#so take my raw thoughts
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okay after that tag game I can’t help but think about my faves as cats. I need to ramble now.
Giyuu: cute all black cat. Hair on the longish side, but surprisingly easy to care for. He’s an overall chill cat. Maybe a little too chill. Sometimes you really wander what’s going on in his head, he’s been staring at that same spot on the wall for a hour now. Not amused much by toys. Will go crazy for crinkly ones but gets of them quite easily and just paws at it gently instead of flinging it across the room and chasing after it like he was moments ago. Occasionally gets him stuck in places he can’t get himself out of. He was just curious. And now regrets it. Seems almost humanly embarrassed whenever you gotta help him out. He loves sitting on your lap and chest. He’ll knead your chest too. Always wants to be near you and see what you’re doing. He will follow you into the bathroom. NO closed doors in this household. He’ll press his nose against the door and meow so loud and sad until you open it up. His meow quickly turning cute and innocent.
Aki: Little brat tbh LMAO. All black short hair cat. He’s a petty ass cat. He will knock your water off your table if you fed him two minutes late. Loves cuddles though, so clingy. Has a real nice loud and deep purr. Looovvesss scritches on the chin, he does the whole eye squint and pushing his head out to get more. He’ll knead on you too. He don’t care, he wanna use your thigh, even if you didn’t cut his claws yet. He’s finally being affectionate, you gotta smile through the pain. He only wants attention once HE demands it. He’s the cuddliest thing when he approaches you first. But you see him sitting all cute in his tower and want to come up and pet him?? WHACK. He likes to sleep in bed with you every night though. And he INSISTS on sharing your pillow. If it snows where you live, he likes to watch the snowflakes through the window. He’ll walk around in the snow if you put him out there but he’s doing the whole one step *shake foot* one step *shake foot* and that’s about all he’ll do. He’s (slowly) walking back into the house. Jumps on your shoulder and watches you cook.
Kento: one of them fancy spotted ones. I’ll look up the specifies later. Idk what kinds of temperaments those kinds of cats would have. But this is Kento energy now so it don’t matter bc I said so. He’s the most easy going cat anybody would ever own. He’s why the stereotype of cats being “fully independent pets” came from. Barely vocal, he’s a very quiet cat. He’ll only speak once it’s getting close to his feeding time. You always feed him at 6pm?? He’s meowing politely and sitting patiently at his bowl at exactly 5:50 to remind you it’s almost time to feed him and to not be late. Just about as affectionate as Aki. He needs his alone time, and will come to you when he’s craving cuddles again. Has a real deep purr, low and sometimes you either gotta feel him or lean in close to hear his purrs. He always smells so good, he doesn’t really get stinky. He will clean himself after you kiss him lolol. He likes sitting on your lap. He’s also ALWAYS curious about what your cookin. He never wants to eat any of the food you give him to sniff, he simply just wants to sniff and watch lolol.
Shouta: such a sassy cat. Definitely a stray you randomly just came home with one day with no preparation whatsoever. Very very recluses cat. Doesn’t like hugs, doesn’t like being held. Doesn’t like being groomed bc it goes into being man handled. Such a soft little baby once he starts to warm up to you though (which definitely takes a while). Softly nudges your arm with his face, looking at you with big sad eyes bc he wants pets lolol. He never sits on top of you either, he’ll always be touching but never on top. When he does, it’s RARE!!! Maybe once a year. And it will be your chest when you’re sleeping lolol. Snooziest cat, he doesn’t like toys, he almost looks like he finds them ridiculous. Old man in a cats body. WILL make himself comfy. Bought him a bed? Nah, your blanket and pillows are better.
