#so there was little me attempting to steal a song from the internet with a library computer and a floppy disk

[morenavbby]

I've been listening to Midnight Rain by Taylor Swift and the part of the song about her only thinking about him when it's midnight doesn't resonate with me at all.

It's midnight right now and I was thinking about the time younger me was telling the public librarian how I was attempting to commit a crime on the library computers and her solution was to sell me a floppy disk for a dollar.

[mahi-does-some-art]

Tell me about your servamp AUs... All of them...

GET THE FUCK OFF MY PORCH, NICCOLO, GET!!! GIT!!! SWATS AT YOU LIKE A FLY!!!

ok this is going to be a long list tho so buckle up:

Succubus Mahiru AU, inspired by @yarrayora 's bc i love it and would love to hear theirs. plz. I wanna hear about it so bad.

Kuro Has Too Many Exes AU, where the usual "Mahiru drags home a human!kuro" and gets into a situationship that turns into a relationship with him and he meets all of kuro's exes (the other servamps, gear, germaine) and helps him deal with all of that.

The Game (i havent figured out a cool name for this au yet) AU where there is this huge reality tv show that doubles as a romance/job hunting thing where people or companies will hunt someone of their choosing for either romance or to recruit. The people chasing are hunters and the people running are prey and the goal of the prey is to run around the country to avoid getting caught by the hunters for as long as they can for a guarantied better life and a heafty cash prize. The goal of the hunters is to try and capture their desired prey and if they succeed, they date or recruit them. Mahiru finds himself nominated by japan internet to be prey and he does it.

"Haunted House" Au where the Servamps arent vampires but still immortal and they get sentient houses out of it. I love this one.

Mahiru And The Witch's Broom Au, based off the movie Mary and the Witches Flower. An Au where Mahiru breaks his broom so he buys another that turns out to be a magic broom that broomnaps him into the magical world hidden from non-magic humans. He had picked up a normal "cat" the same day and the cat, Kuro, got broomnapped with him. Mahiru becomes a witch and its chaos, I love it.

There's also my Welcome To Demon School, Iruma-Kun au for Servamp. Akira made a deal with a demon, Tooru, when Mahiru was born in order to help take care of him and give him a family, Tooru gets attached to Akira and they both end up concidering themselves siblings and so obviously he loves his sister very much as well as his adorable nephew Mahiru. Akira dies and their both heartbroken, Tooru doesnt let go of the Shirota Visage and stays in the human world (illegally) to care for Mahiru. Shit happens and Mahiru gets sucked into the demon world and he isnt able to go back. There starts his new school life!

MY CORALINE AU, OF COURSE!!!!!

My clown au that is so for me specifically and i love love love LOVE IT.

My Au based off of the Lotus Flower Casino from the Percy Jackson movie specifically. Please ask about this one.

Mine and @pinkestlittlebutterfly 's Candy House au, which is a more mafia setting post-Tsubaki defeating that has all the demons being human apart from their servamps and each respective demon-servamp has History with each other. Sloth, named Rowan here, ends up falling in love with Mahiru in an attempt to steal away the thing Kuro loves the most. No, they are not related here but everything is great and Fibi's ideas are *mwah* CHEF'S KISS.

We also made a Fae Au together that i adore just as much.

My self-indulgent Sloth Pair move-out au where they get a really nice but trashed house they renovate and its very lovey dovey and domestic and a bit angsty bc Mahiru's never really been anywhere but Tooru's apartment and also Touma makes Tooru miss Mahiru's move-out day when they finally fix their house up. Also they somehow swindle C3 into paying their bills for saving japan.

The Bakery Au where Mahiru opens his own small bakery/resturaunt and takes in Kuro and attracts very annoying people because of it. They all love his cooking. Kuro ends up learning and helping Mahi along with Sakuya. Tho I admit that this au is a little half-baked..... ;3

The Au where Mahiru takes Sakuya up on his request to start a band together and their love gets stronger and stronger with each song and mishap they make and get into.

Love Is Stored In The Cat AU, where Kuro gets moved into the apartment next to Mahiru by a worried Lily, finds a random cat in his apartment one day that got into his house through the faulty balcony door, ends up meeting mahiru because thats his cat and they start talking and its really cute. This is a Kuro healing au.

That Au where C3 buys a place to make all of the Pairs + Team M live in together. Its a very big, nice, high tech house with more than enough space for all of them and their individual preferences but we all know thats not going to stop any chaos and sibling drama. It has a huge, high tech kitchen that I swear Mahiru is in love with. Hed marry it, theres so much space. Also there are a lot of other rooms for activities! Team M has a room dedicated to their game nights.

My IB au, following the game, Mahiru goes on a school field trip to a new museum and gets sucked in to the world of Germaine's paintings. In this au, Germaine immortalizes the servamps through art.

And there's of course the AU where Germaine gets a body of his very own and due to very tough and unfortunate circumstances, Mahiru makes a contract with him! Kuro is not happy.

Then there's the Merfolk Au i have where all the Eves are merfolk instead of the other way around.

Thaaaaaaaat's all I can think of rn. So yeah. Also GET THE HELL OFF MY TUMBLR NICCOLO!!! WE WERE IN CLASS SITTING NEXT TO EACH OTHER WHEN U SENT ME THIS STHAP. cant believe i didnt see you do that.

[hypmic-writings]

HHEEYYY!!! IT'S 6:00PM I'M FREAKING OUT!! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT MY WHOLE LIFE, not that long but feels like ◉‿◉ I've wondering if you can do something like 「TRYING TO RECREATE AKNHA DANCE With Hypmic boys 」 not all of them but 3 at your choice. Thank u and we love u! You are the best~

━━ ∘◦ ☆ ◦∘ ━━

Pairing: Ichiro Yamada x reader; Kuko Harai x reader; Jyushi Aimono x reader

Genre: NSFW

Warnings: Allusions to Sensual Dancing??

A/N: Call me old but I had absolutely no idea what the Aknha Dance was, so I had to look it up. I believe it’s a sexual innuendo from everything I’ve deciphered online, one where the dancer sways their hips in a sensual way, but I could be totally wrong and if that’s the case, I deeply apologize. Hope this is along the lines of what you wanted~

NSFW UNDER THE CUT; 18+ ONLY - MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

Ichiro Yamada

Ichiro was just casually laying down on the bed when you get the idea to do a little prank on him

you hop over to where he is and call out his name to get his attention before grabbing his hand and smiling evilly at him

the confusion is written all over his face, but that quickly goes away when you start to do the iconic Aknha Dance that’s been floating around the internet lately

of course, Ichiro knows exactly what you’re doing because he’s chronically online, and he also games from time to time

so the reference to the dance that was originally from Animal Crossing but has now become a meme is something he’s familiar with

but that doesn’t stop him from becoming extremely flustered

his face turns red but he can’t seem to tear his eyes away from you as you tease him with your swaying hips 

he grins at you, half confused and half nervous, unsure of whether to hype you up or whether to turn away

you haven’t been dating for all that long, and he’s just not sure of what you want his reaction to be because he doesn’t want to cross a line but you’re dancing it so well and he’s in awe

omg so wholesome 

Ichiro attempts to look away, and it’s only then that you laugh and stop dancing, pushing him back onto the bed so that you can fall down beside him

and poking his face lightly with a teasing smile and a light chuckle

because it’s usually Ichiro who’s teasing you, so this is a nice way to get back at him a bit

“Was that too much?” you chuckle

“No way, you’ll definitely have to show me more of that dance later! And I want to know just how you learned to do it so well!” he exclaimes

but this only makes you laugh harder

Kuko Harai

Kuko is always stealing wifi from his friends to play around on his phone, so he’s pretty up to date on all of the memes floating around

he’s seen the Aknha dance, and he knows exactly what it is, but this makes your plan even better

you’re tired of Kuko always teasing you, so you wait until he comes over one day to enact your plan of revenge to tease him back

you wait until he’s sitting comfortably on the couch, unaware of your music already set up to that of the Aknha zone

and as soon as his attention drifts away, you stand up over him, close enough for him to see everything, but not close enough to touch

and you hit play on the music, laughing lightly as you start to do the Aknha dance, swaying your hips in time to the beats of the song

Kuko is immediately startled, staring at you and not knowing what to do for a moment

but he quickly realizes what’s happening, and he can’t stop himself from grinning a toothy smirk and nodding in approval

because he thinks you look sexy doing the dance and it’s even more sexy that you’re doing it just for him

once you feel you’ve teased him enough, you stop the dance and the music and take a little bow as Kuko cheers

he tells you your dance was amazing and that he definitely wants to see it again, but you just chuckle and tell him that next time he’ll have to be the one dancing for you

Kuko will ask why you did the dance, and whether or not you practiced it, but you just shrug your shoulders and tell him that it’s a secret

to which he narrows his eyes and says that it’s fine as long as he’s the only one you dance that particular dance for 

Jyushi Aimono

you can hear Jyushi playing on his switch before you walk into the room and you can immediately tell that he’s in the Aknha zone just from hearing the music

you suddenly remember a meme that you had come across the other day as a mischevious smile dawns on your face

you know you shouldn’t tease Jyushi like this, but it’s just too good to resist, so you steady yourself as you enter the room

just as you predicted, he’s sitting at his desk playing the video game, so you quickly call his name to get his attention

once his eyes are one you, they quickly widen and his jaw drops as he’s practically frozen in fear and anticipation

you’re moving your hips in a suggestive way, recreating the dance that you saw online and giving your boyfriend a sultry look

to you, it feels silly, but it must be having some kind of effect because Jyushi’s face is as red as a tomato and he looks like he’s simultaneously about to cry and about to explode

you keep going for a while before you finally stop, laughing lightly at his expression and nodding to him

“Well? What did you think of my dance?”

Jyushi continues to stare at you for a moment, pulse racing as he tries to get his head on straight to respond

and when he does, it’s a flurry of comments about how good you looked doing the dance, but how you can never do it in front of anyone else 

and that you can only dance like that when he’s around otherwise he’ll get too jealous

and as he’s vehemently going on about your dancing skills, you can see tears well up in his eyes, and you can’t quite place if they’re happy or terrified 

you feel a little bad, so you give him a kiss and tell him that you promise to only dance that dance for him

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

[sanzusbaby]

Hello I hope you're doing well and happy valentine's day btw :)) May I have a Tokyo Revengers character match up pls? <33 I'm an Aquarius, my MBTI type is INTP, I'm quite shy in public but very chaotic with people close to me. I'm pretty anxious sometimes, and don't do well with meeting others but I still try. I'm a bit oblivious at times, and pretty honest. I'm quite sarcastic with close friends. My humor is dark humor or nsfw humor. My music taste are pop songs and pretty much anything with nsfw-ish lyrics lol. My love language is quality time or gift giving (Both giving and receiving). I like to draw and scroll around the internet. I can cook a bit but, not complicated dishes though. I'm loyal to ones that I am very fond of. (Top kinks are degrading kink and size kink.)

Hii!🥰 thank you! Happy valentines to you too!💓 I tried to keep an even amount for each character! Some were just easier than others! Sorry! I hope you like them 💓💓

A bit 🔞 at the end! But neverthelesssss your ships are! (in no particular order)….. Izana, rindou, and ran!

✿upon first meeting, it may seem that rindou didn’t take much notice of you, but that’s far from the reality. He’d find himself with you on his mind more often than not and his gaze always landing on you when you’re around. He’d like your shyness, if he’s able to get you a little flustered in any way at all, his ego would grow 10x. Little sarcastic comments slowly popping out over time, he may smirk and indulge by returning some. Shall we call it his way of playing? Flirting? He wouldn’t deny it, But neither would be admit it. he’d play indifferent and brush off any accusations with a shrug. He’s got an image to keep up and a brother who if he found out, would tease him endlessly or worse, attempt to wind up rindou by trying to steal your attention to himself. So fear not, it’s in rindou best interest to try to get you alone and to himself so you could get to know each other better. able to warm up and be yourself. Rindou Giving you his jacket, saying it’s “because I’m too hot and there’s nowhere to hang it” but in reality, he thought you looked cold or liked seeing wearing his stuff, the way it hung off you, way too big was irresistible to him. A sure way for people to see that you and him have a lil somethin going on. Because ordinarily rindou haitani wouldn’t be seen dead handing out his clothes to anyone…you gotta be damn special. Ran is definitely somewhere spying on his little brother attempting to woo a someone, he finds it adorable. what a weirdo. Okay, you might wonder, why the heck i chose izana . Well here’s the thing, I feel like he’d notice you in, you’d stand out in his eyes. In the midst of more extroverted and rowdy individuals, he’d notice that you’re quiet, unsure, seem a lil anxious about the whole ordeal. he would try to hide that smirk threatening to creep onto his face. Cute. He thinks. I think he’s a lil obsessive and you’d be stuck on his mind, he’d definitely try to find a way to spend time with you alone and pry out your true personality. You’re on his mind constantly, if he’s out and sees something, anything that makes his thoughts scream all about you. He’s definitely getting two. One for him, and one for you. Mwah. Ran. This man- is a menace. From the moment he spotted you, you’re done for. He’s a shy / introverted person’s nightmare. He will adopt you immediately. He would see that you’re a little awkward around him at first, and he’s going to coo about how sweet you are and give you a lil head pat, his hand resting on your head for a few moments longer than necessary. Teases and pokes gentle fun at you, trying to pry you out of your shell. May result in a snarky comment being sent his way which would probably only encourage him. If you’re ever oblivious towards him, he may take it as a lil challenge and ramp it up.

Rindou ane izana would both love to try cooking something with you. It’s a wholesome and domestic thing they crave for, secretly. Just you and him, spending quality time and cooking. His heart might melt a little. Not that either of them would show it. Who’d catch on the quickest? Rin. I feel like between him and his brother he’s the one who’d cook….ramen. That’s about It,But it’s better than ran who would just boil the water down to nothing, like “oops ♡”. rin would definitely want to cook with you often. Izana would.. be totally out of his element in the kitchen but he’d try and let you show him how things are done, and copy you as best as he can. He really enjoys the domestic/family element of cooking with you. Just don’t leave him alone w the stove…because..well let’s just say he’d be great to take on a camping trip! You’d never be cold as he makes a cracking fire! A natural. Ran and cooking.. I bid you goodluck. Mans got wet or dirty hands? Will wipe his hands on you like you’re a rag or flick the water on you to annoy you. Likes to hand you the wrong ingredients or hold things out of your reach to watch you jump for them. “ ran could you pass me the sugar over, please” proceeds to give your cheek a kiss. Smooth fucker.

Rindou would enjoy quiet mornings in bed or evenings on the sofa with you while you scroll through your phone. He may simply rest his head on your chest or peek at your phone to be more involved in what you’re doing. ✨Bonding time✨

♡Mature♡” Have you on the floor between his spread legs, his elbows resting on his knees, chin in his palm as he peers down at you. Rindou would be only too happy to degrade you. He’d be the meanest about it. Face hard to read, apart his lips twisting into the occasional smirk at your desperation. His ego wouldn’t be the only thing growing this time. He’d feign irritation as he spits out about how pathetic you look whining for him on your knees like some filthy bitch in heat. If you ask nicely, He may even let you ride him…eventually. “C’mon you can take it, right? Makin’ all that fuckin’ fuss earlier like a needy little whore and you can’t even take my cock?” He’d scoff and roll his eyes. pulling you down onto his cock all the way. I guess you can call it his way of helping you. “ If you wanna cum, you’re gonna have to work for it”. Likes it when you cling onto his shoulders for support. He’s Very cocky ‘bout it.

♡I hope you like your matchup💓 I’m still new to it so I’m sorry if it ain’t great sksjjsjksjk😭

[currentfandomkick]

Selina Steals a Bug from Batman to get her Kitten.

blame this post here for this thing's inspiration, and a friend for encouraging this.

--

             Selina paused when she saw ‘the lost Wayne’ news. She knew Bruce didn’t adopt another kid and forget to tell her—Dick kept her up-to-date on his new siblings and sent her pictures. No, her boyfriend Bruce Wayne would certainly not hide a new Wayne from her.

             He absolutely would forget to introduce her to a new family friend or potential bat. She was still upset about how long it took him to admit that little Stephanie had been working with his son for months and he hadn’t thought to invite the girl over for a meal or two when Selina was over. It wasn’t like she didn’t already know Tim was dating another vigilante… it was that one of her not-technically-my-sons was not introducing her to someone who had saved his life multiple times and who happened to be another Gotham vigilante and another addition to the batfam.

             Selina is their unofficial mother after all, she has rights. Any possible members of their little bat family, and she must assess them. at the very least, teach them more than just Bruce’s habits. The man was horrendous at showing his actual emotions, and the kids would need a counter example to that—herself obviously.

             So imagine Selina’s surprise when she decided to surprise her boyfriend and his children with a visit, only to find a young teen drinking out of Tim’s favorite mug, wearing one of Dick’s more infamous Nightwing hoodie’s, and looking at one of Damian’s katana’s carefully.

             “Who are you?” Selina had a feeling this was the latest “not a Wayne” and she would have to ensure her bats were safe from a fellow thief… again.

             The teen looked up, almost startled by her appearance and nearly dropping the katana.

             Selina raised an eyebrow.

             The teen flushed. “Marinette.”

             “And what,” Selina strolled over to the table and sat on its edge. “Exactly are you doing with all of these?”

             The girl was smart enough to look a bit embarrassed, she'd give her that much. Not without shame. Good.

             “Well, uh, kind of complicated, but, uh, the boys said that I couldn’t manage to grab their favorite things.”

             Selina looked the girl over. She was probably the new one to the group, the spotted French girl Jagged Stone mentioned in a few of his songs. She was young, and clearly good at getting what she wanted.

             “Where’s Jason’s?”

             “Uh, how did you…”

             “Answer the question.”

             “… behind the gardener’s shed. He really needs to stop leaving his keys in easy access pockets.”

             Selina nodded, looking over the girl. She was twisting a familiar looking ring… wasn’t that one of the Wayne family rings!?

