#some shit i would do as a boss

[ruporas]

trigunned the hades or hadesed the trigun (id in alt)

[venacoeurva]

You know when you’re falling asleep and a random image or meme blips into your vision? Yeah

-Please do not reupload/edit/use without proper credit and linking back. Ask first.-

[hellspawnmotel]

I finished wild arms yesterday! what a great game

[mikansei]

i'm thinking about the guards outside aventurine's room in the reverie. stuck working a boring security job on THE planet of festivities, stationed outside a room in boring reality where someone's literally just sleeping all day. absolutely jackshit to do.

but there's no way aventurine would trust just any old grunt to guard him when he's that vulnerable; they had to have been hand-picked, personally vetted over years of working for him. it's no small feat to become someone aventurine trusts not to stab him in the back, even with the built-in insurance that if you shank your boss, he can't sign your paychecks anymore.

so they were familiar enough with him to know how he works, i.e., pulling off insane stunts and doing it solo. i have to think they're the kind of people who would've wanted to join him - not because they're sore about not getting to see the dream, but because they want to guard him IN the dream. you have a whole team of us, boss! put us to work!

and he keeps insisting no, he has to do it alone. it's too risky.

what could notorious gambler aventurine possibly find "too risky?" it's not that he thinks they'll slow him down or get in his way; it's not that he just prefers working alone or hates relying on others. that's what other people, in other departments, might think.

but these guys know: he does these missions solo because he doesn't want to risk their lives - that's the unacceptable risk to him.

(they also know not to ever say so aloud, because said notorious gambler has a reputation to maintain, and "worries about his employees' wellbeing" does not fit the image.)

[superbat-lmao]

Jason’s comms aren’t working when he gets to the thick of the fight. Tim is facing off against some sort of discredited scientist with a fancy gun that shoots energy instead of bullets. Whoop-de-fucking-do.

The night of a fucking Arkham breakout.

Just his luck.

So Jason jumps into the fight until another fight basically crashes into them.

Jason is hiding behind cover and trying to find a clear shot when he hears it. The laughter.

He’d been doing better, controlling the pit, but suddenly it feels like green floodlights have been turned on and his vision is swirling. Someone is shouting but he can’t hear them over the kill kill kill.

There’s a sudden silence and Jason finally has a second to realize that’s not a good thing and when he looks back at the fight from behind cover he realizes that discredited crazy scientist is holding Tim with the ray gun pressed to his head and Bruce and Dick are trying to talk him down while the Joker is out cold at their feet. Nightwing is restraining him but clearly doesn’t want to take his eyes off the man holding a gun to Red Robin’s head.

Batman appears to be speaking to the man as quiet and calmly as possible. Which is of course when Mr. Discredited spots Jason and tenses all over, trying to back away.

Jason stands, but stays where he is.

Batman and Nightwing seem shocked to see him, given how they both went still when he entered their periphery, and he realizes that he’s only in a domino and Tim must’ve been too busy to convey much over the comms.

Without his vocoder, Jason asks in the closest approximation of his old Robin voice, “What’s the gun even do?”

The guy turns towards him and Jason hopes Batman is able to get closer if he’s serving as the distraction. It’s been a while since he’s tried to act out this narrative, and never while fighting down the odd echoes in his head telling him the Joker is right there and chanting kill kill kill kill.

“It’s a permanent solution! It will fix everything! If I could just prove -“

“Hey man, if you’re looking for someone to use a permanent solution on, we got a spare rogue right here? Why pick one of the Bats?”

“It’s not about them! I didn’t,” he seems to finally realize who Nightwing is restraining and says, “Jesus is that the fucking Joker?”

Alright, so Jason’s finding himself hoping the guy is better at science than his observational skills, or whatever skill level allows Tim to walk away and not end up all glowy and gone.

“Yeah man, seriously. What do you have against the Bats and not the rogues?”

“Well it’s not like I had access to Arkham! But now that you say it-“

Batman was surging forward but the gun was no longer aimed at Red Robin. The body that Nightwing had restrained was engulfed in a flash of light and then gone.

The gun was out of the man’s hands and Red Robin was stumbling towards Nightwing. Jason felt numb. Maybe he was smiling. He had no clue what his face looked like.

“What the fuck were you thinking? Do you know what you just did?”

“What? The Joker’s dead and gone - permanent solution. What’s wrong with that?”

“Hood, if you’d fucking heard Oracle over comms you’d know the man was experimenting with dimension travel! Now we have to go retrieve the fucking Joker!”

“Oh shit.”