#I am too lazy to edit any of this#so take my raw thoughts#as you can see I’m crazy#about my faves and cats#crimsonkenjii rambles
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hellooooooooo here's one of the things I drew for the stream last night! :D made this sketch sometime last week and I just thought it might be a good candidate for the old lineless treatment teehee. Well, partially lineless, anyhow. listen I just think Sam deserves some kids to cuddle lmao
also shoutout to everybody accusing Lacey of being raw or sunburnt lmaoooooo I did give her a bit of an unfortunate color scheme in retrospect ^^;
#I was thinking of the color of foam on top of hot chocolate lol but she do look a little raw#gonna upload the rest of the sketches from recent streams soon! it's just that their IDs will take a lot longer to write#so I thought I'd post this in the meantime#sam and max#sam and max freelance police#freelance husbands#the maxlings#snm aus#my art
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My thoughts on how the Milgram mv machine works based on the evidence we have:
(I know there’s been discussion about where exactly the interrogations take place, but wherever they are,) the prisoners are made to sit in a specific chair near the wall that houses the machine.
It’s ordinarily hidden, but the wall panels shift aside to reveal it when the mechanical sounds play in the dramas. As well as the walls moving, the chair transforms to restrain the prisoner and attach whatever it takes to access their brain. The fact that none of the more frightened prisoners try to run or break it makes it seem like they physically cannot. This is why Fuuta sounds so panicked, and why Amane is suddenly helpless in front of Es in their T1 vds.
(My mind conjures very classic sci-fi mad scientist machines with wires, pipes, lights, nodes, needles, etc, but I’d love to hear how other people visualize it.)
In some vds (maybe all? I’d need to check,) you can hear Es take some steps right before their iconic line -- it would make sense that for safety reasons, the power mechanism is placed across the room. Once again it could be anything, but the sound effect makes me think of one of those giant wall-mounted levers you have to pull down.
The voice dramas don’t really provide the type of crime details that an actual interrogation would reveal, and it’s odd that they’re placed before the extraction rather than after Es gets to see the new details. This leads me to believe the machine functions with priming. All Es needs to do is get them talking about their murder, so it’s on their mind.
The video produced is much like a (non-lucid) dream. Even if the prisoners figure out that this is how it works, they can’t control it just by thinking really hard about something else. The murders produce the strongest emotional affect, and that’s what it picks up on. If someone else used the machine, it would default to whatever gave them the strongest emotional reaction in the ~15 minutes beforehand, hence why Es’ video focuses on their daunting task ahead. (The Undercover theory is still a bit loose, though, given the private shots that Es wouldn't have known about). It’s why the videos are usually closely linked to the vd topics/beats. I also like to think that the reason their prisoner colors appear so much is because they’re looking at those colors on their uniform 24/7.
The bell rings to inform Es that it’s the optimal time to use the machine -- the prisoner has been thinking about things for long enough that the video will be about their crime, and if the conversation lasts much longer they’ll start thinking of other things. It’s at a different time for each prisoner because it’s based on the specific conversation. I guess Jackalope is listening in to the interrogation, timing it perfectly. (The only one that kind of messes with this theory is Yonah, because they just keep talking afterwards lol, but it could just show that the interrogation is still in Es’ control.)
Their “Sing your sins” is the final priming nudge to get them to think of their actions as a sin, revealing their guilt.
Once activated, the prisoner enters a sort of trance/sleeping state. It’s very much like REM sleep, with the machine forcibly activating neurons and recording the output. The prisoners have asked Es what they saw, meaning they don’t remember the mvs. I like to think the prisoners do experience the mv in real time, acting as the major version of themself that appears, but can’t remember it afterwards. It’s when you experience a dream, but as soon as you wake up you’re just left with fleeting emotions and memories right on the tip of your tongue.
The video plays immediately upon extraction -- whether on a huge projection or little screen depends on which room it’s in. It simultaneously saves the memory so that Es can rewatch it later (on those old TVs in the jailbreak mix). The machine downloads the song and video together, but requires special parts to retrieve them. The technology is pretty new and fragile, so if one is broken, there might be a delay between when Es can hear the extracted song and see it with the video. (That’s my justification for Kotoko’s delays -- after 9 prisoners the parts wear out, or maybe Mikoto himself overheats it with his complex situation.)
