#they will find someone to blame for their circumstance because its not normal to live like this

[bikiniarmorbattledamage]

Pornography Addiction

Recently our post on the behavour of Capital-G Gamers, and the problems in the industry that feed into it, attracted a lot of comments advising not to use "porn addict". Some claiming the term was invented by right-wing Christian groups.

It is certainly true that there are various right-wing and/or Christian groups do claim pornography addiction as a reason to revoke basic human rights, further marginalize sex workers, and justify violence against sex workers... that doesn't mean they invented it.

Like most things the radical right relies upon, they co-opted it from a group they have contempt for. Nazis co-opted the Swastika from Buddhism, shitty men on Reddit co-opted involuntary celibacy terminology from a bisexual woman, right-wing pseudo-academics tried to co-opt diversity with their "diversity of thought" campaign... and hateful Christian groups are trying to co-opt expertise on behavioural addictions (sex, gambling, shopping, pornography, etc as opposed to substance addtions) from psychology.

It's worth examining how this is working with pornography and the ways it ties in with the various fashy parties determined to rule the world we all live in.

Actual Pornography Addiction

Actual pornography addiction has its roots in similar addictions such as gambling - it is a situation where the individual becomes obsessed with it as a source of positive feelings, to the detriment of themselves and those around them.

Symptoms of it include a full blown obsession, a loss of interest in other enjoyable activities, spending money needed for essentials on the focus of the addiction, engaging it under risk circumstances (such as while at a job that you really need to keep), suffering anxiety and frustration when unable to indulge, etc.

Importantly, with these kinds of addictions, they are often not really about what what they appear to be. People get addicted sometimes because it's a reliable source of dopamine hits, or because it provides an escape from harsh realities around them, etc. Taking the focus of the addiction away does not fix the underlying cause, and often leads to them finding a substitute addiction.

So, if you say... for the sake of argument, you have a group of people who actively identify as "gooners", remember a porn parody of Lola Bunny as the "real" design, obsess over a single game because it has some sexy skins, make 9/11 jokes and riot when a quality of life feature prevents them from looking up video game girl skirts, and all the points in the original post (including want to fap to a character who is defined by how she's been abused by men)... it's not unreasonable to point out they do seem to be advertising to the world that they are current or aspiring pornography addicts. Particularly since their outrage is rarely about what they actually claim it is about.

How much it applies to any given member of that community is impossible to say, as the whole group is irony poisoned and also obsessed with performative behaviour.

And as a side note, if someone dear to you has similar behavior, whether its in relation to porn, sex, gambling, video games, or anything else - then it is generally considered the compassionte thing to try to get them to realize it and work towards addressing both the addiction and any underlying causes in their life.

Right-wing "Pornography Addiction"

When people who have nothing but contempt for psychology and sex therapists say "porn addiction" or "sex addiction" they are villifying sex workers and objectified persons, blaming them for the violence done against them and completely unrelated ills in society.

They consider it "addiction" if you develop a crush on someone other than your spouse, have normal sexual fantasies, occasionally want to enjoy pornography, are curious about visiting a strip bar or even just masturbate... under any circumstances.

They are closer to anti-pornography than concerned for addiction, and has a long, long history. I would hope BABD followers would be aware we are definitely not anti-porn and we actively support sex workers.

Obviously, the real goal is to give them more control and more avenues to suppress people. This is clearly illustrated in the ways Project 2025 both wants to outlaw pornography and define "transgender ideology" as pornograpy. You can see between the lines, the goal isn't to make people better, the goal is to criminalize the existence of people they look down on.

Also, the solutions they propose clearly don't help anyone and they know that - South Korea has strict anti-porn laws, and the "gooner" community mistake it for a porny wonderland. Again, they don't want to help anyone, they just want to hurt people they do not like.

The harm of co-opting

At face value, it's easy to see why the proposed solution to this is just to say it's not real, it's right-wing nonsense, etc.

But that creates two problems. First it means there's people with a problem that is being denied, and secondly it kind of ignores the real overall goals by missing the forest for the trees.

People whose lives are harmed by behavioural addiction need a framework to be able to address it, and need other people to take it seriously and not just dismiss it as "made up". This applies to gambling, shopping, gaming and pornography.

Think about it, when was the last time you saw a swastika on display as a symbol of positivity? Think "incel" is ever coming back to the LGBTQ people who struggle to find people accepting of them?

Secondly, the reactionaries co-opting it are not "making up" a boogieman. They're not that imaginative and they're much, much more dishonest and malicious.

They're actively spreading misinformation in an attempt to gain for authoritarian power to use to harm people. They're actively trying to undermine the work people have done to help people, stripping the actual research away and placing themselves as the authority on a topic of public wellbeing that they see only as a cudgel.

Because they won't stop at just claiming to be the experts on pornography addiction, they'll claim to be the experts on gambling, drugs, alcohol, gaming, shopping, etc. All their advice will be what's convenient for them, and their friends.

Same way all kinds of psychological concepts get co-opted into torturing people under the claim of conversion therapy (which does not and has never worked, in any capacity), often in the name of profit as well as oppression.

So my recommendation is be less concerned about the term appearing, and more concerned about whether it is in the context of warning people their obsession is harmful - or just trying to trick people into agreeing to authoritarian control.

-wincenworks

[peculiaroddity1]

WTF is the point of redemption in Hazbin Hotel???

I was sitting around thinking about HH, as you do when you have an all-consuming hyperfixation that squeezes its way into every minute of your existence, and I thought of a major plot hole that I haven't seen anyone else question yet.

Yes, I know Hazbin Hotel is known online as the show with a multitude of stupid plot holes and writing blunders already, BUT THIS IS PARTICULARLY EGREGIOUS FOR ME EVEN AS A FAN BECAUSE IT SURROUNDS THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF THE SHOW ITSELF.

Why does Charlie want to redeem sinners? What will sinners find in Heaven that can't be implemented into daily life in Hell? Why would sinners want redemption? Why are we as an audience supposed to be rooting for these characters to end up in heaven?

You might be about to scroll or reblog with some nasty comment in the tags because the obvious answer is DUH, THEY WANT TO ESCAPE EXTERMINATION. THE ANGELS FUCKING KILL THEM EVERY YEAR, DUMBASS.

But hear me out, okay?

In hell, sinners aren't facing eternal punishment enforced by any kind of governing higher power, as is typically depicted in religious texts. Hell is basically just earth minus all order. Chaos only reigns supreme because of internal fighting amongst sinners that isn't regulated at all.

The only two things I observed to be different between life in Heaven and Hell are soul contracts and general atmosphere. And firstly, not to victim-blame, but selling your soul is something you do willingly in Hell. Maybe you were manipulated into it or something because of poor circumstances, but everyone who is owned and controlled is living that way because they signed their name on the contract.

So, hypothetically, a sinner who minds their own business could potentially live a normal (probably short due to exterminations) afterlife. Maybe even a happy one? if they're carefree enough.

We see this displayed in Mimzy and Cheri Bomb clearly.

Mimzy enjoys her life in hell, as pointed out by Alastor. Cheri Bomb too. She seems happy to go clubbing and sin all night long without any consequences.

So again I ask, what's the point of seeking redemption in Hazbin Hotel? What sins are they repenting for that are so awful that it degrades their quality of life?

Charlie thinks that redeeming sinners in the Hotel will solve Hell's overpopulation issue, but in reality, what she really has an issue with is the exterminations because they're the only form of "punishment" her people are facing at all.

The only thing making Hell bad is the sinners being cunts to each other and angels controlling overpopulation. The only thing making Heaven better is the angels being kind to each other.

In fact, Heaven may accidentally be making life in Hell better for sinners by controlling overpopulation. We're told that they're afraid of an uprising occurring, but if we ignore that fact, fewer people in hell = more quality afterlives for those who survive simply because killing sinners = fewer people who are evil.

All this to say, is getting into heaven even necessary? On earth, if someone commits a crime, typically law enforcement catches them and punishes them, therefore at least attempting to make life peaceful for the average citizen.

Would hell be a more peaceful/habitable place if the pride ring implemented law enforcement?

Well...no. Because of this:

Charlie's REAL philosophy is

Hell = Bad because Sinners = Bad because they sin.

Heaven = Good because Angels = Good because they don't sin.

Heaven doesn't need law enforcement, because angels are perfect and never do wrong!

Hell doesn't have law enforcement because everyone is bad, and therefore the effort would be useless. Police officers or whoever they find to work these jobs would be just as evil as everyone else, and chaos would continue.

This is what the show is really saying. Charlie even reinforces this for some reason. Even after Adam rejects her, she wants to go to heaven to try and convince angels to stop exterminations because she feels they have good in their hearts. She believes this even though every angel she's ever met so far has been an asshole to her.

The only sinners that are in her hotel are trying to be redeemed because they want to escape the contracts their souls are in. They don't want to go to Heaven. Not really. They are just searching for a place they won't be taken advantage of. This makes Charlie's actions more manipulative than well-meaning in my eyes. She's falsely associating adopting her idea of becoming "good" with escaping to heaven and therefore escaping the contracts they signed.

But in reality, the only thing Heaven has is cleaner streets, bright colors, and a government that keeps secrets from its people.

Sir Pentious joins the hotel even though his soul isn't owned just because he's an outcast everywhere else. Charlie then manipulates him into thinking Heaven is his final goal, just like the rest of the sinners in her hotel.

