#so no one does anything but the adults certainly SHOULD have and didnt

[tinseltina]

(no offense taken! i'm having so much fun talking about this!! 😆😆😆. also please don't be mad about my response either. i'm just having fun)

oh! that's an excellent point, thank you for bringing up the reality of undocumented people getting documented. and yes it can be a slow process (beaurocracy is probably slow no matter what universe you're in, even with all that magic available)

i think part of what we all were getting at is Yuu doesn't seem to be cared for THAT well while at the nrc. i think lots of fanfiction and even the canon story romanticize or gloss over the "less-than-ideal" parts (ex. yuu not having a phone until book 4, (temporarily) losing ramshackle dorm in book 3, let alone even that being possible and not something crowley stopped/could have stopped, the kidnapping in book 4 while crowley went on vacation, just to name a few).

and so, because yuu isn't actually being taken care of/watched over/is a high priority, then doing something like getting them documentation may not even be something anyone would care to do even if they were aware of the benefits.

like, crowley is an adult who (supposedly) knows how to run a school, so he should know more about what kinds of documents kids should have. and if he's not in a hurry to send the kid home, then he should be making their existence in this world easier. which he does not do (again, didn't give yuu a phone until book 4. it literally could have been a school expense, as they are now a ward of the school and is being housed and looked after there. so no needing to use his own money).

malleus: doesn't check in on yuu often in the canon books/doesn't comment on the overblots or ask how yuu is doing.

leona: isn't super friendly towards yuu. (ex. in tamashina mina yuu and grim invite themselves on the trip and lilia blackmails leona into letting them tag along. leona didn't want them around)

kalim: MAYBE he'd actually be the one to help yuu. if yuu can get his time for him to give some orders for things to happen. but we don't see him all the time? and i worry about jamil getting in the way and saying something like "kalim has more important things to worry about", or worry about kalim getting distracted and forgetting if the request isn't made immediately. (to me interacting with kalim seems like in a movie where the guy who gives you a mllion dollar briefcase and then it falls in the ocean because someone bumped into you and then poof! it's gone. like he is kind and lucky but everyone around him is unlucky 😅)

idia: yuu isn't actually friends with idia. he's not friends with anyone except online friend musclered. he hasn't interacted with them much at all in the canon stories. so he's not doing much for yuu either.

i think the pieces/opportunities are all there for yuu having a more comfortable existence in twisted wonderland, but unfortunately they're at the villain school where pretty much everyone is a self-absorbed, immature, garbage man (affectionate)

tl;dr i totally agree and love that you brought up the possibility of getting documentation even if it's slow. but that would require people to actually care about yuu/be more considerate towards them. and in canon there's not a lot of evidence of that, but this is all based on a darker interpretation of what we see in the game.

Something I think about a lot is that Yuu technically doesn't exist in Twisted Wonderland. They have no birth certificate or ID or anything. They really are trapped under Crowley's "generosity", no document to prove they're a citizen of that world with rights and shit. Crowley took 4 books to give them a phone. And Book 4 happens in December, so Yuu has been living without a phone since, what, August? Which is when the school year starts?

Yuu could die and their existence could not be proven. For all the world is concerned, NRC made up a magicless student on their own.

[justatalkingface]

I saw your answer for the ua sending kids to danger, especially war, and I raise you a different possibility (100% speculation on my part) "can we say for sure the others schools were asked the same thing but said no?"

Yes. We dont know anything about the others schools. Maybe they offer and Hori never show as we saw them entering in the war part 2: the eletrical bangaloo....but to be fair, it would be hard for them to sit in class and doing homework as war is literally in their grounds, streets and so forth.

But on part 1. We dont see the others students there. So again, my especulation, what if they had put feets down and said no?

But Nezu said yes? I can think of a few reasons for that. (Keep in mind I dont think Nezu is a smart as Hori and the fandom wants us to think)

1) could have been a power play of sort. "Only mys students can handle this" which well...could work as Nezu is not human and doesnt seem to care about the students on a whole (remmeber Mina and Kami vs Nezu? How fair was that?)

2) he genuinely thought his students would be an asset to the heroes and said ok. Which makes me believe even more he doesnt care for his students's safety.

3) he was forced. Ok, what could have made him agree to this? Blackmail comes to mind but what secret is si damn important you are willing to send kids to war?

Those are my top 3 reasons. And not sure if is canon this but I think the class A1 didnt know they were sent to a war...if this is true, then is anothet adult(non human) who failed Izu.

Like MHA is an accidental dystopia.

The thing is with Nezu is the age old standard of Int/Wis; Nezu is book smart, he has a lot of knowledge, facts, and ability to apply those facts to make a thing happen. That's Intelligence, the ability to use your mind, and he's probably only has even faintest hint of competition in his sheer Int score with Dr. Diabolus Ex Machina.

Wisdom, on the other hand, is when you go, 'But should I do this'?

At a memetically extreme example, a High Int, Low Wis character could find a door somewhere, decide to open it, and make a siege engine out of, I don't know, hamburgers and coat hangers to bust it open. This is certainly a thing they could do, and it'd work because they are, in fact, that spot.

Meanwhile, the character with higher (any) Wisdom would walk up to the door... and then try to open it like a normal person.

Intelligence is ability to use your mind, and Wisdom is what tells you how you should use your mind, and when you look at Nezu, you only really see Intelligence, and then no one in story ever seems to question his decisions, really, because he's really smart, but there's a real question if he uses his intelligence well? Because there are a lot of 'I can do this, but no one, including me, ever asked if I should do this' kinds of choices in UA, and if we're not just blaming it on bad writing, all of that comes down to Nezu, in the end. The literal cities they just... have? The robots that probably have killed people? The Sports Festival? All of those are thing with very questionable elements that UA does anyways, seemingly because they can and no one's ever stopped them from doing it.

That's looking at the question from the angle of 'Nezu, while well meaning, made a bad call'. There is, however, one other major option, and it starts with this: why does Nezu run a school? On a fundamental level, I'm not sure Nezu's goal in running UA is for the students, so much as he views the students as a step towards his goal.

Unironically, he's a sadist who enjoys low-key torturing human beings because of past trauma, which... before anything else, begs a question: is it just low-key torture he likes? Or is he just practical enough to realize than anything more would be more trouble than it's worth?

But, beyond that problem, let's look at his position: he's the head of UA, the biggest, bestest school for Heroes, which is a job that comes with a lot of publicity/power, which, inevitably, rolls back to him. His job allows him massive amounts of control over the development of the cutting edge of heroism, who by dint of their fame and success influence other heroes, all of which collectively influences Japanese society as a whole by a pretty significant degree.

Meanwhile, Nezu is: brilliant, deeply traumatized, likes torturing, and through that defacto controlling, humans. He's also not a human, and takes pains at times to point out that others are humans and he's not, while also having assumably inhuman instincts and priorities; almost certainly he has some level of anti-human bias.

There's... there's an obvious correlation here. Fundamentally, Nezu is a character who seems to be made to be complicated, imperfect, with dark depths to him. The way he's written, Hori clearly doesn't want him to be, but, well, he writes a lot of deeply flawed characters we're supposed to find no wrong with.

If you look at Nezu that way, where he views students more as an asset, or an investment, than as, well, students, or as people, then your point takes on a different light. Looking at it with cold logic, the students can contribute to the various conflicts; even if they die, for the greater good of society (which he lives in and benifits from), heroism as a career (which he is in a position to benefit from greatly, as well as influenced greatly), and quite frankly as a living being on Japan/Earth, that cost is more than worth the price if they help support the status quo; its not like there's not going to be more next year, right?

And that's the thing that really interests me; what the hell was Hori thinking when he made Nezu? With Bakugou and Endeavour, for example, you can see where they started off one way, and went another? Nezu though? His entire point as a character seems to be firmly as the 'nice but somewhat manipulative' principal, but it's a waste of his fundamental characteristics. Did he have a different role in the prototype? Because if I was writing Nezu as a character, here's what I'd write him as:

An enemy. Not evil, not a villain, but a obstacle for Izuku to surpass in UA; it's not that he's bigoted, like Aizawa is (or at least to the same extent), he just well and truly doesn't care about people and what they do as long as his bottom line is met. And Izuku isn't there to be a new hero, like Bakugou, about fame and wealth, he doesn't fit. Worse yet, if we're working off of the original, 'Quirkless Hero' framework? Fundamentally, he is a threat to the concept of heroes that is established, that makes people want to think outside the box, and the thing is? Nezu likes the box. He's one of the people who designed it; he'd like everyone to stay in the box, please and thank you.

There's this epic story we're never going to get of Izuku being a little revolutionary, fighting against the heroic establishment to change heroism for the better and for the rights of the Quirkless, and his first major enemies are: Bakugou, the bully, Aizawa, the biased teacher who enables Bakugou and attacks Izuku, and Nezu, who enables all of them, and barely gives a shit about Izuku at all but would absolutely murder him in a heartbeat if he thought he could get away with it, but is resigned to fact he can't just kill people because they mildly irk him.

To your last point, though, fundamentally MHA is exactly a dystopia, by design; it's dystopian nature is one of the main causes for almost all conflicts in the story, from the villains, to the heroes, to Izuku's core personality traits, but for some reason Hori got really scared to admit that so he covered all the bars and locks with confetti... only after he got all the ways he purposefully made it a dystopia looking all harmless and fun, he missed all the ways he accidently made it a dystopia. To this day, I'm still not sure if he designed the heroic pay system, what little of it we know, to be purposefully that fucked up, or he just did some basic work to support what happens in the story and missed how deeply disturbing those implications were.

[officehrs]

dont you think youre being too harsh by saying he should be able to communicate with you since he’s an adult? your confession could have hurt his image considering how much time he has alloted to you,, what went from fatherly love is now pity, did you really think coming clean about your feelings would repair what was already broken. you are a kid, you are his student,, you need to know your place. your increasing attachment to him made you lose sight of what was important about the bond you shared

again thanks anon for the questions,, idk if u are the same person or a different one but either way i do really appreciate it!! it makes me think much more critically of how i perceive our relationship and everything that has happened in its course ,, with that being said, this will certainly be a longer post than usual, just so im able to explain everything.

i highly encourage all of you read this — i explain why i sort of hate him now, how i confessed, how he has changed, and why our relationship cant work anymore.

i should clarify that in my other post, i said “he should be able to communicate since he's an adult” not as something i believe now, but something i believed at the worst of our relationship some weeks ago. though this is an idea that subconsciously lingers (because i believed it so intensely!!), since then, i have experienced events in my personal life that have required me to “grow up,” even more, contrary to what i might project here. to believe he has inherent malicious intent or inherent insensitivity in everything he does surrounding me is completely at odds with how i see humanity as a whole. it wasnt and isnt justified, but i was really just desperate to see that immediate reparation of our relationship like you described, and to me it wouldve been, ideally, this sudden blooming and everything being good between us again. but this is impossible, and i wish i could have warned my earlier self of that much more!! he has experienced things that have changed him since last year and i have experienced things that have changed me also. this is something im trying to accept now.

though i was very childish in my reasoning for choosing to confess, i didnt do it without thinking. for that reason, i fight back more strongly against the idea that my confession could have hurt his image in any way. i loved him and i was extremely saddened by him when i wrote what i did, but i did not want to hurt him so inconsiderately, costing his job or reputation for something that (as i wrote, and as u acknowledge) was literally my fault — that being, my attachment to him 😬 so, i did everything in my power to ensure that this would be private and really only painful for myself. its not easy to confess, i promise!! but anyway, i dont remember if i shared this detail (like my other post), but the confession itself was in the form of a letter, sealed by an envelope that i gave to him directly with no one else around. the contents were, then, completely discreet. as for the confession itself, i shared very sensitive and specific information (like being gender non-conforming and the name i go by, which ive never told anyone, and more details about not having emotionally present parents). this essentially means that the only way the confession could hurt his image is if he told someone about its contents, or anything about it at all, which would be an egregious act on his part — he would be the only method of damaging his image, and in fact, he already has throughout the year!! his students tend to feel that he unfairly treats them, and find him pretty stubborn and unlikable. people loved him a lot more last year when he was more free and caring, including me jsladksjks

but dont be mistaken, anon,, you undeniably speak truth in other things said, and im grateful that you can derive that fundamental truth from what i post here, which i unfortunately have to manipulate (in minor ways) in order to protect myself and r, and really everyone. one thing i absolutely enjoy is how you articulated the change in our relationship ("fatherly love to pity") because its very brief, yet applicable in its entirety; in all its implications. although its a bit painful to see him see ME as this sad character who never experiences joy, its for all the wrong reasons. honestly, in my last post i lied — he didnt feel guilty for treating me like garbage, but he felt guilty for recommending me things to do during this time, which i expressed in the confession and after is NOT the problem. this misunderstanding is something that cant be fixed, though. his ideological change prevents him from seeing the reality of the situation the way i see it, because he would have to change the way he sees reality as a whole; if this happened a year ago, he would not pity me at all. i know this sounds very wrongfully confident, but it is true. people complain about him now, and i dont enjoy his presence anymore because he believes in things that oppose the lives of his students. my confession was then even more immature because i thought, basically “i could fix him” 😵‍💫

in this, you are right anon: i am just a kid. i have proven it time and time again in this post alone!! but, you must understand: i am NOT his student, and i havent been this entire year. when we talked monday, 5/16/22 (the same day i cited in my last post) he also said that in many ways, he is not my teacher. in academic terms, i am not his student — i am an assistant to him who helps the people he actually, actively teaches. in attachment terms, i have horribly turned him into a replacement of my father. and in occupational terms, i have surpassed him intellectually in the subject he used to “privately teach” me about, and therefore, he cant really teach me anymore. when i say privately teach, i mean he would tell me things and give me books to read about the subjects we both had interest in (philosophy, and the social sciences), when i would see him after school. but, because he knew very little about both, i quickly became much more knowing of both areas than he is with what he gave me and my own private study. of course, he knows way more about the subjects he formally teaches (film and lit) than i do, but these i am not really interested in, so he could not teach me unless the material is stuff that im not passionate about. there's more, but i dont want to sound like im bragging, and im sure im not making this any clearer ,,, anyway, overall, i agree with you; though im not his student, i need to know my place. and again, this is something i have been trying to reinforce to myself.

i wanted to add a transition to this by saying the last thing brought up is something that i should clarify, but it cant be clarified because i havent ever said it. nevertheless, let it be known that my increasing attachment to him — at least as i perceive it — is not what made me “lose sight of what was important about the bond [we] shared.” i would argue, even, that i never lost sight of what was important about our relationship. but the issue is that his incompatible views of life (in my view) and his constant maltreatment of me and other people (like my best friend too, actually), have been fueling a decreasing attachment to him. really, my only attachment to him now is to how he made me feel and what he once was.

for the both of us, its best that we do not talk to each other anymore, and this is something i wrote in my confession. additionally, my confession has always served as my ultimate presentation of the truth about our relationship. to r, he was glad to be told the truth, and as he said it the day after i gave him the letter, he would rather know than not to know. to me, last year, i wanted to confess the same way on the day i would graduate, and i finally got to do it this year, although at a completely unplanned time. and with this, i conclude my response 🐇

im very sorry if this is incomprehensible — ive been writing this response for 3 hours now, and im extremely worn from it.. regardless, thank you anon for giving me the opportunity to explain,, please continue to do so by raising those questions (you or anyone else)!!

