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10.30.2023
Today, Romano headed back home. He then made sure that there were no museums that wanted his Halloween 'costume' for their collections.
#today's romano#hetalia#aph romano#hws romano#10.30.2023#I'm still migraney#might have to take an actual migrane med instead of tylenol#but i wanna be present for dinner tonight#because we're making fish#so that we can cook a small#(tiny)#section of the salmon to give out cat#because today is her first adoptaversery#we'll give the other kitty a tiny slice too#but his tummy doesnt like any actual food#despite hime loving it#so he'll get a tiny slice and then we'll watch him carefully#to give me his meds if needed#(which cost less than mine :( )#both the kitties are special needs but the one were celebrating today is less special needs#voice texting tags is working surprisingly well
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EVERY REASON (that i can think of) AS TO WHY TURBO/KING CANDY IS NEURODIVERGENT 💥💥
i would like to make a disclaimer first and foremost about the obvious, being that Turbo/King Candy is heavily implied to have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). Very often, characters with these disorders are portrayed as villains, and Turbo is no exception to this. There's nothing wrong with antagonistic characters having said disorders, per se, but when the only representation available for people with these conditions are found in characters you're not supposed to root for, it can be really disheartening. i won't be erasing these parts of him because i feel it would be in poor taste to gloss over those core elements of who he is, but plz keep in mind that having any kind of personality disorder doesn't make anyone inherently evil!!!🌞 your ACTIONS make you, not your brain
Also if anyone has any suggestions or other ideas for his neurodiversity, i would love to hear them! please do share!! I LOVE PSYCHOANALYZING CHARACTERS AND HEARING OTHER PEOPLE PSYCHOANALYZE THEM !!!! YAY🎉 if u agree or disagree with any of my points I'd love to discuss them further :-]
without further ado... click read more to find out…😈 be ready for a lot of reaches
💥 ADHD 💥
STIMMING
Turbo's constantly moving around in some way; he's a very expressive character! even as King Candy, he can't seem to conceal his frequent giggling. it's a big habit of his; he seems to do it involuntarily to regulate himself, including when he's nervous or uncomfortable.
he seems to display other repetitive behaviors as well, like doing his iconic thumbs-up pose, sticking out his tongue, or hopping around gleefully. he is but a jovial court jester..
i personally like to think that his phrases, "Turbo-tastic!" and "Have some candy!" are vocal stims of his, although i equally really love the interpretation that these (and the aforementioned stims) are tics :-]
another headcanon; i think it would make a lot of sense for him to have an oral fixation of some sort (ignoring the whole sigmund freud part of the term ermm...); just lots of biting, chewing, needing to have something in his mouth. It would align with the whole idea that he smokes, too
HYPERACTIVITY
we can clearly see throughout the film that Turbo has a lot of energy, made abundantly clear by his mannerisms and general behavior. he's constantly moving, using exaggerated expressions and gestures to communicate + express himself. He's one of the most animated and bouncy characters in the movie, next to Vanellope! it's silly how a character not very grounded in reality is such a threat, but i suppose that's what makes him so threatening in the first place...
another factor in this is how he is very adrenaline-seeking, craving activities that give him a rush (sugar rush...😂😂). more on that in a bit!!
HYPERFIXATION
Turbo's fixation with winning is all-consuming for him; it's an obsession. he doesn't appear to care about much else, if anything besides it. this could be interpreted as a hyperfixation for him (or special interest if ur all about that autism lifestyle), as it overtakes all of his focus and impedes every process of his mind.
it's clear that racing is much more than a passion for him, and while that fact is due to how he was programmed, it's a major character trait of his regardless that could be correlated to neurodivergence.
HYPERFOCUS
There seems to be a big theme of "all or nothing" when it comes to Turbo. he will either be fully dedicated to something or brush it aside without a second thought. it can't be denied that he fully wraps himself up in what he wants, whether it's a conflict he can't let go of or a new pursuit he's hungrily chasing after.
ultimately, his dedication varies depending on if it is relevant to him and his interests or not, but this aspect of him still shares patterns with neurodivergent thought processes.
