#so me and my sister have gone our whole lives used to just helping with the chores

[hella1975]

why pay for a gym membership when you can go back to the countryside and move bags of concrete for FREE 😍

[starlightomatic]

hi, i just want to remind folks that a lot of people on here have personal connections to people who died or were kidnapped on october 7th. please keep this in mind when you want to understand why we react so much when people denying, minimize, or celebrate it.

a couple of months ago i met vivian silver's best friend. vivian silver was a long-time peace activist who was burned to a crisp so badly on october 7th that it took weeks to identify her body. my ex-boyfriend's family was friends with her as well, and they spent those weeks believing she was a hostage and hoping for her return, only to discover that she had been dead the whole time.

a couple weeks ago i met the sister of a nova festival survivor. she said that the hours when her brother was out of contact and they didn't know if he was alive or dead were both the shortest and longest hours of her life. another friend of mine lost five friends that day. yet another friend lost two friends who were on a biking trip in southern israel.

a couple who i know because they attended my childhood synagogue while in the US for two years lived in kibbutz nahal oz. they always told us how beautiful it was, and how they wanted us to visit it. now we can't; it's destroyed, with several of its residents killed. they and their two young girls miraculously survived after hiding in their safe room for ten hours before being rescued. a good friend of mine's boyfriend is from one of the kibbutzim that was destroyed, but he was not there at the time and so survived.

once, many years ago when the ex-boyfriend who i mentioned above (the one who knew vivian) were on a gap year in israel, i visited him on the kibbutz he was living on on a thursday night, and his friend gave us a ride to a bus station the next day to help us get to our shabbat destinations. the friend was headed on to visit friends at kibbutz be'eri, now destroyed, with over 10% of residents killed. i don't know if that man's friends survived.

another friend of mine, who was my coworker for several months when she was in the US last year, lived in metula in northern israel, on the border with lebanon. because of the war, she and many others are internally displaced within israel, because her home is not safe from rockets. recently, a mutual friend told me her house has been destroyed.

another friend of mine attended virtual synagogue with chaim katzman, a young man who spent time in the west bank protecting palestinian shepherds. when hamas fighters opened the closet he was hiding in to capture hostages, they shot him immediately, before taking hostage the women and children hiding in the closet with him.

in total, i have at least eight friends-of-friends who were killed on october 7th. the actual number is probably far higher, since i have a lot of friends in israel and many israelis lost people; but the eight is confirmed.

all of this to say: please understand when you're interacting with me and other jumblr bloggers that this is not theoretical to us. maybe to some of you, it's an academic excercise in seeing fanon's works in practice. maybe it's about decolonial theory and you might think "ah, well, decolonization is violent, what a shame but it was necessary." please remember it's easier to think that when you're not the one sitting at a shabbat lunch table with your mom's old friend who had to learn within the past few months that a woman she'd built movements with and was best friends with had been burned so badly she couldn't be identified for weeks.

i already know that people will believe the purpose of this post is to "generate consent for genocide" no matter what i say, but i'm going to say it anyway: nothing justifies genocide. nothing justifies the brutality that israel visits on the palestinian people. the people of gaza have gone through an order of magnitude more horror than what israelis have. the entire gaza strip is destroyed; people's homes, schools, mosques, orange orchards, everything. entire families have been killed with not a single surviving member. people have starved to death. people lack sanitation, menstrual products, and safe places to give birth. children are operated on without anesthesia. this is one of the greatest humanitarian crises of this century and it is israel's fault.

we need a ceasefire now; we needed a ceasefire yesterday; we needed a ceasefire months ago; we needed this never to begin. blowing up a child in gaza does not bring back vivian, it does not bring back chaim, it does not bring back my friend's cycling friends. it doesn't untraumatize the girl who waited hours to know if her brother was okay or the young family trapped for ten hours in their safe room. and i know for a fact that vivian and chaim would never have wanted this. not in their names, or at all.

so i am not posting this in an attempt to deny, minimize, excuse, or justify the genocide of the people of gaza, or to deny or excuse the nakba, the israeli raids in the west bank, settler violence, land theft both past and present, burning of olive trees, checkpoints and the restrictions on palestinian movement, the denial of right of return, and the fact that most palestinians do not have voting rights in the country that controls their lives.

i also understand that there are folks on here who have just as many personal connections to gaza -- or more -- than i do to israel. that it's deeply personal to them too, and they have watched as loved ones die, places they love and remember are bombed to dust, and people continue to minimize it, excuse it, or fight over semantics. i understand that this post will not land well for many of those folks, and that it will have activated people to hear me speak of nahal oz as a beautiful place i wanted to visit, because that land likely once belonged palestinian families, and was seized after its residents were herded into gaza during the nakba.

and.

people are human. humans deserve to live in safety. friends of humans who are harmed will feel pain, even if those friends lived on colonized land. i also live on colonized land, i am a settler. i live on the lands of indigenous peoples. when i looked up the nation whose land i live on, i can find information about their history but no information on where they went or whether they still exist. i don't know if they experienced a genocide and were all killed, or if they joined another people. i know i have never met any of them, and i live on their land.

and i'm not the only one. millions of people on this site are also colonizers of indigenous land. if you are not indigenous or Black, and you live in the US or Canada, you are every bit as complicit as my friends' dead friends in israel. your beautiful town is not morally better than nahal oz. you recognize yourself and your friends as people; you see their humanity.

i am beyond begging you to see the humanity of israelis, i think many of you can't. instead, this is my request:

remember, as you're doing your callouts, as you're describing me as evil and a person who needs to be blocked for the safety of your followers to i don't infect you or them with my evil:

i say and feel the things i do in large part from a traumatic event that occurred less than a year ago that i am personally connected to. please use what you know of trauma to understand that.

and then, if you can do that, maybe we can start to understand how trauma plays into why israel is the way it is; why trauma is actually the biggest player. so many of you have asked "how could a people who've been brutalized and oppressed brutalize and oppress another people?" my question: why would you expect that not to happen? trauma responses include fear, anger, aggression, compassion fatigue. when a population of descendants of refugees and genocide survivors, in a world that they believe to be out to get them, either supports or turns a blind eye to their government's atrocities, i am not surprised. saddened, but not surprised.

we then have to start asking: who enacted those traumas? when will we start to see the pain of both palestinians and israelis in light of the violence inflictated by far more powerful entities? by germany in the holocaust; russia and poland in the pogroms; swana arab countries in the persecution of jews post-WW2? who's at the top here? many of you are happy to believe it's jews pulling all the strings, but who set this in motion?

who denied jews safe haven before the holocaust, thus enabling this trauma to be inflicted in the first place? the US, and nearly all countries around the world. who restricted jewish immigration even post-holocaust, thus funneling huge numbers of jewish refugees into palestine, overwhelming the population even if israel had not been a colonial project? again, the US, and many other countries. who made double-promises and drew arbitrary lines in the region leading to decades of conflict? the UK.

who's funding this war? the US. Russia. Iran. don't be fooled that any of them care about israelis or palestinians. they have their own interests.

israelis and palestinians are the collateral damage in a horrible chess game that world powers have been playing for centuries. but they are not collateral damage, they are human beings, and their lives have value. collective liberation demands we look at the levels above the oppressor to see who is holding the strings, who put the puzzle pieces in place, who set off the levers and strings in a noxious rube goldberg machine that left nahal oz and be'eri in ruins and gaza destroyed almost beyond recognition.

my friends' little girls cowering in a safe room were never the enemy. chaim katzman hiding in a closet hoping the fighters would overlook it and leave him alive, or at very least capture him instead of kill him, was never the enemy. and they can't be; not if our goal is freedom and safety for everyone in israel/palestine. choosing who will dominate and who will be the oppressed minority in whatever comes next will not be the answer we need, and will not be liberation. just as zionism was not liberation. what can we build together, when this is all over?

what do we need to dismantle and destroy?

let's start with what we don't: homes. villages. cities. kibbutzim. orange trees. olive trees.

and who do we need to fight?

let's start with who we don't: the children.

[thewritingofspencerrose]

Crumbling Down

carlos sainz x Piquet!wife oc & secret family

this is meant with no real negativity to cs55's girlfriend rebecca, and only discusses her in a slight poor light due to plot reasons.

Private Account

verity.sainz a perfect break with my whole world before flying is restricted once more by baby #4 🤍

carlossainz55 mi corazon ❤️

f1wags and we're back to race week with the first public appearance of Carlos Sainz's new girlfriend!

fan1 WHY DOES HE HAVE HIS EYES OPEN WHEN THEY KISS?

"Carlo," I can't help the crack in my voice when I say his name, "You said you would say no to them. You said you wouldn't abuse our desire to keep our private life private like this."

"Mi amor," The pet name hurts, something that used to make my body buzz with joy making me want to cry harder as I wrap my arm around my rounded stomach. "They were insistent, I've never had a woman come to the paddock outside my family and they say I needed to change that."

"You haven't gone with a woman because we decided to remain private! We didn't want to pressures of the world! So we got married, and then we had Carlos and Junie and then they were each too young to go, and just as we were about to announce the family, I got pregnant with Flora and now with Tilly-"

"Tilly? As in Matilda?" He asks, interrupting my emotional rate with a tone that is too close to joy. "You found out the baby's gender?"

We had picked out names. This wasn't how he was supposed to find out.

"Yes, she's a little girl," I admit, "The kids and I had a whole plan how to announce it once you got home."

"I can't wait to see what you have planned," Is his answer, the sounds of the garage around him getting slowly quieter as I can only assume he moves towards his drivers room.

The idea of him coming home after kissing her to kiss me, to kiss our children's foreheads, makes me want to be sick.

"At the moment Carlos, I can't promise the kids and I will be here when you get home," I whisper, the truth slipping out like razorblades. "I think we're going to go see my parents."

"Vera, you're not meant to be flying. We were cutting it close with out trip as it is," He answers, voice strong and commanding.

"That's what's upsetting you? The fact that I will be traveling and not that I've just told you that your wife and children won't be home to greet you when you return because you're parading around another woman? Because when Carlos and Junie put on the race to see their father they'll see her name with yours underneath?"

"Verity, you know that's not what I want-"

"Then why did you agree? Why did you agree after I cried to you about how the idea of you with another woman made me ill?"

"It was for a good reason," His answer is hesitant, and you can tell he doesn't mean it.

"I hope the reason was enough for you, Carlos, because I can't keep letting you love us in the dark. We'll be with a friend since you're so concerned about me traveling." He did have a good point on that matter, but I can't help but say it before hanging up, not giving him a moment to respond as I waddle my way to the living room, dropping myself on the couch.

"Mamá?" Carlos III's voice calls, his head of hair like his fathers sticking out from behind the hallway wall, "Que occure? (What happened?)"

"Oh my baby, nothing happened," I try to assure, attempting to get all the tears off my cheeks before he can really notice.

"Mamá," He prompts this time, sounding entirely fed up with my response as he moves into the room, such a serious look for a seven year old. "I heard you on the phone with Papá. What has he done?"

"Something that you do not need to worry yourself about mi mundo (my world)," I assure, pulling him into my side as he gets close. He curls into my side, hand resting on my stomach as he's done with his other sisters.

"Hola Tilly," He greets her, placing a quick kiss to where he feels her kick before looking up to me, his father's spitting image. "We're going to stay with Grandma and Grandpa?"

"No, you're father made the point that I can't travel anymore, so we're going to go see if tia Kelly and prima Penelope are up for some visitors, yeah?"

"I'll go get my suitcase and start packing," He agrees, giving me a small smile as he moves to get up. I know I'll have to repack his suitcase later, but as he runs off, all I can be is grateful for this little angel who blessed us when we were young and unprepared, much to my fathers chagrin. But my kids are who keep me together as I dial my sister's number, tears coming to my eyes when I hear her voice.

"Vera? Honey are you crying?"

"Kel, can the kids and I come visit?"

"Always. P will prep her toys and I will prep the guest rooms."

"What the fuck were you thinking," The angered Red Bull driver shouts across the paddock, storming towards the Ferrari drivers who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"Max, what's-"

"This doesn't involve you, Charlie," The Dutchman silences, eyes blazes of fire as they move to the Spaniard who's practically his brother-in-law. "You brought your girlfriend to a race and expected that to go well with your wife? The mother of your four children?"

"Tell me you did not," Charles chimes in, unable to keep the words from slipping out of his mouth at news. He had seen Carlos with a woman earlier, but had only assumed her to be a new member of his media team.

"It is none of your concern, Verstappen. What happens between my wife and I is just that."

"And I'll respect that when your actions aren't broadcasted to the entire world and having Vera call Kelly sobbing saying she's packing up the kids and leaving," Max fumes, Carlos's expression dropping at the knowledge. He had known that she was upset, that she had threatened to leave, but he thought it was just that, a threat. Not that she would actually leave the home they had designed together in Nice.

"After this race you better fix your fucking mess, because I will enforce whatever Verity wants, whether that is keeping you away from her and the kids or not."

And the Dutchman storms off, not waiting for a response.

"Kelly, I am only here to see my family."

"Carlos, you've been in our family for nine years, by law seven, but I can promise you that if Vera doesn't want you here, you will not be entering this apartment," The elder Piquet daughter warns, eyes angered by the mans simple presence.

"Kel, can I come in?" Max questions, not wanting to answer her more but also hoping to embrace her and Penelope, any week without them feeling too long.

She smiles at him, having missed him as well but her expression quickly steels. "Not if you are bringing him in with you."

"Kelly," I finally interrupt, having enough of seeing her scold my husband through the door as I breastfeed Flora. "You can just let them in, but please warn Max that I'm feeding Flora," I request, hating the idea of making the man uncomfortable in his home.

"You're okay, Ver," Max offers, his eyes immediately meeting my own and not leaving as Kelly opens the door, him and Carlos entering. "Kelly and I are actually going to go say hi to the kids, I've missed P and all of them," he says, kissing my sisters lips in a quick peck.

"Is Flora done? We could take her with us?" And it's like Flor could understand her aunt's question, because she's unlatching on cue, allowing me to pull up the piece of my top to cover myself and nod to Kel.

"Would you please? She just needs to be-"

"Burped," Max finished, taking my current youngest into his arms, kissing her head as he moves her to his shoulder. "Between P and my nephews, we've got this covered. Just let us know when you're done," He offers, kissing the side of my head.

"Thank you."

"Anything for family," He just smiles, the expression falling when he turns to Carlos who has been frozen in place. "Say the wrong things and your ass will be on the street before you can say forza ferrari."

"Sí- I mean, yes, of course," His eyes meeting mine before his next words leave his mouth. "I just want to talk apologize my wife."

"Right then, let's go say his to the kids," Kelly prompts, the two walking out with Flora in hand, the cheers of the kids upon seeing their uncle and P seeing her father figure making my heart warm.

"Mi amor, you have no idea how sorry I am for agree to the teams request for even a moment," Carlo apologizes, his body moving towards mine, taking the spot beside me and my hands into his own. "I went back to the team, they've posted an announcement saying that Rebecca and I are not together, and I gave them a photo of us from our wedding."

My heart beat fastens, his eyes meeting mine as his fingers start to fiddle with my wedding band. "Why would you do that?"

"I am having it announced that before my start in formula one I have been madly in love with you. That over those years we have married and created a family in private that I love," He explains, a hand coming to cup my cheek, running his calloused thumb to wipe away the tears that have begun slowly running from my eyes. "I no longer want to hide you. We can keep the kids to ourselves until they're older, but now everyone knows I am taken by the love of my life."

"Carlo," I can't help but whimper, flinging myself at him in a hug. "Te amaré hasta que ya no respire (i will love you until i am no longer breathing)."

"And I, you, mi amor," He assures, kissing the top of my head. "I am more sorry than I could ever put into words."

"You've fixed the situation, Carlo, we can work from this," I smile, little giggles alerting us to our observers.

And wrapped around the corner, piled on top of each other, our children's heads and niece's head are stacked, Junie's under her brothers and Penelope's in between. It's only a moment later thought that Flora appears to be floating on top of Carlos III, Max and Kelly's heads slowly appearing as well.

"Estan bien mamá y papá? (Are you okay mama and papa?)" Juniper questions us, Carlos III placing his hand on her shoulder.

"Sí," Carlos Jr answers, pulling us into a sitting position. "Ven aquí nuestros amores (Come here our loves)." Their little feet carry them strong and fast towards us, gently climbing on top of us, minding my stomach as Kelly approaches us, now holding Flora and resting her gently against my chest with a smile. "We are okay, Papa made a mistake but he has started fixing it and I will be working to so for a time."

"As you should," Carlos III digs, making me smile slightly.

"We love you all," I remind, kissing eaches head, including Penelope. "And we love each other. No matter what, things will work out and we will love you all," my little girl giggling brightly.

"Nosotros tambien te amamos mama (we love you too mama)."

[jessource]

prompts:　random quotes + excerpts.

