#socialisation exercise maybe not enough creativity but some!

[jescache]

whew i really have just been feeling horrible the last 2ish weeks

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello, mbti-notes! I will quit trying to be creative and will just thank you for this blog. I always come here when I need to somehow freshen up my thoughts. I like your approach and your wording.

I was going to ask you a question about a better way of socialising, but before that I wanted to explain my current mental state. It got long, sorry in advance.

So, lately I have been socialising my a** off. Like literally hopping on every opportunity to have a conversation with anybody. Even with people that I feel no sympathy for and initially despise. I tried to prove to myself a theory that I can have a nice conversation with any kind of person. For what?

Maybe, I am thinking, I was just trying to become a «better adult». I have always been told by my parents and elders that I am a sloppy, slow to react child, that is spending too much time in its head. And I felt uncomfortable with that. Though I doubt anyone would be comfortable with listening to such half-teasing accusations )). But I respect and love my elders, though can be bitter sometimes. Unconditional love is a thing, yeah. No one is perfect.

And I just tried to prove myself that I can be that easy-going, light, happy person. I tried and I succeeded. Because you think what you believe - in a lot of cases. And you can go a pretty long way with silencing that tiny voice in your head that keeps asking: «Is that the real you? Why are you trying to become the person that you despise the most? And why do you not feel anything?»

But because there is (Thank God!) such thing as one’s nature, I am entering my usual state currently. With constant cold showers of mild social anxiety, but having my own projects back on the forefront and exploring new interesting topics that fill me with knowledge (and thus providing comfort/sense of self).

But there is a doubt in my head that is always present: may it be that I am just «slacking off»? Not doing enough of my Extraverted Feeling exercises? Should I go back to caring about people around me even if it seems to be pointless, emptying all of my resources and making me feel miserable and hollow? Maybe it is true that «what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger» and I should continue this slightly destructive way of self-exploration?

Because of those constant intrusive (and self-deprecating) thoughts I feel the need to go back in time somehow. In a way, return to the foetus version of me and tell it to feel less guilty for not liking people around it, for not having answer for everything and being a little bit slow to grow up. And maybe take with me that precious naivety of my younger self, that openness which helped me overcome dark pessimistic thoughts with ease.

But I based my whole socialising experiment on trying to prove that the child me was wrong. That elders are right because they are more experienced and know the flow of things better. Simultaneously, though only a little bit, it helps with fear of dying a mediocre person. At least there is a possibility that you will gain «enlightenment» skill with age. It could have been worse, right?

And of course it is not my first experiment. I did a lot of it in my teens too. Now I am just being more conscious about the steps that I am taking.

And my sentences may be lacking structure, that’s why I will try to sum up everything I wrote in one question. If you would be so kind, please answer. I would really appreciate your feedback.

My question:

Is there some better way to stop feeling disgusted with yourself while trying to socialise, other than just straight-up ignoring your feelings and discomfort?

Example:

I am talking with a person. At some point I understand that I do not care about them. Then I feel hollow, because somewhere deep I start to feel that I sincerely do not care for anyone. I even question if I have any feelings at all. Maybe I am just a piece of egotistic shit and that is all to me. To avoid this dark thought I just throw it away. Stuff it in a metaphorical drawer. And maybe try to justify my lack of empathy by thinking that we are all the same and I am not the only one with a social mask. And maybe feel manipulated/tricked by society/media/literature/art for putting in our minds this concept of sincere empathy afterwards.

Thank you for finishing my long ask!

Hoping to receive a reply.

An INTP (early twenties, female)

--------------------

I appreciate that you have a desire to improve yourself and I certainly wouldn't want to discourage you. However, I would never suggest anyone try your method. What can I say when people go against my advice? Your case is a textbook example of two mistakes I have repeatedly warned people about:

1) It is important to wait until one is psychologically mature enough to pursue inferior function development, otherwise, one could easily get trapped in inferior grip. You are not yet at the stage of ego development where healthy inferior function development is possible or desirable. The results of your "experiment" only confirm this.

2) It is important to approach type development with the right intention, armed with the right understanding of its grand purpose, otherwise, one is likely to exacerbate developmental issues or create even more. Your motivation for function development was suspect from the start. It is apparent in your admissions that you are driven by ego, childishness, and faulty reasoning (that keeps you trapped in your own world of distorted beliefs).

Why do people socialize? They need relationship. To be successful in interpersonal relationships, you have to: invest in strengthening relationship bonds over the long term; care about psychological well-being; open yourself up to being seen and loved. It doesn't sound like any of this was happening. How can a proper relationship form when your intention in socializing is merely to prove some imaginary point? Other people don't really exist for you except as objects to be used and discarded once the point is proven. There is no "social" in your socializing. There is no "Feeling" in your Extraverted Feeling actions.

As far as I can tell, one reason you've faltered is that you don't know what exact problem you're trying to solve. From your description, it seems the main problem is a lack of feeling and empathy. Forcing yourself into inappropriate socializing situations isn't going to solve this problem. If lack of feeling/empathy is indeed at the root, then you ought to focus primarily on it. Lack of feeling/empathy isn't a crime and doesn't automatically make you a bad person; it is a legitimate psychological issue that people experience for a variety of possible reasons. Take time to understand how and why you suffer from this issue. Perhaps consult some experts on the matter.

Putting yourself down or destroying yourself is unnecessary and counter-productive. Self-denial and self-hatred are major impediments to personal growth. If you truly want to grow as a person, the first thing you have to do is face facts and accept the truth of what you are, rather than live in a fantasy world where you believe that weaknesses and faults can be eliminated with the wave of a magic wand. Only by being seated firmly in reality will you have the right frame of mind to learn effective coping and adaptation strategies to make the best of what you have.

[musingsofawannabewriter]

Can I Be More Than The Person I Have Become?

Here I am again. Once every few months, sometimes years I get that urge to put pen to paper or in this instance finger to keyboard.

When I was little reading my mom’s Jodi Picoult, Danielle Steele or Avon romance novels I felt inspired. I wanted to write a book people would cherish and love. Then I read Purple Hibiscus and then the doubts came.

Purple Hibiscus is one of my favorite books ever and the author Chimamanda is an inspiration to me. But the doubts came because I believed I could never write a book as amazing as Purple Hibiscus, that stirred so many emotions and feelings in me that with each rereading makes me discover something new. It didn’t help that Chimamada is that perfect Igbo first daughter who has a first degree and not one but 2 MA’s and speaks fluent Igbo.

My admiration for her was tinged with a lot of jealousy. I am an Igbo first daughter, that can barely speak/understand Igbo despite growing up in Nigeria most of my life, I only have a BA in Law, I failed spectacularly at a Masters programme that from the start I only applied to because I thought it was expected of me. 

There are so many flaws in myself I could spend hours picking on but won’t for the sake of bringing down the mood of this article/opinion piece. Despite feeling I could never measure up to CNA I still chose literature as my elective in my GCSE’s and WAEC exams. Had an A for both and was the best student in class for the former. But I still felt like a fraud. I understand English, I speak it but the technical rules stump me sometimes. Like the semicolon… No matter how many times I can’t seem to retain when it applies. I suck at writing dialogue because I am always confused where to add the apostrophes and commas. Subject verb agreement, well I stumble my way through and hope for the best which has worked out okay so far.

