#so we shall also be doing withdrawls :))
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zaphic · 1 year ago
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update: friend bailed due to impending job interviews (valid). going to stay with my parents as of tomorrow until things clear up here
roommate got covid from work. I now cannot perform for feast.
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gingergofastboatsmojito · 7 months ago
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Anger
Let's forget about the fact that he's so 🔥FUCKING HOT 🔥 and just focus on the fact that he's right, shall we? #Notjustaprettyface
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This is true for people with a lot of different disorders/syndromes i.e. PTSD, ADHD (some types not all of them), Burnout syndrome, Withdrawl syndrome/Addiction, etc.
Carmy checks more than 1 box ☑️☑️☑️
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Anger is a shield. In a therapeutic environment, it's a 🚩red flag that indicates where to dig in, to find out what is beneath that surface. As long as there's consent. The patient doesn't need to cooperate with the therapist for the process to be successfully completed, but the patient does need to be aware of what steps will be taken and why.
IRL, most of the time we can't afford to dig in, RL is certainly not a therapeutic environment and therefore we can just do what Syd and Richie did. Go.
Get out of there and leave the angry person alone with their anger. Maybe wishing them well, maybe not even that.
Carmy and Sugar also left Donna alone.
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Anger is a loyal companion.
Anxiety and anger, overreacting, taking offense, attacking, etc. are all different ways of covering up what lies unsolved beneath the surface.
Anger is always the easiest way out of "taking accountability" and action to solve the conflict that triggered it.
Carmy is Donna's son and he's mirroring her. It's a toxic kind of loyalty because while he's keeping her at a distance, he's actually so close to her. Love is an act of mirroring. And as long as he doesn't recognize her ways in himself, and does something about them, he will continue acting like her whenever he uses anger as a currency. He would rather be the perpetrator than the victim or play the victim to have an excuse to defend himself, resourcing to anger. It all leads to the same destination: his default mechanism.
Sugar has a different mechanism, she's the savior.
Anyone who wants to know more about these concepts can also check Karpman's Drama Triangle here.
But it's not necessary to study Karpman's work to realize that Carmy, Donna, Sugar, Michael, Richie, even Pete, and Cicero, or Michelle in NY, all play a role in the dysfunctional dynamic that the Berzatto family has going on. And it probably has been like that for generations. It's a lineage issue.
I have mentioned in a previous post that Carmy is the plot and Syd is the plot twist. And I truly believe this not only because of my personal Sydcarmy preference but because I really see Carmy breaking free from this toxic cycle, the cycle ends here. He will overcome this and Syd will be a crucial part of his redemption arc.
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Spoiler alert: His found/chosen family, the one he will form, will have nothing to do with The Berzattos.
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kiastirling-fanfic · 1 year ago
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I would love to see Mage!Cullen AU with this obscure sorrows prompt: jouska n. a hypothetical conversation that you compulsively play out in your head, which serves as a kind of psychological batting cage where you can connect more deeply with people than in the small ball of everyday life.
Ask and you (and @nirikeehan who gave me the exact same prompt within minutes of you) shall receive!
A little angsty but here we are.
@dadrunkwriting
Characters: Cullen Word count: 488
“It’s an honor to meet you, Most Holy. I am Former Knight-Commander Cullen Rutherford, of the Kirkwall Circle of Magi. I am told you summoned me to lead your armies and end the conflict between mages and templars in my capacity as a high ranked templar still loyal to the Chantry. I have come to accept this posting, but as a mage loyal to the Chantry.”
Oh yes. That would go over well. He could picture her face now, or he imagined he could. Cullen had never met Divine Justinia after all. He’d never met her predecessor either. He had only seen either of them in portraits, their idealized images radiating holy light and stern motherly care.
How might that Divine respond? “What an interesting story you must have, Ser Rutherford. Come join me for tea that I might hear more of it.” Then what?
Painted by her actions, Cullen was even less sure what to make of her. How many times had the rite of annulment been called under her eye? More times than Cullen felt comfortable with, especially after Kirkwall. He’d seen too much there, learned how it was all too easy to provoke a mage to commit crimes equal to its requirements. Mages who otherwise were not inclined to such and would happily live in peace given the chance.
That Divine’s answer was more clear to him. “Do you mean to tell me, Ser Rutherford, that you were an apostate within the Kirkwall Circle? My Left Hand shall find the truth.” And then Cullen would spend some days or weeks or Maker forbid months under her tender mercies as they learned his every secret.
How had he kept it hidden.
(He barely even tried. He was barely a mage, completely untrained, he only rubbed the face of his lucky coin clean off with his meditations to not set anything aflame.)
Why had he never told.
(Fear. Naked fear. For what he could not articulate. If he were lucky, if he had come clean immediately, he would have been treated as any mage in the Circle once they weaned him off the lyrium. But he didn’t, and so every possible abuse (and he saw it that way now, despite himself) was possible. Tranquility was the greatest among them.)
What was he planning.
(Nothing. Please, he wanted only to live, only to protect his people. He stayed in the gallows where he belonged, what did it matter that he did so as a templar while magic sang in his veins and his dreams clawed at him. There was never any plan.)
How could they use him.
Even in his fantasizing in the night, Cullen had no answer for that. What use was a former templar? How much less use was there in a former templar who was also an untrained mage, whose suffering to come from lyrium withdrawls was inevitable and the consequences untold in a mage.
What could he do?
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afni-fics · 4 years ago
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Elder Scrolls DC - A Reluctant Dragonborn - Chapter 8: The Bandit Tower
Elder Scrolls DC - A Reluctant Dragonborn - Chapter 8: The Bandit Tower by C_R_Scott Chapters: 8/? Fandom: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Red Robin (Comics), DCU (Comics) Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Characters: Tim Drake, Lucien Flavius Additional Tags: Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Skyrim/DCU crossover, Reluctant Dovahkiin | Dragonborn, Not Beta Read Summary:
In the pre-dawn hours, Tim and Lucien begin their journey to Bleak Falls Barrows. Along the way, they come upon an old abandoned watchtower...
Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter
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About an hour before sunrise. Tim left Gerdur's home without waking its occupants and went to wait for Lucien on the bridge that lead out of town towards the mountains. He nibbled on some bread and cheese as he listened to the sound of the water rushing over the rocks underneath him. It was a calming sound that soothed his jangled nerves somewhat, and also helped distract him just a little from the fact that he had no access to coffee.
Now that several days had passed since first waking up on that road to Helgen, his body had acclimated enough to remind him, at that god-awful pre-dawn hour, oh by-the-way aren't we addicted to caffeine and why haven't you gotten your fix yet?! Unfortunately, far as he could find from both the inns in Riverwood and in Whiterun, coffee just didn't exist in Skyrim. Apparently Nords just woke up and powered through mornings like Kryptonians.
On top of the growing headache behind his eyes that always signaled the first miserable sign of caffiene withdrawl, Tim was also coping with the lingering pain from his burns. Though he'd used the balm and re-wrapped his torso, upper left arm, and shoulder in linen bandages, the ache of the burn had made it nearly impossible to sleep, especially since he couldn't reach the entire burn area on his back. There were areas he just couldn't get to on his own, and he hadn't wanted to ask for help from anyone else.
So he was sore, tired, and feeling irritable at hell. If it weren't for the weight of the three hundred gold coins resting in pouch at his waist, he would've seriously considered leaving Lucien behind to spare him the pain of dealing with his foul mood. The poor museum man just didn't deserve that.
"I'm going to step out on a limb and guess you are not typically a morning person."
Tim glanced toward the voice and scanned Lucien carefully. While the man had professed not to be much of a fighter, at least he had the sense to know how to dress for the climate they were about to travel into. He appeared to be wearing multiple, sensible layers of clothing meant to keep him warm underneath a long robe that was trimmed with intricate embroidery and had a hood that was already drawn over his head. Above that he wore long fur cloak that settled upon his shoulders and down his back. The man also had a backpack that was probably filled with his research gear, a small oil lantern that was clipped to one side of his belt, and a sheathed sword strapped to the other side.
Tim smiled wryly. "I've always been more of a night owl," he said, hoping belatedly that owls were actually a bird that existed in this place.
Apparently they were as Lucien gave him a sympathetic look. "I understand completely. Used to be the same way when I entered university a few years back. Here." The scholar reached into his bag and pulled out what looked like a leather waterskin. 
Tim took the waterskin and noticed it felt warm. He gave Lucien a quizzical look.
"It's a blend of tea I concocted to help with these kinds of mornings. Brewed some up and made enough for both of us. I figured it was the least I could do for surprising you last night with 'extra baggage' for your trip to the Barrows." Lucien urged Tim to try it.
Curiously, Tim did take sip. It definitely wasn't coffee, but as far as teas went it wasn't that bad. There was definitely a strong herbal quality to it, though Tim couldn't even begin to identify what it could be from. There was also a slight smokiness to the flavor as well, as if there was some sort of roasted grain mixed in. But most important of all, whatever was in it was taking the edge off his caffeine withdrawl symptoms. 
"Thanks Lucien. I really needed that," he said after a moment. 
"Wonderful! Shall we be off then?"
***
When the pair of them left Riverwood, though the sun hadn't risen yet the sky was clear. Unfortunately, the further up the mountain they went towards the Barrows, the worse the weather got. First there was fog. Then there was snow. Tim had shrugged his own fur cloak into a better position to cover more of his body. A glance backward confirmed Lucien had done the same. It was clear neither of them were acclimated to this kind of weather, not like the local Nords.
"How long do you think it will take to reach the Barrow?" Lucien asked as he paused to warm his hands over his small oil lantern. 
Tim made a mental note to purchase a lantern the next time he saw one at a general store. "Gerdur said that once we reach the abandoned tower, we should be about halfway there." 
They continued their trek up the barely there path for about an hour. The snow and the fog made it hard to see more than a few yards far in front of them. For awhile there, Tim wondered if perhaps they had missed seeing the abandoned tower at all.
As their path began to level off where the mountain began to naturally plateau Tim could finally see it. There was an old stone watchtower set right at the edge of a steep cliff overlooking the valley below.
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"Finally," Lucien said as he caught sight of the tower as well. "Let's stop there for a bit of a rest before going up the rest of the way."
Tim almost agreed with him, but then he noticed movement around the base of the tower. "Wait!" he said as he reached out to snag Lucien by the cloak and dragged him behind a large pile of rocks.
"What's wron--" Lucien started to ask, but was startled by the expression on his companion's face. Tim's face was a mask of deadly serious focus as he stared at the tower from behind the cover of the rocks.
"There are people at the tower. At least two."
Lucien peeked over the top of the rocks, eyes squinting as he tried to see through the fog and snow. "They must be the bandits that have taken root in this area. But are you sure about the number? I can barely see the outline of the tower through all this mist, let alone any people." When he didn't get an answer, Lucien glanced to his side. "Timothy?"
Much to his surprise, he was all alone except for Tim's footprints winding around the rocks in the snow.
***
Tim stealthily moved closer to the tower by slinking from cover to cover. He hoped Lucien would take the unspoken hint and stay behind until he was done. 
This... felt good. Hiding in shadows. Keeping a civilian safe. Creeping up on goons/bandits while he plotted their inevitable takedown. Finally, for the first time since arriving in Skyrim, Tim felt like himself.
From where he sat, he could see that there was just a change in the guard. One who had been standing at a post a few yards from the tower entrance was swapped by another who'd walked out from it. Tim counted his lucky stars. It was this movement that had caught his attention earlier. Due to the weather, if it had just been the guard standing there, he might not have caught sight of him until it was too late.
Once the other guard disappeared into the tower, leaving his partner alone, Tim made his move.
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The solid THUNK of the steel dagger embedding itself in the trunk of the tree he'd been leaning on immediately caught the attention of the bandit guard, startling him from his attempt to stay warm at his post.  
"What the--?!" he exclaimed as he whipped his head to the left and saw the dagger vibrating mere inches from his nose. Then the sound of rustling in a nearby set of bushes, and the sight of the snow-laden branches jostling around immediately caught his eye. It looked as if there was a shadow hunched behind it. With a growl, the guard immediately drew his sword and rushed the bushes, prepared to slice open whoever had thrown the dagger. However, he ended up choking on his warcry as he saw that there was nothing but a backpack sitting in the snow. "Huh?"
Tim smirked as he crept out from behind a large boulder, his quarterstaff a comfortable weight in his hands as he prepared to swing it at his unsuspecting target.
***
The sound of a body falling to the ground with a muffled groan after a series of suspicious thudding noises caught the attention of the original guard as she poked her head out of the tower's entrance. This one drew her bow and nocked an arrow immediately upon seeing that their compatriot was not where he was supposed to be. Cautiously, she walked across the bridge that led to the mountainside. Then she saw the body of the other guard. 
"Skialg!" she called out with alarm. Caution thrown to the wind, she rushed forward to check on him, though, she never saw the staff that jutted out in front of her feet, tripping her into the snow. 
The moment the bow was out of her hands, Tim stepped out and kicked it well out of reach. The female Nord bandit looked up to find a wooden staff pointed ominously at her face. Her eyes widened in horror. 