[league-of-thots]

YeeHawks

Pairing: Hawks x female reader

Word Count: 3.3k+

Warnings: 18+, alcohol, riding, is cowboy kink a warning?

A/N: not the way y’all wanted me to return, but the way y’all deserve lol. i didnt really have the energy to give it an in depth edit but sometimes it be like that

         You wipe the sweat from your brow, the sun is high in the bright, cloudless sky. It means that the heat is just pouring down in waves from the sky though, and you curse the fact that you’d agreed to switch shifts with one of the other farmhands that had asked you the day before. Part of you wants to find Kirishima and reem him out, but you know he’s a sweetheart and wouldn’t have ever done something that would make things harder for you on purpose.

         Having said that, imagining giving the man a piece of your mind makes it easier for you to grit your teeth and put your back into heaving large packets of grains into a wheelbarrow for the pigs, so that you wouldn’t have to make as many trips. Instead, it would just be one hellish trip, and a lot less walking in the heat.

         Wiping the stray dirt on your pants you sigh. You feel sticky and can feel the grit on your face, on your arms. You must smell something fierce, though you know compared to the pigs you’d be feeding in a few minutes, you smelt like a bed of flowers.

         You feel the strain on your back as you finally finish loading the wheelbarrow and start to haul it over to the south side of the Academy farm. The ground is rough, and you feel the jarring of the weight in your shoulders, you’re going to be so sore tomorrow.

         After you finish feeding the pigs, you take the supplies back to where they belong and head off to start some of your final tasks of the day. One is milking the cows, and the other being your favourite, plowing some of the dirt to prepare for the new season.

         Is it a bit stupidly cliché that you love riding the big tractor while the sun lowers in the sky? Maybe. Is it worth it? Absolutely. It’s one of the best views you’ve seen in your life. Plus, it always helps clear your mind from a day of hard work so that when you enter one of the farmhouses, you’re ready to do whatever else you need to get done.

         When you park the tractor back to its spot in the barn, you see a few of the other farmhands talking together. They’re laughing with one another, and you wave to them as you walk out with your overcoat and keys.

         You’re in a daze until you realize you’ve somehow already started up a warm shower, standing under the steam to relieve your body from the stress of the day. Your muscles feel so much better with the hot water on them and the steam makes you feel as if you’re in stasis. It’s good because tomorrow is going to be a big day, the August festival, a celebration that the community holds as a sort of last hurrah before the season gets busy once again.

         After you’re clean and put together, you head downstairs to have a quick conversation with the couple other farmhands that share the house with you. You need to check if there’s anything else you need to do to help with the final preparations for tomorrow. The four of you had made some homebrew cider to share with the other townspeople, and it tasted quite good, despite being a little heavy on the alcohol. But nobody would be complaining about that, of course.

         “Mmm, I think its fine.” Mina says, faced scrunched up in thought. “We did pretty well with it for sure.”

         “I agree,” you reply. “Just wanted to make sure I could pass out for the night. I’m fucking dead.” She laughs a little at that.

         “Gotta make sure you have the energy for tomorrow. I hear that it’s going to be extra wild.” She waggles her eyebrows. “You know that there’s going to be a horse-ridin’ performance from our sheriff’s department, but there’s also gonna be some cowboys over here to show off some of their skills too.”

         You’re slightly intrigued at that. Maybe, you’ll even get to see him again… but, better not get your hopes up too much. Instead, you say, “That would definitely be a treat for all the hard work that this year’s been.”

         Mina nods sagely at that. “If I see that blonde, twink of a cowboy I’m goin’ to make him my bitch. Because I deserve it.” That brings a snort out of you, but you pray a little for Denki if you do see him tomorrow, because lord knows he’s going to need it.

         The two of you chat for a little while longer before you wish her a good night and head up to get some rest. You do have a busy day to get ready for after all.

           You wake up early the next day, ready to quickly get your tasks done so you can let loose with friends and community members that night. You wish that you don’t have to do any work, but you can’t have everything you want.

         So, you drag yourself out of bed, muscles tight and body sore, to quickly grab a protein bar and a cleaner pair of working clothes. Your overalls are starting to sport holes and there are some dark stains that just won’t ever come off. You need new ones, you think, as you walk towards the horse pen.

         You love the horses, how sweet most of them are and how peaceful it is in their separated area. It’s especially nice in the early morning, with a crisp breeze and the sun peeking out on the horizon. You grab the feed mix that someone had mixed the day before and drag it over to the troughs, where there are already some of the animals waiting for you to arrive. The horses have learned to expect people in the morning, and some of the more assertive ones wait at the fence to be the first ones to get to eat.

         While they feed, you prepare the cleaning tools inside the small stable that is connected to the fenced off pen. You take each horse that’s finished eating into the small shelter to clean their hooves, brush out their mane and body, and then your favourite part, riding them for a few laps of the enclosure to make sure they run a bit each day.

         It’s while you’re dismounting a cute mare named Starlight when you hear a low whistle from behind you. Someone’s obviously been watching you, and sitting there just outside the enclosure.

“Damn, baby, wonder if you could ride me as good as those horses there.” You feel a vein ticking in your head as you recognize the voice. He’s supposed to be getting ready for the group event, not bothering you while you try to get some fucking work done before you can finally relax and celebrate.

         You turn your body and inwardly groan as your suspicions are confirmed, sitting there waiting is a certain cowboy who’s always managed to piss you off greatly every time one of his short visits brings him to the UA farms.

         “Hello, Hawks.” You grit your teeth as you move towards the next horse that you’re about to take care of.

         “I’m wounded, really, that you don’t sound pleased ta see me, angel.” There’s a satisfied smirk on his face. He really does get off on toying around with you and seeing how much he can piss you off. So, you take a deep breath and calm yourself.

         “Now, why would you expect anything different? I haven’t forgotten the last time you came aroun’-“

         He waves you off. “You’re bein’ ridiculous. It was a harmless joke.”

         “I had to clean the stables for TWO WEEKS.” He just laughs at your anger, totally unphased. It grinds your gears more, the cheeky grin on his face that charms everyone around him, whittling down your intense irritation.

         “Well, if anythin’ everyone else certainly enjoyed it.” You grumble out some choice words about him, making sure they’re loud enough for him to here, as you start brushing out the mane of the mare in front of you. He seems pleased with himself, leaning on the fence, head on his hands.

         “Do you not have somewhere to be? Something you should be practicing for?” He lazily waves away your attempts to get him away from the work you’d like to finish up.

         “Who needs practice? I know exactly what I’ve gotta do so there’s no real reason for me to waste my energy before the actual performance.” He says it with a casual arrogance, that you know comes from years of experience and absolute confidence in his abilities. “The only thing I wanna do right now is try all of the good I know y’all made for the party tonight.”

         You give him an unimpressed look. “Just because we know each other does not mean that I’m going to just give you the cider meant for the community.” He pouts “You can try it when everyone else does later.”

         “Yeah, but we have a special connection.” He grins and you splutter, embarrassed and trying to put away the memories of your bodies pressed together and calloused fingers in your cunt.

         “Jesus, Hawks. Shut up.” You look around furtively, checking to see if anyone would’ve overheard.

         “You like me loud.” God, his smug look makes you feel hot and bothered.

         “Get outta here so I can finish my work, damn it.” He just laughs, turning around before turning back.

         “You better save me some of the goodies y’all made up for after the performance.”

         “Yeah, whatever,” you grumble, face flushed and mind now distracted with memories of Hawks’ hands tangled in your hair.

           “Well, now. This is delicious.” Your eyes follow his tongue that darts out to lick the drop of the cider that had dripped onto his lips. You’d made sure to fill a plate up with the treats that had been spread around the outdoor tables, lanterns hung up around them not only for ease of finding them, but also to light up the evening. “You helped make this?”

         “Yup. You wouldn’t believe how difficult it was between never having done it before and Mina’s enthusiasm. God bless Momo, without her we wouldn’t have gotten it done.” He laughs, and you can’t help that you can’t keep your eyes off of him.

         He was slightly sweaty from his earlier performance, which had been perfectly executed, tank top tucked into worn jeans with a feather-like buckle. His eyes are scanning the crowd around as the two of you lean on the outside of the saloon, the inside being too filled with inebriated or high adults to even try to squeeze into a seat.

         “So, how’s life been around here since I last visited?” he asks between bites of some spicey brisket, obviously enjoying it.

         “Ah, not much. Just the usual social drama. Actually, Shinsou almost got his dick sliced off by some machinery someone had fucked around with. I swear to god that man has the worst luck I’ve ever seen.”

         “Holy shit, sure does sound like it.”

         “But yeah, it’s just living day to day for me now. Not much new happens out here, as you very well know.” He shrugs.

         “Might as well see. What’s even keeping you here, then?”

         “Not everyone needs to be on the road their whole life to be happy, Hawks.”

         “I suppose. More cider?”

         “Sure.”

           You’ve drank way too much, you know that. But the fuzziness in your head just makes you want to keep going, to have fun and make up for all the time you lose working long hours every day.

         Besides, Hawks is there beside you, egging you on and matching you drink for drink. His hands always seem to be on your body, either squeezing your ass, wrapped around your shoulders or waist. It makes you feel warm, and you know he’s teasing you, trying to rile you up. He wants to see how bothered he can make you before you snap and drag him off to some private place.

         You’re determined to beat him out though. So, you lean into his body space and trace your hands over his arms, the insides of his wrists. You hear his breath hitch, though his attention is kept on whatever conversation is happening in front of you.

         Of course, this is Hawks, who has just as much patience as a saint, despite being as far from one as possible. But you’re drunk and turned on and the teasing is too much for you to handle, so when there’s a brief pause in the activity around the two of you, you pull him down so you can whisper in his ear how much you want him.

         He grins, “Might as well head back to your place then.” You agree and drag him with you.

         The moment you’re in the house, you wrap your arms around his neck so you can bring his lips to yours. Its messy and rushed, but it’s relieving at the same time. The two of you have done this enough in the few times that he passes through that he’s comfortable enough to let you take charge for a bit.

         “You can’t even wait ‘til we’re upstairs, sugar?” he chuckles, drawing out each word. You feel the rumble of them, pressed up as you are against his chest.

         “Shut up, Hawks.” You grumble, pulling him towards your room if that’s what it’ll take to get his dick out faster.

         After rushing in the room, you kick the door shut behind you and immediately get back to kissing him. This time, he makes more of an effort to assert himself, holding your face in his hands and licking into your mouth. You sigh into him, your hands finding his heated skin beneath his shirt as the pace slows down from the frantic rush it had been. It becomes sensual, and you can feel him getting more aroused as he slowly shifts his hands, starting to grind into you.

         You pull away from him, getting some air as you start to take off his shirt. He enthusiastically moves to help and you get to admire his muscles stretch as he does. Obviously, life constantly on the road does wonders for your abs.

         “You too, sugar. You’re gonna make me feel underdressed.” He says as he moves to take off the rest of his garments. A laugh slips out of you as you hastily get out of your outfit. When you turn your attention back to him, he’s sitting on the bed and he gestures for you to join him.

         When you do, he kisses you again, intensely, as he guides you onto your back. You sigh as he kisses down the side of your jaw to mark your neck, reaching blindly for the lube and condoms beside the bed.

         He quickly slides it on and you hear the squelching of lube as he moves in a rush. You don’t have time to make fun of him though, because as soon as he’s finished, he spreads your legs and puts the head of his dick at your entrance.

         He groans, closing his eyes as he enters you, and its uncomfortable for a little bit. Soon enough though, you relax, and start to feel great as he moves his hips slowly against you. Hawks fucks deeply, you know this from your times before, but each time it feels just as tantalizing as the last.

         “Hawks, please.” You pant, trying to wiggle a little bit just to get some friction, some tiny relief for the edging you’ve been through. He just gives you a smirk, as he keeps you completely locked between him and the mattress. You tense so hard he groans on top of you, but he doesn’t let you move, dick still sitting snug inside your cunt.

         “Well, let’s see those barebacking skills you were showin’ off earlier then, hmm?” he says, his voice low and gruff. With ease, he gets the both of you turned around so you’re now sitting with your ass on his thighs, hands clamped tight on your waist keeping you in place while he lays back on the headboard. He nods satisfactorily, looking you up and down with lidded eyes. “Y’know, I like this view much better, baby. What a pretty picture you make right on top of me.” Part of you wants to roll your eyes, but the warmth that his words give you makes the impulse disappear.

         “You know, Hawks, in order for me to show you said skills, you’re going to have to let me move.” He laughs as you try and lift yourself against the pressure he’s putting, obviously unable to really do anything. “Seriously, you dick, lemme move.”

         “But the face you make when I play these little games with you is so cute, sugar.” He’s got a faux innocent smile across his face and you pout and cross your arms in response. “Okay, okay, I’m done. I promise,” he says, letting off all the pressure, but keeping the two of you connected at the hips.

         “Thank you.” you quip, starting a quicker pace than the one Hawks had been setting, gravity still making it just as deep as before.

         Being drunk obviously makes Hawks that much louder, or maybe it’s the change up in position, you can’t be sure. But, his praises, his deep moans, the lewd noises from the slapping of your body against his hips, it all makes you feel hot as hell.

         You look down, seeing Hawks’ eyes widened and excited, he grins when he notices your look and begins to rock up into you. You throw your head back in as he hits deep within you, crying out his name. Hearing it obviously enthuses him as he grunts in exertion, starting to thrust upwards harder, and you feel your body responding, muscles tightening as you get closer to your climax.

