#some I read when I was a young teenager many years ago and some I read just this past month

[jessilynallendilla]

DPXDC KID DANNY FIC REC

TITLE/LI NK RATING COMPLETED-WORD-COUNT SERIES

DP FIC REC HOME POST

let me know if the links aren't working and feel free to suggest any

KID DANNY 

Eldritch Toddler  T 7,466 SERIES 

Bruce is not prepared for when John Constantine hands over a young boy who has been de-aged. While Constantine goes off in search of the one responsible, Bruce and his family are left to care for the child. Danny is a sweet kid, he isn't fussy either! This should be fine. They quickly learn to take Constantine's warnings seriously. 

I Found Him, He's Mine Now  G 1,810 SERIES 

Damian finds Danny alone in the park waiting for his (imaginary) dog with no parents in sight. That level of negligence is unacceptable and if he has to be this boy's guardian then so be it. 

Mother Of The Storms And Her Star Child  T 

After an accident leaves everyone Danny has ever known dead, and clockwork injured. He brings a now younger Danny to an old friend. His old pal has the perfect place for him amongst her other wards. But Danny is scared and scarred, can the bat fam trace down the young boys origins? Leave it to the family of detectives. 

Danny Finding A Family In The Shape Of A Bat  NR 

Clockwork sends Danny to alt dimension de-aged and injured after the reveal goes bad. Clockwork had a plan and lets Danny know so he can get set in this new world where being a hero is an actual job, and sliding Danny where he needs to be to gain an actual childhood and training. Bruce finds another blood child he didn't know about. 

So You Suddenly Found Yourself The Father Of A Ghost Child....  G SERIES 

Timothy Drake-Wayne would have it known that he did not get infected by Bruce's adoption problem. The kid hanging off of his coat just followed him home. 

Cut Out The Middleman  G 973 SERIES 

Alfred adopts himself a grandchild. 

(Un)Dead Beat Dad  NR 

Danny finally escaped his parents, and in his muddled thought process, went to see his mentor, clockwork. Clockwork, however, had no clue what to do and took Danny to his dear old friend, Gotham. Going along with this game of halfa telephone, Gotham took the now six-year-old boy to her most trustworthy knight. 

It Takes A Mob  NR 8,402 SERIES 

Bill didn't ask for a lot from life. A roof over his head and a job to the pay the rent.  He spent a lot of his adult life being the punching bag of a bunch of furries and has had every single bone in his leg removed on more than one occasion. That being said he wasn't a dumbass. He knew how to read a room and was smart enough to Know when the odds had changed. It's this reason that Bill has found himself in the possession of one tiny Meta in the city known for a strict rule against them. God, Bill should've never left the Goonion. 

Gotham's Youngest Ghost  NR 

Somewhere in Gotham, a small child finds themself alone and lost on the streets of Crime Alley. Nearby, a liminally-challenged vigilante has no idea his life is about to be turned upside down. Again. This is all Clockwork's fault, Danny is sure of it. 

My Boy, My Son  G 18,210 SERIES 

In desperate need of a vacation, Danny has Clockwork turn him into a five year old so that he can have the childhood he never got. Soon, five year old Danny finds himself running wild in Gotham only to be kidnapped by some weird teenager in a costume who decides that Danny is going to be his son. What's Danny to do but accept this new weird guy as his new dad and become a super cool crime fighting vigilante with his new adopted family who have no clue he's a two thousand year old ghost king? 

Uncanny  G 

Jim Gordon sees a boy walk down Park Row. A boy that looks exactly identical to a tiny and terrified kid that he pulled into his arms and comforted after his parents died so many years ago. 

Don't Leave Me In The Dark  NR SERIES 

What's Jason supposed to do when he comes home one night to find a crying child with only one arm, and Lazarus Pit green eyes, wiping their own blood up from his apartment floor? The answer is probably not, "Adopt them.", but, hey, he's never had the best plans and the kid looks like he weighs five pounds soaking wet. (Danny can't remember how old he is - he remembers being sixteen, but he remembers being six even clearer - just that the last thing in his head is someone rooting around his intestines and telling him he's a fascinating specimen.) 

Sunshine  T 2,826 SERIES 

Dick finds a pair of young children outside in the cold. He takes them in as his own. Soon Jazz starts showing worrying signs. 

The Son Of The Red Hood  T 

Clockwork intervenes in Danny's life so that he can learn all he needs to be king of the Infinite Realms, and hopefully this time he can actually be loved and cared for the way he deserves. 

It's Strong, And It's Sudden, And It's Cruel Sometimes (But It Might Just Save Your Life)  T 1,404 SERIES 

[Attempt number-one-hundred had been successful.] When Dan woke up, his very first thought was his usual: ‘Goddamn son of a fucking bitch.’ That was when he realized that he didn’t say it out loud. 

A Ghostling's Second Chance  T 

Due to a problem concerning ghosts, undead, and the reliving happening in lady Gotham's city, she asked for help from her dear friend Clockwork. one thing leads to the other and now team phantom must help the bats with cults, owls, talons, LoA, and... apparently being known as teen dads??? Team phantom also has to deal with being de-aged, good thing that half of them can pass as old beings who can be tracked back to the roman empire, or is the Egyptian empire older?? 

Alfred And The Tiny Attic Squatters  G   

Alfred discovers four tiny squatters hiding in the attic and spends a number of days coaxing them out while keeping Bruce and the rest of the family from imploding after they discover that Damian is not his only child.  It only gets more chaotic when they discover other relations and that the children may be involved in many of the unexplained events going on around Gotham. Jazz just wants to punch Clockwork in the throat for de-aging them and dropping them in a alternate dimension where she is getting targeted by a combat furry crime boss and his bird-themed minions, several of who seemed to have developed a obsession with her that is giving her strong Vlad vibes. 

The Joys Of Fatherhood  T SERIES 

He'd never expected this. It was a complete shock. But he was going to do this right, he was going to be the best dad ever to this precious little boy. His adorable little bird. 

A Second Life  G 159,219 SERIES 

He wakes up with no memories. He knows things, but he doesn’t know why. Who is he? And how did he get here? 

Baby Catastrophe (Literally)  T 

Everyone knows babies exist. Only a few know that Jason has a baby. And none of them know that said baby is a de-aged Ghost King with no survival instincts. 

Imprint  T 

He screwed his eyes shut, held his breath, desperately wished that he was back in his safehouse, alone and blissfully unaware. But the weight in his hands remained, and when he opened his eyes, it was to the bean-shaped 'fuck you' the Lazarus Pit had kindly bestowed upon him, arms and legs folded up against his front beneath off-white muslin while tiny lips smacked softly. What the fuck. What the hell was Jason supposed to do now? 

Please Don't Take My Sunshine Away   T SERIES 

After escaping from the GIW, Danny crash lands in Gotham. He's six years old, his entire life has burned behind him, and one of the Gotham vigilantes is running around with a stifled Core. What's a kid to do? A Jason Adopts Danny fic featuring De-aged!Danny, family feels, and Jason's Grand Master Plan going completely off the rails. 

Dick Grayson V Gotham  T 

It's taken months, but Dick Grayson was finally able to foster Danny Smith, the kid who kept showing up to crime scenes and solving murders. But after reporters learn about Danny's existence, Dick returns to Gotham to wait out the media storm. Fortunately, Bruce is allowing him to help on this new Red Hood case. Danny's not supposed to be here. Not in this dimension, not in this kid body, not without his powers. For the last year, he's made the most of it and even developed a reputation of being a medium detective. But now, his foster dad is taking him to Gotham, where threats new and old challenge the stability he's found. 

Raising Phantom  T SERIES 

Jasmine started working at Gotham's Public Library, while having to take care of her baby brother and going to college. Danny is frustrated at having to be in hiding as well as everything else poor in his life. Also there is something off about the man that comes in to check books out. His family included. Batfamily playing a game to figure out these two's life only for things to get serious quickly. 

The Boy King And The Dark Knights  T SERIES 

Daniel Fenton may be dead, but he wasn’t suicidal. Unfortunately, avoiding Batman and his vigilantes get a lot harder when he’s stuck in a seven year olds body in Gotham. Clockwork so owes him for this. In which Danny Fenton fixes a broken family, grows a bit as a person, and makes another technically-dead friend. Not exactly in that order. 

To Become Blue-Blooded T

Bruce Wayne was named Prince of Gotham for decades. He didn’t though about it much. The Wayne family being called the royal family of America, or the Bat family having great influence and prestige in the superheroes community was just another type of fame, of prestige, sometimes a tool but more of an annoyance. Danny Fenton knew the weight of the Infinite Realms’ Throne. It was the type of power that reached everything around you and changed all your ties in life and death. He took the smart decision when he refused. But the Realms needed a Monarch. And so Daniel existed.

[annemariewrites]

List of all the books I’ve read

just wanted to keep a list of what I’ve read throughout my life (that I can remember)

Fiction:

“Where the Red Fern Grows,” Wilson Rawls

“The Outsiders,” S. E. Hinton

“The Weirdo,” Theodore Taylor

“The Devil’s Arithmetic,” Jane Yolen

“Julie of the Wolves series,” Jean Craighead George

“Soft Rain,” Cornelia Cornelissen

“Island of the Blue Dolphins,” Scott O’Dell

“The Twilight series,” Stephanie Mayer

“To Kill a Mockingbird,” Harper Lee

“Gamer Girl,” Mari Mancusi

“Redwall / Mossflower / Mattimeo / Mariel of Redwall,” Brian Jacques

“1984,” and  “Animal Farm,” George Orwell

“Killing Mr. Griffin,” Lois Duncan

“Huckleberry Finn,” Mark Twain

“Rainbow’s End,” Irene Hannon

“Cold Mountain,” Charles Frazier

“Between Shades of Gray,” Ruta Sepetys

“Great Short Works of Edgar Allan Poe,” Edgar Allan Poe

“Lord of the Flies,” William Golding

“The Great Gatsby,” F Scott Fitzgerald

“The Harry Potter series,” JK Rowling

“The Fault in Our Stars,” “Looking for Alaska,” and “Paper Towns,” John Green

“Thirteen Reasons Why,” Jay Asher

“The Hunger Games series,” Suzanne Collins

“The Perks of Being a Wallflower,” Stephen Chbosky

“Fifty Shades of Grey,” EL James

“Speak,” and “Wintergirls,” Laurie Halse Anderson

“The Handmaid’s Tale,” Margaret Atwood

“Mama Day,” Gloria Naylor

“Jane Eyre,” Charlotte Bronte

“Wide Sargasso Sea,” Jean Rhys

“The Haunting of Hill House,” Shirley Jackson

“The Chosen,” Chaim Potok

“Leaves of Grass,” Walt Whitman

“Till We Have Faces,” CS Lewis

“One Foot in Eden,” Ron Rash

“Jim the Boy,” Tony Earley

“The Vanishing Act of Esme Lennox,” Maggie O’Farrell

“A Land More Kind Than Home,” Wiley Cash

“A Parchment of Leaves,” Silas House

“Beowulf,” Seamus Heaney

“The Silence of the Lambs / Red Dragon / Hannibal / Hannibal Rinsing,” Thomas Harris

“Cry the Beloved Country,” Alan Paton

“Moby Dick,” Herman Melville

“The Hobbit / The Lord of the Rings trilogy / The Silmarillion,” JRR Tolkien

“Beren and Luthien,” JRR Tolkien, edited by Christopher Tolkien

“Children of Blood and Bone / Children of Virtue and Vengeance,” Tomi Adeyemi

“Soundless,” Richelle Mead

“The Girl with the Louding Voice,” Abi Dare

“A Song of Ice and Fire series / Fire and Blood,” GRR Martin

“A Separate Peace,” John Knowles

“The Bluest Eye,” and “Beloved,” Toni Morrison

“Brave New World,” Aldous Huxley

“The Giver / Gathering Blue / Messenger / Son,” Lois Lowry

“The Ivory Carver trilogy,” Sue Harrison

“The Grapes of Wrath,” and “Of Mice and Men,” John Steinbeck

“The God of Small Things,” Arundhati Roy

“Fahrenheit 451,” Ray Bradbury

“The Night Circus,” Erin Morgenstern

“Sunflower Dog,” Kevin Winchester

‘A Tree Grows in Brooklyn,” Betty Smith

“The Catcher in the Rye,” JD Salinger

“The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian,” Sherman Alexie

“Bridge to Terabithia,” Katherine Paterson

“The Good Girl,” Mary Kubica 

“The Last Unicorn,” Peter S Beagle

“Slaughterhouse Five,” Kurt Vonnegut Jr

“The Joy Luck Club,” Amy Tan

“The Sworn Virgin,” Kristopher Dukes

“The Color Purple,” Alice Walker

“Their Eyes Were Watching God,” Zora Neale Hurston

“The Light Between Oceans,” ML Stedman

“Yellowface,” RF Kuang

“A Flicker in the Dark,” Stacy Willingham

“One Piece Novel: Ace’s Story,” Sho Hinata

“Black Beauty,” Anna Seawell

“The Weight of Blood,” Tiffany D. Jackson

“Mulberry and Peach: Two Women of China,” Hualing Nieh, Sau-ling Wong

“The Weight of Blood,” Laura McHugh

“Everybody’s Got to Eat,” Kevin Winchester

“That Was Then, This is Now,” S. E. Hinton

“Rumble Fish,” S. E. Hinton

Non-fiction:

“Anne Frank: Diary of a Young Girl,” Anne Frank

“Night,” Elie Wiesel

“Invisible Sisters,” Jessica Handler

“I Am Malala,” Malala Yousafzai

“The Interesting Narrative,” Olaudah Equiano

“The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks,” Rebecca Skloot

“Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl,” Harriet Jacobs

“The Princess Diarist,” Carrie Fisher

“Adulting: How to Become a Grown Up in 468 Easy(ish) Steps,” Kelly Williams Brown

“How to Win Friends and Influence People,” Dale Carnegie

“Carrie Fisher: a Life on the Edge,” Sheila Weller

“Make ‘Em Laugh,” Debbie Reynolds and Dorian Hannaway

“How to be an Anti-Racist,” Ibram X Kendi

“Maus,” Art Spiegelman

“I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings,” Maya Angelou

“Wise Gals: the Spies Who Built the CIA and Changed the Future of Espionage,” Nathalia Holt

“Persepolis,” and “Persepolis II,” Marjane Satrapi

“How to Write a Novel,” Manuel Komroff

“The Nazi Genocide of the Roma,” Anton Weiss-Wendt

“Children of the Flames: Dr. Josef Mengele and the Untold Story of the Twins of Auschwitz,” Lucette Matalon Lagnado and Sheila Cohn Dekel

“Two Watches,” Anita Tarlton

“The Ages of the Justice League: Essays on America’s Greatest Superheroes in Changing Times,” edited by Joseph J. Darowski

“Shockaholic,” Carrie Fisher

[dostoyevsky-official]

The Elite College Students Who Can’t Read Books

Nicholas Dames has taught Literature Humanities, Columbia University’s required great-books course, since 1998. He loves the job, but it has changed. Over the past decade, students have become overwhelmed by the reading. College kids have never read everything they’re assigned, of course, but this feels different. Dames’s students now seem bewildered by the thought of finishing multiple books a semester. His colleagues have noticed the same problem. Many students no longer arrive at college—even at highly selective, elite colleges—prepared to read books.

This development puzzled Dames until one day during the fall 2022 semester, when a first-year student came to his office hours to share how challenging she had found the early assignments. Lit Hum often requires students to read a book, sometimes a very long and dense one, in just a week or two. But the student told Dames that, at her public high school, she had never been required to read an entire book. She had been assigned excerpts, poetry, and news articles, but not a single book cover to cover.

[...] Twenty years ago, Dames’s classes had no problem engaging in sophisticated discussions of Pride and Prejudice one week and Crime and Punishment the next. Now his students tell him up front that the reading load feels impossible. It’s not just the frenetic pace; they struggle to attend to small details while keeping track of the overall plot.

No comprehensive data exist on this trend, but the majority of the 33 professors I spoke with relayed similar experiences. Many had discussed the change at faculty meetings and in conversations with fellow instructors. [...] Daniel Shore, the chair of Georgetown’s English department, told me that his students have trouble staying focused on even a sonnet.

Failing to complete a 14-line poem without succumbing to distraction suggests one familiar explanation for the decline in reading aptitude: smartphones. Teenagers are constantly tempted by their devices, which inhibits their preparation for the rigors of college coursework—then they get to college, and the distractions keep flowing. “It’s changed expectations about what’s worthy of attention,” Daniel Willingham, a psychologist at UVA, told me. “Being bored has become unnatural.” Reading books, even for pleasure, can’t compete with TikTok, Instagram, YouTube. In 1976, about 40 percent of high-school seniors said they had read at least six books for fun in the previous year, compared with 11.5 percent who hadn’t read any. By 2022, those percentages had flipped.

[...] Mike Szkolka, a teacher and an administrator who has spent almost two decades in Boston and New York schools, told me that excerpts have replaced books across grade levels. “There’s no testing skill that can be related to … Can you sit down and read Tolstoy? ” he said. And if a skill is not easily measured, instructors and district leaders have little incentive to teach it. [...] The pandemic, which scrambled syllabi and moved coursework online, accelerated the shift away from teaching complete works.

[...] But it’s not clear that instructors can foster a love of reading by thinning out the syllabus. Some experts I spoke with attributed the decline of book reading to a shift in values rather than in skill sets. Students can still read books, they argue—they’re just choosing not to. Students today are far more concerned about their job prospects than they were in the past. Every year, they tell Howley that, despite enjoying what they learned in Lit Hum, they plan to instead get a degree in something more useful for their career.

[...] For years, Dames has asked his first-years about their favorite book. In the past, they cited books such as Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre. Now, he says, almost half of them cite young-adult books. Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson series seems to be a particular favorite.

[nellasbookplanet]

Book recs: black science fiction

As february and black history month nears its end, if you're a reader let's not forget to read and appreciate books by black authors the rest of the year as well! If you're a sci-fi fan like me, perhaps this list can help find some good books to sink your teeth into.

Bleak dystopias, high tech space adventures, alien monsters, alternate dimensions, mash-ups of sci-fi and fantasy - this list features a little bit of everything for genre fiction fans!

For more details on the books, continue under the readmore. Titles marked with * are my personal favorites. And as always, feel free to share your own recs in the notes!

If you want more book recs, check out my masterpost of rec lists!

Lagoon by Nnedi Okorafor

Something massive and alien crashes into the ocean off the coast of Nigeria. Three people, a marine biologist, a rapper, and a soldier, find themselves at the center of this presence, attempting to shepherd an alien ambassador as chaos spreads in the city. A strange novel that mixes the supernatural with the alien, shifts between many different POVs, and gives a one of a kind look at a possible first contact.

Nubia: The Awakening (Nubia series) by Omar Epps & Clarence A. Hayes

Young adult. Three teens living in the slums of an enviromentally ravaged New York find that something powerful is awakening within them. They’re all children of refugees of Nubia, a utopian African island nation that sank as the climate worsened, and realize now that their parents have been hiding aspects of their heritage from them. But as they come into their own, someone seeks to use their abilities to his own ends, against their own people.

The Scourge Between Stars by Ness Brown

Novella. After having failed at establishing a new colony, starship Calypso fights to make it back to Earth. Acting captain Jacklyn Albright is already struggling against the threats of interstellar space and impending starvation when the ship throws her a new danger: something is hiding on the ship, picking off her crew one by one in bloody, gruesome ways. A quick, excellent read if you want some good Alien vibes.

