#some of it is just less socially acceptable than others
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9.5 . . . “ a convenient relationship ”
꒰ ִ ֺ ⊹ @ notice ⊹ ֺ ִ ꒱ this translation may not be 100% accurate or contain creative liberties due to characterization or narrative flow purposes. if you enjoy, please consider reblogging, but don’t repost these or claim these as your own!
— 💋 his side story, chapter 9. this is one you can purchase on your second play through of his route.
— cw: some suggestiveness, could be considered dub-con.
Kate: So, the reason why you do what you do for the people in the slums...
K: ...is it because you understand their pain, and suffering?
Alfons: If it is as you say, that I am doing it for them, then perhaps such is the case.
——In the East End, I show a happy illusion to the bunch crawling their way through this dark reality.
It was something I had continuously done since a young age, so when it came to things such as the reason why I did it or what meaning it held,
to be honest, I couldn’t care less about that.
It was a hobby I had continued out of habit. A source of amusing entertainment. That was all it amounted to.
Kate: ...This is far from the first time you’ve dodged my question.
Perhaps Kate couldn’t accept my response for what it was, because she turned away, pouting.
(...The way she sulks does so resemble that of a child.)
Her profile looked so sweet and darling, the corners of my lips relaxed, unbeknownst to myself.
It felt like I just wanted to leave things the way they were, and keep looking on at it...
Or perhaps, it was a tickling desire to tease her and wanting to boop her...
Alfons: Hehe, you needn’t pucker your lips so.
Kate: ...?
In the end, the latter feelings overtook me, so I booped my fingertips on her lips, causing her to turn her eyes my way.
Alfons: For you see, your words ring so dear to me I just may not be able to resist the urge to give you a kiss here.
Kate: ...!
Her eyes looked into mine, as if she was glaring,
before she looked down, looking hesitantly around my lips.
(...It truly is a walk in the park figuring out what the little robin is thinking.)
(I can’t even be annoyed anymore. At this point I’m even a tad worried for her.)
Alfons: ...Would you like me to do it? Kiss you, I mean.
Kate: Wh—!? N-no, not at all...
Alfons: Why so worked up now? If you want to do it, it’s fine to just say that as is, am I right?
Kate: Well, I don’t want it.
Alfons: Yes, yes, I hear you. So? Were you able to find my weaknesses?
Kate: ...
The conversation ended there, and Kate’s mouth opened and closed repeatedly, seemingly dissatisfied.
And as though to hide any shame, she cleared her throat before suddenly turning away again.
(Hehe... ahh, she’s just so cute.)
(Getting played so easily like a toy, what a poor soul you are, Miss Kate.)
Kate: ...No, I couldn’t find any. I mean, you answered my questions just like that, without any hesitation.
K: So, I take it that you having been an orphan and the fact you use your abilities in the slums couldn’t amount to something like a weakness?
Alfons: Is that so? I wonder about that.
A: You see, aside from Elbie and Roger, I also am not sure who else knows of my true origins.
Kate: Huh!?
K: Are you saying not even Victor and William know...?
Alfons: Well, I suppose those two would be in the know.
A: Oh, while we’re at it, I reckon Jude may have somehow gotten wind of it too. Other than those three, though, who is in the know is beyond me.
A: And if I were to tell any social circle about it, forget about nonexistent trust, even that would crumble away, no?
Kate: ...Then is that to say the people in that pub, and the people whom you refer to as your ‘friends’ are also in the know?
Alfons: Ahha! Hardly. I don’t reveal more than absolutely necessary. And that goes both ways as well.
A: Things like reality only interfere with convenience.
(...Oh?)
Come to think of it, why did I reveal my background so honestly to her like that?
Kate: ...If so,
K: why did you tell me all this then?
She voiced the question that popped into my mind.
Alfons: Hmm... I wonder, now why did I.........?
(If I understood the ways of my own heart, giving an immediate answer to the question of ‘why’ would be a simple feat, but alas.)
What was thought to be there was nowhere to be seen, and conversely, what was thought to be nowhere was, in actuality, there.
And to me——I had little energy to look deeply into the thing called my heart.
After all, I was well aware that there would’ve been nothing good in there.
Alfons: ...That is a great question. One whose answer I know as well as you.
(There’s no need to give Kate the truth,)
(and thinking about it will yield nothing in return.)
Alfons: If I had to guess, though, perhaps it’s because you nearly moved me to tears, having followed me all the way out to such a place, I felt like telling you?
So I gave whatever answer I thought of before turning to the window, where the silhouette of London at night flew by, vaguely melted into the darkness.
All of a sudden, Kate, who had just been quiet, sucked in a breath.
Kate: I’ve decided to stop trying to look for your weakness on the sly.
Alfons: ...Come again now?
I turned my gaze next to me, where she was looking at me, with her usual straightforward eyes.
Kate: Because more than your weaknesses, I’m interested to know more about your true feelings.
K: I was thinking... I would like to get to know you better.
(.........) (O_O)
Kate: That’s why, I think if it meant I could know more about you...
K: I... wouldn’t mind becoming your ‘exclusive fairytale keeper.’
Alfons: ...Well, I’ll be.
(Perhaps, the reason I opened up about my background——)
(Was it because she was able to say such foreign-sounding words like ‘I will face you to the fullest’ and whatnot to my face?)
(Maybe it’s because I was hit with such foolish honesty.)
Kate’s expression seemed bright, and seeing that, my body seemed to tickle a smile out of me from the inside.
(How pitiful you are, Miss Kate.)
(Though it pains me to say, I don’t have an ounce of intention of reciprocating the sentiment.)
(But, if this means your mind will be filled to the brim with thoughts of me... then it’s all the more convenient for me.)
(By all means, may you dance atop the palm of my hand to the best of your ability.)
Alfons: If that’s the case, would it be safe to say that you would accept me doing these kinds of things with you?
Kate: ? What do you mean, ‘these kinds of thi’——
I closed the distance between us, my face approaching her, and Kate’s shoulders shook, understanding my intentions,
Kate: No, that’s... this and that are different.
Her face completely red, she pushed her palm on my mouth.
Alfons: ...Hehe.
(As always, you’re awfully inept at resisting, aren’t you.)
Kate: Eek...!?
I licked her palm, and with a cute cry, my mouth was free from her hands.
Alfons: Was it not the case that you were hoping to grasp my weaknesses because you were unable to avoid things like this, or am I wrong?
Kate: I-I mean, I would be able to prevent it as long as you didn’t touch the back of my neck.
Alfons: So you say, but I do find it doubtful you were able to avoid what I did now?
I placed my hand next to her legs across from myself.
I leaned forward, staring at her from a point-blank distance.
Alfons: Oh, yes, come to think of it, when we did naughty things at the back of the pub, I hadn’t used any of my abilities.
A: And yet as far as I recall, you still became loose and wet here, no?
Kate: T-that... I’m pretty sure it was all your fault.
Alfons: And why is that?
Kate: Because you frequent such strange places... it’s all on you.
(Aha, as it should.)
Alfons: Then, in this case, whose fault is it?
Kate: ——mn...!
I grasped at her defenseless wrists and stole her lips.
Kate: Mngh... mn——
I pulled her toward me, and Kate, whose eyes were wide open, closed tightly.
Kate: ah... ngh...!
My tongue through the gap of her lips intertwined with hers,
and her arms went limp, her body relaxing.
When I licked her upper jaw, a cute noise came out from her nose.
Alfons: Perhaps the fault lies with the shock of having seen something so strange, or perhaps it’s because of the shaking of the carriage...
A: If you wish for these kinds of explanations, I could give you these all day.
A: And if you so dislike the idea that you will lose your dignity if you don’t resist,
A: then I will not mind at all if you aaalways feign resistance.
As if ashamed of the anticipation, she closed her legs as I stroked her thighs,
and I slowly lifted up the hem of her skirt that was over her trembling knees.
Kate: Hah... ah, ngh... no...
(Even though your entire body is practically saying ‘I feel good’?)
Alfons: Since this relationship will end after only a month... let us enjoy ourselves, Miss Kate.
A: After all——you do so love pleasurable things like this, do you not?
Kate: N-no, I... I don’t...
Her breaths were short and restless as she tried her hardest to deny it. Such a sight held its own charm.
(Indeed——you don’t, yes?)
(After all, the reason you became this way in the first place was aaall because of me.)
(That’s all it has to be.)
Kate: ah... n-no, we can’t do this... not in a carriage...
Alfons: ...Then, where can we do this?
Kate: Ah——
Alfons: Your bed, perhaps? That said... I do find myself wondering if you will be able to hold yourself back until then?
Kate: ah... I-I...
Her lips half-open, I gently kissed her, sealing away any excuses.
Alfons: Shh... there is no need to give me a clear-cut answer.
A: When all is over and done with, you can simply blame it all on me. Then you won’t have to worry, yes?
(What is true, and what is not... let’s become so good that such things become trivial.)
I wouldn’t step too far. And I wouldn’t let anyone step too far either.
It was a convenient relationship just to give ourselves over to pleasure.
(That is all it needs to be between us.)
For some reason, the sight of her pouting profile popped up in the back of my mind, before fading away.
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masterlist🪞 ╱ ko-fi ☕️ ╱ comms 🤍
꒰ ִ ֺ ⊹ @ tags🏷️ ⊹ ֺ ִ ꒱ @drachonia @.comment, send an ask off anon, or dm to be added or removed!