INSTANT GRATIFICATION
Seeing as he has a tendency to cheat in his use of code to spawn in whatever his heart desires, it can be assumed that this could do with Turbo wanting instant gratification to fill that bitter, empty void inside of him. while this could simply be brushed aside as greed and his belief that he is obligated to have access to whatever he wants, this trait is consistent with his generally dopamine-seeking behavior and wanting to be instantly rewarded by his actions. His obsession with needing to feel good directly relates to his need for another buzz, constantly after the next rush. (a sugar rush if you will☺☺☺)
ADRENALINE-SEEKING
Closely related to the previous speculation, Turbo always seems to be chasing his next high. he loves the thrill of action and being surrounded by crowds of people below him. it's why his big thing is racing! people cheer him on, he can do whatever he wants, he can go really fast and look cool..
it's possible that a big aspect of why he does this is to distract himself from any kind of pain, because pain = vulnerability. bro does NOT know how to independently cope with his own problems.. HE MAD AS HELLLLL!!! 😂😂
STRUGGLE WITH SELF CARE
(i know this is reaching but bear with me... 🐻) going off of his appearance and tendency to make poor decisions, it can be gathered that this man lacks skill in the self care department. his yellowing teeth and sunken eyes not only serve to complement his design, but also give way to the idea that he neglects himself in favor for whatever weird scheme he's up to.
of course, Turbo does prioritize himself above everyone else, but he doesn't strike me as the type to care much about how others think he smells. him being a bother to anyone isn't a concern of his. he cares about whatever gets him the most praise and attention from as many people as possible, which is winning and racing. Who cares about how clean he is when he's up on a podium holding a shiny, golden trophy, anyway?
It's likely that he had to step his game up when he went under disguise as king candy, which is why he looks well-groomed in comparison to his more corpse-like appearance. Ugly hoe. it can also be assumed that he's had more time to focus on himself because everyone loves him without question... Well, except for Vanellope, but who cares about her, right?
also, i know he makes a condescending comment to Ralph about how bad his breath smells, but it's made abundantly clear that Turbo is a massive hypocrite. his comment doesn't erase the possibility that he has suffered from such "halitosis" as well.
💥 ANXIETY 💥
GENERAL ANXIOUS BEHAVIOR
i know, i know, this could technically be chalked up to be "Turbo is nervously giggling and shit because he's scared of getting caught," but guys. g
even in the flashback scene, we can see how easily stressed he can become in an alarmingly short period of time. he is extremely insecure, therefore i am led to believe he is not only emotionally dysregulated, but also by extension, anxiety ridden.
yes, this is purely speculative, but who's to say that he wasn't like this before? being high-strung and intense are significant facets of his personality consistently portrayed throughout the film. as long as he is getting exactly what he wants, he is happy; the moment he loses even a blip of control, however, he immediately grows extremely tense.
if Turbo wasn't anxious about his disguise as King Candy before, he was anxious about how much attention he was receiving on a given day. if not that, then he'd be anxious over how he presents himself. He hates how he can't control how other people perceive him, which is why he is constantly trying to act like he's better than he is.
its why he justifies his behavior to himself, proudly making others refer to him as the "rightful ruler" of sugar rush and relishing in the attention of his countless underlings. Any secure and stable person would NOT ACT LIKE THIS!!!!😭😭😭
FIGHT OR FLIGHT
As we can see a handful of times on screen, Turbo's instinct to protect himself is very easily activated.
his fear manifests in anger and aggression. we can see at multiple points how easy it is to upset him or fluster him; his anger is one side of the same coin, the opposite end being his fear and paranoia.
Going off of this point, have you noticed that Turbo is either satisfied or furious without much of an in-between? how the second something isn't under his manipulation, he lashes out and fights back? I'm led to believe that this is how he responds to fear (AAUAAYAUUUUGGHHH 🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡). This guy is so against the idea of being vulnerable, that even when afraid, he will utilize violence to regain his dominance over the situation at hand.
CONTROL + PARANOIA
Turbo's always trying to writhe or fight his way out of uncomfortable situations, unable to exist outside of his comfort zone for seconds at a time.
his defensive, paranoid, and controlling behavior are all reflections of how deeply insecure this man is. He feels such an intense need for everything to go exactly how he expects it to go that the moment he senses any kind of threat, he instantly jumps to defend himself and what he feels that he has "earned," regardless of whether there truly is a threat or not.
this could potentially be a coping mechanism for his anxiety and sense of stability; can't forget to mention how territorial he is!! he jumps to conclusions about what others' intentions are before they even get a chance to reply, as seen with his first encounter with Ralph in the movie.
the racer is so internally discombobulated that he seeks any sense of stability on his environment, including on those around him. his sense of self is so warped that he copes with constant distraction; being under the spotlight, being actively racing, having to be showered with attention, having others make him feel good because he doesn't know how to do it for himself. he needs to feel like everything is under control, lest everything falls apart.
"...if there's ONE thing I can't abide, it's ANYTHING out of order!"
