#so yeah based on the pretty consistent thing with the letters I do believe there are very simply 16 interiors & a cover wrapper and no more

[sydney-carton-of-sour-milk]

The Many Illustrators of A Tale of Two Cities 7: A. A. Dixon

"'Collins' Clear-Type Press, let me ask you a question.'"

This is a very long post.

This week's edition has, in my research, become quite the edition.

Sadly, this image is the best source for the cover wrapper illustration that I could find.

You are likely familiar with Arthur Augustus Dixon's illustrations for the 1905 Collins Pocket Edition of A Tale of Two Cities. Several of them are very common to find in Internet searches and articles about the book, if not other editions of the book itself.

But the question raised by my research for this week's edition is: Are you familiar with all of them?

Thing is, as the source above states (read the whole article if you have the time, it's very interesting!), Dixon created twelve illustrations for this novel.

And sure enough, this source from the Internet Archive and this source from @oldillustrations (hello!) both have eleven of the same illustrations - with the twelfth presumably being for the wrapper, as seen in this source (previously cited) from the Victorian Web.

Alright, so that's three separate sources, all with (effectively) the same set of elaborate illustrations from 1905. Neat!

...

...but if you start counting...

...you'll notice that this seems...

...like a lot more than twelve!

Basically, there are five illustrations by A. A. Dixon that are completely unaccounted for in any of the three sources previously cited.

For the purposes of this post, the cover wrapper is considered #0 and is not pictured in these banners.

In full-size set of illustrations in this post, this source from Google Books is the source of four of those mystery illustrations:

#3: "'He stared at her with a fearful look.'" #6: "'Drive him fast to his tomb.'" #7: "He said, 'Farewell!'" #12: "'She appeared with folded arms.'" #9 ("'Patriots and friends, we are ready!'") and #11 ("'You are consigned to La Force.'") are sourced from Google Books in the full-size versions in this post simply because the Internet Archive versions of those two illustrations had cropping issues.

To me, this is mystery enough on its own. Why would another version of the book suddenly have more than the originally-stated number of illustrations by this artist? Especially considering that the Google Books source does not have #13 ("''I know you, Evremonde!''") - why would it be missing one of the "main" set?

It gets even more interesting.

As you'll notice in the banner, we're still one off: Keen-eyed observers of the full-size set of illustrations might have already noticed that #14 ("'Carton and the spy returned.'") looks a bit different than the rest of them - a bit like what happened in the previous edition of this series!

That's because that Dixon illustration comes from this completely random source - a post from a blog called the Paperback Palette dating back to 2018 - that I happened across on Google Images of all places while sitting on an airplane trying to set up this post last week!

And to top it all off, that source is missing #6!

At this point, if your first instinct is, reasonably, that perhaps Dixon didn't actually illustrate these extra five and that it was someone imitating him for later editions, then know that that was my instinct too - until I (dare I say it again) checked those signatures!!!

(I edited the colors to prevent flashing.)

All five of those illustrations bear Dixon's signature, so it's safe to assume that they are A. A. Dixon originals - from 1905, even.

Interestingly, #s 1, 10, 13, 15, and 16 don't have signatures! Does this mean anything? Probably not - as an artist myself, I often forget to put my own signature - but still, I can't resist mentioning it!

So the most likely explanation here is simply that the publishing house originally commissioned A. A. Dixon for more than twelve illustrations and then held on to some of them, eventually choosing to publish them in other editions. Still, we can't say for sure.

And as to why some are missing from the more "complete" sets - human error, most likely!

If you scrub through the Google Books source, you'll notice that #s 11 and 12 actually repeat (one even changes color, which I have no explanation for) - it's most likely either that the book was accidentally printed with repeats of #s 11 and 12 where 13 and 14 were supposed to go or that the person scanning this edition made a similar error.

As an aside, it's so interesting that the illustrations are evenly spaced throughout the book - I had not noticed that until now!

And as for the Paperback Palette source, it's most likely that the blogger accidentally skipped over an image while combing through their edition or just glossed over it when posting the batch (I understand that from experience!) We can see this by adding up the letters in some of the illustrations' captions - doing so reveals that the letters are meant to go to P, the sixteenth letter of the alphabet.

Thus, one must be missing! Case closed!

Except... It's actually (going by both the chronology of the book and the order in which this set was found in Google Books) missing the wrong letter! Here, it seems that In the Google Books source, #7 in the full set is given the seventh letter in the alphabet, G - whereas in the Paperback Palette source, "#7" is labeled as the sixth, F:

This implies not only that #6 is absent from the Paperback Palette source but also that there is a missing mystery illustration located between this source's H and K - that is to say, before or after #9!

EXCEPT... For one, this isn't the only inconsistency I've noticed - there are several places where the letters seem shifted in a strange way. I've seen #2 listed as "C" and #9 listed both as "H" and "I2i" (???), just as two examples. (My theory is that the cover wrapper and the frontispiece may be at play here, but who knows?)

More importantly, though, it seems that, for some mysterious reason, all of the sources with relatively consistent use of these letters (i.e. all but the Victorian Web) - even the sources with only eleven interior illustrations - still give #15 in the full set the fifteenth letter, O. Which, of course, may make all of this pretty moot anyway.

Dare I say..."Oh."

Suffice it to say, just as much as major sources like the Internet Archive and Google Books are vital to this sort of research and preservation work, so are smaller websites and bloggers! After all, without the Victorian Web and the Paperback Palette, we as collective netizens likely wouldn't have ever known about the cover wrapper or illustration #14 (not to mention that the versions of the illustrations from the set posted by @oldillustrations have by far the best image quality and standardization that I've found! Please go check them out if you haven't yet!).

As for the reasons behind Collins' Clear-Type Press not publishing all of the illustrations from the beginning (if that's the explanation we're to go with here), I suppose the question I'd like to ask is:

why? why would you put us through this?

& the standard endnote for all posts in this series:

This post is intended to act as the start of a forum on the given illustrator, so if anyone has anything to add - requests to see certain drawings in higher definition (since Tumblr compresses images), corrections to factual errors, sources for better-quality versions of the illustrations, further reading, fun facts, any questions, or just general commentary - simply do so on this post, be it in a comment/tags or the replies!💫

[cerastes]

What do you make of Specter's operator record? Personally I liked it, but that's with the knowledge we're getting more Specter backstory soon.

Ok, so! Just as you pointed out, I went into it with the knowledge that:

We're getting Under TIDES soon.

Specter gets a second Operator Record later, some time after Under TIDES.

And with that in mind, I'm fine with it, but if I was a CN player and all we got was Specter's first Operator Record without any knowledge of the future, I would be pretty pissed, lmao. In fact, CN players were pretty pissed, the reception to her Operator Record was pretty bad. Specter is a popular character both in terms of gameplay and character (the latter more so in China, she gets a steady influx of cosplayers, fanart and fanfic in Weibo, Lofter, and such). It's believed that Hypergryph announced her second Operator Record because of this backlash.

Now, with the context and preamble on the table, I want to say: Great idea, not so great execution. Overall, I enjoyed it, but again, that's only with knowledge of the future. Despite that, I sincerely praise Hypergryph for actually having the balls to try a narrative approach like this one on a mobile game. The thing is, just because an idea is interesting doesn't mean it's good, and I think a lot of aspiring writers and designers need to hammer that in their head, especially armchair game designers that like to theorize oh so much about how cool it would be to have a game that did this or that. I don't care if it's cool or not, is it enjoyable to experience?

And that's just the thing with Specter's Operator Record: It felt lackluster in many regards. The approach was definitely interesting, bold, I'd even say, but that doesn't really matter too much if the result isn't a success, now, does it? Let's immediately address the Originium Slug in the room: Specter doesn't even appear in it. Now, is that an interesting approach to an Operator Record? Sure! Is it good? I don't really think so, especially with a character that fans really have been clamoring to see more of in actual cutscenes, given the wealth of clues they've put regarding Specter in other places:

Blue Poison' Files -> We learn that Blue Poison knew Specter personally before her descent to madness, addressing her with her real name.

Skadi's Dialogue -> Skadi implies that Specter was on a very important mission, and more or less confirms she knew her before she went crazy.

Several pieces of official art -> Specter is associated with the phrase "All seas are singing your name".

Ceobe's Fungimist -> It's implied the cursed painting depicting the end times is the same confusing painting Specter painted in her Token.

Rosmontis' Files -> It's confirmed that Specter's spinal cord is filed to the brim with originium fluid, and the Medical Team theorizes that, just like Rosmontis, her infection was artificially induced. It also confirms that they have no idea how Specter is able to fight such an insanely high level of infection.

So, see, this has been a character that fans have really been clamoring to see again. The only cutscene Specter's ever been is the secret cutscene of Grani and the Knight's Treasure AKA the very first event in the game. Understandably, after two years of the game existing, people were a bit miffed that once again we just get breadcrumbs and a non-participation 'appearance', to say the least, in what's supposed to be her day in the limelight.

Now, personally, I kind of get how they are handling her, and the Operator Records are a very faithful reflection of this: Specter is meant to be this mysterious force that we don't have clearance to know about, as Kal'tsit herself is the only one authorized to treat her or even enter her containment quarters. And, in this regard, I think the Records succeed:

It all starts innocently with Suzuran drawing Specter in a Secret Santa and then having to start deep diving to find out who the hell even IS Specter, because absolutely no one knows of her. Eventually, Suzuran lucks out by asking Meteorite, who did participate in a mission with Specter once, to which Suzuran immediately reacts: "Hey hold on, don't they send you on pretty dangerous missions all the time?", and Meteorite's answer is, "Yeah, and she's right at home there."

Now, this is really interesting because we, as Doctor, have some level of clearance: We know things about Specter and can even converse with her to a certain degree, because Doctor is a high authority in Rhodes Island, but the average Operator, like Suzuran, Aosta and Chiave, doesn't even know of her existence. She's one of Rhodes Island's well kept secrets, even within Rhodes Island. Even Meteorite, a veteran Sarkaz mercenary and a bombardment expert, only knows about Specter in a need-to-know basis (because they deployed once together). More telling is the fact that Meteorite doesn't think she'd get along with Specter, simply based on the fact that, just on that one operation, the level of violence and carnage brought upon by Specter unnerved even her, a Kazdel Sarkaz veteran. Well, to be precise, it's not the sheer level of destruction that Specter is capable of that unnerved Meteorite, it's the fact that she does it all seemingly without a care in the world, expressionless, soundless, simply following orders to the letter without showing or taking in a single emotion. To paraphrase Meteorite, "someone that can unleash such destruction and violence upon others so easily, and that can then just not mind it in the slightest, has something wrong and concerning going on with them, no doubt".

Next up, we also learn that Folinic has very restricted, also on a need-to-know basis access to Specter. Keep in mind that Folinic is extremely competent and not at all a stranger to danger: She handles Phantom. So this is a huge hint: There's perhaps more to the secrecy regarding Specter than just her being a dangerous, unstable element. Folinic could reasonably handle Specter professionally, but it's not about whether she can or not, it's about information, and this brings us back to Grani and the Knight's Treasure: Kal'tsit makes it clear to Skadi that Specter is, as a whole, inaccessible to everyone but her, that only she has clearance to access Specter's quarters. Keep in mind that Skadi does not operate in the same conditions, despite also being an Abyssal Hunter. In fact, it's well known that Skadi is infamous among other Operators for being unreasonable and obstructive in operations, as well as unapproachable outside of them (unless you are Grani, who managed to successfully befriend Skadi and vouches for her). There's things about Specter that are so sensitive, so important, that Kal'tsit can't risk them getting out, and even using her as an Operator is something reserved for very dangerous operations. Not even Warfarin, senior staff and Operator that's been with Rhodes Island for a very long time, has full access to Specter, but she clearly knows the importance of keeping her under curtains, given she immediately diffused the Folinic-Suzuran situation by coming up with a compromise on the spot.

There's another interesting contrast between Files and the Operator Record: Meteorite describes Specter as "dead silent". Mind you, we knew from before, thanks to Specter's Files, that the shark is completely silent in battle, but we also do know that she incoherently rambles quite a lot. Folinic sheds some light onto this, explaining that Specter intentionally stays silent most of the time so as to not say anything that could be misunderstood when around others. When she's in a more private setting, however, she does let loose with the insane talk. This is confirmation of something that had been hinted at before: Even though she's insane, there's a fervent part of her clinging onto sanity for dear life with bloodied, splintered fingers, and it manifests itself in how she'll never harm an ally, and how Specter is, to a certain degree, aware of how far gone she is, and thus keeps her mouth shut around others that aren't Doctor or Kal'tsit, so as to not spook them out or accidentally threaten them with her insane rambling.

Then, at the very end, after Suzuran managed to get her present to her, Specter does in fact deliver a thank you present back to Suzuran: A music box, consistent with Specter's love for the arts. Of course, the gift might have been chosen by a proxy of hers (Skadi or Blue Poison, both known to also enjoy music), but the message is all the same: Specter clearly appreciated the gift, and was mentioned to see an improvement in her condition after receiving the doll Suzuran gave her.

So, in paper? All of this? I love it. Of course I do, she's my favorite character, and it was such a bold way to present her Record, too, I respect them trying out new things, it managed to capture the essence of "the mysterious, terrifying fighting machine Operator they don't want us to know about that's actually a pretty sweet and decent person, just going through some really hard stuff" that they've been going for with Specter, it's just, I can also understand (and agree with) fans because... It's been two years, bwahaha, let us see her again, you know? It's her Operator Record, we've gotten some VERY good insights into the lives and days of other Operators through those, like with Angelina's or Kroos'! Of course we also wanted something like that, bwahaha.

What I would've loved, and what I think would've made it all better with fans, is if the final scene had Specter actually show up in Suzuran's room like the cryptid she is, with Suzuran noting the security door had just sort of been casually pried open, Specter's perpetual smile on her face as she's holding her thank you gift before Warfarin and Folinic just sort of storm into the room like "DUDE, WE SAID YOU CAN'T--", she thanks Suzuran wordlessly, gently hands her the music box, and then she calmly turns back and walks back to her confinement quarters.

But, yeah, I've gone on for long enough. I appreciate it overall, knowing what's coming, and I appreciate the idea, I just think they could've handled it better, but the whole essence and message of it, I think lands pretty nicely.

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: May 15th Part 2

And here’s the next part of the long answer set of the day!

When will OL: N&F take place? Beginnings and Always took place during summer breaks, will now and forever take place during a fall break or will the characters be going to school at the time of the events we play through? 

It takes place over all of the fall season, so school will be happening in OL2. Some events do take place in school, though many times events only start after school is already out for the day, haha.

Hey!! I have kind of a weird question?? I’m sorry if it’s been answered before and I just haven’t seen it but is OL 2 taking place during the same years as OL 1? I’m just curious, thank you for such amazing games!!! 

It’s a similar time frame, but not 100% exactly same.

Do you have any idea when the demo for now and forever will be available? 

Hopefully this fall! But that’s not a guarantee.

Okay the crime show in Step 2: Growing up. Long blonde hair, police station, crime series? Was it The Closer? Because I’m the same age as MC and Cove and my mom was constantly watching that when I was 13. 😂 

Haha, yeah! The Closer and, to a lesser degree, Medium were the kind of shows I was referencing there. My mom also used to watch those back in the day.

Hey um this might be an odd question but if the setting of OL: N&F is  fall/autumn, what country or city will it take because my mind tells me it is either Poland or Canada. Also I can't wait for the game I am hyped 

It’s set in the USA again. We’d like to be able to have cameos and that’s easiest to do if the OL games take place in the same country.

Is it possible for the PC of OL to have non-seriously dated other people in the in between years even if they’ve had a consistent crush on Cove? 

You can causally date Baxter in Step 3 if you get his DLC and then ultimately choose Cove in Step 4. If you mean off-screen people, it doesn’t really come up, but you can certainly headcanon that. The game never says Cove is the only partner you’ve ever had.

Is there going to be a Kickstarter for Now and Forever as well? For like voiced names and stuff again? Didn’t find B&A until after it was released and I’d really love the opportunity to hear my name in the game 🥺 

Yeah, we are gonna have a Kickstarter with getting a voiced name as a reward! Though, it will be more expensive than it was for OL1. I feel bad to raise the price but we realized too late the first time around that it was being super undersold for the amount of work it took, aha.

Do you know how much the remaining DLC for OL will cost? (Step 4, Derek, Baxter) 

Step 4: Free

Wedding DLC: $2.99USD

Derek DLC: $4.99USD

 Baxter DLC: $4.99USD

Has an artist for the new position been picked yet?! I'm super excited for the new game! 

We did fill that spot. Thank you so much for taking the time to apply!

hmmm what would it take to get each of the XOXO jerk squad to feel the need to hug you? 

They’d have to first like you a fair amount, otherwise the most you’d get is maybe a pat on the shoulder. If they were attached, they might hug you if you broke down crying or if you gave them super good news.

Unless it’s Shiloh, of course. If you want a hug you only have to ask!

May i ask how the Derek DLC will work? I believe that there aren’t any memories in step 4 and doesnt derek’s dlc take place during that step? So will the dlc add memories? Thank you! 

Derek’s DLC will add five Moments to Step 2 (a new page will appear on that screen if you get the DLC). Then in Step 4 you’ll have to choose between playing the default epilogue or going through the Derek romance story.

Is the pc version on itch,io different from the steam version? Like an offline one or something? 

Steam has achievements, but that’s about it. Both can be played offline, if you prefer.

I've been wondering this for awhile, what determines if cove winds up with a ponytail in step 3? I've done multiple runs with different MCs with varying hairstyles. Or does it have to do with a particular moment in step 2? 

I’m afraid I can’t say exact choices that determine things. But generally it’s preference based options in the Step before that decide those things.

Any Floret Bond updates? 

No, the artist had to leave the project and it’s been on-hold. I’m not sure if I want to try working just with what we have or replacing it all entirely. The design is a bit too specific for us to easily find someone who could mimic it. Hopefully we’ll work things out later, though.

In step 3 is Cove's plan always to stay in sunset bird? 

Yeah. He is never ready at 18-years-old to make a big life change.

I love your content! If it's alright to ask, you answered in a previous ask about how Jeremy was too particular with what he likes his types to be romanceable with just any MC and it's sort of got me wondering.. What /are/ his types and/or preferences and such? Sorry if it's a lot! 

Jeremy likes stubborn jerks and will not date someone who’s sweet or even generally a decent person, haha.

uh, excuse me if you said this somewhere before, but how will step 4 be actually? Will it he like an actual step and have moments and dlc and all? Or will it be more like a long epilogue of some sort?

Will the step 4, the wedding and extra routes dlcs be paid too? Im just confused, sorry if im asking too much

Step 4 is only an epilogue, so it’s just a long series of scenes one after the other rather than a collection of Moments you can choose from.

The Step 4 epilogue is free, the wedding DLC, Derek DLC, and Baxter DLC cost money.

i’m not sure how much of the wedding dlc you have planned already, or if this would be to spoilery, but what kind of wedding traditions will be included? i keep thinking about how flustered cove would get over a garter toss & was wondering if we’d see a scene like that haha. obviously no worries if it’s not included, i’ll enjoy literally anything cove related 

I don’t know for sure yet, haha. Right now we’re focused on the parts before the big day. We’ll see how many scene alterations we can include for the wedding itself later on.

Hello! Firstly, thank you for creating such an amazing game like OL, and I couldn’t be more excited for OL2! Out of curiosity, are you looking for any writers to come on for OL2 or are you all pretty much set in that department? Just thought I’d shoot my shot haha but I’m still excited regardless ^^! 

We will be hiring writers for OL2 later this year! Thank you for the interest.

Will we be blessed with a spin-off Yandere Cove, like XOXO Blood Droplets? 

Sadly, no. It’s a shame but there’s not enough time to keep making OL1 bonus/spin-off content.

How is Q pronounced?

I’m afraid Q’s full name hasn’t been publicly announced yet so I can’t answer here (Q and T are the first letters of the names for the new LIs in Our Life: Now & Forever).

Question; is the steam version getting a Mac update?  I purchased the dlc there thinking it had Mac support without realizing it and just wondered if I’d need to refund it to purchase on itch.io 😭 

I’m really sorry, you will need to get a refund from Steam. We do hope to have it there for Steam eventually, but have no idea of when it’ll happen. Apple requires special notarization to be an officially accepted app for their devices. We don’t have that. Steam requires having that, Itch will let you release it as an non-notarized third party app. That’s why Itch is the only place that has the Mac version right now.

would you mind posting outfit sheets for Cove in every step? it would make things a lot easier for us artists. it would save a lot of time spent looking for references 

I think we did do the earlier steps when they were finished way back in 2019 (this game took a long time to make, aha), but we can probably repost them sometime!

In our life n&f, will we be able to get into qprs/will there be more options in regards to having deep platonic relationships with the love interests? Because as an aroace individual, it would be great if there could also be emphasis on platonic love so that it's more aspec inclusive. 

It’s a little hard to say at this point. There may not be things like a wedding DLC for OL2 and so the relationship for platonic and romantic feelings might not go as far as it did in the first game. We’ll kind of have to see how much we can do based on timeframe/budget constraints that will only be set near the end of the year. But we will be keeping things like that in mind at least.

hi! i really really like your game and im absolutely in love with it! i cant wait to try your other games like xoxo droplet and future OL NF :))

during the step 3 erands moment i got curious, which fudge flavor is his favorite? it seems like he likes all of them, but which 4 do you think he would like best?

also i noticed that in some playthroughs cove would let me give him a piggy back ride, and in some he wouldn't, how come?

how does your choices affect cove's interests or looks? i replayed the game without changing any choices but i got cove to look different, is it just random?

thank you!

Cove’s favorite flavors are ones with nuts and that are fruity! But he appreciates them all. Whether or not you can give him a piggyback ride depends on if your MC is fit/large enough to hold a muscular 6-foot-tall beach boy, haha.

Cove’s appearance does depend on choices and it���s generally tied to choices that are preference based rather than emotion/action based, such as which key chain you pick in Step 1.

Is it possible for cove to reject MC's proposal at the end of step 3? 

Nope. He’ll always accept.

hi! i was wondering how heavily the side characters will be featured in the our life wedding dlc? obviously it'll be cove & mc focused, but i was thinking it'd be sweet if we could take lizzie dress / suit shopping or dance with cliff at the wedding or something. 

The side characters are there about as often as they are in normal events. So, it’s clearly focused on Cove but he’s not the only person you have any meaningful moments with.

When will responses be sent out to applicants? 

I’m afraid we don’t send responses out to all applications, only ones we’re interested in offering the position to. Not everyone likes rejection emails and the amount of applications is too high to contact them all to say we’re not hiring them. We post updates on the job page when a position has news. Right now we’ve filled every role that was open.

Is there also going to be the option to keep your relationships with the love interests platonic in Our Life: Now and Forever? That's something I really appreciate in Our Life: Beginnings and Always

Yeah! OL will never force you to end up in a romantic relationship with someone.

I was wondering, in the Step 3 Happiness moment, what are the different fishes Cove can compare MC to? I got "you'd be a paradise fish, because being with you is paradise," but my friend got "you'd be an angelfish." Are there more variations? 

He says paradise fish if you’re a couple, angelfish if he’s just crushing, and then a royal dottyback/queenfish/emperor tetra (based on your gender) if he likes the MC platonicly.

Hello! So, in one of the Step 3 DLCs, Cove's arm was gone. I think it was to show him putting his arm behind his back. But if that wasn't the case, did it get yeeted? 

Thanks for letting us know. That was an error we tried to fix a little while back. When did you make the save file you were playing? If it was older that might be why it happened. Or maybe the error wasn’t fully fixed after all.

Asking for your opinion, but do you think Cove would at all be into ABBA? Because all I could imagine during the car trip in step 3 was him and the MC belting to Mamma Mia. 

Haha, yeah, there’d definitely be some ABBA songs he was into.

So throughout the game, Cove can develop different interests depending on the player’s choices; does this mean that he can have different careers in Step 4? Or his is line of work in adulthood never mentioned at all? 

He can have different career paths in Step 4!