#the amount of times he says 可愛い#(or thinks it)#friends he is in love!#ikemen villains#ikevil#イケメンヴィラン#ikevil alfons#ikevil alfons sylvatica#alfons sylvatica#ikemen villains alfons#cybird ikemen series#cybird ikemen#cybird otome#ikemen series#otome game#otome#ikevil translation#ikevil translations#d: cafekitsune
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i could go into how tumblr promotes OCD tendencies for hours but i'll address one thing: the ethics of media consumption. for some, pirating media by problematic creators and being critical of the source material is not enough.
almost as if the source itself will lead to moral decay by merit of its problematic elements or creators, consuming verboten media is said to be a reflection of the consumer's morality. in psychology, we call this emotional contamination--a symptom typically associated with OCD.
this is often reflected in "X fans DNI". i don't know about you, but the idea that someone can be labeled as complicit in violence and therefore untouchable simply for engaging with certain media in a critical manner without supporting the creators is a tad frightening.
#anyway im pirating fnaf and scott cawthon can eat bricks#no ethical consumption under capitalism btw#our consumption fuels atrocities daily#some of it is just less socially acceptable than others#the chocolate and coffee industries have some of the highest rates of slavery and human trafficking#your phone was made with the blood of the Congolese#but it's better to denigrate internet strangers for liking the Bad Thing and obsessively monitoring our thoughts than looking inward
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lesbian masterdoc and the unforgivable damage of making people hear compulsory heterosexuality and think of "can lesbians have crushes on men?" (no) instead of "are heterosexual women settling in unhappy marriages with men bellow their worth because of economic and social pressure?" (yes)
#not claiming the theory was without flaws but it sure didn't describe some virus mental affliction that exclusively plagues lesbians#for starters the theory was primarily about marriage. so it did recognise the historical fact of lesbians forced into marriage to avoid#honor killings and the still present possibility and threats especially when it comes to cults and strong religions#(once again mentioning as a Jeová's witness in a brazilian periphery my girlfriend accepted the tool of losing her entire family and social#circles to reject an arranged marriage at the age of 17. and she's bisexual. but THAT is what compulsory heterosexuality alludes to)#but more often than not when it addressed lesbians it was as the inherent threat they pose to heteropatriarchy#that they mere existence proved women were not all born to serve men. and that their lives often proved women are much happier and#accomplished when away from the burden of men.#and this acknowledging just how much loneliness was a reality through lesbian's experiences#at the same time I can understand the frustration of that feminist theory being reduced to 'comphet is when lesbians in high school were#pressured into picking one of the Backstreet Boys to lie about finding attractive'. and even more so when that non universal and much less#serious example somehow morphed into 'comphet is when bisexual women either lying or confused about being lesbians have sex with men and#find it unfulfilling' because accepting that narrative erases and harms lesbians#so I understand the 'comphet isn't real' posts especially because written like that it tends to refer to lesbian masterdoc and following#fiasco. but at the same time that wasn't the original intent of compulsory heterosexuality the actual feminist term#this is just me complaining about how social media butchers theory tho unless they are specifically naming Rich and the many other feminist#who wrote about heterosexual marriage as an institution I won't bother lesbians for venting frustration about neoliberal erasure of lesbian#the original theory sure didn't claim lesbians were immune to all this misogynistic violence but the term was never exclusively about them#and tended to ask more of 'where do we stand as women and feminists as a group much more interested in destroying heterosexual marriage than#simply making it more bearable?'#this got a little messy and senseless I'm tired#.txt
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I do think Withers has a really subtle background character arc in bg3. Because at the start it is really clear he doesn't want to be here and he's being forced to clean up his mess by Helm and probably Ao. He doesn't really care either. Everything ends so nothing really matters, he'd like to go back to his paperwork now please.
Except he's stuck babysitting a bunch of traumatized dumbasses as they stumble into dealing with the most recent bad idea of his three fuck-up disappointments. So he brings them back when they die for a pittance, lets them pay for some vengeful ghosts to come back as flesh and blood to wreak bloody vengeance on the Absolute, and starts to... comment, on what's going on, as he follows them on their adventure.
Next thing you know Withers is like, doing things unprompted. He refuses to bring back Alfira (or Quil) but that's an act of compassion, keeping the poor girl from the Urge and letting her rest, his actual duty as a god of death. He tells Arabella to follow her destiny and does that thing to make her grief go away which honestly freaks me out but seems to be him trying to help her. He shows up at Moonrise and prompts us to consider why the Dead Three would want a bunch of soulless illithids that would give them no power, getting us to think of the big picture.
And by the end (especially if you do a resist!Durge playthrough) Withers is actively interfering and seems genuinely invested! He brings Durge back from the dead, free of their father! He encourages us before the final fight with the Netherbrain! He's real fucking smug that the Dead Three lost when he never seemed to care about the destruction they caused before! He throws a reunion party and many of his lines are genuinely touching or kind! Especially if a companion died permanently! He has tea with Gale's mom and Tara! He's like, socializing and shit! Yes, everything is temporary and we all die, but there's great beauty in fighting for that precious time and living it to the fullest!
Basically Wither's character arc is this meme, all because Helm made him go outside and touch grass.
#bg3#like... thematically the characters are bg3 are all struggling with mortal frailty and meaninglessness in the grand scheme of gods#several of them are on a ticking clock to immediate death. the tadpoles themselves are a death sentence. others are being actively#hunted by their abusers or will be drawn back into a life that's no real life at all or told to kill themselves or seen as nothing but#disposable pawns in the game of the gods to be used and discard as if nothing#or are destined for objectively shitty afterlives#and what do they do? they fight it! tooth and nail! and try to live their best life here and now! they form bonds and fall in love#and help strangers or each other and have fun even for only the moment and cling to life by their fingernails#while also accepting death could be tomorrow or next week or decades from now because we all die but that's no reason to lie#and meekly accept it because some god said so#they care! they all care SO SO MUCH ABOUT LIVING! even if its tempting to give in to the nihilism they all try so goddamn hard#even on evil routes there's something so deeply human and vulnerable to how it all comes from caring so deeply#about wanting to live and survive and be loved and safe#listen to Wither's lines about the companions if they died. especially Karlach. do you get it? they made the GOD OF DEATH#JERGEL HIMSELF! feel something about the beauty of the mortal life in all its fleeting incandescent glory!#but also I think it's just that Jergel needed to leave his sad little crypt more and talk to people other than kelemvor#and Helm accidentally made Jergel less terrible by forcing him to socialize with the mortals#it's like never leaving your room as a teenager. it makes you depressed and sad and full of despair like an understimulated parrot#and like is Wither's being more invested in the affairs in mortals necessarily a good thing? maybe. maybe not. but he clearly is#so good on him. I think more gods should hang out with mortals in non-worship contexts. might give them some perspective#just pretend to be some random helper NPC#and this is all especially poignant when we remember Jergel’s past as Neutral Evil and the genuinely horrible things he’s done
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some of you never grew up in a small conservative town as a (gay) nerd that was bullied, harassed, and excluded for years on end for not fitting in and for visibly and enthusiastically liking geek things—geek things that then branded you a satanist in everyone's eyes and as something Other, Lesser, and Undoubtedly Unworthy of Basic Human Decency even though you were literally just an actual child with harmless interests and not a satanist or an evil disgusting subhuman thing, and it shows.
you cannot apply modern views and beliefs to a show that is set in the eighties, especially not when it's set in conservative midwest eighties which is a whole other beast. being a socially awkward and nonconforming geek is something that people STILL get bullied for if you don't do it in a way that the majority deems "acceptable", especially if you live in a conservative, religious area.
your experiences are not universal and your inability to relate to a certain motif or story does not make it "lesser" or "bad writing."
#stranger things#mike wheeler#<- tagging and then disappearing into the mist again bc i don't like it here lol.#girls when they love stranger things because they finally see characters just like them with the same exact experiences written with such#care and respect for those that have been Deemed Other but people who have not had those experiences refuse to believe that they're#realistic and STILL happen to people bc if they're fortunate to have not gone through that then clearly that means that it doesn't exist#and if it does then it's not Traumatic Enough or a good enough plot to cause such inner turmoil in the characters who experience that#💥🛼#i got bullied for being a nerd in the 2000s and 2010s. you can absolutely get bullied for being a nerd and being a nerd is enough reason#for social exile in some places. when dustin said that no one was nice to him or mike? when lucas said that girls laughed at them? and it's#all because they're deemed freaks and satanists for liking fantasy things? that's Real and it doesn't hurt any less just because you think#it's not a good enough reason to bully someone.#i was called a satanist to my face by adults. people acted like i was some Creature or whatever just because i liked fiction and wasn't#interested in what the majority was interested in and wore dark clothing sometimes. like.. hello. school shooter jokes? the way#that neurodivergent people get treated when they're visibly ''different'' and enjoy things passionately? the way that liking star wars was#a thing to ridicule until it suddenly became Acceptable and Popular to like? i feel like i'm living in a different reality than so many#people here with the way that they talk about certain things in this show. and don't even get me started on the way people approached#the angela and el situation....#maybe just be glad that these things did not happen to you and stop acting like it's lesser or a bad story bc of that? just a thought.