Dawn (Xenogenesis trilogy) by Octavia E. Butler*

After a devestating war leaves humanity on the brink of extinction, survivor Lilith finds herself waking up naked and alone in a strange room. She’s been rescued by the Oankali, who have arrived just in time to save the human race. But there’s a price to survival, and it might be humanity itself. Absolutely fucked up I love it I once had to drop the book mid read to stare at the ceiling and exclaim in horror at what was going on. Includes darker examinations of agency and consent, so enter with caution.

Midnight Robber by Nalo Hopkinson*

Utterly unique in world-building, story, and prose, Midnight Robber follows young Tan-Tan and her father, inhabitants of the Carribean-colonized planet of Toussaint. When her father commits a terrible crime, he’s exiled to a parallel version of the same planet, home to strange aliens and other human exiles. Tan-Tan, not wanting to lose her father, follows with him. Trapped on this new planet, he becomes her worst nightmare. Enter this book with caution, as it contains graphic child sexual abuse.

Rosewater (The Wormwood trilogy) by Tade Thompson

In Nigeria lies Rosewater, a city bordering on a strange, alien biodome. Its motives are unknown, but it’s having an undeniable effect on the surrounding life. Kaaro, former criminal and current psychic agent for the government, is one of the people changed by it. When other psychics like him begin getting killed, Kaaro must take it upon himself to find out the truth about the biodome and its intentions.

Do You Dream of Terra-Two? by Temi Oh

Young adult. A century ago, an astronomer discovered a possibly Earth-like planet. Now, a team of veteran astronauts and carefully chosen teenagers are preparing to embark on a twenty-three year trip to get there. But space is dangerous, and the team has no one to rely on but each other if - or when - something goes wrong. An introspective slowburn of a story, this focuses more on character work than action.

The Best of All Possible Worlds by Karen Lord

After the planet Sadira is left uninhabitable, its few survivors are forced to move to a new world. On Cygnus Beta, they work to rebuild their society alongside their distant relatives of the planet, while trying to preserve what remains of their culture. Focused less on hard science or action, The Best of All Possible Worlds is more about culture, romance and the ethics and practicalities of telepathy.

Mirage (Mirage duology) by Somaiya Daud

Young adult. Eighteen-year-old Amani lives on an isolated moon under the oppressive occupation of the Valthek empire. When Amani is abducted, she finds herself someplace wholly unexpected: the royal palace. As it turns out, she's nearly identical to the half-Valthek, and widely hated, princess Maram, who is in need of a body double. If Amani ever wants to make it back home or see her people freed from oppression, she will have to play her role as princess perfectly. While sci-fi, this one more has the vibe of a fantasy.

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon

Life on the lower decks of the generation ship HSS Matilda is hard for Aster, an outcast even among outcasts, trying to survive in a system not dissimilar to the old antebellum South. The ship’s leaders have imposed harsh restrictions on their darker skinned people, using them as an oppressed work force as they travel toward their supposed Promised Land. But as Aster finds a link between the death of the ship’s sovereign and the suicide of her own mother, she realizes there may be a way off the ship.

Where It Rains in Color by Denise Crittendon

The planet Swazembi is a utopia of color and beauty, the most beautiful of all its citizens being the Rare Indigo. Lileala was just named Rare Indigo, but her strict yet pampered life gets upended when her beautiful skin is struck by a mysterious sickness, leaving it covered in scars and scabs. Meanwhile, voices start to whisper in Lileala's mind, bringing to the surface a past long forgotten involving her entire society.

Eacaping Exodus (Escaping Exodus duology) by Nicky Drayden

Seske is the heir to the leader of a clan living inside a gigantic, spacefaring beast, of which they frequently need to catch a new one to reside in as their presence slowly kills the beast from the inside. While I found the ending rushed with regards to plot and character, the worldbuilding is very fresh and the overall plot of survival and class struggle an interesting one. It’s also sapphic!

Chain-Gang All-Stars by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah*

In a near future America, inmates on death row or with life sentences in private prisons can choose to participate in death matches for entertainment. If they survive long enough - a rare case indeed - they regain their freedom. Among these prisoners are Loretta Thurwar and Hamara "Hurricane Staxxx" Stacker, partners behind the scenes and close to the deadline of a possible release - if only they can survive for long enough. As the game continues to be stacked against them and protests mount outside, two women fight for love, freedom, and their own humanity. Chain-Gang All-Stars is bleak and unflinching as well as genuinely hopeful in its portrayal of a dark but all to real possible future.

Parable of the Sower (Earthseed duology) by Octavia E. Butler*

In a bleak future, Lauren Olamina lives with her family in a gated community, one of few still safe places in a time of chaos. When her community falls, Lauren is forced on the run. As she makes her way toward possible safety, she picks up a following of other refugees, and sows the seeds of a new ideology which may one day be the saviour of mankind. Very bleak and scarily realistic, Parable of the Sower will make you both fear for mankind and regain your hope for humanity.

Binti (Binti trilogy) by Nnedi Okorafor

Young adult novella. Binti is the first of the Himba people to be accepted into the prestigious Oomza University, the finest place of higher learning in all the galaxy. But as she embarks on her interstellar journey, the unthinkable happens: her ship is attacked by the terrifying Meduse, an alien race at war with Oomza University.

War Girls (War Girls duology) by Tochi Onyebuchi

In an enviromentally fraught future, the Nigerian civil war has flared back up, utilizing cybernetics and mechs to enhance its soldiers. Two sisters, by bond if not by blood, are separated and end up on differing sides of the struggle. Brutal and dark, with themes of dehumanization of soldiers through cybernetics that turn them into weapons, and the effect and trauma this has on them.

The Space Between Worlds (The Space Between Worlds duology) by Micaiah Johnson

Multiverse travel is finally possible, but there’s a catch: No one can visit a world where their counterpart is still alive. Enter Cara, whose parallel selves happen to be exceptionally good at dying. As such she has a very special job in traveling to these worlds, hoping to keep her position long enough to gain citizenship in the walled-off Wiley City, away from the wastes where she grew up. But her job is dangerous, especially when she gets on the tracks of a secret that threatens the entire multiverse. Really cool worldbuilding and characters, also featuring a sapphic lead!

The Fifth Season (The Broken Eart trilogy) by N.K. Jemisin*

In a world regularly torn apart by natural disasters, a big one finally strikes and society as we know it falls, leaving people floundering to survive in a post apocalyptic world, its secrets and past to be slowly revealed. We get to follow a mother as she races through this world to find and save her missing daughter. While mostly fantasy in genre, this series does have some sci-fi flavor, and is genuinely some of the best books I've ever read, please read them.

The Women Could Fly by Megan Giddings*

In an alternate version of our present, the witch hunt never ended. Women are constantly watched and expected to marry young so their husbands can keep an eye on them. When she was fourteen, Josephine's mother disappeared, leveling suspicions at both mother and daughter of possible witchcraft. Now, nearly a decade and a half later, Jo, in trying to finally accept her missing mother as dead, decides to follow up on a set of seemingly nonsensical instructions left in her will. Features a bisexual lead!

The Prey of Gods by Nicky Drayden

South African-set scifi featuring gods ancient and new, robots finding sentience, dik-diks, and a gay teen with mind control abilities. An ancient goddess seeks to return to her true power no matter how many humans she has to sacrifice to get there. A little bit all over the place but very creative and fresh.

The Summer Prince by Alaya Dawn Johnson*

Young adult. Young artist June Costa lives in Palmares Tres, a beautiful, matriarchal city relying heavily on tradition, one of which is the Summer King. The most recent Summer King is Enki, a bold boy and fellow artist. With him at her side, June seeks to finally find fame and recognition through her art, breaking through the generational divide of her home. But growing close to Enki is dangerous, because he, like all Summer Kings, is destined to die.

The Blood Trials (The Blood Gifted duology) by N.E. Davenport

After Ikenna's grandfather is assasinated, she is convinced that only a member of the Praetorian guard, elite soldiers, could’ve killed him. Seeking to uncover his killer, Ikenna enrolls in a dangerous trial to join the Praetorians which only a quarter of applicants survive. For Ikenna, the stakes are even higher, as she's hiding forbidden blood magic which could cost her her life. Mix of fantasy and sci-fi. While I didn’t super vibe with this one, I suspect fans of action packed romantasy will enjoy it.

Babel-17 by Samuel R. Delany

1960s classic. Rydra Wong is a space captain, linguist and poet who is set on learning to understand Babel-17, a language which is humanity's only clue at the enemy in an interstaller war. But Babel-17 is more than just a language, and studying it may change Rydra forever.

Pet (Pet duology) by Akwaeke Emezi

Young adult novella. Jam lives in a utopian future that has been freed of monsters and the systems which created and upheld them. But then she meets Pet, a dangerous creature claiming to be hunting a monster still among them, prepared to stop at nothing to find them. While I personally found the word-building in Pet lacking, it deftly handles dark subjects of what makes a human a monster.

Bonus AKA I haven’t read these yet but they seem really cool

Lion's Blood by Steven Barnes

Alternate history in which Africans colonized South America while vikings colonized the North. The vikings sell abducted Celts and Franks as slaves to the South, one of which is eleven-years-old Irish boy Aidan O'Dere, who was just bought by a Southern plantation owner.

The Sound of Stars by Alechia Dow

Young adult dystopia. Ellie lives in a future where humanity is under the control of the alien Ilori. All art is forbidden, but Ellie keeps a secret library; when one of her books disappears, she fears discovery and execution. M0Rr1S, born in a lab and raised to be emotionless, finds her library, and though he should deliver her for execution, he finds himself obsessed with human music. Together the two embark on a roadtrip which may save humanity.

Womb City by Tlotlo Tsamaase

Lelah lives in future Botswana, but despite money and fame she finds herself in an unhappy marriage, her body controlled via microchip by her husband. After burying the body of an accidental hit and run, Lelah's life gets worse when the ghost of her victim returns to enact bloody vengeance.

Orleans by Sherri L. Smith

Young adult. Fen de la Guerre, living in a quarantined Gulf Coast left devestated by storms and sickness, is forced on the run with a newborn after her tribe is attacked. Hoping to get the child to safety, Fen seeks to get to the other side of the wall, she teams up with a scientist from the outside the quarantine zone.

Everfair by Nisi Shawl

A neo-victorian alternate history, in which a part of Congo was kept safe from colonisation, becoming Everfair, a safe haven for both the people of Congo and former slaves returning from America. Here they must struggle to keep this home safe for them all.

The Splinter in the Sky by Kemi Ashing-Giwa

Space opera. Enitan just wants to live a quiet life in the aftermath of a failed war of conquest, but when her lover is killed and her sister kidnapped, she's forced to leave her plans behind to save her sister.

Honorary mentions AKA these didn't really work for me but maybe you guys will like them: The City We Became (Great Cities duology) by N.K. Jemisin, The Lesson by Cadwell Turnbull, The A.I. Who Loved Me by Alyssa Cole

[makingqueerhistory]

Spooky Queer Books

Since spooky season is starting, I thought I would share a list of my favourite queer books that are great for this time of year.

Some of these links are affiliate links.

It Came from the Closet: Queer Reflections on Horror

Joe Vallese

Horror movies hold a complicated space in the hearts of the queer community: historically misogynist, and often homo- and transphobic, the genre has also been inadvertently feminist and open to subversive readings. Common tropes--such as the circumspect and resilient "final girl," body possession, costumed villains, secret identities, and things that lurk in the closet--spark moments of eerie familiarity and affective connection. Still, viewers often remain tasked with reading themselves into beloved films, seeking out characters and set pieces that speak to, mirror, and parallel the unique ways queerness encounters the world.It Came from the Closet features twenty-five essays by writers speaking to this relationship, through connections both empowering and oppressive. From Carmen Maria Machado on Jennifer's Body, Jude Ellison S. Doyle on In My Skin, Addie Tsai on Dead Ringers, and many more, these conversations convey the rich reciprocity between queerness and horror.

Into the Drowning Deep

Mira Grant

The ocean is home to many myths, But some are deadly... Seven years ago the Atargatis set off on a voyage to the Mariana Trench to film a mockumentary bringing to life ancient sea creatures of legend. It was lost at sea with all hands. Some have called it a hoax; others have called it a tragedy. Now a new crew has been assembled. But this time they're not out to entertain. Some seek to validate their life's work. Some seek the greatest hunt of all. Some seek the truth. But for the ambitious young scientist Victoria Stewart this is a voyage to uncover the fate of the sister she lost. Whatever the truth may be, it will only be found below the waves. But the secrets of the deep come with a price.

The Devouring Gray

C. L. Herman

After her sister's death, seventeen-year-old Violet Saunders finds herself dragged to Four Paths, New York. Violet may be a newcomer, but she soon learns her mother isn't: They belong to one of the revered founding families of the town, where stone bells hang above every doorway and danger lurks in the depths of the woods. Justin Hawthorne's bloodline has protected Four Paths for generations from the Gray--a lifeless dimension that imprisons a brutal monster. After Justin fails to inherit his family's powers, his mother is determined to keep this humiliation a secret. But Justin can't let go of the future he was promised and the town he swore to protect. Ever since Harper Carlisle lost her hand to an accident that left her stranded in the Gray for days, she has vowed revenge on the person who abandoned her: Justin Hawthorne. There are ripples of dissent in Four Paths, and Harper seizes an opportunity to take down the Hawthornes and change her destiny--to what extent, even she doesn't yet know. The Gray is growing stronger every day, and its victims are piling up. When Violet accidentally unleashes the monster, all three must band together with the other Founders to unearth the dark truths behind their families' abilities...before the Gray devours them all.

Tell Me I'm Worthless

Alison Rumfitt

Three years ago, Alice spent one night in an abandoned house with her friends, Ila and Hannah. Since then, Alice's life has spiraled. She lives a haunted existence, selling videos of herself for money, going to parties she hates, drinking herself to sleep. Memories of that night torment Alice, but when Ila asks her to return to the House, to go past the KEEP OUT sign and over the sick earth where teenagers dare each other to venture, Alice knows she must go. Together, Alice and Ila must face the horrors that happened there, must pull themselves apart from the inside out, put their differences aside, and try to rescue Hannah, whom the House has chosen to make its own. Cutting, disruptive, and darkly funny, Tell Me I'm Worthless is a vital work of trans fiction that examines the devastating effects of trauma and how fascism makes us destroy ourselves and each other.

[a-very-tired-jew]

You're not as informed as you think, and age does play a factor.

This is going to ruffle some feathers, but it needs to be said. You're not as informed on the I/P Conflict and the history of the region as you think, and age plays a major factor. Hell, you're not as informed on a lot of topics as you think. I want you to think about what you were doing 5 years ago. Were you still running around on the playground? Were you making dioramas for a science class? Were you in high school worried about being a first year? Were you just starting to pick out colleges or deciding to even go? Did you ever call a teacher by their first name? Now, there is a line that we hear thrown about that people don't fully mature till they're 25. While this is bupkis and misrepresents the research, it is true that the brain does not stop developing till sometime in the mid to late 20s. In fact, the brains of undergraduates age 18-22 and their respective thought patterns more closely resemble high schoolers than they do mid 20s and above. So what does this mean in the course of the I/P conflict? For one thing, this is your first incident. Your first I/P war. Those of us in our 30s and above have seen a good number of them at this point. I even remember when the use of child suicide bombers became a standard method for Hamas and other terrorist groups during the Second Intifada. As such, many of us are used to the manipulation that we see in this particular region. We're used to seeing antisemitism be dismissed and well intentioned people be manipulated. Many of us are just tired because you're going through the same shit we did at your age and we look back and go "oh, we were severely misinformed". Because this is your first, you're super passionate about it, but that passion can be manipulated. Second, you're not as smart or well informed as you think you are. This has to do with the age and maturation thing mentioned above. While 25 is an arbitrary number, there are some milestones that happen by then. By 25 you have had enough life experience to really start piecing together your education, your life experiences, your world experiences, and your respective beliefs into a coherent way of approaching topics. Hopefully by that age you're less likely to have the emotional outburst in response to a subject (think about the stereotypical slamming the door teenager behavior, many of us did that and we cringe thinking about it) and more likely to approach something in a levelheaded and informed manner. Unfortunately there is some research that shows evidence that Gen Z and Millenials are susceptible to propaganda and misinformation, with the former exhibiting behavior akin to Boomers. So keep that in mind that none of us are safe for misinformation, but some generations are worse than others. Now, who am I to say this to you? Some of you are quite mad right at the moment. Some of you have strived to be seen as well informed young adults or to be taken seriously, and in some cases you are. However...

I'm in my 30s and I have been teaching at the college level for a decade and some change now. By no means am I an expert, but I have enough experience to say something. The ages I teach are 18+, meaning I've had students that are typical fresh high school grads and students that are in their 50s. Myself and my colleagues have heard repeatedly from students the "I'm an adult, I know what I'm doing" line to only watch that 18-22 y.o. student fail miserably or come crying to us later. I have personally watched students go through the stages of grief as they realized in my classes that their pet science activism is not what they thought, but they've wrapped so much of their identity around it. You're still learning, and thinking you know more just because you read something online is an issue. You're also still growing and developing as a person. Recognize that you can be manipulated. Recognize that you can be wrong. Recognize your own inherent biases. Then do better.

[m00nl1ghts1vt]

City of Love - Matt Sturniolo

Requested by anon Part Two. Part three Pairings - Matt Sturniolo x fem!Reader Warnings - strong language & a lil fluff 😇 W/c - 2536 Summary - You move back to your hometown, Boston, after a bad breakup. When your takeout gets dropped off next door, your neighbor comes by to give you your food, already paid for. A/n - Thank you for requesting ❤️ I had a lot fun with this one!! Kinda gave me some inspiration so I might do a mini series about it?? Let me know what you guys thinks!! I wrote this off my phone but edited most of it on my computer so hopefully there’s no typos 🤦🏻‍♀️ Requests are always open! Check out my masterlist for my most recents!! Also dividers & photos are not mine - all credits to owners. Update - edited. Thank you for reading!!

"Over there is fine," you point to the mover you had hired. After ending things with your high school sweetheart, nearly four months ago, you decided to make the move to one of your favorite cities. The only romantic relationship you've ever known was gone, it left you feeling lonely. Instead of dwelling on the situation, you decided to make light of it, accepting a new job, and moving across the country. Call it crazy, but you couldn't bear living in the same town as the man who broke your heart.

It was a proximity thing - no matter how many times your brain told you to stay away, your heart wouldn't allow it. So, the only way to finally wash your hands of your shitty ex, was to get the fuck away from him. And that's exactly what you did.

Boston has always held a special place in your heart. Your parents were born and raised here. They graduated, meeting after college, and having you a couple years later. Unfortunately, your family moved to Seattle before you hit age 12, due to your dad's busy work life, but you always made it a point to come back.

Your parents referred to Boston as the 'city of love', being that's where their relationship began to really flourish. The love they had for each other inspired you. It was nothing you had ever witnessed, or experienced, before. To this day, they still act like teenagers in love. One of your main goals in life was to find a love like theirs. It was raw and real.

"Okay, looks like that's the last of it," your head snaps to the man standing in the doorway of your new home. You shake your head, almost like you're trying to push the thoughts out of it.

Clearing your throat, "thank you so much, Tony," walking over to your purse, and scavenging through it. You pull out a fresh hundred-dollar bill, holding it in front of you, "I appreciate you guys so much!"