             “How did you get that off Bruce?” Selina feigned nonchalance.  

             “… don’t judge me.”

             “Too late. Talk.”

             “Accidentally, I swear, just, he left the safe open and mid-terms stress and then…” the girl gestured helplessly.

             Selina could appreciate the honesty. She could also appreciate that the girl managed to get something off each boy.

             But now came the real test.

             “Kleptomaniac kind?”

             The girl flushed harder. “Yeah… I was going to return it, eventually… I think.”

             Selina looked over the girl once more, suddenly seeing an opportunity she should have taken back when she first saw Tim stalking her bats way back when. She could use her own mini.

             “How do you feel about cats?”

             Marinette shifted gears at that. “Real, memes, or Chat Noir?” Selina could feel there was a story there, one for another time. “If we’re talking real, they’re amazing, the memes are fun and Chat is…” the girl shook her head. “Complicated. And in London apparently, so he can’t judge me for my poor life choices.”

             Oh, Selina likes this one. “I’m guessing you’re Brucie’s latest pet project?”

             Marinette scrunched up her face at that. “I’m here to force a sense of fashion on this family if it kills me.”

             Selina smiled at that. “Oh, I do believe we’re going to get along wonderfully.” She extended her hand. “I go by Catwoman in the field.”

             Marinette paused for a moment before taking the extended hand with a grin of her own. “Ladybug—though we might want to go with something else for this... how do you feel about panjas bracelets?”

             Selina’s grin grew. “Oh, we’re going to get along perfectly.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

             In the Batcave there was a meeting being held by a distressed Nightwing, impatiently waiting for the others to finish arriving.

             “Batgirl?”

             “She’s not on tonight,” Red Robin answered, quietly sipping his espresso in one of his lesser mugs. It seems like his bean got to his favorite earlier…

             “Black Bat?” Nightwing asked Batman.

             “She’s running with the Birds of Prey tonight—Oracle’s idea.”

             Nightwing seemed to accept this. “I’ll just forward them the power point.”

             Red Robin groaned. “Another one?”

             Red Hood shook his head. “Blame B. He got it in Dickie’s head that this is how you explain things to people. Bullet points.”

             “No names in the field,” Robin snapped.

             “No names in the field,” Red Hood mocked under his breath.

             Robin glared at him for that.

             “It’s a very effective method.” Batman stated defensively.

             “Yeah, on the League,” Red Robin grumbled into his coffee. The Batfam is full of (not really) professional detectives—they are capable of understanding without the bullet points of doom. Mostly.

             “Then I’ll just get started, Agent A, Lights!”

             The batcave dimmed to show only the projection of a power point title slide ‘Marinette Cannot Meet Selina, Ever.’

             “What the hell is this?” whispered Red Hood.

             “I allowed you to delay patrol, for this?” Batman sighed.

             “Silence! Nightwing is speaking.”

             “Thank you Robin, now, Marinette is under no circumstances to meet Selina.”

             “Why doesn’t he have to use codenames?” Red Hood wondered aloud. Only to be kicked by an aggressive Robin. “Ow! What the hell demon spawn!”

             “Silence,” Robin hissed.

             “As I Was Saying,” Nightwing loudly began. “Marinette is not allowed to meet Selina. It would be a disaster for us all.”

             “Its not she’d adopt her like a certain someone is trying to,” Red Hood stated, pointedly ignoring Robin’s attempts to silence him with threats of violence.

             Nightwing changed the slide with a sigh. “Exhibit A: Marinette enjoys shiny things, and so does Selina.”

             The slide showed two pictures, one of Marinette in various miraculous while holding one of Damian’s daggers, and the other of Selina with a very large gemstone necklace.

“Exhibit B, they are both prone to theft.”

             The next slide showed Catwoman stealing a necklace from a museum, and Marinette in Batman’s cape while using Tim’s phone and wearing one of Jason’s leather jackets, Titus laying at her feet.

             “Marinette does not stop at shiny things, as we can expect of Selina,” Robin explained.

             “You’re just mad Pixie managed to get past your security.”

             Robin glared at Red Hood.

             “That doesn’t explain why bean shouldn’t meet Selina,” Red Robin said. “Hm, maybe I should change the bean blend again? not getting enough of a buzz.”

             Nightwing sighed, changing the slide again. “If the two meet, we lose all we hold dear.”

             This time the slide showed a photoshopped Marinette and Selina sitting on a pile of miscellaneous objects.

             Batman sighed, deciding his eldest was just being overdramatic again.

             “Mari will learn new tricks from Selina.” Nightwing stated slowly. “Tag team with Selina, maybe even be the Robin to her Batman.” That got the room’s attention, albeit not the kind Nightwing wanted. “It would not just be Mari’s minor thefts anymore.”

             Red Robin rolled his eyes while Red Hood snorted a “yeah right.”

             Robin looked nervously as Nightwing finished his powerpoint.

             “Mari would rule Gotham and no one, not even us, would be able to stop her.”

             Batman decided that they wasted enough time on Nightwing’s bout of paranoia. “I highly doubt Selina would corrupt her.”

             At that moment a beaming stripped heroine walked in, wearing a new string of necklaces, with Catwoman at her side with an amused look of her own.

             “How dare you try to hide a kitten from me.”

             Nightwing threw his hands up. “I told you!”

             Batman stared while Robin began checking their systems… no alarms had gone off anywhere and they all knew the pair had stolen the necklaces that Marinette was sporting.

             Nightwing was right.  

             “Holy shit is this really happening?” Red Robin half-whispered, looking back and forth between the pair and a shocked Batman. “Is Catmom pulling a Batdad?”

             Catwoman flashed a smile. “Since someone wouldn’t let me take any birdies, I decided to take a kitten of my own.”

             “Why didn’t you tell me I could have more moms here!” Marinette exclaimed.

             At the groups growing look of horror, Catwoman’s grin grew. “Oh, I forgot to mention, Harley and Ivy are back. They want joint custody. She’s the Marigold Harley’s been tweeting about.”

---

first thing i do after getting real internet back plus have the time to think, and its write and post this. hope you all enjoyed!

[thelordofdarkreunion]

Things the Scoundrels are No Longer Allowed to Do- Part II

Based on “Skippy’s List,” I have continued “A List of Things the Scoundrels are No Longer Allowed to Do.”  I hope you enjoy it.  The original can be found here:

https://thelordofdarkreunion.tumblr.com/post/637424500291600384/a-list-of-things-the-scoundrels-are-no-longer

The group known as the Magnificent Scoundrels has gotten a bit out of hand.  This list was compiled by Admiral Hackett of the Systems Alliance, Admiral Kelly of the GA, Fleet Admiral Hood of the UNSC, Inquisitor Vail of the Holy Inquisition, Commander Briggs of the Frontier Militia, Princess Leia of the New Republic, and Director Fury of SHIELD in order to curb the Scoundrels’ more dangerous or inappropriate behaviors.  These rules apply to all Scoundrels and their teams/crews.

207.  Expended ammunition is not a business expense.

208.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to call requesions officers or quartermasters “sugar daddy.”

209.  There is no “anti-Shepard conspiracy” within the Scoundrels’ fleet.  That’s the Citadel Council’s thing.

210.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to adopt dogs to “sic on the brass.”

211.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to pay Revenant to kill people they don’t like.

212.  None of the Scoundrels are The Chosen One.  That was Anakin Skywalker.

213.  It is wrong to fire warning shots at drivers who do not recognize your right of way.

214.  Reading is not “for officers only.”

215.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to ask anyone who outranks them if they’ve been smoking crack.

216.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to turn their starship command rooms into throne rooms.  Especially with tacky carpets.

217.  We are not making clones out of any of you.  You are all hard enough to deal with as is.

218.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to steal any massive, mobile space stations or star fortresses, which include but are not limited to:

- The Rock

-The Phalanx

-The Citadel

-High Charity

-Cloud City

219.  Thomas Drake is not allowed to crash economies “because it’s fun.”

220.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to assign nicknames to anyone.

221.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to make chain guns that fire miniature nukes

222.   The weapons specialists of the Apocalypse are no longer allowed to collaborate with the engineers of the Normandy or Enterprise, and Quill is to give up the nuke chain gun.

[I will not!  How can you stop me?  I have a chain gun that fires nukes!]

223.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to wake up superior officers with cymbals

224.  Napalm Sticks to Kids is not a motivational song.

225.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to quote bastardized versions of Dr. Seuss rhymes on military operations.

226.  Command decisions do not need to be ratified by a ⅔ majority.

227.   The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to line their helmets with tin foil to “block out the space mind control lasers.”

228.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to start any SITREP (Situation Report) with “I recently had an experience I just had to write you about…”

229.  Do not attempt to take the gas masks off of Death Korps troopers.

230.  Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are “casualties of war.”

231.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to mock command decisions in front of the press.

232.  You should not speculate on the penis size of anyone who outranks you.  Especially if they’re in earshot.

233.  You cannot arrest children for being rude.

234.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to create new, made-up government forms, then insist they be filled out.

235.  No one is allowed to perform “lap dances” in uniform.

236.  Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.

237.  Cain is technically allowed to kill any of you if he finds reason to, so stop pissing him off.

238.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to defect to other military service branches during training missions.

239.  Your race is not “other” on official documents.

240.  There is no Scoundrels ethics committee.  And if there was, Thomas Drake would not be chairman.

241.  Chainsaws are not the answer to every question.  Nor is “more chainsaws.”  Or “chainsaw cannons.”  Except for that one time, and yes, it was awesome.

242.  Stop posting classified information on social media.

243.  Adam Vir is no longer allowed to play “Hippocratic Oath chicken” with Dr. Kril.

244.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to cook nerve gas in the sink.

245.  There is no “annoy” setting on a phaser.

246.  A wet towel is not an improvised weapon.  Unless you’re Master Chief.  There’s a reason the Covenant calls him “The Demon.”

247.  I know you all have passes, but if the gun can’t fit through the x-ray machine, it doesn’t go on the plane.

248.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to download Internet Explorer into the Geth hivemind or the Martian noosphere.

249.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to demand payment in liquor, backrubs, or bubble wrap.

250.  Any Exterminatus-grade weapon is not “my little friend.”

251.  Airlocks do not double as waste disposals.

252.  No member of the Scoundrels or their crews are a pagan god or goddess of fertility.

253.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to learn profanities in any language that can bend reality.

254.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to steal their own souls.

255.  There is not a Space Marine Chapter whose heraldry is a smiley face.

256.  The following weapons are no longer allowed as dueling choices: steamrollers, nerve gas, land mines, or heavy artillery.

257.  Shepard is no longer allowed to drive or pilot anything.

258.  Han Solo is no longer allowed to attempt any piloting maneuver in which the original inventor was killed doing.

259.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to play The Only Thing They Fear is You every time a super soldier enters the battlefield.

260.  In formal introductions to nobility, you are not allowed to introduce your companions as “the other guys.”

261.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to monologue.

262.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to do anything that would make a Sith Lord cry.

263.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to get telepaths to hurry up the speeches of long winded politicians.

264.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to hand over annoying reporters to any organization that could be considered a theocracy.

265.  If a black op requires you to impersonate an employee, you are not allowed to bill the target for overtime.

266.  By definition, chaplains cannot be atheist.

267.  The proper response to the question “Why?” is not “Why not?”

268.  It is assumed that a properly trained Titan Pilot knows what at least one of the buttons in the Titan’s cockpit does, and it is wrong for Cooper to pretend otherwise.

269.  At the end of a high profile assassination mission, the Scoundrels are no longer allowed to play disco music on the target’s phone.

270.  The Scoundrels cannot hear the soundtrack.

271.  Thermonuclear hand grenades do not exist, and the Scoundrels are no longer allowed to try and make them.

272.  I assure all of the Scoundrels with absolute certainty that Ralph is not a traditional Japanese name.

273.  None of the Scoundrels are from Margaritaville.

274.  Hawaiian shirts are not part of any of our governments’ formal uniforms.

275.  Master Chief is not allowed to record Gravemind ASMR.

276.  The Scoundrels are not allowed to write tell-all books about anything.

277.  “Legends never die!” is not a valid excuse.

278.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to think of new, creative, or fun uses for cursed artifacts.

279.  Check the door means listen to see if there’s any activity on the other side, not put multiple rounds through it.

280.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to give wasabi to unsuspecting aliens.

281.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to do anything they saw Jackie Chan do.

282.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to implement any battle plan that includes the words “and hope they miss a lot.”

283.  There is an upper limit to the number of people a bullet can go through.

284.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to unionize the Unggoy.

285.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to hack forge world PA systems so they only play Allentown.

286.  Sarcasm is wasted on Imperial Stormtroopers.

287.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to upload porn to the HUDs of their commanding officers.

288.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to download porn from the HUDs of their commanding officers.

289.  No matter how tough the battle, the Scoundrels are to keep the congratulatory ass-slapping to a minimum.

290.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use time machines to invade Germany on August 31, 1939 and thus secure Belgian dominion over Europe.

291.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to Tokyo drift tanks

292.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to “catch air” in military vehicles.

293.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to send anything to the past, future, or alternate dimensions.

294.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to mount speakers on tanks to play Ghost Division as they drive into battle.

295.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to post memetic hazards on the internet.

296.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to bind eldritch dieties to their will and make them mow the lawn.

297.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to load weapons with all tracer rounds

298.  If your personal weapon can be read with a Geiger counter, you aren’t allowed to have it.

299.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to turn Khornite daemon worlds into self supporting blood banks.

300.  “Pimp my Death Star” is not a real show, and we are not bringing Grand Moff Tarkin back from the dead to host it.

301.  Prussian Glory March is not a disco song.

302.  We know that Shepard was brought back from the dead by Cerberus, but no matter how high profile or how close a friend, the Scoundrels are not allowed to ask Cerberus, the Adeptus Mechanicus, or, god forbid, Fabius Bile to bring anyone or anything back from the dead.

303.  Any weapon that can be set to “flay” is strictly forbidden.

304.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sing the Oompa Loompa song every time someone annoying dies.

305.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to store squeeze tubes of explosive putty in medicine cabinets.

306.  On most planets, shoulder holsters are frowned upon as casual attire.

307.  Zero body count does not mean just the ones they can find.

308.  Walmart is not a one stop shopping place for hunting demons.

309.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to play football/soccer with AT-ST or Sentinel walkers.

310.  None of you are currently parents, but if you ever become one, Trazyn the Infinite is not to be named your child’s godfather.

311.  You know what, the Scoundrels are no longer allowed to name any of the following as godparents of any potential children:

-The God-Emperor of Mankind

- Emperor Palpatine

- Councilor Sparatus

- Leman Russ [Bjorn said it was OK so fuck you.]

- Kahless the Unforgettable

- Kuben Blisk

- Kharn the Betrayer

312.  Searching a building means entering it, not leveling it with artillery and digging through the rubble.

313.  FedEx does not deliver to Tatooine.

314.  None of the Scoundrels are allowed to single-handedly make Starfleet Academy the number one party school in the universe.

315.  Covering fire does not include nuclear weapons.

316.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to challenge anyone to a dance-off to the death.

317.  Kirk, rifts in the time-space continuum are not for your personal amusement.

318.  Blowing up the top twenty floors of a building is not a “diversion.”

319.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to convince Sith Lords to use Force lighting on their welding projects.

320.  Canadian is not a real language, and you can’t set your translators to it.

321.  There is no such thing as a were-saxophonist.

322.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to tell new personnel that starship windows can be rolled down.

323.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to start wars between major weapons corporations, especially “because I’m bored.”

324.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to clear enemy underground bunker complexes just using Bangalore torpedoes.

325.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to order a lance of Imperial Knights to perform synchronized dance numbers.

326.  The Scoundrels are to leave out human mating rituals when presenting cultural exchanges to alien ambassadors.

327.  When raiding enemy corporations or terrorist organizations, the Scoundrels are no longer allowed to look at the target’s HR files to see if they have better benefits.

328.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use time machines to collect autographs.

329.  Any buttocks belonging to the Scoundrels or any of their crews are permanently forbidden from making contact with any copy machine.

330.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to go FTL to avoid red lights.

331.  “Just throw them out the airlock” is not a backup first contact protocol.

332.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use the Enterprise’s transporters to fill enemy starships with jello.

333.  None of the Scoundrels are the patron saints of large explosions.

334.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to make, accept, or take rake-offs on bets concerning X-class end-of-the-universe scenarios.

335.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to go on PA systems and announce they just won The Game.  Goddammit.

336. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to trick Captain Marvel and Cato Sicarius any superheroes or super soldiers they deem “annoying” into fighting each other.

337.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sell tickets to or organize cage matches between prominent super soldiers.

338.  Lockpicking and door breaching are two entirely different things.

339.  Performing obscene acts while in the cockpit of or piloting large combat mechs is strictly prohibited.

340.  Freeing slaves out of justice is good.  Out of spite, not so much.

341.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to compose offensive emails during stealth operations on the target CEO’s email and subsequently CC the entire company.

342.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to recreate the Charge of the Light Brigade with the Death Riders of Krieg.

343.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use telepaths to get out of speeding tickets.

344.  The state-controlled news service of the Imperium of Man most definitely does not have a liberal bias.

345.  Likewise, the state-controlled news service of the United Federation of Planets does not have a conservative bias.

346.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to kidnap Ewoks or Volus and put them in hamster wheels.

347.  Adam Vir is to, by order of Supreme Grand Master Azrael of the Dark Angels, return the Watchers in the Dark he took from The Rock as pets.

348.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to spend the entirety of their bonus pay on lottery tickets.

349.  The very concept of a Hutt lap dancer will earn a surprise visit from the Deathwatch.

350.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use grenade launchers to play bocce ball.

351.  If you are unsure of which side of the road you are supposed to drive on, the middle of the road is not a healthy compromise.

352.  No matter how cool it would be, the Scoundrels are not allowed to use any time machine to loan General Eisenhower a squadron of X-wings for D-Day.