"You've got two choices," Tim said with a dark smirk and a low tone. "You can either jog down the mountain and never come back, or you can end up like your friend there, taking a nap in the snow. Which would you prefer?"
Tim was ready for a counterattack, and was mildly surprised when it never came. He was expecting anger and retaliation. Instead, there appeared to be genuine terror on the woman's face as she nervously scrambled to her feet and booked it down the mountain path, racing past Lucien without a second though even though she could clearly see him. 
As soon as she was out of sight, Tim relaxed and rested his staff on his shoulder. "Well that was disappointing," he said as Lucien walked up to him. Though the sky was still overcast, somewhere beyond the clouds the sun had risen and had lightened up their surroundings considerably. "Are bandits around here always so skittish?"
"Well how would you feel if you had a mage's staff aimed at your face?" Lucien said with a disapproving frown. "Honestly, Timothy! A Fire Blast or Sparks or Frostbite at point-blank range like that would have been completely excessive and resulted in backlash on you as well as your target. Who taught you how to use a staff with such bad form anyways?"
"Mage's staff?" Tim looked at Lucien with confusion.
Lucien noticed the odd look Tim gave him, then motioned for TIm to give him the staff. Without protest, Tim handed it over. After a moment, it was the scholar's turn to look confused. "Wait... Is this... Just a stick?"
"Actually, it's a quarterstaff."
"But... Wait, so you don't use magic at all?" 
"No."
"But you carry staff."
"Yes."
"That has no magic whatsoever."
"I guess not? Wasn't expecting it to when I bought it."
"But... What do you do with this, if not to cast spells?"
Tim blinked at him, then rubbed the back of his neck. "I just... well... hit people with it?"
Lucien gaped at him. "And, that works?"
Tim pointed at the other bandit that was still unconscious.
"Mara's mercy! Did you actually kill that bandit with a stick?!" Lucien went over and poked the bandit with Tim's quarterstaff experimentally
Tim sighed. "No, he's not dead. Just unconscious. He'll be out for hours, and we'll be long gone by then."
Lucien straightened up with a contemplative expression on his face. "So... your entire plan to get us past the bandits on our way to the Barrow was to sneak up on your own, with just a stick, to bludgeon a pair of bandits into Oblivion, but not really because you had no intention of actually killing them?"
"Yeah. Pretty much," Tim remarked as he went back to the original guard's tree. He tugged the dagger out of its bark and then went to retrieve his backpack from where he'd thrown it earlier. "Maybe it doesn't make sense to you, but even if they're bandits and on the wrong side of the law, they're still people with lives and possibly even families. To end their lives so casually, as if they were worth nothing at all..." He sighed as he closed up his pack. "It's just... not the way I was raised. Ending another human life should never be an option if there are other solutions available."
When Tim looked at Lucien again, he found the scholar studying him in a way that made him feel a little uncomfortable, like he was a puzzle needing to be solved. "That's a very noble sentiment. Truly in the spirit of Stendarr himself," Lucien finally said as he handed the quarterstaff back to Tim. "Hopefully it won't get you killed one day. Tamriel could use more people who thought like you do, though I doubt the bandits on the road will show us the same mercy."
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Tim gave Lucien a weak smile. "Hopefully," he echoed. Then he motioned for Lucien to wait as he took a few minutes to drag the still unconscious bandit back into the tower. When Tim came back out to continue his journey with Lucien to the Barrows, he shrugged his shoulders at the odd look the scholar gave him. "What? It wouldn't be much better if I left him out in the open to die of exposure or to be eaten by a wolf."
Lucien laughed as he walked alongside Tim once more up the mountainside. "Somewhere up in the shrubbery there's a starving wolf that's sure to be cursing your name right now."
"Well lucky for me, I've got a big stick."
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Author Note: This is being pantsed more than plotted, and this is not beta read. We'll see where this journey takes us. Mostly I'm just doing this for my own amusement.
Note: If you have any questions about the playthrough and Tim's feelings/experiences that aren't described in the chapters, please ask me in the comments. I'll do my best to answer your questions as best I can.
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triforceangel13 · 4 years ago
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Waltz Within Chains Ch. 7 (A BakuDeku
Chapter 7: Risk
“This way Izuku. Quickly now,” Inko whispered to her son, pulling the hood up over his head even more to hide his face.
“Mother where are we going?” Izuku asked doing his best to keep up with her. These past couple of days had been rough. He felt cold and sick. He had barely slept and had barely eaten anything as well. Ever since Katsuki had been taken he hadn't been feeling right. Whenever had he been away even a moment away from his alpha?
Sure they had been apart a few times but it was never more than a few hours. And every night like clock work Katsuki was there nearby.
He hadn't ever felt like this.
“You had said you weren't feeling well right?” she asked him, taking a peek around the corner and then guided him down the hall.
Izuku hadn't ever been to this part of the castle. He had no reason to go to this area. It was always forbidden. But he had a feeling of where they were going. He just hoped he wasn't wrong and that his mother wasn't taking him somewhere else.
“Right, it started a couple of days ago,” he admitted to her. Inko squeezed his hand a bit and quickened her pace, Izuku walking a little faster to keep up with her. It was as if she had some sense of urgency going through her.
“I was afraid of this,” she whispered.
“What is it?”
She shook her head. “I will tell you when we get there,” she said. “That way I can explain it to the both of you.”
Izuku looked at her confused but nodded his head, keeping his head down remaining silent as she walked him furhter down the dark hallways.
“Who goes there?” came the voice of one of the guards posted nearby one of the torches that sat in the room. “No one is permitted here unless appointed by the king.”
“I would think the king would allow the queen to approach?” Inko asked lifting her head up enough. The knight's eyes widened and he knelt down before her, bowing his head.
“Forgive me my queen. I had not known it was you. You are by all means allowed to be here,” he had said. “I shall tell the king-”
“No,” Inko said firmly. “You are forbidden to tell the king that I or my guest is here. Now, you are to open the door to let us in and you are to step away till I call you again. And you are most certainly not allowed to tell the king. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes my queen,” the knight said, rising to his feet and then he quickly turned to unlock the door to the cell behind them.
Inko took Izuku's hand once again and pulled him through the door. She waited for the guard to leave before she approached the chained figure on the wall.
A growl came from the prisoner but once she pulled her hood off he stopped and a heavy sigh of relief came from him.
“Queen Inko. Aren't you a sight for sore eyes,” Katsuki sighed. “Please tell me, how is Izuku? Is he alright?”
“Why not ask him yourself?” she said, pulling down Izuku's hood to show him. Izuku sniffled a bit at the sight of his alpha chained and he rushed to him, wrapping his arms around him. Katsuki let out a sight of releif when he felt his arms around him and started to rub his face against him. But something smelled off about him.
“Izuku, did somethng happen?” he asked. Izuku shook his head, just simply holding onto his alpha tightly as he could.
“He is starting to go through withdrawl from you,” Inko said softly. “It happens to a fully bonded pair if they are seperated for a long amount of time.”
Izuku tighetened his arm around him and Katsuki slowly lowered their bodies down so that they were sitting. With a grunt he pulled on the chains that way he could slide his arms around him. It wasn't the hug he wanted to give him but it was the best he could do.
“I've got you Izuku....I've got you,” he mumbled to him, looking up at Inko confused however. “Withdrawl? Is it dangerous?”
“If for prolonged moments of time, yes it can be,” Inko said, pulling a small wrapped package of bread cheese and a little dred meat out of her large sleeve and passed it to Katsuki. “As we're in this dangerous time I will need to sneak him down here to prevent him from getting worse. If I don't...I fear we may end up losing Izuku. He could become so sick he could...”
She didn't need to say it. Katsuki understood. He had to keep this from happening. He couldn't lose Izuku. But he hadn't even been able to figure out his own situaton. He hadn't been able to figure out how to get out of the mess of the dungeon.
He didn't know when his date was. He didn't know how much longer he had before the king decided to take his life.
He had a sneaking suspicion however. He was sure the king wanted him to feel the pain of losing Izuku as a mate first before he would end him.
“Has that husband of yours started his plans?” he asked, smoothing his fingers through Izuku's hair and looked down at him. He was pale, his freckled cheeks not their usual rosy red and it looked like he hadn't eaten in days.
But now that he was in his arms Izuku looked relaxed and at peace. He was even starting to doze off against the dragon's chest.
“My poor bunny...” Katsuki mumbled softly, rubbing his hand up and down his back slowly, looking up at the queen.
“He has started,” she said. “I am putting a plan together myself however. But I needed Izuku to...be around you for a little while so to speak so he can perform.”
“Perform?” he asked. She shook her head.
“It's not important. I just need him to be more aware than he had been for the past couple of days. He's finally falling asleep. I don't think he really has slept or even eaten since you were taken away from him like that.”
Katsuki kissed the top of Izuku's head, closing his eyes slowly as he tried to think of a solution again. “I don't want to lose him.”
“I know,” Inko said gently. “But we also have to keep you alive. I'm still working on this last part but I will make sure you two will be together.”
Though as she promised this she knew she didn't want to promise it in a grim way. They could be together if they were both to lose their lives.
She was not about to lose her son to that, nor was she about to lose Katsuki who she had taken care of since he was little as well.
Resting her hand on his shoulder she squeezed softly.
“I will not let anything else bad happen to you,” she told him. “That I promise you. I will see to it that you two get the happiness you both deserve.”
Rising to her feet she dusted off the bottom of her gown and let out a small sigh. “Whatever happens it will be fast paced and I will need your cooperation. Can I count on you to give me that Katsuki? No matter what you think?”
Katsuki watched her a moment and then nodded his head. He had to put his trust in her. Even though she had him keep a heavy secret for years, he knew that he had to do this. She was the only way for them to get out of his mess and with one another.
They couldn't stay there he knew that much. The king had too much power in this land. But where did they even go from there?
As if reading his mind she answered his question.
“I have been researching quite a bit about where you might have come from Katsuki. There might be a dragon village out there that can protect the two of you.”
Katsuki paused. To not only be out there to be proteced with the one he loves but also to be with his own kind.
He never knew anyone else that was a dragon hybrid. He believed them to be all gone, that he may have been one of the last ones to ever exist. He never knew his parents or any family. He had been all alone until that day Izuku had nearly fallen off the cliffside.
Though he wouldn't change a thing of what happened in his life. Sure he would have liked to not have been in the situation he was in now but up till then he had been happy. What he wouldnt give to go back in time to that moment again.
“I would very much like to find them,” he said softly and kissed Izuku's forehead slowly. “But your majesty, if you don't mind answering something for me, I am rather curious. The king is your husband. Why help us so much? What we had done was against the crown. I'm close to a common man and Izuku is of royalty. Why push so hard to keep us together?”
Inko smiled softly and knelt down in front of the two of them once more. “When he had first been marked all I had wanted to do was to see my son happy. But over time I came to realize that I wanted both of you to be happy. It ate at me that we had to keep it from him for so long, all the pain I was causing the both of you despite that I had good intentions. This is my way of making it up to the two of you. I will get you out of this alive so you can have a life together.”
Katsuki was silent a moment and slowly a small smile came to his face. It was pretty rare to see one of them on his face towards someone else. Usually those were given to Izuku, but at times even those were far and few between.
“That means a lot to me,” he admitted to her.
“And well...it was an arranged marriage. I don't really feel much for the king,” he said with a frown. “He has not treated myself or Izuku well, especially when he had found out he was not able to use any sort of magic.”
Katsuki frowned, his arms instinctively holding onto him tighter. “Just because of that? That is why he rules his life the way he does?”
“That and because he is the prince and an omega male. It is rare to see an omega as a male. He doesn't see him as the next king, just someone to marry off,” she said with a scowl. “I know Izuku will make a great king some day. He would have you ruling by his side and send out country into the prosperity timed that I imagine.”
“Let's get us through this situation first before we start talking about the future, shall we your majesty?” he said with a small snort.
Inko laughed softly and rose to her feet, holding her arms out for Izuku. Katsuki tightened his hold on his sleeping mate at first but then let out a sigh, holding him out to her. The pain in his eyes nearly broke Inko's heart.
Inko held Izuku against he chest as she held him. It was amazing how a woman so small as she was, was able to hold onto Izuku's body.
“I promise Katsuki, I will see to your happiness. Just hang on a little bit longer for me,” she said to him. Katsuki rose to his feet slowly, the chains smacking together sending shivers through Inko's body. She hated that he was in this state.
“I trust you your majesty,” he said to her. “But please...hurry. I'm not sure how much longer either of us have.”
Inko gave a nod and carried her son from the cell that Katsuki was in. A small noise came from Izuku and she looked down at his face it twised int a bit of discomfort.
“I'm sorry Izuku,” she siad, kissing her sleeping son's forehead. “It won't be long. I promise you that. It won't be that long.”
At least she hoped that it would not be that long. If she hesitated even a moment she could end up ruining it all for the two of them.