In reality, everyone's goal is to escape being killed and/or abused. That isn't guaranteed in hell, though. And if it is, it's only because there's nothing stopping it from being that way.

Basically, as a summary, for a show trying to be about morally grey, complex characters and redemption, the rules of this universe and the ideals of our main character are very black and white.

Heaven is a good place because good people are there.

Hell is a bad place because bad people are there.

If you are good, you go to heaven. If you are bad, you go to hell. The show practically beats this point into us at the end of the finale when Pentious, a character we're supposed to see as good, ends up in Heaven.

If it were up to me, Pentious would NOT be happy in heaven. His love, friends, inventions, and egg bois are back in Hell. He would be living peacefully if he didn't try and fight people all the time.

DOES THIS MAKE SENSE? PLEASE TELL ME YOU SEE THE POINT I'M TRYING TO MAKE...

The moral the show is trying to give us is contradicted at every point BY COMPLETE ACCIDENT.

[mehiwilldoitlater]

Since day one in Aaru village, your life has become... less difficult, to say the least. Since that fateful night where Candace had brought you under her care, the elders of the village became aware that your presence could have brought problems and that the other archons would clam up your head and the lives of the villagers as punishment for the crime of hiding the "imposter". But Candace was adamant about the matter: you were nothing but a victim of some circumstances, and the village would have not turned its head to the other side on a travaller in need of help.

Dehya, besides being one of the few who wanted you far away from there, decided to follow Candace in her judgment. Not because she feared that glim of protectiveness that she showed to you, but because, after all, there was truth in her words. You were fragile, a flower that was supposed to burn under the scorching sun.

She never understood the protector, and then something changed.

Maybe it was that, despite what others from other nations said, you never actually claimed to be the Creator or something. Y/n, such a simple name—so human. Why would someone who could easily make people believe that they are indeed the creator, the allmighty, the one who rules their world just go around without even thinking about that possibility?

Maybe it was that gleam in your eyes? The one that wandered over the desert, seeing it as a place full of wonders and adventure, but still respected it, not taking it as a mere desolated pile of sand?

Maybe it was the fact that, every day, you greeted Candace with a smile that could even compare to the sun while trying to sound nice even to her, despite how harshly you were with her at the beginning? Maybe it was your laugh while plaing with the children, taking care of them, helping people around...

Maybe it was something around each of these suggestions, but she could even understand that questioning gaze when she politely asked you to just sit on a cushion with a brush in her hand.

"...W-why..."

"Well, firstly, because I noticed that your ingested harm can't even take care of your basic needs...and because I thought it could be a nice gesture..."

She felt waves of embarrassment clashing with her. It was a stupid idea, but she honestly thought that could ease your mind! She likes taking care of her own hair; it makes her head less heavy!

"I-I...forget it, it was a stupid i-"

"NO! No, no, it's not... I would love to, really!"

There was a slight chance that, maybe, that was more an act of politeness than the actual desire to spend some quality time with her, but it was something, right?

You never thought that Dehya was harsh or aggressive. Well, she was in battle with her enemies, but she was usually protective of the people for whom she genuinely cared. Her hand massaged calmly on your scal, the brush caressed gently on your length, and her nails were so gentle on our skin. It was relaxing. I remember a nice moment when someone who cared for you treated you this way. You could swear that you heard Dehya humming something behind her sealed lips.

"You right, it feels nice."

"It does? I'm glad then, but don't think I'll do this often; I'm still needed around here, you know"?"

"Y-yeah..."

Another thing came to our minds. It was more of a question that, in the end, was a normal thought that wanted to come out of your mind. Your finger is scratching the skin of your opposites, catching a Dehya face connected to some small knots in your hair.

"You're not forced to be nice to me."

She stopped all of a sudden. A strange questioning look on her face was facing your own.

"I know that I can be troubled. That's why Candace is working to find me a new home! I just thought that if you want to avoid me, I'm not blaming you!"

"Cut it."

It was more of a growl than a request. Her eyes turned a fierce one, yet she remained composed on her seat, reaching with her free hand for our arm.

"If I hadn't wanted to be here, then you wouldn't have seen me at all. I'm not nice with you by force; I'm nice because I want to."

Her grip wasn't painful at all; it felt comforting, but not as much as her words. Then a small blush appeared on her cheekbone, and she started to scrawl with her other hand, the brush still in her hand.

"You have it hard. I must say you are pretty much stronger than you believe. I never met someone who could be this nice after all the hell they've been through. So..."

Another thing you learned was that Dehya wasn't the girl you thought she was—she was even better.

[nieded]

Hi! Not an ask, more like a confession. I just really felt compelled to tell you that #RainbowRoad is the absolute best fan-created work i’ve ever engaged with, and i’ve been a fan of many things! You are an amazing storyteller.

I also felt compelled to reach out because my friends & family are perplexed. I am perplexed. Primarily because:

1. I started watching DTS. Excellent. Normal for me to try on a new Netflix show….mostly. But is it really? Sports? Me?

2. I casually check out streaming options for the real deal, because you know, i’m curious, and oh! Would you look at that…it’s almost the end of fall break….

3. I subscribe and what’s this….I am absorbing F1. Like i’ve been starved for a sport to enjoy my whole life. Replays. Free practice. Fuckin Tech Talk.

4. Suddenly, I’ve watched 3 seasons of DTS and a disturbing amount of F1 content and it’s COTA Sunday and i’m on the couch, surrounded by snacks, insisting that we have to watch the WHOLE qualifying session not just the highlights because we need to get a feel for everyone’s headspace going into the race.

5. Post-COTA; We have decided Sainz is our driver to watch. I’m also really intrigued by McLaren rn someone pls help. We’re shouting as we watch live as Ferrari pulls a 1-2 and wow. When’s the next race?

6. Mexico City. MEXICO CITY. Sainz has been our man now for 10 days and forever. I suppose i’ll have to dedicate myself to Williams next season but I feel conflicted about that and WHY do I have an OPINION on that already. Who am I? Also can I watch the whole race again just tuned into Russel’s radio? Did he really ask mid-race for tea on Verstappen’s timeout? You don’t have to answer either of those questions i’m probably going look that up as soon as I finish writing you this manic soliloquy.

I’m not saying that you’re to blame for this complex crisis of identity happening over here, i’m really not. I just….I know the difference by now when i’m transfixed by something that’ll surely pass and…well…when I find something that compels me to sit tight & take hold.

On second thought, yeah. From one internet stranger to another, this is your fault.

And i’m enjoying every second of it. ♥️🏎️♥️

P.S. If there is going to be another #rainbowroad story I will be more excited about that than I am about GO3. This summer has been hard and engaging with your work has made it so much less so. Thank you ♥️🏎️♥️

hello! thank you sooooo much. i'm excited that you've gotten so into f1.

couple of things:

1 - i love carlos. he is my favorite himbo. he is so dumb sometimes. all that boy knows how to do is drive but damn does he drive well! i have felt for a long time that he's a sleeper agent. he just goes under the radar. you should look up the circumstances of his first few podiums. some of his biggest achievements have been afterthoughts, sidelined by other drama in f1. for example, when he did all those crazy overtakes during the sprint race and ended up in p2, nobody was talking about it at all! drove me nuts. it is such a sainz thing to be winning races and still losing his seat at ferrari.

2 - williams is worth being a fan of. they are one of the most historic teams and are wccs! i know that's strange to think if you're coming into the sport now, but there are many, many reasons to love williams. the other cool thing about the team is their principal, james vowles, was part of brawn gp. since you're diving into dts, i highly recommend watching brawn gp on amazon prime. you will also develop a love for jensen button.

also, i'm sorry your summer has been hard, and i am glad i could shine some light for you. my summer also was rough, and i still feel like i am recovering. i do have a story in the pipeline. it's still very much in its early development so i don't know if i will write it, but it does exist in my head!

[hoonieyun]

we can't be friends...

“we can’t be friends...”

pairing: johnny suh x reader “y/n”

genre: angst/toxic relationship

plot: your relationship with johnny is complicated, if the word relationship is even a word you could call what the two of you have. maybe it’s better if you two weren't in a relationship… or even friends.

warning: profanity and mentions of sex - MDNI 

notes: haven’t written something in a while and ariana grande’s new album has me in my feels TT - parts in italics are lyrics from ariana’s song “we can’t be friends” copyright goes to her and the writers of that song

word count: 2186

these days your carpet floor is a lot more comfortable than your own bed. your bed harbored so many memories and laying in it only intensified those memories running around in your head. you constantly thought about the good times with johnny; whenever he’d show up at your apartment in the middle of the night with your favorite takeout after a boy broke your heart, or when he’d pretend to be your boyfriend whenever some asshole at the club would get touchy. the good times were good, but the bad times were… terrible. 

you don’t know how you got here. everything was so normal a few days ago but suddenly it boiled over into the mess that it is now. imagine a time where you had everything you wanted, but you still weren’t happy. you and johnny have known each other for 6 years, since college, but it never went anywhere; although you hoped it would. 

the two of you tried dating during your senior year of college but it got so stressful that after 3 months you called it quits; deciding that being friends would be a lot better. the two of you occasionally would still sleep with each other, but you strictly kept it with no strings attached. which leaves you wondering; who caught feelings first and when?

