#so today we had an interview about the code and all. to make sure we didnt cheat.

[fingertipsmp3]

I feel like I’ve lived through at least a month just in the past 3 days. I checked the date just now and damn near had an out of body experience when I realised Monday was only two days ago

[complainblogforthevoid]

I've finally figured out an argument that convinces coding tech-bros that AI art is bad.

Got into a discussion today (actually a discussion, we were both very reasonable and calm even through I felt like committing violence) with a tech-bro-coded lady who claimed that people use AI in coding all the time so she didn't see why it mattered if people used AI in art.

Obviously I repressed the surge of violence because that would accomplish nothing. Plus, this lady is very articulate, the type who makes claims and you sit there thinking no that's wrong it must be but she said it so well you're kind of just waffling going but, no, wait-- so I knew I had to get this right if I was gonna come out of this unscathed.

The usual arguments about it being about the soul of it and creation fell flat, in fact she was adamant that anyone who believed that was in fact looking down at coding as an art form as she insisted it is. Which, sure, you can totally express yourself through coding. There's a lot more nuance as to the differences but clearly I was not going to win this one.

The other people I was with (literally 8 people anti-ai against her, but you can't change the mind of someone who doesn't want to listen and she just kept accusing us of devaluing coding as an art) took over for I kid you not 15 minutes while I tried desperately to come up with a clear and articulate way to explain the difference to her. They tried so many reasonable arguments, coding being for a function ("what, art doesn't serve a function?") coding being many discrete building blocks that you put together differently, and the AI simply provides the blocks and you put it together yourself ("isn't that what prompt building is") that it's bad for the environment ("but not if it's used for capitalism, hm?" "Yeah literally that's how capitalism works it doesn't care about the environment" she didn't like that response)

But I finally got it.

And the answer is: It's not about what you do, it's about what you claim to be.

Imagine that someone asks an AI to write a code and, by some miracle, it works perfectly without them having to tweak it---which is great because they couldn't tell you what a single solitary thing in that code means.

Now imagine this person, with their code that they don't know how it works, goes and applies to be a coder somewhere, presenting this AI code as proof that they're qualified.

Should they be hired?

She was horrified, of course. Of course they shouldn't be. They're not qualified. They can't actually code, and even if by some miracle they did have an AI successfully write a flawless code for every issue they came across that wouldn't be their code, you could hire any shmuck on the street to do that, no reason to pay someone like they're creating something.

When actual engineers use AI what they do is get some kind of base, which they then go though and check for problems and then if they find any they fix them, and add on to the base code with their own knowledge instead of just trying different prompt after prompt until they randomly come across one that works.

People who generate code like this don't usually call themselves engineers. They're people who needed a bit of code and didn't have the knowledge to generate it, and so used a resource.

And there you go. There are people who have none of the skills of artists, they don't practice, they don't create for themselves. When they feed the prompt to the AI they then don't just use the resulting image as a reference point for their own personal masterpiece, and if they don't like it they don't have the skills to change it---they simply try another prompt, and do that until they get something they like.

These people are calling themselves artists.

Not only that, these people are bringing the AI generated thing to interviews, and they are getting hired, leaving people who slave over their craft out of the job.

And that is the difference, for the tech bros who think AI art isn't a big deal.

[swiftiethatlovesf1]

The assistant

Heyy guys, I hope you enjoy this one shot of Lewis x assistant, ngl I was blushing so hard writing the last part. If you want to read more stories of mine here's my masterlist.

The moment I stepped into Ferrari’s Maranello headquarters, I knew my life was about to change. The air buzzed with a mixture of history and ambition, the scent of oil and polished metal filling my lungs as I hurried down the halls, clutching my tablet and notepad close to my chest. Today was my first official day as Lewis Hamilton’s new assistant, and I was determined to make a good impression.

It still felt unreal. Lewis Hamilton, seven-time world champion, the man whose posters had covered my childhood bedroom, was now my boss. I had been warned—he was meticulous, demanding, and didn’t suffer fools lightly. The fact that I was young, inexperienced, and admittedly not the brightest when it came to all things technical probably didn’t help my case. But I was dedicated, eager to learn, and I refused to let anyone down, least of all him.

I reached his office and knocked twice, heart hammering in my chest.

“Come in,” came his deep, smooth voice.

I stepped inside, nearly tripping over my own feet in the process. “Good morning, Mr. Hamilton!” I chirped, a bright smile plastered on my face.

His eyes flicked up from his laptop, sharp and assessing. Even seated, he radiated effortless charisma. The Ferrari red suited him, adding a new edge to his presence that was almost overwhelming.

“It’s just Lewis,” he corrected, leaning back in his chair. “And you are?”

“Oh! Right. I’m Y/N. Your new assistant.” I held out a hand, which he shook briefly, his grip warm and firm.

His lips twitched. “You seem… enthusiastic.”

“I am!” I nodded eagerly. “I won’t let you down. I have your schedule ready, your coffee order memorized, and I even took the liberty of organizing your inbox.”

Lewis raised an eyebrow, a flicker of amusement crossing his features. “Organized my inbox? That’s ambitious.”

“I color-coded it,” I said proudly.

He exhaled a quiet chuckle, shaking his head. “Alright, Y/N. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

The weeks passed in a blur of early mornings, frantic note-taking, and adjusting to the fast-paced world of Ferrari. Lewis was… intense. Every meeting, every training session, every interview had to be managed with absolute precision. But he was also patient in his own way, never raising his voice even when I fumbled through things or had to ask the same question twice.

What I hadn’t expected was how easy it was to be around him. Beneath his disciplined exterior, there was a warmth, a dry sense of humor that surfaced when we were alone. I found myself looking forward to our moments between obligations—the brief exchanges of banter, the way his lips curled when I made a silly mistake, his teasing remarks about my tendency to trip over my own feet.

And then there were the looks.

At first, I thought I was imagining it. The way his gaze lingered a second too long when I handed him his morning coffee. How his eyes darkened when I absentmindedly chewed on my pen during meetings. The barely-there smirk whenever he caught me flustered, which, unfortunately, was often.

I told myself it was nothing. He was Lewis Hamilton—he could have any woman he wanted. Why would he be interested in his clueless, bumbling assistant?

But then, one evening, he shattered all my illusions.

It was late. The Ferrari offices were nearly empty, the only sounds coming from the hum of overhead lights and the occasional rustle of papers as I went through the last of Lewis’s schedule for the following day.

He leaned against his desk, arms crossed, watching me with an expression I couldn’t quite decipher.

“You don’t have to stay this late, you know,” he murmured.

I glanced up, blinking. “Oh, I don’t mind! I just wanted to make sure everything is perfect for tomorrow.”

He exhaled, a hint of exasperation in his gaze. “You work too hard.”

I grinned. “So do you.”

For a long moment, he didn’t respond. The silence stretched between us, thick with something unspoken. Then, in a move that sent my pulse skyrocketing, he reached out, brushing a stray strand of hair behind my ear. His fingers lingered, tracing lightly along my jaw.

My breath caught. “L-Lewis?”

He let out a quiet chuckle, his eyes dark, unreadable. “You have no idea what you’re doing to me, do you?”

I swallowed hard, my thoughts a jumbled mess. “I—um—I don’t—”

His fingers ghosted down my arm, slow and deliberate, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. “Every time you walk into a room, all sweet and eager to please, I have to remind myself you’re off-limits.”

A shiver ran down my spine. My mouth was dry. “Am I?”

His jaw clenched, his grip tightening just slightly. “I shouldn’t. I know I shouldn’t.”

“But?” I whispered, emboldened by the way his breath hitched at my voice.

His eyes flicked to my lips, then back up. “You make it very hard to be good.”

A flush spread down my neck. My heart pounded against my ribs as he took a step closer, the air between us crackling with tension. I could feel the heat radiating off his body, the scent of his cologne mixed with something unmistakably male.

He sighed, raking a hand through his curls before stepping back. “Go home, Y/N. Before I do something we both regret.”

I bit my lip, nodding as I gathered my things, but as I walked out, I knew one thing for certain: resisting this temptation was only getting harder for both of us.

Next part

[lover-of-mine]

Hi, welcome to Buck just had his oh moment and the color theory of it all.

Usual shoutout to @stagefoureddiediaz because being mind meld with her is what's getting me here lol

First, I'm gonna break my own rule and give too much power to the showrunners, I know I keep saying not to, but hear me out. Buck, Bothered and Bewildered is on Buck's pov, right? That was made clear by the episode and then confirmed in interviews that that was the vision, and well, Tim also said that that scene was from Buck's pov, it's all about Buck's reaction and how he will go crazy about this because he's abandonment issues personified, that is also confirmed with the way we don't see what Eddie is doing until he tells Buck, we are learning things at the same time as Buck is.

Okay, well, why am I going back to 704? Well, Buck's fear of losing Eddie (I don't care what Buck says, he wanted Eddie's attention) made him go completely batshit crazy last time. But it also triggered something really important: Buck's bisexuality. And they just repeated that trigger, but this time with Buck choosing to walk in.

They repeated the bt first kiss structure but with Buck making the choices that create that change. The bt kiss, Buck is working on some bills, Tommy shows up, Buck is spiraling because of Eddie, Tommy kisses him, Buck has the bisexual realization. The 808 scene, Eddie is working on the houses, Buck shows up, he's spiraling about Tommy, Eddie reveals something, and Buck is snapped into the realization. Important thing to notice is that Buck still doesn't fully understand the depth of what his relationship with Tommy showed him about himself, so Buck still might not understand the impact of what his abandonment issues just told him while he was sitting on Eddie's couch. And it's all on Buck's pov.

But Anna, you said color theory.

I'm getting there. Because, well, the bt kiss is blue and red.

Same as 808. So we are evoking the same feeling, especially because of Buck's short sleeves and the buttons (and not a white shirt under this like he had all season lol)

And thinking about the blue and yellow coding Buck's bi arc, he worked his way to lighter blues. He starts with the navy blue colors until that lighter teal tone from the coming out scene.

