#୭ৎ beastzai brainrot .ᐟ

[raimoka]

— " SKYSCRAPER KILLS MY GHOST IN YOUR MEMORY "

｡ ㅤꕤ ㅤ PAIRING: beastzai & reader.

SYNOPSIS: dazai had been always painfully aware of his inability to obtain the things he wanted.

tags ➜ alternate universe—beast, beast spoilers, pining, gender neutral mc, kinda angsty, no happy ending, one-sided love, author is sleep deprived & may or may not have badly executed this work, lowercase as always. ‹𝟹

⋆ author's notes: another part of beastzai brain rot... this work was inspired by someone's else work, check out their account since it rlly gave me more motivation! also PLEASE give me ur thoughts abt beastzai since i rlly wanna write more abt him

send an order!! → guide ❀ flowers ←

"get away from me."

your words were harsh, accompanied with an abrasive tone which emphasized the words that elicited from your lips.

dazai's breath hitched, his expression distorted and his line of sight drawing meaningless figures in the air. he parted his lips open yet no words elicited from his lips, as if fighting against something invisible, as if he was a fish desperately wanting to say something but with the lack of vocal chords, they are unable to. his hands quaked, lowering his head to avoid the gaze piercing through his soul.

it wasn't the same. it was nowhere close, not even the slightest. the emotions reflecting on your eyes, your tone, your feelings towards him, everything about you. your eyes which would often reflect deep fondness and lenience were filled with cold bitterness, there was no single glimpse of love in your eyes, it was merely pure hatred. the look on your eyes stung him, as if his heart was being pierced by multiple glass shards leisurely, each one of them digging in slowly into the piece of flesh to agonize him and making sure he felt the sensation of each piece.

your love for him, or at least to him in another universe, was sweet as a sprig of mignonette. you showed extreme tenderness to him, so much that it brought queasiness to him with intense warmth engulfing his chest to the point it made his knees buckle underneath him yet all the traces of that love you always held for him was gone.

it wasn't the same.

he abruptly began to laugh, you blinked, tilting your head to the side, feigning your confusion as his soft laughters began to fill the tense atmosphere. he couldn't blame you, if someone suddenly laughed in front of him for absolutely no specific reason, he'd think they lost their mind the sound of his laughter slowly began to ebb away, his shoulders shaking, he was idiotic. how could he forget? he always have been conscious of it ever since the reality of his life had unfolded in front of him, dazai was never meant to be happy. he had no right to, he was in no position at all to deserve happiness, not with the pure blood that tainted his hands, everyone was better off without him and it was proven by the existence of this universe.

he was so distracted at the bright sun he saw for the first time in years upon discovering your presence, the luminance he witnessed left him too struck to the point when he stared at it, he forgot his own ugliness. 

he was so preoccupied with the warmthness that enveloped his chest he forgot his own destiny.

it was never meant to be the same.

he had always known that, he was utterly foolish for believing he could at least be with you, even for a moment.

with his head drooped, the sounds of his shoes stepping against the tiled floor was hushed, walking slowly to your frame. you took a step back, slightly. you were entirely befuddled by the situation unwrapping before you, that was a thing for certain. who wouldn't? you didn't know this person nor did he give any sort appearance of familiarity, however, he knew you wholly, he knew your name, your likes, your routine, but he was merely a stranger to you, nothing more, nothing less. the moonlight shone over your figure, making every single bit of features visible, his head still lowered, sticking in with the darkness—It truly looked as if he was already with it for ages, It suited himself.

his hands precipitously reached out to you, attempting to catch a piece of misty clothes, you initially planned to step back, afraid he would do anything that would harm you, nonetheless, all he did was grasp onto your murky clothes. he loathed it, he detested it, your guard was up, you were cautious and alarmed, you didn't trust him at all. you were petrified of what he was scheming when all he wanted to do was hold you and feel your warmth, in hopes it would make him forget his own reality momentarily even if he disliked being completely vulnerable and exposed. you blinked in surprise as his hands clutched onto your clothes, you couldn't see what he was thinking, he was hiding his eyes away from you. strangely, how he did so felt familiar in spite of you having no recollection of him.

he parted his lips once again, finally opening his mouth after a while, "I won't do anything." he assured, he wouldn't be able to handle it if he hurt you in any sort of ways, he wouldn't forgive himself. you remained silent, like a cold, uncomfortable.