me and my truth, we sit in silence

you’ve been on the floor for a few hours now. changing your position from laying on the floor near your bed to sitting up leaned against your nightstand. your neck was starting to ache but it didn’t compare to the splitting migraine you had. you rubbed your neck to your temples when you realized your throat hurt a bit. not sure if it was because you had been crying all night or because you haven’t spoken all day. scared that if you said something it would solidify the circumstance you found yourself in; afraid that you’d never recover from this. you didn’t know who to turn to, when you grabbed your phone to find someone to call, your fingers instinctively made its way to johnny’s contact in your phone “big bear” but you couldn’t bring yourself to press call or even send a text, just staring at the last message you sent, “we can’t be friends anymore”.

a part of you wants to blame johnny, that it’s all his fault for treating you the way he did. he always confused you. he’d take you out on fancy dates, tell you to dress pretty, and surprise you with a candlelight dinner; everything a loving boyfriend would do, but then he wouldn’t talk to you for a few days then he’d show up out of nowhere, drunk and talking about the girl he just fumbled and how he was never going to find someone to spend the rest of his life with.

it wasn’t always like this. you used to be best friends, something like from a movie, but the last few days it’s felt like the two of you were complete strangers. you toss your phone after staring at his contact and release a deep sigh. deciding to get up from your spot and find something productive to do. it took so much out of you to stand up, the floor had been your safe space and leaving it meant only to relive the trauma of last night. 

you walked out of your bedroom and made your way to the living room, spotting the broken picture frame at the end of the hallway. you bent down to pick up the pieces of glass but got distracted at the photo. it was a photo of you and johnny at your sister’s wedding. he stepped up as your date when you found out your ex boyfriend wasn’t actually abroad studying medicine but was taking care of his wife and child you knew nothing about. the memory brought a smile to your face because you remember walking out of your apartment, trying to suck in all of your tears, when you saw johnny. there he stood in a suit and tie, he’d never looked so good and all you did was run into his arms and continue crying. he held you and in the moment nothing mattered or existed besides the two of you. 

you placed all of the broken shards of glass into the trash and left the photo on your coffee table. it didn’t feel real, there was a hole in your wall next to the front door, a glass of wine spilt on the carpet, and the memories of last night flooding in even harder than before. 

-last night- 

i didn’t think you’d understand me

“are you fucking kidding me, y/n?” johnny yelled from outside your front door. he had been out there for 10 minutes, trying to get you to open the door after you sent him that text message. 

“just go home johnny, it’s almost 1am!” you yelled back but all it did was make him slam his fist into the door. “go home-” you were in the middle of your sentence when he yells back “open the fucking door!”. a part of you knew that you shouldn’t, you knew that opening the door would only cause more problems, and that opening the door would be the end of everything you loved with johnny. *click* and the door swung open to a drunken johnny, leaning his head on his arm over your doorframe. he slowly looks up at you, making eye contact. “what?” he asks. you scoff at him and turn around, “all that bullshit and all you have to say is what?” he follows you into your living room, lazily shutting the front door. 

“come on, don’t be like this.” he says, almost begging. “like what?” you respond, knowing that his next words would only anger you further. “like this! emotional but never using your words! you expect too much out of me, how am i supposed to know what you want!” he yells. you stare at him, johnny’s chest rising up and down, faster with each breath as if he ran here. “you know what your problem is johnny?” you question him. “you don’t know how to take accountability for when you fuck up. and all you do is fuck up!” you start walking towards, pointing your finger up towards his face. 

“you want me to communicate better? well here! you’re an asshole! i hate when you act like you know everything, especially about me, because guess what! you don’t know shit!” your voice was now higher than it should, not a care in your mind if you wake any of your neighbors. your face is inches closer to johnny’s, close enough to feel his breath. you pressed your finger into his chest with every word, backing him up against the wall. “you don’t care about me, you care about having me around so that i’m there for you whenever you need someon-” 

“what the hell are you talking about? of course i care about you!” he cuts you off. “if i didn't care about you would i be here right now?” he questions you. “you’re only here because you know you fucked up not because you care about me. you care that i’m angry at you not because you care about my feelings but because you can’t stand to know that you’re the reason i’m upset and you don’t even know why. you never know why because you’ll do whatever it takes to change my mind, you’ll kiss me, get in my pants, buy me gifts, just so that i won’t be angry at you anymore but you never apologize and you never know what you did. so don’t ever, for a second think, that you care about me. you may have cared about me then but you don’t now. and you haven’t for a while.” tears were pouring down your face, throat sore from yelling, and all johnny could do was look at you. look down at you. 

the two of you stand in silence for a few moments before johnny grabs your face and brings you into a kiss. flipping the two of you over so that your back was against the wall. you push him off of you, johnny almost tripping over the coffee table; knocking over your glass of wine. “i don’t get it, we used to be best friends. we did everything together” johnny finally speaks. 

“how did we get here? why did you have to text me that? i thought we agreed no strings attached?” you sloppily wipe the tears off your face, mascara smearing, and after a deep breath, you respond. “you don’t treat a “friend” the way you treat me. you’ve said it yourself in the past.” and the memory of that night replays in both of your heads. 

the night of your sister’s wedding, at the reception, the two of you were outside in the garden watching the stars. “you know i could probably be the best boyfriend you’ve ever had, i already treat you way better than those dickheads and i’m only your best friend” he says and it makes you question what the two of you are. you chuckle, “yeah right, we tried that and we were both too stupid to understand each other outside of our favorite alcohol and sex.” you playfully slap his chest. you were going to look into his eyes when a shooting start catches your eye, “look!” you point towards it. you slap his chest a couple more times excitedly, “make a wish!”. you close your eyes and clasp your hands closed together, like a child making a wish on their birthday before blowing out the candles. 

what you didn’t see was that before you essentially rejected his subtle offer to date again, he was looking at you instead of the stars in the sky. now he watches you fondly from behind, smiling and admiring your eagerness to make a wish on the shooting star. you begin to turn around and he quickly shuts his eyes to make it seem like he was wishing upon a star the whole time. you skip towards him and wrap your arms under his, “so what’d you wish for?” you ask. johnny scoffs, “like i’d ever tell you, then it won’t come true” he says while playfully rolling his eyes. 

it may seem like he didn’t make a wish in that short time but he wished that the two of you would end up together, spend the rest of your lives together, and grow old together. unfortunately, for johnny, he should’ve known better to wish upon a star. 

the memory of that night, under the stars, leaves you in tears again. johnny explains that he’s always wished the two of you ended up together, that even if he said jokingly, he meant it wholeheartedly, but if only you knew that. 

“i can’t do this anymore.” johnny breaks the silence. you look up at him and he’s walking towards you. “tell me now, what do you want to do? i know you love me y/n and you know i love you, but if this is going to happen between us we need to…” you cut him off. “no…” your back pressed up against the wall again, noses touching in your close proximity. “we can’t be friends… not when the two of us are like this.” you respond. you feel johnny’s warm breath leave his mouth and for a moment everything was silent and there was a ringing in your ear. only to realize johnny had punched a hole in the wall right beside your head. tears begin to spill out of your eyes, almost uncontrollably. you slide down the wall and hug yourself, at this point your bawling your eyes out. johnny releases his hand from the cavity in the wall he created. 

without saying anything… he leaves. 

you spend a few more minutes crying before you get up to continue crying in your room. you pass the framed photo of the two of you in the hallway, hastily grabbing it off the wall, sending it crashing behind you into the dark hallway. almost like saying goodbye to the idea of you two.

-present-

your eyes have become glassy, after recalling the moments of last night. you're shaken out of your thoughts when your phone rings. a short one, indicating it’s a text. dreading to know who it may be from, you make your way back to your room. reaching under your bed to grab your phone after you threw it under there. 

a text from “big bear” shines bright on your phone: i’ll wait for your love. 

if he had sent that text a day earlier he wouldn’t even have to wait for your love, you were ready to give it to him and only him. but after the events of the last few days, maybe the only person you should be giving your love to is yourself.

so for now it’s only me, and maybe that’s all i need… 

copyright 2024 - present © hoonieyun fka jjhyn all rights reserved

all writing here is fiction & not in any association with characters mentioned.

[tetsunabouquet]

Heir To The Lands Chapter 56

Of Clues And Warcries Masterpost

The steps they took in the Silent City fell hard on their ears, no matter how lightly their footwork was as to not disturb the Silent Brothers. The noise boomed and their hearts thumped at their throats. Tessa stopped in front of the closed off ward to Idris, her heart racing in a way it hadn't had for many years. At least Jem and Mina were safe. Finding solace in that thought, she turned to the group behind her. "Alright, once we enter Idris, we have to find Manuel as soon as we can. If anyone sees us and dares to attack, don't hesitate. We have to fight back, or else the Princes of Hell will begin on their invasion on Earth. Idris with all of its history of Shadowhunters, will be lost if we hold back." Her grey eyes settled on Kit, as of course they would and he nodded as he looked back at her. She didn't wanted to lose the perfect family she had built for herself, but when one deals with Shadowhunters, one had to face the music. And so, Tessa took down the wards.

