#so she assumes that your intentions are malicious because that is what has always happened to her

[trappedinafantasy37]

I went to a very old save of mine in which I knocked out Minthara in Act 1 and I talked to her again in the throne room. If you knocked her out, this is how she looks at you when she questions you:

She seems genuinely disturbed over your actions. Can you blame her? You were the one who knocked her out. You brought her harm for reasons that she cannot understand. She can understand someone killing her as that is what she expects of those around her. She will criticize your choice of sparing an enemy and showing mercy to someone you have greater reason to kill. Even though she has doubts about you, she shuts herself down, thinking she should be more grateful rather than doubtful of you.

You can tell her that you saw her as a potential ally, but she will call you a hypocrite as Gut and Ragzlin were not shown the same mercy, nor was any other True Soul.

You can even tell her, "You were simply too stubborn to die" as a means of trying to take any culpability off yourself. To try to turn the situation into a little jokey joke. However,

Minthara does not take it as a compliment and she knows you are full of shit. Even though you took the "good" path, she does not trust you.

Minthara understands mercy and even she believes some people are deserving of it. Sadly, she does not see herself as one of those people and is disturbed as to why you gave her mercy. There is no answer you can give her here that will make her trust you. She knows you went out of your way to spare her and only her, and that frightens her.

Remember, this is not the first time in which Minthara's entire army was killed right from underneath her and she was deliberately left as the sole survivor. Orin slaughtered all of her men in a blink of an eye, and Orin's "mercy" only brought her pain and torture. Later down the road, Minthara criticizes herself for not paying more attention to Orin when she first arrived at Moonrise. And so she is giving you a lot of attention, she is watching you, studying you, because she fears that you are going to hurt her the moment she takes her eye off you. Because you already have. Your "mercy" gave her a concussion, your deception had her found guilty of incompetence, and she was then subjected to even more torture by the Absolute in which she was given permanent brain damage. She is afraid that the only reason that you spared her, is because you want to torture her. Even when you show up in Moonrise and enter into her mind prison, she is expecting you to kill her and begs you do it quickly. She is not expecting mercy from you, only death. She is only in that predicament because of you. Why would she think for a single second that your mercy comes from a place of good intentions?

She knows fully well that she owes her life to you and that her life is entirely at your mercy, one you can revoke at any time. She doesn't trust you, she doesn't trust the rest of the companions, but she cannot leave nor walk away. There is no good way out of this for her and she's afraid of the cycle repeating. She is not going to make the same mistake again. Instead of her oath to you being from a place of affection, her oath to you comes from a place of fear.

[ironwoodprotectionsquad]

While I’d love to hear six hours of discussion, perhaps we can hear your top 10 reasons you like Ironwood? Don’t want you to lose your voice after all my fellow Dadmiral friendo

Look I stream for 6 hours straight some days but that’s beside the point lolz. Also sorry this took so long. Life has been a thing.

1. James feels…human. I know the point of characters in stories is to make them feel alive and to immerse you into the world I know. But stay with me there are just little details like James adjusting his tie and little laughs at R/WBY’s antics that just make him feel more real.

2. James is strong. And not just in the physical sense but the emotional one. Between him in volume 3 holding it together despite the world falling apart around him and him taking on all of Atlas and Mantles hatred and vitriol while trying to protect them is incredible. Everyone hates him despite him trying his best and it’s both incredible and heartbreaking to see.

3. James is compassionate. I am not even slightly referring to volume 8 that bullshit is not canon at all just no. After watching Yang with his own eyes break (who he thought) was an innocent students leg unprovoked after the match ended and his aura was down, he believed her when she said she saw him attack first. He assumed the best of her even when all evidence showed that she was being malicious. Or in volume 4 when Weiss accidentally summoned a Grimm that attacked someone, he stood up for her or after Ruby failed to stop Cinder in volume 3 (? Or 2 can’t remember for sure) and he told her she did well and she took action which is what huntresses do. He is strict but he shows kindness to people.

4. He’s kind of silly sometimes. He’s normally very strict so it makes his funny moments stand out more. Like when he laughs when the girls admit they stole an airship or when he grins at Winters comment about how he couldn’t pay her to smile for the cameras.

5. He’s not a good public speaker. Now I can hear you say “but wait, he speaks publically all the time and while yes he does, he also does the equivalent of error 404 when things don’t go exactly as he mentally prepared beforehand and we see this in volume 7.

When the girls don’t react at all to his announcement that they’re all huntresses now he just freezes because this man needs to preplan everything and he did not have a plan b prepared and panics and it’s so relatable I adore it so much.

6. He’s awkward. While similar to the last point, people can suck at public speaking and still be able to converse well with people in a smaller setting but sometimes James seems to even be a little awkward even in less formal moments.

7. In early volumes he was allowed to make mistakes and still be a good person. I like it when characters are allowed to make a mistake and still be seen as a good guy. People make mistakes and screw up but that doesn’t make said person evil. Sometimes we can’t fix something or stop a bad thing from happening or even make a decision that winds up causing more problems. But the intention of the decision is the important thing. James wanted to protect people in volumes 2 and 3 so he brought his army because he had a feeling Salem was up to something. Cinder used said army to cause even more chaos but at the time the narrative refused to demonize him for this and allowed people to understand what his intentions were. That’s way more compelling than the narrative twisting itself to try and somehow prove the mains are always correct and never make mistakes. Learning and growing make stories interesting.

8. James is willing to make the tough decisions. Time and time again we see James making really difficult calls to try and navigate a war that most people don’t even know they’re fighting. He makes the plans to transfer Ambers Aura to keep it from Cinder. He pulled his armies from the other kingdoms to try and maintain peace, he decided to focus on Amity instead of the wall to try and restore global communication, he decided to try and save who he could when he was put between a rock and a hard place. He made the tough calls and stuck by his decision and that is admirable.

9. James trusts people. After James’s talk with Glynda she took his advice to heart and was more open and honest with people. When Winter tells him something is going on at Haven, he takes her word for it. When Ruby and co lie to his face he trusts their word. He trusts Yang when she says she saw Mercury attack her first during the Vytal Festival. (Despite what the narrative tries to tell us) James gives people the benefit of the doubt and is willing to trust people.

10. James is an incredible fighter even without a typical offensive Aura. Pretty self explanatory but James is able to go toe to toe with some dangerous adversaries and hold his own despite not having a special “super power” like everyone else does. Or even a special weapon really he kicks ass with just a pair of guns and that is so badass of him lolz.

And a bonus more meta point because I want to talk about this so there. But one thing I loved about Ruby and James’s volume 7 fallout is that we can see exactly how and why each of them made the decision they did during that breakdown. On one had we have Ruby who is full of hope still and sees the best in the world. She lost her friends and is still dealing with the trauma of that and doesn’t want to ever lose anyone else again or let people suffer a loss like she did during the fall of Beacon. On the other we have James who is equally traumatized from Beacon but in a very different way. He did his best to fight back against Salem and it was in the end used against him and caused even more pain and suffering. He’s terrified of going toe to toe against Salem again and wants to protect what he knows he can until he knows they are able to take on Salem. It’s realistic and painful and neither side is really a perfect option. It’s a bad situation and we can see how the characters respond to it and it feels in character and real and I wish that we got to see that writing continue into volume 9.

Sorry again for how long this one took! As I said life’s been all over the place and chaotic and it still is but I got a burst of motivation so I decided to finally type this out.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

The Arcana HCs: How the M6 lose their temper

Julian

There's a reason the developers said his cardinal sin would be wrath

The only kind of thing that would make him lose his handle on his anger like that would be someone who doesn't value human life

He's not the most physically strong dude, but he didn't survive pirate ships on sheer luck

He's using every weapon at his disposal and that's not limited to whatever swords, scalpels, or leeches he has on hand

Nobody knows how to sway a crowd to his side like he does and he will use that

He'll be bellowing at the top of his lungs, listing every infuriating thing there is to know about this person and exactly what consequences he thinks they should suffer

And because he's good at getting people to listen to him, you can bet he'll drum up a mob of rioters in no time

People aren't afraid of what Julian personally will do to them if he's properly angry, they're afraid of what he'll unleash in the form of every person in earshot

Assuming you spend the rest of your life with him, you'll only see this happen a few times, and each time is easily justifiable

He is one of the most forgiving people by nature. Once justice is done, he'll be right back to his usual self like nothing happened

Asra

It's no secret that they can hold a grudge

He's not the type to harbor ill intent either, malice isn't really his thing, he's got other stuff to focus on

What sets them off is when someone acts selfishly, casting disproportionate harm on other people either for one's own gain or to escape earned consequences

You won't know the moment his temper snaps by his actions, you'll know it by his face

They will be completely closed off. Their only interest will be doing right by the people who were harmed, and making sure the person harming them is incapable of continuing that behavior

He will pursue that end by the most efficient means. If that involves great harm to the person who has angered him, he'll do it. If it involves no harm to the person who has angered him, he'll do it

They lose their temper when they lose any care for the person who crossed their line

This kind of reaction takes a long time to build and a long time to resolve

If you see it coming, you can ask him to talk about it and express his frustration, which will make it easier for him to forgive the wrongdoer if a good opportunity arises

If not, they will never view that person as a worthy human being again

Nadia

She is the definition of feminine rage, you do not want to make her angry

Thankfully, that is a very difficult thing to do

She is one of the most open minded people you'll ever speak to, if there is a set of actions or beliefs that she doesn't vibe with, she'll still seek out the reasoning behind them before she passes judgment

She loses her temper when she sees someone target another person for purely petty and malicious reasons

Someone at the palace kept making vicious remarks about her loved ones because they felt insecure around them? It's over

You could try to insult her ego by calling her petty, but it goes far beyond that if she's truly angry

Every ounce of intellect, drive, and influence she has will be painstakingly strategized into the most effective way to tear someone apart piece by tiny piece

First it's the rumor she influenced Portia to plant. Then it's a missed pay raise. Then it's an increase in rent. It's a never ending stream of situations in which the quality that person was insecure about is on full display. None of it can be traced back to her but she's the only one you know capable of it

She will stop when she either sees her target truly remorseful for their sins, or recognizes the viciousness of her own actions

Muriel

It is highly unlikely that you'll ever see his anger become so dominating that he succumbs to it

He is much more complex and introspective guy than a lot of people give him credit for. His anger is always tied to something more intricate

He's angry about his time in the Coliseum, but he's also betrayed and deeply ashamed and regretful. He's angry about the fate of his parents, but he's also grieving bittersweetly for a community and an identity he thought he'd never have

As a result, you're more likely to see him focusing on the nuance and complexity of the situation and reacting to that instead

It's easiest to tell when he's angry at someone because it's one of the only times he won't try to avoid somebody for a reason that's not positive

If he's hurt or frustrated by someone, he'll avoid them because that's how most people tended to make him feel anyway (before half the city designated him their hero)

But if he's truly, deeply infuriated, he'll come out of whatever space he likes to keep to to ensure that the wrongdoer faces justice

Which requires a wrongdoer causing injustice to more people than just himself

You rarely see him act in anger but it's justifiable each time

He doesn't like confrontation at all, as soon as he is capable of focusing on a different emotional element he's doing that

Portia

She's less of a schemer and more of a "talk with your fists" type of woman

She probably has the healthiest relationship with her own anger of anyone you know, mainly because she doesn't hide or avoid or bottle it up

Her brother crossed a line? Punch to the gut. Someone kept snarking at work when there wasn't time for that? Whack upside the head. A creep was rude or intrusive? Slap across the face

One of the wonderful things about being with her is that you'll never be in the dark about how she feels

Because she's so in tune with expressing her own rage, it's extremely uncommon for it to get the best of her to the point that she's actually lost her temper

That would only happen if the thing that made her so angry was also something she had no solution for and was at the mercy of

Then her response isn't about expressing an emotion, it's a fury-driven obsession with proving that thing wrong or taking back control from it, and everything she is and has will be poured into it nonstop with ferocious intensity

And she won't stop until she's either achieved that goal or until you or someone else has shown her why the initial challenge was baseless

She'll be tired afterwards, but she'll also be herself again and that's what really matters

Lucio

Tantrums. It's canon.

