#so what i’m getting from this is that bro is a beautiful soul

[mearchy]

Wookiepedia descriptions of the clones will be like “[Copy pasted recounting of the prequels plot]”, “They served on Planet with a Jedi [summary of clone wars episode],” “Personality: they showed evidence of humor when they laughed one time,” “Death: They were killed in the most horrible way you can imagine,” “Behind the scenes: Dave Filoni likes purple and that’s why his armor is purple. And his name is Huttese for Bread.”

[sharlsworld]

⋆⭒˚.⋆ i go lower - ʟɴ4 ☆

✿ lando norris x influencer reader + ex bf charles & ex best friend alexandra

✿ charles leclerc just keeps proving how much of a red flag he is

ᵃᵘᵗʰᵒʳˢ ⁿᵒᵗᵉ ୨୧ this is actually bad, i kept losing motivation so i just wanted to end it i’m so sorry

🝮

🝮

two days after the monaco gp

f1wags

liked by landonorris and 29,617 others

f1wags charles with a mystery girl in monaco last night! trouble in paradise?

lordperceval that ain’t no mystery girl 😭

sharls_lerklerk thats alexandra saint mleux she’s y/n’s ex best friend

⤷ lady.georgerussell why’d they stop being friends?

⤷ sharls_lerklerk she got with her ex boyfriend before charles 😭

⤷ lady.georgerussell63 SHUT UP 😭

estiebestie charles red flag leclerc back at it again

ethereal.yn bop

tripod.gasly bro invented homie hopping

all4lando why is no one gonna talk about lando liking this post?

sharls.eclair bro got p1 his home race and don’t know how to act anymore 💀

♥︎ by landonorris

dannyric.canlickle LANDO??!

🝮

ihateyn removed charles_leclerc and ynsbiggestfan as a follower

ihateyn unfollowed charles_leclerc and ynsbiggestfan

ihateyn

liked by lewishamilton and 92 others

ihateyn what the fuck i just woke up from my nap to my boyfriend out on a date with my ex best friend???

oscarpiastri I hate whores

francisca.cgomes i will cut his brakes

georgerussell63 Please dont cry queen I’ll run him off the track don’t worry

landonorris stand up

⤷ ihateyn i’m up

carlossainz55 Just say the word and I’ll make sure he’s never able to drive ever again I have nothing left to lose

lilymhe don’t be a little bitch

⤷ ihateyn you right you right

maxverstappen1 I’ll cut his dick off

sabrinacarpenter girl just tell me what to say and i’ll sing it for you dw

🝮

yn

liked by charlottesiine and 1,912,542 others

yn all in my lonesome

francisca.cgomes he who shall not be named better sleep with one eye open

lorenzotl Je t'aime petite soeur ❤️

⤷ yn i love you too enzo 🤍

⤷ sharlsworld “i love you little sister”

lilymhe once i get my hands on him it’s over for him

lewishamilton Chin up girl, You’ll be alright. sending all my love ♥️

⤷ roscoelovescoco yes’s we love’s you’s!

⤷ yn i love you two 🥹🥹♥️

arthur_leclerc i love you forever sista, my day 1 😇😇

⤷ yn my partner in crime always 🤞🏽

joris__trouche Been quiet since you left

⤷ yn come over whenever you want, you’re always welcome joris 🫶🏽

⤷ sharls_leclercussy gasping for air rn

chillinlikechili charlotte liked??

leclerc_pascale Ne sois pas triste, le soleil brillera à nouveau. Je t'aime pour toujours, viens bientôt tu me manques ♥️🥰

⤷ yn je serai bientôt fini maman je t'aime

⤷ sharlsworld pascale said “don’t be sad, the sun will shine again. i love you forever, come over soon i miss you” y/n said “i’ll be over soon mom i love you”

charleslovesyn ok but joris’ comment? my soul is weeping right now

🝮

yn

liked by danielricciardo and 3,082,561 others

yn 💌💐🎀🪩

landonorris who’s that handsome lad in the last slide? 😍

⤷ yn some bum i picked up on the side of the road

⤷ landonorris he looks absolutely yummy is he single 😈

⤷ yn get outta my comment section

leclerc_pascale Ma jolie fille! Tu me manques, douce fille 🤍🤍🤍

⤷ yn tu me manques aussi maman 💗

⤷ sharlsworld pascale said “my beautiful daughter! i miss you sweet girl” y/n said “i miss you too mom”

⤷ lovely_leclerc she’s literally the daughter she never had i’m sobbing 😭

alex_albon return him this instant

⤷ yn nahhhh

georgerussell63 Hmm interesting…

⤷ carmenmmundt Very interesting

landonorizz HELLLURRR WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THE LAST SLIDE??

iactuallyhateyn moving on already?

⤷ yn can i not have guy friends?

lilymhe healing era rn revenge era coming soon trust guys 🥰

⤷ yn 😉

charlesismyman69 home hopping is crazy poor charles i hope he’s ok

⤷ landonorris yeah poor charles i wonder how he’s feeling after cheating on his girlfriend of 4 years with her ex best friend

⤷ oscarpiastri clocked him 🤣🤣

🝮

charles_leclerc

liked by arthur_leclerc and 682,143 others

charles_leclerc Yawn

alexandrasaintmleux 😍😍😍

⤷ forzacharles GIRL

oscarpiastri get out my face bro 💀💀 this is so embarrassing and bad for your image how do you sleep at night

⤷ charles_leclerc very good beside the love of my life. now run along with your master you little lap dog

⤷ oscarpiastri cmon we all know you wish you were still her little lap dog 😂 and is she really the love of your life or the only girl around with no self respect??

⤷ mclaren Oscar please don’t make us take your social media away

landonorris oh that not-

maxverstappen1 Brotha eughh

lilymhe downfall era 💀🔥

⤷ hoeforsainzzz lily muni he & oscar piastri y/n defenders & charles haters: confirmed

♥︎ by lilymhe and oscarpiastri

estiebestie actually his downfall era though

lady.georgerussell erm what the sigma

carlando this should’ve stayed in the drafts

alex_albon this…not fye.

comments have been disabled

🝮

yn

liked by schecoperez and 5,592,781 others

yn life lately 🍉

leclerc_pascale My girl!! You’re like a breath of fresh air for my soul 🤍🤍

⤷ yn you always light up my day maman 🤍

♥︎ by leclerc_pascale

arthur_leclerc i totally won the diving contest idc what everyone else says

⤷ lorenzotl No I definitely did

⤷ yn you two basically belly flopped i won

scuderiaferrari We miss our girl! ❤️

♥︎ by author

charlottesiine cutie pie 😉😘🥰😍

⤷ yn your the reason why 🙂‍↔️

♥︎ by charlottesiine

landonorris fucked that pasta up

⤷ yn no sauce was detected on that plate after lunch

francisca.cgomes living for this

georgerussell63 I fear you won

⤷ yn 🥇🥇

forzacharles SCREAMING RIGHT NOW WHAT IS GOING ON

estiebestie pascale? arthur? lorenzo? charlotte? i’m deceased

carlossainzappendix she’s winning in life

🝮

yn

liked by danielricciardo and 11,017,535 others

yn worth the wait

landonorris i’d wait a million years for you

⤷ yn you’re to sweet to me

lilymhe this is the revenge era

maxverstappen1 That’s my favorite couple

francisca.cgomes WOOOOOO

leclerc_pascale My daughter deserves all the good in life 🥰 I love you my girl ❤️

⤷ yn i love you maman 💗

arthur_leclerc ❤️❤️

oscarpiastri Now I gotta deal with all the lovely dovey stuff

⤷ yn don’t act like your not happy about this

lewishamilton What did I say? Everything would be alright ❤️

⤷ yn so wise

lorenzotl My little star, you deserve all the love in the world 🌟💛

⤷ yn don’t make me cry enzo

joris__trouche 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

charlottesiine so happy for you pretty 💘

♥︎ by author

🝮

landonorris

liked by maxfewtrell and 8,719,932 others

landonorris i’ll find you in every lifetime

yn nothing can keep us apart

⤷ landonorris nothing at all

francisca.cgomes are we surprised? no

danielricciardo Tone down the pda in the paddock plz 🙏🏽

⤷ landonorris nah fam

carmenmmundt Awhh so happy for you two

⤷ yn marry me carmen

⤷ carmenmmundt I’ll meet you at the altar

⤷ landonorris i just got her and your already taking her away from me 💔

pierregasly Hittin the clubs tonight

lilymhe shoutout to those un loyal bitches!!

alex_albon george owes me 200 bucks

⤷ georgerussell63 Whatever

⤷ yn uh what

⤷ alex_albon i said his post would be more sappy then yours

⤷ landonorris i hate you both

[rinskazuu]

their voice lines about you, as their lover!

just my fav characters^^

INSPIRED BY @fatuismooches and their “harbingers’ voicelines about you.” they did so well, i loved it. y’all should go check it out!

xiao, itto, tighnari, ayato, ningguang, sara, yanfei, childe, diluc, zhongli, kaeya, beidou, cyno, & al haitham x gn!reader

implied that reader is an immortal/non mortal being in xiao & zhongli's.

cw: fluff. use of they/them pronouns. pet names: you’re mostly referred to as their “lover”, and “my darling” in 2 of them. some of them are slightly ooc, but i already put it in parentheses. i tried my best!

a/n: this is my very first post here, and im kinda nervous because even tho ive been writing for a long time, im still rlly insecure of my work. i removed a couple characters cus it got too long.. but if you guys like it, ill make a part two<3

hsr version

edit: please excuse my punctuation, especially the improper use of the commas and lack of oxford commas. (this is an edit made after a LONG time since this was posted)

♡

XIAO

about [name]:

“hm? you want to know about [name]? well… there’s not much to say. what? i’m not blushing!”

chat: meals

“personally, the idea of human cuisine doesn’t delight me much. food isn’t necessary for an adepti but, i do enjoy [name]’s cooking quite a lot. they make the best almond tofu.”

chat: stress

xiao lets out a deep sigh, “[name] is too careless. and while they have such a big heart, they take too many dangerous commissions. on more than one occasion, i had to find them myself, just to see them injured. they claim they didn't call my name, because they don’t want to become a burden but, i… ah, never mind.”

chat: bonds

“hm… [name] and i have known each other for centuries. it really does make me happy seeing them and morax together. ah? he goes by zhongli now…?”

chat: flowers

“flowers? such a distraction... i pay no mind to them. but, i have heard from many mortals that, people in relationships do cherish such gifts. should i pick some for [name]?”

♡

ITTO

about [name]:

“[name]?! you’ve met [name]? they’re so cool right? they’re my best bro, my everything, my one and only! tell me, has [name] said anything about me to you? they said they love me? oh! hm? my cheeks? THEY’RE NOT TURNING RED, it’s just the paint…”

chat: onikabuto

“yeah, i’m the best and number 1 at onikabuto fighting! i always win! well, except when i fight with [name]. somehow, they always win, i don’t know how! they never let me in on their secret too. one day, they will tell me.”

chat: jail

“[name] is great. they bail me out all the time. really, i’m so grateful to have them! they’re fit to be the leader of the arataki gang but, nobody can be the leader except me, arataki itto.”

chat: picnics

“[name] and i always go out for picnics, and then we have an onikabuto fight. even though they always win, i’m happy to be spending time with them. but, you gotta be careful, last time, i spilled some of the juice and [name] got a bit angry. huh? what do you mean i don’t seem like a picnic guy?”

chat: horns

“yeah these babies are painted! i usually paint them but sometimes, [name] helps me cover the spots i can’t. they’re so good at it too. is there anything they’re not good at?”

♡

TIGHNARI

about [name]:

“you’ve met my wonderful lover, i see. yes, [name] often helps around gandharva ville. they do visit frequently, even though they reside in sumeru city.”

chat: sadness

tighnari sighs, “i do miss [name] a lot. i know they come often but, with them being busy working for the akademiya, it does get a little lonely without their presence during the night.”

chat: views

“hm, i’d say gandharva ville has some of the best views in all of sumeru! i take [name] to some of these places and, it lights a smile every time! a lot of beautiful flowers and mushrooms grow here. i do make sure to pick the non-poisonous ones though!”

chat: jealousy

“[name] has such a kind soul, all the forest rangers admire them. how could they not? i’ve never seen them do a bad thing in my entire life! though, it does get frustrating when they stare at them too long… i do admit, i get a little jealous.”

chat: petting

“ah? you want to pet my ears? well… i usually only allow [name] to pet me but, i’m sure they wouldn’t mind either. my tail? hah, now you’re going too far!”

♡

AYATO

about [name]:

“hm? [name]? yes, that is the future head of the kamisato clan. ah, don’t tell them just yet but, i do plan on placing this lovely ring where it rightfully belongs.”

chat: family

“well, with only my sister left of our family, i do cherish her very much. [name] gets along with ayaka quite well. hm, speaking of which, they’re probably spending time together, at this hour.”

chat: work

“aside from being the head of the kamisato clan, my role as a commissioner does get in the way of a lot of things, including spending time with my lover. it’s such a shame. yet, they’re so patient with me. say, traveler, do you think i’m undeserving of [name]?”

chat: bubble tea

“haha, i am quite fond of bubble tea. i request for thoma to get it for me often. somehow, [name] always gets wind of it and steals a couple sips. they probably think they’re sneaky but, i know thoma is always telling them. they’re adorable so, i suppose i can’t be complaining.”

chat: safety

“during the vision hunt decree, [name] was really busy working and it worried me to death. i barely saw them and, unfortunately, i had to ask their close friend, kujou sara. both her and i share concerns over them so, she helped me even though, she was a little reluctant.”

♡

NINGGUANG

about [name]:

“apologies, traveler, i’m a little busy right now. [name]? ah, my lover. well, i suppose i can sit down and have a chat about them for a bit.”

chat: danger

“although i’ve had a couple discussions with the adventure guild about [name]’s dangerous commissions, nothing seems to stop them. of course, they’re very passionate about helping others but, i’m worried they’ll put themselves in danger and i won’t be there to save them. traveler, maybe you can talk to them?”

chat: lunch

“hm yes, [name] and i go out to liuli pavilion a lot. i hear many people of liyue mutter about how jealous they are of them, how easy it is gain my attention and time. though, that does strike up my worry about their safety…”

chat: shopping

“although my job, as the protector of liyue, tends to get me busy, you might find it shocking that i do spend a lot of my time with my lover. we go shopping every week. not that i’d ever let you see but, my closet is filled with clothes that match theirs.”

weather: rain

“agh, the rain is such a bother. on the other hand, [name] is fond of the rain, they often venture during this weather. although i despise it, i suppose i can tolerate it for them. will you be a dear and fetch me an umbrella?"

♡

SARA

about [name]:

"so, you want to know about [name]? i hope for your sake, that you don't have any malicious intentions, but other than that, i'll be happy to talk about them."

chat: loyalty

"yes, i am rather extremely loyal to the shogun. [name]? i assure you that this topic doesn't affect our relationship. despite the fact that i'm not shy to talk about it, i'd rather keep our affairs private."

chat: knitting (ooc? hc)

"huh? knitting... so, [name] told you about that. well, i suppose i can tell you, i do enjoy the simple hobby with them. it tends to release a lot of stress. although, i'm not sure why they spoke about it..."

weather: thunder

"the lightning and thunder is a sign of the shogun's will. i do often announce my loyalty to the shogun but, more times than none, i get aggravated by it. the only other thing that allows me to tolerate it is [name]. they love to huddle up to me and i find it adorable, it really takes my mind off the weather. don't tell them... or you might have to start sleeping with one eye open."

chat: onigiri

"as a warrior in inazuma, it's hard to carry heavy foods with me when i am not home, which is why i ask [name] to make me onigiri. they make it so well, it's packed with flavor and it's easy to carry. i always miss their specialty dishes though."

♡

YANFEI

about [name]:

"have you met [name] yet? you have! hm, the expression on your face tells me the meeting with them was delightful. i'll tell you, being a legal adviser is not easy but seeing their bright face every time i come home, makes it a ton easier. they make me forget about all the civil cases."

chat: comfort

"sometimes, i think i'm good at hiding my facial expressions but the moment i come home and see [name], they know exactly how my day went, or more so what type of day i had. they're exceedingly perceptive and, having a lover like them makes my life a whole lot worthwhile."

chat: late night work

"like i said, being a legal adviser isn't necessarily easy, especially when you have a big case. i spend a lot of nights reading into boring cases, like that will i've recently encountered, however, [name] tends to bring me tea and sit in my home office to comfort me. it often distracts me but, i don't mind."

chat: cooking

"i'm sure i've mentioned how much i love tofu, right? well, [name] makes it ten times better. they spoil me too much, often rewarding me with tofu. i can't cook the way they can. archons, i wonder what i did to deserve such a lover like them."

chat: legal knowledge

"though it may come off as a shock, [name] knew quite a lot about laws before i met them. it wasn't until we got into a relationship, did i know about that. you bet i fell even more in love with them."

♡

CHILDE

about [name]:

"good evening comrade! ah, what am i doing? picking flowers for my darling of course. i see, so you have met [name]. haha, they are truly wonderful aren't they? the more deserving they are of my time to be picking glaze lilies for them then, huh?"

weather: snow

"are you shivering, comrade? this weather is nothing compared to snezhnaya! you really remind of [name]. when i brought them to dragonspine, they were sniffling and whatnot. scared me half to death when a hue of blue took over their face, which is what convinced me to halt my vacation to snezhnaya with them."

chat: sparring

"everything in this world pales in comparison to the thrill of sparring. well, aside from spending time with my lover, of course. speaking of which; they're truly strong. [name] has beaten me every time we've sparred throughout our entire relationship, and they think i'm going easy on them but truth is, i really struggle against them..."

chat: spending

"[name] often scolds me for pampering them with expensive gifts but, i see it as a harmless gesture. of course i'm going to spoil my darling, how could i not?! ah, don't tell them about this one. do you think they'll like it? should i get another ring? i am getting sweaty thinking about their reaction. hm, thank you for the reassurance, comrade."

chat: family

"apart from teucer, [name] hasn't met any of my family yet. i'm fully convinced they'll love them though. they get along really well with teucer, he's even went on to call them an older sibling. it makes my heart swell. nothing brings me more joy than seeing my family and lover getting along."

♡

DILUC

about [name]:

"[name]? of course i've met them, they are my lover after all. so you've heard...? they're a wonderful, kind, and passionate soul. what truly delayed our love was that they're a knight of favonius, a captain no less. but, i've grown to love that part of them as well."

chat: job (slightly ooc?)

"[name] looks wonderful under the dim light of angel's share, don't you think? even though we've been in a relationship for a long time, i will never get used to the way they're always so beautiful. ah, pardon me, i'm being unprofessional."

chat: brother

"tch, kaeya can be quite a bother, honestly. but, [name] always encourages me to reconcile with him. i'm not sure what there is to reconcile... though, i understand they do have only pure intentions."

weather: breeze

"usually, i pay no mind to the weather but, as of late, [name] has taken a keen interest in taking me out to cider lake during the night. it's often windy, sometimes a light breeze will cross us. like usual, they look wonderful under the night's light."

chat: art

"i'm not one to be into art but, it's one of [name]'s hobbies. they spend quite a lot of time indulging in this. everything they've made has been, how do i say this... a masterpiece."

♡

ZHONGLI

about [name]:

"i'm not too understanding of human emotions but, one thing i've grown to recognize is my love for [name]. if you haven't met them, i'd be more than happy to introduce them to you. oh? so, you already have. enlighten me on what you think of them."

chat: gifts

"yet again, i've never quite understood the concept of this human tradition; gifting. [name] has informed me on it and i'd like to get them a present too. what do you think, traveler? something sentimental would suffice."

chat: familial bonds (based off hc, might be a little ooc)

"throughout the millennia i've lived, death has swept past me time and time again. aside from [name], that i met a couple hundred years ago, i've gotten a little attached to xiao, which in turn caused me to keep him closer than i intended. no matter, it fills me with joy to watch xiao open up to someone beside me. [name] tends to have that effect."

chat: tea

"tea is arguably one of the only human invented drinks i can tolerate. it's far better than wine. hm, speaking of which, i often send packages of tea i've acquired to [name]. they seem to love it so, i'd be more than delighted to grace a smile on their lovely face."

chat: painting

"quite like the art of tea, painting is... calming. [name] has been painting for centuries and yet, they have not grown bored of it. i find it astonishing, the way they're easily inspired by the changes of liyue. hm, i do enjoy watching them. sometimes, they would ask me to help them, and who am i to say no to my lover?"

♡

KAEYA

about [name]:

"you're surprised i have a lover? haha, well a lot of people fall for my charm, and it's no different for [name]. though, i was also a little shocked, that somebody could have me wrapped around their finger like they do."

chat: drinking

"often times than not, [name] has dragged me home from angel's share, quite literally. yet, they haven't grown tired of me. i suppose i should stop, for their sake."

chat: intimacy

"[name] and i both work long hours, and even though we pass by each other a lot in the halls of the knights of favonius headquarters, i do miss their touch. recently, [name] has suggested late night dates. that's when we started going out to cider lake to go swimming. the water's cold but, it's nothing either of us can't handle."

chat: secrets

"you want to know my secrets? haha, if i told you then, they wouldn't be secrets anymore, would they? [name]...? well, it's best they don't know about my secrets... for their safety of course."

chat: spare time

"what i do in my free time...? well, i spend it with [name] of course! life would be dull without their presence. i'm often busy, and i drink a lot but, without them, i'd be nothing but a shell of a man. i have [name] to thank for making me a happy person."

♡

BEIDOU

about [name]:

"what do you want to know about [name]? i'm the official [name] guide! they easily make my life like a boat on calm waters. though, i'm always adventuring on the sea, and they're associated with the qixing, we always make time for each other."

chat: souvenirs

"am i that easy to read? well, anyone with the right mind would bring back gifts for their lover, especially if their lover is [name]. they've told me about how much they enjoy the portrait i ordered to be painted for us, even though it's not a souvenir."

chat: sailing

"of course, [name] has been on my boat! it took a lot of convincing and arguing with ningguang to allow her subordinate to take a couple days off... i'd love to take them sailing again one day, but, i suppose i'll have to wait a while before that opportunity comes by again."

chat: occupation

"being a pirate did not make it any less intriguing for [name] to start a relationship with me. initially, it was platonic but, during my time on the sea, i began really feeling the absence of their voice and touch. that's when i really understood my feelings."

chat: drinking

"regardless of the fact that i do hold my alcohol well, i'm afraid [name] has seen me drunk on multiple occasions. they gave me an earful the mornings after. i understand their worries over me so, i drink less now."

♡

CYNO

about [name]:

"you are not the first to be shocked that i have a lover. what? is it because i'm the general mahamatra? my career doesn't often get in the way of our rela- what? it's because of my appearance? what's wrong with it...? ah, i see. i can assure you, [name] is a person who's almost never afraid. they're mostly fascinated by things that seem thrilling, though i advise them to keep themself safe. not like they listen to me..."

chat: desert

"while [name] hadn't originated from the desert, they adapt quite well. occasionally, they have complained about the heat, not that i blame them but, they adjust rather quickly."

chat: rivalry

"hmph, that al-haitham... he doesn't get along with many people, probably because of that awful attitude of his but, unsurprisingly, he and [name] are close. i'm not afraid to lose them to him, no, but rather cautious of him. you can never trust a man like him."

chat: star watching (slightly ooc?)

"i was never a big fan of the stars but, ever since my first encounter with [name], they've always encouraged me to go star watching with them. the sky has hardly any affect on me and even though i agree to tag along, i always spend my time staring at them. they are truly mesmerizing..."

chat: concerns

"i'm confident in [name]'s ability to protect themself but, my title as general mahamatra does worry me regarding their safety. sometimes, i follow them during their adventures to make sure they're alright. what? they've noticed? i- never mind..."

♡

AL-HAITHAM

about [name]:

"apologies traveler but, i am on a time crunch at the moment. [name]? did something happen to them- ah, never mind. your expression is too relaxed for anything bad to have happened to them while i was away. you want to talk about them...? well, ask away, i suppose."

chat: academic

"yes, [name] and i both studied at the akademiya. we were rivals at one point but, somewhere along the way, they had me hooked. looking at it from a much different perspective, i see now, that it was the best thing to have ever happened to me."

chat: knowledge

"nothing halts me from my thirst for knowledge. but, if anything comes close to it, it would be [name]. hm... no, i'd say they're the only one who could. nonetheless, they would never, seeing as they always praise and encourage me."

chat: rivalry

"general mahamatra? i wouldn't be surprised if he wanted [name]. first, after a position he was second best at, and now my lover? i'd like to see that fool try."

chat: reading

"comprehending every aspect of this world and it's secrets is a passion both [name] and i share. i'd have to admit, they're more into the pleasure of sparring over knowledge but, we do often spend our time reading together."

[pandorxxx]

KINKTOBER:Day 9 Accidental Stimulation W/ Lo’ak

Warnings: Lo’ak being an asshole in the beginning, cursing, p in v, creampie.

Synopsis: Everyone around the clan stayed away from you in fear of getting hurt. You were clumsy, everything you touched was destroyed. So when you ask Neteyam for help with your iknimaya, the conversation doesn’t go as planned when lo’ak steps in.

Mdni🔞

You were what was known as “instant karma.” Everything you touched, you destroyed. You were just…really clumsy. So much so that everyone in the clan avoided you at ALL costs. It really started to hurt your feelings, not having any friends, or anyone to talk to. You really tried to be less clumsy, but nothing worked. And it made sense as to why you hadn’t completed your iknimaya, as much as you tried. It was hard for you. Especially since the last time when Jake had to catch you before plummeting to your death.

As hard as this task was, you weren’t one to give up, or quit. You were determined to pass this. And who better to help you than the future olo’eyktan? So when you saw him, his younger brother and his other friends conversing, you thought it would be the perfect opportunity to talk to him. Walking up to them, you could already sense a shift in their demeanors. All looking more frightened at your presence. But you were determined to walk out of this conversation without any casualties.

