#i live for the best something of hell
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this post is dedicated to @panzershrike-pretz
...pootowo? 🥺👉👈
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the pressure fandom right now
#pressure#roblox pressure#pressure roblox#pressure game#pressure sebastian#sebastian pressure#sebastian solace#sebastian roblox#Like bro I have never felt this much “pressure”🤪 with fandom drama before like#like holy hell#I just feel mixed feelings about this entire situation#Like one second I see someone talking shit about the dev team and the fandom while trying to Spread a false Narrative#About zerum and then I see someone defending the dev team and the fandom#Or seeing people deconstruct this entire Situation and just boil it done to people being childish about someone else's character and#Boundaries or I'm seeing horror stories about zerum and zeal and other dev members getting doxxed and harassed#And then I'm seeing people getting pissy about the whole thing because of shipping drama or I'm seeing people calling zeal out for#ableism or something else entirely#Like I get where people are coming from with this#This isn't the only time people got mad at a character for put boundaries on their character#And I know it would be the last time unfortunately#I'm not trying to defend zeal or zerum nor am I trying to get people to hurt them#I just feel awful about this whole thing and it's just a reminder to stick to smaller fandoms where people are less vocal ig#ok i'm done yapping#Selfshippers live your best life#And I hope the rest of the dev team recovers from this and try to learn how to be more Professional#Once again#I'm not trying to defend anyone I'm just confused and scared of this whole thing#I just wanted to make silly crossover art with sebastian and not have the fear of someone coming into my inbox or dms with my full name#For once :(#thank you for coming to my semi vent ted talk about the current pressure fandom issue
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kamiki
#hikaru kamiki#oshi no ko#oshi no ko spoilers#doodle#he actually looks a bit different from aqua..#spoilers#he must be feeling terrible rn.. will that give him the push to do something even more extreme? we don't know yet#being dead's probably going to feel happier for him. living's been hell for the guy#will he be helped.. CAN he be helped? Ai wanted it.. I'm not sure how it's going to happen but?? I want the best for Ai
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Hey. Sorry about the inactivity, but pretty sure no one cared that much anyways lol. Been a looooong time since I kept that distant from Tumblr…at least now I know I’m able to survive without checking posts every day/being chronically online! I’ve got an intense love-hate relationship with this lifestyle I’ve dug myself into. Think I’m getting a little bit better with the balance even if school isn’t really giving me an option. Got a load of work I need to keep catching up on if I don’t want to disappoint my professors. We’ll survive somehow. Here take a quick batch of Puzzle doodles k bye
#the hell am I so anxious about? maybe it’s just overstimulation stuff#hoping it’ll die down because I can’t keep enjoying myself when I’m like this#seriously is starting to mess with my flight responses over the tiniest things#like yea obviously I needed to stay logged out of Tumblr so I would focus more on schoolwork#but uhhhh gonna be transparent and say a huge part of it is the jolts of anxiety :(#like even the thought of logging back here has caused me to feel like sweating#my brain kept saying ‘no I don’t want to I can’t do that’ even when I felt bad for missing out on others posts#like I want to be here so I can support my mutuals dammit!!!#I’m a mess. I’m such a broken mess oh great lovely spectacular#maybe the culminating stress of final exam deadlines is worsening stuff as well#I can’t tell you why I’m like this I just am 🙃#anyways thinking I’ll start adapting to the distance. Sorry but being a shut-in is more appealing right now#I just need time to be with myself and not be so invested in the lives of others#anyways what’s something mildly positive I can wrap this up with so I don’t seem pathetic….#ah yes the final Puzzle sketch here was drawn today before a class period#one of my fellow classmates noticed and audibly asked me ‘is that Mr. Puzzles?’#IT TOOK EVERTHING IN MY WILLPOWER TO NOT LET OUT A GIDDY SHRIEK#Felt like my eyes bulged and I jolted in enthusiasm jskjsksp spontaneous happiness?? actally experiencing the feeling of fitting in??