It's also interesting that in the scenes that are about Eddie in a sense, when he's talking to Maddie and he got it right about it being about Eddie, and the coming out scene being about their friendship, are lighter colors along with Buck matching his background. We don't have the yellow elements but we have that cohesion on the frame composition. (I guess the 606 hoodie also counts since blue and green theory but I don't want to make another image now).

If you're new here, the theory is that Buck worked his way to his blue from darker colors, his blue being the color he is wearing during the coming out scene (and Eddie will find his yellow, but we are not talking about Eddie).

We are back in the darker blue but the composition of the scene is lighter. Buck is literally in front of the light as he is talking to Eddie in the kitchen, and it's the middle of the day.

He matches the background, the couch, the Texas frame, the lighting is also a lot colder than it usually is in Eddie's house. And it's also very important that he is on the couch, because yay couch theory.

But Anna how does any of this prove anything?

Well, Buck is working his way back to his blue while in the darker colors, because while he got the bisexuality part right, Tommy wasn't the right person, and he's finally back in the light, we don't have the dimmed light and the obstruction of his face created by the shadow, dare I saw Buck is finally starting to see things clearer.

But why am I so sure? The shirt he was wearing today?

Same color but in a darker shade than his blue.

Buck is back on the discovery feeling that comes with the darker blue but this time he's in the correct hue, he just needs to get to the right shade, and he just figured something out.

Abandonment issues personified just had his oh moment about Eddie at the thought of losing him permanently, sitting on Eddie's couch while wearing his blue.

Other things to notice, Buck knocked but walked in before Eddie could get to the door, he used his key and the knocking was just to let Eddie know he was there, Buck is the one who suggests moving to the couch and the couch ties it back to the couch theory and the 601 dinner, dare I say that even Buck offering to bake for Eddie and the cooking aspect of it all, and the idea that the couch is home and home is a person and for Buck that's Eddie.

Something else is the way that we finally see someone eating whatever it is Buck is stress baking. Madney don't eat at the loft and the chief interrupts them at the firehouse. Eddie on the other hand is DIGGING into those. And food in 911, in media in general, is about connection, and is very pointedly about love here, and the whole stress baking is great because the kitchen is Buck's safe space, he cooks for people he loves, we see that from when Maddie comes back, to the pointed way he gets take out for his parents in 610, to the lasagna, making chilly with Bobby, cooking for the house on 709 and getting Bobby's approval. And the fact that we are getting Eddie eating what Buck's nervous state is creating while allowing Buck to just go through his kitchen to make more because he is not about to not accept every part of Buck Buck offers him is important.

The fact that Eddie isn't objecting to Buck rummaging around his kitchen is also important in the way the show uses Eddie's house in a meta way, kinda like the way the show uses the loft to match Buck's spirits in a sense, how the kitchen is his heart and for family, how the living room ends up being for guests and it's made pointed about the couch his mother bought "for his guests", Eddie's kitchen and the whole way it's the space Eddie allows himself to be vulnerable but there's the thing of honesty, the core of who Eddie is is tied to the kitchen, and the fact that he's just letting Buck move around like it's his kitchen ads a lot. Buck is the only person who walked into the house through the back door, Buck has a key, Buck has been in every room (except the bathroom but I think they are saving that for buddie canon), that's home for him too and Eddie never thinks to question and Buck never thinks to doubt it ("this is Eddie's house, I'm not really a guest").

Anyway, Buck oh moment real. Buddie 8b real. Color theory got me so high I'm wondering this is what doing hard drugs feels like. I think this is all I have to say. I might come back, who knows? I don't.

If you read this I love you.

taglist (interact with this post if you wanna get tagged)

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@dingdongfries @angelcamael

[asaka-lucy-hl]

Report on the 3rd Online Meeting of the Last Defense Academy School Council (Held on February 28)

The archived video is now available for the School Council members, so I’ve listed the key points and comments from Kodaka and Inou (THL’s producer) that I found particularly important or amusing. Part of the report is written in the form of a conversation, and the person named Miyokawa who appears in it is the editor-in-chief of a Japanese gaming media outlet called Famitsu.

Q: There are now 55 days until release. How are things going? Kodaka: We’re working on some patches, but development itself is basically finished. Until recently, I was making final adjustments to the parts I was responsible for, as well as checking the balance of the SRPG sections. But now that’s all settled, so I’ve been playing through the parts written by other writers—the ones I wasn’t involved in during development—as a player.

Q: So you're playing THL from a player’s perspective? Kodaka: Yes, exactly. There are parts I didn’t oversee at all, so I’m experiencing them for the first time myself.

Q: The demo’s reviews have the status of “Overwhelmingly Positive”… Kodaka: They’re all fake reviews. (Everyone laughs) Kodaka: We paid people 100 yen each to write them. Miyokawa: That’s cheap. (laughs) Inou: I personally wrote about 30 of them. (Everyone laughs) Miyokawa: Let’s not make jokes like that—it could spread in a weird way. It’s not true! (laughs) Right now, there are around 806 reviews. Kodaka: It’s really nice to see so many reviews for just the demo.

Q: Do you feel the impact of the feedback? Kodaka: Yes, I do. With Rain Code, we didn’t release a demo, and while DRV3 had a demo, there wasn’t really a place for people to leave reviews like this. So being able to see this kind of reaction is really valuable. We’ve even used some of the feedback to make adjustments in patches, so in that sense, I’m glad we released a demo. Also, as I mentioned in my Famitsu interview today, seeing the reactions to the demo has been a relief. My worries have eased a bit. Before the demo was released, I was thinking, “What if we only sell 600 copies...?” But now I know we’ll at least sell 800, so I feel a little better. (Everyone laughs) Miyokawa: I don’t think 800 copies is a number you should feel reassured about. (laughs)

Q: The SRPG sections were more challenging than I expected. Kodaka: That’s true. I think that’s one of the aspects that received particularly good feedback. When it comes to the story, a lot of people commented that it felt “Danganronpa-like” and nostalgic, but for the SRPG sections, it seemed like many players only truly understood what they were like after playing them.

The SRPG has a system where, if you get a game over, various relief measures kick in, making it progressively easier. Personally, when I play action games and keep getting game overs, I always think, “Why doesn’t this game have some kind of relief system?!” Since I’m more of a casual gamer, after dying three times, I just want the game to let me clear it already.

Miyokawa: So THL has that kind of relief system? Kodaka: Yes. Since I’m the type of person who wants that kind of feature, I made sure to include it.

Q: Since we have Kodaka here, I’d love for the School Council members to share their thoughts directly with you. But at the same time, many fans are hesitant to say too much because they’re worried about spoilers.

Kodaka: Yeah, but honestly, what’s playable in the demo is really just the tip of the iceberg—actually, more like the tip of the tip of the iceberg. I’ve seen a lot of reviews commenting on how surprisingly large the demo is, saying things like, “I can’t believe they released this much content.” But in reality, it’s just a small fraction of the full game. So many more things are going to happen from here on.

On the other hand, since the development team talks openly about all this stuff among ourselves, I sometimes worry that I might accidentally slip up and drop a keyword or something.

Most SRPGs tend to have a fantasy feel, but I think this demo really conveys just how much of a 'chuunibyou' (edgy, over-the-top) vibe the game has.

(Everyone laughs)

One thing that’s always bothered me about SRPGs is how, toward the end, the gameplay often turns into just surrounding the last enemies and bullying them. At a certain point, you realize, “Oh, I can’t lose anymore,” and the tension disappears. I wanted to reduce that as much as possible.

So, I designed the game around "comeback victories." The more allies you lose, the stronger you become.

I set it up so that, near the end, you might think, “Only two of us are left... but if we risk everything, we might just pull this off... We did it!!!” That kind of dramatic, high-stakes moment. I feel like that also adds to the game’s chuunibyou spirit.

---

<Kodaka's Comments During the Fan Q&A Session>

Darumi is the kind of character that seems like they could fit into Danganronpa but actually can't. If you have a character like that, they’d basically have to be killed off early on. So, while they might seem like a Danganronpa character, they actually wouldn’t work.

Maruko wouldn’t fit either. Someone that much of a coward would be hard to use in the story. Ginzaki as well—if he keeps sinking into self-loathing every time he speaks, the Class Trial wouldn’t progress at all. Surprisingly, there are a lot of characters that seem like they could appear in Danganronpa but actually wouldn’t.

For the first nine characters (except for Takumi), I wanted them to feel a little more relatable, a bit more grounded compared to the ones in Danganronpa or Rain Code. Maruko, Kawana, Shizuhara—they don’t have over-the-top appearances. Since this game has war as a theme, I wanted to include somewhat realistic reactions to that. So, at first, I aimed to depict real high school students with these nine characters. ...But I couldn't really do it. laughs In the end, I just kept adding more and more, and it turned out the same as always—intense characters all over again.

(Everyone laughs)

Kodaka: Still, I think the designs are slightly more relatable than those in Danganronpa, don’t you? Miyokawa: Darumi might be a bit extreme, though. Kodaka: Yeah, that’s true. But then all the characters that got added later ended up being way too intense, which made for a really unbalanced mix. laughs

Q: Are you participating in the 100-day login campaign? Kodaka: I haven’t logged in once. (Everyone laughs)

Q. The controls with the keyboard are difficult. Can they be improved before release? Kodaka: To be honest, I strongly recommend using a gamepad. Well... making adjustments for keyboard controls costs money, you know. Inou: Yeah, it’s not like we didn’t consider it, but given the budget, we decided it was better to just ask players to use a gamepad.

Q: Will there be any shocking announcements before the release? Kodaka: Honestly, we’re still debating how much to reveal. From a marketing perspective, it would be better to make an honest announcement that "This and that happen," people would go, "Whoa, this game is insane!" But at the same time, I want players to experience those surprises firsthand. So I’m thinking maybe it’s best to hold back and rely on post-release word-of-mouth instead. I don’t want to ruin those moments of shock for the players.

