#sofia needs a hug and therapy

[amuletbearer]

Sofia looked down a small pensive frown from the young upbeat princess adorned her features truth be told she hadn’t had time to read books like before nowadays it made her sad and a bit lost sometimes sighing softly at the ground.

“I need a break belle from just everything you know a day just to focus on Sofia no responsibility just relaxation and peace although if you have any recommendations on books I’m open to hear about them maybe it’ll brighten my day.”

" well hello there , little princess ! it's been some time since we last spoke. have you read any good books lately ? "

starter for: @amuletbearer

[yanderemystic]

sofia falcone yandere headcanons pretty pls????

— Sofia’s traits: Manipulative, paranoid, possessive.

Sofia has suffered so much. Damaged bits sticking to her skin—biting anyone who deemed too close, except for you. Somehow, you were able to get her collected. Snuck into her heart when she needed someone the most; when trust was given the most, and now she can’t let go of you.

For a potential relationship with her, she uses those around you as a springboard. Everything is terrible all of a sudden; even if everything was great before, you and Sofia became even closer.

Sofia points out every mistreatment. Anything in the past to the current issues. The changes in behavior, canceled dates, and sudden constant avoidance. Sofia reassures you that it isn’t your fault. It’s them. You can’t trust them, at least not anymore. The two of you belong to each other savagely, requiring each other in more ways than them. 

Her favorite thing in the entire world is hearing you talk. Even in a room full of people, she could recognize yours best. When eating out, she hums toward you—acknowledging what you’re saying, but she ends up lost anyway. She enjoys your conversations, even if she isn’t very knowledgeable about the topic. Focusing on how your tongue moves, teeth whistling, and how your voice croons between sentences.

Opening about her past is gut-wrenching—the constant betrayals and the terrifying fear of abandonment scare her. But she works on it for you. Allowing you to visit her therapy sessions, she slowly opens up about her scars and how each one has a thick memory connected to it. Her eyes watch you closely when you touch them, fingers dragging along the rugged edges. She expects pain but gains an addicted love for your soft touch.

She is constantly touching you. Despite her private demeanor, she's very clingy. Constantly having her arm interlocked with yours, keeping you skin-close. Her lips are always chasing yours, droning you in if you are too slow for her liking. Hands interlocked with an iron grasp, and deep hugs that are met with inhaled neck kisses. Her nails endlessly drag against your skin, chuckling when you get goosebumps. 

Loyalty is very important to her. Sofia expects you to keep her updated on your day, change of schedule, or your list of friends. Call her after work and before bed. Tell her all about the dates and what you did during the time she’s gone. If she suspects lies, a sense of breaching trust, she becomes demented.

She hates being violently jealous, but she needs you to realize strangers are parasites. If she senses they are a threat, she acts on it. Despises when people are too close to you, make you smile, or even laugh. The enormity of her possessiveness is dangerous. Sofia will test limits, leaving thick blotches of lipstick to show others, and if that isn’t enough, possibly a dead body will be shown of how crazy she is for you.

But, assuming time will only tell, it’s better to keep her distracted and collected—helping her with the urged warnings. Reassuring her and keeping promises. Nosing the area between your neck and shoulder, relishing your weighted body on top of hers. Your heart is what she craves. The sound of your lub-dub is a lullaby, keeping her very grounded. 

Once embarking as her romantic partner, Sofia will be sleeping with you permanently. Your apartment is now both yours, and sometimes you'll wake up with her beside you; originally going to bed without her. She sticks to your flesh—cold hands interlocking each other around your lower stomach, nails intending your flesh, squeezing when she feels you slightly move. She keeps you in bed with fleeting kisses until you have to absolutely leave.

Sofia adores how you smell. An odd adoration, but she can’t help it. Your smell helps her more than anything. Constantly complimenting you that you smell wonderful, even if you hadn’t showered. She’s not sure why she loves your scent so much, but it’s like an addiction. Your t-shirts, hoodies, even bras are shared—constantly pulling up your shirts, and inhaling. Goosebumps crawling underneath her skin, thrusting her heart faster, and just edging her to near ecstasy. Makes her nerves clench close, and bones go numb. 

So sorry this request came out late, I had some family emergency. Although, I had fun writing this! Requests are still open ♡

[inthelibrarybtw]

obx season 4 spoiler - rafe talk

prepare yourselves for an essay, the man didn't even call her his girlfriend but proposed? rude but i'll take it, HIS MOM'S RING give me more backstory, like if the ring is there and how he said it she died, i don't think rafe would give someone the ring if she just left them you know what i mean?

also for everyone saying like they can get back together i mean yes they can but ONE thing rafe hates is feeling used, overlooked and betrayed, we saw how he was s2 and s3 with HIS SISTER because he felt betrayed and its SARAH like his blood and i don't think he's gonna be like all fine whatever with sofia who as of now we've seen like 5 times on screen. like i do love how they look but still i don't think he has it in him to just forget all that in a heartbeat

if they are doing that to make riara happen im gone, like i feel it and sense it and i hate it, they suck (as in the writers or producers idk idc) on foreshadowing like with the whole sarah being pregnant IT WAS SERVED in a freaking plate before it was actually confirmed so don't do riara for a fanservice

i don't think rafe will ever go to jail, maybe he will have to pay for some stuff since he did tell shoupe he was gonna tell him the truth but honestly atp sending rafe to jail would be one a mistake because he can get out easily and it would be for nothing and two like it would mess up more the whole arc they are doing for him right now. i do believe him accepting and literally saying out loud "im a killer" is such a change and shows he's aware of what he has done bc it was not just peterkin but the way he said it, he's not proud but like he knew that he was capable of doing things the other guys were also capable of and that just like gave him the confidence to go at them and not be scared of them like he was before

i do believe rafe doesn't need a love interest to change, he needed sarah back in his life, like forgiving him and letting him into her life again, like the pain every time he saw sarah after s1 it was like yes he was mad at her but also hurt, i've said this a thousand times but i can talk about their sibling dynamic and relationship for DAYS. What i think rafe need is a family, like actual family dynamic, therapy and just work things out with sarah to heal and actually have his whole redemption arc bc we can see his face when sarah hugged him, he NEEDED that

throwing sofia out just like it was nothing i was shocked like didn't you love her? but anyways i stand for rafe not getting a love interest, you can get a good storyline all focused on family and i think it would be 100% more interesting than rofia im sorry again i do like them together just a bit forced like they NEEDED rafe to have someone

i do love that we got to see another side of him buuuut it would've been nice to have more story on how they met how the relationship evolved and not just putting them there and that's it, maybe that's why im like yeah i love them but if they take them away and never bring them back together i can live

[ka-zu-li]

Had a wonderful day so far

Stayed in bed until 10am, went to 2 exhibitions (one about tarot, other had a really cool instalation and video from a brazilian choreographer), then bought a croissant and went to reina sofia's square to look at people, continued walking to castellana, stopped in front of the botanical garden, entered thyssen, bought a book marker w a painting of gauguin, continued to gran via, entered h&m and bought a bunch of basics i needed, passed chueca and decided to go visit my friend at the shop she works in alonso martinez, stopped by a cafe to buy some coffee for both of us and surprised her there. We talked everytime there was no customers mostly about my last therapy session and tried on things from the shop. Said goodbye, hugged her and felt warm inside. Then strolled back home listening to music trying to get some sun and felt like myself also good in the clothes i was wearing. Got home tried everything i bought on, ate pasta, feeling cosy and thinking about making myself some coffee before tidying a bit and just let this grey day unfold. Mmmmm

[daincrediblegg]

for the fandom thing: the terror and/or chernobyl (depending on if you've received either of these already)

oh boy get ready:

FOR THE TERROR (in which I'm certain my answers will be very predictable and basic but it's fine we move):

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most) It's Francis. You know it's Francis. I know it's Francis. It's Francis.

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped) Again Francis BUT!!!! Jop also does make me want to pinch his cheeks like an italian grandmother. Little also brings out this instinct in me and I would were it not for his huge mutton chops getting in the way.

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave) Blanky probably. Like listen to me he is everything. In all honesty might be the realest dude on these two ships and I applaud him for his level-headedness while also acting like a mad bastard. My fucking king man.

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week) Probably Tozer if I'm honest. He's just a little manlet to me.

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave) James. He got a little lost in the imperialism sauce in an effort to rise above his shameful birth but he's working on it and doing his best.

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason) oddly enough it's Sofia. I'm not a jealous girlfriend I'm not. But she's kindof a dick to Francis (moreso in the book than in the show- and there's some interesting character work in there that I do enjoy that I think makes her a great character). but there's something to be said for how her choices are informed (both family pressure and appearances- even though I do believe she really likes francis but these things clearly outweigh any actual affection and that's a stupid decision to make for me). So like her. Also Lady Jane a little. The whole Franklin Family I would like to torment. Also it is unfortunately really fun to torment Francis and make him feel feelings with lady terror it has to be said.

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell) Hickey. it will always be hickey. Every time @trantors and I come up with a new au, we discuss briefly what stupid shit Hickey gets up to and fails horribly at and how he will inevitably perish under the circumstances. It is right it is correct and it is good for the little rat bitch.

CHERNOBYL:

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most) VALERA MOYA OHHHHHHHH I FUCKING LOVE THAT MAN the sweetest man on television. I need to give him a hug and a blowjob. I need to hold him sweetly and gently and give him the best orgasm he's ever had. I just need to love him. I always forget how much until I look at him but I do.

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped) Again it's Valery and no one else like really the man is the cutest thing on the planet I'm never going to be over it.

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave) Ulana Khomyuk! She's a bitch she's a boss I love her she is so smart and so important and she's just everything.

