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seneon · 5 months

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waiting for hours ──── seishiro nagi x fem! reader.

about. in which, nagi awaits your arrival at home for hours. pure fluff oneshot. wc of 1.2k.

notes. this is like, the highest rated chapter in my my oneshot book in wattpad. so im slapping this in tumblr too and happy belated bday to koala boy!! for @hyoismbbg ♡

𝐓𝐎𝐃𝐀𝐘 was the first time during this year that nagi was able to arrive home early from his football practice. and by early, earlier than the time his lover's work finishes.

he freshened himself up, ate some food in the fridge and waited. it was 8:42pm, almost an hour and a half for you to finish your work.

the football player, now playing for a professional team, was basically bored out of his mind. he could play games until you've returned, but the man had played every game in the universe.he could watch anime, movies or anything. but those would bore him instantly.

honestly, everything is boring to him nowadays. the only thing that would keep him entertained is football and you.

you were practically the same as him, a lazy person who somehow managed to be a successful writer and be in a relationship with another lazy athlete.

nagi waited and waited and waited. for what seemed like hours, he kept waiting for your presence to shine in his day. but every time he checked the clock, only a few minutes passed from the previous.

as tired as the white-haired male is, he decided to make you some simple yet cute supper, prepare your essentials for when you returned from work. nagi even set up your little table in your shared room by the window for when you read or do some planning for tomorrow.

he eventually lost track of time while trying to make everything in the house perfect so you didn't have to do anything else when you came home. an hour or so had passed, and nagi still didn't hear the door twist open.

you yawned, tired from the meeting you had at your publishing company. really, sometimes you wish you could boss around rude people and shut them up from their shitty opinions. but business is business. and rude people didn't really matter anyways.

you set everything the way it is, and stop in your tracks when you see the kitchen counter filled with a plate of delicious food.

the apartment looked pretty neat and clean too. when you looked around in suspicion and curiousity, some of the recognisable things belonging to your boyfriend were laying around freely.

that was when a smile crawled up your cheeks. your mind traveled to nagi who prepared the food and cleaned up the house— just as he walked out the room, an annoyed expression on his face.

"i thought you were never coming home, after i prepared everything for you," he pouted with a poker face, definitely disappointed at how late you arrived home.

"ah— my bad. thank you. you're home early," you shot him a lazy smile before he walked towards you and pulled you into a lazy hug, completely embracing you in his huge form.

"yeah, practice kinda got canceled because coach's wife got into trouble.”

since you were way tinier than him, you practically squished under his body, melting in the warmth of your lazy, sweet loving boyfriend.

he smelled like mint and fresh sugary frosting, from the body wash you gave to him as a present on his birthday. it was a scent that pulled you in so much it froze and destroyed all the negative comments that were written about your books.

as much as you didn't want to separate the hug, nagi gently plucked himself away from you, sternly looking into your eyes.

"eat, and go take a bath. then we can sleep together. practice might be cancelled tomorrow too if coach's wife's trouble is still ongoing.." he trailed off and shook his head. "ehh whatever just go. i made food for you without burning the kitchen and prepared stuff for you in the room."

you chuckled and nodded your head repeatedly, trying to keep in the laugh with his ridiculously sarcastic get funny words. pretty much whatever nagi said could be funny to you.

"i won't doubt your effort. thank you again," you tiptoed and gave him a quick peck on the lips, heading over to the kitchen counter to eat your supper.

the peck made nagi blush. it was the first kiss you gave him this week. it is monday night, the start of the week. and you kissed him yesterday. hah. humour. nagi keeps track of kisses he gets from you.

anyways, he wanted more kisses from you later so he watched you eat while conversing a little about both your writer job and athlete jobs.

then, he waited for you to take your bath, freshen up before you bailed out your little window corner and jumped into bed with nagi.

"thank you, sei," you thanked him again, as he buried his face into your hair, inhaling the fresh scent of your shampoo. "you've thanked me three times already. you're welcome though..."

your fingers moved to lace themselves in the soft fluffy hair of the male, moving around to ruffle and gently play with it.

nagi's hair was fairly soft, like cotton candy that would melt when it came in contact with liquid. it could even be on par with the clouds albeit you've never felt clouds before. but you just know it was more soft and fluffy than anything else.

you found it awfully cute that his love language is physical touch, so much that you often see him as a cat. and for a fact that nagi only needs and wants your attention, not from anyone else because you are everything to him.

the male hummed when your fingers played with his hair, an odd calmness filling over the mind and body of the athlete. you always managed to calm him down, physically and mentally. he loved that it was a good trait of you that he fell in love with.

"i love you," he said against your neck, his breath touching your skin as you couldn't help but smile at his words. he was random, sure, but you know when nagi was being genuine and sarcastic. now, he meant every word of it.

"i love you too," you replied softly, your fingers moving, trailing down to his cheeks to caress his chiseled jawline and softly stroke his cheeks.

such a work of art, you thought to yourself when you faced him and looked into his eyes.

how could a man be as angelic as your boyfriend?

you felt so blessed to have nagi in your life, never regretting that you made the first move for being friends and eventually he would later on give you a lazy confession that was conducted by his friend, reo.

"you're really beautiful, love," he felt himself smile when the both of you were staring into each other's eyes lovingly. "so beautiful.."

"and you're very handsome," you chuckled, going closer to his face. you kept the tiny distance for a moment, having a small time to admire nagi's grey eyes.

nagi then closed the distance between you both, his lips ever so softly closing in on yours to give you a lovely kiss.

it was filled with the purest intentions of showing how much he loves you, nothing else than an innocent kiss that was focused on appreciation and love.

you both pulled away at the same time, your arms wrapping around his neck as his own snaking around your waist to pull you close.

gosh, you love hugs when it comes to your lazy gigantic boyfriend. he always gives you the best ones.

"let's sleep now, okay?" he placed a soft kiss on your forehead, letting you reply with a nod before pulling the soft blanket over you two.

"i've been waiting for hours to cuddle you to sleep. good night, y/n.”

#﹙🗝️ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ 𝐰𝐫𝖎𝐭𝖎𝐧𝐠﹚#seishiro nagi #nagi seishiro #seishiro nagi x reader #nagi x reader #nagi x you #nagi x y/n #blue lock #blue lock fluff #bllk #blue lock x reader #blue lock nagi #blue lock hcs #bllk fluff #nagi fluff #bllk nagi #nagi #blue lock x female reader

604 notes · View notes

noosayog · 5 months

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004 logical

✧ wc: 2.5k

✧ warnings/content: oikawa toru x reader, no gendered pronouns used but please lmk if I missed any! sfw, angst to fluff, another breaking up making up fic, long distance relationship

✧ GUTS masterlist, regular masterlist

divider from @/cafekitsune

“I don’t think this is working out.”

When Oikawa hears those words, marred by phone static, he drops the remote from his left hand and his fork from his right.

“Baby,” he says cautiously, disoriented. “It’s just a few more days.”

There’s a moment of silence. Oikawa picks up the phone and presses it to his ear.

“It’s not just that,” you say quietly. “How much longer are we going to do this – not seeing each other, missing calls, postponing flights? Even when we’re talking, we’re not fully focused on each other.”

“That’s not true,” he immediately protests.

“Yes, it is. Were you not just watching a game and eating right before this?”

“That doesn’t mean I’m not fully focused on you.”

“Yes, Toru. It does.”

He has so much to say, yet none of it seems to come out. Nothing seems appropriate.

You sigh again. “Just… stay, Toru. Stay there. You don’t have to fly back to Japan for me. I know volleyball’s important for you.”

When he says nothing, you go on. “But I hate the way this makes me feel. Like I’m asking you to give up what you love to fly across the globe just to see me for a few days.”

“You’re not. I want to-”

“Toru.”

His mouth clamps shut.

“Last time you came back to Japan, you missed a last-minute practice match with that coach you’ve been wanting to work with. Last time I came to you, I spent 2 of the 4 days I was there alone because you had another last minute volleyball thing. Even when we invest the time to see each other, we’re not really… there.”

Oikawa knows; he knows.

“So let’s just… not.”

He knows, but that doesn’t mean he wants to… not.

“Just hold on a couple more days, okay?” he asks, trying his hardest not to beg and whimper. “Just a couple of days, and I’ll be back in Japan and we can talk, figure something out.”

“Toru…”

“Please, wait for me.”

“I don’t know if I have that in me anymore.”

The coldness of your words seize his chest.

Hearing nothing more from him, you sign off with finality, “Good bye, Toru.”

And the line cuts off.

–

Today is Friday, the beginning of the 3-day long exchange scrimmages with the visiting Brazilian and Chilean pro teams. Duffle bag tossed on the floor by his feet, Oikawa flops on the couch, downing the remainder of his protein shake. The bright screen of his laptop stares back at him, email confirmation of his flight change there to reprimand him, remind him.

Your Flight AE344 to Haneda International Airport for Thursday, February 8th has been canceled.

You’re booked for Flight AE267 to Haneda International Airport for Monday, February 12th! See you soon!

After you had hung up, he gave you a call back. You didn’t answer. He tried again an hour later, then 2, then 12. He had listened to the line ring, for exactly 20 seconds, 8 rings, before banishing him to your unset-up voicemail.

Shutting the laptop screen, he picks up his duffle and is out the door. After all, if he didn’t show up to the scrimmage, what would this have all been for?

–

Friday night arrives, and despite how tired he is, physically from all the exercise and mentally from all the socialization with the visiting players, you wander through his mind. He supposes this is hardly surprising, given you’ve always been his place of rest, regardless of the physical distance, sheer kilometers between the two of you.

Almost afraid to look, he checks his phone and immense disappointment and an increasingly familiar emptiness fill his chest when he sees nothing from you.

He tries your phone again. It rings, rings, and rings and there’s no reward, your voice waiting at the other end.

He showers, eats a quick dinner, and meal preps for Saturday’s scrimmage. Busying himself works momentarily, but at 9PM, his phone alarm goes off, reminding him that it’s time to call you. For the past year, his routine has been talking on the phone with you every night at 9PM. No matter where he is, at a bar with teammates, at dinner with friends, or late night practice, he always takes at least 10 minutes to talk to you.

When the two of you first established this, the agreed upon time was 10PM for him, 10AM for you. The two of you used to compete to see who could call who first. The first night, you called the exact second the clock struck 10. So the next night, Oikawa called at 9:59. Then the following night, you called at 9:58. And it went on until the two of you begrudgingly came to a truce that you’d alternate nights.

And tonight is your night.

Five minutes after 9, Oikawa knows the call isn’t coming.

–

Late Friday night – or technically early Saturday morning – Oikawa lays awake in bed wondering how the hell it all went down the way it did. It hasn’t even been a full year since the two of you started to do long-distance. And he’s still confused. He’s confused because he thought the two of you were doing the best you could be. He’s confused because he’s never even thought about the possibility of not being with you.

He twists over to lay on his side, facing his phone screen, open at your contact. His thumbs hover over your name for the nth time that night, only for him to flop back on his back, turning now to the other side, your side. It hits him then that he can’t even remember the feeling of you in that bed, the last time you kissed. If he had known that would be the last time, he would've savored it all the more. He’d burn the memory into his nerves, just so he could remember the feeling. Volleyball was all muscle memory; he never thought he’d need to commit you as well.

Before he knows it, morning arrives. He starts to get ready.

He brushes his teeth, packs his gym bag, and starts to eat breakfast.

His legs shake, knees bouncing up and down in a nervous tick that hasn’t shown itself since high school. His laptop screen is up again, the flight ticket once again flashing bright.

It’s a reminder. Now he knows that when it’s not reciprocal, the distance between the two of you is so much more than 18,000 kilometers and 12 hours. There’s no phone line, no facetime to shorten that distance, even if just by perception.

Then, it’s a striking thought: a realization that postponing a plane ride those few days could cost him a lifetime.

He dials your number again.

It rings, and rings, and rings.

“... Hello?”

“You picked up,” he hears himself say.

“Sorry I missed yesterday, Toru.” He knows what you’re referring to without you saying it. “And I’m sorry I hung up… like that.”

There’s a lot to say, but he can’t do it like this. So he asks, “will you wait for me to come home?”

“Toru…” your voice breaks with the syllables of his name. He hears the reluctance in your tone.

“If you want to break up, if you truly want to stop being with me,” it takes monumental effort for Oikawa to even speak of such an event. “Then say it to me in person. I have to know.”

You’re silent in response. He’s glad you aren’t refusing, saying that the flight, the cost, the time isn’t worth itt. He’s glad that you agree it’s still a worthwhile conversation to have in person. He’s glad you haven’t given up.

“Wait for me, okay? Please.”

It takes a few simple clicks and a significant chunk of his savings to do what he does next.

–

For the entirety of the flight to Haneda International, Oikawa’s knees bounce, colliding uncomfortably with the seat in front of him. Even with what little affirmation you gave him by simply picking up his call, it brings him little comfort as there’s absolutely nothing he could do for the next 28 hours but sit tight.

When the plane lands safely in Tokyo, local time of 9PM Sunday, Oikawa charms his way into getting off the plane first. He flashes a weak smile at all the people still in their seats of the plane, before rushing off with only his carry-on in tow. There’s no time to wait for a bus, so he shoves his way to the front of the taxi line, reciting your address as if it hadn’t been over 4 months since he’s been there.

Every passing moment does little to ease his nerves, exacerbated even up until the moment he arrives at your door. The seconds pass in loud silence, the hollow sound of his knocking ringing in his ears.

All the white noise fades, though, when the door opens and reveals you. No matter that your eyes are red and swollen, no matter that you’re wearing one of his old ratty Seijoh sweaters, no matter that the two of you are supposed to be breaking up.

“Toru,” you breathe. Oikawa forgets you’re supposed to sound like this, not the distorted, muffled imitation of your voice he hears through the phone too often. Yet another addition to his growing list of realizations.

“What are you doing here?”

He doesn’t know where it comes from, but a single heave of a laughter bursts from his chest. “I told you I wanted to see you, didn’t I?”

“But… your flight wasn’t supposed to arrive until Wednesday.” You’re cautious and he hates that. He wants you to be uncaring of the emotions you show around him, to jump into his arms and forgive him. He wants it back.

