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fvsm4x · 3 months ago

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𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 - 𝟓

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠. ex! gojo s. x fem. reader

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭. Your boyfriend, who you loved more than anything, who was your will to live, broke up with you.

𝐜𝐰. angst / happy ending for reader but not gojo / wc. 4.1k / last chapter / kinda rushed

part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5

But it wouldn‘t hurt to give him a second chance, right.?

But as much as you wanted to believe that a second chance could heal the wounds between you, doubt gnawed at the edges of your resolve. The pain he had caused was not something easily forgotten, and the memories of the betrayal still stung like fresh wounds. You had to consider what giving him another chance would mean—not just for your relationship with him, but for your own self-worth, your own sense of dignity.

"Gojo," you began, your voice steady despite the turmoil inside, "you say you want another chance, but can you honestly tell me why? Is it because you've realized what you lost, or because you're afraid of being alone now that she's gone?"

His eyes widened, as if the question had struck a chord deep within him. He struggled to find the right words, his expression a mix of desperation and confusion. "I... I just know that I don't want to lose you. I made a mistake, I see that now. I was stupid, selfish, but I swear, I’ve changed."

"You’ve changed?" you echoed, the skepticism clear in your tone. "How can I trust that? Last time, you promised me the world, only to break me apart when it suited you. How do I know this time won’t be the same?"

Gojo remained silent for a moment, the weight of your words sinking in. You could see the conflict in his eyes, the struggle between his desire to make things right and the reality of the pain he had caused.

"I don’t know how to prove it to you," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "But I want to try. I want to be the person you deserve, the one who won’t hurt you again."

You let out a soft sigh, the tension in your chest making it hard to breathe. His sincerity tugged at your heart, but the scars he had left made it difficult to simply accept his words at face value. You had to think about what was best for you, not just what he wanted.

"Gojo," you said slowly, choosing your words carefully, "I need to understand something. What would be different this time? How do you expect me to believe that you're not just saying these things because you're hurt and vulnerable right now? That you won't just fall back into old habits the moment things get tough?"

He looked down, his hands trembling slightly as they gripped yours tighter. "I’ve learned from my mistakes," he said, his voice laced with determination. "I know I hurt you, and I regret it more than anything. I took you for granted, and I was wrong. I can’t take back what I did, but I want to show you that I can be better—that I can love you the way you deserve to be loved."

The sincerity in his voice was almost enough to break down your defenses. Almost. But the reality of the situation loomed large in your mind. You had been here before, heard these promises before, only to be left shattered in the end.

"Do you really understand what you're asking of me?" you asked, your voice soft but firm. "You're asking me to put my heart on the line again, to risk everything for the chance that you might actually change this time. But what if you don't? What if I let you back in, only to find myself back in this same place a few months from now?"

Gojo's expression faltered, the weight of your words sinking in. He knew you were right—he was asking for a lot, maybe too much. But still, he refused to give up.

"I can't promise that everything will be perfect," he said, his voice raw with emotion. "But I can promise that I’ll fight for us, that I won’t make the same mistakes again. I’ll prove to you that I’m serious this time. Just... please, give me a chance to show you."

Your heart ached at the sight of him, so vulnerable and desperate for your forgiveness. You wanted to believe him, to believe that he could change, that he could become the man you needed him to be. But the fear of getting hurt again was a powerful force, one that you couldn't simply ignore.

"I don't know if I can do this, Gojo," you said, your voice trembling with the weight of the decision before you. "I don't know if I can put myself through this again, not after everything that's happened."

He looked at you with a mix of hope and despair, as if he knew he was teetering on the edge of losing you forever. "Please," he whispered, his voice breaking. "Just one more chance. Let me show you that I can be better."

You closed your eyes, the tears finally spilling over as the emotions you had been holding back crashed over you like a tidal wave. The love you had for him was still there, buried beneath the pain and betrayal, but it was overshadowed by the fear of being hurt again.

Finally, you opened your eyes and met his gaze, your heart heavy with the weight of your decision. "Gojo, I need time," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. "I can't just jump back into this like nothing happened. I need time to think, to figure out what's best for me."

His face fell, but he nodded, understanding that this was as much as you could give him right now. "I’ll wait," he said, his voice filled with a mix of sadness and determination. "I’ll wait as long as it takes."

With that, you slowly pulled your hand away from his, the warmth of his touch lingering even as you stepped back. The distance between you felt like a chasm, one that might never be bridged again. But for now, it was what you needed—to find your own path, to heal in your own time.

As you turned to walk away, leaving him kneeling there in the cold, you couldn’t help but wonder if you had made the right choice. The future was uncertain, the path ahead filled with doubts and unanswered questions. But one thing was clear: you had to choose yourself this time, even if it meant walking away from the man you once loved.

As you walked away, the echoes of your footsteps reverberating through the quiet night, the weight of your decision settled heavily on your shoulders. Each step felt like an eternity, as if the very air around you was thick with the tension of what had just transpired. The distance between you and Gojo grew, but the connection, the history, and the unresolved emotions hung in the air, clinging to you like a shadow.

You couldn’t help but replay his words over and over in your mind. The desperation in his voice, the sincerity in his eyes—were they enough? Could a person truly change, or was it just wishful thinking? The memories of your time together flooded your mind, both the good and the bad, each moment tinged with the bittersweetness of what once was and what might never be again.

But as you walked further, a different voice began to whisper in the back of your mind, a voice that questioned your own choices, your own feelings. You had been hurt, yes, but was there a part of you that still longed for the love you once shared? Was there still a flicker of hope that things could be different this time, that the man you had loved was still in there, waiting to be rediscovered?

You stopped walking, standing there in the dim light of the streetlamp, your breath visible in the cold night air. The silence was deafening, your thoughts swirling like a storm inside your head. You had asked for time, but the truth was, you didn’t know how much time you would need. The wound was still fresh, the trust still shattered, and yet, beneath all that pain, there was a part of you that wanted to believe in second chances.

What if you were being too harsh? What if, in pushing him away, you were closing the door on something that could be beautiful again? The questions gnawed at you, each one more persistent than the last. Could you really walk away from him, from everything you had built together, without giving him the chance to prove himself? Was it fair to judge him solely on his past mistakes, without considering the possibility that he had learned from them?

As you stood there, lost in thought, the memories of the love you once shared began to resurface. The way he used to look at you, the way his laughter would fill the room, the warmth of his embrace on a cold night—it all felt so distant now, yet so painfully close. You remembered the moments of joy, the times when it felt like nothing in the world could come between you. Those memories were precious, and they weren’t so easily erased by the pain he had caused.

But then, there were the darker memories, the ones that cut deep into your soul. The lies, the betrayal, the feeling of being second best—those wounds were still raw, still bleeding, and the thought of reopening them was terrifying. You had worked so hard to rebuild yourself, to find strength in your own company, to remember who you were without him. Letting him back in meant risking all of that, risking everything you had fought so hard to regain.

A small voice inside you, however, urged you to reconsider. People could change, couldn’t they? Life wasn’t black and white, and relationships were messy, complicated. What if Gojo truly had realized the error of his ways? What if he was genuinely remorseful, ready to make amends and to be the partner you needed him to be?