I used to write in notebooks fervently in Secondary School. I would craft stories which would get passed around different students and their compliments and eagerness to read my words fueled me. I was going to be a writer maybe.. Get my first degree in Law then a Masters in Creative Writing. Maybe after becoming successful I’d be the next Michaela Coel adapting my work to the screen to great critical acclaim.

Well let’s just say reality hit hard, no punches pulled whatsoever. I left my sheltered Nigerian boarding school after graduation to go to the UK full time for my A Levels. First mistake was spending my years pocket money in under 3 months. Second mistake was essentially being mute for my first year of school. I have always been quite reserved and find it hard to talk to people. Going to a full boarding school meant I saw my classmates almost 24/7 so bonding and socialisation was inevitable. Well with A levels only having 3 subjects to study and it being a day school meant I could go a week without speaking to anyone except the lovely lunch ladies in the cafeteria.

If I am being honest I wasn’t used to interacting with white people and felt self conscious about my accent so it was a perfect storm. 

Then the whopper…I have always had a complicated relationship with food. Since I was younger my weight has fluctuated heavily. It didn’t help that my mom was one of those slightly bigger women who decided to become a gym addict and drop all the weight. A lot of her insecurity from being bigger rubbed off on me, directly and indirectly.

Having your mom take you to exercise classes at 13 hurts. Having your mom be so happy to see you lose so much weight because the food at your boarding school sucked hurts. Having people complimenting your mum and asking how you're related to her cuts even deeper. Every stab at my heart at confidence got buried deep. In school, I would restrict my eating by spending breakfasts which I hated asleep in class, would skip a few lunches then binge at dinner times. This had the effect of keeping my weight stable.

Even then my mom still criticised my weight. When I look back at my size 12/14 self in secondary school who was gorgeous, a rage fills me. I was so beautiful but with zero confidence. I hurt so much and wish I could go back in time for a few minutes to tell myself I was worthy of being liked, by others and myself.

Eventually being away from my mom, the safety of my boarding school friends and siblings made it easy to seek solace in food. I was in the UK, I was living in student accommodation and for the first time in my life I had a debit card. I spent hundreds of £s a month in takeaways. Then I spent over £100 on diet pills which made me feel ill. In under a year I went from a size 14 to 24 to my mothers horror and mine. I didn’t know about the body positivity movement or Tess Holliday. I only knew that my mom was angry and sad and worried I would die in my sleep one night.

In almost a decade, that has been one of her mantras when talking to me about my weight. That she can’t bury her child and she’s afraid one night I will sleep and not wake up. In her mind its concern, but the way she says it feels like emotional manipulation.

Reading back there’s a lot of mother bashing going on, but it is not intentional. Some people are besties with their mothers and I prefer a more distant relationship. We will eventually get to the daddy issues but that will take some tears and a while before I can go into that.

I crave the catharsis of writing. The word vomit and jumbled feelings in the pit of my stomach. It helps me see myself as that idealistic 16 year old with a heart full of dreams and hopes. Not the current dried out husk I think I am now. I think of my future in abstract terms.

I don’t see a family, mortgage or dog. I just see myself barely existing. I feel this with a resigned calmness. Then I have my internal spiral of being to shortsighted and hasty in writing my life off at 25. I read tweets about people finding first love in their 30s, going back to school in their 40’s and getting into their careers in their 50s. Then I hear that voice in the far corner of my mind whispering, do I even want to make it to my 40’s…

And I answer back quietly that I really don't want to make it to my 40s. I’ll maybe hold on till my parents die so my mom doesn’t lord it over me that she had to bury her child and not the other way around. But some nights I really don’t want to be alive. Some nights I wish I was never born and just like clockwork the tears start. Those tears that I hold in and the dark thoughts I numb with the stimuli of food, YouTube and now K dramas.

For the past few years, I have made my Other World. This Other World is essentially a parallel universe. In this universe I have no issues with food, I have an incredible metabolism that means I can eat virtually anything without guilt. I make friends my first day of college and join so many student societies and actually participate. I push myself in school and get into my mother’s dream of a Russell Group. I choose LSE though she wishes I chose Queen Mary. I work hard, join the Law Society, meet a lovely British Nigerian with a great background, we date a few years and get married. I get a Masters in Creative Writing and have an amazing blog which gets adapted to a critically acclaimed series and I am fulfilled.

Sometimes my Other World self changes. She is the daughter of millionaires who is a genius, polyglot and fighter of social justice. I can sing, know martial arts and take the movie world by storm. Other times I am just pretty and living a simple but happy life. I know in my heart that these are just fantasies and sometimes I wish I could be like Buffy in that episode of BTVS and stay stuck in that Other World fully. I’m sure you’re thinking about my family who I’d leave behind. My response is I can’t miss them if I never remember I had them.

I am the first daughter, the Ada. My parents though flawed always tell me I am a great role model for my siblings. I am seemingly still a virgin, don’t drink, do drugs or rock the boat too much. And I feel even worse. I feel guilty that with all they have sacrificed that they have been stuck with an average daughter and by upper middle class Nigerian standards, if that even exists, a sub par Ada. I feel defective looking around and seeing others in the peak of their careers, vetting engaged, building houses for their parents. I am still afraid of driving!! I can’t even get that basic skill down.

4 years post LLB, no LLM to at least lessen me not being a lawyer and stuck in a customer service role almost 3 years now. I know I am at fault for not making the right decisions. Not applying for the grad jobs or vacancy schemes in time. Being so down and depressed I wouldn’t leave my room for days and weeks at a time. Failing all my LLM modules, adding back all the weight and more after boot camps with my parents, not having enough savings and having an even worse accent after almost a decade in the UK.

My self-deprecating joke I tell is that my sister is the multi talented one, my brother the smart ambitious one and as my parents say I have a big heart. That essentially my parents would say my thing is having a big heart, like that ever helped anyone build a career. I thought if I couldn’t write then I could maybe study Social Work. That got shot down by my mother and I was persuaded to go into the path of Law for University. I applied for Social Work Schemes and got rejected multiple times over multiple years. I was too scared to sink my own money to self fund a Social Work Masters in case it became another LLM fiasco. SO now I have made Teaching my next career goal. I am resigning myself to it the way Henry the 8ths spouses and mistresses must have whenever he wanted to bed them. Powerless and without a choice. Then I think that’s  false equivalency and my pain could not be on the level of the pain they must have endured.

So many feelings, deep thoughts and memories flow out when I get the writing urge. I will likely never actually share this in full for obvious reasons except maybe anonymously. These few pages have jumped through quite a few time periods and experiences. My thoughts aren’t always linear and that ties in with something else I acknowledge but haven’t been serious about. I legitimately think I have ADHD and/or BPD. Watching the diagnosis episode of Crazy Ex Girlfriend by the amazing Rachel Bloom shone a light on feelings and behaviours I have had for a while. Maybe that’s why from the first episode of the show I was in love. She was stuck in the past, holding onto Josh who represented a time in her life of happiness. She had cutaways to magical musical numbers involving herself and the people around her.

The ADHD comes from following iconic black women on twitter who were outspoken about their diagnosis and bringing focus to how black women were being underdiagnosed. But then I think maybe I want to have ADHD as an excuse for the failures in my life and with the current NHS waiting lists I may not get a formal diagnosis for a while. So for now I manage and exist.

I like being honest in my writing. Exposing those dark parts of myself that I let fester in the recesses of my heart and mind. 

[eshithepetty]

Tips on how to be productive when you've fallen into a rut

In many times in my life, I've reached a place where I just can't focus on what needs to be done, making reality all too overwhelming. These are just some things that I've found have helped me, and I'm mostly writing this to get it out of my chest and somewhere where I can see and remember them, but maybe they can help someone else, too, so... here they are:

Find an activity that calms and inspires you.

