#so they are still best friends and do their classic shenanigans

[sungjinhos]

I THINK WE MARRIED IN VEGAS

✷ You and Jeonghan have always been friends, and friends go on a trip together, right? And somehow friends always end up marrying in Las Vegas right? And somehow friends become roommates as well right? That all seems very normal when Yoon Jeonghan has a weird addiction to doing the dumbest things ever just for shock value.

✷ genre: comedy (?), angst, smut (minors don't interact)

✷ word count: 28.244

✷ featuring: Yoon Ttoram, Choi Seungcheol, Lee Seokmin, Kim Mingyu as the unnamed satan-spit roommate one night stand, and Xu Minghao as the gothic impasto painter guy. 

✷ thea’s note: hey y’all this is my longest fic yet so I’m weirdly proud. I had fun writing this and trying to figure out how to build this Jeonghan and yes I did rewatched the birth of Ttoram while writing this. By the way - love you guys but the whole credit/debt/buying a house is just for plot I do not know how any of this works in America (and it is mainly set in America because I needed Vegas lol) <3 So bear with it. Also thanks to @wongyuuu for keeping me company in this nanowimo challenge, and thaks to @toruro Mika you are the best <3 thank you for reading this 

✷ Smut warnings under the read more ✷

✷ smut count: lost count of how many times Jeonghan thought he was going to cum on his pant, 1 dick sucked, teenagers level of horniness, non penetrative sex still sex, a lot of kissing, a 3 second of cumplay still a cumplay i guess. 

"Should we do it?" you hear Jeonghan ask, his face focused on something outside the car’s window. The lights of all the neon signs dance on his face and features—like a scene from a movie. He looks tired and overworked even though you are somewhat on vacation.

"Do what?" you ask, trying to understand what he meant. Maybe he was talking about a hotel spa and you missed the beginning of the sentence because you were too lost in your own thoughts? Yeah, a message would be a lifesaver right now.

"That," he says, pointing at one of the hundreds of little chapels in Las Vegas. This one has a deal sign in big and bold letters—an Elvis Presley priest, a bouquet, a professional photographer, and a bottle of champagne for half the price. Well, you never thought about off-season in Vegas, but maybe business was a little rough at this time of the year, but to be quite honest that did seem like a great deal—the shopaholic in you would fall for it if it didn’t involve marriage.

"Are you drunk already?" you ask. Even though you have known the man for years, you still can’t read Jeonghan properly.

Sometimes you think about how he is a book that is written in a different language, and you couldn’t have access to him without a dictionary on the side. Jeonghan does look like a classic—he is well put together, he is fancy, and he would be one of those books that have an embellished spine—the prettiest book on your bookshelf. But at the same time, he is one of those books that need commentaries on every page because somehow the author didn't care about giving enough context or didn't think his work would survive so many years. And one that the storylines end up being totally fucked up, so basically a Russian classical.

"No, I'm painfully sober," Jeonghan says while leaning his head on the window of the car. It almost makes you laugh when you hear the loud sound of him bumping his head, even the Uber driver who didn’t utter a word turns his head back. "It's just," he starts again, "I heard Seungcheol talking about it, and it seems nice to be married."

"What are you talking about?” you say in disbelief,  “Seungcheol is not married yet, he is having a bachelor party in Vegas. He is drinking his weight in alcohol and spending the college tuition of his firstborn in the casino. You and him know about the same thing about marriage, which equals barely anything."

“Yeah but he did talk about all the perks—Oh thank you,” he notices that the Uber finally arrived at the hotel feat casino and all the Vegas shenanigans. Jeonghan holds the car door for you, like a true gentleman—you almost scoff. “What I was trying to say is, Seungcheol did talk to me about being married, it doesn’t feel like a bad deal at all.” Again, he holds the door for you.

“So we should just get married in Vegas because Seungcheol said it is a great deal?” you ask Jeonghan like he said the stupidest thing ever, which is partially true. It was one of the stupidest things he’d ever said to you, and you’ve known the man for years—you’ve witnessed a fair  amount of his stupidity, all laced with his all-knowing smile. Every time you tried to understand what he was talking about it always left you feeling like this man was insane.

“I mean? What would you lose?” Jeonghan asked, crossing his arms after pushing the elevator buttons—one for your room, the other one so the door closes faster (he is one of those people).

“A lot?” you say almost laughing. What the fuck? It resonates in your mind, almost like the words are bumping the walls of your cranium, like the old Windows 98 screensaver logo.

“Yeah? Like what?” Jeonghan asks and the ping of the elevator makes sure both of you know that it arrived before opening the door.

“Freedom,” you say, trying to stay normal and not succumb to Jeonghan—you both hear someone saying,“Hold!” across the hall. Jeonghan just smiles and clicks the button to close the door. Maniac really, without basic education. To be fair though, it was a frat dude with another frat dude who could wait for the next elevator without dying, but still.

“Come on, you are a book editor. You love everything that has nothing to do with freedom, you love rules and everything that shackles you.” You scoff hearing Jeonghan’s words.

You want to argue, you want to kick and scream and pick a fight because is he basically calling you boring right? He is totally calling you the most boring person he’s ever met, and you are in Vegas - and still, somehow, you are the boring girl. But he is right about it—you do not leave your comfort zone, you do not do crazy very well, and you don’t even drink that much because losing control of situations makes you slightly insane. And Jeonghan is right because he is one of your closest friends, and you talked about it with him, he even knows how this is a recurrent topic in your therapy. Asshole.

“Well, still don’t give me the urge to marry you, your sales points are awful—how do you hold your job?” You ask side eyeing your friend, well, if you wanted to marry someone calling them boring is not the right way to do it.

“I do a better job when I need to sell to investors, I’m not giving my all right now since you are not paying me,” Jeonghan says, leaving the elevator and looking back at you. Well, not giving your all when you are asking someone for marriage - number two mistake.

“I’d hope so, otherwise your name would be number one in the next layoff,” you say rolling your eyes.

“Come on,” Jeonghan scoffs. “You didn’t hear Seungcheol talking about the benefits," he says, opening the door to your shared hotel door. The deal was to sleep in a weird hotel that may have bedbugs or share a room and a bed with Jeonghan in a more upscale hotel whose bathroom didn’t look like a crime scene. Not a difficult decision, to be quite honest.

“Is Seungcheol now a pro-marriage coach?” you ask, taking off your shoes and leaving your bag on the nearest chair.

“Probably, I mean, the side money would be crazy,” he says, taking off his watch and leaning against the table, again crossing his arms. “What I meant is did you ever think about the tax deduction, health insurance benefits, leave benefits? Also, Seungcheol did remind me that the bank raises the chance of getting approved credits if the spouse has a great credit history.” 

“Yet he is the one marrying because he loves his girlfriend,” you remind Jeonghan, because apparently he is forgetting one the key ingredients of marriage in contemporary societies - love, affection, and a dose of “I love you but leaving with you every time you forget the toothpaste open is making me thinking about how life in hell would look like.”

“Right,” Jeonghan scoffs, making you even more curious.

“What would you need credits for?” you ask. Jeonghan is an unmarried and childless man, who works on investments, travels twice a year, and has a car. You on the other hand work in a crumbling industry - books, who reads books? - don’t travel a lot and your car is like twelve years old.

“Marry me and I tell you,” Jeonghan answered without letting the ball drop, quick on his feet like always, you could never catch this man.

“Tell me and I will think about it,” You try to pry.

“A house.” He says earnestly.

Again - you know Jeonghan, and you know your friend is a lunatic, but you also know when he is being completely honest with you. The man did want that house, which was completely weird. Jeonghan was a city guy, he was living in a rented apartment sure, but it was a great apartment, it even had a view. He worked downtown, why would he need a house?

“A house?” You try again, trying to get more details of what the heck is making your friend go crazy out of a sudden.

“Yeah, a house.” He says shrugging like it is the most common thing ever, maybe it is a well-known scheme of marrying for taxes and credits that you don’t know, maybe you are late. Maybe you are outdated putting together marriage and love in the same sentence, maybe, the world has changed. “Will you marry me?” Jeonghan asks you in his dullest voice ever like he is tired and completely bored.

“No.” You deadpan.

“Come on, at least pretend that you are thinking about it,” Jeonghan says, lying on the bed horizontally, his face is now closer to you and his legs are too big so they hang out of the bed, like a kid almost. “It has four bedrooms so you can move and say fuck you to Laurel the accountability girl.”

Well, that makes you think about it. He should have started with that. Maybe if he just proposed a new roommate scheme you would’ve said yes in the uber.

“I don't hate her that much,” you lied through your teeth, you hated that girl. You blamed the real state crisis because the rent was crazy, sharing the apartment was a good deal on paper, and half of the rent money went to your savings account so you could live in peace - Jeonghan actually advised you on how to save and where to invest if you wanted to retire quickly, but you never really thought about buying shares and selling shares and the whole ordeal.

“Fuck you,” He laughs, “every week I have to hear you complain how she lets food go bad and how it leaves your fridge stinky enough to make you almost puke, and that only happens when she doesn't food go bad on the kitchen counter or wait, do you remember when she forgets to lock the door two times last week?”

“Well, I am sorry if I have listened to true crimes podcast enough to be actually aware of the horrors of being a woman and how serial killers are out there just waiting for you to sleep with the fucking door open,” you say like you are the most reasonable person ever.

“And you are right, what I am saying is that I would lock the door so no one can enter the house, I would be a better roommate.”  

“Sure we do not have to marry to be roommates we can look for suitable places in our price range,”

“Look at this,” Yoon Jeonghan says, fiddling with his phone, “It has four bedrooms, three and a half bathrooms, the kitchen is great, it has a backyard and a solarium.”

“Fuck-”  You say, sitting on the bed, your thigh close enough to his arm that you feel the warmth of his skin, “that’s, that's crazy.” 

“I know,” he says turning on the bed and closing his hand on his stomach like he is dead, just staring at the ceiling, “The price is not bad either, one of my clients is trying to sell so he can invest in a new startup so it is not actually in the market right now but will be in a few weeks so-”

“Did you try to get the loan?”  You ask, finger still going on his phone looking at different pics of this completely perfect house. All the rooms were big, and with natural light - crazy. The Solarium looked like a thing out of this world. And you could see yourself living there, if you had enough money you could live the dream, but that house was just out of your price range. God, with that garden you could have a dog. Damn.

“I don't want to pay interest to a bank,” Jeonghan almost whines, because he knows how this whole thing works and how he would have to pay the loan and half of the loan because banks are greedy bastards.

“Can I have two bedrooms?”

“What do you need two bedrooms for?” Jeonghan asks, finally looking at you and dropping his i-am-almost-dead act.

“My room, one office,” you explain. You know the office would be the one with two larger windows facing the garden. Oh what a joy - to build a life you would never live, it was indeed one of your favorite hobbies, maybe that’s why you love books so much.

“Ok, I guess. I can make something out of the basement.” Jeonghan replies nonchalantly making you laugh.

Maybe that’s why you two were friends, you had a great time speaking nonsense to one another. You both just kept feeding into whatever fantasy you built, like reality could not touch everything. You and Jeonghan had this weird pattern of just sitting, eating and talking for hours and hours about whatever that had nothing to do with the truth. What would you do if you won the lottery? What would you do when you retire? What would you do if you woke up on a desert island? What would you do if your boss was imprisoned for embezzlement? Ok not the last one, scratch that, this one actually happened.

“I can give you 5% of the price tag, and we can share the loan if it matches my current rent price range, but we need to actually draft something with a lawyer later so we can only sell the house to ourselves, I don’t trust you enough to buy this house without a lawyer on my side.”

“Dude-” Jeonghan jerks on the bed, he sits and turns his body to face you. “Wait, do you hate Laurel that much?”

“Yoon Jeonghan, do you want a marriage to up your credit score or what? I paid my student loans in record time, the banks love me.” 

“I don’t know if you are joking or not,” He tells you. 

"Can you call room service?" You ask heading to the bathroom, while you tie your hair - like you are preparing yourself for a dire work task - maybe talk to a translator about a deadline, they are worse than writers, "I think we will need more alcohol." 

"Wait," you hear Jeonghan's voice echo through the door, "are we actually gonna do it?" 

You are joking. 

And you know Jeonghan was too. With the years of knowing him, you knew that the majority of things that left Jeonghan's mouth had a shock value purpose. Induce distress first, we talk about truth later - or never. That made you 100% sure that you would never marry that man. You knew him enough - twelve years, since high school. He knew you as well - he knew all your teenage traumas, all of your romance fiasco, and he met all of your exes. 

You would never, never, marry that man.

Right?

Oh fuck. Oh fuck.

When you open your eyes and the white ceiling greets you, you can hear yourself groaning almost involuntarily. Your head aches. You know you will regret everything that happened the night before, even though you don't know what actually happened, and what you need to hold yourself accountable for. But you know the taste of a life-changing hangover that has a side dish of regret and a cup of shame to go. But it couldn’t possibly be so bad right?

Ok, maybe moving your body was not the very first thing to do. You try to open your eyes again. Well, at least you were in your own hotel room. Jeonghan is by your side, his arm across your stomach and somehow his face is near your armpit. You try to sniffle yourself, but so far doesn't like you are actually stinky. Your deodorant was doing a great job so far, maybe it actually has a 24-hour action or something like that.

You try to lift yourself up, sitting in the bed, head in hand because everything spins. Oh God help you. Besides the headache you feel sticky and sweaty, and all gross. You can't believe you didn't shower, and if you didn't shower you didn't take your makeup off, and if you didn't take your makeup off you totally threw your 43-day steak of doing your skincare routine. Fuck. Maybe you could just delete the app, or pretend that yesterday never happened. Deal with the blank day that screams how bad you fucked up was not an option though, it would never happen.

“What the fuck did we drink?” You hear Jeonghan's hoarse voice. You take the hands off your eyes, the clarity feels like punching your cornea and brain, and Jeonghan's state is not very different from yours, his shirt is open and ruffled, his arms are shielding his eyes from the light entering the room, his hair is messy and he looks like he needed four days of sleep.

“Fuel? Petrol? Satan spit in a cup?” You answer dropping yourself on the bed again, every joint of your body aches. It is ridiculous how you feel trapped in a 90 years old body, and like that is not enough you feel nauseated beyond words. And every time you can feel and hear Jeonghan breathing it feels like it is piercing your skull, would be rude to ask your friend to stop breathing and just stay completely still? He would understand, right?

“Do you think room service can get us some painkillers?” He groans lifting himself up this time, “Or maybe a gun?”

“Can you call them? I think I will puke if I sit for more than half a minute,” you say, your hand going into your mouth as if it would actually help if the worst-case scenario happened.

“I think I can, the problem is that you need to get me the phone,” Jeonghan tells you groaning between words. His hand points to the object and there is no way in hell you are moving to get that, that would mean you getting up and turning and being alive altogether.

“I can't I told you I gonna puke,” you try to explain how serious your condition - also known as hangover - is.

“It is by your side of the bed" He groans again and yet he sounds just like a petulant child, maybe it is a gift.

“I can't I will puke on the carpet it only makes things worse,” you try again, “or worse I can puke on the bed, you included in the radio of the vomit you know it splashes.”

“Ok, stand still,” Jeonghan says, “don't kick me, I'm doing it for both of us”

And you do as you are told because being still right now is the only thing you can do - even moving your eyeballs seems too much right. So Jeonghan just dropped his body on top of yours, he is also sweaty, and he reeks of alcohol. Damn, he actually smells like gasoline. He picks up the phone and presses a few buttons. His body is still above yours, pressing into you.

“Be quick you are pressing my blade," you say after the surprise of having him against you fazes out.

“What the fuck do you need to pee or vomit? Ah yes, hello,” He says changing his voice in the middle of the sentence from something that says intimacy is a disease to his customer service voice without pausing, “hm do you guys have room service that includes painkillers?” He waits, nodding his head as he hears something before he remembers his on the telephone. “Oh okay, thank you, can you send it? Oh yeah great, yes if you can do that, yes, pancakes, toasts with poached eggs and avocado, coffee hmm” he thinks about it, looks at you, thinks about a second or two, and then adds, “Can you send us four cups of coffee? Thank you.”

Jeonghan finishes the call with a groan leaving his mouth, he places the phone on its holder. But when you think he will get himself off of you he only plops down, his body weight getting heavier. His bones poking your body, what the fuck he was doing with your elbow on your ribcage?

“Jeonghan what the fuck-" You complain, trying to kick your legs in a vain attempt to make your friend move.

“I got us painkillers and food, let me recharge for a bit stop complaining,” Jeonghan says in a dead tone of voice, almost like he is dealing with a kid throwing some type of tantrum - the only thing is that, in this occasion, the child is you and somehow you want to kick his shin, because you are the one right in this situation, and you could totally just plop down in a mall disgusting floor if Yoon Jeonghan was your father too.

“You are heavy!” You try again but somehow Jeonghan is stronger than you think and his body is still over yours like nothing is happening, maybe you are just dehydrated and fucking muscle-less, maybe the yoga wasn’t doing much when you almost killed your liver.

“I am not,” Jeonghan says, now he is the one being the moody child in the supermarket, maybe he will go off without parental supervision. Oh wait, this was Yoon Jeonghan he actually did wander away when he was out about with his parent and ended up three blocks away just because he saw an ice cream truck. Jeonghan was the easiest kid to be kidnapped, you ask yourself how he ended up being safe and sound, and in one piece.

“Just because you are skinny it doesn’t mean you aren’t heavy.” You try again pushing on Jeonghan bony shoulder, even that is pointy. “bones are heavy too, get off of me!”

“You kind of stink," Jeonghan says, his head still lodged in the space between your neck and shoulder.

“Well you asshole you are not better yourself, and you are stinky too and sticky like you showered in bear or something.”

“Maybe I did, I don’t know I can't actually think,” He groans finally trying to lift himself up, “We should shower,” he says sitting on the bed and looking down at you.

“You go first,” both of you say at the same time

You end up going first. Mainly because you needed to pee and you think that once you are up you may as well just use the opportunity to shower otherwise you would just drop dead on the floor and never get up again - you will be stinky and gross forever. Also, you think that if hell breaks loose and Jeonghan actually pukes you at least already used the shower. Back in college, he puked on the sink because it was the closest thing to the door, or whatever poor excuse he came up with, and that scene still haunts you, because somehow the sink was clogged. Ew, you think, finishing peeing and wiping yourself up. You wash your hands and say thank you for your past self because your necessaire is splayed on the counter, you pick up your face wash and head to the shower. Ok, let's deal with it. You need to wash your hair too. You open the register, letting the water hit your foot in an attempt to get just the perfect temperature.

You close and open the registers a few times - to fix the temperature, but you not gonna lie, to make up your mind too. But when you let the water hit your face - in an almost drowning attempt, you know you made the right decision, shower first was the only option. You let the water wash away for a few minutes until you are ready to really start your shower. First step - wash your face. Well, you needed to buy a new face wash this one was in its last few stages of life, you close your eyes and start to rub against your skin, normal, until you few something slightly different on your hand - almost like scratching the skin, you open your eyes and you finally notice, a band on your finger.

You turn your hand and it finally hits you.

It is a ring.

With a big rock.

In your ring finger.

A big damn rock on your ring finger.

“Yoon Jeonghan” you scream in horror.

On the other side of that door, Jeonghan just hears you scream. He actually picks himself up in record time and room towards the bathroom, oh shit did you just fall and hit your head? Did you break the glass of the fancy hotel shower? Are you dying? So without thinking much Jeonghan opens the bathroom door and he just finds you - completely naked and seemly okay, just staring at your own hand.

“What happened?” He asks trying to catch his own breath, maybe he does need to start working out man, he didn’t feel this horrible when he was hitting the gym after shifts, but also he didn’t feel that great either the whole gym rat thing was not his ordeal.

“What did we do?” You ask still in complete horror, not even thinking about how this is the first time Yoon Jeonghan, your friend is seeing you completely naked. 10/10 would not recommend this experience. Not even to Laurel, her satan spit roommate.

“What? Are you going crazy? I thought you fell and opened your skull or something,”

You just look at Jeonghan, dead in his eyes, like the reality is worse than falling in the bathroom, opening your skull and calling the paramedics naked. You just turn your hand to him - like it is enough to make him understand what a dire situation it is. And you swear to god you can almost see the little flakes of light on the bathroom floor, the rock is big enough to shine across the room.

“Did you call me to show me your ring? Couldn’t you wait until you put your clothes on?” Jeonghan asks leaning into the doorway.

“Jeonghan did we-” you say but you feel your own throat closing around itself, it can’t be right?

“Hm?” he asks without a blink of an eye.

“Oh we did, we totally did," you sighed, more to yourself than to Jeonghan.

“No, you are not that crazy,” he claimed. What is that even was supposed to mean? He was crazy enough for it but you the two goody shoes wasn’t?

“Jeonghan check your bank receipt,” you demanded, trying to connect the dots in a way, trying to find a physical proof, maybe you just bought a way too expensive ring for yourself, or maybe it was just impulse buying.

Before you can move Jeonghan almost runs towards the room, you try your best to keep up with him but you are a little behind because for the first time, you actually are aware of how naked you are. You pick up the fluffy bathroom robe - yeah the fancy hotel had its perks.

“Oh fuck” you can hear Jeonghan before you can see him, his phone it’s on his lap, his head is on his head - he is a man defeated.

“Did we?” You try to probe, but your voice sounds weird in your own ears - almost small, and the reality hits you, you are kinda scared. The reality of maybe having fucked up hits you like a trunk, you always been a nice girl, you never fucked up - at least not that bad, what would you mean if you married on a drunk whim?

“I think,” Jeonghan says, his hand on his greasy hair, fuck he needed a shower. “I think we fucked up real bad.”

You sit beside Jeonghan, you both staring at the wall ahead of you in disbelief. You are still gross, but now your damp hair is actually dropping on the bed and you can’t bring yourself to care. The fact that Jeonghan is motionless by your side without uttering a word is what freaks you out more. Jeonghan is not someone who is fazed so easily - his mouth is agape and his eyebrows furred, the ‘i-am-utterly-stressed’ Jeonghan feature is what freaks you out really.

“Ok Hannie,” you breathe softly. “That’s what we are going to do, I am going to shower, then you are going to shower, we gonna eat breakfast, then we are going to return this ring, then we are going to call Joshua, he is a lawyer, right? He probably will know what to do.”

“Joshua is a real estate lawyer,” Jeonghan mutters without blinking.

“Jeonghan focus!” You say getting out of bed, “divorce is a thing we don’t need to stay married.”

You take one of the longest showers in human history. You needed a good shower, but, the majority of the time under the shower you think about how the hell you got so drunk to marry Jeonghan. Some flashes of memory blink on the forefront of your mind every time you blink; a vegas chapel, not an Elvis but an Elton John in front of you, Jeonghan picking one of the most expensive ring in a fancy story. How the fuck fancy jewelry runs for twenty four hours?

Every flash comes with a sharp pain, the fucking headache.

When you get out of the bathroom the breakfast is already in the room. You take a bit of egg and toast just so you can shove coffee down your throat without having to deal with the stomach pain. You search the ring case and don’t find anywhere, maybe it is safe on Jeonghan’s thing, maybe he kept it safe, or you hope so. When you sit on the bed you stare down the ring, it is a beautiful ring and you are pretty sure it is something Jeonghan chose, it is beautiful, but at the same time, it is just too much.

You need to return it, no doubt about it.

You try to take the ring one and somehow it doesn’t even budge. You scoff, what a tricky little thing. So you try again, and again the thing doesn’t move. You can feel the drop in your blood pressure, what the heck? You lost track of the time when Jeonghan opened the bathroom door and you looked at him in shock, you look down at your red and bloated finger.

“This shit is stuck in my finger?” You say trying to take off one final time before just breaking your finger.

“Well, I think this is a good time to tell you,” he starts his voice all weird and over the place, “I kinda fucked up.”

“Jeonghan we are apparently married I already know we fucked everything up.”

“No, I-” Jeonghan begins, his hands now going through his washed hair, still wet and dripping on the floor, “I found a shred receipt and an invoice.”

“What the fuck?” You almost yell in pure knee-jerk reaction.

“I think it is yours now?” Jeonghan shrugs, like it is not a big deal even though you know that this ring is expensive, it must be, it has a giant rock and even though you know close to nothing about jewelry it looks expensive.

“What happened to us?” You question.

“You ask me? You don't remember anything?" Jeonghan says sincerely, and you know it is true. Jeonghan was kind of a prankster, he kinda did push people to its limit, but part of it was just doing fun things but also harmless shit. Like entering the beach at night, or hiding someone’s phone and pretending they did leave in the hotel so they can enjoy the trip without being bombarded by their special someone - read Seungcheol yesterday at lunch.

“Can we call Joshua?”

“I think we can do that later,” Jeonghan checks his watch, “I think it would be wiser just to show up to Seungcheol’s lunch and pretend that mini golf is fun, it would bring suspicious otherwise.”

“Jeonghan we married we didn’t commit a crime,” you say looking at him in disbelief.

“Do you want to deal with Seungcheol’s monologue about us getting married? I don’t think I want to deal with that with a killer hangover after a wedding walk of shame in fucking Las Vegas,” he drops. And God, that really sounds like a nightmare.

“Yeah,” you say looking at the big rock on your thing, “you are right, but we should probably still call Joshua,”

“I told you he is a real state lawyer didn’t I?” He says almost rudely to you, and you want to say that if you two are married both of you said yes it is not like you are the only one responsible for it but you try not to push his buttons.

“And what is your option Jeonghan?”

“I’m thinking about just getting drunk again so I can forget everything that is happening right now.”

What a fucking great idea.

Seungcheol is one of Jeonghan’s closest friends from college. Seungcheol just became your friend because you and Jeonghan were weirdly bound at the hip. You both shared your high school years, and when you two enrolled at the same university you only had two options, pretend you two didn’t know each other, or become conjoined twins. Jeonghan was a business major, you were enrolled in every class that had literature, poetry, or the name of a dead guy on it. But still, you and Seungcheol became great friends even though he is a finance guy. And Seungcheol was the reason you two were on a Vegas trip, the last trip of his life as an unmarried man, he had to make a sketchy deal with his fiancé in order to it to happen but still, according to him, it was worthy.

“Nice shot!” You hear Seungcheol's voice loud, bringing you back to reality. He is clapping as Seokmin - one of his other friends from work hits the ball down the hole.

Seungcheol’s voice, loud and clear, brings you back to reality.

Oh the joys of playing mini golf before lunch, you could spend days and days talking about how much you loved the idea and how every hole seems like a fucking nightmare but you are a married woman. Needless to say this whole situation wasn’t in your 2023 bingo card. You don’t pay attention when it is Jeonghan or Seungcheol’s turn, you wait until you have to put the ball in the hole, it probably takes you double the time, and then it starts again, ad infinitum. At least they are kind enough to not pressure you to perform like Tiger Woods or something.

You think about Jeonghan though. Somehow, he hasn’t changed. Jeonghan was the same Jeonghan you met in high school, of course, he matured and the years turned into baggage, but Jeonghan was still your friend who was playful enough to get married on a whim. Jeonghan was everything you weren’t in a way, somewhat playful and carefree, and still a very practical human being. Jeonghan was mischievous, but yet, not even once, he pushed you until you couldn’t take it, and that makes you think that somehow, with an unknown reason, in your drunk stupor, you wanted to marry Jeonghan, because hell can break loose, the skies can fall, but Jeonghan would never make you do something you did not want to do.

While Jeonghan and Seungcheol are busy hitting those tiny balls Seokmin stops by your side. You like Seokmin, Seokmin is kind, and you constantly think about how he is surviving the finance world, he doesn’t seem cut to it, but somehow he manages to stay alive against the monsters of capitalism, or, worse, he stays alive feed the monsters of capitalism. Ew. Seokmin’s face though seems focused on another thing, he looks in shock and happy at the same time, he probably did the whole hole in less than three shots you think.

“Oh my god,” He almost screams making you jolt in place, in all truth that was pretty much a common occurrence when your day to day involved Seokmin.

“Hm?” You question puzzled, looking at him trying to find a clue of something behind his feature when Jeonghan and Seungcheol finally join the two of you on the sideline.

“What is that?” Seokmin asks and you still without a fucking clue of what he is talking about. “Damn,” he says with his big smile across his face, making the tip of his nose get even more pronounced, “are you guys planning a surprise and I just ruined it?” His face changes in a blink of an eye.

“What surprise?” Jeonghan questions taking a drink of his gatorade like he was in the middle of an excruciating sport and not fucking mini golf after an unsafe amount of alcohol.

“That thing!” Seokmin cheered, and then it downs on you - the big ass ring on your hand, propped on the golf putter, and before you can hide it or chop your hand off the three man in your sight is eying the big damn rock that you forgot about,

“The what?” Seungcheol blurted.

“This is an engagement ring right?” Seokmin asks and you think about an ostrich, putting its head on the ground, you think you can do the same in one of the circuit's holes.