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what if we held on to whatever we get the idea of as Normal as unquestionable & think all you can do to this normal is apply some veneers overtop it to be more polite & also resent that. maybe we could project that everyone who seems to be Annoyingly Disruptively doing more than this must be putting on a performance to look good &/or humor others b/c that's all we ever believe we're doing, & again, we resent even that much....maybe we could use our show of More Polite language to make the same points blaming everyone who our Normal mistreats for their own mistreatment
#perhaps we could lecture autistic people on their; ah; Lacking Social Skills or Intelligence. it's just matter of fact#completely neutral what Annoys those who do well enough when thrown into any group settings; completely neutral how they React#like yeah can't possibly take issue w/anything Acceptable to Encouraged in the realm of even ''successful'' ''normal'' social interactions#infinite ''smh this is why nobody takes ableism seriously'' like oh you mean b/c of the ableism? is why you don't take it seriously?#infinite ways of phrasing that everyone alleged so Annoying With It is just like you but someone actively Putting On An Act too much#all it can possibly be. just as someone's Anti Ableism would be knowingly ''humoring'' / ''tolerating'' an autistic person e.g.#ah you see to this Person Who Identifies As Nonbinary's face i will try to mostly use Their Preferred Pronouns. that's that done#but it's sooo annoying. what's next; multiple &/or changing pronouns? god even worse. so Inflicted Upon my correct norm#if i'm not feeling actively malicious & devious in how i treat someone i am surely as righteous as it gets#having to improve on perfection by occasionally feeling Put Upon to perform politeness around some individuals? ughhh#that's why it's actually illegitimate. shouldn't have to be Put Upon like that. (finding the norm Questionable? out of the question Lol)#shocked ppl report that casual usage of the r word is having a revival. by shocked i mean [already clear ppl didn't care abt that]#& again just the current ''polite'' rephrasing of ableism like oh um :) disabled ppl are just a Specific kind of unintelligent & unskilled#& unprofessional & incompetent & a harmful scourge :) & maybe if they learned to be otherwise they wouldn't be punished :)#just formalized ABA vs the less formalized ABA huh. & the [the Real ableism] it ostensibly is to be saying all this i'm sure#something something not a real ally if they encourage behavior that will Make other ppl treat you badly. helpless neurotypicality :(#just as the ppl saying ableism is baked into terms & phrases used casually well beyond the [bad but lol guess not That Bad r word]#were definitely the ones Advancing Ableism by annoyingly overdoing the Polite Veneer you imagine they were Demanding#(rather than a more thorough questioning of language & accepted ''norms'' in pointing out the logics in their usage / basis)#simultaneously as being too much to ask it was also always so Frivolous as to not be worth the apparently infinitesimal effort#hmm guess we'll never solve the contradictions there....#not even with the ''openly saying 'see? i don't take ableism seriously & now it's Your Fault b/c i saw this & scoffed at it''' clues#& a final shoutout to the classic ''it's called being Realistic'' language in this & wherever else relevantly applied lol. we could go on
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yeah its important to have interests that arent just for children as an adult because at the end of the day it’s good for you and the way you percieve media overall to have a variety of things that you like but like you also shouldnt make fun of adults who are passionate about childrens media and imply theyre stupid for it. i think both of these takes can exist at once
#i dont like how some people are taking ''read a book for adults'' as ''do this so you are less cringe and stupid in my opinion''#rather than ''do so because its genuinely good for you''#and even so if someone likes childrens media and they like to analyze it and theyre not being a jackass to kids about it#just leave them alone? sometimes that's just what their interests are and thats okay. it makes them happy#and i hate to be That Guy but uhhhh. yeah theres an overlap here w nd adults#not all of us but certainly a good amount bc some special interests are so strong that they last throughout childhood#past an ''acceptable'' age#and again not the case for everyone but like most autistic adults i personally know are into childrens media#and have been into a specific property since they were a young child#and thats just autism like im sure for people with down syndrome and others have a similar experience#and even if they like something recent like bluey like. who cares it is not hurting you#echoed voice#and it also annoys me that most posts like this have people going ''um well fandom moms are annoying tho''#or even worse literally implying there's inherently a sinister motive#as if its not common for adults to get mocked for being childish and naturally get defensive#and as if every single adult into a pbs show or toh is inherently a bad person or something.#bc people will go through several mental gymnastics to defend being a jackass over something not socially acceptable#before they go ''yeah thats kind of rude sorry''
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you inspire me to have kissy friends i love that but im still fighting being awkward about intimacy 😭💔
for me i understand myself and the way i love p well, and being v simplistic about it the line between platonic and romantic isn't there for me if i think ur cute and cool, i am just getting to know n appreciate u as a person! fundamentally.. which ways our connection blossoms and our dynamics will come about naturally :3 i am p open though!! i am honest and love giving ppl compliments and positive feedback; there r a couple different ways i could go about being more affectionate and intimate with a friend.
one is when u just are getting to know someone as a friend, u can ask about their boundaries and let them know u r affectionate with friends!! if they are too then there u go ♡
the other is becoming closer and comfortable with someone and u feel something shift in ur relationship, and u can tell them u would like to be more affectionate and if they r okay with that ask what they are comfortable with :3
the fun one is recognizing a mutual brain break going on realtime 👁️👁️ if you're not brave enough to say anything in the moment u can always confess later and tell them ur having Thoughts about them and get a feel for how they feel abt you. you can offer them More and it doesn't have to change ur relationship with each other.
the common thread is being communicative and talking about boundaries, and if ur having a hard time w emotional intimacy i think a great place to start is being more open and honest ♡ wear ur heart on ur sleeve. even if u don't feel comfortable or brave enough to tell ur friends u love them, there's nothing stopping you from telling them Why u love them. i love complimenting ppl and thanking them and telling them i had fun, i tell them when they look cute and love their outfits and what i love specifically or I'll hype up ur jewelry or hair change etc; if I'm feeling sentimental about something between us i will tell u how i feel and make sure u know u are appreciated.
i don't give compliments or praise or sentiments expecting anything in return, I'm just communicating my thoughts yk? take it as is and do with it what u will kind of thing, i just like being open!! i am of the opinion that people could stand to hear how great they are more often (✿ ‚‚⌒‿⌒‚‚) I'd like 2 think everybody likes feeling Seen, appreciated, understood, praised.
it's a lovely conversation starter but sometimes u just find someone u rly click with and as a dynamic i think practicing openness and honesty with each other on the little things makes room for u to be comfortable communicating bigger more sentimental and intimate things later on if ur friendship is going like that ♡
and with the boy specifically it was a combination of things.. we already had a great friendship and we had gotten a lot closer and more comfortable with each other conversationally, but phew i hadn't seen him in a good couple months i think?? and over that time i became comfortable with myself and Very t4t, and i got a lot hotter too when i went from fem to stem and he hadn't seen me in my masc era yet lol. not in person at least
anyways his birthday was coming up and i wanted to offer him a chain like mine and to make him a collar, and i was gonna go bring him his chain after work as a gift ^.^ ♡ when we finally got to see each other again oh my god lol he was in a sleeveless top w his arms out and For Some Reason i was more attracted to him than i had ever been 💀 i was trying not to stare too hard bc the whole time internally i was like AAAAA HE'S HOT HELP AKSKSKAK, BUT ☝🏾😌 I've had enough mutual brain breaks going on to know when someone's rly feeling me and i could tell lol. i originally just meant to stop by Real Quick but i ended up staying and hanging out for the evening (。ノω\。) i wasn't brave enough to say anything at first but i could not stop thinking about his shoulders and upper back and neck for like 2 days straight and i had to say Something.
being deliriously horny about him i was like GIRL OMFG DON'T DIE WONDERING TELL HIM SOMETHING and i sent him this 🙈
and he was glad i said something and was straightforward bc he was also having thoughts but wasn't sure if he could/should say anything ʕ ꈍᴥꈍʔ ♡ so we talked about boundaries and we're still friends like we were but we're affectionate with each other now too and it's a sweet way to deepen our friendship. we r exploring being sweet friends together 👩🏽🤝👩🏾 butch4butch t4t real...
i have a good idea of how i want to navigate polyamory but putting it into practice and loving my friends more intentionally, fundamentally and to the fullest w my current perspective is new for me! and being affectionate in general is new to him, so I'm happy that we can be vulnerable and brave about it together ♡ i can be a lil clumsy and he can be a lil awkward but i think we're very cute 😌🥰 he's a good boy (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ ) ♡
this ain't exactly a guide but it's a bit of what i got going on, take what u will from it (。・ω・。)ノ to be open with ur friends is a beautiful thing and i think things tend to develop naturally. i wish u the best of luck on ur quest w intimacy 🫶🏾
#v stoned rn so sry for rambling sm but i love love and could truly talk in sm other directions/depths abt it#so ty for the ask bc i am happy to talk and think about The Boy ♡ and yeah i hope this is at least a little helpful in some way#i have sm different thoughts and feelings about this man.. the way I've had a secret crush on him multiple times (。ノω\。)#he's very charming and considerate and is wonderful company#i think I've cooled off enough though and i rly enjoy what we have going on rn ^.^#i like having friends I'm like this with more than the idea of dating someone. esp after 11 yrs of monogamy#like the relationships themselves were great and there's 2 specifically when i say 11yrs bc i was w these ppl for 5 and 6 yrs respectively#but they were also socially isolating and suffocating and unsatisfying in different ways ૮ – ﻌ–ა i think what I'm doing is more fun#and fulfilling for me :3 i don't like having to live up to the Idea of a partner esp in a social/community way esp when the community is#cishet ppl and they push gender expectations on u but like.. in a gender dysphoria inducing way. obv depends on the fam#but it's just a lot less pressure and a different dynamic and it feels a lot more genuine and intimate in that I'm sm more#comfortable being open w my friends‚ and since the foundation is me loving them fundamentally i feel like#people who come to love me in these kinds of friendships like really love me for me yk? like i am sm more than just the role#i can fulfill for u and i feel like i can really be all that and be seen and be appreciated w my friends more bc the pressure's not#there interpersonally or socially. we just talk‚ we hang out‚ we're vulnerable with each other‚ we accept each other‚ luv each other for#who we are. no one's expectations are on us and we don't have expectations of each other. just some sort of sweet relationship that#can always be taken in whatever direction we want as long as we're on the same page w each other ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა
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…the difference between me and my allo friend… she already has a friendship with her crush. Her crush jokes and texts and visits her back. He’s even hugged her. And if he isn’t attracted to her back, she’ll throw all that away. Is there ANY consideration for his feelings at all?!
