#some dissociation though

[rbtlvr]

(text from this post, fic is little kid with a big death wish by @remedyturtles)

i'm genuinely not sure where to start here - ig first of all this fic is absolutely incredible and if you somehow haven't read it yet you absolutely should!

okay. man. rem, this fic means so so much to me and i'm so glad i got to be here for it. i think this is one of those fics that'll stick with me years down the line even if one day i'm not into tmnt anymore, one i'll come back to over and over again

your writing has touched so so many people myself very much included, and i just. want to thank you so much for writing this fic and thank you for sharing it. you're an amazing writer and an amazing person and i'm lucky to know you. i can't wait to see what you do next

[starrynightteam]

OSDD system when they start to open up:

[faggling]

ive decided im singlehandedly going to bring mr robot back from the dead because if any show deserves to have a revival in popularity it does

like.

can you fucking imagine the discourse??? the possibilities are endless

[daily-neurodivergent-character]

Daily Neuro-Divergent Character #19

Uendo Toneido!

From Ace Attorney!

Uendo canonically has DID!!!

Requested by @suziehearts!

[windupaidoneus]

maybe a crazy thing to say but i do wish g'raha was a character that gets more personal exploration. like. how uniquely... odd... perhaps isolating it must feel, to have lived all these things yet only be the same 24 y/o you were when you walked into the tower to slumber. that surely must lead to identity issues of sorts. a fear of legitimacy regarding being who he even is. i wonder if there are times krile can't quite recognise him despite knowing full well it is him. i wonder if he notices

[twowivestwoknives]

not to DID post on main (we got @moshpit-sys for that) but any other hosts feel like they were the Wrong Choice for host and are just chugging through life like

"the little engine that fucking has to?"

[quatregats]

This scanned really really badly but I had to draw Ander forcing Mats to reenact this video with him because I think he would think it was the funniest thing ever

[vee-lociraptor]

extremely messed up that covid can have long term mental side effects they don’t tell you about actually

[the-abyssal-system]

Other people in the system changing their names: *picks a name they like with relatively little difficulty*

Me, extraordinarily bad at this apparently: what about air? Air can be a name right?

[cherry-shipping]

ok so anyway. if anyone is curious abiut dreamy and their role in miles world. they r besties with him But also like a secret babysitter. because as hard as he tries He s kinda a shit hero And tbh every spiderman except like hobie (also dreamys bestie. btw) is naive as hell when it comes to heroism. theyre like crime bad always No exceptions. so dreamy works sorta from the shadows to Erm clean up after miles a bit. like. erm. bust certain so called villains out of jail bc like -_- a dude stealing baby formula from a store does Not deserve 2 go 2 prison Hello. and sometimes they team up w miles and they play incompetent and clumsy like Oh Nooo iaccidentally let the bad guy get away 😣😖 like they r literally playing secret hero babysitter for his ass. instead of those “from your friendly neighborhood spiderman” notes theyd be like. “sorry lol //local villain sympathizer”. n e ways Thats their deal. in miles universe Smiles ^_^

[charlie-rulerofhell]

TV of the Lost, Ep. 574

[qoldenskies]

THE 50 THOUSAND WORD MARK HAS BEEN BREACHED I REPEAT THE FIFTY THOUSAND WORD MARK HAS BEEN BREACHED

[mad-hunts]

so, i'm gonna give y'all a warning for this post immediately because i have yet to talk about this on here besides with one or two people, and the last thing i want to do is make anyone uncomfortable... but if you believe that cannibalism is a trigger for you then please do not continue beyond this point. for those of you who are okay with it, though, let me start by saying this:

barton does engage in cannibalistic acts sometimes, and this is actually one of the few, if not the only sources of shame that he feels in response to the heinous acts that he commits pretty much on the daily. and this is because he believes himself that it is disgusting and not something to be proud of; so, in a way, it does kind of demonstrate that he has some humanity left in him albeit in a very unsavory way and that's mainly why i wanted to bring it up. because his relationship with this part of him... well, it really isn't good, for lack of better words. which is understandable considering cannibalism is a rather big taboo in society, but it has become somewhat of a compulsion for him. not to excuse it in ANY capacity, of course. that is honestly just the best word i could use to describe it as i've done some research about it and, like other serial killers, barton is SO perpetually lonely that by consuming his victims -- it makes him feel like he is no longer so alone anymore as he will always be able to 'carry' a part of them with him that way, so-to-speak, and they'll never be able to leave him.

