#so. i saved myself. i forced myself to get better without the help of anyone else out of sheer spite.

[pink-vulpix]

.

[neobisexual]

had a very intense semi lucid dream last night where i was the daughter/acolyte of an insane cult leader/my dad who performed non consenual surgery on me and molested and raped me. it inspired me to start writing a lil sci fi novella but also to clean out my closet and find my vibrator cuz i was desperate for it after waking up lmfao

[5ummit]

New Mature Content Warning Overlay (And How to Get Rid of It)

More fun community label "features"! Unlike the new mandatory label for #NSFW, this one is a bigger deal to me because it affects my entire blog and it can't be avoided by just using a different tag.

Apparently on custom blog layouts, if you happen to post or reblog even a SINGLE post that's been flagged with the mature content community label, a full-page warning overlay will appear blurring out your entire blog that must be manually clicked through every single time the page is refreshed. At first I thought this was just a bug due to my older layout but I've come to realize it's not. It's a feature (as confirmed by this recent changes post) that affects all custom themes. The formatting will vary based on your own theme but here's what it looks like on my blog:

I don't know about you but I find this is stupid and annoying. If it could be dismissed once and never seen again that might be one thing, but that's not the case. The vast majority of my blog is not "mature" enough to warrant such an aggressive and invasive warning. I also think pop-ups are obnoxious in general and I'll be damned if tumblr's going to force me to have one on MY blog.

After some desperate googling for a known workaround and being unable to find even a single mention of it, I decided to take on the challenge myself. I'm not a theme coder, so apologies if there's a better way to do this, but luckily it only took me like 10 minutes to figure out a simple fix, which I'm now sharing with anyone else who may want it:

.community-label-cover__wrapper {display: none}

Just copypaste that somewhere in your CSS and goodbye pop-up!

If you're not sure how to access your theme code, check out this help article. You can also add the code via the Advanced Options menu, which is actually even better (if you can get it to work, it depends on how your theme was coded), because it will then automatically be reapplied to a lot of themes without having to remember to manually add it every time if you change your theme in the future.

Obviously this will only remove it from your own blog for anyone who may visit it. If you never want to see this warning again on other people's blogs you can also add this custom filter to your ad block:

tumblr.com##.community-label-cover__wrapper

Unfortunately I do not have an easy tutorial on hand for this one as the method will depend on your specific ad block app or extension.

Some additional notes:

After adding the theme code and saving the changes, give it a minute to update as it sometimes takes a little while for the page to refresh.

The warning overlay only seems to appear if a "mature" post is on the FIRST page of your blog, which is still annoying and makes the whole thing even more pointless and stupid because what if someone visits any other page of your blog, and oh no, happens to see "mature" content they weren't warned about?!

The warning also appears on direct links to "mature" posts.

This hack has NOTHING to do with entire blogs that have been flagged as NSFW. It only works for non-flagged blogs with custom themes that happen to have individual "mature" posts.

[houseofwolvess]

man. if i could, i wish i could go back and give me 12yr old self a hug. he needed help so badly but nobody ever gave it to him and i wish i could go back and just tell him that he's gonna make it

[danny-chase]

Things every Dick vs Tim Red Robin fallout gets wrong no matter who's side they take

1. They still loved each other

2. Dick went after Tim after Tim stormed out of the cave. He didn't just leave it at that

3. They didn't have 0 contact, Dick called Tim back to Gotham for Blackest Night. They weren't talking because Tim didn't want to talk

4. Alfred gave Damian the Robin costume initially without Dick's knowledge, and his first mission as Robin was saving Tim's life after he got beat up by Jason (again). He apparently left this mess for Dick to clean up, and I don't think anyone ever told Tim that's how Damian ended up with the mantle

5. Dick helped in the process of bringing Bruce back to the current time, Tim presented his evidence when he got home, and Dick checked it out and solved the time puzzle in Bruce's ancestral home. Tim didn't magically pop back with Bruce after doing everything by himself, it was a coordinated effort that involved the Justice League

6. Tim and Damian started to get along. Not during Red Robin, but during Batman: Gates of Gotham

7. They were both grieving, Dick just masked it better

8. Tim didn't feel like he could ask for help because he knew sounded insane (and was feeling/acting insane). He was doing one of those 'i push away everyone i love because i hate myself' things, which he also did to Steph (who he fired as Spoiler under god knows who's authority) and Cassie. Dick wasn't special in this treatment, and he can't force Tim to stay, so he trusted Tim's judgement and let him leave. It is a "Tim's a sad boy" comic, but he's also very much a part of causing his own problems

9. They still loved each other. They never stopped loving each other. They never hated one another. Both in this era asked the other "Do you trust me?" And the other replied "Yes" and did the thing they asked. *shakes everyone who's ever written about this* that's the whole point, it's about miscommunication, and being in a bad place, but having what you need where you started waiting for you the whole time

[pinkanonwrites]

As Our Fingers Entwine

The end of the trilogy!!! I hope you all enjoy, both newcomers and those who have been eagerly anticipating this piece! It is in fact NSFW, appropriate tags below. Read it on AO3 here!

TRIGUN STAMPEDE EPISODE 7 SPOILERS IN FIC BELOW!

Vash/Reader, 6,000+ Words, AFAB Reader but no specific pronouns used, mutual pining, body worship, frottage, vaginal sex, alien biology, praise kink, enthusiastic consent, begging

You couldn't say for certain why the ambience of the peaceful town didn't lull you to sleep the same way the rattling underbelly of the Sand Steamer seemed to, but you had a distinct feeling it was because you weren't right next to Vash.

You'd never admit it aloud, mainly for fear of revealing your painfully obvious affections for your blond companion, but nowadays you always slept better with Vash by your side. And as happy as Vash seemed to have a room to himself and time to catch his breath, a selfish little part of you had hoped he'd be cheap again, crowd the two of you into a single room to save a few double dollars. The last time you truly got to sleep side-by-side with him was a few bumpy hours on the Sand Steamer, before the incident with the Bad Lads and the shootout and the, well, the entire steamer nearly catastrophically crashing to pieces. There wasn't much sleeping on the bus ride into town either, no matter how exhausted the both of you were. 

And yet, when you collapsed face-first into the surprisingly comfy hotel bed, you found yourself agonizingly conscious. Somehow, a simple wall in between you and Vash was enough to keep you from getting a good night's sleep. Just when did you become so dependent? Now three nights have passed, each one spent tossing and turning, unable to get more than a few blissful moments of shuteye. It wasn't like you were scared, or even stressed! Your body had just acclimated to the idea of sleeping curled up next to Vash, and now without him…

"Hey, anybody home in there?"

"...Hmm? Oh! Oh, yeah, I'm listening." You hadn't realized you'd started to doze off at the diner table over your supper until Vash leaned over and snapped his fingers in front of your face. You jolted up, grabbing a wedge of your sandwich and jamming it quickly into your mouth as he gave you a soft and sympathetic smile, his salmon sandwich basically finished and his free hand twiddling a stray french fry back and forth across the plate. Ah, he must have been waiting for you.

"You're a little out of it today. Everything alright?"

You waved him off, taking a swig of water to force down the mouthful of bread and various fillings. "It's fine! Just not sleeping well, it's no big deal."

Your response didn't seem to soothe Vash's worries at all, as his little smile fell into a frown. "That's no good. Is everything alright? You don't feel unsafe or anything, do you?"

"Nonono, nothing like that, really!" His concern really shouldn't have been enough to fluster you, Vash would have been worried for just about anyone who looked as worn-out as you did. But it still hit a soft little spot in you, something eternally sensitive to Vash's care and attention that you had to do your absolute best to stifle basically every moment of every day. "It's just too quiet, you know? I'm not used to having a room to myself anymore, heh. Pretty silly, isn't it?"

Judging by the soft and further  furrowing of Vash's brow, your  placations did nothing to assuage his concern. "Is there anything I can do? To help, I mean."

Stay. Stay with me, always.

Yeah, right. Like you could actually say that out loud. You sunk further into your seat, feeling a bit like an insect under a magnifying glass in the face of his consideration. It felt as if one wrong word or move would suddenly and jarringly expose the affections you held for him that seemed so glaringly obvious at all times, always.

"I dunno. It's not a big deal, anyway. We don't have to worry about it."

He seemed to sense your own discomfort with the subject matter, and leaned gently back in his seat. "I saw there was a tailor in this town! If you want you can come with me tomorrow, maybe get that tear in your cloak patched up?"

You thumbed the rugged fabric edge in your hand, almost not wanting to. Vash had patched it for you last time, and though the job was a touch on the rough side you didn't exactly like the idea of someone undoing his heartfelt, albeit clumsy, stitchwork. But shopping with Vash? That definitely sounded like how you wanted to spend your afternoon.

"Yeah, that'd be nice. Anywhere you wanna stop by?"

"Might pick up some ammo, but not much besides that!"

And you were certain that would be the end of it. Even after thumbing out a few double-dollars to pay for dinner, opening the diner door for you with a cartoonish bow, and chatting idly as the two of you made your way back towards the hotel, Vash didn’t broach the subject again. By the time you’d made it to the door of your room you were certain he’d forgotten about it. But just as you were about to wish him goodnight and slip through the crack of the doorway his hand came to rest upon the door handle, that familiar soft expression of concern sneaking back up across his face.

“If you wanted… I could stay until you fall asleep?" There was a distinct shyness about it, like he was genuinely afraid of what your reaction may be. "Just to see if it would help?" 