Hi!! I'm so so sorry if this has been asked before but I just acquired knowledge about the so famous nsfw dlc for OL and nearly chocked on my bubblegum 💀💀💀 So, my real inquiry is if that specific moment will have any kind of impact at some point of the fourth step OR if it will just be treated as a side-story-ish “what if” scenario.Also, is there any chance there'll be something similar for Step 4? Haha jk,,, unless 😳Questions apart let me thank you profoundly for making the best visual novel I've ever played 😭 Really really looking forward the epilogue and OL2 💕 Have a nice day 

It’s just a bonus side story that’s fully separate from the main game.

It would be nice to have one for Step 4 too, but I sadly don’t see us having time to actually do it. I don’t know, if people are still asking for more OL1 content several months from now it might be doable and worth doing.

I'd just like to ask, when is Baxter's birthday :0 -- I'm really curious esp with their zodiac signs so ;w; 

I don’t know, haha. Maybe I’ll come up with one someday.

Please help!! I bought the Step 3 DLC but I still have no idea how to get to where you can propose to Cove - any tips? 

&

How do I get the option to propose to Cove at the end of the game?

You can click HERE for a discussion on that.

I love that Miranda and Terry are getting together! I'm curious if you have canon sexualities for them? Also just wanted to say how much I love OL and how much joy it brings me everytime I play it <3 

Terry likes ladies and Miranda likes dudes!

ngl Step 4 Terry's design reads like y'all see trans guys as their assigned gender more than you see them as men to me (a trans guy)... like maybe if he isn't heavily dysphoric, I could see it, but everything you've said about him doesn't line up with that. Even then, immediate warning bells go off in my head looking at him. I wouldn't have touched the game if I saw him ahead of time.

I’m sorry you aren’t comfortable with the way the design looks. The situation with Terry is that he’s now open about who he is, but the body he was born with is still physically the same. He only came out recently as an adult and hasn’t gone through any treatments/procedures yet (his chest is flatter because he wears a binder). However, even though his body hasn’t transitioned at the point Step 4 happens, no one treats him as anything other than the guy he is. Having a trans character who’s identity is supported/respected from the start is what we’re going for in this case. But what we’re doing with Terry isn’t the only trans content we’ve ever had/ever will have in the future.

how would baxter react to bae pyoun and vice versa? and can you please detailly explain both love interests personalities from our life 2: now and forever? i was just curious, sorry for dumb question!! 

I imagine it’d be pretty opposite experiences, haha. Bae would initially think Baxter is pushy and thoughtless, but would quickly realize, oh, he’s instead a soft, considerate boy. Very cute. Baxter would first be struck with the impression that Bae is charming and gentlemanly, but then would realize that, no, he’s a sarcastic asshole. And I’m afraid we can’t reveal the personalities for the next game yet.

Sorry if you've already answered this, but I have a question about the patreon exclusive moment you're working on. I was wondering if it's mainly going to be CGs or if it's mostly character sprites + backgrounds with some CGs.

Either way, thank you for doing the Lord's work and not only making Cove, but making this bonus moment as well 😌😌😌

It’s mostly sprites/backgrounds with two CGs!

—– —– —– —–

Thank you again for the interesting questions everyone :D

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

[lomlmarvel]

As The World Caves In (Fred Weasley x fem!reader)

Summary: Song imagine based on “As The World Caves In” by Matt Maltese. We see Fred and the Reader’s relationship timeline leading up to the Battle of Hogwarts.

Word count: 3k

A/N: so sorry in advance. it’s angsty but with some fluff¿

My feet are aching

And your back is pretty tired

And we've drunk a couple bottles, babe

And set our grief aside

Fred Weasley remembered the summer after the Triwizard Tournament. It was a dark time for everyone. The days felt cold and gloomy, with a presence of death. Cedric Diggory’s death had shaken the wizarding world. No one imagined that a teenage boy would die in the first reinstallment of the Triwizard Tournament. No one imagined that a boy would die.

Many didn’t believe Harry Potter when he stated that He-Who-Shall-Be-Named was back. They thought that Harry killed Cedric in the maze and lied to cover up his cruel act. But Fred knew Harry, and he believed him. He remembered when Harry apparated with Cedric at his feet during the last challenge of the tournament. Fred’s best friend, Y/N, who also happened to be Harry’s older sister, was the first to jump out of her seat when she saw the younger Potter on the arena floor.

He remembered her screams and sobs. Sometimes at night, when it got tranquil, the painful cries sounded through his mind. The rest of that day was a blur. He remembers dragging Y/N away from her boyfriend’s corpse. Not even his dad was able to pull her out, but somehow he and George managed to ease her back from Cedric. Cedric’s dad clutched onto his body as his cries were heard from the entire audience. Dumbledore made quick to move Cedric away from the students’ prying eyes. Still, once he was able to, everyone knew what had happened.

After the term ended, Arthur had invited Y/N to stay at the Burrow over the summer. She turned of age a few days into the summer and therefore wasn’t legally bound to stay with the Dursley’s. Harry admitted that it would be best for her to take some time for herself and enjoy a stay with the Weasley’s. He assured his older sister that he would be fine alone with them.

Ginny had generously agreed to share a room with Y/N, stating that she didn’t mind at all and had wanted to spend more time with the eldest Potter. Over summer, the Weasleys tried their best to console the young teenaged girl as she grieved her former boyfriend. After a while, Molly and Arthur began to notice a change in her attitude. She seemed like she was starting to move on, and she smiled on most days. The letters between her and Harry became less consistent as the younger boy stopped replying to every message she sent.

One night, after a big dinner with the Weasleys, Y/N and Fred hung out in the field to watch the sunset. Fred had stolen a Firewhiskey bottle from his parent’s secret cabinet, and the two shared the full bottle. Fred had laid on his back to look up at the sky as the girl in front of him sat with her legs crossed. She had managed to sneak back into the house and steal another bottle as she swung a big sip of it.

“Harry stopped replying to my letters, and I think I know why,” Y/N hiccupped. She was halfway done with the bottle, and her world was upside down.

“He feels alone, I know it. He just doesn’t wanna talk to me. He thinks he’s at fault for—for what happened to Cedric,” Y/N managed to let out. Fred leaned over to take the bottle from her hands. She pouted at the loss of alcohol at her reach and waited for Fred to finish taking a sip.

“I know you’re still not over it, Y/N. You can’t lie to me. I see right through you,” Fred admitted. He had watched as his best friend had put on a show for the rest of his family. She pretended that she was okay, that she had finally accepted his death, and was ready to move on. But he could read her like an open book.

“I don’t want to talk about it. Can we talk about the shop instead?” She asked her best friend. The one who had been in love with her since he stopped thinking girls were gross. The one who had put his feelings aside in fear that she didn’t feel the same way as him. He silently watched as she dated a Ravenclaw named Mark and then Cedric. The most painful part was watching her fall in love with Cedric when he was still in love with her.

The Papers say it’s doomsday.

The button has been pressed.

We’re gonna nuke each other up, boys.

‘Til old satan stands impressed.

Fred remembers that day he and George decided to drop out of Hogwarts and pull one last prank before they left in style.

Umbridge had made Hogwarts a living hell. She had taken away everything that made school fun. The last straw was when they caught a young boy outside of her office, crying in pain because of the new scars on his forearms.

That night the twins talked about leaving Hogwarts, something that had been on their minds since Umbridge began setting rules. The following morning he met with his best friend, privately telling her the new decision he and George had decided to take. They would plan their grand exit for three days and leave just before the weekend to catch their parents by surprise.

Y/N knew that the boys had a dream job of running their own joke shop. She knew they had the talent to run a shop successfully. Hogwarts hadn’t been the same upon her return. Even though a whole summer had passed, being back on school grounds brought back memories that she wanted to push away. She spent the first few weeks crying, unable to contain the emotions she felt while the memories flooded through her head.

When Fred had told her about their plan, she asked if she could tag along. She was willing to drop out of Hogwarts to help the boys start up their joke shop. She never really knew what she wanted to do after school, but now she knew she would never get the chance at a proper education with Umbridge in charge.

Their prank coincidentally fell on an OWL’s exam. As Fred and George lit up their fireworks and flew above castle grounds for the crowd of students, Y/N filled Harry in on the details. Saying goodbye before hopping on her broom and flying away. The magical fireworks canceled exams for that day, destroying all the encased rules that Umbridge had set. The Weasley Twins left in fashion and established a loyal customer group for their new business career.

And here it is, our final night alive.

You put your final suit on

I paint my fingernails.

Oh, we’re going out in style, babe.

Harry, Hermione, and Ron were on a mission to destroy all of Voldemort’s Horcruxes. The Order of the Phoenix, now joined by Fred, George, and Y/N, kept themselves on a low radar. After the attack at Fleur and Bill’s wedding, they needed to remain alive and safe. Fred and George continued to open their shop and operate like a regular business. The Ministry began to arrest Muggle-born witches and wizards, causing the wizarding world to fog up in the presence of an incoming war.

The death eaters and Ministry were hunting the Golden Trio, but no one knew where they were. Y/N laid awake one night, staring up at the ceiling as she thought about her younger brother out in the world fighting to end this war, as she laid in a warm bed in the arms of her boyfriend.

She thought about her journey to where she had gotten. After leaving Hogwarts with the twins, they were met with an angry and disappointing speech given by Molly to the three of them. After discussing the joke shop idea and showing Molly all the work and thought they had put into it, she knew her children were following their dreams, something she had taught all of them.

As the weeks went on, Y/N started to realize that she was beginning to feel better. Moving into a small flat with her best friends and starting up a new business gave her time to start doing something in her life. She no longer grieved Cedric. Before, he was a painful memory that she couldn’t even think about without crying herself to sleep. Instead, he became a memory that warmed Y/N’s heart whenever she thought about him. They had had a generous and loving relationship, and he was no longer in the world. It still hurt that he was gone. But the world kept spinning, and if she didn’t start to keep up, it would leave her behind.

After a few months, she began to notice something different about Fred. There had always been something she felt with the way he looked at her. It was like if he was feeling real joy whenever they shared looks. She had always felt the pit in her stomach whenever he put his arm around her or made a flirty comment, but that was Fred. He was casually flirty and had always been that way. But because he was her best friend, she had pushed away those feelings to the back of her mind. However, they lived and worked together, and the emotions she was feeling for Fred only began to grow.

She couldn’t remember how it had happened. But on a night out after drinking, the two laid in their living room and drunkenly confessed their feelings. Things led to another, and the two had finally kissed after years of being in love.

“Hey, is everything alright, love?” Fred’s groggy voice took Y/N out of her thoughts. She turned to see her sleepy boyfriend staring at her figure.

“Yeah, I’m just worried. Harry managed to send me a message with the fireplace the other day. I didn’t want to alert you or George, so I let your father know,” Fred sat up to comfort his girlfriend as the tears began to build up in her eyes. “They’re headed to the Lovegood’s for help. That’s all he was able to tell me. He just wanted any one of us to know.”

“They’ll be fine. Those three have managed to survive and defeat any obstacle set in their way. They’ll be alright,” Fred assured her. She nodded and leaned to rest on his chest as he comfortingly soothed her arm.

And everything’s on sale.

We creep up on extinction.

I pull your arms right in

I weep and say goodnight, love.

No one had heard anything from Harry, Hermione, or Ron. No one wanted to admit anything, but they hoped that they were all safe and alive. For the past two days, tensions had been high with the Ministry and the Order. A close watch was being held on previous order members.

Molly and Arthur advised Fred, George, and Y/N to close up the shop and travel to the Burrow to be with the family. They had rejected their offer, stating that during dark times was when they were needed the most. They had to keep hope running, even if it meant keeping their joke shop open. But as the days got colder and darker, fewer people traveled through Diagon Alley, forcing the three to close shop and travel back home.

Molly and Arthur received them with broad smiles and open arms. The relieved hugs that they offered were not hidden insight as their worries faltered. It was nice to see their sons’ faces again and welcome in Y/N once again. She, Harry, and Hermione had already become part of the family, and it was nice to know that they would have company for the next few days.

“Mum loved the Muggle cookbook you gifted her. She was showing me some of the recipes earlier; she was excited for me to try some of her favorite dishes,” Fred explained as the two got ready for bed.

During the rebuilding of the Burrow, Molly and Arthur had received tremendous help from Harry and Y/N. They offered to help rebuild the Burrow. Molly and Arthur had at first refused to take money from them. Still, the Potters agreed that they deserved so much more, and they were doing it to return the hospitality and love the Weasleys had given them for years.

The Burrow rooms were now more prominent; with only Ginny living at home, they didn’t need as many rooms to fit their children. This resulted in two guest rooms that were occupied by George and, in the other, Fred and Y/N.

“Yeah, we baked a recipe earlier for your dad, who loved it. If you and George would’ve finished clearing the garden from gnomes faster than you did, then you might’ve been able to try the dessert before your dad ate it all,” Y/N chuckled at the memory of Arthur not resisting the temptation to finish the entire batch of brownies.

The two settled into the bed and cuddled up against each other—the quiet of the night set in as the two laid wide awake.

“I love you; you know that, right?” Fred broke through the silence. His voice calmed Y/N down. She relaxed in his arms and nodded.

“I love you, too,” she replied, pressing a kiss to his chest.

“I know you’ve been feeling anxious lately, and I just wanted to let you know that I’ll keep you safe,” Fred whispered. Y/N felt his grip on her tighten a bit before he relaxed against her skin. “Tonight, tomorrow, and every day after that. I’ll be by your side.”

“I love you, Freddie. Goodnight,” Y/N leaned up to kiss him goodnight as the older twin laid wide awake till the early hours of the morning.

And here it is, our final night alive.

And as the earth runs to the ground.

Fred and Y/N walked through the sea of Hogwarts students, offering aid to whoever needed it. As Harry, Hermione, and Ron delegated roles to Dumbledore’s Army; the Order worked to protect the castle in whatever way possible.

As they waited for the inevitable arrival of Voldemort and the Death Eaters, the twins rested against the hall bridge fence that overlooked the grand entrance and the great hall. They spent years finding the knicks and knacks of the medieval castle. At some point, these walls were victims to their pranks and were filmed with memories of laughter of students and causally professors. It had been their second home for years.

“Remember when Filch ran into that wall after he was the test subject for the first successful boxing telescope,” George asked his older brother, pointing to a brick wall by the grand entrance.

“You two tried the daydream charm on me when I was walking down those stairs,” Y/N pointed out as she joined the twins on the upper levels. The twins erupted in a small chuckle. That day they had caused Y/N to score detention with Snape after she had fallen to their prank during Potions.

The three mellowed in their silence. They tried to enjoy the memories that appeared in their heads, but all that they could think of was that they were going into a battle. A battle that they had no assurance to come out of alive.

“It was a pleasure, mates,” Fred jokingly stated, causing the two people at his side to shove him playfully.

“I would do it all over again with you two,” George added.

“Me too,” Y/N stated. The three looked at each other in gratitude and with love.

Oh, it’s you that I lie with

Yes, it’s you I welcome death with

As the world, as the world caves in

George laid defeatedly against the ground. He had stopped crying hours ago. The aftermath of the battle consisted of a mixture of emotions. They had won, but they had also lost.

George leaned over to soothe the back of the woman still clutching onto his brother’s dead body. Arthur had tried everything to pull Molly away from the body of their deceased son, but he had had no success. Just like Ron had failed to remove Harry from the grip he held on his sister’s corpse.

The two had fought together till the end. Successfully deflecting hexes and curses sent by death eaters, until they were ambushed and both lost their lives protecting their loved ones. They hadn’t died instantly. Y/N and Fred laid on the clock tower grounds, staring into each other’s eyes with their hands intertwined and held on tightly until they both shared a mental and mutual decision to let go. The fallen heroes of the Battle of Hogwarts were never forgotten, but it never stopped hurting. 

Fred Jr. nervously walked through the castle grounds at night, whispering lumos to guide him through the dark. It was his first time trying to sneak into the kitchen after curfew, having heard that many students managed to do it successfully. He had been lost for the past ten minutes, and his worst fear was being found by the groundskeeper or a professor. His small body turned cold when he heard a voice in the back of him.

“I think the kitchen is that way,” Fred Jr. turned around to see a familiar face. Only that she didn’t look exactly the way he had seen her. Her pictures hung in his house and at his grandparents and uncle’s house. Her grey appearance didn’t frighten him but instead made him feel at home. 

“It’s never too late for a midnight snack, don’t you think, Y/N?” Another voice sounded through the dark hall. Fred Jr. spun around to see another ghost, one that looked a lot like his father. 

“Never, Freddie. So, how about we help Fred Jr. here find the kitchen?” Y/N responded, flying down to meet Fred Jr.’s level. 

“Are you sure we won’t get caught, Aunt Y/N?” Fred Jr. asked, tightly holding his wand. 

“With us? You have nothing to worry about,” Y/N replied smiling widely at the young Weasley. A smile broke out on his lips, and he followed after the two ghosts.

[askmerriauthor]

Star Wars: Visions thoughts and discussion

Been on a bit of a Star Wars binge lately. Getting ready for the Book of Fett and the return of The Mandalorian soon, just finished playing the Jedi: Fallen Order game, and recently "Star Wars: Visions" dropped on Disney+ (not to be confused with the, like, half-dozen other Star Wars properties that use "Visions" as their title). If you've got the streaming service and haven't watched the series yet, I can honestly suggest you should do so. The whole thing is a series of very short episodes and is entirely non-canon to the setting, so you don't even need a hard understanding of Star Wars to enjoy it.

In fact, it's actually better if you don't know anything about Star Wars going in. Spoilers and brief episode discussion after the jump.

Episode 1: The Duel As soon as I saw a lightsaber umbrella and a R2 droid in a hat, I knew this one was going to be a must-watch.

I REPEAT. LIGHTSABER. UMBRELLA.

Solid kick-off for the short series. Dig the aesthetic, dig the classic samurai vibe (even if it's more of an homage than a direct application of the style), dig the simple story. The particular animation style they chose here was a little wonky but I quickly got used to the visuals and loved a bunch of the design choices too much to care. This one was very action/style-focused and clearly chosen as the leading episode for that reason, which I don't fault them at all for.

Episode 2: Tatooine Rhapsody I'm sorry, I don't recall giving Star Wars permission to be this fucking adorable, how dare you.

The tale of a Padawan survivor of Order 66 who makes a new life for himself not with the power of the Force, but with the power of Rock and Roll and Friendship. Bitchin'. Super adorable, semi-chibi art style that's honestly ringing, like, a dozen different bells in my head for trying to figure out all the different styles it's drawing from. Good fun, if a bit bland in the end. The biggest problem is the music. The story relies on "using music to save the day", which is fine. But when you use that trope you need an absolutely face-melting banger of a performance, which this just doesn't have. An enjoyable entry all the same though. Not bad, not great, cute designs; the quirky story of how Jabba the Hutt got a new slave band to play at his den.

Episode 3: The Twins This entire episode is animated by the team who brought us Kill la Kill and that should really tell you everything you need to know.

You know how if you get a bunch of little kids together, they'll start playing make-believe games where they just invent stories and plot twists and super powers like "I have whatever you can do, but infinity plus 1 better!" shit like that? That's what this short is. It has only the vaguest allusions to the setting proper and immediately hurls every semblance of consistency, logic, and sense out the window with both hands. It is 1,000,000% style over substance.

Okay, y'know what, no, that's not enough to describe the utter insanity this episode is. All I can find online is pictures of the main villain character pulling a General Grievous impression or the protag snaring lightsaber whips on his lightsaber, but that is fucking tiddlywinks compared to where this episode goes.

There is a scene in this short where the protag, who is ghost-riding the hood of his X-Wing upside down in space without a space suit, super-charges his lightsaber into a giant rainbow of FUCK YOU GEORGE LUCAS with the power of familial love and fabulousness, using said rainbow super saber to CUT AN ENTIRE STAR DESTROYER IN HALF WHILE ACCELERATING TO HYPERSPEED, all to save his twin sister's life by making her explode in a somehow non-harmful manner.

This short is utterly nonsensical drivel and yes I would like more right the fuck now, please and thank you.

Episode 4: The Village Bride Wait, we're actually trying to tell a reasonable story in this series? Sorry, I was still on a sugar high from the previous episode. Lemme sit down.

The Village Bride is great. Excellent short that's just dripping with atmosphere and a slow, purposeful pace to its writing. It's short and sweet with little focus on the Force-using characters themselves, which actually serves to its credit. Even in the Star Wars universe, the Ainu people can't catch a fucking break. Easily one of my favorites in the whole run.

Episode 5: The Ninth Jedi The fact that two characters in this short have Sasuke's haircut was extremely distracting. But I actually really enjoyed this entry overall.

Despite playing extremely loose with the established lore around how lightsabers work, this episode over all others really embraces the original setting and tells a slow-burn story about the potential revival of the Jedi Order. A little meandering at times, but it's a solid piece and well worth exploring. Of all the shorts in the series, this one has the greatest potential to actually continue on as a standalone series or be folded into the canon franchise. Main protag is an adorable bean and I love her.

Episode 6: T0-B1 This episode is simultaneously a love letter to Astro Boy and a giant middle finger to Star Wars lore purists.

The tale of an imaginative Droid named T0-B1 who dreams of becoming a hero like the Jedi he's heard so many stories of. This short gets extra credit for being so unyieldingly stylish and charming. On the surface of its presentation and story choices it seems like it doesn't know anything about Star Wars lore, but it's actually packed full of some pretty deep cuts that show the folk behind it do know what they're talking about and just don't fucking care what purists have to say. The entire thing is just "Yeah, I'm ignoring your lore, but I'm doing it in a fun way that makes the setting more interesting, and I'm so genuine about it that you can't be mad at me". I can respect that. Plus the old dude in that screenshot is an armless Jedi who's retired to be a botanist and that's just fucking cool.

Episode 7: The Elder I'm Episode 1, but better.

This one. This shit right here. This is the good shit.

I'm sure y'all have heard before that Star Wars is directly inspired by Kurosawa and samurai films in general, but The Elder really digs into that hard. Where Episode 1 styles itself after a samurai tale, Episode 7 is a samurai tale. Subdued, methodical storytelling, slow-burn pace, charming dialogue amid believable characters, and a truly intimidating villain who provokes a brief but striking duel. This is my vibe. I crave more of this. Far and away the best short of the entire series.

Episode 8: Lop and Ocho Oh for fuck's sake, there's going to be so much porn of this bunny girl character, isn't there?

This entry is another that kind of meanders with the story it's trying to tell and plays very loose with the lore. It reimagines a lot of what we know of the Jedi/The Rebels and Sith/The Empire into a feudal faction-based conflict akin to what you'd see in a period samurai drama. Modernization and callous industry crushing the spirit of the people and breaking apart families. A decent work overall, but nothing really all that impressive in the end. It takes too long to get going and then peters out halfway through its pay-off for some reason.

Episode 9: Akakiri The fact that I had to look up this episode's name and scenes online and still could not remember anything about it should tell you a lot.

The series ends on a downer with the dramatic tale of a fallen Jedi who sacrifices himself and succumbs to the Dark Side. Turning evil for... the greater good? Wha? Had some pretty neat visuals, but I genuinely cannot remember a damn thing about this episode or its characters. Big swing and a miss in terms of impact.

[madame-fouquet]

2020 Anime Retrospective

With the end of the year here, and all the anime that came with it now behind us, I feel like looking back and reminiscing on it. So, following the style of ANN's own yearly retrospectives, may I present my 2020 anime in review! Enjoy.

Best of the year: Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken

    This is actually not the first time Yuasa and his crew of, let's be honest, visionaries have rolled something special out right at the beginning of the year in some weird power move against everything else that has to follow it. They did it back in 2018 with Devilman Crybaby, and then they hit us this year with Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken.     You ever have one of those shows where you're just constantly in awe of everything it does? Where you never found yourself chasing merch or hunting after content based off it online, but you consistently find yourself thinking about it? Yeah, that's what Eizouken did to my brain after I watched it. It was such an earnest love letter to anime and anime production, to animation in general, that I couldn't help but get sucked into its imagination and enthusiasm. The way it was able to so perfectly illustrate that pure, boundless, childlike joy that one can derive from the simple act of creating, I'd be lying if I didn't say that it had a powerful effect on my own desire to continue creating. (Corny as that sounds, it's true.) The sheer amount of love it contains, and the equal amount it puts out into the world make it so I know I am going to be thinking about it again and again for a long long time.