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rwmhunt · 4 years ago
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Leviticus, Chapter 25
1. It is fair to say that a poet Doesn't know their audience, When after 3000 years, a poet Doesn't know their audience. And here we've struck against the base Of our own Biblical Mount Sinai, where God, inside of the mountain, Could be locked therein for ever, yet, From an ocean of unconsciousness, hath he Up and telt this 'bunch of stuff' unto Moses-
2. Promises, promises, lo, My sabbaths; remember them? To summarize- whence Heading out of Exodus, Toward the underground city of Fuckinghell, God continues to remind the Israelites, How it were he who has them here, At assay in an escape of Egypt, As they go totalitaring across a plain, The which of is hardly considered In their headlong rush to go slow.
3. Six years sowing of land That you havn't got yet; So god gets Moses to Shovel it into the frontal lobe, Repeating things unto his pals, So sets off an imflammatory cascade, The old Israelites; a retinue, A ruptcy, @chemical riot, And that bunch of other stuff, You know this, but I'm reminding.
4. A seventh is a sabbath year- A sour, sownless, Pruneless kind of a year, You see it here, for Books are about power And bitter in at least two obvious ways- They first reflect the writer’s yearn For the acquisition of it, And then the mimic, With his fangled state therein, Of playing it.
5. Like most of us who are in this, Moses don’t have alot of power And less need to publish the fact- But speaketh of his learned scree- 'You write wrongly glib and varicose; aye, Where such be the matters I chose; As predisposed to distraction bade" He tries, talking withdrawl, In matters of affect- 'Your sentinels have rafted georgic, Whilest the staid remainder are discovered as wizened, and Departing from the liturgy, though heretical, You largely eschew the regular criticisms leveed agin the book.' But no, I didn't understand where this is coming from; to iterate, sometimes It's only a miracle that a meaning shouldst fall out of anything we find to say at all. Then, no gather; give solemn leave for the land Whence voice-bearers dwelt in rest, Yet as you read this, You are entering the prism of My power fantasy, And as I told you, you know this; So the dogmae live loudly in you. Woof.'
6. Connecting all these sentences, It becomes difficult- for thee, As we carry on recounting, As for thy servant, thence, for thy maid, For thy hired hand and for the settler Who, by thy side, sojourns amongst y'all; Where unto, to place the implied “because”? For lo, Power is versatile like that, And says things that send a spider sense a-creeping- So the sabbath of the land shall fall from thy alms as thy alimony, let Words be tools for regulating bodies, And say things that send a spider sense a-creeping-
7.  Twill be a meat-based year For living on thy laurels with- A trope within a spectrum of abusive behaviours Alleged against the rhyzome Are scrutinising the system, where The fad prov'd trite, so I bade glib, Lo! Then terse, or droll, the dearth, I, gauche, give, both brash and stout, That it be I that is trite as it was glib For, wersh, I am not done with it- The rhyzome.
8. Muster seven sabbaths unto thee, Seven sevens be four and nine, see? From here to here, horizontally, The complete ribosomal pattern hath Codage for associative amino permutations, As universally preserved in the life taxa of all Babel, where the such displaces a lot of linear ideas, and, Lo fate, hallowed, Where hallowed is to be, For I warned thee; Go then, living as the rhyzome.
9. And make proclamation with the blast of the horn, For tis the day that it was once, hence, they Differ only in terms of the number of variables present, The coding of existing relations between the variables, And with regard to the presence or absence of an 'eigendynamic', Thus, can therefore be distinguished thither, As according to complexity, Based on these individual characteristics- As was once so it is differently, lo- Tis Yplangenday, and living is the rhyzome.
10. Round the ordinal up to L and proclaim liberty The bell, so thither, you have time's jubilee, Then let there be untethered utter manumission And flights of immigrant fantasy To whence-so-ever they think to have come. And breathless, Leviticus hath inferred That he was working unto A duel purpose- Firstly, his own double, As for control- To take the world and limit it, Or, extend it, unto his own end; And the other is to commune With the old world, the denied world, The general world; and to influence it, After his own.
11. So, la-la, be jubilee, As wild, As heady as happy can once a life, Or twice with once a memory of the other- And the pneuma of animula blows among the manna A numina, where the lord is the longest polymer chain.
12. So it is; then, Go eat the increase out of the field. But here are we levered; For it might be seen that there is a division second That can be put as of two spheres of imagination- Where firstly, there is that which is unbeknownst unto the beholder, and then also that which is consciously constructed, And yet, there is also the kingdom that lieth between, Which is a land of disconcerting paranoia and deviance, And where we must not lay with pneuma, nor numina As among the manna in the morning.
13. Yet lo, There's no point talking about it Unless you can talk about it; unless- Unless you can create enough updraft anyway; Lo! Then talk about it if you can't And I shall listen for what isn't there And look elsewhere for kennings after, And build about your unsaid vestige A most pious desire to expression; That which might uphold my feeling; No, there's no point talking about it Unless you can talk about it.
14. Barter or borrow and, For one damned year, just Don't get deceitful or try to get one over. Blindsided by the partisan nature of corporate consensus That I saw distort through the Furore Mirrors; There are many hands here, unto mine eyes, But, I don't trust the self who works emotional metaphor, So I won't continue to what I'm talking about.
15. Carry on trading way beyond, It's the local TA. Thus resides in per kilowatt hour, But what are we burning? Outside- I think it's a diesel generator; I hear it rumbling through my days Kept in the playground The fumes form long polymers, Amid the upper atmosphere, Clade with agricultural chemicals, They make headway Amidst our every organ; So be our dearest sacrifice.
16. And the market shall rise and fall With the arbitrary number of years, And whence far enough away, Return to your sarcky disposition- So what are we burning? In the tent, There's a wood burner, but, Really, detritus; Mose never minded, So any old when we run short, Mostly plastic bags; Leviticus has a fit When the smoke's building up, Talks about thousands of parts Per million.
17. To be fair, be fair, be fearful, Still me, remember? There was a grate, clarted up, That took of an outflow as from the tent, Of whatever swarf got sluiced, Unto wherever it went; the rest Were ushered up and borne out- So Terpsichore, laden with ashes, Went abroad one day, far enough That the gall and dust would not Be thought as being that of the tabernacle, Whence, dispensed, ashes and Hunks made boon to the earth's Mutable constant.
18. But the bible's broke and lost with the river That flow in serial and, as sevred, the chronicalers gone. Its belief's a decree you shall not leave me among, Nor make its fuzzy undercurent wash, Wherefore, the doing of statutes, The keeping of ordinances as them too; Though I concider, I cannot.
19. Land's a woman that yields So eat and dwell secluded therein. Love is not a symptom of time, Power is- time takes power, takes time. And you implicitly know this, so Don't think about it. Good girl Jade, who be it, That dwell in the land As declare of it a safe space?
20. And if you should be so bold as to wonder What to eat the year there's nothing, Know, that I'm not in a good mood today, Well yeah, you can say that again, so I said I'm not in a good mood today; As in; best not to press me on it, and Yeah, I heard you the first time.
21. Then sat in our suffering, Stuck in this wilderness, Black is the offering; No good for nothing, this, Left with our echo as Cut from our people. Lo, but, I'll give you a bumper crop From the previous year, and Lo! You're massive, gamesmaster. Ok, so, no worries, bonanza time; Brother, I never steer you wrong.
22. And damn it, Keep at the old store, Through the eighth, All the way into the ninth, Til your ship comes in; O Stop collapsing; Well done, men. It is not wise, it is quite unmeasured, to bait divinity With common hands, to scale Sinai, wild at heart, While sporting ultimatums of, Forgive me lord, Or I shall sin and the like- I said bring me the head of Martin Elginbrod.
23. And the land shall not be sold in perpetuity; For the land is Mine; as ye be strangers and settlers unto Me. So his own words, official words and the words of his advocates Hath set off an imflamatory cascade across hours of solid crowds. But not feeling seriously affected by the articles braught against it, He here found some unexpected allies among the Aaronide, Who, on hearing what he was proposing, Got on the blower to Moses too, and the results May be found between the leaves- as With the vertiginous chicanery they built A plutocratic sanctum of the unthinking overvue And with the allowance of themselves there to continue, Undeposed.
24. And lo, the land of our possession, Shall grant a redemption for the land itself, - So then, young people, said Tokata Iron Eyes, - I feel like we have eachother's future back; This is such a third fire that might save of us all. It won't ofcourse, but it's good to try; ...Shall granteth of us our memories; Let it be said that I so arose...
25. O forgotten brother, How came ye  come so waxen poor As to prowleth these leaves, Having pawneth'd off of your possession, With I, as thy kinsman, that is next here unto thee, and Who hath come to redeem thee thy birthright Which ye hath verily, venally squandered? - Lo, for it is that I've been inside, for that I started fires; As I don't know what was wrong with me; I won’t be buccaneering with people’s lives any more, for I've come to agree 'That man should solve every problem that it hath the wit to so recognise.' And Mose rose while yet he held a look as in his eye.
26. For if a man hath no one to so redeem it, and he be waxen rich And findeth of sufficient wit to himself of it redeem; but 'You're talking into a vacuum about an unknown, So it's unlikely to feel definite.' Would you be the vacuum? 'Yes; for that I would, And yet, I am not what I meant- I mean the bit of your mind that doesn't know.'
27. Let him count the years, And restore the overplus, And get him out of hock, By the strange effect of the interaction That ends with the death of an animal; The flicker of even a spider drain, if There was an action to attain the weird, Folding-in unto an unknown metaphysical, As to return to in the everyday, and then, After a while, a bestial satiation, then, Ritual slaughter be your go-to profession- So make thyself mint.
28. And if it don't work out, well Jubilee, and all shall be returned, For that's the thing- if Fate needst me to, It could put me places No questions asked. And the thing with him, And the thing about such an interpretation As for him, is that it shouldst be of one's own- That it wasn’t wrong of Words but rather, that to Interpret was of a fault, And the problem is with your audacity in feeling uncomfortable, But, alas, tis Jubilee, so all of this is as a bridge under the water.
29 . Vicarious is my favourite word, said Leviticus, - The closest living thing to magic; Words themselves are a kind of vicariousness; And he drifted into another republic. So to the ease or otherwise of obtaining wall, if Erotion could walk by herself; it was difficult. Redeem your house for a year In a city, at zero percent and no questions- Always fair and square, aren't they? The begetting of a room advise Gleaned from passing strangers, Jade, why'd you hide your head?
30. And walled cities are a surety in Jubilee, and their tide go not out in perpetuity. There was a guy who used to draw his dreams, Because he believed them to be previsions For a future. He'd go with his opus to the local bank To have it date stamped in a photograph He'd get taken there, beneath the calendar clock. They were, at best, inconclusive, while he wouldst have Lived thither, as among his creations; - I don't know if there's a structural system in the universe; If i am a fractal of greater or lessers in a relative manner.
31. But should I find a rock Who believed a lampost to be a god, Then, verily should I be impressed with that rock; And daresay wouldst I subscribe Unto a new-found regard For the lampost to boot; so aye, All things can be called relative, By which, if you havn't a wall, You're reckoned with the field, And bailiff time be Jubilee; Now, take this learned decree hence, And be away from my townhouse.
32. I keep telling you- I don't have a favourite, And I don't think you believe me, So I keep telling you that I don't have a favourite, But if I did, it would be you, Though I treat you like shit. Oh, but you, here you can appropriate thus- Make manifest destiny through city or plain, And do not swerve for the biome in the rhyzome; That you havn't a head for mandelbrot sets.
33. It's getting technical, and tainted; Lo, forthwith, the rhyzome acknowledges That these claims about the claimants Be unclaimed, And we retract and withdraw the clause And undertake not to make repeat of them, And that means being open, Transparent and respecting The decisions made in this tent, By strangers in secret.
34. So in our submission, when one looks At our learned judge’s direviction, Freedom is an interface, A phantasmic discrepancy- You are doing as you're impelled to do, And you shalln't believe it so, And don't go selling off land.
35. Let anima be the trick That creates the illusion of life, And also that by which To behold it. And if thy brother be waxen without, And his means fall in with thee; Then thou shalt uphold him: As a stranger and a settler, So shall he live among thee. See? All's equal. And by this drystane dyke he Mopeth that fate shouldst be A fickle star, And got on, Uninterested in the plain.
36. Take thou No interest of him either, Ask not - 'Why your god?' Answer not - 'Because it's yours,' Nor - 'And how do you feel The palace of swords wouldst heareth you speak Your truth today?'. Yet there be, still, Within the arc- A falling.
37. Give him no cash Nor victuals against profit; Let him tarry and know Your god is yours alone; Is interstical and Is cut off from all other gods.
38. Else, in thy virtue, how much virtue, Meaneth you your virtue to signal? Me? I saved you, got you this place You havn't got yet; likewise, see? Manifest Destiny fell among the rationale Which led us out of Egypt in the promises, We can but carry it upon our bondsfolk.
39. And here doth he speake Of his mind As alike a torture chamber that hath Gone about something so insane As to totally overwhelm background processors; Thence, pressed into abandon, and A resultant neglect unto the congregation. Each layer, a further latent lexical signifier, And a broader drain on bios, all Ultimately, of it's own derivation, so, You might as well just assume, Where the real answer Is very close To the wrong answer.