💥 NPD 💥
INFLATED SENSE OF SELF IMPORTANCE
Turbo's most in-your-face trait above all else. It's made more than crystal clear in every scene he's in that his arrogance is a determining factor in how he interacts with others. This is exactly what drives him to desperately crave admiration, to chase after others he's envious of because he thinks he is obligated to take what they have.
he seems to genuinely think he is entitled to get whatever he wants, just because he is inherently "special" or "better" than everyone else. Why else would he have made himself a king, a step above princess?
EXCESSIVE NEED FOR ADMIRATION
Turbo's self worth is COMPLETELY dependent on the opinions of children and teenagers. I think i don't need to say any more than that, but i will. (Evil).
As cartoonishly massive as his ego is, i think that it's fair to assume that Turbo has a very unstable sense of self, distorting his perception of his own worth down with it. his near-constant flaunting and need to be the best is a dead giveaway to his deeply-ridden self-doubt. The foundation of his stability is built around how "good" he is (at racing and winning), how powerful he is, whether or not he is being prioritized above everyone else, whether or not he is the absolute best, etc. etc.
The racer outright manipulates others to shower him with admiration and undeserved appreciation. He is incapable of forming a true sense of internal value, instead heavily and codependently relying on others to form it for him. if he isn't the best, he may as well just be nothing.
INTENSE JEALOUSY
He reacts so severely to what he perceives as others taking away what is rightfully his that it only goes to solidify my previous points even further. the second someone else is getting more attention than him, Turbo will bend over backwards to rip back the praise he believes he so rightly deserves.
being extremely competitive, he will one-up against anyone he thinks of as a threat, dedicating himself to taking them down to the best of his ability, and making sure they STAY down to top it all off.
INABILITY TO HANDLE CRITICISM
if we really dissect the entire one-off joke with Turbo insisting that his stolen pink castle is actually "salmon," along with all of his other domineering behaviors, we can garner that he is very persistent in how he wants others to view him. i wholeheartedly believe that this would translate into him not only being defensive over his supposed "ownership" of Sugar Rush, but also over himself and his own insecurities.
He needs to feel good about himself or else he will die and quite literally try to kill everyone.
LACK OF EMPATHY
He appears to have a fondness for making jokes in very poor taste. Turbo has a big sense of humor, but it's always at the expense of others. Be it a pun about a "fungeon," or jumping to protect himself with a joke about "hitting a guy with glasses," he has a tendency to take serious situations very lightly. It's not that he's unaware of the weight of it; he simply doesn't take it Seriously.
its admittedly impressive how he was able to feign empathy so well for Ralph; it goes to show how he is very capable of understanding that what he's doing is wrong, but ultimately does nothing to change his behavior because it doesn't impact him personally.
i would like to honor this part of him, because even in the possible alternate path of a redemption arc, his struggle with empathy can be explored in a variety of interesting ways :-] he can understand complicated emotions and situations on an analytical level, but he doesn't feel for them unless it has to do with him specifically. (this obviously doesn't make him inherently evil, his ACTIONS make him evil)
💥 ASPD 💥
LACK OF REMORSE/GUILT
One of Turbo's core characteristics is just how far he is willing to go for his own self-interest with lack of regard for how it impacts everyone else. he has absolutely no concern for how anyone else feels besides himself, willing to go so far as to attempt to mutilate a 9-year-old to achieve his petty goals.
Turbo is shameless when it comes to how he goes about getting his way. While I'd like to believe he isn't fully incapable of feeling regret, he doesn't showcase feeling it in the movie itself. The most regret he'll feel is when he slips up and exposes himself. anything else is the fault of everyone else; he is untouchable in his eyes.
DECEITFUL TENDENCIES + LYING
Where do i even start with this one.
well, first of all, let's acknowledge the... erm, horse? in the room? 🐎😅(Please someone help me there is a horse in my room help helphel) being that Turbo went under disguise as King Candy for at least a decade. Even before this, there's a good chance that he's already had plenty of experience with lies and manipulation. i'd be willing to bet on this!!
one of his specialties is being proficient in manipulation, be it the code of games or the minds of people. theyre basically the same thing to him, anyway... I'm sure you all know the scene where he uses 16 manipulation tactics against Ralph and wins. this was Obviously not the first time he'd done this.
REPETITION OF HARMFUL BEHAVIORS
Time and time again, Turbo can't seem to help himself when it comes to poor decision-making. he never internalizes that his bad choices aren't JUST bad for others, but also for himself, continuing to escalate further and further into very dangerous behaviors until he literally dies.