Runner-up: Akudama Drive

    I don't know if it's really quite a matter of my two favorites being opposites, but there are definitely some pretty sharp stylistic and tonal differences between my two top shows this year. Akudama Drive's cocaine-fueled bender of an intro episode made it very clear what it's intentions were and what it wanted us to be prepared for. That doesn't mean I had ANY idea of where it was headed narratively, but I did know I was in for one hell of a ride. And it delivered is spades on that promise.     The twists and turns, no matter how insane, illogical, or steeped in tropes they were, were all such a colorful energetic spectacle that it would be hard to hold anything against the series. Every character was such a force that I didn't really consider any of them a weak point. Yeah, some of them were more or less cardboard cut-outs of antagonistic elements, but when the cardboard cutout looks REALLY FREAKING COOL, it's hard to get too torn up over the details. It's a show that oozes style and knew EXACTLY what it wanted to do and be, and I have to respect that.

Runner-up-up: Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun

    The next few entries aren't really in any sort of order, I actually found it near impossible to sort anything below my top two. Hanako-kun however does hold a bit of a special place for me though because, at least from a stylistic standpoint, it hits so many of my buttons. Just visually this show is the exact kind of thing my younger self would have latched onto immediately, even before knowing anything about the actual content. I suppose not much has really changed though.     I'm absolutely in love with the animation style of Hanako-kun, and I got really lucky that there is an interesting story and delightful cast of characters underneath that visual splendor. Along with the sharp lines, intense colors, and soft characters, I'm also a sucker for contemporary supernatural mysteries. That's a fancy way of saying one of my favorite shows as a kid was The X-files, but both make the point pretty well. The world of Hanako-kun has a lot to offer, and I can only hope it gets a second season so we can continue to delve into it's beautiful and terrifying mysteries.

Runner-up-up: Kaguya-sama: Love is War Season 2

    I know a lot of people will be talking about this one when it comes to “Best of” lists. I know a lot of people were talking about the first season when it reminded us just how funny anime can be back in 2018. Absurd high school comedies (Is that a genre?) could definitely be considered my favorite. Hell, of my top five favorite anime of all time, THREE of them fall under that category. So believe me when I say Kaguya-sama absolutely deserves the deluge of praise it receives. For what describing something as “laugh out loud” is worth, this show had me constantly needing to pause it just so I could finish laughing at whatever ludicrously funny misfortune had just befallen it's cast of lovable morons.     The thing is though, Kaguya-sama understands that you can't just earn love and goodwill on laughs alone, there needs to be a beating heart at the center of all the shenanigans. And when this season had me actually cheering on and feeling sorry for Ishigami of all people, I knew that beating heart was present and accounted for. Look, the cast are all self-centered idiots, but I'll be damned if they aren't also my dear children who I delight in watching slowly grow and become slightly less self-centered idiots.

Runner-up-up: Dorohedoro

    When the Dorohedoro anime was first announced, a lot of my experience was watching a group of people online scream about how they were so pumped that it was finally getting an anime. I had never heard of it before, but the excitement was very real and tangible. And I gotta say, sometimes you need to believe the hype.     I've never been one to shirk a series just because it was CG animation, (Watch ID-0 dammit!) but Dorohedoro makes a strong case for why people shouldn't sleep on something based solely on it's animation. The dirty, grease-encrusted world of Hole is brought to life with plenty of flair and style that, I feel, the CG didn't hold back at all. What I had seen said was that for a long time Dorohedoro was kinda considered “unanimateable” but I think MAPPA did the iconic manga a fair amount of justice. Even if pulpy ultra-violence isn't normally your thing, I still highly recommend giving Dorohedoro a look, it might just end up being a hole worth going down.

Honorable Mention: Show By Rock!! Mashumairesh!!

    I know what you're thinking, but hear me out. The first Show By Rock!! was definitely an indulgence for me. While not something I considered a high level series by any stretch: messy plotting, shallow characters, a weird isekai angle, a lackluster finale, and an even MORE lackluster second season, it still got is hooks into me with its sheer energy and fluffy charm. So despite the, as mentioned, rough second season, I was more than happy to check out the new series in the franchise. And boy was I glad I did.     Mashumairesh!! takes all the heart and sweetness that worked for the first series and dials it up. It then took a hard look at a lot of what DIDN'T work in the first series, and manages to fix most of the issues. Removing the isekai angle and the whole existential threat thing, and just letting the series be a “slice-of-life but in an electric animal filled music world” did wonders for the direction and consistency. Add to that more properly fleshed out characters, and you get a series that is far stronger than it's progenitor.     The next series, Show By Rock!! Stars!!, will be adding back the cast from the first series, and that could very well be a sign that it will be falling back into its old habits, but the presence of the Mahumairesh!! girls gives me hope that it might have a chance of staying the new, far better course.

Worst of the Year: Digimon Adventure:

    This one really hurts to say. What hurt more was how quickly I knew what show I'd be electing for this position. One thing to clarify is that I would not nominate a series that I'd only watched one or two episodes of, that's just not fair. So the award was bound to go to something I had at least dedicated a decent amount of my time too. And in any other year this may have gone to something that was more my “least favorite” or had an ending that disappointed me. But unfortunately I have to be honest and sit here and tell you that the newest entry in the Digimon franchise was easily the worst thing I watched this year.      I have been a long time Digimon fan. Ever since I was but a wee lass watching the original Digimon Adventure premiere on Fox Kids at a family reunion, I have always considered the franchise a sort of cornerstone of my anime fandom. So please understand the excitement I had felt when I found out they were doing a full on remake of that flagship series. Imagine how absolutely pumped I was when the bombastic movie-like premiere of Digimon Adventure: wowed us with everything it delivered, and all the promises of what was to come. And then imagine my disappointment, my despair as the show devolved until it showed us what it really was during the finale of the Fake Tokyo arc.     I would call it a production meltdown, but considering the precedent that got set back in episode 10 during the already shaky Ultimate Evolution arc, has been so clearly informing everything up to the current episodes in the early 30s, I have to be honest with myself and admit: this is what we were going to get all along from day one.     All of the heart that had made the original series so endearing, despite its own flaws, just isn't present here. What you get here is just a non-stop (and I mean non-stop) string of barely related fights with poorly-defined stakes, or sometimes no real stakes at all. It's just one ugly set piece fight after another as the children chase after vaguely implied evils. I think the most damning thing is how much more I could say about just how much this series has let me down. Like I said, this one hurts.

Best Theme-Song of the Year: Night Running (BNA)

     My opinion of BNA as a series is complex. But my opinion of its ED, Night Running, is simple: Its a god-damned bop! I could spend this whole section talking about the artistry of the ED animation itself, its fun and creative use of color, the slight variations for certain episodes, the focus on character, or the fact that it was done by an American animation team. I could even talk about the song's importance to the series as a whole and its place in the narrative. I won't though. The fact of the matter is that even without all that, I STILL probably would've picked Night Running as my best of the year because as a song it is just that much my jam. This is the kind of shit I could listen to on repeat for hours, days, weeks, and still keep coming back to it. Don't get me wrong, Ready To is a damn powerful and catchy tune that goes hard, but at the end of the day, I'm a sucker for a soulful pop tune like Night Running. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWTFfEnMCCc

Best Character: Sayaka Kanamori

    This was actually probably the hardest category for me to decide on. It was stuck hard between Eizoken's Kanamori and Akudama Drive's Doctor. I know those are a powerfully different pair in basically every way, but it was specifically for their startling differences that both characters stuck out to me so much. In the end though, it was the poignant rounding out of, and emotional hooks of Kanamori's character that let her triumph over her delightfully two-dimensional opposition.     Kanamori already had me from episode one. In a show that I wasn't really worried about the usual diversions of anime ingestion like picking a favorite character, Kanamori sealed herself as “Best-girl” from the word go. I have mad respect for a girl who knows what she wants, and has a clear idea of how she's going to go about getting it (See also: Doctor.) But Kanamori was more than a driving desire for success and money. Underneath her unstoppable ambition there was a very real, very relatable driving impetus. She stood apart, and yet still believably vulnerable and invested in the people she associated with. It was always a blast watching her suffer as the only thing keeping the more creative minds on track, and yet she was never reduced to a simple task master; her love and respect for her friends was always clearly visible. I could go on and on about how Kanamori is a nearly perfect character, but I hope I've said enough already without having to resort to senseless rambling.

Best Moment: Howan confesses her feeling to Himeko (Show By Rock!! Mashumairesh!!)

    By the time episode six rolled around, Mashumairesh!! had already shown marked improvements over its progenitor in basically every area. Not only was the story in a better place by focusing on what had worked in the original series, (Ya know the BAND part of this show about bands) but the cast was also doing a good job of standing out from their seniors and feeling more equally rounded out. Where the original series had just kinda been the Cyan show with guest stars, I felt like I had an actual grip on all four of the main girls now.     There were however the usual issues that come with a cute-girls-doing-cute-things series, chief among them the “ambiguously gay member of the group who constantly reacts with clear romantic interest towards the main protagonist but the writing will never actually do anything with those feelings” trope. Retoree had spent the better part of the first two seasons fawning over Cyan only for nothing to come of it and, despite the increased focus on all of the girls this time around, it looked like we were going to get the same old song and dance with Himeko's feelings towards Howan.     But then the climax of episode six hit and, midst a really intense subplot about Himeko's abandonment complex, Howan comes out with a straight up love confession. And I kept waiting for the usual dead-ends these moments always seem to have. The “I love you! I love the girls too! I love the band!” Or a “I love being with you.” and the dreaded, “I love having you as my most precious friend.” But none of that happened. It was a full on heart-felt, “I love you, Himeko. I want to stay with you forever!” I'm just not used to getting that sort of straightforwardness from my silly little band shows, so I was shocked, but also completely overjoyed. And frankly the series just kept getting better from there.     The evolution of their relationship built off that moment, no dreaded resetting of the status quo. I daresay it was on the power of this moment alone that I wanted to include this series in my top five at all. If there was anything I would want other anime to take from Mashumairesh!! it's that it's okay to introduce radical changes to character relationships partway through a season, and it's okay to let characters unequivocally state their feelings for each other. People will respond positively to that earnestness, I promise.

[rq-s]

Title: Falling Down 

Pairing: Xu Minghao / NB!Reader

Genre: Light Angst & Platonic OR Romantic

Word Count: 2.9k+

Warnings: None. However, I do interpret the timeline and meaning of his lyrics loosely. I can’t and don’t claim that it’s the “correct” way to do so; he wrote it to be ambiguous for a wide audience to enjoy. Please watch the Falling Down Making Film for clarity.

Credits: ENG Translation of Falling Down 

Summary: You and Minghao have been consistent penpals since 2004, sharing each other’s cultures, languages, passions, and lives as you both grew up. 2014 came around and letter from him only came in 4 times, and only 1 in 2015. The last this you ever heard from him read he was a bird in a cage.

Notes: Italic = letter  ... = omitted letter content 

My Masterlist

Spring 2004

“How about this one, honey?” Mom handed me a postcard from a spot on the rack that I couldn’t reach. The large font caught my attention and told me it was a landscape picture of the closest national park. Though nothing in the picture was recognizable, it reminded me of camping, which made me smile despite having never been before.

“Sure.” Was all I said, and I followed her as she pushed our full shopping cart to the register and began chatting with the cashier.

Like usual, I quickly put the postcard on the conveyor belt along with the groceries. As soon as it was empty, I went to the bagging station and put the scanned and bagged items back into the cart. Making sure to the boxes and cartons together neatly like Tetris, careful not to squish the bread.

“What a diligent little kid you have!” The cashier spoke, her voice worn with age, but with a sense of joy that reminded me of a stereotypical grandmother.

“She always says I do it wrong.” Mom joked, smirking at me. She never did let go of my “If you want it done right, do it yourself.” attitude I had even as a kid.

 Mom finished paying, and we went put into the chilly morning air of the parking lot that was made even colder by the shadow of the supermarket. I once again moved the bags from the cart to the trunk and brought the cart to the nearest drop off spot while Mom started the car.

The ride home was mostly silent, save for the sound of the road beneath the wheels and the hum of the heater.

“Thanks for letting me do the penpal thing, Mom.”

“You’re welcome, but remember the deal; you get more chores to do. You’re 7 years old now, you can handle doing the dishes by yourself, right?” The tone of her voice was completely serious, but I couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’ve been helping with the dishes for years, and I’ve learned from the best. I’ve got this!”

 When we got home, I scoured the bags for that postcard, and luckily it was only bent on one corner. I wrote down bit of info about that park - whatever Google told me, and set it aside. I grabbed the template application from my school binder and filled in the blanks. 

Hello! My name is _____________, I’m __ years old, and I am from ________! I am learning Mandarin, but I’m still a beginner. I hope to learn more about your culture and language as we exchange letters!

For now, I will tell you a bit about myself. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Along with this letter is a postcard and other information about where I am from!

I hope to hear from you soon!

Signed,

_____________

It was a pretty basic template that we had to copy from, and in retrospect, it was cringy as all heck, but it had to be formatted juuust right and follow the guidelines exactly, or the penpal program admin’s wouldn’t accept it.

From what I was told, someone from China who’d also applied and been approved would be paired with me, based on age and interests. Only this first letter was prewritten. Once we were paired up, the letters themselves and the mailing of them was up to me and my family. 

I was lucky I got a match at all, most of the kids in my class didn’t. I learned pretty quickly why: I was the only one who put “dancing” as an interest.  

Summer 2007

...

This was a frog I found at the lake! Mom got mad that I touched it, and when it jumped out of my hands and back into the water, it got mud all over us!! 

Later we had a barbecue and some other campers came buy, but their kids were teenagers and didn’t wanna play with me, so here is a picture of me pouting in the tent instead of having fun. 

...

This is the last one, when we finally got home from the long car ride. we all were sunburned really bad, but it looks like you can see freckles on my face because of it! 

Whenever either of us would go on trips, even just to the water park or to a festival, we’d take Polaroid pictures to send. Most the earlier pictures Minghao sent were of him at tournaments, then they turned into selfies from after dance practice. It wasn’t until they were in their teens that he began to take more artsy pictures, with the occasional selfie thrown in. He’d always put at least one polaroid in each envelope, and photography quickly became one of the many things he excelled at. 

Winter 2010

…

And I still can’t believe you were on TV!! Twice!!! All these letters… I can use them as blackmail someday when you’re a superstar! Muahah!!

I’m not nearly as good as you still, but Miss Lilly says my footwork has gotten a lot better! I wish you could teach me, but words don’t have the same effect as seeing it. I doubt I’d get it even if you tried to explain… and don’t even think about trying to teach me any martial arts, my brain will melt!!

…

My letters were always a bit longer than Minghao’s, and were full of run on sentences and unorganized thoughts. He was always clear and concise, yet sensitive. He always gave strong and encouraging advice on my Mandarin, but my English tips barely seemed to help him. I always cared more about getting to know him and telling my own stories than about practicing. Though, I don’t know what stories I had worth telling as a 13 year old. We contrasted each other a lot, and Mom said it made us a better fit for each other.

It wasn’t a weekly thing, but we always wrote when we could and has a steady back and forth. Sometimes the envelopes were thick, with many pages, postcards, candies, cool leaves or rocks we’d found, songs we had been listening too; things we cared about and wanted to share. But sometimes they were thin, barely a page long, with hastily written characters and a sincere apology. Both made me smile the same just the same – both showed how much he cared.

 Spring 2012

Perhaps it was because we were the same age, and despite not meeting, had spent so much time together. He somehow always understood me, and never made jokes when I was opening up about the less fun sides of life. He went at his own pace, and it took quite some time, but he eventually felt comfortable doing the same.

…

I’ve worked so hard for this, I know I’m capable, but I’m genuinely terrified. But I’m excited, too. I feel so overwhelmed and I don’t feel like I can tell anyone, they’ll worry, or they’ll tell me I shouldn’t do it.

I want to try. I want to be on that stage and in that tournament and I want to come out having earned something.

…

 Fall 2012

 Congratulations!! Now I can brag that I know THE Xu Minghao who won 8th at a WORLD DANCE COMPETITION!!!! I knew you’d do great. Yeah, you were nervous, but your hard work showed through!

As soon as I read the news online, I was so happy. Eight is a good number, right? I think It suits you. Even when you're laying down, you have infinite potential! That’s you, Xu Minghao, Number 8, my best friend.

Come to think of it, it's been about 8 years since we met, hasn’t it? it must be some sort of prophecy!!! Haha I’m kidding, but seriously… That’s more than half our lives. We’ve spent knowing each other half of the time we’ve even been on this Earth!

I’m really glad I know you, Minghao. I’d be lonely without your letters, I think. I hope I make your days brighter, like you make mine. I hope we never forget about each other.

 It was rare for me to get so sentimental, but he needed someone to be his fan, and I wanted to be the best fan of Xu Minghao I could be. Not to say I was the first, like I would joke about doing, but because he deserves it. I knew it from the way he talked about training, that he’d make himself a star someday, no matter what.

Because of this, though, it was this letter and onward that we stopped doing the copies and corrections. I noticed myself missing his teasing marks on my papers, or the cheeky smiley faces he’d draw when I did well. We stopped sending trinkets and polaroids too, so each envelope felt a lot emptier.

 Spring 2013

I’m really going to Korea now… The flight is in a few days, I’ll send you another letter from the new address as soon as I get there, so please wait for it!

…

I had bad dreams back then, about how things would be different, slower and distant. His letters were a significant part of my life, and I was afraid to lose that. Yet I was surprised he was even allowed to keep sending me letters. Retrospectively thinking though, it wasn’t like he wasn’t allowed to write to his family.

Was I like family to him back then?

 Winter 2013

I’m sorry for not writing you back sooner. The company has been really busy with Seventeen TV starting. I’ve been practicing a lot, I barely have time to eat or sleep, let alone sit down and write. There’s barely anyone around who knows Mandarin, and I’m still just learning how to make sentences in Korean, and they call me Myungho… Those who I can talk to are all boys, but they’re my friends, and possible group members, so I shouldn’t mind.

I miss your handwriting. Sometimes I reread our old letters, and notice that we’ve changed so much. But I keep every memory, did you know that?

I always feel better quickly. When I think about being on a stage, having fans singing with us and cheering for me… It makes me so happy that I cry, sometimes. But then I can’t help but think, “Will it ever be me? Or will I just dream of being there, and someone else will get the chance?”

That’s usually when I find one of your letters. The one you sent on my birthday a couple months ago, that you sprayed with that citrus scent? It’s my favorite, I relax so much when I read it. It reminds me of home, somehow.

I’ll try to write more often, I’m sure you’ve been patiently waiting. Let’s exchange pictures again, it’s been a while, right? I just really miss you.

 Was he like family to me? No… I think, back then at least, it was something special for me.

Summer 2014

Hey! I haven't heard from you since April! I miss you a lot, but I know you must be really busy. I’ve been trying to watch the previous Seventeen TV episodes when I can, the other boys seem funny and nice. I hope they all take care of you, like you say Junhui has been.

I’m always wishing you sweet dreams, I worry about how you’ve been. I wish I’d have asked for your phone number or email or something before, but now that you’re so busy and under a big company… I just hope these letters and postcards reach you well.

…

Fall 2014

…

Also, they’ve been saying I’ll qualify to be on SeventeenTV soon. The others are hoping it’s a sign that we’ll get to debut soon. You’ll watch it, right?

Things are looking bright for me and my brothers here, but I can’t help but feel full of dread. I can’t pinpoint why. Junhui said it might be stage fright, but I don’t feel afraid.

I know they all support me, and I support them, but I feel like I might disappear, and not even you would remember me. I know its not true but it’s what I’m feeling.

…

Winter 2014

I SAW YOU!! I watched it as soon as it released, I didn’t understand what most of them were saying without English subtitles, but I could understand you, and I saw you! I’m so proud of you Minghao, you’re an official member of Seventeen!! You’ve been working so hard, I’m sure you’re exhausted. Please try and take time to rest and heal before debut, all of you need it!

…

Spring 2015

May 26th 2015. That is the day I debut. I know we haven't talked much, but I hope you’ll be there in spirit. Thinking about you cheering for me makes it easier to handle. I’ll fight for you, for me, for them, and for us. I’ll try, even though things feel like they’re ending.

I’m going to be busier than before. I’m not sure about the contract, but I’ll try to still get letters out. For now, have this. Thank you for everything.

A layer of grey I can't escape Walls built of fear are colored all over with red Who will listen to the sound from the bottom of my heart at the end of the world(/day) There's no one by my side Flee Flee

The world is collapsing, shattering, breaking I can't find love at all So why why why (Where will I ) fall, where Hidden by the dark clouds, helpless and pitiful Can't feel myself, light is lost Before the end of the world(/day), (I'm) yelling, sounds of pain But there's no one by my side Flee Flee

The world is collapsing, shattering, breaking After I disappear completely, (you) won't realize I once existed Why why why (Where will I ) fall, where Falling endlessly, falling in silence What did I ever do wrong

Missing someone you’ve never met is an entirely separate kind of heartbreak. I began to doubt every single thought and feeling I had, every single word I wrote, everything began to bleed between imagination, ideal, and reality. 

The Minghao I watched on the screen wasn’t the Minghao I knew, and I started to wonder if I ever truly knew him in the first place. I felt like a fool, and even then, I continued to be foolish. I wanted to believe I knew what he meant; that I understood him, but as the years went on, I got more and more lost.

They won awards, they went on variety shows, they released albums, they went on tours. They traveled, they worked, and they grew. I needed to believe I knew him, but Minghao and The8 are not the same. And as I grew to love The8, Minghao began to fade into the back of my mind. When I watched him try to express himself beyond his stage persona, each time I saw flashes of a beautiful bird locked in a rusted cage.

I always kept the letters.

They’re my private collection of memories between he and I. They were the only way I knew it was real. I could run my fingers over his handwriting, feel how he sometimes pressed too hard and left marks in the paper. I could see how the paper and ink warped when he accidentally got tears on it. I could look at his pictures from his childhood and know what he was thinking as he took it. 

I knew him.

Summer 2020

Hey, Minghao. It’s me, do you still remember my handwriting? Maybe it’s changed... No, I know it has, because I’ve changed as a person. It feels strange, I know what you’ve been up to, but you might’ve even forgotten my name. But I feel in my heart that you havn’t. Maybe thats wishful thinking.

Anyway, I’m so proud of you Minghao. You’re a superstar, just like you dream of being back when you first started dancing. You’ve become part of a family, and have so many fans cheering for you every single day. Congratulations!!

…

5 years. Does the smell of citrus still remind you of home? Of me? Maybe it just reminds you of the hard times you had back then. But I guess you’ve been reminiscing about that a lot lately?

I watched the video as soon as it came out, and I was shaking as soon as I heard your voice. That song isn’t a special piece of yourself that you shared with me anymore, but it’s part of your story for the whole world to see, and you told it so well.

...

I miss you.

It was finally time.

It was a fairly thick envelope, inside were many postcards of where I’ve been, quickly written notes as I reacted to songs and memorable moments, and full-length letters that never got sent.

It was so surreal to sit in front on him at this panel. He looks just like he did as a kid, but more refined, stronger inside and out. His aura intimidated me like I was seeing a skyscraper touch the clouds for the first time, and yet he maintained eye contact with me like I was a dandelion about to be blown away with the breeze.

“It’s me, Minghao.” The words barely drifted from my mouth, but they struck him like lightning as realization stealing his breath away. For a moment I saw his eyes twinkle, and the corners of this lips twitch.

A member of staff took the envelop away from him; he barely was able to read the label.

My time would be up soon.

His fingers intertwined with mine and he opens my photobook to his page with his free hand, looking down for only a moment to sign it.

The next Carat was nudging my shoulder already.

“Not yet.” I whispered both to them and to him with a squeeze of his hand. He did the same, like a beat of the heart, and then released. I watched his chest rise and fall with a deep breath as he gave the next fan the same focus and care he gave me. 

I forced a smile on my face as I scooted over.

Did he truly realize it was me? Why could I feel his heart beating faster from the tips of his fingers? Did he want to contact me all this time, or had he chosen to stop and was scared to tell me? Did he miss me too?  

My smile was only fake for a moment, though.

I was meeting his second family for the first time, after all, I needed to make a good impression. After years of keeping up with the group, it should have been easier to feel comfortable, and to be happy like the others.

Yet my hands continued to shake, their faces blurred and the sounds around me went quiet. My senses went in and out of focus like waves reaching and leaving the shore.