353.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to program medical droids for “aggressive dentistry.” 

354.  The Scoundrels are to stop trying to get a reality TV show based on themselves.

355.  Garrus Valkarian is not “on loan” to the Vindicare Temple to improve either his or their sniping skills.

356.  Pointing out a massive plothole in any bad guy’s plan will not stop them from attacking you.

357.  Preliminary nuclear bombardment is not automatically Plan A.

358.  Maverick and Tope are not tax exempt for being chaplains. 

359.  Thomas Drake is to stop teaching classes to the rest of the Scoundrels on tax evasion.

360.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to refit tanks with jump jets.

361.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to create their own currencies.

362.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to set Jawas on fire with a massive magnifying glass.

363.  The Stanley Cup does not have the same power as the Holy Grail.  Not even on Canadians.

364.  The Scoundrels are not allowed to steal the Stanley Cup.

365.   The Eldar really hate it when you greet them with “Live long and prosper.”

366.   The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to give pre-teen children their phone numbers, especially when they are on black ops.

367.  You cannot partake in the sport of fencing with a broadsword.

368.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to switch nationalities or service branches for tax purposes.

369. None of the Scoundrels are “He who must not be named only in passing.”

370.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to shoot at natural disasters.

Well, there it is.  I hope you enjoyed it, and if you would like to add to the list, feel free!  

[voskhozhdeniye]

Daft Punk's Discovery is the first CD I ever bought. The first CD I ever felt compelled to buy. I started this month saying F# A# has always been there for me. Well before I knew F# A#, Discovery was there. My record collection has been the only real friend I've ever had.

On August 31, 2001 Toonami on Cartoon Network did a special episode where they played a collection of animated music videos. They started advertising for it a few weeks before the episode.

We had just recently gotten our fiber optics infrastructure, so home internet and home computers were still pretty new around here. We had dial-up, but that was a joke.

My parents hated Cartoon Network, and later banned my nieces and nephew from watching it.

On this special episode of Toonami they were going to play some of the videos from Interstella 5555, a movie that's made of music videos for every song on Discovery. They also played videos from Gorillaz and other bands, but I wasn't interested in those. They were getting airplay on MTV.

I circled the date on my wall calendar and waited.

This was before YouTube, so this was really my only way to see these videos at the time.

The show aired midnight Saturday morning. About fifteen minutes before it starts, my mother tells me to get dressed she wants to go get ice cream. I am livid. I don't want any fucking ice cream I want to see these music videos. I'm twelve, so it's get dressed or get your ass beat.

After we get ice cream at McDonald's, she wants to drive down to a local island to watch the water. We don't get home till almost two.

I get to see the Gorillaz video for 19-2000, but miss all the Daft Punk ones.

We had never gone out to get ice cream that late before, and we never did it again.

I know she saw that date circled on my calendar, and started thinking of shit to do.

After that, I stopped sharing things and hid what I was interested in from her.

Later on she tried to do a family therapy thing, but that blew up. At some point, I was put on anti psychotic medicine and placed in therapy, but I never trusted them either.

Listening to her complain about how I don’t interact with her, or show any emotion towards her is comical.

She taught me not to. Her blow up in October was hilarious because after I really sat down and thought about it. I realized she was searching for ammunition to do damage, but had none. So she threaten me with kicking me out.

She kept saying she was disgusted that I had my father's attitude. In the almost three months since, I've realized I don't have my father's attitude. I have hers.

My father is grumpy, typical emotionally damaged man. When my mother is angry she attempts to destroy you like she tried and failed to do to me.

I remember her doing that shit to my sister when I was little.

I didn't realize what she had tried to do till hours later. A nasty boss in Metroid was pissing me off, and then I started thinking about what she said.

All of this because she password protected her phone while trying to change her email password and forgot the password. Then got mad at me when I pointed out how technology illiterate she is.

I haven’t gotten over the fact that she compared me to some guy who is selling his mother’s land and pocketing the money while his mother lives in squalor.

Steals from mother, treats wife like shit = Tells mother if you don’t know what you’re why are you doing it

Two weeks later she texts me, “you forgot to put your phone number in my phone.”

I didn’t forget.

[winterscaptain]

transfer request. part four.

Aaron Hotchner x Female Reader

a/n: part four is finally here! i am working on part five, and have a special treat with that one. i am so excited to continue this story with you all :) i’ve also decided that jack is short for jonathan because i simply cant imagine they just named him jack flat out and im not sure his name is john either so i made an executive decision lmao  rating/words: teen / 1600 no warnings apply!

another disclaimer because people Have Questions - i have made jack short for jonathan because of a friend friend i had growing up who was a jonathan who went by jack :)

AO3 | Masterlist | Series Masterlist | Requests Open!

+++

The wedding approached faster than anyone thought possible.

The deep, cleansing breath Y/N takes as she stands at the top of Dave’s gorgeous staircase certainly doesn’t feel all that deep or all that cleansing. She holds tight to Derek’s arm like a lifeline, gripping the fabric of his black button-up.

Jack is a few steps in front of her, carrying the rings. He looks up at her, and she winks at him, trying to hide her nerves

“You okay, sweetness?” Derek pats her hand where it rests in the crook of his elbow.

She nods briskly, smoothing a hand down the front of her dress. It’s a stunning garment – heavy silk hangs off her shoulders in layers down to the floor. It frames her figure perfectly – she is only five or so months along, but there is definitely a pronounced swell that hadn’t been there a few weeks prior.

“Just a little nervous Aaron won’t be there when I get down there.”

Derek snorts. “He’ll be there. He can’t outrun me and wouldn’t try.”

She smiles and kisses Derek’s cheek.

+++

In the backyard, Aaron leaned against one of the pillars framing the porch, his hands in his pockets.

“You’re better off than me, Hotch.” Will takes a sip of his beer, standing at Aaron’s side. “When JJ and I got married down here, I wasn’t sure she was gonna come back down the stairs.”

Hotch chuckles. “She’ll come down eventually, just like JJ. Of that I am certain.” He looks over at JJ, sitting beside Spencer with Henry in her lap. She looks up and grins at Hotch, giving him a thumbs up. He smiles back at her.

Dave walks over to Emily and hands her a glass of wine. “How lucky we are to be among family.”

Aaron rolls his eyes. “Dave, now is not the time for a sermon.”

“No, it’s not,” Dave replies, pointing at Aaron with his cigar. “I’m saving it for dinner so I don’t steal Penelope’s thunder.”

Garcia, under the arch with her script in-hand, winks at him.

+++

Jack steps up the stairs and takes Y/N’s other hand. “Are you ready?” He asks.

She nods, leaning down to kiss the top his head. “Yeah, love. I’m ready.” She looks at Derek, who looks back at her with a gentleness in his eyes. “Please don’t let me fall.”

He kisses her forehead. “Never, never, never.”

There are lots of kisses going around, but it’s just one of those days.

Derek pulls her close. Jack’s hand rests in hers as they slowly descend the stairs.

When Aaron comes into view, under the canopy of lights and surrounded by their family, tears spring into Y/N’s eyes. She swallows, and Derek holds her tighter. Jack still holds onto her hand, the rings locked in his other fist.

Aaron’s face breaks out into a smile, and they’re both grinning at each other like idiots by the time the four of them are standing together.

Derek kisses her cheek and places her hand in Aaron’s. Derek steps back behind Dave, taking Jack with him and keeping a hand on the boy's shoulder.

Penelope begins then, welcoming their family to “this ridiculously exciting and long-overdue event.”

Y/N and Aaron can only smile at each other until it’s time for them to read their lines.

 “...in sickness and in health.”

“...for richer or for poorer.”

“...in the field and at home.”

“I do.”

“I do.”

Penelope nods at Y/N, and she beckons Jack forward. Jack hands the rings up to Derek, who drops them safely in his pocket.

When Jack reaches the space between her and Aaron, she drops to one knee, holding her hands out. He places his hands in hers, and she grips them tight.

His brown eyes look into hers, and it's like they’re looking through each other rather than at each other. She knows she’ll never take those eyes for granted – whether in the face of her stepson, her husband, or any other children they have.

“Jonathan Hotchner, I may not have given you the gift of life, but life sure did give me the gift of you.” When he smiles, some tears escape Y/N’s eyes, falling onto the ground at her feet. She only halfway processes Aaron’s hand coming to rest on Jack’s shoulder as she continues. “I promise to be by your side through all your triumphs and sorrows. I can’t promise I’ll always do the right thing or say the right thing, but I can promise to love you with all my heart, every day, forever.”

Her vows to Jack were short, but they’d taken her forever to write. She’d spent hours sitting at Aaron’s desk in the new den, pen in her hand, lit only by the warm yellow desk lamp.

“What are you working on in here?” Aaron came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder.

“It’s a secret.” Nevertheless, she made no attempt to cover her project, and she waited as he skimmed through her scribbles and revisions. Three sentences. I need to give my stepson better than three sentences. What else was there to say to the most important child in her life?

“Are you writing vows for Jack?”

Y/N nodded and twisted in her chair. “I won’t do it if you think it's dumb or –“

She was interrupted by a firm, almost desperate, kiss. “It’s a great idea. He’ll love it.”

Jack jumps into her arms and Aaron snags her arm as she’s thrown off balance. White dress be damned, she sits on the cold stone of the patio with Jack more than halfway in her lap.

“I’m glad you’re my momma.” He says it so quietly she almost missed it.

“What should Jack call me after we’re married? I’m not sure I want him to call me by my first name anymore, but I also don’t think I should be Mom, for Haley’s sake.”

Aaron sighed, tightening his arms around her. It’s nearly midnight, and the darkness is like a blanket cast over the bedroom. Aaron’s such a finicky sleeper – requiring total darkness – that with the curtains drawn, she could barely see him.  “You are and will be the closest thing he has to a mother. Don’t worry about replacing Haley. Do you have any preliminary ideas?”

“I’m thinking momma, or even something in another language. In Hebrew, mother is Ima, or the Polish Matka, that kind of thing.”

He was quiet for a moment, thinking. “I really like momma for you.”

She shifts to kiss his bare shoulder. It’s a silent thanks.

Aaron’s crying now, as is Dave, JJ, and Penelope. Derek is barely keeping it together, and Emily passes tissues with one hand while the other is wrapped in Spencer’s. They’re all together, safe and sound.

Y/N is openly weeping, one hand stroking Jack’s hair and the other rubbing back and forth between his shoulder blades.

“I love you so much, baby. So so much.”

She looks up over Jack’s shoulder to Aaron, who offers her a hand. She takes it and rises, keeping a hand on Jack. Both she and Aaron take a big breath and wipe their eyes.

Derek passes the rings to Aaron, who passes them to Jack.

Jack slips one of the rings on his father’s finger – a simple silver band with four small diamonds. Aaron presses a kiss to his son’s head and turns him gently by the shoulders to face Y/N once more.

When she holds her hand out, Jack slips the silver ring and twists it so it locks in with her engagement ring. Together, the rings create an intertwined diamond setting. The insides of the bands have all of their initials in raised letters on it, designed to leave an indent in the skin whenever the ring is removed. They designed the rings as a family, making it all the more special.

“By the power vested in me by the great state of Virginia, and the internet, I now pronounce you married!” Penelope bounces on her toes and grins.

Aaron raises an eyebrow at her, and she laughs.

“Oh my god just kiss her already.”

Aaron takes Y/N’s face between his hands and presses a sweet, chaste kiss to her lips. Their family whoops and hollers around them. His hands fall to her abdomen and rest protectively around her. When they part, they press their foreheads together, eyes closed. She brings Jack close to her and they stand there as a unit for a moment, basking in the joy of the moment.

+++

Their first dance as a couple is slow and quiet. They hardly move, just shifting back and forth together, only loosely connected to the music. Pair by pair, their family joins them on the dance floor as the songs change.

Derek and Penelope are first, all at once playful and intimate. JJ and Spencer are next, but only after they hang Henry and Jack’s blazers over a chair and situate them with a soccer ball on the grass. Will abstains from the dancing for now, playing goalkeeper to Jack’s forward.

Emily and Dave join in once their wine glasses are empty. Everyone is flush with alcohol or joy or both.

Y/N has one arm looped around Aaron’s shoulder and the other wrapped in his hand over his heart. He quietly sings along to the music, his cheek pressed to her temple. She looks up and him and kisses him softly. His lips trail to the sensitive spot behind her ear and his warm breath makes her voice catch in her throat.

“I love you.”

She feels his smile against her skin. “I know.”

+++

tagging: @arganfics​ @quillvine​ @stxrryspencer​ @agenthotchner​ @hurricanejjareau​ @fics-ilike​ @octothorpetopus​ @ange-must-die​ @ughitsbaby​ @rousethemouse​ @criminalsmarts​ @dr-reid-ismyspiritanimal​ @icantswimhalp​ @genevievedarcygranger​ @ssaic-jareau​ @good-heavens-chris-evans 

[faejilly]

Let’s Go Steal Some... Magic?

This is entirely the fault of a prompt from the Hunter's Moon Discord: “A Leverage Shadowhunter crossover where Alec gets desperate enough to hire a band of good thieves who’re known for being able to steal back ANYTHING to steal back Magnus’ magic.” 

I take no responsibility whatsoever for any of this, but man, I had a great time writing it, so I hope you enjoyed reading it, too 😅 (With an extra thanks to @greentealycheejelly for double-checking it at least sort of made sense.) 

Alec knows more about the mundane world than most people realize. He may, in fact, have helped encourage the impression that he's ignorant; it's not like he's been impressed by most of what he knows, so it's easier to just... not deal with it when he doesn't have to.

But there's nothing anyone in the Shadow World can do about this, so maybe... maybe it's time to try something else.

Only he's not sure where to start. He's going to have to ask for help.

Not his favorite thing, but. This is for Magnus. He'd do worse for Magnus.

Lindsay's probably his best bet, she's the one who tracks the bots and AIs that the Clave has keeping as much of an eye on the internet as anyone can manage, hoping to catch those mundanes who might cross the line from figuring out that what they're seeing is because of the Sight, into trying to do something like summoning demons or playing with dark magic.

Her reports on some of the conclusions their machine learning algorithms come up with are sometimes the highlight of his week. He liked the one that tried to figure out which folk songs were based on real adventures with the Seelie and Unseelie Courts versus the ones written by people who'd drank too much or gotten stuck in a cabin in the middle of nowhere for a longer than usual winter.

So he asks her to come see him. She looks, unsurprisingly, deeply nervous when he closes his office door behind her, and he sighs as he sits down in one of the armchairs rather than behind his desk. "I need your help, please."

She doesn't look any comforted by that comment, but she sits across from him, and refrains from either glaring or babbling, so that's something.

"I need." He stops. He's not sure what he needs. "I need to think outside the box, and as the current box is Edom and the entire Shadow World is pretty convinced that that's an impossible box to open—" Alec stops, realizing his metaphors got slightly more tangled than he'd intended. "I think I need someone who is in the know but still mostly mundane, so they're not stuck on the same preconceptions the rest of us are?"

Linday blinks at him. She clearly didn't follow that.

He frowns, but she doesn't get more tense, so at least she figured out he's frowning at himself rather than her.

Clary might have given him multiple migraines and almost as many heart attacks, but she'd barrelled through things he'd thought inviolable just because she didn't know any better, and he could use some of that, right about now.

"Magnus traded his magic to a Greater Demon in order to banish Lilith's demon, and..." He trails off again. And I have to do something about it, but the only thing I can think of is trying to negotiate with said Greater Demon myself and that's a clusterfuck of epic proportions just waiting to happen.

He'll do it, if he has to, he knows this, but that should probably be a last resort, not the first attempt.

"You want to steal it back?" Lindsay's voice cracks half way through the words, and he doesn't blame her, that sounds more insane than anything even Clary would attempt, but...

He hadn't actually framed it that way himself, and he should have. She's probably right, and that is exactly the sort of thinking he needs.

"Do you think that's possible?" He tilts his head, spreads his hands in something that's almost a shrug. "I know there are Sighted thieves, and there's a thriving grey area of mundane and Downworlder interactions with magic that don't usually end up with dead bodies or demons so we don't do anything about them."

Lindsay frowns back at him, but she looks like she's thinking, so he waits.

"Well." She starts, stops again. "There is this hacker..."

Alec blinks. "I don't think the Prince of Edom keeps his stolen magic in a server."

Lindsay snorts, and rolls her eyes at him. "Ha, ha. Sir."

Alec shrugs, and waits.

"There's a warlock, Edda White. She fosters mundane children, usually ones that lost their parents to the Shadow World, or who have the Sight."

"And she's a hacker?" That's an odd combination of jobs, but he supposes it's something one could do from home while keeping an eye on a bunch of presumably traumatized children.

He wonders if there's anything they could do to help her out. Unofficially. Or officially? The Clave really should stop pretending the Shadow World's completely separate from the mundane world, no one believes that.

"No." Lindsay shakes her head. Pauses. "Well, yes, but she's not the hacker I was thinking of, I meant one of her kids."

"If said kid's already in the Shadow World, that's defeating my outside of the box request." He's not really trying to argue with her, he's just not sure where she's going.

"Sir." Lindsay levels a stare at him. It's not as good as the ones his mother or sister can pull off, but it's not half bad.

"Sorry."

Lindsay nods, and adjusts her glasses. "He's Sighted, and he's active on some of the forums the Clave tracks, helps people find resources or contacts, which is how I know about him, but he works in the mundane world. With a team of thieves who have pulled off some really impossible jobs."

"Edom impossible?"

"No, but you said you needed some creative thieves, and they're arguably the best in this world." That is something the Clave would know, just because the few truly occult artifacts the mundane world knows about tend to be expensive, so they attract the attention of the worst sorts of people and the best sorts of thieves... who then attract the attention of the Clave, to make sure no one actually tries to use the things they've stolen. "It's a place to start."

Alec nods. It is, and that's all he asked for; he hopes it's enough. "What's his name?"

