#so maybe he was just enforcing that I shouldn’t be so negative? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

themelancholyhill · 2 years ago

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I see our negative thinking like parasites or viruses sometimes. They are so intent on winning that they forget if they win, they lose. I am glad to hear that this guy texted you and explained himself, it’s a definite green flag all the way! I hope you get to keep this connection for as long as it serves you. See? He backed off a bit (not “stopped talking to you”) because he needed some time and space to figure out why he felt he needed that distance. I do this all the time, with the hopes that the other person doesn’t take it personally. I think needing space and distance from someone is completely normal and healthy. It’s part of enforcing boundaries and boundaries are especially important if you want to maintain the integrity of a relationship. Someone enforcing their boundaries around you doesn’t mean they love you less, it actually means they love you a lot and that they want this connection to last. Love is not the only thing a relationship needs to thrive. You can love someone the deepest you have ever loved and it can still not work out. Most of the time, it’s due to boundaries not being properly enforced. If a person gets pissed off about you enforcing your boundaries, then that person isn’t supposed to be a permanent figure in your life. No one is worth us betraying ourselves for.

Another point I wanted to make is that, there are times my friends make bad jokes, and there are times i say things that are off-putting (I really do do this, it’s not just me being self-critical) but i don’t want to cut that friend off completely just because they said something i don’t agree with. These connections mean more to me than some words someone says on an off day. Even if we have conflicting views on things, it still doesn’t matter to me, unless that person gets preachy and disrespectful. And conversely, i’d feel terrible if a friend cut me off from their life from something i said flippantly one day, but i’d respect their wishes and let them go, i don’t want to have to tip toe around someone all the time. If they can’t forgive even the slightest transgression, it’s a sign that maybe we were never meant to be friends long term. So far, the only time i’ve consciously made a decision to cut someone out of my life was because my biggest boundaries were disrespected after repeatedly advocating for myself. This is a friend i loved and had to let go. I know my decision hurt her but without boundaries, the friendship isn’t in a good place to last long.

Any relationship, whether it’s platonic, familial, romantic, sexual, are going to be met with ruptures. That’s just how it goes when you want to connect with other humans, you’re bound to have friction in all interpersonal relationships. The friction doesn’t matter, what matters is the repair after the rupture. A lot of people think fighting is bad in a relationship, I disagree. From my recent experience, having a rupture and repairing that rupture actually brought me and the other person closer together than before. It strengthened our relationship exponentially. It’s made me realize just how much i mean to this other person, and them me. So him explaining himself to you so candidly after respecting his own boundaries of needing to take some time away from you to understand why his intuition told him he needed space, is once again, just a big ass green flag waving proudly in the wind! I hope that as you continue your connection with him, you’ll come to be more gentle with yourself and not blame yourself for every reaction he has towards you. That kind of thinking verges on emotional manipulation. You can’t control how he reacts to you, you can’t and you shouldn’t, he’s entitled to his opinions. This is loving unconditionally, to love someone without expectations or reward.

As for summer, i have no plans. I’m very boring when it comes to that. My daughter will be out of school and i’ll be working, same goes for my husband. Taking trips sound nice in theory but i’m too lazy to plan anything on this short notice and i have quite a lot of work to do on myself internally. But if i’m daydreaming, i’d love a trip to the UK. I wouldn’t spend too much time in London though, i’d want to see the countryside, the cliffs of Dover, Scotland, Ireland and Wales, all that. I’d mostly visit museums and art galleries, pubs to people watch, maybe go to a live theatre show, talk to the locals and enjoy making connections that are meant to be temporary but no less significant.

You? What are you doing for summer? I recently watched a French film called “Night of the 12th” (“La Nuit du 12”) in my city and i was so enthralled afterwards that i almost got a ticket for my expired parking space but i didn’t, haha! It premiered in Europe last year but it only made its way here in North America now. This film is on my mind a lot, i can’t stop thinking about it. I love it when art does that! I highly recommend it if you have the time and interest.

I hope your day is as gentle with you as your finger on a flower’s petal.

V✖️

Here’s to the hopes that we’ll be able to tame our overthinking tendencies. Being less confrontational by taking a step back to regain composure is important to do and understand. Setting boundaries is like following a guideline that helps preserving any given relationship and it’s also used to test if the latter will last or is worth investing time and effort in. I read somewhere that disagreeing with someone contributes to the relationship; as a people’s pleaser myself, I’m working on this.

Besides, how chaotic and toxic would a friendship (or any relationship) be if it had no boundaries whatsoever? It’d be like an endless cycle of forgiving and forgetting. To me (someone who’s never been in a relationship, except for family or friends), I see fighting as a contributing factor as long as those who are concerned learn from their mistakes. I don’t know, it creates a safe space for everyone, like, no matter what happens, there’ll always be a sense of security and comfort with that person (people) despite inconveniences.