That said, I was looking at the demo reviews, and it seems like a lot of people were really reacting to Aotsuki’s event CG from Tokyo Game Show. Maybe that’s because, after playing the demo, they understood the characters better?

Inou: Yeah, that one definitely got people buzzing and stirred up a lot of "What!?!" reactions. Kodaka: At TGS, we had a bunch of event CGs on display at the booth. And we figured, "Hey, let’s throw in something fun at the edge of the lineup!" So we deliberately included one of the more intense event CGs. But I think it’s still hard to understand why things turned out that way.

There are over 600 event CGs in the game, so I doubt many people will see all of this.

---

On the development process

Kodaka: Today, various sections of the team were interviewed, and while reminiscing about the road to release, our staff kept saying things like: "I never thought we’d finish this game." "There’s no way this is possible."

Honestly, for the past two years, I’ve been hearing nothing but people saying, “It’s impossible! We can’t finish it!”

Miyokawa: Sounds like the whole Tookyo Games team was in despair. Kodaka: Yeah, Tookyo Games was in despair. Even Media.Vision (the company handling the SRPG sections) was in despair. Inou: Right. And since I was managing the project, I was in despair too. (Everyone laughs) Inou: So, at some point, I thought we had to force ourselves to finish it. Speaking of which, someone started saying scary things like, "If we had another year, we could have done even better..." Kodaka: It would never be finished at that rate. laughs Miyokawa: That just shows how ambitious the game was. Kodaka: Yeah, and I think the quality turned out really high. The character sprites and music are really abundant, too.

Plus, in the ADV sections, the scripting was all handled by the actual scenario writers. For the sections I wrote, I also did all the scripting myself. In fact, the entire ADV section of the demo—I handled all the scripting for it.

That’s probably why people kept saying in reviews that it feels like Danganronpa—because everything, from the way sound effects are used to the way music changes, was all done in my style.

While working on this, I realized that I’m actually really good at scripting. Maybe even better than writing scenarios. I genuinely feel like my directing makes things more engaging.

Miyokawa: Do different writers have their own distinct styles? Kodaka: Yeah, you can really tell, especially with Uchikoshi—his writing stands out a lot. There are some sections where you just know it’s him. But I think that’s part of the game’s charm—there are so many different routes, and multiple writers contributed to them.

---

[Closing Segment]

Miyokawa: Now then, does anyone know what day it is today, February 28th? Kodaka: Monster Hunter release day! Miyokawa: (laughs) Oh, the team members know what I mean. That’s right—it’s Ginzaki’s birthday! So, we have prepared a cake for him!

What do you think? Kodaka: That’s impressive. It does look a bit like his ears are melting though. Miyokawa: Well, is he really that beloved? Inou: I believe a lot of people will end up loving him. He’s already popular at ANIPLEX, and he’s one of my favorites too. Kodaka: He does have a great range of expressions. A lot of them are annoying, though. (Everyone laughs) Miyokawa: Even the expression on the cake is a little irritating, right? He doesn't seem to be aware that he is being celebrated. ---

Miyokawa: Lastly, do you have any message for the School Council members? Kodaka: Well, after the release, I’d love to have a meeting where we can share our thoughts without worrying about spoilers. I think a lot of different impressions will come up. Probably, about a month after the release, people who have played it will have completely different opinions, so I’d like to hear everyone’s thoughts at a good time. I think this is a work where sharing impressions will be a lot of fun, so please look forward to it and wait until the release.

---

That’s all for now. Please note that this post only highlights the parts of their statements that I found interesting, and some sections have been edited for flow, as they were not originally consecutive.

I hope you find some parts of it enjoyable to read. Thanks for reading! 🌟

[dreamcatchers-husband]

Jitters

Male Reader X Fromis_9 Saerom

Length: 2600+ words

Tags: Roomates, Fuck buddies, Mommy kink, Creampie

A/N- Saerom has always caught my attention so I had to make her a fic. At least a quckie.

Do you ever get the jitters? Get nervous?

People get nervous for a lot of different reasons. Job interview? Getting on a roller coaster? Riding a plane? 

For you, it was none of these. The cause of your nerves was two simple words. First date. When the girl said yes, you were beyond excited but the jitters came once you began to head home. Your shoulder hit several people as your eyes were stuck on your phone screen. After each apology, you continued the walk home, planning on what to do with your date. 

Eventually, you arrived at your apartment complex and walked to the front door. Once you passed the door, your legs brought you over to the elevator where you waited for the metal cage. Your travel up the elevator was uneventful as your legs continued to tap up and down nervously.

With a ding, your eyes looked up and saw the number 14. Recognizing it as your floor, you stepped off and rushed to your door. Once your golden metal key entered the keyhole, you turned it counterclockwise and unlocked the door. 

With your shoulder pushing it open, your feet moved forward and rushed towards your living room. Once there, your eyes began to search for a nice brown bookcase that lived in that part of your home. Once your eyes saw it, your mind took over as you pulled the doors open and found a large black safe that sat there. 

Raising your hand, the various beeps from the safe echoed in your ear. Punching The code 0124 made the green light appear as well as a clicking sound. Pulling the safe open, you found a couple of stacks of money as well as a wallet. Grabbing your black leather wallet, you opened it and pulled out a green card. 

With the card now in your possession. You fished out your personal wallet from your pants and put it in one of the slots. The brown from the wallet faded with time but you still loved how big it was as well as convenient compared to others. Just as your wallet went back into your pocket, the sound of a door caught your attention. With the door, footsteps followed that got closer and closer. Finally, a voice was heard as a figure appeared. 

“Why the hell is there so much noise?” 

“Sorry Saerom. I needed to get my other credit card.” 

“You hate using that one. You always complain about the interest rate. Is something wrong? Do you need new tires? I told you those used one-“

“I don’t need new tires, Saerom. This is great news. She said YES!”

“Who said yes? The librarian if the book you had on hold was finally returned?”

“NO. She finally said yes. I can take the girl of my dreams on a date!”

As your hand closed the metal door to the safe, your body turned around and was met with the brown-haired woman. Her outfit immediately stuck out to you as your eyes went up and down her body. The black top cut short just above her midriff, giving you the slightest tease of her amazing abs. The navy green skirt didn't do any better at hiding her body. Despite being on the shorter side. Her legs looked long and soft. They were for sure soft. Of course, you would know with the amount of times they have been wrapped around your head. 

“Oh, why are you dressed up Saerom?”

“Oh, I was just trying on some clothes for the next time we go out to get drinks. So you finally got a date with Hayoung huh?” 

“Yes! It’s even today. Look, I need to go shower so I’ll talk to you later.”

Not waiting for a response, your legs pushed forward towards your room. Your hands moved faster than you thought ever possible, removing the clothing from your body. Guess just a plain shirt and joggers helped with this also. Normally your body would be covered by a bathrobe at this point, but all reason was gone in your mind. With nothing on, your legs ran across the hallway and pushed their way into the bathroom. 

As you shut the door behind you, your arm then extended out and pulled the door to your glass shower. Turning the dial on the shower wall, the chrome wheel moved from the blue to the red section, changing the water temperature. After touching the water a few times with your fingers, your desired temperature finally arrived. 

Hoping in, the warm water began to roll off your back as you closed the door. Stepping fully into the water, your face looked up towards the shower head, and let the water pour over the rest of your body. Reaching to the left; your hand grabbed the bar of soap sitting and lifted it. As your head began to move away from the water, your hand began to raise the soap to your body until a noise caught your attention.

Looking behind you, Saerom entered the shower with you. The smirk on her face was setting off all the alarms in your head. 

“S-Saerom. What are you doing here? I need to…”

“Hey. It’s good for the environment to save water. Let’s shower quickly.”

Taking the bar of soap from your hand, the young woman began to run the white bar over her body. As the soap moved down from her arms, the bar began to lather over her toned abs and moved up. Saerom didn’t have the biggest breasts but she certainly had a pair you loved. In circular motions, the lather began to form around her perky mounds. 

A small giggle left Saerom’s mouth as she pulled your head up. Making eye contact, your roommate gave you a wink and brought the soap to your chest. Just as she did on her chest, the young woman began to rub the soap in circular motions on your body. You were about to say something until your friend spun your body around. The same action as before continued on your back. The smooth touches were very relaxing, causing you to close your eyes and get stuck in thought. 

The relaxing feeling continued until you felt a couple of nubs on your back. Saerom had her breasts on your back.  As your eyes shot open, the young woman’s arm touched your abs and began to work its way down. 

“S-Saerom. We shouldn’t.”

“Doyoon. You know Hayoung is a great friend of mine. She has a rule about the new guys she dates. No sex until 6 months of dating. This is me doing you a favor.”

Saerom’s delicate fingers finally reached your length, wrapping around it in one swoop. Your whole body jolted a bit from the sudden touch on your cock. 

“Look here, sweetie. The throbbing from your cock lets me know you like this. Why don’t you fuck my pussy one last time? Just for old time's sake.”

“B-But Hayoung w-will be here in twenty minutes.”

“Then we better get started.”

The soap on both of your bodies had already washed off in that time. Dropping to her knees, Saerom turned you around once more and looked up at you. Your roommate's hand began to move up and down, getting you harder than before. Bringing her upper body closer, Saerom brought out her tongue and inched it closer and closer until it made contact with your tip.

A quick flick to your tip sent shivers down your spine, causing a small whimper to leave your mouth. Saerom took this as her sign to continue as her tongue moved down your shaft from the left then the right, Saerom’s tongue continued to get your cock wet all over. 

Without any warning, Saerom then plunged her mouth on top of your tip and moved it down her throat. Your hands immediately took hold of your roommate's head and gripped onto her hair. All reason was gone as your hips began to move back and forth into Saerom’s mouth. 

With each thrust into the young woman’s mouth, the more your body began to shake. Taking the lead, Your friend put her hands on your legs and began to shove your length down her throat. Normally your roommate wouldn’t get to deepthroating off the bat, but Saerom knew you had a time constraint. 