Based on the lack of conversation we get afterwards, I picture Es leaving before the prisoner wakes from the trance. The machine adjusts their brain back to normal before they awaken, restraints freed and able to return to the rest of the prison.
It’s very much like a dream, so it’s not harmful despite the amnesia/head injuries the prisoners have. It does, however, exhaust them. Brain activity alone takes a lot of energy, so forced brain activity with added emotional strain would cause them to feel pretty drained the rest of the day.
#milgram#👍👍#if theres anything contradictory please lmk -- this is how ive been taking the evidence we have so i definitely want to rethink things if#theres a mistake#but also i just wanna hear what people have been picturing 🤔#i mentioned it before but the jailbreak tvs really did shift my brain from sleek tech to clunky old scifi vibes#im also still partial to an idea mentioned a long time ago about the prisoners waking up to catch the last few moments of their mv#and how heartbreaking that can be for some#but i feel like it would make more sense if there was no direct interaction after the extraction since es is overwhelmed with different#reactions (from us) and the prisoners themselves are raw with emotion and fatigue#i like the thought of interrogations occuring in that big courtroom (seen in undercover and now deep cover)#but that room seems way too echo-y for the vds to take place in#and it seems overkill to build every cell with moving panel walls and access to the machine#so the jurys still out on that one#(also hehe im still so excited that my oc fits very nicely into all of this but i kept this post 100% canon compliant)#analysis/thoughts
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Hiiii not sure if anyone's asked this yet but any advice on how to improve on art & anatomy? I use to draw a lot wayyyy back in high school but then stopped because of life getting in the way but now I really wanted to get back into art but realized my art isn't as good as it use to be & I never really cared too much about studying anatomy so all my anatomy/proportions are really wack & I'd like to get better at it. Hope you're having a good day!!! 💞💞💞
HI!!! i dont have any formal training in anatomy nor have i really done any studies, so unfortunately i think i can only offer general advice, but hopefully you can still find it helpful! here's what i'd recommend based on my own experience...
focus on proportions BEFORE anatomy! nailing down the size/length of each body part in relation to each other will give you a good foundation before getting into the specifics of anatomy, since you can practice this with simple shapes (circles, boxes, tubes, etc.). then practice anatomy/build on top of that, rather than trying to figure them out in parallel
practice from real life observation/references (ex. figure drawing)! even if you want to draw stylized, it'll be much more helpful in the long run if you study from real life. you'll be a lot more informed in how body parts actually connect to each other or how they move. observe observe observe! take pics of yourself/watch how your body moves--you can be your own most accessible resource, and a mirror and camera can be your best friends
find a way to keep yourself motivated to practice anatomy! everyone says that you only get better with practice and time... and it's true! but i can understand that sometimes it's hard to motivate yourself. if you ask me, draw your favorite characters :) it's literally all i do HAHA. my mentality is that... if i'm drawing something that i like then the practice feels less of a chore lol
#sorry these are kind of vague T_T i dont have a ton of technical knowledge...#i draw mostly based on intuition formed by years and years of observation lol#which is why i would put the most emphasis on the second bullet point btw!#i think its the main reason why ive gotten to this point in drawing while being self taught#but also bc ive been drawing for a very long time too#also sorry this took me a couple of days to answer T_T it takes me a while to come up with a response to these types of questions#bc im not great at articulating my thoughts HAHA <- not a words person#but i'm really flattered to get an ask like this T_T i wish i could give better/more specific answers T_T#i think its awesome that you want to get back into drawing tho T_T it's inspiring me to keep practicing as well#i actually saw this ask right after i got back from watching look back over the weekend LMAOOO#I WAS SO DEEPLY MOVED...!!! HAVING ALREADY BEEN SO RAW WITH EMOTION#IM ROOTING FOR YOU ANON..........!!! DONT GIVE UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KEEP DRAWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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something something foils moving in opposite directions Goku's always happy to seek and fight stronger opponents because he spent most of his life being the strongest guy in the room and Vegeta wants to be the strongest/is always exhausted to find stronger opponents because he spent most of his life having to navigate his survival around the whims of the strongest guy in the universe room and so Goku has a foundation of safety and stability and so spends his time craving challenge and adventure and Vegeta has a foundation of challenge and adventure and spends his time craving safety and stability and the overlaid section of their venn diagram is that the only way they know how acquire and maintain those things is through battle
