#so now i search ace and asexual before i follow any blog

[mysticalalleycat]

Recommended blog posting about my current movie I can't stop thinking about but they had posts about ace exclusion in the depths of their blog so for my mental health I cannot follow them 💔

[little-grey-dowitcher]

How the actual fuck is aphobia still this prevalent in the queer community? How is it that I’m still seeing posts pop up from as recent as last month about how aspecs need to shut up and stop pretending to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community in the year of our lord 2024? How many more people need to be harassed and traumatized for being queer the “wrong way” before we finally just let people be themselves without facing discrimination from within our community? Oh my bad I forget we need to be continuously finding “acceptable” targets for bigotry whenever it gets pointed out that hey maybe bigotry is Not Good actually. Now that it’s slowly becoming less popular to be shitty to trans mascs and AFAB enbies we’re circling back to aces again, is that it? We’re just following the TE/RF playbook with this one too?

It’s so fucking obvious too how many of these people were actively aphobic back at the height of the ace discourse, then quieted down when it was no longer widely acceptable, and are popping back up to start shit again. Like, you search “asexual” on their blog and from 2018-2023 it’s dead silent but then you see their most recent post on the topic from last week is exactly the same aphobic bullshit they were posting in 2017 but with a new coat of paint. They didn’t actually learn their lesson and stop being hateful, they just sat in the corner waiting for their hatred to become acceptable again.

Anyways. Next person to call aces or aros or aroaces or any other aspec person “annoying” for making an aspec-related joke or for just not wanting to be excluded from the queer community is gonna get bitten.

[kip-and-kit-nightengale]

Howdy!

The names are Kip and Kit Nightengale. We're a set of 25 year old twins livin in the 1800s. We commit to a bit of crimes through theft and robbery.

Kip commits train robberies on the rich in hopes of making it on a poster or 3...hundred

Kit is a gal who pretends to be a hooker to get men to follow her before drugging them and stealing all of their valuables.

This is their ask blog and a place for their adventures to be documented!

Kip talks in red!

Kit talks in purple!

And now we have Claybrooke!

You can find their stories here!!!

You can also search the term "navi"!

Let their wild west adventure begin!

IMPORTANT!

KIT AND CLAYBROOKE ARE ASEXUAL

IF YOU FEEL I WROTE SOMETHING ABOUT HER INACCURATELY PLEASE INFORM ME AND I WILL TRY TO ADJUST ACCORDINGLY

I WANT TO MAKE HER AS ACCURATE AND HARMLESS AS POSSIBLE AND I, MYSELF, AM NOT ACE. SO I UNDERSTAND I MAY MESS UP.

THANK YOU FOR THE PATIENCE.

ALSO, IF YOU FEEL I SHOULD TAG A TRIGGER WARNING TO ANY OF MY STORIES PLEASE LET ME KNOW. ILL DO MY VERY BEST.

[girldraki]

ngl, ase discourdse is how we learned to curate our dash the hard way. we joined tumblr right before its peak began, and had were actually considering the label at the time. Then its started showing up, at first we did nothing because we were severely uneducated on most lgbt stuff, and later because we thought we were supposed to have multiple opininons on it and respect people even if we disagree.

As you can imagine, big mistake, not only was there frequent invalidation, but straight up hatred, which negative affected us. It actually began a spiral of psychological self harm where we would go to the tag to see what they said, even after realizing I was ace and didnt agree with them

eventually i decided to unfollow the most violent and upsetting ones, but it still hurt to see what the others reblogged so eventually i unfollowwed them too. I slowly purged them from my dash and learned to frequently searcg their blog before following.

the anti-mspc stuff has been really similar, so its caused a lot of those memories to resurface, as ive had to begin purging again, although im not that myself.

i gotta thank ya for being positive about it frequently, your blog has remained throught the years because of that, love yall(/parasocial)

(thank you for the search censors btw ^_^;)

honestly we had very similar experiences to you and it’s … basically why we stopped talking about ace disco?

like mod ided as ace by the time they started their first acc so we came down as inclus immediately but YEAH the whole… deeply unhealthy spiral of emotional self harm thing was a real issue, especially because ace disco was so fucking inescapable if you placed any importance on your aspec identity at all — like you put it in your bio or you tried to look in aspec related tags and you Would see it (we didn’t know about discord servers at the time.) , and also block didnt really work at that point and we constantly had Funnyman Squad on our dash

and. yeah we learned to block and unfollow and /search-ace /search-asexual and we also blocked j*hnny (lol) and our self harm tapered off now that we weren’t constantly stressed and… concurrent to this (1) the block started hiding people’s posts on your dash (2) people mostly shut up about asexuality? but anyway when the emspec stuff kicked in and we evaluated with a normal base stress level we were able to go ok yeah this is bad we’re not going to directly engage. so we haven’t lol and we have mostly been fine

[zirkkun]

hey Zirk, I came across your underlust reimagined AU a few weeks ago and I gotta commend you on it, it’s great as I love the original underlust story as I think it’s VERY underrated and gets more hate than it deserves. That being said I am very intrigued by your reimagining of this story and it’s had me thinking for the past few weeks. So I thought I’d put on my Sherlock Holmes hat and take a swing at Sans’ backstory since the his story will be the covered in the first chapter. I apologize to both you and Ace if I get anything right or wrong or make any assumptions ;)

So let’s start off with a brief timeline: Sans worked alongside Gaster and Alphys to develop the lust serum to boost the fertility of the underground and raise their population after epidemic of stillbirths. During this time he took in Papyrus and raised him as his brother before an “accident” in the lab which left sans with some permanent ailments. Sans left the royal science team shortly after to look after Papyrus. Sans would go on to be very extroverted and flirtatious with “lots of friends” until a major “disagreement” between him and Grilby occurred at his bar which led Sans to be banned from. Ever since sans has become a recluse barely leaving his home aside for his duties as a sentry, wears layers of cloths despite his past and “looks and feels constantly sick.”

So with all that on the table it doesn’t look like much but thankfully we have the few character bios and more than enough ask’s on behalf of Sans and Papyrus themselves to piece this several solid theories together to form a story.

The first is the failed experiment and the story behind sans supposed illness. We know from the ask blog that Sans got his ailments from a failed experiment with Gaster. And since their primary mission at the time was to boost the fertility of the underground we can assume that Gaster injected Sans with the lust serum. Whether or not sans wanted to or not is not 100% certain but given one of the asks that I translated from wing dings and that one of his dislikes on his bio is “experimentation” it’s reasonable to assume that Gaster injected the serum into sans without his consent and this breach of trust is what led sans to leave the science team. Now as to the reason behind his ailments I can only reasonably speculate but given the serum itself and San’s stated asexuality I believe his side effects are caused by his body rejecting the serum because the serum as nothing be channeled with because he’s not attracted to anyone.

Now with that being said you may wonder; “but in his past he acted similar to his OG lust counterpart, he didn’t look sick other that is magic leaking from his mouth? What led him to look like what he does now to feel constantly fatigued and chills to where simply taking off his coat in an ask caused him to shiver despite him having a lot more layers on?” So my theory is that sans was using sexual encounters to lessen the effects of the serum on his body. While yes he is asexual, but more specifically he’s a “grey-romantic asexual” according to his bio. For those who don’t know what a grey romantic is (because I didn’t either) a google search shows that a grey romantic can be many things they can be someone who; experiences romantic attraction infrequently/weakly, feels attraction in only specific circumstances, fells alienated from romance. However the one that stuck out to me the most is that some grey-romantics “feel romantic attraction but don’t desire a romantic relationship.” This I think fits sans perfectly and supports my theory on his sexual history as in various asks; papyrus stated he “was super popular” and “always with different people everyday” even sans himself has stated that he’s “never felt any genuine feelings towards anything” even confirming his asexuality in an ask and adding on by saying “yeah I’m asexual, but no one believes me because of...well, because of stuff I’ve done in my past.” So all this supports my theory that while San’s can experience sexual attraction, he is unable to experience romantic attraction. Now with all that out of the way we can move on to the final big question; “what happened between him and Grillby?”