Matching her movements, your hip would thrust your length into her throat as she pulled you in as deep as possible. After a couple of times, you decided to pull your cock out of her mouth and give her time to breathe. The sudden slap to your ass caught your attention and brought your vision back down. The scowl on Saerom’s face made you scared. 

“Who said to stop fucking Mommy’s face? You will stop when I say you stop.” 

The sudden warmth from Saerom’s mouth returned around your length. The constricting feeling around your rod was amazing as Your roommate vigorously moved her mouth up and down your shaft. Your hands were suddenly raised once more and brought to the side of Saerom’s head. The glare you got earlier returned. She wanted her face to be fucked. 

Not wanting to disappoint your mommy, you began to thrust with your hip once more. Just like you were slamming into her pussy, your cock continued to get constricted around. As you continued this action, a small sound began to hit your ears. Sure, you were in a shower but this sound was different.

Looking down, your eyes noticed Saerom’s hand down on her pussy. The sounds were of her playing with herself. Saerom needed this just as badly as you did right now. Bringing your hips back, Saerom let go of your legs and brought one hand up to your length. 

Your roommate's tongue returned to your tip and began to move in circular motions around it followed by some strokes from her hand. Standing back up, Saerom laid her back on the shower wall and signaled you to come closer. The air got heavy as you inched closer and closer to Saerom. 

Finally, in front of her, the young woman wrapped her arms around your neck and pulled your head to her neck. Your instincts took over as you began to pepper her neck with small kisses and bites. As you moved further and further down, you felt Saerom’s finger around your cock again. Your cock head began to feel the sticky mess leaking from Saerom’s folds. 

“Put that cock in Mommy one last time. Don’t keep me waiting.”

With a push, your tip began to plunge into Saerom’s cunt. The slick from the woman’s folds leaked onto the rest of your rod as you filled her. A gasp left Saerom’s mouth as you stood there for a few seconds. Pulling back, your strokes began to repeat little by little like you did with her mouth before. 

The warm comforts of her pussy were removed from your mind as Saerom pulled your neck back from hers. A sudden slap to the face shocked you as Saerom tightened her hold on your neck. 

“Stop being a pussy and fuck me. Or do you want your date to come here while you’re balls-deep in my cunt? 

With those words of encouragement, you brought your hips back and shoved your length down her tunnel. With your hands holding her up, your cock began to shove your length down her cunt repeatedly. With each thrust, your speed increased until you were at a steady pace, in and out of Saerom. 

The sound of grunts and moans was all that could be heard with the running water. Your constant pace was good, but not enough for your roommate. The young woman began to move her hips to match your own, filling her as best as possible. Your length could feel the construction around it as her walls tried to keep you inside her at all costs. 

“T-That’s a good boy. You always have such an amazing cock for mommy. T-The perfect length, and girth. F-Fuck even the throbbing from your length is perfect. S-Stay here. Why don’t you just fuck Mommy’s pussy forever?” 

The offer was tempting. Saerom’s pussy was something you had almost every day and it never disappointed. Still, you had to grow up one day and Hayoung was your chance at a real relationship. 

“I-I’m sorry Mommy but Hayoung is almost here and I’m really close.”

“Tsk. Fine. Then you better make me cum one last time before you do.”

Knowing you had no other option, you began to speed up your waist and move faster than before. Moving one of your hands down to her folds your length pulled out of her snatch, exposing the little nub you were looking for. Now found, your fingers began to rub on your roommate's clit as your cock continued to piston in and out of her.

The circular motions from your fingers combined with your cock’s actions caused the moans from Saerom to increase. Your grunts began to match the sounds from Saerom as both your fingers and cock increased in pace. 

“F-Fuck. You’re close sweetie, aren’t you? Me too. J-Just a bit more and you can empty those balls in my pussy.”

A slap to your ass motivated you to give it all you had left. All of your adrenaline shot throughout your body in that moment as you fucked Saerom as ferociously as humanly possible. Your hips could almost break at the rate you were shoving in and out of your roommate. A loud yell hit your ears as you felt a sudden pressure around your shaft. A rush of fluids hit your legs as Saerom began to jolt all over the place.

“F-FUCK!”

Saerom’s nails began to scratch your back as her climax was achieved. Saerom’s orgasm was the catalyst to achieve your own peak, causing you to yell as well. As your cock throbbed, ropes of semen left your tip and filled Saerom to the brim. As the twitches from your cock finished, the two of you were left panting for air. 

With a laugh, you both stood up straight and grabbed the soap again. Your shower had to be a quick one as your date would be there soon, so after 3 minutes you both hopped out. Running towards your room, you quickly entered and noticed a nice outfit placed on the bed. Saerom must have set it out while you first showered. 

Putting on the nice dress shirt and pants, you made your way to the living room and found Saerom relaxing on the couch. Your roommate was in pajamas yet it perfectly fit her curves, just like any other outfit. Standing up, the young woman walked over and began to fix a few things on your outfit. 

“OK then. You look nice. Have fun. This is your last chance to just stay here with me though.”

“That sounds fun but this is what I want.” 

With a knock at the door, Saerom pulled you closer and kissed you on the lips, one final time. Pulling back, the girl walked with you to the front door. Hayoung was familiar with your home so it was an easy meet-up place. As the door opened, you were met with the cutest girl you had ever seen, fit with a beautiful white dress. 

“Oh hi, Saerom. D-Doyoon. You look really nice.” 

“Y-You look amazing Hayoung.” 

“Well then. You two have fun and be safe out there OK?” 

“Yes, captain!”

With a nod, you made your way out the door and looked at Hayoung. 

“Let’s go!”

As you walked away with Hayoung, your mind went back to Saerom and the activities you indulged in earlier. 

You surely are gonna miss having sex for six months. 

[chaoticloving]

So... I had this funny request.. See.. What if Reader is a famous personality? Like they are an actor and a singer at an young age? Like they worked for movies like Harry Potter and marvel and then later on took singing as career option which resulted being an awesome choice as their music skyrocketed. So what if One directions manager arranged a collab with reader? And one direction was also a huge fan of her but Harry had a huge celebrity crush on reader which he had hinted alot of times in interviews which fans could see, reader didn't knew them well only that they were a famous band and she didn't knew their names too? as she was rather busy with her own stuff plus she didn't knew fans shipping her and harry? So when they all saw reader at the office because it was kept a surprise for them with whom they were gonna collab so Harry started fan girling? I mean it's just pure fluff and teen love?

Performance of a Lifetime

harry styles x reader

a/n: lil blurb for ya! changed it a bit! plus some cheesy h for you!

Harry’s never felt more excited in his life, entirely exhausted, but had that excited-about-to-vomit feeling inside of him while practicing this dance routine.

Its how all of one-direction was feeling at the moment. Wanting to drop dead like flys but not because they needed to impress a certain singer, joining them for a charity performance.

Y/n was a house-hold name, from a young age of being a child star, working her ass off to be taken seriously without being taken advantage of, she slowly dipped into the world of music before she started to become the face of the music industry. She was doing a joint performance with one-direction this friday as the headliner for the day.

Harry nearly fainted when his managers told him they were preforming with her; he also didn’t hesitate to go to dance rehearsals when asked too. He needed to make sure his performance was flawless but also needed to work up his abs—and by work up he means create.

This afternoon though, will be the first time him and be the rest of the band meet Y/n. Harry new he had some competition over winning the stars heart; both Zayn and Louis were trying suspiciously hard during rehearsal to outshine one another, and Harry hated every moment of it.

Soon enough though, they were out of the showers and changing into more professional clothing to meet the singer. Harry was tapping his foot, rehearsing how he was going to introduce himself and win over the girl.

“You ready?”

“Huh?”

Niall chuckled and wrapped his arm around Harry as they walked down the long hall. “You’re going to meet your celebrity crush! Big day for you.”

“I don’t have a celebrity crush-“

“Everyone has a celebrity crush. Mine in Selena Gomez.” Niall chided. “I think Zayn likes one of that Hadid girls, Liam likes Miley Cyrus, and Louis likes any celebrity that people say are nice—which I think is a good thing honestly.”

“How’d you know that then.” Harry sighed.

“You remember in X-factor days, those stair videos we did?” Harry nodded. “Someone asked who our celebrity crushes were, and I think yours is the only one that hasn’t changed.

Harry shook his head, ignoring and hoping that Niall is the only one stupid enough to remember whatever video. “But you saw Zayn and Louis in practice today? They were trying much more than normal, no way they don’t have a crush.”

Niall shrugged his shoulders. “She’s hot. Of course they do. I mean, if she talks to me and is nice I might.”

Harry shoved Niall off of him and groaned, speed walking away from his friend and trying to catch up to the rest of the boys.

“Wait up you dolt.” Niall yelled. “Don’t be stupid, I follow the girl code—I won’t date, flirt, or fuck your crush—and the bro code—I will hype you up. Scouts honor.”

Harry sighed. He was grateful for Niall’s help, really; but sometimes it gets a little carried away with matters of the heart.

“Hurry up ya pussys!” Liam shouted from the elevator, holding the door open for the boys. He got a smack from the manager, John, who gave him a stern glare for his word choice.

Harry and Niall got into the cramped elevator and watched as the doors closed. Harry watched the red numbers go up, slowly yet not stopping. He started worrying as he got higher and higher, it was less than five minutes until he meets his crush—he shivered at the thought.

The doors chimed and then opened. The boys pushed each other out, Zayn, Louis, and it seems now Liam were all extra eager to meet Y/n. John walked slowly behind the group, typing away on his phone.

The say the assistant who stood up when the men entered and made a gesture for them to follow her. She knocked on the door. “Y/n you’ve got your entourage here.”

“Entourage-“ Liam questioned, before the door swung open.

Y/n glanced over the boys, giving them a once-over, and then opened the door fully to let them in. “It’s nice to meet you all!” She chided, flashing a quick smile. “Come in! Come in!”

The women turned around and sat at the other end of a long table, filled with mood-boards, pictures, and tons and tons of sheet-filled binders. The rest of them joined on the opposite side. Harry didn’t miss the glance Y/n sent him, it wasn’t as confused as the last time though, it was more…curious.

