#so who cares if there are mistakes and the smoke it basically unfinished and the glass is barely glass-ing

[a-s-levynn]

Between the second hand smoke and the glass on the street A Series of Small Offerings - IV/3 - day35

[honeypirate]

Flower in the Sun

AU where Beni has a mom (I don’t know if he doesn’t I just know about his adoptive father/master)

Benimaru x Fem!Reader

Not edited don’t hate me for the many mistakes

5.5k words

You tried to focus on the celebration, tried to let go of all the stress you felt right now, but it was difficult considering you JUST moved here less than a year ago, opened your shop in town and lived above it, and now your whole apartment/shop was obliterated. back to basically square one for who knows how long.

You sat by the edge of the celebration, chewing on your lip as you thought about your options. You’d have to move your shop back to the barn on the gardens you have outside of town but you didn’t get as much business that way.. plus you can’t really sleep there. You could move back in with your mother but she lived near company 3 and baked them a cake every sunday, your sisters family lived in the Shinjuku District but they were holy sol nuts and you really didn’t want to have to ask them of all people. So the barn was the only real option right now, no bed but at least it has a roof and a door with a lock. A voice cuts through your thoughts and you pay attention when you realize it belongs to Benimaru

‘If I wrecked your house last night feel free to stay at the guardhouse until it’s fixed. It won't take too long.” you felt a weight lift off your shoulders as you watched those without homes gather around him for details, you pick yourself up and walk over to the group so you could hear what to do.

At the guard house you are directed to a small room at the back since you were just one person and not a family. You didn't mind that it was a small space or that you were farther away from anyone else, you were just grateful you could stay in Asakusa and keep your business running. You are told that you can help yourself to breakfast in the morning and dinner will be served for everyone at night and you were given a few essential toiletries.

When you are certain that everyone else staying there had used the showers, you gave it some extra time so that the hot water will replenish before you made your way silently down the quiet halls of the guard house.

You walk past a door that was open, you glance as you walk by and see Benimaru help bandage Konro, the sight brought a small smile to your lips as you continued your course to the showers.

Their conversation after you passed went something like this

“Waka”

“I saw her”

“She's beautiful. You should..”

“No”

Konro sighs “if you don't, maybe I wilL”

“You’re such a pain in the ass”

Your shower was amazing, they really spared no expense on the quality of shampoo and conditioner. You were so glad to not smell like smoke anymore as you changed into a new set of clothes, they were too big and just a fire force soldier shirt and jumper, but you didn't care. They were clean and comfortable. You folded your dirty clothes into a small stack and carried it back to your room, making a mental note to run to the clothing store in the next few days.

The next morning you are up at dawn, walking through the still quiet hallways towards the kitchen. You get warm in the baggy jumpsuit so you undo it halfway and tie the arms around your waist before you open the doorway. Inside there is a long table with different foods set out and at the end is Benimaru and Konro. You bow to them “thank you for letting me stay” you say, your voice as quiet as the morning. “I’m sorry for destroying your home.” Benimaru says and you rise, a smile on your lips as you make your way farther into the room before kneeling down in front of the table across from Konro.

“You’re Y/N L/N who owns the herb and flower shop” Konro says, recognizing you now that you were up close. You nod and reach out, grabbing some bread “yes I am, although my shop will now be run from the gardens just outside of town until it is rebuilt. My herb garden was on top of my apartment building so some special herbs will be out of stock for a while” you laugh and rip a piece of bread and put it in your mouth. “There is a garden behind the guardhouse that is hardly used, feel free to plant whatever you like” Benimaru says and you blush before bowing your head “thank you very much Captain Shinmon.” He frowns and Konro chuckles under his breath “just call me Benimaru” he says and you nod “of course. Benimaru” you notice the sunrise outside and stand again “thank you again, for breakfast as well” you say with a bow before leaving the room, your unfinished bread in your hand to finish on your way to the gardens. you had to set up your new shop in the barn on the flower farm you made sure to leave as early as you could since that would take a while, good thing you had one employee to help you, your close friend Jo.

One eye like a bullseye and one like an X. you couldn’t look away from him even if you wanted to. Here he was, in your shop, pursuing the already made bouquets you had made that morning and the potted plants Jo had taken care of. You watched him talk to Jo for a second from your spot at the back counter, before resuming his shopping.

You could hear Jo next to you saying your name but it didn’t register that she was talking to you until she walked in front of your vision “huh?” you ask and she glares “huh?! I have been practically shouting at you for the past five minutes. Could you take your eyes off of the Captain for a second please?” your cheeks turn red as you look down sheepishly “sorry Jo” you whisper and she laughs at you then says “he’s actually looking for you, oh flower master” you gasp and look up into her eyes “WHAT?” you practically shout and then crouch down behind the counter when you see his head turn. Your coworker leans over the side and says “and he’s coming this way now. good job dummy” before she leaves “fuuuck” you whisper and panic, how are you going to okay this off? “didn’t know you hated me this much y/n. Is it because I destroyed your home?”

You dip your head back to look up at his face which is now looking over at you as he leans over the counter. His facial expression was uninterested but he had curious eyes. His voice was monotone, like he had way more things to be doing than this mediocre errand. You pop to your feet, your face feeling like 100 degrees. “No!! I mean yes! I mean!Ugh” you sigh and close your eyes, stealing a moment before opening your eyes, a customer service smile and voice when you say “no, I dont hate you. Sorry i'm just a little flustered. How may i help you today?”

“I need some flowers and when you mentioned your garden at breakfast I thought I would come down. I need whatever says “i’m sorry for not coming to dinner for 5 months i still love you mom” you bite back a giggle as you think of his mom, a regular at your shop who would come just to talk “say no more, come with me and we will build you a perfect bouquet” he nods and you grab a flower basket and a knife, leading him out the side door into the garden.

“So these ones are blue hyacinths, they represent peace and truth” he hums before shaking his head “no” he says and you chuckle, leading him down a few rows before stopping again “these are called star of bethlehem, they mean reconciliation” he leans in close “i like these ones” he says and you smile “perfect” you say and reach out cutting a few and adding them to your basket before walking down a few more rows.

You spend half an hour looking around at the flowers and chatting easily. “So why haven't you been to dinner with your sweet mother? She comes in every once in a while and only has nothing but kind things to say about you” you ask while you finish the arrangement of star of bethlehem, yellow roses, white ivy flowers, spider mums, and lily of the valley. You spruced it up with some ivy greenery and the last of the rosemary and chamomile flowers in the shop, the seeds you’re going to plant back at the guard house were already in your bag in the back.

The bouquet you made was beautiful and you felt proud as you tied around a few ribbons “Just busy is all” he says and you hand the bouquet over “well, tell her y/n from the flower shop says hi” he nods “i will. thank you y/n” he says, his fingers brushing yours as he takes the flowers. “Will i see you at dinner?” he asks and you smile “wouldn't miss it” he nods “good Konro will stop asking me now” you chuckle, does that mean Konro likes you? You push the thought aside “have a good rest of your day, Benimaru” you say and he gives you a small smile “you as well” you notice the flush of pink on his neck as he exits the shop.

“Ohhh these are lovely! Are they from y/n’s garden??” Beni nods “she say’s hi by the way” his mom smiles and brings the flowers into the kitchen to grab a vase “that girl is so sweet, she always remembers FooFoo and if i bring her with she gives her treats.” Benimaru feels his heart warm as he crouches down to scratch the tiny head of the senior dog laying on the floor. “She moved her shop to her garden until it’s rebuilt” he says, remembering the way he felt her eyes on him in the store, the way her hair shown in the sunlight as she brought him around her garden, telling him about the means behind every flower he asked about, the way the conversation was easy. He found himself wanting to talk to her again, trying to find any reason to go back to your garden. “Benimaru!” his mom shouts and he looks up to her “sorry ma” he says and she just shakes her head with a smile “shes quite beautiful isnt she?” his mom says as she places the flowers in the vase “yeah” Beni says “she is”

When you get back to the guard house after work it’s already dark and quiet, you had a lot of work to do once you closed and it unfortunately made you miss dinner. You roll your shoulders as you take off your shoes by the back gate, picking them up as you walk into the back garden. You hum softly to yourself as you find a watering can and hose, filling it up halfway and bringing it with you over to the garden boxes filled with dry dirt. You chuckle at the sight “poor unfortunate neglected dirt, not for long tho” you whisper as you wet the soil, sure you could plant more things at your garden around your flowers but if you did both you'd have more supply when they were grown. Plus it was the perfect time to plant. You kneel by the garden box and mix up the soil so it was all wet and combined before planting the seeds. Unaware of the man on the back porch watching you as you went, a smile on his lips.

You snap your fingers and the hanging lanterns above you light, making your face glow as you look up and make eye contact with Benimaru, a smile on your lips when you notice his shocked expression. He recovers quick with a smile you can tell he’s trying to hide “you missed dinner” he states and you chuckle “I’m sorry to make you miss me” you say with a chuckle “Would you like to help me?” your voice was quiet but he heard it like it was right by his ear.

He stands from his spot and walks over to you, his feet making soft sounds when they hit the dirt. He kneels down next to you and you take his hands in yours, making him cup them, the dirt on your hands rubbing off on him. “Take some of these” you dump some seeds into his hands “and plant them in a row, a couple finger widths apart and a knuckle deep” he nods as he follows your orders, you start on another row and hum softly as you go.

“You’re a pyrokinetic” he says and you chuckle “kind of. I mean. I never had any training so I can’t fight or anything with it. Nothing compared to your talents. But technically yes” “You’ve watched me so often you know of my talents?” he asks and you watch as his fingers push seeds into a neat row. You chuckle “yes, im not ashamed to say it. You’re captivating and insanely talented.” His cheeks flush and he clears his throat “is..is this right?” He asks and pulls his dirt covered empty hands away “that’s perfect Beni” he holds his hand out for more seeds and you smile as you pour some more into his palm.

“These are chamomiles, one of my favorites although common” you say “why do you like it?” he asks and you feel your stomach birth a butterfly or two “when i was younger, my grandma owned the flower garden. She would plant beautiful flowers and let me pick whichever ones I wanted. Then at the end of the day she would let me go pick as many chamomile flowers as i wanted so she could make tea. As we drank tea should tell me stories, I love chamomile because it reminds me of quality time and the stories that can be shared over a good cup of tea”

You finish your story as you both finish planting. You wipe your hands off on your pants as you stand up with him “thank you for your help” you say with a smile that he returns “thank you for the story” you nod “anytime Benimaru” he picks up your shoes and hands them to you before he puts the watering can back and disappears inside the guard house.

You snap your fingers as you walk inside, the lanterns going out before you close the door.

You don’t see Benimaru for the next few days, he wasn’t there for breakfast or dinner, you guess he has fire force duties that keeps him busy but you can't help but wonder how he is.

You get home from work late again, a wedding coming up that has been keeping you busy. You shower and then make your way through the guardhouse to the kitchen, it’s quieter than usual, a few families homes are already built and yours should be soon as well. You walk into the kitchen and smile when you see Beni already there “hi” you whisper as you shuffle to the cupboard to grab a mug and some tea “hi y/n” he says when you stand next to him at the stove, the tea kettle already heating up “can’t sleep?” you ask and he nods. You notice the dark circles under his eyes and how bloodshot they look. You hum in response and frown at the response your heart had when you saw him. Like you wished you could take care of him and rub his back while he lays in bed. “Are you just getting back?” he asks and you nod and cover your mouth as you yawn “yeah. Mrs. Kim’s daughter is getting married sunday and I’ve been making all the arrangements. White peonies, lavender, and ivy, it’s gorgeous” he notices the bandages on your fingers and dark circles under your eyes that almost match his. He wants nothing more to hold you while you both fall asleep. He’s so sleep deprived and he can see you are as well, but his thoughts are cut off by the whistle of the pot. “Do you wanna sit?” he asks and you nod with a smile.

You sit and talk at the little table in the kitchen, the only light coming from the one hanging above the table. It felt like you were in your own world as you talked and shared stories, laughing at the many things he told you about growing up and meeting Konro.

You told him more stories about your grandma, about your childhood. You bonded over mutual feelings for religion and politics, over what you want for the future. Before long you’ve finished a cup of chamomile tea and your second cup has gone cold, at some point he grabbed your hands and was now playing with your fingertips as he told you the story of how he became captain, sharing his fears with you in the safe space of the quiet kitchen. “I think I will always believe that Konro could have been better at this than me” he whispers and you lean forward, reaching up to brush his hair from his forehead before cupping his cheek “for what it’s worth, I think you are perfect” you hear his breath catch as his eyes look up into yours “perfect for this company, for this town. I talk to many of the people who live here and I have only ever heard praise and kindness for you. Your people love you. I know you don't like sweets that much but I’ve seen you accept them AND eat them and that says so much about you. People always give you so many gifts because it’s the only way we know how to give back, to you and the company for protecting the people and always being there.” Your hand slips as you go to move it from his cheek but he moves his hand up, covering yours and holding it in place.

