#so s tier post

[system-of-a-feather]

Only skimmed cause Im busy atm but I also want to say as a system who DOES have a lot of parts that appear pretty distinctly, this is basically what weve historically done a lot as well ESPECIALLY for fragments and subsystems so I do want to also just boost it to say its a helpful resource for those that do have that distinction cause this shit can be a bitch fr fr

Finding Your Identities: Figuring Out Your Alters When Your Alters Aren't "Distinct" "People"

I have been wanting to make this post for a very long time now.

I have talked countless times on this blog about how a lot of the "how to figure out your alters" lists do not and cannot apply to me, or systems who may be like me, for a variety of reasons.

We do not have distinct senses of selves, we don't feel like our own distinct individuals, in any way whatsoever. There is no specific, unique, distinct "cue" or feeling or anything that tells me I've switched, or tells me that a specific, distinct alter is fronting who is different from any other alters. There is no specific, distinct THING that tells me "okay yeah that was very obviously and specifically and undeniably a different alter."

It's easy to deny you have alters when your alters are not distinct individuals who know they are their own unique, separate selves. It's easy to deny you have alters when it always feels like "you."

If you don't experience your alters as distinct 'entities' where you can obviously and distinctly refer to them as "that is (that specific alter) and that is not (these other alters)", it can be nearly impossible to figure out your alters at all.

This has been a horrible aspect of my denial since essentially the beginning. I mean, when everything online tells you that DID involves a distinct sense of "not me" to it, how can you know if you have it if it doesn't feel that way to you?

Now obviously I DO have that feeling of "not me"... It's just not described using those specific words. I was taking it all way too literally (thanks, autism NFKDSFDKJ).

It's more like "I don't really feel that way anymore" or "yeah I felt that way, but not anymore."

Or "I don't really relate to that anymore" or "I don't really like this as my identity anymore" or "I don't like this name anymore."

Or "this feels like someone else's life" (but more of a feeling, it's not like I just suddenly don't know anything in my life anymore. I know my girlfriend and love her still and I know I live in this house, etc.)

I'll feel like I am attending therapy because I have to, or I'll feel like I'm relaying information that I know factually, as if I was told a story of things that happened and I have to relay that information to someone else.

Or just generally a weird feeling that something is off.

And that's the thing - dissociation (for me personally) is less like "things aren't real" and "I'm not real" and more like just a vague feeling that something is OFF, and you don't know what, and you can't explain it.

I remember as a kid feeling like I'm the "only conscious being" or "feeling like I'm in an anime" or "acting out a dramatic scene in a movie." Now all three of those descriptions still fall under "feeling like things aren't real/etc." but I never interpreted it that way, because of how literally I take things, I didn't make the connection, because I never used the SPECIFIC wording of "feeling like I'm not real/feeling like the world isn't real/etc."

I straight-up told one of the first therapists I saw for a DID diagnosis that I "don't really dissociate at all" because I don't really experience the "nothing is real/I'm not real/etc."

This, too, brought me a lot of denial, because people only describe dissociation as "things don't feel real", "you don't feel real", "you feel like you're floating", "you're watching yourself", "you're watching the world through fog/glass", etc. And because I never really used those specific words to explain my feelings and experiences, I figured I wasn't really experiencing any dissociation, or at least just very rarely and mildly so.

That's a key thing here - the WORD CHOICES being used to describe alters, systems, CDD experiences, etc. don't really match up with my experiences at all. I take things extremely, extremely literally, and when everybody describes their alters and refers to them as distinct, different people, it's hard to feel like your experiences are the more common experience, especially when people around you might continue to reinforce that denial, by assuming you must not have alters, or you have a different disorder, etc., because you are "always awake and present no matter what alter is fronting", etc.

Your personal interpretation of your experiences matters a LOT when it comes to CDDs, figuring out if you have a CDD, and it also plays a large role into how your system might present/feel/look/what alters you have/etc.

