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ehlnofay · 3 months ago

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Summerfest Day 3 - HUNGRY

It’s almost embarrassing, really, how utterly Arabella fails to realise what she’s going to do until she’s already halfway to doing it. (It certainly wouldn’t be the first time; she is less aware of herself, a lot of the time, than she would prefer to believe. Just think of how desperately she clung to the deep forest roads of Valenwood until her metaphorical fingers were dislocated with the force it took to rip her away; just think of the College, and how spectacularly that all went. Just think about nearly dying, her body almost left to deform with foreign rot into a foreign tomb’s dead dirt.)

It is after she and the two other Nightingales – still, the title wears strange in her head, as pretty as it is pompous – have dragged themselves, gagging and spitting, half-frozen, from the waterlogged cave, what little is left of their luggage soaked nearly through and their clothes almost iced; after they have set up some ratty little camp across the lake with what’s left, been spelled blisteringly dry, a hasty campfire lit with all the set-jawed, dogged ferocity of the sun. The sky is shaded dark, moons cut down to slivers. They’d sorted through what remained of their belongings, the spoils of their fight in the cave handled precious as blown glass; found an unreadable map and set of ruined playing cards, among other things, though Brynjolf’s prized ivory dice seem by some miracle to have made it unscathed; found little in the way of eatables besides a jar of dribbling-thin honey, cracked, seeping over everything else in the canvas pack, and a bag of soggy nuts. There isn’t so much as a wedge of cheese or some wet salted meat. Brynjolf and Karliah divvied the nuts up and ate them. Arabella lit the fire, then crouched down on her haunches in the snow and hissed breath through her teeth until she stopped seeing stars. Something a little too watery-thin to be blood started leaking from somewhere on her left hand; the creases that run through her palm and bisect the bends of her fingers have worn thin enough to glow. That used to only happen over the fascia of her palm. Probably a bad sign. But they got the bastard – and at the time, that was all that mattered. Arabella has never been very good at planning ahead.

Brynjolf has gone off in search of something more substantial to eat, though they all knew he’d be the worst pick for it – a city man through and through, that one. Arabella is of the Valenwood, so she’s as comfortable with hunting as she is with barter, and Karliah has spent the better part of the last decade in the wilderness on her own, but Arabella was preoccupied with swearing under her breath as the fire crackled itself properly to life and Karliah is searching through the damp dregs of their supplies for anything approaching medicine. She’s having precious little luck, even after Brynjolf’s tramped inauspiciously off into the snow; not much is left, and what is there is all of the sort she used after Arabella was stabbed in the belly of the tomb. The salve that stinks, grassy and green; the flaxen sutures she’d cut out of her own neck one by one. She expresses more consternation over this than Arabella does; Arabella just nudges the broken jar with the back of a knuckle (even that bloody stings) and tells her to just make a honey dressing. It’s the best thing they’re going to scrounge up.

She asks, after a moment’s silence, to see the Key; woodsmoke curls luxurious from the campfire (dead sticks, wet in the snow, doesn’t count when it’s unavoidable); Karliah puts it, gentle, into her hands. It’s cold against the blurry brilliance of her burns. Lavishly painful. Arabella bites down on her tongue until the rich copper-tang of blood – bright and meaty as bone marrow, and fuck, she’s hungry – distracts her. She looks at the Skeleton Key, hard-earned, personally meaningless but said to hold such great power, and she thinks, what now?

And then she thinks, oh.

(Arabella has never been very good at planning ahead, but she always has ideas running for what comes next – and next – and next. She didn’t mean to stay in the Guild as long as she did – but she’d been embroiled in a conspiracy, which caught her interest, and then she’d been cut open and left for decaying dead in an empty Nord tomb, which gave her something of a personal stake in this fight. And she’d been caught up in it; distracted by the present; because she so rarely plans ahead, and because she is less aware of herself, a lot of the time, than she would like to believe. But now the mystery is unravelled and her debt is paid, and there is nothing left to keep her here. Nothing substantial.)

(And if the Key is all it’s said to be –)

(Unlocks doors – throws open the blinds – looses the restraints and makes every possibility tangible, in the literal and unliteral sense – if it can do away with the limitations of a person, make them anything they want to be – good enough to do anything –)

(Well, then, she already knows what she’s going to do, doesn’t she. She has known since the beginning.)

A pit like a peach’s settles in her stomach as she turns the midnight-cold metal in her hands. She tells herself it’s anticipation, because she doesn’t know why it would be anything else

Karliah is tipping everything back into their overstuffed pack with sodden irritation. Arabella remarks, “It doesn’t look so special.”

“Powerful things rarely do,” Karliah says, sounding vaguely, smugly satisfied, and Arabella thinks, again, untapped abilities - thinks not just physical barriers – thinks limitless.

Arabella twists it again in her hands, frostbite-sharp against the worn, inflamed skin of them; there is still blood gushing into her mouth. She is still hungry. Lightly, she says, “It’s a shame we have to take it back.”

Karliah’s reaction to that is more understated than the feared it might be; she just exhales, mist-bright in the cold, and heaves their wreck of a pack nearer to the campfire. “You have no idea,” she replies – her tone surprisingly wry – and she holds the broken honey jar to the light. “It would be – incredibly useful for the Guild, for a little while. But the Mistress of Shadows has barely forgiven our last failure – she’d never let the Guild forget if we broke our oath again.”

Arabella twists the key again; watches stars spark and fizzle in its bow. “What we?” she asks, glib. “I wasn’t even here.” It shines, so very darkly, like the whole expanse of a sky; like an aurora, or an absence of it. It feels colder than metal usually does, smoother, too perfect to be the fruit of any forge or put to shape by any key-cutter. It winks with reflected firelight. “And what oath, I ask? I’ve still never had my end of the bargain.”

An exhale, short and sharp and almost-laughing. “Not until it’s returned.” With a faint noise of triumph, Karliah produces a bent metal spoon.

“She’s sharped me,” Arabella says with mock indignation; she licks her bloody tongue over the points of her teeth. Bluish light flickers over the key’s end, flashes bright in the crooks of its teeth. “Why, at this point – my due so recanted – I’d say our bargain doesn’t even count.”