Now this question is a lot harder to answer as neither Sans, Grillby, or anyone wants to talk about this in the asks. However if we again look to the character bios and look back on my previous theories we can again piece together a solid idea of what could have happened. We know Sans and Grillby used to be friends as Sans used to frequent Grillby’s strip bar in his past before a major “disagreement” between the two led sans being banned and the two holding major resentment towards one another. This is where the facts end and I had to look deeper and go off of my previous theories and speculate. In Grillby’s bio his dislikes are as follows: Water, long conversations, manipulation, and Sans. Now “manipulation” immediately caught my attention as it’s a very odd dislike to put in a bio as you would assume that everyone would hate being manipulated which led me to believe that these two dislikes (manipulation and sans) are linked. Now with my previous theory on. Sans using sexual encounters to lessen serums affect on his body, I believe sans was using Grillby’s bar to engage in sexual hookups, or even worse and also very reasonable, used Grillby himself for sex as we know Grillby is homosexual. Whichever one it was Grillby caught wind and decided to confront sans about it which led to their “disagreement.” Now what happened for the two to hate each other so much we don’t know. But I believe in the “heat” of the moment (sorry bad pun) . Grillby said or did some not so nice things to sans when he found out before banning him whether he said some mean things, or slapped/struck him we don’t know. But whatever it was it is the reason why sans resents Grillby as much as Grillby resents him. And while he does resent Grillby I think this also showed sans that what he was doing in using people for sex to lessen his illness was wrong which led to him to becoming a depressed recluse. Opting to never engage with anyone so he wouldn’t hurt them like he hurt Grillby. This also explains why his condition has worsened as he’s no longer using sex to dampen the serums affects on his body.

And that’s I got. Now I don’t expect I got everything right so how well DID I do Zirkkun, or Ace? (Ace I’m sorry if I’ve pushed a few buttons pls don’t hurt me)

Oooh I love reading about what people have pieced together and theorized from what I've written!!! ✨✨

I don't want to confirm or deny too much, since this pretty much covers all of the topics that will be discussed in Chapter 1 (once i get around to... writing it........) but I do have to say I'm really impressed with your work!! There's a lot of things right and a lot of things not right, but all in all I'm genuinely super impressed what you've done with the puzzle pieces I've left scattered about.

[uh-drarry]

Can i ask what the difference between ace and aro is? If not thats totally fine! I was just curious, have a lovely day ♥️

Of course!! I hope you are having a lovely day as well, nonnie. Thanks for the ask! I’m not an expert but I have done a lot of research since realizing I was both ace and aro but I only recently realized this within the last six months so I’m going to give kind of broad terms and they both definitely have more definitive terms depending on the person using them. Ace is short for Asexual. Aro is short for Aromantic. (As I type this Aromantic is showing as a spelling error, and if that doesn’t tell you anything about how underrepresented that community is idk what will). This got a bit long, so I am putting it all under the cut.

Asexual people feel little to no sexual attraction. The opposite of this is Allosexual, meaning you do feel sexual attraction. Asexual is an umbrella term and there’s many micro labels under it as well. This doesn’t mean aces don’t have a libido though. Some people have high or low libidos and are still Ace because it’s about sexual attraction. Asexual people sometimes define themselves as one of the following, sex favorable (does enjoy sex, but possibly won’t initiate it themselves, or they could live without it but are happy to partake as far as I understand), sex positive (this can mean the previous, or, like me, they encourage others to have sex if they want it, and believe safe sex should be taught, etc.), sex neutral (they might enjoy sex, but eh, that’s cool if they never do it again, or ever), and sex repulsed (might get nauseous at the thought of it, never wants to partake, depending who they are they might not want to see it, hear it, watch it, etc even within media, nothing). Back to feeling or not feeling sexual attraction, for example, I have never once looked at, say Chris Hemsworth or Zendaya, and thought “Yeah, they turn me on, I’d have sex with them.” (Honestly the fact that I really had to think to come up with names there, which I think it very telling, I’m laughing at myself). *oversharing probably but trying to help people understand, sorry* Despite the my lack of sexual attraction to anyone, I do feel things, for example, when I read smut or something similar. Ace people might get themselves off, have sex, or never do anything of the sort down there. That kind of thing is about feeling good, you don’t have to think your partner or whatever is sexy in order to do that. If anyone wants to do their own research, AVEN.com (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) is probably a good starting point, or I can rec some blogs here.

Aromantic people feel little to no romantic attraction. Very different from feeling sexual attraction, yes? Basically, take all of what I wrote about being Ace and exchange sex with romance and that’s an aromantic person. I will explain anyway. Just like allosexual, alloromantic people are people who do feel romantic attraction. Romantic attraction is when you want to do romantic coded things with people. Of course romance is a bit harder to define than sex, so it can mean a lot of things to different people. Kissing can be seen as romantic to one person, and another aro person could really enjoy kissing others for example. Personally, I get pretty uncomfortable in romantic situations regarding myself and someone else, which I would probably define as being Romance Repulsed. After learning what this term meant and reading some about it, I really thought of my experiences. I’m pretty sure I’ve never had a crush on anyone, relationships (the brief two that I’ve had) really just felt like friendships. I didn’t initiate anything besides maybe handholding because I didn’t know what to do, or I didn’t even realize that was a thing that most people in that situation would be doing at that point in a relationship. I felt very uncomfortable when a ex tried to take a kiss further than a peck, among other things. Again, being Aromantic doesn’t mean aro people automatically will never have or want romantic relationships. They just don’t feel those feels for people usually. Like AVEN for asexuals, there’s Arocalypse.com for aro people. I have less blogs to rec here, but I can rec some if someone wants it.

There are good examples of different types of attraction, I personally feel platonic attraction which would be the desire to be someone’s friend, as well as aesthetic attraction which is defined below.

People can be one, or both, or neither. I am both, AroAce. People in these communities often use the Split Attraction Model (SAM). Which would be like someone stating that they are Asexual Homoromantic, or Aromantic Heterosexual, or Aromantic Pansexual, among many other combos.

Because I do feel aesthetic attraction, pretty much solely towards women, I define myself as an Oriented AroAce, or Lesbian AroAce. If I ever did end up in a relationship with someone, I can only ever imagine it to be with a woman. Again though, that’s just one microlable among so many that are out there.

This is a huge list of identities and labels, it overwhelms be tbh, but I’m linking it here anyway because it’s very informative.

I assume this ask was in response my reblog here. Yes I get very annoyed when people treat these two orientations as the same thing, despite me identifying as both. As I hope you can now see, they are very different things. A lot of the time, I enjoy reading about romance and sometimes sexual relationships, but sometimes I want to read other peoples thoughts, fics, posts, etc about only one of these and the Aro/Aromanticism tag is flooded with posts about asexuality which really doesn’t help people who are trying to learn about aromanticism or wanting specific content.

