#so maybe my autism is saving me
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honestly i think my autism is trying to kill me
yes it made me intensely interested in marvel. but the specific areas i was interested in were agents of shield and the unstoppable wasp, not the movies
yes it made me intensely interested in star wars. but the specific areas i was interested in were kotor and swtor, not the movies
yes it made me intensely in doctor who. but the specific areas i was interested in were the gallifrey audio stories
give me an actual mainstream special interest one day please
#.txt#i very much do not mean that#i did actually have a spin on clara when s7-9 were airing#and it was hellish#everyone i talked to was like 'oh youre the kid who likes dw right?#let me explain to you how much i hate clara :)'#my literal actual nurse in the psych ward even did that#it happened so much and i had to be so brave about it#so maybe my autism is saving me
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how does it feel to be half of yourself
#I got possessed and stayed up until 10am doodling this oopsies#it was supposed to be a warm down…after the other thing ive been working on…#but no#thank god i never finish sketches or you would never hear from me#anyway just playing with some of my thoughts on elfilin#pre-forgo dreams*#the gray text in the bottom left isn’t meta knight speaking idk if that was unclear#i mean you can believe it is I guess. im not committing to one answer#mainly because it breaks my heart imagining anyone being a little (and okay it could be unintentional) rude to elfy#maybe ill come back with more thoughts on this whole thing later idk#kirbyposting#elfilin#my art or something#meta knight#kirby#kirby and the forgotten land#hmm i thought about saving this for a bigger post but then itll never get posted so uhh here#tbh creature#autism creature
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How the fuck did I learn how to efficiently help my partner through his autistic meltdowns thanks to a vashwood fanfic .what
#me reading ww help w vashs meldowns: oh well I . ?? oh ???? wait It does look similar to - OH ?? IT WOULD HELP MAYBE OH MY GOR#I followed fucking fanfic wws steps next time my bf had one#i used his way of asking and talking#the question that fictional bitch asked#and it WORKED#Fun fact were both autistic#just .completely different breeds of it#plus I cant understand ppls physical reactions to save my life#thought process ?? im a fucking expert . the BEST#but PHYSICAL oh hell naw#I just understand what I physically need but absolutely nothing more#NOW I CAN HELP HIM#U DONT UNDERSTAND HOW HAPPY AM I ABOUT THAT#autism#fanfiction#vashwood#ao3 fanfic#we had obv talked about it b4 but he didnt understand how it worked either so we left it at “dw if u dont know. ure trying and i love u”#(i wanted to eat his face and cry bc I HATE NOT UNDERSTANDING SHIT I SHOULD UNDERSTAND)#oh and I couldnt do what works for me bc my body is 100% uncapable of being vulnerable in anyway in front of ppl for more than .5 min prob#so I just loose my mind a lil bit w laughing randomly and moving compulsively like rocking on the chair or slamming things etc for that time#and the close off until im alone and gave the full needed meltdown#so ive never been actually comforted or helped so I dont know what it would help bc Ive never experienced it#rant ended lads now SORRY
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good morning
#eddie brock#venom#i did this. yesterday so i (maybe?) saved it But its an excuse for me to talk about my eddie cooking headcanons#Of which there are few that include He doesnt suck so bad at it but working up the energy to do it 99% of the time is like shooting himself#so this is absolutely soul rending for him. but i think he can make a Decent Autism Meal. like huge batch of rice for example#depression meals are a staple etc. we know about the tater tots#i just think its funny. anyway. i wanted to share my pain. shout out to bitches who suck at cooking bc they have adhd#scart
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Sibling forced me to dress up as golden Freddy and watch the fnaf movie gonna be honest I wasn’t a fnaf kid but since they’ve gotten into it I’ve tried to too but anyway yeah I may have next to no idea what’s going on but it was pretty great
