#so that may have decreased the price!

[desperatepleasures]

ok yeah there's no way kantarou can afford condoms

you know the wip's getting real when it has you on jstor looking up articles about the history of condom use in japan

[thymewayster]

Really good Twitter thread originally about Elon Musk and Twitter, but also applies to Netflix and a lot of other corporations.

Full thread. Text transcription under cut.

John Bull @garius

One of the things I occasionally get paid to do by companies/execs is to tell them why everything seemed to SUDDENLY go wrong, and subs/readers dropped like a stone. So, with everything going on at Twitter rn, time for a thread about the Trust Thermocline /1

So: what's a thermocline?

Well large bodies of water are made of layers of differing temperatures. Like a layer cake. The top bit is where all the the waves happen and has a gradually decreasing temperature. Then SUDDENLY there's a point where it gets super-cold.

That suddenly is important. There's reasons for it (Science!) but it's just a good metaphor. Indeed you may also be interested in the "Thermocline of Truth" which a project management term for how things on a RAG board all suddenly go from amber to red.

But I digress. The Trust Thermocline is something that, over (many) years of digital, I have seen both digital and regular content publishers hit time and time again. Despite warnings (at least when I've worked there). And it has a similar effect. You have lots of users then suddenly... nope. And this does effect print publications as much as trendy digital media companies. They'll be flying along making loads of money, with lots of users/readers, rolling out new products that get bought. Or events. Or Sub-brands.

And then SUDDENLY those people just abandon them. Often it's not even to "new" competitor products, but stuff they thought were already not a threat. Nor is there lots of obvious dissatisfaction reported from sales and marketing (other than general grumbling). Nor is it a general drift away, it's just a sudden big slide. So why does this happen? As I explain to these people and places, it's because they breached the Trust Thermocline.

I ask them if they'd been increasing prices. Changed service offerings. Modified the product.

The answer is normally: "yes, but not much. And everyone still paid" Then I ask if they did that the year before. Did they increase prices last year? Change the offering? Modify the product?

Again: "yes, but not much."

The answer is normally: "yes, but not much. And everyone still paid." "And the year before?"

"Yes but not much. And everyone still paid."

Well, you get the idea. And here is where the Trust Thermocline kicks in. Because too many people see service use as always following an arc. They think that as long as usage is ticking up, they can do what they like to cost and product.

And (critically) that they can just react when the curve flattens But with a lot of CONTENT products (inc social media) that's not actually how it works. Because it doesn't account for sunk-cost lock-in.

Users and readers will stick to what they know, and use, well beyond the point where they START to lose trust in it. And you won't see that. But they'll only MOVE when they hit the Trust Thermocline. The point where their lack of trust in the product to meet their needs, and the emotional investment they'd made in it, have finally been outweighed by the physical and emotional effort required to abandon it. At this point, I normally get asked something like:

"So if we undo the last few changes and drop the price, we get them back?"

And then I have to break the news that nope: that's not how it works.

Because you're past the Thermocline now. You can't make them trust you again.

[fading-event-608]

You may have seen my previous post [here] where I lament about daily donation decreases while getting large amounts of reblogs.

I still update Falastin's campaign daily, hanging on every donation. The trend of notes far outweighing donations has not only continued - it is getting worse. Despite Falastin’s campaign being vetted both here on tumblr and on Instagram, Instagram nets no donations, and Tumblr nets so few in spite of the campaign receiving constant updates and attention. 

In the last 24 hours she received only 55 dollars. This campaign needs to provide for 24 people - the rate donations are currently coming in is far below the necessary minimum for their survival. Prices in Gaza are astronomically high, but even if they were similar to prices in the US, and even if we take a better day like yesterday, $200 in donations - approximately $8.33 per family member - would not be enough to survive on. Would YOU be able to survive on that money? This must buy food, water, medicine, and all other supplies, including tents. Half of the family is currently sleeping on the street, and what little shelter they have access to will not keep winter off their backs. 

They have been displaced more than twenty times. With each displacement, they lose a great deal, because the time they have to evacuate is not enough for them to pack up their belongings. This is only getting worse for them. Meanwhile, people who have the luxury of turning away seem to do so more and more. Falastin doesn’t have that luxury - these are her loved ones in danger. So many of her family members have been martyred already. She cannot lose anyone else.

You stand at a point in history, and in many years you will look back on yourself now and see either action or inaction. You know which one you will regret more. This is why people are angry at those posts, why they scream of scams - because it's much better for your consciousness to have excuses for inaction.

An action does not need to be some grand noticeable gesture - small actions are just as meaningful, if done at a pace that allows them to add up. If you act alongside everyone, they may add up still more. 

Please don’t just reblog this. Find some other small way that you can help, and take that action. Maybe send this campaign to a friend or a family member, or link it in a groupchat. Even if you can’t personally donate, there’s a chance that someone you know would like to.

Please check today's rates before donating:

10$ = 102 SEK

25$ = 257 SEK

50$ = 514 SEK

100$ = 1,029 SEK

Vetting info: #282 in El-Shab-Hussein and Nabulsi's spreadsheet [here], #957 in the Butterfly Project spreadsheet [here]

Falastin's account: [link]

[familyabolisher]

I've walked past the Barbie branded selfie booth, sat through the reel of old commercials that precede the previews, and watched Margot Robbie learn to cry, and I’m still not sure what “doing the thing and subverting the thing,” which Greta Gerwig claimed as the achievement of Barbie in a recent New York Times Magazine profile, could possibly mean. This was the second Gerwig profile the magazine has run. I wrote the first one, in 2017, which in hindsight appears like a warning shot in a publicity campaign that has cemented Gerwig’s reputation as so charming and pure of heart that any choice (we used to call them compromises) she makes is justified, a priori, by her innocence. This is a strange position for an adult to occupy, especially when the two-hour piece of branded content she is currently promoting hinges on a character who discovers that her own innocence is the false product of a fallen world. But—spoiler alert!—the point of Barbie’s “hero’s journey” is less to reconcile Barbie to death than to reconcile the viewer to culture in the age of IP.

“Doing the thing and subverting the thing”: I haven’t finished working out the details, but I think the rough translation would be Getting rich and not feeling feel bad about it. (Or, for the viewer: Having a good time and not feeling bad about it.) One must labor under a rather reduced sense of the word “subvert” to be impressed with poking loving fun at product misfires such as Midge (the pregnant Barbie), Tanner (the dog who poops), and the Ken with the earring, especially given that the value of all these collectors’ items has, presumably, not decreased since the film opened. Barbie may feature a sassy tween sternly informing Robbie’s Stereotypical Barbie that the tiny-waisted top-heavy billion-dollar business she represents has made girls “feel bad” about themselves, but if anyone uttered the word “anorexia,” I missed it. (There was a reason Todd Haynes told the story of Karen Carpenter’s life and death with Barbies, and it wasn’t because an uncanny piece of molded plastic has the magical power to resolve the contradictions of girlhood and global capitalism.) There’s a bit about Robbie going back into a box in the Mattel boardroom, but Barbies aren’t made in an executive suite; they come from factories in China. On the one hand, it’s weird for a film about a real-world commodity to unfold wholly in the realm of ideas and feelings, but then again, that’s pretty much the definition of branding. Mattel doesn’t care if we buy Barbie dolls—they’re happy to put the word “Barbie” on sunglasses and T-shirts, or license clips from the movie for an ad for Google. OK, here’s my review: When Gerwig first visited Mattel HQ in October 2019, the company’s stock was trading at less than twelve dollars a share. Today the price is $21.40. 

Christine Smallwood, Who Was Barbie?

[codnasties]

kinktober ₊˚ · ♡ ·˚₊ price & gaz ₊˚ · ♡ ·˚₊ help needed

price isn't getting any younger. as days go by, his hips hurt more, and his back is starting to give up on him after carrying so much weight during his military years. and having a young missus doesn't help him at all.

don't get me wrong, he loves you, you are the best thing that has happened to him, and he sometimes wonders if he really deserves you. but he can't no longer keep up with you and lustiflness. especially now that his stamina is rapidly decreasing.

he really wants to give you his everything, fuck you dumb on his hard and thick cock until you are begging for him to stop. but that isn't really an option for him, his body doesn't allow him that kind of stuff anymore. there are days whene the most he can give you is laying down on his back and letting you ride his cock as if it were your personal dildo. letting you get off using him while also milking him dry.

but that's only a temporary solution, he feels like he's failing you by not fully satistying your needs and he fully dreads the idea that he may need help to keep pace with your - what for him seems - continuous aroused state.

but for you he's willing to do anything to make you happy. luckily, there is no better person than gaz to help him with the problem at hand. john knows that the young blooded man would quite literally die for him, and is very much willing to help his captain with anything that he may need. oh, and john also knows that kyle has the hots for the pretty thing that he has waiting for him at home.

he somehow made it work, your - what you called - 'dick appointments' with kyle were amazing. they usually were either at his house or rarely at yours. because if they were at yours, price would have to inevitably hear your loud moans while getting roughly fucked.

truly, jealousy gets the gest of him. but he's also curious. he wants to see how good kyle makes you feel, wants to enjoy the view of your pleasured face that he no longer gets to see that much. and he also wants to look at your pussy fluttering around his sargeant's cock.

but he doesn't get directly involved, you know? he might look. sometimes dirty talk to you telling you how much of a whore you are and that you seem to be enjoying another man's dick too much - all with no bad intent -. he even rarely jerked off to the sight, but that's about it.

and even though your fuck-dates with gaz started for the sole purpose of quenching a thirst john couldn't keep up with, there was only so much the captain could handle before he started waning to be a part of those.

and fucking with gaz soon turned into getting spit roasted. gaz fucking into your wet cunt from behind, getting a good view of your round ass. all while price was sitting right in front of you, having you between his thick thighs, with his heavy cock weighting down on your tongue as you tired to suck him off as best that your habilities alowed through the pleasure that garrick was giving you.

and the mix of slight jealousy and and the lust that brought him seeing you get properly fucked was what made price end up in a position similar to the one that he started at: laying down with you sitting on his dick trying to get off.

the only difference being that gaz was now there. his aching boner sheathed in your tight ass while price was inside your wet cunt. and john was thankfull that kyle was there, making you completely full, arms wrapped around your middle usind his strenght to move you up and down and forcing you even lower, making them reach even deeper inside of you.

what started as a solution to his problemas, made price end up in some kind of poly situation, but now you end up with both holes filled with cum instead of one.