While me? I will rip out my own heart by keeping my distance if that’s what would be needed from me—because of a lack of interest, or because things are just complicated; there isn’t a lack of interest back. The opposite, apparently. There’s an Old Guilt about Yet Again feeling unable to reciprocate back the way they wish to…when this whole time all I’ve wanted was to try and find a middle ground. I will aggressively and persistently defend the right to JUST friendship and gently but firmly tell everyone to Leave It Alone, Stay Out Of It, Don’t Pressure EITHER Of Us. Because actual trust and respect and building a solid friendship at whatever level the other person either wants or can offer back…that means more to me than “I’m romantically attracted to this person emotionally and if they feel the same way I’d be open to exploring that with them at whatever point in the future.”
I…dunno. Maybe it’s just the difference between allosexuals and asexuals. Or Lust/Infatuation and alterous/queer platonic attraction. I won’t claim that I’m immune to limerence because…I’m not. But the kind I experience isn’t built upon The Idea of a person and what they look like…but my brain refusing to not get hyperfixated on someone and struggling to pry its jaws open to Let It GO, and…hope, I guess. Hope to finally actually be accepted and not containing myself so tightly inside.
Who someone actually is, if we have a spark of a platonic rapport (over QPR or romantic), matters more to me than an Idea of them, how they look, etc.
And it’s hard to not feel exasperated with apparently…this isn’t how people experience things. I’m always worrying my desire for a connection is too heavy and ultimately selfish. Even as…I really Don’t Care what sort of relationship I have, I just want to discover what it is and fortify it then privately compartmentalize anything leftover. While the majority of people…really don’t take someone’s feelings into consideration at all. It’s only how they feel and how the object of their attraction makes them feel.
…how am I supposed to not feel completely furious about this utter objectification regardless of someone’s gender and sexuality being considered the Acceptable Norm.
Especially when I have always had to fight so damn hard to even have friends and platonic intimacy with friends. Forget when I do have “extra” platonic attraction at play as well.
#tiger’s roar#don’t mind me. it’s just ANGY Ace Time#and I DO have the respect and care and dare I say it affection and attraction more or less returned#but like. I had to fight SO FUCKING HARD for it#harder than anyone else would’ve bothered to#…but the draw just Wouldn’t Go Away and the Draw even existed at all because they ARE someone who’s acted like they yearn for that too#that they are kind. and accept me. and have similar/same interests and to some degree a similar sense of humor#the tension…is circumstances. and misunderstandings for like. 2.5 years. but I think I FINALLY got those resolved#because…I am. stubborn like that. if I’m not told No each time I Check For A No. if I can accept I’m Not A Bother#then…yeah. I’m gonna put energy into exploring for a middle ground and defending the right to friendship and understanding/accepting#in addition to the selfwork I’m going to keep on doing. for my own healing. my own future self.#but especially when it might/is affecting other people#’iT’s nOT tHAT dEEP TiGER!!’ okay but LISTEN. I have A LOT of trauma to resolve and yearning for connection to deal with#and social skills to be stuck practicing very much delayed because my developmental environment STUNTED them#but the pain of Not Dealing With It is poisoning me so…I HAVE to deal with the extreme distress of taking that on#so…yeah. it IS That Deep to me#and when people just…take the friendships they already have for granted… BRUH.
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#smile at people #a majority of the time people will smile back and you win Human Points #learn how to compliment people and do it often #Normalcy is a perspective that changes depending on who is looking but kindness and a positive attitude shows the same view to everyone #basic politeness with a little extra effort is amazingly difficult at times #but it goes MILES
Genuinely good advice from @aroace-get-out-of-my-face
can someone recommend some beginner normal behaviors for someone looking to become normal
#life advice#autistic stuff#and anybody who finds this hard which is pretty much everybody#would also add learning the functions and skills of small talk#yes i know i know it's evil it's horrible when nobody told you how#but get this: it's just social glue#it's the human equivalent of hyenas lowing to each other or crows clicking to each other#it's just “hello i exist you are in my social circle i accept your existence and please know that i don't hate you”#and it's got some fairly basic first-level rules too!! You intiate the greeting (Hello/hi/howdy/good evening/etc depending on context – yea#that dependency can be a bit trickier to learn but if you think of social structure it helps; e.g. this human supposedly ranks higher than#me and has not spoken to me before so i need to say “hello” instead of “wassup”)#and then you say “how are you?” or the less formal “how's it going?” (meaning: *I am initiating small talk*) and they will say “I'm alright#you?” (meaning: *I accept your move to small talk and value your input*) and you say “I'm okay” (NOT meaning: I am actually okay – but#rather *I appreciate your acceptance of my move to small talk and respect you so I will complete this ritual*)#in some cases people will go into a bit more detail – typically in response to “How's it going?” or “How've you been?” rather than “How are#you?” (in less formal contexts e.g. between friends) – and say something like#“Yeah I'm doing alright; had a lot of stuff on this week so I'm looking forward to a break!” and this is where you employ your Sympathetic#Vocalisation (“mm yeah” (solemn. nod head towards them at medium speed a couple of times)#BUT. you do not dwell on this. they will probably ask you “what about you?” afterwards and here you say something like “I'm good; I've got#some pasta I'm looking forward to eating tonight” (or any other bland mundane thing about your life. note: you CAN lie. not extravagantly#but you can say “Yeah I'm great; been busy too but gotta stay on your toes eh?” when you actually want to collapse right now#generally people react well to either positivity or wry humour at your negative experience#like: either bring out something that's a minor good thing and refer to that (see example character's “looking forward to a break”)#or if that's too fake for you you can mention something you're struggling with light heartedly (see: staying on toes example)#generally though people do not want to actually discuss each other's lives here. just social glue! just the “I acknowledge you and wish to#instigate/reaffirm a social bond in this situation so we can then get onto the real stuff or leave with stronger social connections”#anyway that's like the first basic step it; does tend to get a little less straight forward the further you go in#but I've found it a great skill to learn#and once I realised it was in fact a skill just like ice skating or acting or writing i was like ahah! i can learn this!!#and show off like a kid on a skateboard every single day!
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In retrospect, four years later, I feel like the Isabel Fall incident was just the biggest ignored cautionary tale modern fandom spaces have ever had. Yes, it wasn't limited to fandom, it was also a professional author/booktok type argument, but it had a lot of crossover.
Stop me if you've heard this one before: a writer, whether fan or pro, publishes a work. If one were to judge a book by its cover, something we are all taught in Kindergarten shouldn't happen but has a way of occurring regardless, one might find that there was something that seemed deeply problematic about this work. Maybe the title or summary alluded to something Wrong happening, or maybe the tags indicated there was problematic kinks or relationships. And that meant the story was Bad. So, a group of people takes to the Twittersphere to inform everyone who will listen why the work, and therefore the author, are Bad. The author, receiving an avalanche of abuse and harassment, deactivates their account, and checks into a mental health facility for monitoring for suicidal ideation. They never return to their writing space, and the harassers get a slap on the wrist (if that- usually they get praise and high-fives all around) and start waiting for their next victim to transgress.
Sounds awful familiar, doesn't it?
Isabel Fall's case, though, was even more extreme for many reasons. See, she made the terrible mistake of using a transphobic meme as the genesis to actually explore issues of gender identity.
More specifically, she used the phrase "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" to examine how marginalized identities, when they become more accepted, become nothing more than a tool for the military-industrial complex to rebrand itself as a more personable and inclusive atrocity; a chance to pursue praise for bombing brown children while being progressive, because queer people, too, can help blow up brown children now! It also contained an examination of identity and how queerness is intrinsic to a person, etc.
But... well, if harassers ever bothered to read the things they critique, we wouldn't be here, would we? So instead, they called Isabel a transphobic monster for the title alone, even starting a misinformation campaign to claim she was, in fact, a cis male nazi using a fake identity to psyop the queer community.
A few days later, after days of horrific abuse and harassment, Isabel requested that Clarkesworld magazine pull the story. She checked in to a psych ward with suicidal thoughts. That wasn't all, though; the harassment was so bad that she was forced to out herself as trans to defend against the claims.
