#and the close off until im alone and gave the full needed meltdown

[mrskurono]

About Atsumu and mommy kink: his brother kind of had an inkling about the nature of his relationship and at first he teased him about it even if he wasn't 100% sure about what was actually going on. He'd say things like "are you sure your mommy's going to be okay with that?" And "Aw, you're going to cry now? I'll call your mommy for you" just to get a reaction and Atsumu always laughed it off and pretended to find it funny.

Turns out, his brother teased him a little too much one day, the same day that he was feeling particularly little and he just really wanted his mommy, okay? So he gave a weak little laugh and as soon as he got home he just- he broke down crying, like full blown meltdown. Poor boy couldn't catch his breath and naturally his mommy was worried like never before because her baby was hurting and she didn't know what the hell was going on?

Atsumu cried himself to sleep. He tried to nurse but couldn't really do it right because he kept crying, so he just laid there with his mouth attached to his mommy's nipple and his stuffie clutched to his chest. As soon as he woke up he told his mommy what had happened and kept saying that maybe he should stop acting like "such a baby", kind of slurring his words because he ended up falling into his headspace really hard.

Mommy was fucking furious. How dare that boy make her baby feel self conscious? Not to mention that he made her baby cry like never before.

She decided that enough was enough. Went after Osamu and gave him the biggest lecture about boundaries and didn't he want his brother to be happy? At the end of it, Osamu was properly admonished and he felt so fucking guilty. Atsumu couldn't look his brother in the eyes for days until Osamu cornered him to apologize for being a dick.

I just- I didn’t know I needed crybaby!Atsumu and now my thoughts are consumed?? How could I not write this??

type: drabble

tags: angst if you squint, crybaby!Atsumu, mdlb (mommy dom/little boy), subspace, comfort, some boob touching, ironically not too smutty

character(s): Atsumu Miya (hq), Osamu Miya (hq)

“A-And th-then- he- he- hic! -he wou-wouldn’t stop!”

Your baby’s tears rolled down his cheeks like a never ending flood. Words slurred and normally big brown eyes red and blotchy. Atsumu wouldn’t even take any form of comfort from you in the slightest.

You’d offered your baby boy his stuffie. His favorite blanket. Even offering him breast. Atsumu had walked past the threshold today and utterly broken down. Nothing you could do was consoling him. Even when you tried to coax it out of him every word he spoke only ended with louder more distraught choking sobs.

This alarmed you to no end but you couldn’t do anything for him until he told you what was wrong. Atsumu, clinging to your chest, seemed to stop sobbing so hard when you simply played with his bleached curls and let him take a few breathes. So that’s what you did. Atsumu, still unable to really enjoy a good nurse, had his lips against your nipple. Sniffling and pressing his lips against your warm breast even if he didn’t latch. Open mouth soft cries as your fingers combed through his hair and you hushed him quietly.

Nothing too much. Cuddling your big baby to your bare breast and letting him sink into the skin to skin contact. One of his big hands on your breast that his cheek simply couldn’t occupy. Waiting for Atsumu to calm down and tell you what was wrong. You found that would have to wait because he fell asleep at your breast. Slack jawed and everything. You couldn’t even remove your nipple from his mouth if you tried. Sighing softly you snuggled him up close to you and let him sleep it off until he woke up.

Finally when he did wake up. Atsumu seemed a little more collected. Still his words came a little stuttered and slurred. Your baby boy was really upset. Justifiably so as you found out some of the things his twin had said to him when he stopped by for lunch. Osamu’s teasing palatable for Atsumu. But when he did it in front of the entire senior group of Jackals. It was too much for him.

Tears threatening your baby boy’s beautiful brown eyes once more. You cup his face and pepper it in kisses. Rewarding him with nothing but praise on how good a boy he was and how much he was loved. Atsumu came back down from the wind up he was working on. Leaning into your touch and your kisses. It wasn’t until you asked him if he wanted you to talk to Osamu did some sort of fix begin to happen. Atsumu didn’t want to admit it but sheepishly nodded to the idea of you going and talking to his twin. Leaving you to do exactly what you knew only you could do. Somethings only mommies could fix.

 You made the time to make a segway to Miya Onigiri during an off day. Well aware Osamu would be there. He of course had no qualms letting you in when he saw it was his twin’s other half knocking on the door.

“Yer not normally alone,” Osamu looked around like his brother would be in tow, “Where’s that baby huh?”

The look on your face clearly not amused.

Osamu laughed a little, “What, yer not really here to say ‘Tsumu was cryin ‘er somethin?”