#anyways I responded with a very normal ‘WAIT YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM???’ while trying to suppress grinning or going ‘teehee’#anyways now it’s my personal mission to keep initiating conversations with her because AUUUUUGH SHE KNOWS WHO HE IS I’M LOSING IT#proceeded to talk about Murder Drones & TADC like holy SHIT I didn’t think I would ever find animation peeps in my psychology class auuu 😭💜#it’s a MIRACLE man this may be a sign that college won’t be isolating anymore yaaaaayyy#PUZZLE IS SINGLE HANDILY HELPING ME TALK TO PEOPLE BOTH ONLINE AND IRL THIS IS WILD#all hail the best comfort character seriously holy shit—like imagine she never noticed me drawing Puzzles!! I’D STILL BE LONELY AS HELL#okay sorry I’ll stop typing like a teenager and go back to pretending to be well-versed in speech & conducting myself ‘normally’ :3#doodles#sketches#hplonesome art#not tagging with Puzzles because hahaaaaa don’t look at me
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it’s 5:20am i cannot sleep i am consumed with thoughts and yearning for keigo takami i need to be euthanized
#literally these days all i do is Lay Awake and Wither Away#the nightmares have been exponentially worse lately#fun fact ur local fanfic author has Problems.#idk man there’s just something haunting about having reoccurring nightmares about your ex and every time u close ur eyes it’s throwing u#right back into the pit of hell that was that relationship#it’s fine it’s fine it’s fine i just no Longer Trust People#anyways this is a vent post and it is so cringe and lame#i just have never Hated an ex before so there’s a lot i’m coming to terms with especially considering how Fake he is#idek man IDEK!!!!!1!!1!1!#i rlly sacrificed so much to love and live with him and he said ‘mmmmmm now i have u in my grip’#whatever it’s fine he’s stinky and honestly the fact honey (the blog intern and my cat) doesn’t miss him AT ALL says so much#seriously she is so nonplussed by his absence it’s wild#eating fine sleeping fine shitting fine#SAYS A LOT. SAAAAYS A LOT. whatever whatever whatever#i would hit that emotionally immature man with my car if given the chance and yknow what. nick if ur reading this you’re one of the#most.#emotionally immature people ive ever had the misfortune of knowing.#what a shame you lost me#the best thing and healthiest thing that ever happened to you#because of your own actions and your own inability to take accountability for your mental health and actions#tell your mom i say hi#and tell your exes im sorry i ever doubted any of them x_x#WEEEEE what a vent#listen to big sister birbs when she says don’t date men who have something horrific to say about each of their exes
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Not that I needed a NEW project to work on but... Here's my Underfell take. Let's see where this goes.
#look I'm burnt out on Angel's and I need a small break from FR as I rear up for the side story game. i made the main assets for it and the#story is mostly planned out and ready to be written#i want to do some concept stuff and i only have one life to live and I'm going to do what makes me happy!!!!#underfell#undertale#also i'm being vauge to what kinda game this will be. might be just a visual novel like New Royals! Maybe its a playable game!#we'll find out someday. rn i'm just getting the core concepts down#i actually have been thinking about this for a while but something clicked in my head and now I'm determined to make this thing#so ike. backstory time. i worked on a big project with a friend but that project had history unrelated to me#that it was best for that project to be cancelled and I'm glad it did#BUT i did a lot of cool writing for that AU and I want to use those ideas#so i realized itd be cool as hell to make it a part of my underfell take
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Golden - Blu
girl, you are golden. warmth and positivity and laughter that itself is a kind of music, just as much as the songs you love and share and make art for. its the type of gold you feel on a late summer day, echoing up from the passenger seat of a convertible as you drive with your friend across a rolling field of wheat, of corn, of wildflowers. there's soda in the cupholders, and the carbonation matches the bubbles springing from the bottom of your lungs. sunny, summery, golden ☀️
Happiest of birthdays to my love, @xxluckystrike!!