It can be anything. It just has to be something that doesn't put extra weight on your shoulders, that you can be done and finished with and that doesn't make you feel dejected or distracted from reality, instead making you view it in a more positive, tangible light.

For me, that would be walks around nature on a good day. It makes me remember all the sights and smells and beauty around me that I've forgotten, helps me think in a way that doesn't overwhelm me, and it doesn't require any effort beyond the physical activity.

For you it might be something different, like going window shopping, or taking a drive, or meditating, or, if socialising energizes you instead of tires you, hanging out with friends for a while, etc. so just find that thing, and remember to use it when you're feeling up to it.

Don't stress about what you should be feeling.

It can be easy to fall into spirals of self deprecation and confusion when you feel like you can do nothing else but feel and think. But try not to go against yourself like that. You can't control your emotions. Instead of treating them like an enemy to overcome, try to work with them.

Are you feeling overwhelming sadness and regret? Let it all out, as to not feel that pressure anymore, and maybe ask for an outside perspective to not fall into loneliness and repetition. Are you feeling angry or frustrated? Find a way to channel it healthily, whether through venting or through creative expression, allowing yourself to do something out of spite (while remembering to do it without targeting others and furthering the spiral). Are you feeling tired? Take a nap, or, if it's mental exhaustion, do something that doesn't require effort, allow yourself time to recover despite what's going on around you, and so on.

Find the things that work for you, and remember, your mind is not your enemy, it's you. It's just you. And your feelings are not something to be pushed aside, they're to be expierenced and cared for.

Also, remember your basic needs - try to get enough sleep, maybe try to gradually rework your sleep schedule if you need to, remember to eat, to drink, get some physical activity as to not get too wound up, clean yourself and the space around you etc. Your routine on that stuff may not be normal or ideal, but just keep it in mind, and try to steer yourself to a healthier state.

Focus on not what you need to do, but on what you can do.

This is similar to the last point in that it's an effort to not let yourself spiral needlessly. You may feel like you're not doing enough, like you're not doing what you need to do at this point in time, but wallowing in regret and forcing yourself, in turn exhausting yourself more, won't help you. Instead, think on what you actually want to do, or what you feel will require the least effort, and start with that.

The order in which you do things doesn't matter, unless you have a very strict schedule. But even then, just getting something out the way can be motivating, and, if you can, remember that reaching out and trying to work out things with other people if you truly feel the deadlines are too daunting is a possibility, and can be big help.

Just, remember, things will be okay. Focus on what you can do at the moment, and let all the other things fall from your mind.

If you're feeling distracted, write things down.

Don't bottle up your thoughts - rerouting your attention can be hard, and it probably won't come by force. If you want to do or say something, it can be helpful to get it out of your mind and on paper, and, if you want to, you can return to those rambles later and see if something there interests you, if there's something there that you still want to do. The goal is to not have it be in the way while you're trying to focus on something else.

Make not to-do lists, but have-done lists.

To-do lists can be useful, but sometimes, they can also be too daunting, and what could work better is having reminders of your positive achievents only. Sit down at the end of your day, and simply mark down all you've done today, including small tasks, like brushing your teeth or dishes or exercising, whatever you feel proud of. Maybe hang those up somewhere, too, and let those lists remind you that you have done things, and you can do them again. And, perhaps, you'll also see the list increase with time.

So, yeah. That's all for now, but feel free to add stuff that's helped you, if you want to. Wishing you all a pleasant week <3

[essentiallifeskillsuk]

Top Tips for Surviving Christmas

Christmas and New Year can be challenging time for many people living with mental health issues.  Below are some tips and suggestions on how to get through this time. 1. Plan Quiet Time If you know that you are going to be around more people than usual over the Christmas period plan in some times when you have some quiet time to recharge.  Socialising can be exhausting, especially if it's not something you are used to doing or you are going to around people you would not normally see.  Having some time out, even if its just 10 or 15 minutes here or there can be a lifeline and allow you time to catch your breath.  Some examples of activities that allow this quiet space include dog walking, washing up after a meal, taking a bath or shower, reading a good book or magazine, meditation or prayer, puzzles and jigsaws and watching a film or TV programme. 2. Limit Alcohol Intake It's tempting, especially when it's a celebration, to drink a little more than usual.  The difficulty with this is that alcohol can intensify emotions, so if you are feeling sad then you may feel worse.  It can also lower inhibitions so be mindful of the people you are socialising with and watch that you don't say more than you would like.  If you decide to drink a little more try to avoid drinking on an empty stomach and consider alternating alcoholic drinks with non alcoholic drinks.  Also if you are prescribed medication check out how it interacts with alcohol.  Ideally ask your doctor or the pharmacist at your local chemist.  Medications should also come with some guidance notes with contraindications and this can also guide you as to the suitability of mixing alcohol with medication. 3. Check Medication If you take regular medication check that you have enough to last you through this period and put in any repeat prescription in plenty of time.  Many surgeries and pharmacies take about 3 working days to process prescriptions but giving yourself a full week will give you some leeway in case there are any issues that need ironing out.  Also if you have a medication that you just take during difficult times check that you have enough and that it hasn't expired.  Your pharmacist should be able to help you if you are not sure. 4. Aim for Authenticity with Emotions It's not always possible or appropriate to be completely honest about your feelings but try to avoid completely masking your emotions.  This can lead to feeling under pressure and can make the act of socialising feel false and like you are acting a part.  You may not feel safe enough with the people you are with to be completely yourself so sticking with vague and general comments about your health and mood maybe better.  They will allow you to feel truthful without feeling too vulnerable or exposed. 5.  Maintain Social Contacts If you are someone who has less social contacts and is likely to be alone over the festive holidays then look for other ways you can reduce any feelings of loneliness or isolation.  Try and get out of the house every day over the holiday period, even if you are just going for a short walk around your local area or walking in your local park.  On Christmas Day going for a post Christmas meal walk is a popular way to fight the feelings of lethargy that can come after eating a big meal so timing your walk around that time will offer you the best opportunity to see other people.  Also many voluntary organisations such as night shelter and animal charities welcome extra assistance over this period.  If this is something you think you would like to do make sure you contact any agencies in advance to find out if you need to complete any paperwork or attend a volunteer induction prior to helping out.  If you identify with a faith group then places of worship can also provide some opportunities for socialising and seeing people.  Social media and online forums offer another option for socialising and staying in touch with friends and family. 6. Keep Occupied If you are expecting to spend the holiday period alone this year then try to plan in activities to keep you occupied over the festive period.  Hobbies like gardening, caring for pets, creative hobbies and sporting or exercise based activities will all help to keep you occupied.  Also check the useful links part of this site for links to other websites that may help you to fill your time. 7. Reach Out for Help if Needed Although most statutory organisations close for part of the Christmas and New Year there will still be many voluntary services and emergency services still available.  Organisations like the Samaritans open 24hrs every day of the year.  Other services like Sane, No Panic, Combat Stress and Silverline will also be open for at least part of every day over the period.  To find your nearest A & E unit, out of hours clinics and emergency services click on the link for the NHS website.  Check their websites for more information or their exact opening hours and the types of support they offer.  Also check the work sheets section for a contact sheet that you can print out and keep to hand.