Tony's eyebrows raise and a confused, yet surprised look takes over his face, "you already paid by card, Ms. y/l/n."

You shake your head at him, "it's a tip. I had a lot of stuff to move, and you guys were available last minute. Here, Christmas is coming up soon." Knowing Tony had three young children at home, it was the least you could do. He had only talked about them the whole time he was moving all your belongings in. He ran a small moving business with his brother and father-in-law, and honestly you called all over the city, trying to find a moving company who would accept your proposition last minute. Tony was the only company with the availability, and that you were grateful for.

Knowing money was never a problem for you, you went out of your way to help others in need, whether it be giving a homeless man a hot meal or volunteering at the local food drive. It warmed your heart every time you did a good deed, hoping your act of kindness would go a long way for somebody, someday. Tony gives you an appreciative nod, taking the tip, and goes on his way.

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──

It was almost seven o'clock at night. You decided unpacking was too much of a bother, so you ordered Chinese take-out instead. There you were, sprawled out on the floor of your empty living room, waiting on your dinner. You were still in the process of furnishing your newly bought home. A bit of a perfectionist, you'd sit on the floor for months until you found exactly what you wanted. Even though your financial state was never a problem, your parents still taught you the value of a dollar, which you were thankful for. Along with your father's amazing money management skills, you were set for life at the ripe age of twenty.

A loud knock on the door brings you back to reality. You knew your ring doorbell wasn't set up yet, so not being able to see who was knocking on your door made you feel uneasy, until you remembered your Chinese take-out. Not caring that the delivery man was going to see you in your superman pajama pants and a cropped tank top, you make your way over to the door, slinging it open. You don't make eye contact with him, instead you reach for your purse, fishing for cash again. Once you pull out a twenty-dollar bill and hand it to him, your eyes finally meet.

What a fine delivery man.

"I already paid for it," he croaks out, his voice getting stuck in his throat for a second. A confused look makes its way across your face as you and the strange delivery man, who apparently pays for people's food, look each other up and down. He clears his throat, "it got delivered to my house. Delivery guy seemed like he was in a rush,” he states, letting his eyes wonder around to the atrocious setting behind you.

“Oh shit, here,” you tell him shoving the twenty-dollar bill towards him, “thank you,” with one hand on the door, ready to grab your food, and close the door in his face. You didn’t care how handsome he was. You wanted to be by yourself, and also save yourself the embarrassment of your cute neighbor seeing you this rough looking. Spiderman pajama, c'mon.

“I was actually gonna eat it,” you watch as his face twists in amusement, “kidding. I’m Matt,” he introduces himself and holds out the brown paper bag your food is in.

“Y/n,” you tell him before taking the bag. Thankfully, it looked untouched. You didn’t know what it was but there was definitely something about this strange, adorable man, joking with you like he knew you already. It brought comfort to your night.

“I like that,” he shoots out, almost like word vomit. Before you can say anything, a cringe-like look spreads across his face, “I mean, it suits you.”

“Thanks,” you let out a giggle. A sudden wave of silence takes over both you, so you awkwardly come up with something to say, “I just moved in.”

“Yeah?” He asks, but it was obvious he already figured that part out. Considering that fact his eyes kept drifting to the empty living room behind you. Matt lets his eyes drift once again, but they finally fall on yours, locking you in. The two of you stay stuck in a trance for a moment, not saying a word.

A blush creeps up, heating your cheeks up a dark shade of red. You let your eyes fall to the floor and back up at him, only to see that his face matches yours. You clear your throat, “come in?” It’s a suggestion, but it comes out as a question.

Matt sucks in a sharp breath, nodding, as you step aside to let him walk in. You turn around and make your way to the kitchen, knowing the only furniture you have is the barstools, your bed, and a couple miscellaneous items. Setting the brown paper bag on the island, “sorry for the mess. It’s been a long day,” taking out two plates out of a box nearby. The only thing you had the energy to unpack earlier was your silverware drawer, so you open it and fetch two forks. Spinning around, and making you way to Matt, little did you know he was already watching your every move.

“I don’t have my furniture yet so we’re eating in here like real adults,” you joke, trying to break the ice. You quickly open the takeout containers of chicken lo mien and general tso’s chicken.

“I was just kidding,” he tells you, eyeballing the food like a starved man. “You eat,” he looks up at you. Those blue eyes had you drawn to him for some odd reason.

“Well, that’s the only reason I invited you in. You said you’re hungry, now eat,” you playfully order. He starts to say something, but his mind decides against it. He gives you a warm smile and nods, “thanks.”

“Any time,” you return the warm smile and take a seat next to him. “One minute,” you hold up a finger at him before running to the living room to retrieve your laptop.

Taking your spot next to Matt and setting your laptop in front of you. Big Mouth plays on the screen, but you don’t bother to change it. Probably the worst decision you made all night because the show was extremely perverted. You and your new neighbor sit in a comfortable silence while the tv show plays in the background.

“So,” he stretches out, “you’re from Boston?”

You shake your head, making sure to swallow your food before speaking, “well, yeah. I was born here but I’ve lived in Seattle since I was 12.”

“What made you move back?” The tone in his voice made you wonder if he was being genuine or just nosey. It was melancholy, that’s the best way to describe it. Like something was missing in his life, like he didn’t have anything to live for.

Taking a deep breath, you had to brace yourself every time he spoke. You didn’t know what it was or why it was happening, but Matt had a certain vibe to him, a vibe that you couldn’t quite pinpoint. All you knew is that you needed to figure out.

“It’s the city of love,” the words rolling off your tongue before you even realize you said them aloud. Matt looks at you for a moment, like he’s trying to read you. You match his energy, staring him down like he was doing to you, making Matt blinks a few times, attempting to look away but his mind won’t let hm.

“You really want to get your tongue underneath hers, too. Yeah, you want to get in there like a Claritin to just dissolve,” one the characters from Big Mouth sounds thru the kitchen, a bit too loud. Matt’s head snaps towards to screen, his face heats up dark red as he looks from the screen to you, basically snitching on himself.

For the millionth time tonight, your face matches his - red and flustered.

You and Matt chat for a while, making small talk about the love you both shared for Boston. He vowed to take you out to get more familiar with the city since you hadn't visited in years. Small talk turned into an hour's long conversations about everything under the sun, moon, and stars. You felt like you were catching up with somebody you had known for years. Eventually, Matt's eyes fall to his phone. 10:53 pm. He watches as you yawn, your elbow still propped on the table, and your head resting on it lightly. Big Mouth still plays across your computer screen, the perverted animation wasn't such a bad thing, you had forgot it was even playing. Matt gets up, taking your dishes over to the sink to rinse them off. The small act of kindness impresses you, taking him for the gentleman he truly is.

“Thanks for hanging out with me. I don’t know a lot of people here,” you tell him. In the beginning of the night, you wanted to stay in your solitude. It was an overwhelming day for you, and you weren’t expecting company. When Matt showed up at your door, you had no intentions of eating dinner with him, but you’re glad you did. His company gave you some type of comfort. Even though there wasn’t a lot said between you two, besides random chit-chat, you were grateful he interrupted your night.

Matt leans against the counter, “thanks for having me. I’m right next door so if you ever want to hang out,” he trails on, indicating he had a good night too.

“It’s the least I can do,” you tell him, “especially since you paid for it. Thanks again, by the way.” You weren’t used to having anyone, except your dad, pay for things. Even when you were with your ex, it was a routine you always paid for everything. It didn’t matter if it was dinner and a movie or something more expensive. Hell, you even got his car out of impound before, and that was easily seven hundred dollars. It all went unnoticed with him.

“Well, I seen you moving in earlier. I wanted to come over, but I didn’t want to be a bother,” he tells you, honesty lace through his voice. You walk over to him, leaning your body against the opposite counter. Superman pajamas pants and your cropped tank, you fold your arms over your chest to cover yourself from exposure. Not having a bra on made matters very noticeable.

Matt’s eyes trail over your body, taking in every inch of you. “So, you just wanted a reason to talk me?” your whisper-like tone sends chills down his spine, peppering his arms in goosebumps. He clears his throats and nods. A flirtatious smirk pulls at your lips, “I’m glad you did.”

“Yeah, me too,” the mood becomes softer, and he searches your face with his eyes.

Courage sparks through your core, and you decide to test the waters, “you want to kiss me, don’t you?”

Your questions take him by surprise, and you watch as Matt fixes his posture, fiddling with the sleeve of his jacket. He makes sure to keep his eyes locked on yours, “only if you want me to.”

You press your lips together, “do you think I do?” Being a tease was one of your many talents, you were best at it.

Matt’s eyebrows furrow together, and he thinks for a split second. “Y-yea, I think so,” he stutters over his words. It obvious you have a certain effect on him that makes him nervous. Or maybe it was the moment.

“Then what are you waiting for?”

That’s all you have to ask him before his hands shoot out, finding your waist, and pulling you towards him. Your face is inches away from his, and he leans in for a quick, yet hesitant, kiss. It only lasts a split second before Matt pulls away. His soft lips made you want more, so you smash your lips into his, a little rougher than anticipated. Matt snakes a hand around your waist, and the other travels up to cup for cheek.

Your lips move against his like two waves that had been separated for a lifetime. You make a fist of his shirt, trying to pull him in closer to you. This was the closest you had been to someone romantically since your ex. The kiss was something you had never experienced before, being with your ex for so long made the spark die out. You hadn’t been kissed like this in years and you were loving every minute of it, but you knew it had to end soon. You were running out of breath and trying to breathe through your nose with his face so close to yours was sucking it right out of you.

Matt is the one to break the heated kiss, finally pulling to look at you. “Woah," he's absolutely flustered, and you loved to see it.

[clockwayswrites]

Like Betta Fish Do - Part 29

WC 2500, Masterpost

A Press of the Button:

An Exclusive Interview with Jason Wayne and Danny Nightingale Following the Infamous New Years Eve Choice

By Clark Kent

“I’m going to throw up.”

I’m sure that I wasn’t supposed to overhear that; it’s not exactly an auspicious start to an interview. Here inside of Wayne Manor’s stately halls the noise of the crowd of press outside of the gate has fallen away and the words from the other side of the door are clear. The voice isn’t one that I recognize, so I place it as the young man at the center of the event: Daniel Nightingale.

“Danny, please, I’ve never liked Daniel,” he’ll introduce himself to me once I’m inside the sitting room. Jason Todd is at his boyfriend’s side, looming like an avenging angel. Or, since we’re in Gotham, a very large bat.

When I was assigned the interview, I hadn’t been sure where it would be held. As readers may know, Jason Todd hasn’t lived at the Manor since his miraculous return from the dead. There were, as he said, too many memories in the Manor for him to return. At the time he had still been struggling to overcome the unfortunate amnesia that he had suffered during his brutal abduction as a teenager.

Whatever trauma is still lingering, it’s clear that both young men are taking comfort being in the manor. The proverbial wagons have been circled inside of the family home. Even cleaned up the sitting room shows signs of a rotation cast of family keeping the pair company: a plethora of blankets, stacked board games, feel-good food, and, of all things, a plush trilobite.

As we take our seats, Danny leans unconsciously into Jason’s space like a flower to the sun. His nerves are clear in the way that his fingers fidget restlessly with the edge of his sleeves. The red sweater is far too large for him and hangs off of one thin shoulder. I have to guess that it’s Jason’s sweater and worn today for comfort. I doubt anyone could blame Danny seeking comfort wherever he can find it.

Less than a week ago Danny was abducted from the Wayne’s New Years Eve party by a Gotham villain known as Two Face. The villain came into being after Harvey Dent, a district attorney in Gotham, was traumatically exposed to a toxic chemical. (More about Two Face can be read in the article ‘A Flip of a Coin’.) Danny had been taken off site while a handful of party goers were strapped to an explosive device.

Presented with the horrifying choice between his boyfriend or his father and youngest brother, Jason had pressed the red button connected to Danny’s trap.

Danny Nightingale had been electrocuted to death.

And survived.

It’s the perfect sort of awful story to capture the attention of the public and press alike, and it’s the reason that I’m at Wayne Manor now.

Hoping to make Danny feel more settled, I start off with some pleasantries before going in with a soft question. How is he doing with all the attention that the event has been getting? It must be overwhelming.

Danny glances towards the front of the house where outside lies the front yard, the protective gate, and the press. “It is. I feel like I’m still getting used to living in a city as big as Gotham, so all of this suddenly… yeah, it’s a lot.”

Danny grew up in a much smaller city in central Illinois called Amity Park. He moved to Gotham in the late summer of last year to continue his education at Gotham University. It’s a change that he describes as good, even as overwhelming as it is.

“Gotham has been surprisingly easy to fall in love with. I can see why Gothamites are so protective of the city,” Danny explains with the first hint of a smile on his face that I’ve seen since I came through the doors.

When I ask him if he hopes to stay in Gotham long term, Danny glances at Jason and blushes faintly. “I’d like to, if I can find work. There’s a lot here worth staying for and the city is just part of that.”

The words cause the first blush I’ve seen on Jason’s cheeks since he was new to the Wayne family and a little overwhelmed himself. Clearly Jason is one of the things worth staying for.

We talk a little about how Danny likes the Wayne family. He admits that he’s still getting to know them. He’d only been introduced to most of the family at the end of last year, right before finals. Already, though, there are stories to be told about board games and good food. Beyond the Waynes, Danny has someone else very important in Gotham.

“Your sister is in town, isn’t she?” I ask. “I imagine having her here during this has been nice.”

“It is. I was actually supposed to go and see her after New Years, but obviously…” Danny clears his throat and Jason takes one of Danny’s hands in his. Danny instantly relaxes into Jason’s side. “But yeah, having her here is really nice.”

“I take it you two are close then?”

“She was my anchor growing up,” Danny says with a little smile that’s tinged with sadness. “I wish she hadn’t had to be. Now that I’m older I know how unfair that was to her, but I’m so lucky that she did. She could so easily resent me for it, but she doesn’t at all. It makes it really easy to love her.”

“Not that it’s hard,” Jason adds with a chuckle. “I think her and Dick have already made an oldest sibling club and Damian thinks both Nightingales hung the moon, I swear.”

“Speaking of Nightingale, that isn’t your original last name, is it?”

It’s been an item of note in the recent write ups on Danny that both of the siblings had changed their last name to Nightingale from their birth name of Fenton. Their parents, doctors both, still go by Fenton. In Gotham, at least, the Doctor Fentons would be described as mad scientists. The so-called ‘ectobiologists’ have made their life a study of ghosts. In Amity Park, ‘the most haunted town in America’, they’re just part of the atmosphere.

Danny sighs and glances away. “No. Jazz and I both changed our last names when we turned eighteen. Jazz had wanted me to change it and go with her when she turned eighteen, but she had this great scholarship for college and she’d taken care of me enough. I couldn’t put that on her too, so I refused to until I was eighteen.”

“So you didn’t actually emancipate yourself?”

“Nope. One day late for that. But I moved out the same day I changed my name.”

“How did your parents take that?”

A wry smile twists Danny’s lips. “They didn’t notice until months later when the lab had gotten too dirty.”

“The lab?”

“It was one of my chores to clean it; another thing that I get was messed up now that I’m older and away from there. We, um, think that it was my exposure to all those chemicals that made me a meta.”

By all accounts, Danny’s meta status is how he survived the electrocution. It’s a label that he looks slightly uncomfortable with.

“It’s not that I mind being a meta,” he’s quick to assure me. “It’s just that… what actually made me one was an accident in the lab. I was electrocuted.” He raises his left arm up. The overly large red sleeve pools down to reveal a branching network of faint silver scars tracing his skin. “It’s hard right now to think back to it, after what happened. I really didn’t know if I would survive… either time. I’m lucky that all I have are scars.”

“But you thought that you might survive.”

“I did,” Danny says with a little shrug. He seems almost at ease with that question, unlike Jason.

Jason has to take a moment to press a kiss to Danny’s temple.

“After the first time I was electrocuted,” Danny explains, “I became a little more resistant to electricity— little shocks and things. It’s not like I ever tested it out with anything big. I guess it was just a feeling I had.”

When I ask Danny if he’s alright to talk about the night of the party he looks stressed by the idea but still gives a little nod. As he points out, it is why I’m there.

“I was getting some fresh air,” Danny explains. He’s picking at the sweater again. “The night was really lovely, but it’s just not the sort of thing I’m used to, you know? So I just wanted a moment to gather myself. I guess… I guess they were already watching me, because they knocked me out before I even really knew they were there.

“I woke up strapped to a metal chair. They’d taken my shoes and socks off. I couldn't understand why, but then,” Danny has to pause here and take a moment. Jason pulls him closer. “Then I noticed that my feet were in water and there was a wire in the water too. The wire wasn’t live but it’s… I mean it wasn’t hard to put it all together.”

“That must have been terrifying.”

“Yeah.” Danny looks over at the windows and the gray winter day beyond them. “I didn’t know who had taken me or why. I could hear some people close, talking about waiting for a signal, but it wasn’t much. When my eyes adjusted I could see a camera on a tripod and a laptop. I didn’t know what was going on, not until it turned on.

“Two Face was on it. I guess you know I’m not a native Gothamite that it took me a moment to recognize him,” Danny said with a weak laugh. “He explained what he was doing.”

I ask Danny what his first thought was when hearing the plan.

“Worry for Jason. Which I know sounds insane, but I guess… I guess I had already accepted the circumstance I was in. I just didn’t want Jason to have to go through that choice.”

“And then Jason was on the screen.”

“Yeah.”

“Jason, what were you feeling at seeing Danny on the television?”

“What do you think?” Jason asks, frustration lacing through his voice. “I was pissed off. I was scared. I was… I hated myself.”

“Why?”

“Because Danny was only in that situation because he was dating a Wayne. Because he was dating me. And there he was, a few seconds from death, bleeding, and… and telling me that he loved me.”

While Danny sounds almost detached talking about it, possibly a coping mechanism, Jason sounds like every wound is still fresh. It paints a terrifying picture of what it’s like to be the one to die versus the one who presses the button.

I turn back to Danny. “You said something to Jason in the video after that. There's been a great deal of debate about your words. Do you feel alright discussing them.”

Danny nods. I read out the quote: You know what you have to do, don’t you?

“Danny, what did you mean?”

“That Jason had to press my button,” Danny says with surprising ease. It’s clear that the order was one that he still stands by.

I ask about that certainty.

Danny gives a little shrug. He tucks himself back further under Jason’s arm, but I'm certain that the move is more for Jason’s comfort. “It was me or a group of other people. That would have been enough. I would never put myself first like that, but then you add in Damian and Bruce being part of that group? I couldn’t ask Jason to choose me over his family and Jason knows I wouldn’t.”

What about the chance of survival?

“Jason and I had talked about my accident before. Death… it’s something we both get, you know? So we both knew that there could be a chance of me surviving, but there was never any guarantee.”

“Are you going on record that you told Jason to press the button, knowing it could kill you?”

“Absolutely.”

And how did that insistence make Jason feel? Right then it seems all Jason can do is curl up around Danny, as if he can shield him from the past.

“Fucking horrible. Danny just looked at the whole situation and made the choice for me. I don’t know, maybe I should think that was freeing, but I still had to press the button.”

I point out that he could have made the other choice and he just shakes his head. “And make Danny live with that? He had made his choice. He didn’t want to trade his life for theirs. I hated it, but what sort of person would I have been if I didn’t let Danny take control of his own life? I knew I wouldn’t be able to live with either choice, so at least… at least I could listen to Danny.”

