#so now we're getting to the core of my being: absolutely insane. i live on three tangents at once

[idontlikeem]

hi! i'd like to talk about losing. you don't have to read this if you don't want to, but i wanted to write it, and guess what, it's my blog. i just like this team a lot and i'm feeling a little maudlin about my guys and a little sick to fucking death of the shit i'm seeing all over kingdom come from 'fans'. so here we are.

So You Became A Fan Of A Living Legend But The Hockey Team Is Bad: a commentary.

look. this is not the most fun i've ever had watching hockey, and i'm quite sure a lot of people feel the same way. the penguins are bad this season! they were bad last season too, but there's something very special about the extent to which they are shit right now. and those are not fun games to watch.

but here's the thing: who cares.

like, idk. there's so much god damn negativity surrounding this team and its performance right now, and i'm guilty of contributing to it as well, because yeah of course i'd rather watch a team win in decisive fashion most nights. of course i'd rather dream about may and june and the stanley cup. of course i want to watch that happen again for my favorite players. like, duh.

but. it's probably not going to. not if these players get what they want, which is to play together on this team until they're ready to retire.

and you know what? that's fine. if they're fine with it, who on earth am i to not be?

i think we all have the same reaction when we see idiots online saying things like 'sid doesn't deserve this trade him to a contender'. and that's because we are smarter and more refined fans who understand that what sidney crosby DESERVES is to select how and where and when his career ends. is it on a team that sucks? then that means being here is more important to him than getting that fourth cup. staying with geno and kris and the penguins as a whole, never putting on another NHL logo, is more significant to him personally than another victory. and isn't that special? isn't that worth celebrating?

of course we know all of that because we're better at being fans than the uncles online who are writing weird fanfic in their heads. but. guess what that comes with:

losing.

and losing badly, in the case of this season.

i am here to tell you that sitting and bitching about it helps no one. right now, what we have to watch and celebrate is our favorite players still playing at a high level. they're still doing cool stuff on the ice. and they're doing it TOGETHER. this is what they wanted. so your options are either to hate it and sit in negativity about it each and every game, OR readjust your mindset and learn to enjoy what we have while we have it.

we are watching myth-making happen live. we are watching living legends play hockey. this is a privilege and an honor and it's not something most fanbases get EVER. and we have two! can you believe it?

there are things i would have rather seen done differently over the last couple of years. as far back as 2019 there were moves i disagreed with and changes that could have been made that perhaps could have extended their window. and of course the 2022 series against the rangers, that was a very good team that got hit by injuries at the absolute worst possible time, and probably that was their last chance as a core to compete. it's frustrating to watch that stuff happen when you have no control over it.

the pittsburgh penguins were high-end competitors and contenders for seventeen years straight. that's insane and unheard of in this league. they're not anymore. and the price you pay for almost two decades of dominance is...being bad. when you're competing you trade prospects and draft picks for win-now players. sometimes those work out, most of the time they don't. with the amount of winning this team has done, even the trades that didn't work were worth it, because it meant they were trying.

there are no fanbases who are going to feel bad for penguins fans right now. that's also why we're getting so much attention from the national media. people aren't used to this team being as bad as it is, and people like watching downfalls. that's fine. most of those fans have never watched their team win, and most of them never will. so if their joy is coming from sidney crosby's team being bad....well, love and light, you know?

and we shouldn't feel bad for ourselves either. this is what happens. this is how it goes. this is the price for the band staying together.

i dunno, guys. this is a disjointed rant. it's just so effing hard to be kicked in the nuts everywhere you go with unrelenting negativity. it's on twitter it's in the articles and yes, it's here too. but if you can't be a fan of a team when they're bad, then i'm sorry but you're not a fan of the team (or certain players), you're a fan of winning. and NO team wins all the time every year. that's not how sports work.

we are lucky. at least, i feel lucky! don't you? gosh, sidney crosby scored his 600th career goal tonight. evgeni malkin is over 500 goals on his career. can you believe that? it's amazing to watch.

and it's going to be over in less than two years. do we really want to waste it by wishcasting something that's not going to happen instead of enjoying what we DO have?

if the media bums you out, don't listen. don't read the articles. don't go on twitter. dry your tears on the stanley cup banners that sid and geno hung up—there are three to choose from!

[callmepippin]

whoa i've made a fascinating linguistic discovery. the german translatian of the english word "how" is "wie", which sounds exactly like the dutch word "wie", which translates to english "who", which sounds exactly like the dutch "hoe", which translates to the english word "how"!!! language is a flat circle

[ceaseless-watchers-special-girl]

you guys. you guys you guys. i think i know what i want from the final season of the penumbra podcast. i have spent the past ten minutes pacing around my room. yesterday i read up to chapter 17 of prydon's fic separate but syncopated (https://archiveofourown.org/works/30943430/chapters/76417991) which let's be honest, you've probably read already. it's phenomenal. if you haven't, you should.

so i've been thinking. i just really want to go back to brahma. i want to go back to brahma and take down the guardian angel system.

the thing is, the junoverse is a very character driven storyline, and i love that about it. the second citadel is more event driven i think, and it was more difficult for me to get into that storyline and stick with it (i'm weak i'm sorry). for example, although the first season focuses a lot on juno solving the whole martian artefact doodah, back then the penumbra crew were still finding their feet.

then junoverse season 2 happened, and the entire point of that season was basically "get juno over his trauma" (that's why it was so long oh my god). sure, there was a whole plot with ramses and the theia souls, but i think we can all agree that was secondary to juno's character development.

next, season 3. season 3 is definitely character driven, you literally can't deny it. it focuses on each member of the carte blanche in turn, and it uses the plot, finding the curemother prime, as a secondary tool to further the true point of the season: getting to know the characters.

season 4 i'm a little less certain about because i'm typing this post straight into tumblr fresh out of my brain (if anyone wants to help out with the analysis i'd love that). but i think the point of season 4 is to test and showcase the bonds of the carte blanche with each other, and juno rescuing them all is not only a good story, but also a good way to show off the relationships they built in season 3. his relationship with nureyev is shown through periodic reading of the journal, and juno's copious inner monologues (i say like i'm one to talk when all of these thoughts are swirling around in my own head).

then, season 5. the point of this season mirrors that of season 2, but this time, we need to get nureyev over his trauma. this is way trickier, because we're not inside nureyev's head, we're still in juno's. it's still character driven because the aim is to help nureyev, but the plot is given by juno having to chase him across the galaxy. hence, juno's hesitation when he finally finds nureyev.

well, steel, you've caught him. now what the hell are you going to do with him?

there is no plot to drive the character study anymore. our goal was to help nureyev, and juno (poor juno) has done all he can. the ball falls squarely into nureyev's court now, and juno has no say in the plot of the rest of the story. this is why i have been chewing myself alive since the last episode — we know what's next for the characters emotionally, but we have absolutely zero idea what's happening next plot-wise. it's killing me.

(what was the point of this post again?)

OH WAIT I'VE GOT IT. so. since our whole thing for this season is helping nureyev, and we all want him to go batshit fucking insane, i really want nureyev to go back to brahma, and finish what he started two decades ago. i think it's the perfect circular story arc to keep them occupied while nureyev heals emotionally from the fallout from everything going on with slip.

also, sorry to get real for a second, but i've just been tearing myself apart being morally outraged at the world we live in, and the fact that i'm barely able to do anything about it. maybe one day i could, but until then, it would be nice to see my favourite space gays set an example.

now, i know there's complications with this. nureyev refused to take the guardian angel system down in the first place because of the damage it would cause, and i'm willing to bet he hasn't excised that moral core just yet, no matter how hard he's trying. but i'm sure they can find a way to make it work. they have rita, after all!!

they're definitely hinting at a homecoming arc for juno. i think nureyev needs one too, is all.

[jungleslang]

I am absolutely losing my mind over Yeong/Naksu's character in part 2!!!!

It's so insane to me how we're seeing all these different facets of one single character. She was born as Cho Yeong, but we see her first as Naksu, then as Mu-deok, and now as Jin Bu-yeon.

As Naksu she was cold and ruthless and only cared about her mission. In episode 1 of the first part we saw her brutally push a blind girl out of the way and forcefully grab another so she could shift her soul into her body. As Mu-deok, we see her warming up and caring about those around her. She becomes reluctantly heroic and decides to save everyone who's trapped in the ice stone, even giving up her power to do so. And now, as Jin Bu-yeon, she is a sheltered but kind and playful noble lady.

We have seen Yeong in so many contexts. As an infamous assassin, an impertinent maid, and a sheltered lady. But her core personality is still there in all of them. Cho Yeong as Naksu, Mu-deok, and Bu-yeon are all different and yet soooo similar.

