#so yes i would love to see buck feel anxious about a love that feels right and talking to his dad about it that doesnt contradict shit

[epiphainie]

just bc bobby said they didn't have to talk about tommy doesn't mean if buck wants to seek his advice again that buck and tommy are doomed btw. that's not how relationships work

[fluffylino]

a funny no nut november with hyunjin 🥟

hyunjin and you have high expectations about eachother's self control...FAILED!

-contains mature themes (hyunjin is crack)

"oh my god its november!" you exclaim, realising its november even though you're halfway through the month.

hyunjin furrows his eyebrows. clearly not understanding your point.

"its november as in, y'know..."

tilting your head to egg him on. all you are met back with is an even more confused expression.

"no nut november...?" you mumble, and begin laughing at his even more perplexed expression.

he brings his hands up in a questioning gesture.

"is it like...not eating any nuts or something? like almonds or walnuts?" and you now wonder the accuracy of him being the leader of paboracha.

"no! HYUNJ-"

"OH! is it because you don't eat any nuts in november so that in december, you can eat as many chocolates you want cause its christmas and every single person eats like a pig during holiday season! is that it?!"

"what-"

pausing to process what he just rambled on about. it actually made sense...

"NO! NO! even though you kind of made sense...no nut november has nothing to do with eating actual nuts like walnuts or whatever!"

"HUH? then what is it?" hyunjin sits straight. already perched closer to you. if his ears could grow, they would be like the baby elephant from the film 'dumbo'.

"no nut november is a whole month of no sex" you say in a straighforward manner.

"...why?" his eyes losing their spark. lips jutting out in a small pout.

"its a challenge! like to see if we can hold out . no cumming or you lose. do you want to try it out?"

"i mean, we haven't done anything since the last week of october cause i was on schedule..." hyunjin mumbles. craning his neck behind you to see the calendar.

"its the 17th of november already, that means we have about 13 days left..." he calculates, sitting silently in deep thought.

"no touching too?" he asks, blinking sweetly at you.

"touching and all is fine. just no cumming..."

"OKAY! GAME ON, BABY!"

.

.

two days pass and you start to find it harder. maybe because now that you knew it was november, it made you more anxious to stick to the rules. hyunjin seemed to be doing well. not even bringing up the topic but not doing anything.

"don't look at me like that" you shriek, dramatically running away from him.

"like what?" he chuckles.

his hands covered in paint and hair messily sitting on his head. it nearly 1 am and he's about to wash up while you wait for him to join you in bed.

"like...that. DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!" pointing a finger at him. he inches closer and smirks devilishly when you jump back further.

"are you finding me incredibly irresistable right now, my love?" hyunjin whispers breathily. your body practically begging for him on the inside.

"yes! so stay back" you exclaim, putting your palm against his face.

smushing his lips away from yours. gasping as his hands quietly sneak around your waist.

"no self control when it comes to me?" pushing himself onto you. till the both of you fall back on the sheets.

core throbbing against his bulge. and you know he feels it, his lips turning up into a cheeky smile.

"missing me that much, baby?" prying your palm away from his face. pinning your hand down beside your head.

unconciously you spread your legs wider. his mouth opening in a small 'o'.

"have you seen yourself? you're sexier than you think" you mumble, eyes widening when his hand slides down your stomach. going over your waistband and patting over your covered mound.

"you want me, baby?" he whispers, fingers tapping against your aching cunt. looking down at you with a smirk. your panties are wet. sticking uncomfortably to your wetness.

a grunt escaping his mouth when you buck your hips up. smiling triumphantly at his hardness.

"10 more days." he whispers, sighing heavily.

"thats too long, isn't it..."

"we can do it, baby" hyunjin tries to encourage. his hips mindlessly rocking into you. for some reason, you can't stop yourself from meeting his sinful movements.

"yeah, we can...do it" squeezing your eyes shut. his hands hastily pulling his pants down. he goes silent for a few seconds, snorting in annoyance.

"no nut november is useless!" he says, dick slipping between your folds. rubbing himself eagerly.

"might as well just not eat almonds, walnuts and-" he blabbers on while simultaneously pushing his length past your entrance.

"HYUNJIN-"

.

.

.

.

.

hyunjin paboooo

[kayesfanfics]

Hi can I request a femreader/ nightcrawler story where the reader is shy and anxious, while Kurt misunderstands this as her thinking he’s a monster?

But in truth she’s been trying to confess her feelings to him but she always backs out last minute in fear?

Thank you!

A/N: The way I’ve probably imagined this scenario at 12 years old laying in bed at night. I also made the reader friends with Rogue, Jean and Ororo since she’s closer to their ages

“Sugah, yer lookin’ more nervous than a long-tailed pussy cat in a room full o’ rockin’ chairs!” Rogue tapped your shoulder as she walked into the lounging area, where you were having morning coffee with Jean and Ororo. “What’s gotcha all riled up, huh?”

“Kurt’s playing basketball with the others outside...in shorts.” Jean quipped before taking a sip of coffee, a playful grin on her face. Ororo chuckled at the embarrassed face you made, as if someone just walked in on you changing.

“Jean!” You whined, face turning redder when Rogue started laughing.

“Oh, Y/N! We’re just teasing!” Jean giggled as you pouted at all of them finding your embarrassment amusing.

“I just don’t see why you haven’t told him about her feelings yet!”

They all knew you’ve had the biggest crush on the fuzzy blue X-Man, Nightcrawler, ever since he joined the team a few months ago. He was always so nice to everyone, including you, and he seemed to always say the right thing at the right time. He even made your morning coffee sometimes when you got up late, knowing everyone’s coffee order by heart by now.

The boys were outside playing basketball with Jubilee and Roberto, showing the younger ones how it was done. You watched out the window at the court, seeing Gambit and Wolverine battling for the ball before Kurt teleported between them and snatched the ball from them, tossing it into the basket and laughing when they both started yelling about the “no powers” rule. You smiled before realizing you were staring, clearing your throat and turning to Rogue.

“You know I get too nervous around your brother, I can’t even ask him to pass the salt at dinner!”

“Yer always nervous, that’s fine! But y’know, he totally likes you too. I can tell.”

“No he doesn’t.” You shook your head in denial.

“Yes he does.” All three women said at the same time, side eyeing you or rolling their eyes.

“My dear, Kurt is a very charismatic man, but he goes out of his way to make you smile every chance he gets.” Ororo set her hand atop of yours. “I even see a flash of disappointment when you flee from his advances.”

“Really?” You asked, feeling a bit guilty about making him feel bad. You were a generally nervous person, but your anxiety sky rocketed around him, your heart always felt like it would explode out of your chest when he got close to you or touched you. It was difficult to hold eye contact with him, your nerves getting the best of you and looking down at the floor while you spoke to him. You’d give him a scared smile when he handed you things, your blood running cold when his hand brushed up against yours during those exchanges. You often found your eyes wandering to him when he wasn’t focused on you, it was easier to look at him when you knew he wasn’t aware of you checking him out. You loved the way his tail squashed playfully as he joked around with Morph, how his ear would twitch like a cats when he heard someone new enter the room, how his fangs gleamed when he smiled or how his bright yellow eyes sparked with mischief during a fight.

“Okay…you know what? Todays the day, today I need to confess to him! If I don’t today, I never will cause I’m a baby and will back out.” You stood up confidently.

“Yeah! Go get em, tiger!” Rogue cheered as you walked away, then lowered her voice. “She ain’t gonna.”

“I think Y/N can do things she sets her mind to.” Storm defended you.

“Wanna put ten bucks on it?” Rogue raised an eyebrow and cheekily grinned.

“…you’re on.” Storm nodded, shaking her hand as Jean spoke up, saying she’d bet alongside Storm that you could do it.

“You know I can still hear you all?” You crossed your arms from the window, getting a closer look and watching Kurt dodge Roberto’s lunge. Your friends all laughed as you shook your head, trying to get ahold of your nerves.

How were you supposed to tell the most handsome, heroic, sweetest, most amazing person ever you were in love with them? Kurt was genuinely the kindest person you’d ever met, giving you butterflies when you watched him comfort a mutant child during a fight, or how he helped his teammates so gently when they were injured. You couldn’t fathom how people were afraid or disgusted by him, he was the most gorgeous man in the world. How you could see a tinge of indigo under his blue fur when he blushed or bruised, how sculpted and chiseled he was yet also was so soft to look at. When he wore sweatpants and a tank top after training one day, you swore you would have a heart attack right then and there seeing how attractive he looked in the outfit. You adored sneaking peeks of him working out alone, his muscles bulging when he did push ups or pull ups on a bar, how flexible and agile he was and how effortless he made it look. You’d stand outside the door until you felt you would get caught staring, not wanting to seem like a creep.

You were suddenly pulled out of your thoughts when the door opened, Wolverine carrying Jubilee, pretending to be limp and passed out in his arms.

“What happened?” Jean asked as the girls all stood up from their little coffee and gossip session.

“She tripped and scraped her knee trying to get the ball from Logan!” Morph snickered as they all filed inside.

“I’ve been attacked! He pushed me and now I’m severely wounded!” Jubilee whined dramatically as Logan set her down on the counter. You waited for Kurt while you listened to Jubilee and Wolverine bicker about the seriousness of her cut knee, feeling your heart skip a beat when he finally walked in, chatting with Hank.

“Um…hey, Kurt?” You spoke quietly, but Kurt’s ear twitched and picked up your shy voice.

“Yes, Miss Y/N?” He asked, stopping and letting Hank go ahead of him.

“I…um…could you find a first aid kit, please?”

You blushed when you heard your friends laugh behind you and Storm and Jean handed Rogue money, knowing Kurt was looking past you at them, wondering what they were doing. You felt like a dork backing out of confessing and asking him to do something you could easily do, but you changed your mind at the last second that you weren’t ready yet.

“Sure.” He smiled, before bamfing off. You turned and glared at your friends, before walking walked over to Jubilee, seeing blood dripping down her shin and gravel from the court embedded inside of it.

“Ouch, let me clean that for you.” You said and wet a paper towel, ignoring Logan saying how she was fine and it was part of growing up and being a kid. You kneeled down and patted down Jubilee’s injury, soaking up the blood and wiping out any gravel from the wound.

“Here you are, Y/N.” You heard a familiar sweet, velvety voice beside you. You looked over and saw Nightcrawler holding out a first aid kit from the nearest bathroom, a charming grin on his face.

“Oh, um, thank you Kurt.” You smiled at him shyly, before quickly turning your attention to Jubilee. You didn’t see the look of rejection in his yellow eyes as the irritated twitch of his tail at that, before he sighed and bamfed off again.

*a couple hours later*

“Mein Gott!” The mutant shouted in surprise, also not paying attention to where he was going before tumbling backwards at the collision. You were on your way to training, focusing on wrapping up your hands to look where you were going. Now, you knocked down the last person you wanted to. You felt bad seeing the gorgeous man on the floor because of you.