Only... we know this type of person, the fandom harassers, don't we? You know where this is going. Outing herself did nothing to stop the harassment. No one was willing to read the book, much less examine how her sexuality and gender might have influenced her when writing it.
So some time later, Isabel deleted her social media. She is still alive, but "Isabel Fall" is not- because the harassment was so bad that Isabel detransitioned/closeted herself, too traumatized to continue living her authentic life.
Supposed trans allies were so outraged at a fictional portrayal of transness, written by a trans woman, that they harassed a real life trans woman into detransitioning.
It's heartbreakingly familiar, isn't it? Many of us in fandom communities have been in Isabel's shoes, even if the outcome wasn't so extreme (or in some cases, when it truly was). Most especially, many of us, as marginalized writers speaking from our own experiences in some way, have found that others did not enjoy our framework for examining these things, and hurt us, members of those identities, in defense of "the community" as a nebulous undefined entity.
There's a quote that was posted in a news writeup about the whole saga that was published a year after the fact. The quote is:
The delineation between paranoid and reparative readings originated in 1995, with influential critic Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick. A paranoid reading focuses on what’s wrong or problematic about a work of art. A reparative reading seeks out what might be nourishing or healing in a work of art, even if the work is flawed. Importantly, a reparative reading also tends to consider what might be nourishing or healing in a work of art for someone who isn’t the reader. This kind of nuance gets completely worn away on Twitter, home of paranoid readings. “[You might tweet], ‘Well, they didn’t discuss X, Y, or Z, so that’s bad!’ Or, ‘They didn’t’ — in this case — ‘discuss transness in a way that felt like what I feel about transness, therefore it is bad.’ That flattens everything into this very individual, very hostile way of reading,” Mandelo says. “Part of reparative reading is trying to think about how a story cannot do everything. Nothing can do everything. If you’re reading every text, fiction, or criticism looking for it to tick a bunch of boxes — like if it represents X, Y, and Z appropriately to my definitions of appropriate, and if it’s missing any of those things, it’s not good — you’re not really seeing the close focus that it has on something else.”
A paranoid reading describes perfectly what fandom culture has become in the modern times. It is why "proship", once simply a word for common sense "don't engage with what you don't like, and don't harass people who create it either" philosophies, has become the boogeyman of fandom, a bad and dangerous word. The days of reparative readings, where you would look for things you enjoyed, are all but dead. Fiction is rarely a chance to feel joy; it's an excuse to get angry, to vitriolically attack those different from oneself while surrounded with those who are the same as oneself. It's an excuse to form in-groups and out-groups that must necessarily be in a constant state of conflict, lest it come across like This side is accepting That side's faults. In other words, fandom has become the exact sort of space as the nonfandom spaces it used to seek to define itself against.
It's not about joy. It's not about resonance with plot or characters. It's about hate. It's about finding fault. If they can't find any in the story, they will, rest assured, create it by instigating fan wars- dividing fandom into factions and mercilessly attacking the other.
And that's if they even went so far as to read the work they're critiquing. The ones they don't bother to read, as you saw above, fare even worse. If an AO3 writer tagged an abuser/victim ship, it's bad, it's fetishism, even if the story is about how the victim escapes. If a trans writer uses the title "I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter" to find a framework to dissect rainbow-washing the military-industrial complex, it's unforgivable. It's a cesspool of kneejerk reactions, moralizing discomfort, treating good/evil as dichotomous categories that can never be escaped, and using that complex as an excuse to heap harassment on people who "deserve it." Because once you are Bad, there is no action against you that is too Bad for you to deserve.
Isabel Fall's story follows this so step-by-step that it's like a textbook case study on modern fandom behavior.
Isabel Fall wrote a short story with an inflammatory title, with a genesis in transphobic mockery, in the hopes of turning it into a genuine treatise on the intersection of gender and sexuality and the military-industrial complex. But because audiences are unprepared for the idea of inflammatory rhetoric as a tool to force discomfort to then force deeper introspection... they zeroed in on the discomfort. "I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter"- the title phrase, not the work- made them uncomfortable. We no longer teach people how to handle discomfort; we live in a world of euphemism and glossing over, a world where people can't even type out the words "kill" and rape", instead substituting "unalive" and "grape." We don't deal with uncomfortable feelings anymore; we censor them, we transform them, we sanitize them. When you are unable to process discomfort, when you are never given self-soothing tools, your only possible conclusion is that anything Uncomfortable must be Bad, and the creator must either be censored too, or attacked into conformity so that you never again experience the horrors of being Uncomfortable.
So the masses took to Twitter, outraged. They were Uncomfortable, and that de facto meant that they had been Wronged. Because the content was related to trans identity issues, that became the accusation; it was transphobic, inherently. It couldn't be a critique of bigger and more fluid systems than gender identity alone; it was a slight against trans people. And no amount of explanations would change their minds now, because they had already been aggrieved and made to feel Uncomfortable.
Isabel Fall was now a Bad Person, and we all know what fandom spaces do to Bad People. Bad People, because they are Bad, will always be deserving of suicide bait and namecalling and threatening. Once a person is Bad, there is no way to ever become Good again. Not by refuting the accusations (because the accusations are now self-evident facts; "there is a callout thread against them" is its own tautological proof that wrongdoing has happened regardless of the veracity of the claims in the callout) and not by apologizing and changing, because if you apologize and admit you did the Bad thing, you are still Bad, and no matter what you do in future, you were once Bad and that needs to be brought up every time you are mentioned. If you are bad, you can NEVER be more than what you were at your worst (in their definition) moment. Your are now ontologically evil, and there is no action taken against you that can be immoral.
So Isabel was doomed, naturally. It didn't matter that she outed herself to explain that she personally had lived the experience of a trans woman and could speak with authority on the atrocity of rainbow-washing the military industrial complex as a proaganda tool to capture progressives. None of it mattered. She had written a work with an Uncomfortable phrase for a title, the readers were Uncomfortable, and someone had to pay for it.
And that's the key; pay for it. Punishment. Revenge. It's never about correcting behavior. Restorative justice is not in this group's vocabulary. You will, incidentally, never find one of these folks have a stance against the death penalty; if you did Bad as a verb, you are Bad as an intrinsic, inescapable adjective, and what can you do to incorrigible people but kill them to save the Normal people? This is the same principle, on a smaller scale, that underscores their fandom activities; if a Bad fan writes Bad fiction, they are a Bad person, and their fandom persona needs to die to save Normal fans the pain of feeling Uncomfortable.
And that's what happened to Isabel Fall. The person who wrote the short story is very much alive, but the pseudonym of Isabel Fall, the identity, the lived experiences coming together in concert with imagination to form a speculative work to critique deeply problematic sociopolitical structures? That is dead. Isabel Fall will never write again, even if by some miracle the person who once used the name does. Even if she ever decides to restart her transition, she will be permanently scarred by this experience, and will never again be able to share her experience with us as a way to grow our own empathy and challenge our understanding of the world. In spirit, but not body, fandom spaces murdered Isabel Fall.
And that's... fandom, anymore. That's just what is done, routinely and without question, to Bad people. Good people are Good, so they don't make mistakes, and they never go too far when dealing with Bad people. And Bad people, well, they should have thought before they did something Bad which made them Bad people.
Isabel Fall's harassment happened in early 2020, before quarantine started, but it was in so many ways a final chance for fandom to hit the breaks. A chance for fandom to think collectively about what it wanted to be, who it wanted to be for and how it wanted to do it. And fandom looked at this and said, "more, please." It continues to harass marginalized people, especially fans of color and queen fans, into suffering mental breakdowns. With gusto.
Any ideas of reparative reading is dead. Fandom runs solely on paranoid readings. And so too is restorative justice gone for fandom transgressions, real or imagined. It is now solely about punitive, vigilante justice. It's a concerted campaign to make sure oddballs conform or die (in spirit, but sometimes even physically given how often mentally ill individuals are pushed into committing suicide).
It's a deeply toxic environment and I'm sad to say that Isabel Fall's story was, in retrospect, a sort of event horizon for the fandom. The gravitational pull of these harassment campaigns is entirely too strong now and there is no escaping it. I'm sorry, I hate to say something so bleak, but thinking the last few days about the state of fandom (not just my current one but also others I watch from the outside), I just don't think we can ever go back to peaceful "for joy" engagement, not when so many people are determined to use it as an outlet for lateral aggression against other people.
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I'm staunchly against homeschooling (despite the fact I was heavily bullied to the point of becoming suicidal) for one and solely one reason:
It's way easier for pedophiles and abusive parents to destroy the heck out of their children if there are no outsiders to detect the signs and call the police.
Homeschooling should be illegal everywhere in the world because it's literally a tool for pedos who bred their victims into existence to abuse them limitlessly and scot-free.
THIS is what we as a society should worry about, not some rando in a sparkly costume dorkily reading children's books in a library.