You blinked at him once, twice, needing a moment to process the words he was saying before it actually clicked in your mind. Face growing hot, you prayed your expression didn't fully give away your embarrassment as an image wormed itself into your brain, an image of yourself in Vash's arms, his lips resting on the jut of your collarbone peeking from the hem of your shirt, of warm hands on the soft dip of your hips climbing higher, and higher…

Seeming to take your extended silence as rejection, or worse, disgust, Vash began to frantically backpedal, hand flying from the doorknob to tangle in the soft hair at the base of his neck. "You can say no! I just wanted to offer. Maybe that was a little weird, huh? Sorry, you can forget about it.”

But you didn't want to forget. Forgetting meant a return to… To whatever you and Vash were before that first night you woke up and saw him gazing at the stars. Forgetting meant pulling away again, faking a smile, pretending there was nothing there when you so desperately wanted there to be. Forgetting meant not acknowledging that he kept offering his hand to you, and that out of your own foolish anxieties you kept drawing away. 

And yeah, maybe things could still go catastrophically wrong. But wasn't that what you loved about Vash in the first place? How the entire world could fall apart around him and he'd still get up again, offer you a smile and put his best foot forward? 

You loved him. You loved him. And you were fucking sick of pretending you didn't. Your fingertips had closed around the fabric of his sleeve before you could second-guess yourself. 

"Stay with me."

And oh, oh, if the expression that crawled its way up Vash's face wasn't worth any and every possible humiliation, rejection, or vague discomfort. Red bloomed up from his collar, creeping up his neck into his cheeks and the tops of his ears. He blinked twice behind his oversized lenses, gaze flicking from your face to where you'd gripped his sleeve and back again a few times over. A thin, wobbly smile snuck across his lips, making his relief obvious despite his conscious efforts to hide it. A peek of sharp canines glinted from the gap as he shot you a crooked, sheepish grin, despite being nearly as red in the face as his signature coat.

"Y-Yeah!" He winced at the way his own voice cracked, oblivious to just how endearing you found it. "Yeah, heh, no problem! Let me, let me get my… I'll be right back. Five minutes? Give me five minutes, pinkie promise."

He even interlocked his pinkie with your own, a small, familiar laugh sneaking out before he slipped, momentarily, from your grasp. You watched as he stumbled down the hall to his own room, fumbled the door handle once, twice, banging his body into the wooden frame before managing to get it open, never once taking his eyes off you until the door slipped closed. Cute.

You stepped into your own room, clicking on the bedside lamp and flooding it in a warm, yellowed glow. Shedding your day clothes as quickly as possible, you kicked them into a heap in the corner and scrambled into your pajamas, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. Without Vash's buzzing, eager energy at your side you had just enough time before he returned to briefly feel incredibly embarrassed at your show of need, face growing hot as you replayed the little scene over and over in your mind. Your hand around his sleeve, his expressions, your choice of words… God, you were so obvious. Had he really not picked up on it at all? But he seemed so eager, as eager as you were at the very least. Maybe he wasn't the only one who had been a little oblivious lately.

True to his word, it couldn't have been more than five minutes before you heard a soft knock on the door to your room. Standing on the other side was Vash, not clad in his signature red jacket but rather his familiar, beige pajamas. The worn out shirt hung loose around the collar with the sleeves draping just long enough to cover half of his hands, the loose elastic of the sweatpants held tight with an old, white drawstring. His hair was floppy and now shower-damp, hanging partially in his face as he gave you that so soft, so sweet little smile.

"You look comfy." He said, voice as soft as his grin.

"I could say the same for you." You responded, cracking a similar smile. Stepping to the side you let him join you in your room, door closing with a soft click as a palpable air of… something simmered between you two. Tension? Nervousness? It felt like a melting pot of just about everything you had or could feel when it came to Vash. He stood awkwardly in the center of the room as you flitted around him towards the bed.

"You should probably get some rest, huh? I'll just grab a seat at…" He gestured vaguely towards one of the two chairs set at the table by the window, words dropping from his lips as he watched you pat the open space in the bed next to you. He blinked again, face flushing pink once more.

"...Only if you want to." You added softly. He visibly swallowed, nodding so gently you could have almost missed it, and set his glasses on the nightstand with a soft clack. Carefully, hesitantly, he pulled back the covers and let himself into the bed beside you, moving like he was afraid at any moment you were going to change your mind and ask him to leave. 

You would never. You wanted him beside you. At all times, always.

He clicked off the lamp, and the two of you were plunged into darkness. A single stream of moonlight filtered between the thin curtains, falling diagonally across the bedroom floor and providing just enough light for you to keep Vash's face in view. When the two of you shared a sleeping bag for the first time the closeness was a necessity, there was nowhere else for you to go in the tiny shared space. But even now, with the width of the bed slim but still far greater than a sleeping bag could provide, you couldn't help but press yourself close to him. As always he was warm, so warm, heat radiating under the thin covers to soothe you, a constant thrum of energy just beneath his skin even when he was relaxed and doe-eyed as he was with you right now, laying on his side mirroring you, unable to look away. 

In this moment you couldn't help but consider that Vash was more alive than you had ever been in your own lifetime, or that you ever would be. He was a walking enigma, incredibly powerful yet so gentle, capable of such inhuman feats but so intimately, painfully fragile. Maybe you'd never fully understand him the way you wanted to, maybe there would always be secrets he couldn't share or stories he wouldn't tell. But you didn't mind, not as long as he was yours and you were his.

"Hi." He murmured, breath hot against your lips, that small, sappy smile never leaving his own.

"Hi." You replied. "Is this… Is this okay?"

"Yes." There was a relief in his voice, a borderline reverence. His hand hovered, briefly, coming to rest on the small of your hip and sending a jolt of need crawling up your spine fast enough to give you a headrush. "Are we… okay?"

"Always."

He let out a low, shuddering breath, hand flexing around your hip. "I haven't… I want… I want…" His gaze flickered from your eyes to your lips and back again. He let out another breath, a short, warm huff as he hesitated, brow knit like even now he was afraid of the oncoming rejection, the inevitable hurt.

The two of you really had been completely oblivious, hadn't you?

You closed the gap yourself. Slowly, carefully, for no more than a few moments, you pressed your lips to his. He gasped when you did, a sharp, surprised inhale through his nose before his entire body seemed to melt into your several points of contact: your legs, his hand on your hip, your lips. You watched his eyes slide open again after you pulled away, crease in his brow receding as he blinked at you, almost owlishly.

"You kissed me." He murmured, that air of reverence returning to his voice.

"I did." You said it like it was the easiest thing in the world, and that's because it was.

"You'll… You'll always be in danger. You know that, right?"

"I do."

"We're always going to be moving. You wouldn't rather settle down somewhere nice?"

"Not if you're not there."

He sucked in another shaky breath, corners of his eyes growing glassy and wet. "It won't… It won't be easy. Being with me. It's hard."

"Vash." You cupped his face with your hand, forcing him to meet your gaze. "I promise you it's not. It's really not."

He positively beamed, knocking his forehead against yours as he burst into quiet giggles. "You're really amazing, you know? You're the most amazing person I've ever met."

"Shouldn't I be saying that to you?" Your own laughter joined his, and any hint of apprehension or concern Vash may have still held seemed to melt away in the face of your smile. "Now shush. Kiss me again."

He was clumsy, clearly overeager as he pressed his lips to yours once more. It started as another soft, fluttering thing, then a second, then a third, before you tipped your chin up and opened your mouth into the next kiss, inviting him to do the same. Fingers tangled in his soft hair, you pressed further into him, tasting honey and sunlight as you licked into his open mouth and he moaned against your lips. You didn't even realize he was moving you until you found yourself on your back, Vash's sturdy build boxing you in, knees framing your thighs as his teeth clicked wetly against yours and he groaned again at the feeling of your mouth moving against his. It was a messy, relief-stricken thing, like finding sweet, cool water after a day trekking across the open dunes. His still-flesh hand gripped your hip, fingertips indenting your soft skin, but his prosthetic hand cradled your cheek so gently, with such veneration it could have brought you to tears. There was a wet smack and a sharp gasp when he finally pulled away, like he was coming up for air. A single sticky strand of saliva still connected your lips, and as you swiped it off of his lower lip with a smile he gave you a sheepish grin in return.

"You gotta breathe through your nose, Vash."

"I know, I just…" He watches as you bring your thumb to your mouth, licking off the smear of spit there. He gulps, teeth worrying his lower lip. "...Just got a bit sidetracked, is all."

When he leaned back in a second time his target wasn't your lips, but the gentle slope of your neck. He placed a featherlight kiss upon you, relaxing when he heard your content hum and your fingers carded through the hairs at the base of his neck. Then he sucked a mark into the soft junction between your neck and exposed collarbone, teeth grazing and tongue lathing over the sensitive spot as you writhed beneath Vash's touch. His breath ghosted hotly over your neck, goosebumps prickling out across your skin as heat pooled low and eager in your stomach and you fisted one hand in the front of Vash's night shirt.

"Vash." You whined, and his low groan in response rumbled out against your already sensitive neck. "Vash." You moaned again, louder this time, needy but not completely sure what for. 

"Hmm?" His questioning hum was barely discernible from his soft, pleased groans, only the uptick at the end of the throaty sound cluing you in that Vash had even heard you at all. His lips rested on the curve of your jaw, thumb trailing back and forth across your cheekbone. You fisted the back of his shirt in one hand and tangled the other in his messy hair, whimpering at each barely-there kiss he left as he trailed his way up your jawbone to your ear. "You're so soft. So, so soft."

His lips brushed the shell of your ear and you couldn't help yourself, whining as your hips jerked up against his. His breath stuttered and he jolted back from you to blink with wide, shocked eyes. Immediately a hot flush of shame coursed through your body, searing behind your eyes and cheeks. Was he disappointed? Disgusted? 