"I won't hurt you, It would be imprudent to do so." he reaffirmed once again, despite knowing his affirmation wasn't most likely gonna be effective especially since you barely recognized him. 

all he wanted was just to get a single hold of you, after all, no matter how much he desired you to look at him with pure fondness, to hold his hand, to feel your hand caressing his face, to wrap your arms around his shoulder, and say some kind words to him like you used to, there was one thing for certain; you wouldn't, It's irrational, a stranger would have no right to feel all those, especially when the said stranger is an enemy of yours.

feeling the uneasiness grow further, you lightly placed your hand onto his bitterly cold hands, feeling his excoriated palms—completely besparred with feculent mire—with your thumb. you withdrew his hand away from yours clothes tattered with specks of dust. you were wholly fazed by his actions, it weirded you out. he understood what you were conveying and he backed away from you, lifting his once drooped head up slightly.

his gaze was kept on the ground, as if he was afraid to see the look you held for him. his eyes were swirling with sorrow and melancholiness, small tears swelling up on the corners of his eyes, It reminded you of a all mudded up mutt left in the streets—attempting to domesticate a monster into a lovable thing.

"I apologize for wasting your time." he spoke, and with that he turned around and left, never to be seen again.

It was pointless to meet up with you once more when he knew better than anyone else that you were completely disturbed by him, after all.

It would be the best option to not show himself to you again and accept you would forever hate him.

₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ @saelique ,, taglists are open everytime.

[raimoka]

— " IL BANCHETTO FINALE "

｡ ㅤꕤ ㅤ PAIRING: beast dazai & reader.

SYNOPSIS: in which, dazai wishes to dance with you for the last time as a goodbye before proceeding with his plan.

tags ➜ beast spoilers, dazai is hopelessly in love with reader, established relationship, gender neutral reader, kinda angsty but generally a fluff, author may or may have not described the dancing rather poorly, lowercase as always. ‹𝟹

⋆ author's notes: i miss my wife beastzai, do not read beast, that shit ruins you. please also read the end note.

send an order!! → guide ❀ flowers ←

It was raining.

the tune of russian waltz — on the hills of manchuria — was playing in the background, mixing along with the sound of the rain drops falling audibly down on the metal window ledge. your gaze remained on the glass of the window, sprinkles of the rain dripping down the mirror. the skies had gotten darker and the clock read it was 1:45 am — osamu would often come home sometime during midnight. you would normally be asleep during midnight, however, as you were heading to bed earlier, a part of your mind was telling you to wait till osamu came back home. you didn't understood why but the thought lingered and you ended up being persuaded.

you were currently sitting on an arm chair, back pressing against the soft cushions. a cup of tea you brewed laid before you on a table accompanied by a opened book you were reading previously; both forgotten as your thoughts began to shift to your lover.

as you rested your head on your hand, the noise of the door opening abruptly interrupted your thoughts and you stood up from the armchair you were sitting on earlier.

you approach him steadily and you pulled him into a warm embrace, pressing your cheek against his chest.

"welcome home, osamu..." you murmur wearily and a soft laughter elicited from him.

"you sound so tired, 'bella." he pointed out as he snaked his slim arms around your waist.

"i was waiting for you."

as you uttered those words, the words in his throat died. he parted his lips but no words came out. silence filled the atmosphere, the only thing that could be heard was the waltz combining with the sound of the heavy rain.

he cleared his throat.

"you didn't need to, you know I'd be safe." he spoke, breaking the serene air that was occupying the room.

you laughed softly, "I initially planned to go sleep immediately." you paused your words before continuing.