Our emotions get the best of us at the start of any relationship because we base our judgement on other people’s experiences before getting to know the person we’re dealing with; but that’s just how I see it.

Your plans for the summer are absolutely lovely; as a hopeless romantic, I approve wholeheartedly. I don’t have a clear plan either, mostly staying at home and chilling. I will spend my days reading, watching movies, maybe painting and writing. Next year, I’m majoring in literature and history and for now I’ll essentially relax and consume different media since I don’t I’ll get to do that once I uni starts.

The movie you mentioned sounds intriguing and I’ll add it to my watch list. I’ve been getting into watching silent movies since last year, and the recent one I watched that amazed me is: Faust (1926). It’s based on the Goethe version, but what’s impressive about it is the cinematography.

I’ve just watched Incendies (Fires) which was released in 2010. It’s the story of twins from Canada who travel to Palestine to uncover their family history and fulfill their mother’s wishes. The plot keeps you engaged the whole time and the plot twists are just amazing. It’s like a puzzle but it doesn’t feel like one and the way everything is resolved in the end is so satisfactory. It also touches on sensitive topics but without being exploitative, which I appreciate a lot.

“I hope your day is as gentle with you as your finger on a flower’s petal.” How can I possibly top this one off??!! But I truly hope that your day has been as gentle and thoughtful as your words.

#asks #friendship #V✖

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ddarker-dreams · 4 years ago

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Yandere Behavior: Dabi

→ Yandere MBTI type: CAHL. (Cruel, Aware, Honest, Lenient).

Dabi is a yandere that doesn’t see the point in beating around the bush. He takes a far more direct approach once you manage to secure his interest, though he does tend to do his own fair share of stalking. The information he gets on you from stalking is more of a byproduct than his actual goal, which is to watch you purely for fun. Has a massive amount of knowledge on your schedule from the hours spent tailing you. Doesn’t mind slipping this knowledge into when you’re talking, asking how meeting with a friend went when you both know he shouldn’t have that knowledge. Stopped trying to hide it a long time ago.

He doesn’t mince his words when speaking to others, this also applies to when he speaks with you. The cruel category fits him slightly more because of this. While there is a special fondness reserved only for you in his heart, it’s all the more reason to tease and see how much you can handle. He wants to see everything -- from your frustration to your cute tear-stricken cheeks -- knowing it was him that garnered such a reaction. It’s a pride thing.

Unlike delusional yanderes, he’s in touch with the reality of his actions. Dabi knows you must resent him. That you even have good reason to. It’s not enough to drive him away to be aware of this, he’ll continue his quest of plaguing your life, having no intention of letting you slip away. It feels nice knowing that he’s important to you, even if it’s for negative reasons; this role is reserved solely for himself. This little cat and mouse dynamic is addicting.

While manipulation isn’t an area that he’s incompotent in, he just doesn’t see the point to it most of the time. It’s far more intriguing to see how you’ll handle his true intentions on display. Dabi still might nudge you in the direction he wants, he takes a somewhat more hands off approach. Watching you scramble to get around the casual threats he puts out on those close to you is endearing. What will you come up with? How much more can you handle? This prospect of the unknown is exciting to him.

He could resort to kidnapping, and might end up doing it eventually, but normally lets you run around living your own life. Or at least you’re under the impression it’s your life. Paying you a nightly visit and then watching from afar as you try oh so hard to continue on a normal schedule is adorable to him. You never fail to entertain him. Should he feel you’re neglecting to pay attention to him, he’ll send you a picture of yourself from afar for good measure. Just a little reminder that you’re never alone like you hope you are.

This perfect little fantasy he’s created can be imposed upon by others. Undesirable people that soak up too much of your time for Dabi’s liking are treasured as pests, and he’d never acknowledge this should you mention it to him. He just shrugs, saying something among the lines of, “Who knows? Maybe you’re just cursed, dollface.” No one is capable of antagonizing you as well as he does. Dabi boasts that it’s a natural born talent of his.

There’s also this suspense factor of not knowing when exactly he’s going to show up in your life again. Sometimes you can’t go an hour without multiple unknown numbers texting you, and on the flip side of that, sometimes he “disappears” into thin air for weeks. Only to rear his face again when you’ve grown complacent, tearing away the hope of living a regular life again. Dabi wants you to never stop thinking about him. What he’s doing, what he might do, when he’s going to show up in your life next.

When he promised there was no getting rid of him, he meant it. How Dabi deals with things depends solely on you. Should you try and contact law enforcement or heroes, he’ll give you an ominous warning about what could possibly happen to those you care for. If you keep ignoring him, he’ll do something similar, slinging an arm around your shoulder and pulling you close. There’s no winning.