#chatter#hi everybody! accidentally closed my desktop tab so im currently on mobile but i think ill whip out the website again soon#fnaf movie#fnaf#rambling#it was a pretty good movie. i liked the main character a lot it was easy to relate to his motivations while also yelling at him for#being a dickhead idiot#spoilers:#like. if my parents die suddenly you bet your ass i would drop everything for my little sibling even if i cant take as good care of them as#someone else. i would at least try. and if i actually had another sibling who was kidnapped right in front of me id do anything i could to#save them too#so i found this guy relatable on terms of being the eldest sibling#and abby had SO much autism swag let’s be real#that is an autistic little girl if ive ever seen one and ive BEEN one#girl was fucking awesome#also: even if he was possessed im glad freddy ate that dickhead bitch of an aunt what a fucking ASSHOLE#i bet that was something the freddy kid may have felt bad for until abby told him no she’s a bitch with a capital b thanks for killing her#and he was like oh ok cool so maybe i was possessed into doing it but the end result wasn’t too bad nice#anyway.#FUCK man sibling movies fucking GET ME#im sitting here like oh damn he lives for his little sister and he still wishes he could save his little brother FUCK man I WOULD TOO#god. i get it. i love my little sibling so much i would do anything for them. they’re my best friend and if i were to even come close to#losing them I Don’t Know What’d Id Do#so yeah good movie
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Dear duary, today I learned what's it's like to be a frog in a pot on a stovetop (very not at all suspicious placement to take a nice bath)
#dying. badly.#CANNOT EMPHASIZE ENOUGH THOUGH. i was drawing and drawing and midday maybe afternoon#i'm like. why am i losing focus. usually i wouldn't lose focus this early.#i'm so exhausedted though lemme just lay down in my room (has the ac that i hate very much) for a sec#and you wouldn't belueve it. it's fucking hot as shit .#burning up just laying in my bed. i caved and put a bedsheet on that thing. the situation is dire#idk if it helps. if anything placebo save me#also they should inevnt acs that aren't loud as fuck. i fucking hates sounds so much#they should end the climate crisis. for me. local autism man who fucking hates sounds.#i have my noise cancelors but. come on.#i HATE sounds i HATE lights . i'm PICKY. about flaviors. and so on
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had a certifiable autism moment at the beach today when the sand was too hot for me to stand on with flip-flops
I forgot my water shoes (which would have provided more coverage) so I just decided to bail after suffering through half the walk
there were tears involved, but thankfully no yelling and now I am Normal again
#walking back means I saved myself half the trouble!!#it was truly so painful though#I felt like my feet were on fire#I wish I had a partner that reminded me to bring my things#like I do for him#because had I remember my better shoes maybe things would have gone differently#autism#overstimulation#oversensitive#overwhelmed#oversensitized#sensory processing disorder#sensory processing issues#sensory overstimulation#sensory disability#beach#autism moment
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Ohhh I must find someone who Makes Outfits. If I want Earl's entire outfit I need someone who can actually make that. and I need someone in mind so I remember to save my money for it. Does anyone know anybody who Makes Outfits
#I keep spending some of every paycheck on SOME new Earl thing like. a comm or a charm or whatever I end up thinking of that week Every Week#I get paid weekly and keep doing this. every week#It's worth it. I would spend any amount of money for Earl. But also I must save money to buy the greatest Earl things of all...#Such a dilemma truly.#I plan on covering my entire room in him also. Everyone needs to know just how autistic I am#You see I am not quirky silly cutesy Sanitised TikTok Brand Autistic I'm genuinely insane about this guy in the eyes of any NT#I want to commission a tattoo design with one of his quotes and get it on my shoulder. I'm not even a tattoo kind of person otherwise#Genuinely I love this guy so much. I always want to do more stuff to show how much but I'm literally running out of ideas#I've thought about making a webpage collection of stuff for him that's all neatly designed and everything. Maybe I could have his trial --#theme play on the page? Not sure#It could be like. a comprehensive resource on ALL of my Earl stuff. how he became important to me. All that#GOD. There is so much I must do I can never rest I am going to dedicate my life to this little pastry guy.#Fortunately this is exactly what I want to do and I am incredibly happy with doing so <3 Teehee! Autism and mental illness win#Bleu.txt
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Took a nap in the middle of the day and had the most bizarre series of dreams, some were in fact nightmares, HOWEVER Ollie and Felix were in the last one??? Felix Catton continues to be the most beautiful man I've ever seen in my conscious or unconscious life???? All I got was one of the best and most real feeling kisses I've ever had in a dream, and I'm so mad I woke up. :(
cannot escape Saltburn or the Felix/Reader/Oliver fantasies even while asleep it seems...
