#so much of the money my grandparents saved for me has been spent on making this flat our Home

[infectiouspiss]

how do rich people spend so much money without feeling like they're dying i spend £11 on a water bottle and i feel sick

[hana-no-seiiki]

SOME YANDERE FLUFF TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY.

// fantasy creature cruelty. yandere themes. heteronormative society (sort of?? both your paternal and maternal grandparents come in hetero pairs)

I don’t know if you guys read my yan! father fic yet but do go check out @yoru-no-seiiki for it (Unless you’re a minor cause that acc doesn’t allow those) as it happens in the same universe(ish) as this one.

So by now you’ve already met yan! father.

BUT WHAT ABOUT CUTE HIGH FANTASY YAN! GRANDPARENTS AND OLD MENTOR.

(honestly would love to see my moot’s takes on yan! grandparents so if ya’ll see this. it’s not only a sign but a call to aid plez)

mostly based off of mairimashita iruma kun’s sullivan, your YAN! PATERNAL GRANDPA and GRANDMA spoil you a shit ton.

YAN! P! GRANDPA is more on the type to spoil you physically/monetarily. If you have a need or even the slightest hint of desire for something, consider it received. He has saved so much of your drawings and if you happen to be the kid who drew monsters/weird abominations as a child then ya boi definitely has frankensteined some into being. His creations happened to net him a ton of money which he spent all on you as ‘thanks’ but everyone knows it’s just cause he’s infatuated with his cute grandchild.

YAN! P! GRANDMA leans heavily on the ‘unhealthily allowing this kid(you and yan!dad) to do whatever you want and even encouraging it’ sort of parenting. She taught how to kill and do it efficiently as a young child. Uncaring of whatever prophecies schmofeces oracles have of your future. She will make you into an indestructible machine and is hell-bent on it. … You have probably ingested a lot of poison from her cookies as a way to built immunity to the stuff.

Now your maternal grandparents are a lot let on the damaging side but are still pretty over the top.

Your YAN! MATERNAL GRANDPA loves showing off. He’s probably like a war general with many wives and sees love as ‘you worship/admire me’ which he sorta maybe passed unto you. He’s kind of like a caveman and believes a show of strength is in order to be successful. So there’s a lot of him flexing and challenging YAN! PATERNAL GRANDPARENTS to a duel.

Only for YAN! PATERNAL GRANDMA to swiftly have his ass wipe the floor.

YAN! MATERNAL GRANDMA is a jaded woman. She never loved her husband and had always wanted to flee the family and high society until you came along. I see her as the old version of those Manhwa female protags that have rebirthed multiple times and is just tired of the shitty life they’ve been dealt with. She’s incredibly knowledgeable on fashion, trends and the industry as a whole. She’ll make sure you look good at every turn. Maybe even start trends of your own. It doesn’t matter your body type and if isn’t what’s in at the moment, she’ll make it the moment. Unlike the paternal grandma and her husband, she would never put you in harms way. Even extending your time with her so you don’t have to do those barbaric acts with the others.

And then there’s YAN! MENTOR who swore to never have another child under him ever again. The last time he did that, said child (your father) destroyed his precious astrology tower and had him imprisoned for 5 years for a thing he never even did. Sure, 5 years is nothing for thousand or so year old man but boy was he pissed off.

YAN! MATERNAL GRANDPA had to threaten him to have you and YAN! MENTOR is almost thankful that he did.

YAN! MENTOR believes you to be his best student. It definitely did not start off that way. He thought that a prissy, spoiled brat like you would leave the moment he gave you a difficult task but you surprised him with your tenacity. Throughout all his trials for you, you always came out at top, if not persevered until your body couldn’t handle it anymore.

He definitely wants you to kill your dad as compensation though, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I end up writing him as the reason why you plotted to end the dude’s life.

To keep things fluffy, let’s say in this timeline, he saves you from your dad’s entourage and adopts you.

Your YAN! GRANDPARENTS definitely riot but all are mature enough to understand the situation in the end.

will write more on this on the future but for now, i gotta go! byeeee!!

[watchinghallmark]

Okay, here are my thoughts on the Hallmark Mystery movies and Hallmark+ programming!

Hallmark Mystery

🎄 This Time Each Year  Premiere Date: Thursday, Oct. 24 at 8/7c Cast: Alison Sweeney, Niall Matter Premise: Lauren (Sweeney) and Kevin (Matter) were once happily married and thriving as a family but the couple has spent almost the past year in a trial separation and are working hard to co-parent their young son Charlie (Ezra Wilson). Kevin is determined to make their family whole again and it’s clear he and Lauren still care for each other deeply. When Lauren’s mother (Laura Soltis) suddenly comes into town, she asks Kevin to pretend they’re still together as she hasn’t yet broken the news to her. As they try to keep up this ruse, they begin to remember what life was like and Lauren sees the strides Kevin has made to get back on the right path and just maybe, this holiday will be a season of healing and bring happiness back into their lives.

This sounds very sweet.

🎄 My Sweet Austrian Holiday  Premiere Date: Thursday, Oct. 31 at 8/7c Cast: Brittany Bristow, Will Kemp Premise: Charlotte (Bristow) is an American, who has lived in Vienna since inheriting a chocolate shop from her grandparents two years ago. Since then, she has worked tirelessly to grow the business into a successful enterprise. Christmas is one of the busiest times of the year and Charlotte has been selected as one of the finalists for Vienna’s chocolatier of the year. Taking home the prize could provide some much-needed money to fend off a large developer from taking over her grandparents’ shop. Charlotte soon meets and befriends Henry (Kemp), and they bond over their shared affinity for quality chocolate. But a surprising twist of fate just might end their newfound relationship on a bittersweet note.

Let me guess. Is he the developer? I feel like this movie doesn't quite belong in this group. I don't care for Britt but I do love Will so hopefully it'll be enjoyable.

🎄 Five Gold Rings  Premiere Date: Thursday, Nov. 7 at 8/7c Cast: Holland Roden, Nolan Gerard Funk Premise: When New York City painter Audrey Moss (Roden) returns to her small Minnesota hometown for the holidays, she’s met with an unexpected quest from her beloved late grandmother: find the owners of five mysterious gold rings and return them to their rightful homes before Christmas morning, only nine days away. In her bequeathment, Grandma also urges Audrey to team up with local private investigator and childhood friend, Finn O’Sullivan (Funk). From gingerbread house building to the annual Giving Gala, these two begin to bond over more than just their quest. As Audrey and Finn unravel the mystery of the missing rings’ owners, they discover there is more to their relationship than they ever expected to find.

Holland is one of my absolute faves so I'm excited for this one. I love a little holiday quest!

🎄 A Reason for the Season  Premiere Date: Thursday, Nov. 14 at 8/7c Cast: Taylor Cole, Kevin McGarry Premise: In order to earn her trust fund, Evie (Cole) is tasked with granting Christmas wishes to the people who saved her life on the night of her birth. To aid in her cause, she employs Kyle (McGarry), a handsome local attorney, to track down those who helped and attempts to secretly learn what they might want while maintaining her anonymity. With Christmas fast approaching, the heiress and the attorney can’t resist falling for each other’s charms as they ramp up their gift giving efforts. But as time ticks down, will she be able to accomplish the mission and grant all of the wishes by Christmas Eve?

What an interesting plot! I think these two will be really great together.

🎄 A Novel Noel  Premiere Date: Thursday, Nov. 21 at 8/7c Cast: Julie Gonzalo, Brendan Penny Premise: A successful New York City book editor (Gonzalo), who is losing touch with her passion after a few setbacks this year learns she was chosen to run a bookstore in the small town of Saint Ives for the month of December. While realizing a childhood dream, but butting heads with the handsome son (Penny) of the bookstore owners, she comes to realize that her love for bringing out the creativity of others is still her true calling, and untapped talent (and love) can be found anywhere… even in the writings of a cranky business-minded man, especially at Christmas.

Sounds cute and cozy.

🎄 Christmas Under the Lights  Premiere Date: Wednesday, Nov. 27 at 8/7c Cast: Heather Hemmens, Marco Grazzini Premise: Emily (Hemmens) is always reluctant to return home to her family’s animal rescue ranch — but when her mother passes away, her brother Nick requests her help organizing the annual Christmas Carnival. When she arrives, she discovers Nick’s friend, Luke (Grazzini), staying at the ranch — and that Luke was once a successful artist who works with light. Though initially reluctant to collaborate, Emily and Luke work hard to pull off the best, most light-filled carnival the town has ever seen, a healing celebration of Emily’s mother’s legacy and the magic of Christmas — and along the way feel sparks of romance as radiant as the lights themselves.

Planning events is never that appealing of a plot to me but this sounds like it'll have some heart and I really like both leads.

🎄 A Dance in the Snow  Premiere Date: Thursday, Dec. 5 at 8/7c Cast: Erica Cerra, Mark Ghanimé, Vanessa Burghardt, Dorian Giordano Premise: Melanie’s (Cerra) 17-year-old autistic daughter Jenny (Burghardt) is a senior in high school and looking forward to college. After a bad experience her junior year, Jenny is not interested in attending her final Christmas dance before graduating. Melanie decides to surprise Jenny by getting involved in the school’s planning committee to create a welcoming dance for all students. Meanwhile, Jenny and her friends secretly plan their own party, in part to honor Melanie. Melanie works with Jenny’s literature teacher (Ghanimé) on the dance and starts to fall for him while Jenny develops something special with a new classmate (Giordano) at school. When their secrets snowball, however, their plans begin to drive a wedge between the usually tightknit mother and daughter at the holidays.

This sounds really sweet. I love that they want to do something special for each other.

🎄 All I Need for Christmas  Premiere Date: Thursday, Dec. 12 at 8/7c Cast: Mallory Jansen, Dan Jeannotte Premise: Maggie (Jansen) has been trying for years to break in as a singer/songwriter. Now faced with challenges of new apps and social media, Maggie fears she’s outdated and unable to compete in a tech-savvy world. While helping her parents on their farm at Christmastime, she meets Archer (Jeannotte), an entrepreneur who has come back to town to spend the holidays alone. Archer is developing large-scale apps and is a tech enthusiast. At first, Maggie blames him for all of her songwriting woes. To her surprise, he encourages her to get back in touch with music that really matters and write from the heart; tech can be used in a supportive role to help her achieve her dreams without replacing the art of songwriting. Archer is dealing with loss of family, and through her tight family bonds, Maggie helps Archer find ways of moving beyond years of family feuding. In this holiday romance, Maggie and Archer both discover there is merit in preserving the tried and true while making room for new ideas and methods to bring people together and help make dreams come true.

To be honest, this sounds kind of lame to me but I'm sure it'll be cute.

🎄 Trading Up Christmas  Premiere Date: Thursday, Dec. 19 at 8/7c Cast: Italia Ricci, Michael Xavier Premise: Michelle (Ricci) is the dreamer of her family, always brimming with imaginative ideas to make the world a better place. This Christmas, her sister Keri desperately needs a new home, and Michelle hatches a creative plan to help. Starting with just a Christmas stocking, she sets out to trade her way up to something far greater—a house for Keri. While Keri dismisses it as a far-fetched idea, local reporter Dan (Xavier) is intrigued. Assigned to cover Michelle’s story, Dan follows her closely, and as her plan gains attention, he starts to see the world through her hopeful eyes. As Michelle and Dan grow closer, so do their feelings for each other. But when it seems her plan has failed and she fears ruined her relationship with Keri, Michelle is ready to give up. It’s Dan’s love and belief in her that reignites hope just when she needs it most.

I think this is a fun concept and I love Italia. I wish someone would get me a house.

Hallmark+

I'm really looking forward to both new fictional shows. I don't care about Wes' show at all. I'm excited about Finding Mr. Christmas. I think that'll be really fun and silly.

🎄 Unwrapping Christmas: Tina’s Miracle Stars  Release Date: Thursday, Nov. 7 Cast: Natalie Hall, Alec Santos Premise: Tina Mitchell (Hall), a successful business owner, meets a charming guy, Michael (Santos), just as her holiday season heats up with the town’s Christmas Gala and her busy store, All Wrapped Up. When the gala is threatened by a scrooge-like estate owner planning to sell the venue, rumors begin to threaten Tina and Michael’s newfound connection. As Tina works to keep venue’s doors open for the gala, she just might unwrap a new chapter in her life, filled with love and holiday cheer.

I mean... sure. Nothing to get too excited about.

🎄 Unwrapping Christmas: Mia’s Prince  Release Date: Thursday, Nov. 14 Cast: Kathryn Davis, Nathan Witte Premise: Mia (Davis), an accountant at All Wrapped Up, is stunned when local celebrity Beau Cavannagh (Witte), who looks just like her favorite romance novel hero, enters her life. Despite her doubts, Beau, an heir to a wealthy family, proves his feelings for her are real, even as his family disapproves. Mia soon finds herself swept up in a fairytale romance that’s straight out of her dreams.

Okay, this sounds really cute.

🎄 Unwrapping Christmas: Lily’s Destiny  Release Date: Thursday, Nov. 21 Cast: Ashley Newbrough, Torrance Coombs Premise: Lily (Newbrough), the marketing guru of All Wrapped Up, believes the universe guides us to our destiny and it appears that it’s guiding her toward a celebrity realtor. However, when she feels an unexpected spark with journalist Sean Whitlock (Coombs) during an interview, her heart starts to question everything. As her chemistry with Sean grows, Lily begins to wonder if he’s the true match she’s been waiting for all along.

And this one sounds lame.

🎄 Unwrapping Christmas: Olivia’s Reunion  Release Date: Thursday, Nov. 28 Cast: Cindy Busby, Jake Epstein Premise: Olivia (Busby), the gift-wrapping expert at All Wrapped Up, makes a delivery to a remote cabin only to find her ex-boyfriend Benjamin (Epstein) on the other side of the door. After the pair have a minor spat, an unexpected storm traps them together. Neither of them is happy to be forced to spend time together. However as talk turns to shared memories, old feelings and warmth begins to resurface and they are left wondering if it’s possible to get it right a second time.

I do love when people are forced together... but, on the other hand, it's Cindy.

🎄 Season’s Greetings from Cherry Lane  Release Date: Thursday, Dec. 5 Cast: Jonathan Bennett, Annabelle Bourke, Corey Cott, Sarah Dugdale, Shannon Kook, Vincent Rodriguez III Premise: In 1951, a doctor (Cott) wants to make the holiday special for his worried wife (Bourke) before he is shipped out to serve in Korea, but when she suffers a minor fracture to her arm his carefully planned out Christmas Eve plans are upended. In 2003, a newly married couple (Dugdale, Kook) who are always in agreement about everything hosts two sets of in-laws for Christmas Eve for the first time and find that they may not have had as much in common as they thought they did. And in 2024, a couple (Bennett, Rodriguez III) tries to arrange special Christmas surprises for each other but keeping them a secret may be harder than they thought.

I was very skeptical about getting 3 more of these movies but seeing the plan for them now has me interested.

🎄 Happy Holidays from Cherry Lane  Release Date: Thursday, Dec. 12 Cast: Benjamin Ayres, Catherine Bell, James Denton, Erica Durance, Julie Gonzalo, Ryan Rottman Premise: Good Witch reunion! In 1960, Eli (Ayres) and Penny (Durance) take in Eli’s curmudgeonly father, Walter (Serge Houde, Chesapeake Shores), and are forced to navigate some tricky family waters to get through the holidays while also working on a Christmas themed time capsule for son Alex’s school project. In 1998, we see Regina (Bell) and Nelson’s (Denton) first meeting: stuck together when a blizzard strands Nelson in Regina’s home on Christmas Eve. In 2015, Jessie (Gonzalo) faces a big challenge while planning her sister’s last-minute Christmas Eve wedding – the officiant is Tim (Rottman), her high school sweetheart, whom she hasn’t seen in almost 20 years.