“Hey boys.” You spoke. Your voice sweet like honey and smooth like molasses. You were hot, no doubt about that. You had full hips, nice sized breasts, a small waist, and beauty to die for. However, you were just….so fucking dangerous, LITERALLY. They collectively took a step back from you before sighing a weak “hey” in response. You took a moment to smile before turning your attention to Neteyam.

“Teyam, can I talk to you for a moment?” You asked, fiddling with your fingers. His eyes widened, giving you a shady smile. “Uhh.” He started before grabbing lo’ak, placing his younger brother infront of him to act as a Shield. “Sure. Go ahead!” He spoke with alittle more enthusiasm this time. All of his friends began to chuckle amongst eachother, but lo’ak wasn’t having it.

“Bro, no way! I’m not getting kicked in the nuts again.” Lo’ak protested, shifting to neteyam’s side. A fair trade, If anything happened, they’d BOTH get it. You rolled your eyes, before shifting your body weight to one side. “I apologized for that already.” You pointed at lo’ak, hissing at him. “Yeah? It’s happened 7 times, clumsy bitch.” He rebuttaled, hissing back at you. His friends laughing in the background. Neteyam was guilty too, a small smirk appearing on his lips that he tried to wipe away.

You were usually one to stand up for yourself, everyone knew that. So it took lo’ak by surprise when your bottom lip started to quiver and tears began to well in your eyes. Your ears were flat to your skull, and your tail was now at a standstill. Your soul had been crushed. Not because he called you a bitch, but just EVERYTHING all at once. It hurt your feelings to know that everyone was against you.

Lo’aks demeanor softened greatly, watching a single tear trickle down your cheek. Maybe he took it too far this time. But before he could fix his mouth to apologize, you were turning away to walk off. “Oh, y/n! come on, he didn’t mean it! He’s a fucking idiot, you know that!” Neteyam shouted at your disappearing frame. “Y/n, im sorry! Come back, please!” Lo’ak shouted, watching you walk away. Both brothers sighed. “Go fucking apologize!” Neteyam muttered through gritted teeth as he slapped his brother on the back of the head. “Ouch! Fuck you! You laughed!” Lo’ak clapped back, pushing Neteyam in the chest.

“I did NOT dumbass! Go make sure she’s ok!” Neteyam hissed, pushing lo’ak in your direction. He stumbled a bit before gaining his composer. A loud groan rumbled in his chest as he began to follow behind you. You finally made it to your hut, a good cry on the way there. Boys were so stupid. And MEAN! but you wouldn’t let what lo’ak said ruin your entire day. After all, you weren’t done with your daily chores. You still had to take mo’at the paint that you made for your friends “rite of passage” ceremony. You were so happy for your friends, yet you still felt left out.

You grabbed the bowl full of paint, and began walking towards the exit of your hut. Unfortunately, lo’ak was walking in as you were walking out, and well….you know the rest.

His stomach, loincloth, and legs were PAINTED with the thick mixture. Lo’ak wasn’t a patient man, but it seemed as if he was trying his best to hold it together. His jaw was clenched, eyes shut, and deep heavy breaths escaped his flared nostrils. “I-I am so sorry lo’ak! I didn’t see you!” You rambled, shaky hand covering your agaped mouth.

“It’s fine, it’s fine. Just— do you have a towel I can borrow, y/n?” He spoke, in a surprisingly calm tone. You nodded frantically, running to get him a towel. When you were running back to him, you slipped on the paint, colliding with him. You both fell hard, a loud thud shaking the entire hut. Lo’ak let out a loud grunt at the impact, you falling directly ontop of him, nearly knocking the wind out of his lungs.

“Lo’ak I-“ you began, before he cut you off. “Bro, j-just get off of me!” He commanded, shuffling to get you off of him. “I-Im sorry, J-Just give me a- ugh!- give me a second!” You struggled, trying to sit up on him. You both were struggling, the paint making everything slippery and sticky. It was a mess, and it was all your fault.

You were finally able to use his chest to sit up on him, both of your sticky thighs caging his hips in. You were trying to lift off of him completely, but he just wouldn’t stop moving under you. Trying so desperately to thrust you off of him.

“Can you s-stop? I’m getting up!” You whined, trying to use his chest to stand up again, but it was no use. Your hands were sticking to his skin, and the ground below was too slippery to stand properly with his stupid tantrum underneath you. “Get up NOW.” He growled, thrusting up one good time. So hard that you could feel his bulge rub against your clothed cunt. You didn’t mean to, but a broken whimper escaped your lips at the sensation. His ears flicked at the sweet sound, his tail tapping the ground beneath him. He haulted his movements, studying your flushed face for a moment.

“I-Im sorry if I hurt you.” He stuttered, a soft expression painting his face. His strong hands found your waist, trying to lift you off of him gently. But you weren’t having it, gracefully slamming your hips back down on him. “Shittt.” Lo’ak grunted, watching you intently. “Grab my hips. Please.” You spoke breathily, expertly untying your top. He obliged quickly, grabbing your hips as he watched you throw your top to the side. Your plump breasts bounced with every subtle move, and he couldn’t keep his eyes off of them.

You began to grind on him, nice and slowly. Rocking your hips back and forth to feel that addictive friction again. Your sweet mewls began to arouse lo’ak even more than he already was. Using this as an opportunity to rock you all by himself, speeding up the pace.“Ohhh My God.” You whined, arousal escaping your loincloth. You threw your head back, following his rhythm.

“Imagine how good I’d feel inside. Just say the word.” He spoke, his melodic tone finding its way to your core, a gush of slick squirting out at his words. You nodded lazily, giving him the “ok” to continue further. Your fingers found your loincloth, playing with the strings until it was loose. You pulled it from under you lazily, throwing it to the side. Lo’ak doing the same. His cock slapped his stomach, a thick line of precum oozing out of the tip.

The paint on your bodies and the floor was drying quickly, which made it easy for you to shift to your feet, squatting over his erect penis. He grabbed the base, while you began to slide down on him. Both of you moaning simultaneously as he bottomed out with a firm thrust upwards. You began to fuck him, hard. Like it was your damn job. His hands found the plush of your ass, smacking it a few times before thrusting up into you rhythmically.

“That feels so good, y/n. Ride this dick.” He groaned, biting his bottom lip as he watched your dripping cunt meet his pelvis with every thrust. The squelching sounds, skin clapping, and broking whimpers only stimulating him further. “Lo’aaak!” You cried, voice rippling from the forceful thrusts. Your head went limp, as your moans became louder. Your hands planted on his chest for stability.

“I know, baby. I know. Fucking this pretty pussy just right, hmm?” He asked in between heavy breaths, watching your face twist and turn in pleasure. “M-Mhmm!” You nodded, bouncing on him hard enough for your ass to ripple at the impact.

“F-Fuuuck. I’m sorry for- uhh a-ahh!- for calling you a bitch. I’m sooo sorry.” He moaned, throwing his head back against the ground, still bouncing you on his cock. You squealed, nodding as a way of saying I forgive you. “It’s ok! I-It’s ok! I-I’m sorry for hurting you all the time, lo’ak!” You whimpered, shifting to your knees, using the new position to work his cock in the best ways possible.

“Ohhh Yes. Yess baby, just like that. You’re making up for it right now.” He moaned, smacking your ass, gripping it tightly. “I-Im gonna cum, gonna cum lo’ak!” You whined, eyes rolling to the back of your head. Your body began to shake, squirts of your slick presenting itself with every earth shattering stroke.

“Ohhh God, yes. C-Cum on this dick, y/n. Please, baby. Please give it to me.” He whimpered, feeling your walls vibrate around his shaft. He watched your pussy squirt, quickly rubbing circles Into your clit to stimulate your trembling body further. You screamed his name, before collapsing into him. Your sweaty, trembling body snuggling into his warm chest.

“Mhm, I’m almost done, baby. Fuuuuuck.” He groaned, both of his hands shifting to your ass once again, gripping the plush skin to bounce you on his sensitive cock.

“I’m gonna cum, y/n. I-I know I don’t deserve this pussy. Not the way I’ve been treating you. B-But I need it, please.” He confessed in your ear before pecking it teasingly.

“Y-you can have whatever you want from me.” You hiccuped, wrapping your arms around his neck as he pounded into you. He let out a loud moan at your words, eyes crossing in pleasure as his mouth fell agape. And before he knew it, small squirts of cum turned into ropes and ropes of it filling your empty womb.

“Yeahhh, juuuust like that. Thank you, baby. Thank you s-sooo much.” He moaned, snapping his hips up into you periodically to empty himself inside of you. “Mhm.” You hummed, fluttering in and out of consciousness on his chest. “Finally, you made me feel GOOD.” He joked, rubbing your back lovingly as you cooed in his embrace.

Taglist: @number1gal @loak-bae @tiredmamaissy @neytirishottie @lethargicluv @reyzzsostellar @m0nst3rfk3r @agelsully @jakescumdump @wekiamo @cleardonutangelwagon @tsireqas @satanlovedays @afro-hispwriter @urfavgirlmakenna @fanboyluvr @iameatingmyhair @secretflowerobservation @violet-19999 @xreadersstuff @sweetllamaparadise @lia-nath @dotheyevenknowmars @xdbluesky @domino-x3-blog @ladylovegood-69 @itssomeonereading @sweetirilly @j-jinxee @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @cumikering @pxndorasdream @itsaleidasworld @atxxokirina @yeletta @eywascall @valeriearriana37484 @avatarsslut @bee782916 @atxxokirina @sweethoneycn

[ponderingmoonlight]

Megumi's little sister falling head over heels for Yuji (and maybe Sukuna?)

Pairing: Megumi's sister x Yuji; Megumi's sister x Sukuna; Megumi's siter x Mugumi sibling dynamic (Megumi being a cool big bro)

Word Count: 2,7k

Synopsis: After being set on a mission with your crush Yuji, your big brother and Nobara, things don't go as planned as all and force Yuji to sacrifice himself before you have the chance to tell him how you feel. Until Sukuna appears...

Warnings: drama over drama, hurt over hurt, but also a lot of fluff

Notes: I hate to brag about my own work, but this is honestly one of my favorite fics out of my own feather so PLEASE interact in some kind of way with it - will be forever grateful <3

Tags: @sunshine7queen @selen1um-hexafluoride @sanicsmut (tagging you bc I bet you'll like that)

Your breath gets stuck in your throat, just one look at the boy next to your brother is enough to make your heart skip a beat. Yuji Itadori is a walking green flag, the best boyfriend material you stumbled upon in your life. Just seeing his bright smile is enough for you to feel like flying, his inviting brown eyes sweeping you off your feet on a regular basis.

“Oh look, there’s (y/n)”, Yuji speaks out in excitement.

Despite the fact that you are Megumi’s younger sister, you are the complete opposite to him. Kind, open-minded and oh so sweet. When Yuji joined jujutsu high, you were the first who greeted him with open arms, showed him around, trained with him, gave him every little advice you’ve had. It truly is unavoidable to fall head over heels for you in that white uniform with that smile as bright as the sun.

“Hey Yuji, hey grumpy-cat”, you greet both boys, earning a huff from your big brother.

“What are you doing here, (y/n)? Aren’t you supposed to be on a mission right now?”, Megumi questions.

“Oh, Toge and Panda took over for me as the curse seems to be a grade 1. Also, Gojo-sensei needs me here for the training sessions”, you clarify.

Right, the training sessions. It doesn’t sit right with Megumi that you are partly responsible for them. You are a skilled jujutsu sorcerer, especially your tajutsu abilities are truly outstanding and it’s no surprise that you are the best combat fighter along with Maki. That’s why you grew especially close with Yuji…

Megumi hates the way his friend looks at you with hearts glistening in his eyes and heart hammering so loud that even he is able to hear it. It is no secret to anyone anymore that Yuji Itadori is hopelessly in love with you. How could he not? You are breathtaking beautiful and the kindest person walking on this earth with an angelic voice that could end wars. Only fools wouldn’t fall for you.

But the thing is that you seem to like him too. You, his little precious sister, the one thing he loves more than anything else in this world. The thought of you and Yuji being together alone makes his guts turn.

“Aren’t you too weak for that? You’re still a first year”, Megumi comments dryly.

“Huh? (y/n) is just as strong as you and me, maybe even better. I’m sure she will be great!”, Yuji instinctively replies.

You can’t help but admire him, that beautiful boy with the purest soul. Not even the fact that he inherits parts of the most dangerous curse on this whole planet can keep you from stumbling, crashing and falling for him.

“Yuji, I was wondering if you…If you’d like to meet up with me after today’s training”, you begin, nervously fumbling with your hair.

“No. Way. In. Hell”, Megumi hisses through gritted teeth.

Before Yuji is able to comprehend what is happening or even to answer your precious question, Megumi drags him along with him, away from your striking sight, back at Jujutsu High.

“See you, (y/n)!”, he shouts over his shoulder while waving you goodbye.

“Yeah…”, you mutter, hand dropping in disappointment.

When will you ever be able to get to know him better without your big brother interrupting every sweet moment you have?

“That girl…”

Sukuna leans forward, hand stroking his chin thoughtfully.

You are a pain in the ass, always on this brat’s mind. But you are very easy on his eyes, truly a beauty with decent abilities.

He laughs to himself, eyeing you up and down as your figure disappears.

“This will be fun…”

-the next day-

 It sounded so simple and enticing at first. Don’t fight, exclusively rescue survivors, if you encounter a special grade: run. Pairing up with Megumi, Nobara and Yuji. A difficult but manageable task.

Until you got caught in a sphere.

Until Nobara disappeared.

Until Megumi’s divine dog got killed and a special grade curse appeared in front of your very own eyes.

“We can’t leave without her!”, you yell, eyes roaming around in a desperate attempt to find Nobara.

“Not now, (y/n). We’ll find her later, right now we have to-“

This presence. The sheer presence of this creature takes your breath away without even seeing it. There is no doubt that this is…

A special grade.

None of you move, just staring blankly at this thing with its wide open eyes and alien-like appearance next to you. No. You can’t just stand there, move, try to attack it, try to fight.

Suddenly Yuji lunges himself at it, trying to slice into that frightful creature. In the blink of an eye, his hand falls to the ground along with the cursed weapon Maki lent him.

“I-ita…Itadori?”, Megumi stutters next to you.

Time stands still. You can only stand there and watch in horror as he turns around, blood squirting out of his arm.

“Yuji!”, you scream on top of your lungs.

No. No. No.

This can’t be happening. This isn’t reality, right? Maybe it’s Sukuna who tries to play tricks on you. You aren’t even able to hear what Megumi and Yuji talk about, ears ringing so violently that you feel like fainting, sweat dripping from every pore.

Is this how you’ll die? In your first year, together with the boy you never admitted your feelings to and your brother? This can’t be how it ends, you still had so much planned…

“Hey Sukuna, if I die here you die too, right? So you have to help me out.”

“Not true. Even if the part of me that’s inside you dies, there are 18 other fragments of my soul still out there. Still irritatingly enough, I don’t have control of this body. If you want to switch, go ahead and switch. But once you do, I’ll kill that brat before the cursed spirit can! Then I’ll go for that woman. She’s a lively one, I’ll have fun with her. Last but not least, there’s your little friend over there, or should I say girlfriend? What a pleasure it will be to see the light in her fade while she’s staring at the eyes of the boy she loves!”

The thought of him killing his friends with his own hands is frightening enough but killing you…Yuji stares at you in disbelief, the way your glossy eyes are widen in nothing but fear.

“I’m not going to let you do that”, he hisses automatically.

“I bet. But if you’re too focused on me, your friends are gonna die.”

“(y/n), watch out!”

Megumi grabs your collar just in time and pulls you to the side before you get hit full force by the curse. You hold onto his uniform for dear life, feeling like you’ll throw up any minute. This is all too much, way more than you can handle. You don’t want to die yet, especially not here, especially without telling Yuji how you feel. Megumi…You can’t both die here.

“Fushiguro!”

You’re still so young, so full of life…

“Fushiguro!”

Out of instinct, your eyes dart towards Yuji. Control your breathing, gain regulator over your ringing ears.

“Take (y/n) and Kugisaki and get out of here. I’ll keep this one busy until you three are out. As soon as you’re out, give me some kind of signal. Once you do…I’ll switch with Sukuna.”

“You know you can’t do that! Not with one arm against a special grade!”, Megumi yells at him while holding onto you tightly.

“Yuji…”, you breathe out, tears now running down your cheeks like waterfalls.

Please, this can’t be happening right now. What Yuji suggests…

Is his certain death.

“Look closer, it’s having fun. It’s obviously toying with us. I can at least buy us some time.”

“No!”, you cry out while tearing you away from your brother’s tight grip to grasp Yuji’s sleeve.

“I can’t just leave you here like that!”

“Please, (y/n), you need to-“

“I love you!”, you blurt out.

“I love you!, Please don’t leave me like that, I love you…”

“I love you too, (y/n), but you have to go now. Fushiguro.”

Your brother’s eyes dart towards you. Despite he has to fight back tears himself, despite the fact that he hates seeing you like that he knows exactly that Yuji is right.

With a swift motion, he frees your hand from Yuji’s sleeve and throws you over his shoulder, carrying you away from this special curse.

Away from Yuji.

“Come on, (y/n). We’re getting through this”, he interject between your toe-curling screams.

All you can feel is numbing grief. You can’t even hear your own cries anymore, vision getting blurry over Megumi’s shoulder. None of this should have happened. This was supposed to be a rescue mission, all of you should have been running the second that curse appeared. But now Yuji is in there alone with a missing hand, risking his own life to save yours.

“Divine dogs, find Kugusaki”, Megumi’s voice shouts from far away, the tiles underneath you moving in rapid motion.

Until slowly but surely, everything around you seems to get dark.

“(y/n), you need to stay with me. (y/n)!”

-later-

Rain wets your face and takes your sight as you open your eyes. Where are you? What happened? You lift yourself up from your sitting position, eyes darting towards Nobara and Ijichi-san who is about to stitch her head up.

Where is Megumi? And what about Yuji? A lump forms in your throat when memories of your last encounter begin to flood your mind. If he’s dead…

You clench your hands into fist, watery eyes darting in front of you. No, don’t think like that. There has to be a reason for Megumi being missing. He must be on his way to look after Yuji. And you’ll definitely to the same.

Your rapid steps make the water to your feet spray in every direction, sharp and heavy breaths hanging in the air. You just have to concentrate on Yuji’s signature cursed energy. After spending so much time together, it’s no problem to detect him anymore. And then you’ll hug him like there’s no tomorrow. Yes, he probably switched with Sukuna and returned as soon as the cursed spirit was gone.

Something makes you stop in your tracks. Foreshadowing, fear, hope? You can’t tell. But the atmosphere around you changed completely. Is he…?

“Yuji?”, you murmur into the heavy rain of the evening.

“Sorry, he’s not coming back.”

You can’t catch your breath, eyes wide open as the body of Yuji pins you against a nearby tree. These tattoos, that smirk.

This is Sukuna.

You fight against his claws as hard as you can only for him to chuckle over your efforts. No, his hand doesn’t move an inch away from your arm, holding you in place effortlessly.

“No need to be frightened, (y/n). Let’s talk a little, shall we?”

“Bring him back”, you hiss through gritted teeth.

“Who knows why, but he can’t come back. So I’ll keep you entertained”, he replies.

Sukuna wraps his hand around your neck, squeezing ever so slightly. Oh, you really are lovely with your wet hair and skin, let alone the way you glare up at him while heavy breathing. Somehow he gets it, how this brat fell head over heels for you.

“I don’t wanna be entertained!”, you yell into his face.

With full force you rip yourself out of his firm grip and attack him. Fists fly through the air, sending him into a nearby tree.

“I’m surprised, when you beat that brat over and over I thought it was because he is weak when in fact, you are pretty strong!”, Sukuna shouts while running towards you with neck breaking speed.

You were never confronted with Sukuna. Since you know Yuji, he was always able to suppress his presence. But right now… Your blood freezes in your veins, the way his usual to tender brown eyes are lit by raging red makes shivers run down your spine.  

“Come on (y/n), give me all you’ve got!”

You fight as hard as you can, hitting him with full force over and over. Until it seems like he has enough.

He pushes you into the dirt violently, rain pouring down as all you can do is stare up into his amused face while he sits on top of you.

“Not bad, girl. Not bad”, he hums amused.

His hand sure feels good wrapped around your neck. Yes, slowly but surely Sukuna definitely understands what that brat sees in you. A ray of sunshine while being feisty, looking feminine while being so strong. Impressive, truly impressive. And how the rain pours down at your stunning face.

“Bring. Him. Back.”, you spit at him, very own eyes glistening in thick hatred.

“Come on, don’t look at me like that. After all I am technically him. Just a much better version.”

“You will never be him”, you bite back.

His weight on top of you along with his hand wrapped around your neck makes it hard to catch your breath, let alone think straight. Yuji’s uniform is now completely soaking wet, revealing his tight muscles underneath. Of course you always knew how well trained he is. After all, you touched him many times before. But this, him sitting on top of you, his hand wrapped around your neck…

You shake your head. But this isn’t Yuji Itadori. This is Sukuna, the king of curses.

“What’s on your mind? I bet you secretly like that.”

You glare up at him and his stupid grin. What are you supposed to do? Whatever is going on, it doesn’t seem as if Yuji will come back any time soon. Is Megumi around? You can detect him either.

So you have to deal with this on your own.

Fine.

One last deep breath. One last spark of focus to defeat him.

As fast as you can you lift and wrap your legs around his neck, pushing your hips through and holding his hands around your neck in place. With full force you pinch your knees, drive your hips forward and free yourself out of his grip. You can tell that he didn’t expect this, that he won’t fight back. Your fists darts towards his face, only inches away until-

“(y/n).”

Just inches before you hit his nose with full force, you stop in your tracks. No, this didn’t sound like Sukuna. Could it really be…?

“Are you okay?”

“Yuji”, you breathe out.

You tear up, a silent scream of relief escapes your lips as you lunge yourself towards him, landing on top of his chest as you hug him tightly.

“I thought I lost you…”

“Sorry that you were worried. Did Sukuna hurt you? Are you okay?”

His tender brown eyes wander along your slightly bruised body while a wave of respite washes over you. You thought he is dead. Or even worse, that Sukuna will occupy him forever. But he’s back, the boy you love more than anything else.

“I’m fine. How are you?”

Your nails dig into his biceps while you look up at him through wet lashes, rain still pouring down at both of you without mercy.

“I’m okay. Especially since you’re fine.”

Your heart flutters, emotions threaten to overflow.

Screw it. Screw all of it.

“I love you”, you breathe out.

And then your lips meet his. Crushing down at him without mercy, through the heavy rain falls. You let yourself sink into his arms, fireworks are set off inside your stomach. God, Yuji could have died today, the second he faced that cursed spirit alone you were almost certain that you’ll never see him again. But now…Now you’re lying in his arms, kissing him with so much passion that you feel like drowning and suffocating.

“I love you too, (y/n)”, he mumbles against your lips, smiling sweetly.

“God, how much I love you.”

[beausling]

pov: you’re jensen ackles’ controversially young gf (alt!musican!reader) part iii

read part i here, read part ii here

youruser 12m

jensenackles

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jensenackles Fun morning in NYC. Thanks @/goodmorningamerica and @/livekellyandryan for the chat. Sorry for the explicit spoilers 🤭!!!