The warmth and the texture of his hand stained mine, and as i stared down at it after going back to my seat in the crowd, it felt alien. His hands are same hands that have been writing my name on every envelope for so many years...

I felt like I was falling.

[ohnoyoonoh]

PREVIEW of PHILIA & EROS

author -; @ohnoyoonoh​

genre. au -; highschool au, based on/inspired by the movie. the half of it. coming of age.

pairing -; lee jeno x oc, huang renjun x oc, jeno x oc x renjun, renjun x jeno (ish)

synopsis -; a story of where someone asks a writer to write them a love letter for the girl they like except the writer likes this girl, too. it's an adventure of lessons in friendship and first love with renjun, jeno, and hwayoung in the town of dalgleish, oregon.

author’s note -; sneak peek into my upcoming story with jeno and renjun. i was actually very passionate in this story. this is the first story in a while that will be tagged with networks, yayyy lol lmk if you wanna be part of the taglist

warnings -; love triangle, strong language, minor bullying, whole story includes touches on sexuality, touches on sex but not committed, underage drinking and drug use, mention of minor character death (renjun’s mom), kissing, long ass story lemme tell you that

word count -; (preview) 4.8k and it’s only the beginning

Love. Love certainly comes in different forms. According to C.S. Lewis, there are four types that people focus on: Storge, Philia, Eros, and Agape. Omitting agape as many do not believe in the Christian faith, the other three simply play a role in everyone’s upbringing whether they notice the existence of these loves in their life or not. Following the words of Lewis, we would be obliged to love every single day without a choice whether it’s to us or seeing it with others. We see love wherever we go. But in this society, do we really know what love is? Love is not as straightforward as we thought it would be unlike adding and subtracting in math. Love is strange but whatever the perspective by the person, it could also be the most beautiful thing in the world.

And that is not how you write a world-class essay to make you pass an honors class.

Huang Renjun began to press the backspace of the conclusion to the last essay he needed to write for the English class. It wasn’t his essay that he was writing but one that was in his queue of his homework services. The list was stacked with requests of the take on C.S. Lewis’s Four Loves for Mrs. Lee’s Junior English Honors class, but the teacher could care less that the students cheated in the class in the peewee town of Dalgleish in the state of Oregon.

Dalgleish didn’t have much except for the Pretty Douglas Fir trees decorated around the boundaries of the town. It was fitting as the Dalgleish basically meant green field. There weren’t many open fields but looking at the town from above, the amount of trees make it look like a green space. That was one of the things that Renjun enjoyed seeing, the nature that the town offered. It was calming, least to say. Losing himself into the natura was a good getaway from the extensive labor he needed to do to support him and his family. His family consisted of his father and younger sister, Mei. His mother passed away due to breast cancer when Renjun was thirteen and Mei was ten.

That was the reason why he started his business of the homework services, but it also extended into adding more part time jobs to continue a decent salary for a high school student. His father never asked him to do any of these jobs because he never wanted to overwork Rejnun and his sister during high school. He wanted to make sure that they could focus primarily on their school work and occasional side jobs to include in their résumés and transcripts. Though due to the passing of his wife, he wasn’t able to commit to his computer science career and waived off the successful path to enter a minimum wage job.

Renjun understood the reason for his father’s lack of working, which is why he stepped up a little more than a teenager should carry on their shoulders. He loved his family too much to not do so. Which is why, he was checking off the list of names on his queue for the homework that needed to be handed that day.

Zhong Chenle

Eleanor Lee

Amie Quill

Wong Yukhei

Eugene Mills and the list going on.

He calculated the amount that was due and the total, making sure that no one paid him less. He didn’t mind if someone paid more, as it would be beneficial to any extra expenses that needed to be paid off. “$20 per essay, mm.. $200. That should be enough to cover the water bill and the groceries.”

Mei nodded, writing the total on the sticky notes that littered all over the mirrored wall. The wall full of sticky notes for the week logging any needed tasks to be finished. Wherever there weren’t any sticky notes were old pictures of the family and memories in their upbringing or new polaroid pictures of Renjun and Mei. It was a nice reminder of the moments that were captured in the midst of the hard every days.

“Hey, uh, Renjun, I was wondering if I could go to homecoming?” Mei questioned, breaking the silence as Renjun revised the to-do lists while editing his own essay. He forgot to do so since the amount of requests to do their homework was unbelievable. The only downside of the homework service was that everyone requests last minute. “Renjun.”

“Sorry, I forgot to do my homework,” he snapped his head up, letting his sister know that she had his undivided attention. Mostly. “Uh, what did you ask?”

“I was just asking if I could go to homecoming, I’ll even work extra hours to pay for my dress. I’ll even pick up some of the homework in your requests,” Mei pleaded, not verbally but through her eyes. Renjun stared at her, wondering if she was serious. It wasn’t uncommon for freshmen to attend high school events, especially someone like his sister. Mei was and still is the type of person to enjoy the events that school offers. It was the perfect opportunity to spend time with her friends and escape the hours of working. That was what Renjun recalled during their late night talks as they pleated the dumplings for their lunches for the rest of the week.

“Renjun, stop spacing out,” Mei shook his shoulder, seeing if it would wake him up out of his trance.

“Uh, yeah yeah. You can help me with some of the homework and take over my shift for the next two days at the library, is that okay?” Renjun offered. He knew he would have felt bad if he said no. Knowing his sister, she would either give up on working and not get a new dress, or give up working and not going to homecoming all together.

Mei agreed, nodding her head profusely and quickly embracing her brother. Renjun stood there, reluctantly wrapping his arms around her. Mei rarely showed affection to him which is why he seemed so surprised at the actions. Nonetheless, he appreciated the love. God. Love. Love. Love. His essay. His eyes widened, releasing from the grasp of his sister, “Crap, I need to finish the last paragraph of my essay.”

The sound of the alarm ringing through the kitchen, notifying the Huang siblings that it was time for them to head to school. Renjun groaned, wanting to bang his head against the wall. He shoved the folder with the homeworks that he finished inside of his backpack while tossing Mei her lunch. He grabbed the pen that hung off of the wall, checking off the sticky note that was made a week before to remind him of the work to do. Renjun rechecked everything once more to be certain that he hadn’t skipped over anything. Assuring himself that he didn’t miss anything, he grabbed the keys of his dad’s car and made his way out the door. Before exiting the house, his dad seemed to be missing from his usual spot on the couch but knew he was home due to his shoes still at the door.

“Mei, is dad still home?” Renjun questioned as he sat on the floor to put his shoes on. Mei turned around to face her brother and nodded, “He’s taking a shower and already made his food.”

Renjun nodded, slinging his backpack over his shoulders to adjust the straps as he wore it, “Are you ready to go?”

“I’ve been ready, I don’t know about you,” Mei sarcastically retorted. Renjun scoffed, standing up and opening the door to allow his sister to go out first. As they walked outside to get to the car, Renjun playfully kicked her leg causing her to quickly turn around to punch him. He quickly ran to the car to escape her wrath.

“Alright, I’ll see you later. Don’t forget your shift at the library,” the male informed his sister as they both entered the school. Mei groaned but nodded, saying goodbye to her brother as she parted ways to join her friends. Now, Renjun was stuck to being a high class loner for the rest of the day. He never made any friends, well ones that didn’t last long. Though he was content with that. It was better than having ones that would backstab you or talk behind your back. For being a small town, Dalgleish didn’t have much to offer with people. So, people created their own drama. Luckily in all of the Huang siblings’ time in Dalgleish, they never had any mentions of being in drama. They only were the butt of the joke of their low-class dad, but Mei and Renjun never paid attention, so the joke died before it was even alive. That belonged to the top of the hierarchy in their school. But, Renjun could care less about them and rather focused on his studies and jobs.

“Here is yours and Chenle’s homework,” Renjun flipped through the countless essays in the folder, handing Lucas the needed homework.

“Ahh, thanks, let me send you the money now. I’m also paying for Chenle’s, just in case you wonder why there’s extra,” Lucas pulled his phone out to send the money through the Venmo app.

Feeling his phone buzz, Renjun took his phone out to check that the amount was correct. Confirming that it was right, well it was actually over. Chenle and Lucas were always kind enough to pay extra. They always said it was just for the hard work that he gives since they were his first customers and the growth of the services. “Thanks, Lucas.”

Lucas smiled before heading his way for his class. After he left, Renjun continued to make his way to all of the students that needed their work for the day. He scheduled different locations and times around the school to make sure that his contraband work wasn’t known to the faculty of the school. The only one who knew was their English and Physics teachers. Mrs. Lee and Dr. Jean.

Mrs. Lee immediately knew that the essays by the students in her class weren’t written that perfectly. The growth from one essay to another seemed to be developed overnight. Not trying to question her students, they were bright but most that had the perfect scored work weren’t the brightest. Knowing this, Mrs. Lee found out after give and take, she realized that the work was by Renjun. To let him know that she knew, she asked to conference with him after class. The only thing that Renjun grasped from the conversation is that she blatantly called her students stupid when it came to essays. Renjun agreed but defended them that they were smart in other areas and needed to strengthen their levels in the writing department.

And for Dr. Jean, he just didn’t care.

“So, who’d you write for this time? I just don’t wanna read the essays to waste my time to give them A’s,” Mrs. Lee sat in her chair, sipping on her cup of coffee as she watched Renjun pack his stuff up so he could attend his next class.

He dismissed his teacher’s comment, placing his essay on her desk, “I’ll give you a list later. Oh, I also need a recommendation from my favorite teacher.” He smiled, setting a blank recommendation letter for the college he’s applying to on her desk.

He watched her scan over the document, only for her face to scrunch up in disgust. He reflected her expression with his own face, confused as to why she looked repulsed, “What is it now?”

“I don’t know, you could have chosen a better school with your grades and get in,” she tossed the paper into her neat stack before grabbing the essays and shelving it.

Renjun shrugged, knowing that the reason is that he was afraid to leave his sister and dad. More so, his sister. He didn’t want to leave all of the responsibilities to his sister. To delve even farther, the responsibility of taking care of their father. He wasn’t sure if Mei was ready to do it. A lot of people may wonder why he even thinks of his father, but his dad was still family. Their dad may not be in the best state and not pulling his weight as the head of the family, but he still worked every so often. Their dad was lucky enough to be friends with the owner of his job, and the owner understood the hardships that he was going through. The consequence of his lack in effort fell on his children.

“I just think it would be better if you attend some other college, maybe, I don’t know,” Mrs. Lee retrieved another document on a clipboard, handing it to him.

He grabbed the clipboard, wondering what it was. An application to University of Oregon. He laughed, tearing his eyes away from it to look out the window. She’s still trying to do this. He gave the clipboard back, “I can’t go to this university. It’s not even that good.”

“It was good to me,” Mrs. Lee gave him a hall pass on a sticky note before waving him off to allow him to get to his next class.

“Well, I’m passing and staying in the best town in the world,” he waved as he walked out of the class.

Renjun pondered on the idea of leaving Dalgleish, but would it be the right decision. Everything he needed was right here. There could be a great job opportunity when he graduates from the community college. Well somewhere and that somewhere is not in Dalgleish. He was going to have to move out of the town one way or another if he wanted to pursue his dream of becoming a computer scientist. Maybe, he could find a way to come back to Dalgleish, opening a company would be beneficial. That was settled on a maybe. For now, all he needed to do was pass junior year and move onto senior year.

Making his way inside of the physics classroom, he showed the pass to Dr. Jean, only for it to be dismissed. He took his seat next to the window in the back. With the lack of care that his teacher had in the class, Renjun worked on the next requests of his services.

“Renjun, you’re working with Isabelle,” his teacher declared. Renjun picked up his head so fast, wondering as to why there’s suddenly a project. He was always informed beforehand in the beginning of the semester of what’s to come, but he came to realize Dr. Jean was the best teacher at coming up with random projects. Renjun just nodded, clearing his backpack from the chair next to him allowing Isabelle to sit it in.

Isabelle gave him a head bow, greeting him, “Hi. I’m Isabelle but you could just call me Hwayoung. You probably already knew that. I can’t believe Dr. Jean still calls me Isabelle, probably because he can’t pronounce half of our names.”

Renjun chuckled, shutting his computer off to place back in his backpack. He picked two of the copies of the paper before tossing the extra copies inside of the extra copy bucket that was behind him. He handed the paper to Hwayoung before reading the document. Seeing it was the project, his mouth contorted to a form of disappointment in finding the surprise assignment. The project didn’t even have anything to do with physics but basically getting to know your partner and put it in a PowerPoint. He didn’t know if he wanted to cry or laugh. He glanced in Hwayoung’s direction: Pretty. Pretty. Popular.

Choi Hwayoung. The ideal girl that anyone could ask for. She was nice and smart. She was one of the pretty girls of the school, and everyone knew that. Renjun liked her when he joined the Model UN team, and she was also on it. He thought that she was also smart when she stood her ground during the time of Model UN. He wished he could have stayed longer as he enjoyed it, but his sister wasn’t all that capable when he had to leave for a competition once. Despite thinking the basic reasons for him liking her, he liked how she smiled and her dimples just protruded. Her eyes were full of life when debating. How she spun her pen between her fingers when she was in focus. Renjun, tone your feelings down.

Now, he wasn’t sure if he still liked her due to the lack of attention he gave his own feelings.

“Oh right, my name is Renjun,” he whispered as Dr. Jean ranted on another go of the conspiracy theories of the Illuminati and Beyoncé . His teacher always made the time in class go by faster or slower depending on how dedicated he is to the conspiracy topic. Some were more interesting than others. He looked over to her writing, “I think you knew that already.”

“Yeah, I did. You were on the Model UN team but left, you were really good at what you did,” Hwayoung complimented him. He smiled, nodding as his way of accepting the praise.

The small talk ceased as the bell rang for dismissal, he collected his items and shoved them into his backpack. He slung his backpack over his shoulder, “I’ll do the project and turn it in when it’s finished.”

“But this is a two person project. I am not asking for your homework service to come in play here,” Hwayoung turned to look at him. “Maybe, we could just actually do it together. Unless you don’t want to because you’re uncomfortable to do that which then do the project by yourself, just text me if you need anything.”

With that, she smiled and left. Renjun watched her leave the classroom. That was a first. Typically any project with partners left Renjun to do the work all by himself, which he didn’t mind. Most complain that they had to do it by themselves, but he enjoyed the easy A without the others messing it up.

The final school bell rang, but Renjun was already in the car, waiting for his sister. He hummed to the music, tapping to the tunes of Ariana Grande’s Dangerous Woman album. His head turned to the door opening, and his sister joined him in the car already singing the song. Renjun turned down the volume, “Ready?”

She nodded while buckling up her seatbelt. Renjun placed the car in reverse, only for a student to be waving a paper trying to get his attention. He wasn’t paying attention, trying to get Mei to work on time was his priority.

As he continued to reverse the car, he still hadn’t noticed the student until Mei tugged on his jacket. He slammed on the breaks, finally seeing the student waving the paper around in the rear-view mirror. He almost ran over him. He inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to come to a compromise in his head that he almost committed homicide by accident, “What the hell?”

The male student walked around from the rear of the car before going around to the driver’s side. He knocked on Renjun’s window before Renjun rolled the window, “Why were you in my way?”

“You almost killed me. Shouldn’t you feel a little empathetic?” The student smiled with a teasing tone in his voice.

“If you have nothing important, I will be going now,” Renjun put the car in drive, starting to press on the acceleration pedal. He still wanted to know what the student wanted, but it was probably just another order for homework help. “If you want me to do your homework, find my number and text me.”

“I want you to help me write a love letter. I read your essay for Lucas, and it was really good,” the student requested, holding the note out. Renjun slammed on the brakes once again, but this time, Mei slapped her brother in the shoulder for the discomfort of their backs hitting the seats so harshly. He looked at her with an apologetic expression before his gaze turned back to the student.

The student held the note at the window, which Renjun started to read.

Dear Choi Hwayoung.

The first three words were enough for Renjun to decide if he was going to help this fool or not. He shoved the letter back into the hands of the requester, “Nope, I’m not writing a love letter to Hwayo- to her.”

“Oh, to who?” Mei pitched in. Love always made people curious, well more nosy. Then, the ideas of who ends up with who just turned into a big mess. Renjun certainly didn’t want to help someone out that wanted to create a love letter. Plus if he was the recipient of a love letter, he hoped it wasn’t made by someone that didn’t have feelings for the person. Or in Renjun’s case, written by the person’s personal feelings. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be genuine. Artificial. Unauthentic. Fake. Love isn’t supposed to be any of those things if a person wants to make it work.

“No one, Mei.” Renjun answered before he turned back to the student, “Have a good day.” He rolled the windows back up and continued to drive away to his priority. He looked in the mirror once more to find the student sulking with his head down. He chuckled. That’s so pathetic.

“Hey, you could have totally picked that request up. That was Lee Jeno,” Mei tapped away on her phone as she informed him of who the student was. Renjun scoffed, but he also was unsure why the name of the student is relevant. Customers are customers. There’s no needed relationship as it’s based on monetary and satisfaction of getting work done. Mei looked at her brother who stayed silent, and she was sure that he had no clue who Jeno was. She raised her eyebrow, “Do you not know who Lee Jeno is?”

“Do I care? Mm.. Not really,” he didn’t really care about who Jeno was. He rarely cared about any of the people in the school, as they weren’t his business. He wanted to stay out of anyone’s mouths as much as possible. Renjun thought of who Jeno was because he did sound familiar. They lived in a small town, so everyone knew most of each other. Dalgleish compromised mostly of East Asians, but nonetheless it still had a good variety of other ethnicities. It shouldn’t be hard to think of who Jeno was. Ah, he’s the boy who used to live four houses down when they were younger before the downfall of the Huangs came about. Jeno would try to invite them to play often with the other kids in the neighborhood, but Renjun was shy at the time, and Mei wasn’t the one who enjoyed company. Though that did start to change as they grew older. Renjun wasn’t shy, just liked to keep to himself to stay out of trouble, and Mei enjoys the energy with people.

“Jeno is the star student of the school, more like the perfect Asian kid. He plays the violin, ping-pong captain, forward for soccer, and is part of A Honor Roll,” Mei listed all of the things that Jeno specialized in. Renjun listened but wasn’t in awe of the achievements that Jeno had. Most of the kids in the school participated in those activities, differing in sports and academics. Everyone had their own skill set to show off, which made Jeno not any different from the student body.

“Okay, what does that have to do with me?” Renjun questioned, stopping at the red light. He wasn’t sure what his sister was making in her brain. She was most likely going to lose track of where she was heading to prove a point.

“Plus, he banks and his parents have this IT company in California. So if you help him, he could probably get you to return in favor by getting you an internship,” Mei added onto her tracks. She sure did make a point. That was a first. Renjun surely could land a job if he gets an internship, but he didn’t want to use someone like that. He wanted to do it on his own.

“Yeah, no. I refuse to do that,” Renjun pressed his foot down on the gas pedal, accelerating the car as the light switched to green.

“How come? It’s a good opportunity, I’m just saying,” Mei said as she shuffled around in her seat, adjusting her jacket.

“Well, I don’t want to use someone like that. I want to get there on my own, no matter how hard it is. I have a plan to get there,” Renjun answered. He arranged his future’s timeline, coming up with the desired plan. He thought of Plan B, just in case the first one didn’t work. Then, he had his safety plans just in case nothing of his wants couldn’t come to reality.

Mei answered with a hum. Renjun was glad that she didn’t continue the conversation. He parked next to the curb in front of the library and turned off the engine. He decided to study at the library. He didn’t have much to do today other than making dinner and finishing the rest of the requests that he didn’t assign to his sister. Plus, the library offered free food and beverages to their workers. And, who doesn’t like free food?

“Your shift ends at 7, which is perfect. I’ll be in my usual section, working and studying if you need anything,” Renjun said as he left his sister as they entered the downtown library. He walked towards the Japanese literature section, quietly greeting some of the regular goers that he recognized. Living in Dalgleish, he picked up quite a few languages. He was surrounded by multiple ethnicities who differed in languages and to benefit the elderly who weren’t comfortable using English, he thought it would be nice to learn their native language. Plus, there were foreigners who came frequently to visit the town. It was like a tourist attraction, sometimes. Even if there wasn’t anything to see in the town.

Renjun was only fluent in Mandarin Chinese and Korean, but he was conversational in other languages like Cantonese and Japanese. He tried to make the effort, plus his world geography class had an extra credit opportunity to explore languages. Despite not seeming to be a people person at school, Renjun was able to converse easily with others when he was out and about. He often got teased by his sister for it because he always said he was not a people person.

He placed his belongings on the ground, unpacking his laptop, and plugging the charger in the outlet to refuel the laptop’s battery. Putting his earphones in to enjoy his music, he bopped his head a little to the beats. Renjun checked his list if he had any new requests. He wanted to know if Jeno asked for one with his love letter. That’s so stupid. Love letters are supposed to be personal. He’s such a dumbass.

“Hey.” came out of nowhere. Renjun jerked in his chair a little, even if he had earphones, he didn’t blast it just in case someone asked him about anything in the library. He still was a worker there, even if he wasn’t working. He thrived off of a busy schedule. He didn’t thrive off on being startled.

He whipped his head to the person who peeked over his shoulder, almost throwing his hands around if it wasn’t in a public place or at least a library. He saw the same boy from earlier, only this time in neater clothes. Jeno was wearing his athletic warm-ups when he was at the school. Renjun just blinked his eyes before shaking his head and getting back to his laptop, “You’re in a library, look through some books for inspiration for your love letter. Good luck to you and bye.”

“Oh come on, I’m not the best at words and expressing my feelings. Can you just at least read it and revise?” Jeno asked, moving a chair from another table to sit with Renjun. The ping-pong star received hushes from those around him, causing both Renjun and Jeno to have apologetic looks to them.

Renjun shook his head, “No. No way.”

“I’ll pay you extra from what your highest price is. I’ll pay you even more for authenticity,” Jeno pulled his phone out. Renjun peeked over at Jeno’s screen to see his website page with the costs of the homework papers. He thought about the extra costs. He possibly could buy his sister’s dress for homecoming, so she could keep her money from work and spend it on makeup and other necessities to get ready for school events. It was a good idea, but Renjun wasn’t the best at even expressing feelings and whatnot.

“I’ll give you $100 for this one letter,” Jeno offered.

“Alright, sold.”

[apex-academy]

Chapter 5: Caring Is a Hazard to Your Health (#24)

After an extended nap and some light reading, I head out to supper. 

Seems quiet in here.

Only natural at this point. Just 8 people—

Stop. It...

It’s just quiet because Aidan isn’t here at the moment. Yeah.

Still, silence beats fighting. I hop in the kitchen to make some vaguely lumpy onigiri and eat it in there. Not feeling sociable yet. I’ll probably head upstairs for the rest of the evening. Get a few games in. Or...

“I could go further upstairs than that...”

I still feel like I haven’t been that thorough looking through the new floor, and now...

Where did that key come from, anyway? To show up in the gym... It was right after we got our motive, so any of us could have dropped it then. Even Monochap.

There’s no telling. I’ll just investigate and hope this doesn’t turn out to be some kind of trap. If someone wanted this to be found, then... probably Kanagi? She started Horse. Not easy to believe she’d mastermind a trap like that, though, so I won’t point any fingers yet. It’s probably just what it looked like, anyway. Slipped out of a pocket somewhere.

Impatiently, I finish up my supper and head out. I cross Tsunyasha in the hall, but she doesn’t make any death threats, so not worth my attention. Maybe I ought to be hunting Mahavir down instead, but... I’ll just burn myself out if I’m not careful.

I check the Nurse’s Office anyway, but it’s empty.

Upstairs, then.

This many flights is a bit of a haul, but I’m not that tired. That, and I should probably double-check the shutters they’ve been using in here.

...Yup. There’s still a flight closed off. At least it keeps moving up.

“All right. Let’s see if I can get into anything.”

I dig around the Computer Room first, just in case I may somehow get access to a computer, but it’s not looking promising. If there are any secret compartments in here, they don’t have visible keyholes. Kind of a long shot, anyway. 

I go ahead and try the mysterious office at the far end of the east wing, but the key doesn’t even start to fit. Figures.

Finally I move to the Secretary’s Office. The door is unlocked, but...

“Probably my number-one suspect.”

I jiggle the key into the file cabinet’s key slot. It actually goes in, which is a good start, but it sure doesn’t want to turn. Maybe I’m wrong.