[peachvng]

Sunday Musings and Reflections

It's about 9.45pm and as I write this I don't feel ready to call it a day. I said I'd take it easy for the bad headache. Ah, I've very little to show for today apart from these small achievements and precious moments, which, truthfully and in the end, add up to something special;  Getting a full eight hours sleep Completing my full morning routine including meditation and exercise Writing scribbles and new ideas for songs I haven't finished yet Managing to submit a 5 minute contribution for a compulsory pathology discussion Practicing guitar home alone in the bathroom where the acoustics feel the best Spending time at Grandad's and Popo's An evaluation: Some of these activities I was fully engrossed in, I assure you the path discussion contribution was one, and yet some I only began to appreciate in hindsight as I began writing this journal entry. I'm distracted most of these days and so here's the conclusion I've come to: I'm not doing what I NEED to do. Maybe I need to move out, maybe I need to socialise more, maybe I need to share more of my creative content or maybe I'm just not making or learning enough stuff. Whatever, I know it's prevented me from putting my whole heart into my actions of late and this is for me a saddening reality. To the extent that I don't even offer sincere gratitude to my relatives when they cook delicious meals that have me well fed, I say little in social spaces and am afraid to acknowledge those I recognise, simply because I'm uncomfortable staring. Accumulating these negative approaches in confined time frames and spaces has me going mad inside and leaves an unhealthy external manifestation of cold and glassy blankness in my face and posture...BUT THIS IS FIXABLE! By working to improve these things one step at a time, I can overcome my inhibitions. I know it... Somehow related to watching Kevin Abstract – at his shows (where he's most confident) engaging in strong crowd participation, watching his creative process or share his origin story... it all makes me want to do amazing things, constantly, one after the other and to DREAM BIG. He branches out beyond music. Like Dev Hynes (Blood Orange), HE DOES WHATEVER HE'S CUROUS ABOUT. HE GOES FOR IT AND IT DOESN'T MATTER when he fails cos he keeps getting back up again and PUSHING ON, leaving a trail of hard losses AND HUGE WINS, all the while amassing his own personal growth, life experience and energy enough to make the amazing things in his head his future. his destiny.  Beyond: I'VE BEEN SO PASSIVE FOR MOST OF MY LIFE IT'S TIME I BECAME THE HERO I NEEDED. If I could combat and overcome my biggest challenges and document, share and project how I do that out into the world at max volume in authentic, unique and captivating ways, all the hardship, all the struggles, the angst, uncertainty and loneliness I experience in the short term would be worth it. What are my struggles? Who can I empower? The anxious individual. he needs a leg up. To live for one's self  instead of for the sake of others. IT'S GOOD TO BE GUIDED BUT NOT CONTROLLED; EVERYBODY NEEDS TO LET THEIR LIVES SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES FIRST AND OTHERS SECOND. Self love and whole-hearted living. It's easy to live a hard life but hard to live an easy life; the latter, in which you live and breathe loving kindness for yourself and subsequently others is so hard but so fucking important and precious and in demand. Just the tip of the iceberg; I have to address how to deal with toxic waste in the forms of habits and beliefs, people I mix with, places and ideas, COMPARISON etc... I have to figure out the authentic and unique way to send out these messages (through trial and error, ie less thinking, more doing). There are heaps of people I can think of both near and far from me that I think I can help, but how can I? By getting off my ass. The editing process for any work I do should be 1) Do it for me - something I can benefit from 2) Revise so friends benefit 3) Revise for haters; so they listen. I feel a duty of care and I feel the weight every time I run away from it. It hurts so much I get blinded and overwhelmed...sedated by it. Feels like that almost every day; losing sight of the bigger picture when I go back to uni. lectures. Getting lost in micro till it starts polluting macro, for eg: this month I've gotten caught up over whether or not I'll get to take a gap year next year. Whether or not my grades by the end of the year will allow it. Pressure of exams. pressure...I see it all as a big problem but I've come to realise it isn't because the end gaol for me isn't getting the gap year. It's learning how to deal with what I've got and to thrive with it instead of survive. (yep, the human game has changed.) So if I have to repeat year 3 of uni, it's not shameful, I haven't failed. I can't feel dejected or demoralised because the focus for me, without question is How can I learn to thrive right now? Keeping this in mind as frequently as possible and engaging with the question just as often will be the reason I succeed in the game, the game I'M CHOOSING to play. LESSONS to be learned from the week: If you're attracted to the girl that's giving you good eye contact introducing yourself's a must To say VOLUNTEERING is rewarding, humbling and a gift received on both ends is an understatement; get involved asap Change your approach to journal writing; when you start focusing on the problem, switch to the solution. This entry shows benefits of doing so Read Michael Mosley and take charge of your eating choices Bad experiences can still add lots of value to your life IF you allow them to; try and see the positives and how they can help you live better today Write a list of reasons you can place love and trust in yourself for when you're overcome by self doubt. Review and reinforce it. Smile if something makes you want to smile; love what you want to love and own and nurture your values so that they shine bright enough for everyone near and far to see Highlights/Top consumptions for the week: Watching 'Imagine' with Chester Chats with Liv Singing prac and playing guitar in bathroom investing time in curating a good outfit Going out even if I'm not feeling it Bright Thinking Mental Health Summit in Mathers House and Mindspeak at Hobart Brewing Models by MM Brockhampton noisey,reddit,LikeAVersion,RogerVee AlfoMedia The Social Animal - David Brooks Medivision Getting a bowl cut. thanks Ma Productive study in the library Being present around friends at uni Dissect season 3: oh Frank

[veniceperformanceart]

Ein Gespräch – A Conversation

By Aisha Ryannon Pagnes

Conversations between ART WEEK writer Aisha Ryannon Pagnes and artists and co-curators of the III Venice International Performance Art Week 2016.

Photograph © Claudia Popovici.

In order of appearance:

(LSC): Leisa Shelton-Campbell

(JK): Julius Kaiser

(ADR): Alexander Del Re

(ARP): Aisha Ryannon Pagnes

(K): Kyrahm

(NF): Nicola Fornoni

(DQ): Douglas Quin

(SW): Susanne Weins

(SV): Sašo Vollmaier

(HC): Helen Cole

(LC): Lorne Covington

(JM): James McAllister

(PRS): Preach R Sun

(JE): Jeannette Ehlers

(NB): Nathalie Anguezomo Mba Bikoro

The gift, or the awful burden of the artist is that they see details in the world and they see their implications and that is what they bring into the space; we all walked passed that old woman, we all walked past that box on the ground by that old woman, we all walked passed. But they can’t because of the dynamic of that person and how they relate to the very fact that people were walking past and they have to do something with it. But we were all there. I don’t think they can present anything different, they are just presenting rather than ignoring. (LSC)

The difference between manifesting and showing is getting to the heart. (JK)

And by mediating between ideas and people you are in a position where you can open a question, but I doubt we can provide an answer; I am not convinced that I have any solution to the problem. (ADR)

How do you think this can be misinterpreted? (ARP)

These topics are so fragile that anything is enough to cause misunderstanding. (K)

When something is taken out of context and put into an anonymous realm

it is everyone’s to play with and assume a context for. (LSC)

It is not that complex, in fact, it is very simple… (NF)

Disconnect the brain and connect the heart.

And it is that idea of being alive, and maybe it is as simple as that. (DQ)

There was a very strong need to express movement. It is there that I felt the most alive.

This feeling of where life is… (SW)

But the reality is that when I close the door I close myself. So this is what I need to learn, how to live this quality outside... (SV)

What is this quality?