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week) God there are honestly a few of these because the background characters are such a great feature of this show but like. Vasily Ignatenko, Toptunov, Akimov, Yuvchenko, General Pikalov and General Tarakanov. those sure are some guys, I tell you. (oh and the miner guy. every time I mention him on the discord everyone demands I rewind to where he has his whole dick and ass out and it's really beautiful I gotta say)

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave) Going with Bacho (the "don't let the animals suffer" guy) he's a massive prick and maybe needs to go to therapy (a LOT of it) but he's interesting to me. also he played leo in a way out and is the director of that game's brother and he was my main when I played that and now every time I see him in anything I scream about it a little.

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason) Anatoly Dyatlov. that man deserves superhell too but like I definitely would want him tortured a lot more than he was for what he did first you feel me?

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell) fucking. Charkov. The fucking prick.

[orthoispassion]

Callie figured being honest with Arizona now, it was the best thing to do right now. She could tell Arizona was struggling and not sure if Callie was going to stay again since she left the first time. That she left the last time when things go hard, as Arizona wanted her to stay. But Callie, she was different. She was more herself and that therapy really helped her. She was the Callie she was before everything happened and she can tell Arizona was the same. She was working on herself again and Callie loved seeing this side of Arizona again because it has been so long since she has.

But the one thing that Callie’s therapist told her to confront was the yelling Arizona did to her. Maybe it was something Callie needed to really just move forward more because she knows what she wants. She wants to be with Arizona and have the family they have always wanted with Sofia. “Hey, it is okay. I just wanted to know why. I know you were mad at me thinking I did it. I couldn’t blame you, but the thing is, I loved you more then life itself and that alone doesn’t go away. I still do but know we have things to work through, but i am here, and there is more I want to talk about, and we will, just come here.”

She opens her arms and lets Arizona knows she wants to hug her and just let her know she was there to listen when she needed it.

Today was the day that @orthoispassion was going to be returning back to Seattle. Their relationship had crumbled before, and even lead to Callie moving to New York with another woman. However, that ended and the two began talking again and they had ironed out all their problems from before so that they had a clean sheet.

It just so happened that today was the day that Arizona accidentally handed out weed cookies to many of her fellow staff by accident. After she had spoken to Meredith, Arizona quickly scampered out of the room and went on a mission to pass it on what had happened.

[rwbyangst12]

Growing up is realising that Sofia was just an 8 year old girl who had too many responsibilities and was pressured by adults to save her new family and a kingdom and realm she now has to take care of and protect and people have high expectations of her, and that she was never given any real time to grieve her missing (most likely dead) father who only passed away like a year before her mother's remarriage and she is a child with trauma and doesn't want to bother people with it or tell anyone her secrets because they might put her in danger. She is a prodigy in just about everything she tries and isn't used to the idea of failling or not getting the hang of things quickly.

Sofia is also constantly betting her own life or being forced to negotiate the lives of her family since she was 8. She was betrayed by 4 adults, 3 of which were her teachers and and 3 of them are redeemed. She watched two people be murdered and a man waste his life away. Her brother being distressed and angry because he wasted his childhood preparing for a position he was never going to get because their grandmother and aunt lied. She watched the reason the twins were born and the queen was killed. Has been trapped in the middle of no where multiple times. Her sister stole her amulet. She saved the world multiple times. And her friends were toxic to her for being better than them at a game and trying to help a girl out. Was tricked by Cedric into cursing the entire kingdom to sleep. Is very protective and suspicious to anyone who even looks at the Amulet. Was given a position that constantly puts her life in danger and told to protect an entire realm filled with like 50 kingdoms. Must watch or read peoples lives no matter how gory in order to give them an ending weather it's sad or happy as long as it's an ending. Is blamed if things go wrong because of an adult. Isn't believed even if she's right. And none of the adults listen to her and always underestimate her.

This child needs a hug, therapy, sleep, and should just go play Dazzle all, Flyer Derby, or Ice dancing, go back to the Buttercup scouts, do her homework, practice magic, and play with her animals.

[nyikondlovu]

Been seeing a lot of completely wrong information about my himbo son Richard Bowen, Rina and the dynamic he has with Gina and EJ so let’s clear up the air.

Hold my hand, walk with me those without media literacy:

“He only wants Gina now that she’s taken“ false, looking back on S1 and S2 you can see how much Gina has always meant to him whether you wanna view with as platonic or romantic it doesn’t take away from the fact that he does care for Gina. him having romantic feelings or admitting them out loud is just a natural progression from the feelings. and it’s backed up by the fact that Tim writes Ricky/Joshua and Gina/Sofia scenes because of their chemistry. He wouldn’t have a ship he likes not care about each other.

“Ricky jumps from relationship to relationship“ again that’s not true he dated Nini. they took a break, Nini started dating EJ then he got involved in the EJ and Nini relationship and started dating her again. he went out with Lily once or twice but as far as we know they weren’t dating. he’s had ONE relationship and one almost relationship, he’s not jumping from relationship to relationship.

“He needs to be single for a while and go to therapy“ did you know you can go to therapy while in a relationship? I know it’s crazy! it’s crazy! Ricky‘s biggest problem was with change thats what caused his relationship with Nini to falter, he wouldn’t accept change. he’s begun to accept it now so in that aspect of relationships he would do fine because he’s begun to accept that relationships and people change. he could get therapy for other things but you don’t have to be single to go to therapy

“He’s getting in the middle of Gina and EJ“ where? Episode one he shows up for a second and he goes “group hug?” Being the goofy Ricky we know.

Episode two, he and Gina repair their friendship, is he getting in the middle of anything there? No.

Episode three they get lost in the woods they weren’t running off together. Everyone knew where they were going, they invited EJ! they just happened to get lost, he didn’t try to put any moves on her he was just being friendly because he was respecting her relationship.

Episode four, he was jealous however he never let that blind him, he understands that Gina is in a relationship and he is not trying to get in the middle of it, season one Ricky was already in the middle of EJ and Nini‘s relationship this seasons Ricky is mature enough to put Gina‘s needs first.

Episode five, The only time he lets slip how he feels about Gina is when they’re singing and even then he doesn’t tell her. when she leaves after it gets too intense he apologizes to her because he feels he made her uncomfortable, he doesn’t want to get in the middle of the relationship really he wants what’s best for her he told Jet “Gina is my friend, I want what’s best for her“ the only reason Ricky‘s feelings were out is because he was confiding in his friend Carlos.

Ricky is literally not getting in the middle of anyone’s relationship: EJ and his secrets? THAT could be a problem in the relationship; EJ not remembering that Gina is in her first relationship? THAT could be a problem; EJ not remembering that Gina is putting down roots for the first time? THAT could be a problem; EJ’s jealousy about Ricky and Gina‘s friendship? THAT could be a problem.

However Ricky? Ricky is not instigating anything nor is he actively fighting ‘for’ Gina he’s just there to support her as her friend, to help her shine as her leading man and just enjoy summer with his friends after a shitty year.

I guess y’all will have to find some other lame excuse not to ship them because in one episode Ricky shut down the ‘Rina was one-sided’ allegations.

Anyway go stream What Do You Know About Love on YouTube, on Spotify and on Apple Music.

Ricky pining and crying over Gina next episode and Rina endgame incoming 🫶🏾

[ofibreakbones]

Choices in life that set the course of our life. Callie knew it was a love story when she met Arizona. When she fell completely for her. Our marriage was supposed to be forever. We were supposed to grow old with our girls. But the picture perfect future is never want it seems. Callie knew it was easy to blame her; for hurting me, for hurting us. But maybe Callie was too attentive, too involved in a crush she never experienced. She only ever wanted to help Arizona, to make her feel loved and desired after the plane. That was the screw up because Arizona didn’t love me enough, she rather make mistakes than to scream it out with each other. And now suddenly we lost each other; we had two girls that adored each other. Wanted a relationship but it was my turn to own up to my own mistakes. 

That night; our last night together it wasn’t planned. Callie didn’t know it was the last time until she woke up. Until it dawned on her; until she felt that persistent ache in her chest, until she felt the tears that welled up in her eyes. And when she walked into that therapy room, when she listened to the love in Arizona’s voice she felt guilty. Guilty for saying the words suffocating, for feeling like she had no energy left to give. Callie wasn’t selfish that day; it was hard to walk out; to move on. No one compared to the blonde. No one compared to love I once felt, the need to be loved especially with the memory of Arizona. And New York was a safe place, a place to start over. It wasn’t about Penny; it was about myself, the need to find my voice again, the passion I felt I lost. And Sofia she loved her sister; but I was the why we barely saw Annalyn and I did feel guilty now, that we found ourselves in Seattle close to the house; the home that was once ours. 

Annalyn was a surprise, I had never known until it was too late. Would I have kept our marriage afloat if I had known? I don’t know, I felt a sense of responsibility to keep our family together, but at the same time it wouldn’t of been healthy for us to stay married out of obligation, not out of love. And did I love Arizona? Yes to this day; but we also grew up; and now I wanted to make amends, I wanted to be the women I missed which was a great mother; a friend to Arizona, a connection that never left either of us. 

But being here at this house; the door was brown just like I remembered, and in moments I’d be coming face to face with Arizona after what felt like a century to me. Her voice made my skin curl, I could only imagine what i’d feel when I saw her face, I debated us staying at a hotel, was it a good idea? I had no idea, I wanted to show up for our daughter; to help her through this struggle, her broken bones, her arm, I reminded myself I wanted to do better. As I heard the clicking of a lock turning I braced myself. The bubbly blonde in view, she smiled that dimpled smile of hers that always left me breathless. And I had hold my breath as I watched Sofia and her mother hug before our oldest was jumping into the house. “ Arizona.. It’s good to see you.’ I aired out politely knowing it was awkward as I rolled our bags into the house, Tilting my head over my shoulder offering a smile. “ I can bring it upstairs if you want, I do remember the spare room..” The room that was our last time; our last touches, a kiss that made my toes curl shaking my head I watch Sofia as she made her way to the kitchen as if that girl never left. 