“I changed my flight.”

“But volleyball…”

“That’s the thing,” he starts. “I think that’s probably one of the things I never made clear to you.”

You look at him, confused.

“Can I come in?”

It stings when you instinctively fold your arms over your chest protectively, eyes briefly leaving him to look at the ground.

“Will you let me in?” he tries again.

You look back up at him, moving to the side to let him in.

When the door clicks shut behind him, the first thing Oikawa does is wrap you up in his embrace. His arms engulf you. He forces his hold to be gentle, on the chance that you push away. You don’t, so he holds on tighter and tighter, until you squeak from the pressure. He thinks he mumbles an apology, but he’s not really sure because all he registers is your arms coming up to grab his sweater.

It’s not enough.

You let him just hold you, for how long, he doesn’t know, until you finally squeak out his name. He reluctantly pulls away and starts talking, as if he wants to get the talking part over as fast as possible so he can pull you right back in again.

“The thing I wanted to tell you,” he continues from before. “There’s no comparison – between you and volleyball, I mean.”

“Toru, you know that’s not true.”

Yes, it is,” he insists. “I’ve never seen volleyball as something that takes away from time that belongs to you. Every time you come to see me, or I go to see you, or when I push a flight, I’ve always seen that as just a… postponement of our time together, never that it would take away from it.”

“Toru…” you push further away.

“But, I think I get it now. I get that phone calls, video calls, text messages can’t be a substitute. I know because I almost forgot how your voice sounds outside of a phone and because I can’t accept us breaking up through a screen. And even more so because I can’t live off of the memory of how you feel.”

When your gaze softens, he knows he got it right. It only took all this time for him to understand what you meant when you said things weren’t working; it was never about a postponed flight.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get it.”

Your palm comes up to cup his face. Your thumb brushes a wet spot on his cheek. “Oh, Toru. I would never make you compare, I thought you knew that.”

“I know,” he says. I know. And he does.

“Sometimes, I just need to know you miss me as much as I miss you. I know you love volleyball,”

“I love you,” he interrupts.

“I know you love volleyball,” you continue. “And I would never want you to feel like you had to give any of it up for me. I just need to know that you feel what I feel too.”

His hands at your waist squeeze, like he’s reassuring you that he does.

“I know that you won’t be playing in Argentina forever. I was prepared to deal with long-distance for as long as it takes for you to be ready to come home. But-”

He shakes his head like he doesn’t need you to say it.

“No, let me say this. But, sometimes it felt like you were settling for how we were. Then… when you postponed the flight, I guess I was just bummed because I was so excited to see you. But you acted like it wasn’t a big deal.”

Yeah, he did, didn’t he.

“It felt like you would be just fine substituting me for the sport.”

“Yeah,” he agrees.

There’s so much to explain and he’s afraid it would take too long. He needs to tell you that’s not how he feels and that it’s not true at all. And perhaps he’s become self-aware of his ability to grow numb to things like homesickness and he tried to apply that to you too so that he wouldn’t be crippled by the sheer magnitude of how much he truly missed – misses – you. And how appalled he was when he realized he was associating you with memories and nostalgia, as if you were a had-been and not a still-is.

But you seem to understand because your hands are still gentle on his face and your gaze is affectionate.

“Stop crying, you baby.”

“I’m not crying!” he denies.

“If you don’t stop crying, I won’t kiss you,” you tease.

He clams up, biting on his lips to stop the hiccups. His eyes roll upwards to the ceiling, willing any tears to stop overflowing.

You laugh lightly at the sight, voice still clearly weak from your crying marathon.

He has a lot to apologize for, doesn’t he.

You lean upwards for a kiss. It catches him off guard to this day, how much you can express in your gentle affection. It’s another thing he can’t feel through a screen.

With each kiss you press on his lips, he counts the things he has to apologize for, but more importantly he counts the things he needs to tell you he misses and loves about you when he inevitably puts the 18,000 kilometers between the two of you again.

And he’ll do it. Every day. Until the day he finally comes home.

621 notes · View notes

doremimosasol · 8 months

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𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐞𝐝 - 𝐓𝐨𝐦 𝐑𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞 𝐎𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭 ⟡

warnings: suggestive, sharp blade, blood, a bit toxic but kinda sweet too at certain times

word count: 2,8 k

summary: Tom Riddle, the hardworking student, fascinated by you

Tom Riddle, known for his driven mindset but passionate behind closed doors.

It was hard to really get to know the real him, to break through those walls he built around himself. He had always told himself lovers and even friends would distract him from his goal to always over-succeed. He needed to be the best, he needed to know everything they taught at school. He needed to know more.

As a person, like yourself, who studied a lot, it wasn't hard to see him regularly. Tom practically lived in the library, often pulling an all-nighter at any given opportunity. He had his way of tricking Filch into thinking the library was empty and not being able to find him. He often spent time in the restricted section but that didn't give him a chance to analyze the behavior of people around him. So he only visited that part of the library if he really needed to. He didn’t like being around people but the library was the perfect place to really get to know a person.

It may looked like he didn't care about people at Hogwarts, but he was a watcher. In his opinion, watching people study was the best way for him to draw out their personalities. He was intelligent but plain enough to only link people's self-worth to their dedication to their studies.

People sleeping in the library. Those were the ones that didn't have their 8 hours of sleep during the night. Not because of the endless hours studying but because of their weak-minded behavior to party at any given time. They were often Gryffindors, but his own house succeeded in making him disappointed too. It's the reason for him to stay in the library so often, the parties in the common room giving him a headache. Mornings after parties weren’t better for him either. Hungover people all around the place, hoping someday Professor Snape might find them in this state. He’d love to see them get detention.

Ravenclaws. Always putting on the act of the perfect student, while he knew well enough that half of them didn't even study for desire for knowledge. Some of them lived under a lot of pressure, making him almost sympathize with them — no — that was not possible. They were always trying to confirm the expectations of the others. It wasn't a gift. They pained themselves to prove their worth through their grades. But he was always the one they couldn't pass.

Students not using the library for proper end-goals. The kissing in the library drove him mad. There were enough places for one to eat one another's face but they always seemed to decide to do it in the library. What about a room? Anyway, he had his proper way of handling these kinds of students. A way that may or may not make them end up in the hospital wing. Nothing serious, just gluing their lips together with a simple spell. It wasn't pleasant but certainly made them leave. And he didn't have to listen to the awful noises.

Loud students. Same consequences as the kissing students but this time their own lips shut together. It wasn’t a hard spell to reverse. Poor them for not knowing the counter spell, should’ve paid some more attention in class.

You. You were different, always driven to reach the top of the class. Your determination almost — ALMOST — made him feel bad for you not succeeding. Because no one would ever reach the top place as long as he was in school.

You were often the person sitting there too at night. He analyzed your behavior every night. You were different, you took your studies seriously too, and seemed to enjoy it just as much he did.

It seems as if DADA was your favorite subject, noticing the small smile on your face when you had your nose in those textbooks. It was intriguing to him, to see how passionate you were while studying. And especially passionate about his favorite subject too.

This was the first time he'd ever been interested in another student. He wasn't experienced in relationships at all, whether they were romantically or just a friendship. He soon fell into an obsessive spiral, wishing you'd be in the library too when he was there. Figuring out your schedule just by sight of your direction in the hallways. It was unhealthy but you never left his mind, it almost made his grades drop by some percent.

You also noticed him in the library, intrigued by him yourself. He was elegant and charming and the way he spoke made your heart flutter. The guy just radiated intelligence. You caught yourself staring at him quite some times in the library, hoping he’d never notice. Silly you, of course, he did.

It took him weeks to build up the courage to even make the slightest move. He left a small note between the pages of your book while you were gone to get another one. From his seat, he waited for your reaction, even dropping his work just to not miss the smile that formed on your face when you opened the pages it lay in between.

"If a certain someone is on your mind while reading this, take the risk.

-TR"

The moment you lifted your eyes from the small note, yours met his. Tom Riddle. Drawn to the darkness and mystery that surrounded him.

The strange desire that flowed through both your veins reflected in each other's eyes. Neither of you saying anything. When he stood up to leave the library, you immediately picked up his intentions. He wanted you to follow him. A few seconds after he left, you stood up too, following closely behind him.

He stood still in the hallway, his back facing you as you stopped a few meters behind him. The tension was palpable, the only sound in the corridor being both of your breaths. A pace of breathing that quickened every passing second.

"Follow me." His voice echoed through the hallway, it was alluring…

You were contemplating whether to do as he told, but something in you was so damn drawn to him. You were pulled to him like a magnet, your feet following without listening to the signals your brain was giving to you.

He then stopped in front of a wall...?

Suddenly a large door appeared in it and he looked back at you with that typical smirk of his, he was proud of showing this discovery to you. He extended his hand out to the door, it opened magically. "Ladies first, of course."

He looked down at you and behind the darkness that filled his eyes, you could sense a small light flickering behind them. Like a small fire in a deep obscure cave, pulling you closer into the cave. Like a moth to a flame, drawn to the light in the cave.

As you entered the door, your eyes almost fell out of your sockets. Has this always been hidden in the castle? You looked back at him, the surprise on your face was obvious.

"You like it?" He walked closer to you, your heart beating faster at every step he took.

When he was right in front of you, he leaned his head closer to your ear. His breath was warm against the side of your face, a shiver going down your spine at the sensation. "You can keep a secret, right?"

He leaned his head back again, his eyes tracing all your features, pupils dilating. His fingers came into contact with your cheeks, dragging them down slowly until he reached the top of your shirt. Gently he loosened your tie, still looking at you like you were his own personal art piece. "You fascinate me."

"What is it that interests you in Dark Magic?" He slowly traced your collarbone, waiting for a response from you. "Mhmm?"

"I don't know... The secrets and mystery draw me towards it." You didn’t know how to explain it, just keeping it to some simple words. He raised his brows slightly at your confession.

"Is that so? I can give you just as many secrets Dark Magic holds..." He pushed a lock of hair in your face behind your ear. "Even more."

"Are you interested in finding out?"

You probably shouldn't have been…

It was since that day, that Tom and you had these secret meetings. He often took you back to the Room of Requirement during several nights. He taught you new things, in more ways than you could imagine. It seemed as if he was experienced in everything. Everything except love.

As the year progressed, you woke up more times in that room than in your own dorm room. Waking up in his warm arms as he traced his fingers over your bare back. It was a habit of his. He traced every single mole he could find on you, worshipping your body as if it were his reason to live.

His reason to love...

Love.

Love wasn't always that convenient in a relationship with Tom Riddle. The kisses barely weighed out the tears you had spilled during only those few months. They were heavy but he was worth it.

It was the toxic kind of love.

But he was sweet, in a way Tom could ever be sweet.

Nights with Tom were rough, wild, and passionate. The aftermath coloring your body the day after and some even weeks after. He was rough but he knew how to fix you after he almost ruined you. He'd lie if he didn't like to see you in that state. Satisfied by the way he was able to feel unimaginable things again and again. Nothing pleased him more than him pleasing you. Your face was at its most beautiful when you reached the edge. The look of it haunts his mind every single day. Gosh, he believed you were the most beautiful person in the whole school, in the whole world. Your hair spread out on the mattress, your face left with an afterglow, your chest sweaty, and your neck covered in his love.

But there was always something missing, something that made you his. Something that screamed his name. Something that could remind everyone whom you belonged to. Something that would stay with you forever. Something that would bind you to him in a way that was unbreakable…

It was when you two were studying alone in his room that it came to his mind. His eyes averted to the blade that lay on his desk. It was richly decorated with small emerald stones, a snake hugging the handle. It was one of the objects that clearly displayed his heirloom. One of the only things from his heritage that he kept close to him.

He looked back at you, sitting on his bed. You looked so precious in that moment, your eyes tracing the words on the paper of the book you were reading. It was a book he gave to you. It gave an in-depth study of the unforgivable curses: their past, present, and future. His future...

"Darling?" You looked up at him with sparkling eyes, his stomach twisting at the sight of you.

"What is it, Tom?" You straightened yourself on the bed and put down your book, noticing he seemed serious about something. It was a look you knew oh so well. Either you’d be lectured and crying yourself to sleep or tears would stream down your face due to something completely different.

"Do you trust me?"

It was something he asked often but only during closer intimacy, it was weird for him to ask you just out of nowhere. Your heart felt heavy, anticipating something bad.

"Of course, Tom. Always.”

At those words, he got up from behind his desk and took the blade in his hand. The metal made a soft clicking noise against the rings around his long fingers. You had always loved his rings, they were his trademark. He wouldn’t look the same without them. Your eyes followed his actions, not diverting from the blade in his hand.

He pulled your legs so that you got pulled down into a laying position. You gasp softly at the sudden movement. He traced the blade with its blunt side over your legs, passing your knees and slowly reaching your thighs. The cold metal sent shivers down your spine, it was pleasant in a way even though you wouldn't admit it.

He trapped your body, clenching his legs around each side of your body. He looked down at you, seeing your flustered face. It ignited a fire within him and only encouraged him even more to continue. He unbuttoned your shirt slowly, not losing eye contact. He wanted to see your every reaction, the anticipation in your eyes growing.

You didn't say anything, you let him... Surprisingly, you trusted him. You always trusted him. How harsh he could be, he had never hurt you ever. Emotionally maybe but never physically. He’d hurt himself if it meant that you would be untouched by pain.

He pushed the shirt to the side, your chest now exposed to him. You collarbone to his reach, his goal was uncovered. He licked his lips and moved them close to your right collarbone, the one on the side of your heart. He traced them with his lips, soon covering them with his saliva. His tongue left a small wet trail, it glistened in the moonlight coming through the curtains.

He moved his mouth to your neck, up to your jaw until he reached the side of your lips. The teasing made you whimper softly and you put your fingers into his locks. They were soft in between your fingers, a feeling you craved every day.

"You're beautiful." The words hit your lips and you look up into his eyes as he stares back into yours. It's like he's looking into your soul, you feel completely naked in front of him though clothed half.