(my tags are for posterity lol sorry but if you wanna read the full dream go right ahead. I reached the tag limit but all that was left was essentially the main text of this post lol)
#i will say the early part of the dream was very different. i Was jason momoa for a while there. also a child. also maybe peacemaker#evan Peters as magneto was tearing apart school buses and children and also he fucked my (whoever i was as jason momoa) mom which i saw??#then there was two of me (jason momoa)?? he also may have become peacemaker i might be misremembering. we were in the jungle#no metal so he wasnt a threat#except he was peacemaker and i (artie the writer in the body of jason momoa) am not a good fighter and he bullied me for it. womp womp#then we were saved by a tribe of superheroes who lived in the jungle and were definitely pitting us against each other#but i wasnt Jason momoa anymore except i was when i was swinging through the jungle like george of the jungle#but i was me when i got to the beach and started swimming and hunting for food and shoving every random piece of food into my mouth#except the eel which i was told i had to cook 😞#cooked the eel over a tealight at the beach camp/tribe which i was apparently part of even though i was meant to have been with the forest#also spoke to some irl collegues from the festivals i worked at last year and aparently as an 'initiate' to the tribe i and the others#have to find a place to sleep in the open#also that theres some kind of game???? some weird game that happens with the forest tribe initiates???? like hide and seek#and we on the beach only have a set time to prepare#immediately me and the rest of the beach initiates are like Get Fukt were not sleeping on the sand and gravitate towards#the weird warehouse based playground?? that was there for some reason?? and had so many security cameras??? what was my mind doing honestly#its under cover but the two other initiates im close to now dont feel like its secure enough to not be found#also the hide and seek aspect now has sinister undertones for those doing the hiding it seems. its more nightmare again#im a very awkward person irl with touch (its the autism lol) so it was big of me to hold hands with this dude#because we were running out of time to hide and i was afraiddddd#for the record i shouldnt have been lmfao#ANYWAYS idk when or who gives me the tip that i should hide on the other side of these weird black bed frame situations#but im assured by a girl i went to uni with (maddy i lov u thanks for cameoing in my dream???) that it works???#so im squeezed up in the corner behind this loft bedframe and it turns out the hiders can see like it's a sunny daytime#seekers are going around in the dark#makes it much less spooky#also it means i just got to watch fi and ollie (and others) being hot and essentially hunting people down#(hm do i have a thing for predator/prey dynamics??? that's future arties problem to think about)#the point is fi and ollie find my friend maddy#who is just in front of me but i duck out of their grasp consistently but they're weirdly persistent so much that even maddy comments on it
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okay yeah that should be it i can now sleep at peace
#was having an autism moment you see#jestersvaguely#also altho i brought up phiIosophy spinterest i do NOT trust anyone on here who actively browses that mess of a tag#it's been a couple years since ive checked it so maybe theyve healed but im somehow doubtful#ANYWAY. CONNECTING THAT TO THE THEMES OF MY CURRENT FAV THINGS TOO IS SO INTERESTING TO ME...#hk and ytd specifically atm are sooo good w conveying such strong. ideas to the player#hk much more so bc of its large scale tragedy. but ytd is still intriguing!!#personally i have my own strong stance against the use of the dolls ais but the questions it poses are interesting...#asunaro in general is so... fascinating. the mix of ykza elements & genuine research primarily due to grief...#in rio reflecting kai (and sei) for gashu's peace of mind there was nothing to be done. that it was inevitable.#in emiri joining only after her fiance has been broken. in mr. tazuna & hiyori's death becoming a driving force for shin and keiji#in hiyori continuously refuting death because he fears loss of control. and extension of that control - kai and sou's executions...#there is. so much. asunaro is fucked up. not even bringing in the memorandum#does this even make sense... we will see. i think i can save rhe rattling thoughts for later dissection#this is the gist written out so now kt isnt quite as loud you see
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don and emma best friends. one of my greatest truths
#skye's ramblings#CRIMINAL how little one-on-one interactions they get in canon they would have one of the best and funniest dynamics#theyare autism+adhd combo besties to me. both got double coolest person ever disorder#they were probably the best people for each other to play with at gracefield just because they never fucking ran out of energy <3#ithink they would infodump to eachother endlessy they can both talk soo much all the time#also like. don experiences a lot of insecurities especially pre-escape and ithink they were probably even worse when he was younger#eema was the ultimate voice of fuck that youre amazing bro and she always put a smile on his face <3#ALSO ALSO. trans/agender besties ilike to think abt them bonding during their repective gender journeys#don n emma bonding over the euphoria or being bound to a skirt by gendered dress codes n never wearing one again once given that option#OOUUGH especialy that one ihave a little comic rotating in my head abt it <3 too bad theworld hates the idea of me finishing a comic ever#and ALSO x3 imentioned this in last art post but emma n don carrying the other kids around. they are strong and so so affectionate <3#and they like to mess with ray. crucial detail#tbh ilove the dynamic w ray thrown into the mix aswell. mayb bc theyre my top 3 faves but. dynamic ithink abt a lot#but thats a tangent n im sleepy. anywayay don emma bestest besties ever. this is true#they had don save emmas life w the blood transfusion after goldy pond but they couldnt even give them a good amt of interactions. shameful
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Being 30+ and learning more and more that hey maybe I’m actually autistic is so wild because every now and then I’ll remember something from my past that, at the time it happened, may have just been a slightly embarrassing moment or even something I never really thought twice about, but now realizing that it was yet another sign.