He had tantrums over the things that upset him so often that Vesuvians were putting on plays about it years after his death

Walking through his past with him resolved a lot of that behavior because it became clear that most of his anger was a defensive response to overwhelming fear

Now most of the time he feels one brewing, he knows to talk about it with you or someone he trusts so the fear that causes it can be dealt with

He still indulges every now and then if it's trivial, you know well enough not to be bothered and it's cathartic to let it all out

You'll know he's really, truly angry when he goes silent

This is only likely to happen when someone infringes on something he values very deeply

This is the Lucio that took a fiendish delight in the most violent parts of battle, who abused emotional connections to see more blood in the sand, whose best form of thanks was lifelong imprisonment and isolation, who didn't think twice before sacrificing countless lives for his own gain, who made deals with the Devil

You're the only one who can snap him out of it

He will feel bitter remorse for his reaction, and will take appropriate steps to forgive and to ask for forgiveness

[ask-spooky-manor]

What are everyone’s opinions on physical touch? For example, I don’t really like people touching me because it “hurts”, but some people can with permission, and one very special person doesn’t need to ask my permission, (within reason, obviously I mean nothing inappropriate.)

Gonna write these as headcanons cause I actually have a lot to say lol

Going from most touch adverse to most physically affectionate.

EJ: Strongly dislikes physical contact. It’s just always something he hated, especially if it happens without his consent like someone suddenly putting a hand on his shoulder. There are rare times where he can cuddle up with Natalie, but he needs to be the one to initiate it.

Ben: Also not a fan mainly due to sensory issues. As anon said, this actually applies to Ben as they occasionally find even the simplest touch painful. That’s not always the case and unlike Jack, they’re fine if someone were to like suddenly pat their back or give a hug or something.

Slender: It’s less that he dislikes physical touch and more he worries how someone else would feel about touching him. His body was morphed because of a curse, and he doesn’t like how monstrous he looks. He’s anxious and self conscious and assumes someone would be disgusted with having some sort of physical contact with him. (He has grown a little touch starved because of it).

Tim: He’s not the most physically affectionate person. Do not expect him to offer a hug or lean his head on your shoulder or what have you. He is, however, used to receiving a lot of physical affection. Brian is always leaning against him in some way, and Toby tends to cling onto Tim like a koala. His step siblings have also always been handsy but more in a way to annoy him like shoving him or pinching his arm. The point is that touch no longer bothers him, but he’s not quick to do it himself.

Sally: She’s the opposite of Tim in the fact that she loves to give a lot of physical affection but can occasionally be a bit hesitant on receiving it. The important rule is that someone can’t just hold her hand or give her a hug. They need to wait and see if she’s okay with the contact, which she normally is. She’s a kid who has a lot of love to give, but also one you need to remember to be a little cautious with.

Natalie: She’s honestly just chill when it comes to both giving and receiving affection. Like Tim, it comes from the fact that her two best friends are incredibly physically affectionate, so she’s used to it. How much she’s willing to give is based on the person tbh. With someone like EJ, she understands his dislike of touch so she’s very hands off. With someone like Toby, she can be as huggy and cuddly as him.

Jeff: He doesn’t seem to realize this about himself, but Jeff seems to be the kind of guy who always needs to be leaning against someone or holding their hand or just have contact with them in some way. It’s never really obvious. Like when he and Nat are on the couch and leaning against each other, or when he rests his legs over Ben’s lap while the two are playing a game together. It’s just this unconscious desire to be having contact with someone he cares about.

Jane: Similar to Jeff, a blasphemous thing to say. Only difference is she’s more conscious about it. She actively is one to reach out to pat your hand or back. She’s also a kisser as in she simply likes to give cheek kisses. It’s how people great each other in Mexico sometimes, so she’s more accustomed to that. Obviously won’t do it if the other person isn’t okay with it.

Brian: Also similar to Jeff and Jane in the fact that he’s naturally a touchy person. As mentioned, he leans on Tim a lot. He also likes to put his arm around people’s shoulders as kinda like a way to show that he’s there if the person needs them. He’s also one of the few who tends to accidentally overstep boundaries. Not out of any malicious intent obviously but more from him not noticing how touchy he is with others. He will back off once it’s brought up.

Nina: Good lord, this girl is extremely affectionate. Sometimes it’s to the annoyance of others (Jeff). Like Brian, she has a bad tendency to overstep but will back off when told to. The difference is she really likes showing affection through touch and forgets not everyone feels the same way. She’s a big hugger. It’s how she greets all of her friends. If she doesn’t hug you that’s how you know she doesn’t like you.

Toby: Finally there’s Toby who needs physical contact with someone at all times or he will die! Tim is the receiver of most of these interactions from hugs to cuddles to sitting in his lap to, again, being clung onto like a koala. He’s not the only one. Toby is like that with Jeff, Nat, Brian, Jane, Slender, even people who are supposed to be the enemy but dammit he needs that hug! He was someone who was extremely touch starved only to learn what he was missing, and now it’s like he’s making up for lost time.

[achaotichuman]

Hiii! I'm Andras Anon, back again! This time for a short time, because I was thinking about Rhysand and Tamlin past, about the death (murder) of their families and... I couldn't remember well the details and since I don't really want to pick up the books to search when they talk about it (I'm not ready to suffer again lol), I was wondering if you remember why didn't Rhysand kill Tamlin? The one who was "responsable" for the death of his mother and sister? Unless there's more to it, bc, If I remember correctly even him doesn't fault Tamlin 100%, it's Feyre who really jumps the gun there lol (and I kind of remember that when Tamlin talked about it he had a different take on the events, another retcon?)

What I remember is -> Rhysand & Tamlin became friends (THE DAGGERS AAA) -> Tamlin tells (?) his father and brothers about the location of Rhys's mothers & sister, they kill them -> Rhysand & Father kill Tamlin's family -> Tamlin becomes HL & kills BatKing, Rhysand becomes HL -> ??? I don't remember anything after this, like blank state ahaha

But, why didn't Rhysand (since he hates Tamlin so much) kill him? Why didn't they kill him before? Because Rhysand knew it wasn't his fault (but still hate/can't forgive him?) / Because he couldn't (if I see another person saying "He is the strongest HL" where? give me proof since he really can't do anything on his own) / other reason that I don't remember?

In my heart I know that SJM is planning for the Friends to Lovers to Enemy to Lovers again, so she really can't kill him, ahahaha

Jokes aside (not really), I wanted to ask your opinion and pov about this? If you like and it's not a bother of course! In the meantime I wish you a good day/night! ♥

Oooooooooohhhh yes yes yes!!! I love this question!!!

Okay so you’re pretty spot on with the series of events. It was Tamlin and Rhysand were bffs - Tamlin supposedly reveals the location of Rhysand’s mother and sister to his brothers and father- They go and kill them and send their heads down the river for Rhysand and his father to find- Rhysand and his father immediately go and kill Tamlin’s father, mother and brothers- Tamlin kills Rhysands father- Suddenly they’re both High lords.

My biggest issue with this series of events is when you look at the spot where Tamlin went and revealed the location of Rhysand’s mother and sister, Rhysand isnt actually there to witness what happened. Then later they find his mother and soster dead because they found the bodies. No one was around to tell them who killed them. I imagine theyre must have been some kind of tell tale sign, like a branded signal, in the same way Thysand branded the faeries head he left in Spring under Amarantha’s reign. Or maybe even a letter stating who did it. In any case Rhysand has no clear way of knowing that it was Tamlin who revealed the location. The only thing he has to go off of is assumption.

Saying Rhysand assumed Tamlin revealed the location is not a long shot given that Rhysand himself and Feyre tend to very very quickly jump to conclusions. And it ties in really nicely if this is the case because it stands to say that Rhysand didnt kill Tamlin because he felt guilty for doing so, as he has no real way of knowing if he was truly involved in the effort or not. Plus Rhysand had said that he “was tired of all the death” so it’s easy to say he couldn't bring himself to kill Tamlin because of guilt.

What also I believe supports my theory is Tamlin’s overall personality and his actions throughout the series. Tamlin slowly became more and more unhinged (I believe due to poor writing on SJM’s part) but one thing is consistent and that he is not a malicious man or a liar. If one thing has to show for Tamlin’s good nature it’s that he always has good intentions.

Plus we know that Tamlin loathed his brothers and father with all of his heart and wanted to be better than them, so it’s unlikely he would hand over any information willingly to them.

All this to say I believe Rhysand just assumed Tamlin told them, but felt that was too rocky a theory at the time he could have killed Tamlin. And throughout his life this ‘truth’ has become even more solidified in his mind which is why he says it with such certainty to Feyre.

Anyway, this is just my two cents, but thank you for the question, I very much enjoy talking about this topic!!!

[bunshr00m]

i love ddlc+ because it puts even more perspective as to why characters act the way they do in the original game. i especially loved the insight into natsuki and yuri. we just assumed that natsuki was just angry all the time for no reason, right? the fact her father abused her does also explain her abrasive language as thats probably how she's used to being spoken to, but ddlc+ made me realize how she is very rarely malicious deliberately, and the fact that she is genuinely bad with social cues. normally people would think of yuri when it comes to a lack of social awareness, but i'm telling you, they both have it, they just act in different ways.

i love how natsuki and yuri are two sides of the same coin. yuri is bad with social cues and typically responds in embarrassment when she misses them, meanwhile natsuki responds in anger. however, even though they seem so different, their behaviour is actually similar. they both hide true parts of themselves out of self esteem issues, prohibiting themselves from talking about their passions if they come across as "too intense" or "childish". though yuri's most common reaction to rejection is self-blame, at least on the surface, she does show anger occasionally because deep down, she feels like she should have a right to be herself just as much as natsuki does, she just typically defaults to a flight response rather than a fight one.

i think them being so similar is why they tend to bring out the worst in each other. a funny difference between the girls' routes in ddlc is that either natsuki or yuri will suggest writing poems about the same subject to the other, and the other will suspect them of doing it to show off, because they don't trust each other enough to think either of them had pure intentions. when really, they did, they just reached each other in a state where the other is not ready to trust (because the trauma from feeling like their personalities are wrong and should be changed makes trust hard!!) right person, wrong time, even.

i'm sprinkling in some of my own headcanons/theories here but i think natsuki probably has ptsd due to the way she's constantly on high alert to defend herself, she always assumes that she's being personally attacked, and it takes a lot to settle her down, probably because she *does* get attacked at home and it creates a sense of panic in her when she senses that happening in whats supposed to be her safe place. as for yuri, ddlc+ pretty much convinced me that she's on the autism or add spectrum, maybe both. she seems to have rejection sensitive dysphoria along with her missing many social cues and being easily overstimulated.

i used to dislike yuri quite a bit because i found her hypocritical and didn't understand why she was polite one second, then arguing intensely the next. i felt more sympathy for her when i realized that like all humans, she gets overwhelmed having to hold in how she feels and is hyprocritical in her arguments because her emotions run so high that she can't think straight when hurt, it becomes all about how she feels because selfishness is a mechanism to protect herself from pain. with how uncomfortable she gets being referred to as "the smartest" she probably feels like the club has an expectation of her which she is afraid to break, so she conforms until she can't take it and lashes out when provoked.

natsuki and yuri's arguments are literally just them riling each other up without realizing because they're both thinking "i'm literally just being myself what is your problem" when really they've been hurting each other on a personal level without even knowing how personal their insults are, because to them, t's just their opinions, and they are bad at expressing them carefully.

anyway i love these silly sweeties who don't know how to communicate

[somnimouse]

I don’t want to be harassed by Vinca and my memory is fuzzy but she used to identify as white/white passing and made/reblogged a lot of posts where it was clear she felt guilty for that. I’m glad shes been able to embrace her mixed heritage but it’s really weird to see her claiming that any criticism of her is anti-black. Like I’ve seen photos of her she is not ambiguously white passing she straight up just looks white so for her to use that as a way to get money and clout chase feels really gross especially since she seems to be integrating herself with other POC who actually face discrimination based on their looks.