He leaves tiny gifts around your residence. It serves a few purposes in his mind. One, that you really are his favorite to have earned all this attention. Two, that he’s capable of bypassing any security measures you try to put up. And finally, the added bonus of you always having him in mind, whenever you stumble across one of his “gifts”. They actually tend to be stuff you like. A game you wanted, a new pair of shoes. Or they can be lascivious in nature. Lingerie, obscene notes, short skirts. It depends on his mood that day.

Quotes.

“Surprise. I heard you got a raise at work, how wonderful is that. I hope you don’t mind me letting myself in... I just thought you’d might want to celebrate. Ah. Put your phone down before this gets ugly, won’t you? I’m here purely on innocent intentions.”

“Aw, what’s with the look doll? Did you think you got rid of me or something? Ah, how cute is that. Sorry to disappoint. I had some business to do elsewhere, but don’t you worry your pretty little head, I didn’t forget about you. I sure hope you didn’t forget about me either.”

“Hm... I can’t say I know what happened to him. Maybe he tripped and hit his head? Hey, I am being serious here. What does it matter anyways. Guy was a loser, move on already. Seeing you mope for this long is starting to bother me.”

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tuber-culosis · 4 years ago

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I've been reading through a lot of radfem blogs and posts lately. and gotta say, i'm leaning a lot towards radical feminism. And im definitely gender critical.

but one topic I want to talk about in particular is the criticism of Islam.

Which I feel is totally valid considering the current state of mainstream islam and Muslims.

Mainstream Islam (is what you see on all social media, seemingly practised by a lot of Muslims) IS sexist. And homophobic. There's no use denying it, neither do I think I'm a bad Muslim for not supposedly defending my own religion. You have to recognise the flaws in your own system to improve and progress.

Then arises the question why am I still Muslim then/ why do I still practise Islam? If I recognise the way it is practised is sexist and homophobic, which are things I'm against?

The difference lies in my belief that "mainstream Islam" is much different from the root of Islam.

Many (read: a LOT, not all) modern Muslims have been influenced by ultra conservative movements that want to return Islam to the way they believe was practised during the time of the Prophet (pbuh), ie; some centuries back. This is propagated by the ideas of Salafism and Wahhabism that frankly, prevent progress, reform or any sort of growth in Muslim communities.

I personally have witnessed this in my own country, India, where women are increasingly wearing the hijab and even full body covering purdahs, not talking to the opposite gender, men not looking a woman other than their wives in the eye, etc compared to when my mother was a child, when almost all Muslim women dressed in normal comfortable clothes and there were no much gender segregations. (Gender segregation still existed to a certain degree due to conservative Indian culture ofc)

This radicalisation led to the development of ultra conservative Muslims who enforce sexist, homophobic and separatist policies in the name of God.

They claim to want to return to "true Islam" but they add so many unnecessary rules and regulations you have to follow in order to be a "true Muslim" that are almost so impossible to follow I can vouch I have unconciously broken like 50 of them in one day maybe. These "laws" are derived from:

1. The hadith

2. Arab culture

3. Poor translation of the Quran to fit these radical ideals.

Explaining each of these in a little more detail,

1. A lot of practising Muslims might come at me for this one, but I feel that considering the hadith to be a holy source of guidance and believing everything in the Hadith when there are so many contradictions and logical fallacies, is foolish.

For those who have no clue what the hadith is, Islam basically has the Qur'an, which is, as we believe, a holy book revealed by God to the Prophet (pbuh), which acts as divine guidance on how to live life as a good person. It has rules, suggestions, and guidance to take desicions on a lot of everyday matters we face. It was a godsend (hehe pun fully intended) to women, who weren't even allowed to own property back then. Muslims believe that the Quran is guaranteed againt corruption by God, as revealed in one of the verses. Therefore, to a believer, it is THE book to consult, and the verses will never change, no matter how many years pass. There's actually a really interesting way the Quran is coded, so people can know if it has been tampered with or not, if anyone is interested. But the bottom line is, for a Muslim, the verses of Quran cannot be challenged. There are various INTERPRETATIONS of said verses, but the core Arabic text is the same.

Now there is a secondary source of guidance in the form of Hadith, which is literature that claims to record things the Prophet (pbuh) has said in his lifetime. The problem I find, along with other hadith critics, is that it was compiled much later after the death of the Prophet. Muslims argue that these hadiths were passed down in a proper recorded chain of transmitters that can assure the message hasn't been altered or tampered with. The problem is, that the standard used then was just how reliable was a person's memory and how trustworthy they were, and they did not actually judge the actual content of the hadith. So even if a hadith hypothetically said "Kill all the disbelievers", (which, fyi, it does NOT) and it had a reliable chain of recorders, it would be accepted as "sahih" (trustworthy) hadith, even though it clearly goes against the guidelines of the Quran, where it says there shall be no compulsion in religion (which implies you cannot just murder anyone who refuses to believe/ believes another religion). If one actually examined the content of this imaginary hadith, it would be easy to see it's tampered with by people with or without malicious intent (for eg, it might've actually been "You can kill the disbelievers ONLY if they attack you and will not leave you and your family alone") or some may not even remotely be the words of the Prophet, as he only followed the Quran.