“So it’s fine if I have to deal with the shit you say huh? Fun to leave me to deal with it?” You weren’t laughing.

Of course Osamu tried to play it off, “Wasn’t like I was serious or nothing-”

“It’s serious when I have to deal with it.”

“Yer not the one I meant-”

“Atsumu is shit is that what you wanna tell your brother? Might as well straight up tell him you hate him if you can’t be nice right?”

“’Tsumu knows I don’t-”

“Then maybe don’t harass him like that huh? Maybe don’t act like a total fucktard to the one person closest to you yeah?”

Osamu fell quiet. Look looked down at his shoes longer than he should have. Atsumu was one thing but he really didn’t like you being upset. If he could avoid that then he’d keep it up. Still your words were true and Osamu had to swallow that.

“Yeah, yer right...” Osamu nodded slowly, “Guess- I’ll say sorry ‘er something when I see ‘im next.”

“Thank you.” You offer Osamu a hug, “I just want my boys to play nice is all.”

Osamu laughed a little and hugged you back, “Y’know, ya practically sound like our mom ‘er something. No wonder ‘Tsumu likes ya.”

[dirt-grub]

Dan and or chris for the headcannon thingy?

OKAY ONCE MORE FROM THE TOP CAUSE TUMBLR ATE THE LAST ONE

ahem.

Headcanon A: what I think realistically

Dan had a shit childhood and shit parents, and isn’t dealing with any of the issues spawned by that, hence why his life is kind of a disaster and his functionality as an independent adult is uh. subpar. 

Having grown up together and witnessed some of it secondhand, Chris knows not to bring it up too much with Dan. They both have an unspoken agreement and understanding not to approach certain topics with each other. They’re very good at reading each other, so Chris knows exactly how much he can actually get away with prodding Dan to act like a people for once, and vice versa Dan knows when to actually drop an argument when it gets into a serious place. Its incredibly weird for Elise to watch, and as incredibly close she is with Chris they have a very close bond that’s difficult for her to understand with how far back it goes. Also, in the beginning of Chris and Elise’s relationship, despite very vocally objecting to the entire thing when Chris was around, Dan begrudgingly gave Elise advice on how to speak Chris essentially, telling her what to avoid and what to talk about with him. He phrased it in a condescending way but we all know he was being a softie because he knows Elise makes Chris happy :,)

(also bonus every single roadtrip with all three of them ends up like this)

Headcanon B: what I think is fucking hilarious 

Dan is always visibly covered in cat hair. Trust me I’ve had a black and white cat before and you just can’t win. Whatever color you wear SOME of the fur will ALWAYS show up on it. You can always tell where Dan has been you just follow the trail

Chris’ gap/chip/whatever in his front teeth were the result of some dare. Based on a story from my childhood where we all dared a kid on my bus to lick the frozen bus window, and the bus jerked and he smashed his face on it and lost a tooth. Luckily irl it was a baby tooth but like that seems like a very Chris thing to happen even tho im sure its actually just genetic (also Brian if youre out there im sorry i laughed at you when you lost your tooth and im also sorry i stole your holographic staraptor pokemon card. id still have it if it wasnt for that miserable little troll bastard down the street who then stole it from ME a few years later. poetic justice i guess)

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

*cracks knuckles* i was born for this

Dan’s never slept a full night in his entire adult life, and has terrible nightmares constantly. His hypervigilance directly comes from his awful childhood, and Chris is his one single source of stability where most well adjusted people would have an entire complex system of friends and family to rely on. Chris is his ‘safe’ person -which I think is primarily an anxiety term but oh boy trust me is it a post traumatic thing also- The two have fundamentally different outlooks on the world and relationships, so theirs is pretty complicated, with Chris not actually realizing that despite the poor treatment, Dan has him on a pedestal in his mind that no one else has ever been privy to before. He has a damn shitty way of showing affection, but its revealed through his constant dependency on Chris and Chris alone that he holds him in incredibly high regards and would likely be devastated into complete nonfunctionality without him around. 