Idk what to do I guess it’s just a matter of time until she deletes all her blogs again and starts anew in a fresh community like always.

Hey, thank you for your ask! A few others have come forward to me and mentioned seeing that information as well in the past.

Racial identity and the difficulties that come with being half of different races isn't something I can discuss myself because I'm neither half nor Black, but passing privilege also exists in the context of skin color and gender, the latter being something I can talk about.

My own lack of passing privilege in gender has net me years of transmisogyny from both cis people and now Vinca because my "fem-leaning" is apparently not fem enough, no matter if I identified as transfem or not in the past, and I therefore cannot reclaim the slurs and mention my experiences. It is gender essentialist truscum rhetoric and goalpost-shifting. If one is very much white-passing, they should understand the impact of privilege no matter the context.

Unfortunately, the main issues we have in the incident happening right now aren't the labels or passing privileges themselves, but the fact that they're used to dismiss other trans POC and farm emotional supply. This is a common tactic to garner sympathy and avoid all accountability of one's actions and the hurt they cause. No matter what they've done, people with self-serving and malicious intentions will dismiss everything with, "I'm marginalized, so you criticizing me is bigoted! If you're marginalized and have personally experienced it, no you didn't because you're not marginalized enough!" It's a surefire way to generate dishonest outrage, abuse victims, earn money, take advantage of the kindness of others, and play wounded gazelle all at once. Combined with virtue-signalling and grandstanding, it's just a mess of emotional vitriol.

That said, Vinca is not someone who responds to logic or reason, and assumes silencing her victims by slandering them as racists or transmisogynists, downplaying her own actions and privilege, and utilizing ad hominem and constant harassment can obscure the truth, even when it's corroborated from many people in the community who aren't even friends with each other. It's to protect her sense of self-perception and feel vindicated in lashing out at the perceived injustice in her life. But because this is a recurring cycle, it will only be a matter of time before she hurts someone else in her current community with her behavior, accuses them of bigotry to absolve herself of accountability, and moves on to escape, just as she did before. Nothing you can do about it.

Either way, I've already said my piece with all of the information listed in the reblogs of Z's and Robin's posts to clarify the pattern and exact nature of Vinca's actions. I can't force her to listen to logic and self-reflect if she fully believes she's morally right, no matter how many unhinged DMs she sends me. It's better to wash your hands of it, Anon, and support her victims.

[sheprzia]

Imagine you were born disoriented. It takes years just to get your right and left down let alone being able to read a circular clock.

Your mom is separated from your dad, never married. You don't know it but she does highly addictive drugs that make her serious mental problems even more serious.

Your sisters turn on you every chance you get because you're an oblivious and easy target. You assume everyone has your best intention at heart so you don't see they are being malicious.

The constant yelling, screaming, beatings, and cruel punishments leave you with no sense of security.

The insults and constant misunderstandings of who you are cause you to fracture and never develop a base identity.

People say reach inside yourself and it's like your hand going through a ghost because you see and feel nothing there.

Yet you are. You are observable to other people and you dont know how much so.

You are in a poor family with used clothes that don't fit. You always smell from stress and often an inability to care for yourself due to the fact that even going to shower will increase the probability of a scary or dangerous situation.

All you want is to be known. To be seen. But also you don't want to be seen.

There's a constant struggle that makes you awkward and unnatural to others.

Then when you are seen it is grossly obviously that you aren't meant to be there. Like you had walked into the wrong school.

You didn't know how to interact. No one had ever taken the time to show you and you are sensitive and hyper aware due to everything going on at home.

Kids sense the difference. Smell the difference. See the difference. Hear the difference and while once in a great while someone takes interest, most find you creepy and annoying. Some even go so far as to sabotage and hurt you. And even when that didn't happen there was always a air of, 'what are you doing here?' 'you are unwelcome.'

You continue to be oblivious. The abuse at home makes you feel like this is the natural result of being you. This is who you are and it's your fault and everyone hates you for it- but at the same time you know it isn't your fault.

You were just a baby and didn't have any opportunity to grow.

Your father was just as bad. Most interactions were threatening or creepy. You always felt cornered. You always felt that he was a predator - even as young as you can possibly remember. In your body you knew he was bad.

As young as four at least you can remember the confusion and disorientation as he bounces you on his lap- but not like everyone else did. Like he was stimulating himself in some sick way. And when he came to check in on you at night you didn't feel protected. You felt like something was going to happen to you.

There was no safe place so you stayed small and sensitive. As a mental child you continued begging for that in which you should have gotten then.

As a woman, you eventually find men want a piece of you. Physically. They couldn't give a damn how you feel enough to do anything about it.

Your body and mind were violated at every turn.

The toll was taken and you stopped being able to even try. You think you will just end your life so many times meanwhile you are reaching out for people.

People you know. Strangers online. Your abusers. You are always begging for care and security.

You get into so many relationships with people. You think someone has to care enough but even when you're being actively abused they just get mad at you for upsetting them with your sad fucked up life.

You are alone. Even when you do get out. Even when you have someone with you. Even if you're with multiple people.

You start to get sicker and sicker with people until you can't force yourself to do it anymore.

You center men in your lives and trust them with everything you have because you know that you can not manage on your own. You have not been able to heal. You still have not been able to be heard, understood, and felt. You don't hold on to what happened but the pain does not leave you.

You can't forgive the helplessness. The neglect. The misunderstandings.

You forgive the person a million times but these things still have effected you.

You choose to change. To work on yourself. You start to see progress but the progress but you know it won't last when you know you are still helpless.

A lot of people promise to be there and protect you.

All of them lay their hands on you. Ignore your suffering. Leave you alone to dust yourself off.

You don't feel you can trust or rely on anyone. You can't rely on yourself either. You know that you always try to be rational and logical, objective, empathetic- you do so much emotional labor for others because you know they won't do it for themselves and your hightened empathy means you care so much-- so so so so SO MUCH.

It took you a long long time to start thinking of your own needs instead of constantly just trying to suit another- but. .. you still can't care for yourself. you still need help. You are always greatful to help when you can do you think naturally if you do your best others will too-

And that works... Kind of. You help bring people up and you love that but you still aren't being taken care of. You are still being disrespected and hurt.

You had pushed yourself so hard from not being able to get yourself out of bed to getting things done every day-- fighting excuses to better yourself.

You're stronger for trying so hard. For taking action. For forcing yourself on your terms.

But still nothing is better for you. The person who says you are the day and the night to them is still making excuses even though you had made all this progress.

You know you and them would have never made it this far if you hadn't made changes and continuously worked on your mindset but they are being stubborn.

They refuse to sacrifice and work properly and makes everything as miserable as possible. Instead of taking your example and trying to uplift each other they just made you drag your weight and theirs.

Sure. They will say things like, 'i never asked you to do that' and you see the disrespect in that. Of course you had to do what you did or it would not have gotten done.

You put your faith in this person at every turn but they continue with their dusty attitudes of 'i will' and 'im trying' instead of being a reliable no nonsense no excuses kind of person that you value and are trying to be yourself.

You love them. You want them with all your heart... But you are growing smarter than your heart. You have to take into account your position as someone who is vulnerable and that person's likelihood of coming through for them into account....

Then you hear a phrase.

"Men don't try to fix woman. They just get a new woman."

You want to cry. You want to laugh. This was the truest thing you had ever heard.

No one had ever tried to help you change. Yet you tried to go out of your way in all kinds of ways to help every single person who has ever been in your life- even to your detrament at times.

You always choose to see the value in others and thrive on their potential.

You're seeing your only chance at life is going down the drain.

You're the only one you've ever known to try this hard for people who didn't take care of you and often abused you.

This made you stronger. This made you more kind and understanding. You don't regret it, but you're seeing that you are taken for a fool at every turn.

You're tired of waiting for change. You have such willingness as asked of you and yet no actions are taken. No new knowledge is aquired.

You are tired of waiting.

You don't even know if it will be worth it because they had only shown up for you a few times.

You accepted behavior that you would have blocked many for less.

You are done dealing with it.

You will not handle how you are treated any more.

You will be treated right or you will go look for someone who will because you know you deserve better.

You have been willing to deal with everything just to be with someone who can't complete simple tasks without emoting in ways that make everyone feel bad for asking them.

You are starting to see them as a loser. You love them but they are a loser. They took all their pain and made it everyone else's problem.

If they don't change you need to commit to yourself to figure this out because they are showing daily that the only person who will care is you.

They could be broken up with and have their little sob story and go back to what they were doing before you met them and they will just call you a bitch for it. Someone like that has not shown they have your back.

You need to be shown it now.

You gave away all your trust and understanding for free before to anyone who asked for it but you are putting your foot down.

You are tired of loosing people but you can not be scared to go. As long as you sit around scared to leave you will be taken advantage of and nothing will change.

A man will not change for you. You are not a good enough reason for them to care.

You shouldn't have bothered with one that needs changing anyways. No one invests in a lame limbed horse.

Love is becoming less important to you the more you realized how fucked you are.

Your partner acts completely blind to the fact that they have a family, they have a job, they have friends, they have security.

You are not protected and they are not protecting you. They are not doing all they can do.

You are seeing that them looking up mental resources a couple times is not lasting change and for as long as there is more time spent on temperary coping the more they areissing out on real growth and healing.

You see them waste every second. They take you for granted. You and all the love you have given.

They promise to be better but you don't know how many more times you can believe that

You're starting to think you need a way to hold them accountable for all the broken promises but then what? More complaining? More bs? Youre tired.

[sepublic]

I find it interesting how Luz’s actions have caused a LOT of trouble and embarrassment for Amity in the past. First taking her Top Student badge away, causing Amity to make a fool of herself in public... Getting her outed as an unknowing cheater at the Covention, the diary incident, stealing her training wand and getting the twins captured by the Slitherbeast... Amity losing her job (tho that was mostly her own fault too), making Amity think Luz was embarrassed by the idea of them being together, and now this whole incident with the Bonesborough Brawl being interrupted, the championship taken from her.

And it’s fascinating, because Luz HAS screwed up, a lot; But for all the grief she’s done Amity, it’s never been intentional nor really HER fault (even if she unknowingly contributed), and not only does she make up for it but... Amity understands WHY Luz did it, that it’s an honest accident and she’s not the malicious person one might assume, and most notably, Luz has done so much good for Amity as well! As Emira put it, Amity straight-up wasn’t happy before Luz, Luz is the reason she’s self-actualized and feels comfortable with who she is, healed and recovered, made connections and defeated her parents! Luz is why Amity was able to choose what SHE wanted for her life and realize what that was!

Obviously this says a lot of Amity’s saintly patience, it’d be easy to associate Luz with bad luck even if she’s acknowledged as not culpable; But also how Luz no doubt thinks of herself as a mess-up who causes problems for others, which is why she’s so insistent on helping people and keeping her own issues a solo concern; That, and the trauma of loneliness, RSD, not wanting to be a burden. That last one really hits home given it was the explicit theme of the Season 2 premiere, because Luz doesn’t want to cause trouble for her mother Camila by being herself, and she doesn’t want to cause trouble for her friends!

It’s really compelling then, that in her attempts to overcorrect and compensate, Luz paradoxically causes problems; Either immediately or eventually, due to her lack of self-care bleeding out into her relationships with others. It’s why Eda and Raine broke up after all, you can’t hide what you’re going through, or else your partner doesn’t actually know you! Luz is just so apologetic of who she is and that just worsens her issues instead of fixing them, because she needs to love herself before she can love others; And we see firsthand how a lack of self-care can mess with loved ones and people.