“Kurt! I’m so sorry! Here, let me help!” You held a hand out to him, but he got up himself.

“It is fine.” He said simply before walking past you, then suddenly pausing and turning to you. “May I ask you something?”

“Sure.” You fidgeted with your hands nervously, anxious for the question.

“Do you…have I offended you in some way?” He asked, his eyes flashing with a bit of sadness.

“What? No? Why would you think that?” You asked, worried your timid behavior had finally kicked you in the ass.

“You tend to just brush me off, I’ve noticed. Lately you don’t really look at me, you respond with few words to me. I just thought…maybe I did something to scare you? Disgust you? Perhaps I…you think I’m a monster?”

You stared at him in the hallway, shock freezing your thoughts for a moment. How could he ever think your awkwardness around him could be because you thought he was disgusting? That he thought you found him frightening? You hadn’t realized how not making eye contact or responding curtly would come across to him, a man who’s been persecuted and attacked his whole life for how he looked. He was the most admirable, amazing person you’d ever met and you made him feel like a monster.

“Kurt, no! Not at all! I just…I do like you, I do! You just…make me very nervous. More so than I usually am…”

“How? Do I intimidate you?” He tilted his head in confusion. “I do not mean to-“

“It’s not that, really. I uh…I just really admire you, I guess. You make me more nervous than the others because…because I really like you…a lot.” You looked down at the floor, shyly looking up into his eyes. His face relaxed when he finally understood what you meant.

“Oh…I apologize for thinking so little of your actions. You are understanding and non judge mental, I should never have assumed what I did about you. How about I take you out to apologize for my ignorance?” He flashed his fangs at you in a charming smile, slowly approaching you before he was close enough to hold out a hand to you.

“I-I…okay.” You took his hand and sheepishly smiled up at him, allowing him to guide you down the hall. “I’m really sorry I made you feel like I-“

“No apology necessary, Y/N, really. I’m just glad we’ve come to…an understanding.” He grinned, bringing your hand up to his lips to place a soft kiss on your knuckles. You blushed and giggled at the action

[gooppoo]

asked for filth? alright

how about jake fucking the reader in ways the na’vi dont usually do? like eating her pussy making her sit on his face, fingering her, all the ways that you think they wouldn’t do and reader is just overwhelmed and so fucked out while hes laughing at her lovingly

no this is a really interesting concept bc how does james cameron b havin these mfs get down and dirty?

Let me show you.

Requests Closed!!

mdni.

warnings: oral (reader receiving), fingering, face sitting, jake is actually being a softy (surprise surprise)

p.s. challenging myself to condense my writing bc I tend to overwrite tbh

"Yes, sit, right here." Jake giggled at your bashful nature.

You swallowed nervously, "I-I don't know Jake..."

He swished his hand nonchalantly, "Babe, I promise, you're gonna love it. When I was one of the sky people we did this all the time." Your ears flattened when he mentioned the sky people, "Listen, just try it, if you don't like it, we'll stop." He cocked a brow.

Your tongue ran over your teeth thoughtfully. Hesitantly, you shuffled toward his expression, praying that he was true to his word (his devilish smile was less than convincing).

Either side of his head, your thighs rested, one hand stuck out in front of you for stability. Jake chirped from beneath you to see if you were ready, and you sighed, unsure.

A wet, warm sensation spread across your folds and toward your clit. Your body involuntarily stiffened and jolted your hips away from his mouth.

"Woah woah hey, just my tongue. Don't worry baby." He studied your anxious stare, chewing on your bottom lip, "Only gonna use my tongue and my fingers. Promise." His wink was not as comforting as he thought, but still cute.

In your chest, your heart hammered making the rest of your body hot. It all seemed so new all at once, and it was overwhelming.

But...from the little bit you had, it felt pretty damn good.

Still, you proceeded with caution, and returned to your original position. You waited for his tongue to explore again, instead he opted to peck along your thighs. A part of you wanted to protest and whine for him to focus on your clit, but you let him show his expertise.

When his tongue made a reappearance, it was trailing toward your much wetter core. Again, the temptation crept up to force his tongue where you wanted it, but you were patient. And soon enough that patience paid off because before you could form another coherent thought, Jake was showing you that it was possibly for you to form incoherent thoughts.

It was like he was kissing you, making out with you messily, only it felt one hundred times better. All you could really do was gasp and mewl, feel Jake pull you harder down onto his character to dive deeper into you. At times, you'd both hum when you'd hips would buck out of pure pleasure.

But as soon as you adjusted to this new phenomena, another was introduced, this time you didn't pull away. There was a weak prodding at your slippery entrance - perhaps his fingers he had mentioned - sometimes penetrating through the tiniest bit just to slide back out.

It was different, and would take some adjusting, but as long as Jake kept his attention on your clit there wouldn't be any protest or insecurity. And he knew this too, he wouldn't send your body into shock and shove two fingers into you just to quicken the process. So he took his time building up to massaging your g-spot and keeping a blissful pace on your clit with his magical tongue.

Eventually, he was knuckle deep in you, stimulating your most sensitive spots and watching you gradually unfold on top of him. Feeling your thighs relax almost too much, cunt pulsing around his working digits, it was just as he had remembered it.

However, he couldn't sustain this rhythm forever, it would only get you so far, and he wanted you cumming on his face! He tried his best to be as unsuspecting while lapping at your clit and applying more vigor to your insides. And while this did send you further into your clouded mind of lust, it also quickly became too much.

"Jake - jake," you tried to warn him that you were on the cusp of overstimulation.

"Keep saying my name baby," he laughed against you. The faint tremble in your thigh and the tightening of your naval told him everything he needed to know, "I know it's a lot, it's okay. You're doin' fuckin' great." Most of his words were muffled, the vibration of his voice sending chills up your spine.

Sooner than he has expected, your thighs were stiffening, and your walls were tightening. He continued his pace with a sprinkle of passion, knowing what was waiting for him around the corner.

"Jake - oh, OH!"

There it was. That honeydew sweetness dripping down his fingers and coating his tongue. Making your sturdy legs shake and clit become too sensitive to even kitten lick. Jake was pussy whipped, no question about it.

When enough was enough, his half-damp face peaked from underneath you, an overly cocky smile plastered on his features.

"Whatcha think?" You nodded, still gasping for air, "I knew you'd like it."

[1doesnotsimplyhavejust1fandam]

We as a fandom do not talk about Buck’s whole “agonizing over not telling Eddie he’s bisexual” crisis enough. He felt like he was lying to Eddie because he didn’t tell him something new he’d discovered about himself! Tommy dismissing him for not being able to tell Eddie he’s bi yet certainly contributed to Buck’s panic about it, but the whole “lying to my best friend” part came entirely from Buck himself. And he goes to Maddie about his crisis because his big sister has always had good advice for him, and he trusts her with his relationship with Eddie. This tells us two things:

1. For some reason, Buck was worked up about not yet having told Eddie, specifically, that he is bisexual. He goes to Maddie and omits half the truth from her, even though it could help him figure out why he’s so anxious about hiding the truth from Eddie. But he doesn’t panic about his sister either finding out he’s bisexual, or attempting to hide it from her until the pronoun slip. His panic is clearly and explicitly devoted to the thought of lying to his best friend. Not even his sister, who has known and loved him his whole life, was like his mother for much of their childhoods, and was his greatest and sole champion for most of his life, elicits such panic from Buck. He’s nervous about telling Eddie, but everyone else in his life, he comes out to essentially with ease at the Madney wedding.

Now, for some people, this might make it seem like Buck is aware, even subconsciously of his feelings for Eddie, but I’m not sure I agree. And that is because of the second thing:

2. Buck is 100% incapable of not telling Eddie everything about himself and/or his life. Time and again, we have seen Buck using Eddie as a confidant, a safe space, and a comfort for himself when he’s in crisis or feeling particularly reflective. We see this in the og kitchen scene, when Buck, with a rather shaky segue, apologizes again to Eddie for abandoning the Diazes during the lawsuit, in a scene that feels like Buck’s been holding his words in and they’ve suddenly forced their way out to be heard by Eddie. We see it when Buck tells Eddie all about the first dinner with the Buckley parents, notably, the only on-screen conversation Buck has about the dinner and Buck’s feelings about it before the dinner is immediately overshadowed by the Daniel of it all. It’s all directed towards Eddie. And then we got Buck coming over to Eddie’s house after the lightning strike, asking for space from questions and concerns, and then later opening up about how conflicted and confused he feels after dying for three minutes (and seventeen seconds). And yes, even Buck eventually coming out to Eddie, the only scene where Buck is shown to be 100% intentionally coming out (yes, this is me admitting that I’m still iffy on the soot being on purpose or just an accident that Buck was fine with using to come out to everyone else he loves).

All of this to say, Buck cannot be aware or even subconsciously suspicious that he is in love with Eddie. Yet. This is a guy that thought taking his time to come out to his best friend comfortably constitutes as lying. He is honest with Eddie, and he clearly hates hiding things from his best friend because he gets all weird and uncomfortable about it. If Buck knew that he is in love in with Eddie, we, the audience, would know too. And that’s including the general audience. This isn’t a case where Buck could admit it to someone else and feel a little better that it’s out there, even though Eddie still doesn’t know. This is a man who is incapable of lying to his best friend, or keeping a secret from him. Not only is he incapable of it, he hates it! He doesn’t care about over sharing, he is just desperate for Eddie Diaz to know every part of him and love him anyway.

All I can say to that is, if we see a Buck love realization first, we’d better hope Eddie gets knocked into shape very soon after, or we’re in for a very angsty arc where Buck is “rejected” until Eddie realizes his own feelings. It won’t be a sweet and goofy sequence of Buck avoiding Eddie for a few days once he’s realized, and then telling Eddie magically makes Eddie realize that he feels the same in that very moment. It’ll be Buck accidentally running into Eddie the moment he walks into work the morning after he figures out his feelings, and immediately spilling his love out on the operations floor in front of Eddie and the entire team if he has to. Some sort of gentle rejection on Eddie’s part, and then the boys both shutting down instantly. Then multiple scenes of Buck believing he’s destroyed everything, while Eddie speed runs his gay crisis straight (heh) into a love realization regarding his best friend that he just rejected not three days ago.

So. Do we want the angsty “rejection” route? Or do we want an Eddie realization first, which would contain no less screaming, crying, and throwing up by Eddie, but would spare us the secondhand embarrassment of a Buck so in love that he simply can’t lie to the man he loves’ face for more than a second. Since it would be incredibly cheesy and adorable for their love realizations to happen at the same time, and for them to be ready to admit their feelings in the same scene/episode, I don’t think that’s what’s going to happen. It’s 9-1-1. If there is angst and pain to be had, before leading to a beautiful, fulfilling love, then they’ll be going that route over the simultaneous love confessions.