"I'm so sorry." If you could shrink back and disappear you would, but it's not like there was anywhere for you to go. Vash's brow furrowed again for a moment before his eyes blew wide once more, immediately taking your face in both hands as gently as he could.

"No, no it's alright! There's nothing wrong you just- just surprised me a little! That's not bad! I just- Aw jeez." He pressed a kiss to your lips, then your nose, then your forehead. "Please don't cry. I promise I'm not upset or anything, so don't cry, okay?"

"I'm not gonna cry! I'm just… embarrassed." You mumbled between squished cheeks, eyes trained down and away from Vash's sympathetic smile.

“There’s no need to be.”

“I know that.” You whined, covering your eyes with the palm of your hand. You felt another fluttering kiss on the tip of your nose, and peeked through your fingers to find Vash beaming at you. There was a cautious apprehension behind his eyes now though, a similar fear to what you knew you were currently feeling.

“There is, uh, something I have to tell you though.” He fidgeted a little, not quite meeting your gaze. “It’s just that my body is kinda… Well, it’s a little… different? And I don’t want to freak you out or anything. But if you do freak out… That’s probably completely valid, I’ll be honest.”

“Vash, I’ve seen your scars before. You know I don’t mind, right?”

He winced a little, lower lip jutting out in a bit of a pout. “...That’s not what I’m talking about. It’s a… It’s a PLANT thing.”

“Oh.” As Vash sat back on your thighs you propped yourself up a bit to meet his gaze. “Well, that’s alright too. I won’t judge you for anything you can’t control, Vash.”

“Yeah but it’s… It’s pretty out there.”

“Try me.”

Vash opened his mouth, then shut it, then opened it, then shut it again, blush crawling its way up his cheeks with his fisted hands tucked into his lap. He twiddled his thumbs, worried his lower lip with his sharp teeth, and still failed to meet your gaze. 

"It's, uh, it's just that it's a bit… different. My, uh… y'know?"

You'd been pretty oblivious to Vash's affections for you, but that didn't mean you were stupid. The way his gaze flickered down and then back up again when he spoke? The way one hand fisted the fabric of his pants and the other remained firmly tucked between his thighs, not quite against his crotch but definitely blocking it from your view? You could at least put those puzzle pieces together.

You rubbed the top of his knee with your hand, and tension seemed to melt from his stance with your touch alone.

"Would you… be willing to show me?"

He grimaced a bit, continuing to nibble on his lower lip until you ran the thumb of your other hand across it, trying to soothe the reddened skin. "I just don't want to freak you out or anything, is all."

"You really think at this point there's anything you could do or say to freak me out?" You bumped your forehead against his, the same way he had for you just moments ago. "Hate to break it to you, but you're kind of stuck with me now." He barked out a laugh, saying nothing but finally meeting your gaze, so you continued. "I don't want you to feel like you have to make yourself uncomfortable for my sake, but I also don't want you to run away from me. You trust me, right?"

"I do."

"Then trust that I won't run away either. I promise. I just want you, Vash, that's all."

He sucked in a shuddering breath, nodding softly against you. "Yeah. I want you too." Looking up at you through his eyelashes, he flashed you a cartoonish pout. "Maybe if someone gave me another kiss I'd get a bit braver?"

"You dork." You giggled, cupping his face in your hands and kissing him breathless once more. He leaned into you again, mouth open and eager, finally letting his hands trail back up your body where you'd wanted them. "Wait, switch with me."

"Hrmm? Whoa!" You wrestled Vash to the side, rolling the two of you over until you were now the one straddling his hips, not the other way around. He blinked up at you, mouth agape and lips slightly slick as he took in your form in the pale moonlight. "Oh. I could get used to a view like this."

With a single, sudden twist upwards of your arms, you pulled off your shirt and let it fall somewhere off the side of the bed, baring your chest to him fully. Vash gasped, hands squeezing against your soft sides as his gaze raked over your form.

"This one too…" He murmured. Trailing your fingertips down the length of his chest, you fiddled with the hem at the bottom of his shirt, lifting a bit but not quite tugging.

"This okay?" 

He nodded, hands joining yours to help wrestle his shirt off over his head. Immediately you were upon him, a featherlight trail of lips and fingertips upon every inch of scarred skin, tracing the outline of the metal reinforcement over his left pectoral as gently as you could. Your thighs squeezed around his hips, the front of his loose pajama pants tented and straining where they met your clothed core. He was big, that much was obvious. Another roll of your hips, not accidental this time but intentional, left Vash gasping out a sharp, labored wheeze as his hips finally jerked forward against yours.

"Sensitive." He panted, shuddering helplessly as his hips stuttered forward again. "C-Careful, it's sensitive."

That sensitive, with several layers of clothes still between you? Now you were getting really curious. You rolled your hips again, friction sparking pleasure up your spine but it was nothing compared to the way Vash positively mewled, back arching and hips rutting erratically to meet you. A dark, damp spot was beginning to seep through the fabric at the tip. You cupped his clothed length with your hand as gently as you could. 'Sensitive.' You reminded yourself. But a bolt of surprise rocketed through you instead when you could swear that, just for a moment, you felt his cock squirm against you, pressing up into your hand without the aid of his hips.

"Please don't freak out." Vash wheezed. You squeezed his length again, pressing in firmly, but it was impossible to tell what writhing was from Vash squirming around and what came from, well, Vash squirming around.

"I'm not freaking out." You reassured him, and in all honesty you weren't. Were you surprised? Of course! But there wasn't really anything about Vash that could truly "freak you out" anymore, even this. You stroked his length through the fabric once more and watched that wet spot at the tip bloom farther and darker, Vash shivering like he'd just touched a live wire. "Is it okay to take these off? Only if you're okay with it."

You hooked a finger into the waistband and waited, Vash's gaze laser focused in on your hand. Slowly, carefully, he nodded. Fingers looped in the elastic of both his pajama pants and his boxers, you gave him plenty of time to change his mind as you tugged them down, Vash letting out a quiet, hitched gasp when his cock sprung free.

Well, Vash certainly wasn't lying about it being different. Arching upwards from between his legs was what you could only describe as a tentacle, thick base sprouting from slick folds at the apex of his thighs. It curled upwards towards his belly and tapered slim at the tip, beading semi-translucent liquid that dribbled down the length of the shaft. It wasn't the same shade as his skin; It was closer to a bluish-white, marked up the length with abstract patterning similar to the glyphs on the outside bulb of a PLANT. Vaguely you wondered if it was always out like this, or if it settled itself snugly within those wet, petal pink folds when he wasn't aroused. You had to think it did, if Vash was as sensitive as he made himself out to be, otherwise he'd be on the verge of cumming with each step he took.

On second thought, that wasn't a bad image either.

Vash gulped, squirming a bit under your gaze, knees pulling together but unable to close fully with your body in the way. "So, uh, you're not screaming. I'm gonna go ahead and take that as a good sign!" You smoothed a hand up the length of his thigh, pausing right at the junction of his hip, and his cock twitched towards you subconsciously like a writhing tendril. He seemed to shrink in on himself a little at this, shoulders pulling up towards his ears as he anticipated your reaction.

"Vash, God Vash… Do you even have any idea how pretty you are?" He had to know, you couldn't let him wake up tomorrow and just bumble around for the rest of his life not knowing. He was ethereal, scarred skin painted in hues of blush pink, cheeks burning, eyes soft and wide… He had to be a PLANT, because it just wasn't feasible for a normal human to be this achingly beautiful. "You're so, so pretty Vash."

"Oh." His breathing shuddered, hips twitching when you squeezed down on the fat of his thigh. 

"Sensitive, right? I'll be careful, just tell me if it's too much, okay?" Fingertips trailing off the junction of his hip, you finally, finally, closed your palm around his length. It was hot, slick to the touch everywhere you put your fingers on it, and you could swear for just a moment that those glyphs pulsed with a faint blue-white light as Vash whimpered. "This is okay?"

He nodded furiously, hands fisting the bed sheets as he all but gasped for air. "Good! It's good. I haven't, it's been a long time since I- ohhh please…" Another bead of thick, slippery pre-cum drooled from the tip, slicking your palm as you moved it so slowly up the length of his cock, squeezing slightly on the downstroke and making Vash's back go concave against the mattress as he moaned. Heat burned low in your core, and you wrestled a hand down the front of your pajama pants to stroke your own slick folds directly. You couldn't help but picture how the silky writhing of his cock would feel inside of your pussy, slick oozing around where your bodies would meet as it pushed upwards into your aching core…

"Me too…" Vash groaned, hand grabbing for the waistband of your pants as he struggled to sit up. "Lemme touch you too, please." You stumbled off the bed for only a moment, but it was still far enough to make Vash whine at your lack of contact. Slick from Vash's cock smeared across the fabric as you wrestled both the pants and your underwear onto the floor before crawling back into Vash's lap like you couldn't stand to be away from him for another moment. His hands found your hips the moment you were within reach, rubbing soothingly up and down the outer curve of your thighs as he stared down at you, eyes swirling with arousal and adoration.

"Beautiful." He murmured, pressing his lips once more against the curve of your neck. "Tell me what you like, tell me how I can make you feel good."

Hand around his wrist, you guided him to the dark patch of hair between your legs. His fingers crooked carefully, curiously, two fingertips swiping upwards through your wet folds and catching over your clit. He shuddered when you moaned, the very act of giving you pleasure seeming to do him the same. Finding your clit again, he rubbed over it with his fingertips in slow, almost soothing circles.

"That's good." You cooed, taking him in hand again. "You're so good for me, Vash, such a good boy."