One more point before I wrap this up. I read a book because I wanted to see if it’d help me know for sure if I was demisexual (definition can be found in the huge list I linked two paragraphs up, or on google), and it actually made me realize I was aroace and I am forever grateful for it so I will rec it here. It’s called Loveless by @aliceoseman and it has quickly become my favorite book. So if anyone wants to read about a fictional character realizing they’re aroace, this is a fantastic book. I related so much to Georgia, it’s crazy. Also her other works are fantastic.

Remember you are not alone! Experts believe that 1% of the population is ace (and I think it’s the same for aro people) and that might sound like no one but, guys, theres 7.8 billion people on this planet. That means theres 78 million people like us! I ended up finding a lot of ace people to follow on twitter as well by the way.

This might be a hot take to some but the A in LGBTQIA+ does not mean ally! It’s for Asexual, Aromantic, and Agender! And we do belong in the queer community because the queer community is for people who aren’t straight, cis, or amatonormative. Wow, I hope this all makes sense, if any of you are confused or have more thoughts, or I messed something up, UNLESS YOU’RE BEING APHOBIC, add your thoughts, or message me!

Side note: Do please send me recs of people to follow, books, fics, shows, whatever, I am always searching for new content within these orientations!

[defeatedbyamerechild]

Still not going to be posting for a while, but I had some Pokémon-related questions for you ^^

1) Not sure if you’re still doing the ship ratings, but what do you think of Giovanni x Cyrus? I go back and forth between them being in a relationship or Cyrus being ace…

2) I also have been thinking about trans Ghetsis and Colress… I was curious, how would a (pre-op) man prevent menstruation? In my headcannon, if either one of them were trans, both wouldn’t be able to get surgery.

Thanks uwu

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Hello! I had stopped the ratings, with grades and all, but I don’t see any problem in commenting what you sent me. So let me see...

1) About Cyrus and Giovanni, I used to like that ship a bit more in the past, but I kinda grew tired of it, I don’t know. I mean, I’ve never actually shipped them, it’s never been too attractive for me, but there was a period of time when I thought it was rather cute. Now I feel pretty neutral, if not a bit negative about it. I can’t quite explain though, I think it’s because of how I have developped both the characters in my comics. Still it’s not like I would complain about people who ship them or whatever, I’ve seen some really cute pictures of them and really nice headcanons of them before. I’ve nothing against it, it’s just a ship that I don’t think I would be able to make work nowadays. About Cyrus being ace, it’s the headcanon that I’ve chosen for him in my comics. Aromantic and Asexual. Still, I’m also open to other headcanons for him. Gay Cyrus, straight Cyrus, demisexual Cyrus, aromantic but not ace, or ace but not aro... biromantic and gray-ace. There are thousands od possibilities  in terms of romanticism and sexuality for him, whatever you feel like working with will be fine. If you would like to have an ace Cyrus in a relationship with Gio, you can have him be, let’s say, demiromantic and gray-ace... Or homoromantic and asexual. Or demiromantic demisexual. There are ways to make that happen without having to completely discart the ace spectrum from his character. :) Also, nothing wrong with playing with two headcanons at the same time. Two different au’s maybe... Recently, I’ve become more interested on the idea of shipping Cyrus with Lysandre. This would never happen in my comics and is totally impossible in this headcanon, but that doesn’t mean I can’t think of what it would be like in a different hc, nd even write about it if I ever feel like it. ^^ 2) About trans Ghetsis and Colress, that’s great! All trans headcanons are valid. Actually, a while back, I thought about an intersex Ghetsis (More specifically, Ghetsis finding out he actually has ovaries and that he’s intersex and never knew it, and that helping him become less sexist and lgbtq-phobic). I don’t think it’s going to happen in my comics in reality, but it was interesting to think of. Anyway... About the period question, as a cis woman, I feel like I don’t really have the authority to talk about this in details... You should try to find some trans-focused blogs that could answer your questions. I did some research for writing my trans Piers, though, so I can try to say a few things... First, sadly, it seems like menstruation is not discussed a lot for men, which sucks, so it’s not that easy to find out info on that. Another consequence of that is, most of the things I saw were dysphoric men talking about how much period hurt them emotionally and psychologically, because it made their dysphoria much worse. I know it’s a huge issue for many trans men, as well as some NBs of course. Still, some trans man that don’t experience dysphoria have nearly just the same amount of discomfort as a women. No women likes having periods, we know that, so naturally no trans men like it either. But some can deal with it without getting dysphoric feelings. If you want to talk about period in a trans man’s life, there are many aspects of it that you can try to include. Many trans men I saw on the Internet talked about how they hated having to change their pads in a male bathroom, and how they had to hide pads or cups, and how much they feared having leaks in public. Many of them talked about incresed symptoms of other psychological conditions such as depression, nd suicidal thoughts related to “feeling like a woman despite knowing they are not” or like their bodies were trying to go against their minds. Well, you talk about “pre-op” men, that is, men who intend to have surgery at some point, but haven’t managed to yet. Still, surgery is not mandatory to stop having periods (although, of course, removing the person’s womb will do the trick). From what I’ve searched, you can stop periods with hormonal treatment. It takes a bit of a while for the periods to stop, since changes happen slowly, but eventually the bleeding stops. So yeah, not sure if you’re going to work with dysphoric men here or not, but you can headcanon that they take hormones and don’t have periods, or that they don’t take hormones and still have periods but that makes them dysphoric... Or, like my Piers, they don’t take hormones and have periods, but that doesn’t make them dysphoric. They can be pre-op, but haven’t got money for it yet, or are not ready yet, or whatever other reason for not doing it now, or they can be non-op, like my Piers, that is, trans men who don’t intend to ever have the surgery, even thought they identify as male. Basically, yeah, some men have periods and not all of them plan on making periods stop for good at some point, but that doesn’t mean they are less of a man. Well, that’s all I know from what I’ve researched on trans men and periods, I really wish there was more info about this subject, but I guess there’s still kind of a taboo around it, even for cis women, in fact. Anyway, if you want to know more about trans men dealing with periods, you should try looking for trans-themed blogs, some of them will surely answer asks on the matter. ^^

Also, any trans person that follows me and wants to contribute to this discussion, please do tell your experiences and all you know about it! (if you feel comfortable too, naturally!) I know that no one can talk about this better than trans men themselves, and I definitely would love to hear from you guys what it’s like dealing with that kind of thing. :) Not only it will help me with my headcanons for Piers, but also will happen many other artists and writers that want to work with trans characters, and may also help younger trans men who haven’t dealt with this yet. ^^ Feel free to submit, reblog and comment here, and please do correct me if I said anything wrong. :) 

[nerdygaymormon]

I'm... scared... of your blog. It goes against a whole lot of what I was taught to believe and follow growing up. But, at the same time, I've been hurt deeply by that... doctrine... and I've only just begun to see and understand the extent of that damage. So... what if this is what my wounded and weeping soul has been searching for... since I can't pick up any "official text" without having a violent physical reaction that is drowning in pain and fear? 1/?

I can't even get near a chapel or temple without reacting. And I can't bring myself to confide in any of my local bishopric or ward members. As a result, I've been suffering alone. I know I need therapy because this is some deep, messed up shit, but I have not been able to find a compassionate professional and I'm not want to continue the search. I've neither the funds nor the energy. 2/?

I'm 34yo born and raised in the Church. Three years ago I experienced something that made me question heavily whether Gd still loved me because I for sure felt damned. And that event caused the floodgates to open, I suppose. I've not been active for years due to chronic illness and being treated like some sort of sub-human because of my disability. I used to maintain a current temple recommend but not anymore. 3/?

I think I'm asexual. And the more and more I think about this, the more and more it explains some aspects of me that I thought were broken. (No desire to date as a teen, no feelings of sexual attraction to anyone, confusion about terms like "infatuation" and "crush", confused and disgusted by sex and the world's obsession with it.) But, at the same time, the more and more I grew to like this term, the worse my feeling of being Rejected by Gd became. 4/? 

But, even before I adopted the term, I began to feel unwanted and damned because of a history of attempted molestation at 5 years old and being taught that I was 'chewed gum' amongst other doctrines that insisted that my every decision and move was responsible for the sexual purity of the male mind. I felt violated in almost everything that I wore that I felt "pretty" in because I was under the belief I was a walking sin. 5/?

I say I'm scared of your blog... yet I read through several posts last night, body shaking and nauseous with fear and guilt. And here I am, unloading in your askbox because I'm so desperate for someone to talk to who won't judge me like I've been judged all my life. The last time I went to church, I ran out of Sacrament in tears, hyperventilating in my car for several minutes. I have not been back since. 6/?

I want to believe that I'm still loved. I want to believe that I'm still wanted. There is a vicious war going in within me, complicated by chronic and mental illness, that I've lost my sensitivity concerning Gd. I can't tell if or when He's talking to me because the constant anxiety, fear and pain drown out the more 'subtle' emotions. And the maladaptive coping mechanisms I've developed likely don't help either... 7/?

Thank you for listening... if you have anything insightful that you think might help, I'd like to read it. (I hope all these messages stayed anonymous...) 8/8

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Wow, the feels. You said so much. I recognize you’re in a hard place. 

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Don’t worry, you managed to stay anonymous. I know when sending multiple asks it’s to forget to push the anon option.

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Congrats on figuring out you are asexual (ace). 

I think discovering a lack of something is difficult. There’s all these hints along the way but then once you figure it out, it all makes sense, everything fits.  

Don’t be afraid to change your labels. We use words to describe how we understand ourselves. If the way you understand yourself changes, it’s fine to change your labels. 

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Having a chronic illness can be difficult, it can take over a life as you organize things around it. Having a disability also can be challenging, especially if it’s one that is visible to others because they often view you as your disability. 

The thing is, you have a personality that wants to be displayed, I can tell that just from these messages you sent me. As people spend time with you and get to know you, they will start seeing you and not your disability. 

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Things that you described about your feelings and reactions make me believe therapy would help. I’m no mental health professional, but I wonder if you have have the symptoms of PTSD (church caused you trauma) and an anxiety disorder. 

If you have insurance that will cover some sessions, look for a provider that takes your insurance. If you don’t, I know that therapy can be expensive. 

About 2 years ago I needed to see a therapist and I checked at my local university. They had a psychological services clinic where Ph.D. students could gain experience, so the price was reduced, and my therapy was overseen by professors who are up-to-date in their field.  

If you can’t get to therapy now, and if you want to go to church, it helps a lot to have someone you know that can go with you, like a security blanket. It makes it less scary to enter that space. 

If you don’t have someone like that, try contacting the missionaries, explain you haven’t been to church in a while but want to come back. They will be so happy to greet you in the lobby and have you sit with them. And if you want, they will introduce you around to others. 

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Tbh, I was very surprised at how you describe my blog. I didn’t realize someone would view it the way you did. 

It’s true that I think our church is wrong on LGBTQIA+ topics. This is because of a few things:

1) I feel the spirit let me know that God loves me as I am, a gay man, and that I’m not broken. This is how I’m meant to be. 

2) What we learn about our Heavenly Parents and how they love us and are fair and just, and they treat us the same and view humankind as alike. I can’t believe they would set up a whole group of their children to fail and not have a path to return to them.

3) Jesus stood with those who were on the margins, He spent time lifting others and taught us that real religion is helping others, especially those who are downtrodden and on the margins. 

4) The Church doesn’t show LGBTQIA+ people as a part God’s Plan. The Church doesn’t know what to do with us. And it’s not a good space for queer people so most LGBTQIA+ members leave. This is not good fruit and it’s not what I think God would want, for whole groups of people to not feel welcomed.

I don’t reject the principles of the gospel, I want them to apply to all of us, even me, a gay man, and even you, an asexual woman. We are beautiful, we have a purpose, we deserve to be accepted and have joy. 

I guess that is rebellious and dangerous because it challenges the Church’s narrative about people like you and me. 

I let people in church tell me terrible things and for so long I believed them. I don’t anymore. 

Refusing the shame that church gives us as queer people, that’s radical. Church is supposed to help us be better, not wear us down. 

You can love yourself and be happy as ace. This is part of how God made you, you don’t have to deny this is how you experience life. 

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What are your goals? What kind of person do you want to be? What do you want your life to be like? 

My psychologist used to have me write what I would like my life to be like, and then we made goals to start doing those. 

You are capable of change. 

This is your life. 

God has given you talents. We’re not supposed to hide them under a bushel. Work on developing them and developing yourself. 

You are your own longest investment. Investing in yourself is a gift to the world, it’s how we develop ourselves and increases our capacity to help others.

—————————

I hope you feel I understood what you were trying to say to me. 

I also hope I gave you some things to think about, to ponder, and figure out what feels right to you.

[redbeardace]

Aromantic.  That’s a thing.  Okay.

[This is a submission for the February Carnival of Aros/Carnival of Aces.]

The Carnival of Aros is now a thing, and this month’s inaugural topic for it has me thinking.

Mostly thinking “What in the hell do I know about aromanticism?” or “Who do I think I am trying to talk about it?”...

Let me back up a bit...

When I first discovered asexuality, my perspective on everything changed.  The word fit.  It explained so much.  Things made sense now.

But when I first heard “aromantic”, there was no connection.  That’s a thing.  Okay.

It described me, I guess.  Sort of.  But it wasn’t a word that I needed.  It wasn’t really even a word that I used.  Someone else actually had to call me aro before I bothered applying the word to myself at all.

It’s sort of like my middle name.  It’s there, but I generally don’t think about it too much.  It doesn’t even feel like it’s really mine, but other people seem to care about it every once in a while.

Is it even mine?  Am I even aro?  Gray?  I don’t know.  Was that any of that love?  Am I just applying that term because that’s what it seemed like it must’ve been? What is love, anyway?  Does anybody love anybody anyway? 

Right.  So.  Where was I?

My natural and clear connection to asexuality drew me to it, and compelled me to get involved.  I created websites.  I wrote a book.  I’ve been interviewed by major publications.  I marched in parades and I’ve started including hitting up ace meetup groups as part of my travel plans.  (Still need to make it to Vancouver someday...) I shared my story with anyone who’d listen and quite a few people who wouldn’t.

On the aro side of things?  I mention it once in a while and once declared (to myself, at least, I don’t remember if I said this in public and I’m not interested in looking it up) that there should be an “Aromantic Archive” site, but that I wasn’t going to make it.  And that’s about it.  Hell, even when there are things that I do which are clearly more aromantic than asexual in nature, I’ll often label them as asexual.  

Okay, but why?

As I alluded to earlier, when I was on my Search™, I found all my answers with asexuality.  There was nothing left to look for.  It was all there, everything explained.  It’s clear to me now that’s obviously not the case, but at the time it was enough.

Another large factor in my disconnect is that the few times I went looking for more information about being aromantic, I didn’t find anything.  Nothing that was especially useful to me, at least.  I think there were a few forums that had one or two posts a month, and a few blog posts here and there, but all of it just seemed to be the same ace people I’d see other places talking about pretty much the same things.  Here on Tumblr, there was always plenty of stuff in the “aromantic” tag, but virtually all of it was just ace content that was tag spammed.  Aro community?  What aro community?

I think the only aro blog I followed was the Aromantic Aardvark.  Because that was the only aro blog there was.

Recently, I’ve tried to find more specifically aro content and aro people to follow.  It exists now.  But I find it hard to get into because it still feels like the same stuff I’m tired of re-reading in the ace community.  It’s just on a green background instead of purple there.

Representation Matters, So Why Is It Hard To Do?

I find that whenever I do something that includes the aro flag or relates to aro topics, it’s often a deliberate and specific act of inclusion, and often only because I feel obligated to do so.  I feel similar when it comes to demi topics, but the major difference is that I have no indication that I’m demi in any way.  With aro things, it’s like I’m ignoring a part of myself.  But for some reason, I don’t care that I am.

In 2017 I went to San Francisco to march in the Pride Parade with Asexuality SF.  The most memorable part of that parade was when I heard screaming from the sidelines:  “Oh my God!  The aro flag!  It’s the aro flag!  I’ve never seen one of those before!”  They were screaming at my aro flag, the one I deliberately and specifically carried so that it would be included.  Later in the parade, I realized that since I was carrying the flag and I was taking all the pictures of the parade, that the aro flag wouldn’t be seen in any of my pictures.  So I handed the flag to a friend who was marching and got a few shots.  You might have seen one of them:

Inclusion matters, even if it is deliberate and specific, and even if I only do it because I feel obligated to do so.

But I still have a ways to go on that front.  I am the keeper of the swag for the Seattle Aces, and there has always been ace swag as part of that.  Demi and Aro stuff came shortly afterwards.  A while later, I started including gray-ace stuff, even going so far as to sew a custom gray-ace flag for Seattle Pride last year.  But demi-romantic and gray-romantic?  There’s hardly any of that stuff in the swag box, and I only did what’s there because someone specifically asked me for it.  It hadn’t really crossed my mind that yes, that needs to be included, too.  It needs to stop being an afterthought.

But wait, there’s more!  At least...  There should be more...  Shouldn’t there?

I keep sitting here, staring at the blinking cursor, thinking that I should have more to say, but it’s all like it’s locked up somewhere.  I sort of feel like I have nothing to say about aroness because there’s simply not much to say about it.  That’s wrong, of course, there’s plenty to say.  Books can and will be written on the topic.  For instance, I should have a lot to say on the subject of amatonormative alienation.  But for some reason, I just can’t break through that personal wall.

And like I said at the beginning, who am I to talk about it?  What do I know? Haven’t I said enough over the years?  Maybe I just should sit back and let other people take this one.

Time’s Aro:  To the Future!

I’ll close this with a topic that’s been rattling around in my head for a while:

I’ve noticed that a lot of ace groups have making efforts to be more specifically inclusive.  Asexual Outreach’s new website is “acesandaros.org”.  TAAAP recently added another A to their name.  Many meetup groups have started rebranding themselves as “Aces and Aros” groups.  While this is a positive trend (even though I dread needing to design a new logo and buy a new banner for the Seattle Aces and Aros to march in Pride this year...), I wonder if it’s a permanent trend.  Is there an inherent link that means that ace groups are aro groups and aro groups are ace groups and that’s how it will always be?  Or will we start to see dedicated aro groups spring up in the coming years?  Are ace groups going to be adequate spaces for people to explore their aroness, particularly non-ace aros?  What do we have to do to ensure these spaces are comfortable and useful to those who seek them out?

[aroacedating]

Introduction

I’m pretty open about being demiromantic asexual. Heck,the icon on my main blog is a combination of aro/ace colors, so I ‘m not really sure how it would be possible to visit the blog and not know that. What you’d have to follow pretty closely to know is that I only came to understand this about myself this summer. If you follow even closer, you know I’m just starting a dating relationship - and if you are a very thorough reader, you know that, at this juncture, I don’t have a romantic attraction to my …. whatever.(Partner? Datemate? More Than a Friend? Squish? Zucchini? I don’t feel that any of those are completely accurate, but I don’t have any better ideas).

The reason I’m spelling everything out now is because this incredible, talented, understanding woman who should probably be considered a candidate for sainthood (that’s pretty accurate, but a little unwieldy for regular use), who also happens to be a published author and is encouraging me to try my hand at writing,  has suggested I do regular blog entries about what it’s like dating as an arospec ace. They also offered to help out and contribute as a not-at-all-awkward interviewee on the topic of what it is like for an alloromantic/allosexual to date an arospec ace. I think this is a fantastic idea – it will help me understand myself better, help the two of us grow closer, alleviate my constant worry that I’m shortchanging her by not reciprocating her feelings exactly, and maybe even help other people in similar relationships.

So I’m going to do it. I will do my best to produce weekly entries. My question to those who might be interested in reading these is this: What would make it easier for you to follow – should I keep it here in my main blog and come up with a tag so it’s easy to search for, or actually spin it off into a sideblog?   Message me, reply, or drop in the asks/submissions (I turned anon back on if that makes you feel more comfortable) to let me know. In the meantime, I’m back to work on the first official entry, which I hope to have reasonably done by Sunday. Hope to hear from you before then

[aroworlds]

Aro-Spec Artist Profile: Techno

Our next aro-spec creator is Techno or @techno-trashcan, better known to aro-spec Tumblr as @aro-soulmate-project​!

Techno is an aroace writer and musician who’s doing amazing work in reclaiming and reshaping amatonormative narratives. I can’t describe her craft better than how she’s put it herself, so I’ll quote her blog header: writing to redefine the concept of soulmates from an aromantic perspective.

She’s also found on Arocalypse under the same username, for folks who want to get to know her and her work outside of Tumblr!

With us Techno talks about aro narrative in an amatonormative world, her love for the aro-spec community, the isolation of being an aro creative and an amazing-sounding original work we should all be looking forward to. Her passion for aro storytelling is writ in every word, so please let’s give her all our love, encouragement, gratitude, kudos and follows for taking the time to explore what it is to be aromantic and creative.

Can you share with us your story in being aro-spec?

When I was growing up, for years I never even considered my orientation. I didn’t get crushes–there was at least one instance where I thought I did or pretended I did because I wanted to be friends with a boy, but that was when I was very, very young. I never really developed an interest in boys (or girls, or anyone else), even once I hit puberty, and I really never thought that was weird. It wasn’t until 9th grade that things changed; there was a guy at my school who apparently had a crush on me, although I, being aro and oblivious, did not realize it at the time. He asked me if I liked anyone, and I said I didn’t, and chalked it up to being because I’d grown up with the same boring boys for so many years, so how could I? But I really didn’t think it was weird until he told me that “everyone likes someone at some point” and I got highly defensive without even knowing why.

And when I brought this up to people around me, they were like, “yeah, well, it is kind of weird, but that doesn’t make it a bad thing,” and I’d learned what asexuality was, and by extension aromanticism, around that time. I don’t really know when the seed was planted in my brain or when I really embraced my orientation, but somewhere along the line it just became a part of my life. It’s been four years and nothing’s changed, so I guess I have that boy to thank for setting me on this path. And that’s my aro story, or the short version at least.

Can you share with us the story behind your creativity?

I’ve always been drawn to writing, music and art. I’m a musician, I like to draw sometimes even if I’m bad at it, and I’ve been writing stories from a young age. Writing definitely became an outlet for me throughout the most complicated moments of my life, even if I didn’t always use that outlet appropriately or effectively. Anyone who knows me in real life knows I always have something to say!

Are there any particular ways your aro-spec experience is expressed in your art?

I find writing about my aro experiences, even if just for myself, cathartic at times. On my aro blog, I have a writing project where I take prompts and ideas for soulmate AUs and stuff and turn them on their heads, because arospec people are so often left out of that conversation or just written in with a “soulmates can be platonic too so sure aros are included i guess” in a way that erases many aro experiences, so I try to combat that. Sometimes just writing out how I feel is a way of expressing my aro experiences in its own way, too.

Please click keep reading to continue Techno’s story!

What challenges do you face as an aro-spec artist?

When I was younger and didn’t know what being aro even was, I would try to write romance, and it’d either end up really cliche or just completely bland because I had no idea what I was talking about. And once I realized why that was, trying to write romance became basically impossible because I have no experience to channel when doing it.

I also feel like most people don’t want to read a story without romance, or else they’ll just try to read between the lines and find it even when it doesn’t exist (shipping culture is a prime example of that). For that reason I often feel alienated from other writers, and I feel like no story I ever write will satisfy some people.

How do you connect to the aro-spec and a-spec communities as an aro-spec person?

The aro community means a hell of a lot to me. The community here on Tumblr and also on Arocalypse is the only community I really have, as I don’t know any out aro-spec people in real life. I used to feel more connected to the ace community than the aro community, but at some point that dynamic got turned on its head. I often find myself frustrated with parts of the ace community because of the way it sometimes erases or devalues aro-spec experiences in favor of reinforcing the idea that asexual people can and often do still experience romantic attraction and form romantic relationships, and that’s an extremely important distinction to make, but the delivery often leaves me, as an aroace, feeling like I’ve been left on the backburner.

What frustrates me with the aro community is how small we are, but more so I’m astounded each and every day by the amount of love that pours out of this community, and the nuanced and thoughtful discussions that so many of us are just dying to have the moment we’re given the opportunity.

TL;DR: I love the aro community with every inch of my sad aro heart.

How do you connect to your creative community as an aro-spec person?

Being an aro creative can be extremely isolating. As I said before, people want a good romance story so badly they’ll even read one where there isn’t, and this goes for stuff like music, too. So much content out there is all about romantic love and that’s extremely isolating for an aro-spec person. With my soulmate project, just searching for more prompts exposes me to so much erasure and amatonormativity. Some of these people are the same people who say they support us, but they are so quick to erase us when it means they get the story they want.

Writing about my experiences and having no one pay attention to them feels like screaming at the top of my lungs into a void that never answers.

How can the aro-spec community best help you as a creative?

Following me at @aro-soulmate-project and reblogging my work is the best way to do that! I also very much appreciate messages, questions, suggestions, anything! Even just talking to other aros gives me the drive to create more.

Can you share with us something about your current project?

Currently my project is on a bit of a hiatus as I finish up my semester at college and get back into the swing of things, but I’m still posting other stuff, and I should hopefully be back at it again soon! Generally, I find a prompt for a soulmate-related story online and then think about how I could twist it to fit a possible aro experience. It gets hard to cover the wide range of aro experiences, but mostly I want to work against the idea that everyone has their perfect match out there and will some day never be alone again, even platonically, because that’s simply not true, and even works which incorporate aros usually don’t do it tastefully, accurately, or organically. I try to keep them varied, but a lot of them are just me projecting! I need to go on the hunt for more prompts, so send them my way if you’ve got them…

Have you any forthcoming works we should look forward to?

Oh boy, I’m excited! A few years ago I wrote a short story for my fiction class called The Heartless that was basically a metaphor for aro(ace) experiences. And now that I have a lot more experiences on both the writing front and the aro front, I’m rewriting it and expanding on it! It’s a vaguely fantasy story that deals with the main character, Ace (haha), going on a journey to find out what happened to his parents and his best friend. Without giving too much away, it deals with navigating what it means to be human in a world where everyone else is constantly dehumanizing you. Aro experiences, wholesome platonic shenanigans ensue. I can’t say when it’ll be done, because I’m notoriously bad at keeping up with projects, but I plan on posting it to my aro blog once it’s done!

[fierce-n-fearless]

Polyamory Resources

Polyamory is just one of those things that I love reading/learning/hearing about, and my bookmark tab has gotten too big I’m starting to lose track of all the things that I want to go back and read. Here’s a post, for organizational purposes.

BOOKS!

The Ethical Slut It’s on my ‘to-read’ list still, but at least I own it now. A common resource thrown around in poly circles.

More Than Two Another go-to resource for most poly peeps. I haven’t read through the whole thing yet, but I do own this one as well.

The Jealousy Workbook I have not looked into this one yet, but I’ve seen it pop up on multiple threads/forums I follow, so I assume a lot of people use it and find it helpful

Opening Up Another book thrown around a lot in poly circles, Need to pick this one up still, but has proven harder for me to find.

When Someone You Love Is Polyamorous I’ve more recently seen this mentioned in ‘how to come out’ discussions, I’m very interested in reading this to see if there are any good tips/stories. I’m not out yet, but I have plans to change that moving forward, and advice on how to go about it is always nice.

Stepping off the Relationship Escalator Less well known to me, it sounds like it focuses more on relationship anarchy, so I’m about reading up on other forms of non-monogamy and different perspectives.

PODCASTS!

Multiamory I really like this one, they talk about a variety of topics and it’s done in a very casual conversational way. Even if I don’t always agree with the views they present, I get to hear differing perspectives and takes on certain situations

Polyamory Weekly I haven’t listened to much of this one yet, but it seems like it deals with a wide variety of poly questions, some seem a bit more specific/relatable than on multiamory

MEETING PEOPLE! There are 2 major ways to do this as far as I can tell. You can use dating apps or go to some sort of group meetup. Dating Apps: OKCupid I think this one is the most popular with polyam folks, and there are allegedly plugins or addons that let you more specifically search for other non-monogamous people

Tinder I only include this one because 1) it’s easy to use and 2) the highest percentage of people use this one. There are polyam people on here, but you can’t specify that you only want to be seen by non-mono people, unfortunately

Fetlife This is not really a dating app, but there are poly groups you can join that are location specific. There are some groups for personals, but most are just for general chit-chat about polyam and, of course, kinky things.

PolyMatchMaker I have not used this one, but apparently it’s a dating app specifically for polyam peeps. If anyone has used this, let me know how it is and how specific you can get in regards to what your looking for and your own situation.

Plenty of Fish I tried this long ago and wasn’t a huge fan, but it does have an algorithm to breakdown your personality and figure out your compatibility with others you match with (similar to OKC I assume). And Poly people do use it.

Poly Groups:

Meetup.com I don’t use this much, but I do like it. It lets you search for public group outings/get togethers you can join and attend, including polyamorous ones. Location specific, so may or may not be helpful depending on where you live

Facebook I’m not linking here, but you can totally search the facebook groups for ‘polyamory’ and probably get something, same with events.

Loving More I’ve only recently heard about this, but apparently it’s a national group that you can join a local chapter of and hang out with other non-mono people. They also have an events tab.

Poly Speed Dating This will probably not be relevant for most people, but I have to give a shout out because I loved going to these events. I believe there are (kinda) consistent events in Boston and San Francisco, but you can contact them to set up your own local PSD session, and they will let you use their matching software/algorithm or whatnot (this may have changed, double check on that if interested).