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theboystv Hope the coffee was iced

gibson_g1rl i think i know what’s going on hereee🤭

pearlzier i think we’re thinkin the same thing🤭🤭

youruser you did so good superstar🌟🤎

jensenackles Thank you, honey. I’ll see you soon☺️🤎

caswh0re @/jensenackles @/youruser music stuff??👀

gibson_g1rl @/caswh0re don’t be delusional

caswh0re @/gibson_g1rl 😭😭😭😭😭

vamps4y/n @/caswh0re @/gibson_g1rl nonono she’s right, they’re probably abt to fuck nasty

pearlzier @/vamps4y/n BYEE☠️

j2texas OMGG why tf is #She here😭

gibson_g1rl girl why don’t you #kys

youruser

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youruser *taps mic* is this thing on? resurrection coming out october 13th🐈‍⬛🧙‍♀️🦇🧛‍♀️

(note: absolutely no graves were defiled, and not a single dead soul was woken, in the making of this project !!! and big shoutout to st. louis cemetery no.1 for existing and being so cool n morbidly beautiful🤞)

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jensenackles So fucking proud of you, sweetheart. I feel incredibly honored to have been apart of this beautiful project, and I really hope that the world loves it just as much as I do.🖤🖤🖤

youruser hey bro wtf !!!!! you’re abt to get a very tearful phone call here in a minute😭😭 thank you so much for everything, i love you🖤🖤🦇

vamps4y/n AWWW JENSEN THATS SO SWEET !!! OKAY NOW SAY “vamp life til i die”

hrtsy/n @/vamps4y/n NOT THE TIME GIRL😭😭

gibson_g1rl @/youruser YOU GUYS ARE SO DISGUSTINGLY CUTE !!!! ITS NAUSEATING !!!!!

jasvtsc ANYONE ELSE CRYING AND THROWING UP AND BANGING THEIR HEAD ON THE WALL RN😭😭😭

suicideleopard i see that mausoleum we used to always make out behind

youruser you tryna run it back??

suicideleopard @/youruser Pause…

youruser @/suicideleopard nah nah nah it’s good dw i got socks on😼

gibson_g1rl @/youruser @/suicideleopard ?????😭😭😭

vamps4y/n @/youruser @/suicideleopard you guys are fucking insane, just make out already

youruser @/vamps4y/n i Really wish i could thumbs down instagram comments…..

suicideleopard liked your comment

jensenackles liked your comment

vamps4y/n @/youruser 😭😭 you literally started this

youruser @/vamps4y/n blaming everyone but yourself…

hrtsy/n OMGOGKFMFO NEEWWWWWW ALBUMMMMMM ON THE FUCKING WAYYYY OMGGGG😭😭😭😭😭😭

gibson_g1rl WE USED TO PRAY FOR DAYS LIKE THESE🙏🙏

y/ngirlies MOTHER IS FINALLY FEEDING US AGAIN

archiveofvirtue THE DROUGHT IS FINALLY OVER😭😭🙏

pearlzier WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK YOU GUYS!!!!!

jasvtsc THE SUN HAS FINALLY COME THE RAIN IS GONE🙌

youruser

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youruser when you gon’ fly me in private so i can land on that dick🧎‍♀️ #oldpics

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gibson_g1rl i beg your finest fucking pardon⁉️

pearlzier THE SECOND PIC?????

jensenackles Hey, nice coat!☺️

youruser OH THNX😸 yeah i actually stole it from this random white boy, he was super chill abt it tho

jensenackles liked your comment

archiveofvirtue @/youruser you two aren’t fooling anybody anymore, just hard launch already so we can be crazy in peace

y/ngirlies @/archiveofvirtue @/youruser RETWEET !!!

jackleswife that should be me

vamps4y/n we should take you out back and shoot you like a deer with chronic wasting disease

deanluvr i’m obsessed with seeing you guys in this era, i don’t ever want it to end🙏

jasvtsc this might be their best era yet

deansluvr @/jasvtsc it is fr

hrtsy/n mama y papa liked🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

caswh0re @/hrtsy/n iktr they’re just like us

youruser

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youruser CHICAGO I HAVE SO MUCH TO THANK YOU FOR

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yourbffsuser baby came back home for awhile guys😸😸

youruser you can take the girl out of the midwest, but you can’t take the midwest out of the girl fr🙁

hrtsy/n the sixth pic is so real, like i felt that🤞

youruser we revisited the trap that day☠️☠️

hrtsyn @/youruser OH?????

youruser @/hrtsy/n ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

gibson_g1rl your silly ass was getting more train flattened pennies huh😭

youruser you know it babe🤭🤭

jasvtsc i love it when y/n in chicago🫶

pearlzier ykyk we always get some of the best music when she goes back🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

jasvtsc @/pearlzier EXACTLYYYYY

archiveofvirtue WELCOME BACK JUNE ADVENTURES !!!!!

youruser I FINALLY GOT TO FLICK THE BEAN AGAIN!!!!!

y/ngirlies @/youruser excuse me???💀

youruser @/y/ngirlies the giant stainless steel bean in millennium park☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

y/ngirlies @/youruser OHHHHH!!😭😭😭

vamps4y/n @/y/ngirlies @/youruser tf did you think she meant😭

jensenackles Hope you had fun sweetheart!!😊

youruser i did lovey, thank you🫂🤎

pearlzier @/youruser SWEETHEART AND LOVEY?????????😭😭😭😭😭😭

jasvtsc @/youruser LOVEY??? THATS SO FUCKING CUTE OMG????😭😭😭

gibson_g1rl @/youruser YOU GUYS ARE SO ADORABLE IM THROWING UP!!!!!!

deanluvr @/youruser PLS JUST GO CANON ALREADY OMFGG😭😭

caswh0re @/deanluvr @/youruser “go canon” 😭

youruser 3m

꩜ thank you so much !!! i hope you guys enjoyed reading this😸 all feedback, likes, and reblogs are greatly appreciated 💟

꩜ SOOO much happening here, this part didn’t go the way i originally planned but i still like it🙏🏼

꩜ tags : @gibson-g1rl @pearlzier @jasvtsc @archiveofvirtue 🎀 lmk if you wanna be tagged and/or featured in the next part !!!!!

[rustic-space-fiddle]

Things I love about EPIC: The Musical

Greek mythology hehehehehhehe (my weakness)

Little Ajax

The slightly different styles in each segment but the overarching cohesiveness

The crew singing choral vocals for Odysseus

POLITES *screaming crying throwing up*

The crew introducing Eurylochus but Odysseus introducing Polites

Odysseus’s ‘Ha ha HA Haaaaa!” What a smug lil $h!*

His whole description of Athena ~ fanboy energy

“Bestest of friends(?)!” “Okay chill kid” ”okay :D”

Polites definitely almost knocking himself out with lotus before Odysseus definitely takes it away like “oh honey no”

POLITES *STILL CRYING AND THROWING UP*

The RUMBBBBLING BOOOOOMS when Polyphemus enters—WOOO YOU CAN FEEL THE FEAR IN HIS FOOTSTEPS (also: heartbeats!)

I’m not a musically intelligent person so forgive me but the way the “take from you like you took from me / gift from you and a gift from me” sounds just makes my brain so happy

If music is math then that is definitely some solid well done math

“Nooooooobody, noooooooooobody, noo~ooOOOOOOOOOOOOH~bodyyyyyy”

“WATCH OUUUUUT!” *AGGRESSIVE CHORUS*

“My brothers-!” yall I’m gonna freakin cry

The visceral death sounds when the club comes out

Polyphemus’s voice slowing like a giant robot powering down to show him falling asleep

The sound slowly fading in as Odysseus takes in the death around him (I imagine he’s looking at the remains of Polites)

The sound Athena makes whenever she appears or disappears (NOTICE SHE DOESNT MAKE THAT SOUND WHEN SHE LEAVES FOR THE LAST TIME! just empty wind…)

“HEY CYCLOPS!”

“The next time that you dare choose not to spare, remember them.” UGH BEAUTIFUL

The growl in “REMEMBER ME.”

Ship sounds!

The entirety of “My Goodbye”. It’s just such a good argument song and I love it so much.

Odysseus’s angry “HEY.” when Athena basically blames the death of his friends on his kindness.

The fact that Odysseus isn’t afraid to absolutely WRECK Athena verbally? She has definitely killed and turned people into spiders for less

You can tell he felt a little bad about it and that she actually was kinda hurt by it too (silence is a heckuva tool)

“Aim for the island in the sky” oh yeah I’m listening to a Greek myth wHEEEZE

Eurylochus slowly getting on Odysseus’s nerves till he literally has to pull him aside and tell him to stfu

No but actually Eurylochus is not being a real one rn he is not being helpful

The wind god ( *0v0*)

“Why are my eyes and my heart and my soul so heavy?” WOW OKAY DANG

Poseidon’s entrance — DANG SON THE POWER OF THE SEA IS PALPABLE

“Ruthlessness is mercy—DIE.”

The crew calling for their captain as they’re taken by the sea

THE AUDACITY OF POSEIDON TO REMIND ODYSSEUS OF HIS OWN WORD—“when does a ripple become a tidal wave/ when does a man become a monster”—DURING THIS CRISIS. WHAT A PETTY JERK (do it again)

Eurylochus try to confess and Odysseus refusing to let him. There three reasons I think this is: 1) he doesn’t know why he wants to confess but he literally does not have time for his #2 to be having a moment rn. 2) he knows what Eurylochus did and is choosing to keep him quiet because he needs the crew not to dwell on this/he’s trying not to punch him in the face. 3) he knows what he did and he’s saying “stfu” as a way of forgiveness. All of these are great options imo

“We couldn’t resist!” “What was it?” “A woman!” “…w h a t. -_-“ my man is fed up rn

“We have to save them!” “NO WE DON’T” EURYLOCHUS WTF IS WRONG W YOU BRO

Hermes’s insane laugh !!!! LOVE

Hermes’s entire song

Rhyming “Be hurt” with “beat her” BRAIN SO HAPPY

Someofthamagic~ BRAIN SO HAPPY AGH

The fight between Odysseus and Circe~ so evenly matched! Wits, power, but she beat him! She beat him even though he didn’t cave.

“I dug the root up w my bare hands!” “Hermes gave it to you didn’t he” “…okay fine yes but rGARDLESS—“

The fact that Odysseus calls Penelope his power

Circe’s empathetic sigh because she’s not a monster, she’s a protector, and her heart has been touched by Odysseus’s earnestness and love for his wife and for his brothers

HER OUTRO WAHHHHHHH

[mattsturnioloscasket]

“𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐘” (𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐎 𝐒𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄)

tw: mentions of not eating, crying rly hard, cursing

THIS IS SO CHEESY😜😜😜😜😜

——————————-–————————————

“what do you want?” asks matt, turning around and looking at his little sister. currently y/n, matt, chris, and nick were filming a car video for friday.

“i’m okay, i don’t want anything.”

“stop playing, what do you want?” asks chris also turning around to look at her

“i’m fine guys seriously, i had some of yesterdays pasta before this” y/n insists

chris rolls his eyes. “whatever, just get her some nugs incase she gets hungry.”

“i wont get hungry!”

“okay then i wont get you anything!” matt looks at her with a death glare.

“good!”

“good.”

——————————————————————

“who wants a donut?” asks nick, pulling out a box of donuts from the trunk. chris and matt burst into laughter as y/n laughs along. chris and matt grab a donut, so nick points the box at y/n, offering her one.

y/n shakes her head. “i’m good.” nick groans, shoving the box in her face.

“take one!” matt and chris giggle. y/n shakes her head.

“seriously, i’m okay.” nick rolls his eyes, grabbing a donut and taking a bite out of it. a pink frosted donut, her favorite.

y/n clears her throat. “hey so i had a question.” chris and matt turn to look at her, chocolate on their mouths.

y/n giggles slightly. “just a random question, what would happen if somebody just stopped eating?” nick freezes, mid-bite into his donut.

it was silent for a few seconds, dead silent. “bro why are you asking such fucked up shit?” chris turns back around to continue eating his donut.

matt licks the chocolate off his lips and nods in agreement, “yeah, nick cut this out of the vlog.” nick nods, looking at y/n with a soft smile.

she smiles back, looking out the window, tears in her eyes. y/n’s boyfriend, ben, broke up with her last weekend, apparently she had gained weight and he was losing interest. she still hasn’t told a soul. she couldn’t tell her brothers about it, especially matt. he was the one who told her that she shouldn’t be dating at 16, but, she didn’t listen. and he’d probably beat the shit out of ben.

———————————————————————

y/n sits on her bed, scrolling through instagram stories, accidentally she scrolls past ben, and there he was. he was kissing katie, y/n best friend. she could feel herself tear up at this. she knew they had something, it was hard not to tell, but he’d always tell her she’s being insecure.

y/n let the tears fall, smalls sobs escaping her lips. nick walks in the room, the box of donuts in his hands again.

“hey so i saved you the-“ he notices her state, freezing. nick puts the donuts down.

“matt, chris! get in here.” he walks to y/n sitting next to her. y/n looks at nick, wiping her tears as nick looks at her with concerned eyes.

“what?” “y/n?” matt and chris say at the same time, rushing to her side. y/n pulls her hands to her face, crying into her hands.

a couple seconds pass, nick hesitantly reaches forward, removing y/n’s hands from her face.

“hey, what’s wrong.” nick dosent put y/n’s hands down, instead holding them.

y/n shakes her head, breathing in as tears flow down her face.

“i-im not, pretty anymore..” y/n sobs, the triplets could feel their hearts break.

“what? you’re so pretty.” insists nick. y/n shakes her head, sobbing.

“i’m not ben’s girlfriend type of pretty.” matt bites his lip, trying not to lash out. he warned her, he knew this would happen. he couldn’t help but feel bad though.

“you’re not dating ben anymore?” chris speaks up.

“you’re beautiful.” nick holds her hands tighter.

“it’s not just ben, i’m not smart enough to do good in school.” y/n begins to list.

“you’re so smart.” matt insists.

“i cant play sports, i can’t have friends without them using me to get closer to you guys.” y/n sobs harder. nick releases one of his hands from hers, reaching up and wiping her tears.

“i get made fun of, no one ever wants to hang out with me.” she shakily breathes.

“i’m not good enough.. for anything.” y/n cries, releasing her hands from nicks and crying into them.

“you’re so beautiful.” says chris. nick and matt’s head’s shoot towards him

“and so smart. it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough.” chris bites his lip. matt nods in agreement at chris’s words, reaching over chris and removing her hands from her face.

“i wont just sit here and watch you tie yourself into knots just so people can like you.” matt holds her hands tightly, looking her in the eyes.

“you shouldn’t have to change for anyone. because we love who you are.” chris says.

y/n sniffles, looking down at her phone, ben’s story still pulled up. nick looks at her phone, rolling his eyes.

“she’s nobody. block them out like they don’t exist.” nick speaks up. chris and matt nod in agreement. chris picks up y/n phone, unfollowing ben and unliking his story.

“you okay now?” matt hadn’t let go of her hands, looking into her eyes deeply. y/n nods, sniffling.

“good, stay off your phone tonight okay? how about we go watch decendants 3?” nick smiles. y/n giggles, nodding. matt helps y/n up, as the four siblings walk downstairs.

“hey did you ever end up getting me mcdonald’s?”

“in the microwave.”

———————————————————————

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Catching up! So today we’re mostly having replies related to all the stuff we posted recently.

Starting with the most important question.

Anonymous asked:

Wait, Idia got called a brocon? When?

He did! Grim called him a brocon in 5-13 right after we saw Ortho for the first time :3 (timestamp on 5:42 just in case)

Anonymous asked:

How does that smoke beer donut taste?

(this is about this drawing)

Very smoky! And like something Gidel isn’t supposed to eat…

Anonymous asked:

I wanna see some of your traditional art

Actually, Anon, you’re looking at it…

The majority of things that we post daily was originally drawn traditionally, and then coloured digitally. I really want to do more art that is 100% traditional, but never get a chance to for a bunch of reasons :(

Anonymous asked:

I love your analysis holy cow! see its because of Book 5 that i cant stop seeing Vil and Rook as mom and dad. i love this ship mind you, (they are my comfort ship and it gives me life whenever you draw them you beautiful soul) but even if some didnt see them as a romantic couple--in my opinion they still have that VIBE you know? Like whenever they're there you just cant help but feel like BRO THEY WOULD BEAT UP YOUR BULLIES AND THEN GROUND YOU AND SEND YOU TO YOUR ROOM FOR FIGHTING IN THE FIRST PLACE LOL is it just a me feeling?

(this is related to this post)

Thank you for your kind words, Anon! I am very happy you enjoyed the analysis and that you like my RookVil art <3

Yeah, I think these two being very parental is pretty obvious and pretty intentional! All jokes aside, Pomefiore trio really feels like it was written in a way that they would read as a family. We don’t usually like this trope because characters playing house could get pretty boring, and a lot of family-related tropes don’t resonate with us at all. So I am surprised to this day that we love Pomefiore’s vibes so much. I’m guessing that it’s because of how unusual of a family they are, how Epel actually fights with Vil a lot, and how he grows from being a little brat to being a little brat that is eager to grow and excited to show his senpais his new cool magic tricks, while they tease him but still are very proud and excited for him. Like, they’re strict and would smack him (well, Vil would) but they also want him to grow. Woah, that sounds way too wholesome ew lol

Anyways! Even if we exclude Epel, and this is another thing I’ve talked about a lot, I genuinely feel like Rook and Vil were intentionally written as a couple that has been together for quite some time, at least coding-wise. There are just too many tropes and situations that they have that are usually used for couples… Alright I’ll stop myself or I’ll rant about them again even though I just did a couple of weeks ago.

blackbutlerfandomnerddomain asked:

I just love baby Vil so much, makes me wonder what happened

(this is about this drawing)

Adults with shitty opinions + kids that can’t separate reality from fiction happened… truly, two of the worst things that could happen to a possible friendship between actors.

A couple of asks about this drawing:

Anonymous asked:

Oh oh! I saw! Che'nya art! We (smiley kitty fans) are starving! Thank you for the food! It is delicious! May we have another plate, please?

Poor smiley kitty fans! :( I am so sorry you’re starving! Please enjoy your food.

Unfortunately I don’t have any more smiley catfood for you…….. yet.

Anonymous asked:

*see Chenya *

*starts biting at the bars of my containment*

Better question for him..... What that tongue do??? 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

What that tongue doesn’t do, Anon? Wink

Anonymous asked:

Question. How much of Riddle's body do you think Che'nya would lick to clean him?

In theory, he’d probably get bored pretty quickly, but I kind of want him to just keep licking… Riddle thought it would be over 15 minutes ago, but Che’nya’s still licking… The moment he would be done with his face, ears and head (cat saliva in Riddle’s hair…), Riddle would realise that Che’nya is determined to lick him all over. Time to call Trey…

blackbutlerfandomnerddomain asked:

Riddle gets licked my Chenya often in my lil delulu ass world

Sometimes Che’nya randomly appears, licks his cheek and disappears again.

Anonymous asked:

Bro I gotta know, what do the tweel's dick(s) look like on their merform? I was scrolling on ur bluesky and saw this one with jade and idia and something between idia's legs and I was like "is that his dick?" If so DAYUM! May that bussy rest in peace

Love your art and speedpaints btw💗

Thank you for enjoying my art and especially my speedpaints! I am very happy to hear that <3

Hehe I’m glad you liked that one! I had a lot of fun with that piece.

I feel like I draw merpeen differently every single time lol but I love the design we came up with for that Jade/Idia drawing, and in fact I do have a post in which I talk about how it probably works! There aren’t any pictures there, but there are some interesting thoughts…

[gomapda]

sidewalks we crossed [side B: him.] (pt. 1)

this is broken into parts because tumblr has a limit of 1000 blocks.

side A found here!

author's note:

oh goodness. it's been a while.

i really did intend on posting this soon after i published the first part, but then life kind of got in the way. i graduated from grad school, moved to south korea, and have been here since. i'm still a carat, and i really do think about this fanfiction all the time, mainly because this story is truly me bearing my soul to the internet and my friends who have access to the original google doc.

this one is a lot less edited and looked over, but it's because this portion of the fic reminds me of something i'm still in deep grief for. so, for those of you who will read this, i was originally going to have a third installment, but i think i'll leave it at this two. it feels good and true to leave it here.

this was supposed to be published yesterday on seventeen's anni, but i was busy spending time with my korean host family who i've not been able to see that often since moving out :')

maybe i'll write short stories including these two because they are so special to me, but this main story has come to a close. the real final push was jihoon releasing "what kind of future?" officially, the very song that inspired this fic, in honor of his beautiful friend and human, moonbin. bin-ah, i hope you're sailing among the stars and looking over all of those who love you and who you love in return.

and to you, who may be reading this, thank you for being here.

✧⋆°｡☾☼꙳ ੭ * ‧ ⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ‧ ⨯ ς(>‿<.). ⁺ ✦ * . ˚ ⨯ ੭ * ‧☼☽⋆｡°✧

tagging @fiantomartell since you asked me to whenever i published this. it's been a long while, but.

pairing: lee jihoon/woozi (seventeen) x f!reader

genre: romance, fluff

summary: an accidental like, an off-chance comment, a purposeful message. you were in an unrequited love with your childhood best friend and decided to run away from him and your feelings and years later you find yourself in the same city with the same feelings when he stalks your instagram.

rating: 13+

length: 30k (bro WHAT LOL)

tags: idol!jihoon, childhood friend!reader, unrequited love (but not really), reconnection through instagram, this is just different scenes pieced together (including a ton of flashbacks), reader’s nicknames are all bug-themed, reader has depression and it manifests as suicidal ideation sometimes, this is basically real life (aka seventeen exists and debuted 150526), but the years are a little bit off for the trainee period, jihoon left busan later and trained for shorter for the sake of my story hehe, cursing, pining, mamamoo + ateez are the besties of reader, member x member pairings, jihoon and reader are both dumbasses, reader is extremely book smart but has one brain cell when it comes to romantic feelings, jihoon writes music like he’s been divorced 12x, word genius lee jihoon, idk how doctoral degrees work, i only got my masters and it was a non-thesis track lol, also idk how trainee auditions work either, miss communication is a lady we all know too well, super cute soft shit too tho tbh, no beta we die like men, i spent 5 hours trying to format this for tumblr and i’m still unsure

inspired by “drivers license” by olivia rodrigo and “what kind of future?” by woozi

inspo spotify playlist found here!

──────────────────

side b: him.

The rapid beating in his chest drowned out the slam of the door behind him as he rushed down the stairs of your home, desperate to just get away as soon as possible. Your parents weren’t home, so he didn’t have to worry about looking like an absolute fool in front of them.

You knew. You fucking knew.

You knew how much he was in love with you and this was your way of rejecting him.

He was stupid, so stupid. If he just put his feelings aside then you wouldn’t leave. You wouldn’t have to leave. But this was all his stupid hormones and brain chemistry and his fucking heart. He knew that it wouldn’t pan out. You never saw him as anything more than just a dear friend, a brother. You made that clear.

Since the beginning, your pinkies intertwined promised a forever, but you both had different ideas of what that was. And he was stupid to believe there was a chance.

He ran.

He ran so far and so hard that he couldn’t make sense of left or right or forward or backward. All he knew was that he needed to get away from you.

But he couldn’t.

He passed by Old Man Park’s home with a winding tree you were convinced held fae people that would only come out when the entire town was asleep (there was a 50km radius, you said).

He ran by the rusted bars of the playground you two snuck off to instead of going to cram school where you attempted a flip and promptly landed on the crown of your head, wood chips tangling themselves into your hair, tears mixed with laughter and pain streaming down your cheeks.

The library where you would spend more time in the children’s section than anywhere else because you would practice your ‘reading voice’ for your future children’s bedtime stories.

The baseball field where the realization that he was in love with you hit him harder than any fastball pitch ever could.

You were everywhere.

And he needed to get away.

He went to your house to share the news of passing the trainee audition, that was the whole purpose of seeing you.

However, that wasn’t the only thing he planned on confessing.

If you asked him to stay, he would have.

But instead, you rejected him before he even got one word out.

So, he packed his bags up for Seoul, a place untarnished by you. A city that not even your light could reach, no matter how radiant you were.

──────────────────

Years later.

“Jihoon-ah, aren’t you working too hard?”

He glanced up at Jeonghan who was probably let into the studio by Bumzu. Jihoon glanced at the clock to notice a bright 4:02am glaring back at him. “Ah, hyung. I didn’t even notice the time.”

“I figured. I brought you some food.”

Jihoon glanced down at the two bags in his hands. His eyes narrowed. “Hyung, I don’t eat as much as you think I do.”

“I’ve seen you eat three full meals in one sitting. Get away from your desk and we can eat.”

Jihoon sighed before he reluctantly left the seat he hardly moved from for over seven hours. “Thanks.”

“Of course,” Jeonghan replied happily, snapping the wooden chopsticks into two. He started chewing on one of the danmuji, the sound of its crunch reverberating in the studio. “Oh. And also, the wi-fi’s down at the dorm, so.”

“So, you’re here to steal my bandwidth.”

“I brought you food. I paid my toll.”

Jihoon rolled his eyes. “Alright, sure.”

“So, are you in the composing stage or the writing lyrics stage?”

“...Lyrics.”

“Hm. What are you writing about? Or rather, who are you writing about?”

Jihoon stabbed the grilled fish. “...You know who.”

“She’s really got a grip on you, huh.”

Jihoon grunted in response. Obviously.

Jeonghan continued, “I saw that one of the local newsletters interviewed the group home that she volunteers at. She was voted as volunteer of the year. Again. She smiles with her entire body. Seems like a good person.”

The younger of the two picked away at the fish, not bringing it onto his makeshift plate. “Yeah.”

“Do you still stalk her on Instagram?”

Jihoon let out a loud sigh.

“That’s a yes, then.”

“You know it’s not as bad as it used to be. I used to check, like, every few weeks, but now it’s gone down to just a couple times a year.”

“She hasn’t blocked you yet?”

“Hah. I don’t think she even knows that my account is reactivated.”

“Well, you never needed to reactivate before. Her Instagram used to be public. The rest of the members and I used to scroll through wondering how a bright girl like her could be associated with such a deadpan guy like you.”

“Wow. Thanks, hyung.”

Jeonghan merely brushed off Jihoon’s sarcasm, already used to it. “She only made it private this last year, right? Since she complains about her program being out to kill her on her story. To be honest, I’m surprised she didn’t realize you’ve been watching her stories.”

“I don’t think she checks who watches her story since she has over a few thousand followers.”

“She attracts people, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah, she always has.”

“Can I see her profile again?”

“You’re not going to do something weird, right?”

“Ey, Jihoon-ah.”

“That makes me really not want to.”

“Ey.”

Jihoon rolled his eyes before pulling out his phone. He opened Instagram and clicked on the “Search” feature and saw your profile appear at the top without even needing to type anything. He signaled for Jeonghan to scoot down the couch so he could sit down and handle the phone in his own hands. Jeonghan peered over his shoulder as he scrolled through your profile.

“Oh, is that Japan?”

“Yeah.”

Jihoon clicked on your post.

But it wasn’t opening.

So, he clicked again. And then again.

And his phone decided to catch up with his thumb’s movements.

The once white heart was now red.

His grip loosened on the device of betrayal and it clattered to the ground. “Oh shit.”

Jeonghan bit his lip to stop himself from laughing. He placed his hand on Jihoon’s shoulder and squeezed slightly. “I’m sorry, but. This is karma for not letting me see her profile on my own.”

“Hyung. Hyung. What should I do?”

“Just unlike it? I’m pretty sure that Instagram doesn’t send a notification as long as you unlike it before she sees it.”

“How do you know?”

Jeonghan shrugged. “Jihoon. It’s not the end of the world if she happens to see it. If she blocks you, then you know, and you end up writing another heartbreak masterpiece—” Jihoon couldn’t even appreciate the comment. “—but. Who knows what’ll happen?”

“...”

“Uh. I’ll just… do it for you, then.”

Jeonghan picked up the phone, facing the screen towards Jihoon, the camera scanning his frozen features to unlock and Jeonghan tapped the red heart to empty it again. He placed the phone back on the younger man’s thigh, but Jihoon remained in the same position as earlier, eyes glazed.