Continued storyline with @ofibreakbones

The hurt caused by someone you put all faith in doesn’t just disappear. Arizona knows she isn’t innocent either being she has hurt Callie in more ways then one. But the one thing she didn’t think would happen was the fact that Callie would blindside her and walk away from their marriage. Walk away from everything they have built together. Maybe it was fractured once they have done somethings and Arizona did something, but it didn’t mean Arizona wanted it to be given up. She loves Callie, always has and always will which is what made it hard. 

But it also made it hard to know that Callie had given up calling Annalyn. She knew it was hard for the younger blonde. She could tell things were different but Arizona had tried to cover for Callie, but eventually it gets really hard and it gets to the point where it just doesn’t work anymore. Sofia and Annalyn had a bond that she had with Timothy and she loved that. She loved to see the both of them video calling and just talking all the time. It was something that she wouldn’t have given up for anything at this point. That alone made this all worth it. But things with Callie still lingered for her and she just needed to move on the best she could. 

But Arizona didn’t want to make this about her. She wanted to make it more about the girls and how Annalyn needs Callie and Arizona can only do so much if Callie doesn’t try. “She needs you Callie. She has wondered why Sofia gets all of you and she gets nothing. I don’t know what else I can say to her Callie. I have tried and I am not blaming you and I am not blaming myself for anything, but we just need to at least try for the two of them. Annalyn deserves to know the you that I knew and the you that Sofia knows. I think she deserves that, don’t you think?” Arizona was just wanting Callie tor really just think about it and the two of them can move forward and Annalyn can get the Callie that Arizona knows she can be and she knew the younger blonde deserved it and she was doing all she could to make sure she had that. 

This was the only time that they have really talked and now Arizona was just hoping that they can start out right and make things happen with one another and for the girls. Arizona wanted Callie’s opinion on Annalyn’s arm sos he sent over the scans and not expecting a text from the brunette, but has she felt her phone buzz she sees Callie’s name and she reads the text. She only waited because she didn’t think Callie would have been interested. Plus she didn’t know how Annalyn would feel if she was showing Callie everything. [Text: Callie] “I just didn’t think you would have cared Callie. It has been weird for you and her. I want you here but didn’t think I had a right to send that if you didn’t want it. Just let me me work out something and her and I can come and get you.”

Pausing for a moment before typing again. “Let Sofia and Annalyn stay together. I have a spare room for you as well if you want to stay there. I am trying Callie, and that is all I ask from you. I want you to try too. So, we will do this, I don’t know if you’ll have wifi on the plane, but I will text you and let you know if we will be there or not. See you tomorrow Callie and thank you for bringing Sofia. I can’t wait to see her and I can’t wait to see you.”

Hitting send and Arizona put her phone down hoping they can all work through all of this and be a family for the first time in so long by the sounds of it. She doesn’t know how smoothly it will go, but this was a start something she felt Annalyn needed to get to know Callie.

[chibivesicle]

Golden Kamuy - Kikuta deserved better - 273-276

As I catch up on things, I’m gonna hit the highlights that really stuck with me.  Ogata is able to escape from Vasily using the tactics he observed from the showdown in Barato with Hijikata cutting through random row houses.  He’s seriously gotten into Vasily’s head as he hesitated to snipe aggressively after killing the wrong guy with Ogata’s cloak.

The only worthwhile thing from this continued and seriously a no longer interesting plot point, is getting to see Ogata wiggle under a fence like a cat.

So, I approve of this at least.  My own cat scores this as an 8/10 in cat wiggling.  Minus 2 points for not enough emotion from Ogata’s face.

Thankfully, Asirpa was able to escape with Sofia after Tsukishima gunned down Ariko.  It seemed to me that Koito froze/hesitated during that situation.  Tsukishima had no problem brutally shooting Ariko at point blank while Koito literally just hung back and watched. 

Asirpa is in a state of extreme shock. She just interrogated by Tsurumi to give up the code, watched Ariko be shot and now sees Boutarou’s corpse in the bottle-mobile.  Our girl needs years of therapy - she’s reaching the same level as our male cast members at this rate.

At least she breaks down in tears as Sugimoto tries to console her.  The artwork for this part of the page is excellent, it really does capture the melting of her mind and how she’s realizing how deadly the gold is.

It ties directly back to her argument with Kikuta before all this shit went down.  I’m always giving Sugimoto crap for being a moron, but it seems that he did make the right action by reaching out to allow her to hug his arm.  There is that soft look as he gazes down at her and just lets her be emotional.  It is clear that his presence is a comfort to her as she takes her time before returning to a more lucid mental state.  This is shown by how she opens her eyes and looks up before declaring that they need to meet up with Hijikata since she’s figured out how to crack the code.

Meanwhile, Kikuta rushed Ariko to a clinic to save his life.  Being the father figure/older brother he is, he tells him that it isn’t his time to die; he never made that makiri yet! And to my relief, Ariko wakes up!  Noda didn’t go for the lazy writing of killing of the minor Ainu character, something I was afraid of.

If his father saved him, it means his makiri was where he was shot in the chest under his uniform.  There is a lovely transition about a makiri in a fictional museum that was made by him, implying that he returned home and did make the makiri and likely resolved some of his identity issues, though it was still likely a tough life for him.  Ariko apologies for not being able to work as a spy for Central and really it isn’t like he’d be able to do so anyways.  But he did verbally point out he’s now politically on the side of someone like Asirpa to fight for their culture and right to exist in spite of colonial powers. The middle panel of Kikuta bidding him farewell just gives me the feels.  It is so clear that Kikuta knows he’s toast.  He saw Tsukishima shoot Ariko and Tsukishima likely watched him as he tried to save the man.

The fact that he said a casual line about going to an onsen.  Ugh, death flag for sure right there.  It seems Ariko knows that as he looks forlorn.  Kikuta is that sort of suave man who is going to look cool even though he’s doomed; he’s that awesome.

The action returns to Tsurumi at the church having solved the code.  With Tsukishima gone off to try to kill Ariko, Koito has remained behind.  All of a sudden Koito reverts to his extreme Satsuma accent when addressing Tsurumi in the absence of Tsukishima.  I think he didn’t even realize it at first, just like how after they escaped the fight with Boutarou, Koito spoke normally to Tsurumi without realizing it.

It is clear it took him a moment to realize he was speaking ‘Koito’ as Tsurumi is unable to respond to him and he then panics.  Koito is more than willing to chase after Tsukishima and support him, but Tsurumi instead recalls him.

At first he consoles himself that everything is okay. 

He is trying very hard to convince himself that everything that they witnessed through the keyhole was all an act to get the key!  Yes, it isn’t that Tsurumi doesn’t have some sort of awesome goal and this isn’t about how the death of his wife and daughter left him unhinged!

But the other random members of the 27th then comment on how strongly Nikaido reeks of beer . . . and Koito then thinks about how he and Tsukishima were hiding in the room at the church when Tsurumi ‘checked’ that he was alone.  And then it hits him - they were also played as a part of the ‘Tsurumi theatre’.  Unlike Tsukishima who has whole-heartily given himself over to Tsurumi, it is clear that Koito can’t.

That monologue sounded too good to be true.  He weakly says Tsukishima’s name into the rain as he then thinks ‘No . . .’  The rain is really fitting in this scene, I think it really is a stand in for Koito’s own disappointment and tears in this entire crazy quest for the gold.  Is he worried about his ‘older’ brother figure?  Himself?  Both of them?

He continues to try to rationalize the performance that Tsurumi gave them - even if Tsurumi lied to them, it wasn’t all a lie.  Oh Koito.  I want to give you a hug and pull you away as your little bon-bon-ness has won me over.  Most of that speech wasn’t for Koito, it was for Tsukishima.  Speaking about helping Japan is what Koito would like to hear but we can tell he doubts that as well.  Hence, his waffling.

But then he realizes that as Tsukishima has given so much - all of Tsurumi’s words, even if they were ‘sweet lies’ as he he referred to them on Karafuto, it was just perfect for Tsukishima.  However, Koito has broken the spell that Tsurumi held over him.  The final page of the chapter of Koito looking at the illuminated Tsurumi and shutting the door on him.  It is the exact opposite of when Tsurumi rescued Koito from the kidnappers when in his youth. I now find myself wondering how this relates to the tiger curse.  It is clear that the curse for Tsukishima will not end well.  After he shot Ariko, his eyes regained their sparkle!  Not good, not good at all!  However, have I misinterpreted it for Koito that by becoming disillusioned with Tsurumi he will be cursed to be miserable through him gaining independence from his hero worship of Tsurumi?  The idea that ignorance is bliss, and now Koito is well in the know.  The fact that when he and Tsukishima were sort of on the same page was when he could speak to Tsurumi but now that he’s on a different path from Tsukishima he’s tripped up again.

Chapter 274 finally allows Asirpa to determine the fake skins after what she witnessed with Boutarou in the brewery and thinking about Ainu garments that she figured out that Edogai likely went above and beyond with his fakes.  Thanks money counterfeiting guy from the fake Ainu village for the inspiration.  It is a lot of pages that tie together other plot points nicely but really doesn’t do anything for me as a reader personally.

The most important point is that as Sugimoto falls asleep while Asirpa and Hijikata work with the skins is that we get another flashback - one that links him to Kikuta!

and even more importantly - Hanazawa Yuusaku!  Chapter 275 starts out with an homage to the classic movie ‘Singing in the Rain’.  As soon as I saw Sugimoto spinning on a lamp post, it was obvious.  Yes, small town boy in the big city - causing trouble.  He gets in some sort of brawl with random guys from the army and is ‘rescued’ by Kikuta, who immediately realizes that he’s hungry and decides to treat him to some lunch.