[the-moon-lullaby]

Candy receiving a oral from the boys and candy doing a blowjob on the boys in hsl headcanons

NSFW : The HSL Boys receiving a BJ

N/A: So that's the first NSFW request on this blog. I had to cut the request in two part because first : it is exam season and I am in big trouble y'all and second, 2 headcanons topic in 1 request makes it too long to write.

Anyway, hope you like it (it’s not proofread, sorry if this sucks, no pun intended) In the meantime, I am going to horny jail and you guys are coming with me

𝙲𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚎𝚕 :

Firstly, unlike the other boys Castiel isn't new to blowjobs since he had a  kinda "long-term" girlfriend before (we won’t mention the snake’s name but she says it in the game that they had their little fun together. Anyway.)

Therefore, it’s not about wanting to see how it feels or anything because he already knows that he likes it a lot

He kinda likes the idea of Candy giving him one but he doesn’t want her to feel pressured to do so. However he might let slip some hints that it’s something he wouldn’t be against

Yet, he didn’t expect her to really catch on these until one day of they were just casually hanging out and Candy seemed to feel particularly bold with her kisses and touches that day

She'd be quite suggestive about what she had in mind but Castiel would think she’s just messing around. Only to find out that she’s not

He’s often the one teasing her and all but this time he's the one taken aback (in a good way tho)

He’d start to wonder if he should let her keep going but after all, who is he to stop her ? So, you can assume that he’ll let her get her way, his notorious smirk on his lips while looking at her going down on him

He wouldn’t shy away from her gaze as she looks up to him while she presses a soft kiss on his tip to begin with(even though this sight makes him scream internally) and as her mouth slowly sink on him, he wouldn’t be able to contain a curse 

He’d let slip a few curse words actually like « fuck » or « damn it »

If she’s okay with it, he’d pull her hair a little to guide her since he knows what works for him. He’d make sure to let her know that she’s doing well by saying things like « yes that’s it » or « fuck you’re doing amazing ». He’d struggle to not buck his hips and he’d try to keep them in place so it wouldn’t bother her

When he reaches his peak, it'd probably be a lot ‘cause blowjob are a big turn on for him. When he’s done, it would take him a few minutes to collect his thoughts and regain his composure. 

Then, he’d caress Candy’s cheek tenderly but wouldn’t miss an opportunity to tease her though (« Someone’s feeling bold I see. We should definitively do that again»)

𝙻𝚢𝚜𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛 : 

During sex Lysander does use his mouth a lot and always uses it to worship Candy’s body by covering it with kisses 

It’s not like he does it for Candy to imitate him despite the fact that he adores it when she returns the favour. Nothing feels better to him than the feeling of her mouth trailing kisses on his skin with such lust. 

He didn’t expect this feeling to be taken to a whole other level. Yet one time after he told her how much he loved and how sweet her lips felt on his skin, she replied that she could make this mouth do wonders somewhere else if he was down for it

Lysander, as the gentleman he is, did not even consider this idea until that night where they were laying in his bed at his place. The flat being empty if not for the both of them since his brother went out on a date with Rosalya

Therefore the situation seemed quite auspicious to this sort of experiment hence he wouldn’t show much opposition to it and would actually be quite curious to see where this might lead

He’d watch her peppering his chest with soft kisses that would gradually get closer to his pelvis while his breath would become more and more sharp in anticipation

He’d get aroused at this sight but a part of him feel slightly anxious about it since it all feels very new to him. So he’d let one of his hand wander through Candy’s hair, reassuring himself with this familiar gesture 

Unexpectedly, he wouldn’t take his eyes of her and as he’d feel her mouth finally reaching him and starting to move around his dick, a low moan would slip between his lips

He did not expect enjoying Candy worshipping him like this so much but as she kept alternating between kisses and greedy licks, the pleasure he got out of it almost felt overwhelming

Even though he doesn’t shy away from eye-contact, he’d be blushing the whole time and the knot in his stomach would keep growing tighter. Nonetheless, he’d let Candy hear this sweet voice of his by praising her and calling her sweet names as she goes on

He’d would prefer if Candy takes it slow, that way he gets to really focus on the sensations and it also allows to make the moment last longer

However, as it is the first time they’re doing this, it would be hard for him to actually last. Luckily, Candy would be able to tell when he’s close by the way his hand, that was previously caressing her hair, presses on her nape

By the end of it, he’d pull her close and kiss her with a loving look (« That was really nice, you were perfect dear »)

𝙰𝚛𝚖𝚒𝚗 :

Armin is really open minded when he comes to sex and he’s not ashamed to make his attentions crystal clear

He actually searches up new things to experiment through PG18 websites and his historic would attest of the fact that blowjobs are a huge yes for him ( it might be the category Armin searches the most actually ‘cause I just know this guy watches porn and he’s not even a tad embarrassed about it because « hey, everyone does it » - Armin probably, when he was caught by Alexy who entered in his room without knocking)

He often jokes around about it with Candy but without ever expecting her to take him seriously 

When he invited her for a few games of LoL that day and kept tickling her to distract her to the point she kept loosing. Of course, she was a bit annoyed in the end

To which he only responded « C’mon, let me show you how it's done » and he sat at his desk launching a game as he would usually do 

But little did he know that Candy intended to get her sweet revenge on him so in the middle of it, as he was doing pretty good and was certain to win, he did not see her kneel in front of him, too focused on the screen

It only when she started to undo his belt and trousers that he realised what was happening and would then have to stop just to stare at her in complete disbelief 

She’d tell him to not mind her and simple keep on with his game. He would obliged with a nervous laugh, his hand now shaking on the keyboard

He’d have a hard time focusing on his game as he was obviously distracted by the feeling of her tongue against his cock. And he could feel that Candy had no intention to stop teasing him as she was changing the pace to keep him from getting used to it too quickly. Yet, he was certainly  not going to complain and would try to get little glimpses of the show that was happening under the desk to a point it became hard to keep his eyes on the screen

He wouldn’t last more than five minutes in these conditions and yet that’d be enough for him to loose his game (and he probably never did such a bad game lol), making Candy pretty satisfied with herself 

He’d pretend to be bothered by it but deep down that was better than what he had expected (« You’re not playing fair babe but fuck, that felt good »)

𝙽𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚎𝚕 :

Nathaniel would never admit it but he imagined Candy giving him a blowjob quite a few times already

I think this might be a kind of a "kink" to him because he was raised in a such strict environment (that he now despise from the bottom of his heart) and he was always expected to act in this ‘traditional’ way and everyone always viewed him as a goody-two-shoes. However, this lustful vision totally contradict this persona that was pressed upon him since basically forever (which is why he like this idea so much despite a part oh him being slightly ashamed about it)

(Am I slipping a bit too much into psychoanalysis for that ? Sorry lol)

His fantasies often takes place at school somehow (the adrenaline of getting caught especially with his Student Body President’s statut turns him on way more than he’d like to)

So there were some moment where he imagined Candy getting on her knees in front of him, while he was sat at his desk in the Student Council Room - or in the lockers’ room (chances are that he used these images to get off on his own from time to time)

But he’s afraid that Candy might get offended if as he’s not sure she’s into that kind of stuff

Well this was until one afternoon, when they both were at his place to (originally) study and before they both know it, a particularly heated make-out session started on his couch (they’re studying anatomy y’all don’t worry). After taking his shirt off, Candy started to kiss his torso while letting her kisses going lower and lower until reaching his lower abdomen

He started to blush instantly when he understood what she wanted to do and he probably never felt so hot in his life

He would consider stopping her but he can't say that he doesn't want this, so he'd ask her just in case "are you sure ?" and if she is, he would watch slowly getting on her knees, still in disbelief

He’d feel pretty exposed at first and wouldn't know where to look or where to put his hands. So, he'd just let his body sink into his couch, with his head leaned back and he’d look at the ceiling until she decides to start, letting her do things at her pace

When he finally feels her lips on his tip, carefully embracing him, he can’t help but gasp and shut his eyes. He’d try to completely focus on the sensations but the arousing thoughts he had before wouldn’t take long to resurface in his mind

He’d try really hard to keep his composure and would also try to keep his voice down, only letting out a few sighs however Candy’s mouth’s doing wonders, he almost forgot how to properly breathe. But at some point, he’d just be like « fuck it » and he’d gently grab Candy’s hair, guiding her to a pace that gets him off and making her taking more of him

It wouldn’t take him long to reach his climax because the fact that it is happening when he clearly thought this vision would stay a fantasy makes it hard for him to last (also would struggle to maintain eye contact because that would be the last straw for this boy)

When he ends up finishing in her mouth, he’d kinda be worried as he was so into it that he did not warn her so he’d immediately propose to go get some water and he’d keep ask her if she’s okay  

Then he wouldn't really know what to say so he'd thank her ‘cause, well, she really surprised him with that and he enjoyed all of it (« Thanks for that… You were so good… »)

𝙺𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚗 :

Even he’s trying to act though and chill about sex, it’s still something he’s still a bit shy about

Luckily for him, Candy’s often the one to take initiatives and he loves that about her 

He loves discovering her body with such intimacy and love

Therefore, each time they’re getting a little steamy together, the atmosphere always feels pretty romantic and he often craves it since it’s a bit hard for them to find a moment when they can be totally on their own (because it cannot happen at home with his parents or with Candy’s and almost always around)

Somehow, his girlfriend’s parents were gone for the night to attend a little dinner party at her aunt Agatha’s place. When she invited him to come over, he certainly didn’t make her ask him twice

They’d order pizza and make themselves comfortable in Candy’s room while watching a movie they spent half an hour choosing

And they’d be cuddling together under the sheets with the laptop playing the said movie. But after a little while, Kentin could feel Candy getting a little handsy. He wouldn't mind it at all since it had been a while since they had the chance to be alone together without risking to be interrupted

So he’d start catching up on her mood and he’d let his hands caress her body while she was eagerly placing kisses on his neck 

He’d feel her mouth going up and muttering against his ear that she wanted to try something new and when she told him what she meant by that, it was like he blushed like never before  

The idea never crossed his mind as he was always satisfied with the simplest things when he was with her. Now though, as he was seing her almost eager to taste him, he felt like him reconsidering his whole life and he would shyly accept her offer, aroused at the thought

She’d smile at him before going under the blanket, tracing kisses here and there on her way down

Kentin would be kind of relieved that the blanket was there because he’d probably finish before she reaches him if he could actually witness such a show

He has no idea of what he’s supposed to do with his hands so he’d just grab the sheets, his knuckles turning white from the grip as he feels her mouth taking him 

He’d completely forget about the movie that was keep playing and Candy would  be the only thing in his mind at this moment (she always is tho)

At some point, the feeling of her tongue swirling around his dick would be too much for him to handle and he couldn’t help but to buck his hips a little, feeling that he’s getting close to come undone in her mouth 

It would take him a little moment to process what just happened and to recollect his thoughts but afterwards he would lustfully kiss Candy, thinking about taking initiatives as well.