He dragged the blade across your collarbone, slightly pressing it into your skin to make you get used to the sensation. He looked back at your face to see your reaction. You were calm, and it surprised him. The amount of trust you put into him made his heart skip a beat, it was like falling in love with you all over.

"Can I try something, love?"

Words left your mind and all you could do was nod, You had a feeling about what he was about to do but just waited for him to confirm your thoughts. He traced his thumb across your cheek in the shape of a 'T', the same shape that was now forming right below your collarbone.

It felt cold, it felt warm, you didn't know what it felt like. It almost felt like the same feeling his thumb was making on your cheek like he somehow transferred that soft feeling to your collarbone. It was weird, the pain was almost nonexistent. Little did you know that he put a spell on it, the blade replicating the feeling of his thumb. Like you said, he would never hurt you...

'R'. The next letter now shaped in your skin too, forming his initials in the end. He brushed his fingers over it, immediately closing the wound and causing it to scar. He was making sure it'd stay there forever, like a tattoo.

"T... R..." You looked up at him as he moved his face above yours again.

"That's right, yours. Always and forever yours. Say it.”

“You’re mine and I’m yours, Tom…”

He connected both of your lips as he switched positions into the kiss and put you on top of him now. He pulled away and pulled his shirt over his head, putting the blade in the palm of your hand.

"Your turn now."

Your breath hitched in your throat as he said those words, your turn to do what...?

"Come on, mark me. Own me. Make me yours like you just said" He caressed your cheek and pulled you closer. His eyes were almost demanding, a look you were all too familiar with. He really wanted you to carve your own initials in him too. It was kind of thrilling honestly.

You couldn't deny his wish so you pressed the blade softly against his collarbone with a small sigh. You were focused on the shape, your first letter now leaving a red trace just below his collarbone.

"Good girl..."

Little did you know that this was as close as a blood pact he could get. It'd connect the both of you forever. The letters would turn into a wound again at only the thought of betrayal or disloyalty. You should've known better, for Tom had put another spell on you. Marked by his obsession, marked by his love.

#harry potter #fiction #slytherin #slytherin boys #tom riddle #tom riddle oneshot #tom riddle x reader #tom riddle x y/n #tom riddle x you #oneshot #wizarding world #voldermort #toxic love

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gojozaiacc · 4 months

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PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW, Chuuya Nakahara

Chuuya Nakahara x fem!!clingy!!reader

Summary: Chuuya had been called for a long overseas mission and his girlfriend isn’t ready to let him go just yet.

tw!! MDNI, smut, swearing, sexual themes, fluff, dazai mentions, adult themes

Note: this takes place when Chuuya is 18 around the time Dazai is still with the mafia!! :)) it’s slightly rushed in the end I apologise!!

5am was the time that Chuuya was supposed to roll out of bed and start packing. Recently promoted to an executive role just a mere 8 months ago in the mafia, he had found that being in that position required him to go on a lot of overseas missions-- though he supposed being the strongest ability-wise had a hand in the matter too.

Such as today. Mori had ordered him to go overseas again for a mission of 'high importance'- this time for 2 weeks. Chuuya didn't usually mind long missions overseas but it had gotten much more difficult when he acquired himself a girlfriend. Correction; a very clingy girlfriend.

Though he loved that about her. He liked feeling wanted by her and it's not as if he isn't clingy with her too. When he wasn't working he was at home- usually clung to her when she cooked for him or when they were watching shitty movies in bed. They're just two lovesick teenagers so it wasn't like they felt suffocated by one another.

However, there are definitely times when her clinginess can be slightly distracting- like now. He had planned to get up out of bed at 5am and be well on his way to the airport for at least 7am, the problem? y/n woke up before he could get out of bed.

At first, she hadn't done anything major, she had simply clung tighter to him and grumbled sleepily when feeling his attempt to shift off of the mattress. He had sighed and said he'd stay with her for five more minutes. Those 5 minutes turned into an hour the second she had made the decision to press a kiss to his jawline.

He had sighed and threw his head back against the pillow because he knew what she doing. She was trying to tempt him to stay longer. And for around 2 minutes it didn't work before it inevitably did. At around 5:45 they were already half-naked under the sheets- her having moved to straddle his hips to bracket him against the mattress.

In fairness, Chuuya should have probably seen this coming. When he had told her about the overseas mission the night prior he had seen it all over her face. Disappointment. She had pouted and complained about not being able to see him for 2 weeks- possibly even longer if the mission required it. He had simply drawn her into his chest to embrace her- allowing her to cling to him as tightly as she usually would.

He had anticipated her to hug him tighter to her side. To cling to him so tightly that she'd leave red indents on his sides. But he hadn't anticipated her climbing onto him and kissing him so affectionately that it would physically pain him if he were to pull away from her.

Hadn't anticipated her tugging his and her pyjamas away in order to connect their bodies on a much deeper level. Practically swallowing him whole with her arms around him- soft needy gasps leaving her lips whenever he would roll his hips up lazily into her. Continuing to kiss him even after they had reached their peaks until he was forced to break the kiss, panting.

"I have-"His words get cut short as she presses another kiss to his lips. --"to go, doll."He murmured against her lips, grunting as she rolled her hips once more.

"need to- shit-" he pauses again to let out a moan when feeling her shift on his lap- her mouth pressed against his jaw. He caves once more and finds himself rolling them over so she is pressed into the mattress and he is between her legs- his mouth pressing to hers so unbelievably softly. --"pack.."He breathes into her mouth- rolling his own hips forward to draw a soft noise of affirmation from her.

"D'you have to?"She whispered gently against his lips. --"Can't Mori send someone else?"She murmured, her hands moving to his back- fingers scratching angry red lines against his skin when he would hit that spot inside her.

"H-Have to, doll."He answers, moving his lips to her collarbone as his hand reaches beneath the cover to find her thigh and hike it up to his hips in order to hit much deeper- his movements slow and delightfully intimate.

"They need me and my shitty partner to deal with something."He sighed against her lips whilst squeezing her thigh comfortingly- feeling her tense up beneath him signalling her impending second release of the morning. A whimper left her lips and she moved her hands from his back to cup his cheeks and draw their mouths together again- kissing him like he was already halfway out the door. Though it did feel like it to her.

With a soft moan of his name and hers- they came apart together, panting into each other as they rode out their highs together. Her hands moved again to his back- caressing his freckled skin affectionately.

Chuuya's chest heaves as he leans his mouth up to press his lips against her sweaty hairline- not moving from her just yet. --"Please don't go.."She mumbled weakly to him causing him to sigh in amusement. --"I'd bring ya with me if I could, dollface."He hummed softly, his hand lifting to press against her cheek causing her to immediately lean into his touch.

"I'll be back before you know it, yeah?" he says, offering her a lovesick smile- pressing another kiss to her lips, forehead and nose before finally peeling himself away from her.

A sad and dramatic sigh leaves her swollen lips as she lay on the matress, pouting. A couple of hours, a shared hot shower and some speedy packing later and Chuuya was standing at their door- shrugging on his coat as he bickered with his partner, Dazai over the phone about being late to the meetup.

y/n stood in one of his shirts and her underwear- taking a moment to bask in how close they were in height meaning his shirt fit her perfectly. She stayed close to him, her arms wrapped loosely around his side as he hissed at Dazai through the phone for a few seconds before eventually hanging up with a 'stupid fucking Mackerel' muttered under his breath.

"Shitty Dazai's always late but the one time I'm late he loses his shit."He muttered in annoyance as he shoved his phone into his pocket and drew her closer to his chest. She giggled gently at his annoyed tone.

She had met Chuuya's partner before (much to Chuuya's dismay) purely by accident and quickly discovered that she found the bandaged man rather humorous. She couldn't exactly lie- she enjoys it when Chuuya bickers with Dazai over the phone- seeing Chuuya get so worked up and annoyed at his partner never fails to amuse her.

He sighed as he hugged her close to him- the watermelon scent of her shampoo comforting him. Forcing a smile onto her face, she lifted her arms to wrap around his neck. --"Don't be surprised if your shirts reek of me when you come back."She hums, carding her fingers through his hair affectionately.

A snicker is what she gets as a response followed by a shake of his head. --"You don't reek." he chuckles, his eyes crinkling as he laughs and moves one of his hands to pinch the shoulder of the shirt she wore. --"Steal as many as you like, pretty girl."He tells her.

She hums in acknowledgement as he leans forward to capture her lips in what was supposed to be a quick kiss but lasted slightly longer than he intended (mostly because of her). However, Chuuya knew he couldn't be any later than he already was otherwise he'd never hear the end of it from his annoying partner. Thus the second he felt her trying to tug him closer he was breaking the kiss to chuckle.

"I have to go."He repeats for what feels like the millionth time to her. She frowns but nods her head with a sigh. --"Okay...one last kiss?" She asks entirely too innocently for his liking. The amused smile never leaves his lips. --"Just one more."He mutters before connecting their lips once more- staying true to his word and disconnecting from her a mere 5 seconds later.

y/n's heart sinks as she watches him grab ahold of his shoulder bag. --"Call me when you land?"She asks as he pulls open their front door. He nods in response and turns once more to grab ahold of her face- pressing a chaste kiss to her forehead.

"I promise."He told her gently, stroking her cheek with his thumb briefly before taking the step outside. --"I'll see you in two weeks, love."He bids her goodbye with a heartfelt smile on his face and another kiss against her forehead.

She frowns as she leans against the doorframe, watching his figure disappear down the hall towards the elevator- she debated following after him but decided against it when remembering she was only wearing her underwear below Chuuya's shirt.

With one last wave from the redhead, he stepped into the elevator and he was gone. A sigh leaves her lips and she steps back into their shared apartment, shutting the door and immediately slumping against it with a frown on her face as she began her anxious 2 week wait for his return.

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factual-fantasy · 11 days

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29 Asks! :DD Thank you! :}}📦

@holly-opal @tallchest13-blog

There was not a single thing I liked about the trailer. Not a single thing.

Not the visuals, not the hinted at Jumanji style story, not the casting, I hated all of it. The thing I hated the most was Jack Black being casted as Steve. 💀

I hated his voice for Bowser, I hate him playing as Steve. Sooooo much hatred and disappointment for this trailer 💀💀💀

AAAAA THANK YOU!! :))))))

I have made my own version of Tarr! :D They are not intended to be cute 💀

Soft? :0

I haven't heard of it <:0 google seems to suggest its a Roblox game..?

@spirited-splashes

AAAA IM GLAD TO HEAR IT!! :DDDD TEAM PLATONIC!!! :))))

@pokefan250

I'm pretty 50/50- I GOT THE 8 WINS IN FALL GUYS JUST HOURS BEFORE THE CHALLANGE ENDED SO THAT MADE ME HAPPYbut then my health came back to bite me and I had a very scary health day :x sooo.....

Other than Barnaby's mom living out on a big farm away from the neighborhood- I don't actually have many ideas! <:D

And I had no plans for the neighbors to have cars.. but now I'm thinking of giving Eddie a cute little mail car :))

Yeah I wouldn't use the word "miss"... miss makes me feel like home cares about Wally in a tender way and wants him to come back because it cares about him.. that's not quite the right vibe..

Home doesn't want Wally to leave, and it wants him to come back when he's gone.. but that's the only way I'd word it. Kind'a cold and with unknown intentions..

Also thank you so much!! :DDD

The timing if this is quite humorous. (I spent the last week making 10+ frog plushies)

@pewpewae

I imagine out of all the neighbors, Poppy and Barnaby would have the most knowledge on basic first aid and home remedies. Considering they both grew up way out in the sticks, you're bound to get hurt or sick and not have anyone nearby to help you. So they learned from their parents how to take care of themselves or others when they're unwell :))

If someone is injured or sick though, I can imagine that it might stress Poppy out to come running to her screaming- so people probably turn to Barnaby for those sorts of things <XD

I thought that Howdy gets up early and comes home late. So out of all the neighbors, Sally gets to spend the most time with him because he's almost always awake and out and about! :)

Howdy is also always on the move- doing things around the shop and working. Usually most neighbors cant follow him around from job to job fast enough- but Sally can! :)) She's been able to get to know him really well and they get along like two peas in a pod!

Howdy is witty and quick with his responses. He rarely stutters, so these two can just chatter away for hours and hours!

When it comes to worrying about him,, it is just the cold thing. But Howdy "not liking the cold" only scratches the surface of it. Howdy practically shuts down in the winter time, ALL the neighbors worry about him..

In the wintertime, Howdy is one lullaby away from collapsing on the floor and falling asleep 💀 the cold completely destroys his energy.. Also he's constantly hungry. He really slows down and starts running into things, forgetting things, sleeping in and being really hard to wake up.. <:/ and he gets sick pretty often in the winter so he's just not having a good time-

Huh, I've never seen anyone take that direction with Ingo! :0

@anewbieartist356

HELOOOO!! :}}}}}}}

AAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :)) IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE HIM! :}}}}}}

And yeah, his hair probably take a few hours to braid and I bet bedhead is his worst yet more common nightmare 💀

(Referencing this post)

WARHHRGG SOBBS LOUDLLYYY!!! 😭😭💞💞THANOYU SO MUCH!!! 🥹🥹🥹💞💞💞💞

@abaroo

I feel like unless Home deliberately interacted with Barnaby and wanted him to know its alive, he would never suspect Home to be a living entity. Barnaby assumes that Wally has bad anxiety and its amplified when he's alone.. thus inviting him over to his house just to get out of his own home for a bit, or spending the night at Wally's house..

Barnaby has stayed over at Wally's house a lot and Home watches him too.. but in the end Barnaby chalks up the weird feelings he gets to just the worry over Wally..

I've never played the game, but I love it :) the fandom can be a real pain sometimes..