“You may not feel worthy of this mantle, Waka” you smirk and give him a sweet look, knowing about his nickname and using it in this context makes his heart race as a small chuckle escapes his throat. “And no matter what i say, you can live with what makes you comfortable. But know that you are ultimately not living the truth.” He ponders your words for a moment and brings his hand down, taking yours with it. “The truth being that you DO deserve this position. You ARE worthy. You ARE the best and most qualified for this” his fingers laced together with yours “and you have the support of your team and basically the whole city...” your cheeks blush and you look down at your hands together against the table “and you have mine as well” you whisper

Benimaru was gone the next few days, Konro as well. Leaving you in the guard house as more and more families left, able to go back to their newly built homes until only a few of you remained.

Your bare feet plop along the wooden floor, echoing in the empty quiet hallway as you make your way to the back. Your long duster cardigan hitting the back of your ankles and making your shorts and tank top seem even more cozier. The sound of birds makes you smile as you take a deep breath of the fresh morning air, walking to the little garden with a watering can in your hand.

“Good morning” he said softly, his voice strained and tired. You smile and your head snaps up to look at him, your smile falling as you take him in.

You set down the watering can and stand, making your way to him in an instant. “Are you okay?” You ask, your hands reach for him but stop a short distance away. His face had a bandage on his cheek and forehead, his left hand wrapped, and a bruise forming around his left eye. “Just a couple scratches is all” he says, taking one of your hands with his right hand and slowly leads you back to the plants. “They’re growing nicely” he says as he looks down at the sprouts, already a little tall and poking out of the dirt in just a week.

He drops your hand to pick up the watering can, raining down the cool liquid over your plants, the dry lightened dirt turning dark brown. “You’re going to work?” He asks and you shrug “I don’t have anything special to do today, and if I’m being honest” you blush and take the can from his hand, walking to put it away so you didn’t have to look at him “I wanted to go in today so I didn’t think about how much I wanted to talk to you”

His breath catches and his wounds don’t even throb anymore, he wasn’t paying attention. All that matters is the soft way your voice reached his ears, saying something he didn’t even realize he was hoping for. You’ve been missing him, just as much as he seemed to miss you. “Will you get some breakfast with me?” He asks, his voice normal, hiding every anxiety and feeling deep in his heart, but as you turned and met his eye you could see the hope he's feeling in them.

“I was thinking” you say after Konro excuses himself from breakfast, leaving you and Beni alone. “Could you.. I mean. Do you know of anyone who could train me with my abilities? If it’s possible I could get stronger then I want to” your hands are in closed fists against your thighs and you me eyes shone with the determination you feel. He chuckles softly, popping a piece of fruit in his mouth and thinking as he chews. “I think I could figure something out. Tomorrow night work for you?” You beam at him, grinning from ear to ear with excitement “that works perfect!” You place your hand on his arm that rests against the table “Thank you Benimaru” you say softly and he nods, trying desperately to suppress the blush he feels is imminent.

The next evening you went out to check your ganden before you were supposed to train, you hoped that he had found someone nice to help you. “Are you ready?” He asks behind you and you smile while you stand from your place by the small growing herbs “as I’ll ever be! Who will you have train me?” You ask and meet his eyes, raising yours brows in question, noticing his face was without his bandages today and his wounds really did look like scratches. “I will” he states and you watch his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows.

You take a couple steps towards him “no!” You exclaim louder than intended and you laugh once awkwardly as his eyebrows raise “I mean. You’re hurt! and my power is so low it’s not worth your time. I’ve seen the boys you train! their power and skill is levels higher than me” he walks over to you, setting his right hand on your shoulder and leaning down to your ear “I want to” he whispers and your cheeks dust pink as a small gasp leaves your throat, oh how he desperately loved that sound. He pulls back with a smirk “and I’ve said” he raises his left hand that still had a small bandage around his palm “it’s just a scratch” he begins to walk away from you, over to the training space and you’re stunned for a few moments. Standing there and watching his back as he walked away, your heartbeat racing and your brain empty save it for the way Benimaru’s breath tickled your ear.

“Well?” He asks when he realizes you’re not following him, turning back and looking at you with daring eyes, snapping you back into reality. Your smile spreads and the sight sends him over the moon, a feeling invading his heart that he’s become enamored with these past few days having you at the guardhouse. You were the sun slowly rising in his life, and he was drawn to your warmth. “Let’s do this” you say as you reach his side, the back of your hand brushing his for only a moment but it sends fireworks up his arm.

“Show me what you can do, outside of lanterns” he says as he stands to the side, his eyes taking in your form as you stand facing him. You hold up your hands and nod once, the tip of each finger igniting in small flames. “I can’t make them bigger but I can do..” you tighten each flame to smaller tips, growing in power and heat until they blazed like the head of welding guns. He nods once “she’s more powerful than she realizes” he thinks as he watches the flames reflecting your eyes.

“That’s good” he says as he approaches you “is this all you know how to do?” He asks as he takes a hold of your wrists gently, turning your hands and looking at your flames. “I couldn’t really practice a lot growing up so this is it unfortunately” he chuckles once, mostly just air from his nose, but it made you smile anyway. “Can you control which fingers or..” before he finishes you start randomly lighting and unlighting fingertips. “Now try to shoot the flames out” he says and you nod, trying to push the flames out but just ending up breaking a sweat and flashing your flames, not going anywhere else.

After fifteen minutes of absolutely nothing happening you sigh and flung your hands up in the air “I can not be this WEAK” you exclaim and shake them as you scowl. He sighs and comes over to you, reaching up and smoothing out your eyebrows gently before holding his hands out to you.

You hesitate, your hands almost being set in his before you pause and he raises his eyebrows “chicken” he whispers and you drop your hands against his “tch” he clicks his tongue and you roll your eyes as he uses his thumbs and first two fingers to rub your wrist gently “it’s your first test. Relax” he says, his fingers moving to the middle of your hand “there are many other things we’ll try, none of which make you weak if you can’t do them” goosebumps running down your spine as he moves down each finger, your breath catching in your throat with how gentle he was being with you and how nice it felt for him to be doing this to your hands, another sound that he found he adored. He brings your hands up and kisses each knuckle softly, effectively short wiring your brain yet again. “Try again” he whispers, letting your hands go and standing back again.

You took a deep shaky breath and closed your eyes for a moment, feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin and the warmth he has ignited in your heart, before opening your eyes and shoving your hands out, each finger popping as flames, strong, bright blue flames, shoot from each finger.

“BENIMARU!” You shout and laugh, dropping the flames and turning to run and throw your arms around his neck “oof” he mumbles as you hit him, his arms wrapping around you to keep you both stable. “I did it! I did it! I did it!” He sighs softly into your hair, “I saw” he whispered “wanna find out what else you can do?” He asks, his lips brushing against the side of your head. You squeeze him closer for a moment before pulling back “does this mean I should call you my Senpai? Or my Captain?” He rolled his eyes but couldn’t stop the blush that rose to his cheeks “No.” he says, but you laugh when he won’t meet your eye.

“You’ve come a long way for just a few hours” he says as you walk back to the garden, the sun beginning to set “you’re a really amazing teacher” you lean in close “Captain” you whisper before making a turn for the hose. He stops in his tracks after you whispered, his heart fluttering in his chest as he forces himself to calm down before turning and walking over to you

You look up to him from where you were crouched, running hose in one hand after you washed your face and the back of your neck. “You look a little flushed” you say as he crouches by you, reaching out for the hose. He just Humphs as you move the water closer to him, a smirk in your lips and mischief in his eyes that he would have known right away had he looked up at you.

Your thumb covers the end just so as he leans down, raising the pressure as it hits his hands spraying his face as well. You chuckle before placing your fingers against your lips, holding in as much of your giggles as you could. He slowly looks up into your eyes, water droplets falling from his hair and nose, he was annoyed for half of a second until he meets your eyes, notices the sweet mischief in your eyes and hears your soft giggles as they leave your lips. “Did you just..” you nod and slowly stand to back away from him, the mischief rising to his eyes as the corners of his mouth twitch up into a smile. He stands and takes one step towards you and you raise your emotu hand, “WAIT” you say and he stops “we.. we can talk about this..” you say with a smile, giggles escaping with every exhale. “I think we’re too far past talking about this” he says before he moves, quick with his hand out towards the hose but you scream and try to run, spraying him behind you as he gets closer. He laughs as he grabs you, his arms wrapping around your middle from behind not caring about the cool hose water that was currently soaking him. He reaches up and takes the hose from your hand and turns you around before smiling and slowly running the water across the back of your head then across both of your shoulders making you gasp and tense in his hold. “I think we’re even now” you say with a shiver and a laugh and he cocks his head “not yet” he says softly, his hands reaching up to tuck your damp hair behind your ears.

You gasp, his cold fingers cooling off your warm cheeks as he cups your face. The hose forgotten about, dropped on the grass by your feet, soaking the earth and making your toes muddy. But nothing else matters besides the way he’s looking at you and the way the sun is turning the sky red behind him.

Your hands grip the sides of his soaked shirt as you lean into him “and how, tell me, can we make it even?” You ask, following his hands with your face as he pulls you closer, his body curving forward as you lean forward on your tip toes, brushing your nose against his making his breath hitch “can I show you?” He whispers and you nod, your eyes fluttering closed as he closes the last inch between your lips.

Kissing him felt like the first breath of fresh air after an infernal has been put to rest. Felt like the first relaxing step into a hot spring. It sends goosebumps from your head to his toes before being followed by electricity making your skin tingle. Fireworks dance across the backs of your eyes as he wraps an arm around your waist, holding you tight against him. You sigh as your heart sways within your chest, comforting and warm as he holds you like his lifeline.

His thumb brushes softly against your cheek when he pulls away. Your hands smooth out his shirt before running your hands up his wet chest, his hands moving down to both rest against your waist. You can’t think of anything to say, just savoring the moment as you look into his eyes.

“Are you guys coming to dinner?” The twins say from the porch, effectively startling the hell out of you. You gasp and clutch your heart as Beni just smiles down at you, his back to them. “Thanks. We’ll be there in a minute” he says and they skip off. “We should get going. We’re gonna get sick” you say and reach up, running a hand through your damp hair. He reaches down and turns off the hose as you gather it, putting it away correctly and he reaches out, hooking his fingers with yours. “Mom will kill me if you get sick” he says softly and you laugh “maybe you could.. help me clean up. Make sure I don’t get sick” he coughs a few times, choking on his spit in shock and you laugh “Beni” you say softly and pause in the doorway, looking up at him. “I’m playing. I really like you. I’d like to take it as slow or fast as we both are comfortable with, okay?” You reach up and ruffle his damp hair, pushing it out of his eyes. His cheeks flush and he leans down, pressing his forehead to yours as your eyes close. “I adore you” he whispers and your heart flutters. “Let’s go get cleaned up” he whispers and squeezes your hand, guiding you along with him to the showers.

[k-writer1998]

Who Said Love Was Easy? (2/12)

      There are many different kinds of people who come and go from your life. Some will stay constant and sturdy like a river, growing alongside you, others will come like a whirlwind who wreaks havoc and leaves just as quickly, then there is everything in between. In this twisted maze of connections, that is where our story begins. A steadfast boy, a girl with a past, a little bit of alcohol, mistakes, and some love. Where can you go wrong with that?

angsty fluff

w.c: 1.7k

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      I’ve been spending more and more time at the pub, partly because I was still trying to coax the weary Jeongin into friendship but also Jaehyung has been inviting me to come over more, his nosy-neighbor-senses kicking in. I’ve nearly broken Jeongin though cause he’s warmed up sufficiently since running into him. Gahyeon on the other hand seems to be cautious around me but as the saying goes “keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” It wasn’t like she was any bad, if anything I could see why Jeongin was so infatuated with her. She gives off girl-next-door vibes minus the naivety. Like Jeongin, she brought in a lot of customers with that personality but as the only female server a lot of guys come through in hopes to be served by her. That meant Jeongin’s eyes were constantly on her, ready to step in at any given moment.

“It’ll be faster if you just start barking at people. Then everyone would think you’re crazy and people won’t pay attention to her. Are you trying to burn holes into her skull?”

“Can you not for one day y/n?” he rolled his eyes.

“I’ll stop if you stop first,” I wink before adding, “If anyone so much as looked at her the wrong way Chan, Younghyun, and Jaehyung would be there in seconds you know.”

“There’s just been a lot more creeps lately and it’s been really packed.”

“It can’t be helped. It’s summer vacation for college students so everyone’s going out to de-stress from exams. Why so overprotective anyways?”

“She got bullied in high school. She’s the type to say what she wants so a lot of the girls didn’t like her and a lot of the guys bad mouthed her because she rejected them bluntly.”

“Oh? she looks so pleasant I would’ve taken her as a pushover.”

“Wait why am I even telling you this?” He blinked a few times at the realization.

“Because we’re good friends obviously,” I leaned forward with a smile.

“Whatever, I’m telling the hyungs you dropped the honorifics.”

“No you aren’t.”

      There was a call from the kitchen and he briskly walked away. I shrugged it off since he was still working after all but as I watched his figure disappear into the kitchen, the next thing I knew Jaehyung bursted from the door and stormed over. My mouth fell agape at Jeongin who was watching me from the kitchen door snickering to himself. Snitch.

“l/n y/n!”