“No, it isn’t, how the hell they are engaged when they aren’t dating?” Seungcheol scoffs, acting like Seokmin is saying something that doesn't make sense, something that happened numerous times before, it could be happening again. It was happening again, at least to Seungcheol.

“We saw that one when we were looking for your fiancée present though,” Seokmin says all pouty and confused, and you think you almost try to defend his point of view as you always do, just because he is cute.

“It isn’t an engagement right?” Seungcheol asks

“It would be weird to be an engagement ring,” Jeonghan acknowledged the absurdity that envelopes the situation that you two are in, you want to try to take off the ring and just throw it across the field of mini golf, but a) it looked extra expensive, b) the three guys didn't even blink looking at your hand.

“Did you buy for aesthetic proposal?” Seokmin asks, "A girl that works with the human resources team did buy one just because she thought it was pretty."

“Of course,” Seungcheol claps, “I mean fashion was never your strong suit,” He says and it almost feels like a jab, “I almost brought that one, Jeonghan was dead set on this, saying it was the ring, but it was a bit on the expensive side”

“How expensive are we talking about?” You try to pry your body from reacting physically to the fact that Jeonghan shredded a fucking invoice and receipt, and the fact that even Seungcheol - the guy who buys twelves tumblers just because it was cute and ends up giving them away finds that expensive sets a new parameter of money waste.

“You didn’t check the price?" Seokmin asks, when you remain silent he continues, “Wow be you must be nice, balling and shit."

“How expensive are we talking about Seungcheol?” You try again, "Seokmin?" If you can’t return this damn thing at least you can try to sell it later. If you can’t find someone who can buy this you can sell for those weird and sketchy stores but you need to know how much you are actually losing on the deal, well, not you, Jeonghan but still, if you know the man he will just accept his fate and never move a muscle to deal with this ring situation.

“You really didn't check the price hun?” Seungcheol questions raising his eyebrow, like he always did when he couldn’t quite believe in you and it always made you feel angry with him. It was a tale almost, even when you were telling the truth he always raised that eyebrow questioning you, making you explain yourself.

“I brought the ring,” Jeonghan says nonchalantly like he is saying that he brought the bread on his way home. Jeonghan had this thing, a completely loath to let other people know his truest feelings. Even if he was one step away from a panic attack he would not tell you.

“Why would you do that?” Seungcheol asks again his voice is two tones higher, and you feel like he is questioning the two of you, and in his own mind he is the bad cop in the situation - Seungcheol liked that type of shit, and you think that maybe he is so into that because Jeonghan is his polar opposite, never giving Seungcheol a reaction.

“I told you I thought it was a beautiful ring man,” Jeonghan deadpans and take his fingers to move his bangs out of his eyes - making him look like a fucking prick, looking down at everyone else, and you know that just tickles something in Seungcheol. “What I am trying to say,” Jeonghan tries again, “is that the ring It is not an engagement ring because I didn’t ask her to marry me yet,” Jeonghan says walking by your side and enveloping your shoulder in an awkward hug. “I just confessed my feelings, it might be over the top a bit but you guys know I just had my eye on the ring.”

“Dude! Finally!” Seokmin says hugging Jeonghan, and you almost feel yourself choking on air.

When Jeonghan is free he whispers against your ear, his breath on your skin making you shrink, “Just bear with it.”

“What?” Seungcheol asks “Out of nowhere, you confessed your feelings? With an engagement ring?”

“Not an engagement ring Seungcheol we won't crash your wedding, relax,” Jeonghan says again, rolling his eyes.

“How much it was?” You try again dead set on finding out how much that was, apparently a new hyper-fixation.

“Babe,” Jeonghan says looking at you with a mischievous smile across his face, “it is not polite to talk about the price tag”

“What the hell I am watching right now?” Seungcheol bristled, more in anger than in frustration.

“It was long overdue really,” Seokmin gushed, in a terrible contrast to Seungcheol’s features, his voice is loud and his big smile stretches across his face, “I thought it was so fucking weird you two sharing a hotel room with the excuse of saving money, like we know Jeonghan has money,” Seokmin points to the ring, making your skin crawl.

“We are returning this,” you tell Jeonghan, your voice low while elbowing his ribs.

“Baby I told you,” Jeonghan appealed, grabbing your shoulder “We can’t do that”

“Like I personally found you guys always so weird like, I think I even asked Seungcheol if you guys were married in the past because you guys are really,” he moves his hands in a weird move in a way to mean how close you always had been, “like truly crazy and then I asked Seungcheol and he was like it is never gonna happen and I was like-"

And Seokmin goes on for about a good five minutes about how he thought the two of you were a couple, and in a way, you were so used to it that it didn't even startle you. The problem was that Seokmin truly believed Jeonghan’s lies, one thing was to think that you two were in a relationship - everyone had this basic reaction since the two were in college, even one of Jeonghan’s ex-girlfriend thought of, one of your coworkers too, Jeonghan’s door to door neighbors too, almost every single soul you two met. That alone was something you began to understand, yeah you and Jeonghan had a weird level of intimacy.

 If you mash together your college years you can sum up in - of course, we do not date, of course, you can go ahead and kiss him in this horrible pub, oh yeas I am living in his dorm at ungodly hours just because we decided to binge watch a docuseries, oh if I am wearing Jeonghan's clothes? Haha He saved my ass because I doped the coffee on my clothes - ps. The coffee didn't exist, and his girlfriend did break things up a week later, Jeonghan swore it wasn't because of you. Once one guy broke up with you because when he smelled you he could recognize Jeonghan's smell on you, Jeonghan toke as his duty to just fuck up with that guy's mind for a whole month. He told you over and over again that the guy was wrong and basically called you a cheater, so you might as well plant enough evidence to give them the mental image - Jeonghan planted underwear on said guy's returning box, a note with his own handwriting with meet me in secret at the library, and even brought you a small dog plushie to put in the box and when you asked why he said 'he will think another guy gave you a present'.

Knowing Jeonghan and the fact that he loved shocking people this whole act today didn't really shock you, in the end, you were the only that understand Jeonghan, because you would never ever fall for this weird ass act. Your default reaction to anything Jeonghan related was a fair amount of mistrust.

“What are you two doing?” Seungcheol asks again, his voice is laced with suspicion and mistrust.

“Doing what?” Jeonghan asks, his hand going to your hair and placing it behind your ear.

“Whatever you guys are doing,” Seungcheol says pointing his fingers at the both of you, and you think it is dumb to even pretend something to Seungcheol, he knows you, he knows Jeonghan he knows nothing like that would even happen and you still don't know why Jeonghan is even trying to lie to him. 

“Jeonghan-” you whine, marrying in Vegas is indeed something that brings you shame and regret but lying to your friends is even worse, how would you deal with that later?

You think you would prefer listening to Seungcheol’s monologue about how both of you are completely crazy, unreasonable, and unreliable, all of that rings true now. And it was Seungcheol, he would end up knowing somehow, even if you didn’t tell him now, you both would end up telling him. This whole scheme would fall like a house of cards somehow. You couldn't knock on Seungcheol door and say haha we were kidding, but Jeonghan could, you would make him do it.

“Seungcheol that’s actually-”

“What are we supposed to believe that after what? A decade you just woke up brought a ring and confessed your feelings?” Seungcheol asks, raising his voice enough to make you look around the damn mini golf to see if anyone is insane enough to care about this damn scene, “When you are a commitment phobe who has been on my ass for the past several months?”

“Look man, can you just drop it?” Jeonghan asks again - in the same aloof way he uses when he wants to piss you off, almost like he is flirting with the idea of being a patronizing prick. 

“Of course not, what the hell,” Seungcheol says, his tone still on the angrier side  “You didn’t even remotely tell us about this."

“Yeah well some people can actually keep secret,” Jeonghan says bitterly.

“What was that supposed to mean?” Seungcheol questions and just by the tone of his voice you know that shit is going down, you have seen countless fights between the two to know that Seungcheol was on the edge.

“It means that I can actually keep my individuality as a human being because I don’t have a crazy girlfriend who has trust issues so I need to overshare everyone’s personal life because she thinks you can cheat on her every monday to friday man,” Jeonghan quipped. He was not the one who loved to fight, Jeonghan was actually someone who would just shrug and resolve the situation later when it came back to bite his ass, but damn when he wanted to fight he was ready for it.

“Damn,” Seokmin breathed.

“What the fuck Jeonghan,” You and Seungcheol say at the same time, both in disbelief.

“It is the truth, isn't it?” Jeonghan chastised, “Dude you are traveling with friends and somehow the whole lunch was about how your girlfriend was pissed that you actually brought a ring to placate how angry she was."

“Jeonghan stop talking.” you plead, holding his arms trying to get his attention, to make him stop before things end up in a point of no return. 

“Why?” Jeonghan asks you this time, eyes focused on you and not Seungcheol.

“Because you are being a fucking asshole now,” you say “This is Seungcheol bachelor’s party the man is getting married,” you try again like Seungcheol is not in the room.

“Oh you think I don’t know about that?" He says exasperated, "We are in Vegas and this motherfucker drink one beer and told us to go to our own hotel yesterday so we needed to get drunk and-”

“Jeonghan,” you say again almost like a kid tugging Jeonghan's by his shirt sleeve.

“We are in fucking Vegas and we didn’t visit one strip club and we are playing mini golf that something off about this whole trip,” Jeonghan says loudly chuckling at his own words.

“Are you seriously right now? You are going on a tirade against your friend because he doesn’t take you to strip clubs?” It is your time to act in disbelief - strip club? Seriously?

“Maybe if we were at a strip club yesterday,” Jeonghan says eying you.

“You know what?” Seungcheol speaks up. “Fuck you, you are uninvited by the way, you go on and on about how you don’t think I should marry, well, then you don’t need to show up.”

You and Jeonghan are left side by side on the mini golf field. Standing there while the world still moving around. You want to break out in laughter, you want to just laugh at how the two of your friends seem to wake up on the wrong foot, you want to knock Jeonghan's head off his shoulder, but you end up just walking to return to the damn golf club. 

The whole way to the hotel you and Jeonghan spend in complete silence, not one uttering a single word.

And apparently - now you are the one that wants to start a fight out of nowhere. You are the one that wants to scream about how Jeonghan was being an unreasonable asshole. You try to wrap your head around his reasons, about why he would act like that and nothing that comes up in your own brain seems right.

So when you both are back in the hotel room - now with new sheets thank god, and less alcohol smell you just ask in the most nonsubtle way you can, you hold your own waist and ask like he was a teenager throwing a rude tantrum, “What was that?”

“What?” Jeonghan asks taking his time to take off his jewelry, watch the first thing, and later necklace, if he had any bracelet would be the third step of his routine.

“The whole Seungcheol marriage thing?”

“Well, you don’t have to deal with him drunk every Friday night telling you how overwhelmed and how he feels trapped since they set the wedding date,” Jeonghan says shrugging. 

“You told me he was going on and on about how great marriage is,” you say sitting on the bed, trying to understand all the things you apparently didn't know about Jeonghan and Seungcheol.

“Yeah, he has his own list of cons in his note app," Jeonghan huffs, "every time he thinks about calling it off, I think I just memorized it because he reads more than once a day”

“Fuck,” you say in a breath. In your own mind, Seungcheol not even once doubted his choice to get married, not even once seemed unsure of his decision.

“I was the one that said Vegas," Jeonghan says sitting on your side, both of you looking at the widow that faces a fucking parking lot, "I thought that he would get drunk enough to actually mess everything up because he can’t do sober, and by mess everything up I mean breaking up with his crazy girlfriend."

“Yeah, still, you didn’t need to be a fucking asshole,” you say seriously this time trying to face him.

“Well, I panicked ok?" Jeonghan finally breaks, "I wasn’t going to tell that man who is having a daily mental breakdown that we married in fucking Vegas.”

“I mean, I don't know about you but I think your friendship with Seungcheol is more important than being lectured because you married in Vegas, Hannie,” you tell him softly, patting his thigh.

“Well,” Jeonghan says, letting his hand on top of yours, “I guess I can't be gracious always,” he says with a sad smile.

“I know you are stressed out," You say calmly, "but you lashed out at Seungcheol and it wasn't great,”

“The fuck you are defending him for?” Jeonghan says standing up and pretending he is searching for something in that damn room.

“Are you serious?”

“What?" Jeonghan chuckles, "he can go on and on about how I am a commitment-phobe type of guy who is fucked up enough to not have a fiancée like him and it is all good and fun and games? But when I call out his fucking weird relationship I am the bad guy?”

“Jeonghan,” You try but before you can even finish he cuts you.

“No, don't Jeonghan me, the fuck,” he retorted, “you have the excuse of not knowing because I don't tell you, you could think I am an asshole and a horrible boyfriend because every time someone breaks up with me even though I am a great catch,” he laughs bitterly, “You can do that, Seungcheol can't do that, he doesn't have an excuse, he knows why.”

“I never ever think about you like that,” you say sincerely because it is the truth, never once have you thought about Jeonghan being afraid of commitment or being a shit asshole. You always thought about how every girlfriend of his always looked and sounded more in love with him than the other way around, but that wasn't exactly a character flaw.

“I know,” he says already sounding exhausted.

“No I don't think you do,” you say sternly, “like it never crossed my mind really, I always thought about how they were crazy for letting you go, so what you don't want to marry someone? the fuck you can still have a great life and a great relationship with someone without a ring, and I know you are capable of it," and to your own ears you sound almost bitter, how they could be so dumb? To have a chance to have Jeonghan and let him go? “You have always been there for me, you never once wavered, I have no reason to ever think of you in that light and I don't think Seungcheol is being fair, he wasn't, but he is getting married in three weeks Han.”

“Yeah and I am telling him his girlfriend has been a freak since week two when she threw a fit because she was jealous of you,” Jeonghan says shocking you, "because according to her own crazy brain, you are way too close to men so who knows what you will do when she turns her back."

“Of me?” You say pointing at yourself, “Damn, she is crazy."

“That’s what I am trying to tell him, and he isn't fuck listening I guess.”

The whole afternoon you think about Jeonghan.

You think about him when he is lying in the bed on his cellphone, and you continuously think about him when you find him napping in the same bed. You think about everything you don't know about your friend, and you think about everything he doesn’t share with you, that he chooses not to. And you know every single human has secrets, and there are things Jeonghan doesn't know about you too. But knowing that it is one thing, dealing with the emotions that come with it is another thing altogether. Why he would not tell you? Why he would tell Seungcheol?

Those questions live in your brain, rattling and making sounds every time they crash against your skull. You think about your friendship as well. Jeonghan was always there for you. He was there when you had your first heartbreak in the third year of high school, he was there when Mark broke up with you in college, and he was there every step of the way. He was there when you were sick, he was there when your favorite auntie died, he was there when you were panicking before your first job interview, he was there. You just couldn't wrap your mind around the fact that someone would call a man like that a commitment phobe or break up with him.

And what he said was true in some way, Jeonghan never broke up with anyone, he was always the one who was dumped and weirdly okay with it. Every time you talked about someone who didn't know Jeonghan you always painted him as the perfect guy, and it was true - he had a great job and his bank account was crazy even though he worked to the capital devil, he was someone who ha they shit together too, he helped his parent, he helped his friend, his house was never messy.

Every time you broke up with someone you talked about how you wanted a guy just like Jeonghan, nice and fun, but also low maintenance in a way, someone you could just comfortable be being with, without having to try too hard and do too much. And every time you met someone new, you always trusted Jeonghan's opinion, if he vetoed someone he had his reasons, like the weird guy that two months later was on the news because he emptied someone's bank account because they let their bank account info saved on the computer or something like that.

If you thought about it - really being married to Jeonghan was not even close to the worst thing that happened to you. Founding a dead rat once in the subway was worse, or that time when you found out that your roommate left the door open for weeks before you just never went to sleep before her just so you could make sure to close the door, and 95% of the time she didn't close the fucking door, that was worse than being married to Jeonghan.

“The fuck?” Jeonghan groans.

“What?”

“Apparently I messaged my account manager our marriage certificate asking if he could officialize the house-buying proposal, and apparently the bank green flaged it? The owner needs to accept the proposal of course, and it may take a while but-" Jeonghan stops halfway, almost like zooming out, staring at the wall ahead of him.

“I guess you are soon to be a house owner?” You question bringing Jeonghan back to reality.

“No, no-"

“Seriously if it is something that is helping you I don't mind, we can come back to Vegas a few weeks after the deal to annul it I looked up online it is not that hard we just need the documentation and the wedding certificate so," and it was true - you did research how to deal with the whole thing, it seemed easy, maybe that's why they actually let people marry crazy drunk, so they can pay to annul it and the city double the revenue, apparently crazy amount of drinking and casinos were not paying the bill.

“About that,” Jeonghan says, his hands tugging the sides of his hair.

“About what?” You ask.

"The wedding certificate,” he says, finally looking at you, his eyes big and still puffy because of his nap, “I think, I mean- I am pretty sure it is shredded with the receipt and invoice."

“What the fuck Jeonghan?” You shout, oh man, you are going to kill this man. The image is already on your head - jumping on that very same bed like a crazy woman and kicking him before you just kill him with your bare hands.

“I know,” he says almost in a grunt, laying down like a starfish.

“Why did you shred everything up for god's sake," you say almost stopping on the floor.

“I don't know okay?" Jeonghan says, sitting on the bed now, his cellphone forgotten, "Why did we marry? Can you answer that?”

“OOh," you huff, "We did get married, but I am soon to be a window if I don't kill in the next five minutes I swear to god”

“Wait, what changed if it is helping me?” Jeonghan says, back to his mischievous self, with a small smile across his face almost finding endearing the way that you try to threaten his life.

“You are making everything argh-” You are losing your damn mind and if you end up crazy it is Jeonghan's fault, now that he is indeed your husband has another tingle to you like a thriller movie, but you are afraid you are in your own Cameron Diaz Ashton Kutcher low budget 00's movie. Maybe you should take the whole thriller movie, it seems, weirdly, less weird. "First we cannot return this ring now I have to find someone who wants to buy it without documentation so everyone will think this shit is totally fake, I mean I would too, don't get me wrong I wouldn't trust myself either with this jewelry," you go off - almost missing the point, rambling really, before you get back to the point, "now we need to find a second copy of this certificate I swear to god we could just go to the nearest courtroom and annul the wedding I googled it." 

"I already told you you can keep the ring," Jeonghan says - voice low in contrast to your high-pitched complaints.

"Why would I keep this ring Jeonghan?" You question, it sounds weird in your own ears.

The truth is, you did love the ring, it is a beautiful ring but the truth is - you can't keep it. It shouldn't be yours to keep. It should go to someone Jeonghan wants to actually marry, even though you can't bring yourself to take it off your finger, even though you didn't even try to take it off after this morning.

And a breath almost gets locked in your throat. Why? You think, and deep down you know you have your answer but you just shove everything down when you hear Jeonghan's voice, "Well If you sell it I won't take the money."

"I can just pour it into my savings accounts," you say petulantly.

"The fuck," Jeonghan bites back.

"What? You said you didn't want it so I can keep the money," You try your best to sound even close to someone somewhat rational in this matter.

"It is a present you can't sell a present," Jeonghan though, never has a problem looking like he is saying the most rational thing ever even when it doesn't make any sense.

"I totally can," you bite back trying to hold your ground just out of pure spite. He didn't accept that cursed ring which is not even supposed to be yours why the hell he is making such a big deal of you selling or throwing it in the sea?

"You can't," Jeonghan says again, and you think back to your friendship and a lot of times it was like that - a lot of things without proper explanations.

"Why not?" So you just hold your ground - again, he will not win this one, this time he will have to explain.

"Because it is a present I picked up for you. I actually thought about it, I mean before drinking buying apparently, but I thought it would suit you" Jeonghan says, "Just don't sell, if you don't want to use it okay fine but just, just don't sell it, don't hurt a man's pride like that,"

You want to try again - to say you will sell this damn ring if you go to the store and it can't be returned, and you want to say you will throw it on the nearest river because Las Vegas is indeed very far from the sea. You want to push him until he says okay I take the damn ring and I will hold onto it and pass it through generations. But when Jeonghan speaks and he sounds so tired and so hurt you just give up and lock yourself in the bathroom pretending to take a shower before leaving this hellhole of a place.

You look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself how the hell everything happened in such a short amount of time. A marriage, a fight, a ring that makes you go crazy. Maybe you are closer to having a breakdown, maybe it is the time to face things that you are trying to keep hidden under the rug. You think that maybe it is time to just downpour everything.

But like always, you don't. You bottle everything up and pretend that everything is fine.

The last few days in Vegas have been less eventful, thanks God. Jeonghan and you go to weird restaurants and for a walk around the town, and you think about how you got married in the city of Sins.

At least it is fitting to think that pride and wrath have something to do with your own stay in this city.

You often think about Seungcheol, sending him and Seokmin a message or two, or a total of 15. Seokmin answers you, Seungcheol doesn't. And you need to hold yourself back when you type down a fuck you but don't send. You try to pry on Jeonghan's end too, but after the third time that he just doesn't answer you with words but just a cold stare you just let it go. Maybe that's why Seungcheol and Jeonghan have been friends for so long - pieces of the same cloth.

The flight back is not that tricky but at the same time when Jeonghan drops you out at your door, you are ready for a 30 minutes shower and drop dead for a whole week. When you open the door you are glad that your roommate at least remembered to close and lock the door. Character development you think, maybe she is getting better, maybe you don't need to actually move into Jeonghan's house as a safety precaution. But something doesn't seem quite right - there is a new sofa in the living room, which isn't exactly a problem, really, your sofa kinda sucked. But when you look again, you understand what is missing.

No, she didn't, she would not be that crazy. You refuse to believe that. You left all your luggage in the middle of the living room and ran to your bed, maybe she put the side table there, of course, maybe she just moved because the new sofa seems bigger. But there is nothing that resembles the side table in your room, so you try again - her room now, still nothing.

You send a message.

You try to call.

So you try the next best thing - call Jeonghan so he can calm you down. He doesn't pick up.  You sit on the floor, right beside your luggage, and you refuse to sit down on that sofa, it is pretty it seems comfortable but now is the object that you hate the most. You would prefer, I don't know, to take part in a scientific experiment that might fuck up your brain function than sit down on that thing.

The concept of time and space is a funny thing you think when you lose count of how many minutes or hours you have been staring at the door, it has been probably a long time. Until your roommate opens the door with a big guy by her side, great, all that you needed was an audience for your lash out.

"Oh," she says, big guy with his big hands on her hips and he knows he is not getting laid today, because he sees you and he gets so upright he seems like a fucking power pole, "I didn't know you would be back today."

"Laurel, darling, where is my side table?" You ask without beating around the bush.

"Oh right," she says letting her keys on the counter without fucking locking the door you have never been closer to a have a fucking stroke, you can feel your blood pressure rising, "the sofa was a bit bigger, you know I told you I was thinking about changing and this was on discount, but the table didn't really had a place in the room anymore so I put on marketplace a cute girl come up to pick in the same day, great right?"

You blink once, twice, and the words don't even come, you are so astonished that you are left speechless. Maybe you could get over the unsaid desire of getting murdered by a serial killer, and maybe you could get over the leftover food on the counter, and you could even get over the whole singing in the shower when you are fucking tone-deaf really.

But that. That was one thing you could never get over.

"Are you fucking insane? Are you fucking crazy?" You ask, the big guy taking a step back, "Or do you just have fun being the most self-centered bitch in this part of the country?"

"What the fuck?" She says, and oh god, you want to jump on her bones, you want to leave this woman bald.

"Did you ask Laurel?" You ask again, remaining sitting on the floor because if you pick yourself up you are probably no longer be a first-time offender. "Did you ever think about asking if you could sell, give or even create a fucking bonfire with the wood of my deceased auntie's side table? Did you fucking asked?"

"Oh I didn't know," she says simply. You feel the tears streaming down your face and you don't actually know if it is because of sadness or anger.

"So funny Laurel because I don't even fucking know how you function like a human being because your brain is so fucking empty of common sense really," you bristled, finally getting up and picking up your big backup, "Look I don't know how I don't care really, it is up to you, but you get my table back in perfect state, and you will pay this month rent fully because I am not living with you I would prefer Satan as my roommate really, and you may as well find another roommate because I will not move a muscle to put someone inside this apartment," You say moving past Laurel and the crazy big guy, "and by the way Laurel? I would fucking lock the door today you don't really think about how many insane people leave in this world."

You say finally get out of the apartment.

You don't really stop walking because you are afraid you will just fall on the ground, crying in the middle of the street in the fetal position, not really a pretty picture. You know Jeonghan's house is not really far, a twenty minute walk. You wish you had an epiphany when you see yourself at his door, a moment to say 'wow why am I here?'. But you know yourself enough to know why, you know Jeonghan enough to know why you are at his door.

You know Jeonghan will open the door for you, and you hope deep down that he will hunt Laurel-the-sattan-spit-roommate down.

When Jeonghan opens the door, he looks puzzled, his face shows that he is trying to understand what is happening. You are sure he was ready to say that he didn't order something and to check on his neighbor.

"What happened?" Jeonghan asks when he sees you on his door instead of a lost delivery guy.

"Laurel," you say, and before having the chance to say anything else, you already feel the pain, you don't want to cry but you end up doing that nonetheless. You even hiccup once or twice before you feel Jeonghan's arms against you, enveloping you, making you feel safe.

"What did she do?" Jeonghan tries again, one of his hands still around you, while the other cradles your head, his hand softly stroking your head.

"She sold my side table," you say, still hiccuping your way through the sentence and you feel so fucking dumb, crying in Jeonghan's arms, and you feel Jeonghan's body goes completely rigid before he holds your face in his hands and you almost flinch because you cannot face that man in this state, and second, his hands are cold.

"She sold your side table?" He asks and you just nod, it is the only thing you can do, "The side table?" He tries again just to receive the same reaction, his hands wrap around you, but this time he hugs you tighter, your head smashed against his chest and somehow you find a resemblance of comfort.

Jeonghan takes you to the kitchen, and when you feel his arms release you, you just sink to the ground, your back to the cabinets. Jeonghan hands you a cup of water, and hugs you again, his hands rubbing your back like you are some kind of a toddler, and that alone makes you sniff even more. That motion alone takes you back to your college days when you went back home to your auntie's funeral - Jeonghan drove the whole way, and the only sound inside the car was you crying. Back then you didn't know that Jeonghan lost an important exam so he could drive you back home, later when he was pilled with an ungodly amount of work and told you he needed to do an extra project so he didn't fluke his class you cried all over again - part of it because you felt guilty, part of it was because it was Jeonghan, and you could count on him for anything.

And here he was, years later taking care of you again. You never doubt he would, that alone - the certainty that Jeonghan is in your life should scare you, but it never did. Not now, and not even back in college when Seungcheol joked about every time a new girl showed up alongside Jeonghan. Somehow you knew that Jeonghan would be there if you needed him, if you ever shouted that man would run leaps. The thing was, Jeonghan never told you anything remotely close to make you believe that, he never promised you anything, but Jeonghan actions always reassured you that no matter what, he would be there if you needed him the most.

You think about it how - weirdly - you were never in that position, how you never once was that person to Jeonghan, the person that reassure Jeonghan or be someone he could lean on. There is a deep down desire that you don't quite acknowledge over the years - that you want to be someone important to Jeonghan. Someone as important as Jeonghan is to you.

When you feel you can finally breathe you get out of Jeonghan's hold to go to the bathroom, in a way searching a way to escape your own feelings and thoughts, pretending you just need to wash your face. When you return to the kitchen, Jeonghan is in the same place, sitting on the floor staring at his own hands. Now, calmer, you take the whole scene of the kitchen; the single glass of wine on the counter, the open bottle, Jeonghan's cellphone, and his notebook.

“Were you drinking?” You ask after a while, sitting on his sides and copying his positions - legs stretched and back flushed against the cabinets. The hiccups are still there but they’re less frequent now, and you can finally breathe on your own.

“Yeah I was,” Jeonghan says, stretching his legs and looking at his feet cladded with old socks.

Jeonghan thinks about the minutes before you arrived, how he was just scrolling on his phone and drinking alone because his mood was so dreadful that he didn't want to make anyone suffer in his company. The only person he would subject to a vent session was Seungcheol, so drinking alone was the only answer. The truth is plain and simple really - Jeonghan has been feeling miserable for quite some time now, mainly because even though it pays extremely well his job sucks. He works for and with shitty people, but it pays well, so that should be enough - why it isn't? But all of that seems so fucking small against the feeling of you losing the last physical thing of someone you loved, someone who was so important to you.

“Why were you drinking alone Jeonghan?” You ask, giving his thigh little taps but still looking ahead - you see yourself in the mirror, you are so swollen you can't face the man like that.