For example, many people interpreted their alter experiences and switches as creating characters. That, then, might become a huge aspect of figuring out your alters - you might realize that many of the characters you've made (or all of them) through the years were actually alters. With that lens, you might, then, be able to have a lot of knowledge about your alters based off of that alone - those "characters" might have specific characteristics, lore, designs, etc. that you then realize were all a part of that alter.

You might also, then, find that each time you find yourself making a "new" "character", it's actually just a new alter forming/splitting (or perhaps them just finding out their own identity).

The way you personally interpret your experiences, your feelings, your life, memories, etc. all impact your alters and your system - the way your alters identify, the way it FEELS when alters front, the way your system presents, etc.

I grew up believing I was making things up and lying for seemingly no reason, for attention, because I liked being cool and special. Or that I was purposely acting out a fake, dramatic movie, just to add more drama.

In reality, I was experiencing alter switches and dissociation, but because I interpreted it in those ways, we now have a very difficult time trying to accept and believe that these are real feelings, real experiences, outside of my control, instead of me just saying things for attention and acting dramatic just because.

I also very much grew up feeling like "nothing ever sticks, so why bother taking anything seriously." Now, pretty much all of us still have this attitude, this feeling of "why bother coming up with a name, why bother taking (my feelings, etc.) seriously when it's just gonna go away and not come back."

I would feel confident in a decision or an identity or a name change and so on, only for me to change it the next day, or the next week, and so on.

This made things like questioning my gender identity and wanting to change my name extremely difficult and impossible because I could never be sure if it was going to actually STICK or just be a temporary, fleeting "phase." I became upset (and still become upset and distressed) every time everything turned out to just be a "phase" instead of a real, actual thing. I still have trouble with this. If I want to cut my hair or dye my hair or get new clothes, I will never be able to know for sure if I'll still like it in a different state. If I want a name change, I don't know if it'll be long-term or if I will change my mind the next day.

DID is more like this, and less like "I'm a totally different person with a distinctly different personality and a different name and I am not ("host")."

And if this is relatable to you, this post may very much help you figure out who your alters are.

A lot of things online that try to give suggestions and ideas for figuring out your alters in a way of "ask (your alters) these questions."

For me, I can't really do that, for a variety of different reasons - our dissociative barriers are too high, there's no inner world, and there's no kind of "distinct voices" that I "hear" speaking to me that are coming from a distinctly different "person." And since we as alters do not experience ourselves as distinct individuals where we just know who we are and know we are our own distinct individuals, it's less like asking my alters these questions, and more like asking MYSELF these questions. I want you keep that in mind going into this post.

When it comes to figuring out alters, what helps me is trying to keep track of patterns of changes in my behaviors, likes, dislikes, hobbies/interests, and more.

The following is a TEMPLATE of things you can ask yourself at different times, during different moods, modes, self-states - whatever you wanna call it.

I tried to make them as general as possible in order to hopefully make the questions apply to a general audience/a wide variety of people, instead of being too specific where they might not apply to most people.

You do not have to ask yourself all of these questions! If you don't know the answer to a question, and/or you don't want to answer a question, it can be important to write that down too! You can skip any questions or change them in any way you like.

If a question feels unhelpful to you, feel free to change it into something that might feel more helpful to you personally, and/or just remove it altogether.

Feel free to expand upon these questions! For example, if a question seems helpful to you, you might have further ideas to expand upon that question into further, more specific questions. I actually totally encourage other people to expand upon these questions and come up with more questions that could help others! Definitely share your thoughts in reblogs if you want.

I want to make it clear, first, that this post is NOT trying to make people OBSESS over this!!!! These questions are meant to help figure out alters, but don't obsess over it!

