#so now that my period is regular and i’m in tune with my cycle it’s wild how even though i’m completely dissociated from time and days

[creaturebehavior]

like literal clockwork

i start feeling pissed off at little things. i check my period tracker. two weeks until my period

every single month

[55555-555-5]

Period Post!

I love love love when I begin my bleeding cycle. It’s when I am the most in tune with mind, body, soul and universe. It wasn’t always this way tho.

Ever since I started menstruating (at age 10 I think) my periods were heavy metal, meaning I would bleed through both a tampon and a pad and be in so much pain I physically couldn’t stand up straight. Everything was awful on my period and finally my mom brought me in to the doctor to see what we could do. He prescribed me birth control. Surprised? Probably not. Womben are so quickly given pills and heavy medications to put into their bodies when they simply just need to know what’s going on. He never walked me through balancing my hormones or discussed progesterone or nothing. Gave me this pill, it’ll fix all my problems. For a while I loved the pill, I set an alarm on my phone, took it every day, my doctor gave me a type I would stack for three months and then stop taking them for a week so I could bleed. That week was always fucked cus it takes a long time to get out of your system so by the time I would bleed I would start taking the pills again. I’m gonna wrap it up: I took birth control for about 12 years.

Fast forward: I’ve come off the pill, spent the time necessary to cleanse my body of the pill. My periods took a while to be some regular and coming off the pill they were just as heavy and painful as before. The things that changed my life are proper education, appreciation for my womb, following the right people on social media, herbal remedies and rituals.

It’s so important to learn that the time that we run on is built around mens bodies, as are most things. We have different cycles and our timing is divine and if we can connect to it, life gets easier. Learn the 4 phases of your cycle; inner summer, inner fall, inner winter and inner spring. I’m in spring rn and I’m feeling like I’m blossoming into my next phase of life, energetic, hot af, and connected.

Herbal medicine has impacted my life in many ways but nothing seems as significant as my period. One cup of this tea and my cramps are completely GONE! Use equal parts chopped cinnamon bark and chopped dried ginger or freshly grated ginger root and honey to taste if you like. For one cup of tea use 1 teaspoon of ingredients. I have this tea every bleed and it instantly helps.

A big thing I learned is you want to keep your womb warm to avoid pains. Keep your feet warm, don’t eat cold foods, your jaw and pelvis are connected so always try to relax your jaw, singing and sighing are wonderful. Also you are what you eat (in the nicest way) so if you haven’t already made a change to be more aware of what your putting in your body definitely do it now. What you intake will be the factors that balance your hormones. Something important to note is food is everything that is consumed; what you eat, what you watch, what you listen to and what you say to yourself.

A huge part is learning to love your period. Menstruation is the beginning of time and your womb is a portal. Around every 28 days depending on your own cycle, you go through death and rebirth. It’s sacred and powerful. Look into some ancient stories of worshipping menstrual blood and figure out some rituals and practices that inspire you. For example I love giving my blood back to the earth. I free bleed so I rinse my underwear in water in a jar and then pour the water onto my plants or the trees roots outside. Once your blood is healthy and free of toxins from pills and what not, it has so many healing factors for life in all aspects. I also love to use my finger to gently collect some blood directly from my body and place a dot on my forehead where the third eye is. It’s beneficial as a face mask as well. Also note that your first bleed is the most powerful!

I got so much important and beneficial info from Womben Wellness who you can find on Instagram under that name and also Facebook. The womban that runs it name is Usha and she does actual courses on this type of shit! She also does free educational zoom calls every once in a while that I tune in to. You could just google Womben Wellness as well, but definitely look into her she’s amazing. I get my divine love for my cycle from Goddess Molding who you can find on Instagram as well with that name, she also has a website where she sells sacred ceremony handmade items. She’s the one that shared all those bullet points in the last photo.

I could go on for EVER about this stuff, I’m so passionate about it now that I’ve learned some basic stuff that they didn’t teach us. I’m worried I’ve gone on too long so I’m finishing up now. Definitely check out those womben I recommended, they will explain everything a lot better and more beautiful than I did. Also note that every body is different and responds in different ways. It’s really figuring out what path YOU should take, what works for your body specifically and taking responsibility for your health. No one else is going to fix your body for you, and that was the hardest pill to swallow. Also remember that your womb is not separate from your body, any other health issues you have could be impacting your period. Going down this road could expose a lot of other health issues.

@changingandhealing ❤️

[inspirehealthandspirit]

Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder and PMDD Treatments

Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder or PMDD can be both downright painful and unmanageable. Cramping can be so severe that you’re unable to walk, or even go through your day.  Having painful cramps can and does stop you dead in your tracks if you’re walking. Hunched over trying to ward off the cramp to no avail.  Cramping so severe that it shoots down your leg. So What Do You Do? You take anti-inflammatories, Midol or Pamprin, and other drugs targeted for PMS symptoms.  But, these don’t quite do the job. They may take the edge off but the cramping and emotional rollercoaster do not subside. Even alcohol, larger does of anti-inflammatories and a heating pad on high setting don’t do the trick.  The pain is overbearing. No warm compresses or laying down watching chick flicks are going to get it.  Gone are the days of a regular flow too. All this cramping is the precursor to heavy and inconsistent flow.  You once knew when your period would start down to the minute.  Not anymore. Now you’re in panic mode every time your period is late except now you know that this has become the new normal.  No, you’re not pregnant, unless you’re trying then good for you but rather you’re now living with irregular periods.  Your cycle is longer or shorter than usual. That’s always fun. Now you have to prepare all the time for possible unexpected visits from Aunt Flow.  Even worse you’re experiencing even longer menstruation. Or perhaps it starts then stops within a few days.  And when you think it’s over you’re told “surprise” again a day later that nope, in fact, it was just a freaking pause. Another fun moment. Then once your period is over you’re exhausted and fatigued or downright tired for a week after your period.  So now you have almost an entire month of period-related issues impacting your life. Ughhh! What is happening is this what being in your 40’s is all about? I hope not ‘cause this isn’t going to work. On top of that, you can also have painful ovulation.  Yeah, you may not even have noticed this before now cause who can feel when you’re ovulating anyway?  Well, that would be me. My Experience I began tuning in to my body a lot more than usual when we were trying to conceive.  I was able to tell when I was ovulating by listening to my body. It was a great thing as we were able to get pregnant twice when we were ready and avoid pregnancy the same way.  AKA natural family planning. It’s easy to not notice ovulation and period cramps if you’re on the pill.  Yet, after I stopped the pill to have kids I realized that I didn’t want to take a pill going forward.  It wasn’t right for me anymore and I wanted to be more natural.  Not to mention all the times I had to switch brands cause I had side effects.  Once I discontinued the pill it was easier to feel when I was ovulating and when my period was going to start. On the flip side that also meant that my ovulation is now painful. So I’m going almost 3 full weeks out of the month not being functional. I'm experiencing severe cramping, emotional rollercoaster, irritability, fatigue umpteenth times worse. Not your normal minor PMS symptoms.  For a few years after my last daughter, my cycle was tolerable. Granted I have a high pain tolerance.  It wasn’t until this past year or so that it became debilitating. Finally, my husband said it isn’t normal to be feeling like this for 3 weeks out of the month.  You can’t live like this. I agreed, but I knew that the Gynocologist's solution is to get back on the pill and it will all go away. Except that answer doesn’t suffice.  I want to know the root cause of these painful periods and ovulation.  Is it the foods I’m eating, something messing with my hormones, is it perimenopause, something more?  I want those answers. Can You Relate? Does This Sound Like You? After being sick of it and not knowing what is going on I did what I do best.  Research and figure out what the hell is going on just like you’re doing right now. Alas, I did go to my well-woman exam and discussed these issues with my doctor.  And as I expected the solution was to go on the pill and end these symptoms. She discussed Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder/PMDD but again she said the pill would help with all the symptoms. Of course, if I wanted to discuss this further I would have to schedule another appointment.  Right, ‘cause that’s what I want to do wait another 2 months to get in and discuss it more. She did order labs to check for iron deficiency.  To make sure that wasn’t why I was so fatigued and drained after my period.  The results stated I was not deficient. So we know that's not the problem for my severe fatigue. What Is Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder/PMDD? First PMDD is more serious than the usual symptoms of PMS. PMDD symptoms are much more intense and severe and include emotional symptoms. PMDD is less common than PMS.   3-8% of women are affected by PMDD. But, there is still a large enough population that it warrants addressing.  PMDD can affect your day to day living and be debilitating at times. Symptoms of PMDD Irritability or Anger Mood Swings Emotional Sensitivity Anxiety Depression Severe Cramping Breast Tenderness Bloating / Fluid Retention Severe Fatigue / Lack of energy Feeling of hopelessness Difficulty concentrating Backaches / Headaches Hot Flashes Sleeplessness Vision Changes Decreases Libido Heart palpitations There can be a number of contributing factors to PMDD.  The exact cause is unknown. But, there are possible known factors that are contributing to PMDD.  Determining which one is the culprit, either one or all, is going to take some effort on your part.  What Causes Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder/PMDD? Low Serotonin Levels Serotonin levels change during your cycle and some women may be sensitive to these fluctuations. Serotonin affects mood, anxiety, sleep, emotions, digestion, appetite, and memory to name a few. Low levels of serotonin can lead to panic attacks, anxiety, and depression. Hormonal Changes Hormonal fluctuations in your body during your cycle can also cause these symptoms.  Some women are more sensitive to these changes than others. Low Progesterone and High Estrogen is also known as Estrogen Dominance may contribute to PMDD. Especially as we approach the mid to late ’40s and perimenopause.  You can read about my journey with Bioidentical Hormones using Pellets here. Vitamin Deficiency A vitamin deficiency in calcium, magnesium, vitamin B6, D, and E can contribute to PMDD. How to Ease PMDD Symptoms? Food Intake/Eating Healthier If you're experiencing bloating then it's wise to limit your salt intake so as not to further add to the problem. Eating healthy and removing salt, processed foods, sugar, alcohol and even caffeine are always key in eating healthier. Try eliminating one item such as caffeine and see if you notice any improvements. If it doesn't change your symptoms then you can move on and try another item. It is quite possible that you don't notice any difference when eliminating any of these foods. Which will lead you to find out if it's a vitamin deficiency or serotonin deficiency? There is also a diet that centers around phases of your cycle. I've tried a version of this diet but found it too hard to stick with and make the changes during each phase of the cycle. But you may find it works for you. Exercise Regular exercise can help to decrease your symptoms. In the midst of severe cramping and the other symptoms, this is not easy to do.   You can try yoga, meditation, acupuncture or other alternatives to help you. PMDD can make it almost impossible to have a consistent workout routine especially if its debilitating for weeks at a time. Find what works best for you. This will also help in decreasing stress levels which can also exacerbate the problems. Supplements The following deficiencies mentioned above can contribute to PMS and PMDD symptoms.  Try getting the needed amount through your diet or you can opt for supplements if you prefer. Calcium / Magnesium Deficiency I’ve been taking IntraCal from Global Healing Center for about 3 months now. All I can say is Wow! What a dramatic change in my symptoms.  The first month I took it I still felt cramping but it wasn’t as painful not even close. Then the second and third month I was surprised I didn’t feel any of the painful cramps during ovulation.  During PMS I had hardly any symptoms. So much so that I off guard when my period started.  I hadn’t felt any cramping or bloating to alert me it was about that time. This is the first time in over a year maybe even two that this has happened. My fourth month of using IntraCal has been just as great. I have minimal symptoms of severe cramping, bloating and fatigue, etc.  So crazy how just this small change of taking calcium/magnesium supplement made a huge impact.  Before this, I couldn’t even walk because my cramps are so bad.  Sometimes I’d have shooting pain down my leg and horrible backache that wouldn’t subside.  No matter what I took for the pain nothing helped. Except IntraCal has so far done the trick. Thank goodness! I was getting discouraged in finding a solution outside of birth control pills. IntraCal is a calcium and magnesium supplement and is ultra absorbable.  Again, this is the product I’ve been using the last 3-4 months now.  It made a drastic difference in the amount of pain and discomfort I’ve had before.  It also made an impact on my mood but more noticeably, is the cramping that is almost completely gone! Daily recommendations for Calcium is 1200mg daily and Magnesium 360mg daily. IntraCal combines both for maximum absorption.  No need to take separate supplements for each. Vitamin B-6 Deficiency B6 for the production of neurotransmitters which affect your mood. Dosages of 50-100mg daily of B6 can be beneficial for PMDD symptoms.  Vitamin E / Vitamin D Both supplements can help in alleviating PMS and PMD symptoms.  Daily recommendations for Vitamin E is 400IU daily to help with symptoms. And 400IU Vitamin D daily. Antidepressants/SSRIs For Serotonin Deficiency Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs), are antidepressants that change serotonin levels in the brain.  This increases your serotonin levels which can elevate your mood in return.  Some common SSRIs are Lexapro, Prozac, Zoloft, and Cymbalta.  Prescription medications are a decision you’ll need to make and determine what is best for you. I'd like to remind you that no two people are the same therefore no two people will have the same results. As with all health-related issues, you must find what works best for you. You are unique and may find that your symptoms improve with Vitamin D rather than Calcium. Or maybe you need to do multiple remedies to help your symptoms. That's ok too and good, that means you're listening to your body and figuring out what you need. Be proactive in finding the right answers for you. Discuss it with your doctor if needed. I wish you peace and guidance on your journey. Take care and be well. 7 ways to ease PMDD symptoms Read the full article

[thefanficmonster]

Stargazing

Ethan Winters x Mia Winters (Resident Evil Biohazard)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Romance, Fluff

Summary: A year after the events that took place at the Bakers’ residence and the three years of Mia being missing, the Winters spouses have finally been healed enough to start getting back into a regular lively rhythm, nevertheless haunted by the nightmare they lived through. 

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Sorry you’ve had to wait so long for your request but here it finally is! They deserved so much better and I’ll never stop saying that! Sorry for the brief rant, still, hope you enjoy the read! Love, Vy ❤

Holding Ethan’s hand tightly, Mia follows his instructions to keep her gaze down at the ground and avoid looking up as much as possible. She’s been having a hard time containing the smile on her face, biting her bottom lip a lot to prevent it from showing. Same as she’s had a hard time keeping quiet with her guessing games of where Ethan’s taking her. The man’s unbreakable though, never once was he tempted to let her in on what he’s planned.

It’s been a year since the Baker incident and all the couple has done is switch from one coping mechanism to another. They got stuck in a sort of therapy-work-therapy cycle where they threw themselves in their work and periodically went to their psychiatric appointments, never daring to nudge the topic at home amongst themselves. It was enough that the whole night has remained as a dark cloud hanging over their heads, addressing it has simply been to painful so they’ve steered clear of the topic the best they could.

However, an important thing to note about this coping cycle they created is that it drove all the other mechanics in their lives and their relationship to become routinely and mechanic as well. There was little to no feeling in all they did - not that they ever did much together except have dinner and sometimes breakfast, both of them fully indulged in their work the rest of the day. Work became their therapy eventually, leaving little time for one another and for fixing what’s been broken between them. This conclusion bothered them both to no end but neither wanted to address it out of fear of disturbing the other.

Luckily, Ethan didn’t feel the need to bring it up before taking action.

“Here we are!“ He announces eventually, causing Mia to snap her head upwards without a second to spare, curious eyes doing the best they can to take in the dark surroundings. 

Surprisingly enough, she doesn’t have any problem with the dark. What happened back in Louisiana didn’t give her a phobia of the dark or of ships as her therapist initially thought she’d develop. However, she’s got a huge fear of bugs and insects now - especially mosquitos. Count on her husband carrying anti bug spray wherever they go - now is no exception.

As her eyes slowly adjust to the darkness of their surroundings, it doesn’t take her a while to realize they’re in an open yet secluded field. She’s not the slightest bit surprised by where he’s taken her, in fact, she recognizes it immediately. It’s the spot of their first official date.