Currently I'm only really drawing/thinking of the base Unovan pokédex, not the pokédex from black 2 and white 2. (There are some select exceptions to this)

Mostly because the second dex is HUGE. And because Pokémon white was the game I grew up playing- so that's the one I wanna pull the Pokémon from. Ngl though, I might not be able to resist incorporating Metagross from the second dex.. 👀👀

Also my violet team wont make any canon cameos, but I did draw a doodle of Grim and V as slimes! :}}

@holly-opal

AAAA THANK YOU!! :DDDD

Meow meow! :))

(Thank you! I wish the same for you! :} )

@minnesotamedic186 (Referencing this post)

AAAA THANKYIU!! :))) I have a couple ideas for them but I'm having a hard time writing them out 😔

@msdamneighty

AAA I LUB YOU TOO! :))))))

@neo-metalscottic

Hello! I've unfortunately not been doing well health wise.. this week has been a rough patch.. but I'm hangin in there as best I can! <:) The fam says hi! XDDD

As for your questions, the fam has been blessed with never being too cold or too hot. So they probably like the winter time because that's when I'm at my happiest :)) I've never given them snow- but I'm sure they'd love to play in it! And yes, Gerald absolutely desires to A-pose out on the garden XDDDD

I typically play as Pit or Metakight. As for the others, I wonder..

Maybe Bibi would play as Luigi, Cici as Bowser, Jangles as Peach and Gerald as Wario XD

Also thank you for the ask! :DD I look forward to your next one but no pressure! :)))))

@littlelightfish

Its very rare that anyone from the crew hides their illness.. If someone hid an illness that's a big no no because they can infect other members of the crew. Plus it's really easy to tell if they're sick-

Also thankfully, (aside from Octo that one time-) no one really hides injuries. If the wound is in an embarrassing spot and need help, they'll probably just get the crewmate they are most comfortable with to help them..

I think Tuna only has that gnarly hook hand, he doesn't have anything else to put on in its place 💀

I can imagine when he first got his prosthetic arm he probably hurt himself on it once or twice <:( eventually he got used to it though and didn't hurt himself anymore-

Who made his prosthetic arm.. hmm.. I kind'a imagined he put it together himself.. Hence why it looks impractical and dangerous 💀

I didn't have plans for him to miss anyone... perhaps his mother but she's gone.. at least he doesn't miss anyone from his old crew.

After a battle/conflict on the ship, the very first thing Tuna does is go looking for Ellie..🥺

I imagine rolls are Tunas favorite food because he's kind of a picky eater. So some beautifully made plain bread rolls are hard to beat! :))

I didn't intend for Red to have any siblings,, his family was mostly his rotten mom and dad. :(

I think Coco and Cuttlefish get along better than you might think! :)) They're both rather sassy and have a lot of the same opinions. Other than Tuna, there isn't anyone that Coco butts-heads with :))

Due to the varying body types, the crew typically doesn't steal each others clothes 😅 but I can see Red stealing Coco's coats and boots from time to time 🥺

I haven't thought much about Ellies family.. perhaps she lived with her cruddy uncle before running off with Octo and Seafoam? :0

Thankfully like you said- other than Octo, nobody's gotten hurt so badly they thought they'd lose them. <:)

I'm afraid I don't Understand that question about Red.. D:> But Blue Beauty's favorite food is probably krill! :0

And lastly, WAAHGRGGT THANOUU SO MUCH FOR THE ASKS SND INTEREST IN MY OCSSS!!!😭😭💞💞💞

@loud-kid2

While I have no plans to add E. Gadd to my AU, I have made my own version of King Boo! :))

Aww! I still need to work on Julies sisters, but I can see this being the direction I lean towards! :))

Wally would probably stay home and try to just recover.. but if Home his illness starts making his anxiety/paranoia way worse- I can see Barnaby staying over for a few nights to take care of him. Perhaps even bringing Wally to his house if he thinks it might help- :0

#my response #minecraft movie #slime rancher #ingo and emmet #welcome home #cookie run ocs #my ocs #cookie run #cookie run kingdom #factual fam

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hgfictionwriter · 2 months

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Maybe This Time - Part Five

Jessie Fleming x Reader

Summary: Jessie can't sleep, and neither can you. Late night discussions ensue. Jessie and you unpack more of your past - and newly confessed feelings.

Warnings: None. Slight mentions of angst, but mostly tons of fluff!

A/N: Previous parts for this series can be found on my masterlist.

Jessie exhaled as she rolled onto her side, waking temporarily from her sleep. She hadn't even opened her eyes before a rush of recollections came to her from the night before.

You liked her in university. You liked her now. Or at least enough to agree to a date.

You were finally - finally - going on a date together. Jessie had waited for this moment for years.

Sure, she'd buried any hope for it for half of those years, but as soon as you came back into her life, everything she'd been distancing herself from came roaring back, and stronger so.

She belatedly realized she was smiling and she let out a contented sigh. She peeked an eye open to see it was still pitch black and she could hear Janine fast asleep.

Without warning, worry and concern started to encroach on the happiness Jessie was feeling.

What if it was really just a casual 'thing to do' to close out a funny story for you? What if you changed your mind? You didn't actually say how deep those feelings had gone way back when and certainly didn't say how deep they were now. Was she just setting herself up for disappointment?

She exhaled again in an effort to calm herself. She closed her eyes for a few seconds, but couldn't keep from reaching for her phone a moment later.

Her chest tightened when she saw a message from you. She didn't hesitate to open it.

"I can't sleep. And for the record, the feelings weren't short lived on my end either."

Jessie's breath hitched as she re-read your message and any lingering veil of drowsiness was now long gone. She swallowed and checked the time stamp. An hour ago.

Her thumb hovered over the screen as she debated whether to reply now or not. With a light huff she tapped out a reply.

"Tell me about these feelings."

She stared at your conversation for several moments, unknowingly holding her breath. She was about to turn off her phone and set it aside when you started to reply.

"You first, Fleming."

"Also. You should be sleeping. You have an early flight."

"Says you. I'm wide awake now. I can sleep on the plane."

"Why do I have to go first?"

"Lol. Hey, I took the first step here, so it's only fair that you tell me more.

"But I actually asked you out in the end. So I'd say we're even. It's your turn."

"It only took you - what - 8 years?"

"I'm teasing. I know it's more complicated than that."

"Slow off the line, but hey, at least you know I'm steady lol. And yeah, it's been complicated. But I don't mind."

"Are you trying to charm me?"

"Depends. Is it working?"

"It is. And it's worked many times before."

"Oh really? Now you definitely have to tell me more."

"Smooth. Well, I don't know, where do you want me to start?"

Start? There's that much? This was going to be way more interesting than Jessie even hoped.

"I guess we can start at the beginning. That art show - was that the first time a date ever came to mind?"

Jessie idly chewed on the corner of her thumb as her remained fixated on the screen and she awaited your response.

"Definitely not. I always thought you were cute and I found you really easy to talk to. So things just grew from there. And really, do you think I came to your games just because I wanted to watch football? lol."

"By the way. That reminds me. You never invited me to your games. I had to invite myself! So if you're wondering why I didn't think you had any interest in me - there's an example of why."

"Y/N. Come on. I didn't want to make a big thing out of it. It felt so cringy and showboat-y. I'm not like that and you know it. And you were busy. And you didn't like football! Why would I assume you'd want to spend 2-3 hours at a game?"

"Yeah, that's the part where you missed the whole concept that I liked you lol. That of course I'd want to show up and support you and learn more about what you're passionate about. Anyway, just saying, you played it awfully cool all the time. So yeah, after the art show incident, I guess it just felt like confirmation that I'd been trying too hard to read into things, so from there I just assumed it was a one-sided thing."

"I'm sorry. It definitely wasn't."

"I'm afraid to ask. But even when you were dating your exes, are you saying you liked me then?"

"If I'm being honest with myself, it's fairly obvious why my exes didn't like you. And it has nothing to do with you as a person - it was about my dynamic with you. I was upset with them at the time, but, truthfully, they had reason to criticize."

"Okay, your turn now."

"Wait – you didn't really answer. Are you saying you liked me when you were with your exes?"

"Yes lol that's exactly what I'm saying. I couldn't even admit it to myself at the time though. It just seemed pathetic when I knew - or thought I knew - that you didn't like me like that. I played it off like, "She's my friend! How dare you!" But, yeah, I came to you for things that I should've come to my girlfriends about. I'm sorry – looking back on this, it was really shitty of me to do that to you; counting on you for emotional support like a girlfriend might. Like when I was upset, when I was excited, you were the one I came to. That wasn't fair to you or them."

Jessie sighed. Those times did create a lot of angst for her. But, she also cherished being the one you trusted and relied on. It had been bittersweet, really. But this changed things entirely. You'd come to her like a girlfriend? Your words - not hers. It made her heart race.

"I really was your friend though. I mean, a friend who was head over heels for you, but a friend. And friends support each other. But I see what you're saying too. And it was hard sometimes being close with you, but not as more."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

Jessie couldn’t believe what she was reading. The revelations that were coming out challenged everything she’d known - or thought she’d known - for years. It was mind boggling and elation tingled in the tips of her fingers and toes. She had to be dreaming.

"I wish we were actually talking right now and not texting."

Jessie looked at the time before glancing over at Janine. She really shouldn't get up. But who was she kidding?

She carefully got out of bed and gingerly walked over to her things to slip on a pair of sweats over her shorts, grab a hoodie, shoes and the hotel key. She glanced back once more at Janine's sleeping form and tip-toed to the door, ever so slowly unlocking it – wincing when the deadbolt clicked open – and swiftly stepped out into the hall. She exhaled slowly as she kept the handle turned and softly closed the door.

She tied her hair back with the elastic around her wrist as she headed to the elevator and took it down to the main floor. A tight smile formed across her lips as she walked past the front desk on her way outside.

As the entrance doors slid closed behind her, she peered around and found a bench alongside the building, dimly lit by nearby streetlights. She took up a seat and called you.

The phone rang a couple of times before you picked up.

"Hello?"

Jessie smiled at your voice, hoarse with sleep.

"Did I wake you?" She asked.

"No, I just didn't expect you to actually call," you chuckled, your voice already clearing up. "How are you calling me, anyway? Did you go somewhere else?"

"Yeah," Jessie replied, stifling a yawn as she relaxed into the bench some. "I just went outside."

"Jess," you said, somewhere between chiding and impressed. "We could've kept texting. Or, you know, I could actually let you get some sleep."

"Sleep is for the weak," Jessie joked, twiddling with the tie of her hoodie.

"Since when? You were the one always keen to get a full night's sleep," you teased.

"Well," Jessie started slowly, feeling the push and pull of what she wanted to say next. "If it means I get to talk to you...I don’t mind losing a bit of sleep."

"Wow," you said, dragging the word out with a light laugh. Jessie's face flared with heat immediately. "I did not know you were such a charmer." As if you read Jessie's mind that had begun to swirl with anxiety, you went on, "Don’t get me wrong – I really like it. It’s just new, but in a great way."

Jessie huffed good naturedly as a small boost of confidence settled in. "That's fair. I mean, as we've covered, I didn't exactly make my feelings clear." She cracked a smirk. "Not such a loser, now, am I?"

"Loser?" You asked incredulously. "Why in the world would you say that?"

Jessie felt heat rushing to her face once more and she rubbed the back of her neck. "I don’t know. I just felt that way. Sometimes. Like – seeing all of these hot girls and guys hit on you whenever we were out, making you laugh, and swoon, and all I ever really could manage to do was offer to get a refill of whatever you were drinking or offer to let you copy my notes if you missed class."

"Jessie. You're ridiculous. You were the absolute farthest thing from a loser. My God. Let's be really clear about that. And 'swoon' is a strong word, okay? I did not swoon over anyone. Anyone that wasn't you, anyway," you finished with a faint lilt in your voice.

"Oh whatever," Jessie protested though her face felt even warmer now. "You most definitely didn't swoon over me. You don't have to pretend."

"Excuse me," your voice rising to match hers, "You were the smartest girl in class. And so cute. And witty. I know you think being shy was a bad thing - but I found you endearing for it. Made it that much more special when we became friends and you opened up around me. And, you know, jocks were never my type, but the fact that you coupled it with academic smarts and becoming one of the people I was closest to and trusted most – swoon worthy"

"Uh huh," Jessie dismissed though it felt like her head was buzzing now. She swallowed the excitement that was bubbling in her throat. "Well, all I can think about is that one night we were at that silly bar near campus and I got you a new drink – you took a sip, handed it back telling me to hold it for you, and then ran out on the dance floor with [another girl]."

”Oh my gosh,” you said, scandalized though both of you laughed. “Don’t you dare. Anytime I tried to get you to dance you always refused! You made it seem like torture anytime you had to! And it was my favourite song! I didn’t think you’d want to dance.”

"Right, sure," Jessie continued to tease, though your proclamations were accurate. "Well no worries – I held your drink and protected it with my life while you danced up on some other girl."

"Oh my God," you went on with a light laugh. "I'm sorry!" You clicked your tongue. "Listen, I can't change it, but what I can promise you is that next time we're out and I feel like dancing, we're dancing together. I won't take 'no' for an answer this time."

"Well hold on now," Jessie protested in jest, drawing another laugh out of you. She hummed and went on. "Kidding. I suppose I can put up with dancing if it's with you."

"You're making me blush," you told her. The way she laughed, she thought you were kidding, but it was true. "Well, I'd love that. Consider me flattered. I've been waiting a long time for it. Remember when [an ex] and I left abruptly during [a friend's] birthday because we were fighting?"

"Yeah," Jessie said, feeling a fleeting wave of aggravation at the recollection of that night. She remembered your ex storming out, you being in a foul mood and leaving shortly after.

"I mean, that was a shitty night. Too much drama. But anyway, [y/ex] was mad because she caught me looking at you from the dance floor one too many times. I never told you – for obvious reasons."

“Yeah right,” Jessie readily dismissed. She recalled maybe seeing you glance over now and then, but it didn’t mean anything.

"It's true," you refuted simply and unbothered. "I think you'll learn that there were a lot of moments like that."

"Well, I find that hard to believe. But I suppose," she relented. "And there are definitely a lot of moments like that from my side, too."

"Tell me one," you said before quickly adding, "Well. I want to know them all, but I'll go easy on you for now. Let's start with one."

Jessie shuffled down in the seat of the bench and played with the seam of her sweats. She pursed her lips together as she rifled through memories until her mind hitched on one, a twinge going through her chest at the mere recollection of it. She went to consider other options, but whether it was the desire to keep ensuring things were different this time or maybe it was just the lull of night lowering her inhibitions, she decided to stick with this memory. She cleared her throat.