#i'm glad it's already illegal in brazil in most cases#here in br you need to prove your child is disabled to the point of being unable to leave home to be able to homeschool them#like children with aggressive degenerative illlnesses or mental disorders so acute that leaving home would spiral them into a meltdown#bwcause other than that? your kid is fine they can go to school#also vaccines are mandatory if you want to put kids in school so there's that too#too bad plenty of parents just decide to skip the 'hassle' and never school their children in first place (nobody checks up in some places)#but most parents do have to put their kids in school (poorer people actually would rather do so for the extra income it earns them)#the ones who don't... well they DO have something seriously wrong going on in their heads#they're either antivaxxers or they really do want to freely abuse their children#tho plenty of them want to legalize freestyle homeschooling as an excuse to make their abuse more socially acceptable and less suspicious#it's really freaking awful
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payoff of being embedded in a unit of authoritarianism since birth is sure then being able to go like "wow this is just like dynamics & phenomena i experienced up close & personal, repeatedly, in many contexts & configurations in my first two decades of life" plus also beyond that in abuse culture world & the noncoincidence that even interactions beyond the confines of the home(tm) reinforced / did not contradict the hierarchy & concomitant abuse within....but then like hey yeah also the Larger Units of hierarchy & abuse / authoritarianism (ft. their logics & practices necessary for continuously & continually shoring up that hierarchy) can also make it like hey yeah the Two Parent abusive nuclear family more like the Two Party [the US is also a one party state but in typical american extravagance they have two] where right wingness is defined by the degree of directly embracing white supremacy & "left wing" is "anything else" hence like wow The Left is always infighting (everyone with any ideas besides "umm christofascist white ethnostate?" so like yeah there are many other ideas) vs The Right's admirable cohesion (simply re: the white supremacy idea which also necessarily embraces all other Out Group / Nonperson paradigms & practices b/c that's what all already has been necessary for shoring up the [when has the US been a nongenocidal non white supremacist non oligarchy])
like obviously individual experiences & contexts vary but like narrowing in on [the Family as immediate relations ideally cordoned off into nuclear households] ft. [Parental Authority the top priority of which is preserving that authority, ideally patriarchal, an abusive mother e.g.? hey, that ought to be the father] times it's like, think people tend to struggle re: having the "nicer" / "safer" parent who was also shitted on as well but also at the end of the day would always side with the "meaner" "more dangerous" parent, even in whatever terms most sympathetic to the abused parties, with the underlying logic that we're always just going to have to deal with them so some secret strategic mitigation is the best that can be done, perhaps the equivalent of being sent a ":(" after an Onslaught Of Expressed / Enforced Authority(tm) event....the tendency to see the best in any lack of actual intervention / protection on the assumption That Could Never Happen Anyway & forever At Least that the one parent isn't as bad as the other [the Not That Bad / Could've Been Worse infocation, like free bingo square in manifestations of minimization if not outright abuse denial] & all the sympathy for, you know, being human & doing their best(tm) &c which sure might all be true but the abused parties (oft children, more vulnerable than adults, by virtue of being children i.e. considered legal property of some specific adults & theoretical property of any adults in general (the paternal logic in any "protect [xyz]" like maintain one group's supposed ownership / control over [xyz] "for their sake" then? great) & also generally smaller & newer at being alive in this world) but who are liable to not extend that sympathy to themselves (or certainly not be extended that sympathy....when is "they're doing their best / they're only human / they mean well or whatever / they love you, they're family" successfully deployed the Thwart an abusive parent like it is to tell an abused child to not be too resentful of this situation, when is it actually deployed toward the abusive parent at all really. & again in the lack of boundary between the authoritarianism within many individual family households & that of the state they exist in (here re: the US) like that naturally one encounters the logic of abuse expressed just as "common knowledge" & the Assumptions of other people, e.g. the rejection of a parent having zero access to a child, the reinforcement of automatic apologia deployed for whatever a parent could possibly do, argued for "family", yet not deployed the same way to automatically defend anything thee child(tm) could do, thinking emoji lol....see: like the non boundary between [the Patriarchal home/family(tm)] & capitalism when uh oh capitalism the system of continuously maximizing exploitation Needs various forms of labor to be unpaid, uh oh another lack of boundary when white supremacy is used to also shore up the patriarchy that shores up the white supremacy, e.g. that even if in some "inferior" class it's treated as More Important that at least you're not that And black, the theoretical ideal/normal white man is a person while a white woman is a woman while a black woman is black, white women could have any legal property via chattel slavery which needed white women's participation to help enforce, the specter of sexual violence all coming from nonwhite & especially black men & it's up to the genteel white man to Protect Women (see prev, implicitly white or you'd have to specify otherwise)
anyway that is to get around to pointing to the Two Parent System wherein so shockingly the results are the same as the One Parent System re: abuse maintaining The Family (properly, i.e. unquestionable & certainly undeniable parental access to children, & "ideally" ofc again the patriarchal Father as ultimate authority w/ownership over the Mother, who in turn is theoretically honored for that motherhood (at least you own your children, insofar as it doesn't contradict w/what the father wants to do with his superior claim to ownership) & then finally all the obviously shittiness from being in that position in a patriarchy is in turn dumped on The Children who are ungrateful & owe the mother everything Because of what the broader society & immediate personal expressions of that abuse have done to her. see also ofc that two adults likely don't have the resources to raise a child in time or money or energy, maybe there's only one but also even an extended family's worth of adults aren't enough, is it enough when a child is sent to school for some other adults to be in charge most of the day, or even if someone is hired to look after them beyond that, all this ofc with the assumed premise that a child is always limited to the various Domains of The Adults In Charge, & from there i segue into how naturally being in gay baby jail unless & until adults are no longer recognized as Legally In Charge Of You (the grand like 5 minutes it's relatively been since the ideal timeline of a woman's life wasn't being legal property of her father until asap passed along to legal property of her husband. still considered ideal ofc but like with "maybe you can have a bank account" now & "maybe you can become 29 before you're in Old Maid danger" Maybe, i said, Maybe....anyway that obviously adults(tm) being divided up (atomised. spritz) into Households isn't even supposed to be enough to live on their own, re: necessitating Marriage, much less uh oh having kids who are stuck with their parents who are stuck with them, but then all the obvious actual problems & abuses inflicted on Adults to have to have their family households & exploited jobs are dumped on the children who Must appreciate & be loyal to the parents (i.e. never Deny Access) while yknow kids have Fake Problems they're whining about, the one Real Problem of having to pay a bill gets the payoff of leverage to tell your children to shut the fuck up or perhaps the more vulnerable spouse
hm didn't segue right into "so shoutout to like The Ratchet Effect diagrams lol, the "Two" Party System where its supposed left wing Blocks Movement To The Left, right wing Moves Everything To The Right" but even that is like, mm, conferring a passivity to what democrats do in the continual movement to the right (won an election? lost an election? the lesson either way is The Right Is Right; exact same logic as in "winning or losing" "the war on crime" like the collection & analysis of whatever statistics show the trend of some "crime" is increasing in frequency or magnitude? show that it's decreasing? the lesson either way is Cops Need More Power) like the institutional effort of democrats to push a candidate nobody wants through primaries (did we even do that this time around. oh great that the assumed candidate even graciously agreed to not force themself as The Candidate, & now like 5 min left with the Next In Line candidate dumped on everyone now with the lesson for the left(tm) to shut up already lol) & then it's up to Grassroots Voters. it's up to Unity & well we all Need to listen to the white supremacists, points were made, in the "elections" with voting as limited as possible & with the electoral college & supreme court as Safeguards against democracy & here's the senate, eternally thus, & again the conclusions will always manage to be moving To The Right, paraphrasing from twitter like democrats are about to be or already at the point of "in the name of unity we will no longer be running against republicans; it's too divisive :(" which yknow is already The Statements of all of yesterday from various like "i'm the republican official white supremacy agree-er now" after also the entire campaign of "no, I'm the fascist" where like wow shocking that the appeal to the fascists didn't win a) the fascists who will ofc want the even more overt fascism, why wouldn't they or b) the people who want antifascism actually, and do not want fascism; who could have foreseen? & it's always the fault of being Too Antifascist for the actions of the fascists or the Diplomatic Comprimises the other party makes with the fascists &/or their Failure to thwart them....the Nicer, Safer party in power is surely doing their best & at least they're not the Meaner, More Dangerous one but at the end of the day they'll always side with that party over america(tm) & those bearing the brunt of the actions of State Power can be told to keep their chin up or else to stop acting out b/c how do you expect that state power to respond, cmon, you bring it upon yourself, & you Have to work with them & understand all their feelings & your role in resolving those feelings by being lesser inferior property, you do Have to understand, b/c in the end this is All About Family, surely Good & Necessary, whoops i mean in the end this is All About America