Regardless of what name she goes by, I can still tell it's her because she has that exact same boldness and fighting spirit. As Bu-yeon, she is unhappy with her circumstances and so she does everything in her limited power to change them. You would think that having no memories of anything but confinement would make her obedient and docile, but nope. Even though she believes that Lady Jin is her mother and she doesn't want to hurt her, she refuses to go along with the future her (fake) mother has mapped out for her. Mama Jin also talks about the times Yeong has escaped before. That means that Yeong ran away multiple times despite knowing that they would always be able to track her down with the bracelet because she simply cannot stand to do nothing. She herself says that escape is not possible and tells Uk that if she leaves, it would only be an outing. But she does it anyway. Because doing nothing is just not in her nature.

I just love love love that we still see hints of Mu-deok and Naksu in her role as Bu-yeon. Like she points that fire poker straight at Uk's throat with zero hesitation and she even managed to sneak up on him. Uk is a Hwansu level mage now, but he didn't notice her creeping up behind him until she spoke. She still has Mu-deok's cunning and resourceful nature and her quirky charm, too. She knew how powerful Uk was by the way he managed to break the barrier and embed that fire poker into the wall, and she still dared to deceive him. She purposefully made him think that she was more powerful than she actually was so that she could appear useful to him and he would help her. Her first thought upon meeting a powerful stranger who could easily harm her was "how can I use him to get what I want?" That along with the way she slams her hands against the table when she doesn't get her way is such a Mu-deok thing to me.

And that's not even talking about how utterly fucking unimpressed she was when she confronted that body-snatching water monster thing in the second episode. The only memories she has are of being locked in the same room for three years and yet she didn't flinch at that thing for even a second. She actively chased after that monster, coldly stared it down and essentially told it to fuck off before turning her back to walk away. You cannot deny the sheer big dick energy of that move. That cold confidence and fearlessness scream Naksu and you cannot convince me otherwise.

I can't wait to see how all of these versions of her come together when she gets her memories back!!!!!!!!

It's so sad to me that we never got to see her live under her true name, and I really hope the show takes us there by the end. She deserves to finally be able to live as Cho Yeong, the person she really is. And when she does get to live as Yeong, I hope we see elements of all three of her aliases in her personality because they've all shaped her in some way.

[vicsy]

are u okay vic? sending love xx

(hateful ppl only have hate in their sad lives and try to bring everyone else down to their depressing level, don’t listen them!!)

frankly, anon? no, i am not.

and if you think about it, it's incredibly stupid to be all torn up because of a fucking sport I watch for general enjoyment but what else is new? i got into f1 when life hit the absolute possible low for me and it helped me immensely through it all, still does, and i found so many friends and wonderful people and i started writing again. it's pure fucking escapism coming back to bite me in the ass.

it hasn't been great to be an f1 fan lately because of events I don't need to be recapping - it's all out there in its disgusting glory, all over social media every single day. we're just being reminded of how rotten the core of this sport is and how high of a role money and power play. it's not new but disappointing nevertheless, considering there isn't much we can do to try and fix that.

but the hate among us, the fans? it's getting out of hand.

i will never go out on my way to police anyone's behaviour (it is never justified) but clearly there is a line between haha jokes and pure fucking malice. there is having genuine, critical conversations you can have (recently had one with my close friend and it was so refreshing to talk instead of secretly talk shit) and using this sport as a yardstick to measure someone's morals. it's been happening more and more, considering recent comments made by drivers in regards to the ongoing case that deals with harassment. that opened a can of worms that made ALL of us unhappy and even more disappointed, in one way of another. there is expressing genuine opinion and then there is being a hater because it's a trend.

are all Charles fans insane? are all Daniel fans delusional misogynists? are all Lando fans insufferable pricks? are all Max fans outright racists? are all Lewis fans stuck up? I could go on and same sentiment goes for each team on the grid. can we rightfully define someone by who they are a fan of? are we all required to make a statement each time a driver says/does something mindnumbingly stupid in order to, god forbid, not get cancelled along with that driver? can we genuinely bring a driver up without shitting on the other or is it not mutually exclusive?

there has been a barrage of hate towards several drivers and i get it, i do, it's sports, we're always gonna get like this. it's the whole spirit of it. i am not saying we can't root for someone and talk shit about the other. but again, i am seeing the waves of hate getting bigger and bolder, assumptions being made on the spot. people openly calling each other stupid over being fans or having a different opinion. in some ways any sense of compassion and critical thinking is dead in a ditch.

it wasn't like this before, if i am honest, but i am also a rather new fan. i am seeing all sorts of stuff on my dash both from people i don't know and from people i do know. it's a knee jerk reaction, to go and judge someone by posts and stuff, i know it but i made myself not do that. but i am just afraid of this ongoing trend of hate. i really am.

it just seems like there is no margin for error. your fave can either be squeaky clean, completely unproblematic, or they should be shot on sight. it doesn't matter if any of us acknowledge it or not. for some reason, it's a "you are what you eat" situation. and i find it rather unfair. you can separate person and a driver. two things can be true at once etc etc. none of it warrants wishing actual harm on other people.

so yeah, sorry for a rant. i'll stop now and, for what it's worth, i have been trying to unlearn the ways of "people pleasing", so here are just my thoughts that i don't think many will agree with but i don't want to bend under whatever popular opinions circulate here (especially by "big blogs"). i'd rather have people talk to me personally and i am always open to having a conversation, making friends and discussing opinions. those at the head of f1 management don't seem to do better but us tearing each other apart can also mean that we aren't doing any better, too. at least i personally think so. don't take my word as a generalized opinion.

thank you for the message, anon, i appreciate it. sorry again to be Like That. big hug!

[trashyandtiredsol]

Second Live Reaction Thing

OKAY FINALE ACT OF ARCANE SEASON 2 LET'S FUCKIN GOOOO :D

Starting with episode 7:

(Ps: this turned out WAY longer than expected, like, over double as long)

1. YO THAT MUSIC DISK THING AT THE START HAS EKKO AND POWDER THIS TIME INSTEAD OF VI AND POWDER :0

Hope that means we finally get Ekko

2. YO YO YO THERE IS EKO LESS FUCKIN GO

Also- TIME FUCKERY SHIT IS HAPPENING I KNEW OTHER TUMBLR PEEPS WERE ONTO SOMETHING

Okay I'll tone down the yelling text now andhsjfjskg (hopefully- okay this is a lie, it will happen again)

3. ALTERNATE JINX I REPEATE ALTERNATE JINX HOLY SHIT- or is it Powder-

4. Bro Ekko is fucking GOING THROUGH IT my gosh

ALSO WHERE'S HEIMERDINGER

5. VANDER TO???!!?!??

6. MYLO AND CLAGGOR WHAT THE FUCK-

7. OOoooh it's Powder then, not Jinx, subtitles just confirmed it 👍

8. Oh hey Heimerdinger!! :D

9. OH FUCK YEAH HEIMERDINGER KNOWS TO ABOUT THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE SHIT SHOW THAT'S GOING DOWN

10. Oooh and now they're discussing what the absolute FUCK happened to Jayce

Also- Heimerdinger: "The anomaly behaved differently around him.'

YEAH probably cuz his doomed yaoi partner in science is connected to the Arcane AND they both literally created HexTech, with the HexTech core thing sucking Jayce and Ekko and Heimerdinger into wherever the fuck they are right now, like- yeah DUH it's gonna act differently around Jayce

11. Yay Vi mention!! :D

Wonder if she and Cait are dating or married in this universe-

12. Welp- time for the Jayce shit show to commence

13. OH THIS BETTER BE VIKTOR BEING OMINOUS AS SHIT RN

OKAY no Viktor... HOWEVER

14. THE FUCK KINDA APOCALYPTIC UNIVERSE IS JAYCE IN RN?????????

15. IS THAT PILTOVER!!???!!?!?!!

16. Lol Ekko questioning this Powder like she's Jinx- my man you're paranoid as all hell- but yeah, understandable

17. WAIT WHAT VI'S DEAD HERE D:

18. Ekko my boy PLEASE don't fuck up this universe and whatever relationship's this you has going on hfhajfjskgja

19. OOoooh jeez yep now Powder's upset at him

20. FUCKIN WHAT- okay now it's another alternate universe way more similar to the main one, with Jinx dead now

21. Oh nope- back to the "good future" one of sorts

22. Heimerdinger that song is way to upbeat for the shit fest going on right now- especially with Jayce

23. YO WE'RE GETTING TI SEE JAYCE'S OLD APARTMENT NOW IN THE UNIVERSE EKKO AND HEIMERDINGER ARE IN :D

Hope alternate Jayce in this universe isn't dead tho- the whole place looks abandoned

24. And now we're back to main Jayce, in an apocalyptic Zaun now! Think he's looking for Viktor

25. OH SHIT- VI DIED ON A JOB TO CHECK OUT JAYCE'S APARTMENT ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE EKKO SENT THEM ON

26. Oooo main Ekko found an early development HexTech crystal!! :D

Sweet sweet help yourself get home my dude!!