MISC!

More Than Two website edition! Informative and a good starting point for people curious about polyamory. If you start hanging out with other poly peeps, you’ll probably hear this mentioned at some point.

Poly in the News The name is kinda self explanatory, a blog that follows poly happenings in the news/media. It has some good articles, I don’t read it too often, but mostly because I don’t have time, not because it’s not interesting

r/polyamory I used to only use this to lift my spirits with poly success stories when things in my own journey were discouraging. I now skim through this nearly everyday, I really like reading about the ups and downs of other peoples poly experience and how they handled it. It really makes me think about, if I were in that situation, what would I do? There’s also subreddits that are more specific, including an R4R if you wanna try to meet other polyams.

Unicorns-R-Us This gets thrown at couples A LOT on poly forums, but I found it to be a decent read as far as what to do and not do if you’re part of a poly couple, and it’s funny.

Polyamory.org I’ll be honest, this site is atrocious looking. But it seems like it has additional resources to a variety of poly things, including a ton of FAQs and other services. I’ll need to look into this more to sift out the useful from the less useful.

The Most Skipped Step When Opening a Relationship I found this to be very eye opening, and I think it’s a good read for couples and non-couples alike. Definitely something I wasn’t really conscious of and am glad that it was brought to my attention.

PolyFor.us Another poly blog that aims to get information out there for new and experienced polyams alike, I especially liked the article on Couples Privilege

The Anarchist Library I’ve been linked a few articles from here that were really good (but of course I can’t find them now). It’s more geared toward relationship anarchy, but you can search for other topics as well.

Polyamory School Honestly don’t know how much of a scam this is. Appears to be part blog part online school? for polyamory? If anyone has experience with this, let me know how it went. I think most of the articles are free to read though.

ACE AND POLY! This is a category I care about, maybe a bit more than other poly setups. I’ve made a post about this before, so think of this as version 2.0

AVEN A networking platforms for Ace peeps, but there are forums for polyamorous aces. I’m not currently active, but poly/ace solidarity is always nice to know about.

The Big Fat Polyamorous Asexual Post Originally by TheThinkingAsexual I believe, but I thought it was a great read and glad that it wasn’t lost to time. Informative on how being ace and poly can go together

The Thinking Asexual Now abandoned, but the archive can still be searched for writings related to polyamory. This also seems to have a slant towards Relationship Anarchy, but I think the focus is usually on asexuality in non-monogamy in general.

*** as always, if anyone has comments, advice, or recommendations, please message me about it! And please keep in mind that I made this post without having gotten to read/listen/look through everything listed here, so I’m not 100% knowledgeable on the content of every link!

[tokyoghoulaspecs]

Hi sorry, don’t want to come off as rude, but I’m not sure what all these ace flags are specific to? Pretty aeromantics are people who don’t feel “romantic” feelings towards someone. Wondering if you could explain the difference in aro flags?

Hello! There’s a lot of diversity in the community so there’s a lot to explain, but I’ll try to go over as much as I can! I know it can get pretty complicated, so feel free to ask for clarification or follow-up questions!

(If you want to learn more about aromanticism, I recommend aromanticism(dot)org which has a lot of resources, as well as searching the aromantic tag or tags of arospec identities here on tumblr!)

I also always tag the identities of the characters, so if you’re ever curious you could look at the tags and look up the orientation you see!

Asexual VS Aromantic

So firstly, I see you used “ace” up there in your ask, when your question was about aro flags. It’s a common mistake, but asexual is not an umbrella word for aromantic.

Asexuality refers to sexual attraction, and aromantic refers to romantic attraction.

Although it’s possible to be both, aromanticism and asexuality are more of a venn diagram kind of deal. There are asexuals that are not aromantic, and there are aromantics that are not asexual, and some people are both asexual and aromantic.

Instead of “asexual”, the word that does include both aros and aces is “aspec.” Aspec can refer to one or both of the a-spectrums. Which is why my url is “tokyo ghoul aspecs” and not “tokyo ghoul aces”. All aces are aspec. All aros are aspec. But not all aros are asexual, and not all aces are aromantic. (It does get confusing with all the “a” words, though)

“Pretty [sure] aromantics are people who don’t feel “romantic” feelings toward someone.”

That’s a common definition of aromanticism, and it’s not wrong! Aromantics are indeed people who don’t experience romantic attraction.

However, aromanticism is actually a spectrum! A more inclusive definition is “people who experience little to no romantic attraction.” Basically, some aros actually do experience “romantic feelings”! But how much and to what degree varies on the aromantic person, which brings us to your last question!

(If you’re a bit confused, I like to think of it in less technical terms, by this definition: “a person whose experience of romance is disconnected from normative societal expectations”. Although we aromantics may vary in how much romantic attraction we feel, none of us seem to experience it in the way most people tend to, or how society says we should.)

“Wondering if you could explain the difference in aro flags?”

I can’t do them all, as there’s a lot (flags keep being made, redesigned, new terms keep being coined, etc) and tumblr unfortunately only allows 10 images at a time.

But I can show you some of the arospec flags I’ve used on this blog!

Aromantic

Similar to nonbinary, aromantic can be used as a stand-alone identity, as well as an umbrella term for the whole aromantic spectrum.

The green in the flag was chosen because it’s the opposite of red, and red is commonly known as a romantic color.

Greyromantic and Alloaro

Greyromantic is commonly defined as experiencing “rare romantic attraction”. There is no limit on how few crushes you’ve had to be considered “rare”. If someone feels like they’ve had rare crushes compared to their friends or other people and finds comfort in the arospec label, then they can use it.

Greyromantic can also be used as an umbrella word for all arospec identities in the grey area of the aro spectrum.

Allo-aro (or aro-allo) is the shortened form of aromantic allosexual. They are aromantics that are not asexual. They experience little to no romantic attraction, but do experience regular sexual attraction.

Because of a mix of arophobia and sex-shaming, alloaros are often demonized, dehumanized, ignored, and erased, and so one way of gaining recognition and bringing together the community was @/arotaro creating this flag.

Demiromantic

Demiromantic is defined as “only experiencing romantic attraction after a bond is established.”

(If you’re thinking “but isn’t that everyone?” you might want to think about crushes again. The typical alloromantic (alloromantic = not aromantic) experience is romantic attraction at first sight. Some people prefer to wait to date until they have a bond with their crush, but they still felt romantic attraction before they began dating. For demiromantics, they do not experience any romantic attraction to a person until they have a bond, and bonding with someone is not a guarantee to experience romantic attraction to them.)

Once again, there is no time limit on this “bond.” For some demiromantics, it may be months and for others it may be years.

The flag is a bit controversial (there’s claims that the triangle is appropriation, although the design seems to have been going for a prism effect and any relation was likely unintentional) so there’s a few redesigns out there. The original triangle flag is still being used and is still most common, but some demiromantics have switched to using other flags.

The second flag there is a redesign by @/crimsxnflxwerz, which is my personal favorite. When I make demiromantic edits, I usually use both the triangle and this diamond one, so I included both here.

Lithromantic and Aroflux

Lithromantic is defined as “romantic attraction that fades upon reciprocation”. So lithromantics will get crushes on people, but if their crush is reciprocated then it will fade away.

Aroflux is defined as “fluctuating romantic attraction”. Again, the definition is loose and there is no time limit. For some it may fluctuate over months or years. For others it may fluctuate by the days.