Lindsay shrugs. "No idea, but I do know how to get a message to his team. They've an open call out for people who need help and don't have anywhere else to turn."

Alec feels his lips twitch with reluctant amusement. "That certainly fits this situation, doesn't it."

Lindsay concedes with a small nod. "I'll reach out, and let you know what they say."

"Thank you."

She nods again, slightly less smoothly, as if she's not sure what to do with gratitude, though he's not sure if it's because it's him personally or the Head of her Institute in general, and slips away to get to work.

Alec closes his eyes, and lets out a sigh, and tries to hold onto the flicker of hope in his chest.

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe this is what he needs; maybe this is what Magnus needs.

Please.

***

Hardison blinks at the email he just opened.

He double checks the sender's address, and IP, and everything else he can think of to confirm it's not somehow a joke or a scam or something, but as far as he can tell by every test he can think up, it's genuine.

Leverage just got a fucking email from a Nephilim. On behalf of the goddamned Head of the New York Institute.

He pokes his computer screen, as if that'll make it disappear or something.

It doesn't.

Which is probably good, he's Sighted, not a warlock, if he started making the world change outside of a computer, he'd be in deep shit.

The email's surprisingly straightforward, in contrast to their usual potential clients, the Shadow World in general, and everything he's ever heard about Shadowhunters in particular. Shadow Hunters? Shadowhunters? He's not sure he's ever had to write that word out, he wonders which is considered proper grammar.

Holy shit, he's distracting himself with grammar.

He calls his Nana.

"I got an email about Alec Lightwood and Magnus Bane."

"Fuck."

Hardison pulls his phone away from his head and stares at it for a moment before he can handle that. "Did you just swear at me?"

"Not at you, baby." He can practically hear her roll her eyes at him. "I was old enough to swear before your grandma was a gleam in her daddy's eyes, and you know it."

Yes, but you don't, Hardison almost says out loud, not around your babies, you don't, but he swallows it down. "Some Nephilim is asking for help from us, from my team. Do you think it's legit?"

She hums, some melody he's never been able to track down or place, never heard from anywhere or anyone else, and he's glad that that's normal at least. Nana's thinking noise is exactly what he hears in his head whenever he's trying to crack a particularly tough system.

"I do. New York's gone through some shit, and I've heard some rumours about Magnus..." She trails off. "Lightwood's reputation is pretty solid, I think he'd stretch those Nephilim Laws as far as he could, if he thought it was worth it."

"Should I take the meeting then?"

Nana pauses, but she doesn't hum this time. She's not thinking, she wants to make sure he is. "You'd have to tell your team what sort of meeting it really is."

Hardison's whole body tenses up along with his face as he scrunches his eyes as closed as he can get them. He wonders if Parker and Eliot really are part-fae, like he's always thought. They've both got more than a touch of the other when he looks at them out of the corner of his eyes, and it would certainly explain how hard they are to injure, how easily they lean into each other's space, as if they've never before found someone that makes some weird sixth sense relax.

Then again, he loves them enough it might just be his own aura sparking in the way.

He wonders, if they are just a little magic, if either of them know, and just don't think they can tell him.

He wonders if they'll be mad to realize he's kept a secret from them all these years, or if they'll be hurt.

"Yeah," he sighs, and opens his eyes back up. "Don't suppose I could get a family dinner to help uh... illustrate my point?"

Nana laughs, but it's sharper sounding than usual. "If New York's as messed up as I've heard you don't have much time. Tonight good?"

Damn.

This is clearly more serious than he'd thought, and he wonders what he's missed, busy focusing on his mundane life rather than the Shadow World.

"I guess it has to be. Thanks."

Nana doesn't bother to say anything else before she hangs up on him.

He turns around, and no he does not scream, that was just a gasp, and Parker and Eliot are in the doorway, both of them staring at him.

Check mark in the supernatural column.

He smiles at them.

They don't smile back.

Hey guys, want to meet my Nana, the centuries old warlock who taught me how to see demons so they wouldn't eat me?

Yeah. That's gonna go over well.

"Don't suppose either of you believe in magic?"

Eliot does that thing where he's not frowning but is really obvious about how he's refraining from frowning so it actually feels worse than if he'd just scowled at you. "You mean science we can't explain yet, or actual magic?"

Hardison tilts his head and hands with an eh maneuver. "Vampires and werewolves and fairies, oh my?"

Parker shrugs. "Archie always said he thought I was a changeling, does that count?"

Hardison shakes his head, and sees Eliot frown for real, and knows they both wish they'd been harder on Archie when they had him in their sights. "Yes, but that's a terrible thing for him to have said."

"Why?" Parker comes into the room proper to perch on the edge of the table extending out from his desk. "If it's the truth?"

"Because he didn't think it was true," Eliot answers, his voice low and rough. "He was using it to pretend it was okay for him not to take care of you."

Parker rolls her eyes; they've had this argument before. "But if he'd tried, I wouldn't have realized how much better at it you are."

Eliot jerks, like his whole body just tried to shut-down. Hardison can't even appreciate how remarkable that is, because he's too busy feeling his brain stutter right in sync.

"What?" Parker did that are you being stupid or did I make less sense than usual? face of hers, eyes a little squinty and shoulders just starting to hunch.

"Thank you, baby girl." Hardison manages, before she thinks it's the second. "I'm still gonna be mad at him for not trying though."

She frowns, as if she thinks that's dumb, but shrugs, clearly having decided that that's just the way it is. "So does that mean you think he was right, even though he didn't know it?"

"Uh." Hardison does a whole body shrug, because he's not sure why he ever thinks his conversations with these two are gonna go the way he intends. "I have no idea, but it wouldn't surprise me? You're uh. Better at things than most humans. You both are."

"Huh." Eliot says, but not like he disagrees. "But neither of us have a problem with steel or cold iron or whatever it is."

Hardison stares at him.

"What." Eliot stares back, and Hardison can't tell if he's fucking with him on purpose or not. Damn Eliot and his poker face.

"Did you say that because you know things, or because you read fairy tales when you can't sleep?"

Eliot's face looks like he wants to say damnit Hardison but doesn't want to give Hardison the satisfaction.

"Second one, got it."

"Kindaalwaysthoughtitwasaliensanyways." Eliot mutters.*

Hardison is pleased to note that Parker joins him in giving Eliot the look.

Eliot crosses his arms in front of his chest, and looks back, and Hardison sighs. He's right, they don't have time for that right now. "We are revisiting this," Hardison says, pointing at Eliot. "But first we're going to Nana's for dinner."

Parker actually literally squeaks, and he can't tell if she's excited or nervous. "Is she a fairy too?"

"No, and they prefer Seelie or Unseelie, depending on which Court they were born into, but you know, that's a whole separate thing we also don't have time for right now. Nana is a warlock which means she can do magic and she's immortal which I know sounds like more fairy things because they are practically immortal and also do magic, but I swear it's not."

It's his turn to be getting the look from both of them, and he stops. Starts again. "So. Uh. Demons? Totally a thing?"

Eliot sighs, and finally stops lurking as his shoulders relax into something more like at-home-Eliot rather than working-Eliot. "You made a multi-media presentation, didn't you?"

Hardison opens his mouth, and shuts it again. He did, like three different times, and he keeps deleting it and starting over, but he supposes that might be one way to go in order without thinking about Nana swearing and the email and trying to jump to angels are real and angel-blooded people kill demons and the Head of the New York Institute wants our help! before that means anything to anyone.

"Ooh." Parker sits up straighter. "Should I go get some popcorn?"

"Why not." Hardison can't help the smile, doesn't even try. "We'll have a proper briefing in five."

***

Magnus is not entirely sure why Alec invited him to his office, it's not like I can help with missions anymore, and seeing Alec sitting on the edge of his desk wringing his hands when he walks in the door doesn't calm his nerves any.

"Magnus!" Alec looks up, and his smile's not any more comforting than the wringing hands were.

"You're here."

"You asked me to be here." Magnus offers, and makes himself walk further into the office. He's not sure what else to say, and just lifts an eyebrow in Alec's general direction.

Alec shrugs, and bites his lip as he shifts his weight, and then suddenly his tension melts away and he's standing at parade rest and oh, whatever this is, it's clearly important. "I did."

Magnus holds up one finger, turns around to close and lock the door behind him, and faces Alec again.

Alec offers him a crooked almost smile, much more sincere than the last one, and the tension between Magnus' shoulder-blades eases a little, though it definitely doesn't go away. "I have a potentially terrible idea, but it's for you, so it's your choice to make, not mine."

Oh.

Magnus considers that, nods to himself, and goes to sit on the couch. He lifts his head, and makes himself meet Alec's eyes. "All right."

"I want to hire some... consultants, to see if there's a way to get your magic back without having to try and make another deal with Asmodeus."

Magnus doesn't move. He doesn't even blink. If he had his magic he'd probably blow up the chair next to him. "No."

Alec's shoulders slump. "Magnus."

"No." Magnus stands up, his hands clenched and his jaw too tight and he wants to scream, but he doesn't. "Asmodeus is too dangerous."

"And he's going to be less dangerous later if with your magic he can overthrow Lilith while she's still weak from the Mark of Cain?" Alec's voice is quiet, but even so Magnus can barely hold in the wince. "Do you really think he'll be more inclined to stay quietly in his own Realm without interfering with the rest of us if she's no longer there to keep him in check?"

Magnus swallows, refuses to think about the things he did at his father's side the last time Asmodeus freely wandered around Earth. "You said this was for me."

"It is!" Alec's voice and hands lift, and then he stops, his arms drop. He's holding himself so tightly it looks like he's a breath away from shattering. "I would sacrifice anything to help you Magnus, just like you did to stop Lilith, to save Jace, but that doesn't mean helping you isn't also doing my job."

Magnus can't move, can barely breathe.

He exhales, long and slow, and closes his eyes.

He can't argue that, because if he did, it would make everything he'd done to save Jace, to stop Lilith, all of it, for nothing. They can't let either Lilith or Asmodeus take over Edom without the other, can't afford the risk of that much power being concentrated in one person. Demon.

Monster.

Magnus opens his eyes again, and somehow Alec can tell, Alec can always tell, and he's right there, reaching out to cup Magnus' jaw in his warm hands before kissing him, soft and sweet. "Thank you."

Magnus huffs out a breath, and leans in to rest against the warmth of Alec's chest. "Thank you. So who are these... consultants then?"

"Um." Magnus tilts his head enough to look at Alec, who's looking at the ceiling as if too embarrassed to meet Magnus' gaze. He rolls his lips in tight, then pops his mouth open and sighs. "Thieves?"

"What." Magnus steps back, so he can glare properly. And also enjoy the way Alec's squirming, because it's not often Alexander gets tongue-tied around him anymore, and if he's going to go through with this insanity, he might as well try and get some enjoyment out of it. "You. Want to steal my magic back?"

"I mean, that seems slightly more likely than negotiating it out of a Greater Demon?" Alec shrugs, and rubs the back of his neck, and his mouth twists before his whole body sags with a sigh. "I don't know, but I certainly don't know how to get it back without risking Asmodeus pulling one over on us, do you?"

"But you think your thieves might?" Magnus can't help it, his voice cracks.

"Not my thieves." Alec shrugs again. "Lindsay found them, and Edda White said she could portal them to us whenever we come to an agreement on a meeting time and place."

"Edda?" He stops again. Edda, who fosters mundane children and likes to play with computers and has the weirdest running bet with Catarina about the stupid excuses they've used to convince mundanes that the magic they just saw wasn't really magic... "Mundane thieves?"

"Well, anyone in the Shadow World would start already convinced that it was impossible, wouldn't they?"

Magnus can't argue with that, either, and this is the weirdest conversation he's possibly ever had, and that's saying something, considering the number of times he's been high or drunk and determined to not let it stop him from doing... well. Anything. "Huh," is all he manages. "That. Almost makes sense."

Alec grins. "I know, weird, huh."

Magnus' chest aches, because oh, he hasn't seen that sort of look on Alec's face since they found out about Jace, before Magnus went to Edom, before he lost...

Before they lost so much.

Magnus laughs, and Alec's grin widens, a glint in his eyes as if he's as delighted and surprised as Magnus is to realize they're both actually looking forward to this. "Let's go meet some thieves."

[youarejesting]

Key

Genre: [♤] = Angst                  [♧] = Adventure/Action  [♔] = Crack/Comedy  [♡] = Fluff  [❁] = Fantasy              [♢] = Thriller/Scary [☆] = Mature themes   [★] = Smut [➵] = Trigger warnings

Status:       [✎] = Projects             [✉] = Request   [✓] = Complete            [X] = Incomplete    [  ] = Coming soon       [∞] = On going

[Sitting in their/your lap]  ☆♤♡♔

[Saying another name]  ☆★♡♔ 

[Wearing their/your clothes]  ☆♡♔

[Fidgeting]  ☆★

[Getting your Period]  ☆

[Crying]  ♤♡♔

[Singing/rapping/dancing]

[Getting hard] ☆★

[Favorite part of you]  ☆★

[Thigh Riding]  ☆★

[Pregnancy Reveal] ☆★♡♔

[Perfect]  ♡♔

[Walking in on them]  ☆★♡♔

[Walking in on you]  ☆★♡♔

[Being walked in on together]  ☆★♡♔

[Significant other is CEO]  ♡♔♤

First time for them  ☆★♡♔

First time for you  ☆★♡♔

Honeymoon night  ☆★♡♔

Star Signs:

Star signs as [RunBTS] Star signs as [BTS songs] [Part 2]

[BTS Text Imagines]

[Bangtan Sonyeondan and the Purple Magic]

BTS go to Hogwarts 

[BTS Birthday - One Wish]  ♡♣️

[Kisaeng]  ♡♣️☆♔➵✎

[Mall Santa] NJxJMxReader ♡♔✎

[Cold]  ❁♤☆♢♧➵

[Lost Boys]  ❁♡♤☆♢♧➵

[The Check-up]  ☆➵ [A Very Bad Day]  ♡♤♔✉  [Soul Food]  ♡♤♔✉❁ [Jinnie]  ♡♤♔❁♧ [Side Dishes]  ♢❁✎ [Even the cake is in tiers] ♡♤♔❁♧

1. [Music is the spark that sets my soul on fire]  ♡✉✓            2. [Dance is the celebration of the flame]  ♡✉✓ [Baby girl]  ♡✉ [Bonnie and Clyde] Mafia au ♡♤☆♢♧✉ [Royal Pain]  ❁♡♧✎ [SEA]  ♡♤☆♧♔➵

[Feel Better]  ♡♧  [Blue Side]  ♤❁➵ [Steal my sunshine]  ♧✎ [I wish there were more good days] ♡♤✎

[Peace]  ♡✉ [Pizza]  ♡✉ [The bomb]  ☆♤♡♧♔♢➵ [Pandemonium]  ☆♤♡❁ [Namjoon the giant and his tiny friend] ♡♤❁ [Talk is Cheap]

[Death need no invitation]  ☆★♤♡❁➵  (same storyline as [Me and the ghost in number 23] but a one-shot instead of chapters) [Herb] [Herb.2]☆★♡♤♔➵ [Kitten]  ☆★✉ [Beach]  ☆★✉ [Wild space]  ☆♡❁ [Daylight]  ♡♤♔♧❁ [I Kendo it]  ♡♤♔♧ 

[Horror movies]  ♡♔ [Love Listening] [Part 2]  ☆★♤♡➵ [Stars]  ♡✉ [Dangerous]  ♡✉ [Um...]  ♡✉ [Like real people do]  ♡✉❁  [Video games] ☆★✉ [Salad]  ☆★✉ [Ramen]  ☆★✉   [Temptation] ☆★✉ [Mad]  ☆★♤♡♢➵

[I will wait (Some say)]  ♤♡ [Dude]  ♡✉ [Stretch]  ♡✉ [Icecream]  ♡✉ [Autism]  ♡✉ [Lap] Mafia au  ☆★♤✉    [Jealous]  ♡♤✉ [Actions Speaker Louder Than Words] [Part 2] [Part 3] ♡♤✎

[WAITING FOR YOU ANPANMAN!] ♡☆♔❁♧♤

Your life may be considered a little unsavory, but you would call it dangerously cozy. When a group of crime fighting young men put your plans on hold. Over run with criminals they work to protect the innocent and stop these malicious acts of violence.

[I’m Dead]  ☆★♤♡❁♔✓➵

Woken one night by memories of the past you meet a mysterious man on your balcony. He is cocky and charming and you find yourself swept up in something that is bigger than you can imagine. Why? Because he is death. And because your meeting is long overdue.

[Curse]  ♡♤❁♔✓

A modern-day fairy tale whereby seven young princes born under King Bang’s greed cannot find true love. Unless they break a special spell, called the ‘Bang curse’. In order to break the curse, Prince Seokjin must be loved by a ‘Blue’ blood, by a royal. That seems almost impossible when you have a pig nose. (based off the movie Penelope)

[Wash Out]  ♤♡❁♔♧✓

Taehyung and his best friend Y/N are Dolphin trainers at Wash Out; Marine Wildlife and Theme Park. When the nerdy marine biologist and resident veterinarian Doctor Kim Namjoon goes missing; the two friends form a ragtag team with Taehyung's rival Seokjin and a…. Fish?

[Midnight Circus]  ☆♤♧  

Traveling through the back alleys is the midnight circus. Step inside and fill your curiosity by gazing at the freaks of the night. IF YOU DARE.

[Family Secrets]  ☆★♤♡♔♧

Suga is a spy who threw away his name years ago. His latest mission requires maximum stealth he must find a wife, child and house. Taehyung aka 103899V is a child who has been the subject of extensive experiments and can now read minds, and you, you are a hitman. Each of you must keep your secrets from one another. A truly one of a kind family. (inspired by ‘Spy x Family’.)

[Choices]  ☆♤♡❁♔♧

Soulmate Au

[Quarantine]  ☆♤♡➵✓  ( ★ in separate marked chapters)

ALERT! The city has shut down!