I feel like all of these are going to have something different to offer and that's fun.

🎄 Deck the Halls on Cherry Lane  Release Date: Thursday, Dec. 19 Cast: John Brotherton, Erin Cahill, Brooke D’Orsay, Chelsea Hobbs, Benjamin Hollingsworth, Sam Page, Matt Dusk Premise: In 1966, single guy David’s (Hollingsworth) plans for a simple Christmas are dashed when his neighbor Stephanie (Hobbs) arrives with news that she won a contest to have Tommy Saunders’ (Dusk) Christmas Eve TV special broadcast live from her house – but used his address. In 1981, John (Brotherton) and Lizzie (Cahill) learn that this will be their last Christmas on Cherry Lane after John receives a job offer in Michigan and Lizzie finds out she’s pregnant. In 2000, best friends Matt (Page) and Rebecca (D’Orsay) find unexpected feelings developing as they try to find out who is behind a series of Christmas-themed random acts of kindness.

I'm also wondering what the connections will be or if they'll all tie in together somehow.

[lilyngx161]

Independence Day of 2024

Intentions

It's funny, but I spent the entire Friday afternoon before the holiday just to choose a dataset for analysis and make plans to study diligently. But as usual, I missed everything. From now on, I promise not to make any plans if I can't follow through. I promise on my honor.

In a TED talk I remember, there was a very memorable quote, something like "Stress doesn't come when you have too many things to do, it comes when you do nothing at all"

Happenings

All in for family ^^

I could also guess somewhat because every time I come home, my time seems to disappear. It's just cooking, sitting and talking with parents, then going to sleep and the day is over. It sounds relaxing, like living slowly after months of having to live fast to keep up with the times.

Just kidding, I still managed to save a little bit of time for exercise (although it probably doesn't make up for eating and sleeping continuously for 3 days) and then took the opportunity to learn some vocabulary, listen to some English to avoid forgetting. Oh, and having coffee with friends, visiting grandparents a bit, all in all it wasn't just eating and sleeping hehe :))

For me, this is still a complete holiday like other holidays. The important thing is that I got to rest, be happy with the people I love, and not worry about anything (this is a bit of a lie, but it's true for work, overtime was just running a query ^^)

Grateful for

As always, every time I come home, I feel extremely appreciative of what I have.

I'm grateful for being born into a small family that always loves, cares for, and supports me. Despite any difficulties before, those scratches have somewhat shaped who I am today, always hardworking and forward-looking, always cherishing the moments of happiness.

I'm grateful that the people I love are still healthy, even though my parents have aged a lot, with more illnesses, but their care and attention for their children are always there.

Many times I've really forgotten about my parents, the hustle and bustle of this city has unconsciously made people heartless. Now I realize the price of growing up, which is when we have to leave the protective embrace of family, when we let our parents be the ones who stay behind. I still remember my mom's anticipation for my return every weekend, and when I shrugged it off... mom must have been very sad

Remind yourself to call home more often, Trang!

Plan after the last short-term 4-day holiday of the year

I tried to think more but I really didn't think much. And maybe it should be that way.

I still maintain my intention to study abroad next year, so these last 4 months of the year will be quite hardcore for me.

I need to get a GRE certificate in November (at least), retake the IELTS certificate in January (at least) and prepare application documents, etc., not to mention having to study for additional stats certificates, do personal projects.

I plan to apply for a mentor after finishing the GRE, so I probably need to start saving money from now (just looking at the prices on the web already makes me dizzy).

So study hard and spend wisely, Trang!

[fduplegacy]

Personal again, ignore please

So my parents are most likely moving back home after 5 years. I am not the least bit relieved by this. I hate it when they're home. They make me want to kill myself every day.

Between the judgy comments, patronizing attitudes, depreciating "jokes" and reprimands for not being like them... I just don't want them here.

Dad said that no one is offering them work, and that payments haven't come through. I feel bad for him, I won't deny that he works himself to the bone. But he's so mindless about what he says and does to other people... I'm surprised he hasn't noticed the pattern yet.

He insults every single demographic he hears of, expects others to work just the way he wants, when he wants. Has a whole book of excuses as to why work doesn't come out when he promises. Undercharges, then overcharges customers when they order parts from him. Insults said customers to anyone who's willing to listen, nevermind if they too know the same client.

Mom never works. She wails and begs for money from anyone and everyone arguing that dad is overworked and underpaid, but she never does so much as move a finger to work herself. Yet she goes out with her friends often, and comes back with her arms full of useless trinkets and trash that ends up accumulated in the house.

More than once they've asked me for money when they run low. They have savings that they refuse to touch "just in case" they say. But will get mad when I don't give them my own savings.

Around christmas they came and yelled at me for hours for having no money, and I was too distraught to say that whatever money I had saved, ended up with them. Spent in god knows what.

They made my brother yell at me too for the same thing. They all reproach me for not saving money, forgetting that i pay for their stuff. I can't even save up enough to move out and be free of them. I'm trapped.

I even opted to not attend my graduation because I don't want them to go with me, and there's no way I'd go alone. Nevermind ask a friend to go with me because me having friends has been subject of discussion in the house too.

At one point even threatening to disown me if I kept dating a certain guy. There was nothing wrong with him, he is still one of my best friends. The excuse they gave me? he didn't gift me a golden watch when asking me to be his girlfriend. Because that's what my dad did with my mom when they were young... Nevermind that my dad paid for said watch with my grandparent's money, while my friend refuses to take money that he didn't earn.

Besides the point. My problem is: My siblings will not spend as much time with my parents as I will. They never have, either. For some reason, they're allowed to have a life outside of the house. But not me. I'm to be their maid and butler. I can't even take a job that wasn't given by them. I work in my father's workshop, underpaid and overworked.

I can't have interests or things of my own. All of them will be questioned and discarded as trash, but God forbid I touch my mom's yarn, that has been rotting in a box for over 20 years -still new- somewhere in the attic.

I don't want them here. I don't want to live with them again. I want to move out. I want to be away from my family. Disappear and never come back again. I want to die.

I just wanted to be happy. Is that too much to ask?

[homo-economics]

Just venting a bit.

I’m about to make a huge life change to help my grandmother. And I have no reservations or questions about doing it. She raised me and I am going to make sure she has everything she needs.

But like, it’s going to significantly impact my ability to save money for a house. Hell, I’ll be paying more for her care than my parents pay for their mortgage.

I’m just tired and frustrated because my grandparents sacrificed so much to make sure my mom got everything she wanted. And I don’t talk about it like ever, but my parents have fucking wasted their money almost their entire lives.

We were so poor and so fragile in my life. And like, so much of it was my parents just blowing their money and not fucking pushing themselves. They were too young to have a kid when they did but that’s what they did. My mom knew how hard her parents worked and then just fucked around.

And now, guess what? She’s finding out! I’ve been starting to build my life and of course now it has to come to a halt and I have to give up because of course I fucking do. Gods forbid my parents actually spent the past thirty years building up their savings and retirement properly. They genuinely could’ve paid the house off but no, rotating cars and blowing money on stupid shit.

And I’ve told them that when they get old I am not going to be able to help them. It’s just not possible. I’m going to be working on my life and building it up. But of course that means I’m going to be probably 40 before I have a house and a sizeable savings.

My friends are always there for me. I know I can rely on them to help keep me tethered. I just wish life could’ve been easier. Love that I suffer for decisions that aren’t mine.

I get the whole cycle of poverty thing, I’m not stupid. But holy shit, I hate that I have to be the one that breaks it. Bye bye a huge amount of freedom and independence. Hello to giving like a third of my income to my grandmother 🙃

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

1:32 am pdt 28 Jan u ary 2023 Saturday 🪐

The neighbor is playing music 🎼 loud again it’s got a booming loud bass speaker 🔊 it’s providing very dramatic 🎭 background sound as if I were in a thriller movie 🎥 like Jurassic park. 1:36 am pdt I had very strong painful cramps when I woke up after midnight 🕛. More diarrhea. Mom gave me medicine from the hospital 🏥 but it feels a little painful to drink. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if it’s the medicine or the incubus. 1:38 am pdt I drank it b4 midnight 🕛 b4 falling asleep 😴 I think 🤔 getting difficult 😞 2 remember. Need to write ✍️ it down next time. But I probably won’t take it again. 1:39 am pdt

tired. And hot flash. Exhaling hot 🥵 air. Nothing feels hot 🥵 on the surface. It might be inside closer to the lungs 🫁. 😞😖😭😫 ow my left ear 👂. Incubus wants me paranoid about the music. It’s more distant sounding this time than all the previous times. 1:42 am pdt maybe 🤔 the guy has a car 🚗 now and took it to his car 🚗???? 1:43 am pdt idk 🤷🏻‍♀️.

1:45 am pdt when I went to toilet 🚽 several minutes ago I saw 👀 something that looked like a vitamin I took b4 falling asleep 😴. 1:47 am pdt

1:47 am pdt I I saw 👀 in auto correct devil seven . Did not notice what was in the first square. Feels like he’s calling me those. 1:50 am pdt

29 Jan u ary 2023 Sunday ☀️ 12:12 pm pdt

HOT 🥵. My family doesn’t want me around. I have been too much trouble 4 them I guess all these years. From being too afraid 2 get a job when I was 16 years old and chatting online... and when I was 9 years old? I wasn’t understanding of my mom using my birthday 🎂 money from my grandparents to buy a microwave which I complained 2 my dad and it seemed 2 open a can of worms 🪱 I guess with my dad. I think 🤔 he might have used it as a reason 2 take my mom 2 court. I don’t know how that makes any sense to him 2 do that in retrospect. Maybe 🤔 my mom made more money 💰 than she let on and did not need 2 spend my birthday money 💰 (butt cheeks flesh PAIN 😖😭😖😭😤🥵😤🥵) I felt guilty about that for years. When my sister was in middle school 🏫 and I was in high school 🏫 my mom told her 2 ask me 4 money 💰 2 buy yearbooks. I think I took it from my own money 💰 I saved from dad. Usually dad gave equally to both of us? I think? So she could have easily bought it herself if she saved it. She went out with friends a lot and I usually stayed home 🏠. 12:21 pm pdt so she probably spent it then. From 2011- almost end of 2012 I didn’t go out often 4 fun. I had little time outside. 12:27 pm pdt my aunt is acting crazy to me for barricading the door 🚪 to make it more difficult for incubus to come in. She’s telling me I’m powerful and stubborn and telling me to pay the rent. I couldn’t breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️ since 2019 but everyone ignored me. I was crawling on the floor when I had difficulty breathing in 2019/2020. She’s behaving like this after I confided in her about Scott. Same thing happened when I confided in my cousin. They both turned against me. 12:31 pm pdt

12:34 pm pdt my friend double checked her messages to Jane page Herman. It looks like Jane didn’t feel comfortable answering any questions and blocked her. It looks like incubus tormented Jane, too. 12:35 pm pdt

12:41 pm pdt incubus tore down my bones 🦴 a lot. My body looks very unattractive and absurd. I once thought 💭 I was falling in love with a former classmate who found me on MySpace. We hung out with out becoming physically intimate. He allowed me to take photos of him for a class project on Halloween 🎃. We went out a few times to eat. There was a moment I was ridiculously? Happy. I question now if it was natural. But he is a really nice guy. He feels like a safe person. And sometimes I wonder 💭 if I had committed to him if I would be happy now. When I decided to stop 🛑 seeing him I felt love 💕 sick in bed 🛌. 12:48 pm pdt oh I felt pain and difficulty breathing my thoughts 💭 lost the train 🚂. I asked once both mom and sister if I should marry him when he was in his way to pick me up 🆙 to go out to eat. I don’t remember him saying if it was a date and I didn’t say it was a date, but after I asked that, he arrived wearing a tie. 12:51 pm pdt shamefully, I didn’t think I could commit bcz I wasn’t attracted to him the way he was, but it didn’t stop 🛑 me from hanging out with him. I like having platonic? Friendships with guys - nice, fun guys; and if I wasn’t very attracted to them it made it easier to hang out with them for clean fun bcz of my curses. I once played drums 🪘 with drummers and I got a good beat going and we played together. When I was 11 years old and got kicked out of a bedroom for the way I played with Barbie dolls (I took something I should not have) I was kindly told to play video games with the stepbrother, and I think that was probably more fun than the Barbie dolls, and I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if he was pretending to have fun with me, but he begged me to play video games more. 12:58 pm pdt my ex and I watched anime together in his bedroom a lot, bcz it was what he wanted to do 😅 and then 2015 I was hooked on inuyasha, and after the breakup I marathon watched sailor moon 🌙 he gave me while I waited out my bleeding 🩸 nose 👃 that easily broke open every day that summer. 1 pm I have a lot of cramps diarrhea pain ever since she unbarricaded that door and I haven’t rebarricaded it. 1:01 pm pdt the incubus makes me hotter 🥵 than I ever been in my life. I don’t think it’s necessary to make me this hot 🥵 I feel like I’m going to die from the heat. I’ve been living in hot apartments all my life. Rarely I use air conditioning yet my mom gave my sister money 💰 to buy an air conditioner but she won’t buy one for us. 1:03 pm pdt

1:04 pm pdt 1:07 pm pdt heart pain incubus has intentions to kill me. I noticed yesterday my right eye looks a little dark as if it’s been bruised. What it is though is he’s been scratching the inside, the white part. 1:10 pm pdt I think he’s giving me the run around and the ring of fire. It burns burns burns the ring of fire the ring of fire 🎶🎼🎵🎤 1:11 pm pdt

Bcz I was shy and probably bcz of chronic eczema and a lot of head trauma, it was difficult for me 2 interact with a lot of people. Usually i got a little more comfortable with specific types of people but I won’t say what types here. From ≈2010 I relied more and more on my mom. She didn’t like me relying on her. When we visited my sister in New York after she had the baby, my mom told me to go out by myself to find more food. And when we were out together sometimes she was stingy even though it was my money. At the airport I wanted more than 1 slice of pizza, but she wouldn’t ask 4 me for more than 1 slice. And then I let her have the chair at the table and then people ran to me to give me chairs. I typed this in (chest getting hot exhaling HOT air 1:19 pm pdt). I don’t know why everyone was being mean to me including incubus. 1:20 pm pdt my eczema (and probably my head trauma ) made living in my body feel like a torture chamber I could never escape. 1:21 pm pdt 1:22 pm pdt. I remember once we shared a large? Pizza with my cousin when she was 9 years old. She wanted 2 eat half of it by herself. I told her she had to share and that I wanted a slice of the other toppings and she could have a slice of the other topping combination. She didn’t want it bcz it was vegetarian? And claimed she got diarrhea from eating vegetables. I think bcz of this I suggested that her dad take her to dinner b4 bringing her to our place. After that happened she bragged she ate a whole big pizza by herself. It probably wasn’t long after this? That she punched me very strongly in the head and my performance capabilities started 2 decline at work. 1:27 pm pdt

1:30 pm pdt when I was about 4 years old I borrowed a girl’s (neighbor) Barbie doll clothing without asking. But always had the intentions of returning all the clothing and I did. She noticed probably but didn’t like it probably bcz I didn’t ask and stopped playing with me. 1:32 pm pdt

1:37 pm pdt I started watching sailor moon when I was in middle school grade 7. I try to learn how to use the vcr to record it so I don’t miss it. 1:38 pm pdt heart pains 1:39 pm pdt

1:40 pm pdt on the phone after we were home from our trip to New York I told my sis I lost a l lot of weight during our visitation there. She tells me maybe I wasn’t a walking enough b4, and when she’s telling this to me she sounds like she hates me. I probably wasn’t friendly enough to her during the trip but it was bcz probably mostly that I had a lot of shame and guilt about past stufff and was trying to distance myself from her to keep myself out of trouble, so I don’t accidentally do something or so people cannot blame me for future bad stuff. But b4 she got married? (Brain/skull pain 1:44) they visited us at my apartment and she’s extremely distant to me and avoids talking to me and being alone with me and I don’t know why. 1:46 pm pdt(she came for a friend’s dads funeral 1:51 pm pdt) incubus makes every one distant and mean to me? 1:46 pm pdt she had her kids after she got married. It’s ironic she told me I don’t walk enough, when I wore myself extremely thin that trip and did 3 seasons of running sports. Diarrhea cramps. 1:48 pm pdt

1:52 pm pdt I guess I’m too selfish and I suck. No one likes me. Incubus hates me. I feel it on the inside that I’m wicked and selfish. I feel I emit bad vibes like Elsa in frozen. mom’s best friend for Christmas 2002? I think she gave an Elsa photo frame with pink roses painted on. Rise rising risen rose 🌹🥀🏵 I’m probably going to lose my hips and pelvis bone now. Incubus is giving me a lot of diarrhea cramps painful for the past 2 hours that’s been going fast. 1:57 pm pdt

2:01 pm pdt one evening I stayed at work extra hours in the evening to get work done, and everyone else was going out for dinner. She decided to come into the office and meets my boss. She acts as if she’s disappointed that I’m not going out to dinner with them even though she seems 2 disrespect me and avoided me beforehand. 2:03 pm pdt there are times we talked on the phone and she would say she will talk to me more next time. Next time she’s on the phone she doesn’t seem to ask to talk to me. I don’t know if it’s my blunder. (Sometimes we have a nice time talking. I don’t remember if I was trying too hard like I usually do 2:08 pm pdt) 2:05 pm pdt there’s something I was. Going to type but cannot remember again. This happens all the time. 2:06 pm pdt I don’t think they are going to let me remember it this time. 2:06 pm pdt oh I remember now. 2:09 pm pdt about adnan. I think I didn’t learn until after my wrist was broken that my sister actually had a crush on him. I met adnan first I think bcz he was in my class. They combined 2nd and third grades into one class. He was 2nd grade and I was third. I remember he was in my group after I came back to school from having the chicken pox. 2:11 pm pdt they let me name our group when I returned. 2:12 pmpdt incubus is trying to trick me again. Too much is going on with my body to believe anything he promises is anything good for me. Bcz he keeps saying marriage, wedding, rings, but all I get is flamed until I feel like I’m dying. No thanks incubus, no false promises necessary 2:14 pm pdt my sister had said one thing to adnan that made him angry that I never said. And she innocently told me later that she was like “ I like playing with you, too” to adnan, and even though I no longer had a class with adnan after that year and completely forgot about him the following year, she blamed me that they couldn’t be together. I guess she didn’t care that he broke my wrist and likes someone who might become a future wife beater. 2:18 pm pdt she was able to see him while I was stuck inside with chickenpox. She gave him my drawing. I did make her promise though to not date anyone my age or older than me at that time. But we were too young to be dating? I don’t really remember keeping her from him, or him from her. She dated a guy 11 years older than her that she met days b4 turning 18 years old. She has a lot of power. My mom empowered her probably for along time. 2:22 pm pdt there were times she locked me out of the bedroom and my mom allowed it. When we moved to blossom hill I remember allowing her decorate the bedroom however she wanted to. She did sleep on the top bunk. Maybe she didn’t like that... it’s hard being in a weird divorced family. It’s weird bcz I think when we were kids we maybe used to argue about who would get the top bunk (2:57 pm pdt b4 we ever got a bunk bed ? Hypothetically? we talked in case we would get one?? 2:58 pm pdt) but I got the bottom bunk with the fold out futon. It actually wasn’t good for my back it was all bumpy. 2:27 pm pdt but I used that bed for many years. From 2000? To end of 2014? No it was ≈ 2012/2013. I think I easily forgot about that. 2:29 pm pdt my sister almost caught up to me in height when she was 6th grade. 2:30 pm pdt I gave my nice twin mattress to my friend. 2:31 pm pdt

3:02 pm pdt still cannot breathe. Coughed. Pain skull right front bone skull😖😭😖😭 I never punched anyone that I can recall but god incubus likes to get me punched in the head and ram my head into dense hard objects that are stainless steel? And dense wood? And it makes me pass out or almost pass out, and for years I feel like putting my head on people’s shoulders. I remember when my parents were still together once, when I’m probably 6 years old, my sister says she’s done with eating dinner and she said it sweetly. Yet she didn’t eat vegetables. I don’t want to eat vegetables either. She then says she wants ice cream and my dad gives it to her. I say I want ice cream, too, but he tells me to eat the vegetables. 3:08 pm pdt I screamed for the ice cream. 3:08 pm pdt

3:11 pm pdt I remember finding drawings my sister did that illustrated our mom was dying of debt. I’m trying to recall if I added to that grief. Shortly after those drawings she transferred to New York to go to an expensive art college on loans, and maybe a partial scholarship? I don’t recall it covering everything bcz I remember the loan payments were complained about and I think I remember a big number for the loans. I would have stayed at the coummunity college longer to figure out what I wanted to do but the grants were coming to an end. I did federal work study and was still very shy. When I applied to transfer to a 4 year I remember one of the teachers thought I would not be accepted at one of the colleges. Maybe bcz it’s really hard to get in, but I don’t recall. For some reason I felt probably a little pain? From the comment? Maybe he didn’t mean it that way. Maybe he didn’t intend for it to hurt. 3:20 pm pdt

============= going back to thinking about the twin who I felt unwelcomed by, I dont know if (heart pain) he intended to make me feel that way, or if he has an anxiety introversion problem. 3:22 pm pdt

=============

maybe the incubus did not like that I ate a lot of cookies or pizza when I was in middle school and high school. But my sister caught up to me and surpassed me in height anyway. I thought I remember not eating much 4 breakfast and lunch for years and so I sometimes was a little greedy around cookies and pizza. I don’t know if it was pure greed at this point bcz it was long time ago or if it was an addiction problem. There were a few times I didn’t pay someone in middle school back 4 ice cream. She was smaller than me and I don’t know what her financial situation was back then. In 8th grade ? I tried to help her on a drawing. She won the school’s mascot drawing competition and she took oil painting classes for her 8th grade project. I remember I made a lot of social mistakes. A lot of bad choices like that that probably made people not like me. 3:30 pm pdt in 2010 I thought about sending her a gift card but procrastinated on it. 3:31 pm pdt I remember I earned a lot of credit card rewards but it 99% expired b4 I thought about redeeming on one card. 3:33 pm pdt I still don’t know if I deserved all those head traumas though. In second grade I shared colored pencils and markers with the whole class. I don’t know if that’s who I really am. And even though I was jealous Of my sister I don’t really recall being very mean to her. We played Barbie dolls and video games and watched cartoons together? And we had to be well behaved while our mom slept b4 her work at the grocery store. I wasn’t perfect but I didn’t kill my sister. And I don’t remember hurting her? We shared a bedroom for @ least 18 years and she seemed to be idk maybe thriving? 3:39 pm pdt 3:41 pm pdt

9:42 pm pdt woke up to very bad acid burning feeling pain cramps in pelvis area. I don’t think me hitting her with a very thin Barbie cardboard box counts especially since she started crying b4 the box made impact. The box was about a foot above her head when she started crying. 9:45 pm pdt I am as probably still 8 years old. Wrote about it in an earlier post. 9:45 pm pdt

the incubus gas lights a lot = faking out. If you’re a real avid maroon 5/Adam Levine fan you will know what I’m talking about and why I say this. 9:47 pm pdt I’m so afraid of him wiping the memories of everyone of the things he’s lying of now. He already covered up his dove tattoo (9:48 urge toilet) which I read he got 6 days after 9/11/2001 bcz he was in New York when it happened. He was supposed to be going to classes in five towns college. I think he enrolled bcz it would be easy for him to earn credits. Why? Idk. 9:50 pm pdt

10:10 pm pdt I watched an interview that he took a cross country trip to get to Long Island New York. It might be true but I think he’s omitted something very important that I read probably 5+ years ago that he went with Jane Herman originally to New York because she was going to go to school there. Whether the oberlin stop over was true or not, prior to that I believe he probably went with her and chose to omit it? 10:13 pm pdt my friend tried asking questions to re-confirm what we read 5* years ago bcz we didn’t save the article and cannot find it anymore. If Jane page Herman is reading this, please know it appears you blocked my friend and left her questions unanswered. 10:16 pm pdt

10:24 pm pdt (pain right thigh bone? Flesh? 😖😭🥵😤🥵😤 near joint. Bleeding 🩸) 10:26 pm pdt on Friendster Brendan had girl friends I think I remember a Carly, collette, and a petite red head Katie who I think he wrote to saying she had moved like mj (probably Michael Jordan?) I think 🤔 I remember Carly put Brendan is a PIMP. Collete seemed to have a past affection (affectionate 11:08 pm pdt ) relationship? With him but they are still friends? Katie looks like she’s unrequited love 💕. 10:29 pm pdt a pimp, huh 🤔? 10:30 pm pdt on spokeo it showed that he lived at least once with a heather. And there might have been a Ryan?? I am trying to recall heather’s astrological sign 🪧. 10:32 pm pdt

11:08 pm pdt when I was 8/9 years old I thought 💭 I got diarrhea from Raisin Bran cereal 🥣 after I tried it again at my dad’s. It took a few days for me to think 🤔 this, but I also observed my dad ate the same cereal 🥣 straight out of the box 📦 with his hands 🙌 in the box 📦 but I didn’t make that connection until years later I think 🤔 about the hands 🙌 to the foods. And now it (brain stabbing pain 😖😭😤🥵😤🥵) it doesn’t matter anymore. 11:13 pm pdt

[sweetswesf]

"I just need benjamins, I don't need NOOOOO friends!"...Check In

I don't really mean that. When I feel lonely, I think about that rap lyric by the masterful poet Roddy Ricch, but, I don't truly feel that way. I do need a community around me, but when I look at the friends I have lost, I toxicly just try to focus on what I have, the friends & family I have, and all God's blessed me with.

What I Did Today

Meal prepped

Exercised

Grocery shopped

FREAKIN' 2 HOURS of dishes! *face palm*

Panicked a little bit after receiving my severance payment, but reminded myself that I'm going to find something I want in a timely manner and not completely run my savings down to 0 like I worry sometime

Wished my grandmother a happy birthday

Told my father not to send me pictures of he, my grandparents, and my little brother at the casino today because it triggered me given the lack of relationship and a lot of hurt that is still there...I'm by myself for yet another year on Thanksgiving for crying out loud...

Was vulnerable about how I felt about the latest text exchanges with my pastor who gave me bad, unsolicited advice on what I SHOULD have done...immediately regretted it opening up and reminded myself to just shut up sometime and stop hoping for people to handle you and your feelings the way you want them to

Had a little cry after receiving a less than pleasant text from my Dad...it was followed by an absolutely encouraging text from a friend

Fantasized about moving out of the country...maybe back to Italy

Pushed myself to cook for myself

Pushed myself to finish an AlgoExpert video on Logarithm

What I Learned Today

I thought about what would happen if I needed to move back; my little brother has PROBABLY graduated, so I would not have a room anywhere if I moved back, and I don't know too many places right now wanting to rent to someone without a job so, I'll stay put...rent MAY go up for me soon...don't know how much...don't want to think about that right now :)

log base 2 is the assumed base in computer science, not 10 as in regular mathematics, and an algo w/O(log(n)) runtime is good because as the input increases, the amount of operations does not increase nearly at the same rate

Feeling

Spent

A little bit shameful/embarrassed

Takeaways

Going to only juice on Saturday or Sunday going forward and for as ½ as much as I usually do to save money & time

My mind wanders a lot, and when it does, and I get anxious, I go to social media for a dopamine boost

How I Got Myself Out of a Rut Today

Just reminding myself that I have so much, it could be worse, how it's going to get so much better for me, and about how strong I am going to become

Found a chili oil I can add to EVERYTHING

A super soft & cold persimmon

The following songs helped:

Fought tears listening to this one

Then let them fall for this song...this song NEVER fails to make me cry...rediscovered it on Mother's Day, and ever since, it's just been a hard song for me to get through, but it hits me where I need it to

Goals Completed

Found a therapist

Stopped listening to people worried about their own circumstances and remembering God works on his own time and that I am in no rush...

Got back on the ball

Being kinder to myself and stopping guilting myself if my energy isn't always on 100%

Goals After Today

Strengthen my relationship with God

Understand the main concepts I need to from Interview Cake, AlgoExpert, etc. in 6 months, NOT less than 3

Drop my body fat percentage to Marion Jones, Michaela Cole, or Jade Cargill levels

Consistently fight urge to fill up my time with social media/YouTube

Fully forgive my family & build a great relationship with them

Be more confident & faithful

250 steps/hour & 10k steps/daily consistently

Drink more than 64oz a day consistently

Go on a date with a guy I actually like who actually likes me too

[rinharu-purple]

Emmm 👉👈 can i request Gavin's spring festival date analysis?! Ehem especially when Gavin said "I've waited a long time for today.." 💙

But Of course if you're not busy.. I'll wait patiently.. I just.. love read your analysis 💙 like i can feel your love and dedication for Gavin.. a lot of Gavin stan is very smart and loyal.. just like Gavin itself

Hello nonny and of course you can! Thank you for your lovely ask and reading my posts. It makes me really happy to hear this 💞 I can also double up what you've said, Our birdcop is smart and loyal and I really love being a part of Gavin-standom which includes so many talented writers, artists, analysts and it has @cheri-translates! There are so many great posts from various accounts and one can feel the love, passion and loyalty towards Gavin in all of them! 💫

An analysis on Spring Festival date is so overdue, so it is me who should apologize for not having written this before. I will more than gladly include your request scene, I hope you enjoy it ^_^

MC Testing Waters: Spring Festival Date

At the beginning of the game, MC is a young woman with lots of love in her heart, however without much experience in love. Fortunately this starts to change when she meets LIs as adults.

Spring Festival Date takes place after Firework Date and before the Romantic Date, although the timeline is quite messy, which I will come to by the end of this analysis.

If you look closely, you can see MC checking Gavin's romantic feelings towards her by using this "boyfriend game" and also uses the opportunity to get beyond his hardened exterior and touch his vulnerable side 💗

Spoilers start below this line

This date comes to, because MC lies to her aunt about having a boyfriend to avoid arranged blind dates and even promises to visit her on New Years with her boyfriend. Speculatively it seemed like a solid play, until...the time literally came.

Thinktanking about a way out of this with Kiki and Willow, they weight different options as to tell them she broke up with him, leave the city or call in sick but then the best wingman on earth Minor saves the way and suggests that she just takes a "fake boyfriend" with her, surely enough with Gavin in his mind.

MC goes through her contacts list to search for a suitable candidate, but her heart Whispers her the answer by skipping a beat as her fingertips scroll down to one name.

... Gavin

As such... MC has chosen her player for the game and Gavin's Heart Trial with MC's family commences...

---Press Start---

Creativity Test

Unluckily Gavin actually shows up for this highly important date late, with his phone off! From the storyline he arrives a couple of minutes late to MC’s aunt's place, thus starting the game one point behind. He was late because he was buying presents for the whole family! With the spot on gifts which are well received by the family because they're expensive, imported goods, limited products, cute and thoughtful he makes up for the lost points.

But it's just the first stage and he has 3 more stages to clear, the pressure is slowly rising.

This gray suit has a lovely story behind it, which you can find by the end of the story.

Decision Test

Gavin has passed the creativity test with flying colors, but in the second stage more challenging questions are on the menu. The eldest aunt wants to know Gavin's age, occupation, salary(?!) and possessions(?!). The last two questions are fairly over the line and is a no-no in my country. Asking people about their financial status as well as bragging about it is perceived as rude and insolent, that's why the way Gavin answers these questions skillfully without bragging about his wealth adds just another brick on my Gavin-temple.

Age: 24

Occupation: Police Officer

Salary: Covers the bills

Possessions: A flat in the city and a motorcycle.

In my Prank date analysis, I've mentioned about Gavin's ability to deal with impertinence and also here, he stays friendly, but only answers the questions necessary to get through with the situation. MCs family is checking whether he's wealthy enough to take care of MC (which is sad that in the 21st century that in some countries women need to be financially secured by men). So Gavin just gives them just the right enough of information to pass the test and pass he does.

There is another aspect to his way of answering though. You see, Gavin is an unmaterialistic man. He doesn't care about money or any other meta. He doesn't touch upon the fact that he's coming from a wealthy family, or that he inherits his grandparents house or that he can afford designer dresses, overseas travels or gems without giving a second thought. That shows just how humble Gavin is and I love him for it. What defines him is not his wealth, nor does he allow anyone define him on his financial status. It's his character, the values he stand for, the vision he embodies, the way he treats MC.. Ehm.. And.. His champion body and drop dead gorgeous looks (comes as an extra;))

But the game is far from over, because the family council is now going to challenge him on...

Affinity Test

This is where things get rosy as the family would like to know how they've met and whether they've been together since high school.

Look, Gavin is actually not playing a game, but living the moment. He is well aware of the fact that once he and MC become an official pair, he will be standing on the same spot a year later. He is serious...

So when they ask about their affection, he gives them his genuine answer and confesses his crush on her during high school and says that they've been going out since fall. This dazzles MC, as if she hasn't been dazzled enough lol.

The three glasses of drink he gulps surely has a role in this sincerity and taking three glasses of a drink as a punishment also becomes a tradition for MC and Gavin in the future.

And so, he proudly passes the Affinity Test with flying colors, effortlessly. Only one more stage and he's done it!

Execution Test

Every hero has his moment, when the fight takes a gloomier turn against his favor and the odds don't look good as before when he gets a strong blow, that is when the family hits him with the question "Don't you get alone well with your family?".

This is Gavin's weak spot, his cryptonite, his bleeding wound and MC's family just pressed on it. What makes this scene so heartbreaking is not just the topic itself and we know why it is a sensitive topic for Gavin but also that Gavin actually tries to signal them that this is not his favorite topic. He tells them he doesn't go home for holidays (friendly warning number 1), the aunties pushes by telling him to take some meal with him to which he replies "Thanks, but that's okay. I've been away for a long time" (friendly warning number 2) the family pushes further and as a one last resort he tells them that during college he rarely went there and spent holidays working afterwards (friendly warning number 3). Sadly the auntie than ignorantly ask whether his family doesn't worry about him and now because he's given three fair warning shots which, he downright gives them a brief and resolute answer:

- No.

That's usually the latest where people with common sense stop digging in further. Unfortunately then the auntie asks whether he doesn't get along well with his family to which Gavin no longer responds. This is the perfect way of dealing with such people and Gavin has a very intuitive talent for dealing different people from different mindsets. Give them three friendly and fair warnings, still pushing? Then give them a last chance by one final brief and to the point answer, they choose to ignore the signal? Stop interacting, you can only waste time beyond this point.

The only problem with this situation here, is that these people are not just somebody, Gavin wants to win these people over, so he cannot just ignore them. But also he cannot do it without a timeout, so he goes to grab some wine. (God it makes me so sorry everytime he has to face his family drama or is misjudged. I just wanna hug him bring him hot cocoa, give him a backrub and bring spicy food for him. Luckily he has MC ^_^)

But let's not talk only about about Gavin, because MC is struggling too. And we should recognize her stick up for him with the most cherishing words:

-Auntie, you got it wrong. He is a decent and pure man and has come to my aid many time and in quite dangerous circumstances.

When she comes back however cannot find Gavin, once she does, a heartwarming moment blooms between them.

This scene is very crucial in Gavin and MC's relationship because this is the first time MC sees Gavin tired and flustered. She feels sad for him but also happy for herself, for she feels as though she gets closer to him, thus seeing the real Gavin. By the way she show him her genuine care, Gavins heart melts and kisses the back of her hand as a gesture and so the first intimate moment involving them having a kiss ensues. Furthermore, they show each other their mutual care, which brings them one step closer and this gives Gavin the only courage he needs to tackle the situation.

When our hero gets the courage and the stamina he need from his girl, nothing can stop him now. Having gatherer his strength, Gavin returns to the dinner table:

“I am so happy to be here with you all today. In fact, I haven't felt this atmosphere of family in a long time. I have a very strict father and a brother I seldom see...I don’t even know when I turned into such a loner. Eating alone, sleeping alone, doing everything alone...until I met her. It was a beautiful autumn day. The gingko leaves were floating in the wind. I was also going through a pretty dark time. But she saved me before I hit bottom...It’s she who told me I could live a stronger life. And it’s also she who told me I could live a more tender life. I never felt lonely before, until I met her. I started to get used to star-gazing with her, having dinner with her, spending the New Year’s with her. In the future, I'll give it my all to stay with her, to take good care of her and love her. I wanna make up many times over for all the times I wasn't there”

MC’s heart stopped, aunties eyes teary, the elder Aunt want his actions to back up these words and thus Gavin has a pass from MC's family. Now that he's won the game, it's time to collect his prize.

After they leave MC's aunt's house, our lovebirds walk together in the night full of fireworks and Gavin tells Mc that Minor has mentored him on being the perfect son-in-law, hence he was late. He also asks her what she would do if he didn't show up, to which she says that her intuition says that he won't fail her and he murmurs quietly:

- I've waited a long time for today.

Of course he doesn't repeats himself when MC asks him about what he just said. But that's what kept him going all night long.

He has waited for six whole years to meet her again, to stand by here, take good care of her and love her. Tonight, he could do them all by being her "boyfriend", giving his word to her family and having their blessings. He could see that she also cares a lot for him, worries about him and wants to be there for him. He landed his lips for the first time on her delicate skin and could give her warmth.

He could finally confess his feelings for her and say the genuine things he will only say to her.

So yes, he has waited for a long time for this moment to come and when it came, he made sure to grab it tightly.

----—----—---

Timeline issues:

- The order of the dates in the game doesn't always reflect the real course of events. The grey suit that Gavin wears is actually bought after Romantic Date, which takes place after this date.

-Even though MC plans this whole game to avert blind dates, but she still gets set up later on a blind date by another aunt lol.

Thank you once again for your patience nonny and I hope that the analysis proves to be worthy of your wait 💗

Masterlist

For MC's confession let me take you here

For Gavin and MCs relationship milestones here

For a fun trivia about this date you can click here

[letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked]

Words On My Skin Chapter 30

Bucky Barnes X Reader (Soulmate AU)

A/N: I guess it takes a quarantine and deadly virus for me to start writing again, huh? LOL! TAGS WILL BE REBLOGGED ON THIS EVENTUALLY! I have like... a whole year of tag requests to sort through! So... Sorry LOL

Warnings: Be gentle... I’m rusty at writing lol

Main Masterlist // WOMS Masterlist

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Y/n: I'm on my way back! Happy is driving me! I'll tell you the details when I get home! I got you a surprise! <3

Bucky: I'm in the room, doing paperwork. Steal one of Steve's granola bars for me, please and thank you and I love you.

Y/n: I'm not taking the fall again if he catches me!

Bucky: He's out with that one blonde chick we don't like.

Y/n: Ew. Why???

Bucky: Why do you think?

Y/n: Ew. She looks like she has crotch crickets. Plus she was a bitch to me last time she was here. I tried to be nice. I think she's in it for his fame... and the D.

Bucky: ...that's disgusting.

Y/n: I'm making him an appointment for an STD check.

Bucky: He's going to kill you.

Y/n: He'll thank me when his dick doesn't fall off

Bucky: He's going to make you do more cardio.

Y/n: ...Okay, yeah, I'll just let his dick fall off. LOL fuck cardio

Bucky: You seemed to enjoy last night's cardio. ;)

Y/n: That was more like naked yoga... with a happy ending! Totally different!

Bucky: We can do naked yoga anytime you want.

Y/n: I'll take naked yoga over cardio all day every day

Bucky: All day every day? ;)

Y/n: Shut up, fool. <3

---------------------------------

Placing your phone back into your purse, you stared out the window, watching the busy streets blend into trees and snow. Stupid snow. You were lost in your own head, thinking about the meeting with your parents. Which had gone... surprisingly well.

Your mother was fairly civil to you - as well as the waitstaff - and your father actually had a serious conversation with you.

It was one of the weirdest days of your life... and you lived with a bunch of superheroes.

Seeing your parents like this, after so many years of loathing, arguing, controlling... You weren't sure where your relationship stood.

Though, it was nice to gain at least a little clarification and get everything out in the open.

They'd apologized for the way they treated you in your youth, as well as the way they treated Bucky. You'd apologized for all the shit you'd said to them before you'd moved away, as well as keeping them pushed away in your adult years. The excuses your mother had for acting like a controlling robot were just... sad. She talked about how your grandmother treated her the same - if not worse. She was the way she was because she wanted you to be better than her. No wonder you've never actually met your grandparents in person. Your mother hated her parents. Almost as much as you'd hated yours... until now.

Now... You just had sympathy. Not that it excused any of the behaviors over the years, but you understood now.

It seemed as if she'd convinced herself that the way that she raised you made you the positive person that you were, today. Which was true to some extent. It was recovering from the way you were raised that made you the person you were today. You may have been comfortable with money, but money wasn't everything behind closed doors. Money didn't solve the problems that you'd dealt with in your youth. In fact, it was living the stereotype of a rich family that had caused the majority of your problems. It was the cold, brash emotions modeled by your parents that made you want to be different. The controlled diets, the need to hide emotions and compartmentalize, the forced dating, the fights, the lying, the fake public image... it was dealing with those things after you'd escaped it that made you the person you are today.

Personal growth, and all that jazz.

After the emotional bit of the dinner, you'd actually enjoyed yourself. Your parents asked you about your job, the first day you met Bucky, college, your friends, and everything else they hadn't been a part of for the last decade or so.

They told you about their trip to Paris, where your mother had tripped over a crack in the pavement and they spent half the day in the emergency room so she could get stitches. They told you about how they got their entire office to donate a large sum of money to Bucky's charity that he had been running. They told you about the day that they realized that they needed a change of scenery from California.

It was almost... normal.

If you even knew what normal was.

"Y/n?" You heard Happy's muffled voice, followed by a light tapping on the cool window. He hadn't opened the car door, because your head was leaned against it. "You ready to rock and roll?"

"You're such a dad." You giggled, grabbing your purse and leftovers as he opened the door for you, "Speaking of dads, are you going to become Peter's step-"

"I DON'T-" He paused, taking a breath through his nose and blowing it out of his mouth, "I don't want to talk about that."

"Happy and Mae, sitting in a tree..." You sang, grinning as you skipped past him, "K-I-S-S-I-N-G."

"You're such a child." He rolled his eyes, slamming your door closed and walking to the driver's door.

"You love me, anyways." You pulled open the front door to the compound, leaving Happy to bring the car over to the garage.

You removed your coat the moment you stepped into the heated building, throwing it over your arm and hiding the bag of leftovers and Bucky's surprise. Glancing around, you saw the lobby was nearly empty, save for a few agents using the lobby to cut to the other wing.

Glancing over to the front desk, a grin spread over your face as you took in the sight in front of you.

Caleb was snoring loudly, mouth hanging open, head tipped back, and his feet up on the desk. The book you'd given him for his birthday was open, resting on his stomach like he had fallen asleep reading in his chair.

"FRIDAY, can you please do me a favor and record this please?" You whispered into your watch, sneaking over to the sleeping agent. "Send it to my tablet when it's done."

You were glad you wore flats instead of heels, so your shoes made no noise against the hard floors as you snuck behind the desk. You kept out of swinging distance, grabbing a clipboard off his desk and readying yourself for whatever happened.

"CALEB, WAKE UP!" You screamed loudly, slamming the clipboard repeatedly on the desk. "CALEB, THE SKY IS FALLING!"

He let out a loud shout, limbs flailing around, and chair tipping backwards. "I WASN'T SLEEPING." The obnoxious laugh you let out made his face scrunch up in confusion from the floor, "Y/n?" He glanced around, springing up gracefully and surveying the empty lobby before sending you a glare, "Rude."

You couldn't reply, leaning against the desk and tossing the clipboard in front of him, hysterical laughter echoing through the nearly-empty lobby. "I- You- Oh- Dying." You wheezed, trying to calm your laughter before you peed yourself, wiping the tears from under your eyes, "Oh my god."

"I'm glad my fear brings you such joy, you awful human being." Caleb grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back in his chair, "I hate you so much right now."

"I brought you dessert." You replied, finally able to pull your shit together, grabbing a box out of the big bag you were carrying. "It's chocolate and peanut butter cheesecake."

"I hate you less, now. You are forgiven." He lunged forward, a large smile on his face. "Gimme', gimme', gimme'."

You handed him the box, shaking your head and glancing at your watch, "I'm beat. I'm gunna' head up."

"Your soulmate is an asshole, by the way." Caleb informed you, mouth full of cheesecake, "He kept telling me he's going to get Claire an obscene amount of slime for Christmas." He glanced up at you with narrow eyes, "I'll hurt all of you if you get her slime, or anything else with loose glitter. My kitchen table is ruined."

"I cannot confirm nor deny that we got her slime for christmas." You shouted, jogging towards the elevator. "Love youuuuu."

"Fuck youuuuu." He sang back at you, as you disappeared from sight.

"My floor, please, FRIDAY." You requested as the doors to the elevator opened and you got in, "Is Bucky in his room?"

"Yes, Ma'am." FRIDAY replied.

Leaning against the wall, you inhaled deeply through your nose - trying to dispel any weird feelings in your gut. Ever since you'd left dinner with your parents, your shoulders felt lighter... but there was a sense of unease in your belly. You'd never expected in a million years that you'd actually have a relationship with your parents where they communicated with you in a semi-healthy way.

Was this real life?

Honestly, it felt like you were in a simulation or something.

Nothing felt normal anymore.

When the lift doors opened, a wave of delicious smells hit your nose - and you followed the scent to the kitchen, calling out, "Who's cooking delicious-smelling food?"

"That'd be me." Sam called, head in the fridge as he searched for something in the back, "Where the fuck did my strawberries go?"

"That'd be your not-so-little buddy Steve." You chuckled, watching as Sam glared at the fridge before moving back to the stove in a huff. It was actually Bucky, but you weren't about to snitch on your soulmate. "What are you making?"

"God dammit." He grumbled, stirring whatever was in the giant pot, "I'm getting a mini fridge in my room. This 'sharing' business is pissing me off."

"Sam. Food."

He turned to you with a grin, "Momma Wilson's famous lasagna soup."

"They make lasagna in soup form?" You frowned, walking over to the stove to inspect, confirming the fact that he had - indeed - made soup out of lasagna ingredients. It was confirmed by the broken-up lasagna noodles floating up to the surface, and the red sauce littered with spices. God, that smelled good... "Where'd your mom come up with this, and can I have the recipe?"

"Nope. Special made by only me." He shook his head, shooing you away with the spoon. "Go away. You already ate."

There goes getting the granola bar... Sam would totally snitch.

"Save me some for later?" You stuck out your lip in a pout, giving him your best innocent face.