“Jaehyung-oppa listen-”

      Safe to say I was thoroughly lectured but it was worth it to know I made him smile… albeit because of my sorrow but minor details. Jaehyung asked to go home together again so I sat quietly in my corner seat as they had a store meeting. Watching them interact, now and throughout my time here, their dynamic was really something. Jaehyung and Younghyun act like they hate each other and are at each other’s throats yet they match each other’s energy to work perfectly together, Chan is like the middle child who acts like the youngest but will step up when needed, Jimin always butts heads with everyone but she still makes sure everyone is cared for, and lastly there are the two newest members Jeongin and Gahyeon… long term friends from school with the same sunshine type energy that every one of the older employees love to dote on like some dysfunctional… family… 

      Allowing my mind to fill itself with thoughts of Jeongin recently, I nearly forgot what time of year it was. Almost. My thoughts betrayed me and not wanting to make Jaehyung’s worrying/nagging worse I stepped out into the summer night. First it was just the loneliness setting in but it's different now with certain annoyances making an appearance last year. It’s like they’re watching and waiting… haunting me to make sure I can’t be happy for the rest of my life. All because of something I had no control over. As I tried to collect myself before I went down the family trauma rabbit hole, I received a text notification and rolled my eyes at the message. A strong urge to throw my phone came over me as my vision blurred red for a second and felt my arm raise for a moment, phone in hand, before a voice brought me back to my senses.

“Regardless of whatever you saw on there, I would advise you not to break your phone unless you can afford a new one.”

      Of all the people, he was not the one I pegged as someone who would’ve followed me out here. My brain was racing to pull itself together, still spiralling from the earlier train of thought, that my response exposed how confused I was.

“Jeongin? What are you doing out here? Aren’t you guys having a meeting?” 

“Yeah but hyung keeps looking to make sure you don’t leave so I decided to take one for the team and tell you to come back in so he can focus.”

“And here I thought you came out for me,” I joke as my arm falls back to my side, my snarky smartass persona finally loading up again.

“Whatever makes you happy,” he rolls his eyes before asking, “Is something going on though? You almost threw your phone and hyung usually isn’t this antsy with you.”

      He noticed? I couldn’t help the small surge of happiness that shot through me but of all the things why did he have to notice this? As tense as I was at his observation, I threw on my usual smile and did what I did best.

“Awww so we really are friends, you care,” I tease and he glared back at me. “Everything’s fine, really. Jaehyung-oppa thinks I get kinda weird around this time of year cause something happened last year. He’ll be back to normal by next week.”

“... okay. Are you gonna stay out here? We’re basically done anyways,” he responded as he glanced at the group inside before eyeing me suspiciously.

“Yeah, let him know please. Also let him know to stop being a worrywart.”

“Tell him that yourself.”

      With a huff he walked back in and I was finally able to relax. Leaning against the window with a sigh, I wished it was winter so I could watch the smoke curl from my lips into the air. It’s oddly calming to watch it disappear and to feel the chill set in my bones. Instead I’m left with the stifling heat of summer and the slightly unsettling thought that Jeongin possibly saw through the act… I’m such a mess. I want him to pay attention to me and now that he has I’m getting antsy. Well this is the only exception I guess, Jaehyung only knows cause he saw it happen. If I had it my way no one would know. Once in the safety of my four walls, I fell into my bed with a groan. Today kinda sucked but I knew it would only get worse until that day comes. Looking at my desk in the corner of the living room with unfinished work strewn across its surface, I let out a sigh. Might as well work to get my mind off it.

      Ding. Ding. Ding. Drowsily raising my head from my desk, I rubbed my eyes in annoyance. The sun was up and Jaehyung knew my door code so who is being so irritating this early? Looking at the intercom monitor, I should’ve known it would be one of those vermin. With a groan I went to “greet” my half-sister, clad in her expensive private school uniform, as I glared and leaned against the door frame.

“To what do I owe the honor of a visit from the princess herself?”

“You weren’t answering mom’s messages and she wanted to make sure you’d be coming home for dinner this weekend.”

“Let me guess. Grandma is invited so I have to show up to make you people look good? Not interested so leave.”

“Don’t act so high and mighty. If you didn’t want to be a part of this family you shouldn’t have-”

“Get it right,” I sneered. “Your mother kicked me out for being a reminder of her husband’s infidelity and was forced to sign away my rights to the family and shares left to me in dad’s will just so I could get the money he left me for college. I’m sorry I actually care to visit dad besides his death anniversary and happen to run into grandma, nothing changes the fact that I’m the illegitimate child right? So run along before you’re late.”

      She stamped her foot and huffed at my indifferent face and challenging tone before turning on her heel and stomping to the elevator. I tiredly rubbed my face before running a frustrated hand through my hair. I did not need this first thing in the morning. Back inside my apartment, I grabbed my phone and called my best friend.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of this early morning wakeup call?” He groaned in annoyance. We both weren’t morning people.

“How early can we hang out?”

“Depends. On a scale of “I miss you” to “I want to pull my hair out,” how bad is it?”

“Younghee blew up my doorbell at seven in the morning to tell me to have dinner with them.”

“Oof. I’m shadowing my dad today but tomorrow night for sure, okay? I promise we’ll have fun and you can forget about them. ”

“Our handsome Changbinie is so great~ This is why you’re my best friend.”

“Shut up, I’m still two years older and I’m your only friend y/n.”

“No, I have Jaehyung-oppa and the others from the pub!”

“How can you be friends with someone who doesn’t like your best friend? I didn’t even do anything to Jaehyung-hyung to be hated like this.”

“I don’t like you and you are my best friend.”

“I- Nope, you love me by default because I’m the only one who knows all your secrets,” he countered.

“Who said you’re the only one?”

“Lover boy doesn’t count. He was drunk and probably doesn’t remember plus it’s not like you’ll see him again.”

“Wrong. I can since I have~”

“Young master, President Seo says you must get ready.”

“That’s me,” he groans, “you better catch me up! Maybe your life won’t be a revenge drama afterall," he gasped teasingly. "Is it a romantic comedy?”

“Shut up, does that make you the second lead dearest best friend?” He faked a gag and I chuckled, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

[slytherinknowitall]

Potion Fumes and Cauldron Leaks

Chapter 10: Oh, How Intimate First Names Can Be!

(Click here for chapter 9!)

(Click here to start from the beginning!)

Disclaimer: I don’t own the “Harry Potter” book series. The story of “Harry Potter” is the property of J. K. Rowling, it is not my intellectual property. There is no financial gain made from this nor will any be sought. This is for entertainment purposes only.

Severus cut her off before she could even get a single word out.

“Miss Granger, today, you will be preparing a rather easy potion which you have already learnt about during your early years at this school: the Cure for Boils. As I will be instructing the first-years in how to brew this particular potion tomorrow morning, I thought that it would be wise to have some ready-made phials of it on hand. After all, we both know how foolish and dim-witted some students can be.” He was, of course, referring to how Neville Longbottom once had made a cauldron melt while unsuccessfully trying his luck at this very concoction.

“Now, when you first learnt how to brew the Cure for Boils, you used a formula from Magical Drafts and Potions. This time around, however, you will be working according to the instructions found in the Book of Potions as that version does not consume as much time. As you can see, I have written the directions on the blackboard. You may take the required ingredients from the storage room and get started.”

As Miss Granger obediently and – by the grace of the gods – for once wordlessly got down to work, the Potions Master sat down behind his desk. He pulled up some essays to correct; however, he couldn’t concentrate on them no matter how hard he tried. He stared at the letters and words written in smudged ink for what felt like hours, but his mind couldn’t seem to form coherent sentences out of them. It appeared as though this was becoming some sort of pattern for him; he hadn’t been able to be productive for weeks. Whenever he would try to do some research or even just to read a book, his head would start to fill with images of a certain insufferable know-it-all.

Severus was hopelessly distraught. He was beyond disgusted with himself for acting like a teenage boy going through puberty all over again. It didn’t matter whether he was eating in the Great Hall, teaching in his classroom or walking through the castle’s ever-busy corridors – whenever there was a quiet moment, he couldn’t help his thoughts wandering to his apprentice. To combat this, he was trying to keep himself as busy as possible and had even began to lash out at the student body more than he usually already did. But his desperate attempts proved to be fruitless; once he would lie in bed at night, the darkness engulfing him, he couldn’t put a stop to his imagination anymore.

His mind would be plagued by mental pictures of the Gryffindor Princess, some real and some nothing but chimerical. Miss Granger in his private laboratory, bend over a cauldron, small beads of sweat running down her slender neck into her cleavage. Miss Granger in his sitting room, spread across the fluffy carpet in front of the fireplace, reading one of his beloved books while only scantily clad. Miss Granger straddling him on his bed, a cheeky smile on her face as she moves in to kiss him with those luscious lips of hers.

Worst of all, he couldn’t help his body’s reaction to these forbidden thoughts either, and that made him feel like a complete sicko.

Severus knew that he was doomed. Why oh why did this have to happen to him out of all people?! The Head of Slytherin – a former Death Eater and more often than not referred to as the greasy git of the dungeons – lusting after Gryffindor’s on-site smartass who was half his age; could it really get any worse? Had he honestly gotten so desperate for female touch that he had to resort to fantasising about a girl still wearing her school uniform?

He had only been in love once in his life and that had ended in tragedy. Except for some random encounters with witches he didn’t care for, he didn’t really have any experience when it came to the opposite sex. And so even if his silly, little crush weren’t so immorally wrong, it could never work out anyways. The Dungeon Bat wasn’t exactly what one would call a chick magnet. His nose was disproportionately large, his skin was almost sickeningly pallid, and his entire body was battered and scarred from the torture he had had to endure as a follower of the Dark Lord. A smart girl like Hermione Granger could never love an old wreck like him.

NO! Who was even talking about love?! Severus was simply getting turned on by her admittingly rather shapely form, that was all – he was a man, after all. Yes, while he had had many good-looking students walk into his Potions classroom over the years – with some of them even having being stupid enough to try to offer themselves to him in exchange for better grades – none of them had ever caused such a reaction before; but that was probably just due to the fact that the war was finally over now. With him not having to constantly fear for his life anymore, his body was seemingly starting to act “normal” again and that included his libido, too. With not many options available to him cooped up here in the middle of nowhere, it was no surprise that he would eventually stoop as low as to desire someone as annoying, overzealous and pesky as Granger. Mind you, she had indeed grown up to be a beautiful and attractive young woman. Him suddenly not getting irritated anymore by the constant flow of questions leaving her mouth and instead thinking about that very mouth in a perverted way meant absolutely nothing; he was simply horny.

At least that was what Severus was trying to tell himself.

To make matters worse, he had gone completely overboard with that stupid birthday gift. After having been forced to play along with this silly tradition, Snape’s mind had been completely blank on what to get his apprentice. Following a frantic one-hour search of his rooms, he had still not been able to find anything suitable for an 18-year-old girl.

“Well, she is a bookworm …” he’d thought after finally deciding on his volume of Long-forgotten Secrets of the Mayan Wizarding Culture – Potions, Spells and More. Severus had never been a huge fan of this book to begin with; while it was certainly a good read, he had always thought that it was completely overrated and therefore not worth hanging on to. Still, Miss Granger would probably get some enjoyment out of it somehow.

He had only realised his mistake once he had already sent off the owl. Even if he himself didn’t think much of the book, the witch would surely be bewildered as to why her teacher would gift her something so rare and valuable. There was no doubt in his mind that she would start to question his intentions sooner rather than later.

Severus let out a small grunt. He would have to find a way out of this misery. From here on out, he would try to further limit his contact with Miss Granger; continuing to outright ignore her during class and giving her tasks to complete elsewhere instead of holding their apprenticeship lessons. He could also do some research and look for a potion that would help suppress his bodily desires. Worst case scenario, he would simply have to pay a quick late-night visit to the sketchier part of Diagon Alley and find a willing Galleon-seeking witch to take his sexual frustration out on. Perhaps he could also have a talk with Albus and ask him to reassign Miss Granger to –

Suddenly, there was a loud blast coming from the other side of the room. Alarmed, Severus looked up from his papers, but all he could see was a half-destroyed cauldron and a lot of dark blue smoke – there was no sign of his young pupil.

His heart leapt into his throat. “HERMIONE!” he cried out before sprinting to the scene of the accident. With a quick flick of his wooden wand, he at once got rid of the chaos, and it was then that he discovered Miss Granger lying on the cold dungeon floor, covered in a mixture of unfinished teal-coloured potion and what he suspected to be blood. Her head of curls was a fuzzy mess and her face was completely drained of colour.

Severus immediately dropped to his knees and grabbed her by the arms to pull her onto his lap. Thankfully, the brunette was still breathing; however, the blow of the explosion seemed to have knocked her out.

He feverishly thought about what could have caused such a catastrophe; brewing Boil Cure was a simple task after all. With a brief glance at the blackboard, it finally dawned on him: He had forgotten to add a warning to only stir the potion very gently after adding the pickled Shrake spines; otherwise they tended to get “overexcited” and therefore become explosive. The Potions Master had obviously assumed that Miss Granger would have known this already, but it seemed as though even the knowledge of Hogwarts’ most brilliant student wasn’t all-encompassing.