[bonyfish]

HOT N' FRESH COMMISSIONS

Hello friends it is me your pal Livali. As you may know (or may have intuited from the above masterpiece), my day job consists of delivering (mostly) food items to people in my small city via one of those vaguely predatory and largely unregulated gig delivery services. The thing about my town is that during the summer, the college students leave and the town's population--and thus the number of people ordering delivery--decreases by half. This makes it rather hard to make a living.

So anyway I am open for art commissions!

Here are some samples of my work:

More samples, prices, and info are available at my website here!

(I would still love to draw your characters kissing.)

[reasonsforhope]

"Starting in July 2024, California will be the first state to charge an excise tax on guns and ammunition. The new tax – an 11% levy on each sale – will come on top of federal excise taxes of 10% or 11% for firearms and California’s [7.5]% sales tax (x).

The National Rifle Association has characterized California’s Gun Violence Prevention and School Safety Act as an affront to the Constitution. But the reaction from the gun lobby and firearms manufactures may hint at something else: the impact that the measure, which is aimed at reducing gun violence, may have on sales.

As a professor who studies the economics of violence and illicit trades at the University of San Diego’s Kroc School of Peace Studies, I think this law could have important ramifications.

One way to think about it is to compare state tax policies on firearms with those on alcohol and tobacco products. It’s not for nothing that these all appear in the name of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives, also known as ATF...

The ATF focuses on those products because, while legal, they can cause significant harm to society – in the form of drunken driving, for example, or cancer-causing addictions. They also have a common history: All have been associated with criminal organizations seeking to profit from illicit markets.

Alcohol and tobacco products are thus usually subject to state excise taxes. This policy is known as a “Pigouvian tax,” named after 20th-century British economist Arthur Pigou. By making a given product more expensive, such a tax leads people to buy less of it, reducing the harm to society while generating tax revenue that the state can theoretically use to offset those harms that still accrue.

California, for instance, imposes a US$2.87 excise tax on each pack of cigarettes. That tax is higher than the national average but much lower than New York’s $5.35 levy. California also imposed a vaping excise tax of 12.5% in 2021.

Of the three ATF product families, firearms have enjoyed an exemption from California excise taxes. Until now...

How Much Will the Policy Help?

It’s unclear how the new tax will affect gun violence. In theory, the tax should be highly effective. In 2023, some colleagues and I modeled the U.S. market for firearms and determined that for every 1% increase in price, demand decreases by 2.6%. This means that the market should be very sensitive to tax increases.

Using these estimates, another colleague recently estimated that the California excise tax would reduce gun sales by 30% to 44%. If applied across the country, the tax could generate an additional $1.5 billion to $1.9 billion in government revenue.

One possible problem will come from surrounding states: It’s already easy to illegally transport guns bought in Nevada, where laws are more lax, to the Golden State.

But there’s some evidence that suggests California’s stringent policies won’t be neutralized by its neighbors.

When the federal assault weapons ban expired in 2004, making it much easier to buy AR- and AK-style rifles across much of the U.S., gun murders across the border in Mexico skyrocketed. Two studies show the exception was the Mexican state of Baja California, right across the border with California, which had kept its state-level assault weapons ban in place.

Gun seizures in Mexico show that all four U.S. states bordering Mexico rank in the top five state sources of U.S.-sold guns in Mexico. But California contributes 75% less than its population and proximity would suggest.

So, California laws seem to already be making a difference in reducing gun violence. I believe the excise tax could accomplish still more. Other states struggling against the rising tide of guns will be watching closely."

-via The Conversation, May 21, 2024

[yandere-kokeshi]

Hii, going through the worst period of my life now :⁠^⁠) . Would be mw2 character's reaction with a partner with painful periods

Warnings: yandere behavior, descriptions of periods, and blood, my opinion of characters backgrounds (specifically Kyle's)

A/N: I'm so sorry, dovey!! I hope these headcanons make you a bit better <3

Captain “Price” John:

He feels terrible, especially when he comes home to you cuddled up in bed, wearing one of his large t-shirts, and a bunch of groans coming from you. 

John’s mental-talk is that he knows cuddles, and spoiling you will help; which is what he does. He gets whatever you want, especially a new heating blanket, with some fluffy pillows. Major cuddling is expected, with him rubbing your stomach, and making sure to get deep into the muscles where it stings for you.  

Keeps your cycle on his phone and on the calendar — very expressive when asking if you need to be restocked, and if it does come when it’s reminded on the calendar, he’ll frown and say: “The Red Army back in town, huh?”

Emotional days are the worst, especially if you don’t notice that you’re being snarky, or in a cry-to-angry mood. With it said, John treats your mood swings like any other day, not taking things personal. He knows it’s the hormones, anxiety, and overwhelmedness of your bleeding and pain, to which he accepts that it can and will drive you mad.  

Does everything in the house, even if you feel obligated to do it. Of course, he’s kissing on you, loving on you whenever he gets the chance; but he doesn’t want you to worry about anything else but yourself. 

At times, you may feel embarrassed within the hell week; waking up to see the bloody red sheets. This said, John isn’t grossed out at all, telling you to just jump in the shower as he cleans it all up; shaking his head whenever you apologize: “Happens, darlin’; get in the shower, I’ll make breakfast, m’kay?”

If you do bleed through your pants, especially in public, John always brings an extra pair of clothes; packed in the back of the trunk in his car. Though, if he can’t get to it, he’ll purposely wrap his large jacket around your lower waist — covering it up with you being ‘cold’.

Simon “Ghost” Riley:

He hates seeing you in any pain, especially if it’s one he cannot control or decrease in size — but unlike Price, he’s not so sure what to do. As much as he’s attentive towards you, and quite helpful, Simon is unsure how to properly comfort you; it’s never been his best strategy to distract, or comfort. But he tries. 

If things are incredibly bad, where having to change boxers every hour, or having the worst cramps that leaves you sobbing and not being able to move, he’ll be more attentive. Pain medication every few hours, food that leaves you full, and heating patches that he runs out and gets frequently. He tries his best, but due to him being a guy and not understanding how it feels, he may say or do things awkwardly. But that doesn’t mean he’s not carrying, he really does, he’s just never had a period. 

Is unfazed and never angry when seeing the blood, no matter how much you apologize or feel embarrassed. As long as it’s coming from a menstrual cycle, and not some major wound, he’s all good and telling you off to jump in the bath; taking care of things, and leaving you his large t-shirt on the washroom lid for you to wear when you get out. 

Simon understands that your emotions are harder to control, especially since you’re drowning in blood. He’s fine with you snapping at him, or crying out of anger because of the pain and his very annoying existence. With this said, he makes it up with ice cream, and leaves you alone when sensed. Coming back every 45-to-an-hour to check up on you, and if you apologize, he just shrugs his shoulders: “Don’t worry about it, understand why ya’ act like it.”

Herbal tea is mostly given to you, especially during nights. He wants to help with balancing everything out, and ease the deathly pains. He always gives you a candy bar at that, too; wanting you to relish the taste before helping you to bed. 

Another thing he gives is massages. Where you want his golden hands, they’re there, relieving some pain and ensuring to get rid of the knots. Simon gives kisses out, patterning along your neck and cheek, talking to you with his gruff and rough voice. 

Kyle “Gaz” Garrick:

Quite attentive, especially since he grew up with sisters. He understands the whereabouts of periods, extreme pain, and the large package it comes with. So, out of everyone, Kyle is stocked full of supplies, knowing exactly what to do, and not taking things personally when you lash out. 

A major cuddler when it comes down to him finding you crouched over in pain. Kyle would make sure everything for you is perfect, spooning you from behind whilst holding a heating pad to your aching stomach. He tries to joke around, wanting you to feel a bit better with jokes, but mostly keeps it quiet with the low-volume TV.