He rolled his eyes, turning away from you and stirring his soup, "We'll see."

You giggled, turning away and walking towards the living quarters with a pep in your step, "I appreciate you."

"Yeah, yeah." You heard him grumble, "Since you do my paperwork..."

"And I do a fabulous job!" You called in sing-song, rounding the corner into the hallway and feeling giddy about bringing Bucky his surprise.

He'd been talking about how he'd been craving French Silk Pie, and you just so happened to spot a few slices left at the restaurant. The manager had recognized you from the photo of you and Bucky at the sushi restaurant and seeing you in that interview, and had offered to slip in a few extra slices of pie for next to nothing... so you'd taken a page from Bucky's book and tipped the staff an obscene amount.

Bucky was going to shit when he saw how many pieces of pie you were coming back with.

"FRIDAY can you unlock the door for me, please?" You called out quietly, listening to the door click as it unlocked. "Thank you." As you pushed open the door, you spotted your handsome soulmate sitting at his desk, sharpening a knife carefully. "You planning on murdering me with that, or what?"

"Ha-Ha. Very funny." He deadpanned, eyes trained on the knife as he examined it, "If I was going to murder you, stabbing you to death would be too messy."

"Comforting." You chuckled, shutting the door behind you and hanging your coat on the back of the door and laying the plastic bag full of food on his bed. You reached behind you to unzip your dress, heading over to his closet to grab a shirt to lounge around in. "I buy you a delicious treat, and you plot my murder."

"If it makes you feel better, I'm also looking at files for the new recruits." He replied, voice sounding really far away. "Jennings looks promising."

You frowned, pulling his shirt over your head. Trying to feel him out through the bond. He seemed... neutral. It was weird. Not upset, but also not happy. Peeking around the corner, trying to be sneaky, you watched him as he read through another recruit file flipping the knife around skillfully. He didn't look tense. He also didn't look like he was concentrating on the file, either.

"Why are you staring at me?" He asked suddenly, not turning around. His hair looked messy, like he'd been running his hand through it.

"Why are you being weird?" You asked, walking over to the bed and grabbing one of the small to-go boxes out of the bag. Setting it on his desk with a plastic fork, you leaned down and wrapped your arms around him from behind - resting your chin on his shoulder. "I got you french silk pie."

He turned his head, pressing a small kiss on your bare arm. "Thanks, sweetheart."

You didn't think you could frown any further, but you were wrong.

He was totally being weird.

"Okay, okay." You moved away from him, sitting on the edge of his bed and grabbing one of the pie slices. "What's wrong with you? What are you hiding from me? You're too... neutral."

"Nothing's wrong with me." He replied, not turning around. "I'm not hiding anything."

Bullshit!

"Lies." You sang out, digging into your piece of pie. "Can't bullshit a bullshitter. Especially when she's connected to you emotionally through a magical soulmate bond." You shoved a bite into your mouth, realizing that you'd grabbed one of the apple pie slices. A pang of annoyance nudged you in the chest, and you rolled your eyes, "You can be annoyed all you want, but that's not telling me what's up with you."

He sighed, leaning his head back for a moment, before spinning around in his chair and giving you a look of annoyance. "If I tell you, will you let up?"

"Maybe." You smirked, taking another bite of pie.

"I..." He looked down, picking at one of the plates in his hand - a nervous tick. "I talked to Tony, today."

Oh.

Oh shit.

You hoped it was a productive conversation. It had to have been, if Bucky wasn't upset. Then again, he was attempting to hide his feelings from you. Maybe it wasn't, and he didn't want to tell you?

You set your dessert down on the bed, leaning forward in interest, "And...?"

"He..." Bucky cleared his throat, not looking at you. "He wants to have us see Dr. Collins." He finally looked up at you, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Together."

You smiled, relief washing through you. This was good. If they saw Dr. Collins together, they might get to the root of their issues in a positive way that didn't include destroying the building... one can hope.

So why did Bucky look like someone pissed in his coffee?

"This is good, right?" You asked, confused. "Progress?"

"Yeah." He mumbled, looking back down at the dark, metal plates in his hand. "I guess."

"But...?"

"But-" His leg started bouncing up and down, and you could feel the nervous energy outside of the bond. "I'm a little... afraid about..." He sighed, shaking his head and closing his beautiful blue eyes, "I don't know. Doing all this-" He seemed to be struggling for the right words. "-opening up."

You nodded along as he paused, waiting for him to continue.

"What if... what if he still hates me in the end?" He rushed out, leg still bouncing. "I'm just... I'm so sick of people hating me for something I did when I was... him." He stood up, beginning to pace back and forth, and you had a feeling that he was about to explode. "I'm trying so hard. SO HARD. I..." He stopped, rubbing his hands over his face in frustration. "I just... I hate what he did. I hate this. I don't want to go through all of this just for Tony to still hate me in the end."

He sat back down in his chair, hand running through his growing hair and leaning his elbows on his knees, "I'm just... I don't like this nervous feeling. That's why I was trying to hide my feelings. Because... I don't want to feel them." He looks back up at you, blue eyes full of sadness that hurt your heart. "Sometimes I feel like it's easier being him. He doesn't feel anything, and I barely remember half the shit he did."

"Bucky..." You sighed, standing up and moving to sit on his lap, wrapping your arms around his middle and leaning the side of your head against his shoulder. "It's understandable that you don't want to feel the hard feelings. They suck ass." He snorted at your words, arms wrapping around you, but you kept going, "But you're human. Even if you're a supersoldier with some crazy serum running through your veins, you're human. Feelings make you human. Feelings make you Bucky, instead of him." You looked up at him, as his arms tightened around you. "I'm not going to pretend I'm Dr. Collins and say something irritatingly profound, but... I think you know exactly what Dr. Collins would say."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." He sighed, pressing his face into the top of your head - warm breath sending a shiver down your spine. "He's annoying."

"He may be annoying, but he knows what's up." You chuckled, turning your head so you were looking into his icy eyes, "You know I love you, right?"

"Yeah, I know." He smiled, crinkles forming at the corners of his eyes, "I love you, too."

Shifting around, you moved so your arms were wrapped around his shoulders and your face was level with his, "I brought you french silk pie."

"You spoil me." He grinned, arms around your middle, "How'd your dinner with your parents go?"

You grimaced, rolling your eyes, "It was weird. It kind of feels like those two hours were a dream. I don't believe that my parents actually had a real conversation with me." He raised an eyebrow at you and you huffed out a sigh, "Yeah. Yeah. I'm happy. I'm glad that we can finally talk, but... it's just weird. I don't really know how to process it."

"Finally going to be one big, happy family, huh?" He laughed, poking you in the side. "Like The Brady Bunch?"

"First of all, when the hell did you have time to watch The Brady Bunch without me?" You narrowed your eyes at him, raising a brow in question, "Second of all, there's only three of us."

"I didn't watch it," He rolled his eyes, shaking his head at you before standing and setting you on the bed, turning around and grabbing his container of pie, "I read about it."

"STOP DOING THAT!!" You whined in annoyance, throwing a chunk of your apple pie at him. Oh my god, if he kept fucking doing that... "You need to actually watch these things! Stop reading the plot on Wikipedia! It's not the same!"

"I read faster than I watch!" He took a huge bite of his pie, crumbs falling onto the floor. "I can read the plot in a fourth of the time it would take to watch the whole thing." After another obnoxiously large bite of his pie, he set the container back on the desk, moving towards the bed, "If I try and catch up on all the shows and movies I missed over the last century, I'll be biologically ninety before I'm caught up."

As he moved the bag of containers to the floor, you held the slice of apple pie closer to your chest, "I'm not sharing my pie." You took another bite of the sweet pie, the taste of cinnamon on your tongue. He kept moving closer, and you turned your body away from him holding the pie away from him, "NO! You can't have my pie! You have your own!"

"If you don't put it on the nightstand it's going to be in the bed." He warned, an evil look in his eye. "I'm giving you three seconds."

You yelped, attempting to scarf down the obscenely large and sweet piece of pie as fast as you could.

"Three."

You scrambled away from him, but his arm wrapped around your middle as you continued to shovel the food in your face.

"Two."

"NO!!! I'm TRYING!" You giggled, tossing the fork onto the floor, but unable to reach the nightstand with the container full of whipped cream and a large chunk of pie still sticking in the container. You shrieked out a laugh as he tackled you into the bed, the slice of pie completely smearing all over your face and hair. "BUCKY!!"

"One."

--------------

Part 31 ...coming soon to a Tumblr near you.

[ladecena]

FELICITY🦋

“She is not a painter but she drew many lines on her wrist. Slowly the red liquid flows from the lines of varying lengths. She is not afraid. Her tears were dripping on the floor.” Our lives are full of many colors. But why on some pages of my life, I cannot see any color. With so many people in this world, why do I seem to be alone? “She’s just acting!” “It’s only on her mind!” “She just wants pity!” “She only wants attention!” words I hear from them. It is just a simple mental illness for some people, but they do not know that it can cause the taking of a life.

My parents named me Felicity. It means ‘happiness’. That’s why I grew up as a happy child, they called me “Ligaya”. I have 6 siblings and I am the eldest. Five of us will go to private school and my other two siblings are still young. I am currently studying in a private school, 3rd-year College, and the course I took was Bachelor of Arts in Communication. My mother is a teacher while my father works for a well-known company.  They try their best to get us to go to a good school. But we can hardly be with them for long because they are so busy but we remain happy and in love. I mostly take care of my little siblings. As the eldest, I often did the household chores such as cooking, washing, and so on. When mama is not at work, I help her do the laundry. But it’s not always fun and abundant, the year has come that will test us and others.

 There was a pandemic that tested everyone. Many lost their jobs, businesses went bankrupt and closed, and some students did not continue their studies due to the lack of gadgets to use for online classes. My mother lost her job because not everyone was allowed to continue teaching. We were deeply affected by this news. Also, my father lost the job that our family hoped for because the company he worked for went bankrupt. So almost all the money we saved was spent little by little. My younger siblings need to transfer to a public school. We no longer know where we can get the money to earn. My mom tried to sell a lot of clothes but she was scammed and went bankrupt. That’s why we were in debt then. And there’s a lot of problems that have come to us. My third brother Mark became Covid positive and had to be taken to the hospital alone. I knew he could get through it because Mark was brave and strong like me.

 Meanwhile, we were quarantined for the safety of our family. We had almost nothing to eat so we sold everything we had just to make money. My mom lost weight because she always wondered to Mark how he was doing. I also started to lose interest in everything.  I don’t know what’s happening to me, there are nights that I suddenly cry and I always want to be in my room. My parents worry about me every day and they ask me what my problem is but I can’t answer them. I just want to be alone. I can’t do my paperwork at school anymore. I couldn’t even talk or tell them things that ran through my mind. Even my friends at school or even my siblings can’t express my feelings because I’m afraid of being judged. After all, I’m too confused. I couldn’t smile anymore, I was always in my room. On social media, I can bring out all my problems at school and home. But no one even asked me how I was? Or what is happening to me? Only my parents worry about me but I don’t want them to think about me. Add to my thoughts are people who say I’m just acting or that I just want attention. Don’t they know how I feel? There are days when I just want to commit suicide. I ask God why I need to experience all of this. Sometimes I blame God for all the things that happened to me and my family. One day, while my father was busy arranging for Mark’s belongings to be taken to the hospital, he read bad news on his cellphone that Mark was gone, my beloved brother was gone. We never saw Mark again, we only saw his ashes. My parents can’t accept what happened. They had to go to my grandpa and grandma’s house to borrow money for the bills left over from Mark’s hospitalization. I need to get out of my room and fight my thoughts and feelings to help them. While I was cooking, someone called me and said that my parents had an accident. I don’t know how I feel, I was suddenly stunned and I don’t know what to do. I immediately went to the hospital where they were and I told Joy to take care of our younger siblings. When I arrived at the hospital, the guards would not let me in because they were restrictive and needed to follow some protocol, but I needed to know what the condition of my parents was. Later, a doctor came out and I immediately talked to him. I asked him how my parents were doing. They said that they tried to save my father but it’s all too late. While my mother is comatose and needs a large amount of money for my dad’s funeral and my mom’s hospital bills. 

I feel so much pain because I don’t know what to do for my parents. I immediately went to my grandparent’s house to tell them the bad news and asked for help. I first took my siblings there so that someone would watch over them while I took care of my father’s funeral. Because of the pandemic, it is not possible to have a long hill. So my father was buried for only two days. We borrowed some money from the relatives of my dad abroad.

While I was walking to the hospital I didn’t realize that it was raining so I went to the church near the hospital. As I walked to the altar approaching Him, my tears flowed as I stared at Him and said what else we had to go through. And I couldn’t help but scream in pain “What else do you want to take from me? You took all the things that I have! You took Mark and my dad, that’s enough! ” I have lost two important people in my life and my mother is almost dying. I have approached a lot of people but none of them attempt to help us. So I had to find a job because I was afraid of losing my mother too. So I fight everything in my mind. But because of the pandemic, it’s a hard time for me to find a job, especially restricting everything because of the virus. So I just worked in the cafeteria near our house. 

My mom hasn’t woken up for almost two weeks and her hospital bill has been going up. After work, I’ll just take a look at my siblings and my grandparents. Every time I went there, my siblings ignored me because they were angry with me, they said I couldn’t do anything for mama as I was the eldest. But they don’t know how much I want to help our mother. I felt even more that I was alone in the world. While I was working in the cafeteria, my boss suddenly shouted at me because I was stunned.  I just entered the comfort room because I was so embarrassed. I saw something sharp when I was inside and I don’t know why I thought of hurting myself. As my tears flowed as well as blood dripped from my arm. I just woke up lying in the hospital. When I woke up I saw Erika, my youngest sister. I tried to get up to go to her but the nurses stopped me and said that my youngest sister was also positive for the virus as well as my sister Joy. As the nurse told me about the condition of my siblings I don’t know how I will feel. 

As I was stunned an old man approached me and spoke to me. He asked me why I tried to commit suicide. But I couldn’t answer his question because I also didn’t know the answer. He also asked me if I believed in God and I suddenly looked at him and just nodded. “If you believe that there is a God, why do you want to disappear from this world? Why would you give up? ” You know many of us only know God as our savior but most of us only know Him when we need something. But the commitment and faith in Him is nothing. They just know God but don’t have a deep relationship with him. And that is one of the reasons why we give up immediately. I saw a lot of your problems and yes it’s hard but you have to be resilient and you have to surrender everything to Him. Just wait for His great plans for you. Sometimes we tend to forget what God’s value is when we already have everything we want and at the end of the day, we will come to Him again when we don’t have those things anymore. It is important that you put your full trust in Him and that we accept Him wholeheartedly. ” As that man says all those words, my tears continue to fall, and I realize that man is right. I should not blame the Lord for what happens to me and my family today. I may lose something in my life but I know that there will come a good and new hope in my life after all. When the old man left I immediately looked up in the sky and apologized to Him. God sent that old man so that I could realize the value of life and the value of God in our lives. And since I trusted in the Lord’s plan for my life, my prayers began to be heard. My mother woke up and papa’s rich friend helped us to get mama out of the hospital. My siblings and I became negative and I already had a job and I was able to provide for our daily needs. Lastly, we live happily and we know that God is always with us, protecting us and guiding us. I am now aware that God is always in control and He always provides for our needs.

- matahom👄

June 09, 2021

[malikmata]

Notes from a Brown Boy - Kansas Diaries

*Author’s Note: Some people’s names have been changed to protect their identities

The rain was the first thing to greet me when I landed in Wichita. Overhead the gray clouds loomed, shadowing the farmland that yawned in the distance. Distance. At first glance, the city seemed like one long stretch of prairies and cracked parking lots, occasionally punctuated by billboards of grinning injury lawyers and lit up restaurant road signs.