It also adds to their relationship; Relationships aren’t perfect. There are ups and downs, mistakes. Sure most of these mistakes were from before Luz and Amity became girlfriends, but still. Relationships take work, they take collaboration and apology, and forgiveness. You do the wrong thing, but what matters is that you try and actually attempt to make up for that. And after what we’ve seen, I think this will likely be the last time Luz causes a problem for Amity over a lack of communication; Because a lack of communication was also the reason for conflict between them.

Amity misunderstanding Luz as more malicious than she actually was, and not realizing her perspective (nor acknowledging how people like Hermonculus and Lilith were the actual problems here, not Luz). The girls taking accountability for their own mistakes, such as Amity with her harsh feelings and assumptions, her associations of Luz with trouble and harm, healthily drawing the line where Luz’s actual culpability is (Luz can’t predict every consequence that happens even if her mistake was necessary in causing them); Luz trying to be more upfront about what she meant, responsible and fix damage even if it isn’t her fault, because she’s just compassionate like that anyhow.

That ability to listen and understand Luz makes Amity able to forgive and grant her those multiple chances. And likewise, Luz has always been willing to hear Amity out from the start, you can see her guilt when Amity loses her mind over her lost star, her concern when she asks what happened to Amity at the end of her debut episode, where she was an antagonist! Luz is someone who has always wanted to know the real Amity Blight, and that’s given Amity the chance to be seen... And have her mistakes be understood, such as Amity’s general prickliness, her elitism, and the incident with Willow.

It’s just a lot that these two girls go through a lot with each other. But they forgive each other, they understand each other, even as the other apologizes and makes up for what happened. And I LOVE LOVE how Luz acknowledges that her grief over her father, while valid, doesn’t excuse how she lied to Amity. How the show validates the weight of her pain with Amity asking if Luz lied, showing it’s serious and she’s not silly for taking it that way. And Luz is hurting just as Eda was with the curse, but that’s no excuse to take it out on your loved ones, they have a right to know and Luz learns and acknowledges it!

Luz just really DOES have such an issue with denial, with repression and downplaying herself. Trying to be accommodating, thinking her problems aren’t that big a deal; After all, if Vee did just fine in the human world, clearly the issue was with Luz! And how Luz just blames herself for causing problems, which has her RSD exaggerate how people react to what she’s done, hence her misremembering Camila’s wish at the end of Yesterday’s Lie as so much harsher than it actually was. And Luz CAN be frustrating, but instead of letting that confirmation resign her to despair, Luz actually confronts the issue instead of wallowing in self-pity. She fixes her mistakes, and she’s finally learning to forgive herself over them to focus on the right thing, on reparations and healing, including for herself. Luz gets her act together.

These two girlfriends, they’re just going through it, they bring their baggage and issues to the relationship and it’s not all sunshine and rainbows; But they do get past it. Because they’re in a relationship and support each other, and take that relationship seriously. It’s such a healthy example and representation, it’s insane. And it really shows how having these other people in your life can and SHOULD be fulfilling! Luz is Trying and so is Amity. And tellingly, she never lords how she helped Amity over her GF, Luz never brags that she’s done so much for Amity nor implies that her girlfriend owes her. Which means Amity is free to take issue with things as she rightfully deserves. There’s just so much respect and trust, imperfections yet growth, this relationship and their struggles are so frank and real. Love is HARD but they’re getting through it, no matter what; Because it’s a choice and they’ve chosen, after finally being given the freedom to do so!

(But yeah I need content, canon or otherwise, of Luz just smothering Amity with love and care to make up for all of the embarrassment and pain she’s caused. Giving her compliments and supporting Amity, making her feel better and trying to make up for her shortcomings as a girlfriend, after Amity has done so much for her! But of course Amity would counter that Luz has already done everything for her, she’ll always remember things like her faith in Luz paying off in Eclipse Lake.)

[memryse]

many thoughts about Scar in Last Life

We all know Scar is one of the standouts of Last Life; he’s always been one of the key players ever since 3rd Life, driving conflicts and shaping the course of the server. His chaotic nature lends itself perfectly to 3rd/Last Life, and he seems to have only refined it in the hiatus between seasons.

In 3rd Life, Scar was more of a subjective villain. From his own perspective and Grian’s perspective, he wasn’t scary at all! The two of them were just having fun and causing problems – sure, they threatened people, but their dumb antics together made them just feel like two friends messing around; their POV was lighthearted until the final session, really. From other perspectives, however (particularly Dogwarts’ POVs), that was not how the two of them came across. They felt malicious, scary in how casually they approached such a bloodthirsty game. They’d laugh as they took lives, showing no care for anybody but themselves – they’d betray their allies in a heartbeat without an ounce of remorse, and the rest of the players knew it. Scar wasn’t someone to fear from his own POV.

Since Last Life began, however, Scar has become very openly malicious. Even watching his own POV, it’s hard to see him as anything but a villain – his own comment section is full of people commenting on how scary he suddenly seems. I want to expand on some of these villainous moments, because holy fuck, Scar.

In session 1, Scar is certainly a prominent figure, but we mostly get to see his classic silly Scar antics. Sure, he plans on “selling souls”, but it feels like the equivalent of his reputation points in S1. We still don’t get the sense of him going full villain arc yet. He allies with Joel and commits a crime, and we all expect another lighthearted Scar scam which definitely does not go to plan.

And that is what happened… sort of. He’s immediately caught by Scott and Pearl, etc etc etc. The two of them cheerfully agree a scheme to try and kill Jimmy, but that casual discussion of murder is as bad as they get.

Session 2, Scar is chosen as one of the two boogeymen, alongside Joel.

Things go decidedly not to plan immediately. The two of them had agreed last session to try and kill Jimmy, and were supposed to be trusting enough to tell each other if they’re the boogeyman – and yet what does Scar do? Immediately try and push Joel into lava. He’d betray Joel without a second thought – already a contrast to 3rdLife, where upon turning red Scar threw flowers at Grian and asked if they could still be friends. He doesn’t succeed, of course, and Scar and Joel realise they’re both boogeymen, before parting ways.

Scar heads to the nether, where he immediately decides to deceive Etho and Bdubs into thinking he’s weak and has no food, so that he can get close to them nonthreateningly or something. I’ll talk about this more later, but here we get to see what a good liar Scar actually is. People want to assume that he’s all bark and no bite, that he’s a schemer who poses no real threat – when Scar plays into this, he can be reallyconvincing.

The next big moment I want to talk about is, of course, Joel’s trap. The first thing to comment on here is that Scar cries “Joel, are you trying to kill your best buddy?!”, and I can’t work out whether this is Scar acting to diffuse suspicion, or genuine surprise that he’d pull the trap when Scar was right there, but either way it definitely has the former effect. None of the Southlanders suspect Scar in the slightest. Until Scar murders Mumbo in a matter of seconds.

What’s really horrifying about this is that Scar had been begging Mumbo to ally with him just last session. And yet here… not only does he go for Mumbo without hesitation, his reaction afterwards is downright chilling. He just laughs, and tells the others “Welcome to Magical Mountain!” – it’s really quite like a movie villain in how little he seems to care. He doesn’t actually say a word about killing Mumbo; again, despite having desperately wanted to ally with him. To Scar, this was nothing more than an opportunity. Or maybe it’s all a show to him. Maybe it’s both. Scar doesn’t actually care about winning this game – to him, it’s more fun to put on as good a show as possible, and drag as many people down with him as possible (which is definitely a “cc!Scar being a good entertainer” thing, but it translates very well into being a LL!Scar character trait too).

He then hands Joel some supplies, and with the exact same level of nonchalance, tells him to go burn Scott and Pearl’s house down. I’m… getting the sense he enjoyed burning down Etho’s castle in 3rdLife.

Not much of note happens during his subsequent conversation with the Southlanders beyond him failing an initiation spectacularly – after this, he heads back to Joel. They chat from opposite ends of a broken bridge, which is quite a poetic scene honestly, representing the gap between their lives, the destruction of their alliance, etc. I’m just here to talk about Scar’s villainous moments, though, so let me point out one specific line from this conversation.

“I did avenge you, to be fair - Mumbo, I burned him to death, which was enjoyable. I heard him cry, so it was- yeah, that was a thing.”

Just… what the fuck, Scar? What? I know he tried to push the “red lives are psychopathic and feel nothing except a small sense of happiness when people die” in 3rd Life, but this was definitely a lie or at least an exaggeration, because 3l!Scar definitely had a much wider range of emotions than that. Either way, here he doesn’t even have the excuse of being a red life; this is just active malice, pure and simple. Bdubs had a similar level of pride in his boogeyman kill, but I never got the sense that he enjoyed it like Scar did.

Scar goes off to visit Scott and Pearl, and figure out whether they have the enchanting table or not. Note the emphasis on simply figuring it out, not actually getting the enchanting table. Here’s where I want to talk about Scar being a great liar: he fully convinces them into thinking that he was willing to trade lives for the enchanting table, and then he convinces them that he’s so desperate to get the table that he’ll lie about Joel burning their house down. The thing is, Scar had no intention of ever getting the table at that moment – he wasn’t going to trade lives for it to begin with. He’d try his luck at threatening them, but nothing more. He got exactly what he wanted out of that situation: proof. Meanwhile, Scott and Pearl were left believing they’d outwitted him, that they’d called his bluff and bullied him into leaving. They never saw his true intentions, never saw him as an actual threat. Scar is much smarter than people believe, which only makes him all the more threatening.

And finally, he goes on to prove this intelligence even further. He figures out that Scott and Pearl planned to trade for the enchanting table simply by seeing Scott ask Lizzie if she’s home in chat. He then goes to visit Lizzie, and she tells him she declined their offer. What’s notable about this scene is how much less belligerent Scar is than usual: he readily accepts what Lizzie says for once in his life and leaves without being too annoying about it. He later talks about lulling the others into a false sense of security, letting them think he’s not after the enchanting table anymore; that makes me think his visit to Lizzie was purely to confirm that the offer was even made, and he’s now certain that she accepted it. It’s not hard to work out, especially if he noticed her life count.

So, all in all, if you’re not scared of Scar in Last Life, you most definitely should be.

Did I forget to mention he’s currently tied for the highest life count on the server?

[miraculouslumination]

Honestly I kind of don't like the way some people talk about tone tags on social media - like it sometimes feels like people are two steps away from returning to the "x accommodation isn't useful for ME therefore it's Morally Bad and Cringe and I'm going to make fun of anyone and everyone who uses it" such as what happened with fidget spinners and other stuff like that

And all I can say is that tone tags are literally just that. An accommodation. Specifically, a personal one

Yes, there are a lot of acronyms, and I do agree it's kind of ridiculous to expect people to remember all of them! Especially fellow ND people with bad memory or even anxiety over having to remember each one! However, literally like everything else, especially with accommodations like this, please remember

What works for you, does not always work for others

I am a highly anxious autistic ADHD person, and I often have had many high anxiety episodes because of something friends would text me and then say "it was just a joke" - when I am already in the height of anxiety, telling me later that "I was joking" hardly helps

For example, I once had a friend say "all of [my] OCs are cringe ass babies" (literally a direct quote from our DMs)

This fucking sent me down, emotionally and mentally, into the crust of the earth - and I told her that "hey, you said something really rude, and I didn't like it" as I could feel my chest growing heavy and tight and my body shaking because this HURT - a LOT

And then she says "wait - what? I'm sorry I was just joking" which she meant genuinely, but my brain still questioned it

Now, for me, personally, if it was "your OCs are a bunch of cringe ass babies /j /lh" then I would be able to decipher and read her message as a light-hearted, poke-to-the-ribs type joke. Otherwise I cannot tell what someone's tone is at all, and with a comment like that, my anxiety (coupled with the fact I've had people irl maliciously attack me for my art + character design skills) will just assume the worst

I have read countless Calm messages as Loud and Angry, and I have read Upset messages as Bored and generally just got confused by them, and it has always created problems that could be so easily solved with an accommodation such as this

I, personally, suck at reading tone. And I've seen some people say "well, you can just slap tone tags on anything, even if you don't mean it" and....yeah. That's the flaw of any language. I can say that I'm not mad at anyone in my friend group, even when I am absolutely furious with one or multiple of them. I can say "jk lol 😂" and "omg it was JUST a joke 🤣" after calling someone's mom a fat, lazy cow who belongs in a barn and subsequently making them upset, even if I was being insulting.