You shook your head, trying to clear the confusion. You had to be sure, had to know that whatever decision you made, it was the right one for you. Turning around, you saw Gojo still kneeling where you had left him, his form barely visible in the distance. He hadn’t moved, hadn’t given up, even though you had walked away.

Was it really fair to expect him to change? Could you risk your heart again on the mere possibility that things might be different this time?

The truth was, you weren’t ready to forgive him. Not yet, and maybe not ever. The wounds were still too fresh, the scars too deep. Giving him another chance felt like inviting more pain into your life, a pain you weren’t sure you could endure again.

You took a deep breath and forced your feet to move, each step taking you further away from the man you once loved. The night was silent, the only sound was the soft crunch of gravel under your shoes as you walked down the empty street. The distance between you and Gojo grew, but so did the clarity in your mind. You deserved more than empty promises and second chances. You deserved someone who wouldn’t make you question your worth, someone who wouldn’t break your heart over and over again.

Gojo remained on his knees long after you had walked away, the chill of the night air seeping into his bones. He stared at the spot where you had stood just moments ago, as if by sheer force of will he could bring you back. But the empty space before him was a harsh reminder that you were gone, that he had lost you once again.

A dull ache settled in his chest, spreading through his entire body as he tried to process what had just happened. He had begged, pleaded, laid his heart bare before you, and yet it hadn’t been enough. You had looked at him with such pain in your eyes, a pain he knew he had caused, and that knowledge cut deeper than any rejection.

He slowly rose to his feet, his legs unsteady beneath him as he tried to regain his composure. The night felt colder now, the darkness more oppressive as he realized how truly alone he was. He had gambled everything on the hope that you might still care, that you might still see the man he was trying to become, but the truth was undeniable—you were done with him. And maybe you were right to be.

As he started walking, his mind replayed every word you had said, every look you had given him. Your voice, so full of hurt and doubt, echoed in his ears, a constant reminder of the mistakes he had made. He had taken you for granted, convinced himself that you would always be there, waiting for him to get his act together. But now, standing in the aftermath of his own selfishness, he realized just how badly he had miscalculated.

Gojo’s footsteps were heavy as he walked back to his own place, the streets eerily quiet. For the first time, he felt the full weight of his actions, the depth of the hurt he had caused not only to you but to himself. He had ruined something beautiful, something that might never be repaired, and the regret was almost too much to bear.

He reached his apartment and fumbled with his keys, his hands shaking slightly as he unlocked the door. The silence inside was deafening, the emptiness of the space mirroring the emptiness he felt within. He collapsed onto the couch, burying his face in his hands as the reality of the situation washed over him.

He had wanted so desperately to make things right, to prove to you that he had changed, but deep down, he knew it wasn’t that simple. Change wasn’t just about saying the right words or making promises—it was about action, about becoming a better person, and that was something he hadn’t truly grasped until now. He had hurt you, deeply, and no amount of pleading could erase that.

The truth settled heavily on his shoulders: he had lost you, maybe for good this time. And the worst part was, he had no one to blame but himself. He had played with your heart, made you question your worth, and now he was paying the price. The realization that he might never have another chance with you, that you might move on and find someone who would treat you the way you deserved, was almost too painful to bear.

But as he sat there in the darkness, Gojo knew that this was his moment of reckoning. He could no longer hide from the consequences of his actions. If he truly wanted to change, it had to start now—with or without you. He had to learn to be a better person, not just for you, but for himself. And if that meant letting you go, if that meant accepting that you might never forgive him, then so be it.

Weeks had passed since that night, but for Gojo, it felt like a lifetime. The days blurred together, a monotonous cycle of work, training, and sleepless nights. He threw himself into his duties, trying to drown out the memories of you, but nothing seemed to work. Every quiet moment was filled with thoughts of you—your laughter, your smile, the way your eyes had softened when you looked at him, before everything had fallen apart.

He hadn’t tried to contact you since that night. He knew better than to push, to force himself back into your life when you had made it clear that you needed space. Instead, he focused on himself, trying to understand where he had gone wrong, trying to become the man he had promised he would be. But no matter how much he tried to move forward, the emptiness where you used to be haunted him.

One chilly afternoon, Gojo found himself wandering aimlessly through the city streets, his hands shoved deep into his pockets as he watched the world go by. It was one of those rare days when he had no obligations, no missions or responsibilities to distract him from his thoughts. The city was bustling with life, people rushing past him with purpose, but he felt disconnected from it all, as if he were watching from a distance.

As he walked, he turned a corner and stopped in his tracks. There you were, just a few steps ahead, standing at the entrance of a cozy little café. For a moment, his heart leapt at the sight of you, his mind racing with the possibility of speaking to you, of seeing how you were doing after all this time. But before he could take a step, he noticed that you weren’t alone.

Standing beside you was a man—tall, with dark hair and a warm smile that reached his eyes. He was holding your hand, his thumb gently brushing over your knuckles as you both laughed at something he had said. The sound of your laughter, so light and carefree, pierced through Gojo’s chest like a dagger. It was the same laugh he had fallen in love with, the one he had thought he might never hear again.

Gojo’s breath caught in his throat as he watched the two of you. There was an ease between you and the man, a comfort that spoke of familiarity, of something more than just a passing connection. The man leaned in closer, and you responded with a soft smile, one that Gojo knew all too well. It was the kind of smile that came from genuine happiness, from feeling safe and cherished.

He felt his heart constrict, a mix of emotions swirling inside him—regret, jealousy, sadness. But most of all, there was a deep, aching sense of loss. He had known this day might come, that you would eventually move on and find someone who could give you the love and security you deserved. But knowing it and seeing it were two different things, and the reality of it hit him harder than he had expected.

Gojo stood there, rooted to the spot, unable to tear his eyes away from you. He knew he should leave, walk away before you noticed him, but something kept him there, some part of him that needed to see this, to accept that you were no longer his.

As you and the man turned to enter the café, Gojo’s eyes met yours for the briefest of moments. Time seemed to freeze as recognition flickered in your gaze. There was a flash of surprise, quickly followed by something else—something softer, perhaps understanding or even sympathy. But you didn’t stop, didn’t call out to him. You simply gave him a small, polite nod before turning away,

As the door of the café closed behind you, Gojo hesitated for a moment, debating whether to follow you inside. He knew he should just walk away, let you enjoy your time with the man who clearly made you happy. But something stronger than reason pushed him forward. The unresolved tension between you gnawed at him, a silent torment that demanded closure.

With a deep breath, Gojo pushed open the door to the café, the small bell above it chiming softly as he stepped inside. The warm scent of coffee and baked goods filled the air, and the soft hum of conversation surrounded him. He quickly scanned the room, spotting you at a table near the window, the man still by your side.

You noticed him immediately, your eyes widening slightly in surprise as he approached. The man beside you looked up, clearly sensing the change in your demeanor, but remained silent, his expression polite but questioning.

Gojo stopped a few feet from your table, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides as he struggled to find the right words. He felt the weight of the moment pressing down on him, the significance of what he was about to say looming large in his mind.