And we're done ! (will I regret writing that instead of studying for my exam ? Maybe, but I'll have all the time in the world to regret my choice in the exam room), I really hope that this work (if not, well it is what it is I guess)

I'll go study to cleanse my soul but in the meantime, I hope you guys have a nice week !

[lemotmo]

In case you want it. 😊

Q. No Christmas episode. So everyone's timeline was wrong. Why such an early mid season break?

A. Actually, anon, the only thing about Christmas that l predicted was that Christopher wouldn't be back before then. And Eddie leaving for Texas in the mid season finale would still make that accurate since it would happen before Christmas. It is a very early break, but really only by two episodes so its not actually that far off. I also don't understand people who thought the Eddie stuff was going to be stretched out over many episodes. This show doesn't do that. The longest stretch would be 3 episodes at the most. They did Buck's story in one frigging episode. The Eddie part would not be what gets stretched out. The Buddie stuff is where you would get the stretch, if it happens, because anything that happens there would happen in the background over multiple episodes. So it would basically be the C plot in the background over roughly a handful of episodes. Like nothing I said changes just because the finale is after episode 8 instead of 10. Eddie was never going to get a multiple episode focus to tell whatever story for him kicks off in episode 6. He will be the focus of 6 and most likely the B or C plot of 7 and 8. That's it, and that's well within the norm for this show. They aren't going to give him real world time to work things out. It will be in television time, which moves much quicker. The only thing that changed today was episode 9 will now be after the break. And episode 8 is definitely ending on a cliffhanger. Like nothing changed today. Yes we will have a good idea about where the Eddie thing is heading after episode 6, and I still feel like it's a sexuality arc, but we still know nothing until episode 6 airs. Today changed none of that. I will admit that I'm surprised there's not a Christmas episode but it doesn't really change anything. We have to see what episode 6 brings, and we knew that yesterday. We are all anxious to know, trust me I get it. I'm tired and I want answers. I have also been very forthcoming regarding my trust issues with Tim. But even though the man doesn't always make the best storyline choices he's never been intentionally gross. And the way everything has been done on the Eddie/Ryan front so far would be the ultimate gross move on his part, and ABC's, if they didn't do what they have very intentionally made it look like they're doing. And they have all chosen their words and framed it very intentionally. They know what most people think it looks like. Does that mean they won't end up being gross? No, but he has never intentionally been that and I don't see that starting now.

I do want it. Thank you Nonny!

This makes sense. I don't have it in me to add a lot to this ask, since I'm very tired at this point and I need some rest. 🥱

Thanks Ali for being the voice of reason. 🤗

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[rainbowloveletters]

Unexpected Outcome

Greg stepped nervously into the examination room, his slender frame trembling slightly as he perched on the edge of the table, awaiting his check-up. The door swung open and in strode the doctor, Matthew, a towering figure at 6'6". He had a rugged charm about him, with a strong jawline and sparkling blue eyes that seemed to see right through Greg.

"Hello there, Greg," Matthew said warmly, his deep voice putting the younger man at ease. "Just here for your routine physical, I see." He smiled reassuringly.

Greg nodded, voice catching in his throat. "Yes, doctor. I know it's routine but I'm a bit anxious..."

"Well, there's no need to worry," Matthew soothed, placing a comforting hand on Greg's knee. Sparks seemed to dance where their skin met. "I'll take good care of you, I promise."

He began the exam, his large, capable hands moving over Greg's body with surety. They lingered a bit longer than necessary, igniting a fire deep in Greg's belly. Soon, Matthew's hands slipped under the paper gown, caressing Greg's bare skin, making him gasp.

"Shhh, it's okay," Matthew murmured huskily. "Just relax for me."

Greg couldn't help but do as he was told, melting under the doctor's skilled touch. Before he knew it, he was fully aroused, his manhood standing at attention. Matthew smiled wickedly, palming Greg through his underwear.

"Like what you feel, baby?" he purred, squeezing Greg's straining erection. "Your body is just begging for it, isn't it?"

"Mmmh I can't..." Greg whimpered, but his hips bucked shamelessly into the doctor's fist.

"Oh, but you can," Matthew growled, releasing Greg's cock and bringing his fingers to his lips. "You're going to take every inch of my big, fat cock and you're going to love it."

Speechless, trembling and achingly hard, Greg could only nod mutely as Matthew loosened his belt and drew out his massive member. It was easily 12 inches long and girthy as a wrist. Panic and overwhelming desire warred within him as the older man nudged the thick head of his dick against Greg's virgin entrance.

"So tight," Matthew groaned, slowly pushing forward. "Gonna stretch this sweet little hole..."

Greg cried out as he was breached, back bowing off the table at the mix of pleasure and pain. Matthew didn't stop until he was fully seated, his heavy balls nestled against Greg's ass. He remained still for a moment, letting Greg adjust, before he began to move.

The doctor set a hard, fast pace, pounding into Greg's tight heat with abandon. The wet slap of skin on skin echoed obscenely through the room along with their moans. Greg was utterly lost to sensation, his cock bobbing with every thrust, leaking clear fluid onto his stomach.

"Fuck, you're gripping me so tight," Matthew groaned, changing the angle of his hips. He drove in deep, seeking that special spot inside Greg that would make him see stars. "Gonna fill this hole up so good. Pump you full of my cum."

Greg keened, feeling like he was being split open. The pain was intense, but it mixed deliciously with the pleasure. He could feel every inch of Matthew's thick cock as it stretched him wide. "Please, I need..." he panted, not even knowing what he was begging for.

Matthew smirked down at him, sweat beading on his brow from exertion. He shifted one of Greg's legs up over his shoulder, nearly bending him in half. The new position allowed him to go even deeper. "You need what, baby? Need my fat cock? Need me to breed this hungry little ass?"

Greg sobbed, overwhelmed by the filthy words and the feeling of being so utterly dominated. He'd never been taken like this before. It was dirty and wrong, but it felt so good. "Yes, please! I need it!"

Pleased by Greg's desperate pleas, Matthew doubled his efforts. He snapped his hips harder, faster, determined to give the younger man exactly what he craved. The room filled with the sounds of skin slapping against skin and their mingled moans of pleasure.

Greg's entire body was trembling, his muscles clenching down around Matthew's pistoning cock. He could feel his orgasm building, his untouched cock throbbing between his legs. "I'm... I'm gonna..." he warned, his voice high and thin.

"That's it, baby. Let go," Matthew urged, reaching between them to fist Greg's dripping erection. He jerked him off in time with his thrusts, swallowing Greg's cries of ecstasy. "Come for me. Come all over my big cock."

Greg shattered with a sharp cry, his vision going white. His ass spasmed around Matthew's driving cock as he spilled hot and heavy over the doctor's fist. It was the most intense orgasm he'd ever had.

"Fuck, you're gripping me so good," Matthew grunted, angling his hips to hit Greg's prostate dead on. "Gonna...fill this fertile little cunt up...hnngh!"

The rhythmic clenching of Greg's hole was too much for Matthew. With a roar, he buried himself to the hilt and came deep inside Greg's fluttering passage. His cock pulsed, pumping what felt like gallons of hot cum directly into Greg's guts.

Greg saw stars as the older man's cock swelled and jerked, spilling what felt like gallons of hot seed deep into his core. Matthew collapsed on top of him, both of them panting harshly. After a moment, he pulled out, watching in satisfaction as his creamy release oozed out of Greg's reddened, puffy hole.

"All done," Matthew said with a wink. "You did great for your first time. I think you'll be back for more checks than usual now."

Greg flushes bright red, put his hand over the doctor's seed that leaked from his hole, confirming that he was just been seeded by his handsome doctor.

As soon as Dr Matthew came inside Greg, Matthew confessed that his potent seed will ensure Greg carries his offspring. Greg was shocked and stunned by the doctor's brazen admission. "What do you mean?" Greg stammered in disbelief, his mind reeling. "I meant precisely what I said," Matthew replied calmly, a mischievous glint in his eye. "My virile semen contains exceptionally strong sperm, capable of easily impregnating a well-prepared womb such as yours. By releasing my seed deep within you, I have ensured the creation of our offspring."

Greg's jaw dropped open as the weight of the doctor's words slowly sank in. "You can't be serious," he finally managed to rasp out. "Of course I'm serious," Matthew said smugly. "We both know how fertile you are. Your body was practically begging to be bred. And now that I've filled you with my potent essence, there's no doubt that you'll soon be carrying my child." A wave of nausea washed over Greg as he contemplated the unwanted consequences of Matthew's actions.

Just then, Matthew's eyes lit up and he grabbed Greg's wrist, checking his pulse. "Ah yes, your body is already beginning to respond. I can feel your metabolism increasing to prepare for the growth of a new life." Matthew's clinical analysis only added to Greg's rising panic. "Please, you have to understand, I never wanted this," Greg pleaded desperately, struggling to hold back tears. "Shh, don't fret so," Dr Matthew soothed, placing a condescending hand on Greg's cheek. "You needn't worry. I'll be here to guide you through every step of the pregnancy and birth. Together, we will create a perfect child."

Matthew's undesirable reassurance did little to comfort the distraught Greg. As the full implications of his situation came into sharp focus, Greg broke down sobbing uncontrollably, his shoulders shaking with anguish. Matthew watched him impassively, looking more pleased with himself than ever. "Cry now, but soon you'll come to relish your role as mother to our offspring," Matthew said with a self-satisfied smirk. And with those chilling words, he left Greg alone to grapple with the terrifying reality of impending motherhood, courtesy of Matthew's fiendish scheme. The stage was set for a new chapter in their twisted relationship.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸

162 sentences!

SPOILERS AHEAD!

---

Over the past few days, he’s gotten text update after text update. SIngle sentence missives about the state of the man he loves. He cannot visit him. He cannot be there for him. He cannot hold him. He cannot yell at him for his foolishness. 

All Eddie can do is wait. 

Wait and fucking hope. 

He’s had extensive conversations with Christopher in the midst of this limbo. Angry conversations. Sad conversations. Anxious conversations. Conversations about guilt and repression and grief; things he’d never have thought in a million years he’d be willing to discuss with his teenage son. But by the end of it, Christopher isn’t upset with him anymore. Somehow. Somehow, Christopher says he understands. Wants to move forward. 

“I don’t like being mad,” he says. “And I don’t like you being mad at yourself.”

Eddie thinks he’s spent most of his life mad at himself. It’s strange now, to have his son tell him to stop. Like now he has to really do it, in order to not disappoint him. 