         “God, you’re gorgeous like this, y’know?” he gets out through gritted teeth. “I’m not going to be able to last much longer…” He’s panting, fingers digging into your hips sharply, sure to leave marks.

         “Please, I wanna cum Hawks!”

         “Tell me what you need, sugar, I’ll give it to you.” Hearing that makes you smile, he was always so attentive to your needs.

         “Touch me…”

         “You gotta tell me where for that.” Even when so close to his climax, somehow, Hawks manages to be cheeky. However, when he’s fucking you this well, it’s much easier to let the teasing roll off your back.

         “My clit, Hawks. You do know what that is, right?” He lets out a genuine laugh at that, before sending one hand down towards the bundle of nerves.

         It’s enough, between the stimulation and the deep thrusts into your cunt, that you feel yourself tighten and cry out, cumming hard onto his cock. You lean into him, kissing him hard as pleasure courses through your body.

         He works you through it, breathing heavily, you can feel his pulse skittering under your hands. You feel him twitch within you, and an idea forms in your mind. Mind wrapped up in pleasure, you act on the thought immediately, bringing your hands to his chest to play with his nipples.

         He loves it, making keening noises as you work, legs shaking with effort to stay up and keep pace with him. You let him take the lead and you hear him shout and arch up as you pinch his buds, feeling him release.

         He thrusts a couple more times, lazily and slowly, kissing the top of your head as you settle down to lie on his chest for a few minutes.

         You breath deeply, content in the moment. You know after you clean up and rest, he’ll be gone on the road once again, so you relax, enjoying the presence.

[ilikeyoshi]

best moments in the entirety of the legend of zelda:

adult arc in oot because of sheik's guidance, who is zelda. also the final boss fight.

2/3rds of wind waker because of tetra's involvement, who is zelda. also the final boss fight.

final boss fight in twilight princess.

first hour or so of skyward sword.

literally the entirety of spirit tracks because zelda is as close to WITH YOU the entire adventure as we've ever gotten and i am SOOOOO ANGRY THEY FINALLY DID THIS IN A THIRD SEQUEL ON A HANDHELD WHERE EVERYONE AND THEIR DOG KNEW ONLY A FRACTION OF THE FANBASE WOULD PLAY IT AND NOW CAN PULL THE "WELL WE MADE ZELDA MORE CENTRAL AND IT DIDNT SELL" CARD FUCK OFF YOU RIGGED IT YOU CHEAP SPINELESS SHITHEADS

first ten minutes of totk. also the last phase of the final boss in totk.

LITERALLY all of the botw hyrule warriors spin-off.

LITERALLY. and i am not joking. the cd-i game where you get to play AS zelda.

and like u will notice this hardly lines up with my feelings about the games in general bc botw isnt even ON this list despite giving us THE most developed, compelling zelda EVER, AND YET i'm counting fucking the cd-i games on this list.

bc literally zelda is the coolest, most involved character, who has worked her ass off in almost every game, certainly EVERY game since oot, and without her the world ENDS every time—but she's undermined and done SO dirty by the fact that, less and less, she's FRONT AND CENTER AT ALL. she hasn't participated in the final battle in TWO back to back major installments, an irl time period spanning over 10 years!!!!! ((yes i know you're about to tell me that's wrong, but before you do i need you to understand i am carefully wording this so as to not cause spoilers. if you know you know. if you don't, this statement is still true.))

anyway it just makes me insane. i love all these zelda games (and to be completely honest with you i think i'd love the cd-i game too, at least for the parts of relevance to this post) to death but GOD i wish they'd actually just make zelda a consistently central character. active in the game we are PLAYING instead of always delegated to the background (even though everything she does in the bg IS COOL, but like, what i'm saying is she could be doing the cool stuff IN THE CENTER OF THE GAME WITH US), like, and actually COMMIT to that. it's not like this hasn't been a huge ask in the fanbase for decades. y'all KNOW a game where zelda is WITH US (NOT EVEN PLAYABLE, JUST WITH US, ALTHOUGH YOU SHOULD MAKE HER PLAYABLE TOO) would sell like CRAZY if you didn't hide it in a "low risk" game just to pretend any statistics you gained from that game mean absolutely anything in the greater convo. my GOD.

i am vouching hard for PRESENT AND WITH US NPC COMPANION ZELDA SPECIFICALLY because it makes their whole "but what would link do?" argument irrelevant. but ALSO, if nintendo DID design the games' stories to keep link and zelda adventuring TOGETHER, it would literally be effortless, from a narrative perspective, to make zelda playable. "what would link do?" he'd STAY WITH ZELDA, the same way she'd STAY WITH LINK, because the plot already mandates they NEED TO WORK TOGETHER AND TAKE THE SAME STEPS TOGETHER.

you could do so much fun stuff with this!!!!! the ability to swap between them at will to solve different puzzles—link would be needed for his various gadgets like his hookshot, and zelda would be needed for her magic! or just the resident evil style ability to pick one of two characters to play out the story with, where the other is simply an npc companion who still fulfills all their roles because the story is DESIGNED to keep them together.

we could have it ALL!!!!!!!! NINTENDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

never forget that botw/totk zelda is the best zelda of all time. she is SOOOOOOOOO PRECIOUS I AM FURIOUS SHE WAS WRENCHED 100% OUT OF THE CENTER STORY TWICE

[jupitermelichios]

On a more possitive note, I’ve started watching Sword Art Online. It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever seen (and the last film I saw in cinemas was Cats to give you context for the scale i’m working on here) and I kind of adore it in much the same way I love garbage like Smallville or Twilight. It’s so stupid on so many levels. You could challenge someone to write the worst anime, and it would almost certainly be better than SAO. It’s almost hypnotic how terrible it is.

No one should watch this terrible terrible show so I therefore don’t feel at all bad that I’m about the spoil absolutely everything, but honestly if you do also hate-watch this please come talk to me about how terrible it is. I don’t know anyone else who watches it.

Highlights of Season 1 include:

everyone is trapped in an MMO, and if you die in the MMO you die IRL. but if you were a beta-tester you’re probably fine because they just let them keep all their levels and items from the testing, so they’re all massively OP and everyone just accepts this as a normal and non-game-breaking thing

it’s a fantasy MMO but there’s no races, no magic system, no weapons except swords and maces, and not even an option to dual wield - literally all you can do in this fucking game is stand in front of an enemy and mash the attack button. I’m pretty sure they’re trapped there because the devs realised no one would play this post launch-day otherwise because it’s boring as shit

when the villain traps everyone he also just changs all their avatars to look like they do IRL for absolutely no reason, like actually none, he doesn’t even say he thinks it would be funny, he just does it and no one questions it and it is literally never mentioned again because this is the worst TV show ever animated.

in the second episode the main character deliberately witholds information about how to defeat a boss, indirectly causing multiple deaths. there is absolutely no reason for him to withhold it, he was just being a jerk because he doesn’t like people

in the third episode they reset his entire personality and he’s now a selfless hero pretending to be a lower level than he really is so people will find him more relateable and be his friend because all he wants is to help people. this is not a consequence of episode 2, they just decided they didnt like the character as he’d previously been written.

he makes some new friends who are all objectively terrible people who have decided for no season that the twelve year old who doesn’t really know how to play and keeps having anxiety attacks about the very real possibility of death has to be the guild tank. the MC is high enough level to be functionally immortal in like half the levels, but doesn’t tell anyone this he just lets them go on bullying this child

none of his friends survive that episode, in the game or IRL. which is also a christmas epsiode. a child dies in battle because she’s a terrible tank and then a man commits suicide out of guilt, so then the main character murders santa to try and bring them back from the actual dead but it doesn’t work because again, this is a video game and they are dead IRL, so then he walks off into the snow alone. Christmas!

we meet the best character in the entire show in episode 4, Rosalia, who has gone evil and started just straight murdering people because she’s sick of being an attractive adult woman who can’t get a date because she’s surrounded by lolicons who are only interested in the preteen characters (not a joke, that comes up, the show is firmly on the side of the lolicons)

in the same episode we get an extended bra and panty sequence staring an actual fucking child, like canonically this character is maybe 13 at best. this is one of only 2 occaisions when they feel the need to undress a character and it’s the fucking 12 year old, it’s so gross it reads like a parody of itself

literally every single named female character aged over 8 who talks to the MC falls in love with him after like 5 minutes (and in season 2 this includes his actual sister). he shows absolutely no interest in any of them (including his sister, thank god) until...

the main character gets engaged to a girl he only knows from an MMO after a virtual single date (he doesn’t actually win her in a PVP match but only because he looses the match, he 100% canonically tries to win her in a match, which she is apparently fine with). he then doesn’t bother to ask for her real name until the final episode, he just calls her by her screen name

(that’s okay though becuase it turns out that this moron of a love interest used her real name, on a local server, in a game where your character looks like you do IRL, because apparently getting doxxed is her hobby)

they then get in-game married off screen. there’s not even like a still of a wedding photo. nothing. the main character proposes and then the show immediately jumps to the honeymoon, it’s fucking bizarre.

they find a creepy child dressed all in white with no memory alone in the woods a week into their honeymoon who starts calling them mommy and daddy literally seconds after they first meet her, and they don’t suspect anything suss is going on and adopt her

for hilarity bear in mind the main character may only be 15 at this point (he says he’s only just turned 16 in the last epsiode, but his actual birthday is never mentioned), and his virtual wifu is 16, but no one ever questions the marriage or the adoption, even though ‘hey marriage in a video game is as important and meaningful as marriage in real life’ is an actual conversation people have multiple times. also they think the child they adopt is an actual IRL 8 year old who thinks these randos she met in an MMO are her mum and dad and everyone just goes with that like it’s a totally normal thing

a character called ‘Thinker’ agrees to meet an enemy faction leader for peace talks. the “peace talks” take place in a high level dungeon and he is told to come alone with no weapons and no fast travel. he does this. no one ever comments that his name is ironic, and in fact they seem to think that being betrayed and trapped in a dungeon with a boss is a totally unexpected turn of events Thinker could never have planned for

they take their new baby into the dungeon to rescue thinker, because they went to the jean grey school of baby rearing, and she imediately reveals that she’s actually a magical maggufin with infinite power, murders the grim reaper, and then dies. In literally the second episode she’s in

after she dies the MC hacks the admin account of the game, converts her corpse into an in game item, and saves to the local storage on his console, with the intention of bringing her back to life as a robot once they’re saved from the game. I’m not joking, that’s an actual thing that happens.

the fact that the main character can just access the main admin account and make massive game-breaking changes isn’t used again in that game and he never thinks to try and use it to force log people out or give himself infinite life so he can just rush the game and free everyone. nope, convert a corpse into an item and then never think about it again.

there’s an entire episode where all they do is go fishing. its the only filler episode in the season, and it immediately follows the death of a small child. it’s the most tone-deaf beach episode in writing history

it turns out this game, this game where they didn’t bother coding in any difference races, weapons, or any kind of magic system, was intended to have fully sentient AI therapists, because why the fuck not at this point honestly

oh also the game has PVP and you can trick the game into thinking a sleeping player is in PVP with you in order to actually murder a real person without it flagging in-game as a murder making the crime impossible for the real life legal system to investigate even though you just murdered a person. and they expect us to believe this game had actual beta testers. at least cyberpunk wasn’t played on microwaves you connected straight to your brain (also not a joke, the VR consoles canonically work by sending microwave radiation into your brain, no wonder VR never caught on)

the set up for the show is that they have to reach level 100 of a dungeon in order to win. At level 75, the writers got bored and the show just ends.

it turns out the power of love allows you to just break the fucking game and the main villain literally has a line about how ‘love allows you to remove debuffs, huh, we didn’t think to plan for that’ because again, there’s no metaphors in this show, everything is 100% literal including the fact that falling in love with another player means you’re immune to the paralysis status effect

power of love also allows you to very briefly become a poltergeist after being killed, but only for like 2 seconds. again not a joke or a metaphor, main character is killed but then gets to hang around as a ghost for a little bit to enable him to defeat the boss. he also doesn’t die in real life despite that being the entire fucking premise of the show, again because power of love.

the bad guy literally has no plan, he’s just doing shit for the sake of having something to do. His actions directly cause the deaths of more than 4,000 people, and it’s not even in aid of anything. they ask him why he trapped 10,000 people in an MMO and allowed them to slowly die, and he’s just like ‘huh, i forgot i did that, random’ and then just fucking peaces out

the fact that he committed one of the largest mass killings outside of war never really comes up again, as far as we know he doesn’t even go to jail. i think the show actually kind of thinks he’s a good guy, which is a fucking WILD moral stance to take on the deaths of 4000 completely innocent people for absolutely no reason

If this sounds hilari-bad but you don’t want to invest the time to watch a show which is objectively garbage, it has an abridged series which is famously better than the show it’s parodying (i’m dead serious, people have character arcs, the getting married after one date thing is properly addressed, the mc has to deal with PTSD because of all his friends dying in epsidode 3, they don’t immediately follow the death of a child with an extended fishing montage, the villain has an actual plan). It’s mostly actually pretty good, but this is the internet and it’s an abridged series, so while there are a lot fewer yikes moments than most it still has enough that I’m not comfortable recommending it without the caveat. that said I still enjoyed it a lot, although possibly not at much as pointing and laughing at the garbage that is the actual show.