“Doubt I’m going to snap this thing in half, though.”

I give it another two rounds of heave-ho before it finally turns. I rub my fingers to try to get the key impression off of them before reaching for the topmost handle.

“Is there some way to make sure I’m not about to set off a bomb?”

Not that I know of, so I’ll just have to hope. Can’t see any wires running into the cabinet, so that’s a good sign.

The drawer offers some resistance, too, making a series of clangs as I pull and push on the handle. But then something manages to rattle loose, and the drawer comes on out. Not all the way, thankfully, since that probably would have knocked me over. But far enough to see the contents. Five files hang between the sides of the drawer, so widely spaced it still feels eerily empty. All but the first are labeled at the tab.

“Aidan, Aki, Arthur...”

These are files on us? In... first-name alphabetical order for some reason, but the secretary’s personal preferences probably aren’t worth worrying about. I reach for the unlabeled file. The thing is full up, but it looks like most of the papers are copies of blank forms. Mostly demographic-looking. Not terribly informative. But at the front...

“ ‘ Recruitment Guidelines’.”

If the files in this cabinet are on students, I doubt it’s guidelines for recruiting staff. As far as the student side goes, I honestly know precious little aside from the fact that they do recruit. I think there was something flowery about my qualifications on my acceptance letter, but I can’t remember the details now. So I can’t exactly verify this, but it looks authentic enough.

“ ‘Must be a legal resident of Japan or be or become fluent in Japanese within one year’...”

A lot of the qualifications are kind of arbitrary with a nice touch of legalese, so that’s not helping me any. The only thing that really strikes me is how vague the most significant qualifications are.

“ ‘Has performed a feat or collection of feats that could not be expected of any other student’.”

“...Have I done that?”

I guess tournaments must count. Otherwise, I’m not sure how I qualify. But it makes sense. It was probably similar for Kazusuke and Kanagi, and maybe some of the artistic talents. Seems boring, almost, but otherwise this school would just be a collection of obscure world record-holders, wouldn’t it?

At any rate, this isn’t helping my search for the young master. Or whatever I’m searching for right now. Honestly I feel like I just showed up over here without an actual goal in mind besides “try key.” But whatever. No one else should be coming in here, so I can take all the time I need. Might be nighttime soon, but that just means less chance of anyone being out to see me by the time I finish.

Anyone who follows the rules, at least. But no one would be looking for a victim so soon, right...? I won’t worry about it. Maybe bring some kind of blunt implement with me on the way back, but. Not worth any more thought than that.

I put the recruitment guidelines away semi-neatly and browse the rest of the cabinet. There are a few files in each drawer. At least, each drawer I can get too. Bottom one’s thoroughly jammed. I can deal with that later if I feel the need to. For now...

“...My file.”

This is the closest I could possibly get to verifying this cabinet’s info. I pull out the file with my name and stare at it.

“Why do I feel nervous about opening it?”

It’s not like it's a report card or anything. Probably? Would they have those mixed in here, too?

But there’s no reason for me to be nervous about that, anyway?? Just shut up and read it.

I start flipping through. Aside from a few oblique mentions, I don’t see any grades in here. Just the demographic-ish paperwork. That, and a few grainy copies of championship certificates. Guess I got accepted here for consistency, because no single one of these is that huge a deal. Unusual for someone my age, maybe, but... 

“Anyway, seems legitimate enough.”

Time to check out the rest. I put my file back and start at the top. Aidan’s first, then. I remove his file and gaze at it in my hands for a while. Seems kind of personal, now that I think about it. But most of this would be public information, anyway, right? That, or something that’s no big deal, like hometown.

Well, I won’t find anything either way if I don’t even look. Open sesame.

First few pages are the same forms, filled out differently. He is indeed from America, specifically Oshkosh, Wisconsin.

“Never heard of either of those, but sure, why not.”

Blah, blah, height, weight, medical conditions... Nothing earth-shattering. And then...

“What the heck? Everything on this page is redacted.” Aside from a few prepositions that don’t tell me anything, all the text has been reduced to a stuttering black line.

I try looking at the other side, then holding it up to the light, but it gets me nowhere. Nothing I can do with this besides think about it, and I can save that for later. There’s a newspaper clipping in here that looks a lot less difficult to read, so I’ll try that.

“ ‘Bioterrorist Attack Kills Three, Hospitalizes Eleven Others’.”

It goes on to summarize a recent anthrax-like attack on an air control tower that pretty much took out everyone there, lethally or otherwise, within a few minutes. One Abe Sorakubo managed to hang on long enough to redirect traffic despite technical difficulties and guide one plane safely to the ground when it was unable to change course. Abe remains in critical condition...

“...’but has received a better prognosis than the 12-year-old child caught up in the attack alongside him’.”

The child had already stopped breathing by the time EMS found them on the floor of the control tower wearing one of the controller headsets. Abe stated that the child was an aspiring air traffic controller, and he wanted them to be able to wear it before they died, even if they were already unconscious at the time.

“...........”

Yeah, three guesses who the 12-year-old child was. Is it really okay for me to be reading this? I mean, if it was in the news, a lot of people already have, right? And whoever was putting together the recruitment files read it, too. They even highlighted the bit just before Abe’s statement.

I quietly refile the papers and put the folder back. Next is Aki...

“...”

I don’t know if I can do this right now. Maybe I... I’ll come back to her later. 

Arthur, then.

Still hurts a little to thumb through his profile, but it’s a muted enough pain by now. At least we weren’t really friends. Classmates, for sure, but...

“...........”

Anyway.

Born on some kind of British military base in Germany, looks like. And lots of travel from there. Even his list of actual residences goes on for pages. Nothing in here seems suspect, though.

Instead of third-party material, his additional insert is more of a handwritten memo. Notes on his total distance travelled, the success of his blog, and an addendum that Super High School Level Hitchhiker may not be a very standard sort of talent but would nonetheless fit him and the standards of the school.

I flip through everything again just to be sure, but still, nothing of interest. “He’s been a lot of places” is about the whole gist of it.

“Ichiriki, then.”

I sort through his main file, which tells me a whole lot of nothing. Heir of the Tokino Hardware empire. No major moves.

No psychological profiles or anything, either. That would be too helpful, huh?

Instead of a single news article, his has several, though none of them actually have photos of his art. A few of them explain that he considers photography an abomination against everything chalk art represents. None of them specify what it’s supposed to represent, but I guess that’s to be expected.

At any rate, it really does look like he’s here as the Super High School Level Chalk Artist. As much as I’d like to say he has some fake talent to hide his involvement in this whole thing as some kind of warped observational psychologist, between this and his actual art skills, I really have no basis for saying anything like that.

Darn. He’d make an awfully convincing bad guy.

Maybe not so much at the moment, but. Overall. I can’t discount him entirely just because his talent is genuine, though, so there’s still that.

And that’s all the files for the top drawer.

“...........”

I’m weirdly tired already. Maybe I should take a break before I start overlooking any real clues. This cabinet won’t be going anywhere, right? And it probably is getting late by now.

“...”

I lock up the cabinet with much less struggle than it took to unlock it. I tug at each drawer afterwards, but they’re all sealed up pretty well.

All right, then. I can jump back in tomorrow morning.

Assuming nobody’s dead by then.

“...............”

Let’s just get moving.

[BACK] [NEXT]

[queenmercurys]

Ah, I'm so sorry to hear that you've been getting hate for shipping Jo and Laurie. People can be so terrible. :( I'd love to hear more of your thoughts about them, but I understand if you prefer not to share more out of concern for the hate. Regardless, thank you for your answer.

Thank you! It’s really not a big deal, but I’m kinda at that point in my life where I really don’t need to be reading hateful comments about fictional ships on a website like Tumblr. And worst of all, most of these comments are added by people to gifsets I make. So, like, not only do I now feel like it’s risky to even post gifsets about Jo and Laurie, but also the very small amount of interaction I do get for my work is negative feedback. Not a good time. And it confuses me, because I kinda thought Jo and Laurie were a popular ship. And even if they weren’t, who cares? Amy and Laurie shippers already got everything they wanted in the film, why do they have to come after people who ship Jo and Laurie? Doesn’t make much sense to me. But yeah, overall I don’t think I should engage in the ship wars, I’m in my early twenties, I really am too old for this shit. But I will say this: to anyone who thinks it’s ok to comment (or write in the tags) negative things about a ship on an edit someone has spent time making and posting, you need to think about your life choices. And yes, this includes people who reblog the stuff and go “I hate the ship but I love their friendship” because bruh, that was not the point of the edit so like, just don’t interact. It’s that easy. If you don’t like something, don’t interact with it.

Sorry about that mild rant, Tumblr is very frustrating. But yeah, no, I think I’m good with talking more about them, and if someone is offended, they can (and should... I dare you, please) just block me. 

For some AU things, I really love the idea of Laurie actually receiving Jo’s letter and the consequences of that. I’ve seen a few fics kind of delve into that, but not really in the way I see it. So, maybe one day I’ll write like a fic based on it. Though that would make me kind of have to address the Amy situation, which I’m not really interested in writing about. But even as just a concept, Laurie finding Jo’s letter and reading it when it’s “too late” is just so bittersweet and I both love and hate the idea. Their entire scene in the attic is just full-on bittersweet. 

I fully subscribe to the idea (I mean, it’s not an idea, it’s what it says in the official script) that Jo didn’t actually run after Friedrich, and allegedly did end up marrying no one. Mostly because it’s what she wanted, ultimately, and also because I really don’t think she and Friedrich were compatible at all. I’m not really seeing it as “if Laurie can’t have her, no one can”, I just don’t see that relationship working. Even if Laurie and Jo had ended up together, I’m not confident that they would have needed to get married, or get married right away. They could have traveled around Europe together, as Jo had always wanted, and gotten to know each other as romantic partners and seen where it’d go from there. I don’t think Jo and Laurie are one of those traditional couples (or friends) in any aspect, so I can’t imagine the basic “marriage, then kids” formula for them. 

I really would have liked to have known what Jo wrote to Laurie in those letters while he was gone, the ones he never answered. I’m not expecting them to have included anything romantic (because if they had, Laurie probably would have felt more positive about answering them), but still, I would have liked to have read them. I truly think the two of them were best friends and as close as two people could possibly be, so their separation is even sadder because of that. I also hate that Laurie was not there for Jo when Beth died. Obviously that’s because he wasn’t in the country, but that’s when she needed Laurie the most, and he wasn’t there, which sucks. 

I’m not sure if anyone else noticed this, but Laurie is still wearing the ring Jo gave him even in the scene where Amy draws him. I just find it really heartbreaking that even after everything, he still couldn’t let her go. And Jo, too, still wears the red scarf shared by her and Laurie (which I assume originally belonged to Laurie) after all those years. I don’t think it’s that easy to let go of your first love (or any love), and Laurie’s facial expressions and reactions around Jo and Friedrich say everything I need to know about how he felt. 

My main headcanon for how I would have wanted Jo and Laurie to end up together would’ve been essentially what would have happened in the film if Amy had not gotten involved. I think I still would’ve wanted Laurie to go to Europe and Jo to have that time to figure out her thoughts, and when he’d return, she’d express her feelings and then, maybe they would go back to Europe together, because I really do want Jo to have that trip. Or alternatively, she figures out her feelings earlier and joins Laurie in Europe. A bit of a romantic sentiment not really befitting Jo’s personality, but the impulsivity is there. And that way, she could, again, see Europe. 

I think overall, I respect everyone’s opinions about the ships in this film, but I have found that I can’t personally understand where the reasoning for Amy and Laurie or Jo and Friedrich comes from. That is, no doubt, reflective of my own personal preferences and biases, and doesn’t reflect any kind of “truth”. This is just my opinion. In the script, they refer to Laurie as Jo’s childhood love, and I really do believe she loved him, and that they could have been an amazing couple. And as a lover of the good, old-fashioned friends-to-lovers trope, I would have liked to see it. A couple with mutual respect, admiration and 100% comfort around each other is a rare thing to find. All too often, Hollywood ships consist of two people who seem to hate each other, but that “hate” is supposed to be translated into some kind of sexual tension (also present in LW). I never understood this, so for me, Jo and Laurie were pretty much perfect. And, as kind of a sidenote, I adore how out-of-the-norm their aesthetic is. How many ships can you name where the man and the woman swap clothes consistently without it being a big deal? The two are so comfortable around each other, I’ve never seen anything like it. I think their chemistry is outstanding, their story is beautiful and even though they weren’t endgame, they’re still definitely my OTP and the only ship I’ve given a damn about in years. So, I think they did some things right. 

[dailyaudiobible]

12/01/2020 DAB Transcript

Daniel 8:1-27, 1 John 2:1-17, Psalms 120:1-7, Proverbs 28:25-26

Today is the 1st day of December welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it is great to be here with you as we collectively greet a new month, the final month of the year, the final leg of our journey, although this journey is a never ending one and…and should be as we find ourselves more and more in a relationship with the Scriptures instead of in some kind of obligatory devotional state that we never can quite get to. Nevertheless, it is December 1st and here we are. We made it to the 12th month of the year. I think that was…well…I don’t think that was ultimately questionable it was…just there's been days and weeks during this year where it’s like, “what is going on?” We made it. We made it. Well done! Let's dive into this month. Let's finish strong as we move through it and prepare for the brand-new year. We’re reading from the Christian Standard Bible this week. Daniel chapter 8.

Commentary:

Okay. So, in first John, today we could probably notice that John, at least in his letters…well…at least in this letter because where just at the very first one…in this letter he doesn't sound so dissimilar to James or so dissimilar to Peter and their letters in that you can claim faith but the evidence of like a faith filled life ends up being a transformed life otherwise you can say whatever you want. So, let me just quote a portion of…of what we read today. “The one who says, I have come to know Him, and yet doesn't keep His commands is a liar and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps his word, truly in him the love of God is made complete. This is how we know we are in Him. The one who says he remains in Him should walk just as He walked.” Alright, so we can see this is more than just giving lip service to a religious belief system. The evidence of your true faith in Christ is that Christ is within you, transforming you and that is evident. And, so, easy enough, easy enough here to step back and look at our own lives and ask what's the evidence here? Like I am my own evidence to where my faith is at. So, John’s being direct because this is something to be direct about, this is foundational. Like, the goal of our faith is that we would be transformed into the likeness of Jesus, that our lives would be lived like Jesus, that we would be the hands and feet of Jesus, that we would be the body of Christ in this world. And that's not just something you can say. Like, if everybody in the world just said, “yeah, I guess I believe in this Jesus. Okay, Jesus is now my Savior” and then just went about their lives and there was no transformation whatsoever nothing would happen in the world. Being Christlike isn't something we say it's something we are becoming. And that means we have to participate. We are in collaboration. Our role is to be aware, to be humble and to be surrendered to God's will and ways and to obey and walk with Him. What a relief. If you're walking with God, well, how much safer can that be? And being transformed isn't just for us and it isn't just so we have a better prayer life. Like everything…if we’re being transformed then everything is being touched. If you are being…if something is transformed, its very nature is altered into something else. That's pretty big. We are not who we were at all. And this continuing transformation process with in us that we would also know as sanctification touches everything about us. So, picking up with John and putting it back into John's words, “the one who says he is in the light but hates his brother or sister is in the darkness until now. The one who loves his brother or sister remains in the light, and there is no cause for stumbling in him, but the one who hates his brother or sister is in the darkness, walks in the darkness, and doesn’t know where he’s going because the darkness has blinded his eyes.” So again, not dissimilar to James or Peter. Talk is cheap. You can say whatever you want, but if the words that you say are not consistent with the life that you live, then you're not living true and you're not living truthfully. And John says that this happens because, basically because our faith, our trust is put in the world instead of in Christ. And the world that…according to John is passing away. So, hope and trust are put into something that is not going to last, which is a theme that we have seen since we began reading the letters of the New Testament. So, we are at the beginning of the last month of the year and we have talked several times over the last couple months as we came into the last quarter of the year about finishing strong. And John…John is forthright today in giving us ways to look into that as we move toward the end of the year and finishing the year strong. Are our claims about our faith consistent with the lives we are living?

Prayer:

Father we acknowledge the question. It's…it's been a fundamental question for a very, very long time and it exposes so much within us. And if we were honest, we…we would say sometimes…sometimes like the first half of the day can be great and the second half of the day can be awful, one hour can be fantastic another hour can be horrible. We have an ebb and flow and we are tossed around and pulled in all kinds of directions and this shows us how much we swing back and forth putting our trust in the world, putting our trust in You and trying to make both reconcile when they won't ever. We were made for You. We were made for earth, but we are in this world and not of it. And, so, help us Lord. Expose the system of the world that is all around us and ubiquitous so that we can't see it unless we’re focusing our full attention. We can’t do that. We’re or pulled in all kinds of directions. But You are the most-high God. You are the sovereign Lord, and You know who we are, and You love us, and You are Fathering us. And, so, we trust in You to lead us forward. And Father these areas where the things that we say and the things we do don't match and are actually far away from each other, forgive us Lord. This has just exposed the sin. And help us as we repent to move toward wholeness. This is what a fully sanctified person will look like, whole, like Jesus, like the Savior. This is the goal and we want to be fully participating in it. So, come Holy Spirit and lead us as we move into the busiest time of the year. We hold on to You for dear life. We declare this and we pray these things in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, its where you…well…its home, it’s where you find out everything that's going on around here.

It is indeed Christmas time around here, so I think that's what's going on pretty much everywhere now, in one form or another. For us this year we have the Daily Audio Bible Shop open and we’ve put as many things on sale as we can. We’re not doing a Christmas Box this year as I've explained. Normally that's what we do but with just this year, and all the different lockdowns and protocols and everything that happens we’ve decided just to open up the store and say you can make your own, you can make your own box. Pick all of the things that you like, things you want to give away, things you want to keep for yourself. And if you spend $40 or more in the Daily Audio Bible Shop we will send you the 2020 Daily Audio Bible ornament. That’s something that we've had in the Christmas box all along. And, so, we’ll send that to you along with your order. We have…we have Global Campfire Klean Kanteens in stock right now although that's probably going to not be the case over the next couple of days. But these are beautiful. The only time we've had them this year and so get them while you can. They will not last long, but they are…well…I mean there this double-walled food grade stainless steel constructed like thermos that I use literally every day of my life because it keeps my coffee warm all day. Like, I’m…I had to turn my head, but now I'm looking one that’s full of…of coffee right now. So, check them out while they last. Check out the other stuff that's in the…in the DAB Shop, the like coffee. Like you can send a coffee subscription to somebody and have that land freshly roasted every month on their door. You can do that for yourself. Check…check out the tea. Check out the nitrogen filled portable windfarm coffee that we have in…in the steeped packaging. This is…it's kind of like a coffee filter…kinda like a teabag, right, but only made out of coffee filter with the right amount of coffee inside of it then nitro sealed to get the oxygen out of it so it won’t deteriorate so that it will last and stay fresh and then you just crack that open, pop it into your coffee mug, pour hot water over it, and then just steep it, steep it for a couple minutes and you have really great coffee on the go. And most on the go coffee, well, at least in my experience isn’t all that great. So, check all of this out, as well as the Global Campfire line of resources and all of the different media resources, books, and videos and music. So, check it out at dailyaudiobible.com in the Shop.

One thing I should mention is shipping cutoffs. And for international…if you are outside of the United States then the…the shipping cutoff is today. And we’re just taking our queues trying to get things to arrive by Christmas. We have an arrangement with FedEx that allows us to ship pretty close to the price of domestic shipping. It just takes…it’s just a little bit more unpredictable because they then bring it…import it into the country and then send it through the regular mail of the country. And, so, at some point it ends up in the…in the local mail system and we have no control of and it’s just a lot cheaper. So, that cutoff is today. You can order internationally any day any time but if you're hoping for something to arrive for Christmas time for Christmas day today would be the cutoff date for international. If you are domestic, if you are with in the United States we have a little bit of time and we’ll keep you posted there.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com as well. There is a link on the homepage, and I thank you humbly and profoundly for your partnership here at the end of the year. If you’re using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or if you prefer the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement you can hit the Hotline button in the app, which is the red button up at the top or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

[singing starts] Dear Lord please help the people that are homeless to know You. Please help them to know You. Please help them to know that they’re just not through this by themselves. Please help them to get through this with Your help. Please help someone to feed them and to give them a little bit of food please help them to be happy to have food and closer to live. Amen [singing stops]. Hi I’m Jaylin.

Hi family it’s Carla Jean from Nevada I’ve been posting on the Facebook DAB friends page but I thought I’d call and let you know that my husband Marty not only has Covid, but he has diabetic ketoacidosis. His blood sugars are over 1500. He’s a in the ICU in Las Vegas and it doesn’t look good. He was diagnosed with coronavirus two weeks ago and didn’t want to go to the hospital. He had to diabetic seizures that me and my 15-year-old son had to bring him out of. Finally, we convinced him to go to the hospital on Tuesday. On Wednesday both Elisha and I started being symptomatic for coronavirus. Family, I need you to really pray okay? I love you all very much.

Hi Daily Audio Bible family my name is El and I’m from the UK and this is my first time calling and I’m just calling today because me and my husband are going through some fertility issues. We’ve been trying for a baby now for two years and it just doesn’t seem to be working out for us the way we had hoped. So, I just ask that you pray for us during this time. Pray that God will bless us with a baby and pray for our marriage as we go fertility struggles. And, yeah, just if you wouldn’t mind to keep us in your prayers. Thank you.

Hi DAB family it’s Friday, November 27th and this is Peggy in California. I called a few weeks ago and asked for your prayers for my son Mason and I have felt the power of that in my conversations with him. I just thank you so very much and I ask that you would continue to pray for him because I think he’s on the brink of making some…a real positive move and he needs to be resolved and it’s going to be hard but I just pray that you would continue to reach out with me in that. And I also want to just lift up all the other adult children that have been mentioned in so many of the calls. It is definitely a struggle that many of us share. And, so, I want to lift up this prayer. Lord I pray that You will give all of the adult children of DAB family the discernment they need to understand the clear choices between good and evil and right and wrong, between what is life giving and life destroying and between a path into a secure and good future and a dead-end street. I pray that they will not allow the world to shape them but instead they will be shaped by You. I know that the influence of the enemy can come in so subtly as being nearly unobserved until it’s too late. But I pray that the Holy Spirit given wisdom and discernment they can be prepared for the enemy and anticipate his plans. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen. Bye family God bless you all.

Hi this is Pamela from Pennsylvania calling again. This time I just want to thank Brian and his family, China. And I never said anything, but congratulations on the beautiful baby that you’re welcoming into your family. I’m welcoming my third grandchild in February, which is a beautiful thing. My daughter’s a missionary and they’re…it’s just a wonderful loving family. But I wanted to thank Brian for the commentary and the long-standing wisdom in your words in understanding the Scriptures. It comes across very clear and I appreciate that very much because if anybody kept track of my other phone calls I did grow up in a very dysfunctional place and that led to some very dark places in my life. But…and actually all three of my children have gone to Christian school and because of the influence of the Christian school that my daughters went to I became saved and came to know Jesus as my Lord and Savior. So, I’m very thankful for that. And since that time little by little God has been putting the pieces back together in my life the way it was intended to be according to God. So, growing up in a dysfunctional environment I’m way behind all the people who grew up in a Christian environment and I’ve been scampering to catch up. Brian, I just appreciate your help. It’s making things make sense. So, I appreciate that. Thank you very much.

[chemicalmagecraft]

Foresight is 20/20 Chapter 6

I stuck my hands in my pockets and licked my lips as I looked up at the cloudy sky. "So you said that we're going to meet with a friend of yours?" I asked. It was about a month after I "summoned" Kurama.

"Yes," Father said. "Inuzuka Tsume. She was one of my teammates back when we were genin, and currently the head of the Inuzuka clan." He ruffled Hinata's hair. "Considering their ages and how well the Inuzuka and Hyuuga can work together, it's most likely that Hinata-chan and her youngest child will also be in the same genin team."

"I-I'll do my best!" Hinata said.

I smiled. "I'm sure you'll do fine," I contributed. "You're way better than you think you are." I brushed my bangs out of my eye. They were getting to the point where they weren't entirely curving away from my eye, though that didn't really bother me that much. I like my hair long. Plus, there are a looot of characters in Naruto with hair over one eye, so who am I to go against that trend? I closed my eyes and started humming a happy tune (All dead, all dead, all the dreams we had), when... something brushed on my burgeoning negativity senses, though I couldn't really tell much about it because I wasn't trying to sense anything. For me to sense it automatically probably meant something bad, though.