“Jihoon-ah.”

“Hyung.”

“Let’s just wait, yeah? The food’s getting cold. So, let’s finish eating.”

“...Okay.”

──────────────────

Jihoon picked at the rice bowl in front of him, his mind light years away, chest filled with concern for the future. Was auditioning for a company worth it? Even if he started the process now, wouldn’t it still take a while to even hear back?

“Jihoonie.”

His heart constricted once he heard the voice of the person who made him unsure. He caught you blinking owlishly at him. “Y/N.”

“Hrmm. You seem quite a bit down, my friend. You’ve barely touched your first bowl of rice. It’s concerning.”

“Just thinking.”

“Oh, don’t do that. We know that usually ends badly for people.”

“Well, someone between the two of us has to have brain cells.”

“I pride myself in simultaneously never thinking and also being the top student of our school.”

“You work miracles, Y/N.”

“Hey, now I know you’re down because you didn’t call me a flipping nerd. Your best moods are usually accompanied by your worst words.”

“You make me seem like an asshole. You slander me to other people, don’t you?”

“Of course. I can’t have them know just how utterly wonderful and fantastic you are. I’d rather you have that butthole reputation if I get to keep my best friend all to myself. I’m a selfish lady, you know.”

Did you even know how much your words affected him?

“You’re neither selfish nor a lady.”

“Oh, but I am. I’m a selfish lady who’s only checking on you because I refuse to be wrought with worry for the rest of the day. So, come on, Jihoonie. Let’s go play darts.”

“Last time we played you almost stabbed my hand.”

“Your fault for reaching for the board when I was about to own you. Come on. Let’s go. I’ll make a pinky promise with you.”

Jihoon snorted. “Of what?”

“I promise to do whatever you want if you win.”

Jihoon scrunched up his nose in response. You were always so naive with him, trusting him wholly. But a part of him was grateful that you did. He merely sighed and stood up.

He might as well use your promise to his advantage.

──────────────────

“She didn’t block me.”

“Oh, really?” Jeonghan glanced up at Jihoon who suddenly broke the silence.

“Who’s she?” Soonyoung’s ears perked up.

“You know. His firefly,” Jeonghan replied.

“What? Why would she block you?” Seungkwan directed his question at Jihoon, who was simply trying to edit lyrics in his own studio, which was being occupied by several SEVENTEEN members.

“Jihoon accidentally liked one of her posts last night, but we unliked it. Oh, sorry. I unliked it because he was completely frozen.”

“The notification probably didn’t go through,” Seungkwan supplied. “I’m pretty sure unliking a post makes the notification go away.”

Jihoon had set his phone aside earlier in hopes of not constantly checking it. His mind may be unsteady, but he was always self-disciplined.

Out of his peripheral vision, he saw Soonyoung glance down at his own phone screen that buzzed a second prior.

“Oh. Jihoon-ah, she liked one of your posts.”

Before his mind could even catch up, Jihoon flung himself to his phone, his self-discipline be damned. He frantically clicked on the notification and it redirected him to his Instagram page, where he saw your name among the list of likers. He wasn’t sure whether his heart was racing or whether it stopped completely because the buzzing in his ears overtook all of his other senses.

He even ignored the boys’ laughter around him.

“Is… Is social media actually facilitating real connection right now? Are we about to prove all of the ahjussi and ahjumma wrong? Are we about to witness history?”

“Seungkwan-ah.”

“Sorry, Jeonghan-hyung.”

“She… She didn’t block me. She saw me. What is this? What do I do? Do I just ignore it? Or should I let her know I saw it?”

Soonyoung snorted. “Yah, I’ve never seen Jihoon this nervous for any performance ever.”

“His heart’s probably racing more than it did the Golden Disc Awards.”

“WHAT DO I DO.”

“Jihoon-hyung,” Seungkwan started. “I think the first thing you need to do is breathe.”

So, he did. In. Out. In. Out.

After what seemed like years, Soonyoung spoke up. “So… Are you gonna message her?”

Jihoon sat in contemplation for a moment before he decidedly shook his head. “No. It’s time to write a song.”

Soonyoung’s eyebrows rose at that. “You’re gonna go back to work after all of this?”

Jihoon bit his lip. “No. This is gonna be a solo song.”

The corners of Jeonghan’s lips curled up at his dongsaeng. “I’m sure it’ll be beautiful.”

Jihoon nodded almost mindlessly.

Everything about her usually is.

──────────────────

“Jihoonie~ Wake up~”

He groaned loudly under the bed covers.

He heard you snicker, the only warning before you landed with a loud thump as he let out an “oof!” from beneath you.

“Get off me. You weigh like a million pounds.”

Rather than listening, you spread your limbs and trapped the adolescent boy beneath you, nuzzling further into the outer casing of his cocoon. “Nope. Just yesterday you yelled at me for not eating enough when you flung me off of the couch by accident because I stole the remote. So.”

“I’m suffocating. You’re killing your best friend.”

“Oh, but to die with a beautiful girl on top of you, isn’t that the way to go?”

There was a moment of silence where Jihoon contemplated catapulting your entire being off of his bed before, “Pretty sure that’s your dream, you damn pervert,” came his muffled reply.

“Huh. You might be right there.”

“Get! Off!”

His hand easily found your weak point between your first and second rib and you cried out as you toppled down onto his bedroom floor. He emerged from the confines of his sheets with hair sticking up every which way.

You grinned lazily up at his disheveled state and he glared right back at you. “Why are you in my bedroom?”

“Because your mom said to come and get you! We’re going to Muju today, remember? In time for the Firefly Festival!”

“Right. It’s your yearly family reunion.”

“Yes, I will become one with the bugs. My fursona will arise again. Or is it bugsona?”

“Is a buggy better than a furry?”

“You’re asking me to choose between two evils, my dear Jihoonie. Come on, get up. I’m excited to spend an entire weekend with our family.”

It was way too early for his mind to whirr as fast as it did at the simple implication of ‘our’. “Alright, firefly. Get out of my room so I can get ready.”

“Okay! I’ll go help Mama downstairs.”

You were committed to calling Jihoon’s mom as Mama instead of Eomma, as the latter held a tone for you that was nothing less than stressful.

Jihoon smiled at your joy, but stopped when he noticed you freeze in place. “...What?”

You shifted the weight in your feet before speaking. “Mm. Just had a thought. With a smile like yours, who would ever need the summertime?”

You grinned at him while his heart stopped. You always spoke without a care in the world; never carefully crafting your thoughts before speaking them aloud. You were spontaneous. Wild, even. Sometimes it ended with you in some kind of trouble, while other times, like this one, ended with him in trouble instead.

You scurried out of his room before he could respond.

He released a dragged out sigh as he felt his cheeks warm.

Forget summertime.

He wondered whether the earth could be sustained through all of the seasons at the sheer brilliance of your smile.

But he ought to thank the summertime.

Because it meant, every year, without fail, he would wake up to you, he would smell the breakfast you helped his mother cook, he would hop on a plane to travel to a different province and see the night sky alight with hundreds of fireflies, your face aglow with soft awe and wonder.

Yeah.

He needed the summertime.

──────────────────

“What? Jihoon-hyung is talking to the girl that just upped and left him and fled the country?”

“Chan-ah, your wording needs work,” Seungcheol chastised. The other members that were near enough to hear nodded, while others were distracted by their own activities.

Jihoon buried his face in his hands. “Eugh, I don’t even know anymore. It’s not like we’re actually talking; she just reliked one of my posts. It’s like, she went back and let me know that she saw me. But is that supposed to be a warning? Is it supposed to be a white flag?”

The youngest member of SEVENTEEN shrugged. “Hyung, I think that you’re putting a lot of meaning behind something that was just a small gesture.”

“Nah, Chan,” Seungcheol interjected. “Jihoon has been in love with this girl since he was a kid. This is more than just a small gesture, after what she did to him.”

Wonwoo spoke up. “Hey, don’t forget Jihoon was the one who left Busan first.”

The accused groaned.

“Wonwoo, you’re just biased towards her because you think that she and Jihoon would make a good couple and you believe in an ideal love.”

“Hyung, I just think that if Jihoon can write what he writes about her, there’s something there.”

“You romanticist.”

Wonwoo shrugged. “Jihoon-ah, I think you’ve tried to reach her with your words time and time again, but maybe it was never made clear that she was the one it was for. You mentioned that she really thought you were in love with your noona—” Jihoon grimaced at the memory. “—so, maybe she’s just unaware.”

“She can’t be that oblivious,” Soonyoung interrupted. Jihoon knew Soonyoung was almost fiercely protective over him because he was the one who witnessed Jihoon’s aftermath firsthand. Soonyoung may be over-the-top some days, but whenever Jihoon needed it, he would help ground him.

Wonwoo’s eyes flicked between the two of his fellow 96ers. “We were all kids once, Soonyoung. We were all so focused on ourselves we couldn’t really see what was happening around us.”

Soonyoung pursed his lips. “...I guess. Jihoon, what do you think?”

Jihoon stared at his hands. “Does it matter whether she knew back then or not?”

They all collectively raised a brow.

“Whattaya mean?” Seungcheol asked.

“I can make a ton of assumptions about her. That she was actually in love with me and was scared. That she was rejecting me in her own cruel, yet kind, way. That she had no idea and the timing was just completely off. But all of that, I don’t actually know. All I do know is that… I want to see her. And not just from afar anymore. But part of me also hates her. But all of me misses her. I don’t know. I guess I’m just too stupid to figure this out.”

A heavy silence passed over the group.

Soonyoung broke it. “If you’re stupid, then I’m the biggest idiot on this planet.”

“That’s not comforting, that’s just a fact.”

“Hoon, you wound me.”

──────────────────

Award shows were weird.

At first, everything was an out-of-body experience for him and could barely process what was happening. He even couldn’t believe that he and his twelve members managed to earn their matching pinky rings and the right to produce and perform, let alone be nominated for an award. When they went on the stage, they did their best to be as refreshing of idols as they could be.

But it was much more daunting than they were used to.

Their debut year went by, and although there were many nominations, they remained only that.

In middle school, he would often tell you that you had a strange fixation on being number one in your graduating class. He said that he didn’t get it, that being in the top 5 was already something that was admirable.

He would never forget the look you gave him when you said, “One day, you’ll know what it’s like. You’ll know what it’s like to almost have something and then not. It’s the kind of feeling that eats away at you, Jihoon. The feeling of, ‘But what if I did more?’”

He merely rolled his eyes and called you dramatic.

That is, until he experienced it firsthand.

The first time ever was when he was doing a music competition for clarinet and compared himself to his bandmate, who received several achievements while Jihoon found that he simply didn’t have the body to be able to hold the same lung capacity.

Then he felt it: that driving force.

You both pushed yourselves further, to higher heights.

And it ended with him sick and bedridden.

And you, heartbroken and unsure of life.

The two of you would reprimand each other for trying too hard, but even with accountability, that envy, that desire for an indisputable win, that fear of failure, would still sneak its way into you both. You, with your academics. Him, with his musical endeavors.

For several years after their debut, at award shows, Jihoon would clap, the rhythmic beating of his hands echoing that in his chest, his smile lined with bitterness, his ears rang with the whispered voices.

‘Those people didn’t deserve it. You worked so much harder. These people don’t even produce their own music. Or maybe it’s because they have real producers and composers, unlike you. Who are you to think you deserve that award?’

One night, after another show of no wins, he collapsed onto his bed, unlocking his phone, intent on watching an anime episode before falling asleep. His members were discouraged and no one wanted to discuss what more they could even do.

Even if they did everything right, maybe it still would never be good enough.

When he opened up the YouTube app on his phone, he saw a recommended video. Your name written out in English caught his eye and he realized it was Part II of a podcast you had done with the channel before. It was a Korean-American podcast and you would share your experiences in the Korean language, connecting with your culture despite being in a foreign country.

Before he could think about what he was doing, he clicked on it, hoping to find comfort in a person he always had, in someone he probably always would.

Several minutes in and he realized just how thick that red string must be between the two of you.

“You know, I thought I undid a lot of my perfectionism before coming to college. Korea is the birthplace of comparison and pressure, I’m sure of it. It was ingrained into me from childhood. So, I did what I could. I got out. Learned to broaden my horizons. But when you attend a school like Yale, your environment really just kinda forces you to be perfect just so that you can survive. Because if you’re not, then you’re cut.”

He thought back to his trainee days.

To his current days.

How similar.

“I remember being at an event where we were being presented awards for our achievements. I remember that I was in the running for one of them, and I won’t say which one so this doesn’t come back to bite me. But at this one event, I remember no other guests were invited, only the nominees and peers in the same field. And when they announced the winner, everyone applauded, of course. However, I won’t ever forget the sight that I saw.”

You chewed on your lips, gazing upward trying to find the right words to say, a habit you’ve had for years.

“The winner had the biggest grin on their face, proud of themselves, as they are allowed to be. But when they turned back to the crowd? I think they saw something. I think they saw that our smiles were forced, that we were judging them, judging ourselves, trying to determine whether they actually deserved the recognition or whether we should have been the ones to win. And… their smile faltered. It was quick, but it was noticeable. And I think the only reason why it even faltered was because it was only those of us who were nominated or could have been. Like, it’s easy to cheer on someone for a prize that you didn’t want, but as soon as you have stakes in the game? Well. That’s a whole different story. But when they lost that smile, it felt like something shattered.”

Your eyes welled up with tears, but they didn’t fall.

“They say it’s lonely at the top. I haven’t been there in a long time, but. I don’t even know if that’s where I want to be. These people have done super cool things, and who’s to say that I would’ve gotten the same results if I had tried? And maybe, maybe they have enough competitors. Maybe they need someone who celebrates them. Someone who knows the hardships of working in this field. And maybe that’s what I can do. I just want to do what I love and what I love doing is social work. Celebrating other people. Learning their stories. Not saving the world, but trying to make it into one that might be worth saving. If I happen to get recognized because of doing those things and they give some kind of trophy for it, then alright. But that’s just a byproduct of the greatest award I’ve already given myself, which is just letting myself do what I love.”

And those were words he carried with him as he went to bed that night. 

When they won their first award. Their first Bonsang. Their first Daesang.

Award shows were weird.

It was all about performance.

Performing on stage, prepped through sound-check, clean-cut choreography, and pre-recorded live vocals to grab the audience’s attention.

Performing when at their designated table, giving reactions at a timely rate for both the fancams and large screen cameras.

Performing when behind the stage, being the best hoobae or sunbae they needed to be, adapting to whatever situation they may be placed in.

He knew how to perform. He was good at it.

It was why he’s in this industry.

But there are some things that don’t warrant worrying about an audience.

As he watched the seven members of BTS walk towards the stage, reaching for their Daesang. He clapped to match the rhythm in his chest, sure and steady, at ease. His smile, genuine and wide. The voice in his head, not unlike yours mixed with his own, provided gentle comfort.

‘They deserved it. They worked hard, just like you did. Their ability to collaborate with other musicians is astounding. It would be an honor to work with them. And you, too, have won, you’ve given yourself the greatest award by continuing to do what you love.’

──────────────────

Jihoon once again found himself at the recording studio, however, at a more reasonable time. He was trying to finalize all of the details on the songs for their comeback album, so he was spending his days in the recording studio and ending it in the dance studio, fully exhausted to where he would only have enough energy to shower and trudge back to his bedroom, just to pass out on his bed.

He heard the door to his room open but didn’t make an effort to turn around.

“How’s the song coming along?”

“The album is nearly complete—”

“No, the solo one.”

Jihoon finally glanced up at Seungcheol who now stood beside him. “I haven’t had as much time to work on it. Why?”

“No, I just wanted to check in with you.”

“You’re a good leader, hyung,” he said quietly.

Seungcheol clicked his tongue. “Of course, I am. But I’m mostly just curious because you’ve never written a song about her specifically that only had you singing it.”

“…that’s not true.”

“What? Which one?”

“The first song I ever wrote.”

“Oh what? What was it?”

Jihoon shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. It’s an old song that I think only I remember anyway, plus, I only had vocals at the time. No instruments or anything.”

“…huh. What was it about?”

──────────────────

You wiped your snot away from your face, unable to differentiate between mucus and tears. Your unrelenting sobs weakened to light shudders.

His voice carried from above you, his hand entangled in your messy knots as he rubbed soothing circles against your temple. You curled yourself further into the tear-stained pillow he so lovingly dubbed, “Y/N’s Breakdown Headrest” which also doubled as “Y/N’s Punching Bag” when your emotions were forged from fire and not a dam that couldn’t hold anymore of the taunts and cruelty from your own parents.

His thigh was a mere hair’s breadth away from grazing the top of your head. He had a tendency to bounce his leg, one you continuously called him out on, but he wouldn’t ever stop his bad habit.

That is, unless you needed him to.

And he always gave you what you needed.

So, he sang to you a song of hopes and dreams and the magic of forever and always. Lyrics of never-ending friendship and pinky promises.

──────────────────

Jihoon paused, wondering how you comforted yourself now, wondering if you now had a Breakdown Headrest 2.0, before he spoke again. “It’s about what all the songs I write are about. Love. Although, more lowkey, not as direct.”

“Love and her are synonymous to you, aren’t they?”

“She’s the one who taught me most of it,” Jihoon said nonchalantly. “A truly honest and genuine form of it.”

“Wow, how romantic of you,” Seungcheol laughed.

Jihoon rolled his eyes. “I’m letting you know I only have the patience to tolerate all of you guys because of her. She believes it’s her divine mission to be as annoying as possible.”

“She sounds terrifying.”

“Yeah, she’s taught me how to be patient and remain calm. But she was also incredibly patient with me. Honestly, it feels like all the things that make me likable are all from her.”

Seungcheol made a “oOooOooOOOooOOooo~” noise before Jihoon got fed up and kicked him out. Of course, his reprieve was short lived as more and more members flocked into his room, a constant moving traffic of his twelve brothers.

He imagined you meeting them.

With Seungcheol, you would probably tease him relentlessly, trying to come up with new names for the S. Coups game, while also thanking him for being so protective and steadfast, praising him for his taste in emo music and asking him to sing My Chemical Romance with you.

With Jeonghan, you both would sneak off to devise plans on how to create chaotic dynamics in between the members and cause more infighting while eating stolen snacks or spend hours just sitting around, doing fuck all, because why not.

With Jisoo, you both would speak in English (with you affectionately calling him by his English name “Joshua!”), sharing music as well as probably arguing between Los Angeles and New York, since that was a common feud topic Jisoo brought up.

With Jun, you would try to get as many reactions out of him as possible or get him to write down the list of all of the authentic Chinese restaurants around Korea or you would sit with him at a piano and watch as he played OSTs to Chinese dramas, applauding all the while starry-eyed.

With Soonyoung, you both would either be each other’s soulmates or the banes of each others’ existence, both fiery and passionate; however, you were always good at matching the energies of those around you, so you would let him ebb and flow while you merely followed, likely to call him, “Hoshingi,” just as Jeonghan does, and you would probably love caring for him the same way you did with elementary school students.

With Wonwoo, you would watch him play his PC games, probably in awe of his prowess or you would discuss lyricism and poetry, both exchanging flowery words for no reason as you would try to pick his brain as to what really lies beneath the surface, whether he truly is as straightforward as he seems, and be intensely satisfied that he simply is as he is.

With Seokmin, likely to sweetly call him “DK~”, you would ask him to sing for you since you loved Broadway style voices, and since you both were so generous with your kindness, there would be no doubt that the two of you would somehow manage to start up a non-profit that manages to eradicate all the bad in the world.

With Mingyu, you would discuss filming and the latest movies to watch and you would ask him how he finds the motivation to do many different hobbies at once especially when busy with being an idol; you would probably try to trick him into listening to you tell ghost stories as if they happened to you.

With Minghao, you would share your favorite poets and philosophical ideas, sharing the life lessons that you two have learned and realized you managed to hack life’s code at a younger age than most, you both realized the real importance of being alive: contentment and love.

With Seungkwan, you would probably be laughing so hard at his wit that you wouldn’t have much time to breathe, you would try to figure out how exactly he managed to memorize so much information surrounding K-Pop and why exactly he was so passionate about it or if neither of those, you would ask him if he could get you the plug for those Jeju hallabong oranges.

With Hansol, you would call him “Vernonz,” since you loved names that began with the letters V and Z, and ask him about his parents once you found out they were both artists, and you two would definitely discuss the effects of late-stage capitalism and social media on humanity.

With Chan, you would do your best not to baby him, but you hold a lot of fondness for those younger than you, you would try to figure out how he is so particular about his attention to detail and whether it is something that is pressuring him (and if there was some way you could alleviate it).

He imagined you there, integrated into his life again. He imagined you showing authentic interest in every one of his precious members, unlike most interviewers they would be forced to interact with every comeback. You would learn all of their names, find out their favorite foods, the best way to make everyone collectively laugh, and ultimately, how to help all of them feel comfortable around you and inevitably love you.

And once they did, he could say that his most beloved people were finally all together.

He fell in love with you, but you’re the one who taught him how to walk into it with his eyes wide open. So, he did it with his members. It took practice, having to actively choose them. With you, it may have always been a choice, but it was as natural as breathing, even if there were times he felt like he was being suffocated (or wanted to suffocate you).

He remembered the first time he became aware of it. Most people talk about how love comes, there was always talk about rose-tinted glasses and how it softened the world around them, unable to forget the brilliant smile on their face, but no. You always shattered expectations.

From anyone else’s standards, his realization came at an inopportune time. But it was so clear. It wasn’t as though you had sparkles around you as you emitted a warm glow, it wasn’t as though your hair was perfectly touched up with no strand out of place, it wasn’t as though you were perfectly dolled-up with eyes lined and lips colored. No. It was just… you.

And that's when he knew.

Because there was no filter to block the sheer clarity he was hit with when he finally accepted he was in love with you.

──────────────────

When Jihoon saw your crying form, a slurry of words filled with concern and instructions were the only thing leaving his mouth as he packed his things up. He only deviated once he gave a quick farewell to his noona who left with her dad.

Jihoon bit his lip. Would you be okay? Maybe he’ll just rush home now and shower then call you later at night. Or maybe he should go prepare his bedroom if you decide to visit. Yes. He should do that.

Jihoon turned on his heel to make his way back home, his newfound mission resounding in his mind.

However, your cousin’s voice reached his ears, “Wait—Jihoon, I can give you a ride.”

He looked back at him, saw the way your shoulders still trembled, and shook his head firmly. His fist clenched, the baseball preventing his nails from biting into his palms. He spun it once. Twice. And up into the air.

“Here, firefly.”

You caught it by instinct.

Your gaze met his.

He felt his heart ache at the sheer brokenness apparent in your eyes, rimmed with red and puffed skin. He grit his teeth. He hasn’t seen you cry this hard since the day your parents told you that your number two class ranking was nothing to be proud of and that they expected more from you.

His jaw clenched so hard, he heard an audible bite.

“Why are you giving me this?”

Your voice sounded so soft, like a child. A visceral instinct within him wanting to lull you into a peaceful rest with a lullaby.

But he wouldn’t do that.

Because that would be embarrassing.

(That was a future Jihoon problem.)

“It’s your win today.”

He much preferred the look of confusion on your face to the look of agony you held just a few moments ago.

“Huh?”

He swallowed thickly, his brain unable to keep up with the words tumbling from his mouth. “Even when you feel like you’ve lost, even when you feel like you have nothing to gain, just the fact that you’re still here, that’s a win. So. Scream. Cry. You can do what you want. It’s your win.”

Your gaze trailed down to the baseball, too large to wrap your fingers around entirely. It was probably much denser than you thought it would be, the weight foreign in your hands, unlike his.

You sniffled.

A soft smile formed on your lips.

And Jihoon realized he preferred that look on your face than any other he’s seen.

Pretty.

He rapidly turned on his heel before he even gave a second to try and unpack that thought.

The weight of his baseball gear was really doing a number on his heart, he realized belatedly.

That night, he didn’t prepare his room. He didn’t even call you.

(Not that you reached out.)

He merely stared up at his ceiling, his heart in a constant flux of rapidly beating or stopping completely.

He groaned loudly as he played through the day’s earlier events, thinking himself stupid for giving you a fucking baseball. You don’t even like sports. Did he think he sounded cool when he said all of that cringey stuff?

It’s your win?

But despite the feeling of wanting to curl in on himself, he couldn’t help but still agree with his earlier self.

You did win his heart, after all.

(He threw his pillow at the wall.)

──────────────────

“You’ve been liking her posts more easily.”

Jihoon merely grunted as he tapped away at his computer, Soonyoung on the couch beside him. “I decided to just… stop overthinking. Well, more like just stop thinking in general. I’m too tired to try and pretend I’m smarter than I actually am.”

Soonyoung raised an eyebrow. “You got it bad for her.”

Jihoon glared at him, who was scrolling through his (Jihoon’s) phone. “Be careful what you say. For the amount of songs that are about her, she covers basically 60% of your salary.”

Soonyoung laughed. “Guess I owe her a lot, huh? If she didn’t up and leave, you wouldn’t have come here and we would’ve never met. So, I guess I’m grateful to her. Plus. She’s cute.”

“She’s more than that.”

“Yeah. I can tell,” Soonyoung went quiet for a moment. “She… A part of me really doesn’t want to trust her. I keep remembering that day, you know. Where you just… didn’t seem like yourself. Barely there—” Jihoon cringed at the recalled memory. “—but she also just seems so genuine that it makes it hard. I want to be your bro, you know? Bro code and all—”

“I never asked you to do that.”

“—And I’m nothing if not a bro. But I don’t think you’re the type of person to be hung up on someone who’s not trustworthy. Like. You lose interest in people easily if you don’t see them on a regular basis. But her? It’s been years, bro.”

“Okay, bro.”