While you happen to be visiting the BigHit building. The government puts out an Alert across the entire Seoul area. Banning anyone from stepping outside, while they disinfect the streets. But you aren’t alone, you happen to meet the international Kpop boy group ‘Bangtan Sonyeondan’.

[Femme Ft. BigBang, TXT, NCT, BLACKPINK]  ☆♡★♤♔✓  

(Femme is french for female. I mean NO offense to any of my fellow LGBTQIA+ community when I use this term) The Year is 3019. Some Females (Femme) were preserved cryogenically in an effort to prevent extinction. Using Elite computer algorithms a Femme is matched with her Male applicants to find the perfect match. Male applicants are usually selected whilst in school and housed together to create trust before they are matched with their femme. It is common for a Femme to be paired with 3-5 applicants due to the shortage and the compatibility between each. But you, you have 7.

[Me and the ghost in Number 23] ☆★♤♡❁➵✓  

(the same storyline as Death need no invitation just extended into chapters instead of a one-shot)  Moving into your new apartment on the dance academy campus, you hear is haunted. You practice your routines with the ghoulish resident in the second bedroom. Things get heated, except you know ghosts are cold. so…

[Witching Ft. Monsta X]  ☆♤❁♧✓

After your brother goes missing, you find yourself in Seoul with nothing but a prosthetic limb as the only clue to what might have happened. Circumstances lead you to a coven of seven handsome young men. But they happen to be a well-known coven that goes by the name ‘Bangtan Boys’.

[Tiny Tan - Limited Edition]  ♔❁♧♡✓

It is your first time buying proper merchandise, there are new chibi figurines and the first person to order will receive a limited edition set. But what happens when BTS have gone missing without a trace and a few days later you receive your package. The box says congratulations, you open to find your limited edition figures, they look so lifelike. OH WAIT! it’s cause they are.

[Light it up]  ♔❁♧♡☆✓

In Bightville there is never any nonsense, the scariest thing one might face is tripping at the roller-disco. But, when you move to the small town, crazy things start to happen. Suddenly people are going missing without any leads. It’s when your neighbour Seokjin goes missing that things get serious because now his friends suspect you!

[BTS Among Us] ♔❁♧♡♢☆♤➵✓

You have a crew of 11, well now 10. The captain has been killed. Whatever it is doesn’t appear to be human but from the evidence you gathered, whatever it is, is pretending to be one of you. Who is it and why?

[BTS 365 Prompts] ☆★♡♤♔❁♧➵✓

Seven boys. Seven days a week. 365 prompts. Find your birthday and read your special prompt. (feel free to use them.)

[MANIA]  ☆★♤❁✓

At eighteen everyone takes a blood test to find out their blood types. A, B, or O. Each blood type represents the person’s secondary gender Alpha, Beta or Omega and can be Dominant (+) or Recessive (-). When small thin Yoongi receives his letter he doesn’t expect A+. He knew there was no way he was an Alpha especially not a dominant.

[Hope in the Sheets]  ☆♡★♤♔➵

You held many titles: his neighbour, colleague, wingman… well, more likely a wing-woman, yet most importantly, you were his best friend. You had been friends since you were born. Between the two of you, you were younger; barely, but he never let you forget it. He always seemed to ruffle your hair and tease you, which could get rather annoying but he made up for it by treating you to things. What if a drunken one night stand between you and your best friend Hoseok leads to more complicated situations? Your reckless twenties are cut short as you find yourself suddenly responsible for something a little more.

[Sly like a... ?] ♧♔❁♡♤X (☆★ in seperate marked chapters)

Human’s strive to be better, faster and stronger looking to animal DNA. Thus Hybrids are born. As the rise for designer and Pedigree Hybrids increase, so do the failed attempts. There is one species scientists are unsuccessful in creating, but, folklore says they have been here all along, hiding and blending in with the humans for many millennia. How clever they are.

[Sparks of the Heart]  ☆★♡♤♔❁   

In a world where Humans live alongside humanoid computers. They can download software, use the Internet, send e-mails, or receive calls. A learning software helps mould their personality, habits, and knowledge, to make life much simpler. They must stay charged up in order to continue working properly. But there are a small few that are changing. Feeling.

[Seoul Mates]  ☆♡★♤♔∞

Finding your Soulmate is one thing trying to keep them in Seoul another. The Bangtan Boys each have a different Soulmate mark. Follow their journey to discover their other half.

Story request OPEN!

[BTS Asks]  ☆★♡♤♔➵∞

You ask, they answer.

[Jodo-Myeon National School of Magic]   No set storyline or story format.

[Incarceration]

The world's craftiest criminals held in the most expensive and elaborate prison. What do they do to capture your attention? 

[flyfireflyfly]

A Possibility

Length warning: 3400 words

Quality warning: I haven't done any writing in so long and it just feels weird doing this. Like something has to be wrong with the story, especially since I honestly have no idea how this managed to happen at 4am.

"I'm just saying that if the guy really was a big shot athlete in college who broke national records, then you would find at least one thing about him on the internet." You set the box of dishes you had been carrying on to the kitchen counter. Tamar rolled her eyes as she began filling one cupboard with cups. "I don't think the girl who has been pining over the same guy her whole life should be giving out relationship advice." You froze for just a second and then turned towards your friend to glare at her. She glanced at you before sighing. "Okay, sorry. That was a low blow." Smacking the counter angrily, she added, "Damn it I really like him." Turning away from you, you worked on putting away the plates. "Just confront him about it then. If he admits he lied to impress you, you can work with that and warn him not to do it again. If he sticks with his story, then you know he cares more about his image than about having an honest relationship." "Hmm..." she hummed, mulling over what you said. "Yeah I suppose that works." She grabbed her empty box and tossed it towards the other boxes waiting to be taken to the recycle. "Ready to get out of here and go shopping? I need to load up on snacks and booze if I'm gonna have a housewarming party." You tossed your own empty box away. "Only if you buy me lunch first. I'm starving." Tamar laughed at that and nodded. "Deal. As a 'thank you' for helping me move in."

As soon as you walked in to the restaurant, you waved at the server and headed over to the back booth. The place you and your friends always sat at when you came in. "Hey, the usual?" asked the server. "Yep." you answered and slid in to the booth. "Except change my fries to tater tots." Tamar piped up. The server raised his hand in acknowledgment as he wrote down the order. Then he passed it to the cook in the kitchen. Drumming your fingers on the table, you eagerly waited for your food and turned your attention to the window. It was a nice, sunny day that went well with your happy mood. Today was a good day your decided. Suddenly your eyes were covered and all you saw was darkness. A breath tickled your ear briefly and someone asked, "Guess who." A shiver went down your spine, but you ignored it. Instead you chuckled and rolled your eyes. As if you could ever mistake that voice. "Hi Yongguk." The man laughed and removed his hands from your eyes. "How'd you know?" he questioned as he slipped in to the booth to sit beside you. "Please. I've had to listen to that annoying voice for years." you told him. He barked out a laugh and shook his head. Then he turned to Tamar. "You settled in?" "Yes, finally!" She let out an exaggerated groan. "You gonna make it tonight, right?" "Of course." At that moment, the server brought over your meals. The food smelled absolutely heavenly and you quickly popped a french fry in to your mouth. A small moan escaped you, causing the guy next to you to chuckle. Then his had shot out towards your plate. You went to smack his hand but you were too late. He made off with a fry and hurriedly ate it. You glared at him and scooted a couple of inches away from him, taking your plate with you. Only for him to follow you while attempting to steal more of your food. "Mine!" you exclaimed with a small giggle. You kept smacking his hand while moving away until your side was pressed up against the wall. "Come on, share." He gave you a mischievous smile. Then he was right there beside you, his body touching yours as he trapped you in the corner. "Get your own." "But sharing is caring." "Who says I care?" That earned you another laugh from him and he slid away from you, giving you some space. Tamar shook her head. "You two are unbelievable." The sever appeared again with a to-go bag. "Here you go." he said and put the meal down in front of Yongguk before walking away. Yongguk stood and grabbed the bag. "Well, see ya guys tonight." Then he left and you resisted the urge to watch him walk out of the restaurant. "Girl." Tamar while giving you a pitiful look. "Don't." you hurriedly demanded, not wanting her nagging to sour your mood. "We're friends. That's it." Another sigh. "Fine." Turning your attention to your meal, you felt your mood shifting anyways as your mind filled up with Tamar's opinion about you and Yongguk. About how good the two of you would be together as a couple. A tiny part of you agreed, but you couldn't let yourself let that part be more than a passing thought. Yes, you had a crush on your best friend. Some would even say it was a 'major' crush, and you've been suppressing those feelings for years after flirting with him did nothing. It was obvious he didn't feel that way about you so you gave up. At first it wasn't easy and it hurt like hell to be around him. Time helped ease that pain though so now there was only a dull ache in your chest when you allowed those feelings to briefly surface. Shaking your head and pushing him out of your mind, you changed the topic to Tamar's party. The two of you made a plan on how many people were coming and everything that you needed to buy.

Well, at least you tried to plan for the party. More people than you were expecting showed up and you were dangerously close to running out of drinks. The snacks were gone an hour ago. Tamar didn't seem worried about it though as she danced to the music with some friends in the living room. You sat on the couch and watched her with a grin on your face, until she beckoned you to join them. "Uh, no." you said as she stretched both arms out towards you. "No, no, no, no." Your denial fell on deaf ears as she grabbed you and pulled you off the couch while laughing. She urged you to dance and you half-heartedly followed along, causing her to laugh more. Then there was loud knocking on the door and you quickly proclaimed, "Got it!" You escaped the make-shift dance floor and went to the front door. When you opened it, you smiled in relief to see Yongguk holding a large box that was overflowing with bags of chips. "I brought supplies." he said as he walked in. "Yes!" You turned towards the crowd. "More snacks on the way!" Several people cheered as you led Yongguk into the kitchen. He put the box on the counter and began emptying it. "I figured you didn't bother with some 'just-in-case' extras." You rolled eyes. "Yeah, yeah." You grabbed the empty bowls and began filling them with chips. Once they were full, the two of you carried the bowls out in to the living room and set them on the table that was pushed up against the wall. "Dancing time!" You turned to see Tamar beckoning for you to join her again as she slowly danced toward you. You turned towards Yongguk and desperately pleaded, "Save me." "Nope." Then he pushed you. You stumbled slightly as Tamar grabbed you. Giving in, you let her lead to back to the group of people dancing while glaring daggers at Yongguk. He merely smirked at you though. With a sigh, you decided to go with the flow and started dancing. It wasn't long until you were genuinely enjoying yourself. You weren't sure how many songs had played by the time you collapsed on to a chair. "Wimp!" You stuck your tongue out at Tamar before laughing. How in the world she was still dancing was beyond you. Your legs and your feet had had enough. Though a drink sounded wonderful and groaned like an old woman as you got back on your feet. You headed towards the kitchen and came to a sudden halt in the doorway. Yongguk was leaning against the counter and he wasn't alone. A girl stood next to him and by the way the two of them were smiling, you pretty sure they were flirting. Suddenly a phone went off, snapping you back to reality. You walked over to the fridge as Yongguk pulled his phone out of his pocket. "Hold that thought." he told the girl and answered the phone. He left the kitchen and you guessed he was going to the bedroom so he could talk privately. Looking at the drink selection, you momentarily eyed the liquor before settling on a soda. Then you closed the door and you jumped. The girl had moved to stand by you. "Sorry." she offered. "You're friends with Yongguk, right?" "Uh, yeah." you replied. She lifted her right hand to show the phone she was holding. "My ride's here. You think maybe you could give this to him?" With her left hand, she offered you a napkin. Scribbled on it was the name Jessica and a phone number. "Oh. Yeah. Sure." You took it and stuffed the napkin in to your pocket. "Thanks!" She beamed happily at you while blushing a little. Then she turned and left. With a heavy sigh, you closed your eyes to center yourself. This wasn't a big deal. Yongguk has had girlfriends before. Heck, you've even dated a couple of guys. The only reason it feels weird now is cause of Tamar constantly insisting that you and Yongguk should date. She was like a dog with a bone in her mouth. If only she'd just drop it. Ignoring the dull ache in your chest, you went back out to the party.

As the night went on, the party slowly died down until it was just you, Tamar, and Yongguk left. And you weren't sure how much longer they would last. They both sat on the floor, leaning against the couch, and it was obvious they might have had one two many beers. "Best night ever." Tamar stated with a lopsided grin. "Um, have you seen your apartment?" you asked and indicated the mess as you plopped down in front of them. She giggled and shook her head like a little kid. "I don't even care right now." Yongguk giggled as well and rolled an empty liquor bottle across the floor. All of a sudden Tamar sat up and fixed her gaze on you. "So, anyone catch your eye?" You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. "What?" She rolled her eyes. "Oh please. You had to have realized how many more guys there were here than girls." She smiled and lean towards you. "Did any of the single guys I invited catch your eye at all?" "Uhh..." Yongguk suddenly sat up as well. "Wait, was this a hook up party for her?" "And a housewarming. Two birds, one stone." she told him before turning back to you. "Well?" "Well?" Yongguk parroted, amusement in his eyes as he grinned at you. Feeling yourself blush a little, you shook your head. "I wasn't exactly looking for a date." Tamar sighed. "Damn girl. What am I going to do with you?" "Well if you would have said something beforehand." you told her. Then you noticed how she kept glancing between you and Yongguk. Dread welled up in your stomach as your heart started to race. "You know what..." She trailed off as if she was thinking about something that just came to her. "I think you two would look good together." A shock went through you as if someone had dumped a cold bucket of water on you. You gaped at her, not believing what she said. "Oh hell no!" exclaimed Yongguk. "That would be horrible." He gagged, as if the idea repulsed him, and then laughed. It was only when his laughter faded that you realized you hadn't reacted at all. You hurriedly smiled and forced out a laugh. "Uh, yeah. Horrible." The smile on his face started to slip though as he looked between you and Tamar. Several emotions flashed in his eyes. Amusement, confusion, disbelief, and then horror as he gaped at you. You looked away from him. "That reminds me." You dug the napkin out of your pocket and set it on the floor by him. "Jessica wanted me to give you this. You should call her." Standing up, you surveyed the living room. "I'm gonna start cleaning up." Then you went to the kitchen, pretending that you didn't hear Tamar call out your name. Going straight to the sink, you found the box of trash bags under it and grabbed a couple. You began to fill one with the empty bottles and chip bags. "Hey." You kept focused on your task. "What?" "He left." Tamar informed you. Sighing, you dropped the bag and ran your hands through your hair. "Fuck." "Sorry. I didn't..." You whipped around to face her. "Didn't what? I told you over and over again to drop it. Now look at what you did." "I just thought..." "No. Just stop." you told her. "He's been my friend for years and you fucked that up. Things will never be the same between us." Tamar stepped forward. "You don't know that." You scoffed. "Yeah, sure. Just look at the way he reacted." You mimicked his gag before giving her a dirty look. Then turned away from her and started cleaning up again. "Look, I.." "Drop it." you demanded, interrupting her. She didn't say another word as she grabbed the broom and went back in to the living room. You were very thankful that she listened to you this time. If she would have kept at it, you probably would have started yelling at her.

About twenty minutes later, you set the two trash bags down and looked around. "That everything?" "I think so." answered Tamar as she indicated for you to help her with the coffee table. You grabbed one end and together the two of you carried it to its rightful place. Stepping back, you looked around once more but didn't see anything out of place. "Let's get the trash out and call it a night." Tamar took one of the bags, leaving the other for you. "You can crash here if you want." Those magic words made your sore muscles throb. Between helping her finish moving in, all the dancing, and now the cleaning, it had been a long day. Well... that and the Yongguk disaster but that would have to wait another day. "Yeah thanks." you replied. You followed her to the front door and opened it to find a person standing there. Startled, she jumped back in to you though you barely noticed. Your heart leaped in to your throat as you stared at Yongguk. The man had his fist up, as if he was just about to knock. "Oh, sorry." He glanced at you but quickly looked away as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Um..." The three of you stood there in awkward silence for a moment before Tamar spoke up. "I'll just take these," she took the trash bag from you, "And you two can talk." She squeezed passed Yongguk while simultaneously pushing him into the apartment. Then she closed the door. If it was awkward before, now you didn't know what to call it. He could barely look you in the eye as he shifted uncomfortably. Sighing, you said, "Look, just forget about tonight, okay? It's not a big deal. And I meant what I said, you really should call Jessica. She seemed nice." That finally made him look at you with a surprise look on his face. "Huh? Oh.. yeah. Um... But..." He furrowed his eyebrows and licked his lips. Then he took in a deep breath and closed the distance between the two of you. Before you had a chance to do anything, he cupped your face with his hands and pressed his lips against yours. You were so shocked, all you could do was stand there. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. What the fuck was happening?? He pulled back and looked at you. "Okay this is weird, isn't it?" That jolted you from your mental panic and you swiftly stepped back from him. "What? I mean, yes. Yeah. It's weird. Why would you....?" You glared at him, anger rising in your chest. "I told you to forget about it. I don't need your pity." His eyes widened. "No, no, no. That's not.." "I said it's not a big deal and I meant it. You shouldn't.." He grabbed your arms, preventing you from moving further away. "That's not what I meant!" The words you were going to say died on your tongue as you gaped at him. "I just... I..." He let go of you to run his hands through his hair as he turned away from you. "Fuck." He took a couple of deep breaths before turning back to you. "It's weird cause I never thought that this could happen." "This?" "Yeah, this." He indicated the two of you. "Us. I never thought... And now I know that yeah, it's a possibility and I don't know what to do or how handle it or..." Your heartbeat sped up. A possibility. This was possible. "Let's try this again." He stepped closer and cupped your face once more. Then he kissed you a second time. When he pulled back, the two of you shared a look. A silent agreement passed between you and you gently put your hands on his arms. "Third time's the charm." he stated before kissing you once more. Something inside you bloomed, causing a rush of happiness to well up in you. This time when he pulled away, you couldn't help but smile. "There it is." he proclaimed, smiling as well. A small giggle escaped you. "Okay, yeah. It's weird." He stepped back and laughed. "Yes! Thank you!" Then he quickly closed the distance and wrapped his arms around you. You hugged him back, relishing his embrace. The sound of a door opening caused you both to jump back, separating the two of you. "Sorry, sorry." Tamar offered as she closed the front door. "Don't mind me, I'm not even here. Just turn off the lights." She swiftly fled the living room. That did you in and you dissolved in to a giggle fit. You couldn't stop. It also didn't help that Yongguk was hysterically giggling as well. The two of you started shushing each other, which of course turned out to be counter-productive. So you did the only other thing you could think of and kissed him. That did the trick, though the small moan he let out sent a shiver down your spine. "I'd say I'll walk you home, but I really don't want this night to end." he declared. You eyed the couch and looked at him. He seemed to have the same thought as he glanced at it as well. Taking your hand, he led you to the couch and when you sat down, he scooted closer so the two of you were pressed up against each other. This time, you didn't move away. "First thing's first." He shifted a little so he could look at you better. "No matter what happens, you'll always be my best friend." You sighed in relief. "That's exactly what I was afraid of. And, same. Always." He smiled. "Good. And... I don't have to call Jessica, do I?" You barked out a laugh before covering your mouth to silence yourself. "No. Absolutely not. I will end you." That made him laugh this time. "Good, good." Then he smirked. "You do realize this means I'm entitled to steal your fries." "Again, I will end you." He chuckled and shook his head. Then he pulled you in for another kiss, which you eagerly gave in to. The feeling of his soft lips against yours was heavenly. "Okay." you murmured. "The fry stealing is a possibility." "A possibility." he agreed before kissing you again.