#thank you this has been the laziest media analysis post of my career#dbtag#media analysis#something something a game to goku is a threat to vegeta etc#there's a pinned thought here about how Vegeta also didn't learn about the dragon balls until he was ?? 30?? and so all loss is permanent#and goku has been familiar since he was ~12 and hasn't faced a permanent consequence since he was 10 years old and even then he got closure#sometimes I think about how Vegeta saw Trunks die and how Krillin was mad at him for reacting since they could fix it with the dragon balls#but Vegeta has very limited experience with the dragon so to him in that moment that was permanent and Trunks was Dead. Forever.#And we talked before in a 2am post about Vegeta having never experienced grief born of love and I stand by it because his feelings then wer#still very new and very odd and not something he'd accepted until that moment so it was raw power but not as powerful as it could've been#all this to say in my heart of hearts I think Vegeta deserves to retire at the end of super (if super continues) -- not as a warrior#but as an infantryman. he's a prince and now he's got his domain and his family and his planet to look after and I think he deserves#to go home and stay home and help piccolo bully gohan into training more often when goku inevitably leaves to hop the multiverse#geets wanted to take a sabbatical when Bulla was born but didn't get the chance because Freeza coming back freaked him out too much#but whether freeza gets a redemption arc or gets defeated -- Granolah's arc seemed to shift his perspective on being the strongest#and I just grips fist I just think it would be a really nice full circle for Vegeta to inherit his throne in a way he never expected and#finally get his kingdom to look after and protect in the way that he was looking forward to being king of his own planet all those years ag#Goku's got Broly and Jiren and Hit and all the others to keep him busy and happy now -- and if Freeza gets a redemption arc he'll probably#continue playing slap-ass with Goku for the rest of his life -- and Vegeta's got Gohan and Piccolo and Goten and Trunks#I just think them getting a nice bittersweet 'This is where we part ways' would be really nice for both of them because !!#They couldn't have done this without each other. They couldn't have known this kind of life was possible without each other.#So they swap lots and live happier than they ever imagined they could be#especially since Vegeta has proved to himself that he can close any gap Goku creates in progress that's not a concern anymore#And obvs the door's always open!! There's no point closing it Vegeta's tried the locks they don't work on Goku#anyway here's me putting the whole essay in the tags again#this isn't an essay as much as it is stream of consciousness tag blogging#anyway i'm too lazy to write fic or draw comics so we get ramblings instead
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The vampire Killer /werewolf Cross thing (WHICH I HAVEN'T EVEN MADE DESIGNS FOR YET) has made me kinda maybe want to try writing. A fic. Of some kind of other. Lololol do not take this as a promise I've only done creative writing in middle school T T
#this is stupid as hell#don't listen to me#I just think it could be fun#it's gonna be shit btw#if I do it#cause I'm not a writer at all#I draw#i don't *do* words#but I can't resist a vampire/werewolf fic#This is just another project I won't actually finish#or start#or something#I already have a few drawing ideas#so don't actually expect anything#but it could#this is very raw rn#I don't usually post like this#you're getting unfiltered histerical pigeon right here#this might be my most unhinged post#this is feelings and thoughts#don't take this as anything else#a conjecture if you will#putain
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Can't find the ask from somebody asking me if I've read either of John Lynch's books, but id like that person to know I have now read both Torn Water and Falling Out of Heaven. Suffice to say I'm not well
#the heron speaketh#john lynch#thought that torn water was a heavy read but i finished falling out of heaven tonite... i have. a headache#what a fucking phenominal writer though jesus christ#theres reoccurring themes in both books but falling out of heaven takes them like miles and miles further#and its a fucked up and raw story! and its excellent! i fucking love these books! my head hurts so bad!#i love reading somebodys writing and getting a glimpse of their mind through the way they tell a story#deeply distressing and thoughtful book to read but i ate through it within like... three or four days ive never read a book that fast#im going to bed and maybe having a good cry but i wanted to Inform Everybody that john lynch is a good actor AND a good writer
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Doll is currently sick
#ღ d0ll's thoughts ღ#my throat#hurts so bad#theres so much mucus i can barely swallow#i cant take pills unless theyre very small#and sugar coated#so doll will have to raw dog it#rip
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thinking about her again
thinking about female Marc Marquez/Mar, the first woman to complete a full season in the premier class and instantly convert it into a championship, how she's the only woman on the grid but people can't even say anything to really diminish her because how can you try to explain away 8 championships and her absolute domination and success even when the bike was trying to kill her?