He knows when you get your period, often picking up on your mood changes, and quickly makes sure everything is up-to-date, including salty, spicy, and sweet treats that he knows you’ll enjoy that are stored in the pantry. 

Spoils you up to 100%, he makes sure that the sheets each day are warm and freshly washed. Restocking your necessary needs, and buying you snacks that he hopes you won’t eat in a day. He’s fine with your routine, following you to bed and massaging your back when it becomes too much, or making you a mixed bowl of M&M’s and popcorn. 

Kyle is considerably easy to be around, even if your emotions are everywhere. He knows that during the horrible week you’ll start doubting yourself, and becoming quite irritable over everything. This said, he’s very understanding and always here to reassure you; especially if everything comes down like a rumbling rock, and you start crying. He knows that the cramps hurt, and it’s just your hormones being wacky, which, when you’re being snarky, or rude, he doesn’t take it personally and rather asks what he can do to help you.

When you stain the sheets, or your clothes, he makes no fuss about it, waving your embarrassment with a smile. If you continue on with apologizing, cheeks flushed and mumbling on, Kyle will cup your cheeks and make you look into his eyes: “It happens, honey. Jus’ jump in the shower, and I’ll join you if ya’ want, okay?”

When everything becomes too much, and you’re overwhelmed, crying yourself to sleep while the wind whistles at the window, Kyle will stay with you. Wrapping you up in soft blankets, holding you whilst pressing kisses on your cheeks and shoulders; whispering loving words and telling you how strong you are for surviving this every 28 days.

Johnny “Soap” MacTavish:

At a young age, his mother taught him very strictly on how to treat his lover when they are on their period. With this, he’s extremely attentive, and has the bathroom stocked with everything you need; the calendar day circled in red for remembrance. 

Johnny is really excellent at picking up cues, especially during your period. He’s quick to learn how to deal with certain things and what makes you feel better. He may be uncertain with some stuff, such as mood changes, but he knows better than to comment on it. 

The whole time, he’s all over you, even if nothing hurts. Johnny is constantly supplying you with many heating pads, cuddles and kisses, and the food you love to snack on. Most of the time, you’re wearing his clothes, and hoodies. He buys you a bunch of chocolate, and flowers depending on the day of the week; doing anything to put a smile on your pretty face.  

He really enjoys preparing nice baths on the days when it’s extremely painful. Using bath salts to relax your aching muscles. With how attentive he is, and being practically hovering, he’s sitting outside the tub, talking to you and ensuring that he’s not disgusted or embarrassed by the flowing blood in the water. 

Speaking of blood, he isn’t grossed out all about you staining your clothes, or the bedsheets; it happens, and it can’t be controlled — much more playfully joking around when you being a ‘hot bloody mess’, and trying to direct your embarrassment to jumping in the shower. When you get out, new boxers and his hoodie is awaiting you on the bed, as well as a massage and a bunch of kisses. 

When struggling with mood swings, and becoming a bit rude, Johnny rarely takes them offensively — taking them with stride, and nodding with duck lips, leaving the room and coming back with comfort food. Of course, at times, the words you spill sting, but he never takes the things personal. 

—

Masterlist || Reblogs, comments, and likes are very much appreciated!! Stay well!!

© yandere-kokeshi 2023 — Do not copy, modify, edit, repost, or use my works for ASMR readings, tiktoks, or other content.

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Rip Cheato

Debut: Paper Mario

Hello! I am glad you made it. You are just in time, because some guy is here. He's here looking for You! He wants to sell you a Dried Mushroom for 64 coins. Will you buy it? It's not a good deal, but consider this: he has a sort of lamp antenna growing from his scalp. I think that is pretty cool, personally.

He probably makes good use of his lamptenna, since he lives in the sewer. I bet a Sewer Man would know his fungus! Maybe his Dried Mushrooms are impeccable. Maybe he even dries them with his lamp. Don't be judgemental, now. Don't judge someone because his name is derived from "ripoff" and "cheat". Are you the kind of person who would immediately assume someone smells bad, just because their name is Poop Fartley? You better not be. Rip Cheato's name is a little deceiving because while he does sell junk for 64 coins, if you buy what he offers, he'll also sell Star Pieces for 64 coins, and Hoo-Wee! That's a Hot Commodity! I trust him. I think he's just being cheeky for fun.

Name: Chet Rippo

Debut: Paper Mario

Now this guy is whuzzah! What's the deal with this guy! Rip Cheato is weird, true, being strangely human in a game where those are quite limited, but he has a theme going on. He looks like a Sewer Man. Now here we have Chet Rippo, who is some sort of alien platypus clown umbrella? I don't know what he is, but I think it is absolutely splendid. To quote an ancient philosopher:

"Sometimes in life, there is a weird guy." -Opabinia

If I didn't know any better, I might think Chet Rippo would appear from a UFO or circus tent or perhaps a dimensional portal. He doesn't! He just hangs out in Toad Town. He's a weird guy, but a weird guy is still a guy, you know? Except this is no normal guy because he can alter Mario's abilities! For 39 coins he will raise Marios HP, FP, or BP by two points, but- and this is important- he says "heh heh". That means he's shady! For each stat he increases, he will decrease the others each by one!

This makes Chet Rippo far stranger of a guy. Someone in real life could sell you overpriced garbage. But someone in real life altering your stats for a low price? Scary to think about! Imagine someone granting you the ability to remember twice as many bug facts as you currently can, but also making the vision in your left eye worse and making you 25% more sensitive to cold. Frightening magic! But at least the guy doing it is a funny creature.

Chet Rippo appears in The Thousand Year Door as well, but like, does he really? This is a whole different design, and it's not nearly as fun... Eyes In A Void Wizards are fun by default, and so is wearing a barrel on one's head, but this game has a bunch of Eyes In A Void Wizards, and this guy used to be one of the weirdest creatures in the entire game! To hell with this guy. Let's look at his better version again.

Look at him go! Like a flapjack octopus! His arms are even like the fluttering fins! Could he truly just be a big octopus wearing a weird hat? We may never know...

[junebugzzz]

emergency commissions open!!!

hey everyone! so i've recently had to go no contact with my abusive family, and it's left me in a critical situation since i was financially dependent on them. i didn't have the chance to prepare for this, and there's a whole whirlwind of visa issues before I can safely be back in my country, but i don't wanna let up on it. because of this situation i'm opening up emergency commissions to help me sustain myself throughout this. this would help feed me, keep me under a roof and help my finances as I deal with shitty visa bureaucracy. i'm not entirely safe in my situation either and any commission i take improves my situation. even if you can't support me by buying my work, please reblog! please please reblog!! it helps me get to other people who can help me. i'm also working on opening nsfw commissions soon! keep an eye out for that on any of my tumblr accounts if you'd be interested. you could also dm me to be in a tag list. in the meantime, if you'd like to tip me, here's my Ko-Fi!

examples:

(i'm on a small time frame to get this post up and get some money in so excuse the bad examples, but i promise i can what you'd be paying for)

prices:

*PLEASE NOTE: i CAN charge full cost per added character - this is unless the additional character is a background character or a character with an otherwise lower amount of required effort. in that case the added character is billed according to the effort needed. In any case, just ask! i promise i don't bite :) we could discuss it and come up with what works for both of us.

how to commission me:

just send me a message with the following info:

a description of the artwork you'd like me to create. it could be ocs, fandom characters or real people. NOTE: i may have a couple limitations with fandom characters (if i dont know them) and real people - just ask!

any (good quality) reference images or inspiration that would help me understand what you want out of this piece.

your preferred communication method (tumblr, discord or email) for revisions and other related conversation.

i'll respond with a concept drawing and a quote, and we can discuss from there! depending on the complexity you'd want me to achieve in your commission, i could increase or decrease how much I ask for. dw, i won't charge you anything without discussing it with you first.

terms:

Payment is to be made via PayPal (preferably in USD) before work has begun.

I retain ownership of the art. Credit me when you use my work. For non-commercial use only.

I reserve the right to turn down or cancel a commission (with a refund in case of a cancelation) at any point if I see it fit.

Please send me clear references so I can better gauge what you want from my work.

Let me know in advance if you don't want your commission to be displayed on my social media, I'll respect it.

The finished commission will be sent via either discord or gmail (whichever you opt)

Commissions can take anywhere from 2 to 15 days to finish, depending on both the complexity of the work and any uncontrollable circumstances from my end.

[tinydefector]

Kinktober Day 2

Frame Modification- Rodimus x Reader

Word count: 1.3k

Warnings: Nsfw, smut, genital modification, strap ons?, human/ Cybertronian.

@tf-kinktober2024

Day 1

Day 3

______________

The human stares at Rodimus for a moment with a raised eyebrow looking at the boxes of equipment. "So what exactly is all of this?" They ask looking over the different components in them. Rodimus scratches his helm sheepishly. "Well, uh, you know my size can be, heh, problematic when it comes to interfacing with you. Don't want to accidentally hurt you due to the size" 

He offers a lopsided grin. "So Perceptor and I have been tinkering. These doodads should decrease my, um, girth and increase sensitivity without compromising structure or function, if his calculations hold up." 