[eventidedaydreamer]

What is everybody's strengths and weaknesses in your Bendy Au?

:) oh >:) okay

Joey Drew: 

Strengths 

he knows a lot of things, 

Intelligence

he can be very charming and can win people over easily, 

he’s the kind of person that you immediately like when you meet him, 

he knows how to leave a good impression.

If you actually get to know him he can be very bubbly and excitable.

Weaknesses 

he can’t read people, 

he’s brain smart but he isn’t emotionally smart, 

he doesn’t get it when someone shows emotions in a way he isn’t familiar with. 

He lashes out when he’s reminded of unpleasant things.

He knows how to turn everyone into ink creatures through sacrifice but he doesn’t stop to think if he should.

His coping mechanisms are not very healthy

Jealousy, clingy, its hard for him to consider that people can have more than one friend

Henry Stein:

Strengths 

He’s very tough (have you seen how much he falls?? and he’s OLD) 

Probably broke some bones when he was a kid so now he has stronger bones. 

He can handle a LOT of pain, 

he’s cool under stress and pressure, 

he’s a hard worker and a very talented artist.

He has a good memory

Weaknesses 

He has trouble expressing himself 

He’s a people pleaser and has a hard time saying no (something he’s worked on and is better about after he met his wife), 

He underreacts to things and overthinks a lot (overthinking is another thing he got better with after he met Linda)

Wally Franks:

Strengths 

One of the FRIENDLIEST people you will ever meet, 

and hes really really funny

He somehow knows everyone’s name even if he only met them once three years ago, 

It’s like he’s living life at a different speed because it seems like he spent the whole day with you but he also had time to see ten other people the same day?? 

He seems innocent and as if his perfect bubble of the world would pop if you mentioned something upsetting but the reality is he’ll listen to anything you need to get out and then give really good advice followed up with his usual humor.

He trusts that there is good in everyone and gives people second chances

Weaknesses 

He does really stupid things a lot

He’ll connect pipes wrong, resulting in later damage and messes

He’s always getting himself hurt, jumping too many stairs at once, making someone really angry and running for his life (Sammy’s the main one that’ll actually chase him down)

It’s like he has no sense of self-preservation 

(HOW IS HE NOT DEAD?!)

He is really trusting and some people take advantage of that

He opens himself up to everyone and forgives a little too easily

Sammy Lawrence:

Strengths

He knows how to stick up for himself and others

Hardworking

He is damn good at his job and won’t let you forget it

Sarcastic

Honest

Mature

He can hear the music as he’s writing it, feel it in his head when he sees sheet music

Very independent 

If he considers you a friend, he will go to extremes to get back at anyone that hurts you (Just ask Jack, he’s been friends with him the longest!)

It is unknown how many instruments Sammy can play, the band make guesses all the time and Jack is asked on a weekly basis but refuses to comment

its an ongoing discussion 

Determination, he’s the only one that will actually chase Wally til he catches him

Weaknesses

He’s angry almost constantly

The glass is half empty

Doesn’t hold back snide remarks (but if the remark is about music in some way you better listen there’s advice hidden somewhere)

Yelling, but it’s mostly just a very loud “WALLY FRANKS!” followed by running footsteps and Wally’s giddy laughter

I N S O M N I A C

constantly has bags under his eyes

A Perfectionist, Only the best can come from the office of Sammy Lawrence even if he forgets to eat while doing so

yeah thats another thing, he forgets about things like eating, sleeping, ya know, human things

He’s intimidating, the string of constant negativity doesn’t make many friends

Workaholic 

He’s become dependent on the few friends he has to break him out of his  work until its done mode and remind him to eat and sleep (Jack, Wally, Norman and Susie a little.)

because :) it would be a shame :) if one of them :)  went missing :) huh?

Susie Campbell:

Strengths

Hopeful and optimistic

Friendly

She has a really pretty face, shes really pretty in general

she gets a lot of attention because of it

shes tougher than she looks and uses it to her advantage

she is really clever

Flirty and a romantic 

an exciting storyteller, she can make a trip to the refrigerator sound interesting

Weaknesses

Possessive

she wants to hear all the gossip until its about her

is really jealous of the smallest things

she may seem like a little innocent flower but she’s the thorniest rose in the garden and you are growing a little too close to her

Alice Angel means everything to her, its the best way to distract her from anything else :)

the second best way is to mention her star-shaped birthmark/freckle

Norman Polk:

Strengths

Observant 

He’s very good at guessing things correctly

He seems to know something about everything and everyone

A really great listener

He also just has good hearing in general, easily eavesdrops 

Physically strong, he can lift anyone with ease

Wise and careful

he has some pretty sound advice in him if you ask for any

has a very good control on his temper and is calm and cool even in heated arguments or dangerous situations

a good people reader

is very understanding

Weaknesses

He’s scary, just how he likes it

People get the wrong ideas about him (He’s just sitting there! Is he watching me?)

to be fair, he might be

He doesn’t attempt to get to know people unless he sees a reason to

gets into other peoples business 

He’s always lookin’ for trouble

too curious for his own good

doesn’t talk about his feelings

Jack Fain:

Strengths

He’s so good at rhyming that he does it subconsciously on a regular basis

Creative

Empathetic

He’s not afraid to show emotion

Forgiving

Generosity

Gentle and soft

Humble

Patient

Selfless

Weaknesses

He can be really emotional a lot of the time

He spaces out a lot

he can seem like a crybaby

Doesn’t take credit for things he should

Lies about how he really feels to make other people comfortable, he doesn’t want to be a bother

puts himself down to make other people look better

Really shy

doesn’t stick up for himself

too passive

worries a lot

Johnny:

Strengths

He really loves his job

He’s a romantic at heart

very sweet and considerate

Loyal and devoted

Sees the best in people

Weaknesses

He falls in love way too easily

ignores flaws even when they’re concerning

can easily become an emotional mess

fears being rejected more than anything else (bro just love him he’s too sweet)

Shawn Flynn:

Strengths

He’ll tell someone off when they’ve done something wrong

believes in karma and justice

likes sewing while he’s talking/doing something else

really good at multitasking

Luck of the Irish

like he misses getting injured by mere inches

this makes him the perfect Go and Do Something Stupid companion with Wally

He’s really proud of his heritage and his work

Weaknesses

Shouts a lot

He can be too prideful and overconfident

isn’t into mercy or forgiveness 

can and will turn anything into a rivalry if its the last thing he does!!

the downside to being his friend is that its dangerous to hug him because he puts needles through his clothes so he can find them later

he says its built in protection

and Wally says ow

Thomas Connor:

Strengths

He’s been good with anything technical since he was little and only got better at it with age 

Honorable

Hardworking

Mature

Weaknesses

He believes in a one strike and you’re out ideal, leaving him to not trust some genuinely nice people (but he also doesn’t trust some questionable people so he sees it as justifiable)

Reserved, doesn’t attempt to get to know anyone

he can work too hard

Pessimistic

Allison Pendle:

Strengths

Boy can she give an inspirational speech

She’s very generous

Brave 

Levelheaded

She’s a lot stronger than she looks

you should hear her belt out a song

Weaknesses

prefers to fix other peoples problems rather than deal with her own

she’s really competitive 

she gets herself hurt a lot

can be a little too fierce

Grant Cohen:

Strengths

Math, he’s good at math

he was like yeah i can do numbers I’ll be an accountant! (bro im sorry u got Joey as a boss)

He’s a good singer (which seems random unless you know)

Weaknesses

A N X I E T Y

really cannot talk to anyone

his words get all jumbled up

if he had the internet he’d constantly be searching things like, how to explain to your boss that his decisions are putting the company in dept? how do you stand up to your boss?

has bad panic attacks

Bertrum Piedmont:

Strengths

He’s super confidant

Not afraid to get his hands dirty

Even though he almost always is dressed up nice

He makes sure he looks presentable

He acts like a dad to people he likes

Cultured

Very determined 

He can and will do anything out of spite and you can’t stop him because that will only give him more reason to

Weaknesses

Really prideful, gets offended over little things

is pretty arrogant as well

it’s really hard for him to change his mind after he’s made a decision 

refuses to lose, even if it’s really obvious that he has

he can be condescending 

doesn’t like or participate in humor, he’s always deadly serious

He can be over dramatic a lot

Lacie Benton:

Strengths

nothing seems to surprise her

calm and chill

a really good listener, the kind that you know can keep a secret

doesn’t take herself too seriously or anyone, (Bertrum finds her company to be one of his favorites after he figures that out)

shE WEARS WHATEVER SHE WANTS BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOUR OPINION SHE JUST LIKES WEARING PANTS

Weaknesses

stays quiet about important things, she ain’t no snitch, who cares if she witnessed someone stealing something

Super apathetic about life

kinda isolated (Norman says hi)

Lazy but only because she can do it really fast and well so you can wait for her

Linda Stein:

Strengths

It’s a good thing she’s so confidant else Henry would have just looked at this pretty lady and never introduced himself

shes like really good at gardening, talk about a green thumb!

Affectionate 

knows when to be gentle and when someone needs tough love

and shes good at distributing both

shes so brave

Eager and excited easily

super patient 

Understanding

Weaknesses

she can come off as too forward and a little too fast

can get a little frazzled

Forgetful (Henry helps with that)

she doesn’t want to invade anyone’s boundaries but doesn’t ask what they are so its a tug of war within her

Sorry this took so long, I wanted to really think about it and do it justice! :D

[crstapor]

Terror White

“You’re either with us or against us.” - George W. Bush


1.

On January 6th, 2021, domestic terrorists invaded the Capital Building in an act of political insurrection. Their intent was to overthrow the will of the people by preventing certification of a free and fair democratic election. They did so at the behest of their political leader (who was impeached a second time for inciting this gross transgression of his oath of office), other voices in their party - the so-called GOP - and talking head agitators inhabiting the far-right media echo chamber. Nearly to a man, a woman, a they, each of these terrorists were white.

Images of ‘good old boys’ traipsing down the halls of the people’s house waving confederate battle flags, kicking feet up on the Speaker’s desk, walking off with public property or smearing their shit on the floors pervaded the internet. These images provided by the villains themselves, posted shamelessly to social media profiles.

As a result of this treasonous, insulting, juvenile, despicable, and ultimately futile effort five people died. Even still, hours after the fact, a majority of members of the so-called GOP voted in accordance with the will of these terrorists. They voted to overturn the results of a free and fair election in the world’s oldest modern democracy. They did so because they believed there were serious ‘concerns’ (‘concerns’, let’s be clear, that started with them and like the Ouroboros, ended up with the confusing, if unhygienic, phenomenon of not knowing where their mouths or assholes ended or began) with the 2020 presidential election. After over 60 court cases arguing that point only one was ruled in their favor. None of the 50 States comprising our union found any evidence of wide-spread fraud. Indeed, a federal agency tasked with monitoring election security stated unequivocally that the presidential election of 2020 was one of the most secure in a generation.

And yet? There they were. Spouting conspiracy theories, assaulting police officers (those stalwart stewards of the ‘law & order’ they otherwise claim to love), brandishing spears and bearskins, stealing mail, leaving death threats to the Vice President, fundamentally acting the fool. A bunch of bullies let out of detention with rage and rebellion on their minds.

Let me be clear: each and every one of these terrorists should be hunted down by law enforcement and charged to the fullest extent of the law. They should then be prosecuted and the judges in each and every case should show or allow no mercy. These barbarians must never be allowed to storm the gates again.

Fine.

But that’s not the really interesting question here. The far-right has been producing assholes forever (one of the few things the ‘right’ is truly consistent at). What’s actually interesting is how these insurrectionists arrived at the conclusions they did. Which is to say; how did their ‘thinking’ bring them to this point.

2.

While it might be tempting for some on the left to see that last sentence as a joke, let’s remember we’re sitting at the adult table. These terrorists, being human, sharing our genetic code, are people - real, live, eating, shitting, fucking, anxious, sleeping, scared, afraid, terrified people - just like you and me. As much as it would be easier if we could see them as Uruk-hai instead of our brothers and sisters, sadly? That’s what they are. Family. Part of the Human Condition.

Though humans that are clearly very, very, very sick. My diagnosis? Mind Cancer. Let me explain, under the assumption my readers understand the difference between mind and brain. As such, I am not asserting that the terrorists are physically sick. From their pics and videos it’s clear many are - obesity, hypertension, anal retention - though that isn’t the point. It’s their mental programming, their minds, that have been infected. Infected with what?

Put simply? A disjointed ontological phenomenology obscured, obfuscated, and accelerated by persistently chaotic epistemological aberrations. Said plainly? Their ability to process reality has been impaired.

Why? Racial resentment, poor economic opportunities, an aversion to books and learning? Yes. All that. Plus? The internet, which has created a new Dark Ages.

Paradoxically, one built on light.

3.

Look. Self-interested demagogues intent on self-aggrandizement are nothing new. Nor are their ability to rally or rile a downtrodden populace. Sadly, demonizing the ‘other’ is also pretty par for the course in these scenarios. An old story, all told. What’s new this time is how it happens.

In a single second - count it out! One Mississippi - a beam, or photon of light moves 186,000 miles. Roughly seven times the circumference of the Earth. The new speed of hate. The internet, that modern marvel ushering in Humanity’s first truly post-scarcity resource, is built on light. Philosophers have for millennia wed knowledge with light. And now we all (well, those of us in the post-industrial world) carry a terminal connected to this internet in our pockets. A stunning marvel of human ingenuity. One would imagine that access to such a wellspring of knowledge and information would have a truly edifying affect on the Human Condition. Perhaps, in aggregate, or retrospect, it will. At the moment?

Yeah ...

At the moment it seems that the more access to information humans have the more they double down on tribal identities, wish fulfillment, instant gratification (read: porn), perceived slights, fantasy lands, Rick Astley videos, or the jibbering incoherent rantings of simple capitalists fomenting the fragile emotional states of low information individuals who feel they have no place in this world. This is a fundamentally devastating epistemological conundrum. Why? For centuries the barrier to the future was the amount of information, knowledge, you could access or process. Yet here and now? Here and now there might be too much access. Too much information. More so, the striking fact that our ability, as a species, writ large, to process or parse this information has not kept pace with the information at hand. A sad equation that inevitably leads to moments like 01/06/21.

4.

The Trump Terrorists of January 6th, 2021, weaponized the internet to facilitate their attempted coup. As did their ‘dear leader’ throughout his humiliating single term in office. In fact, it was the geometrical acceleration of connectivity and interconnectedness enabled via the web and its insanely capitalist platforms that allowed for their ‘movement’ to incubate and evolve. While it is true that neo-liberal policies advocating globalist economics and monetary policy are at the current root cause of most ills genuinely affecting rural, or poor, or uneducated MAGA-heads, it’s also true that apart from an Independent from Vermont no one in the political economy of the last couple decades gave much of a shit about these poor and dispossessed inheritors of old racial mythemes and toxic narratives of self-reliance. No one that is, other than their ‘dear leader’. Never mind he didn’t intend to ease their suffering in any material, or structural way. He talked about it. He tweeted about it. And then he gave them a little song and dance at the rallies. Breathtaking stuff.

However, it wasn’t just the performative act of playing ‘authoritarian’ that got them hot and bothered. No, it was at the same time the eternal need to belong to a group, the legitimate feeling of economic obsolescence, coupled with these new tools of information transmission. Tools that at once gave them powers unheralded and seemingly ensconced them in a protective shell, a perpetually larval manifestation of all their baser inclinations. A reactionary ‘safe space’ from which they could launch a thousand ships of intolerance and hate. What good is truth if you can’t weaponize it? What good are facts if you share them with everyone else?

And so we find ourselves revising Plato. There isn’t just one cave in which we are chained, kept from reality. There are multiple tunnels, alcoves, deeper caverns in which we might dwell. Furthermore, if lucky, there are different days, vistas, egresses in which we can escape from the confines of ignorance. Much like the lucky Mormons, it would seem the far-right believes there are plenty of planets in which ‘Truth’ can dwell. Never mind that multiplying ‘Truth’ in such a way doesn’t actually produce more truth.

In fact, it reduces ‘Truth’. Impoverishes it. Hollows it out.

