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44-mr-midnight-44 · 2 years ago

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Fandoms: Chonny's Charming Chaos Compendium, Animator Vs. Animation, Hollow Knight, Rain World, SCP, Ultimate Chicken Horse, FNaF, Undertale, Centaurworld, Spore, Dungeons & Dragons, Pokémon, Phighting

I don't answer asks asking for money. Please don't send me them.

PLEASE DON'T REBLOG SPAM ONE POST (REBLOGGING A BUNCH OF MY POSTS IS FINE) OR LIKE SPAM!!!

If you're gonna spam me to show love, pls go down the posts on my blog and reblog as many as you can (if you add comments in the tags I will sob with joy /pos)!!!

PLEASE DO NOT TAG ME IN CHONNY JASH/CCCC CONTENT!!!

I get why this is not common knowledge as I only really said it in my Discord server but PLS. DO NOT. I have to be in a mood to handle CCCC content and I get really uncomfortable really easily because of it and it can ruin my mood if it's already bad enough. Thank you.

Mias World fans I'd prefer not to interact with but so long as you don't ship Lychael or Kyer (if you do then HARD DNI, I literally don't care what your reasoning is) you probably can, especially if you're not really into it anymore.

DNI if you ship characters with abusive dynamics. I did not go through horrific situations with people who should've protected me just for some creep on the internet to treat it like a quirky yaoi dynamic. The only exception to this is if it's done to cope and not portrayed in a positive light.

If you're here to cringe at my content, then all I really say is my friend, we don't have to fight. I consider myself a nice friend. We could probably be friends. I'm a good engager, I can match people's energy well even if I don't quite understand the subject. I'm fine with disagreeing on people and seldom make a big deal out of differing beliefs, heck, I'm even friends with a few conservatives. I'm sure we could learn a lot from each other, maybe I could even show you that it's ok to be weird sometimes. Perhaps you just need the change in perspective that I had.

Alright, important "stuff I want people to see instantly on my blog" things out of the way. More under the cut, including:

♡ My other blogs (kin blog, "weird stuff" (SFW) blog, Heart RP blog, hero-villain blog, etc.)

♡ Information about yours truly (about me, hobbies, some neat fun facts, yk yk)

♡ Boundaries

♡ Some useful information, just in-general

♡ Userboxes, cos what good Tumblr blog doesn't have em?

If you're one of the many, many otherkin/otherkin-adjacent/"weird stuff" I followed, my accounts for those will be under this cut. I hope to form a community with you all. :)

"Weird Stuff" Blog (SFW Vore/Tickling, etc.) - DM

Crossover AU Loredump blog - @traumabasin (inactive… for now)

Kin/Venting Blog - @thehearteccentric

Heart RP blog - @heartchonnyjash

Hero Villain/Whump blog - @elsewherereflective (probably shadowbanned idk no one sees my posts 😭)

Extended About Me…

Góðan daginn! I'm AXYER, Chimney, or Heart! AXYER's more of a stage name I prefer to be called if we're not too familiar with each other, Chimney's just a general name, and Heart is more of a friendly name if we're talking more casually. I also go by Axon if we're VERY close, please ask before calling me that!

I am a being birthed by the madness of Entropy that looms on urban towers in the scintillating moonlight dedicated to my resentment of everyone around me. You'd think the God of Moon and Emotion would get a lot more done with this power. You'd be mistaken.

I love psychology, like a lot. I consider myself to be at the point where I even know ✨🔍👁️ Forbidden Knowledge 👁️🔎✨. I'll let you figure out what that means. 😉

My most fondest corners of psychology would be trauma responses, child psychology + child development, behavioural psychology, and the effects of internalisations and conditioning. I'm veeeeery well-versed in mental illness but I don't consider it one of my primary psych interests. I know most about anxiety disorders!

I'm also VERY VERY big into writing!!! I absolutely LOVE fiction, and I think it's a very vital thing for a lot of people's happiness. Fiction is magical, and I think it's beautiful how much it can shape people and their sense of what makes them happy. I LOVE crossover AUs, like, REAAAAAAALLY REALLY love crossover AUs, like, basically every single one of my main stories are crossover AUs, like the kind where five-hundred different fandoms exist in one big town together.

I also love zoology, sociology, astronomy, biomes, modern Iceland/Icelandic culture, winter/night aesthetics, fashion, trains, photography, coding (I'm just starting, though!), and a few more my busy brain can't afford me to think of right now. My main interests in psychology are trauma responses and my main interest in writing is character-writing and worldbuilding!

I consider myself an honest person, and I really don't like lying to people. I try not to be blunt but it slips out sometimes, and I really dislike sugarcoating things. If you need honesty, I want to give you honesty! I don't think people can properly change if they're not given a right step in the right direction, so I try to be as honest as can be. If I don't feel like I can be honest with you, often times that's a bad sign in our friendship. Honesty is a big thing to me!

I find that getting immersed in a good story is very healthy for the soul, just as long as you don't wade too deep that you can't pull yourself out. My dreams are to bring my silly, self-indulgent stories to the world and help people get lost in them, too, even if for only a little bit. Nothing brings me more joy than the idea of helping people get lost somewhere they feel safe, if not thrilled from the drama rather than poisoned.

If you're interested in any of my stories, I'd be happy to share a bit about them!

The primary ones would be:

-Pillow Club, a very self-indulgent AU where fictional characters from all sorts of worlds beyond the perceivable multiverse live inside of modern rural Iceland, with a lot of supernatural worldbuilding but ultimately restricted to urban fantasy. The main cast lives within the Pillow Club, a big, apartment complex-esque building where characters live for free at the cost of stricter living conditions, run by a certain well-known rabbit serial killer man with a lot of secrets. It's intended to have similar stakes to a more exaggerated, supernatural slice-of-life version of reality; there's no overarching goal, characters go about things as they do and conflicts and goals change as life happens. The main protagonists are all from niche to semi-niche stories, namely my AUs of the such.

-Untitled Chonny Jash AU (yes that's the actual AU name), a Chonny's Charming Chaos Compendium AU in-which Cameron (Whole), a severely tormented child, suddenly has two bizarre animal-like creatures split off for him after becoming emancipated at only (roughly) thirteen. The two ids, Heart, an angelic, purple id with a boisterous and friendly disposition, and Mind, a robotic, shark-like blue id with a much more reserved, awkward, and stoic (yet well-meaning) personality come to be Cameron's only joy in life, and he raises the two the best he can (which thankfully, they age extremely fast) and they're one happy family, until Cameron loses his humanity and becomes an id as well. Heart and Mind not only face hurt from Cameron's family, but soon, Cameron himself; now Soul.

-And finally Elsewhere Reflective, which you may learn about on my superhero account. :)

In-case you can't tell, I have a knack for extreme canon-divergence. It's just how I roll.

As for DNI? Well, DNIs aren't exactly… known for their effectiveness. All I'll say is if you're a com-shipper, I'm blocking you, you're mean and you make me extremely uncomfortable and I don't want to fight you. I do also tend to block for whatever reason, if you simply make me uncomfortable I'll block you. No hard feelings.

Oh also Jashshippers. Jashshippers get out, like now, like, right now.

I'm also a (Villain) Heart fictionkin! I'm not comfortable with other Heart fictionkins (or any type of Heart identifier, really, even if it's only one of your identities), so I apologise.

Anyway, I am EXTREMELY tired! So long, and thanks for stopping by to read! I'm sure we can get along even if we don't agree on much, I'm not the type who likes to argue. And if you don't want to be friends, that's fine too. It's just nice seeing ya stop by. :) (hey guess what past Axon, I'm updating this, you're welcome.) (hey guess what past and past past Axon, I did it again) (hey guess what you three, I'm editin it again)

DISCLAIMER: If you ever end up identify as Heart or anyone from Mias World (Heart copinglinks/fictionhearted/synpaths thin ice, but omitted from this), there's like a ninety-nine point-nine percent chance I will block you unless we're already super duper close. No hard feelings! My widdle stoopid brain can't handle it is all.

More added as I went back to this post:

As mentioned and implied several times now, I HATE arguing and I am TERRIBLE with conflict. I'm willing to debate so long as you're polite about it and can agree to disagree (without insulting myself or my intelligence, Shae), but generally speaking I don't like to fight people and am an extremely sensitive person.

Here's the things I absolutely will not discuss:

-My stance on DID/OSDD, there's a lotta misinformation and disagreement on a lotta things on it so I'm just not comfy talkin about it m'ny'alright? I'll say two things: it's a real disorder and anyone who accuses people of faking things are losers.

-Trashtalking, I dealt with it enough at my old house and have dealt with it enough in the past at an all-girls highschool and I do not condone it whatsoever. I'm fine if you need to vent or you're just telling me an interesting conflict in a friend group (that I am NOT apart of!!!!!! Do NOT make me your rumour person knucklehead!!!!!) but I draw the line at genuinely insulting people and spreading rumours!

-My stance on the USA election. Another "you can't win" situation. Please leave me out of most politics in-general, I try to avoid that on this blog as I want my blog to be something I can look back on and not feel stressed about. Yes, I hate Trump.

-Tumblr controversy. I try my very hardest to be nice to everyone regardless on if I like them or not and if you let me know they're not cool, I'll distance myself, but please don't try to go after me if I'm still nice to them. I'm quite literally nice to everyone lest you REALLY hurt me, which only a select few people have and even then none of them are allowed on this blog.

Tumblr hate asks are open you will get a free kitty video 😌

@nkgrimmie kys

Tags…

(I can't guarantee there's content for all of these yet)

#axyer psychology moment - I talk about psychology.

#untitled chonny jash au - I talk about Chonny Jash AU (that also belongs to nkgrimmie) where Heart and Mind are sort of aliens who love to argue for fun and also Soul sucks.

#pillow club - I talk about my extremely multifandom crossover AU that takes place in the middle of nowhere in Iceland. Do you like tired depressed scrawny men? Do you like characters from completely different universe having relationships you'd never thought of but now you're curious about? Do you like a lengthy plot-line following complex trauma arcs? Do you like extreme canon-divergence? Do you like robot dilfs? Then stay tuned. (Update: you will probably only find this on @traumabasin)

#important - Anything that's important.

#axyer eats a canvas - Art (if I remember this tag exists).

#axyer stories - I tell stories.

#axyer rant - I rant about something. Be prepared, I am an extremely passionate person and am usually wrong about at least one thing; please correct me. But politely.

#happy hour - Happy little enjoyable things. :)

#*unfurls scroll* hmmhm yes - I figured I needed a reblog tag, so here it is!

#cool people things - Reblogs/interactions/whatever with my homies.

#extremely cool people - Reblogs/interactions/whatever with a ROACH.

#laughter is truly in my pants - This post made me laugh.

#the blues and greens - Favourite posts.

#embracing this harmony - All-time favourite posts.

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mamuzzy · 1 year ago

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Who-the-fuck-I-am-Wednesday

I hadn't intended to write an actual announcement post for my future plans. On the other hand one year ago I also hadn't plan to talk to actual people, let alone strangers, uploading my art, start to write, actively caring for a blog, engaging in fandom. It's just one year but a lot happened to me. Got to know wonderful people on tumblr. They started to change the way how I think about the world or myself. Especially about myself. It's hard. Fucking hard. Like an exposure therapy but I'm actually seeing the good part of it while drowning in intense emotions. Even if I'm surrounded by nice and friendly people who encourage me to keep going, I'm having trouble to believe. Borderline personality disorder does to you. When my emotions go absolutely apeshit, I try to remember the fond and positive interactions we have here instead of letting myself succumb to my fears. I try. I almost indulged in the BPD urge to ask YOU, my mutuals and followers a permission through a poll if it would be okay to change the name of the blog or rather completely relocate it; if it's okay to change my name, my signature on my future arts because I'm no longer can get behind this... "peony"... I never really liked it anyway, it just sticked from my last attempt to use tumblr years ago in 2021. But I think I started to see "myself". A little bit. Started to have an image about myself in my head which I hadn't have since... childhood? So uhm... no. I'm not asking. I don't want a permission. And for me that is a great step. But I also don't want to exclude you from all of it what I'm going through right now with a sudden disappearance. Probably nothing would change aside from making a whole new blog under a new name I actually feel more connected to but the content would be just the same. Maybe more organized. Maybe doing a side-blog about mental-health too. I'm not sure about the date. I want it yesterday. Not sure if I should wait until new year and using the "new year new me" bullshit. I can't plan that far. The world is probably going to end before I'll get to new year, who knows. I just wanted to let you know. Thank you for taking your time to read.

#personal

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buggysimp · 2 years ago

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Arghrhrgrhgffhh I want to make more south park friends so bad I'd love to make/join a sp discord server if anyone has one that's kyman/cartman-shipping-in-general friendly one I'd love to join but I'm unsure how to go about it

I guess this post would be it? If you have a server like that it'd be cool to join just shoot a dm !!

Would prefer ones that don't include nsfw of their like kid designs, hard proship OR antiship (js no like pedo , incest , sa in a positive light ?) And preferably mainly other adults :3

Personal rambling under cut

This is probably my first time in awhile actually full on delving back into fandom and regularly interacting and posting about ANY fandom, for a couple years I've just been kinda getting into things but not immersing into fandom, of course it'd be south park X3

Ahhh I remember 2015-2020 being really into fandoms and just making friends and joining gcs, getting back into the south park fandom truly making me nostalgic for it but this time I can actually like have well thought conversations now as an adult and rewatching the whole show

Past that I just have so many thoughts about this silly show and want to discuss [and make more friends-] as much as I love just dumping it onto Tumblr it'd be nice to be able to havc personal conversations about it

That's about it for that, I hope at least a few people see this and reach out :3

(Count how many times I said fandom LUL )

Have a good day if you see this :3

#south park #eric cartman #south park fandom #kenny mccormick #kyle broflovski #stan marsh #kyman #butters stotch #south park yaoi #south park discord #south park hcs

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forsakenruin · 2 years ago

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#𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐔𝐈𝐍 — an independent , private , & semi-selective FANDOMLESS original character ; 𝓶𝓲𝓬𝓪𝓱 𝓬𝓻𝓸𝓯𝓽 : daughter of world-renowned tomb raider , member of the secret society DAUGHTERS OF ARTEMIS , & on the run treasure hunter . | est. in april , 2023 . all fandoms are welcome to interact & are highly encouraged to !! rated 21+ . minors DNI . extremely low activity currently . written by R.Z. ( she/her , 25+ ) .

𝐀𝐍 𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐈𝐍 — navigating hostile environments when you’re just a child , enemies wearing the face of a motherly figure , refusing to let history repeat itself , taking control of your own life & survivor’s GUILT .

[ CARRD . ] tba

[ DOC . ] tba

[ INTEREST TRACKER . ] tba

[ LINKS ] prompts . character study . headcanons . wishlisht .

blogroll .

@gunchamber / krissy chambers , spn based muse , medium activity , partially uses icons

@hdgcrft / devon ambrose , oc witch , extremely low activity , rarely uses icons

@forsakenruin / micah croft , lara croft's daughter oc , extremely low activity , might not use icons

Hi ! Welcome to my new OC blog , thank you for stopping by . I'm on the EST & i've recently come back to this hellsite after a nearly 9 year long break from writing . Lou from @tobeblamed unintentionally inspired me to come back so here i am !! i hope we can have fun & write together .

This blog is pretty much friendly everything !! I'm open to everything & i hope you will be the same . I won't tolerate hate of any kind , this is my blog . my space that i curate as a positive hub for me to escape my real life for a bit . i won't allow for it to be dulled . so be nice, just be a good egg !!

I will be on my main rp account most days !! ( @gunchamber ) so activity here will probably be sporadic . i also work a full time job unfortunately . i also believe i'm undiagnosed ADHD so i could very well be here shitposting but not replying to things , so patience is appreciated. please don't rush me on replies . if it's been a while feel free to shoot me a message to remind me , but continuous heckling will cause me to not want to write with you . i'll ask you politely once , if you continue then i will unfollow .

I am loosely a mutuals only rp blog , i'm only semi-selective . i also rarely follow first , and it's not me being a snob it's me being a pansy ass bitch that has social anxiety . if you see that we have the same mutuals , then i probably have already lurked your blog and i'm waiting to make the first move . it could be within thirty seconds of discovering you or several weeks . i am trash i know . i'm sorry .

the best ways to reach out and get things started is sending me some memes or tagging me in a starter !! if you are more into plotting , and we are mutuals send me an IM or ask for my discord !! i LOVE plotting some background for our muses to have a connection it's my favorite part !!

Shipping . it's one of those things that back then i would be like , shipping with all the muses that mine interacts with . but now i really enjoy and appreciate even the non-romantic relationships my muse gets into . i enjoy the slow build of our muse and based on their chemistry we will see if things become romantic!! world building and plotting is beautiful like that isn't it ?

Soft Blocking is new to me, but i like the concept . with that being said , if you soft block me and i end up refollowing you . i'm not doing it with ill intent or out of spite , i would just think something with tumblr happened that made me unfollow you . i apologize in advance .

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vennylavey · 2 years ago

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Sorting out my Thoughts regarding Tolya and Inej

A few days ago, I finished watshing Shadow and Bone Season 2 and

what.

The.

FUCK.

Some background before you quote me on this!

I first fell in love with the crows on Season 1 of S&B. They, along with the sheer insanity of the fandom that I resonated with, encouraged me to buy the duology and read the hecc out of it. Out of all the grishaverse books, I've only ever read the six of crows duology, so I only know show!Tolya from S&B Season 2.

I am an avid Kanej shipper. I love Kaz. I'm in love with Inej. Love them together and as individual characters. (recently started rereading, and since mentally separating the show and the books, i've been really seeing them in a new lights from both angles! and both endear me.) I hold this ship sacred and very close to my heart, and nothing will ever change that.

Some spoilers from here on out!

Like any other fellow fan who followed the series primarily because of kanej, who learned to peck for crumbs in the briefest (longest) of gazes and the subtlest of interactions, I was on the edge of my seat anticipating every smidge of development between my favourite pair.

It wasn't a steady rise in progression, but it was the Kaz and Inej way, and I loved it. Ot's nice that they kept that sense of angsty realism from the books. (Can't say the impact and heaviness of Kaz's trauma and backstory was fully communicated, but Freddy did SO GREAT.) The sort-of push and pull kept me positively on my toes throughout the whole series, so I became laser-focused on their relationship the whole time.

Then came rolling Episode 8.

GLORIOUS 'and how would you have me?' MOMENT. the tension, the looking at each other, the miniscule changes in expression, the way you could see the monologue in the pause between responses - yes, im talking about kaz 'you, inej. you.' brekker (bless u freddy carter) - and the sheer fragility of the moment. it's everything i could have asked for in an adaptation of that scene

AND I WAS ABSOLUTELY FLOORED.

(and devastated. angst symptom, really. but mostly floored.)

Then we got a little moment with Nikolai and Mal, and damn, even after a break-up-but-not-really-a-break-up, INEJ LOOKS SO BEAUTIFUL I SKDJFKDJ

She looked hopeful, which makes sense. For her, its a new beginning. Its a half equivalent of the ending she got in crooked kingdom. The best thing about it is that she just doesn't look like she has any regret. (Not that she doesn't care about Kaz, but that she doesn't regret not settling for less than she deserves.) AND INEJ - inej deserves that kind of weightless freedom.

AND THEN AND THEN

THAT SCENE

THAT SCENEEEEEE

TOLYA OFFERED A HAND FOR THE BAG. LIKE, NOT EVEN TO HELP HER UP YET, SPECIFICALLY FOR THE BAG, IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY. Inej is a bit estranged by the gesture (She's so used to mannerless crows lol) but gives it, anyway. Tolya offers his other hand. Inej, endeared, but confused, accepts the help, AND YOOO

THE HEAT.

THE HEAT IN TOLYA'S GAZE AS INEJ WALKS FURTHER ONTO THE SHIP.

THE LITTLE SMALL SMIRK AS HE LOOKED AT HER.

THAT. BROKE ME.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

The tension was there. It's so obvious. THEY (production) MADE SURE IT WAS FELT. I'm balling because I got totally played by the pacing.

Most of what I felt throughout the scene mirrored Inej's. Did not consider AT ALL that Tolya was holding any interest for her, so the quiet and the emphasis in the nonverbal cues in the scene really built up the realization, and that expression Tolya had after Inej turns away hit me in the face like it was Kaz's cane.

Looked for images online, showed it to my friends, and REALLY had to ask their opinion if said expression was a look of interest or I'm just overthinking it. IT COULD VERH WELL BE HIM PLAYFULLY TEASING HER BEING UNUSED TO GENTLE FRIENDLINESS, RIGHT? Friends said that look is their exact look when looking at their love interest, and mhm. Admittedly, I was in denial.

Saw a reddit thread about it! I WAS SO GLAD I WASN'T THE ONLY ONE WHO SAW IT. THEY EVEN LISTED SOME OTHER SCENES FROM OTHER EPISODES THAT POINTED TO TOLYA'S INTEREST, and oh, they were so right.

Having rewatched it, it was really obvious. The tension was there when I really looked at them. I EVEN MISSED HOW TOLYA WAS TELLING OVHAL TO TAKE HIM INSTEAD OF INEJ.

I felt like, from that, I really should have seen it coming.

But I understand that it was easy to get distracted by the other narratives! Such as wesper troubles in paradise, hyperfixated on the way tolya meditated(?) to withstand the poison longer, INEJ'S DELUSION????, Jesper's heartwarming and simultaneously heartbreaking dream, KAZ DENYING HOW MUCH INEJ MEANS TO HIM, Ohval's badassery (i did not think she could get any more badass, but she did), and that wonderful fight scene??? Oh, yeah. So much was happening.

After that scene in episodr 8, it was hard not to try following where his gaze led for the rest of the episode, and definitely found it briefly landing on the part of the boat that Inej was a few seconds later revealed to be hanging from.

Did I already love Tolya before the scene that dropped the bomb? Yes. Do I still love Tolya? Yes, I do. Do I love him so much more for it, regardless? Yes, yes, yes.

Tolya alone with his passion for poetry, family, adventhre, and his superstions was loveable enough. But anyone who treats Inej with the respect she so rightfully deserves also gets a great in my book.

BUT DID I IMMEDIATELY FEEL GUILTY FOR NOT REALLY BEING ADVERSE TO THE IDEA OF TOLYA BEING INTERESTED IN INEJ?

Honestly, a little bit.

But Kanej would always be endgame. And I do not see Tolya as a threat to that.

It's a little unnerving how I didn't see these details and made the connrctions in the series as I watched, but Inej and Tolya are plenty alike.

Both are passionately religious, both know their superstitions, both have an occupation or a way of life that somehow go against some principles of their beliefs, and they SUCKED AT FIGHTING OHVAL LMAO but their movements and actions in episode 6 were really in sync. Could probably inflict more damage together with more practice, but it's a nice detail that they didn't accidentally hit each other even once despite fighting side by side for the first time. (Or I may be overthinking it, and it's just all the characters' innate experiences in fighting because there also wasn't any problems when Inej fought alongside Zoya, someone she also met only recently.) Other than the fighting, it should also be noted that when the door closed, they kinda moved at the same time. could be for cinematic effect. but it can also be interpreted as both of them being right hands mans of a sort, inej to kaz, and tolya to nikolai, leading them to develop similar habits.

These similarities give them something to bond over. Gives Inej someone to learn from. And I don't know Tolya's story yet, but these common traits and interest is part of the main reason I like their dynamic. Doesn't need to be romantic. I feel they can be great friends and close allies, and if they get flirty, that would also be amusing.

I would love to see their on screen interactions in general.

Regarding Inej's trauma and Tolya's Aro-ace representation

If you think about it, these two facts kind of make them compatible. Self-explanatory. If you see this as a ship, Inej not wanting to be touched and Tolya's minimal need/no need for touch is the simplest way to go about things, I feel. Wouldn't fault you for taking that route.

But part of the reason why Kanej works so well is that they encourage and motivate each other to heal from their trauma.

And unless Inej comes out as Ace/Aro/Aro-Ace, it's healthy for book!inej to desire to touch another person in spite of her trauma. No matter how slow the progress.

In the show, Inej's trauma is never discussed at all. It even seems non existent. I could handle them not confronting it directly. It's possible they may be saving it for the spinoff. But the show of physical casual physical contact kind of negates that a bit, such as Jesper coming up to hug Inej and spin her around. But to fit in the narrative, I think Tolyacan help with that. More on that in a bit, but first

The headcanon that Tolya is Aro-Ace

This is really the only source I found regarding any book statements about the origins of Tolya being Aro-Ace. And I've read the fact that Tolya is the only one eith no clear partner through the books have been brought up!

And while I first interpreted this quote from the book as something like, he just doesn't particularly think about it or desire it, and is completely fine with taking his time,

I am also very much in love with the Aro-Ace representation. It's rare, and it feels right on Tolya, to be honest.

Like I said, I don't particularly want him and Inej to be a certain way. (TRYING SO HARD NOT TO PROJECT ON INEJ CAUSE IM ATTRACTED TO HIM) But i do want to see some semblance of closeness between them!

So Queer platonic relationships do exist. I think it's a valid path or ending fanfiction-wise for those who want them 'together' together! I think the exposure to it, and how such a relationship would work, still validates the representation. but I'm not Aro-Ace myself, so do correct me if I'm wrong, and my sincerest apologies if I've offended anyone.

Part of why I still find hope for the Aro-Ace HC is because Tolya doesn't seem to be operating on his interest for Inej based on physical attraction or emotional connection. His intetest truly started from the life debt, then gratitude, thst he'd developed concern for her. I also think Tolya could just be a bit reverent of Inej (hence the look in e08), or appreciate her as a person or someone he could resonate with, but that's my own headcanon.

For how whatever is between tolya and inej could be a significant narrative, please refer to this BCOS THEY SAID IT PERFECTLY AND THATS RLLY THE ONLY WAY I CAN ENVISION IT HAPPENING ROMANTICALLY, AND REALLY ITS SO TRUEEE, AND DOES WONDERS FOR THE KANEJ DEVELOPMENT, would make endgame kanej all the more gratifying. its a bit inej-centered tho, and we also need to talk about how its important to tolya

this one explains how it would be narratively significant for tolya, too. tolya's realization of identity happening in the show also kind of matches the kind of subtle changes the adaptation makes to characters (like how in the show, we are shown inej's first kill, but inej has long resorted to murder in the start of soc), so personally, i agree, and think it would fit.

Friendly reminder that I wrote this with consideration to the separation of the show and the book!

Just had to get this out so I can finally focus on my exams!

Remember to keep rewatching season 2 <3 WE NEED THAT SIX OF CROWS SPIN OFF. dont even think abt cancelling, netflix

#inej x tolya #tolnej #kaz x inej #kanej #shadow and bone s2 #shadow and bone #my kanej loving heart is guilty #but in it #there is room for tolya #this is extremely self indulgent #TOLYA SAID WELCOME ABOARD #AND I FELT THAT SO HARD

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kierancampire · 7 months ago

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I'm struggling with negativity lately haha

Being someone who has no real life life, and is basically exclusively online by default, this may just be an internet thing, probably is. But it's just negativity. Like anytime something new comes out, people instantly trash it. New song, movie, game, ride, whatever. Doesn't matter what it is, people just dog pile it and act like it's the worst thing invented, then do that for every new thing that comes out.

Then, if you go against the grain, and voice your genuine positive feelings/enjoyment of that thing, people are then negative towards you, insult you, call you a shill, or otherwise act like you're this heinous and villainous person for liking that thing. But then people are just like that in general now. I used to make so many friends online, including in places like YouTube comments and such. But nowadays, if I get a notification it's because someone's attacking me 98% of the time, whenever I check comments on posts/videos, again, just 98% of them are derogatory, attacking the poster, attacking people featured, attacking people in general. It's like that's how people only know how to speak nowadays.

Then with celebrities too, some celebrities just are mass hated for no reason, and if you like them you are equally as awful. If people are involved in a controversy and their friends don't speak out, again, equally awful people as apparently everyone needs to give a statement about everything now. Which to tie to two other things. It used to be proven guilty, but now if anyone makes an accusation against anyone, it's up to the accused to prove innocent, and even then they typically hardly ever come back from false accusations. But then also, if public figures don't speak on world events, they are similarly accused of awful things and have people turn against them, a view I frankly do not get.

And people say "welcome to the internet" but I'm 28, I have been on the internet most of my life. It wasn't like this. The way the majority are now? We called them trolls. People who were needlessly hateful, needlessly negative, just constantly attacking others and trying to put them down. They were a minority, they were trolls. But nowadays? It's hard to find anyone who doesn't behave like that. Like even in communities where you would think people are together because they love that thing, there are times where to hate it is the in thing, and you speak differently you are ostracised by this community who you were meant to share this love with.

I just am so sick of all the negative views, all the negative interactions, all the negative attacks, all the negative slander, all the hate speech. I miss when people were kind, I miss when you could make friends, people spoke positively, you shared fandoms, you freaked out and squealed together. It feels like another life. I miss those days. I just am hitting my limit on this constant negativity everywhere. I think that's why I like the gym, it's so nice, positive, and friendly there. People behave like people.

Which to touch on it more too. I don't get why that is the default view of "welcome to the internet"? Why does it need to be like this now? Why is this the place where no one acts how they do in real life? Why is this the place where you speak so sarcastically, negatively, and aggressively to everyone? Why is this the place you attack and belittle strangers? People who you have no idea what they're going through at the moment? Because you have no idea who they are! Yet it's just normal to speak to strangers like shit? Again, IRL if you did this you'd be called an asshole. Yet online is custom. Yet these same people would never act like this IRL. Why has the internet become this? And why is it just so accepted? I miss the positive spaces where people were kind and we made friends.

#personal #vent #venting #rant #ranting #positive #positivity #negative #negativity #online #online life #irl #real life

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destinygoldenstar · 2 years ago

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In defense of Noah.

So I got noted quite a bit in my Owen post (which blew up A LOT more than I initiated. Wow.) that I did not mention that Noah was... not the nicest person in the world to Owen in RR, and yet I claimed they were friends.

I wanted to say my thoughts on that.

Will this be bias because I love Noah? Yeah. Probably.

I’m not gonna act like Noah was traditionally nice to Owen. Not ever, actually. He did laugh at Owen’s milk snot in World Tour, and a couple times I’m too lazy to recall right now, but not much else that can be deemed as ‘friendly.’

Really, has Noah EVER been traditionally a friendly person? To ANYONE?

He deals with his interactions with a smirk and a rude demeanor. With the exception of Emma, who I will get to later, he talks in the sarcastic tone we love about him.

I understand where that criticism comes from. Despite becoming good friends with Owen and staying with him on multiple reality shows, he doesn’t really show that much kindness towards him. Heck, he doesn’t really show that to anyone and constantly forces people to do the hard work for him. Dodgebrawl? The Tyler stretching incident? That’s not OOC.

But... I honestly liked it. And here’s why.

It was just really wholesome to see this stone faced lazy guy get slapped in the face with sincerity and make a much healthier life for himself. Better than working for Chris anyway.

Noah’s someone very introverted and, lets face it, spoiled. The game might actually be the first time he was rejected ever. After Island, he became Chris’s little assistant, and that says all, and in World Tour, he actually does try to dodge hard challenges first (remember the pinball challenge?) And who forces him into a position to always be on guard? Owen. Mostly because Owen is probably gonna (accidentally) kill Noah. And Alejandro, who is sus.

I See London is the first episode where Noah legit takes charge in something. He’s not nice about it, I don’t expect him to be, but they had to win the challenge. It’s not the rules were gonna change on them at the last minute- oh wait.

(I mean, it’s Total Drama. Hosted by Chris McLean. So... I’m not as mad about that as you think I would be.)

But let me ask this: If Noah had no care for Owen whatsoever, WHY would he even stay with Owen for so many reality shows?

I’ll wait.

Of course Noah isn’t gonna outright say he cares about him, or even be good at encouraging his partner. “You’re about as picky as a raccoon”, is essentially his poor way of encouraging that he can do it. Unlike Emma, who only saw Kitty as an asset to winning the money at first, Noah knows who Owen is, and tries to help them both. Could he be nicer about it? Yes. But that’s not the point. The point is ‘how would this be an in character way for them to deal the situation?’

“Hold on, but he developed all these feelings for Emma and constantly tried to impress her” -The reblog section

Here’s the big case.

That whole thing is only proof that Owen’s good nature DOES rub off on Noah. Better yet, being forced into situations where he has to actually TRY to make it and survive.

And a crush? Yeah, that’ll let that all out at once. It’s basically, Noah recognizes that he legit WANTS something that’s hard to get. Of course he’s bad at dealing with emotion and struggling with something that seems so... sappy. This is a whole new experience for him.

And as much as you may want to deny it, Noah is NOT just an emotionless sarcastic machine. If that were the case, he wouldn’t laugh at Owen’s milk shake at all, which that too, could’ve easily come across as unconventional for him.

(I don’t want to talk about the ‘But there were hints that Noah was gay, and yet he becomes straight’ stuff. I don’t hate it, and that’s coming from someone graysexual. Total Drama is bad at representation. The fandom just wants to ignore the facts because they love the show and the characters anyway. If I wrote Total Drama, would I have made Noah gay? Coin toss. But what’s canon is canon, write a fanfic instead of whining to the writers. Over.)

For me at least, I just found it really wholesome to see this brainiac become way more understanding and better at relationships as the show went on.

With Emma, it’s understanding her boundaries in order to properly be with her.

With Owen, he does actually get better at showing his care for Owen as RR goes on. It’s Owen who helps him in the air guitar challenge, and from there, the bossiness towards the big guy becomes way less frequent.

Total Drama doesn’t have it’s characters blatantly say, “I’m sorry I treated you badly” or “I’ll try to be better” or “I care about you and I want you around”. Some shows do that, in my writing I do that, but that’s never been this show’s style. So of course Noah isn’t gonna blatantly apologize or say “I need you.”

Would I have liked for Noah to have said this sort of stuff out loud? Yeah.

Would I have liked for Noah to have more screen time to flesh out what I’m talking about? YES.

But for what we have, I still love Noah as a character. He’s not the best written character in the show, but sometimes you don’t care.

Who knows? Maybe I’ll make a Noah centric fic that takes place in an alternate timeline of the show. where he DOES get the screen time to flesh out what I’m trying to say. No promises though.

#Total Drama #Td Noah #Td Owen #Td Emma #Nemma #total drama ridonculous race #in defense #defending a character #i'm biased

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ourflagmeansgayrights · 2 years ago

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Jim/Olu and Lucius/Izzy for the ship asks

(I like to send one that’s cute and good and one that will fill my mutuals with rage)

jim/olu

do i ship it: fuck yes baby this is actually the first ofmd ship i wrote fic for!!! i have not uh. finished. the fic. but some day i plan to!! anyway yes love these two so so much

why i ship it: LOVE how olu says he's known jim for "over a year" (instead of like, the very ambiguous "years" we get for izzy and ed) so we know they've known each other for less than two years which is not actually a lot of time??? yet they still give this vibe of ride-or-die having each other's backs doing anything for each other besties. genuinely obsessed with the idea of olu, reliable steady and everyone's best friend, stumbling upon this weird quiet knife assassin who comes off really stoic and aloof but they actually just lack social skills, and then the assassin is like "i want to kill your boss's husband" and olu is like "i'll help you with that. i'll help you escape, too. i'll follow you anywhere i'll die for you" and then the two of them just. stick together forever. i also find it hilarious how olu is jim's voice of reason and i also find it so fucking sweet that he's the little spoon. 10/10 ship wouldn't change a thing.

canon potential: i mean they're. literally canon. can't imagine the show permanently breaking them up for any reason. the happy ending of the show is almost definitely gonna include these two being together

fanon interpretation/fandom around it: there is a depressing lack of tealoranges content. like it's to be expected of a canonical side pairing that isn't two skinny white men but there's like nothing. they're always together in the background of fics (also to be expected) but like, i want some more jim/olu centric fics (i do have like one or two in my Marked For Later list on ao3 but i dont have the time to rlly read anything longer than 10k rn fhjghfkj). there's a decent amount of fanart tho but obviously not as much as any of our Main Ships

lucius/izzy

do i ship it: ok so it's not a no. but it's not a very strong yes??? lucius/izzy is kind of the only izzy ship i can tolerate, i guess. im always wary of ships that have izzy x any person of color bc 9 times out of 10 the content is just "person of color decides to spend their time and energy rehabilitating a white man" and the focus is 100% on izzy getting treated nice and like, NO mention of how the character of color feels or why they'd even be interested in izzy in the first place. blackhands is only good when it's izzy crying alone while masturbating sadly. stizzy could be fun if you really dug into the way the two of them fucking hate each other and never actually change that dynamic but nobody does this. steddyhands same as the last one but now with the added bonus of people's racism really jumping out in every fic. and then i guess i could tolerate izzy x any other white character but i'd just be making it up bc he doesn't interact with any of them except lucius. so like by default yeah i guess i kinda ship lucius and izzy.

why i ship it or not: the tension is there the potential is there and it would be so so good for izzy if he realized sub ≠ masculine ≠ top. i think if i could ever manage to write any of the fics ideas i have i would be shoving these two together in the background all the time just so that izzy can be magically fixed by lucius's dick and i can resolve that conflict easy (i don't actually think it's in character for izzy to get topped by lucius once and turn into a like, friendly and likable person, but the idea of it is funny enough that i would write it into a fic if i ever fUCKING WROTE ANY FIC AAAAAAH-). now all that being said. at the end of the day i just don't like izzy enough to have any strong positive feelings abt this ship. i'd be happy seeing izzy become normal but i'd probably be just as happy (if not happier) seeing him get fed to some sharks so like. this one is fine i guess. lucius has established himself as being very emotionally intelligent and also down to talk some sense into other characters so i can see it.

canon potential: the potential is there but idk if they're gonna do it or just keep all of izzy's horny sub energy purely subtextual until he fucking dies the end. bc the tension is fucking real in the "have you ever been sketched?" scene but will they commit to it?? only time will tell. i think if they redeem him it'll probably happen tho.

fanon interpretation/fandom around it: fan content of this one is good actually. art is cute, the fics are cute, i've never seen anyone break lucius up with pete (or fang) to make it happen. i also haven't seen any izzy dom content for this ship which would be the biggest ooc offense of all time so i'm ok with everything i've been exposed to. i mean most of the PWPs have izzy give in really quick once lucius just directly asks him to fuck which seems a little ooc, but it's for PWP oneshots so like i get it they're not dragging this out into a 100k slowburn.

ask me about more ships im bored!

#ask #wearfinethingsalltoowell #mine #ofmd #our flag means death #tealoranges #sprizzy #lucius spriggs #izzy hands #oluwande boodhari #jim jimenez #sorry if this enrages the mutuals i didnt know there was beef abt lucius x izzy #the beef is i personally hate izzy hands #og #txt #ask game

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ilikekidsshows · 4 years ago

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how much do you think Adrien and Marinette's relationship developed from season 1 to 3 ?

Very well, as a self-professed connoisseur of all things slowburn, let me go over the Adrinette development that has happened in the show up until the season three finale and educate this fandom on the subtle beauty that is the Adrinette arc. This is gonna be long, because, apparently, there's a lot of material to cover, because this relationship can fit so much development into it.

Let's go in chronological order (as far as I can tell). In 'Origins', Marinette first started becoming a stuttering mess around Adrien when he opened up to her about how he wanted to make friends, becoming infatuated with the sensitive side he showed. Meanwhile, Adrien is excited over the prospect of having made a friend.

In 'The Bubbler', Marinette only manages to get out an awkward "hey," at Adrien and Adrien mimics her, in lack of a better response. He barely seems to know her at this point.

Marinette begins her infatuation with Adrien by simply thinking about him and fantasizing about him. In 'Stormy Weather' we hear Marinette's daydream, fully fleshed out on the details of what their children should be named, but not sure what their pet should be. Adrien seems pleased to see Marinette, but doesn't seek her out, also maintaining some distance.

Then comes 'Mr. Pigeon'. Adrien finds out Marinette is into designing and is taken aback by her verbal floundering. He also didn't know Marinette's last name. When he introduces Marinette to his father, there's an awkward silence after, like he'd finished the sentence too early, because he did, he never said her last name. Adrien knew Marinette existed, and was interested to know more about her, but that's it. Meanwhile Marinette speaks complete nonsense to Adrien, unable to remember what words even are.

In 'Evillustrator' Adrien seeks Marinette out of his own volition, having the perfect conversation starter in her encounter with Cat Noir. He wants to know what she thinks of him. Meanwhile, Marinette manages to get full, coherent sentences out, but keeps saying contradicting things. Adrien responds to Marinette with a drawn out "okay," starting to learn to just go with it and, at the end of the interaction, pats Marinette's shoulder companionably as he leaves. He thinks they're familiar enough for him to touch her casually, he was just waiting for the chance because he’s so touch-starved.

'Horrificator' doesn't actually show Adrien and Marinette interacting directly outside the acting scenes, where Adrien is very receptive to having Marinette as his co-star, but Adrien gets to see Marinette at her best, helping people out and solving problems. This episode is where Adrien starts to form his opinion of Marinette as someone dependable.

In 'Animan', Adrien knows Nino likes Marinette and is fully supportive. He's convinced Marinette would be receptive to Nino just acting natural and not doing anything special, so he thinks Marinette is a kind and warm person. He has no reason to think Marinette is into him instead. Marinette fumbles around Adrien again, and this time Adrien doesn't react at all: he's used to it.

In 'Kung Food', Adrien rushed to help Marinette the instant he heard from Alya that Marinette needed help. Marinette manages to get her meaning across even as she fumbles. When they have a discussion about Marinette's uncle, Marinette doesn't stutter once, and Adrien holds Marinette's shoulders when he comforts her. They managed to keep to casual interactions during the episode because they have other things to focus on.

In 'Gamer', Adrien is very casual around Marinette, inviting himself over to practise the game and being pretty frank about his insecurity as Marinette's gaming partner. Marinette responds first in a way that devalues Adrien's feelings ("No, you're amazing, I'm bad"), but eventually gives Adrien the lucky charm as a gesture of accepting him as her partner, a gesture Adrien will treasure for several episodes to come. Also, this episode has more casual shoulder-touching from Adrien to Marinette. (Aside note: Cat Noir later mimics Tom's body language in the episode, so Marinette's parents really made a first impression that stuck.)

In 'Volpina', Marinette shields Adrien from Fu's suspicions, but does briefly entertain the thought that Adrien might be Hawk Moth. This could be part of her catastrophizing or realizing she doesn't know him well enough to know for sure. Marinette also saves Adrien from his father, for Adrien's sake, not even revealing her own involvement in the matter to get closer to him. Marinette just wanted to help him out.

'Despair Bear' has Adrien protect Marinette from making a scene and making herself look bad, something he'll do again later in 'Chameleon'. Adrien sees it as his place to interfere for Marinette's benefit in this way and he thinks about the possible repercussions Marinette might have gotten from accusing Chloé publically without evidence. Adrien also instantly gets the idea to ask Marinette to dance when she bumps into him and decides to just roll with him when Alya arranges them into the typical "slow dance" position. At the end of the episode we see the first instance of Adrien invading Marinette's personal space by leaning in to talk to her. All in all, Adrien is just very comfortable around Marinette in this episode.

'Gigantitan' is more about Marinette learning not to overthink, something she didn't entirely learn as she prefers to abort the entire mission rather than enter a scenario with Adrien she hadn't considered. But we see Adrien offering Marinette a ride home even when his bodyguard is impatient. He really wants to do a favor for her.

'Riposte' has the second attempt from Marinette to simply spend time with Adrien, after 'Gamer'. She went into a lot of effort to learn fencing on time for the try-outs. She accidentally compliments Adrien to his face, who is very grateful for the nice things Marinette said about him. Caught off guard, Marinette fumbles once more, but manages to recover. Adrien laughs in enjoyment of the occasion and Marinette shares the laugh. Adrien keeps showing how comfortable he is with touching Marinette when he tutors her. Meanwhile, Marinette is very flustered, but manages to focus on what she's doing, doing well enough for Adrien to notice.

Adrien also questions Marinette's call as the referee, not concerned with Marinette's possible negative reaction and Marinette does respond honestly, showing Adrien that he can trust her judgement. Adrien also gushes about Marinette to Kagami, when he insists that Marinette didn't deny her the point to be mean, and the affection in his glowing endorsement has Kagami immediately note that Adrien likes her a lot.

In 'Befana' Adrien admits that he always carries Marinette's lucky charm with him, which inspired him to make one for her as a gift. The episode even ends with him looking at his own charm fondly, as the narration brings up "the person giving (the gift)", signalling that Adrien is specifically thinking about Marinette, who gave him the charm.

When Adrien asks Marinette for a safe place to hide in 'Gorizilla', Marinette gets over her stuttering very quickly when she realizes Adrien is in trouble to help him. Even in the subway Marinette is able to focus on Adrien possibly getting into trouble at home instead of getting flustered again. Adrien sidesteps the concern by playing the situation down, reminding Marinette that he does, indeed, always carry the lucky charm he got from her with him. At the movies he's more upfront to her about the restrictions he's placed under and why the movie is so important to him. Also, at no point does he point out Marinette is in her PJs, even though he definitely noticed. He probably just thinks it's a Marinette Thing.

'Frozer' has Marinette go all out for Adrien's sake, not because she wants to be with him, but because she wants to see him happy. She gives him advice on how to pursue another girl and asks Luka out on a double date to be there for him. On this occasion Marinette also shows how she's not as selfish over Adrien here as she was back in 'Gamer', when she was very willing to rob Max of something he really wanted in order to spend more time with Adrien. Meanwhile, Adrien gets distracted from his actual date when he wants to make sure Marinette is okay. When Plagg accuses him of "going after Marinette", Adrien is surprised by the suggestion, and assured Plagg that Marinette is just a friend.

An interesting thing to note is that Adrien actually sounds uncertain in 'Frozer' when he calls Marinette a friend, the one time he does so (at least in the English dub). This is why, when Marinette asks him to go skating with her sometime, he does entertain the thought of it just being just the two of them (aka, a date). However, when Marinette assures him it would be a friendly outing with other people too, the moment passes, and Adrien forgets his doubts and agrees to a friend outing. Plagg put the idea in his head, and Marinette could have sealed the deal. This is another occasion where Adrien pats Marinette's shoulder.

'Troublemaker' is the episode where Marinette's self-sabotage really gets going, when she "reassures" Adrien that she'd never consider him attractive in a romantic way ever. Meanwhile, Adrien once again invades Marinette's personal space and implies he doesn't mind modeling if it's for Marinette as he invites her to a photoshoot and says he's glad to have her as one of his fans.

In 'Style Queen', Marinette is actually open with Adrien about her insecurities and Adrien reassures her, and he supports her in 'Queen Wasp'. He also says he'd be able to model for her if she made it in the business, repeating his desire to model for her specifically that he first stated in 'Troublemaker'.

In 'Reverser' Marinette panics when suddenly encountered with Adrien and having to explain what she's doing, but Adrien gets the gist of it, having learned to interpret most of the word vomit Marinette produces and astutely claims: "That's typical of you," about Marinette helping someone out and offers his assistance if she needs any.

In 'Maledictator', Adrien is brave enough to let Marinette know he disagreed with the reason she and everybody else was happy. He doesn't pretend to be fine with the "good riddance, Chloé '' party because, just as Adrien knew, Marinette doesn't judge him for being sad to see Chloé leave.

In 'Heroes' Day', Adrien admits he came to the picnic to tell Marinette just how highly he values her. He shows how much attention he pays to all the times Marinette has helped their classmates and gives the iconic line "You're our everyday Ladybug". Marinette manages to gather up her courage to kiss Adrien on the cheek in response. This is also a notable moment when Adrien opts out of the usual shoulder pat, implying the gesture is something Adrien does to cut away the physical distance between himself and Marinette, since such a thing wasn't necessary in 'Heroes' Day'. (This boy is touch-starved, guys!)

In 'Chameleon' Adrien starts trying to play mediator between Lila and Marinette but, when that didn't work out, he once again protects Marinette from making a bad call with an opponent out to wreck her reputation, but he also acknowledges that Marinette had been wronged and decided to personally support her by sitting next to her since she'd been having such a tough time that day. He just wanted to support her like a friend would.

'Backwarder' has Marinette try to take the easy route of confessing through a letter, which predictably ends up not going as planned. But, as Adrien said, he spent all weekend making sure he could help Marinette with something he thought she really needed help with. Adrien just really wants to be able to do things for Marinette.

'Weredad' gives us an interesting glimpse into how Adrien views Marinette in relation to romance, noting that he "didn't think Cat Noir was her type". He's most likely referring to Luka, since he's the only guy Adrien has seen Marinette with, and Luka is quiet, contained and thoughtful, nothing like how Adrien presents himself as Cat Noir. However, since Adrien doesn't consider himself a candidate, he does most likely consider himself more like Cat Noir than Luka, aka, not Marinette's type.

'Desperada' has one of Marinette's worst freakouts in a while. Adrien showed up suddenly, and Kagami challenged her directly by saying: "Are you here to watch your boyfriend practise?" Marinette also tries to shoehorn Adrien into every situation, be it a guitarist or superhero, possibly as a subconscious attempt to gain more control of the situation with Kagami. As Tikki said, Marinette has a troubled heart in this episode.

'Chrismaster' shows off the fact that Marinette has tons of presents prepared for Adrien in advance for different occasions. These were most likely prepared during the early stages of her infatuation, when she was admiring him from afar and fantasizing about him. Making presents "just in case" fits the fantasy model. At this point, she’s embarrassed over having done it.

In 'Startrain', Adrien immediately relaxes into sleep as well when Marinette falls asleep on his shoulder. This boy is touch-starved, guys, and Marinette's touch in particular calms and soothes him. Similarly, when Marinette wakes up in the middle of their nap, she settles right back to continue sleeping, no panic in sight.

'Stormy Weather 2' shows Adrien connecting Marinette's handwriting from the note on his homework with the valentine he got, and all of the misunderstandings together convince him he was mistaken. "She's just a friend who loves fashion," Adrien says with a downtrodden face, disappointed that Marinette couldn't care for him as more than "a friend who's also in fashion". He thinks of Marinette insisting that she'd never be into him, and of Marinette and Luka skating together, with obvious chemistry between them. And, in the end, when he says it's just someone with similar writing, he sounds wistful.

'Party Crasher' has Adrien insist Marinette is one of his guys, clearly missing her when he's hanging out with his school friends. In fact, when she does show up unexpectedly, he looks very pleased.

'Puppeteer 2' is an episode that sets up obstacles for Adrinette in addition to the misunderstandings listed in ‘Stormy Weather 2’. Marinette finds out Adrien is in love with someone else, and Adrien tries to share more parts of himself with Marinette, only for it to end very badly. Adrien has been getting braver about expressing himself to Marinette, but it's mostly been his opinions so far. In 'Puppeteer 2' Adrien tries to joke around with Marinette, only for Marinette to end up mortified and crying. This convinced Adrien that there's a part of him that Marinette won't be able to accept so he'll have to hold back with her.

Meanwhile, Marinette overcorrects because Manon, as kids are wont to do, keeps airing out all of her dirty laundry regarding Adrien, and so she convinces Adrien he's lucky she even kinda likes him. Adrien connects this with the fact that apparently his sense of humor is something that Marinette hates enough to cry over it.

The rest of season 3 stays on the course set by ‘Puppeteer 2’. Adrien still cares about Marinette immensely, even if he's convinced she doesn't like him nearly as much. He puts himself on the line to protect her from Lila in 'Ladybug', and neither he nor Kagami consider Marinette's presence on their outing third-wheeling in 'Heart Hunter'. Meanwhile, Marinette is pulling away, convinced Adrien and Kagami are the perfect match.

There you go, that's the Adrinette development, broken down step by step, during the first three seasons. As you can see, it's actually quite a lot, and some people might even notice more development tidbits.

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous tales of ladybug and chat noir #adrinette #lovesquare #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #ml meta #long post #popular

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thespiritoflife · 3 years ago

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200 followers CHRISTMAS celebration

[CLOSED NOW]

I got very beautiful CHRISTMAS present. 🎁 200 followers! I never dreamed of having 200 followers! It is so big number and I am happy to have 200 people following me! Thank you very much!! <3 Remember I love you all!

I decided to do a Christmas celebration. (i know not everyone celebrate Christmas, but why the heck shouldn't I have celebration at this very romantic period (and my favorite period!!) of the year - Christmas?) So if you want to, join! ❤💚

(i stole a little bit some ideas from some amazing people, so i am sorry!)

This celebration lasts until 24th December.

🎁moodboards - send me any idea of moodboard with Christmas theme! (for example, how would look Christmas Eve with Boromir? And etc..)

🎅fanfictions - i'll tell you my favorite fanfiction from your masterlist. (bonus - I would be very happy if you decided to tell me your favorite fanfiction from me, but no obligation)

🎄christmas letter - what's hanging on the tree? letters? yes, letters! Love letters from me to you.

🪴mistletoe letter - do you see it? Mistletoe! That means love! Request this and I'll write love letter from character your choice.

👼crushes - let's talk about our crushes! fictional, real,.. i would love to know who is your crush or something about them and I can tell you mine crush if you want to

🌟pairings - tell me something about yourself (fandom, male or female preference?,hobbies,...) and i'll pair you

⛄love compliments - let's be kind to each to other! i'll tell you why i followed you, what i love about you, your blog... (it would be nice if you decided to tell me this too! again, no obligation!)

🔔ringing bell - bell is ringing and i'll give you some songs from my playlist I think you would like and you can also give me some songs (Christmas songs or casual songs)

🕯️photos - send me any number from 1 to 200 and I'll post photo from my camera roll.

🔥letter to fire - throw letter to fire (i know agan letters), to fireplace. write anything, what bothers you,.. i'll try to help you,.. or anything else (cym, sfw questions,...)

That's all. Enjoy your Christmas!

Special thanks belongs to these amazing people.

@midearthwritings - thank you for being always here for me, thank you for everything, texting with you was so lovely, you're so caring and lovely person. Thank you for everything. I love you VERY MUCH. you deserve the whole world and more. i never want you to go away, you make me so happy. take care of yourself <3

@dr4cking - brad pitt? that's how I met this beautiful person. our love to brad pitt (and to others) associated us and I am so happy! i love you so much! i am always so happy when we're sending asks to each other and talking about our crushes! you're so good, so lovely,.. so beautiful! i never dreamed having you as friend, you're so talented and popular🥺💕

@wishingtobeinadifferentuniverse - i don't know if you'll see this, but i am just letting you know, that I still love you, Vick and I miss you. You are my first (i am not joking!) follower. Thank you for all. Ilysm <33

@errruvande - Vikings? TLK? Sex Education? And many more? This connected us! I always love talking to you, you're always so friendly.. thank you :) ilysm! you have so much positive vibes!

@theelfmaiden - MY FUNNY, HILARIOUS PERSON. You always make me smile (our texts too!!), I love your small craziness, I love you and you're so talented in art. you're my beautiful, funny friend!! ilysm!!

@ohdeargrace - you're always so kind to me, you're so caring, you've been always here for me. you have pure heart, and your art is so wonderful. Ilysm. thank you for everything!!

@idle-thyme - you're always, but ALWAYS, here for me. thank you, my lovelie. when i have problem, i need help, you'll always help me. thank you. i love you. you're beautiful person being, the world doesn't deserve you, you're too good for us.

@mellifluousart - oh gosh, Melli, you have golden heart. We don't interact so often as before and I am sorry, but when we interact, I am so happy, because you're so good friend, you're definition of perfection, I am so glad I have someone like you in my life, i am proud at you, you're so smart and talented. love you so much💕 you're loveable, lovely and great person, beautiful inside and out.

@tolkien-fantasy - you're so helpful, caring and always answering my asks. Thank you. I love your answers at them. Love your blog, love you.

@iwenttomordor - our texts were so enjoyable! i love talking to you, i love when you come into my askbox. you'll always help me. thank you for that. i love you <33

@justfangirlthingies - i hope you'll see this, i know we don't interact so often as before, but i still love you, you're beautiful human being, great friend, keep going in what you enjoy, i love your posts, i love you, i really enjoy your company🤗

AND MANY MORE. But then I would have to write so much comments till I would be here till end 2022 and start 2023, because you're all so lovely. Thank you. Love you all. 🥲🥲🥺

I am gonna tag some my moots cause I love you. (I am sorry if I forgot to tag someone)

@grunid , @flowerieta, @gremlinfaemess, @mellifluousart, @justfangirlthingies, @aduialel, @lady-latte, @midgardianweasley, @riddlesia, @guardianofrivendell, @laurfilijames, @biancablack2474, @peggysloml, @gossip-girl-of-middle-earth, @florachy, @cupids-crystals, @thewhiteladyofrohan, @holden-caulfield and MANY MORE.

Merry Christmas!

#thespiriroflife's 200 followers CHRISTMAS celebration #thespiritoflife's 200 followers celebration #200 followers celebration #followers celebration #christmas #new year #merry christmas!#let's be kind to each other #<33 #warmy things❤

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potteresque-ire · 4 years ago

Text

More ask answer about Word of Honour (山河令, WoH) and the so-called “Dangai 101 phenomenon” under the cut ~ with all the M/M relationships shown on screen, does it mean improved acceptance / safety for the c-queer community?

Due to its length (sorry!), I’ve divided the answer into 3 parts: 1) Background 2) Excerpts from the op-eds 3) Thoughts This post is PART 1 ❤️. As usual, please consider the opinions expressed as your local friendly fandomer sharing what they’ve learned, and should, in no ways, be viewed as necessarily true. :)

(TW: homophobic, hateful speech quoted)

After WoH had started airing, I had waited for one of China’s state-controlled media to publish opinion pieces about the show. Specifically, I’d like to know ~ what is the administration’s current take on Dangai (耽改), as a genre? How does it characterise the closeness of the same-sex leads—the closeness that is suppressed when the original IP, of the genre Danmei (耽美) was converted for visual media presentation?

This is important, as China is a country where the government’s attitude becomes the official public attitude. The state opinion pieces will be quoted and parroted, especially if they come from heavy-weight sources (state-controlled media also have their importance/influence hierarchy). Production of the upcoming Dangai dramas will adjust their scripts accordingly. Marketing tactics will also adjust, make sure it doesn’t spread “the wrong message”; Dangai and Danmei dramas have both been pulled off shelves during or immediately after its airing before (Addicted 上癮 and Guardian 鎮魂, respectively), despite having already passing the censorship board.

If a heavy-weight state opinion piece pans the one-lead-fawning-over-the-other scenes in WoH (there are a few of them), for example, scenes / lines of such suggestive nature will likely disappear from the upcoming Dangai dramas for at least a year or two. If the critique spills over to a harsh stance against the presence of queers in Chinese media, all future Dangai dramas can become strict “socialist-brotherhood” stories, their “no homo” message reinforced by, for example, by inserting a female lead (or changing one of the leads to female).

Whether the official public opinion equates the true public opinion or not, public behaviour in China is quickly driven by the official public opinion. Example: the Xi regime’s conservative stance on queer issues has already translated to a quick deterioration of queer tolerance in China; open expressions that were tolerated, even welcomed, just several years ago are now met with significant hostility in the public.

This is a reflection of the nature of their government. A quick thought experiment may explain this. Take … jaywalking. It’s probably fair to say we’ve all committed this “crime” before?

Will you still jaywalk if your government declares it immoral to do so? Where I am, in the United States, the answer is definitely a no. The public will probably laugh at (and make memes about) the poor official who made the declaration, kindly ask the government to do something useful for once (f*** off), and keep jaywalking.

Now, what if the declaration comes with a law that includes a one-year prison term + lifelong criminal record for jaywalking? Let’s say this law is fully executable and irreversible, given this being a thought experiment—nothing you, or the public, can say or do can contest it.

Will you still jaywalk, even if you disagree with government’s stance that the act is immoral? You’ve got a neighbour who continues to defy the law. Will you think twice before letting your young loved ones go out with them?

Very soon, jaywalking becomes “bad”—even though such “badness” had little moral basis at its origin. It is bad because the government has “characterised” it to be so—an authoritarian government that doesn’t allow challenge of the characterisation.

The retention of queer elements in Dangai is the jaywalking in the example. The Chinese government stepping in to characterise (定性) an event, a phenomenon etc is common, and the people know the drill well that they fall in line quickly.

If a powerful state-controlled media publish a negative opinion piece on the queer elements in Dangai / Danmei, therefore, those elements can disappear overnight.

My question had been: will the state do it? The Xi regime has made its distaste for LGBT+ representation in visual media abundantly clear with its NRTA directives. However, while the Chinese government typically puts ideology (意識型態) as its Guiding Principle, exceptions have always been made for one reason. One word.

Money.

TU is a legendary financial success story every production company (Tencent itself included) wants to replicate. As a result, there are ~ 60 Danmei IPs (book canon) with their copyright sold for Dangai dramas; this long line of Danmei dramas in the horizon has been nicknamed “Dangai 101”, after the name of the show “Produce 101” Dd was dance instructor in. These dramas are all competing to be the next TU by profit.

Adoration from fans is nice, but money is what matters.

C-ent is currently in a financial bleak winter. The anti-corruption, anti-tax-fraud campaign started by the Xi regime in 2018, which cumulated to a sudden (and unofficial) collection of 3 years of back-taxes from studios and stars, has drained a significant amount of its capital; the number of new TV dramas being filmed fell 45% between 2018 and 2019, and production companies have been closing by the tens of thousands. The tightening of censorship rules also means production is associated with more risk. The commercial sector outside c-ent is also eager for replications of TU’s success—they need more “top traffic” (頂流) idols like Gg and Dd whose fans are sufficiently devoted to drive the sales of their products. Such “fan economy” would benefit the government, even if it doesn’t have direct stakes in the companies in and outside c-ent. People’s Daily, the Official State Newspaper, previously published a positive opinion piece on fan economy in 2019, estimating its worth at 90 billion RMB (~13.7 billion USD) per year.

But if the state allows the queer elements in Dangai’s to pass the censorship board (NRTA) for profit, how can it do so with the current “No homo” directive in place? From previous experience (scarce as it may be), the queerness has to be sufficiently obvious for the shows to make the profit everyone is wishing for. Dangai dramas in which the leads’ romantic relationship remains subtle have not sold the way TU does, even if they are well-reviewed and feature famous, skilled actors (as Winter Begonia 鬓边不是海棠红 last year.)

NRTA, and the government behind it, can’t just say I’m turning a blind eye to the flirting and touching for the money. What can it say then?

Here’s what I’d thought—what it can say, or do, is to “characterise” these Dangai dramas in a way that leave out its queerness. It did so for TU. TU’s review by the overseas version of People’s Daily devoted a grand total of two characters to describe WWX and LWJ’s relationship—摯友 (“close friend”). The rest of the article was devoted to the drama’s aesthetics, its cultural roots. (The title of the article: 《陳情令》：書寫國風之美 Chen Qing Ling: Writing the Beauty of National Customs).

How could it do that? The State’s power ensuring few questioning voices aside, I’ve been also thinking about the history and definition of Danmei (耽美)—Dangai’s parent genre as the causes. Based on the history and definition, I can think of 3 ways the queer elements in Danmei (耽美) can be characterised by the state, 2 of which provide it with the wiggle room, the movable goalposts it needs should it choose to want to overlook the queerness in Dangai.

The 3 characterisations I’ve thought of, based on the history and definition of Danmei (耽美) are:

1) The queer characterisation, which focuses on its homoerotic element. * Summary of the characterization: Danmei is gay.

2) The “traditional BL” characterisation, which focuses on BL’s historic origin as a “by women, for women” genre. The M/M setup is viewed as an escapist protest against the patriarchy, a rejection of traditional gender roles; displays of M/M closeness are often “candies” for the female gaze. * Summary of the characterization: Danmei is women’s fantasy.

3) The aesthetic characterisation, which focuses on beauty—from the beauty of the characters, the beauty of a world without harm to the romance. * Summary for the characterization: Danmei is pretty.

The queer characterisation (1) is well-understood, and likely the default characterisation if it is to be made by the fraction of i-fandom I’m familiar with. Most i-fans I’ve met, myself included, would likely and automatically associate the M/M relationships in The Untamed (TU) and WoH with queerness.

The “traditional BL” characterisation (2), meanwhile, equates Danmei with BL as the genre of homoerotic works developed in 1970’s Japan for women comic readers, and has been widely interpreted from a feminist point of view.

Under such interpretation of “traditional BL” works, the double male lead setup wasn’t meant to be an accurate depiction of homosexuality. It wasn’t about homosexuality at all. Rather, it was about the removal of women and along with it, the rage, the eye-rolling, the unease women readers had often felt when attempting to interact with mainstream romance novels of the time, in which the female leads had mostly been confined to traditional women roles, and their virtue, their traditional feminine traits.

The M/M setup therefore acted as a “shell” for a het relationship that allowed removal of such social constraints placed on women. The lead with whom the woman audience identified was no longer bound to the traditional role of women, such as being the caregiver of the family. The lead could instead chase their dreams and roam the world, as many contemporary women already did or aspired to do; they were no longer limited to playing the passive party in life and in the relationship—and they enjoyed such freedom without risking the love, the respect the other male protagonist felt for them.

BL, in this traditional sense, has therefore been interpreted as an answer for, and a protest against the heteropatriarchal gender norm still dominant in societies deeply influenced by Confucianism, including Japan, Korea, Taiwan, Hong Kong, China. The M/M setup is, at heart, (het) women’s fantasy. The inclusion of two young-and-beautiful male leads also satisfy “the female gaze” ~ the popularity of BL among het women has therefore been compared to the popularity of lesbian porn among het men. In both cases, the audience is drawn not for the homosexual element but by the presence of double doses of sexual attraction.

(Please forgive me if any of my wording comes as disrespectful! I’m not used to talking about these topics.)

The availability of the “traditional BL” characterisation (2) is key to bypassing queerness as a topic in the discussions of Danmei (耽美).

The aesthetic characterisation (3) is very closely related to 2) in origin, but deserves its own point as a characterisation that can stand on its own, and may be more obscure to the English-speaking fandom given the common English translation of Danmei (耽美) as Boy’s Love.

Boy’s Love, as a name, amplifies the queer characterisation (1) and de-emphasises the aesthetic characterisation (3); Danmei (耽美), meanwhile, does the reverse.

Where does the name Danmei come from?

When BL was first developed in Japan, it used to have a now out-of-fashion genre name: Tanbi. Tanbi was borrowed from same name describing a late 19th century / early 20th century Japanese literary movement, known as Tanbi-ha and was inspired by Aestheticism in England. Aestheticism “centered around the doctrine that art exists for the sake of its beauty alone, and that it need serve no political, didactic, or other purpose”. Along the same line, the core belief of authors of Tanbi-ha was that art should celebrate beauty and reject the portrayal of ugliness in human nature, the darkness of reality:

…Tanbi writers argued that the ideas of naturalism writers such as “objectivism,” “truth is more important than beauty” and so on would “oppress human beings’ desire” so as to “lose beauty and human nature.” Accordingly, they insisted on “acute mental and emotional sensibility” [Ye, 2009].

(Source, with more details on Tanbi.)

Neither romance nor homosexuality were requirements for works in the original Tanbi-ha genre. BL borrowed the name Tanbi because its early authors saw their work created under the same principles: the emphasis on the beauty of their characters, their love (romantic and platonic), in a world that was also beautiful and untouched by ugliness such as sexism and homophobia.

The stubborn persistence on keeping one’s eyes trained on the beautiful, the willingness to turn a blind eye to reality for the sake of the beauty is built-in in the genre’s name. Tanbi meant more than beauty, aesthetics; its kanji form was written as 耽美; 耽 = to sink, drown in, to over-indulge in; 美 = beauty.

Tanbi, therefore, literally means to drown in, to over-indulge in beauty.

Over time, as the genre expanded its writing style, Tanbi eventually fell out of favour as BL’s genre name in Japan. However, as it gained popularity in the Sinosphere in the 1990s, starting with Taiwan and Hong Kong, the kanji of Tanbi was retained as the Chinese name of the genre.

In Mandarin Chinese, 耽美 is pronounced Danmei. A hyperfocus on the aesthetics, the utopian aspects of traditional BL is therefore retained in Danmei by its name. People’s Daily could therefore devote its review of TU on its aesthetics. Realism, including politics and all discussions of social issues, can therefore be swept aside in the name of respecting the genre’s tradition.

I’ve mostly been reading about and observing c-fandom, and I believe these 3 characterisations have all attracted its own kind of fans. Fans who care and talk about queer issues even when it isn’t encouraged by their sociopolitical environment, who shine a light upon these issues in their fan works. Fans who treat the M/M leads as if they were a traditional cishet couple, such as calling one of the leads 老婆 (wife) and assigning him biologically female functions when needed (via, for example, the ABO trope). Fans who insist the works must meet their beauty standards, rejecting those that fail (for example, if the leads are not good looking enough) by claiming they’re there for Danmei, not Danchou (耽醜, “over-indulgence on ugliness”). Fans who are drawn to the genre by a combination of these characterisations.

By the history and definition of the genre, all the above reasons for fanning Danmei are as valid, as legitimate as one another.

I thought about this related question then: are c-fans of the second (traditional BL characterisation) and third (aesthetic characterisation) groups homophobic? When I first asked this question, I—a fan whose fandom experience had been entirely in English-speaking communities—assume the answer was yes. I thought, in particular, the insistence of treating Danmei’s M/M couples as cishet couples in a homosexual shell had to be conscious queer erasure. How can anyone ignore the same-sexness of the leads? How can anyone talk about Danmei without associating it with homosexuality?

However, as I read more—again, specifically about c-fandom, and in Chinese—I realised the answer may be a little more complex.

Previously, I had largely thought about homophobia in terms of individual attitudes. This has to do with my current environment (liberal parts of the United States), in which the choice to accept or reject the queer community has become a close to personal choice. Pride flags fly all over the city, including the city hall, every summer, and most churches welcome the LGBT+ community. I hadn’t considered how an environment in which queers have never enjoyed full social exposure, in which education of related topics is sorely lacking, would affect Danmei’s development as a genre.

In such an environment, it is difficult for Danmei to evolve and incorporate up-to-date understanding of RL queerness.