Rodimus clutches a box hopefully. "I care for you and I know how much you like what we have going on but i want you to be able to have more" His field radiates shy affection. 

"Your... downgrading, for me?" They nearly whisper while looking over the three boxes. There were more than one spike mod in the boxes and it made them wonder just how long Rodimus had been planning this.

Rodimus rubs the back of his helm sheepishly. "Well, yeah. This is important to me too, you know?" He gestures to the boxes. "Perceptor and I have been working on different prototypes for a while now. Wanna make sure we get it just right, so they are interchangeable."

Chuckling softly, Rodimus adds, "We may have gone a little overboard with the sampling options." Taking his lover's hands in his gently, Rodimus meets their gaze. "I love you. Your happiness and safety with me means everything to me. If modifying myself helps ensure that, it's a small price." 

Squeezing softly, he smiles. "So what d'you say we try 'em out, see which fits and what you like?" He's hoping he hadn't scared them with this information, but he did truly love them and wanted to give them the best he could. 

It makes them laugh. "I'd love to. Do all of the pieces interchange?" They inquire while pulling one of the spike mods out looking it over. This one had bright pink lights up the underside but was a bit too large in their hands larger than their arm. Rodimus perks up at the sound of their laughter, fia warm smile falling onto his face. "Sure do!" he replies. "Perce made 'em with modularity in mind." 

Leaning in, he points out how the piece in their servos connects. "That one plugs into my panel port. Then the shaft and tip snap together for a secure fit, each piece will fit to the others to integrate." Rodimus smiles before continuing "Pink light show's a bit flashy for me though. what'd you think of the sleek navy or copper ones?" Ever keen to please, he holds them up for his loger to look at.   

In truth they never thought they would be sitting there with Rodimus looking at essentially Strap-ons. " I do like the top part of the silver one there, the rest of it is just a little too thick. Might work nicely with the shaft of the Orange one which I do like the lights on and it doesn't look as long as my forearm" they laugh while pointing over to the spike as Rodimus picks it up. The tip wasn't as wide as some of the others. "How do you pull them apart and put them together? Can you show me?"

Rodimus chuckles, field pulsing with affection as he examines the proposed frankenspike. "Good eye! I think you're right - silver tip and orange shaft could be a winner." He deftly twists the pieces apart to demonstrate. "The connector ports are threaded, see? Just twist counter-clockwise to separate, then clockwise to join another piece securely." 

Reassembling the hybrid mod, Rodimus presents it proudly. "Well? What do you think - looks like it'll hit all the right nodes but still leave your ports feeling snug?" They laugh at his wording of it but in truth they were enjoying every moment of this. 

"Never thought I'd be saying that this looks so pretty. Do they connect up with your bio-lights and pulse the same colour? And how exactly do you attach it to yourself?" As much as they were loving the fact that they and Rodimus would be able to be intimate they are so curious over how it all works.

Rodimus grins, field alight. "Never think I'd be so pleased by a compliment on my crotch accessory collection!" It makes them both burst into laughter wheezing. " but Yea, the light circuits sync right up with my biolights so it'll pulse and change colours"

Rodimus releases his interface panel which at the moment didn't have an attachment, he's rather swift with reattaching the chosen mod in its place. pressurises his lines, watching struts and panels adjust flawlessly around the new appendage. "Seamless integration. The connection anchors it securely while also transferring sensory feedback in real time." Rodimus smiles shyly. "Wanna touch it?." He teases revving his engine. 

"Ready for a test drive when you are, sweetspark. I'll go slow and you tell me what you think. Your feelings are my top priority here.” He excitedly remarks. "Can we keep the other pieces too, I think this would be something fun to try and test other pieces over time." Rodimus lights up at their question, excitement filling him. "A collection? I like the way you think!" 

"Now then, shall we?" He radiates eager anticipation, "I'm primed and ready to make you sing, sweetspark. Just give me the word." He slowly strokes the smaller mod as the sensation jolts through him. 

"Eager are we" they tease, It was strange seeing the new one when they were so used to Rodimus' original Spike but in truth it suited him well. "Sure thing hot shot. I want a show" they giggle sitting back eager to watch.

Carefully he braces himself before encircling the new modification digit rubbing across the tip. Slow, steady pumps elicit delightful shivers up his struts as sensory feedback loops. The lights along the spike light up in the deep orange colour and pulse with each stroke. 

A loud moan falls from his vocalizer. His engine purrs louder, Optics half-shuttering, Rodimus meets their gaze with a loving smirk. "Like what you see? gorgeous - just say the word and I'm yours all night."

They shake their heads in amusement. "I want to watch you work that spike Roddy, I like watching you come undone with your servo, dial up the sensitivity" they instruct. Eager to just watch the mech touch himself.

Rodimus chuckles. "As you wish." He begins stroking it much quicker, the sound of his joints popping and grinding join the mix of noises he makes.  "How's it feel?" Rodimus vented softly, digits exploring the synthetic spike's sensory net with increasing awe, he had never had one which felt like this and it was making his joints weak from how quickly it had over charged his system, hot air blasting through his fans.

 "Incredible... it feels so sensitive." Another moan slips from him sounding more like a whimpered whine of bliss. He gazed at his partner in a haze of affection. "Primus i cant wait to see how you feel clenched around my spike, bet you'll be so warm and soft. Might just be overloaded thinking about it."  

"You going to overload, thought you had better stamina roddy" They tease watching the way his plating shutters as he quickened his pace. Rodimus whimpers out while his voice goes rather static. "Hey, cut me some slack - this new array packs way more sensation than the old one. Gonna take some getting used to!" 

He overloads into his servo rather quickly. Their eyes focus on the fluid that runs down his servo, it wasn't the light pink one they were used to seeing come from him. “ Did you also change your fluids?” they hum moving closer to brush their hand against his spike. It makes Rodimus jolt as he loudly moans. “Frag!” he calls out platting, shuttering and overheating as he tries to come down from the overwhelming sensation. 

“mmmm, yea.. wanted something a little more body safe for you” he admits,it earns him a kiss from them. 

_________________

Let me know if you would like to be added to tag list (tagged for every fic)

Taglist

@angelxcvxc

@saturnhas82moons

@kgonbeiden

@murkyponds

@autobot79

@buddee

@bubblyjoonjoon

@chaihena

@pyreemo

@lovenotcomputed

@mskenway97

@delectableworm

@cheesecaketyrant

@ladyofnegativity

@desertrosesmetaldune

@stellasfallow

@coffee-or-hot-cocoa

@shinseiokami

@tea-loving-frog

@aquaioart

@daniel-meyer-03

@pupap123

@dannyaleksis

@averysillylittlefellow

@rosielecktor

@shurushurubanban

@wosemoose1

@strawberrydutchling

@azuragalaxya

@dumpster-fae

@simp-sentral

[simply-ivanka]

Germany Should Have Listened to Trump

Tuesday 2.27.2024 Wall Street Journal

By Walter Russell Mead

Trump was right about Berlin’s self-defense and risky energy dependence on Russia.

The lower house of Germany’s Parliament voted to legalize the recreational use of cannabis last week. It was a timely move. Germany’s leadership class is going to need all the mellow it can find in a world that isn’t going Germany’s way.

Russian advances in Ukraine and American paralysis over the next aid package are reinforcing the reality that Germany needs to defend itself but lacks the power to do so. So are developments in the Red Sea, where German manufacturers must cope with shipping delays as the Biden administration fails to keep the vital waterway clear.

Forget the 2% of gross domestic product that Germany has repeatedly promised and failed to spend on defense. Defense Minister Boris Pistorius shocked many observers this month when he said that in the new world situation, Germany may have to spend as much as 3.5% of GDP for defense.

The economic news is also grim. Last year Germany’s GDP shrank 0.3%, and last week the government slashed 2024 growth estimates to a pitiful 0.2%. Economists expect negative growth during the first quarter of 2024, placing the country in recession. The outlook for housing is bleak, with business confidence reaching all-time lows. The news in manufacturing is little better. This month the widely followed HCOB German Flash Composite Purchasing Managers’ Index fell to 46.1, the eighth month in a row that the index has pointed to decreasing economic activity.

Energy prices are a particular sore spot. The chemical giant BASF announced €1 billion in spending cuts in its German operations, blaming a mix of weak demand in the German market and “structurally higher energy prices.” Enormous U.S. subsidies under the so-called Inflation Reduction Act are leading German companies to look across the Atlantic.

Chinese competition is another massive worry. China long ago passed Germany as the world’s largest car producer. Increasingly, especially in electric vehicles, it is challenging Germany as both a low-cost and high-quality manufacturer. Beijing aims to marginalize German capital goods and automobile companies in China while Chinese exporters challenge German dominance in world markets.

With the associations representing the small and medium-size Mittelstand firms that make up the heart of the German economy warning in a rare joint open letter about Germany’s loss of competitiveness, Economy Minister Robert Habeck isn’t mincing words. The economy is in “rough waters.” The “competitiveness of Germany as an industrial location” is in doubt.

It isn’t all doom and gloom. The outlook for the service sector is brighter than for manufacturing, and as the Journal reported last week, the Ifo Institute’s business-climate index improved slightly this month. The best that can be said for the outlook? “The German economy is stabilizing at a low level,” according to Ifo’s president.