Blu, you are such an incredible human being, I love you and your energy so much!! Your brain comes up with the most beautiful and wonderful things, and I am just so obsessed with all that you do. Thank you for being such a golden (heh) spot in this fandom and in my life!! ✨
(btw the song i listened to while working on this: gold dust woman - fleetwood mac)
photo sources: x x x x x x x x x
#happy birthday blu!!!#i am!! so glad you exist in my life my dear!!#thank you for being such a positive and amazing human#love you lots my dear#i hope you like the vibes!!!#i live for the best something of hell#em's moodboards
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Oh ok. I get now why a lot of people didn't vibe with the ending.
All and all: excellent manga, overall very good final act, too rushed final 2-3 chapters but weak and honestly mediocre epilogue, which makes the high of the ending kind of leave a bitter taste. I think Noda had a good steed and suddenly he had to finish and had to rush all. So the ending in the sense of the final arc was good but the ending proper (final couple chapters) + epilogue......... Not so much
#i liked rhe ending (though made the mistake to read comments so now I'm like 'yeah you are right that did not make sense' when on my own i#probably would not have noticed. but ok. I'll work my suspension of disbelief. HOWEVER the epilogue WAS indeed very lackluster#i get it's an epilogue but it was so rushed. we barely get a closure for ume and saichi and tanigaki did not get to#take asirpa back to uci as he should have (though he was instrumental for that). overall it was super rushed#like we did not even see how Sugimoto was rescued. the epilogue was faaaar too rushed tbh and also too vague in parts#siraishi not really saying goodbye.... also sugimoto and asirpa living together that's cute idc and i think the line into nastyness was not#crossed but oh boy is it a thin thread... i still choose to believe they are platonic soulmates lol but i want to see an official#translation of the volume that's all i say. what else... oh yes. the way the gold never got to actually be distributed doesn't sit right#with me at all but the worst part was definitely the sugimoto/ume thing oh god that was BAD#we did get to see osoma which was cute#OH AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON VASILY??? We didn't even see him. the epoligue for him in particular was great though but his ending was not#like he just hanged around ogata gor chapters and chapters on end and we don't even get a glimpse of him during the final showdown??#tbh i think noda wanted to do something more with him but realized he did not quite fit into the story and in the end got#caught up with all the main lines he did have to close and he obviously had planned and probably combined with his own exhaustion well#did not go nice for vasily! i also would have liked a more proper epilogue for tsukishima and koito. they deserved it#I don't like how pre-epilogue the tsukishima-tsurumi-koito tension seems to reach a breaking point only to kind of not get resolved because#they have to keep fighting lol.#laura reads#also i get the sentiment of the ending regarding the ainu and i think noda did his best but it seems like a rather soft thing for asirpa to#do like... sure. museums and stuff. i GET it but it goes a little too soft in the actual colonialism that went on from the japanese. i feel#noda starts off fairly critical of that but in the end softens his stance which is a shame but ok. the bar is in hell so this is actually#much better than average from what i can personally gather of my little knowledge#golden kamuy#gk spoilers
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Play 13 Sentinels I am no longer asking
#13sar#13 sentinels#Some maybe implied spoilers in tags#I am not okay in any way I love this game so excessively much#I'd need like a 500 slide powerpoint precentation but tldr#Hijiyama's route is my favourite and also Insanely good#Gouto's route is incredibly good and an unexpected favourite I didn't expect that to be as good as it was#They really saved the absolute best for last#I have beefed so much with how late Hiji's route is forced because I loved it from the prologue but I 100% understand and I am 100% okay#with it cause every single time I've been forced to wait for it it was so fucking worth it#Girlies after they finish Live to Protect and ESPECIALLY girlies after they finish Hiji's last event whose name escapes me now#But holy shit dude Hiji's route is excellent I can rant about it for hours#It's enjoyable as hell it's got Excellent plot reveals it hits EVERY emotional beat it pulls#Like she has it all#Not to say that the other routes don't they're all excellent Hiji's just my favourite out of the bunch and succeeds in All aspects#Whereas some routes like Yuki's I feel are Completely carried by how enjoyable Yuki herself is#While not succeeding as much in say the plot department#Which isn't a Problem but it's just something which makes me prefer routes over each other when some can hit Everything it tries while#others might neglect certain aspects in favour of others which doesn't make it Worse but makes it less complete as such
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i’m predicting lucanis/magpie/neve is going to own me but we’ll see