***

In a different warehouse, in a different universe, Bruce Wayne stands alone in a room lit by a single bulb. There’s a man tied to a chair in front of him covered in blood. There are teeth on the ground.

A bloodied and stumbling man covered in white paint and an exaggerated smile flashes into the room. He’s looking about, trying to get a grasp on his surroundings. He sees Wayne and grins.

“Hello, Brucie. Fancy seeing you here!”

“How did you make it past my guards?”

“What? Oh, you’d have to ask the Bats. Seen any ultra-serious assholes in spandex come through here? Anyways, what’re you up to? Beating a man to death?”

“Getting one to talk. As I’m assuming I’ll have to make you do in a moment. Nightwing!”

The last part was a shouted order and a smiling Dick Grayson came into the room moving with the grace of a shark, fluid and predatory.

“We’ve got unexpected company. Maybe a witness. Could you take him?”

“Sure thing, Boss.”

“Nightwing? Are you telling me Nightwing is Dick Grayson? Where the hell am I?”

“You know his name?”

“Where I’m from Nightwing is one of the Bats.”

At the blank look the men’s faces he adds, “You know, the fucking vigilantes of Gotham. Running around pretending to be heroes. Batman? Nightwing? The other little birdies?”

Bruce Wayne goes rigid at the mention of others.

“What other birds?”

“Oh you know, Robin! There’s been at least three more of those goddamn brats since I killed the second one. And what a pleasure it will be to-“

He’s cut off by Dick Grayson grabbing him under the collar and hauling him off his feet.

“You ever had a crazy like this before, Boss?”

There was something cold and calculating on Bruce’s face.

“No. But I think I have an idea of where he came from. Could you pass me your piece?”

One of Dick’s hands reached behind him and removed the gun he had secured.

“You’re telling me that where you’re from you killed Robin?”

All he got was a wheeze as a response. There was a frantic look in the man’s eyes.

“Well, how fortunate you’re here now.”

There was a single, silenced, shot.

“Can you handle the body? I’m almost done here. Then we can go find the boys and update them. Take a blood sample before you’re done.”

“Sure thing. See you back at the manor.”

“Be safe, son.”

[thats-a-mood-gabriella]

Just riffing off the idea of Blitz thinking the pregnancy test box is Stolas's, head canon that Blitz has absolutely no idea what a cloaca does, biologically speaking, and genuinely believes that Stolas can get pregnant. This leads to a misunderstanding where Blitz thinks Stolas has agreed to actually have a baby with him, while Stolas thinks he's agreed to have some fun with Blitz's apparent breeding kink.

[nebulations]

Fish, 7 (For your prompts! ❤️)

Hi, anon!! Thank you for the prompt, you were the very first one to send one in! 7 was, again, the wildcard, so I randomly generated a different number to land on Yue Qingyuan (from Scum Villain)! I have no choice but to dedicate this to @bytedykes, because I told her about this prompt and she said “yqy pet fish mental health speedrun” and we went, uh, a little insane about it. Enjoy some yuefang, folks!!!!

“Mu-xiong,” Yue Qingyuan says. “I’m sorry to bother you. Are you available?”

“Yue-xiong is never a bother,” Mu Qingfang says warmly. “And I am, actually, yes. Is everything okay, Yue-xiong?”

“I think I need help.” A bit dramatic, perhaps, and Yue Qingyuan hates to trouble Mu Qingfang on a rare day off, but Yue Qingyuan and impulse have never been the best combination, and he would appreciate a second opinion.

Mu Qingfang’s voice turns hard. “Where are you? I'll come right away.”

“What—?” Yue Qingyuan stares at his phone like the blank call screen will tell him why Mu Qingfang suddenly sounds so serious. “I'm at home, but—”

“I'll be right there,” Mu Qingfang says, and hangs up.

Yue Qingyuan stares at his phone for another second, then lifts his gaze to his sparkling new aquarium. His new betta, white and black and resplendent of fin, stares back. Was his crisis of faith about his viability as a fish owner really so deserving of such urgency…?

—

“So,” Mu Qingfang says. “This was your emergency?” He looks about as unimpressed by the betta as it does by the two of them.

Yue Qingyuan feels obscurely like he’s being scolded. Mu Qingfang is one of the nicest men he knows, but that just means that his censure takes the form of a blunt instrument of mass disappointment.

“In my defense,” he points out meekly, “I didn’t say there was an emergency. Mu-xiong just assumed.”

“That’ll teach me,” Mu Qingfang huffs, but at least he looks amused. “Yue-xiong should get used to asking for help more so this gege doesn’t have to panic every time he does ask.”