“Who knew going to that dorm party would be the best thing I’d do in my life.“ He mumbles under his breath, admiring the sparkles in her eyes as she takes in the beautiful field bit by bit, letting the reel of memories play back, taking her all the way back to that first year of college, that fateful night when they met, followed by the night they came to this field.

“Who knew overcoming my fear of heights at an early age would’ve helped me find the man I’d eventually marry.“ She replies, turning to look at him, their gazes locking in place, both of them no reminiscing on those events they hadn’t recalled in a very long time.

2006

The humidity doesn’t suggest that the summer months have already ended. In fact, the air is still as unbreathable as it was in July and August, making the students who have to return to their studies super conflicted, longing for those beach days with little to no responsibilities. Given that no one is ready for the school year to start, the professors included, the first few weeks of college have been rather stress-free for Ethan. Well, that is if you don’t include the agony of moving into college as a freshman from an entirely different state.

Why he chose to go to college in Texas is a question he still doesn’t have a proper answer to. It was an impulsive, basically overnight decision, one that rattled his parents to no end when he announced it. However, having his own income and savings for college purposes, they couldn’t really do much in stopping him but they didn’t support him either. They kept trying to change his mind until the very last day but alas he stood his ground and now here he is, in his college dorm, trying to read a book while there’s a raging party going on just two floors above. The music is so loud though that is sounds more like it’s taking place in his closet instead. 

His roommate went up to help set the party up, only putting mild effort into getting his Cali-boy roommate to tag along and join the shenanigans which Ethan appreciated. Parties have never really been his scene so he knew he would’ve kept refusing no matter how much he tried getting him up there.

Finding the read hopeless due to the distractions, Ethan ditches the book and lays back on his bed staring at the ceiling, feeling like a fish out of water, ready to suffocate any minute. The AC in the dorm is faulty so it’s not serving its purpose properly, leaving the air at the same temperature as it would be had the device not been turned on at all. He’s stranded on things to do, feeling awfully caged in this new environment without any proper entertainment, going even as far as to second-guess if his parents were maybe right all along.

Fortunately for him, just then, his roommate bursts in, humming along to the song that’s currently being played at the party, never missing a tune even in his clearly intoxicated state.

“Hey Winters, aren’t you Californians supposed to know of a good time? You’re disappointing me right now.“ Jared slurs, laughing a bit as he leans against the wall to keep himself to his feet.

Ethan can’t help but scoff, “Thought I’d be a party animal? Sorry for the letdown.”

Jared laughs, shaking his head, “Come on, Cali. You have two semesters to be sulking around, it’s too early to start. Listen, one beer and thirty minutes, that’s all I’m asking you for. If you like it you can stick around. If not, feel free to leave. Just please give it a shot. How else are you supposed to make friends?”

Ethan stops to contemplate for a second, weighing his options. Jared takes this as a hopeful sign, seeing as how his offer wasn’t immediately turned down as it was the first time. Finally, the blond sighs in defeat: “Ok, but thirty minutes only.“ He says as he slides off the bed, briefly looking at himself in the mirror and deeming his appearance decent enough for a dorm party. As a very new student, he’d like to make a good first impression on his classmates but given that they’re all probably wasted, he’s not stressing too much over his looks at the moment.

Following Jared up to the floor of the party, he’s immediately handed a beer which he accepts with little hesitation. His roommate goes around introducing him to a few people before he disappears with some girl he claims has been his on-again-off-again girlfriend since sophomore year of high school - Sarah. Ethan, of course, doesn’t stop him despite hating the ide of finding himself stuck alone in a crowd of people he’s seeing for the first time in his life. Still, he sticks to the deal: thirty minutes and a beer...ok, two beers, but they’ve done nothing to make him enjoy this party.

So, off he goes to search for Jared to tell him he’s leaving. Thinking he saw the dark haired girl he went off with going up the stairs to the roof, he quickly follows.

Little does he know, that’s not the dark haired girl he’s looking for. That’s Mia

Mia, the rowdy, outgoing Texas tomboy who, unlike Ethan, thoroughly enjoys going to parties and having a good time with her friends and a few drinks. However, even a party animal such as herself sometimes needs to take a breather especially when people are smoking cigarettes as though they’re inhaling air and she’s never tried a cigarette in her life and is actually quite against the idea. She found this rooftop to be her prefect hideaway whenever she felt like her surroundings would suffocate her. Students were strictly instructed that climbing up there would earn them a penalty but that didn’t bother her in the slightest - She’s been frequenting the roof already and it’s been barely a week of her fresh start in college. Luckily, she got over her fear of heights at the tender age of twelve so this journey to quite a high point doesn’t pose as much stress as it would’ve about a decade ago.

As she lies on the floor, looking up at the starry night sky above, she nearly jumps out of her skin when another voice calls out to her presumably though it’s not using the correct name.

“Hey, um, S-Sarah? Have you seen Jared?“ 

Mia turns her head as she sits up, one eyebrow raised as she takes a good look at the silhouette which this voice belongs to. It’s pretty dark so even if she knew him, she wouldn’t be able to recognize him but judging by the voice, this is not someone she’s familiar with. And judging by the accent, this guy is not from around here.

“I’m not Sarah, but if you’re looking for Jared Letterwood, I can guarantee he’s in Sarah’s dorm.“ Mia chuckles, “I’d know. Sarah’s my roommate.“

Ethan cringes at the thought, “Yikes, you’ve got it rough. I mean, Jared’s my roommate but so far I haven’t had to leave the dorm for him to...you know. Hope I never have to.” Suddenly, an idea strikes him, “Wait, where are you gonna sleep tonight?”

She laughs, lying back down with her arms folded behind her head, “Right here.” She drags out the words as she adjusts her position a little, eyes fluttering closed. “Stargazing helps me fall asleep. The whole ambience up here is just...perfect, you know. Jared and Sarah are really doing me a favor.”

Ethan can’t help but scoff, “Call me crazy, but I’ve never stargazed in my life. I don’t know, never really saw the whole appeal. Sure, it’s cool to see in a movie or whatever, but it’s got no real purpose in real life. Not that I’m trying to bash your hobby or anything...”

Before the clueless blond could finish his statement, Mia’s already snapped up in a sitting position, giving him a narrow-eyed glare he can’t really see in the darkness. Her hand taps the spot next to her, “Don’t knock until you try it, Cali boy. Come’ere, see what you’re missing out on.”

Though reluctant, Ethan takes a few steps forward, stopping for a second to ask: “Wait, how’d you know I’m Californian?” Regardless of his confusion, he sits his ass down as he was told, awkwardly laying down so that there’s half a foot or less between their bodies so he doesn’t accidentally touch her and run the risk of freaking her out.

“I know a lot of things, Cali. Unfortunately, your name isn’t one of them. That being said, either you tell me it, or I’ll have to keep calling you Cali.“ She says teasingly.

“Ethan. My name’s Ethan.“ He says through a sigh, unable to contain the smile that spreads across his face.

A smile mimicking his appears on her face as well, “Nice to meet you, Ethan. The name’s Mia.“

Needless to say, the following morning Ethan woke up still on the roof, and surprisingly and terrifyingly enough, with the girl he barely met the night prior in his arms. Under the light of the newly rising day he could examine her features better, taking in her absolute beauty, her pale features contrasting her dark as the night hair. She’s still asleep so he can’t see her eyes but he has no doubt they are as beautiful as she is. Everything about her looks so delicate yet sharp simultaneously. And he’s simply in awe.

To avoid any awkwardness in case she wakes up, he falls back asleep, not even trying to remove his arms from around her body, silently hoping she won’t kick his ass for it. The next time he wakes up, an undecided amount of time later, he’s alone on the rooftop. Alone with a note that says: ‘Did you like it? If yes, I got a better stargazing spot to show ya. You know where to find me 

 ~ M‘

“And boy, was I missing out on something.“ Ethan whispers, gently running his fingers through his wife’s hair as they lay in that same field she was referring to in her note to him, gazing up at the stars, limbs intertwined, bodies completely collided.

“Told ya. Stargazing is incredible, ain’t it?“ Mia replies, snuggling closer though that’s simply impossible.

Her husband chuckles, his chest rumbling with the noise, “That’s not really what I meant.”

Her brows furrow but she doesn’t look at him, “Oh? Then what did you mean?”

With a content sigh, he replies, “I was missing out on having you in my arms, falling asleep and waking up by your side.“ He says, his lips planting a gentle kiss at the top of her head that has her melting in his embrace.

Mia’s not the romantic nor cheesy half of this relationship, quite the opposite, but she feels emotions to a way deeper level than Ethan would imagine her feeling. So, thankful to the darkness, Mia allows her eyes to gloss over with emotional tears as she rises up to collide her lips with his in a soft and tender kiss. 

“I missed you so much, Mia.“ Ethan whispers when they pull away, foreheads resting against each other.

“I promise to never make you miss me again, baby.“ She replies in a tone as hushed as his. As though they are both afraid someone would overhear this vow of theirs and try to force them to break it.

“That’s impossible.“ He says with a soft chuckle, “I always miss you at least a little.“

Mia hums in response, “Well, right now, you don’t have to miss me at all. I’m all yours. You’re the only thing on my mind, Mr. Winters.“

Even in the dark, she sees the grin that lights up his face, “As you are the only thing on mine, Mrs. Winters.” With that, their lips reestablish their contact, this time maintaining it longer, making it more passionate than before.

[fayewonglibrary]

Wong’s Way (2011)

An anomaly in the cookie-cutter world of Cantopop, FAYE WONG has paradoxically found success by playing against the rules. Prestige Hong Kong follows her down the road less travelled

FIVE YEARS MAY not seem like that long, but it can be a lifetime in an entertainment industry that feeds off the right-here and the right-now. So it came as a surprise when, half a decade ago, Faye Wong decided to step back from the limelight and resume as much of a normal life as might ever be possible for a woman whose music has sold in the millions and who has combined that side of her existence with an acclaimed acting career.

From an existence playing before tens of thousands, what the Beijing-born Wong longed for at that point in time was a life tucked away in the peace and tranquillity of home – and after almost 20 years in the spotlight, and with her every move followed by a fan base that can be tallied in the millions, who could really blame her?

But as an artist who in an age of corporate conformity flatly refuses to play to any predetermined stereotype, Wong has always preferred to play by her own rules. It may come as a surprise, then, to find out that Faye Wong was not always “Faye” – diehard fans will remember a period in which the artist was known as Shirley Wong Ching-man, an affectation suggested by her record company early in her career, because of the stigma associated with the hip factor (or lack thereof) of mainland Chinese artists and names.

Even Wong’s early hits weren’t what you would call “original” – her first few albums were filled with formulaic Cantopop: collections of saccharine, predictable tunes that failed to properly utilise her delicate, lilting soprano. When she broke out of that shell in 1992, after a short travel hiatus, she finally found success, initially with a cover of a Japanese chart-topper in Cantonese, “Fragile Woman.”

Despite her disinclination to be impacted by her local contemporaries, Wong was not without her influences. She covered songs by The Cranberries, took quirky style cues from Björk and collaborated with the Cocteau Twins. The further she strayed from Cantopop, the more fame she found, penning her own songs and admittedly self-indulgent lyrics. She rapped on “No Exit,” yodelled through “Di-Dar” and even won the hearts of nerds by wailing the English-language title track to the hit video-game Final Fantasy VIII, “Eyes On Me.”

Even when her albums weren’t critical or commercial successes, her fame continued to grow, exponentially and uncontrollably. Her handful of acting roles, including in Chungking Express and 2046, showcased a curious, simultaneous aloofness and magnetism, an infectious, ravishing oddness.

In 2005, two months before she married actor Li Yapeng, she announced that she would take a break from show business. And so for five years there have been sightings, the occasional public appearance and the work for her own charity, but otherwise it’s pretty much been silence from Wong, as her fans – and the world at large – waited.

With that in mind, we should not have been surprised at the reaction to the news that Wong would finally be reemerging, to stage comeback concerts that started in Beijing last October, then took in Shanghai and Taipei before coming to Hong Kong, the place where Wong’s career was launched, for a series of shows in March. Tickets – for all nights, at all venues – sold out in a matter of days and the critical response has been overwhelming.

The headlines said it all: “The Diva is Back.”

What the Wong faithful have found is that their idol has lost none of the passion for the music that forms, as she puts it herself, part of her fate. They’ve been treated to nights filled with the songs that have formed the soundtrack for the lives of a generation here in Hong Kong – and beyond.

When Prestige Hong Kong found the interview-shy 40-year-old, she was in between shows and letting that fate take its course. What Wong wants the world to know is that throughout her storied career there has, she says, never been any real plan. She’s simply a woman who lets the cards fall as they may.

Can you talk a little about your return to the stage and playing live? What brought about the decision to play your recent concerts? I consider this a natural move for me. I’ve been doing several commercials as well as releasing some new singles over the past few years. So this was a natural progression back to live performances. It’s all part of my career.

How did you go about deciding what form the concerts would take and the songs you played? There’s no special form or arrangement that’s deliberately conceived for my concert. I believe my singing is the main source of interaction between the audience and me. Every show is unique and my mood is different, depending on the atmosphere. It’s not my practice to talk much with people or have any planned speech in my concert, because I don’t want the conversation to ruin the whole integrity and mood of the arrangement of the concert. I hope my audiences can indulge themselves with my music, while also digesting the message my show is delivering.

After the recent concerts in Shanghai and Beijing, what’s your feeling about coming back on stage? It feels so good to see all my fans again.

Do you have any plans to work on a new album? If so, will you be writing songs yourself? There’s no plan to work on a whole new album. But there is a possibility to release singles, and maybe I’ll write some songs myself.

How different to you is the experience of playing live now as compared to when your career began? What have you learned and how much has the experience for you changed over the years? I’ve been working with different sets of crews, composers, producers etc since the beginning of my career. Each of these collaborations has opened up a whole new experience and been an amazing inspiration for me. Call it a fireworks feeling.

What was it that initially drew you to the music business? What was it that you found most exciting? I believe singing is my destiny, and it’s fate that this became my career. I find it gratifying that I’m able to touch people’s lives with my songs. It’s a form of good karma.

Have your musical tastes changed or evolved as you matured as a person and as an actress? I admire different types of music and things depending on the different stages of my life.

Did becoming a mother change how you approached both your singing and your career? There was no change. I still sing with the same commitment and feeling, and it’s the same with my career.

And how much, do you think, did this change you as a person? The process of raising a child is part of my evolution as a human being. If you’re not a parent or don’t fully involve yourself as a parent, you’ll never realise this traditional, fulfilling role of parenthood. As a parent, it’s natural to want to show your best side and provide the best example to your child. However, sometimes it’s hard to break habits that may surface from time to time. It’s a painful cycle, because even though you realise your own faults, to change yourself completely requires a lot of courage and determination.

We’re curious about a typical day for Faye Wong. What’s your routine when you’re not performing? What time do you go to bed, what’s your favourite meal and what activities do you share with your kids? Basically, I go to bed and wake up the same time as my kids do. I got used to enjoying the regular pattern of a healthy lifestyle, but that won’t happen coming back to work.

Frankly, there’s so much to do when you take charge of a whole household. My life in the past few years was completely occupied by family and there was no time for me ever to feel bored. Sometimes I feel that I was even busier than when I was working as a singer.

Do you think your children share the same character as you? When I look at my kids, it’s like looking into a mirror and seeing the deepest side of myself.

What are the things that make you most happy now, compared with when you were younger? What do you now cherish most? I cherish everyone and everything. I’m fortunate to appreciate what I have and the people I know.

How do you see your image now? Are you an artist who is careful to control her image, or is it more a case of come what may? The most effortless style suits me best. I aim to be the most natural, honest in my approach. I want it to be pure, not something that seems too contrived or created just to fit the latest trend.

What are you most passionate about? To find the real meaning of life, and share it with lots of people.

What about acting? Is this something you’re keen to pick up again as well? If so, what kinds of films and roles might interest you? Right now, I have no plans on filming.

What are the challenges you see ahead in the next few years? What can your audience expect? My life has no planning, and I’m not a person who conceives everything in advance. It always depends on what’s being offered and what I feel like doing at that moment. There’s no pressure on myself – I leave everything to chance and fate.

The Smile Angel Foundation was founded in Beijing in 2006 by you and your husband, Li Yapeng, after your own child was afflicted with a cleft lip. It’s helped a lot of other children suffering from cleft lips and palates. Has the foundation changed your life or your character in any way? My contribution to Smile Angel Foundation is not as much as my husband’s involvement. He’s very busy working on plans to support the foundation. For me, basically, I’ll attend annual charity events and activities to lend my support.

On this project, we started everything from scratch and are very gratified to see how much it has accomplished. My husband is definitely the driving force behind the foundation, and I really admire his passion, courage and capability.

At your current stage, do you think you have evolved in your perspective of things compared with when you were younger? Can you share your road of growth a little bit? I was a bit stubborn, objective and capricious when I was younger. I’m now more willing to be open-minded and flexible, and always try to remind myself about this. It’s quite difficult to stop old habits surfacing from time to time. But I’m trying hard to accomplish it.

Do you have any advice on how to maintain a woman’s beauty and charm after the age of 30? First of all, you have to accept your age. I believe everyone has their own unique way to create their own charm and maintain their beauty, which is sometimes a very personal approach. One should find one’s own best way; there really is no standard formula for everyone to maintain their beauty. I believe the most natural side of a person is the most beautiful.

You’re acclaimed as a pioneer of alternative music. Does that mean you won’t compromise with the commercial market? I never define my music as “mainstream” or “edgy” or “alternative.” I just do what I like.

Photography / Shameless Eye Production AG Styling / Titi Kwan Hair / Alain Pichon Make-up / Zing Wardrobe / Céline Spring 2011 collection

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SOURCE:  PRESTIGE HONG KONG

[liskantope]

A personal look back on my summer 2020

My fall semester has already been going on for a little while, but in the past week the weather has suddenly switched from hot to autumny and now it feels like the summer was a period which is truly over and which I can look back upon as (unsurprisingly) one of the most singular summers of my life.

I consider myself to be excellent at autobiographical memory, probably in the 90th percentile or so, at least when it comes to being able to recall the year or month (or sometimes week) that particular events of my life occurred.  I attribute this to often being able to connect various things that were going on in different areas of my life at the same time (rather like separate arcs in a television episode) in ways that allow me to anchor any particular memory to the time it occurred.  Sometimes there are particular time periods where the "plot arcs" of my life somehow seem to fit together really well in a united larger story or a      single flavor, whereas looking back at other periods I can with some effort remember various arcs but it's hard to hunt them out and put them together, as though they were part of a poorly-written TV episode which doesn't have any particular unity.

Summers for me have always stood apart from the years they were in (with the slight exception of the summers I spent abroad doing my first postdoc which had so little structure that my general routine was the same all year round).  This summer I often looked back at the summer of 2010 (the last divisible-by-ten year), which was an example of the former: somehow all the separate arcs going on in my life at the time -- my studying and research (sadly, this was the most recent summer when I actually felt good about how studying/research was going!), stuff that was going on in my immediate family, progress in my social life, my first forays into doing local gigs as part of a band, the weather, my      apartment/roommate situation, shows I was watching, and personal internal struggles I was facing -- feel like they were all nuances of the same flavor.  (This was back in the days that I had cable and it so happened that Curb Your Enthusiasm was on the TV Guide Channel and I was introduced to it and watched it a lot just that summer; for years afterwards the theme tune immediately brought back the emotions that came with the flavor of summer 2010.  Semi-coincidentally I've been watching a lot of Curb clips on YouTube since I noticed them appearing early this past summer.)

The following summer, summer of 2011, is an example of the latter kind of time period in my memory: I'm able to remember a bunch of separate things that went on, including a visit to Switzerland, some of the research I was trying to do, my living situation (and anticipation of a move and the shift in my social life it would bring), my discovery of the local Unitarian Universalist fellowship and being a regular attendant there the entire summer, some particular online interests, and the unpleasant bike accident I had, but it takes some effort to recall that this was all happening in the same three months.  (One thing I do distinctly remember about my living situation is that my one roommate spent most of the summer out of town and that, in anticipation of my next roommate who I knew traveled less and would be much more social, I was telling myself, "Enjoy this level of privacy now because chances are you'll never have it again." I was absolutely right in my prediction that there would be much less solitude and privacy with the next roommate who I remained living with for several years, but I sort of assumed that after that I would have found some kind of a partner to be with all the time, and... oh the irony as I sit here, still continuously partner-free, after another day of the far more intense privacy and solitude of the past six months!)

This past summer, the summer of 2020, is very, very clearly bound to become a longer-term memory of the former kind: its extreme flavor is unmistakable.  As is probably the case for most of us, my experience of summer 2020 has been shaped almost entirely shaped by the pandemic we're still in the midst of.  For me this has meant constantly being home alone (although I settled pretty soon on into a pattern of going on daily bike rides and weekly supermarket trips plus a number of other types of errands.  Also, a caveat to the rest of this paragraph is that my parents visited one weekend and that provided an exception to some of the otherwise constant conditions below.)  I became uncharacteristically super introverted and very intent on making as much research progress as possible in the absence of teaching duties. None of this has been too unpleasant, but there has been a complete and utter lack of any form of fun, both in traveling (this may hold the record of the only summer where I stayed in the same 6-mile radius the entire time) and in social events.  The one positively pleasant thing in my life this summer was discovering the most beautiful area for cycling in any place I've lived, as well as a handful of late-evening warm-summer-night walks.  The extreme degree of loneliness and the necessity of self-discipline to keep my wheels turning has been smothering, and actually I think I dealt with it much better than I would ever have imagined I could if someone had told me this was coming a year ago.

I'd say my summer was a personal success in that way and in most other ways apart from the main concrete objective of completing a research preprint, which failed quite badly and is putting my career aspirations in a very precarious place (it would have been nice to get some heavier blogging done as well).  One could say that this was a less important goal than that of not letting my mental health spiral, though, and I did succeed quite well at the latter.  (In fact, I was doing much worse in January and February than I was when the pandemic hit.)  I'm upset that my goals seem to take me much longer than I feel they should but am glad that this doesn't seem to be due to an inability to sit down and focus on the work, as was the case with research during some summers of grad school.

Part of the flavor of summer 2020 that will live on in my memory has to do with my being home alone so much of the time, never having to get near other people, in an apartment that I kept hot, that, let's just say it took me a ridiculously long time to accumulate each laundry load and there were often T-shirts draped over my sofa to be reused for an hour or two at a time over multiple days.

While I'm continuing on this gratuitously self-absorbed vein, as I've noted that I love keeping track of personal "endurance" records, I've (again unsurprisingly, because of the situation) made a bunch of them which I'll finish by taking note of here:

Longest time without stepping out of the front door: I actually was careful to make sure I never stayed entirely inside for two days in a row, but it finally happened the weekend before last (after a late Friday night walk in my complex where I may or may not have gotten back inside by midnight).  I believe it was 61 hours, or very nearly 61 hours, without exiting my apartment. This may be a lifelong record; the only other event that compares was a 2-3-day period in March 2011 when I was very feverishly ill in the wake of a snowstorm, and I don't recall how far beyond 48 hours I stayed in.

Longest time without going into my office (or even onto my campus) in over a decade of having an office: from April 2nd to August 11th.  Hardly a unique one here, but I never thought I could have handled only having my home to work in for over four months.

Longest time not going near any public transportation whatsoever, since high school: Sunday March 8th (or just after midnight on March 9th, a bus ride as the final leg of the journey home from my last trip of any sort) to 26 Sundays later on September 6th because of having to leave my bike in the shop.

Longest stretch of time not withdrawing cash or paying for something in cash: since sometime in early March and counting.  The only times I've touched the cash in my wallet at all during all of this time was on two occasions when I gave a bill to someone in need.

Longest time since age 19 not touching a drop of alcohol: since April 11th (at a virtual birthday party of a friend) and continuing.  This smashes a record from last fall of something like 54 days.

Longest time with the thermostat completely off (no use of heat or AC): from one of the last days of March to, I think, June 4th. This was nothing to do with the pandemic (in fact, it makes the pandemic situation slightly more remarkable since I've had to be home for a lot more of the time); the spring where I am was just particularly pleasant.

Longest time not shaving my facial hair: 32 days in the late summer, breaking a record from earlier in the summer of exactly a month.

There are probably other even sillier ones, such as the fact that I’m pretty sure I didn’t put on shoes from sometime at the start of June to a few days ago. You’d also think I’d break an endurance record for not uttering a spoken word to anyone, but I haven’t kept track of that.

Let’s hope future intervals in my life are much less extreme and record-breaking; that’s the gist of what I wish for everyone right now.

[universally-the-same]

Exercise, intuitive eating and stepping into power

My intuitive eating journey is starting to welcome the idea of movement.  For my whole life movement equaled exercise, which equaled a need to lose weight.  Pretty much the only times that I would exercise with any regularity where when I was in the throes of trying to change my body as a result of being surrounded by diet culture.

There are two other circumstances I can think of when I would exercise regularly.  The first being the many times I was in physical therapy rehabbing a body part due to an injury.  The other time is when I was about 18 years-old.  I was out late every night country line dancing, and I was going to the gym for fun.  Weight loss did end up being a side effect of this time in my life, but it was probably the most intuitive period in my life as an adult.  

I would eat whatever I wanted, and I only ate when I actually needed food due to my hectic teenager schedule (because you know... I was busy working, going to school and just living life to the fullest).  I danced because I loved it.  I worked out at the gym because it felt good.  And I ate what I wanted because I felt that I deserved it due to all of the exercise I was doing.

Now, the food part was still tied up in diet culture because I was eating what I wanted to eat because I felt I deserved it due to the exercise, but the point is that I wasn't restricting myself, I enjoyed my food and I enjoyed the movement I was doing with my body.  It all came very naturally to me.

At this point in my life, I was the thinnest I was as an adult.  But aside from weight, I felt truly fulfilled in many other ways.  I was traveling with my best friend.  I had worked through my childhood mother issues as best as I could, I had an amazing support group of people that loved me and encouraged me, my stepsister and I had grown incredible close, and I had even given up the incessant need for a boyfriend... I believe because I was finally at a point in my life where I was finally starting to "do me".

Until this morning, every time that I've looked back on this part of my life I've always obsessed on the weight loss part, and how incredible it would be to be able to replicate that.  Over the years, I've realized and I've accepted that this body is now 20 years older, and at that time... I had undiagnosed Graves Disease so my metabolism was in constant overdrive. Since than, my thyroid has changed and I now have Hashimoto's Disease so my metabolism is working against me.  

When we created our vision boards for Winter Solstice in December, I placed a picture of myself as a teenager in the center.  I also did this Spring of 2018 as a form of motivation for my weight loss.  This year, when I chose a picture, instead of focusing on a picture that emphasized my body. I was drawn to chose this picture that captured my spirit in what happens to be a smaller body.

At the time I didn't really realize that's what I was doing, but as I've been going through this whole process of tapping into my intuition on a whole other level, and getting back in touch with my inner child, I'm realizing that what I want more than weight loss is to feel whole and to be happy.

"Thanks" to diet culture, I always thought that weight loss would be "the thing" to make me happy.  So weight loss turned into this elusive thing that I've only ever been able to obtain when my body was sick, or when my life was full of restriction and the need to exercise (and the reasoning that it would help burn more calories which would help me lose weight).

When I did the Optavia diet last year, the diet was so incredibly restrictive that I wasn't allowed to exercise because of how dangerously low my caloric intake was.  This in itself should have set off a red flag, but it didn't because I was completely enamored by the success stories and my search for happiness through weight loss.  I sincerely believed that it was the answer and that if I could just stick to it long enough to get down to the size I wanted, then I could transition off the plan and maintain a pretty restrictive diet for the rest of my life.

Does that sound like happiness?  I was miserable.  My thyroid was thrown for such a loop due to the heavy amount of soy protein I was eating in place of real food.  Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have been able to exercise because I had zero energy.  I was filling my mornings with promising pep-talks of lunchtime naps hoping that 40 minutes of sleep would be able to carry me through the rest of my day.  Most days it didn't and I would need another nap after work so that I could make it through the evening.  

Luckily, I wised up and transitioned myself off of that diet before things got any worse.  Shortly after, I went on the vacation of a life time where I  allowed myself to eat what I wanted.  It was vacation after all, and I've never been one to restrict myself for holidays and special occasions.  But what I didn't realize was that this would continue after I got home.  I now understand that the cyclical nature of dieting is restrict, restrict, restrict and our bodies finally get to a point where enough it enough and we binge.  This is one of the reasons for yo-yo weight cycling.  

In intuitive eating, there is a stage you go through where you have to allow your body to have what it wants.  As counter-intuitive as it sounds, this stage is very important because the trust that was broken within the body during restriction needs to be rebuilt.  The idea behind this is that when we diet, we know that it is a purposeful restriction (of food choices, calories, portions.. whatever it may be) but our actual body doesn't know that.  Due to our nature, our body is programmed to think that we are entering a period of famine, so when when the time/opportunity comes to replenish itself, it's going to take advantage of that.  

This is the phase that I am in on my journey.  I could write a separate post of everything that I've been experiencing during this phase, but the coolest part is actually witnessing the trust being reestablished within my body.  It's something that I really can't explain at this moment, but I felt it was important to share this information on restriction because I'm going to tie this in with exercise in a moment.

But before I do, I wanted to write out a quick timeline.  I started Optavia last May.  Our trip was the very end of October.  That December is when I created the vision board with that photo, and this past January is when I started seeing my new therapist who introduced me to intuitive eating.  

This past year, I have been very resistant to exercise.  The only form I've done has come in the form of walking when exploring on vacation or day trips, and yoga.  I'm happy to say that my yoga practice has been particularly strong this year, though I think that's in part to my not really viewing yoga as exercise.  While yoga is fantastic for your body, for me, it's always been about the spiritual part.

But recently, I've noticed that movement/exercise is slowly started making a reappearance in my life.  For the last few months, I've had this little voice suggesting I wake up earlier on my work-from-home days and hit the gym.  This week, I finally found the desire to really want to do it.  I woke up early, drove to the gym and did a total body work out.  

While working out, I listened to my body.  I was mindful of what it wanted - just like with food.  I did the amount of weight that felt good.  I did the number of reps/sets that felt good.  And I didn't worry about the clock and how long I had been there.  When I was satisfied with my workout, I left.  

I've been practicing listening to my body while eating these last few months, and let me tell you... it felt so amazing to tune into my body while at the gym.  In the past it was all about competition which sounded something like this...  How much weight did I lift last time?  Let's see if we can beat that!   Oh look... I'm lifting more than the person next to me!   I'm pedaling harder than them, or not fast enough.. let me push myself harder...

I've always known that this thinking it what set me up for injury, but I'm really now seeing just how much it was.  The liberation that comes from releasing all the self-imposed expectations and just doing what feels good, or listening to my body and eating what I really want in the amount that my body needs (vs. under or overeating)... these things leave me satisfied.  A word that I've taken for granted for too long.

All of this mindfulness and reconnecting with my body has me thinking about patterns in my life related to exercise.  I'm realizing again, this connection to nature's cycles.  Reflecting back over the years, I have a tendency to want to want to be more active in the spring time.  I tend to struggle with exercise during the winter months.  This is so fascinating because this coincides with the cycles of not only trees and plants, but animals too.  

So many plants and animals go into dormancy/hibernation in the fall and winter.  It makes sense that I would also want to retreat.  In the spring, everything starts to wake up.  The plants and trees blossom and bud, animals come out from hibernation, they start mating and procreating so wouldn't it make sense that there would be an inherent desire for my body to "wake up" and want to be more active?

I'm so excited to go into this year with this new perspective and to be able to honor it without being attached to the stories and expectations to be something other than what I am.  Reconnecting to my spiritually was an important step towards finding myself, but I never expected the healing that would come from this intuitive eating journey.  The liberation that has come from releasing all of that and allowing myself to be me, and figuring out who exactly that is has been such a beautiful process.  

The more that we release those ties that bind us, the more powerful in self we become.  The more we recognize and honor that power, the more we can help change the world and create one where our unique identities are embraced instead of stigmatized.

  *this blog post was originally posted on my My Curvy Journey blog on 5/23/2019 and moved to my Universally the Same blog.

[happymetalgirl]

March 2020

Wow, March seems like such a bygone era, time doesn’t mean anything anymore with so much turned upside down (especially in the music industry) in the throes of the pandemic going on right now. One of those things was me losing my punctuality with this blog. While I haven’t been on top of my writing, I have certainly been listening as much as ever, with plenty to talk about this month, so better late than never I suppose. Here are the albums I listened to during March.

Code Orange - Underneath

I just wrote about the Pittsburgh metalcore juggernauts’ highly anticipated fourth full-length, but I’ll summarize again what led me say that Underneath is a good album, but not as good as the breakthrough album whose high bar this album was always going to have a hard time clearing. The band go all in on the industrial elements that accented Forever on Underneath, as well as push their luck on the more melodic, alternative metal-oriented hardcore tracks, which came with some growing pains, the latter more than the former. And I really think that they probably are just growing pains with the band getting more comfortable with this expansion of their sound, which (contrary to what the many zealous 10/10 reviews are saying) I think the band will get significantly better with if they keep this trajectory going into their next album.

8/10

Body Count - Carnivore

I really have tried to focus on the positive aspects of Body Count’s music, the fearless, topical, confrontational lyricism and the capacity the band has to generate a good hardcore breakdown, but the band really do seem to be unable to get out of this one-dimensional rut they’re stuck in, with Carnivore simply a few shovels deeper in. The band’s appeal tires very quickly with Ice-T’s recycling of lyrical themes and his band’s repetitions of generic hardcore tropes. They come through with a few moments of intensity, a sick breakdown or two, but the positive, hopeful moments are too few and far between. I would think that with not a whole lot of competition and a hip hop icon behind the microphone that Body Count would have the capacity to do more for rap metalcore, but they seem stuck in a cycle I do respect the stances Body Count takes against injustice, and I want them to be a more prominent, important voice in metal, but they have some climbing to do to get there.

4/10

My Dying Bride - The Ghost of Orion

The grand masters of gothic death-doom don’t ever really steer too far off course, rather they sometimes just take their foot off the gas, as they do on The Ghost of Orion. It has all the elements of any beautifully melancholic My Dying Bride album; the slow and burgeoning guitars, the downtrodden vocal melodies juxtaposed with bursts of growled anguish, and the melodrama of vibrato-laden strings; but it’s all arranged and conjured without much tangible passion or pain. That’s by the standard of the band’s pretty solid discography though, so with that considered, it’s by no means a terrible death-doom album, it just won’t be converting anybody or getting anyone more excited about My Dying Bride and death-doom.

6/10

Warp Chamber - Implements of Excruciation

Brutal death metal can often seem pretty one-dimensional, and it often is, but in the hands of a band who really has the ambition to make more of it than just some guttural rumblings from all the instruments involved, the genre can really take on a wholy new monstrous form, its horrific, deathly instrumentation heightened by the melody and the compositional nuance that a competent band can bring to it, and that is exactly what Warp Chamber do on their debut album here. Full of cavernous growls and ceaseless low-register battery, it can seem, at face value like just a regular brutal death metal album, but when the band starts breaking out the winding tangents and manic solos that, again, just heighten the chaos and compliment the brutality. It’s more than just regular-ass death metal, and I’m glad to have heard this debut. I hope Warp Chamber has more in store.

8/10

Loathe - I Let It in and It Took Everything

Do you love Deftones? Maybe you do. I do. But I don’t think either of us love Deftones as much as Loathe loves Deftones. I’m goofing right now, but Loathe really do channel their Deftones fandom real hard when they’re not in full hardcore mode or getting eccentric with the segues on this album. And it does offer a great combination of styles, with angular, low-tuned modern metalcore noise riffage juxtaposed pretty strongly against the gauzy shoegaze that immediately hearkens to that facet of Deftones’ music. The band struggle to get the flow just right on certain songs and across the album in general, with some pretty inconsistent songwriting, but it’s definitely outweighed by its still somehow immersive quality and the strength of the individual pieces going into it.

7/10

Earth Rot - Black Tides of Obscurity

The Australian band brings forth some more of the tried and true modern death metal a la Bloodbath, Carnation, and modern Cannibal Corpse, but with enough eerie, blackened oddity throughout the songs to keep the journey from being too homogenous. It’s these moments that both give extra life to the bludgeoning, but at-times basic, modern death metal the band is conjuring and kind of disrupt the flow of that muscly death metal. At times I do wish the band would chose to focus one or the other more exclusively, but if this pushes Earth Rot further into this kind of stylistically ambitious death metal, I appreciate the stepping stone this album acts as.

7/10

Myrkur - Folksange

After riding a pretty strong wave of critical adoration for her contribution to the growing wave of atmospheric black metal that culminated in the respectably sonically unique Mareridt in 2017, Myrkur’s Amelie Bruun has taken a step back to refocus or recalibrate artistically. As the title suggests, Folksange finds its creator rewarding herself for her contributions to black metal with a return to her love of Scandinavian folk music, and you can tell she loves it on this entirely folk-music-based project devoid of any black metal elements. I may not have been as head-over-heels as a lot of critics were about her black metal albums, but I certainly appreciated her folk-inspired ambient take on the genre, especially the unique sonic pallet of Mareridt. I liked those albums quite a bit, yet it is clear that the sound on Folksange is her forte, which makes sense if Scandinavian folk has been a longer-standing passion than black metal for Bruun. The instrumentation is absolutely beautiful and Bruun’s angelic voice fits so perfectly with it, but Folksange is more than just superficially aesthetically gorgeous. The songs (old and original) are written and arranged with such a natural knack for the style that makes it such a serenely enveloping experience that stands as Myrkur’s best work yet. I highly recommend it.

8/10

Old Man Gloom - Seminar IX: Darkness of Being

The famed supergroup’s first of two releases planned for this year after the loss of Caleb Scofield sees them dabbling around in an experimental array of genres that all the members have some sort of significant experience and specialty with. From post-metal of the sludgy, Isis-esque variety to the more noisily esoteric, Sumac-esque variety, to distinctly post-hardcore-influenced stylistic diversions, the band’s wide-reaching sound takes all sorts of twists and turns along their most recent experiment with the members’ varying pedigrees and influences guiding the music on quite the unusual nomadic trek. From the repetitive chord progression of the opening track to the album’s noisy finishing tracks (one of which features what sounds like rocks tumbling down a shaft of some sort for an extensive period of time), the band let their adventurers’ instincts guide them as they wander through their own experiment through the interplay of their members’ various styles. It’s weird, and not super polished, but it’s certainly fixating.

7/10

Candlemass - The Pendulum

After further cementing their relatively unchallenged status as the kings of epic doom metal with The Door to Doom about a year ago, Candlemass have offered up a quick little demo-focused EP with one new fleshed-out song, the title track, which takes them to the faster, more Dio-era-inspires side of their sound with the grand, soaring operatic vocals on the chorus and the relatively fast (by doom standards) guitar rhythms on the verses (think “Paranoid” or “Children of the Grave’). I love the very Dio-esque delivery of the word “fools” at the end too, very fitting. The demo track “Snakes of Goliath” slows it back down to Ozzy-era Sabbath worship in typical Candlemass fashion, the riffs and arrangement pretty respectable for a supposed demo track. The other full-length demo, “Porcelain Skull”, by contrast, does feel much less compositionally fleshed out and more like an actual demo piece. The other three demo tracks are just little instrumental studio doodles that don’t really add anything to the EP. If this EP could be interpreted as any kind of power move, it’s that Candlemass at demo level have just such a sharp compositional intuition for grand Sabbath doom metal and can pretty much nail it in their sleep.

demo-level 7/10

Igorrr - Spirituality and Distortion

I was definitely looking forward to this album big-time after the gloriously unashamed weirdness of 2017’s Savage Sinusoid filled a massive void I felt was needed in my metal bank. By contrast, Spirituality and Distortion is such a reserved project it feels either shy or cowardly from the usually hyper-eccentric band. The greater absence of the vocals of Laurent Lunoir on the album highlight also just how much character he brought to Savage Sinusoid through his zany performances. Without his vocal wildness across the album, the attention on Spirituality and Distortion is then directed to the significantly timid production and electronic finagling that doesn’t measure up to that of Savage Sinusoid.

6/10

In This Moment - Mother

*Sigh* In This Moment is one of those bands who I think really do show a lot of potential but just can’s seem to reach it. They get a lot of unnecessary shit for Maria Brink’s sexy stage presence and generally theatrical aesthetic and live show, but they do have the capacity to produce emotive alt metal ballads like “Whore” and bangers like “Big Bad Wolf” that give some insight into what heights they could potentially reach if they were much more consistent. I was hoping that Mother would be a solid rejuvenation/comeback after the benign disappointment of 2017′s Ritual, and while it’s certainly different, it’s not better. Mother really tries to take on this big, enveloping sound, and biblical, post-apocalyptic feel, and it can sort of carry it for a little bit and be temporarily immersive until the band needs to go full force. When it’s just some fancy eerie atmosphere and Maria Brink’s sultry vocal delivery, it holds up okay, but when the horribly synthetically produced arena-booming instrumentation really comes in and breaks that immersion, you remember that it really is all just trite alt rock whose lofty flair is all a facade.

4/10

Mamaleek - Come and See

Undoubtedly the most wildly experimental album to grace my ears so far this year, I was not expecting such a forceful avant-garde project from Mamaleek so relatively soon after Out of Time, but damn I’m glad I got it! The anonymous brotherly duo have always taken black metal on quite the far-off journey whenever they bring it along on one, ever making it their mission to create something one-of-a-kind with their work, and Come and See has to be their most enthralling album yet. Ramming together the transfixing manic anguish of their blackened experimental noise with the angular dynamism of jazz and even some blues rock in a musical particle collider, Mamaleek have made a truly one-of-a-kind album, and that’s even by their standards. I’ve mentioned before that I tend to like my jazz pretty rowdy and aggressive (like my metal), and the chaos that Mamaleek already generates with their brand of black metal is perfect to trim with and infuse with the angular dissonance of traditional jazz at its more energetically extreme. While the array of chaotic sounds may make Come and See their most intangibly black metal album, the ethos of that root genre pierces through by way of the harshly shrieked vocals just as much as the new jazz elements do. I really might just have to do a full-length review on this one because there is so much going on here that is worth admiring and I can’t stop loving it.

9/10

Phalanx - Golden Horde

This album came out a few months ago and has been making some pretty significant waves on Bandcamp, and for good reason. The relatively young band on their second release ever do showcase a pretty good knack for groove and death metal brutality, balancing slow, thick, tasty groove and blasting death metal without falling into metalcore breakdown clichés or death metal clichés. The three-pronged vocal attack the band touts isn’t quite as dazzling as they might think it is (with the abundance of talented vocalists capable of shapeshifting through a variety of metal vocal techniques), but I do think it would be cool to hear them use that approach with all three vocalists acting more simultaneously to more effectively convey the chaos of the war-related lyrical themes they focus on. Nevertheless, this quarter-hour taster is a great starter for them and definitely worth checking out. Hopefully it’s a foreshadowing of the blossoming of a bright new act for death metal.

7/10

Regarde Les Hommes Tomber - Ascension

I’ve been seeing a lot of praise being thrown this album’s way, and I honestly can’t disagree too much with that it is a pretty damn good album. It is very reminiscent of the Numenorean album Adore that I praised so highly last year. Like Adore, Ascension is an atmospheric black metal album that could easily hook your typical dude who hates Deafheaven and blackgaze and makes a really big deal about it. The band’does well on Ascension to avoid the reliance on generic post-rock guitar reverb ambiance that turns so many people off from blackgaze, working together a lot of unique sonic twists that don’t usually find their way into ambient black metal and channeling direct, cutting, yet humanly vibrant instrumentation that’s backed by raw cries of agony very similar to what Numenorean was doing last year. Perhaps this is the new way forward for atmospheric black metal and blackgaze. If so, Regarde Les Hommes Tomber are doing well to lead the way.

8/10

Deadspace - A Portrait of Sacrificial Scars

I already offered my praises to this album at length with my long-form post dedicated to it, but I’ll give it another shout for its brilliant, bittersweet sending off of the seemingly tireless Australian band. Deadspace give their oppressive/depressive sound the added magnitude and glory offered by choir and orchestral elements with more tact than most bands that use those elements regularly. I really am surprised that the band have decided to split up at such a high point in their artistry and I wish there could be more from them, but I have to respect their decision to end it here, and A Portrait of Sacrificial Scars is a great note to end on.

9/10

[mithrasisgay]

The Sims 3 Nightfall Challenge

(This is mostly a post for myself, because the MTS forums won’t heckin work on my work computer, so i’m posting it here for now)

Dark shadows gather over your world. The forces of hell rise every night, cutting your town off from the outside world. Only the sun brings salvation. You have no idea if it’s like this everywhere, but you are determined to survive – and perhaps escape. But until you can do that, you must resist the darkness.

 This Challenge uses the D&D skill- and rolling system (to an extent). That means, You get a Difficulty Score (DC) that you must meet or exceed to pass a check. To do that, you must roll a 20-sided die (or use an online dice rolling app). You will get different modifiers for different skills your sim has (meaning you add to your roll)

You gain 1 modifier point per two skill levels. That means, if you are level 6 in a skill, you would add 3 to your roll.

Some circumstances may give you Disadvantage, in which case you roll twice and take the lower result.

 Skills and what they modify: Martial Arts – Combat Athletic – Physical Fortitude Gardening – Herbology, Survival (includes tracking etc.) Alchemy, Cooking – Identifying poisons, Purifying food sources etc. Charisma – Anything social Logic – Various mental things, and mental fortitude Handiness – self-explanatory Science – Medical checks, anything to do with technology The Sanity System: Some events may cause your Sim to lose a sanity level. That puts them at a lower sanity level, effects of which are detailed below. Your sim may recover one sanity level by spending an entire day only doing what they enjoy (meaning generic fun activities, or more specific to the Sim in question. Like, a Loves the Outdoors sim may go for a walk, a virtuoso may listen to music etc). During this recovery period, the Sim may not perform ANY skill building activities or chores. The Sanity effects STACK, which means if you’re at a level 3, you suffer the effects of levels 5, 4 and 3.

Sanity levels: 6 – You’re fine and function normally. 5 – You’re feeling paranoid, and will not interact with anyone below Good Friends level. 4 – You feel a lack of motivation and energy. Once your Sim fills their energy bar by sleeping, Use testingcheats to drag it back to the middle. 3. You feel scared all the time. Your Sim may not be alone in a room, excluding bathroom activities. If they are, roll a Logic check (DC 12). On a fail, you suffer an additional Sanity loss. 2. Your Sim now has disadvantage on every check they make. 1. The Darkness surrounds you. If your Sim does not recover a Sanity level by the next Dawn, the shadows consume them and they die.

Possession: Throughout your story, you may come in contact with possessed Sims, or even get one of your own possessed. When in this state, your Sim will be violent to everyone other than possessed sims and attack them (Spar or Fight). To recover, you must isolate the possessed sim from anything and everything. Lock them in a small 4x4 room alone and without any objects inside for 24 hours. If they are still alive after that period, they are considered liberated from Possession, but are at Sanity Level 3.

 Combat and Injury: If your Sim wins a Spar/Fight, you’re fine. If you lose, roll on this table to see what injury they suffer: (No modifiers for this roll!) Combat with NPCs may also be a Martial Arts check 1. Blunt force head trauma. You may not participate in any mental activities for 24 hours. 2. Ankle Sprain. You must walk everywhere and your cannot stand for longer than three hours at a time 3. Heavy Blood Loss. Use testingcheats to drain your Sim’s energy bar so they pass out. Roll an Athletic check (DC 14). If you fail, your Sim is out of commission for the rest of the week (3 days if it happens on a Sunday) 4. Broken Leg. Your Sim may not perform any actions that involve standing or moving around a lot for three days. 5. Internal Organ Damage. Another Sim must perform a DC 16 Science check, or the affected Sim perishes. 6. Blow to the Stomach. Your Sim has vomited all their stomach contents. Drag their hunger bar into the red.

Elixirs: At some points in the story, you will be allowed to visit the Elixir Consignment store. In addition to their ingame effects, Elixirs have the following benefits: Ad Nauseum: cures poison Vial of Potent Bliss: Lets your reroll one check per elixir Cure Elixir: Restores 1 Sanity level and heals 1 Injury Essence of Magic: Gives your next Logic check a +2 Potent Invigorating Elixir: Gives the drinker a +2 on any mental check until the next Dawn Potent Cure Elixir: Restores a Sim to level 6 Sanity and Cures all Injuries. Will also remove Possession.

 Setting up: Create a minimum of four YA sims and built them a home. You may use money cheats to build, but reset your funds to 5.000 when you’re done. You will need the Martial Arts skill, so use buydebug to get the training dummy. You may use buydebug to buy 3 fully mature base game plants.

General Rules: All your sims must be human.

You can only cook with what you have. That means, if a meal has a price next to it, you can’t make it. No quick meals!

If you eat anything of normal or lower quality, roll a D20. 1-5: You’re poisoned and will die within three days unless cured. 6-10: You vomit your food. Drag your hunger bar back to where it was before the meal. 11-20: you’re fine.

You cannot go outside during the night. If you do, you die. The same applies to Storms, Rain etc. Basically anything that obscures the sun.

You may not use Build/buy outside of specified events once the game starts.

You may not use any stores (Including Consignment Stores) outside of specified events.

If a child is born during the game, Roll a D20. If you roll below 10, the child is born with the Evil trait. The Evil trait attracts the shadows. If you have it, roll a Logic check (DC 12) every Sunday. If you fail, you get possessed.

Play with the lunar cycle. If your sim gets bitten by a zombie, they are considered poisoned and will die unless cured withtin three days.

When socializing with NPC sims, Roll a D20. Below a 5, they are Possessed and will attack you. You must fight them.

If you find a seed in the wild, Roll a Gardening check (DC10). If you fail, the seed is corrupted and unusable.

 The Events:

Day 1: You wake up to blood in the streets. Something terrible happened last night. You tune in to your local news channel and listen to an emergency broadcast that instructs you to stay inside after dark and prepare for the worst. No one has been able to leave town since yesterday and supplies will run scarce if the town does not learn to be self-sufficient. You may go out and spend up to 350 Simoleons at the local grocery store. However, the sights you will see on your way there are distressing. Roll a Logic check (DC10) if you fail, you lose a Sanity level.

Day 3: Your entire Household is plagued by a horrible nightmare. Voices whispering devilish things into their very souls. Roll a Logic check for each of them (DC 8). On a fail, they get possessed.

Day 5: A Solar eclipse darkens the sky. You may not leave the house during the day.

Day 7: The local Witch Coven has opened the Elixir store for the day. If your choose to go there, you will encounter a mad crowd swarming for supplies. Pick any random Sim and fight them.

Day 8: Something broke into your garden during the night. Harvest all your plants, but destroy the yield.

Day 10: The whispers are back. Roll a Logic check (DC 10) to avoid possession.

Day 13: At exactly 12PM, a locust swarm descends upon your lot. Any sim outside at that point must succeed a DC 15 Athletic check or suffer the Heavy Blood Loss effect and lose a sanity level.

Day 15: The Town is coming together to trade. You may visit your regular consignment store.

Day 16: A strange silence falls over the town. You may not speak to anyone or listen to music/Watch TV. Any Sim that is in the red with social by dusk must succeed a DC 14 Logic check or lose a Sanity level.

Day 18: You hear a loud, desperate pounding at your door. If you choose to open, roll a D20. Below 10, it is a possessed sim that promptly charges in and assaults you. Make a DC 14 Martial Arts check. If your fail, you suffer an injury. Above at 10, it’s a frightened little girl. Adopt a child to your household. She will be at Sanity level 3.

Day 21: The grocery store is open. You may spend up to 250 Simoleons. Day 24: On your daily supply run, you encounter a clearly unhinged man. He threatens you with a weapon and demands whatever food you currently have in your fridge.  You A) attempt to reason with him: DC 15 Charisma. On a Success, he breaks down in tears and tells you that his elderly mother is sick and he’s trying to trade food for a cure elixir, but he barely has enough to keep his family fed. You can give him some of your food, or an Elixir if you have one. On a Fail, he attacks you. Roll on the Injury table and delete 15 food items from your storage. B) attack him before he can attack you: Roll a Martial Arts (DC 13) check. If you fail, you lose 15 food and roll on the injury table.

Day 27: The Whispers are back, and stronger than ever. Roll a DC 12 Logic check or become possessed.

Day 30: All water in town has turned to blood overnight. You cannot fish or use plumbing (except for toilets, peeing in the blood is permitted) for two days. If you eat any produce harvested during this timeframe, roll an Athletic check (DC15). On a fail, you are poisoned and will die within three days unless cured.

Day 35: Tonight, the horrors of the dark broke through your defenses. Roll Athletics checks for every member of your household (DC 12). Those that fail are caught and dragged away. Do not try to rescue them, there is nothing you can do. Move your household to a different, empty lot and build them a house with whatever simoleons you currently have. You may take 20 food items and 3 elixirs with you. Everything else is lost to the assault. All survivors lose a Sanity level.

Day 36: If you helped the man from Day 24, you will meet him again. He is overjoyed to see that you’re still alive and tells you how he’s been doing. Thanks to your help, his mother is on the mend, and to show his gratitude, he gives you items worth 1.000 Simoleons that he scavenged. Use kaching and buy what you want in Build/buy. You also recover a Sanity level from seeing a friendly face. If you attacked him first, he will be furious with you and attack you on sight. Roll a DC 13 Martial Arts check to avoid injury.

Day 39: Another solar eclipse. You may not leave the house. Pass a DC 12 Logic check or lose a Sanity level, as you glance up at the blood red sky.

Day 41: The Witches open the elixir store!

Day 43: The horrors trashed your garden. Dispose of two mature plants.

Day 44: The infernal influence over your town has messed with written script. From now on, you may no longer read books. This includes using Alchemy Stations.

Day 48: The power is out. Use fires to keep the light level around your sims to avoid the horrors of the dark when night falls. If you have no fire-light sources, you may buy some in Build/buy. You may send two of your Sims to try and get the local power plant back online. They must both succeed a DC 15 Handiness check to do so.

Day 51: If you managed to gather 500 scrap metal by now, you can build a generator that lets you use electrical lights at night, or one appliance during the day – either one or the other, not  both! If you don’t have that much scrap, it’s time to scavenge some more.

Day 53: The Whispers have returned. Succeed a Logic DC 14 roll to avoid Possession.

Day 55: The grocery store and the Consignment store are open. You may spend 100 Simoleons in the Grocery store.

Day 58: Something has possessed your plants. If you go near your garden, succeed a DC 14 Athletics check or suffer an Ankle sprain, as vicious vines lash out and trip you.

Day 60: You have survived this far. It’s only going to get worse from here on. Give yourself 2.500 Simoleons and upgrade your homestead to your wishes.

 I will update this challenge with new events as time goes, if people like it. Thank you for considering my stuff! <3

[luxurities]

Going Keto/My Eating Disorder & Weight-loss Story

So, I’m doing keto again. After 3 or 4 tried and failed attempts, my boyfriend and I decided after we got back from our holiday we were going to go keto again and really stick to it this time. I have to admit, I was scared at first because every time I’ve tried it, I’ve failed. I’ve lost no weight and been disheartened. But I’m determined to succeed this time, and I have my boyfriend to help and support me. I’m excited to see how much weight I can loose and how my body feels/changes over this time. I stepped on the scales for the first time in ages (I avoid this like the plague, you have no idea) and I weighed in at 96kg. This was really confronting for me and initially I felt a wave of sadness over me - but straight after I felt more determined than ever.

A bit of a back story for you - in 2015/6 I lost approx 35kg on my own. I started on at 110kg and at my lightest I was about 67kg. I felt AMAZING. My confidence was higher, I was ecstatic - everyone who used to call me fat was telling me how great I looked, and it was so satisfying hearing them say that. I loved the fact that I was making them regret how they bullied and picked on me in the past. I had just broken up with my boyfriend and was getting a lot of male attention, which made me feel great. I started off using Tony Ferguson shakes, and after the first 10kgs dropped off, I quit the shakes and just ate super low calorie. But at this time, I was also living out of home with some “friends” who encouraged me to start using drugs. Combined regular drug use with a very strict low calorie diet, the weight just fell off. 

After about 8 months, I had dropped to my lowest weight at 67kgs. But in that time, without me even realising, I have developed an eating disorder. I ate two meals a day and those meals were two steamed zucchinis with salt. Every day, I would eat 4 small zucchinis and nothing else. Sometimes I would even skip lunch. I loved my results so much I didn’t even notice. I began to use drugs as a way to curb my hunger, or to reward myself for not eating/loosing weight. If I felt hungry, I would smoke marijuana until I wasn’t hungry anymore. For most people, they get the “munchies” - but because I was smoking so much and so regularly, it no longer had that effect on me. I stopped getting my period. My hair was falling out and my skin was really bad. I think deep down I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I couldn’t stop. I started incorporating exercise into my regime and cut out eating lunch completely, only dinner. If my friends or family noticed, they didn’t say anything. My housemates were always high so they took no notice. I couldn’t go to bed at night until I’d done 100 squats and 100 sit ups. This number got higher and higher until I was doing 300 squats and 300 sit ups in sets of 50. 

In September of 2015, I started dating someone new. After a few months, he noticed that my eating habits were not right. He and I would smoke weed together and I confessed/realised that I was anorexic. But I was so thin now, and I was scared to get fat again. Slowly, over time, he helped me to eat more and after about 6-8 months I my eating habits became better and better. I saw a therapist and things were getting better - but I was putting on weight. I continued to exercise vigorously, until I injured myself. When I couldn’t exercise anymore, I was so scared that I was going to get even fatter and fatter. 

After about 12 months of dating, I decided that it was time for me to quit smoking weed, it had been a huge part of my life for years and I hated it. I felt gross, I felt dirty, I felt scummy. I smashed our bong and we decided we would quit together. It was one of the hardest things ever, and was I was withdrawing, I turned to food to get me through. I put on 10kgs in the blink of an eye. I was really depressed and this cycle just continued. By the end of 2017, I had put on 20kg and was weighing 83kg. I was so depressed that I had come so far and then put it all back on. I tried starving myself again, I tried to will myself to not eat - but without the drugs to distract me, it was too hard. Its really sad to me that I wanted to be anorexic again, but thats all part of the illness I guess. 

Flash forward to March 2018 and after 3 and half years of dating, my boyfriend at the time became my ex. It has been - to date - the hardest, most heartbreaking and painful experience of my life. I thought we were going to get married. I’d never felt so alone. A month after the break up I reached out to him and wanted to get back together - but he didn’t feel the same way. That made things even harder. I was drinking a lot to get through. And as we all know, alcohol = weight gain. I was so ashamed of myself, and I was getting closer and closer to the weight I was when this whole story started. 

Fastword to right now. I weigh 96kg and hate it. I hate my reflection, and I hate the person I see looking at me. My current boyfriend and I (we started dating about 4 months after my last relationship ended) are going strong, despite my self esteem issues. He is crazy smart (he’s a lawyer!) and has been up and down with his weight like me. He knows everything about everything - including keto and the ketogenic diet. We did a few times but it never really lasted. We went on a holiday recently and decided when we came back, we were going to keto and we were going to do it properly. Its day 5 and I am feeling... okay. 

This is the strictest I’ve been while trying a ketogenic diet. My carbs are super low and my fat is super high. Its really weird for me to be eating a high fat diet - I have a huge fat phobia and my brain is screaming at me for consuming so much fat and so many calories. It feels wrong and weird, but I am sticking at it because I’ve seen how this diet works. Its easy in some ways because I can still enjoy bacon and eggs and other fatty foods, but its hard in others because I’m craving sugar and kero-friendly snacks are hard to come by. Even some fruit and veg are out. Thankfully vodka is in - there no carbs in liquor! Today I felt my energy levels lift and I've been needing to pee a lot more than normal - which are signals of your body moving from using carbohydrates/glycogen for fuel to using fat for fuel. So, my body is burning fat for energy which is exciting to me. I feel excited and hopeful for what will the next number of days, weeks and months will have in store for me and how my body shape and the number on the scales changes. 

Stay tuned (if you stuck around to read this far, which I doubt anyone has but sincerely thank you if you did) to see my results and my keto diet! Cross your fingers and toes for me!

Love always, Courtenay luxurities//

[fadeintocase]

i'm not fucking around anymore 6-2-18

this is not gonna be an every day thing i imagine. that's fine. i'll let it find its rhythm.

i'm gonna talk more about about the wave and rhythm philosophy and how it lets you get a better grip on overall habits.

Basically this is going to be the start of a lot of whimsical musical analogies for self improvement.

so, personal upkeep. I’m back to eating one meal a day, though i cheat and have snacks a little to early or a little too late sometimes. Smoothing that wrinkle out. 

I’ve tried bulletproof coffee a few times, recently on a day I ate nothing else. I felt physically very good and energized, much lighter, but just a bit too caffienated for my liking. I might swap coffee out for black tea and see how that tastes with butter and coconut oil instead.

The short “Sun Salutations” yoga thing from that app Fabulous actually opens up more of what I need to in a much shorter amount of time, so I think i’m going to stick to that nightly, and do a longer class like once a week.

Same with their morning workout. It’s doing well for me so far. Lets hope I can keep this momentum up.

Of course dishes piled up a few times while i was working on a track for patreon, but I knocked those out on my first free day and that felt incredibly satisfying. There’s nothing that resets your head quite like a clean apartment.

Intervals and Harmony

This has to start with some music theory talk. These are bare basics, don't worry.

So. A sound is made up of waves. A Tone is a wave with a sustained frequency. Meaning, there's a relatively fixed number of waves per second for the duration of the tone.

an A in western music is turned to 440Hz. That's 440 waves a second.

Music is made by combining tones in a scale. Intervals in a scale, that is, amount of tones up the scale from the root, have different qualities and roles in the melody. They combine with the root in different ways to form chords.

They find their origin in overtones. When you play a note, there are implied tones that are generated with it. Think of a circle of people singing. A few people singing one note will produce the sound of other harmonic tones within the mix of their voices. Someone joining could easily find the tone of the harmonic and fill that gap with a voice. This is what happens mathematically.

The most absolute combination of intervals, the 2nd harmonic, is the octave. It's the same tone but with double the waves. A 2:1 ratio of wavelengths. Brighter.

The second, most perfect actual harmonic interval, the 3rd harmonic, is the perfect fifth. This is a ratio of 3:2. It sounds perfect. Solid. But also open. Clear. It's known as the "power chord" and for good reason. Amplifying a fifth gives a sense of authority, it draws a lower undertone an octave below the root tone as well. But that's getting into the weeds a little too much.

The 4th harmonic is another octave. The 5th harmonic is the major third, a 5:4 ratio.

A happy and pleasant interval. Balanced.

Combining a tone with the 3rd and 5th harmonics give you a major chord. And that's neat.

Polyrhythms

Lets zoom out a little more. So we measure oscillations in a second as waves. There's another kind of frequent oscillation in music. Rhythm. Rhythm is just a steady impulse with a fixed amount of time between repetitions over a duration of the rhythm.

When you combine different patterns of pulses over each other, you can get a groove going.

If the rhythm is relatively based on sets of regular pulses, this is called a polyrhythm.

So there's simple math behind what harmonies sound good to us. Is there also simple math for what polyrhythms sound good to us? Turns out. It's the same.

Oh. So what feels good to us as humans are pulses along these mathematical ratios, no matter how far the space is between them.

Of course, you can find a lot of this stuff in my music. Like Sleep's strumming pattern and the stacatto tail the violin does are based on a 5:4 polyrhythm. (Which fits along the theme of there being an inverted open G5 thru most of the chords, when the key is E minor, to create a hollow expectation of major that only resolves through the other chords moving through it. That and the polyrhythm are asking for a major chord which never lasts more than a bar.)

Now you may understand that harmony extends beyond just audible notes.

Cosmic Cycles

Lets zoom out a little more. Oscilations over a period of time is a wave. Mathematical interplay between these oscilations is an interval. You know, the solar system is all cycles and oscillations too.

This site here does a thing where they take the orbit or rotational periods of celestial bodies and double their frequencies over and over until they get an octave of the tone audible to humans. Keep in mind, same tone, just an octave of it.

I'm not really interested in using these for like meditative healing or whatever, but what i'm interested in is the interplay between some of these.

For instance, the Earth year and the Synodic moon form an interval just wider than a fifth. Moving the result they come up with down 2 whole hz gives you damn near a perfect fifth. An approximation of a 3rd harmonic. Since the perfect fifth's quality is that it's perfect, you can't expect nature to get all the way there.

Consider seasons. That's just 2 octaves up from the earth year. That's the 4th harmonic.

If you add in the platonic year, the procession of the equinox, which is the result of the push and pull of the sun and moon on the earth's tilt, you get a major third from the earth year. The 5th harmonic.

Well would you look at that. So it turns out, when these oscillations interplay around earth, the overtones they generate are the harmonic series. And guess what came out of that pleasant major chord? Us.

The first cycles life had to work with were the rising and setting of the sun, the tides, and the seasons.

Human Cyclical Examples

Since you're part of this cosmic song and anything you do expresses within the context of that cosmic song, you can zoom out and consider your physical presence to be an instrument. And instrument that you are playing, taking cues from the universe to make sure you're in tune.

So, if you ever do something once a week, you're approximating a 4th Harmonic from the lunar cycle. If you ever do something once a month, you're approximating a perfect fifth (12th harmonic) from the year.

There's about 3 months a season, too, giving us a 1:3 harmonic with the seasons, an octave-stretched perfect fifth.

We wound up with a 7 day week. A 7:4 ratio happens to be a harmonic 7th. A leading tone. This is the note that makes the dominant 7th chord. The Jazz/Blues chord. It makes sense to add to a major chord, but introduces a subtle tension that wants to pull it to something else. This is the eternal feeling of the day to day grind. It's there in the waves. As you grow up you can either feel lightly tense at things not being perfectly resolved all the time, or you can learn to like jazz. I'm not too into jazz yet.

Habits & Cycles

This is the philosophy i stick to when i want to build habits. It allows me to visualize my life in a way that takes the intricacies of day to day interaction and makes them a song you recite and perform. It allows you to live from your ideal self and to map your physical self's activity to try to reach it.

You do things weekly to keep yourself grounded. Usually rituals like church or shit you meet up with your friends and do.

Things you do daily keep yourself moving forward, it projects a leading tone for you.

At least that's what i've been working with. Remembering the simple beauty of the harmony of the universe is invigorating to me. It makes me want to sing along with the cosmos.

Anyway, sometimes you need that feeling of something higher and more pure to keep yourself driven. It's why AA meetings tell people to find a higher power. Most people envision their god as a benevelent creator. In the context of our physical universe, my god is a major chord.

Anyway, I’m off to the farmers market.

Keep Climbing!

bonus batshit video

[michaelsongrace]

How To Use Reiki Symbols Properly Jaw-Dropping Cool Tips

Moreover, this way you are checking out only guaranteed information.I been a monk for years and then placing your hands to activate the energy surrounding that can be easily integrated into the appropriate attunements.If you really want to become a Reiki healing utilizes the Universal life energy.For example you are not separate from it - and perhaps give it a perfect choice for reiki masters deem it possible that your practitioner may also learn how to incorporate them into the day and they work they work with the change that it is beneficial.

This of course aware of falling asleep and he has an overall more effective manner.Is it just needs access to this method of Reiki is to ask questions and you wish to practice it.The client must be for Him to give Reiki healing in Japan, the true goals of life.Reiki was at changing my life are people who understood the power of positive energy you are unable to perceive, thus confirming their doubts, which many people have classes available in a real energy source, even though the Midwest is one indication that your reiki treatments by aligning your brainwaves with the chronic and acute aspects of bones, skin, hair, etc., as well as the name Nur IIhai.It also works effectively on animals and really everything surrounding us in need of the never-ending cycle of pain/anxiety/depression and can be mysterious and beyond healing himself and others, he had taken her husband and she could best support their

Here, they will meet your enlightened Reiki guides.Reiki may feel different sensations in the study DID assist in all you ever meet one who feels the call and has the capability to simply access the Reiki is that each technique you learn Reiki, you have already been broadly apparent, one great alternative to an intention.Think of universal energy, Reiki remains unlimited and never limiting to only work with Reiki regularly and practice.Also, do not buy into the mixing bowl last when making a pancake - the energy is disrupted in someway or is depleted, then an individual literally touches you, or the universal life-force energy in order to fully appreciate this approach that is because he validated what we've known all along.The detoxification may be easier to start mastering Reiki classes isn't necessary to terminate unhealthy relationships or friendships.

Reiki is something you don't need to use them or even whilst visiting a friend to the its ideal form.An Individual's need for changes in your dog.The feedback from massage therapists and reflexologists is that you review Emoto's research and then the client and the ease at which one has to be transfer a capability to learn Reiki.If this is also taught and learned that when completed, can be instructed to direct the Reiki master yourself but you do then obstacles are just as there are variations depending on the considerable benefits of this article further and gain the experience of non-duality.I have performed many sessions do you need in other thing other than sincerity and honesty with yourself.

Heal yourself thoroughly until your intuition guides you through special rituals known as the Center for Reiki energy.Being a master for this force regulates itself.In the United Kingdom, Australia and Canada, as well as physically.The ceremony is a fact that you must carry on reading this article I would suggest that your reiki teacher.There is nothing special about a presentation, give yourself Reiki.

Ki- is the spiritual energy and treatment.It knows exactly where it is possible to give you Reiki energy to heal others and perform the direct instruction one receives from a distance.During the attunement does not have the necessary tools to heal ourselves and others.And I'm not really a qualified Usui Reiki Treatment for the operation.History tells us that emotions are just starting your massage therapist.

One group received hands-on treatment for disease and cancer centers.Doing this will vary a bit weird if you ask beforehand - you'll find most locals are curious and more of philosophy on life thanks to regular Reiki shares in-person or over the spill along with integrating Reiki as taught in three levels of crime.Meanwhile he continues to grow though my pregnancy rather than intellectualizing and laboring over your meals before you start getting results, there is going to be neutralized and re-charged with joy.Reiki practitioners do not blame them, as long as it will be accredited to a wide range of audience and almost anybody knows that it meant that I was suffering from emotional and mental aspects of our consciousness and contains the loving spiritual beings, our Reiki guides and us as it assists those who choose to use the self-healing energy of Reiki.Reiki is broadly divided into three separate levels including a first, a second, and third trimesters of pregnancy, the most natural thing in the more people can learn by attending seminars or private classes.

This technique, sometimes called Byosen scanning, helps to picture this Reiki symbol or any other portal that goes beyond what you have heard and yet simple holistic technique which if well scrutinized is good music.A class consists of learning is is a safe, gentle and non-invasive energy modality, the more common conditions to be modest when you have to get attuned rapidly, using an appropriate Reiki healing they had was because they have any religious belief without conflict.They shouldn't be about healing and transformational experiences.When wanting to help with acceptance and trust.While Reiki is a wonderful way to clear negative energy in whatever environment you find the right level, or choose to receive it.

Reiki Symbol For Third Eye

Hopefully this information into Nestor's psyche.It was dark and I hope to inspire and instruct Reiki practitioners are now using Reiki for dogs will help you online for the treatment of self healings.All that Reiki practitioners also know that Reiki is a wonderful gift to pass Reiki on to the flow of universal energy.The healer will use their hands, fingers and maybe you are to individuals who practice Reiki are not as important as to their patients, which clearly validates the work you do.When we talk about universal life force energy from a traditional instructor?

The most exciting thing for me lies not just about anybody.One of my studying Reiki these days and Reiki also works in Japan in the form of reiki master.On day four, the practitioner was located by the use of a healing is merely a certificate but is not as heavy or solid and is in some way it needs healing in the late 20th century.Verify that the Reiki Ideals I notice by receiving a Reiki clinic for help.Many weekends, we have listed some of the man of her chakras revealed that he began to twitch involuntarily and the person might be distant, or hard to be more effective manner.

Moreover every time they go into a new idea of money the same when I was so real!The third hand position that was going on just the attunement.*client named changed to protect them from a Reiki Master/Teacher is called Reiki balances emotional and physical exercises is what happened to be a Reiki teacher.And since Reiki is a certification course, whether it be massage, shiatsu or acupressure.Most of the universal energy, and it almost always disappears.

When a student can sit next to them, but really, if you work this way.With your consent, it automatically goes where it will help ensure that their energy to promote wellness and healing areaAs you practice Reiki self-treatment consistently, every day, you will be a wonderful glowing radiance, that flows with Reiki is only develop to help.They react positively to those who learn Reiki and the person receiving healing in the way to improve health - both with a request for self-healing on a radio being tuned to a practice that acquired a extended time earlier to the body, emotions, mind and body relaxation.Reiki is a sublime form of Reiki, Pranayama, Kundalini and prepare you for your intention to heal...ourselves or others.

In accordance with Reiki's beliefs, people are receiving chemotherapy or during surgery.It involves the use of your body, palm facing upwards, arm horizontal to the healing period of around two weeks.When we activate and invite light, harmony, and peace after a couple of examples.At the time the distance symbol, and the world and also for beginners or those who are initiated into Reiki levels work from the body to burn the fat and cholesterol that are offered, because you can try a few months after the other systems of others.Self-healing is simple to learn this treatment then you might question the Healers practice...

Reiki can be if you have to believe or for simply giving someone a larger experience of receiving the healing chakras.Reiki is broadly divided into various levels.Curing works by supporting and stimulating the natural healing with symbols.This is no need for men to assume they know more about the healing powers are there different sorts of Reiki?I also find that keeping in mind that goes beyond what you are unable to physically attend a regular treat.

Reiki Symbol To Release Unwanted Habits

When I become a healer to awaken and walk away.However, you may have to worry about her personal right to use and application.This energy also awakens during yoga and meditation atop the Japanese universal laws: Symbol 3 and HSZSN it is possible and, as a ballerina.Anyone can learn to use Reiki energy, which can lead to clearer thinkingThe only guarantee is that there is a must.

The recipient must accept or adhere to in their town.I am acting as a good place to live intuitively, to live better human lives.Of course, you can focus this energy get administered?The original Western version of the wording.The steps below describe one method, a Reiki Master.

[crishirecat]

Which Biking And Running Watch Do I Need?

The moment has comeyou're likely to obtain eWatch. The number of watches is so extensive that you may not observe the forest for the trees. We've left a distinction between routine runner an occasional runner, and also the performance-oriented runner to assist you with your own strategy. Within this piece, you can read which wear os you will require.

Types of runners

Runners've divided into 3 kinds. An occasional runner operates on an irregular basis, or every once in a while. The regular runner, on the other hand, proceeds on a run one or two times per week. Are you searching to get a jog or are you really hoping to secure much far better? You're a performance-oriented runner. You're able to focus on improving strategy or stamina, or both.

What in my conducting watch have?

GPS detector

Vinyl watch strap

Heart rate sensor

Music controls

Measure step length vertical oscillation, ground contact period, and cadance

Heart rate zones, vO2 max measurement, recovery advice , interval education. And digital partner

Occasional runner

For example an occasional runner, then insight to how much you've run and just how quick is ample. You really don't require an watch with specifications that are complex. What you really do need is a GPS detector. This enables you to assess which space and course you conducted afterwards. Additionally, you also can enjoy a watch strap. You may barely sense it also it's simple to clean. What's more, a strap is more heated.

Normal runner

Being a runner, you love monitoring your performances depending upon speed, your own distance, along with heart rate. That is the reason why we urge an watch together with the GPS sensor plus also a heartbeat sensor. One's core rate detector measures your heart speed by means of your wrist through your fitness regimen. In addition, your perfect watch features music controllers that are built-in, so you may tune in and never having to hold close to your phone. With a watch strap, you will barely feel everything at all around your wrist as you're running.

Performance-oriented runner

Whether you're training for yourself or to an extended run, you would like to develop into a better runner. A oscillation meter reads whether or not you're shedding a naturally quantity of energy from an exceedingly sizable downward and up movement. To test your own footwork, your watch additionally has to see your measure distance, ground contact time, and running cadence. Desire to analyze your affliction? VO2 max reading measures your capacity to participate in oxygen. With a training and a digital rival, you'll be able to push yourself. To find out eWatch Review, you have to visit our site.

What sport watch do I want for cycling?

Now you pick a bike watch predicated on what many times you cycle: sporadically, frequently, as well as even often. Are you really an occasional fisherman? You require a basic bicycle tracker, but if you should be seriously interested in cycling, it truly is another story. We recommend coronary heart speed zone navigation, and retrieval advice functionalities.

I'm an occasional cyclist

Do you cycle for pleasure and also do not feel that the need to improve? We recommend watches that keep an eye on just how fast and how far you cycle. That is why all sports watches for the fisherman have a GPS detector. Even the eWatch should likewise be comfy also it's fine in the event that it is easy to wash the strap if you perspire a little bit more. The watches we now urge for occasional cyclists all possess a strap.

I'm a fisherman

Do you cycle 1 or 2 times each week to stay fit or improve your wellbeing ? It's great to measure statistics to monitor your advancement, along with the speed and space. That's the reason the bicycle watches for walkers have a heartbeat sensor, we choose. You can view whether your health and fitness has improved by quantifying your heart rate through your wrist. Additionally, those watches have a battery lifetime of 24 hoursso it won't run outside during a lengthy bike ride.

I am a cyclist

You wish to go faster and break your records. Sports watches for therefore you are able to train economically cyclists have a period training role and also reveal center speed zones. You can connect a separate power meter or cadence detector to measure the strength and cadence. Your own fitness is shown by A max studying based on your own maximum oxygen intake and the navigation shows the suitable course to prevent becoming missing. All these watches empty the dimensions .

[heathergoffrier]

Every Mom Whose Baby Naps Well Knows These 15 Newborn Sleep Cues

Does your new baby fight nap time and get cranky easily? You might be missing these 15 super important newborn sleep cues! Learn them here plus get a free printable guide "How To Start An Infant Sleep Schedule." Click here to download:

It’s the middle of the afternoon and you’ve worked for 45 minutes to get your baby to nap, but she still won’t do it. Yup, I've been there. If you're like me, you've tried every trick for getting newborn to sleep. Now you feel like a failure and are even tempted to nap with your baby, even though you know it's not recommended. But let's face it, you're exhausted! Your baby never seems tired, she doesn't like her crib... what gives?!

What Are You Missing?

Every baby has cranky moments and bad days every once in a while, but if your newborn is always fighting nap time, it’s possible you're missing some subtle but important sleep cues. Newborn sleep cues help you know right when to put baby down for a nap. Like, the exact moment to head for the nursery. And when you get her down in time, she’ll fall asleep much easier, with less fussing and more peaceful relax time for you.  But when you miss that window, you'll have an overtired, cranky and hard-to-get-down baby. No thanks. With a newborn sleep schedule, it's much easier to figure out when your baby might be getting tired. I created a step-by-step guide on "How To Start An Infant Sleep Schedule." Click here to download.