“I,” Jeonghan ponders, thinking about if it is the right time to just go on a tangent about how he works sucks, how his best friend isn't talking to him, and how he wants to go back to his high schooler self and just start everything over, even if he fucks everything over is way better than this gray area that he is stuck on. “We can talk about me another time,”

“Just," You breathe deeply, your head almost knocking against the counter door, "do it for me then,” you tell him softly, almost pleading, “tell me so I can take my mind off this shit.”

“I think,” Jeonghan says, “no, scratch that,” he laughs dryly, “I am sure that I am fucking miserable,” he looks at you waiting for your reaction, “and I’ve been miserable for a while, I just fucking hate everything,”

“Han-” you try to say, and you almost feel like you don't have tears anymore, but if you could physically cry you would.

“I am not depressed, don’t worry, I just,” he trails off, “I hate that fucking job and if I have to spend another year there I would probably kill a rich guy, I have a few investments, and I have savings, and I-”

“You should buy the house,” You blurt out, remembering Jeonghan's eyes looking at the pictures of the house.

“What?” Jeonghan says almost choking on nothing.

“You should buy the house, just give me one room and I will pay rent, we can share utilities and food, and then you can quit,” you declared like it was something people just do on a whim, like you are not even having a stroke just thinking about the process of ending your lease contract, but the sky can open you are not sharing another day in that apartment.

“Not a great deal when I have a fucking loan on my name,” Jeonghan bemused, almost laughing at your non-sense.

“Just don’t tell the bank,” you shrug.

“Well,” Jeonghan says, almost like he is trying to assess the situation, see how everything could plan out from different angles.

“Come on, tell me,” You say finally caving into your curiosity, poking Jeonghan with your elbow.

“Tell you what?” Jeonghan asks but you can feel the playful tone in his voice, almost a childlike wonder of being caught doing something he shouldn't do.

“What is the plan?” You whisper - you don't know why but this whole thing seems like a secret, like something Jeonghan doesn't want to see the light of day yet, something he has been keeping under wraps.

“What plan?”

“I know you Jeonghan," You say finally looking at him, a small smile still stretched across his face, "I have known you for quite a while, come on, don’t underestimate me,”

“What are you talking about?” Jeonghan says playing the fool but the smile is still there, making you probe a little bit more.

“I know you, you would never think about quitting without a black plan besides having a few savings and weird investments, tell me,” You almost pleaded, turning your body to him, your hands on his thighs supporting your own weight on him. And you know you need to bring out the big guns - the begging eyes, almost laughing at yourself.

“Fuck,” Jeonghan laughs at you, his head tilting back and all, like you are the most amusing creature ever.

“Come on,” you urge, using your hands on his leg to almost shake him.

“It is not a plan, it is a desire,” he begins, “I’m thinking about sitting down and doing a few design classes, it can be online but,”

“No-” You say surprised, your smile big across your face because you know where this is going.

“Maybe,” he says still leaning on the counter, eyes closed and that infuriating smile still on.

“You can totally do it,” you tell him almost jumping on your place.

“It is not a plan yet,” he explains, in a vain attempt to make you tone down your excitement, but every time he looks at you he thinks he can give you that, soothe your pain with his dreams and hopes that won't really get out of paper. At least today he can do that for you.

“I can help you,” you say, finally changing positions and sitting almost by his feet, facing him, Jeonghan's hand on your ankle.

“How can you help me?” He asks you, squeezing your ankle and you pretend you are going to kick him, but he just holds your ankle and puts it on his lap.

“We can do it,” you say completely seriously because you truly believe he can do it, achieving his teenage dream job. “You know me, I am an army general, I have discipline, and I love a good worksheet, I am an editor,"

“What you being an editor has to do with it?” Jeonghan says while he tickles your feet, making you almost jerk.

"Stop that," you say using your other to nudge him, "I did a few children's books mind you,” you say, using your free hand to pinch Jeonghan's feet in the form of a threat, “I know how to promote things, I know how to deal with due dates and with manufacturers, you just need to sit down after lunch watch your boring ass class like a college student and hand your resignation letter,”

“It is not something that will actually work and be profitable,” Jeonghan huffs.

“Jeonghan, be honest with me,” you say, this time in a more serious tone.

“Okay,” He says, hands leaving your feet and closing together on his stomach.

“Would you ever take that leap with you couldn’t live till 90 years old with the money you have on the back?” You joke, breaking him in half, his laughter resonating in the kitchen.

“No?” He jokes back.

“We are doing it,” you say like his opinion in his own laugh and plans don't actually matter that much, but Jeonghan just smiles back at you - sometimes, he thinks about how you are the only one who can actually match his insanity, the only one that goes with his plan, or come up with even weird ones.

And Jeonghan knows he is fucked, because every time he thinks he can’t love you more you show him that love grows and expands beyond borders. Lately, Jeonghan favorite song is My Love Mine All Mine, and when he looks at you, in his kitchen, face still swollen and red from crying Mitski sings in his ear - Nothing in the world belongs to me But my love, mine, all mine Nothing in the world is mine for free But my love, mine, all mine, all mine. It resonates with him, the fact that his love for you is his to carry. And this alone makes Jeonghan happy in a weird way, because he knows how much love you deserve, and he is happy that he is the one that loves you, and he loves you for free.

Even though Jeonghan knows you don’t love him like he does love you he thinks about how you are the only person that is always there for him. Everyone that he knows would make Jeonghan just let it go. Why the fuck he would build a business around children’s toys? Why would he resign and leave a great career that gives enough money and intel to just go around and draw a few rabbits and frogs on a page? Just because of joy? Jeonghan always knew that joy alone could not make you survive on this earth.

But yet you were doing just that. Telling him to drop everything and just try to be happy. Right now Jeonghan could drop on his knee and ask you to marry him if you weren’t legally married and if he wasn’t a fucking coward. Sometimes he hates himself for that, the way he holds onto something he knows it is not quite enough but it is the only thing he can have.

Jeonghan thinks about- everything really, but mostly how joyful you are in your own way. How you would buy sweet treats just for the sake of it, how you had every single first copy of the books you worked on even if they were beaten in the process and almost unreadable. He thinks about the first time you showed up on his door, a big book in hands and a smile across your face, buzzing full of pride because it was your first fucking book and your boss give you one in the very first batch - back then you were just the one that did the toughest job, reviewing everything.

Jeonghan knows he loves you, he knows for quite a while.

Jeonghan knew before the first girlfriend dumped him because he was jealous of you. When his third girlfriend asked him if he liked you he couldn’t even lie, when his fifth girlfriend broke up and for the fifth time, the reason was you he just stopped trying dates altogether.

Jeonghan doesn't remember much of the marriage itself, he remembers bits and pieces of an Elton John in a 70's costume and how the chapel was way hotter, making Jeonghan's armpits wet, not a great look for a groom. But he remembers everything before that - in a less hazed lens. He remembers telling you in the hotel bar how he loved you for quite a while now, and how you looked so shocked - telling him he should quit lying. He swore on his first dog's grave, weirdly that made you believe him. He told you how he hated Mark - your college boyfriend that literature guy who gave you poems that you still keep as presents, he remembers you saying how you would keep every post-it note if Jeonghan wrote them in the future. It was a promise, you said holding your pinkie finger out for him. He remembers buying you the ring, you outside the store because he knew you would think that the chosen ring was too much, too big, too expensive, any ring will do it you told him before letting him inside, but he couldn't do it, he could only choose the prettiest ring for the prettiest girl. 

Jeonghan remembers his vow, promising he would take care of you, that he would write love letters for the rest of his life on every special date because you hated presents. And Jeonghan remembers how you two kissed in the chapel, on the uber back to the hotel, in the hotel room - more than you should have, because now it is the only thing he can think about it and you don't fuck remember. Jeonghan thought about running, about changing cities and even country - investments were pretty much the same everywhere in the world really. But the reality was that even if he moved, his love was still his to keep, and he would do that heartedly. He was a coward, but he still had his pride, and if that was the price to pay, then, be It.

“Hey, come here,” He says, finally lifting himself off the ground.

“What?” You ask, looking at him still sitting on the floor.

“Come here,” He says again, giving his hands so you can get up.

“What? You are weird what is going on,” you say finally getting up on your feet.

“Come here,” Jeonghan says and before you approach him his arms are already by your side, enveloping you in a thigh hug. “Thank you,” he says softly, “thank you for everything really,”

“Are you drunk Yoon Jeonghan?” you ask, your own voice muffled by the tight embrace.

“No,” Jeonghan laughs, and you can feel his whole body move, “I’m serious, thank you for being there for me even when you have shit on your own to deal with,” He says, his chin on top of your head, “and thank you for not thinking I am a commitment phobic asshole.”

“You are still on that? I told you I never saw you like that stop being dumb."

“I know, I am just-” Jeonghan doesn't finish his sentence, his arms still around you, his heart beating by your ear.

“Look you are drunk, at least there is nothing much we can fuck up being drunk together after getting married in Vegas," you say and Jeonghan feels a pang, almost like when he stubs his little finger on the corner of random furniture, but he doesn't say anything, "give me a sip of your wine you asshole,” you say getting free of his embrace and holding the bottle of wine

“Come on! Don’t drink it straight from the bottle, there is a glass right there!” Jeonghan protested.

“Come on Yoon Jeonghan, I know you, I know you since you didn’t have enough cups in your first kitchen, don't play the proper guy with me,” you say like basic manners don't exist, and sitting on his counter.

“I grow up I am an adult now,” Jeonghan says, but he doesn't really move a muscle to pick another glass of wine for you, he thinks it is his biggest flaw - the fact that you can walk over him countless times and Yoon Jeonghan will just let you do whatever you want even if he pretends that it is against his will.

“Oh, totally,” You look at him, and even though the phrase itself has a bite to it your voice is honest, “Not to go back to sappy times, but you really did Hannie, you are really growing so much, and I am so proud of you,”

"Shhhh-” Jeonghan murmurs trying to shut you up and you know it is mainly because he is so fucking shy that you almost laugh.

“By the way,” You say taking another sip from the bottle. “I’m so moving in with you and I can even deal with only one room if you don’t sell any of my stuff.”

“Shut up,” Jeonghan says kissing the top of your head, “you can have the whole house, just don’t set it on fire.”

Ultimately, that actually happens.

You actually move with Jeonghan into his dream house. The house is 98% bare, without the furniture of the last owner besides the utilities. But a) it is better than living with your satan-spit roommate, b) Jeonghan has been sleeping on his own couch for over two weeks now because even though you say it is okay you can't spend that time in your own apartment he refuses to let you near Laurel.

But somehow, Jeonghan and you make a home out of the new house. You take the bookshelves on the left, all the books you edited in your lifetime on a special shelf right in your point of view. Jeonghan takes the bookshelves on the right, a lot of the books you edited and gifted him are scattered across it because he doesn’t really care about arranging his shelves in a particular order.

Every time Jeonghan sees a nice piece of furniture he sends you a picture of it, and you two chat about if it fits the room, and the colors would clash. In a weird way your collection of cups and mugs triples the size, indeed you are engrossed with buying new ones, but the thing is - you always pick two of them now. Jeonghan’s favorite is a weird bunny mug that you never actually use because it ears always make drinking anything impractical.

You two also build a weirdly oiled routine. You two eat breakfast together, Jeonghan wakes up early and when he is just arriving for his morning run you are already scrabbling eggs. When Jeonghan is ready for work you are ready for your own run. When Jeonghan arrives from work you still have one hour to go, so in the end he is the one to always cook dinner. After you two share the dishes and eat something sweet as the dessert the kitchen counter - previously used as a dinner table, now acts an officer table.

While Jeonghan looks up some designer classes, you search manufacturers. When he draws a cute rabbit girl that he named Ttoram, you try to understand how a business works, how you file taxes for it? Sometimes Jeonghan does the dirty work himself after he finishes a new version so you get your pink glittery pen and write in post-it what you think about the new product; ‘what is this material arrow-drawing pointing to a specific part of a squish toy’, ‘her head seems big are you sure she won't flop head first in someone’s bed?’, ‘are you sure? I think lamps are quite expensive.

The house gets filled with new art supplies, sometimes Jeonghan orders a bunch of them online, and sometimes you are the one that brings back a single pen or a new colored pencil that you pick up in arts stories every time you go to a meeting. The house is filled with paper and drawings, your favorite ones is always the first drafts - the ones that Jeonghan does on the non-quality paper, the ones that he does on pieces of paper, the ones that look less refined and to you are filled with children-like joy.

Another curious thing is how somehow you and Jeonghan seemed very addicted to post-it. Besides the practical use in the drawing drafts because Jeonghan was an old soul who couldn’t do his work on an Ipad like a normal human being in this day and age, you also used to communicate - ‘please buy eggs!’ you wrote and left on the kitchen door, ‘already set a reminder on my phone so i don’t forget to stop at the market!’ jeonghan replied. “Didn’t see u before I left :( don’t forget to take breaks” he wrote, somehow the post-it ended up in your office, and you glued it on the computer screen beside one green post-it with a frog with a raincoat on.

Every time the fridge was out of space for new ones you took them off one by one, with a smile on your face, and kept them in a box, safely stored. You always noticed one or two missing but you always thought the wind knocked them out and Jeonghan, that traitor, threw them in the garbage. In short, everything stayed the same with a daily dose of domestic life. The problem was - that it didn’t stay the same for very long.

And as hard as it was to admit, it was your fault.

There was no way around it.

It weirdly began every time you saw Jeonghan around the stove. The fact that Jeonghan was beautiful-handsome-pretty was not news to you. You, and every human being that laid eyes on him, always reached the point where you acknowledged how pretty Jeonghan was. In college it was a fucking nightmare, guys and girls banging on his dorm room when you two were watching a movie just because they thought Jeonghan was alone - the fact that he didn’t have a roommate because he bribed someone (one of the most Jeonghan acts that you ever witnessed, but that was beside the point - really) only added to the fact that 87% of his course thought he was down to bang anytime. The truth was that you always knew that Jeonghan was someone objectively good-looking, but there was a catch, even though Jeonghan was beautiful you didn’t really feel attracted to him and he knew that. Countless times you told him he was too pretty for his own good along with the lines that he wasn’t your type, ‘what the fuck that supposed to mean’ he answered the first time you said that, back in high school. With time it turned out to be your standard answer to every girl that was attracted to him and wanted a shot with him but somehow thought he was your boyfriend.

You know that Jeonghan is good-looking, and you know that for fucking years so why are you going a little insane every time you get in the kitchen and the man is cutting some onions? Truly it happens in the weirdest hours, out of nowhere, your brain reminds you how hot Jeonghan is - and that is even scarier because you knew that the man was handsome, but hot? That’s a new development. Once he arrived from his morning run, his hair a little damp, sweat dripping down his neck, and only with a thigh shirt because he already removed his go-to wind-breaker and you almost collapsed on the kitchen floor. That alone was mind-blowing.

The horrors begin when you just couldn’t deal with his touch without your mind going to the fucking gutter. When he touched your hips to make your move because he wanted to open a drawer, or when he dropped down on the sofa without leaving space between your bodies, his hand tapping your thigh. Out of nowhere, you are combusting because his hand feels hot against your skin, goosebumps appearing across your skin Jeonghan asks you if you are cold. And the fact that Jeonghan is touching you isn't necessarily super weird, he always did that, but somehow you feel that his touches changed and you can't quite pinpoint how besides the fact that you are reacting differently.

It doesn't really help your case that Jeonghan develops a weird habit of wrapping his arm around your neck. It happens everywhere, even in public and every time you can feel yourself grow a little hotter. You were supposed to pay attention to Minghao’s new paintings, a designer slash illustrator slash painter whom you worked with for a few book covers, and somehow in the middle of the opening of his new exposition, you can’t even think about the impasto on his oil paintings because Jeonghan hands feels heavy on your neck, his fingers touching the lateral of it almost rubbing. Every time you take a step to try to see the paintings up close Jeonghan doesn’t let you leave his hold, his body close enough to be pressed against your back, half of your back feeling hot because of his presence, half of it feeling cold because of his absence.

“Hao!” You say when you finally see the man of the hour, black hair on black coats, his hands behind his back looking around all the people that came just to appreciate his work.

“Hey,” He says opening his arms for you.

“Congratulations,” you say feeling the arms of Minghao around your back, your body though prefer to pay attention to the weight of Jeonghan’s eyes on you, “everything is mind blowing,” you say to the man - his hands still on your body, yours on his shoulder, until you hear Jeonghan clearing his throat in order to get you to notice his existence, and you almost laugh, “Hao this is Jeonghan, Jeonghan this is Minghao.”

“Great job man,” Jeonghan says in a weird tone, giving Minghao two little pats on the back and taking a step by your side, his hand on your waist.

“Thank you,” Minghao says politely, like he always does, “It is a pleasure to meet you, you are in the book industry too?” Minghao asks with his hands in his pocket,

“No,” Jeonghan almost scoffs, him? and books? God forbid, “I work with investment these type of things,”

“Oh, so you are not in the art business then,” Minghao acknowledges and you know his interest peaked even though you don't know why, maybe because you know Jeonghan so well you don't have much to unfold, while Minghao just seems weirded out by the fact that you have a Wall Street dude by your side.

“Oh Hao you always flatter me when you include me in the art business,” you say jokingly, reminiscing one of the many conversations you had with Minghao over a bottle of wine.

“I told you," a sly smile across his face, "books are a matter of passion.”

“You did,” you say somewhat reminiscing of the talk you two had back then. It was after calling him up for his second cover, after a meeting where he made you go through the book's motifs and ideas so he could have a feeling of what he should focus on.

“You should come to the after party,” Minghao says, “we could catch up,”

“Yeah I don’t think we can,” Jeonghan says while he checks his watch, he knows the question wasn't directed to him, he isn't stupid and he has two eyes, but he also is a stubborn motherfucker and now he just wants to ruin Minghao's night, and he is not about to Banksy this place up with shredded art pieces - because he is afraid his bank account can't take the lawsuit. “I have a work meeting tomorrow morning” Jeonghan reminds you, his fingers still on your waist.

“Still,” Minghao says, looking puzzled by you two, “you can stay right?”

“I’m afraid I can’t,” you say sorry “Han is driving us back so-”

“Is your phone number still the same?” Minghao asks without dropping a beat, and Jeonghan can give him that, he doesn't know Minghao but the guy just doesn't quit - he knows a stubborn guy when he sees one.

“Yeah, I didn’t change, but if you need you can e-mail me and-” You say before someone calls Minghao, it is his opening after all, a guy in the suit makes a gesture to him when the three of you look to see who was the owner of the voice.

“Sorry, I have to go, but I will call you," He says before giving you a kiss on the cheeks and walking to the guy who just called him.

Jeonghan snorts, really, what was that? He shouldn't find it so funny but it is. He takes a step back, his hands leaving you, while he looks at the painting. You know he is just pretending to analyze everything.

“What?” You ask him - missing his hand on your waist, on your neck, missing his presence around you.

“Nothing,” he says shaking his head, he is biting back a smile - laughter really, and you want to know what it is so funny, you are curious about what is going on in his head.

“It can’t be nothing come on,” you press on, your hand on his shoulder in a way to get some sort of touch from him, to regain some sort of proximity.

“Just-” Jeonghan stops, in front of another painting, his hand going back to your waist, and at the same time you think you can finally breathe again, your breath feels trapped in your throat, making you swallow on nothing, “You didn’t tell me it was an opening night to your ex-fling," he says. Eyes almost tinkling under the light and you know where this is going.

“Hao isn’t my ex fling what are you talking about?” You pretend, trying to get out of this situation because you know somehow Jeonghan will pry on, and he knows how to push your buttons enough just so you can spill everything he wants to know.

“Not fling then," Jeonghan says, hand still on your waist when he starts walking around the gallery with you by his side, until another painting that he really doesn't really care about, "an one night stand.”

“He is a friend," almost rolling your eyes at him, "I told you, I know him because of work,”

“So you are telling me you guys didn’t fuck?” And even though his words my seem harsh his tone is still light - he was truly a jerk but why are you smiling at him?

“Jeonghan, what the fuck?” You yelped, making Jeonghan's sly smile appear again.

“What?” He asks eyes still on you when you pretend to pay attention to the orange painting in front of you.

“Keep your voice low,” you mouthed, “we didn’t fuck,” you tell him again, and it was the truth, but somehow Jeonghan knew how to read between your words.

“Well,” he began, still looking at you even when he tilted his head to the side, a sly smile still on his face like he could see through you like you couldn't keep anything under wraps, and you could feel the goosebumps on the nape of your neck, your whole body tingling, “I am pretty sure it wasn’t for lacking trying on his part.”

“It would be too messy,” you finally blurt it out.

“Ah of course," Jeonghan laughs again and it almost sounds bitter to you, "so he did try, it was after or before saying the book and passion line?”

“After,” you say, your time to laugh, even though you feel the heat on your skin, a crazy addition to new feels because you are not one to actually feel shy around Jeonghan.

“And you laid him down too gently,” he acknowledges, eyes moving through the room again. You follow his gaze, seeing Minghao watching the both of you across the room, you just greet him with a smile.

“What is that supposed to mean?” You ask him, pressing your body on his sides until his arms are back on you.

“Well," Jeonghan breathes, his eyes still rummaging around the room, "I know you can break a guy's heart but apparently you lost your touch with that one because he is still down to fuck.”

“Jeonghan!” You gasped, “No he isn’t you are seeing things like you always do.” You tell him, Jeonghan had this weird superpower that he tuned in college - he could tell a guy was somehow interested in you from miles away, the first few times you actually made a bet on it; fifteen dollars, to pay him for a meal, to go with him to a frat party that his friend Soonyoung was hosting. After the fifth time, you just learned that was better to trust his judgment on it.

“Oh yeah, it truly takes a mind reader to see a guy ogling you across the room and telling you to show up at the after party even tho you have a guy on your arm," Jeonghan almost scoffs, then he leans down, his mouth close to your ear, "truly, his intention was indeed to talk about the impasto or the lighting or the shadow of his hard-on,”

“Jeonghan” you accuse again slapping his arm playfully, laughing at his antics “If I trusted you my ego would be in the clouds because every walking human being apparently wants to fuck me according to you.”

“Not everyone but a great part of it, sure." He deadpans.

“Sure, apparently you are the only exception who else?”

“I’m not,” Jeonghan deadpans again, just shrugging. Because it is not actually something he tried to hide over the years, it is nothing something that he is ashamed of either. And he is pretty sure it is something you already know since college so he doesn't have to lie about it. Jeonghan might be a coward, but he isn't really a liar.

“What?”

“I tried to get in your pants my whole high school years," He says, his eyes still on the painting, or everything that catches his attention, his eyes are everywhere really but on you. "I just gave up after the few first months of college”

“What the hell?” You try again. Everything feels kind of abnormal in your head. The way that Jeonghan says those words - like he is saying that you two should buy soap the next time you both go do groceries, it freaks you out. How can he be so normal about all of that?

And how could you be so clueless? Everything shifts in your brain - like the earth just changed its axes. He never told you anything closer to this, you are sure of it. You never suspected that Jeonghan liked you back then, or scratch that, that he tried to get in your pants. It seems something so unreal that you are having a hard time wrapping your mind around it - around the idea of a teenager and younger Jeonghan wanting something from you that you never really saw happening.

“What the hell what?” Jeonghan stopped dead on his track, finally looking at you, “You didn’t know that?”

“Of course not,” you say exasperated.

“Oh, I thought you were laying me down gently too,” he added, in the most neutral tone possible, making your head spin a little.

“No, I had no idea,” and it is true. You remember everyone from college who thought you and Jeonghan were a couple back then, everyone who found it weird when you two answered that you were just friends. You remember Seokmin, and you think about Seungcheol's words in Vegas and everything is hazed, a little out of focus. “Why did you give up tho?” You ask him.

“I just,” he says still looking forward and avoiding your eyes like the plague, “I mean, besides the fact that you got into he is not my type phase I would never kiss that man, the fact that I tried for four years and it didn’t happen led me to believe that never would, so...”

“I needed to make clear to every girl that was falling and tripping over you that I was not your girlfriend, they were pretty sure we were high school sweethearts back then”

“I think everyone we know somehow ends up thinking we are in a relationship,” he says, “I mean, clearly not goth impasto guy because that would be crazy, hitting on a woman with her husband on her side but”

“You need to pick up your husband's game,” you say kidding, while walking around the gallery with him, “I was indeed mistaken to be a single woman today.”

“I should have bought a bigger ring,” Jeonghan groaned, making you laugh, weirdly you still have the big ring on your finger.

“That’s not the answer,” you groaned because the man truly had this weird obsession with this ring and big rocks. You could tell him over and over again how you didn’t care about the ring or the rocks and he still found a way to make sure you were wearing the ring.

“And what is? If I try to be more territorial within the touch department we would be in jail for public indecency,” Jeonghan says low on your ear, his voice mischievously, while his hand presses on your hips, “Should we just go to jail?” Jeonghan asks, his hands trying to go lower heading towards your butt.

“Jeonghan, don’t test me,” you say seriously, your hand holding his and bringing up on your body. Why the fuck didn’t Jeonghan behave like a proper human being? Why your heart is racing against your ribcage? Why you are enjoying this whole thing?

The whole night you can feel Jeonghan’s hand on you in some way, or on your lower back, your neck, fingers on your shoulder, making his presence known somehow. And every time you think you are starting to understand what happened - what Jeonghan said, what that meant, he touches you again and everything gets a bit hazed, taking you to the start again.  Should you read into everything that he said to you? Would you be able to deal with it?

Those questions are still going around your brain in the car back home. Home, that alone was something that didn't make sense either. The air in the car is so thick that you think you can't breathe, the fact that Jeonghan's hand is splayed against your thigh doesn't help with the issue. The curiosity gets the best of you - you want to know all the unsaid things, you want to get under his skin and discover everything Jeonghan even wanted.

He doesn't move his hand, he doesn't stroke your skin, his hand is just there. Again, a reminder of some sort, and you almost laugh - silly of him to think that his presence could go unnoticed by you. Jeonghan has always been there on your mind, and lately even more. It makes your mouth go dry. The feeling is back on the pit of your stomach again. What if? You ask yourself, what would have happened if Jeonghan said those things back then? Would the present be different? Would that have washed away all the curiosity about Jeonghan?

Arriving home you go straight to the sofa and plop down in the middle seat, taking your time to take off your high heels, you don’t know why but you still buy pairs with ankle ties - the bane of your existence when it is three hours later and you have a thigh dress on, maybe that’s why you think you hate those types of event, even though you had a great time, saw a few friends and enjoyed the night with Jeonghan, you always ended up tired with a few blisters on your feet. You can hear Jeonghan’s footsteps around the house while you massage your feet and try to ease the tension.

You turn your body so you can stretch your legs on the sofa, the pain on your calves is killing you. You don’t even turn when you feel Jeonghan entering the room, his perfume and the sound of his slippers are enough to make his presence known. It was always like that? Did Jeonghan's presence always engulf you? Did it always make you unable to focus on anything else? Did it always make you question your own sanity? He sits down on the sofa, in the same direction as you, his legs around yours, his front pressed on your back and you hold yourself back because you almost whimper when you feel your body melting against his.

“You’re tense,” Jeonghan says his voice low, his hands pressing the knots on your shoulders.

“I am always tense and stressed out,” you say, and it is the truth. Jeonghan doesn’t need to know that for the last few weeks the fact that he is the number one reason. You almost rub yourself against him, feeling a little bit crazy and hot all over - oh no.

“Hm,” Jeonghan acknowledges. When his fingers close around your neck you almost jump on your seat, his thumbs traveling across the knots of your spine, and you are not strong enough to not whimper this time, “there’s a lot of things you could do to distress.”

“Like what? A guided meditation?” You joke, trying to get away with it, trying to downplay every reaction of your body.

“Fuck those apps,” he mutters under his breath, he is so close you can feel his breath against your nape.

“Yeah right there,” You say when his thumb presses down in a particular knock on your back.

“This one?” You just nod, don’t trust yourself enough to utter a word that doesn’t sound like a humiliated noise. Since when did you turn into a mess in Jeonghan’s hand? But you just accept your fate, feeling how soft your body feels against his. “Can I open this?” Jeonghan asks, his voice so low you barely hear, but he is so close to you that your ears catch his question.

And you still don’t trust yourself, so you nod again. Jeonghan drops the zipper of your dress and takes his time to gather your hair in his hands, and taking them out of his way, letting your locks rest on your shoulder. His fingertips trails the collar of your dress again, and you can feel the goosebumps across your skin and you know Jeonghan can see them as well.

You can feel the way that Jeonghan’s fingertips travel down your spine as he opens the zipper of your dress. And you close your arms around your chest, in order to maintain the dress in place because you can feel how loose the fabric feels against your body after the zip is down. But apparently, Jeonghan is not even close to satisfied because his fingers are tugging the straps of your dress down your arms.