Yue Qingyuan’s mouth almost drops open. He can only hope his cheeks aren’t as red as they feel. “Er—well, I asked this time, didn’t I?”

“You did,” Mu Qingfang allows, looking something horribly close to fond. Yue Qingyuan swallows and tries to hurry on.

“So—not an emergency, but I do want your opinion,” he coughs out. “I’m having… doubts. About the fish.” Mu Qingfang’s eyebrows contract. Yue Qingyuan rushes it out. “Do you think I should keep it?”

“Yue-xiong…” Mu Qingfang looks politely incredulous. “Why does my opinion matter? The fish is already yours, isn’t it? If you don’t think maintaining its upkeep will be feasible, that’s one thing, but… Surely Yue-xiong did the research before getting it?”

He doesn’t sound judgemental, but Yue Qingyuan feels his cheeks warm. “I did, but I wasn’t planning on getting a fish; I was only admiring the tanks. There was a salesperson who was… very insistent.”

Mu Qingfang regards him doubtfully, which is fair. Yue Qingyuan towers over most people he meets, and his bulk only further adds to the impression of immovability. It’s only when he opens his mouth that it becomes clear how spineless he actually is.

Yue Qingyuan falters. “I had thought… I thought it might be nice.” The bettas had seemed so majestic in their tanks, iridescent monarchs of false grass and plastic coves, and Yue Qingyuan had thought, wildly, that one might be rewarding to keep, might breathe a touch of life into his immaculately sleek living room. The whole affair hadn’t even been expensive by his shiny new standards, forget difficult to physically arrange. It was only when installation and set-up for his new aquarium had finished and he was left to watch that jewel-bright being swim disaffectedly through its new home that doubt had seized him, all-consuming and black. He had, admittedly, panicked a little after that.

(Yue Qingyuan’s apartment is very large, and very clean, and very empty. It holds the barest amount of decoration and muss to qualify as lived-in rather than a snapshot from a magazine ad. The fish may, in fact, be the only thing in the entire place which really qualifies as his. No wonder Yue Qingyuan wanted to jettison it from his life as soon as he got it.)

Mu Qingfang’s expression hovers between concern and simple confusion. “I’m sure Yue-xiong will be a more than adequate caretaker,” he says, more gently than Yue Qingyuan and all his neuroses probably deserve. “What’s this really about, Yue-xiong?”

Ah. There it is. Being the mildest person of Yue Qingyuan’s admittedly sharp-tongued social circle doesn’t preclude Mu Qingfang’s wit from being as keen as the scalpels he works with.

“I don’t…” Yue Qingyuan falters. How to express to Mu Qingfang how manifestly unfit Yue Qingyuan is to care for any living creature at all? He changes tack. “I think he hates me,” he admits dolefully.

Mu Qingfang stares at him for a long time, long enough to imply that he’s reevaluating certain opinions about Yue Qingyuan’s intelligence. “Yue-xiong, with all due respect to your new pet—it’s a fish.”

“Fish have emotions!” Yue Qingyuan argues. He flushes at the volume at which it comes out, and at the way Mu Qingfang’s eyes go wide-eyed in startlement. But the salesperson had been very insistent about that, as well. “Bettas are intelligent animals. They dislike certain colors, apparently, and they’re very sensitive—ah, to environmental disruptions, that is. And—”

Mu Qingfang’s eyebrows are still high, but his face has relaxed into a smile. “It sounds to me like you like it quite a bit already. Isn’t that reason enough to keep it?” His tone curls with sudden mischief. “Have heart, Yue-xiong—you’ve hardly known each other for a day! Give it time to adjust to you, and I’m sure you’ll win it over as surely as you do everyone else.” And he grins, sure and easy in his trust that Yue Qingyuan won’t fumble and shatter something so small and monumental as a life that he could cup in his palms.

While Yue Qingyuan is still dazed by that, Mu Qingfang’s eyes alight with interest. “Ah, Yue-xiong—what have you named it?”

“...”

Mu Qingfang’s face falls as devastatingly as it had lit up. “Yue-xiong…”

“Mu-xiong is aware that I was unsure of whether or not I’d keep him!” Yue Qingyuan is terribly aware that his ears are now heating up to match his cheeks. Mu Qingfang’s ensuing laughter does not help with that matter.

Yue Qingyuan is not very good at holding onto things. More often than not, he makes a mess of whatever he’s set his clumsy hands to, lets it fall right through his scarred fingers. But Mu Qingfang’s words ring through his head: Isn’t that reason enough to keep it? And, well, isn’t it? Surely Yue Qingyuan is adult enough to follow through on this. Maybe happiness can be look like his new betta swimming up to the tank to observe the new colorful form moving in front of it, can come as easy as Mu Qingfang quipping that his knowledge about fish is clearly lacking and vowing casually to read up on bettas to be a better fish uncle.