So he will try. 

But if Buck doesn’t make it out of this okay, he thinks he will fail. 

Eventually, he gets the phone call from the man himself, on Sophia’s phone. 

“Hey, Eddie,” Buck’s voice rasps through the speakers when Eddie answers, expecting his sister. 

“Buck,” Eddie nearly squeaks. His voice instantly cracking with emotion, like he’s a teen again. “You’re awake.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day?” Buck offers weakly. 

Eddie doesn’t find it funny. 

“How… How are you feeling?” He asks. He can’t sort out the intermingling tendrils of anger and worry and love. 

“Like ass,” Buck admits. “But I’m alive… And I’m not…”

“Yeah.”

He knew that already. But it’s still a relief to hear, nonetheless. 

“Apparently you sort of vaccinated me,” Buck whispers. 

“I did what?” Eddie asks. 

“They think I fought off the infection because of repeated exposure.”

Eddie sits with that for a second. Realizes what it means. 

“Oh my god,” he mutters. 

“So, uh, thank you? Seriously.” 

“Wow. I… Wow.” Eddie exhales. “So you’re just… Okay?”

“I mean, still pretty banged up.” 

“There is that.”

“But yeah, I’m okay. They’re discharging me tomorrow. Just want me to stay another night for monitoring and tests.”

Eddie swallows. One more night. He can handle one more night. He handled months upon months, after all. And even before then, they weren’t together all the time. This separation anxiety should not be so consuming. 

“Okay,” Eddie says. “I’ll see you then. And I’m here to call.” 

“Yeah,” Buck mumbles. Eddie can hear the nerves in his voice. “I love you, Eddie.” 

He says it like he’s worried Eddie might not say it back. Like doing what he did might have erased Eddie’s love. And yet, he was willing to do it. Shit.

“I love you, too, Buck.” Eddie says, trying to erase anything else from his voice. “Get some rest, okay?”

February 15th, 2025

Maddie drives Buck home the next morning, after the doctors determine he’s stable enough to leave. 

“Someone may be in contact,” they say. “Your case could go a long way in progressing research.”

“Fun,” Buck mumbles in response. He loves the idea of being a lab rat, really. 

It’s quiet between him and Maddie in the car. He gets it. He gets why they’re all mad at him. Bobby stopped by to express his anger, too. And also his worry. He thinks they’ll all forgive him, just maybe not as easily as Sophia. Sophia, who would have done the same thing in Buck’s position. That’s the main reason she can’t stay angry. 

Maddie, though? Maddie might be able to stay very angry.

“Look, Mads,” he says once they’re on the road. “I’m really sorry.”

“Somehow, I doubt that,” she says. 

“What?” Buck frowns. 

“You’re really sorry you failed and almost died,” she says.

“Well, yeah?”

“Not that you did it.”

Buck swallows. Okay, so maybe she’s got him there. 

“I had to try,” he says. 

“Did you?” She asks.

“Yes! Wouldn’t you do the same for Chim?”

“If he was in immediate danger, sure? But it looks like the only immediate danger that night was the danger you caused.” Maddie scolds. “After saying you spent months and months having to be so careful.” 

“Eddie is in danger!” Buck argues. “The world puts him in danger!”

“The answer to that is not getting yourself killed, Evan! The answer to that is working to make change where you can!” 

Buck looks away from her. He feels heated with anger and shame. Something deep down in him sees the sense in what she’s saying, but he doesn’t feel it. He feels that he did what he had to. He tried. 

But he failed. So none of it really matters anyway. 

Everyone’s anger might have been easier to swallow if he’d succeeded and Eddie was safe. 

Buck takes a deep breath.

“I am sorry I scared you.” He tries. “And got blood all over your car.”

Maddie sighs. He sees the crack in her anger. 

“Evan, I know this has been hard on you. Hard in a way I don’t understand because I’ve been fortunate enough not to experience it.”

He looks at his feet. 

“But when I see you get reckless with your life again, the way you used to, it scares me,” she says. “It makes me worry for you, beyond just the physical harm.”

That… That’s a fair statement. 

“You’re probably not wrong,” he says quietly. “I’ve been… I’ve been anxious. Like, uh… Like something bad is always waiting around the corner and I’m going to lose him again.”

Maddie nods. “You did lose him. For a long time. I get why it doesn’t feel safe now.”

Buck’s throat feels tight. 

“You have to deal with it properly,” Maddie says. “I think you know that.”

And maybe he hadn’t, before. But he thinks he does now.

“Yeah,” Buck whispers. “Okay.”

He doesn’t know exactly how to do that. But he supposes he owes it to everyone he nearly died on the other night to at least try. 

[missmagooglie]

ROTFL honestly about how hair-trigger both Buck and Eddie have been for commitment in 6b. But coming at it from completely different directions. Eddie catastrophizes himself into anxiety attacks over nothing, while Buck ignores every single warning sign and commits himself wholeheartedly at the slightest interest.

First there's Eddie, who literally just sees a woman in his tia's kitchen and immediately goes "I can't marry her!" Like, babe. No one's asking you to? You're allowed to go on dates that aren't lifetime commitments?

He reminds me of those precocious but over-anxious kids who have one (1) minor thing go wrong and they spiral out and suddenly they're like ".... and THEN I'll default on my mortgage and be left with nothing! Is that what you want?" And you, an adult, are just standing there blinking like "How do you know what a mortgage is? You're nine."

And then there's Buck. He's the girl who buys a bath bomb and unironically says, "this will fix my life." That sort of "spiral up" technique they tell you to do in therapy, but in a toxic positivity way.

Honestly, I am so curious about whether Natalia even thought she was on a date with Buck. Like, here she is, a professional whose job it is to help people understand and accept death so that they can have a more peaceful and fulfilling end to their life. And she meets a guy who, within minutes of meeting her, shares that he actually clinically died for a few minutes. As someone who is so invested in understanding and demystifying death, of course she's fascinated! It felt very obvious that she was asking him to have coffee to talk about that experience specifically, rather than having an explicitly romantic intent.

But poor Buck very obviously interpreted it as a date, and now he's over here telling Eddie "I feel like she really sees me" like they're halfway to being in love already.

And listen, I don't think any part of what we've seen so far between Buck and Natalia is a bad thing. Even her "fangirling" over his near-death. Because here's the thing: yes, it would be devastating for Eddie or Maddie or Bobby to hear someone be excited about "that time Buck literally died". But fortunately, Natalia wasn't talking to any of them. She was talking to Buck. She was talking from the perspective of someone who knows Buck is still alive before she even learned that he died, and she's interested in his experience. And I genuinely do not think it's a bad thing for Buck to talk to someone who can recognize that what he went through was transformational in a way that can be positive if he allows it to be. No one who loves him can talk to him about this experience without bringing their own grief from nearly losing him to the conversation - and that's totally understandable, but it's also what makes talking with someone new about these experiences so alluring and so (potentially) helpful.

But the other thing Buck and Eddie have in common is avoidance. We saw Eddie avoid thinking about what he wants from a romantic partner when he was with Ana to the point where the avoidance was giving him panic attacks. Buck talked to Natalia and got the chance to process some if the ways his experience with death was positive. He's also so caught up in that positive feeling that he's letting himself not confront or process some of the ways his death was decidedly NOT positive -- both for him and for the people who love him.

Natalia doesn't have grief clouding her view of what happened to Buck. She doesn't have the tumultuous emotional background of all the ways Buck has been hurt and then tried to tape himself back together. Natalia only knows what Buck chooses to share with her.

In other words, it's easy with her.

Where have we heard that before?

[whollyjoly]

shuffle your favorite playlist and post the first five songs that come up. then copy/paste this ask to your favorite mutuals <3

I AM SO BEHIND ON ASKS but HELLO PRETZ MY DEAR!!!

alright alright i think im just going to do my "on repeat" playlist because that feels like the right vibe!!

Don't Know What's Come Over You - The Ruen Brothers

look...i love the ruen brothers. i love them SO MUCH. have i used songs from them for moodboards in both the bob and the 911 fandoms?? yes yes i have. i will shout about them from the rooftops because i just love their music!!! SO MUCH!!!

also i got to see them in concert a few weeks back and they are just!! so talented AND so nice!!! ahhhhhh okay anyways

2. Dream Girl Evil - Florence + The Machine

i have been on SUCH a florence + the machine kick recently!! you can blame @xxluckystrike for reminding me just how much i love them a few months back 😅 and ive been OBSESSED ever since so thank you blu!!!

also idk what it is but with canon bi!buck, i just feel like he would fucking love f+atm okay?? so i am living not just vicariously through him but FOR him

3. The Storm in You - The Ruen Brothers

LOOK i said i was obsessed and so it is not surprising in the least that they're on my "on repeat" playlist multiple times 😅😅 this song IN PARTICULAR though is a personal fav!! there's something about it that just makes me want to dance?? like swing or blues dance, something slow on a summer evening with the sun bathing everything in a dark pink and golden glow...

(they also played a slow version of this at the concert i went to that made my heart MELT so im especially obsessed)

4. A.M. Radio - The Lumineers

look i've been a lumineers girlie for a long time, and this album is just SUCH easy listening for me!! if ever im feeling overwhelmed or anxious, this is one of my go-to albums to put on and just turn off my brain!!

is it basic hipster of me?? maybe. do i care?? HELL no!!

5. The Exception - Dustbowl Revival feat. The Secret Sisters

okay okay so this is funny because like?? i have NO idea where i found this song?? maybe it was on one of the daylists or something, but all i know is that i found it and theres something about it that scratches SUCH a good itch in my brain?? it's also sooooo cute, not just the song and the lyrics but the album art too!! look at that!! the lil astronauts and a flower!!

but like, tell me this doesnt just make your heart so happy:

and i could go forevermore / maybe we open a general store in some small town / where no one could find us

no matter what i say or what I do / i can't live without you 'cause you're the exception to the rule

its literally the most kicking my feet twirling my hair giggling song i can think of rn, i love it just SO much!!

ANYWAYS thank you so much for sending this to my pretz my dear!! i hope you are doing WONDERFULLY and i just adore you SO MUCH!! 🥰💖✨

[perniicious]

𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐅𝐈𝐂 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒

WHAT DOES YOUR MUSE SMELL LIKE?  sweat and salty sea air, pine trees and bonfire smoke, with a hint of cigarettes and weed.

WHAT DO YOUR MUSE’S HANDS FEEL LIKE?  rough and calloused.

WHAT DOES YOUR MUSE USUALLY EAT IN A DAY?  growing up food was scarce which led buck to be not much of a big eater, often he'll just forget to eat all together which works out with him being homeless and all but when he does eat it's usually canned food, gas station food, or the occasional meal at a diner. if he had to pick a favorite food it would have to be seafood, buck loves anything that comes out of the ocean.