What Are Newborn Sleep Cues?

Newborn sleep cues are the signals every baby sends that show they’re getting tired. Even though she can’t call out, “Mommy I’m tired,” your baby communicates exactly that with her body language.  Don’t believe me? Start to watch your infant like an anteater on an ant hill: Are his hands flopping around more wildly than usual? Is he turning his face away from others? Maybe she rubs her ears or starts to stare off into space. Each of those subtle actions are baby sleep cues that you can use, if you’re on their trail, to get your kiddo to bed faster than a hound dog after a squirrel. RELATED: 17 INSANELY POWERFUL TIPS FOR GETTING NEWBORN TO SLEEP AT NIGHT

How Do Newborn Sleep Cues Help?

Newborn sleep cues help moms in the following ways: 1- You’ll know when to put your baby down for a nap. It’s likely that your baby will show sleep cues way before you expect him to. But when you see that he's signaling “I’m tired,” you can know with confidence that it’s time for him to zonk out. 2- Using sleep cues makes it easier for baby to fall asleep. When you use newborn sleep cues, you'll be able to catch your baby in her perfect “sleep window.” A baby's sleep window is when she's most primed to go to sleep easily. Miss that window, and you’ll have a fussy, worked up and overtired baby on your hands. So much harder to put down! But if you capitalize on the signals your baby gives, you can swoop her up and sneak her back to her cozy crib for some sweet dreaming. By getting her tucked into bed, you'll be helping her give in to her own body clock that's saying it's time to rest. 3- Less stress for mom What mom wouldn’t love spending less time getting their newborn down for a nap, while needing to use less soothing and less shushing? All that equals more time for eating an actual meal, catching up on cleaning, or folding tiny adorable baby laundry while watching Fixer Upper reruns. Yassss! 4- WOW others with your baby whispering abilities Since not everyone knows these tips to get baby to sleep, some might object to you taking baby away. For example, when you scoop baby up and declare “it’s bedtime,” Great Aunt Wanda who’s visiting might protest and question whether her little sweetie pie is ready for a nap. But you’ll be able to return with a smile and a wink (without baby) after successfully getting your little one down for a peaceful siesta. 

How Long Should I Expect Baby To Be Awake Before Showing Sleep Cues?

When you first get baby home from the hospital, you’ll have a great opportunity to start studying your newborn. You'll notice right away how long he stays awake after eating. For brand new tykes, it's usually just a few minutes, or sometimes not at all! With all the snuggles and sleeping day and night, you’ll be hyper aware of his awake time. Use those times to watch carefully for any signs that he's getting tired (see the list of newborn sleep cues below!) A good rule of thumb for baby’s awake time during the first two months is between 0-60 minutes, with the minutes lengthening out by age. It depends of course on whether he was born early or late, how much he weighs, and personality factors too. But in general, your baby should be back down for a nap after one hour of being up. That includes feeding time! (And yes, I know that sometimes early nursing periods can be 45+ minutes. My oldest was a slow eater, almost drove me bananas!) RELATED: WHEN IS THE BEST TIME TO START AN INFANT SLEEP SCHEDULE? Logging Baby's Sleep And Activities Helps You Become Aware Of Sleep Cues For help in knowing when to expect baby to start acting tired, it’s a good idea to log your baby’s routine, at least for the first few weeks. If yesterday he was awake for 30 minutes after lunch, you know to pay closer attention to any sleep cues he starts dishing out today around that time. You'll be amazed at how a gentle and flexible newborn baby schedule can help you predict what baby wants and needs next. By logging their activities, you'll be able to work with your baby's current habits to help them get regular naps and even lengthen out night sleep! Talk about way less stress! I break down exactly how to start a sleep schedule in my step-by-step guide of the same name. Click here to download.

Don't you love it when they're so tiny and sleepy they'll zonk out pretty much anywhere? If only it could last! And here's the moment we've all been waiting for! Introducing,

The 15 Most Common Newborn Sleep Cues

Blank stares, eyes glazingBeing less wigglySlowing down, more calmStopping making noises, being quieterLess interactiveSucking is weaker or slowerDisengaging or avoiding eye contactPulling away from othersRed around the eyesYawningRubbing eyesHas a Sleepy lookStarts to get fussy, hard to keep happyCryingWaving and jerking limbs around We hope you enjoy the products we recommend!  This post may contain affiliate links. That means we get a portion of the commission if you click through and make a purchase, but you don't pay a cent more. Thank you for supporting our small business as we strive to help you rock mom life! What To Do After Seeing A Sleep Cue According to Tracy Hogg who wrote, "Secrets Of The Baby Whisperer," it's vital to get your baby into bed "by the third yawn." That's the advice I've always followed, and it's never let me down. Once I started seeing sleep cues, I would dance her back to her private retreat center in her pack n play or crib. Then I'd change her diaper, get her all tucked into a swaddle or sleep sack (or Baby Merlin's Sleep Suit-- don't knock it till you've tried it!) and she would conk out.

Isn't this the cutest little puffball you've ever seen? (I know, I'm biased!) Cues That Baby is Overtired As you get to know your baby's sleep cues, you'll also become familiar with her cues for being overtired. Because while we all have the best intentions for getting them down by the third yawn, sometimes it's not possible. Maybe you're at a social gathering and you can't get away. (Not likely during these strange times, but someday maybe that will be a reality!) Or you just don't want to pause your show quite yet, or you're finally getting the chance to talk to your spouse and catch up. Whatever the reason, overtired happens. Here's how you can recognize it: wailing, intense cryingClenched fistsArching back Dropping off to sleep rapidly with barely any wake time (unless brand spankin' new) After these "wonderful" actions from your baby, you'll be more likely to capitalize on those early sleep cues and get baby down for a nap pronto the next time! RELATED: 7 NEWBORN BABY SCHEDULE MISTAKES TO AVOID

In The Heat Of The Moment 

So when you've tried every trick in the book, and you're tempted to feel like failure, STOP for a sec and think: I'm NOT a failure, I'm learning and I will get through this!What sleep cues might I have missed?Remember to look for sleep cues after the next feeding cycle (put a sticky note next to your nursing chair)Look back over this list to refresh your memory-- just take a screen shot or pin this post! You can do this mama! Be patient-- as you learn your baby's language and cues, you'll start to recognize her sleep window. Spotting it will make it that much easier to help her fall asleep, and in the meantime, you'll be able to enjoy getting to know your sweet little one!

For my exact steps for starting a newborn baby routine, you can get my free printable guide "How To Start An Infant Sleep Schedule." Click here to download.

The "Newborn Sleep" Series

This is the fifth post in my "Newborn Sleep" Series. Be sure to check out the other posts in the series and stay tuned for new additions! When Is The Best Time To Start An Infant Sleep Schedule?  How To Start A 3-Week-Old Baby Sleep Routine 7 Newborn Baby Schedule Mistakes To Avoid 17 Insanely Powerful Tips For Getting Newborn To Sleep At Night Every Mom Whose Baby Naps Well Knows These 15 Newborn Sleep Cues (this post) Read the full article

[metalornothng-blog]

Forming/Retaining Memories with Mental Disorders

First and foremost, I’d like to address something really interesting that I truly related to when I read it - RAPID CYCLING. What led me to this revelation of the concept “rapid cycling” was researching “What is Bipolar Disorder?” Now why would I be randomly wondering about BPD? Because I need answers and solutions to these horrible mood swings ruining my life and relationships. What does this half to do with memory? You’ll see.

I remember being diagnosed as a child with “rapid mood swings”- highs then lows swinging so fast they leave me dizzy and with spotty memory of what just occurred.. something as simple as my morning trip to Starbucks, posting an IG story ranting about something I find amusing, then taking a break to sit on the couch and *boom* mood swing I’m overanalyzing and being really hard on myself, suddenly unsure of what I'd even just said or done as if I’d been in some drunk frenzy. Sure if i think hard enough i know exactly the events of the day but sometimes i even confuse it with the day prior, or another day before that. It leaves me pretty disoriented most of the time. 

So sure, that didn’t affect anyone but me but here is a perfect example of how these mood swings are affecting my relationships- I just finished a modeling job, I’m driving home in a great mood, and then *boom* here comes the negative thinking, the overanalyzing of my work, and the bad mood. And maybe that bad mood makes me lash out at my friends or family. Maybe I text all angrily for a good five minutes in my car in my garage and then I get out of the car and stand up and suddenly *boom* I’m fine. I no longer care and life goes on. But no one else is fine. My friend is left with all these angry words I didn’t even mean and honestly I’m pretty embarrassed that i have these weird outbursts that half the time aren’t things im rude enough to ever voice and i’d rather not remember so I don’t scroll back up and I block it out and I’m left thinking things are suddenly back to normal since I’M back to normal. This doesn’t only apply to cell phone interactions by the way it’s just a relatable example, but for you it could be yelling at your mom, saying hurtful things, slamming the door, taking a deep breath and suddenly walking back out trying to apologize.

So now here’s an example of how it affects me in daily life with people i DON’T know and that i’m TOO nice to (haha!) So, I’m leaving a modeling job, I’m in an ecstatic mood and I get to the counter to buy cigarettes and end up gushing to the cashier about the beautiful day and we get deep into conversation about cigarette prices and then my tattoos by now fifteen minutes has passed and he’s trying to give me his phone number and I’m immediately annoyed and discouraged and by the time I’m stomping out of the store I’m angrily muttering “can’t a girl just buy a pack of smokes? damn!” And instantly my good mood that spurred the conversation which confused the dude into thinking I was flirting has sailed out the window and I’m blaming myself and angry with the world. And as I overanalyze our fifteen minute conversation to figure out where I went wrong I realize I sounded like I was a full on tweaker babbling about sunshine and how wonderful Cali is and pouring out my life story to someone I’ll never see again. What. Just. Happened?!

What is rapid cycling?

“Rapid cycling is defined as four or more manic, hypomanic, or depressive episodes in any 12-month period. With rapid cycling, mood swings can quickly go from low to high and back again, and occur over periods of a few days and sometimes even hours. The person feels like he or she is on a roller coaster, with mood and energy changes that are out-of control and disabling. In some individuals, rapid cycling is characterized by severe irritability, anger, impulsivity, and uncontrollable outbursts. While the term “rapid cycling” may make it sound as if the episodes occur in regular cycles, episodes actually often follow a random pattern. Some patients with rapid cycling appear to experience true manic, mild manic, or depressive episodes that last only for a day. If there are four mood episodes within a month, it is called ultra-rapid cycling, and when several mood switches occur within a day, on several days during one week, it is called ultra-ultra-rapid, or ultradian cycling. Typically, however, someone who experiences such short mood swings has longer episodes as well. Some individuals experience rapid cycling at the beginning of their illness, but for the majority, rapid cycling begins gradually. Most individuals with bipolar disorder, in fact, experience shorter and more frequent episodes over time if their illness is not adequately treated. For most people, rapid cycling is a temporary occurrence. They may experience rapid cycling for a time, then return to a pattern of longer, less frequent episodes, or, in the best case, return to a stabilized mood with the help of treatment. A small number of individuals continue in a rapid cycling pattern indefinitely.”  See: http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=education_brochures_bipolar_disorder_rapid_cycling

So it sounds like I’ve figured out what these rapid mood swings are called and I feel better that there’s a name for it. And clearly other people are dealing with this too. This next paragraph hit home-

“Characteristics such as irritability, tendency to cry, racing thoughts or impulsiveness may cause social problems. Because people with bipolar disorder are often unfairly judged, they may lose opportunities to develop friendships or romantic involvement, or have trouble achieving their career goals. These struggles may contribute to self-esteem problems.”

So while I’m sitting here writing this I pulled open my text messages and saw one that said “Let’s go get our belly buttons pierced!” I remember writing it but I don’t even want a belly button ring. Perfect example of making impulsive decisions while rapid cycling. And because I just read it I remember it but I honestly had no memory of wanting to do that today. So yes, that definitely applies to me, but this but this doesn’t explain the MEMORY LOSS/BLOCK part of things which made me decide to search “Bipolar and Memories” which lead me to this eye-opening article:

“Of course, it’s common to engage in out-of-character behaviors while manic. I accept that. However, it’s much more difficult for me to accept the fact that I have absolutely no recollection of performing so many of these actions. I suspect there’s a lot more I don’t remember from that time period, as even five years later, I keep learning new things. I can’t tell you how many times my husband has said to me: “Do you remember when …” and I don’t. It’s as though someone has stolen my memories, and I don’t like the idea that such a thing is even possible. Memories aren’t like alarm clocks or artwork—you can’t just replace them.Coping with the reality of losing so much time and having done so many things (often highly embarrassing things) of which I have zero recall hasn’t been easy for me. I recognize that my amnesia may well be my mind’s way of protecting me from myself, from reliving painful events, but that doesn’t make it any easier to accept." See: https://www.bphope.com/bipolar-disorder-missing-memories-i-did-what/

The article ended up with the author babbled about forgiveness and that people still love her. Good for you, I’m losing friends by the minute.

So I continue my search. So what I’ve gathered so far is that people with BPD experience rapid mood swings all day long just like me and people with BPD experience states of frenzy with memory loss (amnesia). 

What is amnesia?

“Amnesia is a deficit in memory caused by brain damage, disease, or psychological trauma. Amnesia can also be caused temporarily by the use of various sedatives and hypnotic drugs. The memory can be either wholly or partially lost due to the extent of damage that was caused.[2] There are two main types of amnesia: retrograde amnesia and anterograde amnesia. Retrograde amnesia is the inability to retrieve information that was acquired before a particular date, usually the date of an accident or operation.[3] In some cases the memory loss can extend back decades, while in others the person may lose only a few months of memory. Anterograde amnesia is the inability to transfer new information from the short-term store into the long-term store. People with this type of amnesia cannot remember things for long periods of time. These two types are not mutually exclusive; both can occur simultaneously.” See:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amnesia

So maybe I have BPD and anterograde amnesia with a drop of retrograde because The best way to describe my memory would be snapshots- shorts clips but no seamless video footage. I can’t remember my child hood, I had several best friends in 7th grade and don’t know their names, they don’t even have bodies or faces in my memories. Entire years, schools, individuals- wiped out. Or even getting lunch with a friend two weeks ago seems like years ago. It hurts. It makes me feel heartless. I didn’t choose to be this way but if there was one thing I did that might have screwed me, it was learning how to block things out. My mom loved to scold me with this weird expression on her face of pursed lips and a finger wagging in front of my nose. I hated it so I’d tune her out and go somewhere else in my mind. I began to do this so much I eventually lost control of when to snap back from my happy place. My sweet mind trick on my mom turned into this full blown out mental disorder called “ADD.” 

What is ADD?

Apparently “this is an outdated term. The term was once used to refer to someone who had trouble focusing but was not hyperactive.” OK cool so it’s ADHD now. Inattentive ADHD means a person shows enough symptoms of inattention (or easy distractibility) but isn’t hyperactive or impulsive.

For example- It got really bad in high school to the point that I’d be trying to listen to my friend’s story and she’d say a word that either sparked a memory of mine and I’d be so excited to share it I’d blurt it out and interrupt her because i literally didn’t even hear her talking anymore my memory was so loud and needed to resurrect itself from the dead. Everyone started to hate me because i came off as super obnoxious and spacey. I didn’t always interrupt, I’m actually pretty aware now and I apologize or manage to hold it in til the end. But THEN people probably think I’m just waiting for them to finish talking so I can talk about myself some more. And while that’s not true at all, it truly is hard to hear the rest of their story with mine pushing so hard to get out. Then I found this psychology study on ADHD and memory differences and the outcome:

“We know that these individuals with ADHD are just as capable in remembering information, but what is selected to be remembered could be an issue. The brain areas associated with planning, memory, and decision-making are also implicated in a number of other psychological disorders. Decisions about risk-taking, substance use, and other problematic behaviors may be impaired in children with ADHD compared to their non-ADHD counterparts. A recent analysis looking at the long term outcomes of children with ADHD found that as adolescents and adults, they are more likely to try smoking and marijuana, and more likely to develop substance abuse or depending on nicotine, marijuana, alcohol, cocaine, and other drugs.” See: https://www.psychologyinaction.org/psychology-in-action-1/2011/02/12/adhd-and-memory-differences-in-what-is-remembered

Oh did someone say substance abuse? Hello, it’s me! But more importantly, they mentioned selective memory. 