Meanwhile, Germany’s dysfunctional three-party coalition government is paralyzed by internal struggles. The largest party in the coalition, Chancellor Olaf Scholz’s Social Democratic Party (SPD), is deeply divided over foreign policy, with many nostalgic for good relations with Russia and allergic to military spending. The SPD also wants Biden-like government spending initiatives to revive the German industrial machine and expand social benefits. The Greens, the next-largest party, are by German standards foreign-policy hawks but continue to press for a rapid energy transition that drives up costs for business and consumers. The third party in the coalition, the Free Democrats, wants to hold the line on government spending. As if this weren’t enough trouble, the conservative opposition parties have a blocking minority in Parliament’s upper house.

This is not where Germans thought they would be. Sixteen months ago, I visited Berlin and heard from a stream of government officials, think tankers and economists that everything was working fine. Russia was failing in Ukraine. The energy transition would boost German competitiveness and employment. Germany’s Mittelstand would handle anything China could throw at it.

Under the circumstances, it’s no surprise that antiestablishment parties are growing in Germany. The far right Alternative for Germany (AfD) currently has more support than any of the governing parties, with one recent poll showing the AfD at 19%, the Social Democrats at 14%, the Greens at 13%, and the Free Democrats at 4%.

The most bitter pill of all for Germany’s establishment may be the realization that on the most important issues facing Germany, Donald Trump was right where they were wrong. Getting in bed with Vladimir Putin for cheap energy was both foolish and deeply disloyal to the West. German defense policy was self-defeating and dangerous. China wasn’t a reliable partner.

“Ich bin ein Berliner,” was President John F. Kennedy’s message to Germany. If Donald Trump returns to the White House, his message will likely be “Das habe ich gleich gesagt,” or “I told you so.”

[radigalde]

Master post for fear stat counting in OKS

Personally, I went through multiple playthroughs of One Knight Stand, and somehow managed to fuck up the semi-hidden fear stat in most of them. It's rather annoying, since there are statchecks for your fear score as early as the club scenes in chapter 1. Therefore, I decided to make sort of a guide (more of a list) for all stat changes. Hope it will help you too.

Fear level on the stats screen:

0 (or less) - Fearless;

1-2 - Calm;

3-5 - Apprehensive;

6-8 - Nervous;

9-11 - Rattled;

12-14 - Spooked;

15-17 - Anxious;

18-20 - Alarmed;

21-23 - Disturbed;

24-26 - Frightened;

27-29 - Aghast;

30-32 - Terrified;

33-35 - Panic-stricken;

36-39 - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

THE STATCHECKS

Chapter 1:

Less than 10 for Pippa accident reactions in Polo route (most options have the second condition of vice or type of fear stats).

Less than 7 for somw options in Fencing Club route (but not in the accident itself).

Less than 13 for the hellhound attack (at first can be altered with greed vice or willpower score of 7 or higher; after Merlin appears, it can be altered with greed vice and willpower score higher than 13).

Less than 13 for staying in the corridor of the apartment building after hellhound attack (can be altered with willpower higher than 12).

Less than 13 to open balcony in your apartment during the hell breach.

Less than 17 to succesfully run away from beneath-the-bed-hydra. It has a lot of other conditions, probably going to make a guide for it later.

More than 7 for skip initial Merlin's loredump via having a nap or hysteria fit (also available with negative bold stat and phobias of fear, darkness or death).

Chapter 2:

Less than 13 to not freeze at the sight of the blob in gas station (can be altered with greed vice).

Important note: almost all options that allow you to lower the stat by pretending that nothing happens affect another stat - denial. It was hinted to be rather important for survival, therefore I'll try to highlight each instance. Same goes for other important/rare stats like corruption or apathy. Also, in some situations the statcheck may be failed regardless of the fear level score, if MC has a specific phobia non-compatible with the situation (like trying to stay in pitch-dark hallway with darkness phobia). Those are quite obvious in most cases, and fear phobia is generally fucked in all these situations.

Prologue and Chapter 1

TLDR: by default, you leave your apartment with the fear score of 6 (7 mandatory increases, 1 decrease). You can lower it by 6 at the not so low price of +6 in denial stat. Alternatively, you can lower it by 4 without increasing the denial. Additionally, you can lower it by 1 unless you chose wrath vice or increase by 1 with blood phobia or fear phobia.

Polo club route (Part 1 and Part 2)

TLDR: up to -7 with carrots; +4 for discussing creepy topics (can be +1); -2 (or -5 depending on Adrian relationship) for light chit-chat; mandatory +3 for full conversation; +1 mandatory for scary trailer; -3 (-2 or -1 depending on the outcome) for saved Pippa; mandatory -1 for saved Pippa; +1 (or +2) for dead Pippa; +1 for drink acceptance, -1 for vocal drink refuse; and a ton of other conditional stat changes depending on the choices made.

Fencing club route (Part 1 and Part 2)

TLDR: up to -14 with snacks; +4 for discussing creepy topics (can be +1); -3 (or -6 depending on Adrian relationship) for light chit-chat; mandatory +3 for full conversation; mandatory +1 at the start of changing clothes; -3 (-2 or -1 depending on the outcome) for saved Zain; +3 for injured (and probably dead) Zain; +1 for drink acceptance, -1 for vocal drink refuse; and a ton of other conditional stat changes depending on the choices made.

[primrosedinocat]

Commissions Open! Please Share!

Hello everyone! I am in a tight financial situation right now, so I'm opening for commissions. I do regular furry commissions, as well as LPS and Pokemon!

Below are commission types and starting prices for flat colored artwork. Note that shading will cost more. Some options also have discounts for More information can be found on my carrd, linked below.

Symmetrical Headshot - $15

Chibi - $30

Bust/Headshot - $20

Halfbody - $50

Anhtro Fullbody - $65

Feral Fullbody - $50

LPS - $20

Pokemon - $30 (Price may increase or decrease depending on the pokemon)

Expression Animation - $50 (for two expressions)

For my Full price list, TOS, more examples, and my commission form, visit my carrd:

Reblogs are greatly appreciated!

[zaurae]

𝐁𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐖𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐲

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨ 𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒐 𝑩𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝑹𝒊𝒄𝒉 ୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

𝑨𝒔𝒌 𝑨𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒉 𝑺𝒖𝒃𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒂𝒉𝒖 𝒘𝒂 𝒕𝒂❜𝒂𝒍𝒂

♡ Always and forever pray to your lord, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala for wealth and success in a healthy and halal way ♡

Make constant dua, repentence, Tahajjud, and perform goodness as well. With goodness, eliminating bad habits and doing good for your lord, repenting, and seeking to our Rabb; Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grants our duas, grants us more than what we asked.

Ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala by the 99 names:

-`♡´- Al - Ghani (The Rich, The Independent One, The Wealthy)

-`♡´- Al - Wajid (The Wealthy)

-`♡´- Al - Razzaq (The Provider)

-`♡´- Al - Mughni (The Enricher)

Never lose hope and know that with every blessing we have and whatever way we earned that wealth being an amazing job offer you received or marrying a good wealthy man--that is all due and thanks to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

Be sure to always thank Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, and strive to become a good muslim and never be deceived or change no matter how much wealth you have

𝑺𝒕𝒂𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑶𝒖𝒕 𝑶𝒇 𝑫𝒆𝒃𝒕

♡･ﾟ:｡.:･ﾟ The more debt you have, the less wealth you will have. Debt is dangerous in terms of becoming rich, as well as limiting your freedom.

Unfortunately, VISA or any form of credit card is a tool that makes us less rich--of course it depends how you use it or repay it--therefore, I suggest you to not always use your credit card and only use it if it is an emergency or that is the only payment method; however, please make sure to repay those debts as soon as possible. Give yourself a 10 day due date to repay the amount owed. ♡･ﾟ:｡.:･ﾟ

𝑺𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈

❥ Saving does not only mean save your money, but it also means saving liquid money--cash--or any item/product that has the value to convert it to cash--with a higher price.

This makes you richer even though it may not seem like it. For instance, your house or your apartment you bought, if you end us selling it you get half the money.

If you have cash, instead of trying to get rid of it and only relying on your debt card or apple pay; save the cash money, those quarters and dimes you think is useless but it is not.

Save your liquid money, those investment objects because that is the true secret of becoming rich.

𝑰𝒏𝒗𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕

As mentioned above, save and make investments through your money like liquid money and physical items that obtains higher value each year or month.

As much as we love shopping, try your best to purchase more of the things that brings more value and more wealth in the long-run. This includes the following:

-`♡´- Full Karat Gold

-`♡´- A Property

-`♡´- Any clothing with higher value each year

-`♡´- Good Quality Device

-`♡´- Books (Especially College/University Textbooks)

-`♡´- House

-`♡´- Car

-`♡´- Diamond or Gem

・❥・There are a lot more items, but basically whatever item that has a increased value/price over the month or year.

𝑫𝒐𝒏❜𝒕 𝑻𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝑴𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒚 𝑭𝒐𝒓 𝑮𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅

Do not think little of a few dimes or dollars. Money is still money and is still worth something.