DOES YOUR MUSE HAVE A GOOD SINGING VOICE?  Yes! he loves to play guitar and sing and he's pretty damn good at it.

DOES YOUR MUSE HAVE ANY BAD HABITS OR NERVOUS TICKS? you can usually tell he's feeling nervous or agitated by how often he runs his hands through his hair or how many cigarettes he's been smoking, also he has a habit of chewing his nails and pacing when he feels restless and anxious.

WHAT DOES YOUR MUSE USUALLY LOOK LIKE / WEAR? dirty!! like he needs a shower lol his clothes are almost always old and torn up and stained, loose jeans, falling apart t-shirts, random sweaters, floral button ups and oversized jackets. really just anything he can find in lost and found or donation bins, bandanas and bracelets made from old fabric. he always has on a necklace with a single seashell on it from where he grew up. he has a few stick and poke tattoos on his arms, hands, and fingers, as well as cartilage piercing on his right ear.

IS YOUR MUSE AFFECTIONATE? HOW SO? not at first. affection is something you have to earn with buck both on the giving and receiving end. it takes a deep connection for him to feel comfortable with any sort of tenderness but once he finally does he is a super affectionate person, always going out of his way to make his significant other feel loved and cared for.

WHAT POSITION DOES YOUR MUSE SLEEP IN?  he's mostly a side sleeper, always curled up into a ball to keep warm seeing as most the time he's sleeping outside.   

COULD YOU HEAR YOUR MUSE IN THE HALLWAY FROM ANOTHER ROOM? really it just depends on his mood, when he's feeling low he tends to disappear into the space and not draw attention to himself but when he's feeling manic he can be loud and crazy and totally uncaring.

tagged by: @petitsdieu <3

tagging: @infernalrampage, @depictedblue, @faithfled, @ghsteye, @anthrcpophagi, @nadinehunt, @nitebit, really just anyone who sees it and wants to do it!! pls steal it from me i wanna know about your muses:)

[shyinadarkplace]

So you like Big?- part four

Pairings: Clark Kent x Reader

Warnings: There is definite size kink, future office sex?, Clark Kent (yes he is a warning), language, I can't think of any thing else. There are some dom/sub themes but nothing to crazy. I guess I should also include that Lois Lane is a pretty shite person in this whole series.

Authors Note: THIS IS MY VERY FIRST REQUEST EVER! This whole thing comes from this lovely anon ask -"Hi Sweetie ! Can I request something fluffy/smutty with Clark Kent? He notices the reader has a size kink so he plays with her?" This is where all the good stuff happens. It is a bit of a slow burn based of an established friendship. It does get a little heavy at times but I promise there is a bunch more light hearted and steamy things coming. Thank you for reading.

Word Count:

Please do not copy rewrite, translate or repost my works. No permission is given to use my work in any capacity even with credit. I do not own Clark Kent , Henry Cavill or any of his characters.

Wednesday

  After yesterday there was nothing I wanted more than to stay home. I don’t like conflict, it makes me anxious and I feel more of it coming, but I buck up and go in. Surprisingly the day goes by without a hitch. Everyone is productive and polite. The whole office feels lighter. Hell I even hear the occasional laughter which hasn’t happened in forever. It’s nice. 

*ding*

Big: I’ve barely gotten to talk to you today. Come have lunch with me ? 

Honestly I can’t help the stupid grin that I get on my face. I text back : of course. 

*ding* 

Big: Great! Meet me in the hall gorgeous. 

Instantly my imagination takes a turn towards kinky. I mean my audiobook isn’t helping but still this is a little dramatic. I spend the next ten minutes until it’s time for my lunch break trying and failing not to imagine Clark whisking me away to some secluded part of the building and absolutely dominating me. Or the way his lips would feel as he eats me out. Or better yet what his cock would feel like. As soon as noon hits I fly out of my chair, the sound of Tiff’s suppressed giggle follows me as I  rush to meet Clark who is already waiting. He grins when he sees me. I don’t know why but that makes my chest flutter. We come in for a hug and I hear his deep slow inhale. A hum vibrates his chest as he keeps me close and whispers in my ear huskily “You smell mouth watering. Maybe you should call in the rest of the day.” I giggle and deflect  “Stop it. We both know I can’t do that.” He gets this look . “ But you would if you could?” I laugh a little again “Well yeah no one really wants to work all day Clark.” He nods gently, taking my hand as we walk. I lean against his shoulder and enjoy the feeling. The sun is warm on my skin and as we walk I find myself practically dosing. The low soft tone of Clarks voice pulls me from my head “Hey sweetheart you alright?” I hadn’t realized we were almost at Glorias. “Huh, oh yeah. Just kinda tired I guess. Haha.” He gives me a look cocking one eyebrow at me. “What?’ I ask. “Just makin’ sure my woman is alright that’s all. Come on let’s get you some food.” He says opening the door for me. I whisper a thank you and he just gives me that half smile that turns my insides to mush. 

Clarks POV 

There is nothing I currently love more than the adorable way that (y/n) is looking at me. The touches now charged with the Promise of so much more than I had ever dared to hope. The smiles a reflection of someone shedding the past and welcoming something beautiful and new. Fuck me she is so damn gorgeous. “Clark are you coming? Is everything alright?” “oh. Sorry about that. I was just thinking about how gorgeous you are.” Nessie comes over bright and cheery as always taking us to the secluded table that we always like. “I’m gonna put in y’all’s usual unless you want something else?” We both agree the usual is fine. “Alright. So what book are you reading?” I chuckle as she immediately blushes. “Uhhhh. Well it’s a romance.” (Y/N/N) doesn’t say anything else. Oh no she’s not getting off that easy. Well at least for this conversation anyway. “Hmmmmm,” I lower my voice an octave. “Okay. I’llguess then and you tell me yes or no. Sound good?” The blush deepens. “Yeah okay we can do that but you’ll never guess.” Awwwww this is going to be fun. “ Genre is Paranormal Romance?” She nods. “shifters?” another nod. “I’m going to guess bear shifters? Probably as what Lumberjacks, firemen, forest rangers?” “Yeah forest ranger.” “Okay so now we get to the fun part. size kink?” She jolts upright. “wtf Clark how do you know that?” I have been waiting to say this for a long time. “Because I know you. And you Sweetheart like them Big. Don’t you baby?” Well fuck I think I broke her. It takes her a minute to answer. “I’m not answering that.” I chuckle. “Okay. I can always test the theory. Now back to the book. I’m gonna say lumberjack bear shifter who is also a Dom. Or at least has Dom tendencies. Meets a cute curvy little thing while she is hiking one day and boom. He scents her sweet sugar cookie scent and he knows that they are meant to be. He takes the time getting to know her and they start dating. One night they go back to his cozy cabin where she learns that her big soft bear knows how to play her body like an upright bass. He even sniffs out her choking kink. He tells her how sweet she is. How good she is taking him. And so on. Am I close sweetheart?” She nods as Nellie comes over with our food. I let the food distract her and just enjoy sitting in her company as she eats and reads on her phone. I can smell her arousal. Like honey. Fuck me if I wasn’t hard from talking about the obvious smut book she is enjoying I am now. Achingly so. 

*ding*

(y/n/n) : out of morbid curiosity would you uh like to come over to my place this weekend?

Me: Did me talking about that book get you curious?

*ding*

(y/n/n) answer the question Kent. 

Me: I would love to come over this weekend. 

I can’t help the smirk that plays on my lips. I can’t wait to have her all to myself.

Holy Batmobile. Clark said he would come over this weekend. I am going to lose my mind. The rest of lunch is spent quietly, with Clark sending me heated glances that make my stomach flutter, and me refusing to wiggle in my seat as his words replay in my head. After lunch we hurry back to the office. I head over to my desk and set my bag down and head toward the back stairs. Before the stairs there is a small closet with various supplies, I stop there as an intern frantically rushes by with an overloaded mail cart, which swerves erratically as the big body of Clark trips and sends us both flying in to the closet. The door closes with a thud before either of us can catch it. “I am so sorry!” The intern practically yells as he tries to open the door. “The door is stuck, uhm I will call maintenance.” While the intern calls and talks to them I lean against the wall and sigh. Clark smirks. “What’s so funny Kent?” He doesn’t answer, just takes off his suit jacket and carefully places it on an empty shelf along with his shoulder bag. As he comes to stand in front of me I put my back firmly against the wall. Fuck. Every scene from every book or fanfiction about being locked in somewhere with the object of your desire races through my head. Clark stalks forward with all the predatory grace of a big cat. I’m pretty sure my mind blanks out as he cages me in with his body and forces eye contact. My lizard brain kicks in because all I can think is big he is big. So safe. So strong. So god damn big.

[pankowperfection]

Hey queen do you think we can get some Rudy fluff or birthday sex!? I feel like I haven’t seen enough Rudy today on tumblr. If not I totally understand!! I love all of your stories they are soo good!! Luv you babes ❤️

Hi queen! Absolutely, I am always down to write for Rudy/JJ and I was planning on writing him something for his special day anyway. Hope you like it!

The Perfect Present

Summary: You give Rudy the best birthday gift ever

Warnings: smut, role playing, professor x student role play, oral (male receiving), spanking, implied sex, 18+

You knew exactly what you wanted to gift Rudy for his birthday: his ultimate fantasy. After a few drinks one night, he had confessed to you that he would love if you'd dress up like a school girl and role play with him as the teacher. Initially it made you anxious, you worried about being awkward or not being into it and totally ruining the experience for him. You talked to several of your friends and did some research online, only making yourself more and more eager to give him exactly what he wanted.

You'd found the perfect outfit: red and black plaid mini skirt, a white button up top that you had tied into mostly just a bra, nothing on beneath it. You completed the look with a pair of thigh high stockings, black heels on your feet, and fake glasses adorning your face. He was about to be home any minute, Chase and Drew having taken him out for a few hours so you could get everything ready. You checked over your appearance one last time in the mirror before heading out to your shared home office, reclining in the comfortable chair and tossing your feet onto the desk. When he came in the front door he'd have the perfect view of you when he walked into the room.

A few moments later you heard the distinctive sound of his keys jingling, sucking in a shaky breath and hoping you'd gotten every detail right. "Baby? Where are you?" he calls out, setting down his things and kicking off his shoes. "I'm in the office Ru. Got your birthday present ready for you." You hear his footsteps echoing down the hall, mere seconds away from him finally seeing what you'd done. "Aw y/n, I told you that you didn't have to get me anything." Just as he finishes his sentence he appears in the door frame, jaw going slack at the sight of you. For a few seconds he just stands there staring, unsure whether this is real. You decide to slip right into your role, hoping that he'll play along.