Thinking about how she's even more intense and insane than Marc is in real life somehow, how she's so lovely but off putting, so contradicting in how she's so animal and strong but still sweet and feminine and uncompromising in how she's a woman and she likes that. She likes being feminine and having long hair, likes dressing up in heels and gold jewellery just as much as she loves dressing up in her leathers and clothes that swallow her whole and being bloodied and sweaty. She always thought she looked at her best a little roughed up.
Thinking about how others see her. How the riders are cautious and a little disarmed causes she's all giggles and big dimpled smiles but that disappears as soon as she touches the bike and next thing they know she's past them, aggressive and hunting and always there. How having a crush on her is almost like a little right of passage for rookies. How she's still handled and touched and pushed around but there's a bit more reverence and want it. Honda and Greseni adore her. Golden Girl, goddess, they give her everything and she gives even more back. Parts of herself. Blood, sweat and tears and doubly devoted as she knows that they took a chance on her when joining Motogp as a woman and how much they did for her. How the media and the public are even more split over her, no matter what she does. How the love is fanatical, the devotion is almost religious, but the hatred so much more intense and vile and even more blatant than it is now.
How the Sepang 2015 fallout is so much worse.
#motogp#fem marc marquez#rule 63#marc marquez#female marc marquez#thinking thoughts#she's insane and dangerous but so lovely#might write a full fic#im actually going insane#I downloaded face app and went a little overboard omg#she's taking over my brain and she's not even real#she's so Carmen by Lana Del Rey like#the boys the girls#they ALL like Carmen/Mar#these are just raw thoughts that will probably be refined more later but I need to feed the brain worm so bad#mar
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Adding up to that Severus has a not-so-secret daughter au! Some good nasty drama
Since the lycanthropy is based on the AIDs and they can be passed down to offspring, let me introduce you to:
After the Prank, Severus did get infected but never went through the actual transformation, so he just carries it in his blood with some side effects (maybe he eats raw meat now and has sharper senses, who knows). But even if he's not a werewolf as such, he still has the infection in him...and his daughter is born with it, turning into a full werewolf each moon and overall suffering all the regular effects of the curse.
Just one more reason for them to dislike lupin (and the marauders in general)
I REALLY hate Lycanthropy being tied to HIV/AIDs. I know the author said so, but she says alot of things that suck, and that's one of them. It's a real stinker.
In any case, Lycanthropy isn't actually passed down from parent to child - that's a myth, perpetuated by the fact so few Werewolves ever have children. Remus was worried - but its just another point on his list of "things he is anxious about that aren't real/don't matter as much as he thinks they do" He has nothing to fear about sex. He would have more to fear about kissing - but even then, that isn't how Lycanthropy works.
It doesn't change your genes. Its a magical disease - you don't become a non-human, your DNA isn't changed. You're only contagious at the Full Moon, about 12 hours a month and ONLY via saliva, not blood or sexual fluids. Even if Severus was partially infected with cursed wounds, like Bill Weasley - as he doesn't transform he cannot pass it on.