Jeonghan’s fingertips are still on your skin, stroking your arms when you feel his lips against your shoulder. Before you can think about anything your own body reacts before you, giving space so Jeonghan can continue kissing the column of your neck. Everything feels a little surreal, a blur, you can't quite grasp-

Then, your cellphone starts to ring bringing you back to reality.

“Don’t pick up,” Jeonghan tells you, almost like a whisper against your ear, his hands still around your waist - but then your phone rings again and again and reality comes crashing again and again.

And you want to say that you are ok with almost being undressed on Jeonghan’s lap, that it is ok the way his thighs cage you, that it is ok how his hands feel hot against your body and how his lips feel against your neck. But your phone rings again and it must be important so you stretch yourself and try to find your phone inside your bag by feel. When you finally can reach the phone dies, and you can feel Jeonghan’s smile across your skin - like he just won. But before you can drop the phone you feel it ringing again, and when you pick up the big font appears on the screen ‘seungcheol is the best’. You can feel Jeonghan’s hand freeze against your body, the way he just goes rigid.

“Don’t pick up,” He says again but now something is different - his voice is not low.

“It must be something important,” you reasoned, because it is true. You have been trying to get a hold of Seungcheol since before leaving Vegas and yet the man didn't answer you once.

“Just-” Jeonghan tries, and you can feel his squeezing your shoulders again, almost in a silent plea.

“I haven’t talked to him since Vegas, it must be something important,” You say, your own hands going to his in an effort to show him that you understand what he is trying to say.

“Are you truly doing this right now?” Jeonghan asks and when you don't answer him he already knows.

You look at him but Jeonghan just gets up and off the sofa and leaves the room, in the end, you choose to just pick up your phone and answer it with a low “Hey cheol,” so low that Seungcheol asks if you were sleeping.

Seungcheol tells you he wants to meet, to talk about things. And you say yes because why not? You pick yourself up and close your dress. Before going to your room you stop at Jeonghan's door and before you lose all the courage that you have in your body you knock on the door, nothing, and you try again just to hear the sound of the shower across the room when you glue your ear against the door.

When you lie on your bed you don't really can close your eyes. You feel restless, your mind wavering, and you can't stop thinking about Jeonghan.

What would that mean?

If you took that leap would Jeonghan be there if everything fell apart? A shiver runs down your spine because it is the first that the answer would be a no. You ask yourself why now. What made Jeonghan change?

And you can't even look back anymore - you can't even think about your friendship with Jeonghan without it being tinted, his words echoing in your brain, "I just gave up". You play the whole conversation back in your head, almost like an old VHS tape - rewinding and pressing play, trying to see everything in another angle, rewinding, asking yourself what that meant, rewinding, thinking back, rewinding and pressing play - unfolding all the touches, and the times Jeonghan's hand lingered on your body.

You rewind until the sleep gets the best of you when it is already bright outside.

You wake up to the sound of your phone, Seungcheol calling you because he will run a little late, of course, you say while he just laughs because it is so clear that you were sleeping. When you run down the stairs, almost falling on it because your brain isn't functioning yet, you don't find Jeonghan anywhere. When you look at the fridge and there are no new notes, your heart breaks a little.

The coffee that Seungcheol chooses is pretty, and not very crowded, and even though Seungcheol is late is not a big deal, you use the time to go over a few manuscripts and spreadsheets with a cup of coffee on your side. Or at least you try to, but the truth is that you send Jeonghan a few messages and every time your phone pings you need to check if he is the one answering you - it isn't.

When Seungcheol arrives, you see him first, still from afar, his hair is shorter now. You almost laugh because that is definitely not a Seungcheol's choice, nor a haircut. His hair screamed his fiancée's name.

"Hey stranger," he says sitting across from you.

"Hey yourself," you greet him back, almost laughing at how awkward this whole thing is. Seungcheol and you walking around eggshells. Neither you nor Seungcheol wants to start talking about the whole elephant in the room - Yoon Jeonghan.

You ask him about the wedding preparation, it is going nice he says, he was late because he needed one last fit on his suit. His mother nagged over and over about how he shouldn't wear a navy blue suit, his future wife nagged about how it couldn't be black because the whole vibe of the afternoon wedding was different from a night wedding.

"I'm just happy that you guys worked everything out," Seungcheol says after a while, sipping on his coffee.

"Cheol," You try your heart already tugging on your inside.

"No really," he smiles at you, the way he always does - with a fondness you can't quite handle, like after all those years he still sees you like the kid you once were. Someone who didn't really have hold of her life and in a way, after all those years you feel like that again. "I did a lot of thinking," Seungcheol chuckles, "I think that I always have been envious of Jeonghan in a way," he breathes loudly, almost trying to gather up courage, "here I was, with my wedding date set up and still having doubts about how I feel and if I should go on with it." Seungcheol scratches her head almost like he is ashamed to tell you the truth, "And there is my friend, right? I think that the thing I always admired about Jeonghan was how consistent he was, you know me, in that way, we are alike right? We see shine things and we run towards them, a new project, a thing we like, don't even say anything about the golf gear I swear to god," he says abruptly making you laugh, and it was true in that sense you and Seungcheol were very much the same. "But Jeonghan is consistent, that man's mind is a fucking rock," Seungcheol says like a jab and you can understand why, "and yet he is more sure about you than I am about my fiancée really. And he has been sure for years, I still don't know what made him make a move-, he didn't talk to me prior to that, but I am truly happy that you guys figured it out, it took you long enough."

"I don't even know what to say," you breathe, looking at Seungcheol. You can't blurt out the words - physically unable to tell him. You think about what you should say, you should tell him -'we are not together', 'we didn't figure it out'. You want to tell the truth, you want to come clean, but you just can't. "But yeah, he has always been there for me" you laugh a little soulless. It is not a lie either, but it is not the whole truth, Yoon Jeonghan has always been there for you, but now all the other pieces of the puzzle are coming together. "I think the only thing that hurt him was you going on and on about his commitment issues or whatever.

"It's-" Seungcheol breathes, "it wasn't like that. I mean, sure, he can't commit to anyone who isn't you," he shrugs, "I think it was back when you were going out with that lit kid right? god" Seungcheol laughs, shaking his head like he just found a memory in his treasure box, "Jeonghan was so jealous back then," Seungcheol continues, reminiscing,  "he would get furious every time that guy would give you a letter, a poem, anything really. I don't know how you didn't catch up on how much he hated that guy's gut if he dissed the poor kid."

"I just thought-" you stop to think about it, "I don't even know what I was thinking back then, but I never once thought it was because of jealousy, he was dating like 3 girls at the same time back then," you tell, felling the bittersweet taste on your mouth.

"Well," Seungcheol takes another sip, "you know Yoon Jeonghan, when he doesn't get what he wants he tends to fuck everything up and push himself to do shit just out of spite. His high school crush and love of his life found her first boyfriend, how do you think he would handle that? What he could do about that? Try to write poems better than Mark? He tried to believe they were all shitty, trying to forget you was the last thing he could do for himself, even that didn't actually work."

And you feel like you are about to go into overdrive.

It is one of your flaws really, you were never one who would react quickly - your brain always trying to assess and digest everything before being able to take a leap. The problem was that you needed to unpack more than ten years, to go through every file of your life with Jeonghan and try to find a new meaning, trying to find a clue, in search of something you don't know yet, but that could make you understand, or realize.

You spend the whole day feeling a weird taste in your mouth.

The thing is, you can't quite pinpoint what are you feeling, you can't really name it. It somehow resembles feeling betrayed, you think, that you have a cheating boyfriend and everyone knows his secret but nobody has the courage to tell you, and when you actually find out you are the last one to know.

You take your time walking around town and even figure out the longest route to Jeonghan's house.

Even that sounded weird rolling off your tongue.

You try again - picking random memories to try to see if you can find a hiding meaning somewhere, a clue, evidence of Jeonghan's feelings. A crush you could understand, something small like an affection with an expiration date you could understand. You could understand the curiosity that grew in the past month.

But Seungcheol's words didn't point to that, Seungcheol's words were actually pointing in the opposite direction of that.

And if you were being honest with yourself, that made you afraid.

“I talked with Seungcheol,” you blurt out when Jeonghan finally arrives.

“Yeah, we are not going there,” Jeonghan says seriously, without looking at you - avoiding you at every cost. It is a tell, a clue that he doesn't want to talk about it. You don't want either, if you could you would never go there again, but you need to, because living things like they are right now, messy and all over the place aren't working.

“Jeonghan,” you groan, “we need to talk about everything that happened in Vegas, his wedding is in a few weeks."

“I think you were there when he said I wasn't invited so I am not really following right now," Jeonghan says his voice stuffy because his head is inside the fridge in search of something, maybe he is just trying to not look at you.

"He told me you are not answering his calls," You tell him, and before Jeonghan says anything he just scoffs and closes the fridge door without taking anything out. He doesn't actually move, but he doesn't look at you either, his head is hanging off his shoulders, and you know Jeonghan so well that you know that nothing will make him move. You know you are not going to win, but yet you press it on, because you are tired of things being left unsaid, of Jeonghan bottling everything out and things ending up being your fault.

"Why are you being so fucking stubborn about this?" You ask watching Jeonghan just shake his head, "he is your best friend."

“Yeah like Seungcheol’s is flawless,” he bites back.

“Jeonghan this is not the point right now-" You start before he cuts you off.

“It is never the point right?” He asks you, finally looking at you, still holding his weight on the counter, "Is never the point, is never the right time, is never them it is always me fucking it up because it is Jeonghan he is not serious, he can take it, you guys can go on and on and god forbid if someone doesn't wanna take more bullshit from you."

“Come one don’t get angry with me,” you plead.

“Of course, right, I can't even get angry," Jeonghan says before he heads to walk out of the kitchen.

"Jeonghan," You almost beg making him stop and look at you, "we really need to talk about everything."

"Talk about everything or for you to be Seungcheol's spokesperson?" He says, and when you don't answer he completes, "Then no, we are not talking”

“Of course, because that will solve everything," you say almost groaning, "he is your best friend for god's sake, he still thinks we are in a somewhat relationship, he wants to talk to you, he feels guilty for being an asshole. He is sorry." You try almost stomping your feet at every word.

"Well, good for him," Jeonghan says like words don't have enough weight to make him care.

"Come on Jeonghan I'm trying here," you whine.

"Trying to do what exactly?" He asks, "Did you ever think about what actually happened since Vegas?" He says finally looking at you, and you feel even worse. He almost laughs when you don't answer. "Okay, I did, I spent every single second thinking about it and I am really fucking tired of thinking about it. I tried to put it through a different lens, I tried to put myself in other people's shoes, I tried to be reasonable and understand everyone, look I really did, and I did a great job understanding that you forgot the whole damn thing, of course, you can forget me telling you that I am head over hills for you sure, you can forget that you were the one who kissed me back then sure, of course it happens, I mean," Jeonghan scoffs, "I understand for years what is a few more months right?"

"Jeonghan-"

"No, let me finish this because somehow it will be my fault again so let me make everything clear," he says - back again looking at every corner around the kitchen but not laying an eye on you; "Seungcheol knows, he always knew about everything, he knows how many girlfriends gave me fucking ultimatum and I always choose you. He knows how many women broke up with me because they knew I was in love with you, sure, everyone in my fucking life knew but you - I understand that too sure," he stops, breathing loudly and you feel the lump around your throat way to thigh, "and he fucking knows that if I could I would've got over this sooner, so yeah, maybe I was too fucking sensitive when my friend act like I was a fucking coward who has commitment issues and would never do anything about it sure, it's my fault great, I can be responsible for that. I can take that sure, I can take Seungcheol, what I can't take is you playing dumb after last night, that I can't take it, and to be fair I don't want to, I don't have to, and you don't have a lot of excuses this time, I guess you remember right? And I think that time I made myself pretty clear so this time you must know right?"

You have been building your life around Jeonghan's for years. In a way, Jeonghan's life and yours were beautifully intricate, to the point that you weren't quite sure where one ended and one began. You think about how would your life be without Jeonghan's presence, and how would your future look like. And that scared the shit out of you.

"And that took you how many years Jeonghan?"

"Don't do that," he says and his voice feels almost small.

"Sure, I am sorry if I'm being fucking selfish right now, but you had your own time to think about everything, right? You have had years to come to your own terms? I'm freaking out here, do you think that's easy for me? Do you think it is easy to think about the aftermath if this goes wrong Jeonghan? Sure I understand that maybe that is your tipping point great, I understand that, but you are my friend and I don't fucking know how we will go on if we fuck everything up," you laugh, "I think we already passed that apparently."

"We didn't fuck it up," Jeonghan says, "Why can't you trust me for once?"

"I do," You say, and it is the truth, you trust Jeonghan with your life, "I do, I am just scared. You took your time to figure everything out, but every time I look back now I think about everything you didn't tell me,"

"I told you everything," Jeonghan says and you can almost feel his desperation, "I was sincere about everything,"

"Now you are just telling lies," you say laughing dryly.

"Sure I didn't tell you everything, but the things I haven't told you are small in comparison."

"The fact that you like me isn't small Jeonghan," you say, and it finally downs on you, that this - his feelings are a huge thing that you can't quite hide.

"What I am trying to say is-" Jeonghan says, finally taking steps and getting closer to you, "I will not go anywhere," you hear him - even though it feels like he is whispering, "even if we fuck up, even if this doesn't work out, I will not go anywhere, if that's what you are afraid of then you have nothing to be afraid. I won't go anywhere because that would kill me more than would hurt you, and even though everyone around me thinks I am a masochist I would prefer not to die."

"I would rather not hurt you," you say and you feel like you could cry, "I am sorry if I ever did."

"You did," Jeonghan says, taking your hand, and holding it firmly like that act alone can show you how serious he is, "but nothing I couldn't take, even If you hurt me again, I can take it, I will take it." 

Even if both of you don't want to, things stay a little weird between the two of you for some time. Like both of you are back to being so conscious of each other presence that it is just weird to jump right back at it, or, actually, take a step in another direction. But things fall back into place - more because of Jeonghan’s attitude than yours. He is the one that calls you for dinner, and he is the one that hugs you when you enter the kitchen.

He is the one that is trying to make things not weird. And you love him for it, you just love him, heatedly.

And the thing is, you always loved Jeonghan, but somehow, this kind of love and appreciation feels new and it is so scary, it makes you realize how everything is so fragile. But, at the same time - it makes you curious, it makes you wonder, it makes you act first just to see Jeonghan’s reaction.

Like when Jeonghan’s is whining about something and how he wants to quit his work so bad and you just hug him - almost melting against his back, placing your chin against his should and you can see Jeonghan freeze for a few seconds before he starts to pay attention on the food again.

Or when you start to watch a movie together and Jeonghan just melts in your lap, falling asleep while your hand goes through his hair. The next day when you whine about it he sweats to God he didn't sleep, he was paying attention to the movie, if you want to he can say the whole movie plot and all.

When the first Ttoram prototype arrives you are so excited that when you both place the little bunny on the dinner table, when she flops down - face diving because her head is too big - you are so happy for him that you just hold his face and place a quick kiss on his lips. Jeonghan looking at you wide-eyed. You almost start to laugh before you mutter:

“I told you, her head is too big,” you say trying to place Ttoram upright again.

“It is her charm, her brain is so big that she is dumb,” He says his voice weirdly fond, hands on your body pulling you into him.

“Yoon Jeonghan,” You stare at him - that weird mischievous smile on his lips, “what is that supposed to mean?”

“You should be honored,” Jeonghan says, holding your face almost making you yelp because his hands are so freaking cold, “You are my muse after all.”

And you almost curse him. But the thing is Jeonghan is cute, so will let it pass.

The thing is most of the time you are giggling and kicking your feet at everything Jeonghan does - that crush is so weird because you used to be stronger than that, now you are just falling in all of his antics, and boy doesn't he love it.

He just says the weirdest things out of nowhere just so he can hear your laugh. He holds you every time he has a chance, just pulling you close to hug you. But his favorite part of this new thing is how movie night now is just the two of you starting a movie to just act like a horny teenager.

Jeonghan is always the one who initiates it in a way. Sometimes is just caressing your arm before you start kissing him and licking against his mouth. Sometimes he feels bold enough and places his hand under your hoodie. The details always change but he always ends up with a hard-on and feeling like his younger self.

And it is happening again, his cock is hard, and he can barely hear the movie that is playing on the tv because you are kissing him and he can feel himself melting against the bed, like his whole body is going limp.

It is stronger than him, really. He wants to stay calm and collected but before he knows it he is already a whimpering mess, fingers digging in on your waist, his hips moving on their own, searching for some kind of pressure.

It is such a weird feeling, feeling so boneless and yet, feeling like he is a string - being pulled thigh enough he is about to snap at any minute.

When you break the kiss Jeonghan almost whines but before he can say anything you are already kissing his jaw so he just breathes loudly - accepting everything you want to give him.

“Can I suck you off?” You ask low on Jeonghan’s ears and he almost drop dead right there, like a fucking high schooler, like a teenager who just cum on his pant and drop dead when see a woman naked. And that would be fucking humiliating. He waited for so long he can't just burst a fucking nut in his own pants.

Jeonghan wants to answer you, he wants to say yes and maybe even mutter a please and thank you but somehow his brain is not even working properly, he is beyond dumb. But his dick is hard against his pants and he cannot even think properly - his brain is working overcapacity right now to try to take everything in.

So he does the only thing he can do in the moment - he pulls you into a kiss, and it is messy but Jeonghan doesn’t really care, focusing on the way you taste against his tongue. Jeonghan feels your cold hand against his stomach and he almost jumps at the spot, but you just whimper against his mouth when he does the same thing.

Jeonghan thinks the two of you are beyond niceties - you just told him you want his dick in your mouth, so he lets his desires win, while one of his hands is holding your waist under your shirt, the other one he uses to grope your ass. He squeezes your ass and at the same time, he tries to get your body even closer. You end up with your leg over him, across his hips, Jeonghan with his last functioning neuron takes the chance to shove his hand under your shorts too.

“Han,” you say when you come up for air, hand still splayed across Jeonghan’s body. “Come on,” you try again whining.

“Hm?” Jeonghan questions, his eyes almost closed and his head bent.

“You don’t want to?” You ask, voice low, taking the time that he uses to think about an answer to trail your lips across his neck, sucking at his skin, “I really want to but if you don't that's okay?”

“Hm?” Jeonghan mumbles - for a second he has no idea what are you talking about, his mind focused on how you feel against his hands, the weight of your body against him, how every curve of your body is pressed against his, how you smell and you taste.

“Suck you off,” you say again against his neck, almost petulantly like Jeonghan isn't paying attention, and he really isn't, but you shouldn't blame a man.

“Fuck,” he says almost whimpering.

Jeonghan was never like this - in his life nor in bed. He was never a mess, not to this point. Jeonghan always pretended to be somewhat collected, holding the strings of his life tight enough he could make his own choices, but it was never like that when the topic was you. So when the feeling pools on his belly, a reaction to how your fingers feel against his throat, taking matters into your hands when you grab Jeonghan's chin and maneuver his face in an angle so you can have access to more of his skin.

Jeonghan thinks he can die like this - almost dry-humping your leg. But apparently, you have other plans, your hand tugging at his joggers. Jeonghan's only reaction is to lift his hips, trying to help. It doesn't help much, but it is enough for you to shove your hands under his underwear, making Jeonghan shiver. When your hand finally finds his dick he almost melts, the tip of your things trying to map out everything before you apply pressure on it. He moans softly before closing his eyes.

He wants to be patient and wants to take whatever you give him, but the truth is he can't quite hold back anymore. His hands left your body so he can get hold of your face, kissing you. "Want to see you," he tells you, using all his strength to take one of the straps of your pajamas down. Kissing your shoulders, trying to map your collarbones with his mouth.

When Jeonghan tries to move the strap down your arm you don't budge, shaking your head telling him no, "don't want to stop touching you," and Jeonghan almost short circuit when your hand wraps around him and give his dick a few tugs.

"I know baby," Jeonghan coos, almost delirious out of his mind, his hand holds your wrist and takes out of his cock and the way that you just whine makes him even more desperate. His whole body is limp, almost melting. Jeonghan thinks he might die if he doesn't get naked, but he is too entertained with the view of your boobs in his face.

He knows there is an easier way to do this but fuck it, he is not in his right mind. Instead of taking out your flimsy excuse of a pajama Jeonghan just shoves It down, tugging at the end of the fabric while he kisses your chest. The way that you hold his head is so delicate that makes Jeonghan feel weirdly treasured even if he is completely debauched lapping at your skin. And Jeonghan takes his time, appreciating every inch of your skin

He could spend hours like this, he thinks - almost melting against you, kissing your chest lazily. He drags his tongue across your skin until he can reach your nipple, his hands come up your body until he can grab your boob so he can angle just right before his mouth is back to your body. Jeonghan thinks he can die like that, it would be a good way to go - your fucking tits on his face, your body pressed on his, his hard-on against your thigh, everything feels dizzy. When you shove your chest on Jeonghan's face, holding his face against you, he just takes it because he is so down and so horny that taking it is the only thing he can do.

"Hannie," you call and Jeonghan really just has enough strength to look up at you, without his mouth leaving your chest, "Just let me-" you try to say without much control of your own situation.

It is not like you are in your right mind either. Jeonghan's hands feels warm on your skin, and he holds you so tight that you think about the aftermath of his grip - you should make a mental note to check for marks after this, and that alone makes you tremble. You can only think about how Jeonghan's body feels against yours, how his mouth is still on you, and you want to cry because it is just so good but not enough. You feel you might cry. Or worse, die.

You press Jeonghan down until his back is pressed down on the mattress. And God he is so pretty, it makes you almost feel delirious.

When you sit down on Jeonghan's hips he feels like he is almost dying. Everyone he ever wanted felting very pale in comparison when he lay his eyes on you - hair already a mess, lips red from kissing him, flimsy shirt pooling at your waist. Your hands sneak under his shirt, and he almost laughs, damn he must be looking so dumb right now - feeling and behaving like a fucking virgin while his crush is on his lap, taking her time with him. You lift Jeonghan's shirt, dragging your hands underneath it, almost whining and frustrated when the shirt doesn't stay around his neck. Cute - he thinks, when you pout Jeonghan realizes he said that out loud.

"Just take it off," you whine again, tugging at his shirt.

Jeonghan just nods, holding your hips for leverage until he is sitting upright, holding the back of his shirt and taking it off in record time, before Jeonghan lies down again he feels your hand on his chin, holding him so you can kiss him again. Damn, he is lucky. But before he can think another thought you are pushing him back on the bad again, his hand on your hips.

Your hands travel on his body, caressing him - making him feel so close to losing his mind it is almost ridiculous. When Jeonghan's feels your fingers graze his neck he feels almost delirious, when your hand palms his chest and your digits press against his nipples it Is his time to whine, he almost feels like it is just too much, maybe he is closer than a step away from coming in his pants.

One of your hands is splayed against Jeonghan's stomach when the other one tugs  the waistline of his pants, pulling the elastic band and letting it hit against Jeonghan's skin. You shuffle around his hips, sitting on his thighs now and Jeonghan is ready to complain when you tug on his pants again, this time actually getting the cloth to move and get it stopped by Jeonghan's hard-on.

"Baby," Jeonghan mumbles, "that's too much," he tries again, but apparently there is nothing he can say to make you stop - and in all honestly he doesn't want you to.

Jeonghan thinks he will die if he doesn’t get his dick free. Even though he doesn’t want to he takes the hand off your ass so he can take down his joggers, shoving his underwear down at the same time, his other hand still firm on your waist.

When your fingers close against Jeonghan’s shaft he almost sees stars. You give him a few experimental tugs. He feels so breathless, how is that even possible?

You almost scoff, looking at how even his dick is pretty - really, you should complain because it is so unfair. You press your finger on his slit, collecting the drop of precum, and the way that his dick twitch it makes your mouth water, but before you can even complete your thoughts Jeonghan’s hand is holding your face and bringing it down to another kiss.

If it was up to Jeonghan he would kiss you the whole night, but you had other ideas, using one hand to shove him until he is lying again when the other one is still on his dick. He is pretty sure he can feel your taste against your mouth but yet he feels parched. When you start to press kisses on his body, the only thing Jeonghan can do is take it.

Jeonghan thinks you want to wreck him. He feels you press your lips against his nipples, his hips buckling on its own, and you stroke his dick a little bit harder. Jeonghan can barely breathe, yet, without wasting a second you are doing it again - pressing your lips to his other nipple and licking it.

Before he can even wrap his mind around that you start to lick his belly and Jeonghan almost sees stars. He just feels everything, and apparently, your tongue dragging against his skin goes straight to his dick. Jeonghan doesn't know how, but he lifts himself up on his elbows, the view alone could make him cum - you still kissing him, lips on his hips, pressing Jeonghan's dick against his tummy, fingers rubbing his frenulum and he is just so sensitive that he groans before he can hold your hand making you stop.

"Too sensitive?" You ask and why the fuck do you sound so out of it when Jeonghan is being pulled and pushed around the edge?

"A little," Jeonghan answers breathlessly, his tongue dry against his mouth.

"Ok, noted," you say before doing something even worse - placing your lips on the same place before kissing the tip of his dick.

You wrap your lips around Jeonghan can't really control himself, he just pushes his hips slightly so you can take more of him, and god when you moan around him almost makes Jeonghan forget every trace of decency and good bed etiquette. But damn you just look so beautiful sucking his dick, one of your hands digging on his thigh and the other one still wrapped around his dick that it is physically impossible to not thrust his hips up.

"God," Jeonghan says and he sounds so defeated against his own ears, "fuck, you are so pretty," he tries again, looking at you and when he sees you looking up at him, eyes almost twinkling with the praise. And his mind almost snaps - oh, you felt that didn't you? The joy of discovering something every time Jeonghan's hips snapped. He gets it now. It is almost like a power trip. "So pretty, taking my cock," Jeonghan tries again and he almost can feel your moan against his dick before he can hear it.

Every word that Jeonghan mutters makes you take more of his dick into your mouth until he is hitting the back of your throat, god and how he can take that? Your lips around him, your tongue dancing around his dick, the hollowing of yours checks each time you suck him. He is delirious and out of his mind. He tries his best, he really does, but his hips have a mind of its own, and before he knows it he is thrusting up again making you gag around him.

Then your mouth leaves his dick and Jeonghan feels like he is about to collapse, everything just feels so much - the sound, the spit trail, the way your breath is irregular, fanning against his skin - and yet the intensity of feeling nothing makes him mind spin a little bit.

"Come here," Jeonghan mutters trying to catch his own breath. You crawl up his body and Jeonghan can only focus on how messy you look, lips glossy and pink, and he can see the faintest trail of spit on the corner of your lips, he presses his lips there before he drags his fingers on your lips, "I let you suck my cock, can I fuck you now?"

"Please?" You ask back and Jeonghan can feel his dick twitching.

"How do you want me?" Jeonghan says tugging at the bottom of your shorts and he almost laughs when you just shove everything down at once - and he could laugh really, at your desperation but first, he is way worse than you, second you are so pretty that he can't wrap his mind around the fact that everything he conjured up in his mind every time he thought about you when he was lazily stroking himself didn't do you justice.

"You can stay like that," you say, and before Jeonghan can mutter an answer you are already placing your knees on the sides of his hips, his hands automatically going to your waist, his mouth pressing against your collar bones.

One of your hands goes to Jeonghan's jaw, just holding slightly, while the other one wraps around Jeonghan's dick again - and he swears he would say something but his mind goes completely blank when you press your pussy on his dick. Your hips moving to make his cock disappear between your folds, making it drag against your clit, Jeonghan can feel how wet you are and god everything just feels so hot - he feels tight all over, like his muscles are contracting, even the ones he didn't know he had.

"Are you getting off like this?" Jeonghan questions and his only answer is a whine and your hips buckling against him, "Come on baby," Jeonghan tries again, hand now holding your hip, guiding your movements, "I can-" Jeonghan breathes, he doesn't want to say it but, "If you keep going like that, pussy so pretty against my cock, I will cum before I-"

"God," you groan against his shoulder, "can you really?"

"Yeah," Jeonghan almost laugh, his hand grabbing your ass. Of course, he can, he could've come already, but he is dragging this off, he is holding himself back. "Babe," Jeonghan calls you, mouth hot against your neck, "I could've come on your mouth, I'm so hard it is almost painful,"

"Can we-" You almost hiccup, "can we like that" you mumble again, "you can fuck me later," you say and Jeonghan almost sees white.

God, he could cum like that this wasn't even a question, the question was could you? The fact that you were over the edge like him was enough to drive him crazy.

Every time you drag your hips against him Jeonghan's let out a little moan, and he feels so wrecked that he just plants his lips on your neck, sucking at your skin. Jeonghan does not know if it is a reaction or is just because he is losing his mind but he can tell you are getting faster, the rhythm getting a little off, the way you breathe against him, everything just seems too much, and Jeonghan can't take it anymore.

