#so regardless of cause. i think im just never gonna have anyone touch me again and keep being happy on my own
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girl-bateman · 7 months ago
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It's time for much more serious measures.... lets bring out the- talking and receiving support from loved ones 😳
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limerent-licorice · 5 months ago
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This is more of a vent blog.
Im pretty sure that nobody would read these posts and I think it would be better for others' minds as well if they don't read it. No pressure tho if u do want to traumatise urself.
Im not really sure why ive made this blog myself. Just that my mind runs wild at night and I just have a need to get rid of it so this is a way I try to make myself better.
Idk if I need an introduction considering that nobody would read this blog but if u do wanna know me just DM ig idk. Also idk whether I should mention this or not but I'm a guy if that really matters to u. I don't want ppl sending nudes tho. I hope u respect that.
Lately I've been feeling like I've been changing in ways that aren't really good. There's been this massive shift in environments lately for me and I remember that before I used to be very fun and energetic and very social. I've always been an introvert regardless and it's not that I'm not fun now just that I feel like I'm not able to connect with ppl the way I used to before. I'll just call this change of environments as a 'canon' (yeah ik it sounds very across the spiderversey but I'm not getting any other name in my head so imma just call it that)
It's not that before the canon, things were perfect. Ibe always had shitty mental health ever since COVID started. I was very deeply in love with this girl who was my best friend. I met her in middle school and honestly she wasn't the most attractive girl in the class but I was emotionally broken when I met her because my very own friends had betrayed me and I was finding it difficult to trust literally anyone. When all hopes for making any sort of friendship were lost, she entered my life. I was innocently but deeply in love with her. I never really told her that I felt that way for her because I had self image issues and I didn't want to lose the only friend that I really had. Maybe if I did risk it then things would've turned out different for me. But that very year she shifted abroad and I was like "fuck what just happened". She kinda did heal me from what I was going through and got me to an extent where I could at least believe in myself that I wasnt completely unlovable. Things went well for an year, I entered high school. Made couple of friends who were rarely guys because of the massive distrust I had in them. I was pretty accepted despite that tho. Like it might sound odd to many for a guy to ba part of a friend grp which is filed with girls but it never felt that way for me. Im pretty sure the other guys just kept thinking that I'm gay or I had low testosterone and what not but well Idrc as long as I'm protecting myself. And then boom COVID hit everything went online and I started to go onto social media platforms to stay in touch with ppl. That's when I got close to her again and this time, we got much more closer. She had some shitty friends abroad which made her to value those more back in her hometown. Which meant shed spend more time with me and her other friend whom we had a trio with. Well her other friend had always been along in my life and just that it's after I met her that I started to acc get close to her friend as well. Im gonna give these characters dummy names later but for now all u need to know is that we got close. It might feel like everythings going good but well life is like a tv show with small advertisement break like moments of happiness. And the break was over. I got a little too attached to her and fucked things up in short but we still stayed friends somehow. Things got toxic but her friend at times would seem manipulative of her and I realised that I was not the only toxic one here. This caused a lot of mental fuckups which eventually led to the end of the friendship two days before graduation. HOW FUCKING CINEMATIC.
Coming to the present that is now in college. Ukw I'll just let it out. Coming to college is the canon. Now that things are done with with the friend grp I had and that now I'm gonna start afresh. I came to college as a blank slate. I did have a lot of lessons I learnt n shit cause of all the drama but after I came to college, I realised that everything here works differently. All the old ideals n stuff its all inexistent. Like for example in my hometown, being homophobic was like a big nono and now here it's just totally normal. It almost felt like I'm surrounded by cavemen. And it just feels odd and unnatural honestly. So I decided to just ignore everyone else's opinions and values and what nots and just know them for who they are instead. Adding insult to the injury, I was raised in a place where speaking English was the norm due to a wide range of diversity n stuff but here, they just speak the local language. I mean we are a part of the same country and I do know the language but since I was raised in English completely, I had little to no experience talking in the native language which made communication evem more awkward.
With everything that's happened and everything that's going on, I realised that I'm losing my older self which everyone used to somehow seem to love. Idk whether I'm not able to propagate to others effectively or what but I feel like everything combined together is just ruining my old serene self. Like ofc the older self was filled with toxicity and trauma but I found my way out and found peace with who I was. And I was making new friends to a good depth and ppl were understanding me better and I used to help ppl cope with their emotions and everyone seemed to love me then. Now that I'm here, I don't see depth in ppl at all. Im not able to form bonds the same way anymore. And I feel like that side of me is just dying. Considering how much effort it took for me to build that side of mine, I feel like if I lose it, I've lost myself completely and I can't really say anything to anyone because my older friends are no longer present in my life and the newer ones don't understand me.
So I made this blog where I try to find myself by posting what I used to be to remember everything I went through to gain back that version of me.
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ayyyyysexual · 6 months ago
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I JUST SAW THIS AND ALSO THAT YOU ASKED FOR RECOMMENDATIONS SO!
off the bat, i watch like... 7? hermit povs? and it's literally just All the hermitgals + skizz/joel bc I'd been wanting to get into them and hey, new season new hermits might as well.
also I have no idea which POVs you watch currently so I'm just gonna go off of the basis that you watch none (which I assume is incorrect JKASHDJK) and recommend my faves regardless of whether I think you already watch them
also these are basically just ranked by the order I usually catch up on their videos when I'm behind, I love all of them very much
My first recommendation has always gotta be Cleo, this season especially she's a lot quicker to catch up on bc I think all of their episodes have been between 10-20 minutes total, with a lot of streams interspersed — I don't catch streams very often but they're always fun. honestly i barely have anything to say cause it's just. watch cleo. do it. you wanna watch cleo sooo bad
Second rec is Gem and Pearl! Pearl was my first pov when I returned to hermitcraft after like. 10 years. bc I started watching her hermitcraft s8 after binging her pov of the life series just after double life ended <3 Pearl is so fun, so goofy, so entertaining, and her content is very charming in a way I wouldn't have expected to resonate so much now that I'm older, but I absolutely adore how she gets silly with it. also her ORGANICS her BUILDS her LANDSCAPING her PLANT LIFE and THIS SEASON SHE'S EVEN STARTING TO LEARN REDSTONE SOLO AND WITH TANGO'S ADVICE ITS SO FUN <3
I didn't start watching Gem until I branched out to more POVs during S9 but I was SO glad that i did bc she is AMAZING, and definitely earns her spot in my top 3 faves, the builds are awesome — especially her statues, like i dont think ive seen anyone else make statues as much as she does and it really shows that she's good at them.
very closely following those three are False and Stress! Both of them feel VERY underrated to me, I looove their videos (and am in the process of catching up on False's rn). False has a very dry humour that I love, and im still never gonna recover from her (mostly subtle) s9/esmp lore like oh my GODD the false twins will never leave my brain ever again. she added so many small touches that made everything so damn interesting and just. grahhh. also her builds are always very cool, I loved her s9 ice mansion (with the secret underground bunker and-) and in s10 she has so much going on with her base already it is SO FUN also her bit with the rivers is ridiculous and very fun. she just carries rivers in her briefcase (NOT a suitcase.) and bestows them upon people like some kind of fae
and stress <3 i feel like she gets mischaracterised a lot in the fandom as the nice cutesy gentle hermit by people who don't watch her (cause she's pink and has a flower crown ig-) but she is an absolute menace (especially to iskall, but she branches out ). like the perry the platypus going around the server? that started with her, and then perry just kept walking around to other places mysteriously, no clue how they got there no siree. also this season she's been tormenting iskall with an endless stream of cats he Really doesn't want. ALSO ALSO HER AND ISKALL ARE PLANNING TO SET UP A MURDER MYSTERY SERVER-WIDE EVENT LATER IN THE SEASON AND IT SOUNDS RLLY FUN, THEY'VE BEEN BUILDING UP A HIGH STREET FOR IT TO TAKE PLACE IN! she's fun, she's dramatic, i originally didnt watch her bc her accent reminded me a little too much of an aunt of mine but im very glad i decided to check her out anyway bc <33 also s10 is her "sentimental stress season" where she's basically bringing back elements from her old bases throughout the seasons, so its a really fun season to start with for her, imo!
and finally, skizz and joel! i've ran out of brain space to talk about them but they are very fun. (i wrote this, and then immediately proved myself wrong) both of their episodes can get a tad unhinged, especially joel's, uh, special segments. skizz has a segment in most (? could be all) of his episodes where tango shows up to teach him server etiquette and remind him to Not Be That Guy (like with leaving floating trees, off the top of my head), he also got meta with it and used it to summon him when he needed an extra person for a stunt, great bit. most of skizz's episodes end with a bloopers segment as well which is great. Skizz is very humble, leaning into self-deprecating at times, and Joel on the other hand is. uh. well he's definitely not humble (/aff)
joel is one of the people who've decided to dive headfirst into armour stands this season (I FORGOT TO MENTION ARMOUR STANDS IN THE CLEO SECTION BUT THEIR ARMOUR STAND WORK!!!! SO FUCKING GOOD I RECOMMEND S9 SO HARD BC SHE DID SO MUCH AWESOME SHIT WITH ARMOUR STANDS, SHE IS SO GOOD AT MAKING PLACES FEEL SO ALIVE, LIKE, SHE DID ATLANTIS (her base), THEY DID SCARLAND, THEY DID THE CRASTLE, SHE DID SO MUCH AWESOME SHIT) and its really cool. he likes to insult his audience, and his friends, and basically anything that moves, but in basically the same way i do so he gets my humour's stamp of approval. he's self-aggrandising in a very entertaining way, and also just acts like a complete freak (complimentary) sometimes, very good. also he's in the middle of the strangest love web atm.
anyway on an unrelated note i am becoming a full-time hermitcraft blog
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lovebecomeshim · 3 years ago
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hello! your zutara posting today has finally motivated me to ask this question because I came to atla very late(last year, to be specific) and I Love It Very Much but am 1000% out of the loop as far as why what remains of fandom (at least that I've seen among my friends) is so very strongly zutara. I'm not opposed to it per se I just don't really know what has driven it to apparently be such a popular ship? can you help me understand and maybe convert me a little bit?
Hey!! Your ICON! :D I can try but I’m not sure how coherent I’ll be; however I AM sure someone a lot more competent will be willing to add to this. Either way, I’m glad you asked because my plan was to drag down as many people as possible with me.
*smacks the hood of zutara* this baby can fit so much mutual love and support!
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This got so long, I’m so sorry. I don’t know how to put it under a cut on mobile and it already got deleted once so I’m scared to mess with it lol. Moving on.
I’m gonna start this with a disclaimer that im on mobile so formatting is tricky and I’m also really new to atla in that I only completed my first watch through in like 2019??? So some of my info is all just based on what I’ve picked up from Discourse 👀 so anyway the sparknotes version: zutara was wildly popular from the beginning. To the point where the atla crew internally disagreed on which ship should be endgame. (Ex. Bryke [showrunners] asked the writers to rewrite The Southern Raiders to make Zuko seem less ideal for Katara than Aang [which failed, depending on who you ask]; the animation team purposefully created a visual parrallel between Oma and Shu in the Cave of Two Lovers and Zuko and Katara in the catacombs under Ba Sing Se in the Crossroads of Destiny; etc.)
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The ship was popular enough that Bryke actually chose to display zk fanart at a con for the sole purpose of mocking the fans, but that’s neither here nor there. The entire episode Ember Island Players, while a love letter to/parody of the whole show, was an opportunity to address zutara’s viability as a canon pairing (while, again, mocking zutaras for romanticizing that catacombs scene). Point is! It’s always been popular but with it not being endgame, there’s got to be something that’s given it staying power.
And that’s honestly got to do with three things: their dynamic, thematic cohesion, and potential.
(You know what... you know what, it’s four things. The fourth is they’re so aesthetically pleasing together and individually. Like, they’re just good looking people [specifically when they’re grown but they’re also cute kids] and that absolutely doesn’t hurt) (but it’s not the Point, it’s just nice to point out sometimes)
The dynamic is hard to get into without also looking at the canon pairings, but I think I can do that without unnecessary bashing. It’s just that part of the magic of zutara is really highlighted by what they give to each other that their other relationships don’t.
First off, it’s classic enemies to (would be) lovers. The absolute truest form of it. It’s not too different from how CS started out: a rogue antagonist with a job to do—but no personal vendetta against the future love interest—who is deeply and emotionally invested in his personal storyline (revenge/redemption) with little regard for how it effects other people after his entire life and genuine good nature are marred by suffering, and a fierce warrior girl with a strong moral compass and her own personal investment in stopping him (protect her family and save the world doing it). Obviously frustration and animosity grew between them by the nature of them being on opposing sides, but that just lends itself to the sweetness of their later reconciliation.
The thing is that while they’re wildly different on the surface (he’s a hot-headed prince of a fascist regime who is trying to capture the Avatar to please his father; she’s a nurturing daughter of the chief who is trying to protect and train the Avatar in order to topple his father’s throne) they find out that they have so much more in common both in their experiences and their personalities.
(What follows is an excessive use of the word “both” and I’m sorry about that)(I can edit it. I can do that. That IS an option............)
They both have an innate sense of justice that they are determined to see done (zuko, at the war meeting, sticking up for the Earth Kingdom kid when the guards torment his family, choosing not to steal from the pregnant couple despite his circumstances, abiding by his word to leave the SWT should Aang come willingly, etc.; katara, literally.... at any point). They both have pretty one-track minds at accomplishing certain goals once they’ve put their mind to it, regardless of a lack of support in that endeavor (it goes without saying I guess, but zuko’s entire hunt; katara’s determination to get the earth benders to fight back, her determination to absolutely destroy Pakku until he agrees to teach her, etc.). They both lost their mothers at young ages. Their worlds are war-torn and traumatizing to them both, if in different ways, but that ultimately forces them to grow up too quickly to be wholly independent individuals. They both have issues with their fathers (for WILDLY different reasons, but). They both hold extreme prejudices that they need to learn to overcome (which ties into thematic cohesion)(bit like Lizzie and Darcy in that way but magnified by a million). They’re both extremely emotional and empathetic—which can and often does result in loud outbursts. Katara’s a bit better adjusted and can temper her anger for longer than S1 Zuko can, but they both feel that anger deeply and have no compunctions expressing it (Katara is, usually, more justified, particularly in S1. Again, S1 Zuko is severely maladjusted but at the point when they could’ve feasibly become a couple, he’s so much better off with the way he carries himself). They both struggle with feelings of inferiority in their bending abilities when confronted with prodigal benders like Aang and Azula, but have the work ethic required to double down and become two of the most powerful benders in the three remaining nations. This is a little more minor but it is a parrallel that appeals to some shippers that they both have these alter egos in the Painted Lady (notably fire nation coded) and the Blue Spirit (water tribe coded) that are pretty different from who they are day-to-day and are useful in accomplishing a purpose that they as themselves cannot.
(I’m.... I just realized that this could potentially get very long. Should I have made a slide show with bullet points??????)
Anyway, similar. I know there’s more but there’s literally so much to love about zutara that I’ll drive myself a little crazy trying to compile all the ways they’re similar. (Just gonna say that at this exact moment I went back to add more similarities.... so okay then)
Once they’ve reconciled, we see how all of these things only lend themselves to a deeper intimacy together than they share with literally anyone else. There’s a steady partnership that positions them as the mom/dad of the gaang, while also providing the support necessary to allow the other to not have to carry so much responsibility. A lot of zutaras will point out how zuko is actually depicted doing the more domestic chores that are normally relegated to Katara once he joins the gaang, since the others in the group are two 12-year-olds and sokka. The one that sticks out the most is how he makes tea for the group and then serves them, while Katara is able to just relax with her friends around the fire. Fanon expands upon this a lot to Zuko helping with the laundry or the cooking or whatever else needs doing since he, as a once-refugee, is used to doing his own domestic tasks. Before Zuko joined, Katara was the one mothering everyone, sewing for them, cooking for them, etc. She’s always tending to the needs of the group, and that includes emotionally. She does the emotional labor for the gaang 99% of the time, but when she’s the one falling apart, she’s usually doing it alone and without the comfort that she normally provides for others. Until Zuko. And that’s before they’re even friends.
Which is WHY people romanticize the catacombs of Ba Sing Se so much. Katara is verbally attacking Zuko out of her own righteous anger but also her own prejudice when Zuko, surprisingly, chooses to be vulnerable with her. He’s been on a journey that’s opened his eyes a bit, but he’s never actively chosen to expose the rawest parts of his past to anyone. But for some reason he chooses to do that with Katara of all people. While she’s yelling at him. He sees her humanity, and for once can look past his prejudice and empathize with her. And this time, when she breaks down, she gets to be comforted. Katara normally talks about her mother when she’s trying to explain to someone else that she sees and understands they’re pain, as a form of comfort to them. Here, Zuko uses the exact same tactic. He sees her and he understands. And for zuko? He’s not being shut down. He’s allowed to articulate his pain regarding his mother without being ignored and made to internalize it, and he’s allowed to process how he feels about his scar out loud without being told that he deserved it. And then he lets her touch his scar, something we’ve seen him actively avoid before. He’s completely open to her and she’s completely open to him and all it took was one five minute conversation. She was about to use the little bit of Spirit water that she had, that she was saving for something Important, to heal the scar that still daily causes him pain just because they had, somehow, connected.
Plus there’s the whole parallel to the star-crossed lovers forbidden from one another, a war divides their people—
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And then zuko messes up, he regresses, he gets what he wants and he HATES it. And the sense of justice he had as a child has been restored to him against his will and he can’t think of anything he wants to do more than the Right Thing, so he joins team avatar. Before he does that though, we get to see his relationship with Mai, which is where comparison really comes in. And what we see is Zuko, fresh off of his encounter with Katara in the catacombs, trying to be emotionally honest with Mai... and getting shut down and dismissed. Which is just how Mai is and it’s fine, but not for Zuko. Still, he keeps trying, and he keeps getting ignored or scoffed at or yelled at. Which is really a larger symbol for how he doesn’t fit in his old life anymore, but again that’s about thematic cohesion. He tries to articulate his anxieties about returning home, he tries to make romantic gestures, he tries to explain how morally conflicted he’s feeling—and Mai diverts to some kind of physical affection to shut him up and a parting comment that is pretty much always, in essence, “I don’t wanna talk about this.” So they don’t. On the other hand, once zuko and Katara are friends, we see him again emotionally distraught and caught up in his anxieties about facing Iroh, and it’s Katara who comes to him and listens to him and comforts and encourages him.
Similarly, we have Aang clamming up and getting uncomfortable whenever Katara shows any negative emotion, usually resulting in him making excuses or running away. Or, in the case of the Southern Raiders, lecturing her on how she needs to just let go of her anger about her mother’s murder. People have talked this episode to death and usually better than I ever could, so imma... keep it brief. There’s a serious disconnect between Aang and Katara in his ability to empathize with Katara and her needs that has her tamping down her vulnerability and amping up her anger. He tells her that he was able to forgive his people’s genocide and appa’s kidnapping (petnapping? Theft??), which is blatantly not true but also not an entirely equal parrallel to Katara’s situation, and continues making these little remarks throughout the episode. But it’s Zuko that Katara opens up to. It’s with him that she’s able to talk about the most traumatic day of her life, and it’s with him that she’s able to get the closure she needs, cementing their bond as friends and partners. This disagreement between Aang and Katara is then... never resolved. They just never bring it up and hear what the other is saying.
There’s a fic called The Portraits of Ember Island that has a line that so completely sums up the heart of the matter for why people love their dynamic. For context, zuko has woken up early to help Katara with the cooking and they spend the whole time just letting one another talk, and zuko stops to ask why she always just lets him talk. And so she stops to ask why he’s always helping, and it goes as follows:
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There’s just... so much mutual support! Trust! Intimacy!! And it just continues like that from the Southern Raiders on, listening to each other, advising each other, watching each other’s backs! And then! Literally saving each other’s lives!! I will never be over the last Agni kai. Not ever. Zuko may have been willing to jump in front of lightning for anyone, but he actually did it for Katara. And in a show, that’s the thing that really matters. It’s a fulfilled trope usually exclusively applied to romantic pairings, and it ended up applying to Zuko and Katara. And then she ran out into the middle of a fight with tunnel vision just to get to him.