now this is obviously not the way to go about dealing with his loneliness at all, as it is extremely messed up both morally and honestly, just wrong as a human being to do. but i also believe that there are other factors at work regarding his tendency to sometimes cannibalize his victims, and that is that because of the trauma he endured at the hands of his biological father (wesley mathis) whom forced him to eat people with him. it could sort of function as a very unhealthy coping mechanism for him to navigate that complex trauma; and this is because it may serve as an attempt for him to restore a sense of control over himself that he felt was stolen from him as a child, since he had no choice but to engage in it. plus, interestingly enough, antisocial personality traits are often an underlying element in those who divulge in cannibalistic acts. and cannibals in one study have been found to have more cases of abuse / have more family members who are criminals, so this could also be indicative that his environmental upbringing very well could have a hand in his subsequent (occasional) cannibalism after he commits his killings.

i also thought i would mention that, despite his apparent depravity, barton has taken extra care not to expose his own children to the same trauma that he had to suffer from as a result of wesley (what with the 'hunting trips' that they went on) and he would NEVER want his kids to see him eating people. so, although it still is unquestionably wrong for him to be cannibalizing people, things are a little complicated in that regard. while i'm talking about it, for my closing thought, i'd like to say that the police does highly suspect that the dollmaker is a cannibal but they haven't been able to confirm it as of yet. though i'd imagine that most of the underground knows that he cannibalizes people because rumors can be spread quite quickly, and i can totally imagine the way in which people found out being that they were unfortunate enough to have to stumble upon barton just... eating someone. and a lot more casually than one should probably be about it, because half of the time, he doesn't even remember that he's done it afterward because his mind literally just blocks it out. but that's something i shall expand on more later

[saints-helen]

:333

More crepic making out! With even MORE angst this time! :D

Implied human cross and epic, but feel free to ignore the like, three lines that reference that😭

All the cw and tw are in the past btw, because epic would NEVER, so dw about that, it's just cross thinking about the past

Heed the tags, enjoy!

Cross felt his breath knocked away, his eyes fluttering closed and open as epic gently kissed him, he reached out his arm by instinct, to grip, to pull, to- Anything, but epic stopped him, gently yet firmly grabbing his scrambling wrist, calming him for a moment, squeezing, before he interlaced their fingers together and cross Breathed.

Cross settled on having his eyes closed, his hand squeezing epic's here and there for reassurance, and it was always met with a steadying squeeze back as he slowly yet surely relaxed, as epic hasn't gone any deeper yet.

Yet.

He squeezed his hand yet again, Tighter this time, more insistent, and epic squeezed right back, thumb tracing over his hand's back in circles as he tilted his head, gentle, soft,

Patient.

Cross willed his eyebrows to relax, willed his shoulders to untense as they broke away a moment to breathe, only to get right back to it, the nerves alight in his head calming, smoothing beneath the slow, warming heat.

He exhaled through his nose finally, relaxing, and he felt epic smile against him, as if he couldn't help it, and it made his breath stutter all over again.

God he likes this but God he hadn't done this in so Long, not like this, at least, and never for this long.

It was a precursor before everyone else's favourite event, and it never seemed to matter whether cross wanted to indulge in it a bit more before moving on, so he'd simply stopped asking.

But he never had to Ask with epic. Well, he Did, actually, but it was moreso to get Rewarded for asking (usually with extra kisses) than it was for keeping himself.. safe, as epic had put it.

It still seemed Weird, that he has a choice in this, that he has a choice in any of this at all and wasn't just expected to do it to fulfill some unseen, unsaid quota of their relationship, that he wasn't "failing" by "depriving" epic of what he so surely "deserved".

(He's the one that scoffed, He's the one that insisted cross put quotation marks around those words, and as miffed and annoyed as cross was about it, he's never been one to disobey. So, he obeyed, and he did it)

Epic never went too fast with him, and the most shocking thing is, he didn't even seem to Want to.

He seems Delighted in it, actually, each time cross asked him to be patient, asked him if they could go slower. He seemed to Revel in it, that hesitant question, and he seemed to find it even More enticing to tell cross that yes, of course, that Is what they'll be doing, usually while adding some incredibly stupid nickname at the end to make him blush even More, as if how flustered he was already wasn't enough.