"but I couldn't shake it off my mind. for some reason, my mind is telling me to spend more time with you and i'm worried that someday, you will disappear."

you didn't understand why you were being so open to him this time but you felt like it was necessary to say. you sensed his arms withdrawing from your waist slightly and he placed his hands instead on your waist.

"why don't i help you forget it?"

you blinked, he smiled softly before adding something else.

"i wanna ease your worries and... it seems important to do so."

because this will because the last moment we will spend.

he bit back his words. as he speaks, he gently separated his other hand on your waist and took your hands within his, interlacing your fingers together. your expression seemed rather surprised but as he interlaced your fingers together, you looked up at him, accepting his invitation to dance around, you put your hand on his shoulder and followed his steps. with a soft smile, he pulled you come closer to him.

as you two dance to the waltz playing in the background, you noticed two things about this; he completely knew each steps of the waltz's dance, and he held a melancholic gaze as he spun you rhythmically to the instrumental. while you resumed ogling at him mindlessly, a small smirk adorned his plump lips and spoke.

"you're staring at me a little too hard, 'bella." dazai teased lightly and you rolled your eyes, shifting your eyes from him before speaking.

"I didn't know you were familiar with these type of waltz, 'samu."

"I always liked this waltz."

"seriously? I never thought you would've liked these sort of songs." but osamu was always unpredictable, he never talked a lot about himself often with you, even after you managed to break in through the thick walls that encaged his throbbing heart.

you proceeded to gaze on your feets moving on the floor. you didn't understand much why he was so melancholic during this time, he was also clearly masking his intentions. you couldn't read his eyes either, his eyes were always swirling with emptiness — this was the first time you saw his eyes with this much melancholiness. he was so close and yet so far. you wanted to be even closer, you wanted to be close to his heart.

perhaps you merely didn't understand something.

to you, this was a simple dance.

to him, this was a major extension — his goodbye to you.

with your gaze on your feets, he made sure to take in every single detail of you; how your lips were shaped, how your bangs framed your face, how soft your hand felt within his, how your voice sounded, how plump your face was, how warm your body felt compared to his ice cold body, that you had grown accustomed to over time, and how your eyes shone with light, even with the slightest — oh, how he'd hate to see the pain in your eyes to his death.

he didn't even want to die.

he wanted to sink in the warm embrace of your arms and always stay by your side till you both die from old age. your embrace is something he certainly will miss in the afterlife, whether it'd be purgatory, hell, or maybe an abyss of darkness.

he wanted to spend his moments in his life with you, even if they were meaningless and you two were acting just the same as you both were while being idiots hopelessly in love each other even if it was so, so, selfish of him.

he didn't want to die but he needed to, for oda to live, and all he could do was at least give you a final goodbye before disappearing.

he lowered his eyes, he seemed to be in his own universe, and spun you again, he twirled you around as if you were a piece of porcelain he deeply prized, you could feel your worries gradually easing — even if you were still worried about his other intention for this action — with your bodies moving along the music. you glanced up where your hands joined and as the waltz's instrumental faded, he bended you over backwards slightly, wrapping his arm around your waist fully. 

you shift your gaze to his eyes that usually reflected dullness once again but this time, they were closed. he was hiding how he felt... if he had his eyes closed you could never understand what was on his mind.

before you could part your lips to call him out to gain an ounce of his attention, he beat you over it.

"belladonna."

you lifted your head and answered with a hum.

"don't forget me."

you blinked, you seemed concerned and he couldn't blame you for that but you chose not to speak about it.

"I promise."

₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ taglists are open everytime.

2024 © reposts are prohibited with/without permission... plagiarism is prohibited. don’t translate my work without my permission. i will take measures of reporting you.

I know dazai truly wants to die but beast dazau doesn't want to. dazai in canon and beast are different, even in the slightest, this was proven if you read the day i picked up dazai.

[raimoka]

꒰ ৎ୭ ꒱ . . "what do you like? i like you." ‹𝟹

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