ANYONE can do this. Language existing means people are going to use it to lie, to make themselves and their intentions look better. Hell, everything online revolves around this constant chance of "maybe the 22 year black butch autistic lesbian I'm donating money to online is actually a 40 year old upper class white cishet allistic woman who just wants to scam a bunch of queers"

And yeah, some of the acronyms do have multiple meanings from previous generations of texting lingo. However, again, that's just LANGUAGE!! Especially in the online world!

Hell, ASL and ASL exist. One is Age, Sex, Location? - a question often asked online about another person! And the other is American Sign Language.

And even for text lingo, you'd have so many overlaps!

FTW and FTW - one meaning For the Win, and the other Fuck the World.

Just...I don't know, I think I take all these little "jokes" so personally because I am one of those people who needs this accommodation. I don't expect everyone who interacts with me to use them, and I don't think we should expect everyone to use them - ESPECIALLY some of the more specific ones.

And yes, some people are fine with substitutes, such as saying "genuinely, please stop sending me photos of bugs. I'm not angry, I just don't want to see them" or even "he is my little bastard man (affectionate)" or whatever!

Just. I don't know. I'm just asking y'all to not make tone tags into the next "lol cringe autistics and their fail accommodations" thing. Even if you don't like it or need it.

[siriusmydeer]

Sirius x twin!reader where he runs away and doesn't say goodbye or anything, and they've always had a bad relationship because reader is like regulus and sirius is, well, sirius. baso angst where the reader is now ignoring sirius at hogwarts and sirius is trying to talk to her which is strange because before it was the other way round. she snaps and tells sirius how he knew what would happen if she ran away, and it was that she would get twice as many bad things to make up for sirius not (1)

the forgotten sister

sirius black x fem!twin!slytherin!reader

summary: sirius leaves you with aching despair the the faults that comes with being a black heir.

word count: 2.7k

warnings: child abuse, arranged marriage, angst, mentions of being imprisoned, mentions of death, mentions of violence, being disowned, mentions of death eaters, bad mental health, insinuation of depression, insinuation of a panic attack and bad sibling relationships

a/n: rate this cuz idk how to write angst but this has been sitting in my inbox for so long i’m so sorry

despair.

dejection.

guilt.

it was clear as day in your thought-stricken mind, without a second thought it ran thickly through your families veins for generations. every single heir of the noble house of black had the one ranging emotion of anything in a malicious, loathsome, vile and horrid context.

brothers, they were suppose to protect their siblings, love and nurture them above anyone else. they were suppose to kiss your forehead when you were sad, play with your barbies till they wanted to rip out their eyes because you had nobody else to play with, they were suppose to show another emotion than trepidation.

twins, the bond shared between them in unmatchable to any other sibling, they shared a womb for nine months, a direct bond, no seperation for nine months, thirty nine weeks, two hundred and seventy three days, a total of six hundred, five thousand and seventy hours together. a bond that should last a lifetime, of happiness, absentminded chuckles, homeliness, and love.

that’s what it should have, that’s how it should look in the peering eyes of anyone who had looked upon the similar featured siblings.

sixteen years, the only thing you had receiving in attempts of happiness, absentminded chuckles, homeliness, and love; but not everybody got what they wanted, in return you had received the raw sickly end of despair, dejection and guilt. what could such a young girl do to upset her brother from the very second her life begun? since the first weep that left sirius’ mouth, it almost felt like a duty ringing through your brain like a recurrent lullaby rather than a curse to be ignored by your family, and to only serve them when they deemed necessary for your forgotten presence.

rather than the lullaby on how a spider ran up a web, the only word familiar words in your brain since the ripe age of six was ‘crucio.’ the red tinging flare that sped across your living room like a jolt of lightening from the sky had just become a familiar sight to see at while your panic stricken figure strided through your house for just a few seconds more of peace.

dense words could be shared with your twin, not even a ‘good morning’ on most days. maybe a subtle nod when he first saw you as you both woke from your slumber if you were lucky, maybe even a sparing glance once or twice throughout the day. the first and last born female at the hands of walburga and orion black was simply ignored, a nobody, absolutely and completely nothing.

atleast sirius was there, he may not have spoke to you, or even looked in your direction but his presence in the dreadful household could’ve been enough, enough to put your blearing mind at ease for the night. that you had survived another day, that the next passing day his presence still comforted you because he was still there, that even though he didn’t protect you; he could protect regulus when he deemed fit, and as much as it put you in a absentminded agony, you appreciated his efforts to your youngest brother.

the following morning you woke up, his presence was diminished. his aura had vanished, the pungent smell of nicotine had left no trace on the stygian walls, the husk smell of expensive leather no longer enveloped in your ventilation and the irritating scent of his nose itching cologne was in absentia.

twin-tuition the muggles muttered, when two siblings who shared a whom could know almost everything and anything about each other without a second blip of thought. the walk to his room was excruciating, because in your heart his comforting presence had fled. the pink floyd and beatles posters had been torn from the walls, the mahogany wood from his drawers had been completely dismembered and his closet had been utterly ransacked.

he had left; he had left you.

that was the feeling of despair.

not even a note in his absence, not an explanation, not a second thought, sirius was gone; and sirius was not ever coming back.

the duration of the winter ‘holidays’ had seemingly passed slower than usual with the absence of your brother, the dismembering two weeks had finally been put on hold on your mind. finally finding the will to get out of your bed and put your mental health back to where it could’ve functioned at a less than normal way, the usual way. except you were sent back onto the hogwarts express only clinging onto the younger brother you had left, mind you he would’ve went off the second he stepped aboard but three seconds with your brother could’ve put you off for nine hours.

there was no will to try, no persuasive black ‘i get what i want’ attitude left churning in your system, the feeling of disgust trembling through your veins that your family would never accept you as long as you remained ‘y/n’ and not ‘y/n black,’ so you had to do what was right to protect regulus. because even though his nurturing feelings were inattentive, you would still do what was necessary to protect him.

if you weren’t the keen resemblance of your family you could’ve believed that you were adopted, having no will to become a follower of the dark lord, and no will to produce dark magic.

yet, you did what you had to do, an action that in no way would have been thought about for you; but you had what the other noble heirs lacked, compassion.

every corner you turned you had no will to search for the gryffindor brunette, your eyes didn’t erratically search for his searing silver irises, you didn’t attempt to decipher the red and gold colours from the green and silver that could’ve been crowded amongst the library, or the great hall. any will you had left for the receiving end of love from your family had utterly vanished.

that was the feeling of dejection.

sirius knew that prior years to hogwarts that you had rapidly searched for him in every single corner, mind you even there was a possibility he wasn’t there; you never faltered, you still gaped intently. it gave him the slight aching pain that he carried with himself, but the viridescent green you wore had him believing that you were simply no better than lucius malfoy or evan rosier.

it began to itch at his neck that you no longer had the need to know if he cared, if he was in the same room as you, if you even had the decree to call him your brother anymore. seemingly, you were always in between the walls of the library, a vermillion, maybe amber hued book sturdy between your hands in your grasp as you flipped the pages.

if you hadn’t shared the infamous last name, people would have never believed the two of you were what you called siblings, twin brother and sister. the epitome prankster, outgoing, and womanizer of hogwarts, the timid, skittish, quiet pureblood slytherin; and they just happened to share the same blood.

the female twin adorned reading, not because each book had different words carved upon its ivory paper, and not because there were hidden messages upon the words she so happen to enjoy deciphering but she loved reading partially because it allowed her to cry over someone else’s sadness when she could no longer identify her own.

her heart left sunken, submerged into somebody else’s misery because her own feelings enough weren’t able to bare.

he was silent for once, his mouth not barking up a laugh with his mates, he wasn’t sauntering around like he owned hogwarts himself, he was timidly walking into the depths of the library that were hidden from students. he was suddenly thoughtless, but his mind was not clear, and now face to face with the ghost of his sister; someone whom he had no intention to know, but now the wave of empathy ridden into his bloodstream as he saw the sudden tears glaze her eyes.

“you— you don’t look for me anymore. i noticed that, you don’t try and, try and look.” he started almost rudely, the first sentence he had ever uttered to his sibling was assumably how she didn’t care for his presence anymore. he was unable to produce many words at his shock, his nimble fingers anxiously shoving themselves into the grey slacks he had boughten for this years semester.

“i tried, at first. but you’re not worth a look anymore, sirius, because everywhere i go, the shadow of you is all i see.” as you contributed your words they only continued to be more broken, and stammered. the whimper in your tone clear as day as you spoke to someone you once called family, and now a sudden stranger.

“you left sirius, you left your sister, you left your brother. you left the people that needed you most because you’re selfish, you were thinking of you, not of us. so you don’t fucking deserve to be considered anymore, you don’t earn my respect on being thought about, sirius,” you were tired, achingly tired of fighting. you were tremendously exhausted of trying to fight for just a tinge of acknowledgments from your family members.

“you knew if you ran and you didn’t take us with you it would get worse, and you did it anyway. that makes you a coward, i guess the sorting hat does make mistakes after all.” you concluded, now wearied from your brother suddenly giving you the time of day when you don’t care to yearn for it anymore. his decisions affecting you single-handedly the most, your emotions no longer considering his aching feelings as his sister dismissed him at the similar treatment you had recurrently received.

“now i’ve got this penetrating, life altering ink on my wrist, because of your foolish actions. i have to pay for it, and a husband awaiting me. so now that you’re going all cry baby on me because i don’t try and find you anymore, you can stick your dreary where it came from because your damage is done.”

he had no thoughts, no words, completely ambushed. his older twin sister, someone whomst he adorned as his role model as a young boy, something he would never admit to as a child due to his stubborn nature, was now a death eater and profused in an arranged marriage because he couldn’t give a thought about his despairing twin. but now sirius had finally revived the raw end of the final emotion,

he had felt the emotion of guilt.

because even though he was trying to scoundrel some effort of empathy towards you the only thing displayed in front of him was the way your eyes spoke a thousand words but no one ever took the time to read them.

he never took time to read them.

“you need to leave— you need to run! w—why are you still there?” he started to hastily question as he peered at you erratically. his mind suddenly starting to boggle with questions as to why you would keep yourself in such a harmful situation, why you wouldn’t just run like he did.

it was simple to you, you weren’t selfish, you weren’t sirius.

“because i cannot leave regulus in that god forsaken house, the dark lord and his pesky followers would find me, and our parents would torture me, and murder me without remorse.” you finished, saying it too him like you had scribbled it upon a paper and practiced reading it every night like you were preparing for an exam, as if you would be questioned and persuaded to leave under the hands of your parents.

“i heard you— with regulus, you wanted to take him but not me. you almost brought him with you to the potters,” you revealed to the gryffindor, finally having the will to tell him clearly, on how he had wronged you in life and that there was absolutely nothing he could do to fix his actions.

“why do you never pick me sirius? why do you not want me as your sister? ‘ve always tried to protect you, why haven’t you done the same?!” at first your tone was monotone, almost dead but as your words continued your patience grew shorter and your rage grew larger.

your hand further having to clasp over your mouth by the end of your sentence before your classmates would’ve have gotten curious, and nosy at the altercation that was happening between the death eater and the disowned behind the shelves.

“i don’t— i don’t know, i just, s’different.” he was left thinking in confusion as to why he treated you differently, maybe it’s because you were the eldest, maybe you were female and in his eyes you possibly resembled his mother, maybe he had absolutely no idea as to why he treated you different.