Cross was used to being rushed, being stringed along, having to pull himself out the daze kissing put him in and hastily take off his clothes for the next part, lest the other party get impatient or Worse, disinterested.

But it didn't even seem like epic was being Nice. He was patient, sure, kind, incredibly so, gentle, moreso than cross thought was possible, but he just- he didn't seem like he Wanted to go faster, rougher, get to the "good" part quicker,

(Again with the damn Quotation marks)

("Any time i spend with you is the best part of my day, bruh, whatever we do during that time doesn't really matter to me.")

He just.. he just seemed to like this, like it like this, like it the way cross did. And cross knew he'd done it in other ways, Many other ways, epic was not shy about telling him how much fun he had with random people, but its just- why? Why was he also like this? He said he'd like it any way cross liked it, and cross had said he's fine with anything, so epic should pick right? But he Didn't.

And that's the thing, he Never Picked, and it was Infuriating.

Cross. Hated. Things he couldn't understand. Moreso about himself, moreso about other People, more and more about Epic. He Hated it he hated it with a burning passion. And one think he could never understand, was why epic just- let him have his way with him. Any way he wanted. Always.

It felt unfair. It felt Disgusting, and more than anything it felt Wrong, like cross was committing some horrible, horrible sin by making him "wait".

And epic insisted that it was fine, Insisted that cross could take his time but how long until he got sick of him, too?

How long until his smile began straining around the words? How long until he looked at cross like he was- defective, Wrong, god forbid Needy, for not wanting this like everybody else did,

For not wanting this as Often as everyone else did.

Epic pulled away slightly, murmuring something to cross that he couldn't hear as he gently pushed him to lay down on the bed, and instantly cross felt that familiar panic, that rush of adrenaline and tv static in his head as epic adjusted his position to sit on top.

Hesitantly, before be could stop himself from thinking about it, he pushed his hand against epic's chest, weakly willing him away, an excuse on the tip of his tongue, maybe tomorrow, he was tired, really, Really maybe let's try again tomorrow night- before epic had it clamped back shut again by grabbing his hand and pressing it to his cheek, his eyes contently closed as he nuzzled it, voice soft.

"Nothing more, promise. Just kissing, nothing else. Yeah?"

And pressing soft kisses to his palm, cross swallowed, voice suddenly feeling so very stupid.

"I- yeah, yeah okay i- yeah, yeah."

"Alright."

He sighed, straddling cross's waist as he leaned down to press their chests together, and cross couldn't even think if the position was comfortable for him or not before epic was sighing again, speaking dreamily.

"You're so Pretty cross, so good with me"

And oh, oh did That get him to shut up.

Then came his common question, a lovestruck look in his eyes as he cupped his cheek, thumbing at the soft skin beneath his hand;

"May i?"

And, of course, he got a bashful nod.

And they were kissing again.

Stars above, okay-

And that's another thing, they hadn't had sex yet. It was... Fine, he supposes. But it was more weird than anything that Epic found it fine, too.

Granted cross would be happily content in never doing it, but he knew that wasn't how it worked, he knew that wasn't how Any of this worked, and he really, really liked epic, loved him, even, and he really, really wanted to keep this going.

(He'd never met anybody else so Nice, so kind, so patient with him and all his stupid stupid bullshit. And he really didn't want that to go away) so he knew he'd have to suck it up eventually and just get it over with.

And then.. keep getting it over with. For what would presumably be the rest of.. the rest of his life.

..

...

....

Yeah he just- he just really didn't want to keep thinking about that and- God why couldn't his brain just focus on the fact that they were Kissing-

And regarding that thing from earlier, his brain oh so Helpfully and Lovingly supplied, why did epic never rush him? Why did he never get sick of waiting? He told him he'd be content waiting, he told him he'd be content waiting for him Forever, but he just- cross knew he didn't know what he was talking about, he knew he didn't understand what he was getting into, how long forever actually was, because if he did, they wouldn't be here right now, with epic straddling his waist, yet somehow not putting too much weight on his body, and his hands roaming over cross's cheek and neck and carding through his hair.

Making out.

Like it was All epic wanted to do.