"Yes!" He moaned, his metal hand coming around to grip your ass, urging you to roll your hips against his hand. "Yes, 'm good, I'm so good." Sharp teeth dragged over your collarbone, just hard enough to send a prickle of pleasure up your spine. As you began to rock your hips he pressed his hand further in, letting you grind your clit against the heel of his palm as he slid his middle finger into your entrance. The intrusion was slick, effortless, and you couldn't help but moan as he curled his finger against your soft, hot walls. You pumped him again, another thick glob of pre-cum dribbling over your fingers as his cock wriggled in your grasp. "You feel so good inside." He continued to babble, drooling against your neck as he whined and gasped. "Wanna… wanna feel you, so bad…"

"Yeah?" You purred, shifting your hips further up his. With how keyed up you were you doubted you'd even be able to last more than a thrust or two with Vash inside you, but still you wanted. Nudging his hand out from between your legs, you shifted your hips down to trap his cock in between your pussy and his tense stomach as you rolled your hips and let it slip messily back and forth between your folds. Vash positively howled, head tossed back against the pillows as his other hand came around to grip your ass as well.

"Yes! Yes, please, oh please wanna make you feel so good." Shifting your hips to align his tip with your entrance, he peppered wet kisses across your neck and up your cheek as you hovered over him. You tipped your head to catch his lips with your own, moaning into his eager mouth as you finally let him nudge into you. Euphoria crackled up your spine with each small movement, an almost unbearable heat between the two of you as he shifted you so gently down his slick cock. It was almost effortless the way he slid inside, your combined wetness leaving no room for pain around the incredible pleasure as he stuffed you full, coiling and massaging your walls as you finally found your thighs resting on his and your lungs gasping for air.

"Oh, oh Vash." He shuddered at the sound of your name leaving his lips, hips snapping forward and once again driving the breath out of you as white-hot pleasure exploded behind your eyelids.

"Sorry, 'm sorry, not gonna last. Gotta make you cum, fuck, please cum for me…" His chest pressed to yours and his face pressed into the curve of your jaw, his hips thrust forward again, and again, wriggling one hand in between your sweaty bodies to thumb eagerly at your clit, rolling the swollen bud beneath the pad. You wailed, pleasure prickling tears at the corners of your eyes as your stomach coiled tighter, pushed you higher. 

A sharp blossom of pain erupted from the crook of your neck, making you cry out as Vash growled against your skin. His sharp canines dug into your sensitive flesh, bruising the soft skin there and blooming pain and pleasure into a swirling cocktail of overwhelming sensation. You dug your nails hard into the flesh of his back, shivering helplessly in his grip. The desert had been cruel, and crueler still had been its people, but you would make sure that any marks you left on Vash would be ones he wasn't ashamed to show, to feel.

"Love you." You sobbed, bleary-eyed and desperate for release, babbling similar nonsense to Vash as you tumbled into pleasure-drunk ecstasy. "Love you, I love you I love you Vash!"

He wailed, teeth pressing further into your soft neck, hips stuttering forward once, twice more before he finally shuddered, pouring his load into your awaiting core. Molten heat flooded your pussy, sending you tumbling into your own release. Rapture flooded your senses, writhing in Vash's hold as waves of pleasure overtook you, walls fluttering helplessly around his length again, and again, and again. He was spilling so much into you, you could feel it pooling out around where the two of you were joined, slicking his thighs and inevitably staining the sheets below. Even as your own orgasm began to subside, little aftershocks of pleasure sparking in your mind, he was still spilling more into your fluttering heat.

"I love you." He sobbed into your neck, drool and tears dampening your skin as he clutched you tight, so tight. "Love you so much." His tongue lathed over the bruise his teeth had left behind, a silent apology for daring to leave a single mark upon your body. With a final, shaky thrust of his hips, he seemed to spill the last of his cum into you, muscles relaxing with a stifled groan. You curled a hand in the hair at the base of his neck, pressing a kiss to his temple as he nuzzled into you. He whined as his cock seemed to slip from your heat of its own accord, another gush of hot slick spilling from your entrance as it went limp.

"I've got you, baby." You cooed. Slumping gently into his lap and ignoring the sticky-slick feeling cooling between your bodies, you let yourself melt fully into Vash's gentle hold.

"...They're probably gonna charge you extra for cleaning, you know?" He quipped, and you could feel him grimace a little at the tacky feeling between your thighs. "A lot extra."

"I'll take my chances." 

He guffawed against your neck, dragging you down to the mattress with him in a sticky heap. You curled into the curve of his body, head resting on his shoulder. His arm immediately rose to curl around you, pulling you tight against his side.

"Mmh, we should probably clean up." You mumbled, eyelids already beginning to flutter.

"...Five minutes?" He rumbled, pressing his nose into the crook of your jaw.

"Mmm… Five minutes."

[arctophyllax]

*clears throat* why I think Larian should let us recruit Zevlor:

More people are desperate for Zevlor than I thought at first. We all want to see him happy. We all want him to get all that he deserves and more. He just has SO much potential, he’s such a well written character just for his story to get cut off so suddenly? Thinking about how badly his story was neglected by Larian after they made us so attached breaks my heart. Of all side characters we met along the acts he is undeniably one of the most important and memorable ones; we fought for him, we saved him, we helped him, hells we even get the option to reject his payment for us for helping him and his people.

We practically got nothing out of helping him, especially the ones who reject his payments and i find myself rejecting the payment every single playthrough because i can’t find it in my heart to take something away from people who have nothing left already. If you betray the tieflings you get Minthara- and yes that may cost you certain companions too, but wouldn’t it be fair to be able to have Zevlor at camp if we save his people? At least after we save him in act 2? That way it would still be optional but god I need him so badly, I need to see him happy, I need Larian to let me look after him and take care of him and make sure that he doesn’t drown in sorrow and I know everyone who reads this feels exactly the same.

He went through so much, and every time his hope returned it got shattered to bits again. And it just feels like we’re forced to “give up” on him after we let him wander away in act 2. It doesn’t feel right. It will never feel right. We saw how miserable he was in that pod, how distressed and in pain he was. Common sense would have told us to take him with us. Make sure he fucking survives the night without doing anything stupid. Clean him off the blood and clean him off his worries, all that self hatred.

God, do I so hate to see him in such distress. And while a tiny part of me believes that death might have actually been a small mercy for him I was and will never be ready to give up on him.

Every time I see him on that damned screen, every time he speaks and every time I witness him interact with someone I DON’T see an oathbreaker who failed his people and had to be saved from being consumed by the Absolute. All I see is a competent leader who carries a burden not meant to be carried by one person alone.

This has nothing to do with him being weak. This has nothing to to with him being incompetent or not careful enough. This has nothing to do with any lost faith or broken oath. This has to do with the fact that he is so selfless that he wouldn’t allow himself to share this burden with anyone.

Yes he has (had?) his fellow tieflings, he has Tilses right beside him all of the time. But did he ever open up to her? Does he ever accept any help from his own people while he knows that they are already suffering? Would he EVER allow ANY of these people to carry even a SLIVER of his burden?

No. He would not. He would NEVER let them bear any of those duties, he has seen them in way too much pain already, seen them suffer far too often.

He is the type who gives and gives and gives and he never takes. He doesn’t know how to take, take anything positive.

His past, his comrades, his Hellriders- yes he had them. They gave him as much as he gave them. But they got torn away from him, cruelly and mercilessly.

His people, the refugees, family- he had them. And they gave him the respect and admiration he deserved. But they got torn away from him. Cruelly. Mercilessly.

His saviour, us, Tav- he had us. But we left him. Because we had no choice. We watched him walk of as though it was nothing. Cruelly. Because we could do nothing else.

And yes, I will always see red at that. Because we SHOULD be able to do better. We shouldn’t be just another loss for him.

And I will personally fistfight Larian if it meant hope for just a single chance at giving Zevlor what he never allowed himself to have: stability, encouragement. Someone he can rely on and share his burden with. A rest. Peace.

(Larian do you hear me I am under your bed we are going to fight)

(Scratch would like him to stay at camp, too)

(And what Scratch wants, Scratch gets. Right?)

(No because when you talk to Scratch the second time at camp during the tiefling party he actually says that he wouldn’t mind if you kept the tieflings at camp… trust me, Scratch, i wouldn’t mind either)

…I’d honestly die for him who’s with me

[intimidating-fettuccine]

Therapeutic. Jeff x Reader. CW: Hurt/comfort, depression, anxiety, personal comfort fic that's relatable enough to post, talk of struggles and life being fucking shit, left mostly vague intentionally, Jeff trying to be a good boyfriend.

“It’s been hard on you, hasn’t it?” His words catch you off guard, jolting as he plops down next to you on the old couch in the basement. 

You avert his eyes, choosing to stare at the pictures decorating the walls instead, forcing a smile onto your face and a laugh out of your chest. 

“I’m fine, Jeff, you know that. I can handle myself.” Your words do little to convince him, and his gaze pierces through you, causing you to shift anxiously. 

“How many nights have you helped me when I’m broken down? When I keep insisting I can keep going, that I’m fine? How many of my fake smiles have you seen through that nobody else has noticed?” His voice is calming, and he leans back onto the couch, resting his arm on top of it as a silent invitation in case you need to move closer to him for comfort.

“That’s different…” You whisper as you wrap your arms around yourself, and he watches you in concern, just barely resisting the urge to pull you closer.

“Because you think your problems aren’t as bad as mine?” You remain silent at his question, and he breathes a sigh as his gaze turns to worry. 

“Pain isn’t felt equally, sweetheart… You know that. You know that everyone experiences things differently, and you shouldn’t compare your own stressors to mine.” There’s no condescension in his voice, and it coaxes you to relax into the arm of the couch, facing away from him. He hears you sniffle, and his face scrunches up, trying to hold himself together for you. 

“…But you… You’ve been through so much…! All of you have! And I just… I haven’t experienced those things, nothing even remotely close to it, and yet I…” You pause, and he remains silent, encouraging you to continue. “I can’t even handle this. I feel so fucking weak. You’ve all survived literal hell, and I can’t even handle much more normal struggles without falling apart. It’s not fair… I shouldn’t be struggling like this when you have all been through much worse.” 

“Sweetheart…” His voice betrays the calmness of his face, the pain in his voice causing you to shake as your tears touch your cheeks. “What did I tell you…? It’s not fair for anyone if you compare yourself to me, or anyone else. You’re right, we’ve all lived through hell, and sometimes it still feels like we’re there... But we’re the outliers. It’s normal to struggle, to feel depressed and anxious. Shit, a majority of us are depressed all the fucking time. That doesn’t mean you need to be brave and strong for us. I mean, we aren’t very strong either. We cry over what you consider mundane shit all the time, the same stuff that’s getting to you. Humans aren’t meant to deal with constant struggles and sadness.”

You continue to shake, trying to hold in your cries, and he shifts closer to you on the couch, your body sagging backward, begging you to get comfort from him, but your brain continues to tell you that you don’t deserve it, you haven’t earned it. 

“Please stop bullying yourself… It hurts me to see you this way. Everyone would feel better if you just admitted when things were hard, if you just came forward and asked for help, for comfort. I’d feel better. It’s not fair for you to struggle in silence because you think you’re too weak.”

You go to retort back to him that you’re saving them the extra work, but all that comes out are choked cries you’ve been holding in for weeks.

“Let me help you. Let me be your support, your shoulder to cry on. You’ve helped me through so much fucking shit, and I want more than anything to do the same for you.” He scoots a little bit closer again, and you break, turning around and crawling into his hold.

He cradles you into him, an arm around your back and his hand rubbing the back of your head as you weep into his chest. He occasionally presses kisses to your forehead that draw more sobs out of you as you cling to him. 

“Just let it out, sweetheart. Give all your pain to me.” He whispers into you, and you let out a loud sob you hope the others don’t hear upstairs.

“It just… IT SUCKS!! Life fucking SUCKS and I’m just— just supposed to know how to handle all this shit?!” You scream out, holding him as if he’s your only lifeline, and he nods along with you. “If it’s not one thing it’s another, and I’m in charge of myself, but I have to maintain connections to everyone around me, and I have to eat, and sleep, and work, and survive, and then something shitty happens and destroys me, so I don’t eat, and I don’t sleep, and I just wanna cry, but I can’t because I have to work and survive…! It’s just a fucking cycle of nothing but shit! It’s exhausting, and I fucking hate it!” You’re heaving and crying, and he continues to stroke your head comfortingly as he sighs.

“I hate it too, and it is shit. It’s unfair and absolutely ridiculous. But, it brought me to you, and you to me. It brings you home to me, where you can lay in bed with me, in those comfy pajamas you were so excited to get, to a freezer full of yummy ice cream, to a stereo to blast your favorite music on. Sometimes we get so caught up in all the shit that we forget all the good, and that takes us to dark places. Places that give us scars, and pain, and tears, and bitterness.” His hold tightens around you as you feel his tears running into your hair from where his cheek is squished against you. 

“Life brought me bad luck, shitty days, and more issues than anyone would ever want… But it also brought me you. It brought me you so you could remind me of the good, and so I could do the same for you. That’s what’s important.” Both of you continue to hold each other, your tears lessening as you lay there quietly, the ambiance of everyone moving around upstairs bringing a level of comfort to you that you haven’t felt in weeks. 

“Can we go upstairs, and take a warm shower..? I’ll get out your pajamas for you, grab that ice cream, and boot up the stereo. We could talk about it… Or we could just blast some music and sit in each other’s comfort?” He asks you softly, and you nod against him, moving further into his embrace. 

“Good.” He presses another kiss to your forehead and tightens his hold in one final embrace, your name softly flowing out of him. “Promise me something?” You look up at him, eyes red and face irritated, and nod.

“If you’re wading through shit, let me wade through it with you. Please, don’t hold things in anymore. Promise me?” He holds out his pinky delicately for you, and after scrunching up your face once more, you make a distressed noise of agreement, locking your pinky securely around his own.

“Good pet.” He coos at you affectionately, pressing soft kisses across your nose and cheeks before lifting you into his arms to carry you upstairs. 

You’d always thought it a burden to share your pain with others, thought it an inconvenience to them, thought it wrong… But now, held in his warm embrace with the promise of ice cream and cuddles soon to happen, it didn’t feel so bad at all, even if the weight was still in your heart… It felt more tolerable now. Jeff would continue to make you feel that way, make you understand it was okay to rely on him, on others, and that it benefited no one to suffer in silence, no matter how light or heavy the issue life dealt you.

Life fucking sucks, but it can choke on its misery. 

[rinriya]

BG3 ending (spoilers)

I finished BG3. And I.. I'm so devastated right now. Not in terms of relief or "oh, such a good game has come to an end, idk what to do next", I just don't understand what happened. I am disappointed. I need to speak out. Otherwise I feel like I can burst into tears because of indignation.

And I beg DON'T READ THE POST FURTHER if you haven't reached the end. There will be plenty spoilers. DON'T READ IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED THE GAME.

So. Is this really the end? Is this… what we've been so actively waiting for 3 years? Maybe there will be DLCs no less than another full-fledged act? Otherwise, I cannot understand what was the point MC to do all of this?

I.. damn, this is hard. I waited so long for this game, but now I criticize it. Okay, phew. I'll get myself under control. Phew. Sorry.

We were promised different outcomes, different endings, many choices. But what did we actually get? You either save Orpheus (the Emperor becomes an enemy), or help the Emperor (Orpheus dies), or you/your companion turns into an illithid. And like.. who cares if you continued to refuse the powers. It's unavoidable in any case. You cannot form an alliance, you cannot win without a tadpole. You are linear in your final choice.

Your companions?

Wyll leaves to Avernus. Karlach returns to Avernus. Astarion can no longer stay in the sun, he begins to burn and therefore runs away. That moment… it broke my heart. My MC romanced him, couldn't he followed Star? Was it not possible to add some extra scenes? It doesn't matter to anyone. He ran away? Well meh who cares. Only Shadowheart says something like "oh, how sad, he can no longer walk in the sun."

I wanted to help him damn it! Both him and Karlach. And Lae'zel too, but game not allowed me to do so, forcing to choose: either the giths fate, or your ally. Choose.

I wanted my friends to live happily even without tadpoles! Why the hell I was saving the world, if my companions can't be happy? For the sake of a good ending, I should have let Stari to perform the terrible dark ritual? Or turn Karlach into a squid? Minsc and Jaheira are just fanservice for old fans. More or less good end has Gale (still with bomb inside him), Shadowheart and the Emperor himself.

And what about all my decisions? Where are their consequences? What happened to the vampire spawns? With a grove? With the forest? With Hell, where we killed a mighty devil?! With the Ironhand clan, who now have a new leader? Larian Studios, was it really so hard to write at least in text about everything that happened? Like in DOS2 at least? Or about our companions future life. At least about them!

It feels like even if I decided to play as pure evil.. there would be no difference, because I just don't know what my actions led to. But I can't play evil, I just can't hurt anyone. Yes, I'm boring person who loves happy endings and when everyone doing great.

BG3 received its fame, glory, attention. Obviously will receive a bunch of awards, because its ratings beat all records, but inside me.. there is just emptiness. I can headcanon a happy ending with Astarion, truly free Lae'zel, who will be no longer chased by Vlaakith's servants and Karlach with repaired heart. But it will all be in my head. Not in the game. Baldur's Gate 3.. is like a beautiful (really beautiful) wrapper, but the candy inside turned out to be simple and not very different from the others.

I'm sad. Very sad. And I'm sorry for this flow of words. I had to speak out. Now I feel a bit better. I really want to hear your opinion, because now I'm mentally hurt. I obviously triggered the high expectations for this game and get a painful kick for that.

[aishangotome]

Alfons Sylvatica: Chapter 4 Premium Story

Chapter 4

♡———♡

After the play, Alfons walked me back to my room.

--But on the way back, I was struck by a strange feeling.

(What is it? This sense of discomfort...)

I felt like I didn't take the usual route back, even though I was returning from a theater I'd been to many times before.

(And I can't remember going to the theater with Alfons and Ellis tonight...)

The discomfort gradually grew, and by the time I returned to my room, it was too big to ignore--

Kate: Um... Alfons?

Alfons: What is it?

(It's strange to ask this... but)

Kate: ...Was what I saw really a play?

(Ah... that)

The moment I asked the question, something snapped in my head, and I came to my senses.

Kate: It wasn't, was it? That wasn't... fake blood.

(That's why I was scared.)

(That's why I was so anxious and wanted it to end quickly.)

(It's because that was--)

Alfons: Have you already woken up?

Alfons: You have a surprisingly strong sense of self.

When I looked up, his eyes were narrowed as if he was exasperated.

Kate: That was reality.

My own voice echoed heavily in my ears.

(People were really being killed, and a real knife was trying to kill Alfons.)

Kate: And I...

I was watching it as a play.

(--Simply, peacefully.)

That fact was more shocking than anything else, and I was speechless.

(It's true, I couldn't bear to watch it.)

(I was scared and wanted to escape from that terror.)

It might have been better than panicking and doing something stupid.