Chris has some self esteem issues with this and how it relates to his perceived importance in the lives of his loved ones. With Elise as well, he feels overshadowed by her talent and dependability, not realizing he’s the rock keeping both her and Dan grounded and relatively happy. Elise however is way better at communicating how much she loves Chris and genuinely both needs and wants him around. Also, I believe that Dan’s insane plots are some sort of an appeal to Chris in an outdated way- when they were younger they used to make those crazy plans together, as evidenced by the camp episode and mentioned a few times in passing (there was some line that stuck out to me in the gym ep along the lines of lets do it like old times, come up with a plan together) in Dan’s disconnected mind, he’s still in the past where Elise was never a participant in their lives and Chris and him were still immature and carefree, just the two of them against the world. In a misguided way, he thinks he’s inviting Chris to something fun and nostalgic every time he drags him along for something insane, not realizing in cases like the camp episode they were in the right and forced to fight back against something, and that stretching small grievances into huge meltdowns is an issue, the opposite of what would appeal to Chris now in his adulthood. Part of him is worried about him and that old bond being left behind if he doesn’t keep that very specific set of circumstances going. 

that got too long and psychoanalyzey lets move on HKDAUSL

D: would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

TRANS TRANS TRANS T

this isnt as much a headcanon as an observation but dan has powerful new yorker energy (to me, the new yorker who never shuts up about new yorking). he just checks off a lot of the stereotypes and i wouldnt be surprised if the two of them had grown up around here instead of always living in cali like is canon. he checks all the boxes, rude, loud, opinionated, impatient, cant drive but complains about every other driver on the road, snobby in a weird despite living in a shithole apartment in a cesspool neighborhood, confrontational with complete strangers, colorful aggressive language, the whole thing. ive found personally that whenever im far enough out of state it is PAINFULLY obvious im from new york, given how im just naturally more aggressive in my speaking and mannerism completely unintentionally. Like, ive got a sailors mouth, i complain REAL hyperbolically, and until i noticed it it genuinley put people off who werent used to it HDUSALAS its just. the norm here. im not as angry as i sound lmfao i just talk real aggressive which is v dan

[comfortmarvelimagines]

when you can’t find the quiet part 6

im baaaaackkkkkk !!!! so so so sorry that this took so long. i can’t put into words the sheer amount of shit that’s happened to me in the past few months. hope this at least partially makes up for it (i know it can’t fully, and im sorry)]

tw for near meltdown, self injurious stimming and use of the r slur

Can you please do an autistic!reader where the decathlon team has an excursion to the tower and the avengers say hi to the reader and peter and co.? then flash gets jealous and does something mean,,, some angst resolved with fluff (preferably by mama nat), if not that’s okay

Most kids loved field trips. Even the boring ones. 

Regardless of where it was, a field trip was a break to the mundanity of school. There was increased opportunity for socialising, decreased work demands (no notes to be taken!), and most likely improved lunch options to what the cafeteria typically had to offer. Add on to that the fact that Stark Industries was arguably The Coolest Place on the Planet to the nerds of Midtown and you have a perfect storm of excitement. It seemed that the field trip was all everyone was talking about. Even Peter wouldn’t shut up about how cool it was, despite the fact that he practically lived at the tower. 

You came to the conclusion that you were the only kid in the decathlon team that absolutely did not want to go. 

Field trips were a change in routine. You didn’t know the exact schedule of when things were happening, or what exactly was going to happen. For all your google street-viewing, there was only so much you could find out about what the place would look like, what was inside, whereabouts your group would be visiting. You didn’t know what the buses there would be like, who you’d sit with, what teachers would be on your bus, how many kids would be in each tour group, what time you’d stop to eat lunch, whether the buses would leave on time when it was over. There were so many unpredictabilities, and no one ever seemed to be able to answer your questions. 

Logically, you figured that Stark Industries should be alright, as far as field trips go. You’ve been there before, you know Tony and Nat and Bucky; in theory, you should be okay. You’re okay when you go there after school, and on weekends with Peter. But going there at a different time, to a different part of the building and with more people (including Flash) made you just as anxious as you would be for any other excursion. Which is why you tried everything to get out of it. Started acting ‘sick’ days beforehand, isolating yourself, not talking to anyone, hoping that your absence would be considered a normality by the time the day of the trip rolled around. Only it didn’t work, and you opened the door to an overly bubbly trio of friends bright and early on Wednesday morning. 

“Hey Y/n, you excited for the trip?” Ned, unsurprisingly, was bouncing with excitement, topped off with a garishly conspicuous Stark Industries cap. Every inch the tourist. 

Every inch the opposite of how you were feeling. 

You stood in the doorway at a complete loss. You’d fully intended to stay cooped up in your room all day in your pyjamas, watching random shit on Youtube. The message to the group chat saying that you ‘weren’t feeling well’ was already half composed and ready to send. You’d played the part perfectly, casually mentioning symptoms of illness for days in preparation. But, somehow, you’d made friends with some of the most observant and persistent people you’d ever met. Which for the most part was great, but now it had you wishing the ground would open and swallow you whole. 

You didn’t resist much as MJ marched her way over the threshold and started pulling an outfit out of your wardrobe, ushering you into the bathroom to get changed. It wouldn’t have worked. All three of them seemed to know what you were planning on doing and were prepared. By the time you’d thrown on the clothes and haphazardly cleaned yourself up, Peter and Ned had sorted out your backpack with all of the things you used to help deal with the input of bustling New York; noise cancelling headphones, a fidget cube, a bumpy tangle, a squishy dinosaur toy. Seeing as no one would be carrying books or laptops on the excursion, you knew they’d all have smaller bags, but you had your normal sized one. The size and weight and familiarity was comforting. You hoisted it over your shoulders and trudged out the door, dread settled in the depths of your stomach, right hand tapping the side of your thigh. 

***

By the time you arrived at Midtown High and saw the charter bus pulling up outside, the tapping had increased to borderline punching. Ned went to grab your wrist to pull it away, but you turned. The ache in your thigh was the only thing keeping you from running, and you couldn’t explain why. Words weren’t working by that point. The bus ride didn’t improve much; even with headphones on, you could still feel the vibration of the engine running through your toes, resonating upwards, and even the highest noise cancelling setting wasn’t enough to drown out your excited teammates and their impatient chatter. Peter had made sure that the four of you got the bench seat at the back of the bus so that you could all sit together, but you were still mad that they’d made you go. Didn’t they get it? 

Things didn’t improve upon arrival. The staff member with you on the trip was a substitute, as Mr Harrington had other school commitments on the day, and you’d never met her before. A fact that became an issue when she made you take your headphones off when the tour guide turned up, and confiscated them when you were reluctant (despite your friends’ protestations and frantic attempts and explanation). The tour guide herself was nice enough- you’d seen her in the lobby a few times on your way in and out of the tower- but it wasn’t enough to balance out the chaos of the crowded public space. You made it no further than the elevator before pressing your hands over your ears. Hoodie over your head. Eyes half closed. It felt almost cruel that the sensory room, your safe space, was in the same building yet inaccessible. 

Unbeknownst to you, Nat was well aware of the fact that you and Peter were visiting. She’d waited for FRIDAY to announce your presence before heading to the floor she knew the tour would start on, planning to ‘casually’ greet you. She knew about the bullying. She knew about the harassment that Flash gave Peter over the legitimacy of the internship, the deplorable things he’d said to you. And she fully intended to scare the crap out of Flash in the hopes of getting him to leave her kids alone, god damn it. He was the first person she spotted from down the corridor. She knew he was a dick, but nothing could have prepared her for the sight of Flash live streaming. Phone outstretched, voice raised. 

God, the ego of this kid. 

Your group started moving forwards as she headed towards you. She didn’t say much. 

“Hey Pete, hey Y/n”

The look on Flash’s face was priceless. 

“Y-you know the retard and friends?”

Nat stared, waiting. 

“You mean Penis has a real internship?”

It felt like your guts were fighting to explode out of your body. You pressed your nails into the palms of your hands, in the crease beneath your knuckles. The bluntness of the nails did little to help. 

“That’s enough.” 

You willed your body to stay still, not stim not scream not run.

“Does this school’s policy tolerate that kind of language?”

“Uhh-”

“Yes or no?”

“I’m only a substitute, I’m not familiar with-”

You pressed the heels of your hands to your ears, fingers still curled. It wasn’t enough to make it quiet.

“Fine. Eugene?”

Don’t want to listen don’t want to listen. Don’t scream don’t stim stay still.

“Expect there to be consequences. I know about the bullying.” 

You turned and walked back down the hallway, retracing the way you came in. Your heels dug into the floor and you walked stiffly, awkwardly, elbows locked straight at your sides in attempt to keep yourself from reverting to punching your thighs. 

Nat followed. 

As she made her way past the group, she discreetly directed the tour guide to carry on. If you did reach the point of a meltdown, which she was hoping you wouldn’t for your sake, she didn’t want an audience. 

You were headed towards an R&D lab, full of SI employees, which wasn’t a particularly good option either. She noticed your hands bouncing, slapping your thighs, walking still stiff and jilted, the effort going suppressing everything evident down to the way you breathed. You heard footsteps behind you but didn’t realise they were Nat’s until she called out. 

“Y/n”

You skipped a step, but didn’t stop. You just wanted to be alone away from everyone away from the humiliation and the teasing and the bad words and the stupid jokes you just didn’t get but everyone else did. 

“Y/n, hun, just stop for me for a second.”

You did as you were told. Your body felt like it was on fire from the tension of being still. You didn’t want Nat thinking you were weird for biting your hand, so you gnawed on your lip instead, hands slightly flapping at your sides in little spinny motions. 

“Okay, good job. Do you think we can take a minute to do some breathing?”

You shook your head no. No. You wanted, needed to scream and stim and run not breathe.

“Okay, I should’ve phrased that better,” Nat looked around, seemingly lost, at the ceiling. It was barely a second’s slip of her calm composure. She lowered herself to the floor and sat cross legged.

“Can you sit down with me?”

You let your legs give out, half crashing into the carpet. 

“Can you give your hands a shake?” she shook her hands out in front, demonstrating. 

You copied. The shake felt good, so you started properly flapping. You weren’t sure when, but at some point all self consciousness fell away and you were rocking back and forth, legs out, tension melting. 

Eventually, most of the bad energy felt like it’d left your body, Your flaps turned to light taps on your knees and your rocking was much more relaxed. Now that your breathing had evened out, you were aware of how close you were to hyperventilating before. A wave of gratitude towards Nat washed over you. 

“Is it okay if I touch you?” Nat asked cautiously, hand already up halfway to rub your shoulder. You shook your head. It was hard to articulate, but touch right now would probably end in you hitting Nat involuntarily. Even your clothes weren’t feeling too great, like you were hyper aware of every contact point with your skin. You were glad she asked, even though your reaction most likely wouldn’t have hurt her no matter how violent on your part. The constant assumptions and invasions of your space on a daily basis, from everyone from kids at school to medical professionals, got to a point of making you feel almost less than human. That you weren’t worth the respect, triply so if you weren’t verbal. The entire field trip experience, although not all that enjoyable, had shown you a side of Nat you hadn’t seen before. A fiercely protective, quick-witted, almost motherly side. A side that let you know you had a safe landing. A side that gave you the courage to get up off the hallway floor and face the world again.

[jae-daddy]

Chubby (9)

Jaebum AU series

one / two / three / four / five / six / seven / eight / ten / eleven 

Pairing: Im Jaebum x Reader Genre: Romance, Drama, Mature Plot: you are getting bullied and jaebum decides to save you a/n: hi, hope i make it on time. this is so long, i don't know what i've done, but i love it. hehe. hope y’all like it.

You stared at the screen covered with green text bubbles as you sighed outside Jaebum’s apartment. Today, a rare Jaebum was standing in front of you, or more like wasn’t before you.

For the past couple of months, since Jaebum and you began this charade, Jaebum without fail made himself a part of your day. Whether it was rescuing you from the monsters at school or the ones that haunted you when you were alone in your room. He was there, sending a text, and brilliant smile making everything in the world okay for a moment.

You stared at your phone screen, your eyes flickering at the battery percentage out of habit. The full bar made your panic settle a bit, but the unanswered texts made your mind toss from side to side. It was the first time Jaebum went off the grid with you and you were scared.

“What if he had forgotten to feed Tuesday?” You nibbled your lower lip, as you tried to reason with yourself. You had messaged him that if he didn’t reply by seven you were going to check on Tuesday.

It was well past seven; a bit more than just past. It was eighty thirty, with no sign of Jaebum.

“This is just about Tuesday, this is all for him,” you told your hammering heart. There was no way the dark thoughts your mind whispered into your ear would be true.

In its place, you imagined Jaebum was probably on another one of his infamous retreats.

Maybe it was with some girl, and he was busy.

The thought tinged your heart but you ignored. Instead, you hid in the shelter of him being okay and safe. He was in perfect condition, just a bit busy in someone.

Your mind corrupted with images of Jaebum and a girl. His hand running down her body, his lips kissing her. You pictured a boy and girl lost in passion and love, and the scene made your skin crawl.

It's not jealousy, you scrawled as you shook the thoughts out and reached for the code pad.

“Tuesday?” You quietly sang as you stuck your head inside the dark apartment.

Even before you could fully enter the house, the horrid smell slammed against your chest. A familiar fear gripped your heart, as you took in Jaebum’s place. Everything was a mess; everything toppled over, not in their correct place.

The smell of rotting dishes assaulted your nose, but the more prominent smell of alcohol was the reason for the terror taking over your body. You had smelt alcohol before; enough of it to know what too much smells like.

The stench filled up the whole apartment, spreading itself through all the dark corners. You tried searching for Tee but he was nowhere, and that scared you more. You prayed Jaebum wasn’t here; you prayed he had left somewhere with his friend.

You prayed you wouldn’t find an unconscious Jaebum.

You didn’t want to see him lying in his vomit, his body stiff and a bottle idly laying by his side. You didn’t want the whispering snakes' poison to be true; you prayed it wasn’t as you took a step further.

The fear never let your heart ease for a second. It’s grip getting tighter and tighter until you weren’t sure if you would find Jaebum before you collapsed. However, this wasn’t the time to be weak; Jaebum needed you, and if not him, Tuesday.

For once, you took a step after another, despite everything in your body telling you to run before you find something of nightmares.

You tried to think of alcohol poisoning and wondered how long people had before it was too late. You wondered if cats waited for the body to rot before they started eating it.

Your feet halted as disgust at yourself rose all over your body.

“They’re okay,” you told yourself. “They’re fine; they’re just sleeping.”

You nodded, as you forcefully gulped before opening Jaebum’s bedroom door with one big swing. The door slammed against the wall, and your eyes shut tight.

You were terrified, you were scared.

You were scared to see Jaebum in any sort of harm. You were terrified of anything that the room could show. You were so so scared that your curse had wrapped itself around Jaebum, and now he would leave too.

You were scared; no matter how you said it or how many adjectives and synonyms you used to describe the horror grazing your body with its cold touch. The fact remained the same, you were so scared to loose Jaebum that you would rather die in this moment, then open your eyes to find him hurt.

The tears squeezed past your tightly shut eyes, and you felt the hot trails roll down your cheeks. You felt them pooling at your trembling chin, as your fists tightened.

Once again, you let the fear take rule of you. Once again you gave up, too scared to move or do anything.

You wondered how long you could stay here like this. How much longer could your heart beat as the grip of the ghost tightened its hold with every passing tick. You wondered if you could just walk backwards, your eyes still tightly shut and call someone for help.

You wondered and worried, and thought. You wished and prayed, and all of it seemed pointless because, in the end, it all came down to you.

And you were just too afraid.

“No, I can’t be!” You told yourself, sternly, as more tears rolled down your cheeks. They were hotter, fatter and faster; tears of anger, hope and courage. You had to be strong for him; he saved you so many times, you can take this small step.

“Three,” you breathed soft, yet firm.

“Two.”

“One.” Your eyes snapped open; eyebrows furrowed; heartbeat halted; body frozen.

And just like that everything dissolved.

You fell to the floor as a sob raked through your body.

He came down with you; his arms slowly circling around you as he hid you in his warmth.

Your hands clenched his shirt, before moving around his waist. It kept fidgeting; switching from place to place. You wanted to feel his heat enough to know he was okay and in front of you.

You wanted your heart and mind to be assured that he’s okay, and whatever those demons kept saying were lies. He’s okay, he’s here.

Your arms settled around his neck, as Jaebum pulled you onto him. Your body cradled against him, and your face hidden between his neck and shoulder.

The sobs wouldn’t stop, and they didn’t seem to for a long time. Jaebum stayed the same; holding you close. A hand on your back, another in your hair, telling you he is here, that it’s alright.

He doesn’t know why you were so afraid. He doesn’t know you thought you had lost him. He doesn’t know that just the thought alone made everything blur into nothing but pain and terror.

“It’s okay, y/n,” he whispered, sweet and soft. “I’ve got you.”

“No,” you choked, as your arms tightened around him. “I’ve got you.”

The cold wind of the winter night fluttered through the window, as light drowned the apartment once again. You hugged the blanket around you closer as you sniffled, a mixture of both the meltdown session that ended some minutes ago and the icy wind.

A cup appeared in front of you, steam rising from it gently. You quickly grabbed it, thanking Jaebum as he settled next to you on the floor.

He leaned against the couch and looked at you intently. You tried to avoid looking at him but failed while you tried to sneak a glance.

His wet hair, fresh from the shower was swept back, exposing his forehead. A white shirt stretching against his broad back, and his eyes so dark and enchanting. No matter how times you looked at Im Jaebum, each time you were struck by his beauty.

“I’m sorry I scared you,” he spoke softly, his eyes remaining on you. “Yesterday was pretty tough, so I had a few drinks. I woke up around six, and couldn’t sleep; I found some of my mother’s sleeping pills so I popped a few.”

Jaebum noticed the frown on your lips and instantly jumped to another apology.

“I’m sorry for taking pills while intoxicated, that was stupid and dumb of me. I will never do it again,” he stopped suddenly as if holding himself back from saying something. “It won’t happen again, y/n.”

“Jae,” you whispered, your voice failing to go any louder. “I care about you.”

I love you, you wanted to tell him.

“I know, I care about you too,” his voice held the same weight as you.

“I hope you know you can tell me anything. I might not be much help, but I can listen, I can lend you a shoulder, Jaebum.”