27. Damn Jayce is finding a LOT of standing dead people- or.. husks of dead people from what it looks like

28. OOoooh what else is watching you Jayce huh? Also please don't die figuring that out

29. OOOOH SHIT THE HUSKS ARE MOVING OH SHIT RUN JAYCE RUN

30. Oh so THAT'S why he has a brance on his leg earlier in the season after coming outta the parallel universe(s)

Fuckin his HexTech hammer absolutely knocked that knee out falling down that hill

31. Well shite that was a fucking hard as fuck impact Jayce

32. "How can I forsake a brilliant lad in need.. again." Well Heimerdinger definitely has some guilt, also that cut right to Jayce when he said "again" so I believe he's talking about him, even though I believe Heimerdinger forsake Jayce AND Viktor

33. Ohh shiiiit that leg looks baaaad as fuck

34. BRO WHO'S THAT WHITE CLOAKED FIGURE THAT JUST APPEARED THEN VANISHED?????

Hope it's Viktor honestly-

35. Does he SERIOUSLY spend the entire time he's in the parallel universe(s) trying to get outta a fucking huge hole in the ground??????? Fuckin hope not

36. The husks are watching him start to go insane in the solitude??? Fuckin REALLY?????

37. OH SHIT THERE'S THE HALLUCINATING, YA GOT black eyed Mel with the gold pupils and Viktor before the arcane bullshit with fully black eyes and Mel's makeup for some reason

38. OOoooh okay he made a brace outta his Hammer alrighty

39. Yay he's outta the hole!!! :D

40. Aww Ekko painted main Vi as an apology to Powder 🥺

41. Where the fuck are you going Jayce???

OOoooh the husks are watching- glad they're not attacking!! Which I think may have to do with Viktor?

42. YAY Ekko got Powder to help him and Heimerdinger with the HexTech crystal shards!! :D

43. Yay they're making progress!! Also I think Ekko just went back in time a little- oh yep yeah definitely

44. Well fuck that's definitely a way to know the limit being 4 seconds ajfjsjfjsjf

45. OOOH AND THERE'S SILCO! Weird eye thing going on but still Silco

46. And now Ekko made it awkward ajdjsjfjdkfk BRO IT'S A DIFFERENT UNIVERSE- like yeah obviously that's the fucking case with the eye Ekko don't bring up past trauma you're probably not even supposed to know about here

47. OOoooh and there's Powder making an entrance!! At least her and Jinx got that in common

48. Awww Powder and Ekko being adorable as fuck rn ahdhajgisjgu

49. YOO KISS TIME LESSGOOOOO

50. Fuckin flash banged by the change to Jayce in the post apocalyptic world from that wholesome moment ajfhsjfhsjfj

51. Well- looks like Jayce found his alternate universe self, dead- but still definitely him- at least I think- cuz that husk is I believe holding this universe's version of his hammer????? Oh yep definitely his hammer

52. OH THAT WHITE CLOAKED FIGURE HAS TO BE VIKTOR- IDK IF IT'S THIS ALTERNATIVE APOCALYPTIC UNIVERSE'S OR THE MAIN VIKTOR AFTER HIS DEATH BUT I REALLY HOPE IT'S VIKTOR

And if so- yep Viktor is definitely implying here that Jayce needs to kill main Viktor

53. AND WE GOT MAIN EKKO IN HIS ARCANE (Main universe in this case) LOOK AGAIN FUCK YEAH

Alrighty and that concludes this Live Reaction of episode 7!! Or in other words the first episode of season 2 act 3!! :D

Gonna probably go eat something then get back to watch the next episode

[ilikeyoshi]

yknow what i had an epiphany this morning. i think a lot of the "older ppl treating kids like they're stupid assholes" problem comes from the well-intentioned place of, as we get older, we DO learn and grow, and when we are older than a given person we want to reassure that younger person that like, listen, you'll survive this, or you'll figure this out, or so on.

and because it's coming from good intentions a lot of adults just don't realize it's not actually that useful to kids or teens or early twenties ppl who need to be heard and listened to and helped NOW. especially because when we were younger, everything felt like dismissal, if not derision, but now we're older and we think we're being reassuring and helping younger people learn perspective.

but i can tell you it still looks like derision on the outside, and i bet you anything a ton of the adults who treated us like shit thought they were helping too. "it gets better," "it takes practice," "you'll figure it out," is all like, TRUE, but when you're 5 or 12 or 18 or 21 it doesn't address anything going on RIGHT NOW. around like, 26, "it gets better" started TO be helpful to me because i'd lived through enough shit that this is a real, tangible, proven fact, and not just something i have to trust even though it FEELS abstract and frankly doesn't actually do anything to help me with a problem Right Now.

like. you know how so many people genuinely don't expect to live past 16, then 18, 22, etc? i think this is a big factor into why it usually kinda stops after 22-25, because, well, you HAVE lived every time, and you HAVE found the truth in it gets better, you'll figure it out, etc. but before that it feels insurmountable. and frankly, for a lot of people, it IS insurmountable. youth suicide rates are absolutely insane.

i think i can see this bigger picture mostly because i've just thought about it a lot, because the shift from "everyone i know agrees we'll never treat kids the way adults treated us" to "why are all these decent, compassionate people treating kids like shit?" was so jarring and apparent to me, but if i dig deeper i've fallen for a lot of little traps too. it used to annoy the shit out of me when younger people disregarded anything i said, until i stopped and realized all i WAS saying was, "it gets better," and not only does that not help or solve anything Right Now, but it (not inaccurately) implies that this isn't a Real Problem, it'll solve itself, you'll be fine. and that feels so belittling and demeaning and dismissive when you're younger and you just haven't lived through as much shit yet. i remember being told shit like this! it feels like no one cares. it feels like i'm not Allowed to be hurt or upset or angry until i'm old enough that any problems i still have become real to other adults. it SUCKS.

and ironically i figured out why this kind of reassurance—which has its place and is absolutely useful and good in the right contexts!!—sucks when you need help or relief NOW through a friend who was going through something i went through when i was 13. like. to me, this was already proven as Things People Can Survive, but to my friend, this was the first time it was happening. this had never BEEN survived by them before. they were almost 30 when we had this conversation!

and it made me realize how patronizing and useless "it gets better" sounds when you've never even SEEN better yet, and even if you had, what good is "better later" when you're hurting now? i think kids get SO MUCH "it gets better" and not nearly enough "help now" that of course it feels like dismissal and excuses and resentment. and if we as the adults who have survived things aren't careful, it CAN literally at its core BE those things. it sure was for me!

edited to add: like i think the biggest thing i see happening is kids being treated like stupid dramatic jerks for Feeling Things. and i think a lot of these kids would be a lot more receptive if they were ever told, "hey, the feelings matter. even if in 5 years this doesn't hurt anymore, it hurts now, and that deserves to be acknowledged and helped now." like that'd often what i wanted at least. i almost didn't care if it stopped being hard later, it's hard NOW, it hurts NOW. you survived it, great, how do i survive it? what did you DO to survive it? what would you do differently to survive it now that you're older?

[foggyparadisecandy]

I used to be a sarcastic prick when I was younger. I've really tried to shake it in favor of a more authentic version of myself.

I believe strongly that the only way life really works, the only way to have truly deep and meaningful relationships, is to be open and authentic.

It's why trust is so important to me. It's why RULE 0 of my relationships with partners online is "always speak our truths, even if we feel it will hurt the other person."

I think it's so critical.

It also frames things up so that each party doesn't put the other person in a position where they feel a lie is the best answer.

It's hard shit. It takes work. It takes a leap of faith to be able to speak your truth and feel you will be heard and not shut down.

But it builds deep relationships.

What's my point? Well, I already made it.

I have the advantage of experience and years to know that a hard truth is a better path than a lie or evasion. Maybe not always ... I get that ... but certainly it's true usually.

I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I am ... reserved ... to say the least. But people who know me closely know I am who I say I am. And if I give you my love, you have my love.

It takes a lot for me to pull it back from someone.

I've gotten a lot of grief over this stance but ... life is messy, people are messy, relationships are infinitely complicated things.

When you have someone in your life who is decent, kind, caring, well ... when they fuck up - and ... we're all people ... we ALL fuck up from time to time - well there is an absolute grace in forgiveness.

It's grace for them, yeah. But also for you.

Forgiving someone else is a form of openness and authenticity. You are saying "hey, I'm going to let this thing go because I trust you and your character. I know who you are. I know you made a mistake and it's ok. And I'm truting you to do the same when I fuck up. Now let's go hang out together and put that shit behind us."

Of course, if the damage keeps happening then ... well ... only you can decide when things get to be too much. I think forgiveness is still essential but there isn't much point in keeping someone around who keeps fucking you over the same way again and again.

And let's face it ... some people seem to be addicted to feeling bad about themselves and saying "I'm sorry" to beat themselves up.

Only you can decide how much you are going to give of yourself to help them grow and get over that shit.

I still believe in my four principles (in order of importance): FORGIVE YOURSELF LOVE YOURSELF FORGIVE OTHERS LOVE OTHERS

I think they are a solid bedrock for good living.

Personally I've always lived them backwards even though I preach them in the order above. My recent breakup has lit a fire under my ass to finally embrace the philosophy in the correct order.

It's hard shit but we'll see where it goes.

I forgive myself for anything I screwed up with my recent partner. It certainly wasn't intentional and I know I did my best.

I love myself and have stopped beating myself up and feeling miserable over things. Even though I am desperately concerned for her well-being and miss her horribly, I'm taking care of myself now. I need to resume living ... without her, which sucks but is what it is.

I forgive her. This is extremely easy for me. I honestly appreciate everything we shared. Even the lessons here at the end ... painful as they have been have taught me some great things. I owe her gratitude. And I wish her the best.

I love her deeply. It's backed away from the dangerous, overly hot insane love but at my core, I have a deep abiding love for her. I hope some day she remembers who I am and my character and realizes that I would be a good person in her life. But in the end, it doesn't change my feelings for her.

Anyway ... life goes on, right? What can you do but your best.

I'm here. Doing my best. Adjusting to something a bit dimmer than it was before her presence but hope springs eternal. There is more to life than her and what we had together.

I do admit that I ... am ... very concerned for her. I just need to put it away though.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Lots of trances queued up over the next three weeks. Hope you all enjoy them.

[popculturebuffet]

For the second half of the bonus Cartoon Network Studios produced stuff (being miniseries, Adult Swim stuff, and Max stuff), favorite character from: Over the Garden Wall, Long Live the Royals, Primal, Black Dynamite (Technically they produced only season 2), JJ Villard's Fairy Tales, Adventure Time Distant Lands, Close Enough, Unicorn Warriors Eternal ( I hear it was supposed to be for Cartoon Network until it got moved to Adult Swim), and Fionna & Cake?

I appricate you finding new ones of these to do. Okay we can skip Long Live the Royals, Primal (Though I have a high opinon of what animation i've seen from it I just procastinate), and JJ Villard.

Over the Garden Wall: I never finished this one back in the day but I did love it's moody atmosphere. It's excellent stuff. My faviorite character was the lead kid Wirt. Elijah Wood did a fantastic job.

Black Dynamite: DYNO-MYTE, DYNO-MYTE: That frog Curtis. He's a fucked up kermit parody. I.. really need to cover that episode and it's sequel. As for the show I loved it. Still do and need to rewatch it. It perfectly captures the charm of the film and takes it one step further, while also having a lot of neat points about black culture my white ass never knew about. IT also has Richard Nixon as it's main antagonist, what's not to love?

Adventure Time Distant Lands: I've only seen Obsidan and Together Again, both absolute bangers. The former gives us allt he gay we'd been missing and is a truly touching tale with some truly awesome music, while Together Again is the finale we deserved and serves as a nice evergreenf inale: they can keep the franchise going, but this serves as a proper finale to the series core. A lot of the cast isn't present.. but that's okay with me. It's the end of FINN'S life and afterlife, and his story. The others don't seem to be over just yet.

Close Enough: Alex. I made no secret of it during the shows running and make even less of one now it's dead and sadly buried. I love Jason Mantzokus in most things and while his viking obession never clicked, I related to a harry man not being quite where he wants to be in his life whose kind of a disater. More of one than me but still. This show is one of my faviortes of the 2020's and if I make it to the end of this cursed decade, and do a proper best shows of the decade list, it'll likely stay that way. It was the best evolution of regular show possible, a spiritual sequel scooting the premise ahead, going from 20 somethings dicking around to late 30 somethings trying to deal with the stress of adult life: a complicated divorce, raising a child, and having to rescue said child from a birthday dimension and talk to a Kate Miccui present monster that makes out with the dimensions god when you leave. So fairly relatable grounded adult scenarios.. still given the insane JG Quintel touch: from logans run as a night club, to your papa having to both help you escape hell and explain why you shoudln't fear the hosptial, to a small child conquering her pre school and turning it into a post apocalypse because of breakfast for dinner. It was a true masterpiece and should be remembered.

Unicorn Warriors eternal: I need to go back and finish this one as I only watched three episodes but it';s a gorgeous, unique fun as hell series with a great premise. Faviorite character is hard to say with what little iv'e seen.

Fionna and Cake: Simon. Loved him in the og and tom kenny really gets to flex. I loved this show. It made a few slots on my best of list last year and will likely do so again whenever season 2 drops, as even with me shortening it from 20 to 12, it's still a standout. An emotional story about accepting your life where you are and not wallowing in your regrets, that creatively uses the what if scnearios to create a ton of good worlds, from a seeming swap with a sinister secret to seeing what it'd be like if the lich really won. It's a masterpiece and I look forward to seeing how they follow this up.

Also since we're in the cn lands and I don't THINK we've done this one yet.. why not adult swim? It's original shows and some of it's aquireid shows.. i.e. make sure mission hill and the oblongs are included as while fox shows, they feel more like Adult Swim. Baby blues

[qcomicsy]

Oh wow I really need to hop up on this one.

Not only the Avengers are a team made by the government and it's most of the time regulated by the government, their dynamics couldn't be more different.

JLA is based on insane levels of trust, community and mutual respect, even on their worst fights you rarely see them crossing a line, or getting back at each other. Avengers on the other side had so many nasty fights that shook their team to the core, that there were times their interactions were just downright painful to see.

JLA prefer to draw a really hard line between their personal lives and hero lives, going as deep as protecting their secret identity no matter what and very rarely minding each other's business (with the exception of close relationships they developed with eachother outside the JLA). Each one has a city or a place to protect and it's absolutely unthinkable to dictate how the other should do things.

And it's really funny how some people complain about how JLA act just as coworkers, when it's literally the fact they're so strict in dealing with hero business as coworkers that makes the JLA work so well as an organization. A situation like the Civil War would be really fucking doubtful to happen with the JLA team, because their whole superhero community (and agenda) is built under a strict code of reliability and work, first, personal matters second. If someone, anyone isn't trustful enough to work as a hero despite his personal life they shouldn't be aloud to work with them case, point, period.

You really don't see JLA just jumping on and welcoming a mercenary, hitman (woman? person?) or a ex-villain as an actual member. They might team up with them, but to actually get an invite you would need much more credit, then a will to do better, on your behalf.

Avengers on the other hand, being much more government focused and skill focused, (when we're speaking of missions and membership) are much more open to receive any kind of help that might be useful at the moment. Which is good if you think about the second chances they gave to people who needed (literally half of their team and the others who just worked for a short period of time or in small missions), but it's also not that good because the trust between them has broken off much more often and the uh-oh hydra/betrayal moments are also much more common.

Avengers also have a problem of mixing their interpersonal relationships with their super hero career (specially because most of them don't have secret identity's and even so they're are actual participant's of eachother personal lives almost all the time). While, when yo think about it JLA is much more cold and unpersonal, a really "my personal life and solo career isn't of your concern" type of deal and like can you imagine an avenger saying that to each other?? Impossible. They would immediately square up in the moment, mow if an JLA member says that, the other (no matter how pissed off they might be) would just endure shrugging off and going "well yeah you're right".

They also are mostly centered on New York, only one city when JLA has much more broad concept (which help with the unpersonal thing).

Now what you said about genuine is really interesting though. Because with the Avengers this thought is complicated. The JLA was made with the desire of save people in a much broader aspect, as a team and with organization. Pretty much every JLA member (except idk Booster? And even him eventually changed his mind) hopped off with this mindset, a hero mindset.

But, again not every Avenger was born a hero. Most of them had very different upbringings from the JLA, and most of them (thanks to the Marvel militar propaganda) has militar background or similar that kinda prevented them to have a normal life in the first place. So if we actually had to think about "why" and if it's genuine, we had to go to each one individually.

Like maybe Black Widow didn't hop on because she wanted to be a hero and save the inoccent, but she did wanted to be different, to make a difference. Same thing with Deadpool when he worked with them for a while. Does that counts as being as much valuable as chosing from your heart and desire to be someone people can count with as a hero? Idk depends on the person really.

The thing is, that all things considered, when you stop to analyze their teams and the people on it the more you understand how different they are and how different they work. How Avengers is more like a work project that a teacher keeps assigning and reassigning to them and they have to go along with it and the JLA is much more a independent movement that works with it's on organization and rules. How the people on Marvel tends on trust the Avengers way less than people on DC trusts the JLA and the Government (kinda. It depends which run you're reading) trusts the Avengers way more than it trusts the JLA. How personal heroes like Spider Man and Daredevil avoid working with the Avengers or have their own team, while almost every DC hero is part of JLA. How Spies, Mercenaries, Ex-Villains are common (half) Avengers and if you mentioned that on a JLA meeting Batman himself would study you in a chamber. How hero's are kind a "new" thing in the Marvel universe but in the DC they have been around for centures.

One of my biggest pet peeves is the justice league being labelled as " The Avengers of DC" and its like. No? The avengers are law enforcement. The Justice League are volunteers

[ltcolonelcarter]

Heyo, it’s me !!!

I’m literally DYING to learn your top soundtrack list, the conversations we’ve had have given me nothing but absolute satisfaction and I’m looking forward to having more material to yell about 👀<333 please go WILD it can get ad long as you want I’ll read it and listen to it ALL

STRIKE UP THE BAND (PART ONE OF FOUR)

let me preface this by saying I have so damn many favourites that I will inevitably forget MANY of them. I'm coasting purely on ✨vibes✨ here. this will be chaos.

elias -- person of interest / ramin djawadi i tried not to put this one first. i truly did. it is INEVITABLE. now I've linked other tracks by djawadi before bc I am physically incapable of not loving his work, but THIS ONE MAKES ME WANNA BREAK BRICKS OVER MY HEAD. the scene was glorious, and the music perfectly captures it. the scene is a massive spoiler for s1 so if that's not your jam then go careful. the harsher strings at 1:20, and the build to the 2min mark?? I'm BREAKING STUFF. i'm not sure if my attachment started with the music or the scene or a combination but I don't care to detangle them, to be quite frank, i'm happy going absolutely insane forever over it a kind word and a friendly face -- the sandman / david buckley i'm cackling a lil at myself bc of COURSE there had to be something from sandman here. i'm nothing if not predictable. and of course I had to pick death's theme. we're going to pointedly ignore the fact i'm in love with her and focus INSTEAD on how beautifully soft her theme is, how gentle and warm, how serene. I always know a piece of music is special when I have to pause what i'm watching to process what I've heard, and this was that. the scene let the music take centre stage too, which I find is remarkably rare, and i appreciate it so much. its sentiment is crying, but not as mourning, as the deepest, most heartfelt love. it's bittersweet grief. a sad parting with someone beloved. i'm not crying you're crying last man standing -- the order: 1886 / jason graves OHOHOHOH THIS ONE. okay so IF you do end up playing this game, I need to know. this is from the final scene and let me tell you when I say it HURTS i mean it HURTS. the start is lovely, matches the rest of the score with some tremulous notes to show the conflict--a little of galahad's theme in there too, but then the low stuff starts, and internally i am SCREAMING bc i know that's coming. this game annoyed so many people for being short but it was an incredible, short window into a rich and dark world full of tension and war, and at the two minute mark you feel it come back down to the people. it narrows its cope back down to the emotional core of the piece and i will never forgive them for making me watch this scene and hear this music and feel inevitability the way they made me feel it.

beyond the horizon -- a plague tale: innocence / olivier derivière time for that ORGAN MUSIC NOW I could link half of this score, to be honest, and several of its tracks (+related ones) are in my honourable mentions list, so I don't overload this one. this slow progression in this one absolutely floors me every time. the heartbeat type percussion at two minutes is strong enough to rip my heart from my chest. the vocals that join a minute later sound as I leave my body. this track is a slow and weary march towards a terrifying, eclipsed future, bright sun blocked by the obstacles between the present and safety. it's putting one foot in front of the other anyway, and holding out a shaking hand for the people that walk with you. if i never hear this performed live at dusk in the bleak autumn, candlelight teasing and chasing the shadows...sigh i'm going to stop waxing poetic whatever comes -- horizon: forbidden west / oleska lozowchuk i have a weirdly hard time picking a favourite track from horizon, both forbidden west and zero dawn, because they all blend together--not in a bland kind of way, in a way that makes it feel like a place, not a sound. this one is a track I keep coming back to because it's so so lovely. aloy's theme interwoven with the main game theme...the machine theme....I'm back there right now........

[mexashepot]

Count me in as another middle-right who voted left because what the actual fuck. And yes I agree, the left is notorious for being elitists full of ego, that's one of the reasons I couldn't bring myself to vote for them in my youth. The current situation reminds me of 2016 USA 2.0 and it boggles my mind that our left had not learned any lessons from that time. And I personally blame social media, especially tiktok, for radicalizing so many people in the last year. Also, I don't get why anyone would think that after all this time bibi is the right choice for security? Did people forget tzuk eitan? And the huge wave of terrorism that followed? What did bibi do to make the lives of citizens and soldiers safer back then?

100% to everything you have said basically.

I am too old to be familiar with tiktok so I'll take your word for it.

Bibi does not care about anything or anyone besides saving his ass, hasn't for YEARS. He was never was 'Mr. Security' as he likes himself to be. The terror tunnels were discovered in tsuk eitan thanks to Bennet, despite Bibi. And it's absolutely insane to me how the far-right endorses him in the belief that he will not למסור אדמות when hello, he fucking voted for the התנתקות? Shouldn't be that against your very core of beliefs, far-righties? But they have no beliefs except for following their tsar and hating everyone who dares to either be different or think different, god forbid we criticise their cult. Hell, he literally caused shomer ha'xomot, including all its victims just to save his throne to avoid prison, yet these people believe he will grant them security. Darlings, the only things he wishes to secure are his own ass and bank account.

I don't think it's just our no longer existent left's (yehi zixro barux) fault though. It is the fault of each and everyone of us for letting this happen. 40% or so of the population voted to rid the remaining 60% of their own rights, and we let that happen.

It is also the sane right's fault. Let's face the elephant in the room: the vast majority of our compatriots have right-wing opinions on security issues. I'd say that is at least 60% of the population. And - controversial opinion time - I don't think it's only online incitement's fault, but also our reality's, particularly, the 2nd int*fada, the traumas of which have NEVER been even addressed, yet alone dealt with. The generation who grew up to buses, cafes, restaurants etc. being blown up, is now in it's 20's & 30's, and these traumas guide their political opinions. Many of them though have liberal opinions on other issues - lgbt rights, women's rights, even minority rights (they are not necessarily hateful as much as fearful, and that is something I think can be reduced through communication, education etc.) and ESPECIALLY secularism, but most importantly, they do not hate those who think differently. Where is their political representation? Where is the sane, non-bibist right that wants to live in a liberal democracy (a deeply flawed one with their security views, but nonetheless a free one) and that acknowledges the right of others to think differently? Many, many such people exist, who are conservative on security issues, but liberal on social ones, but they have no political representation. Nobody tried to fill that vacuum, and we're now reaping the results.

If a sane, pragmatic right wing that catered to these people's political needs existed, and if we had a non-elitist left wing that put the country above their egos, we would not be here. Hell, I don't even think we'd be in such a political chaos, since such parties could form a coalition together, and yeah they would not agree on 20% of the issues but they would agree on the remaining 80%, ממשלות אחדות have always been a thing. That would not only grant us some stability and maybe even prosperity (financial, social) but it could have helped heal such a divided nation.

But there are no sane right parties and there are no non-elitist left parties to represent these groups of voters that definitely exist, and this is why we're where we are.

64 mandates voted for a מדינת הלכה, yet I highly doubt all 64 of them want us to become the Jewish Iran. Around 15 of them, yes, sure, but not the remaining 49.

This would not have happened if saner and wiser political parties existed.

Even prior to the elections themselves (yet alone seeing the results), I considered these elections to be the choice between idiots and fascists. Needless to say, I chose the idiots. But I think we can do better than this. Or at least we could. Now I am not sure of anything that is not completely negative.

[ohwereusingourmadeupnames]

Domestic fluff, with mechanic, silver fox, soft Tony married to professor Peter. Throw in any other trope we're both obsessed with lol

The Way You Hold Me 

Pairing: Peter Parker/Tony Stark Rating: Mature Notes: Holy. It has been a hot minute since I’ve put fingers to keyboard. I’m so stoked that S’s prompt is the one to pull me out of my slump. I’m a sucker for silver fox Tony & finally couldn’t resist. This is pure, tooth-rotting fluff, so I hope you’re up for some sweetness! Word Count: ~5K Warnings: There’s a bit of smexy in there, but it’s not that detailed. The rest is just indulgence of the love-dovey kind. 

Read on AO3 here

To say that Tony was hooked from the very start would’ve been a huge understatement.

Despite never laying eyes on Professor Peter Parker, Tony found himself completely overwhelmed with that obsessive sort of feeling he got when things sparked his interest. The words in their email exchanges were more than enough to draw him in – he could openly admit that strong character and a whip smart brain totally got him going. If his witty words and bright ideas weren’t enough, a quick Google search put the final nail in the coffin. Big brains and immense beauty – who was he to deny the attractiveness in that situation?

When the opportunity presented itself, Tony navigated his way around NYU’s campus, practically jumping on the chance to finally meet the notorious Professor Parker in person. He made his way leisurely through throngs of students until he found the not so surprisingly crowded lecture hall. If professors were as attractive as Professor Parker during his school days, he might’ve paid a bit more attention. Unlike most classes, each student seemed to be completely entranced by the information – or the man at the front of the room presenting it.

Tony rarely got the chance to observe someone else while working – most people that knew about his shop knew about his impeccable brains and talent; which meant a lot of the spectating happened while he worked. Flipping the norm on its head proved to be incredibly delightful – Peter Parker could hold the entire room’s attention without even trying. And man did he know his shit! He spoke about mechanics and fluid dynamics like they were extended pieces of himself, not convoluted theories riddled with mathematical explanations. If he weren’t already taking giant leaps towards infatuation, the time spent watching the professor lecture surely would send him spiraling in that direction.

For a brief instant toward the end of his lecture, Tony caught Professor Parker looking at him. Their eyes met and held for what felt like eons, the other man’s cocoa colored irises were stunning and seemed to become more so the longer Tony looked. A moment of recognition flashed in those deep eyes before he turned back to the class and continued to talk about fluid pumps like nothing happened.

By the end of the lecture, Tony knew a couple of things with absolute certainty – Peter Parker was the most gorgeous person (in every single way) on the planet, and he would do absolutely anything necessary to find a place for him in his life. Though he was getting ahead of himself, Tony could feel the rightness of the situation down to his very core – there weren’t many people who could spark a reaction in him, let alone one that moved him to action. He forced himself to calm down as a flood of students started to pile out of the room, each one looking at him with a mix of suspicion and appreciation – he forewent the hat that morning, so his longer salt and pepper hair stood proudly on display. Even he knew the appeal of that silver fox look.

A soft throat clearing brought Tony back from his contemplative state – he blinked a few times to orient himself before turning towards the noise.

Bright eyes on him had him once again stopping in his tracks; Peter Parker the man looked totally different than the lecturer standing in front of him only moments before. The owlish, almost nerdy look was replaced with a soft smirk and clear, knowing eyes. “Tony Stark, as I live and breathe. I would’ve happily met you at my office.” Peter didn’t seem to blink as he spoke, those eyes following every one of Tony’s minuet movements.

Tony knew in that instant – he wasn’t the only genius predator in that room.

Running a hand through long strands, Tony shifted his feet just enough to lean against one of the chairs closest to him. “I thought I’d catch you in your natural habitat. Even I know professors are never in their offices,” Tony remarked, his words light and just the slightest bit flirty. “Seeing you in action is much more informative than any meeting in your office would’ve been, anyway.”

Peter’s answer came in the form of a face splitting smile, the whites of his teeth showing through the stretch of soft lips. “You’re an actions speak louder than words guy – I like that.”

Grinning, Tony closed the distance between them, his feet carrying him in a manner that he never experienced before. It was as if the inches that separated them were causing physical pain, like if he didn’t get within touching distance that instant, Tony might actually combust. Now toe to toe, Tony stuck his hand out to shake, a daring look on his face. “Actions are the only thing that count in this muddled world, Professor Parker.”

And just like that, a bond developed between them. Aside from working on the research they cultivated over the past few months, Tony found himself seeking Peter’s company out as much as possible. For a little while, he made up lame work-related excuses – Peter was insanely dedicated to their joint academic pursuits and gladly came whenever Tony posed a question. As time trickled on, the questions and requests became increasingly less academic and much more personal. Instead of meeting at the campus library, Tony brought Peter to the big office he kept in the shop or the sanctuary of his kitchen. Slowly but surely, topics moved from engine parts to hobbies and ambitions. Much like the rebuild of a classic car, their steps towards something else were filled with anticipation and an overall feeling of contentment.

Instead of infatuation, Tony started to recognize the floaty feeling as love – the active process of falling into it much less frightening than he initially figured. Despite what the forty-nine-year-old knew about his previous “loves”, Tony found himself learning something new about the topic on a daily basis. Never before did he find someone’s coffee making ritual as endearing as the repetitional process that Peter went through. For the first time in his life, Tony understood what it meant to love every part of a person, not just a few individual pieces that made up the whole.

When they finally took the step towards realizing their love for each other, Tony jumped in headfirst. Being the ridiculously professional academic that he was, Peter didn’t want to mix any sort of business with pleasure, so they waited what felt like several long months to even think about anything other than friendship. Throughout those months, Tony wore out fantasy after delicious fantasy about what having Peter next to him would be like – how his ink-stained hands would feel on bare skin, how plush lips would press against his own. In all the ways, Tony tried to picture Peter as his.

Yet, nothing he pictured even came close.

The first time Peter kissed him, Tony was utterly unprepared for it. Upon their article being published, Tony and Peter planned to celebrate with a home cooked meal in Tony’s surprisingly well stocked kitchen. Throughout their time together, cooking dinner and hanging around the kitchen’s island with a glass of wine in hand became second nature to them – the whole ritual like a deep breath of fresh air after the long days both men waded through on a constant basis. Yet, this time, Tony could feel a crackle in the air – whether it was wishful thinking or fact, he wasn’t quite sure.

As they moved around each other seamlessly, Tony felt himself relaxing in a way that only happened when Peter was around. Instead of anxiety and a never-ending slew of thoughts, a clear head and empty spaces opened up around him. The comfort in Peter’s presence lulled him into a state that, until meeting the man, Tony didn’t know he could achieve. Which is why he was thrown off guard when a firm hand wrapped around his upper arm. Setting down the knife he’d been masterfully chopping vegetables with, he turned his body in Peter’s direction, the touch on his bare skin producing a sensation that sent tingles down to the very tips of his toes.

“What’s up – “ Tony started to say before the softest lips were pressing against his own. Whatever question he wanted to ask flew from his mind, the pressure of warmth and the delicate feeling of getting what he wanted, finally, overtook him. Leaning into the kiss, Tony tilted his head and returned it to the best of his ability – chances like this didn’t come by often and he sure as hell wasn’t one to let them pass him by. His own hand moved restlessly until it found the curve of Peter’s hip; the fingers there dug into jean and fabric and the slightest hint of what could only be warm, smooth skin.

Though it felt like just a second, Tony’s chest was heaving when they finally pulled away from each other. Without much thought, he renewed the grip on Peter’s hip and brought him back in for another kiss, the pressing issue of a lack of oxygen not even registering. Behind closed eyelids, he only saw, felt, and wanted the divine press of lip against lip – if he could live in this singular moment, all would be right in the world.

It was Peter who finally broke away, the redness in his cheeks sending a rush of some unnamed feeling down the length of Tony’s limbs. It felt electric, like shockwaves traveling across the surface of his skin. Sucking in a breath, Tony forced himself to look up and take in the melted chocolate of Peter’s stunning eyes. The black of his pupil practically overran the rich, dark brown, yet the color stood out even more because of that. The compulsion to reach out and touch Peter’s face rushed through him – the thought of more of that warm skin under his hands completely entrancing. Instead, he dug his fingers further into Peter’s hip, the bottom of his shirt riding up with ever clenching gesture.

“I’ve wanted to do that for months. Months, Tony,” Peter mumbled, his words still colored by the slightest pant of breath. The touch of his hand shifted up his arm, those long fingers settling on the naked skin on the back of Tony’s neck like they belonged there (they did). Slight callouses on the palm of Peter’s hand reminded him of the depth of the professor’s knowledge and experience – the roughness there spoke of words written with restless hands and technical brilliance brought about by steady, knowledgeable limbs. Unable to resist, Tony leaned into the touch, his entire being tuned in to the warm caress.

Leaning forward slightly, Tony brushed the tip of his nose against Peter’s, a soft sigh leaving his lips. So many times, he thought about this very moment and the reality of it couldn’t possibly be predicted – everything about Peter seemed like a surprise; every second they spent together another adventure, another excitement added to the list of things to LOVE about Professor Parker. The answering gasp of air against his lips had Tony pressing forward again, their lips meeting in a barely there caress.

“Now you don’t ever have to stop,” Tony finally managed to drag his lips away from Peter’s to mumble. “In fact – I hope you don’t. I really, really, really hope.”

Luckily, Peter hadn’t planned to. For weeks after that night, they flirted through shared time in the kitchen, and teased each other throughout tv show binges and candlelit dinners. No matter what they did, Tony ended the night with a writhing Peter Parker on his lap. With every second spent together, Tony tried to absorb everything he could about the man – how his hands felt gripping around his neck, the way his thighs flexed and clenched with the subtle roll of his hips – hell, even the way the taste in his mouth changed when things went from gentle and tame to overtly arousing. Many times, he wished he were a better writer – the ache Tony felt to document his findings was entirely too overwhelming.

Little by little, they crept towards what could only be considered to be something serious. There was no longer the pretense of academic pursuits to stop them from stepping out into the New York night life together – their dates took on a whole new nature when Tony realized just how well Professor Parker could clean up. It only took one night of Peter’s well-tailored ass dancing against him to know that demanding outings exactly like that one was absolutely necessary for his survival – and ever growing libido

Said libido spent a long time in self-induced isolation and took the magic of Peter Parker to reignite whatever passion seemed to be lacking earlier in his life. Up until the supple curves of his favorite professor sat in the palms of his hands, Tony struggled with the ease of intimacy – his brain ran a mile a minute and couldn’t often slow down enough to thoroughly enjoy the greatness of human contact. Yet, when Peter held him, touched him – something happened; the rest of the world sort of faded away, everything narrowed down to the lightest stroke and talented caress.

And despite the wild flame that seared between them, it still took four months of heavy petting and sleepovers on the couch after too much making out to finally fall into bed together. Tony knew – with every piece of himself – that the second he gave himself to Peter, there was no going back. Whatever addiction he willingly cultivated during their time together teetered on a precarious edge between not enough and too much. Physical intimacy would smash that cliff in half, leaving Tony with an inability to separate himself from the overwhelming feelings Peter made him feel.

Yet, when the moment finally came, every second of it felt righter than Tony thought possible. They didn’t tumble into the room in a tattered state of “can’t wait” and “right now”. Instead, Tony slowly unwrapped the present that a jean-clad Peter Parker presented. His lips mapped the route from a delightfully long neck to cut shoulders, then down from nipple to nipple, and lower – the soft hair leading down to lean hips and a gorgeous cock got more attention than either of them anticipated.

Between the dizzy effect of Peter’s moans and the effort to remember each of Peter’s moans, Tony almost forgot how he found himself two fingers deep in the tightest ass he could recall feeling. His cock, which brushed teasingly against Peter’s thigh, twitched with anticipation with every thrust – the tight clench around them was going to feel spectacular around his incredibly touch starved dick.

Clearing his mind of the more heady thoughts, Tony worked a third finger into Peter’s tight heat – the ability to control himself was slowly crumbling, each second that passed felt like one too many – the need to satiate his overwhelming craving hit him in the chest from one touch to the next.

Long fingers gripped his forearm, forcing his attention away from the pulse and stretch of the warm tightness around him. Tony looked up, his eyes seeking Peter’s without thought.

“I’m ready, Tony. I need you to fuck me. I can’t wait – don’t make me.” Peter’s grip tightened as each word slipped from his lips.

Sucking in much needed air, Tony moved until he could comply – his entire body thrummed with anticipation, his ability to wait seemed to fly out the window in that moment, too. He shifted to pull the bedside table drawer open, but he was stopped again by the hand still clutching his forearm.

“Just you, Tony.”

They locked eyes again, a silent conversation happening between them before Tony nodded, the outstretched hand finding Peter’s hip, instead. With the other, he uncapped the lube and poured a good amount straight on his heat-flushed cock, the cold of it pulling a pulse from him, a small bead of precum forming at the tip. Tony forced himself to take in a deep breath, the touch of his hand as he spread the sticky substance over sensitive skin reminding him how close he actually was. It wouldn’t do to finally be getting what he wanted and not last – he wanted, craved, desired the best of the best for Peter – with him, even.

Another quick shift had him pinning Peter on the bed below him, the forearm of his right arm pressed tightly against Peter’s shoulder – there wasn’t any space between them. When he finally pushed in, Tony let out a noise he never heard before – especially from himself. The moan radiated around the room, wrapping both him and Peter up in the delicacy of pure pleasure and steady connection. “Fuck, Pete – “ Tony couldn’t help but babble, his entire core clenching as he finally, finally bottomed out.

For all the time spent anticipating, Tony didn’t have any sort of word or feeling to describe what being connected to Peter was like. His strong thighs wrapped tightly around Tony’s waist, the muscles squeezing with every thrust – almost like he dreaded the slide out just as much as Tony. The tip of his cock nailed Peter’s prostate with every cleverly angled shift of his hips, the feeling on both ends bringing a new sense of bliss to the situation.

Though he tried to keep his shit together, Tony felt the coil in his stomach spin up uncontrollably, the inevitable end racing towards him without any of his permission. Picking up his pace, Tony untangled their joint limbs just enough to slip his hand between them, his work roughened fingers wrapped tightly around Peter’s cock to time his tight strokes with the movement of his hips.

The wet feeling of Peter’s release splashing against his fingers pulled Tony over the edge, the loud breaths and drawn out moans of the other’s orgasm a tantalizing soundtrack to his overwhelming peak.

He couldn’t remember losing the ability to hold himself up, but moments later, he resurfaced to find his chest pressed tightly against Peter’s with sweaty fingers brushing through his long, graying locks.

“Wow.” Tony whispered after a while, his nose finding its way to the crook of Peter’s neck. He pressed soft kisses and took in long, deep breaths – Peter’s normal scent was something more now, the undertones of it carrying the slightest hint of the cinnamon Tony himself carried around. A slow smile pulled across his lips at the thought – they were both forever changed now, each one another integral piece of the other.

Instead of answering, Peter tightened his grip around Tony, his soft lips pressing kiss after kiss against skin still slicked with sweat.

A while later, they tumbled out of bed and cleaned up in the shower, both men unwilling to put more space between them than necessary after such a powerful experience. Tony reveled in his ability to touch and caress as he washed hot water warmed skin, and then later when Peter crawled into his arms and settled against his chest under the plushness of soft sheets. He let the contentment of it carry him to the cusp of sleep.

Right before he let his eyes close, Tony felt a kiss pressed to the side of his neck and Peter moving impossibly closer. “I love you, Tony,” Peter mumbled against his skin, the sleepiness in his voice making the words sound so fucking special.

Blinking, Tony tightened his hold, his fingers running in smooth patterns up and then back down the length of Peter’s back. “I love you, too. So much.”

----

Eight months later, Tony found himself right back where things started; his eyes took in the entirety of the lecture hall with fond affection. He got to campus a little earlier than usual, his excitement at getting to see Peter too much for him to handle back at the shop. Instead of fretting in the car, he stretched his long legs in a walk across campus. By instinct, or maybe nostalgic intervention, Tony got to Peter’s building without thought – he shook his head at himself, but walked through the doors, anyway. Sucking in the familiar smell that Peter brought back to the apartment every day, Tony kept walking until he was able to take a seat at the back of the overfull amphitheater.

Despite not making any noise as he walked in, Peter glanced up at him, the softest smile slipping across his lips as their eyes connected. A warm feeling sat in the bottom of his stomach – the all too familiar burn of love flaring up inside him at the look.

Never missing a beat, Peter continued through the last part of his lecture like Tony wasn’t even there. Bright whiskey colored eyes watched with fascination, the smile on his face growing with each passing minute. For a long time, Tony’s own intelligence made him feel like a social outcast – there weren’t too many of his peers that could even come close to his level of understanding. Peter, though – his brain worked in a way that Tony not only found interesting, but also wanted to know and explore in the same way he did his own. The rare treat of getting to see it in work made his heart slam in his chest – Peter was damn sexy when flawlessly controlling the classroom.

Unlike most of the students around him, Tony let out the slightest sigh of disappointment at the end of Peter’s presentation – he would’ve gladly skipped their dinner plans to hear Peter wax poetic about diesel; despite the oddity of it, Tony found Peter’s display of knowledge distractingly intriguing.

Tony went against the flow of students leaving the lecture hall to get to his boyfriend at the front of the room, a happy smile on his face as he did. When close enough to reach out and touch, Tony grabbed Peter’s hand, using his leverage to pull him into his arms. Planting a fleeting kiss on soft lips, Tony held Peter tightly to him, his eyes closing from the sensation. He would’ve gotten lost in it if it weren’t for a soft chorus of ‘awes’ that sounded from the back of the room.

“Ms. Pesto, class is over.” Peter leaned back into Tony’s hands on his back to speak to the culprit, a smirk pulling across his face. “Shut the door behind you when you go.”

Grinning, Tony leaned in to press a longer, more intense kiss on already swollen lips. “Have I ever told you how sexy you are when you’re teaching?” The question was broken up by soft kisses to Peter’s lips, cheek, and chin.

Peter shook his head in answer, a slight giggle falling from his lips. “You neglected to share that interesting piece of information.” Then, “what’s your favorite part? The way my brain works, or how good I look in these pants?”

Tony let his hands run more firmly over Peter’s ass at the comment, his pupils dilating with a sudden rush of arousal. “Most definitely all of the above,” Tony whispered, his fingers digging into the meat of a delightfully thick glute. “You’re my favorite part.”

There weren’t any more words shared between them for a few minutes, the solid weight and press of lip against lip the only thing existing in those moments. Peter forced them apart when the door opened again and a colleague started to descend the stairs. Reading the room, Tony forced himself to calm down and grabbed Peter’s bag from the desk, shouldering it before reaching out to grab Peter’s hand.

Throughout the rest of the night, Tony couldn’t stop the thoughts of how right and perfect things were – Peter drove him crazy with want, but even more importantly, love and adoring affection. For the first time in his entire life, Tony understood what it was like looking at the rest of forever. Popping the question entered his mind a few months ago, just the idea of it made him absolutely weak at the knees. Though he hadn’t given much thought to marriage before, Tony could picture it clearly with Peter – they already did so much give and take with each other, the next step just made sense.

He started to seriously think about it a couple of weeks later when Happy, one of his senior mechanics, brought up a jeweler he frequently bought things from for his own wife. “He does the best work,” Happy said, his hands already busy digging into his coveralls to snag a card from his wallet. “Tell him I sent you – he’ll hook you up.”

The card sat in his grease-covered hands reverently, the small piece of cardstock another piece to the next step with his most favorite human.

Horace, who turned out to be a gifted jeweler and a joy to be around, got him settled with a gorgeous damascus steel ring, the contrasting light and dark metals melding together to tangibly personify Tony and Peter. It was strong, yet delicate – the stunning beauty of it mellow and completely overwhelming. Walking out of the store with it made Tony feel fulfilled – with it soon, he hoped to make Peter his for the rest of his life.

Of course, things never went the way Tony initially planned them to go. He carried the black velvet box with him for weeks, waiting for the perfect moment to pop the question. Tony knew, despite the pulsing nerves, that Peter would say yes – they were meant to be, he couldn’t be the only one that felt that way. Not when, only after a little more than a year of being together, Peter felt like home. More than anything else in his entire life, Peter felt right.

After a string of long days in the shop, Tony was finishing up his last car of the day when Peter came storming through the side door. The slightly worrying tone of Peter’s voice when he uttered Tony’s name had him standing up too quickly, the hood he was working under smacking him in the back of the head with a dull thud. A slight whimper left his lips, his anxiousness not enough to stop the slight throb of pain.

“Pete, what’s up?” Tony asked, his voice only a little tight in his attempt to keep his slowly building panic to a minimum. They left the house that morning with a stolen make out session and a slight unwillingness to say goodbye – what could’ve possibly gone wrong between then and now? Rubbing the back of his head, Tony finally straightened himself completely, his attention totally on Peter.

His jaw dropped a second later when Peter thrust the very box he’d been worrying over between them, his eyebrow raised. “Want to tell me about this? I left some research on the passenger seat of my car and when I went to grab it, I found this suspicious black box on the seat. What is it, Tony?”

Peter’s eyes were wide, the look on his face telling Tony that Peter didn’t look, despite knowing exactly what resided within the box without the need to peek. Sucking in a quick breath, Tony snatched the box out of Peter’s hands, his knee hitting the floor a second later. That very instant was as good a time as any, he figured.

Pulling the lid of the box open, Tony used his free hand to grab Peter’s, his fingers gripping tightly. “It’s kind of fitting that I find the perfect moment in one of my fuck ups. You make all of the weird pieces of me feel so normal – like they fit, despite being totally obscure. No one, in my entire life, ever made me feel as complete as you do. I should have known that asking you to be mine forever would be as unconventional as I am. Will you be my husband, Pete? I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Instead of answering, Peter grabbed the grimy edges of his coveralls and pulled him up from the floor. His arms wound tightly around Tony’s neck, the space between their bodies getting narrowed down to nothing, the ring box stuck between them. Their lips met in a fierce kiss, spit-sticky tongues sliding together in an instant. Peter kissed Tony’s breath away, the two only pulling back when the risk of passing out ran too high.

“Yeah, I’ll be your husband,” Peter mumbled breathlessly, the pants of his breath making the words even more impactful.

A face splitting grin lit up Tony’s face, his cheeks straining with the effort. He wordlessly put a bit of distance between them, the space just enough to grab Peter’s left hand and slip the ring down his third finger. The juxtaposition of grease and pale skin and shiny metal stood out as he admired the perfect fit of forever’s promise, both on Peter’s finger and in the bond between them.

Leaning back into his new fiancé, Tony pulled Peter into him, their lips finding each other without fail. The perfectly imperfect thing that existed between them thrummed with new life. As they kissed, Tony succumbed to the pleasant ache of being completely consumed by Peter and all of the feelings that always threatened to overcome him. Peter had his back – and would for the rest of their lives. Their love deserved every overwhelming feeling Peter played muse to.  

[jupiter-inthe-archer]

one of my flaws that i quite blame on being a sagittarius is that i ultimately care about people too heavily because that's just what i do as a friend. if your my friend i will care about you and be the best of friend i could possibly be but this shit is exhausting because ultimately, like the concept i've now accepted is this. that "my life" in generalize sense, doesn't matter because once i'm dead i am dead and secondly, accepting the good with the good and the bad with the bad. not looking at things in ONLY a negative light. if something bad happens, it happens and how i feel about that said thing just is but everything is so temporary it's insane. feelings are temporary, my mourning of chris lasted for months but simply didn't end because i still miss him but in a way, i guess, i somewhat "detached" how i felt amongst time. detaching isn't always good and i know that but it's interesting and something i need to learn mostly with friends. i tend to care deeply about my friends which ultimately makes me a good friend but sometimes, some friends have habits and things they do that bother the absolute fuck out of me and in a sense i feel it's good to remove yourself and fade away from said friendship. when it comes to relationships, people keep telling me ill find someone that i won't mind putting work in & here's the thing. it's not about putting work or worrying about how they feel that it ultimately consumes me or fuck, even them in general. i just want someone i can co exist with, someone that's basically my friend that i tend to fuck but when we're together shit just runs smoothly, no games, no mind tricks, no confusion or trying to make other jealous just simply us living in the same universe at the same time. and i feel our society has screwed up our minds to wanting that which is why i gave up on having someone exclusive or someone i can just "vibe with" and ultimately. it's okay, whatever you do in your life, whether it be nothing (in your eyes) or make something out of yourself or fuck end up killing shit ton of people and being hated. at the end of the day, your life doesn't really matter to you, your life only effects other people because once your dead who tf knows what happens and that's something i've grown to terms with. now, getting to know myself, apparently, i'm a likeable chill person. frankly because i don't care about a lot of stuff and it's starting to become with people as well. and it's not bad nor good it's just is and it's interesting, because i'm getting to know myself to it's true undefined core. im realizing how weird i am and that i like weird people. people that have weird ideas and form weird analogies and compare it to things. i've realized i wasted most of my college time with people not meant for me nor i necessarily liked their personality. i've wasted time with people i tried to like me when ultimately, a bitch is going to be gone in 2 yrs and who the fuck knows where i'll be. and call me crazy but not knowing where things lead is such a freeing feeling bc really, it could end up anywhere and isn't that great.