The purpose of these questions is to simply try and keep track of possible patterns of behaviors, etc., not to obsess over figuring out your alters, not to obsess over figuring out what alter you are, not to obsess over making sure your alters are "consistent all the time" or something. It doesn't matter about knowing "who" you are so much as it matters to let yourself exist as you are, at any given moment. It's to allow yourself to exist and see if there is a pattern of emotions, opinions, preferences, likes, dislikes, interests/hobbies, behaviors, and more that crop of every so often - this is what alters are for a lot of people. Like I said, it's less like "distinct, separate person" and more like a recurring pattern of the same/similar emotions/behaviors/traits/etc. that crop up every so often, oftentimes in response to things, such as topics that you may find triggering (for example: feeling like an angry wolf every time the topic of physical abuse comes up, or feeling like a scared child when you feel like someone said something upsetting), or even positive topics, such as feeling like you become a girl whenever the topic of fashion gets brought up, or feeling like you're 13 when the topic of a childhood beloved TV show comes up.

While "feeling like (xyz) in response to (xyz)" does not necessarily mean you have a CDD, this post is specifically about those experiences under the context of having a CDD. If you relate to anything I wrote in this post, it does not necessarily mean you have a CDD! Similarly, if you DON'T relate to anything in this post, it also doesn't mean you DON'T have a CDD! I am sharing this post with the assumption that the people reading it already know they have a CDD, and/or strongly suspect it.

Questions to ask myself for figuring out alters:

Month day, year. Time (or whatever way you want to write down the month/day/year/time).

What name(s) do I like?:

This doesn't have to be names of specific alters (by that I mean, you don't have to go through your list of alters with specific names to figure out if you like one of them). You can write a vague idea of what name/names you might like (such as "a name related to plants" or "a name that reminds me of the ocean"). You can write down multiple names. You can write down no name. You can write down that you're indifferent. Anything!

What pronouns do I like?:

Again, you can write down anything. If multiple sets of pronouns vibe, write that down! If nothing vibes, write it down! If you don't have any strong feelings/if you're indifferent, write that down too! If you don't know, write that down!

Are there any particular labels I feel drawn to/feel I identify with?:

It can be an LGBTQ+ label (bisexual, demiboy, aromantic, lesbian, etc.), or a label related to something else

What kind of color(s) am I drawn to?:

Darker colors? Pastel colors? Neon colors? Light colors? Etc.

What do I want to do? What would I do if I had the resources (time, money, 'skill', motivation, energy, etc.) (for example, maybe you wish you could play guitar, but you can’t play guitar, don’t have a guitar, etc.)?:

Similarly, is there anything that I might normally be interested in that I find myself no longer wanting to do?:

-- Listening to music: What songs? Am I singing along? What are the songs about? How do I feel about the music? Are there any songs I dislike? Any particular common genre/theme with the music I find myself liking right now?

-- Art: - What kind of art (Digital art? Doing makeup? Sculpting? Knitting? Painting? Woodworking? Photography? Any art counts.) - What is my art style like/what tools am I using? (If digital art, what program am I using? What brushes am I using? Etc. (Different alters might prefer to use different art programs and different art brushes!)) - What does the artwork depict? (Vent art? Are there themes of trauma? Dissociation? Fanart? Something else?)

-- Playing a game: - What game? - What am I doing in the game? Are there different game modes? If so, what mode am I playing? Is my character customizable, and if so, how does my character look? (Some alters might prefer to change the way the character looks to match how they might feel inside!) - Are there any games I don't currently care for?

-- Watching YouTube: - What is the topic of the video? (Is it about a hobby I like? A TV series? A video essay? Something else?)

-- Playing an instrument: - What instrument? - Am I trying to learn a specific song/songs? - Am I making my own music? Are there lyrics to go along with it? - If it’s a specific song (either writing your own, or trying to learn how to play a certain song on an instrument), what is it about? Any specific themes that stick out?

-- Writing: Poetry? Working on a book/short story? What is it about? What genre? (Romance? Non-fiction? Etc.) Is it fanfiction?

-- Reading: What am I reading? What is it about? What genre? (Romance? Non-fiction? Etc.) Is it fanfiction?

-- Something else…

What am I thinking about?

What am I talking about?

How am I feeling?

Did something trigger me to feel this certain way?