"Uh. I guess graduation comes to mind. Not convocation itself, but, you know, that last night we saw each other before I moved," Jessie started, her eyes on the ground as she began now distractedly picking at the wooden slats of the bench.

"I remember that," you said, your voice more somber than before.

"Yeah," Jessie said simply before a stilted laugh escaped her. "That was a hard night."

"Tell me," you gently encouraged.

Jessie exhaled quietly, giving a listless shrug before stating very matter of fact, "I thought it was the last time I'd ever see you."

Her chest was tight and her body felt heavy as the memories and emotions flooded back. She knew every detail of you that night – she'd wanted to remember every aspect and hold it close. Despite the fact that all these other truths were being revealed now, it didn't undo how heartbroken Jessie had felt at that time.

"Don't you start – then I'm going to cry," you told Jessie as your eyes grew watery and you forced a short laugh.

Jessie tried to laugh, too, but it was feeble at best and instead she felt more tears welling. She tried to muster another laugh, but it came out as more of a sob as you watched her and your lip soon quivered.

"Come here," you said, voice tight as you opened your arms to her.

The two of you collided into each other as you both rushed into the hug. Much to her contempt, Jessie began sniffling immediately and her shoulders shook with sobs, pulling a watery laugh out of you as you gave her a squeeze. The squeeze was encouragement enough for Jessie to tighten her grip on you – clutching you almost desperately in her arms and terrified to let you go.

"Jess," you said, your voice barely audible as you waded through emotion.

Another sob escaped Jessie as she pulled you even tighter to her. She felt your body shudder as your own tears overtook you.

"I'm so proud of you," you managed to say through tears, your head resting against Jessie's. "You're going to do amazing things – even more than you've already done. I’m just going to miss you like hell." You finished with a sad laugh.

Jessie subconsciously dug her fingers into your back. "I'm going to miss you, too," was all she could manage through her tears. You sniffled.

"If you need someone to keep you grounded when you're an even bigger superstar than you are now, you just give me a call," you laughed.

Jessie felt words burning in her throat and she felt powerless to stop them. They were words she'd said to you before – more specifically, returned to you. Anytime you said them to her – flippantly or otherwise, regardless, never the way she wanted you to say them. This time, she allowed herself to say them the way she really felt them.

"I love you," she said, tucking her chin against you. "So much." She felt like her chest was about to explode and she bit down hard on her lip as she looked up to the sky and tried to fight off this persistent stream of tears.

"I love you, too," you returned, voice still thick with emotion, but a light laugh punctuating your reciprocation.

Jessie chest panged once more.

"Text me as soon as you land, okay?" You told Jessie as you pulled away from the hug. Jessie's touch lingered until she forced herself to let go.

She sniffled and nodded, wiping irritably at the next tear that fell. "I will."

"And I know you're going to be super busy, but let me know when I could come by for a visit," you said brightly through your remaining tears. You forced another laugh. "Look at me – I'd never been to a football game in my life until I met you. And now I'm offering to fly halfway around the world to watch you play."

Jessie mustered up a smile, blinking back more tears. "Yeah, I'll let you know." She knew she wouldn't and it broke her heart to lie to you.

"Okay," you said as you nodded, smiling bravely for her. "I know you have to go, so I won't keep you. We'll talk soon. Have a good flight tomorrow, okay? I love you."

Jessie swallowed and returned a brave smile of her own. "I love you, too."

She was startled from her thoughts as you spoke.

"Really? We said we'd visit each other."

"I know," she replied, wisps of guilt setting in. "I just-" She took a breath as she worked to find the words. "it was hard...being only your friend. I, I think I knew that moving to London, that I needed to move on. I'm sorry I didn't know a better way to do it," she finished quietly.

"Ah," you voiced, taking a couple of seconds. "I understand. I'm sorry it was so painful – the last thing I would've ever wanted is to hurt you."

"No, you don't need to apologize," Jessie assured you. "I know you weren't trying to hurt me." She took a breath. "I owe you an apology."

"Hm? Why?" You asked, perplexed.

"You know how you asked me recently why we stopped talking?" She asked. "I wasn't being fully honest with you. I knew I was pushing you away. And I'm sorry – for then and for now, for acting like I didn't know any better. I knew I was hurting you. I just...I didn't know how to move on if you were still in my life."

Jessie felt emotions rising in her chest and she continued.

"I know it probably doesn't mean anything. But, it broke my heart to do it. I was miserable. And it was so hard to not talk to you – to tell you about my day, big things and small, and to not hear about yours. To not know how you were doing. I missed you more than you know."

The line was silent for a few, heavy seconds and Jessie felt her anxiety start to build. Her throat was dry and she was about to speak when you cut in.

"Sorry. I just wish I was there. Or you were here," you said, relieving Jessie of her concerns immediately. "I just wish I could hug you, because you don’t need to apologize. I'm not upset with you. Thank you – for being honest with me. Maybe this isn't right, but it makes me feel so much better to know what was actually happening. I hate that you were hurting, and it hurt me too at the time, but, all of this just makes me excited for what we're trying to explore now."

A smile had spread across Jessie's face. "Good. Me too. And yeah," her smile grew and she picked at the bench once more. "I wish we were together right now, too." She meant to leave room for you to reply, but her nerves got the better of her and she talked on. "But anyway, next weekend will come soon enough."

You chuckled. "I guess that's true. It's been 8 years – what's another week."

"Exactly," she laughed, unable to fully quiet the smile on her face. She glanced up, idly noting the subtle change in the colour of the sky. "Shit. I hate to do this, but I should probably go. The sun's starting to come up."

"Oh my gosh, of course. Don't worry about it. Thank you. For calling me. You really didn't need to, but, I really enjoyed talking with you."

"Don't mention it," Jessie replied, cheeks starting to strain with how much she was smiling. "I love talking with you. You know that."

"I do," you told her. "I'm very lucky. Now go. This can't turn into those nights where we just keep talking and talking despite saying 'bye' a dozen times and then one of us just falls asleep at the other's place," you finished with a laugh. Jessie remembered those nights well.

"No, I'm not ready to answer the line of questions that would come up if the team found me asleep on this bench," she joked. She smiled further at the laugh it drew from you.

"No way. But you better brace yourself for the questions Janine's going to throw at you. It would just be way too easy if she sleeps through it all."

"Yeah," Jessie rolled her eyes affectionately. "You're probably right." She straightened up and slapped a hand down purposefully on her leg. "Okay, I'm going now. But, it was great talking with you. For the second time tonight," she added with a chuckle. Her face began to warm. "Hopefully you can still get some sleep tonight. Um, sweet dreams."

"Well, if they're of you, then they certainly will be," you teased, causing Jessie's face to flare up even more. "I hope you can get some sleep too. If not, then hopefully you can sleep on the plane. Text me when you can. Oh, and don't think I didn't catch that you said you were 'head over heels' for me," your voice light and teasing. "We'll unpack that next time we talk."

"Y/N!" Jessie exclaimed, but the line had gone dead. She glanced at her phone, mouth agape at how you'd hung up on her. A text came through.

"Goodnight! (morning?) Sweet dreams, Jess. 😘"

A/N: Part Six (finale) available here.

#jessie fleming #jessie fleming x reader #woso x reader #woso imagine #canwnt x reader #woso community #canwnt

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n0tviv · 6 months

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「 When Vox & Lucifer forgets your birthday 」

WARNINGS : VALENTINO in Vox's part), Angst to Comfort fix, You & Velvette are best friends (sorry to those who dislike her), GN!reader, Reader calls herself a burden :[ , use of y/n, mention of h/c,e/c,f/c (H/c ➭ hair colour E/c ➭ eye colour F/c ➭ favourite colour), swearing, nicknames , NOT PROOFREAD!!

[A/n : I didn't expect Vox's to be so long]

Green colour text is you speaking or thinking example "hi"

Vox :

You yawned before rubbing your eyes, slowly awaking from your slumber, you turned to the side hoping your lover, Vox was in bed with you to cuddle but you were met with your lover's side of the bed cold & nicely made. Of course Vox was probably already awake and at work, you were hoping he would make an exception today because it was your birthday! However, that didn't seem to be true. You didn't let that brings you down tho, maybe he was making you your favorite breakfast so you could have breakfast in bed? You brushed it off before deciding to go freshen up and take a relaxing hot bath to take your mind off Vox.

You made your way to the bathroom, turning on the water to the temperature of your liking before striping and getting into the bathtub

After you finish taking a shower

You wrapped your body in your (f/c) robe before making your way into your shared room to get changed into your favourite outfit, Ouji fashion (or any style to your liking) ! You walked out of your room, expecting to see Vox making you your favourite breakfast but to your disappointment, he wasn't.

That was when it hit you...he had forgotten that it was your birthday. You couldn't blame him though he is a busy man working everyday on his company, Voxtek. He worked everyday from 8-12 hours it probably just slipped from his mind but you couldn't help but feel disappointed.

You made yourself your favourite breakfast, eating it slowly while thinking about how Vox had forgotten your birthday. You lost your appetite from thinking about it so much, you had placed the remaining of your favorite breakfast in the fridge.

You dragged yourself to your bedroom before slamming the door behind you. You couldn't help but wallow in self pity, tears running down your face. You soon fell asleep from crying.

You jolted awake from Velvette barging into your room shouting "Wake up girl ! It's your birthday why are you staying in your room like a depressed chick? Also why are you crying?! You aren't supposed to be sad on such a big event !" Velvette was holding a (f/c) present in one of her arm. She sat you up before handing you the present.

"What got you crying on your big day (y/n)?" velvette asked. "I..V-Vox forgot about my birthday! I c-couldnt help but feel upset and disappointed and started crying" you stuttered, chocking on your tears.

"Oh that bitch! How could he forget such an big event to you? His such an idiot. Why don't you open your present from me and we could go shopping to cheer you up! Sound like fun?" Velvette asked. You nodded before opening your present, inside was your favourite style of clothing in your (f/c) with matching shoes, a handbag & accessories.

"Velvette I love you so much I swear to Lucifer himself,plantonically obviously but you get what I mean! Also that plan sounds like absolute fun let's go!"

On yours and Velvette way out, you two bumped into Valentino,he wished you a happy birthday before going to his studio. Even Valentino remember and you barely even talk to him (or like him for that matter) and Vox, your lover didn't even remember it was good to say that you were pissed.

After you and Velvette came back from shopping, hands full with tons of bags full of your favourite stuff

"Feeling better dear?" Velvette asked putting down the bags of your favourite stuff on the floor of your shared bedroom with Vox. "With you taking me out to buy my favourite things? Hell yea!"

It was good to say that after Velvette left, you placed the stuff you bought neatly in your shared cabinet before placing a letter on the door reading : fuck off Vox, sleep on the couch today. You had placed some pillows and blankets on the sofa outside for Vox. You snuggled into bed before dozing off.

After awhile, Vox came back from work. He thought it was odd that there was pillows and blankets on the sofa but thought nothing of it until he say the note on your shared bedroom door.

He threw a silent tantrum, stomping his feet around. Why did he had to sleep on the couch for ‘no apparent reason???' He didn't even know what he did to deserve his kisses and cuddle session with his beloved lover taken away especially after a long day at work! However, he didn't want to make you more pissed so he slept on the couch like how you wanted him too. He decided, his going to visit Velvette first thing tomorrow morning. He knew you and Velvette was best friends and you told her everything.

It was good to know that the first thing Vox did after waking up was grumpily storming to Velvette's studio demanding why you made him sleep on the couch.

Vox slammed open the door that lead to Velvette's studio,pretty sure if he or Valentino did that one more time the door would fly off their hinges."VEL! DO YOU KNOW WHY THE FUCK DID Y/N MAKE ME SLEEP ON THE COUCH. IF YOU DO TELL ME WHY! " Screamed Vox."WHAT IS WITH YOU AND VAL WITH SLAMMING DOORS. Also yes I do their my best friend why would they not tell me. You're fucking stupid Vox I swear to Lucifer. Did you forget it's y/n birthday yesterday?? They was wallowing in self pity and cried themselves to sleep before I made their day better"

That was when it hit him "IT W—ZZT–WAS Y/N'S BIRTHDAY YESTERDAY? FFFUU-HUHHHH-UCKKK" Vox slammed the door behind him ("STOP SLAMMING MY FUCKING DOOR" -Velvette) as he ran to your shared room, banging on the door apologizing to you and promising to make up for it.

"Leave me alone.." you mumbled "Y/n my doll, please open the door. I'll make it up to you I promise darling." Vox said. He had cancelled everything he had ongoing and in plan for that week. You thought about it before opening the door, seeing Vox. Vox immediately hugged you and kept apologizing profusely, you two spent the rest of the night shopping, having a fancy date at Hell's fanciest restaurant.

He spoiled you with cuddles, gifts and basically anything you wanted to make up for forgetting your birthday!

Lucifer :

Lucifer was a VERYY busy man, I mean he is the king of hell himself! Of course his day is filled with meetings and other stuff.

By the time you woke up Lucifer had long gone off to work,attending meetings,doing paperwork and alot of others but for the whole day he couldn't shake off the feeling that he is forgetting something very important. No matter how many times he checked his schedule,his calander he couldn't seem to remember what he had forgotten.

when you woke up you had realized the obvious absences of lucifer..you lay in bed,trying to cheer yourself up but failing miserably. You knew and understood he was a busy man with tons of errands he needed to run but you couldn't help but feel sad and abit enraged that he had forgotten such an big event like your birthday after he promised he would never forget it.

He had been running from place to place,having meetings all around pentagram city. He couldn't figure out what he had forgotten until he finally reached home at night and saw you,thats when he remember what he had forgotten.. it was your birthday who could he forget??

"ducky..im sosoosososoosososos sorry! It completly slipped my mind,you're way more important then those stupid errands and meeting. Ill make it up to you duckling!"

In the end it was a happy ending with you two cuddling in bed and having an amazing time the day after to 'repay' that he had forgotten your birthday

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin lucifer #lucifer morningstar #hazbin hotel velvette #vox fluff #vox x you #vox x reader #lucifer x reader #lucifer x you #lucifer fluff

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ciaomarie · 3 months

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The Bear S3 Thoughts/Feelings at 4am

Warning: So much hateration below. I'm disappointed overall. It's gorgeously shot and the acting is still top tier from the main cast, but OOF.

See below the cut

I want to say this first. Napkins, Tina's episode, was lovely. Okay, moving forward...

The first couple episodes started off so strong and then….what was this?!?I LOVED THE FIRST EPISODE SO MUCH. Episode 2 was pretty good, but soon the energy was off, it was painfully slow in some places, THE FAKS ARE NOT FUNNY, Claire "haunted" the whole season and it wasn't even her fault. Most of the "comedy" came from those Fak morons, instead of our LEADS, like Richie for example. It got so bad, I faced an existential crisis during "Ice Chips." I literally started thinking, "It's just a show. It doesn't matter." Seriously, I have real life problems and this show is not only, not an escape right now, but who cares?!?!

Anyways, Donna and Nat acted their butts off, but Ep 8 was too long when we needed more development from the others. And where was Carmy during the delivery?!!? And finally Sydcarmy, FINE, if they want to go the platonic route, after placing her at the literal center of his relationship all S2, but it felt like their soul connection was severed now. They teased us so bad at the end of Ep 1, gave us a trickle in the ep 2-3, and then...nothing, unless you count Syd's panic attack. My heart dropped when she wasn't the first to notice how messed up Carmy was at the Ever dinner. Plus, he's hasn't picked up on her inner turmoil for weeks!!!!! Aren't these two supposed to be close friends with a shared passion according to Chris, Joana, Ayo, Jeremy, and the Anti-BW/WM Brigade on Reddit? I doubt I'll be staying up until 4am to binge S4 next year.

Did Chris and Joana let the acclaim get to their heads and they fell off? Matty (Neil Fak) is a producer, but is he blackmailing them to be in 9/10 episodes?? John Cena's cameo felt like it was 4 hours.

Saddest part I have to go back to. I guess the cast really wasn't lying about Sydcarmy for S3. Basically, Syd and Carmy barely know each other anymore. I HATE IT HERE. Looking forward to other more positive takes on the season and Sydcarmy.

#the bear #sydcarmy #tv review

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osarina · 17 days

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honestly the most tragic relationship in civzai/pmreader universe is yosano & reader and i will stand on that hill forever.

like originally i was thinking maybe they only rarely interacted while on tokoyami island, but the more that i thought about it, the more i realized that they probably did interact frequently. mori would've wanted his "immortal regiment" as soon as possible and to have it perfected, he needed reader's ability to be able to "heal" the soldiers' minds. so mori would've likely had yosano try to help her figure out how to work her ability. they would have been friendly enough with each other, the only two young girls in the warzone, both dragged into this war in some manner or another, yosano probably saw her as a younger sister tbh being 3 years older, wanted to help her as best as she could.

and then mori does mori things. when yosano's help doesn't give him the progress he needs, he starts using other tactics to try to get her to develop her ability in the way he needs. starts comparing her to yosano, starts holding her place at his side over her head, threatens to send her back if she can't be useful. all things that a kid in her situation would be terrified of.

and like you guys have to understand pmreader does NOT have a reliable narration of those years. like we'll see it in the canonverse & the civzai verse (which is actually what stemmed this post), but her memories of those years are very warped courtesy of trauma & mori's manipulation. it all happens directly after she watches her entire village slaughtered in the crossfires of the great war so she's already very unstable, and mori gets in her head VERY quickly.

so she thinks back to these years and can only remember the threats of being dropped back off in the ruins of her village & the way mori held yosano as a type of idealized figure that she'd never be able to catch up to no matter how hard she tried. "be more useful like yosano and you can keep your place here" and stuff like that. she doesn't have like ANY memory of the months yosano spent trying to help her figure out her ability, doesn't remember how she would sit with her for hours and tell her that she's making good progress even when mori would give that disappointed frown, doesn't remember anything because its all been warped and twisted by moris' constant threats and comparison. so naturally she becomes resentful and hateful about it.

meanwhile, poor yosano only remembers the 7/8 year old girl she tried & failed to help, couldn't do anything when mori separated them and turned reader against yosano. yosano got off of the warfront and out from under mori's thumb, but reader didn't, and yosano has had so much guilt over it for years, living in the what ifs and wondering what ever happened to her.

and obviously mori's manipulations of reader never stopped after that—probably gets worse, even, because he would lament losing yosano while keeping reader, would've preferred the opposite. so when reader and yosano meet again years later, reader immediately rejects and spurns her, and yosano is just soooo distraught over it like the one person that could rlly truly fully understand her rejecting her in such a manner HURTS. hurts even more when she sees how reader has turned out so similar to mori bc she still remembers her as the kid she was and failed to protect.

i suppose while we're on the topic - i always get a lot of questions about reader and mori's relationship. dazai kind of mentions it in 'i laugh like me again,' but reader has like undying loyalty toward him that he definitely doesn't deserve. as shitty of one as he is, he's the only father figure she remembers, she still feels like she owes him her life for rescuing her from the warzone and has a VERY intense complex of trying to make him proud of her. i wouldn't say that mori doesn't care about her, he does in his own way, but whatever feelings he does have for her are overshadowed by his ambitions.

anyway tldr: yosano and reader are tragic, and mori is a cunt. i feel like im missing stuff concerning reader's and mori's relationship but that wasn't the point of this post anyway maybe ill make it its own post

#ᡣ𐭩 pmreader universe #this all makes me want to explore what her reaction might be to finding out that dazai pretty much is holding atsushi against akutagawa #in the same way mori did with yosano to her #and also fun fact #it's not a fun fact actually its sad #bc canon pmreader mostly broke the cycle of abuse #but civzai pmreader did not #and she ends up holding akutagawa and klaus against each other in a very similar way that mori pit her against yosano

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daichiduskdrop · 1 year

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˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚⋆·˚ ༘ *𝙎𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙡 ⋆·˚ ༘ *ੈ✩‧₊˚

Chapter 06

Pairing: BTS Ot7 X fem! reader

Genre: A/B/O AU, Fluff, Strangers to lovers,

Warnings: Slight implications of rape

Taglist: @thelilbutifulthings @ilovemoneymorethenmen @singukieee @cherrysainttt @felicityroth @mageprincess7 @lucis-noctiana @danielle143 @osakis-gf @girl-nahh @vintageoldfashion @neverthefirstchoice @juju-227592 @silentreadersthings @i-have-no-life-charlie

Words: 3512

⋆·˚ ༘ *ੈ✩‧₊˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ✩‧₊˚⋆·˚ ༘ *

Pulling you closer to his body the pack alpha started to calmy walk towards the underground parking lot exit. Hearing the locking sound of the door he didn't bother to turn around, instead focusing on you fully.

Your eyes were pretty much completely closed, only fluttering from time to time. With the light too harsh on them you let a soft whine leave you, and grabbed closer on Namjoons t-shirt, burrowing your face in the crook of his neck once again.

„It's okay babypup, just rest for some more now.” He said, his voice calming to your ears, further settling you down. As an omega it was very normal for you to sleep more than any different second genders do. Used to resting for over 11 hours a day you were always sleepy.

While you enjoyed being able to fall asleep so quickly in many scenario's, it was also greatly inconvenient in others. Whenever you had to pull an all-nighter for the final exams at school it was very annoying.

You didn't really like the taste of coffee, plus pretty much any caffeine or even theine was just a terrible thing to drink for any omegas. A light fruit tea was okay, since it doesn't include any of the actual theine, but anything bit stronger like a pure matcha tea could be bit problematic sometimes.

You didn't always struggle with the different foods and drinks that could potentionally be harmful for you, but from time to time you really didn't check what was included out of laziness and ended up terribly sick. It was just a curse that came with your second gender.

You were used to having long hours at school, getting up to be there by 8 and leaving some time during the afternoon, sometimes you had to stay behind to finish your work up. So if you were still really sleepy in the morning, it was quite normal for you to eat something to replenish your energy at least slightly.

The university you went to wasn't very quiet since all second genders were allowed to study in it, so you weren't really able to relax there most of the time.

You loved the school in a way but it also brought great troubles for you. Whenever you told anyone about the school you frequently visited, they usually looked down at you from then on.

You of course understood very well that art is less important to people and humanity than doctors and nurses, lawyers or even teachers, but there was just something about it that always called for your name since you were young.

You used to draw for fun when you were small, while you were still a part of your old pack. Your family supported you when you were still young, but as you got older and your relationship with art didn't fade they would start to get more upset.

Yea, you were an omega which often had hard times getting into more serious industries like education and health services, management or even office and administrave support. For those a lot of the time only betas and sometimes even only alphas were allowed to work at.

So with only a few different options for your future, you decided to pursue your early dreams even when it brough a great disappointment for your pack.

It was quite welcomed to have omegas not work at all in the more traditional packs, and if you were in a modern one it was often that the omegas worked as librarians or maybe personal shoppers too if they didn't mind the crowds and loudness the malls often carried. It was usual to work as a babysitter too.

If you were an omega that wanted to work these were the well welcomed options, easy to maintain and keep track of, so the pack always knew about theirs omegas well-being.

Even if the pack was very modern thinking regarding the set rules, there was absolutely no way any alpha in their right mind would allow their pack's omega out of sight and not know about their plans and whereabouts.

Some people were just dangerous, and so letting your omega go somewhere on their own, even if they wanted to do so very badly was a very risky act noone wanted to fully admit to.

It was often times other alphas that brought the biggest dangers, usually after being rejected by the lowest second genders that didn't accept their packbound.

Feeling sour they just start to hate them more and more and if any omega comes in sight without being protected by their pack it happens sometimes that they let their anger out. Doesn't matter which is the way for them to do it.

For such reasons it's more than normal for anyone of the pack to be with their omega most of the time. You are going to try on that dress now? Okay, I will wait next to the changing rooms. You want to refill your cup? Here, I'll do it for you, you just wait with the others.

With how rare it is for omegas to fully accept a forming bond and become a part of it, the packs are more than ready to cherish them like the finest gems.

Namjoon too was very keen and felt a deep satisfaction in keeping you close around. His pack was a more modern one with how there were no betas around, but suddenly, he felt very on edge with all the different people passing by.

Holding the doors open with his foot, he waited for the rest of his pack to go through before he closed it. One palm over your head he held it close and snuggled up against his scent gland.

He realised how you needed any rest you could finally get. With how unscented you were, even before arriving to their home, he knew there was most likely noone in your life to properly have you as a part of a pack.

So it was only natural for you to feel the need to rest even more than usual, after being able to let go of any worries and let your guard down for once.

They were more than ready to do that for you, keeping you well and safe at all costs. His whole pack was very important to him and came first under any scenarios, but now that they had you they were interested in, you were quick to become one of the highest priorities for each of the alphas.

It was very normal for omegas or even betas to take liking to a new pack they just discovered, getting attached quickly and easily.

So if both of the parties were interested, there was no harm in slight rushing. It wasn't considered that in the modern society, absolutely typical and usual since it happened oh so very often.

Stepping up the few stairs that led to the mall entrance, the pack walked close together. Their steps rang out in the quiet concrete corridors, the piping on the ceiling left uncovered. A few graffiti tags were here and there but the light was bright and there was noone around, so there wasn't anything to worry about.

Entering already inside of the roudy building, Namjoon slowly lowered you to the tiled floors. Your eyes opened up again, but it wasn't long until you were once again reaching for his neck, your small fingers latching on the t-shirt he had under the dark coat.

„It's okay, princess. You can sleep more later, yeah? Let's get some food in your stomach. What would you like to have? There is a big food court on the second floor; should we go look?” Jimin was quick to step in; he could notice how the pack alpha's facade was going down and how his eyes went soft again.

They would never mind carrying you, in public or not; it was very normal to do so with omegas, but since you weren't necessarily theirs yet, they didn't want to cross any boundaries you had.

With how sleepy you still were, they didn't want you to feel embarrassed later on. And so to avoid having that happen, Taehyung and Jin both took one of your palms in theirs and started leading you towards the escalators.

You didn't come to this mall often—pretty much never at all. It was quite far from your home and was in a more noisy area since it was usual for tourists to come in here.

Still, the alphas led you with ease, with Jimin at the front and Namjoon walking behind you, keeping everyone in sight. Walking alongside a big grocery store, a café, and a stationary shop, you felt many scents that were new to you.

Reminding yourself, you remember the thing that got you into this place at first: the medication prescription you didn't get. Looking up at Jin's face, you thought about asking them for help at that moment, but with how much distress you must have caused them already, you just decided to let it be for now.

The eldest went first on the lifting stairs, pulling you behind him and stepping to the left. You stayed on the step after him, and with Tae doing the same, the three of you were left in a small row.

The hanging banners above you were advertising new burgers, a makeup collaboration with an idol, and a new clothing collection in one of the many boutiques in this mall.

After you all piled out from the stairs, you walked towards the big food court right in front of you. There were many sitting spots; some were kept in enclosed booths, and other small tables were left in the open. Some of them were left occupied by customers, but most of them were still empty.

There was a big selection of different fast foods and restaurants you could get your food from, many of whose names you didn't recognise. There was a big McDonald's that you, of course, were familiar with, but the other restaurants like Shake Shack or Cushara were ones you never really heard of.

Letting yourself be tagged along, you allowed Jimin to select an enclosed booth that had dark maroon sofa-like seats. The space was definitely large enough for the whole pack to fit in, so the alpha chose well.

Jin sat down first, followed closely by you and Tae. Namjoon, looking at the different options, turned away slightly from you. You noticed Jimin typing on his phone; he was leaning against the side of the short, built-up walls. He looked up when the pack alpha eventually turned back towards all of you, though.

„What would you guys like to get? I'm thinking Panda Express might be a good choice, but we can go for something else if you want to. What would you like to have for lunch cub?" Looking at you, he watched your face, noting the small facial expression changes.