Harry ignored that thought. He’s just being delusional.

“Alright so one-direction I can’t wait to preform with you all this weekend.” Y/n’s assistant handed her a clipboard, and she flicked through the pages. “I see the songs you want to preform, and I must admit, I’m not hugely familiar with your work and would like to go over them.” Her manager nudged her. “Sorry.” She sighed, clearing her throat. “I’d like to get to know all of you foremost.”

Harry blinked, but Liam didn’t. “My names Liam, huge fan of your work—both music and film. I sing, dance, date, you name it!”

“Alright nice to meet you-“

“I’m Louis. Raised in Doncaster. And I like your work too, especially that one song on your last album—the one that goes like “why not me la la—“

“Would it surprise you if I told you he’s a singer too.” Zayn smirked, hand on Louis’ shoulder to get him to stop. “I’m Zayn, and to make the rest quick that’s Niall and the one on the end is Harry.”

“Hello.”

“Hey.”

“Well it’s nice to meet you all. And I’m Y/n and quite frankly I’m ready to get to work.” The boys nodded in agreement, a little afraid. “So...Story of My Life.”

~

“Y/n how was it preparing for this event with a group of boys? Annoying I bet.” The interviewer asked.

Y/n and the boys were in their stage outfits, less then an hour left until their due on stage. Harry had on his black skinny jeans, and a grey tang top, his tattoos on display—trying to go for the edgy, bad-boy look. Y/n had on black baggie jeans and a tight, cropped bra-like shirt to match. Harry liked how they looked coordinated.

“It’s been a trip, honestly.” Y/n laughed. “I didn’t know much about one direction, but I like to think that that I’ve made some friends.” Y/n giggled as she pulled in Harry, her arm around his neck. Harry was quite shocked, first of all, he wasn’t apart of the interview, and second of all, she considered him a friend!

“Can you confirm Styles?”

“Oh yeah. We’re best friends at this point.” He delivered his million dollar smile (with a hint of desperation in there) and felt the heat from his blush on his cheeks rise up. “Nice break from those losers back there.” Harry pointed to the boys behind him, shooting the shit and trying to look better.

“How cute you two look! All matching! Was this on purpose?”

“Uhh.” Harry didn’t know what to say. Luckily Y/n saved him.

“Of course! Gotta have the main attractions coordinating!” She joked, leaning into Harry’s chest.

“How cute of a couple!” Harry’s jaw dropped and could feel Y/n freeze. “I’ve got the others to interview! Good luck!”

~~

How Harry got through the performance will forever be a mystery. How he will face Y/n again is an even bigger mystery.

After the interviews went on, more and more people questioned or reminded him of his relationship status with the star. He couldn't even get much of a break after the show because they swung into even more interviews, some better than others though.

Y/n acted odd though. Harry thought back to different relationships he has had with women he was friends with, none were this close to him, sometimes the hug here and there but never hand holding or arm around the neck constantly. Harry was getting mixed signals and was scared he was misinterpreting Y/n's actions. But the public eye, and his band mates, were always around watching him so it's not like much could be said without fear of someone knowing.

"Alright, I think that wraps up this interview. Next in two." Some manager said.

"Hey." Y/n whispered. Harry glanced around him, no one was near; the other boys sat on a separate couch from him and Y/n, and no praying ears were about.

"What?" Thats how you flirt Harry? Come on.

Y/n smiled though. "I just wanted to say I liked hanging out with you today."

"Really?"

"I wanted to know if you could hang out again, but without everyone else?"

"Like a date?" Harry gasped, voice not even a whisper.

"Yeah? If thats alright?" Y/n asked, looking at the dreamed out Harry who was rapidly blushing. "H?"

"Get ready boys!" ... "And Y/n."

"H were are almost live." Y/n reminded him, fixing herself up and then him. "Wanna answer?"

"Good afternoon-"

"Yes." Harry interrupted the interviewer, looking over at shocked Y/n. "Of course! I know this great place off of some road-"

Harry got knocked with a pillow by Niall, who gave him a rude look.

"Anything you wanna share mate?" The interviewer asked.

Harry smiled, finally looking where he should of been all this time, instead of the girl next to him. He nodded his head, held up high and straightened his shirt.

"I got a date."

[thecoleopterawithana]

Even though John is under-powered in this period we still see what made him so magnetic to Paul and to others around him. There is a scene early in Part Two that I find riveting. It takes place a couple of days after George has left. The status of everything - the project, the band - remains uncertain, but they are ploughing on for now. John, Yoko, Ringo, Paul and some of the crew are sitting in a semi-circle. Paul looks pensive. Ringo looks tired. John is speaking only in deadpan comic riffs, to which Paul responds now and again. Peter Sellers comes in and sits down, looks ill-at-ease, and leaves having barely said a word, unable to penetrate the Beatle bubble. At some point they’re joined by Lindsay-Hogg, and the conversation dribbles on. John mentions that he had to leave an interview that morning in order to throw up (he and Yoko had taken heroin the night before). Paul, looking into space rather than addressing anyone in particular, attempts to turn the conversation towards what they’re meant to be doing:

Paul: See, what we need is a serious program of work. Not an endless rambling among the canyons of your mind.

John: Take me on that trip upon that golden ship of shores… We’re all together, boy.

Paul: To wander aimlessly is very unswinging. Unhip.

John: And when I touch you, I feel happy inside. I can’t hide, I can’t hide. [pause] Ask me why, I’ll say I love you.

Paul: What we need is a schedule.

John: A garden schedule.

I mean first of all, who is writing this incredible dialogue? Samuel Beckett?

Let’s break it down a little. The first thing to note is that John and Paul are talking to each other without talking to each other. This is partly because they’re aware of the cameras and also because they’re just not sure how to communicate with each other at the moment. John’s contributions are oblique, gnomic, riddling, comprised only of songs and jokes, like the Fool in King Lear. Take me on that trip upon that golden ship of shores sounds like a Lennonised version of a line from Dylan’s Tambourine Man (“take me on a trip upon your magic swirling ship”). “We’re altogether, boy”? I have no idea. Does Paul? I think John expects Paul to understand him because he has such faith in what they used to call their “heightened awareness”, a dreamlike, automatic connection to each other’s minds. But right now, Paul is not much in the mood for it. His speech is more direct, though he too adopts a quasi-poetic mode (“canyons of your mind” is borrowed from a song by the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band) and he can’t bring himself to make eye contact. “To wander aimlessly is very unswinging,” he says (another great line, I will pin it above my writing desk). Then John does something amazing: he starts talking in Beatle, dropping in lyrics from the early years of the band, I Want To Hold Your Hand and Ask Me Why. (To appreciate John’s response to Paul’s mention of a schedule, American readers may need reminding that English people pronounce it “shed - dule”.)

What’s going on throughout this exchange? Maybe Lennon is just filling dead air, or playing to the gallery, but I think he is (also) attempting to communicate to Paul in their shared code - something like he loves him, he loves The Beatles, they’re still in this together. Of course, we can’t know. I can’t hide, John says, hiding behind his wordplay.

— Ian Leslie, "The Banality of Genius: Notes on Peter Jackson's Get Back" (January 26, 2022).

[I was curious to read more of Ian Leslie's approach to the Beatles in general and Lennon-McCartney in particular, since he's currently writing a book about John and Paul's relationship: “John and Paul: A Love Story in Songs". He's also the author of that New York Times opinion piece that came out today.]

[ingravinoveritas]

Just wanted to share a few thoughts on the BAFTAs today, now that I've had a bit of time to process the day's events (and am no longer running around cooking Mother's Day dinner)...

I feel like this was a sort of roller coaster of an event, as so many of us were hoping/expecting to see Michael on the red carpet, given David's nomination for playing Crowley in GO 2. In many ways, it was strange and even jarring to see David without Michael, especially while wearing such a gloriously Crowley-coded suit, but mainly because they are now truly a group of the two of them, a packaged set, peanut butter and chocolate.

And yet, seeing David talking about Good Omens and Michael (referring specifically to the Michelle Visage interview, which I adored just because of how they vibed together, in much the same way that Michael was vibing with Sir Ian McKellen on Graham Norton a few months ago), the way he teased the possibility of more kisses in S3 and so effortlessly ran with Michelle saying "Michael Sheen kisses" instead of "Aziraphale and Crowley kisses"...all of that made it feel like Michael was present. Like whatever mark he and David left on each other after the last six months was fully and completely visible without being visible.

I also loved seeing David so brimming over with confidence and self-assurance--something that wasn't there specifically because of Michael or Georgia or anyone else, but because of David himself. I feel like said qualities are most especially apparent in this gorgeous picture:

We talk so much about the suits and how Joshua Kane or Mithridate dress him so exquisitely, but I think something that gets overlooked sometimes is that what makes these suits look as beautiful as they do is David himself. The way he carries himself when he wears them, and how there seems to be such a perfect congruity between how he feels on the inside and how he looks on the outside. Again, this is not saying that David hasn't worn flamboyant or flashy suits in the past (the velvet ones of course come to mind), but there definitely seems to be something special about him wearing these suits, at this specific moment in time.

I also really loved one particular photo of him with the suit jacket off/sleeves rolled up. Again, it's not only the clothes themselves (and how gorgeously they hang on him), but also how it felt like a moment of just...letting go of something. It also immediately brought to mind the photo of Michael with his bow tie undone at the NTAs after party in 2021:

(Granted I'm fairly certain David is tipsy/a bit drunk in the photo on the left, but somehow that damn hint of a bare forearm felt as daring and racy as seeing an ankle in the Victorian era...)

As to what David was "letting go" of, we can't know for sure, but it looked like something was released, and that he was just so fully present and being himself on the red carpet. I'm so proud of him, so delighted by this new, carefree David that I don't think we've ever seen before, but that I absolutely do hope we will continue to see in the future.

Those are my thoughts on the 2024 TV BAFTAs, for whatever they may be worth. I'd love to know what you all thought of David on the red carpet, and if anyone else noticed some of these things, too...