#i think she’s going to make both of their lives hell. which is the best dynamic#i think taash and davrin both have a good chance too#i’m just imagining like. a reckless crow with a bit more moral code than a crow should strictly have is going to be like#something that drives neve and lucanis fucking crazy.#magpie is someone who is very good at what she does (murder) but not good at. like.#following a plan.#thinking ahead.#considering their options.#the targets WILL get dead but they will not get dead the way they were maybe supposed to.#漫言#oc. magpie
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screaming into the void <3
#my best friends boyfriend (who i’ve also been friends with for years) is just. not himself rn#we think it’s a manic episode but we don’t really know but it’s. terrifying lowkey#he thinks he’s genuinely jesus and that he’s conquered time and that he and my bsf are adam and eve#he’s been sending my bsf liek hundreds of texts per day since tuesday but it got really really bad and incoherent yesterday#and i woke up this morning to see multiple texts from gcs he created w me in them#and he keeps being like ‘because it’s 6:20 this is true’ and like ‘i know that at 9 pm everyone is gonna understand’#and he’ll text like 5 times then send a sc of what he just texted like that proves something but it’s all nonsense#i’m just really really concerned cause he really needs help but i don’t know how to ensure that happens cause he’s 19. not a minor#he’s just. not him rn. he’s called my bsf multiple times yesterday when he HATES calling normally#he had his band and his mom over in his apartment yesterday cause my bsf called his mom and h went to his bands show but was visibly not ok#and he saw nothing weird about it even tho he hates having ppl over normally and never without warning#and you can’t get him to see logic because everything you say he just twists around to work for him#to be clear it was not this bad when it started. when it started it seemed like normally maybe slightly out there conclusions he was drawing#but it just got worse and worse like exponential decay and really bad yesterday#he also didn’t sleep at all yesterday night and idk if he slept tonight#i know his mom took his phone at one point but he texted me and gcs w me in it starting at like 6:20 this morning#and my bsf and i and friends are on a trip out of state rn but we’re leaving today and i don’t wanna wake her up until i have to because#this is literally hell for her. but it’s just. scary. i don’t know what to do. i don’t think there’s any good options really for me rn#i want to warn ppl and try to explain he’s Not Him rn so they don’t get concerned but who knows if they’ll understand what i’m trying to say#i know it’s not the end of the world but it really feels like the end of my world as i know it if that makes sense#and my bsf lives with him in an apartment near their college and they just signed the lease for the next year#but she can’t stay there with him alone. not until he gets help. we’re all too scared it’s going in the directon where he thinks it’s better#for ppl to go to the afterlife. which like he never would normally. but he’s Not Him and so like. who knows#he keeps talking about all these different dimensions and how you need to travel to the 7th dimension to understand#my bsf was crying yesterday and she called her mom to explain and she keeps saying that she just wants her jake back it’s really scary#cause he will probably never be the same again. he’ll be similar but different but she wants his comfort but he’s Not Him. and can’t give it#i just. really want this to get better but it’s so hard to see that happening rn
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honestly if you live in a blue state and can afford a decent home and all your meds/food/utilities i want to hear NOTHING in regards to us in red states
i live in greg abbott's red texas. you know, the largest state that borders the most vilified neighboring country and receives the majority of latino immigrants + has a huge black population + a lot of arab and asian immigrants
i will not tolerate blame put on the people in red states who are constantly harassed and belittled because of their race, origin, religion, gender, and economic status
you want someone to blame? blame your party who did nothing to get people out of poverty, did nothing in response to police violence and killings, did nothing for palestine/lebanon, did nothing in response to abbott and desantis' vitriolic anti-latino racism and policies
democrats did what they do best, follow the right-leaning trend and lose to republicans
#literally there are more and more homeless people everytime i go into the city#doesnt matter which city#we have homeless people here in my town which is a hell to travel on foot because we literally have a highway cutting through everything#there are no sidewalks and barely any places for camping that arent private property#majority of people i check out at work use ebt cards for food#and even then its mostly white people that have access to those government funds#most of the latinas that i check out are vigilant in their coupons just to make sure they can afford necessities for their homes#using money that their husbands are breaking their backs for because its the only job available to them#shits been getting worse and worse here no matter who was president#and it will continue to get worse#people are already dying it will be an epidemic#and im trying my best to better my family's situation so i can be quicker in helping my neighbors#but even then i fell like itll be too late by the time it comes down to that#just#do more#be a good person to everyone regardless of if they share your political views#cus ill tell you something when people are in survival mode and wanting to claw themselves out they will find any justification for bigotry#they will find someone to blame for their circumstance because its not normal to live like this#some blame the government and some blame immigrants#feed them and show them that people are not their enemy its the fucking rich assholes in government keeping them at the bottom#so that rich assholes stay on top no matter what happens to the world around them#the entire world could be burning and they still will be wasting money because its nothing to them