anyway yeah i'm like damn my "nicer" (also shitty) father who was also the even more sexist & racist (& certainly no Less ableist, queerphobic) parent was basically the democratic party of the Two Parent System of Family Government lol. b/c we Need to perpetuate this Family, no other logics much less actions are acceptable....& people struggling with the Parent / Adults in their life like that who were the "safe" & "protective" ones who markedly failed to protect & minimized the harm afterwards but also in general, never to confront the reality of the situation, or do damage control like "aw some points were made at all :( ah i see you have Feelings about this :( hmm yes the Parental Power is gonna have to make some changes" & then as soon as possible (assuming reeling in the party who was deviating too much) these changes(tm) are already compromised or diminished if done at all, & then oops things incrementally might be right back to how they always were, no guarantees it won't be Worse b/c the Power is even more insecure / aware of weaknesses, & the only way this is thwarted is if the Wayward Parties can actually leverage new boundaries / less vulnerability, not b/c the supposedly sympathetic parties, who never came through where it counts & likely would also become overt antagonizers / wielders of whatever power within the Family hierarchy / turn on the more vulnerable parties to Get Them In Line, actually came through. movement Away (more disruptive to the maintenance of The Family, The State) is blocked, incrementally only ever moving everything back, & then Further....& despite this being what the power structures are, & do, the Disruptive parties liable to be scapegoated lol, can't believe the scapegoat child is ruining everything for everyone, this Family would totally improve & start being everything it could be otherwise & we ignore who actually has the power & is actually enforcing the hierarchy harming everyone to point to that scapegoat; can't believe thee left is destroying america (republican voice) can't believe the left is destroying america (democrat voice) So You See? The Undeniable Consensus. just like how i believe it was my fault my family unit was Like That & i had those experiences, according to the vast majority of Input from that family & even others who, knowing nothing, would say how Lucky i was to be relatively close to home, or just of course that oh well parents love their children & mean well & try their best. just like how i believe that being treated like i've been generally as a neurononconforming person, i.e. hated & the interpersonal abuse & bullying & ostracization & [attention possibilities: ignored, responded to but negatively, interacted with to get something from] & actually rewarding interactions or just actions being liable to get Deluxe authority responses as disruptive(tm) & ofc disobedient(tm) like hell fuckin yeah lol. just as i don't think that other people who have similar experiences or ones i don't have, i.e. assessed race being automatically seen as wrong / inferior, being isolated & undermined from all around? well gotta be their fault then, cmon lol....Abuse is actually normative, not extraordinary, in every Arena of interactions, & so are the logics / apologia / assumptions
anyway lol re: like yeah people struggling with the like betrayal of the "nooo i'm on your side, i sympathize, i'm the one who's nicer & you Need so that things aren't even worse" party, not even One Big Novel betrayal, but rather that that's what's Been done the whole time & doesn't stop. that supposedly if you have Any sympathy for that party you have to be like aw :( keep doing your thing (necessarily reining everyone in) or if you have Any sympathy for the people who also want things to improve but blame & take it out on the more disruptive parties (more disruptive to an abusive family e.g., btw. & not like i see Cohesion as necessarily some Good rather than neutral? when i'm autistic / my existence is supposedly antithetical to this? or when i'm able to look at a zillion hypothetical or actual situations & recognize how "cohesion" isn't the best goal / a destructive one / a vague concept anyways like cohesion Between Whom? on what basis? recognized & pursued how? why? up next: same as vague shit like "family" or "community" &c) then it's like yep gotta be Responsible for their feelings too if you're at all sympathetic & capitulate, The Only Possible Action, vs the idea of those in power actually making things shit stopping, much less being stopped / having to stop in the various ways that can happen....one way being "oh no, adult children who choose to be no-contact with parents" which is seen as A Tragedy, & sign of a Deteriorating Society, take me back. ah jeez oh no, look at the divorce raaates....Oh No, twentysomething women aren't pursuing marriage enoughhhh....again the undetectably identical echo when people peak vaguely talk about "conflicts" that thwart "community" or whatever, ugh nobody will date anymore, commit anymore, be friends anymore, hang out as coworkers anymore, talk to me if i want to talk to them anymore, &ccccc....
the real tl;dr is like wait ""two party"" (one party) US electoral system, just like ""two parent"" maintenance of thee family lol. ratchet effect raise your hand if you've only ever experienced Movement Away from the abusive family blocked, forever incrementally ratcheted back in to the desires & pursuits of those most in power / top of the hierarchy / thus of course most invested in the abuse, that's what the power & hierarchy is made of, sustained by, perpetuates....sorry doing our best :( sorry that's just all that's realistic, no other choice Really. cmon. kind of Your Fault if you don't agree to that & whoops now Everything is the fault of whoever doesn't agree & cooperate enough :( now look what you've done & brought upon yourself :( & we'll just forget the eruption of violence suppression happened & will happen again & be the overhanging threat all in the meantime
#aaand post whoops it's Politics; Abuse text blocks again. you know how it is#the [it's the same thing] resonance of Thee US State things & ppl's responses like what is this. my family (sitcom laugh track)#which then yes i do see the Differences first & foremost lol. going Hmm Antiauthoritarian Lens On News / Politics well before even#doing so re: my own family situation experiences which i was thinking of as normal (they were though) & not that bad (but it was)#indeed ''the home'' as a supposed site of Safety; relative restraint in the intrusion of State Power on such a domain#with being nonwhite & poor liable to make the home(tm) unavailable; less ''safe'' if so; less surveilled or intruded upon by the state#all wherein Money; Patriarchy; Parental Authority is meant to exert its own Control aka ''protect'' vulnerable parties a Home may contain#(that's a not necessarily neutral ''contain'' there lol) e.g. ah [true crime montage] women are Safe & Protected in The Home#as are Children as are Disabled People. oh no we have to be Necessarily Suspicious of what allows ppl to venture outside the home#rather than seeing that as neutral or perhaps even good when the Ideal Home Structure is as a force & site of isolation#oh god no not The Internet intruding into The Home (allowing people outside it. e.g. children. cough Aah Protect Them from Social Mediaaa)#stranger danger satanic panic true crime(tm) serial killer(tm) the scary nonwhite disabled poor Intruders of ideal suburbia etc....#tangent there. & if you aren't contained in a home / your home is not so Safe from state agents? well#just as pointing out [not in prison] as merely Lower Security that you will be moved to higher security (such as prison) over Violations#i.e. failure to be Properly Contained....uh oh out in public Unchaperoned; not spending money properly?? being nonwhite?#disabled? poor? That's Not Allowed; an appeal to some Personal authority (guardian; husband) might be made; might be seized by the state#to higher ''security'' b/c Lower isn't deemed containing you enough at Job & Home & not being too deviant & poor or intruding in the Domain#of those who are less so; incl even their illusion of power like umm i should never have to See a poor#might be executed with the automatic defense of the Necessity Of State Agent Killings & every last noble & sympathetic Feeling behind it#whether spontaneously as extrajudicial police killings or judicial preplanned state execution or the acceptance & embrace of deaths in the#context of the continuous exploitation & extra / exacerbated vulnerability for created & enforced social classes#& that every site of greater ''security'' is like; you must move toward Marriage; Nuclear Family; Normativity#your own ''proper'' exploitation in w/e structures like Family; Business; A ''Good'' ''Community''; A ''Good'' ''Nation''#or else For Your Own Good / The Good Of Others / You Bring It Upon Yourself like eh imprisonment? other exclusion / ostracization#while subject to the forces that get to respond to that realm of abjection. parallel abuse tactics of a prison vs perhaps a house/family#even more meandering tags here lol but much to discuss....certainly granted a relative fast track / front row seat via like#relatively ''normative'' life in various ways; white US sorta middle class; but personal autodidactic experiences as disabled queer#happening to be abused within the home (also plenty of Even More ''not that bad'' logics / practices even from Good Parents(tm)...Uh. lol)#no Experiences inherently guarantee w/e conclusions or principles but sure put mine to an antiauthoritarian context; boo hiss#& learned shit. stunned like wow yeah what's Disruptive to the norm is scapegoated? you stop ppl pleasing; ppl are displeased? whoah....
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bc you have things to say doesn't always mean you needa say them let alone it also doesn't always mean it's your place to say them kwim
#some ppl rlly think they have a little too many rights to decide what's okay for someone to do at what age#like shaming people for what they do with themselves n their bodies in movies in socials in works in their Lives bc age this age that#go touch some grass come back when ur ready to accept u dont have a say on anybody else. not a minor and much less an 18+ person#like that one cancelling attempt over noah liking a video about his own body. or that one scene in wyfstw that had people going like;#':o oh my gawd how can he do this. how is cinema not 24/7 tame and extremely family-friendly always?? he is like 10!' and it's a 20yo#or like millie getting engaged because they're in love and ppl being like but but but she is 19!!!! well. she is also Not You and Not Yours#she and her fiance made a choice to marry. bitch you made a choice to talk and i wasnt complaining when u did it was i#/ like people's choices with who they fall in love with. like people's relationships that very much do Not include you#/ also very important; like shaming sex workers for whatever the fuck ur reason is im about to grab you by the ear and rip it off#NONE of that above and More is there for u to be without anyone even asking u all like Okay here's my veredict- girl No#ur freedom of speech hand it over.jpeg#this other day i saw this thing abt this married couple that met cause he was a 21yo#and she was 18 and she liked him and he knew and was like wanna go out or sum and now years after theyre literally married making a family#and ppl were like sorry but that mortified me i cant be the only one thats so disturbed and girl#i know you aint shaming a happy couple rn because of age difference#people turn their heads and gape like it's illegal when they hear age difference and i think yall getting a little too comfy with judging#people for who they love. for judging what u personally dont understand. if u aint been thru it u literally just dont get it#just using someone else's ongoing relationship to victimise urself get out pls and thanku#like i Know the risk that comes thru age differences no matter how big how small but risks come from many more places than one#grooming is a Very real thing and that doesnt mean you get to stamp it on everything. how about dont throw around serious terms#guilt-tripping an older person and victimising and infantilising a young person both in a relationship they want to be in#when said people aint even /you/ dont make you hero.#then again ppl tend to twist 'younger people need to feel safe' in so many ways but thats another story#like im not gonna get into guilttripping people that want to portray real feelings wants and acts onto fictional characters that make You s#mortified you start throwing Real srs allegations that you should Not be allowed to have in your vocabulary if thats how you gon use them#u Know what im talking about#sense the level of seriousness. try and be conscious of what people go through regarding said dangers#stop pointing fingers at people that have made it so far just because they could have Not made it
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Prologue: A Day Like No Other
This is the prologue for the 1k Event! It'll split into routes from here!