40. The book, behoven As logistical playground, Finally spoke its silence, So I take this cardboard box for Some kind of underwater spaceform, As early evidence of animal oblation At the end of the copper age, As serve ye so until Jubilee. Don't be angry with me.
41.Lo, could I do it again And bury the text A full five times deeper yet, Then go out, to my own, And unto, such paternal possession Rest with him and ‘Hmm,' He’d say. - I’ll learn Hebrew, why not?��� and then, -'But I only know of the letters yet.'
42. My servants, as I so rescued ye, So shall ye not be drawn back to slavery Through the study of the methods of history (Historiography) Or the study of historical persons (Historicity) Where, the first few characters are my laws (Halakha) For how to make of a sacrifice, (Qorban) That a standard historical practice, (Ordinal propriety) Differentiating between what happened And what was hearsay is evinced essential, Lo, for as to a poetical artist, the difference is Negligible stroke incommodious, (Unwelcome) and, as Anytime was closer to history than this one, What do you know?
43. Let not some pious forgery Rule o'er your own with a rigor, But fear such a god who, unreasoned, Would teach the people How to eat right and be clean- Denying the biome is within the rhyzome, For, tis naught but an intolerable Bit of shuffling and roguery In the Jerusalem game of the ‘curios. Whence, various colonial archaeologists Would espouse of an erasure That it goes without saying And is thus worth pointing out- Where the particles of rust Were once elementally a part Of the thing which you are oiling, The particles of rust Were once elementally a part Of the thing which you are oiling.
44. Thus, reality, patterned, Might be applied unto, Whereon the actual engaged Behaviour hath gone and is lost; So take the over-arcing Frame, and know, Thither, it is a recreation, And, probably wrong. Then hold for thy merrye bondsmen and bonnymaidswomen, As of whom thou mayest have gained a fancy hereunto; From the nations that are round about thee, Them, shall ye buy of, that they be thy merrye bondmen and maids.
45. Lo, where each of the laws are windows Into the day of their inception, tis Hard to avoid seeing ancient archetypes at work, for- Who shouldst create a law Where there is no need for a law? Moreover, of the children of the strangers That do sojourn amongst you, Go get 'em cheap; tis my land, so your land, Tis usufruct thither, with they as thy possession.
46. And ye may make these folks into hand-me-downs: For them may ye forever take up as your bondsmen and merrymaids; But ever over your brethren, the children of Morningside, Shall ye not rule, as one over another, as with rigor. I'm not seeing the symmetry of central planning here; But lo, for in the game of one-upmanship Thus bade between the Morlocks and Moses; I'd give it to the Olmecs, Then return it to the virus. For the rest, Leviticus decryeth more fraff On how to pink the codes of holiness with examples, So, still I'm rerecounting-
47. In Exodus, God telt Mose how to build the tabernacle As a tent of meaning, Then it was that Leviticus got involved with God's teaching, As Mose blustered about over the lot and set forth his sacrifice From the land over which he cared not a jot, But to extend the part that is virgin and thus, Easily burned, as where, Maybe you left thinking Such be an example of how to priestlilly keep of your offerings, But we're still here, Positing queries to the tabernacle, Of the ways to behave in an uprightly if convoluted manner; And what am I going to do with this story Of a fellow who did all these wonderful things, Sweet hermit, who was a lion,
48. So let it be said, that Moses sacrifices Aaron to God: Leviticus doesn't remember it like that, But this's what is written, thus, will it be brought to happen. And should a strange settler do as you'd do, But to an offshoot of the rhyzome, then Redeem him damn it, you be a branch and brethren; I'm not spilling of what that means. But, Note well what he tells that isn't of story, For, as being without the narrative, So becometh it boring; Except where it's left, Both latent and loaded, With anecdote of sin or else, Suggestion of a fearful violation, As so be set to go off, though not Suchwise, as if left only unto itself- For there be the dispersal of power.
49. And lo, you can ever redeem of yourself with a flip, For poetry is forced, Forced as a rhubarb That I'd rather have, But, de gustibus, no, You shall not take My heart out To dine.
50. And that I shouldn't choose to be The appropriating, racially charged, Misanthrope that I am; which, By dint of a social education, I know, By the pointing out, I'm ok to carry it on, So giveth unto myself the blank slate- As I'm nearly finished anyway.
51. Some reckoning of years tallied by the sevens, As if it, you know; So as not to give him the pleasure... And if that doesn't work, Mathematically, put a fix in. As levity is a sacrifice That relegates the ur-text, So you will understand me; I pretend not To be the inventor Of anything;
But laughter is not so bad.
52. Lo. the corollary- - If I didn't write all this, Then somebody else would, I read, as I read back across it, And my eyes closed, And my head rolled. I've got to stop it.
53. Here watch the usurpation of another, Distastefully, and to yourself. - Sir, you keep your contempt On a high simmer Throughout your every engagement, And turn it up further Wherever you feel opportunity to do so, Whether it should be used thus or else let pass- And done so as to besmirch the other, all because You've the competitive streak that must Be made manifest among such others equally; First to sate, then, take beyond.
54. Otherwise, Jubilee, Else it is up with me on all sides. So it was with Leviticus, Who never said he were a poet, Only that his dreams Meant more to him Than they realistically Should have, and Though he drempt in such a way That he never thought he knew As to where he was, Thus it was always insubstantial, Yet such needst be enough; And that, atleast, he thought he knew.
55. Then find a man Who speaketh of people By their purpose, Himself as his own singer; Whose openness to wisdom Left him always Half an idiot, Where QED is our bible, Where holy might only Fall down to one's discretion, And use its fatal nature To activate the future, as I told you this already. Tis done.
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luvsavos · 4 years ago
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just one kiss, is all i ask for -- raiden x shang tsung
this ship is cute okay shut up. au where shang didnt die in mk9 and he and raiden have had a secret relationship for like, a while. oh also liu and lao didnt die either </3 dont ask how this au works i dont know
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"Shang Ts-"
"Raiden!" Ths overjoyed voice of the sorcerer cuts the Thunder God off, as he runs to his arms and embraces him tightly, in a show of affection, longing, reunion and so much more. Bewildered and pondering eyes lingering suspiciously on the pair, Raiden is much more hesitant in returning the gesture, but Shang nonetheless seems to be pleased either way, nuzzling his face into the crook of the god's arm and almost seeming to melt in his arms--a stoic demeaner immediately turned to delicate, sweet whipped cream; so beautiful and yet so fragile and sweet. Shang's eyes close, and Raiden holds him, so gentle yet so firm--what an angel he seems, such an unassuming frame with that innocent, darling look of contentment upon his face (not that Raiden could forget the true nature of the sorcerer which he holds so close, and yet in times like this is it so easy to forget such a grim truth, albeit not a truth which the sorcerer had full control over).
It's the Shaolin Champion to first speak, to break that moment of bliss; with a rather accusatory tone and sentence--"What is the meaning of this?"
Shang's eye twitches open, immediately revealing within those unassuming hazel depths some sort of malice; a cunning, dark sort of intelligence--and a burning sort of anger at such a brazen question.
"What think you it?" He grumbles, pressing his face closer against Raiden's torso, right side of his face squished against that wonderful soft, yet lusciously thick cloth. "Shao Kahn is dead--we are all free to do as we wish to, yes? Thus I exercise my free will as I so shall please; and you are no one to halt me."
Kang's lip arches in a show of perhaps disgust, or annoyance, or perhaps both. "Yet you were our enemy. What changed?"
"Ha!" The sorcerer laughs, and withdrawls his face from that warm crook he'd so snugly nuzzled into, only to look up at Raiden, one thick eyebrow arched and a plainly amused expression upon his serpentine features. "Care to have your say in this?"
"I would prefer there to be no bickering nor fighting," Raiden simply sighs, allowing his arms to go lax around Tsung's hips. Shang grunts, and presses flush against him, glaring at Liu Kang from the corner of his eye with quite the malicious glint about them.
"Lord Raiden--you yourself stated Shang Tsung is our enemy, and yet now you embrace him?!" Liu Kang shoots back, with the same heated glare aimed right back at Tsung, who simply snickers, the corner of his mouth twitching in the faintest of smug, wicked smirks.
"Perhaps at the time he was, but he is no longer so." Ever the patient one, Raiden's tone stays level and calm, but Shang sighs in annoyance, rolling his eyes as he makes to slip free of that oh so lovely embrace that he could simply get lost in--but Raiden holds him back, earning a grumble from him and a scowl.
"Enemy not by my choice, boy--and were I you, I would watch my tongue; lest it be cut," he bristles at the acclaimed Shaolin Champion in place of whatever he had planned to initially do. Raiden lets out a soft, but audible, huff, and Tsung forces himself to calm, though it takes every fiber of his being to do so and to not simply snap at Kang then.
"You have better things to do than to hound Lord Raiden and I, yes?" Shang chides, "Go, then--complete whatever duties you have. Your presence sickens me."
Liu is quick to react, however a glance from Raiden lulls him to shut his mouth and instead nod and turn, muttering quite heatedly under his breath.
It is no sooner than the Shaolin has left than a complete change of demeanor overcomes the sorcerer--once again does he seem to be an unassuming, gentle fawn; gazing up at Raiden with nothing but gentle softness within those dynamic hazel eyes, and he smiles just slightly.
"I must admit, I didn't think this day would come. Shao Kahn, dead... It seemed impossible; and yet here we are. Thus, are we free."
Raiden nods, and gazes upon that gentle, innocent visage--that which looks it could do no harm and yet he knows perhaps better than anyone just how many it's owner has slaughtered. Yet he does not fear nor despise the man; instead he pities him. "Indeed," he speaks in that resonate, soothing voice that makes Tsung melt. "Despite the odds; we are both here."
The mere concept seems to make Shang giddy, and he bounces on his heels, grinning as he does. "I missed this. Us. I miss the taste of your lips. May I remember the gentleness?"
Raiden appears uncertain at the offer. "Shang... You are aware that I much prefer to limit such to privacy."
"Yet we can embrace in front of your beloved champion?" Tsung protests, a hand snaking up to rest on the side of the god's neck (not as if he would be able to reach any higher--he is a great deal shorter than Raiden himself). Raiden sighs, perhaps for a moment considering relenting before yet again persisting.
"If we were to be seen--"
"A single kiss, that is all I ask for," Shang whines, giving Raiden a pleading look, and Raiden's resolve breaks in that moment with the pitiful, pleading look which the sorcerer had given.
"Very well," so he sighs, "but only one k-"
He cannot even finish before Shang has tugged him down, and crashed his own lips against his; squeezing his eyes shut and cupping Raiden's face as though if he did not touch him he would simply disappear--or perhaps as though it is all but a myth, an illusion. Raiden finds himself surprised at Tsung's boldness, but carefully after a moment does he slip a hand back around the small human's waist--the other hand coming to rest carefully upon the back of his neck.
Perhaps one kiss was not so bad after all.
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imagine-loki · 6 years ago
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The Witch's Familiar
TITLE: The Witch’s Familiar CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 11/? AUTHOR: nekoamamori ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine getting so attached to Lokitty early on that you insist on carrying him just about everywhere.  RATING: T (so far) NOTES/WARNINGS: Also on AO3 Click here
    You made pancakes the next morning just to see the look of delight on Loki’s face when he came down for breakfast. It was well worth it, despite that you’d had to get up early to make a fancy breakfast on a school day.
    “Morning, Lokitty,” you greeted him warmly when you saw him get off of the elevator. He headed your way when he heard you voice.
    “Good morning,” he replied a little reserved, a little shy. If Stark hadn’t continue to tease him all the time he might have warmed up more quickly in the mornings. But you two were alone right now, and once he realized it, he relaxed. You handed Loki a plate with a huge stack of pancakes when he came into the kitchen. He grinned in delight.
    “Syrup is on the table,” you told him.
    “Thank you, Lady,” he replied still too formal.
    “You’re being awfully formal this morning,” you called him on it. It may not have been the nicest thing to do, but you worried about him. Suddenly being human again after months of being a cat much have been hard. Plus you cared about him. “Is everything ok?” you added as you brought your own plate of pancakes into the dining room. He had chosen the chair across from your usual one.
    “I just did not sleep well,” he lied. You let him keep the lie, though and didn’t pry. You didn’t want to scare him away, but you did have to ask.
    “Do you want to turn back?” you asked him softly.
    He sighed. “Some days more than anything,” he admitted softly, hesitantly. “It was nice to be accepted, but the time for hiding from my problems is over. Though if Stark calls me a ‘puddy-tat’ one more time…” he growled.
    You laughed at that, he glared at you. “Leave Stark to me. If he does it again, I’ll teach him a lesson,” you promised.
    He raised an eyebrow. “You would do that for me?”
    “Of course. You’re my friend and no one hurts my friends. Though I know you are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself. There are sometimes more diplomatic means of solving problems than stabbing people or defenestrating them,” you teased.