Same with HIV/AIDs. A father doesn't pass it to their child. The DNA/RNA in his sperm does not have HIV - just the fluids it is carried in. A mother can pass it down through the pregnancy, childbirth fluids or breastfeeding - but not necessarily.
In order to have a child infected with Lycanthropy Severus would need to be fully bitten by Remus and then also bite his own child - or pick up a child from somewhere that has already been bitten.
And that's cute. Why is Severus so good at brewing Wolfsbane...? He's been doing it for his daughter for years already. But I don't really see how, even if you HC that Lycanthropy can be passed down to children via the fathers DNA, that it is something to 'dislike Remus' about...? Remus wasn't a part of that prank. He was a sick boy who did everything right. He wasn't wandering around, he wasn't being reckless - he was hiding in the shack. He was as much a victim of the prank as much as Severus was.
The Ministry has shifted whether they consider Werewolves as 'Beings' or 'Creatures' for years - and in either case, whether they are considered 'people' or 'animals' - they don't have human rights. Just being found out is a danger to Remus' life.
Remus would be mortified to know he had even partially infected Severus... even more so that his Lycanthropy had been fully passed onto a child. He would be DEVASTATED. He would be torn between feeling some responsibility over the child, to teach them how to manage their condition... and wanting to run as far away as possible, hide in a hole - and die from shame.
#severus snape#remus lupin#hp#love you remus#remus my beloved#Lycanthropy#I fucking hate the specific tie to HIV I wish it would die#If lycanthropy is 'like hiv' then what the fuck is Fenrir and the majority of werewolves??? going out to purposefully infect people???#disgusting analogy - especially at the time...#ESPECIALLY taking into account queer experience in particular.#Fenrir bites children to infect them - he bit remus at 5 yrs old#if it is so directly a HIV analogy rather than simply being a magical disability... that is horrible!!!#like in particular to HIV!!! horrible to write about any illness - but for HIV it is just too raw and real and disgusting...#because thats what people THOUGHT. they thought “the queers are out here trying to make a sport of infecting our kids” like what the FUCK
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I understand that the person who obviously used chatgpt to comment on my fic probably had their heart in the right place but I genuinely would’ve preferred that they didn’t comment at all. I’ve gotten such a wide variety of comments over the years, from fully fleshed out essays that hit the character limit to wordless key smashes to “beautiful! Thanks for sharing!”. I’ve gotten heart emojis and comments in foreign languages and comments that apologize for not being eloquent or well thought out or any other variation on the theme of “not good enough” because English wasn’t their first language or because they were running late for work or because they’d stayed up until 3am finishing it. And every single time I’ve felt grateful someone took the time to read my work and type a heart emoji into that comment box and press post.
I understand why it’s intimidating to tell someone how much you love their art. I understand why that would feel vulnerable. But I was just vulnerable for 10,000 words so you could read this story. And you can’t be vulnerable long enough to tell me you liked it without using a plagiarism bot?
#it feels disrespectful for me and disrespectful to everyone else who’s taken the time to write a comment#we’re all expressing ourselves openly and genuinely and without artifice here why can’t you?#I’ve had such great and insightful conversations in the comments sections before#I’ve had people leave me one sentence comments that make me look at my own writing in a completely different way#and using chatgpt to tell me that ‘reading my work feels like taking a captivating journey’#completely strips away any and all opportunity to have any sort of dialogue#like. whatever. it doesn’t matter. but it’s still annoying.#what I love about getting comments is that you often get a raw unfiltered snapshot of what another person thought of your fic#they’re usually written right in the moment as soon as they hit the bottom of the page totally off the cuff#and they’re usually very heartfelt for that reason#which I immensely appreciate bc my fics are very heartfelt!! I don’t scrub myself out of my writing at all#so it’s just!! agh!!#I let you hear my unfiltered voice and you won’t let me hear yours?