If you spend enough time here amid the crumbling old buildings, watching the weeds sway in the vacant lots, you’ll feel the slow, inevitable creep of dread or something like it.

It’s easy to feel lonely here.

But, if you’re receptive enough, you’ll run into many friendly folks. Sometimes too friendly.

For example: During my first week, I went to Freddy’s, a local fast food chain, and ordered a crispy chicken sandwich with fries. The cashier, a young woman with glasses and short blonde hair, suddenly started confessing her fear that her 8-year old chihuahua wouldn’t live a long life.

“I still think of him as a teenager,” she said.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “He’s a chihuahua. They live long lives.”

Out here, in the most middle-of-the-road cities, you sometimes get a chance to show an act of passing kindness. While waiting in line at one of the hip, new cafes downtown, a place called Milkfloat, a tall elderly gentleman recommended which coffee and pastry to get.

“My wife says this place has the best cold brew in town.” Afterwards, grabbing his pastry and coffee, he wished me a good day. Most folks here always do and you better hope it comes true. Because here, like elsewhere, a day is filled with ordinary heartbreaks.

I will simply call her “Tita.” She works as a tailor at a department store, the only tailor working there, hemming and tapering racks full of suit pants under fluorescent lights. The nature of the job requires exact measurements and a keen eye for detail. She works hard, often skips lunch, and comes home dead tired. Her husband is recovering from 4 broken ribs after a car repair job went awry. Nothing can be done but wait until he gets better.

They live in a languid suburb on Wichita’s east side, a street with few sidewalks but plenty of lawn.

And noise. Plenty of noise. The neighborhood sits next to a car dealership. The skies overhead rumble continuously with airplanes and thunderstorms. Dogs bark at anyone who gets too close. A pickup truck blasts a corny country song as the cicadas and frogs belt out their lonely mating calls. Occasionally, a child’s laughter rises above it all.

Gossip is one of the great pastimes in towns like these. Even if you shut yourself up in your home, stories trickle in.

The neighbor across the street shot himself in the head.

The elderly couple that used to live next door got committed to a nursing home.

A fellow around the corner is on his third attempt to grow weed.

A college student starves himself morning to night so that he can save money for college.

Down the street, a kid lifts weights and punches the heavy bag hanging on his front porch.

Here, dumb luck seems, more so than in the big cities, the providence of God.

A man told me he got a job installing new carpets at a friend’s house. He was in desperate need of money, having sent most of it to his mother back home, who proceeded to gamble it away. When he ripped out the old carpet, he found a bundle of $10,000 dollars just lying there. His co-worker said, “We should split it.”

“No, no, we can’t take it.” the man said. He gave the money to his friend.

Sometime later, he went to the casino and couldn’t stop winning jackpot after jackpot. He brought home close to $16,000 in one night.

“So, if you do something good,” he told me, “God will remember that.”

Many people have come to live and die here, all of them wrapped up in the melancholic churning of faded ambitions and familial obligations.

Some people here have found something that returns them to the placidity they once felt in their youth. Sometimes that’s enough to keep them going.

For example:

I met Phil Uhlik, the namesake of the music store on E Douglas. He heard me playing an old Martin acoustic in one of the rooms. He shuffled in slightly hunched over, wearing a blue paisley shirt and brown shorts. He looked at the sunburst guitar in my hands and said, “It’s got a little beauty mark there.” He pointed to a small nick just above the sound hole. “All girls have beauty marks.” He pointed to his cheeks and smiled.

Uhlik started this music store 51 years ago and enjoys every moment of it.

“When you go to work for Boeing, that’s work,” he said. “But this, it doesn’t feel like work.” He motioned to the instruments all around him.

“How’d you get started?” I asked.

“I started off playing one of these,” he said, taking one of the accordions off a nearby shelf. As he strapped it on, all the years seemed to disappear. With a big crooked-teeth grin, he breathed life into the old accordion, his hands dancing up and down the keys. The smile never left his face as we bid farewell to each other.

I wish everyone in this world were as lucky as Phil.

I’m always seeking indie bookstores when I travel. Eighth Day Books provides much needed shelter from the summer heat. The shop was built 33 years ago and used to be located about half a mile east, in Clifton Square Village. About 17 years ago they moved to their current location, a 1920 Dutch-style colonial house on the corner of E Douglas and N Erie. Its blue trimmed windows peek through the foliage of neighboring trees.

When you walk in, you’ll see shelves of books on Christianity and Theological studies, most notably in the Eastern Orthodox tradition. I’ve never seen a bookshop with a section dedicated to Iconography.

Wichita, despite its size, feels like a small place. And with that cramped spaciousness, you’re likely to run into someone you may remember or who may remember you. Here I ran into my girlfriend’s 8th grade English teacher. A bald, bespectacled man with a gentle demeanor. After a bit of catching up, he said to us with a smile, “I hope all your dreams come true.”

The short story writer, Raymond Carver, once wrote: “Dreams… are what you wake up from.”

Wichita is a land that hypnotizes you; it makes you dream, dream of something beyond the miles of strip malls and airplane factories, beyond the shocks of wheat and windswept plains, beyond the doldrums and ennui. But it also shakes you awake, reminds you that you’re in it, that you better stop dreaming.

I’m not the religious sort anymore, having survived the regime laid down by my Catholic parents. But there is something enthralling, maybe even inspirational, when I look at the rows of beautifully painted portraits of saints and martyrs. Such solemn faces surrounded by golden halos. According to the Eastern Orthodox tradition, such paintings transcend art; they’re supposed to be windows through which you can glimpse the divine. They remind me of my grandparents with their judging eyes and moral seriousness.

My book haul for the day:

Snow Country by Yasunari Kawabata

The Diary of Anne Frank

Earthly Signs: Moscow Diaries by Marina Tsvetaeva

Near to the Wild Heart by Clarice Lispector

In that last book, I found this lovely little passage:

…”in the Revolution, as always, the weight of everyday life falls on women: previously--in sheaves, now in sacks. Everyday life is a sack with holes. And you carry it anyway.”

From Earthly Signs, P. 40

According to the 2019 United States census bureau, 15.9% of Wichita's population lives below the poverty line. That’s higher than the state average, which hovers around 11.4%. That’s not the lowest nor is it the highest in the country. As befitting its location, Kansas is right in the middle.

The minimum wage in Kansas is still $7.25 despite efforts to increase it to $15. When Covid-19 hit, city and service workers bore the brunt of the impact. You can keep all your empty slogans like  “We Love Our Frontline Workers.” Congratulate me all you want for my hard work but where’s my pay?

When you see that business here has returned to normal--people freely walking around without masks, no longer socially distancing--it still feels all too strange; we spent an entire year under lockdown. There’s still a pandemic by the way.

Loved ones fell ill, died alone, hooked up to ventilators in closed off hospital rooms. I believe every interaction now carries the weight of all those deaths. My family, like so many others, didn’t escape unscathed from the pandemic. My grandpa, Amang, caught Covid. Since he was an elderly citizen (and suffering from emphysema to boot), he was among those considered most at risk. We all feared the worst. Somehow he survived. The doctors called him a “trailblazer.”

Now, with businesses back to 100% capacity, I’m afraid that, just like the 1918 Flu epidemic, the past will fade like a nightmare upon waking. But it was so much more than that; it was an avoidable tragedy.

If you want to know what this pandemic has done to people and their livelihoods, is still doing to them, take a ride through downtown.

Things were already going bad before Covid hit. Back in 2004, the writer Thomas Frank wrote,

“There were so many closed shops in Wichita… that you could drive for blocks without ever leaving their empty parking lots, running parallel to the city streets past the shut-down sporting goods stores and toy stores and farm implement stores.”

What’s the Matter with Kansas: How Conservatives Won the Heart of America, P. 75

What led to all this blight? Frank attributes the decline to:

“the conservatives’ beloved free market capitalism, a system that, at its most unrestrained, has little use for smalltown merchants or the agricultural system that supported the small towns in the first place.”

-P. 79

The same story happens in a lot of places. A megacorporation keeps eating everything around it and leaves nothing else at the table.

The people are left hurting, a pit in their stomachs, and some asshole somewhere profits off of it.

While at the DMV, I overheard this:

“You have a good day now,” the security guard said.

“I’ll try my best,” a woman said.

My girlfriend heard them too and laughed.

“You really do have to try your best in order to have a good day here.”

At some point, we hit the town with a couple friends: Monica, and her boyfriend Will. Both are musicians trying to carve out their niche in a place that, on the surface, seems apathetic to creative pursuits.

It’s impossible to not be captured by their energy. As soon as we walk into their house, Monica, with her dark blonde hair draped over her shoulders, reached in for a hug. Will, a tall and bearded fellow with a bear-like presence, also went in for the hug.

“Ready to experience some Wichita nightlife?” Monica asked.

What is the nightlife here like? A group of high school punks wanted to fight us over a couple movie theater seats. Bored kids play rounds of “Chinese Fire Drill” at stop lights. I heard a nazi biker gang rolled into town at some point during my stay. Regular things like that.

At a low-key bar downtown called Luckys, I met a guy named Cory. He told me how he met a 15 year old kid loitering here, looking lost and forlorn.

“I don’t know what kind of advice I can give you but I’ll do the best I can,” Cory said.

This is the spirit I’ve often come across during my stay: A sort of slightly intrusive compassion. For a cynical Californian like me, the behavior seems a little strange, maybe even a little annoying. But I’ve come to appreciate the candor of it.

“Guaranteed we’ll know half the people here,” Will said.

Right away, he shook hands with the bartender—a high school friend of his—and asked him how his band was doing. Afterwards, we sat down and talked. Talking, after a year of pandemic lockdown, has become a lost art to me. But a little alcohol loosened the lips and suddenly I talked as though I’d known these people my whole life.

Will sipped his whisky on the rocks and told me:

“If everything in this world is meant to break down eventually, then any act of creation becomes an act of defiance.”

It may sound naive but to me, it’s true. I think about the words of the writer, John Berger:

Compassion defies the laws of necessity. To forget yourself and identify with a stranger has a power that defies the supposed natural order of things.

--The Shape of a Pocket, P. 179

Making art has to be, in some way, a compassion act, because it involves letting the environment and the people you meet speak for themselves, allowing a collaboration.

“When a painting is lifeless it is the result of the painter not having the nerve to get close enough for a collaboration to start… Every authentic painting demonstrates a collaboration.”

--The Shape of a Pocket, P. 16

You need to open yourself up, feel what someone is saying behind their words, and hopefully, feel what they feel.

Art, like Compassion, is defiant.

Among the 4 or so Asian markets here, you can find all the ingredients you need to cook up something good. During my first week, I stopped at a place called Grace Market. Like a lot of small Asian markets, it’s family run. A father from Taiwan. A mother from Korea. The son usually helps out when he can. Today (June 23), On this warm Wednesday morning, the son is manning the cash register.

“You’re from California? I’m from there too,” he said.

“Where at?” I asked.

“Sacramento. How about you? So Cal?”

“Nah, Bay Area.”

“Funny. That’s where my parents met.”

“Small world.”

On a different day, we met the father, a jovial man who never fails to say hi when you walk in. He came here over a couple decades ago from California, doing work for the US Army in Garden City. Once his service was over, he decided to stay in Kansas.

“I think you know why,” he said.

More and more young folks these days are leaving California. The high cost of living is presumably what’s driving this exodus. I told him I was also thinking of leaving the Golden State, as much as I love the place.

“Well, a town like this has a lot of potential if you want to save money,” he said. “If I tried to start this business in California, I don’t think I could’ve done it.”

The summer heat can, with the suddenness of a lightning flash, give way to thunderous storms. Speaking as someone from California, whose home has gone through excruciating periods of drought and wildfire, these nightly downpours are a startling yet relaxing sight.

The distant boom of thunder in the distance reminds you of how much of our lives depend on the weather, how small we are in comparison, how we are never separate from the goings-on of nature. The rain doesn’t come down lightly here. At night, it smacks and drums against the window pane with all the force of an animal trying to get inside.

But I don’t find myself frightened by it so much as awed by the combined power of wind and rain colliding against our rickety old house.

Kansas lies in the Great Plains, where layers of cool and warm air often combine into a low-level jet stream. Unimpeded by any natural obstacles on the wide flat plains, the wind roars across the expanse. Thunder growls over the prairie. And lightning flashes on the horizon in a fearsome red tinge.

The storm rages throughout the night, the only source of light in an ocean-sized plain.

“In general, the gods of the Wichita are spoken of as "dreams," and they are divided into four groups: Dreams-that-are-Above (Itskasanakatadiwaha), or, as the Skidi would say, the heavenly gods; and (2) Dreams-down-Here (Howwitsnetskasade), which, according to the Skidi terminology, are the earthly gods. The latter "dreams" in turn are divided into two groups: Dreams-living-in-Water (Itska-sanidwaha), and the Dreams-closest-to-Man (Tedetskasade)”

From The Mythology of the Wichita, P. 33

If you go downtown, you’ll see a sculpture called “The Keeper of the Plains.”

It’s almost 9 o’ clock when I get there, so large crowds have gathered to watch the ring of fire lit around its perimeter.

The statue was designed by indigenous artist and craftsman, Blackbear Bosin. Born in Cyril, Oklahoma, but living much of his adult life in Wichita, Kansas, Bosin was of Comanche and Kiowa descent and almost entirely self-taught as an artist.

When you come upon the Keeper of the Plains, standing tall on the fork of the Arkansas and Little Arkansas Rivers, you can’t help but feel a mix of admiration and sadness. It’s a striking statue, especially when set against the beautiful orange and lavender hues of the setting sun. But monuments like these end up reminding you of the Wichita peoples who were killed, displaced, driven from their land, and left to die in reservations, forgotten. The tribes that once lived here along the southern plains still show traces of their culture but now, you’ll see it mostly as a memory in a museum or as art hanging on the walls of a library.

I learned from a video by the Wichita Eagle that the last speaker of the Wichita language, Doris Jean Lamar, died back in 2016. It must be indescribably lonely to be the last speaker of a language. There is no one to have a conversation with, no one to whom you can confess your hopes or your regrets. But in the video, Lamar, even knowing that she is the last speaker, expresses hope that future generations will know what the language sounded like.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ScPkN_xGRI

Is forgiveness even possible when injustices are still committed today against native peoples everywhere?

Not enough can be said about the skies here, which seem at times so brilliantly marbled with peach and lavender colors that you begin to walk with your head perpetually craned upwards.

It’s this aspect, the overwhelming sense of the sublime, that will probably stay with me long after I’ve left Kansas.

I think again about the nature of dreams. It isn’t such a sin to dream about things, about things that haven’t happened yet, and about things that have happened. To quit dreaming seems too cynical, like admitting from the outset that everything is screwed, that you should stop trying.

During my stay here, I’ve met many people who aren’t so irony poisoned yet, people who are achingly sincere and kind. They haven’t stopped trying. There isn’t much room for cynicism here. I appreciate that a lot.

Farewell to you, Kansas, you and your clumps of cumulus and vast fields of cows and grass. I’ll see you again.

Check out Will’s music! It’s gloomy, melancholy, and LOUD!: https://teamtremolo.bandcamp.com/album/intruder

[foilfreak]

Headcannons for my favorite One Punch Man rarepair: Golden Ball x Spring Mustachio

Both joined the Hero Association around the same time and knew of each other in passing, due to living in the same city, but didn’t officially meet until about 8 months in, and as a result of that, these two did NOT like each other at all during those first 8 months. Spring Mustachio thought Golden Ball was just another crass and reckless delinquent using heroism as a legal outlet for violence, and Golden Ball thought Spring Mustachio was an entitled rich boy who was probably paying his way up the hero ranks. When the two heroes were finally forced to formally introduce themselves to one another at the first annual Hero Association banquet, or some other equivalently pointless publicity stunt the Associacion probably put on at some point or another, they were shocked to find just how wrong their initial judgments of one another actually were.

Despite Golden Ball’s appearance, what with the bleach-blonde hair, slightly baggy clothes, tall, muscular frame, and the lollipops that Spring Mustachio correctly guesses are a substitute for cigarettes, Golden Ball is actually incredibly intelligent, having earned a master’s degree in chemical engineering (this particular headcanon is inspired by @batneko) from a highly prestigious university (currently considering going back for his PhD if he can save up the money), and all of his signature weapons are his own personal inventions. Likewise, Spring Mustachio, despite having the appearance and persona of someone who grew up having everything handed to him on a silver platter, had long ago rejected the escalator to success his parents had offered him in the form of taking over as head of their family business, in favor of going out on his own to explore the world and everything it had to offer, mastering the art of swordsmanship and opening his own restaurant (where even after hiring a decent sized staff, he still took up menial tasks such as washing dishes and serving guests) along the way.

After getting to know each other at that first meeting, the two heroes became surprisingly fast friends, their personalities mixing rather well together on top of having many shared interested, and even began hanging out outside of their hero duties, where they already spent a considerable amount of time together considering how frequently the Association paired them together for missions. Most of their time outside of work was spent at Spring Mustachio’s restaurant, engaging in casual, slightly teasing conversation over onion rings and a couple rounds of beer after a long day of hero work. Later on into their friendship however, it became much more common for Golden Ball to also come into the restaurant during the day to bother the older man during his shift, not that Spring Mustachio minded the company one bit, especially if it meant having a couple of extra hands available to dry the dishes he’d just washed. It eventually got to the point where it was pretty much common knowledge throughout the city that if Golden Ball wasn’t out on a patrol or sent away on a mission for the Association, the first place you ought to check if you’re looking for him would be Spring Mustachio’s. Likewise if it’s Spring Mustachio you’re looking for and the restaurant is a no-go, try your hand at getting ahold of Golden Ball, cuz wherever he is, chances are that Spring Mustachio is standing right next to him. Its a wonder how the whole city doesn’t start assuming the two are dating when they begin referring to each other as ‘Gold’ and ‘Spring’, during hero work, and exclusively by their first names when off the clock.

The two heroes remain nothing more than close friends for full year after their first meeting, and while both had developed more-than-friendly feelings for one another over that time, neither were planning on doing anything about it, not wanting unrequited feelings to potentially ruin the incredible friendship they’d formed, among the other internal struggles that come with accepting that you’re attracted to other men in a society that, although no longer criminalizes homosexuality, definitely still doesn’t view it in a positive light by any means. Spring Mustachio has been in the closet his whole life and plans to keep it that way to avoid the potential social backlash. Golden Ball on the other hand didn’t realize he was bisexual until grad school and has since only managed to work up the courage to come out to his (thankfully incredibly supportive) family and closest childhood friends. Needless to say neither of them were in the headspace to even think about confessing, especially when they had so much to lose should it not go well, and both heroes were content to simply let their feelings die out over time if it meant that their friendship would remain intact.

Things change however, when Golden Ball’s place gets totally trashed in a monster attack, and the younger man finds himself staying with Spring Mustachio at his house until it can be repaired. Now not only do both men have to deal with their budding feelings for one another, but they also have to deal with their budding feelings for one another while also figuring out how to coexist in the same space, made even more interesting by the fact that Golden Ball has two pitbulls, Gizmo and Tonka, and Spring Mustachio isn’t the biggest fan of dogs (spoiler: Spring Mustachio falls in love with the sweet little puppers and spoils them absolutely rotten, much to Golden Ball’s amusement). Over the couple of months it takes for Golden Ball’s apartment to be fixed the men learn several things about each other that never would have come to light in any other context, including, but not limited to: Spring Mustachio’s extensive collection of alcohol bottles from all the drink’s he’s tried over the years (and of course all the stories that come with those bottles), Golden Ball’s horrific nicotine addiction being the result of an undiagnosed anxiety disorder that got BAD toward the end of undergrad and was forced to come to an end when he had a heart attack at 25, the tumultuous relationship Spring Mustachio has had with his family (specifically his parents) since breaking away from the plan they had created for him, the fact that Golden Ball is easily the biggest nerd that Spring Mustachio has ever met (and probably the smartest too), the brief run Spring Mustachio had as a competitive fencer in his early 30s that Golden Ball thinks he should get back into, the adorable way Golden Ball talks to his dogs when he thinks no one is listening, and so much more.

These things of course only cause their feelings to worsen and the situation just continues to spiral out of control from there. Im torn over whether I want them to actually get together in like a nice, mature way, like they ultimately end up talking abou their feelings to just get them off their chests, you know like adults, or if i want them to confess after getting into a huge fight, like maybe one of them got really hurt and some things they didnt actually mean were said and so they didn’t talk for a bit but then they end up tracking each other down and confessing after the tension finally snaps or something like that. I’ll leave that up for you all to decide but what i will say is that they get together just as Golden Ball’s apartment is finished being rebuilt, but with his lease being up at the end of the month and having already settled rather comfortably at Spring Mustachio’s place, he decides not to renew the lease and just stay where he is, much to Spring Mustachio’s delight.

As for their families, Spring Mustachio tells only his older sister and younger brother, who are confused, but ultimately supportive and happy that their brother found someone he truly loved and wanted to be with. His parents end up finding out somehow and while they aren’t exactly thrilled about it when they first learn that their eldest son is dating another man nearly 20 years his junior, they are, to their credit, polite and avoid making any inappropriate comments on the rare occasions he and Golden Ball do agree to visit the estate for dinner. Golden Ball initially only tells his parents, but things rarely stay secret for very long in his family, and not even a week goes by before his grandparents are calling asking if he’ll be bringing his new boyfriend to the cookout at the end of the month. Spring Mustachio has a fantastic time meeting the plethora of grandparents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, and close family friends that make up Golden Ball’s wonderfully lively family, though he does end up getting thrown into the pool by Golden Ball’s older brothers at some point, as is custom treatment for “new members” of the family. He doesn’t seem to mind all that much, especially when Golden Ball’s mother finally breaks out the baby pictures and he gets to coo over how adorably plump his boyfriend was as an infant, much to said boyfriend’s growing embarrassment.

For professionalism’s sake they decide to keep the relationship on the dl and though the two are rarely seen apart, they save the more intimate moments and actions for behind closed doors. No need to give the press an excuse to start shit.

Let me know what you think of my headcanons and what your headcanons are for this rarepair if you have any!!!

[lany-d-flow]

Thoughts: Barret as a Father Figure

I wanted to give my perspective on this topic, as it's one of many stigma-heavy thoughts about the actions of FF7 characters. I'll try to provide examples based on anecdotal experience and the circumstances surrounding Barret and Marlene's lives.

So, is Barret overall a bad father?

So, short answer: No, I don't think so.

Long answer:

Okay, anyway, anyone who has seen or played Final Fantasy 7 is probably aware of two characters: Barret Wallace and Marlene Wallace.

We first see their dynamic early in both Final Fantasy 7 and Final Fantasy 7 Remake. We also see a bit of this written in further works of the Compilation of Final Fantasy 7 such as "On the Way To a Smile: Episode Barret and Episode Tifa".

On the surface, we see Barret's unconditional love for his daughter. So many quotes from the game reflect this:

"She's tougher than me"

"That's right, little angel, I am!"

"She's cute as a button, with the heart of an angel..."

...And many more quotes I could cite. As one more example, during the ending of Final Fantasy 7 Remake, we see a moment of Marlene taking care of reunion flowers while under Elmyra's care. After looking at them, Marlene and Barret call out to each other, foreshadowing a reunion in one of the next installments of Final Fantasy 7 Remake.

All right, so we see that these two love and think the world of each other. However, some view Barret as a poor father figure to Marlene for trusting her into someone else's care multiple times throughout the story, including but not limited to:

Having Tifa care for Marlene while AVALANCHE goes after mako reactors in Midgar; having Elmyra care for Marlene while Barret joins the crew to go after Sephiroth; and after defeating Sephiroth and Meteor, trusting Cloud and Tifa to act as parental figures to Marlene while Barret heads back to Corel to atone for his past and find a new purpose besides being a man with a weapon as his right arm.

All right, so based on these moments, one could argue that Barret is not being a good father due to how often he leaves Marlene in the care of someone else, and instead of truly settling down as her caretaker, pursues purpose(s) he thinks are more important.

However, I do not fully agree with this view, nor do I fully agree with other views that Barret's incapable of being a good father. Do I think he could be a better Father to Marlene? Perhaps, yes. Many of the roles that our heroes in Final Fantasy 7 have are not done perfectly. There are examples I could discuss now, but I'll save that for later. For now, I argue the reason Barret leaves Marlene in the hands of others is that...

Life’s answers for the greater good aren’t always as simple as they seem. To do what’s best for someone you look after--in this case, Barret’s daughter--there may come a time when someone else can fill in as a guardian if the person does not have enough emotional availability to care for an individual.

Allow me to demonstrate explain, first by starting with how long Barret has been her father figure in the first place: around 4 years. Barret adopted her to take his Dyne’s place as Marlene’s father figure. Dyne, his best friend, was lost when Shinra took their usual cover-up approach when a mako reactor incident occurred in Barret and Dyne’s hometown, Corel. Instead of owning up to their mistake, Shinra decided to destroy everything remaining in Corel, including its inhabitants. Barret tried to save Dyne, but his right arm that was holding Dyne was shot by a Shinra trooper, causing him to lose control of his forearm and leading to Dyne facing an unfortunate fall into the Corel prison. Among the inhabitants in Corel, Marlene was an infant when Barret took her in as an adopted daughter. Infact, here’s her character bio in a Final Fantasy Ultimania:

Barret’s four-year-old adopted daughter. She views Barret as her real father, having no memories of her birth father, Dyne (Barret’s old friend). Marlene is remarkably composed for a young child and even occasionally runs 7th heaven by herself. - Final Fantasy Ultimania Archive Volume 2 (Pg. 063).

So based on the context the story gives us, we can conclude Barret spent 4 years looking after Marlene while residing in Midgar. He was probably in the middle of taking on odd jobs during this time, of course, and could not see her 24/7. However, such action is necessary if he is to make a living for himself, and more importantly Marlene. Ultimately that part is up to interpretation. What’s not open to interpretation is when Tifa became a part of AVALANCHE, she was the one looking after Marlene during Barret’s missions with his crewmates (Wedge, Biggs, Jessie). While we know Barret was not always around to watch Marlene, we can conclude that he knew who to entrust his daughter’s safety towards, as someone like Tifa has many motherly qualities, and above many things, wants people to live, especially people she cherishes (And of course she eventually becomes Marlene’s mother figure along with Cloud acting as the father figure when Barret heads to Corel). Eventually, when the team decides to go after Aerith at Shinra HQ, Barret entrusts Marlene to someone else once again. This time. it’s Aerith’s step-mother Elmyra, who will continue to watch over Marlene until the end of our heroes’ journey. Perhaps we’ll get a moment of reunion near the end of Final Fantasy 7 Remake when the team returns to the people they are fighting for, but for the next month Marlene is without her father.

All right, we know the endgame of Final Fantasy 7. The team survives the Lifestream-Holy-Meteor clash and they are alive, but now they must find a purpose in their new lives. While Barret stays with Cloud, Tifa, and Marlene at edge for some number of months, helping to build a new Seventh Heaven bar and home for Cloud and Tifa, he eventually decides to embark to Corel and leave Marlene under the care of Cloud and Tifa.

Wow, what a way to not look after your child that you dote on so much, right? For being her adopted father, Barret sure does leave Marlene in the hands of someone else pretty often. For some people, this can lead to the conclusion that Barret is not a good father figure to Marlene and needs to learn how to settle down and act as a real parent for her. While it can be said that Barret’s not an amazing father, I believe what he’s doing does have a realistic approach. He has no job, he doesn’t feel fully available to watch his daughter, and in the midst of this there are two people who are more than willing--and happy--to look after the person he cares about so much. If Marlene can receive a better quality-of-life from someone close for the time being, isn’t it best to give her that better life for now?

Well, I want to get a bit anecdotal about this. I come from a family of 7 children so I got 6 siblings: 2 older half-sisters, 1 younger full-blooded sister, 1 younger half-brother, and 2 younger half-sisters (5 sisters, 1 brother). Well over a decade ago when there was 4 of us, my biological father and mother divorced, and the aftermath was extremely detrimental to everyone. My mother was in a heavy state of depression and lost a lot of money; there was very little food to come by; us children were pretty much doing as we pleased with little consequence at the time; and my birth father was hardly there to support anyone but my younger sister and me. 

So what action did my mother take for my older sisters? She sent them to another state for a year where our grandparents resided, as they were in a financially and mentally stable situation that could benefit my sisters for the time-being. 

I could be here all day talking about the outcomes in minute detail, but to make sure that doesn’t happen, I’ll give the general aftermath: Eventually my mother recovered, found someone who became a doting step-father for all of us, and has unconditionally supported all of us in what we do with our lives.

The point here is that life throws us in complicated situations, and parents sometimes hit said situations that involve their child(ren). Many parents will absolutely dote over their children. Barret absolutely dotes over Marlene and is extremely concerned for her safety. But like Barret, there arise decisions in one’s life that involve changing guardianship for children. Some people have to work overseas and cannot take their children with them, so for a little while they can entrust that duty to someone else they are close to. If I’m going to draw parallels from other games, then the Persona series is a good example. I’ll be more specific: Persona 4. The protagonist is sent to Inaba where his uncle, Ryotaro Dojima, resides with his daughter. This happens because the protagonist’s parents’ jobs require that they be sent overseas. But his parents do not have to worry about their son’s livelihood because he’s sent to be supervised under someone that they trust, and someone they’re related to.

Conclusion

Nobody is perfect, and life is complicated. Sometimes there are roles in our life that we want to accomplish, but when it involves someone you care about, especially your own child, you want to make sure they have the best life possible. Maybe Barret would love to spend his time with Marlene as much as possible, but before he can really do that, he needs to get his own life together first. When that happens, then he can return to the person he loves more than anyone else in Gaia. Let’s always remember: Children are brought into this world, and it’s a cruel world, just like the real world. We want them to be as prepared as possible for the challenges life throws at them, so while they’re still young, look for the greatest good they can get, like Barret does.

[hellitwasyoufirstsergeant]

Hi everyone! I’m not really sure why I’m posting this here, I suppose because I’m not ready for people I know ‘irl’ to see this, and this is the only account I have anywhere where none of my irl friends follow it. As to why I’m posting this at all, I’m not so sure either. I suppose largely for myself, in the hope that it will exorcise some demons, and partly for other people, because eating disorders just are not discussed enough and perhaps by posting this I can show someone else that they’re not alone. 

There may be mistakes in this and it may not all be 100% coherent, I found it hard to write and I didn’t wish to read it back over.

WARNING: The following post contains discussions of eating disorders and mental health issues. Please do not read if this is a trigger for you, and please not not read if you’re only here to pass judgement 

Looking back now, it’s so easy to realise why I felt the way I did, and to see my descent into mental illness. At the time, it was confusing as hell. I wasn’t diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and clinical depression until I was 17, although I had been suffering from both for six years already, I just didn’t realise it, because I just didn’t know they existed. I didn’t know there were medical conditions to describe how I felt, perhaps if I did I wouldn’t have felt so alone and so alienated. It wasn’t until last year that I realised I’d suffered from an eating disorder. Before that, I didn’t know that binge eating was an eating disorder. 