So Jason had pressed the button, Danny had been electrocuted (he refused to speak on the experience), and Jason had attacked Two Face. The man had ended up with a broken jaw and fractures in the orbital rim. It was while Jason had been sobbing in his father’s arms that they had gotten the word from one of Gotham’s local heroes: Danny was still alive.

“What did I feel? Hope,” Jason said with an almost despairing laugh. “I don’t… hope and I don't do well these days, but I felt hope. I don’t know if I believed it until I was actually holding his hands.”

“I was a little out of it when they got there,” Danny admits, which seems more than fair considering everyone else would have been dead. “But I’m so grateful to Nightwing and the paramedics taking care of me and letting me see Jason before the hospital. I really… I really needed him right then.”

And now?

“I’d like to say that I’m alright, but,” Danny shrugs, “it’s a lot to go through. But I know I’ll be alright. Jason and his family are amazing and I have Jazz here. I’ll keep healing, physically and mentally, and so will Jason. I know the internet has a lot to say about it all, but I think they need to understand that this turned out the best way that it could have.”

Jason kisses Danny’s temple again with a slight smile. He seems to be in agreement with everything his boyfriend said.

“I suppose I have just one more question,” I say after a moment of looking over my notes. “Why do you call Danny ‘fish’?”

I don’t get an answer, but maybe hearing those two able to laugh so soon after such a traumatic event is better than a story.

---

AN: *flops dramatically* darlings, this chapter is finally done! Thank you to @chromatographic and @mokulule for cheer/beta reading for me. This one was really hard to write since it's out of the normal style wise for me, but it felt like the best way to tell the story right there.

I hope you enjoy it!

I no longer tag, you can subscribe at the masterpost!

[sonamytrash]

Always Been Here

Warnings: some character spoilers if you havent read the manga, fluff, angst, smut, topics of grief and death, oral sex (F and M receiving), kitchen sex, vaginal sex, creampie, dirty talk, friends to lovers, aged up characters, mentions of Choso, reader x Yuta but reader has history with Choso. Gentle Dom!Yuta x reader.

What can I say? I want reader to have their cake and eat it. I love too many of the JJK men to pick just one, so here's a fic where you and Choso were together. Yuta's always pined for you, but has been a pillar of support as you cope with loss. Feelings develop into something more, lust overrides guilt.

"Can't sleep?" Yuta's voice startled you, his question cutting through the quiet of the night. You looked up from your teacup, the steam rising like a ghostly hand, reaching for the ceiling.

You nodded, your eyes still brimming with unshed tears. "Just thinking about... things," you murmured, not quite meeting his gaze. The kitchen was dimly lit, the only light coming from the moon peeking through the window, casting a pale glow on the countertops.

Yuta approached slowly, his footsteps silent on the wooden floor. He leaned against the counter, his arms folded across his chest. "Do you want to talk about it?" he offered gently.

Guilt gnawed at you as you considered how your thoughts had been drifting towards Yuta more and more often lately. The way his eyes crinkled when he laughed, the gentle touch of his hand on your shoulder when he offered comfort. It was wrong, wasn't it? To feel this way about someone else when Choso's memory was still so fresh? Even if some years had passed.

You took a deep breath, the scent of the chamomile tea filling your nostrils. "It's just... I miss him," you said finally, your voice cracking slightly. "Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday, and other times it feels like a lifetime ago."

Yuta nodded, "I know," he said softly. "But it's okay to feel that way. Choso was a big part of your life, and he'll always be with you." he said, his voice low and understanding despite the jealousy he felt deep down. He had been there the day you lost Choso, had seen the pain etched into your features that had never quite faded.

He remembered the way you looked at each other, the silent conversations that seemed to pass between you and Choso. The way your eyes would light up when he walked into the room, the way he made you laugh.

Yuta had always been there, in the background, watching the two of you. He had been so young then, not quite understanding the depth of the feelings he harbored. But as he grew older, and as the years painted their strokes of wisdom on his heart, he realized he had been in love with you for as long as he could remember.

He had hoped, in his quiet, unassuming way, that one day you would look at him the way you looked at Choso. That the warmth of your smile would be reserved for him alone, that your laughter would echo through the halls of his soul. He knew it was selfish.

Yuta had been just a teenager when he first saw you, your beauty and grace captivating him instantly. You were a couple of years older, your eyes sparkling with a mischief that spoke of worlds he hadn't yet explored. And then Choso came along, a man who stole your heart despite the short time you knew him, and the bond between you was unmistakable. Yuta could only watch your love for another from the sidelines.

He often wondered if you had ever noticed his furtive glances, his quiet admiration. The way his heart skipped a beat every time you were in the room, how he longed to be the one to make you smile, to hold you when you were sad. But you had eyes for Choso, and the love you shared was something he knew he could never replicate. And as much as it hurt him, he had learned to accept it.

Now, standing in the kitchen with you, he felt the weight of the years, of the unspoken love and loss. "You know," he began, his voice tentative, "Choso was a great man. He cared for you more than anything. And I think... I think he'd want you to be happy."

You looked up at him, your eyes glistening with the reflection of the moonlight. "I know," you whispered.

Yuta nodded, his heart aching for you. He knew that the pain of losing someone never truly goes away, it just becomes a part of you, a shadow that lingers in the corner of your heart. He reached out, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. "I'm here for you," he said, the words simple but filled with a depth of emotion that resonated in the quiet room.

"You should goto bed." He says softly. For a moment, you just stood there, sipping your tea and letting the warmth of his touch seep into your skin. It was comforting, like a blanket on a cold winter's night. Then, with a sigh, you set the cup down on the counter and met his gaze, your eyes searching his, ignoring his suggestion. "Yuta, do you ever wish things could have been different?"

He paused, his hand still on your shoulder, the warmth of his touch a stark contrast to the coolness of the night. "What do you mean?" he asked, his voice even softer than before.

You took a deep breath, your heart racing. "I mean... us. Do you ever wish that you and I... that we could have been more than just friends?" The words hung in the air, delicate and fragile.

He took a step closer, his hand sliding down to gently cup your cheek. "I used to wish," he began, his voice thick with emotion, "that I could have been the one to make you happy from the start."

You felt a jolt of surprise, your heart fluttering like a trapped bird. "Yuta," you breathed, his name barely audible.

He stepped closer, his thumb brushing away a tear that had escaped the corner of your eye. "But recently I've wondered," he continued, his voice barely above a whisper, "if maybe, just maybe, the universe had a different plan for us."

You searched his eyes, the blue pools reflecting the turmoil of his soul. The realization hit you like a ton of bricks—Yuta had been in love with you all along. It was in the way he had always been there, the way he had taken care of you, the way he had stepped up when Choso was gone. It was in the way he looked at you now, with a love so deep and profound that it took your breath away.

"What are you saying?" you managed to ask, your voice shaky.

Yuta took a deep breath, his eyes never leaving yours. "I'm saying that maybe it's time for us to explore what could be," he said, his voice firm but gentle. "Choso is gone, and no one can ever replace him. But I'm here, I've always been here."

You felt a swirl of emotions, torn between the loyalty to Choso's memory and the newfound hope that maybe, just maybe, you could find happiness again. Yuta's touch was comforting, familiar, yet thrillingly different. He had been your rock, your confidant, your pillar of strength when you had felt like crumbling to the ground. And now, as his thumb traced the curve of your cheek, you felt something else, something that made your heart race and your stomach flutter.

He leaned in, closing the space between you, and for a moment, the world around you faded away. The only thing that existed was the two of you, the warmth of his hand, and the closeness of his body. You could feel his breath on your face, see the earnestness in his eyes.

Your breath hitched as he leaned in, his eyes never leaving yours. Then, as if pulled by an invisible string, your lips met his. It was soft, tentative at first, but as you felt the warmth of his mouth, the kiss grew deeper, more insistent.

Yuta's arms wrapped around you, pulling you closer as if he could absorb your very essence. His kiss was a promise, a gentle reminder that he had been waiting for you, that he would always be there to catch you when you fell. You melted into his embrace, your body responding to his touch in a way that was both new and strangely familiar.

The kiss grew more urgent as the seconds ticked by, the ache in your heart slowly morphing into a different kind of longing. You felt alive again, a spark igniting within you that had been buried under the weight of your grief. Your arms snaked around his neck, pulling him closer.

You tasted the sweetness of his lips, a flavour that was uniquely his, and it sent a shiver down your spine. His other hands found their way to your waist, his thumb tracing small circles that made you want to lean into him even more.

The intensity grew, the line between comfort and desire blurring with every passing moment. Your own hands roamed down to his chest, feeling the taut muscles beneath his shirt, the heat of his skin.

Your breath grew ragged, your body responding instinctively to his touch as you felt the wetness inbetween your legs.

With a gentle yet firm pressure, he pinned you to the counter, his body pressing against yours, leaving no room for doubt. His kiss grew more demanding, his tongue exploring the depths of your mouth as if he were trying to claim you as his own. You gasped, your hands clutching at his shirt, holding him to you as if you were afraid he might vanish like a mirage in the desert heat.

The countertop dug into your back, but you barely noticed, lost in the sensation of his hands roaming your body, reawakening feelings that had lain dormant for so long. His grip tightened on your hip, his thumb brushing against the sensitive skin just above your waistband, sending a jolt of pleasure through your core. You arched into him, the warmth of his palm a brand against your skin.

Yuta groaned into your mouth, the sound vibrating through your chest and straight to your core. His hand slid up your top, cupping your breast, his thumb circling your nipple until it was a hard peak beneath his touch. You gasped, breaking the kiss to catch your breath, and he took the opportunity to whisper in your ear, his voice thick with need. "You're so beautiful," he murmured, his breath hot against your skin. "Do you have any idea how much I've wanted this?"

You leaned into him, your voice a sultry whisper. "Tell me," you demanded, your eyes dark with desire. "Tell me all the dirty little things you've thought about doing to me."

Yuta's eyes smouldered as he took a step closer, his hand sliding down to palm your ass, pulling you against him. "I've imagined peeling off your clothes," he murmured, as your top is swiftly discarded leaving your breasts exposed to the cool air, his breath hot against your neck, "and exploring every inch of your body with my mouth."

You moaned, his words sending a wave of heat through you. "Tell me more," you breathed, your hand sliding down to grip his hardened cock through his pants.

"I've thought about fucking you," he said bluntly, his voice low and needy. "Bending you over this very counter and filling you up until you scream my name."

Your cheeks flushed, the words sending a delicious thrill through your body. You'd never heard Yuta talk like this before, and it was a stark contrast to the gentle, almost shy young man you knew. "And what else?" you prompted, your voice a seductive purr.

He leaned in, his teeth grazing your earlobe. "I've thought about you on your knees," he whispered, his voice hoarse with desire, "your mouth around my cock."

You shivered, the thought of his hardness in your mouth making your pussy clench with anticipation. Your hand began to move rhythmically against him, feeling his cock throb in response.

Yuta's hand slid down to the hem of your shorts, his fingertips grazing the bare skin of your thigh before dipping under the fabric. You gasped as his fingers found you wet, slipping easily through your folds. His eyes locked onto yours, searching for permission. You nodded, your own hand moving to the button of his pants, your desire matching his.

He pulled back just enough to let you unbutton and unzip him, his cock springing free, thick and hard. You took it in your hand, feeling the heat of him. He groaned, his eyes rolling back in his head as you began to stroke him, your hand moving in slow, measured motions.

Yuta's hand was still between your legs, his fingers dancing over your clit before sliding down to slip inside you. You gasped, your hips jerking forward to meet his touch. His fingers moved in a way that was both familiar and new, sending waves of pleasure through your body. You could feel your arousal coating his hand, making his movements slick and easy.

You stroked him in return, marveling at the feel of his velvety skin, the way his cock throbbed in your hand.

He kissed you again, deeper this time, as his fingers curled inside you, finding that spot that made you moan. The sound filled the room, echoing off the walls, mixing with the sound of your ragged breaths.

Yuta's thumb found your clit, pressing down in firm, slow circles that had you bucking against his hand. The sensation was almost too much to bear, the pleasure building like a crescendo in your core. You tightened your grip on his cock, stroking him faster, feeling him swell in your hand.

You could feel your orgasm approaching, the tension coiling in your stomach like a spring ready to snap. Yuta's eyes searched yours, reading the signs, and with a growl, he lifted you onto the counter, spreading your legs wide. His hand never left your pussy, his fingers pumping in and out of you with a steadfast rhythm that had you teetering on the edge.

He kissed you again, stifling your moans, his tongue mimicking the movements of his hand, and you could feel your climax building, a wave ready to crash. "I'm going to make you cum," he murmured against your lips, and you could only nod, your eyes half-lidded with desire.

Yuta's hand worked faster, his thumb pressing harder, and with a strangled cry, you shattered, your body convulsing around his hand. He didn't stop, though, his touch gentle yet firm, riding out the waves of your pleasure until you were limp and panting in his arms.

You looked up at him, your eyes hazy with lust and vulnerability. He leaned in, kissing you softly, a gentle reminder that this was just the beginning. He slid his fingers out of you, bringing them to his mouth and licking them clean, savouring the taste of you.

With a groan, Yuta stepped back, his eyes never leaving yours as he tugged off his shirt, revealing the sculpted planes of his chest and abs. The moonlight cast shadows across his body, highlighting the strength and power he had honed over the years. You couldn't help but stare, your body still humming with the aftershocks of your climax.

But as he reached for you again, you placed a hand on his chest, halting him. "No," you murmured, your voice still thick with need. "Let me."

You slid off the counter and dropped to your knees before him. Yuta's eyes widened in surprise and arousal as you took his cock in your hand again, stroking it with a newfound confidence.

You leaned in, your hair cascading around your face like a veil, and took him into your mouth. Your tongue swirled around the head, tasting the saltiness of his precum. He groaned, his hands gripping the edge of the counter for support as you took him deeper, the muscles in your cheeks hollowing with the effort.

The room was filled with the sounds of your wet, hungry sucks and his muffled moans of pleasure. Yuta's eyes rolled back in his head, his body trembling with the sensation of your mouth around him. He had fantasized about this moment for so long, but the reality was so much more intense than anything he could have imagined.

Your hand stroked his shaft in time with your mouth, your tongue swirling around the tip, teasing the slit before taking him deep again. His cock was hot and hard in your mouth, and you could feel his pulse through it.

Yuta's hands found their way into your hair, guiding you but not forcing. He was careful, respectful, even in his passion. You could feel the tension building in him, his breaths coming in harsh gasps. You knew he was close, and the thought of making him cum like this, of being the one to give him such pleasure, had your own arousal spiking again.

Your hand wrapped around the base of his cock, stroking in time with your mouth. You could feel him swell even more, his hips beginning to thrust slightly, matching the rhythm of your hand and mouth. You took him deeper, the head of his cock hitting the back of your throat, and he let out a strangled groan.

Yuta's hands tightened in your hair, his eyes never leaving yours, watching the way your eyes watered slightly with the effort. His breath grew ragged, his abs tensing with every stroke of your tongue.

"You're going to make me cum." He groaned.

You hummed in response, the vibration of your voice sending a shiver down his spine. You felt empowered, in control of his pleasure, and it was intoxicating. You quickened your pace, your cheeks hollowing as you took him deeper, the muscles in your throat working to accommodate his size.

Yuta's hips jerked forward slightly, his control slipping as the pressure grew. "I'm going to... fuck," he stuttered, his eyes squeezing shut as he tried to hold back. But you didn't relent, your mouth working him, eager to taste his load.

With a final, desperate groan, he let go, his cock pulsing in your mouth as he came, filling it with his warm, salty essence. You swallowed, the taste of him both foreign and intoxicating. He gripped the counter tightly, his body shaking with the force of his orgasm, his breaths coming in harsh pants.

You pulled back, licking hom clean before wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, a satisfied smile playing on your lips.

Yuta's eyes meet yours with a look of pure amazement as he breathes your name, his voice shaky with aftershocks of pleasure.

You stood up, placing a gentle hand on his cheek, your own heart racing from the intensity of the moment. "Let's go to bed," you murmured, your voice a sultry whisper.

But Yuta was beyond the point of patience. "No," he said, his voice thick with need. "I can't wait that long." Before you could react, he lifted you with surprising strength, setting you back on the countertop with a gentle thud. You gasped, your hands bracing against the cold marble.

With a hunger that was palpable in the air, he hooked his thumbs into the waistband of your shorts, pulling them down your legs. Your heart raced as the cool air kissed your wet pussy, making your clit throb with anticipation. He stepped closer, his eyes never leaving yours as he discarded your shorts on the floor, leaving you bare and exposed.

Yuta's gaze was intense, his desire for you written in every line of his body. He spread your legs wider, his eyes dropping to the juncture of your thighs. You could see his chest heaving, his muscles tight with the effort of holding back. "You're so wet," he murmured, his voice filled with awe.

Without another word, he lowered his head, his tongue darting out to trace the slit of your pussy. You gasped, your legs trembling, as he tasted you properly. His touch was gentle, exploratory, as if he was worshipping a deity he had longed for but never dared to approach. You felt your body respond, your clit swelling with need as he licked and kissed your folds.

Yuta's hands gripped your thighs, holding you in place as he feasted on you, his tongue delving deep, stroking your inner walls, before returning to your clit to flick and tease it mercilessly. You could feel the beginnings of another orgasm building, your breath coming in ragged gasps. It had been so long, the sensation was exquisite, his mouth on your most sensitive parts setting your nerves alight.

As his tongue danced against your clit, his fingers slid back inside you, filling you up, stretching you out. You moaned, the sound echoing through the kitchen, your body arching off the counter. He was relentless, his mouth working in tandem with his hand, pushing you closer and closer to the edge.

The sensations grew more intense, each stroke of his tongue sending a bolt of pleasure through you. You could feel your orgasm building, a coil of heat in your lower belly, tightening with every flick of his tongue. "Yuta," you gasped, your voice a desperate plea.

He looked up at you, his eyes dark with need. "Cum for me again, please" he murmured, his voice thick with desire. "Let me hear you."

You nodded, unable to form words as the pressure grew. His tongue swirled around your clit, his fingers curling inside you, and you felt your body tense, poised on the edge of something incredible. The orgasm crashed over you, your pussy clenching around his fingers, your juices coating his mouth. He drank you in, groaning with pleasure as he felt you shudder beneath his touch.

Yuta pulled back once your orgasm ebbed away, his chin glistening with your arousal, his eyes never leaving yours. You watched as he stood, his cock once again fully erect, a testament to his insatiable desire for you.

"Fuck, you taste so good," he murmured, his voice low and guttural.

Your eyes widened as he spoke, the dirty words a stark contrast to his usually gentle demeanor. "Y-Yuta," you stuttered, your body still pulsing with the aftershocks of your orgasm.

He stepped closer, his erection nudging against your thigh. "I want to be inside you," he said, his voice gruff with need. "I want to feel you around my cock."

Your cheeks flushed with desire, your body more than ready for what he offered. Yuta positioned himself between your legs, the tip of his cock teasing your entrance. He leaned in, his mouth capturing yours in a fierce kiss as he pushed inside you.

You gasped, the feeling of him filling you up, stretching you, was overwhelming. It had been so long since you felt this connection with someone, and the way he claimed you was both terrifying and exhilarating. His movements were slow and deliberate at first, giving you time to adjust to his size.

You wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him closer, urging him deeper. He groaned into your mouth, the sound vibrating through your chest. His hands gripped your hips, his movements growing more urgent as he found his rhythm.

You could feel every inch of him, the way he filled you so completely, the way his cock slid in and out of you with a slickness that spoke of your shared desire. Your body responded, your pussy clenching around him, urging him on.

"Fuck me harder, don't hold back." you breathed into his ear, the words coming out as a desperate plea. Yuta almost whimpered as his grip tightened on your hips, his strokes becoming more forceful, more demanding. You met him thrust for thrust, your body moving in perfect sync with his, the rhythm of your fucking a symphony of need and want.

He growled, the sound animalistic and raw, as he drove into you, his hips slamming against your ass. "You're so tight," he groaned, his voice thick with lust. "So wet for me."

You couldn't help the mewl that escaped your lips as he bottomed out, his cock hitting that spot deep inside you that sent sparks of pleasure shooting through your body.

"Fuck, Yuta," you gasped, your voice breathless. "You feel so good."

"Yeah?" he groaned, his hips pistoning into you with a ferocity that made the countertop shake. "You like that? You take my cock so well, I always knew you would." He replies breathlessly.

You threw your head back, what a filthy young man, the pleasure of his thick cock filling you completely washing over you in waves. Your nails dug into his back, leaving little half-moons of pain that only served to heighten the sensations coursing through your body.

Yuta's breath was hot and heavy against your neck, his teeth nipping at the sensitive skin there. Your breasts bounced with every thrust, your nipples tight and aching for attention. You reached up, cupping them in your hands, pinching and rolling them until the sensation became too much. "Yutaa," you moaned again, your voice strained with pleasure.

He pulled back, breaking the kiss, and took one of your nipples into his mouth, sucking hard. You arched off the counter, the dual sensation of his teeth and tongue on your sensitive flesh sending bolts of pleasure straight to your core. His hand slipped down to your clit, his thumb rubbing it in circles as he continued to fuck you with a relentless rhythm.

The pressure grew again, your body tightening around him as you approached climax. You could feel his strokes becoming erratic as he chased his own release. "I'm going to cum," you panted, your voice barely recognizable.

Yuta's eyes met yours, a wild hunger in their depths. "Cum with me," he growled, his thumb pressing down on your clit with a firmness that made your toes curl.

The tension grew unbearable, the room spinning as your orgasm approached. Your pussy spasmed around his cock, your body desperate for release. And then it hit you, a wave of pleasure so intense it stole your breath. You screamed his name, your body shaking with the force of it, your pussy clenching down on him as you came hard.

Yuta watched you with hooded eyes, his own pleasure mirrored in the tightening of his jaw and the flex of his muscles. He felt your warmth spurt around his cock, your walls pulsing in a way that was almost painfully good.

With a final, powerful thrust, he gave in to his own climax, burying himself to the hilt and releasing his seed deep inside you. The warmth of his cum filled you, mixing with your own juices and making you feel complete in a way you hadn't in years.

He held you there, his cock still pulsing, his body shaking with the aftershocks of his orgasm. You wrapped your arms around his neck, holding on tight as the world swam back into focus.

Yuta leaned in, kissing you softly, the taste of your passion still lingering on his lips. "Are you okay?" he murmured, his voice filled with concern.

You nodded, a content smile playing on your lips. "More than okay," you whispered, your eyes still glazed with the intensity of the moment.

He pulled out of you slowly, the feeling of his cock leaving your body making you whimper. He set you down gently, his arms still around you, keeping you steady. You could feel his cum dripping down your thighs, a physical reminder of the passion you had just shared.

Yuta took a step back, his chest heaving with exertion. He reached for his shirt, using it to wipe the sweat from his brow. You watched him, feeling a strange mix of emotions. It had been years since you had felt this alive, this desired.

"We should go to bed," you murmured. He raises an eyebrow, "We?" He asks with a playful smile. You roll your eyes.

"Yes, 'we' as in us."

[seirei-bh]

Jason Mendal's facade. Deep analysis about him: his past, traumas, ideologies and subsequent development -Theories

I'm going to try to do a deep analysis here about why Jason is the way he is and how he became the person he is now. At least the little info que got about him until ep 5. Before start to read, you have to keep in mind that although there is some canonical data here, there is also a lot of speculation on my part, so these theories may be refuted in future episodes.

I am going to talk here about all the possible reasons for how his behaviour is today, applied to his business, as well as to his relationships of rivalry, friendship and romance. About his ideas, mentality, his heart, and everything related to the little we know about his childhood, personality and way of behaving. It will be a long analysis with many points to discuss.

Backstory and possible traumas

To begin with, another theory about Jason that I have after ep 5 that I'm going to add to my huge list of theories about him (you can read them in some of my previous posts, like this one and others in my Jason's headcanons post) is that, regarding the big number of brief romantic partners he had, and why he doesn't want to have a long and stable romantic relationship with anyone, I think one of the reasons to that fear may also be related to the death of his father and with his own actual “perfect” life in general.

First, I mean the fact that his father died when he was a teenager has made me think that perhaps Jason's emotional situation could be similar to Anthony from Bridgerton series, who after losing his father and seeing how much his mother suffered from that loss, that created a trauma that made him never want to fall in love for fear of losing someone else whom he loves again and suffering for it.

Perhaps his mother had depression after the death of her husband, maybe because of this she neglected her son or even lost her job, so they even had financial problems, and Jason having to deal with tons of responsibilities since he was too young. That also made Jason become a person more focused on getting money and power at any price and as quickly as possible.

We do not know how his father died, it is most likely that it was due to a car accident or some serious illness. About Jason and his mother, I wonder if maybe they never got along, or if their relationship deteriorated after his father died. But regardless of that, the death of one of your parents in your teenage years is something that can affect you greatly. This makes me think about what kind of situation Jason would live in high school, I’ve the feeling that he wasn't very popular, or at least not at first, and that he was one of those people who go from being one of those who suffered bullying to those who end up bullying others as a wrong way to show that he could be stronger and thus create some popularity with which he would stop feeling alone and unprotected. I bet his "charming personality" started to come through here, and the death of his father had a lot to do with it. Being a person who did everything possible to try to fit in, even if he had to destroy others to do so.

I also wrote a long time ago in another post that it is possible that other children made fun of Jason at school for having white locks, and that he perhaps dyed his hair all brown for a long time, and that perhaps his poliosis was also a consequence of Waardenburg syndrome, which can have other consequences. Which would only add more insecurities to that little Jason and cause him to accumulate more resentment.

He saw all those popular boys at high school who were very confident guys, seemingly charming (even though they were really jerks), rich, dating with all the pretty girlfriends they want, and who had everything going well in their lives, while him, being a good and nerdy boy couldn't achieve anything and who felt more vulnerable than ever after losing his father, so he told himself that to succeed and be stronger that was the law of the jungle that prevailed and that he had to be not only like them, but better, imitating them and also later going further than them in life, whatever was the price to pay. Succeeding the unpleasant way.

To add here something more: Chinomiko said originally when New Gen was still in the previous High School ideas, Jason was a character like a “stupid comical villain”, so at least we can imagine he ended been being a jerk in his teenage years for sure. Probably the typical pathetic bully who likes to bother others, but since his character had the best glow up I also guess that now he's more complex than before too.

And all this will also manifest itself in being obsessed with the ideal of perfection and in projecting an image of himself of absolute self-confidence. Which would also make him start faking a perfect image not only at high school, later at work, but among his “friends” and with his romantic partners, so it would be exhausting for him and would end getting bored of them and don’t make him feel happy. But by the other hand, he’s afraid that a woman could find out his true self and be disappointed, so he prefers to hide his insecurity and prevent them from seeing them, ending the relationship as soon as possible.

It could also be possible that Jason's father, before he died, was a very humble and good man who had high expectations for his son and convinced him that he had to reach very high levels professionally, either because he positively supported this and had great dreams and hopes for the future of his son so he could have the better chances in life he couldn't achieve, maybe even his father was the one who had the dream about “Goldreamz” and had the desire to start his own company one day, OR on the contrary, because he was a cold man who put a lot of pressure on him to achieve excellence, because he had no expectation that his son couldn’t achieve anything like him (I think it's more probably the first option than this second one because the second one is too similar to Nathaniel's father, but who knows). Both which also led Jason to want to achieve a high professional goal, either so that his father could have been proud of him and make their dream come true, or because he wanted to show him that he could be better than the low expectations that his father had.

Someone may think that Jason getting "daddy issues" and most of his problems being caused because of this is very cliche or simple, but we have seen that before with other Mcl characters, whether due to negligence and parental abuse (Nathaniel's parents), due to little attention and abandonment (Castiel's parents, Nina's father) or due to the death of their parents or one of the parental figures (Lysander, Armin and Alexy's biological parents, or Violette's mother), so I think it wouldn't be so strange for Jason to have a trauma related to that and that a lot of things that he try to goal in his life were in some way related to that, same about why he has that behaviour in his relationships.

Another thing: Jason mentions in ep 5 that his parents were not millionaires, and his birthday was rather modest. He is quite dry and serious when mentioning this, which makes me think that it is a detail of his life that he doesn’t like to talk about, since he may consider it a weakness. And it doesn't surprise me, since Jason couldn't set up the company alone, he needed the help of various private investors to whom he now owes money and favors. Also in his description he says that he likes expensive brand clothes and numbers (I guess this refers to money, not maths XD) So the fact of appearing to be a man with a lot of money is something that probably has him obsessed, and that it has cost him a lot of sacrifice to achieve, and he may also have still debts to those investors, but he does his best to pretend that everything in life is going very very well. He won’t want his rivals, his companions, or any flirt to find out that there are things in his life that are either not going so well or have not gone well in the past. (I’m not saying he’s broke, but I mean he’s not so rich as Amanda, despite of he tries to do his best to look like that, especially because all his company investors are probably rich men of very high category, high social standards you know), basically about this Jason is a bit like Jordan in The wolf of wall street movie, in the sense of someone who started very low in the social scale and ended up climbing to the top, according to him with clean methods, but who knows if he or any of his investors actually have any illegal secrets about his finances, and I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case and Jason purposely ignored this, since he himself said in ep 5 that he didn't know how some of his workers did their jobs and that he "wasn't interested in knowing it." He said this about Danica, but I think it really implies that he applies it to everyone who works with him and for him.

His business ideology:

There is a saying in Spanish that is quite famous in the world in marketing and great finances and that can be applied perfectly to Jason to explain and summarize his behaviour in business and his way to see the life: it is said that in business you need to have a "mentalidad de tiburón" (literally have a mind like a shark), this refers to a white shark, if it doesn't move it sinks, and means this is the mentality that an ambitious man of business must follow in order not to sink and continue continuing with his goals and dreams, the mentality of a person whose main motivation is money, who does not mind jumping the limits of ethics and morality in order to achieve it.

The equivalent in English here is “wolf-like mentality”, it’s similar to what I’ve explain, but includes too the saying of “divide and conquer” and to clarify this even more to understand Jason’s character, here I add all the main points it includes, something that can perfectly fix in Jason’s character to understand him better, a very Maquiavelo-like:

This can also apply to his personal relationships (romantic ones included), this way of thinking can explain it very well too what could be other of the reasons why he feels he cannot have a long romantic relationship: because his business are the first, and also can explain why perhaps he lost the interest in women very quick, because he’s mostly focused in the mentality of immediate results and thinks maybe the other choice is a lost of time + the fear for the previous trauma about the attacked and losing someone I’ve mentioned before.

And about wolf mentality and his rivalry and work…

Now let’s talk about the matter of his rivalry with Devon.

Maybe the answer is just a simple as: Jason was just frustrated for not be able to achieve his dreams for all the stuff I’ve been wrote before, which led him to steal the project from Devon (whether it was stealing it by himself acting alone and by himself in a desperate act or because some third person manipulated and convinced him to do it), but even if those were the main reasons, I still think there's something more here we still don’t know. Something more that happened between them before or during the town hall project thing, something more personal and complex than what we've been told, or at least that there's something more here that Devon doesn't know.

Maybe could be also for envy too. Devon was a good person and didn't have to pretend to be perfect to achieve his dreams like Jason did to have friends or a romantic partner and Devon seems to had a loving and stable family, maybe they meet each other since they were teenagers, but we still have no confirmation about this, so maybe I’m wrong, the only thing we know for sure is that at least they didn’t meet each other since childhood, since Chinomiko said it on Instagram long ago. But still this doesn’t feel enough (to me at least) to explain Jason’s behaviour.

For now, I also keep other of my old theories about there is possible a third person involved in all this problem. We’ll see what’s the real answer to this question.

Although here I want to add one more point, and that is that Devon and Devenementiel curiously represent the exact opposite of Jason and Goldreamz in the business approach, the called “sheep mentality”, and these are the differences between them:

Ironically, today in the competitiveness of modernity in business, it's considered that in reality the best entrepreneurs are neither one nor the other, but a mix between both types of mentality. Does this mean that there will be a time in the future when both companies find themselves in a delicate situation and decide to collaborate in order to mutually triumph against a greater enemy (Ioann and his company, f*ck Ysa's ex boyfriend, I hope we can punch him, that Ioann is gonna be the new Debrah and main villain mark my words) by overcoming their differences? Well, only time will tell...

Now, about Ysaline-Jason:

There is the small detail that Ysaline comes from a rich family, or at least her mother became rich and famous in her work in recent years, and thanks to that Ysaline was able to do private and expensive studies abroad (and Jason clearly knows this, he's an stalker who got her number and email easily XD and other characters like Thomas and Amanda knew Ysaline's mother was rich too just searching some info about her on internet). And that may also cause some insecurity in Jason, fearing that perhaps Ysaline may be disappointed if she finds out that he's not as perfect as he seems or at least that he was not at all in his past. Maybe he even had an ex girlfriend who, after she found out that, felt disappointed about him and left him, and that made him more superficial and cautious with her subsequent love conquests, or maybe since he only get romances once he started to put on his popular guy facade and succeed, he thinks he needs to impress and seduces her in the same way he did it with other women, because he thinks she will only be seduced by him by superficial stuff like his charms, attractive, money and work. Until Ysaline shows him what she wants is really get to know him, with all his weakness, in heart, mind and body, and until he realizes he really wants to know her better just because he loves to spend time with her and she makes him happy, and we know that will happen.

I've read some theories from different people and social webs that some think that Jason wants to use Ysa's family's money to invest in his own company, but I think his intentions are not in that way, but rather:

I think also one of the reasons why he agreed to help in ep 5 her was not only to seduce her or to show her Goldreamz so that she would want to work there with him, but also because Jason is able to see her potential, since a person with her studies, her family money, all the important contacts her mother has, and with the previous experience of having worked in a big important company and who has also shown him face to face that she has a competitive and brave side, she can undoubtedly go very far, and obviously he wants her to go far having her by his side, but of course he will also have a conflict here since I don't think he is the type of person who is comfortable mixing love with business, not like Ioann, the hell with that shitty man.

Obviously he also wants to manipulate her or at least bother Devenementiel somehow with all this. The little we have seen of Danica in ep 5 is that she is someone very efficient and fast at her job, Jason saw that and brought her to his side, now Jason sees that although Ysaline has failed in one of her projects, she still has potential to become a great event organizer. He also wanted to closely observe how she works when she is motivated and has someone guide her in the right path, when she is herself, and maybe even Jason sees in her the person he was before he achieved excellence. And Ysaline has ambition, she herself told Devon in one of the previous eps (if you follow Devon's route) that she dreamed of one day becoming a big star in the world of events and had the goal of being one of the best at her job. Even in one of the dialogues you can get in ep 2, Jason asks Ysaline "Aren't you willing to do anything to achieve success?" Jason knows that they are both similar in that way, and he wants to take advantage of that.

However Ysaline not only has ambition and a competitive will, but also a certain level of morality and feeling of unity with her co-workers, boss and her family and friends. And although it is still early to assume this, it's quite possible that she is the character that represents the perfect mix between the two business ideologies, both the wolf and the sheep. I'll call that fussion "the kitten mentality" because I can.

Of course, returning to the relationships issue, one thing to try his best to seduce her and make her work for him or at least have her as an ally and briefly as lover, and something very different is what we know will happen: that he will fall in love with her and both will want more, but he will feel that he cannot and shouldn't go further.

So we have here all this matter about his fake perfect facade of rich, charming and popular man of business + his humble origins + wolf-like mentality + his trauma about the losing of his father and more people in the future. A perfect cocktail to be afraid to have a stable relationship.

Greetings to all Jason fans like me who have him as a route and loves to suffer. In this house we love traumatized fictional men with red flags.

And let's add of course there will probably be many more problems that will make him fear having a relationship with Ysaline once he falls in love with her, because problems already numbered in more than 2000 words weren't enough first because he will try to convince himself that he only wants to manipulate her so that she change sides and join to Goldreamz, and to seduce her so that she'd end up in his bed (and she maybe would believe that too), but then when he finds out he's in love with her, and she with him, Jason will have to make the decision about whether to go ahead with his revenge against Devenementiel or not, because he knows that will end up hurting her, since she could suffer if her colleagues and boss find out about her relationship with him and distrust her or if that even ruins her reputation, which is was already bad in her previous company because she slept with her previous boss, and above all because she will never forgive him and will hate him if the Devenementiel closes and all his friends and her loses their jobs because of Jason's actions. And having a relationship with him makes her feels more guilty for what happened, like believing she was part of his plans and she helped him in some way, and then she could believe she was nothing except another more of his conquers and everything was a lie (her ex-boyfriend trauma attacking again here), or at least she wasn't as important to him as she thought.

And perhaps, even if he tries to stop those actions, and not harm Devenementiel further so as not to make her harm her, perhaps, by then, it will be too late to stop those revenge plans...

So he will lose another person that he loves and wants in his life. The only person who accepted him and loved him exactly who he really is and who really knows him. His biggest fears making true, again.

but this is an otome game, guys, everything will be solved at the end and everybody will be happy, don't worry!

[writers-hes]

since when? (a. bridgerton x reader)

You grew up with the Bridgertons and for the longest time, Anthony thought of you as a friend…since when did he look at you differently? (friends to lovers, slow burn, the Bridgertons being the best wing men, you look at him but he’s already looking at you….)  helpful links: navigation | master lists | rules and guidelines | tag list | fic recs

It was no secret among the Ton that your family was a dear friend to the Bridgertons. Your mother and Violet Bridgerton have been friends since they were children. They shared paper crowns, secrets, joys, and sorrows. They got married in the same year and soon enough, your mother was helping Violet as she birthed Anthony and then Benedict. Soon, it was Violet who helped your mother as she birthed her only child, you.

The Bridgerton household has always been big and it provided your parents some comfort to know that you won’t have to grow up alone. You’d always be surrounded by the Bridgertons and you were. Many a time, the older brothers would sneak into your gardens to tease you while you played with your dolls, a picnic blanket laid on the grass as you waited for Violet to bring Daphne.

“You know, there are other games than dolls,” Colin would tease, his nose scrunching. “Anthony loves to play pall mall. Maybe you’d beat him,”

“Hey! No one can beat me,” Anthony would scold, taking a doll from your hand.

“Anthony! Give me back my doll!” you’d call and he’d run away from you, cackling evilly while his younger brothers inspected your toys curiously. When you’d grow tired, you’d sit on the porch of your house and cry until Anthony came over to you with an apologetic look on his face.

“You took my doll, Anthony! You can’t make girls cry! You can’t make your friend cry too!” you’d sob but Anthony would utter a string of apologies that you’d accept. “I’m your friend, right?”