(But...)

(I--that scene...)

I couldn't believe that I had been watching it so casually, so I closed my eyes tightly and covered my ears.

Then, warm hands embraced me.

As if scooping me up from the dark, cold bottom of the water.

Alfons: It's not your fault. It's all my fault. Isn't it?

Kate: But it's true that I watched that scene without thinking...

Alfons: A normal person wouldn't be able to handle that kind of scene unless it was fiction.

Alfons: On the contrary, I thought you might enjoy it if it was fiction...

Kate: ...

I remembered myself believing it was a play.

(I was so impressed that I even applauded. Even though people were dying right in front of me...)

(I have no right to say anything about him.)

As I hung my head, a voice tinged with pity fell.

Alfons: You really do insist on facing reality, don't you?

Kate: ...Because if I don't look closely...

Alfons: Because it's your duty as a Fairytale Keeper?

Alfons: Screw that job you were forced into by a freak accident, right?

(Because it's my duty... Of course, that's part of it.)

(If I don't do my job, I might be killed. But--)

Kate: That's not all... If I don't face reality, I won't be able to notice important things, right?

Alfons: For example?

Kate: Like why such horrible things are happening...

Alfons: You won't figure that out even if you carefully observe the scene.

Kate: Or if there's anyone still alive... who can be saved...!

Alfons: Haha, rescue in that situation? You'll just get caught in the crossfire and die.

Kate: But... even if Alfons or Ellis were stabbed, I...

Kate: I might not have gone to help them, thinking it was a play...!

Alfons: .........

Kate: That's scary...!

My vision blurred with the surge of emotions.

I didn't know if it was from the fear of that scene, or the fear of being the only one protected in the illusion.

Alfons: .........

Alfons looked at me in silence for a moment, then gently stroked my hair.

Just like a real lover would.

Alfons: Even though you're so soft and vulnerable... you try to face reality without running away.

Alfons: ...You're a fool.

Alfons: When I see such a foolish person, I can't help but want to spoil them.

His fingertips slid smoothly down the nape of my neck.

(Ah,)

By the time I thought, "No, wait..." – it was already too late.

Alfons: So – let's play together again tonight, "my sweet lover."

A light, pleasant floating sensation washes over me.

With just a gentle push, my body leans into his arms.

(This feeling, from somewhere...)

As I think this, his voice drowns out my thoughts.

Alfons: It's alright now. See... I'm alive, aren't I?

Kate: Nnn..., Hm... Alfons...

Alfons: ...You don't have to look so greedy.

Alfons: Ending on a child's kiss right now wouldn't be right... open up.

Poking my lips with his fingertips, Alfons whispers to me.

Alfons: Come on... don't be shy.

Kate: Nnn, ah...

I open my lips as instructed, and his wet tongue slips in.

Kate: Yes... ah, ah...

Alfons: Hmm... hehe, kissing feels good, doesn't it?

Deeply intertwining our tongues, I feel my mind melting into a blissful state.

(No... something)

(I feel like I'm forgetting something important...)

(It feels good...)

Before I knew it, my body was at the mercy of his familiar tongue, and I was sinking into the bed. My rational mind had been consumed without a trace and I could think of nothing else but making love with the lover in front of me.

Kate: Ah, Alfons... I... my body is hot.

Alfons: ...Where on your body?

Kate: ...You know, so don't ask.

Alfons: No... Please tell me properly.

Alfons: Where do you want me to please you, that pretty mouth of yours?

Kate: Ah...!

The ribbon behind my neck is untied and my loose blouse falls off.

When I tried to hide the bare skin spilling out from under it, my hands were sewn into the sheets.

Alfons: Why are you hiding it? Show me your body.

Alfons: Here... is where you want to be tortured?

Kate: ...!

Kate: ....All....of it...

I was so embarrassed that I turned my head to the side.

Alfons: All of it...?

I hear a sneer and a light kiss falls on my burning cheek.

Alfons: --greedy.

Kate: Ah...!

Alfon's face moved closer to my chest as he sucked the colored tip into his mouth.

Kate: !...Oh, oh... nn---!

The tip of his tongue played with it again and again, lighting a fire inside my body, and a numbing sensation spread from the tip of my breast to the bottom of my stomach, making me rub my knees tightly together.

Alfons: Mmm.. do you want this too?

His fingers trace the inside of my thighs, slowly approaching the space between my legs.

Kate: Alfons...ah....oh my god!

His fingers push aside my underwear, teasingly caressing the dripping wet spot several times, then slowly entering, making a squelching sound.

Kate: Ah....ah.....ahh....!

Alfons: ....You're so wet. Can you hear it?

Kate: Oh my god, oh...

Alfons: Have you always wanted me to touch you?

As if in affirmation, the spot where his finger was sunk twitched sweetly.

Alfons: You don't have to squeeze so hard, I'll make you feel good.

Kate: Ahh---!

His fingers move more vigorously.

As he rakes my insides, the pit of my stomach stirs and clamps down hard on his finger.

My weak spot had already been discovered on the first night, and his fingers, well used to playing, knew how to make me go crazy.

Kate: Ah, ah....Alfons...!

Alfons: Hehe, are my fingers not enough for you anymore?

Kate: ....!

Even though we're lovers, I'm too embarrassed to accept it because I think it's indecent, and Alfons laughs again as if he can't stop himself because it's funny.

Alfons: Come on, tell me. Are you okay with this? Even if I keep teasing you with my fingers like this?

Alfons: If I tease you here, you'll probably come right away.

Kate: Ah, ah, ah, wait...

Kate: ...Not with fingers...

She couldn't say anything more.

Alfons: ...You are truly a lovely person.

He pulls out his fingers, which had been stirring violently inside of me, making my hips jump in response.

I was breathing heavily as I heard the sound of clothes rustling.

When I looked up, Alfons was about to take off his tie.

Just that gesture made my stomach churn with anticipation.

Alfons: .....

After undoing his belt, Alfons looked down at me and smiled gently, as if gazing at a kitten.

Alfons: Let's get so messed up that we forget everything...

His desire caressed my lower abdomen, sinking in deeper than where his fingers touched.

Kate: Nnn, ah, ah...Alfons....!

He pounded me with intensity, and a sweet cry escaped my lips, echoing through the room.

I cling to his back, my whole body trembling with the pleasure that hits me again and again.

(Being held like this, our skin touching, sharing warmth deep within our bodies...)

Everything feels so good, I can't think of anything else.

(Right now, I want to stay like this...)

I want to drown in his arms, in his warmth.

Because the arms that hold me are so gentle.

Because the look in his eyes, full of pity and compassion, feels strangely comforting––.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Chapter 5

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[artnamjooning]

Using Pomodoro Technique With ADHD

I've seen a lot of people with ADHD debating whether Pomodoro timers are helpful to them when studying. They're indispensable to me and the way I study with primarily inattentive type, so I thought I'd share a few ways I've tweaked it to work for me! ✧˖°――♡――✧˖°✧˖°――♡――✧˖°✧˖°――♡――✧˖°

1. Use a physical timer (and maybe a visual one)

I find my brain takes it more seriously if I use a separate timer, and it also is very handy for breaks! I have a digital timer I use, but recently I got a visual timer and think it's even more helpful. Let's face it. We're time blind. Being able to really see the time left helps an embarrassing amount. If a physical timer isn't an option for you, try something like Study With Cats, which has a timer in their videos. Plus, lofi! Which leads us to...

2. Lofi/Classical/Film soundtracks will save you

Need to turn off all the thoughts telling you to do other stuff? Music helps with that. I had an old therapist who specialized in ADHD tell me that it takes more inputs to focus an ADHD brain. You can "plug in" your studying, and if that's not enough, "plug in" some chill music. I was skeptical and used to study in complete silence, but now I need music. Music without vocals is best if you find yourself paying attention to lyrics. If music is a little too much, rain sounds can be great.

3. Take longer breaks (animedoro)

For me, 5-10 minutes is enough to use the bathroom and grab either a snack or an instant coffee. It feels rushed, and I find myself tired by the time my long break starts. Last semester I took ten minute breaks religiously using 50/10, but now I'm experimenting with 60/20 and finding my energy levels renewed. I like having time to watch a study vlog or an episode of Run BTS!. This is popularized as animedoro: work for 40-60 minutes, then watch an episode of anime for 20 minutes. This builds a real reward into studying! Yay!

4. You may need to adjust focus time along with your meds

Anyone who's been on stimulants (or anyone with ADHD lol) can tell you they can be fickle. Their effectiveness and length of focused time can vary depending on factors like diet and sleep. If you find your meds aren't working as great, or they're wearing off faster than usual, don't push through or you're in for a big burnout. Adjust your focus times instead. If you were doing 50/20 pomodoro and now 50 minutes of concentration feels like pure torture, just bring it down to 30, 25, or 20 minutes. You'll be so much better off with 20 minutes of concentrated study than 50 minutes of, "why can't I focus? Why can't I just be like everyone else? Oh god I haven't been watching this video."

5. If it's not working, don't force it.

Listen, this works for me--I desperately need that structure or I'll get lost in a bunch of stuff that doesn't matter (hi Wikipedia). If it's not working for you, and you prefer to hyperfocus for three hours at a time and then take a nap for an hour, do that! Don't try to force study techniques that don't work for you just because they work for others. Our brains work differently and that's okay.

[evita-shelby]

The Wreckage

sequel to Look Both Ways where we get the reason why Lucy left and why Tommy and Eva couldn't make it work after she filed for divorce.

cw: refrenced suicide attempt, mental illnesses, unhealthy coping mechanisms, angst, drama, murder accusations.

you know something nice to distract yall from the US Elections tonight

@justrainandcoffee @mischievouslittlecreature @zablife @call-sign-shark @hoodeddreams13 @thegreatdragonfruta

After Eva had that vision of Lucy blowing her brains out, she takes the first train back to Small Heath and gets there just in time to stop her.