It’s curiosity… This is what I am looking for, not just for others but also in my Self.

Believing in human creativity… all this aggression, all these suppressed feelings exist because we are creative creatures… so he welcomed aggression, to ask what’s behind this, what’s unread and to transfer this aggression into the voice, into movement, dance; to focus on each person’s expression as a creative source… and express this… this fragility… and suddenly all these colours… but you have to go through all those true personal states, you really have to go into your guts and feel this pain to find a true voice, something which is meaningful… (SW)

I was always connected to the voice through my family… more so with my father.

There were nine children in the family and I think singing was also a way to survive.

They would sing together to get emotionally stronger,

so this tradition I remember because they kept it, till now.

For me performance is almost like surviving. It is going to a deep process of… almost of death… and surviving this… many fears… (SV)

Sašo Vollmaier and Susanne Weins. Photograph © Lorenza Cini.

It is the cornerstone of art, because art for art’s sake is so tautologically irrelevant, it is very easy to produce, it is a comfort zone for many artists. I need some challenge and the challenge involves the other, it involves failure, in many ways, because in performance you are not supposed to have everything under control and do exactly as you thought you would, I don’t believe in that kind of practice. (ADR)

Knots were forming and I wasn’t able to disentangle them. I wasn’t able to make a homogeneous wig: it was full of knots. It was all a process of becoming and I wanted to let myself be transported by a continuous and unpredictable flow.

I found myself within the situation and I wasn’t trying to govern it,

I let my Self be moved, I surrendered.

When I am performing I am in a therapeutic level. I do try to transform something from its negative to its positive through actions towards the public.(NF) Even though we are not using performance art as therapy, we are not supposed to, we are not qualified to, it has some therapeutic aspects to it at some levels and I am aware that I am using it in my own personal life. You are using your body not only as a tool, but as a terrain, as a battlefield and addressing phobias is a good way to be aware of the body, because you become aware of its fragility. (ADR)

It dealt with an aspect of loss. (HC)

It is part of life… Tied to the gestural action, to the preciousness your feel of yourself, or a body, or a relationship, or an experience lived personally. Art needs to make you identify with what it wants to say, with the mind, with the spirit and heart. (NF)

How much more marvellous and essential, of synthesis, direct, a punch to the stomach, no filters. (JK)

It is just an ongoing investigation (ADR) of addressing things that our minds have problems with: it touches you at a visceral level, and that is a way of getting people to think about it. (DQ)

It is an open exercise in dealing with difficulties, especially when you are dealing with something that can be really difficult to perceive, it’s a good exercise for understanding other people’s perception, too.

Many times we forget about what the audience perceives or what they want to perceive, and sometimes it is interesting to work with things that are difficult to perceive for the audience, too, because there is always someone in the audience that can do that and others that can’t. Many of the things I address come from my daily experience, and how the understanding of one another can be faulty in many ways or incomplete, and I feel the need of addressing these issues, maybe just to provide some other perspective. And sometimes that change of perspective can be very useful for an audience, to see something that they haven’t seen before. Art is a communication tool really. It is a form that can create ways of communicating with each other, in unexpected ways, complex ways, lots of ways. If there is no communication I think performance art would be empty. Performance art creates a temporary situation in which people can be real but disconnected from reality, and that breaks some of the barriers people have. (ADR)

It’s about place. You are bringing everybody together in that place and giving to them a way to interact with one another in a way they never have before. Really creating a new kind of space. (LC)

It’s a different language. (JK)

So then you realise that it is a common language, which maybe has something to do with a collective common imaginary. (K)

I think it is the only language that enables you to express your Self with authenticity and without added filters. I had a necessity of extreme truth in terms of my own personal life, and through art I found the way to express my Self without suffering. The moment I live the creative experience I feel like I am living in the right dimension.

Everything recomposes in equilibrium, harmoniously. (K)

It can lead to failure, but failure isn’t failure if you think of it in terms of growth. (ADR)

James McAllister. Photograph © Edward Smith.

I wanted to work with people, to be in touch with people…

I studied human beings, and this was so interesting. Our task was to study, to see what the problems are… we had to learn how to see, to look at people, to learn what they could have.

I see the strength of people. I see the strength of the body… loosing blood while keeping concentration… how strong the body is... So then I wondered:

“What is the most fragile?”

And then I thought: “Yes... relations... society, how to cope for example with strains, with this energy…

This is the most fragile… relations... what we try to do really is to strengthen relationships.” (SW) And to rediscover ourselves socially, not in places of worship, socialising or business transactions, but a shared art making creates a safe space to discover each other potential— an inward turning of outward creative energies. (DQ)

It gives space to more direct relationships, as opposed to the daily mundanity, which is based a lot on the flattening of conversations, flattening of time, which always runs short anyway, so then here your are giving your Self, your time, you go back to a way of relating that is normal, before or beyond contemporaneity.

It gives space to be able to accept that which I went through with the energy that the public gives back. This freedom from negativity I find it to be an experiential exchange of love. (NF)

I wanted to use something that is personal and social at the same time, almost anyone has some sort of phobia.( ADR)

But the necessity doesn’t lie in needing to talk about one’s Self, but to express the message, which in us is entrusted. Revealing one’s Self, revealing one’s own fragility somehow gives you strength because not hiding your own discomfort which in any case you are constantly afraid of it being revealed, gives you awareness... And awareness is everything. (K)

When we release something, we lose this sense of judgment. (SV)

Seeing their emotion, the trembling of their voices… their breath even, under the gaze of the public. (K)

You are tackling immaterial fragile relationships… And because you need to engage the audience somewhat directly, fragility has to be seen… but what happens if you don’t see anything, if you just perceive something. For some people that perception can be interesting but for some people it does nothing, that too can happen. (ADR)

I don’t know how far it goes once it leaves the room… (LC)

OK so what’s for dinner? (DQ)

Douglas Quin and Lorne Covington. Photograph © Alexander Harbaugh.

I know that things that touched me deeply in my life I still remember and have coloured my perspective, so hopefully what happens when they leave the room, who knows, you touch them in some sort of way. (LC)

It is my strong belief that something very special can happen between people, where you have to be very present both as an audience and as an artist, and there is something about our world that kind of prevents you from doing that; a lot of the time we build up resistance to that and I think performance is one of those strategies we can employ to break down the border, to 

Feel. Again. Together. (HC)

In Ecce (H)omo (by Kyrahm) there is a woman in the second room.

She is listening to her partner’s tapes:

Love messages.

She was with her for 23 year.

You are there with her, your back to the wall, facing this woman’s profound love.

So I am showing you this sentiment, and this can be far more effective than a debate on the meaning of love (and the violation of human rights when societal structures neglect this on the basis of categorisations.) (ARP) Therefore, at a certain point art and activism meet and it is this, being able to use effective ways and enable the public to reach the same conclusions, vehicled by a different language, that of the heart that enabled this connection, between everyone. (K)

It is based on the simple biology of osmosis, you have a concentration of saline solution and a membrane and a concentration of lower saline solution, and what happens is the salt passes through the membrane, it is what happens in our cells, the salt passes through the membrane until the concentration of salinity are equal, that is what I think is I’m trying to look at.