[onekindredspirit]

This photo is the last remaining evidence that I once stood before the mystic portal of the O.K. Corral. Everything else except memory has been taken with time, and so I deposit this remnant here in salt and light and code. The O.K. Corral was a crumbling, condemned 5 bedroom Victorian villa that featured in my life when I was young. I rented it with a friend for, initially, $40 per week. That price was later negotiated down to 'rent free'. Mr. Fox, our landlord, was seen only once more, and on that occasion he tried to sell the place to us for $10,000. The current market value is around $1.5 million ... but money isn't everything. The O.K. Corral was a 'Dude Ranch' and the definition of that is "... an all-inclusive immersive vacation that includes lodgings, meals, horseback riding, fishing and hiking and more." Okay, there was no horseback riding, fishing or hiking but there were other things going on ... and more. Interestingly, the word 'dude' has changed meaning over the last 140 years. Today 'dude' means something like 'bro' but back in the 1880's, when 'Dude Ranches' first began, it was slang for an urbanite. As I write, things continue to fall into place.

I had known my friend since I was 6 years old. I don't think I liked him much back then. He was an extrovert and pushy when getting the painting resources at school. I didn't sit with him anyway because I was a 'foreigner' and I had to sit next to the only other foreigner in the class, Elizabeth Federinko, a Ukrainian girl who couldn't speak English and drew horses all day. I think it was the horse drawing that eventually drove me crazy or maybe it was something else ... possibly bad blood. Anyway, I'll call my friend 'Bukowski'. By the time we were 20 years old I quite liked the guy. Sure there were other arenas of male competition but I found myself better equipped to deal with those. The cool thing about pushy people is that they make thing happen and 'Bukowski' was no exception. For example, he could cook. We had a litany of weirdos and 'freaks' pass through the O.K. Corral. A note to the sensitive - to be called a freak back then was the highest form of compliment in our subculture. It was all a little crazy and you would be disappointed in me if I told you about life at the O.K. Corral, so I won't. Let's talk about something else. One day 'Bukowski' decided to move to another region of New Zealand, some place warmer that would better suit a boho gentleman with alcohol thinned blood. I have rarely lived alone but for a week I did until one morning I was woken at 1am by someone sitting on the end of my bed and talking to me. I wasn't clear as to what she was saying but I wasn't at all concerned as this was probably 'normal' when you don't lock your doors. Realising I was now awake she turned on the light.

I didn't know her but I knew who she was. I'd seen her riding around the city on a Norton Commando motorcycle which had impressed me because of her small size and once she had smiled at me as we passed each other on a city street. I remember that smile, it was powerful enough to stop and turn me around. It was a beautiful smile. The following morning she returned with her possessions and we shared my bed. I feel I had been looking for this person most of my life but when you dream someone into your life there's a danger that the results may be "... reductive and diminutive and I think basically misogynistic ..." as the writer Zoe Kazan once said in an interview when discussing the 'Manic Pixie Dream Girl' trope. Clementine, in the movie 'The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' warns Joel - "Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours". One thing though, I was never quite sure if she was my projection or if I was, in fact, the projection of her own desires. But I'm comfortable with that. We lived together. She taught me a lot. I gave her love in return. 'Clementine' eventually moved to Australia, a place better suited to her large personality. Years later I was sitting having an espresso at Fidel's Cafe on Cuba Street when 'Clementine' walked past the large plate-glass window. I had only a glimpse of her face but from that brief moment I sensed that she was not happy and that her health was not good. I didn't get up and rush out to catch up with her. I didn't run after her seeking some meaningful reunion. I let her go ... and watched as she disappeared into the crowd. Sometime in the not too distant past I had discovered that the person I had been looking for all through my youth and into later life was myself. I let 'Clementine' go. But the night I wrote this I dreamed of 'Clementine' and it was a beautiful dream.

- One Kindred Spirit

[herotome]

Devlog #125

Hi-ho, Wudge here! Gosh! I missed last week's update.

Happy holidays from Herotome!!

I haven't drawn anything this year-- oh but hmm, I could do a quick edit, here -

Tadah! For anyone who hasn't already seen it, we got those 50 reblogs to make Warden shirtless! A pure version without the christmas lights went up yesterday, just scroll down my blog a bit or check out the #ro: warden hashtag.

I'm pleased with how much mileage I'm already getting from this picture, ha.

Anyway.

Seems like I'm gonna be focused on writing new scenes and drawing expressions for a while. They're some of the more tedious tasks for me, so I'll certainly be looking for every opportunity to do other things on the side - like coding.

Today I've decided that the LI sprites should have their eyebrows on a separate layer from the rest of their face, to offer me the greatest amount of variety in creating new expressions - and I've come up with a naming system for it, too!

I'm looking forward to implementing this. Eyebrow shapes have much, much less variety compared to mouth shapes, so I might even finish drawing every possible eyebrow for every LI sometime soon. I've already gotten a strong start with Warden and Mia's eyebrows.

Speaking of, I did turn in more expressions over on Ko-Fi!

Tadah!! Thank you again to everyone who has donated so far!

I'm realizing that in the set dedicated to Dia, Warden and Mia have the same mouth shape on the upper right side... A fascinating subconscious decision on my part.

Outside of art, I did write... once. Er, it went pretty okay. I'm usually the biggest hater of my first drafts.

I think my goal is gonna be to show off the abilities of all the characters as equally as I can; Warden and Jade have had their time to shine (during the job fair and flying MC home, respectively), and I think MC, Griffin, and Mia are gonna be queued up next.

I'll put the rest under a cut for potential spoilers and further rambling - as always, if you don't see the cut, make sure to check out my blog directly!

I have a good idea of what I wanna do with Griffin (it may or may not involve obliterating your rent debt, and I may or may not have written about that in the first-draft-I-don't-hate).

I've been thinking that this scene would involve a change of clothes btw, and did some fashion concepts for Griffin that I also don't hate;

I'm not super sure what I'm gonna do for Mia's eventual ~special show-off scene~, but I'm sure it will come to me.

For MC, I want to show off her relationship with the city, and showcase how qualified she is for the job in a low-key way. I recently discussed with a friend how Men in Black is a huge source of inspiration for me... Y'all know the scene where Will Smith has his interview and did things differently from all the other candidates?? I kinda wanna capture that vibe...!

And ah... I think that's about it, Herotome-wise.

Wudge-wise, honesty hour - I've had ssssome mild health concerns this year.

I don't want to go into detail; I want to say it's been like... nothing life threatening, thankfully, but a lot of small physical inconveniences that pile up and make it harder to concentrate.

I did rest a lot last week so no worries. <3 It's just that parts of my body have been weird and annoying, and I think it's helpful to acknowledge that the flesh prison can be a weird and annoying place. But I value it! And I'm doing my best to take care of it. Health comes first, etc, etc.

With this new year, I hope you guys take care of yourselves as best as you can, too. The person who's most qualified to take care of you is you!!!

Stay safe and keep warm,

Wudge.

[eponymous-rose]

Wednesday!

Looking at my schedule, I figured I'd shower and have breakfast before the fitness class, then jump straight from there to work. Of course today turned out to be a really intense cardio day and I had to take a second shower and wound up sprinting a couple blocks to be able to actually catch the bus to work. Phew. Good exercise, though, and I made it to my office with five minutes to spare before my first meeting! I did wind up riding the bus with a grad student and an undergrad from our department (I love the anonymity of a decent-sized city, but unfortunately taking the bus to work around 9/9:30 at a job where something like 90% of employees don't drive to work is just inevitably gonna mean you run into people you know). We did the awkward "take off the headphones and say an enthusiastic hello but then neither replace the headphones nor keep up a conversation for the rest of the trip" thing. No staring dramatically out the window while listening to music for me. :( I get an e-mail from my first-year Master's student's coadvisor saying he'll be half an hour late to our meeting, but I don't mind vamping while he's gone.

Time to meet one-on-one with the faculty candidate! He asks some good questions and thankfully carries the conversation, since my brain is made of goop at this point. I think this one would be a great addition to the faculty (we're pretty spoiled for choice, though) - we'll see how the last bits of his interview go today! Two more candidates after him coming through - one tomorrow and Friday and another next week.

Next, prepping for class today - I have to switch around some deadlines and lectures to account for my "WHOOPS there's a holiday on Monday" error. I also send a message to a colleague about nominating a student for that leadership workshop. And, after yesterday's hundred unread messages, I pointedly make sure to clear my inbox before starting the lecture.

Lecture goes really well! I've basically made up for the mix-up earlier and caught up with my schedule. There is a continuing mystery regarding a laptop charger that appeared from the ether and has not been claimed in a while, so I send an e-mail to a student who was absent this week just in case it's his. I also get to chat with one of my students as I'm gathering stuff up after class - she's being flown out to visit UCLA tomorrow to interview for a PhD position! Exciting stuff, although we commiserate over how precarious grad student funding is right now (I also get an urgent message from our department chair re: contingency planning for grants vanishing and, aside from the overall frustration and anger, I am very glad I'm not hiring a grad student this year...).

Next up: a check-in with my fellow scientists on this wildfire project that's just getting started! After all that financial stuff earlier in the week, I'm just glad I finally don't have to slink in as the only one who didn't do my homework. I have the call in about 20 minutes, which isn't quite enough time to grab and enjoy a lunch, so alas, time to snack on some random peanuts I have lying around and envy my colleague the fully-stocked snack drawer she was telling me about yesterday. I also catch up on e-mail (I am determined to stay on top of it today!) and watch some silly videos on my phone because brain is goop. I've got a full hour (at least) after this call to grab a proper lunch, though!