They have a much-needed talk, it falls on Eva to convince the redhead that it is not her fault.

Considering they are all in various states of disrepair, the witch fucking hates to be the Strong one while the other two points of the triangle get to lose their shit about it. Eva is too busy trying to keep them from hurting themselves to even mourn her own loss.

Tommy isolated himself and got so drunk he ended up in a holding cell for his own safety, Lucy ended up believing the Shelby Clan’s words that she shouldn’t have remained Tommy’s lover when he decided to court and marry Eva.

Eva barely had time to settle in her new leased townhouse before the Universe decided she could not just wash her hands of them and move on with her life. She hates it when her powers force her to be a better person.

The witch had to explain how her previous relationships had not left her in the condition needed to accept having a man who is not entirely hers, how she knows they will all be the better for it and that if anyone is at fault it is Eva for being too desperate to avoid her impending execution.

“How do you hold yourself together like that?” Lucy had asked as she confided in her about her plans to seek out her maternal family. She needed time as well, they all did.

“Because neither you nor Tommy have given me the chance to properly fall apart.” The witch admitted wryly, she was as honest with Lucy as she was with Tommy ---sometimes she’d use it to purposely hurt them to assuage her need of space and the fear that Tommy didn’t love her as much as she did him. “Trust me, I should have been in London crying my heart out and fucking a stranger with a thing for pregnant women instead of bailing Tommy out and keeping you from making my decision to save myself obsolete.”

“Then why save me? You could have been happy with him; you are giving him a child.” The redhead ---still wallowing in her despair and guilt--- demands to know why Eva didn’t seize her chance at happiness. “He said you told him you’d have four children and live in the country.”

“And if I had let you die, I would still be second place even if you were a ghost tormenting him. No life is worth living with a man who doesn’t love you the way you need him to anyways.” The dark-haired woman answered bluntly as they sat down a little further away from what would have been a crime scene.

“I can’t stay here. Not when everyone blames me for it.” By everyone she does mean everyone.

The Shelbys had taken Polly’s side and everyone else correctly guessed Tommy having a lover is what destroyed the fairytale romance.

It was a terrible place to be, Eva had not considered how cruel they’d be to Lucy only focused on leaving a man who placed Lucy over here time and time again. Why Tommy couldn’t just marry her and avoid this mess was beyond Eva’s comprehension.

Marriage is safety when you do not love in the conventional way.

“Have you finally given my suggestions to find your mother and your aunt some thought?” she asked the Red Demon who had been reluctant on accepting Eva’s offer to help her find her family because neither she nor Tommy appeared to be capable or surviving without the other.

They could, they are just too pessimistic and they refuse to give it a real, honest try. Eva had been there once, and now seeks to pull them out of the dark waters even if they like it there.

“Yes, maybe if I had said yes when you offered the first time we wouldn’t be in this mess.” And because Lucy wants to see if Tommy would be happy without her here. Not by being the ghost haunting him, but as the lover who left him. “You should’ve told me we were making you feel unloved.”

“I know, but I feared losing him, and while I do get on with you, I do not like you that way. We are just too different.” Part of Eva still wants the life she saw with Tommy that morning in Brighton. Is it wrong for her to desire her own happiness after life took everything from her? Why was she losing her one thread to life again? Why couldn't someone else be the one to sacrifice their happiness for her instead of her doing it every single time?

“I had guessed as much. I am not as ignorant as Polly makes me look.” Her ex lover nodded in agreement, and both said their goodbyes before parting ways.

The last person seen with Lucy was Eva. A gunshot was heard and only Eva came back.

There was no body nor signs of a struggle, but he knows what the witch is capable of. She had one demand when he refused to sign the papers in London.

Me or Her.

And when he refused to choose her then and there, he left to drown out his sorrows and make his choice.

He loved both women. He loved Eva fiercely, loved her fire, her strength and her ambition to take back everything she had lost.

But he loved Lucy more. He couldn’t just leave her like this. It would kill her.

“We will have everything we have ever wanted, mi amor.” She had proclaimed that morning after their wedding.

Four children, a baronetcy, a career in politics. They would be as happy and as in love as they were that morning.

He had been a fool to assume she saw Lucy in it.

And because he was going to choose Lucy over her, Eva killed her.

She was just as damaged as them. Lost everything she ever had, and now that she stood to lose the chance to have it all again with him, the witch took it.

What Lucy was capable off wasn’t close to what Eva could do. Eva had the advantage of money and magic.

“You killed her!” he cannot contain himself when he finds her still packing up what she owned in Ada’s old room. She had moved there when it became clear he would sleep with both women.

Eva is shocked from his words angry in ways he had never seen. The words had hurt her like a blow to the stomach and woke the beast underneath the soft warm skin

“Oh, yes, because I would be so fucking sloppy as to have the murder weapon in my hands and be so obvious!” The witch mocks him and denies it. "If I had killed her, you would have never found out about it."

He should’ve known she wanted him to choose her.

He couldn’t choose so she choose for him.

“You killed Lucy!” he shouts again as he comes to shake her and demand to know why she did this to her.

Eva slaps him hard enough to leave a mark.

“I didn’t fucking kill her! Why would I go through all the trouble of divorcing you if I intended to kill her?” the witch shouts back when even her hand on his cheek is not enough to break him out of that thought.

“Then where is she? Why were you the only one to come back here?” He knows deep down she didn’t and yet he cannot stop his mind from finding a reason to believe she did.

“She needed time away from here, to get away from a place that hates her. Just as I am doing.” We need to be away from you.

“Then why didn’t she tell me?” he asks the woman who he knows won’t ever forgive him.

“You wouldn’t have let her go, just as you are not man enough to let me go.” She hates as strongly as she loves, and now Tommy knows what the Witch’s anger feels like. “Just as you are so fucking full of it that you fucking came here and accused me of killing your precious Lucy.

Me, the mother of your child, the wife you promised to love and cherish before God and Men; and you couldn’t even love me enough to give me the presumption of innocence.” Her anger turns to hot tears as she lets him have it. “I should’ve left England when I had the chance.”

Tommy has only seen Eva cry three times in his life. The day he taught her to shoot, the day she left him and the day he killed her love for him.

“I'm sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I know you would never do that.” Even when he means it, even when he tries to show her how truly sorry he is for the way he acted, for the fucking way he doubted her like this, his wife flinches away form him.

Moves away from him as if his touch physically hurt her.

“If it had been me who disappeared, you wouldn’t have accused Lucy of killing me.” She won’t ever forgive him, there is no love for him in her eyes only hatred he created and he will have to live with that for the rest of his days. “You do not love me like you love her, now I wonder if you ever loved me at all.”

But he does love her, and that is what makes it all worse. He’s lost her even when that is the last thing he wanted to do.

“Evie, please---” Tommy chases after her, refusing to accept the defeat he crafted with his own bloody hands.

“I will never set foot here unless you are dead.” The witch refuses to look at him as she too walks out of his life and leaves him standing on the wreckage of their love.

She was right when she called him a fucking fool when it comes to love. Always right when it comes to him and not once has she ever lied to him.

Which is why he will set this right, even if it means following her to London.

story continues in Venor

[andreal831]

Excluding trying to kill hope/Hayley, what are your thoughts on the whole Klaus and Tyler situation?

I told myself I wasn't going to answer any more asks today but I loved this one too much.

Tyler Lockwood is one of the most over-hated and underrated characters in TVD.

Just focusing on what Klaus did to him and not even his trauma from his parents and friends, Tyler's pain is so overlooked. I think the best way to discuss Tyler and Klaus is just to lay it all out.

Tyler and Klaus' first interaction is when Tyler is forced back to Mystic Falls because Klaus has someone attack his mother. This is their first interaction, Klaus harming Tyler's mother to manipulate him. Klaus could have chosen a different werewolf but targeted Tyler for whatever reason. Klaus then traps him with Caroline on a full moon and he nearly kills Caroline.

Their next interaction is Klaus killing Tyler. He does so with little remorse or concern about whether Tyler will survive the transformation as no one had before. He survives and becomes sired to Klaus, who abuses it and essentially enslaves his hybrids. Everyone likes to get mad at sired Tyler, but he has limited bodily autonomy. This is a major violation that the show glosses over. Klaus uses this to make Tyler harm the people he loves. The MFG seems to have a lot less sympathy for Tyler than anyone else who suffered from sire bonds or even villainous charm. Elena also did bad things under Damon's sire bond, but everyone blamed Damon. Tyler gets the full blame and anger from his friends instead of understanding or helping. Everyone likes to credit Klaus for saving Caroline's life on her birthday, but Klaus ruined her birthday by forcing her boyfriend to nearly kill her. Tyler, who hates Klaus, has to go to him and beg him to save the girl he loves.

Because of the sire bond to Klaus who forced him to harm his friends, specifically Caroline, Tyler recruits Bill Forbes, someone known for torturing supernaturals, to help break his sire bond. He then leaves to break the bond. He subjects himself to hours of torture and pain so that he won't ever have to hurt his family again. He comes back from this pain to find Klaus flirting with his girlfriend. Klaus then possesses Tyler's body without his consent for a matter of time.

Tyler then works with Hayley and the other wolves to free them of Klaus' enslavement. Klaus kills their friend, thanks to the help of the MFG. Not only does Klaus kill his friend, Caroline agrees to go on a date with Klaus in exchange for killing his friend.