It shows that Sugimoto has a short fuse and is an impulsive youngster.  Really, he is lucky that he didn’t do more stupid shit to get him in trouble.  We can also clearly see that Kikuta is a member of the 1st Division, the Tokyo based one that Sugimoto eventually enlists with.

Kikuta decides that he wants Sugimoto to impersonate Hanazawa Yuusaku and to go on a marriage interview for him.  This is because Hanazawa Hiro, the now identified wife of Hanazawa, is pulling the strings in the background to prevent Yuusaku from becoming a flag bearer.

This then makes us wonder why these two parents have such contrasting expectations for their only son.  It makes me think back to my theory that Yuusaku was a pretty poor solider and lacked any skill or potential.  Long ago, Tsurumi told Nikaido that Ogata is the ‘true heir’ of Hanazawa inheriting his military and [some] leadership skills as he stood on the watch tower in Barato ordering the random gangsters how to fight effectively.  Yuusaku is a disappointment for Hanazawa - he can only save face by having his son become such a symbolic part of the army.

I laughed at the next page where Kikuta confirms that Hiro is colluding with the young heiress to steal Yuusaku’s virginity and thus preventing him from becoming a flag bearer.  I love the posture of the terrified Yuusaku!

However, Hiro’s plan has been found out by Hanazawa and he consulted with the leader of the 1st Division to assist him with resolving this unpatriotic and embarrassing issue.  Recall that Ogata was born as a result of Hanazawa being posted to Tokyo - this implies that he likely became good friends with the leader of the 1st Division during this time.

To prevent anyone from identifying Sugimoto, he’s the perfect substitute for Yuusaku and changes into Kikuta’s uniform.  He’s one of those guys who just has that look.  Sugimoto immediately thinks that since he’s been treated well by Kikuta, joining the military might be a good way to find security - in food.  However, we get a link of the cap to Kikuta and what appears to be his dying younger brother.

Kikuta looks so sad, like there is something unfortunate with Sugimoto’s statement of food.  We don’t get to see his expression, indicating he’s likely hiding his emotions from Sugimoto and instead tells Sugimoto he’s going to have to train him in food etiquette.

He’s presented with some Western cuisine, something that may blow his cover and something that Kikuta didn’t expect as he watches from a tree outside.  But again, due to his extreme luck, he’s able to use nervousness as an excuse and it gives him time to state his family his super traditional so they wouldn’t have eaten food like this.  When he’s removed the cap, Kaneko Kaeko is smitten with his handsome face. He can use his excuse as a way to have an out for not knowing how to eat that tasty ebi fry (why to I hear ‘ebi fry’ in Nyanko-sensei’s voice?).

As she explains the fancy places she’s dined at, Sugimoto thinks about how he was living off of cat food.  Cue another reason why he just hates on Ogata, since he was stealing food from Ogata’s people! 

The rest of the dinner goes well, and Kikuta checks in with him.  Meanwhile, our wealthy heiress is completely smitten with him!

As Sugimoto mulls over the idea of a somewhat arranged marriage as a negative he spills the beans about Toraji and Umeko.  And Kikuta isn’t having any of his bullshit.  I love how Kikuta points out how selfish and downright stupid Sugimoto is being in all of this.  Kikuta gives Sugimoto good advice - which he’s clearly still never followed.

He makes it clear that he’s got to give up on that hometown and move on.  Which will be completely ignored as Toraji will end up in the 1st Division with Sugimoto in the trenches.  I’m now wondering how Toraji and Sugimoto reconnected.  Hrrrmmmmm?  Is this something that Sugimoto encouraged and that’s why he has all of these unresolved emotions about Toraji’s death in the war?

The chapter reveals to us that Tsukishima’s love ended up marrying the cousin of Kaeko, making Tsukishima’s acceptance of her ‘death’ even more heartbreaking as he thought that Tsurumi had lied to him about her fate.  [weeps bitterly]. 

As Kikuta and Sugimoto discuss what appears to be Yuusaku’s lack of a free will, he’s told not to meddle in others concerns.  What does Sugimoto do? The man just can’t keep to himself and he goes and finds Yuusaku to confront him.  He wants to know if Yuusaku wants to be a flag bearer even though it is a death sentence.  How does that conversation go? Just how we’d expect with all of the information we know about Yuusaku.

I love how he’s like it isn’t to meet my father’s expectations!  It is because understand my father’s convictions and fight for my country.  Okay, you keep telling yourself that Yuusaku, but it still sounds like you are doing this for your father, you know tomay-to, tomah-to.  Sugimoto mulls over what Yuusaku would choose if given the choice.  I just sigh as we know enough about Yuusaku’s backstory that the man only does what his father says - with great conviction. All of our Ogata flashbacks have made this so clear, Yuusaku is a doomed man from the moment he entered the army.  Maybe even a doomed man from his birth even.  Perhaps, he’s acutely aware of this, but based on how freakkin’ awkward he’s with Ogata and his older brother actions, I continue to think he’s not the brightest bulb in the pack and can only be used as a patriotic pawn.

Yuusaku then becomes suspicious of Sugimoto’s line of inquiry and realizes that he’s got Kikuta’s cap.

Not sure how to respond, he runs away and we learn that Kikuta’s younger brother died of illness during the first Sino-Japanese war.   That same war that killed Koito’s older brother and that Tsurumi and Tsukishima fought in as well. With the statement of illness, I know what most likely killed Kikuta’s younger brother - malnutrition - specifically beri beri.  As the Japanese military rapidly modernized using European models, they ran into an issue with many soldiers and sailors dying of some sort of mysterious illness and it wasn’t something that impacted the Westerners at all.  Most of this has to do with the ability to eat white rice which was much more processed.  It made it more expensive, but was nutritionally bad for men who came from lower incomes or poverty.  Remember how stoked Asirpa was when she ate white rice all the way back at the herring fishery?  If anyone has read “House of Five Leaves” by Natsume Ono, you’d know the protagonist is a poor ronin and he falls ill due to beri beri.  The solution was to return to the countryside/hometown to eat a more diverse diet.  For a more detailed explanation of how bad this was for the Japanese military check out the video by Linfamy on youtube here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzIBpFDRr5g

The video even highlights the fierce (and counterproductive) competition between the Army and Navy which has already been well defined through Koito’s backstory. The chapter ends with Sugimoto dropping the cap and the polite man who picks it up for him is Tsurumi with Ogata, Usami and Tsukishima in Tokyo. The plot thickens . . . somehow Sugimoto got mixed up in the business of the 27th and apparently Tokyo isn’t a vast city that you can get lost in and everyone knows everyone.  Like how I was on flight to Saskatoon and the man next to me started up a conversation how he was from Burlington and went to Guelph and my friend who I was going to visit was also from Burlington and went to Guelph it is a small world kinda moment and in agriculture.  I digress though.  Things are starting to pull back together but I’m still not 100% on with this plot direction/story arc.

[gay-ghosts-committing-crimes]

But the Way That You Act Isn’t Good for Your Health

AO3 link here

Summary: Once upon a time, Alex's parents were cool. They cared deeply about him and his friends. Once upon a time, Alex hadn’t come out yet. OR Five times Alex’s parents were there for him and his friends, and the one time they weren’t.

Warnings: Homophobia, swearing, mention of conversion therapy

Words: 3,899

taglist, just ask to be added or removed: @barrel-of-cat-mituna @completekeefitztrash @tiergan-andrin-alenefar @lemontarto @hershis-kotlc @genesiscaveat @everything-else-and-mars @juline-dizznee @chaotic-basics @an-absolute-travesty @classyfunnyquotesmuffin7 @iamstealingyourgenderaswespeak @itstiger720 @introvertedscarecrow @sunset-telepath @an-idiot-in-a-trenchcoat @cowboypossume @anaccidentwaitingtohappen @sofia-not-sophie @fire-sapphics @dr-alan-grant-blog-blog @real-smooth @juline-dizznee @it-tastes-like-lizard​

1. 

Alex's stomach twisted and his fingers twisted into the hem of his shirt, tugging and pulling at it like it was a lifeline. The yelling outside continued. Beside him Luke patted his arm, his nine year-old face screwed up in concern for his friend. On his other side sat Reggie, leaning close and fidgeting with Alex's free hand. He was solemn too, but in a different way than Luke, closer to Alex's anxious tap-dancing heart.

Alex's chin jerked up as his dad opened the driver's seat door and stepped in, and he subconsciously tightened his grip on Reggie's hand.

"What's going on?" He asked, when his mom finally got in as well. It was supposed to be a fun outing for the boys; The day was warm and the beach was open, and the three nine year-old boys were tired of being cooped up inside. He stopped twisting at his shirt and his fingers moved to tapping at his leg when his parents shared a look. 

Reggie pressed closer to his side, and Luke did his best to put his arm around them both.

"I've got you," He said gravely, his soft voice offset by the slight whistle caused by the gap left behind where a top tooth had once lived.

Alex's parents finished their silent conversation and Mary, Alex's mom, turned to face them.

"Sometimes people get angry and don't act well, but that doesn't mean it's right, okay? That man out there is one of those people right now, so you boys and I are going to stay in the car for a little bit while Mr. Mercer gets out and makes sure the man doesn't hurt that young lady, that sound good?"

Alex nodded and his breathing evened a little bit. The yelling was scary, but he knew his dad could handle it, his dad was the strongest man in the whole world.

Reaching across the console, Mr. Mercer gave Mrs. Mercer's hand a light squeeze.

"I'll be alright, Mary." Alex's mom gave a soft smile and nodded, but the crinkle in her brow stayed in its place.

"I know Paul, I love you." A quick kiss was pressed to her knuckles and then he was out of the car, the door closed behind him.

The three boys waited with bated breath as the shouting paused, started up again and then stopped abruptly. There was a low discussion, and even through the car Alex could tell the words were angry. He took Reggie's small hands in his own -he knew how his friend got when people yelled- and rubbed it with his thumb. Reggie gave him an appreciative smile, and Alex smiled back, glad that the action had helped calm them both down. A man rushed past the front of the car, pausing a moment to aim a kick at it before running off, swearing profusely. The three boys jolted and Mary's hand flew to her mouth with a gasp, but he didn't come back and they relaxed a fraction.

After another minute, Mr. Mercer returned to the car, slipping into the driver's seat silently and sitting there for a long moment. Finally he moved, putting the car in reverse and getting ready to pull out, then stopped abruptly. He turned to the backseat, studying the boys' faces.

"Boys?"

"Yes, Mr. Mercer?" they responded in unison.

"Always respect women. Treat them decent and keep them safe, okay? And the same goes for you, if someone isn't treating you right, get out of there, you deserve to be safe." The boys shared wide-eyed glances as Mr. Mercer started pulling out again, but they nodded anyway.

It took a long time for the boys to start talking again, but eventually the silence was broken by Luke, who elbowed Alex in the ribs.

"I think your dad is a superhero, 'Lex."

Alex thought of the girl his dad had protected, her face shiny with tears when he had managed to twist around in his seat to look, shiny but relieved, and he agreed. His dad was a superhero.

~~

2.

"Hey 'Lex? Is it... Is it okay if I come over to your house for a sleepover? Bobby can't and Luke-" Alex was already asking his mom before Reggie even finished his stumbling words, his voice tinny through the Mercer family's Nokia, knowing after a few years of friendship that his voice only wobbled on days where it was too much for him to be alone.

(Alone with two people. Two people who never stopped fighting for long except to criticize the kid that did everything to make them happy. Everything except be enough, apparently. Alex sometimes wished it was okay to want people to go to hell, but Reggie didn't want that, and his mom said that was bad... Still, Alex was Not a Fan of the Peters’ parents.)

And if Bobby wasn't available...

Bobby had shown up about a year prior, and Reggie had immediately decided that he was going to be a part of their friend-group. To Bobby's credit, he seemed to be fond of Reggie, and that was a quick in to the group in Luke and Alex's book. After a while, Bobby grew to be the one Reggie went to when he needed someone, but couldn't handle being around everybody. He'd go over to Bobby's and all of the other boy's gruffness would melt at the sight of him, and Bobby would make it okay.

Bobby was Reggie’s go-to, but Reggie was coming to him, so Alex needed to be there for Reggie.

"Mom?" He waited patiently as she finished putting the casserole she had been preparing in the oven, her blonde hair shimmering and haloed in the evening light coming in through the kitchen windows, and he was reminded of the art of Mary, Jesus’ mother, and how a golden halo had adorned her head too. His mom brushed her hands off and peeked in the oven one last time before tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear and turning to face him, eyes smiling.

“What’s up, bug?”

“Can Reggie come over?” And then her eyes were softening even more, and for a moment Alex wondered if Mary was as kind as his mom. His mom who always made sure to give Reggie an extra hug, to praise Luke on his singing, and to press a kiss to Bobby’s head and laugh when he twisted away and pretended that he hated it, even though a smile tugged at his lips. His mom who always knew just how to cheer his friends up. Alex thought about it for a minute more and then decided no, his mom was the kindest and prettiest out of all the moms, even Jesus’.

“Of course he can, I’ll even make my special macaroni and cheese!” Alex’s mom gave a small grin and ushered Alex back out of the kitchen. “Now scooch! I’ve got to finish the casserole.”

He giggled and let Reggie know that he could stay, that it was gonna be okay, that Reggie could probably even bring over the guitar he was starting to learn how to play, and they could jam together. 

He glanced back at his mom, her hair still gold in the light, and grinned at her soft, tired, and slightly sad smile. She blew a kiss and tucked a strand of gold behind her ear, and then Alex was away again, cheering his friend up over the phone while he gathered some stuff for their sleepover.

~~

3.

Alex heaved a sigh and scrubbed a hand over his face; He had a terrible headache, and the way practice was going? He wouldn’t be surprised if the rest of the band did too.

“Okay Luke, I get we want this perfect, but it’s hot and I have a headache, is there any way we could take a quick breather?” 

Luke, surprisingly, just gave a loose nod and flopped onto their couch, face in a weak scowl, more brought on by frustration at the music than any anger towards Alex. It had been a rough week at home for him, and in his mind their struggle with this song was probably one more confirmation that his mom was right, that his music was only dragging him and his friends down.

It tore Alex apart, to see Luke like that, so he slumped onto the space beside Luke, elbowing him slightly before relaxing into the cushion, making sure to “annoyingly” slouch against Luke. The couch was big enough for all four of them to squeeze together, and had taken three of them to carry it into the Mercer’s garage the day they had found it at some estate sale the summer before, and now it was a regular occurrence to find the boys gathered together, bodies tangled together haphazardly on the worn piece of furniture.

Soon, Bobby joined in, grumbling about how sweaty Luke was, but taking the time to ruffle his hair before settling in, patting the spot beside him for Reggie to take. Luke swatted at Bobby’s hand and rolled his eyes as he half-heartedly tried to shove Alex away, inevitably giving in to the crushing affection of his friends and sighing heavily.

They sat that way for a stretch, silence strung between them like unlit Christmas lights; Noticeable, and somehow liminal, waiting for something to flick them on. The thick air felt like an inverted weighted blanket, just as heavy but the direct opposite of comfortable, and Alex lazily found himself wondering if they should add Christmas lights to the garage.

“Alright, enough of the moping guys, we’ll get this!!” And then Luke was hopping up off the couch, so what if it was clear that the pep in his voice was fake? He turned back to the boys and swung his arms wide, “We just gotta take a short break and come back and whip this song.”

His smile was achingly wide (and painfully put-on) but Alex found himself smiling back. Luke might be a hardheaded dumbass sometimes, but they were still friends, and Alex wanted Luke to see that he wasn’t the failure he thought he was.

“Sure, because we were the ones moping,” Alex rolled his eyes and heaved himself up, tugging Reggie up behind him, and headed to the door, yelling back over his shoulder- 

“Last one into my parent’s kitchen gets the armchair!”

The rest of the boys launched after him, knowing the stakes of being forced to sit alone on the Mercer’s uncomfortable armchair versus being able to crowd together on their couch was more important than whatever claims of friendship came before. Bobby attempted to shove Luke behind him, only managing to allow Reggie to get a head start, and scuffled at the doorway, Luke pulling at his shirt and biting at his hand.

“No fair man, I was already farther away!!”

Alex only laughed, throwing open the door to his house and making a break for the couch as the other boys tumbled in after him.

“Hey mom!” He called out, “The boys are trying to kill m-” He was interrupted by a decorative pillow to the face and a crow of laughter from Luke as Reggie gave Bobby a high-five.

“Oh hi boys, I didn’t know you’d be coming in today! Reggie, it’s so nice to see you again, how’s your sister?” Mary Mercer walked in smiling from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel. 

“And Luke!! I haven’t seen you in weeks besides creeping into our garage to play that marvelous music of yours. When do you plan on giving us a concert? I expect a friends and family discount of course,” She winked and gave a small chuckle.

“Paul and I have loved hearing you boys practice, and you’ve developed so much just this summer! Of course, I’ve always loved your music, but lyrically? Why, you’ve become a genius when it comes to lyrics. We’re so proud of you.”

She squeezed Bobby’s shoulder and gave him a fond smile before heading back to the kitchen.

“I made some sugar cookies and lemonade; I’d planned to bring it out to you boys, but since you’re inside now… Well, might as well enjoy the air conditioning.”

Luke, who had practically bloomed like a flower previously wilting, followed her into the kitchen, his smile now genuine and brighter than the sun itself, and the rest of the band followed.

~

“Say Mrs. Mercer, do you think we really could do a concert?”

The boys had sat down at the kitchen table, quickly downing most of the cookies, and Luke had taken the pause in eating to probe what Mrs. Mercer had said earlier. She stilled from where she stood at the sink and hesitated before turning to look at the boys with a gentle smile.

“Of course I do, Luke. Mr. Mercer and I have always admired your talents, and all of you boys are amazing musicians. I would love to see you build your skills even more, and I’m certain other people would adore your music.”

Alex watched as Luke grinned and tucked into another cookie, warmth filling his chest.

And later, when his mom pulled him aside and asked if Luke was doing alright, he pulled her into a tight hug and replied, “I’m pretty sure he’s doing a lot better, thanks to you.”

~~

4.

Alex wasn’t sure what to think when his chest started tightening and his breathing became erratic and painful. Maybe he was dying. Maybe he had a terrible hidden sickness and now something had triggered it and, oh God maybe he was dying.

He was dying and he didn’t tell his mom that he loved her that morning, and Luke didn’t know that he was one of the most incredible songwriters Alex had ever known. He couldn’t breathe and Reggie didn’t know that he meant the world to Alex, and Bobby didn’t know just how fucking much Alex cared and how much he loved it when Bobby gave him one of his rare hugs.

Because now Alex was dying and he couldn’t breathe and everything was foggy and maybe he was sobbing but his chest was so tight that he couldn’t see how he could breathe in enough to cry, let alone sob. And this was it, wasn’t it? Alex was dying alone and it was so fucking stupid because how did he go from writing his essay for English homework to this? To this sobbing panicked mess, rocking on the floor?