“ you are so vulnerably haunting; your eeriness is terrifying irresistible. ” “ we’re not that different, you and i. ” “ you are a child of the cosmos, a ruler of the skies. ” “ you’re just becoming more of what you’ve always been. ” “ i’m not changing, none of us are changing. everything is fine. lets have a picnic. ” “ my father had the kind of anger all fathers do – loud and terrible. it lingers for your whole life. ” “ girlhood rots between my teeth, a sickness so sweet it aches. ” “ i wished so badly to have my own life, but you wouldn’t let me. ” “ parts of me died in the house i grew up in and i visit them in dreams. ” “ today i heard your name and my hands started shaking. please make it stop, make it stop. ” “ i wasn’t even allowed to cry over any of it, anyway! i wish the only thing that i spilled in my life was milk. ” “ this is not fun! it’s just scary! ” “ but if i hadn't fallen, i wouldn't have met you. ” “ have you let go of the ails that anchor you yet? ” “ have you let this marvelous spinning earth pull you into its arms and sweep you off your feet yet? ” “ i dream, i dream, i keep dreaming. one word in my mouth crystallises like sugar: hope. ” “ the nights get heavy like they always do. ” “ heavy wind, cold rain, and yes the stars. ” “ drifting apart always seems to hurt more as it happens. ” “ i am trying to say: look at me. ‘i am weightless. you make my heart grow light.’ ” “ right now, everything without you is almost sticky-sweet. it tastes like nectar. ” “ can you accept help or are you the eldest daughter? ” “ i swallow a bee for each ill deed done. i am a hive walking. i strain to hear you over the regret. ” “ i knew that it was cruel to be so optimistic, but, in my solitude, i couldn't resist the urge and spent entire days basking in idiotic fantasies, sometime verging on prayer. ” “ grief is not a feeling, but a neighbourhood. this is where i come from. everyone i love still lives there. ” “ there is a certain clinical satisfaction in seeing just how bad things can get. ” “ i was once very close to getting out of here. ” “ there is no moving on. only running away. ” “ i don’t love anyone. well, maybe my sister. ” “ i am infatuated with the private life, and with anonymity; perhaps even invisibility. ” “ sometimes you just need someone to tell you you're not as terrible as you think you are. ” “ i opened my mouth, almost said something. almost. the rest of my life might have turned out differently if i had. but i didn't. ” “ she is still inside of me. i carry her with me wherever i go. ” “ being a confessional human being for me is like a defense mechanism. if i can tell you the flaw before you see the flaw, then maybe it's okay. ” “ being a person didn't come naturally to me the way it seemed to for others. people who were sure of themselves awed me. i studied them and tried to mimic their ease. ” “look back at the mess you've made. try your best to pick up the pieces. ” “ not only had my brother disappeared, but– and bear with me here–a part of my very being had gone with him. ” “ i kinda wish i was buried six feet under ground. but oh god i also wish i was buried in your arms. ” “ we tell our stories differently, don’t we, you and i? ” “ you poor thing. sweet, mourning lamb. there’s nothing you can do. ” “ a golden cage is still just a cage. ” “ although i may not be yours. i can never be another’s. ” “ my mother didn't foresee what was going to become of us as a result of witnessing her despair. ”

[ilovefootballwrs]

With Me Forever - Part |

A part of the So Long, London series.

Reader x Jessie Fleming

Based on a Norwegian song called "For Evig", by Chris Holstein.

"If that was all we got, was only a moment. Then it's with me forever. If it's the last night, and we'll never see each other again. Then it's with me forever."

..................

The news of Jessie's departure didn't shock me, I already knew about it long before the others. What shocked me was how far she was going, and everything went so fast. Soon she was going to be living almost a 10 hour flight from London, from me. I would never try to stop her, it wouldn't be fair, but at the same time the distance wouldn't be fair for either of us.

. . .

"It's so weird that it's Jessie's last day in London today. When is she leaving again?" Guro asked me. Guro was always like a big sister to me. We both play for Norway, and with her being a couple of years older than me, she basically watched me grow up and our bond grew into a sibling like friendship.

"Uhm...I think her flight leaves at midnight, so probably some time before that." I said with a sad smile on my lips.

"Listen, I know how hard this is for you. You know you can always come to me if there's anything wrong, right?" She asked with a look of concern on her face.

"So cliché." I laughed. "I know Guro, I will." I gave her a genuin smile. "I have to go now, I'm helping Jessie pack the rest of her stuff, bye!"

. . .

The feeling I'm feeling right now got to be the worst feeling on earth. Packing away her stuff for her to move away is the last thing I want to do. My heart clenches for every item I pack away.

I'm just placed the last of her items in the box when I hear footsteps behind me.

"It's much more emptier now." Jessie said as she went to sit on the bed.

I looked up at her. "Well, I guess you were the one that owned most of the stuff in here.

I stood up and went to sit beside her, putting head on her shoulder and interlocked our hands.

"I'm sorry for leaving" I could her the sadness in her voice. I took my head of her shoulder to look at her. Her cheeks were slightly more red than usual and she had tears in her eyes.

"Please don't cry, Jess." I put my hand on her cheek and continued to talk. "I don't blame you for leaving, I will never ever blame you. This is just something you have to do." I tried reassuring her.

"I'm still sorry. I don't know what I'm gonna do without you." The tears fell down her face and I could feel my eyes starting to tear up.

"I don't know either." I whispered. "I never wanted to lose you."

"You don't have to you know. You don't have to lose me." She said.

"Jess-" I started before getting interrupted by her.

"Y/N we, us, don't need to be over just because I'm leaving. Obviously I would never ask you to leave Chelsea for me, but we could do long distance." She said with a pleading look. "Please Y/N- don't let this be the end of us."

"I really wish it was that simple Jess, I really do, but I don't think I could do it. My heart couldn't take it Jess." At this point I was sobbing, not giving a care in the world. "I'm really sorry Jess, I really am."

. . .

We ended up spending the last couple of hours in each others arms before Niamh came to pick Jessie up. We both figured it was easier for the both of us if it was Niamh driving Jessie to the airport.

Niamh was sat in her car to give us space to say our goodbye. We hug before Jessie pulls away. "I'll always love you Y/N. No matter what happens, you will always be the love of my life."

She pulls me back in to give me a kiss. "Our memories will be with me forever, Jessie. As will my love for you." I tell her before she has to go.

I watch her get in the car and give her a wave and a smile when she's inside it. She returns the wave with a sad smile.

. . .

It's been two weeks since Jessie left. The two most horrible week. My whole routine has changed now that Jessie is gone. I don't wake up the smell of fresh coffee and a kiss anymore. I don't get to steal my favorite hoodie of hers anymore. I don't get the "I love you"s from her anymore. And there is no one to hold me in the nights anymore.

When vacuuming the bedroom, which Jessie usually used to do, I stumble across a box under the bed. It must've been Jessies. I pick it up and put it on the bed, while I also go to sit on the bed. I don't know what to do. Should I open it? Maybe she wouldn't want me to do that? Was that the reason for why it was under the bed? Because she didn't want me to find it? I thought about it for a while before thinking "What the hell." and opening it. The box was full of pictures. I recognized some of the pictures from being from our dates together, but most of them was just of me. It was literally just of me doing the most domestic things ever, like cooking or cleaning. I look through the pictures for a while before seeing a smaller box inside the box. I can feel my hands shaking as I go to pick up the box. I open the box and see the most gorgeous ring I've ever seen. I take it out of the box and try it on. It fits perfectly.

I immediately pick up the phone.

"In how long can you come over?" I ask.

………………….

A/N: The other parts of this series are going to be longer, this was just a start of it.

[ocean-sunfish-hater]

The Real Life Biology of the Three Body Problem Series

In the first book of Liu Ci Xin's Three Body Problem series, we are introduced to our main antagonists, the Trisolarans. Whilst we never get to see them directly, we are shown some of their biology via the game that our protagonist plays.

ID: A grand domed palace in a chinese style sits in the background of the image. The foreground has hundreds of ancient Chinese soldiers holding white placards on sticks. Two people dressed in Chinese armour can be seen riding horses towards the palace.

In the game it is revealed that Trisolaris, the planet in the Alpha Centauri system on which the aliens reside, revolves around not one, but three suns. As such, the system is subject to the classic physics conundrum of the three body problem (after which the first book in the series is named), which states that for most initial conditions the trajectories of three celestial bodies is chaotic and difficult to predict.

This means that Trisolaris experiences very extreme, unpredictable conditions, divided into "stable eras" and "chaotic eras". Stable eras come about when Trisolaris settles into orbit around one of its three suns, bringing relative prosperity to the planet. However, chaotic eras result in disasters, such as extreme droughts, seemingly endless nights, and even changes in gravity. The first novel partially revolves around the Trisolarans attempting to see if humans could collectively solve the three body problem and bring some level of predictability to their planet.

During the course of the game, it is revealed to the protagonist (and us, the readers), that in order to cope with the devastation and unpredictability of chaotic eras, the Trisolarans can dehydrate themselves and enter a spore-like state, hibernating until the next stable era comes. This allows them to bypass some of the extreme conditions and ensures the survival of the species as a whole.

Believe it or not, we have our very own Trisolarans here on Earth. In fact, there's loads of examples, from bacteria to triops, to my favourite of the bunch, Bdelloid Rotifers.

ID: An electron micrograph of some Bdelloid Rotifers and their mouthparts. They are long and slender, with a distinct mouth and tail section. Their mouthparts look like two semicircles lined with a comb-like structure.

These microscopic animals look freaky, because they are. If you've got any media literacy you've probably picked up by now that I am segueing here because they are somewhat similar to the aliens in the Three Body Problem, except this time they are very much real. Like the Trisolarans, Bdelloids live in very ephemeral environments: their usual haunts are the very thin film of water on moss and lichen. As you can imagine, these do not last all that long, and thus when they dry up, so do the Bdelloid Rotifers; in biology, we call this process anhydrobiosis.

"Ok, that's all well and good Ocean Sunfish Hater, but why do you like these guys more than the other anhydrobiotic creatures that roam our good, green Earth?" I hear you ask.

So you know how things that reproduce asexually don't have all that much genetic variation, and how sexual reproduction gives you an edge over asexual populations since you can keep that genetic variation fun and funky fresh, and how that has been the cornerstone for eukaryotic reproduction? Well. Well. Just like me, Bdelloid Rotifers have been completely celibate for 35-40 million years, with some people even bringing that number up to 100 million years, when they diverged from their sister clade. So how do these turbo-virgins not go extinct, racking up tonnes of deleterious mutations, not having any advantageous innovations, and eventually exploding into a genetic soup?

The secret lies in their ability to dehydrate. Not only is it a really handy dandy way to stay alive when your only source of water is gone, it literally rips apart their cells and genes! And why! Why the fuck does that help? It sounds like the opposite of helping!

ID: An electron micrograph of the foot of a Bdelloid Rotifer. It has been shaded a light green. The structure looks almost like a face, with a smile and two stalk-like structures that could be mistaken for eyes. But this is not a face.

Having this mild-to-moderate level of cell membrane and chromosomal damage enables the Bdelloids to take up genetic material from their environment, mostly via their digestive systems, where their last meals are slowly being broken down to reveal that juicy DNA inside. When the water returns and the Bdelloids rehydrate, this genetic material gets incorporated into their chromosomes as their cells get back to work repairing themselves. And they sure ain't picky. In fact, it has been shown that in some species of Bdelloids, up to 8% of their genetic material has non-animal origins. How cool is that?

This is probably what has allowed them to continue adapting and evolving, even when they have been reproducing asexually for so long. This strategy has been so successful that the Bdelloids have managed to diversify into over 450 species. Pretty impressive for a class of animals that haven't had sex in over 40 million years.

Perhaps the Trisolarans might have a similar mechanism as part of their biology (even if they do reproduce sexually as stated in the book). Maybe they've managed to survive for this long because they have been able to absorb useful genes from their home planet, just like Bdelloids have been doing here on Earth. I don't know if these are what Liu Ci Xin had in mind when he wrote the Three Body Problem, but they sure were what I was thinking of when I read the book.

If you're still here, thanks for reading! I know this was a bit of a longer post, but I just wanted to use the new Netflix show to talk about one of my favourite books and one of the weirdest, most underappreciated animals.

[marichive]

𝐋𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 : 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐖𝐎

Writing / roleplay prompts collected from the POV chapters of Cersei Lannister in A Feast for Crows & A Dance with Dragons , the fourth and fifth books of the ASOIAF saga. Feel free to adjust pronouns / etc. as needed.

tw: dark & mature themes, death, violence, suggestive / sexual content

❝ This must be answered fiercely! ❞

❝ She should be on her knees, begging for my help. ❞

❝ The ironmen live their whole lives at sea. ❞

❝ What has emboldened them? ❞

❝ Carrion crows make their feasts upon the carcasses of the dead and dying. They do not descend upon hale and healthy animals. ❞

❝ Reavers do not come in such strength. ❞

❝ She is making excuses for her brother. ❞

❝ The enemy of my enemy is my friend. ❞

❝ If he thinks that I am going to walk into his trap, he is a bigger fool than you. ❞

❝ He is as insolent as his sister. ❞

❝ Sad to say, all of us must deal with scum from time to time. ❞

❝ At least he has the sense to beg. ❞

❝ The castle will be yours within a fortnight if I have to tear it down with my bare hands. ❞

❝ Your courage takes my breath away. ❞

❝ You have a gallant brother. ❞

❝ Young men are overbold, and think only of the glory of battle and never of its dangers. ❞

❝ This plan of his is fraught with peril. ❞

❝ Why would you laugh? ❞

❝ Why? Elsewise I might weep. ❞

❝ That one has outlived any usefulness he ever had. ❞

❝ I had another sort of champion in mind. ❞

❝ What he lacks in gallantry he will give you tenfold in devotion. ❞

❝ So you say. Words are wind. ❞

❝ Might I ask about the armor? ❞

❝ Play me for a fool, and you’ll die screaming. ❞

❝ These walls have ears. ❞

❝ What hour is it? ❞

❝ Little sneaks, the lot of them. ❞

❝ Vapid, weepy creatures, always telling their tales and trying to worm their way between us. ❞

❝ An empty bed is a cold bed. ❞

❝ Let him weep in hell. ❞

❝ I was concerned when I woke and found you gone. ❞

❝ He does not have it in him to defy the Iron Throne. ❞

❝ She has made many friends about the court. ❞

❝ A few suitors does not concern me. ❞

❝ She repaid my kindness with betrayal. ❞

❝ I would be very sad if you ever betrayed my trust. ❞

❝ I will never give you cause to weep. ❞

❝ I want only to be close to you. To serve you, however you require. ❞

❝ And for this service, what reward will you require? ❞

❝ It pleases me to please you. ❞

❝ You hurt me. ❞

❝ It was the wine. I drank too much wine. ❞

❝ Our marriage was a melee. ❞

❝ You have a strange look in your eyes. Are you unwell? ❞

❝ I was just . . . remembering. ❞

❝ Has she lost her wits? ❞

❝ She’s . . . she’s not in a good way, if you take my meaning. ❞

❝ No, stay. One of us should get some rest, at least. ❞

❝ Gods be good, what has happened to your face? ❞

❝ Drink this. The wine will calm you. ❞

❝ Stop that weeping and tell me why you’re here. ❞

❝ Am I the only one here with a pinch of wits? ❞

❝ Your cretin of a husband wrote his own death warrant. ❞

❝ A splendid plan. Dare I ask how it went awry? ❞

❝ Sellswords have no pity. ❞

❝ An arrow gone astray, a fall from a horse, an angry boar . . . there are so many ways a man can die in the woods. ❞

❝ Where am I to go? What will I do? ❞

❝ You are weary and sick of heart, that’s plain to see. ❞

❝ I cannot have her spreading tales about the city. ❞

❝ Her grief has made her witless. ❞

❝ I am surrounded by enemies and imbeciles. ❞

❝ Why does he insist on vexing me? ❞

❝ Grin all you wish, you’ll be screaming soon enough. ❞

❝ When the time comes, I shall swat you as if you were a fly. ❞

❝ Too much wine and too little sleep. ❞

❝ Does that feel good? ❞

❝ I am the queen. I mean to claim my rights. ❞

❝ Do as you will with me. I’m yours. ❞

❝ You claimed your rights, but in the darkness I would eat your heirs. ❞

❝ She sounds as if she is being gored. ❞

❝ My sweet, how shall I pleasure you? ❞

❝ Tell me what you would have of me, my love. ❞

❝ His wounds are grievous. ❞

❝ Tell me. I want to know all of it, from the beginning to the end. ❞

❝ I do not want her to hear these tidings from a stranger. I will tell her myself. ❞

❝ How did he die? ❞

❝ I would spare you the worst of it. ❞

❝ Dying is not dead. ❞

❝ I know what you want. Get out. ❞

❝ Now you know how I felt, the night he died. ❞

❝ Let me be avenged at long last. ❞

❝ I see you are as lovely as the tales. Even beyond the Narrow Sea we have heard of your great beauty. ❞

❝ It is my hope I can at least offer you some balm for your pain. ❞

❝ I bring you justice. ❞

❝ It was a proud name once, before he dishonored it. ❞

❝ I suppose it was too much to hope for. ❞

❝ I ought to have him strangled. ❞

❝ It saddens me to see you so careworn. I say, run off and play and leave the Hand to hear these tiresome petitions. ❞

❝ We could dress as serving girls and spend the day amongst the smallfolk. ❞

❝ You are a wicked thing to tempt me so. ❞

❝ Drunk on gods, the lot of them. ❞

❝ Do not presume to preach at me. ❞

❝ They peck at you like a murder of crows. Every one wants a piece of your flesh. ❞

❝ I won’t let you hurt her. I won’t. ❞

❝ When I kissed her cheek, I could taste the salt of her tears. ❞

❝ Turn away. There is nothing here for you. ❞

❝ Never wake a sleeping sorceress. ❞

❝ You will not like my answers. ❞

❝ When will I wed the prince? ❞

❝ You will wed the king. ❞

❝ I require something stronger. Something that will not let me dream. ❞

❝ What did I just say? Have your ears grown as feeble as your cock? ❞

❝ Some doors are best left closed. ❞

❝ No harm will ever come to him as I live. ❞

❝ Blood magic is the darkest kind of sorcery. Some say it is the most powerful as well. ❞

❝ Swords have two edges. ❞

❝ The very men who guard her could be used to bring her down. ❞

❝ Her lovers are not like to confess, knowing it would mean their heads as well as hers. ❞

❝ I did my best to ease his passing. ❞

❝ I provide her with sleeping draughts and . . . other sorts of potions. ❞

❝ Are you blind or bought? ❞

❝ He stood in her way, so she put him in his grave. ❞

❝ My loyalty has always been to the crown, to the realm. ❞

❝ What I want to know is why she has need of you. ❞

❝ I’ll hear the truth, or you’ll wear chains. ❞

❝ I know what moon tea is for. ❞

❝ Get off your knees and try to remember what it was to be a man. ❞

❝ Moon tea. How foolish of her. Why would she do such a thing, take such a risk? ❞

❝ She has appetites he cannot satisfy. ❞

❝ She may claim he never touched her, but I will not believe it. ❞

❝ My son has been betrayed. ❞

❝ She has a lover. ❞

❝ She’s got a pretty little neck. A good sharp sword will go right through it. ❞

❝ I am awash in roses. ❞

❝ Treason is treason, but we must have proof. ❞

❝ We need to catch them during the deed. ❞

❝ She is too shrewd to be caught so easily. ❞

❝ Their names will live in shame. ❞

❝ It is in your blood. ❞

❝ Will you consent to serve? ❞

❝ It is easy to see why you are her favorite. ❞

❝ The man will confess before the night is done. ❞

❝ I am sorry if the guards were rough with you. ❞

❝ Her scheming forced this on me. She has soiled me with her treachery. ❞

❝ I must be strong. What I must do, I do for him and the realm. ❞

❝ Piss on your prophecy. ❞

❝ In a world so full of treachery, that was worth a few kisses. ❞

❝ She is no worse than most men. ❞

❝ A bath will set you right, my sweet. ❞

❝ It will go hard on him, to lose them all. ❞

❝ There is more of sly than shy in her. ❞

❝ Stay with me. I do not want to sleep alone. ❞

❝ Please, not my children, do not harm my children. ❞

❝ Did I scream? I’m sorry. ❞

❝ Why does he frighten you so? ❞

❝ I want to see my son. ❞

❝ All I do, I do for him. ❞

❝ I was never so sweet and innocent. ❞

❝ In this world the weak are always the victims of the strong. ❞

❝ You did me a valiant service once, but now I have a harder task for you. ❞

❝ Aye, and I have something hard for you. ❞

❝ It’s you I want. ❞

❝ You may take all the kisses you like. ❞

❝ Are you refusing to obey me? ❞

❝ The thing is, the best lies have some truth in them. ❞

❝ I would not want it said I made a liar of you. ❞

❝ Give me an hour, and meet me in my bedchamber. ❞

❝ We waited long enough. ❞

❝ You can keep the crown on. I like you in the crown. ❞

❝ First we must dance the dance and never miss a step. ❞

❝ A sweet face often hides a sinner’s heart. ❞

❝ I do not believe a word of this. ❞

❝ He is young and lusty, I will grant you. ❞

❝ A fool he may be, but he wears his folly honestly. ❞

❝ I am free of your croaking malice at last. ❞

❝ The smallfolk are fond of her. ❞

❝ They will not take well to this. ❞

❝ It must not come to blood, and I mean to see that it does not. ❞

❝ You are mistaken. A lion never cries. ❞

❝ I pray that I never offend you. You are terrible when roused. ❞

❝ Any mother would do the same to protect her children. ❞

❝ When do you mean to bring that boy of yours to court? ❞

❝ Last night I confessed to the Septa that I wished to scratch her eyes out. ❞

❝ Damn them all to the seven hells. ❞

❝ I love them all, and they love me. ❞

❝ He will never have a wife that you don’t hate. ❞

❝ I am not your daughter, thank the gods. ❞

❝ You are being foolish. I am only here to help you. ❞

❝ I will teach them what it means to put a lion in a cage. ❞

❝ Do not presume to touch me. ❞

❝ I need you now as I have never needed you before. ❞

❝ I love you. I love you. I love you. ❞

❝ I ask only as a mother, fearful for her child. ❞

❝ I was lonely and afraid. ❞

❝ I did not know who to trust, so I . . . I used the only means that I had to bind them to me. ❞

❝ Did you take him into your bed to win his loyalty as well? ❞

❝ He was kind and gentle and I needed someone. ❞

❝ Do they say I am a skinchanger now? A warg? ❞

❝ There is no shred of truth to it. I deny it. ❞

❝ I fucked him on the morning of my wedding. ❞

❝ It is good to see you smiling again. ❞

❝ You are still angry with me. I hear it in your voice. ❞

❝ He wanted me more than I ever wanted him. ❞

❝ Let them slaughter each other, the realm will be the better for it. ❞

❝ She was just a child, my precious princess. ❞

❝ No harm will come to me today. Only my pride will suffer. ❞

❝ I will not give you the pleasure of hearing me beg. ❞

❝ Hair grows back. ❞

❝ Remove your shift. ❞

❝ Do you find this amusing? ❞

❝ One day I will have your tongue ripped out with hot pincers, and that will be hilarious. ❞

❝ I will see you safely through the city. ❞

❝ My blood and my betrayer. ❞

❝ That was not supposed to happen. ❞

❝ I would have made her a good marriage. ❞

❝ If he’d only done as he was told, we would have never gone to war. ❞

❝ I can do this. I must. ❞

❝ Vain and proud she was, before. So haughty you’d think she’d forgotten she came from dirt. ❞

❝ I am a lioness. I will not cringe for them. ❞

❝ These creatures have no sweeter joy in life than jeering at their betters. ❞

❝ They think that this will break my pride, that it will make an end to me, but they are wrong. ❞

❝ I am not afraid. I am a lioness. ❞

❝ All hail the royal teats. ❞

❝ Have you forgotten who I am? ❞

❝ You do not need to drag me. ❞

❝ It will be over soon, it will be behind me, then I can forget. ❞

❝ I am beautiful, the most beautiful woman in all of Westeros. ❞

❝ He never loved me, but he saw that I was beautiful. He wanted me. ❞

[cvpiddszn]

𝐟𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬 | 𝐣.𝐡𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐞𝐬

a/n: first time writing on tumblr, just needed some angst. it's an au that i made, sorry if the names are confusing. might make a part two.

summary: birdie is tired of feeling like jack doesn't love her anymore

warnings: babies, swearing, angst, a whole lot of frustration

word count: 2.7k

series: part one, part two, part three

I never thought that after five years I would’ve gotten into a routine with my children but with time, I did. I loved my two boys but with our newer arrival; Amara Lane Hughes, being born in the summer didn’t have all the perks. Sure it meant that Jack was around for her birth and there to help me but it also meant that Amara became more codependent on her father being there every waking moment.

It seemed only a minute ago –it had been two hours– that I had put down the little hothead. She was falling asleep in my arms after crying out. It was clear that she missed her father. Sometimes I wished that Jack had just left the girl alone, but he always caved desperate to hold the little girl. He refused to let her sleep in her crib, setting her in between us late at night when I was only too exhausted to argue. I often wondered if our spark was gone, that we didn’t have any of our youth left and with Jack constantly with our baby, there was never a second alone for us. Kisses on the cheek and small praises were all that were exchanged between us.

I knew that it was wrong to feel this way. Especially when I knew that I loved Amara with my entire heart. I should be thankful that I have a husband that loves their kids so much but some part of me was selfish. I just wanted a minute with my husband, but it seemed that when he was home and when it was time for the little girl's nap, Daddy always tucked her into our large bed and fell asleep with her.

The loud cry from my daughter’s room snapped me from my daze. I blinked at the screen, Jack’s hockey team’s highlights playing on the screen. I pushed myself from the couch, the twins; Lowen and Lake, sitting on the other end of the couch happily watching their father’s game highlights, pointing at the people they knew. 

I flipped the lights of Amara’s bedroom on, I knew that the little girl preferred our bed now, after too many times that Jack took her in there. It didn’t help that I had just finished breastfeeding, resorting to formula now. Amara was not okay with the change in her life. I picked up the girl whose eyes adjusted to the brightness, realizing that it was her mother rather than her father, she instantly began to cry.

I bounced her softly, cooing in hopes that it would calm her but she continued to cry, “Sh, Mara. It’s okay, Daddy’ll be back tomorrow. How does that sound?” I spoke quietly, admiring her blue eyes much like J’s. At the mention of her father, the girl’s eyes frantically looked around searching for her protector upon realizing that he wasn’t there she cried louder.

I hoped that at the sight of her brothers, she calmed, so I took her into the living room settling on the couch. Lake perked his head up at his little sister, settling beside his little sister and I but the little girl only whined further. The little girl’s head snapped at the sound of her father’s voice, she perked up towards the TV, showing an post-game interview. A gurgling noise came from her as her smile came shining through. Amara’s other hand –that was not gripping onto my finger– made a grabby motion at the TV. 

“Do you boys mind finding me your sister’s soother? I think it might be in Daddy and I’s room on the bedside table.” I asked, to which Lake and Lowen both nodded being the angel children they were. I couldn’t remember a time that they never listened to me, being momma’s boys all the way. I was beginning to miss that stage when my babies needed me and didn’t cry constantly. They were good babies. Upon the boys' leave, Amara only cried harder, the echoing sound beginning to hurt my ears. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I wish your dad was here too,” I began to speak, feeling the knot at the back of my throat, “You should be lucky, Mara. Daddy loves you so much. If he could steal the world for you, he’d do it.”

Tears of frustration began to fall as my daughter threw her hands out in a tantrum, I laid her back against my thighs, and the girl squirmed from side to side unsatisfied with how everything was going. I attempted to keep my voice light, but with tears continuing to fall I couldn’t help but feel my heart get lodged into my throat, “I don’t know how to make it stop, sweetheart. You’re probably just tired.” It wasn’t a lie, she hadn’t gotten much sleep in her bed which she had never gotten used to, but it was always me who had never gotten any sleep.

Lake stopped in front of me, noticing my sadness, he frowned. “Don’t cry, Mommy.” He said, his thumb coming forth to wipe away the tears falling. With the pacifier in his hand, he placed it into Amara’s mouth, whose crying began to stop. Lake crawled in beside me placing a pillow under his arm patting it softly and I took his hint. Passing Amara over to her older brother who had this gentle look in his eyes as he stared at the infant.

All the while, Lowen Hughes had gotten ahold of my phone, calling his father immediately. Pressing the phone over his ear, to listen to the ring. It wasn’t unusual that Lowen called his father, they made sure to check in on each other constantly, talking to their father through my text messages or calls. 

“Hey, Bird I’m kind of busy right now. So I’ll need to call you back. Later tonight with the boys-”

“Dad?” Lowen asked gently making sure to keep his voice down to that I wouldn’t hear. The last thing he needed was to get in trouble for calling Dad while he was working.

There was a silent pause for a moment, one filled with confusion on the other end. “Hey, bud. What’re you doing with your mom’s phone?” A door shut on the other side, for privacy.

“Lake said that he saw mom crying with baby Amara,” Lowen stated quietly, he peered out the door checking to see the three of them were still occupied. “Mara is giving Mom a hard time. When do you get back?”

“I get back tomorrow morning, bud. I’ll be there when you wake up. Do you want to hand the phone to Mom?” At his father’s question, Lowen nodded, not realizing that his father couldn’t see him. The younger boy walked out into the living room, holding my phone out to me. I raised my brow in question and he mouthed back “Dad”.

With Lake and now, Lowen, being preoccupied with their little sister that was sleeping soundly in Lake’s arms. “Hey,” I spoke into the phone, my voice soft as a small smile finally graced my face, warmth filling my body at the thought of Jack calling me to check up on her.

“Lo called,” my heart dropped, “How’s my girl doing?” Jack’s voice was a comfort to hear, better than the screaming cries of our daughter on the couch. 

The warmth was back, “Good, she misses you,” I spoke, clearly talking about myself as I kept hushed over the phone like it was a secret that I couldn’t share with anyone else, certain that Amara would scream in jealousy at me getting to talk to her father.

“Really? Lo said she was giving you a hard time. I’ll be home soon, babe.” The tears began to well up in my eyes again as I crouched into the corner, away from the sight of my children but my eyes were always trained on them. I had truly thought that he meant me. It was an honest mistake. I felt so fucking stupid and selfish thinking that I deserved more effort from my husband. This was the life that I had wanted.

My hand covered my sobs over my mouth, letting out a half hum of a reply. Everything was tuned out as I could hear the beeping of the other line completely missing everything that my husband was blabbering on about. Too focused on trying to slow my heart rate and compose herself for my children.

Through blurry tears, my finger hovered over the contact before pressing it, listening to the rings go through one after the other. The one person I knew would be there in a second without hesitance. Her best friend. And she would be sure to call Isla right after, knowing that she would want to know exactly what happened, though I didn’t need a mediator right now, I needed comfort that I was right to know that it was okay for me to feel like this rather than having to talk to my husband about it.

“Hey, Bird! Did you see that picture I sent you? Holls is a little troublemaker just like her father is.” Kiera cooed softly at her child, but I couldn’t hold it in, I sobbed into the phone curling my hands before pushing my nails deeply into my palms like I did when I was younger. “Oh my god, Bird! Are you okay? Fuck, I’m coming over, bringing Holls with me. You’re telling me everything!”

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Holland and Amara were sleeping soundly upstairs. Kiera used one of the twins’ old cribs for Holland. Amara was quiet most of the time, having her Aunt Kiera set her into her bed while I cuddled up to Holland who was rather fond of me. Kiera soon took up her daughter –who had fallen asleep in her my arms– into a crib. 

The brunette let me lean my head against her chest, listening to her heartbeat. The twins put on some movie that they liked but eventually, it was going to be their bedtime too. “I swear, babies like everyone but the person that birthed them.” The brunette commented, her hand running through my hair in a soothing manner that I was sure could have me falling asleep in a few seconds.

“I don’t know how you do it, Kie.” I sighed, my body comforted in warmth between her sister and a blanket that my boys had placed on us. 

Kiera just laughed, “Bird, you’ve got two amazing boys. And they’re twins by the way! With Amara, you’ve got three kids to take care of you. One isn’t even a year old yet! You’re doing great, Bird.” She kissed the top of my head letting me be lulled to sleep. “I’ll put the boys to sleep, Bird. It’s okay. I’ve got you.” Her arms tightened around me, squeezing me every once in a while to let me know that she was always there and when I could hear hushed whispers and small steps on the floor I finally calmed to sleep. The first time that I had in three days.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

"You listen here Jack Hughes,” Kiera Finch’s finger pushed against her brother-in-law’s chest, “I’m taking your three children sometime this week. You are going to take out your wife, and show her that you still love her.” She spoke quietly, looking rather intimidating as baby Holland was placed onto her hip.

Nico kissed his wife on the cheek to which she smiled softly, patting his cheek gently before he grabbed onto the diaper bag pulling it up onto his shoulder. “Let’s go, firecracker.” He joked, beginning to poke Holland’s sides to which she giggled, hands reaching out towards her father.

Kie hummed, snapping her head back as she glared at Jack. “Understand? I’ll text you the details and when you will be doing it. Don’t screw this up, Hughes.” Despite his confusion at his sister-in-law’s speech and rather harsh scolding, he nodded along wishing nothing more than to curl up with his baby girl.

When the door shut, Jack smiled at the smell of his home knowing that his wife would be asleep in their bed. He decided that he didn’t want to wake her up, he would take some weight off her chest, get the two boys ready for school and little Amara up from her sleep. 

He learned that he shouldn’t question when Kiera Hischier came over to their house, though he at least thought that she would’ve stopped with the nine-month-old but she never did. No matter how young the baby was or how tired they were Kiera always made time to see her big sister. Sometimes they even had Flora and Wren –Flora's step-daughter– come over with them. Wren was good with the younger girls, and it wasn’t a surprise when Bird told Jack that Wren had asked Flora when she and Dawson were going to have a kid.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

I didn't sleep as long as I wanted to. If I could’ve stayed asleep in a coma, I would’ve, but the overwhelming smell of bacon filled the room. I realized that early on during my pregnancy with Amara, I hated the smell of bacon, the sad reality was that it turns out that it was something that never ended after she was born. Which was extremely upsetting because I really loved bacon.

After getting ready, I walked into the kitchen. Smiling at my children, Lo and Lake sat at the table chowing down their pancakes. Their appetites were quite large for five-year-olds but it wasn’t something unusual. Ellen said that J’s eating habits were the same as a kids.

“Babe, you’re up! I thought I’d let you sleep in a bit.” Jack’s voice made me jump. I knew that he was supposed to be back but something in my mind had pushed it back. As he leaned forward for a kiss, I turned my face allowing him to kiss my cheek. No ‘I missed you’ or ‘I love yous’ from either of us, a tension filling the room.

I ignored my husband, kissing my boys on their heads. Smiling at Amara who giggled softly, in a much better mood with her father home now. Pressing a kiss to her head, I ran a hand over her head feeling the amount of hair. There was quite a bit, especially for so young but I loved her regardless, certain that she picked it up from my younger sister; Flora, who had a full head of blonde hair practically as soon as she was born. 

The two boys placed their dishes into the sink, grabbing their lunches that had been packed the day before. The three of us had a routine down by the start of October with Jack’s morning skates. Normally they consisted of Amara tagging along with us but I assumed that Jack wanted the little girl to himself for a while. Getting in their constant father-daughter bonding time.

I grabbed my phone off the charger, seeing the missed call from last night. I could the van door slam shut outside. “Shit, sorry I missed your call.” I frowned, shoving the phone into the back pocket of my jeans. At the sudden grasp on my waist, I gasped, steadying myself by holding onto Jack’s shoulders.

“We should do something today. You, Amara, and I? What do you say, Mama?” His charming smile almost made me want to say yes. To spend the entire day together, hoping that the hole that was in my heart filled with borrowed time. A sudden whine interrupted Jack from saying anything more, he sighed leaning his head onto my shoulder.

“Your girl is calling you,” I teased, and I know that I shouldn’t have made the dig. It was our baby. It was my baby. It felt wrong that I felt so jealous of something so small, something so big in our life, something I knew might’ve happened. I didn’t have a right to feel like this, it wasn’t right to feel like this. “I’ve got errands to run today. Maybe some other time?” 

“Yeah, okay.” It wasn’t my fault that I didn’t see the sadness on his face, our daughter squealing in anger needing some sort of attention from her father, but Jack couldn’t even stay focused watching me, his wife, walk out of the house like there was nothing wrong when we both knew deep down that something was so very wrong.

[hepaidattention]

my chaotic obx4 part 1 thoughts.... without any order

OBX Spoilers!!!