Here's a list of bad decisions he has made! (at least, that we know of)
Pinning himself above his peers
Harassment + stalking
Carelessly charging through GCS with his car, endangering countless civilians
Attempting to take over a game that isn't his x2
Vehicular manslaughter
Implied mass murder + attempted murder, attempted mutilation
Mass endangerment
Breaking and entering, theft, usurpation, plagiarism
and more!!!!!!!
AND HE LEARNS FROM ABSOLUTELY NONE OF THIS!!! with some of the items listed here, he's attempted to do multiple times! Absolute buffoon.
RECKLESS DISREGARD FOR SAFETY OF SELF AND OTHERS
Considering how he was willing to charge into a game that wasn't his own with the awareness that it could permanently kill him, going as far as to recklessly crash into another car (albeit it's possible this was unintentional), it's easy to gather that he doesn't seem to consider anyone's safety at all in the spur of the moment.
IMPULSITIVITY
his impulsivity and disregard for safety both go hand-in-hand. When it gets to a certain point, Turbo's emotions will boil over and blow up in a cold rage, thus causing him to spiral and act on impulse, becoming a detrimental force to himself as well as everyone around him.
What's interesting is how much restraint he is capable of; he typically is very strategic in how he orchestrates his plans! but once he reaches his breaking point, he snaps and leaves all of his hard work behind in favor of something that calls for his immediate attention.
💥 ETC. 💥
extra tidbits i didnt have enough energy to fully delve into :-]
BPD
Fear of abandonment
Blurry sense of identity
Feelings of emptiness
Self destructive tendencies
Emotional instability
Explosive anger
ODD (oppositional defiant disorder)
He seems so infatuated with his own autonomy that he gets to the point of being resistant and defiant
Resisting against the rules of the world that he directly caused as a result of his own actions, being that one shouldn't "go Turbo."
Enjoys upsetting/getting a rise out of others. this is more speculative as i am going off of the assumption that he thinks pissing people off is funny, based on his other behavioral patterns. (cruel sense of humor, wanting to feel above others via control & manipulation, enjoyment of inflicting pain onto others)
Forcefully defends himself and refuses any kind of criticism
Lashes out when he feels slighted
Excessive persistence despite all odds, whether it's beneficial to him or not
ok bye!! thank you if you managed to read this far ^^ peace and love take care of yourself! all in all turbo is so neurodivergent ok please Okay <3 get this thing his meds
#flashing lights#<- ??#eyestrain#smoking mention#obligatory i don't support disney ⚠️#ITS FINALLY DONE OHHHH DEAR GOARD!!!!! I DID IT#i am COOKING SO hard#I HATE TURBO.#you have no idea what kinds of agony i had to undergo to make this post. i went thru more than the average veteran#accidentally posted this entire thing THREEEE TIIIIMES before it was finished and lost the drafts in the process. we persevere....#the people need to know about why turbo is neurodivergent(IMPORTATNT!!!)!!!!(!!!!!!!)#yeah yeah he did a lot of bad things but turbo is neurodivergent it wasnt his fault! its ok guys!#watch me kin him and ship myself with him at the same time#long post#character analysis#turbo#turbo wir#turbo wreck it ralph#king candy#king candy wir#king candy wreck it ralph#im melting him with a magnifying glass on the concrete until he is but a small grimy stain#Gyys start licking...... we can still save him#Hes a chew toy to me. Or stress toy.#Sorry ok ok ill stop rambling he just makes me sillayy🤪#ok i lied. whenever i think about him too hard i start shaking#churning him into a thick paste to spread onto a sandwich of sorts. tastes like old gummy sweets & diesel fuel with a hint of cigarette ash#i love being long winded and going on and on and on about stupid little assholes liek this guy#the countless essays i have written about him. u have no idea#wreck it ralph
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Samurai and Ninja in crappy pics because December here is under a constant cloud and I just want y'all to see them all golden and cute without learning how to take aesthetic pictures 🥴 💙❤️😆🥰
linktr.ee/Mezzy
#klance#can i tell everyone to look away before i write tags to someone privately lmao no? damn#anyway yes i meant music!! and thank you for sharing something!!#baking seems like a hyperfixation#like i know you said you baked once but then look at me#...i was thinking if i could make salads.... i gotta be medicore at least at one food thing#its a joke its a joke#i will one day get used to focusing on more complicated kitchen work than heating up meat or cooking things in salt and water#anyone else had trouble getting out of bed this december?#once i do i try to pick physical activities that dont require creative thinking because man#at the post office i had small talk with a lady waiting in line she didnt speak polish so u know me it happened#and she recommended light therapy lamp#im very tempted to try it becase i had record bad thoughts sleepless nights and jerking awake this month#it might be rooted in economic instability growing inflation costs of living and shitty working conditions while still trying to buy gifts?#but hey there are things we cant have control over and there are things we can#ive got winter wonderland comic coming though#i will try my best to speed-finish it as a christmas gift aight#i hope its going to be a nice thing!!#wow thats a long set of tags
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i'm too sleepy to properly make sense of this but i need someone to draw this asap pls and thank you.