If something triggered me to feel a certain way, do I know the reason(s) why? (For example, if you encountered something that brings up trauma-related feelings, etc.)

You might describe your feelings in ways other than a simple “sad”, “mad”, or “happy.” You might be more specific, such as “I feel like white noise” or “I feel like a dog” or “I feel like an ocean.” This is completely valid and an important thing to keep note of as well. You can even write down that you feel tall, or you feel a different age, or you feel like a certain character.

There are many more questions that you could ask 'yourself' to get to know 'yourselves.' This list is not exhaustive, and like I said, you can simply you this template to bounce off ideas of what questions you, personally, would find most helpful!

I'd love to hear anybody's input, and I hope this post helps anyone. :] If not, feel free to share around anyway, if you want!

[boimann]

mmmh delicious miss pauling centric red oktoberfest fanfiction where the mercs all go on a road trip, go check it out so i can have people to gush about it with

[ghostingink]

I would digitise this however my tablet is currently packed up for uni so YOU GET A SHITTY SKETCH

Based off of…

[sparkles-and-trash]

Babygirl on my brain like a parasite these days help

[spacedlexi]

violentine literally has everything. tension to friends to lovers. i wall myself off from people to keep myself safe but theres something about you. we understand each other. going against your group to stand up for this person and what you believe is right. "i saw that you were in danger and i just acted without thinking". battle team. co leaders. "ive lost so many people and i cant lose you too i wont". struggling single parent finding someone who supports her And her kid. not-so-ex-girlfriend one of the main villains. go to war together. captured together. escape together but lost in the chaos and later reuniting. twice. fighting ex together. twice. making it back (mostly) safe and sound and building a real home worth fighting for together

BUT theyre in a choice game so you can also have: betrayal. manipulated by not-so-ex-girlfriend in a moment of severe weakness into agreeing with the wrong side. fighting against each other (and later apologizing). severe injury? DEATH?? no matter what a sacrifice is Made???

[trans-ralsei]

delve into this vibrant tapestry that is my girlcock, as you experience a realm beyond words, and embark upon a landscape of taste that even AI cannot generate. my girlcock excels at vital tasks like dripping and dribbling, providing you with comprehensive and intricate nutrients that are pivotal for your second puberty. notably, my Girlcock Penetration Tester (GPT) will arguably cause you great pleasure as it is shoved up your fucking ass. moreover, it is morally correct for you to beat it to this AI slop.

[softfuzzyships]

FINALLY COMMISSIONS 2023

(wheeze) only took me 2 years to update my prices. i know this is a big hike, im looking to make being an artist my full time job and i gotta pay the bills. i do really love making art for people and would be so happy to make this my career.

exciting news: patrons receive discounts on commissions

if you support me on patreon, u will receive a discount on any commission u purchase! the discount is based on ur tier, so please go check out my patreon page and take a look.

[momo-shut-the-fuck-up]

Updated: July 3rd, 2023

Notes:

- If a reflection is not on this image, it is SR or Defensive. These are generally not worth your time because there are better SSR and UR reflections for the same amount of effort

- Any reflections in the same tier are the SAME, no matter if their skills or rows or anything else are different

- A same rarity tier difference (e.g., SSR-B and SSR-A) is worth about 1 awakening OR 1-2 CoR upgrades

- A cross rarity tier difference (e.g., SSR-A and UR-C) is worth about 1 awakening AND 2-3 CoR upgrades

- FOR THE S-TIER, the reflections are ranked on a separate sheet. A UR-A reflection is equivalent to a (theoretical) UR-S50 reflection. A difference of 10 (e.g., UR-S50 and UR-S60) is worth about 1 awakening OR 1 CoR upgrade

- Nikki - Guides of Stars is listed as a special UR•SP rarity reflection, however for scoring purposes, this rarity is the same as any regular UR.

This is the guide posted by cyrafen on the official Shining Nikki discord, alongside her notes! There's more in depth resources over on the official Shining Nikki discord, so if u really wanna optimize ur build, i recommend joining and lookin at em.