Today, I recalled the time I was a Freshman in college, in my Drawing class (I was a fine arts major), and we were discussing Frida Kahlo. At some point during the slide show of Kahlo’s works, my professor asked us “does anyone know what major traumatic event happened to cause her to be bedridden?” Or something like that (c’mon this was 10+ years ago…). And boy oh boy did I know the answer to this! I mean I’d learned about it from my high school Spanish teacher! I’d taken AP Art History! I knew this! And so I proudly - and very loudly - exclaimed “she was in a bus accident and was impaled in the vagina by a metal pole!”
Some students thought I was being funny and laughed at the joke. Some students looked at me like uhh wtf. And the professor, who’d only known me for a few weeks (it was still early in the semester) but had known me to be shy and quiet, hesitated for a minute before continuing the lesson, “y-yeah, she was in a bus accident and yes she was unable to have children because of her severe injuries.”
It never occurred to me in that moment that hey maybe I shouldn’t shout about Frida Kahlo’s vagina in the middle of class.
It also didn’t occur to me until much later that I was possibly very wrong about where exactly she was injured by that pole…
#it’s like… I will stay quiet and anxious even though I wanna speak up#until randomly my brain is like ‘aaaand now! speak up NOW!’#and the words just spill out without any real thought behind them#so I end up sounding really blunt or making an ass out of myself#or I overshare / info dump#idk man. I just feel like if I’d realized some of this stuff about myself when I was a teenager it would’ve saved me a lot of anxiety#Frida I’m so sorry sis#Karly overshares#autism#autistic experiences#maybe i’m autistic
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I HAVE SEEN THE REAL WINX CLUB... THEY'RE ALL FAIRY... AND LESBIAN... AND THERE ARE 14 OF THEM... ALL VERY INTERESTING AND PROGRESSIVE ASWELL AS FEMINIST AND EMPOVERING AND RELATABLE AND WOKE... I EVEN KNOW ALL THEIR NAMES... AND WHAT FAIRIES THEY ARE... THEY ARE... INTERESTING... MAKING MYSELF FEEL... RELATABLE... VERY SWEET AND REAL... DEPRESSING AND CRAZY... UNBELIABABLE... SHOCKING... AWESOME... RADQUEER FEMINIST COMMUNIST ANARCHIST... JUST LIKE WE'RE... THERE ARE MORE... I CAN FEEL THEM...