Which is sad, really. For the major harm caused by these rebels isn’t to our democratic institutions, nor our mythological vision of our nature, nor that ever-loving economy - but to the very fabric that binds the social contract on which all the preceding rely.

That fabric being, specifically, a shared objective reality.

5.

How can we survive if we can’t agree on basic facts? Can a multi-racial, multi-cultural, representative democracy exist when a large percentage of the comprising citizens don’t believe in, or even acknowledge, that that’s actually what’s happening? Is White Supremacy so fundamentally a part of our nation’s DNA that the country can’t exist without it? If so, for those of us who vehemently oppose White Supremacy, the question might then be: is the country worth saving?

Most versions of Western Ethics indicate that violence is not the cure. Nor do I advocate such a position. At the same time I’m deeply troubled, because due their illness these actors are neither rational or coherent. Ergo, we can’t reason with them either. So what next?

To corral the revolutionary, if inchoate, spirit of these sick, fringe minds diseased as they are by hate, grievance, and digital oubliettes would any policy proposals be acceptable? Perhaps as fantastic an idea as the images from 01/06/21, what if the Federal Government decided to halt its obsequious sycophantry to corporate America and ‘elites’ and instead actually, seriously, emphatically reinvested in the heartland, in Main Street, in the working class? Wouldn’t it be ironic if a little more socialism was truly the cure these hatemongers require?

6.

Maybe we should step back and listen to the wisdom of George W. Bush.

Confronting what was at the time the most disheartening terror attack on the homeland, Bush made clear not all who could otherwise be lumped in with the terrorists were terrorists. In the same way that, yes, not all Trump voters are Trump Terrorists.

Even so. Bush made it clear you needed to pick a side.

With us - toward a diverse future in which the promise of the Founders is emboldened and expanded for all who live between our shores. Or against us - back to your stunted hovels and holes with all the other low information troglodytes you like to cosplay revolution with.  

Choose.

It’s your call. But choose quickly, because history is watching, and only one path moves toward the future.

C. R. Stapor Longmont, CO 01/16/21

[doubleshotofsomething]

Needy

[This is my submission for @sourpatchkidsandacokecan​ ‘s Little Darlin’s Mystery AU challenge. This is a three part soulmate au inspired by the song “Needy” by Ariana Grande, the prologue and epilogue do not count as part one/three.]

The person you’re supposed to be with, isn’t always the one you’re meant to be with.

Summary: You can’t fight fate and expect the battle to be fair.

Pairings: Bucky x Reader, Wanda x Bucky

Warnings: anst (ANGST), abuse (im so sorry), panic attack mentions, mental disorder references, attempted murder (for like 5 seconds tho), absolutely no fluff (if it looks like fluff then it’s a lie). Please be warned, im bad at warnings but this may be a triggering chapter so proceed with caution.

Prompts: soulmate au. song prompt

---

Prologue Part One Part Two

---

 Part Three: [ How you even think it got this far?]

"What-- the fuck did you do?"

You blink at him, eyes wide with anticipation as you watch him assess the situation.

The party was still going on somewhere in the tower. It was fun, for the first hour. Then it got boring, so you found Sam, a bottle of whiskey, and ditched to the residential floor.

Sam is next to you, expression matching yours as you both feign innocence – you more than him.

"This is—" Nat pauses, walking further into the room and stopping just a few feet to your right. "—this is actually cute."

"Thank you," the words slip out of your mouth far too quick for your control. Your eyes widen at your admission and you squeak as Sam jabs at your side with his elbow. "ouw!"

You glare at him and he glares back, head nodding to a slowly angering Bucky.

"You—" Bucky grits his teeth, picking up one of the swans you had made with the dress, "—you ruined it."

"We improved it." Sam chimes in, earning a pitiful elbow from you.

The swans were terrible. The internet wasn't as helpful as you had thought it would be and making a swan out of cloth was surprisingly harder than you thought it be too. Especially when you do it after Sam found Thor's secret stash of Asgardian mead.

"Twas actually harder than you'd think," You find yourself adding, "google isn't that user friendly."

"—and the instructions were in hieroglyphs." Sam nods, facing scrunching up in confusion and then he turns to look at you. "You speak hieroglyphs?"

You shake your head at that. "I think it was Korean—"

"—it couldn't have been."

"How would you know? You don't even speak it hieroglyphs—"

"Widow probably speaks it—"

"She could have translationed it for us! Why didn't we think of that!"

Nat blinks at you both, eyebrows furrowing as her eyes land on a flask next to one of the swans. "Oh."

Bucky is shaking, the sound of metal plates shifting echoes in the room as his eyes land on the beads scattered on the table. He looks back at the remnants of the dress in his hands, and he can't find it in himself to calm down. Not when he knows what this dress means, not when you know what it means to him.

"Steve made us do it." You say, smiling innocently at him.

Sam shrugs. "Yeah, definitely."

"It was a pretty shit dress—" Nat adds, nodding her head as she picks up a swan. "This is justice."

"Also, it's bad luck to see the—" You pause, hiccup, and frown as the word escapes you, "—female groom?"

You look to Sam for assistance and pout, he shrugs. "Don't look at me, I wanted to make ducks."

"Yeah, but ducks are difficult to make—" You pause, "—my battery is still at 40%, I know where the suits are."

He grins, wide and devilishly. "I'll look for the other flasks."

 You don't get to make ducks or get the suits. You end up hanging over Bucky's left shoulder as he barrels his way down to the parking lot, stomach churning from your position and completely uncomfortable.

"At least let Steve mandle me, he’s nicer." you try to push yourself up, hands pressing into his back as you try to find some comfort.

Steve chuckles as he watches you pout from in front of him. In his hands are the keys to Sam's car and your purse, along with your coat and gloves.

"Manhandle is the word you're looking for, doll." Steve says, unlocking the car and opening the back door.

Bucky places you inside, surprisingly gentle, as compared to his brutish behaviour, and practically growls at you when you try to wiggle away from him.

"Sit. Still." His words come out through gritted teeth as he clips your seatbelt in place. "Don't even think about it."

You move your hands away from the seat belt clip slowly and feign innocence. "Can I at least say bye to Cap?"

The door slams shut before you even finish your sentence, but you still yell out a goodbye anyway while Bucky yanks open the driver's side door.

He gets in gracefully, throws your stuff onto the passenger seat roughly, and speeds out of the Tower's underground parking before the doors even fully open.

He's quiet the entire drive to your place, tense and stiff in his seat. You're fidgeting in your seat behind him – poking at the back of his neck and trying to get him to open a window— completely unremorseful.

It baffles him, the lengths you're willing to go to get your point across. The damage you're willing to do. It completely blows his mind, the things you're capable of doing – just to get what you want.

He tells you that, as he carries you up to your apartment. Continues to tell you that, as you retch into the toilet and then helps you change into your pyjamas. Doesn't even stutter as he goes on while making you finish up the coffee he made.

You glare at him and his control falters, frowns at that uncanny familiar sensation gripping at the base of his skull.

"—it's not like she was gonna wear it, anyway." You mutter, taking a gulp of the coffee, "you can't marry her now."

"Wha—" his voice cracking cuts him short, a shiver races through him as he tries to blink.

You're sitting on the counter, trapped between both of his arms on either side of you, and he breaks eye contact to look down at the cup in your hand.

"She knows that we're mates," you continue, completely oblivious. "She's great, I like her, honestly. But she can't fight fate, or nature. It would've made cents—scents—" you frown, and glare at the crown of Bucky's head, as if you'll find the word you're looking for there. "—whatever. It doesn't matter. Neither does this wedding, because— come on, let's be honest. No one wants to be with our kind, it’s too risky. We are the defamation of— deformation— what?"

He should find this cute. He usually does. But he can't, not now, not when he can feel the sweat pooling at the back of his shirt. Not when that prickling feeling is clawing up his spin, that trickle of fear – foreign and yet familiar –  why was it so familiar?

"Stop—" he rasps, pushing himself away from you, putting as much distance between the both of you as possible.

You frown, setting the cup down and slide of the counter. "Buck—" your knees knock when you land on your feet, and you have to grab onto the counter to keep you from falling. "—Bucky?"

"Stop." His hands are in his hair, gripping furiously as he shut his eyes. "No."

He has done this before, deflecting from the topic at hand, changing it in a way that made you not want to touch it.

Coffee mugs crushed in his hands. I'll talk to her, don't worry about it.

Fists slammed into dinner tables. For fuck's sakes, I said I'll do it, it's been a really stressful weak as it is.

Doors banged off their hinges. Wanda is not some mate-stealing monster, damnit! I won't have you shit-talking her like this.

Broken plates scattered on the floor, while on their way to the kitchen. Are you fu— doll, please, I didn't come here to fight. Okay? Let's just... not, right now.

You had listened, each time, because he was there with you and not with her. You let him deflect every time, because he needed that from you, and you could never deny him – not that you'd try. You had listened and, in turn, the wedding wasn't called off.

You were done listening.

"You can't walk away every time I bring this up, Buck—" you follow him into the living room, "—I'm not some groupie you can't shake. I'm your soulmate, and you're gonna have to face that fact sooner, rather than later."

"Just—" he breathes out, "—stop talking, for once."

"You can't seriously be mad at me, right now—"

You need to stop.

"I'm not wrong for wanting us to be together, and you know that." You point out, frowning as the chair he’s leaning against begins to crack under his grip. "—okay, fine. We can change the topic, if it's that upsetting!"

He really needs you to stop.

There's a tug at your chest, faint but strong enough to make you look down in confusion, before you realise it's the matebond.

Except, the pull feels different this time. It's an uncomfortable sting, leaving a bitter taste in your mouth, and you frown. It has never felt like this, not even when you had first found Bucky, never this... this... alarming?

You look up at your mate and you think that's why. You think it's because he's distressed, that this is serious, that it's another one of his attacks.

So, you go to him, because you need to. Because the feeling won't relent. Because it's in your nature to be what he needs you to be.

The stinging seems to worsen the closer you get, furious as it spikes an increase in your heart rate, and you hate yourself for a second – knowing that you've caused this. This is happening because you went on a rampage and ruined Wanda's wedding dress.

She liked that dress. You know that because he told you. Because it was bought on the same day that you had met Bucky. Because he couldn't stomach the thought of her never being able to wear it for their wedding, once it's called off...

And you decided to turn into swans.

His hand is on you, around your throat, backing you into a wall as it squeezes.

It takes a couple of seconds for you to register, to realise what is happening. And, for some reason, all you can think about was how it was the first time he used his hand –  his actual hand – to touch you.

And, suddenly, you prefer the left hand.

--

It's too late.

By the time he comes to, you're already on the floor.

You're unconscious, your cheeks are wet and your neck is bruising.

He's standing over you, confused. He calls your name, shakes you, but you don't wake.

There's a pulse, he checked, and you're breathing, he double-checked.

He can still feel you, so he tells himself that that's a good sign as he carries you to bed. He sets a bottle of water on your nightstand, charges your phone for you, and scribbles down a note.

Call me when you wake up.

He can't seem to start the car, or remember why you ended up on the floor, so he calls Steve.

He doesn't tell him what happened over the phone, but he does when he arrives. He tells him what he can remember, about the yelling and then putting you to bed and that blank gap between the two.

Shit, Buck. Steve swears, so he knows it's bad.

You're going to hate him in the morning, he knows this, but why isn't he feeling the bond pull him to you. To fix this.

That's what it usually does, doesn't it?

That's why he always came back after every fight, isn't it?

There would be the fighting and arguing and the breaking of things. You would kick him out and ignore him. He would feel bad and make up for it, he had to – he always had to. He could never fight that feeling.

Why wasn't it there, now?

--

Wanda was there when you woke.

Bruce was there, too. Checking you, helping you, telling you what to do and what not to do.

You're all quiet, except for Bruce as he speaks only when necessary. She's in the background, leaning against your dresser, while you try to go about your morning routine in the afternoon.

Bruce called your work and put in a sick leave for you, had Dr Cho sign a sick note for you. He even scheduled an appointment with Cho for you, a proper scan once you can get out of bed.

You blame the mead, how could you not? It had to be it, because there is no way, in heaven or hell, that Bucky could...

Bruce only stays for as long as he needs too. He's a match, the thread match, and he can't stay away from Nat for too long. So, he leaves… she doesn't.

It's awkward, as expected, and ugly and anxiety inducing.

You ruined her wedding dress, cut it into pieces and turned it into a plaything for you and Sam. You remember that part because you did it while you weren't completely shitfaced.

She's marrying the man that you want, the man that's supposed to be yours, and it would be easy to get you out of the picture – get rid of you so you wouldn't put Bucky through this anymore. But she doesn't, because she understands.

She understands because you don't know.

You don't know what they did to him, what they had to do to get him to be the soldier they wanted. You don't know what he went through, what they put him through when he resisted.

And he could never tell you that. Because it's not your fault that they used your bond to turn him into a monster. It's not your fault that they turned the only good thing he had, the one thing that was his, into a weapon. He couldn't tell you that...

"He's in Wakanda." Wanda says softly, eyes locking on yours as you both watch each other from opposite ends of the room. "Bucky."

You want to ask why, she can tell, so she explains.

"When he was put under, again, we thought—" she swallows, rubbing circles in her chest to ease the knot, "—we thought that he could be..."

You give a slight nod of understanding, adjusting the continental pillow behind you back.

You knew what Hydra had done to him, what they had turned him into. Anyone who was anyone knew.

"So," she sighs, "when he came back to the team, we all thought he was okay. I thought he was okay, I mean—I checked to make sure he was okay... But... we know, now that he wasn't. I didn't think it could happen, especially not now. I mean—"

She pauses and looks at you. You can see the struggle on her face, the hesitance to continue, and you frown.

Wanda found out about you on the same day that Bucky did. He told her immediately, over the phone, didn't even wait until she got back to the compound.

He said it didn't change anything, that your presence didn't change anything, but she knew.  She knew it did.

He couldn't balance between her and a mate, she didn't want him to. So, he decided to introduce you to each other.

She liked you instantly, how could she not? You were exactly what she expected Bucky's mate to be, and more. But he didn't care.

She wanted to call things off, but he wouldn't listen to reason. She wanted him to understand, to know that she wouldn't hate him if he didn't choose her. Because she knew better; fate had chosen, and it wasn't her.

It's my choice, he persisted. And I love you. She'll just have to understand, because I'm not leaving you.

You were fate's choice for him.

But he had had enough of people choosing for him; the army, hydra, the UN, and now, you?

No one knows what's best for me, except for me. We're getting married and that's final.

He wouldn't back down and she couldn't fight him. She loved him more than she could ever understand, who was she to choose for him?

"Hydra did things, things that shouldn't be possible," she continues, her voice steadier than she expected. "Once they had their hands on the tesseract, they did things to him that — I don't think we can fix…"

You can feel him, sort of... it's barely there, the bond, but you can still feel him.

She folds her arms across her chest. "Whatever you said last night, whatever it is you did— it triggered him back."

You blink. Once. Twice. Then, all at once, it sinks in and your stomach tightens.

"What?" Is your reaction, whispered and you can barely register the voice as yours.

"They're gonna try and reverse it, like before—" Wanda rushes the words out, but it's too late. Her previous words are already sitting on your chest and you're finding it hard to breathe. "—they've done it once; they can do it again—"

The realisation hits you, hard, and you have to force yourself to breathe.

Because now you understand why, you know why the link had felt that way – why the ache intensified as you got closer to him.

"I threw the bond in his face," your voice cracks and your throat aches as you speak. "I told him that— oh."

It was warning you, the bond, and you ignored it. It was feeling threatened, and you ignored it.

How could you be so selfish?

Wanda is sitting in front of you before you can even blink, trying to calm you down, begging you to calm down, to breathe...

Damn it, why couldn't you breathe?

"I can never have him, can I?" You're gasping, practically wheezing, and your nails dig into Wanda's arm.

The pain is there, she feels it, but she's too busy worrying about your escalating heart rate to focus on it. "Y/N, please, breathe—"

You're shaking your head, frantic and harder than your headache can handle. "What did I do— what did I do— what did I do—"

"Hey—hey— hey, look at me!"

"I ignored it—" your chest hurts and you don't understand why, "—it was, it was here—" you let go of her arm to pat your chest, "—right here, it was here. The bond. I could feel it. And he was begging me to stop and trying to leave, but I didn't listen— Wanda, I didn't listen—"

Wanda doesn't know what to do, not even Bucky had gotten this bad before. This was new territory for her.

You were too far gone to listen to anything she was saying, and she was too busy panicking to know what to do. How does she fix this?

"I need you to calm down, please— oh my god!"

"Why wouldn't I listen? I just wanted him to— you know? I just wanted him to choose me—"

"Y/N! Y/N! Please, I need you to—"

"Because I didn't— I just wanted to have him. And now— I broke it. It's broken. I broke it, Wanda. I broke it—how could I— he needed me to just— and I broke it—"

"Sam— help me! I don't know what's happening— she won't stop— "

 --

It was unchartered territory.

Reversing the trigger through the matebond wasn't possible, especially when the stones had been returned to their timelines.

The only option they had, that Shuri could provide, was completely erasing every single one of his memories. Every, last, one.

Clean slate. No Wanda, or Steve, or you.

You would still remember though, everyone will. So, there really wasn't a point.

You told Wanda – days later, when you were well enough to leave for your appointment with Dr Cho and found her there –  it wouldn't be necessary.

"He doesn't have to go under," you said, fidgeting with hem of the hospital. "I'll stop... I'll stop everything."

She shook her head, ready to protest. "You don't have to do any of that, I'm not going to marr—"

"Please do." You stopped her, shaking your head. You'd done enough damage as it is. "He chose you. He's fought me at every turn because he wants you. I'm not—"

Why was it so easy to say all this?

"I'll still be there, when he needs me— for whatever it is, but only for that. He's yours," he doesn't want me anyway, "We're mates, not matches, we don't have to be together for this to work—"

"You don't know what you're saying—"

"The world has taken enough from you— I've taken enough from you, Wanda. Let me give you this, at least."