Severus couldn’t help but to silently scold himself for this rookie mistake as he swiftly conjured up a cushioned stretcher on which he then carefully laid down his apprentice. After a quick visual assessment of her injuries, he was sure that the damage wasn’t too bad apart from some cuts and bruises. As a next step, he ripped open her singed and torn blouse, trying hard to ignore her now visible frilly bra. Using some basic cleaning spells, he made quick work of the sticky potion and blood mixture before focusing on the main problem.

“Vulnera Sanentur,” he whispered as he dragged his wand along the wounds on her chest and arms. He had invented this very spell during his own years as a student; and while it had originally been intended to mend severe injuries, it had become his go-to healing spell over time – because naturally, he had always had the most faith in his own creations.

A quick Repairing Charm later, Miss Granger’s tattered clothing was back to its original state. Severus then disappeared into his storage room just to come back out a few minutes later with a crystalline phial in one hand and a small jar of ointment in the other. He placed the latter on a table nearby before yet again kneeling down next to his patient. Supporting her head with his left hand, he poured a few drops of Wideye Potion down her throat; it had come from the very batch they had brewed together not even two weeks earlier. Sitting back on his heels, all he could do then was to wait for her to wake up.

Soon enough, Granger started to stir and eventually let out a muffled groan before opening her brown eyes, seemingly disorientated. It was only when she attempted to sit up that her teacher spoke up.

“You shouldn’t try to get back up quite yet … unless you enjoy feeling lightheaded, of course,” he said with an icy undertone as he stood up and moved back to his desk, sensing her questioning look following his every move. He sat down in his black leather chair and waited for her to speak.

“What happened?” she finally managed to ask, her voice still husky.

“It seems as though I have overestimated your brewing abilities greatly, Miss Granger, as you appear to have disregarded the required safety precautions concerning the use of Shrakes in potions, subsequently blowing yourself up. As a result, you have not only forced me to interrupt my work and come to your aid, but I will now also have to utilize my free time later this evening to prepare the required potion for tomorrow’s class. For this unbelievable foolishness, I shall deduct 15 points from Gryffindor.”

A tiny tear started to slip down her left cheek, but whether it was caused by the pain from her injuries or his cold words the wizard did not know. The incident hadn’t been completely her fault, of course; but Severus didn’t care. He told himself that she should have better than to make such a ludicrous mistake. Now that he knew that she would eventually make a full recovery, worry and shock was replaced with sheer anger – anger over his doom-laded error, anger over how distressed the sight of her unconscious and wounded body had made him, anger over how he was nothing but a slave to his primal needs and anger over how he had frantically called out her name just minutes earlier. He was practically seething.

“I will let you know that I expect better from someone who is not only this school’s Head Girl but also my personal apprentice. I expect a lot better … Now, I suggest you take this jar of dittany,” he commanded sternly, pointing to the small tin sitting on the desk to her right. “As I am sure you know it prevents scarring. Or maybe you don’t. Who could be sure after such a grave mishap?”

Apparently, he’d gone a step too far with his mocking, because the young woman’s crying promptly turned into uncontrollable sobs. Standing up abruptly, still a bit unstable on her legs, she bolted from the room, leaving the ointment as well as all of her other belongings behind. Snape grabbed the pieces of parchment covering his desk and flung them against the dungeon wall in blind rage. Damn Hermione Granger, damn those oversensitive Gryffindors, damn his own emotional turmoil!

Later that night, Severus was lying in his bed and staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep.

“Hermione,” he whispered, letting the name roll off his tongue in a hushed voice.

For some reason, saying her given name out loud seemed a lot more intimate than any of the deviant, shameful fantasies he’d had about little Miss Granger.

(Click here for chapter 11!)

[jiwonsssi]

— stress relief, pt. 1

The difference with dealing with that stress is that he smokes, and she cries.

Warnings: smoking, swearing.

Characters: Eun Jiwon/Sandara Park.

Jiwon thinks that all these fashion events are so fucked up. He has been there for two hours and he's already exhausted like hell.

Eyes are blurry from all the of cameras that are everywhere. Everyone has that fucking thing. And everyone thinks that it's their own proud duty to stuck it in his face.

It is his first time attending these kind of meetings and the last. He doesn't even remember why he agreed. Maybe it wasn't even Jiwon who did that; there are too many people who can say 'yes' for him without asking his opinion in the first place.

He suddenly goes back to old days; Jiwon hates it. It was all fun being famous until they started being slaves for a shitty company. And it's nothing different.

He pulls out a pack of Marlboro and sighs.

There is no way he can quit smoking; otherwise he might kill someone out of nerves. He already has that reputation, it's enough fame of being crazy for one person. Although he likes it. It's so much easier that way.

Lightning a cigarette, he leans on a wall not caring about expensive designed jacket. It's just an ordinary black suit. He has something around ten of them. He's even sure that if he would change that one with one that he has at home - nobody would ever notice. And that's the most annoying shit about everyone whos out there trying to make themselves experts.

Fake.

Feeling how the smoke is going down the throat, Jiwon puts his hand in a pocket and looks at the nights skies. He just wants to get home and sleep. Moral exhaustion is taking all the good from him; he's not even tired physically.

Only God knows how much he abhors days like this.

Trying to make himself better in front of people he doesn't even know. It's his work, right?

The music from the afterparty that is still goes on suddenly becomes loud and he looks to the back door in front of him, being a little bit curious. At the end it's not even a place to smoke, he just found the most empty place which happen to be behind fire escape door. Jiwon just got prepare to bicker with anyone who would try to kick him out.

To what he wasn't prepared is for seeing crying woman appearing and then disappearing after noticing him right at that particular door.

His brain proceeds information slowly at first; he even forgets to exhale the smoke and when he coughs a few times, realisation becomes clear - that was Sandara Park and he's in rather, how to say, difficult situation at that exact moment; he's fucked up.

Jiwon hates seeing people cry. It's not about women, but in general. What should he do now? Go after her? Or stay here? Or.. what? She clearly went here to not to 'breath some fresh air', she wanted to be alone. Just like him.

Though she was in tears and that is the most tricky part about the whole thing.

Jiwon curses under his breath and throws unfinished cigarette at the concrete floor. Of course he would follow her. Like hell he would.

He clearly has a soft spot for her.

Just when his hand touches a door knob, metal cracks open, filling almost complete night silence with muffled music. And her sobs.

Jiwon tries his best to not panic. What should he do now? Saying 'wazzup hows it going' is not really a way to go, but he doesn't want to disturb her with that pathetic 'what's wrong? Can I help you?'. The struggle is written on his face when Dara passes him and stops a few meters away.

He should leave her alone. He would more of a disaster than a help. And so he does. Ignoring the increase of her sobs right after he closes the door behind him.

And than Jiwon is standing inside the crowded bar, filled with kind of music that makes him want to throw up with a persistent thought that he hates that place. Everything about it. All that chatting that has zero sense that goes on a loop around him; all the loud fucking music that gives him head-aches; all the people who only cares about image. It's sick.

There is one way for him and he's willing to follow it. Free bar. He's here to enjoy the alcohol and to get wasted. So he guides himself to the holy place when his brain proceeds better than him.

- Can I have a glass of water? And tissues.

He can't let her cry there all alone. Right? Jiwon doesn't think that he would be able to calm Dara down, but offering her some help is a reasonable act of being a nice man.

Jiwon receives what he asked for and goes straight to the back door, passing security guy who gives him a suspicious look and opens that door that now is more like hell-gates again.

- Hey, I..

He stops mid-sentence, seeing her on her hunkers with face covered by palms, while her bare shoulders are shaking violently. He doesn't even hear her sobs at this point; she's just shaking and.. it breaks his heart.

Putting a glass on the floor and tissues in a pocket, Jiwon is beside her in a second, getting down as well.

- Are you in pain? Sandara, come on, stand up, I'll help you, - he's not even sure if he can call her by her name. She reacts quickly with putting her hand in palm that he offered to help her ro stand up.

He really though that she was crying because she was hurt. But now, when he can see her trying to wipe her tears, he realises that she, in fact, isn't. Dara is exhausted. Again, just like him.

The difference with dealing with it is that he smokes, and she cries.

- I'm okay, - voice turns out to be crooked and unstable. Somehow Jiwon sees her in a perfectly new way now.

He doesn't like her crying, of course, he's not that kind of crazy. Jiwon remembers her as smiling and always hyped-up woman who invited him to one of the best dates he had ever been. It was so distant for him - thinking, that she really likes him and his hobbys just as they truly are. They, other women, always try to change him; his life-style and interests. So when she planned the perfect food and activities for him, he was.. more than impressed. Touched, even. And she enjoyed it as much as he did. Jiwon would never forget how happy she was.

And now he sees her crying her heart out because of stress. It breaks his heart as well.

Basically that is the thing that he finds the most troublesome.

- If you say so, - persuasion is not going to end well and so it's better to stuck with keeping a distance right now. He doesn't want to invade her space more than he already did.

- I'm sorry, I.. I didn't know you were here and thank you also, I just.. - she even tries to bow to him and Jiwon stops her immediately, being as gentle as he can let himself to be, putting his hands on her shoulders. Touching her now might be really offensive. Crying people - really hates it.

- It's alright, no worries. I've got you something, - he goes for a glass that he left on a floor and puts it right in her hand, making sure it won't slip, - You look like you are going to have a badass photoshoot with all that mascara situation on your face..

Jiwon finds it funny and adorable. Dara doesn't.

And so the glass she was holding of course slips out of her fingers and with a loud crack it breaks, water splashes, Jiwon curses and Dara closes her face with hands and cries again. Just ten times harder.

- I'm sorry, oh my fucking God, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it, please, I'm an idiot, please, - he continues to repeat the same things over and over again and he's panicking. He looks like a monkey now, desperately trying to make her look at him without touching her hands. He's in a scariest panic he had ever been for a past few years.

He's in a full panic mode, yes, but he didn't want anybody to interrupt them. Jiwon is not sure how to accept that he wants to deal with it only by himself now.

- Come on, I've got tissues if you didn't like the glass, - he pulls out some and steps on broken pieces, - See? Bad glass. Never gonna give you any glasses anymore.

He does it again a few times and she softly giggles through sobs and did that feel like a heart attack? Because he surely had one.

- Yeah, glass was kinda gross, - she jokes back and he doesn't bother to hide his smile. He's happy for no reason and it right after he made a woman cry. Crazy one, indeed.

Dara calms down just a little and then takes tissues out of his palm and he clearly can see tears streaming down her face.

He's so used to see her smiling. Jiwon just hasn't ever had an idea that she can be sad too.

- I didn't want to hurt you, for real. I'm sorry, - Jiwon feels bad. He really does. It's even funny how he nearly shitted his pants when she continued crying after his stupid joke.

- It's not you, it's okay, - she wipes her face carefully trying not to ruin that was left from make up that she had and Jiwon traces all of her movements, feeling like he's under some spell. It's almost soothing, - I just thought about how it's funny that I was trying to talk to you the whole event and end up ugly crying right in front of you.

Her smile is so sad and Jiwon is just silent. He doesn't know what to do, nor say. There is emptiness in his head and he tries to inhale fresh air deeper to make his brain work already.

He takes one of the tissues and slowly puts her hands down, with that strange dazing feeling inside still being present. Like all the smoke is now moved to his head.

Carefully wiping her cheeks, he follows now his fingers with a gaze and his main mistake is giving zero fucks about how shaking is she.

And she's going crazy.

- You look stunning, - he looks her in the eyes to finally realise that one of his hands is on the side of her neck, pressing firmly against now warm skin and with the other he tries to wipe mascara from her face.

And she blushes so fucking hard, he doesn't know what to do with himself.

Jiwon has enough experience to say that that's where the kiss is happening. But judging by expression on Dara's face if he would even try to do it, she would fain.

First of all, he finds it shitless cute.

Second of all, what the fuck he's even thinking about?

Because he's suddenly not exhausted anymore. He forgot when he stopped thinking about himself and started caring about her.

- Thank you, - her tone is high-pitched and Jiwon smiles like crazy looking at her chin, nodding, silently saying that is no need to be thankful. It's an absolute truth.

Another tuth needs to be relieved - Jiwon is a sucker for moments like this. Yet he stopped paying attention to relationships quite a time ago, so now that long forgotten sensation is impossible to ignore.

He feels twenty years younger. And he was wild during that time.

- How can you still look attractive while crying? - making her blush is basically his favorite thing now. It's natural to be attracted to someone like her.

- Don't say that, oh my God, - Jiwon laughs when she turns her head on the side to not to look at him and smiles just so brightly, yet shy and.. happy. After seeing her drowning in tears, it feels amazing. And his hand still on her soft skin; her heart beat is erratic. Violent. Because of him.

Another heart attack for him.

- It's true tho, - she looks perfect. She was shining in front all that lights before; in front of everyone. It's not about expensive dress or make up. He knows that it's about her attitude. She's naturally beautiful. From the inside, as they like to describe it.

- You too, - she turns again to look at him and her lips are slightly pursed and.. He's going to die, how can a woman be looking that hot, stunning and pure at the same time? And she cried, like, two minutes before and now not even in her best state, - You also is very handsome today. I know that you don't like hearing it, but.. I'm..