“you dont— you don’t know? suddenly when i don’t give a shit about you, your yearning for your older sisters love. well guess what sirius, you’re not going to get it. your damage is done and there’s nothing to reverse it; so bugger off with your gryffindor mates, and your new family. if you want regulus to have a decent life from what he can live left, take him now before they take him too.” you concluded,

your first and last conversation occurring with your brother, several words left unsaid as you left him dumbfounded in the library, feeling the shoulder on shoulder collision as you left.

breathe in, breathe out. simple, again, again, again. the valley of tears were almost screaming at your waterline to let loose, to cry, to scream, to do something, anything. perhaps instead, you stood astonishingly still inside the girls lavatory, thinking, just thinking.

‘what did i do in my past life to deserve this now’ it was a simple and clear question, one that could never be answered, one without an explanation.

but yet you yearned for such a simple, yet complicated answer, maybe in another life sirius had the will to know you, your parents had the decree to love you, and maybe you weren’t sent down a path of affliction.

but that was another life, it wasn’t yours.

time went by, seconds, minutes, hours, weeks and years. they flew by, and now you were no longer that sixteen year old girl. you were eighteen, dressed in ivory with a small train at your feet, makeup painted on your eyelids, a small veil placed onto your head and your hands throughly squeezed in another’s; with the dreadful matching injected ink into your inner left fore-arms.

as the years had flew to that moment, lost was a lovely place to find yourself, but it simply wasn’t enough; it would never be enough. you had to wear the mask, ever noble heir of black had their own personal one, the one that covered every detailed flaw of you.

because after watching both of your brother’s, your supposed nurturers, your protectors, the ones that were suppose to love each and every bit of your aching soul left, you never realized how strong you had to be until being strong was your only choice that remained.

because in essence happiness is just blissful delusion, that esentially wouldn’t last forever no matter how exceedingly much you pleaded to merlin for it too last a second, maybe a minute if you were lucky.

but noble heirs of black weren’t lucky, they were cursed. and now you were finally brought upon to carry the tradition your children would be barred with, now carrying the last name of ‘dolohov.’

still remembering clear as day, like the sun was beaming into your viewpoint that one conversation you had shared with sirius in the library. the despairing love still left in your heart for your brother, your brother who stood up for regulus.

no matter how much they dismissed you as their protector, as their sister, as someone who loved them, you would always carry love for them in your trembling heart. after the amount of curses you took in their place, the screaming threats, the weeps from both of your brothers that stained your clothes, the times you had to face your parents in their absence.

you still had love for them, even if it wasn’t returned.

perhaps someday when you found the courage you crawl back home, beaten, defeated, maybe half dead. but not as long as you could remember the mark of family embedded into your heart, and your arm.

the noble heir’s of black, imprisoned, dead, and married off.

taglist: @fific7 @wisedreamcatcher @kittykylax @ronbrokemyheart @aspiringsloth20 @georgeswh0re @amourtentiaa @msmb @fangouria @five-cups-of-coffee @dracofknmalfoy @emmaev @serenitywilderness @artemis1orion @sirius-animagus @famdomhideout @hufflepogue @kirascottage @luvvninaz @miraclesoflove @black-like-my-soul

[vrishchikawrites]

Could I have a prompt? 🥺🥺 So WWX is taking bath in the Cold Pond to heal from the wounds by the discipline paddle (which I assume he was punished being clothed in his Black robe or in his Gusu Lan disciple robes or Head disciple Jiangs robes whichever fits). Before going to CR, wwx is whipped by mdm yu and LWJ notices wwx’s raw red scars and many scars across his back kinda overlapping and not yet being healed because maybe MDM yu sealed his core or something. LWJ, or with LXC saw WWX’s many crisscrossing scars and realize they’re still raw and kinda risking for infection because when mdm yu unseals his spiritual energy before going to CR, WWX never thought of healing it. Cue LWJ and LXC gets horrified and ask WWX why he had many scars on his back (or other parts of his body can also be included!) no pressure 💕 I love your writing! ❤️❤️

Anyway, it is set during the period in which WWX studies at CR. Lån Qiren, who is obviously not eyeing Wei Wuxian just in case the boy creates some trouble ends up realizing that he is too non chalant about  not eating (because the food there is for rabbits) and WWX is like "Oh, yeah. Nah its fine, I've been worse".

This one has trigger warnings for child abuse, negligence, and issues related to eating habits. Keep that in mind before proceeding. Nothing graphic, but I wanted to warn nonetheless.

I've merged two prompts here.

Please remember that prompts are closed. Also, remember I do not write self-deprication. All prompts that require WWX to have low self-esteem are not going to be written, apologies but the subject is very uncomfortable for me and I don't believe it is canon accurate anyways.

On to the prompt fill.

"That Wei child is entirely too careless." 

Lan Qiren closes his eyes and prays for patience. That boy has been a menace ever since he stepped into Cloud Recesses. Brilliant but wily and mischievous with absolutely no regard for rules. 

"What has he done?" He asks gruffly, reading over the reports from the kitchen staff. Cloud Recesses always monitors the food intake of their guests to make sure everyone is well-fed and no one is consuming more than their due. It wouldn't do for young cultivators to fall ill in their care, after all. 

The primary healer, a matron of some age, had brought the reports instead of the kitchen manager, which was quite unusual, "He forgets meals. Goes without food for days. Survives on small bits of fruit."

Xichen, who has been working on his own reports, raises his head and looks concerned. 

Lan Qiren crosses his arms, feeling a growing sense of ire, "He dislikes our meals." He's not the first one to skip meals because he considers them 'bland' and 'boring'. It's likely the child has been sneaking down to Caiyi town to have more extravagant meals. 

"I checked with our ward team. When he goes days without eating, he doesn't make any trips to Caiyi town either."

Lan Qiren pauses and studies her. Lan Mingyun nods curtly, "When I first noticed this behavior, I immediately put him on my list." Her list of children with food-related issues, he assumes, "His eating habits are very erratic, erratic enough that I wish to assign one of our senior disciples to keep an eye on him."

"You're that worried?" Lan Xichen asks in surprise while Lan Qiren frowns. It isn't unusual to do so but he wonders if it is really necessary.

"As far as I know, the child lived on the streets for quite a few years," She says and Lan Qiren narrows his eyes, inwardly reprimanding himself. He had forgotten about that aspect of Wei Wuxian's history, "The link between early childhood trauma and behavioural problems are well known to us."

Lan Xichen frowns, "I'll ask Wangji to keep an eye on him."

He glances at his nephew sharply, "Why Wangji?" He demands because surely someone else would be better.

"From what I understand, Wei-gongzi will not welcome an assigned senior. He seems to be someone who brushes injuries or illnesses off. He likes Wangji and will be more willing to accept his company."

While the argument is reasonable, Lan Qiren is loath to involve his precious nephew in this. He's already so bothered by the boy. 

But.

He thinks of Wei Wuxian with his sharp eyes and lingering smile and nods. 

---

Wangji listens to Xichen patiently even as his fingers curl into fists under his sleeves. 

He doesn't like Wei Wuxian. The boy is too disruptive, too bold, too distracting-

Too beautiful.

He doesn't like him, but that doesn't mean he's content to ignore his well-being. When Xichen asks him to keep an eye on Wei Ying's eating habits and general behavior, Wangji agrees. 

It will be taxing for him, but he agrees.  

What he doesn't anticipate is… everything that follows. When he starts consciously looking for them, the signs are alarming. Wei Ying doesn't just skip meals whenever he gets too distracted, he picks at the food even when he is eating. While Wangji is comforted to know the boy frequently seeks something richly flavored at Caiyi Town, he doesn't do it often enough to compensate.

There are also some concerning behaviors in the Jiang contingent. Upon closer inspection, it is clear that while Wei Ying does break the rules, the other Jiang Sect disciples are often complicit. Including Jiang Wanyin. 

They not only let their da-shixiong take the blame for all of their actions, but also encourage it. Wei Ying seems disconcertingly accustomed to it. He makes a scene while being punished but seems alright within an hour. 

Jiang Wanyin encourages mischief and reprimands him in turns. 

Wangji doesn't understand this.

"Xiongzhang, I am concerned," Xichen looks up from his tea, his attention immediately on Wangji, unwavering and comforting, "Wei Ying," He takes a moment to form his thoughts, "I am uncertain. I believe he is in an unsafe environment."

Xichen sets his tea aside, "How so?"

"I happened upon a conversation," He grimaces because it is eavesdropping even if his intentions are noble, "Jiang Wanyin and Nie Huaisang requested and encouraged him to get alcohol into Cloud Recesses. When he complained about the punishment, Jiang Wanyin said 'at least, it wasn't Zidian'."

His brother sucks in a sharp breath, "Zidian? Madam Yu? Spiritual weapon? A high-grade weapon typically used against enemies?"

Wangji dips his head. 

"I'll ask uncle to stop assigning corporal punishments." Lan Xichen says, "They won't have the desired effect in any case and we don't want to damage him permanently. Tomorrow, ask him to practice Cultivation in the Cold Pond as punishment."

Wangji nods, "I'll assign Jiang Wanyin and Nie Huaisang proper punishment as well."

"Wait until we have a better grasp on the situation." Xichen says solemnly, "If we act too quickly, things will escalate and may cause more harm to Wei-gongzi."

Wangji is reluctant because his sense of justice is not satisfied. He remembers how the Jiang disciples encouraged Wei Ying to accept punishment on their behalf. And then to know Jiang Wanyin was also complicit…

"We must approach this cautiously, Wangji."

He nods.

---

Red, irritated, scarred.

Wangji swallows as he sees the state of Wei Ying's back as the Jiang disciple steps into the Cold Pond. There are so many whip scars on his back, so many that have barely begun to heal, that he feels nauseous. 

"Wei Ying," He struggles to keep his tone neutral, "Your back." He cannot imagine the agony that Wei Ying would've suffered when he took more punishment on it the other day. 

Wei Ying glances at him and grins, "Aiya, Lan Zhan, is that concern I see on your pretty face?" He asks, spinning around eagerly, "Concern for little old me?"

His back is out of sight and the way Wei Wuxian is leaning towards him is meant to distract and fluster.

Wangji… suddenly understands. Wei Ying is naturally playful and mischievous, but he uses his personality for disguise and manipulation as well. Not maliciously, but in a way that harms him.

"Wei Ying," Wangji refuses to be moved. There is a significant shift in his mind. He no longer feels annoyed by the person before him. If anything, he feels furious. 

He feels protective.

"Wei Ying, your back."

The Jiang disciple shrugs, "Punishment, you know how it is." 

"For what?" He demands, catching Wei Ying's elbow and turning him around. The willingness to touch him stuns Wei Ying momentarily, enough for Wangji to get a good look at the brutal devastation written on Wei Ying's back. 

Wei Ying clears his throat and shrugs, "It's more of a preemptive punishment? Madam Yu knew I would cause trouble here, of course." He chuckles.

"Preemptive punishment?" He asks softly, the very notion troubling him. 

Wei Ying shrugs again but doesn't attempt to explain when it is clear Wangji isn't willing to indulge him.

"Wei Ying,"

"Lan Zhan," Wei Ying starts to move towards the shore, "Don't worry about things that don't concern you. Your head will forever be burdened if you do."

Wangji feels something in him recoil at such a blunt dismissal. 

"Doesn't concern me? How can it not concern me?" He wants to ask but is unable to. 

Wei Ying has made him very uncomfortable with his forward personality and near constant teasing, but Wangji has seen the genuine offer of friendship underneath it all. 

He has always spurned it. 

As Wei Ying climbs onto the shore, his wounds red against his naturally pale skin, Wangji makes a decision, "Would you not feel concerned if it were me?" He asks but he already knows the answer.

He already knows this man enough.

"Of course," Wei Ying says and shrugs on his robes, hiding a wince but unable to help his body's reaction to pain, "But you and I are different." He glances over his shoulder at Wangji, "I consider you my friend," He says, "But you don't consider me yours."

His breath stills at the acceptance in Wei Ying's tone.