You could live without him. You've done it before.

How hard could it be?

Tagging: @sourpatchkidsandacokecan​ , @decadentsoulbiscuitgoth​ [sorry i took so long, won’t happen again :) xx]

[jamaiskookie]

mutuals (pjmxreader) [bonus:celibacy]

~mutuals~ [youtuber!reader x idol!jimin] social media AU

synopsis: park jimin is a (slightly problematic) idol singer, and he becomes completely smitten with a youtuber after stumbling upon her dance cover to his own song.

genre: fluff, a good dosing of cracK, literally two seconds of angst blink and u miss it

word count:  2.3k

[A/N]: thank you for all the love you’ve given mutuals! can’t believe it’s only been like one week since this blog has been up hehE enjoy this drabble of thirsty!jimin after he found your video. if you have no idea what i’m talking about gO READ THE FIRST CHAPTER

series masterlist

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           When JinHit first hit record sales with the success of Jimin’s mini album, and RAPLINE’s first title single a couple years ago, Jin finally gave in to Jimin’s begging and gave all the artists their own personalised studio in the JinHit building. It’s where all the greatest hits on the charts are written. It’s practically the modern eighth wonder of the world, considering the names and talent that have graced the walls. 

          Jimin, Yoongi, and Namjoon all have their separate studios to write, produce, and record in, and all three of the small rooms are located next to each other. Partially because of design and common sense, but also so all three friends can conveniently annoy each other when needed. Jin’s office isn’t too far away either, just across the floor. Usually, if they’re all working in the studio, they’ll walk over to Jin’s office during lunch hour and leech off his amazing personal pantry in his office. The office is much, much bigger than their studios, and Jimin never fails to remind Jin that. 

          All three artists have grown a little attached to their studios. It’s where they do what they all love most, after all. Yoongi barely lets anyone into his ‘Genius Lab’, and ever since a staff member accidentally messed with his coffee machine, he hasn’t let anyone step foot in. Nobody’s even allowed to come inside Namjoon’s studio during what he calls his ‘namjoon talent time’ which is basically just a period of time before comeback season where he locks himself in the studio, writing music 24/7. 

          He occasionally asks Jimin to listen to his unreleased files for suggestions, but other than that, noone except Yoongi goes inside his studio during ‘namjoon talent time’, and Namjoon only reluctantly lets him in as his bandmate. Not that Jimin minds, he hasn’t been let inside since he accidentally mistook Joon’s studio for his own and brought one of his one-night-stands over. Joonie was horrified, and made Jimin sanitise, wash and clean every part of the room, all while he cried about how his ‘baby was molested’. It was traumatising for both parties. 

          Out of the three, Jimin’s the least protective over his studio, even though he’s the one who put the most effort into it. He’s spent years perfecting it, making it the best place for inspiration and writing music. Everything in the studio has been personally chosen and thought out by him. The snacks and custom mini fridge, the wall of his entire discography, trophies, music awards, and his personal favourite, the official JIMIN logo sign above the couch. 

          It lights up in purple.

          Despite being a pretty stereotypical assholey partying douche idol, Jimin’s likes to think he’s actually quite talented. He’s been named ‘Most professional idol’ on every single online survey he can find (He’s also always voted for ‘Most handsome’, but that’s besides the point), and it’s true. Jimin never sells himself short. He is a professional musician, singer, and producer. He writes his own music, choreographs his own dancing, and uses his platform to spread positive, meaningful messages. There’s a reason he’s so internationally successful, and it’s because he’s talented. 

          Maybe right now isn’t a great example of his talent. Jimin was in his studio, holding his head in his hands. Sure, he’s a globally recognised and accomplished songwriter, but to be honest, he hadn’t written a single piece of original JIMIN music since he wrote ‘Filter’ with Namjoon months ago. He was in the biggest creative slump in his entire career. He had tried almost everything, co-writing, exercise, music samples, playing around on instruments. Hell he even tried music therapy. Whatever melody he tried to create, whatever lyrics he tried to write, it all came out sounding like garbage. 

          Yesterday was a little bit of a blow to Jimin’s ego. It was three in the morning, and he’d been in the studio for seven hours, with only one verse written. 

I love to let loose,

Have you ever tried eating moose?

It’s all so bananas,

Tony fucking Montana. 

          Yeah, it’s pretty embarrassing. It’s not even a verse, it looks more like a kindergartener’s attempt to write poetry. For the first time in his life, he doesn’t really feel like writing music or putting his thoughts in a song. Jimin is just plain out of ideas. He has nothing to write about. And if he doesn’t have good content to put out, he’d rather not put anything out at all. 

          But he still hates it. All his life, he’s coped by writing, singing and dancing. This writer’s block has been too frustrating. Too many sleepless nights and crumpled papers have been wasted over it, with no progress or music in result. Plus, Jin might be one of his closest friends, but Jin was also a boss, and he still needed more tracks for Jimin’s big comeback, happening end of the year. 

          He can’t help it. Jimin has nothing left to write about. He opened one eye when he heard the distant ding of his phone coming from somewhere in the studio. Grumbling incoherently, he opened the notification, to find… you. 

          Jimin’s mouth was hanging open the entire video. His eyes twitched the tiniest bit and he almost dropped the phone when you said his face was “decent”, but he had to watch it again, because the first time around, he didn’t hear a word that came out your damn mouth. He was otherwise… preoccupied. No matter how much he tried, he just couldn’t tear his damn eyes off the screen. Curse Min Yoongi for sending him this. 

          He even cringed when he had to bring his sleeve up to wipe the tiniest bit of drool off his face. Practically salivating. What the fuck? How old was he? He was Park Jimin, why was he popping a boner from watching some stranger on the internet dance to his songs? He’s been in the industry for way too long now, he was practically immune to scantily clad women prancing around him. So why he completed concentrated on your stupid little crop top? Not to mention, you were practically insulting him at this point. What was so special? 

          For one moment, Jimin forced his eyes off the screen, wondering if the sleep deprivation had really affected him that much, or if this was another side effect of the writer’s block he’s been having. It’s the partying ‘clean act’ ban Jin’s been forcing me to go on, he thought, even though Jimin wasn’t totally convinced of that. (Despite swearing not to, he looked straight back to down at his phone afterwards to reply the video.) 

          He was so fixated on the screen, he didn’t even notice when Yoongi flung the door open and walked inside. Jimin only lifted his head when he heard Yoongi’s obnoxiously loud groan. 

          “What- When did you get here?” Yoongi recently went back to a fan-favourite hair colour of his, and Jimin was still not used to seeing him with bright mint coloured hair. In his opinion, he looked like a highlighter, but Yoongi seemed to not mind it. 

          “I’ve been standing here for the past two minutes, drinking my coffee. The fuck you watching on your phone that’s got you drooling?” 

          “NOTHING.” Yoongi narrowed his eyes, and before Jimin could even move away, he managed to snatch the phone away from Jimin’s hands. 

          “What the fuck- how? You know, this is why your fanbase thinks you’re a cat.” Yoongi ignored his words with ease. “Oh my god,” He said. “Are you watching the video I sent you? I didn’t expect you to actually watch it.” 

          “I always watch my fan’s videos after a comeback!” Jimin insisted, clawing upwards to steal his own phone back, but Yoongi kept slapping his hands away. 

          “Yeah, but this isn’t a fan. This is just like, one of your fanboys and a girl roasting you.” Yoongi stared back at Jimin suspiciously when he tried to defend himself. “Why were you watching this girl dance like a starving man, Chim?” 

          “Just, because- what- I was nOT watching her like a starving man. Don’t look at me like I’m some kind of a pervert!” Jimin finally managed to grab ahold of his phone again, and he threw it behind him on the couch, away from Yoongi. 

          “Hyung,” He sighed. “I think maybe it’s Jin’s new ‘clean, good boy’ rule. Along with this stupid fucking slump I’ve been having these days, I just don’t feel great, okay? So don’t be so fussy with me. I can’t write, I can’t party… If I want to ogle over some random girl on the internet, I will.” Jimin cringed once the words came out of his mouth, but Yoongi slowly nodded, sitting down on the couch. 

          Min Yoongi may be a little too gay to understand Jimin’s womaniser ways, but the frustration behind not being able to write music, that, he understood. “You’re trying to justify being a perv by using your mental problems, but I’ll talk to you about that later on.”

          “Chim, we all have our slumps. It’s honestly a wonder that this is your first serious creative block. Me and Joon, and every single artist in the world, is bound to go through that at some point. It’s not the end. You’ll still be able to write good music soon, you’re a good writer.” Jimin refused to meet Yoongi’s eyes, even if what he was saying did make a little sense. He just chose to stay silent. 

          “You just have nothing left to write about. You can’t keep living like this though, Chimmy. It’s unhealthy.” 

          “What do you mean, unhealthy? I’m perfectly fine, thank you.” 

          Yoongi stared at him deadpan, gesturing to the entire state of his studio. “It’s a complete mess in here,” He said. “Plus, I don’t think you’ve left this studio for days. The others may not want to say it to your face, but we’re all a bit worried about you. Stop forcing yourself to ingest all these redbulls to try to keep writing.” 

          “When inspiration comes, it’ll come. You can’t force it, it doesn’t work that way. What you need, is a break. Go back home for once, maybe visit your mom. And for god’s sakes, take a shower please. Trust me, okay?”

          Yoongi doesn’t like admitting it, but he’s the most caring one out of their friend group. Anyone can tell from the look in his eyes right now, that he’s genuinely concerned about his friend. He’s also the one with most sense, but Jimin will never tell him that, because his advice, no matter how sensible, is useless. 

          All he’s known is singing, writing, and throwing himself in work. To just stop? Even if it’s to take a short break, it doesn’t feel right to Jimin. Instead of telling Yoongi his problems, he just poked his tongue in his cheek. If lightbulbs actually popped up above people’s heads when they had a good idea, a massive one would’ve appeared on top of Jimin’s. 

          “I’ve got it!” He said, excitedly. Yoongi sat up straight. “You’re going to take my advice for once?”

          “No, of course not, Hyung. Don’t be silly.” Yoongi slouched his back again, closing his eyes. 

          “I’ll just hit this girl up!” Yoongi’s eyes snapped open. 

          “What.” 

          “Yeah! Who knows, y’know? Maybe I’ve been keeping myself to Jin’s rules a little too well. It won’t hurt the company if I let myself go just once. Blow off some steam, come back fresh and recharged.” Jimin rubbed his hands together like a bad Disney villain. 

          “It’s too early for this.” Yoongi whispered, pinching the bridge of his nose.

          “It’s three in the afternoon.” Yoongi ignored him. 

          “You really aren’t going to take my advice, huh.” 

          “Nope!” Jimin said, popping the ‘p’ annoyingly. 

          “You promised Jin you’d go celibate.”

          “I said I’d clean up the partying act. I don’t recall taking a vow of celibacy.” Yoongi just sighed, and fell back down on the sofa, mindlessly sipping at his coffee. 

          Jimin hesitated. “You’re not going to… tell me not to? Or give me another one of your eco-feminist speeches again?” Yoongi shrugged. 

          “You’ve heard it too many times. Plus, I have a feeling this is going to be funny.” 

          “Funny? Hyung, what part of this could possible be funny to you?” There was a brief pause filled with awkward silence, before Yoongi blinked slowly. 

          “When she rejects you, of course.” Jimin threw his jacket, aimed straight for Yoongi’s head. His stupidly fast cat-like reflexes managed to dodge it, but Jimin scowled at him nonetheless. 

          “She’s not going to reject me.” Jimin walked over, picking up the very same jacket he threw at Yoongi, before plopping his sunglasses back on his face. “No woman has ever managed to reject me before, and I intend on adding her to that list.” He pursed his lips. 

          “Plus, she’s super hot. Great ass. Attractive people attract attractive people.” Jimin turned his phone back on once more to sneak one last peek at you in the thumbnail of the video, before stuffing his phone into his back pocket. “I just need to get it out of my system. This might be what I need to get me out of this creative rut!”

          He could’ve sworn Yoongi muttered something under his breath, something along the lines of ‘fucking asshole’, but he chose to ignore it. 

          “Alright, well, see you, Yoons!” Jimin practically skipped out of the studio, startling the producer’s assistant outside with his slightly disturbing enlarged grin. 

          “Don’t come crying to me when she refuses to get in your pants, you fucking diva!”

          Jimin continued walking towards the elevator, but he threw up his middle finger behind him. 

“DON’T RUIN MY EXIT, BITCH!” 

[taglist:] @notmontae97​​ @lucedelsole97​

[gaiapaia]

Kermit and Friends: Jesse Heiman

Jesse Heiman is a popular extra/background actor in Hollywood. He’s a guy you’ve probably seen a dozen times without realizing it, having appearances in popular films and TV shows such as American Pie, Freaky Friday, Drake & Josh, How I Met Your Mother, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, The Social Network... the list honestly goes on and on and on. I guarantee everyone reading this has seen something he was a part of.

Jesse’s most popular role to date is most likely a Super Bowl commercial he starred in for Go Daddy. In the commercial, Jesse had the opportunity to make out with famous Israeli supermodel Bar Rafeli. This led to Jesse getting other roles where he was able to make out with famous beauties such as Maria Menounos and Jaime Pressly. What a lucky guy!

Now Jesse has added Kermit and Friends to his amazing career! He joined the show Sunday first from his vehicle, then later in his apartment. Elisa immediately dove in with questions about Jesse’s career and what it’s like to have been in so many awesome productions and make out with so many beautiful women. Jesse happily opened up and answered all of Elisa’s questions sincerely.

One person who wasn’t impressed with Jesse’s resumé was host of the Kermit and Friends Wrap-Up Show, Laurie. Jesse complimented Laurie, telling her she resembles his look, only for Laurie to take it as a personal insult. Laurie then started dragging Jesse and his accomplishments. Oh no! Laurie would later admit she’s been in a rotten mood due to a mental breakdown she’s currently going through. Elisa tried to get Laurie to open up about it after KAF’s dashing pilot Capt. Muttley donated and asked what Laurie’s deal was, but Laurie was uninterested in doing so unfortunately. Thank you Capt for donating and trying to help... hopefully Laurie feels better next week!

Another person who treated Jesse poorly was none other than Elisa’s fiancé, Andy Dick. Jesse was clearly an Andy Dick fan from the beginning, but Andy’s first question to him was if Jesse was a male or female. After Elisa told Andy to be more polite, Andy started ranting about how he’s currently in the process of transitioning from male to female himself. The conversation was too blue for Jesse, so he dipped out until things would become more sunny later on.

Andy had some friends with him in his apartment this week. The usual suspects Lucas and Jesse Grider were there, but he was also joined by two new friends named Andre and another gentleman whose name was never given. Elisa admitted one of the benefits to being engaged to Andy is that it leads to her meeting lots of new guys, especially black guys! 

Andre and Andy seemed really close. Like really, really close... if you catch my drift. They were basically all over each other. Andre was fun though because he would burst out laughing at pretty much every joke someone said, and it was a genuine laugh, not forced. The other guy only spoke later to give some insight on the depression he’s faced throughout his life. It was actually a deep little conversation where he opened up about still living at home with his mom at 38-years-old and how he views himself as the black sheep of his family. Hopefully this nice man can turn his life around very soon.... it’s never too late to make something special of yourself and of your life.

Lucas, rocking a Vanilla Ice haircut, was extremely intoxicated to the point where he could barely function. Andy claimed Lucas took THC and even poisoned Andy with it. Wow! It was a shocking sight seeing these two interact. After Andy’s aDICKted podcast I covered last week, I thought Lucas was the violent and controlling one in their romance. However, yesterday it was Andy being very hostile and demanding towards Lucas. What an odd and toxic relationship between these two... you seriously can’t make it up.

Jesse Grider was also out of his mind yesterday, running around tasing everyone in sight. Very dangerous stuff actually, as that could easily give someone Andy’s age a heart attack, or even Lucas while he’s in the state he was in yesterday. It was Lucas who would steal the show though with a cartwheel attempt. You have to see it to believe it.

Trumpster Bob made his valiant return to Kermit and Friends after his prison stint last week. Elisa tried to get Bob to open up and describe what exactly happened that landed him in jail, but Bob instead went on and on about this weird story involving the border police from a few years ago that made absolutely no sense.

Jesse Heiman would join the show again only to get bombarded by T-Bob. Jesse was trying to explain to Elisa that his ultimate dream is for World Peace, and Jesse believes that everyone should love each other and be welcomed with opened arms in the USA. This triggered Bob into a rant about children being trafficked from Mexico and how if anyone supports open boarders, that makes them a pedophile. To Jesse’s credit, he didn’t put up with Bob’s nonsense and fired back at him, putting the old Trumper in his place. Good for Jesse!

Miranda and Hud Isaacson both returned to perform some original songs this week. Miranda had a friend with her and they sung a very fun yet vulgar song about celebrities and their anatomies. Hud would perform the same raps he did last week, only in a cooler setting with a club like atmosphere. Hud actually passed on a trip to Miami in order to perform for Kermit and Friends this week... what a guy! Johnny B would also sing a karaoke version of Brandy by Looking Glass.

Lastly, Kermit was blessed to make some new friends in Wolf and Ireland’s Pacifist. Wolf is a writer/producer friend of Jesse Heiman’s, while Ireland’s Pacifist is one of Laurie’s friends who KAF chat legend TricepBrah claims used to be known as the biggest alcoholic on the internet. That’s really saying something considering some of the drunks we’ve had in the Kermit and Friends universe... it’s tough for me to believe anyone surpasses Trumpster Bob in the alcoholic department.

This week’s show was very wild, I’m not sure if this review is giving it justice. There have now been 27 episodes of Kermit and Friends 2.0, about 330 episodes if you count the original KAF. Out of all those episodes, yesterday’s episode was perhaps the wildest of all time. If you have yet to watch it, please stop reading this and just click play.