"Can we talk for a minute?" he asked, his voice low and tentative, trying not to intrude too much on your moment with the other man.

You hesitated, glancing at the man beside you. He gave you a small, understanding nod, standing up to give you space. "I'll be right over there," he said softly, before stepping away to another part of the café.

Once he was out of earshot, you turned your attention back to Gojo, your expression guarded but not unkind. "Gojo, what do you want?" you asked quietly, your tone not accusatory but rather cautious, as if you were bracing yourself for whatever he might say.

He took a deep breath, struggling to meet your eyes. "I just... I just wanted to say I'm sorry. For everything. For the way I treated you, for the way I made you feel. I know I can’t undo the past, but I need you to know that I regret it all, deeply."

You looked at him, your expression softening slightly at his words, but there was still a distance in your gaze, a wall that hadn’t been there before. "Gojo," you began, your voice gentle but firm, "I appreciate you saying that. I really do. But what’s done is done. We can’t go back and change what happened. We both know that."

He nodded, swallowing hard against the lump forming in his throat. "I know," he said, his voice cracking slightly. "I just… I wish things could have been different. That I could’ve been better for you."

A small, sad smile tugged at the corners of your lips. "Maybe in another life," you said softly, your words like a bittersweet melody that hung in the air between you. "Maybe in another life, we were meant to be. But in this one…"

You trailed off, your eyes shimmering with unshed tears. The unspoken truth between you was palpable—no matter how much either of you wished it could be different, the damage had been done. The love you once shared was irreparably broken, and no amount of apologies could fix it.

Gojo felt a sharp pain in his chest, the finality of your words cutting through him like a blade. He had known, deep down, that this was how it would end, but hearing it from you made it all the more real.

"I understand," he murmured, his voice barely audible as he looked down at the floor. "I just… I hope you find the happiness you deserve."

You reached out then, gently touching his arm, the gesture both comforting and heartbreaking. "I hope you do too, Gojo," you whispered, your voice filled with a kind of tenderness that he hadn’t heard from you in a long time. "Take care of yourself."

He looked up at you, his eyes filled with a mixture of sorrow and acceptance. He knew this was goodbye—not just for now, but for the life you might have had together. It was the kind of parting that left an indelible mark on his soul, a reminder of what could have been.

With a heavy heart, Gojo nodded, turning to leave the café. As he walked away, he didn’t look back, knowing that doing so would only make it harder to let go. The door closed behind him, the cool air outside hitting him like a wake-up call. He stood there for a moment, trying to steady his breathing, trying to process the finality of what had just happened.

Inside, you watched him leave, your heart heavy but resolute. There was a part of you that would always care for Gojo, that would always wonder what might have been. But you knew, deep down, that you had made the right choice. Sometimes, love wasn’t enough to bridge the gap that had grown between two people. Sometimes, the kindest thing you could do was let go.

As you turned back to your table, the man who had been with you returned, concern etched on his face. He didn’t ask what had happened—he didn’t need to. He simply took your hand in his, offering silent support as you both sat down together.

Gojo walked down the street, the sun beginning to set, casting long shadows on the pavement. The ache in his chest was still there, but so was a strange sense of peace. You had found your path, and now, he had to find his own. And maybe, just maybe, in another life, things would have been different. But in this one, it was time to move on.

End

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THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STICKING WITH THIS STORY\(^ヮ^)/ new gojo series soon<33

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feverdreamjohnny · 1 month ago

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"Why There Will Never Be a Peeb Adventures" otherwise known as "The Peeb Adventures Pre-Mortem"

Since 2020, I've made a good chunk of games. Hell, even though I've been doing this for 10 years to date, the majority of my progress as a creative began over the course of this 4 year period.

Out of all the games I've made - or otherwise had a hand in - there is only one that's apparently struck a chord so deeply with people that to this day I still get messages and comments asking when it will come out.

The title of this post already explains the whole deal so I'm not gonna be dramatic about it right here. As per usual, I will instead get heart-clutchingly dramatic about the subject by the end of this story.

I felt the idea of a "Pre-Mortem" might be a fun way to talk about games that will never be finished. Maybe I'll make more of these down the line for other old games, who knows.

"The Incredibly True Origins of Peeb Adventures" or "Wow! I Hate It!"

Peeb Adventures began as a gift game for my long-time friend Aaron. It was simple, mostly functioning as a fun little gag that stemmed from a 3D model I made of a character he doodled during a drawpile session. I gave Peeb a grapple hook just because I wanted to experiment with swinging mechanics and felt the gag gift was a great space to toy around in without having to actually ask myself how on earth I'd want to structure a game around a grappling hook. Foreshadowing!

Eventually, the gag gift did that classic thing all developers have experienced before where your game spirals out of control and grows into a hideous monster, and what started as a fairly abstract grappling toy convergently evolved into that dreaded state we call a "3D Mascot Platformer."

I made a very short demo in the summer of 2020. It went absolutely nowhere, and after an idol of mine caught wind and asked to play it (before sending about 3 paragraphs of feedback suggesting how to improve what was, in my view, a trainwreck of baby blocks stacked on top of eachother), I shelved the project.

"The Absolutely Tremendulous HPS1 Adventure of Peeb" or "My Friend Jam Suggested I Revive the Project and So I Did"

Shortly after Peeb was shelved for the first time, I joined a community of game developers called Haunted PS1. For those not in the know, HPS1 was essentially the nexus point for "retro horror games" in the indie sphere, and a lot of the resulting deluge (non-perjorative) on itch.io can find its roots in this community.

HPS1 was a good place. Lots of nice, talented people willing to tolerate the kind of mindless riffing I often do in voice calls, anyway. I made a decent chunk of friends there, some of which I'm still quite close to, even today.

HPS1 has this tradition called the HPS1 Demo Disc that began in 2020, and with the year coming to its end, there was talk of a new one set to arrive in spring 2021.

Unlike the first demodisc, however, 2021's disc required you to submit a game in-progress to a panel of judges. They'd then give their yay-or-nay, and you were either in or out.

One day, I was musing over the fact that I didn't really have anything to submit so I would likely have to sit out of 2021's disc. My friend, Jam, who you might know as the developer of the Heilwald Loophole (or Beton Brutal) suggested I consider reviving Peeb Adventures as my submission to the demo disc.

Why did I follow through on this? I don't know. It's funny to think a scenario this simple was the launch point for my career.

Over the next 6 months, I worked on turning the absolutely horrendous gag game into... Something still kinda trite but at least playable. I had some help from my longtime teammate drurylain, my longtime friend Aaron (the creator of Peeb's original design), and my longtime spiritual uncle Tim, and with our powers combined... A new kind of demo experience where you don't do anything of particular note besides swinging around was born.

Also quite important: the very same drawpile session that spawned Peeb also spawned Orbo, who would also make his own appearance in Peeb Adventures as a recurring side character (since I felt like Peeb needed a friend).

"Go! Incredible Friendship Unites in the Gameosphere! Peeb and Orbo are Born!" or "Peeb Adventures: Coming Never"

So the demo for Peeb Adventures was finished early March 2021, and the demo disc went live on itch.io on the 25th of the month.