The meeting mostly goes well, although none of us subcontractors can be paid yet because one of the federal agencies involved is freezing its funding and communications despite the EO being stopped by a judge... it's a whole mess. We're planning on things moving forward, but we do need to get paid so we can travel to the site at which we'll be deploying our experimental radars, and this kind of controlled burn doesn't come around often. We're all willing to be flexible on this and see what we can do about it in the meantime. One member of the team offers to send me some data and code from the proof-of-concept testing he's done with these radars so I can learn to work with them before we deploy (or if there's a delay...), which is SUPER kind and helpful, so we agree to set up a meeting soon to go over all of it. Just a lovely bunch of people on this project (there are five of us in our little sub-team). I hope we'll get to do it. One team member's sphinx cat wanders into frame, so the rest of the meeting is blessed by a small goblin, which bodes well.

Aha! Colleague agrees that the student I want to put forward for this leadership workshop is a good pick, so I decide to reach out to him and see if he's interested.

But first: lunch! To the coffee shop! I promise myself I'll cook a proper dinner tonight - I've been eating out too often and I have some great salmon and veggies to roast this evening.

Grants manager has pushed our deadline by three weeks as I requested yesterday. Yesssss. That's now a problem for future me (sorry, future me). I deal with some financial stuff and just unwind a bit (brain still goop! it's a goop-brain day!). I also send the leadership workshop info to the student I'd like to nominate - it's possible he has an internship in mind for this summer and wouldn't be interested, but it's worth a shot!

Great meeting with my first-year Master's student - we talk about this summer school program she's applying for and go over the four short essay-style questions she's working on. The deadline for this is Friday, but I offer quick turnaround on comments if she wants and provide her with a relevant grant proposal that a colleague and I wrote - it should have some tables with info she can use to answer those questions effectively. I also realize that she's missing some fundamental radar knowledge, so I send her the powerpoint slides for the radar lectures I use for the undergrads to get her quickly up to speed.

Up next: the chalk talk for the first faculty candidate of the week! He does a great job describing his research and politely declines a handshake at the end because, and I quote, "Oh my god, my hands have never been this sweaty," which gets a big laugh. We have a less formal exit interview afterwards, and he looks absolutely exhausted but is generally in good cheer throughout. Phew. Another interview down, two to go.

Inbox zeroed out! Time to head home and cook that salmon!

[ohhappyday123]

Office Dynamics - Part 9: Boredom and Bonding

The next day, the office was abuzz with the usual morning chatter as everyone settled in for a new day. You were at your desk, catching up on emails, when Michael's voice came over the intercom.

"Everyone, conference room! We've got a special presentation today. Let's move it, people!"

You exchanged a knowing glance with Jim, who was already rolling his eyes. "Another one of Michael’s 'special' presentations, huh?" he muttered.

You chuckled, grabbing your notepad and pen. "Looks like it. Let’s see what he has in store for us this time."

As everyone filed into the conference room, you noticed Tori, the new intern, setting up a PowerPoint presentation. She looked eager and a little nervous, which wasn’t surprising given the somewhat chaotic environment of Dunder Mifflin.

You and Jim found seats next to each other near the back, ready to endure whatever Michael had planned. Pam gave you a sympathetic smile as she took her seat across the room, while Dwight sat front and center, poised and ready to take notes.

Michael clapped his hands to get everyone’s attention. "Okay, everyone, settle down. Today, Tori is going to give a presentation on improving office efficiency. I expect everyone to listen carefully and take notes. This is important stuff."

Tori started her presentation with a nervous smile. "Good morning, everyone. Today, I'll be talking about strategies to improve our office efficiency, focusing on time management, organization, and workflow optimization."

As she droned on about time management techniques and color-coded filing systems, you felt your attention slipping. You glanced over at Jim, who was doodling in his notebook. He caught your eye and leaned over, whispering, "Who knew there were so many ways to organize paper clips?"

You stifled a giggle, whispering back, "I think we might need an efficiency plan just to get through this presentation."

Jim snorted quietly, causing Pam to glance over and smile knowingly. Just then, Michael shot you both a stern look. "Hey, keep it professional back there. This is serious business."

You and Jim straightened up, trying to look attentive. Tori continued, oblivious to the minor disruption. "Now, let’s talk about the benefits of a clean desk policy. A clutter-free workspace can significantly increase productivity..."

As Tori’s voice became a monotonous drone, you felt your eyelids growing heavy. You fought to stay awake, but the combination of the warm room and Tori's soothing, albeit dull, voice was too much. Before you knew it, you had leaned over, resting your head on Jim's shoulder, and drifted off to sleep.

Interview with Y/N: “I didn’t mean to fall asleep during Tori’s presentation. It was just... really boring. And Jim’s shoulder was surprisingly comfortable.”

Jim glanced down at you, a soft smile playing on his lips. He shifted slightly to make sure you were comfortable without waking you up. Pam noticed and shot Jim an amused look, mouthing, "So cute."

Jim rolled his eyes good-naturedly but couldn’t hide the warmth in his expression. He gently took your notepad and started doodling little cartoons on the margins, glancing occasionally at Tori’s presentation to make sure he wasn’t missing anything crucial.

Interview with Jim: “Y/N fell asleep on my shoulder during the meeting. It was adorable. And honestly, it made the presentation a lot more bearable.”

After what felt like an eternity, Tori finally wrapped up her presentation. "And that concludes my talk on improving office efficiency. Thank you for your attention."

Michael clapped enthusiastically, trying to rally the room. "Great job, Tori! That was very informative. Let’s all give her a round of applause."

The rest of the office joined in half-heartedly, relieved that the presentation was over. You stirred at the sound of applause, realizing where you were and quickly sitting up, embarrassed.

"Sorry, did I miss anything important?" you whispered to Jim, who was grinning.

"Just the thrilling conclusion about the benefits of a clean desk policy," he replied, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

You groaned softly, rubbing your eyes. "I owe you one for not letting me sleep through the whole thing."

Jim shrugged, his smile widening. "Anytime. You looked like you needed it."

Interview with Pam: “Y/N falling asleep on Jim's shoulder was the highlight of the meeting. They’re just so comfortable with each other. It’s really sweet to see.”

As everyone filed out of the conference room, Michael approached you and Jim, looking slightly concerned. "Y/N, you seemed a little out of it during the presentation. Everything okay?"

You nodded, still a bit groggy. "Yeah, Michael. Just didn’t get much sleep last night. Sorry about that."

Michael softened, patting you on the shoulder. "No worries. Just try to get some rest. We need you at your best."

You smiled, grateful for his understanding. "Thanks, Michael. I will."

The rest of the day passed in a blur of typical office activities, but there was a lingering sense of camaraderie and light-heartedness from the morning’s events. Pam and you found a moment to chat at her desk, still giggling about the meeting.

"So, you and Jim are getting pretty close," Pam teased, her eyes sparkling.

You blushed, shrugging. "Yeah, I guess we are. It’s nice."

Pam nodded, her smile widening. "You two make a great team. Both in and out of the conference room."

You laughed, feeling a warmth spread through you. "Thanks, Pam. That means a lot."

Interview with Y/N: “Today was a bit embarrassing, but it also reminded me how great it is to have supportive friends like Jim and Pam. Even in the most boring meetings, we manage to find a way to make it fun.”

As the day drew to a close, Jim walked you to your car, his hand brushing yours in a familiar and comforting gesture. "So, dinner tonight? My treat. Consider it a reward for surviving Tori's presentation."

You smiled, feeling a flutter of excitement. "Sounds perfect. But only if I can stay awake this time."

Jim laughed, opening your car door for you. "Deal."

Interview with Jim: “Days like today remind me how much I enjoy spending time with Y/N. Even the most mundane parts of the job are better with her around.”

As you drove away, you felt a sense of contentment and anticipation for the evening ahead. Life at Dunder Mifflin was full of surprises, but with Jim by your side and the support of your friends, you were ready for whatever came next.

[herrlindemann]

Sonic Seducer - 2008, interview with Flake

thanks to ramjohn for the scans.

While his colleagues from Rammstein are working at full speed in the studio on the still untitled successor to their 2005 album 'Rosenrot', we invited the eccentric keyboardist to our psycho couch for an entertaining one-on-one chat. Flake Lorenz on success, idols and the advantages of not owning a wallet!

What is your profession?

I'm forced to call myself a musician, anything else would be a lie! The last thing that would probably apply to me would be the term entertainer. You can't really call me an artist either...

Why shouldn't you be considered an artist?

Because such a view presupposes that I would make art! Music does not necessarily have to be art at the same time. As is well known, there is also dance music that is artistically less valuable.

Do you still have stage fright before performances today?

I still have stage fright, but mostly in situations where I'm not 100% sure about how the performance will go — like during my solo performance at the Berlin Volksbühne some time ago, for example. I prefer to follow a precise schedule with times and other details. I feel very safe knowing the band is standing here, I'm standing there and the crowd is standing over there etc.

Are you a generally insecure person?

Yes. I chronically doubt myself and all other people and things.

Would you describe yourself as a perfectionist?

Not at all! Quite the opposite: I'm a real Schludrian - fortunately!

What was your career aspiration as a child?

I really wanted to be a piano player. In the early days I had lessons, but I didn't have my own piano. So in my free time I practiced at the kitchen table on sheets of paper that I drew the keys on. At some point my parents saw that I was serious about playing the piano and bought me my own piano.

Were you a good student then?

At first, but later I became very bad. From the 7th grade I basically saw myself as a punk and school didn't interest me that much anymore.

Did you have to be bad at school to be a punk?

No, not necessarily. I became a bad student all by myself... I actually would have liked to have done better. In the early days of Feeling B I was still in 10th grade - when I came home from our performances at the weekend, I couldn't be completely rested and fit again at school on Monday morning!

What do you like?

Shipwrecks.

What do you hate?

Very much! I probably hate a lot more than I like. I couldn't come up with a top 10 hate objects without neglecting the rest of the stuff.

Where is the most beautiful place in the world for you?

At my home in the country, just outside of Berlin.

Who would you want to swap roles with for a day?

Actually with nobody. I've got enough trouble with myself that I don't necessarily have to take on another role!

What do you have in your pocket at the moment?

A tissue.

That's all?

And money. I always keep my money in my ass pocket — I've never used a wallet in my life!