“How about a lap?” Jaebum asked, his lazy smile idly dancing on his lips. “Can I borrow your lap?”

You gulped in surprise, before nodding.

Jaebum slowly removed the blankets as he placed his cheeks against your sweatpants. You both remained silent for a moment. Your body unmoving, not sure what to do.

Jaebum curled into a ball, slowly, and on instinct, your hands found their way to his dark locks.

You felt Jaebum relax at your touch, as your fingers gently ran through his hair.

After a few seconds, you felt something hot and wet spread on your pants. A sniffle escaped Jaebum, and your heart hurt.

Your other hand landed on his upper arm; a gentle rhythm pulsing against him.

“Yesterday, I went to see my mum,” Jaebum said, his voice broken and shaking. “She couldn’t remember me. She didn’t know who I was.”

“Jaebum,” you breathed softly.

Jaebum turned so he was on his back. He held your hand to his chest, finding comfort in the heat it gave. His eyes were closed, but his tears continued to fall down the sides of his cheek.

“Everything changed after her, y/n,” Jaebum told you, his eyes opening to meet yours. “Everything fell apart; I wish she was here.”

You didn’t know who Jaebum was talking about, but you could understand the pain in his eyes. Tears filled your own eyes, as you saw ghosts similar to yours shine in Jaebum’s. You wanted to protect him, you wanted to save him from them.

A tear fell from your cheeks and splattered on his cheek, making you quickly wipe the rest away.

“But, y/n, I am so glad I found you,” he whispered, softly, as if telling you his most intimate secret. “I am so happy you are here with me right now.”

Jaebum got up from your lap and sat in front of you. Your eyes never leaving one another, as so much, nothing at all and everything, passed between you.

“I am so happy to be with you,” Jaebum whispered, as he took your face in his hands. His thumbs wiping away your tears. “You make me so happy, y/n.”

You stared at the boy in front of you.

It was Im Jaebum, with his dark hair slick back, making him look just as dangerous as the rumours in school maintained. He looked every bit of rough, tough and bad as people whispered him to be. He seemed all of that because it was true, it was all him.

“Do you know,” you started, your voice soft and quiet, as you set a strand of his hair into place. New tears prickled your eyes as your heart expanded beyond your chest. “everyone is scared of you?”

Jaebum stilled for a moment, his eyes glazing over as they searched yours.

“Are you?” He asked, so quiet you would’ve missed it if you weren’t watching him.

You shook your head, as you bit your lip feeling overwhelmed.

Even though Jaebum was the troublemaker everyone feared. Even if he had the power to tear apart anyone in his way, you found yourself leaning into him. Even if he scared everyone, he drew you in with his warmth.

You stood so close to him that you saw the fire that blazed around him. Now that you were so close to the flame everyone feared, you saw it was nothing. It was nothing but a boy; lost and alone. A boy exploding with so warmth that his body could no longer contain it.

He flowed with softness and affection, and you couldn’t think of anything else but throwing yourself into him.

Like a moth drawn to the flame, you were falling into Jaebum and there was no stopping you.

You leaned in closer to Jaebum to see the gold flakes that resided in those dark eyes. Your eyes darted to his lips, and your heart leapt in your chest.

“You make me feel safe, Jaebum,” you breathed, a small smile breaking your lips. “You make me so happy too.”

And just like that, his lips crashed into yours. His lips were soft, gentle; just like the rest of him. His warmth seeping into you, his sweetness running through your veins. Im Jaebum taking over your mind.

not edited

[pingponggal]

angst prompt: 84

Sorry this took so long! It’s not really a Valentines prompt like the other two but that’s okay because I’m posting it after Valentines Day, lmao. It’s Heathers 2010 JDonica! Also; in this situation, Veronica never told JD about Becca.

84. “Whatright did you have keeping it from me?”

Veronica stared down at the photos of Becca in her hands.There were more sitting on the table next to her. Photo albums, singlepolaroid’s, yearbook photos. Anything that she could find. She knew it wouldnever be enough to make up for what had happened.

She slowly returned her gaze to JD as she placed thepictures she was holding back on the table. She had never thought she wouldhave to have this conversation with him. Sure, she had gone through how itwould go in her head more times then she could count, but she never thoughtthat the conversation would happen.

“She’s yours,” She said quietly, though she was sure just byglancing at a photo or two, JD would realize this. She looked just like him.The array of freckles, her dark, almost black hair. Jesus, her attitude alonewas enough of an indication that Jason Dean was her father.