I aspire to creating some sort mechanism where the flow of information in between the artist and the witness is kind of equal, where there is as much coming one way as there is the other, so what I tried to make was a series of apertures through which things would flow in both directions, in a more or less restricted way. (JM)

An encounter between people. (K)

You have this range of intensity of what you can exchange, so the value of that transaction really depends on how much you are willing to put into it. (ARP)

The creation of a link between my Self and the other,

how am I reflected in the other and how they are reflected in me. (ADR)

Sometimes, situations confront you with yourself, in whichever way and then you realise that you have a lot to work on… and the connecting link here is this recognised belief that everything is so fragile, and that we are not perfect, and that we need to connect, and we need to share, and we need to understand one another. (ARP)

Confrontation requires a great effort. (K)

some people were eager to discuss this

some people didn’t want to address it at all

and some people even rejected it. (ADR)

No matter what you feel, the very fact that you won’t understand it, that you want to reject it...

It is already too late because I planted a seed in you. (PRS)

Leisa Shelton-Campbell and Marilyn Arsem. Photograph © Claudia Popovici.

Art is a peaceful rebellion. (NF)

A form of resistance.

There are various forms of resistance. (JK)

There is no attention to the individual, which could be a universe of its own, categorical to nothing. I could even choose to be a completely transparent being, indefinable, that daily morphs its own gender, its own identity, this too can exist...

Yet convictions of what society expects from you, that perform a function, can at some point become very strong shackles of social control and to live the experience of deconstructing and re-inventing who you are (K) has to do with self-determination: I define myself based on what I feel, not based on what is imposed on me.

And the political act is that to show one’s Self for who you are, and the language of performance art is that of the body, which in any case is true to itself. A person is born with a body, like we all do and this body is ‘described’ based on notions of gender. Human society has prerequisites, it has rules; that everything should return to a gender binary. (JK) There is no acknowledgment of the various infinite shades of identity. (K) Society still expects a boy or a girl. (JK)

A society still highly patriarchal, catholically conditioned and controlled, and it shows through these issues. (K)

It has to do with the amount of differences that each individual is being exposed to – culturally, mentally, religiously spiritually; suddenly everything enters your sphere of how the other lives and it can be threatening because we are so basic, we are so simple and we need comfort, we need stability and the moment it is disrupted you instil this sense of fear; it takes a lot of self-deconstruction to be able to realise what is the faulty key in the system, in relationships, in society, but in order to do that you have to present a model or to inspire a means of communication that is uncharted, and to see it objectively

and that is really difficult because you are also part of it. (ADR)

Artivism if you may. (K)

Activism has a lot to do with reclaiming.

A neglected right that I reclaim, so most often there is a contraposition where these situations create conflicts and internal ones, too, because what I see in the world, my partner sees differently, and so you create a conflict based on differences.

The dynamic of the message is something else, and the main difference here is that in art there is no counterattack. There is feeling, there is enabling a condition to be felt, and that may just as well bring people closer, despite their clashing ideologies. Activism is frequently tied to the contrast in ideologies; in art ideologies don’t reign, there is the human experience, there is life, there is death, there is sickness, there is joy, there is love, there is suffering.

But this suffering, I try to share... there is sharing, yes, so it is a different approach that tends to shorten gaps, or perhaps even widen them, at an emotive level, because effectively I can distance myself from a strong emotion, but it is a peaceful reaction. (JK)

So rather than just talking about statistics or climate change as a political problem or an issue, I think it is important to appeal to people’s senses and emotions rather than just their intellect, so people can hear and not just be overwhelmed by data of how quickly the ice is melting or what have you…

So, what does it sound like?... (DQ)

Is that a voice? Is that the wind? (LC)

How do we relate?

We relate to one another through sight, through sound, through touch…

Alexander Del Re. Photograph © Edward Smith.

So I think the sensory engagement is a very important part of the message rather than just a data dump where people can feel overwhelmed and a bit helpless.

It becomes art as a social interaction.

The ultimate goal for us, is self-awareness but also awareness of what’s out there. (DQ)

So with all this raising of awareness, the need to communicate these ideas (because art in a way is just another tool for communication) everyone is craving answers, everyone is craving solutions, so what should an audience go home with? (ADR)

That human voices are part of a fabric of many voices. (DQ)

As an artist you can provide possibilities, ideas, or questions that can be tackled differently, and I you can rethink possibilities but I don’t think there is a solution that I can provide. (ADR)

Part of the contract of the piece is how you relate to each other and not just to the work. People then become aware of their own behaviour, and aware of other people, and that is the key for us. That you become more self-aware but also more aware of other people.

That it’s not just me, I, we, it’s us.

That dynamic is really beautiful, and people get it when they start paying attention. (DQ)

That difference of active engagement. So this is about layers of responsibility, of people’s desire to engage to take time, to go in and say “oh yep, got it” or to chose to go in and have a relationship and bid your time and to make the transaction, which some people really did, and when you see it all there, you get this really clear representation of humans.

Here we all are, here it all is. The levels with which we transact our relationships.

And that is very telling. (LSC)

An ongoing investigation of human relations. (ADR)

Bianca Bonaldi and Nicola Fornoni. Photograph © Catarina Ragg.

And now when I see people talking about progress, in my personal experience we have not progressed at all. So for me the issue of race in America is something that I experience first hand, so when I hear people philosophise or talk about these issues from this hypothetical or statistical point of view, and not understanding the experience and how it plays out, it sometimes infuriates me.

If we can postulate that human beings are free by nature, but that freedom requires a moral and intellectual responsibility, and if we live in a society where so many of us are struggling and starving while so few have so much, then what I do know is that this society is not free. So if someone says that we are scared of freedom, it means we are scared to fighting against something, because if we reach humanity that means that people won’t be in prisons, people won’t be starving, we’d be taking care of each other. I don’t know what freedom is, but I think that is what it would look like, maybe it is utopian. I think we are in a pre-revolutionary phase now, and unfortunately that’s where a lot of people don’t like me because I describe myself as an anarchist and an active nihilist. I believe that you have to burn down in order to rebuild. First and foremost, we have to organise.

I think the poor have to organise, the black have to organise around the globe, and I think everyone else will organise around, and that is why I use blackness as a political means to activate revolution. But I don’t think we would want to do that because we are constricted or tied down or bound by need, so we need things to look like this, we need our cars, we need our nice clothes, we need our bars, we need to sit in big comfort, so that is why I think the brilliance of capitalism and globalisation is that it has us conditioned, and that is how we remain slaves, so it might seem impossible, and it is impossible if we think it is impossible. We are scared of being failures, it is this conditioning, fear of being ostracised. “What do you mean you don’t have this or that?” So I think it is that condition where in essence we are perpetuating our own slavery. (PRS)

Even failure is a good thing to experience, but of course it is difficult to embrace failure, you are not supposed to, that is the problem. (ADR)

What is not freedom –

That we live like this is not freedom. We have to crush the blocks, all of them, and I think they reflect issues of sexuality, race, religion, culture, we have to question everything; all these things that we don’t want to question, all these institutions, they have to be challenged, so how far do we want to go? I am hopeful about younger generations, but at the same time

I don’t think they will be as radical; it is difficult for white children to free themselves from privilege. It’s always our responsibility to be vigilant and to stand up against the powers. And I think that to co-opt and to be a part of the system, takes over at a certain point because it is called responsibility, it is called adulthood, there are many ways to try to get the youth to change their minds. So I think it is always a thing that when people are young they are radical, they are standing for the date, they believe in freedom, they believe in these things and it is not fair to blame them, it happens with every generation. It is hard to break free.

It is hard for anybody to standalone.

And hear people talk about you and call you crazy.

I think generally humans want to love each other, or they try, but I think there is a flaw in humanity. (PRS)

And art is a tool, a social weapon. (NF)

Preach R Sun and ORLAN. Photograph © Alexander Harbaugh.

I have encountered racism many times. Maybe more subtly, but still I experience racism every day, since the structure of our society is racist. It might not be personal to me, but still the whole structure of the society influences me as well. The stronger you are in your own history, the stronger you will seem. They listen to you because they see that there is a connection, they might not understand that but they see that something is there. I don’t expect people to do it overnight, it takes time, I’m still trying to decolonize myself, I’m not there at all and it is an ongoing thing because it is so rooted in our structures, deep into ourselves, it takes a long time, I wonder if it will be in my lifetime… and that is what I’m trying to do,

I hope that it can have an impact, that it can help people see alternatives and to move on in different directions. I am also educating myself all the time; so it is a long journey, not tiring at all, but there is a lot of work to do, for myself but also for the community as well, for the nation. (JE)

What does it mean to decolonise? (ARP)

It’s a matter of choices, its a matter of possibilities, it is a long-term work, you can’t really do it like this, I don’t know what the future will look like but I just hope that my work and what we are all doing here, is capable of changing the mindset of people, so we can have a future with more equality. It doesn’t have to be this way, the society is a structure, it is a European structure, the way it looks now. There are so many other pre-Columbian societies that looked different, not that I want us to go back to being in the jungle, but the mindset and the perception of the world could be very different, and still we could evolve and move forward in new ways. So that is what I’m trying to do, that my work will at least inspire people to think outside the box. And now we are having so much gender talk, and we are trying to give voice to so many different perceptions of what it is to be a human being.

Life is so full of nuances,

and why don’t we allow them to be there, why don’t we allow all these voices to be heard, but that is the structure that we live in, and that is the colonial structure, that it has to be one way, but the colonial structure that is in power of the world is just a structure, it could be different, it could be another structure. (JE)

It has to do with our education and the history taught across the spectrum globally is or has been authoritarian in some way. The artist’s voice is a way to deconstruct that, to say that there are histories out there and they should be prominent too. It doesn’t mean that if it is written in a history book that it is OK, because it has been published, because, the first thing that people say is “I didn’t hear that, where did you find that information, I didn’t read that.” So then that makes my story not a part of history. The thing is, you have to go on with this conversation. People throw it at you like a spit in the face, “OK I have you now and I am going to make you converse with me, I am going to make you learn how to talk…” Because a lot of people are afraid of their own memory. I see this in Germany, in Berlin, there hasn’t been this exercise of memory, they had to deal with so much since WWII, and so only specific things have been put there... Because it is too much, so there hasn’t been this exercise of memory. It should not be about victimisation, it should be about empowering all communities and being aware of it.

So the first thing that happens is that there is rejection…

Three months later the same person calls me and says,

I’ve been thinking about it…

I see it this way now.

That is history right there, I don’t need to publish it in a book. That is my reality, your reality, our reality, and that is real. I don’t need Sarkozy to tell me that Africa hasn’t entered history yet. You know? Come on… So it is very necessary.

So first I’m telling you the story you know, I’m only speaking in words, but the performance, that says everything because it transcends all of it. I don’t even need to speak, and you understand it and it’s you. It’s not about me huh. It’s about you, you are decolonizing your own body your own mind, your own history and this takes a lifetime… It is not just nine months, it is your whole life. (NB)

Nathalie Anguezomo Mba Bikoro and Jeannette Ehlers. Photograph © Claudia Popovici.

I’ve been thinking about this question for many years, especially when I am addressing these very sensitive and important issues, which are really relevant in some contexts. So I started to rethink some of the projects that I had based on that, also given the feedback that arose from the interactions which was so relevant that it changed the whole project. So I decided to use it as a tool, because I didn’t want to impose some idea, criteria or vision onto another human being without incorporating the feedback of other people’s point of view. (ADR) My responsibility is to keep doing what I do, and keep revealing and manifesting this cultural narrative and to educate myself so that I can be here and be here the way that I want to be, but I think it is everybody’s responsibility to educate themselves, to know where we are coming from, and to open up and get out of this colonial narrative and structure. Especially for white people it is really necessary to let go of this narrative and listen to those other voices, because there is so much to learn. Because most of the time this whole history is seen as a burden of the black people and not of whites, but it is actually a burden of the whites, too. It is so necessary for whites to let go of this structure. (JE)

I believe that responsibility never ends. Because you are an artist, you are a person, a citizen, you are fundamentally a human being, and so it is an ethical matter, and ethic doesn’t have an off switch, it is something that I carry with me constantly. It is a constant questioning of whether you are behaving in an ethical way, and of course we are humans, so we make mistakes, we even do things which we are ashamed of, otherwise the world would be a different world. And I think that paying attention, if we are able to do so, if you are able to live with the same intensity you live a performance or a theatrical act, even the most mundane aspects of human life when it comes to relationships and respect, you will have a richer life, a beauty not of aesthetics but a beauty of fulfilment that can give meaning to your life. (JK)

The responsibility of the individual is to rebel, no matter what.

What happens in a slave society, is that people don’t understand the power of the individual voice and the responsibility of this individual voice. Under these oppressed positions the way it is designed is that we are dependent upon the very system that is suppressing us, and this is why I compare racial slavery to capitalism. What they replaced with slavery (via capitalism) is something far more nefarious and far more oppressive, which is need. So we feel like we need this situation, because we have this idea of capitalism, we fetishise the Dollar, or the Euro or whatever, so our relationship to money is that we need money to live and that’s not the case. Money is a piece of paper, so our lives are invested in pieces of paper that we feel conditioned to strive for, when in fact if everyone said “Fuck this, this piece of paper doesn’t mean anything” then the system would fall, it would stop; but we fetishise, and we are taught that. So I think that the individual’s job is to see through and to sacrifice themselves, and I think that we don’t understand is that no matter how many of us want to just live our lives and be safe and secure, in order to get free you have to sacrifice, you have to be willing to die for it, because no one is going to give it to you, because the thing that we don’t understand in this capitalistic situation is that it is spreading throughout the world and it is predatory. It is designed to just crush the poor. That’s not democracy, that’s not freedom by any stretch of the imagination. So we are free no more than free-range chickens; you place animals on the farm and you just let them roam, but you are waiting to fatten them up for the slaughter house, like cows. You just put grass there and they won’t leave, you don’t even need to put fences up – and that is where we are, circumscribed by need. This is what we have to break out of, this idea that we need this way of life. Because what we don’t seem to understand is that, in fact, it’s this reality that is actually poisoning us all.

So what you are starting to see now is that there are these pockets or groups of indigenous people in different areas and I feel they all have power, and share equal responsibility (as human beings) in this struggle. For example, Native Americans are fighting to protect the land. We all have a responsibility to stand and fight with them. The strength and struggle of black people (black people have always been known around the globe as the sufferers of racial and systematic oppression) is to stand and fight to abolish the oppressive system of white supremacy – I’m specifically speaking to the construct of race and the economic institution of capitalism, and I feel that if the rest of the world identified with the black struggle then we could all come together, but so often people think that the black struggle is anti-whiteness, as opposed to looking at it like: if poor people oppressed everywhere saw what was happening to black people is inevitably happening to all of us, then you could connect. So I use blackness as a means to liberate.