Klaus then proceeds to murder all of Tyler's hybrid friends and then his mother, the last family member Tyler had. Klaus once again tries to kill Caroline to control Tyler and makes Tyler beg him to save her life. Klaus forces Tyler to run once again, forcing him from his friends and family. Before he leaves though, he leaves his home to Matt so Caroline will have a safe place to hide from Klaus. Even when Tyler tries to sneak back into town to have one dance with his girlfriend at prom, Klaus shows up to chase him out again.

Tyler then seeks revenge against Klaus.

Given everything, Tyler is completely justified in going after Klaus. Is it a bad plan? Sure. He can't kill Klaus and even if he could, he would die with him. But that's not the point. The point was Klaus cost Tyler everything. He tortured Tyler for months, attempting to steal his girlfriend while doing it. He murdered his mother in cold blood all because Tyler helped free the enslaved hybrids and himself. Klaus was a monster.

We see many characters seek revenge for things much less serious and are supported. Klaus is celebrated for murdering people for no reason. Tyler didn't even only act for himself but for all of the wolves Klaus planned to enslave. Tyler was completely in the right and the show/characters spent too much time trying to make Tyler seem like the bad guy.

I only wish Tyler had lived long enough to know Klaus died. Tyler deserved so much better than the hell Klaus put him through. He didn't get a break for years all because of Klaus' petty jealousies and insecurities.

Tyler was a better man than Klaus any day of the week. Yes, he's done some bad things but the fact that so many terrible men are celebrated and Tyler is constantly attacked is so questionable to me.

Thanks for the ask!

[odinsblog]

[re: this this post and this post]

Let’s keep it 💯: Joe Biden did a terrible fucking job of managing post-COVID healthcare. And before I anger all of the but-he-was-better-than-the-alternative liberals, yeah, sure, he is better than Trump, but that is a laughably low bar. Aim higher, demand fucking better from our elected leaders.

So a while back I agreed that today I would take someone to get their latest COVID shot, but I got a frantic phone call from them saying that they don’t have the money to pay for their shot and they are uninsured and don’t qualify for Obamacare. And I was like, “No dude, you can get your shot for free at CVS or Walgreens or someplace like that,” and just to reassure them, I called CVS (with them on the phone), and unfortunately we learned that CVS is now charging $166 per vaccination shot.

After a little digging, I did find some places that offer free vacations, but they have long ass lines and limited hours of availability that don’t match up with my friend’s work schedule … so I’m gonna bite the bullet and just pay for their shot myself.

I am so mf mad rn.

This is what happens when you elect conservative ass “Democrats” who side with big pharmaceutical companies like Gilead and value cAPitALism over people’s health.

Vaccines should be fucking free. All vaccines. Every fucking one of them. And I mean free to anyone who wants them. Periodt.

And just because I know how annoyingly asinine sycophantic liberals can get if you aren’t constantly and profusely praising whoever the democratic president is, lemme remind you that not only did Biden declare, “The pandemic is over - Back to normal, back to work!” while walking around without a mask at an international car show, but in capitulating to conservatives, Biden also made an unprecedented change to America’s immigration policy by forcing asylum seekers to wait in other countries until we get around to processing their paperwork, and Biden also deported a shit ton of non-European asylum seekers (especially Haitians; see also: Title 42).

And Biden proudly and repeatedly announcing that he is a “proud Zionist” as he allowed funded Israel’s genocide against Palestinians was probably not too helpful for Harris defeating Trump. And now that I think about it, waiting so damn long to step aside for Kamala to run wasn’t very helpful either—she had about 100 days to run a campaign against Trump (and I’m not saying her campaign was perfect, but Biden’s waiting so damn long absolutely hobbled her).

And speaking of waiting too long, Biden constantly waiting to arm Ukraine wasn’t thee most helpful thing either—like damn, what’s the difference between arming them with long range weapons now (when you have only 2 months left in your term), versus arming Ukrainians 2 fucking years ago when it would have made a bigger difference, and would have saved more Ukrainians?? If it’s safe to arm them now, then it was probably safe to arm them at the beginning of Putin’s colonialist war of aggression.

I’m sorry, yes, I voted for him (and Kamala), but Joe Biden was a shitty ass president. I do not want another Republican-lite, cop loving “Democrat” who values chasing conservative white voters more than trying to listen to and at least pretend to placate the Democratic base.

At the end of the day, Joe Biden will have helped move the Democratic Party further right, just as Bill Clinton did in the 90s.

Oh, and remember when Biden promised to waive copyright patents so that other countries could make their own COVID vaccines? He never did that, did he?? But many of y’all insisted on giving him credit just for saying that he would. But he didn’t.

If Biden had any damn nads, and if he wasn’t sO addicted to following all the rules that Republicans have and will continue breaking, he would go buck wild in his last two months and forgive all student debt, pardon people, and just do whatever good he can while he still has the power to do so.

Anyway, I said what tf I said.

If you don’t like it, you know where the block button is.

[starryneitz]

I am going to preface this with me saying that I know that this sounds needy but this is my last resort and a desperate cry for help.

Otakon is right around the corner and it's my only time I get to truly be myself, and I come from a VERY abusive household. My younger brothers are always praised and given money to do whatever they want whenever they want. I, on the other hand, get abused and mistreated all the time because I'm different. Since I am queer and a Democrat I get treated like dogshit. My mom forbade me from going to Ota unless I gave her all of my money I saved up. So I have $0 and am starting from scratch. I make federal minimum wage at 20 hours a week, max. If I didn't lose my job back in March (reason of firing on paper was because of my diagnosis of anxiety and ADHD, and coming from a children's science center that praises itself on its acceptance about mental health, disorders, and LGBTQIA+ communities, just goes to show how shitty it is), I might have gotten away with saving more. But I'm flat broke.

Otakon is my one and only escape in the year to be myself. My mom marks all the criteria for Nazism. She is highly anxious towards me. All of my thoughts, emotions, words, and actions are forced by her. She forces me to be her. I do not know who I am. I never knew who I was. The only time I am allowed to show any personality without fearing being abused it at Ota, and even then I still fear being screamed at or hit.

If anyone is financially stable enough to contribute it would be gladly appreciated BUT ONLY IF YOU ARE ABLE TO CONTRIBUTE TO PALESTINE FIRST! I know I have it bad, but they deserve it more.

Thank you if you read this far. I know some of you might have heard me talk about my family before, and I'm sorry if you read this and see that my situation hasn't gotten any better. I can't escape. I tried many times. It has always failed and she always keeps me from leaving because she takes all my money. She tells me that I never have had any friends and that no one would ever truly like me or stand being around me to even care to look at me. It's hard. It's hard to know you're truly alone. I know I have friends, but with knowing what she has been telling me my entire life, is it true that they're friends? I don't know. I don't know who I am.

If you're able to donate my p@ypal is @/stardoka. As mentioned, please ONLY do so if you can donate to Palestinians first. Thank you so much for your time just to read <3

[everpresence]

if i told myself in 2020 that i have finally gotten over the fear of driving, she would flip.

2020 me was one of the infinite probable versions of me, and she was someone whose fears and doubts always got in the way of doing what she really wants to do. even though she knew the law (and i say this with compassion because anyone can know the law yet forget to apply it. that’s just part of the human experience), she couldn’t bring herself to imagine how it’d feel to be free. she couldn’t because she believed that she was her thoughts and her emotions. she used to have recurring dreams of her being in the front seat and crashing the car because she feared being in control of her own life.

what i have learned from those years is that no one can save you but yourself. okay, that sounds a little pessimistic out of context, so let me clarify what i mean by that. when you mainly depend on your family, your friends, etc., but you’re not also making the commitment to changing your conception of yourself… then your reliance on the outer world for your improvement will be your downfall.

i’m not saying that you should stop relying on people entirely. the reason why they want to help you is because they are sending you the message that they care about you. however, you have to start caring about yourself and the life you want to live first. it’s not about external validation. YOU are the only person you actually need validation from. notice how you react to their desire to help you. are you saying that you’re a “lost cause,” or are you saying “okay, this is my life and i get to change it around for the better?” if you’re saying the former, that’s only an idea you hold about yourself. it’s not an objective fact, it’s not the truth.

the truth is that you actually are free. you are in control of your life, and that is through your beliefs. but those beliefs do NOT define who you are, because who you are is a soul having a human experience. you just have those beliefs, and you can throw out those beliefs that are holding you back from maximizing your infinite potential. step out of that old, limiting story and let yourself be born anew in this moment as the person you want to be. you can start changing yourself RIGHT NOW, and this NOW is the only moment that is ever existing.

i started driving again this year. i stopped driving in 2020 because i somehow convinced myself — through unintentional self-hypnosis — that driving is “scary” and i couldn’t do it because X, Y, and Z. i kept giving myself reasons to be scared of driving, and those reasons do not even apply to everyone’s own experiences with driving. the law is always working, even if you don’t mean to use it.

it was only through my love for the life that i want to live, for my friends and family that have been so unconditionally supportive and loving to me, for the version of me that i kept seeing so vividly in my head, that i started picking it back up. love ended up being the driving force (pun intended) for me to get my shit together, and it made going back into driving an effortless process.

i get to drive my mom around now. i used to always want to show my mom how thankful i am for her being one of the biggest cheerleaders in my life, and for always driving me out to places that are so far away and unfamiliar, but her love for me surpasses her fears of the unknown. (oh boy, i’m crying now LOOOOOL.) and because i have chosen that version of me over and over again, i now get to drive without anything holding me back.

i get to take control of my life again, and i’m so excited to see where this will take me because i now finally understand that it’s about who i am, and i am always changing and growing and expanding.