The world stops spinning for a bit - everything just stays still.

Jeonghan is out of it until the sound of your breath brings him back. You are almost pouting. "Did you?" Jeonghan asks, himself breathless too.

"No," You whine and you feel so frustrated that Jeonghan pities you a little bit.

"It's okay," he says - because it is he will take care of it, it's not a problem.

But when Jeonghan looks down he almost cums again. It is so messy. Why there is so much cum? God, he blinks at the view - trying to take everything but mainly you, hovering on his lap.

"Han," You call and Jeonghan is brought back to reality.

"Yeah, yeah, sorry," he says, and it is not like he is in control anymore, his mind Is just gone, he just drops his hand - scooping his own cum and placing it own your pussy. You moan so loudly and Jeonghan can feel your desperation, pressing his digits more firmly against your clit, "Like that?" He questions and you can only nod your head, words falling. Jeonghan holds you close to him, your chest against his, your hand still going between your legs, his other hand holding your waits, "Fuck how can you be so hot," he starts going making you feel a light-headed, "I will eat you later okay?" Jeonghan says, "Don't worry, I will eat you out and I will let you fuck me, you just need to tell me what you need."

"Just," You hiccup, "Just like that."

Jeonghan listens to you, even though the position is not the best to his wrist and he could do so much better - but you just keep babbling on and on about how you are almost there, how he just needs to stay like that, how you are feeling so good that he listens to you, how could he not when you are almost coming undone against his fingers?

And then you bring Jeonghan's face up to a kiss, his mind was too focused on his fingers disappearing against your folds to catch on earlier, but you don't seem to mind when you lick against his mouth and finally cum. Jeonghan holds you against his body for a few seconds when he finally hears you groan.

"God I am so sticky," you complain and he finally laughs.

Jeonghan though, keeps his promise and he eats you out after that, and he fucks you too, and then, he just forgets he has his own room.

It is weird how much you two fit each other. And how seamlessly you two turn into boyfriend-girlfriend situations, or legally, husband-wife, but who cares about silly papers really?

Everything is normal really - Jeonghan keeps saying he need just a better Ttoram version before you two start promoting on social media. You two keep sharing dinners, and Jeonghan even makes a point about how the two of you need to go on a date. You bribe him, telling him he needs to call Cheol before the wedding - and he just shrugs and picks his phone up calling his best friend, you almost scream, it was that easy?

You two share everything, you don't know why but Jeonghan just chooses your bed to sleep in, you question him saying you want to sleep on his bed too - it just smells like you, is nice - he says before making a weird noise after face planting one of your pillows. 

It comes to the point that you get weirded out when you wake up and he is not on your bed. When you pick yourself up and finally drag your body out of the bed - something weird happens, an unknown voice resonates in your house - okay not yours, Jeonghan's but...

You find Jeonghan in the kitchen, back facing you, sipping a cup of tea with another woman. A very gentle elderly lady, her hair is almost all white, and everything about her screams grandma. She sees you before you can say anything,

"Hi dear," even her voice is gentle.

"Han?" You ask when Jeonghan stares at you, eyes fondly taking up your sleepy self.

"Hey baby, come here," He says opening his arms, "come here Iris was talking about how she was visiting her third grandson can you believe that?"

You could, sure, everything about her screamed grandma in uppercase letters, but what was happening?

"Yes," the old lady answers, "where was I?" she claps before she picks back up again, "See like I was telling you, Aroon's mom is my youngest daughter, and her pregnancy hadn't been the easiest so that's why I couldn't bring the table back," she says and you neck almost snaps, looking at Jeonghan's, he is so proud of himself that you almost scream. "So I'm sorry dear, your husband told me how much it meant to you but I was out of town so-"

God, he looks so proud and so full of himself, he couldn't be happier right now. God, you are so deeply in love with him. You could marry him all over again.

[BONUS SCENE ONE - THE WEDDING}

“Are we doing this for real?” You ask and the world is kinda spinning a little bit, by your side, Jeonghan holds your hand. You both stare at this little chapel, the Elton John one because you said that you would prefer to be married with don't go breaking my heart, Tiny Dancer or even Berry and the Jets as a soundtrack than any of the Elvis’s songs and of course Jeonghan listened, he listened to everything you said. What a fucker, how could you not be in love with this guy? What? Wait-

“Of course, we are doing this, we made a bet,” Jeonghan says still staring at the chapel.

“Only because we made a bet,” you say looking at him. When Jeonghan turns his head to look at you something inside you sings a bit - like a doll with something in the inside broke and jiggling inside.

“Of course darling, only because we made a bet,” Jeonghan says, holding your hand firmly, he smiles at you, and out of nowhere he is running inside the building and you follow him around because why not?

It seemed like a fucking great idea, and you both did lose the bet, even though right now you can't really think straight - how does a bet work? Can both people lose a bet at the same time? You are not totally sure but you guess Jeonghan is right, it can happen.

[BONUS SCENE TWO - BIOGRAPHY]

When Jeonghan finally opens the hotel door you almost fall in the room, but before you fall face flat on the floor Jeonghan's hands save you from breaking your nose.

“Wow, what a gentlemanly husband I have,” You say, tapping his chest.

“Sure, sure, perfect husband material right here,” Jeonghan says pointing at himself the door still open.

“You are,” you gushed, hands on his shoulders searching for some kind of balance, using these high heels shows was so wrong, but you knew at least you would be pretty in your wedding pics, and in the end, that’s all that matters - the pictures for your own autobiography that you will make for your grandchildren. You always told Jeonghan that you would make one for him too, with every single thing he gave you as a safe keep and the collection of pictures you have of him in different times of his life. You have pictures of Jeonghan with his long hair, with his short hair, the time he died it was almost white because he thought it would be so so cool and ended up hating how it fucked up his scalp. You had the material, you had the story, and you could do his biography, the funny thing now it is that his grandchildren could be yours too.

“What are you laughing at?” Jeonghan says, kneeling at your feet and taking your shoes off, wow, a life-saver.

“I just thought about grandchildren,” you squealed in a high-pitched voice that you didn’t know you had until Jeonghan’s hand found your hips.

“Grandchildren?”He asks you softly.

“The biographies,” you say and Jeonghan nods, “I was thinking about how I always pictured us together when we were gray and old in a nursing home together all that jazz, but know that I thought about it, your family will be my family so the grandchild will be the same kids, I won’t do your biography for your grandchildren I will do your biography for my grandchildren as well that changes a lot of things,”

“Like what?” He asks amused

“I don’t know if I want to tell them about the time you were sure to have gonorrhea or something like that”

“I do think we can let this story die with us,”

“wait, now that I am thinking about it like we only have one family," You say, a pouting on your lips, and Jeonghan almost melts, "that means only one visit in the nursing home because like when our family as separate entities we would have two families so two visit yours and mine now that I think about it I think we should divorce

“We are not divorcing," Jeonghan says.

“We can annul It,” you try again.

“We won't do it,” Jeonghan says, shaking his head like you are talking nonsense.

“But two visits are better than one,” You say showing him your fingers and trying to make him understand that two are indeed better than one, boys like girls even sang about this, was Jeonghan dumb?

“I won't have a family if it isn't your family,” Jeonghan says plopping down on the bed.

“Of course you can have a family,” you are sure of it Jeonghan is amazing there is nothing stopping him.

“But I don't want to,” Jeonghan whines looking at you and you get it, you finally get it.

“Damn boy you are crazy about me,” you say laughing, laying on his side.

“Now you are catching up,” Jeonghan says while his arms close around you.

“Still think two is a bigger number”

[BONUS SCENE - SHOULD WE?]

Jeonghan, your husband of three years, is eating on the kitchen counter and you can almost hear the gears in his brain turning and twisting. Sometimes, you think that maybe, Jeonghan is like a toy that he built the week prior, if you pick him up and shake him around you can hear loose parts of him rattling inside of himself.

“What are you thinking about?” You ask while opening the fridge.

“Should we go to Vegas again?” He asks taking a bit of his breakfast.

“Vegas?” you say - your head peaking and your body stretched so you can face him while the fridge door is open. 

“I was thinking we should renew our vows,” he says like he is thinking about buying lunch because he cannot bring himself to cook, “you know, I want you to actually remember our wedding.”

[lurkingshan]

Hellooo, do you have any recs for well written bls that also deliver on the romance front? My favorites that are both great shows and great love stories are Eighth sense, Old fashioned cupcake and I told the sunset about you ( the 2nd season is great but I dont f with cheating)...

Hello! I am interpreting your ask to mean you want bls that 1) are focused on a Big Love Story as their main purpose and 2) have strong writing that nails the romance, in particular. With that in mind, here's what I would recommend in addition to the ones you already listed, sorted into a few categories.

Dramatic and Swoony

La Pluie

Two soulmates (or are they?) meet, try to figure out their relationship, and decide whether they care what destiny has to say about it. Also features an equally swoony side couple romance. This show is Big Romance all around and very much in conversation with the genre.

I Feel You Linger in the Air

It doesn't get much more epic and swoony than this show about a modern gay man who gets sent back in time and falls in love with a young heir. This one has an asterisk next to the strong writing criteria because things get pretty wobbly in the final arc, but the romance stays strong throughout and it features some of the best bl romance scenes of all time.

Bad Buddy

It's gay Romeo and Juliet, but nobody dies (though importantly, someone does get shot). This one is tumblr famous for a reason!

Romantic Comedy

Cooking Crush

The sweetest romcom Off and Gun have ever made, with a simple love story between a med student and a chef. This show has some flaws--they let a drunk monkey take over the editing booth on a few episodes in the middle--but it's well written and the romance is great.

Cherry Magic Thailand

A remake of the Japanese original, this one shocked most of us by improving on an an already solid show. It's a fantastic romance, alternately funny and poignant and sweet as hell.

Semantic Error

The perfect bl romcom doesn't exis--

Light On Me

A high school love triangle where everyone is likable and the right boy gets the guy.

I Cannot Reach You

High school friends to lovers and done exactly right. This show is so goddamn charming and funny while still managing to get to the underlying angst of this trope. Perfection.

My School President

This one is all first love and high school shenanigans and a ton of original songs that will get stuck in your head.

Comforting and Cozy

Sing My Crush

Here's one for your constant rewatch list. A story of two best friends who love each other instantly but take awhile to make it explicitly romantic, as one of them is hurt and hiding and the other is oblivious yet somehow still devoted. You will love them.

Takara’s Treasure

This is a gentle love story between two lonely people who are exactly the right fit for each other but struggle with their own insecurities.

Our Dating Sim

A second chance romance for two high school friends who meet again as adults after a bad separation. Short and sweet with just the right touch of angst to burrow into your heart.

Angst Baby

At 25:00 in Akasaka

Two actors who first met in college are cast in a bl together, and the lines between their professional and private lives start to blur. This is a really beautiful and evocative show.

Wedding Plan

A gay man who is preparing to marry his lesbian best friend to protect themselves from their families falls in love with his wedding planner. It's a classic romance trope but this show does it so well, with an added layer of queer angst that really deepens the story.

My Beautiful Man

A high school story that centers on a psychologically complex relationship dynamic that will not become fully clear to you until the end (by design, the writing for this show is remarkable). It's not a traditional romance but it is a deeply moving one, and if you like it there's a sequel season and movie that are both also great.

Theory of Love

The messy angst-ridden friends to lovers drama we deserve. Don't skip the special episode, it's one of the rare cases where the special is actually crucial to the story and not just bonus fluff.

My Tooth Your Love

This one is romcom shaped but also deals a lot with trauma, so on balance it's more of an angsty romance. Warning for dentistry (which I recently learned is an issue for a lot of folks on here).

Gameboys 1 and 2

A pandemic-era romance that starts long distance before our boys can come together in real life. Definitely watch both seasons!

Jack O’ Frost

The only bl that has ever used the amnesia trope well. A romance gone wrong that gets an unexpected second chance after an accident forces a reset of their relationship. I found the themes of generosity and forgiveness in this one really moving.

Seven Days

This one is what it says on the tin--spend a week with two teenage boys as they try out dating each other. I really love the structure of this one, and the romance is well done.

[jtl07]

a college theater au that's been in the back of my mind and just gonna let free for shenanigans because why not

"Bea can do it!"

silence drops suddenly, swiftly, completely throughout the black box. Beatrice doesn't know if she's ever felt the theater be this still as she herself freezes, half-kneeling in the midst of the cables she was arranging, carefully not looking at neither Shannon -one of her oldest friends and the director and the one who can and will see everything on her face- nor at Ava -her best friend, her (supposedly not so, according to Shannon) secret crush- who plows forward with her trademark fervor and lack of grace.

"she’s been helping me with all my lines -"

"helping is a strong word," Bea mutters to herself.

"- and she already knows all the blocking-"

"because that's my job"

"and the audience is gonna love her even more than they love me. Shannon, think of how good it could be!"

Beatrice can feel Shannon wavering but final project or not, Beatrice has to protest. "Ava, i can’t possibly stage manage and act at the same time.”

"it's not impossible," Shannon says thoughtfully, "and it's just for one of the plays."

"we can all help out," Mary chimes in, not even looking up from her screen as she continues programming the lighting. the others are already nodding and smiling encouragingly and for once in her life, Beatrice wants to curse: this production for bringing together her most favorite and the most supportive of people; JC for being a kind-hearted son who'd dropped everything -including this production- to take care of his suddenly ill mother; and Ava for her logic and that pout and that look in her eyes -

breathe, her mind commands, and she does, sharply, deeply. goes over the facts: opening night is 2 weeks away; it's one play in a half-dozen collection of 1-act plays; the production is worth 40% of Shannon's final grade; no one else can help. in her mind, Beatrice tries to argue the last point - tries to suggest one of the other actors but she knows that both Camila and Lilith have their hands full with their roles for the other short plays; tries to suggest finding someone else but how could they possibly audition and rehearse with someone completely new in the time they have left?

then she makes a mistake, a classic one: she catches Ava's eye. finds in Ava's gaze hope and encouragement wrapped up in that warm regard that makes Beatrice do stupid things - like trying every ice cream store within a 10 mile radius of campus and having to deal with Ava's inevitable stomachache; like staying up until 2am watching Beatrice's favorite documentaries because had Ava insisted, because Ava'd said she was interested; like letting herself start to believe - that maybe, just maybe Ava could feel the same way too.

like saying: "fine." sighs for good measure "fine."

Ava cheers and Beatrice doesn't miss the relief that moves through everyone else -she ignores Shannon's swiftly hidden grin- then stands still when Ava bounds towards her and kisses her on the cheek.

"there's more where that came from," Ava giggles, waggling her eyebrows as she shimmies away and Beatrice freezes for a second time that day.

because she forgot.

the kiss.

fuck, Beatrice thinks - knows the only one she curse for this is herself.

[haphazardlyannotated]

Steven Universe told from the perspective of other characters

Garnet: A story of gay empowerment from start to finish. As a book it would be titled either Made of Love or Stronger Than You and feature Garnet's gauntlets with her wedding rings on them as cover art.

Amethyst: A seemingly wacky coming of age story that drops the most heartfelt moments when your guard is down. The cover resembles kids' detective stories, the kind where the whole gang is looking around for clues to the mystery.

Pearl: Everything up to Rose's death is an ancient literary classic titled The Ballad of Rose Quartz, illustrated with intricate inkbrush paintings. Steven Universe season one to three is the kind of introspective life after tragedy novel you pick up to look sophisticated reading. It's probably titled Without Her or something similiar. I don't have a title for season four and onwards, but the blurb is "it's not easy to manage twenty girlfriends, two life partners, a son and a dark past at the same time!" It's much more lighthearted than the previous two, but still prone to punching you in the emotions with little warning.

Connie: A magical adventure series just like the Unfamiliar Familiar! It centers Steven the magical boy with his best friend and eventual love interest Connie as the female lead. The tone gets a little darker after the first book/season, but less so than the original Steven Universe (let alone Steven Universe Future).

Greg: First a coming of age story, but unlike Amethyst this one is about breaking away from toxic people in your life. This story gets its happy ending when Greg finally finds someone he can be himself with in Rose. The time until Rose's death is a romantic comedy titled My Girlfriend, her Girlfriend and Me and conists mostly of shenanigans. After Rose's death and Steven's birth, it turns into something more bittersweet centering Greg's worries about being an adequate father to his magical son.

Peridot: It's titled How I learned to stop worrying and join the Rebellion and is easily the most lighthearted installment here. Our dorky protagonist is very obviously a somewhat unreliable narrator, but in a funny way. She encounters a few struggles, but they are quickly overcome with the power of friendship.

Lapis: This is just multiple whump fics. They're in a collection titled Bad Things Happen Roulette. Steven Universe the Movie is a pretty standard fantasy adventure with a group of powerful heroes though, and Steven Universe Future is the fluff fic with a smidge of angst you'd read as a pick me up after Bad Things Happen Roulette.

Bismuth: The war is a good vs evil sci-fi story with lots of social commentary. The Diamonds are definitely irredeemable here. I don't know what to do with the few episodes of the original Steven Universe she was in, but the movie is an empowerment narrative against systemic oppression titled Still Standing, or something in that style. Steven Universe Future however is a romantic comedy.

Rose: This is just a straight (well, bi) up tragedy. Our protagonist desperately tries to recover from her childhood trauma and be a good person, but is ultimately unable to escape the prison of her own mind. The book wins several literature prizes, but very few people actually read it because it's just too depressing.

[oh-no-its-bird]

Some Cardcaptor Sakura stuff ended up on my dash and now I'm thinking about a classic magical girl au. Magical girl Izuna my beloved,,

Has anyone done that yet? Am I going to have to be the one to do that? I'm totally going to have to be that guy aren't I. You know what tho, I think I'm ok with that

Alright;

✨️ Magical girl Izuna time ✨️

I think one or the biiju should be his animal mascot / contractor. Kurama is the obvious choice but Matatabi could be fun, and also like, cmon, fire cat.

Alternatively though in a totally different direction, maybe Amaterasu can be the contractor. It could both play into Uchiha lore and also have some shit about his power coming from the rising sun with his magical girl transformation. Maybe he gets stronger the higher the sun is in the sky, and then weaker at night to the point that he can barley even transform. Maybe the villain of this hypothetical magical girl show could be contracted by Kaguya, and get stronger with the moon in contrast.

Fun scene where despite it being night, he's able to transform because of sun lamps or some conviniently placed solar pannels or smthn.

Maybe the villain of that episode was depending on tech or something, so he gets to shout some quippy line about how "Oh yeah don't you just LOVE the wonders of modern technology!" Before fucking bludgeoning them to death with a magical girl staff or whatever his weapon is

Anyways, set it in vaguely highschool because this shit is always set in a school and I wanna have fun hitting all the tropes.

It acts on a "monster/villain of the week" system with some big shadowy bad guy apparently pulling the strings behind the curtains. The monsters are all existing people or animals, "corrupted by the shadow of the moon" or something along those lines. The moon promises them power to fulfill their wishes but then the wish will inevitably go wrong or the power will be too much for the person, corrupting them.

Izuna uses the power of Amaterasu's light and violence to purify whatever person/animal and return them to normal. Only some people are harder and sometimes require some good old power of friendship yelling to get through to them (this does not stop Izuna from usually just defaulting to violence tho)

Amaterasu lore dumps on him that they must be being corrupted by the power of Kaguya-hime, who was sealed away over a thousand years ago. And that with each monster made, she must grow closer to fully escaping. Which is why it's important that Izuna purify these people as fast as possible, to make sure that Kaguya doesn't receive power from their contratracts with her.

In the meanwhile, they need to brainstorm a way to put Kaguya back in her prison if she escapes. Because if she continues corrupting people for their energy, unless Izuna finds out how she's able to communicate with them from her prison, she will escape.

I want Hikaku as the token best friend who's let in on the magical girl secret (maybe by accident at first) and helps from the sidelines despite having no real power (he's the one who would have pulled in clutch with those solar pannels / sun lamps)

Tobirama can be the classic "ice prince" character who Izuna kind of hates and has a stupid rivalry with that usually seems one sided; Till he manages to rile up Tobirama enough to bite back

Touka as a foil to Hikaku but for Tobirama, acting as his best friend and occasional pain in the ass for both him and Izuna (she thinks Izuna is hilarious and that the stress migraine he causes Tobirama is good for him)

Seemingly clueless Madara and Hashirama, who turn out to be the reincarnations of the guys who originally sealed Kaguya away. They've both just graduated and seem to be too busy entering the adult world to notice Izuna getting caught up in magic shenanigans

School princess and shrine maiden Mito, who's ancestor was someone who helped to seal Kaguya, and who's family shrine still contains some hints at how they did it.

Itama as that one specific trope of a really sickly guy who everyone at school is always gossiping about, and who Tobirama is wayyy overprotective of.

Izuna, Hikaku, Touka and Tobirama are all in the kendo club. Hashirama and Madara were kendo champions and rivals before they graduated and now Izuna and Tobirama seem to be taking up their mantles.

So, Izuna is defeating new moon-mad monsters every week. A lot of them seem to pop up in conviniently nearby places, but he's no closer to finding out how Kaguya supposedly gets in contact with them.

As his adventures progress, he sometimes catches the coat tails of a mysterious other magical girl, but magic prevents him from remembering their face. But they'll appear and help out when he's in a really bad situation, and he sometimes catches them just watching. Suspicious!! But they're too fast for him to ever pin down for a real conversation.

Anyways; Eventually it seems like the monster of this week is going to be a steadily growing tense and unstable Tobirama. Izuna had started to learn the signs of oncoming moon-madness, and he can sense Kaguya's power eating away at him. He swoops in just in time as he sees the power start to consume Tobirama, only to watch as he's somehow able to fight back and regain control.

Still, Izuna will do his due diligence and burn the power away before it can turn him!

Tobirama does not seem to appreciate this. At all.

Queue identity reveal! Only not on Izuna's end.

So, the first twist in our story is that Tobirama ends up being the bad guy.

Flashback some months ago to when this all started:

Tobirama somehow stumbled on Kaguya where she was sealed away. Just like how Amaterasu can only interact with the real world through Izuna, without a magical girl contracted to her to act as her hands, Kaguya could do nothing to escape. So when Tobirama found her, she was immediatley readying her pitch; promising him power, knowledge, all sorts of things if he just helped to set her free. Even offering to bring back his dead brothers.

Though... well, Kaguya's power was fickle. All gods powers are. Amaterasu was only able to contract Izuna without exploding him with the heat of the sun because he was already born one of her children. And Tobirama isn't Kaguya's to claim, which means he ran the risk of getting fucking vaporized or corrupted or going crazy if he accepted the contract.

But with the promise of bringing his brothers back on the table, he wasn't about to say no. And maybe it was through sheer fucking stubbornness, but he was able to handle it. Kind of. He's managing.

(Which is why Izuna can't just purify him with Amaterasu's light or by talking him down, like he does with every moon-mad monster he fights. He's not possessed like they are, he's a proper countracted magical girl, just like Izuna)

Tobirama was able to bring back Itama and give Kaguya some more freedom behind her seal, but still mostly locked away as she was, Kaguya didn't have the power to bring back Kawarama as well, and Itama was brought back weaker than he'd died as.

Which is when Tobirama took matters into his own hands.

He began approaching other people, much like Kaguya had approached him. Offering them contracts with Kaguya on her behalf— only they turned out to not be able to hold on to the contracts like he could. Being corrupted or going mad and becoming moon-posessed. Still, each contract he made added to Kaguya's power and brought her a little closer to escaping her seal. (And closer to giving Tobirama his last brother back)

(And hey, with Izuna keeping the damage to a minimum and helping purify the people after, Tobirama didn't have to feel as guilty about the damage he was causing)

(Still though, when it looked like Izuna was struggling, he'd try to pitch in. Or when a person made an especially desperate wish or had a specific goal to fulfill with their contract, he'd try his best to help with that. If only as an apology)

But stubbornness wasn't enough to keep him safe from the sharp edges of Kaguya's power forever, and as time passed and the more contracts he made and power he gathered for Kaguya, the more he began to risk being consumed himself.

Which leads back to the here and now, with Tobirama assuming that since Izuna attacked, he'd been made. And Izuna first being really fucking confused, then really fucking concerned, then really fucking mad.

They fight, Tobirama gets away, and the next day Izuna gets to experience the most painful school day of his fucking life. Starting with the realization that, while he can recognize Tobirama since he saw him transform, Tobirama doesn't actually know Izuna is the magical girl

Interlude:

Izuna: What the fuck why did he get a wish when he became a magical girl, I want a wish why the fuck didn't I get one

Amaterasu: :3

Izuna: AND PANTS?? WHY DOES HE GET PANTS???

Amaterasu: teehee <3

Izuna: Don't you fucking teehee me right now

Tobirama, knowing he's going to lose himself to Kaguya's power and aware that a) he's come too far there's no backing out now, and b) he's ok with losing himself if it means he can at least bring Kawarama back, decides to go full throttle. Skips all his classes and dissapears to go do shady shit behind the scenes as he massively moves up the time table for setting Kaguya free

He's already losing himself, might as well pump more power into people to create bigger, badder monsters— getting Kaguya even more power and putting even more strain on himself

This is about when Touka finds out what's happening with him, and decides she's ok with embracing the morally gray lifestyle for her bestie. She gets Tobirama to agree that once Kawarama is back, hes ending this shit for good. But till then, well, she always did tell him she'd have his back no matter what. Now she gets to parallel Hikaku even more!!! Yay!!!

Queue final battle time! Kaguya is on the very edge of escape and funneling more power into Tobirama than ever! Tobirama is either about to explode from the inside out or turn into a whole moon monster, it's unclear but he is this fucking close to losing it all. Quite literally, actually.

Touka gets to have a teeny bit of Kaguya's power for this battle, knowing the fight would be short enough and that she has enough self discipline to not immediatley go moon-mad.

She gets to face off with Hikaku, who gets his kendo sword blessed by Amaterasu so he can fight back against her moon powers.

It's all very dramatic and Tobirama gets to fully break out of his ice prince shell as he and Izuna scream and beat the shit out of eachother.

Im thinking that no matter what happens, Kaguya still gets free in the end and it's revealed that actually she and Amaterasu are like, bitter exes and this whole thing was a fucking lovers spat

Season 2 is just 20 episodes of Izuna being mad at Amaterasu as she and Kaguya make out passionately in the bg

Kidding. Probably. Idk I'm having a lot of thoughts rn, there's a shape of something to continue the magical girl train but I need to go do work shit so I'll leave this here for now and come back to it later

[stainedglassthreads]

shipsinker.com has been inaccessible for the past couple months. For those unfamiliar, that's the site of the comic artist Rich Morris, who created The Ten Doctors. Perhaps the best and most complex Doctor Who fanfic in the fandom, which beautifully interweaves all the Doctors, most companions, and a good number of aliens from the show's start to 2007--I could even class it as one of the best fanworks in general. And that's not counting other works of Rich Morris' that I'm not very familiar with.

Fortunately, parts of his website can still be accessed on Web Archive, including the page where you can download all his Doctor Who comics. I encourage any fans of the show to do so, to help preserve them, since they're just a really incredible fanwork.

You want Rose Tyler making friends with a short ex-waitress from an ice planet whose hobby involves making explosives? You want Grace Holloway to briefly mistake Time Lady Romana for a regenerated Doctor and decide that she's still down for a relationship with a female Doctor(and for Romana to later patiently explain 'I'm not the Doctor, but you shouldn't be embarrassed about that kind of mistake, and I'd be interested in doing it again with full knowledge of who we both are if you are')? You want REALLY old characters from Classic Who like Omega, Susan, and even the Meddling Monk? You want wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey shenanigans up the wazoo, and the Doctor outsmarting entities in the most unlikely, glorious ways? I invite you to check it out.

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

Hi I'm a big Classic Sans fan do you have any more HC from him interacting with all the other Skeletons?What do they all think of him?

Let's do a "What Sans thinks of all the other skeletons"!

Undertale Papyrus - His little (well not so little anymore) hero. Sans is so proud of how well his brother adapted to the Surface and he is so admirative of how he managed to completely give up the Royal Guard to become a nurse. That's so much more fitting for him and he is happy he's finally living his dream of helping people to the fullest. He's so good at his job, he couldn't be a prouder big brother.

Underswap Sans - They're close friends. Sans will never not find it funny how he's so much similar to his brother and somehow looks so disturbingly like himself. He admires Blue a lot for his bravery and strength. He wishes Papyrus could be that comfortable with how powerful his magic is sometimes. Maybe that would have happened too if Papyrus ended up being the big brother, who knows.

Underswap Papyrus - They're really close friends. Sans realized really fast that Honey is like him, but a little more shyer. He can't help but dragging him into his shenanigans because Honey transforms into some god of mischief when they're planning pranks together. They're a menace to society and they love it. They both have the same type of humor and they love hanging out together.