"Professor Pankow? I wanted to see if there was anything I could do to improve my grade in your class. Anything at all," you give him a wink, twirling your ponytail around your finger as he walks closer to the desk. "Well Miss Y/L/N, I'm not sure your grade is salvageable at this point. Especially when you're sitting in my office chair without my permission." You pull your legs down slowly, letting him catch a glimpse of your red lace thong before pushing yourself to your feet. "Oh sir, please. I'll do anything, I can't fail this class." "Anything hm? Well, perhaps you can try to persuade me." He sinks down into the plush leather, motioning towards the straining zipper of his pants. "How about you show me what that mouth can do, besides talk during my lectures?" "Yes sir," you breathe, immediately dropping to your knees on the floor.

You quickly undo the button of his jeans, sliding down the zipper as you gaze up at him through your lashes. He lifts his hips to help you, slowly pulling the material down his legs to his ankles. "Fuck sir, you're so big." He grins cockily before grabbing hold of your hair, pulling your face within inches of his cock. "Better get to work sweetheart." You instantly oblige, wrapping your hand around the base as you lick the pre-cum from his tip. He moans loudly, bucking up into your face and trying to force his length into your mouth. You trace the vein running up his shaft with your tongue, swirling it around the tip before sucking him in deep. "Oh shit," he groans, grip on your hair tightening as you start to bob your head up and down. "God you look so pretty like this. Like you were made to suck my cock." His praise has your panties soaking wet, rubbing your thighs together for any sense of relief as you continue to suck him off. After a few minutes he pulls you off, spit dripping down your chin. "That's enough. Stand up and bend over the desk."

With shaky legs you do as he ordered, hanging on tightly to the far side to brace yourself for what's to come. "Are you wet for me Miss Y/L/N?" His fingers dive under the short material of your skirt, tracing softly over your panties and driving you crazy. "Yes sir. Please." You weren't sure what you were begging for, enjoying the role playing so much that you would have given him everything. "Since you have an F and want to get an A, I'm going to spank you 5 times. If you manage to take it, I'll consider changing your grade." You hear him rustling in the drawer beside you, realizing that he's grabbed the ruler. "Hang on tight baby," he murmurs, the sound of plastic swinging through the air before the first blow lands on your ass. Rather than scream you moan, only spurring him on further. "Oh? Such a dirty girl for her professor aren't you?" The remaining blows come quickly, each cheek warm from his assault.

"Are you okay y/n?" he breaks the trance, laying soft kisses on your shoulder before pulling you up to face him. "More than okay actually. I hope you liked your birthday gift baby." He smiles, leaning down to kiss you deeply. "I fucking loved it. Best birthday ever. Now, why don't we go finish this in the shower?" You swat him playfully on the ass, letting him lead you back into your shared bedroom for round two.

Please let me know if you want to be added to my taglist

@adventuresinobx @starkeyobx @hoebx @ailee-celeste @pankowforlife @outerbankspov @houseofperfecttaste @drewbooooo @my-baexht-ls @maybanks-luver @blueicequeen19 @toystory2wasjustokay @i-always-come-back-xoxo

[insomniac-astronomer]

America Chavez x Reader: Signature Jacket

Hi loves! I'm on an America kick rn. I dressed up as her for my 2nd Halloween costume lol (my first was Harley Quinn).

Description: Reader is jealous of everybody's personalized statement jackets.

Gender: neutral! No pronouns used!

WARNINGS: being a lil anxious

This is a young avengers fic.

*not my gif*

You are sitting with all the avengers at dinner. Everyone is enjoying their Mac and cheese, but something is on your mind.

"America, where'd you get your jean jacket?" You suddenly ask.

Everyone looks at you sort of confused.

"Uh, I found the jacket in some universe and thrifted it." She says.

"Kamala, where'd you get yours?"

Kamala shrugs. "I dunno. Found the jacket and embroidered the patches on."

You sigh.

"Why do you ask?" Kamala almost sarcastically asks, knowing you'll tell them what you want anyway.

"Cause I want a signature jacket but I don't have any sewing or clothing abilities." You frown.

"Mine was mostly how it came." Yelena says.

You glare at her. "Nu-uh. You added more pockets."

"That is true," she concludes as she adds more hot sauce (A/N: I literally CANNOT remember what she actually added for the life of me and I can't find the episode script anywhere, if someone could pls lmk that would be great).

"I can't just buy something, then it wouldn't be cool and authentic like all of yours." You pout.

💫

A few weeks later, you are lying in your bed watching something on the TV that you honestly couldn't care less about. It is 1am, you're tired but you can't sleep and you're so unexplainably lonely for no reason.

Suddenly, there's a knock on your door, literally making you jump so hard you drop the sleeve of crackers sitting next to you onto the floor.

"Shit," you whisper as you stand up, careful to avoid making the crackers a bigger mess. "Who the hell is knocking on my door at this god-forsaken hour of the morning."

By this time, the sleep deprivation has set in so you sound like a founding father turned into a goblin.

You open the door to see America standing there. Your heart immediately skips a beat. Your hair is a mess, there's crackers on the floor, and you've turned into your nightly maniac doppleganger and now your crush decides to come knocking?! Now she wants to talk?! Not all the times you deliberately dressed up when you knew she was coming over and put on makeup and brushed your teeth!

Of course. No, this makes perfect sense.

"Hi?" You try to bring your crazy voice down a few notches.

"Hi, um," she shifts. "I wanted to bring you this."

She pulls from behind her back a jean jacket hoodie (whatever those things are actually called). It has little hearts stained onto the sleeves and a few of the buttons have little smiley faces on them and embroidered to the front is your superhero logo.

You blink for a moment. America shifts again nervously.

"You uh-" she clears her throat. "You said you wanted a jacket and so I just, um, found this one and added some stuff but if you don't like it that's okay. This was stupid, I shouldn't of-"

"No," you cut her off, taking the jacket out of her hands. "I love it." You beam.

"Really?" She looks so relieved. Why is she this stressed over talking to you?

"Yes! It's so cool!" You squeal. Before you know what you're doing, your muscles move and you pull America into a hug.

You blush when you realize what you've done. But only a second later, her arms wrap around you. A little smile grows on your face.

"This is the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me." You practically whisper. Why are you whispering? You pull out of the hug. "Thank you so much. I-"

The words die on your tongue as you see America's eyes flick down to your lips for just a second. You can feel yourself leaning closer to her and you think she's leaning too. Then, you lips connect ever so gently and sweetly.

"Ten bucks!" Kamala's voice scares both of you, causing you to bump foreheads. America's eyes immediately widen as she touches your forehead to make sure you're okay.

Your heart doesn't know what to do.

"Да пошла ты, сука. Don't be so cocky." Yelena yells back. "You only won by two days!"

"Haha," Kamala taunts. "You wish you won by two days."

"You bet on us?" You finally lay eyes on Kalama who was not even trying to hide.

"Well, yeah. Not like you wouldn't do the same if you were us."

"I'm moving out tonight." You declare, grabbing America's wrist and gently guiding her inside your door before slamming it shut.

You both burst into little giggles. You love this family.

Thx for reading, don't steal!

Hey, saw you requested to be tagged in America fics, lmk if you want to be removed @fl0r3ncewifey

Buy me a coffee?

[winter-soldier-vibes]

avenger!reader who suffers from depression and is really hard on herself/themself and blames themself after a mission went wrong and locks themselves out, bucky is worried abt them and comforts them

Bucky Barnes x reader

Word count:3102 (wow I went off the rails a bit huh 😅)

Warnings: self-blame, mentions of death, nightmares, panic attacks, breakdown, lots of tears, this one’s really angsty, flashbacks, some fluff/comfort but so much angst

A/N: I loved this request and had a great time writing it. This one’s a lil more angsty than I usually do and deals with some heavier themes than some of my other ones, so please take care of yourself and heed the warnings. I love you guys so much!

There was nothing you could have done.

You were the first off the quinjet, anxious to get out of the unbearable silence.

You kept your head down as you walked quickly to your room, trying to make as little noise as possible, stumbling to get into your room as fast as possible, locking the door behind you as you let the tears fall.

You looked up at the ceiling, trying to stave off your breakdown as you tried to keep taking even breaths.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.?” you said in a small voice.

“Yes?” the AI responded.

You took a shaky breath, trying to keep your voice even. “Turn on soundproofing, please.”

“As you wish. I am picking up on signs of distress, would you like me to call Sergeant Barnes?”

You shook your head violently at the thought of anyone, especially your boyfriend seeing you like this. “No.”

“Are you sure? Would you like me to call -”

“Don’t let anyone in this room.”

“As you wish, Y/n.”

You heard a noise indicating that the room had been soundproofed.

And you lost it.

You brought a hand to your face and sank back against the wall, shoulders shaking with the force of your sobs. You pushed yourself back against the wall, trying to ground yourself. Your mind flashed back to the mission you had just returned from and you let out an agonizing scream.

You’ll never forget the looks on their faces.

“Y/n, come on we have to go!”

“Wait - no I almost have them!”

“Help us - please - no don’t go!”

Blood curdling screams that didn’t belong to you, followed by your own.

A building had collapsed on an innocent family in the aftermath of the fight. You tried to get them out, but you were too late, Steve pulling you away at the last second before you were taken out too.

You were so angry, you had been so close - if you had seen them sooner, if you had just a few more seconds, maybe you could’ve gotten them out.

The last thing that they saw was their only hope being pulled away from them before being suffocated.

You were the last thing they saw, you had promised to get them out.

And you had lied to them.

The last thing they felt was hope that they’d see another day. No - the last thing they felt was betrayal and fear when they realized that one of the world’s greatest heroes couldn’t be their hero too.

The moments that had followed were a blur, your eyes frozen on where their eyes had been, shock coursing through your veins. You had seen someone die before but...not like that. Not when you could’ve maybe saved them.

The shock quickly bubbled into anger as you turned to Steve.

“Why the FUCK would you do that? I could’ve saved them!”

“You would’ve died Y/n!”

“If you hadn’t been distracting me then maybe I would’ve gotten them out in time!”

You had angry tears in your eyes, hitting Steve’s chest and doing exactly nothing to his broad form while he tried to console you.

“Get the fuck away from me! I could’ve saved them, this is YOUR fault.”

The ride back was silent. No one dared to talk to you about what had happened. You felt bad after a while but you couldn’t apologize without completely crumbling. If you opened your mouth you were certain that sobs would come rather than words.

You did feel horrible for what you said, because it wasn’t true. It wasn’t Steve’s fault.

It was yours.

So you waited until you returned to the privacy of your room, screaming bloody murder over the guilt you felt. Replaying what had happened, telling yourself everywhere you had gone wrong, every hesitation that could’ve given you an extra few seconds.

You felt like you’d never stop seeing their eyes, paralyzed by fear.

You were the last thing they saw, and now you would remember their last moment for the rest of yours.