He was fucking dying and it was on his kitchen floor. And he was freezing and sweating and God, his stomach hurt too and maybe he wasn’t dying, maybe Alex was just going to lay there and be tortured.  Nope, he was going to die, and holy fuck he wasn’t ready for heaven. His heart was going a mile a minute, and of course this was going to be how he died and-

His death was interrupted by a hand on his shoulder and Alex tried jerking away but he couldn’t move. He could only shake and suck in for breath as the hand carefully pulled him into a sitting position and a low voice started pushing through the fog in his brain.

“Alex? Alex, bud… breathe with me, okay? It’ll be okay.”

But how could he fucking breathe? How could Alex breathe when it felt like his heart was going to explode at any second, his lungs captured in a vice, when his mind couldn’t hold onto a single thought for more than a second-

“Alex, you gotta work with me kid, you just gotta breathe, okay? Breathe in for as long as you can, and then hold that breath. You got it ‘Lex, c’mon, breathe with me. Alright, slow breath out now- you got it-”

And then the hand was his father, and the voice telling him to breathe was his dad, telling him he loved him and that it was okay, that Alex was okay.

Alex kept breathing, and his dad kept holding his hand, and telling him he could do it, that he was proud. Eventually Alex’s heart rate slowed, and while he felt nauseous and exhausted, he could breathe now.

It was okay, he was okay.

“Dad?”

“Yeah ‘Lex?”

“I… Thank you.”

“Always kiddo. And Alex?” Alex looked up at his dad and gave a weak hum. “If you have another panic attack, tell me? You don’t need to be going through that alone.”

Alex nodded and sagged back into his father’s waiting arms.

He was okay.

~~

5.

“Alex! C’mere really quick, I need your help with something!”

Alex looked up from where he sat cross-legged on the floor of his room at the sound of his dad’s voice. He sighed and pushed himself up, ruffling Bobby’s hair on his way out. The band had been brainstorming which songs to perform at their next gig, not that it was going to be very big, but Alex figured that Luke and Reggie were more of the brains of that particular operation, so he set off without a complaint.

Bobby swatted at his hand and rolled onto his back, closing his eyes and leaving Reggie and Luke to be the only one’s actually going through their songs.

“Yeah dad?” Alex leaned over the staircase railing, eyeing the way his father sat hunched over at the table, a scratch piece of paper in front of him, and a pencil tucked behind his ear. Paul Mercer was a tall man with piercing blue eyes, soft brown hair, and a wry smile. Alex liked to think he took after him, aside for the blondness of his own hair.

“Ah, Alex. Can you come over here? I’m making a list.”

Alex raised an eyebrow at that.

“O….kay?” He hopped off the last step and pulled up a chair beside his dad, taking a closer glance at the paper.

Extra blankets

Extra pillows

(extra clothes??)

Pool money for mini fridge

Add loft

“Dad, what’s all this for?”

His father scrubbed a hand over his face, pulling his hand down to rest his chin on his palm.

“I’ve been thinking, well, your mother and I have been, and… your friends…”

“Yeah?” Alex’s voice was sharp, but his dad was acting weird, and he was protective of the boys.

“They don’t have the best home life, so your mom and I were thinking about making the garage more your space. The couch is already in there, so we figured, if you boys wanted, to give it fully to the band. Blankets and pillows for when one of them needs to stay over, a fridge, which, granted, you boys would need to pay for part of it, some odds and ends you boys might need. What do you think?”

Alex turned his eyes up to his father’s and worked his jaw, his throat tight.

“Dad… That’d be great, yeah.”

His dad’s face broke into a relieved smile, and he clapped Alex on the back.

“Alright, well then. You can go back up, but if you think of anything to add, I’m drawing blanks for anything else.”

“Yeah, okay, thanks dad.”

When Alex walked back into his room a few minutes later, Luke and Bobby in an arm-wrestling competition on his bed, Reggie egging them on, he rolled his eyes and smiled.

He was grateful that his parents cared as much for these dumbasses as he did.

“Alright boys, break it up!” He sat on the bed with them, giving a yelp when Bobby launched at him and put him in a headlock before rubbing his knuckles on his head.

He smiled.

~~

+1.

“Supper’s ready!” Mary Mercer called from the dining room, and Alex took a shaky breath and rubbed his sweaty palms on the front of his shirt before walking into the room and sitting at the table.

His dad wandered in next, pressing a kiss to his mom’s forehead, and settling hard into the chair across from Alex.

“Ah! Chicken pot pie! Delicious.”

Alex gave a half-hearted nod of agreement, his stomach churning as he eyed the food in front of him. This was usually one of his favourite meals.

“Well, shall we say grace?” The family of three held hands, Mr. Mercer saying a short blessing while Alex sent up his own frantic plea.

Just let them accept me, God, please.

“-Amen.”

Mrs. Mercer began serving the food and Alex waited anxiously until all of their plates were full to interject.

“Hey mom, dad?” His stomach twisted harder, and he felt his face already heating up. His parents waited expectantly, his mom smiling encouragingly and his father giving a nod. He could do this.

“I’ve been thinking about this, and… I’ve been really struggling with it. It’s been this way as long as I remember, it’s not a big thing it’s just- I’m gay.”

There. It was out.

Alex’s shoulders were hunched, and his eyes tightly closed. A piece of silverware clattered on a plate, a gasp. Good sign or bad sign? Good sign or-

An awkward throat-clearing. 

“Son.” His dad’s voice was low and oh shit, Alex had misjudged this and his dad wasn’t happy and-

He opened his eyes.

Fuck.

His father’s eyes were full of anger, and his mother… Alex’s mom sat in shock, her hand covering her mouth, the tablecloth in front of her a mess of food, her abandoned fork lying prone and vulnerable. Alex found himself relating to it.

“Alexander…” his mom tried, pausing a moment before giving a small unbelieving scoff. “Surely you’re joking. You know our family isn’t like that.”

“And!” Mr. Mercer added, “It’s not funny either.”

Alex’s stomach dropped even further.

“No, dad- mom- I’m actually gay. That’s just part of who I am! I’m still Alex, I just. Can’t make myself like girls.” And he should have stopped. He should have stopped before he even said anything, but he was anxious and why weren’t his parents saying it was okay? Why weren’t they saying they still loved him? And-

“I… like boys instead.”

If words could be knives then they could also be nails, and Alex had just successfully finished the construction of his very own coffin.

A chair slid across the floor, and then his father was pointing angrily and telling him to “get to his fucking room” but Mr. Mercer didn’t yell, and he didn’t swear. Mr. Mercer helped Alex through panic attacks over school, and told him stories about the ocean, and Mr. Mercer never, ever swore.

Except Alex was stumbling, shell-shocked and heartbroken, up the stairs and to his room, and his dad was turning back to his mom and saying “How the hell did we raise him to be a homosexual?” and Alex’s eyes were filling with tears, his chest was tightening up, and he couldn’t breathe.

He shut the door behind him, leaning against it and sliding to the ground as his breathing became even more ragged. Alex wasn’t okay and his parents weren’t okay with him, and as he felt another panic attack coming over him, he used the breathing exercises that the very same man who was now talking about kicking him out, had taught him.

Alex fell asleep to the sound of raised voices.

He woke up to a conversion therapy camp’s pamphlet being shoved under his door.

[lifeofroos]

Part 68: Nico is there!

In short: Nico gets therapy from Dionysus. In this chapter, he finally meets his Italian relatives. 

AO3 -  FanFiction.net - KoFi

This Might Be Crazy: Chapter 68: Fresh Orange Juice

The first thing I noticed was that it was warmer in Foggia than on Long Island. I took of my jacket while I set off to the other side of the terminal. Right now, my relatives were waiting there for me. 

The terminal was too long and the anxiety was getting to me. What if they weren’t there? How long would I wait for them? An hour? Two? A whole day? I shook the thought out of my head. I’d cross that bridge when I got there. 

When I finaly reached the blinded doors at the end, I knew it was now or never. I already got this far: I already called them, we made an arrangement, Dionysus brought me away. I’d just have to walk through. 

A woman bumped into me. ‘Keep walking!’ She snarled. I did as she ordered. 

I got through the doors and looked around. There were a bunch of people standing outside the terminal. A few little groups, two parents hugging their daughter, a man kissing his partner, a few people who were cheering loudly, and a girl with blond hair and a smile on her face. She was holding a sign. ‘Nico di Angelo, America,’ it said. 

I had to gather courage for a moment before walking towards her. ‘Eh... Nico. That’s me,’ I muttered. It took everything to look her in the eye. Her smile got broader. ‘Sofia,’ she answered, while she stuck out her hand. I shook it.

‘Sorry.’

She smiled. ‘Are you nervous?’

‘Well, yeah.’ More than a little, I’d say.

‘Me too. Come, my great-grandmother, and the rest of my family, want to meet you. They are waiting a little further away.’ Especially her great-grandmother? That was my mothers’ sister. Did she looked like my mother? Would I instantly see it?

Sofia asked how the flight went while we made our way through the airport. I made something up about bad American lasagna and turbulence, too scatterbrained to really think about how a flight would be. 

I immediately saw them. There were two girls, probably Sofia’s sisters, who looked similar to her. Their parents were sitting next to them. Clearly an Italian woman and a not-so Italian father. They were accompanied by a woman in a wheelchair. My aunt. 

Sofia chuckled. ‘We persuaded my grandparents into staying at home,’ she told me. ‘Otherwise we would have probably taken an hour longer to get here.’ I nodded. 

Sofia’s sisters seemed just as dumbfounded as I was. Her youngest sister, who was about fourteen, clasped her hands together. 

My aunt pulled all the attention to herself. She looked majestic, even in a wheelchair. She gestured that I should come closer, and when I did, pulled an old photograph out of her purse. She unfolded it and held it near my face. 

‘You look just like her,’ she told me in Italian, after inspecting the picture for a good minute. 