"And that's alright." The Jiang disciple waves and walks away, "Don't worry too much, Lan Zhan. This one isn't weak. The wounds will heal within a few days."

---

"The facts are these - Wei-gongzi is punished preemptively with Zidian, often enough that there are deep scars on his back," Lan Xichen explains, "I assume it is his Golden Core keeping him from sustaining permanent damage."

Lan Qiren is still bristling at the very thought of preemptive punishment. What a ridiculous notion! Of course, the child doesn't care about rules and upsetting people! He has already been punished enough to excuse everything but outright treason.  

How is such a method effective? How does it correct a child's misbehavior? 

"The Jiang Sect disciples are accustomed to their da-shixiong being punished in their stead. They actively encourage it. Jiang Wanyin has asked Wei-gongzi to sneak in alcohol. And he refused to come forward when Wei-gongzi was punished." Xichen takes a deep breath, "I believe any lingering issues he may have because of his early days as a street orphan-"

"Are ignored," Lan Qiren concludes grimly, "It is no wonder the child has such strong cultivation. He is facing strife constantly."

"Is there a way to rescue him?" Wangji asks after being grimly silent for the entire meeting, "Get him away from the Jiang Sect?"

Lan Qiren eyes him, "Wangji, the situation is complicated. He's still the Jiang Head Disciple and sects don't just part with their high ranking disciples."

Xichen smiles sympathetically, "We'll find a way to pressure Jiang-zongzhu into taking action. He'll lose face if the other Sects know how his lady is treating their Head Disciple." He shakes his head at Wangji's expression, "Let us think about it. Meanwhile, you just need to be there for your friend, Wangji."

Lan Qiren arches a brow, "Friend? Wangji, I thought you disliked the boy."

Wangji purses his lips, a stubborn light entering his eyes, "Wei Ying is my friend." He insists, resolve lining his every word. 

He looks at Xichen, who just looked amused, "According to Wei-gongzi, he considers Wangji a friend and will be very concerned if Wangji was in a similar situation," He huffs, "But Wangji doesn't consider Wei-gongzi his friend, so there's no need for Wangji to worry."

Lan Qiren closes his eyes and rubs his forehead in an uncharacteristic display of frustration, "That boy is a singular menace."

---

Wangji pursues friendship with all the dedication in his being. He learns to cook savory dishes and gives them to Wei Ying every day. Wei Ying, unable and utterly unwilling to deny, eats it all. 

He glares the Jiang disciples into submission whenever they attempt to draw Wei Ying into mischief. The Jiang Head Disciple is fully exempt from corporal punishment. Instead, he spends hours in the library either copying rules, rewriting classics, or transcribing Buddhist texts. 

All of these activities prove to be much more effective punishments.

Meanwhile, Lan Qiren attends a Discussion Conference and has word with Jiang Fengmian. 

The response is a gentle order from the Jiang-zongzhu for Wei Ying. He asks his disciple to remain in Cloud Recesses for Musical Cultivation training. He also mentions it is time for Jiang Wanyin to take up Head Disciple responsibilities and learn true leadership. 

Wei Ying eyes the smiling Lan Xichen and impassive Lan Qiren sharply but doesn't say anything.

In two years time, the distance between Wei Ying and the Jiang Sect grows. The distance between Wei Ying and Lan Zhan ceases to exist. 

Just like that, Wei Wuxian's destiny changes.

[spiralofdragon]

Gurathin's question

Call it the Gurathin simp in me, but I have a few thoughts on this passage in particular that I wanted to share.

“He said, “Did they punish you, for the deaths of the mining team?”

It wasn’t completely a surprise. I think they all wanted to ask about it, but maybe he was the only one abrasive enough. Or brave enough. It’s one thing to poke a murderbot with a governor module; poking a rogue murderbot is a whole different proposition.

I said, “No, not like you’re thinking. Not the way a human would be punished. They shut me down for a while, and then brought me back online at intervals.”

He hesitated. “You weren’t aware of it?”

Yeah, that would be the easy way out, wouldn’t it? “The organic parts mostly sleep, but not always. You know something’s happening. They were trying to purge my memory. We’re too expensive to destroy.”

He looked out the port again. We were flying low over trees, and I had a lot of my attention on the terrain sensors. I felt the brush of Mensah’s awareness in the feed. She must have woken when Gurathin spoke. He finally said, “You don’t blame humans for what you were forced to do? For what happened to you?”

This is why I’m glad I’m not human. They come up with stuff like this. I said, “No. That’s a human thing to do. Constructs aren’t that stupid.”

What was I supposed to do, kill all humans because the ones in charge of constructs in the company were callous? Granted, I liked the imaginary people on the entertainment feed way more than I liked real ones, but you can’t have one without the other.”

— All Systems Red (Kindle Single): The Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells

At this point in the story, MB holds some pretty righteous dislike for Gurathin due to Gurathin reading its logs and constantly testing it and is assuming all the worst intentions on Gurathin’s part. It treats everything Gurathin does with suspicion. So when Gurathin asks if Murderbot blames humans for what happened to it in this scene, it immediately assumes Gurathin is asking whether it’s angry at humans for the memory wipe. This is apparent when it comments how it would be stupid to get mad at all humans because a few at the company are callous. The techs at the company. Not whoever used a hack or malware or combat override module on it. The memory wipe was done by the company in pursuit of maintaining the profit from Murderbot’s continued use, but the memory wipe was not malicious. Therefore, it does not make sense to put real blame on anyone (except the Corporation Rim structure in general) for the memory wipe because that’s considered baseline normal (though that’s a different set of fridge horrors). And memory wipe isn’t enough for the generally minimum-damage-possible Murderbot to want to murder all humans.

But, looking closely, whether Murderbot was mad about the memory wipe is NOT actually what Gurathin asked. While he may not completely trust Murderbot yet, Gurathin has seen enough of Murderbot and apparently knows enough about constructs (I doubt Gurathin could have picked out Murderbot’s rogue behavior when Murderbot has been successfully hiding from people supposedly with more SecUnit experience for the last 4 years if he didn’t have some detailed knowledge on how SecUnits and their governor modules worked) to know that what happened at Ganaka Pit was neither voluntary nor was it a malfunction. Murderbot still believes the massacre was due to a glitch or fault from the company being cheap at this point and wouldn’t have reason to make the logical jump Gurathin has. I suspect Gurathin has realized almost a full book earlier than Murderbot itself does that Ganaka Pit was a hack like the combat override modules and that Murderbot would not have been a willing participant.

That would be more than enough to hold a grudge against a human or group of humans over.

So what Gurathin actually asked was “Do you blame humans for turning you into a murder machine against your will?” rather than “Do you blame humans for wiping your memory?”

Oh Murderbot. So perceptive in some things. So blind in others.

Related, I suspect if Murderbot ever did find out who did the Ganaka Pit hack, we’d find out just how much it supposedly doesn’t hold grudges.

[jediken0bi]

Boundaries

Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary:

When JJ makes an offhand comment about Spencer not being particularly fond of physical touch to his girlfriend it causes a bit of a misunderstanding.

word count: 3180

-

Ever since you and Spencer decided to ditch your colleagues for the third time in a row to watch Doctor Who at his place instead, which resulted in him awkwardly admitted to liking you at the end of the night, you two have been practically inseparable. You knew that Spencer was shy when it comes to physical affection from the start but you also knew that a huge part of it was the lack of said affection throughout his life.

Often times he looks surprised when you hug him or kiss him with no particular reason in mind other than that you wanted to.

It's like he's used to only experiencing soft touches in the context of challenging and heartbreaking events happening to him.

You were set on changing that. You're going to make up for all the people who have failed to treat him with the love he deserves.

So far he hasn't stopped you from trying either. You cuddle him every chance you get, you kiss him whenever the opportunity presents itself and the environment allows it, you hold his hand while you're on the jet. You make sure Spencer is on board for all of this though.

You always ask him if he's okay with it before. The last thing you want is for Spencer to feel uncomfortable with you.

He's never denied you though and your question is always received with a big smile on his face.

Despite being very responsive to your touches Spencer doesn't allow himself to outright ask for them. Your best guess is that it comes from a long line of people denying him these simple pleasures. The thought breaks your heart.

You two were in the elevator on your way to meet the rest of the team in the bullpen when it all sort of went south.

You were holding hands with Spencer and he subconsciously squeezes your hand a little once the doors open. You give him a smile and lean up to press a small kiss to his cheek.

He immediately turns bright red and you giggle. He's given up on asking you for their reasons. He's starting to accept that you like kissing him and that's reason enough.

He grins at you and you let go of your grip on his hand. You both walk to your respective desks and stuff your go bags under them.

Before you can make your way back to Spencer you spot JJ across the room seemingly headed straight to your desk.

You know JJ is Spencers best friend and while you admittedly had a hard time accepting that your boyfriends best friend was a woman he used to have a crush on, you decided that you had absolutely no reason not to trust Spencer. He was happy with you and JJ was married with kids after all. Hell, Spence is their godfather. There's no need to worry about either of them having feelings for the other. You're sure of it"

Plus, you really like JJ. She was the hardest to win over simply because she and Spencer were so close but she never treated you with hostility. She was kind and respectful but kept you at distance until she was sure you were right for Spencer. You would've been upset if you weren't so happy someone was looking out for him after all.

"Good morning JJ" you greet her happily.

It really had been a good morning.

You and Spencer woke up earlier than usual to eat breakfast together. He made you pancakes!

Or, at least he tried. They were a bit burned but you told him that they were the best pancakes you have ever had. And you meant it.

He, of course, turned bright red and refused to take the compliment so you shut him up with a kiss.

A kiss that said 'Thank you for making me breakfast. I love you and i can't wait to spend the rest of my life eating burned pancakes with you'.

"Hey Y/N i was wondering if you had a minute to talk. About Spence." JJ approached you with a certain worry in her eyes that immediately unsettled you.

"What do you mean? Did something happen? I just saw him a minute ago and he seemed fine" You say nervously. Was there something you overlooked?

You make a mental note to go through the events of this morning again.

"No, he's fine! It's not that. I just wanted to talk to you about how it's going with Spencer. You know, being a couple and all"

JJ seemed almost nervous.

You weren't sure what to think about that.

She never dug around in your business before and you don't think she's got any malicious intentions but it does throw you off a little bit.

"Did you have something specific in mind? We're doing great, JJ. I know you worry about him but i think he's happy with me"

You say proudly because you know he is.

He tells you every night when you two settle down to lie in each others arms to read for a bit.

That's code for Spencer reading to you while laying his head on your stomach and you playing with his hair.

You smile at the memory.

"Uh yeah i guess i do. I just don't want you to think of this as something personal but i think as his best friend i owe it to Spencer to talk to you about it"

She looks down at her feet seemingly uncomfortable but willing to go through with this.

You were shocked to say the least. What could she possibly have in mind that would potentially hurt your feelings? Your mind goes to the worst possible scenarios and it's giving you a good bit of anxiety.

JJ seems to spot the look on your face and grabs your hands.

"No, no, no it's nothing bad per se! Just something you should be aware of to avoid misunderstandings"

You let out a small breath and calm down a bit. You're still confused though. If it's so urgent, why wouldn't Spencer tell you himself?

You were curious though.

"Okay so what is this about then?"

JJ looks at you with a bit of pity in her eyes and you immediately decide you hate that look.

"It's just that, you know, Spence is a bit of a germaphobe and he just doesn't do very well with people invading his personal space. Not that you're invading his space! Gosh no, you're his girlfriend after all. It's just that it seems like he might be a bit overwhelmed. I know it's non of my business, but i think he's trying to be okay with the PDA because it's something you want. I'm all for expanding your comfort zones but i'm afraid Spence is not going to tell you himself"

She finishes her nervous rant and you felt your heart sinking.

Is that why he never asks for your touch? You thought it was because he was shy but maybe it's because it makes him uncomfortable.

Was he trying to protect your feelings by not denying you touch whenever you asked?