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"I know why you want to return to our world, Meggie! You just miss your boyfriend! But we haven't seen everything of this beautiful world yet!" Mr Mortimer sir your wife was enslaved for working as a scribe disguised as a man. In this world women are punished for learning their fathers' craft and your thirteen years old daughter would be already married if she was born in this world. I know the books are very pretty but Mo your wife is pregnant. I don't think they have c-sections here :(
#liveshrimping#I've been thinking about like. hypothetically of course I'm not going to write that but I've been thinking about a kpop fangirl#writing her self-insert RPF and reading herself into it#becoming a cleaning lady or a make-up artist for her favourite group and getting involved in a fiery romance with her fave#and then seeing all sorts of Consequences. getting found out + her boy's reputation fucking down the stairs + she's a teenager and#aside from being a MUA/cleaning lady she doesn't have any other skills that could guarantee her a good living and because of the stress#she can't write anything to make the situation better... eventually she starts to wonder if it wouldn't be better to go back to her world#but 1. the time still passes. it's been months since she disappeared from her world. she doesn't want to deal with all that#but 2. she misses her family and friends and her nice and familiar life. but 3. if she goes back she will not be loved by her bias anymore#she will return to being someone he doesn't know. doesn't even know she exists. she can't afford fanmeetings so her best hope for#being noticed by him is to send many messages during his lives so that he at least sees her username in the rapidly moving live chat#AND SO ON. i have no idea how something like that would've even ended. she would have to essentially write all that happened out of#existence. 'and then X woke up and it was all just a dream. a dream that he was already forgetting but for some reason it left him with a#faint distaste for romantic relationships'#BUT SHE REMEMBERS WHAT HIS LIPS TASTED LIKE. SHE REMEMBERS HOW HAPPY SHE FELT IN HIS ARMS.#&c.‚ &c.#this stupid little thing changed not only her -- it gave her a nice phobia of romantic relationships because her first only and most intens#relationship pretty much ruined a guy's career and life -- but also her boyfriend in that other world probably. hell can she even look at#her albums and enjoy the music now that she's back? but this group was like 75% of her mental stability.#AND ALSO: now she feels like she must fix things somehow. apologize to X for ruining his life in this other world he doesn't know#so what if she writes about their albums breaking records of sales. so what if she writes about fashion designers and musicians becoming#obsessed with the group's members and wanting to collab with them -- it's just a little bit more of fame and money. they deserve that!#what can go wrong.
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if you dont vote for biden you're a dumbass who only cares about their image. swallow your shit pride and vote you utter fucking dipshit.
#how can you not understand how fucking important it is to vote for him in this fucking election? how fucking dumb do you have to be?#the revolution isnt coming and even if it did we would all die- you dont have enough tactical gear- we dont have a militarized left army.#trump Will fucking kill you. apparently that doesnt matter to you- & throwing away lives of other minorities is more important to you#when you're busy being a performative piece of shit.#dawg I would LOVE if we were voting for bernie. but thats not the fucking situation here. its either biden or a dictatorship we all die#under. life isnt always fucking fair. you'd think by now yall would've realized this but ig fucking not.#whats better- living with your conservative dad who physically abuses you. threatens you. doesnt recognize you for who you are.#bullies you. and all around hates you unless you be exactly the way he wants-#or your liberal mom who maybe isnt the best at what she's doing but at least shes not gonna fucking abuse you to THAT fucking magnitude#or- you can go end up on the fucking streets and struggle like hell and likely die. you choose dipshit. not voting is going to the streets.#ig you just want life to be harder for you unnecessarily bc idk. its fun or something or you're bored- but you dont realize that as#soon as you get out there-- you're fucked. you've romanticized being homeless too much bc you're jaded against your parents#and too blinded by being jaded that you cant fathom the reality of what it'd be like w/o at least one of them.#personally- I'm going with the lib parent. idgaf if shes imperfect. at least I wont die or be abused to shit and back.