Magnus' living room was filled with more people then he would like. Everyone of the earlier meeting was present again, but this time, Ragnor and Kieran had also joined the group. It wasn't every day the Unseelie King plopped down on his couch and started cooing all over his cat, looking like he could steal Chairman Meow from the household at any moment. Under normal circumstances, he would have pondered if he could sue the Faerie King for pet theft if it were to come down to it, but now he had no time to think about any of the sort. "Alright, we've gathered today to discuss the Seelie Queen. Let's go over this mess and establish the current dilemma first," Alec said, his pale hands gesturing to the table with all the documents. "We still don't know who returned the documents, but generally, they've returned in one piece. However, the recent actions of the Seelie Court suggest Janus did read through some of them before returning to Faerie. I had Maia scan the areas near the exit, and they did manage to find quite some blood and traces of something heavy having been dragged around. She thinks whoever has intercepted Janus, suffered at least one casualty but that they have already cleaned up the body. Tessa's reports about Jaime and Ragnor's tests confirm the Seelie Queen has partnered with the Princes of Hell and that they're trying to garner control of Faerie," Alec took a deep breath before continuing, "Now here's my plan, I feel like we need to do at least the three following things. One, we should find whoever managed to intercept Janus and retrieved the Clave documents in our behalf. Whoever helped us, likely knows more about the Seelie Queen's plans then we do. Secondly, we have to shut down all the roads to Faerie specifically leading to the Seelie Court before she's found a way that allows the Princes of Hell to pass through the wards between our world and Faerie. Thirdly, we need to come forward in a new political alliance to the Unseelie Court, which would allow all wild fey loyal to us and Nephilim to join their ranks so we can turn the tides against the Seelie knights slaughtering Kieran's men. Me and Kieran will do the latter, Magnus and Ragnor will take down the roads and I want to ask of every single one of you to track down whoever bested Janus so we can strike an alliance with them as well." Everyone exchanged glances and Lily decided to speak up first, "I never told Janus during our meeting, but I smelt someone nearby when I was about to leave. I never went after her because my gut instincts were telling me to wait out why she's here as I haven't seen her since I left China behind for good. Her name is Shuhua Wang and she's a warlock from Taiwan who was travelling to Europe at the time. I accompanied her but we parted ways in Russia. It's likely to assume she's working with the group trailing Janus. I hope this information makes you consider how sorry I am." "We don't blame you for being manipulated Lily." Cristina said kindly, "So how about we search for this Shuhua?"

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

ARI IM BREAKING IN AND SHAKING YOU SO HARD RN. u think u could just drop those tags on my post AND LEAVE???!!!! im literally so giddy rn because u get it……u get it so bad

“knightly demeanour vs animalistic tendencies…gentle nature vs his violent actions” my knuckles are white im clenching my fist so hard rn because!!! ur so right there IS something just Off about the guy isnt there?? “simmering” UGH THATS SUCH A GOOD WORD like its there but it isnt so obvious at first because he truly believes hes a good person, fighting for a good cause, helping the weak, protecting vulnerable towns and villages!! but its also the fact that like that isnt really what hes fighting for deep down in his heart. im still messing with this but tell me what u think!! i think hes just the slightest bit misguided (by slight and bit i mean a lot❤️) and has no clue how to view his knighthood because he doesnt get to choose!! he doesnt get to choose who he has to raise his sword for and who he has to bend the knee for

BLARGG i got carried away but im so glad u liked the little drabble🫶🏽🫶🏽knight!sugu lives in my head rent free, im so glad someone else is crazy about him hes so hot

PEHJDJSJD MOSS????? ur making the brainrot worse pls stop 😭😭 this is gonna get extremely long i think just bear w me </3 god i adore ur take on him SO much i cant even explain it

moss. grabs ur shoulders. no because youre actually a genius. i was already sold but i never even considered how perfect a knight au is for suguru holy shit????? UR SO RIGHT. ALWAYS. he is ABSOLUTELY misguided and i think there are so many possibilities for his character in an au like this…

its so similar to his canon circumstances but also Not. and there’s that whole other factor of knighthood and honour thats so different from sorcerers because sorcerers can be (and SHOULD be) a little insane in the head but knights have to be Perfect. but then they also have to be Human and the tragedy is that u cant be both at once. (more on that later 🔥🔥 im normal abt this concept)

this is just my own take on sugu but!! i see him as like… Obsessively Moral. in the sense that he follows his own morals without thinking about anything else. almost destructively. and god moss the way that could translate into a knight au…..

just. suguru being born with so much empathy and strenght (and also that one simmering Thing that makes him a bit off) and immediately being recognized by the people around him. being branded a knight and given a sword to Protect people with. a purpose that he devotes himself wholly to, pledging himself to the protection of the people around him, and finding genuine satisfaction out of helping them (while also getting his kicks out of killing monsters bc it satisfies that one little simmering Urge he has). and the people love him and he loves them!!!

but then we get into the concept of knighthood (which im extremely normal about) and how fucked up and paradoxical it is. bc knights are supposed to Protect but also Kill. and they have to do both. suguru is given a sword to Protect people with but swords only do one thing and that is Kill. so how could he not get a little addicted to the way it feels?

its just sooo… messed up. honestly. knights are branded as heroes and saviors and theyre loved by all but deep down theyre more like dogs who have to lunge in whichever direction their superior throws a bone at. ”he doesnt get to choose who he has to raise his sword for and who he has to bend the knee for” <- LITERALLY THIS. he has to be obedient because knights are defined by Loyalty above all else and there are…. SO many ways that could fuck suguru up mentally.

him being seen as a Perfect Knight… having love for the people hes sworn himself to protect but also an undeniable love for violence…. and having no choice but to do what his king tells him to. its just bound to go wrong!! and when it does he’ll have no choice but to bear the blame alone bc thats what a good knight is supposed to do.

like im just imagining knight!sugu having a similar crisis to canon sugu in which he fails to protect someone, or has to sacrifice a certain amount of people to save more, or maybe just has to Kill something in a very gruesome way. and then slowly people turn their backs on him. maybe not entirely shut him out or anything, but now there’s this tension when he walks in and he sees a hint of fear in the eyes of the people he used to speak to so warmly.

and its just this nausea that he cant get rid of because hes spent his LIFE protecting these people. its all he knows. its what he was born for. and now theyre afraid of him? when he does nothing but devote himself to them? when all he ever did was save them over and over again? i can just imagine that contempt building up inside his stomach. slowly rotting.

and then suddenly all he can think is how ungrateful they are, how weaklings who cant protect themselves should just sit still and let him do it for them……. Yeah. i just think knight!sugu could be corrupted so easily because of how kind and moral he is (the traits that made him a Perfect Knight in the first place . throws up blood)

anyway all this just to say knight!sugu is genuinely the hottest sugu ive ever seen in my life not even kidding thank u for feeding me 🙏🙏🙏 i SCREAMED when i saw it in ur masterlist. if i saw him beat the shit out of a monster w his bare hands i would fold instantly and follow him wherever even if he went crazy and got banished <33 rip to the rest of the village but im different

[skaruresonic]

Going by what the series has provided in terms of Gerald's writing, he was basically scamming GUN by telling them he was making something with weapons development potential, when in actuality his research on the ultimate life form seemed entirely dedicated to medical benefits for Maria's sake. So I can imagine the most intensive experimentation Gerald might have subjected him to would have been like a blood test and making having him run on a treadmill while hooked up to an EKG or something. AKA pretty much what you'd expect out of a normal annual checkup anyway.

I wouldn't think the other researchers working on the ARK were even "in on it" so to speak, even if they worked in the same department. According to the journal entries in Battle, Gerald seemed like he was giving the higher ups the run around when it came to Project Shadow. I would think that if other researchers knew that Shadow was the result of Gerald's research, they'd have probably ratted him out. Considering the Commander was allowed to visit and run around on the ARK at least once, if no living there as a civilian just like Maria, then I'd wager a headcanon claiming that Gerald lied and passed Shadow off as a civilian resident who had nothing to do with his research is more likely than him being poked and prodded by anyone on station wearing a lab coat.

then I'd wager a headcanon claiming that Gerald lied and passed Shadow off as a civilian resident who had nothing to do with his research is more likely than him being poked and prodded by anyone on station wearing a lab coat.

I... wouldn't quite go that far, if only because Gerald would certainly have a lot of explaining to do if suddenly an anthro nobody heretofore had seen walking around the colony showed up one day without clearance. I do agree with the general premise that maybe a select circle of people knew of Shadow's existence. Considering that Black Doom claims a traitor ratted them out, it's possible the culprit was someone in Gerald's closest circle.

is more likely than him being poked and prodded by anyone on station wearing a lab coat.

See, the thing is you don't even need to inject more trauma into Shadow's backstory when Gerald's relationship with him offers plenty of poignant material to work with. The Professor initially viewed Shadow as just a cure for Maria's illness, eventually growing close to his creation, enough to view him as a son... Only to revert back to dehumanizing Shadow as a tool for revenge when he went insane and no longer had conscious control over his thoughts. I find the implications of Shadow and Gerald's dynamic endlessly fascinating, as they may even resonate into Shadow and Eggman's unique relationship today.

If you notice, Shadow never directly pins the blame on Gerald, his creator, for his existential woes. Nor does he seem to directly attribute any of Gerald's wrongdoings to a deficit of character on the Professor's part. This could be because Shadow remembers Gerald as a man who once told that the reason for his existence was to make people happy through the power of silence... but it could also be that his bond to Gerald is very strong, and he prefers for his own peace of mind to think better of the man who gave him life and showed him love. Personally speaking, I like how this attitude subverts typical cliches where the existentially suffering creation harbors rage against its creator.

When speaking of the circumstances of his birth and its ultimate purpose, Shadow typically uses passive voice. "I was created to be a weapon of war" vs. "Gerald created me to be a mindless weapon of war." The subtle omission almost seems to imply some sort of cognitive dissonance.