The fire flickers, spitting charred wood embers; Karliah snorts. “You sold your soul,” she tells her, flat-voiced, sets the jar down, leaking, in the snow. She licks the honey off her fingers and pulls a face at its sweetness, looks, firelit, over her shoulder. “Mercer tried to outsmart Nocturnal, and you saw how it went for him. You can’t nitpick your way out of a contract – hell, even if we wanted to, even if we succeeded, she would exact the price and all accrued interest from it when we were dead, all the same.”

The Key glints. There is blood like mutton marrow in her throat. Arabella thinks limitless and Arabella thinks potential and Arabella is so desperately, ravenously fucking hungry.

She hums and says, slippery as her own oil-slick blood in the cave’s freezing water, “I’m not dead yet.”

(She didn’t think about what she would do next, because she never thinks about what comes next, because that would ruin it all; but she is always thinking about what came before, no matter how much she turns her head away. She can’t look away from it completely, the past pressed into the curls and creases of her palms, marked behind the lopsided rows of her teeth, braided into her hair. She hasn’t gone home in going on ten years and home is the bloody mess and meat of her heart; she craves it like sunlight, like air, like space to run. She misses it like a limb. She’s never full. She stayed as long as she could, and then longer still; stayed well past the point where it became glaringly inadvisable, because as Mercer learned tonight she is stubborn and she is vengeful and she is a child of the Valenwood who pays her fucking debts, but she conceded, in the end. Left, still owed and owing. And she’s never been able to escape it.)

(She didn’t want to leave, but she had to; she’d torn her gums to shreds and no matter how desperately she tried, how she remade herself and remade herself again, it all ended at the bounds of her own skin. She tried to make herself brave but skittish cowardice still pooled in the soles of her feet and valour lay just out of reach. She couldn’t contort herself enough to be a saviour. She was feral-fierce and runagate and all she could ever manage to do was watch it all as it burned, but if the Key works like they said – if she can turn it on herself, crowbar open the doors and tear out of her skin singing – make herself an ocean instead of a dish, spin herself any story she wants, be what she couldn’t when she realised she couldn’t stay – then there’s no choice, is there?)

(She has never wanted anything else. If it’s even on the table, then nothing she has now matters.)

She’s not quite glib enough, perhaps, because Karliah turns, her face sharply shaded under the edge of her ever-present hood, and she says with half a smile, “You’re not serious,” and Arabella doesn’t say anything at all.

The Key shines with all the glowing dark of nighttide; Karliah’s smile drops from her lips, languid as dripping syrup. “Arabella,” she says, quiet, breath misting in the frozen dark, “what are you doing?”

“Nothing.” The fire crackles. Something clearer than blood is beginning to dribble down the inside of Arabella’s wrist, into her sleeve. Her teeth click, arrowhead sharp. “I’m not doing anything at all.”

Karliah’s face goes cautious-blank as a clay mask in a theatre.

Then – and this is unexpected – she lunges, low, like a pouncing cat, and Arabella takes a hasty and instinctive step back, closes her hands around the cold line of the Key even as Karliah grasps for it, tearing with narrow fingers –

The snow is shocking cold against Arabella’s back; she snaps her teeth with little effect, Karliah prises her hands open, and then fucking ow ow ow it’s burning – rips the Key out of her grip, and, it feels like, half her blistered skin with it. In the very edge of her peripherals, Brynjolf reappears from the little thicket. Karliah reels back as if Arabella might try to follow; Arabella stays in the snow, unsticks her jaw and lets out a high, sodden whine. (Wearing pain so openly is not her instinct. But this way, Brynjolf sees it. And it really does hurt.)

Brynjolf comes running, asks what on earth is happening – “She scratched my hands,” Arabella snarls, on the heels of a sharp, fluting curse, and shoves herself up, clasping them, red and weeping, to her chest. “Of all the thankless – I lit them on your hearth –”

Karliah’s clay-flat face falters, for a moment, but all she says is, “I don’t want her holding the Key.”

“Well, congratulations!” Arabella snips. “I’m not! Will someone please give me the honey? I’m bleeding again.” She is; though it’s perhaps closer to pus, skin raked up and inflamed in neat nail-lines. It’s an interesting contrast to the blooming curls and swirls of the base scars. Hurts like nothing else. She’s still keening, breath ragged; Karliah tucks the Key silently into a pocket inside her jacket, and Arabella marks its placement through squinting-shut eyes.

“I left for fifteen minutes,” Brynjolf says, one brow raised and hair still damp; “how did you have time to fight? I couldn’t find anything for you,” he adds, with something like sympathy. “Sorry.”

Fire crackles, bright on the snow. Arabella says tightly, “It’s fine. And we’re masterfully gifted at squabbling, I suppose – I certainly am. Help me with my hands.”

Brynjolf lathers them, ineptly, in honey mixed with river-water, an inelegant sort of poultice, and does a much better job of binding them with the cut-up ends of a woven wool tunic. Green-dyed; but she can only afford to be so picky. And she won’t have to keep making concessions, soon enough. He’s happy enough to start talking, changing the subject, and Arabella is very good at pretending things never happened (she does it all the time) (she’s beginning to do it now) so Karliah is the only one who stays reticent and watchful. Arabella catches her imparting, in low tones, that she’d been acting strange, but Brynjolf doesn’t put too much stock in it and Arabella spends the rest of the night being very, very careful not to give the assertion credence. Brynjolf has brought back a heaping pocketful of berries that Karliah says are safe to eat and nothing else; Arabella licks what’s left of the honey jar clean. It tastes wet and swampy. They all turn in early, then, snow kicked onto the fire to smother it into something more safely self-contained. Karliah doesn’t stop looking at her. Arabella doesn’t meet her eyes.

By morning, it will have burnt down completely, and Arabella will be gone. There’s no other way it could go. This is a singular chance; and she would burn all the flesh clear off her carpal bones before she can let it slip through her fingers.

#my darling girl. my beautiful girl. who mixes up her own problems into unidentifiable slop and then crawls inside to choke on them #so often when writing arabella I find myself having to write her Profound Realisations that just. aren't fucking true #or that are more deeply true than anything else she's ever thought but that she misinterpets egregiously #I love her. a nightmare to write #I could go on about this one but I'm fucking exhausted and need to gotobed Now #thank you ! goodnight !#tesfest24 #the elder scrolls #tesblr #skyrim #tes #oc tag #arabella #fay writes #my writing #microfic

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tea-cat-arts · 15 days ago

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I'm willing to at least hear out most of the "xyz plot point is heavily tied to abc cultural context" brands of posts but the "wwx isn't meant to be read as morally gray" and "the western fandom made up Sizhui being wangxian's son" brands of post make me feel like my cultural ignorance is being used to gaslight me

#mdzs #vent post #the filial piety stuff in relation to jgy is incredibly interesting and has influenced my opinion on him #being told about the whole mo dao vs gui dao thing was very helpful since that is completely lost in the english translation #whether or not wwx's self sacrificing tendencies are supposed to be a good thing is a conversation i find interesting #even though i haven't come to my own conclusion on it yet #but wwx not being morally gray??? bro was a major player in a war- no ones coming out of that spotless #i also just straight up don't trust y'all about what mxtx said on him being morally ideal #y'all take her words out of context or just straight up lie about what she said so often that #I can't take anything y'all “repeat” from her at face value. i need links to the sources before I'll believe anything #on Sizhui being wangxian's son:#thats so embedded in the text the only way I'd believe it wasn't the intended reading is if 7 seas straight up rewrote section of the books #because its more than just a few throw away lines and wwx calling him his little one #its sizhui being formally adopted into the lans (proven by the cloud pattern headband)#its the extra where they take him on a nighthunt/investigation without any of the other disciples #its the paying extra attention to his hw while doing the grading #its in the miscellaneous anecdotes Sizhui remembers from wwx even after he lost his memories from early childhood #its the baby stories and sizhui chewing on wwx's flute #its Sizhui's unconditional faith in the two of them #its in Sizhui's choosing the same instrument as lwj #that is their kid!!! not through modern western adoption but thats still their kid!!!#sizhui developing a close relationship with his uncle doesn't change that #Wen Ning is the cool untaking the lan babies on field trips. wangxian are the ones actually raising him #also mxtx has been pretty open about being influenced by things other than chinese classics #so using “well traditional Chinese story telling uses this convention” will never be automatically be the correct™️ take on her work #not to say her stories are completely devoid of traditional structures its just she mixes in other styles too

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metabolizemotions · 3 months ago

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Maybe Station 19 was like an experimental cubist painting.

There were too many stories to be told and too many people trying to tell them, from too many perspectives, with too many styles…

Each viewer saw a different picture.

It was the show that tried to capture the zeitgeist and represent the under-represented. Also the show that often struggled. With the tones and textures. With representing w/o tokenizing. B/w laughing with and laughing at. B/w realism and romanticizing. B/w deliberate and arbitrary. B/w educating and entertaining. B/w what they consider profane and sacrosanct.

At times, it touched our hearts deeply. At times, it frustrated us to no end.

Not every story was given the respect, sensitivity and intricacy it was due.

One moment could lead to a profound understanding of an aspect of a lived life some of us had never known; while the next could be a moment that was beyond confounding - about an aspect of ourselves that made us feel slighted, diminished and even erased.

It had often been an exercise in empathy to find our common humanity at the intersectionality of stories. Yet, the scale of empathy often skewed too far in favor of some characters with the differing standards, narrative frames and plot armors. Ironically yet reasonably turning people off these very characters they wanted people to root for. A persistent dissonance and disconnect.

But it was also the show that didn’t shy away from the ugly, the raw, the uncomfortable and messy parts of our shared human experience. The tribulations of oppression. The perils of ambition. The tests of morality. The trials of friendship and love. That we would make mistakes, but we could also make amends. That we're not defined by our worst. That our best lives could still be in front of us despite the current struggles. That sometimes life sucks but having your people with you makes it more bearable.

I would think it an interesting journey for the diversity of people behind, on, and in front of the screen. The evolving stories, evolving characters, evolving storytellers, an evolving fandom - all amidst an evolving media landscape.

It was probably not an easy show to make. The show had a bewilderingly lack of support from abc or shondaland. Diversity seemed to be both good for promotion (when there was any) and the reason for the prejudice against it.

Just as it had not been an easy show to watch - so biased, inconsistent and self-contradictory. Like when they kept telling us about the family spirit and deep friendships yet somehow spent more time showing otherwise. Or when the writing of systemic sexism was somehow inherently sexist.

Personally, I don’t think characters belong to the writers alone. Besides the usual constraints, the characters were often adjusted back and forth to fit the plots. We’ve also learnt how network execs' dislikes, writers’ personal experiences were factored into the stories. I fully respect the writers’ artistic rights. But actors who embodied the characters for years have a unique understanding too. Viewers also have their personal takes about what were true to characters. It's ok to agree to disagree.

There had been sparks of brilliance, but often extinguished too soon. It has been confounding how the greys-verse did not capitalise on its vast potential, esp. S19. Even while both shows share a show-runner. Grey's anatomy could have lent its scale while Station 19 could have injected renewed energy back into its mothership. Both shows could have been better for it.

Although the characters have the foundation of distinct and interesting backstories, their development often did not fully utilise the narrative potential and the talents of the cast. I’m sure the crew was also competent and hardworking. But somehow some elements b/w n within the shows seemed to just cancel each other out instead of amplifying their impact. IMO 704 and 709 were a few exceptions.

But I'll always be glad S19 existed and we got a S7. I believe they had tried their best to wrap up and give closure to everyone invested in the show. I truly appreciated the hard work given the circumstances even when I personally didn't agree with some takes.

In the end, I really do want to remember it as the show with heart, the show that made us laugh and cry and the show that tried. The show that's unique - in both its merits and flaws. I’ll definitely miss the characters. One last time - 19!

#rehashg some things seemed pointless #had this in my drafts for a while. lost momentum to go thru w it #catchg up on firenerds interviews #tags edited:#post sent accidentally b4 completion. deleted many of the original tags cos didn’t want to end this angry #but I think pp did made disingenuous bad faith arguments esp the disparity being imagined n was condescending #intention v execution v reactions often don’t align but I still think the framing and nuances matter #the fetishised yet censored transition being approved was worst than dg being unapologetically proud of realising his 13yo-self’s fantasy #then to hear pp say the cut w|w kisses obstructed the flow n were not integral to the scenes was worst when applied to this one #esp in contrast with the others’ in the montage and in the context of the episode #but anyway it is what it is even if I wished…#we had tonal appropriate buildups n payoffs of their own stories that didn’t decentralise them or just have wordless montages #n chs n relationships to have been more developed and consistent n not have so many gaps to leave imagination n nostalgia #the writing of some ch really didn’t speak to me or make me want to root for them but personally I would have wished to see that with vic n #n for them to interact more with maya n carina. they don’t have conflict of interest n I feel the queers would have been closer #travis n maya could have commiserate about their dads n their trauma. for maya career was triggering. travis it was his relationships.#maybe the interesting thing about the show is how your fav aspects might be s.o. else’s most hated. vice versa #this is such a conflicting show for me. one that I’m very invested in n would always have mixed feelings about.#I’ve missed the show n would continue to miss it. but really not those parts brought up again in the interview.#station 19 comments #station 19

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the-eclectic-wonderer · 4 months ago

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I always think about how in multiple episodes it's basically canon that Blanche is bi but considers dating women to be more hassle (which is a whole rabbit hole to go down - does she struggle with societal homophobia when she's with women? Has she only been with fellow high maintenance femmes when shes really after a Dorothy type? Has she internalized the idea that her attraction to women isn't 'real'? Her reaction to Clayton adds to these questions). Not to mention how this goes together with her relationships with the girls; making to kiss Rose that one time (and Rose multiple times seeming very aware of Blanche's proclivities), begging Dorothy for 'relief' and being convinced she's attracted to women too.

Yes, anon! It’s really interesting to delve into Blanche’s psyche about all this stuff!

I started writing down my thoughts and ended up with a long ramble -- allow me to place it all under a cut, so I don't clog up anyone's dash, haha.

Personally, I think she has some strong mental blocks when it comes to her sexuality because of the way she was brought up. I mean, she grew up in Atlanta approx in the 1930s/1940s — I’m sure I don’t have to detail the kind of casual bigotry she must have seen around her during her formative years! Just look at the story she recounts in S1E13 A Little Romance:

“Now, you have to understand that in those days in the South a lot of things were still taboo. Certain people were not to mix. So Benjamin and I had to meet in secret. Oh, we knew if any of the bigots in town found out about us, there’d be a terrible scandal.”

And all of this because Benjamin was a yankee… can you imagine what ‘the bigots in town’ thought about homosexuality? Yeah, I’m pretty sure Blanche learned to suppress that part of herself very early on. We know she turns to denial when she’s faced with uncomfortable truths and emotions she can’t deal with, so I think she likely just refuses to acknowledge that part of herself most of the time, and it only comes out (pun intended!) when she’s not paying much attention to things, or when there’s something more important going on. See the two examples you point out: when she tries to kiss Rose she’s concerned with not being kissed at midnight, and when she propositions Dorothy she’s, well… she’s desperate to get some, if we can be frank.

When she’s in a more rational state, her reactions tend to be more measured… but not by much. She does advise Rose not to date women (S3E10 The Audit):

“Oh, no, honey, don’t do that! No job is worth having to date women!”

But she’s also really flattered at receiving lots and lots of phone calls from women, after her appearance as a ‘lesbian’ on TV (S7E15 Goodbye, Mr Gordon):

“By the way, Dorothy, if I were a lesbian, I sure would be a popular one. Look at this, 20 calls.”

And of course we can’t forget her reaction to finding out that Jean has a crush on Rose in S2E5 Isn’t It Romantic?:

“Jean has the hots for Rose? I don’t believe it, I do not believe it! […] To think Jean would prefer Rose over me? That’s ridiculous! […] Now you tell me the truth: if you had to pick between Rose and me, who would you pick? Who?”

All of these are (likely) intended to be jokes about her vanity and her libertine nature (in the same way as Rose’s observations are), but considering a lot of the writers of this show were queer themselves, it wouldn’t seem strange to me if they were intentionally peppered in to suggest that Blanche might be a bisexual in denial. It certainly fits her character!

I haven’t spoken about her reaction to Clayton’s coming out yet, but that’s immensely interesting too, of course. I think Blanche has the same attitude towards homosexuality that I see in a lot of (mostly older) people in my Country nowadays: it’s fine as a general concept, but when it comes to her family (or, God forbid, herself) then the problems come out. See for example what she says about Jean:

“Well, I’ll never understand what Jean doesn’t see in the opposite sex, but if that makes her happy, that’s fine by me!”

Which isn’t a homophobic attitude at all! If anything, if you take her upbringing into account, it’s pretty accepting. But then, when Clayton comes out to her (S4E9 Scared Straight) and tells her he wants to get married (S6E14 Sister Of The Bride), this is what she says:

“Oh, Clayton, please be serious. You're just saying that so I won't set you up with any more women. […] Well, then you're saying it 'cause you're trying to get back at me for something. Clay, I know you too well for this. After all, I know it can't be true. You're my brother. […] Clayton Hollingsworth. You look me in the face and tell me you really are… what you just said you are.”

“I'm having a little trouble putting this all together. Clayton, I just feel like I don't know you anymore.”

“[…] Dorothy, that's different. We're talking about going out in public. Oh, what are people gonna say?”

“Will you tell me why you want to put yourself and Doug through this? You know how people can be.”

“Oh, look, I can accept the fact that he's gay, but why does he have to slip a ring on this guy's finger so the whole world will know?”

Quite the difference from her attitude towards Jean, wouldn’t you say? I think there’s three elements at play here.

1) When Clayton comes out to Blanche, she feels disoriented because this is life-changing information Clayton has never shared with her before. While her reaction as a whole isn’t ideal, personally I think it’s understandable. Clayton is her baby brother; she’s known him as straight all his life, he’s been married to a woman for years before his divorce, and she recounts an episode from their adolescence when he was on a date with a woman and very clearly implicated having a physical encounter with her. He's done everything in his power to pass as straight until this point in time -- I don't find it strange that Blanche would be shocked at his coming out, especially given her upbringing (and the fact that this is set in the 80s! We can't expect modern sensibilities from the characters!). Once again, her reaction isn't the best (she can't even bring herself to say the word 'gay' at first...), but the shock per se isn't that surprising, imho.

2) Blanche is scared because of societal implications above all. She doesn't necessarily see being queer as something wrong, but she's been taught it's not socially acceptable and acts accordingly. Notice how she's worried about what people are going to say, and she struggles to accept that Clayton wants the whole world to know about his relationship with Doug.

Societal expectations in general are a big theme for Blanche's character, and often drive her development; another big example of this is her attitude towards Rebecca's decision to get artificially inseminated, but it's a bit of a baseline issue for her, I feel. She has this whole thing about her beauty and her (supposed) youth and her attractiveness that has some inherent elements, but it's mostly an issue of how other people perceive her, I think, and her response to her brother's coming out is easy to relate to this theme. I mean, she even says it to Rose in S7E15:

"Well, I don't mind being labeled a lesbian, honey, but since I'm not, you just ruined my social life."

So yeah. I think it's safe to say her main concern is societal disapproval of queerness: she wants to be accepted and celebrated by the people around her, and she thinks that being openly queer will destroy her place in her social circle (and she's worried about the same happening to Clayton too, of course).

3) This is sort of related to point 2, but it felt distinct enough to treat it separately. I think she might have reacted so badly to Clayton's coming out (and especially to his showing up with a partner) because he's open about his sexuality, and she's not ready to face what that means for her. My lovely mutual @\hecatesbroom recently published her latest amazing work the odd one(s) out, on the relationship between Dorothy and her brother Phil and how Phil's open queerness might have impacted Dorothy; I think a similar situation might have occurred between Blanche and Clayton after his coming out.

Blanche has a sort of advantage on Dorothy because of her bisexuality, in the sense that she has 'passing privilege' (I really dislike this concept, but allow me to use it to make a point): it's painfully clear that she loved her late husband with all her heart, and she's obviously attracted to men as well, so she can pretend not to like women without too much of a hassle (whereas, if you believe Dorothy to be a repressed lesbian, her situation is much more complicated).

The issue with this is that this 'advantage' is a double-edged sword: she might have the comfort of being socially acceptable, but she's had to suffocate a big part of herself to obtain that comfort. And so, what happens when Clayton -- her baby brother Clayton, the one who's always been just like her, who's grown up with her same environment and influences -- begins openly living as a gay man? I'm sure the situation must have had a strong impact on her, even if just on a subconscious level; I've always found it curious that she seems to have a harder time accepting Clayton in S6E14 than she does in S4E9 (she even calls his sexuality a phase), and while a part of it may be attributed to the higher social exposure Clayton's commitment to Doug brings, I think this may be a result of her inner conflict, provoked by watching her brother live openly while she's been suppressing a part of herself all her life.

Here I'm assuming she's never acted upon her attraction to women before, but there's some space to believe she has done so and has decided it's too much of a hassle, as you say -- likely because she'd for sure do it in secret, given her fear of societal condemnation. If she has been with women before, and decided to give up on it, I still think she'd be greatly impacted by Clayton's coming out: it means her baby brother is a) braver than she is, and b) going to openly face (and likely suffer because of) the same social issues she's run away from. In this lens, I find it interesting that she cautions him about how people can be, almost as if they've both experienced it.

Whew. Wow, this was a lot more than I'd originally meant to write, haha! Seems you sparked a big train of thought, anon! I think all of the Girls (with the possible exception of Sophia) are really fascinating to analyze with a queer lens, and Blanche is always interesting to me, of course. As a final note, I'd like to point out that she does come around to Clayton's sexuality and his relationship, in the end: as often happens, she just needs the Girls' help to put things back in perspective, understand she's hurting someone she loves, and correct her actions. I'd like to think living with the Girls might lead to her becoming more accepting of herself, too.

#this was so much fun!! you helped me pass the time on about two and a half hours of train rides anon :)#this is... Long lmao. but are we surprised? i always end up talking at length #and this subject is Very interesting to me for obvious reasons so...#there's a lot more that could be said i think. all her homoerotic moments with the girls?#dancing with rose? playing pretend with dorothy?#and all the times sophia jokes about them? 'you couldn't stay in the closet for one more day'?#all fascinating stuff no matter how you look at it #i really think her homophobia stems from societal expectations honestly. she *never* expresses the opinion that being gay is wrong per se #she doesn't think it's unnatural or against god or anything like that. the worst thing she says is that 'phase' comment imho #she thinks it's *socially unacceptable*. which is a whole different thing #and considering blanche's whole thing with being accepted by society i feel like a queer in denial storyline really fits her character #like. think of even just this:#blanche devereaux. known for being libertine and unashamed of her sexuality (to the point of being labelled 'a slut').#often described as 'selfish' and 'self-centered'. focused on satisfying her desires and wishes at all times #this woman? having to deny a part of said desires for her entire life? the contrast is DELICIOUS to me #this big fear of societal disapproval was the angle i went with for my blanche/rose fic! it was set at the end of s2 #so this was really all i could explore. but it would have been fun to throw clayton into the mix #i really think seeing him be so open about himself had a profound effect on her #oh look at me rambling in the tags too haha. excellent observations anon! thank you for sending this ask!#if you have any more thoughts i'd love to read them!!#oh and also -- when does blanche say she thinks dorothy's attracted to women?#i don't remember it and i'm *very* curious about it #the golden girls #blanche devereaux #golden wives #ask

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dotted-clouds · 5 months ago

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I finished reading a manga I haven't read in 13 years called Silver Diamond ... honestly it was fantastic read for a 2003 manga..

have my mans Senroh Chigusa 💕

#my art #Silver Diamond #SILVER DIAMOND #S◇#senroh chigusa #chigusa senroh #sawa rakan #rakan sawa #I picked up the manga (volume 1 only) at my now destroyed public library back in middle school around 2010-2011 #I was a lil teen who picked up anything that had hot guys with them (senroh did this to me)#I often thought about the series every once in a while with the random ass manga I'd also read that wasn't mainstream #I only started reading it a few days ago because discord mudae bot showed off Touji from Silver Diamond #I did and lemme tell y'all it's a hidden gem (haha) of a damn supernatural/adventure manga mixed in with some BL #The BL isn't even that prominent but it builds a foundation for Rakan (protag) and Chigusa that pays off so well.#I'm rambling but this manga is so good even the story was consistent and connected everything so smoothly i was genuinely impressed #besides even 13 years later.. even at the age of 13 (then) and 26 (now) Chigusa is still my hottie husband (cringe) 💔#ENOUGH RAMBLING SHIA KAZING *CLAPS MY HANDS AND I FUCKING EXPLODE* 💥

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goldentigerfestival · 5 months ago

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Since I'd been talking a lot about JP Vesperia (primarily Yuri and Flynn and the heavy changes that surround them, and because I'm highly passionate about them in their original context), I wanted to compile some more jarring if not outright glaring mistakes in the localization (or what were likely intentional changes, because I can't look at some of these and just call them "mistakes"). I'm not going to mention every little change throughout the game, so smaller things I'll mostly be leaving out (namely things that don't really affect characters or context). I primarily just wanted to give some insight on some of the bigger parts.

Some of the changes seem to have been mistakes in translation itself (not just localization, but misunderstanding what was being said in general; such as, there's an instance I mention of that between Patty and Don), so I've got some mentions hanging around for clarity purposes as some scenes didn't make much sense, likely because of this.

Vocal tone with Yuri was the most prominent issue that got me making this, and the context that was changed being right after if not equally next to that (most often also with Yuri but also Flynn).

This is something that has been bothering me for a while and I've been wanting to share this stuff with people interested in seeing the game with its original context. Generally speaking, the plot and story themselves are on point. The majority of the differences surround Yuri and Flynn respectively, so there's going to be a lot of mention of them throughout.

I've also posted video clips of my favorite scenes and the heavy changes, so consider those a supplement to this and vice versa.

Part 2.

Part 3.

Part 4.

(Other) GTF Favorites.

I'd like to preface this by mentioning the chief director and producer of the game itself has also spoken about localization inaccuracy issues, so that's something to keep in mind (it's in Japanese, but you should be able to use the offered post translator).

I'd also like to preface this by mentioning that in the original, Yuri is more playful and relaxed/casual (generally but including with Flynn, which the dub pretty much entirely changed until arc 3), but also gentler and softer. He has a very large variety of tonal behaviors/tonal "moods" that were pretty much nuked from the dub.

Basically, to get the full experience for Yuri, I can only really recommend playing the game in JP audio. Obviously you won't get the actual context because all you'll have is the dub context, but that's also partly why I'm making these posts - to cover the contextual changes while the video clips cover some of the tonal changes (because lbh I don't expect anyone to actually go watch the entire game in JP with subtitles unless you're as insanely dedicated as I am, and I'm largely doing it out of my love for the original Yuri and Flynn and my disdain for how the localization treated them).

As a heads up, there won't be many skits in here because I'm going through a specific YT playthrough for these screenshots. Specific skits won't always come up in the playthrough in question, and I can't find a whole list of skits in JP anywhere online. I don't have all skits unlocked in my own save either yet (you can unlock all skits with Grade which I have yet to do in the DE), so I can't use that to compare all skits right now.

There are plenty of small changes here and there that I won't be including in these posts because there are some sentence changes that aren't impactful but do exist. I just don't want to be here for a year covering the random changes that don't matter much. I'm also not going to include details of a lot of honorifics because I'd be here all day, but there is one one major instance that I mention later on.

For reference if anything wants to actually watch the game in JP with the subs (it goes until just after Hypionia), most of the references come from here. Since in some cases the subber just reused localized text even when the context wasn't the same, I did bring some of those up in these posts too. These were subbed before the DE version came out. I used screenshots with subs where possible to make it easier to follow along.

I have a lot of passion for JP Yuri and I hope I can pass on some of that passion to others. 🙏

Apologies in advance if some of these sound cranky. If I sound cranky about some specific changes, it's probably because I am.

---

Since I talked about the whole, Raven being shady and Yuri therefore not being grateful to him incident that the localization for some reason butchered and made Yuri sound like a generally ungrateful or just outright dumb person who doesn't understand gratitude, I'll summarize that one again here:

Yuri has a skit with Estelle originally talking about how he can't find himself being grateful to someone like Raven for showing him how to sneak out of the castle. Basically, Raven is shady and he's not sure he should be grateful to someone like that, and is confused as to why Estelle would be so grateful when she doesn't even know him (because in his mind, he isn't sure he wants to trust a guy with those vibes). The dub just kinda... makes him sound like an ungrateful jerk and not so much because he's not sure he wants to trust Raven. It doesn't really sound like it's an issue of his with Raven specifically but more that he just generally doesn't feel grateful for the aid (and that in general one shouldn't feel grateful for aid like this), which gives off a really wrong impression of him that doesn't hold up throughout the game. Yuri wasn't wholly ungrateful for the gesture itself, but because of who it came from (and I imagine a weird peppy guy in jail is good cause to be skeptical).

We start off we a classic "Yuri, you idiot!" that was changed to "come on already!".

Yuri's response to Estelle mentioning he'd been in the knights doesn't actually give a time frame for how long he'd been there (the dub made up three months, but there was never originally even a time frame given).

Here when Yuri asks Estelle why she can't just leave, her response indicates she actually does know why. The dub made it more ambiguous, which could be easily misinterpreted as she really doesn't know, so I'm dropping this one here.

For some reason the localization seemed to have Estelle responding to Karol directly about the ace always performing their attack last ("I don't think so"). What she was referring to was the tiny monster that walked by, asking for confirmation that that monster was not the eggbear they were looking for (I wasn't gonna fight with the video to get a better screenshot without the annoying YT red bar in the way so the monster is in the corner mid-movement lol). Not sure if that was a genuine mistake, but it was an odd one.

(Also, side note and not putting an image here because it's more general, but Yuri refers to Karol as "Karol-sensei" which was translated in the localization to "Captain Karol". Basically, Yuri calls him "sensei" because that's a teacher/professor, and he's making a play on Karol's knowledge and being their "teacher" about monsters/maps/etc.)

I'd say this is more along the lines of overexaggerating and not overreacting, but this line was literally changed to "haha" in the dub. The whole point wasn't that Yuri just brushed her comment off or found it funny. At this point he still literally thinks she's exaggerating about her lack of knowledge out in the world, her excitement, etc.

Not the only instance you'll find of the dub just changing entire sentences to something meaningless as if they ??? didn't know what it meant (they actually changed Patty saying an entire sentence to "aye"). In some cases they added entire sentences that weren't even there...

Even though I can kind of see where they went with the dub here, the point was supposed to be that Flynn actively thought he would be happy for Yuri to go outside the barrier and see the world.

The dub changed this to Flynn saying that he, in the now, is happy that Yuri is outside the barrier, but then says he got a little less happy when he saw the wanted poster, indicating he was previously happy but got less happy, yet says in that moment that he is happy.

It's a weird case of (past/present) tense usage for the most part, but they also removed the fact that Flynn is literally saying "I thought I would be happy" (thus expressing he'd been wanting Yuri to see the world outside the barrier and would've been happy to find out he did). The reason he's not finding himself happy is because of the wanted poster and the crimes listed on it, following up that his honest happiness for Yuri (ultimately because of the poster) was a lie.

This also means they removed Flynn expressing the honesty of his happiness for a positive concept for Yuri, which, given all the changes toward Flynn in the dub, already now takes away from the fact that he'd been actively hoping for good things for someone and we're left with this more sarcastic take on him being "happy".

Obviously his happiness wasn't really a lie because most of the crimes were falsified (primarily the ones that would make him actually mad, because Flynn has had to have been aware this whole time that Yuri has committed small time crimes for the past few years now), but at the time, the focus on this conversation is that Flynn thought he'd be happy at a time that Yuri left the barrier; meaning he'd been hoping for it prior to it happening.

I'm also mentioning it because it's the very first in a whole line of changes the dub made to their relationship (and it's their first in game interaction ffs) and to Flynn himself as he's perceived as a character. The original is much more expressive of how important they are to each other in a lot of various ways.

Inserting the JP audio version of the following scene with Flynn here.

And... the following one from there.

This was changed to "damn, we if lose our balance...". I know they did it because Yuri had just fallen over, but I'm including this one because the context isn't... really the same thing?

This dub change is a bit odd to me. They had him saying something along the lines of "she is a princess after all" in the dub, regarding the council backing her.

The original context is more like, the council is backing her and he's hearing it directly from Ioder and he probably doubts Ioder would lie like that or about that, cementing that yes, she truly is, like he suspected, a princess, but it's almost still a bit odd to know. It's sort of like, he knew/had suspicions but hearing it directly from Ioder just confirms it for certain.

The dub just made it sound like well yeah, it's obvious they'd want to back her, she's a princess... but Ioder is a prince, so that doesn't explain why they're not backing him. She is a princess after all, so of course they'd back her... but what's stopping them from backing the prince?

Another weird one for me. In the dub Yuri says that "even the Commandant was a little in over his head", when he actually... really wasn't? All he did was step in. Things got bad enough that he had to, but he wasn't in over his head. Not sure how or why the dub ended up with that.

An example of the dub having a habit of just adding in random lines that didn't actually exist (and in this case the one added didn't even contextually make sense. This was no thank you from him, this was literally him making Yuri do something for him because he was going to ask Flynn for a favor and ended up with Yuri in the cell instead).

Another super weird one in the dub. They had Yuri saying Flynn was "too" late, implying he hadn't made it in time, but he did. He made it just before the battle started, but the original context only says he's late, not too late (which makes sense given that they were ready to fight but hadn't started yet).

This was changed to Yuri just mentioning there was one way they could get out of there without actually saying what it was, and Judith saying if he thinks it might work what's the harm in trying it out. Not sure why they changed Yuri literally telling her his plan, so... again, a super weird change that I don't get why they didn't just keep the context the way it was.

Third image was changed to "someone get me away from this psycho", which... I also don't get why they put that there unless they just wanted so much flavor text that they wanted to change the whole "they're in a fight and he's telling her not to come over here because he's pissed at her because they're fighting" part of the fake fight they had going on.

Not one I have a huge problem with, but definitely good examples of them going out of their way to change just... perfectly normal stuff that literally has no reason to be changed? Some of it is flavor text and some of it feels over the top for me. Stuff that makes me like... why would you change that when there was no reason to? Could be more of a personal pet peeve of mine, but I just don't like unnecessary changes when there was nothing wrong or odd about the original text and doesn't at all come off odd in English. Unfortunately Vesperia got littered with those.

I didn't feel like getting a whole video for this, but basically Judith gives a little laugh instead of just the more upset/distressed(?) sound she made in the dub. Feels more fitting imo to keep up the "lie" Yuri started for her. The dub makes it seem more like she feels guilty, versus here she's giving a little forced giggle to go along with it. Again, a change I'm not sure why they put in.

Ngl I get completely different vibes from these. The JP comes across more as concern, rather than... treating them like they're some mob on the loose...?

Once again, this gives off negative vibes toward Flynn as a character imo.

Here Judith gives more of a reason for coming with them, which they changed in the dub to "with the circumstances being what they are, this is just how things turned out". Reasonably, she didn't have to stick around after they ran from Dahngrest, but here she gives a quick "reason".

The dub changed this to "I'll bet he is". They were just told he's the current magistrate in Heliord, and all Yuri says here expresses he's letting it sink in and realizing exactly why all this is happening here. It's not a huge story beat or anything that gets changed, but it's an example of changing things that don't need to be changed as if trying to play things up in a way that... doesn't feel necessary to me? In this case the situation is kind of dawning on Yuri as he realizes how bad this situation could be/why it's like it is, but in the dub it comes across as more just unimpressed and "of course he'd do that".

An unfortunate, classic moment of them changing how much Yuri believes in and trusts Flynn. They changed this to "gotta run, Flynn!" and he just... leaves. I'm sorry but in what universe does "leave the rest to you" equal "gotta run"???

This one is one of those cases where the localization text was super awkward and wonky, and worse, they actually voiced it that way (like "we have guild's job to deal with". Yes, they actually voiced it that way too on top of everything else grammatically wonky with the entire conversation that they didn't bother fixing when the DE came out).

Also here, they changed what Yuri says about Cumore and Flynn. "I don't know how I could explain this to Flynn" doesn't, at least to me, carry the same weight as Yuri actually feeling ashamed (in the dub he says "what a shame", but does not express shame, versus him saying "how pathetic" and expressing shame in feeling pathetic) and saying he can't even face Flynn because Cumore got away. The thing is, Yuri does tend to posture, so when he fails at something, it hits him pretty hard.

And let's be honest, this just hits way harder than "he will get what he deserves".

Interestingly, Yuri could also fall into the category of viewing himself as sinful later on, which I talk about in my favorites post and the usage of "crime" and "sin" within the JP context.

Not particularly important, but just another (more mild) case and example of how the dub just randomly changed tone/mood/wording for no reason.

Another case of Yuri being more aggressive in the dub than he actually was. Here, all he says is just a plain statement. In the dub, he has an attitude about it and says it in a tone that's more insulting that Ioder didn't know about Heracles.

This isn't the only case of dub Yuri acting aggressively toward Ioder when he wasn't supposed to be and we'll get to that, but Ioder is another similar case of the dub making Yuri unnecessarily vocally rude (despite that Ioder is very polite toward Yuri).

(I left out the subtitles because all they did was copy the dub's localization, which kinda defeats the point of this post LOL. This will be the case going forward for any same circumstances.)

This one's a more interesting tidbit to me and less of a harmful change (i.e. I find that a lot of if not most changes relative to Flynn do more harm than good when compared with the original context). Basically it's saying "sweet mask and sharp eyes", implying Flynn's sweet face is a mask and saying it contrasts with his sharp eyes. I could get into a whole rant about why I love that in relation to some side material, but even in the game itself, there's the knight Flynn with his sweet, polite side and his real side that only shows when he's around Yuri (basically, who Flynn has to be for his job and who he actually is as a person, which he only gets to be around someone who knows the real him).

I'd guess this got changed in the dub because they weren't sure how to word it, though there's no mention of "heartthrob" here at all and instead actually says "sweet mask" as if, again, to say his sweetness is just a mask. It's actually a very interestingly accurate representation of his character - how he tends to not be himself when he's being "knight Flynn", and how that sweet face is contrasted by the look in his eyes (which they say, you know, eyes are the windows to the soul, so this would imply the sweet face is the mask and the eyes are the real Flynn. And of course, this Flynn is implied to show himself in his sparring with Yuri in Aurnion, where sword fighting is the best way to express himself. This isn't to say Flynn being a nice person in and of itself is a lie, but that his overly polite, respectful, kind knight side is a sweet mask contrasted to the man who loves to fight and has a sharp look in his eyes)

For now, we'll be back at Mantaic in the next post (due to image per post limit).

#Tales of Vesperia #GTF JP Vesperia Things #GTF Vesperia Localization Woes #really like... a lot of the time? the other characters weren't changed all that much #it's primarily Yuri who got this weird shift where they just... flattened his personality?#but some of the biggest offenders ended up being some of the most important scenes in the game which is what bothers me #and sometimes the localization is pretty much just... on point with the plot dialogue and other characters #yet for some reason they just... changed a lot of tone for Yuri?#it's just like... Yuri will have personality in his tone and they instead make dub Yuri speak it in a flat way in those moments #this did happen with the original dubbing quite a bit but it's also just SUPER noticeable with the new lines #my suggestion would be to at least play the game w/ JP dialogue and see how you feel coming out of it if you're a fan of Yuri and/or Flynn #and if you like it enough then I'd suggest watching the playthrough in JP that these screenshots came from if you're RLY dedicated lol #it's not JUST Yuri it's just /dominantly/ Yuri. other odd lines just didn't... go as hard?#like Raven and Karol especially go pretty hard on their lines in JP and the Schwann stuff with Karol was OOF #or if you'd rather just skip to watching it in JP I mean be my guest lol I just know some ppl might rather PLAY it #I just feel like... like... even tho not everything in the dub is horrendous... if you're a YURI fan?#it's hard to go back to the dub (impossible for me ngl) when you have this actual silly little guy #who is a lot more emotional and wholesome and Yuri isn't acting like he has a stick up his dubbed ass in some scenes #I still prefer the 360 version plot-wise for the most part and it's a mixed bag there a bit but #I can't get JP audio on the 360 so. it's the struggle ig.#in my case though it's this feeling of like... them wanting to create an image onto Yuri that wasn't supposed to be there?#obviously I don't know what went on in the loc room but I do know I walked out looking at dub Yuri like #him and the original Yuri aren't even the same. I get so frustrated with dub Yuri's unnecessary ATTITUDE sometimes #which wasn't ever a problem for me period in JP. he's emotional and sincere WAY more often #also lbh I cannot reasonably picture dub Yuri all dressed up and pretty the way he is in official artwork LOL #and that's the thing. I see them so differently it's like they're different people #I also just feel like the dub was like. he doesn't fit OUR vision for him. what WE want him to be like #and again I don't know what went on in that loc room but I DO know that's how I came out feeling from this game #anyway this is in hope more ppl will come to love JP Yuri's personality and stuff #but yeah more next time on ''why did you do this to my sweet baby boy''

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