#god I hope the show gives us consistency with this poor woman’s last name someday bc I REFUSE to tag her as a Kendall

[1doesnotsimplyhavejust1fandam]

We as a fandom do not talk about Buck’s whole “agonizing over not telling Eddie he’s bisexual” crisis enough. He felt like he was lying to Eddie because he didn’t tell him something new he’d discovered about himself! Tommy dismissing him for not being able to tell Eddie he’s bi yet certainly contributed to Buck’s panic about it, but the whole “lying to my best friend” part came entirely from Buck himself. And he goes to Maddie about his crisis because his big sister has always had good advice for him, and he trusts her with his relationship with Eddie. This tells us two things:

1. For some reason, Buck was worked up about not yet having told Eddie, specifically, that he is bisexual. He goes to Maddie and omits half the truth from her, even though it could help him figure out why he’s so anxious about hiding the truth from Eddie. But he doesn’t panic about his sister either finding out he’s bisexual, or attempting to hide it from her until the pronoun slip. His panic is clearly and explicitly devoted to the thought of lying to his best friend. Not even his sister, who has known and loved him his whole life, was like his mother for much of their childhoods, and was his greatest and sole champion for most of his life, elicits such panic from Buck. He’s nervous about telling Eddie, but everyone else in his life, he comes out to essentially with ease at the Madney wedding.

Now, for some people, this might make it seem like Buck is aware, even subconsciously of his feelings for Eddie, but I’m not sure I agree. And that is because of the second thing:

2. Buck is 100% incapable of not telling Eddie everything about himself and/or his life. Time and again, we have seen Buck using Eddie as a confidant, a safe space, and a comfort for himself when he’s in crisis or feeling particularly reflective. We see this in the og kitchen scene, when Buck, with a rather shaky segue, apologizes again to Eddie for abandoning the Diazes during the lawsuit, in a scene that feels like Buck’s been holding his words in and they’ve suddenly forced their way out to be heard by Eddie. We see it when Buck tells Eddie all about the first dinner with the Buckley parents, notably, the only on-screen conversation Buck has about the dinner and Buck’s feelings about it before the dinner is immediately overshadowed by the Daniel of it all. It’s all directed towards Eddie. And then we got Buck coming over to Eddie’s house after the lightning strike, asking for space from questions and concerns, and then later opening up about how conflicted and confused he feels after dying for three minutes (and seventeen seconds). And yes, even Buck eventually coming out to Eddie, the only scene where Buck is shown to be 100% intentionally coming out (yes, this is me admitting that I’m still iffy on the soot being on purpose or just an accident that Buck was fine with using to come out to everyone else he loves).

All of this to say, Buck cannot be aware or even subconsciously suspicious that he is in love with Eddie. Yet. This is a guy that thought taking his time to come out to his best friend comfortably constitutes as lying. He is honest with Eddie, and he clearly hates hiding things from his best friend because he gets all weird and uncomfortable about it. If Buck knew that he is in love in with Eddie, we, the audience, would know too. And that’s including the general audience. This isn’t a case where Buck could admit it to someone else and feel a little better that it’s out there, even though Eddie still doesn’t know. This is a man who is incapable of lying to his best friend, or keeping a secret from him. Not only is he incapable of it, he hates it! He doesn’t care about over sharing, he is just desperate for Eddie Diaz to know every part of him and love him anyway.

All I can say to that is, if we see a Buck love realization first, we’d better hope Eddie gets knocked into shape very soon after, or we’re in for a very angsty arc where Buck is “rejected” until Eddie realizes his own feelings. It won’t be a sweet and goofy sequence of Buck avoiding Eddie for a few days once he’s realized, and then telling Eddie magically makes Eddie realize that he feels the same in that very moment. It’ll be Buck accidentally running into Eddie the moment he walks into work the morning after he figures out his feelings, and immediately spilling his love out on the operations floor in front of Eddie and the entire team if he has to. Some sort of gentle rejection on Eddie’s part, and then the boys both shutting down instantly. Then multiple scenes of Buck believing he’s destroyed everything, while Eddie speed runs his gay crisis straight (heh) into a love realization regarding his best friend that he just rejected not three days ago.

So. Do we want the angsty “rejection” route? Or do we want an Eddie realization first, which would contain no less screaming, crying, and throwing up by Eddie, but would spare us the secondhand embarrassment of a Buck so in love that he simply can’t lie to the man he loves’ face for more than a second. Since it would be incredibly cheesy and adorable for their love realizations to happen at the same time, and for them to be ready to admit their feelings in the same scene/episode, I don’t think that’s what’s going to happen. It’s 9-1-1. If there is angst and pain to be had, before leading to a beautiful, fulfilling love, then they’ll be going that route over the simultaneous love confessions.