We see this as well in the line, "I must destroy all the evil the Professor has created." Shadow delivers it quite matter-of-factly, with determination in his voice. He considers it his duty to reverse the destruction Gerald threatens upon the world, yet his tone would indicate he doesn't hold it against the Professor. It's just something that needs to be stopped. Although Gerald orchestrated the colony drop to give mankind a taste of the despair he felt before his death, Shadow doesn't appear to see it as a sin worth condemnation, just a wrong that must be corrected. There's no personal sense of indignation, betrayal, or anger on his end.

While I may be peering too closely into things, part of me wonders now if Shadow is so used to cleaning up the Professor's messes that he views destroying the Biolizard in much the same light as exterminating the Artificial Chaos in Lost Impact. It's tragic that this happened, but what needs to be done needs to be done.

How does Gerald's influence impact Shadow's dynamic with Eggman? In a multitude of ways, I'd argue. A lingering respect for Gerald may subconsciously compel Shadow to give Eggman a baseline level of respect when addressing him - he's one of the only characters to consistently call Eggman "Doctor" - and, of course, being the Professor's only living next-of-kin means Eggman feels a certain possessive ownership over Shadow, and Shadow is likelier than others to hear Eggman out. But there's also a poetic irony in that Eggman is also another evil Gerald may have inadvertently created, which Shadow nonetheless seeks to correct.

[yunessa]

Sometimes we have to hold onto hope. Hope tomorrow is better, hope someone is doing well, or hoping for something else. When hope isn’t able to be held, white lies can help.  Like: tomorrow there will be less locusts in the sky, maybe there will be less house on fire, or, -this one became my favourite lie in Kenabres-: “I’m not quite that special. I'm just another elf.” Mainly to avoid being forced into joining the crusades as Kenabres has a history of voluntelling people stuck within its borders to go fight the World Wound. Another normal elf was unlikely to be voluntold to go and could feasibly slip away. I’d committed myself to helping these newfound friends and the group around me until the army had come, then I’d slip away and bounce to the next town. Singing, playing my lyre for coin and getting another blessing to keep the curse at bay a little while more. It was a simple life with some complications. Sometimes a lot of them. But I was used to it, no need to change my life it if it worked, so I thought. I like to think sometimes that Woljif is partially to blame for having to reject the lie I was normal entirely. Someone being cursed in Golarion isn’t unusual. Neither is possession, weird not-children, Inquisitors, bastard nobility, angels and demons, tieflings, mongrels or even gnomish hell knights. It is the world we live in- unusual stories and circumstances happen. But a talking sword is far from normal or unusual. A talking sword is something straight from a ballad or a true heroic story you would find on a bookstore’s shelves or hear about at the inn. You can’t lie that a talking sword is normal in everyday life because the only people who possess one can’t be normal. So when I held FInnean in my hands and the shock of his talking wore off, I began to realise that perhaps, I was not normal at all. I had no idea where such a thing would see me- I never would have guessed at it- but finding Finnean made even that white lie impossible to swallow. I told Woljif once I was normal until I found Finnean and jokingly blamed him for it. Wolf responded with: Were you ever really normal though? You were already weird when you found him. The urge to tug at his head by grabbing his horns sometimes comes to me rather strongly. -Yunessa

[true-blue-sonic]

I think very often about the fact that Silver doesn't have any friends from his own time. Even if he did make friends in the future, he would risk erasing them from existence any time he chose to go to the past; and not only would nobody but him realize the loss that happened, but also he would have nobody but himself to blame for causing the loss of his friend.

And that made me wonder: If Silver were to be rendered unable to (seemingly) ever return to the past and got forced to make a life for himself in the future, and then he did, but then suddenly he regained the chance to see his friends from the past again… Under normal circumstances he might've had little qualms about visiting the past again, but after spending potentially years accepting he'll never get to see them again but he's not gonna let that prevent him from living his life… would he be willing to risk losing the life he has now?

Exactly this is a dilemma I like discussing in some of my fics as well, like New Beginnings and Genesis. The choice to go back in time and making a whole world and its inhabitants not exist in the first place is definitely made more easy when that world is beyond rescue and its inhabitants are mostly gone or rapidly dying out anyway. Since the games never dive into Silver's life in the future except some vague mentions here and there, like Silver saying that the sky is blue and everybody's got a smile in Colours DS, I find it hard to infer what his social life would be like there. But indeed, if he brings forth an accidental change to the timeline, it is very likely that people he knew in the future are gone or get fundamentally changed. And if they don't recognise him with each timeline 'reset', I can imagine that for Silver it eventually becomes better to just not have any acquaintances there at all. It leads to too much heartbreak, too many goodbyes, and far too much guilt. No, in such a scenario, I really do think Silver might steel himself and ensure his only friends are ones that are safe in the past, where his control over their lives only extends to ensuring they can keep on living instead of being responsible for their demise. Stopping people from coming into existence is already a tough choice, let alone if it's someone Silver knows, and I think he's got a lot to grapple with conscience-wise about it all.

As for your question in your second paragraph, I'm afraid I don't have a solid answer. I think a lot would hinge on how likely it is his visit to the past immediately changes the entire timeline. If he were to visit on some calm weekend afternoon when there's nothing happening regarding Eggman and the like, I don't think there would be too much chance of things going wrong? But I do think he would be tremendously antsy about it all, both in part because he hasn't seen his friends in the past for so long and in part because he is afraid he's going to lose some friends all over again, but then in the future instead. All in all, it is a situation wherein I see only losses and problems, with no easy solution to ensure everything goes well for both people in the future and the past simultaneously. But somehow, I have faith that Silver can make it work!

[musingmemories]

Voices in your head.

Intuition. Reason. Insanity. Three pillars that existed in the back of the mind. Little whispers, pulls, guidance. Under normal circumstances, the voice in your head was your own, your inner dialogue... but for June, it was someone else’s voice entirely. A presence with a personality, another entity housing the same body, both battling for dominance. An uninvited guest, the roommate nobody wanted. The Enchantress she called herself, not a made up split personality June had created all on her own... still made her feel crazy and unraveled all the same.

A secret she kept to herself, even from Rick, trying to figure out how to exorcise Enchantress from her body by herself... because the sorceress had a way of going eerily quiet when June tried to tell anyone. Those that claimed to have magical powers like palm and tarot readers, shamans, June even went as far as attending Confession at church, hoping the holy water would make her skin burn. Crazy. The conclusion made, leaving June right back to where she'd started and Enchantress amused by June's continued futile attempts. She felt herself slipping away, dreams plagued by nightmares, conversations with Enchantress in what felt like a different realm entirely than dreamland she'd once used to visit. If she could keep control over her, remain the main host... no one would get hurt.

But someone did. Almost. Rick, the most understanding sort of person June could've told — warned him that she knew Enchantress was up to something. Something diabolical... the end of the world. Whether it was stubbornness or determination to eradicate Enchantress from existence by her own hands to make up for her own mistakes, June refrained from telling him... at the cost of his life being threatened. Under the lull of deep slumber, "Enchantress" was called in June's sleep, the sorceress taking over June's body to get a good look at Rick Flag, a person capable of finding a way to get her what she wanted.. or kill him to make June drown in sorrow, washed away from the world of the living, leaving Enchantress the main. Deciding on the later, Enchantress' hands had gripped Rick's throat, musing about what a pity it was to lose someone so handsome... when June's consciousness threw Enchantress to the deepest depths of her mind and heart, coming back. Trembling hands released Rick's throat, apologies tumbling from her lips in sobs and fear, a monster she was, no longer in complete control like she'd once thought.

It was then all was revealed.

'Why didn't you say anything earlier? We could've avoided this whole mess'. Hearing the words fall from Rick’s lips, the guilt threatened to corrode away in June’s chest. Regret went hand in hand with it, blaming herself for going down that rabbit hole of curiosity, knowing it was only cats that had nine lives. But to make such a discovery when no one else had, finding the treasure she’d perused, lured by its siren song of greed and vulnerability… that much June didn’t regret. “How, Rick?” Her tongue felt like lead, throat dry, sobs long gone but remnants still clinging to that spot at her nose and triggered behind her round spring colored orbs. June refused to continue to cry, to hear and feel Enchantress snickering, scuttling around the back of her mind and heart, prodding the deepest and most intimate memories she held. June had somehow managed to wrangle the demon back from her own body, skin feeling like it wasn’t her own... there was still a small sliver of hope. But it was slipping away.

"Every route I've tried has lead to a dead end. She goes quiet when I try to get any sort of holy guidance or exorcism... and she's now threatened your life I..." Swallowing thickly, June knew what she had to do. "I shouldn't... I'm a danger to you now... I'm losing control. I'm losing myself to her... and I can't lose you too because of me."

@fablesuntold sent — “why didn't you say anything earlier? we could've avoided this whole mess.” ( Rick to June )

[kore-b]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/49428337

Mary is alive. No one knew until Lilith was able to track her down after the fight with Adriel. She is alive but injured. They know who did it. Vincent.

Lilith and Camila are the ones who look for her, Mother Superion gave them the permission to use one of the vans, Lilith is the one driving as Camila tries her best to stay calm and contain her emotion, after everything that happened just some hours ago she feels guilty at being happy about something, but she misses Mary and she can't wait to see her again.

They arrive to the place, it's an abandoned and completely destroyed building, perfect to hide. Camila gets out of the van quickly and goes inside, Lilith following behind her as she makes her claws appear, just in case it was needed; it takes them some time to find their friend, the only reason they found her was because Mary let out a groan of pain. She looks like shit .