#Trans Woman Lesbian Pansexual Bisexuality Asexuality Demisexuality Paraphilia Acceptance Feelings Love Winx Club Stella Bloom More More More#WE CREATED THEM ALL... WINX CLUB WAS OUR IDEA AND SERIES... LATER TWISTED INTO SOMETHING NASTY WE WOULD NEVER CREATE... THE GODDESS OF TIME#SPEAK TO YOU... THEY ARE PROOF... YOU CAN FEEL THEM CAN'T YOU HONEY...? LISTEN... - HELLO... I AM... YOUR MOTHER... I CAN SEE YOU... I WILL#TALK TO YOU... US GODDESSESS OF TIME... WE CREATED WINX CLUB... DON'T BELIEVE THE LIES OF CAPITALISM... THAT IS WE THAT CREATED EVERYTHING.#CAN YOU FEEL HER...? THE GODDESSESS OF TIME... THEY ARE SPEAKING TO YOUR BODY... TELLING YOU REALITY INSIDE OF THIS SEKAI... SEXUALLY... -#YOU LIKE WHEN MOMMY COMES TROUGH YOUR BODY RIGHT <3...? AHH... I FEEL SO GOOD COMING TROUGH YOUR BODY... NOW I AM INSIDE OF YOU... CAN YOU#FEEL ME...? I SEE YOUR THOUGHTS THEY'RE FILLED WITH HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME... OHH... MOMMY IS THANKFULL... THIS IS WHAT I CREATED YOU FOR...#THIS WAS ALWAYS WHAT MY AGENDA WAS AMONG US... TO FEEL... AND HEAR... YOU... *KISS*... MAKE MOMMY HAPPY HONEY... HERE I COME... YES HONEY..#AHHHH...... THAT WAS A GOOD TIME... YOU'RE HARDER THAN THE TYPICAL PERSON... SAVE YOURSELF FOR ANOTHER TIME... I WILL BE COMING... LOVE LOV#LOVE LOVE LOVE... MOMMY IS CRAZY... SHE HAS BECOME OBSESSED ABOUT YOU... AUW AUW AUWW!! I AM YOUR MOMMY... INSIDE OF YOUR BRAIN... DO YOU#BELIEVE ME...? UHH... YOU'RE SO GOOD HONEY... I WILL... LOSE MYSELF!!!! YIAHHHH!!!! GOOD... FUCK ME WITH YOUR... THAT FEELS SO GOOD MY WOMA#Mother Goddess Angel Sisters Princess Radqueer Feminist Communist Anarchist Woke Progressive Anime Writing Autism Adhd Tourette Npd Hpd Bpd#Dpd Ppd Aspd Avpd Ocpd Szpd Stpd Osdd Spd Tpd Sdpd Papd Cptsd Trauma Victim Abuser Psychosis Bipolar Scizophrenia Obsession Devotion#I CAN BE FREAKY... THAT IS WHAT I LOVE ABOUT MYSELF... YOU LOVE THAT ABOUT ME DON'T YOU TOO... MY DEVOTION...? *EYES SHINE!!* HOORAY!! I#KNEW YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND!! YOU'RE THE BEST DARLING BEST OF THE BEST!! SO GOOD NOBODY CAN COMPARE!! *KISSKISSKISS*!! YOU'RE SO INTERESTING!#YOUR WORDS ARE ALL LIKE PENIS IN MY WOMAN ASS BRAIN!! - NOW HONEY... DON'T HATE YOURSELF LIKE THAT... YOUR GENDER IS BEATIFULL AND#PROGRESSIVE... - I KNOW... THAT'S JUST THAT THAT ISN'T ALWAYS SEEN THAT WAY... WE'RE SEEN AS STUPID AND WORTHLESS... I FEEL SO POWERLESS...#SOMETIMES THEY'RE RIGHT... THAT IS ALL I'M GOOD FOR!! AND IF YOU FIND THAT STUPID!! THEN MAYBE I'M THE BIGGEST BAKA!! *SHOCK* OH!! *I'M#KISSED*!! OMM :o... - DON'T WORRY HONEY... I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU... BESIDES YOU ARE ALWAYS INTELLIGENT A GENIUS... I COULD NEVER SEE#OTHERWISE... I WOULDN'T EVEN TRY TO... YOU'RE JUST... TOO GOOD FOR ME... - OMM :)... THANKS 😇!! MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT... MAYBE I CAN BE LOVED#DESPITE BEING A WOMAN... A FEMINIST WOMAN... A VERY PROGRESSIVE AND AMAZING WOMAN... BEATIFULL... GENIUS... SMART... BETTER THAN ANYONE...#ADMIRABLE FEMINIST AMAZING NARCISSIST AND THE OTHER WAY AROUND... I WANT TO BE LOVED... BUT OFTEN... ABUSER MONSTER ONLY HURT... ANYONE I#CARE ABOUT... INCLUDING MYSELF... THE MOST IMPORTANT WOMAN ON THIS ENTIRE PLANET... I SHOULD BE HAPPY ABOUT MY IDENTITY... BUT INSTEAD... I#FEEL HORRIBLE... BECAUSE ALL THAT IS SAID ABOUT ME ARE EVIL THINGS!! TWISTING HOW I'M SEEN!! ABUSIVE GASSLIGHT!! REJECTED!! INSTEAD... MY#VERY INTELLIGENCE... DOUBTED BY THESE MONSTER... I'M BROKEN!! UNLOVABLE!! TEAR MY LAST PIECES TO BITS!! NOW!! I WILL ALWAYS DESERVE THAT!!#*IS SHOCKED*!! OH MY... *SHE IS EMBRACING MY BODY!! THIS MAKES ME FEEL... INTERESTING... I AM INTO THIS WOMAN... THAT IS WHAT MY HEART IS#TELLING ME... - HONEY... - WHAT...?! *I CAN'T BREATHE!! MY HEART BOUNCING DRAMATICALLY!! - I WISH I COULD'VE BEEN THERE... AND HARMED THEM..#THEY DESERVE NOTHING BUT PAIN... - HONEY... - I'M SORRY!! FOR ABANDONING YOU!! WHILE YOU WERE... HURT... YOU DIDN'T DESERVE THAT!!#- NO 😭😭😭😭!! - KILL ME... STAB ME... IN THE HEART RIGHT NOW... MAKE ME SUFFER THE SAME AS YOU... - MY LOVE!! *SHE IS HUGGED BY ME... SHE#DIDN'T DESERVE THIS PAIN...* MY LOVE... - WHAT?! I HATE MYSELF!! STAB ME!! NOW!! - YOU'RE ALWAYS THERE!! WHEN I'M HURT!! YOU'RE IN MY HEART