“Just letting you know I support you in your decisions,” Soonyoung stated, but there was an edge to his voice that sounded as though he was trying to convince himself more than Jihoon. “If she’s really who you say she is. If she’s the one who’s captured that stubborn heart of yours. Then I’ll do everything I can to help you out—Oh, she posted again. Wow. She posts often and yet still gets over a thousand likes. It hasn’t even been a day. Oh wow!”

Jihoon twitched but tried not to show his eagerness. “What?”

“They’re doing a donation drive for the group home that she works with. Ey, how can someone who does volunteer work to help kids and teens be a bad person? Jihoon, are you kidding me?”

“Young-ah, you’re the one who said it, not me—”

“So close-minded, Hoon.”

Jihoon rolled his computer chair over to Soonyoung, snatched his phone back, and smacked the annoying gnat’s hand in the process. Soonyoung yelped in pain, but laughed it off. He saw your post (noticed that Soonyoung ‘liked it for him’) and a figurative lightbulb lit up over his overworked head.

“This looks like something Bumzu-hyung would post on his story. Maybe I can ask him to share it. Oh, but this is her private page. Oh wait. She tagged the group home.”

“Thanks for the play-by-play.”

Jihoon ignored him and clicked the profile to see they had the exact same e-flyer post. But he knew that you’d probably notice there was an influx of donations (hardly anything got by you) and he didn’t want to bombard you with unsolicited help.

But it’s for a good cause!

But he might be trespassing on her territory.

Everyone cares about youth and kids!

This group home wouldn’t have even caught his eye had it not been for you.

He groaned inwardly. “I don’t know whether I should ask Bumzu to reshare or what—”

“Dude, just ask her if you can share it and then wait for her reply. It’s not like there’s only a one day donation thing.”

Jihoon blinked at Soonyoung. “You’re right.”

Soonyoung immediately sat up straighter, pulling out his own phone from his pocket. He opened up his voice memo app. “Say that again, I need to record that so I can set it as my ringtone.”

Soonyoung pressed the Record button, extended his phone receiver to Jihoon, who leaned in promptly and said:

“Fuck off, Kwon Soonyoung.”

──────────────────

“Kwon Soonyoung, what the hell are you doing?”

“What do you mean? It’s not like I planned this.”

Jihoon glared at the boy before him who was somehow wearing matching clothes again. He specifically came home after rehearsal to change into something different and yet, here he was, matching with this endless energy ball. Jihoon specifically changed out of his all-black garment to choose a long, plain blue button-down overshirt and ripped, dark jeans. Something different from his usual style of a t-shirt and shorts.

Yet, there Soonyoung was, in nearly the same outfit, minus the overshirt being a blue flannel.

“I think this just means that we’re soulmates, Jihoon-ah.”

Jihoon pulled back his fist as if to hit Soonyoung, but the latter didn’t flinch at all, only laughed at the expense of his friend. The other members were downstairs waiting for them so Jihoon didn’t have enough time to change out of the outfit. And it felt almost ridiculous to give this more attention than it deserves, as if he was losing by admitting that it bothered him to the point of needing to change clothes.

But Kwon Soonyoung, the man that he was, would not let him live it down.

“Wow, we look like a couple. We should go on dates, huh? Get some sushi or–ack!”

The shorter of the two pressed his foot against the back of the other’s knee and Soonyoung nearly came crashing down had it not been for his instincts to catch himself.

Jihoon huffed down the stairs, shaking his head at the situation and readying himself to be made fun of by his members. Once he got through that door, it was game over.

And he was right.

Seungkwan, Mingyu, and Dino were the ones who rallied the rest of the group to heckle, which only added insult to injury, as those three were the ones who had the longest rap sheet to make fun of. Jihoon kept his disgusted face on as Soonyoung wrapped his arms around his shoulders, announcing to (what seemed like) the world about how he’s ‘matching with his best friend.’

Jihoon came back with a slew of half-hearted insults at the rest of his members, but they unfortunately outnumbered him. He is rarely on the receiving end of this level of teasing, but he was dragged into it thanks to Soonyoung, who was eating it up.

Even in the midst of it all, Jihoon couldn’t help but feel thankful that he even had someone to accidentally match with who would wear it with such pride and not shy away from it. Sure, it might seem dumb and annoying, but it reminded him that he could have that kind of playful relationship with others outside of you. He had other friends in school or at baseball, sure, but none were as comfortable, as relentlessly fun. He thought there would never be another you.

And there never was, but that feeling of acceptance, of joy, of gratitude.

He was able to find it outside of you.

Which was a heartbreaking realization before, but now he only hopes you’ve done the same.

And mere hours after his own outfit debacle, Jihoon sees your instagram story to find you accidentally matching with Hyejin, her making the same face that he did not too long ago. But you had a shit-eating grin, no doubt proud of causing a disruption in your friend’s life.

Your caption read: “oh, you and your soulmate are tied by a single, red thread? that’s nothing compared to the matching threads we got on right now. eat your heart out, makoto shinkai.”

Beneath it in smaller letters: “if you can’t tell by her face, this was not planned at all, but man, am i really rolling with it.”

Jihoon snorted at the serendipity of it all.

Perhaps the string of fate really isn’t just a single thread.

──────────────────

It was a rare day in which Jihoon found himself at home.

Which meant he had a lot of time to think about you.

(You replied to him. He shouldn’t have been so surprised. But he was, pleasantly so. Of course, it included a thumbs up emoji which was the visual manifestation of the acquaintance zone, but he would take what he could get.)

Album preparations were underway, and although there is a part of him that feels as though he should be scrambling, especially as their anniversary date was literally tomorrow, he thought back to a voice from his youth.

Years ago, he laid in his childhood bed, struck with a nasty fever from pushing his immune system too far by attempting to balance school and various music competitions. There was a half-asleep you, exhausted by misplaced guilt, with your fingers intertwined with his, who said: Jihoonie, Koreans always say ‘fighting’. I told you that this morning, and I knew you weren’t feeling well. I could’ve stopped you. And now here you are. I said ‘fighting,’ but why? Why do we have to fight? Life isn’t a battle to win. You don’t have to overcome anything, okay? You can just lay here and be with me. Please don’t get sick again. Please remember to rest. Some days, it’s okay to just be.

So, here he was. Simply being.

Whenever massive events (like SEVENTEEN’s six year anniversary) happened, he made sure to spend the 24 hours prior doing nothing than just being, to gain enough energy to last the following day.

Otherwise, the nagging guilt would get to him.

You were always weaving stories with even the thinnest of threads. Your knack for adding dramatic flair, amping it up to eleven, was a nightmare sometimes. For example, when he got sick and you kept repeating that you should’ve said something instead of letting him go on stage only to nearly faint afterwards. You took on too much responsibility for things outside of your control, which only caused you to lose your grip on what you actually could.

His chest tightened at the thought of you losing your grip completely. There were very few things in life that terrified him, but you potentially ending yours was one that plagued him until he learned how to remain steady when you were feeling unsure, and even still, it tore him up inside. But he knew that it wasn’t his battle to face; he wasn’t meant to save you. You reminded him of that time and time again, so instead, he learned how to let you live the life you weren’t sure you wanted. He observed warily.

As a teenager, he knew just how bad these thoughts could get for people at that age. He knew how people fell prey to the lies that they were unworthy of life and love.

So, he simply tried to be as honest as possible. He would do his best to not invalidate your experience, but he refused to enable those insidious feelings. He would come off as abrasive, he was sure, but your ability to detect bullshit was like no other. Your parents had a big hand in that. So, instead, he was truthful in his own way, in his own language, one that you learned to understand.

A few years ago, you did a two-part YouTube podcast at Yale. The first one was released a couple of months prior to the second, and he’s sure at least one hundred of the views are from SEVENTEEN (not all him, his members also took away a lot from your words).

He listened to that podcast time and time again. He heard the life in your voice, the curiosity of the future outweighing the pain of the past. You said that life was, at first, a means to be with the people you loved. But you slowly came to believe that life was something that you would choose to love every single day, and so you did.

He hoped that you still did, but trusted that, if there were days that would come where you did not, you would reach out to someone to wait with you until the storm passed and you could choose to love again.

His chest filled with pride thinking about how far you’ve come.

But he couldn’t help but wish there were some things that remained from back then.

That glimmer of hope spurred him to become mindful of the object he was fiddling with in his hands. He held up a bracelet of years ago, hardly worn by time or by him. He wasn’t sure whether he was still allowed to. It was one-half of a pair, but if its partner no longer existed, then.

However, he never had the desire to throw it away.

The metal charms felt both foreign and at home in his hands as he fiddled with them, the faint clicking sound of the chain barely registering as his mind was in an entirely different place. His eyes focused once again on the charm of the sun caught between his fingers.

If only catching you was as simple, he mused.

Jihoon sighed and covered his eyes, desperately trying not to cringe at his internal monologue, habitually reaching for the Chopper plushie that you gifted him years ago, squeezing the body to diffuse the embarrassment he felt.

He remembered when he saw the charms at some random shop he heard about from others and thought you would enjoy, so he decided to scope it out in advance for the two of you. It was easy, on his way home after spending a few hours on his own to rehearse his clarinet, a regular occurrence.

Although there was no doubt the two of you gravitated towards each other, you both valued your independence and alone time.

──────────────────

“We’re giving us the chance to miss each other, Jihoonie.”

“Who said I’d ever miss you?”

“Well, gosh darn. Guess I’ll cover for you and miss you twice as much.”

“…You’re dumb.”

“Yes. Can I have some of your fries?”

──────────────────

He retaliated by taking the ketchup bottle and squeezing them all over the tray of fries and you immediately retracted, believing that fries should be dipped in its respective sauce (unless they were loaded fries, of course, which warranted using a utensil of sorts).

He chuckled to himself. Fifteen was one of the most turbulent years of his life, but there were plenty of moments (like fries drowning in ketchup) that reminded him it wasn’t all intense.

Your fifteenth year started off with that charm bracelet.

Two weeks before then, you were so moody that he nearly gave you your birthday gift earlier than he intended, just so he wouldn’t have to see you be so upset (for which, he has only a vague remembrance of what could have made you so upset). Of course, it might have been easier if he had simply brought up his concern and asked how you were, but he knew you would have brushed it off as nothing.

He paused.

Did he know that though?

Or did he just assume?

He clicked his tongue, annoyed at his own self-reflection.

Communication was easy in theory.

Application, however.

He often found it difficult, matching your pace.

You were always so quick.

Quick-witted. 

Quick to anger.

Quick to assume.

Quick to run away.

He heard a soft knock at his bedroom door (which meant it wasn’t Mingyu or Soonyoung) and he grunted in response. The door slowly opened (that ruled out Seungcheol and Chan) and revealed who decided to greet him in such a manner.

Ah, he was right.

“Woozingi~”

“Jeonghan-hyung.”

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah.”

Jeonghan moved to sit at the edge of Jihoon’s bed, with his legs crossed. “The members are wanting to get dinner tonight altogether since we have a schedule tomorrow. The staff said they’ll pay since it’s our six years.”

This had Jihoon propping himself upright. “Barbecue?”

Jeonghan snickered. “Yeah, it’ll be good to get ready in a few hours. But I just wanted to stop by and tell you in person since I know you like to mute the group chat.”

“That’s because it’s constantly going off,” Jihoon grumbled.

“Yes, that happens when people are trying to have a conversation, Jihoon-ah. You should try it sometimes. Especially since it sounds like you have communication issues.”

Jihoon winced. “Hyung. Your timing is terrible.”

“No, it’s impeccable. Just not for you. Anyway, a word of advice.”

“Hm.”

“You don’t have to fear rejection anymore,” Jeonghan started, slowly, the words seeming almost foreign in his mouth. “Regardless of what happens with her, you have people in your life that care about you as you are. You don’t have to try and match her. I don’t want you to subconsciously fall back into a habit of appeasing her because you’re afraid of scaring her away again.”

Jihoon blinked slowly. “I wasn’t expecting actual advice, so I’m a little stunned right now.”

Jeonghan chuckled. “I’m gonna be honest. The other members told me to come talk to you because the rest are either too scared or don’t know what to say.”

“Hah, we’re back to our trainee days, huh?”

Jeonghan grinned, probably recalling the amount of times that he was the emotional support pillar of the boys before they each learned to open up to each other. “Speaking of, I remember when I first met you. You were a teen with a cold-hearted exterior and a lot of opinions as well as the weight of the world on your shoulders. You had the responsibility to carry the music of twelve other guys and you had just lost something that was precious to you. You threw yourself into your work and that became your identity.”

“I—”

“I know you’re not that way anymore, but I’m just reminding you that, no matter what happens with her, no matter how she may respond, you aren’t that cold teenager who had to bear the weight all on your own. You’ve grown and are surrounded by people who can help ease the load.” Jeonghan paused for a moment. “Also, if I could think of a member who laughs easily at anything, you are one of the first that comes to mind. So, it concerns me that you haven’t been laughing lately, even when Mingyu accidentally sneezed out his ramyeon noodles—“ Jihoon snorted at the memory from last night. “—and, if I can assume anything about her, I don’t think she’d be very honored to know that it’s because of her. So. Come back to us, Jihoon. If she’s really meant to be in your life, she can match your rhythm. Don’t leave us in the dust.”

“Is this a long-winded way of saying ‘bros before hoes’?”

Jeonghan burst into laughter. “Maybe so!”

──────────────────

“Our Jihoonie~”

The teenage boy grunted in response, shooting up a look at one of the older members. “Is there something that you need, hyung?”

“You speak so formally, it’s off-putting.”

“That’s because someone refuses to act his age.”

“What a tough Busan guy,” Jeonghan teased.

Jihoon’s face twitched.

“Bumzu-hyung is looking for you. Said he wanted to finish up some more lessons.”

“Agh. I knew he was going to have criticisms. I’m barely getting a grip on this music production stuff, so I don’t even know if what I’m making is good enough to sell. Everyone might hate it.”

“Even if everyone else hates your music, just know I’m one of your biggest fans.”

“...If my music is hated, then we won’t make any money, which means you’ll be poor. What? Is it your dream to become poor?”

Jihoon expected Jeonghan to laugh and tell him that he was right and that money mattered. But instead, Jeonghan replied, “Jihoon. Your music is good. And if we don’t make money because other people aren’t able to see it. Then what’s the point? You say that it’s your responsibility as to whether SEVENTEEN succeeds or not, but, we’re thirteen members. Three units. One team. We’re SEVENTEEN. Stop acting like it’s all about you. Maybe my dream used to be becoming rich. But now, it’s just doing this. With all of us.”

──────────────────

Jihoon stared at his hands, at the charm bracelet. “Is it selfish to want this life and her as well?”

“Maybe it is. But, so what if you’re selfish?”

“Isn’t being selfish supposed to be a bad thing?”

“Just hope that she’s as selfish as you are,” Jeonghan shrugged. “By wanting her in your life, does that mean you want to be with her romantically?”

Jihoon paused. “You know, I’m not sure. I think I would be over the moon if we could even just be a part of each other’s lives. To have that line of communication open. But as the people that we are now. I think I’d like to meet the new Y/N. She probably has more in common with the new Lee Jihoon than the old her anyway.”

“You two have grown apart, aren’t you worried?”

Jihoon went silent for a moment, trying to pick out the right words. “Rather than grown apart, it feels like we’ve simply grown in separate spaces, by taking different routes, but our lives seem too intertwined for our paths to never cross again. Plus, she’s one of the few people that I could really be myself around. It’d be nice to have another safe space like that outside of SEVENTEEN because who else can I complain about you all to, that wouldn’t cause conflict between us?”

“Ay. What is there to complain about?”

Jihoon gave his hyung a pointed look.

“Alright, alright,” Jeonghan started. “But be honest. Real talk. You really think she wouldn’t spread it to Dispatch?”

“She has always valued people’s stories more than anything, so it really annoyed her when other people would take out-of-context excerpts and twist them. So. That’s how I know she wouldn’t spread it. Also, if she was that kind of person, she would’ve done so by now. She has a ton of blackmail material on me.”

Jeonghan chuckled. “Interesting. You said she likes stories, so is she a writer like you?”

“Not in the traditional sense. She’s more of a speaker than a writer. In high school, of course, she had her awkward moments like everybody else did, but even then, she was a tier above the rest. I don’t know how to say this kindly, but she doesn’t really think before she talks, but she doesn’t usually have to because what comes out is almost always what she intended.”

“So, she must be eloquent then.”

Jihoon clicked his tongue. “Just because things come out as she intended doesn’t mean she wouldn’t intentionally be mean or annoying.”

──────────────────

“You like unnie, don’t you?”

Jihoon spluttered. Shit, shit, shit. He tried to gather his thoughts, but failed. He wasn’t good with spontaneous spoken words, that was always your realm of expertise. He needed time to think of the right thing to say, but you never waited for him. “F-Firefly, I—”

You barked out a laugh, and he nearly retaliated at the harshness. He wasn’t sure why exactly you were being so harsh. “Hey, it’s fine. I don’t blame you. She’s pretty high up there, above us mortals. From now on, I’ll do my best to help you out, yeah? That’s what best friends are for. Plus, you’re like family, like a brother to me, so.”

Jihoon sank back.

Family? Brother?

He wondered why that left a bitter taste in his mouth. But that didn’t make any sense. Wasn’t being called family the highest praise?

So why the hell did that piss him off?

Instead of speaking his actual thoughts, his mouth had a mind of its own. “I can handle myself, Y/N.”

You sneered at him.

God, you were so infuriating sometimes. 

She wasn’t like that.

She was the soothing waves of Busan, ebb and flow, constant and expected. She was everything you weren’t. She was older, more experienced, graceful, calm, soothing.

She was beautiful.

But she didn’t have that burning fire you did. Didn’t have him reacting the way you managed to every time you opened your damn mouth or rolled your eyes—there you went again!

What the hell was wrong with you?

Rapid escalation, raised voices. You, accusing him of not trusting your judgment and hiding his crush from you, saying that you wished he trusted you. Him, arguing that he didn’t need to share every little thing, that it wasn’t about his trust for you at all, and that God, he did! He did trust you! Of course, he did!

So, why didn’t he tell you about the stupid crush?

It wasn’t that deep, but you were convinced it was, and he was too tired to even try and correct you. So, sure, he could be “in love” with his noona, like you believed. Because then he wouldn’t have to untangle the mess in his chest. He could shove it under the rug like he always had, always would.

You slammed your fists down onto the table before you walked away from him, in a rampage. Like a damn wildfire trying to clear everything in sight.

You were a volatile thing, explosive, even.

But.

You fizzled out just as fast.

He awoke around midnight to the soft knocking at his window, your silhouette perched on the thickest branch the tree outside his childhood home had to offer. He had half a mind to not open the glass pane but he saw you shiver and his body leaped out of bed without a second thought.

“I’m sorry, Jihoonie,” you said, a few moments after you clambered into his room.

“Okay.”

“I’m an idiot.”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks for being friends with me anyway.”

“Sure.”

So, he wrapped your favorite blanket around you, the one he kept in his room for nights like this. Color slowly returned to your face and he saw the stains of tears on your cheek in the moonlight. You muttered words of apologies and told him about your day, not having the chance to earlier.

You were better like this, quiet, but not silent. Like a crackling fireplace beckoning all to come and listen, to be enveloped in warmth and light.

He never once called you his family.

But he’d be damned if you weren’t his home.

──────────────────

“Funny enough, despite the fact that she’s more of a speaker than a writer, even more than that, she’s a listener. She listens to more stories than she tells them. I think that’s helped with her pride. If she knew she messed up, she would always apologize, even if she hated doing it.”

“Well, that’s one lesson you haven’t learned from her yet.”

Jihoon pulled a face and Jeonghan laughed in response. The older of the two snatched away the Chopper on the opposite end and started throwing the doll up and down.

“Alright, lover boy. What I got from this conversation is that you’re still in love with her, but you gotta make sure she’s worthy of your love, alright? Heed my warning, don’t be afraid of being rejected by her. It’s already happened anyway, and here you are: world-star idol with twelve bros behind you no matter what.”

Jihoon cracked a smile. “You’re right. I got lucky.”

Jeonghan tossed Chopper back in his original vicinity. “I think Dokyeomie wanted to ask something from you too, but I don’t remember what it was, so maybe you can go get ready and he’ll come find you.”

“What a useless messenger.”

“Your luck can’t be perfect, Jihoon-ah,” Jeonghan quipped. He turned to leave the room but stopped in his tracks. “I hope to hear her story one day. Hear her side of things.”

“…Me too, hyung.”

──────────────────

“How much is the corn dog?”

“Hmm… Tell me your favorite color and how it makes you feel.”

Jihoon mustered as much displeasure as he could hold in his six-year-old body. “Y/N, you can’t pay with stories, that’s stupid.”

“It’s my shop!”

“Jihoon, we’re just playing pretend,” your cousin added, his eyes darting between the two of you, likely worried about needing to do damage control.

“Hyung, her idea is dumb!”

“Why!” You whined. “People pay with money all the time, but you can get money whenever! I don’t get to hear stories! I like stories! My parents don’t read to me every night like yours do, Jihoon!”

Jihoon stomped out of the playroom in annoyance, ears grated by the sound of your crying and your cousin’s failed attempts to console you. Stories couldn’t buy the new toy race car that he got. Stories couldn’t buy him candy at the corner market near the kindergarten. Stories couldn’t buy a GameBoy.

Stories didn’t matter.

Money mattered.

Still, nearly a decade later, you never failed to ask for your unconventional form of payment every time he took a portion of your lunch. He knew you packed more for him anyway. And he knew you would always ask for a story in return.

And he intentionally packed smaller meals so he could tell you about how the History teacher had botched up his classmate’s test and accidentally graded off by one, about how the clarinet solo he was learning required a finger pattern he wasn’t used to, about how that one guy—oh, the tennis player?—no, no, the flautist—isn’t it flutist?—it doesn’t matter—yes, it does, Jihoon—anyway, he asked out a girl—the senior?—yes—oh wow, how bold.

And you would smile in return, sliding your food choice of the day within his reach.

He learned that you hated money; it was the one and only thing your parents ever gave you consistently. Simply, it was the manifestation of their love (or lack of) for you.

So, he paid you with recountings of the mundane. You never complained, even when he felt as though his storytelling skills were lackluster. He held your rapt attention; your eyes wide with wonder, voice laced with curiosity.

Eventually, he asked you why.

Why stories?

“Because without them, I wouldn’t have learned that you love the X-Men series because of Hugh Jackman, that you prefer winter over summer, that the first ever K-Pop group you listened to was Brown Eyed Girls, that when you tell me a funny story, you wait until I react before you start laughing.”

And you gave him that smile that made his heart stutter.

“Money is everywhere, Jihoon. But there’s only one you. That’s all there is to it. People, at the core of it all, are just stories. So. That’s why. People will always matter more than profit.”

────���─────────────

After Jihoon readied himself for the group dinner, he plopped himself down onto the communal couch and found himself scrolling through Instagram. He stopped at your latest post, a candid shot of you reading a children’s book to several six-year-olds, your face aglow with excitement, a high chance the photographer captured you mid-way through some silly voice attributed to the character on the page.

“Hey, hyung.”

“Hm?”

“Can I borrow your microphone for the day?”

Jihoon didn’t even have the chance to think twice before the words left his mouth, “Tell me your favorite color and how it makes you feel.”

An uncomfortable silence blanketed the room.

“Is… Is this a hidden-camera?”

“...never mind. Just put it back when you’re done.”

“It’s blue, by the way.”

“I don’t care—”

“It makes me feel happy because it’s the color of the sky and of the ocean, which means it can be super calm or super exciting. It’s also one of the colors of our Caratdeul.”

“Okay, Dokyeom-ssi. Get out.”

“Yes, hyung. Thank you.”

Jihoon thought about how, if given the chance, you would ask Seokmin if he liked the paleness of 9am or the depth of 6pm? If he liked the gentleness of serenity or the vibrancy of cerulean? Or if he appreciated all that the shades encompassed before fading into greens and indigos?

But he wasn’t you.

You were the inspiration; the muse.

You were the reason to write.

He was just a storyteller.

──────────────────

“THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO IS HERE. THANK YOU TO THE PLEDIS STAFF, OUR MANAGERS, OUR CHOREOGRAPHERS, OUR MUSIC TEAM, OUR DANCERS, OUR STYLISTS, OUR CAMERA WORKERS, OUR FAMILIES, AND OUR SEVENTEEN MEMBERS! HAPPY SIX YEARS. HERE’S TO MORE!”

Everyone in the rented out restaurant cheered before drinking together. Even the sound barrier breaking screams of Soonyoung wasn’t enough to dampen Jihoon’s pride and spirit over how far they’ve come as a team. He looked around at his table, several members already seemingly drunk, and couldn’t help but smile to himself.

“Jihoon-ah, make an exception for tonight and drink!”

He shook his head fervently. “There’s going to be several of you who are going to regret drinking when we have our V LIVE tomorrow. You’re going to look super puffy.”

“I can already feel it,” Seungcheol laughed, his eyes slightly glazed. “But the food and the beer are too good to pass up.”

Speaking of, Jihoon made sure to snatch a piece of kalbi to put onto his plate before Mingyu could. The younger one gave him the stink-eye while Jihoon merely smirked and tilted his head back, challenging him. Mingyu decided to change his target and grab at Seungkwan’s piece, who promptly smacked his hand with a “Kim Mingyu!”

Laughter went around the table as they reflected on the last six years, the amount of embarrassing moments that were brought up were positively correlated with the amount of shots that were taken.

Jihoon grit his teeth as he tried not to fold in on himself, remembering how they threw him up as a cheer and nearly ended his life by creating a Jihoon-shaped hole in the ceiling. He was so much smaller back then, easier to launch without thinking.

They laughed about the incident where Mingyu was nearly beaten to death by Jihoon with a guitar, which Jihoon argued that he still believed he was in the right. They discussed one of their first performances as a team, where they performed NU’EST’s “Hello” and they all had helmet hair. They poked fun at Seungkwan for his revolutionary English skills when he said, “are you kimbap kidding?”