Yes, first and foremost my goal is to try and liberate my own people, to wake up my people, but at the same time if black people in general are the key to everyone’s liberation, people see it, because we were the ones that were on the first row of oppression, so we saw it. So if you see that and you align with that then we start building, once you build though – and that is the thing that we don’t understand is that inevitably  the enemy is going to reveal itself to you, and they are not going to give it up without a fight – but if we build together we outnumber them. But we are too scared of seeing that; if we build together the rich, the powerful, the status quo, they cannot withstand such an onslaught. But we will have to be willing to die, so I think the only way that this is going to end unfortunately is in revolution. You are talking about nations that hold power through war, so they are not going to give it up, but I think that as long as people stay afraid and say, well we have to honour the civil society, then we are always going to be enslaved. And the richer slaves too, and that’s what they don’t understand, because this is not the nature of our humanity. Our nature as human beings is freedom. We are the manifestation of freedom, so if we are not living free we are all slaves. But the rich don’t care about being slaves, they don’t care about the environment, they don’t care about women’s rights, they don’t care about equal rights for everybody. They care about their rights, and so they will do anything to hold on to that. So the responsibility of the individual is to rebel, so in my work I’m always calling up “Wake up slaves, why don’t you rebel!”

That’s what I think the responsibility of the artist is, to use that power to change the perspectives of people – even if it is difficult and also “to reflect the society.” As an artist, you can’t just go around entertaining. You have this gift, you have this power, you have this voice, so it is your responsibility to stand. And I think that artists right now in the world are the last that can stand, that can say something and change things, but I don’t think it is going to happen as long as art is cloistered away in galleries… (for consumerism), so it’s a reflection of the very society that we are living in, because the artist is so enslaved by the idea of capitalisms. The saddest thing I’ve ever seen is when I look at art in galleries cause it reminds me of animals in zoos, cause the power is taken out of it. It is like the bear over the hearth, the hunter kills the beast and the head is its trophy, so I think art kind of lives in that situation where the artists are thirsty and feel like “Oh I have to work, I have to eat and my value, my validation relies in the capitalist who buys.” So we are traded, we are commodified and our works are as objects. So I don’t think that is radical, the responsibility of the artist is to take it to the street, is to find new ways to disrupt this, to find new ways of revolutionise the society around them, and yes that can be taken the wrong way, it's like saying “What good is it to reason with slaves about freedom,” and when you talk about the phenomenology of reason – we have the gift but we are not reasoning, we are not living free, and we are okay being slaves; that's not freedom.

And some people think that doing something in the streets isn't going to change anything; there are many layers to revolutionary struggle and we have to connect the dots. The artist has a role in social change and activism but unfortunately many artists think of themselves as “I'm an artist and not an activist.”

And that’s a problem, that we aren't dealing with politics. I don't even care about being accepted in the performance art community, that's just accidental. I don't even like the term art, so I feel that the artist's responsibility is to wake up and to radicalise society, and you have to radicalise and revolutionise the minds first so the society around us has to be awake. If you’re not awake and if you're not pushing them to be awake, then they are not going to do anything. So I think the artist can do that, but then we have to be able to connect everybody. We have the responsibility of the farmer, the teacher, of the educator, everyone has a role but we have to see that and connect in order to build something of “whatever your passion is it should be the tool for your liberation.” (PRS)

And journeying through life based on a desire you had during childhood is a process of liberation. (K)

And it is easy for the white person to say it is universal.

So if I’m black, and I’m talking about these issues, but you are stuck on my blackness, my black perspective, does that not make it universal, or does it mean that you just don’t have the ability to allow yourself to go through the blackness to see your Self, this affects me too…

I can only free me and that is responsibility of the individual, I cannot free you. But what I can do is set an example and spark something in you where you say: “You know what, I’m going to free myself, too.” Then we can work together, but I can’t free everybody, I can’t do that, because many people will be like: “Yeah, I want to get free, too” but it’s easier for people to stay in a group, but people standing in a group sometimes do it for different reasons, because its fashionable, its cool… And they essentially become co-opted because what a lot of these people are looking for, is acceptance and validation through what they claim they are trying to fight against. So the responsibility is to go on a journey and to find what is liberation, what is freedom, so they have to find it for themselves, and they have to try to fight to get there. And ultimately I feel that people are not going to go that far.

Radical is dealing with the root, eradicating the root. (PRS)

Photograph © Alexander Harbaugh.

I think one of the good tests you can have as an artist is the perception of the audience, because the audience can sense what is real, what is truth and not in a very instinctive way, and I think the audience is the best way to measure that because as humans we can sense this directly. (ADR)

It is easy to absorb a small amount and walk on and look at the next thing, particularly at an exhibition, but I think, generally, an audience member actually wants more than that. They want a really substantial…. really they want is a transformative experience that they very rarely get, so they don’t expect it. (JM)

It’s like with any artistic experience, you have to be open; if you come with pre-judgment then you will leave with nothing. But if you come in with an open heart then you can have a great experience, regardless of who you are.

It’s about being present and paying attention. It is so undervalued, and that is all you can ask really:

A moment of presence.

We’ve been very interested in the idea of being present and of having agency; being aware that you are changing things. On a simple level it is just being aware of your place in the world. And from the artistic context here, just being aware that you are changing things, as we are always changing things. (DQ)

You are moving in the world and the world is responding to you. (LC)

And if you close your eyes and listen, it is a completely different experience. (ARP)

In this very moment of human history you need something else, you need to create questions rather than saying: “This is the solution, don’t worry, don’t confront.” I don’t want the piss the audience off but I want to create something with the audience that can be disturbing or complex or whatever, but the audience has to resolve some situation, or else it means nothing. It is very easy to see some traditional performances where the body is doing some actions, and the actions are created well, beautifully, and that is it. Then you’ve had a beautiful experience, not to say that it is not needed, you need that too, it is part of life, but it is not the only thing you need. (ADR) That is the sort of transformation of art in our times, it serves as a social conversation for a way of being in the world. (DQ)

The privilege of being an artist is of having this vocation and being able to reach people with this. (NF)

So how do you use your privilege, how do you check your privilege, how do you really challenge yourself?

Really put your privilege where your mouth is.

If you care, really do the work,

by being very open and honest with yourself,

really take the time to look at what is around you (PRS)

to encourage… the most beautiful part here:

how people are adapting, the way people are looking, with curiosity, with respect, with so much humanity. This is the most beautiful aspect of the whole VENICE INTERNATIONAL PERFORMANCE ART WEEK.

It is a little social island of where relationships can strengthen… (SW)

And so what it is enabling are these layers of people becoming better people. (LSC)

There is a lot of cooperation between all involved, no matter their social role within the project and that is a model that is so inspiring… If you can just take a fragment of the message and transpose that into daily life, I think the purpose has been fulfilled. It’s not about the works that are being shown, but about the understanding that is elicited in the viewers… (ARP) There are trapped doors into alternative worlds, in the end it’s about these incredible bodies, rubbing up against each other, and what meanings we make together, and I think artistic work of all kinds creates the opportunities for that, which means that I’m on the lookout for these special encounters because I believe they do come between us all the time… (HC)

Kyrahm and Julius Kaiser. Photograph © Alexander Harbaugh.

Breath, life, the meaning of breath, losing the breath, fragile body,

Breath is really the one thing that makes us the most

Fragile and it is the first to the last thing we’ll ever do as humans.

And when that last breath comes (JM)

It is an exhalation (LSC)

My job is

To plant seeds (PRS)

Sašo Vollmaier and Susanne Weins. Photograph © Lorenza Cini.