JJ's name is Jackson............????????? WHATS HIS MIDDLE NAME

jiara is everything. they are my everything. they literally are all we ever wanted. would never complain for more kissing maybe, okay just slightly. like a kiss on the cheek even. but they are perfect. perfection.

ruthie. you don't even have to listen to jj's threats honey. because it's KIARA you should really be scared of. wrong pogue to make an enemy of.

protective jj makes me just.... ugh. he will do ANYTHING crazy and thoughtless and dangerous but if kiara wants to he's gonna be level headed and try to talk her out of it. he's a presh bean

absolutely love Kiara Carrera and absolutely hate her parents. wouldn't expect anything less from our girl, but the fact that her parents said "don't come back unless he's gone" and she said "okay bye then" and never looked back is just. I love her. I love jiara.

the writers really said "lets make jj's mom dead and oh yeah that asshole dad? not his real dad - raised him out of the goodness of his heart, then beat him. yeah but NO no no no noNO no sarah can't be his sister. the fans want that too bad."

the way kiara put up a pillow to make out with JJ (or more *wink*) in the chamber pod thingy *chefs kiss* and the way she and JJ had traded places, of course implying that there was definitely some rolling around going on in there *wink* best part imo (just woulda been better if we had seen them kiss but its fine IM FINE) I'm just a slut for some kiss scenes that's all. I honestly didn't even feel like their dynamic needs it. I just like to see that kissing content

I actually really love the dynamics this season. They have THREE couples in the main group and they've done amazing not making it feel like that, tbh. Though I did get frustrated because I COULD use a little more PDA sometimes, it also (especially for JJ and Kie) makes perfect sense for their characters. Plus, as friends first (and friends for so long), it's nice watching them get to slowly be more comfortable in showing affection beyond closed doors.

I know Rafe is crazy. really I do. but I really want him to become good. I love how this girl has seemed to help that, too. she's a pogue and he doesn't care - like he does but he loves her anyway and it's helped him realize why Sarah did what she did. being a pogue doesn't really change who you are. He also has shown remorse for hating on pogues, like the whole beach scene. I saw someone say they didn't understand the point but I think the point was to show us Rafe and his gf (forgot her name I'm so sorry girly), and show how mad she became, and for Rafe to realize maybe this whole pogue vs kook thing was STUPID and hurtful. It also seems to have to do with Topper development but I kind hate Topper so I don't care about him lolll

still not over the jiara kiss. THEY"VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR ALMOST 2 FUCKING YEARS.

JJ. Babe. I love you. But you have dated that girl for 2 years and have not taken her out on a date???? I know, I get it, you've been very busy building a life. BUT HONEY. tsk tsk. Treat her right, sir.

Absolutely love how soft he gets towards her.

Pope: scolding

JJ: I KNOW MAN I DON'T NEED TO HEAR THIS ALRIGHT??? I DID WHAT I DID AND I DIDN'T DO NOTHING WRONG

JB: argues

JJ: IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT ACTUALLY

Kie: scolds

JJ: you're right baby I'm so sorry I'm just trying to help

the pogues being pogues. this season feels very fanfic in the best ways. like we actually got all of them living together in one house???? all just being best buds and loving one another platonically (and romantically)???? and I'm just. I love it. it's what we all asked for and it was worth the wait (tho the wait has been very very long)

it's the way Sarah and JB put up a seashell to let them know they're busy *wink* and Kiara almost walks in and says it's getting excessive IMPLYING that Sarah and Kie are roommates. which that makes me cackle because now I think JJ and JB are roommates and Kie and Sarah are roommates but JB stays in Sarah's room so much that Kie basically lives in JB and JJs room

cannot get over how solid jiara is. they're just... they're just right. they fit. and now that they've been together for 2 years working crap out, there's no silly early dating drama. it's just JJ being JJ, or Kie being Kie, and they both know each other so well they know there's not a reason to even argue. like JJ didn't even fight Kie on diving because he knew he couldn't fight her. she's too stubborn. just like Kie knows there's no need in getting mad at JJ when he does something wreckless because he does something like all the time. she knows talking to him calmly is the only way to even reach him anyway.

JJ: does something stupid

Sarah: "your bf's doing something stupid again"

Kie: "I know this and I love him."

cannot wait to see how they all get back together, or how Kie and JJ reunite, or how Kie will react to the news, or Rafe will help with this adventure, and how JJ will meet his dad (even though I wish it was Shoupe and not the random evil dude).

Also. They WOULD give JJ a death curse. SMH.

[canirove]

Friends, lovers… and an orange | Chapter 3

Previous chapter | Next chapter

Masterlist

Adele had been on her daily run for less than twenty minutes, when she noticed that a car was following her.

"Shit, fuck" she said under her breath, looking for a place where she could hide or ask for help. But she was in a residential area, so she sped up until she made it to the closest open business she could find: a flower shop.

"Hi, good morning" she said, trying to catch her breath. "Could you please do me a favour?"

"Of course" the woman from the shop smiled.

"Could you check if there is a grey car waiting outside? I think they've been following me."

"Oh dear" the woman said. "Wait here. I'll go outside as if you've asked for some of the flowers I have there."

"Thank you" Adele replied.

"You were right, there is a grey car outside" the woman said when she walked back into the shop. "I saw a man leaving the passenger seat, nod towards here, and then talk to the driver."

"Shit. Shit, shit, shit."

"It's ok, I won't leave you alone" the woman smiled again. "Come to the back of the store with me. I'll make you a cup of tea while we wait for the police."

"Thank you very much, ma'am" Adele said while trying to contain her tears.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"And?"

"They are gone" Luca said, sitting next to his sister. "I'm pretty sure the police scared the hell out of them."

"Good" Adele said. "They deserve it for doing the same to me."

Paparazzis. The men who had been following her, were paparazzis.

Turns out that the girls at the restaurant where she and Mason had had dinner, the ones she swore had said their names, recognized them the moment they walked in and had spent the whole night taking photos of them and posting them on social media, the press writing articles about it not long after. And if you only saw the photos, they did look like a couple on a date. The smiles, the way they were looking at each other, Adele touching Mason's hand...

"Is there anything else I could do for you?" the woman from the flower shop offered.

"Oh, no, don't worry. We are leaving" Adele said. "But thank you very much for your help, the tea, the company... You are an angel."

"Just doing what anyone would do" she smiled.

"I'm not so sure of that" Luca said. "But thank you for taking care of my sister."

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"I can't fucking believe it!"

"Mase..."

"No! They followed you! They harassed you! They crossed so many lines!"

When Luca and Adele had made it home, Mason was already there, pacing around the living room. And when he saw her, he had ran towards her and hugged her in a way he had never before, completely catching her by surprise.

"But now it is over" she said. "They know that if they do it again, we will call the police and they will be in trouble."

"Yes, them. But what about the other photographers? What if they do the same? This is not ok, Addie. It is not."

"What should we do, then?" Luca asked. 

"Ignoring it like everyone has suggested us hasn't worked, so it's time we take matters into our own hands."

"Mase, what are you going to do?" Adele asked him while watching him furiously type on his phone.

"End this" he grunted.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"I know it is early for Christmas or my birthday, but I already know what I want as a gift: for the press to stop harassing my friends. Do you think that will do anything?" Jourdan asked Adele over the phone.

"I don't know" she sighed. 

That had been the message Mason had posted on his Instagram stories and twitter account, and so far, people were going nuts about it. Them, and his agency. They hadn't liked that he had done something like that without consulting them first, but he didn't seem to care.

"When are you coming back home?"

"In a couple of days when Mason is done with his job. His agency booked us the tickets."

"Is that wise, tho? Traveling together after everything that has happened?"

"I don't know" Adele said again. "I honestly don't know what to do anymore, what is a good choice or a bad one. But if there are paps at the airport, at least I know I'll have him by my side."

"Addie..." Jourdan chuckled.

"What?"

"That sounded as if... As if you are starting to feel something for him."

"What? No! We are just friends!"

"Yeah, yeah. But maybe this thing about people believing that you are together is starting to like... rub off?"

"Jourdan, no. We are just friends."

"Ok, ok. Just friends" she repeated. Though she didn't sound too convinced.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"I wish the flight had been longer" Adele yawned, resting her head on Mason's shoulder while they waited for their luggage.

"You shouldn't have slept that much. Jet lag is gonna kick your ass" he laughed.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

"Just try not to fall asleep here, ok?"

"I don't think I would be able to even if I wanted to. What is going on?" she said, turning around to see what was causing all that noise.

"Fuck" Mason whispered. The paparazzis. They had found them and were inside the airport, security trying to keep them away.

"What are we going to do?"

"Mr. Mount? Miss Turlington?" a security guard said next to them. "Please follow me, I'll get you out of here."

"But our luggage..." Adele said.

"Don't worry about that now, Miss Turlington. Please follow me."

"C'mon" Mason said, grabbing her hand and starting to walk. 

"Please let us through. Please" the man said while trying to push the photographers away. They had followed them after seeing Mason and Adele leave, and there were so many of them.

"Mase..."

"It's ok, we are almost there. I've got you" he said, giving her hand an encouraging squeeze. He was walking in front of her, protecting her from everything and everyone. If he hadn't been there, Adele was sure she would have not survived it. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Addie, are you sure you are ok?" 

"Yeah, yeah. For once I'm not complaining about being jet lagged." Because it meant spending most part of her day sleeping and not having to leave her house and face the paparazzis waiting outside. "How is Milan?"

"Beautiful as always" her mother Elizabeth said over the phone. "But I was thinking... Why don't you come to Paris with me? We could have some time together like we used to."

"I don't know, mum..."

"C'mon, Addie. You used to love spending time with me during fashion month! And it will help you distract yourself a bit."

"I'll think about it" she said. 

Adele had always loved being backstage with her mum during fashion shows, getting to see how everything worked. And more than once, she had been asked to walk. But unlike Elizabeth, she hadn't been born to wear heels. 

"Ok. But think about that hot chocolate from Cafe Angelina..."

"That's cheating, mum" Adele chuckled.

"But if it convinces you to come with me, then it will be worth it."

"Let me call Mase first and ask him what he is doing. If we both are in Paris at the same time..."

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"I'm skipping Paris, I have a shoot in Italy for the perfume I told you about. So go have some fun with your mum, don't worry about me."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure" Mason smiled over facetime. Though it wasn't his usual smile, the one that made his dimple pop.

"Mase, are you ok?"

"Yeah, I am. Why?"

"I don't know. You look a bit... Off."

"That's this phone's camera. I think I need to get a new one."

"Ok..." Adele said. But for some reason, she didn't believe him.

"You have to promise me something, tho."

"Something like what?"

"One, that you will eat some chocolate macarons for me."

"I will" she chuckled.

"And two, that you will enjoy Paris. Wear something fun, take as many photos as you can, attend some parties with your mum... Don't let them ruin it for you, Addie. Do you promise?"

"Promise" she smiled. 

"Great. Now I better go, my agent is coming."

"Wait, have they... Have they found out yet who tipped the paps at the airport?"

"I gotta go, Addie. Bye" Mason said before hanging up, leaving her thinking that something was definitely going on with him.

[mars-ipan]

God I feel you on this. There are so many avenues for people to get sucked into bullshit infighting too.

I s2g every time I engage with trans content my for you feed starts serving me a ton of discourse about intercommunity transandrophobia or w/e and like... if people are being weird about trans men that's worth talking about sometimes, but I get the impression there are corners of the trans community that are doing nothing but scream at each other in some pointless transmasc vs transfem war. Meanwhile I'm sitting here on TERF island, transfem people right beside me, hoping our HRT and shaky legal rights don't get nuked in the next 5 years 💀

I feel like a general online discourse rule should be that if you're putting more energy into fighting your own community/policing language/etc than fighting people that materially affect our lives, something's gone wrong and you're at high risk of radicalisation into bigotry. Or might already be there.

ghhrgh LITERALLY….. like .

from what i’ve seen a lot of this transandrophobia debate came up in response to seeing trans women talk about transmisogyny. my theory is that a portion of tme folks saw that people have been discussing transmisogyny and felt that they were having their unique experiences erased. which, like, look . i get it. erasure is something i’ve experienced kinda my whole life. i understand that it feels Bad to have your struggles downplayed. i had that same worry at first. BUT. we GOTTA be able to examine how your own fears and anxieties and biases may be coloring your perceptions!!! bc yes being trans does not make you immune to transmisogyny!! we live in a transmisogynistic world implicit bias is Going To Happen.

like. transmisogyny is a real thing that happens and disproportionately affects transfems. transmisogyny is not something non-transfem people experience unless they are falsely perceived to be transfem. it is a uniquely transfeminine experience coming from the intersection of being trans and female (or female-adjacent). it is not just a unique kind of transphobia, but rather the intentional combination of transphobia and misogyny.

is this to say that transmascs don’t experience their own unique kind of oppression? no! but it’s not an intersectional oppression and it shouldn’t be treated as such. also, the name of “transandrophobia” just gives off. a really uncomfortable energy. you’re not being oppressed because you’re male. you’re being oppressed because you’re trans. i don’t feel like we need to give this type of transphobia a name because it is just transphobia. similar to how misogynoir is a word but we don’t have a word for the specific type of oppression black men face because that’s just racism. just because transphobia impacts you in a certain way doesn’t mean it’s a special type of transphobia, and really why are we playing oppression olympics in the first place? we’re ALL hurting. can we just like… help each other out? can we stop accusing transfems of like…. deliberately trying to overshadow transmasc issues or whatever? and for the love of god if we have to argue can we STOP misgendering and degendering each other mid-argument.

like. at the end of the day this is all trivial shit because In Real Life we’re being targeted by horribly cruel legislation and social movements. it’s like we’re in a burning house and i’m watching my brother and sister argue over black mold. like yes that’s a problem but i think !!!! we should focus on putting out the fire !!!! like i live in texas. lawmakers have been trying to pass anti-trans bills here for ages, and a couple of them have gone through! i remember being sat down in gsa in my freshman year of high school and having the club sponsors tell us that if a bill that was up for ratification mandating that teachers out their students to their parents was passed that they would do everything in their power to keep us safe. i have to be careful about how i dress when i go to certain places. and i’m not even someone who’s transitioning medically— lord knows what kind of bullshit hurdles people on hrt have to go through to get it. and we’re arguing over what we want to call our oppression? we’re all facing transphobia at the end of the day can we PLEASE fix that instead of dividing ourselves into little easy-to-eliminate factions please and thank you

[echobx]

Timeloop - JJ Maybank × fem!reader part 2

summary: y/n meets JJ for the first time and she doesn't know that it will turn her whole life upside down, literally

warnings: none

word count: 1k

author's note: this is so short but I promise I have a vision. pls be patient with me 😭

masterlist part 1

There's a certain type of person in this world who only thinks of themselves, only wishes the best for their own good, not caring about anyone else, ever. And no matter how much I pride myself to not be this person, my actions have made me into a person like that. Selfish. Egotistical. Narcissistic, maybe.

It starts on a Tuesday, perfect sunshine, warm, bearable 72 °F with a light breeze that is blowing through the trees next to our new house. My room is filled with boxes, most of which contain stuff that I won't even need here. Too warm for that. But I spend my day unpacking, anyway. It's a fresh start, and my parents could have picked a way worse place to live than the Outer Banks.

“Y/n, we're going out for dinner. Come on down!” My mom yells from the foot of the stairs, and I quickly grab my phone and my headphones before running downstairs to meet her. It's just my dad, my mom and my little sister. We left the rest of the family behind, not that I am looking forward to seeing them again at Thanksgiving…

“Can you take the headphones off, honey? We're trying to have dinner,” my dad complains after we sat down and a girl around my age hands us each a menu.

“Hi, I'm Kiara, I'll be your waitress for the night. Welcome to the Wreck,” she says, with a forced smile. “Just call me over when you're ready to order.” And as quickly as she appeared, she's gone again. My eyes follow her inside the establishment, where she starts to talk to a group of boys. One of them turns his head to look at me. Tall, blonde, muscly but not scary looking. And as quickly as his gaze was on me, it's gone again.

After dinner, we make our way out of the restaurant, and while my dad pays, I turn to look back at the boys. They are still just hanging out in a corner, joking around and not paying any mind to the people around them. I like how careless they are, how free.

“Honey?” my mom speaks up and rips me out of my thoughts, pulling me with her towards the door and away from the boys.

The next day, I wake up with a headache. My diary is lying on my face and I have ink stains on my fingers.

A shower helps with the stains and lifts my headache just enough to let me survive breakfast, so I think. But my mother has different ideas.

All morning, she keeps asking me why I was so interested in those boys the night prior, and I really don't have a good answer for her. Maybe because they didn't have parents around them all the time. Maybe the fact that they seemed somewhat mysterious still. Maybe, just maybe, I had, for the first time, actually found someone interesting with a single look, and not because I had to dissect their personality to find the bits that complimented my own.

“I don't know, mom. I don't even know who they are. Can you please let it go,” I huff after she posed another question.

“Fine. Did you finish with your room?” she asks instead, and I sigh in relief.

“Yes. Well… I only need a few poster strips and stuff to decorate, but I'll go buy something later.”

“Sounds lovely,” my dad notes, his eyes solely fixed on his tablet while reading the paper.

“Anything new in the world?” I ask and take another bite of my toast.

“Nothing too important. You can read it yourself if you'd download the app,” he replies.

“Oh no, she can't. Y/n has too many pictures of ugly men on her phone. No storage for news,” my little sister laughs loudly, and I wish to sink down into the core of our planet earth. As if having a five year younger sister isn't already punishment enough. That's also not true. I love my sister, but she also drives me crazy with her 11-year-old brain.

“I'll read it later on my laptop,” I say and my dad just nods.

Getting out of the house feels like finally being able to breathe again. I have learned to take my diary with me everywhere I go, not wanting to have last year's incident repeated where my sister took my diary to school and read it aloud to all of her friends and word had gotten around and soon after every teenager in my area had known my secrets. And not even the funny ones. No, my sister had decided to only share the most embarrassing part of my life. For example the fact that I follow a strict protocol when talking to anyone, even my closest friends at the time. And they all had made fun of me, or mocked me or just called me all kinds of vile things because of it.