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some stuff i did in school recently: scanned images of fabric that have been run through audacity to be glitched up with reverb and echo and such and then printed back out and embroidered! i thought it was kind of funny
here's the original fabric:
its old busted pajamas <3
#art#glitch art#embroidery thread#like i thought it was kind of funny to take a fabric. and divorce it so far from its original form (into raw data. fuck up the data)#(and then print it out on paper) but still using it like its in its original form (embroidery)#it was a lot of fun to mess around with! but i did also find it fascinating how my peers and especially my teachers#leaned into the gender roles aspect of embroidery. i understand but also they viewed it as a soft delicate thing (i dont think they)#(realized their own biases coming through) but im gonna be honest. embroidering paper. or anything in my experience. is like#violent. to me. maybe im just kind of rough. but i dunno i kept calling all the embroidered parts of the paper 'the wounds'#LOL this is violence to me <3#it can be feminine. it can be masculine. whatever you want. but the truth of the matter is it is not delicate when i do it HFJFEKDSS#i got big sweaty clumsy hands <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
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Whenever I see someone being transphobic on twt in a bridget thread i reply with three pictures of my mains: ky kiske from ac+r, ky kiske from rev 2, and ky kiske from strive.
it self selects for people who actually play the game. it’s canon that he’ll fight off transphobes with the blade. and if they actually played guilty gear they’d get the underlining messages
While it can be really funny to bully these guys back, please keep in mind that nothing you can say or do to these people will hurt them or waste as much of their time as what they say will stick with you or waste your time. It might be funny to send them a bunch of Ky pictures, but what they're doing is laughing that the only response the people they hate can give them is sending a bunch of pictures of anime boys.
The only thing that works is blocking them. They've turned being an asshole into a recreational sport and getting any sort of response in return is a victory for them.
#asks#Unfortunately I was an asshole on the internet once (not a vicious transphobe just a basic internet asshole)#I know exactly how these people function because I was there once...#When you don't take the person you're arguing with seriously it's very easy to laugh at every single thing they do#Which is what these guys are doing. It doesn't matter how well thought out the counter argument is. They don't care and they won't care#All you can hope for is that they're young and they grow out of it (I did)#I feel bad for them because I think about what led to me being like that decades ago. Are they going through the same thing?#I was like that because I was in a hopeless situation and hated myself and hated everyone else#People arguing back just proved my point that everything sucked and my hate was justified#It's an awful feedback loop. People being kind to me felt disingenuous. Why should they be kind? I hated them. They had no reason to be nic#I had to get to a point where I was willing to help myself crawl out of that pit before I let anyone else even get near me emotionally#I still remember the day when I realized I was being a fucked up little shit to everyone lol#Early June 2011. It was sunny with no clouds and there was a cool breeze. I was listening to In This Moment and I realized#'What the hell am I doing? Do I want to be like this forever? Get your shit together man'#It was a slow process from there but I did get out of it. Slowly. Very slowly.#There's a lot I did that I regret and can't ever apologize for because it was so long ago and the names and faces are gone now#Apologizing at this point would be selfish and only for my benefit anyway. I can only hope that what I did didn't hurt people permanently#Anyway. I've never talked about this on here before because it's the kinda shit that gets put on callout posts out of context#So. I am laying my naked soul bare and raw for the sake of underlining my original point: Internet trolls don't care
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I think “Art Is for Amateurs” by Jam Mechanics, featuring Bug Hunter and the Narcissist Cookbook, might be replacing “Ghost Stories” by the Narcissist Cookbook as my favorite song and I Don’t Know How To Feel Ab That
#like ghost stories takes me away to that Place yk#other plane of existence#something something sense of self#something something we are all ghost stories at the end of the day and maybe we should just aim to stay that way#BUT ART IS FOR AMATEURS IS SUCH A BANGER#IT GOES SO HARD#WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT#i’ve been listening to it on repeat#wdym ‘doweries or endowments or for the decorative towels’#wdymmmm ‘so spare a thought for the middle-man who couldn’t make anything (but bank)’#the raw EMOTION of ‘the more space you just make for the BULLSHIT’#and ‘and I’m all in man this is all that I know how to do’#different emotions#both raw as /shit/#this song is the only thing on my mind always#it’s taking over my life#and putting a pen in my hand and pushing me to get back to work#bc goddammit#art is for amateurs#bug hunter#the narcissist cookbook#jam mechanics#ghost stories#this song slaps#both songs are amazing#ghost stories will forever be my first True Love#my gateway drug lmao#but new personal life anthem just dropped
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Hrrmmmm trying to think of how I'm going to go about building my new bg3 OCs. Do I just. Make up a little backstory for them separate from game canon? Do I...go completely balls to the wall and develop them to an insane degree before the events of the game? Knowing myself, I'm going to likely be infused with the hyperfixation any minute now and be lost in the sauce
I've picked their ships already it's just. it's going to be inch resting trying to develop my companions with my OCs in such a way that's still canon (has no idea what theyre doing).