They’ve grown so much.

International interviews with BuzzFeed, Seventeen the magazine, and others. GOING SEVENTEEN as a show has grown alongside them, more than just showing Carats the behind-the-scenes, but has now turned to variety that garnered the new fanbase of Cubics, and has been an honest highlight to Jihoon’s career, where they can just go wild and laugh with each other, just as they always do.

They talked about how they used to sneak in food, how they used to help each other get ready for school, how they still have the same playful spirit as they did back then, but with more trust that has formed between them (although, less for Jeonghan since his cheating at games has only gotten worse).

Jihoon leaned back, full of food and laughter and gratitude.

He wouldn’t trade his life with his team for anything.

(Not even you.)

However, that didn’t mean Jihoon didn’t want you to be a part of his already complete life.

He was a selfish human being.

He hoped you would be one too.

──────────────────

May 26th.

Six years ago, “Adore U” came out, marking the beginning of the journey of a thirteen member boy idol group named SEVENTEEN.

Now, here he was, trying to not be bullied into drinking another shot of soju after already consuming several in a short period.

Their anniversary V LIVE ended not too long ago and they did not have a schedule the following day, so the team decided to celebrate on their own, playing Mafia and messing around. A few hours ago, Jihoon would’ve hardly been able to tolerate the noise level, but since his hearing has been compromised due to his heart beating so loudly in his ears from the alcohol, he was plenty fine.

He shooed away his members and retreated back into the corner of the room, pulling out his cellphone and ignoring Mingyu making stupid kissy faces and noises. Jihoon shot him a look of disgust, but Mingyu merely laughed it off and went to go bother his next victim, who seemed to be Boo Seungkwan, a prime choice indeed.

As soon as he refreshed his Instagram app, there you were (with a highlighted gradient ring around your profile picture, your head tilted back with a soft smile grazing your features as you took in the endless sky above you).

He clicked on the circle and saw you and your friends there, a dimmed photo but your collective smiles large and wide. He recognized Hyejin and Wheein easily (the former with a disgusted look apparent on her face and the latter with a deep dimple), as they were two friends who were a common occurrence on your feed.

And there you were.

alexa, play congratulations by post malone ft. quavo 🥳🎓 #PHinisheD

The corner of his lip quirked up at the cleverness in your caption.

Perhaps it was because of the alcohol in his system, he swiped up to send a message:

i figured u would be a day6 or eric nam kind of fan

His brain short-circuited.

Shit. Fuck. Shit. Shit. Fuck.

Who was he to think he could directly message you like this? Also, who the hell was he to figure anything about you? He hasn’t even spoken to you. Jesus Christ, what has he done?

Before he could stop himself though, his thumbs decided to speak his thoughts.

sorry that was dumb of me to assume

of course u would like post malone considering u could rap the entirety of eminems album

What the hell, dude.

You were going to freak out and call him a creep and then block him.

You’ve literally never done that.

He tried to calm his heart.

However, not even ten minutes later, he realized he couldn’t take that risk.

sorry that was stupid

ignore me

congrats y/n

He felt nearly every goosebump that crawled along his skin, creeping up to his neck, threatening to choke him out. He breathed in deeply through his nose, hoping no one bears witness to him.

“Yah, Jihoon-ah.”

His eyes trailed up to see Soonyoung with a look of concern, mixed with a twinge of panic and anger.

Ah, it would be him.

“What did she do?”

──────────────────

For people who didn’t know him, Kwon Soonyoung comes off as, well, not-so-bright.

But that wasn’t (entirely) true.

Kwon Soonyoung was aware.

He knew how to read a room, but oftentimes, he would purposely choose to simply do what he wanted anyway. Hardly did he ever prioritize another person’s comfort and complacency over his expression of his individuality. He knew what it took to be a performer, and he never denied himself the opportunity to be one.

So, him simply staring at his friend in silence with eyes that alone could have earned him his moniker of “Tiger’s Gaze,” was a major indicator that something was amiss.

Also, the fact that his friend was shrouded in near darkness, eyes rimmed with red, only a corner lamp illuminating his pale features.

“She went to America. She’s never fucking coming back.”

Soonyoung tried not to wince at his friend’s broken tone. Jihoon cursed like a sailor when they were trainees, but it was a habit that he slowly lost since he would often be reprimanded for his speech. He had to do the work to censor himself.

Well, the K-Pop industry was not a stranger to censorship, he mused.

“Wasn’t she already at an international school, though?”

“Yeah, but I just… I thought she would come back after graduating from that boarding school, you know? She wanted to go to Seoul National University, but. Fuck, dude. What if I’m the reason she stopped? What if she stopped following her dreams because of me? What if I–”

“She made her choice, Jihoon.”

“This is all my fault.”

“How?”

Soonyoung saw confusion flit across Jihoon’s face, but it quickly settled with a shake of his head. “It just is, alright?”

“Jihoon–”

“I’ll never be good enough for her. Fuck, I just thought if I tried, then maybe I could be, and– God, who do I think I am? Of course she’d never want someone like me–”

“Dude! Shut the fuck up, will you?”

Jihoon sat there in stunned silence.

“This might not even have anything to do with you. And if she really went to America because she’s trying to avoid you, then she’s a massive bitch–”

“Don’t fucking call her that–”

“I can do whatever the hell I want. Just like she’s doing whatever the hell she wants.” Soonyoung’s anger was slowly morphing into rage. Who was this person in front of him? He was so used to the sure, secure Lee Jihoon who would never truly get riled up.

But one mention of you and suddenly he would spiral.

Who the hell did you think you were?

Leaving this man who loved you so fucking wildly, to the point where he was just one moment away from begging on his knees for your return.

Soonyoung felt disgusted, but it was more of a ringing concern in his ears.

“Jihoon, you’re acting crazy right now. So what if she doesn’t come back to Korea? Are you gonna wait like a fucking sad dog out in the rain? Hoping that she’ll come pick you up again? You’re missing your own fucking life here.”

“I just–”

“Yeah, yeah, you love her. I get it. But… If she were to see you right now, do you think she would even want this kind of love? This obsessive, insecure kind?”

Jihoon’s face was now contorted in pain and Soonyoung tried so terribly hard to keep his face neutral. Soonyoung was plenty capable of being a soothing person, especially to his fellow members, but he was so riddled with frustration that he knew that he would come off as disingenuous if he even tried to pretend to be.

“Let her go. If she comes back, then she will. But don’t let her come back to someone who is incapable of even picking himself off of the floor.”

“...Okay.”

Kwon Soonyoung was aware.

Aware of how much Lee Jihoon was in love with you.

Painfully so.

──────────────────

“I just–”

“You just what?” Soonyoung’s eyes bore into his friend’s face.

Jihoon recoiled at his tone. “I replied to her Instagram story and it was some dumb comment, but what if she thinks I’m being too much and she backs off and–?”

“Jihoon-ah.”

“...Soonyoung-ah.”

“She’s human, right?”

Jihoon raised an eyebrow at that. “Yeah, no shit.”

“Then why are you acting like she’s this untouchable goddess? Who cares if she thinks you’re being too much? You’re putting her on a pedestal she probably doesn’t even want, dude.”

──────────────────

“Why’d you reject the guy?”

You glanced up at her best friend. “What’re you talking about?”

Jihoon cocked his head to the side. Was it already so quickly forgotten by you? It happened at lunch and it was kind of rowdy. Poor dude. “The guy who asked you out to the dance. You said you thought he was cute before and that he was good at tutoring math.”

“Yeah, I might know him, but he doesn’t know me.”

Jihoon raised an eyebrow. “I thought you guys tutored together.”

You clicked your tongue. “Yeah, we do, but. He doesn’t know me. I know him because I ask him questions. I ask him about himself. But he never once asked me a question about me. If he did, he would know that I hate public gestures. He would know that I don’t like receiving flowers. He didn’t even care to ask any of my friends about what I liked. The main reason as to why he asked me to go to the dance is probably because I made him feel good about himself. I might know him, but he doesn’t know me, and that’s one of the most annoying things.”

“What, that people don’t know you?”

“No. That people assume they know me.”

Jihoon paused for a moment.

“People think that I’m this super wholesome good kid who gets perfect grades.”

“Well, one of those things is true.”

You cracked a smile at that. “Yeah, well. The more people assume I’m on a different level from them, the lonelier it is. I just… I don’t want to be lonely, Jihoon.”

“It’s alright. I’ll make sure you aren’t.”

It was chilling, how your smile didn’t quite reach your eyes, as if you knew a secret he didn’t, as if you already prophesied a future that rendered his words empty. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Lee Jihoon.”

──────────────────

Jihoon nearly bit his tongue.

Ever since he no longer had the security of having you be by his side, he became exactly like one of them, forcing assumptions onto you.

You were out of sight and he was out of his mind.

He told you that you could always be yourself around him, and here he was, creating a caricature of you in his head that he knew didn’t exist. To push forth the narrative he wrote. One born of insecurity. “...I don’t understand how you’ve been so right lately?”

“I really do wish I had my phone around to record you when you say that,” Soonyoung said off-handedly. “So, you’re not going to try to unsend those messages?”

“You can unsend messages?”

“Uh–”

Jihoon immediately unlocked his phone to go to his messages. There, he saw your chat. He long-pressed the message without much thought and his thumb hovered over it.

But he hesitated.

“...Just watching from afar isn’t enough for you anymore, is it?”

Jihoon stared up at his friend, who had a look of (almost) pity etched across his features. Jihoon swallowed the lump in his throat. “...No. I don’t think it is.”

“Well, if she rejects you in any kind of way, I can comfort you.”

“No thanks.”

“Yeah, thought you’d say that.”

──────────────────

Almost exactly sixty minutes later, Jihoon witnessed a miracle.

“...She replied.”

Seungkwan glanced up at Jihoon. “Who?”

Jihoon turned his screen to his younger member, who leaned forward to read his screen. Only to audibly gasp and cover his mouth with his hands. “You messaged her?!”

“Yeah, like an hour ago. Keep up.”

“Hyung, you didn’t tell me–”

“Ah, Boo Seungkwan.”

The corner of Seungkwan’s mouth twitched and Jihoon merely smirked. He turned his attention back to your messages, smiling fondly at your usage of 🥳 after greeting him a happy anniversary.

Oh shit, wait. You knew SEVENTEEN?

And he portrayed that sentiment exactly when messaging you.

(With some typing errors.)

(He may or may not have taken one, two, several shots once the anxiety settled back into him.)

(His alcohol tolerance was nonexistent.)

The messages were now rapid-fire. He found out that you were a Carat and that you favored Yoon Jeonghan.

He snorted at that, of course you would.

A lightbulb lit up over his head. Ah. He could do something for you.

He jumped up from his seat on the couch, away from Seungkwan who was watching over his shoulder the entire time who chose to remain silent because he knew he would be kicked out if he said anything compromising. “Jeonghan-hyung.”

“Woozi Woozi~?”

“Can you do something for me?”

Jeonghan stared at him, frozen. Then after a moment to process what exactly Jihoon said, the older one crossed his arms over his chest, a scandalized look in his wide eyes. “Depends on what you’re asking for.”

“YAH.”

“Lee Jihoon, don’t yell at someone you’re trying to ask a favor from. You’re lucky I’m a nice guy.”

Jihoon held his tongue, but his expression must have given it away because Jeonghan laughed and said that he would rather not die, and asked Jihoon to continue with what he was saying. “Y/N just graduated and she basically said that you’re her favorite SEVENTEEN member–”

“WOW! I like her already.”

“Hyung.”

“Okay, what do you want me to do for both my cute fan and my even cuter dongsaeng?”

“Just a video to congratulate her.”

“My videos are rare, it’s not easy to get something like this, you know.”

“Hyung, please.”

Jeonghan cackled, but quickly acquiesced. “Alright, alright.”

Soon enough, he found himself in a rhythm speaking to you. It was so easy, there was no residual awkwardness (on his end, at least) and it felt so natural. The banter was still there and so were your emoticons, escalating from the “:)” of your childhood to the iPhone emojis. You seemed so close, within reach, attainable.

That felt dangerous.

He could feel it. He could feel that desire to spill out everything he could. He spent years coming up with the words he wished he could’ve told you, some of them now award-winning songs, and it feels almost euphoric to know that he could tell you it all.

But.

He wasn’t sure, still. How receptive you would be. Would you run away like you did in the past whenever things became too much, too overwhelming? He always reminded you that you could never be that, but he wasn’t sure whether he was of the same capacity.

He wants you in his life. There is no doubt about that, especially not now.

But what if you leave again?

He cannot mess this up. He can’t.

So, he kept things light between you, jokes and jabs.

But that didn’t stop him from pushing for more, disguised in a (not-so) innocent attempt at ensuring that he would be able to have open contact with you in the future.

And that’s all he needed. A future with you in it.

That wasn’t too much to ask for, right?

──────────────────

Yes. Yes, it was.

After a few days of no response from your end on KakaoTalk, your Shikamaru profile picture almost mocking him with his permanent deadpan look, the answer was resounding.

But Jihoon’s entire identity was based on his stubbornness.

So, he decided to take a chance and message you on Instagram.

Only to retract immediately saying you didn’t have to reply.

Stupid.

Thankfully, though, you responded within 30 minutes, admitting that @narutofanfreak123 was not exactly a username you wanted to share with anyone above the age of twelve. You both quickly resolved the miscommunication (wow, Jihoon thought, imagine if we had this before).

He chuckled at your choice of KKT username, @MadameFirefly, oddly touched that his nickname for you still held enough weight to be your moniker for a messaging app.

He did his best to casually ask what you were planning on doing in the future (not like he wanted to see if he could somehow fit into it, or whatever).

Jihoon was left staring at his phone screen, the weight of his phone now burdened by the weight of your choices. Seoul? Or New York City?

──────────────────

“You didn’t have to miss the dance just because I got a B on an exam, you know.”

“Your parents are insane for grounding you to the library for a B on an exam, you know? And for a hagwon that’s way above our grade level.”

You shook your head, not willing to admit out loud that you agreed. “What I mean is that you don’t have to keep me company while I study when you could go off and meet cute girls and sweep them off their feet.”

“Why would I do that when I can watch you and your snot-nosed face trying to do college level calculus?”

“It’s all so that I can get into Seoul National.”

“Firefly, you could get into any school, even outside Korea.”

“Maybe I’ll do just that,” you laughed. “Finally get out of here.”

“Just let me know and I’ll stow myself into your suitcase.”

“Oh please. You’ll probably be the one traveling internationally doing whatever you do. A world-renowned musician.”

“Alright, you can be in my suitcase instead then.”

“Okay, can you leave breathing holes for me?”

“No, get better lung capacity.”

You clicked your tongue at him and he laughed. “Seriously, though, Jihoonie. You could be spending your teen years the way the movies do it. You could be ‘swearing you’re infinite’ while a slow-mo cam focuses on you as you dance, surrounded by beautiful people definitely too old to be cast as teenagers.”

“No thanks.”

You put your forehead down onto the table. “Please. Do it for me. Get a girlfriend because I can’t.”

“You know, you’re probably why I can’t get a girlfriend.”

No. You definitely were.

You shot him an annoyed look. “You could easily go and find someone who’d be smitten with you. But instead you’re about to watch me get a nosebleed over how hard I’m working my brain here.”

“Maybe I’m a sadist and want to watch that happen.”

You threw your eraser at him, but easily missed, the rubber object bouncing off of the table and onto the carpeted floor. You whined at the idea of having to leave your seat and Jihoon just rolled his eyes and picked it up for you.

Sure, he could be dancing with his friends, with cute girls, with whoever. He could be surrounded by endless snacks and overly sweet punch, the dance no doubt smelling like youth and pride and reckless decisions. He would see that there are plenty of people in his life outside of you.

But, no.

If he did, you would be left here, in this almost deserted library on a Friday, pouring blood, sweat, and tears into what your parents have convinced you matters more than your health.

You gave him a large grin as he passed you your eraser before you went back to focusing on your work.

Yeah, he’d much rather see this instead.

──────────────────

Later that evening, he found himself again in his recording studio.

Our past that didn’t line up,

If I could go back in time,

Rather than roughly, but warmly,

Would I be able to let you go?

He stared at the lyrics he wrote, feeling discontent. He wanted to be the kind of person who didn’t feel any kind of residual emotions towards you. Who would be able to meet you where you were and wish you well, no matter where you decided to go.

One of his biggest regrets was storming out of your childhood home the way that he did. He could’ve had answers but instead he was left with hostile emotions and questions.

He could only hope he would’ve done something different.

But now that he is faced with letting you go, he’s not sure how easily he would yield.

He took a moment to bury his face in his hands and tried to think about this from your perspective (something he had to practice while living with twelve other boys). He breathed in deeply and thought about the you that you are now, about how the person he fell in love with could easily be gone, and you were nothing but a shadow of what remained.

But that didn’t feel right either. It seems as though the person that you’ve grown into, that you’ve flourished into, is someone he would’ve wanted to get to know regardless of whether you had history or not.

Perhaps that is because of the artifice of social media, or perhaps it’s because you carry an air of authenticity with you that has now been given the opportunity to bloom instead of stifled in the environment you were raised in. Whether or not you were mere remnants of his past, it does not mean that the person you are now is any less lovely.

He groaned loudly.

Emotional labor is hard.

How is this something you enjoy doing?

──────────────────

“You really want to become a social worker, huh?”

You shrugged. “I mean, yeah. It feels like the best use of my skills. I like being able to potentially help people like me and well, there are a lot of people like me, you know. I don’t know whether I want to become a private practice therapist, but that seems like a solid option for now until I know more about what else is out there in the field.”

He would disagree, but he decided not to. “I just can’t deal with all of those emotions.”

You gave him a raised eyebrow. “What are you talking about? You’re one of the most sensitive people that I know.”

Jihoon felt ruffled by that. “What? What are you talking about?”

You quickly put your hands up in mock defense. “I’m not saying that being sensitive is a bad thing. I’m saying that there’s no way you would be my friend if you couldn’t handle emotions. I have way too many of them, I’m not that blind to that. Also, I’ve read your poetry and heard your music and that’s some of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard. Like, even the way you hold your clarinet is emotional.”

“I think that’s you projecting yourself onto me.”

“Say what you want, Jihoon. You’re a sensitive soul, but I wouldn’t want you any other way.”

“Yeah, well, sensitivity isn’t what gets you awards, you know. Skill does.”

You huffed in response. “Yeah, well, once you build up the second, the first is what will create a legacy that will be one to remember for ages to come. I’m speaking it into existence now. And I lay claim to the title of being your first fan. I will support you the entire way, no matter what you do. Music, baseball, comedy. Whatever!”

Jihoon snorted. He wouldn’t dare become a comedian, but it made him feel good that you thought that was a viable prospect for him. “Whatever industry I’m in, I’ll probably have to protect you from all of the bad people. You’re too soft. Even just last week, I mean…”

“What? You mean, when Nahyun made fun of me during my presentation in front of everyone?”

Irritation washed over Jihoon. 

The self-proclaimed It Girl decided to try and belittle you while in the middle of your presentation, as you were explaining the measurements that you used in your findings, she asked whether you had ‘measured’ your weight recently because ‘you really ought to’.

He never wanted to get into a fight more than then, especially when your other classmates laughed along. It was a subpar, typical, low-class mean girl line, but it filled him with rage.

You were completely unphased by it, continuing on with your presentation, not even choosing to spare a glance in her direction.

Luckily, the teacher, not being a prick himself, called out Nahyun and pulled her aside after class to apologize to you. (Jihoon would’ve preferred a public execution apology.)

Jihoon stood just a few feet away as you accepted her half-assed effort. You paused for a moment and muttered something to her, something that only she could hear. Nahyun merely pursed her lips afterwards before walking away. Irritation rushed through him again.

“Seriously, though. You’re too soft, firefly.”

“Hm. I don’t think so.”

“No?”

“No. I just think everyone else is too hard on themselves. And each other.”

“...You’re gonna be a great therapist.”

“Thanks. Hire me.”

──────────────────

Jihoon had his own fair share of meetings with professional counselors (especially in the midst of living such a hectic life as an idol), but he was worried whether you would be as cut and dry as they were, whittled down by years of academia. It seemed almost like they were reading out of a textbook, using vocabulary words like ‘empathy’ and ‘self-care,’ so he never saw it fit to return if it wasn’t necessary.

However, the places you’ve poured your time into left only glowing reviews for your passion and compassion for the field that you were in.

Jihoon was roused from his thoughts at his phone ringing on his desk. He looked at the Caller ID and saw a name he has been in and out of contact with for over a decade, it was your cousin. He picked it up. “Yo, hyung. What’s up?”

“Are you busy right now, Jihoon?”

“No. It’s a slower day today. Do you need something?”

“Yeah, just wanted to let you know that I’ll be in Seoul in a few weeks. Your noona and I are planning on celebrating saying goodbye to our single days by drinking way too much within the span of 12 or so hours. I wanted to see if you were down to join.”

“I probably won’t drink, but if it’s for you, hyung, I’ll go.”

“Nice. And you can feel free to leave after the dinner, we’ll just be at an apartment we’re renting out in Gangnam, since I don’t trust those fools to walk around the streets of Hongdae.”

“I’ll probably do that, I don't want to accidentally be caught by Dispatch.”

“Right, right. We wouldn’t want to sully the name of the best producer in all of K-Pop.”

“That’s a title I don’t think I’ll ever get.”

Your cousin laughed. “You never know, you might get that award sooner than you think, kiddo. Alright, I’ll keep you updated on our schedule. But uh…”

Jihoon knew his hyung well. He was about to bring you up again. “What about her?”

“I just wanted to ask whether you’d be interested in a meet-up with her. Not that we’ve asked her or anything, but I know we’ll probably meet up with her at some point, and I know it’ll feel weird if we’re not all together, you know? The four of us.”

“Yeah… I want to say that I’m courteous enough to wait for her response, but I just know that I’m willing to meet with her, if anything. Even just one last time.”

“That… sounds kinda sad, but. I guess I’ll take it. If you’re down, we could even make it a surprise on her end.”

He imagined your deer in headlights look but couldn’t think further than that. “Sounds like we’d really be putting her on the spot, if that was the case.”

“Hey, she’s rarely played it safe. Same with you. Might as well keep the flow going. And if anything, I’ll take the brunt of it all. She can’t stay mad at me for too long.”

“We both know that’s literally not true.”

“Okay, fine. Your noona can take the blame.”

“Wow, very excited to see how this marriage will go.”

His hyung laughed. “Amazingly, I’m sure.”

A thought occurred to Jihoon and he realized it was strange that he was mentioning it as an afterthought, as if it was something to be expected, something natural and normal. “Oh, hyung. By the way, I’m talking to Y/N again.”

Jihoon heard the undeniable ‘beep beep beep’ of being hung up and he stared confused at his phone screen until he saw another phone call from your cousin. He picked up with a, “Hello?”

Your cousin sounded much more flustered than he did just seconds ago. “Sorry. I hung up because I dropped my phone by accident. Say that again. You’re what?”

“I’m talking to her again. Kind of. I guess. Like, Instagram DMing went to KakaoTalk.”

“Jesus Christ, you slid into her DMs?”

“Can you not say it like that?”

“Can you say that that didn’t happen?”

Jihoon relayed the entire experience to him, only now realizing he didn’t even share all of the details with his members because it would’ve been too much teasing fodder from them. But your cousin, his hyung, was the kind of fellow that wouldn’t do that, even given the opportunity.

──────────────────

“Hyung,” Jihoon started one day, across from said person in a local Busan restaurant. “I don’t get how you’re single.”

“Why, you wanna date me?”

Jihoon’s eye twitched and your cousin laughed. Jihoon bit on his straw, the family style meal between the two young men long since devoured. “People compare us, you know.”

He quirked an eyebrow. “What’s there to compare?”

“I don’t know. So many people around us know how cool you are. You’re good at sports, you’re smart, you have a lot of friends, you’re handsome. Everyone always says you’re one of the best listeners they’ve ever met.”

“The trick is to not pay attention sometimes and just nod.”

“I’m gonna tell Y/N you said that.”

“I’m sure she knows,” he laughed. “Well, I'm honored that you think all of those things, but those are all traits you have too. You do realize that, right?”

Jihoon grunted. “Not… really.”

“Well, just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean others don’t. My cousin definitely does. She’s a good kid and has a good heart. Same with you. If you ever decide to do anything about those feelings of yours, just know that I approve.”

Jihoon nearly choked on his drink. “Wh–?”

“Oh, it was a secret?”

“Hyung!”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t say anything to her, don’t worry. And if you ask me, I’d say that you’re the only one on this planet that even has a chance. Well, except that girl from the cake shop.”

Jihoon sneered.

Fucking Woo Soyeon.

With her shiny hair and long eyelashes and doe eyes and tanned skin from her beach volleyball playing.

Giving out discounts to you like nobody’s business. Calling you cute and flirting nonstop while twirling a lock of her hair. Saying you’re her favorite customer. He could swear Woo Soyeon would throw a knowing smirk at him every time you stuttered a little too long when saying thank you.

That damned girl behind the counter, the one whose beauty and voice (“It’s just so velvety, you know? Like the chocolate cherry cakes.”) he knew you were smitten by.

She was even taller than him, especially in her heels.

At the ripe age of 15, Jihoon understood what jealousy was.

Because of fucking Woo Soyeon.

“Watch out, Jihoon. I can hear your thoughts all the way from over here.”

“Sorry.”

Your cousin laughed. “Trust me, you mean a lot more to her than cake counter girl. My cousin wanted all of us to go see the Christmas lights in the city together. You don’t see her inviting that cake counter girl, do you?”