Out of pure post punk conviction?

No. It's just that I wouldn't think of keeping my money in a wallet in real life. So far it has always looked like this: I kept my credit cards loose in my pocket on the front left and small change on the right. In the ass pockets, notes and banknotes for free use. That's how I got through life for a long time. A friend was very concerned that this would scratch my credit cards and ultimately render them unusable. So he gave me a small bag with a magnet closure. However, this magnetic clasp erased the magnetic strips on all credit cards, garage door openers and alarm system code cards the first time I opened it, so I had to apply for everything again! A clear sign of non-improvement! I dare not imagine what could happen if I used a wallet!

How important is success to you?

There's small successes and big successes — it doesn't bother me that a lot of people think I'm great. With the fame I get from working with Rammstein, the positives and negatives are roughly balanced. It is important to develop your own position on these things. If the TV program annoys me, I turn it off — the same with Rammstein: If I don't want to have anything to do with the band, I put my hat on, go to the back room and have my peace.

What will your life look like in old age?

I don't want to say anything wrong at this point. Mick Jagger said at the time there was no way he would still be on stage singing 'Satisfaction' when he was 50... I also never thought I would live very old. The way of life in this band is anything but healthy: the touring life, the flights every day, the excitement, the noise pollution...

Also, there is a lot of drinking. It has gotten better, but in the past people often drank to the point of unconsciousness; especially in the east. Always. With a reason or without.

Do you have idols?

I think Helge Schneider is very good.

What's your biggest fear?

Quite factually: before dying.

What are your goals in life?

There are none today — I'm done, I've done everything I set out to do!

Do you have any regrets?

My only regret is that I didn't do various things. Then nothing.

[dollsonmain]

That Guy helped clean for one day but then went back to refusing to do anything but play video games.

There's still guest-cleaning to do, and I'll have to knock it out before work. I think vacuuming the downstairs should be good enough, though I haven't checked Son's bathroom which is also the guest bathroom, yet, and it probably needs more work.

I also forgot to do the guest room sheets yesterday, I was so worn out. They're in the wash, now.

Then I have gas station work today.

That Guy said the outfit I picked out for the interview and hair and makeup looked good; both appropriate and on me. I don't know why that one website said the dress code was business formal, black, white, grey. Other than the security and police on site who were in full uniforms, everyone else was wandering around in jeans or slacks and polos or simple blouses. Everyone contracted from Goodwill gets a special overshirt they have to wear around, too. That kind of sucks, actually. It looks bad.

I am still VERY unhappy with how the hair spray dried out my hair. I'll have to not wash it for a couple days, let the natural oils reasaturate the strands, and hope that'll be good enough to make it happy again. If not I'll have to try a masque or something. I can't tolerate the texture of my hair being Wrong.

Mail room blather:

I am a little disappointed that it's not an actual mail room, like when I was in the army I would go get the mail, bring it back to the battalion, process any paperwork like package slips, sort the mail into mail boxes, etc.

That's what I was excited about when I saw the job posting. This job is not that.

She said she's looking for both a backup truck driver which I said I'm willing to try but can't guarantee I can drive the big truck (I did not mention the whole auto-accident related PTSD thing...), and a backup manager which of course that wouldn't be expected until I'd been there for a while and was very familiar and comfortable with the processes involved.

So they will go get mail and bring it back, but then the job is to do safety checks like I said, which was a part of it when I was in the army (there was an anthrax scare at the time and we had to take extra precautions etc. so at least I did already get that training), and to open packages and inspect the contents. I guess from there cleared mail gets passed off to someone else to be distributed or maybe representatives from the various departments come to get it or something. I would learn that later. Part of the job is making sure threatening letters don't make it to their intended targets.

She also said there is a LOT of downtime. So much downtime. Some people quit because they get so bored they can't take it. I can bring in a tablet or my phone and watch movies there's that much downtime. I'm not sure if I can be online and bothering you all, though, and am not permitted to take photos/videos in the mail room.

I can take projects, though, so it would be a good time to work on rehairs and the like.

It's kind of funny that I'd be going from being sedentary with no income to being over-worked at the gas station for very few dollars, to being sedentary again just not at home for ok dollars. $30k isn't a lot, here. The cost of living here is surprisingly high vs the population because we're close to DC. But it is a lot for doing not much, you know?

[gifsbysimplysonia]

Sonia’s Trying to Hold Herself Accountable to Just Write SOMETHING Once A Day challenge - Day 15

I have to remember that WRITING SOMETHING every day doesn't have to necessarily be creative writing. I am born of LiveJOURNAL after all :) So today's entry is just a journal entry cuz I'm feeling quite frantic and am hoping this might help me calm the hell down.

I got laid off 6 months ago, I'm almost positive TO THE DAY which was wild to realize. Reduction in force. Never had that happen. It was 5 weeks shy of my 8 year work anniversary. To say I was shooketh would STILL be an understatement and it has been a devastating 6 months ever since.

Because I was employed for at least the last 11 years. On top of that, my last application and interview would have been in September/October of 2016. To say that the job market is different would be a WILD UNDERSTATEMENT. I have been on LinkedIn, Indeed, Dice, and so many other sites, sending in my resume for the last 6 months and other than a handful of rejections and a BUTTLOAD of scam emails AND text messages (why are these things now???) offering me jobs I never applied for and I'm sure don't exist ... I have heard NOTHING back from anyone.

And it's not like I've been applying for jobs I'm wildly unqualified for. I've applied for Data Entry and admin jobs. And yet, I either don't hear anything at all (85% of the time) or I get generic probably AI generated rejections (15% of the time). And to tell y'all that my confidence and self esteem torpedoed into Hell? Again. Understatement. I'm on social media telling strangers who express the same feelings, "PLEASE REMEMBER YOUR WORTH IS NOT DETERMINED BY THIS PROCESS!!" Yet I couldn't internalize that for myself.

Then suddenly, last week, I had 3 different ACTUAL HUMAN BEINGS reach out to me about jobs. First on Indeed.com, someone local reached out to me about a local in office job. Second, I got an email invite from someone from a major company saying they wanted to talk to me on a 20 minute call about a job. Then as I was sitting at my laptop one day, I got a phone call from an area code I recognized as Pennsylvania cuz my first boyfriend was from that state lol so I picked it up ... and it was someone who'd seen my resume on one of the sites I put it up on (I didn't think that ever happened) asking about another potentially local job but unfortunately the commute would be 2 hours a day and just not work for me in that respect.

I can't figure out why I suddenly got a flurry of activity all at once? My brain, wanting to put it into black and white so I could try to make sense of it, wanted to say it MUST have something to do with maybe hiring freezes til the end of Q1? And I have no clue if that might be it or not. I just hope that the trend continues and I get more responses from actual real humans (not scammers)? Please.

I also had NO IDEA just how badly I was in the dumps until I got the first of these reach outs, which was a man from a local company. We had a phone interview first and we talked for about 40 minutes and even though I'm SURE I said too much and wrong things, he had extended an invite for me to go into the office this week. Unfortunately with the pay rate and potential hours he had to offer, it wouldn't make financial sense for me right now which sucks cuz the duties he described sounded RIGHT up my alley, the office only has 5 people in it, he would have no problem with me wearing my mask, not customer facing and it's only about 15 minutes from my residence. The money just isn't there. And I KNOW that a job is a job and in this united states we live in right now, I should probably just settle. But the pay is so far below what I was making at my last position and not even guaranteed full time that ... it just doesn't make sense.

But today I had my 2nd phone interview with the big company that extended me an invite. It was a Teams calls so I thought I'd have to be on camera. I went and got an emergency haircut and my hair re-purpled on Tuesday lol to be sure I didn't look like Hell only for her to tell me my camera didn't need to be on AND us having to switch to phone cuz I kept cutting out. Again, though, she liked what I had to say enough to pass me onto the NEXT interview (I've read stories of people having to go through FIVE ROUNDS of interviews for positions only to get ghosted?!?!), but the next interview is AN HOUR LONG.

.......what on Earth would I talk to anyone about IN A WORK ENVIRONMENT for 60 full minutes? I reached out to someone I trust (the only good manager I had at my last position and he wasn't even ever officially my manager) to ask for advice and he said be myself and answer honestly and if they ask me those questions that go "Tell me about a time..." and I don't have an actual example? LIE because they are trying to get to a certain quality so I need to figure out what that quality is and answer to show that I have it.

But guys, I'm SUCH a nervous Nellie and I just don't think I should or would EVER "be myself" around strangers for 60 minutes lol strangers don't deserve that but also? I'm a lot. I'm too much. I'm a mess and I just ... I don't know what to do lol

I've accepted the invite and it's set for 12:30pm CST next Wednesday but OMG I am shaking in my boots. Cuz I just ... for 6 months I've been made to feel unqualified and unworthy. Then suddenly, some people FINALLY saw something in words about me that prompted them to reach out to me cuz they think I have SOMETHING that might work out. And that's been a balm to my soul.

The possible new position would be brand new work for me, which I'm up for cuz not only do I think I need a challenge at this stage in my life ... it's an opportunity to REALLY HELP people with important stuff. And my heart and soul have been SCREAMING to please try and ideally find work that means something to a greater collective. I didn't think I'd ever find that but it's possible this position is. And it's fully remote so Halleloo. It's just that once again, the pay isn't quite there. Buuuuuuuuuuuuut, is the pay ever going to be there? I'm guessing no and with the state of things where I live ... while the ideal is NOT to settle, I'm afraid I just should. People I talked to today have said, "If you find out you don't like it, it's not permanent, you don't have to stick with it if it turns out to not be for you." Which is funny because that never occurred to me because I'm the type of person that once I make a commitment, even if I'm miserable? I don't think about leaving cuz I committed. And how foul would it be to sign onto something, make the company think they found someone, then a few days in be like SORRY PEACE! and leave?

Sigh. Idk. If anyone has any advice or anecdotes they want to offer, please feel free. I'm open to advice, words of wisdom, or just well wishes lol

If by some miracle you read through all of this: