#so that i would still be able to go places and move a bit
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GIRLIE i have been reading 4th wing and holy hell, why havent we got an azriel x fourth wing yettt? like just imagine, that man is literally perfect for ANY book crossover, I would pay good money to see Az beat the frick out of jack (ew)
Our Worlds Collided
・゚: *✧・゚:* ✧・゚: *✧・゚:* ✧・゚: *✧・゚:* ✧・゚: *✧・゚:* ✧・゚: *
Pairing(s): Azriel x reader
Warning(s): Violence... I mean, read the ask. Lol.
Summary: Living in a different place than your boyfriend is hard, and the moments you can be together, you don't want to waste. But, being in school, there are still obligations and tasks you must complete -- even if it means spending time with your man in a less-than-ideal place.
SR’s Note: This ask was *chef's kiss*. I've been doing so much lately with smut + the Invisible String series (which is finished btw, go read it if you haven't yet) that I haven't really got to write a cute little short story in a while. I hope this is what you wanted -- I'm happy with how it turned out!
Tags: @mellowmusings @rcarbo1 @lilah-asteria @kitsunetori @velarisdusk (inbox me or comment if you'd like to be added!)
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"I'm so glad you made it!"
You threw your arms around your boyfriend, his tall but strong frame engulfing you as he held you close. Grateful for the familiar scent of pine and mint, you inhaled deeply.
"You missed me that much?" The low timbre of his voice was like a caress against your very soul.
Nodding wordlessly, he pulled back, only a bit to look into your eyes. His shadows danced around him in a joyful parade, signaling his inner happiness he so rarely showed on the outside.
"I missed you too, Y/N." He leaned down, pressing a kiss against your lips and smiling when you tugged him close for more. He slid his rough hands along your waist, settling on your hips while his lips moved against yours.
The moment, one you'd been desperate for for weeks now, was harshly interrupted by the mid-afternoon bell, signaling the end of classes for the day. You pulled back, watching your boyfriend grimace at the sound.
"Don't tell me you've never heard a schoolbell before, Azriel," you chuckled. His ears perked up at the sound, and only when it finally ended did he resume his usual, unassuming posture.
"I'll have to get used to the sounds here again." He says. It was true -- where he was from, Prythian, sounds were much softer as the fae hearing had adapted that way. But, in Basgiath, for your kind; it was quite the opposite.
"Yes... and the dragons." You'd taken his hand, making way for your dorm as he sighed.
"Ahh, yes. Almost forgot about those."
・゚: *✧・゚:*
He truly could not have come to visit at a worse time; not to sound ungrateful, you loved seeing your boyfriend and all, but between all the training, challenges, and courses you were balancing -- well, there were many hours of the day that you had to leave him to attend those duties.
But, you couldn't complain. Spending every evening, curled up with Azriel, your back to his chest as you got the best sleep of your life? You were counting down the days to graduation.
"So... a first year... that's when we met," Azriel says slowly, flipping through one of your library books. He'd chosen Basgiath's War College History, and was all the more quizzical.
"Yes," you confirmed. "That was when I took Ramir to... well, Prythian." You shrugged. "Accidental, of course, but, look what it got me."
He glanced up, chuckling as you threw him a wink. It was an unusually rainy Friday, and though you'd rather be exploring the town with Azriel, Emetterio had other plans.
"But, how were you even able to leave the college with your dragon?" He asks, frowning at the next. You wrap a few more strands of your braid, reflecting on the distant memory.
"Oh, I got in trouble all right." General Sorrengail had been furious with you upon your return, having clearly stated that dragon riding was for Basgiath-grounds only. "But, like I said -- at least I met you."
He doesn't look up this time, flipping the page and reading more of the text intently.
"So, now that you're a third-year," he starts, his attention only faltering for a moment when you sit down on the mattress beside him. "You can go anywhere you want?"
You nod in confirmation. "Yup. That's right -- Ramir doesn't particularly like long-distance flying, but he does just fine going to Prythian and back."
Azriel looks sidelong at you, and in the dim afternoon light, you can count every freckle on his face. His hazel eyes gaze at you, flickering between your eyes and lips. You lean in, pressing a quick kiss to his lips as his hands slide along your upper thigh.
Your alarm buzzes from your phone, causing Azriel to pull back and cover his ears with his palms. You scramble to turn it off, leaning across your boyfriend to reach the night stand in the process.
"Sorry! I'm sorry," you apologize. Your movement to sit back down is halted; his large hands pulling you to straddle him.
He smirks at you, appreciating your cute giggle as you sit on his lap. His hands run up and down the sides of your waist, and in an instant his lips are on yours again.
"Hmm, quite handsy today, are we?" You mumble, eliciting a chuckle from him against your mouth. He enforces his feelings as his left hand lightly pats your behind, and you squeak.
"I wonder why you've got all this on, anyway?" He mutters suggestively. You peer down at him with a scolding expression.
"Though I'd love to have it all off," you punctuate. "I have to be in the training room in 10 minutes." His smile falters a bit, and you realize too late that you slipped up.
"Training room? For what?"
Realization hits you, and you hastily hop off his lap to grab your phone and boots.
"Uh, we have, umm..." You fumble, quickly yanking your boots on and tying the laces. "Training. Tonight."
He looks at you, unimpressed. "Really. Training, at 5 in the afternoon? On a Friday?" He raises an eyebrow.
You huff, standing as you adjust your leathers. "Y-yes."
He continues his blank stare, clearly not buying it.
"Don't worry, I won't be long -- I promise, I'll be quick." You reach for the doorhandle, making up for the time you you'd spent on your boyfriend's lap.
"And, safe." He calls, just as the door shuts.
As you jogged through the corridors, you felt anything but safe. Azriel hated when you got hurt, and of course, before the long weekend, Professor Emetterio was holding challenges. It made sense to choose tonight so injured riders could rest up before classes resumed Tuesday -- but given your situation, it really, really sucked.
Especially because of who had chellanged you; none other than Jack Barlowe.
・゚: *✧・゚:*
"Girl, you're lucky Emetterio is running behind," Violet says, shaking her head as you finally make it to the training ring. Rhiannon places a light hand on your shoulder, making sure you're okay, but you only nod to her in thanks.
"I.... I lost, track... of time," you say between pants. Rhiannon nods in sympathy, but your silver-haired friend only smirks.
"Mhm, I'm sure you did. Too caught up with the Shadowsinger?" She teases. Rhiannon gasps.
"I didn't know Azriel was in town!" She beams. You roll your eyes at Violet.
"Oh, like you've never been late before," you grin wickedly. "Too busy playing with shadows, and such." Rhiannon claps a hand over her mouth, giggling at the insinuation.
Violet can't help but laugh too. "Oh please -- we know you love your boyfriends little playmates just as much."
Just then, the training room door swings open as Professor Emetterio walks through. He walks straight to the center of the room, clipboard in hand.
"Students!" He bellows, and the entire room hushes. "I have the list here of challenges for this evening -- now, I want to remind you all, the goal of these scheduled fights is not to kill, but rather build your own strength as a rider against an opponent."
Your eyes flicker to that familiar head of blonde hair across the room. Bile rises in your throat as he snickers, whispering something to his friends before meeting you with a menacing stare.
You look away.
"...we'll try to make this quick, as I do understand it is a long weekend and most of you have plans." He clears his throat, adjusting his glasses on his nose and squinting down at the first names.
"Ridoc and Merlin -- please step onto the training mat!"
Everyone clears off the mat, instead lining the outer edges to get a view of the impending battle before them. You stay close to your friends, your attention interrupted by Violet's voice in your ear.
"We've always kind of had the same type, haven't we?"
Rhiannon giggles again from her other side, and you loose a breath you hadn't realized you were holding.
"We do not -- for example, I would've never dated a guy like Dain." You quip. Violet groans, stratching her forehead.
"Okay, that was definately one mistake," she says. Rhiannon glances between the two of you, counting the similarities on one hand.
"Hmm, tall, tan, brooding shadow masters? Yeah, I'd say your type is the same." You blush, thinking of the handsome male waiting for you in your dorm room.
Violet chimes in. "Don't forget about the tattoos."
Rhiannon nods, holding up another finger. "Right, right -- definitely can't forget the tattoos."
・゚: *✧・゚:*
Three more pairs are called after the first fight, and you're so caught up in conversation with your friends that you almost miss your name being called.
"Y/N and Jack -- please take the mat!"
Violet looks to you in horror, as Rhiannon gasps.
"Y/N! Why didn't you tell me you had to fight-"
"It wouldn't have changed anything." You glare ahead, watching Jack's pompous, blonde head part through the crowd of onlookers.
It was true, your friends couldn't have done anything to change the fact that Jack had challenged you. In a twisted way, you kind of wanted the opportunity to punch him in the face -- but, the niggling fear of him punishing you to the near brink of death had you mostly thinking otherwise.
Taking the mat, you watched as Jack sized you up, smirking and rolling his lip between his teeth before taking his beginning stance. You mirrored him, fists raised, though they shook.
"Begin."
Jack wastes no time, slowly stepping around the ring as he continues to look at you menacingly. You move in opposition, trying to keep as much distance as you can.
"Awww," he coos mockingly. "Not so tough now that were in the training ring, are we?" He smirks.
You glare at him. "I've always been tougher than you, Jack."
He chuckles, lunging forward and clicking his teeth together in front of your face. You step back, your boot stepping onto the cold concrete floor outside the training ring. Emettario clears his throat, before breathing out a sigh.
"Y/N, please. Step back onto the mat."
You take a half step onto the mat, it's surface not much more forgiving than the concrete it sat on. Jack snickers, backing up to allow you an inch of room.
"Y'look scared to me, Y/N." He moves, slow and stealthy. "Almost as scared as Baide when I-"
"Shut the Hell up." You grit out, glaring hard at him. Reflecting back to the moment that caused all this to begin with, your blood boils. Finding Jack out late that night last week, all of those weapons, how he had mistreated his own dragon-
"Ooooh, hot are we?" He sneers, ignoring the fearful faces of your friends standing just outside the ring behind him. "That's the difference between dragons and us -- they are easier to control."
Rage bubbles over the surface, your own words drifting into the back of your mind. They're no different than we are, you'd tried to convince him that night. They deserve our respect.
You lunge at him, respect be damned for the asshole before you. Adrenaline pumps through your veins at the silent victory; your fist had hit him exactly where you wanted it to. He staggers back, clutching his face with one hand as he gasps, his other hand raised before him.
"Fuck, you!" He growls, making to grab you but you're too fast. You snake to his side, kicking your boot against his stomach. He doubles over, falling to his knees in pain.
The memory of Violet in this position from your first year sends you reeling, remembering the horror of watching your best friend beaten and bruised so badly that Xaden had to come finish her challenge for her.
You grap him around the neck, flexing your arm at a 45 degree angle in an attempt to put him in a headlock. He'd never hurt anyone again; not you, not your friends, not any dragon, whether it be someone else's or his own-
His hands grip your arm, pulling you over his back and slamming you straight onto your back before him. You let out a cough as the wind was knocked out of you, your vision blurring as you tried to refocus on the ceiling above you.
"Shouldn't have fucked with me, Y/N!" He shouts, scrambling to his feet, only to land a harsh kick to your ribcage. You cried out in pain, grabbing your side as you felt his boot shoving against your ribs, and fingers, again.
"I do what I want with my dragon," he grunts, ramming his shoe into your side over and over again. Pain explodes across your body, your fingers cracking beneath his repeated blows.
Black spots begin to fill your vision, the overhead lights blinking out as the last sounds feel your ears. You're blacking out. You're surely blacking out.
You try again to rise, weakly as your arms shake beneath you. It's no use -- his foot connects with your hipbone, sending you right back to the floor. The shouts of your friends, Emetterio's calling, the world around you; it all begins winking out.
Curled onto your side, you heave one last final breath, waiting for the final hit to send you into darkness.
But, it never comes.
You crane your neck, confused as the shouting around you grows louder. Wincing in pain, you make it onto your back, only having to turn your head to watch as the horrific scene unfolds from the other side of the mat.
Tall and terrifying, you watch those familiar scarred hands throw the blonde to the ground, his body literally bouncing in recoil at the impact. Large, tanned muscles yank Jack back up; only to twist his arms behind his back, the angle unnatural.
Your enemy cries out, writing in pain as the wispy black shadows hurl punches of their own at the bastard. Dark, large wings flare behind the male; the talons enough to send anyone away screaming.
"Please... you don't have to do this, I-"
Azriel punches him clean in the jaw, Jack's head jerking as he falls limply to the ground. The growing crowd around the mat erupts, their screams so loud it felt deafening.
You now understood why Azriel hated the sounds here so much.
The black dots clouding your vision increase, your heart rate slowing before you finally black out -- the last thing you see are his familiar leather boots stalking toward you.
・゚: *✧・゚:*
"She's going to be just fine."
The light from the overhead bulbs is blinding as you squint your eyes open, muffled voices and beeps becoming more distinguishable. You blink a few times before everything comes into clear view -- the white operating bed, the heart rate monitor beside you...
...the brooding, winged male in the chair across from you.
"I... what..." you look side to side, taking in the mender watching over you. He begins to grab his things, preparing to leave.
"Your challenge with Mr. Barlowe left you with a few... injuries," he settles on the word lightly. You don't miss his quick glance to Azriel before he continues. "But, not as many as he recieved himself."
You swear there is a hint of a smile behind his words.
"I'll leave you two for a moment."
No sooner than the door shuts behind him, Azriel is on his feet and approaching your bedside, opting to sit next to you on it as he looks down at you. Concern etches his features, underneath the unassuming mask he puts on; then, the memories of what happened start coming back to you.
"Why would you step in like that?" You say angrily, and Azriel huffs.
"Seriously, Y/N? Why would I step in?" He raises his eyebrows. "Maybe because I wasn't comfortable watching the shit get beat out of my girlfriend, that's why." He takes your wrapped hand in his, though his brows still knit on his forehead. "Why didn't you tell me about the fight beforehand?"
You relax your features a little, your heart softening as he rubs small circles against the back of your palm with his thumb. "I didn't think you'd particularly like it, or understand-"
"You're damn right I don't like it." He says, giving your hand a small squeeze. "What would have happened had I not been there?"
His hazel eyes stare right into yours, and you bite your bottom lip. Truly, what would have happened?
"I-I don't know, I guess, Emetterio would have-"
"He wasn't doing shit, Y/N." He sighs, leaning on his elbow to cocoon you in an embrace. He presses a soft kiss to the side of your neck, and you find yourself relaxing a bit more against his warmth.
"I don't like that you have to go through these things." He says after a moment of silence. His voice is softer now, his hand lightly running along your bandaged side. "I don't like to see you hurt-"
"I have to do this though, Az. It's part of training." You turn to face him, wincing in pain as the fresh bandages do little to ease you. "And, I'm much tougher than you think."
A ghost of a smile graces his lips, his rough fingers reaching out to brush a piece of hair out of your eyes.
"I know you are. I just... I don't want anything to happen to you. I love you too much for that."
Your heart practically bursts out of your chest at the sentiment, and in that moment, you snuggle closer to his chest.
"Good thing I have a big, strong male that I love to protect me then."
#a court of thorns and roses#acotar#acosf#a court of silver flames#a court of frost and starlight#acofas#azriel smut#azriel#azriel fanfic#azriel shadowsinger#azriel acotar#azriel spymaster#acowar#a court of mist and fury#a court of wings and ruin#read more
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Ocean blue
Rafe Cameron
As I stood one step behind Rafe and our daughter, I felt like their bodyguard. He always wanted to have her in his arms. He didn’t feel the need to use her stroller, so it always stayed in the trunk. He would look back every so often to make sure I was close by but most importantly, he made sure to catch every moment, expression, or action from our daughter. “Don’t get her too close to the glass” I warned. But just as I said it he squatted down with her close enough to touch the glass. He grins back at me before turning to see our daughter so fazed with the creature in front of her. I step back taking a seat on the wooden bench and just watch those two.
“Can you imagine them living amongst dinosaurs?” My head snaps to my right as a man takes the seat beside me. “Of course they developed over the years but it's incredible to think of how far back they go.”
“And now you have them here” I plainly point towards the glass. “Living behind a glass where people pay to come and see them.” The guy laughs shaking his head.
“If you think they deserve better, why come see them?”
“Call me a hypocrite,” I smile. “I like to think these places are made up of animals we have helped. Maybe that small turtle was saved and would never be able survive out there in the wild.”
“A nice way to see things,” He lets out a sigh. “But still pessimistic?”
“Oh yes” I laugh. “It’s second nature to me. People can be so deceiving that it's easier to never truly put your trust on someone.”
“Talking from experience?” I turn my head to look at him. My smile turned into a bit of a frown. His mood shifted really quickly, noticing my change. “You seem like a person who believes in second chances?”
“I believe things can be made right, but I also believe a person should know their value. Trust should be sacred. If you decide to trust someone it could either make you noble or a fool for falling for the same trick twice.”
“And you don’t want to make that mistake twice because you’re scared of the pain?” I shake my head letting out a quick laugh. “In my books it doesn’t make you a fool to trust again, it simply means you are a human with a big heart.”
“Guess we just differ in opinions.” He smiles nodding along.
“We should meet up to see if that is true, maybe in a couple of years it will be the same?” I look over feeling my smile die down. I take a deep breath ready to respond when someone cuts me off.
“I think not.” Our heads turn to see Rafe standing there. “Our daughter wants to visit the shop.” His eyes rolled over to mine. Dead expression on his face.
“I don’t mean to cause any trouble-”
“Then walk away.” I gasp at Rafe's response. I was about to grab his hand and pull him away when he turned towards me and handed over our daughter. As I adjusted her in my arms I am faced with his back.
“I-” I see the man stretch to the side with pleading eyes to look at me but of course Rafe blocks him. He moves forward with each hand grabbing a fist full of the man's collar.
“Look dude. I am trying to have a nice day with my family and you are ruining it. You are some creepy guy who comes to places like these alone to what? Pry on women hoping they give you some attention?”
“Rafe stop.” I demanded placing a hand on his shoulder.
“Look man I just saw her sitting there and she looked a bit down,” What? I looked down? People said I have a resting bitch face but I didn’t know it made me look depressed, what the fuck.
“Your mistake.” Rafe continues. “Now that I am here you can move along and bother someone else, this one is mine.” He lets him go with a little shove. I stay quiet knowing and hoping it won’t escalate. The man fixes his shirt and with a last glance towards me he walks away.
“Seriously?” I say watching Rafe walk to where I was standing. “You didn’t have to do all of that.” He doesn’t respond. He simply takes a hold of my hand and begins to drag me somewhere. “Rafe,” I say a little louder trying to get his attention. He swiftly dragged us between the crowd until we stopped in front of the family bathroom.
“In.” He opened the door and motioned for me to get in but I just stood there. I raised one brow thinking how crazy he was acting and childish. “Can you please get in?” I rolled my eyes and got in. I shake away the small grin knowing it wasn’t the time to acknowledge his cute plea. I wait for him to close the door and lock it. “I heard you two talking.”
“Rafe you know I wouldn’t-”
“I wasn’t talking about him.” He stays put in the doorway. I search his eyes for any clue, until it hits me. “Are you ever going to trust me?” His voice was almost a whisper. “You don’t say it but I know the reason for you breaking up with me and putting me on trial to be in our daughter's life was because of my past.” I was left speechless. My cheeks were burning and my bones were aching to just touch him. I saw how pain flashed in his eyes but I couldn’t find the words. “You would have hated who I was back then and who’s to say I won’t go back to being that person again. My father was a bad man but I loved him.” His last word made his voice crack. “I don’t want her to live through that and hate me,” His head falls down but I notice a small tear rolling down his cheek. “I don’t want to live knowing you always have a foot out the door.” That's when he broke down into a cry.
“Rafe,” I swallowed the pain in my throat and walked over to him. I grabbed his hand and led him to the single couch in the room. “Look at me Rafe.” I kneel in front of him. I lifted his chin a bit to search for his eyes. Once I saw his eyes focus on me I moved our daughter to his lap. “I can’t tell you that it didn’t play a part in my decision because it did.” His chest was breathing heavily. “But it didn’t make me stop trusting you, ever.” Both of my hands were holding his cheeks making sure he didn’t look away. I move my thumbs to clear up the remainder of his tears. “Baby I fell in love with the man you became after so much pain. You did that on your own before we met and after seeing you become a father, I know you won’t ever do anything to make her and I hate you.”
“But you don’t even look at me the same.” I grinned hearing his childlike whine. I move closer between his legs.
“I don’t look at you the same because you keep changing on me for the better.” I begin to smile bigger. “I fell in love with a 20 year old boy who was building a life for himself. Then again as a 24 year old man who became the father to our little girl. Now I have a chance to see what kind of person you will become as we grow older together but trust me, the only change you see in my eyes is how my love just keeps getting bigger and bigger for you.” I lift my head giving him a quick kiss. “Those blue eyes have become my favorite blues to see.”
“Not the ocean?” He says quietly.
“No, ocean blue doesn’t even come close.” He nods softly before fixing his down posture. “Are you okay?” He flickered his eyes down towards me as he nodded. But when I tried to get up with one hand he kept me from standing up. He leans forward and as I try to pull away but his free hand moves from my shoulder to the back of my head.
“You need to be more careful when talking to strangers,” What am I, 10?. “I held back because our daughter was nearby, but don’t go making friends with strangers, especially men.” I roll my eyes as I let out a chuckle. “You two are mine to protect.” I move forward resting my forehead against his.
“She is ours to protect,” I say challengingly. His piercing eyes don’t change showing how he was not amused with my answer. “I won’t do it again.” I groaned, pulling away from him. “Can I get up now? My knees are killing me”
“I don’t know why. You have always been good on your knees.” I scoff pushing him away.
“You're an idiot.” I hear him laugh as I pick myself up. “Now let's go because there is an otter plushie that has my name on it.” I hear the couch creek as he stands and walks over to the door. I turn around to face Rafe, one hand on the handle behind my back as he stares down at me. “I love you so much.” I whisper quietly and slowly. His eyes move to my right and then the left a couple of times. “Don’t forget it.” I simply state. I turn and push the door open but his hand grips mine and pulls it close. His face right beside me ear,
“Woman if I didn’t have my daughter in my arms right now I would fuck you against this very door. Don’t go saying things like that when I can’t do anything about it.” He takes a step back allowing me to focus back on opening the door. I tried to swallow but my mouth was left dry. Of course Rafe was enjoying it. He wrapped his free arm around my neck and led us to the shop with a grin on his face.
“Fuck the store” I stop in my tracks. Shivers were literally circulating around my body.
“What?” Is he stupid?
“We can come tomorrow to get her a stuffed animal. Let's go home. She needs to nap.” I didn’t care how desperate I looked or sounded. I needed Rafe. These people should be grateful I have enough self restraint to hold myself back but it wouldn’t be for long.
“What about the otter-?”
“Fuck the otter Rafe.” I looked around a little embarrassed as I spoke a little too loudly. I walked closer making sure no one was going to hear me. “I am giving you a chance to go home and fuck me Rafe.” His eyes widened. “You can fuck me until you put another baby in me. I need you,” I look up with pleading eyes hoping to get him on the same page.
“Yes ma’am.” And with Rafe, it didn’t take much.
#y/n#reader#y/n l/n#smut#yn#rafe fluff#rafe x you#rafe#rafe cameron#rafe fanfiction#rafe x reader smut#rafe smut#rafe x reader#rafe imagine#rafe fic#rafe cameron smut#rafe obx#rafe outer banks#outerbanks rafe#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron fluff#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron x you#obx rafe cameron#outer banks#outer banks x reader#outer banks rafe#rafe x y/n
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Alright, since the events of Raid on Greymalkin directly affects Arkady, let's talk about it and how terribly the X-men have all been written in this narrative for this story to work and what it likely means for Arkady’s future.
So, in the first issue of Sentinels, Omega Red was captured and brought to Greymalkin Prison by the new Sentinels that Larry Trask and Warden Ellis have created to hunt down "bad" mutants. Keep in mind, Omega Red did absolutely nothing to deserve being thrown into a place like this, as his arc in the From the Ashes Infinity Comic shows. In fact, no one imprisoned here deserves to face what goes on behind these closed doors:
Here, we are shown the state of this prison. It's flithy, rat-ridden, and disgusting. These characters have to live in this place. Blob is being tortured, and -- as we later come to learn in the events of Raid -- brainwashed KGB-style through this method of torture to become a "trustee." I'm going to focus on this a bit as it is important to not only show how this is going to affect the imprisoned characters moving forward from this storyline, but also how it paints the X-men in a very bad light for allowing this to continue.
So, the characters who are imprisoned in Greymalkin currently are all characters who have been villains at one point or another. Every one of these characters has faced judgment and hatred for being what they are and what they were made into. Omega Red is a prime example of this. As a child, he feared and hated his powers:
This is not a view of himself that has improved in adulthood. Arkady still views himself as a monster, that his abilities make him a bad person:
And this is a view he holds even after his time spent on Krakoa where he was able to start turning his life around. He doesn't have to kill to live anymore, and Sage had done a lot to help him improve himself while he lived there and worked as a member of X-Force. Even after all that and her encouragement, the doubt lingers. The self-loathing is still there. I know Arkady is not the only prisoner trapped in Greymalkin right now who struggles with such doubts. Who carries guilt like he does. It's a subconscious view that a lot of mutants have about themselves because society has pretty much told them for their entire lives that they're horrible people because of their powers. That they're all monsters and freaks of nature that need to be killed or locked up. And now, these characters have been put into a place where those fears and doubts about themselves and their place in the world are being indoctrinated into them to be the only thought they're allowed to have about themselves:
This creed that these trustees are forced to recite and believe in is just sickening. Any amount of self-worth that any of them started to get in their lives as of late is being stripped away again in the cruelest possible way. They're being told -- through torture mind you -- that they were born evil. That they're monsters. That they are lesser than humans and lesser than any other mutants because the genetic lottery gave them powers that were a burden and a curse rather than something that can easily be used to benefit others or that would allow them to pass as a normal human like so many of the X-men can.
Which brings this all around to the main point: the X-men. Before this new era even started, I want to point out a few things. The first is that the X-men worked with all of these current prisoners in one form or another while living on Krakoa. They (eventually) gave every one of these characters a chance. Blob was a bartender. Omega Red got cured of his need to kill and became a member of X-Force. Theresa was able to reconcile with Sean and Black Tom and bring their family together. The X-men were able to see these changes and progress made by all of these people. In Omega Red’s case, they even voted on the decision to give him a second chance, with Kurt being a voting member of the Quiet Council who decided to listen to Sage’s argument to have him brought back. They should know that these former villains have been making an effort to improve themelves. The last time they saw any of them, these former villains were all allies, which makes comments like this seem very out of character for someone like Kurt to make:
Kurt should know Arkady is an ally. But yet he's acting like Omega Red is a monster and that nothing he did on Krakoa to improve himself even mattered. Which, again, is something that all of these prisoners are being tortured into believing about themselves. Hearing the X-men hold the same view about you as these horrible guards do is not something that will make a person feel welcomed or loved or help them believe that they can be better than what the world made them into. The trust that Omega Red had started to build on Krakoa with the X-Men is going to start to crumble because of how they are continuing to view him and the plight that all these characters are in.
Which brings me to my next point: just what are the X-men doing? When Krakoa fell, Orchis had mutants under siege. They rounded up mutants in camps to strip them of their powers and torture them. The X-men and Avengers didn't stand for that and fought tooth and nail to get rid of Orchis. They went to war for their kind, for their right to exist. And they beat Orchis. But what did they really end up gaining at the end of it all? Well, if you're the X-men, you got some variation of peace or concessions, getting bases, time to relax and enjoy the world and your victory. Being able to pass for human really helps in that regard. If you weren’t able to pass, however?
You faced violence. Discrimination. Hatred. Society is not kind to mutants who look different. Who are unable to blend in. These were the mutants --villain or not -- who benefited the most from Krakoa. Because they all finally had a place where they could be safe and accepted no matter their looks or abilities. When the X-men finally beat Orchis, they seemed content to leave everything at that and didn't try to reclaim any piece of what they had lost for the sake of those mutant brothers and sisters who were bound to struggle the most without a mutant community to support them.
They unfortunately seemed to just accept that everything was still fine since they themselves weren't personally being bothered by the hatred. But all the while, mutants have started to slip through the cracks without support from the wider mutant community. A community that the X-men are supposed to protect. And this extends beyond characters like Omega Red and the other Greymalkin prisoners, although they are the ones currently being tortured the most. Lifeguard. Chamber. Firestar. These are all characters that have faced a world that hates and fears them without the X-men doing anything to help them. Why haven't the X-men done anything? Because so many of them just gave up and settled for what they have. They had the luxury to be able to do so because they look human. Their powers aren't horrendous abilities that they can't control or that kill people.
Even still, even if they want to take a break, they should all know the fight is not done. They are all well aware of what was done to their former home, the X-Mansion. They know it was turned into a prison. Jubilee scouted it out. Rogue and Scott had phone calls about it. And yet they did nothing. They let it continue to stand, this place which sullies the name of the X-men and their history. This place -- which treats mutants in a similar way to how Orchis treated mutants -- is allowed to continue to grow and thrive even after the X-men and Avengers had just put their foot down and said such places were not going to be tolerated. Now they're tolerating it? Why? There is absolutely no reason to wait. And yet they did. They did absolutely nothing to correct this injustice towards their fellow mutants until one of their own was impacted. Until they themselves finally started to face the same things characters like Omega Red had already been facing for months now. It was only when they were personally threatened that they decided to do anything. Which brings us to the Raid itself.
The Raid... was a mess. A disaster. A series of unfortunate events that didn't have to be. Instead of going into this place, seeing the atrocities committed on the grounds of their first home and feeling a strong urge to eliminate this threat, what did they do? They fought amongst themselves. They argued. They did absolutely nothing to help any of the prisoners. Kurt left Omega Red to rot in his cell. They did nothing to free the trustees nor made any sort of real threats of anger towards the warden for what she was doing to their fellow mutants. Rogue came the closest to saying this place was wrong, but all her concern was devoted to Charles Xavier, the only mutant willingly imprisoned in this place. No concern was given to any of the others at all until it was too late.
And yet, again, this whole thing just seems wrong and runs as an antithesis to what the X-men are, what they stand for, and what they would actually tolerate. A big laser gun should be something they should be able to take care of. The X-men shouldn't be this easily cowed into obedience after everything they recently faced with the fall of Krakoa and how they fought back against Orchis. Thry shouldn't be taking "no" for an answer. They shouldn't allow for this prison to stand. They NEVER should have. And yet, time and time again here, they have failed in their work to actually help their kind, to make the world a better place for mutants. This is not the X-men I fell in love with reading about. This is not the X-men that I know. The X-men should be doing so much better than this. But they're not. They've rolled over and accepted that this is the reality and that they are powerless against a podcaster and her satellite weapon.
This is something the X-men should have never allowed to happen. They should have never allowed things to get this far. And as a result, by doing nothing when they could and SHOULD have been doing something, their enemies were allowed to regroup and begin targeting the most vulnerable members of the mutant community. The X-men failed in their responsibilities and let a place full of cruel and unusual punishment to stand because they weren't the mutants being personally affected by what was happening. And now, so many more have to pay the price for their inaction.
Where does that leave the unfortunate prisoners of this place? At this point, beyond being torn down in mind and body, it's hard to say. Every single one of them does have the right to call the X-men out on their failure, though. They all would be very justified in their anger at being left behind, both after Krakoa fell and here at this prison. In Omega Red’s case, I could very easily see this whole experience souring him on the X-men again and making him very unwilling to trust them again. Because even after everything that these former villains have been trying to do, there's still some part of the X-men that seem to view these unfortunate souls as monsters that deserve to be treated like animals. That they deserve to get beaten, fed rotten food and forced to sleep in wretched cells.
The X-men have failed in their role to protect mutants. They have failed to stand for what is right and failed to help their fellow mutants from being condemned to one of the worst fates a mutant can face: to be weaponized and used like a tool to attack other mutants. The Raid on Greymalkin story arc is a blight on X-men comics and is an example of what not to do when doing a story like this. Characters and their histories cannot be ignored. Petty fights over arbitrary issues should not be taking place when there are SO many higher priorities that need to be taken care of. This story was nothing but disappointing and sours me on the direction Marvel is taking the X-men. There is nothing to look forward to. Like the mutant prisoners who were left behind to be further tortured and devalued, we the readers have been left to a similar fate, wondering when in the world we will finally be freed from this prison that Marvel's writers are putting us in and what we -- and the characters we love -- will even come out on the other side looking like.
#omega red#arkady rossovich#marvel comics#x men comics#xspoilers#uncanny xmen#notmyxmen#blob#theresa cassidy#raid on graymalkin#comic review#the xmen should really be doing better than this#i am immensely disappointed in them and with marvel for this storyline
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This is too good… I must add because what if…
During one of their meetups
Tim, sleep deprived and desperate for coffee, “Robu…. I need you.” He slumped onto Danny’s couch
Now normally, Danny wouldn’t prefer to be referred to as a coffee brand all the time but… this was Tim. And it was Tim’s favorite coffee… so in a way… it was like he was Tim’s favorite coffee? It was hard to explain but Danny knew that he liked it a lot. More than he probably should have.
He placed the cup of coffee into his fake boyfriend’s hands. His very big hands. Course from working so hard being all heroic in the field of duty. Calloused and bruised, no doubt broken and reset dozens of times. The hands of a vigilante who was fully and utterly alive.
Danny was never jealous of Tim for that. Infact… he was very happy for Tim that he was so alive. Heartbeats are a good thing of course. And his was very nice. Steady and always going 100 miles a minute from the amount of caffeine he consumed. He supposed he should stop providing said caffeine but he spent his whole life being selfless. He was going to let himself be selfish this one time. He didn’t want to stop seeing his fake boyfriend.
“How long has it been this time?” Danny asked, trying not to sound too suspicious, “Since you’ve slept?”
He watched as the adorable mess of a man slumped over his couch sighed, “Um- 6- no- 8? Um- 74 hours or so?”
Well it wasn’t as bad as sometimes at least. He knew that it was bad for him to be awake so long. Sometimes on their “fake dates” Danny suggested movie nights just so he would take a nap. He wanted Tim’s heart to keep beating so he could keep listening to the sound.
Danny nodded, “Busy man you are.” He made sure his body blocked the coffee table from Tim’s view. He hadn’t properly put his mail out of sight before his vigilante had come to see him and he knew that Tim was nothing if not a detective.
Tim noticed the awkwardness coming from him immediatly, “Hey why are you hiding your mail from me?”
Dammit Tim why do you have to be so smart and perfect all the fucking time-
Danny laughed nervously, “I’m not- doing that…”
Tim sat up and gently adjusted Danny out of the way to look at the papers, grabbing him by the waist to do so.
Danny swooned only a little when he felt those big hands on his hips. Momentarily, he very much forgot why he was hiding his mail from Tim. But not long enough for the distraction to stop him from trying to grab the papers before Tim could reach them.
He failed.
Tim looked at the eviction notice in his hand, “Danny you never told me- I could have given you more money?!” He looked bewildered and confused. And more than that. Danny could tell there was a bit of fear in his eyes. He understood. He felt it too.
“Money isn’t the problem Tim, you give me more than enough,” Danny said fidgeting with the tracker fashionably dangling from his ear, “Everyone in the building got one. Ms. Abernathy sold it under the table to some shady company.”
Tim looked outright pissed, “What company is it?”
“I don’t remember but I remember hearing the name of it and thinking it sounded fake as hell. Probably why we are all getting kicked out instead of our leases transferring to the new owner. Ms. Abernathy doesn’t want her tenants in a bad situation,” Danny explained. He may not have been a vigilante anymore but hey, he still knew shady shit when he saw it.
Then a ding from Tim’s Nightwing tracker. And then immediately after, he feels another presence outside the window. The other birds were spying again.
“Move in with me,” Tim blurted out.
Danny… well Danny…. Danny fucking short circuited.
“Wha-?” was all he could get out. Normally he was better at improvising but ancients be damned, the cutest man ever just asked him to move in with him.
“Look I know I said we should wait since I didn’t want you in harms way if any rogues found my apartment but…” Tim wrapped his arms around Danny’s waist AGAIN, “I trust you to be able to defend yourself (after Danny broke into the Batcave as Phantom, Danny told him everything because why wouldn’t he) and honestly… I’de love having you around more often Robu.”
Danny’s breath caught as he felt those callouses on his hips again. He watched Tim stand to look him eye to eye and felt his entire core purr as one of those calloused hands moved to his cheek. Tim was really playing it up.
Danny could play it up too, “Aw is the tracker not enough anymore Timothy?” He wrapped his arms around Tim’s neck, bringing his face closer, “Of course I’ll move in with you. But don’t think I’ll be taking it off.” (Danny was referring to the tracker)
Tim smiled, “Don’t you dare.”
Then they kissed. Like on the lips. Cuz they were acting. Yeah, that. It didn’t stop Danny from adoring how Tim tasted of coffee though.
The next minute they were packing a few bags of Danny’s things and heading off to the new apartment.
While his core buzzed excitedly about the future of much more close proximity, Danny’s mind couldn’t help but wander off a little. They had gone this far. And Tim had a nickname for him. Maybe he should come up with one for Tim? He called him Tim or Timothy mostly, sometimes throwing other names in there to see if they stuck but nothing ever did. He called him Birdie once and the man gave him the biggest glare he had ever seen. It was attractive but not the response he was hoping for.
Danny knew a lot about death. Obviously. He also knew the irony of Tim’s vigilante persona Red Robin. The most alive man he had ever met used the name of a bird of death. Most people only know about the associations from cardinals, many stating that the dead send the bird to their loved ones as reminders of them.
What not as many people knew was that this was also extended to red robins. Red robins also had a double meaning when it came to the dead as they represented rebirth and starting anew. The same meaning as an upright death card in the tarot deck.
If anything… of the two of them Danny was the red robin. Tim was more of a…. swan. Yeah a swan. Loyalty, fidelity, and grace. Swans also mate for life but Danny wasn’t going to think about that. He knew Tim probably didn’t do that kind of thing like ghosts did. But it was a nice thought that he wasn’t going think about at all.
He set down the box with his clothes in it. He didn’t have very many. Most of the clothes he had were from before he moved here and most of that was destroyed in Amity Park when his parents found out what he was. It was… a lot of fire.
The rest of the clothes he had… well he kinda slowly stole them from Tim whenever he finally decided to shower and crash out whenever he stayed the night.
It wasn’t weird. He trusted Danny to wake him up before he had to leave for work. It wasn’t weird at all. Infact… Danny’s core quite liked it whenever he would stay.
“Well that’s all of my stuff,” he said.
Tim nodded, looking at all 4 boxes and 1 backpack, “Well it’s a good thing you pack so light. Too bad that couch wasn’t yours. It was comfy as fuck.”
Danny chuckled, “The bed wasn’t mine either.”
At that Tim laughed as well, “I know Robu. It was far too comfortable for you to afford.”
Danny scoffed, though the thoughts of his hometown that were brought up by how little stuff he had didn’t leave completely, “Wow thanks.”
Tim’s posture straitened. Dammit. Tim always fucking knew.
“What are you thinking about,” he asked, getting close. He always did that. Got close. He knew Danny sought comfort in physical contact. He could hear a difference in Tim’s heartbeat from the genuine concern.
Danny looked up at him, “Amity… my parents…”
Tim nodded, “Do you want to talk about it or a distraction?”
Ancients, this man was so fucking perfect.
“Distraction please,” Danny sighed, letting his head fall against Tim’s chest. He wanted to listen to his heartbeat. It was nice. And Tim held him for a while just like that. Talking about how he was going to buy a brand new bed for Danny and that after that, he was going to make 3 new tracker earrings all in different colors so that he could always have one on him no matter the outfit (As if Danny didn’t wear the silver one he already had everywhere).
One day… one day maybe it could be real. But until then… having Tim like this was going to have to be enough. It was better than having never met him at all. He couldn’t let go of his swan.
Extra:
*a few days into them living together*
Danny on the phone: So yeah I’m living with Tim now.
Jazz on the other line: So he’s your boyfriend? You could have just said that Danny.
Danny blushing furiously: N-no!
Jazz: Danny… from what you’ve told me, you live together, you eat together, you do laundry together, he knows your past, you know his…. you sleep in the same bed!
Danny: I- well- the new one hasn’t come in yet and before that it was only sometimes!
Jazz: Uhuh. And denial is a river in Egypt.
Danny: Jazz….
Jazz: Daniel the man has a tracker in your ear! So, what did you decide to call him?
Danny: *blushing profusely* I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Jazz: You can’t hide from me. I know your brain Daniel Fenton! He has a nickname for you so obviously you came up with one for him.
Danny: Fine… he’s… my Swan.
Jazz: ….. (processing) …. (Google searching the meaning)…. (Reading) …. Danny you are so insufferably corny. I hope you know that.
Danny smiling: He reminds me all the time.
Jazz smiling wider: Uhuh.
Danny, working as a cashier: Can I help you?
Tim half-deranged: Please I just want a cup of coffee
Danny squinted, then pulled out a binder: I'm sorry, sir, but you are on the Don't Serve Coffee list. I can offer you some tea instead-
Tim: NO. THIS IS THE FIFTH PLACE. BRUCE CAN'T OWN YOU ALL!
Danny leaning in to whisper: Look, man, I can't give you coffee under the cameras. Meet me in the back alley in twenty minutes and I'll get you a coffee. Bring Cash.
Tim: how much? Five hundred, six hundred or hell even a thousand? I'll bring whatever you want.
Danny: Chill dude, it's a cup of coffee. Three dollars is fine.
Tim: It's not just any coffee! It's my favorite brand and Bruce bought them out just to make sure they wouldn't sell to me anymore!
Danny: okay okay, this coffee means a lot to you. I get it. Twenty minutes alright?
Jason three weeks later in Bat cave: Tim's on drugs! I've caught him trading cash for small containers in a shady alley six times. We need an intervention.
Dick: What?! I thought that was his boyfriend!
Bruce: I also thought that was Tim boyfriend but if it's a drug dealer we have to help him.
Tim hiding in the shadows: shit.
Tim texting Danny: If anyone asks your my secret boyfriend who been making me teas in allies
Danny: who the hell would believe that? But I've had a boring week, so yeah, I'm down to be a pretend boyfriend.
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Can you please do headcanons where you work at a restaurant as a server/bartender and Art is your S/O and he comes in? OMG PLEAAASE this would make my heart so happy 🥺
It took me a while but these headcanons are finally complete, thank you for your patience! At first it started out as a more traditional headcanons list but as I was writing it, it kind of turned into a fic but I liked the headcanons format so I just stuck with it lol 😅 I hope you enjoy 😊🥰💕
Word count: around 1.5k✍️
No warnings for this one btw, this is all just sweet fluff 😇💜
(Also credit to @hauntedfoodie as well for coming up with the cocktail recipe! 😄🫶)
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-Working as a bartender and server was an extremely tiring job, ESPECIALLY when you had to work around the holidays
-It seems like the restaurant would go into holiday mode earlier and earlier every year, your manager already having made your coworkers put up multicolored string lights and an assortment of glittery holiday decorations all over the walls and in the windows ✨🎄🎁
-You would be lying if you said that the decor didn’t brighten up the place and make it ever so slightly easier to bare, but it was definitely still a draining job as it would usually be so much busier around this time of year
-You were working on one of the rare slightly-more-manageable nights when suddenly, you noticed your boyfriend Art strolling up to your bar casually, wearing his Santa suit so he could better blend in ✨
-Usually, even though you loved to see him, you preferred that he stayed home or just didn't come in to your workplace to visit you, not wanting to draw too much attention to your boyfriend as to not make anyone suspicious of a clown constantly showing up on the premises, but you suppose the Santa suit helped a bit. You watched as he comically shimmied into his seat, the harsh clang of his heavy trash bag still able to be heard amongst all the commotion of the restaurant; it didn't take long for the few people sitting on either side of him to get up and walk away without another glance back 🤡🎅
-Trying not to make it obvious that you had any relation to him, you walked over to the clown like you would any other customer; Art’s eyes lit up instantly, his slender fingers giddily waving at you and blowing you a heavily exaggerated kiss as he noticed your presence 😙
-You leaned over slightly and whispered “What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be laying low for now”, concerned that his behavior seemed to be getting bolder and bolder as the days progressed closer to Christmas; you had come to terms with having to accept Art's lifestyle, but you were just worried about him getting in trouble or hurt- he's reassured you many times that everything's under control and that he'd be fine, but you still worried about him occasionally 🥺😓
-Art shrugged his shoulders playfully in response, pointing at himself and then back at you followed by a heart shape with his hands as he smiled at you innocently :3 🫶😃😋
-You sighed and shook your head. “Well, if you're gonna stay here for a bit, you're gonna at least need to have a drink so my managers don't get suspicious and kick you out for loitering on the property"
-Art pouted and folded his arms, the thick fabric of the Santa suit bunching up around his thinner frame, his tongue sticking out in disgust 😒
-You rolled your eyes. "I know you think alcohol is gross, babes, but I think I might know something I could make for you that you might actually like.” Art gave you a look as if to say “I don't believe you in the slightest- but good luck” and moved to rest his arms along the dark wooden bar, his focus shifting to absentmindedly running his fingertips back and force over its smooth surface
-You leaned over and grabbed a clean glass. “Alright, just give me a few minutes, I've got a couple of drink orders I need to fill first and then I'll bring you yours.” Art huffed silently, forever the impatient baby, but ultimately nodded in understanding 💖
-You turned and wandered back to the other side of the bar, grabbing a few extra glasses and placing them under the taps for the other patrons. Once their orders were fulfilled, then you got started on Art’s special cocktail 🥂
-You decided to go for something festive and classic, something very fruity and sweet that you knew would mesh with the clown’s tastebuds in a more pleasing manner than the hard liquor he had been offered in the past
-You decided to craft Art a cocktail made with moscato wine, white cranberry juice, lemon lime soda, and a smattering of whole cranberries on the top; perfect for the holiday season, and perfect for your clown boyfriend who loved his sweets 🥰🍹
-Strolling back over to his seat, you found Art reaching over the bar, trying to grab a handful of the little sharp wooden skewers you would use for fruit in certain drinks- when he noticed you a few steps away, Art quickly pulled his hand back into his lap and tried to feign innocence once more, pretending to whistle and look back and forth ⚔️🙄🤗😁
-You shook your head and smiled at him, placing a napkin down in front of him with his drink on top
-Art’s eyes went wide with curiosity at the sight of the bright cranberries floating atop the bubbly liquid, his eyes soon meeting yours again as he cocked his head slightly in heightened interest 😲😍
-”Trust me, you'll love it. I made sure it was extra sweet for my sweet-loving clown” you told him with a grin as you leaned against the counter, saying the last part in a hushed tone so only he could hear 😌💖🍬🍭
-Art tapped his finger against his temple and pointed back at you with it to signify he understood, his grin blossoming wider across his features bashfully at your words before glancing back down at the drink and wringing his hands together in excitement
-Before you could wait to see if he liked it, another patron across the bar waved you down. “I'll be back soon, I hope you enjoy it!” you told him, heading back to attend to your other customers
-You couldn’t help but watch out of the corner of your eye as you worked from across the bar as Art lifted the glass to his mouth and took a big sip, chugging the entire thing down in one go (he always drank way too quickly, you made a mental note to remind him to savor his drinks in the future lol)🍾😂
-The glass made contact with the bar, clinking pleasantly as it did so, Art’s eyes meeting yours again as he motioned for you to return to him when you could get the chance
-”Sooo, how was it? Have I finally found an alcoholic drink that you can actually enjoy?”, you asked him. Art’s smile grew as he nodded in rapid succession, patting his tummy to indicate that he thought it was delicious 🤤😋
-Your smile mirrored his as you leaned over to grab his empty glass, giving the counter a quick wipe to get rid of any condensation left behind with the cleaning rag in your other hand. “Good, I'm glad you liked it! I had a sneaking suspicion that you'd prefer something much sweeter.”
-Art nodded again and motioned with one finger up for you to wait a minute as he leaned over, grabbing his red spray painted garbage bag and rummaging through it 🎒
-Resting your elbows on the bar, you realized that Art was trying to give you money for the drink; an array of dirtied coins was plopped onto the bar top as he began counting out the loose change piece by piece (most of it consisting of primarily pennies) 🪙💰
-”Baby, don't worry about that, it's on the house. It was a practice drink for me anyway, and I don't mind buying a drink for good ole Saint Nick- especially for a super cute one at that.” You winked at him with a smirk as you placed more glasses under the taps, beginning to fill them up with various golden hued lagers for the other patrons' seemingly never ending slurry of orders 🍺🍻
-Art’s mouth opened in surprised shock before grinning again, waving the compliment off cheekily and kicking his feet a bit. With one swipe, he pushed all of the loose change back into the bag, the tiny circles of metal clanging around as they fell in amongst the array of other interesting items that he carried around with him 🤭
-The clown motioned to his wrist as if he was wearing a watch, silently asking you how much longer you had to be here for until your shift was over. “I’ve got about 2 more hours, love. And then I'll meet you back at home and we can cuddle and watch some movies, sound good?” ⏱️⌚️⏳
-Art smirked and nodded, satisfied as he stood up from the bar stool and stretched dramatically 🙆
-He grabbed his trash bag and ceremoniously slung it over his shoulder, blowing a kiss to you slyly before turning to leave the restaurant 😘💋
-You pretended to wipe down the bar as you watched him walk away, the bright red backside of his jolly disguise slowly becoming smaller in view before disappearing completely into the holiday hustle and bustle 🎁🎄🎅✨
Extra post bar scenario:
-When you arrived back home later that evening, you were surprised to find about 30 bottles of moscato and a huge pile of bagged cranberries that had definitely seen better days all lined up on your kitchen counter; you found Art sitting cross-legged on the couch in the living room, still wearing his Santa outfit and pretending to intently read a book, miming laughter at certain parts as his finger skimmed across the page he had randomly opened on 📚
-You confronted the clown about the bottles of wine, to which he simply put his hands up and shrugged his shoulders, the start of a signature smirk playfully skirting on the corners of his black painted mouth 😏😁😋💖
#I really hope you enjoy these! Sorry it took me so long to get these done lol ily! 💖💖🥰🫶💕#a little late for the holidays/new years but that's ok lol art is cute anytime of the year🤭😋🥰#art the clown#terrifier#david howard thornton#terrifier 3#art the clown x reader#art the clown headcanons#slashers x reader#art the clown x you#slashers x you#art the clown fanfic#Art the clown fanfiction
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synposis: you have wanting to tell him your secret for a long time, but still deciding to do it or not—
su x gn!reader . wc: 1.9k words
.☆ content warnings/notes: herrscher!reader, slight angst?? (if u squint), basically mentions of ppl making rumors about you, mizu5 and ena2 inspired fic (from prsk), expect some grammar mistakes here. —first part focuses on reader mostly while second part focuses on both reader and su.
.☆ a/n’s: Hello!! This is my first time publishing a full fanfiction. Of course, as I mentioned earlier, expect this fic to have some mistakes and a little confusing so please bear w/ me and understand. 🙏🏼
taglists: @rukianaa
You kept running.
Running, running, running away—
From among those few who already knew about your 'secret'. The secret about you being a herrscher to everyone.
You would never want to spill it, would you? Herrschers are evil, dangerous, killing machines that are destined to destroy humanity. Yet, what about your destiny? What kind of path will you take?
…Yet however, there is someone you think would accept you just as you are. Your relationship with him may not remain the same even if you try.
He was your light during the darkness, your savior,
—and especially, your most dearest.
Su.
But, will he actually love you?
…
Sitting on the bed with your legs crossed, you sigh softly in your room while gazing at the chilly ceiling and chatting to yourself. You thought of your "secret" while tapping your fingers softly on the mattress.
“I want to move on forward…” Those thoughts whisper down to your body with a sharp sense, biting you off with the feeling of wanting to tell others you are hiding. However, you decide to keep it a secret for the remaining years that you serve as a MOTH soldier.
"…I got to this point because I've been running the entire time and running like that…." It is true that you have continued to flee with the secret far away, from one place to another, long enough to avoid what is coming. Being a MOTH soldier and Herrscher at this point is hard for you due to how you were born.
—Nevertheless, he is there. Your dear friend Su, who would you always entrust with your feelings and everything no matter what.
“I will keep waiting for you if thats what you want.”
You just had that flashback in your head, remembering how Su once told you he'd wait until you were able to fully express yourself.
“Even if I rely on Su’s words a long time ago…”
“Yet…”
In your quiet room, you held your breath and then courageously released it.
“I want to talk about it.”
You placed your hands on your chest, holding to yourself tightly as if you never wanted to let go of anyone’s kind heart.
“If I’m going to talk about it… I have to tell Su first. Since he has been waiting for me this whole time…”
Starting now, you decided to plan whether to meet Su somewhere in a place you have both been before, even though you are still unsure whether to do it or not. Now, those sharp feelings returned to you, but this time, it seemed as though everything between you and Su will soon be surrounded by emptiness and darkness.
Like a faint ominous bell ringing in anticipation of the end of the world, it pierces your eyes as you come to a realization.
—Shoot.. You shouldn't think of that. Everything will go smoothly, right?
“A herrscher? Are you kidding me?”
A voice in the crowd, perhaps spreading rumors about you, and one of them being true, gave you a flashback that made your chest ache. You bit your lip, slightly clenching your fists, and attempted to calm down slowly, but the coldness in the room prevented it, leaving you struggling.
“…..I don't want to run away..” This time, your voice sounded shaky, like shattered glass that will never be able to be put back together. Then, you bravely grab your phone on the other side as the screen brightens up in your presence. Slowly, you typed out a message to Su in his contact. However— your fingers are also trembling from finding proper words, stumbling deeper and deeper to try to talk with him about your secret.
"My hands are shaking… I can't type well…" As you approach the end of composing your message, your fingers still tremble. While trying to find a way to calm down, the option you could take is to think about Su, your dearest friend, and how he once vowed to always be there whenever you have troubles ahead.
“…Calm down. Because if I take it slow, it will be okay—”
You finally completed the words that you typed on that screen.
“…Alright. All that is left… is to simply send it… Then maybe—”
“Eh…? Ah, that’s true. They may be a Herrscher.”
You are struck by another flashback, this time with a voice from an old acquaintance. Were they talking badly about you or only making up rumors?
“They are hard to deal with.”
“That’s how an ordinary herrscher talks, right?”
Again,
“Don’t they just want to stand out with humanity?”
And again.
Your mind is filled with increasingly familiar voices, as though they are repeating the same things over and over again. Were you genuinely human, or were you a herrscher set on destroying humanity?
The more you remember, the more it starts to hurt your head.
“It might be a misunderstanding, right?”
"Well, that sounds awful, doesn't it?"
“They’ll eventually betray our backs one day! Do you not ever even notice?!”
You tremble uneasily once again as more voices start to observe you from a distance.
"Everyone won't do something like reject me, will they? Su can easily ease someone's suffering if I believe…“
You clenched your left arm, suppressing the agony that has plagued you for years. Su is probably the last thing on your mind.
“I’ll keep waiting forever.” He spoke those words, which were as warm, consoling, and reassuring as a ray of sunshine. You came from the dark, and he was your light. Will he accept you for who you are, even though you intended to give him a sincere thank you?
He is kind, and so are the others. His warm smile fleeting in the bright sky onto yours, illuminating the shadows that kept you between.
How lovely Su was.
You have been close friends with Su as long as you can remember. In high school, he bumped into you and the two of you ended up exchanging texts.
His friendship would remain the same to you even after the incident— where he was trying to find you from the rubble and dirt that built up from destruction. Su would successfully find you when time passed, and he promised to protect you as always.
Su was calm and polite to you, and he was willing to understand your feelings, troubles, and secrets. He accepts and supports you in what you want to do and what you want to be.
He is kind, right? Will he be willing to accept your secret about you being a Herrscher?
For now, you'd like to think about that, but you're unsure because you are the honkai - and Su is a fighter. If you betray him now, would he hate you for what have you done? No. He won’t, right?
…
You spaced out on your work just as you were about to submit a file on Su’s documents. In that sight, you were only thinking about him, his lovely smile, and everything else about Su until it shifted towards your secret. Your eyes looked like they were about to empty and lose their shine too, as you only stared into the blinding light illuminated by the lamp.
“Su…”
“Yes, [Name]?”
You shifted back quickly to reality when Su called you behind, placing his warm hand on your shoulder.
“Are you alright? You seem to be spacing out for a long time.” His face was a touch of concern even from the doctor himself. You try to find the words in your mind— until you decide to tell him that you are doing “alright”.
“Ah— I am okay, Su. I was thinking of something..”
That was a lie, and he believed it easily.
“I see… If you need help with any of your feelings— you can ask me.” Su smiled gently at you as if he drowned fully in your lies and mask. You smiled at him back too, however guilty also for the words you have said. You want to tell him more of your feelings, especially the deep ones, nevertheless, you do not want to pressure yourself fully.
“And about the file on the cure—”
“I’ll submit it tomorrow early morning. That’s all.”
You quickly assured him with almost raising your tone, which almost startled Su in his mind.
Shit.
“…Ah, alright then [Name]. See you tomorrow then, and goodnight to you.” His calm demeanor returned as his gaze softened to you, as if he was falling for your lies.
He waved his hand and left your office in the sound of the night.
You lied and lied again.
“…Hah. How can he easily follow with my words?” Your tone went blunt and straightforward. You cannot believe how pathetic he is to listen to you, always lending out a hand, and eventually comforting you. He was a warm heart indeed, like a bathing sunshine flowing in the wind, that is what you see in him.
He was your friend and always been.
Will you eventually deceive him with your secret one day?
…
Su sighed in his place, continuing the write one of his documents about researching a cure for the honkai— and for his patients as well.
In reality, he was thinking of you, especially on your tone since earlier.
“[Name]… Are they alright?” He spoke in the silence of his own office, slightly fidgeting the pen and staring at the paper. Sighing, he rested his hand on his cheek.
“I’m hoping that they feel well at least, I don't want to pressure them further…” Su’s voice full of concern wanted to think about you more; those positive moments that contained your genuine smile and unique personality. He loved you no matter what type of person you were, and would always continue to do those.
Even in the current time when honkai is invading, he promised to always be there for you as always.
…
You lie softly down in bed getting ready to sleep despite the time being 1:00 AM. —All of that hard work has been paid off, right?
You sighed staring at the empty-looking ceiling leaving your eyes to wander where you are and what you are doing.
“…Ah, alright then [Name]. See you tomorrow then,”
That flashback replayed in your head just now, almost letting out a gasp. You acknowledge that you did lie to him and he seems to simply accept it. Even if you are a dear friend of Su, you should not make a lie to him as he sometimes can perceive it in a way.
From your perspective, it seems you've been wanting to tell Su about your secret for as long as you can remember. For everyone, you also wished to reveal it too.
Unfortunately, if people found out, they would hate you and throw you out to death instead, especially in an organization called MOTH. Back then, you covered your identity as a herrscher and joined to find a purpose in your life.
—In that life, you were only a little person who yearned to find more of yourself, only to realize that you shouldn't belong here in this world.
Yet, one of your loved ones loved and accepted you for what you are. You were harmless, kind— and happy.
However, where did all of the happiness go?
You sighed once again, pulling the soft blankets in your bed and covering up the coldness. You clicked off the switch on the lamp shifting to complete darkness. To get rid of the negative thoughts in your head, you slowly close your eyes.
You thought about Su instead, his lovely smile.
Your lovely friend, and your savior.
—And eventually, you’ll go lower with him to discover your secret soon. Maybe in your imagination, he could accept you and keep it a secret ‘no one knows.’
thanks for reading! there will be a part 2 of this
©ruubyys.1 2024. all rights reserved. do not steal, repost, modify, or plagiarize any of my works without permission.
#.☆ writings#su x reader#su honkai x reader#su honkai#su hi3#honkai impact 3rd x reader#hi3 x reader#hi3rd x reader#Honkai impact x reader#x reader#hsr x reader#Honkai star rail x reader#<— (i want to jumpscare random ppl who do not know about su/honkai men by adding this🙏🏼🙏🏼#:3
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My Hero: Arcane Fanfic
(Rough attempt at a scene I like to imagine went down in 2x05 behind the scenes)
The dim light shifted lazily with the creaking and groaning of the squalid little apartment. Jinx moved softly, not daring to risk waking Vi in this state. She had been coming to the pits for weeks since she found her… trying to work up the nerve, trying to figure out how to approach her. But she was afraid. Their last meeting hadn’t exactly gone well.
At first, she had been able to pretend there was some sick amusement to be found. Cast out by her trigger-happy Piltie girlfriend, left all alone after putting on the uniform, Violet was back where she belonged. In the muck with her people, covered in blood and sweat… but it wasn’t that simple. Jinx knew that after only the first fight.
She’s giving up…
She had watched Vi decline over the last few weeks, getting slower, not protecting herself. She went down. Hard. Almost every night. She was only making enough to fund her next drink and barely eating. She was killing herself… and all the Zaunites around her didn’t lift a fucking finger to help. Jinx had been planning on revealing herself the next time she came down anyway… and now Vander…
We have a chance… maybe we can… we can fix this…
So it was that she found herself holding her breath… until she had crept close enough to see Vi fully. Her stomach dropped, and she forced a hand into her mouth, biting down to keep from crying so hard that she drew blood.
Vi looked like a corpse. She was pale and drawn, still muscular but… not healthy. Her hair was crusted with thick black grease paint and what Jinx could only assume was dried blood. Her face, disturbed even in sleep, was a mess of white and black grease paint and bruising. She wore only black leather pants that were fraying and dirty white wraps around her chest.
“I’m sorry, Vi… I should have come for you sooner,” Jinx whispered, wiping tears away.
She looked around at the trash and empty bottles of booze and shook her head, kneeling down. She took a deep breath and started to move to gently touch Vi but stopped. This was the first time she’d really been this close to Vi without a fight or something else happening… the first time in years. She looked down at her older sister’s body clothed only in the wraps and leathers and had to choke down a sob of horror.
Vi’s body was covered in scars. She had taken plenty of licks as a kid, sure, but… her flesh was a tapestry of abuse and pain. Years of torment played out over every inch of her worn but still muscular frame. Far beyond the wear and tear of Vi’s childhood or even the meat grinder of the Undercity fighting pits. Vi had been tortured.
Jinx scrambled back quietly into a corner of the room, hugging her knees to her chest and biting down hard on a strip of leather from her cloak to keep from sobbing out loud. She shuddered, trying not to wake Violet, as she heard her voice from that day they first saw each other again:
“I tried to come back, I promise I did, but… I got arrested.”
Vi’s voice echoed in her mind.
Seven years… seven years in that goddamn place. Jinx gritted her teeth and tried not to scream. She thought back to Vi begging her to come with her, to just pick up and go. Telling her she loved her and how sorry she was. Sorry for what?! Getting kidnapped and thrown in a place where they did that?!
Jinx curled up tight and bit down on the leather so hard she was afraid her teeth would shatter. She remembered Vi’s hand on her cheek when they were little. Telling her how strong she was, how she couldn’t lose her…
Finally, she was able to stand slowly, wiping her eyes. She walked forward carefully, making sure not to step on anything that would wake Vi before she was ready. She looked to the dingy little cracked mirror on the wall and saw a black stick of grease paint, smiling sadly as she picked it up and whispered:
“Well… if you choke me out when I wake you, at least I get to go out looking like my hero,” she whispered, leaning down and gently blowing across Vi’s hair before going to the mirror and marking her name on her cheek.
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The new Mrs. Winchester (19)
Word count: 4.5K
Pairing: Sam X Reader AU
Chapter warnings: Implications of sexual abuse, mentions of torture, PTSD, angst, flesh trade, language, mention of violence; reader discretion is strongly advised.
Series Summary: After spending over two years in captivity, and enduring assault, torture, and degradation of every kind, Y/N is finally sold off to the highest bidder. But when the deal is masked as a hushed marriage to a wealthy and powerful man, Y/N knows it means a few more nights of brutal torment ending in certain death. After all, why else would a man like him, want someone like her, except to fulfill desires so depraved that they would require owning a person. However, the Winchester mansion has mysteries of its own, woven in lies, betrayal, and death. Smack in the middle of it, she finds both hope and a home, in the person she least expected to find it with. But when it comes down to it, will she be able to save the thing that matters the most?
A/N: A huge shoutout to all my wonderful readers! Your support and love keeps me going! <3
Beta: My darling, @deanssweetheart23
“You can’t kick 'em in the nuts and make a run for it?” The girl in the next cell asked.
“Not if you want to avoid getting beaten into a pulp,” you told her through a mouthful of bread and tomato. “There’s always a guard outside the door.”
“Kick 'em in the nuts, too.”
You snorted so hard, bits of tomato landed on the floor.
“So, let me get this straight,” she said. “There are fancy rooms upstairs with wardrobes full of fancy clothes that you have to wear and then they take you to other fancy places for men–”
“Sometimes it’s just the fancy rooms overhead. Men come here, too.”
“But they take you out, don’t they?” She argued. “Just go to a reception and tell the hostess, a waitress, anyone. I know you managed to run away once… so why not try again? If they let you out, it can’t be that hard!”
You swallowed the bite in your mouth and sighed. What did it matter if you told her the truth? Neither of you would make it out anyway.
“They’ve kidnapped my half-brother and half-sister. Little kids, barely six… have them at gunpoint somewhere. I make one wrong move and they are dead.”
“Shit.”
You could picture her dumbstruck expression. After spending a week next to her, seeing her face while going in and out, you were starting to get a hang of her. You still didn’t know why you did it, take her turn every night. Eventually, they would drag her out, but for a week, the boss wasn’t in the building and no one seemed to push the inevitable and drag that girl’s stubborn ass out.
And boy was she stubborn. She bit and clawed like a wild cat at the guards who tried to drag her. She got plenty beat up in the process, but everyone seemed to wait for the boss to get her in line when he came.
“Don’t you worry,” she said. “My fiance is going to get us out.”
“Fiance?”
“Yeah. I bet he’s worried out of his mind right now. But there’s police. They’ll find us.”
“The police are in on this,” you said. “They get serviced for their quiet.”
She spat, then screamed in frustration.
Footsteps echoed off the walls, and blood froze in your veins. You recognised the hard tap and unforgiving rhythm of his steps. The boss.
“Go to your bed and pretend to sleep,” you hissed, discarding the sandwich in your hand and doing the same.
“W-what?”
“Just do it.”
Covering yourself entirely with the blanket, you rolled into a ball, as if that would make you invisible, teleport you out of the horror story you were about witness. Since staring at the glass wall in his cabin for the first time, you had prayed for yourself. The pastor in the church your aunt dragged you to every Sunday preached that one should only pray for the world and not for oneself… because praying for oneself was selfish. If you prayed only for the world, that made you a good person, and God helped good people without having to ask for it.
You had never been particularly religious, but that one thing had stuck around. Subconsciously, all your life, you had never asked for yourself, not from God, the universe or even as a favour from people. If you wanted something, you had worked hard to earn it, and achieve it by sheer will and not divine intervention.
But that first night with the boss had made you pray for yourself over and over.
And you prayed now, in whispers that only remained in your breath, never making a sound.
God, let him forget that I exist… Not tonight. Please please please.
The footsteps came to a halt, and the door next to yours opened.
You closed your eyes tighter. Oh, that poor girl. He had come for her at last.
“I hear you’ve been difficult.”
A spit.
“Michael,” he said in his cold, raspy voice. “Hand me my cane, now.”
“Yes, Boss,” said Michael, gleefully.
A slash in the air and a piercing scream sliced the air.
You shut your ears tightly as the scuffling began… but then it ended as suddenly as it had started when a loud, sickening crunch which sounded so close to the shared wall that you were certain it had happened against it.
A minute passed.
“Oh, what a terrible waste,” the boss sighed at last, almost delicately. “Remove it.”
The taps receded and then soon they carried her body by your cell, blood trailing behind her.
You sat up bolt in your bed, unable to keep the bile down as you emptied your stomach on the carpet next to the bed. Sam’s side of the carpet.
You plopped back on the bed, breathing heavily.
“Just a dream,” you told yourself. “Just a dream.” Then, the reality came crashing down on you and you wanted to throw up all over again.
Abby’s quiet knock from the main door wrenched you out of bed and through the seating area. She didn’t have to see the vomit. Her face was pinched when you opened the door for her. She entered trepidly and placed the breakfast tray on the table.
“Who’s in the house?” You asked
“Just us,” she said. “Mr Dean Winchester left last night itself.”
“And S-Sam? He’s out for his run?”
“Mr Winchester left for work.”
“It’s only 7.”
She gave you an apprehensive look, as if she wanted to say something but was scared of how you would perceive it.
“What is it, Abby?”
“Miss, he’s in a right state, that man. Before you came, he used to be so dry and detached… but this past month, since you first locked yourself in your room, he’s gone from pillar to post for you. Sleep, food, everything be damned. The only thing he has done is worry.” Her hand fluttered nervously to her side. “He stumbled down the steps this morning from exhaustion and still went for his run anyway. I think he needs to see a doctor.”
Abby didn’t know what had conspired last night.
“I don’t know the deal with his brother being back now,” she said, wrangling the corner of her apron. “But everyone knows they don’t get along. It can’t be good for him.”
Sam had looked exhausted last evening. The dark circles under his eyes, the once-fitted shirt that hung loose on his shoulders, and the ever-present frown on his forehead had become more and more etched now.
“Abby, tell me when Sam is back, will you?”
You sent her away and cleaned up your mess in the bedroom. A hot shower further cleared your head. Taking stock of your time in the Winchester Mansion made you recount the number of times you had run out on Sam, locked yourself in the room, the number of secrets you had kept. So, he’d had his own secrets. You knew that.
Then there was the fact that Sam had never explicitly said he hated his brother. In fact, he’d never spoken of him without pain mingled with love. His exact words- “We had a fight and I couldn’t see his face after that.” Couldn’t…. Not ‘Didn’t want.’ Nowhere had his words implied that Sam’s consent was considered.
The day appeared stormy, with an overcast sky. Maybe the light of the lantern would carry, perhaps it wouldn’t. You set it on the sill anyway.
Dean found you at the pier an hour later, when you had nearly given up hope. He stood at his usual spot but did not sit beside you and you noticed he was dressed differently; no jacket today, just a black T-shirt and jeans.
Slowly, you tilted your face upwards to meet his sharp green eyes. How often had you wondered what Dean Winchester would be like? Bitter? Angry? But Han wasn’t any of those things.
“Get up!” He ordered, without an ounce of remorse. You got to your feet.
“This way,” he pointed and began to walk towards the jungle without a preamble.
A frisson of annoyance ran through you. Where was his abashedness?
“Sam didn’t know,” he said briskly. “That you knew me. That we knew each other. That poor bastard had no damn clue.”
“You want me to believe you’ve been hiding out in these woods without Sam knowing?”
“Yes.” He came to an abrupt stop and you realised Dean was dead serious. “That kid’s as straight-jacketed as they come. Keeping up the charade nearly did a number on his head, and then you came into the picture. Sam’s nearly lost his goddamned mind over you.”
“He told you that?”
Dean sighed in exasperation. “Haven’t you been listening to a single word? I haven’t seen Sam in months, not since the fight. But he’s my only family left. I had to keep an eye on the kid.”
The trees were too damn thick for any sunlight to trickle down. Dean started walking again and you followed.
“What was the fight about, then?” You pressed, refusing to believe.
“You,” he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“Two years before I came into the picture? Yeah, right.”
Dean tilted his head, weighing his words. “About the idea of you, I guess.”
“Wow, that clears it all up, doesn’t it?” You laughed sarcastically.
He stayed quiet for so long that you actually paid attention to your surroundings, finding the trail vaguely familiar in the thick trees.
“We were to be married in eight weeks,” he said, voice deep and achingly sad. “She’d come to drop off pie for me. Sam says he insisted on dropping her back, but I knew my Jo. She was stubborn that one. If she wanted to drive herself, nothing Sam said would’ve changed her mind. Nothing. Ellen called three hours later asking for her. We searched all night long, all through the woods, all the way two towns over. Nothing. Sniffer dogs couldn’t catch a trail. The police found her car two days later in New Mexico… and her body two weeks later face down in the lake.”
You wanted to reach out, say something… anything, but words failed.
“She hadn’t drowned, Y/N. She’d already been dead when they threw her in there. Post-mortem said haemorrhage… blunt force trauma to the back of her head, ligature marks, bruises…” He closed his eyes unable to continue.
You knew bits and parts of what followed– Dean’s self-destructive tendency and Sam’s unwavering support. The latter won.
“Sam still thinks he’s to blame. That he should have somehow foreseen it. I know Ellen doesn’t disagree with him or shy away from throwing it in his face.” A mirthless scoff.
“I think the bigger part of her anger is because of what Sam did to you… and me.” You said. “Or rather, what she thinks he did to you and me.”
Dean sighed. “I owe Sam a lot more than my life, a sorry and a thank you. This whole plan hinges on his resilience.”
“What plan?”
He ran a hand through his hair, but his pace slowed down. “The detective working this case, Jody Mills… she’s suspected a human trafficking ring here for years. Every few years someone goes missing or a body mysteriously appears. But this thing has its claws in so deep that we can’t trust the entire PD.”
A shiver ran down your spine.
He glanced at you briefly, and you saw the ever-present kindness there. “You’re smart. I’m sure you’ve figured out a bunch of this yourself.”
Nodding to yourself, you thought out loud. “Sam wasn’t keeping me around for sex, didn’t want to hang me as bait for kidnapping, so obviously he wants information about where I was but…” You vividly remembered the night when he’d held your bloody hand and then all but shushed your barrage when you had tried to spill it all in a haze. “He stopped me from telling him… He didn’t want to hear any of it.”
Dean chuckled. A sudden light sound in the pressing quiet. “And I just called you smart.”
“What?”
“For all your God-forsaken angst over loving Sam… Have you not considered him liking you back?” Dean narrowed his eyes as if he was judging your intelligence. “Obviously it’s hard for him to listen to what you’ve been through. Hell, I’ve choked back on what little you’ve told me. Why are you being so thick?”
Tears sprang in your eyes.
He placed a gentle hand against your cheek.
“Give yourself some credit, Y/N. As stupid as you’re being right now, how can you question your own judgement of Sam so easily? You took your time forming your opinion, didn’t you? So consider all proof objectively. He was on board with the plan from day one knowing it would wreck his reputation if I disappeared after transferring my inheritance to him, knowing he’d have to make himself a villain… all for Jo. The kid didn’t bat an eye before agreeing. What led to the fight was the very last step of the plan. After infiltrating the system, he’d have to be one of them and well…”
“Buy a girl,” you finished.
“Yes,” said Dean. The word hung heavy in the air. “Sam refused to do it at first, but it was the only way. It’s killed him since day one, Y/N. And yesterday when you said he’s no better than any of those men who hurt you…”
The tears now freely flowed down your cheek and right into Dean’s palm. He slowly directed your face into his chest, tightly wrapping his arms around you.
“Oh, what have I done?” You whispered into his jacket.
Sam had banged hard on your door last night and you never gave him a chance to explain. Not a single word. If you truly loved him, how come the trust was broken this easily? And when you refused to speak, he’d respected your consent then, too.
“I’m sorry, Dean,” you said. “I should’ve trusted him, trusted you. After all, you never coaxed anything from me. I–”
A thousand memories ran through your mind: Sam’s fingers holding up your corset, touching his hand for the first time in the entrance hall before, his laugh after the false escape from dinner. Sam handing you a portfolio, Sam showing you around the old guesthouse, his fingers slipping on your wet shirt in the barn, laughing with him on the floor of your bedroom, his voice as he read out poetry… and his lips when they met yours.
“Sam took to playing chess in high school,” said Dean as you moved back. “I don’t think he ever got too good at it, but he used to come back rambling about all these moves, the King's Gambit, the Scandanavian, the Sicilian. He didn’t have anyone to play against, so I learned the basics to humour him and we played every night before bed.”
He’d started walking again and you kept pace this time.
“So there we are one night, recreating some classic game from half a century ago and I played a different piece and well, what do you know, my king ended up in a position from where he couldn’t move. Thought I’d lost because that was the only square my King was safe in. But then Sam said that’s not what it was. I couldn’t be forced to move my King to a checked square, but it wasn’t currently checked. A stalemate is what it was. That’s where we are at, Y/N.”
“A stalemate?”
“Yes. We know pieces of information, but not the ones that actually matter. It’s our move next, but every square is checked, Y/N. We need to know.”
The dim lights of the dungeon came back to you and oddly the crack of the skull. “The operation is not local, definitely crosses state lines. The building where they kept me is somewhere along New Mexico's border. It’s a huge glass building, seven stories high. I don’t know exactly where but from the se…” you gulped. “From the seventh floor, I could see a tall red tower with blinking lights. They blinked all the time… like passing seconds… but slower than s- seconds. The boss sits on the seventh floor.”
“The boss?”
“I-I don’t know his name. No one does. They only call him ‘the boss.”
“This is good, Y/N,” Dean said eagerly. “What does he look like? How does he find these girls? How does he keep them?”
“He… He looks like any other white man, in his 50’s, maybe early 60’s but his eyes, he has the coldest gray eyes and his laugh...” You stopped, collecting your thoughts. “You already know how he gets the girls. Men as scouts, pretending to be friends or lovers, finding vulnerable girls with little in the way of family. Me… Rosalie. About keeping them, there are two ways. One is standard, get them hooked to heroin. Once you have that, they’ll do anything to get the next fix. But those girls don’t make much money, yeah? They aren’t polished. I was the second kind, for the richer clientele that don’t like the smell of drugs and want the girls alive and kicking. For them, guess, it’s easier to blackmail by holding a loved one hostage. Rosalie only had a mother and I only had Jamie and Danny.”
You told him about how your siblings were held hostage somewhere, and how you stayed in line just to protect them.