“Of course. I’m sorry for making you cry,” he’d say. Later in the day, he’d force Benedict to give one of the servants a box of cookies for you and in the morning, he’d sneak off again to see you happily munching on them. He’d steal a piece or two of course, but as a punishment, you’d force him to stay and have a tea party with you.

When you grew older, Anthony was still playful. When he’d bring his friends over while you were having tea with Daphne, he’d pull a face and would ask “What are you doing here again? Do you not have a home?”

“I could say the same,” you shrugged. You were teenagers now and the blows just got better. “With the amount of time you spend in our house, one would think that your family hates you. Guess, I’m right,” you shrugged, the same amount of sarcasm.

“Don’t mind him,” Daphne would say, rolling her eyes. “He’s sulky whenever you’re not around,”

“He’s probably annoyed because he’a got no one to annoy, Daph,” you replied, sipping on tea. She’d smile at you and you’d smile back at the girl whom you’ve always loved as a little sister. “It’s been a while since all of us got together but I understand, of course. The boys have their education to attend to and us…well, we have pianoforte and needlework,”

“They will be coming back soon for a break,” Daphne says. “Perhaps we can all have a picnic?”

And so you all attended a picnic together. It was a summer’s day, families were setting up their own tents in the park for a lovely afternoon. It was unusual to see your family’s tent and the Bridgertons’ right beside each other.

“What is it you’re reading?” Benedict asked, when he saw you. He just got back from schooling two days ago and was back to his old antics.

“Nothing worth mentioning since you can’t read,” you replied with a smile hiding behind the book. “Gregory’s still so young but I bet he can read way better,”

“Hey!” he scolds. “If you must know, I was the best reader in my class as a young boy,”

You laughed. “How have you been, Ben?” You’ve always been softer on Ben and Colin. They’d bother you like brothers did but they never made you cry as a child.

“Same old,” he shrugs, sitting next to you. “I took art history and art as a course for my studies this year,”

“And?”

“I plan on pursuing it,” Ben says. You smiled proudly at him.

“That’s great, Benedict. My husband and I would like to commission you for a painting in the future,” you said. “When you’re famous, please give me a friendly rate!”

“You don’t even have a husband yet,” Benedict shrugged. “Besides, maybe it’ll be your husband who’s going to finance my artistic pursuits,” he hinted and you tilted your head, confused.

“I don’t have a husband…” you trailed off, making Benedict laugh as he saw the gears in your head turning.

“I jest!” he says, making you laugh.

“You are insufferable, Benedict Bridgerton!”

“You are as clueless as I am insufferable,”

-

It didn’t take long enough for you to make your debut and enter society. It was a big commotion inside your house but a quiet one amongst the Ton. It unnerved you because you were still young. How could your mother not see that you didn’t want to marry yet? She told you that you’d been putting it off for years; now that you were not a teenager. Two and twenty…a little too late to debut but who cared? You were the most beautiful debutante the Ton has ever seen…or at least someone thought so.

“Stop your staring, brother or flies will get inside your mouth,” Colin whispered, leaning ever so slightly to Anthony.

“I am not staring! I’m only surprised,” Anthony replied.

“Well, no one should be surprised,” Benedict added. “She’s of age and she needs to find a husband. Could you imagine? If she marries this year, we could have a little baby to bother next year. Oh, I so want to become an uncle!”

You were looking around nervously. You’ve always hated big gatherings and Lady Danbury’s ball was enormous. At the sight of your three friends, you visibly relaxed, excusing yourself from the gentlemen who approached you (quite rudely) to make a beeline towards them.

“Oh, God. I’m so glad you’re here!” you breathed.

“Lady Danbury would have our eyes for breakfast if we do not attend,” Colin replied. “You look beautiful!”

“Thank you, Colin,” you said, scrunching your nose. You weren’t unfamiliar with Colin’s compliments now and then. He never found it troublesome to say the words one needed to hear to feel comfortable, if not good.

“I was just talking about how much I want to become an uncle,” Benedict said. “Anthony doesn’t want to marry, Daphne’s too young…”

“And you’ve taken me as an unwilling volunteer of your aspirations,” you finished for him, making him chuckle.

“Well, that might be the case. Have you ever had champagne? Libations are usually free-flowing in events like these,” Benedict winked. “In fact, let’s go get champagne after we dance. Come,” he says, extending his hand toward you. You smiled brightly and accepted with your gloved hand, allowing Benedict to lead you to the dancefloor.

“Tsk tsk,” Colin chides Anthony who has not said a word since your arrival. “She’s beautiful, is she not?”

“I suppose,” he mutters before taking an exit.

-

Upon hearing the news that you have debuted, the girls rushed to your house to hear about last night.

“Did you meet anyone?” Daphne asked eagerly.

“No one,” you replied, seeing as Daphne deflated, you tried to brighten her spirits up. “But…it’s only the first ball. There are many other balls to attend to and bachelors to meet,”

“Are Lady Danbury’s ball as great as everyone makes it out to be?” Francesca asked. “Where are your callers?”

“It is,” you nodded. “I have not danced with anyone last night but Benedict and Colin,” you shared.

Daphne, Eloise, and Francesca were all excited for you. Daphne, mostly, who has always looked up to you as her older sister. Now that you’ve made your debut to society, it could be real. You could finally be her sister.

“And Anthony?” she asked.

“He was brooding the whole night,” you chuckled. “As he always does,”

“I hope whoever you marry is at least smart,” Eloise commented from her chair. “Someone smart enough to hold a conversation…definitely not one of my brothers,”

“Eloise!” you scolded playfully.

“What? It is true,” she shrugged, a glint in her eye.

In a few hours, Anthony comes to fetch his sister. You had been answering the younger girls’ questions patiently, keeping them entertained as you showed them your dresses for the season. Eloise was in the drawing room, drowning herself in her writing.

“Where’s Daphne and Francesca?” Anthony asked.

“Hello to you too, brother,” Eloise greeted. “They’re in Y/N’s bedchamber. She’s showing them some dresses and other things for the season,”

Anthony hummed and made a beeline for your room. It was wide open, your giggles heard in the corridor. Eloise was hot on his tails, trying to see the commotion for herself.

“I hope you’re not giving my sisters any ideas,” he says, leaning on your doorframe. In all of the years he’s known you, he’s never seen your bedchamber. His eyes were darting around quickly, taking note of your books, your table, and paraphernalia that embodied who you were.

“Anthony!” you greet. “Ow!”

He looks at you in alarm, laughing when Francesca apologizes for stepping on your shoes as you taught her how to dance.

“What are you doing, Francesca?” he asked, back straightening to walk inside but he stopped himself, afraid to cross any boundaries. It was Eloise who literally had to shove him slightly.

“It’s okay, Anthony,” you smiled. “I was teaching your sisters how to dance. I’m a great dancer, you know? I can teach you…so you won’t have to step on a poor girl’s foot while you dance,” you teased.

Three girls waited in anticipation but Anthony said nothing.

“No reply?” you asked. “It must be my lucky day, girls.”

“Not that it’s any of my concern but I’m afraid I’m a far better dancer than you’ll ever be. Perhaps, it is I who should teach you? Benedict complained all night because of your dancing,”

“He did not!”

“He did,” he teased, a slight smirk playing on his lips. “Come along, sisters. Mother wants us all for dinner,”

That night, when the three sisters were huddled in the library quietly, they all agreed how wonderful it would be to have you as a part of the family. Unbeknownst to them, their two older brothers also agree.

-

Anthony peeked outside the window, noticing the line of carriages on the street.

“What’s the commotion outside?” he asked, no one in particular.

“Didn’t you know? Our Y/N was the talk of the ball last night,” Benedict replied. “Such a shame you weren’t there, Anthony. She was seen making an acquaintance with a businessman. He asked if he could call on her today and her mother said yes. Her dance card was filled to the brim, I almost wasn’t able to dance with her,” he said, a mischievous glint in his eyes, as he watched Anthony. He wasn’t lying, you told him all about it and showed him your dance card. You complained at how tired you were while you both danced. “Maybe we’ll have a nephew or a niece soon, hmm?”

“Can you go accompany me later, Anthony? I want to go to her and see all of these gifts!” Daphne asked. “Do you think someone gifted her a dog?”

“Ask Benedict or Colin to come with you,” he replied sourly.

“I can’t…I have a prior commitment,” Benedict lied. “with Colin,”

“Ah, yes,” Colin added. “I am ready to go to the farm, brother,”

“Come on, Anthony. You could just take me there and leave me. You can come back in a couple of hours!” Daphne begged.

Anthont relented before walking off. He didn’t see how his younger siblings smirked at each other.

Afternoon came and you were tired. You were sitting lazily on the loveseat amongst gift boxes you have yet to open. Luckily, no one gifted you with a dog.

“Y/N!” Daphne called and you smiled, fixing your posture slightly to greet her. “Your gifts! They’re so many!”

“Hello, Daphne,” you greeted. “Anthony, you’re here,”

“Daphne dragged me,” he said, taking a piece of chocolate from the box given to you by some gentleman before plopping down in front of you. “Don’t mind me.”

You looked at Daphne who shrugged.

“Do you want to open them with me?” you asked her, sitting up. “I need your help, you know and you can take whatever you might like,”

“Really?” she asked eagerly. “You’re certain? These might cost a fortune and you’re giving it away?”

“Yes,” you nod. “You can take some for Francesca, Eloise, and Hyacinth too. Besides, you’ll be helping me out. None of these would fit in my room,”

Daphne nods excitedly and picks a box from a shop she knew. She gasped as she takes out a music box with a man and a woman dancing in the middle. She turns the crank and hears a sweet melody.

“Look! The female dancer looks like you,” she says. She digs the box for anything and reads out a card. “Thank you for keeping me company and for making me feel welcomed. Sincerely, A.S..?”

“Alfred,” you told her. Anthony was secretly listening to your conversation. You were on a first name basis now? It annoyed him, he didn’t know why. “We danced last night,”

“What does he look like? Is he handsome?”

“He is!” you giggled, putting away the box that you just opened. “He looks quite intimidating and has a brusque way of speaking but he’s gentle.”

“What are the color of his eyes?” she asked.

“Gray…with hazel and blue,” you replied. “It looks like a dark blue from afar but when you’re closer, you’ll see specks of other colors too,”

“I wish to meet him,”

“Daphne!” Anthony scolded after listening.

“Sorry,” she apologized, a frown on her face.

“It’s okay,” you assured. “You can meet him some other time.”

The Ton fully believed that you were courting. Sightings of you and Alfred around London had been common. You’d have your hands wrapped around his arm while your maid trailed behind. People were so sure that you were courting. How could they not? He was always calling on you or has been seen dancing with you multiple times. It didn’t help that Alfred only danced with you during balls. It didn’t help at all.

“Y/N has been spending so much time with that Alfred lately,” Colin remarked. “They’re always huddled by the dance floor, laughing among themselves. If they weren’t dancing, you’d be certain that they’d be together,”

Colin looked at Benedict discreetly. Daphne and her sisters watched Anthony.

“Maybe there will be a nephew or a niece after all,” Anthony replied with a strained voice. His throat ached as he suppressed an emotion that bubbled in his chest.

The Bridgertons could not be any more wrong. On your first meeting with Alfred, he admitted that he had a girl he loved back home. He hasn’t told her yet, still building his business to fully support her. He only attended this social season to expand his business and had made your acquaintance because your father invested a sum in his business. You both agreed to keep a ruse that you were courting. You weren’t looking to marry and he didn’t want any mamas vulturing him.

He’d been successful in gathering investors. He told you all about his travels and about the woman he left home. He said that they’d visit you sometime soon. Meanwhile, you showed him to London’s high society. You told your father to invite him to his club. He liked dancing and had thought of you as a suitable dance partner. Your parents never minded. The more you spent time with Alfred, the more suitors you had. You’d never know exactly why but Alfred has been telling everyone that you were warm, comforting, and kind.

One afternoon, you were seen with Alfred again, not knowing that the Bridgertons were there in the park too. It was nothing formal. Alfred showed up at your door, asking if you had any plans this afternoon. You said no and asked if you’d like to accompany him to the park. He’ll be leaving in a few days and wanted to spend more time with you before he left.

Anthont watched from the tent as you passed by. You were so consumed with some joke that you didn’t notice the tent.

“Is that Y/N and Sir Alfred?” Daphne asked. “He’s as handsome as she described him! Franscesca, look! I’m going to say hello,” she declared before gathering herself. Anthony ran after his sister who was more than excited to be introduced to the man who had occupied your time. Maybe it was Daphne but maybe it was because he needed to know but either way, he followed.

“Y/N!” Daphne called and you stopped, smiling widely as Daphne neared. You also threw a quick smile towards Anthony.

“Hello, Daphne,” you greeted. “I didn’t know you were here. Had I known, I would have dropped by,”

“It’s alright. I just wanted to say hello to you and…”

Your eyebrows rose and you chuckled.

“Alfred,” your friend introduced himself. “Nice to meet you, Ms. Bridgerton. Y/N has talked so greatly about you. Good afternoon, Viscount Bridgerton,” he greeted and Anthony returned the greeting.

“Alfie—Alfred, you’ve yet to meet the others,” you smiled up at him. Anthony’s heart clenched. Alfie?

“Hey! I told you to stop calling me that,” he chastised playfully. “It ruins my reputation,”

“I apologize, sir Alfie,” you teased. “Anyhow, this is Daphne and Anthony. They’ve been my friends since we were children. They’re like my siblings,”

Alfred’s eyebrows shot up. Maybe to all of them…but that label was disliked by someone. He was looking at him right now.

“Would it be a bother if I introduced Alfred to the rest of the family?” you asked. Daphne shook her head, taking your hand immediately to bring you to their tent, Alfred and Anthony in tow.

“Y/N’s here!” Daphne announced. “She brought Sir Alfred with her,”

“Sorry for the intrusion, everyone,” you apologized. Anthony was about to say that it wasn’t a bother at all. He saw how his siblings’ faces lit up when they saw you. “Everyone, meet sir Alfred. Alfred, meet everyone,”

Everyone introduced themselves. Alfred was charming and perfect for you. Anthony could see that and it made him uncomfortable. He’d been denying the fact for so long and he will continue to do so.

“Alfred is very favorable, is he not?” Violet commented when you both left. You had to go attend an opera show with Alfred for the evening. “Such a handsome man who seems to care deeply for our Y/N. Do you think they’ll be engaged soon?”

“I believe someone else is perfect for our Y/N,” Benedict spoke. “Alfred may be as you described him, mother but I see nothing but friendship between the two of them. Trust me,”

-

The simple bracelet dangling on your arm made Anthony question Benedict. You told Daphne that you weren’t feeling well today because Alfred left last night. As a parting gift, he gave you a bracelet with a simple pendant. Daphne recalled how puffy your eyes were when she visited. It was obvious that you both held each other dearly. You were just too sad to see him go.

Anthony took it upon himself to light your spirits up again. After a morning of appeasing your callers, Anthony put it upon himself to sit by the garden seen right outside of your drawing room. You knew he was there, he always liked to sit by the swings. You walked towards him and he looked up.

“Why are you here?” you asked.

“I’ve noticed how sad you’ve been since your…Sir Alfred left London,” he said. “So, I thought…why must I let you suffer any longer? Let’s have tea in that place you like. I’ll pay for everything,”

“What happened to Anthony Bridgerton?” you asked and he chuckled.

“We’ve been friends way before we learned how to walk. Besides, banter gets boring, don’t you agree?” he asked, extending his arm for you to take. “You know what? I’ll even listen to you. Just for a day,”

“You will?” you asked, attaching your hand on his arm. “Wait—my maid—“

“It’s okay. Everything has been taken care of,” he said. “Let’s go,”

The Bridgerton carriage waited for you both and he let you in. The ride to the town square was quiet. If anyone understood your plight, it was Anthony. Besides, who would he tell? The gossip papers? Certainly not.

Sitting across from him in a secluded table in the tea shop with finger food and tea before you, you decided to speak.

“Alfred and I weren’t courting,” you confessed, sipping your tea. Anthony feels the constriction in his chest loosen. As if he hadn’t been breathing properly before your confession.

“Pardon?” he asked, setting down the cucumber sandwich that he was eating. “You’re not courting? Then…what about your dances? Everyone was waiting for the two of you to wed. You do know that you aren’t fooling me, right?”

You chuckled.

“He has a sweetheart back home,” you said and Anthony’s hands clenched. How could someone like Alfred fool you? “It’s not like that…before you declare war. Listen to me, alright?”

“Alright,”

“He and I thought of a ruse that we’re courting. I don’t want to be married yet, Anthony. You know more than anyone that I’m in no rush. He didn’t want to be surrounded by debutantes and mothers who asked him for a dance. He was only here to expand his business by looking for more investors,” you said coolly. You looked at Anthony’s furrowed brows. “I know I should have told you but we both agreed to keep it between us. The fewer people involved, the more effective. He and I are friends and nothing but,”

“What about the music box and your bracelet?” he asked. He wanted to take the words back if he could. It showed that he paid attention and it bothered him.

“Oh…” you stuttered, looking away. “The music box was a gift from him. A gift for agreeing with everything. The bracelet…well, it’s the same. It’s a parting gift for our friendship. We both have the same bracelet with the same gem. I was sad to see him leave but more than anything, I’m looking forward to his next return with the woman he loves. Did you know he’s going to confess his feelings? If everything goes well, he'll ask her hand for marriage.” you said and Anthony knew that it was the truth. Your eyes sparkled as you talked about Alfred’s possible marriage.

“It’s what I want for myself,” you spoke. “I want to marry under those circumstances and not because of practicality or…whatever it is. I am expected to marry someone with a rank…someone from a good family. I am an only child but I do not want to be  restricted by my responsibilities,”

“I see,” was his pensive reply. “We haven’t danced yet. Did you know that?”

“I am well aware,” you acknowledged. “The last ball will be soon. Would you care for a dance, Viscount Bridgerton?”

“I would,”

-

Anthony went home that day humming.

Violet was alarmed…he has never seen Anthony so carefree since Edmund’s tragic death. His brothers were amused and his sisters were confused. They were all so used to a brooding Anthony.

“Anthony, is everything alright?” Violet Bridgerton asked. Anthony halts his step, sitting on his own chair.

“Of course,” he says. “It’s a wonderful day, is it not?”

“I suppose so,” his mother replies. “Would you like some tea before dinner? I can make you a cup,”

“It’s quite alright, mother. Y/N and I just had tea,” he shrugged. Daphne’s piano stopped playing and Anthony could feel eyes on him.

“You and who?” Benedict asked.

“Y/N and I,” Anthony replied. “Why are you all looking at me? Is something the matter?”

“No but usually you’d ask me to come—“ Daphne stops as her mother looks at her pointedly. Anthony was in good spirits and it is therefore favorable for everyone if his good mood persists.

“Of course, dear sister but remember, she and I are good friends. I just decided to ask her to spend the afternoon with after Sir Alfred’s departure,” Anthony replied. They didn’t know what he knew.

“Such a shame,” Eloise added. “I thought for sure they’ll be married by the end of the season,”

“What?” Anthony asked, an edge in his voice. Violet’s eyes rolled, annoyed that Eloise might have ruined Anthony’s mood. “Why must she marry him? There are other bachelors in London who suit her better,” he says. “Besides, they are friends,”

“What about the bracelet he gave her? Did you know he has the same one?” Daphne asked.