basically 'ivan the terrible and his son ivan' as sasharcy angst but make it worse in the sense that sasha has actually killed marcy.
#amphibia#amphibia finale#the hardest thing#amphibia season 3#sasha waybright#marcy wu#sasharcy#ivan the terrible and his son ivan#ivan the terrible#art#i am cooking okay#im not sure what#but i think im onto smth#the potential is there#and it'd look cool#so there is my justification bye#ik they never would've#but i always think about the what if yk#what if sasha actually killed marcy#brushing aside the small issue of 'hey we need to save the world and we can only do that with marcy'#i mean in a more personal sense#how does one live with that?#how will anne and everyone else react#what'll they do going forward#this is definitely not springing up after i saw old AUs of ghost marcy and sasha shenanigans
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being the eldest daughter means i have the right to call my mom insane bc what tf was she on when she decided to have three kids with my red flag of a father
#the amount of chores. laundries. dishes in the sink. food to cook. and she complains and yells 24/7 as if we told her to give birth to us#i close my eyes and dream of living alone in a small apartment where i have to do the minimum amount of chores#“u can only find true fulfilment after starting a family” did u?? find fulfilment???#istg the older generations are so hypocritic#“you'll die alone if u dont get married” everyone dies alone tf u on grandma#grandpa died while surrounded by his family. yet it felt like the loneliest death to me. did marriage save him? did it give him a happy end#hah. our relatives love gossips more than the person. stop acting like marriage is what makes one's life complete. it does the opposite.#sorry for the rant i just rlly want to leave this household
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Writers are so talented. Your words are doing things to my mind, showing me ideas and connecting dots... inspiring my brain to connect MORE dots
Pure wizardry. It's scary
#rambles#text#<- burdened by thoughts#im so. ive been obsessed with dadow fics. i stg its so fun to read about#that or characters learning/coming to terms with identity and self.#learning to trust others#i live for that intrapersonal/interpersonal variance and interaction#how do they see themself? what changes that? what doesnt change?#how will they tackle an issue out of their control. or their comfort zone#DISABILITY. How do they manage disability or navigate their world. How does their worldview differ because of it#what does daily life look like for them. what are their dreams/goals/#their aspirations. their worries. can you see their past or mindset in how they love someone. in how they act or protect or cook or care#sorry. im tired and love creativity and seeing the stories we tell and feel need to be told#this is about storytelling in general but spurred on by me being tired and finding comfort in other people sharing experiences thru writing#maybe if i wrote stories instead of mini essays in tags id have a small fic out by now...#anyway dm me or hit me with fic recs i NEED to read
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gotta say i love the sheer bitchiness of everybody in lockwood n co. im SERIOUS.
#home cooked hijinks#lockwood and co#NO REALLY. i feel like so many characters in fiction are antagonistic for a bit and then become friends n have no personality ever again.#and they ARE friends. but i appreciate more than i can say that lockwood & george & especially lucy are good people#who are not perfect angelic saints to each other all the time!!!#they are jealous and rude and grumpy and insensitive in ways that feel intimately relatable to me.#the small cruelties and slipups of existence r presented in a sympathetic light that feels so rare especially for kids lit.#like. the fact that lucy gets to be rude and reckless and irrationally jealous#and the narrative never treats it as a sin or a trauma response or some fatal flaw to be solved so we can uncover the nice girl underneath#is fucking HUGE to me.#i see this weird attitude a lot about morally grey women in fiction where people will obsess and blorbify them for their Hot Sexy Evil Deed#but the second theyre just a bit nasty in an ordinary everyday sense they will get destroyed 4 it.#like. be so for real for a second.#irl most of us r not gonna be committing huge betrayals or crimes or murders.#and i LIKE stories about redemption for those things! i do!#but i also think it’s so important to recognize that not every wrong action has a grand sacrifice we can make in return.#we are all gonna be cruel in small human ways sometimes!!! it’s ok!! we just gotta be kind in those ways too.