“There’s very little we wouldn’t do to protect them, wouldn’t we?”
Dean nodded, then came to a halt and you noticed with some surprise that you were standing in front of the wishing well.
His fingers grazed the parapet's tally marks, and you voiced a long-lost curiosity. “Why do you have one extra?”
“That dumbass brought you here, didn’t he?” Dean snorted. “So much for our secret place.” But he didn’t seem to hold any grudge over it. “Dad brought me here right before Sam was born. Told me this was a magic well, so I needed to make a wish about what I wanted… a sister or a brother.”
“What did you ask for?”
“You see the extra mark there, don’t you?” He winked. “After the fire, I used to run out a lot, trying to find the well again. Wish my dead parents back, you know? Finally found it when I was twelve and Sam was eight. ”
“Seems like you’ve kept pace since with the tallys.”
Dean winked as if there was a secret to it, but didn’t share it with you.
“Come on, make a wish then,” he said.
“One is already due. I don’t want to burden the well.” You sighed. “Look, Dean. I’ll help you with whatever you want. I can draw plans of the building, and the street layout I could see from the seventh floor. Tell you the number of guards, the shifts, even the names of some of the clients, but I need you to promise me that nothing will happen to my brother and sister.”
“I promise.”
The walk back should have seemed like an interrogation, except Dean held your hand as you described more of the place, the people, the process… the boss.
“I told you already, I don’t know his name,” you burst out when he questioned a third time.
Dean’s eyes narrowed. “Did he… Did he hurt you? This boss?”
You laughed. One short, shaky laugh. “He had a wall full of these instruments… silver, gleaming and so cold.” Then there was the glass wall.
“Oh, that son of a bitch.”
“I wonder why you think Jo was involved in this,” you said, more to change the subject that anything else. “I mean she didn’t exactly fit the pattern.” Full family, doting boyfriend, well-to-do. Blitz kidnapping didn’t seem likely. The boss had to have had something on her.
“No, she didn’t fit the pattern and for a long time, we didn’t suspect her to have been in this.”
“How come?”
Dean’s voice reduced to barely above a whisper. “No obvious signs of… sexual assault in the postmortem report.” And despite the tragedy of it, Dean almost sounded relieved. He pulled out an old wallet from his back pocket and gazed at a picture inside lovingly. “I don’t know, Y/N, it makes me feel like an asshole but knowing that maybe she might have escaped the worst of it… God, I think it kept me from throwing myself off a damn cliff.”
“Oh, Dean!” You closed the distance in-between to hug him. “I bet she–” you gasped. The wallet hung loosely in his grasp and you glimpsed the picture behind the plastic.
You grabbed the wallet and held it up. “That… That’s Jo? Your Jo?”
He took you by your shoulders. “You knew her?”
“Oh my God!” All the hurt and anger and fear came crashing down on you as you collapsed to the green earth of the side lawn. Over the years she had gone from being the girl in the next cell, to the girl with brown eyes, to the girl in your nightmares and eventually… the only thing you were proud of.
“She’s… she used to be the girl in the next cell. I knew her.”
“Who did this to her?” Dean asked, voice so sharp, it didn’t even sound his.
“The Boss did,” you whispered. “I think it might have been an accident. I only heard the scuffle and then the crack of her skull. It was quick. She didn’t suffer much.”
There was a sharp intake of breath over you and you didn’t dare look up.
“Dean, you should know, the girls there… eventually choose to stay there. I know I did. Once you stop with the kicking and screaming, it gets a little easier. The bad days are lesser and most clients don’t treat you like complete trash. There’s food on your plate at night and poor orphan girls have a bed to sleep in when they comply… they…. we stop fighting. Because there is no relief to fight for, no home to go to and no one who could protect us. But your Jo, she never stopped. I bet she took a few teeth out of that one guard, too.”
“Did they… did anyone ever…?” He could not spit the entire sentence out and you saw the courage it took to finally confront that question.
You looked straight in his tear-stained tortured eyes. “No one hurt her that way. I… I took her turns for the week she was there. I still don’t know why I did it. I’m not a charitable person, and it was hell that week, but something about her faith in her fiance reminded me of, well, me… before I found out how I got there. I wanted to protect her faith just a little longer. So, no Dean, no one touched her that way. And you should also know, she died like she lived, fighting and believing in your love for her.”
Dean hugged you and broke down. “Thank you… Thank you for doing that for my Jo,” he blubbered. “You’re… You’re like an angel. Sam said that you know… yesterday he said that he thought you were some kind of an angel when he first saw you dressed in white. Wasn’t wrong.”
And you broke down with Dean. The night had descended upon you, as you both held each other in the darkness and just cried.
Much later, locked in the dining room, you drew the floor plans of the building from your memory, a map of the road and the way to the bus stop that you could remember, the names of the guards, physical descriptions, names of the girls, anything and everything you could think of. The maids all gave you curious looks. Getting along with a brother-in-law would be normal for most families, but an estranged brother-in-law who you had never supposedly met? Knowing the history they knew, that had to look shady.
As it turned out, Dean had been alternating between living in the Guest house in Sam’s room and a cabin further north that not many people knew of in the estate. He knew ways to sneak in and out better than almost anyone. Hired security was never too big a problem for him. He was to set out first thing tomorrow morning to see how he could use your intel.
“You know my roommate Carmen,” you said at the door when he was about to leave. “She might have been the only one to care for me back then. I fought with her the night before. If you can do one thing for me, find her and tell her she was right and I am so very sorry.”
“Of course.” Dean stepped up and kissed your forehead. “And Y/N, I’m going to get that bastard. Not just for what he did to Jo, but also for what he did to you. You said you didn’t fight after a while because you didn’t have a home, a family. Now you do. Remember that.”
You watched Dean head out. He would be gone before you woke up tomorrow, but you felt lighter than you had in years, like the weight of the world had been lifted off your shoulders. Upstairs, you found Abby in her room.
She stood up the moment she saw you. “Miss, is everything alright?”
“Yes, Abby. I was wondering if you knew when Sam would be back?”
“He was home earlier this evening but didn’t stay long. I believe he left for Colorado.”
Hurt. “Did he say anything about when he would return?”
“No, Miss.”
“Did he ask about me?”
“No, Miss.”
“Did he say anything at all?”
The pitying shake of her head was enough for you to turn around and return to your room. What if you had hurt Sam beyond fixing this time? Abby had been correct, he looked fragile, not just physically, but something about the fragmented look in his eyes, as if one blow could shatter him. What if your hurtful words and vitriolic accusation finally pushed him to the edge? How much bullshit could one man take after all?
You had stepped into this house thinking you would be used, and it was the most horrid feeling in the world. What if Sam thought the same now? That you had used him… used his home, his wealth, and his empathy. Hell, you had used his body, too!
No, you didn’t pray for yourself much. But in that moment you did- God, please give me one chance to apologise. Please.
*****************************
A/N 2: So turns out I was tagging all wrong :/ Ana is feeling sad about that. Hopefully, it will work this time.
Please do let me know what you think of this part. Reblogs and comments are what keep me going!
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Din Djarin holding Grogu, while brandishing his pistol. Image of 1/6 scale Hot Toys Din Djarin Mandalorian, showing Pedro Pascal's face, with box and other images in the background. Photo by me.
Grogu had been splitting his time between his dad, who was spending the majority of his time swapping stories with his friend Lacc Straso, and Dagon and Peli, who were working diligently on fixing the N-1. Grogu’s official job was to keep the other droids and mechs out from underfoot, except for Thirty, who was a real expert at starship maintenance. Everything was going pretty well, until Grogu heard a thump, a crash, and a ‘for cryin’ out loud’ from Peli. That last bit got everyone’s attention.
Grogu rushed in to see what had happened. He’d designated himself as the lead first responder for any injuries, fires, spills, or arguments between the two lead technicians. He hadn’t had to take care of any of those things yet and was glad to have a chance to leap into action. When he entered the repair space he couldn’t tell what the problem was. Peli wasn’t jumping up and down as she so often did when she dropped a tool on her foot and Dagon wasn’t doing anything other than trying like heck not to laugh.
“Any one care to explain what happened? That didn’t sound like a good sort of crash.”
Trust his dad to get right down to the nub of the problem.
“Actually, it was a good sort of crash. Peli and I had been discussing how the lower housing of the thruster control tunnel was assembled because we have to take it apart to replace the part that created the failure mode you noticed, and it just required a tap from a mallet. You’re very lucky that hasn’t fallen off during your use of the ship. Apparently none of the fasteners were in place and that’s what we’d been talking about.”
Dagon was smiling and seemed pretty happy with himself. Grogu could understand that. They had been trying to fix one problem, located another, and would be able to fix them both. A sort of win-win-win. But just one glance at his dad told him that Din Djarin was not happy with that answer. They’d traveled all over the galaxy with that what ever it was housing not being properly attached and Grogu knew that his dad was imagining everything that could have gone wrong anytime they had used the N-1. That was a lot for a Mandalorian to take in, especially one like his dad, who was so proud of that ship and the paces he had put it through.
It was like riding a fathier in a race and discovering, after you cleared the seventeen jumps and run that five klick track to post the fastest time ever, that your saddle had never been clipped properly and any wrong move would have had you eating dirt and being trampled. Which was strange, because Grogu was pretty sure that Mandalorian training included all actions to take when something went wrong. If anyone was going to be prepared for that, it had to be Din Djarin.
“Lacc? Do you mind keeping an eye on these two? I think Grogu and I should go fishing.”
“Right now?”
Lacc was shocked at his friend’s request and so was Grogu. Grogu wasn’t sad about it, but he was pretty surprised. He wondered why his dad thought right now was a good time to go fishing.
“Yup. This whole thing started because Grogu wanted just spend the day with me fishing. We were going to go to the Pika Oasis. Then I got that armor that once belonged to Pre Vizsla and it became apparent that I needed to go to Mandalore and sort that out. But that’s when the N-1 had the malfunction and I found out you were still here so I thought we’d just hitch a ride and go to Naboo. Now, I realize I just should have taken Grogu fishing. He’s been a real trooper about all this and I don’t want to take that for granted.”
Wow. Grogu had never heard his dad speak for such a long period of time when no one was threatening either one of them. He felt so special right then he didn’t know what to do.
“Ah. Spoken like a father. Good for you Djarin. Of course I’ll watch over these two. When you and Grogu return from the Oasis, the ship will be working, you’ll have had some time to relax, and I can tell you who to talk to about that armor. That should save you some time.”
Grogu could hear the pride in Lacc’s voice, as well as something else. Maybe it was happiness? Joy? Humor? He couldn’t tell. It was another good example of why Mandalorians should be able to take their helmets off whenever they wanted to. Then Grogu would know if the older man was just happy for his dad or if was teasing him about something.
“Thanks. Okay, Grogu, come on. We still have a few hours of light left. We can catch some gorgs, or some scalefish. Didn’t Diggle and Daggle say that the Oasis was home to scalefish?”
The Mandalorian had scooped Grogu up in the most undignified way, but considering how sentimental his dad was being about the whole, could have faced a catastrophic in-flight failure at any moment in the N-1, Grogu decided not to make a big deal out of it. Instead, he tapped his head against hid dad’s helmet and chirped that everything would be all right. The worst thing that could happen at the Oasis was getting sand in his armor or even falling in the water. But Grogu was prepared to help with one of those because he found the Mandalorian’s choice of words when he sand in his boots of the crevices of his cuirass more than a little fascinating.
“What? You two are leaving just when this is gettin’ good? Hope you have a good time. It you’re lucky you’ll only bring back a good appetite. Ha!”
Grogu just smiled at Peli. He understood that she liked having an audience, but sometimes you just had to spend time with the person who meant the most to you, even if they weren’t very good at fishing, didn’t actually eat fish, and hadn’t remembered to bring the fishing gear with them. But that was fine. He just hoped that they had some fun doing something that other dads did with their children. You know, spending time talking about how everything was better, worse, more fun, more dangerous, and not nearly as nice as it could have been, until you joined their lives. Then they just lived with their heart’s outside of their bodies and worked to get used to it. So a good time, all around. Yippee!
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My First @n@l
He was 8 years older. He was my friend.
He's always been some sort of a protector to me. I never looked at him differently other than a good friend. He probably didn't either..until that night.
Party was over and it was pretty late. I wasn't drunk but my dorm was very far, and we decided I stay at his place.
He laughed and said he won't be sleeping on his tiny couch so we gotta share the bed. Of course it wasn't an issue for me.
He gave me a pj top, which i wore as a dress. He looked at me and said I look very cute.
I lay down on his bed. That's when things are blurry in my head for some reason.
I remember we talked a bit.. I remember him sitting up, and telling me to sit as well.
He said "I wasn't gonna do it... I swear it wasn't on my mind until I saw how cute you looked in my pj. Now I won't be able to stop."
He kissed me. I don't know what happened next but I found myself bl0wing him.
I thought well I don't want to do this... I just want to get this over with.
Next thing I remember is him trying to remove my clothes.
I said we can't do it. He asked "Does it look like I care about anything right now? Just remove your clothes because it will happen."
He made me lay on my stomach and fucked my pu$$y. I don't remember this much. What I remember clearly is the moment I felt his d1ck pushing my ass hole.