Whenever you earn lets say a quarter or 50 cents, be grateful and happy as if you earned $100. With this mindset, and treating every amount as it is huge, this will ultimately manifest money itself.

Be grateful no matter the amount--as you are more grateful, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grants more.

𝑮𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒚

✧˚ · Giving charity is so important and mentioned a lot in hadiths ✧˚ ·

"Those who spend their wealth (in Allah's way) by night and by say, secretly and publicly, they will have their reward with their Lord. And no fear will there be concerning them, nor will they grieve." (Al - Baqarah 2.274)

When you give charity to those in need, it certainly does not decrease wealth.

And giving charity does not always mean giving it with money. Sometimes others cannot give money; however, there are also many ways such as:

Making dua for that person

Making someone feel better

Smiling

Speaking good to and about someone

Helping others

Respect

Not being indulged to backbiting

Charity means so much more because there are so much to give to someone!

Never hoard your money of your other abilities to help, but instead help others as it also helps you in ranks, wealth, respect, rewards, and the hellfire.

˗ˏˋ 𝐷𝑢𝑎 𝑡𝑜 𝐵𝑒𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑅𝑖𝑐ℎ ´ˎ˗ Allahumma akthir malee, wa waladee, wa barik lee feema a'taytanee O Allah! increase my wealth and offspring, and bless me in what You have given me.

[cult-of-husbandos]

toji fushiguro [☯︎] - Himo Romance

synopsis: toji fushiguro takes you on a romantic date to the most fanciest place on earth.

genre: hella crack, angst(?), fluff(?)

word count: 4.9k

warnings: cursing, if you care

The scent of incense lingered in the air, mingling with the warmth of the setting sun as you waited in your small Tokyo apartment. It was a modest space, cluttered with polaroid pics and random shit from either thrift stores or shady internet dealers. Why spend $90 on an air fryer when NutCrusher2378 will sell you one for the low, low price of one feet pic?

Inhale. Exhale.

You once read an article that stated that meditation can decrease stress, pressure, and homicidal tendencies within a person. You glanced at the clock for what felt like the hundredth time, your patience waning as the minutes ticked by. Clearly, fifteen Blood Dragon Mango Orange and sitting in silence for 30 minutes wasn’t doing much for the overbearing burden that is your life. Now, why would a well-balanced person with their own apartment, car, and a source of income need to destress. Despite what your parents tell you every text, call, and holiday you were actually doing very good for yourself. So, why do you have the urge to burn down your apartment building and start smashing every building within a 25 mile radius?

One man.

One incredulous hot as fuck piece of shit man.

Toji Fushiguro, the enigmatic man who had become an unpredictable fixture in your life. You are currently dating a sorcerer that can’t even afford getting a Twix from a vending machine. To be honest, you wouldn’t even really call what you two have a ‘relationship’. Your so-called relationship was nothing more than a precarious balance of convenience, a twisted dance of give and take where you supplied the resources and he… well, he took. The more appropriate name for this would be a ‘situationship’. You cringe any time you or your friends bring up your relationship with him. Like a gross, oozing pimple on prom night, you just want to cover it up and pretend it doesn’t exist. Except the gross, oozing pimple is a 6’1, 190 lbs., lazy, overconfident, sex machine that kills and bums money from everyone just to bet it on a horse named ‘Lucky McCock’ because “with a name like that, he fucks the competition”.

The sound of keys jingling outside your door broke the concentrated silence, and you inadvertently flinched and felt your heart sink as Toji’s unmistakable footsteps echoed through the hallway. Without so much as a warning, he barged into your apartment, his devil-may-care grin lighting up his face. Why in the name of Kwon Ji-yong did you ever think giving him a key would be a good idea?!

“Hey there, sweetheart,” he greeted casually, tossing his dirty musty jacket that you bought for him onto the couch. “Miss me?”

You rolled your eyes, the familiar blend of annoyance and resignation settling over you like a thick, suffocating fog. “You were only gone for three weeks this time. Hardly long enough to miss you.”

Toji shrugged nonchalantly, his gaze wandering around the room before landing on the half-empty bag of potato chips on your coffee table. “Hungry,” he declared, making a beeline for the kitchen without waiting for your response.

You sighed inwardly, resigning yourself to yet another evening of Toji’s impromptu visits. As he raided your fridge with the same energy as an ungrateful college student that drops off his laundry and eats your food, you couldn’t help but wonder why you continued to tolerate his antics. Perhaps it’s his gorgeous face that even when nothing but bullshit and snarky remarks come out of it makes you want to sit on it. Or it’s his amazing daddy body that can go round after round with you, but can’t be bothered to move two feet to pick up the remote. Or maybe you have an undiscovered broke as fuck boyfriend kink that makes you dummy stupid.

“Why does it smell like a bunch of temple bastards took a shit in your living room?”

Or maybe, just maybe, you died long ago and this is your eternal hell.

*****

The weeks passed in a blur of half-hearted promises and fleeting moments of intimacy. Toji’s presence in your life remained as unpredictable as ever, his disappearances becoming a twisted routine that you had grown all too accustomed to.

‘Are we even dating?’

A thought suddenly popped into your head. You felt as if your stomach had hit the brakes hard after going over 90 on the interstate. What was really the point of this relationship? Well, it’s not like you both don’t get anything out of it. You both get amazing, mind-blowing sex and he gets a place to crash, food to eat, and money to spend on whatever dumb shit he likes.

…

You know, after laying it down like that, there’s obviously a clear winner that benefits from this in the long run.

However, just when you thought you had reached your breaking point, Toji dropped a bombshell that caught you completely off guard.

“I’m taking you out,” he announced one evening, his expression unusually earnest as he met your gaze. “A fancy date, with all that romantic shit you always bitch about.”

You quirked your eyebrow skeptically, crossing your arms over your chest. “The words ‘fancy’ and ‘romantic’ don’t fit your vocabulary. Your idea of fancy is wearing a button up shirt and your idea of romance is wearing a condom and buying flavored lube.” You sighed as he laughed obnoxiously. “What fancy place do you even know? Aren’t you, like, banned from almost every restaurant, café, dive bar, and soup kitchen within 50 miles of here?”

Toji grinned mischievously, a spark of excitement hinting in his eyes. “It’s a surprise,” he teased, his lips curling into a smirk. “But trust me, you’re gonna love it.”

You honestly doubt that. You know better than to get your hopes high when it comes to Toji’s promises. He either doesn’t deliver or doesn’t show up. Either way, you end up looking like a dumb bitch at the end of the day in your friend’s group chat. Yet, for some unknown reason, you found yourself getting excited.

*****

“Why do I have to be blindfolded for this?” you groaned as Toji guided you throughout the crowded sidewalk. The city buzzed with life around you, its neon lights casting an otherworldly glow as you navigate your way through the labyrinth of alleyways and side streets. You felt the slight breeze of people walking past you and felt the questioning gazes burn into you.

“Wouldn’t be a surprise if you could see where we were going, would it?” he whispered into your ear. “We’re almost there anyway…”

You felt anxiety and interest build in the pit of your stomach, your curiosity piqued as you drew closer to your destination. What sort of extravagant affair had Toji planned for you that you need a blindfold to go there? An underground Michelin-starred restaurant? A moonlit stroll along the riverbanks? An eyes-wide shut party?

As Toji finally came to a stop, you felt your stomach drop and heart race as he reached up to remove the blindfold from your eyes, his lips curling into a triumphant grin.

“Voila!” he exclaimed, gesturing grandly at the dimly lit building in front of you.

Your eyes widened in disbelief as you took in the scene before you. You both stood outside a familiar chain restaurant, its red gaudy mascot sign illuminated in garishly bright white letters against the night sky.

Red Lobster.

You blinked in confusion, struggling to process the sheer absurdity of what was happening.

“Red… Lobster?” you echoed incredulously, your voice laced with disbelief.

Toji shrugged nonchalantly, his grin widening into a boyish smirk. “Told ya it was fancy as shit.”

…

“WHAAAAAAAAATTT?!!!”

*****

Words could not describe the unbridled rage you were feeling right now. You could power a small village for 5 years with the amount of fury emanating from you. You sat slumped in the booth with a furious scowl stuck on your face as you stared fiercely at the lying moron currently stuffing his face with Cheddar Bay Biscuits. After gulping down three of the biscuits, he finally looks up at you.

“‘s matter with you?”

“You know damn well what’s the matter with me, Toji.” you seethed.

A few seconds of silence passed as he gulped down the rest of the biscuits. His face remained stoic as he looked you in the eyes.

“You gotta take a shit or somethin’?”

You slammed your fists against the table, sitting up straight and leaning over the table, the jarring sound of the utensils and cups on the table shook people from their conversations and turned their attention towards your table. You could care less what those slack jawed NPCs thought of you. Your attention was focused solely on your smug ass boyfriend.

“Toji,” you breathed harshly, “what the fuck am I wearing right now?”

“Huuh?”

“What the fuck do I have on right now? What kind of clothes do I have on?” You were shaking at this point.

Toji grinned at you smugly. “Whatever it is, it’s hot as fuck.”