Or worse, did he think you would leave him if he put up some boundaries?

Your eyes are filled with unshed tears and you look down at your feet out of embarrassment. You don't want to see the look on JJ's face right now. You're humiliated and honestly just upset Spencer wasn't telling you all this himself.

"Oh. Well, i'm sorry. I didn't know. I thought we were okay but i'll make an effort to turn it down. Thanks JJ"

It's clear she wanted to say something in return but you already turned away from her to flee the scene. It was overwhelming and you didn't want her to see you cry over this.

You went to the only place you knew you could feel freely without having to downplay the whole thing.

Penelopes Office.

You knock twice at her door.

"Hey Pen, can i come in? Are you busy?"

She immediately opens the door and with it, her arms.

"Never too busy for you honey bun!"

You give her a sad smile and hug her tightly.

You sniffle a little and she closes the door behind you two.

"What's wrong Y/N? Did Spencer do anything? I'll kill him for you. I have about twenty seven different ways that would make it look like an accident! Perks of working for the FBI"

This actually makes you laugh and you immediately know you've made the right call coming to Garcia.

"It's more about what he didn't do. Pen, am i a bad girlfriend?"

She grabs your shoulders and pushes you out of her embrace to look at you.

"What? How could you possibly think that? Boy Wonder has never been happier and i've known the kid for a solid couple of years!"

You look down again with an empty smile

"Then why would he send JJ to tell me all about how uncomfortable i make him?"

Okay so maybe you were being a bit dramatic but it feels like he broke your trust by talking to JJ about it before talking to you. At least, you assume he did. Why else would she bring this up?

"He did what? Are you sure?"

You raise your arms in a frustrated manner.

"I don't know Penny all i know is that JJ had some thoughts on how to be in a relationship with Spence!"

Garcia looked shocked and it makes you laugh.

"Yeah, that was my initial reaction too"

She shakes herself out of it.

"Did you talk to Spencer about what he thinks?"

You look at her with sheepish eyes.

"I don't want to yet. I'm upset with him and honestly a little embarrassed. I just wish he would've told me certain things himself. I think i'm going to take a sick day, okay? Can you let Hotch know i'm out for today?"

She looks at you with understanding eyes and gives you a nod.

"Of course, Bunny. Take care. And don't forget that Spencer loves you!"

You smile and give her a nod in return.

"Yeah, i know"

And with that you're out the door and on your way to grab your bag from your desk.

Of course you end up running into the one person you don't want to talk to right now.

Spencer looks at you with a small smile and you give him one back. Admittedly, yours looks a bit forced but you don't have the energy to pretend right now.

"What are you doing?" He asks innocently. He must be unaware of your conversation with JJ.

"I- Uh i'm taking a sick day. I'm not feeling so well"

You try to avoid eye contact but you fail to ignore Spencers worried expression in your peripheral vision.

"Are you okay? Was it the breakfast? I told you you shouldn't have eaten the pancakes!"

He sounds so distressed you can't help but laugh.

You were still mad at him but he was just too cute for his own good.

Out of habit you raise your hand to plant it on the nape of his neck where you usually toy with his hair before kissing him.

Just as you were about to put your hand on him you shake yourself out of it and retreat it.

He looks at you with confused eyes.

"What's wrong?"

He asks you with sad eyes. He's giving you completely mixed signals and it's driving you insane. Did he suddenly want you to touch him?

"Nothing. I just- I'm really tired"

You look down at your bag and pick it up to make your way out of there.

Spencer grabs your hand and it causes you to stop in your tracks. You breath in and out and turn around to look at him once again.

"Are- I mean are you leaving now?"

He looks at you with an embarrassed glint in his eyes. But there's something more to it. He looks hopeful. Like he's expecting something.

Maybe he's waiting for you to kiss him goodbye like you always do says a small voice on the back of your head.

No, you shake your head, JJ was perfectly clear about these things.

"Yeah, i am. See you later okay?"

You say with a small smile. You weren't mad at him for not being comfortable with PDA. That's not it at all. You just wanted him to be the one telling you.

You squeeze his hand and he exhales a little.

"Yes! Yeah, um, we're still on for tonight right? Your place?"

He seems so nervous and it reminds you a lot of the first few dates you two had. He was so afraid of messing up, of being laughed at or rejected.

"Of course we are. I'll order us some Chinese"

You give him a real smile and he starts lighting up as well.

"Yeah i'd like that. See you, uh, tonight then"

He's still holding your hand and you squeeze it one more time before letting go.

As you step into the elevator you know that you two have a lot to talk about.

--timeskip approx. 8h--

You've spend all day trying to figure out how to talk to Spencer about what happened at work today. You didn't want to fight with him and you hope he's not going to try and shut you out.

All your worries pretty much wash away when you find Spencer at your door holding a beautiful arrangement of flowers.

When he finally reveals himself behind them you can't help but drag him inside and press a kiss to his lips. You smile into the kiss and it's not long before Spencer does the same. It's harder than it sounds like but you two aren't willing to separate yet so you keep kissing for a little longer before leaning back to accept the arrangement.

"Thank you, Spence. They're beautiful"

You push the curls out of his face and cup his cheek in your hand.

He leans into it and closes his eyes for a second

"Almost as beautiful as you"

It's barely a whisper but you heard him.

Putting the flowers down on the counter you don't waste a single second hugging him tight to your chest.

He hums in contentment and you melt into him.

You've missed him so much today. You weren't used to being at distance with him. Emotionally or physically.

Speaking of.

"Does that mean we're okay again?"

Spencer asks pressing small kisses to your neck.

You shutter slightly before leaning back to look at him.

"What do you mean? Were we not okay before?"

You brush the curls that have fallen back into his eyes away again and he looks at you with wide loving eyes.

"I don't know i thought we were but then you didn't- um i don't know you just left and i thought maybe i had done something to upset you?"

He looks nervous. Almost like he's afraid he's going to say something wrong. You give him a small sad smile and decide that now is as good of a time as ever.

"I didn't kiss you because i know you're not comfortable with that"

You weren't mad anymore. You had enough time to process what happened and you've come to the conclusion that Spencer must've had his reasons. You're willing to let him explain.

He on the other hand looks at you like you've grown a second head.

"What? No i- why would you think that?"

You huff out a breath and look at him for a moment with raised eyebrows. You really thought he was going to tell you now. Is he waiting for you to say it?

Spencer looked genuinely confused and upset you would even suggest such a thing. It makes you wonder if he talked to JJ at all.

"Look, JJ came to talk to me today and cleared some things up and honestly i'm not upset about what she said. Not really. I'm upset i had to find out from someone who wasn't you. You could've told me. You should have told me actually"

This didn't do anything to wipe off Spencers confused expression. If anything, his frown just got deeper.

"Y/N i seriously don't know what you're talking about. I haven't talked to JJ this week"

Now it's your turn to frown. Did he not know? Was it really just JJ making assumptions that weren't true?

"But she said- No it doesn't matter what she said. What matters is that i want you to tell me, right now, if my affections make you uncomfortable in any shape of form. It's okay if they do Spence! I know i'm a lot but it's important we're both okay with what's happening between us"

He stares at you with a mix of adoration and confusion.

"Of course i'm not uncomfortable with you! I would tell you if i was. It's not even like you're doing any of it without checking with me first! Why would i lie to you?"

You let out a frustrated huff.

"Because you don't wanna hurt my feelings! But it's okay. We're equals and we can set up boundaries if you want. All that matters to me is that you won't shut me out"

Spencer smiles at you and it confuses you. Why the sudden mood change? Not that you're complaining. His smile always did manage to make you feel better. This time is no exception.

He grabs your hands and pulls you closer again.

This is new. Not the hand holding, but the fact that Spencer is the one initiating it.

"I promise you i have never been more comfortable with a person. I don't know what JJ told you and i'm definitely going to have a talk with her about boundaries but as far as we go, i'm more than happy with where and what we are"

You give him a small laugh and he joins in.

You wrap your arms around his middle and bury your head in his chest.

"So you're okay with me kissing you or touching you in general? In front of the team"

He presses a small kiss to the top of your head.

"More than okay" He whispers

You smile and lift your head to give him a proper kiss. He grabs the side of your head and pulls you even closer.

Lips just millimeters apart you look him in the eyes and find nothing but love in them.

"Also, next time you leave work without kissing me goodbye i'll make a scene. No hesitation"

You laugh loudly and push him away. He playfully stumbles back a couple of steps and laughs with you. He shrugs his shoulders

"Try me"

You lean your head on his shoulder.

You don't even know what you were worried about anymore. Spencer has a way to make all the problems seem to minuscule. You can confidently say you've never been happier.

[feitansluver]

hi there!!! i saw your comment thingy to @thedancefloorsilly and saw that you started a writing account!! that is so cool i love following the writers here on tumblr and reading their works :)

anyways, do you think you could do general dating headcanons for machi (hxh) please? thank you, have a great day/night!! <3

Author's Note: AHH, hello first requester tee hee! Yeah, I've noticed a few people from Jay's account ventured here, well, welcome! I'm glad to have you. And that's amazing, I loved doing the same, so much so I created my own writing blog haha. Well, enjoy! Reblogs, likes, and constructive criticism is most appreciated!

Machi: General Dating Headcanons

Okay, to start, we know Machi isn't exactly the very 'loving' type. she's more standoffish and only puts in her two cents when she deems it necessary

However, I like to think she's very loving towards you behind closed doors. Her favorite way of expressing her affection is leaving behind little wrapped up figurines of her own thread. Similar to the GIF above, she'll twist and knot her nen stitches together into anything she thinks you're interested in. Bears, cats, dogs, rabbits, etc.

She enjoys watching you sleep as well. This is the one time in which she'll let down her walls for a few minutes. She'll pull you into her chest and take in your scent while kissing the top of your head a few times, concentrating on the beating from your heart and swearing she won't let anything happen to you.

Also, don't be surprised if you're around the troupe and you notice Machi staring at you. She refuses to partake in any sort of PDA so 98% of the time, she's giving her classic glare at you. Don't take offense, it's not with malicious intent, she's just admiring you with a stone cold face.

On that same affectionate note, she isn't a large fan of cuddling, but LOVES when you run your hands through her hair or putting your chin on her shoulder, perhaps even both at the same time.

As for how you two got together, as cliché as this sounds, I'm going to have to say Pakunoda was a key factor. Pakunoda was probably the one to even notice Machi had liked you to begin with, and spent a good amount of their time together trying to get Machi to come to terms with it. Once she does come to terms with it however, I see it as Machi wanting to confess to you but she thinks you might believe she has feelings for Paku because that's what everyone assumes. She confides in Pakunoda with her troubles because they're close, who then later relays this information to you since she can't stand seeing Machi so off balance.

She's super embarrassed when you come up to her and ask about Paku's claim, so much to the point she blatantly denies it. Paku saves the day yet again by telling Machi the cat's outta the bag and then BOOM. After a bit of conversing between you two, you decide to give it a shot so cupid struck his bow.

Nicknames are a weird topic. She doesn't give you any. It's always just y/n. No abbreviation or anything. There is an exception to this which is my next bullet point. You can give her nicknames, but know that if you use any of them in front of the troupe or a client or whatnot, she will ignore your call.

As for jealousy, she isn't a very jealous person. She isn't insecure within herself and she's 100% knowing that you love her with all of your being. HOWEVER, if she notices someone outside of the troupe being a little too nice with you, she'll come up to you and said person and say something along the lines of "Babe, who's your friend?" or "Baby, are you ready to head home?"

Since the troupe does leave for long periods of time, she'll leave behind her signature pin cushion for you in which she stitches a little something every time. (she has extra pin cushions to take with her, dw) It's usually a small note like, "always thinking of you." "stay safe y/n, be home soon."

To sum up, Machi loves you dearly, even if she won't blatantly say it to you often. However, never for one moment doubt her love for you. She may be a bit stoic and seemingly scary, but she'd burn down the whole world if it guaranteed your happiness.

END!