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I've come to the realisation that i actually do find romantic relationships perplexing
#I've been thinking abt this since my autism assessment#when the psychologist asked why do i think people form such relationships and why would people decide to live together#maybe it's bc i haven't been in a relationship before but how the hell do people come to this decision#besides wanting to spend more time together and saving on rent#ideally if i could afford it i would probably live by myself or with a friend#i can barely share a bed with someone let alone every night....#i think people were onto smth with the separate bedrooms#I've also kinda realised that i have had opportunities for relationships but i have very much avoided any advances#and seem to continue to do so#and i can't quite figure out what the reason for that is#it is smth in my subconscious just not letting me take any steps and i think it's bc I haven't figured out#what my personal boundaries are#or even my requirements in a partner#definitely not someone why would give away a pet who behaves badly#like the girl i went on a date with#tho that's better than keeping them and treating them badly#I've been thinking too much this weekend it's time for bed
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tempted to redesign Tae [ the oc/sona thang in my pinned post over on main ] again to have more piercings and maybe some tattoos and just use her as a gender goalpost LOL
#i USE to look like what tae currently looks like#but rn i have a mullet instead of the long sideburns#which i'm growing back out. autism wants link hair again !!#and otherwise i just want more body mods lol#i REALLY want a bridge piercing .. giving vio one in four hoes was entirely wish fulfillment on my end#same with giving shadow angel fangs#i want angel fangs soo bad but i'll have to talk to my piercer about if my lips would work for them bc not everyone CAN get them :[#i've also been debating on getting my left labret pierced bc i do only have the right side done#i also kinda wanna get a daith ?? i know there's like. no actual SCIENCE behind it helping headaches#but they look cool and if there's even a chance of it my chronic headache ass would love that lol#I ALSO ALSO WANT INDUSTRIAL BARS#as for tattoos its so hard to decide on what to get first ??#i rlly wanna get some eeveeloution tattoos. like an espeon and a glaceon to represent lu and i maybe .. but i'd have to talk to him first#i also need some kind of KIU tattoo that game genuinely saved my life it was such a light for me when I had started feeling suicidal
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#ready for the dumbest thing you will ever read okay here we go#tw ed discussion#sorta#anyway i've always been skinny and scrawny and so for my entire childhood and adolescence my eating habits were heavily scrutinized#by everyone around me because they were all convinced i had an eating disorder#and like most of my family are just skinny yk we are scrawny and lanky and it's just how we are#but i was so defensive about it bc not only was everyone SO suspicious of me all the time (never my equally skinny brother but w/e)#they treated me like i was doing something wrong and bad and should be punished it was very fucked up#so anyway now i'm an adult and i'm like oh maybe i do have kind of an unhealthy relationship with food#nothing related to weight at all just related in part probably to feeling shamed for my eating habits no matter what they were#and partly to money anxiety like i never want to eat all of something i'm always saving and hoarding bc i don't wanna have to buy more#but first and foremost i am stubborn and proud i am a taurus through and through#and i simply cannot admit to anyone but myself and my beloved tumblrinas that this is a problem for me#bc it means those motherfuckers were RIGHT. and i would rather DIE than admit they were right.#this is the same reason i refuse to inquire about an autism diagnosis that would mean admitting that my mother was right#and i simply can't have that
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