The words ‘eating disorder’ to me conjured up images of skeletal bodies, of people making themselves sick. I wish that preteen and teen me knew that I was suffering from an actual condition, that other people suffered from too. 

I don’t recall specifically the first time I binged on food, but over autumn (fall) of 2011 it became a regular occurrence, a habit. It was my way of coping with the changes in my life - starting a new school, my mum being diagnosed with a clinical illness and an increasingly fractured relationship with my dad - and my feelings of loneliness. I was also self conscious about my body, I was in a more advanced stage of puberty than most of my peers and I was aware of the fact that I was a little overweight. Bingeing became an outlet for feelings that I couldn’t understand, and therefore that I couldn’t process. 

It was a process that I repeated regularly for six years. It was like a paradox, the more I looked at myself in the mirror and hated what I saw, the more I binged, the very thing that made me carry on putting on weight. I was overweight, I still am today, but I wish that I could have seen myself the way others saw me - slightly chubby but not the ugly monster I thought myself at the time. I ate my feelings away, it was the only coping mechanism I knew. Even when in some ways my life improved - when I was 14 I finally fell in with a group of friends who were kind and who made me feel accepted - my mental state continued to decline and I continued to eat to cope. I was also feeling confused about my sexuality, something that increased my sense of alienation and otherness. It was often the only thing that got me through the day, the only thing that made life bearable to me. 

I never confided the way I felt or my problem with food to anyone during this period. My mum knew that I had issues with food, twice she found hidden stashes in my bedroom. She has been a good parent to me, but I so wish she’d handled it differently. She made me feel ashamed, something that made me more determined to hide my problem and therefore to not confront it. I think perhaps that she would’ve been a lot more understanding had she known the feelings behind the problem, but I didn’t know how to go about telling her. 

I can’t remember how old I was exactly when I shoplifted food for the first time, I think around 14. The £10 a week pocket money was no longer enough to fund my problem, even though I always chose the cheapest food so that I could buy as much as possible. I shoplifted semi regularly from the local supermarkets for around 18 months, I still don’t know how I was never caught. 

In September 2016, I started sixth form college. It was a fresh start that I so badly needed, my five years at secondary school having been so unhappy. It was hard to begin with, only my oldest friend went to the same college as me and old feelings of loneliness resurfaced. A part of me had hoped that the change of school would allow me to leave my bingeing habit behind, but it wasn’t to be. Even when I settled in and began making friends, I continued bingeing. 

New friends at college told me of their mental health issues, and I finally felt understood - there were other people who felt the way I did, other people who wanted to die. These feelings may not be normal, but I’m not alone anymore. Despite feeling accepted properly for the first time in my life, I continued to eat. Perhaps it was the stress of A levels (my fellow Brits know how fucking hard these are), or my mum’s decline in health, or my increasingly worsening relationship with my dad. 

In May/June time of 2017, my oldest friend, Imogen, who was one of a few friends now aware of my poor mental state, told me that I should go to the doctor. After a little persuading, I agreed. She came with me, but the appointment achieved nothing. I tried a few more GPs at my local surgery and eventually found one who made me feel listened to, and who was kind and sympathetic. I don’t recall the exact time I was diagnosed (to be honest this period in my life is a bit of a blur), but after some months I was finally diagnosed with GAD and clinical depression. I still continued to stay silent about my problem with food. 

Ironically, it was actually the further decline of my mental state that allowed me to break my old habit. My mental health had declined fairly slowly over the past few years, but the decline accelerated over autumn and winter of 2017. I don’t know if there was a trigger behind that, I guess mental health doesn’t need a reason. I didn’t know how to deal with the way I felt, I lashed out and fell out with Imogen, which hit me hard. We didn’t talk at all for three months. Before this period, I had often thought that things would be so much easier if I was dead, but my thoughts had never progressed beyond that. Now, it became more active. I actually wanted to die. I stopped looking when I crossed the road, I stopped looking after my physical health at all. Fears about hurting my mum were the only thing stopping me from taking it further. But, I finally stopped binge eating, so disinterested in life that even the that no longer made me feel better. 

My mental state didn’t take a turn for the better, but I grew used to these new feelings and started to process them properly. I got better at pushing them out, but I did eventually decide to tell my parents about my diagnoses. My mum was very supportive, she still is, my dad not so (although I probably should’ve expected that). I made up with Imogen, my behaviour started to normalise. I felt so free from my old bingeing habit, it had only been a few months but it felt like a lifetime ago. 

In February 2018, my mum told me that she’d be moving to Yorkshire. She’d been forced by her job to take early retirement due to ill health, she was only 50 at the time, and wanted to live somewhere cheaper so she could save on living costs and pay off her mortgage. I was scared, and considered for a time moving in with my grandparents so that I could stay in a place where I knew people, but eventually decided that I’d move with my mum. Still, despite the biggest change ever to happen in my life, I managed to avoid a return to my binge eating habit. I’m still not sure how. Perhaps now that the habit was broken it no longer had the hold over me that it once did. 

And then, around March 2018, my dad gave me £500. To this day I still have no idea why, I guess guilt. But it was so much more money than I’d ever had. The temptation not to spend any of it on food was too great. I decided to treat myself, I’d spend £100 on food and put the rest in my savings. 

By the time I finished college at the beginning of June, the entire £500 was gone, at least £450 of it spent on food. I still remember the binge I had the day after me and mum moved out of our old home and in with my grandparents, who we lived with for seven weeks before going to Yorkshire. My mental state declined still further, and I wasted most of those weeks in bed, not having the energy to do anything. I kicked myself later for not using it to spend time with the friends I was leaving behind. 

After we moved to Yorkshire in August, I spent two of the worst months of my life. My old feelings of loneliness resurfaced, not helped by the fact that one of my closest friends just stopped talking to me. I seemed to alternate between binge eating, my binges even bigger than they ever had been, and hardly eating at all. 

But, eventually, I managed to settle in. I got a job, I made new friends. I didn’t make a conscious decision to stop binge eating again, it just happened. I wasn’t lonely anymore, but my mental state didn’t seem to get any better. But, I had healthier ways of coping and I didn’t need to binge as an outlet for my feelings anymore. In September 2019, I started uni, and I finally felt like my life had a purpose. 

Now, I have more and better friends than I ever had. I’m glad I made the move to Yorkshire, where I live now is much nicer where I grew up and if I hadn’t made the move there are so many amazing people I wouldn’t have met. Most of my friends are aware of my mental health issues, although I rarely discuss them in detail. 

However, only one of my friends is aware of my eating disorder. I didn’t realise until last year that binge eating was classified as an eating disorder. I’m not quite sure why, but this discovery prompted me to finally confide in my oldest friend, Imogen. She was very supportive and understanding, and I know my other friends would be, but it’s still something where I look back and I’m like ‘woah that actually happened’. Putting it out of my mind as much as possible has been my way of coping with the fact that it did happen. I have been slightly more open online that I have irl about the fact that I had an eating disorder, but this is the first time I have discussed it this in depth with anyone. 

I’m going to say now what I wish preteen and teen me had known: you are not alone. Whether you’re suffering from an eating disorder, from mental health issues, or from something else, you are not alone. I can’t say truthfully that I have never regretted confiding in someone, but the majority of the time it has helped me, even in a small way. Please talk to someone if you have an eating disorder, be it a friend, a family member, a GP, a teacher, even me. It is nothing to be ashamed of. 

I stopped binge eating as a regular habit at the start of winter 2018. Although I relapsed a couple times last year, it’s been twelve months and counting since my last binge. 

[wonkasmissstarshine]

The Chocolatier’s Rose {Willy Wonka x OC} Ch. 3

GIF not mine. Credit goes to owner.

Summary: News about the Golden Tickets gets out and Rose vows to do everything she can to help Charlie find one. Mrs Mason has some bad news, and Harry delivers an ultimatum to Rose.

A/N: A warning for the act of hitting. 

Tagging: @holdmeicant​ @willymywonkers​

It proved to be a quiet day at Mrs. Mason's Magical Pies. Since there were no customers currently in the dining room, Rose helped Mrs. Mason with the pies. Mrs. Mason worked on the dough, while Rose put in the fillings and put the pies in the oven.

"Don't you think it's strangely quiet, Mrs. Mason?" Rose pondered, making the woman look over at her. "I know it's not the busiest place on earth, but we usually have a customer or two? Where is everyone?"

"I'm not sure, dear" Mrs Mason shrugged. "But I tell you, on my way here, I saw that the candy store was awfully busy today. Busier than usual"

Rose giggled and shook her head. "So, people would rather fill on candy bars rather than your magical pies?"

"Would seem so, my dear" Mrs Mason smiled at her, and then went back to rolling out some dough.

The bell chimed, indicating a customer, and an excited voice immediately followed. Rose immediately recognized it as Charlie's voice. "Rose! Rose!"

"In the kitchen!" Rose called out to her brother. Charlie entered the kitchen. "What's got you all excited, Charlie?"

"You need to come see this, Rosie" Charlie said, grabbing onto Rose's hand, but he didn't dare start tugging her arm. Despite all the excitement coursing through his veins. "You're going to like this, Rosie, I promise you!"

Rose glanced over at Mrs Mason, silently asking if she could be excused to go with Charlie. Mrs Mason smiled and waved her hand. "You go ahead, dear. I'll be fine"

"Thanks, Mrs Mason" Rose smiled, removing her apron before letting Charlie guide her outside. He brought her over to a lamp post where people were crowding around it. The reason for this was because there was a poster stuck to it.

Dear People of the World,

I, Willy Wonka, have decided to allow five children to visit my factory this year. In addition, one of these children shall receive a prize beyond anything you could ever imagine. Five golden tickets have been hidden under the ordinary wrapping paper of five ordinary Wonka bars. These five candy bars may be anywhere. In any shop, in any street, in any town, in any country in the world

A big smile appeared on Rose's face. "Charlie! Do you know what this means!?" She asked excitedly, giving Charlie a big hug. "Oh, I promise you Charlie! I will stop at nothing, and get you as many Wonka bars as I can, until you find that golden ticket!"

Charlie smiled at Rose, knowing that his sister meant every word. He knew that she was always trying to save up a little extra. And she always spent that little extra on Charlie. The two of them returned to the cafe. "Mrs Mason, you'll never believe it!" Rose began, a big smile on display. "Mr. Wonka is letting people into his factory. He's hidden these golden tickets in his bars, and--" Rose stopped she saw that Mrs Mason looked upset about something. Rose looked at Charlie and placed a hand on his shoulder, "Charlie, do you mind sweeping up in the kitchen while I talk to Mrs Mason privately?"

"Sure" Charlie nodded. Mrs Mason flashed Charlie a small smile as he walked past her.

Mrs Mason and Rose sat at a table. "Mrs Mason, is everything okay?"

"Dear, I'm afraid I have some bad news" Mrs Mason started with a sigh. She reached over and took Rose's hand in hers. "I've just got off the phone with the bank. I'm not going to be able to make this month's payments" Rose's jaw dropped in shock. "Nor have I been able to make the last few months payments. Business hasn't been what it used to be, and I'm going to have to close in two weeks"

"Mrs Mason, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't know how to break it to you. Rose, I truly love having you work for me, and I'm sorry that I'm going to have to let you go"

Without even a second though, Rose reached into her pocket and pulled out some of the extra money she had been saving. "This is all I have but I'm sure you could--"

"No, no, dear" Mrs Mason refused Rose's offer. "You use that money and buy a chocolate bar for Charlie. You get him one of those golden tickets. If anyone deserves to see that factory, it's that brother of yours. In fact, I have this for him" Mrs Mason grabbed a few things from her pocket. One was a Wonka bar and the other was some more money. "I know his birthday is coming up. This is my gift for him. And the money, my dear, is my gift to you. Some extra money to buy Charlie some extra bars. I know he wants to see that factory"

Rose smiled at the older woman. It's a shame Mrs Mason was having such troubles, and Rose wish she would have told her sooner so that she could help. "Thank you, Mrs Mason. For everything"

Mrs Mason smiled at the girl and pulled her into a hug. "It's my pleasure, my dear. And I know, deep down in my heart, that Charlie will find a golden ticket"

******

Rose continued working that day. There was still no customer in sight all day. Everyone had been out buying as much Wonka bars they could, hoping to get their hands on a golden ticket. Rose was humming a song as she did her daily task of sweeping the floor, but then her mood turned sour when she saw who came in.

"Harry, what do you want?" Rose asked, annoyed at his presence.

"I'm assuming you've heard about Wonka and the golden tickets" Harry asked, a smarmy smirk appearing on his face. Rose just nodded as she continued sweeping the floor. "Well, I just came to tell you that I'll buy you all the Wonka bars in the world until you find a ticket for your dear brother"

Rose glared and spat at him. "I don't need your help finding that ticket! Charlie has luck on his side. He always has!"

"But luck isn't going to bring your family out of poverty, now is it?" Harry said as he stalked towards Rose. "Luck isn't going to save your family, but I can, Rose" He grabbed her hand. "All you have to do is say you'll marry me"

"I'm never going to marry you!" Rose barked, pulling her hand away.

Harry growled in anger. Rose never saw it coming. The force of it pushed her down to the floor. Rose began to cry and touched her cheek. It stung from the force of Harry's hand. "Listen here, Rose!" He pointed a threatening finger at the girl. "I know this little cafe is closing soon, and you're going to be out of a job! You're going to be begging to be my wife! I'm the only hope you have at a better life and you know it!"

Without another word, Harry left the cafe. Rose remained on the floor. She cried into her hands. Not only because Harry had struck her, but because maybe he had a point. Maybe the best thing she could do for her family, was to marry the man she loathed the most.

******

Rose had come home to everyone discussing Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and the golden tickets. Charlie was talking to his grandparents about it, as Rose made her way Mrs Bucket who was mopping the floor. "Hello, darling. How was your day today?"

"Oh..." Rose hesitated. How was she supposed to tell her family that she would be without a job shortly and that she had been struck in the face today? "It was quiet today"

Mrs Bucket gave a nod, but then started leaning in when she saw something around her daughter's eye. "Rosalie, what's that?" Mrs Bucket cupped Rose's cheek and stroked the tender area with her thumb. "That's a bruise!" She hadn't shouted it loud enough for Charlie and the grandparents to hear. "Who did this?"

"It was Harry" Rose answered, hanging her head in shame.

Mrs Bucket shook her head. "Is that boy ever going to stop? What doesn't he understand about no means no?" She took her daughter's hand in her own. "Sweetheart, no matter whatever that boy tells you, promise us you won't even consider marrying him"

"I promise, mum" Rose said quietly. Then she decided to change the topic. "I'm assuming Charlie has told you all about the golden tickets?"

"Wouldn't it be something, to open a bar of candy and find a golden ticket inside?" Grandpa Joe said.

"I know, but I only get one bar a year for my birthday" Charlie said. "Maybe two if I'm lucky" He said that last part to Rose, knowing she always tried to buy him an extra one.

"Well it's your birthday next week, Charlie" Mrs Bucket said, trying to give her son some hope.

"You have as much chance as anybody does" Grandma Josephine nodded.

"Balderdash!" Grandpa George exclaimed. "The kids who are going to find the golden tickets are the ones who can afford to buy candy bars every day. Our Charlie gets only one a year. He doesn't have a chance"

Rose rolled her eyes at Grandpa George. She loved the man, but it seemed he always had to pick out the negative of every situation. She walked over to Charlie and crouched down so that she was eye level with him. "Everyone has a chance, Charlie. Even you" Rose promised him before wrapping her arms around him in a hug.

Grandpa George had just one more thing to add. "Mark my words, the kid who finds the first ticket will be fat, fat, fat"