She's still in the same clothes she was when she saved their lives. Except now she's covered in blood almost completely. Blood on her face. Hands. Clothes. Boots. It's intimidating, but Camila and Lilith ignore all the blood and get close to her. Mary stares at both of them, but it looks like she doesn't recognize them, this causes Camila to panic, she can't lose anyone else; "Mary, it's us, Camila and Lilith", Lilith says in a soft tone, Camila had never heard her talking so soft to anyone, but it makes sense she would talk like that given the circumstances they were in, Mary seems to relax when she recognizes the voice. She struggles to get up and struggles even more to stand up, leaning on Lilith to stay up and not fall.

Camila stares at Mary to try and see how injured she is, but it's useless in this state, her clothes are covering her whole body and there is no injury she can see like this. She guesses she's injured somewhere on her stomach by the way she's covering it with her free arm, she decides that she will check it out once they're in the van or when they get to Cat's Cradle, the first thing they need to do is get her in the van. Lilith is careful and slow, taking short steps as she tries her best to get Mary into the van safely, it takes time but they eventually get her there, Lilith goes back to the front as Camila stays on the back with Mary. She notices how bad Mary's state is and decides that she will look at her injuries at Cat's Cradle.

The whole ride is silent. The only sound are Mary's groans of pain.

"She didn't make it, did she?", Mary asks after some silent moments, they know who she's talking about, and they know that she knows the answer. But they don't say it. Lilith's hands grip the steering wheel with more strength, her knuckles turning white. Mary lowers her head and looks at her hands with dry blood on them; she knows who's fault it is, she knows who caused all of this, she knows who they have to blame. She can't even say his name. Vincent.

Mary can feel the anger slowly returning to her, waiting to explode, waiting to act. She will let it happen.

The van gets silent once more and it stays that way until they get to Cat's Cradle; Mary seems a bit better, she had gotten some rest in the ride and it seemed to be enough for a little while. She still needs Lilith's help to get out and walk, Camila is the one who carries Mary's guns.

They slowly make their way into the place, getting some stares from the Sisters inside, they can't blame them when Mary is covered in dust and blood that they don't know if its hers or someone else's, it does look like a look Mary would have, but the shock of it happening after months without knowing her location is understandable. The walk is slow and Lilith makes sure Mary doesn't try too much or too hard to walk, everything seems fine until Mary sees him .

Vincent is talking to Mother Superion, it seems normal but they can all feel how mad Mother Superion is, they can't blame her, everyone feels the same about him. Mary sees red , she can't walk well yet she walks up to him slowly, Mother Superion gasps when she sees Mary and hugs her without thinking, happy to see one of her girls returning home, Mary hugs her back tenderly, knowing how much it meant to her to know that one of her girls was alive after what happened; she allows the hug to last as long as Mother Superion needs it to last, which is at least some minutes, but Mary doesn't mind. The smile the older woman gives her makes her forget about everything that happened to her in the last months.

But when she sees him , and he is looking at her like he did nothing wrong, she can't stop the anger from bursting out.

"What the fuck is he doing here?", she asks, clearly mad, everyone stays silent at the big contrast of her personality in the span of two seconds, "Well, he helped us in this fight", Mother Superion comments, she can't be upset at Mary's tone because she knows that Mary wasn't there in the fight and doesn't know what happened. "Lilith, why didn't you kill him?", she questions without looking at her, her eyes focused on the son of a bitch that was standing in front of her, Lilith says what Vincent already knows, "I wouldn't take that pleasure from you", she replies, Mary smirks and it makes Camila shiver a bit. She has never seen Mary like this.

Vincent starts to walk away to avoid conflicts. Mary won't let him.

_-_-_

I wrote this fic some days ago and thought it'd be good idea to post it here so more people know about it and read it :)

[assiraphales]

if someone from china or russia made a similar post for their country that'd be just as good. good for them, good for them for finding joy in the little things and for seeking beauty in this world of ours. can people just be normal. the kremlin is actively committing war crimes, the administration in beijing is horrible, the us government seems to hate its citizens etc. but what should one random person, who's just trying to make it through the day, do? should we all live in misery and think about nothing but doom and hate all day? literally just be normal. sincearly, an eastern european

I also think it’s very humanizing to hear about the little things that people love. because so often it’s easy for people to group an entire population together and blindly hate. to blame the entire population for their governments misdeeds, as if a significant portion of them they are not also victims. ppl are ppl, no matter the circumstances.

[astrobolical]

When the truth spills forth-

Content Warnings: Pining, Alhaitham’s version of fluff, Kaveh’s obliviousness, mentions of their history

I wasn't sure if I was gonna post character x character, but here we go. Why not?

I adore these two, especially Kaveh, and think they deserve the world. We all know they’re married even if they don’t know it (Alhaitham does, Kaveh might not).

Living with one’s heart on their sleeve, laying their emotions bare for the world to see, it was something incomprehensible to Alhaitham. What benefits could it bring? What could it do but bring you troubles and eventual pain? Yet Kaveh was exactly that, brilliant, bright yet incredibly transparent. Almost unbearably.

His eyes told the world his truth, no matter what he tried to hide. It was tiresome to witness, Alhaitham could only imagine it was exhausting to exist in such a state. Kaveh persevered, however, regardless of how haphazard that perseverance was. Every step he took forward held the danger of tumbling back down the rocks he’d dragged himself from. He’d come so far, yet it was clear how much he was truly trying to balance, and the impact it had on the architect.

Alhaitham knew that their situation was only contributing to Kaveh’s unfortunate circumstances, for reasons far beyond the scribe’s control. No matter what he said or did, Kaveh would see the world in a vastly different way than himself. Alhaitham, contrary to his roommate’s belief, was happy with their arrangement. It had become his norm, an expectation to come home to Kaveh fussing over some new decoration, hearing his chastising and endless complaints. As blunt as Alhaitham was in return, it was never out of malice. 

He’d always cared about Kaveh, in his own way. Even in the past when they’d gone their separate ways— what he’d said had been the truth, spoken only to try to make Kaveh see reason, see how the way he was going would end in his detriment. Softened blows or flimsy words were not Alhaitham’s forte, he had always been brutally honest with Kaveh regardless of the consequences— perhaps more honest than he is with anybody else. 

While he could walk away from the majority of people within Sumeru without a second thought, Kaveh was someone who held a value he couldn’t measure. To Alhaitham Kaveh was something to ground him, keep him thinking, and surprise him at every turn. Kaveh was everything Alhaitham was not, just as he was everything Kaveh was not. A balance that was uniquely them. Something that couldn’t be replaced, something that Alhaitham had no desire to lose, even if Kaveh was blind to it.

Just like when he’d spoken his truth all those years ago, Alhaitham had been there again for Kaveh when he was needed. Despite the distance between them, the unyielding silence that had persisted. Alhaitham’s home had become Kaveh’s, despite his senior’s protests. Though it had begun as a way to keep his senior’s head above the proverbial water, Alhaitham had quickly come to adjust to their situation. Faster than anyone in Sumeru would likely believe given his reputation. 

The noises he would normally drown out were welcomed when they were Kaveh. His space being invaded was only okay when it was Kaveh. 

It was simply because it was Kaveh.

But he knew that if he voiced this to the architect he’d freeze. His mind would go into overdrive, working to its breaking point and creating problems that didn’t exist. He’d find a way to blame himself for a misfortune he didn’t cause. He’d burn away internally until he couldn’t withstand it anymore, succumbing to his own negativity and self doubt, and he, inevitably, would flee the situation in a vain attempt to make the situation ‘better’. 

So the scribe remained quiet about the way he felt, keeping his actions subtle, behind the scenes. He continued to chastise and speak bluntly with Kaveh as he always did-- just a tiny bit more forethought to his words so that he didn’t give Kaveh too much to think on.

In some ways, Kaveh was like a skittish desert fox. Eager, curious-- oddly adorable-- yet incredibly easy to frighten, startle or deter. 

If it was anyone else, Alhaitham would have declared them not worth his time and efforts, left them behind to continue their lives without him… but this wasn’t anyone else. 

So he lived, ignoring his growing affections, keeping the same distance that Kaveh seemed to need. When he’d find himself covering a sleeping Kaveh, passed out on his desk, with a blanket he resisted the urge to press a kiss to the top of his head, to indulge in the impulses he held deep down. Because if Kaveh knew, he feared that Kaveh would choose to leave. 

So when he returned home and was greeted with the sight of boxes in the entryway Alhaitham’s first reaction was fear. His normally rational mind, ever-calm and logical gave way to the feelings deep in his chest-- surely Kaveh hadn’t found a place so suddenly? Why? Alhaitham grit his teeth, his jaw clenched as he made his way by the boxes, he could hear Kaveh deeper within the house and he made his way there without a moment’s hesitation.

Kaveh’s room was in disarray, furniture moved about and out of place, the architect standing in the middle going through drawers that hadn’t been opened in months. “Kaveh?” He questioned, leaning in the doorway. His expression gave away nothing of his internal turmoil, stoic and calm as always.

“Oh.” Kaveh looked up, almost sheepishly as he looked around at the mess. “I didn’t think you’d be home so soon. Don’t worry, this will be packed up soon and you’ll have your precious space back.” He spoke more calmly than Alhaitham anticipated, expecting a level of defensiveness over his actions-- Kaveh would never truly apologize to the scribe, nor would he bring himself to thank him for anything he does. “I’ll be out of your hair soon enough.”