„Yoongi just texted me that they are on the bottom floor, so they should be here in a minute or so.” Jimin mumbled, his eyes glued back to the screen as he typed again.

„Alright, let's wait for what they want to order then.” Answered Namjoon once again before he slid into the seat next to Jin. On the booth table, there was laminated paper that had a list of the most popular foods from each dining place available at the spot. Picking it up, Tae held it up so you could see too.

„Let's look together, babycheeks. Here, they even have an omega-safe food list; that's really clever. Let's see..” Reading over the list closely, the man looked for the foods with the small label next to the names, marking them as fully safe because they were mild in spices, not too high in sugar, and usually not fried either.

Leaning in to look yourself, you hesitantly pointed towards the 'orange chicken' listed next to the small panda express label. You never had it but since you were a big tangerine lover, you felt like it could be quite tasty.

„Could I get that please?“ You mumbled, looking up at Taehyung's face for a bare second. Sitting up slightly, he went over the contents of the meal.

„I'm not sure babycheeks. How about we get you something else instead. Do you want chicken and rice? Here, there is a 'grilled teriyaki chicken' listed, does that sound good, sweet baby? We can get you some rice with it too; the brown steamed rice here is extra tasty.”

Lightly trying to steer you towards a different decision, you looked back at the menu, and he was right. Next to the options he just told you about was the tiny symbol you had to look for constantly.

„But I wanted the orange chicken, please,” you said, looking into Taehyung's eyes. He couldn't bring himself to hold your gaze for much longer. He could feel his heart practically break with how he had to tell you no, even after you asked so nicely.

He was proud of you for telling him what you wanted, even if it was a simple meal from a restaurant. He knew more than well how that could be so tricky sometimes.

„Baby I know, but it could really be bad for your tummy. I don't want you to get sick. Come here, let's look at the other options together.” His voice was softer than usual, and even when he spoke with a deep tone, he always tried to soften it up for your ears.

With one of his arms going around your left, he lightly pulled you closer to him so your thighs were touching. Leaving his palm at your shoulder, he occasionally rubbed your shoulder blade in small circles.

When you could smell the light scent of rain and the forest's smell of citrus and flowers, you looked up almost immediately. The three alphas were walking around the tables, careful not to bump into anyone or anything as they walked in your direction.

You were glad to see them after a few hours of their absence, so you were quick to climb out of the booth before you took the few last steps in their direction. Jungkook walked first, and that meant he was the first to have his hands on you, pulling you to his chest.

Breathing in the soft aroma he brought, you smiled lightly, feeling content. With how dependable omegas often get, it was more than healthy for you to be around the whole pack at once.

„Did you miss me, baby? I missed you lots and lots.” The man mumbled lightly, his face hidden behind the face mask. Lightly patting the back of your head, he wanted to hold you for longer, but unfortunately, the situation wasn't ideal.

„Yah, Kook-ah, let me have her for a minute too. Stop hogging her up!” Hobi's voice was loud, just as it usually is. Pulling away from you slightly, before the other alpha had time to react, you were quickly snatched away. It wasn't Hoseok who took you; it was Yoongi.

Sneaking around the other table, he didn't bother to wait for you. Instead, the alpha didn't waste any time before his arms pulled you to his chest once more. Lightly rubbing his chin over the top of your head, he felt content with you around.

„My kitty. How are you? Did you have a nice time at the shops? Should we go buy some more stuff later?” Feeling shy, you let him pull away to watch your face.

„Yea, Tae and Jimin bought me a lot of stuff. I'm very thankful.” You whispered softly, still feeling a bit overwhelmed with how quick they were to spend so much money on you. They didn't hesitate.

„..That's good, that's really good, I still think-” Cutting his elder with no problems, Hobi snaked his arms around your waist, also hugging you. You looked up at his face and were greeted by the biggest smile ever.

„Little cub, I'm so glad to see you. You looked so nice in the clothes. Here, sunshine, let's go eat now, yea?” Pulling at your hand, he let you take a seat before he himself sat down. This time, you had Jungkook and Hobi keeping you company.

With the other pack members greeting themselves, Namjoon didn't waste much time before he handed them the menu. Most of them were getting ramen noodles and settled on sharing theirs with you.

You were getting the grilled teriyaki chicken Taehyung recommended, but you really didn't feel like getting brown rice, so you stuck with the usual white one.

Standing up, most of the alphas left to go order and pay for the food, but when you tried to stand up, you were quick to be pulled back to your seat by the youngest.

„No babybun, stay here with me for now. Tell me about today, hm?” It was very easy for the whole pack to finally allow their second gender to fully control them and take over. There was just something so deeply satisfying for them about having you to constantly care for and having someone fully depend on them for once.

It was a breath of fresh air; they didn't even realise how much they had actually pushed off their wants the whole time before you came about.

BigHit did offer the chance of hired packomegas, which were usually there for the ruts the alphas went through twice a year. They never worked well for the pack, though; oftentimes they tended to get along great with one but argue so much with the other. So after their earlier years, which arrived after their fresh debut, they just stopped letting the company look for packomegas completely.

„But the food? There is a lot; I should help." Your voice was worried as you looked in the direction they left.

„Babybun, it's alright really. They can do it well, okay? Just stay with me right now. Tell me about where you guys went?” Jungkook knew that they were more than capable of carrying all the foods and was just the slightest bit worried about you spilling something; the possibility of you getting burnt just didn't sit well with him.

„Okay.. if you are sure.. We went to Dior; I tried on a bunch of stuff too." You murmured, finally looking at Jungkook. His eyes were wide and bright, fully set on your form.

Talking about the trip you took with the packmates, you skipped over the whole buying ordeal; you didn't feel like worrying the youngest alpha too.

„What were you doing?” You hesitated to ask, still very shy around them. You could see how he smiled widely at your question. He couldn't help himself though; you were just too cute.

„I was at the studio; I was finishing up my part of the song with Yoongi, and Hobi was there to work on a part of one dance. We had some stuff to sign, too. It's very boring stuff, my baby; don't worry about it, okay?”

Only nodding lightly, you looked at your lap. You could hear him lightly giggle next to you; the laugh was airy and sweet. Cooing at you, he brushed your cheek softly, making you look back at him.

„How about you tell me more about yourself now? What about your pack?”

It was sudden, you could feel dread start to consume you, and from the bottom of your toes, you felt your muscles tighten. Gulping, you looked away.

You didn't have a nice past; with how your pack abandoned you, it was easy to know so. Usually left alone, you lived a very sad life. Still, sometimes you feel joy come from small things. Those moments did help from time to time.

Even if you tried to cover up the sudden change of mood, the alpha was quick to notice. It was one of his second gender's charms—the ability to quickly notice any atmosphere changes.

Moving quickly, his warm hands went around your shoulders before he pulled you closer, your tights touching.

„Baby, it's okay; we don't have to do that if you don't want to talk yet. It's alright, babybun, don't worry, yeah?" His eyes were desperately looking for yours, but with no success. Tears sprung up suddenly too, furthering the sudden despair he felt.

Desperate to make you feel better, to calm you back down. You were doing so well today, and he didn't want it to go wrong for you so suddenly.

When the first tear fell and he could start to really smell the sadness in your naturally soft and sweet aroma, he knew something was seriously wrong.

He didn't waste any more time before he pulled you to his chest, fully squishing you against him. Your soft sobs followed soon too, only furthering his worry. In the corner of his eye, he could see all of his packmates coming back towards him, their pace urgent.

„Sh,sh, shh, babybun, don't cry; it will be okay. We are here now, cub. Come here, and let me hold you for now. You'll be okay.” Lightly hiccuping, you let the alpha sway you from side to side slowly, his scent worried and heavy.

⋆·˚ ༘ *ੈ✩‧₊˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ✩‧₊˚⋆·˚ ༘ *

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cloudmancy · 5 months

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I have no desire to get you in trouble but I would be curious to hear your thoughts on the new episode and the preview because I also have.. thoughts and I'm interested in what other people clocked as not great or kinda.. idk. other people's concerns, because I have had a lot of them and I never see people really talk about those things

they're doing a new format this season where they film a bunch of rp episodes in a row then take a break when there's a battle so the crew can get the battleset ready, so I understand the dissonance. but the tone of this episode from the tone of last episode was SO jarring. I was ready to chew drywall at the end of episode 17 but we head into the episode 18 fight and at the end all I can say is... damn! that sure is a battle that happened. the entire fight felt really low-stakes even though objectively a few of the bad kids were in mortal danger, but the mood at the table was so relaxed and chill and there was almost no roleplay at all... which drove me so crazy

>no rp except for fun silly party stuff (no callbacks to the adaine elven oracle in a storm thing? after all the fun setup last time??)

>fought 8 different antagonists and none of them said a word

>nobody questioned why or what oisin's grandma or all those dragon were doing there they just started taking them out one by one like raid battles in world of warcraft

>cassandra/nightmare king showed up only to not make any impact or get a single word in

>dos2 lady vengeance fight did the floating boat/ballistas/dragon fight better SMH

and then after all of that we're headed straight into ANOTHER battle episode judging by the preview... and it's against the rat grinders and porter/jace! let me out I want PLOT & DIALOGUE fhjy cannot end like this (5 hours straight of battle where they just kill everyone that moves). there's 2 eps left so I really hope they do the last ep as a 4 hour long roleplay only epilogue episode because as we've all seen ending campaigns on a battle leads to frankly really rushed character and world decisions. it's ultra disappointing too because I loved this entire season so much so far. the setup and buildup and plot points and mystery of fhjy is the best they've ever done it in dimension 20 period

ep 18 fhjy battle was a letdown to me... not giving the party an rp episode after 3 hours of loredump + going straight into a final battle without being able to interact with the world after gaining info is bad. they should've had a chance to process everything they learned about house sunstone, porter's plan, the rat grinders being used as ascension fodder, whatever the whole deal behind ambrosia and lucy frostkettle and why they needed a helios cleric in buddy IN ROLEPLAY. I don't want all this stuff explained to me after the battle by brennan or in some throwaway lines in the adventuring party - I want the bad kids to talk to people! I want them to investigate! I want fig to pull some BS with porter knowing the full extent of all his plans. it really sucks for us as an audience too to be hit with all this lore and get approximately 0 time for it to sink into the implications of how the worldbuilding was shaped by it or realizations of "ohhh that's why that happened at the beginning of the season" before we go straight into killing everyone.

with the way this is going I don't have any confidence they're gonna be able to actually empathize at all with the rat grinders too before they start lopping heads off because in battle episodes everyone kind of just. becomes numbers and an objective to take out except for pet favourite npcs of the cast. and they've mostly been interacting with the rat grinders as nuisances all season 😭 I'm PRAYING to be proven wrong and the last 2 episodes of this are fantastic but it's not looking good folks

#asks #anon #fhjy spoilers

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ragazza-paradiso · 1 year

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okay, my personal thoughts on the jury vote/televote drama (as unbiased as possible):

i understand people’s disappointment when their favourite doesn’t win. i also understand how that disappointment can turn into frustration when it turns out that was the most popular entry with the general public, yet it didn’t result in victory.

for me, the presence of juries in the contest is non-negotiable. i think they help to recognise aspects of the songs that very often get overlooked by the viewing public - composition and vocal ability being the two most important. i think of estonia from this year, a song and performance that most definitely deserved the love they got from the juries to push them up the scoreboard. i think of albania 2018, switzerland 2021, portugal 2022 - all entries that deserved to be recognised, and were not given that by the televote.

all of that is not to say the jury is faultless. i agree with most, that the criteria the jury is told to judge upon should be modified/expanded. i think they should drop the focus on commercially successful songs to help level the playing field for songs in languages other than english (or popular languages like italian or spanish). they should also include people from more diverse musical backgrounds to appreciate alternative forms of music like rock, jazz, folk and music with ethnic elements etc. they could also make the juries larger (i think just doubling the size to 10 people would already make such a huge difference).

i think the biggest change the EBU needs to make regarding the juries is to be much more transparent. the general public has no idea why the juries exist, or what they are even judging on. each show the presenters should explain the criteria the juries judge on. because i’ve seen so many comments on social media over the past 12 hours which seem to fundamentally miss the fact that the juries judge based on criteria which is given to them by the EBU. they do not simply sit down and make a ranking of their favourite to least favourite.

the big point for me is that the jury vote is NOT supposed to be representative of the public vote. there would literally be no point to it if it were. therefore the jury having different scores, and ultimately a different winner than the televote, does not in itself mean that there is a problem with the juries. if you ask me, it means that the juries are doing exactly what they are supposed to do. they recognised the song which best fit the criteria they were asked to judge upon… tattoo.

and i would also add that tattoo was immensely popular with the public as well, it came second in the televote. and the juries placed televote winner cha cha cha in fourth position. so the argument that the juries are out of touch with the european public (at least when it comes to the top spots) just doesn’t add up.

since the juries were reintroduced in 2009 we’ve had 4 types of victories

• where the televote and jury vote agree on a winner (2009, 2010, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2017)

• where the televote winner has won overall despite not winning the jury vote (2011, 2018, 2021, 2022)

• where the jury vote winner has won overall despite not winning the televote (2015, 2023)

• where the winning song has won neither the jury vote nor the televote (2016, 2019)

so, in the 14 contests with the 50/50 jury televote system, only twice has the jury overridden the televote to decide the winner. the televote has overridden the jury vote double as much. in fact, the majority of times (8 times, if you include the 4th category since on both those occasions the winner came 2nd with both televote and jury vote) both have agreed on the winner. overall, the televote has gotten their winner to win the overall contest 10 times out of the 14 contests since the reintroduction of the jury.

therefore i find the conclusion that the jury is tainting the results of the contests’ winners not based in reality.

now, all of that is simply the opinion of one girl who likes eurovision. you can take it or leave it. i don’t think this will change anyone’s mind if they are dead set on the juries needing to perish in hell fire to atone for their sins against euro pop music. but more so i wanted to explain my reasoning behind still valuing the juries as an important part of the contest.

and, two last very important notes:

• käärijä not winning the contest doesn��t mean that he’s lost. it doesn’t mean that you can’t go back and watch his performance a thousand times and revel in the joy it gives you. it will always be there. music is subjective, just because a certain song wins a certain contest doesn’t mean it’s necessarily the best. he has thousands more fans now and you can always support his future career.