“Of course it’s hot as fuck, Toji. And you wanna know why I’m wearing this hot as fuck outfit in this building of impending salmonella poisoning? Because you told me that we were going to a fancy and romantic place. Where people, oh I don’t know, don’t need to take a Pepto Bismol before and after dinner, where waiters speak in a posh accent but you know deep down that they only make 12 dollars an hour, where the food is served relatively fresh and not sitting in a deep-freeze for half year and warmed in a fucking microwave! But no! Here I am, looking like a 100 out of 10 sitting in a stained red booth, at a sticky table, sitting across from a man who looks like I just dragged a homeless man off the street just so I don’t look like a desperate loser coming into a fucking Red Lobster by myself!”

You ended your rant, panting and dropped back into your booth and cradled your head in your arms on the table. You knew this would happen. You just knew it! Leave it to a man with no concept of child support or how a garbage disposal works to take you anywhere relatively nice. The soft chattering and murmurs of the other patrons around you continued on, but you could feel eyes on you specifically. You groaned, not even bothering to raise your head.

“Jesus Christ… you couldn’t even pick a fucking Papadeux? Fucking Red Lobster…”

“Hey, don’t knock it till you try it,” he quipped, his mouth full of Cheddar Bay Biscuits.

“I have tried it, Toji. Everyone and their great-grandmother comes to fucking Red Lobster at least once for a birthday-anniversary-graduation-bullshit.”

“Well, it’s the thought that counts, right?”

“Toji, your “thought” doesn’t count for shit.”

You didn’t see it, but Toji flinched at your words. A pang of dejection flashed across his face, but just as you rose your head he turned his face back to stoic.

“Where’s the damn waiter?” he muttered, looking around. “AYO! Can we get some damn service?!” Toji loudly called, snapping his fingers.

Your eyes widened and you quickly grabbed his arm. “Oh my fucking… Toji!”

Before he could say anything, a nervous looking waiter walked up to your booth.

“Hello guys, my name is Tommy and I will be your waiter today. Can I get you guys started with anything?”

“Uh, yeah, lemme get a mufuckin’ uuuuhhhhhhhhh…” This went on for a full two minutes. “Lemme get the unlimited oysters.”

You quirked your eyebrow at Toji with a perplexed look as the waiter jotted down his order. “Really? The oysters?”

He lazily nodded.

“Are you sure you wanna lock that in, baby?”

He nodded again, looking disgruntled that you would question his choice of food.

“Like, 100%? Are you really, really sure that’s what you wanna get?”

Toji tilted his head at you. “You questioning me?”

You raised your eyebrows passively and opened your menu. “Alright…” you remark, “It’s your funeral…” You muttered the last part under your breath.

The waiter sensing the tension amongst you two, hurried along the order conversation. “And what would you like to drink?”

“All your drinks are boring, so nothing.” he answered in dismissal, tossing the menu at Tommy who barely managed to catch it.

“And what would you like to order?” He directed his attention towards you.

“I’ll have the grilled half lobster with lemon butter, a tomahawk steak, and a bottle of Gin, please.” you answered, handing the menu to him.

“A-A bottle…?” Tommy the waiter stuttered. “We can mix it into a drink if you preferred–”

“I said what I said.” You looked at the basket on the table. “And can we get some more cheddar biscuits please?”

Tommy nodded with a bow. “Of course. I’ll be back with your drinks and some more biscuits for the table.” And with that, he scurried off.

Toji threw you a smug grin and whistled cheekily. “Wooow, babe. I didn’t know I was dining with royalty.” he chastised and you groaned. “Don’t expect me to pay for your share.”

“Pssh. Please Toji. With what money? It’s so obvious that I’m paying for this meal.”

“Wait, really?”

“Duh, Toji! Of course I’m paying for it! It’s practically routine at this point.” You groan out, annoyed and rolling your eyes. “It’s the main thing you use me for anyway…”

The air is immediately coated in awkward tension between the two of you. It’s not like you said anything wrong. This is Toji Fushiguro you’re talking about. The man only wants three things out of life: sex, money, and to sail through life never paying for anything. You fiddled with your fingernails to fill the dead air when you heard Toji smack his lips at you.

“Can’t you go one fucking second without bitchin’ at me for something so worthless?” he muttered. “What the hell’s wrong Red Lobster? Red Lobster is the epitome of sophistication. The ambiance, the seafood… it's all about setting the mood, babe.”

“Sophistication?” You scoff and look your boyfriend dead in his eyes. “Toji… you eat at fucking Burger King.”

“What the fuck’s wrong with Burger King?!”

“Oh! Hmm! Let’s see! Lemme think! Ummm! Ummm! How about, fucking everything Toji!”

“Do NOT disrespect the King!” Toji's smile faltered slightly, a hint of defensiveness creeping into his tone.

“The King is dead, Toji! Deeeaaad! He OD’d 25 years ago just like everyone else who eats at Burger King!” you shout, no longer caring about raising your voice. “People only eat Burger King because they have to! Never because they want to! Because if that were the case, then everyone would go to McDonald’s! Their food is leagues better!”

“Their Whoppers are a culinary masterpiece.” he seethed at you.

You snort. “Oh yes! You’re so right, Toji. Mm-mm! Yummy! Because nothing turns my appetite on more than a soggy burger and a 72% chance of food poisoning! Or you could just spend the extra dollar and get a Big Mac like the rest of society! And chicken nuggets with actual chicken!”

It was now Toji’s turn to scoff. “You just don’t understand the peak gourmet culinary complexities that is Burger King.”

“I would rather lick the inside of a Taco Bell bathroom toilet than eat a single chicken fry from Burger King. At least with the Taco Bell toilet there’d be remnants of edible food! It’s bottom tier, Toji. Where else in the world do you get “buffalo nuggets” for $3?! And why would you pay for that?! 10 piece chicken nuggets for $2?! What’re you, suicidal?!”

“It’s cheap and delicious!”

“It’s rat meat and smells like something threw up in a deep fryer and you fucking know it! It’s right there next to Arby’s.”

“Oh! So, now you’re dissing Arby’s?!”

“You bet your beautiful chiseled ass I’m dissing fucking Arby’s!”

“And what’s fucking wrong with Arby’s, huh?!”

“It’s rat food, Toji! It’s all rat food!”

“What the hell are you talking about?!”

“Have you ever been inside an Arby’s, Toji? Hmm? The people that eat there are either tasteless morons that think Jack in the Box is ‘too expensive’ or using the spot waiting for their Fentanyl dealer. It’s just like Burger King. You only go there because you have to, not because you want to.”

Toji leaned in, eyes dark. “You wouldn’t know good food if it came up to your doorstep with roses, wiped its feet off at the door, and fucked your throat.”

“Oh, is that right?!”

“Um! Excuse me…” a meek voice spoke up. You both whipped your heads to see your waiter trembling with a bottle of Gin and basket of cheddar biscuits in his hands. You both leaned back in your seats as he hurriedly placed drink and food on the table. “Your food will be here shortly…” Before he could dash off, you grabbed him by the sleeve.

“Hold on there, Tommy. Settle something for us, would’ja?”

“Oh, please don’t incorporate me in whatever this is–”

“Arby’s, Burger King, or McDonald’s? Which one would you eat?”

Tommy stood in silence for a few seconds before whispering a tiny scared “what?”

“The fuck you asking him for?!”

“Because unlike you, he has a job and doesn’t live off of gambling tickets and random women to buy his meals! Now Tommy, choose!”

“U-U-Ummm… well, considering I’ve gotten food poisoning from all three restaurants, I’d still choose McDonald’s any day…”

“What?!”

You smirk at Toji victoriously. “Thank you, Tommy. You just earned yourself a 80% tip.”

And with that, Tommy scurried off again.

“God! You can never just be fucking grateful for anything, huh?! You just have to whine and nag and complain about everything in that pissy little condensating tone of yours!”

“Tell me, Toji. What should I be grateful for? Hm? Sh-Should I be grateful that you put in the bare minimum for a date or that you even remember my name at all?”

“…”

“Should I be grateful that you even came back to me at all and not dead somewhere, shanked and killed in the street, like an overlooked hooker that the cops don’t give a shit about?”

Toji remained silent.

“You know what, Toji. You’re right. I should be grateful. I’ll be grateful knowing that when this dinner ends I can go back home and not have to deal with you for another 4 months. Maybe around that time you’ll find someone else to be a wallet for you.”

You reached into your bag and pulled out your phone, ending the conversation dead in the water. Again, you missed the pain in Toji’s eyes as he furrowed his eyebrows and slowly continued chewing. Not too long after, Tommy came back with your food. Staring down at the shiny, plastic-looking food before you, you grimace. The overpowering smell of the oysters churned your stomach and waned your appetite with each passing second. Pushing past your mixture of disgust and resignation, you begin to eat your food.

This dinner is the definition of ‘absolutely donkey dicks’. You couldn’t even consider the food you were eating as actual “food”. Plastic toy food from a child’s playset looks and smells more appetizing. The only thing that you can swallow without gagging is the bottle of Gin which is slowly asking for a refill. You sighed as you looked up from your plate and saw Toji slurping down oyster after oyster. You pushed the food around your plate with little enthusiasm.