Underfell Sans - Red is so funny. To annoy, I mean. They have a cat-like relationship. Red is always suspicious when he's around and Sans can't help but mess with him whenever he can do so. He can't help it. Red is soooo easy to prank and the fact all his tries to get back to him fail is even more hilarious. Sans can never get bored of him.

Underfell Papyrus - He's not very comfortable with Edge. He can tell he went through complicated things, but Edge tends to use a little too much his past as an excuse for everything he's doing and Sans doesn't like that. Sometimes he is just mean to others for no valid reason. He prefers to avoid him.

Horrortale Sans - They have a complicated relationship. Sans has nothing against him, far from that, but Oak is resentful towards him. Sans knows it's not really his fault, and that Oak just sees a lot of his own past mistakes in him. He's a little bit his ghost of the past and Sans can perfectly understand why Oak doesn't like to hang out around him too much. He respects that and tries to stay out of his way to help him feel better. Who knows, maybe in a few years?

Horrortale Papyrus - It's still heartbreaking for Sans to think that whatever happened to Willow could have happened to his brother in another timeline. He can't fix what happened, but Sans is always nice to Willow and tries to make him feel comfortable when he's around. It's hard to ignore he is so much like his brother, even though Willow is so traumatized he's refusing to call himself Papyrus again. Sans hopes Willow knows he can be himself around him.

Horrorswap Sans - Sans can tell a lot of people misunderstands Nugget and think of him as insensitive. Even if he could never understand how he abandoned his brother in the end, he can perfectly understand all he sacrificed for his brother to not be killed, until he was not feeling anything anymore. Nugget has a lot more things in common with him than what he could be ok with. And sometimes, that scares him.

Horrorswap Papyrus - He feels terrible for Pumpkin, especially because he is so close to his Underswap counterpart. Sans can tell that whatever happened to him completely broke his spirit. But he can tell that people pitying him are not helping either. So he does what he does best and tries to bring back a little bit of Pumpkin's jokester side by dragging him into some shenanigans with Honey. He can tell Pumpkin loves being included and all his expression changes when he's having fun. He hopes he will get better eventually.

Horrorfell Sans & Papyrus - He doesn't know a lot about them and they're pretty secretive about their past. He can tell though they've been through a lot as Copper is a lot less receptive to humor than Red. He just tries to be nice to them, but kindness is obviously not what they need.

Swapfell Sans - He's not sure about Nox, he's hard to read. Sans can tell he got badly abused by someone. He was abused, he knows these things. But his universe is very, very different from his, and even if Sans is trying, it seems they haven't found a good way to communicate yet. Sans would like to know him better, as he can tell Nox is way more than that grumpy little man figure he's playing, but he's not sure how to help him talk. Sans has a feeling they are not that different though, the few things he learned about him are awfully similar to his own story.

Swapfell Papyrus - Rus is a little too much for Sans to handle. He likes him, but he likes him better when he doesn't see him for long lol. He's a prankster, but at least he knows when things are going a bit too far. Rus doesn't. Sans can tell that's probably because he grew up by himself, and that he is a lot more of a sad clown than what he tries to pretend. Sans uses humor to deflect trauma, Rus does that too but makes it his whole identity, which is actually very concerning. It looks to Sans that Rus is screaming for help but that no one is noticing. So even if he is not a big fan of Rus, he tries to be nice to him to get him to confess. Rus needs someone to talk to.

Fellswap Gold Sans - Nah. He can tell when someone tries to manipulate him and he's definitely not fooled by Wine's little game of charm. Sans can feel he has a very high LV and it makes him uncomfortable. Unlike with Nox where he can tell the LV is mainly because he didn't have a choice, it's very clear to him that with his skills, Wine had a choice and clearly chose to hurt people anyway. He doesn't trust him and stays very cold around him. He doesn't want Wine to find things he can use against him or his brother.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - And that's a shame because, on the other hand, Sans loves Coffee. Coffee reminds him a lot of Papyrus in his teen years, except that it's clear no one helped to boost his confidence a little and he stayed in a perpetual state of anxiousness that got worse. He's messing with him a little, but that's never meant, mainly to try to make him laugh a little and relax. Sans can't help but be a little protective around him, even if he tries to hold back as Coffee is clearly lacking independence. He can tell Coffee is dying to do things by himself, and can perfectly do them by himself, but that without Wine's consent, he's lost. He's not sure why Wine kept him under a dome his whole life but that clearly didn't help his brother and actually made him scared of everything. Coffee definitely needs help, he's just not sure how he can help him.

Outertale Sans - Sans loves to hang out with Moon. They're very similar, which is weird sometimes, but Moon used to live in space, and for Sans that makes him the coolest monster to hang out with. He's always go full nerd mode when he's with Moon and keeps asking a thousand questions about his universe because he's just so curious. He would love to visit his world if he can.

Outertale Papyrus - He calls him his space brother, even though Sun and Papyrus are actually very different. Sans can tell that's because space was a lot more dangerous to grow up in than the Underground actually. Sun has hyper-fixations like his brother, but it's more of a hyper-fixation on security instead of very dangerous traps. He can still remember how poor Sun almost fainted when Papyrus showed him his very unsafe gauntlet of deadly terror.

Dancetale Sans - They're close friends. They're basically twins, except Rambo is actually not lazy and does sports lol. That's the only difference. Not all people know that though and their favorite game is to prank people by making them believe they're having Sans hallucinations. Sans everywhere. They could never get bored of that game.

Dancetale Papyrus - Salsa is so similar to his brother that it happened once or twice that he mistook him for his brother. For his defence though, Rumba made the same mistake with Papyrus too. If you don't know Salsa likes dancing instead of deadly puzzles, it's hard to tell the difference. They're wearing different scarves now so people stop making the mistake.

Dancefell Sans - He's even funnier to bully than Red because Rumba is very gullible. Sans plays some of his best pranks to Rumba because he always realizes long after it's done that Sans pranked him. Sans is living for those small moments of realization. The look on his face is priceless.

Dancefell Papyrus - He's not a big fan of Tango. He reminds him a little too much of Papyrus when he wanted to please everyone Underground. Except it's working for him, and now it's clear the guy is putting way too much pressure on himself. He's not sure when, but it's pretty clear for Sans that he's going to be overwhelmed at some point and that it's not going to be a good experience for him.

Farmtale Sans - Sans sees Sam as a sort of mentor figure. It's hard to explain. They're the same age but Sam has so much older Sans energy that Sans often comes to see him for advice. He's not the only one doing that, so maybe he gives this impression to a lot of people. Sam always has good words when he's feeling a little down and somehow always manages to remotivate him a little. He's also extremely patient and always happy to help. It's clearly one of Sans' best friends and Sans tries to be there for him too when he needs it, even if it seems nothing can break Sam's spirit. Sam even manages to convince him to work on the farm sometimes, that's how good he is.

Farmtale Papyrus - Sans loves Ben a lot. He's a very shy version of his brother but with the same spirit. Sans also guessed really fast that he's transgender, just like him, and that it's really recent. Sans is helping him to accept his new body better and is glad to give little tricks to help. He can tell people were not so nice to him when he changed and he wants to prove him not all people are like that actually.

Mafiatale Sans & Papyrus - He doesn't know them that much but he knows they both have high LV, even though they never lived Underground. Sans does not trust them. That Sans looks a little more too condescending and he doesn't know what's wrong with that Papyrus, silent and just staring at people like they're prey, but he doesn't like it.

Mafiafell Sans - Despite sharing a love for dogs, that's pretty much all they have in common lol. Sans mistook him for Red once but quickly figured out Fang has a lot less humor than Red when Fang immediately tried to kill him for mocking him. Sans learned his lesson and stayed out of his way now.

Mafiafell Papyrus - That's what happened when Papyrus never got out of his goth rebellious phase. Sans is glad he escaped that. It's also clear that this Papyrus got way too many privileges growing up and his condescending nature shows it. That's clearly his brother if he got enrolled young by the wrong people. He can't hate Torpedo, but he stays out of his way. His unstable LV is worrying though. That's clearly a ticking bomb that doesn't has any conscious of the consequences of too much LV.

Ink - Sans smelled problems the first time he met him and decided to not interact. He doesn't know what is the deal with that guy, but that can't be good.

Error - One day, Error told him that everyone was an anomaly but that he was ok. Sans is still not sure to that day if it was supposed to be a compliment or not.

Disbelief Papyrus - That's his second brother. Sans was wondering why Delta kept snooping around the house until he realized that's because of him. Delta was dying to talk to him and was too scared to do so because he had his own Papyrus. Learning how he lost his Sans was heartbreaking and Sans knew that all poor Delta wanted was to have his brother again. So Sans adopted him. He doesn't care if he has two Papyrus, all he saw was that his brother was in bad psychological distress and needed to be comforted. With time, Delta realizes by himself he's not his Sans, takes his time to grieve his brother, and starts loving him for who he is and to get better, that's all that matters for Sans. Sans considers him as family the same way Papyrus is and may have secretly promised on the tomb of Delta's Sans that he would take care of him so that other Sans can finally rest in peace.

Killer Sans - Killer wants nothing to do with him and made it very clear. That's good because Sans doesn't want to do anything with him either. He knows they're the same, he doesn't know how the hell he ended up with so much hatred and so much LV, but that can't be good. He's not sure he is ready to know the truth anyway.

Dustale Sans - Dune tried to kidnap Papyrus several times, and tried to kill him twice because he interfered. Sans is not sure what's his deal but he doesn't like him. He's not sure what happened to him, but Dune clearly crossed the line by pushing his magic limitations to the point LV became a part of his personality. You don't get to that point without trying to see how far you can go. You don't get to that point without wiping the whole Underground actually. Sans doesn't trust him the slightest and wants him to stay far away from his house.

[luv-again]

@shadamytober

Yeah, baby! Day 25. Again, another gift I'm bestowing you all with on the behalf of my sister. She took the 'jealousy' prompt on a more envious leaning route, with Amy having to attend Sonic and Blaze's wedding (she wanted an excuse to write a bit of Sonaze too hehe) while still unmarried. Ensue shenanigans, emotional turmoil, love confessions and tooth-rotting fluff. This is the whole shebang, for sure <3

Fic under the cut x

Shadamytober - Day 25 : Jealousy

(Amy)

Today was the day of the wedding and all Amy could think about was how she wasn't the one getting married. I mean, she should be happy for her friends, right? It was the classic situation of being the bridesmaid never the bride. First it was Rouge, and Amy swears that Rouge only picked her because she wanted someone that wasn't Shadow as a bridesmaid and that was only because he was walking her down the aisle. So it was Amy to be chosen as the bridesmaid. From a hat. But no less a bridesmaid. And now she was yet again a random pick.

Amy fixed the necklace she was wearing and turned to Cream, who was tugging at her arm.

"What's the problem?" Amy tried not to snap at her friend but failed to do so.

"Maid of Honour needs you."

"Needs or...."

"Amy!" Her name bellowed from the other room. Amy sighed and walked towards the sound of the voice. She fiddled with the door handle before pushing it open. In the large room stood Blaze. She was right at the centre as people hurried around her, trying to make sure every inch of her was perfect. And she was. Her usual updo ponytail was traded for a knotted bun which had a veil hanging from it. Her extravagant dress hung down to the floor with diamontès individually sewn. Her make up was already done with a clean natural look with a pink gloss. She was a true princess. It was enough to make Amy cry for the fifth time that day. Next to her stood the Maid of Honour, Marine. Marine shooed out the other people in the room and stood by the door. Blaze let out an exhausted sigh.

"You can leave, too."

"Of course, Your Majesty." Marine stumbled out and Blaze turned to Amy.

"Are you alright?" Blaze asked with little movement.

Say no, say no. Honesty is your policy, Amy.

"Yeah, I'm great. You look amazing, by the way." Blaze smiled. She wasn't used to compliments but she was getting better at accepting them. Amy could thank the groom for that one.

"I hope you and Shadow are getting along... I wouldn't want you to be stuck with a hedgehog you don't like for the whole night." Amy smiled.

"And I wouldn't want you to be stuck with a hedgehog you don't like for the rest of your life." Blaze didn't laugh.

"Not funny. You know I don't like him. I love him." Yeah, Blaze was never great at jokes. "Just please look after him..."

"Of course! Shadow is one of my best friends. I'll look after him..." If only that were true. During the whole rehearsal dinner, he was checking up on her and looking after her. And how did she repay him? Stepping on his toes during the rehearsal of the dance. So embarrassing. He assured her that it was fine and that he didn't even feel it... but she was making him look like a fool with her lack of rhythm. They'd tried to practise long after everyone else had left but had little progress so he made her call it in for the night. Blaze smiled again. Why was everyone doing that to her? Are they pitying her? Great, that's going to make her feel a lot better.

"Thanks for being here. I don't know what I would do without you." Blaze clasped Amy's hand in her's and Amy caught a glance of her engagement ring. Another reminder that she wasn't getting married.

🩷💌🩷

"LINE UP!" Marine called from her spot at the door with Tails. Both of them had appointed themselves bosses in making sure everything went to plan. Cream was at the front with the flower Chao (a tradition where Chao threw the flowers during the ceremony. The moment Cream told Blaze about it, Blaze immediately went and added it to her wedding.) Amy and Shadow were to follow, while Marine and Tails were to be last. If only Shadow could hurry his sorry butt up. They specifically asked for all of them to be there at the right time and Shadow was late. He had a reputation for that. He'd be in for it as soon as he arrived.

"Sorry I'm late... I was on cold feet duty. I needed to make sure the groom didn't throw up on his nice suit." Amy frowned. Was it bad that Amy wished that he wasn't there and was with her instead? That way a wedding might not go ahead, and she would still have a chance at getting married before everyone else and before she's left alone. Single and alone. Or maybe she just wanted Shadow to be with her. Reassuring her. One look in his eyes and she instantly forgave him.

"Don't leave me standing here alone. We stick together. Remember?"

"Of course. But there would be no point if there was no wedding." Fair point, if that wasn't exactly what she wanted.

"I'll leave you to dance on your own and you'll look stupid."

"You seem to forget that I'm good at it and I prefer to be alone. You'll be hopeless without me." He was right. Even through his jokes, he was right.

"Outfit check." Amy ordered as she did a twirl.

"You're serious?"

"Outfit check." She twirled again and was met with Shadow's blank face. She waved at him. "Hello?"

"Uh... yeah. You look lovely." He paused and she swore she caught him eyeing her over again.

"Your turn." He paused and looked amused. "Don't make me repeat myself." He did a reluctant 360° turn. "Yup! You look good. Sol dimension attire looks nice on you..."

"Uh... thanks."

"Oi! Is it mating season or something? I said quiet!" Marine jabbed at them. Amy felt her face heat up out of pure embarrassment and Marine just smiled back at her. The doors opened up to let the Chao and Cream enter first, then it was them. Shadow held his arm out for Amy to grab and she did. She huddled up to him as if she was only safe if there was little to no distance between them. Shadow looked just as awkward as Amy. But they had to at least look like they were a pair. For show. Marine gave them the signal and they walked out onto the aisle together. 

The room was packed with people. The usual group of familiar faces, Silver, the Chaotix, Rouge, Knuckles, their kids. Knuckles had refused the place as one of the best men to help Rouge keep the kids at bay. They were struggling. It was written all over their faces. They needed a break. Possibly Amy will offer to babysit for them so they could take some time off. It couldn't be so hard.

Apart from that, the room was filled with faces Amy didn't recognise. She figured that they would be Blaze's side. Given her royal blood... there would be a lot of people wanting to see the princess get married. And the people who couldn't make it to the ceremony... they'd tune into the livestream. No doubt Eggman was watching. He seemed truly hurt when Sonic didn't invite him and pulled a stunt to gain Sonic's attention. Of course that didn't work due to the fact that Sonic had been in the Sol dimension for months and had no clue what Eggman was up to. Amy felt bad for him once he figured that Sonic wasn't going to be there. He didn't even put up a fight when Shadow told him to get lost. Times were changing and he wasn't the only one disappointed with it.

Amy looked up at Shadow, who was smiling the whole way down the aisle. At least he could pretend. It was strange to see him smile or laugh. Amy giggled and looked away just as he turned to her. Amy waved at Silver who was struggling just as much as she was. They had their reasons, but Amy thought it was sweet of him to travel all that way just for his friends' wedding. True devotion. Amy had no idea what his presence was doing to his future but Amy respected him anyway.

They had reached the end of the aisle and there was the groom, Sonic. He gave them a smile that totally blew her away. His doubts weren't there. Either Shadow did an amazing job at keeping his cold feet at bay, or... Sonic was doing a great job hiding it. Sonic nodded at them, as custom to let them go to their separate sides of the altar. Shadow twirled her to him and kissed her hand before finding his place next to Sonic.

No matter how many times she was told that he was going to kiss her hand at the end of the aisle, it still surprised her. Her stomach did flips and her heart raced so fast it could beat Sonic in a race. Amy shifted to her spot next to Cream. 

After Marine and Tails had walked down, an airy aura fell over the room. Amy looked over to Shadow, who looked like he was having the time of his life with all the quiet. He caught her staring and they locked eyes for a moment. That moment ended quickly when the doors opened up to reveal Blaze. She had chosen to walk down the aisle alone and hand herself to Sonic. Amy admired that. Even if it was just how things were done in the Sol dimension.

All the eyes were glued to her as she walked down the aisle with the bouquet of roses. She did that in honour of Amy. It made her cry when she found out. Amy tore her eyes away from the bride to look at Sonic. He was starstruck.

What she would give for a love like theirs. 

Once upon a time, she had obsession and then that faded away. She had a soft spot for Sonic for a long time and they had something going but he figured out that they wouldn't work out. They wanted different things and... now he is doing the exact same thing Amy wanted. Boy, did she want to scream at him. But she didn't. In reality, she didn't care for him in that way anymore. Sure, she did when she first found out about Blaze and Sonic, but she had Shadow to help her through that. She was lucky to have a friend like him.

Sonic and Blaze had locked eyes from the moment she entered the room and they didn't look anywhere else. It made Amy want to bawl her eyes out from pure joy for them... and jealousy. Blaze made it to the end of the aisle and handed the bouquet to Cream.

🩷💌🩷

The ceremony was lovely. Sonic truly did make an effort to be presentable and responsible to Blaze's side, but he had his mess ups. It was bad that Amy found joy in the way he stuttered through his vows that he decided to say straight from his heart instead of writing them. Of course, he saved himself in the end... Like always. Still, he screwed up. If Amy was in Blaze's shoes, she wouldn't have let that slide. Amy had looked over to Silver and they shared a look that he wouldn't have done that either if he was Sonic.

Then there were the photos. Most of the time she was standing next to Shadow or Blaze. She had to get reminded to smile because for the majority of it, all she could think about was Shadow's hand on her waist. That was not one of her best moments.

Now she was sitting at a table at the reception. Shadow was next to her playing with his cutlery until he turned to her, leaned in to whisper in her ear.

"I'm going to go get another drink. Want anything?"

"Champagne?"

"I'll be back soon." Shadow stood up and immediately swerved to a small toddler behind him. "And what do you think you're doing?" Shadow knelt down to be on the same level as the kid.

"I play." She looked up at him and batted her eyelashes... Yeah, no doubt Rouge's kid.

"I'm busy right now. Go find your Mama."

"I have?" She pointed to one of his inhibitor rings. Shadow winced.

"Do you remember what I said about that?"

"They make you superhero. I want." Shadow shook his head and the toddler started to scrunch up her face. Oh no... she was going to cry. Shadow could see it too. He picked her up and swung her round.

"You can come with me. Hang out with the superhero." She nodded and then they walked off. Amy didn't realise she was staring at him until Marine laughed.

"What?" Amy snapped. Marine continued to giggle. Amy started to feel immensely insecure. Cream decided to specify.

"Marine finds it funny how you were staring at Mr. Shadow."

"How was I staring at him?"

"Wait, wait, wait, wait. Like this." Marine tried to imitate Amy's look. Amy was not amused.

"I did not."

"You truly did. Sorry, Amy. It was very similar to how you used to look at Mr. Sonic." Amy frowned.

"Cream! Shut up." Amy got out of her seat and walked off to a different table. Maybe she could go find Silver and see how he's doing. Before doing that, she took a quick glance over to Shadow again. He was now talking with Sonic where the toddler had switched into the blue hedgehog's arms. Sonic laughed at something he, himself had said and nudged Shadow with his foot. Shadow surprisingly laughed too and then Sonic turned in Amy's direction. Amy looked away as fast as she could but could see that Sonic had noticed and was possibly telling Shadow about it. Amy walked towards Silver as fast as she could. 

Silver was sitting alone. All of the people who were sitting at his table were now mingling with others and he decided to stay put, glass of alcohol in hand. Amy kissed him on the cheek and sat down.

"How're you holding up?" Amy reached forward and rubbed his arm.

"Uhh, yeah... Could be better." He downed the last bit of his drink and abandoned the glass on the table. "I'm happy for her really... I love her, so I want her to be happy. Not miserable." He turned to her. "You're probably doing worse than I am."

"I'll admit, I would be... I'm just mad. Mad that he went through with it. Mad that he basically lied to me. Mad that he married Blaze but he would never marry me. I'm... so..."

"Mad?"

"Yeah. But most of all, Silver, he never wanted to get married or have kids with me because of the responsibility and pressure. But what does he do? Marry a princess! And he's aware of the stress and responsibilities and he still went through with it. Was it me?"

"Sometimes I find it easier to blame myself than the other person," Silver admitted. "It makes things easier for me."

"Once... I thought I was going to be the first one to get married and have kids, and now... and now... I'm gonna be the last... I haven't even dated anyone since Sonic and I claim I'm over him. How can I prove that…?"

"Amy, the answer is right in front of us. We regret things that we could never change but you're able to shape your future. We need to let go of what's holding us back and move on. You especially, it's been years. Me... I can sulk a bit longer. But you... you've had your time. You know what you want. You just need to go get it. If you wait for things to come to you, you won't have a grasp on it and it will easily fall out of your hands. If you take control and hold on to what you want... you... you can keep it. You'll be happy, Amy. I know it." Silver reached forward to grab another glass of whatever he was drinking. He had a collection sitting there. He was not moving from his spot. "Go on. You might meet him here. Some stranger could be the love of your life someday."

"Thanks, Silver." Amy stood up and gave him another kiss on the cheek before heading in the direction of Shadow. He had been taking his precious time with her drink. Shadow was still talking with Sonic.

"Pretty!" The toddler pointed at her. Amy giggled. That was sweet of her. Shadow looked traumatised while Sonic chuckled and nodded at the toddler.

"Yeah, she is. Nice going." Sonic booped the toddler on the nose and received a giggle in return. Sonic winked at Shadow before walking off. Shadow held a champagne glass for her to take.

"How's Silver?" Shadow asked. Had he been watching where she was?

"Not good."

"And you?"

"I'm good. Happy for Sonic and Blaze. Not at all wanting to be the one getting married."

"Why? I don't see the appeal. A large unnecessary party to declare things that could have just been said between the two of them. Then having the pressure that you have to stay together. Years down the track you start to resent each other and all love is gone. I'd rather not do that. ‘Death do us part’... the only thing ever dying is love."

"That is untrue."

"Oh, really? Do Knuckles and Rouge look as happy as they used to be?"

"They're tired. They have kids... They're busy. How dare you make assumptions?"

"You're right... Well, can't tell me I didn't try to make you feel better."

"So you don't hate weddings?"

"No. Not at all. You get to see two people who are madly in love share a bond. I mean after I saw Sonic... There was no doubt of the otherworldly attraction he has for Blaze." Amy couldn't help but listen to him talk. Every word he was saying lined up with her values... Maybe that's what happens when two people spend so much time together. Or maybe that's what happens when... No. Amy tore the eye contact and took a sip of her drink. She sidled up to Shadow and leaned on him. He looked down at her but didn't say anything. He knew... he had already said enough.

It was cute the way he did that. He knew exactly when to shut up. There were moments where they would sit in a car together and just sit in each other's company. He knew that sometimes just being there was good. They'd been friends for so long she forgot what he was like when she first met him. But they'd come a long way since then. They cottoned on to every emotion they had and what to do to cheer each other up. They'd go out every weekend to get dinner. They'd Facetime every night just to talk about the most random stuff... The funny thing is that it doesn't feel the same when she's with Cream. If Cream and Shadow were Amy's friends... How come it felt so different with Shadow?

Amy was cut out of her trance by the ringing of cutlery and glass. Marine. Great.

"Hi, guys! Just want to get your attention to tell you guys to sit down and hear a couple of words from the bridesmaids and best men. Starting with me." Marine's speech went on for what felt like forever and Shadow leaned over to Amy asking whether or not he should yell at her to get off the stage. Amy shook her head but laughed anyway.

Tails' was short and sweet. He didn't have much to say except how happy he was for them. The jealous thoughts started to creep back into her head.

Cream's was lovely. To everyone else. Yet again, Amy started to hate it. Cream was her best friend and hearing her talk such kind words for the couple made Amy want to swap places with them again. Amy wanted Cream to be her Maid of Honour and say all the sweet things to her and... someone. Shadow noticed her scowl come back and reached for her hand. She was distracted from her thoughts again as the heat in her face was more of a priority than her jealousy. The fingers interlocked with hers were at the front of her brain. How could he do that so easily? Calm her down with one single touch.

Shadow was up next and her eyes followed him from the moment he stood up to the stage. Shadow cleared his throat.

"I'm not good at these things but I'll try to keep it shorter than Marine's. 

“Sonic, when I met you, you were just a thorn in my side and you stayed like that for a while. Until you fell in love with Blaze. I noticed a change in you that I never thought I would see. This empathetic, caring, nurturing side... the Sonic who was madly in love. Love can change people more or so often for the better. I know from my experiences it feels like you're being drowned in your own emotions, but Sonic found a way through that. For love.

“Although, I don't know Blaze, I can start off by saying, ‘Thank you’. I've never met such a responsible and proper person like Blaze. I know for a fact she will make my thorn in my side happy.

“I know I'm not one to get all sappy and lovey-dovey but this couple right here have the love that will last forever. I mean it. I would be so lucky to have love like theirs. And even though Sonic is a thorn in my side, now he can be Blaze's. To love." Shadow held his glass up and looked directly at Amy. Her breath hitched and she forgot how to move. She didn't hold her cup in the air or clap. She was frozen from one stare.

Amy was next and she reluctantly stood up and onto the stage. She looked over at Sonic and Blaze. Blaze gave a reassuring nod and Sonic gave her a thumbs up. Helpful. Amy didn't look at Shadow in case she froze up again.

"Hi! I'm Amy for those who may not know me. Umm... Blaze and Sonic are my closest friends and I am so happy for them. This is a big step in life and if I'm honest I never thought the day would come. Marriage was never on the cards for Sonic. He told me as such but here he is. Married. Ring on his finger. In love—" Amy had to stop herself from choking up. 

"Blaze, you have never done anything wrong and I'm so happy you have found someone who can treat you right and has done as such. I mean, you're married! This day has been long awaited for you and I wish you all the best. I wish for you to live a happy life with loads of babies so I can come visit you and live the life I'll never live. Just remember... I offered to babysit for free first." Amy paused as she had gone off the script she had written a bit. Amy sniffled and her vision turned so blurry that she couldn't see her page anymore. She couldn't continue. She needed to end her speech there and then.

"I'm just so happy for you—" Amy broke down with heavy sobs but tried to play it off as happy tears. Amy held her cup up. "To the ha—ppy couple with a— beautiful life ahead of them." The room echoed her cheers with glasses in the air. Blaze had gotten out of her seat and hugged her. Sonic did the same before wrapping his hand around Blaze's waist. Amy retreated to her seat.

"Thank you for all of your kind words." Blaze spoke into the microphone. Sonic leaned in too.

"We really appreciate all of you being here."

🩷💌🩷

The dance crept up on them. Sonic and Blaze were obviously first. They were so graceful. It was a surprise to Amy. She had never seen Sonic as such. She was hoping that he'd be tripping over himself, but he wasn't... Now she's going to be the only laughing stock and she's going to take Shadow down with her. He said that he didn't care, but Amy didn't want to embarrass Shadow, even if he claimed he wouldn't.

Shadow reached for her hand. He gave her a concerned look and with his other hand, he wiped something off her cheeks... Oh. She was crying. Shadow opened his mouth to say something but decided against it. It was their cue to join in the dance as discussed, and so they did, but Amy was a mess. She was distracted and that made her dancing far worse. Of course he managed to make her look good but as soon as the dance was over, she was out of there.

Where was she to go? The bathroom. That way she could fix up her makeup and get some alone time. All of it was too overwhelming. 

She made herself at home at the mirror as she cried her eyes out. She looked up to see herself. She was a mess. It didn't matter anymore so she fell to the floor in a heap.

Moments passed and the door opened. It was Blaze. She walked over with a small bag.

"Amy... are you alright?" Amy shook her head. "What happened?" Blaze tried to bend down but her outfit was restricting her from bending down.