    He inclined his head with a hint of a smile. “So I have been told,”
    “Hey Puddy-tat, Sabrina,” Tony teased the second he walked into the room. You were on your feet with your wand pointed directly at Tony’s nose a moment later. Loki’s withdrawl into himself broke your heart. “Kid, it was a joke!” he protested, hands up.
    “Stark, you have got to learn to stop making fun of people all the time,” you snarled at him. The others were coming into the room too. “Loki wouldn’t change back for months because he was afraid of not being accepted by you lot. I’ve told you that the cat-ears are a side effect of staying in that form for so long. You see that the teasing upsets him, how is he ever going to feel accepted if you keep tormenting him?” you demanded. Tony spluttered more apologies. “So all of you are going to learn to be a little more openminded and accepting,” you growled. A complex spell later and everyone in the room had cat-ears and a tail.
    Loki was roaring in laughter as everyone spluttered and their tails puffed up in anger.
    “Undo it!” Tony whined.
    “No,” you replied firmly.
    “I have business meetings today!” He protested, horrified.
    “Don’t piss off the witch next time,” you replied pleasantly. You turned to Loki. “I have to go to the magic school. Mind giving me a lift?” you shouldn’t have done that spell, you were still low from the battle and stupidly fast healing. You could make it, but didn’t want to be drained when you got there.
    He gave you a look. “Are you sure you should be going?” he asked as he stood and vanished your plates.
    “Yes, I’m sure. Do you want to come with me or not?” you asked. He hesitated and a hand automatically went up to one of the cat-ears on his head. You rolled your eyes. “We’re going to magic school, cat-ears are among the least weird things that are seen there. Hell, one of the professors wears them all the time because she’s a weeb and loves them,”
    “What is a weeb?” Loki asked as he used magic to change from his casual tunic and black pants to a perfectly tailored all black suit and the sleeved professor’s cloak over top of it.
    “Someone who likes Japanese cartoons too much,” you explained as you looked over his outfit and physique appreciatively.
    “You are sure they will not mind my presence?” he asked hesitantly.
    “Besides every female swooning at how attractive you are? No, they won’t mind. Again, there are way weirder things that have happened at magic school than a guest lecture from an Asgardian god,”
    He smirked. “You think I am attractive?” he teased.
    You rolled your eyes. “Of course, you silly ball of mischief,” you teased right back as you stepped around him and up onto air “But you’re missing something,” You reached up and began brushing his hair back. You were tempted to never stop because he closed his eyes and started purring when you started, but you had a class to teach. You tied his hair back in a simple queue. “You don’t want to look too much like Professor Snape, though don’t worry, you’re 1000x hotter than him,” you informed him when you were done.
    “Who?”
    “How have I not made you watch Harry Potter yet? We’re fixing that tonight. You’ll love it!” you enthused at him. He smiled at your open enthusiasm and agreed to whatever ‘watching Harry Potter’ entailed, just so you kept smiling.
    “Undo this spell!” Tony whined again. Thor was busy shoving pancakes in his face, ignoring being shapeshifted again. It was just such a common occurrence in his life that he just shrugged at what amounted to mischief from Loki and moved on. Nat was preening over her gorgeous red cat-ears. Clint was leaping up onto tall objects and was excited he could do it more easily. Cap was just…confused.
    “Shall we?” Loki asked, offering you a hand, palm up, completely ignoring Tony.
    “Don’t forget we have to arrive outside of the shields,” you reminded him. He inclined his head and you placed your hand in his, or would have, except that he moved to hold you securely to his side.
    “Physical contact is necessary for teleportation,” he explained with a smirk. Holding his hand would have been plenty and you both knew it.
    “Of course,” you replied and wrapped your arms around his waist, just in case. His smirk widened.
    “UNDO THIS SPELL!” Tony’s roar followed you as you disappeared from the tower.
    You reappeared right outside the shield of the school. “Thanks for the lift,” you told Loki as you slipped out from his arm. You did have to maintain some air of professionalism around the students.
    “Anytime,” Loki replied and offered you his arm in escort instead. You placed your hand lightly on his offered arm and walked with him into the school. Unfortunately, the headmistress was standing just inside the shield.
    “Headmistress,” you greeted her with a nod. “This is-”
    “The cat who has been coming with you for months. About time he turned back,” she replied with a smirk. She’d known who Lokitty was since you brought the cat. You’d had to get permission, but she had said he was welcome to help out as long as he didn’t cause too much trouble. “I know who you are, Trickster,”
    “It is a pleasure to meet you properly, Headmistress,” Loki replied with a formal elegant bow. She nodded in reply and gestured you both inside.
    “Are they staring because of the ears?” Loki asked as you walked with him to class.
    “They probably don’t help, but you’re also Loki of Asgard, and you’re amassing an army of fangirls,” you indicated the female students who were obviously smitten. “Best stay close so they don’t start throwing themselves at you,” you teased.
    “What a horrible fate that would be,” he agreed, but edged closer to you as you walked, betraying that he wasn’t quite teasing.
    “Lokitty, it’ll be fine,” you told him firmly.
    “I know, I just…dislike women throwing themselves at me for my looks alone,” he replied softly.
    “Trust me?” you asked him. He inclined his head. You stood up on your toes to kiss his cheek. He flushed slightly and the girls in the crowd whined and swooned a little, but gave up, for now. “That should keep them at bay for a little while,” you told him. “Sorry for being forward…” you added quickly.
    “Nonsense, darling,” he replied warmly. “Besides, you have been my friend for months, even when I did not deserve it,”
    “Stop that, Lokitty, everyone deserves a friend and everyone deserves a second chance,” you reminded him as you opened the classroom door. Most of the class was already there, so you went straight into teacher mode. “Good morning!” you greeted them brightly, slipping your hand off of Loki’s arm. He swiftly took your hand and bowed over it, kissing your knuckles lightly. So much for going straight into teacher mode as your heart fluttered at the romance.
    “Is that….Lokitty?” one of the kids asked when Loki rose from his bow over your hand.
    “In a manner of speaking,” you told them. The bell rang for class to start, so you began with the obvious. “This is Loki of Asgard, Master Magician, god of mischief, chaos, and lies, Son of Laufey, Adopted Son of Odin, Brother of Thor, and yes, the black cat who has been keeping me company for the last few months. Make sure to be polite to Professor Loki, just like you would any other professor,” you warned them. You didn’t want them asking him about New York or teasing him for being a cat. You also weren’t entirely sure if Loki wanted to go by Odinson or Laufeyson, so for today he could be Professor Loki and correct them later if it was an issue. Loki was perched cat-like on the edge of your desk, waiting patiently for the kids to gather their courage and get the inevitable questions out of the way.
    “Professor Loki, sir?” one brave student finally spoke up. Loki inclined his head to accept the question. “Are the cat-ears a personal choice like Professor Nakayama’s?” he asked.
    Loki turned to you. “The weeb I was telling you about,” you explained quickly. He nodded, accepting your explanation.
    “No, they are not a personal choice,” he finally replied to the student.
    “Then why-?”
    You stepped in before Loki could get annoyed. “You tell me, we covered this the last time I taught,”
    A hand rose and the speaker answered before you could call on her. “He stayed too long in animal form without changing back,” she answered matter-of-factly. You nodded.
    “Yes, Jean,”
    “Is he going to be stuck forever?” someone else asked.
    “No, not forever, it will just take time,”
    “Did you really get blown up?” one of the kids asked you. You sighed, apparently you weren’t going to teach these kids anything today.
    “Yes, I did. I do not recommend it,” you replied sourly. “Cool as explosions look on TV, I did nearly die, and would have had Loki not intervened, so don’t go purposely playing with explosions,”
    “But why work with the Avengers if you’re risking your life?” one of the kids asked.
    “Because the work we do is important. We keep the world safe. It’s not a job for everyone, or very many of us. In short, to quote Thor: Because that’s what heroes do,” you finished with a smile to the impressed-looking kids. “Now, for the actual lesson,” you told them firmly and began to cover the material you were actually supposed to be covering that day.
    When you got to the practical portion of the lesson, you expected Loki to continue sitting and watching the students, instead, he made his way around the room, starting on the opposite side of the class as you and helping the students. He was so patient and kind with them and was surprisingly a great teacher. It wasn’t something you had expected of him. He had a no-nonsense air about him that meant the kids didn’t try anything on him.
    In fact, it seemed like the perfect job for him.
    “Thank you Professor Loki,” some of the students he had helped went out of their way to thank him on their way out of the classroom when the lesson was over. He looked touched by the effort.
    “Good job with them. Magic students can be difficult,” you told him once all of the students were gone. He preened under the praise and you automatically scratched behind one of his cat ears. “That was the only class I had to teach today, but I have some work to do downstairs. You’re welcome to hang out here or in the library unless you want to come help me brew potions,”
    “I can help you,” he replied and opened the classroom door again, bowing you through it. You smiled at his overly romantic gesture and walked with him, your hand on his arm, down to the dungeons where the potion rooms were, chatting about small things, namely laughing at Tony’s ridiculous behavior this morning at suddenly having cat ears.
    You found an empty potions lab and entered, closing and locking the door once Loki was inside with you. You didn’t want to be interrupted. You summoned a couple of potion books to set on one of the tables. You flipped through one until you found the potion you were looking for. “You should be able to handle this one. It doesn’t require any wand work,” you told him and slid the book across the table to him.
    “Why are we working here?” Loki asked, looking over the potion.
    “I need to restock the potions at the tower. The magic school as better cauldrons and supplies. Plus we won’t be interrupted by Tony. They don’t mind if I use their equipment and supplies as long as I leave a couple vials of everything for the school to use. We’ll save the emergencies only potion until the end. I’ll need your help for it,” you added while you flipped through more potion books and marking the ones you intended to make today.
    You stood and stripped off your teacher’s cloak and laid it over the desk. You tied up your hair quickly and removed your outer shirt so you were down to a tank top. You really didn’t want sleeves or your hair getting in the way of potion brewing. You had learned that lesson the hard way before.
    You caught a glimpse of Loki moving and couldn’t help watching as he slipped his cloak off and laid it gently on a table, followed by the suit jacket. He carefully loosened his tie and it was soon on the pile with the rest, before his long fingers carefully undid the cuff links on his shirt and rolled up his sleeves with the practiced movements of a man used to wearing formalwear. He smirked when he caught you watching. Men in formalwear were… well… hot. A man in formalwear who knew how to wear it properly, even more so. Damn Trickster knew it too. He could have used magic, but had purposely chosen not to so you’d watch. Damn Trickster. Much as he claimed he didn’t want women throwing themselves at him for his looks, he seemed pretty pleased that you were appreciating the view. You were also polite enough not to comment on it. You also noted that his eyes caught on your tank top, so it seemed the view was appreciated on both sides.
    You got to work in companionable silence after you’d shown Loki where all of the ingredients were kept. While potions weren’t a huge form of magic on Asgard, Loki was meticulous and careful and didn’t have any troubles with the potions you set him to work on.
    “Thanks for helping. This would have taken me all day otherwise,” you told him as you worked on the last solo potion. You had cauldrons cooling all over the lab.
    “It was no problem at all, darling. It was actually fun,”
    “Well, you’re good at it. We’ll have to get you a wand at some point,” you teased. He rolled his eyes.
    “I have no need of a wand. I am a Master Magician after all,” he grumbled about wands being training tools at best.
    You laughed. “I use one,” you reminded him as you pulled your wand from the bun at the back of your head where you’d shoved it when you weren’t using it.
    “Sometimes you use one,” he corrected. “And Midgardian magic is different,” he added quickly before you could get offended at him questioning your skills.
    “Valid point. They’re not required for all magic on Midgard, but definitely help with focus,”
    “Is it going to hurt the potions if I speed the cooling process along? We are running out of space in here,” Loki asked once your last potion was done. You were surrounded by hot cauldrons and standing nearly on top of Loki since that was all the room you had left. You shook your head.
    “No, it won’t hurt them.”
    He nodded, picked up his cloak, and settled it over your shoulders. It had a warming spell on it, you noted. “It is going to get quite cold in here,” he warned as he made sure you were wrapped firmly in his cloak. He held his hands in front of him and they glowed green as he worked. His skin turned blue as the room’s temperature dropped and dropped. He looked at you nervously while he worked, but besides you shivering in his cloak, you were nothing but accepting. He raised an eyebrow.
    You shrugged. “You’re Jotun,” you replied simply. You knew that already and had studied the Jotuns before when you were a student. You weren’t surprised that Loki had a Jotun form or the cold brought it out.
    “A monster,” Loki said sadly.
    “Hardly. The frost giants are descendants of the first giant Ymir. They are susceptible to heat and have strong ice magic. They generally live in Jotunheim, a land of ice, but they can exist in other realms. Off of their homeworld, they tend to shrink in size to that of, slightly taller than usual humans,” you gestured to Loki as a good example. “They were a war-centric people until the treaty with Odin. Since the treaty, they have been a fairly peaceful nation and are no more monstrous than any other civilization,” you recited. Loki just stared at you.
    “How-?”