Jihoon felt a weird sense of pride well up in his chest. Then immediately deflated. It felt stupid to feel like he won against a person who’s just trying to sell cakes to a loyal customer. “Hyung, how do you do it? You’d never let yourself get angry or jealous over stuff like this.”

The older of the two cocked an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”

“You wouldn’t get jealous over a cake counter girl.”

“Says who? I get jealous. It’s normal, you know. Jealousy isn’t inherently a bad thing. It’s just what you do with it, right? Like, just because you’re jealous of cake counter girl, does that mean you stop Y/N from going to that shop?”

“What? Why would I do that? She loves that shop.”

“Exactly. Emotional maturity doesn’t mean you stop yourself from feeling the emotion, it just means you learn how to handle it as it comes. And once you practice it enough, it becomes easier and easier.”

“You make it sound easy, but it’s not.”

“Hey, I’m not anything big and special myself.”

Jihoon shook his head. “Hyung, you’re a superhuman.”

“No, I’m just human and letting myself be that,” he corrected. “Trust me, there’s plenty of good people out there. A lot of them just aren’t making the decision to do so. It’s easier to be cruel, but. I want to prove that you can be kind and still be a man. We get to define what that means. If I decided to be cruel, to become what society says is ‘a man,’ then I have no doubt Y/N would lose trust in me, and probably, all men.”

Jihoon noticed that his hyung stared at him for a second.

“Actually, maybe not all men.”

Jihoon felt embarrassed, but also honored, at the implication. “Thanks, hyung. You know, for not making fun of me. And for admitting that you also feel those kinds of things.”

“Absolutely, I’m glad I could help.”

“I’m seriously still surprised that you’re single.”

“Yeah, well. That might not always be the case if I can figure out what to do.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Well… you know your noona?”

──────────────────

Jihoon couldn’t help but shake his head at the way the events unfolded. Your cousin told him about his feelings for his future wife, but it still took a few years for anything to come out of that. He wondered whether being childhood friends had anything to do with it, as if the longer and deeper the bond, the riskier the chasm was to try to jump across.

However, your cousin still managed to do it.

“How did you do it, hyung?”

“Hm? What’s up?”

“Just… how did you manage to tell noona how you felt?”

The older man laughed. “You really think that it was me who confessed? No, no. It was her. I think she was tired of the back and forth that was happening between us. I mean, so was I, but I was a coward, but thankfully, she wasn’t. Now because of her saying that she loved me first, I get to be the one who says it last. Then we start again. It’s a dialogue, you see. It doesn’t matter who starts the line, as long as it continues.”

“Oh…”

“Am I proud that I was a coward? No. I sometimes wish it was me who said it first so she wouldn’t have any room for doubt. But we can’t go back and change the past, only commit to a better future. All of this to say, though, Jihoon, it’s been long enough of not saying anything between the two of you. I don’t think you want to wait any longer.”

“…yeah. I agree.”

That night, hours after preparing for the album, Jihoon’s fingers tapped away on his Notes app.

This waiting, it’s not easy to endure.

It was past 4am now.

But he didn’t want to wait any longer.

So, he switched apps and instead of a blank Note, he began typing into a message box.

i know its late. rehearsal never ends until 3am and i know that when u get texts you wake up even if ur phone is on silent bc the vibration wakes u up so im trying to type this all in one message so that it doesnt wake u up (hopefully) but i didnt want it to seem like i left u on read because i was upset or something. but i didnt want to message until i had the time to have a full conversation but i dont think thats happening any time soon anyway. when you see this i hope it makes sense im not sure if i am

A response from you was the last thing he expected, but you always managed to surprise him.

The first time he heard your voice directly in his ears, he thought he was going to spontaneously combust. But he tried to keep his voice level as he asked you about where you were leaning towards for your career.

The relief that rushed through him.

The hope that ignited in him.

That was the spark needed for him to explode.

And so he did, into words.

“I’m proud of you, you know?”

He heard your throaty stutter, one that only came out whenever you were really caught off guard. “Uh—what?”

“You got a whole ass PhD. From the best university in Korea,” Jihoon still couldn’t believe the two of you went to the same school. “You got offered a job at a super big school in America. One that’s super big in the field that you studied. You graduated from an even school for undergrad, a school that even I know the name of. And just… I know that people expect you to achieve because you’ve always been a genius, always so brilliant, but. You also work really hard. So I’m proud of you.”

He could barely hear your, “It’s not that big of a deal—” over the pounding in his ears.

“But it is, firefly.”

And suddenly he was brought back to all the years before. Where he spent more years in love with you than not. How that nickname encapsulated exactly as he saw you: inspiration, guidance, hope.

“I mean, I just—”

Your flustered response only encouraged him to continue. “You don’t have to believe me. But that won’t stop me from feeling it.”

“Jihoon, I—”

He didn’t realize just how much he’s missed hearing you say his name. But more than that, “I’ve missed you.”

There was a pause on your end, but he was done with his.

“I’ve missed you a stupid amount. Like us stealing your dad’s car to drive to McDonald’s at 3am and then running a red light on the way there. And then somehow almost hitting an entire flock of seagulls—” which he would never admit to being the reason he never wants to get behind the wheel again. “And then going to some random, deserted parking lot. And then realizing we didn’t know the way home, so we drove aimlessly, for, like, 45 minutes. And then panicking when we kept seeing the gas needle going down. That kind of stupid.”

He couldn’t pinpoint exactly why he was naming a memory that you no doubt remember as well, it was near traumatizing. But there was something in him that didn’t want you to forget. He didn’t want himself to forget. Because…

If I forget someday, as if nothing is wrong,

Our future will be empty and sad.

It’s not that I want to forget you.

Ah, he made a mental note to switch to his Notes app later.

“I… I missed you too.”

Jihoon couldn’t stop the grin spreading across his cheeks, almost to the point of straining them. It was already so late and he still had enough function in his brain to know he ought to cut this short now. Otherwise, he’d be on the phone with you for an ungodly amount of time. “I have to sleep now, but. I just. I couldn’t not tell you. That’s all.”

“Okay.” Your voice sounded so small, he had to press his phone closer to his ear to ensure he didn’t miss anything.

“Get some sleep, firefly. Or should I call you, Dr. Firefly now?”

“That sounds like a cartoon villain.”

He laughed hard at that. You would say that. “Alright, we’ll just go with firefly then.”

‘We’ felt good on his tongue.

“Night, night, Jihoonie.”

“Sleep well, firefly.”

He told you he needed to sleep, but with the way that he was running on sheer endorphins from finally releasing some of that pressure inside of him, sleep was the furthest thing on his mind. Instead, he imagined you getting some well-deserved rest, wondering what kind of dreams you hoped to have.

You were falling asleep, he was falling in love.

──────────────────

In less than 24 hours, he was going to see you in person for the first time in years, no more needing to find YouTube videos or podcasts or news articles or social media posts.

Tomorrow, he’ll be face to face with you.

And the dorm was in chaos.

“He should wear the white button down!”

“No, he should wear something funky, with cool patterns!”

“What? Absolutely not, hyung! Jihoon-hyung looks best in plain clothing, his skin shines that way!”

“Well, he’s been avoiding his skincare, so that might not be the best route to go down.”

“Hoon is handsome no matter what!”

Jihoon was exhausted. Why were his members more invested in this than he was?

Even Soonyoung was getting giddy. And that was a problem. When it came to you, Soonyoung was his voice of reason, but after he relayed the phone call he had with you, Soonyoung was easily won over by your: ‘I missed you too.’

“I knew it!” The tiger had exclaimed.

(Jihoon wasn’t sure whether he did.)

Junhui was thriving off of the chaos and was now leaping across the wooden floor, with Jeonghan quickly on his tail, trying to coerce him into stopping and failing miserably. Seokmin was still trying to convince Seungkwan that a funky pattern was like how, in nature, peacocks showed off to their mates—“he’s not a bird, hyung!”—while Soonyoung kept interjecting saying that Jihoon was attractive no matter what so he could just wear a plastic bag (which earned him a gentle slap by Seokmin). Mingyu disappeared for a moment after Wonwoo’s off-handed comment about Jihoon’s skin, only to return with his skincare products that Jihoon knew were going to be slapped on him soon enough. Seungcheol kept repeating in an exasperated tone, “Stop fighting, we already got a noise complaint this week,” while Jisoo and Minghao were probably off in Jihoon’s closet trying to establish an outfit for him without his consent. Hansol was on his phone, noise-canceling earphones on, completely uninvolved in what was going on. Chan was only goading on whoever was the loudest in the moment (currently, Junhui).

Jihoon piped up. “Do I get an opinion on this?”

In near perfect synchronization (including the boys in his room), everyone responded with a, “No!”

He pinched the bridge of his nose.

God, tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.

[continue reading here]

[omghallucinations]

Hello, I’m curious how enhypen jay would handle relationships based on his chart? Especially with his cancer moon ruling the 7th house & that taurus stellium.

dude jay's chart is so green flag. like don't get me wrong, he has problems like anyone else and some of them are harder than others (looking at you, chiron conjunct his capricorn ascendant, sun square moon, and saturn-ASC-MC yod)

but whoever marries him is set for life. cancer moon and leo juno in the 7th house--like his emotional center and the commitment asteroid? bro. he is looking for a wife. like honestly regardless of gender, whoever his partner is, wife.

fixed square ass

jay's partner is gonna have to get sneaky with it when trying to convince him about things. he thinks he is right, about everything, especially with his sun at 0 degrees just absolutely blasting off taurus vibes to the sky. he wants things the way he wants things. he has some flexibility with his gemini mars but overall--very bullheaded, pun intended.

he may also have some kind of traditional ideas about his Role in a partnership, since he has so much invested in being Strong and Responsible (not in a gross way i swear tho, he genuinely is just doing his best). he has some complexes about like... Slightly Too Attached To Societal Ideas About Being Good and Normal i think, esp with capricorn chiron conjunct ascendant (a wound about his role in society/feeling unable to perfectly Achieve in a societal way, possible parents' tough expectations stuff) and a few other things.

sun square moon is not a walk in the park tho so he gets stressed about his own emotional nature, which is something his partner would have to navigate carefully (balancing jay's clearly sensitive heart and how he does NOT want to be as sensy as he is)

💒 husband material💒

there are. so many marks of Romance and Partnership. this isn't even all of them i swear.

ruler of his 7th house is in his 7th house--moon at home in cancer, already a very needs-to-be-reflected-in-another placement--cancer moon needs emotional contact to feel safe and the 7th house is about partnerships and contact with others

chart ruler saturn in his 5th house--this is also creativity and Finding Himself but there's a romantic quality to the 5th house too, with his chart ruler being saturn he might be a little attached to some traditional ideas or feel inhibited from expressing the Romance of his Soul or both--probably both, esp with saturn being in a quincunx with MC and ASC

5th house saturn trine neptune in the 1st house--Romance and Dreams, idealism, sometimes idealizing authority figures or the idea of authority, sometimes idealizing traditional relationship or gender roles (saturn in the 5th), either way to me this looks like a very giving and almost self-sacrificing placement, like he places a lot of his identity on service to others. with this being an air trine it's also very intellectual, smart, likely he's a good writer and great communicator, somewhat unconventional sense of humor possibly

taurus venus in the 4th house--taurus is ruled by venus, so venus is at home also. beauty, pleasure, enjoyment, that's all venus. venus is not really a romantic commitment girlie in a traditional sense, but in the foundational 4th house jay finds a lot of stability in things being aesthetically pleasing and stable, including his relationships

venus sextile pisces ceres -- ceres is an asteroid who represents nurturing. i'm not a huge asteroid girlie but i do think the more major ones can affect things with tight aspects--really cannot overemphasize how compassionate jay is. he has a talent for nurturing and giving and keeping things harmonious (altho he may give more than he receives a lot)

cancer jupiter in the 6th house opposite ascendant -- cancer jupiter is already very idealistic about relationships and love and nurturing--he likely finds meaning in taking care of other people. that's what makes his life feel worthwhile in a sense. in the 6th house he is very practical about it. this boy is Acts of SERVICE, honey. the 6th house is usually very anxious, but jupiter as a way of chilling anything out so that is reduced a bit although he may still have like... philosophical anxiety in a way? like Is This Right Am I Doing Right, kind of thing.

with cancer jupiter on his descendant, jay attracts a lot of luck and optimism in relationships, and he finds faith and meaning in relationships too. sometimes jupiter on the asc-dsc means they need a lot of space but cancer jupiter reduces this a lot hahah. he gives great advice, there may be a "teaching" angle to his relationships or a "being taught" one, like it's important for him to learn from someone and teach them in return. he can be a bit paternalistic sometimes but not on purpose, and he'd react well if it was pointed out. it's important to him to be seen as giving, nurturing, generous and knowledgable.

possible uh-ohs

his aquarius uranus is square venus and exactly quincunx his moon--this would normally indicate someone who will end things out of anxiety, tbh. this is reduced a bit by other parts of his chart and to me it looks more like overthinking and anxiety in general.

aquarius uranus in the 2nd house square 4th house shows that he often feels a little like an outsider, and he feels very very pressured to be independent and self-reliant. it's insanely hard for him to push back against that instinct especially with his capricorn ascendant and taurus placements. it's hard for him to rely on other people--he wants his partner to rely on him, but it will be really hard for him to be vulnerable and rely on his partner.

uranus quincunx 7th house cancer moon-- overthinking. over THINKING, girl. quincunx is already an aspect that says overTHINKING and then uranus puts so much vibrating pressure on planets to change and develop and also... think a lot. uranus is yassified mercury, remember that. jay will overanalyze absolutely everything and decide that he sucks somehow. every interaction he's ever had? oh he is thinking about them at night instead of sleeping. that text he sent his crush??? oh he spent 2 hours drafting it and 8 hours regretting it bc why did he use that specific emoji omg he's so dumb omg he's the worst person in the world--you get what i mean

uranus is contra-parallel juno (with a 0.08 degree orb) which is similar to an opposition--there's a conflict between his romantic loving partner-focused 7th house leo juno (the "marriage asteroid" as they say, but i don't take that literally, it's also fairness and commitment) and his 2nd house aquarius uranus which really wants him to be independent, Different, become His Own Person, that kind of thing

taurus mercury on his IC to me looks like someone who maybe had to grow up pretty fast--mercury is very youthful, but on the IC is like... maybe a too youthful or somewhat unreliable parent. maybe one of his parents felt more like a sibling? or jay had to care for a sibling? or he felt like his home life was purely intellectual and not emotional, like the way he was nurtured was just intellectually? idk there's something there though. anyway he's invested in learning and communication--education was very important to his family growing up i think and having things be intellectually stimulating at home is important to him--he would need a partner who could bring that to the table too (and who would be able navigate jay's like... Grown Up Too Fast Self-Reliant To a Fault stuff)

anyway!! let's end on a high note!

his leo juno in the seventh house shows that he wants fun, romance, pride in his relationship, he'd want to show someone off, he'd want to do flashy romantic gestures probably, rose petals that kind of shit, he has no shame (ok some shame, thank u aquarius/uranus aspects) in the cheesy game. he is naturally a bit cheesy ok?? with juno in the 7th as well, in a relationship he would be really invested in making sure that things are fair and just between him and his partner--he's very ethical as a person.

[livelaughlovesubs]

Okay since people wanted me to explain why I don’t like ra-on, I’ll gladly do

It might be a long rant, also it’s my opinion.

So, I don’t even mind that they have strong libido. I mean go ahead, fuck those devils if you want, but the problem is they are supposed to be the player’s inserts. For that, this character is written way too bland.

They are way too indecisive, for example Levi’s bloodshed card, he was hurt and that dude kept saying, ‘oh I really shouldn’t do this, this is wrong,’ but what did they do? They fucked anyway. Man was on the verge of dying, and I get that he looked beautiful while doing so, there is still a time and place for everything. Then, they got hints from Levi that he wanted to do it too, okay, great, lucky you ig. But they were still so unsure of it. If you really are that desperate to do it in a graveyard with a injured man then do it with confidence, instead of keep being so unsure. Cuz if you really were that worried, you literally wouldn’t touch him. Besides, apparently they are too dumb to do first aid on him. I’m not asking them to treat his wounds, Simply putting some clothes over him would have been enough, man’s laying in the rain on the ground while bleeding my god.

Second, they are around 20-22 guess? Because minhyeok is studying and they are childhood friends. Then why are they so incompetent that they have to live off that poor man. We never heard of them having any hobbies or job, all we know about them is that they watch porn in their free time. Great. Not to mention I bet they smell, there is a comic telling us about how they’d masturbate on his chair and not wipe it afterwards. Again, poor minhyeok is the one to wipe it afterwards

That’s fucking disgusting like bro, I get you had a sad past, I get you lost your parents and didn’t have anyone to teach you some stuff, but that is being a normal functioning human which they aren’t. In the beginning, we saw that minhyeok had to take care of ra-on like they were some teenager, they can’t do anything to contribute to sharing a living space with their friend. They can’t cook, could clean but doesn’t cuz they are slacking off. How amazing. Minhyeok is going to college and has to take care of such a nuisance, he truly is pitiful. I’m not asking them to make millions, a simple part time job would suffice, heck, even knowing that they cook their own food. But nooo, they are fucking useless.

Then, in the story, we literally never know anything. They are getting pushed around by the devils. Sitri keeps calling them by the name of another, Satan does whatever the fuck he wants with them, most of the devils use the reason that they have to fuck to take advantage of them, Levi hangs them, mammon also just does whatever he wants but suddenly claiming ra-on owns him. I mean that’s not bad, most of it are little things that could have been alright if only they asked first. Consent my friend, consent. Just ask: ‘I think you need devil energy now, if you don’t mind, I could help.’ (Some did, I think beliar did ask, so shout out to him) then everything would have been fine. But because ra-on’s opinion is so irrelevant, it makes it so clear that the devils only see them as ‘the descendant of Solomon’, as a toy. But they are also somewhat at fault, cuz they aren’t assertive at all. They have no opinion to begin with, they are a pushover.

Third, or fourth? Idk, anyways their goal. So the goal is to end the contracts between the devils and the soul of Solomon. Alright, so the most normal thing would be to ask who those 72 devils are, where to find them and where you will be heading next. But no, the little group is just dragging them to wherever. Also, that about fighting angels, I know they are a human and useless against such strong enemies, but at least don’t just stand around and watch? Like they could hide, go out of the way, call for more forces, pick up a fucking weapon and shoot like Amos and stolas, nope, staying useless again. Those angels are coming for your life, which is nothing they could have controlled, but doesn’t mean they had to stay a damsel in distress. If ra-on got separated from the devils just once, they wouldn’t be able to do anything.

Beelzbubs story, they met him at a bar and he starts to sniff and lick them? Starts to invade their personal space? Sure, why not, he looks good so of course they let him use them.

The devils are biting you, forcing their kinks on you without telling you beforehand, which is basic bdsm etiquette? They are a perv, they like anything anyway so it’s fine.

No it’s not. Ra-on lacks communication and an own standing, it’s as if they don’t respect themselves. Or they are just so chill that they don’t mind getting laid during war? Now that I think about it, you have an option to say you do stay in contact with minhyeok when bael asked you about ‘that special person you left behind’. When, how do they stay in contact? Through ppyong? They could have written a letter to give minhyeok then, a text for ppyong to show minhyeok, told ppyong to tell the only friend they had to take care or something. Nope, nothing, they really only used him huh. Or maybe I’m overthinking it and their character isn’t developed enough to think about such details. Now that I’m talking about development, they don’t seem to have any at all. They are still as plain as before, and we are at chapter 5. They haven’t gotten any more serious, mature or anything. They don’t actively participate in helping neither.

They don’t talk a lot, don’t seem to have a Typ, don’t seem to dislike anything except normal things like crimes, don’t have anything they especially like besides sex. Just a mindless horny doll with no own personality. They don’t understand how hell works at all. Heck, I bet they don’t even know the names of all seven kings. It’s always about the devils doing whatever they like with ra-op, and ra-op being surprised but accepting it with no complains. They are such a failure, like they don’t resemble Solomon in the slightest. I think Solomon has more layers to his personality than ra-on. I get them wanted to make them ‘relatable’ and ‘basic’, cuz it’s a player insert, but no, they aren’t giving us any choices to support that.

Ra-on can stay a bottom for all I care, I don’t relate to them anyway, but they could be a little more sassy maybe? And a bit more decisive and mature please like my god. If they caused for a funny quirky moment then that would be enough. The writing is a joke anyway, so it would be better actually to just straight up make it into a comedy.

I could probably say more if I read more, but I’m stuck at 5-21 cuz I don’t have energy anymore. I’ve written a lot already, and i should probably mention again that this is my opinion, also that I do like the game, just not the MC.

[sevensoulmates]

First off, i loved reading your analysis on the recent episodes of 9-1-1. If i may, how would you describe 7x04 and it being from bucks pov? I think he’s an unreliable narrator. I would love to hear your thoughts as i have many lol

A x account said this “ Okay but Buck never went to play basketball when Eddie invited him, he only went after he knew Tommy was going. Like? That really happened. Why do people continue to ignore what's right in front of their faces?

But like, he didn’t go BECAUSE Tommy went. He went because Tommy AND EDDIE were going. Again, we are told 7x04 is from bucks perspective. But yet, the only time we see him “getting his attention” is the air strip scene. That scene is weird because they could have easily shown us buck messaging him and their initial greetings. But no. We are given a few seconds before Eddies name is mentioned and when he comes in the frame. No where else do we see from “bucks pov” of him trying to get Tommy’s attention. What stopped buck from reaching out again to Tommy…. That’s the plot hole of the episode I’m still lost on. He was able to reach out once, why did he stop? The gym scene? You’re telling me, it was for Tommy? Because he wanted to see Tommy play basketball? If he wanted his attention, he would have hurt Tommy and not Eddie and the conversation with Maddie would be different. Did he have attraction towards Tommy? Sure. But we the viewers are never given any indications of him trying to get Tommy’s attention. To add, in 7x05, Tommy is confused after buck says he’s been trying to get his attention. Because, again, where was this.

Most of my thoughts on 7x04 are in my multiple-part meta here. Most of the stuff you're asking about, including the basketball scenes, the gym scenes, and more are all addressed there.

I agree with the people (and Tim) who said most of the episode is in Buck's POV. I've seen people saying that you can tell it's Buck's POV because of how light and beautiful and sunkissed Eddie appears, and I agree with that. I don't agree with the people who said Eddie appears more "straight" because Buck views him as straight. I just don't really agree with certain actions being "straight" vs. "non-straight". People can look and act super stereotypically masculine and "bro-ey" and still be queer. Just look at Tommy.

Absolutely Buck is an unreliable narrator, as is Eddie. I think this episode was pretty clear-cut about that given how confused Buck was the entire episode. All you have to do is watch any other episode to know that Eddie wasn't just ignoring Buck on purpose, but that Buck was being overly sensitive about it for a reason that still isn't clear to him.

Tim and Co. have said many times that there is no black-and-white answer to what Buck was feeling in that episode. He latched onto the first answer that made sense which was first "I'm best friend jealous" then "Oh I like Tommy bisexually" because it's easier to take the path of least resistance and just believe what's in front of you instead of soul-searching or looking deeper and possibly tapping into something you're not ready to address just yet.

In my opinion, Buck was confused, and continues to be confused, because despite his attraction to Tommy being real, underneath it all, most of the feelings he was experiencing were more so about Eddie, and he's not yet at the point where he can address that head-on. The episode is confusing to us viewers because Buck was confused, so in the sense, yes, the episode was very much Buck's POV.

[amistytown]

Leviathan Birthday Collaboration 2023: A-7 Wedding

Genre: fluff, hurt/comfort

Pairing: Leviathan & GN MC

Warnings: mentions of anxiety and self-deprecation

This is my piece for Leviathan's birthday collaboration this year; I chose the prompt wedding. I feel this isn't my best work, but there was a lot going on. I'm really glad I could meet the deadline and take part in this project! I had a great time and am honored to work alongside such talented people. 

Happy birthday, Leviachan 🥳✨

As always, I apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors that may have gone unnoticed. Thank you to those who take the time to read and comment on my work; it’s greatly appreciated ♥

The silence is suffocating, allowing Leviathan’s thoughts to wander and find their voice. Normally, he sought it out, relishing the peace of mind the quiet brought him, the Avatar of Envy content to confine himself to his room and keep to the shadows. Here he feels alone and exposed, his soul laid bare before him in the vanity mirror. His reflection peers nervously back at him, wide-eyed and pale, as uncertainty takes hold and ties itself into knots in the pit of his stomach. He sighs, dropping his gaze to his hands, which tremble in his lap. You love him, and he loves you—this he knows—though doubt sows itself into his heart. What if this is a mistake—if you’ve yet to realize you deserve better? He can’t bear to see you unhappy.

“Yo, Levi!” The door swings open, and Leviathan jumps, yelping in surprise. “The Great Mammon is here to support his lil bro on his big day!” Mammon grins, while an unamused Lucifer trails behind him, scowling.

Leviathan glowers at the Avatar of Greed, feigning annoyance, but he can’t deny he’s relieved, their presence familiar and comforting, soothing his frayed nerves—it’s embarrassing. Mammon’s voice alone is loud enough to drown out his thoughts, and he gives Leviathan little time to think when he wraps an arm around the third born’s shoulders and playfully ruffles his hair.

“Don’t say I never did anythin for ya!” he crows.

“H-hey!” Leviathan growls, face flushing a deep shade of red.

“Mammon,” Lucifer warns, smoothing Leviathan’s hair as Mammon shrinks under his disapproving gaze. Though Lucifer’s expression softens, the eldest regarding Leviathan with a smile—genuine, sweet—bringing back faraway memories. A brother’s love, strong and true, and the unmistakable twinkle of pride unbidden in those eyes, the same eyes that watched over him in the Celestial realm and never stopped here in the Devildom. His heart swells with emotion, overwhelming but not unwelcome, the Avatar of Pride chuckling as arms wrap firmly around his waist, and Leviathan cries into his embrace.