"It's all just so overwhelming." Amy played with the lavender butterflies sewn to her dress.

"Oh... I understand. You've crashed. Or it's the alcohol in your system." Blaze helped her off the floor. "I know it can all get a bit much sometimes but it will be your time soon. I promise. The man you have been waiting for is just around the corner."

"I'm never going to get there, Blaze. I've spent my whole life loving Sonic and now that I don't love him... I don't know whether anyone will love me."

"He will." Blaze wrapped her arms around her to comfort her as much as she could. After Amy's sniffling had stopped, Blaze went to help her with her makeup. "Plus... there is a certain eligible bachelor out there called Shadow. It's always better to have your best friend as your husband. Believe me. Sonic and I started off as friends, until he and I started to spend every day together. We'd go out for dinner and it felt different. Different... As if I could spend forever with him. If he was to kiss me... I wouldn't refuse." Blaze laughed at herself.

"What?"

"He and I used to stay over at each other's houses and by the Sol emeralds, we were NOT friends. Funny how it takes you a long time to catch on. You just have to ask yourself, if he was to kiss me... would I refuse? Friends don't think about kissing each other. Be true to yourself... Are you drawn to him more than anyone else?" Amy gasped.

She was thinking about it. What if Shadow was to kiss her? Would she refuse? If he was to sit her down in the garden and kiss her— She'd kiss back. She'd kiss back! Oh, she didn't even notice. The texts they'd send... How she'd wait all day to see his face. The way his paragraph long text messages made her feel like she was floating in the sky. The way he started to send hearts back when they'd say goodnight. The hand holding, the way she couldn't wait to see him. The whole reception she was searching for him... The dance lessons! He had feelings for her.

"Shadow... likes me? Me? The one who's been complaining ever since you and Sonic got engaged?"

"You should know, no matter how annoying someone is... if you love them, it doesn't matter. Even if they chew REALLY loud."

"Sonic used to chew with his mouth open." Blaze shivered.

"My point is... make it up to him. You owe him a dance. After all... he might get swept up by someone else..." The thought of him with someone else made Amy's brows furrow. How did she not notice before? All of the signs were there.

❤️💌❤️

(Shadow)

"I've been trying for months, and I swear to God, she's friend zoning me. She doesn't feel the same." Shadow fussed about with a bone on his plate. Sonic smiled.

"Shadow... She's dumb. It's simple... She's a giver, not a receiver. She doesn't understand when someone reciprocates... You... You can blame me for that. But trust me, ‘Plan: Best-man-and-Bridesmaid is going to work."

"It's not... I thought you were on to something but she's been thinking about herself the whole day. She's caught up in her own world. She's mad she's not married and it's really unattractive. It makes me want to scream, 'Hey, Amy! I'm blindly in love with you, if you hadn't noticed. If you want to get married so badly, I'll marry you!' How did you do it?" Sonic almost choked on his drink.

"Do what? Ask Amy out? Or..."

"I was thinking Blaze, but yeah, Amy might be more helpful."

"That... Won't help you. Amy and I... Not a story I want to be telling on my wedding day."

"'But I could talk for days about Blaze.'" 

"Shadow, you know your teasing is kinda pointless now." 

"True. I am curious... How did you do it?"

"You're lucky that I made the first move, otherwise I wouldn't be able to give you tips." Sonic started to spin the wedding ring on his finger. "Look, we… were just as bad as you two. I caught on before Blaze and so I worked up the courage and confidence to finally tell her how I feel. That's something you should do. Have another drink, that should help. Anyway, Blaze and I were sitting in the sun reading a book and I said to her exactly what I was thinking. 'I want to kiss you.' She was shocked at first but then she smiled. A smile can say it all, Shadow. But a first kiss gives you all the information you ever need."

"You make it sound so simple." 

"Because it is. You're just overthinking it. Amy is oblivious, you need to spell it out for her. But anyone can see, she feels the same. You wanted my advice... my simple line got me to this—" Sonic displayed his left hand. "—so, it worked for me." 

"I suppose it did."

"Amy's a sucker for romance. Take her somewhere away from everyone else. The gardens are perfect and tell her the first thing that comes to you."

"What if I say something stupid?"

"You're saying something stupid now.” Sonic looked around him. He frowned. “Where is my wife? Ew, that sounds weird. And possessive. Yuck! I'm gonna stick to Blaze. I want some of that cake." Sonic pointed off to the layered cake in front of them. Shadow wanted some too after hearing that. "One second." Sonic politely stood up and nodded to a couple of guests passing him. In a blink of an eye he was gone. In search of Blaze.

Shadow sat in his seat and looked around. He didn't have to sit on his own very long because Sonic returned with Blaze. Sonic winked at Shadow, knowingly. He knew something. Something... positive. Shadow’s attention was drawn to the woman in the lavender bridesmaid's dress. Amy! Blaze had brought her back to the party. He hadn't realised just how much he had missed her presence. She wouldn't look him in the eye. That was a problem.

Had he scared her off? He tried to act as nonchalant as he could, but maybe he hadn't. Maybe he tried too much. Why was it so hard? Sonic made it seem like it was a simple comment away, but to Shadow it was far more difficult.

The next second he looked for Amy, she was gone. Where? He had to find her. Make sure she was okay.

"Boy, do I have news for you…" Sonic had a cheeky smirk on his face while Blaze stood next to him with a less worrying smile. "You might have the best luck. I have confirmation that Amy Rose does in fact... drum roll..." Blaze whacked his arm.

"Sonic, don't be stupid. What he's trying to say is that Amy has feelings for you. She admitted it when I was with her. You said you needed proof. I got verbal confirmation. Are you happy now?" He was.

"She said that?"

"Was there any doubt?" Sonic shrugged. Not funny. Of course there was otherwise he would have already made his move.

"So?"

"So... Amy has gone to the garden for some fresh air." Blaze specified. "Take her a piece of cake and a drink. Then tell her how you feel." Sonic handed him the items. 

"Now?"

"It's now or never." Sonic patted his friend's shoulder. Shadow nodded. Sonic was right. If Shadow didn't do it now, he would never do it. He stood up and Blaze stopped him again.

"Be back in fifteen. I'll be throwing the bouquet then and Amy has to be there. Okay?"

"Got it." Shadow nodded and made his exit into the gardens.

❤️💌❤️

Sonic was right. Shadow always hated it when he was. The gardens were romantic and the sunset... timing. Amy believed in that. It was one thing he admired about her. Until she got impatient about marriage... but still she had good values even if she didn't stick to them sometimes.

Shadow didn't have to walk along the path long to find Amy. She was at the very edge of the gardens, where you could see the ocean. A smile found his face as soon as he saw her. The glow of the sunset made her appear otherworldly. What was he turning into? It was her. Something about her that made him so vulnerable. 

He had spent too long contemplating it. He needed to tell her. If he didn't... he'd regret and would have wasted Sonic and Blaze's wedding for no reason. 

"Pretty, right?" Amy turned to see him with a smile.

"It is..." They meant the sunset but how he wanted to tell her that the sunset was nothing compared to her. The last time he had said something like that, he'd been told he was too cheesy. That's why he kept his mouth shut.

"Oh! Is that for me?" Amy pointed to the cake he was holding.

"The cake and the drink."

"You're sweet." He should tell her now. There was a sparkle in her eye as she took the items from him.

"Amy..." She looked up from her cake with the most innocent stare he had ever seen. He backed down again and made an excuse. "You look stunning." She grinned. He loved the way her cheeks puffed out when she did.

"Thank you... For staying with me, even if I was a brat the whole event."

"I understand that you're—"

"Don't make excuses. I was out of line. But you were patient with me and I really don't know how to thank you." Amy took a sip of her drink and placed the dishes on a nearby bench.

"I don't need to be thanked. You do so much it was time you received something in return. I've never met anyone as selfless as you." Shadow took a step forward with a newfound confidence. There was a silence that neither of them were going to break. They simply held eye contact. Amy took a step closer. Their chests were touching and Amy still held eye contact as she looked up at him. Her stare spoke more than words. She wanted the kiss. He wanted to kiss her. 

She reached for his hand and guided it to her cheek. The next move was made by him. He placed his other hand on her lower back. Amy smiled back at him. Their next move was synchronised. She gripped his shirt to pull her to him just as he was lunging in for the kiss.

It was the moment their lips melded, that all barriers were knocked down. It was just them. All of his efforts were leading up to this. It was all worth it. His hand slipped to her hip as she bobbed her head forward. It was clear now. She had wanted it as much as him. They had spent so long beating around the bush but just like the sunset... it was all about the right timing. He was grateful for it all.

Good things come to those who wait.

💜💌💜

(Blaze)

It was about time they came back. Maybe it was all a mistake. Blaze shouldn't have wasted her special day on them. It was her wedding, a once in a lifetime event and Shadow hadn't come back with Amy. Amy needed to be there when she threw the bouquet. Sonic tried to reassure her.

"For all we know, it could have worked and they're out there now losing track of time. It happens! Like that one time we arrived late to Knuckles and Rouge's anniversary party."

"Don't remind me. That was so embarrassing."

"Eh, it was worth it. I would have rather spent the night just the two of us." Blaze went to smack his arm again but he grabbed her hand before she could. He was about to go in for the kiss when something caught her eye. Shadow and Amy were back, joined by the hip. It had worked! Blaze immediately threw her hand over Sonic's lips and gave him an excited look. He did not share that. After all, she had just denied him a kiss out of the blue.

"Sonic! It worked. Look." Blaze flicked her head to the two who were now headed her way. Sonic, still a bit disgruntled, shrugged.

"Great..."

"Don't be such a sourpuss."

"Well, I knew it would work, so—" Blaze didn't really care what he had to say and cut him off.

"Can I have all the women gather around in front of me? I'm going to throw the bouquet!" He gave an amused smile, kissed her on the cheek and walked off to find somewhere safe from what might turn out messy real quick. Fair enough. Amy squealed and ran to the head of the group... little did she know, she didn't need to. "Everyone ready?"

"Wait! What if I catch it?" Rouge asked. As if Blaze knew.

"Technically you're not eligible," Tails answered for Blaze. "You're already married. Out."

"Oh... Boring!" Rouge waddled off to where Knuckles was standing with their kids.

"Okay... ready?" The group nodded and got ready. Blaze smiled and turned her back to them. "Three, two, one." Blaze held it over her head, turned around and handed it directly to Amy. Amy stood with her mouth wide open. It was worth it. No doubt she was next anyway. She deserved it.

"Blaze..." Amy lunged in for a hug and started to sob. It was about time things started going well for Amy. Blaze looked over to her husband who pulled in a traumatised Shadow for a hug of their own. Blaze giggled at his reaction. He should prepare himself.

He chose Amy Rose... and they couldn't be more perfect for each other.

[hyperfixated-fan]

Here is some of those wonderfully nostalgic girly-girl shows in vague order in which I watched/discovered them that no one asked for but I’m giving to you anyways.

1. First up, we’ve got the Horseland

Back in the day, I was a major horse girl (a part of me still is), but this show was so awesome and adorable. It’s just a bunch of gals riding their horses and hanging out at the barn. And their horses and other animals talk amongst themselves. It is all an animal lover like me could want. It’s just so cute and gives sweet life lessons. And occasionally, I found it interesting that they do touch upon some serious topics such as eating disorders and loss. The episode “Mosey” always makes me cry. All the episodes are on YouTube.

Overall, I have to say my favorite character is Alma Rodriguez.

2. LEGO Friends

The first generation of LEGO Friends is nostalgic, but I also seriously love the LEGO Friends: Girls on a Mission. It’s just a bunch of teenage girls getting up to shenanigans and being besties (Oddly, though they are high school age, we barely see them in school XD). I particularly enjoy Girls on a Mission (the episodes are on YouTube) because the episodes were so well put together and it fleshes out each girl a bit more uniquely. It’s a genuinely fun show though I generally am partial to LEGO shows. I am personally not a fan of latest generation of LEGO Friends. I’ve watched a few episodes and it’s just blegh. It might be the nostalgia talking but I just can’t get into it.

My fave character has always been Emma (she’s so adorable) and my fave ship is Emma x Ethan in the Girls on a Mission iteration.

3. Barbie Movies

Not sure if all the movies are pictured above, but there’s a good portion of them. I admit, I haven’t seen all of the Barbie movies (especially the good old classics mainly due to animation that did not age well so sorry) and did not really become a fan until later than most little girls. However, I still find the movies to be very enjoyable and cute. I think a lot of my affinity comes from many familiar Canadian voice actors being in most of the movies and I find it fun trying to pick out familiar voices.

A few of my personal favorite movies are “Princess Charm School” (it’s the first Barbie movie I ever watched with one of my best friends), “The Twelve Dancing Princesses” (so many voices and characters to listen to and try and remember), and “Mariposa” (I am rather partial to the voice of Chiara Zanni and loved her playing Barbie).

4. Ever After High

It is so sad that Ever After High ended after Epic Winter. I really wish we got to see more. I loved the imaginative twist on fairytale characters and the whole “facing your destiny” storyline. The princesses, knights, dragons, and wonderland were all great components as a lover of fantasy. Disney Descendants ain’t got nothing on Ever After. It was a very creative show and it was interesting to see all the characters that would pop up.

A few of my favorite characters are Rosabella Beauty, Ginger Breadhouse, and Lizzie Hearts. Call me basic but I really do like the ship Darabella (obviously the execution of it could’ve been better but I still like it.)

5. Miraculous Ladybug

Simply put, this show is a mess. Miraculous Ladybug barely made the list only because I have fond memories of it. I’m not caught up on any recent events and admittedly quit watching it after season 3 or 4 (I don’t exactly remember). The show had potential and many amazing fanworks, but after a while, the episodes just get repetitive. I still like the earlier seasons before things got too messy. As a lover of side characters, I also wish they fleshed out the side characters a bit more instead of keeping on creating more and more side characters. I still occasionally pop in to see what is going on and apparently Nathalie is dead?! Idk what’s going on and I love looking at spoilers with no context because it makes the show all the more funny.

My fave character list includes Alya Césaire, Nathalie Sancoeur, and Juleka Couffaine and I’m partial to the ship DJWifi.

6. Monster High

Since I was a fan of Ever After High, it was only inevitable that I would eventually become a fan of Monster High. It took a while but I eventually did fall in love with the show. And I fell hard. All the characters are so unique and while I absolutely love all the generation 1 content, I do not completely hate the g3 series. I loved the message of standing out yet belonging at Monster High, freaky flaws and all. The animation is very dated yet endearingly nostalgic at the same time. I love all the different twists on various monster creatures.

My favorite characters list gets pretty extensive, as I love g1 and g3 Abbey Bominable (I always love an ice queen), along with g1/g3 Cleo De Nile (bc she’s your typical mean girl/diva but truly cares for her friends), Robecca Steam (her steampunk aesthetic and little accent are adorable), Deuce Gorgon (a kind yet popular jockish character is rare), Jinafire Long (Chinese dragon is always a win), and Rochelle Goyle (she’s just neat).

Fave ships = Cleuce (CleoxDeuce) and AbbeyxHeath. I just love them okay!

7. Lolirock

I believe I discovered this show coming off of Storm Hawks and Steven Universe so the crystal motif and everything was already an intriguing concept for me (plus familiar Canadian voice actors drew me in). I just love the trio of girls trying to “secretly” protect earth with sparkles and spells while putting up the front of being a girl band (the songs are very catchy by the way if you can get past an ungodly amount of auto tune). The episodes gave me vibes similar to Miraculous Ladybug but somewhat better with less convoluted characters. Overall, it’s a very bright energetic show and I wish they would’ve delved into the backstories of the other princesses a bit more instead of focusing on Iris all the time. Here’s to hoping they eventually do come out with season 3. All the current episodes are on YouTube.

My favorite characters are the sisters Izira and Talia. They have so much power and the show needs to actually do them justice.

8. Mysticons

This one is definitely lesser known than most on this list. I found it shortly after LoliRock since it has similar features and characters. It’s a very simple show with simple characters but I am fond of it still (and I’m pretty sure it made me cry at one point. I don’t remember when but I remember something about it made me emotional). The fantasy magic of the world was definitely a big win for me. I think the creators did a decent job at world building. It’s your typical prophesied heroes must save the world from certain destruction but I found the show overall enjoyable and cute with a nice dose of found family thrown in.

My top favorite characters are Zarya Moonwolf and Emerald Goldenbraid.

9. DC Super Hero Girls

I started out as a G1 fan when it was still coming out and became a fan of the reboot as well. It was interesting to all these wonderful kickbutt superheroes placed in a high school -esque setting. The original series was very average with their shorts but it was such fun to see what characters would pop up to help (I even will tolerate and enjoy the LEGO specials). The reboot had better design and animation. I am sad it didn’t get a chance to run longer. My only qualm was that some characters had such a drastic change from their backstory and original character development that it moved from being whimsical and imaginative to simply keeping the name and having an entirely different character. *cough* Jessica *cough* They don’t get that she was such a powerful Green Lantern because she was bold but because most of the time she was scared out of mind due to her past trauma but still acted and pushed through the fear to save people.

Rant aside, my fave character is Jessica Cruz despite the reboot overhauling her character and erasing her backstory.

10. She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

Not necessarily my favorite glittery girly series I’ve watched but definitely an enjoyable series. True to my usual form, I unfortunately did not end up caring for most of the main plot and characters. However, the idea of this show was fun nonetheless and it had its nice moments, so I’m glad it got a decent number of seasons. The magic, weaponry, and elemental powers drew me to this show. I wish they delved a bit deeper into the true effects and trauma that fighting a war would have on all of the characters as they are leaders of their respective kingdoms.

My favorite characters include Entrapta (little nerdy characters are almost always a win for me), Mermista (Vella Lovell was perfect for voicing her and her character design is nice), Netossa (another awesome blue character; if anyone’s seen Six: The Musical, does she vaguely remind you of Catherine Parr?)

Bonus: Rainbow High

An interesting premise though it ultimately falls flat for me because I am not a fashion-oriented person in the slightest. However, I still like the show and all the drama that comes with it. I just overall find it hilarious to watch the squabbles that happen because everyone is just so high strung. (Why do all the guy characters literally look the exact same with that same stupid little hairstyle?) XD

Fave characters are Ainsley Slater and Jade Hunter.

Bonus: God’s School

Greek mythology! Need I say more? This is such an imaginative show. It is even more amazing considering one guy does all the animation. The webisodes that are out are great and I definitely recommend watching them on YouTube. Zeus looks like Disney Hercules and I find that hilarious. All the character designs for the gods are so awesome and I love the details that help indicate who they are. Ignore the fact that over half of them are related in some form or another and everything is fine.

Fave definitely has to be Athena! (…bad*** in the arena. Unmatched witty and queen of the best strategies we’ve seen.)

Bonus: Tinkerbell

These are just cute adventures. I wish the series could’ve continued so we could’ve gotten movies highlighting each of the fairies.

My fave is Silvermist.

Bonus: Steven Universe

I personally enjoyed this show and know it had a large fan base so I don’t get why so many people are going back and hating on it so fervently. It’s a flawed show like any but it still has it fine points and I have a soft spot for it. I heavily debated on whether this qualified for a magical girl show but I think it does. It’s nice seeing Steven grow alongside the gems and it’s a good show to put on in the background.

My favorites have to be Garnet and Sapphire.

Honorable mentions that I never fully watched but seem nice:

My Little Pony - I’m disappointed in myself for never getting into this show because it has all the right points for me to like it, including great Canadian voice actors and magic and ponies. I have watched some episodes and enjoyed them but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to sit through and binge the entire show.

LEGO Elves - watched some but I never got truly immersed.

Totally Spies! - never really gave it a go but it seems okay.

Winx Club - I tried to like it but the characters just didn’t hit for me.

W.I.T.C.H. - watched the first few episodes but nothing made me want to continue.

[critter-rarepair-reccs]

Hello all! Hope your Wednesday has been well so far. This week we have fourteen fics featuring various different polyamorous ships! As always, you can find them below the cut and if you check any of them out, I encourage you to leave kudoes and comments to spread the rarepair love 💕

gilded mischief by annie_blackbird (20,437 words, Explicit) Pairing: Yussa Errenis/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast (Shadowidoyussa) Warnings: Consensual Somnophilia, Safeword Use, Mentions of Slavery

Caleb and Essek spend a night with Yussa, with Caleb under the effect of a sleeping potion. After some discussion, the night progresses with Essek as Yussa's very good boy.

Reccer Says: *grabs you by the shoulder* you need to read this fic. Even if you're not already aboard the Shadowidoyussa ship. It will convert you. It is so soft. It is so hot. Like, the perfect balance of tooth-rotting fluff and scorchingly hot smut. Yussa is Exandria's softest dom and I adore him. Essek is a sweetheart doing his very best and I'm holding him in my hands. Caleb is asleep but the ways he's still a present influence on the story through Essek's POV is absolutely wonderful. Please read it, you will not regret it.

can't you see yourself by my side? by ryseling (7,519 words, Explicit) Pairing: Fjord/Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast (Widofjorester) Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Under-negotiated Relationship

Fjord and Jester are together, and Caleb - hopelessly in love with them as he is - agrees to a threesome. Porn with feelings, Caleb POV.

Reccer Says: Very well written in terms of style. Everyone also feels very in character.

Hearts Full of Light by kaeda (5,032 words, Mature) Pairing: Astrid Beck/Fjord/Eadwulf Grieve/Jester Lavorre Warnings: None

The nein & friends are restoring the blooming grove after Trent's attack in 141. Mostly lighthearted as Jester meddles & matchmakes. POV alternating between Fjord and Jester.

Reccer Says: Jester/Astrid/Fjord/Eadwulf is such an underrated rarepair.

all glittering things by quinn_of_aebradore (32,418 words, Teen) Pairing: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast (Shadowidomauk) Warnings: Minor Canon Character Death

"Essek Thelyss, prodigious dunamancer and crown Prince of Rosohna. Caleb Widogast, illustrious court mage for the Lord Eadwulf Grieve of Blumenthal. Mollymauk Tealeaf, Opal of Nicodranas, fourth child of the Tealeaf Estate. What happens when affection escapes the bounds of propriety and courting? What comes once a kiss has been bestowed? A romance draped with light and honey, of course."

Reccer Says: I just love this entire AU so much so I'm cheating and reccing the whole thing lol... it's so well done and thoughtfully constructed, and they're sooo lovey dovey and pining and flirty ugghggh - bonus: the lucien vs essek part makes me especially feral 🤣💜

Kisses by the Road by Clare_Hope (6,351 words, Teen) Pairing: Dorian Storm/Fearne Calloway/Dariax Zaveon/Opal Warnings: Alcohol

Fearne wins the drinking contest in Byroden and requests kisses as her prize. Polyamory and shenanigans ensue.

Reccer Says: I enjoyed it!

I dream of you amid the flowers by glittergarbage (66,967 words, Explicit) Pairing: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast (Shadowidomauk) Warnings: Dirty Talk, Smut, AFAB NB Molly, Threesome

"In which Mollymauk comes back to his body, minus a few memories, at the Blooming Grove. Essek is intrigued. Caleb is glad."

Reccer Says: I LOVE THIS FIC SM.... it's such a perfect post-canon depiction of the slow, realistic, exciting, curious unfolding of their relationship, and I love their characterizations and dynamics 🥰🥰🥰 it's a SWM classic to me

First Light by the_deep_magic (5,673 words, Explicit) Pairing: Ashton Greymoore/Orym/Dorian Storm (Dashrym) Warnings: None

Ashton wakes up while Orym is doing his morning exercises, which they find Very Sexy. Dorian, already awake, agrees and the two of them pretend to be asleep until Orym is done and they can have sex about it.

Reccer Says: Domestic Dashrym, hot smut, and a very well-written Ashton POV 💕

locked in here with us by wanderingbasilisk (3,002 words, General) Pairing: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast (Shadowidomauk) Warnings: None

"a dragon, a damsel in a tower, a knight in shining armor you can guess how this goes ;)"

Reccer Says: Love a fairytale AU! It's just so sweet and fun and adorable and there's a little sprinkle of angst in there which is sooo good 💜🧡💜 delightful and heartwarming

in the light of long-dead things by Anonymous (3,426 words, Teen) Pairing: Astrid Beck/Eadwulf Grieve/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast (Blumenshadow) Warnings: PTSD, Panic Attacks

While spending the night in Caleb’s tower, Astrid gets thrown into the past.

Reccer Says: God, the way this one has Stuck with me since I first read it. The visual of Astrid squeezing herself under the nook by the stairs is burned into my brain. Her panic, Wulf coaxing her back to herself and the present, her reactions to Caleb and Essek, it’s all so heartaching and wonderful, I love it so much.

to be in someone else's coat by jaskofalltrades (1,369 words, General) Pairing: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast (Shadowidomauk) Warnings: None

Widomauk/Pre-Shadowidomauk where Molly and Caleb were the ones to walk Essek home from dinner at the Xhorhaus

Reccer Says: Listen SWM canon molly lives AU is a wonderful and rare creature and this is one such example that gave me the warm cozies... also I LOVE WHEN THEY FLIRT AAAA 💜💕

Where I am going you can't save me by thesweetpianowritingdownmylife (20,461 words, Teen) Pairing: Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett/Yasha Nydoorin (Beauyashter) Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Vomiting, Blood

Yasha starts coughing up petals, white and blue. There is no doubt to whom they belong. Aka Beaujasha Hanahaki AU. Set after episode 89.

Reccer Says: I enjoyed it!

keep following the heartlines on your hands by floralprintshark (8,014 words, Teen) Pairing: Fjord/Mollymauk Tealeaf/Caleb Widogast (Widofjolly) Warnings: None

Five times Molly tries to set up Fjord and Caleb with each other and one time Molly gets set up with them.

Reccer Says: I enjoyed it!

We also have two reccs for: the stranger who was your self by Demenior (60,045 words, Mature) Pairing: Fjord/Eadwulf Grieve/Jester Lavorre Warnings: Power Dynamics

Eadwulf joins Fjord & Jester's crew as they sail the Lucidian. POV alternating between the three leads. Fjord and Jester are about to embark on a high-seas adventure...and Eadwulf shows up and insists on joining their crew. They don't know what he's plotting (or what he's running away from,) but that won't stop them from flirting with him until they find out.

Reccer 1 Says: I enjoyed it! Reccer 2 Says: Adorable Fjorester flirting. All the sexual tension of that one sword fight between Fjord and Eadwulf. Unstoppable force (Jester Lavorre) meets immovable object (the world's most miserable, wretched wet dog of a scourger.)

And we have three reccs for: amongst the things left unforgiven by nonwal (63,958 words, Mature) Pairings: Astrid Beck/Eadwulf Grieve/Essek Thelyss, Astrid Beck/Eadwulf Grieve/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast (Blumenshadow) Warnings: Panic Attacks, Discussions of Suicidality/Euthenasia, Temporary Character Death, Suicidal Ideation

Astrid and Eodwulf start visiting Essek in Rosonah to keep an eye on him, then Essek starts visiting them at Caleb's tower in Rexxentrum to keep an eye on them. They dance around eachother in conversation out of mutual distrust (and flirting) long enough to save Essek from himself and fall in love about it. Astrid and Eadwulf take it upon themselves to save Essek from himself. Two scourgers show up at Essek's home to interrogate him about the Mighty Nein. Then he discovers that both of them are also uselessly pining over Caleb. Then, he gets closer than advisable.

Reccer 1 Says: the character dynamics and banter are absolutely top notch. the author really nails the character voices. Reccer 2 Says: I enjoyed it! Reccer 3 Says: An alternate ending to C2 with a great balance of intrigue, angst, slow-burn romance, and fluff (if you can count three wizards lying to each other for fun as fluff.)

Thank you for joining us this week’s recc list! All the love to everyone who submitted a fic 💕 All enclosed recommendations were submitted by the community via our submissions form, which you can find here. All fic information is as it was provided by the reccer, so it may not be accurate to the author’s intent or the precise contents of the fic itself. Please assume good intent from all parties 💕

Submissions for next week’s list are already open! We’ll be featuring Enemies to Lovers. If you have any you’d like to highlight, you can send them in here. The week after that, the theme is Miscommunication and the weeks after that we’re taking recommendations for Works in Progress and Angst! Submissions for all of these themes are currently open.

If you want more rarepair fic, check out @cr-summer-wildflowers and their event collections on ao3! If you want some friendship after all this romance, take a look at @critter-genfic-events and their recc lists! And if you’re interested in everyone’s favorite wizards, you can’t go wrong with the lists at @aeor-is-for-reccing !