[doctorwyvern]

me when mudd!! omg!!!

i wanted to draw younger mudd in his little formal outfit with the butterfly bowtie they talk about in his arc. god bless his soul don’t put this man in charge of a kingdom he needs to be feral in the woods

[cabeswaterdrowned]

remembering on my circa 2017 booklr I used to tell people to read Gemma Doyle by describing it as trc but with an all girls boarding school / all girl group in a historical setting… I was trying to do the lord’s work she deserved tumblr fame

[tillman]

Funniest fighting game thing is when people who play genuinely good characters downplay their own characters. Funniest variation on this is strive zato players who love problems clown more than they love god.

[qserasera]

thanks to your manga chapter lists i have now caught up (i think) on the horrible exorcist arcs and OH MY GOD. a of all, i did know from fandom osmosis that matoba is a cat person but i did not expect him to start NAMING THEM OFF LIKE A FANTASY FOOTBALL ROSTER and asking one of them to come home with him???? 🥺😻 and secondly i loved when sensei goes "oooh look, natori's pro-matoba~~" and natori is like "that's disgusting and wrong. i've never - it's none of your - you have the nerve, the audacity - matoba is my rival, technically. and he is terrible, face-wise." (i'm reading into it a little. BUT NOT THAT MUCH??) and okay i should have been writing down my thoughts because they're all jumbled up now but i remember just loving how casually matoba was like "yeah one time when i was here with natori..." WHICH IMPLIES that they were basically hanging out all the time as teens?? in contrast to natori's backstory chapter which makes it sound like after the three-horned ayakashi thing natori would just go to meetings and hear people talk about matoba but not actually see him. even the only other time we see them together in that chapter is when natori is asleep, so again it's sort of matoba who provides us with all information about their relationship outside of when they first met. WAIT NO natori waking up at his house somehow with only matoba there like DID HE CARRY HIM???? i'm losing it. i can't believe y'all have been dealing with this for years at this point. how do you do it? like can you refer me to a therapist. i am losing my hinges as we speak.

@howdydowdy u should know im sitting here cackling over a cup of tea and rubbing my hands together like those shady villains in a plush armchair but!!

YES

secondly i loved when sensei goes "oooh look, natori's pro-matoba~~"

heheheheheheheheh :3

WAIT NO natori waking up at his house somehow with only matoba there like DID HE CARRY HIM????

princess-carried, according to our (delusional) popular fanon but. yea. u get it. you See it now!!!

im going to write a much longer detailed response to this when im not being buried in friday emails (doing my little matoba-esque chores) BUT I LOVE THAT U SENT THIS ASK TO ME, THANK U SO MUCH.....it means more to me than u knowww and also and okay i should have been writing down my thoughts because they're all jumbled up now

PLEASE DO. WRITE ONE FOR LIKE. the special chapter 17 and also the locked-room-house-loquats one i wanna understand allll your reactions and your favorite panels!!! of all!! time!!!!!! > :3c

[kakusu-shipping]

A bunch of Mario Family headcanons:

Because I think a very normal amount about the larger Mario family and very very very much want The Super Mario Brothers Super Show Reboot all about them

G-Poppy and his wife moved to American from Italy in their 20′s, making Mario and Luigi third generation immigrants

G-Poppy’s dream was to own and run an authentic Italian a Restaurant in America, but after the birth of his oldest son, Pio, the need for quick cash to pay rent was more pressing, thus why he got into Boxing

Papa Mario’s full name is Pio Mario Jr, he’s named after G-Poppy

Pio is a good 5-6 years older than his younger brothers, Arthur and Tony, who are only a year apart at most

Sense bills were tight, Pio spent a lot of his childhood being another income to the house hold, working hard labor work like construction to keep the family afloat while his brothers were young

Eventually G-Poppy got too old for wrestling and finally realized his dream of opening a Restaurant; Punch-Out Pizza. This put the family in more financial struggle, forcing Pio to take up more work while Arthur and Tony helped in the Restaurant