1k Masterlist
When you woke up that morning, you expected an ordinary day—classes, Grim stealing food from your tray, and maybe an explosion or two courtesy of Ace and Deuce. What you didn’t expect was for nearly every boy in the entire school to suddenly decide, out of nowhere, that they wanted to ask you out.
Riddle Rosehearts
He corners you right after class, red as a lobster, clutching a rulebook in one hand like it’s his lifeline. "I… I thought you might like to attend a formal tea ceremony with me this weekend. You have excellent posture, and I believe we would engage in delightful conversation."
He clears his throat and adjusts his collar. "Of course, I’ll have a list of acceptable topics for us to discuss."
You stare at him. He's shaking slightly.
"...Is this a date?"
His ears turn crimson. "It is not—" He exhales deeply. "Yes, it is. Please say yes."
Trey Clover
Trey smiles warmly as he approaches you after club activities. "Hey, I made a batch of tarts, and I thought we could eat them together. Just us. I mean... It’d be nice to spend time with you. Alone."
He rubs the back of his neck, trying not to look embarrassed. "And if you’d like, I could teach you how to bake something... Maybe, uh, something sweet?"
Cater Diamond
Cater pops out of nowhere, phone already in hand and pointed at you. "Yooo! Wanna go on a date with me? We could take tons of selfies, make Vil jealous, and trend under #CoupleGoals."
You blink at him.
"And hey," he adds with a wink, "if we get along, maybe I’ll tag you in my socials. Exclusive content, you know?"
Ace Trappola
"Okay, look," Ace says, leaning casually against the wall. "I’m not saying you should pick me over, like, Leona or Malleus or whoever—but I’m way more fun than those guys. C’mon, let’s go out. I’ll buy you ice cream. Two scoops."
He wiggles his eyebrows. "You know you want to."
Deuce Spade
Deuce looks nervous but determined, like he’s psyching himself up for a boxing match. "I—I know I’m not the smoothest guy around, but I really like spending time with you! And if you’ll go out with me, I promise I’ll… I’ll be a perfect gentleman. Or at least, uh, I’ll try to be."
Leona Kingscholar
Leona, as usual, doesn’t even try to sugarcoat it. "Come nap with me."
"Is that your idea of a date?"
He shrugs. "You don’t seem like the type to want fancy dinners. This is less effort. Plus, I sleep better when you’re there."
Ruggie Bucchi
"Heyyyy," Ruggie grins, tugging on your sleeve. "How ‘bout you and me hit the town? I know a place that gives out free meals if you pretend to be engaged. C’mon, it’ll be fun!"
Jack Howl
Jack frowns, clearly struggling with the words. "I’m not great at this stuff, but... If you want, we could run together sometime? Or, uh, go on a walk?"
He glances away, ears twitching. "It’d be nice. With you."
Azul Ashengrotto
Azul adjusts his glasses, smiling like he’s just sealed the most important business deal of his life. "It would be an honor to escort you to a dinner at Mostro Lounge. Of course, all expenses will be covered. Consider it... an exclusive arrangement."
Jade Leech
Jade leans in just a little too close, that unsettling smile plastered on his face. "I believe we would have an interesting time exploring the woods together. Perhaps we’ll discover some mushrooms... or each other’s secrets?"
Floyd Leech
Floyd swings an arm over your shoulder, grinning ear to ear. "Oi, let’s go somewhere fun! If anyone bothers us, I’ll squish ‘em."
"Floyd, is this a date?"
"Obviously! Hehe, you're stuck with me now, Shrimpy."
Kalim Al-Asim
Kalim’s eyes sparkle with excitement. "Wanna come to a party? It’ll be huge! And afterward, we can ride my magic carpet under the stars!"
You barely have time to respond before he’s already planning an itinerary.
Jamil Viper
Jamil sighs, looking like he’s regretting this already. "If Kalim hasn’t dragged you off yet… would you like to grab lunch? Somewhere quiet, where I won’t have to babysit anyone."
Vil Schoenheit
Vil regards you with a calculating smile. "We could attend an opera together. Or a fashion show, if you prefer. You have potential, you know. I wouldn’t mind refining it."
Rook Hunt
"Ah, mon trésor!" Rook exclaims, dramatic as ever. "It would be a delight to hunt for beauty with you! A picnic in the forest, perhaps? Under the moonlight, where all things enchanting dwell."
Epel Felmier
Epel grins mischievously. "Wanna go smash stuff?"
"...That’s your idea of a date?"
"Yup." He winks. "You in or what?"
Idia Shroud
Idia looks like he’s on the verge of fainting. "So, uh... I-I heard there’s this new game releasing. M-maybe we could play it together? Or not. Forget I asked."
Before you can respond, Ortho pops up cheerfully. "Say yes! My brother’s been practicing this for weeks!"
Malleus Draconia
Malleus looms over you, an almost shy smile on his face. "I would be honored if you would accompany me on a stroll through the gardens. There are many things I wish to show you... and, perhaps, learn from you as well."
Lilia Vanrouge
Lilia grins, his fangs glinting in the light. "How about a little mischief together? We could visit an amusement park or play pranks on the first years. Either way, I guarantee it’ll be memorable!"
Silver
Silver, looking half-asleep, gives you a soft smile. "If you’d like, we could... I don’t know. Sit under a tree and talk. Or just... exist, I guess. As long as it’s with you."
Sebek Zigvolt
Sebek stands stiffly, as if on the verge of saluting. "I would like to take you to dinner! Not that it matters to me, of course! But it would be... logical for us to spend time together. As comrades!"
Rollo Flamme
Rollo catches you alone, adjusting his pristine cuffs with his usual air of seriousness. “I dislike crowds, so I will be brief,” he says, voice as even as his posture. “Would you like to accompany me to a quiet tea house? I find your company... less intolerable than most.”
You blink at him.
He clears his throat, visibly uncomfortable. “Consider it a date.” Then, after a pause, he quickly adds, “If you wish, of course.”
His ears are red, but he refuses to meet your gaze, determined to keep his dignity intact.
And just like that, you find yourself drowning in invitations. Your phone buzzes with reminders from Ortho ("Don't forget to reply to my brother!") and Epel’s laughter rings in your ears. Ace and Deuce whisper ominously about Riddle’s wrath.
Leona, meanwhile, lazily waves from the other end of the hall. "Pick whoever you want. If it's not me, just don’t wake me up."
So...
Who will it be?
1k Event Masterlist (Go here for routes)
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#twst x reader#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland x reader#twst#malleus x reader#idia x reader#azul x reader#jamil x reader#leona x reader#riddle x reader#trey x reader#cater x reader#ace trappola x reader#deuce x reader#jack howl x reader#ruggie x reader#epel x reader#vil x reader#rook x reader#lilia x reader#silver x reader#sebek x reader#rollo x reader#kalim x reader#jade leech x reader#floyd x reader
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I sometimes wonder if a lot of people on the left just don't let themselves be consciously aware that yes, the people who back authoritarianism, fascism, and generally n*zi bullcrap will be voting. On all levels, local to national. All the time.
Because like, people who aren't authoritarian in leaning will argue. Will point out that there's cons and be depressed sometimes easily that there is no perfect candidate.
But- the very point of being an authoritarian is that once they choose their authority, they do what they are told.
They are told to vote by one politician they decided is on their side to vote for another one and will do it without many, if any, questions.
They're told to vote (illegally if it's during a service) by their pastor, by their boss, by their parents, by their spouse, by someone in authority over them that they have accepted as the authority, and they'll go out and do it.
Some of them can snap out of it if it really goes too much against some spark inside, but the whole thing of their wanting a simplistic us vs them world view where they can just sit back and do what they're told and feel better, comfortable, or even superior for doing it means that they'll go do as they're told and then feel good and superior about doing it.
This is how they've long-gamed the GOP to where it is today, that's what is meant when people say "the Republicans just go out and vote". They do that! And they vote without putting any thought into it, without stressing much about imperfections.
Non authoritarians/non-fascists are more likely to give up, or argue against candidates, or just be contrarian, and thus might rather shoot themselves in the foot when it comes time to just doing what is a civic duty to try and prevent the rise of what the other side will always, always turn out in their full numbers to back.
Even if they live in an area where theoretically they would be outvoted 20 to 2, they will show up 'defiantly' and cast their votes for the person they have been told by someone they have decided to trust told them to vote for. Even if they don't know a damn thing about the candidate other than two talking points from a campaign ad or that were talked about at the church social.
This doesn't make any voting at all useless, it doesn't make anyone who votes sheep. It makes voting absolutely required by anyone opposing them. Not 'instead' of community action and protests and letters or whatever the fuck else, but along with.
It means as long as there are any elections, yes, to avoid fascists winning elections 'fairly' (not gonna get into gerrymandering here,) people have got to show up and vote against them, because the fascist voters aren't going to take a mental health day or write in a joke or go third party. Some person whose authority clicked a little circuit in their brain on, who maybe got them riled up about <one thing> told them to vote for <whoever> and they are going to vote for <whoever>, regardless of whatever <other things> are out there being ignored as less consequential.
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