I was confused and warned him, thinking he is aiming wrong. But he grabbed my arm with his hand, locked my legs with his legs. I couldn't move my hips left or right. Only way for me to try to move away was pushing my hips backwards but I couldn't, because it would only make his d1ck enter my hole. I was locked.
As he entered inch by inch, I screamed. Pain was unbearable.
"NO NO STOP PLEASE DON'T NO NO!!"
He still wasn't fully in. I rescued one of my arms and started to push him. It didn't have any effect. I grabbed his d1ck trying to prevent him going deeper. He stopped moving once my hand was on the way. He started to pull out slowly.
He put it in again. Because of my hand, only half of his d1ck was in. But I could swear my hole was bl€eding because it felt so warm there.
I realized screaming makes the hole even tighter so i had to stop. Now I was just making that weird, low moaning that comes from my throat. For some reason it helped a little bit.
But the relief didn't last long because he removed my hand and pushed himself all the way in. The way I screamed.. his roommates must hear something. Nobody came to check.
He was balls deep in my ass. Said "I am r@ping your ass right now. Do you realize I am r@aping your ass? Yeah you are being r@ped by me."
It felt like eternity. I felt like some of my organs were spilling out of my hole. I felt like even my stomach was getting damaged because of his d1ck.
Our voices were filling the room. My cries and begging, painful moaning, and him talking about how much he enjoys r@ping me.
When he was done, his d1ck slipped out of me with loads of cųm. At this point I was unable to move. He just laid next to me and we fell asleep.
Next morning I woke up with the feeling of his d1ck trying to enter my pu$$y. I was sleeping sideways, he was behind me. I didn't move or say anything.
He rubbed himself until my lips opened up for the entry. He fucked me for around 2 minutes and came on my thighs.
We got up and started to dress.
He said "You knew what would happen when I see you in my pj. I had to do it. You were so tiny and cute in that big shirt. Don't worry, i am not telling D (boy i was in love with) anything. We are still friends. But I warn you, don't be alone with me in my room again. I always wanted to r@pe your ass, and i will do it again."
#tw rap3#suic1de#su1cide#su1c1d4l#su1c1dal#su1c1d3#degrading k1nk#@buse kink#r@pe k!nk#r@pe kink#cnc kidnapping#abuse k1nk#cnc k!nk#bd/sm kink#r@pe m3#r@pe fantasy#s€lfh4rm#i want to d1e#@buse me#f0rced breeding#f0rced an@l#tw su1cide#r@pe threats#r@pe k1nk
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Feeling very frustrated with my reduced mobility recently.
#life stuff#fursona#fursona scribbles#my tendon injury means it hurts standing up for anything more than a few minutes#my favorite way to exercise is walking#which i haven't been able to do recently#the first two weeks i biked a lot#so that i would still be able to go places and move a bit#but now it's snowing which is not. great for biking#so i have to use my stupid car if i want to go places which is extremely inconvenient where i live. guh
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Still packing stuff and now i'm looking for a box for this.
My dad and i made it a few years ago for halloween, probably 2015/16 if i'm remembering right. It's made from a lays can, a wipes container from his work, and paper maché. I don't remember what the wires and front metal bits are from, but the middle actually lights up! It has one of those long battery-powered emergancy lights in it and some colored tissue paper
#lee rambles#I gotta fix the metal bits on the front#they keep coming out of place and drooping down. maybe some hot glue'll work since i don't want to melt the styrofoam under the paper#I went as Chell that year#with a shitty handmade Aperature Science shirt lol#Also as a sidenote since i'm already talking a bunch in the tags#I have no idea if we're actually going to be able to afford to move or not#so we're kinda thinking about staying where we are and seeing how things go over the next few years#i know it's in my dad's will to sell but with how expensive rentals are i doubt we'd be able to afford 2k+ a month on top of our other bills#I just hope my Uncle doesn't give us too much shit about it. We didn't get much from the life insurances he had#definitely not enough to live on for long on its own#but 800 a month for the house is a lot more doable than 2000#we don't want to end up having to kill ourselves working just to make ends meet. That's probably what would happen if we moved#i dunno#just... thinking a lot about the future. I honestly hope we stay#It'd get rid of a lot of stress if we stayed. We'd still get rid of a bunch of things but... it'd be easier.#We weren't even really allowed to grieve. once the funeral was over we just had to start packing our lives away.#i'm a little bitter about it really. They've gotten to grieve and be away from the situation. We've had to be there the whole time.#We might've all been there the day he passed but they weren't there for his bad days. They weren't there helplessly watching as he slowly#got more and more tired. and sick. and depressed.#I don't know what we're going to do.#I didn't mean for this to turn all venty. sorry about that if you've read this far
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Recent ones of these even though they all look the same lol.. forcing myself to document progress..
#I can average like 2500 words a day for a while and then something gets in the way and I don't write for a week or something#which then sort of erases my previous Doing Good At Keeping Up With It lol.. but... alas#Still moving slowly forward...#There's a 'community board' place in game where you can go to look at a few things and some of whats there is little 'odd jobs' the player#can do for a little extra coin (since you can buy items in the game/might need coin).#Thhough of course since it's just interactive fiction/visual novel it's not like... actual minigames or something. Just like..#mini stories of your character going places and doing stuff and having some interactions with the other places in the world#Like for example since modern refrigerators don't exist in this world one of the odd jobs you can do is help with doing ice deliveries#or there's one odd job where you assist a guy recharging the city's main bell tower/time keeping place by helping him go around and replace#the iriminel crystals (kind of like magical batteries - stones that are able to store energy that way and be used to fuel passive#enchantments). or one where you help food prep for the cooks at a nearby automat. etc. etc.#Just little short things to get a better glimpse of how the wider city is outside of just interacting with the main characters. plus earn#a tiny bit of coin. Though because they're so short there's not really branching paths or anything much for choices beyond#usually an optional dialogye menu where you can talk to the person you're working with and ask them personal#or work related questions if inclined to do so. It'd be cool if they were more in depth but.......erugh...#I have so much writing left to do already lol.. Also since it's really just to get money I could have just had them#all be like a single sentence of 'you go here and you do this all day then you come home. + 15 coins. yaay' and thats all#So maybe it's a middle ground to elaborate upon them at all. Just enough extra details to maybe be a little interesting#like ''ooh my character is in a little cart riding through the misty morning forest on their way to deliver ice'' . but also not so much#that it takes away time from like... the literal actual main game lol#ANYWAY. That's what all these are. There are like 10 optional little world exploring/job things you can do. and each I guess seem to be#about 2.500 words ish. That's including the optional chatting menus though. but still. reasonable for a little side thing I guess.#I got finished with one character's quests and stuff so I decided to take a break to work on some of the other little things like the Odd#Jobs and the 8 characters you can find around the world to have short conversations with that aren't actual main characters either. etc.#Then I shall return back to the Main Actual Things. ... augh...... still so much to do...#Which I could also just cut everything extra out but... idk.. since it's mostly all text I feel the need to give more options to flesh out#the actual setting somehow. Since in a 3D game you can walk around and explore the world and stuff. And of course there#are pictures. but it would take me infinitely longer to do detailed art of so much of the entire city youre in or etc. So i guess my versio#of still having some amount of ''exploration'' is just.. set up optional paths where more of the world can at least be Described.#You can't actually walk through a 3d orchard. or an elaborate bell tower. or an elven shrine. But you can Read About being in them LOL
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.....realized I would literally rather work 12 hours a day and come home to complete silence where my space is exactly the way I like it and I don't have to continue to mask my reactions than have to work all day then come back to a roommate. wish I'd had this realization 2 months ago. I've been crying about how much I don't want to live with someone else and just NOW realized I'm an adult and I've organized my life in such a way that I don't technically Have to I can just work harder at a number of kind of shitty jobs I'm qualified for
#had a whole breakdown in private when i found out they had already leased my place i am hot mess this year#there are other places around the same price it was just. i thought about not having to move and the instant relief and hope for the future#then again i thought about not having to live with anyone else in general and that did also restore my hope for the future a tiny bit#if i had just realized i can do what i want even a month ago#:(#i don't WANT to suffer the 2-4 month mental consequences of changing where i live#i was getting a roommate because i was like. so i lose my ability to be around people and still function/hold down a job every 2 years#i should start planning for the next go around of the cycle#THEN i realized wait. i was living with my family for burnout 1#i was working 2 jobs and going to school for burnout 2#i was living with a roommate for burnout 3#(extension of burnout 2)#i was living with my family working full time and doing classes online for burnout 4#what if. here's a thought#i wasn't living with family i wasn't living with a roommate i wasn't in school#and i worked the same shitty job that gave me $16 an hour#but at the end of the day i just didn't have to do any other work#hm.#idk if i will even be able to find a place that accepts me on my own without a guaranteed income but#god it would help me keep a guaranteed income to live alone#who knows maybe i'd even be able to get therapy for the fact that i have never felt truly comfortable around anyone irl#it's always been like i had to force myself through anyway but what if i got to stop for even like 2 years
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My printer hates me :) (with many thanks and credit to @niennanir as before)
Gosh aren’t they gorgeous tho ♥ Especially the latest and largest, though I have to give all the credit to the paper on that one haha, it’s stunning IRL, I could almost stare at the gold lattice forever rather than read, but I’m so happy with how it turned out between the pages as well!
Quick showcase of the new additions! :D
My Drinking Game as another test run, I got the spacing how I wanted it! Yay! It’s so much handsomer and less cramped! Also I gotta say, if it wasn’t such a large usage of paper, this would be my ideal way of checking for typos - I found a couple after setting it down to ink lol, they’ve been fixed now at least ♪ Paired here with the emerge, transformed three-parter, one of my all-time-favourites <3 I reread it the night I finished it and cried again, a little bit of tender mercy always wrecks me hhhh ♥ There are so many beautiful evocative lines! I’m so happy to hold it ♪ And as you can see above, that was the one that got the cute little ghost dust jacket :D
Another test run of what I’m calling volume 1 of my Vargas Drabbles lol, so not including Have you lost your mind? since that one’s currently unfinished. I do fully intend to print it once it’s done tho :3c Hopefully that one will cause me fewer problems! I hate measuring, so I may have flubbed two covers before finally getting this one into good enough shape XP And my red yarn is still in storage so >.> Did I go purchase another ball of red yarn? I’ll never tell. You can’t tell me it doesn’t look great as a bookmark tho <3
And my current happiest! Ah!! It turned out fantastic on all counts! The cover paper obviously, as I couldn’t Not lead with that, but also the size of the spine and the way the pages settled against each other while glueing - I used a different type of paper for this one and I think I’m completely converted over, it feels amazing to work with. Whatever I was using before had to have been like 15lbs lol, I’m literally just using normal 20lb printer paper but it feels and looks and behaves so much nicer <3 The size of Helix also allowed for a slightly larger bookmark, which was perfect because we had this soft gold ribbon that was all of a couple millimeters wider than the other ribbons/yarn I’d been using, and it looks so so so pretty with the gold detailing!! I’ve put it between Ch. 1 and 2 and getting to see the actual physical size differences of the chapters is so fun ♥
#Hhhhhh crafting is so funnnnn <3 <3 <3#Fully intending to make more - I have the next set picked out and the accompanying dust jacket to go with it haha#I've decided to stick to dust jackets for the plain non-textured covers for the most part#It does hide my detailing on the covers but it also hides if I haven't done anything to the fronts as well! Haha ♪#I added a Captain/ZEX caption to Drinking Game like I did with ZEX/DAX but the latter is still the prettiest by far <3#Their names were made to go together you could say hehe ♪♫#You can kinda see I tried my hand at making a custom cover for the Vargas drabbles as well - it kiiiinda turned out? Lol#As stated I hate measuring and the lines turned out wonky :P But it's done and I've reread it for typos lol#I was worried I'd find rereading my own work cringy since most of those are older than either of my SCII fics but no it was nice actually :)#I did actually go supply shopping yet again for these since I'm having so much fun with it hehe <3 <3#The yarn and the cover paper I used for Helix were both good finds :) I got a whole booklet of space-themed cardstock! :D#That one was one of the lesser space ones hehe ♪ I had a couple other considerations - like a yellow-on-white constellation one ♫#But I think I'm the happiest with this one! It's beautiful and I feel like it reflects the Idle Rich themes a little bit hehe <3#Hhhhhhh it's so nice to read them like I would a book ♥ I enjoy reading them on my iPod but there's something about The Experience hehe#Being able to hold it and place a physical bookmark and not having the glare of a screen or if the scroll goes funny lol#Just exactly what it is! And I can pull any of them at any point!#I actually had a moment where I wanted to read one of them but didn't want to move from my spot to physically go get it#Only to realize later I was holding my iPod at the time and could've read it that way as it's still very much available online lol#SCII#LAC#Vargas
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1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!
2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr
3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!
overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!
#aritalks#i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use#not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before#and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk#but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day!#the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow#also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years#(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years#and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk)#was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!!#i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight#so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday#my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work#my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all#over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins)#but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered#(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting#when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so#just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my#mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19)#so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her#and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too#i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure#out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still#dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not#the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one#if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it#but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help#and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks#just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️
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