Yue Qingyuan buries a smile and walks over to let Mu Qingfang know that bettas can be trained to follow fingers around. The betta’s clear preference for Mu Qingfang over Yue Qingyuan is as good a marker of intelligence as any fun fact the pet shop worker could have given him. Yes, Yue Qingyuan thinks with a smile—he thinks he’ll be keeping this after all.

[snnumntik]

there is no game that makes me feel like I'm the only one who's right about it than elden ring

[vieramars]

Hghh.,, what if an external decides fuck you actually and tries to kill Sam, Alice, or Celia (ie. someone who doesn't for sure know what's going on here) and Lena defends them. Like fucking shoots a monster or something. But gets badly injured in the process and the one who was about to die has to process the fact that 1. Their weird mean boss was fully willing to get her shit rocked to save them and 2. Their weird mean boss is now bleeding out on the floor what the fuck do they do about that. I have slept a normal amount in the past 2 days.

[canisonicscrewyou]

Fuck this entire week oh my fucking godddd. This felt like a little trial. Hurdles to get through the last of Busy Season for the year.

This week:

I shut down my store's entire IT system while being guided through a troubleshoot and it took ~45 minutes to fix it

Rolled + landed on my ankle on my walk to work on Halloween. Had to limp into work.

On Halloween I also had to kick out an intoxicated dude on a bike who tried to serve himself water out of a crushed, grimy to-go cup by leaning his entire body over the bar after going to the registers to ask ME for a cup of water. Left after telling me he has two no-trespassing orders from my store.

Had to hobble my way home because I had no way of getting a ride because my city closes down half the streets for Halloween.

Worked through my bruised and busted up ankle for ~3 days while another coworker called out to. Probably catch up on school work.

Nearly cried at work like. Several. Times. Partially from overwhelm and confusion and now partially from pain.

Watched my boss feel immensely bad after seeing My Ouchie and then went home. (<- only for my fiancé to come in to pick me up and then when I wasn't there, tell my boss and coworker that I should have called out today which is. Correct.)

Now I'm really just sitting with my injured leg Up High and On Ice

I got to see some fireworks, dress up as Will Graham, my coworker gave me the last of her cigarettes, and I got to post fic though so. Not all bad. I guess.

[fraternum-momentum]

last night I dreamt u had a discord server where u chatted and played games with ppl and one popular game was Mister Mixer but whenever You didn’t do well it commented on it and You always called the game “Mister Meanie!!” and it was so fucking cute I felt the urgent need to share HSHDJDJFFJK

u know i got the goofiest smile on my face rn cause when i read this my first thought was 'awww, you were dreaming about me?' thats pretty cute 🩷

BUT LOOK I FOUND IT. I FINALLY FUCKING FOUND IT.

for the longest time, back when vtubers were popping off, i had this idea of a vtuber who's a criminal that's running away from the police. and you know how vtubers change their model every other month? thats her way of changing disguises and chat gets to choose what disguise she would wear n shit. and i know they have elaborate backstories as to why they started streaming but hers basically is just cause she's a little shit and wants to rub on the cops faces that they can't catch her. hiatuses? that means she's in jail again.

that's all i can remember at the top of my head :D i think i had a few more ideas but i never wrote them down so i guess it's lost forever. rip

[front-facing-pokemon]

[vampmilf]

did i ever mention btw that this hotel didnt even have an allergy list for the sold food before i asked the boss for it and she was like "hm yeah ive never seen anything like that here, i dont know if we have one" like be so real with me right now. if i was a guest asking and got this answer i could get you shut down with two phone calls.

[narwhalandchill]

every day i wake up have another fucking Realization about ajax and the shit he says and i just. Holds head in hands

WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE SAID THIS IN 1.1 WHAT DOES HE KNOWWWW

like childe Literally said skirk never elaborated on the narwhal thing to his face At All nvm explicitly bring up its origins as a cosmos traveling entity so its like. Either he lied (which would be funny as fuck im ngl) or Literally just . got the completely coincidental urge to call out the phrase "celestial voyager" at . his elemental attack recreation of the creature that just Happens to indeed be A celestial voyager . just Somehow. like how wildly convenient of you to identify that element specifically there with 100% accuracy ajax care to fucking Elaborate on the source of that inspiration there . Thanks xx

(i want this man dead irl)

[edenpoise]

the fact that eve would be canonically older than most if - not all of the goetia family is wild.

[reamed]

coworker was mean to me today so fun!