He wonders, then, if he didn't put his hand up what would've happened, if he didn't stop him (stop him, ha, like cross had ever actually stopped anyone in his entire life) would he have initiated? Would he have just started? Who's clothes would he have taken off first? He knew epic would go slow, hopefully gentle, but slow still always eventually got Somewhere, got There.

There's Always a destination, and it seems cross is the only person not wanting to go.

Maybe there really is something wrong with him, his inability to understand what people mean when they say "forever" has led to one of his first relationships just- going really, really badly.

He'd been relieved, content, even, Happy, when his partner had told him with a smile that they loved him so. That they would wait forever.

Honeyed words, and he was so Happy, so, so happy.

Until it all turned to impatience, because "taking it slow" always meant getting there eventually, cross just- hadn't realised that "eventually" and "forever" apparently had basically the same meaning.

He'd said no, multiple times, and yet the nagging never stopped.

Well, it wasn't exactly "nagging" he supposes, that's kind of unfair, it was more... The air.

Everywhere.

Flinching away from every touch he'd lean into before, because he knew if he leaned into lt, they'd Always try again.

The compliments slowly ever so slowly shifting to only how he looked, how body, how his voice was so very Lovely, and cross wasn't stupid, he knew what this meant, for all his stupid, Stupid inability to read between the lines everyone else saw, he knew what this meant, he just pretended not to, he Didn't Want to, he didn't Want to understand, he didn't Want to Do this, and be hated this song and dance so, so much, how it all came down to- how the Entire relationship came down to whether he could suck it up and do it or not.

And.. of course,

He did.

Didn't last long, disappointing really, over somehow after what felt like hours and yet also felt just like a few minutes, or seconds, who was sure, the people there maybe, He certainly wasn't, and if he was, he couldn't remember it all that well.

All that he Could remember, however, was the fact he was broken up with less than a week later.

"We're just not compatible", they'd said, voice clipped and arms crossed and looking away, all while cross tried to catch their eye for something to cling to.

"But i.. i did it, just like you wanted right? I set the mood and everything" he said, his voice slowly growing weaker then stronger "so why are.. and anyway you'd said you'd wait forever, so what was the problem?? You didn't have to even though you said you Would"

"Stars above cross do you just not understand!? "Forever" isn't real, it just means- ugh, whatever, you wouldn't understand anyway" they said, with a hint of hurt in their voice, as if this was all somehow Cross's fault, for believing what they'd told him.

And it just- it wasn't, right? He did everything right? He did, he Knows he did. Maybe he made them wait a bit too long or- or Something but he Did Do it!! And not Badly may he add, he did it, he did it and he did it Well so-

So why wasn't it enough?

He'd do it quicker next time, surely then, but no, dumped again.

Okay, um, maybe that was a fluke? No, dumped Again.

Okay.. maybe the first date next time? No, ghosted, and left in bed cold and alone even though he was promised company the next morning (and oh.. oh god had that hurt more than Anything).

Over and over and over again he'd been Perfect, he'd been good, and listened, and did as he was expected to and yet it was never, Ever, enough.

What was he doing wrong? Was it him? Was it Him that was the problem? He didn't really enjoy it yeah duh but maybe if he faked it better this time and No, no no no dumped Again.

He didn't understand. He didn't Understand, what kept going wrong? Was he truly that unlikable? That even when bending over backwards (sometimes Literally!) for other people he still wasn't Good enough? Did he Have to want this? Was that the only way?

And if he couldn't, was he just-.. doomed?

He didn't think he could take it. He didn't think he could take it if he woke up alone again, if cuddling turned to fondling again, if gentle turned to rough and he had to just Sit There and Grit His Teeth and Bear it.

Maybe, Maybe, if he tried hard enough but no, they could see it in him, smell it on him, how wrong he was how Defective.

God, stars, he should apologise.

Epic really did get the least fun version of him.

[elmelloill]

i can't complain about lack of comments/feedback bc i am so so bad at commenting on fics and especially on smut but i posted something outside of my usual comfort zone and i am currently Withering.

[brittlebutch]

sonic and snufkin actually kind of feel like very similar characters to me. holding hands over “my personal sense of freedom and dedication to making decisions based on what I think is right is what matters most, and if you’ve built some idealized version of me in your head then that’s none of my business and it’s not my responsibility if the reality of who i am lets you down in some way”. also the deep connection to nature and all.