She's panicking and Jiwon, being his bastard self, doesn't want to help her. Even tho he feels like his hands are getting colder like he's some teenager.

- You..? - he looks directly in her eyes, stepping a little bit closer, so close he can feel her breath on his skin; now looking at her with curiosity and open adoration. Jiwon adores her. And he didn't even drink today to have that type of feeling.

- I didn't mean that you look nice only today, you always do! - her embarrassment is written on confused flushing red face. Has he squeaked? Hopefully not.

- Okay, - smirk spreads by it's own will and he licks his lips, not caring about what's going on. Or how it looks. The only thing that's important for now is how she looks at him; he can swear no other woman had never had that pure interest in him in her eyes.

He's gone for. Thoroughly.

- Want me to give you a ride? - he proceeds what he said just after a moment she understands what he had just, in fact, said and now it's his turn to be in panic, - Fuck, no! Oh God.. home. I want to drive you home.

Or not.

Oh, God.

Dara giggles after a moment of silence and wide open shocked eyes; the next thing he feels is her tiny hand on top of his. Her delicate touch got him growling inside and he feels something that he wasn't actually physically ready to feel.

- I'd love to, - and she's elegant all of sudden. Dara plans a murderous assault on him or what? It's illegal, - Ask me that question again when we get home.

Because now she's gone for.

[haribeaux]

With All Awry

by Blair Bidmead

(First Published in, the now out-of-print charity anthology, ‘Mythmakers Presents: Golden Years 1963-2013′)

Entry 1 – Thoughts

Even a broken time-machine can move through time. Only in one direction. A second at a time. For once I think Reg is right. History is eating us alive.  

I hope that my notes, scrawled on these damp pages can soak up the remainder of my leaking memories.

I fear I have little left to retain.

Things I am sure of are few. At this moment I can say in all confidence that I am definitely sat, naked in a bath of lukewarm water. But where is this bath located? It seems like a flat in Camden Town, North London. The date, according to the newspaper I am leaning on, is September 27th, 1969.

But, is it? Everything is wrong. The sky is blood red. Night and day are indistinguishable, as though they have been crushed together.

A dream reality. A waking nightmare. So... fractured. Vague.

Enough of this! I must focus on certainties.

As far as I can tell, there is only one certainty left in my possession; the fact that I am the Doctor.

(Reg has burst in - No lock on the bathroom door. He’s ranting. I must discuss the situation with him immediately)

Entry 2 – Notes on Reg

My flatmate is a tall, lugubrious figure. Well spoken with an acerbic turn of phrase. His clothes are fine, somewhat theatrical and have seen better days. But he, like my surroundings, seems... insubstantial. Unfinished.

There are times when I feel he is my closest, most loyal companion. Sometimes it’s hard to discern where I end and he begins. But other times it’s as though he doesn’t exist at all.

No. Concentrate. What just happened? I am out of the bath now. I’m in a dressing gown, a towel around my shoulders, in my bedroom. Check your notes, Doctor!

Yes! Reg came into the bathroom! He was complaining about the cold. He said we had a visitor. Did he say it was his auntie? His cousin?

He said her name was... What was it?

I’m going to speak to her.

Entry 3 – The visitor

She’s just left. I can still smell her perfume. She was... real.

More than real.

I walked into the lounge and caught sight of myself in large mirror above the fireplace. I looked pale and gaunt. Reg was there too, a spectral, sketch-of-a- man haunting the far corner of the room.

The visitor was not like us. She stood in sharp focus, while all around her was a dingy, grey blur. Shining with colour. Dressed in silver catsuit with shocking pink belt, boots and gloves, her honey-blonde hair cascaded over her shoulders. Her smile was devastating. Disarming. Was this our jailer? Will never be set free?

Clearly, I was known to her. She took my hands and sat me next to her on the couch. She looked into my eyes, concern was etched across her face. We spoke. About what!? It’s fading. I was brought here for my own safety, she said.

She wants to help. She’s trying to help. But the sadness in her eyes betrays the fact that she doesn’t think she can.

There was more. I am sure there was more! She said I was safe, but I feel in considerable danger here. I can’t remember her leaving. Her name! I forgot to ask her name!

Reg says he feels unusual and wants to go outside.

Entry 4 - Outside

Reg and I are in agreement. We’re going to escape.

I haven’t seen a soul since we left the flat. The streets are eerily quiet. There’s a background drone, behind the silence. I’m not sure if that is coming from inside my head or the outside world. Come to think of it, perhaps this “outside world” is inside my head!?A disconcerting thought. My head isn’t the most reliable container for anything at the moment. Hence these notes.  

Are they helping?

I’m lost again. What was I doing? I’m sitting on a park bench with Reg. The sky looks like doomsday. Everything has a crimson tinge. No one else in the park. We need to get away. Rejuvenate.

Escape! Yes, that was the plan. Take the car. Leave the city.

We have a car?

I have a car.

Entry 5 – The getaway

The number plate on the jag is “WHO 0”. Is that significant?

I’m the designated driver, it seems. I have just left Reg’s relative’s house and am waiting for him to join me in the car. We came here because... because, the relative had the means to help us in our escape bid? I think that’s right.

The streets were deserted on the drive over. Despite its dilapidated appearance, the jag handles reasonably well. The relative (Reg’s auntie?) is insane. A little old lady in layers of colourful knitwear, her house smelled of cigarettes and years of accumulated dust. But the most disturbing thing about her was that she had substance. She was like the blonde woman who visited us earlier. Real.

Auntie didn’t seem very happy to see us. She was ranting about some "oaf" who had ruined her day. Reg wanted to speak to her in private and told me to wait in the car. The cigarette smell lingers on my velvet coat. It reminds me of... something. Someone?

I remember complaining about that smell. In the console room. A man, smoking in a leather jacket. A friend? Yes! I had a friend! He smoked! Is this my second certainty?

I am the Doctor and I have a friend called... I can't remember. That's dangerously close to reassuring.

Reg is back. I’m starting the engine.

Entry 6 – The cottage

Coming here was a mistake. The city was vague enough, but the countryside is nebulous to the point of almost total absence. Red light and black shadow. The car brought me to the very edge of this equivocal world. Here, teetering on the brink of existence stands this grim cottage where I now sit.

Alone, I scratch out these notes, a ritual to sustain what remains of my corporeal state. Should I just stop?

Reg! Reg is sitting across the table from me, swigging a bottle of wine! He wasn’t there a second ago. Or did I just forget him? He looks like a bad photocopy of a cartoon vampire. I dread to think how I look to him. I am not the man I was. Reg seems to have abandoned any hope he possessed. He was expecting to find something here. He's cursing his aunt, his cousins. His fate.

Who am I? I am the Doctor and I have a friend. A friend who smokes and I don't approve. A friend who cares for my well-being. A friend who has... compassion.

Obviously. (What made me say that?)

If you exist. If you are my friend, I need help. All that’s left of me is here on these tattered sheets of paper. I am almost gone.

Reg says he’s cold. We need to light the fire.

Entry 7 – Dreams within dreams

I have woken up in a big brass bed after a fitful night’s sleep. I am still at the bleak hovel in the country. Unsettling dreams made all the more disturbing by the fact they are so akin to my waking world. Reg’s auntie haunted me, wondering if we could allow ourselves an indiscretion. I strenuously declined the invitation.

At one point, Reg came into the room with a shot gun. Did this actually happen? He stared out of the window and urged me to listen.

“Time,” he said. “Time wants to get in.”

It appears we are under siege. The background drone seems louder. More palpable. I can’t stay here. Too exposed.

I can hear clattering from the kitchen. Hopefully it’s just Reg preparing breakfast.

Send me a sign. Before I fade away.

Clap your hands! “I do believe in Doctors!”

Entry 8 – Telegram

During breakfast, there was a knock at the door. Reg and I exchanged a concerned glance. I tentatively opened the door to find on the doorstep, the Grim Reaper dressed as a postman. Silently, he held out an envelope. I snatched it from his grasp and slammed the door. It was a telegram addressed to me from someone called... Fitz.

Fitz! That’s my friend's name!

DOCTOR ITS REALLY ME (STOP) I AM SAFE SO DONT WORRY (STOP) TOO MUCH TO EXPLAIN BUT BASICALLY ITS OVER (STOP) YOU STOPPED IT (STOP) I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID BUT IT WORKED (STOP) THE WAR IS OVER (STOP) YOU WERE MESSED UP PRETTY BAD (STOP) THE FACTION TOOK YOU IN (STOP) THE ENEMY OF MY ENEMY IS MY FRIEND I GUESS (STOP) THEY SAID SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR BIODATA BEING HIGHLY TOXIC TO HISTORY (STOP) THEY HAVE BEEN TRYING TO DECONTAMINATE YOU (STOP) THEY MODIFIED A REMEMBRANCE TANK (STOP) THEY HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING (STOP) BUT THEY ARE ABOUT TO GIVE UP ON YOU (STOP) DON'T WORRY I AM NOT GIVING UP (STOP) HELP IS COMING (STOP) THEY MAY HAVE SPOKE YO YOU ALREADY (STOP) I SENT YOU SOMETHING TANGIBLE TO FOCUS ON (STOP) MY LEATHER JACKET IS IN THE HALL OF THE CAMDEN FLAT (STOP) THE TARDIS KEY IS IN THE INSIDE POCKET (STOP) GO TO EARL'S COURT TUBE STATION (STOP) IF ALL GOES WELL THE TARDIS SHOULD BE THERE WAITING FOR YOU (STOP) DONT FORGET TO KEEP TAKING NOTES (STOP) ITS VERY IMPORTANT APPARENTLY (STOP) SEE YOU SOON (STOP) LOVE FITZ (STOP)

I show Reg the telegram. He reads it and congratulates me with a grim smile.

We must leave immediately.

Entry 9 – M1, heading south

To make time, Reg is driving while I write. The M1 is an endless, stripe of shadow stretching ahead of us. Behind, the motorway dissolves into nothing. A swirling black and red vortex surrounds us. Things are falling apart.

I have reread Fitz's telegram over and over. It’s definitely him. I can’t quite picture his face, but his voice is clear and distinct. The accent, the intonation; It's Fitz Kriener alright! The rest of the message rings true, even if I still can’t remember the specifics.

The TARDIS! That really does ring a cloister bell! Just seeing those six capital letters on the page make me feel safer somehow. What is it?

I have been evacuated from time, but evacuated to where? How can anything outside of time be counted as a ‘place’ at all? I am outside reality. What does that make me? A fiction?

He said that help was coming, that I may have spoken to them already. Could he mean the woman in the silver catsuit?

No matter. I have a course of action and all my questions will be answered later. Reg points out of the window and Watford Gap services rears up from the maelstrom.

Not far now.

Entry 10- Help

Reading back over my notes, the woman in the silver catsuit and Reg’s auntie both seem likely candidates for this 'help' that Fitz mentioned. I wish I could remember more of my conversation with the blonde woman. Why was Reg so eager to speak to his auntie alone? What could have prevented them from freeing us?

I have been edited from the story of time, made unreal and woven into a different tale. Maybe too much of me was lost in the transition? I have become too engrained in the story. It must be played out to the end.

No other cars on the motorway or as we join the north circular into London. The city is a mausoleum.

Reg is reticent and almost transparent. The jag is running on fumes.

I'll have to catch a train back to reality.

Entry 11- Visitors

Something strange has happened. We’re back at the flat in Camden. I walked into the bathroom and found a stranger taking a bath. A man I have never seen before with a crew-cut and a cheery smile. He greeted me with an affable “Hello” which, for some reason, terrified me. I ran to my bedroom, only to find the woman in the silver catsuit already there, although her catsuit was on the floor and she was in my bed, half asleep. She apologised, saying hadn’t expected to find me here.

Who was the enormous Northerner in the bath? What was she doing here? I demanded to know!  

She said it didn’t matter, that she would leave and then started to search around for her clothes.

(They both sound like they are from the North. Is that significant? North of where?)

I went through to the lounge and found Reg opening a bottle of wine and reading the post. An overwhelming sense of dread enveloped me. I quickly took notes.

She’s leaving. She is standing in the doorway now, offering a sad smile. She blows me a kiss and then hurries out of the flat.  

Reg gives a derisive snort.

I can hear singing from the bathroom. He's still here!? Why didn't he leave with her!?

It's all slipping away. I need to study my notes

Entry 12- Eviction

The Faction have been and gone. They want us to leave. That's alright with me. I just need... something. What was it again?

Entry 13 - The jacket

The man in the bath has gone. I can't find Fitz's jacket in the hall. Reg swears he saw the jacket when we he answered the door to the Faction. Reg is now steaming drunk. It's all going wrong!

"He took it!" Reg shouted, over and over. "He took Fitz's jacket!" I asked him if he meant the man in the bath.

Reg gave me the strangest look and muttered; "It's not a bath, you idiot."

He said he'll walk me to the station.

Entry 14- Goodbye Reg

And there he goes, swigging his bottle of Mersault ’96, sauntering off across the park. With every step, Reg is fading before my eyes. He’s a ghost, then an outline, then nothing at all. I shall miss you, Reg, even though I was never sure if you really existed at all. I had tried to persuade him to come with me. He said it was impossible. I didn’t ask why, I just knew he was right.