• being disappointed with the results of the contest however does not give you the right to send abusive messages and hate towards other contestants. käärijä himself said after the final yesterday that he cannot complain about the rules and he was happy for loreen. this is the same guy who was so distraught when he received one hate comment that he deleted all his accounts on social media. he wouldn’t want anyone to be doing the same towards his fellow artists. the contest was about being united through music, and sending hate won’t change the results, and it won’t make you feel better either.

#i may add some more onto this later but yeah this is my more coherent thoughts #if anyone wants to discuss more about this feel free to message me :)

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ramayantika · 3 months

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Since I am newly nineteen now, here are 18 things I learnt hehe

1. Sometimes life is shit but you got to hold on with all your blood, sweat and tears, with hopes still illuminating your eyes in the darkest night, because better days do come. My world did not end when I did not crack those entrance exams and saw the house be so disappointed with me. Another course and college chose me, and I found my calling and happiness.

2. Grinding is needed. Youth demands hardwork if you want to make it big, but listen fucking listen to your body and rest at times. Your dream life will never let you enjoy if you do not have the health for it. Exercise, be hydrated, eat and sleep well. As students, I understand it gets hard at times, but try maintaining a habit slowly. It pays well later.

3. It is okay to not know shit about what you want in life. If you know, amazing! If you do not, good, because life is going to surprise you with some real amazing things. You will find your story. Wait.

4. For young girls, for my younger self, you are amazing, smart, talented, wanted, admired and a beautiful human. You can be anything you want, and no matter what the world says about you, what your family says about you, you absolutely have the power to build and live the life you want for yourself. It's hard, but it can be done.

5. Just because you are naturally a quiet and reserved person, it doesn't mean you are boring, less confident and no fun. You value your energy and people. It's good. You are a good listener and a good observer. People need listeners too and your observation skills do actually help you socially when needed.

6. Just because you are extroverted, it doesn't mean you are loud, cringe and irresponsible. Heck the quiet ones like me need you all and of course we do need someone to keep the party and conversation interesting. But even then, you can absolutely be vulnerable and have someone to share your mind and heart too.

7. Follow your HOBBIES!!!! dancing, painting, singing, writing, sports etc whatever is your pick, keep doing it. You need them. You don't have to monetize it or be so skillful to make a job out of it. You can follow it because you love it and it makes you happy and not because you must make a career out of it. Life gets busy, and even difficult at times. Hobbies will help you take you mind off from difficult things. Do it for 15 mins or 30 or even an hour. But DO IT.

8. For young people, do NOT get into romantic relationships because everybody else is getting in to. Life doesn't comprise of romantic relationships. Learn to build and value friendships, relationships with classmates, older people (relatives, teachers, seniors) and with people near and around you.

9. Money is needed and money does help buy happiness. You get to watch your movies, buy your favourite pizza/momos/biryani, go to your fav cafe, buy books and art supplies, buy that lip gloss or that new shoes model with money. Paisa bhai sab kuch nahi hai yes but paisa bahut kuch hai.

10. Cherish little moments of peace and find gratitude for the things that you have. You are alive, you get to do art, play a sport, read that fanfic on the internet, afford eating at a good restaurant, afford an education etc. There is still so much you need but at least you get to have some good things in life. Some don't and have to struggle immensely for things which we have.

#samridhi speaks #life reflections #desiblr

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sirfrogsworth · 10 months

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Froggie's (Almost) Very Productive Day

I try to fit as many out-and-about chores as possible into a single day so I only have one set of post-exertional malaise consequences instead of consequences after each day of doing a thing. So any time I decide to drive, I try to find several tasks to accomplish all at once.

My first stop was the Family Services Division in the hopes of getting some help with grocery bills. I am making ends meet, but it seems to be getting harder each month. And maybe I could have skipped my trip to Florida and saved that money, but if I don't do something drastic for my mental health, I fear this first holiday season without a parent could send me into the darkness.

I needed to do an interview to finish applying for SNAP. I wanted to do a phone interview, but the next appointment was in January. So I went to social services where they allow walk-in appointments. I waited in a tiny plastic chair for several hours until they called my name. She yelled out "Benjamin" because when most people see "Grelle" they aren't really sure how to say it. (Rhymes with belly.)

She started my interview and it was going swimmingly at first. But then she started asking questions about the house and my inheritance and my trust. I had no idea what to tell her. It feels like a mistake now, but I have had pretty much no involvement in that process. I have no idea how it works. And I started to panic because she was acting like I was committing fraud or something by not mentioning the trust. But the entire point of the trust was to protect my benefits. Nothing is mine. I own nothing. I have no access. But I had no idea how to explain that.

Maybe my lawyer can help me apply, but I did not want them investigating everything and screwing things up before we even have the estate through probate. We specifically hired a lawyer and went through this convoluted process to make sure everything was on the up and up. But she really made me feel like I was doing something wrong. And that made me panic, which probably made me look even more guilty of something. So I just canceled everything and left.

After a few hours in a crowded government office, I decided to head to a different crowded government office.

I know I didn't need it until 2025, but I decided to go ahead and get my Real ID thingie before my first flight. I was kind of hoping they'd retake my picture because my current driver's license is... well...

And I'm so glad they took my big terrible picture and made it into a smaller, more terrible picture.

People complain about the DMV, but the one near me runs like a machine. It was filled with people and I still only had a 10 minute wait time.

I'm starting to wonder if all of those 80s comedians who were all, "What's the deal with the DMV?" were exaggerating.

Good stuff, Jerry.

I head up to the counter and ask for a Real ID. She asks for two pieces of mail and my birth certificate.

And this disappointed me a little bit.

I did my research. I went to the Real ID website and used their interactive guide to figure out exactly which documents I would need. They gave me this entire checklist and I printed it out and went through all my records and mail trying to find everything.

I had to wait a week for my internet bill to come because it's the only thing I forgot to change to paperless. This took a lot of effort and I was ready to be validated for being so prepared.

And she asks for two pieces of mail.

Any mail.

So I was off to get new tires.

Driving around on 8 year old bald tires was giving me anxiety. I didn't have the money for new tires, but I remember the guy saying they had financing. Recently several of my past debts went past the statute of limitations, and so my credit score lifted itself out of the pits of "poor" and into the realm of "fair." So I decided to take a chance and apply for a Discount Tire credit card. It's a 6 month payment plan with no interest, so that didn't feel as predatory as all the credit card offers I get in the mail with 8000% interest.

We started going through the approval process and I was answering all of the questions and then I saw the name of the bank offering the credit. It was the same bank that tried to sue me and also the bank that can longer collect due to the statute. I was worried they put me on some sort of list and would deny me. But, to my surprise, they approved me instantly. And wouldn't you know it, they gave me almost exactly the amount needed for a new set of tires.

I'm hoping we'll be doing another auction of the house stuff soon, so I plan to pay off the card and then cancel it, but this was the only solution I could come up with to drive safely until then.

I was having a weird day where photos of crusty rich wide dudes followed me everywhere I went. Here is my good ol' boy governor at the entrance to social services.

And at the tire place, I noticed this fella...

Why does every rich CEO think they are a font of wisdom capable of creating compelling quotes?

Does he think no one has ever said "work hard" and "have fun"? And after he said this was he like...

"That's gold, put that in *every* store."

"Oh, and use that picture of me where it looks like a handsome gal just grabbed my undercarriage."

He probably thinks, "Well, no one has put these specific generic platitudes together into a single mega-platitude. I am a genius."

"Be honest, work hard, have fun, be grateful, pay it forward" sounds like he had a bunch of motivational posters on his wall and started reading them all at once.

Like, every line could have a picture of an eagle above it.

In any case, the guy at the tire store, Dakota, was really nice. He made the experience very low anxiety. And he really liked my Thor's Hammer keychain with built in fidget spinner.

He went around showing it to all his coworkers. "Look, it even spins!" And they were like, "Dude, where did you get that??" And I was like, "Amazon." Now I'm just imagining 10 dudes at a tire store all fidgeting their hammers.

As nice as he was, Dakota was still a salesman and had a job to do. He gave me two tire options and tried to upsell me. The cheapest tires had a "1" rating for winter. He said they get "super hard" in the cold... I tried not to giggle. But I explained I drive about twice a month and mostly to the grocery store. If it is a bad winter day, I'll just wait or get delivery. He understood and set me up with the cheaper tires.

He then checked out my car and noticed my tire pressure sensors were dying. I keep getting a warning light on my dash. Apparently they all have tiny batteries in them that die after 7 years. And you can't just replace the batteries so you have to install brand new sensors.

And this is where my social anxiety got me into trouble.

I don't actually need these sensors. They are usually inaccurate. I prefer to test my tires with an actual gauge. But I got so caught up in his sales pitch that I agreed to replace them... at $60 each. For that I could have gotten the fancier tires. I really don't care if an orange light shows up on my dash. And I looked up the price online and a pack of 4 is $30. Though that is without installation.

But still... I wasn't thinking and he was so nice that I was just like, "I want to please Dakota. Saying no might make Dakota sad." Dakota's job is selling me but that doesn't mean I have to buy anything. He would live if I had said "no thanks."

To make my blunder more blunderous, when they finished the tires he asked for my key fob. And it decided that was the time for the battery to die. And in order to reset the system for the new tire pressure sensors, you have to press two buttons on the fob for 7 seconds. Thankfully I had a spare fob at home, but if I want my fancy new $240 sensors to work, I have to return to Dakota and have him initialize them.

I really hope these are the Cadillac of sensors.

Or, like, the ones they use on Cadillacs?

They better be accurate, is what I'm saying.

I do feel safer with new tires. So I am glad I did that. And I gave them a good obligatory kick and felt the tread. They seem nice enough even if they get boners in the winter. It's crazy how bald my other tires were in comparison. Like, I can fit half my finger down into the tread on the new ones—which did not get them super hard.

The way I drive, I probably won't wear them down. They'll probably start to rot before I do.

Before I do, meaning before I wear them down.

Not before I rot.

I am not in a rotting competition with my tires.

I was then off to Sam's. I decided all of my hard work accomplishing 2 out of 3 goals deserved some sushi. So I grabbed some California Rolls and headed home. On my way out, a Hummer and a Porsche nearly collided in the parking lot. And they sort of got stuck facing each other. One of them needed to back up and they both signaled at each other like "You back up, I'm not backing up." And it was just this weird standoff between the two douchiest looking cars you could imagine.

I mean, you have to be a douche to drive a Hummer.

I still remember the mystery Hummer dialysis patient from when my dad was going 3 time per week. We could never figure out who owned the Hummer, but we knew it was not the underpaid nurses and techs. So it had to be one of the patients. And none of them seemed the type. We never solved that mystery.

That hummer started off a delightful safety yellow. (Elon would cry.)

They decided this wasn't extra enough... so they did this...

Katrina and I could never decide... are these cow spots or the world's least effective camoflauge?

There was another patient who drove this old beater...

And I loved seeing this car because we had the same one when I was a little kid. I'm afraid the aesthetics of the 1980s Caprice Classic did not stand the test of time, but it had great sentimental appeal for me.

But this maroon beast that squeaked and sputtered its way from here to there belonged to a very sweet older gentleman. Sometimes he and my dad would be dialysis buddies—sitting next to each other in the recliners. And the worst thing about dialysis was the boredom. All you have to do is watch broadcast TV with 4 channels.

All of the TVs require headphones. They give you your own set of super cheap headphones in the dialysis welcome bag. They were very uncomfortable so I ordered my dad better ones with cushioned ear cups.

His dialysis buddy noticed them and thought they looked nice. And then he revealed that his free headphones broke and he didn't know how to get new ones. He had been watching TV with no sound for weeks. So, I bought another pair with the soft ear cups and my dad gave them to his friend. And it just made me happy imagining the two of them watching The Price is Right in matching headphones.

I do have to make fun of this sweet old man a little bit. When I walked passed his car I noticed he implemented the world's most effective anti-theft device ever created.

That's right... The Club™.

If someone decides they have to have a 40 year old car with an engine that sounds like a dying hyena and a hubcap missing... they are out of luck.

But hey, you gotta protect what is important to you. And if I needed a getaway car and my choices were between his beater and the Cow Hummer, I'd take his ride for sure.

Well, I'd try... and then get arrested because The Club™ is undefeatable.

Do NOT look that up on YouTube. It's 100% true. (And the Lock Picking Lawyer doesn't count due to him being able to break into Fort Knox with a paperclip and then doing it again to make sure it isn't a fluke.)

The dialysis center is in the same complex as my local Tolerable Schnucks and I still see that maroon boat of a car every once in a while. I always smile whenever it is there because it lets me know he is hanging in there and hopefully still has sound for his TV.

Wow, I went off on a mega-tangent.

I didn't even finish talking about my day. Where was I? Oh, the douche standoff finally ended. The Porsche Douche capitulated and backed up. Probably due to the fact the Hummer Douche has 0 visibility behind him.

When I got home I started devouring my sushi. I finally heard back from my lawyer. He submitted the last of the evidence for my appeal. And I was finally able to confirm he got the records of my ECT treatments from 20 years ago. I worked so hard to get those. At first, they forgot to send all records before 2011. I had to call back and figure that out. They shipped them and they didn't arrive until a week before we had to file. Everything was so last minute and my anxiety has been... palpable. It felt like when I did my science fair project on Sunday night.

He's hoping to get a decision at the beginning of next year. He warned me that these appeals are usually rejected. And that the most effective method of approval was a hearing in front of an administrative law judge. But that could be delayed by up to a year. So I might need to figure out how to survive until 2025. As long as my brother does what he is legally required to do, I should be okay. But counting on that also gives me palpable anxiety.

And that was my day.

Every time I go out is always an adventure.

But remember...

BE NICE. EAT YOUR VEGGIES. PET CUTE DOGS. DREAM BIG. KEEP YOUR TIRES WARM... FOR REASONS. 5 LIFE LESSONS -Froggie, Mildly Famous Internet Person

#long post

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