[dexaroth]

had a dream about a portal gun that allows u to travel back (blue) or forward (orange) in time (very long desc so I'll hide it in the read more thingy)

it started in an entirely new concept of my apartment where everything was new. i had to deal with some weird neighbours that were evicted and looked off to me but this section's highlight was a parrot that i cant for the life of me remember what they did since this part formed like right after i started my deep sleep phase. brain certainly lifted this from the kakapo/green parrot post i rbed but they looked very different in my dream. they were big and had like a black coat of feathers on top and only their belly was green so points for originality i guess

not as interesting so, proceeding. the middle phase was me getting bored/angry of whatever happened there and so i picked up the portal gun (somehow from somewhere, cant tell) and went back to when i was in school (i guess u just think of where u wanna go and it goes there in the past)

in today's version of the dream it was so long after I dreamed about it that i forgot how exactly it worked so I looked at the bottom of iy and the company's name seems to have russian characters, I can't recall what it was called but it was like tyrenyykyy or something with those letters. i didnt have the manual so i went to their website and the most powerful version (which was the one i was using) just cost $250. the company also sells.. clip art for ppl that make candy?

the gun itself has a constant receipt printer that describes the time u are in (like, [cafeteria - right before jonh left]) which i discover later that controls where in the timeline u wanna be in since at that point i just hopped in the past portal once and got to meet one of those human-apes that r our ancestors and double checked the website so thats how i figured why there was a scroll wheel next to the blue and orange portal buttons

AUGH ITS FADING ALLREADY AAAA

ok so i did some shenanigans that tied in with previous dreams i had in the same places (to me thats incredible. it doesnt happen often but when it does i go ecstatic and remember it while im dreaming, its like a half-controllable dream) but the most interesting part was when.. obama was in the school (completely made up im not american, that came from me watching mr. robot and noticing he was there) and i like went to him like hey old man look what i got. and he was impressed and i was trying to say 'i can go back more than 20 years back!' but i forgot how to say it in the form of 'decades' (i still dont know lol) and he laughed in a condescending way bc how stupid i was and tried to take it away so i immediatelly used it and went in the past again and realized how i could use this to stalk an entire person's life which i promptly forgot about and went to try to climb a place where some adults didnt let me go when i was a kid

the most fun in that was feeling like u were a criminal and should be stopped so it got u adrenaline but when i got there nobody gave a shit. didnt even acknowledge me existing there (which in my mind should have been even worse bc i was all grown up and idk, invading a place. it should have been even more interesting then when i was just at recess being watched) so i just layed in there like i died and woke up disappointed lol

alright uh this does not sound even near the fun i had dreaming about it.. fuck. i legit cant remember anything else but to me it was amazing to experience. u could alter the size of the portal too and that affects how far or forward u go and u also just go through a void when ur transitioning like in a way a game would do. it also had no handles just some plastic knobs u were supposed to put ur fingers in between but i remember i had to hold it like a baby bc it was so incvenient. also looked nothing like the og besides being made of white plating and looking like a peanut shell in shape

idk how interesting dream journals are to yall but its been a long time since ive had one of these complex story dreams. ones that u can separate into chapters and you wake up with an ending. i used to see more ppl posting them a while ago but i think that was a google+ thing so eeeehhh

i must be forgetting some very important details bci woke up like 'i gotta tell tumblr about obama. i gotta tell tumblr about obama' and i had just realized some stuff happened before the portal (the appartment part) part so i was like sheesh i lost like 80% of what happened there :[

i guess to me the bulk of the fun was going past and present and seeing which kinds of ppl were there. which kind of events. if i was still recognized as a student (which now that i think of it, i was wearing my uniform the moment i portaled to there.. huh.). none of the people i saw as friends were my irl friends, none of the events that happened there happened irl. it was all a re-use of a previous, already distorted dream i had. same scenario, same actions. i mustve thought this was what made the highlight (obama being there) just that much groudnbreaking lmao. "here's an entire new reimagining of your previous awesome dreams, with a way YOU can control them in whatever way you wish.................. AND, here's obama. bc u saw him appearing in that series. ur welcome" said my brain and i just pogged so hard at that

genuinely love so much when ppl share their dreams. its such an awesome thing to read about, its like trying to figure out how a machine works and then the machine reworks you instead

uh anyways. the dream has already faded out by this point, i usually just go wow!! i dreamt that?? at most after 5 minutes of the dream and then i put it in the back of my mind inside the 'epic dreams i had' catalog. i cant recall anything else interesting so hope this was a somewhat worth read lol

[expired-blueberries]

coool coool coooooool, just realized that tumblr has a tag limit after ive already written a miniature essay in the tags of both this post and the other post and ive lost a lot of both of them. gonna try and recall everything i said now lmfao (plus the tags that DIDNT get deleted out of existence, so the part thats formatted weird is bc of that and sorry for the wall of text lmfao - the commas were tag breaks)

the way u put it abt kevin dying alone just like a rat in the gutter and ben waking up and looking for him… GOD kill me thats SOOOO good n emotional ARGH, im having so much trouble imagining how gwen would react bc like… she has NEVER gotten that close to a situation like that, like ben has gotten pretty close. hes killed ppl before (even if cannon never mentions it :/ ) and been killed, and hes left ppl for dead and been left for dead, and whether the show acknowledges it or not hes pretty well versed in this stuff, we can guess how he would act pretty easily, but gwen…. gwen to me kind of seems to live in a tower to speak, shes been around dangerous and in danger and been threatened and seen her loved ones get hurt many times , but she also seems to have lived a relatively sheltered life, whether by the way she was raised or by her own anodite heritage just. making her mind somewhat different from humans, something more free and less easy to be hurt, so then if u have her kill somebody COMPLETELY ON ACCIDENT while simultaneously being COMPLETELY AT FAULT, (and yes in canon i think shes also killed ppl but she never rly had any reaction to it), man… how would she react? to killing one of her only friends? to killing her boyfriend?, ben starts yelling at her and does she freeze or does she argue or does she break down?, i think she doesnt face any "official" consequences - like u said i think its swept under the rug, i think at BEST ben petitions to have her put on trial but its a closed trial in plumber court, no cameras and handpicked jury, rook at least seems to be friendly with kevin tho that was at the car show and friedkin, and max… well. max has signed many a death warrant, he was the one that both opened the null void portal for kevin and he barely reacted when phil was thrown into the void in os, if his granddaughter killed somebody well…, frankly even tho max acted hospitable to kevin in uaf it never seemed that he particularly cared for him to me, he acted like an adult should meaning he was hospitable and welcoming, but there wasnt any genuine attempt to reach out or anything, so i think while he might think it sad that kevin died and might think his manner of death particularly gruesome, his first and only thought is about gwen and ben (and also how to not let this get out), and then… would kevins mom (i never count harvey since it seems he and her are long divorced and i accept kevins retelling of his past as truth and not harveys), but anyway would kevins mom even BE told?, certainly not by the plumbers whom quite frankly we KNOW did nothing for her after devins death, at least not anything substantial - they dont keep tabs on her and kevin, which is why max didnt know kevin or his whereabouts, and she seemed completely forgotten about after devin died, so i think she would just be left in the dark again. it would have to be ben who tells her, and i say that bc i genuinely do not believe that gwen would have the guts to face her ,

forgot to mention but i think even if gwen were put on trial for it, and even if she completely admitted guilt, i dont think she would get in trouble for it. or, if she did, it would be like lowest possible security plumber jail lmfao. it would be declared a tragic accident that she had no way of knowing would happen and that would be it. it wouldnt even mar her record, or if it did it wouldnt affect any of her prospects in the future and would be completely hidden from all official public records. max is powerful enough for that lol

oh - my agenda was like... an anti-shipping agenda actually? lmfao. basically, i dont think gwen and kevin should be together, and gwen killing kevin would only further that lmfao, especially if it was, say, subconsciously done - she was mad at him, she shoved him out the ship "as a joke", causing his gruesome death... well, you might see how that furthers my agenda lol. but no, i think gwen and kevin were an awful ship, even in cannon - gwen often ignores and disregards his thoughts and feelings, constantly seems to not think about how his past might have affected him and the way he thinks and acts in the present, and seems to enjoy, well... hitting him. or, at least, getting physical with him. kevin, for his part, isnt as bad, but he refuses to open up and he is a very poor communicator and allows gwen to walk all over him. all of my points have cannon basis, but i, personally, am very bad at formatting my thoughts and writing them out, and that, combined with the way that fans of gwevin often come for my head when i so much as suggest they might be better with other people, has sort of dampened my desire to create a post about it lol. this opinion might come as a surprise since i do on occasion rb gwevin art, but its for the art and not the ship lol.

I don't have the emotional fortitude to write it, but the brain does sometimes mosey over to the potential aftermath of simple shit like 'the Omnitrix is programmed to prevent its wielder from dying', 'Ben is known to occasionally get the wrong alien', and 'falling from great heights is very bad for your health' coming together after Gwen shoves the boys out of the ship during Showdown to result in one dead Kevin.

Like damn but that could be one dramatic and painful storyline.

[zevzevarainai]

Hey! You ever end up doing essay on the kazumaji gifs? (I'm highly interested because it's always majima o' clock where I live)

it’s always majima o’clock here too; maybe we live in the same area... but lmao i didnt write the essay on my kazumaji gifs because i didnt think anyone would want to hear it so i meant it more as a per request kind of deal. and you’re requesting. I want you to know you did this to yourself, my friend

below the read more for everyone’s well being. welcome to my first official majima analysis essay

ok so in those tags i said something like majima is softest with kiryu because it is absolutely the truth (unless you count makoto, which i love them too, but majima has moved on or at least is making an effort to. and that was pre-tacky snake skin jacket and pre-mad dog persona.) 

the prompt for the gifset was “maybe something about majima being stupid and unhinged but like, in a sweet way” and the whole point of this rambling is that kiryu is really the only one we see who causes the mad-dog persona to slip. kiryu says he can never get a read on majima but just because he is unpredictable doesn’t mean he doesn’t understand that he isn’t just batshit crazy. he trusts majima, and finds comfort in his lack of predictability, keeping kiryu’s life exciting and providing distraction from the insane amount of tragic shit that happens to kiryu. and majima has a similar experience of idolizing the yakuza lifestyle as teens/young adults only to have the yakuza drag them through hell. But this is supposed to be about Majima.

ANYWAY what GETS ME is again that mad-dog vibe slipping around kiryu. the only time we really only see it again is with Saejima when he comes back from jail. i’m gonna talk about that later too. LET’s GET TO THE GIFS i’m going in chronological order not the order i put them in

1)

Ok so as an audience, we don’t really know what happened between Kiryu and Majima between Yakuza Zero and Yakuza/Yakuza Kiwami. Yes, we get that tiny ending scene of Majima going KIRYU-CHAN for the first time and Kiryu smiling at him. But we are given nothing as to how they met or why Majima started calling him Kiryu-chan. It is left completely to the audience’s interpretation. Because then it goes straight to the first scene with Majima in Yakuza/Yakuza Kiwami after Kiryu gets out of jail. It implies that they already knew each other, and arguably that they were somewhat close -- close enough for Majima to “miss him.” (What was majima doing for those 10 years, i don’t know, but he clearly wasn’t in a great place, missing both kiryu, makoto, and saejima, we ignore y5 lore in this household or make up shit to fill in the giant gaps) You could argue that Majima missing Kiryu is just Majima being “crazy haha woah” but his character is so much deeper than that, and it’s proven in this gif’s scene. Yes he is fighting Kiryu with all his men. But if you are reading this you understand that them fighting physically all the time is a secret love language. They never intend to severely hurt each other. Fighting is how they know that they have an equal, someone else who was modeled into a weapon because of the Tojo Clan.

And yes, “He belongs to me!” is an extremely gay thing to say. He doesn’t even need to say that, though. One of his men didn’t understand that he doesn’t actually want to hurt Kiryu. The guy picked up Majima’s knife and tried to actually hurt Kiryu. Majima willingly gets stabbed so Kiryu doesn’t get hurt. That’s a handful of gay subtext right there. Majima’s first scene in y1 is about how the world is a horrible, shitty place that will chew you up and spit you out if you care. Then he goes and gets stabbed. Self-sacrificially. He cares about Kiryu, even if it hurts. 

2)

This one isn’t as deep. It stems of the same concept of them fighting each other as equals. Majima explicitly says more than once that strength is the most admirable trait, Goromi says that it only matters that a man is strong. Kiryu is the only person who presents a challenge to him. He admires him. 

3)

(As a disclaimer, I know a lot of people are uncomfortable with Goromi. I’ve also seen a lot of non-binary, gender-fluid, etc. people project on Goromi and Majima, and I feel like that can only be a good thing. Obviously they deserve more and more quality representation. I think the people who dislike Goromi are valid as well, but for the sake of this argument we are going to see Goromi as the people who project on her do and I’m going to use she/her pronouns when talking about Goromi.)

Regardless on your stance on this whole little side quest, the player has the choice to go along with Goromi which creates actually a lot of subtle connecting between the two of them. Even in just talking to her, we see the mad-dog mask slip. She talks about how much she cared about the girls at Club Shine and wonders how they’re doing. Literally says “all part of my tragic-ass backstory.” And Kiryu sympathizes with it. Says he sees through the “i hated it” bullshit and sees Majima/Goromi’s true self, which is that the cabaret job was hard for Majima because he cared about the women and didn’t like using them as a source of income and knew it would be his fault if they got hurt. 

Also, Goromi says that "When I’m with a guy, it’s all about if I’m having enough fun. That’s why he’s gotta be strong.” Sound like someone we know? Someone who we are talking about in the last gif with i-just-got-the-shit-beat-out-of-me-and-it-was-awesome bliss on his face?

Anyway, the scene in the gif is near the end of the session. Kiryu is talking about how he’s been in prison for 10 years, and Goromi says that now that he’s out he should try to relax and and a little fun. Arguably, “since you’re so lonely right now, I’m gonna give ya a hand!” is most of Majima’s role in YK1. Kiryu gets out of prison. Majima wants to fight him all the time and says it’s because he’s gone soft and needs to train. Majima Everywhere presents excitement in his life when everything else is hard and shitty and traumatizing. Yes, Majima kidnapped Haruka. But there isn’t a lot of info on that. Majima says he did it so they could fight but it very likely could have been an order from the Tojo Clan or even Nishiki. Until he develops a bond with Haruka, Majima is, in a way, all he has. Nishiki is mean now. Yumi is ???. Kazama is i don’t even remember but he certainly isn’t any emotional support. He’s lonely. Majima is the only person he has from before prison, and quite possibly the only person who understands what he is going through. 

4)

YK2, Kiryu has yeeted out of Majima’s life as Kiryu does, but he’s trying to protect haruka so I’ll let it slide. And what does Majima do now that Kiryu’s not there? Leaves the Tojo Clan. Yes it’s because he doesn’t like the 5th chairman’s style and to make up for Kawamura, but the point is he’s bored. The use of “MY Kiryu-chan” is obviously written there because “haha majima he’s crazyyy” but come on. Majima left the Tojo Clan after Kiryu stepped down as the 4th chairman. Because he was bored. Because he couldn’t trust his own men. The only person he considered an equal just wasn’t there anymore and he found it difficult to adjust. (That’s YEARNING, fellas)

So yes, HIS Kiryu-chan came home, but what is home in this context? It clearly isn’t the tojo clan, so I guess it could be Kamurocho in general. But if the clan doesn’t make it home, what does make it home? Perhaps a certain triangle shaped man??

5)

Oh boy silly Majima wants to fight Kiryu again hahaha weeeeeeeee NO listen, LISTEN, he does want to fight kiryu again, because 1) the man has been bored for a year 2) FIGHTING IS THEIR LOVE LANGUAGE 3) Majima is once again surprising Kiryu in a world where nothing surprises him anymore, where kiryu expects people to be vile and only want him for gain. Every single goddamn game it’s “Kiryu plz save the Tojo Clan plz” and Kiryu NEVER gets anything in return unless you count, i don’t know, Daigo and Haruka’s safety? But Majima doesn’t give a shit about any of that. Majima is one of the only people who consistently does things for Kiryu (even if they’re presented in an abnormal way). Majima is really the only one who makes sacrifices for Kiryu. But this fight, it kicks off YK2 of “hey, i missed you but i won’t admit it because we’re manly yakuza, please let me try to make you smile.”

6)

THE kazumaji scene. Going off of Majima being the only one to make sacrifices for Kiryu, here’s a perfect example. Majima first aids the Tojo Clan which he swore to leave literally only because Kiryu asked him to. Then, here, he get beaten within an inch of his life because he promised Kiryu he would protect Kamurocho from Ryuji. Majima does not give a shit about the Tojo Clan at this point. Yes, Majima LOVEEESSSS beating people up, but he’s fatally wounded. This is not a Majima who would die for the Tojo Clan. This is a Majima willing to die for Kiryu. After warning Kiryu about being to trusting, too.

And of course, we get the Majima collapsing on the pavement and Kiryu rushing in to CRADLE him in his arms like a damn fanfic. You’ve even got the “I did it for you” which everyone knows is basically an “I love you.” Look at Majima’s face in the gif. Bless the Kiwami 2 graphics, first of all. He’s looking at Kiryu like he wants him to be the last thing he sees, like he wants him to know that he’s going out for Kiryu, that despite the fact that he’s about to cough up blood he needs Kiryu to have the information he needs to save the clan and Kamurocho. He’s telling Kiryu all this with labored breath because he promised. Kiryu “One-Expression” Kazuma is viably worried as hell, the little nod in the gif kills me because Kiryu needs him to know he’s touched and he’s so grateful. The only reason Kiryu left him was because there was danger elsewhere and he trusts Kaoru enough to take care of him. (Side note: I love Kaoru Sayama, but I still feel like she’s good enough a character on her own and doesn’t need to be a romantic interest for Kiryu. Like it was like oh... she’s Girl so she needs to fall for the Big Strong Male Protag.... If Majima was a cis girl they would have made out in this game, maybe even y1.) 

7) Speaking of sacrifices, Yakuza 3, the game where Majima literally joined the Tojo Clan again because Kiryu wanted him to protect Daigo. That’s a huge lifestyle change, Majima.

Yes, this scene is funny because Majima is riding in a Barbie-ass truck like a 15 year old driving on a learner’s permit in a downpour (yet proves he can drive stick seconds later) and thinks he hit Kiryu while he purposely hit everyone else. Look, Majima needs this ok y3 he looks like he’s been crying since kiryu left no one No One is going to hurt Kiryu now

That truck is likely stolen, he’s driving erratically as fast as he can because Kiryu is in danger, how did he even know that Kiryu was in danger is it like some kind of 6th sense... If you didn’t already know, I would take a bullet for Majima’s voice actor; his delivery of “Kiryu-chan! Where are you?!” could have just been like haha oops kiryu did i hit you ;3 but instead it’s this raw cry of genuine panic, like did his actions get kiryu hurt, Majima could not live with himself if he was the reason Kiryu got fatally hurt

8) Ok I’ve hinted at the fact that I have beef with the Hot Mess that is yakuza 5, wasn’t huge on Y4 and Y6 was fine but it was heavily based on the events of Y5. In my head I’ve got an entire fix-it fanfic in which Majima yeets out to Okinawa with Kiryu after Y3 I could write that upon request too ANYWAY here’s another sacrificial majima...

Despite not caring for Y5, THIS SCENE is RAW. Maybe he’s not super “unhinged” in this scene but it’s just so much. Majima, who Kiryu brokedown in his taxi bc he thought he got killed (because Kiryu made him stay in the tojo clan haha we’re out here crying), chooses Kiryu over Saejima. Saejima, Majima’s oath brother, Saejima. We love Saejima, Majima loves Saejima, but 25 years is a long ass time. Majima changed. Saejima changed. For awhile he had Makoto, but then Kiryu was all Majima had for a good chunk of Saejima’s time in prison. This is the man Majima got his eye stabbed out for defending. But the BaD GuYs that arent memorable enough for me to even look up the names of are like look, we want to watch the world burn because we are Bad Guys, so either you are going to fight your brother to the death or we are going to snipe Kiryu’s daughter in the fucking head. Obviously he doesn’t know that Baba is going to betray them, so he has to pick between Saejima and Haruka. He chooses to potentially kill Saejima for Kiryu’s happiness. I’m sure if things didn’t change, Majima would have held back and let Saejima kill him. Majima would rather die than see Kiryu in pain. Majima would rather kill Saejima/let Saejima kill him than let Haruka die. If that’s not a giant declaration of unconditional love and devotion, I don’t know what else to tell you.

Anyway, thanks so much for indulging me and listening to my yakuza opinions if you made it this far you the mvp :’’’’)

[galactic-magick]

Distance: Patton x Reader

Request: Hii! Could i get a Patton x Reader with the prompts 14 and 35 in the beginning, then 8 towards the end please? I had this idea where its a human au and Patton and Reader met when they were young at summer camp. Patton feels homesick and Reader sees them and decided to comfort them. Years pass and they get jobs and stuff and because they didnt live near eachother they'd usually talk on the phone, but stopped. One day reader calls and says prompt 8 and Patton confesses his love on the phone. - @autumnfalls26​

Summary: Your childhood best friend you met at a summer camp crosses your mind again.

Words: 1400+                                        

Warnings: none I think? Touch of angst ig

Author’s Notes: Present day is in normal text and flashback to when you were kids is in italics. Idk why I got emotional writing this lol. Maybe cuz I’m a Patton kinnie.

Taglist: @luluwinchester​ @nerve-ous-love​ @zarieslayer​ @amayaisokay​

-                                

-

-

The door shuts, and you let out a long awaited breath.

It wasn’t any different than a normal day. You got up. You went to work. And now you’re home.

But every day it hurts more and more, the constant strain of being an adult and having to abandon your dreams for more “productive” activities. Your life feels empty, like something is missing.

You slump on the couch and glance at the shelf, pictures lined up in no particular order. Family and friends occupy the frames, and one of them has a group picture of the summer camp you went to when you were younger.

You hoist yourself up, walking over and grabbing the latter. Everyone’s smiling, sweaty and dirty, and you get a laugh out of your younger self’s chubby cheeks and toothy grin.

You look at the little boy next to you. Patton Sanders was his name.

Is, you correct yourself. He’s still around, even though you don’t talk anymore.

It’s not that anything happened. You just, grew apart. You connected so well as kids at that camp, becoming best friends basically on the first day. After it was over you talked on the phone almost every day throughout middle school, high school around once a week, but after that, the contact lessened. With college and jobs and whatnot, you simply stopped talking as much.

And now you can’t remember the last time you called him.

 “Are you okay?” you plopped down on the bench next to the boy you saw crying.

He sniffled, looking at you, “Yeah, I’m fine,”

“Hi fine, I’m Y/N!”

His tears stopped almost as if by command, and he stared at you.

Then he burst out laughing, “You like dad jokes too?”

“What do you mean? I’m not a dad,” you shook your head.

“Oh. Sorry. One of the big kids told me that’s what my jokes are called,”

“Did the big kids make you cry?” you cocked your head.

“No, I was just feeling sad,” another tear started to fall despite you lightening his mood.

“Why?”

“I miss home. I’ve never been away from home this long without my parents,”

You stood up firmly, your hands on your hips and staring right at him, “Will you quit raining on your own parade? We can do whatever we want here! No parents means no rules!”

“I guess so…”

“We can play on the playground as long as we want! We don’t have to eat vegetables! We can stay up late!” you didn’t mean to yell at him, you were just excited. “What’s your name anyway?”

“Patton,”

“Hi Patton,” you grabbed his arm and pulled him up. “C’mon, let’s go explore,”

“B-But what if we get lost? What if we get in trouble?”

“It’s okay, I’ll be holding your hand the entire time,”

And just like that, your hand slid into his, and he didn’t let go for dear life.

 The camp was only for a week, but you spent nearly every minute together. Patton felt safe with you, and you loved hanging out with him. You stuck by him during all the meals and group activities, and your free time too. Fortunately your cabins happened to be next to each other as well, and a couple of the nights you snuck out and just talked for hours on the swing set.

You’d never had a real best friend before, and neither had he. When your parents came to pick you up you immediately begged them to exchange numbers and emails so you could keep in touch. You houses weren’t extremely far apart, but still a couple cities away, a little over an hour’s drive. You thought you might be able to meet up once in a while, but not often.

 You set the picture back down, sighing. Childish memories usually make people happy, so why does this sting so much?

Is this what missing someone feels like? Really missing someone?

You pull out your phone from your pocket and bring up his contact.

You can’t imagine he’d want to hear from you. Why would he? What are you even supposed to say? “Hey man, long time no see”?

Incredibly underwhelming compared to what you want to say.

You want to tell him how much he meant to you all those years. How much it meant for him to talk to you every time you needed it. You told him everything, literally every single detail about your day. You laughed at each other’s dumb jokes. You cried over the phone multiple times, and so did he.

You helped each other with homework that neither of you could understand.

You tried to see each other in person at least once a year.

When you asked him to your school dance and he wasn’t able to make it, he made it up to you by sending you a package full of your favorite things and video calling you for hours.

When his pet dog died, you drove all the way to his house just to give him a hug, even though your parents didn’t like you taking the car without permission.

All you want is to know how he is. You want to know if he’s doing well, if life is treating him alright. Does he have a partner? He must, right? Is he still at the same job? Did he finish his degree?

You press the call button before you can convince yourself out of it.

He picks up surprisingly fast.

“Y/N?”

“Hey, Pat,” you smile at the sound of his voice. “Sorry about this, I’m sure you’re busy,”

“No! Not busy at all,”

“Oh,” you sit back down on the couch. “I know this might sound kind of stupid, but I was just thinking about you today, ya know, wishing we were kids again,”

There’s a silence.

“Pat? You there?”

“Y-yeah, sorry,” nervous laughter muffles his words. “I’ve just been thinking about you too. Coincidence, huh?”

“I just…I feel so bad that we barely talk anymore, ya know? Like you were my best friend for my entire life, how could I lose you like that?” you can’t believe you’re saying all this so freely, but it’s always been like that with him. It’s like you physically can’t hold anything back, even when he’s on the phone miles away.

“You never lost me,”

“What?”

“You never lost me, Y/N. I’ve always thought of you as my best friend no matter how much or little we’re talking. I’ll always wait for you,”

Your eyes water at that last comment. Although it sounded more like a promise.

“You know,” he continues. “While we’re on the subject, I should probably tell you something I should’ve told you a long time ago,”

“Mmhm?”

“Well, I kind of was in love with you, during all that time,”

“Really?”

“Yeah…And if I’m being honest, I think I still am,”

You clap your hand over your mouth and almost drop your phone.

I mean, it’s not like you’re dumb. You knew there was always something there between you, and it certainly wasn’t one sided. But it was something unspoken, something neither of you ever put words to.

And you assumed it faded away along with your friendship.

But after hearing him say that, everything comes flooding back. All the other memories, all the feelings.

At this point you’d just marry him on the spot.

“Y/N? Are you okay?”

You clear your throat, “Yeah, I’m fine,”

“Hi fine, I’m Patton,”

You chuckle, and he laughs right along with you.

“Gosh I wish I could see you right now so I can say that back,” you sigh.

“Just a minute,” he says, abruptly ending the call.

You sit there staring at your empty screen, wondering what happened.

He doesn’t think he can literally get here in a minute, does he?

Knock. Knock.

You run to the door and open it, shocked to see Patton standing right there in front of you.

Before you can say anything, he pulls you into a tight hug.

“How did you get here so fast?” you mumble into his shoulder.

“I was thinking about you, so I wanted to see you and surprise you. I was already almost here when you called me,”

“Wow,” is all you can muster.

He lets you go, but only so he can bring his hands to the sides of your face. You look into his eyes, and there’s nothing but joy in them. No bitterness, no anger, just love.

“I love you too, by the way,” you smile, your cheeks squishing a bit against his palms.

He looks like he’s about to cry, but you’ll never know for sure.

Because his lips are on yours faster than you can ask if he’s okay again.

[x0401x]

hiii so i was going through the VE tag and saw your posts about how much you dislike anime gilbert compared to novel gilbert; im so confused though about how you said he was shallow and a dick because i didn't get that vibe when i was watching? i liked the anime gilbert, and then when i read the novel, i just liked him even more. but it didnt make me hate the anime version. so i just wanted a breakdown of what anime gilbert did so wrong, thank you!

Okay, this sure took up a lot of time to reply to, so I’m sorry for answering so late! I tried to keep it simple, so keep in mind that there’s a lot more to unpack from anime-novel comparissons when it comes to VE. I just didn’t want to turn this into an essay, because that’s what it would’ve become otherwise.

I’ve broken down five main reasons why anime!Gilbert is an asshole if you put him side-by-side with novel!Gilbert. And I want first to stress out that I know the intention of the adaptation wasn’t to make him an asshole at all. The studio really seemed to believe they were doing it right, but it turned out as the same old “so close yet so far” thing. The director did say before that he had made changes to the original because the source material was “too righteous and orthodox”, so I guess novel!Gilbert was one of the “too righteous and orthodox” things that he deemed in need of alterations. Apparently, loving someone way above yourself is just not realistic if you’re a man and the other person is a woman (totally okay if it’s the other way around, though).

Anyway, here are the main negative points about anime!Gilbert (long post in-coming):

He only ever did the bare minimum for Violet.

KyoAni is hellbent on insisting, not just in the anime but also in episode summaries, the starter book and the official fanbook, as well as other medias, that Violet loved Gilbert because he was the “first person to be nice to her”. It makes me want to rip my hair off, because this means it could’ve been anyone. The novel states time and time again that it was fate, because Gilbert was the only character in the VE universe who would watch this monster-child brutally murder five men and still take her blood-covered hand and try to protect her. She was a kid being led to commit crimes by fucked-up adults, and even though there was a chance she might kill him too, he still wanted her to live, because she was ultimately innocent. He also wasn’t just “nice” to her. He tried to defend her from his brother for real. The hotel scene is actually very important and not having it takes away a lot of Gilbert’s weight in Violet’s life.

Other than that, he wasn’t shown doing even half the stuff he did for her in the novels. He constantly protected her from harassment, threw shade at any lesser officer who badmouthed her, tried to make it so that she wouldn’t have to risk herself too much during battle, often attempted to convince her into less reckless stunts, and was always the first and only one to rush to her aid. He personally took her meals to her bedroom and ate with her, arranged for her to have a room for herself, took her shopping for civilian clothes so that she could wear them after the war, and requested that her personal needs were seen by officers from the female division. He quit smoking because it made her cough, gave her his old clothes to wear when she grew out of her pajamas, took care of her whenever she fell ill from overworking, and the list goes on.

All of this aside, I think the most important was that he was always trying to bring out the human side of her. He was always testing out her interests in mundane things, and always wishing that she would show signs of having a personality. It didn’t have to be girly stuff; anything that didn’t have to do with him was fine. He often tried to instigate the humanity in her, because she was unquestionably human to him despite not knowing what being human even meant, and this is the most essential part of Gilbert in the Great War arc.

He didn’t care about her that much.

I know this might seem like a drastic claim. I mean, he did show that he cared for her, just not nearly enough, and quite certainly not as much as he cared about himself.

It starts with the fact that he let her into the military simply because his brother had already told everyone about her. Anime!Gil didn’t see her kill five people in that hotel. All that happened was Dietfried throwing at him the vaguest-ever argument that “this isn’t a child; it’s a weapon”. Like... that was literally all it took for him to send a ten-year-old amnesic, orphan girl who couldn’t understand the local language to a war that had been dragging itself on for several decades. In the men’s troops, no freaking less.

The eptome of anime!Gil’s fake selflessness is when he gets shot at the end of the war. When Violet takes him by the arm, he just... lets her carry him. She gets shot and shit, and she could very well have died (anyone explain to me how they managed to hit him in the head but not her even though they were walking so slowly), but he still clung onto her. He literally put his own life above hers.

A++++ parenting.

He was dry with her most of the time.

In the novel, Violet and Gilbert have a bond of respect and trust. In the anime, this bond is wholly one-sided. We don’t see this respect or trust from Gil’s perspective, and neither do we see any bigger signs of affection other than occasional guilty faces that show him regretting something, but don’t exactly make clear what it is. Does he feel guilty that he took her to war? If so, then he contradicts himself during certain moments. He literally thanks her for “always fighting so well” at one point and only refrains from finishing the sentence because he sees the bruises on her neck. Meanwhile, while novel!Gil asserts that she should have former recognition for her deeds (like ranks, medals and people’s well-earned respect), she should also not be in the battlefield at all because she’s just a child and constantly berates himself for keeping her there.

The dedication and devotion to her is also basically all gone. We don’t see him vowing to raise her as someone worthy of a flower goddess’s name, we don’t see him doing his best to make this happen, and we don’t see it happening until Violet is out of the hospital. Novel!Violet had a fame of grim reaper, witch and god of war because she was an extremely fierce and skilled killer. Anime!Violet is all over the place when she fights, slamming rifles into people’s faces and choosing hand-to-hand combat instead of having the common sense to fire the weapon she’s holding. There’s no such rumors about her other than that she’s “dangerous”, and she’s always injured, with her hair perpetually disheveled. She’s an absolute mess, making it impossible to forget for a single minute that she’s just a little girl being made to serve in the frontlines, and yet anime!Gil still pulls bullshit like “you fought good”.

He abandoned her to sheer luck.

As if the fake grave weren’t bad enough, he apparently offed to the woods without giving much of a fuck about her. In the novel, we see that Gil keeps aiming for higher positions in the military and to have as much power as he can so that he’ll have all the means possible to protect her. He might have been contacting Hodgins in the meantime, but this isn’t nearly enough to ensure her safety.

There’s a lot he had to do when it comes to Violet. Covering up her identity and making sure nobody tried to use her for killing ever again are examples. He also needed to be ready for whenever he had to go for her rescue, like in the case of the hijackin, so staying in the army was of utter importance. It was also important to show that this was a sacrifice he did for her, because all his responsibilities were pushed onto him due to Dietfried running away from them.

He is portrayed as being the complete opposite of her.

You might be wondering what this has to do with anything. It’s very obvious in the novel that Violet and Gilbert are mirrors in the novel. This also has to do with the fate thing: they’re basically one soul dwelling in two bodies. The two had keenly similar life stories where they went through different situations that were actually alike in essence and brought out the same results. This is basically the reason why Gil empathizes so hard with Violet and why he’s so insistent in allowing her to experience what he didn’t get to have. It’s not because he’s “righteous and orthodox”. It’s because he sees himself in her. She’s him, and he’s her. They’re one and the same at the core. But apparently a guy relating so much with a girl isn’t realistic either.

This is it (or more like a condensed version of it)! I hope it cleared things up.

[ais-n]

2| and where is the trauma? both hsin and boyd were severely sexually abused. and emilio's illness is always treated as a joke. look Ais, your series has done me so much good between the bad it did. i found i'm gay lmao and i'm grateful for that. i'm grateful that you wrote this ok. but there are things that were offensive, and maybe it was unconscious, since i doubt you wanted to be racist or write a mlm relationship but more like hetero. i wish i could just enjoy the books but my heart breaks

3| idk what the one who questioned that could possibly mean between all the things but thats what i mean. i appreciate you a lot. i hope this didn’t make you feel worse or whatever. but some people really did end up hurt badly after reading icos and im one of them. with all respect, and hope that i didnt disturb you much, farewell.

++++++++++++

Aha I just realized I can put both 2nd and 3rd asks in one! Which is good because, again, the gay comment makes me laugh out loud XD As I said in the other post, thank you again for reaching out, for explaining your concerns, and for the courage you no doubt had to bring forth in order to do so.

I’m getting right into the answers in this one although I will probably ask more questions for clarification on some of the points, as I did on the first one, to make sure I’m not misunderstanding or misinterpreting anything.

More below the cut! :)

EMILIO’S ILLNESS

I’m really sorry but I wasn’t sure what you meant by that. Which illness? How is it treated as a joke? Could you clarify? 

TRAUMA

So this I thought was super interesting that you felt there was no representation of trauma in ICoS, or I assume you also mean its aftereffects. That’s actually one of the few points I feel pretty confident saying the series does portray a lot of, both in some cases the experience of it and in other cases the repercussions. 

One of the reasons both of them are so severely dysfunctional individually and together is because of trauma.

I don’t want to muddy up this post with a huge tangent but someone had asked a few years ago about the result of the Aleixo mission on Boyd, if he was diagnosed with anything, and so on. If you’re interested, I wrote a long ass reply about the psychological effect of sex trafficking on survivors/victims and talked about some of the things you see Boyd do that are a bit reflective of that. More info at https://aisness.wordpress.com/2015/01/28/boyd-aleixo-psychology/

I think there probably would be more information on all this by now, or at least I certainly hope there would be, but at the time of writing Fade that was the sort of research that was available. 

Although, full disclosure, I don’t tend to write characters looking up the DSM symptoms for this or that; I write what feels right for them psychologically, mentally, emotionally, and oftentimes later look it up and realize they would have likely been diagnosed with this or that thing or they could be displaying traits of this or that.

At any rate, with Boyd, his trauma started early on, and pretty much everything about him is a reflection of that in some form. I don’t see trauma as specific to sexual assault; it’s most certainly a result of that but also of many other things. Boyd dealt with a lot of neglect and/or emotional abuse as a child, he was bullied by his peers, and generally speaking it was difficult for him to feel like he belonged anywhere. He was very often judged by others, often negatively, for things completely outside of his control, like his parents, their jobs, his home, the amount of money his family had, his looks, etc. 

If you look at the Mayo Clinic’s list of child abuse, Boyd falls pretty well under emotional abuse and a bit under neglect, and you can especially see the toll that had on his personality by reading the signs and symptoms of emotional abuse in particular:

Loss of self-confidence or self-esteem

Social withdrawal or a loss of interest or enthusiasm

Depression

Avoidance of certain situations, such as refusing to go to school or ride the bus

Desperately seeks affection

And general symptoms:

Withdrawal from friends or usual activities

Depression, anxiety or unusual fears, or a sudden loss of self-confidence

An apparent lack of supervision

Self-harm or attempts at suicide 

If you look at Complex PTSD, and in particular Developmental Trauma Disorder (DTD) you can see a lot of Hsin:

Attachment – “problems with relationship boundaries, lack of trust, social isolation, difficulty perceiving and responding to others’ emotional states”

Behavioural control – “problems with impulse control, aggression, pathological self-soothing, and sleep problems”

Dissociation – “amnesia, depersonalization, discrete states of consciousness with discrete memories, affect, and functioning, and impaired memory for state-based events”

I wouldn’t say Hsin dissociates quite that extensively but I feel like he does display some dissociative tendencies at times.

Boyd has some too, like

Self-concept – “fragmented and disconnected autobiographical narrative, disturbed body image, low self-esteem, excessive shame, and negative internal working models of self”.

I think in some ways you could argue they both display aspects of:

Affect or emotional regulation – “poor affect regulation, difficulty identifying and expressing emotions and internal states, and difficulties communicating needs, wants, and wishes”

When Boyd was little, he often wondered why other people were treated better than him - why, when he was getting perfect grades, he was going above and beyond whenever possible, when he was trying to be “a good boy” all the time, when he went out of his way to stay quiet and not bother anyone – why, despite all his attempts, other people were celebrate yet he was reviled, even if the people being celebrated were awful people doing awful things. He used to study other people relentlessly, trying to understand what it was about them that made them acceptable and what it was about him that made him not.

That’s why, despite being such an introvert, he’s good at blending in and going undercover; it’s why he can adjust to new situations and, in a way, act - because he always had to monitor and adjust himself his whole life just to feel seen and loved. His dad loved him on his own so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but with the trauma that came from the loss of his dad, and what happened with Lou, plus everything afterward, it really messed everything up.

Boyd was not a victim of childhood sexual abuse, but more of emotional abuse. Well, I guess, I should say for the most part he wasn’t.

Hsin was definitely a victim of childhood sexual abuse and probably physical abuse (that bit I can’t recall for sure). He was raped even as a small child, and that led into different aspects of his life. One reason, for example, he would go berserk and was seen by the Agency as unreliable in cases of him seeing sexual assault was because he saw, in some way, himself in those victims. It was probably his way of protecting people when he hadn’t been protected, himself. 

I can’t speak too much on Hsin’s specific mental health status or repercussions because I didn’t write him so I’m not fully in his mind, but I do know that sort of berserker aspect is part of what came from his sexual abuse and physical abuse and just generally how he grew up. If I recall correctly, a lot of that led into why he was so unstable and dangerous when Emilio first found him; why it took so long to get Hsin to find a way to deal with the violence and aggression and anger in him, in addition to everything else that would have happened regardless of that childhood trauma. Why, too, it was such a huge deal when Boyd was able to earn Hsin’s trust, because he had learned in his life to trust almost no one.

You can see some of the way they both display aspects of C-PTSD as adults as well in the list at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_post-traumatic_stress_disorder#Adults

I should be clear: I am NOT a psychiatrist or psychologist so I’m not suggesting that they would be specifically diagnosed with any of these disorders were they to get official diagnoses. However, the reason I bring it up is to show that a lot of the series reflects the way their coping mechanisms lead them to interact within themselves and with the outside world, all of which is often directly or indirectly tied to trauma.

Why is Boyd so terrified of anyone seeing him without his shirt in the beginning? Trauma. Why is he depressed? Trauma. Why is he suicidal? Trauma. Why does he go out of his way to avoid a certain block? Trauma. I would have to look at specific symptoms of different things but I would guess that you could also tie back some of his instability and his sometimes inconsistent reactions to trauma as well. Sometimes he does things or says things that may seem a bit reckless, or cold, or some other unexpected thing at that time - and a lot of times it’s probably in part related to how he learned to cope with things and what his levels of defensiveness are or his fears are at that moment. But he also has a complete inability to see the good in himself for a long time which also ties back, I would think, to some of the things he experienced growing up/previously.

Boyd is an incredibly unreliable narrator. He spends most of his narration thinking about how awful he is, how he should just die, how he isn’t doing a good enough job, and so forth. Yet, that fails to show the impact of some of his choices and decisions. Boyd was pretty much the first person to treat Hsin like a normal human being, to not see him as a surrogate of anything or anyone, to not have any ulterior motives or expectations of him (no matter how well-intentioned), and to truly gain his trust as a result. Yet, Boyd didn’t really see it that way. He didn’t see how important it was for Hsin that he ended up in his life; he didn’t get why Hsin was exasperated the times Boyd said he (Boyd) should just die, that there was no value to his life. He didn’t believe he could be loved so he couldn’t see it was even a possibility at first. Therefore, he spends a lot of his narration over the series belittling himself and downplaying any of his own achievements while simultaneously rewarding or acknowledging what others around him are doing. Not every moment of his narration, of course, but his default state of self is to think he sucks and others are probably better.

Conversely, Hsin is a confident narrator. He often doesn’t doubt himself, doesn’t care what other people think, and is very sure of himself in a lot of aspects like his physical prowess which, itself, is already above and beyond nearly everyone else. Yet he also learned not to trust or rely on anyone else in his life, so he’s incredibly suspicious of others because that’s how he had to learn to be. So, especially in the beginning of the series, in his narration he tends to be very factual about his own achievements and not shy away from acknowledging the things that are powerful about him (even if he doesn’t always see it as anything that special), while simultaneously seeking out anything untrustworthy, unreliable, incompetent, or unworthy about those around him. His narration tends to point out the flaws of those around him because he learned that if he doesn’t protect himself, he’s vulnerable, and when he’s vulnerable he gets hurt.

The result of that is, if you read their narrations straight as if it’s all perfectly reliable, Boyd seems even more unreliable and Hsin seems even more perfect than they actually are, because their default states of being overlap in a manner which magnifies the flaws in Boyd and the merits in Hsin. 

Both of them learned to be how they were because of how they were raised, what they went through, and more. Same as how they react to various things throughout the series.

I can’t more specifically comment on anything without knowing what in particular you were thinking of when commenting in the ask about trauma and sexual abuse. But I think generally speaking, they already start the series having learned coping mechanisms that work for them based on trauma they already individually experienced. Those coping mechanisms end up oftentimes being challenged and at times destroyed or reworked throughout the course of the series. That is what leads to a lot of their ups and downs as individuals and as a couple; why their story isn’t a straight arc going up but instead derails a lot. And why they both spend the entirety of the series coming to terms with who they are both internally and externally, and what that means for their relationship, and how they can find a way to grow as a person and a significant other. They both ultimately have to work on trust; Boyd has to learn to trust himself, Hsin has to learn to trust others, and they have to learn to trust each other.

The way people deal with trauma is not the same for everyone. Sexual abuse doesn’t result in the same reaction for all people. I’m not sure if maybe one of the things you were thinking is maybe about sexual abuse during the series itself? I already linked something that goes more in depth on Fade so I won’t touch on that book, and I really can’t speak for Hsin because he isn’t my character so I don’t want to misrepresent his thought process as hidden behind narration or actions at different points.

The only other thing I can think of that maybe you’re thinking about is Boyd’s valentine status, and how he doesn’t seem to have overtly strong reactions to anything until Fade. If that’s one aspect of what you were thinking about, part of that is just how Boyd deals with things. He tends to avoid things that are difficult for him or he has difficulty focusing on, and oftentimes shuts down emotionally. 

I think honestly he probably dissociated to some extent during a lot of things; kind of separated his body from his mind and felt like whatever happened, happened. For a lot of the time that he was a valentine early on, he had such little love for himself that regardless of how upsetting anything was, how little he wanted to do certain things, he felt on some level like he deserved it. Some things were probably a subconscious form of self-punishment for being born, for being who he is, for surviving when Lou didn’t, for surviving when his dad didn’t, for never being enough for his mother, for just plain existing. Then as time went on he grew to rely on Hsin and find strength in him. It’s also not like every mission he had was a valentine one, or even that every valentine has to end in anything physical. 

That’s why he was able to find ways of dealing with things in some form, even if he didn’t like it or was uncomfortable at times, until the Aleixo mission. He thought he knew how to handle things; he thought he had found apt coping mechanisms. But that mission tore that all apart and nearly destroyed him. His coping mechanisms didn’t work the way they had and now he had to find a new way to survive, and from there came a lot of his instability and more that you see in Fade and as I mention in that blog post.

But in short, I feel like the majority of the series ends up touching, indirectly or directly, on some form of trauma as experienced currently or in the past by one or more of the main characters, and their resulting actions then drive the plot. That is one thing we were very specific about doing: having the plot adjust to the characters rather than force the characters to adjust to the plot. That’s why Afterimage exists, actually; the original plan was sort of like 3/4 of Evenfall and then kind of jumping into aspects of Fade. But we realized at the end of Evenfall that certain things would occur which would then lead to Afterimage and Afterimage then led into aspects of Interludes, which then led into aspects of right before Fade, which then affected a huge part of Fade itself, which then informed 1/27. We didn’t set out to write a series specifically about trauma, it’s just sort of one of those things that happens if you take two characters who have been treated so cruelly or poorly for so much of their lives, and put them together as any sort of team - but especially a team that becomes a couple, and a couple that becomes all but married.

+ +

Regarding the other stuff, I haven’t had a chance yet to check if you answered my question about the hetero relationship comment, so I can’t comment on that until I know more of what you mean. But I would say that generally speaking, I don’t know that I believe it’s necessarily fair to label anything as strictly “hetero” vs “m/m” vs anything else for a relationship. That brings with it a lot of assumptions of what it means to be not only gay or LGBTQIA+, but also straight. It seems to suggest there is only a single way or a very strict set of ways for a cis male and a cis female to be together both in a relationship and to have sex, and I guess I don’t feel like that’s necessarily reflective of reality. People are very complex and so are their relationships, as well as their sex lives.

I’m not sure how specifically the series ended up hurting you but I’m very sorry you felt hurt by anything. That’s a terrible feeling to have to experience. I hope that in whatever way, however it may work best for you, you have the time and space to reflect and recover and rejuvenate. You, like everyone, deserve it.

And honestly, if that means you have to leave the series completely in your past, never to think about it again, if that’s what’s healthiest for you, I truly wish you are able to do so. Stories are there to connect with other people, to share our thoughts and sometimes help us work our way through our own while reading. No story is worth your mental health being put in question. If it is truly upsetting to you to think about the series, it is absolutely not worth your energy. You are more important than a story will ever be. Everyone is. And I say that despite how much I love and rely on stories to get me through life.

If part of your duress is you like aspects of the writing style but the series itself and its contents upset you, you could try reading some other stuff. I have some things I wrote solo that you can find on my AO3 if you want. But also you can find other writers entirely. Depending on what you’re looking for in a story, and the sort of topics you’ve learned work well for you or don’t work well for you, you should be able to find a ton of great series out there and great authors out there who will leave you with the happier aspects of your reaction to ICoS without anything more detrimental like it sounds happened for you with ICoS.

Regardless, I truly wish you the very best. As I said in the other one, please stay healthy and safe! And, if you’re in a place to manage it, stay happy as well :)

Brightest of blessings to you and yours, my friend!

[keenge]

I was holding her in my arms when the phone rang ... "It's 3:30 in the fucking morning this had better be important !!!" I said losing the dream. " Mat, it's T and I really do hate to bother you, but I think he is back," said my partner and best friend Theresa McCawley , " Beat patrol found her body about 30 minutes ago, down by the docks." " I'll be there in 15 minutes Teri. " and I hung up, got dressed and locked my door and left the house. My name is Mathias MacGregor and I have been a cop in Riverside, La. most of my adult life, was born and raised there, and the man my partner was referring to is known as the Dock Master ... this is our story.

It all started when a young girl, 16, was found beaten raped, brutally tortured and murdered on the East dock 8 years ago. Since then he has left 12 more bodies and so many unanswered questions it makes me sick. He had a calling card, my initials carved into the victims foreheads, a detail the press miraculously has never found out about.

It's been a year since he struck the last time, a year since he put a bullet into my chest and I put one into his leg and back, a year filled with pain rehab and booze and me tracking the few clues he has left behind.

The second victim was found less than a week after the first and it was the pathologist that mentioned the letters ... my name isn't well known outside the department and certainly not my middle initial, so it was obvious that a message was being sent since a letter arrived for me at the lab while we were waiting for the autopsy report.

She had been beaten and raped like the first girl but the torture was different, not by much, but enough to see the bastard knew what he was doing and was good at it, a beat cop brought me the letter having signed for it from a courier. Inside was my full name a description of both victims including marks left by the torture and one sentence, "These are only the beginning."

That was 8 years and 10 victims ago, but god it feels like a lifetime. I got close a year ago because he made one mistake, just one but it was enough to trap him. We just weren't prepared for the fight he put up, 2 officers dead, 3 more including myself wounded and a shit ton of publicity asking why we havent caught him. " Mat, the call went out on a cell and came straight to me, they know the rules." This is why I adore my partner and best friend, Teri can read me like a book.

There had been calls made over the radios for the first 4 victims but, after the 3rd and 4th had my initials on their foreheads as well as the first 2, we decided anymore would go out over special phones we had made for our department.

Don't get me wrong I don't hate the press, I just don't have much use for them to be honest. They twist words and actions and typically report only what they want.

After the first 4 victims they were already calling him the Dock Master, even though we had begged them not to, we had learned from other cities giving a serial killer a name tends to make them bolder and more ... violent.

"Do we have an I.D. on her yet?" I asked of nobody in particular, "No lieutenant, but she doesn't look like a typical street kid." I walked over knelt down and pulled the sheet back from her face, OH MOTHERFUCKER" I yelled, making everyone jump and turn towards me, " This is Mayor Thompson's daughter!!!" Teri looked at me with wide eyes and for the first time since the shooting last year I saw fear in her face.

Every single cop in Riverside knew Jesse Thompson, she was the city's darling because she was pretty and had a voice like an angel.

"Are you sure Mat" Teri asked in a hoarse whisper, "She is supposed to be in Chicago for the Cheerleading competition." "Yeah, I'm sure T, he didnt damage her face, except to leave his mark" I said, "I'll make the notification myself and meet you at the lab."

When I got to the lab I had a grim sense of satisfaction tempered with a pity I never thought I'd ever feel for the man i was sure was the biggest crook in our small part of the world. After the shooting, our esteemed Mayor, in his infinite wisdom, took to the press (see above opinions) and made us seem like the Keystone Kops.

I was personally accused of mishandling the evidence and the investigation and causing the deaths and injuries of my friends and comrades.

"Doc says it will be tomorrow before her report is ready Mat, go home and get some sleep for what it's worth, I'll go to the office then head home myself" said Teri when I walked through the doors. "Come by the house when your done at the office if you want T, we could both use some stress relief about now" I said with a sad smile. " You still have your key, I'll be in the shower and you can join of you want." She smirked hugged me and whispered " Only if you promise to be a little rough" and walked away towards the exit.

Teri and I have known each other for 25 yrs and it wasn't until 3 yrs ago that either of us ever really thought about being anything but friends, as strange as that sounds, we were both either with someone or only one of us was single or whatever the case may be but it took that long, but damn it was worth the wait.

When she got to my house I was in the shower as promised, as she came into the bathroom I could tell she had been crying, so I stood under the water waiting for her to decide what she was going to do, as she stepped in I grabbed her, pushed her against the wall, and fell to my knees in front of her, grabbed her thighs and pushed them apart.

I slid my tongue into her wet slit, flicking her clit, as I grabbed her breasts with my hands and played with her nipples. "OH MY GOD YES" she yelled, as I gently sucked her clit into my mouth, and rubbed it between my upper and lower teeth, as she came she grabbed my hair pulling me up and said "FUCK ME NOW"

As we were in the tub she shoved me down, grabbed me in her hand and squeezed, as she stroked slowly smiling at me, then swung her leg over and lowered herself onto my face, allowing me to find her clit and lips with my tongue, as she took me in her mouth, and slowly licked and sucked up and down my manhood, while I was licking and sucking her womanhood until she finished on my face and in my mouth,"God that feels amazing" she said letting me out of her mouth, she turned and rolling onto her back, pulled me over with her and taking me in her hand she guided me inside of her slowly, squeezing and caressing me inch by inch until I was all the way in, then she wrapped her legs around me, looked into my eyes, and said "Fuck me as hard as you can". So I did, and we both came, her at least 2 more times as I filled her with mine, then I slid down her body and proceeded to lick and suck her clean, making her cum again, then I picked her up and held her in my arms as she cried again, I held her till she was finished , then we laid down on the bed, and went to sleep snuggled together, in what would be the last decent sleep we would get for almost 6 months.

When we woke up that afternoon we didnt say much, just cleaned up and headed back to the lab where the coroner, Gina Dubois, was waiting with her report. " This is a bad one Mat, he has added to his repertoire. She died due to almost total exsanguination ... she lost about 95% of her total blood volume. But before she died he hurt her bad, I counted 146 broken bones, almost every single muscle, tendon and ligament was either stretched or torn, she was beaten worse than the rest ... " , she paused and I could feel the anger and frustration radiating from her, "She was raped repeatedly with a sharp double edged weapon both vaginally and analy, then he forced salt inside of her with a large rounded blunt object about 10 inches in diameter ... he tore her open inside so bad that even if she had been in a hospital she would have died!" " He also raped her and left fluids behind which we are analyzing now, but there is something else ..." and again she paused. "What is it Gina?" Asked Teri. Gina still hesitated, then finally spoke. "He left something else behind inside of her, a letter addressed to Mat" she said, " The letter is in my office since I haven't logged it into evidence yet." "Gina, what are you hiding?" I asked, "Not logging evidence is not like you, and you are kinda worrying me right now." "Fucking A and you should be worried, Mat he knows your full name, not just the goddamned initials, he knows you almost intimately," she said, "You don't even have your middle name listed officially anywhere, I know, I checked, so how the hell does he know so much about you?" Now I am not the kind of person that gives out my personal information to anyone, so for the bastard to know so much... " Gina, Teri, I swear I don't know, only 5 or 6 people know that name, there is a fucking reason I don't use it," I said, "The man that raped my mother and got her pregnant, he ... he kept tabs on her, and when she went into labor he followed her to the fucking hospital, and after I was born, he just walked in proud as you fucking please, and added a name to my birth certificate, my middle name... God I hate the name, but I have used what happened to her to become the cop I am, my middle name is, Dubois..." I heard Gina and Teri both draw in sharp breaths as they digested what I had just told them. I went into Gina's office and found the letter, and walked outside debating on who could know my full name, and hate me enough to do this kind of fucked up bullshit in my city.

Teri caught up to me as I was getting in my truck, "Mat" she began, "I am so sorry, you never told me anything about your childhood or growing up with what happened to you. But it doesn't change who you are, you are still my partner and goddammnit I need you to be at your best because this fucker is killing children in our city and he almost got you, so snap the fuck out of what ever funk your in and let's get to work and catch this maniac!" Leave it to Teri to put it so plainly and yet so perfectly, " Ok, T, your right, we need to go to the hospital so I can talk to Ashley, she needs to know about the letter." The letter! I hadn't even looked at it yet, and suddenly I was afraid to! Before I go too much further let me explain a bit more... Ashley Wise was the doctor that operated on me and the other cops that were wounded in the failed attempt to catch this bastard, but more importantly she is my baby sister.

"She is one of the very few people that know my full name so I need to talk to her ASAP."