The demo disc then proceeded to do a backflip and pick up a LOT of traction online. Which then meant Peeb itself was catching little bits of the traction in its mouth and smacking its lips.

I went from "guy who makes games for nobody" to "guy who makes games for that one very specific brand of teen on twitter who loves the object head show", and I was riding high.

Fanart poured in. People showed a lot of love. I was dazzled by it all, really.

Despite the love for the game and the potential on hand, progress was stagnant. My group of friends and I all got together in a google doc and wrote an entire planning bible for the game. Game mechanics, story beats, twists and turns, the whole thing. Despite having the structure lined up, I had other ambitions and began working on a multiplayer deathmatch game that quickly overtook my work schedule.

Peeb sat on the backburner, but at the time I still wanted to finish it one day. My main excuse was "well, I just need more money! If I'm going to work on this game it's gonna need more than one fulltime person and I can't just ask people to work for free!" That excuse worked on me for a while.

"I Don't Think I Want to Play With You Anymore Peeb!" or "There's Such a Thing as Too Much Love"

A while had passed at this point. My ambitions hadn't just grown, they'd completely shifted. Before long, I found myself working on yet another demo for the 2022 HPS1 Demo Disc, "The Spectral Mall."

Nowhere, MI wasn't just some random toy for me, but the culmination of all my love into one game. Despite its silly demeanor, the game was a product of a lot of pain, and even now I still desperately want to finish it. Except I have to make money to live, so... Oops!

Anyhow, there was a shift in demeanor for me during 2022. You have Peeb, a game that I made on a whim as kind of a joke with friends, and you have Nowhere, MI, a game that meant the world to me during really dark times.

And you know what? There were a lot of people that wanted Peeb. People that never stopped asking me about it.

I realized while working on Nowhere that I didn't really know what I would even do if I ever had the chance to work on the full Peeb Adventures. Not only did I find the nagging kind of annoying, Peeb was also something I couldn't really... Wrap my head around?

It occurred to me that Peeb wasn't really "my" game anymore, it was "his" game. The old Johnny.

I'd changed a lot since the game had come out in early 2021. In a year and a half my world got flipped upside down, and... I don't know, Nowhere was way more reflective of who I was now. Sure the humor was still pretty asinine, but there was a shift. It was hard to picture the "Peeb Adventures" people were actually looking forward to when my own sensibilities had drifted so far.

When the Nowhere demo came out along with Spectral Mall, it did... Alright? People liked it, but it wasn't the same as Peeb's release. Hell, even in Nowhere's release there were people pushing it aside to ask the same question they'd been asking every week leading up to it. "When is Peeb Adventures coming out?"

"Goodbye Peeb!"

It was increasingly harder and harder to not look back at Peeb and kind of hate it. It was rough in every respect, and yet it whenever I met people who'd heard of me online, they always cited Peeb Adventures.

Strangers continue to ask me when it's coming out. On rare occasion I'll get someone asking about Nowhere and I'll feel a bit excited anyone else cares about that game besides me and maybe my friends, but most of the time people just ask about Peeb.

To finally answer this question I've been asked for nearly 4 years: There will probably never be a Peeb Adventures.

"Goodbye Johnny."

I like to believe one of the reasons people are attracted to my body of work is because I make games to reach out to other people. That's probably not the real reason, but it's nice to play pretend and imagine your work has more significance than just "ha ha boner."

I put a lot of myself in my games and I rarely hold back, even if an idea is insanely stupid or strange. The result usually becomes something more like a scrapbook than a game.

It's hard to try and expand on a game like Peeb when the Johnny who made it isn't really with us anymore. If I worked on Peeb now, you'd get some kind of irregular frankenstein that'd never be as exciting as the original vision was.

By the time I get around to Nowhere again, am I still going to be this Johnny? Or will the next Johnny look back at Nowhere the same way I look at Peeb now? Who knows.

Anyway, look forward to more games from me and my friends. Even if it's not Peeb Adventures, it'll still be us.

#premortem #peeb adventures

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joemama-2 · 4 months ago

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itadori yuuji is great with kids.

he has as much energy as them, so he’ll run around with them constantly, which helps when you want to put them to bed early. he’ll take part in any game or creative imagination the kid has conjured up.

a tea party? okay, he’ll be the king. oh, he’s getting a call from elmo? he takes the the small toy phone into his hands and has a full on conversation with him. and lastly, he loves just picking them up into his arms and airplaning them around the house.

it’s why when you first saw him interact with kids, you couldn’t help but almost tear up at the sight. it’s like him and the kid would match each others energy, bouncing off the walls together. and you didn’t miss the way the kid would automatically smile and reach their grabby hands up for him as soon as you two entered.

and when you looked at yuuji, you just knew, he would be a perfect dad.

maybe you two were too young to even be thinking about that. kids thinking about having kids is crazy. but you didn’t want kids now of course, but when you were older. you guys kinda had your future planned out for each other. you can call it cute, wholesome, or optimistic. but either way, you knew you wanted to spend your life with itadori yuuji.

but can people really blame you? living in a world full of curses and being a sorcerer meant that any moment could be your last, every breath could be your last, and every smile could be your last.

that’s why whenever you and yuuji were together, you’d spend it like it was your last.

you were already head over heels for him, but seeing him be so playful…so innocent with not just kids, but with you, it struck a chord in your heart in a repetitive thrum. and you found yourself constantly wanting that same melody to played.

you guys were kids, but with what you did for a living, you were forced to act anything but. which is why you loved these kind of moments. the moments where you can do simple teenager things, you know, actually act your age.

the mental and physical toll of being a sorcerer was hard on you both, especially yuuji. and it was your job to hold him up whenever he fell down.

“boy or girl?”

he looks up from his milkshake, eyes landing in your own as you sit across from him. the comforting diner offering a sense of peacefulness. he mulls over your words before answering. “either.”

an eye roll. “no, pick. if you had to choose one, boy or girl?”

“and what is the context of this situation?” his head tilts in that adorable way you love, pink hair ruffled after he runs a hand through it.

“children.” you say.

he stills for a moment, eyes just locked with yours. the silence is deafening, but not tense. it’s like he’s trying to decide if you’re being serious or not. because in all honesty, he had no idea you wanted kids. which is a little ironic since you talked about your future all the time, and kids just found themselves drawn towards him whenever you guys hung out with your side of the family. but, for some reason, having kids of his own one day felt odd, felt strange.

his lips purse and eyes travel to the ceiling. “i guess, if i had to pick, maybe….a girl?”

your head tilts. “not a boy?”

“well, i wouldn’t care. i would love them equally.”

“but you want a girl.”

“i’d want anything, as long as i get to have it with you.” he looks at you again, dopey smile on his face. “if it was a girl, i’d have two precious girls in my life. if it was a boy, i’d have a little warrior.”

you smile back. “the girl can’t be a warrior too?”

“she’ll be my precious warrior.” he says, hand reaching across the table to find yours, fingers interlacing like its second nature. “just like you.”

and god does he always know what to say to get your cheeks red, embarrassed. “and what if i want a boy?”

his thumbs rubs across the back of your palm, sliding the milkshake over to you, to which you sip from. “then we’ll have both.”