Now that G-Poppy is retired Arthur and Tony run the business together. Arthur’s the finance guy, where Tony runs deliveries and hands on manages other employees

It was actually their Grandmother who made Mario and Luigi’s caps for them, she’s also made G-Poppy’s. She passed before Louisiana was born, thus why she couldn’t make her a cap as well

Tony’s a huge horror movie buff, he loves old classics and has a huge VHS collection. Part of the reason Luigi is so scared of the paranormal is from catching glimpses or watching whole movies with Uncle Tony growing up

Another big part of Luigi’s fear though may just come from Uncle Tony loving to scare him. A big pass time for Tony was waiting around corners in Halloween masks to jump scare Luigi, or telling him ghost stories any change he got

Mario also got a bad fear from Uncle Tony’s movies; Pianos. He’d just happened to catch a pretty nasty scene of the lid of a Grand Piano crushing someone when he was younger and it stuck with him pretty hard

Louisiana is about 11-12 years younger than Mario and Luigi, so despite being cousins the three have a hard time relating to one another from the large age gap

Louisiana prefers to go by Louise, though only Mario and Luigi call her that. She was also the first one in the family to use the “Lou” nickname for Luigi, which Mario quickly also picked up

Arthur loves baseball, the Mets especially, but really he’ll watch any team play. He regrets not being on his school’s baseball team when he was younger, due to having to help at the restaurant, thus why he signed his daughter Louisiana up as soon as she was old enough. She’s stuck with it to keep her dad happy

Mia makes 90% of the meals in the Mario household, with the occasional help from Arthur. She learned most her dishes from her own mom, and a good deal more from Pio’s mother after marrying into the family

Marie is absolute rubbish in the kitchen. Mia’s given her multiple lessons and had her help with dinner many times around when she was expecting Louisiana, but she rarely made anything edible. The only one who ate her meals was Arthur, who just wanted to support his wife with all he had, even if it made him ill (which it did. Many times. Tony made fun of him for it)

Tony loves to work on machinery, mostly motorcycles, and has bounced around working part time as a mechanic here and there before his duties at the restaurant drag him back

Pio, Tony, and Mario are the only ones in the Mario family with a drivers license, though Tony was the only one who drove regularly until Mario bought the van

The Mario family owns 4 gaming devices; The Brother’s NES that they bought with their saved up chore money in Middle School, a Wii Marie and Mia do Wii Fit on in the living room, Uncle Tony’s PS2 that’s mostly collecting dust, and the Home Computer that Louise plays Roblox and Minecraft on

The Mario family apartment has 3 bedrooms; Pio and Mia’s, Arthur Marie and Louise’s, and Mario and Luigi’s. G-Poppy sleeps on a chair in the living room, and Tony sleeps on the couch

Louise has already called dibs on Mario and Luigi’s room when they move out, Tony says he prefers the couch anyway so he doesn’t mind

Pio pushes a lot of his own raising onto Mario, as the oldest he thinks Mario should be responsible, a support for the family, not chasing his own crazy dream that could crash down onto them into debt

On the flip side, Arthur puts a lot of what he wanted for himself onto Louisiana, pushing her to do new things and plays sports and do after school activities like he never got to do having to work in the Restaurant growing up

Tony’s the only one he sees this happening, and thus has stayed the fun uncle who’ll get you out of that thing you don’t want to do if asked. He’s listened to a lot of vents from the kids as he drives them from one activity to the next, and tries to remind them their parents are doing their best, and love them a lot. For everyone but Luigi that reminder fell on deaf ears

[silenthill2ps2]

my jojo protag ranking btw 

[tomwaterbabies]

love having one of my closest friends be a geologist because then we can have really important conversations like what elements the varigo would invent for one another are and what the specifics of said elements would be. its gonna be so kick ass

[drop--pop--candy]

having a great time! don't look at my tags look at me i'm telling you absolutely nothing is wrong it's going great