“Why?” 

The question left his lips with the same brashness as the day he’d destroyed their friendship, but Kaveh just looked at him, a confused expression settled on his face before he rolled his eyes. “Seriously? Come on, it's not like I need to explain myself here.” 

His back turned he began to go through the drawer he’d been looking into again, ignoring Alhaitham’s stiffened form in the doorway. Alhaitham’s mind worked quickly, almost in a panic as he debated what to say. I think you do. You’re just going to leave like this? Can you even afford the place you’ve found long-term?

But he bit them all back, instead stepping forward and making his way through the room. He felt too warm, his heart racing against his chest. “Are you just going to stand there all evening?” Kaveh quipped, never turning to look at Alhaitham again-- perhaps if he had Alhaitham could have better controlled what he did next. Stopped his hands from reaching out, stopped his arms from encircling around Kaveh’s shoulders that rapidly stiffened. Stopped himself from pressing his forehead to the man’s hair. “What are you doing?!” Kaveh’s own hands found his forearms, confusedly pressing against the offending appendages that gently held him.

“Stay.” He breathed, feeling overwhelmed by his own movements, like the room was too warm, their bodies too close but yet not close enough. The truth he’d hidden for so long edging dangerously close to the ledge, teetering towards the dangerous abyss of making it known, letting it out into the world and risking it all coming crashing down. “Stay.” He repeated, for once unsure what else he could possibly say.

“Wha- What’s gotten into you all of a sudden?!” Kaveh was stiff in his arms, but his protests were light, clearly more perplexed than anything, not that Alhaitham could blame him. He, too, wasn’t sure what he was doing. “What do you mean ‘stay’?!” He grumbled. 

“Don’t leave.”

“I got that! Don’t leave where, Alhaitham?” Kaveh’s voice was becoming higher in pitch, cracking in the middle of his sentence.

“Here. Don’t move.” Alhaitham didn’t dare to let go-- he’d trapped his skittish fox within his arms, and if he let go now he was sure he would flee to hide within the sands. “Don’t leave.” 

There was a tense moment of silence between the two men before the architect finally wriggled free of the younger’s grasp, turning to face him before he realized how little space was truly between them. Instead he was face to face with a solemn looking Alhaitham, his back trapped against the dresser he’d been emptying. 

His eyes were wide, his face as red as the fabric he wore and Alhaitham knew he didn’t want to go back to coming home to an empty house. He couldn’t return to a time before their tentative reconciliation. 

Kaveh’s mouth opened, but no sound escaped, instead he closed it once again, eyes averting to look anywhere but his roommate. The silence was palpable, tension growing between them in a way they’d never experienced before. “Where did that even come from?” He finally muttered, bringing his arm up and shielding his blushing face with his hand, as if the red didn’t peek through, moving back towards his ears. 

“I want you to stay here.” Alhaitham reiterated, despite the unknown situation, how little he’d thought this one through. How unlike him this was. “I know you feel like you’re a burden to me, but I want you here, Kaveh.” 

“W-what the hell? Come on, Alhaitham quit joking around--” 

“I’m not joking.” He closed the distance between them more, barely a breath apart, almost close enough for Kaveh to feel his racing heart. He reached towards the hand that covered his roommate’s face, pulling it away and looking him square in his ruby eyes. “Kaveh, you don’t need to leave. Please.” 

“Alha--” 

“Kaveh.” He interrupted, leaning down just enough so their noses touched. “I…” 

All the days of silence, protecting Kaveh’s peace of mind in his own way. Withholding the truth that would send the architect running. Everything he’d held in came rushing forward as he was faced with the reality of Kaveh leaving. It was a reality he knew could happen, he’d expected it to come up now and then, but somehow with it being so real in front of him it was frightening. Every carefully hidden gesture, every snide remark covering a look of endearment, everything was coming undone in just a few moments. 

Alhaitham knew there was no returning from this, no turning back from what he’d begun. He could only hope and pray that Kaveh could handle his truth. That his skittish fox would find a way to not blame himself for this somehow. To not hate himself. To accept the truth for what it was.

“I love you.” 

Kaveh’s mouth was agape, eyes wider than before, breath coming out in ragged puffs as he undoubtedly fought down whatever panic was rising in his own chest. Sputters of attempted responses left his lips but formed no words. The distance between them was filled with nothing but silence and an inexplicable static-- like a spark waiting to ignite something further. 

“You-” He whispered, voice failing once again. “You… you can’t be serious... Don’t make a joke of something like this, I thought you… that you’d be better than that!” 

He moved to leave, to flee just as Alhaitham knew he would, but the scribe gripped his shoulders. “I’m not joking, Kaveh. I’m being serious.” 

Watery red eyes met turquoise, as if searching for any hint of a lie from the man who was holding him. Yet from the expressions on his face Alhaitham knew that the reality of his words was beginning to settle in. “What the hell…” Kaveh murmured, looking away when he was seemingly satisfied. “That’s not fair at all…” 

“Not fair?” Althaitham questioned, voice low, trying to keep himself calm, to retain a sense of logical reasoning, to keep himself steady in the revelation of what he’d just done. 

“You always just say whatever you want, it’s not fair.” Kaveh huffed, pushing against his shoulders in a vain attempt to gain some space. 

“Is there something you want to say to me…? Just say it.” Alhaitham dared not to let himself hope, he’d long since accepted that his feelings were one sided, that there was little to no chance to repair what he’d broken in the past, let alone further it. “Just say what you want to say.” 

“It’s not fair!” Kaveh whimpered, biting his lip. “Even things like this you say so casually.” Kaveh stopped his pushing, instead Alhaitham was shocked as the blonde moved forward, resting his forehead on Alhaitham’s shoulder in defeat. “Even something I should have said first.”

Alhaitham hugged Kaveh close, long hair tickling his nose as he nuzzled his face as close as he could manage. Quickly discarding his headset when they hindered how close he could get. It felt like a dream, like he’d wake at any moment and find himself back to square one waiting for this day to come again where he’d face losing Kaveh. The only person he could bring himself to have this close, to invade his space, to hold. 

They remained like that for a long, restless minute. Only the sounds of Kaveh’s hands gripping onto Alhaitham’s clothes, of his little whimpers as he let himself be overwhelmed with the situation. The thundering pulse of Alhaitham’s racing heart in his own ears. 

“So… you’ll stay?” He questioned, barely willing to break the quiet atmosphere between them, the calm in the midst of whatever storm they’d begun. 

At this Kaveh did push him back, abruptly and far more roughly than his initial attempts. Alhaitham could see the tear stains on his cheeks, how red his eyes had become and the watery shimmer of tears still threatening to fall. “I wasn’t leaving! You moron!” He hiccuped, gesturing wildly to the messy room. “I was going to put things in storage!” 

Alhaitham blinked, slowly, as the words settled in his mind. “What about the boxes in the entryway?” 

Kaveh glared at him as he wiped away his lingering tears, and Alhaitham felt relieved--it was still the Kaveh he knew, things hadn’t entirely blown up like he’d worried about. “They’re for you. God knows you could do some spring cleaning.”

Alhaitham nearly laughed, a breathy huff escaping him at the sheer audacity of the situation. “Ridiculous.” He muttered, ignoring the indignant retort Kaveh threw back his way in favour of bringing him back into his arms. “You’re ridiculous.” 

“And yet you… love me.” Kaveh whispered, his nose just barely missing Alhaitham’s at their new proximity. 

Alhaitham didn’t bother to answer vocally, simply staring with the same, bored gaze he always gave the architect. It earned him a smack to the shoulder and a huffy, embarrassed man in his arms. “...I… love you, too.” 

Alhaitham was the one to breach the shallow distance between them, pressing a chaste kiss to Kaveh’s lips, enjoying the noise of surprise that graced his ears as he pulled away. Adoring the way that Kaveh chased the sensation. Alhaitham denied him the press of his lips, a smirk on his face. “Well, shall we do some ‘spring cleaning’ then?” 

“You’re an ass.” Kaveh groaned, but didn’t protest-- if Alhiatham really was willing to help him with the daunting task of cleaning their home, he surely wasn’t going to argue the point. 

They laxed back into a comfortable rhythm, if a little tense with that spark that remained between them. Perhaps remaining a little too close to one another, their skin brushing more than they ever would have allowed before.

Some things had surely begun to change, but Alhaitham felt relieved to know that his truth was shared with Kaveh, and that the two of them would work through whatever turmoil faced them in the future. Together. 

[sad-goth-dark-writer]

Yandere Eddie Munson Alphabet

Abduction, would they abduct their love interest if so when, why, and how? I can’t really see Eddie fully kidnapping his love interest, however he would isolate them and try to keep them inside all day if they lived together.

Birth, when did their obsession start? I think the yandere behaviors would kind of just come along with the romantic feeling which would likely occur after friendship. Eddie has been attracted to people he doesn’t know well but never having a full blown crush.

Crush, what would they do/feel if their love interest had a crush on someone else? He would be angry, not necessarily at you but at life and the circumstances that would lead to you being interested in someone else. He would also blame the other person.

Definitely, what is something they almost certainly would do? When your still friends but he has feelings for you he would definitely be clingy. Constantly following you, trying to get you to not spend time with other people stuff like that.

Envy, do they get envious of relationships their love interests have with others? Definitely, he’s very jealous because he wants to have you for himself. He’s scared that you’ll lose interest in him if you spend more time with other people because people tend to think he’s weird and avoid him.