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my mom's college is sooo nostalgic 😭
#i used to come here as a kid#when we had a holiday but mom and dad had jobs to mom would carry me and brother here#she has her own huge department and its separated from other staff rooms#and there's a huge blackboard that students would draw on with colorful chalks its still there 😭😭#and frames of different anatomical structures#and the kitchen inside#and menu cards prepared by students all over#she's home science and english teacher so she has it all a bit of nutrition stitching and sewing cooking medicine table manners#chemistry biology literally everything#and the students prepared files with pretty covers and id pick out all the decorations from the files when they passed out#and in practicals mom would make them prepare tastiest dishes everyone got a sweet and one savory to prepare#and mom always has craziest idea she loves cooking so you can imagine the dishes i got to taste#the glass and foil paintings are still there 😭😭🥹🥹#and the cutlery#there are lot more wall hangings now#and the one huge center table is reduced to two small tables#and the department has got one new teacher shes so young#i mean its not so grand but ofc its grand it contains my childhood#the canteen and bookstall don't work anymore no idea why the owners abandoned them after covid#im so 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹#im meeting my school friends here then we'll go shopping
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Me when the ... Me whe... When.... Uuhhhh.... W.. when the.... Um....
#obey me oc#obey me leviathan#if i have to work in public spaces so does he#i have to smile a lot and i dont like it#i dont like attending customers#i start to sweat alot from the sheer terror of those middle age people wanting fast food#they get mad when i dont have small ketchup sauces#i dont get it#why#how#random middle aged people get mad when we can't sell them some stuff bcs its cooking why can't they just wait for a moment whywhywhywhywhy#i just have to smile bcs i cant say anything back or they will call my boss#no amount of deodorant and clean clothes can hide my sweat each time i have to deliver food
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everyone pray for me that i did not just give myself food poisoning (;・∀・)
#i may have made a bad decision with the meat i cooked shdjdkl BUT I THINK IT'LL BE FINE#it was past the date on the packaging but it didnt smell or look or feel off at all so . i decided to risk it#and now im panicking bc i think perhaps that was actually rly stupid fhdkdl#but it was. so much money. i had no idea the date was so soon on the package when i got it from mum#I would've frozen it if I'd known dhdksl i should've looked#alas !!! i think it'll be fine tbh bc it genuinely did not seem spoiled at all so ... now we just pray#i had a fairly small serving of it and I'll see how i feel to figure out if the rest of it is safe to eat or not#im just fhdjdkl crying a little rn bc the past two days have been so awful and im so tired#i rly dont want to get sick on top of everything else going on#i would like one thing to go well fjdkdl just like. one thing. this feels like divine punishment for having the old lady group go so well#im just kind of losing my mind rn i think actually fhfkdl i have a therapy/counseling appt on monday though so we'll see if that helps#i do not have high hopes fjfkdl#MANNNN. can the universe give me a break PLEASE. I've been trying so hard the past three weeks to do well 😭😭#im putting in so much work and effort fhdksl can i PLEASE have this one thing go okay djdksl i do not want to get sick !!!#if i do get sick then im just. hhhhh. idk djdkdl it's just one more thing to add to my pile of Bad ig djdkdl what can ya do djdkdl#i am going to pull myself together and stop crying and go play stardew maybe idk fjdkdl i feel like im starting to crack a little bit#augh. augh. i would love to catch a break djdkdl#dandy.cmd#vent //
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The ADHD experience is forgetting where you set you cup down five minutes ago, but being able to pick up where you end off in a conversation you had 10 years ago. It's remembering the fine details of a book but forgetting who gave it to you, or if you bought it yourself. It's remembering a thing your best friend mentioned an interest in, but forgetting their birthday even though you've been best friends for 10+ years.
When we are bored, we become the equivalent of a husky in a cubicle. When the boredom gets bad, we break down, crying, and fall into a deep depression.
It's randomly getting the intense and overwhelming craving for a bowl of plain rice or a slice of bread with a little butter on it, and craving nothing else. Just this dose of carbs that brings absolute satisfaction.
It's fighting to convince your body to move and acquire food and water, but you remain trapped on the sofa, your brain and body will not move even though you haven't eaten or had anything to drink in 12 hours. You need to use the bathroom, your bladder is raging, and the only thing that finally gets your brain to behave is the pain.
ADHD isn't just some cute thing of being distracted with a case of the zoomies. It's a nightmare that results in losing jobs, poor eating habits, insomnia so bad you're awake for three days and fall asleep only because you're exhausted, and your home is filthy even though you desperately want to clean it up. There's nothing enjoyable about this fuckery.