But that doesn't matter now because this is a new start. I'll find better friends. Preferably ones who I don't have to pretend for. Ones that don't make me feel the need to script out conversations long before they happen.

“Woah, easy there, princess,” a voice rips me out of my thoughts, firm hands grasping my shoulders. “You good? You nearly ran into that shelf.”

“I'm fine, thank you,” I mumble before picking up my head, blinking twice, and a third time. He's even prettier from up close. Disheveled blonde hair falling into his face that is adorned by the bluest eyes I have ever seen. Perfectly matched to his pointy nose and the pink lips.

His eyebrows furrow and I look away, hearing him clear his throat and feeling him drop his hands.

“Thank you for that,” I mumble and smile while looking down, too scared that I might get lost if I look at him for too long.

“Yeah, it's no problem, at all,” he drags out his words and takes a step back. “Just be careful next time.”

I nod, and he's gone, but I'm still nodding. Fate isn't something in my area of expertise. I have never had any luck of any sort whatsoever. But running into him the day after seeing him for the first time- Maybe there truly is something out there that plays our cards, and it played mine just right.

please don't copy and/or post my work onto other platforms! ~e©ho

taglist: @redhead1180 @spideysimpossiblegirl @drwstarkeyy @princessmaybank @ijustwantttoread @kys4-20 @immyowndefender @julczimocarz @m2m2m2 @th3eternalersi @chiaraanatra @yourmumstoy

[marymary-diva17]

Trouble fitting in

sully family x human daughter reader

It was the next day after arriving at the village of the metakayian, and you could see some of the villagers were keeping their distance from you. That was something you couldn't blame them for as you had just arrived and not that many knew of your existence as well. It was going to take them so time to trust you as navi and trust you as human as well. They will soon learn that the human girl lived up to her family name and title

Norm " so are you kids ready to started lesson today"

y/n " yes uncle norm"

spider " sure dad we are ready for our lessons and learn the ways of water"

Norm " well eat your breakfast kids and once you are done you, can go to your avatar bodies" you and spider soon nodded your heads in agreement and soon finished the breakfast, that was given and soon went inside the capsules and the transfer took place.

y/n " ummm" you soon open your eyes waking up you soon stepped out of the bed. You soon stepped into the common area of the new home, soon seeing your mom making breakfast and you dad cleaning his blade.

neytiri " good morning my daughter how did you sleep last night"

y/n " I slept well as navi and human still getting use to seeing I'm in a new place"

Jake " don't worry baby girl you will get use to this place soon" you soon saw down on the mats, and soon enough your sibling had come dash into the room.

tuk " y/n you are really here I thought lats night was all a dream" tuk soon hugged you making you laugh as you pat her forehead.

y/n " yes I'm here sweetie"

kiri " when you woke up your bed was already empty so we thought you were gone" you were sharing a room with your sisters, kiri and tuk soon took a sit on the mat.

y/n " I didn't mean to worry anyone I just crawled out of bed and came In here for more breakfast"

lo'ak " so you still have to eat as human and navi"

y/n " yes I have to keep both bodies health and well taken care of as well"

lo'ak " oh"

neteyam " see now we can our family meals as whole family again"

y/n " what do you mean you guys were not eating together"

Jake " we were and there were night your grandmother and uncles came over but it was not the same, we missed having you here and as the barrier between siblings fights"

tuk " kiri and lo'ak will always fight"

y/n " really I'm gone for months and you two fight"

kiri " it was not my fault it was his being a idiot and all that" you just scoffed and shake your head, it was good to be back with your siblings. Once breakfast was over you soon went off with your sibling and spider for the lessons.

Tsireya " it good to have you both here I hope we can help you learn the ways of water"

spider " it cool to finally me here"

rotxo " well come on lets get started" soon the lesson had started all three metkayain teens were very amazed on how, well you and spider could I've and swim.

Aonung " you seem to be a better swimmer and diver then your siblings" The group had decided to take a break and sit down somewhere and just talk and relax. It seem like all the metkayian teens had many question about the two new teens that arrived here just yesterday.

y/n " thank you"

rotxo " so you are two are human as well"

spider " yes we are human as well but we were given this body so we can living a life, like the rest of our families"

rotxo " wow" the group had stayed together talking more and more to each other, along with enjoying each other company as well. You were walking around the village, doing some chores for the family. You were carrying a basket of fruit for the family and your grandmother when you caught, some of the metkayian adults looking at you.

y/n " hello" you had spoke towards a couple who stepped away from you and looked disgusted when you spoke to them. This was something that was not new to you as not that many of the navi, were welcoming toward the humans that were here do to the actions of the RDA.

y/n " well here we go again" you soon sighed and started walking back home there were some navi that gave you a smile, while others just looked at you with disgusted or confusion. You were walking when you had accidentally bumped into a child, it seems like either one of you were paying attention.

y/n " oh I'm sorry" you had help the child back onto their feet and soon collect the fruit, that had fallen.

navi child " it okay I'm sorry as well I was not ...."

navi mom " demon you hurt my child" a navi women soon came towards you hissing at you making you, take a step back you didn't want to do anything to cause a problem. A crowd had form to watched what was taking place right now.

???? " what going on here" everyone soon stopped what they were doing and looked up to see tonowair and your dad standing there, soon Jake saw you and went to you aid.

Tonowari " I asked a question what happened here"

navi women " this demon girl pushed my child over and could of harm my child, that what happened this what we get for only the demon of their clan here first the youngest of them and soon the older ones"

navi man " yes they are all evil why should we allow them to stay"

Jake " y/n what happened"

y/n" I was not paying attention to where I was walking soon I and the kid bumped into each other, I meant no harm dad"

tonowair " this what the girl speak true did anyone witness this" no one was peaking up at the moment, as everyone was very quite or scared to say anything.

tonowari " Jake and y/n I'm so sorry for what has happened here today"

Jake " tonowari i will not have my daughter insult over something she ...."

y/n " dad it okay can we just come home I have to drop these off mom and grandmother" Jake knew his daughter didn't wish to cause anymore trouble and nodded his head, soon escorting her home but it seems like him and tonowair and shared a look about something.

At home

neytiri " how dare that women insult my daughter on her character and actions" sharing with what happened to the rest of the family didn't go well, and now your mom was very mad about the whole situation.

Jake " neytiri"

neytiri " no Jake don't try to clam me down I wont let somebody insult our daughter she never harm a child at home, she was the one that some parents will ask her to babysit their kids for a while"

y/n " mom it okay"

lo'ak " no sis it not okay that women insult you and telling us how they been looking at you with disgust is insult as well on you"

y/n " baby brother it okay I can't change everyone mind about me"

lo'ak " but still sis you are amazing you a good fighter and smart, you take care of our family and people how those that make you a demon"

neteyam " lo'ak calm down" lo'ak soon calm down a bit as the family looked at you.

neytiri " what do you do next Jake they didnt juts insults our daughter they also insult spider and the rest of our clan"

Jake " I will speak with tonowari right now tension are high"

y/n " then I think it for the best I stay with uncle norm and the otter for while until matter die down"

kiri " no we can't lose you and spider again"

y/n " I won't be lost I will be an inland away but I think it will be best if I stay away I don't need my action risking the family and clan safety, and refugee"

Jake and neytiri " ......."

y/n " mom and dad I will be fine I'm not far away and I will have uncle norm, aunt trudy, and spider with me with the rest of our clan"

Jake " fine we trust that norm and trudy will keep you safe"

y/n " mom"

neytiri " you can go my daughter I know you will be safe but we will be checking up on you"

y/n " yes mom"

lo'ak" maybe we cna bring our new friends over as well"

Jake " that will be good but you might want to ask their parents first before you act"

y/n and her siblings " yes sir"

neytiri " come we will eat dinner together before y/n has to leave us" everyone had nodded their head in agreement everyone had family dinner together, it was agreed that you and spider will stay away for a few days until everyone die down. Even due you were not being with them as navi you were still with them as human, and they will make sure to still spend time with you. Everyone and even you were hoping that one day you and the rest of the clan will be able to gain the trust of the rest of the metkayain clan.

[starry-bite]

live episode reaction: "save the children" (cme 17x10)

ooh time for another formative trauma for my girl

i’m not emotional about dave and tara, you are

the wheelchairs would be so funny in another context

i love how their mission totally changes focus when em’s gone like fuck the strat we’ve gotta find emily

voit you’re so annoying i don’t want to fucking see or listen to you anymore

emily being the center of everything. conspiracy girlies just like me for real.

oh honey her list of kidnappings - cyrus 2008, doyle 2011, lewis 2017 (+bailey 2024)

ooh projector time

“you know, the first time i was out in the field i threw up.” “really?” “no. i was just trying to make you feel better.” I LOVE HER one thing about emily is she will extend such care even to this fuckin guy

paget brewster is about to deliver an incredible episode all while sitting down and i can’t wait

“you’re an only child, right? you scream only child.”

YOU HAVE A SISTER???? (i can’t decide if this is ridiculous and fucked up retroactive writer shit or if hiding a sibling from her colleagues for ~20 years is a deeply emily thing to do. or a secret third thing: spycraft lying to bailey about having a sibling so he’d be at ease/trust her/tell her more about his brother.)

oh secret siblings plotline my beloathed (interesting tie-in in this particular case it just Always rubs me the wrong way)

WAIT WAIT it's “i’m floating the idea of an eviler twin.”

“if we lose prentiss because of this, no classification in the world is gonna save you.” / “i’m not threatening your career, ray.” FUCK HIM UP ROSSI i for one would love these old men to fight

i know this is far from revelatory but god i fuckin hate madison he sucks. like. so much.

rebecca. wilson. you. rock.

“i agree, but this is emily.” full argument from ms. jareau, she said emily is a complete sentence

this brother thing is. just. so dumb.

“goddammit, i bit through my tongue.” this woman

“YOUR BOYFRIEND’S DEAD BECAUSE YOU SHOT HIM, BABE, AND YOU KILLED HIM FOR NO REASON.” EMILY PRENTISS THE WOMAN THAT YOU ARE

ughh don’t call her jenny

“our special time in the cells” god and the grounding thing with her necklace this sucks so much i’m sorry jj

the way tyler is so quickly ride or die for emily this guys gets it

“and if i say no?” “voit doesn’t go, and emily dies.” oh dave

“not just the spirit but the letter of the law.” “really? you’re telling me this?” “i know. that’s why i’m not going.”

PG ABOUT TO POP OFF SHE GAVE TYLER HER GLASSES KILL HIM GARCIE I GOT YOUR FLOWER

hey baby girl wtf was that?

AWWWW CHOCOLATE THUNDER MORGAN MENTION! AFTER ALL THIS TIME? ALWAYS!

YES JJ GETS HER CONFRONTATION i do wish she had any kind of support ever though. go jj being able to handle things but you shouldn’t have to (alone).

RUINED THIS MAN’S WHOLE CAREER GOOD JOB BABY

“he had a drive that… i used to have it.” tear my entire heart open why don’t you (this is a surprise tool that will help us later, i.e. come up with a vengeance next season)

the way emily sat up straight to die, believing so completely that jade was going to kill her and she was like ‘alright, let’s go. stand and face it bravely.’

catholic guilt emily goes hard as always

the thing that really shakes her is the idea of her team in danger. the way she would die in a heartbeat to save them. you don’t get it.

“do you know that feeling when you’re staring up at the ceiling and you’re thinking, what if it’s all bullshit? maybe it’s after a preacher’s sermon or your dad yelling at you or–” “or some man is done holding you down.” “so you know.” “i do.” “so you know that– that the only way to make it through is to just. buy all the bullshit. because the alternative is way too fucking hard.” / “we need you to tell us your truth.” “will you listen to me this time?” “yes. we will.”

yeah so i’m gonna be thinking about emily saying ‘or some man is done holding you down.’ for the rest of ever 

also about emily buying all the (bureau) bullshit, the grand mission, not a higher power but a higher purpose, a reason for her suffering, holding her faith in the system like religion (you can take the girl out of the catholic church etc)

i hate that we spent so much of the season finale getting cozy with a character we’d never met and weren’t meant to care about further than we could throw him and took the time for a long arrest montage sequence (and the gang standing around looking goofy af) and yet there was no time for a team reunion scene???? DumB

“not when your valor depends on my discretion.” emily prentiss you are INcredIBLE

emily ‘i will do the right thing if it kills me’ prentiss (phrase functions as threat, promise, devotion, degradation, and request all at once btw)

she is just. so catholic.

QUANTEECO CALLBACK KIRSTENNNNNN

“i’m omnipresent” i love her

hooray you’re alive cake nope i’m dead this is the funniest possible choice

“so you were so high you couldn’t get off the couch?” “i thought i was dying. i have never been that high–ever. now, emily on the other hand…” “every time i think i know her, she surprises me with another secret.” LIKE A SECRET SISTER??? (also what an insane way to trivialize their deep connective moments in that episode. and does make me think even more about how jj probably would not have said anything like what she said if she hadn't been high off her ass.)

rebecca’s hair is bad here i’m sorry

“we decided we’re more miserable apart than together.” god they love to have sapphics together AROUND a season, never during one. because they hate us. (i say this in a joking way.) 

(but do i though?)

“she’s schwarzenegger, i’m devito.” i hate this. hate crimes.

“why are you saying his name in my personal lair?” pen calling her home a lair i love you penelope garcia

the long history of emily not fucking being at team things i know she’s gonna swing in at the end but BRUH

also GIVE HER A MOMENT TO EMOTIONALLY REFLECT YOU COWARDS the cock of plot is so far down my throat like bro EASE UP let these bitches have some emotional depth. as a treat. state mandated. the state is me.

writers are you absolutely shitting my dick no addressing emily’s trauma with the team??? like at fucking all??????? wait a minute. this is the bad place! (i know they’re gonna deal with it next season like they did with the rossi shit, it’s classic cross-season rollover biz but also WHAT THE HELL)

[jpmarvel90]

All for the mission

Masterlist Nat Masterlist

Relationship: Sister Nat, Sister Yelena x Sister Reader. Wanda x Reader

Summary: Growing up in the Red Room with Natasha and Yelena, Y/n was hurt when she woke up one morning to find them gone. Her life is forever changed by this moment and their reunion doesn't look like it'll bring any chance to fixing things.

Word Count: 12364

Y/n's POV:

I grew up in the red room. It was hell, but the one shining light was my sisters. Natasha and Yelena. I was the youngest, but we looked out for each other, doing what we could to make the others lives easier. We used to whisper to each other at night about our plans to leave. We had hopes for a better life. And that happened, for Yelena and Nat at least.

Early one morning I was dragged in front of Dreykov and was told about how my sisters had escaped together, left in the middle of the night. I was just 15 at the time but that didn't stop the brutality that was to follow. Although we had talked many times about escaping, I knew nothing about their attempt that night. Not that Dreykov or his dogs believed me. As they had lost their two greatest assets, I was to pay the price.

For a whole month, I was locked away in a cell where bright lights were never turned off and loud music played. The only release I would get was the brief walk to the "Interrogation room." But then a new hell would be inflicted on me as I was beaten and tortured. Initially for any information they could get. When they realised, I did in fact know nothing, they did it to punish me. I had a cup or water and two slices of mouldy bread a day. Barely enough to keep me alive. My body is now covered in scars from that brutal month. A reminder that I was expendable to my sisters. Not even worth a second thought as they escaped to start their new lives.

After that month, I was put back into the training programme. I worked my ass off. Not because I wanted to do well for the red room, but because I wanted to be as strong as possible and trusted to go out on missions. I had to escape, and I knew that was my only option.

It took four years before I got my opportunity. A part of me wanted to run as soon as I got my first solo mission, but I had to plan it all perfectly. It couldn't be a mission in the middle of nowhere, I had to have a means to not just escape but find a place to hide. Over those four years, I learnt every way in which they monitored the widows that went on missions. I then worked a way to make sure I could stop all of it to give me the best chance of getting away.

I was meticulous in my planning and finally the perfect opportunity came up. The mission was in the middle of Rome. I would have plenty of opportunity to escape. I just needed to make sure I got rid of all means of tracking me. I was so nervous as they dropped me in. I had to spend a week in Rome first to stakeout my target. This worked perfectly for me as it meant that I had money. I could buy clothes that I knew were clean of any tracking devices. I stuck to the shops near the target to not arouse suspicion. To the red room, I was just keeping up appearances. Blending in.

I ate as little as possible that week, knowing I would need the money to ensure my escape. Once I made my move, I had to be quick, and I wouldn't have time to be begging for help. It was the day I had to take out the target. I had found the most advantageous spot to carry out the assassination. It wasn't practical to their mission, but it was to mine. It provided me with an easy escape to the metro.

So as the time came, I set up my position before starting my daring escape. I was on the metro before they even noticed that I had left my position. Seems it was to my advantage that they had an idiot on comms that day! I got off when I knew they had noticed and found a bathroom to change. I then had the hardest part, cutting out the tracked from the back of my neck. It hurt and bled like a bitch, but I didn't have time to worry about that. I patched it up and jumped back on the metro to my next stop.

I had found a hair salon near Roma Termini. If I had this right, I would have time to cut and dye my hair before getting on the first train out of Rome. Every time I moved, I was careful to keep my face hidden, either wearing a cap or keeping the hood of my jacket up. It all seemed too easy and before I knew it, I was in France. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it didn't. It just was that easy. My four years of planning had paid off and I was finally free.

I spent the next year moving around mainland Europe, keeping a low profile. But by my 22nd birthday, I was settled in London. I had a job in a bar and a small crappy apartment. To most people, it wouldn't have been great. But to me it was everything. I was free.

I had no desire to follow in my sister's footsteps in become a superhero. I wanted a normal life. Yes, the horrible things I had done still haunt me, but I couldn't risk being caught. If I was, I knew that it would not end well, and I would either be tortured and killed or tortured and back to being a widow. My ledger would only grow.

Unfortunately, fate had other plans. I was happily walking home one evening and it felt like someone was watching me. I took the long way home, turning at the last minute or dipping down alleyways. The presence felt closer than ever, and I knew it was time to fight. Before the hand could even reach my shoulder, I had grabbed it and flipped the shadow over my shoulder, avoiding their attempts to fight me off. I had them pinned under me and I saw a familiar smirk. "You've grown mladshaya sestra. (Little sister)"

Anger rages within me and the next thing I know, my fist is connecting with her nose. "Fuck! Ok, I deserve that." Nat says, grabbing at her nose as I stepped off her. I don't want to see her or have anything to do with her. She left me and I'm going to do the same now. I turn and walk away. "Y/n, wait!" Nat calls after me but I ignore her, taking a short cut through the park to my apartment. "Please!" She shouts. "Deep breaths Y/n. Just keep walking and she'll go." I tell myself. "I'm sorry!" She shouts in a desperate attempt to get me to stop.

It works and I stop in my tracks. I turn around to face her, a fire inside of me. "You're sorry?!" I shout at her as she reaches me. She flinches at my voice. "You left me in that hell hole. That was bad enough, but did you even consider that there might be consequences for those that you left behind?!" I yell at her. She doesn't answer me. "Of course, you didn't. We talked about escaping for years and when it finally came to it, you left me." I say in a much quieter tone, the hurt winning out.

"You were just a kid Y/n. You were safer there than if you came with us." She tries to convince me, but I just scoff. "You have no idea what happened to me when they found you gone. But I'll tell you one thing, I certainly wasn't safer." I turn to walk away again, wanting this conversation to end. "We were planning to come back for you!" She calls after me. It makes me stop again as I let out a loud laugh. "Really?! I was there for over 4 years. No sign of you." I chuckle sadly. "But I guess you had other priorities right. Like being an Avenger, keeping up your reputation." I seethe.

"I was coming back for you now. It's how I found out that you had escaped. We want to help you." Nat tries to reach out to take my hand, but I snatch it away. "I got out of that hell hole all on my own and I certainly don't need any help now. Especially from you!" I fumed. "Please pauchok. (Baby spider.)" She pleads with me. "Don't call me that. I don't need you and I don't ever want to see you again!" The pain in her eyes doesn't go unnoticed. But I really don't care. She hasn't been my sister in years.

Turns out, I would have to see her again. Every evening in fact. She found out where I worked, and she would come into the bar every day. The only interaction we would have, was me serving her drink. She would try to start conversations, but I ignored her. I wasn't going to let her in.

One night, to my surprise, she brought Yelena with her. Her body collided with mine as she pulled me into a hug. "I missed you pauchok." I peeled her off me and pushed her away. She frowns at my actions as I don't say a word to her. "Y/n?" She questions, as I return behind the bar. "What can I get you?" I ask her without making eye contact. I notice Yelena look to Nat with sad eyes. "Vodka." She replies taking her seat next to her sister. I place the glass in front of her and pour. Then turning my attention to other customers.

This goes on for weeks. Neither of them getting the picture that I don't want to talk to or see them. After a month, a new face is with them. I don't recognise her, but she is beautiful. It takes me a moment to compose myself before I take their order. "Y/n, this is Wanda. Wanda, this is Y/n our little sister." Nat introduces us. "We're not sisters. We just grew up together." I correct Nat, a wave of hurt flashes across her face. "But it's nice to meet you Wanda what can I get you?" I ask. "Uh, just a pinot please." She speaks quietly, but her accent is familiar. "Sokovian?" I question as I place the glass down in front of her, to which she nods. "Ah. Sorry about what happened there." I say and she shrugs. Getting the sense, she doesn't want to talk anymore, I go back to my job, and more importantly ignoring my sisters.

Wanda started to come in more with Nat and Yelena. I knew what they were trying to do. It was my weakest area. I'm a sucker for love and Wanda was exactly my type. I was always pleasant and nice to Wanda, whilst my "sisters" still got the cold shoulder treatment. She became more comfortable around me, and we hit it off.

She started to come in on her own and then one day asked if I would go on a walk with her. I happily agreed and we went around Hyde Park, getting to know each other. She was so easy to talk to and I felt safe around her. "I know that you're only here because of my sisters." I tell her as we take a seat on the bench. She looks up at me and her mouth opens and shuts a couple of times before she finds her words.

"I'm not actually. They were always talking about this amazing sister they had and showed me pictures. When Nat found you, she showed me a photo she had and there was something about you that I was drawn to. I had to get to know you. So, I asked Nat if I could come with her to meet you one time. She reluctantly agreed and here we are. This is all me Y/n." She reassures me, taking my hand in hers.

And that's how things went for the next month. We spent every day together and I was quickly falling for her. "You know, you really should talk to your sisters. They just want to make sure you're safe and help to get you back on your feet." Wanda says as we snuggle in my apartment. "But I am on my feet. I was never happier until they came back in my life. I've never felt freer." I defend. She adjusts herself so she can look at me better. "They really are sorry. Is there really no way you can forgive them?" She asks with her puppy dog eyes.

I sigh and roll out from underneath her, sitting on the edge of the bed, my head in my hands. "It's not that simple Wanda. They just left. One day they were there and the next they were gone. And as their sister. I was the one who had to pay for it. I went through hell, and it was directly caused by their actions." I say, my voice muffled by my hands.

I feel my hands slowly being pulled away as my eyes land on the red head on her knees in front of me. "Tell me what they did to you." She whispers. "You don't want to hear it." I tell her, not wanting to burden her with any of it. "Please?" She asks, cupping my face. Her eyes bore into me, and I knew I was done for. So, I told her. I shared with her what I faced in the month after they left. The different ways they caused me pain and the way they used me as their own toy. Her eyes were red the whole time I spoke. Her anger no longer able to be supressed.

"Show me." She whispers when I finish baring my soul. "What?" I question. "Show me your scars. I want to see all of you." Her words are soft and full of love. I slowly undid the buttons of my shirt and let her push it off my shoulders. She gasps when she sees my torso littered with scars. Her hands slowly running over each one. I can't look at her. Ashamed of the monster they made me. "I'll kill them." She says quietly but there is a venom to her voice.

When she's finished taking in my form, she puts her finger under my chin and lifts my head so I'm looking at her. Her eyes are glossy and full of pain. "These are proof of the strong woman that you are. They show the fight you had to come through to get to where you are today. Never, be ashamed of them." She tells me firmly. I nod slowly, fighting my own tears. She leans in and captures my lips in a soft kiss. We've kissed before, but this one felt different. Like she was showing me that I was accepted and loved. It was the kiss that made me realise I would do anything to stay with her.

That was a decision that came sooner than I thought. The next week she came into the bar, her face showing that she had been crying. She told me how she had to go back to New York. She begged me to go with her, that I could live with her in the compound. I wasn't sure at first. I still wasn't on talking terms with my sisters, but my heart was breaking knowing that if I didn't go with her, I didn't know when I'd see Wanda again.

So, I agreed. I packed up what little I had in my apartment and followed her to New York. I was given my own room in the compound and shown all the facilities that I could use. Turns out they were expecting me. Apparently, Natasha and Yelena had talked to both Tony and Fury about me moving in way back when they found out that I had escaped. They wanted to keep me safe there. I must admit, I could feel the anger towards them starting to thaw, but I knew it would be a long time before I could truly forgive them.

Not wanting to just live off the Avengers, I got myself a job in a local bar and I really was having such a great time. Wanda and I were stronger than ever. Slowly, I was engaging more with my sisters. I had even started to train again. It was nice to have an outlet for my anger. Though it did become a bit of a showcase as I was one of the few that could take down Nat. Which was a surprise to a lot of them.

I formed a quick bond with Tony. I loved being in his lab and I helped him as much as I could. Most days I was with him, he was trying to convince me to join them. But it wasn't for me. Not now at least. But I promised him I would never completely rule out the offer.

Which for him worked out, because he was persistent. I guess you could say I became a part time Avenger. I still wanted to do my job in the bar. It gave me a normality I had craved all those years in the red room. But I also I found a newfound enjoyment in helping out on missions. It was a good balance.

I had been living at the compound for about 8 months now. I was meant to be at work today, but one of the pipes burst so they had to close up and they sent us all home. I was excited to get home as it meant more time with Wanda. She had only just gotten back from a mission at the weekend, so it was a blessing to get some unexpected time together.

When I got to the compound, I heard shouting coming from the common room. I made my way in that direction when I heard my name. Being the nosy person I am, I stayed back, not making my presence known. "I can't do it anymore. It's not fair. It's been 9 months of lying and doing something that I never wanted to do in the first place." Wanda complained. What is she on about? "Maximoff, you knew what you were getting into when you agreed to be part of the mission. You knew that you would have to keep up the rouse with Y/n until we knew for sure that she wasn't under the red room influence."

What the fuck?! Was I just a mission to her? "Wanda he's right. We're so close to the end. You just need to hang in there." The voice of my sister feels like a burning knife to my chest. Was this all just a mission. Did they even want to come and find me? I knew I should have stuck to my instinct and not trust them.

"Maximoff, you will continue on with this mission for one more month. That's all I ask. Romanoff, Belova. Keep up what you're doing. We're not far from defeating the red room now." Fury's order ring around the room as my heart completely shatters. I decide now is the best time to make my presence known. I step out into view, and I see all of their faces drop. "I'm glad to know that I'm just a mission." I say as they all stand speechless. "But at least now I know, you don't to keep up the façade anymore Wanda." I say turning my back to leave.

"Y/n! Wait!" Wanda calls after me, grabbing my arm. "Let go of me." I growl, but she doesn't listen. "It's not what it looks like. Please, don't go." She begs but I shake my head. "In the park, when you said this wasn't my sisters doing. I guess you didn't lie. I just got the wrong person. It was Fury. God, I'm so stupid. I can't believe I actually fell for it and even fell in love with you!" I ranted. "No, no. Please." Wanda pleads again. "Answer me one question and I'll consider staying." I say to her, and she nods frantically. "When you came into the bar that first night. Were you there because you truly did want to meet me, or was it part of the mission?" Her head instantly drops, and her gaze is fixated on the floor. "I guess that gives me my answer." I slowly peel her hand from around my arm and walk away. Only this time to be stopped by my sister.

"Y/n." Nat says, moving in front of me, blocking my exit. Yelena by her side. "No. You know, I thought that leaving me in that hell was bad enough. But this. This hurts more than any pain I've been through." I trembled, trying to fight the tears threatening to fall. "You spent all that time trying to get me to forgive you, but it was all lies!" I cry out. "Tell me. Was it all a mission for you too? Were you actually trying to find me?" I can read the answer across their faces, but I want to hear it from them. "ANSWER ME!" I yell, causing both of them to flinch. "We weren't looking for you. Fury had learnt about you and when he found out you were our sister, he gave us the information to find you and to see if you were working for the red room. But we were so happy...." I hold my hand up stopping her straight away.

"You don't trust me. You have spent all this time trying to get me to forgive and trust you, but it was all a lie, because you don't even trust me. After you left, I was tortured and raped all because you were my sisters and had managed to escape their clutches. For four years, I had to fight to stay alive and keep my sanity so I could get out myself. Which I did! I had a normal fucking life. Something I had never thought I would get. But no! I'm the one that can't be trusted! Fuck you!" I scream at them.

I push past them and run to my room before anyone can come after me. "FRIDAY, don't anyone in." I instruct the AI. "Of course, Miss Y/l/n." I start throwing as much as I can in a rucksack. Luckily, I had saved as much money as I could, so I didn't need to worry about that. After a few minutes there is banging at my door. "Y/n, please! Let us just talk." Yelena begs from behind the locked door. I ignore everything they say until Wanda's voice pipes up. "Y/n, baby. Please open the door. It wasn't just a mission. I-I love you!" She cries. "STOP LYING TO ME!" I shout, I can't take listening to it anymore. "FRIDAY open the door please." Nat as, but the AI declines. "Miss Y/l/n has requested the door remains locked. Only Mr Stark can override it." I can hear her sigh. "Yelena, go and get Tony." Nat instructs our sister.

I know that I don't have long to get out of here before Tony gets here. I also don't know who else in the compound was in on this mission. But I'm not sticking around to find out. I leave the promise ring that Wanda had given me on the bedside table. Yanking it off my finger as it felt like it was burning my skin. Knowing the door is a no go, I make my way to the window and take a look down. Luckily, I'm only two stories up. It'll hurt a bit, but if I land it properly, I should be able to get away uninjured.

I push my bag out first and then I'm quick to follow it, just as I hear Tony's voice in the corridor. I sprint as fast as I can to the edge of the compound, not wanting to be seen. I can't believe this is my life again. On the run, but this time, I've got to watch my back from both sides, as it seems I can't even trust my own family.

Nat's POV:

Well, we have royally screwed up. When we finally get Tony to override FRIDAY to let us into Y/n's room, she's already gone. Her window open and my little sister fled. I go to the window in the hopes to see her, but there's nothing but darkness. I'm so stupid to have agreed to this. I'm so scared of the red room beating us that I couldn't even trust my own sister.

We made the worst decision when we decided to leave Y/n behind. We thought she was too young and would be a burden to us as we tried to escape. We did always plan on going back to her, but we go so caught up in proving our loyalty to SHIELD, that it kind of fell to the wayside. Once our loyalty was proven, we spent so much time on missions, we didn't have the chance to think about getting our sister back. It is and will forever be my greatest regret. Well, this moment may come a close second.

When Fury came to Yelena and me to say that he had information on our sister, I couldn't believe it. We hadn't long heard rumours about Y/n being killed in the red room. We mourned her, even though we knew that the rumours were unlikely true. But seeing the picture of her behind a bar, it was clearly her. I may not have seen her since she was 15, but she's not changed, she just looked older and more jaded.

We had no info on when she actually managed to escape. It was part of the reason why Fury was suspicious of her. Instead of trusting my gut and Y/n, we played along with him. Wanting to make sure there was no way that Y/n was under the influence of the red room.

It hurt Yelena and I when she ignored us. She was hurt and I can't blame her. But her words were as sharp as knives and each one hurt. It was so obvious we had let her down and although this was a mission. I was determined to make sure that she was safe, and I could do that best from New York. It was Fury's idea to bring in Wanda.

I had questioned it at first, I knew that Y/n falls hard. It was one thing to do what we were doing, but this felt like it was crossing a line. Wanda was happy to do it and Fury's mind was set. So, I watched as my sister fell in love with one of my closest friends. Knowing if she ever found out, it would break her heart. What took me by complete surprise, was the fact that it was obvious that Wanda felt the same. She too was falling for Y/n. That is how we came to be in an argument with Fury.

Wanda wanted to stop and tell Y/n the truth. She knew that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Y/n and she couldn't do that on a foundation of lies. But we still couldn't confirm Y/n wasn't working for the red room. Had I not let my desire to clear my ledger and the fear of what the red room could do, I would have seen how Y/n was just living her best life. She was free, something she had always dreamt of. Of course, she would have had no loyalty to the red room. Instead, I make her believe that I have no trust in her and that I never wanted her back in the first place. Which is a complete lie.

Once she moved into the compound, Yelena and I worked so hard to show her how sorry we were and how much we wanted her in our lives. Slowly but surely, she was coming around to us and we started to have a positive relationship. It was the happiest I had been since the red room. Being back with both of my sisters safe. I naively thought that if we could just take down the red room, Y/n would never need to know about the betrayal. Everything would have worked out. But that damn pipe at her work screwed everything up for us. Ok, that's a lie. We screwed everything up.

Seeing the hurt on Y/n's face caused me physical pain. I hated that once again I had let her down. But what hurt the most. What felt like I had just had my heart ripped out, was hearing that she was tortured and raped as a punishment for us escaping. We genuinely thought she would be safe. She was better than both of us and we knew she was an asset to them. We never thought they would go that far with her. But we completely got that wrong and I'll never forgive myself. She's my little sister, my pauchok and it's my fault that she is hurting.

Y/n had been gone for a week and we had no luck in tracing her. Tony and the others were not happy when they found out what we had been doing. They were non the wiser and had been fed the same line as Y/n. She was moving here to be safe from the red room. The only thing now is I think we've made the target on her back even bigger. She was helping us on mission, and it will have just put her back on their radar. Maybe we should have left her in London, she was safe there. I should never have listened to Fury.

Wanda was a mess. She shut herself away. When she saw the promise ring on Y/n's table, it broke her. Yelena and I would spend time with her but she'd just cry and plead for us to find Y/n so she could apologise. I don't think she thought she would fall for Y/n when this started and I'm sure she only agreed to do it because she feels like she still has to prove herself after everything that happened with Ultron. But here we are, the three of us completely broken and it's all our fault.

I spend my nights awake, wondering if we'll ever find her, and if we do, if she could ever forgive us. I wouldn't blame her. We don't deserve it. But I pray to a God that I don't believe in, that she would give us a slither of a chance and we'll do the rest.

I'm still spending every minute away from missions, looking for Y/n. I think I've found her in Reykjavik. But I don't want to go and risk losing her. I need to be 100% sure before I go in. So, I monitor the situation as best I can whilst following up on other leads. But that all stops with the receipt of a video. A video that makes my world completely stop.

I call the whole team into the briefing room, too scared to the play the video on my own. If this is what I think it is, I'm going to need the teams help. When I press play, I instantly hear a choked-up sob come from Wanda as a beaten and bloodied Y/n appears on the screen. Her hands are tied up and attached to a butcher's hook above her head. She's just in a sports bra and shorts, exposing all of the wounds that they have inflicted on her, both old and new.

I look to Yelena, and she has a look of horror on her face, which probably matches my own. That's our little sister and once again, she's being tortured at the hands of Dreykov because of us! "Hello Natalia and Yelena. We found your little sister here. We've been monitoring her since she started fighting on the wrong side. It was a surprise to us when we found her, she must have gotten too comfortable in her western ways!" The face of the man I loathed filled the screen and I wish I could reach through and strangle him, inflict all the pain that he was causing to Y/n.