‘Thanks,’ I answered, also in Italian. ‘Can I see the picture?’

Sofia’s grandmother seemed content when it turned out I spoke the language. She handed me the photograph. ‘Be careful with it.’

My mother. She looked younger than in the picture I had in my cabinet, more like a girl than a woman.

‘I remember she had a son. He looked like you,’ My aunt said, while I gave the picture back. Sofia’s mother sighed, ever so softly, but the matriarch heard it: ‘It’s true, Gabriella. You can laugh about it.’

I saw Sofia behind me roll her eyes. A part of me wanted to tell them how my aunt was more right then they could ever think, but I didn’t do it.

‘Is the name Mars familiar to you?’ The woman asked. 

‘...yes.’ Her asking that could only mean they knew about demigods, somehow. The rest looked at each other as if their theory had just been proven. 

‘My mother was a child of Moneta, goddess of remembering. I was the only one in the family who got the same gift to remember. That’s why I still know everything about your... great-grandmother.’

‘...ah.’

‘Show some manners, youngling. I am already letting an American godling into my house.’

Sofia nervously looked around. ‘Nonna, maybe we should tell him all that at home,’ she murmured. 

Her great-grandmother gave her a look. ‘Let us go there, then. And make sure the child gets some good food. I thought they were all fat in America, but apparently this one is an exception.’

|

The family had decided that I needed rest. They gave me something to eat and immediately after send me to my room. 

While I was unpacking my backpack, there came a knock at the door. ‘In?’ I asked, while I still held a t-shirt in my hand. Sofia opened the door, followed by her great-grandmother. She wasn’t in her wheelchair now. 

I quickly stood up to come help, but she waved me away. ‘I’d rather you put three of those spare chairs they’ve got here on the balcony.’ I opened the doors and did what was asked. 

Sofia helped her sit down. ‘My name is Gloriana,’ she begun. ‘You should know that.’ 

‘Eh...’ I shook my head. ‘Thanks, ma’am.’

Sofia sat down on the third chair, while Gloriana straightend her suprisingly black hair. ‘What made you want to come look for us?’ 

‘I was at a Christmas party with… a friend, at his family’s house, and I suddenly wondered if I had relatives in Italy who were celebrating Christmas too.’ I nodded. ‘I realised I didn’t even know if there were people related to me still alive. I knew nothing about my family here.’

‘Didn’t your mother or father tell you any stories?’

‘Eh, well... My mother, eh... I mean, I stayed at the sancuary all year long.’

Sofia looked confused, but Gloriana’s gaze got softer. ‘At least he or she taught you Italian.’

‘Eh, yes. It was always very important that I learn how to speak our native language.’

‘What was your mothers’ name?’

‘... Maria.’

‘Maria.’ Gloriana gave me a knowing look. ‘Sofia, can you go get us all a glass of orange juice?’

Sofia sighed, but stopped halfway through when her great-grandmother glared at her. ‘Okay, okay,’ she mumbled, as she walked back into the house. 

‘Maria, the Maria I knew, was your mother.’ Gloriana didn’t ask it, she stated it. ‘And your father preserved you for some time, for whatever reason.’

‘Eh... yes.’

‘Don’t act so self-conscious. I have heard and seen many strange things. My own mother was a demigod, Nico.’

‘Yes.’

A car drove by beneath us. ‘Your mother, my sister, was a good woman. Some in our family shunned her, because she had children and no husband, or because she went to America, but I never believed she deserved it.’ She sighed. ‘It is good that you came back. It means I have seen something of her, my beautiful, kind sister, once more.’

I looked at my hands. It was hard to believe that me and this elder woman were a only a generation apart. How different my life would have been if my mother had stayed in Italy. I would have been almost as old as this lady was now, if I had survived that long. 

‘You said my mother already had children when she left.’

Gloriana nodded. ‘She did.’

‘Did you... what do you know about Bianca? Do you know about her?’

She slowly nodded, which made my heart skip a beat. ‘Your sister.’

‘She was.’ I shrugged. ‘Dangerous bussiness, being a demigod.’

Gloriana closed her eyes for a second. ‘I know, dear.’ She smiled. ‘I looked after your sister sometimes, when your mother couldn’t. She liked to braid my hair.’ Gloriana smiled. ‘Yet, she wasn’t really like your mother. In the way you act and look, I see more of Maria then I did in Bianca.’

I slowly nodded, not really sure what to say. The door opened. Sofia walked back in, with three glasses of orange juice. I looked at Gloriana, hoping that she understood. 

‘I was thinking,’ Sofia said, as she sat down next to us, ‘Maybe we should go into town tomorrow. Then me, Elena and Lucia can show Nico some of our city.’

I looked at the street beneath us. ‘Yes,’ I agreed, after a few seconds. ‘I would like it if you showed me your city.’ Perhaps then I can see some of my mother, too, just like Gloriana did. 

A/N: I was originally going to have Nico appear in Foggia with no questions asked, but that made no sense, so I did it like this. 

Me writing the scene where Nico sees the sign with ‘Nico di Angelo, America:’ Oh my god this is adorableeee

Anyway I rewrote half of this chapter last minute I hope you enjoyed

[amillionpinkroses]

Friend problems pt.2

So as I have mentioned in previous posts last year sucked ass and with everything going on I needed support from my friends. Immediately I “eliminated” four people in the group that I could talk to: Doug, Ana, Victoria, and Jane. That left me with Jacob, James, Sofia and Karen. The problem is two of them have conditions that literally inhibit human interaction and their ability to have compassion or to deal with someone’s feelings. Karen while not having a limitation just frankly sucks with talking feelings and is just very awkward, though credit goes to her for hugging me when I told her about my parent’s separation (physical contact was a big NO with anyone in my group, something I found very hard as I am extremely affectionate with those I care about). Essentially Sofia was my best shot but I just always got the vibe that she never cared enough about what I was going through. The thing with  Sofia is that the core three were me, her and Jane that hung out. I introduced the two but what need up happening is that the two of them became best friends and left me out, even if they never realized it, I was always left out. Jacob ended up being my confidant partially however I could never go to him when I was emotional or hurting and he tried his best to care but being nurturing isn’t in his nature. The sad thing is I wasn’t myself for months, and the only people who noticed were those whose biology literally decided that they would be socially inept. They asked how I was on occasion but it felt more like they were gathering data at set intervals. I mean I loved them and was so thankful for trying but I really needed someone to let me cry and hug me saying I could do this and that they had my back. I ended up turning to my english teacher just for someone to listen because I didn’t want to bother my parents by asking them to drive me to therapy because they already had so much on their plates. Though my Mom did tell me to think about it a few times. 

[manetsgarden]

How I, An Incredibly Anxious Traveller, Solo Travelled Through Bulgaria

Nobody really asks, but I can see their eyes secretly wonder “why” when I tell someone I’m travelling to Bulgaria for a little holiday. The short answer is … I don’t really know. It wasn’t because I have some ever-present burning desire to visit Bulgaria. My going to Bulgaria was just a holiday booked on a whim, because Ryanair had a sale. It ended up working out well, but I didn’t have many expectations, let alone knowledge about Bulgaria before I went. I booked it quite simply because I had never been before, and because I had never thought about going. Usually people opt for the opposite.

The short of it is: I booked this holiday because I was homesick. I was still at home when homesickness struck. I was looking out at seven months without a hug from my mom, seven months without laying eyes on my dad, or my dog, or my sisters or brother. Seven months of solitude in Scotland, before my family planned to visit in July — planned but had not (and still have not!) booked yet. And I was sad, and I already missed everyone, and I wanted to go to New York over March Break, so I could meet up with my mom and sister. (It’s cheaper to fly to New York than Thunder Bay, not cheap, but cheaper).

Then, my sister told me not to. Not because she didn’t want me there but because, in her words: “If you live in Europe you should be going somewhere in Europe that you’ve never been to before, and take advantage of how close you are to new places, and how cheap it is to travel, rather than spending a lot of money to going across the Atlantic to somewhere you’ve been to tons of times.” So I went to Skyscanner and I saw a cheap flight to Sofia and I thought, ‘huh, I’ve never thought about going to Bulgaria before,’ and then I booked it.

The flight cost me 52GBP. I then started looking at Airbnbs and came across the most beautiful little apartment, with glowing reviews, for $32CAD/night and booked it. I was set. A little holiday in Sofia, Bulgaria. I pictured old Soviet style buildings mixed in with Orthodox churches. I envisioned a quaint, old town style city that was quiet, calm, and comfortable.

I started to look into things to do and realised I could do day trips to Macedonia and Serbia! I realised how close Sofia is to other Balkan countries and immediately started looking into getting my International Drivers Permit so I could rent a car and road trip. I looked at doing the day trips, but they were too pricey for one person (I’m talking like three hundred pounds!). I went through the process. I took passport pictures, I sent them to my dad, he took them to CAA, he got my IDP, he sent it to me, I booked a car. I planned on spending a day in Sofia, and then doing day trips to Skopje, Niš, and Thessaloniki. And then I got to the rental pick up and they said I couldn’t cross borders. Cool.

Processed with VSCO with m5 preset

As planned, I spent my first day in Sofia. It was weird. I remembered as I was leaving that, while I haven’t been really badly anxious in awhile, I have a long history of travel anxiety. Exactly five years ago I was just south of Bulgaria, in Greece. It was a school trip, and I almost didn’t go because I was so anxious. I spent seven months before that trip going to counselling specifically so that I could go on it. I threw up the morning we left, I spent the day crying to my family in Toronto, and then I got on the plane headed overseas, and in the end I was fine. The first time I actually properly travelled alone was in October 2018, when I went hiking in Ireland. Except one of my closest friends lives in Dublin, so it hardly counts because I knew I could go to her if I needed her.