#chaosfay talks#adhd#my hatred of vermin ants and other pests as well as my allergies are what keep my home clean. though i fight my brain so i can clean#the bathroom. the chemicals mess with my asthma so i wear a mask and gloves are necessary because of textures and skin reactions#i have a small wardrobe and hate shopping for clothes which means laundry gets done. a small house means it gets put away ASAP#but kitchen stuff? cooking is extremely difficult because i get distracted and forget to do things. ny husband is a professional#cook and enjoys cooking for me. we have a rice cooker now which means i'm eating lots of rice and satisfying my carb cravings#i have loud obnoxious alarms set up for med reminders especially now that i take meds twice a day instead of once a day#it's why i have meds set up in little organizers so i can just dump thr daily doses in my hand without trying to remember if i took them#it's why we're gonna remove the doors from the cupboards and cabinets and replace them with the kind you can see through#because out of sight out of mind 100% applies to my life. my cat is also very good at reminding me to feed her and clean her litter box#i might not remember your birthday but i can pick up our conversation from 10 years ago when i last saw you#even if i can't remember your name i will remember what we were chatting about as though it was only five minutes ago
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-->And with that, it was finally off to Van Liddelton Groceries once more! Alice got to open the place up this time, though first, I had her set the prices to “Sale” (aka 15% markup) down from the regular 25% markup. Why? Because they DO NOT need the money, and I wanted to see if stuff would sell faster if it was a little cheaper. She then got sent to have some zoomies to deal with her slowly-growing Fury (no wolfing out at work!) while Victor bunked down for a nap in the break room and Smiler went out to handle the sales floor (after consulting their future cube for advice, since I wanted them to do something while waiting for customers – “the cube abides,” apparently)! Amusingly, the very first Sim to show up for the day was L. Faba – guess she was tired of Morgyn getting all the attention whenever the gang visited the Magic Realm. XD (Which reminds me, I really gotta bind Victor’s dragon familiar to him already...) Anyway, after a bit of lag, Smiler was able to let off one of their patented vampiric happiness bursts for the incoming customers and chat with Catarina Lynx for a bit to try and convince her to buy stuff –
-->And then Alice came back, and I decided that I wanted her to make some more food downstairs rather than force her to chat with customers. A decision that led to me transferring $40,000 of their household funds over to the store so I could upgrade the downstairs kitchen area with the best Schmapple fridges and ovens, and add a counter by the corner so I could put in a stand mixer, a waffle iron, and a pizza oven! All in the blue swatches, since I thought those looked nice. :) I then had Alice use the bulk food processors from Simsonian Library to process some potato flour so she could whip up a batch of dough –
-->Aaand suddenly EVERYONE WAS BUYING SHIT. Yeah, apparently cheaper prices DO encourage more sales. I quickly had Alice run up there to help Smiler with the initial rush (since Victor was still working on taking care of his needs) – Catarina picked up a loaf of cheesy bread for $71; Christen a jar of blueberry jam for $80; and Janae a small mushroom for $5. We got a brief break while some of the customers got distracted by the sight of celebrity Brytani Cho in the store (long enough for Victor to get up and go to the bathroom), but after that and another annoying case of lag, the sales started coming again, with Bella Goth grabbing a box of dried sage for $413, and L. Faba getting a box of cheese for $621. I took a moment to check downstairs and saw that Alice’s dough was ready, so I had her go downstairs and grab that –
Aaand got an LE as she did so. However, that was shortly followed by customer Olivia grabbing an avocado from the produce fridges/warming racks, so I think the LE was actually related to that – specifically, to my Brazen Lotus stuff. Meh. At least I'm pretty sure I know what it is (the game doesn’t have a proper animation to play if a Sim is getting a normally-not-allowed-in-produce-fridges item out of a produce fridge, so it goes “hey”) and that it’s not TOO game-breaking!