“how can you be sure we’ll have both?”

“i’m not, but anything is possible with you.”

your eyebrow raises playfully. “you’re really sweet today, huh?”

his eyes roll and he scoffs. “baby please, i’m always sweet.”

and well, he’s right. he’s always sweet, always thoughtful, always perfect when it came to you. you loved him so much, it felt like you couldn’t ever love anything more than him.

but years later, that all changes when you two first see the sonograms. how can you love something you’ve never even seen, touched, felt? but that’s what a parental love is all about, isn’t it?

you instantly feel protective, like you want to shield them from the cruelness of this world. like you’ll do anything for them, including….dying. however sometimes, you can’t protect them.

itadori’s world stops, shatters and crumbles as he hears the news. he doesn’t even feel his legs moving but suddenly, he’s no longer in the comfort of your guys’ home, but in the hospital. the nurses and security are nothing compared to his strength, the strength of a father, and the strength of a husband.

it’s almost insulting, or comical. after everything you two have been through, one would think a sorcerer would die from fighting a curse, not from a drunk driver.

burying people has never been a foreign concept to him. but you know what is?

burying three people all in one casket. his wife and unborn twins. a boy and a girl.

#jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #itadori yuuji x reader #yuji itadori #jjk #drabble #jjk angst #x reader #itadori yuuji #yuuji x reader #yuuji x you #itadori x reader #itadori x you #jjk yuuji #yuuji angst #jjk itadori

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snowysosturn · 3 months ago

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Speeding Car - Matt Sturniolo Part 7

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29

Pairing : y/n x Matt Sturniolo

Summary : After six years with your boyfriend Alex, you start to mentally check out. At a UCLA party, Alex reconnects with his childhood friend Emily, who proposes a double date with her boyfriend Matt. Your attraction to Matt grows as he pays you the first real attention you've had in years, sparking a complicated emotional journey.

Warnings : MDNI, swearing, thoughts of cheating (i don’t condone), angst, sarcasm, competitive nature

I decided after an hour of crying to take myself to bed, I was exhausted after letting all my emotions out. I felt embarrassed that Matt had seen me how he did. We’ve only met a handful of times and in one of them, I’m emotional wrecked. I'm not too sure how I felt when he appeared here earlier, but knowing he was going out of his way to help Emily, twisted the knife in my chest again. I tried to shake the thoughts of embarrassment and tidied over the living area when I heard a knock on the front door.

“Is Alex back already? I don’t think he took a key with him earlier.. Maybe he felt bad for blowing me off and came home early” I thought to myself.

I waltzed to the front door, a hardened look on my face. I pulled the door open to see..

Matt.

Matt was standing at my door again.

My heart stopped. I wasn’t expecting him to come back, and for a moment, I thought something might be wrong.

“Matt? Did you forget something?” I asked, trying to hide the fact that I’d still been crying since he last showed up here.

“No,” he replied, a bit awkwardly, but his concern was clear. “I just… Look, you don’t have to, but I was wondering if you’d want to come over to my place? Play some Mario Kart with me and my brothers? Get your mind off things?”

I hesitated, unsure if I should go. Part of me wanted to stay curled up in bed, wallowing in my disappointment, but another part of me, perhaps the part that had been craving any form of kindness or attention, wanted to go with him. “I don’t know… I don’t want to intrude,” I said, still uncertain.

“You wouldn’t be,” he said earnestly. “It’s just a chill night. And honestly, I’d feel better knowing you weren’t here by yourself.”

His words struck a chord, and I found myself nodding. “Okay, sure. I could use the distraction.”

“Cool, I'll meet you in the car.” Matt said as he turned, showing me a smile.

The drive to Matt’s place was quiet at first, the silence hanging between us in a way that wasn’t uncomfortable, but was definitely heavy. I was grateful when he finally broke it.

“Speeding car..” Matt said abruptly as he turned to look at me, his left hand gripping the steering wheel.

I knew straight away I was going to be asked a follow up question where I couldn’t back out of giving an answer straight away.

“So, what’s going on with you and Alex? If you don’t mind me asking.”

His question made my stomach twist, how did he know that I was upset over Alex?

I answered honestly. “He cancelled our plans tonight. We were supposed to do something together, but now he’s out celebrating with his team. It just… sucks, I guess.”

“Yeah, that does suck,” Matt said, his voice soft but firm. “You deserve better than that.”

I shrugged, trying to brush it off. “It is what it is, it’s kinda been like that for a while now, I’ve just learned to get used to it.” I muttered, though the disappointment lingered.

Suddenly silence fell on our conversation.

Did I say too much? Maybe I should’ve kept the last part out..

Matt POV

I arrived outside y/n’s apartment and stood there for a minute.

Should I knock? What if she doesn’t answer and I feel like an idiot? What if she does answer and I look like an idiot.

I decided to knock lightly and hope for the best. I heard some muffling behind the door so I knew she was there. Shortly after she answered the door, surprise flickered across her face. “Matt? Did you forget something?”

“No,” I said, scratching the back of my neck awkwardly. Fuck, say something you idiot.

“I just… Look, you don’t have to, but I was wondering if you’d want to come over to my place? Play some Mario Kart with me and my brothers? Get your mind off things?”

She hesitated, her eyes slightly widening. Oh god she thinks I’m a creep.

“I don’t know… I don’t want to intrude.” She answered, softly.

“You wouldn’t be,” I assured her, almost cutting her off from her last sentence. “It’s just a chill night. And honestly, I’d feel better knowing you weren’t here by yourself.”

She gave a small smile, the first real one I’d seen from her all night. “Okay, sure. I could use the distraction.”

“Cool, i’ll meet you in the car.” I said turning, giving her a smile. I really hoped this would lift her spirits.

I sat in the car where y/n joined me 2 minutes later, after locking up her apartment. The drive to my place was quiet at first, the silence hanging between us in a way that wasn’t uncomfortable, but was definitely heavy. I had an opportunity to ask why she was feeling this way, or in other words, who was making her feel this way.

“Speeding car..” I blurted out, hoping she would remember this icebreaker from the first time we met double date.

She gave me a glance to continue on with my question, “So, what’s going on with you and Alex? If you don’t mind me asking.”

I knew what I was doing. I knew he had upset her.

“He cancelled our plans tonight. We were supposed to do something together, but now he’s out celebrating with his team. It just… sucks, I guess.”

“Yeah, that does suck,” I said, my voice soft so she knows I’m there for her but firm enough to make it stick. “You deserve better than that.”

To my surprise she seemed to shrug it off. “It is what it is, it’s kinda been like that for a while now, I’ve just learned to get used to it.” She muttered through disappointment.

Suddenly silence fell on our conversation. I got lost in my own thoughts of what she had just said and stupidly never responded.

Did he treat her this way all of the time? How long has she been feeling this way? Can she relate to me with my situation with Emily?

y/n POV

Matt’s place was warm and inviting, with the comforting smell of pizza and the sound of his brothers arguing over which characters to pick in Mario Kart, their humor filling the room with a lively energy that I hadn’t realized I’d been missing. I hadn’t planned on ending my night this way, but being here felt like a welcome escape from everything that had been weighing me down. We walked up the stairs and into the living area where I finally came face to face with Nick and Chris.