Some fluctuate between experiencing romantic attraction and not experiencing it, and others fluctuate along different arospec identities.

Recipromantic

Recipromantic is only experiencing romantic attraction to someone you know is romantically interested in you first. The first flag is shared by recipromantics and recipsexuals, and the second is only for recipromantics.

Aroace

Aroaces are aromantic asexuals. For the longest time, aroace didn’t exactly have a flag. People would use either split the aromantic and asexual flags, or mash them together into this many striped flag you see on the right.

@/aroaesflags felt that their aromanticism and asexuality were not two separate things, but one whole identity, and they wanted a flag to properly represent that.

The orange and blue flag has taken off, and quite a lot of aroaces use it now, although some do use and prefer the green and purple flag, and there’s quite a few other redesigns out there.

Oriented Aroace & Angled Aroace

Oriented aroaces are aroaces who do not experience romantic or sexual attraction, but they experience a tertiary attraction that they feel affects their orientation and they want to label it alongside being aroace. For example, an oriented aroace lesbian is not romantically or sexually attracted to girls, but maybe she finds girls very pretty aesthetically and wants to be in a committed relationship with a girl instead of a boy.

There was a bit of gatekeeping with this term. I believe the coiner wanted it to only be used by aroaces who experience zero romantic or sexual attraction and tried to gatekeep it from aroaces in the grey areas on either/both a-spectrums. So Angled Aroace was coined by @/black-aros to be the term for those in the grey areas.

Quoiromantic and Nebularomantic

Quoiromantic is defined as someone who cannot differentiate romantic and platonic attraction, and is uncertain which they experience. It’s taken from the French word “quoi” which means “what”.

Nebularomantic is defined as someone who cannot differentiate romantic attraction from platonic attraction due to neurodivergency.

[thetaekooklibrary]

Hi! I'm so sorry about this and I don't know if it's just mine acting up or not, but the tag for asexual isn't coming up with any results? I remember reading at least two fics here that were asexual kookie but I can't find them?? IM SO SORRY FOR THE BOTHER

no, it’s fine! we haven’t had the chance to put anything in those tags yet, so thank you for asking so we’ll have stuff there now!

You can’t spell space without ace by xsmallathenabug - Looking back at time Jeongguk should’ve known. All the signs were there, all the feelings, or in this case lack of, were also there. It was all out there clear as clean water, and yet he missed it. Jeongguk really should’ve known he was asexual, and yet he didn’t.

At That Place, Again With You by porridgemilk - Taehyung wakes Jeongguk up in the middle of the night to take him out on an impromptu date.

My Lovely Lilac by Profound_Felicity - Kim Taehyung begins his freshman year of college, nervous for what lies ahead. After all, being a pansexual crossdresser can turn some heads and garner negative attention from those around him. Thanks to the “Pink Princess,” an LGBT blogger he follows religiously, he feels equipped to face whatever university has in store for him. However, nothing could prepare Taehyung for crushing on a boy who lacks the ability to feel romantic and sexual attraction.

dust by astwrid - jungkook was honestly a coward. taehyung was really not.

Love You For You by astwrid - jeongguk and taehyung had been dating for five months before the thing jeongguk dreaded finally came into their conversations: sex.

a dream in french by astwrid - running away from his life in america and to freedom in france was maybe the shittiest decision jungkook had ever madethat was, until he met taehyung.

So Faded by wtheol - “Maybe we weren’t broken after all.”

your happiness is all that i’ll ever need by demiMisanthrope - Taehyung is a fool to think Jeongguk would ever leave him, especially over something as trivial as sex.

got a question or request? check our tags page first to see if what you’re looking for is already there, or use the search bar on our blog! if you don’t have any luck with that, feel free to send us an ask when the inbox is open^^

[thecommunityoftrustworthysinks]

you know i find it kinda funny when people talk about the ace discourse and the people involved in the way like "do something better with your life" "this isn't important" "why bother" or anything like that because like

not all of us chose to get involved in this

and i know you could just say "brush it off!" but you gotta understand how it happened

i made this blog about a year before it really got started. and i followed some ace blogs, cause im ace! and it was nice! ace jokes ace content ace support ace community like it was neat and a part of my dash i appreciated

but then the discourse started. and goddamn did it suck up everything

suddenly i was getting all this shit on my dash, and people i followed and liked were posting things mocking aces, and the ace tags i regularly visited were filled with "aces should be raped" "i hope all aces drop dead" and a ton of other garbage. like suddenly it was IMPOSSIBLE to find any ace content that was free of this.

and like? i wasn't just gonna sit back and be chill while people were saying this stuff about me and people who share my orientation, like no way in hell. not to mention they were taking all my content away from me! i was suddenly unfollowing people left and right for the hateful bullshit they were posting, and for awhile i completely halted any tag visits. i STILL /search/asexual on (most) blogs before i follow them.

like seriously this was not something that everyone just chipped in for fun. i just wanted to live my ace life in peace but then i couldn't. and i wanted to stand up for myself!

when i realized it wouldn't just blow over it started getting so wearing on me i unfollowed a shitton of blogs, even ones that were ace supportive, because i just didn't want to see it anymore.

now ive followed a few of them back, because i missed the content and community, but im a lot more selective in my choices. and it's STILL basically impossible to find ace supportive blogs that don't get into discourse. (because hey, someone starts saying you should be raped for your sexuality not sure people are really gonna just sit back on that!)

like.

i get it. people on here are dumb and should just be ignored sometimes. but this wasn't something that all of us got into willingly. it happened TO some of us.

[qwerty-the-duck]

Coming out, I guess (Kinda?)

As my followers might have seen, more recently my blog has been including more ace and aromantic posts. But this post has to do with coming out in a slightly different sense. After searching both myself and the internet, I have realized that I would rather identify as gender neutral, rather than cis.

Read more for more personal info :)

I am lucky enough to have been given a gender neutral name at birth, so I will be continuing using that as my name (obviously not everyone who identifies as gender neutral, even if in my situation, would be comfortable with this).

I was also very fortunate that as a child femininity and gender roles were not very highly enforced and just as a person I have never felt serious gender dysphoria not have I ever felt really disgusted by my body (again I am not implying that there is a problem if you have) so I am comfortable with leaving my pronouns as she/her  But if they/them is used by those who know that’d be a plus

For anyone who follows me but isn’t really interested in me personally, just know (if you even read this far) that my gender is not in anyway affected by my asexuality and aromanticism, they are all completely stand alone and it is not the effect of any kind of trauma, cuz’ that’s not how gender works. For those who do know me personally know also that I am not posting this because I want the way you interact with me to change or be affected by this in anyway.

Usually I wouldn’t bother with something like this but life’s been tough with college and all. And moving into a dorm where you surrounded by women when I’m cis really puts a strain on me. The other week, on a day when I was feeling more masculine, I was told by my roommate that I looked different, and by my sister that I sounded different. At one time I was happy because I felt more at home with my new identity but on the other I was sad because I had to remember that this part of my life was going to start effecting stuff now that I am aware of it.

While this was a coming out post, I just want to remind everyone to be comfortable with who they are and to understand that a feeling you have may not just be a feeling, but that’s okay. Explore and look deeper into those feelings and you may find a part of yourself that makes you proud, but the battle for it may not be easy. It will probably take me a while before even thinking about coming out to family or irl friends but I will have to someday, for my own sake. I feel others should understand this too. Good luck to all lgbt+ people who may not understand what is going on and I hope you live you best life. Bye, thanks for reading.