#sims 4#the lazy save#victor van dort#alice liddell#smiler always#yeah I'd been meaning to lower their prices for a while now#as stated they do NOT need the money#and I want to get this place emptied so I can rethink what I want to sell and how I want to sell it#thinking of going toward a more 'prepared foods' model#we will see#in the meantime you can see things remain pretty busy on the lot#good thing Smiler loves socializing :p#and Victor and Alice can tolerate it :p#and I liked upgrading the processing area downstairs with the new small appliances#looks a little more professional now#Alice seems to enjoy using everything#though now I'm thinking we should have more than one of each appliance#so we could have multiple items getting cooked at once#I mean I have two ovens and two fridges already#things to ponder as we move forward!#and yeah that LE really does seem to be related to people trying to buy things out of the produce fridge#that normally wouldn't go in a produce fridge#and since I have a mod from Brazen Lotus that allows you to put things in the produce fridge that normally don't go there#not gonna worry about it for now but#it is a factor in me considering redoing the store a bit#we'll see what happens!#queued
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yes my sourdough turned out badly and yes my mother laughed at me for failing and YES i am crying like an idiot but i will be so brave about it and i will not let her meanness dissuade me from trying again
#i knew i fucked it up bc it didn't raise properly but i wanted to bake it anyway#and i was still so proud bc i made something. even if it was fucked up and bad i still did it#and ofc she came over and looked at it and laughed at me#all snotty saying ''you're not going to like it'' like i was stupid for even trying#im beginning to see where my issues are coming from lmao#im not even embarrassed bc i knew it wouldn't be right but. why does she always have to make me feel like im a fucking idiot#EVERY time i try something new she's super patronizing and treats me like im 12 years old#and when it does turn out well and im excited about it she gives me the cold shoulder for like a week#we aren't fucking competing to see who can be the better housewife. i just wanted to bake some fucking bread#i will not be ashamed. i will not let my mother make me feel small for trying something new.#this is why i still haven't told them about quilting#gritting my teeth i WILL eat my chewy fucked up sourdough and i WILL like it because i MADE it and SHE DIDN'T#and if she wants to act like this is a fucking competition that is her problem#i have met other mothers who are so kind and supportive and do it naturally because that is how they are#my mother will not be that way towards me but i can be that way towards myself. fuck her for making me feel worthless#i will move out and she will continue to think i can't even cook an egg without needing help#and i will thrive and barely speak to them and they will be confused and act victimized#and it is not my fucking problem
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Moved! But we are all #sillay and didn't sort internet sooo whoops. I Am beaming dragon thoughts directly into your brain though
#rangnar rambles#this place is falling apart buuut its cheap and not my last place so im loving it#we literally dont have furniture (it was leased as 'furnished') and we dont have a working oven. washing machine or kettle#BUT i never have to see my ex flatmates again#sounds like a win to me#and the last people left a magnetic dart board#who needs to cook or be able to shower when you can play darts in the not living room because there isnt one of those either#its very mojo dojo casa house rn#OH and everything is short#the cielings are 5'9 but none of us noticed bc we're small#and the SHOWER is 5'1. i am the only person who can use it standing 👍#this all sounds horrible but theres so many issues that it circled back round to funny#im genuinely having a great time#shocked that renting with good people goes well
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Let’s play a game of “How many sensory items can I accumulate before people suspect there’s something odd going on with my brain”
#like ok I can buy a lot of stuff; but they are never on impulse#I typically wait three days before buying something small and inexpensive after seeing it for the first time#that number increases with the amount of money I have to spend#because I MUST determine if I will like and use it before I even think about buying it#to the point where I was actually mulling over which cheap bamboo flute to get at a garage sale one time (there were two; I couldn’t choose)#and my dad was like ‘just get both; they’re only 25 cents a piece’ and I went ‘Oh? I’m allowed to do that… I forgot’#same with snacks and sweets#I cannot eat a large cookie twice in a day unless the second large cookie is a different flavor than the first#But I can eat as many small cookies as I want in a day; so long as they are in multiples of three#I can only eat one of each thing a day because it’s weird to eat the same ingredient for two meals in a day; unless it’s cooked differently#like scrambled eggs vs egg drop soup; but if I ate pancakes in the morning I won’t eat pancakes for dinner#unless they are leftovers from eating out#I can only comment once per meeting; otherwise it feels ick#anyway I bought a lot of sensory stuff in the past year lol#and I thought about each one before I bought it#I waited four whole months to buy chewelry when I knew I wanted some#but somehow that fail safe gets overridden if it’s a small business and they have something I’ve been looking for#because why wouldn’t I buy from a small business? we love our artisans in this household#especially if the business is owned by a minority group or nonprofit for a good cause
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starter call !! please like this for a plotted starter. this is for those i’ve laid the groundwork with. i won’t be doing random starters this time.
#so i can cook something small up#it’d get things moving if we have plotted before or laid out an idea where to start our muses off#❛ ⦗ ᴄᴏᴅᴇ ɴᴀᴍᴇ ☾ ∶ ⁎﹡☆ ᴛᴡɪʟɪɢʜᴛ ⁎﹡☆ ⸺ ooc .
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