The consequence I can see is this: Danmei is more likely to be “stuck” in its historical characterisation as (het) women’s fantasy inside than outside the Great Firewall, with its queerness de-emphasised if not erased—and it draws fans who are attracted to this kind of characterisation accordingly. This is, perhaps, reflected by the fact that the (het) women-to-queer ratio of Danmei / BL fans is significantly higher in China than in the West (Table 1 in this article summarises how Danmei / BL fans have split between different genders and sexual orientation in the Sinosphere vs the West in different research studies).

Another driving force I can see for Danmei to retain BL’s traditional feminist and aesthetic characterisations: women in China are not free from the social pressure that led to the birth of BL in 1970’s Japan. While many of them have achieved financial freedom through work and have high education, the young and educated have been subjected to immense pressure to get married and have children especially in the past decade.

In 2007, the China’s state feminist agency, the All-China Women’s Federation (中華全國婦女聯合會), coined the term 剩女 (literally, “leftover women”) for unmarried, urban women over 27 years old. The government started a campaign that, among other things, associated women’s education level with ugliness, and their unmarried status with pickiness, moral degeneracy. The reason behind the campaign: birth rates are plummeting and the state wants educated women, in particular, to nurture a high quality, next generation workforce. More importantly, the government sees a threat in the M/F sex imbalance (high M, low F) that has commonly been attributed to the country’s “one child policy” between 1979-2015, which encouraged female infanticide / abortion of female foetuses in a culture that favours surname-carrying boys. The state fears the unmarried men will become violent and/or gay, leading to “social instability and insecurity”. Therefore, it wants all women, in particular those who are educated, to enter the “wife pool” for these unmarried men. (Source 1, Source 2: Source 2 is a short, recommended read).

For Chinese women, therefore, patriarchy and sexism is far from over. Escapist fantasies where sexism is removed—by removing women from the picture—are therefore here to stay.

Danmei is therefore not queer literature (同志文學). The difference between Danmei and queer literature is highlighted by this reportedly popular saying (and its similar variations) in some Danmei communities:

異性戀只是傳宗接代，同性戀才是真愛 Heterosexuality is only for reproduction. Only homosexuality is true love.

The attitude towards heterosexuality is one of distaste, viewed as a means to an end the speaker has no interest in. On the contrary, homosexuality is idealised, reflecting the disregard / lack of understanding of some Danmei fans have towards the RL hardships of c-queers. The ignorance may be further propagated by gate-keeping by some Danmei fans for safety reasons, keeping queer discussions away from their communities for fear that their favourite hangouts would meet the same uncertain fate of other communities that previously held open queer discussions, such as the Weibo gay and lesbian supertopics. Such gatekeeping can, again, be easily enforced using tradition as argument: the beauty 美 is Tanbi and Danmei (耽美), remember, includes the beauty of utopia, where ugly truths such as discrimination do not enter the picture. A Danmei that explores, for example, the difficulty of coming out of the closet is no longer Danmei, by its historical, aesthetic definition.

[I’ve therefore read about c-queers viewing Danmei with suspicion, if not downright hostility; they believe the genre, by ignoring their RL challenges and casting them as beautiful, even perfect individuals, and in some cases, by fetishising them and their relationships, only leads to more misconceptions about the queer community. Dangai, meanwhile, has been viewed with even more distaste as potential weapons by the state to keep gays in the closet; if the government can shove the Danmei characters into the “socialist brotherhood” closet, it can shove them as well.

I haven’t yet, however, been able to tease out the approximate fraction of c-queers whose views of Danmei and Dangai is negative. The opposing, positive view of the genres is this: they still provide LGBT+ visibility, which is better than none and it would’ve been close to none without Danmei and Dangai; while Danmei may skim over the hardships of being queer, fan works of Danmei are free to explore them—and they have.

This article provides insights on this issue. @peekbackstage’s conversation with a Chinese film/TV director in Clubhouse is also well worth a read.]

That said, Danmei can only be dissociated from the queer characterisation if there’s a way to talk about the genre without evoking words and phrases that suggest homosexuality—something that is difficult to do with English. Is there?

In Chinese, I’d venture to say … almost. There’s almost a way. Close enough to pass.

The fact that M/M in traditional BL has been developed and viewed not as queer but as a removal of F also means this: queerness isn’t “built-in” into the language of Danmei. The name Danmei itself already bypasses a major “queer checkpoint”: it’s impossible to refer to a genre called Boy’s Love and not think about homosexuality.

Here’s one more important example of such bypass. Please let me, as an excuse to put these beautiful smiles in my blog, show this classic moment from TU; this can be any gif in which the leads are performing such suggestive romantic gestures:

How can I describe this succinctly? In English?

Two men acting in love? Er. That’s… the definition of gay, almost.

Two men acting gay? Well. GAY.

Right. Fine. Let’s go negative. Queerbaiting? … Still gay, because the word “queer” is in there.

[Pie note: for the record, I don’t think TU or WoH is queer-baiting.]

Personally, I find it impossible to describe the GIF above in English that I do not automatically associate with RL romantic love between two men, with homosexuality. But can I do it in Chinese?

… Yes.

There’s a term, 賣腐 (pronounced “maifu”), literally, “selling 賣 the rot 腐”, derived from the term known among i-fans as fujoshi and written, in kanji, as 腐女. Fujoshi, or 腐 (“rot”) 女 (“women”), describes the largely (het) female audience of the Japanese BL genre (>80%, according to Wikipedia). Originated as a misogynistic insult towards female Japanese BL fans in the 2000s, fujoshi was later reclaimed by the same female BL fans who now use the self-depreciative term as acknowledgement of their interest being “rotten”, for BL’s disregard of the society’s traditional expectations on women.

賣腐 is therefore to “sell the rot” to the rotten women; ie. the suggestive romantic gestures, exemplified by the GIF above, between the M/M leads are catering, performing fan service to their target audience.

[賣腐 is also a term one will see in the state opinion pieces.]

There’s nothing gay about this term.

I’ve therefore found it possible to talk and think in Chinese about Danmei while giving little thought to queerness. The history and definition of Danmei allow that.

Again, I’m not saying any of this to excuse homophobia among in Danmei and Dangai fandoms. The point I’m trying to make is this — given that Danmei has three potential characterisations, two of which can be discussed without abundantly evoking queer concepts and vocabularies, given that history of Danmei, as a genre, already favoured characterisation 2 (traditional BL), the government addressing homosexuality in its opinions on Danmei and Dangai is far from a given.

By extension, the popularity of Dangai may mean a lot or little to c-queers; by extension, the state can approve / disapprove of Danmei and Dangai in a manner independent of its stance on homosexuality, which is itself inconsistent and at times, logic-deying (example to come…).

This is both good and bad, from the perspective of both the government and the c-queer community.

For the government: as discussed, the “triality” of Danmei allows the state to “move the goalpost” depending on what it tries to achieve. It has characterisations 2 (the traditional BL characterisation) and 3 (the aesthetic characterisation) as excuses to let Dangai dramas pass the censorship board should it want their profit and also, their promise of expanding the country’s soft power overseas by drawing an international audience. These characterisations also allow the state to throw cold water on the popularity of Danmei / Dangai should it desire, for reasons other than its queer suggestions—despite the Xi regime’s push against open expressions of queerness (including by activism, in media), it has also been careful about not demonising c-queers in words, and has countered other people’s attempts to do so.

Why may the government want to throw cold water on Danmei and Dangai? They are still subculture, which the state has also viewed with suspicion. In 2018, a NRTA directive explicitly requested that “c-ent programmes should not use entertainers with tattoos; (those associated with) hip-hop culture, sub-cultures (non-mainstream cultures), decadent cultures.” (”另外，总局明确要求节目中纹身艺人、嘻哈文化、亚文化（非主流文化）、��文化（颓废文化）不用。”).

Subculture isn’t “core socialist values”. More importantly, it’s difficult to keep up with and control subculture. 環球網, the website co-owned by People’s Daily and Global Times (環球時報), ie, The State Newspaper and The State Tabloid, famously said this on its Weibo, on 2020/03/04, re: 227:

老了，没看懂为什么战。晚安。 Getting old. Can’t figure out what the war is about. Good night.

The State also cannot stop subculture from happening. It doesn’t have the resources to quell every single thing that become popular among its population of 1.4 billion. What it can do to make sure these subcultures stay subcultures, kept out of sight and mind of the general public.

Characterisation 1 (the queer characterisation), meanwhile, remains available to the state should it wish to drop the axe on Dangai for its queer elements. I’m including, as “queer elements”, presentation of men as too “feminine” for the state—which has remained a sore point for the government. This axe have a reason to drop in the upcoming months: July 23rd, 2021 will be the 100th birthday of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), and the state may desire to have only uniformed forces and muscled, gun-toting “masculine” men gracing the screens.

What about for c-queers and their supporters (including group I fans)? What good and bad can the multiple characterisations of the genres do for them?

For c-queers and their supporters (including group I fans), their acceptance and safety are helped by the Dangai genre, by the Dangai 101 phenomenon, if and only if the state both characterises the queer elements in these dramas as queer (characterisation 1) AND their opinions of them are positive.

Personally, I had viewed this to be unlikely from the start, because a queer characterisation would mean the censorship board has failed to do its job, which is embarrassing for the Chinese government.

Characterisations 2) and 3) are not bad for c-queers and their supporters, however, and definitely not “enemies” of Characterisation 1); they can not only serve as covers for the queer elements in Dangai to reach their audience, but also, they can act as protective padding for the LGBT+ community if the content or (very aggressive) marketing of the Dangai dramas displease the government — with the understanding, again, that the “traditional BL” arm of the Danmei community is itself also highly vulnerable by being a subculture, and so its padding effect is limited and it also deserves protection.

The downside to achieving LGBT+ visibility through Dangai is, of course and as mentioned, that these dramas are, ultimately, deeply unrealistic depictions of the c-queers. The promotion of these dramas, which has focused on physical interactions between the male leads for “candies”, can encourage even more fetishising of queers and queer relationships. The associated (character) CP culture that makes and breaks CPs based on the dramas’ airing cycle may also fuel negative perception of queer relationships as attention-seeking behaviour, something that can be initiated and terminated at will and for the right price.

Finally, with all this said, which characterisation(s) have the government taken re: Dangai and/or WOH? And what opinions has it given to its characterisations?

PART 1 <-- YOU ARE HERE PART 2 PART 3

#pie metas #yizhan #bjyx

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