    “I had to study a lot of different…species for lack of a better word… of aliens when I was growing up. Thor mentioned that your biological parents were Jotuns. I figured you had a Jotun form too, so I’m not exactly surprised,” you explained. You turned to check the potions. “They’re cool enough to bottle now,” you added, shivering. Loki nodded and ended his magic, his skin turned back to normal almost immediately. You started to slip off his cloak to help bottle potions, but he glared at you.
    “It is still way too cold in here for little witches to be wearing nothing but whatever that lovely garment is that has no sleeves,” he told you firmly. He was right, you could still see your breath, so you carefully rolled the sleeves up above your hands and got to work bottling and trying to be careful not to get anything on his cloak.
    “It’s called a tank top,” you told Loki and stuck your tongue out at him.
    “Ah, a wonderful creation by Midgardian seamstresses,” he teased and you laughed.
    Once all of the potions were bottled and the room was a normal temperature again, you slipped off Loki’s cloak and got to work on the emergency’s only potion. It was the hardest potion you ever made and you needed Loki’s help and a couple of barely legal time spells to get it done. Loki worked so well with you it was amazing. He seemed to always be where you needed him with whatever ingredient or magic ready and he didn’t mind even the boring task of stirring the cauldron while you worked.
    Loki cooled the potion as soon as it was done and you bottled it, leaving two vials behind with the rest of your contributions. You vanished one back to its spot in the medical room at the tower and sent the rest of the vials of all of the potions to your room to sort through later, except for one vial of the emergency potion. You handed it to Loki. “Just in case,” you told him. He nodded and the vial vanished.
    “I hope I shall never have to use it,” he replied. You were standing too close, directly in front of him, looking up into his eyes.
    “Me too, but I’m glad you have it, just in case,” you told him softly. It was reassuring knowing that he had a vial of that particular potion. He tucked a stray lock of hair behind your ear, leaning down just a little, his hand still on the back of your neck.
    “I am too, little witch,” his voice was warm and he quite possibly would have leaned down further for a kiss, had you both not caught the sight of the ton of high schoolers standing outside of the lab staring through the big window with open mouths.
    You jumped away from him as if shocked and opened the lab door, glaring at the students. “If I see anyone in this corridor thirty seconds from now you’re getting detention for the next month!” you yelled into the crowd. They fled. “Students,” you sighed exasperated as you turned back into the room. Loki was fully-dressed again and held your shirt out to you. You slipped it back on, still with the tint of flush from the almost-kiss.
    “Are you ready to return to the tower?” Loki asked when your cloak was back on. You left the vials for the school clearly labelled in one of the cabinets.
    “I need to stop by the sanctum on the way home. Do you mind?” you hated asking him to use power, but you were trying to conserve yours for another day or so.
    “Not at all,” he replied and offered you his arm.
    The second you were outside of the school shields you disappeared and reappeared on the top step of the sanctum. You opened the door without knocking. “Hi Strange!” you announced as you walked in.
    “What is that?” Doctor Strange demanded, staring at Loki, who glared, his tail puffing up. He didn’t appreciate being called a ‘that’.
    “A cat?” you tried innocently. Strange just glared.
    “Your cat was an Asgardian?!?” Strange demanded. You giggled and even Loki laughed.
    “Yes, the cat was Loki,” you saw the circle of gold appear under Loki’s feet and glared at Strange. “Stop that. He’s not going to cause any trouble. He’s been here how many times in the last few months. I just need to get a book and I’ll be out of your hair,”
    “And you’ll take your not-a-cat with you, promptly?” Strange demanded, wanting Loki out of his sanctum. Loki could be trouble when he felt like it. Right now he was having fun annoying Strange just by his presence. You nodded. Strange sighed. “Which book?”
    “Thermador’s Treaties on Magical Dynamics,” you replied. A second later the book was in your arms. “Thank you. Come on, Lokitty, let’s go home,” you waved to Strange, took Loki’s arm, and still chuckling, Loki teleported you from the sanctum back to the living room of the tower.
    You were both tired from the long day of brewing potions. So you sat on the couch to relax for a minute.
    Just to relax for a minute.
    Purely to relax for a single minute.
    Just
    A
    Minute
    …
88 notes · View notes
thatoneshadyshop · 7 years ago
Text
27th of Sun’s Dusk, 2E 581
Tis a relief that thus far, Fayrl nor any of the other Dunmer has given the Khajiit chance to claim offence. The Dunmer have, one admits, surpassed one’s expectations. Fayrl in particular seems mindful of what he is doing, and seems to have quickly grasped the peculiarities of, for example, mealtimes among the Clan. 
One can only surmise that Fayrl perhaps is taking his task to befriend the Khajiit more seriously than one would have thought. A surprise which reminds one of one’s own cause to be on this expedition. One had been working under the assumption that one would have to do very little to ensure the failure of the Dunmer to impress any of the Clans with offers of friendship. One rather thought his general oafishness and smug demeanour would be enough to alienate the Khajiit. That he is proving more adept at navigating their culture than one would have thought rather puts paid to that original notion, and means one must entertain the idea of having to actively work to undermine his efforts. A notion which brings a rather uncomfortable taste to one’s mouth. For all that Fayrl remains an insufferable fool with delusions as to the quality of his voice, shared events on our journey South thus far have made it somewhat more difficult to disregard him entirely. One may enjoy the chance to push him off the podium he places himself, true, yet to set out to alienate him in a hostile and foreign country? Tis the service that Her Radiant Majesty demands of one, and so one will comply, of course. Tis... merely that it will be done less gladly than it might have been done but a few weeks earlier.
Not that one has any time to truly think through how best to act, in any case. When one is not being asked to lend magical strength to the Clan’s chores and tasks, one is being followed around by a group of Ja’Kahjiit who seem to believe that one is the best thing to happen to their Clan since the summer rains. A sentiment one does not entirely disagree with. Regardless. Led on by Ma’Riahni, who seems to have gotten over her initial aloofness, the Clan’s children seem to find it a highly amusing game to follow one and ask one questions - the answers to which inevitably set them off into peals of laughter and giddy exuberance. Tis quite frankly a nuisance, so many small Khajiit underfoot. One supposes there is a certain amusement to be taken from hearing their own tongue from a stranger’s lips, but truly, tis hardly as if one is reeling off a litany of jokes for their amusements. 
One supposes this better that the children follow one rather than turn their attentions towards the Argonians, however. Since her ... transgression in Bravil, Speaks-Too-Soon can scarce go to the privy without her lover stuck to her side. A sensible precaution, given the abundance of moon-sugar among the Khajiit. Tis not the same as skooma, yet there is similarity enough to give pause for thought. It can only be a matter of time before withdrawl rears its’ head again, and it will hardly endear us unto our hosts to allow an unbalanced and overly burly Argonian brute to rampage within their camp. One shall have to take up the matter with Fayrl, and hope that whatever concoction he is using to keep Denu biddable may also work upon our Argonian companion.
Tis a good thing he is keeping Denu biddable. The twists and turns of the path through the ruins that the Clan Mother is leading the Clan down would provide ample opportunity for skulduggery. Something one thinks it best to avoid, less the Khajiit turn against us. Something we must be keen to avoid, especially now as we approach the border, and given the secret paths the Clan is following. One knows, of course, that Clan Mothers learn secret ways and hold them close in memory against all others, yet tis still impressive to see the surety with which this Clan Mother leads her family through ruins and crevasses; impressive again to see how completely the Clan trust her, following her with complete faith in her memory.
Tis as Qau’Dar is so often saying, perhaps. The Clan Mother, she is wise, yes?
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tkatsumi06j · 7 years ago
Link
(OBN Tokyo) The photo copy of the note from the now privately incorporated Japan Post Bank Co., Ltd. indicated the reason for the freeze as follows:
June 1, 2017 Japan Post Bank Co., Ltd.
Notice: Execution of actions to terminate transaction and other actions concerning your accounts
You are hereby notified that your accounts as indicated below have been terminated per our internal banking rules*.
* Per Article 14 of  Normal Savings Account Rules, Article 13 of Savings Account Rules, Article 29 Transfer Account Rules.
The above rules establish that “account that is or has the potential of being used in acts against laws and/or public order and morals” may be terminated.
Note:
Termination Date: May 31, 2017
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緊急事態です。いよいよガチの言論弾圧です。
“This is suppression of press freedom in the flesh. A state of emergency,” he wrote in his blog.
昨年8月に高江に飛んでから10か月間、マスメディアには伝えられない生々しい情報を届けようと、独立メディア、ポスト・ジャーナリズムとして踏ん張ってきた、この大袈裟通信の受信料、カンパ窓口の口座が凍結されました。
“As an independent media pursuing post-journalism reporting, I’ve been flying to Takae [*] since last August for about ten months, trying to tell the in-the-flesh live stories that no conventional mass media can report. My bank account, where all the voluntary contributions and subscription fees to my "Oogesa Tsushin (大袈裟通信) ” are saved, have been frozen,“ he wrote.
郵便局で通帳が吸い込まれ、警備員に囲まれました。
"At the post office, my bank book was swallowed into the ATM and I was surrounded by the security guards,” he recollects the moment of the siege.
「法令や公序良俗に反する行為に利用され又はそのおそれがあると認められる」 一体、どういう根拠でしょうか?????????
The notice from the bank read, "is or has the potential of being used in acts against laws and/or public order and morals ..."
On what grounds ?????????” he exclaimed.
当方、何ひとつ違法行為は行っておりません。 最悪の場合、口座にあった全額が没収になるとのことです、、、この口座には、受信料カンパ以外にも、仕事のギャラなどが入っておりました。まったく身動きの取れない状態になりました。
“I have done no act against the law whatsoever. If worse comes to worst, all my savings money may be entirely confiscated… This account was not only for voluntary contributions and subscription fees but also for my salary payments. Now I can do practically nothing.”
But he is still determined to continue the fight.
いよいよ言論弾圧の矛先が自分に向かってきたことを身を以って感じています。6年間社会運動に関わってきた先輩が、こんな事態は初めてだと言っています。暴力団関係者以外で、口座が凍結された初めてのケースではないかと、、、
“Now I am really feeling in my guts that I’ve been targeted for suppression of my press freedom. Even my mentor who’ve been active in the social front for six years says this is unprecedented. He thinks it may be the first case where a person not involved in Boryokudan (暴力団) or Japan's organized crime syndicate has had one’s account being frozen.”
He then went on to say that this attack has nothing to do with the so-called Neto-Uyo (ネトウヨ)” or the online pseudo right.
どうやらネット右翼の嫌がらせとは、関係が無いとのことです。権力のおそろしさに打ち震えていますが、絶対泣き寝入りはしません。全額取り戻します。
“I hear this attack has nothing to do with the Neto-Uyo’s. I’m trembling with fear against what power can do to you,” he says, “But I will never give in. I’ll get every penny of my money back.”
He then warned what the new conspiracy law, which is being debated in the Upper House of the National Diet (already approved in the Lower House and is presumed to pass the Upper House as well with overwhelming majority) as we speak, may mean to the Japanese people.
心底、今のこの国は腐っています。共謀罪が成立する前に、すでにこんな国になっています。共謀罪が成立したら一体、どんな国になるか、その危険性をみんなで共有してほしいと思います。
“This country is really rotten to the core. Even before we have the kyobozai (共謀罪) or conspiracy law in place, this happens. So what would happen if it IS in place? What would our country become? I want everybody to share this thought with sense of urgency.”
But then he also refuses to go down without a smile.
こんな時こそ、愛とユーモアを忘れずにやっていこう!と高江の石原さん夫妻からも励ましてもらいました。
“This is the time when love and humor should not be forgotten!” he recalls what a couple close to him in Takae has said to him.
沖縄から全国から、たくさんの仲間たちが、チカラになって支えてくれています。どうにか、倒れずにやっていけそうです。
“Many people from Okinawa and the whole nation are supporting me, giving me the strength to persevere. So it seems like I can hang on for a while, without falling.”
He then ends his blog with a note of determination.
ひとりの小さな市民として、駆け出しのジャーナリストとして、巨大な権力が個人の尊厳を生活を握り潰そうとする、消し去ろうとする、この問題を可視化しようと思います。おれ、負けないす。
“As a one small citizen, a fledgling journalist, I will make this known to everyone, that a powerful force is trying to deprive and obliterate an individual of his dignity and his well-being. I will make it known. I will not lose this fight.”
明日、弁護士や関係各所にアプローチします。
He said he will contact his lawyers and others to seek support.
今、書ける限界はここまでです。
That was the end of his blog entry.
(UFJはクラスター爆弾の製造に関わっているそうで、心苦しいですが、背に腹は変えられない状況です。)
His alternate bank account at MUFG, however remains alive. He doesn’t condone that MUFG is financing the development of cluster bombs, “but in this case, necessity knows no law (背に腹は替えられない)”, he concedes.
You can still support his independent journalism by depositing to this MUFG account:
Bank of Tokyo-Mitsubishi UFJ (BTMU)
Account No: 0004738
Account Name: Inomata Tougo
[*] A small settlement in the villa of Higashi in northern Okinawa where helipads are being built for MV-22 Ospreys amid fierce local dissent. Local dissent includes the Okinawa Governor but the National Supreme Court has ruled in favor of the national government which adamantly seeks to uphold the bilateral accord with the United States government to build the helipads. Since and before the resumption of the construction work, the national government has employed brute police force mobilizing not only locally but nationally.