“Heyyy y/n!” they cheered in unison.

“Coconut Mall? Really?” I teased as I settled on the couch beside Matt, gripping the Wii remote.

He grinned, nudging my shoulder. “Ready to lose on Coconut Mall?”

“Oh, you wish,” I shot back, adjusting my grip on the remote. “I don’t mess around when it comes to Mario Kart, don’t think you realised what you’ve gotten yourself in for” I joked, selecting Princess Peach as my player while Matt chose Yoshi.

The race began, and the upbeat, catchy music from the game filled the room. I quickly got into the zone, maneuvering Princess Peach through the brightly lit mall, dodging escalators and weaving between other racers. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Matt leaning forward, his focus entirely on the game as he guided Yoshi through the course.

“Watch out for those escalators, they’ll get you every time,” Matt warned, eyes narrowing as he made a sharp turn.

“Already ahead of you, Matt,” I replied with a smirk. “You might want to speed up.”

On the screen, my character zoomed ahead of his, narrowly avoiding a cluster of banana peels left by Chris. I glanced at Matt, who was concentrating hard, his competitive side coming out in full force. I only had to get past Nick, who was leading in 1st place.

Matt let out a small laugh as he snagged a red shell from an item box. “Oh, you’re not getting away that easy.”

I saw the red shell homing in on me and tried to dodge, but it was too late. The shell hit Princess Peach, sending her spinning out. I groaned as my character lost momentum, giving Matt the chance to speed past me.

“Damn it, Matt!” I exclaimed, glaring at him playfully.

“Dirty move, but I’m not out yet,” I muttered under my breath as I tried to recover. Matt chuckled, clearly pleased with himself, but I was already planning my comeback.

I hit a new item box, a blue shell handed to me. Matt and Nick were neck and neck to eachother so I knew it would take them both out.

“Which one of you MOTHER FUCKERS BLUE SHELLED ME” Nick yells at the top of his voice. Matts jaw dropping as he realised he took impact too.

“See, this is what happens when you underestimate me.” I say laughing to myself.

“Alright, final lap,” Matt said, grinning as we both leaned forward, completely absorbed in the game.

The final lap was intense, with both of overtaking eachother every few seconds as we raced through the mall, dodging obstacles and collecting items. My heart was pounding in my chest, the tension between us replaced by the thrill of competition. I managed to go over a speed ramp just before the finish line, surging ahead of Matt at the last second.

“Yesssss! Princess Peach for the win!” I yelled victoriously, raising my arms in the air.

Matt slumped back on the couch, laughing. “Okay, okay, you got me. That was a solid race.”

I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my face as I looked at him. “Told you not to underestimate me.”

The screen displayed the final results, with Princess Peach in first place and Yoshi in second. The catchy music continued playing as the results screen faded to black. The earlier tension and heartache had been replaced by a sense of bonding, both of us feeling more relaxed.

“Matt, did you seriously let her beat you?” Nick’s voice rang out. “You’re losing your touch, bro!”

Matt and I both burst out laughing, the competitive tension dissolving into light-hearted fun.

“Guess you’re just going to have to live with the fact that I’m the reigning champion,” I teased, still grinning.

“Yeah, yeah,” Matt replied with a smirk. “Don’t get too comfortable on that throne, though. We’re going again for a rematch.”

As we continued to mess with each other, the warmth of the room and the laughter we shared made me forget, just for a little while, about the tears I’d shed earlier, and the disappointment that had been eating away at me. Being here, with Matt, felt right, like an escape.

“Teams this time, I actually want a chance of winning something. Y/n we can go together.” Matt said turning to me.

I looked at Matt, raising an eyebrow. “Teaming up against your brothers? Think we can take them?”

Matt flashed a confident smile. “Having you on my team? Absolutely.”

“Bold move” Chris teased, grabbing his Wii remote. “Nick and I are basically unbeatable. You sure you’re up for this?”

“Yeah you sure looked unbeatable in that last race” I said sarcastically, feeling a surge of competitive energy. Matt laughed at my response while Chris’ jaw hit the floor.

The game loaded up again, and we quickly selected our characters, Matt sticking with Yoshi, while I went for Princess Peach again. Nick and Chris opted for Mario and Luigi, naturally. As the countdown began, the tension in the room shifted l to competitive, everyone ready to prove their skills.

“Let’s show them how it’s done,” Matt said, leaning in closer to the screen.

The race started, and from the beginning, Matt and I were in sync. We communicated effortlessly, calling out upcoming hazards and planning our attacks. Everything was perfectly timed. We were a force to be reckoned with, and it felt amazing to be in this moment with him.

“Almost there, we’ve got this!” Matt said, his voice filled with excitement.

We crossed the finish line together, with Yoshi and Princess Peach claiming the top two spots. As soon as the results screen popped up, we both threw our arms in the air in celebration.

“Hell yeah!” Matt shouted, turning to high-five me.

I laughed, feeling a rush of adrenaline as our hands connected.

Nick and Chris groaned in unison, slumping back on the couch in defeat. “I don’t believe it,” Nick muttered, shaking his head. “You two are an unstoppable team.”

“Just admit it,” I teased, still riding the high of our win. “You guys didn’t stand a chance.”

Matt leaned back into the couch, a satisfied grin on his face. “Guess we make a pretty good team, huh?”

“Looks like it,” I agreed, catching his eye for just a moment longer than necessary. There was that spark again, but this time it felt different. It felt lighter, more playful, but still very real.

Nick sighed dramatically, breaking the moment once more. “Alright, alright. You two earned that one. I’m going to go watch some RuPaul’s Drag Race but after that we’re coming back for a rematch.” he said as he stood up, walking up the stairs to his room.

“I’m coming too, can I sleep in your room tonight Nick?” Chris said following behind Nick like a lost puppy.

The laughter died down, and as we both caught our breath, I found myself glancing around Matt’s living room, noticing details I hadn’t before. My eyes landed on a set of sleek, silver plaques hanging on the wall. The bold engraving on each read “The Sturniolo Triplets” followed by an impressive subscriber count.

“Wait, you’re on YouTube?” I asked, unable to hide my surprise. I knew Matt has some kind of following from his Instagram, but I didn’t know exactly what for.

Matt followed my gaze to the plaques and nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. “Yeah, my brothers and I have been doing it for a while now. It started out as just something fun to do, but it kind of blew up. We never expected it to turn into what it is now.”

“That's insane,” I said, leaning in a little, my curiosity piqued. “What’s it like? Would you be recognised a lot?”

He shrugged, his expression turning a bit more serious. “It’s.. complicated. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do, and I’m really grateful for it. But there’s a lot of pressure, you know? So many people have these expectations of you, and it’s like you can never really turn it off. It gets lonely sometimes.”

The honesty in his voice tugged at something deep inside me. “Lonely?”