Thanks all and have a lovely day/night/timezone! 💕

[youjustfeelthemforever]

ALRight bestie, can i get uhhh context??? i only know like 2 guys from the incorrect quotes yall are messing around with, who are these guys???? <- wants to know how to picture em lol

also been so fun readiing the shenanigans hahaha

OKAY SO

Uhhh Chrumblr server RP got kinda out of hand haha and now we've got this whole plot and an ever-growing cast of characters that currently consists of

Nia Rosewood - Chaos's oc, everyone's little sister (one is younger than her and that's irrelevant haha)

Venatrix - Vixen and Chaos's shared oc, angry murder girl.

Nightwing, aka Dick Grayson - The big brother, nobody knows his true identity but they get why he's hiding it.

Grillface and Sploto - Kirbe's ocs. Creachers. Sploto is a very cat-like in manner kirbe and Grillface is a thief of a waddle dee.

Arrio McKay, aka Spellblazer - You know the Best Boy (>:D). Did his best to avoid letting people know he was a superhero but ultimately failed when he set his hands ablaze and threatened to light Peter on fire (they don't get along).

Peter Parker, aka Spiderman - Classic Gen-Z, opposes murder (as do a few others), a certified little shit. Doing his best to hide his superhero identity. Hates Arrio as much as Arrio hates him (LET THE RECORD SHOW THAT PETER CAUSED THE INCITING INCIDENTS OF THEIR INITIAL CONFRONTATION).

Matt Murdock, aka Daredevil - Might as well be Peter's dad. Blind but has heightened senses. Helping Peter keep their cover as heroes.

Lieutenant Strike - Moob's Star Wars oc. No-nonsense clone, extremely confused with all these Earthlings. (Why don't they know what a holo-map is??? Are they stupid???) Perhaps not as perpetually angry as she seems to be.

Raoul de Chagny - Terrified sobbing French man who loves his wife.

Christine Daaé - Terrified-but-better-at-hiding-it French (actually Swedish tho) woman who loves her husband. Often tries to stop fights between Peter and Arrio, usually fails (by no fault of her own - those two are wild).

(Note from blog author: Raoul and Christine are under the protection of the entire group. Hurt them and suffer the consequences.)

Maddox Darling - Christi's Star Wars oc. Due to time shenanigans I don't understand (lmao), is friends with Strike in the future. Strike is extremely confused.

Basically the plot is these characters all showed up in a small town in the middle of nowhere with no memory of how they got there, and now they're trying to figure out where they are and how to get back to their respective universes without killing each other (looking at Peter and Arrio). Also some of them are starting to realizing that they may or may not be fictional, but those who were elsewhere at the time of the discovery still have no idea.

So uh that's basically it I think? It's kind of a lot but we're having a blast lmao. People keep joining and adding characters and it's really chaotic and fun haha.

Also, completely unrelated but WE GOT ANOTHER ONE BOYS (you know what I'm talking about heheh)

[grigori77]

Critical Role, Campaign 3 Episode 110

Oh no. Sam's in the mask again. He's a cat ... gods help us ... fuck ... the cat's in HEAT?!!! Suddenly Robbie is VERY AFRAID ... O.O ... a litter? It's getting worse ... who else is this? they're trouble, clearly ... Ashley: "Why are you doing this?" Sam Cat: "I think you know the answer. I'm a cat." Oh boy ...

Ah! Blood vomit! Always a nice place to start ...

Dad jokes ... great ... don't encourage him ...

Oh yeah ... Laudna's just letting it AAAAAAAALLLL hang out ... XD ... not that Imogen minds, I'm sure ...

Ahhhh ... the "Suck List" ... yeah ...

Yeah, it's so good to hear that Laudna truly is now entirely FREE of the curse that was that heinous bitch.

Ashton: "How WAS the Gwar concert?" Laudna: "Front row seats!"

Skyships! Ooooooooh ... what memories this brings back ... it's a little maudlin in a nostaglic way, if I'm honest.

Random D20 roll? "For the hell of it"? WHY, Matthew? Don't toy with our nerves this way ... 13? Hmmmm ... I hope that's good ...

A Message to Keyleth ... Allura's at the Platinum Sactuary? Okay, then ...

Awwww, Imogen ... SHENANIGANS!!! LOL

What ... try Speak With the Dead on the Titan? O.O ... not sure THAT would be the smartest idea ...

The Communal Death God Mask ... hmmmm ...

Imogen sends a Message to Liliana? Interesting ... I wonder how THIS is gonna go ... "I love you ... and I trust you ..." Okay ... A RESPONSE!!! Phew ... sounds like she's in a very fraught place ... trying her best but VERy alone in her resistance right now ...

To the Platinum Sactuary, then ... and EVERYBODY is tense ... the mood is ... fractious ... preparations for the coming battles ...busy busy busy ...

Oh, who's this? HOLY SHIT!!! Captain Xandis! Oh my god you sweet tiefling! Yay! I'm sorry ... Keybane? He has A TITLE now? Oh, that's cool ... Oh my, it sounds like he had quite the adventure ... but he lucked out, clearly ... a new ship? The Key Breaker! Cool ...

Yes, they have indeed been to the Moon!

Oh yeah, Xandis is definitely still VERY DUTCH. XD ... I love it.

Naming the Titan's butthole ... yeah ... LOL

Ah ... yeah ... FCG ... that's right, he doesn't know ... kind words, though. That's sweet.

"Smiley day" indeed ... :3

A temple of Asmodeus? Oh no, I really don't think there would be, no ... but yes, Fearne's got a point, might be a good idea to get the opinion of at least ONE Betrayer god ...

The thread! That's right, Dorian touched a thread! That's gotta have some bearing right there, that ...

Oh ... yeah ... Opal ...

Goodbyes? Yeah ... I mean, of course ... Orym has a point ... wht they're going into, there's no guaranteeing everybody's gonna make it through this ...

Preemptive eulogies? Intriguing idea ...

More jokes about the Titan's browneye ...

Allura! Hi!

Summoning Coriolis ... yeah ...

Wait ... CAN Braius speak to horses? Oh, so ... Speak With Animals? Hmmmm ... WHY does Matt make this fancy sky horse seem SO unsettlingly creepy like the more ODD horses do? And yeah ... OF COURSE that didn't work, Braius you DUMBASS ... LOL

So yeah ... WITH LUCK the Unseelie won't be an issue ...

I love how even now, after all these years, Allura's STILL the mom friend. XD ... it's so very reliable of her ... and she's so NOSTANGLIC too ... but then she has been the common thread throughout ALL THREE campaigns now ...

The state of play ... yeah ... O.O

So we all need to move SOON, then ... so not much time left for shenanigans ... hmmmmmm ...

THE MIGHTY NEIN?!!! Oh boy ... O.O

Making solid plans, then ... okay ...

Ah yeah, the classic Bag of Holding ... oooooooh! Goodies! Potions, lovely ... yeah, always good to have some Healing Potions to hand ...

Is Chetney really trying to EXTORT ALLURA FUCKING VYSORAN for cash? Yeah, no GEMS is what you need, dumbass! Diamonds and such! Stones! Maybe even one or two that COULD come in useful for Resurrections ...

Flamespeaker Cerkonus? Hmmmm ...

Oh gods ... slipping into New York New York ... did Matt do that on purpose just to trap them?

Yes. Go shopping for BIG diamonds ... that's exactly what the doctor ordered, folks. Get on that shit ...

Team Purchase and Team Titan? Cute ...

Where's Rome? I wasn't aware of any Exandrian city of THAT name, Chetney ...

So CHETNEY'S the big miser of this party, then ... I shoulc have known ...

Dorian casts Charm Peron on Chetney? Oh boy ... THIS is gonna be fun ... NICE. XD ... oh yeah, this is already adorable ... Dorian, you're a genius ... and now Chetney's being unusually GENEROUS ...

Team Shopping, then ... a Perception check? Why, Matthew? O.O ... oh gods ... that's not good ... are they already cleaned out? That's problematic ...

Cidrick's Shines & Keepsakes? Interesting ... why does Cidrick remind me of "Beardo" the tailor in Deapool & Wolverine? He's out? Hmmm ... oh, Braius is onto him ... YEAH, I figured as much ... his "bling"? Hmmmmm ...

PERFECT assist there, Chetney ... XD

"Weird forgery machinery"? Oh boy ...

Brewing supplies ... oh, does he make potions too? Yeah, definitely sounds like it ... anything else they can find that might be useful here?

More Whispers? Hmmmmmmm ...

SPICE?!!! Seriously? Come on, guys ...

Wow ... 200 gold for the half batch, then ... CHETNEY BUYS DRUGS ... great rolemodelling there, Travis! XD

Yeah, definitely sounds like Cidrick's dead and that guy was TOTALLY selling all his stuff ... O.O

Dorian's off on his own, just drinking it all in ... By Popular Demand? Hmmmmm ... oh, so he's doing the wandering minstrel thing ... awwww ... :3

Oh my gods DORIAN IS SINGING THE BALLADS OF BELLS HELLS!!! That's so sweet ... :3

Wow ... this particular piece of background music is SO FUCKING UNBELIEVABLY WELL TIMED!!! O.O

You'e a hell of a bard, Dorian ...

Here we are, then ... the Titan ...

Honestly, it sounds like quite a homely place actually, up close ... I could get used to a place like this ... and THIS is where we take a break? Okay, then ...

So ... a strange kinship for Ashton ... sounds about right ...

Laudna ... you KNOW you don't have a way with kids ...

The Shanks Cantina? Is THAT what the arse tavern's called? Oh, MORE Whispers ... hmmm ...

A toll? Oh they have NO IDEA who they're messing with ... oh here we go ... Laudna pulls a Beetlejuice on them ... XD ... yeah, I saw that coming ...

Oh my fucking gods, this is gonna be a LONG CLIMB, you sure you guys are up to it?

Yeah ... okay, this place is starting to seem a bit more ... ramshackle, maybe, now we're seeing it up close ... hmmm ... yeah, as I thought, it's definitely a rougher neighbourhood here ... but then I guess these are definitely more OUR people, so ...

Somethings inherently FAMILIAR here then, Ashton? Interesting ...

Oh, wow .. little pockets of genuine natural BEAUTY scattered throughout ... that's quite poetic ...

Abjuration wards ... oh, so they're about KEEPING this big buggar nice and fully DEAD ... yeah ...

Big open space? Oh, here we go ...

Laudna full-on Spiderclimbs onto the ceiling looking for a geode or too ... ooh, that's some pretty rubbish treasure-hunting there, Dead Girl.

So here, in the Heart, is better for what they want? Okay then ... settling in for a bit, with a fire ...

Ashton tries "feeling his way" into the ground without thinking about it too much ... and his hand is SINKING IN now ... okay ... oh, now his WHOLE ARM'S in this thing ... this is getting a bit trippy ...

Oh, full titan form? All right then ... in he goes, then ...

Interesting ... so he's NOT ACTUALLY DOING THIS, it just FEELS LIKE he is ... that's kind of FASCINATING ... boy's on like some weird elemental vision quest ...

Whoa ... so the Titan IS still kind of in there with him? O.O

And now he's talking with it ... okay ... so it's not just ONE entity, then ... more like some weird elemental hivemind ... hmmmm ...

"Lost"? Oh man ... this doesn't sound too promising ...

He's being crushed by a humongous fist ... great ... oh ... okay, this is has some potential ... "We are lost ... you are NOT ..." Interesting ...

Memories? Oh ... that's good, right?

Ashton: "Not broken, just ... in motion." Hmmmm ...

The Titan: "Remake yourself. Never ... stop ... changing ..."

And now he's awake again ... okay ...

"A talk with Exandria"? Trippy shit ... Laudna: "Exandria's a SHE?!!! I knew it!"

Trust Ashley to make it sound vaguely sexual ... XD

Go to Shank's? Okay, then ... a drink would be good ...

Shank's is a tiny dive bar ... OF COURSE it is ... this asshole is very tight, clearly ... XD

Laudna gets an impatient head-call from Imogen ... oh, that's embarrassing ... but also kind of adorable ...

Oh my gods the booze sounds AWFUL ... holy shit, that's gotta be the worst moonshine I've ever heard of ... 2 bottles? 2 and a half gold? Hmmmmm ...

Okay, Fearne's trying to negotiate ... if anybody could it's her ... maybe you should flirt with him, Calloway ...

5 silver and he has them all sign the wall? Weird ...

Matthew Mercer you have a filthy mind ...

Meeting up at the Silver Talon's Reach, then ... so a Short Rest and some fine crafting from Chetney and Braius while they wait ...

Braius: "Did you just have sex with somebody?" Dorian: "I had MUSICAL sex!"

Prime crystal magic materials, then ... nice ...

Kryn Dynasty soldiers? Interesting ... what's this about, then? Oh ... a female golblin? Hmmmmm ... she sounds very fancy and venerable ... must be a big deal, whoever she is ... oh yeah, this is definitely for us, then ...

A gift from the Dynasty? Okay then ... oh, so Chetney's the LEADER now, is he? Imogen audibly scoffs, as she should ...

Crystal vials? Hmmmm ... and an orb ... okay ...

Identify, then ... go for it, Fearne ...

2 Potions of Possibility and ... ooooooh, a card! So the sphere is something FANCY ... Sphere of Dunamantic Restoration? Cool ... so it's like a dunamis grenade, then ...

Allura again ... sweet ... oh ... potential goodbyes, then? Oof ... give the old girl a hug, guys! :3

Leeta? Cool! And Maeve! Also cool. Yes, nice, reunions then. And Orym catches up with home ...

Oh! Going through a tree, then? Yeah, smart ... oh yeah, Fearne's gonna have to learn THAT trick sometime ...

Dense forest, a bit warmer ... yup ... back at the lake, then ...

So, preparations have been made, meanwhile the others are on the way ... okay ... time to wait, then ...

Laudna hunts for Ropey ... :3

The boat! And the rope! Yay!

Orym's family really are the best, at least HE got to have the right homelife growing up. He deserves ALL THE HUGS ...

Now he gets Imogen to send him mum a Message ... awwww ... and she sends one right back. Yay! Pie heals all wounds, I swear ... :3

Orym: "Imogen Temult, I appreciate you." Imogen: "I appreciate you too, Orym."

And finally Imogen sends one to her father ... oh man ...

Yay! Butthole booze!

Braius pulls Dorian away for a private talk ... ah, advice, yes ... set this idiot straight, Dorian. PLEASE ... and WOW ... what advice it is ... O.O ... yeah ... IS Braius being honest right now or is he just twisting Dorian right round his little finger? He's too good a liar, we just can't tell ...

Yes, that's the trick. Dorian's got it ... Braius needs to learn it's "US", not him and "them" ...

Oh yeah ... yeah, it'll use up another spell slot, but Imogen and Laudna SHOULD say goodbye to Zhudanna ... which will PROBABLY give the old girl a heart attack ... oh boy ... yeah, maybe not, then ... O.O

Ashton makes up with Dorian ... which he maybe doesn't really NEED to do ... hmmmm ... I mean Blue Boy's pretty chill, after all ... and now they're discussing Opal ... oh boy ... just rip my guts out, why don't you ...

Oh! New arrivals? Hmmmm ... is this good or bad?

There's SEVEN of them ... okay ... cue chaos as they try to work out how they're going to greet them ... wow ... they're really not very good at this ... you're all such dorks, I love it ... XD

Oh wow ... so Matt's having THEM tell what the Nein see? Cool ... and we hear them all doing the original voices ... NICE ... oh wow! Nott's back! Sweet!

Fuck, I am in HEAVEN right now ... :3

Holy shit ... Fearne meeting Jester is THE BEST THING to have happened so far this campaign, I swear ... LOL

Matt's busy geeking out when he calls it a night and I can't balem him ... the next episode's going to be a FUCKING TRIP, I swear ...

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here my friend and I suppose every season we need an episode to remind us why we have the mantra, and this was that episode. Its not going down as the worst disappointment we've had on this show, just really, really meh. To be fair, we got exactly what was on the label from the sneak peaks to the stills, you could pretty much track every event that happened. And that's the problem, I don't think we were in a collective hallucination when we thought there would be so much more, and there just wasn't. This especially rung true with Buck this episode, who's storyline is begging for movement while I'm still seeing the same old thing 🙄🙄🙄.

Anyway, that's not even the stuff that pissed me off, what really aggravated me was the Denny stuff. I have no problem with the show doing a big, emotional call during the silly-shenanigans holiday episode, but considering this show has never had a problem writing an emergency where the audience finds itself emotionally invested in a few just-introduced strangers, using the Wilsons to make sure the audience is invested felt lazy and like too much considering all they've just gone through. It was a paint-by-numbers choice to imo, where its like okay who has kids who aren't toddlers cause that'll freak out the audience, aren't already traumatized because no one wants to see trauma piled on a kid, and are actually present?? Oh look, there's Denny!! So yeah, unless there's some sort of future follow-up to what happened that whole thing felt so shoved in and unnecessary.

As for the Buddie and tree stuff, again everything that happened was what we were shown would happen, no surprises. And while I get that the audience has to actually see their relationship this season in order to see why it ends later, it doesn't make watching the hamster wheel in action fun. And god the one solo BT scene they put in (not counting the cemetary, Tommy might as well have been on another set he was so far away) was so ridiculously painful to watch with Treeman acting like a condescending dick the entire time. I sat through it with BT 1.0 and have since forgotten how much I just don't need to see that, until now. The only plus I guess is that at least now they're contrasting it against the way Eddie treats Buck directly which definitely is purposeful, but still I'm tired of watching it and seeing Buck being talked down to.

That's all from me bestie, gonna go get some more wine and curl up with some Buddie classics tonight. Its gonna be a long two weeks....

Friend, we should not have been surprised. As you said, we got exactly what it looked like we would get, down to ending on a somewhat positive-ish note for BT which I think a lot of us HAD been expecting until quotes and hits started coming out. But we should all know better by now! That gif Kat used was the first bucket of ice water for me because I know exactly what that scene implies and I was right. There was certainly some whiplash though as we keep hearing there is going to be a disconnect and BT are going to learn things and face hurdles and it's like, girl where? Is the hurdle just T not actually liking Buck and treating him like a child? Because that only works if it gets addressed and so far it hasn't, and doesn't sound like it will. Plus, hearing that Buck is going to go to everyone for relationship advice is filling me personally with dread because it seems like every time that happens he just gets lectured about why he's not doing enough to keep things together instead of anyone asking if he's happy and I just can't do it again. I'm so tired of watching Buck, who has SO much romance to offer and asks so little get constantly trapped by the writers in these relationships that are boring at BEST, or painful to watch at worst as he is dismissed and mistreated. We've seen this all before, and are dying for something new!

On top of all of that, the pacing and tone for the episode was once again, all over the place! Knowing who wrote it, that kinda makes sense now 🙄. It started out good with fun firefam stuff, but once again, Buck gets shuffled off onto some side story with a rando side character instead of the firefam being involved to make it fun! That's why things like Jinx worked so well! We have Buck and Chim freaking out, Hen on the fence, Bobby pretending he's not superstitious to keep the peace, and Eddie trying to get everyone on his side of the fence. It's more balanced, and fun, plus they can all like, act. But this just felt like Buck getting ganged up on with no one in his corner and the audience, who knows Chim especially is all about this kind of stuff, is left wondering why we didn't hear anything much from him or Bobby, or even almost-a-doctor-Hen! At least Eddie was around, but again, the tone of those scenes with him siding with T felt SO off and really felt like a writing issue. We didn't even get a resolution to the boils! We don't know if it worked or not so what was the point if it's just gonna be brushed aside with a throwaway line, two weeks from now when the show comes back?! Again, a writing/pacing issue.

As for Eddie, I think the audience would have benefited from just a little more insight into his head, instead of getting the same "I miss my son but I'm fine" thing the firefam is getting, just because I think they are really going to get into it for Eddie next week (Shannon again, yay😒), and these storylines do need at least a little room to build, and that alone might have helped with the tone for Eddie's scenes for the audience to sympathize with him, instead of it looking like he's brushing Buck off while the audience is sympathizing with Buck. Again, a writing issue.

Which brings me to the next part of the pacing/tone issue which is why I'm putting on the writing because it wasn't just that the BT stuff was bad and the Eddie stuff felt off, but where in the absolute fuck did this Henren conflict come from?? Someone else pointed out that since Mara has been silenced in her story for so long, this was the perfect opportunity to give her a voice and have HER be the one not understanding Hen's work schedule. Which makes more sense given how young she is, and all she's been through, and it being her first big holiday with her family, rather than someone with a decade of living this life suddenly having a problem out of nowhere. If that had come up even just last week which could have worked with tensions being high and them struggling, it would have made more sense. But truly, this should have been centered on Mara's feelings, not her parents feelings about what might be Mara's feelings but we don't know because it's never confirmed how she feels. I think it was an emotional scene, but without the build up it fell a little flat which is so frustrating because once again we have actors who can absolutely pull off the emotional scenes, being let down by the writing. And while this show has absolutely balances fun and funny with tragic, the tone again just didn't fit or flow. It's bachelor party all over again with the tonal whiplash!

My final big though I'm going to leave off with is this, and it's something we learned during RNM and it's something I try to remember especially for this show as well. Actors having a really great time doing their job and being excited about what they did because they remember all the fun they had and what it looked like from their perspective, does not always translate into an enjoyable episode for the audience. They don't always know what all gets cut, they don't know how things ultimately get put together and how that affects the tone and pacing the audience sees, and their experience is colored by getting to have a super fun time with their friends doing cool stuff! Oliver has had a few episodes he's loved doing cool acting stuff for that didn't translate as well for the audience in the finished product. The journos as well hyped the fuck out of the s7 finale and that episode was a fucking mess! They are also at work, and their job is to get clicks and unfortunately, nothing like a good old fashioned ship war to generate buzz! (Though I'm surprised after some of the deeply disturbing and nasty shit thrown at them by BTs that things turned out like they did, but again, we don't actually know these people and I need to remember that ignoring them is actually for the best.)

ANYWAY. I'll close on Buddie when I'm dead, and if I survived BT 1.0 dragging out a whole season for no reason, that rando woman being forced into 5b just to take up scenes that belonged to everyone else because she had no reason to exist, and that transphobe getting to stick around for a whole season also for no other reason than set dressing basically, then I can get through this. But GOD I'd rather not. I'll follow this show to hell and back, I just wish it would stop fucking going there.

Final final thoughts, my favorite reminder:

[thebrawlerina]

Hey! Do you have any headcannons for Buster? I’d love to hear some if you haven’t already done a post on it! :D

I haven't done a post on him! I think this might actually be the first time I've written about him on this blog.

Buster HCs

Buster was hired at the park to help manage the newly established Brawlywood area and the connecting Starr Cinema location. He was a crew member, assigned to the camera crew, though he also helps in the lights and sounds department.

Whenever the set wasn't being used, he and Fang would take over and try to do their own little things. They wouldn't touch any of the expensive equipment (so that they wouldnt get in trouble if ever something broke) and they would do their own short films and trailers.

Buster was really happy when Fang got promoted to a brawler. He wondered if he would get the same shot too, but figured that it wouldn't be the case since Fang had his cool martial arts to help him. So imagine his surprise when he did get the nomination.

A lot of the Starr Original films were based around the brawlers doing cool feats. Sometimes they needed a 'villain' to thwart. If no other brawlers or actors wanted to step up to the plate, Buster would often volunteer himself to play the villain. Even as a Brawler, he'd still try and get these gigs.

That being said, he still loves being the hero, or at least playing good-aligned characters.

Hes worked with Maisie more than Fang (outside of their little shenanigans) because they were both crew members in the cinema and the studio. he was pleasantly surprised when she became a brawler too.

Buster can and will try to insert an old action movie reference in what he does or says.

His favorite movie genre is action. Specifically old classic/vintage action movies. He doesn't really hate any particular genre, but does find romantic comedy movies a bit tedious at times.

Buster is the type to eat stuff when he feels bored. This is a trait he shares with Fang. Unfortunately for him, his metabolism isn't as fast as Fangs so he ends up chubbier than Fang.

Buster never removes his glasses. Unlike Leon, there isnt a real reason for this. He just thinks he looks cooler with them on.

As a result, Buster has a VERY prominent tan line where his Glasses normally are.

Buster isnt the best at it, but he does know basic makeup. If he ever has to go somewhere where he cant wear his glasses (fat chance) he can at least hide that embarrassing little mark.

Despite what others may think, Buster and Fang are not childhood friends. They first met working at the park, but they clicked so well together that it was as if they knew each other their whole lives.

Buster does feel a little jealous of Fang's martial art skills, but Fang is really appreciative of his own creative cinematography skills, so it sort of balances it out.

Buster is an only child but hes always wanted a little sibling. That's probably why he got so attached to Gus, and why hes so protective of the little guy.

Buster appreciates Maisie always being there to help bail them out of the things they get into, but he sometimes has to remind her that she shouldn't be constantly sticking her nose in their business. Not everything they do is gonna end up in flames, honest!

Buster is fairly sure he likes men more than women. He denies having a crush on anyone, but the way he interacts with Fang has some people questioning that thought.

[hel-phoenyx]

Oli belongs to @thal-ent, Meili to @azeler and Domhildr to @soupedepates

Some modern AU shenanigans

I may be in the middle of a thesis and have classes to give to some poor undergrads not aware of what they are putting themselves into, but there's something that never changes : The squad's weekly meeting.

Wouldn't miss it for anything in the world. Even though I show myself at the café with huge dark circles and the feeling several birds slept in my hair.

Something Oli doesn't miss, apparently.

"Jesus Christ, Tyr, you look like shit, you're good ?"

"Yeah, just the thesis fucking me in the ass. Also I had problems with cops while coming here."

Well.

A cop.

Domhildr sneers a little.

"Damn, still acab, man. What did they do to you ?"

"Nothing you would expect," I smile. "That motherfucker just tried to rope me into doing a black bloc riot his squad would try to stop, 'cause having a damn Harkyrsen here would probably create a huge stir. Said he would protect me from consequences, too. Most sane cop of the bunch."

And I love him a lot, really, that little bitch, but I have other things to do than getting roped into bullshit like this. I'm doing peaceful manifestations and my folks are already on my back. Seeing me at a riot would mean my death for sure.

Apparently I just dropped a bomb, since Oli and Domhildr both have eyes huger than flying saucers.

"Tf is that guy on, mate ?!"

"Never knew, never asked. Nothing new to tell ?"

Oli and Meili look at each other with something I could take as worry, but Domhildr, probably getting I won't say much more, just shrugs.

"Eh, nothing much. Went to see the guys at Planned Parenthood, told them I have a new tattoo. They congratulated me."

"That tattoo ?"

"Yep !"

"So you did it, about time- Hey now, don't show me, I know what it looks like !"

Little shit was just trying to lift up her shirt. Jeez, Domi, I'm happy you feel good in your own body, really I am, but I'm not sure I like being involved in that !

Or maybe I have deeper problems than embarassment. Linked to the reason my best friend, sister and brother-in-law call those weekly meetings "the polycule assembly".

Motherfuckers. I have enough with two unrequited crushes, I don't need three more.

Meili has a little smile.

"Classic Dom."

"You know you love me~"

"Speak for your roommate and the academic overachiever of the year, and that's coming from me, Tyr."

I roll my eyes.

"How do you manage to give shit to both Domi and I in only one sentence."

"One of my biggest talents."

[fermiomoriblog]

Hi

I've abandoned this blog, haven't I? If two posts counted as a blog in the first place. Just haven't had time.

So a quick, lazy post today - top 5 favourite ao3 fics, in order:

These Days Without You by Smitty - I've called this the gold standard of sunflower before, and I haven't met anyone else who disagrees. Smitty is a highly talented writer. Masterful utilisation of headspace and the descriptive writing.

Their Time by ShardOfHope - This gets #2 not because of any shade on Shard, but because 1. it is shorter, and its value kind of does lie in the fact that it is shorter, 2. it is quite a bit darker so may not be suitable for everyone (but has a good ending, dw) and 3. sorry, but you do need a proofreader. (let me be your proofreader pls)

I won't spend too much time explaining it because virtually any explanation is a spoiler. All I'll say is, if you ever feel like you want to hurt yourself, read this. (And also talk to friends and therapists, of course.) Unironically.

Deep Down, We're Still The Same Kids by witheredahlia - fluff. All the fluff, and canon compliant, and still hits hard. It is, more or less, the best immediate post good end story.

The Everyday Shenanigans of Aubrey by Practicallyunethical - me, a filthy sunflower shipper, putting a sunburn fic on here!? But the author does handle the fic really, really well, taking what I can only call a surrealist approach to life. It's a bit hard to read, like all classics, but it is one of only a handful of omori fics that I can make genuine literary comparisons to the likes of James Joyce, etc. Beautiful work.

One More Time by GalileoGalilei - Another sunburn fic? Am I even a sunflower shipper anymore? (yes.) But I think that anyone who has read it will quite agree that it is an excellent and impactful work. There's lots of angst - this is post bad end - but a glimmer of hope at the end which keeps the reader going. It does fall into the "shafting Basil aside" pitfall I mentioned in my first post, in my opinion, but that does not detract massively from the value of the fic.