See Ryukyu Shimpo or Japan Times (Okinawa Times reports included)  for details on recent development on the struggle or people of Okinawa. NGOs have been filing statements to the Human Rights Council on the ongoing widespread human rights abuses in Okinawa.
[FOLLOW-UP] Bank freeze lifted by owner's request, no clear explanation given -  June 7, 2017
According to Tanaka Ryusaku Journal (田中龍作ジャーナル), the Japan Post Bank has lifted the freeze due to request from the account owner Oogesa Taro (Inomata Tougo) himself. Taro found out that the account was frozen a week ago but he was not aware of it because he did not visit the bank during the last week. He discovered the account was frozen yesterday, on June 6.
According to the Journal, on the next day on June 7, Taro called the contact that was indicated in the notice; Financial Crime Section at the Japan Post Bank  Tokyo Savings Operating Center ( ゆうちょ銀行・東京貯金事務センター金融犯罪対応課).
Their response was as follows:
 「詳細は申し上げられないが、入金出金がひんぱんにある。詐欺に使われている疑いがあり、あなたを不利益から守るため(口座を)凍結しました」。
"We cannot give out the details, but we noticed that there were frequent inbound and deposits and withdrawals. Because we suspected it may be used for fraud, we froze it (the account) to protect your interests."
Now this explanation does not compute. The Journal agrees.
とんでもない。大袈裟さんの口座からの出金は月に2~3回。入金はカンパとギャラの振り込みで月15回くらい。それも1回につき1,000~2,000円だ。
No way. Withdrawls from Oogesa-san's acount is about two to three times a month. Deposits are like 15 per month, including voluntary contributions and salary. And the contributions are in average like 1,000 - 2,000 yen (USD9-18).
金融犯罪に詳しい弁護士は「凍結しなければならない事情がない」と首を傾げる。数百万~数千万円単位で入金があって、すぐに引き出す・・・詐欺だったらそうなっているはずだ。
So it isn't an amount that needs to be frozen. Far from it. A financial crimes lawyer concedes that there is no" justifiable reason for the freeze," unless it involves millions of yen and that withdrawals are made instantly.
According to the Journal, on the same day of this phone conversation, Taro called the section again to seek further explanation.
 納得がいかない大袈裟さんが同日正午過ぎに再び、ゆうちょ銀行に電話すると「身分証明書と通帳を持って近くの郵便局まで行くように」と告げられた。その通りにすると凍結は解除された。丸7日間の凍結だった。
Surprisingly, what the postal bank offered was to bring identification and the bankbook to the nearest post office. Once he did that, the freeze was instantly lifted.
The Journal's journalist Tanaka called up the Japan Post for further explanation. Their answer was too simple:
「総合的に判断した」
"That was our overall assessment."
According to the Journal, rumors are abound (and they actually take credit of it) that the Neto-Uyos have reported on the account's allegedly suspicious activity and that the bank responded.
 なぜ大袈裟さんの口座は凍結されたのか。沖縄の反基地運動を敵視するネトウヨの通報説が根強い。
 ネトウヨは「ゆうちょ銀行がやっと動きだしました」と成果を自慢していた。
 といっても世界最大級の金融機関であるゆうちょ銀行がネトウヨの通報で、顧客の口座を凍結したりするはずがない。
That still does not make sense, because the bank will make its own judgement of the financial activities of any account. They will not (shall not) base their decision to freeze a customer's account on groundless accusations.
Then why did they do it? And what made them convinced to lift the freeze in an instance once the owner showed up to one of their branches?
The bank's notice made reference to three internal rules that in their view was infringed upon by the alleged unlawful or immoral activities of Taro's account. They were Article 14 of  Normal Account Rules, Article 13 of Savings Accounts Rules, and Article 29 Transfer Account Rules.
The rules can be found on their official website.
All of them are listed by category and can be downloaded.
However, the corresponding provisions appeared somewhat peculiar to justify the bank's cause for freezing Taro's account: "account is determined that it is or has the potential of being used in acts against laws and/or public order and morals”.
通常貯金規定 Normal Account Rules
Article 14 (4)3
If either one of the below applies, the Bank may suspend the account in question or with due notice a complete repayment of the entire amount in the account may be effected. In the case of complete repayment with due notice, the complete repayment shall deemed complete the moment the notice from the Bank is sent out to the name and address of the Addressee with the said notice regardless of the arrival or non-arrival of the said notice.
(4 )次の一にでも該当した場合には、当行は、この貯金の取扱いを停止し又は預金者に通知することによりこの貯金の全部払戻しをすることがあります。なお、通知により貯金の全部払戻しをする場合、当該通知の到達のいかんにかかわらず、当行が全部払戻しの通知を届出のあった氏名及び住所にあてて発した時に全部払戻しがされたものとします。
通常貯蓄貯金規定 Savings Account Rules
Article 13(4)3
(4) 次の一にでも該当した場合には、当行は、この貯金の取扱いを停止し又は預金者に通知することによりこの貯金の全部払戻しをすることがあります。なお、通知により貯金の全部払戻しをする場合、当該通知の到達のいかんにかかわらず、当行が全部払戻しの通知を届出のあった氏名及び住所にあてて発した時に全部払戻しがされたものとします。
SAME STATEMENT
振替貯金口座規定 Transfer Account Rules
Article 29(4)3
If either one of the below applies, the Bank may terminate the account in question or with due notice to the Owner terminate the said account. In the case of termination with due notice, the termination shall deemed as effected and the said transfer account shall be closed the moment the notice from the Bank is sent out to the name and address of the Owner with the said notice regardless of the arrival or non-arrival of the said notice. If the transfer account retains a remaining balance of the deposit the amount will be noted and repayment paper shall be sent out with Owner of the said account as its recipient.
(4) 次の一にでも該当した場合には、当行は、この貯金の取扱いを停止し又は加入者に通知することによりこの貯金の解約をすることがあります。なお、通知によりこの貯金の解約をする場合、当該通知の到達のいかんにかかわらず、当行が解約の通知を届出のあった氏名及び住所にあてて発した時に解約したものとして振替 口座を閉鎖します。この場合において、振替口座に預り金の残額があるときは、その金額を記載し、当該加入者を受取人とした払出証書を発行して送付します。
All of these three provisions point to the case when, the account is determined that "it is or has the potential of being used in acts against laws and/or public order and morals”.
Obviously, Taro's case matched ALL of this criteria. Otherwise the freeze would not have been effected. The only 'validation' they performed posto-facto was to validate the name and identification of the account owner.
This really does not compute.
(C)2017 All rights reserved. Oogesa Taro and Office BALES News
2 notes · View notes
colorfulsuitdestiny-blog · 7 years ago
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Okay, I recently took out a loan for a car, and I got liability only on the car. The bank just contacted me saying they need proof of insurance. When I take it in, and they realize that it is liability insurance only, what will they do? Because, I heard you need premium insurance when you buy a car with a loan. So am I gonna have to go premium or what will happen? I have a 1990 Nisasn 240sx. My bank is Great Plains Federal Credit Union. My insurance is American Family Insurance.""
Which auto insurance is the cheapest? HELP PLEASE?
I'm 16 years old and I want insurance on my moms car. What is the cheapest company to have? help please! I really want to drive and moneys a big problem in my family.
Need cheap car insurance in NY?
Hi I'm in need of low car insurance in NY. I'm 22 female car is a 98 dodge caravan. Please i tried all those random websites that shows you insurance. I need names of insurance please =]
Insurance for Pregnant Women??
I just started taking Clomid, and I know I will probably, hopefully get pregnant soon, and I want to make sure that I have insurance. Anyone know of a great insurance, that is not too costly? For pregnant women?""
What pet insurance and medication do you use for your dog?
What pet insurance do you use for your dog and what does it cover? Can you give me the link for it. Also what medication do you use monthly (do you use it monthly or weekly) for heart worm, fleas, ticks, and etc. Also explain what health problems this package covers, and do you have a link for this site also? Please and thank you. Also I last time I forgot to mention I live in SO. CALIFORNIA, so something available that ships over here. Last time I got this incredible answer, to bad it only delivered to residences in Canada.""
Car insurance for 17 year old HELP please!!?
Hi, I'm looking to take car insurance out for a 1.0L Vauxhall Corsa Ecoflex 2006 or a 1.2L Ford KA 2009.I will be the policy holder and the main driver, however my parents will be a named driver.Car won't be driven more than 3000 miles a year and quotes are coming up at 2800++! I have heard some people are able to get it in the 1000s, but how is this possible? I have tried some many providers and I think I'm running out of luck. Plus these are the cheapest cars to insure too! I'm in the West Midlands to, if location has anything to do with it Any suitable answers will be greatly appreciated, thanks""
Cheapest car insurance in texas?
Hi... I have been re searching insurances and they are most around 180.... i was wondering if there were any other cheaper ones in texas... am single pregnant with assisiates, renting, 23 years old. No tickets. 1 acciden no okthers damaged.....""
Would it be better for our government to give everyone health insurance or?
Produce more health care resources by increasing funding for medical schools and work to flood the market in health care services thus making it more affordable for everyone?
How much does horse insurance cost you a month, year, etc.?
I know I could call for a quote, but I'm 13! I really want a horse and my mom said I might be able to get one if I made sure that she wouldn't have to pay thousands of dollars in vet bills. So I know how every horse is different and the price depends on like how old the horse is, but I basically know nothing about insurance!!! I want to know if it could somehow be added on to our medical, car, house, etc insurance. I also want to know how I can get full coverage, but not pay too much. Around $10-$20 a month is the highest I can go. So who are you insured with, how much do you pay, if you have more than one horse round the price up for one, what do you think I should do??? Thanks!!!
Does California state law not allow insurance companies to increase rates for $750 or less claims?
I heard California Sate law prohibits insurance companies from raising your rates if you have a total accident claim of $750 (not to include deductible amount)? Is this true?
""I am due to start driving next September, what cars get you cheaper insurance, and what other things can i do?""
i looked on some sites, some saying as much as 7000 in the uk, can i get that a little cheaper? thanks""
Is there any affordable Car Insurance for 16 year olds?
PLEASE READ: The problem is this. I'm 16 years old, and I really would like to own a car. But the problem is this. When your 16 and you first get insurance, it is super expensive. I have a brother the same age who would also like a car. But I have a single mother. If we have 3 cars and 3 people on one policy, that means it will cost over 10,000 dollars. I know I have to take a defensive drivers course to get 10% off, and I should get honor roll (But that'ss too hard). I've suggested that we get minimal coverage, but my moms the kind of person who thinks she has to pay a lot of money to be covered. Because she won't take minimal coverage, Now I can't have a car. What is the name of a car insurance company that is very affordable but does not make you go on minimal coverage to afford it? If you want, you can tell me what it cost you so I get a best estimate. Thanks.""
How much will my car insurance go up?
I just had my first accident. A minor fender bender where my car collided into the rear of another car. The damage to both our cars was very minimal. I have a puncture or two in my grille, other guy had black marks from where my license plate edge hit the bumper. My insurance is already going to cost me $900 to claim it because I'm under 25; now how much is my premium likely to increase to?""
Good student discount for car insurance?
so...i just completed my first year of college, and quite frankly i finished up poorly. my GPA is like a little over 2.4-2.5 and my dad is asking if i'll be able to send my transcript to the insurance (my dad is unaware of my grades). no chance of getting some discount or any at all??...i've kept my grades from my dad for quite some time, and now this is totally gonna blow my cover. i'm screwed aren't i? i'm a full time student and the insurance company is american family. so i guess my question is, do they discount % based on intervals of GPA, or is there just a minimum requirement and it's either you get a discount or not?""
""Car registered 25sep, no insurance, car incident 1st Oct but is it illegal?HELP?""
WHY SO? So I registered my car at DMV on the 25th Sept, I do not have insurance but according to DMV, it is LEGAL to not have insurance until 15 days on the day of registration. But in between those 15 days, I got into a car accident and what do i have to do now?????""
I just moved to california and brought my car here?
I just moved from florida to california, and i really need to know what i have to do? With the license plate? Registration? All this kinds of things, and for how long I can be driving with the florida plate and drivers license? Thanks for the help guys!!!""
Let's not have universal health care but just make health insurance more affordable?
and have the insurance companies take out take all these pre existing condition clauses. Then we don't have to worry about giving health care to illegals or higher taxes. Does anyone agree with me?
Which New York insurance is high?
I've heard New York insurance is high, but which one? Car, house, etc.? And why is it so high?""
Car Insurance/Title help?
I'm having a baby due at the end of this month and my car was just totaled by hitting a deer so I need to get a new one asap. The car that was just totaled was my first car which was in my parents name and insurance was also under there name. My boyfriend will be getting the loan for the new car because he has better credit, but we wanted the insurance in my name because it is cheaper so how do we go about doing that? If even possible""
Should I buy life insurance online?