The city itself is fading now, evaporating all around me. All that’s remains is the park bench I am sitting on and the path I must take, towards the tube. I can see the light from the station’s sign beckoning me.

Time to go.

Entry 15 – Departure

The platform is dimly lit and deathly silent. When did the background hum stop? I’ve gone over all my notes and reread Fitz's telegram. These pages are the sum total of my knowledge. There’s so little of me, just a list of confusing events and my will to continue.

No, I was forgetting the most important part. I am the Doctor and I have a friend called Fitz Kriener. Through the doubt and confusion, with all awry, he reached out for me. He told me I had succeeded. I stopped a war. If it were all to end here, it would all still be worth it. I would count for something.

The tracks are rattling. A tube train slowly emerges from the tunnel.

Last Entry - Earl's Court

I reached street level and I saw the TARDIS. She dissolved before my eyes. The roar of her engines filled me with an indescribable joy. As the sound slowly faded, the sense of loss that followed was absolute.

The light is fading.

[flakandforay]

Fake Love Teaser 1 Theory

overall: okay, so you know how the protocol for comeback was last time, usually only having one teaser then the whole album preview but with the recent Love Yourself Her album, it seemed as though they changed the comeback protocol a bit by having 2 teasers this time round. hence, continuing the Love Yourself series- this time with the album Tear - they are doing it again, this the teaser 1 of fake love.

warnings: mentions of death, violence, might be triggering, please read with care

⇝ theory maserlist 

theory: remember how i did the magic shop theory a while ago after reading the book, it seems as though bangtan has made this book their main motif just like how they did with Demian by Hermann Hesse for Wings, specifically BST. so, you may want to read my Magic Shop Theory for it to make more sense. 

so now, the teaser is only less than 2 mins long ( specifically 1:54 ) inclusive of the 8 seconds intro of bighit. of course, being a teaser, the song won’t be so explicitly shown so much, just enough for you to want more ( which is what they did towards the end ?? )

now, usually bangtan’s teasers are usually less than a minute because often they dive straight into the title track itself. however, with this teaser of fake love, it’s longer because of the story plot that’s inside as well; the story plot that is connected to Wings short stories ( all 7 of them from Begin, Lie, Stigma, First Love, Reflection, MAMA and Awake ) and highlight reel 起承轉結.

so, the teaser starts off with this screen that says ‘magic shop is a psychodramatic technique that exchanges fear for a positive attitude’.

psychodramatic is a common technique used by therapists.

psychodrama is an action method, often used as a psychotherapy, in which clients use spontaneous dramatization, role playing, and dramatic self-presentation to investigate and gain insight into their lives.

In a session of psychodrama, one client of the group becomes the protagonist, and focuses on a particular, personal, emotionally problematic situation to enact on stage. A variety of scenes may be enacted, depicting, for example, memories of specific happenings in the client's past, unfinished situations, inner dramas, fantasies, dreams, preparations for future risk-taking situations, or unrehearsed expressions of mental states in the here and now

Reference

but moving on, the main thing to focus here is the fact that it exchanges fear for a positive attitude. in a way here, it can also be interpreted as though they exchanged their tears to someone else’s happiness, much like in the story of the Ones who walk away from Omelas which ill explain later. 

see, later on in the video, it reveals as though all of the boys have gone to the magic shop to exchange their fear for a positive attitude. the magic shop is meant to be a place in which people can sort of buy different characteristics but also give up those that are harmless or useless. basically, it is a place where one needs to give up something in order to grow. 

so, most of the boys have gone to the magic shop, as if like this mysterious pawn shop, not gonna lie, to exchange something.

it starts off with Seokjin then followed by Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung, Namjoon , Yoongi and lastly Jungkook. 

based on these scenes, it could be safe to say that most of the boys exchanged items from their Wings short films yet with some semblance of hints from other mvs as well that are part of the HYYH timeline such as the Prologue and Run to items seen in the love yourself highlight reels.

let’s look at what the boys exchanged. 

Seokjin - the earpiece seen in Awake to most likely Smeraldo flowers.

Yoongi - the metronome that he most likely uses while playing the piano to a lollipop that indicates the start of his smoking habits.

Hoseok - the snickers bar in short film mama to a birthday cake, possibly the same one in the highlight reel.

Namjoon - the shard of glass with the words seen in the prologue to a black hair tie.

Jimin - the photo of the trees painting seen in his lie short film to an umbrella.

Taehyung - he exchanged something, possibly his spray paint cans to a bag tied with a bandana

Jungkook exchanged nothing but got a box with a key.

now, see that they exchanged these items, but one would realize how that these fears that were meant to be exchanged for a positive attitude doesn’t seem like it always would be one. in a way, what they expected was a positive attitude but clearly it’s not as seen in the highlight reels. yet interestingly, Jungkook didnt have an item to exchange, he actually exchanged himself, as a way, he sacrificed himself. ( ill bring this idea back again later on )

now, here’s why all the the items that exchanged for to this positive attitude didnt even help them at all. 

Seokjin exchanged his earpiece for Smeraldo flowers.

but one would see later on in the highlight reel, that same bouquet of flowers caused the death of the girl. somehow the death of the girl, triggered the whole house of cards to fall. 

which is why, the next part of the highlight reel, Seokjin’s narration says this. 

“The glorious world right in front of me. My lies were at the bottom of that. All of these dreams would fall with a single breeze.”

this shows how easy these fake memories would shatter, how fragile they are. just like the collapse of the house of cards in Run. and the fact is, they knew very well, that they were all lies, but still continued as if they weren't. 

moreover, the Smeraldo flowers means the ‘truth i couldn’t tell’.

yet, maybe Seokjin received these flowers as a way to turn back time since based on his Love Yourself posters, they translate as such. (  full translations here )

“If i could turn back time, i would want to be a good person.”

“If i could turn back time, i would want to go back to the summer sea.”

in this highlight reel narration of his, Seokjin says this. 

“If we can turn back time, where would we go? If we arrive there, will we be able to straighten out our mistakes and wrongdoings and therefore, be happy?”

as if here, Seokjin says even if there is the chance to turn back time, how sure are they that in the end they would be happy? 

see, Seokjin wants to go back in time to try and save everyone just like in Euphoria, but in the end, he sacrificed himself to save Taehyung but Jimin is left to suffer. hence in a way, regardless, Seokjin cannot save everyone.

at the same time, the Smeraldo flowers are a symbol of his guilt and conscience, his lies that he kept within, its eating him alive. 

how he had the earpiece to spy on the boys since the Skool Luv Affair era, as seen in the earlier concert vcrs together with how in the HYYH: the notes L version, the principal has been asking Seokjin to report to him anything etc. so, the whole time, Seokjin was being used to monitor and spy on the boys; often reporting their actions etc. Seokjin was a traitor at the very core. 

Seokjin 2 March YEAR 19 

I followed my father into the principal’s office where it smelt damp. it has been 10 days since I came back from America. Based on the different school system, I heard that I will be entering one year later. “Please take care of my son.” My father placed his hand on my shoulders to keep me from moving. “The school is a dangerous place. There is a need for regulations.” The principal looked straight at me. As he talked, the wrinkled flesh around his cheeks and mouth sagged, and the interior of his lips was dark red. “Don’t you think so, Seokjin?” I was startled at the abrupt question and my father put in more strength in his hand on my shoulder. The grip was strong enough to make the veins pop out on his neck. “I believe you will do well.” The principal looked at me with such tenacity while my father’s hand on my shoulder gradually increased in strength. My shoulder felt it would break from how tightly my father’s grip was on me. My body was trembling and I broke into cold sweat. “You must always talk to me. I think you will be a great student, Seokjin.” The principal looked at me with an unsmiling face. “Yes.” I could barely squeeze out an answer, I wanted to disappear at that moment. I could hear my father and principal’s laughter. I couldn’t lift my head. I just stared at my father’s brown shoes and the black shoes of the principal. I didn’t know where the shining light was coming from. I was scared of that light. 

his fear was that he couldnt tell the truth of his identity, and the fact that the last line of the L version mentions the ‘shining light’ and that he was scared of it; often many perceives this to be a form of truth, that the truth would prevail. 

The same is true of truth and light. At one end, the end of expression, it is truth, which means reality or realization. At the other end, the source, it is light. When we are holding the truth, by implication we are also holding the light.....To be in the light means that we have the source of truth or reality.

Reference

Seokjin was scared that the truth would come out and hence resulting to having those Smeraldo flowers being delivered etc, because they mean the truth that he couldnt tell. it seems as though his fear hasn’t left him at all despite it being ‘exchanged’. it only became aggravated. 

Yoongi exchanged the metronome to a lollipop. 

remember in the I Need U theory; how lollipops are used commonly in anime to depict the cigarette. ( and this would tie in with the HYYH: the notes L version ).

Yoongi 8 June YEAR 22

I took off my t-shirt again. I looked in the mirror and it was not like me at all. The cotton shirt that was not my type had the word ‘Dream’ on it. No matter how you look at it, the red colour, the word, dream, the shirt didn’t fit me at all. Out of frustration, I pulled a cigarette and looked for my lighter. Since it wasn’t in the back pocket of my jeans, I looked inside my bag. (They) took it away. (They) took it from my hands without any constraint. (They) threw back to me were candy bars and this t-shirt.  

I messed up my hair and stood up when I heard the sound of a message. My heart began to beat faster as at the moment, my hand phone screen lit up brightly with a name that was 3 syllabuses. I broke my cigarette to check the message. In the next moment, I was laughing at the mirror. Wearing the tight t-shirt that had ‘Dream’ written on it, the red colour, I must have looked like an idiot.

which later on explain how those cigarettes were taken away from Yoongi- kinda leaving him bare. however later on in the notes of the L version, it seems as though Yoongi attended the funeral of his mother, his mother who taught him the piano. Hence, he traded the fear of the fear of losing someone so important; giving up the metronome to signify the end of the days of him playing the piano to the lollipop which would only exacerbate his current delinquent life as one would see in the highlight reel, that his juvenile days only extended, with him quitting high school, stopped playing the piano, picked up the habit of smoking etc often got drunk as well etc. 

This could be seen in the HYYH: the notes, L version.

Yoongi 25 June YEAR 20

I opened the door of the bottom drawer with a pop and firstly, took out the bag that was placed inside. I turned the bag inside out and a dusty piano key fell out. I threw the half-burned piano key in the trashcan and laid down on bed. The fire in my heart wouldn’t cool down and so my breathing was ragged, and at some point, soot was smeared over my fingers.

After the funeral, I went back alone to the house that was set ablaze on fire. I entered my mother’s room to see the piano that was burned so badly, the shape was unrecognizable. I hesitantly sat down. I sat there for some time until the sunlight that entered through the window died down. Several keys rolled around in the last of the light. What kind of sound could be heard if I played the keys? I thought about my mother playing these keys a lot. I put one of them in my pocket and left the room.

From that moment on, 4 years has passed. The house has been quiet. Just like it was meant to be quiet. It was past 10 and so my father would have been asleep, afterwards everything held its breath. That was the rule of the house. It was hard for me to endure the silence. it also wasn’t easy to keep up with the stipulated times, regulations and forms. No matter how you looked at it, it was hard to be patient. Nevertheless, I couldn’t stand living in this house. After receiving pocket money from my father, eating with him, I got scolded by him. Rather than not talking to my father and go astray, I lacked the courage to abandon him and the house, to make freedom into reality and not just in words.

I suddenly rose up from bed. I pulled out the piano key from the desk with a tissue paper. I opened the window and the night air rushed in. The wind that came in slapped me with the strength of whatever happened today. I threw the piano key in the air. Today I haven’t gone to school for 3 or 4 days. I heard the news of getting expelled. Now, I don’t know if I want to be kicked out of the house. I listened hard but I couldn’t hear the keys hitting the ground. No matter how much I have been thinking about it, I couldn’t imagine the sound the piano key would have made. No matter how much time has passed, the piano key would never make a sound again. I will never play the piano again.

Hoseok exchanged the snickers bar which was seen in the MAMA short film to get a birthday cake. 

somehow this cake triggered Hoseok’s past to which his mother abandoned him at the amusement park which was seen in the highlight reel. 

maybe his mother also abandoned him on his birthday hence triggering him to have his Munchausen syndrome to be worse.

Munchausen syndrome, is a type of mental illness in which a person repeatedly acts as if he or she has a physical or mental disorder when, in truth, he or she has caused the symptoms. Munchausen syndrome is a mental illness associated with severe emotional difficulties. 

Reference

this Munchausen syndrome could be seen in his short film of MAMA, when one of the doctors was observing him etc. 

his fear of abandonment becomes even more prominent later on when one would see that in the Highlight reel, the girl was in a matter of life or death and that Hoseok even sacrificed himself running in the rain to save her, much like she may not even survive hence possibly abandoning Hoseok yet again. not to mention that maybe this girl was the one who filled the empty void of Hoseok in which his own mother should have given love and attention from the very beginning. hence Hoseok has this sense of attachment to her. 