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i feel a heavy pressure like someone is sitting on my chest making it so i can’t breathe whenever i think about how every single structure in society and social conditioning makes it so that women have no choice but to inevitably end up with a male and it is pushed so hard as the only possible viable option and it feels choking and inescapable (personal rambling vent in tags)
#even if we supposedly have more options now than ever before it still isn’t enough#it’s still a fight and a struggle to avoid#and i look around and almost every woman i know is shacked up with some dude in one form or another just to survive#even if she doesn’t like it or even actively hates it#like my mom#but she brainwashes herself to try to convince herself that she’s ok with it#it’s all so bleak#i know there is hope#and i’m currently biding my time until i can get out on my own and try to practice more female separatism type living styles etc#but it’s difficult and lonely especially when it feels like you’re the only woman you know trying to go for something like that#hell even my childhood best friend who i love dearly and she is very into women and does things with them regularly#even she is shacked up with some dude and it’s just like god that sucks but i don’t want to be a hater#and maybe i’m a hypocrite because i was with some guy for so long but i realized that it SUCKS and i didn’t have to be forced to stay there#and i left#but even that was tough! when it’s been drilled into my head my whole life that that is the only way i can be or do anything or exist!#i want to get out on my own do my own thing do this medical job get this degree go to med school do do my own thing#keep my name never give birth never get married unless it’s to a woman#i promised myself i would never get in a relationship with a man ever again and i am sticking to it 100% even if i have to fight these dudes#i work with to fuck off#it’s all just so tiring#but i’m getting there#i don’t care how nice or perfect supposedly some guy is because at the end of the day he’s still a guy#and i refuse to deal with that shit anymore or ever again#i should have never dealt with it in the first place but at least i know better now and i’ve learned and i know i’ll never go back#i want to read my books more often#and do more creative things#i’ve just felt very depressed and unmotivated because i feel like my life isn’t where it should be right now#but i went to the therapist today and she said i’m actually making a lot of progress and i shouldn’t compare myself to other people#which it’s very difficult not to but yeah#idk i’m still trying to get my shit together but so is everybody else
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did you get banished from bluesky? i was wondering why my timeline was so empty 😭
oh no i’m having like an EPIC mental breakdown and deactivated LMFAO i miss yall so bad but im so all over the place rn that i needed to take a step back. i’ll be back soon i promise i am just trying to deal w mental illness on top of my body actively shutting down lol
#somehow multiple severe personality disorders and pure autonomic failure do NOT go hand in hand#i rlly do miss my bloomfies so fucking bad but i’m just gonna be negative as hell and have no filter rn and yall do Not need my bs#mainly bc i rlly fucking love the lil community i’ve found myself a part of and don’t want to ruin that with having a Moment#most of yall haven’t known me for that long so jsyk december is the hardest time of year for me bc a million traumaversaries#so i kind of lose the plot a little#on top of that something happened at TIT that really shook me and i’m recovering from that still#i don’t know how long that will take tbh or if i’ll ever be in the phandom the way i was BUT i miss my oomfs so ill be back asap#as soon as i can trust myself to not have a full bipolar+bpd combo freakout at nothing i shall engage w socials purely again#until then i listen to hypnotic spells on repeat and live on ao3#hopefully the new year brings better shit than december did x#sorry for any confusion ily guys i am just. not coping . the whole dying thing + What Happened kind of pushed me over the edge#i am managing as best i can i just don’t wanna put that on yall
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