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Also!! Also Zuko pushing Katara out of the way of the falling rocks at the Western Air Temple!! And Katara catching him as he fell from the war balloon that he fought Azula on!! Before they’re even getting along, they’re the ones reaching for each other. They come to this place of equal ground, as partners, who watch each other’s backs, call each other out but still listen attentively and understand, and provide the support that the other has been sorely lacking up until they knew each other (whether that be from lack of effort or lack of understanding from others, or an unwillingness to accept it for themselves).
Then, trailing along under the surface of this, we see the themes of the show totally embodied by Zuko and Katara as individuals and in their relationship to one another. There’s a YouTuber, sneezyreviews, who has a, like, 2-hour explanation on why she not only loves zutara but also believes that their endgame would’ve actually elevated the writing of atla to new levels particularly because of thematic cohesion and resolved character arcs. It’s the zutara dissertation I never knew I needed, and it’s funny and eloquent and effective, so I’m just going to sum up her section on thematic cohesion to the best of my abilities and then link it for whenever you have the time. And I HIGHLY recommend it, especially if you want a full understanding of what makes zutara so great and gives it such longevity.
Guru pathik has a line that goes something like this: separation is an illusion; things that seem different are just two parts of the same whole. Iroh also tells Zuko something similar: balance and strength are achieved when the different nations come together and influence one another and celebrate what makes them each unique. And this lesson is a massive central arc that both Zuko and Katara go through, moving past a black-and-white, good guys-vs-bad guys, us-vs-them mentality and into a greyer, more nuanced view of the world. Zuko sees the fire nation from an entirely new perspective and while he still loves and hopes for his nations future, he surrenders his blind loyalty to them in exchange for an unflinching loyalty to peace and love. Katara too had to come to terms with the fact that cruel people exist in the earth kingdom and water tribes, while some fire nation citizens are just regular, kind people who also need and deserve to have someone speak on their behalf. And this is honed in directly on how they view each other. They grow in their individual journeys to be open to the humanity in the other and then, once they’ve found that, they’re able to grow more in compassion for others in a beautiful feedback loop. And this is all matched in the symbolism repeatedly and intentionally associated with them in canon: sun and moon, fire and water, yin and yang, Oma and Shu who found love despite their warring nations. Their individual arcs are completed in each other and complement the themes of atla beautifully.
The canon pairs... just don’t. Which, again, is fine. But the very things that give atla longevity and popularity are anchored in zutara. Kat@ang doesn’t accomplish this. They’re... nice. Sweet. Especially when you erase a good portion of their interactions in S3. It could’ve been just a sweet love story. (Personally, the dynamic between toph and aang accomplish the same thing that zutara does, with complementary personalities that fulfill the theme of opposites blending in harmony) M@iko, on the other hand, is less sweet but I think wasn’t even supposed to last. Zuko’s relationship with Mai seems to represent his relationship with his old life as a whole. He can’t be emotionally vulnerable, he’s goaded into abusing his privileges, his agency and opinions aren’t respected. They just don’t have common ground with which to discuss anything that matters, so they don’t. As far as themes, the relationship doesn’t fit with atla. It’s zuko returning to and sticking with what is (on the surface) like him, what’s expected. Fire nation with fire nation. Fluid water bender with the flexible air bender. Like with like, separated from what is different and challenging and complementary.
And all of these things combined of course lead to the potential for the ship. I don’t know how familiar you are with the post-atla canon but... well, miss “I will never turn my back on people who need me”, miss “I don’t want to heal! I want to fight!” ends up living quietly in the SWT as a designated healer who turns a blind eye to the water tribe civil war happening right outside her front door. Which can be fine! People change! Some people just wanna stay inside. I just wanna stay inside! But the potential future for zutara is so much more satisfying, with Katara becoming the most unconventional Fire Lady the uppity old cads who are stuck on the old ways have ever seen. Fanon has her serving as a voice for the other nations within a kingdom at the point of its biggest political upheaval, as a confidante to Zuko who can actually help him while he’s trying to figure out how to move forward and make reparations. They have the opportunity, together, to accomplish what they both have set on their hearts to fight for: positive change that lends itself to harmony and balance. And the steambabies! A popular headcanon is that their firstborn daughter, the crown princess, is actually a waterbender, which causes such an uproar among the people who are adamantly clinging to the old ways. It’s just a future full of potential to be forces for good together, full of trust, intimacy, joy. The exact era of peace and love and balance that zuko announces that he intends to ring in with the start of his reign as Fire Lord is, again, magnified by the very personal zutara relationship. And we love to see it.
tl;dr zutara isn’t for everyone. Some people just don’t vibe with it. Some are nostalgic. Some love the canon they grew up with. Some have been disappointed for years. Some just see themselves in other characters and want their happiness instead. Whatever the reason, that’s fine. But for me, I love the way these two, from the moment they give each other a fair chance, are able to lower their walls and prejudices to see the other for the kindred spirits they are. They see each other’s humanity, and their response is to pour out love and support and compassion. I love that they’re a power couple in battle. I love the symbolism and, honestly, soulmatism that colors their every interaction. I love that they embody the whole storyline of atla in their relationship and how it develops, which is notably why their seasonal arcs always culminate in each finale with how they relate to one another. I love that zuko adopting a waterbending move is what actually saves his life and then katara’s. I love the chemistry! And I love the future they could’ve had, instead of the ones they were given.
So, in conclusion: I just think they’re neat and I hope you do too, at least a little bit. Even if it’s just respectfully from a disinterested distance cause you do you. And now here is the video I mentioned. I’m sorry this post got so long and then I gave you an even longer homework assignment, but I can’t recommend it enough. She says it all better than I can.
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saltwatersweetner · 4 years ago
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End Me
Eren x Reader
A Prequel of Sorts. Eren never fought for control preferring the security of your hold on him but you could never fully domesticate a wild animal it seemed.
Part 1 Part 3
CW: Manipulation, Toxic Relationship, Attempted Murder, Unhealthy coping mechanisms all in all mildly unsettling themes.
Eren knew how to be good—painfully so. He also knew how to be bad—concerningly so. He was a creature of habit. He did whatever he decided was best for him at the moment and maybe thats what lead you to your current stare down.
“Eren I said move.”
“Fuck what you said.”
Frowning you tried to think what honestly could have brought this mood upon him. It couldn’t have been because you were going out he always understood your random need to socialize. You also can’t remember purposefully setting him off, not in the mood and you weren’t completely cruel to ignore his random—even for him mood change—more in tune to your partners mood swings and emotions than you were to you own.
Carefully reaching out for him you raise an eyebrow when he moves away from your—for now—gentle touch “Are you really upset or just being a brat?”
“Stop talking to me.”
Huffing you choose to ignore his attitude and slip your coat over your shoulders just in time for a knock to be heard from the front door. With Eren on your heels you open the door for your friend.
“Y/N I called but you didn’t answer so I just came up.”
You get a flashback of Eren throwing a tantrum not even 30 minutes ago and launching your device from you 6th floor apartment “Yeah I dropped my phone off the balcony but lets go—Eren be good.”
His glare turns even more deadly when Reiner politely wraps an arm around your shoulders. Closing the door behind you Reiner laughs into the quiet hall “Be good? What is he your dog?”
“Something like that.”
Reiner was a friend an attractive one at that and Eren didn’t like it at all. He hated anyone that was even remotely close to you because you already didn’t like anyone but with Reiner it was different. You let him touch you and hold you.
Eren hated it, he hated it so much—and to make matters worse you didn’t care about his feelings—not one bit.
After a night of bar hopping and watching Bertholdt make a fool of himself in front of Annie, Reiner once again brought you home.
“It was nice seeing you, without your guard dog.” The face he made at the thought of Eren wasn’t a nice one.
“Aw sweetheart don’t be mean.” Reaching up you hold his warm cheek in your slightly chilled hand.
You knew jealousy when you saw it, could detect the slightest change of emotion when it was presented to you. He leans into your hold like a cat seeking out affection—much different than Eren’s wild way of seeking you out.
“Don’t be jealous my dear use your words.”
Reiners face was slowly moving closer to yours and you smirk in amusement. It would seem you had a knack for catching the attention for boys who were looking to be controlled.
“Y/N....”
Your door swings open before Reiner can kiss you and Eren is looking beyond livid. Reiner freezes his fight or flight telling him to run but you keep him steady with your palm.
“Were you waiting for me?”
Eren’s nod is slow and deliberate his eyes still glaring at the nonexistent space between you and the blond.
“Then that ends our time together, goodnight Reiner.” He shivers in what you think is glee from the acknowledgment of the time you spent with him.
“Goodnight.” He doesn’t acknowledge Eren any longer and hurries out to the elevator.
Turning back to the aforementioned boy you make a motion with your wrist “Move.”
When he eventually does get out of your way your hyper aware of the way he sticks to you almost like glue. Throwing your coat over the back of your couch you stretch and lead him to the kitchen.
“You hungry? All I’ve done is drink tonight I could really eat—“
He swings you into the wall by the neck. The alcohol in your system made it incredibly difficult to feel the pain you knew was blossoming up your back so all you could do was stare at the man before you.
You saw the endless sea of madness that unlike you he didn’t bother to cover up. Everyone found the look endearing on him like he never left that childishness behind but you knew the truth.
You could slowly feel yourself starting to suffocate. You didn’t bother panicking because as it had it Eren had all the power right now. If he or you moved the wrong way your neck was as good as snapped.
“Why did you let him touch you?”
Putting a calm hand on his wrist you try and fail to alleviate some of the pressure being forced down on your windpipe “Why. Does. It. Matter.”
Eren was breathing unevenly stuck between fighting his impulses and actually causing some damage “You’re mine you’re—you’re not supposed to—“
“Says. Who?” That makes him let go.
As it would have it you and Eren weren’t dating in any shape or form but he belonged to you. You brought him pleasure that he couldn’t find anywhere else. He was entirely devout to you and you only, all on his own fruition. From the moment he’d accidentally bumped into you and saw through the mask you wore. From the moment he stalked you from the moment he’d shown himself to you begging for salvation.
He wanted to play the game—wanted to be entertained in the morbid way regular people would get sick to their stomachs at—and you let him. You found him amusing enough to keep around but you refused to belong to anyone but yourself.
He was losing the game and fast. As his god you couldn’t be bothered with feeling bad for him.
“Now we can eat or you can sit here and starve whats it gonna be?”
Eren looked terribly unwell like he was about to fold in on himself “u-um eat please.”
You’d never seen him look so unsure before and it made you excited. How would he cry for you next? Would he try to fight more, yell and scream? Or would it be silent and broken?
Flicking your wrist you busy yourself in the kitchen “Good choice, go sit.”
He does as he’s told mumbling words to himself along the way. Was it cruel? Maybe. But you couldn’t be bothered considering how much of a thorn in your side he’d been all day.
You wanted to break him more and till he was nothing but crushed up stars slipping away in the wind. You almost felt bad for how much you were going to ruin him.
But he was your property after all to do with what you wanted. No one could stop you even if they tried. Especially because he let you and thats what made keeping him around so worth it.
You didn’t have the capability of feeling anything close to love no matter how fond of the boy you actually were. So you settled with ownership—they were damn near synonymous anyways.
So you proceeded as normal—well as normal as you are. You order the food you feed him and you move on to wash the dishes. He’d eventually get out of his feelings because he didn’t have the mental capacity to dwell on certain emotions for too long. It was all but routine now.
“Eren bring me whatever dishes you left lying around.”
“...ok.”
Filling the sink with a mixture of water soap and a drop of bleach you wait patiently for the boy to bring what you requested. Turning off the tap You almost get impatient when it seemed like he was taking forever.
“Eren—“ you’re grabbed by the back of the head and shoved face first into the sudsy water.
You try with all your strength to get your head out of the sink but Eren just doesn’t stop. He’d never...hurt you before? Never acted out in this manner it startled you maybe.
And you were slowly but surely drowning.
When he finally does let you up you drop to the floor taking in large gulps of air. Your eyes stung from the mix of bleach and soapy water and you were suddenly freezing.
“Dont,” you look up to eren to see he once again wore that livid expression.
“Dont you ever think about leaving me do you understand?” His breathing was already heavy but now it was slowly turning into hyperventilation. “I’ll kill you I’ll fucking kill you if you ever l-leave me.”
You watched him begin to sob, dropping on his knees he crowded closer to you looking every bit of the victim he made himself.
��Im sorry I’m good I’ll be good I swear!” He tries to touch you but you smack his hands away making him sob harder.
You knew Eren you knew him. His inclination of violence had never been towards you and yet?
“Hit me hit me hit me im sorry please im good I promise.”
Those were the only words that made sense to you in the moment. You were a violent creature by nature one who prioritized your own life before anyone else’s, you’ve never done anything you didnt doubt you’d be able to get out of and yet? Eren had surprised you and not in a good way.
Your eyes come back into focus and you see the pitiful look he wore as if he hadn’t just almost killed you “Hit me please?”
And so you do.
You punch him right in the face with all your strength causing him to fly back against the tiles and you don’t stop there. You let out all the frustration from your near death experience out onto his body completely aware of the blissed out smile he now sported.
Regardless your mind was going 1 million miles per hour as one thing became clear. Eren was slipping out of your control and fast. One day you feared he’d be the one in control and that wasn’t a game you wanted to play.
You’re in control.
You were IN control
You not him.
You.
You freeze. Fist inches from his face.
It was like your body was in forced reboot you couldn’t move your thoughts finally spiraled too far and too fast for you to reach.
You weren’t in control?
Starring at the needy expression on his face you came to the horrific realization that maybe you’d been playing in his hands all this time. He’d been able to get anything he ever wanted out of you—he knew it too.
Did you really—no you couldn’t be right?
“I’m good see?”
Wrong—you were in so fucking deep.
Slowing your breathing you lower your once trembling fist “Get. Out.”
“Huh?”
Climbing off his chest you wipe the remaining water off your face “Get the fuck out I dont wanna see you.”
Eren hadn’t expected this outcome considering how hurt he looked “B-but where am I supposed to go?”
It was a stupid question you both knew he had his own dorm to himself but he’d been so used to sleeping with you every night that he couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.
Rolling your eyes you til your head “I dont care.”
“I cant sleep without you.”
“Cry about it.”
Hauling his shocked form up and out of your home you slam the door shut and immediately turn all three locks ignoring his soft cries from the other side.
Pulling at your wet shirt you could feel the breakdown coming. How did he do it? How’d he make your carefully crafted control snap?
Going into your room you lock that door as well before snatching the throw blanket from the end of your bed and a pillow. Going into your walk-in closet you close the door behind you and navigate in the dark to the farthest corner and sit.
You sit and sit and sit and sit and sit...and then you scream.
You scream until your lungs are raw and your voice is gone and you’re not sure when exactly you started scratching at your face but the stinging thats left behind is brutal.
You needed to think.
You needed a plan.
You needed—fuck you didnt know.
But you did know Eren was about to become a much bigger problem.
51 notes · View notes
justalokifanaccount · 3 years ago
Text
Episode 2-Play by Play Reactions (Spoilers)
Ooooooh mysterious...
Oh so this variant can (at least briefly) cont people with a simple touch? No need for a scepter?
I NEED A HEROOO!
Oh this variant is taking that lady away? I wonder why
Miss Minutes is gonna move me to violence
Loki is me studying
Hahahahaha get her Loki!
Loki, leave Mobius’ magazines alone
Wow he got into the work force rather fast huh? Bit of a whiplash type scenario considering the end of episode one
No, YOU’RE a cosmic mistake! 😤 my boy looks hot regardless
Sooooo Loki is the most common variant? Why does this not surprise me?
Is... is he a football cup champion??? Omg 😂
Smart boy. Illusion projecting is different than duplication casting. Neato. LISTEN TO MY SMART BOY. RESPECT HIM.
Dude loves wheeling
Yea Loki. Work on getting to the time keepers. Overthrow the government.
Dude is smart with these questions.
Propaganda is INDEED exhausting so that’s fair
Fist hostage... maybe he’s (or she?) gonna use her as a body transfer like Loki in the comics with Sif?
Oh please let this be a genuine smart Loki moment and not just setting him up as a joke and embarrassment...
“Where there are wolf’s ears, wolf’s teeth are near.” Good to know basic mammalian anatomy is still applicable to Asgardian wolves...
Cmon Loki do something cool. Please. Please Loki. Please.
Preach my man, but please, do something cool. My anxiety that you’ll be turned into a joke is spiking.
Is he actually waiting outside or is Loki really just trying to mess with them and throw them off? Or is he just being too cocky for his own good and it’s gonna mess him up? Please please please don’t disappoint me. I have merch for this show already that I can’t return
Bargain baby, bar again. Do it.
Is he actually concerned for the time keepers orrrrrr
Dangit Mobius
Does... being reset... hurt?
Bye C-20 I guess... for now? We’ll see
Of course it’s a friggin theremin that’s playing
Mobius x Judge Renslayer? Oooooooh. Tsundere Renslayer.
Use a coaster my man
Oh her first name is Ravonna
Controversy is the best thing though
You can never understand this Loki. As soon as you begin to understand, he changes. He’s unpredictable.
“I know you have a soft spot for broken things.” Ah, so this entire fandom then?
“But Loki is an evil, lying scourge.” YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU WENCH!
“That is the part he plays in the sacred timeline.” Well you clearly haven’t been paying enough attention to the files then, hm? Here, let me redirect you to one of the many character analyses I’ve written. Now if you read here........
He doesn’t need to change. He’s already not evil
I don’t trust Renslayer or the time keepers... or Renslayer WITH the time keepers... I think she plays a bigger, antagonistic role than I thought.
You just TRY and delete him Mobius... just... TRY... I will find a way to break the fourth wall and no time keepers can keep you safe from the rage of a million fan girls. Nothing... we don’t need magic...
Omg Loki just sitting there in a chair outside the office like a kid while their parent is talking with the teacher about their “recent behavior”.
Cmon Loki, you don’t need to make excuses or impress him.
My poor boy is SOOO out of his zone.
Tbf mobius, you ASKED. You asked what makes him tick.
Hey hey hey, let’s not gaslight my boy...
The Loki is... uhhh something... gotta keep my hopes up. Trust in Tom Hiddleston...
Mobius showing his true colors...
Please Loki... be badass... not just a joke... please please please... PLEASE!
Mobius, play nice.
I hope this “superior” Loki thing, if it is a female, isn’t a desperate attempt at feminism pandering, chocking up her “superiority” to being female. Please give the characters real stories. Flesh them out.
Juice box time?
No?
More homework?
Bugger...
The sass is off the charts
Librarian lady gonna get killed
Oh boy
Pffffft—
I miss Casey.
Hey don’t ignore Loki. That’s rude.
Bell is the answer?
Poor Loki. Stop trying to fit in. You are best when you are genuinely yourself.
What’s to stop Loki from grabbing the other files?
Homework... I thought I escaped this when I graduated...
Whatcha seeing there?
Oh...
Bye bye Asgard...
Cmon... not more feels.
AGGHHHHHHHH
Please allow him confirmation of Thor’s survival and beating of Thanos!!! He needs that confirmation! He needs that reassurance.
Hear him out Mobius.
“He’s hiding in apocalypses.” Sooooo is that why they go to presumably Mount Vesuvius? I assume?
Mobius, let Loki have your salad.
Rip salad
CASEY
Casey’s juice box
Poor Casey and mobius salad...
Loki, your logic astounds me.
Well, pushing Hulk off of the bridge WOULD have an effect...
VESUVIUS HERE WE COME
He hasn’t really stabbed anyone in the back... except Thor... but not 50 times
Pompeii, here we come!
Ooooooh we gonna see Loki dance with a lady? 😏 get ittttt
Well, if you do cause a branch, can’t you just reset the timeline?
CAUSE SOME CHAOS MY LOVELY MAN
OMG IM HEARING THE LOVE OF MY LIFE SPEAK ITALIAN
I can die happy now
Loki... you look insane.
Uhhh run
Okay you’re good
Sleepy Loki
Let him sleep!
Soooo, I mean, technically, Loki’s actions would still cause the timeline to change, but said change wouldn’t have an impact on the future, just the current moment... so shouldn’t it still be detected by the TVA? At least as a little fleck?
Jet skis?
Omg I just snorted at Loki begrudgingly agreeing with Mobius that jet skis are awesome
Mobius offending my History Teachers for 50 minutes straight... that’s it. That’s the episode.
Mobius really in love with jet skis for some reason
We better get to see Mobius on a jet ski
Fighting for jet skis?
Lol mobius has a point about the magical Asgardians and Jötunns
Glorious purpose
Cmon Loki, destroy this man’s beliefs.
OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT
DO IT
TEAM UP AND THROW THE TIMELINE INTO CHAOS
How would you know what the time keepers are doing when you’ve never met them?
How can you meet in peace at the end of time with no chaos?
“You see, I know something children don’t. That no one bad is ever truly bad. And no one good is ever truly good.”
Mobius, don’t patronize my boy. Go jet skiing.
“I know.” Oh good, that point in the trailer was edited.
No candy on Asgard? Poor Loki.
May the best man win? Well that automatically means Loki.
Getting National Treasure vibes
Love you
Alabama will still exist in 2050? That’s disappointing.
Roxxcart.
Loki is very smart. Thank you show.
Renslayer, if you claim Mobius is your friend, trust him.
Kachow!
“For all time.” “Always.” TVA is definitely a cult.
Weapon?
WEAPON!
...weapon???
no weapon...
Meanie...
Are we gonna see what this Loki variant looks like?
I have a feeling this variant is gonna be the female, blonde (I’m so sorry, at the moment I forget her name) in those pictures we saw. Guessing because 1) she was wearing a Loki outfit. 2) her and tom Hiddleston were wet in that picture as if rained on 3) the scene when they enter Roxxcart occurs when it starts to rain due to the upcoming massive storm. So I’m placing all of my money on the table the Loki variant is Lady Loki. Blonde, for some reason. (Or maybe she just didn’t have a wig on in the picture of her we saw?)
Yea please don’t prune this Loki.
Storms a brewing
Good to know Alabama, at some point, does get destroyed. That’s comforting. (Btw this is a joke. I have nothing against Alabama lol. Idk why my brain thought this was funny lol.)
All wet and rainy.
HAHAHAHA USE THAT MAGIC BABY
LET MOBIUS STICK WITH LOKI
Ooh ooh! Is Loki gonna use powers to yoink the roomba here?
Uh oh. Forgot to take into consideration that most big businesses, especially stores, have security cameras, huh?
Times ticking...
Wait was that a reset charge?
Awkward silence
Spookyyyy
Poor dude lol
Or not
Hmmm
Oh???
I RECOGNIZE THAT MAGIC!!! ITS HER!!!
HUNTER (forget her number) IS THE LOKI VARIANT!!! When was she replaced? Or was she always the variant?
That or the other Loki is projecting herself into the hunter? Maybe used the shopping dude as a conduit?
Moment of realization
Smiling contest
No no, Tom Hiddleston’s Loki is superior. I don’t care who else tries to play Loki, Tom IS Loki.
Oh no
Baby crying?
These poor people...
No need to be rough
Is Mobius genuinely caring
Oh... poor C-20
Team up please? Please?
Ah so they really can just send themself into any body they wish, huh? Just by touch?
Loki, learn that trick please.
Sooo, is the other variant Loki’s body tangible? Do they project their conscience into other bodies via touch, or do they not have a corporeal body and rely on others to exist?
Doctor Who vibes
TEAM UP PLEASE
YES
Please
Please?
Offended by Loki name?
Haha sympathy for Thor
Go randy.
Soooo what are you interested in if not ruling the TVA?
Who’s that planting charges? The real body of the other variant Loki?
You okay C-20? (Off topic her actress reminds me of the actress who played Ava Star aka Ghost in Ant-Man and the Wasp) what is real and what about it is so mind capturing for you?
Oh no
Poor girl
Cmon B-15
Hello?
Reset charge
Oh? Bye bye?
HEY!
That’s rude
I miss Randy too
Cmon Loki fight like the badass I know you are
Please
HAHA! TELEKINESIS
Cartwheel WEEEEE
Oooh he swore
Lokis have a pattern of swearing only while taking other peoples forms
Cmon Loki. Go back to mobius. Help them. Prove your goodness. Please.
Poor trucker man
Hello?
Hello!
Fave reveal?
I KNEW IT
Oh????
Flashlights?
RUN!
Is this actually a Loki variant or just sylvie? Or Amora?
Uh oh...
What’s happening
Is she absolutely destroying the timeline?
Poor Doctor Strange. I wonder if he knows about the TVA?
Loki is all alone? Why is he standing still?
Where is she going?
Cmon Loki... help them please...
Loki...
CLIFF HANGER
NOOOOO I CANT WAIT ANOTHER WEEK AGHHHHHHHH
Are they gonna be okay?
How is the variant traveling?
What is her goal?
Why is Loki going after her?
Why is Loki leaning towards the apparent evil side?
Is this actually lady Loki or sylvie or amora since her hair is blonde?
WHAT IS HAPPENING???
So much just happened in so little time. It’s like Marvel wants to slowly spoon feed us with the first 3/4 of the episode and then in the last 1/4, they waterboard us.
Why is this female Loki variant so much more powerful?
So Loki DID know what was going on at the Renaissance fair and was intentionally stalling for her... why?
Her horned helmet is similar to the one kid(?) Loki wears in the comics. One horn broken. How did that happen? Why does she still wear it, especially if she doesn’t want to be called Loki?
No end credit scene yet.
23 notes · View notes
lord-explosion-baku · 5 years ago
Text
Opia Night 2
Vampire!Shinsou x reader
Warnings: alcohol mentions, mentions of blood, dumb mc, campy vampire bullshit, swearing
A/N: ahhhhh. okay. so. this was a tough write. I think I got stuck because i started taking myself too seriously and then i just started throwing words out left and right. this is very back and forth, no-goal-reached, bullshit. I mean, getting from point A to point B is r o u g h, bro. Im SO SORRY. I was trying to make this natural and it just AINT. she’s messy today and it’s fine. Gotta just post what we can when we can lmfao. SOO! I’m aware that this chapter isn’t good, but I do hope that you find it entertaining regardless! I promise Night 3 will be better!
(PLEASE DO NOT REPOST MY WORK ANYWHERE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION)
Night One
Night Two
You woke up to your phone buzzing next to your head on your pillow. Once, twice, and the third double-vibration made you realize that you were not going to be going back to sleep any time soon. Blinking at your window, you groaned at the flecks of dust that were lit up by the golden remnants of twilight. You’d slept most of your Friday away after slaving away on your school work Monday through Thursday. You tried telling yourself that you deserved the rest, but sleeping through sunlight has become habitual to you when you had nothing else going on. When you woke up from your coma, you would usually sleep some more. Usually.
The phone on your bed was alight with three unread messages, all saying something different, but with the same invitation handed out:
Kirishima(7:02): hey :)
Sero(7:07): you busy?
Kaminari(7:15): babe! partaaay tonite!!!! come over!
Again, you groaned.
The last night you’d spent over at their house was a complete disaster. You totally embarrassed yourself by screaming out of nowhere. Or so it seemed to have come out of nowhere to everyone else who heard you; what you thought you had witnessed went completely unnoticed to everyone at the last party. But to you, it was so vivid.
Purple-haired-couch-kid. Fangs. Blood.
You completely freaked and locked yourself in the bathroom. It took both Kirishima and Sero to coax you out after you battled the idea of calling the cops to their house. When you came out, there was a swarm of kids eyeing you like you were crazy. You asked to see Kodai. She appeared. She was unharmed: no blood, no marks, no recollection of any handsome boy who took a bite out of her wrist. Kamianri’s garage-sale couch had been occupied by no extremely handsome man, and there were no purple-haired people to be seen at the party afterwards.
It wasn’t something you could have imagined unless your drink had been spiked, but you thought you were pretty careful when it came to open containers! And besides, who’d want to spike your drink with hallucinogens. Getting you high could have been a prank or someone thinking they were doing the rest of the party-goers a favor, but to what you could tell, nobody else was seeing shit. So maybe you were crazy. Maybe there was no alluring voice speaking to you in your head, and your psyche had suddenly broken out of the damn blue. In the psychology class you took freshman year, you learned a lot about different mental illnesses that cause hallucinations and paranoia. Maybe you had to get yourself checked out.
Your phone buzzed again.
Kaminari: Kiri is gonna be real bummed if you don’t come :”(
Well, that was on him. You couldn’t really imagine why you would receive such a welcome invitation to another one of their parties after the big fuss you made. After you realized Kodai wasn’t in trouble, you stormed home; you lived close enough, so it was fine to leave your car there. You didn’t speak to anyone about what happened afterwards, so you were sure you’d be snubbed by your friends for at least a little bit. You figured that… if they wanted something else from you, maybe the rule of party fouls would be ignored.
You sighed, knowing that even though Kirishima definitely had a crush on you, he was still your friend and a great guy. You couldn’t think bitterly of him just because he might’ve wanted to kiss you on several occasions when you were just hanging out. You did sleep with him once, back in the day, but you both agreed to just be friends afterward. You were… kinda wild back then and didn’t like the idea of having a boyfriend. Kirishima tried to be understanding, but every now and then, you’d see him look at you with those sad, puppy-dog eyes.
There was a bleep! and you saw that you got a Snapchat notification from Sero. You pursed your lips and opened it to see a video of Kaminari singing your name, pushing Kirishima’s shoulder, and a chorus of several people making gross kissing noises at the two of them. You rolled your eyes and were about to close the video, but something—no, someone—in the background caught your eye.
You replayed the snap. There was singing, gross kissing noises, and him—right at the end of the video. He was only there for the last two seconds of the video, but those mesmerizing indigo eyes leering at the phone camera seemed to grab you by the throat.
You didn’t fucking imagine him. You didn’t fucking imagine him.
Sliding the screen to show the front-facing camera, you grimaced at your face. You rubbed the sleep out of your eyes and snapped a quick photo with the tag, ‘who is all there rn?’
Kaminari’s reply came instantly. It was another video of people hooting in the kitchen taking shots. Sero was sniffing at a rough-looking pineapple and Kaminari was yelling.
“Who is all here right now?!” Kaminari called and cheers came as a response. Kaminari turned the camera to face his grinning self. Kirishima was in the background checking his hair in the mirror. When he saw that the camera was in him, he flexed his arm, the dork. Then, Kamimari threw his arm around somebody, and pulled him into frame. You actually gasped.
“Why, the whole word is here, babe! Come overrrr!” Kaminari sang at you, but you weren’t paying any attention to him. Purple-haired-couch-kid was side-eyeing your drunken friend, but when he looked into the camera, he appeared to be amused. He wasn’t as dressed up as he was two weeks ago; he just had on a plane black T-shirt with the same ropey necklaces. The camera didn’t do his likeness any justice. The shadows under his eyes seemed to be much darker, and his skin was straight-up pale. Still, his gorgeous lavender eyes had you captivated. He was all you could see.
Purple-haired-guy’s ivory arm wrapped around Kaminari’s shoulder. He grinned, the whites of his teeth gleaming dangerously at the camera, squeezed Kaminari against him, and the video ended. You were too enamored to even thinking of taking a screenshot and you couldn’t replay the snap.
You cursed and covered your eyes with your pillow. You really were planning on sleeping the rest of the night away—maybe put on some cheesy soaps you could snicker at before zonking out. But now, it seemed, you didn’t have any choice but to go to the party. You had to see him.
A shower and a quick trip to the liquor store later and you were showing up to your friends’ rented domain with a six pack in hand. You entered without knocking. They never had the door locked; it was a constant open-invitation to ‘Denki’s Dank Crib’ as Kaminari wished people would call it.
You were immediately slapped in the face with human musk and you were glad to be wearing something more light: a white, chiffon top over your sunflower skirt with yellow, scrappy heels. It wasn’t everyday that you wanted to dress nicely, but as ridiculous as the concept was, if you did see the purple-haired-couch-kid… you wanted to look nice.
“Hey, you! Glad you could make it!” Strong arms pulled you into Kirishima’s hard chest. He smelled like sweat and old spice. He held you for two seconds too long, going so far as to rest his nose on the top of your head, before you pulled away, offering him a friendly smile. “Your conditioner smells nice!”
“Hah… thanks.” You grimaced.
“Oh, I’m sorry! That was really creepy! I’m sorry!” A slow blush bloomed on Kirishima’s cheeks. “I wasn’t trying to be weird. I might’ve had a few drinks already and I just… uh…”
Lending him a saving grace, you lifted the six pack up. “Care for another?”
“D’aww, you didn’t have to grab beer!” Kirishima grabbed the six pack from you. “I do love this stuff though! Thank you!”
“I couldn’t come here empty handed. It’s the least that I can do after what happened last time.” You started walking towards the kitchen, keeping an eye out for the purple guy or Kaminari.
“What happened last time?”
“You know,” you said while Kirishima cracked open a bottle, “when I had a freak out?”
“Freak out?” He offered you the bottle, but you shook your head. “What do you mean?”
You scanned the kitchen and saw only a few kids you didn’t know and Sero messing around with some frothy, yellow liquid in a beat-up blender. Looking to your right, you saw that there was nobody occupying Kaminari’s old loveseat. It wasn’t like you were expecting to see him there with what—Kaminari on his lap?—but it didn’t hurt to check.
“Like when I screamed and locked myself in the bathroom,” you said. “Then I left without saying goodbye.”
Kirishima’s brows crinkled. “I don’t remember you screaming or anything like that. You did leave a little suddenly, and I was bummed for like a minute, but that’s yesterday’s news. You’re here tonight!”
“Kiri, I was standing right next to you when I threw a fit. You don’t remember? You got me out of the bathroom.”
Kirishima shook his head. “Are you sure that was me?”
You were positive. You were definitely leaning on him, talking about how you didn’t need any boys, and Kirishima was warm like he always was when you touched him. You turned to look back at the couch and then you saw that purple guy bite Yui Kodai! Everyone heard you!
“You’re here!”
Sero zoomed towards you with two large cups of something in-hand. He gave you a bright smile and offered you one of the cups. “As soon as I heard you were heading over, I started making these! Piña coladas!”
“Oh…” you took the drink and gazed into the glass. It was yellow and mushy. Thinking back on your original theory—being drugged—you gave him a tight, closed-mouth grin. “What’s in it?”
“Uhh… Pineapple, coconut rum, and ice?” Seeing the unsure look on your face, Sero hastily added, “the pineapple was close to expiring, but I tasted it, and it’s still fine! Promise.”
“Did you even blend it right?” Kirishima asked, peering into your cup. “It looks like it’s breathing.”
“It’s not my fault our blender is janky!” Sero shot back. “I’m not the one who’s always making weird, keto-friendly protein shakes with, like, kale and shit added in every morning like some sort of psychopath.”
“It’s not crazy to be looking after my body. In fact, you could learn something from me!” Kirishima poked Sero in the ribs. “Skinny.”
“I’m not skinny,” Sero argued, flinching away. He lifted up his shirt to reveal his tight, well-kept abdomen. “I’m lean.” Sero smirked when he caught you staring.
“Alright, well, our girl only deserves the best service, and this ain’t it, chief.” Kirishima reaches to take the atrocity out of your hand, but seeing Sero’s dejected face, you pulled away.
“This is fine,” you promised warily. Beside yourself, you took a sip of Sero’s sloshy creation. You got a big chunk of pineapple in your mouth and chewed the rum out. The parts that weren’t chunks were all watery, like you were drinking straight rum. You forced yourself to smile. “It… tastes good at least.”
Sero was ecstatic. “Lovin’ your look, by the way. Yellow heels look good on you.”
Kirishima rolled his eyes and placed a hand on your back. “C’mon, you don’t have to be nice to him. Lemme make you something good in the kitchen.”
“Oh, wait, Sero. I wanted to apologize to you too!”
Sero raised a brow. “Apologize?”
“Yeah...” You turned your head from Sero to Kirishima, hoping for any sign of recognition. “For freaking out. Screaming. Locking myself in the bathroom. All those good things.”
“Oh,” Sero said. “Yeah, well, you’re forgiven.”
“So you remember!” You beamed.
Sero’s hand went to the back of his neck. “To be honest, I don’t remember a lot about the last party. I think Denki broke a table—“
“You helped him break the table,” Kirishima interjected.
“—aaand someone stole my good bong? That’s it. I’m sorry you had a bad time, though. Hopefully you’ll have more fun tonight! Kaminari bought a karaoke set. It’s got all the shitty songs they’re playing on the radio right now.”
“Where is Denki,” you asked, looking around. Damn it, if nobody remembered you screaming, at least you could count on Kaminari possibly getting the name of the kid who he had his arms around in that video he sent you.
“Off somewhere being a dumbass.” Sero waved his hand absently at the crowd of kids in the living room. “You wanna smoke? I just got a new bong and it hits pretty smoothly. Or maybe you wanna try karaoke? Though you would probably wanna get a couple drinks in before that, huh?”
“Ah, maybe later. I just gotta find Denki.”
“Why?” Kirishima asked suspiciously.
“I just gotta ask him something…” you pulled out your phone and dialed his number. It rang three times before getting to his raunchy voicemail. You scoffed.
“He could be up in his room,” Kirishima suggested.
“With a chick?” Asked Sero, amused. You made a face and Sero quickly corrected himself, saying, “I mean… with a nice lady?”
“Who’s to say.” You took a sip of Sero’s special beverage. It was gross, but you were here, and probably getting a little annoyed. You came out, so you might as well try to enjoy yourself.
“I’m sure he’ll come down eventually. If he really is with a girl, he’ll be down soon, and he’ll be hungry,” said Kirishima. “Hey, I’m gonna be ordering a pizza. Any topping preference? I was gonna get a few and wanted to make sure—oh, hey!! Bakugou!”
Your eyes followed Kirishima’s to see some grouchy-looking blonde kid coming in from the front door. You took advantage of both Sero and Kirishima greeting the guy with high-fives and fist-bumps, and made your way into the dining room where kids were playing a drinking game on a broken table.
You chatted a bit with a few kids you hadn’t met before, a girl whose name you forgot from the biology class you took last semester, and some guy who was so drunk you couldn’t comprehend a single mumble that rolled off his tongue. Nobody seemed to know where Kaminari was. Nobody seemed to have seen any boy with purple hair and an angelic face...
You scooted past three boys who were playing some stupid slapping game and into the living room. You sat down on the couch and checked in on your phone messages. It’s been two hours since Kaminari last texted you to come over. You thought about shooting him a text now, but—
‘Do you realize that all of the air in the room goes out when you walk in?’
You choked on air, as embarrassing as that was, and looked up, expecting to see someone who spoke to you. Nobody was paying you any mind for Kaminari's shitty couch, but you knew you heard that titillating voice, and it wasn’t because you were crazy.
‘Such a pretty little thing to be left all alone at a party. Did you lose your fan club?’
“Actually, I chose to sit here by myself,” you said aloud, minding the few people who actually turned to see you talking to yourself. You shrunk back into the couch and pretended to be taking a video of yourself.
‘Well, I’m sure. It’s a comfortable couch, afterall—better when shared.’
Oh, so this voice was a dirty, little thot. You clicked your tongue and texted Kaminari. ‘Hey, I’m here. Where are you?’
Kaminari(11:02): side yard.
Hopping up, you headed for the sliding patio door.
‘Eager to see your babe, babe?’
“Oh, shut up!” You hissed while walking outside and a girl watching a beer pong game frowned at you. You weren’t sure, you thought that you could hear a chuckle in the very far back-end of your head.
Kaminari was in the side yard, thank god. He was leaning against the house, staring absently at the side gate. He was alone, not on his phone or anything to keep him busy. He was just standing there.
“Hey, Kami!”
Kaminari barely turned his head towards you when he said, “hey...”
“I’ve been looking everywhere for you! What are you doing hiding away in the side yard?”
“‘m just chillin’. Waitin’ for my friend…”
“A friend?” You asked. “Kaminari, are you okay?”
“Of course,” Kaminari said, still staring at the side gate. “I’ve never been better… it’s a nice night…”
You stepped out in front of him. Kaminari didn’t meet your gaze; his yellow eyes were hazy and blank. You waved your hand in front of his face and he didn’t even react.
“Kami…”
“It’s a real nice night,” he repeated dreamily. “I‘m waiting for a friend...”
“What friend, Kami? Who are you waiting for?”
“Uhh… Dunno. He just left…”
“What does he look like?” You asked, growing impatient. Kaminari wasn’t the brightest, but he was never really this slow. There was something wrong with him.
“Hmmm… like the moon…”
“Denki.”
“...”
“I saw you near a kid with purple hair and a lot of jewelry in some of the snaps you sent, Kaminari. Do you know where I might be able to find him? He was at the last party too.”
“Yeah... That’s my friend…”
Thank god, thank god someone else knew who the hell you were talking about. “Do you know where he went?”
“To get a snack…” At that, Kaminari cracked a grin.
Fangs and blood flashed in your mind. You clenched your teeth together. If you remembered correctly, perhaps purple-haired-couch-kid’s idea of a snack wasn’t suitable for this party. You grabbed his wrist. “C’mon, let's go back inside. You need some water.”
But when you turned back to your house, you bumped right into what felt like a brick wall. But it wasn’t a brick wall. This barrier was a person whose ivory skin practically glowed an eerie white under the moonlight. This barrier was a person whose indigo eyes scanned you like a marauder finding his treasure. This barrier was a person whose flushed lips tugged up into a smirk when you shrieked.
Your stomach sank when he laughed at you after you leapt back and against Kaminari’s chest. Kaminari placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, as if he was trying to be reassuring, but his touch was too light and vacant to do much to calm you.
Goosebumps crawled up your skin when you took in couch-kid’s sudden appearance. You were mad at yourself for thinking that even though he was frightening in the dark, his sharp jawline was practically begging to be nibbled on.
Jesus, what the fuck was wrong with you?! You couldn’t be thinking about hooking up with strangers that bite while Denki was high and everyone else was forgetting shit! You shook your head and scowled.
“Sorry about that… didn’t mean to scare you.” Your heart did a little jump at hearing his voice for the first time. At least, you were pretty sure this was the first time you’d heard it. It did sound oddly familiar, but you couldn’t quite place it.  
Couch-kid held out his hand. For a second, you thought he was going to shake your hand, but then you saw that he was holding a wrapped cereal bar. Froot Loops. “Here you go, Denki.”
Kaminari’s arm snaked through the opening between your arm and waist to grab the treat. Your body nearly vibrated from being only just a couple inches away from Couch-kid’s finger tips. His arms were nice—white and long, but strong, with a few prominent veins running up them. Did he drink weird, keto-friendly protein shakes with kale and shit added in them like Kirishima? Why did you care?
“Oh man, thanks Shinsou. I was starting to get dizzy,” Kaminari said, unwrapping the sweet treat. You heard him crunching from behind you, and you don’t know why, but you were suddenly very irritated with his presence. You shouldn’t have been. There was obviously something going on with him and you should’ve been wanting to help him out, but then, you really wanted to be alone with Couch-kid. The thought just made you more agitated.
“Not a problem,” Couch-kid—Shinsou—purred. He didn’t look at Kaminari when he spoke; he was eyeing you.
“Shinsou,” you said, pulling at the hem of your skirt. Did he remember you? Did he think you were dumb for staring at him without saying anything for so long back at the last party?
“That’s me.” Shinsou grinned. This time, he took your hand, rather than offering his, and kissed the back of your wrist. You honestly would have swooned if you didn’t see him do the exact same thing to Yui Kodai just a short while ago. Still, his cool lips making contact with your skin made tiny electric currents shoot up from your arm, to your neck. You shuddered. “I don’t think we’ve officially met. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”
“The, uh… pleasure’s all mine?” That was what they said in the movies, right? Cheesy soaps, whomst? What a weird thing to say, anyways. Even still, as silly as that old-time greeting was, he could’ve easily said something as ridiculous as, ‘charmed, I’m sure,’ and you still wouldn’t have been able to muster out a bark of laughter like you would with literally anywhere else.
“Denki, didn’t you say you wanted to go sing some karaoke?” Shinsou asked, his eyes still on you.
“I did say that,” Kaminari said, taking another bite out of his cereal bar. “Karaoke sounds nice…” And without any ceremony, he started walking. Sliding past you, he made his way down the side of the house. Just like that?! He was going to leave you with a stranger?
You called, “wait! Kaminari... are you really okay? You were acting a little funky just a minute ago.”
“Mmm, yeah, I’m fine. I just really wanted cereal.” Kaminari wiggled the now empty bar wrapper in the air. “But Shinsou took very good care of me…” That faraway look returned to his eyes when he said, “I’ll catch you later, babe.” With that, he was gone, leaving you alone with a guy who simultaneously made the hair on the back of your neck stand up and your heart melt with a quirk of his brow.
Shinsou’s eyes scanned over you, up from where your hand was bunched up in your skirt, to your torso, your collar bones, your lips, then back down to your neck. Unease settled over you when his eyes finally met yours and you had to quickly look away. You wished that  you were anywhere else in the world. You also wished you could think of something, anything, to say to him, but asking about Kodai seemed to be so wrong to you, at the moment, and the last time either of you had interacted, you were about to hop into his lap!
Finally, you mustered, “do you know if he smoked anything? He really wasn’t acting like his usual self. I’m worried something might be wrong…”
“Not to my knowledge. He might’ve had a couple drinks though,” Shinsou said. There was another long pause, and you fought your brain to come up up a normal conversational topic, but Shinsou beat you to to the punch. “Is he your boyfriend?”  
“What? No!” You still couldn’t look him in the eye as you answered. You hoped that it was dark enough to be able to hide your flushing face. “He’s really just a friend.”
“He calls you ‘babe’, though.”
“Yeah, well, if you put a skirt on, I’m sure he’d call you babe too.” You shrugged. “He’s just a flirt.”
“You weren’t wearing a skirt at that last party,” Shinsou mused, which gave you a little rush. He remembered you. “And he still called you babe.”
You pressed your lips together to keep from smiling, but your humor rang out in your voice when you asked, “are you interested in him or something? Because I can go get him back for you, if you want. I’m pretty sure he dated a guy our sophomore year.”
Shinsou clicked his tongue, amused. “It’s not him I’m interested in. Not really my type.”
“Right, right,” you laughed, gaining more confidence. “Well, I haven’t seen Kodai here tonight, but I think I have her number saved. Would you like me to give her a ring? It’s the least I can do for you taking care of my poor, dumb not-boyfriend while I was away.”
You reached inside your purse to grab your phone. You really would have called her, but before you could even touch your phone, Shinsou’s fingers were wrapped around your wrist. You almost yelped. Shinsou’s fingers were much cooler than his lips were and it surprised you.
“I knew you were jealous,” he remarked darkly. Immediately, you yanked your arm free, but that only prompted him to grab your wrist from a newer angle. You narrowed in on him, ready to bite—he was someone you didn’t know grabbing you, so obviously you had every right to—but as soon as you gazed into his eyes, you were lost.
His pupils were abyssal; so dark that they appeared white. Looking at him, your body felt cool—numb almost. Beyond any control, your body relaxed which made you lose your tight grip of Sero’s shitty piña colada. You didn’t even care about the cold, sloshy mess splattering over your heels.
Shinsou backed you into the wall, his stare intense, his lips parted and amused. He planted his free hand on your arm and took his time running it up to your shoulder, your neck. The tips of his fingers lightly danced across your jugular, the pad of his thumb slowly running up and down the pulsing vein. He scrutinized you dangerously, daring you to move, to run, to scream for help. Not knowing whether you were scared or aroused, you let him touch you, though ‘let’ didn’t seem like the appropriate word. It was like you had no other choice. He wanted to study you, so he would, and you would not object. So naturally, when Shinsou slid his hand to the nape of your neck, you turned to grant him access to what you knew what he really wanted.
He first pressed his nose up against your skin and inhaled deeply. You shivered as he groaned, “I’ve been waiting for you for too damn long. My sanguine.”
When Shinsou’s lips pressed against your flesh, you melted. Every nerve-ending in your body set aflame; you were no closer to fleeing the scene than you were indulging in the sweet sensation that his kiss had to offer. His cool tongue traveled up your neck, sending waves of jubilant shivers down your spine. His fingers hooked around your shoulder as he deepened the kiss. You felt a tingling sensation warming up between your legs that was only a tiny bit eased when he lodged his knee between you. His hand slid down your back where he pulled you on to him more comfortably; held up by his thigh, his arm, and nothing more.
“Nhhh-“ you tried to object, like you should, like you knew you wanted to, but a carnal urge pulled at the strings of your willpower. Whether he kissed you, or killed you, you wouldn’t be able to deny him his satisfaction. You would give him, Shinsou, a stranger, anything he wanted at any given moment.
But when you heard your name called from inside, the spell was broken.  
You tensed. Shinsou’s lips froze against your skin. You felt his hands tighten around you protectively, possessively, and you knew you were in deep shit.
“Kiri,” you whispered despite wanting nothing more than to say another man’s name. Kirishima was looking for you and yet, here you were, in his side yard, with another boy. Perhaps you hadn’t changed as much as you originally thought you had.
“Don’t-!” Shinsou hissed when you tried to pull away. There was urgency in his voice, something unexpected from him. His eyes were desperate and hungry. Terrifying. It felt good knowing that he wanted to keep you, and that thought was more frightening than what you thought was his original intentions. Fingers slid their way to your waist, and Shinsou bowed his head, dipping in to kiss your lips, but before he could, your hand fell on his face.
It wasn’t a slap, no. You literally put your entire ass palm on his face to save yourself from a kiss you actually wanted.
“O-oh god!” You stuttered out. Beyond any responsible control, you shoved his head back. “I’m sorry!”
Finally freed, you bolted a good five feet away from him, back towards the house. Your assaulter gazed at you with surprise, sleepy eyes rounded in a sort of sincere, pitiful way, but you couldn’t let his dejection get to you. You swallowed harshly as you backed away from him and the wall, going against every fiber in your body telling you to stay put, to stay at his side, to let him satiate any and all needs that he had.
The thing is, you would have. Despite not being able to bark out the half-dozen questions you had for him (why do you bite people? Why can’t anybody remember you? Why do I think I can hear your voice in my head? Why the sudden smooches? What the fuck?) you would have stayed with him there, had you not heard your name called a second time.
“Leaving so soon?” Shinsou asked, gaining some composure, though as lax as he tried to make himself seem, there was an imperative note in his tone. “Don’t want to let your fan club down, I guess.” His voice was a shrug. “And here I thought you were going around asking about me.”
That was so excruciatingly embarrassing; being caught showing interest. Did he know how many people you spoke to? You wished you could wither up and blow away right then and there.
You glanced through the glass door to see Kirishima holding his phone up to your ear. A second later, your phone started buzzing. You ignored it.
“I guess I just wanted to know who you were, is all,” you said, a perfectly normal response. That was you: calm, cool, and collected—totally not willing to makeout with extremely hot strangers out of nowhere. “I haven’t seen you around before that last party…” which would be a perfectly fine segue into asking him why he bit Yui Kodai, if only you could will your body to ask!
“So you’re satisfied?”
“Uh-huh!” Not at all. Not at all. But that didn’t stop you from turning back towards the house.
‘Liar.’
Your body went cold. The voice rang too clearly to have been said aloud, but it was definitely his. In. Your. Head.
“What did you say?” You asked, turning back, trying to keep your tone steady. You didn’t know why, but you thought it would be bad if he heard your voice crack or squeak.
“I asked if you were satisfied. We barely got to converse and yet, you’re skittering away after making such a fuss about finding me. Why is that?”
“I’m not skittering away and—hey!” You put your hands on your hips. “You called me a liar just now, didn’t you?”
Shinsou placed his hands in his hips, mocking you. “I said no such thing!”
“Well, no, maybe you didn’t say it with your mouth…”
“What else would I have said it with? My hips?” He smirked. “Are you sure it wasn’t your own conscience calling you out?”
You scoffed. You couldn’t believe he was teasing you!” And what about your conscience?! Do you just go around attacking people’s necks out of nowhere like that as a hobby?!”
“Interesting choice of words,” he chuckled. “No, I wouldn’t say attacking people is a hobby, but more of a necessity. And I don’t usually go for the neck, either. I save that intimacy for victims who are a little more willing…”
‘Really, I wouldn’t want a single drop of you to run down your arms, anyways.’
“Willing?!” You started, incredulous. You pointed a shaking finger at him and continued with, “you really have a thing or two to learn about cons-!”
“Hey!” Kirishima was sliding the door to patio open. “I was looking for you! The pizza’s almost gone, but I saved you a couple slices.” He looked at you and registered the expression on your face. His eyes narrowed as he approached you. “Who are you talking to?”
But when Kirishima looked down the side yard, there was nobody there—just the slushy remains of your piña colada. He bent down to pick the cup up to see you shaken, wordless. “What happened?”
You could only shake your head. Because you didn’t know what happened—you didn’t know anything! Shinsou was there and now he wasn’t, and the more you tried to say anything on the matter, the more the words got stuck at the back of your throat.
“Hey,” Kirishima said, full of concern. He grabbed both of your trembling hands and wound his fingers through yours. That was intimate. Something sweet. Something that was supposed to be reassuring. What in the hell was supposed to be intimate about a guy you barely met narrowing in on your neck like that.
You sighed and allowed your head to fall against Kirishima’s chest. He wrapped his arms around you and held you close while that angry blonde kid, Bakugou, appeared at the doorway, munching on a slice of pizza (probably the last one.) He took one look at you, rolled his eyes, and walked away. Kirishima asked you what happened once more. You said, “I’d just really like to get home.”
“Let me walk with you,” Kirishima whispered. That would be pulling him away from his own party, but he didn’t seem to care about that. The world really needed more Kirishimas.
“Okay.”
Making your way through the house, you saw Kaminari in the living room slurring the lyrics to a lame song, Sero cheering him on while simultaneously recording every word, and Bakugou glaring out the front window. Kirishima quickly told Sero where the two of you were headed which made Sero form a tight line with his mouth. After seeing the stricken expression on your face, Sero seemed to ease up a bit.
Kirishima held your hand while he walked with you. He tried to make light conversation, attempting to get your mind off of whatever happened when you were alone in his side yard, but you couldn’t entertain him with idle chit chat. The entire walk home, you thought you felt somebody’s watchful gaze on you.
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magnusgoetia · 3 years ago
Text
Transcript of a Sinner’s Conversation: A Meeting with Caecus
--Begin (In Medias Res)--
Sinner: You kiddin'? Dyin' was the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Caecus: There’s nothing you left behind? No family to miss?
Sinner: My family? Fuck 'em, I'd ‘ave hired 'elp to kill 'em already if it meant they'd be dead-dead, and I wouldn't have to spend time wiv 'em down 'ere. It wouldn't be right for me to force this on my friends either, but they'll be 'ere in due time anyway. I can wait.
Caecus: So, you’re expecting your friends to join you here as well. The wait must be awfully lonely.
Sinner: Ah, not really. I’ve made friends while I’m ‘ere. The shit I can do ‘ere is like, fucking magic and with it I can make up for what I lack in a lot of different ways. Just wish I could remember how I ‘ad died.
Caecus: Maybe it’s better not to remember… Not all of us intended to be here, after all.
Sinner: No. No, perhaps it’s best not to remember. I quickly found out that it's not just evil folks that end up here, lots of good folks, plenty of weird ones too. I'm sensing you’re of the “gooder” ones, you radiate...well, it’s 'ard to describe, but I don't sense any hostility from you at the very least, even though you were born ‘ere.
Caecus: How amiable of you. But remember, a birth is just a new beginning of sorts. You couldn’t have been alone since you were… delivered to us.
Sinner: Ah, you’re a poetic type aren’t ya? Anyway, I’ve not made many friends but I do ‘ave a particular fondness for this one clown...me an' 'im seem to 'ave this weird connection wiv each other. Actually, he's more of a jester type, though rather embarrassingly his name escapes me...
Caecus: Are you, by chance, referring to an imp named Blocko?
Sinner: Yeah, don’t surprise me you know ‘im. He seems like the type to ‘ave a particular reputation.
Caecus: That he does, and yet a divine will connects us. I’m being led to believe your intriguing appearance has an even more… intriguing history.
Sinner: Riiiight...Well, you know what they say about skeletons and closets. Though I suppose I ‘ave nothing to hide ‘ere...Well, to put it simply, I was a broken kid. I never got help, and I did... unspeakable things to anyone who ‘ad wronged me—or simply didn't like.
Caecus: Even the purest of souls can be corrupted by another’s sins.
Sinner: Yeah...Well, it's not like I'll stop doin’ what I did while I was alive, with all that murder and hedonism. Though death has a way of humbling some people...In any case, the murders mostly stopped as I grew older. I seemed to have preferred to just traumatise people instead, ruin lives of the people I saw as bad or evil.
Caecus: Then you found a different punishment for those you had judged.
Sinner: I suppose so. A lot of it involved me spying on groups of people. I'd worm my way into the seedy societies that thought they were safe in their little circles and collect dirt on them. Really sick shit too by the way but don’t worry, the hypocrisy wasn’t lost on me either.
Caecus: Oh? You judged yourself a hypocrite yet continued along a path of self-appointed righteousness... Why?
Sinner: I don’t know, maybe a sense of catharsis? A lot of these were people who I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about killing or whatever. Sometimes it was more personal too, there were—still are people I am attached to up there that got hurt, and I took my revenge on them in their place.
Caecus: Ahh, how noble. Fighting for your friends.
Sinner: Yeah, there was this one particular bastard. Actually, there were a few…but…eh, nevermind…this one particular guy who was essentially lying to one of these “friends” and caused them a psychotic breakdown. I didn’t take action right away, but I did end up killing ‘im. Didn’t even bother hiding the fact it was a murder.
Caecus: What made you wait?
Sinner: Money, mostly. It makes the world up there spin, and you need a lot of it to get anything done, right? Well, I ‘ad to wait until I ‘ad enough money to fly to the states on top of all that shit involved in immigratin’. When I settled in, that’s when I made my move on a buncha grudges. This guy was just the first. Moving to the states made my life a lot easier in some ways. Was a lot easier to sleep when I took care of the grudges too.
Caecus: Oh, wow. You must have had remarkable resolve to keep a “grudge” that long… Tell me, did all of them truly deserve it?
Sinner: No, most didn’t, but I am…was, an angry person. I found I was very much capable of venting my anger, to put it mildly, and I was much too young when I had...shall we say...discovered it.
Caecus: Young minds are impressionable.
Sinner: Right, and the fact that I was generally good at getting away with it made me feel just that little bit better about it.
Caecus: So, you exploited that validation to continue justifying your actions. Most sinners in your position never reach awareness...
Sinner: Yeah? I’ll take that as a compliment, but I was totally emotionally disconnected when committing my crimes. Afterwards I pretty much always dealt with conflict. Cognitive dissonance is a bitch. Though I had largely stopped my ways. I’m ‘aving way too much fun down ‘ere, and even though I won’t drag ‘em down here with me, I’d love to have my friends join me eventually.
Caecus: Would they be pleased being here, embrace this existence like you have?
Sinner: I dunno, some of them have a hard enough time as it is with one existence, I doubt they’ll be too happy to find out there’s another waitin’ for ‘em. The others I’d imagine would be quite surprised all the same, being atheists and such, but I reckon they’d come to like it.
Caecus: An existence you cannot escape is itself a prison. Albeit, choosing to enjoy it in spite of that perspective is a marvelous thing. If you could imagine them in your presence, what would you do?
Sinner: Again, I dunno. It’s hard to tell when they’re not here yet but I am somewhat interested in what’ll end up happening should they get here. I dunno if I’ll be able to tell if it’s them even.
Caecus: And how do you dare to enjoy existence now?
Sinner: Well, I’ve been doing everything I’ve ever wanted to do but could never do in life amongst other things. It’s kinda embarrassing, but I played a bunch of video games, so I miss those quite a bit. I’ve found plenty of ways to fill that void though. Some of your movies are pretty sick down ‘ere, and importing goods from the other rings to ‘ere means I don’t miss out…mostly, on their fun too. I just wish I could explore the other rings; I don’t get why us sinners can’t.
Caecus: Decretum is often difficult to understand. However, it would seem a blessing that you’ve been placed with the multifarious company of the pride ring.
Sinner: True enough, whatever that means. There’s a lot of strip clubs, greedy businesses and shit, stuff you think you’d only find in the other rings. Though I think I probably would’ve ended up in wrath if we landed in the rings based on our sins.
Caecus: Most catechisms view wrath as an excessive anger. You strike me as having more control than the average sinner.
Sinner: A lot of people on the surface woulda said the same too, I was and I suppose still am really good at keeping it in check, well, good enough to not make it obvious anyway. Though it’s been a lot tougher down here.
Caecus: This is a realm of collective temptation, after all.
Sinner: My only judge here is myself and perhaps my peers if I let them. I still kill down here, but it’s been in self-defence. I don’t think I’ve killed anyone out of anger yet but let’s just say I’d feel sorry for the poor sod who happened to piss me off on a bad day.
Caecus: You’ve always been your own judge. I suspect the lack of good comparisons for your behavior here has coaxed you further.
Sinner: Actually, I could tell you about the first person I “killed” down here. It was soon after I woke up. I suppose this guy thought it’d be easy—fresh sinner, just in time to be another tally mark on some statistic.
Caecus: A second death, the lake of fire…
Sinner: Uh...yeah, I reacted on instinct and it musta been a sort of “kiss of death” type shit. I only touched the dude with my hand, and he just kinda…shrivelled up and died. You know…like when a cartoon character eats a lemo—ah sorry, you can’t watch TV.
Caecus: Ah, yes… a shrivelling death is nevertheless descriptive.
Sinner: Anyway, I have a bunch of other powers too but that one I’m most afraid of you know? I can drop the ambient temperature of an area so shit gets cold, have some form of telekinesis and a buncha other stuff, like I have some kinda control over this weird glowy energy, it’s how I have my eyes, which are purely for show, I don’t need them since I can see perfectly fine without ‘em...not that you’d know I even have ‘em.
Caecus: I’m aware you observe our world, in a traditional sense. My observations are just a bit more… unorthodox. And I feel as if your fear is not from a lack of understanding.
Sinner: Well I seem to have it under control, but I’m afraid in a moment of weakness I might react without thinking, you know? I’ve not had it happen yet, but it would be so easy when flippin’ out that I just give ‘em the ol’ touch of death.
Caecus: Even a king’s heart is just a stream of water to the hand of… fate.
Sinner: Gonna be honest, I haven’t the foggiest of what you just said. Though if I’m being honest myself, I couldn’t care less if it was someone I didn’t know anyway. Only really care about my friends and such. You seem pretty neat yourself.
Caecus: The impression is mutual. It’s not often that I’m seen as anything other than senseless and intimidating. I don’t find it unwarranted, granted; my appearance is as disconcerting as my psyche.
Sinner: How do you even know what you look like? It’s not like you can just look into a mirror.
Caecus: I was presented with a vision soon before I arrived, my last blessing I suppose… Regardless, my rebirth is a tale for another time. I’ve relished in your company long enough, and I must answer my calling. I’m sure our paths will converge again.
Sinner: Hey, I hope so too...uh....
Caecus: Please, call me Caecus.
Sinner: Well, it’s only polite to give you my name too. I go by many names here, but I am quite fond of “Mr. Death” as silly as it sounds.
Caecus: Silly, yes, but very becoming of you. A pleasure, Mr. Death.
Mr. Death:Well, don’t let me keep you. I’d like to see you again sometime, Caecus. I’ll take my leave.
Caecus: All in due time.
--End--
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idontwanttospoiltheparty · 3 years ago
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Ive never really understood the hype surrounding Taylor Swift - I mean, I like some of her songs, but im not big on modern pop music so generally she just doesn’t really click for me. But I find it interesting that theres quite a few of Beatles/Swift blogs - like, they should have very little in common given that they’re from completely different eras and all, but somehow people seem to find a lot of semblance between the two. << and thats not me shitting on any of these blogs btw! Hope I don’t come off as rude or condescending there <3
Anyway, I was just wondering what got you into Taylor Swift? (I think ive read your post on how you got into the Beatles)
Hi, anon! Don't worry, I don't think you're rude or condescending! I agree they don't have too much in common and I don't really like their music for the same reasons.* I do have a playlist of Paul songs that have similar vibes to Taylor songs but it's mostly lyric-based. (Also the Beatles For Sale songs actually have quite the Taylor-tinge because Paul and John were not immune to Country Music)
I saw @stewy say once that a possible reason there are a good handful of us Swiftie-Beatle People on here is the appeal of a vast discography, which I agree with. If you have an artist/group with 200ish songs, it's just really fun to really dive into their work and explore all the facets. I also think: we're talking about the most popular band of all time and one of the highest-selling artists of the 21st century. They have a lot of fans so there's bound to be overlap, regardless of musical differences.
Moving on to your question: Getting into Taylor was an extremely personal experience for me and so my explanation is probably going to be kind of long so I'll put it under a read more.
It was spring-summer 2014, I was 15. I had heard the more popular songs of hers starting with Love Story and enjoyed pretty much all of them (I always found her hopelessly romantic point of view fascinating) but before I got a Spotify account in 2013 it was difficult in general for me to really get into an artists' entire discography so most of her songs had flown under my radar.
At the time, I was in this very weird sort of codependent online friendship with this girl who was basically my first real best friend and my first more or less crush. She was very depressed and I was very much in an I Could Fix Her™ mood, except that I obviously couldn't fix her and it made me feel like I wasn't enough and she had begun pulling more and more away from me and not replying to my messages and it was simply driving me insane. I consider it the saddest period in my life.
at some point during this period, I started trying to connect with other people (all online, I didn't know how to talk seriously to anyone IRL) and explaining the issues I'd been having, and one of the people who brought me joy and whom I actually felt not drained talking to was a huge swiftie. And IDK the fact that she loved Taylor and the fact that talking to her made my life better (and also the fact that I liked all the Taylor songs I knew at that point) just made me decide to give her a listen. And I think that whole "large discography discovery" phenomenon really helped me at the time (funny, because her discography has doubled since then). It gave me something new to focus on; there were just so many songs to discover, all telling such rich stories. I also have always loved bridges, they are almost always my favourite part of a song. And Taylor, god-bless her, loves them too and always puts her ALL in them. Like pretty much every bridge of hers brings the song to the next level, and even a lot of her songs I don't adore tend to have great bridges (Stay Stay Stay and Paper Rings come to mind). I think one of her most underrated qualities is how good she is at song structure and really building up an entire musical journey with a song. She also almost always adds cool ad-libs in her second and third choruses to keep the songs interesting and dynamic (or at least since she's gone pop). Anyways, back to the story: Then Taylor announced 1989 as her next album and released Shake It Off, and it was just like this great happy thing for me to look forward to, when I had very little keeping me going. The era was promoting a lot of happiness which in hindsight was slightly fabricated and it was just a really great thing for me to latch onto.
At the same time I was coming to realize that I was gonna have to pull away completely from my friend and all those break-up songs just… Hit, y'know? Like, some people seem to think Taylor's a one-trick pony because she likes to write break-up songs but to me, break-ups are just like this moment where you as a human can potentially feel every single emotion, and Taylor's songs have covered every facet of the concept. Here are some songs I remember from that period, that all meant a lot to me at the time because they explained my own pain to me so well:
Haunted, for the absolute terror you feel in the first moments you realize someone is probably gonna leave you. Come on, come on / Don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Something's gone terribly wrong / You're all I wanted.
I Almost Do, for the inner turmoil you feel when you know you have to stay away from someone for your own good but you really, really have to resist just running back to that person. We've made quite a mess, Babe / It's probably better off this way / And I confess, Babe / In my dreams you're touching my face / And asking me if I wanna try again / With you / And I almost do.
Last Kiss, for that absolute sadness that comes simply with remembering everything that was good and not comprehending how it could've possibly ended. I still remember / The look on your face / Lit through the darkness / At 1:58 / Words that you whispered / For just us to know / You told me you loved me / So why did you go / Away?
Forever and Always, for that feeling of desperately wanting to hold on to what you still have but at the same time realizing it probably isn't going to last and having no idea how to fix it, plus feeling like the other person doesn't even care. So here's to everything / Coming down to nothing / Here's to silence / That cuts me to the core / Where is this going? / Thought I knew for a minute / But I don't anymore.
Dear John, my all-time favourite song, for that moment you find clarity and realize that you deserved better and that you were headed in an extremely dark direction because of this other person. [DISCLAIMER: my friend did NOT abuse me nor did we have some inappropriate age difference. But the way she would ignore me and her general moodiness really affected my own mental health and self-worth problems] You paint me a blue sky / And go back and turn it to rain / And I lived in your chess games / But you changed the rules every day / Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone / Tonight / Well I stopped picking up / And this song is to let you know why.
(She's covered more aspects of break-ups in other songs [cheating, divorce, feeling awkward around your ex amongst others], these are just the ones I remember being really important to me when I was first getting into her)
She really helped me feel a lot less alone during one of my loneliest periods and I really can't thank her enough for that. Soon after this, I started crushing on a girl in my class and Taylor's love songs started to take on a new meaning for me as well.
What's crazy to me is, when she went on hiatus for a few years, a part of me thought maybe I'd grown out of her and no longer had much in common with her, but when reputation came out I was pulled right back into my love for her as a person and musician and then when Lover came out I found that she was still explaining feelings to me better than I ever could (specifically with the songs The Archer and Cornelia Street). And now with folklore and evermore she's simply absolutely perfected her story-telling and I find myself deeply moved even by the songs I don't directly relate to. I feel like she has this amazing ability to find the absolute truth in the specific. I've never had a summer romance with someone who already had a girlfriend and mostly wanted to go back to her, and yet the bridge of august feels so real to me, y'know?
Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose
It's hard to explain but looking at this, like it's so much more than the story it's telling. It's talking about how when you're young you really need so little to feel satisfied; how sometimes the idea of someone maybe spending time with you is better than actually doing things with other people; and how if someone using you without much thought can make you feel like you're not even entitled to grieve what you lost. Sorry. I'll stop. Don't want to go insane.
So, all of this is very personal and unique to me, but I think really the main thing that draws me to her is how vulnerable and honest she is about emotions, how eloquently she can explain the pain of being alive to me. Some people think she isn't the strongest singer, but I think, much like John actually, one of her greatest assets is how good she is at projecting emotion. The song happiness is a song I think has some lyrically weak moments but her vocal performance on it is so raw and devastating that every single line works even when, looking at it on paper, it feels like it shouldn't.
Hope this rambling made sense to you, lmao?? I love talking about Taylor though so thanks for the ask! Also very open to giving song recs if you do want to check her out more but I won't unless solicited to lmao *Sort of off-topic but I do think there's a relation between my fascination with the Beatles' history and my love for a great break-up song. I like pain I guess :)
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angelicspaceprince · 5 years ago
Text
Addiction (Alt: Smooch Me On The Goddamn Mouf Hax)
Author: Ama
Title: Addiction (Alt: Smooch Me On The Goddamn Mouf Hax)
Pairing: Scarabee/Reader, Ciarog/Reader, Escarabajo/Reader, Scarafaggio/Reader, Zhuk/Reader
Character/s: Scarabee, Ciarog, Escarabajo, Scarafaggio, Zhuk,
Word Count: 4, 107 words
Warnings: NSFW, a lot of eating out, smexy times, 18+ only please.
Tags: @imma-fucking-nerd, @im-eating-rn@im-eating-rn
Prompt: Beetlejuice thought the most beautiful sound in the universe was the sound of screaming. You are here to prove him wrong of that notion.
Notes: So, for those who don’t know, there is a discord group and we’ve come up with 5 different dons for Mafia AU Beetlejuice. Something was brought up about one of them being caught eating the reader out and being punished for it or something to that degree and I promised @realmonsterboyhours that I’d write a crackfic on it. Here it is. Enjoy. Also, thanks to @monsterlovinghours for helping me with Cia, check that blog out for more info on the boys as Linds has posted about all of them, including what they look like, personalities etc.
Buy Me a Coffee
Addiction (Alt: Smooch Me On The Goddamn Mouf Hax)
To say that Bajo had an oral fixation was, if anything, a massive understatement. The few times he licked your face, you figured that was weird. But when he finally got to your legs and spent hours marking up your thighs before even touching what laid between them? It was official. Boy has a leg kink and loved to use that blasted tongue of his.
Shortly after the two of you started banging, he developed a bit of a…. habit. You lost the need for an alarm clock because every morning when you decided to sleep in his bed or alone in yours, you’d wake up to the demon between your legs, drinking at your slick as you ride out your orgasm. Then he’d pull away, proudly tell you how many times you came in your sleep, before moving back in to finish what he claimed to be his breakfast.
At first, it only happened if you were alone or if you slept in his room. You knew it was a one-way ticket to being woken up in the best way possible. But, you had to give your other boys some loving too.
You didn’t think Bajo would actually attempt to sneak in, you figured he’d leave you alone to the others so then everyone got a share of time with you. Evidently, you were wrong.
You were confused when you woke up, your body felt hot and muscles relaxed, heat radiating from your belly as you come to realise someone was making a home between your legs. It throws you in a loop because you can still feel Bee next to you, not stirring, not yet, and yet there was a tongue lapping away at your juices as your body continues to shudder its way through its orgasm.
“3.” You hear a voice say with a snicker before the telltale sign of hands tracing nails up your thighs as his tongue slides up to start to pay more attention to your clit.
Bajo rolls out of the bed with a loud oof, hitting the floor hard as Bee’s leg seemingly comes out of nowhere and kicks him in the ribs. “Laissez la dame dormir ou je vous arracherai les membres.” Came his threat, voice still laden with sleep but commanding nonetheless as he pulls you in close.
“Oh, come on amigo, no es como si ella se estuviera quejando.” Bajo retorts as he moves to stand and make his way back to his position with your thighs wrapped around his head. Before he could even fully stand, he was tackled to the ground and pounced on by five of Bee’s shadows.
“I never said ya weren’t invited to watch, amigo. Settle d- Oi!” He tries to kick at the shadow trying to get a kick at his balls, failing when another catches his leg and manages to hold it still. “Alright, alright, get your damn shadows off me!” Bee merely hums to respond as he moves to press a small kiss at the base of your neck, keeping you press flushed against him.
“Good morning, cherie.”
“Morning. You gonna let him up?”
“No, I don’t think I will.” You look up at him, his eyes glowing with mischief.
“C’mon love. It’s too early for this. Plus I wanna sleep a lil more with you. I can’t do that with that in the background.” You point to indicate the continuous protests coming from the man on the floor, now being held on his stomach with his hands on his back as the shadows take shots at his ribs. Bee rolls his eyes and waves his hand to dismiss the shadows, anything for you.
“Ah, thanks for that!” He stands up and stretches. “Think I could have another taste, mi amor?”
“Get out Bajo!” The both of you shout, pointing to the door in sync.
~~~
You were certain that Zhuk was too intimidating a figure for Bajo to actually attempt to come in his room. But then again, Bajo was an idiot and would try anything if it meant time to have a taste of you.
This time, however, you didn’t wake up to pleasure. You woke up to pain. With a loud gasp as you feel your thigh erupt in a painful heat, you sit up just in time to see your small black cat who always slept with Zhuk no matter what anyone said dart off into the corner. You rip back the covers to see a very guilty looking Bajo staring up at you, thumb rubbing over your now slightly bleeding thigh. His back is weeping small amounts of blood, by the looks of it, your kitty wasn’t too impressed at the weird bulge that had appeared between your legs overnight and wanted to make her discontent known. “Morning maripos-ah!” He shouts out in shock as Zhuk grabs him from the back of the neck and silently pulls him off the bed and towards the door, holding him so he is a few inches from the ground as he kicks and struggles. Zhuk opens the door and very unceremoniously throws the smaller man out, causing him to hit the wall and then the floor with two very loud bangs. “Oi! I barely even got to six this ti-” Zhuk slams the door in his face before moving back to crawl up the bed and next to you.
“Does it hurt, roza?” His large hand grabs at your knee to move your thigh so he can see the small wound, already beginning to heal up as he rubs at the reddened area, moving his hand to cover every new bruise Bajo had managed to create.
“No no, it’s fine now.” You move in to rest your head on his chest, already starting to fall back asleep. “Five more minutes?”
“Of course tsarina.”
~~~~~
You knew by now that it was going to happen, regardless of who you spent the night with. Granted, he gave you time to allow your legs to heal after the last incident, mostly out of fear of what Zhuk and Bee would do to him if he didn’t. But, eventually, your legs healed up and you were able to sit properly again. Which meant Bajo felt like he had a free invitation to his favourite snack.
When you woke up, you feel warm and fuzzy, muscles relaxed with your pussy clenching. Your thighs are wet to your knees and your entire body just feels hot. You could hear the telltale sign of Gio using his cane, smacking down on someone who was clearly protesting his attack as he rants in angry Italian. “Idiota! Non puoi farmi passare una notte con la nostra ragazza, no, devi entrare e rovinarlo! Merda stupida per il cervello! Ha appena guarito! Il tuo pasto preferito, ti batterò nel giro di un centimetro della tua vita.” You turn to see a very angry Gio beating a dishevelled but clearly pleased Bajo, mouth and jaw covered in your slick as he makes a show of cleaning his mouth and fingers between each wack.
“Amigo, you’re just jealous I got our lovely little mariposa to orgasm on my tongue five times before you realised what was happening.” You roll your eyes as Gio starts his assault again.
“Gio? Baby?” You ask, purposefully making your voice small so both boys turn around instantly to look at you. “Come back to bed?”
Gio softens instantly. “Piccola, I will I’m jus-”
“Please?” You whine out. “Want cuddles with you baby.” You reach out your arms and start making a grabby motion with your hands. “Come cuddle with me, please?”
Gio seems to falter before dropping his cane and moving back to the bed, you scooting backwards so he has room to join you, his arms wrapping around you until he can trace light patterns on your back, your head resting on his chest with a small, content smile. None of them could really turn you down for anything and, in times like this, it really did work to your advantage.
“Think you can move on over there?” Bajo asks, standing at the edge of the bed, clearly keen to join in the cuddle session. You can practically feel Gio heat up with anger at this.
“Esci! Stupido, pomposo, stupido, figlio di puttana-” He shouts, causing Bajo to leave with a snicker before Gio changes his mind and continues to give him a caning.
~~~~~
By now, you knew nowhere was safe. You knew you’d wake up with the Spaniard between your legs no matter where you slept in the house. But, you figured, that if you slept with one of the others that you were protected from at least being over stimmed so early in the morning, to the point that you would rather spend the rest of the day in bed rather than leave your room.
Cia had pointed out that you had yet to share a bed with him, and he was right to a degree. The few times you fell asleep in the Irishman’s room, both of you had been drunk and he had quite literally kicked you out of bed, leading you to walk back into your room to sleep the alcohol off. Still. The two of you weren’t really drinking tonight. And perhaps Cia would be better at protecting you from your nightly visitor.
You woke up with a gasp, eyes instantly locking with a pair of mischievous hazel ones, a fire lit in them. You barely get out a grunt as you feel your thighs shake around the head of the man currently rubbing two of his fingers against your g-spot, tongue assaulting your clit as you continue to come loudly, eyes rolling in the back of your head. You feel slightly warmed metal teeth brush against your thighs as he pulls back to nibble at your flesh, damp with your slick as you pant, turning over to Cia. “You’re not going to stop him?”
Something flashes in his eyes. “And miss the show? Mo grá, you don’t know me very well, do you?” The smile he sends your way causes a shiver down your spine as you feel Bajo chuckle lightly against your skin, your head snapping down when you feel him move to bite and suck another mark onto your thigh, Cia’s hand grasping onto your chin and pulling it face him. “Ag dul chun bheith ina cailín maith dúinn, piscín?” You whimper as you feel the man beneath you slowly slide back up to run the flat of his tongue up the length of your pussy, groaning lowly at the taste.
“Ci-ah!” You grind up against Bajo’s face as his lips wrap around your clit and he starts to draw powerful sucks, causing your whole body to wrack as the already over-sensitive organ starts to take another beating. “How- How many?” You barely get out as Cia coos.
“Eight.” You hear Bajo say against your cunt, the vibrations making your eyes squeeze shut as you roll your hips. Towards him or away from him you aren’t entirely sure, but you do whine in protest when he pulls back, resting his chin on your thigh as he looks up at you with a wicked grin. “Creo que esta mañana es el día en que llegamos a los veinte. ¿Qué te parece mi amigo?” 
“20? I’m sure we can aim for more than that, can’t we?” You whimper at the number, shaking your head as Bajo moves back to push his tongue inside of you, wanting to have a taste of you straight from the source. “Hush, mo ghrá. Lig do Bajo aire a thabhairt duit anois.” Cia chastises as your head rolls towards him.
You move to protest. “Too many.” You say quietly. There is no way, on this progressively not to green earth, that you would be able to come twenty times at the hands of these two and survive. “Ple-ugh.” You gasp when you feel a sharp pinch at your nipples, Cia clearly not too impressed with your protest.
“Oh, don’t fight it now, lie back against me love.” He instructs, bringing you closer to him as you let out a small whimper, much to his amusement. “A piscín, an é go léir atá agat dúinn? Tar ar aghaidh anois, tá mé cinnte gur féidir leat a bheith níos airde ná sin.” Your cries become louder as Bajo’s thumb moves to stroke at your clit, fingers replacing his tongue as he massages at your g-spot, causing you to buck and whine.
“Oh, nuestro pequeño pájaro cantor. Cantas tan bellamente para nosotros.” You feel his metal teeth bite down on your thigh again, this time piercing your flesh as small droplets of red chase their way down to the bed, eyes squeezing shut as you try to focus on every single sensation.
“Keep those eyes open, darlin',” Cia reminds you. Your eyes snap back open obediently, “look at the way he's making your thighs tremble. Does it feel good, hm?” You turn to look down, eyes locking with Bajo’s as he just grins up at you, hand moving so his fingers pump slowly in and out as he continues to suck at the skin of your shaking thigh.
“I- uh. Feels. Hnn.” You give up on words, hips moving to roll in time with the movement of his fingers.
“It must, you can barely string two words together.” Cia comments in amusement.
“Can’t think.” You tell them, and it's true. The fog of your early morning haze has mixed with the fog of coming too many times, being brought back to that edge and Cia whispering in your ear was completely taking over all other functions. You couldn’t think, could barely string your words together, barely remember every word you hear the boys say to you, all that was left was to feel which just made you all that much foggier.
“Shh, pequeña. No pienses, solo siente.” Bajo says from beneath you.
“Falling.” You say with a gasp, hands moving to grasp at the bedsheets as your brain finally succumbed to the fog.
“Eso es, enamórate de nosotros, pequeño amor. No te preocupes Te atraparemos.” You whine as his thumb is removed from your clit, only to be replaced by his mouth, tongue flicking in between strong sucks.
You try to bite back your sounds, the last little bit of you wanting to fight back resorting to ‘you don’t deserve to hear how good you make me feel’ but you fail miserably as Cia’s hand starts to trace up and down your body, pinching at you to keep you on your toes, mind so distracted from everything you’re feeling, you almost miss what’s being said.
“-so soft, so sweet. Oh, leanbh, we might just make a meal of you yet.” Cia purrs in your ear, chuckling lowly when you whine loudly, hips bucking up into Bajo’s mouth. “Would you like that? To be feasted on?” His grin widens as you nod furiously, a strangled version of both their names passing through your lips between heavy breaths as you feel your body tense in anticipation for number nine, Bajo groaning when he realises you’re close again as he seems to start attacking your clit with more vigour, trying to bring you over the edge once more. Cia leans in closer to continue, breath hot against your ear as his hands hold your hips down to stop you from grinding up against Bajo’s tongue. “Oh, look at you, mo stór. So desperate to come again. Oh, little one, we're so hungry for you, hungry for your pleasure. Give it to us. Give in to us. Let your body surrender, sweetheart, there you go.” He coos when you shudder around Bajo with a broken moan, body twitching as Cia moves to bite at your neck, the same time Bajo moves to place yet another bruise to your thigh. “Ó, beag ardaigh, conas is breá linn go bhfaigheann tú teacht slán.”
A few seconds pass before you feel Bajo’s tongue lapping away the excess slick, only this wasn’t a cleanup. No, he was very pointedly warming up to make you come again. You protest with a whine. “One more, pequeña?” Your eyes flicker down to his. “Just one more.” You can handle one more? Surely? You nod once and that’s all he needs to delve back into your heat with a loud noise of content when he has your taste on his tongue again.
It doesn’t take long. You were nine orgasms in and your body was tuned ready for ten. Cia is instantly at your ear, murmuring lowly in a mix of Gaelic and English, slowly coaxing you to the edge. But your body doesn’t seem to want to go over, get you to the double-digit tally that both the boys insist you reach this morning. Cia, for one, is not giving up without a fight. “Come for him, darlin', he wants you to. Can't you see it in his eyes, the way he's begging you to drown him with it?” When you look down, Bajo does indeed look desperate for you to come once more, eyes bright and burning as he moans against your sex, addicted to your taste as his tongue leaves your clit to delve into your wet heat, thumb moving up to take its place. You let out a small whine, eyes not leaving his for a second. “Give in, ailleacht, come for us. Let us carry you over the edge."
That’s all it takes to tip you over the edge, words purred in your ear as your body convulses, a scream leaves your lips as you ride out a near painful orgasm being ripped from your body. You can hear dark chuckles from next to your ear and between your thighs before Cia whispers lowly in your ear, “Sin é, ceann beag, scread dúinn.”
When you come down from your high, your entire body is shaking, you can feel Bajo press gentle kisses down your thighs as he lowers them from his shoulders before he slides up your body until he is hovering over you. To your horror, his face is positively dripping with your slick, his giant shit-eating grin showing you just how pleased he is of that fact. “Buenos dias mariposa.” He greets before moving down to kiss you fully on your lips, making you taste yourself on his tongue before he not-so-gracefully falls to your other side, bringing you in close as Cia follows, the same look on his face.
“Maidin, álainn.” He purrs. You snuggle into his chest, Bajo’s forehead pressed against the base of your neck as he curls around you.
“I hate you both.”
“No you don’t.”
You let out a huff of air in annoyance when, yet again, Cia was right. But only just. “I’m never sleeping in this room again.” They both laugh because, again, they both know it's not true. “I’m sleepy.”
“Go to sleep, querida.” Bajo murmurs against your skin, pressing a kiss wherever he can place them. You can hear them both say something to you, but it’s all muffled as you slowly drift back to sleep in their arms.
~~~~~
Choosing to sleep in Bajo’s bed was always an open invitation for him to spend the entire night with his face wrapped between your thighs. You always chose your nights with Bajo carefully because of that fact.
Tonight, you felt like you just needed to be with him. You had all gone out to dinner and it was a rare case where everything was just a disaster. Orders were wrong, food was cold or just gross, wine was corked, everything that could have gone did go wrong. Bajo was a bit sour as it was his choice of restaurant and it had clearly gone downhill since the last time he went there for a meal. So, to soothe his upset self, you changed plans of sharing a bed with Bee to spend the night with Bajo.
As you expected, you barely got through the doors before you were thrown on the bed, shirt and bra having been ripped off in the hallway, and he was crawling up between your thighs, pulling down your pants and panties in one smooth, quick motion. You move your thighs to rest on his shoulders as he glides his tongue down your calf, over your knee, down your inner thigh before moving to lick a stripe up your pussy, groaning at the taste. “Finally.” He says, eyes flickering up to look at you. “Some good fucking food.”
That was it. You instantly unwrap yourself from him and move to the side, holding your sides as you laugh. “Nope. Sex is off. You did not just say that.” You can practically feel his pout as he slides up the bed to press his hands into the mattress, one either side of your head as he waits for the giggles to subside, eyes warm as he watches your amused face with a smile before moving in to kiss you deeply.
“Let me have my dinner?” He asks when he pulls back, causing you to giggle again.
“I can’t take you seriously now, Bajo.” You shake your head. “If you’re lucky, you can have me for breakfast again.” He hrumphs as he moves to lay next to you on the bed, pulling you close so his entire body is pressed up against you.
“Te amo, mi pequeña mariposa.” He says quietly against your skin.
“I love you too, you dumb fucking himbo.” You tease, laughing when he growls and bites down on your shoulder as a warning. Damn, this boy be feral and bitey.
The next morning, you weren’t surprised at all to feel him slide down your body, sending a wink your way when he notices you’re up as he positions himself, ready to absolutely devour you.
Misc Scene That Didn’t Quite Make It:
The first time Bajo went down on you, it was like a religious experience. It was a lazy Sunday with just the two of you in the smoking room when he got a glint in his eye and slowly slid out from under you and between your thighs. At first, you thought he was just going to mark you up a little again, his favourite place to be when the six of you snuggling is, after all, on top of your thighs and you never left without a minimum of six bite marks. But, it wasn’t until he was pulling away your panties with his teeth did you realise his end game.
You are certain he spent hours with his mouth glued to your pussy, as if he was trying to print the taste into his memory and sear the spots that made you cry out into his brain. He brought you to the edge over and over, pulling back when he felt you were close to watch you squirm and glare at him, nipping at your thighs whenever you protest.
When he finally let you come, you swear you saw stars. Your body arches as you scream, mostly in relief, hand having been weaved in his hair for at least an hour and a half by now pulling at his roots as it clenches, hips moving up to rock against his face as he drinks in everything you have to offer him. Your body finally laxes into the leather seat beneath you as you try to catch your breath when Bajo’s lips are suddenly against yours, hands-on your spread knees as his tongue works its way into your mouth so you can taste yourself mixed with him. When he pulls back, you can’t help it.
Slowly, you raise your hands to clap causing him to chuckle. “Wow.” 
He does a few small bows from his place on his knees between your legs. “Thank you, thank you! I’d like to think of myself as a humble man- ow!” He swats your hand away as you smack him across the back of the head with a laugh.
“You’re such a twit.”
“You love me.”
“Do I though?”
“Yes.” You roll your eyes at his cocky answer. “So…. did you enjoy yourself up there, dulce?” He asks with a grin.
“No Bajo, I had an awful time.” You sass causing him to laugh as he moves to nip at your thigh again as a playful warning. “Any chance for an encore?” You ask cheekily as his eyes flash, a giant smirk appearing on his face.
“For you? Of course, mi amor.”
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Note
CAN I GET ME SOME PETER FROM BOC? (I promise he's overage ajdjfjff) he has no content and he's just,,,adorable 🥺
listen here, I’m now head over heels for Peter and I’m blaming you
WHAT A MAN,,,
I hope this doesn’t disappoint, it’s full of feels and there is a LOT to unpack here! I based it on this set of headcanons I did a while back wherein someone saved the circus members and nursed them back to health, so that person (tho I went with a lady) is this reader’s boss
also this got WAY longer than I meant it to but considering the absolutely criminal lack of Peter content, I don’t think you’ll mind
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Sometimes, on nights when it’s warm, you’ll find those two sitting in the courtyard behind your employer’s manor.
(Mistress) never told you what the story was with these circus performers, and as far as you know, she’s never told any of the other servants either. Hell, she may not even know herself. If PETER and Wendy are anything to go by, this lot doesn’t open up easily. They’ve all been living here for six months, and the only thing you really know is that (Mistress) took them in after finding them horribly injured, that Peter and Wendy are basically adults stuck in bodies which never matured, and that they used to be trapeze artists in their troupe.
They’re both very hard to read, though Wendy is marginally friendlier than her brother. The two of them seem closer to each other than even to the other members, and the whole lot of them keep to themselves, perhaps trying to avoid the household’s staff entirely, so you’ve not had much interaction with any of them.
These two, though? They intrigue you; Peter in particular. He seems on edge all the time, a shock that so much anger seems to exist in someone so small. Even if you didn’t trust their word that these two aren’t children, you would know he was an adult. No child is that angry all the time without any discernible reason.
You just want him to be able to relax. Whatever the reason he’s always ready to fight, he would be so much less stressed if he could let go of it just a little bit. Doesn’t he know he and his sister are safe here? Don’t they all know that? If they don’t, someone ought to clue them in.
When you step out into the courtyard, the balmy night air welcomes you.
There they are, the two of them, and Wendy looks to be lying down in the grass. Sleeping, maybe? It’s late, but not past midnight quite yet. (Mistress) has no strict rules for her staff nor her guests except that she would prefer everyone be inside the manor by midnight. Oddly enough, unlike anyone else you have ever worked for, she’s very concerned with everyone’s safety.
The grass rustles between your feet as you walk. The closer you get, the more Peter’s shoulders seem to shoot up toward his ears; indeed, until they’re buried in his hair. Wendy, on the other hand, only moves by breathing, so she’s definitely asleep.
After a moment of standing, staring at the sky, you lower yourself onto the ground next to Peter. Close enough that you could touch him, far enough that, hopefully, he doesn’t feel crowded. “Lovely night,” you hum, crossing your legs. “It’s nice when there are no clouds at night. You can see the moon so well. Lady (Mistress) is happy someone is finally enjoying the courtyard. She’s never really been one for stargazing or―”
“Oh, what the bloody ‘ell d’you want?!” Peter interrupts you before you can even finish your sentence. His voice is harsh, not loud, likely because he doesn’t want to wake Wendy. “Did y’ come out ‘ere just ta talk me ta death?!”
His bad attitude is still a bit surprising to you, but to have such rude comments coming from such an innocent-looking mouth is no longer the shock it once was. “Well… it wasn’t my intention, no. I’m sorry.” You tilt your head at him. “Do you want me to leave?”
The look he gives you is equal parts incredulous that you’ve said such a thing and sorely tempted by the offer. At last, his face contorts into a scowl, his head jerking back down to the grass he’s yanking out of the ground. “That ain’t what I said. Just stop prattlin’ on about nothin’.”
A moment passes in silence, then you reach over to tear out a couple blades of grass yourself. It’s not that you pretend to understand why he’s doing it, but you want to show him that whatever he’s doing, you’ll join him if he wants, even if you don’t know the reason why.
“… What should I prattle on about, then?” you speak up once he seems to have calmed down a little. “I started with the sky, but… I get the feeling you’re not actually out here to look at the sky. Not as dumb as I look, you know.”
Peter huffs, and a small sigh comes from Wendy as she turns over in her sleep.“So, y’ saw a bloke what didn’t wanna be bothered, ‘n’ y’ came out ‘ere ta bother ‘im, is what y’re sayin’?”
A small shrug is what he gets from you before you say anything else. “Well, no, I’m not trying to bother you. I just wanted to see how you’re doing… if you’re settling in alright. Wendy seems pretty comfortable.”
He snorts, the bitter look from earlier taking over his face again. “We ain’t ‘settlin’ in’. We ain’t gonna be ‘ere longer’n a year, I’ll bet, if we even make it that long.”
“Why do you think that? Lady (Mistress) says she likes you all and that you’re welcome to―”
He lets out a violent grunt as he pulls a clump of grass blades from the ground. They’re tossed down in short order, accompanied by a growl. “(Mistress) don’t know nothin’ ‘bout us! Y’ think she’d want us ‘ere if she knew the truth?! Y’ think anyone’d want us anywhere if they knew the truth?!” He presses his hands into the dirt, digging it under his frayed fingernails, and hisses furiously. “There’s a reason we were left ta fuckin’ die ― because we should be dead! We’re BAD PEOPLE, (Name)!”
Now his voice has gotten louder, causing Wendy to stir and make noises of what sounds to you like distress. You scoot over a bit, reaching around Peter to give a few soft pats to her shoulder. Then you turn your attention back to Peter. “… You’re not,” you say softly. “You in particular, you’re a little rough around the edges, but you’re not… bad.”
You shift around some to get more comfortable. When you cautiously set your hand on top of Peter’s, he flinches, but ultimately lets your fingers stay where they are. “Even if you were bad… you’re not the only bad people to ever exist. You don’t deserve to die.”
“What d’you know?” he grinds out lowly. “Y’ don’t know nothin’ ‘bout us either. Don’t know nothin’ ‘bout me. Y’ don’t get ta make that judgment.”
“Then what judgment am I fit to make?” If you sound frustrated by now, it’s because you are. Why does he seem so insistent about this? Doesn’t he think that if they all should have died, they would have? “Do my feelings really mean that little to you? Does what I think really not matter to you? Because whatever else you may be, good or bad or somewhere in between ― I’m glad to have you here. Perhaps this comes as a surprise to you, Peter, but I happen to like your company, and Wendy’s, and the others’.”
You curl your fingers around his, tightly, securely. “If you should have died, then God wouldn’t have let you live. You’re still alive for a reason.” Despite that you move closer to him, he doesn’t pull away. “You’ve all been given a second chance. Regardless of whether or not you think you deserve it, you have it. And you’re prepared to spend it feeling sorry for yourself, saying you don’t deserve it, instead of doing something with it?”
What surprises you is that he wraps his fingers around yours in response, holding your hand as if you’re his last connection to life. When he looks up at you, his expression is old enough to betray his youthful face. “Y’ don’t know what y’re talkin’ ‘bout, (Name). We shouldn’t ‘ave this chance in the firs’ place. It should’ve gone ta someone else. Y’ don’t know us, er what we done, er anythin’ else. Y’ don’t know… me.”
“But I want to.” Something strange thrums in your chest, your heart fluttering against your ribcage. “I don’t know you because you won’t let me. None of you will let any of us in even the smallest bit. Meanwhile, Lady (Mistress) and I and some of the others… we want to know you. Whatever that means. Even if there are things about you that aren’t pleasant. We like you. I like you. How do you know we wouldn’t accept you if you won’t give us the chance?”
What comes out of his mouth is a mix of a scoff and a laugh. That look in his eyes is so dark and tired you don’t know what to make of it. “Lord, y’know, I never met anyone like y’. Mos’ people don’t want us anywhere near ‘em, even the parts of us that ain’t so bad. But y’re tellin’ me, y’ expect me ta believe ― y’ actually want the bad parts?”
You lean even closer, almost desperate that you’ve come so close to potentially getting him to open up and be vulnerable with you. “Yes,” you breathe. So close you are now, your noses are almost touching. “I want the bad parts. I want the good parts. I want all of you. Is that so crazy?”
“Yeah!” This time it’s a full-blown laugh, though it’s so mirthless, he nearly sounds closer to crying than laughing. “That’s very crazy! Y’ oughta be locked up in some asylum! It ain’t enough yer lady took us in, but y’re tellin’ me y’ actually want every single part of me? Y’ take a look at me lately, ‘uh? I ain’t no gentleman! I ain’t refined, I ain’t sweet… I mean, damn, I look like a little kid!”
The tip of your nose presses to his. “You’re not, though. You’re not a boy,Peter; you’re a man.” You get the feeling very few people acknowledge that about him. He looks like a child, so he must be!
“And I don’t care about refined or sweet… and anyway, who says I want a gentleman?” Your hand stays in his, and your other arm snakes around his shoulders. “What I want is you. I understand if you can’t… or don’t want to… give me all of you. Or any of you. But… no matter anything else… know that there’s someone who will take every part of you. There are people here who want to accept you… if you’d only let us in. You’re not alone.”
Peter lets out a shuddering breath, and you can feel its heat against your lips. His hand clutches yours with such ferocity that his arm is shaking. After a long, long moment, his other hand comes to rest against your waist. How long must it have been since anyone’s treated him as the adult he is ― how long must he have been holding himself back so that he doesn’t make people angry or uncomfortable? “Stop,” he murmurs, and his hand bunches the fabric against your waist in a fist. “Stop bein’ so… good. I can’t… I can’t take it. Jus’ gonna make it ‘urt more… when we get chased outta ‘ere…”
He presses his forehead against yours, his chest heaving as if he’s using his whole strength to stave off the sobbing he’s already been holding back for his whole life. “… If I open up… if y’ do accept me… ‘n’ then I ‘afta leave y’ be’ind…” He’s still holding himself so tensely, wound so tight that he could snap at any moment.
“… I can’t…”
That he gives no resistance when you push forward and kiss him is something you didn’t expect. The way he leans into the touch, bowing to you with a stunning softness you weren’t sure he possessed, speaks volumes about how much he needs someone to embrace his whole self. He seems to even lose himself in your approval for what feels like an eternity.
You draw away, only to be pulled back in against him for another kiss. This one is rougher, hungrier, with a neediness that’s somehow the same as the first kiss and yet wildly different. It’s the kiss of a man who just wants to be wanted, who has tasted that someone desires him and became addicted to that in an instant.
When he pulls you back, you’re only too happy to submit to his wants. You can feel his hand at your waist, his fingers fanning out from that fist so they are splayed against your side.
As soon as you come up for air, you move your arm from his shoulders to let your hand rest on his cheek.
“Don’t worry, Peter,” you whisper as if you can quiet all his fury and anxiety with just those words. “You’re not going anywhere.”
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seasinkarnadine · 6 years ago
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Open
TW: PANIC ATTACK, PTSD
It's a warm afternoon and sunlight streams in through the windows of Castle Brightmoon. It's a rare moment of calm, and Adora is indulging in it by reading a book and sitting with her favorite people in the world. Glimmer and Bow are playing a puzzle game together on a handheld console, occasionally chuckling out loud and gasping soft exclamations to one another. Sometimes another patron of the reading room will give them a glare if they're too loud, but they always apologize and reduce their volume.
Catra is pretending to be asleep on the other end of the bench Adora is sitting on. Her eyes are closed, but whenever Bow or Glimmer make a noise Catra’s ears swivel in their direction. Adora almost reaches out to stroke Catra's calf (which is pressed against Adora's thigh), but pulls her hand back. Things are still a little tense between them.
Event hough Catra's decided to leave the Horde, she also hasn't committed to the Rebellion.
Adora's enjoying Catra's presence and the sun on her back when a sudden pressing heat sweeps across her skin.
“Good girl. That's a very good girl!” There's a woman in a red robe praising a toddler for sharing some of her snack. Perfectly innocent activity. They aren't even being loud.
Adora’s vision starts to tunnel.
“Adora.” Catra's voice is sharp, it cuts through the haze That's settling over her.
“Get on the ground. NOW.”
She does, but it's even more ungrateful than usual. She slips off the edge of the bench and hits the the floor, hard. A distant part of her thinks she's probably bruised her tail bone.
Her frantic heart slows marginally.
“Come here, baby girl.” The woman coos from across the room.
Her heart rate rockets.
Her vision tunnels.
“Adora? Adora? What's happening to her?” The voices sound like they're underwater. She tries to turn to see who's speaking, but she can't.
She feels a hand on her shoulder and it's like a vice. The world is pressing in on her and she can't breathe.
“Don't touch her.” A voice snarls, and the pressure on her shoulder releases.
“Make that woman leave-- now!”
“But wh--”
“Do what I said.” the voice hisses.
Cold sweat beads across her skin, dripping down her forehead. She's shaking and she can't move, she can't breathe, she can barely hear anything over the roar of static.
She is sure she is dying.
She's terrified.
And then Catra is there.
She says something but Adora can't hear her. Her mismatched eyes hold none of their usual fire, are instead unexpectedly gentle. She reaches out and grabs Adora's hand and she takes it for the lifeline that it is and squeezes.
Adora can't hear any words but Catra's tone is soothing.
The pressure eases as suddenly as it arrived.
Adora sucks in air and this time it seems her lungs obey, filling her with much needed oxygen. The blackness in her eyes clear and the sounds of the world come back in a rush.
A sob wracks her chest.
"Hey, Adora." Catra's smile could power a city.
Still shaking like a leaf, Adora reaches out and grabs her, fisting her fingers in Catra's hair and jumpsuit and pulling. They collide. If Catra minds the rough treatment she doesn't say anything.
“You big dummy. You're okay. It's okay.” She soothes, a hand rubbing circles on Adora's back.
“Hey, I got the juice and the snack bar,” Bow says softly. Adora pulls back, hot shame lancing through her.
“Hey, Bow! How--how are you? You have some snacks? It is about time for an afternoon snack--” She tries to get up again but Catra keeps her rooted with a hand on her forearm. Normally Adora could throw her off no problem, but right now she feels like she's gone 10 consecutive rounds in the training arena and then been run over by a tank.
“Sit. Stay.”
Adora opens her mouth to argue--
“Please?”
And Catra never says please, not to anyone, not for anything. Adora shuts her mouth.
Catra glances at Bow, then back to Adora.
“Do you want me to send him away?” She asks.
“Hey, I'm right here--”
“No, no, thank you.” Catra looks at her for a moment longer and Adora holds her gaze, trying to show that she's sure, that she's strong.
Without looking away Catra holds her hand out to Bow, and he gives her the snack bar. Her claws make short work of the wrapping.
“I need you to eat this.” Catra says, holding out a nutrient bar. Tentatively Adora reaches out and takes it. She takes a bite and chews it carefully, eyes locked onto Catra's.
When she's done with that Catra makes her drink the juice. As she's finishing the last of it off, Glimmer reappears.
“I cleared the hallway.” She says, her voice clipped.
“Okay, Adora. I'm going to pick you up now. We're going to your room.”
“What!?” She shouts, drawing the attention of several reading room patrons. Or have they been staring this whole time? She flushes again, and when she next speaks it is in a hissed whisper.
“You are not carrying me. I am fine.”
Catra raises her eyebrows, clearly not buying it, but she backs up regardless.
“Adora, are you sure you--” Glimmer starts.
“Yep! Fine! Just… gotta get to my room.” Take a little nap. maybe a big nap. She is exhausted.
“Do… do you want us to come, too?” Glimmer asks. Adora opens her mouth to say no, but at the looks of undisguised compassion on their faces she exhales instead.
This isn't the Horde. This isn't the Horde. This isn't the Horde. She repeats to herself. It's okay to show weakness. Bow and Glimmer aren't looking to exploit this or judge her.
So she nods yes.
Her traitorous muscles shake fiercely as she pushes herself to her feet.
Bow and Glimmer watch her with concern written on their faces. Catra lounges on the bench, flipping through the book Adora was reading.
She walks out of the reading room, Bow and Glimmer tailing her. A few steps later Catra tosses the book over her shoulder and follows as well.
Adora is about halfway down the empty corridor when she feels her weak legs start to quit on her.
“Catra--” She gasps. Catra sweeps Adora off her feet and into her arms.
“Hey, this isn't what I--”
“Too bad, idiot.”
Suddenly she's grateful the usual guards are gone from the hall.
Catra starts walking. Left with no other choice, Adora buries her face against Catra's chest.
They're silent as they move through the halls.
“Bow, can you get the doors?” Catra asks, her voice makes her chest rumble against Adora's ear.
She hears a door open, and then close behind them. Catra leans over and sets Adora down carefully onto a soft mattress. She notices the curtains are drawn to make the room darker.
Catra curls up at the foot of the bed without another word.
Bow and Glimmer are standing at the side of her bed.
“This is so embarrassing.” She manages at last. She covers her face with one hand.
“Do you want us to leave?” Glimmer asks.
“No, no, its… just… don't look so awkward.” Dont look at me like I'm different. “Sit down, get on the bed, just.. relax, please? I'm okay.”
Bow and Glimmer share a look. Bow shrugs, then takes a seat on the edge of Adora's bed, careful not to touch Catra. Glimmer climbs onto the other side.
“So…” Glimmer starts.
“So.” She inhales deeply, trying to brace herself for this conversation.
“You don't have to tell them, Adora.” Catra has one eye open.
“No, Catra, I do. I want to tell them. This isn't--” like the Horde.
“I…  trust them.” Catra stares at her for a moment longer, the softness from before gone. Then she shrugs and closes her eyes once more.
Adora turns back to Glimmer and Bow.
“I won't suffer any long term damage, and they only last for a few minutes at most, but they suck. A lot. I get kinda frozen when they happen, I can't move or talk. They take a lot out of me, too. I don't get them very often, fortunately. Catra's…. the only one who really knows about it.” She inhales shakily, and Glimmer reaches out to put a hand on Adora's knee.
“You can't really touch me when I'm having an attack--” Glimmer withdraws her hand-- “No, no, now is fine. The attack is over. Just don't touch me during, because I already feel like I'm under so much pressure. you can't shake me out of them. I have to ride it out. If you can keep people away from me that helps, too, I… I don't like to make a scene.” She grimaces, wondering how many people in the reading room noticed her gasping like a dying fish.
“And snacks?” Bow asks. “Catra had me get you some snacks.” Adora chuckles.
“Yeah. Snacks, too. Something with sugar and protein.”
Her friends nod in understanding.
“So...what...causes them? Does it have anything to do with that woman Glimmer made leave?” Bow asks after a moment. Adora feels her chest tighten. Red flashes in her mind.
Catra opens her aqua eye again.
“I--I really don't want to talk about it. Please.” Adora says. Her friends, gods bless them, nod in agreement.
“Thanks, guys. I love you.”
“Aww. We love you too!” Bow grins, moving over to embrace Adora and Glimmer at the head of the bed. When her friends release her, Adora says,
“Now, if it's cool, I'm gonna take a nap… Im… haha, I'm really wiped.”
Glimmer's smile is so soft it aches.
“Sure.” She gets off the bed and heads for the door. “Bow?” She calls back to him.
“Coming!” He says, hopping off the bed. “See you at dinner?” he asks over his shoulder.
Adora nods.
“Count on it.”
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sweetcatmintea · 5 years ago
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Lemon and Ginger and All That
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@hannahs-creations very kindly provided a random four word prompt to make into a drabble. Thanks for the prompt! Sorry it took a hot minute to write <u<;; 
I hope you enjoy this little scene ^u^ Feedback is appreciated!
Prompt:  vitality, manage, fluster and gleefully
Words: 1768
Characters: Marcos, Whitney, Freddy (Briefly), and Mella
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          Chaotic didn’t cover the state of the 6pm Café. Freddy’s promotion idea went over so well last fortnight, people were practically lining up to see what they’d do to the menu this time. The apple and elder-flower brew did not disappoint. Perfectly refreshing in the warming days of early spring, with a gentle aroma that transported you to the countryside, apple picking with your gran. Light, crumbly, pastries and tiny finger sandwiches sold almost as quickly as they were prepared. Every time a happy customer left, two more would arrive. That may be a little dramatic. It certainly felt like facing the hydra of the food industry at least. Marcos and Freddy were run off their feet greeting customers, taking orders, brewing tea, selling dry blends, answering questions, transporting food, and trying to squeeze in spot cleans. Uncle Antonio hopped between the register and the kitchen, saving Leroy from the flood of demands.
          What terrible timing for Whitney to have to skip out. Although she complained about it, she lived for the busy days like today. She loved to get lost in the hustle, while still managing to find a sense of order and co-ordinating the boys. Marcos had never seen anyone more determined not to take a sick day. When the first thing Whitney did that morning was bolt to the bathroom to re-evaluate dinner, it was clear there was no avoiding it. Regardless of how it went down, the result was the same. Whitney was stuck at home while the boys played the service edition of the floor is lava. (Or would that be the customers?)
          Marcos’ mind was a blur of orders and customers, but he didn’t let himself lose track of time. As soon as the hour ticked over, he tagged out. Of course, he checked that Freddy and Uncle Antonio could manage without him first. Not wasting a second more of his lunch break, he slipped into the backroom, tore off his uniform, replacing it with a change of clothes he’d prepared earlier, and was gone.
          The walk to their house was made significantly faster by running. Marcos was at the painted off-white door in record time. The plan to catch his breath while he fiddled with his pockets looking for his key met a hitch when he couldn’t locate it. Briefly panicking that he’d left it at the café, Marcos tried to calculate how long it would take to run back to get it, would that take too long? It didn’t fall out while he was running did it?? He’d have to go and find it before someone else did. Should he just risk waking Whitney and asking her to let him in? Ah but she won’t get better if she’s no- wait a minute. There it is. False alarm. Fishing the key out of the depths of its fabric prison, Marcos let himself in as quietly as possible. If he was careful, he should be able to avoid the creaky floorboards.
          “I cab ‘ear ‘ou.”
          Never mind. He followed Whitney’s raspy croak to the living room, still mindful to tread lightly. She was huddled on the couch, cocooned with blankets and half draped over the arm of the chair. Mella, taking the role of mother hen, sprawled over Whitney’s tracksuit clad legs, incubating her just in case folding herself into cotton origami wasn’t enough. Fever was obvious, painted over Whitney’s sweaty face, interrupted occasionally by loose strands of hair. She hadn’t even bothered to tie it back. Even in illness, she was an over-achiever.
          “Were you asleep?” He tired to keep his voice soft despite its gravelly texture. Judging by the way the radio was on, but turned down to its lowest possible volume, she probably had a headache. He wondered briefly if she was resenting her rabbit hearing at the moment.
          Whitney shook her head, waving his worries off. “I was ju- uh- aacho!” Another balled up tissue in the over-stuffed bin. “I was jus’ dyin’g apparendly. No, I was listenig do the mid-day stories. Whab are ‘ou doin’g ‘ere?” Mella whined and wiggled closer to Whitney’s flushed face. She was supposed to be resting!
          Marcos shrugged. “I got you some tea. Give me a second, I’ll make it for you. It’s called, uh, ‘Vitalitea’ and it’s got lemon and ginger and all that. Should hopefully make you feel better.” It couldn’t make her any worse at least. Red eyes and streaming nose, it was almost painful to see her so far from her bubbly self.
          Whitney had always been good at reading people. Just because she was unwell didn’t mean she couldn’t see the crease setting into Marcos’ forehead. He was always so busy worrying about others. The demand he not pity her fell away to the realisation of what he’d said.
          “You cabe back jusd ‘o bake tea?”
          “No. I’ll get you some lunch too.” He wandered off to the kitchen to get started, entirely missing the touched shock he left her in. According to his calculations, he was still on track even after stalling to get into the house. The majority of making food was just waiting for the tea to brew. It took next to no time to make a sandwich or boil water. While the tea was brewing, he grabbed a brush and a hair tie, returning to the sick bunny.
          Seeing her face a tiny bit more flushed made his stomach twist. Was it really okay for her to stay here alone?
          “Can you sit up? I’ll put your hair up since I’m here.”
          Whitney sighed dramatically but wiggled her way to a sitting(ish) position, much to Mella’s disapproval. “Leab me here to die. I’b not lon’g for thid worlb.”
          “Nah, I think we’ll save ya Cottontail. You know Freddy and me’ll be lost without ya at the café.” He chuckled, combing the brush through her long, long, hair. She tried not to think about how his breath tickled her ear, sending tingles down her spine.
          “I tolb ‘ou nod do call be that.” She huffed. Her mock anger easy to see through. It she’d really wanted him to stop, he would have done so immediately. “You’re righbt tho. You do neeb me. Who else can stob Fred’dy frob gleefully bestering beople on dates?”
          “He’s not even here and you’re picking on ‘im?”
          “I’b allobed to. It’s by twind given righbt.”
          “Can’t argue with that.” Marcos’ hands worked quickly, twisting the strands into a roughly uniform braid. Whitney may have preferred a bun, but that just wasn’t in his skill set yet. As he worked, his own auburn curls wiggled loose. The ponytail must’ve come undone on his way over. He probably should just cut the shaggy mane, but he liked the feeling of it brushing his skin.
          Whitney released her arm from the blanket burrito to playfully tug a strand. “You’re kinba a bess. Whab did ‘ou do, rub the whole bay?”
          “Yup.”
          His steady gaze caught her off guard. “Waib, really?” Whitney’s pink cheeks shifted much closer to a shade of red, causing Marcos’ brow to furrow. It didn’t help that she only seemed to heat up more when he pressed his hand to her forehead. She must’ve been really unwell, even her usually pale rabbit ears were tinted rose.
          “Hold on. I think your tea should be ready.” He vanished back into the kitchen, retying his hair as he went.
          The butterflies in Whitney’s brain were certainly just sickness making her dizzy. Nothing else. Mella stared at her. Judgementally. It wasn’t her fault her dumb heart was fluttering. Her pop rock pulse was obviously not her buzzing with giddiness. Of course she didn’t have a crush on Marcos. It didn’t matter how thoughtful he was, or how he made her feel special and appreciated with no ulterior motive. His gentle presence was just a part of him being Marcos. Falling for that would just be… well, it would be… Okay. She couldn’t lie to herself. Frog toes. It wasn’t the plague she’d managed to contract that made her face glow when he touched her. His concerned expression flashed across her mind. The tiny tilt of his scruffy eyebrows, the amber that almost glowed against the dark lines that always seemed to line his eyes, the way he looked at her. Oh dear, she melted into a goopy mess. Stars Above, she had Feelings for the scraggly hare. She had to compose herself. Pondering whether he felt something for her too would have to wait until he was gone. Working herself into a fluster was less than ideal. Upon the realisation, Mella smiled at her, in the way dogs do. If Whitney didn’t know better, she’d think Mella could read her mind. Why was she being so cocky? As if she figured it out first! Whitney’s mental rambling was interrupted by Marcos bringing in her lunch.
          “Here. I put honey in the tea. It’s s’posed to be good for sore throats? Mum used to do that for me, honey and milk I mean. Should help you too.” His ears twitched self-consciously. Sure it was common knowledge that honey was a good soother, but he still felt the need to explain himself. Maybe because Whitney almost always preferred not to sweeten her teas and he hadn’t forgotten that. Whitney smiled, still too pink for his liking, thanked him and took a sip, evaporating his worries.
          “There’s some medicine if you need it, and a bottle of water for later, y’know, so you don’t have to get up again… I’ve gotta head now or I’ll be late back. You gonna be okay?”
          “I’b a big girl, I’ll be okay.” She took another sip. “Than’gs fo’ this. I abbreciate ib.”
          “Not a problem. Just focus on betting better.”
          “Oh byeah, before you go, there’s somb faze wibes in by roob. Take theb with you to geb rib ob the sweat. You brobably smbell.” To make certain she wasn’t being overly sincere, she poked her tongue at him.
          “’course I do. I’m healthy so I can still breathe through my nose.” Marcos grabbed the wipes and darted out of the door before he had to face her faux fury.
          It took a sprint, but he made it back to the café with just enough time to clean up and get re-dressed. He was tired as anything and had forgotten about his own lunch in the process of it all, but still found a spring in his step for the rest of the day. It was nice to think he might’ve made her feel a little better.
 ----------
Taglist
@inkovert and @snobbysnekboi
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avicebro · 6 years ago
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rate... casters then? if you haven't done it yet?
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one two three WIFE hey honey i love you so much i think about you constantly you are the best. have you at 100 10/10/10 and bond level 10 now so you’re basically perfect now, just gotta max fou you. love your np charge skill. love your myths.. you’re good. i love you so much. i love you and kuzuki so much. i just want you guys to be happy and i just want to make you happy let me just.. treat you thank you for carrying me all the time MWUAh infinity/10
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I personally like him a lot but I know some people find him uncomfortable which is totally understandable. Still.. haven’t finished working on him in FGO I’m sorry lol. Love his relationship with both Prelati and Ryuunosuke and can’t wait for him to meet his bfs again. so like 8/10? yeah
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HEY HANS. man you could have been.. so much better. I know that it’s not your fault though and I have nothing against you. I just… love the idea that he’s defined by what people thought he was like based off of what he wrote about. Wish they would actually reference the bisexuality cause heyo it’s important to his stories /dab. Stop asking for alcohol you’re like 12. Wish he like.. actually acted like how he did in real life sometimes tho lol. Kiara fuckers don’t interact. 10/10 love him. 
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HEY WILL. one of the best parts of apocrypha, hands down, just wish he was in more of it. shave your mustache off though it creeps me out. ever since i learned you share va’s with tesla i can’t think. love how you have a buster up which ties with amakusa and semiramis. love you so much, sorry for taking so long to level you up lol. it looks like you’re having fun which is what matters. i’ll take you to shinjuku for drinks or something. nice thighs please step on me. 10/10 would die for.
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ship you with paracelsus. whenever you dress up it’s kind of illegal? just kind of? thought you would do more in london but alas. love art where you and paracelsus adopt jack and teach her about the fun ways of murder. your hair is an aesthetic. mephi is cute guys. make paramephi art im begging you 7/10
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7/10 please stop haunting me and my dreams. who said you could be that hot.
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you came home for new years! which was nice! i appreciate it a lot! i use you a lot and i’m sorry you’re just very useful. sorry waver i like el melloi more. long haired men are hot, it’s been clinically tested. wanna run my hands through your hair while you play dark souls. i’m not thirsty for you i support you in your transition and i hope you and your like 8 blond kids are having a fun time saving the world and dismantling the grail or whatever. 8/10
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7/10 best cu hands down don’t @ me. like him in fuyuki. hope he comes back soon? also ugh when is he gonna get that animation update fgo? anytime soon? please? i think your final art is gorgeous by the by. one of the first servants i finished.
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probably her best outfit let’s be real here. good girl. nothing bad to say here she’s a great daughter and i love her in all forms. 9/10
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I think you were a ticket? I think? Ugh 5/10 I appreciate you coming home in all forms, I really do Tamo, ugh, I’m glad you like me so much but now I’m worried that Vicci will come home and I don’t know how to feel about that one. Pairs really well with my Medeas, I had you and Medea Lily stall for like, a whole bunch of fucking turns which made me wanna kms but also proved how well you two can stall so good job.
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HELLO. I’m so sorry I didn’t use my free four star on you and instead went for the thirsty choice I’m sorry but thank you so much for coming home regardless for new years MWUAH. currently grailed to 98. I’m working on your skills next honey just please be patient. All of her lines about not liking being touched scare me and I want to fight anyone who does anything dirty with you EVEr. I think your art is gorgeous and you’re so pretty and I want to make sure you’re never sad again. Love art where you have been adopted by Hektor. I’ll beat up Jason for you. infinity/10
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ANother good girl. Came home recently and three times at that! Thank you for that Nursery Rhyme. You’re.. very cute. I love how you’d expect her to be this like, shy, silent girl but nOPE she’s a critting, curious, buster machine and she works so well with the other authors good job NR. I can’t say I’d beat up Hans for you but we can certainly give him a stern talking to. Love writing her the most out of the authors honestly. Your LE episodes killed me. When are you gonna be in Extella. 10/10
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His coat is made out of husband material. Very pretty. I want to braid your hair and be your assistant. One of the first servants that I got that I was like, okay I know nothing about you but you’re hot so I love you lol. His voice is very soothing. Love you with Mephi but the art with Hektor and Avi is also very cute. When I need to draw hair I draw you. Love you I’ll draw you more. 10/10
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I’m sorry I know very little about you I’m sorry. I think your human form is very hot though. I have someone who has you at level 100 and they’re stronger than anyone I’ve ever seen TBQH. You’re cute in the summer race, Babbage sensei. Also dailybabbage is still the best daily blog don’t @ me 5/10
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You also came home recently! Thanks! I actually like her a lot just hate her artist and her archer version. Wish she was an actual old lady instead of being.. whatever this is lol. Love her relationship with Edison, they seem like if they were two old friends who after their partners died they moved in together with an Indian demigod. Please put on some more clothes. Please take her away from her artist. Oh and I’ll beat up Sherlock for you. 7/10
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You came home a very long time ago and I’m sorry you’ve been stuck at like.. 54 for a long time lol. I associate you with someone though. I really like Tedison but I never talk about it. I just assume all Americans are like this honestly. All hail our presi-king. hey fgo you wanna add bell so they can be friends instead of just constantly hinting at it? huh? anyways you’re good i just need to finish leveling you up. 6/10
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gold border cause you’re level 90 in na. i have a lot of problems with you but i’m not the right person to talk about it. you’re still so bad in terms of racist designs i’m sorry. wish they had done you better. pat pat. 6-10/10 cause i’m conflicted honestly. your personality isn’t bad but like……….. the design… and the fact that they turned you into this like shaman when you just weren’t… and the fact that you didn’t like pictures being taken and i’m sorry geronimo that they did this to you you don’t deserve it
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i wasn’t playing fgo when you arrived so please can i have a rerun? can i please have a rerun? i want iri. good mom. i want her to adopt caren and angra and be the ‘cool mom’. i’d like a hug please. thanks mom. 7/10
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i associate you with ip so you’re good. i wish your final art was more interesting though. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh your event is good too. love your relationship with li shuwen. i kinda forget all the time that you were in the summer race event. WHoops. oh and also you can do your NP on me thanks. 5/10
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hey i have you too! sorry you’re at like.. level 41.. i’m sorry i have a lot of casters. nice thighs.. i like your face things as well. ears are cute. hope you’re having fun with your gf. wish you would work better as a catalyst for your gf tho lol. keep it up im proud of you. also ugh beat up ozy for me thanks. 6/10
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10/10 MOM. maybe one day you can be your normal self again. wish that instead of da vinci lily they did it so you went to like a different painting instead but whatever. i’ll kill kirei for you dw
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you’re good. i want you to come home so i can have more dumas catalysts tbh. but you’re soft and good and i hope you’re having fun. here take a head pat. 5/10
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i’d probably only roll cause then i’d have the complete emiya-einzbern family. but you’re still on thin ice. i’m sorry your event is horrible. i’m sorry your anime is too. here take a head pat. 3/10
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you came home recently too! and not even in the dantes/casgil gacha which confused the shit out of me lol. thank you artist for drawing a gil so that we can finally get more gil content cause takeuchi would never. associate you with a lot of people like you’re constantly showing up on my friend’s supp list. you’re good, i think i like you better than your archer version. take a nap. 7/10
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5/10 thanks for carrying me you fuck. 
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PLEASe. PLEase come home. Why did you send Medb twice. I wanted you. You’re the last author I need. Literally all I need is you now. Please. I’m begging you. How much must I give for you to come home? I’m on my knees. I’m sorry Agartha did.. that. I’m sorry people do gross shit to you. I’m sorry for your tag. I’m sorry people say racist and gross things about you. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this shit. Please.. I have your gf. You can be happy here I promise. 100/10
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you’re like one of the few summer servants who’s ascensions make sense good job. also like your animations. if you’d come home that would be great more dumas catalysts. 5/10
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I think it’s always a good sign when you’re aunt in law comes home twice. I love how they took your name seriously with the bird wings. And I love all the subtle hints to Medea in your design, as well. Circe is by far my favourite part of The Odyssey, so I’m glad she was added. I’m curious to see if they’ll add Odysseus and what she thinks about him 9/10
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I don’t have much to say about you I just wish they didn’t just shove a bunch of “vaguely African things” together and call it a day. Your attacks are cool though and I wish you and your husband a good time. Hope you have fun with David, too. 5/10?
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another high on my wife list. did not know how much i loved you until i rolled you. i like you and kadoc so i won’t say you’re my wife. love your anniversary art thing. hope you’re having a good day. kinda confused about the whole “i knew i died thing” considering that anastasia became so well known because people weren’t sure if she had died or not.. kinda feels weird in a series about characters being altered by how they were remembered 15/10
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gold cause he’s currently 85 in jp. can’t wait to get you to 100 baby love you. didn’t care for you as much in apo but you’re cool now. wish you would be more of a jackass to me though, show me how much you despise humanity you lil shit. multiple arms? good. horns? good. 10/10 great design love you. currently at 8/10/10 why do you need so many bullets for huh? just curious. anyways. infinity/10
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you’re good. don’t think you’re like, the best fate protag but you’re good. don’t deserve all the shit you got though lol. here have a head pat. 6/10
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you’re only used cause you pair well with dantes. what the fuck is going on in your final art btw. 3/10
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gremlin. do not trust. 7/10
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oh you know. he’s alright, i guess. 
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pomegranates-and-blood · 4 years ago
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Those who weave is gonna be so good!! ch1 set up the story magnificently, I can’t wait to see what happens! the alternate 5B plot hinted at here was so intriguing—its really fun to think about what would have happened if things hadn’t blown up so spectacularly. at some point, they would have had to realize they were pretty incompatible so what do they do with that??
i.... love your freydis❤️ the way the reader sees her as a sort of combination of faked meekness and intensity is so compelling, im thrilled to see more of her. i just love her, and seeing her from this perspective was really interesting. it makes me really sad to think that she probably doesn’t have anyone she trusts enough to call her friend, esp considering how her marriage seems to have dissolved :(
as always, your ivar is such a delight. your take on him is always so complex and nuanced, but even by your standards, this was a very fun version of the character! he was still easily recognizable as himself, but he seemed perhaps slightly?? more confident or mature, maybe on account of being married to freydis for a few years. i can’t quite put my finger on exactly what it is, but you have done it again with another excellent ivar!! i loved him just repeating the certainty that the reader was coming back with him to kattegat like he was trying to hypnotize her lol. i also loved seeing his desire to control the public narrative about him—he’s still very sensitive to the way ppl see him. (typical!) regardless!! excellent first chapter, so excited to see more!!
Hi sweetheart! Thank you so much, I’m so happy you guys are liking this story!
I plan to go a bit more on the canon deviation part of all of it in the next chapters of Sight, but yeah, as you know by now I vehemently hate the God Ivar storyline, so I went with Freydis believing pain makes people chosen by the Gods (like she does in Nostalgia), and the storyline with little Baldur happened but (as this chapter kind of spoke of but not much) he died, though not as brutally as in canon. And yeah, they are pretty incompatible because in this, as well as canon to me, Ivar didn’t see Freydis, he saw the representation of what he wanted/believed he couldn’t have, and so when he had to face the music he had ot realize that he loved someone she never was (very Narses of him, huh?)
Hey, you have no idea how happy I am to hear you love Freydis, cause as you can tell by now, so do I. I’m trying a side of her, especially once we get to the Love and Time acts, that I’m so interested in writing. And yeah, she is very isolated, and (to me) Freydis isn’t one to fare well alone, and she is alone even while married to Ivar; I wanted to include but couldn’t cause the Reader would have no idea of knowing, but in my head there’s a very noticeable difference in how Kattegat reacts to Freydis know compared to how it did before (In my head, the scene I wanted to portray that with was a contrast between the pregnant and glowing Freydis hacing women flocked around her, touching her hair, doing this or that, like in this scene:
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as opposed to her in that night of Chapter 1, sitting alone and distanced from others, or the other times the Reader sees her, not so comfortable with the people anymore). Point is, yeah, you are right in feeling sad about Freydis’ situation lol
And thank you so much, it always surprises me to hear the way I write Ivar is something people like, thank you! Yeah, he’s more settled, he’s older and even after everything his marriage to Freydis did make him more confident (both his public image is ‘saved’ or strengthened by having a wife, especially one so fucking pretty omfg, and his private perception of himself after he has sex and works (a bit, a tiny tiny bit) on his issues regarding his perception of himself as compared to other men).
Omfg, the image of him hypnotizing her into going to Kattegat with him sent me for a loop lol, but you’re 100% right
Thank you so so much for such a wonderful ask, this really means a lot to me! Thank you for your kind words, sweetheart! Sending you my love!
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eternalmydnyt · 4 years ago
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So I decided its time for another one of my random peeks i give into my insanity. This is the playlist of songs on my IPhone. Some are there just because i like them but for the most part music is a form of self therapy for me, the voices find things in life which lets them feel manifest and music is a way to feel them, touch them, and communicate with them in a generally harmless environment. Plus this can give anyone who reads an glimpse into my head and my tastes
In no particular order Im going to follow this format for the list
"Title" Band
Affecting Lyrics
How it affects me
Lets begin shall we?
"Get Well" Icon For Hire
Don't tell the others but it's all getting old
I mean how many more times must our stories be told?
And being lonely's only fun in a group
It sort of loses it's charm when it's true
This is a song about someone who is tired of suffering. Someone who has decided that its time to get serious about changing for the better. The voice in my head who reacts most to this is Eleni, Eleni doesnt want to be broken anymore, doesnt want to be crazy and fractured. She is my internal caretaker and OCD. She is who i draw on when i need to get things done regardless of how i feel.
"My Name" Shinedown
My name is worthless like you told me I once was
My name is empty cause you drained away the love
My name is searching since you stole my only soul
My name is hatred and the reasons we both know
Micheal... he is so angry all the time. Angry about the past, angry about the present, angry about the future. He is my rage at a world that should be more then what it is. Micheal is the one who is most "Me" of the voices. He is the one who is the closest to being who i would if i didnt have to constantly wear a thousand masks for society. He cares about some but in general he just wants to see everyone burn until they understand his pain.
"Break In" Halestorm
You are the only one
The only one that sees me
Trusts me and believes me
You are the only one
The only one that knows me
And in the dark you show me
Yeah it's perfectly reckless
Damn you leave me defenseless
So break in
This is my song i dedicate to Francine and everything she does for me. She is one of only 3 people who I truelly trust and who knows almost everything about me. She has saved me.
"Carry on my Wayward Son" Supernatural 200th Episode Cover.
Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man,
Well, it surely means that I don't know
Ok this one is just because i REALLY like it. Especially this version.
"Indestructible" Disturbed
Another reason, another cause for me to fight
Another fuse uncovered now, for me to light
My dedication to all that I've sworn to protect
I carry out my orders without a regret
Ahh Alex. He is aggressive and territorial. He isnt Angry the way Micheal is but he is more violent. He was the part of me that couldnt remember fighting back against bullies, the part which would lash out in violence against anyone who mistreated me. He was dangerous and volitile in school but he had reasons to be. He changed as I got older... now he is more of a gatekeeper. He protects the people i trust... deciding who is "Pack" and who isnt. If he doesnt accept you then I dont trust you. I dont have many in my circle but he is the one who holds the guest list. If you arent in the circle then Alex lets Micheal have you.
"Divide" Disturbed
I am a little more provocative then you might need,
It's your shock and then your horror on which I feed
So can you tell me what exactly does freedom mean,
If I'm not free to be as twisted as I wanna be
Don't wanna be another player losing in this game
I'm trying to impress upon you
We're not the same
My psychotic mentality is so unique
I'm one aggressive motherfucker
Now, wouldn't you say
Ever since Micheal became violent he has been fighting against being classified with the rest. He hates being "Just another voice" he believes he is THE voice and the others should serve him. I like Micheal alot... he is one i rely on and consider one of my closest allies because he has the strength to drown out the others when i need him to... but god he can be a self important dick sometimes.
"Without Me" Eminem
Now this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me
'Cause we need a little controversy,
'Cause it feels so empty without me
This is another i just really like. Hell of a beat. Good music for a walk.
"Fuck Away the Pain" Divide the Day
You hate the way he fooled around behind your back
A slave to him but now with me, no strings attached
But if you wanna use me up and leave me in the bed
If that's what you need go right ahead
Ahh Gray. I was wondering when you would show up. Gray loves this song. Being eternally a teenager his greatest joys in life are Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll. If he could spend all his time getting high, getting laid, and playing Call of Duty he would be a happy boy. He reminds me to have fun and relax. I just wish he wasnt so pushy about it.
"Love Bites (So Do I)" Halestorm
My lips are pale and vicious.
You’re foaming at the mouth.
You’ve suffered in the darkness.
I’ll suck the pain right out.
So come and taste the reason
I’m nothing like the rest.
I kiss you in a way you’ll never forget about me.
Two Gray songs in a row. He is a firm believer that the best cure for pain is to leave it behind with fun and pleasure. Someone hurt you? Leave em behind and find something better. He doesnt get why it has to be any more complicated then that.
"Innocence" Halestorm
Is this what you wanted
Did I make your dreams come true?
You're sitting in a corner
Wondering what you got into
And you ache for things you don't understand
That your tears don't mean a thing
I only cum when you scream
Raven. I dont talk about her much. Micheal is angry and Alex is Violent but Raven enjoys it. Raven wants to inflict pain not for revenge or to protect me... she wants to inflict pain because she enjoys it. She loves the idea of having power over another person and being able to control the difference between their pleasure and their pain. finding out just what it would take to push someone to the point where the carress of fingertips and the carress of a blade provoke the same reaction... be it screams or moans. Raven came to being during a time in my life when all i did was suffer... and when all you do is suffer you find ways to enjoy even that.
"Leave it all behind" Cult to Follow
Forget the decay
And the endlessness of all of our mistakes
Forget all the blame
And the apathy
And throw it all away
Forget the Pain
Forget the Hate
Forget all your Enemies
They never will break you again
This would probobly be most associated with my serpent. He isnt vocal... he is cold and empty... armored and predatory. He is instinct and survival. He turns me off. When my emotions are more then i can handle his scales harden me and keep them out... better to feel nothing then to be overwhelmed.
"My Songs know what you did in the Dark" Fall Out Boy
A constellation of tears on your lashes
Burn everything you love, then burn the ashes
In the end everything collides
My childhood spat back out the monster that you see
Another Micheal... have i mentioned he is loud? I think one of the largest things that fuels his rage is the fact that maybe I would be so much healthier if someone had jus seen what was going on when i was a child and helped me then... no instead the schools were content just labeling me "Antisocial with Anger Control Issues and an Overactive Imagination" Fucking lazy ass socalled professionals...
"What I've Done" Linkin Park
I'll face myself
To cross out what I’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done
This song speaks to me but its hard to pinpoint why. Theres alot in my life i regret... Life needs a Do-over button.
"Porn Star Dancing" My Darkest Days
She wraps those hands around that pole
She licks those lips and off we go
She takes it off nice and slow
Because that's pornstar dancin'
Gray loves this song... not only for its literal lyrics bot also for the fact he has convinced himself its one long ass Blowjob analogy.
"Runnin" Adam Lambert
'Round and around I'd go, addicted to the numb
Living in the cold
The higher, the lower the down, down, down
Sick of being tired and sick of waiting
For another kind of fix
The damage is damning me down, down, down
Love this song... Speaks to me but at the same time it is one that im not sure who in my head reacts most. It just makes me happy.
"Save Yourself" My Darkest Days
You’re the perfect drug when it hurts like hell
I've never needed anyone so much
There’s no-one else I love and I curse myself
Cause the right thing is to give you up
I’m overcome by shame cause I can never change
And you can never understand my sickness
(I’ll never understand my sickness)
This is a Micheal. He is angry and violent and seeks pain on others... but there are people he cares about. He doesnt want to hurt them but he cant change what he is. So I try to keep him tempered with the lighter voices despite him being by far my strongest.
Bah i'm gonna stop here. Theres a few more songs on the list but they are mostly just because i really enjoy the sound of em. Ill put them in a quick list.
"I am Murloc" Elite Tauren Chieftain
"Bad Girlfriend" Theory of a Deadman
"Careless Whisper" Seether
"Chicken with a Train" Cowboy Troy
"Swing" Trace Adkins
"I dont Dance" High School Musical (Dont judge me!)
"Let it Go" Frozen (Dont you dare fucking Judge me lol)
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