"Wake her up!" He snaps, to one of his little guards. He grabs a taser and it jolts Y/n awake. "Welcome back Y/l/n." He sneers. Y/n's one eye, that isn't swollen shut, looks up at the camera. "Oh goody! A camera, who knew you were kinky!" She jokes. God, she's going to get herself killed! With her words, a swift punch is landed on Y/n's face. But she just spits out the blood and laughs. It seems to irritate Dreykov and he starts his interrogation. "Tell us, what is Fury's grand plan?" He snarls in Y/n's face. "Urgh, someone needs a breath mint!" Y/n scrunches up her face in disgust. That comment earns another swift punch to her gut, making us all finch at the cracking sound of a rib.

Dreykov carries on in asking her lots of question which he gets a sarcastic comment in return to. Which inevitably follows by some form of pain infliction. Each time, I flinch as Y/n tries so hard to not show the pain. Considering that we betrayed her, she's not giving anything away. She could easily answer all the questions she is being asked, but she doesn't. Once again just proving how wrong we got this. How wrong I go it!

I feel a hand clamp on to mine. I look to the source only to see Yelena, teary eyes fixed on the screen as our little sister gets a knife gash across her shoulder. I squeeze her hand back, trying to give her some form of reassurance, but I don't have much belief myself.

Wanda is sobbing as she watches her love being tortured in front of her, completely helpless to do anything. "Tony, can we do anything to trace this?" I ask, pleading in my head we can. "FRIDAY's working on it. Seems like they're not so smart and left a gateway through the telnet port. Hopefully through that we'll be able to triangulate a rough location." He explains. That seems to give me a sense of hope. Maybe we can find her.

After what seems like hours, Dreykov stops his attack and turns to the camera. "Natalia, you can see what we can do. If you want to save your sister, you know what you have to do." He threatens. Y/n's laugh breaks through the tension. This causes Dreykov's head to snap around to face her. "And what are you laughing at pauchok?" The use of the pet name has me fuming, the anger I thought was already at it's limit still growing.

"They're not there. They don't care." She sadly chuckles. The confusion on Dreykov's face doesn't go unnoticed. "You took a dead end. Wasted your time." She adds on, lifting her head to make direct eye contact with him. "You still don't get it do you. I wasn't lying all those years ago when you hung me to this same hook. I knew nothing about their escape. They didn't want a kid like me following them around." She explains and I can see as the realisation hits Dreykov. "But you fought with them. Lived with them." He questions back.

Once again, she laughs, but I can see the pain in her eyes as she speaks. "They may help the ordinary person, but they're no better than you, using people for their own gains. They just give you a comfy room whilst they do it." My head drops at her words. She's right, how can we preach about being the good guys when we've treated her like this. "My own sisters didn't trust me. Believed I was still working for you. I just wanted a NORMAL FUCKING LIFE!" She shouts, tears now falling down her bloodied cheeks.

"I was safe and happy. But they manipulated that. Used my weaknesses against me. I always used to think you'd never beat me because I still loved with everything I had. But now I see it, you're right. Love really is just for children. It gets you nothing but heartache and makes you weak and vulnerable." I look over to Wanda at this point and, if it's possible, I think I just saw her heart break even more.

That was something Yelena and I always admired about Y/n. Through all of the hell we went through, she still loved and cared for people. She never let them break that. The irony that her very family were the ones to actually make her give up.

"Tony, please say you have something. We don't have much time." I beg, knowing that Y/n's life is very much on the line right now. "I'm dispensable. No one really knows who I am. There is no one who will mourn me. But you've shown your hand. I'll die today but you won't win." I can't bare to hear her talk like she is. I'd mourn her. All those years we were apart, I felt like a part of me was missing. Then when we got her back, even when she was giving us the cold shoulder, I felt like I was whole again.

My eyes don't leave the screen as I see Dreykov step towards Y/n. "You always disappointed me. Always in the shadows of your sisters, never quite able to match their ability. And here you are, still disappointing me. You know what I do with lose ends?" He growls. "Cut them." And with those words he plunges a knife into Y/n's torso and twists it. "NO!" Yelena and I both shoot up from our seats. "You'll never win." Y/n whispers with a smirk, bloody starting to drip from her mouth.

"I've got a location! They're in Mexico. Suit up and in the Quinjet now!" Tony shouts, but I'm still staring at the screen. "She's no use to us now. She's not got long. Do as you please with her then leave." Dreykov coldly speaks as he wipes the blood from his hand. Forgetting the video, it carries on playing as his goons take turns in hitting Y/n like a punch bag. "Natasha, come on. We have to go now if we've got any chance of saving our mladshaya sestra." Yelena's voice pulls me back to the room, and I instantly run out to change and get ready to kill the son of a bitch.

The flight on the quinjet thankfully didn't take too long. Which was good as every minute counts. Who knows what they're doing to her right now. I just pray that she's still alive, clinging one. But I could see it, she had given up, accepted her fate of dying. "We need a plan for when we get there." Steve says looking to me. "Yelena, Wanda and I will go to Y/n. The rest of you, clear the building and get Dreykov. Then leave him for us." I order. Nice and simple.

Everyone agrees and as soon as the jet touches the floor, we are running out and heading in. There weren't many guards, clearly this was just a holding place. That works to our benefit. I pushed down every feeling I had to focus on getting to Y/n. I couldn't let my fear of losing her overpower me right now or I'd be no help to anyone. "Over here Natasha!" I hear Yelena shout. With one swift kick, I take out the last guard and rush over to her, Wanda not far behind. "It's locked, but I can hear those assholes in there!" She says as I grab the handle and try it for myself. "I'll deal with it." Wanda states, pushing us back out of the way.

Red whisps come from her hands and within seconds the door is off it's hinges. I gasp as I see Y/n's bloodied form. She's almost unrecognisable. The pool of blood under her body shows that she doesn't have much time. The guards in the room have a smug look on their faces as they turn to see us. "The boss will be so happy when we turn up will all three of them!" One of them sneers. With one swift movement the same red whisps wrap around his body and that smirk is soon replaced with fear.

"I saw you in the video. You enjoyed this the most." Wanda growls, her eyes completely red now as she stalks towards him. "I'll be sure to enjoy this, and with those words she snaps his neck, his body falling to the floor. Yelena and I fight off the three remaining men. As soon as the last body hits the floor I rush over to Y/n.

"Oh my God. What have they done to you?" I whisper. "Yelena, help me get her down." I order. We carefully lift her, but the movement jolts her awake and has her crying out in pain. "Y/n, it's Nat. We're here to take you home." I speak softly, slowly moving some of her hair out of her face. Yelena has taken off her jacket and is using it to try and stop the bleeding from the stab wound that Dreykov inflicted. "I don't have a home." Y/n struggles to say as her eyes flutter close. "No! Keep those eyes open pauchok. Yell at me, tell me you hate me, just don't go to sleep." I beg. Hearing how much she hates me would be better than this silence as she falls into unconsciousness.

"Let's get her to Bruce." I say, slipping my arms under her and lifting her into me. "We have Y/n. Bruce we're on our way to you." I shout into the comms before rushing out as quickly as we can. Yelena doesn't let up on the pressure to Y/n's stomach and Wanda's eyes only leave Y/n to open a door or take out the last few guards. "We have Dreykov." Tony announces through the comms. But right now, it's the last thing on my mind. I just want Y/n to be ok.

Bruce is waiting for us in the medical area on the jet. I gently place Y/n's body down onto the table and step back allowing Bruce and his team to get to work. My arms reach out to grasp around Yelena. I need her close to me and I know she does too. I notice Wanda looking lost, so I hold my hand out to her, which she easily takes. The three of us watch as Bruce fights to save Y/n. Minutes slowly ticking by.

"She's crashing! I need more blood, adrenaline and atropine." Bruce shouts his orders and the team react instantly. It feels like my own heart has stopped as we watch Bruce start compressions. With each jolt of electricity that is used to try to restart her heart, we collectively flinch. Tears are streaming down my eyes as I watch our sister slowly fade away and it's all our fault.

Bruce looks over to us and I see the pain in his own eyes. The short time Y/n had been with us, she had made close friends. Everyone loved her. I'm waiting for him to tell us that he's done all he can. That Y/n, my sister who I was meant to protect, is dead. He goes to open his mouth but it's like he second guesses what he wants to say. He simply turns on the spot and returns to working on Y/n.

He refuses to give up and I couldn't be more grateful when the heart monitor starts to beep. We all let out a collective sigh of relief. But it doesn't last long. "Aw, your pauchok is still alive. I guess I'll have to try harder to squish her next time!" I storm over to Dreykov who has his arms handcuffed behind his back. My fist connects with his smug face, knocking his body to the floor. Yelena is quickly by my side delivering a swift kick to his stomach.

"I'll get out. A prison won't hold me. I have friends in high places." He taunts from the floor. "That won't be a problem if we kill you." I snarl back to him. "You're not a killer anymore Natalia. You've done soft. The Avengers have tainted you." He's so sure of his words. Looking up I see the Avengers, my friends, my family, looking at me. Steve gives me a nod and turns his back, walking towards the jet. It's his silent way of telling me to do what I have to do. The others soon fall in line and it's just Yelena, Wanda and I left.

"You know. I hated my life in the red room. I've spent my whole time trying to make up for the horrible things I did whilst I was under your control. I lost sight of the fact that I gained two of the most important things to me whilst in that hell. My sisters." I tell him, connecting my boot to his face. "She'll never forgive you." He smirks through bloodied teeth. "You're right. I don't think she will. But I won't make the same mistake twice in not protecting her." I tell him, crouching down in front of him. "You two can go. You don't need to be a part of this." I say to Yelena and Wanda. But neither of them move.

"I want to watch this man die after everything he's done." Yelena hisses. "And I want to see him pay for the hurt he's caused to Y/n." Wanda adds on. "You're no different than us if you kill me." He speaks from the floor. I can see he's panicking now. "The only difference is, as much as I want to drag this out and cause you as much pain as possible. I won't. I'll make this quick." I stand up and take my gun from my holster, pointing it to his head. "Wait! No please..." I don't give him a chance before I pull the trigger. The bullet lodging in his skull.

Without giving him another look, I walk away, Yelena and Wanda following behind. When we get to the jet, we all go straight to Y/n. "She's stable for now, but she'll need surgery as soon as we're back at the compound. I've called Cho and she'll be waiting for us." Bruce informs us. "Thank you for saving her Bruce." Yelena says, taking Y/n's hand in her own. "She's not out of the woods yet. But she's strong." He replies, placing his hand on Yelena's shoulder.

The journey back to the compound is much calmer than when we left. The three of us never leave Y/n's side as we make the journey home. Just as Bruce said, Cho and her team are waiting for us and take Y/n straight to the medical wing. "You three should go and clean up. Y/n will be in surgery for a while. I promise I'll update you if anything changes before you get back." Tony tells us. None of us have the energy to fight and I can't bare to have Y/n's blood on my hands for much longer.

After Y/n's surgery, she falls into a coma. Her body had extensive injuries and it's a miracle that she is even alive. But we have no idea if or when she might wake up. Even if she does, she'll have a lot of recovery to go through. Between Yelena, Wanda and I, one of us is always with her. A lot of the time all three of us just sit with her, telling her how sorry we are, begging her to wake up. But nothing changes.

3 weeks. That's how long she's been led in this bed unconscious. Each day I'm losing hope that she'll ever wake up. But I won't give up on her. I have to be there for her as much as I can. Even if she has no clue that we're here. It's a Tuesday lunch time and the three of us are eating our salad around Y/n's bed. Filling her in on the latest stupid thing Tony did. Wanda suddenly grabs at her head in pain. "Are you ok Wands?" I ask, placing my hand on her back. "It's not me." She groans. I instantly turn my head to see Y/n's eyes flicking. "Y/n. pauchok? Can you hear us?" I say, gently running my hand through her hair.

I turn to tell Yelena to get Bruce but she's already out of the door calling for him. When her eyes eventually open, they dart around the room, trying to identify where she is. "You're ok Y/n. You're at the compound you're safe. Bruce is on his way." I try to reassure her. Having her awake, all I want to do is tell her how sorry I am and beg her for forgiveness. But I can't.

Wanda is by her side, her hand interlocked with Y/n's. But we all step back when Bruce enters the room and let him do his thing. She's not very responsive but Bruce looks somewhat happy. "She'll probably be in and out of consciousness for a while, but she seems to be doing ok. I'll do more test when she's more with it and I'll have a better idea at what we're dealing with." He explains before leaving us to it.

Over the next few hours, she goes in and out of consciousness, but we never leave her side. She becomes move communicative as she does, giving us the bare minimum to show she's awake. "Why are you here?" She asks when she's more with it. "I know you have no reason to believe or trust us, but we wanted to be here for you." She looks around the room at all of us but doesn't offer a response.

"Good to see you're awake. Would you mind giving us the room so I can run some tests?" Bruce asks us, taking Y/n's chart. We slip out of the room and stand by the window observing as Bruce carries out his checks. "Do you think she'll ever forgive us?" Yelena asks, the sadness evident in her voice. I sigh knowing I can't really give her the answer she wants. "I'm not sure she will. It was so hard to get her forgiveness when she came back in our lives. As much as that was real to us, it was based off of lies." I reply, giving no reassurance at all. But it doesn't pay to live off false hope.

Wanda stands there quietly, lost in her thoughts. "Are you ok?" I ask her, reaching out to place a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I love her so much. I know it started as a mission, but I fell for her, hard. I can't bare to think that I've lost her. I know it's all on me, but I have to at least fight for her. You should do the same." She says before walking out and leaving us.

Over the next week, Y/n was starting to heal. Bruce had warned us that she would have to go through extensive physio to even have a chance at a full recovery. The beating gave her a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) and there is damage to her spin, which at the moment has resulted in paralysis from her waist down. Something Bruce is hopefully will be temporary with the help of physio.

Much to Y/n's dismay, we all stuck around. After what happened, Fury agreed to allow us all an extended leave of absence, only to be called upon for world saving missions. It meant that we could dedicate our time to helping Y/n recover. We are determined to show her that we're being completely honest and want to be there for her. I just don't know if she'll accept it.

Y/n's POV:

Well, that whole experience was hell. I thought I was going to die after Dreykov stabbed me. I had come to terms and accepted my fate. In my mind, I genuinely thought that I was alone. After everything that had happened with my sisters and Wanda, there was not one part of me that thought they would come for me. Especially as it risked opening them up to the risk of being capture by the red room again.

I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm so unbelievably hurt by it all, but they were there for me when I thought I was alone. But that doesn't make up for everything they did does it? It makes it harder to know what I'm feeling when they're around me all day being sickly sweet. When I heard they had all taken a leave of absence, I was shocked. Nat has always been so focused on making up for her wrongs, missions have become her life.

Seeing Wanda is the hardest. I still love her. That isn't going away any time soon, especially when I wake up to her, my hand clenched in hers, her beautiful red hair splayed over my legs. The pining looks she gives me don't help either. I know exactly how I feel, but I don't have a clue what is real and what is fake anymore. My trust radar is completely out of whack so I've gone completely on the defensive and built up my walls as high as I can.

On top of all this emotional stress, my body is broken. I'm stuck in a hospital bed having to rely on other people to help me do basic things. What makes it worse, is it's the people that I don't want to be around that are doing them. They've managed to scare off every nurse that Tony and Bruce have brought in to help and it's getting frustrating. Everything is just getting too much. I know even if I make ground in rehab, I'm not ever going to be back to where I was. I'll be no use to them for missions, so it won't be long until I'm back on my own anyway. I have sisters I can't trust and who don't seem to trust me and I woman I'm madly in love with but so incredibly hurt by. I just don't know what to do.

Sensing my frustration, Tony was able to convince the others to let him take me to my physio appointment. I was trying to get the use of my legs back. I can stand but walking is proving difficult. It was a relief to not have apologetic and pitying eyes on me the whole session. "Come on Y/n, you've got this. Just one step that's all." The physio, Mark, encourages. I frown as I have failed at every attempt to do this today.

I have a sheen of sweat on my forehead as I hold my body weight up on the two support poles beside me. If Dreykov could see me now, he'd laugh at what he had turned me into. I shake my head, trying to fight off the intrusive thoughts. I manage to get my leg to move forward in an awkward step, but I smile as it's the furthest I've got so far. "Amazing work Y/n!" Tony encourages me from the side. I place my foot down but I get the weight wrong and I'm tumbling to the floor, Tony's arms just catching my head before it could bounce off the padded base.

"You did great today Y/n. Let's get you up and try again." Mark says in an annoyingly enthusiastic voice. "I think she needs a rest." Tony suggests, already seeing my anger. "But she's so close, just one more try...." "No." I growl lowly. "No?" He questions me. "I can't do this anymore! I'm just useless! Leave me alone! Just get out!" I yell, tears forming in my eyes. Mark doesn't need telling twice as she scurries out of the room. But Tony doesn't listen to me. He just sits there holding me as I'm still in a heap on the floor.

My chest is heaving as I breathe heavily from the anger and effort I had put into today. "Talk to me." Tony says softly. "I look between his eyes, my own full of tears. I don't see pity. I just see care. "I'm scared." I admit quietly, afraid of my own voice. Tony doesn't respond, he just lets me reach the words I need in my own time. "I know I'll never be back to how I was. Which means when I leave here, I can't guarantee my safety. Before when I was on my own, I knew I could fight out of most situations. But now I'll be hindered. Dreykov may be dead, but there will be others in his place and my head will still have a bounty on it." I express.

He frowns as I talk but lets me finish. "Why would you leave here?" He questions a little surprised. "I can't bring anything to the team. I know the only reason that you let me stay before was because you were trying to work out if you could trust me enough to be in this team. As soon as my recovery is done, I'll have to leave." I reply but he just scoffs. "You have value without your fighting skills. Do you know how much work you help me do in the last 8 months? You'd be such an asset for me in my lab. But even if you didn't want to do that and just work in a bar. I pay for this place, and I'll decide who lives here and you're one of them. You're not going anywhere unless it's because you want to." He tells me firmly.