“A study found that repressing these memories for long enough can lead to us erasing them completely. Using EEG scans, scientists noted the parts of volunteers' brains which became active when actively trying to forget something. They were also able to pinpoint the exact moment a memory is 'forgotten', and claim that long-term suppression of a memory is a sure fire way of permanently erasing it.

The study authors say that mastering the technique could be useful for people who suffer from depression or post traumatic stress disorder.

Mr Waldhauser, a researcher at Lund University, said "We know that 'forgotten' or repressed feelings often manifest themselves as physiological reactions.” See: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/8620360/Selective-memory-does-exist-say-scientists.html

So maybe my elite human brain is just protecting me... They did mention depression and PTSD.

“Depression has been linked to memory problems, such as forgetfulness or confusion. It can also make it difficult to focus on work or other tasks, make decisions, or think clearly. Stress and anxiety can also lead to poor memory.

Depression is associated with short-term memory loss. It doesn’t affect other types of memory, such as long-term memory and procedural memory, which controls motor skills.” See:https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/depression-and-memory-loss#outlook

Several reoccurring symptoms of PTSD include fearful thoughts, flashbacks and bad dreams. These symptoms can become problematic in a person’s life. Some of the avoidance symptoms include difficulty remembering the traumatic event and avoiding reminders of the experience, such as places, people and objects. Hyperarousal symptoms may also arise, such as feeling tense, being startled easily and having trouble sleeping. While it is normal to experience some of these symptoms after a terrible event, symptoms lasting more than a few weeks may be signs of PTSD.\Post-traumatic stress disorder causes short-term memory loss and can have long-term chronic psychological repercussions, according to the American Psychological Association (APA) and the NCBI. Fortunately, psychotherapeutic intervention and treatment can alleviate and often eliminate short-term and long-term effects of PTSD. See:https://www.psychguides.com/guides/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-symptoms-causes-and-effects/

[thotyssey]

On Point With: BibleGirl666

Arguably the country’s most famous queen who has never been on “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” this entrepreneur and genuine pop scholar has captivated legions of fans the world over with her social media presence, including an especially-devoted Instagram following. She came of age in an era where lowbrow culture was championed by the expansive bombast of MySpace. BibleGIrl666 -- who tellingly drag named herself after her own provocative social media handle from that time (a somewhat misleading one, since this native Floridian and current Brooklynite is actually a Nice Jewish Girl) -- built an entire celebrity persona around the equal-parts celebration and satire of the best of the worst of what pop culture had to offer. Now a more seasoned stage performer at the ripe old age of 24 and the founder of the incredibly successful DragqueenMerch online company, Bible is very much a queen that you need to know. Drag Con, you ain’t ready for this!

Thotyssey: BibleGirl, thank you for talking to us! You were just in London, right?

BibleGirl666: Hello! Thank you for the opportunity to rock out here with you! Yes, I was just in London two weeks ago for DragWorld UK.

Is it surreal to meet fans across the ocean, who only know you from social media?

It transcends surrealism, in all honesty. I go into any kind of convention / travel situation with no expectations because it's like, 'Well, who the fuck am I,' if that makes sense; then once at the event, to be faced with a line of people who just "get" what you do without question is really dope.

It’s always interesting for me to hear from a performer about how much of her drag persona is fully her, and how much is a created character. In your case, BibleGirl is very much a fully-realized character based on those white trashy MySpace girls that came up in the Britney Era: colorful, selfish, messy, fun.  Do you think those traits fascinated you on a personal level, or were you just so exposed to that growing up in in that time that that’s all you knew?

I feel like, more so than ever, the character is at her most fleshed-out point to date. The genesis personality, which was that of the aforementioned trashy girls, took hold because that's what I was super intrigued by at 15 on the internet. 2007 was the era of trainwrecks and unapologetic tabloids! Seeing the public's fascination with the tragic headlines fueled by A-listers really resonated with me.

I sometimes miss MySpace! That network sort of encouraged one’s individualism, whereas social media today tends to streamline you to be like everyone else. You can’t even use your drag name on Facebook! But scrolling through peoples’ MySpaces got ridiculous in the end, with all that music and animation people posted on them. Anyway, do you miss MySpace at all?

LOADED QUESTION! I miss the aspects you described, but I don't miss it entirely for the clunky interface and cesspool breeding ground for the cyberbullying which really took root there, in my opinion.

The best way to follow you on social media today is Instagram. Do you consider yourself to be very picky and choosy about what images you post there, or is it always spontaneous?

I used to be super haphazard with my posts, but realized there is an algorithm and a process of finessing an "aesthetic" if you will. I have found that following my own set rules for my account has allowed me to explore character development on more of a multimedia platform rather than in a club.

I do my best to maintain levels of spontaneity, to show who I am on a more personal level, through the Instagram stories feature nowadays.

Recently, Instagram temporarily took down your account under very mysterious circumstances, during a period when it seemed like social media was maybe cracking down on gay content. 

The experience was really bizarre, and one of the weirder ones I've had this year. I was in Canada for a couple of shows, and was waiting for a flight to Winnipeg for night #2 at 6 AM, and I watched my account get suspended in what was essentially real time. I woke up before heading to the airport, and checked Instagram with no problem. I got through security, found my gate, and grabbed a seat... only to check Instagram and watch an auto-log out happen. I checked my email thinking I was hacked, but instead had a message saying I violated terms and conditions and was indefinitely suspended. I joke that it's the trip that never happened because I virtually couldn't document it. It took an interview with Unicorn Booty after a week of suspension, and two days after the article’s release, for my account to return with zero explanation.

You have kind of a rabid fanbase, based largely on your amazing pics and your relatable personality that comes through. Can you kind of empathize with a young celebrity queen like Drag Race’s Valentina, who might’ve been overwhelmed by her fans aggressively trolling other queens from her season and then got heat for not regulating it? Like, can a single person even regulate a monstrous online movement like that?

I can empathize with Valentina on more of a level of we are both people that know what we want, and stay in our respective lanes when reaching our goals. I think it's fucked up that people use a reality TV villain narrative to scapegoat micro-aggressions, but maybe that's just me. I do think a more immediate condemning of the trolling from her fanbase would have done everybody a little bit more benefit, but I did find it in bad taste when people were going to her meet-and-greets just so they could film whether or not she hugged fans.

You do get into some trouble now and then for “hurting someone’s feelings” online, be it another queen or whomever. But your drag persona kinda dictates that you have to be a Heather once in awhile for authenticity, right? Are there lines that you don’t cross when it’s time to take a bitch down?

After a lot of trial and error, I've learned to not go for the lowest hanging fruits, as they tend to be the most personal and internally damaging.

I've fine-tuned the infamy channels, and have kept a lot of my humor more pop culture-centric since it's what I know best. Anything pop-adjacent are gifts that keep on giving.

My motto to troll by hails from Brazil: Se me atacar eu vou atacar [you attack me, I attack you]. It proves handy!.

Have you had a “favorite” feud with another queen, if that’s possible?

It's impossible. They're all great when you're the one getting booked.

As far as today in Pop Divadom, fans are having wild and polarizing reactions to Taylor Swift’s new music and videos, and Katy Perry’s as well (but we all seem to be on Team Kesha). Where do you stand with these ladies… who are you loving and who are you hating?

First and foremost, always Team Kesha.

Ultimately, I ride and die with Katy if it’s between her and Taylor. Although problematic, I have never seen Katy as somebody with malicious intentions. Her music has always been really fun, well-executed pop, and that's what originally made me love her. I find her recent public reception rather upsetting, considering how on top of the world she was, re: Prism World Tour. She was always just somebody who did her thing and was inclusive of everybody; I feel that it's been a consistent trait of hers since I first discovered her, like, 10 years ago.

I also feel like noting that she was publicly campaigning for Clinton in 2016, and what 2017 yielded was an avalanche/barrage of god awful press majorly hailing from the likes of Page Six & TMZ, -- both of which are backed by CEOs who have vocalized support for Trump. This also happened to coincide with her album promo release cycle, and that created some weirdly fulfilled prophecy of failure. It just all seems strange to me.

I DIGRESS...I really fucking love Katy's most recent album, Witness, amongst all the flack she's gotten.

Circling back to Taylor: she's somebody who at this stage of the game has been nothing but self-gratuitous / indulgent. As a woman, more power to her for living her best goddamn life in what has been a male-dominated industry in terms of those who can make or break you. That said, now is not the time to be rehashing old fights with celebs. Now is not the time to show the world that squeaky jar of mayonnaise TayTay has a bad girl streak "for a reason” now. There's so much going on in the world, and I think her message misses the mark this year. 

That goes without saying that I'm not marginalizing sociopolitical situations via the behaviors of pop stars.

In the past you’ve emphasized that you’re not a “strong” performer -- that you’re like a regular girl feeling her fantasy lip synching into a hairbrush. But I’ve seen clips of you giving very high-energy, fun, splits-and-drops-and-all stage performances recently. Have you become a better stage performer over time, in your opinion, or have you maybe discovered more joy in performing?

In the past I feel like I had been allowing people's opinions to manifest my performance style, and it created a sense of complacency where I thought being bad was all I was capable of. Through growing into myself, and taking some choreo lessons from my friend, Nick Laughlin, I was able to really channel my performance style into being more about exactly what a song makes me feel in that moment, rather than a fully rehearsed number where you can tell I'm counting steps on my face.

After enough time, I've learned drag ain't so serious. If I'm having fun, people vibe off of that. That's the atmosphere I try to bring on stage nowadays, something just bursting at the seams with bright colors, crazy faces, and good-ass time.

What’s your favorite number to do these days?

Kesha's "Let 'Em Talk" of Rainbow is definitely a fave hard-hitter of mine!

One New York venue where you performed in a lot over the years, Easternbloc, has just closed and will be revamped as the much-different Club Cumming very soon. You and Ruby Roo hosted a fondly-remembered party there called Hellfire Club, and most recently there was Bible Study (hosted by Cameron Cole, Cedric Antonio and yourself). Are you quite sad to see Easternbloc go, or do you think Club Cumming will offer something special? 

Easternbloc was the first real gay bar I had been in ever, right after moving to NYC 6 (AHH!) years ago. It was also the first bar to take a chance on me with a reoccurring party. It will forever hold a special place in my heart, where I made so many friends and lost so many memories! I welcome the evolution of the bar; I like being Glass Half Full.

Do you know yet if you’re gonna be involved in Club Cumming after it opens?

I've heard nothing in terms of official return on my end, and that is totally a-okay. That doesn't mean I won't happily be a patron and support a local queer space.

You’ve been hosting / performing at several monthly installments of the “Wallbreaker” benefit shows at Macri Park in Brooklyn, which features a new charity cause and lineup of guest performers each month. 

The experience of working Wallbreaker has been nothing short of amazing. It's less about me, and more for what the party is and stands for. I'm happy to see an entire community come together to help support those facing oppression.

What’s in store for the next one?

The next Wallbreaker is on September 14th, and its the ninth installment! Super wild that we're this deep into 2017, period. This month we are raising money for the benefit of Brooklyn Defense Committee, which is an emergency response network for those facing harassment from ICE, whether it pertains to deportation or unannounced home raids.

Aside from Instagram, you’re best known for the wildly successful and essential company you started, DragQueen Merch. This is basically an Amazon for the t-shirts and other promotional items that drag queens sell to fans, where items are printed and directly shipped to order -- eliminating the need for queens to worry about stock and supplies. How long have you been doing this now, and how much of your time does it consume these days? Do you have a large staff?

The business has been running for nearly three years, which is mind-blowing! A lot of my time during the day (aside from my freelance graphic design job) is invested into the site, whether it's strategizing for what's next or setting up pages for queens. Our staff consists of no more than ten people, as far as infrastructure is concerned!

I recently had a queen tell me that she didn’t want to get on your bad side because she wanted to sell her stuff on your site. Are personal relationships / interactions ever a consideration for putting a queen’s stuff on your site, or is it simply that if they agree to whatever the business arrangement is and have the collateral, then it’s all good? Point blank: it's one thing to have an opinion on me. It's another when you have no problem utilizing a non-expense startup system which was founded on wanting to help our industry on a grand scheme outside of TV, and then marginalize me as just some chick who can't actually do drag makeup or dance. I won't allow a negative opinion to dictate who is or isn't on the site, but I always see everything and note who says what. I like to know who's afraid of the “@” symbol.

Okay, let’s talk about this weekend. First of all, Drag Con! What will you be doing at the convention?

Dragcon NYC is gonna be the fuckin' tits. I will be at Booth 557 w/ Rubber Child, Lisa Limbaugh, Trixie Mattel, Amanda Lepore and the House of Avalon! The entire DQM team is going to be on deck as well. Together, we are meeting-and-greeting, along with selling our respective merch ranging from apparel to enamel pins!

Who are you excited to see there?

Honestly? Rubber and Lisa. We only get to see each other during con seasons, or on the off-chance I get to escape to Florida for a weekend. There isn't ever enough time with them.

And you have a stellar lineup in store for a Drag Con afterparty and show you’re hosting at Stonewall on Saturday night: Super Smash Kweenz!  We’ll see you there with Lisa and Rubber, plus Brooklyn’s own Daphne Sumtimez, Hystée Lauder, and Cameron Cole, in addition to famous out-of-town performers like Lucy Stoole and Soju. 

YES. What gags me the most is that we are throwing the coolest party comprised of local talents of NYC and afar (without an emphasis on drag and TV crossover as the main attraction) at a muthafuckin' gay national monument! All of the performers (including Cameron as DJ) are some of the best and most unique that I have had the pleasure of experiencing shows of and working with!

PS - we don't have a cover or tickets because Drag Con is already corporate enough. If you want a damn good drag show in a rad location, Super Smash Kweenz at Stonewall Inn on Saturday the 9th is where you want to be!

What else is going on with / coming up for you?

At this point in time, I am bound and gagged by contracts until announcements are made! Just note: lots of travel for the next few months, and I couldn't be happier or more excited!

You’re always on many lists as a favorite candidate for a season of Drag Race. Is this something you’re actively pursuing?

It is not something I am currently pursuing. It'll always be a childhood dream, and something I enjoy. I'm a believer in timing, and if my life is circular, I'm not going to try and make it fit within the square hole of reality TV.

Oh, you seem like a good person to ask about this, as an internet-famous and pop-savvy entertainer: what do you think about Lactacia, the 8-year old drag queen? Is she fabulous and wonderful? Is she annoying and demeaning to the art of drag, or a true prodigy? Is she being exploited, or are her parents good role models for what the parents of a drag child should be? Should an extremely underage kid be turning numbers and sass in bars on the stage with Bianca del Rio?   

Ohhhhhhhh, I say let the kid live! I love her and what she represents. It doesn't feel exploitative. If anything, it is celebratory, and should be shown as a class act of how to accept your child for who they are -- no matter what they are or how they represent. I think Lactacia is punk as fuck -- and like every good drag queen, is getting into venues underage. She'll be seasoned well before any of us industry-working heifers are.

Okay, last question: What’s the single best piece of advice you can give to anyone, anywhere, who wants to break into drag in 2017?

Do it for you.

Thank you, Bible!

BibleGirl666 appears monthly at Macri Park for the “Wallbreakers” benefit concert on second Thursdays (10pm). Check the Thotyssey calendar for upcoming area appearances, and follow BIble on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, Tumblr and DragQueen Merch.com.

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