In this moment, he’s a fledgling again, Lucifer’s arms and wings encircling and protecting him from the world. He’s loved, safe, all his worries melting away.

Until embarrassment gets the best of him, and Leviathan is very aware of himself and how his skin burns, quickly pulling back and averting his tearful gaze. Thankfully, his brothers allow him this, an unspoken understanding passing between them that lessens the tension, and he’s beyond grateful when Lucifer takes it upon himself to straighten his tie, voice filling the silence, “This is meant to be one of the happiest days of your life, is it not?”

“Y-yes!” Leviathan says without hesitance, still in awe you accepted his proposal. He recalls that night with utmost clarity, certain you’re standing in front of him now, eyes glistening with tears, and your smile so bright and beautiful he believes he’s ascended to the Celestial realm. Once he thought marriage a fantasy, uninteresting and unbecoming of an otaku such as himself, but you changed his mind—you changed his life. “But . . .”

“Stop right there! I know what’s goin through that head of yours, and it’s not true.” Mammon pinches Leviathan’s cheek, laughing heartily despite his brother’s murderous glare. “Who can resist my adorable lil brother, eh?”

“Mammon is correct.” Lucifer agrees. “What is it you say . . . believe in me who believes in you, yes?”

Leviathan’s mouth opens, but no words come out, caught in his throat. Instead, he sniffles, grateful tears rolling down his cheeks and snot streaming from his nose.

“Gross,” Mammon mutters. “I mean . . .” he improvises after Lucifer fixes him with an angry stare, clapping Leviathan on the back. “Ya look like a million Grimm!”

“Honestly . . .” Lucifer sighs. “Come now, Mammon.”

A wave of anxiety crashes over Leviathan. “H-hey! Wait . . .”

“We’ll see you soon, Leviathan.” Lucifer gives his shoulder a reassuring squeeze, and Leviathan nods, watching his brothers leave, their words of encouragement still ringing in his ears and strengthening his resolve. The only one who doubts him is himself, envy warping the world around him to fit its narrative—dark, lonely, and bleak. Though you love everything about him he finds disgusting, supporting him and inspiring him to become the demon he is today, and the demon he hopes to be in the future; a future he envisions with you by his side.

“Levi,” he imagines you say, the sweetness of your voice causing his heart to flutter and heat to creep down his neck to pool in his chest. “Can I come in?”

“You!” he squawks, catching your gaze in the mirror as you peek your head into the room. “I-it’s r-r-really you!” Quickly, he covers his eyes. “I’m not supposed to see you before the wedding! I-I heard it’s bad luck.”

“That’s an old human superstition,” you reassure him. “I wanted to see you . . . but I can leave if you’re uncomfortable.”

“N-no, stay!” he shouts, and then softly, “Please.” You want to see him. Years passed since you first arrived in the Devildom, countless days spent together, ending with you in his tub, your bodies and souls entwined, hearts beating as one, yet he still can’t believe you want to see him—that you want to marry him—that you want him. Every morning he wakes he falls in love with you again and again and again and again, and now he feels not a spark but a flame, burning with such intensity he aches in longing.

Your eyes meet in the mirror, and Leviathan gasps, mesmerized by your reflection and how it glimmers in the moonlight spilling through the window. Slowly, he faces you, his heart skipping a beat as he basks in your glory, shameless in his staring. Your smile is angelic, expression shy but full of affection, glistening with unshed tears as you look upon him, admiring him in return. The moment is etched into his memory, carefully filed away for safekeeping, saved not once but twice—a third time for good measure. He’ll never forget this, how you shine brighter than any star in the sky, radiating warmth and love, ridding him of doubt and instilling him with confidence; his love for you far too great to ignore.

“You look amazing,” you whisper.

“You do too . . .” He swallows. “You’re beyond amazing! You’re heavenly. My heart may give out before I make it to the altar.” Your laugh is music to his ears, leaving him weak in the knees. “You used charm and it’s super effective!”

“Don’t worry, I’ve come prepared,” you say, kneeling before him and presenting a gift box elegantly wrapped in orange ribbon. “A gift for my dearest Lord of Shadow.”

“Y-you shouldn’t have,” he stammers, touch gentle as he takes the box in his hands, untying the ribbon with unsteady fingers. Placing the top on the vanity, he grins, wide and toothy, admiring the two custom gaming controllers inside. “These are . . .” There are no words to describe the emotions flowing through and sweeping over him, surging forward in sharp stuttering sobs. Player 1 is inscribed on one and Player 2 on the other, the date on both in a heartfelt reminder of what the day is to bring and will mean after all is said and done, your bond continuing to grow and flourish.

You wipe the tears from his eyes, cradling his face in your hands. “I thought we could put them to good use later.”

Setting the box aside, he gathers you in his arms, pulling you onto his lap to kiss you, tender but fervent, the bitterness of his tears overpowered by the sweetness of your lips. “Love you I do, marry you I will,” he murmurs, resting his forehead against your own and savoring the feel of your fingers in his hair and as they run over the base of the horns now crowning his head.

“I love you too,” you laugh, your breath hot on his skin, sending a delightful shiver down his spine that causes his tail to curl. And he knows, as you lean in to kiss him, he loves you, and you love him, and there’s nowhere else he wants to be, happy and at peace in your arms.

[bigoltrashpile]

A Beautiful Dream

Hey there!! I'm back with yet another commission, once again by the wonderful @tkspersonaldump! This is a Butch and Noir fic, no spice this time, lol, just two skeletons being creepy. I hope you enjoy! And thanks again for commissioning!

Thunder rumbled faintly outside, rain slammed against the windows, and the wind howled.  It was perfect weather for a movie night.  Which was exactly why you were curled up against Butch on the couch, laughing along to the shitty movie Sans had picked.

The rest of the skeletons kept shooting Butch jealous glances, clearly mad that he was the one you had chosen to practically lay on top of.  As the night continued, and the storm only grew louder, your laughs became softer, and your yawns happened more often.

Finally, the movie ended, and the rest of the skeletons got up, beginning to clean up the snacks and blankets they had gotten out.  Or, half of them helped clean up.  The others were too busy “supervising.”

“BUTCH, GET YOUR LAZY ASS OFF THE COUCH SO I CAN CLEAN ALL YOUR CRUMBS,” Noir ordered.  He folded his arms and stomped his foot.

“sorry bro, too busy being the best mattress ever,” Butch winked.  “ain’t that right, sweetheart?”  No response.  “sweetheart?”  Butch glanced down at your face, and tried not to squeal.  You were asleep!  You had fallen asleep against him!  Your eyes were shut, mouth parted just a bit.  You looked so, so peaceful.

Now, all the others were much more jealous.  “i would’ve been a better mattress,” Hound huffed.

“I Call Dibs For Next Time,” Papyrus called quickly.

“sorry, can’t help that i’m their favorite,” Butch smirked.  “guess i’ll take ‘em up to my room, cause they picked me to sleep on.  wouldn’t wanna disappoint ‘em.”

With some angry growls and whispered threats (all quiet, so as not to wake you up), Butch picked you up bridal style.  You were so tiny and light, it was like you were made to fit perfectly in his arms.

As Butch walked up to his room, you began to stir.  “‘S the movie over?” you mumbled sleepily.

“yup, ya fell asleep.  don’t worry, ya can crash in my room.”

“It’s okay, I can go home.”  You tried to wiggle out of his arms, but Butch was too strong.

“no can do, doll.  it’s rainin’ cats and dogs out there, ya’d catch something.  or the wind would blow ya away.  i dunno, humans are so squishy and fragile.”

You pouted.  “I can go home, I’m not a napkin!”  Just as you spoke, lightning flashed, inseparable from the deafening crash of thunder.  “...Okay, maybe I’ll stay for the night.”  Good.  Butch didn’t know what he would do if you tried to leave.  “Do you have a shirt I could borrow?”

Butch’s soul fluttered.  “y-yeah, of course!”  Fuck, the thought of you wearing his clothes made his lower half a bit warm.  Nope, nope, focus.  Can’t get horny right now, then you definitely wouldn’t want to stay.  As soon as Butch got to his room, he set you on the bed before going to his closet.

Digging frantically, he managed to find a clean shirt.  It wasn’t nice or anything, but it was comfortable, and didn’t have any mustard stains, so that was a win in his book.  Plus, it would smell like you soon enough, and that was a huge win.

He tossed it to you.  You tried to catch it, but it just smacked you in the face with a soft fwump.  “Thanks,” you muttered from behind the fabric.

Just as Butch turned to leave, he let out a strained yelp.  You were taking your shirt off!  Right there, in front of him!

Oh fuck, oh fuck, you were so hot.  Your soft human belly looked so nice to squish, your hips had plenty of cushion that he wanted nothing more than to dig his fingers into, and your chest…shit there was no way he was getting out of this without a boner.

Before he could get too good of a look, you had swapped your shirt for Butch’s.  You looked amazing in it, but Butch just wanted to rip it back off.  No, no, he had to hold back.  Self control, Sans.

“Welp, I’m going back to bed,” you yawned.  “Are you sure it’s okay if I sleep here?”

“......yeah, yeah, you fell asleep with me downstairs, might as well continue our lil cuddle session,” he winked.  He hopped into bed, throwing off his shirt as he did.  He didn’t miss the way your eyes widened as you examined his ribs.  A smirk grew across Butch’s face, but he didn’t say anything.

“g’night, doll,” Butch said.  To his delight, you snuggled right up next to him.  Fuck, you were so warm.

“Good night,” you smiled.  You must have been very tired, because just a few minutes later, your breathing evened out, and you were once again asleep.

Butch smiled.  You were practically laying on top of him once again, using him like a big pillow.  He felt his eyes blip into hearts, and didn’t bother to force them back.

Knock knock knock.  Fuck, leave it to the others to interrupt the best moment of his life.  He was about to tell the culprit to fuck off, but the door swung open.

It was Noir.  “Are They Asleep?” his brother asked.

Butch nodded.  “yup.  passed right out.  they must be real tired.”  The shirt had ridden up your midriff, and Butch was gently tracing his phalanges up and down your side as he spoke.  “i dunno how much longer i can share ‘em with the rest of those dumbasses.”

Noir groaned.  “Me Too.  It’s Painful To Watch Them Try To Flirt, It’s Pathetic.”

“i know, they’re so desperate.”  He glanced back down at your peaceful face.  “guess we are too.”

Noir sighed.  “I Can’t Stop Thinking About Them.  They’re So Perfect.  I Just…I Want To Have Them All To Ourselves.”

“what if we just took ‘em then?”

“What?  Like…Away From Here?”

Butch nodded.  “we could get a lil place in the country.  real far away, the others would never find us.  no phones so they can’t call for help.”  A dreamy smile crept onto his face.  “just imagine it.  wouldn’t have to share, we’d have all their attention.  they’d be so dependant on us that they’d never leave.”

Noir let out a wistful sigh.  “That’s A Beautiful Dream…But It’s Just A Dream.  We Can’t Leave.  We Have Too Many Duties Here.”

“i know, i know, just…”  Subconsciously, Butch dug his phalanges into your hip.  You let out a whine in your sleep, and he quickly let go.  “just wanna pretend it could happen.”

Noir gently pushed some hair out of your face.  “I Do Too.”

The two brothers sat in silence.  Outside, the storm raged on.  As it did, the two of them could only fantasize about a life together.  With just the three of you.

[waywardnerd67]

Santa Baby

Title: Santa Baby Summary: Jensen finds his best friend’s Christmas boudoir photos. Paring: Jensen Ackles x Reader Word Count: 3165 Rating: X - Explicit Warnings: Fluff/Smut/Infertility Square Filled: Photographs Bingo Card: @spnchristmasbingo​ A/N: None

Check Out: 2022 Christmas Bingo Masterlist

With all his family and friends deciding to travel for the Christmas holiday, Jensen had decided to crash at his best friend, (Y/N)’s house. He had been there nearly a week and didn’t know if he would ever want to leave. Spending so much time with her was good for his soul and heart after traveling non-stop all year. It felt good to have a solid place to be with someone. She was on winter break from her job and spent a lot of time hanging around binge watching tv with him.

“Hey, do you mind if I use your computer for a meeting I have?”

(Y/N) shook her head, “Not at all. I’m going to go out and have lunch with the girls. Just no porn, please.”

He acted offended, “I would never.”

She laughed getting off the couch, “Uh-huh. I know you, don’t even think about it. I’ll be back in a few hours. Text me if you need anything.”

Jensen’s meeting was with the execs at Warner Brothers and Jared to start the conversation for what was next for Supernatural. The show had been off the air for a few years and with the new take over of the CW, both shows Jensen and Jared were EPs of, had unknown conclusions. They wanted to let WB know they were very interested in continuing Supernatural on a streaming service like HBO Max.

As the meeting went on and the execs were droning on about viewership and numbers. Jensen’s curiosity got the better of him. He opened (Y/N)’s Google Drive and found a newly shared folder titled: Christmas Photoshoot. He had not been prepared for what he saw when opening the folder. He heard Jared chuckling and immediately minimized the window.

“Jensen, everything okay?” One of the execs asked.

He nodded, “Yes, yes. Please continue.”

Jensen tried to focus on the rest of the meeting, but his best friend lying on a bed in lingerie with her legs spread was permanently etched into his mind. As the meeting ended, Jared stayed on with Jensen to chat a little longer.

“Dude, what happened? Did (Y/N) finally live out your fantasy of under the desk work?”

Jensen narrowed his eyes, “No. She’s out with friends you perv.” Though now that fantasy was playing out in his mind with the little outfit she had been wearing in that picture.

“Earth to Ackles!” Jared called out, snapping him out of his little fantasy, “Bro, what the hell is going on?”

It was no secret, especially to Jared and their friend Misha, that Jensen had a small crush on his best friend. He was used to them teasing him about it, but after seeing a quick glimpse of those photos that little crush was like a raging fire of desire.

“Nothing. I’m going to go before (Y/N) gets home. Have fun skiing with everyone and give them my love.”

Jared eyed him suspiciously, “Alright, I will. Tell (Y/N) hi and give her a kiss for me.”

Jensen nodded, ending the Zoom call. He stared at the minimized folder debating on looking at the photos again or forgetting they ever existed. He immediately brought the folder back up, scrolling through the fifty or so photos of his best friend. They started out cute with her in Christmas pjs and as he continued to scroll the less and less clothes she had on until the very last photo. Clicking on it to enlarge it, he found (Y/N)’s naked silhouette back lit by a Christmas tree she was stretching to reach the top of.

Jensen’s hand was stroking himself through his sweats as his eyes drifted down her beautiful body. His cock ached for a release that he was going to need before she came home.

“Fuck me.” He groaned, closing the picture, folder and her computer down.

By the time (Y/N) came home, he had taken a nice long shower and jerked off to the slideshow of pictures in his mind of her being in all kinds of states of undress and positions. Now, sitting across from her eating dinner, Jensen could not keep his mind from deep diving into the gutter.

“You’ve been really quiet all night. Did your meeting go okay?”

He nodded, “Oh, uh, yeah. It went fine.” Jensen looked down at his plate pushing his food around.

He was hungry, but not for the Chinese food on his plate. He glanced up to see her gorgeous concerned filled eyes on him. Her tongue slipped between her lips wetting them before dragging the bottom one between her teeth. His cock twitched, reminding him of the little under the desk fantasy he had lived in for a few moments earlier in the day. He knew there would be no way of living the rest of his hiatus with her without coming clean.

“Um, I stumbled upon some photos of you on your computer.”

She arched her eyebrow at him, “Okay…”

“Some… um, sexy photos of you.” He mumbled, watching her eyes widened.

“Oh…” She laughed, “Shit, I’m sorry Jensen. I forgot I had those on my Drive. Oh my god, are you scarred for life now? Do I need to pay for therapy for you?”

He tilted his head, “No… not scarred or confused. More surprised than anything. Didn’t think you would be the type to take those kinds of pictures.”

“Yeah, well I’ve been pushing myself out of my comfort zone recently.” He noticed her shoulders fall slightly before she smiled at him, “I should really delete them. It was a waste.”

He shook his head, “I wouldn’t delete them. You never know, you might find someone to share those with one day. If I may, why did you have them taken?”

She sighed, “Since fuckstick broke up with me, I haven’t liked how I looked. I heard that doing a boudoir photoshoot could help boost my confidence a little.”

“Did it work?”

That one simple question broke his heart as he watched tears spring to her eyes. (Y/N) shook her head, standing and walking towards her room.

“Excuse me.”

Her door shut before he could catch her. Standing outside her door, his anger began to build as he listened to her crying inside her room. Jensen would never forget being in New Mexico filming when her douchebag ex broke up with her. Telling her how ugly and flabby she was. How he couldn’t get it up or fake liking her any more. It had taken a Facetime call from Jared and Misha to keep him from flying out and beating the ever living crap out of the fuckstick.

Now, hearing a breathless sob tear through her pushed Jensen to finally have the balls to do the one thing that scared him most. He opened the door to her room and crawled into bed behind her.

“Go away please. I want to be in misery alone.”

“I’m not leaving.” He wrapped his arm around her waist feeling her flinch and hearing the resounding crack of his heart.

(Y/N) turned in his arms, pushing on his chest, “Damn it Jensen, go away! I know you don’t want to be in bed with me as I sob and cry in self pity. You should be in bed with a beautiful model or actress. Not your best cow friend.”

He grabbed her wrist pulling her against him, “I don’t want to be in bed with a model or actress. I want to be in bed with my gorgeous and sexy best friend that I’ve been in love with for years.”

“You’re such a liar. I know you’re just saying that to make me feel better. It’s not helping because I know it’s not real.”

He let out a low growl before placing her hand firmly against his raging hard on. She gasped, looking at him with wide eyes.

“I can’t fake that, beautiful. I saw those pictures of you and they have been playing like a damn slideshow in my head. Fuck, I had to take a damn cold shower and jerk off before you got home in hopes that I could play it cool around you. News flash, I can’t! You fucking turn me on so much that I have to constantly make sure I’m dick isn’t sticking out for the world to see.”

He was breathing heavily as he rolled over her, pinning her hands above her head. Another gasp escaped as he settled between her legs and leaned down brushing his lips against hers.

“If you don’t want this, or me. Tell me now. I will leave and act like nothing ever happened. For the love of god I really hope you tell me you want this because I’ve been daydreaming of tasting and being inside of you… All. Fucking. Day.”

“This is for real? I’m not dreaming or anything? You want me?” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

Jensen let go of her hands, trailing down her body. He noted every spot she flinched or squirmed as his fingers passed over them. Slipping one hand behind her neck, cradling and massaging it. She hummed and sighed before he gently placed his lips against hers.

“Yes this is real. I’m not sure if I’m not dreaming. And yes, I want you. All of you.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him back to her and kissing him. Her hips pressing against his and he groaned before snapping his against hers.

“(Y/N), tell me you want this. Please, tell me you want this.” He rolled his hips against her creating the perfect amount of friction to relieve a little pressure.

“I want this, Jensen. I want you.”

That was all he needed to hear. He began a trail of kisses down her body removing her shirt and bra. The moan that came out of her was music to his ears. He pushed her sleep shorts and panties down her legs, tossing them to the floor. When he looked back, they were closed, keeping him out.

“(Y/N)?”

“You don’t… I mean… oh god this is embarrassing.”

He rested his chin on her knees, “What is? If this has to do with how you're groomed, I don’t care about that. Shaved, unshaved, don’t matter to me as long as I get to taste you.”

She groaned, pressing her head back into the pillow, “It has nothing to do with that.”

“Then what, beautiful. You can tell me.”

Whatever it was, she was truly having a moment of insecurity that he wanted to take away. She had no idea how beautiful and sexy she truly was or how it was killing him not to have his face buried between her legs.

She blew out a long breath, “I’ve never had a guy go down on me. I don’t know what it feels like and I don’t want to hurt you with my thunder thighs.”

Jensen’s jaw slacked as he let the words register in his head, “Never?”

She shook her head, covering her face with her arms, “Nope. None of them ever wanted to.”

“Well they’re even bigger fucksticks than I thought.” He kissed her on her knees, “Baby, you have nothing to worry about. I definitely want to go down on you and you’re not going to hurt me with these delicious, beautiful thighs of yours. Please, let me see you. Let me taste you. Let me make you feel good.”

She stared at him for a long time before slowly opening the gate to him. As he settled between them, Jensen lifted her legs over his shoulders. He ran the tip of his finger over her slickness making her shiver and sigh.

“So wet and perfect.” He murmured.

“The number of panties you have ruined for me is astro-NOMICAL!” She cried out as he ran his tongue up her.

“Really? Well, feel free to never wear a pair around me again.” He chuckled against her inner thigh, “Are you okay?”

“Mmhmm.” She grasped the sheets beside her.

He worked his tongue over her repeatedly until focusing on her sensitive clit. The moans and whimpers coming from her were driving him crazy. He sat up slightly and watched her face as he pushed one finger inside of her.

“Ohh-hh, Jen-Jensen… oh wow…”

Slowly he pushed his finger in and out of her, adding another one feeling her tightening around them. His cock twitched wanting to be buried deep inside of her.

“S-So close Jensen… oh god… m-more.” She moaned, her hand hesitantly reaching down towards him.

He nuzzled his nose into the small patch of hair chuckling, “You know you can direct my head wherever you want it. You’re not going to hurt me.”

Those would be his famous last words as her fingers thread through his longer hair and push his mouth down onto her clit. She rolled her hips against his mouth and tugged on his hair. The pain sent a jolt of electricity straight down to his cock and he sucked hard on her clit. Her thigh clamped around either side of his head as her body trembled through her release.

“Fuck Jensen! Holy… oh Jensen.” She cried out, as he let her ride out her release.

He kissed his way back up to her as she stifled a giggle, “What?”

(Y/N) took her hand, running it over his beard and holding her slickness on her hand, “I think I made a mess.”

He leaned down kissing her before rubbing his face between her breasts making her giggle more, “A fucking delicious and beautiful mess.”

(Y/N) lifted his face bringing his lips to hers for a passionate kiss, “Make love to me. Make me forget about all the guys who told me I was ugly or grunted their way through sex with me. I want to feel beautiful and loved by a great man.”

Jensen kissed her again, reaching between them and aligning himself with her, “You’re sure?”

She nodded and he gently pushed inside of her. Jensen watched her face carefully in case she was in pain. He ignored his body's need to snap his hips against her and wanted to make sure she was okay. He let out a shaky breath against her shoulder holding himself still to let her adjust to him.

She rolled her hips against him, “Move… please move…” She moaned.

Jensen inched his way out before pushing back in. They both sighed as he repeated this over and over then his body took over picking up his pace. He was so snug inside of her that it was hard for him not to lose himself in the feeling of her.

“God (Y/N)... feel so good inside of you. Fuck…”

Her fingers dug into his back, “Harder Jensen… a little harder. I-I won’t break.”

He bared his teeth against her collarbone, pushing himself up for a better angle. He drove into her as their skin hit echoed off the walls. She squeezed his cock tight just like she had done before she came earlier. He could feel the familiar tingling in his stomach that he was going to cum soon.

“J-Jay… right there. Oh god… like that. Yes, yes. yes, fuck Jensen!” She cried out.

He leaned over her, snapping his hips against her getting ready to pull out of her when she wrapped her legs around him.

“Cum inside me. It’s okay, I promise. Want to feel you cum.”

That sent him right over the edge and he mumbled incoherently into her the crook of her neck. He knew better than to not carry a condom with him or at least pull out and jerk himself off. Something about cumming inside of (Y/N) felt right and he couldn’t shake that feeling even after they had cleaned up, laying in her bed.

(Y/N)’s head was resting on his chest while her fingers traveled a path from his hip bone up to his chest. They had been laying in silence for the better part of an hour when she finally broke it with a bombshell of a confession.

“I can’t get pregnant.” She whispered, “I found out about five years ago when I was going through a really hard period. My doctor told me that my body would never produce fertile eggs. Yet, another reason why my ex dumped me. I want you to know before this goes any further.”

“That’s why you told me to cum inside of you.”

“Mmhmm.” Her body shivered, “Which is in my top three sex experiences of all time. Congrats.”

“What are the other two?”

(Y/N) lifted her head to look at him smiling, “You going down on me and you giving me the first mind blowing orgasm in my life with your fingers.”

He started laughing, running his hand down the side of her face, “Well glad to be of service. Please feel free to call on my services any time.”

“Really?” She leaned her cheek into his hand, “Even after all the baggage, insecurities, infertility? You still want to be with me?”

He laid down facing her, “I have baggage as well. A crazy filming/convention schedule. Thousands of fans who 99 percent of them are amazing, but there are a few who will go bat-shit crazy over me having a girlfriend. I also have insecurities about myself that will pop up at all the wrong moments. Infertility does not make you any less of a beautiful woman or less desirable.”

“Really?”

“Really. If/When the conversation comes up about kids then we can see what our options are. There are plenty of kids who need a family. I think one day, you will be an amazing mom.” He leaned in kissing her, “Plus, knowing I can cum inside of you is seriously the hottest thing ever. We may never leave your house again.”

(Y/N) giggled as he peppered kisses all over her face and neck. She gently pushed him onto his back and straddled his waist. His hands immediately massaged her hips as he stared up in awe for her.

“I think this was one of your poses from the photos, right?”

She nodded, “Sure was except then I didn’t have a sexy man beneath me. I also had a Santa Hat on.”

“You did? Totally missed that…” She rolled her hips against him making him moan, “Can’t imagine how I missed the Santa hat.”

(Y/N) got off him making him groan, grabbing something out of the bag on her floor. He smiled wide as she placed the santa hat on her head and returned to her original spot.

“What do you say? Are you up for round two?” She asked, kissing down his chest to his stomach.

He rolled his eyes back as she slid his cock into her mouth, “Anything for you Santa Baby…”

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