I now my grammar and punctuation is atrocious but bear with me it is a work in progress

[titsthedamnseason]

There is this other anon upset about Aline... I understand that they are kids but those kids were JERKS (they made Helen cry, well, the only jerk was Dru, we read her POV, Tavvy did not know better)... of course, my opinion would be different had Aline called out Ty but she didn't 💁🏻‍♀️. Let's not justify shitty behavior. We can understand where it comes from, yes. But that does not give a free pass to hurt others. Also, Aline was not abusing anyone and she even fed them.

everything youve just said…..is so wrong i dont even know where to start.

these small children, dru included, were not “jerks”. they were going through an awful time which yes, means they were not behaving perfectly or being entirely respectful, but not just for the sake of it. not to be “jerks”. they were suffering and having a hard time adjusting to the simultaneous loss of livvy and julian, and were understandably having a hard time adjusting to helen being the one to fill that space. im not saying they shouldnt have been perhaps nicer, but really, they didnt understand the effect their actions were having on helen, and again, were going through such a hard time, that it’s understandable that they werent all sunshine and rainbows. the point is, helen and aline were the adults of the situation and should have recognized children acting childish and acted like the bigger people.

next, your opinion should not be different had aline been talking to ty. hell, some of the time she was talking to ty, and that’s okay. ty is autistic, he isnt clueless. of all the children, ty would understand the situation best because he’s the oldest. not to mention, just because he isnt neurotypical, he shouldnt get special treatment(at least, in this case, i understand this wouldnt apply in all cases). i cant speak from personal experience, because im not on the spectrum, but i do know and hangout with a handful of people who are and what they want is to be treated the same. when we were little and caught doing something we werent supposed to? my friends who are autistic faced consequences just the same. especially for someone as functional as ty, who fully understands his actions, there’s really no reason that aline should exempt ty from repercussions had he also been acting out. that being said, if i recall correctly, ty was too distracted with necromancy to really be bothered with helen, so he wasnt doing much wrong in that respect. again, im sorry if i said anything wrong or offensive to anyone in this part. please let me know if i did because it was not at all my intention and i would like to sincerely apologize, learn, and correct myself if i did.

to be clear anon: no one is “justifying shitty behavior” or “giving a free pass”. yes, the behavior the children exhibited was shitty. guess what? so was aline’s. and at times, so was helen’s. lets not justify their shitty actions either because they exist. but that’s honestly okay. everyone is a shitty person. people can slip up. not do everything perfect once in a while. example a: cassandra clare wrote qoaad. kind of shitty behavior if you ask me but we’re all still gonna be reading her books. prime example of shitty behavior exhibited, but ultimately ignored so we can get the rest of the books understood and forgiven

lastly….the worst one. the one i dread. the one my poor head, does not wrap around. “Aline was not abusing anyone and she even fed them.” i would first like to preface by saying, i specifically said that i was not saying aline was abusive. actually, my exact words were,  “i dont think aline is cruel or a monster who hates children or anything,” so  the sense of me not calling her abusive was there. all i said was the kids were also going through a hard time, perhaps aline could have been just a tad nicer at certain times. not all the time. the kids certainly did need some reprimanding when she gave it to them in some scenes. however, there were just a few times that i felt she was being a little too brutal, which is, again, understandable considering what she was also going through. i still love both aline and helen with all my heart but i can still acknowledge that there were points where they could have handled the situation differently is all.

and now for my favorite part of this whole ask that deserves its own section:

i think this might give me nightmares tonight. anon, i think that we should clarify something. a few things, actually. one, feeding children is like,,,the barest bones of taking care of them. the barest. im sorry, but aline feeding the children does not impress me. perhaps, the other ways she took care of them did, but i cant exactly say it was the act of her giving them food that wowed me. next, even if someone was abusing children, they could still feed them???? it still counts as abuse, that doesnt cancel it out asdfgvhb let’s all jot this down so we dont forget because OOF

[midyearflowers]

i just need to get some stuff out cause i cant say it out loud without starting a big fight. but like my mothers anger and pettiness is so frustrating to deal with and i know it will get her hurt one day. i just finished school for the day and i had a great time, my general elective is my fave class by far just cause its so interesting and i was having a great time. then out i go to get picked up and i find my mom fighting with someone in the parking lot. he was trying to get out but she wouldnt move up to let him. in her words he was being an ass and since he couldve easily just backed up and gone that way so why should she move. but like. guys this man actually fucking got out of his truck to scream at her face to face. my mom likes to think shes invincible cause of whatever dumb fucking reason she tells herself but like what if he decided to punch her? like obviously its worst case scenario but like people do get that heated with road rage shit. but like seeing him get out of the truck to get up and personal was terrifying and knowing how my mom gets like i knew if that were a violent man thered be nothing anyone could do, especially not me. like ive told her this before but nothing i say means anything to her cause im just her stupid kid who, even tho im literally an adult, i cant possible know more than a mere child and certainly not more than her so i should just shut up and be thankful i guess. but back in high school i used to sit in the living room crying my eyes out having multiple panic attacks every time she would go out cause id just sit and think of all the horrible things that could happen to her and this was way before her anger issues got so bad. she was for the most part normal and appropriate but i was still so scared for her cause i know what the world is like and what some people will do/are capable of. i never told her this cause i didnt want her to stop going out just cause of my anxiety but like do i really have to spiral back into that nightmare? just because she needs to take her anger out on others and be petty and get her 5 second “revenge” thats just flipping people off? like its one thing to pick a fight with someone in a college parking lot where there are security on site and lots of witnesses. but like she does this everywhere all the time. what if the next time she picks a fight (and she picks one every single day it seems) shes on the highway at night? alone in a deserted area? and the man shes fighting gets out of his truck and gets in her face? like what the fuck is she going to do? nothing. i know for a fact she is not strong enough to do anything to protect herself. and ive even told her before that im terrified that if that happens while im in the car theyll go for me instead just to get at her. like i know a lot of it is irrational thinking on my part but like come on. these things happen enough that i have to think about them. its all just so frustrating and i flip flop between not caring and caring a lot and i just cant fucking take it anymore. i really just wanna blow up at her at this point. she doesnt give a shit about how she makes me feel because her feelings are always more important. she is important and invincible and since she had to deal with a lot of shit in her life she should be allowed to do whatever she wants without consequences. and i just know its gonna bite her one day, and i really dont want it to get to that point but i feel thats the only way shell realize it. and even then shell probably blame it on them

[butwhyduh]

No One Else

Tom Holland x Reader

Warning: smut, angst, bad words

Word count: 1915

Summary: you met Tom one summer but when fall and work come back things go wrong. For @spideyfield challenge.

You met one summer. You worked at a sandwich shop between semesters. Tom quickly became a regular and within a week had asked you out. Long walks and sweaty makeouts punctuated by deep conversations. Kissing under an umbrella as rain poured around you. Heated passion in the back seat of an old car.

But English summers are too short. Far too short. And uni called you at the same time he went back to work. The relationship became strained.

You knew his work but Tom acted like it wasn't as mad as it seemed. And in the haze of summer it seemed normal. Tom was there and you were there and the only thing that mattered was you both.

But soon you realized that it was madness. He was signing autographs and taking pictures. His instagram was full of people trying to get a piece of him. He would have to cancel plans on you. You would argue over it sometimes. He would miss calling you. And then it turned into all the time. Finally one time he couldn't handle it.

"I can't do this anymore," Tom said in an argument. You stopped speaking and looked at him. "I'm tired of arguing. Why are we even wasting our time? I can't change anything and you won't be happy."

Your eyes started to water. "Are you- are you breaking up with me?" You felt cold.

"I... I guess I am. This isn't working anymore," Tom said quietly with his arms crossed. You blinked rapidly to contain your emotions.

"I don't know what to say," you finally said as your fingers played with the hem of your shirt. "I don't want to break up. But you- you sound like you've made up your mind. I... uh... I guess I'll go."

"You're leaving? Just- just like that?" He asked in disbelief. Tom didn't know what he expected but it wasn't this.

"I'm not going to stay where I'm not wanted. I won't bother arguing with you," you said as tears streamed down your face. You wiped them away furiously. You didn't want to cry in front of him.

"I didnt- I," he said not knowing what he meant. He didn't want to what? Hurt you? He was certainly doing that.

"Its okay," you said without looking at him. It most certainly wasn't okay but you couldn't tell him that anymore. You left his apartment and walked home. You fell asleep on your couch after crying.

He didn't call the next day. You didn't call him. What could you do? Not beg. You went through life in a daze for the next week. Finally his work took him away and he just didn't contact you anymore.

You tried to focus on school and it worked. For the most part. Tom was in the back of your mind but you could push it aside with studies.

That was until you received a letter in the mail. It was a reminder of a wedding you were invited to. Your heart sank. You had RSVPed with Tom as your date.

You considered not going. Everyone was going to ask about him. But your friend would be crushed and to miss a moment of her life over some guy was silly. So you decided to brave it and go. You put on the fancy dress you had bought weeks before. The blue fabric clung to your curves.

The ceremony was beautiful. Your friend was glowing. Her husband was grinning. It was nice. You had almost forgot about your own heart ache.

But then the reception came and you clutched your purse tight as everyone started to mingle. A few older adults asked about your job and you relaxed.

"So what happened to the boyfriend," a drunk friend of the groom asked. "Spider-Man?"

Your body stiffened and you politely stated you were no longer dating.

"Bummer. You let a catch out of your hand. You won't date Spider-Man again," he joked. You nodded and walked to the bar.

"What will you have?" The older man asked.

"What does I went to a wedding after being dumped taste like?" You grumbled.

"Whiskey," he said pouring a finger of whiskey with two cubes of ice. You didn't drink hard liquor often but what the hell. You turned around to people watch and you downed the spirit.

"Another, please," you said. He nodded and poured. You sipped on this one as you watched happy couples dancing. It was pathetic that one single comment from a drunk stranger had you drinking.

The reception was gorgeous. Twinkling lights strung from trees and glass shimmered on top of wine barrel tables. The lovely couple danced together to a slow song.

You shouldn't have come. You weren't ready to go to a wedding and was going to ruin the bride's night if she saw you. You immediately began planning your escape. Perhaps a fake illness?

The song stopped and then you saw him. Tom was walking through the dance floor to you. He was so obvious in a black hoodie and blue jeans. You couldn't believe your eyes. You hadn't talked to him in weeks. Why was he here? Why was he wearing that at a wedding?

He stood before you silently staring at you. Some of the guests watched but most were watching the father daughter dance. You couldn't speak. Certainly not when you felt like crying and had been drinking.

"I'm sorry," he said. You stared. "I'm an idiot. I tried to move on but no one is you. Can we talk? Away from here," Tom said playing with the edge of his sleeve. His wide brown eyes never leaving you. You could now see circles under his eyes. He hasn't been sleeping well or maybe crying.

"Okay," you said softly. You walked down the path towards the creek. It too was softly lit with strung lights. Finally you both stopped a little away from the party. The music was softer down here with the soft gurgle of the creek behind you.

"I'm an idiot," he repeated. "I should have known it was going to be hard. You hadn't been around this stuff. I could have called more and we could have brought you along more," Tom rambled.

"Tom," you stopped him. He looked at you nervously. "I shouldn't have been so jealous. You didn't do anything wrong. And I'm sorry."

He looked at you in disbelief. He wasn't expecting anything. But Harrison had pushed him to try. His eyes finally moved down to the dress.

"You look gorgeous. You look great. I came to a wedding in a hoodie."

"You did," you laughed slightly. Tom smiled ruefully at you. He touched the soft material on your shoulder. You grasped his hand.

"Can I- can I kiss you?" He asked in a whisper.

You didn't respond but leaned up and placed your lips on his. His other hand grasped your waist delicately as he wound his fingers in yours. You wrapped an arm around his neck as he deepened the kiss.

His hand on your waist slowly ran up your torso to grasp your breast through the thin material. You gasped. Tom took the opportunity to suck your lip. Your hand tangled in his hair and pulled his hair slightly as he caressed your nipple through the fabric.

He suddenly pulled away from you. "I don't want to have a misunderstanding. I want to be back with you. Do you- do you wanna..."

"Yes. Yes," you said yanking him back down to you for another kiss. He moaned as you bit his lip. He pulled away again.

"Do you want to get out of here? Because I want you. Badly," he admitted.

"I have a room on the other side of the building," you motioned back at the reception. Tom never let you of your hand and pulled you along. You quietly walked along the edge of the reception to your room. You unlocked the door and Tom pulled you in the room before pushing you against the door.

"God, I missed you," He said between kisses. "Your smell, your laugh, your smile, your terrible tv shows."

You smiled at that one. Tom pulled both of your hands above your head and kissed down your neck. You panted as he kissed sensitive spots. He bit your earlobe before whispering "the way you taste."

You gasped. He let go if your hands to unzip the dress. He let the material fall to the floor as he attacked your breasts. His teeth grazing the sensitive bud. His hands roamed between your legs.

"Tom," you moaned as he slipped a finger in you. He played his fingers in your wetness as your hips jumped. Tom kissed the underside of your breast and down your waist. You were still pressed against the door as he kissed your clit.

You gripped his hair. He pulled one leg over his shoulder and licked a long strip down your core. Your leg wavered for a second. He innocently looked up at you before continuing. You grasped your nipples.

"Oh God, don't stop," you moaned as he stuck a finger inside you. You found it harder to stand as he continued. His other arm came to your hips to support you. You felt your core tighten and you came gasping and moaning. Your whole body shook. Tom supported you as he put your leg down and stood up.

He grabbed you around the waist and pulled you to the bed where he laid you down. He quickly pulled his clothing off and climbed on top of you. He leaned on his elbows and took your hands in his and intertwined your fingers. You tried to grind on him, to do anything.

Tom understood the message and slowly pushed himself in you. He stilled at the motion. It had been a while. Finally he began moving again.

"I missed you so much," he said between kisses. "You are so amazing. I was a complete idiot. Damn you feel fucking amazing wrapped around me."

He continued the agonizingly slow pace. His hands never left yours. "I love you too," you moaned. You began to feel the tightening again. He panted softly and laid his head on your shoulder. You moaned as he hit a certain spot over and over again.

"I'm going to cum," you breathed. You moaned loudly and clenched around his cock.

"Oh God," he groaned as you came on his cock. He twitch and found his release quickly afterwards. Tom rolled to the side and grasped you around the waist tightly. He peppered soft kisses to your hair.

"I love you so much. I can't say how much I missed you. Did you- did you miss me too?" Tom asked nervously. You smiled.

"I was a wreck. I missed you too. Don't do that again," you gazed into his eyes.

"No never."

"Can I get my jacket? Sorry to bother you guys," came one of your friend's voice from behind the door.

You buried your head in Tom's neck and laughed. He turned red and smirked. Tom pulled on his jeans and grabbed the jacket and pushed it out the door.

"Hello," your friend said.

"Hi, we're busy," Tom said before handing her the jacket and closing the door. You heard your friend laughing as she walked away.

"We're busy?"

"We're definitely busy."

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