And then I found myself alone in Bulgaria, apparently in my homesick, adventurous spirit state, I forgot to factor in my anxiety disorder. Weirdly, it was relatively OK. I walked around the city centre, I bought postcards, I sat in the sun, in a park, I went and got coffee, I sat in the park some more. I bailed on all of my walking tours because my feet hurt, (but lowkey because I was afraid to talk to people) and I went back to my Airbnb early. I ate granola and yogurt for dinner because I was too stressed to go out and try to tackle the language barrier to get myself a proper dinner. Try again tomorrow.

The second day I picked up my car. I went for groceries at Lidl and then I tackled the metro, taking it out to the airport, and then I realised I could easily have just managed with the metro alone. But the car was already booked, so off I went! I picked up the keys, sat in the drivers seat, gave myself a pep talk, reminded myself of the ‘how to drive in a roundabout’ videos I had watched on Youtube the night before, started the ignition and drove off. And it. Was. Fine. Since I couldn’t cross borders, I drove to the Rila Monastery. Tucked into the mountains, it’s one of the oldest (maybe the oldest) Orthodox monastery in the world. I’m not religious, I was raised Catholic, and I don’t majorly care about these things but I thought it might be cool so I went. And it was cool.

I drove on the highway (very fast, might I add!) and I drove on tiny side streets and I drove up the mountain and it took me two whole hours because I took so many wrong turns. I was constantly stressed about my phone (my navigation) dying. But I made it. There was snow on the ground that people were ice-picking at so that it would melt. I went into the church, I saw monks, I paid to visit the museum and saw some icons (housing some relics!), and I got to be in the mountains and breath in the forest air. I bought some postcards, then I did one whole sign of the cross and then I left. I think I spent less than an hour there, but I was tired and hungry so I went back to my Airbnb, it took me only an hour and a half to get back to Sofia that time around. When I got to the Airbnb, parking was a total nightmare. My driveway backed on to a tiny side street, I had to back in, through the gates of the drive, while not hitting the car parked on the single lane street. It took a solid 10 minutes, and after I was thoroughly humiliated by anyone who might be watching, I decided not to take the car out again until I was leaving.

On my third day I explored Sofia some more. I gave myself a morning pep talk, consisting of a lot of ‘you’re only in Sofia for today, make the most of it, just barrel on full steam ahead, don’t let the language barrier get to you. It’s fine.’ So I googled ‘best coffee in Sofia’ and headed off to the first hit. I walked through new parts of the city centre, saw new churches, new parks, new shops, and I walked far and wide. I shopped a bit, I ate a bit, and then I went for a nap. But I would not be defeated by the restaurant situation, so I forced myself to go out and get dinner. For context, I am realising as I write this, restaurants are a no-go for my anxiety. Nowadays, after a lot of hard work, I don’t really think much about eating out, but when I first went to counselling it was the first thing we worked on in exposure therapy, and suddenly it makes sense to me why I was so reluctant to try to figure out how to eat out in Sofia. Regardless, it happened, I had a yummy salad and hummus and coffee and it was grand.

Sunday was my fourth and final day. I woke up exhausted. Tired of having to figure everything out myself, tired of having so many thoughts and no one to express them to, and just tired because the hosts of the Airbnb had been listening to salsa music late into the night. I decided to try driving to Plovdiv for a bit to explore. It took about an hour and a half to get there, and then about another 45 minutes to try to find parking. I found a spot that I’m not sure I was allowed to park in, and when I got out I felt defeated. I didn’t want to try to find fun things to do, I was already looking forward to going gas station shopping on the way back to Sofia so I thought ‘that’s it, you’re enjoying driving, just drive.’

So I drove through Plovdiv, and then I headed back to Sofia Airport, I enjoyed the gas station stop, and then I returned my car. Then I spent the rest of my last day at Sofia Airport, reading one of those airport-mystery books that I had picked up in Edinburgh Airport on my way out. It was a quiet, cozy Sunday, very relaxing, and it just so happened that I spent it at Sofia Airport.

Moral of the story: There is no ‘right way’ to travel, it’s YOUR holiday, just do whatever you want! If you’re tired at three pm and you want to have a lay down, do that. It’s okay. You’re not missing anything other than hurting your feet and making yourself kind of miserable and grouchy for the next day. If you’re somewhere and you decide you’re done, if you want to sit in a park, or a cafe, or all you want to do is food tour after food tour, do it. Don’t bother with trying to do what other people are doing when they’re travelling, unless it looks like something you want to do. If you try it and realise it’s not what you want to do: that’s okay. Loads of people will read through this and think “well that’s kind of a waste of time” but I feel like I made the most of my trip! I saw tons of new places, had new experiences, but I don’t feel drained now that I’m home. I had the right balance of adventure and exploration, and rest and relaxation.

The only picture of my face in Bulgaria

Solo travelling selfies, am I right?

So what was Bulgaria like? 

In terms of Sofia + Bulgaria

Sofia is nice, Bulgaria is nice. Sofia is so much bigger than expected, and Bulgaria even more so. Sofia did have Soviet architecture, and Orthodox churches, but it also had very Cuban-esque run down architecture, and a handful of western shops and then a lot of random other shops. It had a lot of greenspace, and a lot of people, but not a TON of tourists (at least not English-speakers). There are mountains everywhere, and it was warmer than expected. Not everyone speaks English, in all the touristy areas they’ll try, or they’ll do what they can to make it work. I found that people, generally, weren’t super friendly like I’m used to, people don’t smile at you in the street if you don’t smile first, and check-out workers are generally in a bad mood (but who can blame them).

In terms of driving

Don’t drive in Bulgaria if you are not a confident driver. I have anxiety problems, yes, but I’m a good driver. I am a bit of a risky driver, but I’m a good driver, and those are the two things (it turns out) that you need in order to not die or crash while driving in Bulgaria. Highways are lawless, you need to know how to use them, and you need to simultaneously be both an aggressive and defensive driver. It was actually kind of perfect for my driving style. There are tons of beautiful views everywhere, and tons of wild drivers doing weird things too, which constantly made me want to have someone in the passenger seat.

Have you solo travelled? Are you an anxious traveller? Have you put the two together yet? Talk with me about it in the comments!

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Solo Travelling For The Anxious Traveller How I, An Incredibly Anxious Traveller, Solo Travelled Through Bulgaria Nobody really asks, but I can see their eyes secretly wonder "why" when I tell someone I'm travelling to Bulgaria for a little holiday. 2,141 more words

[rwbyangst12]

During the first fight when Vor was taking over Sofia said "I don't need help" and when you think about it she hasn't been given much help by her teachers, colleagues, or the other adults. They just say it's your job, this is your duty, or other things like that.

Sofia growing up has already had a lot of responsibilities. Like helping her mother and taking care of herself, I have the belief she was doing this even before her father disappeared because he IS a sailor and her mother owns a shop as a cobbler. No matter how naturally gifted she is she has the belief she has to do these things alone.

Sofia hasn't gotten much help aside from Aunt Tilly who was the former storekeeper, Cedric who lied to her, Amber who stole her amulet, and James who snuck into her trunk to go on her mission.

She hasn't even told anyone about her powers aside from the ones who already knew and James and Amber who found out on her own.

I'll say it again someone give this child a hug and therapy

Edit: Sofia even said "Even if I'm the one who takes the fall" which - while it could imply anything - is more likely to imply that she wouldn't care if she got heavily injured or even killed knowing that going against Vor alone is practically sui*cide from the information we got from Orion and the other protectors. So long as her family and kingdom was safe.

I'll say it again. Sofia Did Not care that she could have DIED so long as the people she cared about was safe.

SOFIA DID NOT CARE IF SHE HAD DIED.

Get this child therapy.

[mylifesbook-blog]

reminder to self.

It’s been a while. I’ve come to realise that I am terrible at keeping things like this ‘blog’ up to date. I am constantly getting side tracked. 

Let me update you on what has been going on. 

The therapy that I had was very helpful, I am feeling much better and not as anxious anymore, it’s the best therapy that I’ve had so far because she didn’t make me feel like I was making everything up, that I was being “over dramatic”, I felt like I was talking to a friend and it was nice, things were getting better. 

It feels like a life time ago since I had those sessions.

I lost my job, and I’m struggling to find a new one. For a while I stopped speaking to my parents, I even blocked my mother on my phone because I couldn’t deal with her anymore.  I still have course work to get done but I already feel done with it all. I’m finding it difficult to get through everyday, to keep on going. And I am having an operation at the end of this month. 

A lot of things have me stressed and emotionally exhausted but I’ve found somethings that have help in keeping me grounded more, like yoga. I have been doing it at least once every week since November, this week I have been doing it at least once every DAY because I feel that if I don’t do it then I will be unproductive for the rest of the day, it helps me get out of bed, to focus on my breathing and that is so important to me, it’s helped me through my anxiety, the more I do it, the better I feel! Whenever I find myself getting too anxious I take myself away from the situation and just practise yoga for 5 minutes, just focusing on my breathing and feeling everything around me. It’s my go to medicine and I am addicted, I love it and it’s developed more from helping me cope with my anxiety to wanting to improve on my strength and body. 

My relationship with my boyfriend is so much better, he listens now and when I can’t talk he just hugs me, for however long I need. There were somethings that he wasn’t telling me because he felt uncomfortable about and I only found it because I came across it by accident, we talked loads and since then we’ve been so much better, we both feel more comfortable with one another and I love that, that we have each other. He’s the only person that I have, he’s my friend and I can rely on him just as much as he can rely on me. 

So I might be struggling with a lot of things at the moment but at least I have something that makes me feel like I can keep moving forward, no matter how hard it gets. 

Feel free to message me if you would like to talk to me at all about anything, if you have similar things going on, I don’t mind. 

Sofia x