Namjoon exchanged a shard of glass that had the same words as in Prologue ( You Must Survive ) to a black hair tie -the same hair tie seen in the highlight reels

Namjoon has troubles of accepting himself, in a way he has a fear of facing himself, which is why when he sees his own reflection on the shard of glass; much like the one seen in the Yoongi Run JP. MV - he is quick to surrender it to the magic shop. 

interesting that even on that piece of glass, he still has it written that he must survive. a constant reminder that he needs to live with himself; despite the fact that he cant accept himself. 

however, one could also consider this point of view, in which, Namjoon had a fear of his words being disappeared, in a way that he is being forgotten in terms of his speech.

often, it is seen as though Namjoon kept on writing reminders on mirrors of having to survive. he wanted to constantly remind them to keep holding on.  

he has been doing so since in the Prologue etc and even in the HYYH: the Notes, L version.

Namjoon 15 May YEAR 20

As I walked across the storage classroom that became a hideout for those of us who had nowhere to go, I set a few chairs straight. I wiped away the dust off the fallen desk with my palm while I was at it. Endings make people emotional. Today is the last day I go to school. It has been decided 2 weeks earlier that we would move. I didn’t know if I could possibly return. I wasn’t sure if I could see my hyungs or younger brothers.

I folded a piece of paper in half and placed it on a desk, I even got a pencil out but I didn’t know what words to leave behind, and so I let time pass. While I was scribbling useless words, my pencil lead snapped with a sound. “You have to keep living” on the paper with the marks of the graphite lead that I had scribbled with realizing. In between the black dust powder and scribbles were stories of poverty, parents, dongsaengs and moving.

I crumpled the paper and placed it in my pocket and then I stood. I pushed the desk away and the dust rose. As I began to leave, I blew onto the dirty window and wrote three characters. No goodbye would ever be enough yet no matter what I say, it would be conveyed as ‘”Let’s see each other again”. More than it being a promise, it was just a wish.

though Namjoon likes to write these on temporary things, in which they could easily disappear, he was very quick to actually surrender it. 

Jimin exchanged the photo of the trees in the painting labelled Flower Arboretum to an umbrella. 

Reference

interesting, one of the popular ones when you search this on Google is Yangpyeong Wild Flower Arboretum ( 양평 들꽃수목원 ) 

His fear of being cooped up in hospitals and loneliness to one of jealousy as one would see in the highlight reels. easily being jealous of hoseok and of the girl. later on seen in the HYYH: the notes, L version. 

Jimin 3 July YEAR 22

In the end, I sprawled onto the floor. I turned off the music and my surroundings went quiet, all I could hear was the beating of my heart. I pulled out my hand phone and played the choreography dance video that I had learned in the morning. Hyung’s movements were so smooth and accurate in the video.  That was the result of his countless hours and sweat of practicing, and now since I wasn’t anywhere near as him, I was jealous. However, understanding and hoping are different and so I sighed often. Again I stood up. I imitated the turn as he had done it but I kept twisting my steps. I kept on making mistakes at the parts where we have to match the flow. We decide to match again tomorrow but until then I wanted to be seen as serious. Rather that a playful phrase, I wanted to be complimented as ‘better than expected’, I wanted to be recognized as someone who was equal and serious, one that could match with hyung.

Jimin 28 September YEAR 20

I stopped counting the days since I was hospitalized. Counting is something you would do when you want to get out or there is hope of getting out. The trees and leaves were far outside the window and based on the clothes of people, I think that not much time has passed. At most, a month tops. Sometimes I see myself wearing the uniform though it was nothing special.  Maybe it was because of the medicine, everything looked boring and dull.  But today was a special day. The kind of day you write in a diary. However, I didn’t have one and I didn’t want the problems that come with writing in one. Today was the first time I lied. I looked at the doctor’s eyes and pretended to be gloomy. “I don’t remember anything.”

hence, remember in Euphoria, Hoseok eventually left Jimin to save Taehyung, same thing. especially how in MAMA, Hoseok still sees Jimin’s tree painting. 

Jimin afterwards was lonely, and his illness started to exacerbate, even more seen in Euphoria, in which Jimin runs around the cafeteria as if the boys were all there when they aren't. even more so, when getting the umbrella, as seen in the highlight reel, he still gets wet, as if under the pouring rain, the umbrella did nothing to shield his pain since after all, his reality never changed.

Taehyung exchanged something to get the bag possibly the same girl who stole in the convenience store and even took notice of Taehyung’s vandalism efforts who later joined him as well.

this could be seen in the HYYH: the notes, L version. 

Taehyung 25 June YEAR 22

I deliberately delayed my steps as I sensed to the small steps that was following me. This was the 3rdtime already at the convenience store. If there was something different, it was that today they ran away when they saw me. They hung around a vacant spot behind the convenience store but as I turned up, they hid themselves again. They hid themselves well but their shadows were reaching to the front of the store. I let out a laugh. I pretended that I didn’t see but they began to follow me.

I entered a narrow alley. This is the only place in the neighbourhood without a broken streetlamp. The alley was long and the streetlamp was somewhere in the middle with my shadow stretching. The shadow now stretches behind me. It could have been stretching all the way to the person who was following me with ragged breath. I started walking a little bit faster. As I passed the streetlamp, my shadow disappeared beneath my feet. Not long after, a shadow that wasn’t mine appeared on the cement floor. I stopped walking and so did the movements. The two shadows of different heights stopped side by side.

I said, “I’m going to wait until you come here.” The shadow behind me leaped out of shock. Then it became still as if it wasn’t here. “I can see everything.” I pointed to the shadow. The footsteps became nearer and deliberately were noisy. I laughed.

so it seems as though this girl has appeared yet again in the HYYH: the notes. 

for some reason, i have a feeling that Taehyung fears to be his father, i mean this could possibly be wrong; but i am trying to link the HYYH: the notes, V version here yet again. 

Taehyung 22 May YEAR 22

I passed by a pine tree forest as Hyung picked up a phone call and started to lag behind. Nowadays, there were more times like this. He moved far away so that he could pick up the call where others couldn’t eavesdrop. I deliberately slowed down ad hid myself off towards the ocean. Hyung wouldn’t be able to see me when he passed by. “He’s only one year younger than me. No, I don’t really care. Anyway, I’m not going to be the one taking the responsibility, just do whatever is best.”

Something cold slithered down my spine. It felt as if everything in the world crumbled and crashed with a bang. It felt as if I was floating alone in the deep ocean. It was scary and frightening. I was miserable and insignificant. I was angry. I couldn’t contain my anger. I wanted to cause a scene. I wanted to smash something, to hit something, to wreck myself. I was always afraid. That my father’s blood would run in me. I thought that maybe his violence was what I inherited. It seemed that something was stabbing my tight defenses.

this is especially so since in these notes, it is known that Taehyung has quite the temper and anger management issues, but the breaking point of it is when he stood up to his father but ended up murdering him. Taehyung eventually became what he feared - being the man who resort to violence, with the blood of his father flowing through his veins. he exchanged it for the bag that was seen in the highlight reel yet again. 

interestingly, Jungkook exchanged himself to get a key - a key in a pretty glass box, much like Jungkook has been offered Pandora’s Box. 

Pandora's box is an artifact in Greek mythology connected with the myth of Pandora in Hesiod's Works and Days. The container mentioned in the original story was actually a large storage jar but the word was later mistranslated as "box". In modern times an idiom has grown from it meaning "Any source of great and unexpected troubles", or alternatively "A present which seems valuable but which in reality is a curse"

Reference

now, the reason why i say it is Pandora’s box is because of the fact that Jungkook would soon find out all bad things that surrounds them and the boys as he unlocks the door. 

see, Jungkook also had a fear, he had a fear of losing the boys, his brothers. from his own solo song, his love for them has been clearly established. 

죽을 것 같아 형이 슬프면 형이 아프면 내가 아픈 것보다 아파

=

I feel like I’m going to die when hyung is sad When hyung is in pain, it hurts more than when I’m in pain

Reference: Colour Coded ©

hence, he wanted his brothers to happy and so he would do anything for them, even if it meant sacrificing himself.

hence, without any item to offer, he offered himself as a representation of his own fear. now why do i say this? 

asides from the fact that he didn't exchange anything, see, remember how i brought up the whole Omelas kid in the Euphoria theory, what if, all along Jungkook was the Omelas kid after all?

notice how when he entered the room that he unlocked, he was in tattered clothes, much like the boy/girl in the story of The Ones who walk away from Omelas. remember how Omelas was a city in which despite all the happiness, wealth, luck and good there, only one person in the basement is suffering; and now that is none other than Jungkook. 

Jungkook entered a room with 6 clothe stands. one to represent each of the boys. 

in front of him is a man in a black cloak and wearing a mask - possibly the same mask of the magic owner and the same on in Singularity and possibly none other then Kim Taehyung. 

linking this back to my Taehyung and Hoseok Theory,  and also of Jungkook’s HYYH the notes extended theory, and of Singularity Theory, Taehyung is the one that told Jungkook that last line of his notes. 

“Living is more painful than dying, but even so, do you still want to live?”

i have already established that Taehyung could possibly be the devil since who in the right frame of mind actually encourages suicide, which in a way only triggered the whole domino effect of one by one - the boys would take their own lives after Taehyung as seen in the HYYH timeline. 

however, i would also want to bring across the fact that Taehyung could also possibly be the owner of the magic shop, with how his mask fits everything in Singularity etc, so in a way, Taehyung would have known the fates of each go the boys, but yet he still gives them this fictional choice of actually exchanging traits or their fears to their happiness etc. 

this is especially so with how Jungkook entered the room to find 6 bare clothe stands. remember how in Spring Day and highlight reel, there was this whole changing of clothes and washing machine aesthetic?

so to tie it in, with how the magic shop works, by right, there were supposed to received something positive but in the end, their realities either remained the same or worse. just like by changing clothes, the fates of the boys change even if it is one measly top. 

think of this analogy, if one person wears this shirt, the vibe of someone else wearing the exact same shirt is different, even if the difference is insignificant. 

hence, the whole washing machine aesthetic in which they constantly change the clothes to put it on other members and why there is this huge pile of clothes in Spring Day shows the many possibilities; such as Seokjin in the highlight reel.

as such, the magic shop only exchanged these fears, but they dont guarantee that it would be positive in the long run. hence, the magic shop only removed those painful memories temporarily to give them fake ones in the form of this love relationships with girls, hence fake love. 

the magic shop only provided a coping mechanism to deal with their fears, an escape from their cruel and brutal reality, even accepting the fake love to make them forget the pain. 

later, we see again in the higlight reel at 5:20 the importance of Seokjin’s narration. 

“Even if these moments are a lie, I want to stay here.”

it shows that even if these moments are fake, it made the boys happy temporarily at least and they are more than willing to be delusional for these moments. 

however, the ending of the highlight reel is what sums up this whole Love Yourself series. 

“Eventually I have to face. Loving without being afraid. Saying goodbye to hesitancy. Living as myself.”

and overall, to love theirselves. this is especially so since in the highlight reel, Seokjin says this. 

“With myself, I wasn't confident in being loved.”

this is to say that this whole series is meant to heal them, in accepting all their traits and fears and to love themselves in the end. 

[Photo Source] Bighit Entertainment  Credits: maxine ☕️ DO NOT REPOST ©

[peebeebitchers]

Why Ryan Ross is SUN and Brendon Urie is the MOON ™ Masterpost

Okay, so SOME people seem to have this idea that RYAN is the MOON and BRENDON IS THE SUN?????

This post is mostly for @howrydenprobablybrokeup . I have stood by this theory for years. My goal in life is to educate the masses, and to prove to everyone, that Ryan Ross is a shining ray of light and brendon urie is a beautiful moon. After some encouragement from mutuals including mostly @heymoonrydenwasreal l (as well as @chaotic-lilac-skies , @rainbowryro , @anthropormorphiccarrot and @goldenbrendonurie) I feel extremely compelled to compile my evidence into one really really fucking long post, that you will all be reading for days. Sorry. (also I apologize to @percussion-n-stuff because he doesn’t even like ryden, but he still follows me even though I flood his dash with it all day)

The important thing to pay attention to is who wrote the song and who they’re referring to. For example, if Ryan wrote a song and said “ You are as beautiful as the moon is on a summer night” (i made that up) then that would point to Brendon being the moon, but if he wrote a lyric “I understand that as the sun, I can’t shine forever” (also made up) that would point to Ryan being the sun. This would obviously be reversed if The song is written by Brendon.  These are all just theories, but that’s how I plan on framing most of this evidence.

Pretty. Odd (aka the gay weed bible)

There are a LOT of references to the sun and moon in this album as you likely know, but the majority of it points to Ryan being the sun and Brendon being the moon.

Nine in the Afternoon

This song is mostly about Drugs and being happy writing songs again overall. The only line that is remotely sun and moon theory Ryden in this song is the chorus.

“Cause it’s nine in the afternoon, 

your eyes are the size of the moon”

This line is implying both beauty and dilation. So even though that thought is weak, I feel like it works for this.