I smile at him, appreciating his support. "But I know that's only half the issue Y/n. The other three have refused to leave your side these last few weeks. I sigh, knowing ultimately the main reason for this conflict in my head. "I learnt to trust and forgive them again after everything they did when they left the red room. I can't be angry at them for leaving for a better life." I admit and he nods. "But I feel betrayed that everything was a mission to them these last few months. Did they actually want me to be back in their lives? Was I still an inconvenience to them? Then there's the whole Wanda situation. I don't even know if what she felt for me was real. And that terrifies me. Because I gave everything to her, I was vulnerable, and my walls were completely down. But now? Now I feel like that love was just used and abused all for SHIELD's benefit."

Saying this all out loud is actually helping. I feel a weight lifting off my chest sharing with someone, that I do actually trust, how I'm really feeling. "Y/n. I know what they did was inexcusable. But I can tell you now that Nat and Yelena were so excited for you to come to New York. I've never seen Nat like it before. She was soft. When we were waiting for your arrival, they couldn't sit still. They had spent time trying to make sure you had everything you'd need in your room. It wasn't just obligation." I think over his words, still unsure how it makes me feel.

"And Wanda. That girl has never been able to hide her feelings. The amount of times I would catch her just staring at you with eyes full of love, a smile on her face. You could be doing the simplest of things and she would be there watching you as if you were hanging the moon and the stars." He smirks at me as he remembers. "But she, all of them, hurt me." I state and he nods. "I know. I'm not saying forgive them. I just wanted you to know, that yes, maybe this was all a mission, but I truly believe that they care and love you. Maybe it'll help you get the closure you'll need."

I instantly pull Tony into a hug, even in our awkward position on the floor. He hugs back within a heartbeat and chuckles. "You're already getting your strength back I see." He says, pretending to choke. "Sorry." I say, letting go of my death grip. He helps me up off the floor and takes me back into the hospital room.

I get about 20 minutes of peace before two assassins darken my doorway. "Can we come in?" They ask. "You've never asked permission before." I snap back to them. "We realise that we've been a bit over the top these last few days and weeks." Nat admits shyly. It's very unusual to see her like this, the confidence drained from her. I nod and they both enter, taking a seat to the side of my bed. "How was physio?" Yelena asks when an awkward silence fills the room. "Ok. I took a step..." "That's great!" Nat interrupted but I shook my head. "Then fell on my ass." I add on and see them both frown.

"I told you I didn't like that, Mark. He's a fraud." Yelena huffs to Nat. "He's a physio Yelena, he's just trying to help." Nat defends. "Then why did our sister end up on the floor?!" Yelena shoots right back. I find it quite amusing seeing their little back and forth. It used to entertain me greatly back in the red room. It was some of the only humour I got.

After their bickering ends, Nat has been able to convince Yelena to not kick Mark's ass. "Did you just come in here to argue or was there something else you wanted?" I say when they finally stop their fight. The two of them look between each other and sit up straighter. "We would like to talk. But we'd also appreciate if you would let us finish before you say anything." Nat answers. I sigh but wave my hand for them to continue.

"I'm, we're both so sorry. I know that's not enough. We have let you down and betrayed you twice now. There are no excuses for how we acted this time around. But please know that we are both so happy that you are back in our lives. When Fury told us that he found you, we were so happy. We had heard rumours you were dead and that broke us because we thought we missed our chance to make things right. But when we got the chance to do that, we royally fucked up." Nat starts, Yelena nodding along the whole time.

"We have always trusted you. Although it may not seem like it. We were scared we'd lose you and wanted to do everything in our power to keep you safe and with us. So, we listened to Fury and agreed to this stupid mission. But it back fired and you ended up getting more hurt than either of us thought possible." Yelena now takes her turn to speak. I've never seen her talk with such sincerity before. No sarcasm or snarky comments.

"You died. We watch you die and then watched as Bruce fought so hard to bring you back to us. It was all our fault, if we had just been honest from the start, you'd be fine now. Not having to learn to walk and do basic things all over again." Nat takes a breath before looking at Yelena, who gives her a sad nod. "We know that you probably won't be able to forgive us and, as much as it hurts, we're ok with that. We just wanted you to know, that it was real to us. All of it." She finished her little speech and I let the words sink in.

They both give me a smile and stand up to leave. I watch as they get closer to the door. I'm sure they're walking slowly, hoping I call after them. "Oh, I'm going to regret this." I mumble to myself. "Wait!" I call after them. They both spin around to face me again. Expectant looks on their faces. "You're right. I'm not sure if I can forgive you. Not easily anyway." Their faces drop at my words, and I notice Yelena reach out to Nat's hand, seeking comfort. "You know, I worshipped the ground you walked on when we were in the red room. I would go to bed every night and dream of what we'd be like when we would finally escape and be free. This is far from that dream." I share and they both nod.

"I'm willing to try to, you know, maybe work things out." I say almost at a whisper. Both eyes suddenly lock on to me, but I can't meet theirs. "But there can't be anymore lies and you need to be patient with me. I don't think we can fall back to how we were." I explain, finally lifting my head to see my two sisters, who's eyes have tears brimming in them. "Really?" Nat whispers and I nod. "oh pauchok. I promise, we'll do everything you ask. We won't fuck this up this time." She replies through a cry.

"Can we hug you?" Yelena asks timidly. I nod hesitantly, but the moment both of them wrap their arms around me, I feel safe again. There is a part of me that hates that I feel like that so easily. I still want to be mad and angry at them. But I'll take this moment, this feeling. It's a long way, but I hope maybe we can get some resemblance of the relationship we used to have.

The next few days are like the others, though the tension with my sisters is a little less. I thought that after our talk they would be back to working and backing off a little. But they don't, they promised me there were here until I was fully recovered, and they were sticking by it but promised to respect my boundaries. I really appreciated it.

I had noticed that Wanda had been around less. I thought it wouldn't bother me, but I guess I found comfort in her presence. But I can't blame her, I haven't been the nicest person to anyone recently, and regardless of what happened between us, it's no excuse for me to be a dick.

Today I was having a rough day. Physio was hard, although I'm getting a couple of steps at a time now, the frustration that it's not progressing quicker really hindered me today. I fell, a lot, and I'm hurting. My mood is low and I'm really just not in the mood to see anyone. But tonight, my sisters decided they didn't want to respect my boundaries.

"Come on! Up in the chair, you're getting out of this room and getting some fresh air." Nat orders with a big smile on her face whilst Yelena is fighting with me to put a coat on. "I'm quite comfortable in here. Please just take your cheeriness away from my dark cloud today!" I complain. Both of them just laugh at me. "Oh, mladshaya sestra. Let us help to cheer you up." Nat cooed. I reluctantly agree, knowing that it'll be easier than fighting. Besides, I've barely been outside since I ended up in the medical wing.

They help me up into my chair and roll me to the small lake in the grounds of the compound. As I get closer, I see a familiar red head, standing awkwardly, picking at the skin around her finger nails. It's then I notice the picnic blanket and food dotted around. "Well, have a nice evening." Yelena says, letting go of my chair, which carries on rolling as it's on a slope. "Hey, what?! Wait!" I call after them. "You didn't need to push her." Nat scolds as they run off. "What, the witch will catch her." I hear Yelena defend.

And she's right. As I turn around to stop the chair, Wanda is already there, her hands on the arm rest to stop me going any further. "Hi." She squeaks when our eyes meet. "What's this?" I ask, pointing towards the little set up. She rolls me closer and offers to help me out of the chair, still not offering an explanation. I raise my eyebrow at her not letting her help until I get some idea of why we're here. "Can you please just sit with me, and I'll explain?" She pleads. Against my better judgement I agree.

She helps to lift me out of the chair and onto the blanket. She is then quickly throwing another over my lap to keep me warm. My eyes are firmly on the ground, embarrassed that I still need help to even get in and out of this damn chair. "You shouldn't be ashamed of it." Wanda's voice breaks through my thoughts. "It's not weak to need help." She adds on. I sigh and look at her. "I'm sure you didn't bring me here to talk about my wheelchair." I say, a hint of frustration in my voice.

She quickly shakes her head. "I love you." She blurts out and it takes me by surprise. I can tell by her body language there is no lies, but I still find it hard to believe. "Yes, it started as a mission, but it very quickly stopped being one for me. All the feelings I had, have, for you are real. I never should have agreed to the mission in the first place, but I was desperate to prove myself to Fury. I didn't even stop to think about feelings through it all. But once I started to fall for you, it was all I could think about."

She rambles on as all her feelings come tumbling out. "I hated lying to you. I should have ignored Fury and just told you the truth. I know that you still probably would have left me, but at least I could have explained it all to you. I'm so sorry Y/n. I really am, I'll regret what I did for the rest of my life." She's crying as she speaks "I wouldn't have left you." I say quietly. "What?" She questions. "If you had told me. I would have been really mad, but I wouldn't have left you." I tell her but that seems to make things worse. I guess it just reiterated for her that she made the wrong decision.

"But you have to understand how hard it is to trust what you're saying right now." I say with more confidence. "I do. But let me show you. Let me show you that everything I felt was real. You can do with it as you please, but at least you'll know the truth." She suggests. I think for a moment before nodding. She raises her hand to my head and red whisps appear before my vision is clouded. I see flashes of all the times that we're together and how she was feeling. It's almost overwhelming how much love she feels towards me. She also shows me the sorrow and pain she felt when I was gone. As my vision starts to return, she's looking at me with tears falling down her face.

"You don't have to forgive me or take me back. I just had to let you know that it was all true. I couldn't bare you thinking that I manipulated it in anyway." I really appreciate her doing that. It helps to bring me the closure that I need. "I'm not sure what to do with this." I admit and she scootches forward a little and rests her hand on mine. "You don't have to do anything. But if you don't push me away, I'd like to try and make things up to you. Maybe we can get back to being friends at least. Maybe one day you might find it in you to forgive me." She replies. "But for now. Just sit and enjoy this picnic with me?" She says but it comes out as a question. I nod and reach out for the plate on the blanket. It's a nice evening and there is no pressure.

It takes time, but I can feel the relationships between my sisters and Wanda starting to mend. They stick by my side through my recovery, along with Tony, and I didn't realise how much I needed that. All of their actions went to show how much they care for me.

A year after the kidnapping, I'm finally up and walking, with the help of walking sticks, but I'm not reliant on the wheelchair anymore. I'm helping Tony out in his lab, as he suggested, and I'm really enjoying it. Problem solving and building tech that helps people is really rewarding to me.

Nat and Yelena are slowly starting to go back on missions but are around a lot more. It took me a while, but I think I'm finally there in trusting and forgiving them. I feel like I have my sisters back. Along with it I gained a family with the Avengers. Something I never thought that I would get.

And Wanda you ask? Well, our friendship really started to flourish and became really important to me. But tonight, I think that friendship could be ruined. But in all the best possible ways as we're going out on our first official date.

[abbysimsfun]

Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 66 (Going to Therapy)

Heather and Conrad scheduled their first appointment with Dr. Supriya Delgato two weekends later, when Ash was again back in the city with the Landgraabs. The almost-four-year-old was none the wiser to what they'd just gone through, with Heather's resilience leading their way through the fog.

They arrived together to St. Sims Hospital on Friday evening. Licensed to deal with family relationships, Dr. Delgato greeted them with a warm smile. "Welcome," she said. "I want to start by saying it's brave to be here, to be willing to have these kinds of discussions."

"Thank you, Dr. Delgato. And my mother said to say hello."

"You know our therapist?"

Heather shrugged. "She met my mother years ago and her son Pierce is friends with my sister, Hazel, but I really only know the Delgatos through the clinic."

(Pierce Delgato is also married to Carlton Bell, a younger brother of Heather's brother-in-law, Kris, Holly's husband.)

"Small towns are like that, Mr. Gordon. I assure you I'm an impartial participant in your healing journey."

"I feel like I'm on the other side of the table in the interrogation room at the station," he admitted.

"I don't want either of you to feel like this is an interrogation. We're just having a conversation, trying to unlock things that maybe you've been unable to say to yourself. Why don't you start by telling me how you two met."

"I came out to interview her about a case at my last precinct," said Conrad with a half smile. "A month or so after the investigation ended we ran into each other again."

"He scheduled a vet appointment at my clinic four hours out of the way," she cut in. "My sister pushed us together, gratefully. I was afraid I wasn't ready after my last relationship with my son's father."

"What made you sure you were ready for a full commitment?"

"Conrad did." Heather smiled. "He makes me feel safe, and he centers me when I'm spiraling. My son had an accident not long ago, and I don't know how either of us would have gotten through it without him. I have to stop myself from thinking he's a better father to my son than his own father because it's not fair to Malcolm to have to live up to the man he is. Before Conrad, my romantic history is...it's not great."

"It's not that bad," said Conrad. "So you dated Malcolm Landgraab and pined for your best friend."

"I almost slept with Everett when I found out I was pregnant with Ash," she admitted. "And when I was in high school I was so sad he wouldn't choose me I flirted with his father!"

"Sometimes when we're young we can't control our emotions, and we don't yet know how we feel about ourselves or the world," said Dr. Delgato. "Have you ever talked with a therapist before, Heather?"

She shook her head. "I meant to, but I'm always busy, and my family and I are so close. My brother, River, can always be counted on to tell me what I need to hear."

Conrad had never heard either story from her past before, but neither could change how he saw her. "Your brother says you think you're broken, but I've never seen that."

"What do you see, Conrad?" asked Dr. Delgato.

"I see an amazing mother who runs her own business and loves with her whole heart, so when she gets hurt, she puts walls up."

"But you helped me tear them down."

"And what about you, Conrad? When you're hurting, how do you respond?"

He nodded. "I put walls up."

"And your fears of fatherhood stem from the deaths of your parents?"

"My mom, mostly. She died when I was fifteen, but she was sick for almost five years before that."

"He worries something could happen to him and his child would have to grieve him," said Heather. "I don't know how to talk to him about it because I can't think about losing him, either."

"I felt cheated for time," he admitted. "Before I got my anger under control, I would find it so easy to get mad at her for leaving me, then mad at the world again when I remembered how much she didn't want to die. The thought of my kid ever going through what I went through scares me more than dying."

"It's interesting you've forged such strong bonds with Heather and her son despite this fear. Surely both would be just as devastated as your own child if they lost you."

Heather nodded emphatically. "We would be," she agreed. "Ash sees his father one or two weekends a month in San Myshuno. Sometimes Conrad's with him more than I am, if I work late. His name's on school records so he can pick him up from daycare. He knows how to get him to sleep when he wants to stay up late with us, and he makes his favourite spaghetti with tomato sauce exactly how he likes it."

"I love every minute I spend with Ash," he said, a proud smile spreading across his lips. "He's smart as hell. Mastered every game on his Wabbit Tablet already, and he's so good with Gord and the cats. Sometimes it does feel like I'm basically a father to him, but I don't make decisions about his life. It's not my place, and I would never take that responsibility from his parents. Ash and Heather both have so many people around them. My family was just my parents and me, but Heather's family is huge, and Ash has his father's family, too. If anything happened to me, they'd never be as alone as I felt."

"We are your family, Conrad. Me, Ash, and my family, too. River loves you like the brother he never had, especially after your advice to read The Giving Tree worked getting Michael to sleep."

"It wasn't advice, it was an idea. I liked the story, Ash liked the story, it sorta felt like an easy thing to try."

(They went to therapy feeling very flirty because they kissed right before I set this up, and unflirty Heather autonomously blew him that kiss.)

"Conrad, correct me if I'm wrong, but say, hypothetically, you couldn't see Ash anymore," suggested Dr. Delgato. "How would you feel?"

"Devastated."

"There's no shame in feeling like you're not ready to be a parent, but do you think your desire to form family attachments and your fear of having children might contradict each other? Maybe it's an old idea you've held on to because it's comforting when things are consistent, especially when you went through so much upheaval when your mother was sick. But you can't stop other people's grief. If you really think about what you want, is it to limit the number of loved ones who would miss you, or are you afraid to admit you want the family you felt was robbed from you, knowing everything you know about how devastating losing family can be?"

Conrad considered the question. "You are good, Dr. Delgato. When Heather told me she was pregnant, I wasn't sure I was ready, but when we lost the baby...I want a family with Heather, but I don't want to spend every day of my kid's life hung up on the worst case scenario. I know how this sounds, but Heather's mind jumped through a flaming blue hoop to talk to the dead about ambrosia without a single fear, and I don't know how she does it. My mother was a high school guidance counselor before she got sick, and the dead mentors..."

"Conrad, I didn't see her," Heather promised. "We don't even know if we'll need to travel again, but I could go-"

"No. I want to face everything I haven't let myself deal with," he said. "I want to do this for us, and for our family. It's just a lot for me after keeping it all to myself for so long."

Dr. Delgato smiled warmly. "Sounds to me like you took the Ambrosia Society up on their challenge! And you're doing it together, how fantastic. My daughter Evie looked into it." The doctor seemed struck by a sudden idea. "Have you summoned the Grim Reaper as part of the challenge yet?"

They shook their heads. "It seems wrong when Ash is home," said Heather. "We're doing it for him, but we don't want to scare him. And Conrad...the whole thing has to do with death. I understand why it scares him so much."

"I think you should consider talking to Grim about death. He certainly knows the subject. Both of you should summon him and keep working together on the challenge. If you like, we could schedule another appointment in a month or two if you still need someone to talk to, but you two are one of the strongest couples I've talked to in a while. You went through a terrible thing together, but it's obvious you find strength in each other. Hold on to that and I think you'll get through this."

They thanked Dr. Delgato, and Heather looked at Conrad nervously when they walked in the door. "Ash doesn't get home until Sunday and our Spooky Day party is tomorrow night - should we summon Grim tonight, maybe?"

Conrad didn't want to disappoint her, but he still wasn't ready. "Maybe tomorrow morning, before we get set up for the party," he bargained. She nodded.

"Tomorrow morning."

Though he felt as though he'd made an important realization with Dr. Delgato, Conrad was still too cautious to rush into facing death. ->

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NOTE: Would a real counselor advise you to talk to the dead? Not like this! But The Sims is surreal and I technically turned the ambrosia quest into a team activity/bonding experience, so it made sense to me that she'd be like "This is great, go further, be a team!"