“Yeah,” he said softly, his eyes meeting mine with an intensity that made my heart skip a beat. “You start to wonder if people like you for who you really are, or if they just like the idea of you. It’s hard to tell who’s genuine and who just wants to be around you because of what you can give them.”

I nodded, the memory of Emily’s words at my apartment ran through my brain. She didn’t deserve him, but it’s not my place to say anything right now. “That must be really hard. I mean, it’s like you have to keep your guard up all the time.”

“Exactly,” he said, his voice dropping to a near whisper. “It’s why it’s so important to have good people in your life, people who see you for you. I really enjoyed spending time with you tonight, it felt easy.”

Our conversation slowed, the air around us thickening with a tension that hadn’t been there before. Matt’s gaze softened as he looked at me, and I could feel the connection between us growing stronger, almost palpable. It was like everything else faded away - the living room, the game, even the faint sounds from his brothers upstairs. There was just us, sitting so close, the space between us shrinking as our eyes locked.

My breath hitched, and I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if I leaned in just a little more. The thought of kissing him hung in the air, unspoken but unmistakable. I could tell he was thinking the same thing. The way his eyes flicked to my lips, the way he swallowed like he was trying to push the thought away, it all made my heart pound in my chest.

We were so close now, close enough that I could feel the warmth radiating from him. My mind raced, torn between what I wanted and what I knew was right. We held eye contact an-

“Matt!!” Nick’s voice boomed from the doorway as he ran down the stairs, breaking the spell between us. “You guys gotta check your phones, like, right now!”

I jumped back slightly, the sudden interruption brought me back to reality. Matt blinked, the intense moment between us dissipating as he turned to look at his brother.

“What’s up, Nick?” Matt asked, his voice tinged with frustration as he reached for his phone.

“Emily has been blowing up your phone, she called me to see if I was with you.” Nick insisted, his tone serious for once.

“Somethings wrong with Alex.”

a/n : sorry this is later than I expected. this isn’t proof read lol, i haven’t started part 8 yet so hopefully in the next few days, what’s happened with Alex?????

taglist : @muwapsturniolo @anitahunt @sturnfannn @jayde510 @chrissfavhoe @babyalliah-777 @v33angel @urmom69lol @willowrites @ribread03 @2muchofaslvt @sturnsaver @sleepysturniolo @jcsturniolo11 @jessie-essie @immattsslut @mynbbys @sturniolopanini @mattsturnxoxo @delicatechrry @t77te @sturnsyaper69

#snowy speaks #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #nick sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #the sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo x reader

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toxycodone · 5 months ago

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Okay, I'm gonna continue being horny about this man. Since he enjoys your reactions to the things he does, Kabru would do stuff that get you get going and stop halfway to hear you whine and sees you with the most absolute fucking sweet charming smile and it drives you insane. He goes down on you and you are close? Time to stop and he just stares with those bright blue eyes while you suffer because you were so close to finishing on his face but he just fucking smiles at you and you know he's doing it on purpose because he's having a lot of fun seeing you like that. Has two fingers inside you and touching the right places you are already seeing stars while his other hand roams your body and you both are kissing, you may think oh he's definitely going to let me cum this time, fucking wrong he can see how much you are enjoying it, but wouldn't it be more fun if he were to stop right at this point? Fucker.

So by the time he's balls deep in you you are completely overwhelmed, overstimulated and seriously sensitive and every single small touch is enough to have you moaning and whining, like hello is anybody in that beautiful brain he enjoys trying to dissect? No? No there's nobody cause he has broken you by taking so much time working you up your mind is completely quiet with the only thought in it being him and wanting him to make you cum.

Personally? I would love to think of that as a fun time and I think that's exactly why he also loves it too.

okay you have said something very beautiful to feed all the kabru thirst people. and u kinda struck a chord in me because...you got me thinking.

If you're dating Kabru, you're most definitely his favorite plaything. Like yes, he loves people and playing with them like dolls (in a usual innocent sense, he gives me huge anthropologist vibes).

But like. You're the only person who is like, fully consenting to his mindgames. He's not going to completely fuck with you because he loves you, he knows not to go too far (I like. think he tries hard to not be like elves.) But...

He enjoys pushing your limits. Seeing how far you could go. In an instance like this, he'd LOVE to see your reactions? Will you plead? Scream? Cry?

He wipes a tear from your cheek when you're so desperate to cum or so eternally frustrated from his lack of finishing you off. He licks the salty flavor off and just laughs at you. Well, it's not really at you. It's at the predicament you're in. You're totally at his will. And he loves it.

And when he does finish you off its like, not even really satisfying because he does it super quick and makes sure he doesn't cum. SO when you're coming down from your high he just starts this shit all over again. Kabru's pumping in and out of you--slowly but surely--breathing his pretty little moans in your ear and tenderly kissing your neck.

And you have to sit there and take it because its KABRU. You can't deny a man that pretty his orgasm or not want to be close to him. <3

#youre so real. for this. based. redpilled sigma skibidi toilet fr #kabru of utaya #kabru x reader #dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi x reader

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bisnes-socks · 15 days ago

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we've talked a lot about the lyrical content of the album but i wanted to say something about the musical side of it too. starting with autiomaa, because it struck me as musically so different.

first thing that kinda surprised me and poked me in the heart a little bit was the singing melody in the part that goes "hiekkaa silmissä, mut en mä näkis mitään muutenkaan", because that's not an easy melody to sing, considering he isn't a super strong clean singing vocalist. (i could write a whole essay about how he is vocally more able and more versatile than what people give him credit for, but strong melodic singing is not his top priority and that's perfectly fitting for what he does.)

so the melody challenges him and it goes somewhere you don't quite expect. as it keeps climbing higher and higher in that minor key, it sounds.. desperate. really sad. combined with the lyric about not being able to see, it's kinda haunting to me, and hearing that part the first time it kinda.. caught my breath in my throat because it sounds almost like pleading.

the first verse uses a lot of autotune and his delivery of the lyrics is in a lower and more monotone voice. i get this feeling of like... there isn't much emotion behind the voice at first. he sounds resigned, numb. and it's like the autotune is there to highlight that. the feeling of life being almost like automated. the autotune makes the voice sound a bit emotionless and machine-like, but also as if the autotune is trying to mask the monotone quality of it all, the monotone quality of life.

because the autotune is not there as much anymore in the second verse. and he sings higher in the second verse, with more effort and with much more emotion. oh he sounds a bit desperate again and it pokes me in the heart a little bit. he sounds like he is willing himself to be okay.

the synth sound that repeats the striking chorus melody, it reminds me of the synth sound in CCC, but like it's a distorted and broken version of that. a distorted version of the sound that, when heard basically anywhere in 2023, had people running towards it. a distorted version of the sound that no doubt represents a lot of mixed emotions. and when the song is kinda stripped down the way it is, what is standing at the end of the day is a beat, him and a distorted synth.

the beat and the chord progressions in the backing track remind me of things like scifi movie soundtracks, tron or something. there's a loneliness to that sound, because it's so easily associated with dystopias. it's like the soundscape of a digital desert. very fitting to this song, i think. i think it's a very well produced sound and a well produced track. there's also a moment, right before "kunhan kuuntelet" when the beat disappears. it kinda made me feel like i was falling, but it also really higlights what he's saying. how he is asking for you, us, anyone, to just listen, so the sound and the beat make room for that.