"Two women raising a child?" I overheard. "You make me sick." I opened my eyes and sighed. I looked over to where I heard and felt the evil and saw three women. One of them, who was the source of the hate and presumably the hateful comment, was looking at the other two with a scornful look in her eyes and holding... was that a young Tenten?

Huh, guess that's what author me decided to do about Tenten having about zero background information aside from idolizing Tsunade and liking weaponry.

The lady was gripping maybe young Tenten by the wrist and I could see that she looked really afraid. Stranger danger, kids. The other two women, who I assumed were probably Tenten's mothers, began to give off the appropriate amount of hate that one would expect from a pair of mothers whose four-or-so-year-old daughter was snatched by a homophobe, and it showed. Mom number one looked like an older version of Tenten in everything but clothing and the fact that she only had one bun and mom letter A was a shorter orange-haired woman who wore the same sort of Chinese-style clothes that Tenten wore. "Give her back," mom letter A snarled, cracking her knuckles. Mom number one echoed the sentiment. At this point, my training consisting entirely of my Sociology teacher showing the class a bunch of episodes of What Would You Do? and having us write a small assignment each time instead of doing actual work kicked in and I swiftly-but-silently walked over to the homophobic woman and grabbed her wrist with a red chakra-enhanced vice grip.

"No," I said, growling at her with red eyes. She recoiled in fear, letting go of young Tenten's wrist. As one might expect, Tenten immediately retreated to and began hiding behind her mothers. I relaxed my face, but kept my eyes the same. "Why exactly do you think what you just did was right? Especially the attempted child abduction?" I asked the lady.

She tried to yank her wrist away, but I slowly licked my lips and let her struggle for a bit before letting go. She haughtily scoffed like I, a small child, hadn't just vice-gripped her hard enough to leave a red mark. "It's unnatural and no child should be subjected to that. She should be sent back to the orphanage."

I used a neato trick that Kurama taught me to send hate at her with what little I knew of biju telepathy. "First, I don't believe it's something 'unnatural' or 'wrong.' Second, I've been to the orphanage. It's not something I'd send someone to because I don't agree with who the parents are unless the parents are abusive or something." I took another "look" at the family's chakra. "Third, I would like to say that from the feel of their chakra, I think that the daughter is somehow related to both of them, so I think she might have never been in the orphanage to begin with." It was just a suspicion I had, but considering the feel of Tenten's and mom letter A's chakras weren't quite as close as Tenten's and mom number one's, I decided that mom letter A was a relative of Tenten's biological father. Maybe a sister or close cousin? At any rate, something about their similarities in chakra felt... familiar. I couldn't quite put my finger on it... "So the only bad person here is you," I continued. "Leave."

Evil woman clearly didn't like my tone of voice. Or my logical argument as to why she was a horrible person. "You little brat! I'll kill you!"

"You'll do nothing of the sort," Father said with an edge to his voice. He'd come over at some time during the argument, with Hinata hiding behind him. "I don't like the tone you've taken with my son."

She winced and tugged at her collar. "At least you'd agree with me when I say that those two women are deviants for being... together?"

"I honestly don't know why you might think that," Father mused. "I suppose we seem traditional most of the time, but the Hyuuga have had a long history of supporting LGBT rights and love in general." He gave a small smirk that had all of the energy of a Cheshire Cat smile. "In fact, I'd like to say that I am not at all ashamed to admit that, when we were both genin, I had feelings for Namikaze Minato." The woman that I was now memorizing the face and chakra signature of for the specific purpose of giving her a hard time were I to ever see her again scoffed and stomped off. "Are you four okay?" he asked.

"That was fun," I said, then realized how that could be insensitive that could be to the little girl who was almost abducted and her parents. "Sorry, are you three okay?"

Mom number one (I really needed to learn their names) smiled. "That was nice of you, kid. What's your name?"

"Hyuuga Kouki," I said. "He's my father and the little one is my sister, Hinata." Before I was about to make any more witty remarks, I was surprise-glomped by a four-year-old.

"That was so cool!" Tenten exclaimed. "You totally saved me!" I noticed that up close, her otherwise dark brown-looking hair had a red glint with the right lighting like mine. Just in case, I compared her chakra to mine to see if that was what the familiar bit to her chakra was. I was glad at myself to see that what little similarity between our chakras was minimal, a bit like the similarity I noticed between Naruto and an Uchiha that I'd seen. Like we were descendants of two siblings from Otsutsuki Hagoromo's ti-

"Wait a minute," I thought. I used my chakra sensing on Tenten and mom letter A. Prodigious chakra capacity, disproportionate physical energy, and a bit of a sunny feel to it. For both of them. I thought about what I knew about how Tenten fights from canon. Seals all of her weapons in scrolls and has the stamina to keep up with Neji the prodigy, Lee the genius of hard work, and Maito Guy. Plus, mom number A had orange hair. "They're Uzumaki, aren't they?" I thought even as mom letter A started talking.

"My name's Uzumaki Ai." I fricking called it. "My..." she blushed slightly and tittered like a schoolgirl with her first crush, "girlfriend here is named Tenko."

"And the girl hugging Kouki-kun is my little daughter, Tenten," Tenko said.

"Potentially touchy question," I said flatly, acting like there wasn't a little girl who was a little taller than me still hugging me. I gave Tenten a look and she let go.

Tenko sighed. It was more of a sad sigh and not a some-rude-kid-is-about-to-ask-me-a-potentially-touchy-question sigh. "Her father was... severely injured in the Kyuubi attack. He died and Ai and I mourned him together. She decided to help me raise her brother's child and well," she blushed, "things... happened eventually." I nodded. Yeah, that seemed like something I'd write. Tenko looked thoughtful for a moment. "If you don't mind me asking a potentially touchy question," she said, "why were you so willing to jump in? Not that it's bad to do that, but I wouldn't have thought that a little kid would be like that."

I grunted and licked my lips. "I hate people who judge others without getting to know them at all, just basing their entire opinion on something that has no bearing on their character or that they have no control over." I closed my eyes and shrugged. "I don't know exactly where it comes from, but I think that the fact that over half the village hating my best friend for something that happened on the day of his birth and was masterminded by someone else had something to do with it." I gave Tenko and Ai a piercing stare and noticed that Tenten had completely stopped following the conversation. "I don't suppose you two realize that Naruto-chan is totally innocent of the attack that happened mere minutes after his birth, do you?" I gave Ai a bitter smile and tilted my head to the side. "'Course, given the fact that I'm pretty sure that the two of you are the only remnants of the Uzumaki clan in the village but I haven't even sensed you anywhere near him makes that seem unlikely."

She sighed and stood there for a minute. "You're... you're right. I should have taken him in. My brother died in the attack, but that doesn't change the fact that I turned my back on a kid who had nowhere else to go and is actually family." She looked at Tenko and smiled. "Honey, do you think Tenten-chan would like a little brother?" I could tell what the answer was when Tenten turned to her mother and stared at her with puppy dog eyes. Not Puppy Dog Eyes(TM), but close.

Tenko chuckled. "I think I'd like to have a son." Tenten squeed and jumped up and down in happiness. Then she grabbed me and Hinata in a big hug. "Well, we should probably get going with that. I don't even know where to start..."

"Go to the Hokage," Father suggested. "Considering his importance, Hokage-sama would get involved anyway."

I raised my hand. "And if you really want to speed it up, tell the secretary to tell Sarutobi-san that the Seer of Time sent you." Ai, Tenko, and Tenten looked at me quizzically. "I think that we might have go to soon. Good luck."

Father stiffened slightly. "Right, I was taking Hinata-chan and Kouki-kun to meet a friend of mine and we really should be going. I hope that we will get to know each other in the future, considering the fact that my son is friends with the boy you're hoping to adopt, but if you will excuse us, we must be leaving now." He looked at Tenten. "If you could release my children, please?" Tenten stopped hugging us and we parted ways.

A few minutes later Father said, "You planned that, didn't you."

I covered my mouth with a hand as I grinned and did my weird snicker that sounds like I'm hissing and I decided to mess with him. "However do you suggest I did that, Father?" I asked in a voice that made it sound like I totally did plan it, even though in this one case I totally hadn't. "Such a feat would require me to have some way to know that they were going to be there beforehand." He gave me a flat look. "Sometimes, when you do good things purely out of the kindness of your heart," I continued, "events line up so nicely that people think that you planned it." He raised an eyebrow. I shrugged and pulled out the small, featureless puppet that I'd bought to test a certain jutsu I was trying to make and started playing around with it using chakra threads. What? Just because I don't plan on using puppet ninjutsu in battle doesn't mean that I should never learn it. "Yeah, I like being all puppetmaster-y, but I really can't take credit for this one. It's just luck."

"That's so cool, Kouki-niisan!" Hinata said as she looked at my puppet. I grinned and made it bow before putting it away.

"Thaaaank you," I said. "Let's go see Father's friend now."

kukukuku~

Tsume guffawed as she looked at me. "So this is the little ankle-biter you saddled yourself with, eh Hiashi?" she said with a grin.

To his credit, I was only able to bend my spine an acute angle to the side before Father said, "Please don't bite my ankle, Kouki-kun."

This naturally made Tsume howl with laughter and then smile at me. "You're alright, kid!"

"Thank you, Inuzuka-san," I said with a small grin. "You seem nice too. Should I go introduce myself to your son?" I asked.

"Go ahead, kid." She grabbed Kiba by the head and lightly shoved him at me, then looked at the nine-year-old Hana. "You should talk to them too, kiddo. I heard Kouki's got some sort of healing jutsu, so you could talk to him about that."

"Hello," I said as she walked over. "Can I pet your puppies," I asked, pointing at the three husky puppies that were trailing behind her.

"Sure," she said with a smile. I bent down and rubbed two of them behind the ears, cooing in a totally not weird way. "Their names are Hashirama, Tobirama, and Hiruzen. We call them the Haimaru triplets."

"After the first three Hokage," I assumed.

"Umm..." Hinata said quietly. "C-can I..." Hana picked up the puppy I wasn't petting and gave him to Hinata. "Thanks..." Kiba walked up to her and started chatting to her about... something. I stopped paying attention, so I'm not sure what.

Hana crouched down next to me and began petting... I think he was Tobirama? "So what was my mom saying about you knowing a healing jutsu?" she asked me.

I shrugged. "Unfortunately it's not the sort of jutsu just anyone can use, if that's what you were hoping for. You have to have a certain special chakra that you don't have, sorry."

She sighed. "Can't be helped. I want to learn medical ninjutsu so I can be a veterinarian. I like animals, so I thought it'd be a nice goal."

I nodded as I started scratching Hiruzen's tummy. "Being any kind of healer is a worthy aspiration," I muttered. "And animals are nice, though I suppose I shouldn't have to say that to an Inuzuka, should I?" She laughed. "I want to learn medical ninjutsu too, but really, mine is just for curiosity." I closed my eyes and chuckled as Hiruzen started licking my fingers. Then I rubbed my fingers on the "skirt" my shirt when he was done. "Mine must seem petty compared to yours, huh?"

She shrugged. "I still think that it's nice to want to learn stuff like that." She chuckled. "Even if it's just curiosity. So what exactly is that healing jutsu of yours?"

I grinned and lit the tip of my finger with a bit of red chakra. "It's a bit of a long story, but I think it's an interesting one..." We chatted for a while. I think I actually made a friend! Plus, it looked like Hinata was having fun with Kiba, so that's good.

kukukuku~

Ai and Tenko walked into that one meeting room of the Hokage's. "You wanted to see us again?" Tenko asked.

"Yes," he said. "Please, sit down." The couple sat down on one of the sofas, with Ai resting her head on Tenko's shoulder, which was really adorable. "There are a few more things that I'd like to discuss with the two of you before you adopt Naruto-kun. It's very important."

"Let's hear it," Ai said as she got a little more comfortable nuzzling Tenko.

"For one, I think you should learn who his father was before you take him in," I said as I sauntered out of the shadows and dropped my very-horrible-but-still-at-least-somewhat-usable Transparency Jutsu. It really only made me a little translucent, really more like stained glass than glass, and there was still an unfortunate amount of disturbance when I moved, but with my dark clothes, the partial tan that I had from actually spending time in the sun, and the shadows, the ability of standing so incredibly still that I become invisible to the eye was easy and attainable, even if I still couldn't eat any zargnuts while doing it... "His name was Namikaze Minato, maybe you've heard of him." I flopped down on the other sofa and sprawled out on the entire thing.

Everyone was silent for a moment as Tenko and Ai looked at me incredulously. After a few seconds, Ai broke the silence by saying, "Not that I'm mad or anything because you're a nice kid, but what the hell are you doing here?"

Sarutobi cleared his throat. "To cut a long story short, I made young Kouki here my advisor because he has the ability to see the future. This is an S-rank secret that should be even more strongly guarded than Naruto's status as a jinchuriki and his heritage." I winked and flashed my open eye at them.

"Okay, so what was that about Naruto's father being the fourth Hokage?" Tenko asked. I took the pictures of Minato and Naruto that I'd prepared for that particular reason and waved them so that the corners hit each other a few times and raised my eyebrows slightly. Seriously who else in Konoha had spiky blonde hair like that? "No, I see that now." She paused. "Actually I'm surprised that not more people have made that connection..."

"People see what they want to see," I stated with a scowl and red eyes. "Any relation to the heroic Fourth aside from 'murderer of' would get in the way of the idea that most of the villagers seem to have built up of how Naruto is a monstrous demon and not a young boy hated by over half the village for the monster sealed inside him to save said village." I scoffed. "Ingrates."

After a few minutes of utter silence, Tenko said, "I'd like to ask why nobody's ever tried to inform the village about his father, then."

I shrugged. "This guy," I pointed at Hiruzen, "decided that Naruto's parents have made some enemies and they aren't around to protect him anymore, so why not just cover up who his parents were, and not even tell him 'til he's either chuunin or sixteen. I begrudgingly accepted his reasoning on the condition that we make sure that Naruto's life isn't completely horrible and he doesn't learn about the Kyuubi or his parentage in completely traumatic circumstances."

"I would have preferred it if you didn't phrase it like that," Hiruzen said, "but that's about it. There's another matter, this one something that Kouki-kun was rather insistent on telling you."

Aiko nodded. "Spill, kid."

I sat up. Kinda. I didn't actually sit like a proper young lady, but at least I wasn't lying down on the sofa, right? "Something you guys should probably know looong before it actually becomes relevant." I tossed them the picture of Obito from when he had to have his ID photo taken. "His name is Uchiha Obito. Pronounced KIA in the Third Ninja War after a cave-in. In actuality, he was abducted by Uchiha Madara, implanted with the genetic material of the First to repair the damage from the cave-in, and groomed to take on Madara's mission. Part of this mission was apparently to attack the village using his Sharingan to control Kyuubi about three-and-a-half years ago."

Tenko sighed. "I suppose it's a little hard to swallow, but so is a young boy with the ability to see the future, so I'm willing to believe you. Why did you want us to know this?"

I lazily bobbed my head. "First, there's the fact that, even if you have the best intentions, the two of you lost a loved one in the Obito attack, so it might've been hard for you to fully put aside the feelings from that if you believed that the thing responsible for that was sitting under your roof inside the boy you adopted. And that would be bad. Second, I plan on eventually getting Naruto-chan and Kurama-chan to make friends with each other, so you two thinking Kurama-chan is a mindless beast might interfere with that." Ai raised her hand. "Kurama's the Kyuubi and yes we are friends," I answered. "Third, you two really should know all the facts."

"Thanks for that, then, kid," Ai said. "Is there anything else we should know?"

I grumbled. "I was gonna tell you two about Jiraiya, but someone," I looked at Hiruzen, "already told you."

"How did you..." Tenko started to say, but then trailed off. "Right, future vision. I'm starting to realize that 'getting to know each other' wasn't the only reason Hyuuga-san had for wanting to get some drinks with us after this." I smiled at the compliment.

"Where is young Tenten, anyway?" Hiruzen asked. "I figured she was waiting outside, but if you're going out for drinks..."

"I love shadow clones," Ai said blissfully. "They're just... so useful."

He nodded. "I agree. If I'm not mistaken, I'm getting done twice the amount of paperwork that I used to, and I'm not even in my office."

"Though, should we be drinking after learning such sensitive information?" Tenko asked. "I love you, Ai, but you can't really hold your alcohol very well."

Ai blushed. "N-no I don't! You can't hold your alcohol very well!"

I looked into the future a bit, hiss-chuckled at Ai's drunken shenanigans, and said, "Ai-san should be fine, though you should keep your guard up just in case. I believe we're done here, you two should go unless you have anything else to ask or declare." As I expected, they didn't, and so summarily left, thanking the two of us as they did.

I slouched into the sofa some more and tossed Hiruzen a scroll. "Suna agreed to let me take a crack at Gaara, right? And about the issue of payment, tell the Kazekage that I'm doing it half out of the kindness of my heart and half to hone my skills with fuinjutsu, so I'm fine if he can't pay me too much relative to the skill level of the job." I shrugged. "Though I would like it if he had any scrolls on jutsu, preferably Wind Release, that he'd be willing to give me." He opened the scroll and made to say something, but I cut him off by saying, "You've probably noticed by now, but I screen any meeting where we discuss sensitive information beforehand. Might need to take a nap tomorrow, even though I slept last night."

"Did you already find a seal to fix Gaara?" Hiruzen asked incredulously as he stared at the scroll.

"Nein," I sighed. "As great as that would've been, we both know that I need more information on his seal to even attempt anything more than a temporary countermeasure. That's just something I whipped up with Kurama-chan's help to deal with the situation for now."

"You really like preparing for everything, don't you?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Just the things that I can think of. Besides, I doubt I'll hear you complaining when I know what to do if Danzo challenges you to a dance-off with the winner becoming Hokage, will I?"

He gave me a flat look. "Kouki-kun, did you get into my secret stash of brownies? Because you really shouldn't eat those."

I blinked. "No I did not. Just going to pretend you never said that."

"If anyone asks, it's for my back."

"Just make sure it doesn't interfere with your work," I advised. "The solution to that problem," I said like he hadn't said anything hinting at drug use, "is to just laugh him out of the office because the Hokage is not chosen based solely on one's ability to get down and boogie, but at the same time make sure that you could theoretically beat him in a dance-off. And try to engineer events so that, if Danzo has his... modifications... at the time of the dance-off, those modifications get unveiled in public and in front of a captive audience, thus casting suspicion onto his character."

He grunted. "A sensible answer to a nonsensical problem. What about the current problem of Gaara, by the way?"

I nodded and slipped into Serious Mode (yes, I have one of those), and then actually did sit up like a proper young lady. "Write this down. That scroll contains instructions to make and an example of the Inner Demon Calming Seal, a one-use seal of my and Kurama's invention that forcibly suppresses red chakra in any being with red chakra that is not a Biju - i.e. me or a jinchuriki - by way of using some of their own red chakra as fuel to cause the rest to return to the chakra coils. Tell the Kazekage to have at least three copies of it made and ready at all times, preferably more. One copy will be given to Gaara himself, who will be instructed to use it at any time when he feels like Shukaku might be trying to rise up while he's awake. The other two are to be given to shinobi of appropriate skill who are to follow Gaara around in shifts and intervene if they feel Gaara is having a problem but can't deal with it himself for whatever reason.

"Any seals that have been used will enter a state where they cannot be used again but give diagnostic information on Gaara at the time of usage, so they are to be sent to me with time used for analysis. Note that the way the seals are set up, an error in writing will most likely cause one of three problems. The first two are that it will not suppress the chakra, which is the reason why there are to be three, and complete failure in the data recording. These two are hopefully trivial matters, though there might be some inconvenience. The third is to be taken more seriously, however. Should the mechanism that regulates the reaction fail, unfortunately, the seal will continue to siphon some of Shukaku's red chakra even after it's been suppressed, as evidenced by the red glow persisting after Gaara's back to normal. It isn't nearly enough to put Gaara in danger of dying by all of Shukaku's chakra being extracted, but it will create a miniature Biju Dama should it reach critical mass. Before this happens, the seal must be removed from Gaara and sent at least ten meters from him, which will cause the seal to stop and the built-up chakra to disperse. Send the scroll and those instructions as soon as possible with further instructions to gather any and all information on Gaara's seal plus any information on Gaara himself that they think might be relevant, like medical records and chakra composition, as well as any questions and statements they might have." He looked at me incredulously, and then I slouched back down, sighed, and said, "The annoying thing about Serious Mode is that I can only do it for so long..."

Hiruzen sighed, closed his eyes, and said, "That seems about right. Are you leaving soon?" This was answered when he opened his eyes and saw a note in my place with the word "yup" on it. "How did he do that?" the Hokage muttered.

kukukuku~

The couple met another couple in front of the... I guess it was a bar? Anyway, Ai told Tenko that she saw Hiashi and someone who she guessed was probably his wife. "Hey, Hyuuga-san!" Ai said as she walked up to him. She elbowed him and said, "Is that your wife? She's hot!"

Hyuuga Hizashi looked over at his wife with puzzlement. "Do we know her?" he mouthed at aunt Hikaru.

"No," she mouthed back, shaking her head slightly.

At this exact moment, the real Hiashi and Hikari showed up. "Ah, good," Hiashi said. "I see you two have met." Ai slowly looked at Hizashi, then at Hiashi, then back to Hizashi.

"I haven't even touched the alcohol and I'm already seeing double," Ai groused. "What the heck?"

Tenko chuckled and planted a kiss on her girlfriend's cheek. "I think that those two might be his brother and sister-in-law, sweetie. Hiashi-san said that they would be here too."

Ai glared at Father. "You could have warned us that they're your clones," she complained.

"Identical twins and he did," Tenko reminded her.

Father chuckled. "Ai-san and Tenko-san, this is my darling wife Hikari," he gave her a small kiss, "and you seem to have already acquainted yourself with my brother Hizashi and his wife, Hikaru." He pointed at them. "Shall we enter, then?" They entered and were escorted to a private room by the staff.

"What, exactly, is with the private rooms?" Tenko asked as they sat down and ordered some drinks.

"This establishment is often used for meetings between clans as a sort of neutral ground," Father explained. "The owner takes the privacy of the clients who make use of the private rooms very seriously. They're soundproofed, the staff regularly check for any kind of bugs, they knock before coming in, and there are even seals placed on the rooms that make them unseeable by chakra-sensing or even the Byakugan."

"Actually, what about the Shoraigan?" Hikaru asked. As soon as she did, there was a knock on the door. When the staff member was let in, he said that a young boy had given him a note to get to his aunt, Hikaru. After the guy left, everyone else looked at aunt Hikaru. She opened the note and read, "What do you think? ~Love Kouki."

There was some awkward silence followed by Tenko clearing her throat. "So when are our drinks arriving, do you think?"

"Probably about now," Hizashi guessed. There was another knock on the door. "I swear I didn't plan that," he quickly added.

"Kouki-kun has had an impact on you, hasn't he?" Tenko asked.

Mother sighed. "He's not bad or anything, if that's what you're implying, but it's that he seems to like to play around with people and show off with his future vision and other unique powers, which can be... not exactly annoying, but... odd... at times." She then actually managed to almost look into my eyes and say, "And I'm not just saying that because you may or may not be watching, Kouki-kun."

Heh. I could show more of their conversation, but this chapter's probably getting long enough and that was about all that I wanted to show anyway. So to sum it all up, Ai got really drunk and kept hitting on Tenko. Ah, young love.

kukukuku~

I think I should make note of a few things I'd asked Hiruzen about earlier. Tenten's father, Uzumaki Shigechi, was actually the Uzumaki clan head before he died, with his younger sister having become clan head after his death. Funnily enough this meant that Tenten kinda had two separate claims to being the Uzumaki heiress, being the only daughter of the previous clan head and basically the adopted daughter of the current clan head. Though really Shigechi only became the clan head after the destruction of Uzushiogakure on account of being one of only a few Uzumaki actually being left over. As for why Kushina wasn't clan head? It actually wasn't because she was a jinchuriki. Instead, it was because she was actually Hashirama's granddaughter (apparently she was actually Tsunade's cousin, which I suppose fit with all the other times jinchuriki were related to a Kage) and she and some other people had concerns about the head of the much smaller Uzumaki clan being in line to become the Senju clan head. The same went for why Tsunade or her dad didn't become the Uzumaki clan head, though apparently her dad wasn't as cool with the decision. Not that anyone even listened to him.