“Would you rather her marry somebody from outside London and see her rarely or marry someone close and see her often?” Anthony asked. Everyone stayed silent, it seemed as though the Viscount himself hadn't realized his feelings. “Exactly. Anyhow, thank you for your interrogation. I will be in my study to oversee some matters,”

He says, kissing his mother’s head before walking off.

“If that is what Y/N can do to Anthony, I would really want her to be married to him,” Francesca says, earning a few nods from her siblings.

-

The last ball of the season came and Anthony was dressed in his best clothes. He went to his barber before going to the tailor to have his clothes altered perfectly. He was in the ballroom, awaiting your arrival. Before leaving that afternoon, you both agreed to look your best.

Your mother soon comes with you behind her. You were donned in Anthony’s favorite color, butterflies and flowers embroidered in the dress. Jewels were in place, your hair falling in all the right places. Anthony thought that you looked ethereal.

He waited until you saw him, eyes brightening. He smiled, walking towards you. He forgot his brothers who stood behind him. He’d love nothing more than to have your first and last dances.

“Anthony,” you greeted. He takes your hand and kisses your gloved hands.

“You look beautiful,” he says.

“Does that mean I’m not beautiful on a regular day?” you teased. “You look just as handsome, Anthony,”

“Shall we dance?” he asked and you nodded, allowing him to escort you to the dance floor. Anthony looks into your eyes as lilting music starts. Soft murmurs in the crowd fade away. It’s the first time he’s seen you so, so close. There was a faint smile playing on your lips and he found himself smiling too. “Do you remember, when we were younger, our dance teachers would pair us together?”

“And I remember being the better dancer,” you boasted. “Is this how you teach?”

“No,” he replied, finding his hand on your hip, the feeling of the fabric soft against his skin. “I concede. You are the superior dancer,”

You beamed. Anthony thought that he’d let himself lose in your arguments to see you smile like that again.

“Maybe I should teach you…so you wouldn’t have to embarrass yourself in front of other debutantes,” you offered.

“Why should I learn how to dance with others when I’m perfectly fine with my dance partner?” Anthony asked. “It’s just…one, two, step. Remember?”

“Of course, I do,” you replied. “I remember Miss Rutherford scolding you for stepping on my toes,”

Anthony laughed. “You will never let that down, will you?”

“Of course not. Banter may get boring but I find it most pleasurable to see you agitated,” you replied. “Do I…agitate you?” you asked, swallowing thickly. Anthony could feel your breath on his face.

“You do,” he replied. “Is that good?”

“Very,”

-

“How was your dance?” Benedict asked. “Did you all know that he and Y/N danced last night? Laughing among themselves?”

“You did?” Francesca asked, excited.

“He left us when he saw her. I think Anthony forgot that he was supposed to be with his brothers,” Colin teased.

“I don’t see the matter,” Anthony replied, swallowing his breakfast. “You have both danced with Y/N. I did too. We are friends,”

“Of course,” Colin replied. “Only…you had your eyes glued on her last night. You shared your last dance together. Mother had to separate the two of you beside the refreshments table because you were too busy giggling among yourselves,”

“I for one would love it if Y/N became a part of our family,” Eloise remarked.

“Isn’t she already a part of it? We all grew up together. Why is everyone acting absurd?” Anthony asked but he knew. He couldn’t stop thinking about you these days. Last night, he tossed and turned in his bed because he couldn’t stop his heart fluttering from the recent events. He remembered the relief he felt when you told him about your ruse with Alfred. He remembered how much he enjoyed his banter with you over the years…most especially recently. He has always seen you as a friend. Since when has he looked at you in a different light? His mouth ran dry, gulping the cold water to calm his nerves. Was this true?

“I would like to visit Y/N,” Daphne announced and Anthony sputtered. He coughs to clear his throat. “Would you accompany me, Anthony?”

“I could not,” he lied. How would he react if he saw you unbothered? How would he react if he saw you again? “I have matters to attend to. Ask Benedict or Colin to take you instead,”

-

Anthony sat in his office doing nothing but nursing the tumultuous beating of his heart. Since when did I think of her like this? Why is she so beautiful? Would she still accept me despite our shared banter?

Later in the afternoon, Anthony found himself pacing in their garden. He was so tempted to go over to your garden but he knew that Daphne would be there with you. He looked at the gate that separated you to him. Oh, how he wanted nothing more than to have that demolished.

“You’re looking too pensive for my liking,” Violet Bridgerton says, looking at her first born with concern. “I hope you know that your siblings only like to tease,”

“I know but…what if they were right?” Anthony revealed. Violet’s eyebrows shot up. Sure, she noticed how different Anthony seemed to be these days but she never could have expected it to come from him so easily.

“If that’s how you feel, why not tell her?”

“She told me she has no wish to get married,” he says. He then told his mother about the ruse that you had with Alfred. How you both fooled everyone in London.

“Well, Benedict’s right all along,” Violet says. “But you’re both still so young, Anthony. You have so much time and I want you to spend this time on what makes you happy.”

“What if I fail?” he asked with a weak voice. Violet was reminded of Anthony as a child, when he used to voice his insecurities. There was something so beautiful about a child seeking his mother.

“At least you tried,” she said. “It would hurt more if you’re left all your life wondering what could have happened if you tried,”

-

The weeks that transpired after the social season could be described as irregular. You were thinking of better words to say but it was hard. Anthony was kinder and would purposely seek out your company on slower days. Over the course of a few weeks, Anthony had accompanied you to the theater. He spent time with you at the museum. He stayed at your house to share a meal with your family. The banter was there and it was still enjoyable but you couldn’t deny the fact that the new Anthony was way more favorable. You were now in the Bridgerton home after being invited by the siblings for a meal in the garden. The weather was amazing and Anthony had just installed beautiful lamps that illuminated the garden.

“I would like you to be my sister, Y/N,” Francesca announced after helping her choose a bow. She settled with a peach-colored bow that went beautifully with her hair. You chuckled, brushing off her comment.

“Are we not like sisters already?” you asked, tying the bow perfectly around a lock of hair.

“We are…but it would be better if you lived with us,” she said. “Or visited us more,”

“I’m sorry if you’ve been feeling neglected,” you told her honestly, your hand caressing her hair gently. “But now that the social season is over, we can see each other more.”

“You promise?” she asked.

“Of course. Daphne, Eloise, and you could all come visit me at home. We’ll have the night all to ourselves in my bedroom. I’ll prepare your favorite sweets and we can just talk the whole night. How does that sound?” you asked, your heart warming when Francesca beams at you.

“I’ll have to ask Anthony but I would love to!” she says. “I would have to go to Daphne and Eloise to tell them. Thank you for fixing my hair!”

You sat back on the couch afterwards, enjoying a moment of peace and quiet. You were thinking of all the preparations you might have to do when they do decide to visit. Your eyes darted to a sound and watched the Viscount sit down beside you. While he settled, you closed your eyes. The social season was tiring and it was hard to find rest sometimes.

“You haven’t been here for an hour. Why do I hear Fransesca talking to Daphne and Eloise about a possible visit?” he asked, closing his eyes to rest. He’s been cooped up in his study for hours to oversee the estate.

“She’s right. Maybe not soon, though,” you replied, voice soft. “I’m so tired.”

“Me too,” he says and no words were spoken. The noise outside the house was forgotten now. Your and his even breathing both lulled you to sleep and it was your mothers who found you and Anthony’s heads leaning on each other, just like you did when you were kids.

-

Anthony has been occupying all of the spaces inside your head recently. Sometimes, you were scared that your mind was projecting him because he’d always be there. You’d walk in the hallways and hear him laughing with you father. You’d be in town with your maid and he’s there, inviting you for gelato. You’d go home with a faint smile playing on your lips before reminding yourself that it was Anthony.

“Miss, the Viscount Bridgerton is here to see you,” your maid says. She took note of how you immediately smiled. “He’s been here…a lot,” she teased.

“We are friends, Mary. Of course, he’d be here,” you told her. “Besides, we grew up together,”

“Of course…but…”

“What?” you asked, fixing the tendrils of hair on your face. “Do I look alright?”

“Since when did you think about how you looked in front of Viscount Bridgerton?” she teased, laughing when your mouth was open agape. She had a point. “If it’s any consolation, you look amazing. I’m sure the Viscount would think you look amazing…if he doesn’t already,”

Confusing feelings that you nursed plagued you. Every now and then, you’d feel flustered when you felt his eyes on you. It was funny, really but what’s funnier was how everyone seemed to know but the two of you. Nothing escapes anyone, especially Lady Danbury who, along with the Bridgertons, visited your house for dinner.

You were all over the table, quiet as you heard murmurs from everyone. Your mother was talking to her friends while your father talked to Benedict and Colin about their travels. It seemed as though the only people who weren’t speaking were you and Anthony. You looked around the dining table, trying to listen in on all kinds of conversations when your eyes landed on the Viscount. He was already looking at you, a teasing smile on his face and you felt your cheeks warm. You looked away quickly, sipping on your lemonade, never noticing that his eyes were still glued on you.

-

“You both have to do something about those children of yours,” Lady Danbury commented, her eyebrow raised expectantly. “Do you think they’re fooling anyone at all? I’ve seen how they stole glances from one another. It was not subtle,”

“I know,” Violet agreed. “I’ve seen Anthony look at her. Really, all his siblings seem to know too,”

“Y/N is the same,” your mother added. “She’s always off to run with Anthony. Have you noticed?”

Meanwhile, you were all in the garden. Benedict and Eloise were huddled together in the swings while you were laying on the picnic blanket. You didn’t care if it seemed appropriate. They were the Bridgertons, they never minded. You were looking up at the stars when Anthony blocked the view. A mischievous idea pops inside your head and you extended your arm upwards.

“Anthony, will you help me up?”

Anthony takes your hand but before he helps you, you pulled him down, sending him flat on the space beside you.

“You’re dead!” he exclaims as you run away from him.

“Benedict, help me!” you called, as you increase your speed.

“Don’t you dare, brother,” Anthony threatens, running after you. His heart fills with warmth when he heard your boisterous laugh. You were so carefree and so joyful.

Your screams rang through the garden when Anthony’s arms wrap around your waist. You looked at him, laughing.

“You really shouldn’t be doing that,” he scolds, tickling your sides. “Stop squirming! That’s your punishment!” he laughed, tickling you more. Suddenly, you both stopped, noticing the close proximity between the two of you. Your faces were inches away from each other and you both looked away, coughing. Unknown to you two, his siblings were smiling in amusement.

“Eloise!” you called. “Didn’t you want me to help you with something? Let us go,”

Anthony could only watch while you scurry off with Eloise and his sisters somewhere.

“Scandalous, is it not, brother?” Colin teased which earned him a light shove from the Viscount. His siblings watched him follow you with amusement. Someone has to do something about the two of you.

-

“What was that?” Eloise asked you when you reached your bedroom.

“Was what?” you feigned innocence. Daphne was with the two of you, sitting on your bed with her eyebrow raised.

“Everybody saw that,” Daphne said. “You know, it’s no harm to tell us about how you feel towards Anthony. The attraction is so obvious!”

“I agree with Daphne,” Eloise added. “While I do think that marriage is a trap, I fully support you marrying into our family. You’re good to us and Daphne’s right. There’s attraction there,”

“Since when did you girls know about attraction?” you mused. “You lot are still young,”

“Seems like we’re less clueless than you are,” Francesca teased, making thr girls giggle.

“Anthony is agitating,” you relent. “He’s kind and playful,”

“What is it that you look for in a husband?” Daphne asked, playing with a dainty necklace that you gifted her before.

“Someone kind and well, I’d love it if it feels like we’ve known each other forever. Sometimes, you get that feeling, you know? Like you’ve known them for a lifetime and everything just falls into place.” you said. “Someone who understands…someone patient. I’d like to marry someone who can make me laugh. I’d like to have a big family and marry someone coming from one…oh, dear,” you muttered. You were describing Anthony Bridgerton.

“That sounds a lot like…”

“Anthony!” Daphne gasped, seeing the man on your doorway. “What are you doing here?”

“Mother is looking for you girls,” he says, looking expectantly at his sisters.

“Anthony, you always ruin the fun!” Eloise glared. “We were having girl talk, if you weren’t aware,”

“It’s alright, Eloise,” Daphne says. “Let us go and let them have a moment of privacy,”

Eloise could only scowl at Anthony while Daphne ushers her out. Anthony breathes a sigh of relief as he looks ar you for permission.

“May I?”

“Of course, Anthony.” you smiled. “Come in. Did you need anything?”

Anthont doesn’t answer. Instead, he locks the door behind him. You gape as he walked nearer, until you were face to face. You were close again and you could feel him.

“Is something the matter?” you asked softly. “Would you tell me?”

“I heard what you told my sisters,” he replied, his voice just as soft. “Is it true? That the man you’re looking for sounds exactly like me?”

“Anthony—“

“If you must know, I feel the same.” he said. “I’ve been putting these emotions away from me because you once said that you were in no rush to get married. I thought that if I waited for you long enough, then you’d want to be married to me but I cannot wait any longer. Did you know how miserable I was when I thought that you and Sir Alfred were courting? I set it off for you but I am a selfish man and I cannot wait any longer. So tell me, is it true?”

You felt your throat constrict when Anthony’s gaze drops on your lips. Should you kiss him right now to convey your emotions?

“It is,” you replied. “But I’ve been keeping my emotions at bay because I feel the same,”

Anthony beams.

“Say it,” he whispers. “Say what you feel.”

“I love you, Anthony,” you replied. Anthony takes your head and kisses you deeply. You felt every emotion there is; inching your face closer to the roughness of his calloused hand. He moves away slowly and lays you down on your bed; him crawling on top of you to attach his lips on yours again.

“I love you too,” he mumbles softly, kissing the soft skin under your ear. Anthony would’ve liked it better if he could hear the soft whimpers that came from you. He trails down to your neck, and then the hemline of your chest. “I love you…so much. Tell me you love me,”

“I love you,” you whine.

“If you let me, I’d still want to court you properly and formally. Will you let me?” he whispered.

“We’re way past courting if you’re kissing me like this,”

“Do you want me to stop?”

“Never.”

(If you know who Alfred is based off of, comment to get a follow from me…u deserve it)

cc: @screechingdreamercollectorsblog @pink-lemo​ @lana-isabelle​ @evelyn3000​ @simran1111​ @marrilly @jemimah-b99​ @goldeng1rl8​ @lovely-him​ @wreckedsymphony​ @silvermistt​ @rexit-mo​ @chazubagi @freyathehuntress​ @flourishandblotts-inc​​ @  @bellaiscool​​  @rayodesol97​ @munsonology​ @miyababbby @jesslexi1170 

[lightwing-s]

𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐲| 𝐣. 𝐭.

pairing: arkham knight!jason todd x female!reader warnings: angst, violence, domestic abuse  word count: 2,4k summary: gotham pulls you down, jason pulls you harder. a/n: after reading the arkham knight comic i found myself obsessed and wrote this some time ago while in between finals. there will be a part 2, so wait for it soon ♡ ⌜masterlist⌟ ⌜requests⌟

A long time ago, someone I knew, someone I loved, told me something I would never forget: Gotham has powers over its people. Just like gravity, pulling you down, making it hard for you to leave. 

At that point, I didn't understand. But as time went by, it all became clear.

I wanted to leave. And I tried to. So many damned times, almost on a daily basis. And yet, here I am. Still in this goddamn place.

But he also told me, on that same day, that although the gravity field was heavy, I could be stronger. That I was stronger. I could push it away, get out of here. What doesn’t kill you makes you a hell of a lot stronger, Y/n.

It all started on a Thursday night. I was given the day off on Friday, and like every reckless young adult, I had decided to spend my night getting drunk with my so-called friends at a bar, just around the corner of the street he once owned. Even if it’d been years, I could never not remember him everytime I walked by.

But that time, for the first time in forever, it didn’t cross my mind. I had missed it. I had… forgotten. It would be days later when the guilt started eating me up. How could I’ve forgotten him? How did I suddenly stop caring?

We were having fun, dancing around, chatting, and having drinks. Having many drinks. I must have drunk double my weight in alcohol, yet somehow still managed to stand on my two feet. My boyfriend, almost as drunk as me, hung out with his friends not paying me much attention. I guess he didn’t care that it was my birthday, but I guess even I forgot about that. It had been years since I last cared for it, nothing making much sense celebrating once he was gone.

I was looking for a toilet, stumbling my way around the crowded place while my bladder made it harder to walk around. 

And that’s when I felt it. The eyes on me. Like an eagle’s fixed on its prey. A sniper aiming at it’s target. I never understood when books and movies talked about this feeling until I felt it myself. My hair stood on end, the air suddenly thickening around me, my heart beat gaining pace. 

Something I could never, even in the wildest of my dreams, ever have imagined. I thought, maybe, I was making it all up, like some kind of drunken hallucination. Or that finally the terrors of Gotham had gone so up my head that I started seeing things. Things that weren’t real. Things that, at least, weren’t supposed to be.

Yet, there he was. Like a ghost. Clad in a red hoodie, staring straight at me through the dirty, fogged up glass window. The guy I thought I had seen the last of when I was still a just dumb teenager. 

Even though he stood so far away from me, I could see his gloomy semblance. His tired eyes, still bright blue as I had always remembered. But once our eyes met, all that pain and melancholy went away, as his face softened, and his eyes held the same sparkle in them as years ago. It could never be someone else, I would recognize my Robin whenever and wherever I saw him.

“Jason?” I whispered to myself, or at least I thought I had as I would later be informed I had drawn many eyes to me at that moment. But I didn’t care. He was here. It was all that mattered.

I had forgotten everything. Everyone. I stormed out of that crowded bar and ran into the streets. Into his arms. Arms that embraced me, tightly, like I was the last  good thing on this Earth. Like I was his own life, threatening to slip away at any moment. And for the first time in ages, I felt at home.

My boyfriend didn’t like the way I’d left that night. Well, my ex boyfriend. I couldn’t pull up with his shit anymore. Not with him being back.

After our embrace, Jason didn’t want to stay in the street for too long, at the time I didn’t know why, so I just went away with him. God knew where he was taking me, but I trusted him with my life like I always did. All I remember are the city lights flying past us, as we rushed through the streets hand in hand. His ever so sweet tone as we made our first stop under the lights of Old Wayne Tower. How he treated me, how he paid attention. His tender touch, his breath meeting mine, the scarred skin of his face as I caressed his cheek, and his soft lips against mine.

It was just me and him, the world getting blurry around us, reality and dreams blending together for a moment. And from then on, nothing else mattered. It was us against the world.

He took me home, or where I thought his home was then. He dragged me by the hand, swerving through the crowds, pushing through people, but never loosening his hold.

“I’m not gonna lose you again, Y/n.” he looked back to tell me, a mischievous smile playing on his lips, as I tried to fix his hold. His smile blinded me to everything else but him. He was  all I could see. Nothing else.

He led me through an alley to an abandoned diner, and dragging me inside, he took me to a secret door. I must have been too dumbfounded, mind too foggy, still too drunk, as I don’t remember our way up to his room. I just remember standing there, in the almost emptiness of the dark room, filled only with a bed and a desk, a picture of us as teenagers sitting on top of it. I was feeling uneasy, but yet safe.

“I thought you were dead.” I told him, voice cracking and tears flooding my eyes. “I went to your memorial”

“I know… I know it must all be too confusing to you.” he said, holding my face in his large hands, thumbs wiping the tears that had dared to fall down my cheeks. “You will understand. Soon. I just can’t explain it right now.”