Because look, Callistus is my very competent and quiet high elf ranger boy. He loves kids, has a zest for life under the calm exterior, smiles easily but is a little shy. I think it would be delightful to pair him with the vampire for reasons of sweet shy boy with the (seemingly) edgy and very troubles Astarion. He sees that vampire and goes "oh you need some loving. Thank god im the right man for the job." Do u see my vision
I'm thinking about making a lady, perhaps a half drow sorcerer who is so grumpy, just a complete thundercloud. Aaaaand predictable little old me is going to smush her up against Karlach because oh my god that would be adorable. Big, tough, smiley lady with small, grumpy lady, I die. The little grump getting attached to the one person who can make her smile and blush without fail. Mayhaps I'll call her Arien, or Ari for short.
And of course I need another boy because I want to smush somebody up against Gale, that big nerd. Powerful educated bookish man needs........someone bordering on downright dastardly who will slowly open up and soften up oooooohhhhh. A rogue? A chaotic neutral rogue......who immediately likes Gale and goes "Oh shit I gotta be nice if I wanna be with this man." He needs an H name me thinks. Helthros has a nice ring to it. But I also feel an L name. Larkspell keeps coming to mind.
#fuck it wii ball#there we go friends there's my oc building thought process in action#no editing not take backsies no proofreading just raw unfiltered oc rambles#should i tag this#probably#so people can filter this stuff if they prefer#bg3 spoilers#aaaaand oc tags for now#oc: callistus#oc: arien#oc: helthros#media: gaming#game: bg3
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Sometimes I wonder why cold symptoms always get worse in the evenings there has to be a logical explanation for that
#i need to know#i might have only choosen the biology major because I had no other choice but i do genujnely think the human body is a fascinating object#we should not exist there is no reason we should exist but here we are and here we are exactly the way we are isn't that funny?#it's such a silly body too what you're telling me I could produce an entirely new person in here#but one falsely mutated cell that brances out and has a personal problem with me specifically can kill me in a year or less?#that doesn't seem right.#if you think about it children are a little bit like cancer actually#i won't be opening that can of worms actually lets keeo that locked away in zhe cupboard#oh yeah and you can inherit the murder cell mutation because of course you can#and then we came up with thousands of ways to cure thousands of ailments and what did we do we put them behind a paywall#come onnnnnn where's the fun in that#we have this cool stuff why do you not let us use the cool stuff#i don't do meds on principle if I have anything I jusz sit that out raw and painful but hey it's not my place to tell others to do it my way#i just don't like the thought of building up a resistance against stuff so I just take my ibuprofen if there really is no way to function#without them anymore#luckily that's not the case a lot of times#i can work fine with the headaches they're just annoying#make the head foggy and words take a second to comprehend and the light hurts but i can work with it#have you ever had two kinds of headache atbthe same time thazs an experience#dealing with a tensuoj headache and then also the clogged nose headache is. it sure is something#you don't know where exactly it hurts and it's not so bad that you have to lie down but then you hold your head the wrong way#and Boom a bomb goes off up there#fascinating stuff#how did I even get here
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