But that was in the past. Currently, I was talking jutsu with Kurama.

"Demon Infusion?" I offered, playing around the puppet and some red chakra. "Maybe if I make the yin chakra and yang chakra separately?" I thought.

Kurama gave a thoughtful hum. "It sounds fine, I guess, but why does it need to sound demonic?"

I shrugged. "I've heard of biju referred to as demons before, and giving myself a demonic motif just sounds cool."

"I suppose that that's as good a reason as any when dealing with you," he sighed. There was a bright flash from the window, illuminating the dark, dusky sky, and a crash of thunder followed a moment later. "Eeep!" Kurama... shrieked? That felt weird to say... So he... shrieked... and jumped into my arms.

I looked down at him flatly. "You do realize I'm working, right?"

He scoffed haughtily and turned his head away. "I was just... startled, is all."

I looked out the window, specifically at the heavily pouring rain. "You do realize that it's been overcast the whole day, right? And now it's pouring buckets."

"Shut up," he said as he jumped out of my arms and onto my desk.

"I can't do that, but I can change the subject," I offered. Kurama muttered something that could have been a "fine." "So do you think that I could get Six Paths Sage Mode if I got some chakra from all nine biju?"

He stared at me for a few moments. "Maybe? You do realize that the problem with this theory is that you need to get the chakra of all nine for this to work, yes?"

I shrugged. "True, but at the same time, I have yours and I'm hoping to get some of Shukaku's when I go over to Suna, so I'm almost one third of the way there already!"

He flicked his tail. "Perhaps you should think of an easier jutsu to obtain?"

I sighed. "You're probably right." I thought for a moment, then snapped my fingers. "Do you think I could make a Gudo Dama if I were to get all five chakra natures in red chakra?" I asked.

This took him a bit of thought as I fiddled with the puppet some more. "I... don't know. Maybe. If you count Shukaku's magnet release that you're hoping to obtain, you then have fire release and wind release from me and earth release and wind release from him. Assuming your theory works, you'll need water release from Isobu, Kokuo, Saiken, or Gyuki and lightning release from Chomei or Gyuki."

I nodded. "It seems that I'll have to engineer events so that I meet B if I don't want to wait like thirteen years for when I know Fuu is going to finally be out of Taki."

"That does seem like the most efficient way to find out, doesn't it?" He then somehow gave off the aura of a Cheshire cat smile despite having his face permanently stuck in a regular cat smile. "Too bad there's still so much animosity between Konoha and Kumo, huh?"

I gave a smile. An evil smile. "Oh, I know. I plan on using it." Okay, so I didn't really have any plans, but I have an image to keep up, y'know? Anyway, lightning struck at that moment, as if on cue. Yet again, Kurama shrieked and jumped into my arms. "You're sending mixed messages, you know? Do you want to stay in my arms or not?"

"Shut. It."

I smiled. "It's okay if you don't like lightning. I imagine that you used to get hit all the time, with how big you are..."

He grunted. "Guess that's one perk of being so fucking tiny..." I blinked. Oops. Probably shouldn't have pressed that particular button...

I was frantically thinking of which random topic to use to distract him with when the door suddenly burst open. "Nii-san!" Hinata tackle-hugged me.

I lightly chuckled as I closed the door with chakra threads. To keep up with the ruse that I was Hinata's bodyguard, my bedroom was placed close to hers, which was probably why she came to me. "You don't like lightning either, do you Hina-chan?" She shook her head slightly and buried her face deeper into my shoulder. "Don't worry, Kurama's afraid of it too." I idly remembered a funny video my dad showed me one day from this one movie called... Ted, I think it was. "Hey, you two could be thunder buddies!" I backed out of Hinata's hug and deposited Kurama in her hands. He glared at me for a moment before another flash of lightning caused the two to flinch into each other. "Well, I think our parents are done now and none of them brought an umbrella, so I'll be going now." I left, taking the umbrella that I'd bought some time ago with me.

kukukuku~

I decided that I rather like the rain, assuming I have an umbrella, at least. Having waterproof boots and not open-toed shoes probably helped a bit too. It felt calming seeing all of the water falling, plus with how high the water was I could practice water-walking! Speaking of practicing jutsu, I was also using puppetry jutsu on my little puppet to manipulate it into screwing around with a ball of my red chakra for me. I'd managed to make it luminesce even as I tried to prime it for the jutsu I was actually trying to make, which I was using like a lantern. "I probably need to put in the yin first..." I muttered as I got closer to their chakra signatures. I rounded a corner and saw all four of them standing under a awning. "Father, Mother, Uncle, Aunt," I greeted as they stared at me. "It's been cloudy all day, I didn't need my eyes to know it'd rain. At least one of you should have brought an umbrella."

"Thank you for coming to get us, Kouki-kun," Mother said. "But I don't think your umbrella will fit the five of us." I grinned, made a half ram seal with the hand holding the umbrella, and handed it to Father.

"Channel some chakra into it," I told him. I could tell he did what I asked when seals flared up on the umbrella and a chakra shield extended enough to fit everyone comfortably. "Rather simple chakra form change seals," I explained. "The final version's gonna have more options than just that." We started walking home under the cover of my umbrella. While the others were talking, I continued to mess with the puppet. After a while, something... clicked and I was finally able to combine the yin and yang without it canceling out and becoming normal red chakra. The altered red chakra was absorbed into the puppet, so I let the strings dissipate and dropped it onto my palm. Despite it being an inanimate object, it landed on its feet and stayed standing. With a mental command from me, the puppet started punching the air, but stopped after a bit and shrugged at me. I sighed.

"What's wrong, Kouki-kun?" aunt Hikaru asked.

"I just finished a jutsu I was working on, but to actually use it in battle, I'd need a lot more chakra than I have at the moment," I muttered.

She smiled. "I'm sure you'll be able to use it eventually."

I sighed. "Yeah, but..." I had a flash of inspiration and actually had to check that I hadn't accidentally activated my eyes from the sudden mental rush. I grinned. "Nyahahaha~ NYEEHAHAHAHAHA!~" Lightning crashed during my maniacal laugh, which was just great.

"That's probably not a good sign," uncle Hizashi noted.

kukukuku~

Kurama woke up feeling rather refreshed, so much so that he wasn't really that annoyed by the little girl snuggling up to him and trapping him. Stupid tiny toy body with almost no strength... The first thing he saw upon waking was the back of my office chair. "You know... you two are lucky I didn't need to sleep tonight, or I would've had you leave my room," my voice said from the other side of the chair.

"What do you want, Kouki?" Kurama asked.

I turned my chair around, revealing me stroking the puppet on my lap like it was a cat with a grin. What? My actual cat-shaped thing was occupied at the moment. "What do you know about... Pause for dramatic effect... Natural energy?"

"U-um, Kurama-san?" Hinata asked as she sat up. "Should I be worried about that?"

"Knowing Kouki, probably."

[dfcfanfics]

Rumination on Communication

Some kind commenters gave me very nice feedback on my post-Season-3 one-shot, After the Storm Breaks (on sale now at a FFN or AO3 near you!).  The phrase “fix-it fic” came up a couple of times.  And I reflected on what I wrote and what I’ve seen, and had to sit back and consider... what, exactly, is it that’s broken?

A compliment that I’ve gotten a few times on my stories is that “you write a Marinette and Adrien that can actually talk to each other and be honest with each other.”  Well, yeah, and I’m far from alone in that; _those_ are the ideal Marinette and Adrien that can actually make some Love Square progress and realize that potential.  Looking back on Season 3 in general, though, it becomes clear that for a show with no serial episode continuity... they actually did a pretty good job weaving a consistent theme through the episodes, and that is that an inability to communicate effectively is the major flaw that needs to be overcome by Our Heroes and their supporting cast.

Marinette and Adrien are, of course, simply made for each other.  She fell for him the instant that umbrella reached out toward her... but it wasn’t just the kindness of his action.  It was what he did right before that; he opened up to her about himself, he shared a piece of himself honestly and directly even though she’d been unwittingly misjudging him, and he did so without expectation.  And her heart went aflutter.  What are some things that he really likes about her?  She’s honest to a fault.  She hates lies and liars.  She’s passionate about the things she believes in and ready to stand up in their defense.  She’s the first one to put others’ needs above her own.  She doesn’t play games or put up false fronts.  (Oh, if he only knew.)

And when they turn their brains off and simply _be_ with each other, things click.  Look at the Startrain cuddle scene, the casual intimacy, the closeness.  Look at Oblivio, the instant connection when they are with each other without inherited expectations and beliefs.  Look at the facial expressions that Adrien has been giving Marinette all season long.  The romantic potential is _completely_ there, and will eventually be there.  But... 

* Marinette tries to express herself in a letter, since she can’t say it out loud... and Fate says “uh-uh, no short cuts, here’s some suppositories for you instead.”

* Marinette gets pressured into confessing to a wax statue... but it’s not a statue, it’s the real deal, and once _again_ she explodes with anxiety and lies to Adrien’s face about her feelings, cementing in his mind that she’s simply not interested in him that way.  

* Marinette tells Chat Noir she’s in love with him as a desperate cover story... and that snowballs into an awkward lunch where they’re both dancing around being honest with each other, for fear of hurt feelings.

* Adrien _realizes_ that Marinette had feelings for him, thanks to the Valentine that he finally discovers was from Marinette all along... but makes an assumption, based on both her to-his-face denial of feelings and what he saw in Silencer and Frozer, that she’s moved on, that she’s into Luka now.  And he never follows up on that or asks her about him.

* Adrien’s peer-interaction deficit bites him hard once again in Puppeteer 2, where he not only shatters Marinette with his reference to “the girl that I love,” but allows his worries and Nino’s bad information to convince him that this girl who’s made him handmade gifts, goes out of her way to appreciate him and is someone he truly cares about doesn’t even want him as a friend any more.  And, once again, rather than ask about that directly and figure out what (if anything) he’d done wrong... he lets it spiral into a bigger problem.

Communication issues happen beyond just the two of them, of course.  The class going from “Marinette is an avatar of Truth and goodness” to “hey, Lila’s here now so Marinette is just jealous” in one episode’s time spawned a million saltfics.  Chloe’s demotion from being Queen Bee gets danced around and somewhat avoided, leaving Chloe flashing the Bee Signal regularly and growing more and more despondent, and _that_ bites them all on the ass big time at the end of the season.  The Akumas in general, as usual, arise from a cavalcade of misunderstandings.

And what of our new love interests?  THEY, on the other hand... are capable of being direct and honest.  

Luka is as direct as they come in Silencer; he tells Marinette to her face as Silencer that he’s crazy about her, and then _repeats_ it as his true self.  And what does this do to her, an open confession from someone who’s turned her head in the past, a handsome and kind boy whom she really likes?

...Nothing.  She has no idea how to process it.  She’s locked onto Adrien 120% and blows right by what Luka said, calling him “just a friend” afterwards, not taking the implications of his words seriously until much later.

Kagami, in her own words, “never hesitates.”  And yet... socially, she does.  She is lonely, she is reaching out for friendship, she is eager to experience things with friends her own age.  Once she gets to know Marinette, the two of them click, surprising Marinette greatly.  Sensing Marinette’s interest in Adrien, Kagami _does_ hold back for a while, giving Marinette an opportunity to speak her mind... but when Marinette doesn’t, Kagami doesn’t want to hurt Marinette, but just sitting back and waiting isn’t who she is.  She expresses herself to Adrien directly and unmistakably, and while it’s up in the air whether that’ll stick... she has more immediate success on the romantic front with Adrien than Marinette has had in three seasons.

We all know that Adrienette is endgame.  It simply has to be.  But in the meantime, when Adrien stares at Ladybug rejecting him for at least the fifth time, then eyes Marinette longingly but can’t talk with her about whether she and Luka are a thing, and then has an attractive, engaging friend lean in for a kiss and ask him to be hers?  And when Marinette sees what she thinks is Adrien officially going off the market, assuming that “the girl that I love” was Kagami all along, and then has this honest, open boy next to her who’s _right there_ and is a sure thing if she reaches out to him?

Adrienette is simply _not ready_ to happen.  

Maybe Adrigami and Lukanette will teach each of them some things about communication.  Maybe, with much romantic pressure removed, Adrien and Marinette _will_ learn to talk to each other in Season 4 or beyond.  Maybe each of them will learn to overcome their fears of rejection, fears of failure, fears of inadequacy and come back around to viewing each other in that light down the road.

But, for now... I think they both might be just where they need to be.

[lovemesomesurveys]

What would you honestly do if you had a million dollars? First and foremost I’d pay off my debt. I’d also help out my parents and brother. Then I’d buy us a house. We’d have to take a nice vacation somewhere. Then if there was anything left, I’d put it into savings. Do you pretend to be something you’re not to make friends? Ha, no. Look at my surveys. I’m very open and honest with y’all and it’s not pretty. I’d try to make myself sound cooler if that were the case, but I definitely don’t. In person it’s even more apparent. What ya see is what ya get. When was the last time someone disappointed you? I’m a constant disappointment to myself. Are you still in school? Nope.

Where do you see yourself 10 years from now? I don’t know, man. I have to take it day by day.

Are you more of a shy or outgoing person? I’m very shy and introverted. I’m a hermit crab.

How many hours of sleep per night do you usually get? I typically go to bed around 5AM and get up around 12-1PM, but I wake up a couple times or so during that time so who knows how much sleep I actually get. Would you rather listen to new music or the classics? I love a mix of both, which is what my Spotify consists of. I just hit shuffle. Can you do a cartwheel? No. What does friendship mean to you in your life? I don’t have any friends anymore, but to be perfectly honest I’m okay with that. What is the closest yellow thing next to you? There’s yellow on my shirt. Do you currently feel any sadness? I’m a sad, sleepy soul. Are you more of an athlete or artist? Neither, but I guess out of the two I’d say artist cause I like to color lol. I don’t do anything athletic.  Is it hard for you to break the ice with new people? Yeah. Do you judge people by groups or by individuals? Individual.  What do you think was the stupidest movie ever created? Oh boy, uhhh. There’s been several that I didn’t even bother to see cause they looked so bad. Who is your hero and why? My mom. If you could be someone else for a week, who would it be? A functioning, healthy adult. What do you want people to remember you for when you die? Something good would be nice. Do you always respond to chain letters? Damn, how old is this survey? I never responded to those. They were so annoying. Would you rather text someone or call them? Text. Or neither. ha. What are you afraid of most? Losing loved ones and things never getting better/getting worse. Do you spend too much time online? Probably, but *shrug* Are you the type to procrastinate? I’m a PROcrastinator.  What is your biggest annoyance? Oh where to begin... Do you use any drugs? No. Do you believe that you’ll always be a kid at heart? Yeah. It comes out the most at Disneyland. I get pretty excited to meet the characters and ride the cute little kid rides lol. They’re so nostalgic for me. The Peter Pan one is so cute. Are you currently in a relationship? No. What do you like to do for fun? Tumblr, surveys, social media, watch YouTube, watch TV, listen to music, read, and color. Do you have a job? No. Can you type without looking at the keyboard? Yeah. I’ve been able to that for quite a long time now given that I’ve been using a computer since I was like 8. What is something you want to improve on this year? There’s a lot I need to improve on... I’ve been saying that for the past few years, though. Do you have any pets? I sure do. I have a 3 year old German Shepherd/Lab named Princess Leia. What is your dream car? I don’t have one. How many times a day do you get angry? I’m very moody and irritable everyday, but it takes more to make me angry. If you could, would you want to stay young forever? If I could just stop aging now that would be cool. Are the books better or worse than the movies? I’ve enjoyed a lot of movies based on books, but I wouldn’t say any of them were better. There were a few bad ones that just strayed way too far. Are you afraid of the dark? Yeah. I did love the show by that name as a kid, though. ha. If you could eat any food you want right now, what would it be? Boneless garlic parm wings. Are you a racist person? No. Do you ever feel like people use you? I’ve felt that way in the past. I’m not of use to anyone anymore. Do you keep in contact with your friends during the summer? What is your favorite month of the year? October and December. If you were going to die right now, what would your last words be? Uh, I don’t know. Probably nothing if I just croaked. Does Jeapordy make you feel dumb? Yeah, haha. What is/was your worst subject in school? Math. Always. Are you a sarcastic person? Nah, never. What role does religion play in your life? It’s a priority in my life. Can you sleep with your eyes open? No. 

[boaws]

BOAWS Top Records of 2019

20 – Control Top – Covert Contracts (Get Better)

Sometimes you sit around and you try and think about what makes an album good or why you like it as much as you do and it's not entirely easy to narrow it down to one or two things. Usually there are some distinctive parts or sounds that strike me, but occasionally there are albums like Covert Contracts that bring together a number influences and pull them off quite nicely...and it just simply rips. I guess the three years between their debut EP and this first full-length were well spent refining whatever they were ingesting musically at the time, as what came out is a wild blast of post-punk that spans decades worth of sounds/eras that all fit along snugly next to one another on Convert Contracts. Is it going to reinvent the genre? Absolutely not. But is it kind of dance-able while also trying to smoothly hide that black eyeliner? Yup. It sure is. But it's also really good at doing it too. Control Top - Unapologetic (stream) BUY IT! 19 – Spotlights – Love & Decay (Ipecac)

Spotlights ride the fine line between post-metal and shoegaze, which I'm usually a little weary of because boy oh boy is there a lot of those bands and all those big riffs generally amount to a big old snoozefest. However, Spotlights caught my attention awhile back when their named popped up when playing alongside Hum on one of their many sporadic appearances. Turns out Spotlights weren't too shabby and their album Seismic was a bit of a winner too. They've since released their second album for Ipecac records and it takes the balance between the two aforementioned genres and toes that line even further. Love & Decay tweaks things a bit closer to the metal side of things, but still with some Midwestern flair and creativity in the realm of melody and definitely has the layers to appeal to the shoegaze crowd. Spotlights - Xerox (stream) BUY IT! 18 – Spit-Take – Falling Star (Dead Broke)

Spit-Take have been scattered around these pages plenty of times before, usually good for churning out two or three songs per release that make me appreciate them all that much more. Falling Star would mark their third full-length effort and it's about as consistent of a record that I've heard them release that sees them navigate though a pleasant balance of classic indie-rock/power-pop vibes while also throwing out some very Midwestern-ish clanky emo run throughs (“How”), which is usually always a good way to work your way into my memory. Short and sweet and available on both cassette and LP. Spit-Take - How (stream) BUY IT! 17 – VR Sex – Human Traffic Jam (Dais)

This is basically an alter ego of Andrew Clinco of Drab Majesty, wherein he typically goes by the alias of Deb Demure...here he opts for Noel Skum. I'm taking a guess that it's supposed to reflect the shift into a grimier/noisier side of the dreamy landscape that Drab Majesty typically inhabits. VR Sex contain much of the same undertones of something that Mr. Clinco would be associated with, remaining vastly catchy and rhythmic but now the game is a disassociated future where technology has apparently ruined society and now it gets darker, louder, and muddled in filth. Skum indeed. I'm not so sure the message is as conveyed as the presser would like one to believe, but I enjoy the tunes from a standpoint that it sounds like a slightly more modern Sisters of Mercy, Red Lorry Yellow Lorry or something along those lines. Not bad. I guess Human Traffic Jam will gain another level of appreciation years from now if it ends up hitting the nail on the head and we do in fact find ourselves in some type of Black Mirror episode. VR Sex - Sacred Limousine (stream) BUY IT! 16 – Cave In – Final Transmission (Hydrahead)

The trajectory for Cave In over the years has been one of the more interesting ones. Once a premier metalcore/hardcore band, they pulled the rug out from just about everyone and released their second album Jupiter, which sounded nearly like a different band...showcasing big hooks, melodies, and definitely a large infatuation with space-rock themes. I naturally loved it and was actually kind of excited for some reason when I saw that they had landed on a major label for their third album Antenna. Sadly it didn't go as planned and it was pretty much over after that album came and went without moving the needle a whole lot. Fast forward a handful of years following major label disappointment, the band suffers the tragic loss of bassist Caleb Scofield. The band had been in the process of recording/demoing for their first album in 8 years up until the point of his death and the recordings on Final Transmission are a collection of those. Andrew Schneider and James Plotkin did a nice job in smoothing out some of the rougher edges around what were mostly unfinished recordings, cause honestly I can't really tell in most places and the songs stand on their own for the most part. Final Transmission is, or likely would have been, an album that plants itself right in between Jupiter and Antenna, circling back to some of the spacey atmosphere and guitar tones that fed greatly into both of those albums sound. Possibly the album they would have made if RCA hadn't come knocking? Although it's unknown to me whether this is an actual final statement for the band, if it does indeed end up being that, it's a good'n. Cave In - Night Crawler (stream) BUY IT! 15 – The Bismarck – We Will Never Be Young Again (Self-Released)

The Bismarck have been around long enough to still have an actual website that hasn't been updated in years. As someone who still pays yearly hosting costs for some dumb reason and haven't quite convinced myself not to anymore, I guess I get it...but I know that's gotta be costly. The band is firmly in the PRF rock stable of bands, so that right there should give most of you an idea of what The Bismarck bring to the table. Over a run of what I think is five albums now, We Will Never Be Young Again seems to be an album that wants to prove defiant of its title, coming with full fire and energy and holy shit...anthems? Yeah. A song title like “Fuck You, Let's Boogie” certainly seems like something you could easily write off, but ends up being a bona fide gem of a tune. Solid album all the away around and if it ends up being to your liking, they have a rather deep catalog to pull from if curiosity strikes. The Bismarck - Fuck You, Let's Boogie (stream) BUY IT! 14 – Crumb – Jinx (Self-Released)

First album for the Brooklyn based Crumb and I'd thought I'd heard an EP or something before this, but upon further research, it would appear I hadn't. This introduction is fine enough anyway, wherein they combine that niche of slacker ethos that worked its way through a number of indie bands in the 90's and spin it with a chilled loungy/psych thing. Maybe a tinge of jazz influence here and there, but more or less it sticks to the poppy psych side of it all, leaving for a very breezy and smooth 28 minutes of music. The ambiance, or I guess mood, of Jinx is pretty heavy throughout, likely forcing the album to be something that is relegated to particular times of which it strikes just right, however when it does...it certainly works. Crumb - The Letter (stream) BUY IT! 13 – Razorlegs – Skip Skool (Self-Released)

Latest cassette from this improvisational noise/psych outfit, each side consisting of its own roughly 18 minute long descent into fuzz, pummel and blown amps. Side one is “Transistor Love” and gets things going with a rapid paced drum explosion that contends to outpace the entirety of the track, leaving me seemingly off balance for the duration. There are faint voices coming and going as the track progresses into its squalls of feedback and I'm left to envision that this is to mimic the joys of still using the radio dial (FM mute OFF...no cheaters) and then it promptly ends...picking back up with another steady drum beat that steers pretty much the rest of the track from one critical guitar injury to another. Flip the tape, you have “Skip Skool” and we're off with a death march of drums and the sputtering flare ups of distortion before turning into a full fledged burnt out psych mantra, sounding like it's trying to rip and tear its way off the tape that it was laid on to. Razorlegs - Transistor Love (stream) BUY IT! 12 – Breastmilk – Bliss (Chicago Research)

Chicago Research put out a variety of things this past year that I thought were all very solid in their own uniquely bleak and disturbing way, however Breastmilk kind of wins out of for things to play in the background if you genuinely want someone to be creeped out while being in your house. An interesting take on downtempo, that reaches its grimy fingers into the same head spaces of Throbbing Gristle, Nurse With Wound or the likes. An ebb and flowing bass churn scrapes along for 18 minutes of whatever hellscape this may be, the opener “Transient” using a ring-back tone to voicemail sample to unnerving ability. Not to mention a woman sobbing to the background of glass shattering and various other noises on “Jesus Piece”. Breastmilk provides the soundtrack for the horror, however part of the fun of Bliss is the open ended scenarios of whom and what it's playing for... Breastmilk - Transient (stream) BUY IT! 11 – HTRK – Venus in Leo (Ghostly International)