JD stared down at her in silence. His expression appeared tobe completely devoid of emotion.  Itscared her, and she honestly had no idea how he was going to react. Yes, shehad thought this over to herself again and again, but she wouldn’t really knowhow he would react until well… now.

“What right did you have keeping it from me?” His voice was rough,straight forward, but it didn’t reach his eyes. They were full of hurt,confusion, and loss.

“I was trying to protect my daughter, Jason. You’re not thekind of father figure that she needs in her life.”

“But-Jesus Christ, you could have called me! Sent a letter!Something! Not only did you not do that until yesterday, you didn’t tell meabout my own fucking daughter!”

She ran a hand through her hair, letting out a heavy sigh.“You can’t make me out to be the bad guy in this situation! I was doing what Ineeded to protect my family!”

“Okay, then explain exactly why you didn’t tell me. Because I thought that I was better now.”

“You-“

“Yes, I know I make money by doing illegal shit. But it’snot like I’m killing people! Hell, I’m doing more good for the world thenanything!” Most of JD’s jobs involved ripping off rich assholes in some way.

“Which is exactly what you said about Westerburg!” Sheglared at him, letting out a huff. “I didn’t want her growing up around someonelike you! I still don’t!” It was harsh. The words sounded cold even to her. Andhonestly, she wasn’t even sure that this completely explained how she felt onthe matter. But she didn’t know how else to explain it.

“She’s sixteen, Veronica. That’s sixteen years of my lifethat I could have spent being her father. And I-I didn’t even know that sheexisted until today. Do you know how that feels?”

“No,” She answered honestly, her voice quiet. “I… maybeyou’re right. I shouldn’t have kept her from you. But, I was scared JD. I wasalone, pregnant in college. You were out putting your life in constant dangerand that-I knew that wasn’t the life I wanted for her.” She closed her eyes asshe ran a hand through her hair. “I’m sorry.” She eventually said after a fewmoments of silence.

He didn’t say anything. Silence filled the room until JDpulled out one of the chairs at the kitchen table and sat down. He looked a bitoverwhelmed at first by the array of pictures, but he eventually grabbed aphoto album and began to flip through the pages.

Though Veronica couldn’t see the pictures in the book fromwhere she was standing, she watched as JD looked through them, his apatheticexpression slowly faded. A faint smile took over, his eyes brimming with tears.

Veronica felt herself smile a bit and pulled up a chair nextto him. “She used to take that thing with her everywhere. She’d have a completemeltdown whenever I would try to take it away from her.”

The corners of his mouth lifted as he looked down at apicture of a three year old Becca hugging a stuffed rabbit tightly, a shy smileon her face as she stared at the camera.

“I have it up in the attic somewhere,” She had a small grinon her face as she spoke. “God, I can’t imagine how embarrassed she’d be if Ibrought it out.”

He laughed a bit, running a hand through his hair. “I canimagine,” He muttered. “Any kid probably would be.” He flipped through a fewmore pages, taking in each photograph as he tried to learn as much about Beccaand her life as he possibly could. He eventually found a photo of Beccastanding in front of a school. She was probably about five or six years old,holding a lunchbox in her hands as she gave the camera a shy grin.

He felt tears fall from his eyes.

Veronica watched him with a frown, concern obvious on herface as she reached out a hand towards him. “JD..?”

“I just-Jesus, Veronica, do you really think this is thelife that I wanted for myself? Alone because there was no other option? Pickingup whatever fucking jobs I can just so that I have a somewhat decent place tolive? Look, I’m not saying that I’m a good person, far from it, but…” He let outa shaky breath, closing his eyes tightly as he shook his head. “Sixteen years Icould have spent being Becca’s father. Getting to be the good dad that I neverhad. Just… being there for her and loving her. But instead I’m just a fuckingstranger. And even if you tell her about me now, it’s always going to stay thatway on some level. She didn’t get to grow up with me, and now she’ll never getto.”

“JD,” She spoke softly, cupping his cheek gently in her handas she forced him to make eye contact with her. “You’re here now. And I’m goingto make sure that she knows that. And the last thing that I want you to do isblame yourself for this. It’s not your fault. It-it’s mine.”

He nodded slowly as he listened to Veronica speak, his gazeunwavering. When she finished talking, he didn’t respond with words, insteadwrapping his arms tightly around her.

Veronica was surprised at first, but she didn’t hesitate beforewrapping him in a warm embrace, rubbing his back gently.

JD wouldn’t admit it, but he was grateful for this. Hewanted to be comforted, but he usually wasn’t one to ask for it. “Thank you,”He whispered.

Veronica smiled faintly, closing her eyes as she held himclose. “You’re welcome.”