Toji attempted to start a conversation multiple times, but his efforts fell flat in the suffocating silence that hung between you two.

Toji cleared his throat in an attempt to once again start a conversation causing you to look at him downcast. “So, uh, how’s the food?” he asked tentatively, his voice tinged with unfamiliar uncertainty.

You glanced up at him with a weary sigh, your disappointment written plainly across your face. “The lobster tastes like those bouncy balls you get from quarter machines drenched in garlic and butter and the steak is both ice cold and boiling lava hot.” You look back at your food. “How’s your oysters? Good?”

“Delectable. Like slurping down The God of Lust and War’s plump pearls.”

“Ugh…”

The silence stretched on between you two, the weight of your unspoken frustrations hanging heavy in the air. Toji let out a heavy sigh bringing your attention back to him.

“Look, uh… Y/N…” Toji started fidgeting. “I know this date is total shit. Worse than shit probably. Nobody likes fucking Red Lobster. Being in this place makes me want to set fire to the building trapping all these wrinkly white-haired fucks and servant dicks to burn. Agonizingly. But I would save you! And the Cheddar Bay Biscuits fuuuck that shit is amazing!”

You raised your eyebrow, but let him continue.

“You were right. I am… banned from most places. Fuck, I mean did you know that I was banned from Chili’s AND Applebee’s? Like, why the fuck would I even be in those shitholes?”

“That… probably has something to do with you setting fire to their parking lot and spray painting ‘FUCK YOUR TAXES’ on their windows respectively at multiple locations.”

“Oh yeeahh… damn. That was a great Halloween.”

“Yeah… it was interesting… watching you eat an entire 5-pound chocolate peep marshmallow and utterly lose your mind in what I can only describe as a hellish sugar rush.”

“Whatever. The point is… I… I really tried, y’know?” he grumbled, rubbing the back of his head. “I said a lot of shit and promised a whole fucking thing, but in reality… this is all I can do… Like, legally or whatever…”

You stared at Toji in somewhat disbelief. You were witnessing something striking and shocking. Were you actually seeing Toji being… remorseful? The Toji Fushiguro?

“So… not to be all… stupid and pathetic… but… y’know… I’m…”

“You’re?”

“I’m… thmrrry…”

“You’re what?” You leaned in.

“Mm mpfrrf!”

“Toji, I can’t understand you. Get your hand away from your mouth.”

“I’m sorry!” he shouted. “There. I said it.”

Your eyes widen in surprise. You bit the inside of your cheek just to make sure you weren’t dreaming. “Woah, Toji…” you mutter, stunned. “I didn’t think those words were capable of forming. I always thought that if you even tried saying it you’d vomit up blood and your intestines would explode.”

“Fucking… whatever, okay! Don’t make a big deal outta it. I only said it ‘cuz I wanted to…!” He was blushing and fidgeting more. “But that’s not all.”

Toji reached into his sweatpants pocket and pulled out a small velvet black box, his expression awkward and face slightly red as he pushed it across the table to you.

"I,… uh…, got you something," he grumbled, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment and avoiding meeting your eyes. “Just— don’t make a big deal over it…”

You raised an eyebrow in confusion. Your skepticism warring at the unfamiliar genuine tone shift as you opened the box. You gasped softly. Inside the box, a beautiful arctic blue shone brighter than all the dim lights in the restaurant. You looked at Toji then back at the necklace. You were honestly speechless and your heart immediately softened into soft serve ice cream.

“Happy anniversary…” he muttered just loud enough for you to hear.

“Toji, this is…” you began, at a loss for words as you struggled to adjust to the sweet gesture that was foreign to Toji’s entire personality. “This is the sweetest and most beautiful thing you’ve ever done. Thank you, Toji.”

Toji softly frowned bashfully, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment. “Good,” he stated firmly. “But, uh… just don’t wear it outside. It’s stolen.”

“Stolen?” you echoed.

“Yeah. An old buddy owed me a favor after getting rid of a few… pests for him. He said I could take anything as compensation so I took The Tears of Benzaiten. I was gonna pawn it, but then I thought of you and… shit y’know…” he trailed off, the blush growing on his face. “Then a few days later, he put a bounty on it and got all fucking weird about it. So, just… don’t wear it anywhere, got it? I like your face and I wouldn’t want a bunch of scars and bruises ruining it.”

“Toji. Are you seriously telling me that I’m holding a Japanese national treasure with a big enough bounty that I could be killed just for holding it and you are just giving it to me in a Red Lobster for our anniversary?”

Toji shrugged nonchalantly. “Y/N, you’re much more beautiful than some stupid necklace made from the tears of Goddess worth 90 billion Yen. And you know that if anyone came within 20 feet of you, I’d rip out their esophagus and crumple their pathetic human bodies into nothing.”

You sat in stunned silence trying to process all the information that was just thrown on you. You looked down at the necklace. Suddenly, you started to giggle. Then, your giggles turned to laughter. You put your head down as your laughter grew louder and louder. After a few moments and murmurs from other patrons later, you raised your head and leaned your cheek against your hand.

“Toji Fushiguro, you’re so…” You tried to find the words to describe the absurdity happening right now. “Impossible.” you remarked fondly, a smile tugging at your lips. “But I love you for it.”

Toji smirked proudly.

“But, I hate to break it to you baby… today’s not our anniversary.”

Toji's smirk immediately diminished. “What?! Yeah, it is!”

You shook your head, still smiling. “Afraid not, baby. You see… we don’t have an anniversary.”

“Yeah we do! We had our first date and everything!”

“We met at the track, went to a bar, and then had sex. Then, you disappeared for a week then you came back and we had make up sex. Other than that, you’ve been gone for about 75% of this relationship. This is technically the only date we’ve been on that didn’t end with me getting drunk and us having loud sex in the bathroom.”

“So… it’s not our anniversary?”

You shook your head again.

“FUCK!” Toji shouted, slamming his hand on the table with a loud crash and groaning into the booth.

You slightly giggled and put the necklace in your bag. You gently grabbed Toji’s hand and he flinched slightly at your sudden touch.

“If this were our anniversary, it would be the best anniversary ever.” You kissed his hand and stood up, looking down at his flushed face. “Come on.” you gestured, throwing some money with a big tip as promised on the table. “Let’s go home.”

Toji smiled and took your hand as you both left the restaurant, much to the other patrons' relief. As you both made your way back to the apartment, you had a small flicker of hope. For the future. For the relationship. For Toji.

It started out as a really shitty date, but turns out, deep down, Toji can be romantic. In his own way, of course.

When you both entered the apartment, Toji grabbed your hips and kissed you deeply. You melted into arms and moaned into the kiss. He pulled away with a smirk.

“You taste like garlic butter Gin.”

“And you taste like oysters.”

You stepped away from him and walked towards the living room.

“And where the hell are you going?” Toji asked, following close behind.

“Well, we’ve had makeup sex, angry sex, drunk sex, bathroom sex, and Scandinavian Yeti sex. But I don’t think we’ve had “anniversary” sex yet.”

Toji grinned smugly as he rushed you and threw you over his shoulder. “Fuck yeah! I’m not gonna let ya sleep tonight!” Toji roared, giving your ass a smack. You let out a gasp and laugh.

You hated this man sometimes, but you couldn’t deny the amount of love you had for him too.

This truly was the best anniversary ever.

~Omake~

“Urrreeegh…! Urg… fuck…”

“I told you not to eat those oysters, baby.” you soothed, rubbing Toji back gently.

Halfway through sexy time, Toji jumped off of you and started to feel the horrible after effects of Red Lobster oysters. You cringed as Toji continued to retch, groan, and spit all of his dinner in the toilet bowl.

“I’ll kill those bastards…! I’ll slit their throats and dance on their backs! I’ll get those– ugh! Oh god… bleerghh!”

You sigh and smile softly at his very real threats. You stepped out of the bathroom and put on some clothes.

“Where you goin’! We’re not… urgh… done yet!”

“Well, we’re gonna be here for a while, baby. I don’t know much about sorcerers, but I’m pretty sure I can recognize the symptoms of food poisoning.”

Toji groaned. “Fucking Red Lobster… making me miss out on anniversary sex…”

“I’ll be back in a few. You’re gonna need some water, Pepto Bismol, soda, crackers, and light snacks to keep down.”

“Nooo… don’t go…” he wearily waved at you to come back.

You leaned against the door frame of the bathroom, smiling gently at the sick man. “Do you want anything? I can get you some scratch off tickets. Dragon Stars Lotto. Those are your favorite, right?”

Toji smiled weakly. “You’re an angel, baby.”

You kissed the back of Toji's neck and smiled as he shuddered against your lips.

“When you get back, I’m gonna fuck the memories of anyone else outta you.”

You laughed, grabbed your bag, and left the apartment. Smiling and hopeful for what’s to come next.

—

a/n: yo. sorry i've been gone for so long. been trying to find a new job and then suddenly decided to learn blender animation for some reason. (if anyone can give me tips it would be much appreciated) so i started working on this in February for like a valentine's thing then looked up and saw that is April so... happy april fool's! or whatever... enjoy a not so serious toji fic. more to come soon.