It sure doesn't feel like it's been roughly five years since HTRK released the excellent Psychic 9-5 Club, but that's the case. Following the death of co-founding member Sean Stewart, HTRK continued forward as a duo and have seen their sound venture further into the electronic world; relinquishing the heavy low end found on early recordings while cold pulses of bass and synth have since flooded over. Remaining consistent has been Jonnine Standish's vocal presence throughout, one that dictates the miscues, misery and loneliness in hushed breathy swoops. On their fourth effort, Venus in Leo, Standish and guitarist Nigel Yang return to the same nighttime introspection of regret, however with Yang's shimmering guitars coming back into play more so than we've heard in quite a while...fading in and out of the background. I kind of miss the heavy minimalism, almost deep-house vibe, that Psychic 9-5 Club had...but melancholy plays out in many different ways...and Venus in Leo seems to be the way HTRK wanted to tackle it this time. No matter, it's still immensely enjoyable. HTRK - Dream Symbol (stream) BUY IT! 10 – Jessica Pratt – Quiet Signs (Drag City)

Funny note, Quiet Signs was one of the first albums of 2019 that I really liked and accordingly I included one of the tunes from it on that respective months mix. My now fiance listened to it and then sent me a picture of the name of the song that was on and simply said “hate this”. Noted. It's OK though, we still love each other. How could you hate something as serene as Quiet Signs? Anyway, Jessica Pratt has been honing in her sound for several years now and took the plunge with her third album to record in a proper studio, which resulted in an album that sounds really far removed from being recorded in a proper studio oddly enough. The sparseness in instrumentation and the dreamlike echoes of Pratt's voice feel like both are in the same room with you, but still somehow a million miles away...or if that I'm not careful enough the whole thing will disappear entirely. It's the indescribable feeling of distance and brief lapses of clarity that make Quiet Signs so beautiful sounding. It comes and goes all too quick however, so I'll be anxiously awaiting the next appearance from Jessica Pratt. Jessica Pratt - This Time Around (stream) BUY IT! 09 – Notches – New Kind of Love (Dead Broke / Salinas)

Was blown away by Notches and their debut record High Speed Crimes around three or so years ago. It was pretty much everything I could ask for in a pop/punk record, bringing plenty of fuzz/distortion and a heaping fuck ton of melody. While New Kind of Love doesn't necessarily register on that same scale with me, it's still a fantastic record from a band that continues to peel off some of the catchiest material within the genre. It being the bands third album and all, it's kind of fun noticing them “growing older” of sorts and moving away from the turned up to “11” mindset. It's about the song now man, I mean it's always been I'm sure, but now it's no longer buried underneath a sheet of distortion. Can't blame them. I entered my listening to public talk radio in the car phase of my life here not too long. Totally feel ya. Give these guys a listen please. Notches - Funny How (stream) BUY IT! 08 – Dry Cleaning – Boundary Road Snacks and Drinks (It's OK)

From the opener “Dog Proposal” Dry Cleaning establishes very quickly that Boundary Road Snacks and Drinks is exhausting. I don't mean that in the negative sense either. The second EP from the UK based post-punk group is merely informing all of you out there that life is just extra fucking exhausting. Because it most certainly is. Singer Florence Shaw takes the six songs on this EP and crams so much of our current day-to-day nonsense in it that I'm basically getting an anxiety attack listening to this sucker. However, the honesty is appreciated and the contradicting jauntiness of some of these tunes is an excellent way to remind that no matter how tired I am that everything else is going to keep rolling as it always has. While there are much bigger issues at hand that Dry Cleaning tackle throughout, it's the debilitation of everything as a whole that Boundary Road Snacks and Drinks really conveys the most. After two excellent samplings from the band, it's pretty terrifying to think of the destruction on my nerves that they could cause with a full-length. Time will hopefully tell. Dry Cleaning - Viking Hair (stream) BUY IT! 07 – Kim Gordon – No Home Record (Matador)

It had never really occurred to me that Kim Gordon had never released a solo album up until this point of her lengthy career. I was kind of blown away by that to be honest. I guess it's just that Thurston Moore seems to fart one out here and there, so I'd assumed Gordon had done the same. However, as it stands, No Home Record is Kim Gordon's first solo effort and completely took me by surprise. Maybe I'd expected it to sound much like her material in Body/Head? I don't know. Or for it to be closer threaded to Sonic Youth? That's unfair, I know, but it is what it is. The good deal is that No Home Record is completely left field of about anything I expected; that takes equal parts no-wave and drags it through the glitch/industrial minefield. Gordon's voice fits right in with it all, adding to the instability and jarring nature of practically everything on this record. I'd never thought I would have wished for a Kim Gordon experimental electronica record, but it's 2020 baby and things are apparently really fucking different now. Fantastic stuff. Kim Gordon - Don't Play It (stream) BUY IT! 06 – Joshua Abrams Natural Information Society – Mandatory Reality (Eremite)

I somehow wish I could have this album playing practically the entire time I'm at work (it's almost long enough), but unfortunately my boss sits perched only a mere few feet away from me to ensure that maximum stress is achieved. Joshua Abrams and the NIC have created an absolutely astonishing collection of work on Mandatory Reality that is likely easier to zone out to than to deliberately ignore. You'll want to, because wherever Mandatory Reality exists, the grass is most certainly greener and I'm frantically waving my ticket to hop aboard whatever space-age craft is going to take me there at any given time. But really more to the actual music, Joshua Abrams and the NIC have laid out 4 slow moving, borderline minimalist, pieces of avant-garde jazz that sooth and calm the bludgeoning attempts of our actual mandatory reality sometimes. It's pretty brilliant and perfectly recorded/captured by Greg Norman. Played on a proper stereo, it's a variety of nuanced sound that demands repeated listens simply on that alone. Joshua Abrams Natural Information Society - Shadow Conductor (stream) BUY IT! 05 – 55 Deltic – You Could Own an American Home (Kingfisher Bluez / Strictly No Capital Letters / Barely Regal)

I love the title of this record so much, because here sometime in the next year we're going to have to start looking for a house and having been through this rodeo once before...I know how utterly dreary that's going to be. The only fun part about it right now, is the non serious part where I'm just cruising Zillow listings at work and seeing the inside of all these cool houses I can't afford. And what better of an idea to center an emo/slowcore record around? In actuality I'm pretty positive that's not what 55 Deltic are even remotely channeling here, but I would imagine there is a definite longing/nostalgia for a time when working towards a successful future was something not increasingly hard to obtain. The songs on You Could Own an American Home weigh heavily through a slow but sturdy pace, that lines up well with bands like Bedhead or Codeine, who both seemed to pull at a lot of the same strings that 55 Deltic are equally bummed out about no longer being commonplace in society. Really enjoyed this one, as it touches upon a lot of the aspects I like about the genre and isn't afraid of getting a little raucous here and there. 55 Deltic - Tangen (stream) BUY IT! 04 – Cherubs – Immaculada High (Relapse)

I guess the rumor of Cherubs signing to Relapse finally came true...albeit for their second album, fourth overall. Not sure why that took so long, but whatever...here we are...Cherubs consuming roster space on the same label that I remember receiving some pretty wild catalogs from years and years ago and lots and lots of pretty bad cover art. Or really good cover art if you were into grindcore. Either way. I guess it makes sense, Cherubs were, and are, fairly extreme in the realms of the noise-rock world, being a band that released one of the true classics in Heroin Man. When they got back together, there was a level of fear that the burden of having to follow that sucker up would be a bit hard to do, but 2 Ynfynyty wiped away any concern of that as I foolishly had mistaken the band as a group of people that would even remotely worry about something like that. The album ended up being nothing short of amazing and sounded like a band that had a little regard as to what they “should” sound like and just made a record that they wanted to. They returned this past year with Immaculada High and did exactly the same thing, producing a record that isn't simply a repeat and pushes their sonic explorations of marrying noise/melody even further into the grandiose murkiness. At this point, I'm calling it good. I mean, this is two more Cherubs albums than I ever thought I would get already, so I'm not really willing to push my luck here. However, if more is to come...then I'm here for it. Cherubs - Full Regalia (stream) BUY IT! 03 – Clear Gash – Replenish (Iniquity)

Knew nothing of Clear Gash when listening to Replenish and still know nothing about Clear Gash. They are from Germany and apparently have a very sparse web presence other than releasing this album on Iniquity Records, which have graciously provided it on their Bandcamp site or in the form of a....CD? Beggars can't be choosers I guess and at least Replenish got out there one way or another. Clear Gash are a bit of an oddity in this day and age, as there just aren't too many people out there really trying to bring murky moodiness of grunge back to the forefront, however that's not too far from what they are attempting on their debut (I'm assuming?) album. It's fuzzy, down tuned and pretty filthy sounding stuff. The interesting part is that they are taking the tone/sound and partially playing it like slowed down hardcore. Odd, but it jams sure enough. The production almost lends a bit of a raw Born Annoying/Strap it On era feel, which is definitely appealing to me. Replenish rips and is a distorted mess of riffage that has sorely gone missing in the past couple or so years for some reason or another. Clear Gash - Ode to Discrepency (stream) BUY IT! 02 – USA/Mexico – Matamoros (12XU / Riot Season)

Considering the players involved that make up USA/Mexico, I would be really really bummed/surprised if they managed to put out a record that was crap. It just doesn't seem possible when bringing together members of Butthole Surfers, Shit & Shine and When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth...three very very fine purveyors of completely fried and distinctive noise-rock. So, it's relatively safe to say that Matamoros falls within that same realm of noise and dives deep into the red at the drop of the needle with the title track opener and spots some extra guitar ugliness from Spray Paint member George Dishner, which seems ridiculous that an extra amount of mangled feedback would seem necessary...but listening to Matamoros one gets the sense these fellas operate in a world unbeknownst of limitations. This then segues right into a grossly heavy cover of Cherubs' “Shoofly” with guest vocals by Mr. Kevin Whitley himself. Even he can't really crawl above the heaping amounts of distortion that USA/Mexico uncompromisingly continue to pour on, as his voice is repeatedly swallowed up by the mass. Matamoros carries on much in the same manner for it's duration. “Vaporwave Headache” cranks up the RPM's some and rips through two and a half of minutes of chugging maxed feedback and alien vocals as a possible representation of a vapor wave song if it were dubbed over on the same cassette roughly 400 times and then played at five times the speed. In the end, Matamoros greatly out performs the bands debut Laredo and is essentially the exact product of which could be expected through this collaboration of sorts. Well worth the risk of potential hearing loss. USA/Mexico - Matamoros (stream) BUY IT! 01 – Possible Humans – Everybody Split (Hobbies Galore / Trouble in Mind)

Yeah, this is my kind of thing. I'll never shy away from bands that want to continue hoisting that Homestead/Flying Nun flag and pumping out those type of jams. Possible Humans have apparently been lurking around Melbourne for a handful of years now, playing shows...etc. However, just towards the beginning of last year put out their first full-length through Hobbies Galore and it's been nice to see it gain some traction over the past few months. Enough so that Trouble in Mind picked up the record after the initial pressing of 200 sold out lightning quick. I got hooked after hearing the sprawling psych flavored “Born Stoned”, which despite being eleven minutes long it makes good on every single second of it, masterfully combining the Homestead or Athens sound with something that could have been an absolutely smoking Blue Oyster Cult deep cut. It quite simply rules and will undoubtedly be the best track I hear for a very long time. Definitely not trying to sell the rest of the album short, because Everybody Split is front to back a fantastic listen and piece of work that encapsulates a general feel/sound so well. If you haven't heard it yet, please make this one a priority. Possible Humans - Born Stoned (stream) BUY IT!

[semi-imaginary-place]

fe3h blogging 2 because the post got too long

Edelgard Claude foiling. Both see that the world is wrong and that motivates them to make it better. Claude listens to people, Edelgard listens to herself. Claude reflects and introspects, Edelgard doesn’t.

I was going to write more but I realized I was just bashing Edelgard so I stopped. Anyways, the Gatekeeper has a backstory??? a younger twin brother and they’re from the empire?? Also wow Edelgard is REALLY into you (the light in the darkness pft)

I also want to comment how the Church of Seiros unlike some other fantasy religions really is like real life historical (and current) religious organizations. There’s a mix of people from the non believers but there to help, to those that believe this is the best way to help people, to those looking for power, to the people who are there because its a way to make a living. I want to make clear though that Sothis/The Goddess is dead and she can only act a little bit through Byleth. Before the game The Goddess has NO influence on Fodlan. Anyone praying is doing nothing in terms of reaching The Goddess.

Hilda: Tell me what I’m thinking about right now.

Ferdinand: Hmm... You want a snack.

Hilda: I DO want a snacc ;) ;) ;)

supports: Ashe Dedue, Sylvain Felix, Ingrid Dimitri, Hubert Ferdinand, Petra Claude, Marianne Ignatz

3h totally fooled me with the hair colors. I’m too use to JRPGs have rainbow haircolors so I think nothing of it but in this game the white/green hair are plot significant.

Somehow related to dragon shenanigans(white/green): Sothis, Lysithea, Flayn, Edelgard, Byleth, Rhea, Seteth

Plausibly a normal color with weird undertones: Ignatz, Shamir, Petra, Felix, Lindhardt,

That inexplicably JRPG colored hair: Bernadetta, Hilda, Caspar, Marianne, Ashe, Lorenz

Ch14 of Crimson Flowers has made me unfathomably sad. Claude hold himself so tightly, closed off with high walls. He always has a face on, doesn’t break composure. But in ch 14 in the face of losing his dream you can see the cracks in walls. And Claude may be closed off but he is in no way cold hearted or uncaring, he cares so much and you see that as the Empire gains ground. That battle is one of the few glimpses of Claude. Whether he is killed or spared, both are sad. The cut scene after Claude is spared is seemingly lighthearted and a tonal contrast to the serious battle right before it. Without knowing Claude better it seems like a breather before more plot happens, but knowing Claude that scene really breaks my heart. In contrast with the moments of honesty during the battle, Claude’s social mask has snapped right back into place, hiding all of his pain. Claude’s dream meant all to him, being able to walk side by side with his friends in a new world, and that dream just took a devastating blow. Claude is by no means dishonest during that scene, but knowing how devastated he is on the inside yet forcing himself to hold it all together... He’s sad and now I’m sad.

The Insurrection of the Seven is fascinating to me. Just because people keep saying different things about it. Was the Emperor seeking to consolidate power for the throne and the nobles stopped him or where the nobles always seeking to turn the Emperor into a puppet ruler? To my limited knowledge I think for a while Emperors had been losing power. Enough so that the experiments on Edelgard and her siblings could not be stopped. He then tried to expand his power and was crushed.

Crimson Flower is quite interesting. Edelgard and Hubert are walking a fine line balancing the church and the Agarthans. The Empire appears unified but its a shell for the Agarthans and Edelgard is betting on the appearance of that shell.

Wow Dimitri is surprisingly sane and not feral in CF. Does the purple clouds in Dimitri’s death CG remind anyone else of the S support CGs?

Lysithea and Edelgard can bond over shared childhood experiences and being short

Can you imagine Claude, Hilda, and Sylvain as a squad. They would radiate such chaotic energies just standing next to each other that Nemesis would leap out of his cyberpunk containment pod and start dancing to leek spin

How is Dimitri clean shaven post timeskip?? Most people in the grips find it hard to be functional and do basic tasks and your telling me he meticulously shaves everyday? I'm calling it. Dimitri is trans and can't grow a whisker

So the brits (and w europe really) went mad for tea and got it through colonization of india. Where does fodlan get its tea?? Its mostly too cold unless you want to convince me theres an extensive breeding program for hardy cultivars somewhere. Dagda?? We know coffee is imported. hot take: the empire started a war to get more tea

I dont talk about dorothea enough. I almost chose BE just for her. She hates nobles and its great. The voice acting is top notch too. Dorothea-Ferdinand c support is memorable to me because of the voice acting. The line delivery was so good. Especially the  " I hate you " from Dorothea. She's so savage. She was the only one I considered S supporting after intsys robbed me of claude. Didn't go through with it though. It always feels wierd romancing fictional characters.I remember how P3 forced me on the harem route and wow that was uncomfortable. Dorothea is kind. I like kind people. She's so full of love (Manuela is the other character overflowing with love), and her compassion extends to everyone. She understands the grief of war. Contrast that to local manlet Caspar. Once he's decided someone is an "enemy" he stops caring. Oh Caspar... All of Dorothea's supports are so good too... Dorothea's backstory can get a little disturbing. She's 18 at the beginning of the game. She began singing with the company at 10 and gained fame at 13. What troubles me his how she talks about how after every show she was innundated with marriage proposals and such. The way she talks about it, it went on for a while, and while sure the letters and stuff could have been from other teenagers, that she was getting all this as a teenager is creepy. In addition, then she talks about the nobles fawning over her and it made my skin crawl. But the worst was  that a noble possibly her father was coming on to her . Like Dorothea, I'm with you. Let's burn down the world.  Despite the justifiable anger though, dorothea is so full of love. Until the last her heart never turns cold.

Thinking about claude and edelgard. On one hand their personalities, ideals, and ambitions complement each other. On the other hand Edelgard doesn't understand how people work and Claude is a manipulator, guarded, he never lets any one in(edited)Claude can totally read her, but Edelgard reacts poorly to criticism and dissent.... Claude has no faith. Not in his dreams and not in himself. With out a push, he's not proactive. Edelgard charges straight ahead while Claude takes the circuitous path. "Defensive" thats the word for edelgard, she so easily thinks people are out for her. Whereas claude deflects. Both are fuelled by a sense of justice.  Edelgard thinks in terms of eliminating enemies, claude thinks in terms of recruiting allies.  The point is the the tragedy that they would make great friends! But thats not happening in this universe! Because edelgard's bull headed and claude wont open up!

Watching s supports and anyone notice theres 3 variations on the ring.  There 2 silver and green ones. At first I thought small green stone was from people with common origins and big stone from noble. But I just saw saw one with a gold ring.It could be that the character is just that extra. And yeah it is gold is from Ferdinand and Lorenz.

Ferdinand  was so obnoxious at first. But hes such a good boy. He does his best. He's trying very hard. Also, existential angst is my jam.

I just remembered theres only 5 saints in the Church of Seiros and does that mean the tome of comely saints has erotica of... like... cihol??? And cethaleann????? Uuuuuuhhhhhh...I dont like my brain sometimes.

so that whole fuss that byleth's mom was rhea's daughter was because tons of "gamers" chose BE first and misinterpreted Edelgard's speculation. When in reality Jeralt was the one who Rhea gifted her crest (seiros) to, extending his lifespan. Rhea then cut out baby Byleth's heart and then replaced it with Sothis's crest stone hoping that Sothis would posses byleth. All we know of the mom is that she was a nun and died young. Flames crest stone joined to Byleth's heart (CF ending cutscene). Rhea placed Sothis' heart in baby Byleth to revive Sothis (VW ch 22 opener). She has done human experimentation on people to revive Sothis before (implication). Seiros/Rhea did so so that Sothis would posses the body (Rhea dialog consistently referring to Byleth as "Mother" or hoping that Sothis will poke through).

The only time Claude’s anger breaks through his composure is with Rhea. This is significant as Claude almost never loses his composure, and this highlights how Rhea in the only person Claude hates. Claude doesn’t hate Edelgard or Dimitri or any of the other people that may kill him, just Rhea.

question about the Black Eagles/Crimson Flower ending:  why does Byleth collapse and then Sothis' crest stone break? I mean I will give it a break since its symbolic and thematically significant and all and it was a excellent touch that Sothis' heart and Byleth's heart have literally weaved together. Is reviving Byleth Sothis' last act?? Why did Byleth have to die to begin with though? ... well maybe Byleth didn't die since they didn't have a heartbeat to begin with. So far the writing in 3H has been pretty good though there have been weak spots. I think that CF final scene was put in more because it "felt right" than because it was logical. it fits with edelgard's goals and what the route's been about. its just if you really think about it. It doesn't make sense based on what is already known. I mean crest stones could have other powers but I haven't seen that anywhere else in the game. As for the story as a whole, the main acting forces in the game are Edelgard+Empire, those who slither in the dark, and Rhea+Church. Claude also has his own ambitions, but those 3 are more deeply entwined. Each faction has its own goals and past and a good chunk of the game is figuring out what those are. Its also ironic that GD despite how Claude is not enmeshed in ... that other mess, sheds so much light on the other factions. 

The main theme is probably about Rhea since it plays a lot during Rhea scenes and the church is a central focus of the story.

the "M-metal gear?!?!?!" moment will always be hilarious for me. On par with dollar store Hitler

Why is it Jeralt's voice on the map even after he dies?

God Shattering Star:  How Many Times Do We Have to Teach You This Lesson, Old Man?  

Dawn is a recurring motif in Fire Emblem: Three Houses. “the dawn of a new age” is or such is

Claude, a child loved and lonely

i think blue lions was written first. 1 the two monthly missions that have to do with students’ families are both in BL (Ashe and Sylvain). 2 two fairly important side characters at the monastery are related to BL students (Annette and Mercedes). Chapter 3 actually provides a intro for all the lords in their respective routes. Edelgard’s scene is serious but not especially sad, instead you can feel te fire burning within Edlegard and the scene shows how she’s willing to sacrifice the lives of those under her if she believes she is doing the right thing. Claude’s is actually quite light hearted in tone after the first few lines and it highlights the mystery surrounding him and makes him seem very sketchy. Chapter 3 in Blue Lions though is really sad. Ashe my baby boy. Here there is a sense of tragedy in the post battle scene

oh there is another Claude loses his temper. Its when a bunch of thieves (badly) impersonate Almyrans and Claude is so offended they didn’t put enough effort into the act and that they’re weak.

Major Player Goals

Rhea: revive Mother

Edelgard: take down the Church and crest system

Agartha: vengeance on the Nabateans

Claude: usher in a new age of tolerance and prosperity for humanity

Dimirti: keep afloat???

CHURCH SKETCH AF. Rhea always raised the hair on the back on my neck.  I mean even in ch3 the first real mission. We're being used as a personal assassination squad because Lonato threatens Rhea's power.  and then she's like. This is a public execution to give an example of what happens when you defy the church.  and I was like !!!!!!! let's mentally/emotionally scar a bunch of teenagers into fearing the wrath of the church.  Rhea: prosecutor, defense, jury, judge

I remember ranting about revolution and society in fire emblem games before having played this one, and wow intsys made a game for me

Ignatz and Raphael. I must protect both of them. sweet sweet boys. Raphael has the biggest heart and Ignatz just wants to help. Team Protect Raphael's Heart. Raphs is pretty emotionally mature too. he gives warm fuzzy vibes. Ignatz takes on so many burdens and clams up about his own pain. He doesn't place any importance on himself. Let my boy be an artist! Raphael certainly has pain, but he doesn't want a life where that pain rules over all else. Raphael is a force of GOOD I would have love to meet Lorenz's dad. I don't have high expectations of him, but I'm curious.  we've heard so many different things about him. And he's one of the major actors of the story. But we also know so little about him.

o both Mercedes and Emile have the Lamine crest. If that came from their shared mother, why did House Martritz fall since she was heir? Possible answer sexism or finances. The other option is that both Bartels and Martritz have the Lamine bloodline. Also, Jeritza is younger than I thought he was Modern Advances in Missile System Engineering Wade and Kruger 7e 2XXX

Schöner, Alexa, and ZaiCheng Jun.  "Applications of Dymanic Systems Theory in Autonomous Bipedal Assault Units". Journal of Robotics 18.4 (2XXX): 157-170.

I think I'm hilarious. heh. Imagine though, While digging around Shambhala Claude finds these and everyone is just confused because it looks like their language???? and yet the words! they dont make sense!

I didn’t really care when hubert died in VW, but edelgard's death hit me you know. Because both claude and edelgards ambitions are to tear down the old system. and seeing edelgard in that armor. Its like the timeskip all over again. Part 2 begins and you relize how much all the characters have grown. And while you werent looking edelgard has been going through her own journey. When you fight her shes wearing armor with elements from both the flame emperor and her part 2 outfit  yeah edelgard is yikes. i agree with her goals but her disregard for yhe lives under her concerns me. And between her tendency to brute force solutions, those who slither in the dark, and the empires situation, I think she was doomed to fail from the start

When Claude ... half jokes??? that Hilda can grasp his throat, is that connected to how Fodlan's Locket (in Fodlan's Throat) is under house Goneril control?