You couldn’t imagine the amount of pain and fear they had felt when they realized they weren’t getting out of the rubble alive. That they would die as a part of a warzone they didn’t intend to be a part of. The feeling of hope draining from their bodies, blood running cold as they realized they had mere seconds left.

“No!” you screamed at the top of your lungs, body curling in on itself as you drew your knees in and wrapped your arms around your torso, sick to your stomach.

This was your fault, and you would never forget it.

---

The rest of the team had sighed as they watched you get off the quinjet, walking a bit too fast to be alright. They shared concerned looks with each other, watching your form disappear into the compound.

You weren’t okay, but after what had happened when Steve tried to approach you, they thought it best to give you some space.

The rest of them entered the compound, going their separate ways as Steve sat to down and ran a hand down his face, trying to get his mind off of what had happened. He was shaken up too, but he couldn’t lose you like that. You would die protecting strangers, and while he thought that was noble, he wondered when there wouldn’t be someone to pull you out in time.

Bucky had come down to check on you, knowing that the team had gotten back from a mission. But before he could knock on the door, F.R.I.D.A.Y. spoke. “Sergeant Barnes, Y/n has requested that she not be disturbed.”

Bucky furrowed his eyebrows, both in concern and confusion. Usually when a mission hit you hard, you would talk to him about what had happened. So either you were just tired, or this was worse than it had ever been.

He clenched his jaw and stood there for another few moments before he walked away, heading towards anyone who may be able to tell him what happened on the mission.

He came into the common room, seeing Steve doing a mission report. Well - the mission report was in front of him and he was staring blankly at it.

“Steve?” Bucky said softly, trying not to startle him.

Steve didn’t look up.

“Steve,” Bucky said a little louder.

Steve looked up from the papers, shaking his head slightly. “Hey, Buck. What’s up?”

“Are you okay?” Bucky asked, taking in Steve’s tired appearance and how his mind seemed elsewhere.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Steve said, barely looking at Bucky.

“You know, I’ve taken care of enough black eyes from mister back-alley hero to know when you’re not really fine.” Bucky said with a small smirk.

Steve’s eyes flicked up to Bucky’s as he sighed. “It’s not me you should be worried about,” he muttered.

“What happened?” Bucky asked.

Steve recounted the mission to his friend, Bucky getting increasingly concerned about you. He knew you had a tendency to blame yourself for different things, and he knew what blaming yourself for someone’s death was like, even if you couldn’t control the situation.

Bucky was brainwashed. You were too late. Two different things, but the survivor's guilt was excruciating.

“Is she okay?” Bucky asked nervously.

“She didn’t get hurt, if that’s what you mean,” Steve started, “but she seemed pretty shaken up. You haven’t talked to her?”

“She doesn’t want to be bothered,” Bucky said.

Steve nodded. “Just give her some time,” he said, worriedly.

Bucky nodded, though unconvinced. He bottled up his emotions until the two of you met. Ever since the two of you never kept anything from each other. And he knew that seeing someone die and feeling at fault for it could destroy you. He wasn’t sure if time and space was what you needed.

But it was what you wanted right now. So he wouldn’t get in the way.

----

Back in your room you were curled in a ball on the floor, sobs wracking your body as you lost all sense of time and space and all you knew was it hurt and if you closed your eyes they were right there and you couldn’t do anything about it. You had a hand pressed to your chest as you tried to breathe but eventually gave way to a new surge of agony when your mind went back to how people died and you couldn’t help them.

You tried to calm down but then your mind would remind you that they had a family and they would never see them again and it was your fault.

“Stop, please just stop,” you put your hands over your ears as you tugged slightly on your hair.

They died terrified.

“Please make it stop,” you sobbed.

You were supposed to help them and you failed.

“No, God, please stop…”

They died because of you

----

You had fallen asleep on the floor at some point, when, you weren’t sure, but you woke up to your own screams. You were drenched in a cold sweat, dried tears on your face and chest heaving as you tried to breathe. You brought your hands to your mouth when you realized it was just a dream, sobbing once again.

You didn’t know why these people’s death was hitting you harder than any other death you had seen. This wasn’t the first time you had seen people die - far from it. You’d killed your fair share of agents without a hint at remorse. Because they deserved it.

You’d seen buildings burn down, fall apart, innocent people die - but you’d never felt as responsible as you did this time. Because they were right there. And you were so close.

But they still died and you saw their last moments. And you were theirs.

And it was destroying you.

----

You didn’t leave your room the following day. Or the day after that.

Needless to say, the team was extremely worried about you. Especially Bucky.

He knew what survivor’s guilt could do to a person, and he knew being alone with your thoughts wasn’t helping. He also knew that pushing the topic could do much more harm than good, causing you to retreat further into yourself.

He tried texting you, wanting to let you know that he was there for you, that he was worried about you, and that he loved you.

None of them went though because your phone was off, you having not even looked at it since coming back from the mission.

F.R.I.D.A.Y. was still telling everyone that you did not want to be disturbed, as you had requested. Obviously Tony had the power to override the locks, but again, no one wanted to push you.

When it had been 3 days since you had seen any sunlight, Bucky had had enough. He knew you couldn’t be taking proper care of yourself and he couldn’t let you do that to yourself. He had Tony override your locks and he came to your door, knocking gently.

“Y/n?”

Silence.

He knocked again, a little louder. “Y/n? I’m coming in, alright?”

Silence.

Bucky took a deep breath before he opened your door slowly, peeking his head in. it was the middle of the afternoon and your room was dark, the only light coming from the hallway and from the cracks between the shades, which were drawn shut.

Bucky let himself in and turned on a lamp, shutting the door behind him. He looked at you with worried eyes as he took in your appearance.

You were pressed up against the headboard of your bed, knees drawn to your chest as you stared blankly, your eyes fixated on your bedsheets. Your eyes were red, face blotchy, your hair was a mess and you were still wearing your uniform from the mission.

“You shouldn’t be here,” you said quietly, voice raspy from yelling these past few days.

“Y/n -”

“Get out,” you said quietly, though not angrily.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that, y/n.”

“Please,” you said, cursing yourself as your voice cracked. You didn’t want to breakdown in front of Bucky.

“It’s not your fault, y/n.”

You pushed yourself off of the bed, shaking your head. “I’m not doing this right now, Bucky.”

“You’re going to have to talk about it at some point, y/n.”

“Not if I can help it.”

“This kind of thing isn’t going to go away, okay? Time heals but not by itself.” You weren’t listening as you ran a hand over your face, overwhelmed.

“Please, talk to me y/n. You’re going to make yourself sick.”

“I’m fine.”

“This isn’t fine. Not taking care of yourself and living in the dark staring at the wall isn’t fine, y/n. Please, don’t hide from me. It’s just me, y/n.”

You shook your head, eyes glazed over like glass. “I could’ve saved them.” you said simply.

“Y/n, there was nothing -”

“BULLSHIT!” You yelled. “There had to have been something I could do, if I had gotten there earlier or - or if I had moved faster or been stronger then I could’ve gotten them out! It’s my fault they’re dead okay? I couldn’t save them and that’s my fault!”

Bucky walked over to you slowly, asking you to look at him. “It isn’t your fault, y/n. The building collapsed, no one could’ve gotten them out.”

“I could have saved them.” you said again, tears falling down your face. “I could have gotten them out. I was the last thing they saw and you know what I was doing? Being carried away like some coward. They died afraid because a superhero couldn’t save them. And that’s on me.”

Bucky shook his head slightly. “You can’t save everyone, y/n.”

“So what, am I supposed to choose? I’m supposed to choose whether I save people or move on because they aren’t part of the mission? Am I supposed to let them die?” you asked incredulously.

“You can’t risk your own life like that, y/n.”

“What? And pretend like my life is any more important than theirs?!” you exclaimed.

“Y/n -”

“No, why do I have the right to walk away from people because I’m afraid of getting hurt when they’re about to die? What gives me that right?”

“Because I can’t lose you!” Bucky exclaimed. “Yes, those people matter, but goddamn it y/n, you have helped so many people and you will keep saving so many people, but you can’t do that if you’re dead. We help who we can and mourn the rest. It’s not your fault that those people died. There was nothing that you could have done.”

“But if I had a few more seconds -”

“The building still would have fallen and you’d be asking yourself for a few more seconds. There is nothing you or anyone else could’ve done.”

You stayed silent, more tears falling from your eyes. Bucky pulled you in for a hug as your shoulders started to shake with more sobs. “I know it doesn’t make it hurt any less, but it’s not your fault.”

“I can’t stop seeing the look they had on their faces,” you shook your head. “Everytime I try to sleep I see them and I can’t make it go away. And I want to forget but I don’t deserve to and it hurts but I don’t deserve to forget.”

“I know, I know,” Bucky said, knowing all too well what being haunted by the fear on someone’s face was like. “But it’s not your fault. You didn’t let them die, y/n. You would’ve given anything to save them, if Steve hadn’t pulled you away you would’ve died with them. You didn’t run away even though you knew you would die if you stayed. You do know that right?”

“I don’t care.”

“I don’t think you mean that,” Bucky said softly. You felt new tears fall from your eyes as you hid your face into Bucky’s chest.

“You can’t tell me that nothing could be done. You can’t tell me that innocent people were going to die and that’s the way it has to be. That isn’t fair,” you spoke through your tears.

Bucky pulled back to wipe the tears from your face and look you in the eyes. “They were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and you did everything in your power to save them. It’s not your fault that you got there too late. Those HYDRA agents who destroyed the city - it’s their fault. Not yours.”

“I’m supposed to protect people,” you said as you shrugged and shook your head slightly. “If I can’t do that then what am I?”

“A person who is trying their best. You don’t always have to be everyone’s hero. You don’t have to take responsibility for everyone, that’s too much to expect of anyone. It’s not your responsibility to save everyone because you can’t. But you’ve saved so many people that would’ve died if you weren’t there. You are so important, but you have to stay alive to help more people.”

You took a shaky breath. “Those people were going to die no matter what,” you whispered, more to yourself than to Bucky. Your chest tightened again and you felt sick. “Oh my God,” you said, the acceptance of the fact brought on a new wave of emotions as your knees felt weak.

Bucky pulled you back into his chest again, rubbing a hand up and down your back. “It’s not your fault, y/n.”

“Then why does it hurt so much?” you sobbed against his chest.

“Because you have a good heart.”

You shook your head against his chest. “I don’t want one if it means it’s going to hurt this much.”

“It’s okay, y/n. It’s gonna be okay, I’ve got you.”

“Please make it stop. I don’t want it to hurt anymore.”

Bucky felt tears sting his own eyes at your pain, holding you tighter against him. He cleared his throat before saying “I can’t make it go away. But I’m here to hold you and do everything I can to make it better. I’m not going anywhere y/n.”

He held you against his chest, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “I’m not going anywhere.”

--------

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