I want to buy a life insurance plan for myself, and later for my husband. I have done some research, although I must say it's all very confusing and there are zillions of options. Now that I have a better idea, however, I am wondering if buying the plans online is at all an option. Do you have an experience with it? Do you recommend it, or feel that it's completely not a good idea?""
Temporary car insurance?
i am trying to get my boyfriend insured on my car for 1 week. there are many companies that do tempoary car insurance but i have been told that you can not have 2 policies on one car? i have Fully comprehensive car insurance but my insurers will not insure both of us on my car as we are under 25 so if i went with another insurance company who specialises in short term cover would this cover my boyfriend on my car?
Eye and Health Insurance ( College Student)?
Just recently I was diagnosed with Uveitis in my left eye. I had previously been diagnosed with it and my left eye just flared up again this year. As a 21 year old College student I can barely make ends meet and well now my question is, what kind of Medical/Eye/RX insurance would you guys recommend. I'm not ensured and I still have to go trough treatment, see specialist, blood test, chest exams, etc. My visit to the specialist was already around $120 and $75 per eye drops. I wanted to get glasses but seem how this slapped me in the face I would rather pay for an insurance before I'm forced to drop out because I can't pay my tuition.I'm also very unfamiliar with Insurance policies and as much research as I have done I have found little to nothing. I'm really not on a good enough financial status to pay a 100+ a month Insurance as a college student. Hopefully someone has some tips or tricks or at least some recommendations. P.S. excuse the bad spelling the brightness of the computer hurts my eye a bit and its hard to see my errors.""
I need affordable and reliable health insurance. 23 yrs old.?
hi I am a 23 year old foreign student currently studying in the US in a student visa..I am thinking about getting an affordable health insurance that covers emergencies and any sudden diseases that might occur in future.. also may be a yearly doctor visit etc.. i do not need dental.. i just want to make sure i am covered in case of emergency.. i am just a student and do not have a stable job so i cant afford a lot.. i have heard about medicare and medicaid but they are not for foreign nationals.. i have also heard about blue cross blue shield i was thinking about going with them but what do you guys think?? and what should be the monthly price?? thank you in advance .. no advertisements or spam please!!
Looking for affordable health insurance in California?
Is there any way that an individual might be able to join an existing health insurande group? I am single, and my job does not offer insurance. I am 28 and healthy, but the costs of individual plans are out of my budget. I was just wondering if there was a better way to insure myself on the up and up.""
Anyone know where my husband can get dental work done with no insurance?
he is in a huge amount of pain and nothing is working anymore he has even went as far as rinsing his mouth out with peroxide! [ i know right!] but any how we don't have dental insurance and i was wondering is there anywhere he can go like a free clinic or something? we live in East bay California any help would be great thanks! no rude comments please
How much will insurance go up with 2 points on drivers license in CA?
Im from California. So I have 2 points on my driving record how much will the insurance go up? I work for a company as a driver. They have The Hartford car insurance. Thanks.
About health insurance?
My job health insurance is to high, I need affordable insurance do anyone one how I can go by getting it""
Should I be put on my moms car insurance?
should I be put under my mothers insurance, or should i take care of my car insurance my self? Im 18""
Car insurance for teen?
My dad says that by me getting my permit(haven't got yet) his insurance deductable will go from 200$ to 500$. I need help with finding a popular insurance company that has low-cost coverage for teenage drivers.
How do insurance company's value cars?
i had a 07 impala and just got a new 2010 impala and my insurance is cheaper on the new car than the old car why is that?? is the older the car the more it is?? or what really takes place on the prices??
What gpa do i need for a deduction on car insurance?
I just purchased a 99 grand prix gtp (supercharged) 2 door. I know that my insurance payment will go down based on good grades. I've got a 2.973, is that close enough to 3.0? to get the deduction?""
Exceptional First Car With Low Insurance?
I am straight 'A' student, and I have completed the Driver's Education course at my highschool. My family does not really make that much money, but my parents would like to buy me a car at an exceptional rate. I am probably only going to live in Florida for another year, and then I am moving out to California. Depending on what type of car I decide to get, I don't know if I will be taking it with me or not. My mom wants to buy me a brand new car, meaning a current 2008-09 model, but I keep explaining to her that it's very hard to find a cheap new model (unless someone knows something I don't?). I would just like some third party input on this decision. What is the best car company, and what car model would have the lowest insurance rate? I have tried researching Mazda, Acura, Nissan, and Honda, because I prefer these companies; however, I haven't had any luck because I'm so new to shopping for a vehicle. I like hybrids, and it would help if I am able to get a car with great mileage as well. Of course, I'm sure many of you know this is because of our depleting economy, lol. Ok, I don't mean to make this a book, I'm just trying to give as much information as I can so I can maybe get a clear answer. Thanks in advance =).""
What company provides cheap motorcycle insurance?
What company provides cheap motorcycle insurance?
Does a warning for running a red light increase insurance rates? PLEASE HELP!?
Today I got pulled over for the first time for running a red light , when the officer pulled me over, as he was getting off his bike I took my seatbelt off (I know, now that I think of it, it was such a stupid thing to do, but it was my first time being pulled over and I didnt know how to react). He di.dn't say anything about the seatbelt, but he told me that I ran the red light back there. Ok, let me explain this to you guys now, i don't know if you're familiar with Cape Cod or not but there are TONS, literally tons of tourists here right now, and the roads are really narrow.. There was a guy in an Audi pulling into a parking spot in reverse in front of me and he was taking half of the lane that I was on.. This parking spot happens to be 10 ft away from the set of lights. In my mind I was thinking, I'm gonna go to the left side to let this guy go in, and while that was happening I was worried about the tourists that like to jaywalk and cross the road inbetween cars... So I go to the left and the left and gas it a little bit, I was going like 10 mph as I was taking off, and the light turns yellow, I cross the crosswalk, then the light turns red and I drive under the set of lights.. These 2 bike cops came immediately after me... So long story short, it was my first time being pulled over, I took the seatbelts off, and I ran the red light because there was a guy pulling into a parking stop right in front of me and I was too worried looking around afraid I was going to hit a jaywalking tourists. I know people always think they're right, but I honestly think I didn't do anything wrong here. I got a $25 seat belt fine and a warning for running the red light, which is complete BS. I know it's a warning but I don't want it on my record at all, how can I appeal, any tips? Im only 18 years old, just got off my JOL and I'm very conscientious of other people, never speed or anything. I appreciate your help, will give best answer, thanks!""
How much does horse insurance cost you a month, year, etc.?
I know I could call for a quote, but I'm 13! I really want a horse and my mom said I might be able to get one if I made sure that she wouldn't have to pay thousands of dollars in vet bills. So I know how every horse is different and the price depends on like how old the horse is, but I basically know nothing about insurance!!! I want to know if it could somehow be added on to our medical, car, house, etc insurance. I also want to know how I can get full coverage, but not pay too much. Around $10-$20 a month is the highest I can go. So who are you insured with, how much do you pay, if you have more than one horse round the price up for one, what do you think I should do??? Thanks!!!
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/auto-insurance-beland-rajka"
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apostleofsilence · 7 years ago
Text
Chapter two; or, Jesus Christ, so this is still a thing.
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[[AUTHOR NOTE: I made the executive decision to delete most of the old entries. Preface stays. Honestly, though, it is a fitting end to a portion of my life now forever gone to the ravages of too many benzos be represented by a missing chapted. No longer shackled to the words of a dead man, I hope to pull myself out of despair. Gods know I deserve it.]]
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Two and a half fucking years since I started this. I noticed that I got followed by what looks like two real life people. If you ever read this, hiii! I was just gonna delete this churning trainwreck, but since there is a possibility others might see this someday, I shall trudge ever forward. So lets fill in the gaps, or what I remember.
So where we last left our intrepid adventurer, he was staring into the stygian abyss, and while it stared not back, it it gave threat with it's flying blanket elemental. Eesh. Terrible place to leave on a cliffhanger. So, what did happen?
Benzodiazepines, kiddos. Proof that if there is a God, it is a cruel and capricious one indeed. My ultimate salvation, it whispered in my ears, the siren song of modern medicine. It made me complete. And completely an asshole. So the benzos had to go. I was prescribed 6mg of Xanax and 6mg of Kpin. Daily. As is a supply of 90 each every four weeks. If your not familiar, that is a fuckton. Like, an irresponsible dose. I had been getting small caches of .5 xannies, and those were perfect. Shut out the negative thoughts, let my mind drift in peace for awhile. My new shrink, when he found out I expected him to maybe keep up with said dose, his solution was to give me thirty times the benzos I requested. I was leery, but who had the medical degree, amirite?
Well, as a result of this, I have six months worth of mostly empty memories, and the things I do recall were traumatic, to say the least. Maybe in a future chapter, I will discuss the sort of depravity one gets up to when you feel like a God given flesh, and you feel like it too. But for now, we focus on the future.
I lost many good friends. I was a mess. My stepdad, who grew up doing hardcore drugs from the sixties through the mid eighties, told me that he'd never seen anyone as far gone as I was come back through unscathed. Talk like that scares me a bit, because this man wasn't picky about who knew he did them, or whom he did them with.
So, I let go of benzos, willingly. On my terms. I flushed all the xannies, probably had an easy street value of a thousand, likely. Gone. Flushed all but enough of the kpin to parachute down on. Didn't want to quit all that just to die due to a withdrawl-induced grand mal seizure. Figured as much as I had been taking, it probably would've completely fucked up my shit.
I went back to my partner (who had decided that being ftm wasn't really for her, and that her dysphoria was mostly tied to being shamed all her life about her body). I don't think either of us intended it, but there it is. We went back to being friends during my recovery, and we were just so goddamned good together again. Since then, while we have had a touch of turmoil, it hasn't been nearly like it used to be. We are more patient with each other, more open about what we need and want. Like adults. This whole section might be a half-chapter of its own, and definitely a tale for later.
I didn't see another therapist since I got my last one fired for naked malpractice and HIPPA violations. Just another reason not to trust shrinks. Scum, most of them. I had one or two along the way that were worthwhile, but constantly moving homes assured I could never totally and implicitly trust one shrink. I finally saw one on October this year. Two months ago? Yeah. Proud of me, internet? Yeah, me too. My cardiologist is literally the best, he got me in to see this guy as a favor.
Anyway, I've changed cars twice since then. From that shitty Camry to the significantly less shitty 16 year old Acura. Didn't do any driving while I was "waiting to adjust" to those suicide slammers I was prescribed, and continued drinking on. Oh yeah, quit drinking among all that, too. I'm just fucking killing it over here, rockstar style.
But I will resist braggadocia (okay, maybe a little indulgence). But seriously, I couldn't have done it alone. Special thanks go out to A(rhymes with among kinda), J(sorta rhymes with heft), D(definitely rhymes with barrel), D(rhymes with rave, though he's never been), EJ (he would deffo know who he is, no hints needed 😉), and the best pair of male rats I've ever owned. And especially special thanks of epicness +1 to C(whom also rhymes with barrel). My heart of hearts, soul of soul. My sun and stars. Thanks for "getting" me like nobody ever did before. I <3 you.
So, here I am. How am I now? At moments bad, but getting better all the time, I hope. I've become more reclusive. To keep myself from outright agoraphobia, I set up a Dungeons and Dragons group almost as soon as I committed to recovery. Writing helps, and beyond this blog, my pen has been stilled by hopeless thoughts. Except for roleplaying games.
That group has grown and molded from just me, D, J, and C crawling from one outlandish setting to the next in my slapdash, seat of my pants storytelling into a Sunday night movie night, with almost double the cast. Its an even split almost, girls to guys, and we mostly watch bad exploitation flicks and so bad they're good trainwrecks. Somehow, I find contentment from this social arrangement.
Umm, my anxiety in public is worse now. With no benzos, all I got left out there is music, and if I forget my earbuds I wander into the gtocery store, immediately lose focus on my goals, buy the same thing every time (a hastily grabbed pepsi max and a bag of sour bears, my only weakness!), and leave the store. I emerge from my fog as I jostle my keys from my pocket to get into the car, realizing I forgot the cereal, the milk, and the bread. Oh, was I humming again? How long had I been doing it? The same fucking tune, oh you don't say. You're still a wreck of a man, Rev.
So yeah. I'm getting better, but I feel like there is a transparent wall of force between me and normalcy. The ability to work, to start a family. God, how I want that. We both want just one and done. Hope someday I can break through and realize all of these things as reality. For now, I shall dream.
-=-=-=-=-
And with that, I conclude this entry. With luck, I will be bashing out more screeds in the future, now that I have discovered the tumblr app. Thoughts? Questions? Maybe my next post will be an interlude. I need to figure out what the nomenclature for trigger warnings on here. I am totally new to the platform and am aware that there is some manner of acceptable decorum around these here parts.
Baby steps.
And if any of you mentioned above find this, I ask that you keep it to yourself. If you like, I would be happy to one on one you in regards to anything you might be concerned about. Please respect this, this blog is like personal therapy. Thank you.
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