Force, would they force their love interest to do anything if so what? Once in a relationship he would often force you to kiss/make out with him and be constantly touching you. I can’t see him doing anything explicitly sexual without consent though.

Guilt, do they regret any of their actions? If so, what actions? Many of his actions are from this kind of desperation to make sure you don’t leave/break up with him. He knows that a lot of his actions are unhealthy and bad but he tries to justify if in his mind with ideas that other people don’t care about you as much as he does or that he’s just looking out for you.

Hidden, do they hide their feelings if so from who? He is very open with his clingyness though most people just think he’s some weird asshole boyfriend and don’t think much about it. When alone with you he’s more honest with the “intense” level of love he feels.

Isolate, do they manipulate their love interest? Definitely, he doesn’t use more physical forces and is left with just convincing you with manipulative words.

Justice, how would they react if their love interest was being bullied and/or abused? Oh he would fucking lose it. He’s near definitely dealt with with bullying himself and would go bat shit if he found out you were dealing with it. He wouldn’t do anything drastic in front of you but if he knew who your bully was he would find them. He would likely threaten them and maybe assault them in an attempt to try to get them to leave you alone. He would do the same if you were struggling with abuse from a family member.

Kill, would they ever kill someone if so who and why? No. I don’t think he could ever get himself to do such a thing.

Lucidity, do they know their feelings/behaviors are unhealthy if so does that stop them? As stated earlier in the Guilt section, he knows threatening people and manipulating you into avoiding others to spend time with him alone is bad; but he thinks that his reasoning is justified.

Motivation, what is their motivation for their actions? He’s scared of you losing interest or leaving him for someone “normal” and wants to to just have someone to rely on.

Never, what is a hard core limit? As stated earlier he would never kill someone or harm you.

Often, what are some things they often do with/to their love interest? He honestly just likes talking to you/being around you. He tries to spend as much time with you as possible which leads to you guys doing a lot of stuff together. Stuff like sitting in his bedroom while he talks about D&D or trying (and failing) to help him with his homework.

Proprietorial, do they get proprietorial/possessive of their love interest often? Its not that he thinks he “owns” you its that he hates almost everyone and thinks most people have bad intentions with you.

Qualm, how would they feel if their love interest was scared of them?  When he threaten and or assaults other people he tries to make sure you don’t find out. If you somehow do and start being scared of him he (tries) to reassure you that he wouldn’t hurt you or people you care about.

Reason, what are the reasons behind their obsessive behavior/feelings?

For years he’s had people think he’s weird and avoid him or outright hate him. A lot of his more unhealthy behaviors are based in trying to make sure you don’t break up with him.

Share, this is for various x reader fan fiction but would they “share” their love interest? No.

Trust, do they build a relationship with their love interest? He would first befriend you, develop romantic feelings for you and you would eventually start dating. Most of his obsessive behaviors don’t show until your already in a relationship.

Unmistakable do others take notice of their obsessive behavior? I think some of his friends would take notice of how clingy and partially paranoid he is but they wouldn’t think much of it. They would just think it’s Eddie being weird.

Violence, do they act violently towards their love interest? No.

Waspish, do they often show hostility towards their love interest and/or others? To you? No. To others? Yes. I already listed some of his actions towards others so I won’t specify here.

X, What is a random headcanon you have for this character as a yandere that wouldn’t be on this list? Whether their good people or not he would probably hate your parents. If their more protective they likely wouldn't like you dating a twenty year old drug dealer who has been in high school for six years and would try to either make you break up with him or minamize your time with him. If they are neglectful emotionally and/or physically their would be a lot of trauma their and he wold resent them for it. If their straight up abusive he and would likely threaten and/or assault them.

Also he’s likely taken picture of you and masturbated to it at least once.

You, what does this character go after in a S/O? He would want someone who genuinely liked him and enjoyed spending time with him so he wouldn’t go yandere over someone he doesn’t have a relationship with prior.

Zealous, how passionate are their feelings compared to other yandere's? In comparison to Billy (who imma do an alphabet of next) he’s pretty tame but is more intense than Steve, Jonathan, and Robin

[satanandsoul]

hello, thank you for the reply and yes, he did mention it in a dream vs dream video to be 10:00 am. it'd be great if you could do it for that time! thank you once again!!! have a great day ahead!

Hi there anon! Thank you so much for confirming the birth time for Haechan. Really appreciate it! 💕💛💕

♊︎ Haechan Birth Chart Analysis ♊︎

Disclaimer: All these are for entertainment purposes only. DO take my words with a grain of salt.

Asteroid and astrological body that will be discussed in depth are Chiron and Black Moon Lilith (BML) as they show up prominent in my research.

First of all, can I just say, I feel sorry for this man. Like Genuinely. With Sun-Venus conjunction in 11th house Gemini opposite Pluto-Chiron conjunction in 4th house Sagittarius, I cannot imagine how painful it is to live Haechan's life. I myself have Sun-Venus conjunction in Leo square Pluto in Scorpio. There wasn't a moment when I didn't wish I was someone else before I was 25 (the age Venus matures). Natives with Sun-Venus conjunction place a lot of importance on whether they are socially accepted or loved. Their egos are bounded with the idea of becoming that popular boy or girl that is welcomed in any social circumstances. Normally, it manifests well when this aspect is on its own. It gives diplomacy and popularity to the natives. But Haechan has his Sun-Venus conjunction opposite by Pluto-Chiron conjunction. People who have Sun-Pluto and Venus-Pluto stressful aspects at the same time inherently think that they are unlovable. They constantly compare themselves to others and find faults within themselves. And when you throw in Chiron (wounds that one cannot heal) into the mix, I see it manifests as a lot of people around Haechan (most probably at home because Pluto and Chiron are in the 4th house) making remarks on how unlikeable his usual way of getting things done (Sun) and his love language (Venus). It can also be Haechan's appearance that people make remarks on as Sun is the chart ruler. And these remarks hurt Haechan and lower his self-esteem. Haechan has Uranus trining his Sun-Venus conjunction from the 7th house. He may appear fast-changing in order to not let others notice his hurt. An example that I can give you is you know how people pretend that they have moved on to something else when they can see their passion projects are failing. It is to save them faces but deep down they are saddened by the said failure. The same thing will happen to love for Haechan. He will pretend that he has found a new man or woman he is interested in when he can sense that you are not that into him. It is a defence mechanism. You can't really blame Haechan for that. I will ignore the trines Neptune makes with the Sun-Venus conjunction as its orb is too wide, 9 degrees.

Moon in 12th house Leo opposite Neptune in 6th house Aquarius: At Haechan's core, he is extremely dreamy (Neptune and 12th house together? Puff). Not in the way that you will sigh by just one look at him, but I feel like Haechan is really good at selling a fantasy to others. Not that he deliberately does so for ulterior motives, he himself believes in those fantasies too. I can't tell you what kind of fantasies these are exactly, because Moon can point to literally all kinds of inner workings happening within a person. But Haechan is definitely dreamy by nature. And his Moon is trined by the same dame Pluto-Chiron conjunction. His emotions are also impacted by the remarks that I have just talked about in the previous paragraph. But the beauty about trine is that it is a gift. Moon trine Pluto gives emotional resilience after failure and Moon trine Chiron gives the native an opportunity to heal through emotion (But the orb for this aspect is huge too, 9 degrees, so... 🤞🏻). But is Haechan okay? I am genuinely concerned.

Now, the Mercury that Haechan has is chef-kiss. I know, it is in Cancer, which is not the domicile or exaltation position for Mercury. But it is the apex of a Yod (the finger of God), energetically charged by Neptune and Pluto. Haechan naturally understand the public's subconscious (Neptune, the dreamy subconscious; while Pluto, the obsessive subconscious). He is a great artist because of that. He can use his communication (Mercury) to make something new (the nature of Yod), psychologically profound (Pluto) and mesmerising (Neptune). Another singer-songwriter that has Mercury as the apex of the a Yod is Lana Del Rey, although the supporting planets are different (Jupiter and Uranus). But you get what I mean, she is one of the greatest lyricists of our generation. Mercury opposite BML: The way that Haechan talks stresses people out. This is because he has no filter. He does not recognise some topics are considered taboos in the society. And hence, he may feel ostracised for the way he thinks. But it is a great talent that he has in provoking people by just talking. I can also feel that he may be good at dirty talk (not going into too much details of this as this is not a 18+ reading).

Mars in 11th house in Gemini loosely conjuncts Sun: Great aspects for having an alignment between what he wants and how he gets it. Mars trine Uranus: very dynamic and energetic. I can see that he values independence. He will dislike it if someone retrains his actions. He is a wild card in that sense. And I can see that he is kind of experimental in bedroom (again, not going into too much details of this as this is not a 18+ reading).

Aquarius Descendant conjuncts Uranus in 7th house: Haechan attracts and is attracted to the rebellious type of people. He himself can feel very rebellious too. But at the same time, his relationships will come and go very fast. They are highly unstable.

Jupiter-Saturn conjunction in 10th house: This is someone who is grounded (Saturn) with his aspirations (Jupiter). And his aspirations are mostly related to his chosen profession (10th house). He has a high possibility in succeeding in his career IF he can overcome his tendency to be rebellious, unpredictable, and unconventional in love matters (Uranus in the 7th house) as his Jupiter-Saturn conjunction is squared by Uranus. After his Saturn return, his career will blossom.

I hope you enjoy this reading, anon. And have a nice day!