and one more detail. the one single yeehaw after the first verse, after "miks sydän ei oo happy, vaik se on lucky niinku luke". it's not there after the second verse anymore. and like. that one single yeehaw is so unbelievably sad to me. because it's like a demonstration of that whole thing where he's trying to be entertaining and trying to be funny, even when he feels nothing, just empty. like.. it's funny but it's not funny, not at all. it's almost painful that it's there. chills.

and one last thing i want to say about the lyrics. not so much about the content but i just want to say how much i like the way he uses language. he very clearly has a very good ear for what sounds good, what kind of syllables flow together, and he is very good at writing lyrics that are both interesting in their content but also just.. pleasing to listen to, as just sounds of the human voice. many such moments in this song, like "en mä näkis mitään muutenkaan" and "tunturin laki josta puuttuu puut" and the way he uses the words laki and lucky in close proximity. he's a good lyricist.

and this is a really good song.

#käärijä

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raimoka · 9 months ago

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— " SKYSCRAPER KILLS MY GHOST IN YOUR MEMORY "

｡ ㅤꕤ ㅤ PAIRING: beastzai & reader.

SYNOPSIS: dazai had been always painfully aware of his inability to obtain the things he wanted.

tags ➜ alternate universe—beast, beast spoilers, pining, gender neutral mc, kinda angsty, no happy ending, one-sided love, author is sleep deprived & may or may not have badly executed this work, lowercase as always. ‹𝟹

⋆ author's notes: another part of beastzai brain rot... this work was inspired by someone's else work, check out their account since it rlly gave me more motivation! also PLEASE give me ur thoughts abt beastzai since i rlly wanna write more abt him

send an order!! → guide ❀ flowers ←

"get away from me."

your words were harsh, accompanied with an abrasive tone which emphasized the words that elicited from your lips.

dazai's breath hitched, his expression distorted and his line of sight drawing meaningless figures in the air. he parted his lips open yet no words elicited from his lips, as if fighting against something invisible, as if he was a fish desperately wanting to say something but with the lack of vocal chords, they are unable to. his hands quaked, lowering his head to avoid the gaze piercing through his soul.

it wasn't the same. it was nowhere close, not even the slightest. the emotions reflecting on your eyes, your tone, your feelings towards him, everything about you. your eyes which would often reflect deep fondness and lenience were filled with cold bitterness, there was no single glimpse of love in your eyes, it was merely pure hatred. the look on your eyes stung him, as if his heart was being pierced by multiple glass shards leisurely, each one of them digging in slowly into the piece of flesh to agonize him and making sure he felt the sensation of each piece.

your love for him, or at least to him in another universe, was sweet as a sprig of mignonette. you showed extreme tenderness to him, so much that it brought queasiness to him with intense warmth engulfing his chest to the point it made his knees buckle underneath him yet all the traces of that love you always held for him was gone.

it wasn't the same.

he abruptly began to laugh, you blinked, tilting your head to the side, feigning your confusion as his soft laughters began to fill the tense atmosphere. he couldn't blame you, if someone suddenly laughed in front of him for absolutely no specific reason, he'd think they lost their mind the sound of his laughter slowly began to ebb away, his shoulders shaking, he was idiotic. how could he forget? he always have been conscious of it ever since the reality of his life had unfolded in front of him, dazai was never meant to be happy. he had no right to, he was in no position at all to deserve happiness, not with the pure blood that tainted his hands, everyone was better off without him and it was proven by the existence of this universe.

he was so distracted at the bright sun he saw for the first time in years upon discovering your presence, the luminance he witnessed left him too struck to the point when he stared at it, he forgot his own ugliness.

he was so preoccupied with the warmthness that enveloped his chest he forgot his own destiny.

it was never meant to be the same.

he had always known that, he was utterly foolish for believing he could at least be with you, even for a moment.

with his head drooped, the sounds of his shoes stepping against the tiled floor was hushed, walking slowly to your frame. you took a step back, slightly. you were entirely befuddled by the situation unwrapping before you, that was a thing for certain. who wouldn't? you didn't know this person nor did he give any sort appearance of familiarity, however, he knew you wholly, he knew your name, your likes, your routine, but he was merely a stranger to you, nothing more, nothing less. the moonlight shone over your figure, making every single bit of features visible, his head still lowered, sticking in with the darkness—It truly looked as if he was already with it for ages, It suited himself.

his hands precipitously reached out to you, attempting to catch a piece of misty clothes, you initially planned to step back, afraid he would do anything that would harm you, nonetheless, all he did was grasp onto your murky clothes. he loathed it, he detested it, your guard was up, you were cautious and alarmed, you didn't trust him at all. you were petrified of what he was scheming when all he wanted to do was hold you and feel your warmth, in hopes it would make him forget his own reality momentarily even if he disliked being completely vulnerable and exposed. you blinked in surprise as his hands clutched onto your clothes, you couldn't see what he was thinking, he was hiding his eyes away from you. strangely, how he did so felt familiar in spite of you having no recollection of him.

he parted his lips once again, finally opening his mouth after a while, "I won't do anything." he assured, he wouldn't be able to handle it if he hurt you in any sort of ways, he wouldn't forgive himself. you remained silent, like a cold, uncomfortable.

"I won't hurt you, It would be imprudent to do so." he reaffirmed once again, despite knowing his affirmation wasn't most likely gonna be effective especially since you barely recognized him.

all he wanted was just to get a single hold of you, after all, no matter how much he desired you to look at him with pure fondness, to hold his hand, to feel your hand caressing his face, to wrap your arms around his shoulder, and say some kind words to him like you used to, there was one thing for certain; you wouldn't, It's irrational, a stranger would have no right to feel all those, especially when the said stranger is an enemy of yours.

feeling the uneasiness grow further, you lightly placed your hand onto his bitterly cold hands, feeling his excoriated palms—completely besparred with feculent mire—with your thumb. you withdrew his hand away from yours clothes tattered with specks of dust. you were wholly fazed by his actions, it weirded you out. he understood what you were conveying and he backed away from you, lifting his once drooped head up slightly.

his gaze was kept on the ground, as if he was afraid to see the look you held for him. his eyes were swirling with sorrow and melancholiness, small tears swelling up on the corners of his eyes, It reminded you of a all mudded up mutt left in the streets—attempting to domesticate a monster into a lovable thing.

"I apologize for wasting your time." he spoke, and with that he turned around and left, never to be seen again.

It was pointless to meet up with you once more when he knew better than anyone else that you were completely disturbed by him, after all.

It would be the best option to not show himself to you again and accept you would forever hate him.

₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ @saelique ,, taglists are open everytime.

#♱ 𝗟𝗔𝗜𝗩𝗔𝗜 ::#★ works .ᐟ #୭ৎ beastzai brainrot .ᐟ #dazai x reader #beastzai x reader #beast dazai x reader #dazai osamu x reader #bsd x reader #osamu dazai x reader #dazai x you #dazai x y/n

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