Resting his forehead on mine, he took a moment to breathe. Breathe in my scent, breathe in the quiet. His eyes were closed, but when he opened them they bore deep into mine, not giving me a single chance to look away. Not that I would, no. I was already trapped in his gravity field, pushing me down, trapping me deeper, harder  than I would imagine.

“Do you trust me, Yn?” he asked, voice nothing more than a whisper. I could not reply, I didn’t know why. “Do I scare you? With my scars. With how I returned?”

All I did was shake my head no. I wasn’t scared. I would never be scared of Jason Todd. My Robin, my whole world, my safety net ready to catch me whenever I fall. And how I had fallen, so many times. And I had fallen again.

“Good girl.” he said, leaning down once more to give me a kiss on the nose. “Good, good girl. I knew you would never forget about me, because I never forgot about you.”

I was fifteen when I met Jason. Sad and lonely, walking down the streets of Gotham like there was nothing better in the world for me to do. And at that time, I really didn’t.

It was getting darker, the sun lowering down on the horizon. The loud music blasting in my ears, probably some angst pop punk tunes I was into back then, and still secretly listen to till this day, distracting me from my surroundings, making me feel like the only one in the world, when a loud scream took me off my dreamland.

“Didn’t you hear a thing?” asked this tall and dark haired boy. Removing one of my earplugs, and without any words, my confused eyes asked him 'what'. “That guy over there,” he pointed behind his back to a shadow taking the corner onto the next street. “… he was trying to rob you.”

I remember turning back swiftly, causing a sting of pain on my neck, and finding my backpack slightly open. Checking it out, I found nothing was missing and thanked him for the warning.

“You go down here every day, right? I’ve noticed you walking past here for a while. Always around the same time.”

“I live just a few minutes down.” I told him, not noticing the little hint at an obsession in his tone.

“Can I walk you home?” he offered, cheeks slightly tainted red. “It’s a bit dangerous around here at this time.”

“Won’t it be dangerous for you too?” I questioned innocently. Oh, silly me.

“I can handle myself around here.”

From then on, he walked me home every night. He also walked me to school, and also spent every free time we had walking aimlessly around the neighbourhood, pretending our lives were great for those few couple hours we had together. 

He became my shield from the world. My best friend. My white knight. He took my mind away from my family and how shitty they were. With him I was happy for a few moments, until he dropped me two houses from mine, so no one would see us, so my dad wouldn’t get mad, and I had to return to the rash, sad reality that was my daily life.

One morning, Jason came to pick me up, but instead of finding me at our regular spot, he found me at my door, wearing the same clothes as the day before, laying my head on my backpack, trying to shield the cold away with a single denim jacket and failing miserably as my body shivered intensely. On my lip, a deep cut, and a soft purple mark decorated my left eye.

“Y/n?” He shook my body, waking me up tenderly. “What did he do?”

His voice was the complete opposite of his touch, though,  covered in anger. He knew who had done that, he didn’t know why, but knew it wasn’t enough reason. There was never enough reason. He knew the culprit and he’d make him regret it. As much as I tried to, I couldn’t stop him, a pattern I would later find out would repeat itself countless times. He was too strong for me to push him away.

He aggressively knocked on my door, pushed my mom out of the way once she opened it, and searched the house for my father, the one person I hated the most in my life, and whom he hated just as much. He found him in his office, hitting the door closed behind him. Me and my mother didn’t know what to do. We just stood and waited, as we heard screams and the sound of things breaking inside the room. Her bruised hands holding firmly onto mine.

When the door reopened a few moments later, all I could see was Jason’s sore knuckles as he rushed out the house, pulling me by the wrist with. I didn’t know then, or perhaps I did, but that was the moment I fell in love with Jason Todd.

I wouldn’t see my dad till weeks later, when he returned home from the hospital. And that was also the last time I saw him, as he kicked me out for “hanging around with the wrong people”. My mom was devastated, but I didn't care. I was finally free.

A family friend took me in, and Jason continued to walk me home and everywhere else. He would visit me every night. We would often share my bed, as we quietly and secretly, made our love physical, real. As we made us into our reality. Up until he went away.

The first time Jason was taken from me had me broken into little pieces. I thought it would take long till I saw him again, but soon I received a letter from a police officer. 

In it, he told me he was put into a new school as part of this new troubled kids program.  For several months, I read him raving about his new school, the new opportunities, and how he finally had a chance at a brighter future.

I was happy for him, truly. But I couldn’t help the small knot forming in my throat from both jealousy and from just how much I missed him.

Until one day, he knocked on my door, ready to take me to school as we did before, just this time not on foot.

Getting used to Jason as a multi millionaire’s ward wasn’t easy, and I could sense him drifting away with each passing day. He wasn’t the same Jason I knew, even though he hadn’t changed even a bit with me. He just had a new life. A double one I came to know of one night when he climbed up my window.

His visits became regular, and as much as I felt Jason slipping away, Robin was still mine.

And then he was taken from me again. That time, for good. And I was never the same.

All those years, Gotham’s gravity field kept pulling me further and further down, as much as I tried to escape it. Jason’s words echoed in my head, but I knew I couldn’t be strong enough to break away. So I stayed in this city, working low paying jobs, getting around with the wrong kind of people. Trying to make my way through this tumultuous situation that never seemed to get better.

But now, laying naked in Jason’s room, covered only by the thin cotton sheets of his bed, feeling sore and exhausted, feeling cared for and complete, a whole new sense of belonging, of excitement and hope filled me to the brim. I felt unstoppable beside him, like everything would finally settle into place, allowing me to quit this gravity field for good.

Gotham’s gravity is strong, but Jason’s is a lot stronger. And I would learn it the hard way.

.

taglist: @igotanidea

[miapcain]

Hi! I found your blog just recently and I love the Vesnaposting - the art, the comics, the gifs from the game, all of it. I've got so many questions:

How did you got yourself interested in this time period? Why Bohemia? Where exactly could the castle be found? Do you plan to connect your story with some "greater events" from that time? Will your OCs travel a bit?

Please, continue with all of this. It looks great and I would also love to play the game one day!

Thank you very much for the questions! I love getting intricate and thought out things to answer, and I'm humbled you like it!

I've been a sort of amateur medievalist for a while now- I can't point specifically to when it started, but it might have been reading Pillars of the Earth as a teenager, or finding out that the town I grew up in had an important courthouse that was closed in the 1300s- that's a scale of time that overwhelmed me then, and still makes me feel a deal of frisson now. The 1200s specifically sit at an intersection of really cool stuff in central europe- it's right before Franziscanism spreads and shakes up the monastic system, Waldensian heretics were prefiguring how the church would later fracture (I feel they resemble specifically the czech utraquists in some of their stylings and beliefs), and the Pope was in open conflict with the holy roman emperor; On the political side, Friedrich II was nearing the end of his reign, and his death would lead to the interregnum, where the empire is effectively without an emperor for years on end; The Popponer dynasty is about to crumble in Austria, and the Lion of Prague Ottokar II Přemýsl is about to add all of Austria to the Bohemian Kingdom, interrupting the ongoing Ostsiedlung (German Eastern Colonization, for those who don't know), all to the backdrop of endless failing crusades. It's just before the Habsburgs gain greater relevance and europe slides into the rennaissance, in my mind putting an end to the "proper" middle ages.

I've been curious about Czechia for a long time; I was too young to really notice when the country joined the EU, but even years later, I remember grumbling that they were going to "ruin" us, by flooding our country with cheap labour or products or somesuch. It's always struck me as odd. That energy ended up getting redirected towards migrants from the near east in the 2010s, but it's stuck with me; Here's a country Austria has, in some form or another, struggled with for centuries, dominated terribly through to the very end of our wretched pitiful attempt at an 'empire,' tried to keep chunks of as recently as 100 years ago, and yet I didn't learn so much as a single thing about it in school. Austrian schooling is dead set on not mentioning a single thing between about 1500 to 1933 (and even then, we often gloss over just *how* enthusiastic a lot of austria was to participate in the holocaust and become part of germany- or how no real denazification took place after the war), and obviously reading any history at all immediately got me hooked on finding out more. History aside, I love the bohemian massif dearly; the rolling hills, deep shadowy forests, little brooks, misty autumns, distant alps, it's one of my favourite regions on earth; I grew up in southern upper austria, but studied near Freistadt, which is where I gathered a lot of reference material for Vesna.

The castle doesn't have an official location, but there is a general area: "north of Freistadt, east of Rožmberk." Here are some rough indications on a modern Vesna era map, a rennaissance map, and google maps:

4. Not to spoil anything, but yes- Franzesca's father, a Bavarian, is a true believer in the "stupor mundi" Frederick II, and the need to "germanize" the backward slavic populations of Bohemia; He detests Saint Václav and forbids castle servants from speaking czech. The timing of the events of Vesna is chosen very specifically to be ironic in this regard- but you'll see when we get there :P

5. Yes, at the very least you will get to see Vesna and friends in the Machlant, Rožmberk and Linz. Franzesca will travel to her family home of Innsbruck and to Normandy, and it's likely more will happen, depending on where the story goes.

Thank you again for the questions! I hope to be working on Vesna for a long time, if it stays interesting :)

[canyousonicme]

Q&A with Alex Kingston, who plays Sheila Bellowes on Steven Moffat's upcoming ITV black comedy, "Douglas Is Cancelled"

(Air date: 27 June, 2024)

What appealed to you about Douglas Is Cancelled?

I'd say what appealed first of all was that the piece was written by Steven Moffat. I would do anything that Steven wrote because he's just such a brilliant writer.

The characters he creates are such a delight to play. I've had that experience of working with him on Doctor Who. It was just a joy to read the script. I laughed out loud. I even cried with laughter in some places. It's so superbly written.

Were you also taken by the idea of playing opposite Hugh?

Absolutely. Oh my gosh, Hugh and I have worked together many times over the years. We go way back to literally when we were teenagers. And so, I was definitely attracted by the opportunity of working with Hugh again. We already have that shorthand between us. That relationship doesn't need even to be acted because we know each other so well and are so comfortable in each other's presence. It's not a new person who I've got to get to know, so that married relationship was already a given. I was thrilled to have the chance to do that.

How would you describe Sheila?

She is amoral, she is ruthless. But I'm assuming that's what the paper wants. I'm also guessing that in the world these sorts of people inhabit, in order to get a good story, they have to be prepared to throw even their best friends under the bus. To be in that position as the editor of a national newspaper, you've got to be not only incredibly ambitious, but also, I would imagine, highly-strung because you are carrying a lot of responsibility on your shoulders. It's just a joy to play somebody who's so on the front foot. Sheila is also really inappropriate. That's what's so great about the script because all the characters behave inappropriately in a world where we're supposed not to anymore. I don't feel like I'm that sort of person at all, which is why it was great fun to play!

How would you summarise the relationship between Sheila and Douglas?

I would definitely say that she wears the trousers in the household. What's so interesting is that they are this high-powered celebrity couple at the start of the story. He is the nation's favourite news broadcaster, and she's this very, very successful editor of a hugely popular newspaper. But I rather like the scene that Steven wrote for them where they are on holiday because that shows a little bit more of who they are as a family before all the stuff hits the fan. They are a unit, and they love each other. But it is an unusual marriage. She is very strong, and he just allows her to be like that. If Douglas was a similar personality to Sheila, the marriage wouldn't ever have lasted. But he just lets her sail on forward, and he's in her slipstream being dragged along.

How does Sheila get on with her daughter?

The relationship she has with her daughter Claudia is much more volatile because her daughter is actually a bit more like Sheila. She's got a bit more fight in her. In a way, Sheila is terrorised by her daughter as she can't hold her daughter down. Also, Sheila doesn't understand young people and all these words like "boomer" that drop out of their mouths. For Sheila, it's just so frustrating. She thinks, "Who is this person we brought into the world who seems like a creature from another planet?"

The drama has lots of very topical things to say about cancel culture.

Yes. It's really interesting because Steven originally conceived this as a stage play several years ago. That's what I found so brilliant and so prescient about it. Steven was working on this way before all the recent scandals involving popular broadcasters. Obviously, cancel culture was already swirling around then, but I feel like Steven has the courage to put the conversation on the table in a way that is super important. But he does it in a darkly comic way, which allows people watching to laugh, but hopefully also to be able to have conversations and ask questions such as, "Where are we going with this? And how dangerous is this becoming?"

What do you hope audiences might take away from Douglas Is Cancelled?

I hope people will be a little bit more thoughtful and a little bit more careful about how they treat people or what they say about people. We need to be more conscious and kinder and aware of other people's feelings and how they wish to be perceived in life. But I think some men of my generation struggle with having to make those changes. I certainly remember sitting in the pub as a young person and hearing jokes about women that were awful. Men would safely say horrendous stuff. But that's just how it was, and you just had to suck it up. But men cannot behave like that anymore. I think there are still elements of our generation that struggle to remember to be a little bit more thoughtful before they say something. That's not out of malice. It's because they're still trying to learn the new rules of the world.

After many years working together on Doctor Who, how did you find it being reunited with Karen?

It was a real joy. It was great just spending time with her. It was very funny because she played my mother in Doctor Who. So it was really lovely to do something different with Karen, and for us both to explore this new relationship together. In Douglas Is Cancelled, there is one big scene that we have together in the toilet. They're these two alpha females who are prowling around each other, and they both absolutely know each other's game.

Did all the cast get to hang out together on set as well?

Yes. When everybody came together for the grand finale, we ended up sitting in the studio control room between scenes, all just chatting, reminiscing, sharing, messing around. Working on Douglas Is Cancelled was just a lovely, lovely, lovely experience.

[anghraine]

this is entirely unprompted on your end, but i love your darcy and faramir takes and wanted to get your opinion on aragorn/faramir as a ship.

i'm salivating over it and nobody. cares. but i just love how it can show the possibilities of book faramir being a "threat" to aragorn's kingship in a way that nobody else is...how they can relate through their shared ancestry but the entirely different ways it impacted them in their respective lives - something about aragorn being the heir of isildur, growing up surrounded by elves, arnor. something about faramir being distinctly aware of the legacy of the stewards, his numenorean heritage and how it's fading away in the world of men, gondor (my fav world in lotr, you are so under-appreciated, gondor.) i personally adhere to the stewards-were-most-likely-also-royalty headcanon because of that extra juicy tension. throw in the i-knew-your-father-as-a-young-man aspect, the whole steward-quite-literally-serving-in-wait-of-the-true-king aspect? it's everything.

i dunno. the natural cause and effect of "return of the king" & "departure of the steward" is so interesting to play with in a romantic context, especially if it keeps both of them in the limelight when naturally, it should only be one of them? i think it's the aragorn ship that pushes his character and ambition the most, and in the same way, it can push faramir to show more machiavellian traits, more of him utilizing his political power and/or personal strengths. especially since his canonical fate is extremely satisfying but also...very conclusively an *ending* if that makes sense.

i might just want to see faramir clashing with aragorn wanting to wage more war. let him cook! let the man speak about "queen among other queens: not a mistress of many slaves"!!!!

also must admit that it's my contrarian ass wanting to rebel against the fanon "aragorn never ever wanted to be king" + "faramir is a pathetic meow meow" headcanons. the existing faramir x aragorn fics i've read all adhere to it which is frustrating.

anyways, any thoughts on this ship i randomly latched on to?

Anon, this is my #1 Tolkien ship and actually one of the only m/m ships I've ever been super into. I used to guiltily sneak-read Aragorn/Faramir as a teenager because I grew up in a conservative community and hadn't come to terms with my own queerness at the time, and was still figuring out how to get by in that community just as a Democrat, much less a lesbian.

Anyway, I got a huge kick out of your ask because it's basically point-for-point my own feelings about them. If you haven't seen it, I even wrote a ship manifesto for them over ten years ago.

And unfortunately I do also agree that the (very PJ film-inflected) fanons around both characters have made it very difficult to find fic for the ship that isn't deeply OOC for the original versions of the characters (tbh the last time I looked, it was hard enough to even find F/A fics where Faramir had black hair, much less his deeper canon characteristics). Add in the fanon depictions of Gondor and the Stewardship, and a lot of what appeals about the pairing is lost for me. I read some good ones a longggg time ago, but wouldn't begin to know where to find them now.

(I know I should be the change I want to see and write some myself, but apart from the AU f/f and m/f/f versions, I think the closest I ever came to it was this post about a mostly-the-same-as-LOTR AU only with Faramir/Aragorn and this feeling explosion about "Faramir actually does accepts the dream-visions obviously intending him to be the one going to Rivendell but also it's Faramir/Aragorn.")

And if you haven't found it yet, my ship tag is #otp: love was kindled.

I hope you enjoy <3

[maochira]

"Now we're throwing paper planes into the sky, knowing they will crash and burn."

Tags: middle sibling Itoshi!gn!reader, angst, hurt no comfort, listen to this song while reading for the extra pain❤️, all characters are in their early-mid 20s, reader isn't a soccer player

I recommend reading part 1 and part 2 first

Requests open. Itoshi sibling masterlist and regular masterlist

It's something they should have noticed earlier. Really, way earlier.

And when the reality hit them, they knew it was their fault.

All of you have moved out of your parents' home by now. You were the last one to do so, that was two years ago. You can count on one hand how many times you've seen your brothers in this time, while you can't even count the times you thought of your brothers and missed them, the times you've attempted to reach out, and the times they've ignored you.

Whenever you met them, it was either all about soccer or you would get treated as if you were still a young teenager. Even by Rin. Rin, who is a year younger than you. And Sae, who treated Rin appropriately for his age, but treated you so differently.

You even tried addressing your problems to them, but they'd either ignore you or talked you down in the "We're your brothers, we know what's best for you"-way.

Their behaviour, and the way they treated, ignored and abandoned you, but especially their ignorance, all of those things are what made you realize you should stop reaching out to them, for the sake of your own mental health. And as much as it hurt you, it's exactly what you did. It was painful, but it would be worth sparing you the ongoing pain of being ignored or treated like a teenager all the time.

As time passed on, you found joy in other things in life, making you forget about your brothers most of the time. But when you did think about them, you would always hopelessly wonder if they will ever notice the way they treated you was wrong.

And then, they did realize.

It was Sae's birthday party. He had invited you, but not Rin, due to their still ongoing rivalry. But when you didn't come, Sae started texting and calling you over and over. But you ignored all the calls and texts. Until you've had enough and straight up blocked him.

Something about this flipped a switch in Sae's brain. As he saw his chat history with you on his phone, he saw all the messages he left unanswered. It made his mind travel to the last few times he met you and how annoyed you were at some of the things he said towards you.

And then he remembered that one time you tried telling him how uncomfortable you were with the way he treated you.

At his realization, he called Rin, which he usually never did. Even in their early adulthood, their rivalry was still going on. But this was so important, he just had to talk to Rin about it.

Rin was confused why Sae would call him, but picked up anyways. When he heard Sae's reason for calling him, his heart almost dropped.

Because it was Sae's birthday party, they didn't get to talk for long. But they did on the next day. But Sae didn't get to properly enjoy the party anyways.

The next day, Sae and Rin had a long phone call in the afternoon, only talking about you. They don't remember ever having a conversation as serious as this one.

And the realization of how wrongly they treated you is painful for both of them. They might still have their rivalry going on, but you're their sibling, and they want to fix what they've caused.

But you're unresponsive to all their calls and messages.

Did they really lose you?