She’s a Handsome Woman

Again there isn’t a lot of sun and moon theory evidence in this song at all. While this isn’t very sun and moon theory, I feel like it should be mentioned and does have a very weak bit of evidence in it. The only thing I could think of was this:

“Jealous orchard,

The sky is falling off the ceiling

While I’m tucking fibs into a cookie Jar”

So, “Jealous orchard” is about how one of them is jealous (Brendon probably  bc Ryan was with Keltie at this point I believe)

“The sky is falling off the ceiling” means that the sky (i.e. sun and moon) is going to be used for a different purpose. Seeing as this is one of the first tracks on the album, it could be warning fans about all of the metaphors and allusions to sun and moon that will be in the album.

“While I’m tucking fibs into a cookie Jar” also about Jealousy.

Do You know What I’m seeing?

Very little sun and moon theory evidence. Though a lot of the song is about the sky, weather etc. which goes with sun and moon there isn’t much supporting either side of the argument. I’m still going to talk about one repeated verse though.

“I know it’s mad, but If I go to hell

will you come with me or just leave?

I know it’s mad, but if the world were ending

Would you kiss me or just leave me?

Just leave me?”

This is ryan asking brendon if he’s committed to the relationship

“If I go to hell” contributes to “Ryan is the sun” idea. The sun is hot, hell is hot etc. 

I Have Friends in Holy Spaces (Written by Brendon)

The first substantial sun and moon evidence and very solid at that. I have to set this up a little so that the actual evidence will make the most sense. This song is pretty clearly about the singer/ writer (Brendon) talking to/about a new love (Ryan)

“You remind me of a few of my famous friends

Well, that all depends what you qualify as friends”

I mean...it’s pretty obvious. (*cough* friends with benefits *cough*)

“Take a chance take your shoes off, dance in the rain

And I was flashing around the news spread all over town

I’m not complaining that it’s raining, I’m just saying

that I like it a lot”

People shipping ryden

“The rain” represents people sort of being on their case about Ryden, abd Brendon is saying “I don’t really care, you shouldn’t either, just dance in the rain”

“If the sun would come out and

sing with me”

Brendon not only wrote, but also sings this song. The next song is Northern Downpour in which ryan sings a lot

Brendon is asking ryan to sing with him so he does!

Sorry, I’m not crying, I just go something in my eye

Northern Downpour (By George Ryan Ross III)

How do I even set this one up??? I apologize if I get so many tears on the screen that my computer breaks and I have to stop this post. Again sorry.

There actually isn’t a shit ton of sun/moon theory here ( ots of seattle lore though if you want to know about that go here)

“Hey moon please forget to fall down

“Hey moon don’t you go down”

Tensions were high in the band when this song was written

“Hey brendon don’t leave me”

“I care a lot about you Brendon”

When the Day Met the Night aka the song that inspired sun/moon theory (Written by Ryan)

WOWZA there is soooo much to talk about in this song. Let’s just get into it.

“When the moon found the sun

All was golden in the sky”

When Brendon  and Ryan met, all was good.

“When the sun found the moon

She was drinking tea in her garden”

When Ryan (the sun) met Brendon (the moon) he was chill. Just drinking his tea. C A S U A L

“When the moon found the sun,

he looked like he was barely hanging on

But her eyes saved his life”

When brendon (the moon) met ryan (the sun) he was having a hard tim, but Brendon’s love/looks (“her eyes”) helped him get through it

Brendon saved Ryan

i’m not crying, you are.

“So he said ‘would it be all right

If we just sat and talked for a little while

If in exchange for your time

I gave you this smile?”

Ryan asked Brendon to go out?? With him/be with him for a little while

In return Ryan would be happy (aka “the smile” have you seen that boys smile of course Brendon agreed)

“So she said ‘That’s OK

As long as you can make me a promise

Not to break my little heart,

Or leave me all alone in the summer’

Brendon basically told Ryan, “I’ll be with/date you if you promise to not break my heart” and so yeah

I’m crying because Of what happened after this song. AGH

I’m sorry guys

“Well he was just hanging around

and then he fell in love

And he didn’t know how

But he couldn’t get out”

Ryan was just doing his thing

And then he met Brendon and was like “wtf, this d00d is hawt af”

And he was kinda caught off guard

Overall, the song talks more about the sun and how the sun is feeling than the moon, which points to the fact that Ryan is the sun. Ryan wouldn’t be able to write from Brendon’s point of view. gUYS RYAN IS THE SUN!!!???

She Had the World

You can’t really follow up When The Day Met the Night with anything, because no song will have that much good old evidence as that song, but I can still try.

“Because when I look in her eyes

I just see the sky

When I look in her eyes

Well I, just see the sky”

Written by ryan

Very @brendon

The moon is in the sky

(yes I’m aware this could also work for Brendon being the sun)

And that’s all for Pretty. Odd Folks. Remember to always smoke weed with your lovers, reinvent love and if you’re going then to go go gooo.

Vices and Virtues Main tracks (aka, I’m bitter af Ryan why’d you hurt meh lik tis?!!?!??)

Wow this album is salty AF. oh boi. You can just taste the bitter in brendon’s voice. Obviously all of this is written by brendon so that

The Ballad of Mona Lisa

“Say what you mean

Tell me I’m right

Let the sun rain down on me”

Brendon is saying “stop lying

You know that i’m the one that’s right in this situation

Let Ryan (the sun) come back

Memories

“When July became december

their affection fought the cold

And they couldn’t quite remember

what inspired them to go”

“When July became December” when it became winter. The sun often doesn’t come out as much or in some places goes away entirely during winter. Ryan (the sun) left the band.

“Their affection fought the cold” supports this

“They” is both Ryan and Brendon, but especially brendon seeing as he wrote the song

Trade Mistakes

“May I never sleep tonight as long

As you’re still burning bright

If I could trade mistakes for sheep

Count me away before you sleep”

I won’t be able to rest as long as you’re still in my mind

What burns bright? The sUN

I made a lot of mistakes, and I won’t be able to sleep until I get them off my chest.

“Burning Bright” could be refering to success or being angry/upset/having unfinished business with brendon

Could this one be more obvious??

Always

This one could go either way, but I’m still gonna talk about it because I feel like It works better for brendon-is-the-moon-theory.

“I’m the light blinking at the end of the road

Blink back to let me know

(it was always you)”

The moon is a light in the dark

A light at the end of the tunnel if you will

He’s saying he’ll get back together if that’s what Ryan wants

Brendon was so not subtle with this album oh my god. This song is literally about a failed romance. This whole album is about a failed romance boi.

The Calendar

This song is confirmed to be about the split, and oh boy, is it ryden. Ryden af.          Oh     my      god.

“Summer’s on its death bed”

Pretty. Odd era is over

Sun has gone away

“At night your body is a symphony

“And I’m conducting”

Night -- the moon

Obviously referring to sex

yeah

Sarah Smiles

Now you might be reading this, and thinking....bitch??? This is the song Brendon wrote for Sarah??? What do you mean? The thing is this song is actually very ryden and if you’re curious as to why, please send me an ask and I will make another post detailing that.

“I’m just a guy living on my own

Waitin’ for the sky to fall

Then you go and change it all, though”

I was all alone, waiting for the sky (the sun/ryan) to fall (come back to me)

Then you go and change it all (Sarah came ‘round and was like yo) and so she changed the plans

Vices and Virtues Bonus Tracks (aka the saltiest of Brendon’s discography)

Stall Me

Oh boy. This is possibly the most sun and moon theory thing oh oi.

“Why would you bring me in

If you knew what you'd become

So curse everyone and everything,

even the sun”

Do I even have to explain?

Why would ryan let him in the band  if he knew he was eventually going to leave?? Fuck him (the sun)

What would brendon be referring to?

What other situation did someone let him into something and then become something else?

Why are you cursing the sun Brendon?

Because the sun is George Ryan Ross III ™

Turn Off the Lights

“Turn off the lights, turn off the lights

Turn on a show for me tonight

...

So shoot a star on the boulevard tonight

I think I’ll figure it out with a little more time

...

Turn off the lights

Turn on the charm for me tonight”

Get rid of the sun (RYAN)

“Shoot a star...tonight ” look for someone new, tonight, with out the sun.

“Turn off the lights” get rid of the sun “turn on the charm for me tonight” turn on the charm, look for someone new etc.

Bittersweet

“All that hate is gonna burn you up

It keeps me warm at night”

So he’s dissing ryan

What’s hot? The sun.

It keeps me warm at night--reference to romance

Wow, brendon you’re so subtle

That’s all for Vices and Virtues, remember that Brendon is a salty vampire and to not break his heart.

Death of a Bachelor (aka Frank sinatra is sucking my dick behind a nightclub Ryan I miss you please come back, I’m crying)

Death of a Bachelor

“Do I look lonely?

I see the shadows on my face”

Yes you look lonely brendon

You did lose weight, the weight of 5 bandmembers

The shadows on your face are from not having the sun around anymore.

yeah

Crazy=Genius

“You can set yourself on fire

But you’re never gonna burn burn burn”

@ryan

What burns?

The sun

Golden Days

“Oh, don’t you wonder when the light begins to fade?

And the clock just makes the colors turn to grey

Forever younger growing older just the same

All the memories that we make will never change”

“The light” the sun has gone away

I feel the same as I did before but now everything is different

Impossible Year

This song was written during Vices era and oh my gosh

“There’s no sunshine, this impossible year

Only black days

And sky gray

And clouds full of fear

Storms full of sorrow

That won’t disappear

Just typhoon and monsoons

...there’s no you and me

This impossible year”

No sunshine??

Who’s gone now?

There’s no you and me???

gUYS

Ryan is the sun ™ confirmed

Wow

Brendon

Tone it the fuck down

Subtle much?

The end of Death of a Bachelor, (Ryan pls come back)

Ryan’s Solo Album (aka, I’m sad and miss you brendon, so I’m gonna make you feel bad by making the best ™ music)

Lonely Moonlight

I am aware that his could be construed either as brendon the sun or the moon. Considering though,that it's really weird to write a song in 3rd person about how lonely you are. I feel like lonely moonlight is highkey about how they’re both lonely without each other.

“The sun went down

Over my head

Another day lost

Filled with regret”

The days when he was with brendon, when he was the sun, are over and now he feels regretful

“I wandered through the sunshine,

remembering when you were mine

Lonely moonlight, lonely moonlight

When i had a younger heart

You told me not to fear the dark”

He’s reminiscent of his days as the sun, with the moon

They’re both lonely now (especially brendon bc he doesn’t

When I was younger ( in the band) you helped me feel less insecure about myself.

What brings light in the dark? The moon. He’s talking to Brendon.

This song could go either way, but seeing as it is just a lot of “lonely moonlight”’s repeated over and over again, I feel like it works pretty well for this side of the theory. Paired with all of the other evidence, it works better this way.

Where I belong

This can also go the other way with a stretch, but it works so much better like this.

“If you wanna see the sun

You’re gonna have to dig your way out

This war ain’t gonna fix itself”

He’s talking to brendon

He needs to make amends (“fix the war”) with ryan/ “see the sun”

“The glitter is gone

I’m done with the dark

I know I’ve been wrong”

Referencing fever era

What lights up the dark? The MOON. he could also be talking about how he’s tired of not being the sun anymore

He’s admitting he did something wrong

At Your Window

“I might have lost control

“It’s been dark since the sun came up”

I’ve felt lost since I found myself again?

He’s letting go of the old days, so he’s coming out of the dark, and doesn’t feel in the dark anymore. He’s the sun again, but in a different way

“Through the sun, I see where I come from”

He came from the sUN

???? I mean?? How do you not get it??

He’s the sUN

“At your window in the night”

What’s out in the night? The sun?

Whose window is he at? brENDON’s

Yes I know this last one is pretty stupid.

Bonus: Home Recordings (Jon Fucking Walker) (aka Fuck, I’m actually a really good solo musician, I shoulda been doing this the whole time)

Sun and Moon

“What’s the point of holding on

If the two of you just don’t belong

...

“I don’t wanna shout

I don’t need the sun and the moon

To tell me what to do”

Wow Jon, okay. You coulda been a little calm. I mean geez, does no one in this band understand subtlety? And privacy. Oh my godsh.

He’s basically making peace with the fact that the band broke up

He’s being a chill little hippie

“I don’t wanna shout” me either Jon, you unproblematic fave.

Other Important Evidence that isn’t Lyrical

Brendon used to call Ryan a Golden God

Ryan Ross is beautiful ray of SUNshine? How could he be the mOON?

The story of Sun and Moon: The sun is a constant light. It’s always bright etc. To Brendon, this is what Ryan was. A constant Ray of light and happiness. (I mean Ryan is that for me too, so I don’t blame Brendon.) On the other hand, when the sun and moon thing began, Ryan was in a difficult time. His dad had just died/was dying, and he was in the middle of tour. You can imagine how hard that is for someone. For Ryan, Brendon was like a light in the dark...you know like the moon is? Yeah.

Ryan also wrote a lot of the music for the band, (produced the light) and Brendon sang it for him (reflected the light) which is how the sun and moon are.

In conclusion, whether you agree with me or not I’m right. (Just kidding, if you disagree feel free to message me, or send an ask or reblog. I don’t really care either way) Ryan is the sun, Brendon is the moon and those are my final thoughts.