Also, the integrity of the Hadith isn't guaranteed by God anywhere in the Quran. To know more about this, I suggest you read this link , and this one.

So yeah, I take hadith with a (large) grain of salt. So I will not be including them in my discussion obviously.

Now a lot of these hadith have been fabricated, as established, or reflect something that was applicable specifically in that time and setting, seeing that the Prophet was an ordinary man who couldn't predict the future or know about all the different cultures of the world.

So even if the headscarf was a part of Arabian attire, that doesn't mean it has to be assimilated into our cultures now. Just because prostitutes used to pluck all their eyebrows out to signify that they are prostitutes (sex work is forbidden in Islam, because of the negative impact on women and society), doesn't mean that women are not allowed to pluck their eyebrows now.

Following these hadith blindly without considering for a moment that hey, these might be outdated, seeing it isn't meant for all time periods like the Quran, and half of these contradict themselves, maybe we shouldn't consider this as an authority on rules in Islam. Personally, I don't believe anything is forbidden that is mentioned as such solely in the Hadith, and not in the Quran.

But the staunch belief in all of these Hadith leads to micromanaging of women, and literally everyone else. Few ridiculous examples include:

women can't pluck their eyebrows

men can't wear silk or gold, and they need to grow beards

music and dance is forbidden (seriously???)

the Prophet married a literal child of nine years (no do not try to justify it as "it was acceptable back then". According to the Qur'an it wasn't. Girls had to be mature enough to reject or agree to marriages and literal children can't do that. There is plenty of research to prove that Aisha (ra), his wife, was at the very least 19 or 20. Again a case of unreliable and maybe purposefully manipulated Hadith. Scholars and people who uphold the theory that Aisha was 9, and hence, child marriage is legal are pedophiles through and through)

I feel that if anything, hadith should be considered with the authority of historical commentary, giving us more context to the times, and should never be blindly trusted just because a lot of scholars say it is a "sahih" (trusted) hadith.

Also a main feature of Islam is that you don't need an extra priest (no offence to religions who have priests) or a scholar to tell you things and intervene with God for you. You have a holy book, your own common sense and humanity, and you pray to establish a connection with God. Scholars are secondary OPINIONS who can provide insight from their knowledge and research to people who want it, but by no means any authority on things, just like hadith.

2. Arab culture and society, especially back the times that radicals want to emulate, was heavily patriarchal. Islam gave women rights and protection, but they were still limited by the cultural norms of that era.

What these people actually want is to return society to Arabic culture in that time period. (Exhibit A: the abaya/purdah for women and khandoorah for men. exhibit B: sex-segregated spaces)

Back then, women were expected to be caretakers and mothers, and men were expected to be the strong masculine protector.

Enforcing said cultural norms into modern day Islam is ridiculous. Saying that women rarely left the house back then, hence women shouldn't leave their houses now is the same as saying there weren't phones back then, so I shouldn't use one now. Would you ever give up your phones? So how about we do the same to women's autonomy and freedom? Adapt to modern times like regular humans?

If women were meant to stay at home, and meant to just rear children, and never meant to be seen in public, and never meant to be seen by the opposite sex, as extremists say "is God's will", then why is none of this found in the Quran? Do you seriously believe that God, describe multiple times as All-forgiving and generous and kind, would ever persecute women to such a fate? If you do believe that, then maybe you need to re-examine in the nature of God that you believe in. Also if you tell me the "it's for their safety" gimmick, I will flip out. It has been proved multiple times that a woman's dressing has nothing whatsoever to do with why men rape.

Sure, Islam advocates for modesty in dressing, for both sexes. Both are called to not stare rudely (many Muslim men seem to forget that part of the verse, strangely), both are advised to dress in modest, comfortable, clean and practical attire. Never once is anything remotely like "YOU'LL GO TO HELL IF YOU EXPOSE YOUR ELBOW, WOMAN". But the way modern Muslims enforce the dress code (some even going to the lengths of saying women shouldn't wear BRIGHT COLOURED CLOTHES, so as to not attract attention!!! I'm looking at you, Mufti Menk), you'd think that God says something much worse than that. Infact God pulls out Uno reverse, and encourages us to dress as beautifully as we want, especially when visiting the mosque.

3. A lot of English translations of the Quran come from Saudi Arabia. A country famous for its conservative practise of Islam. While the original Arabic text cannot be changed, a lot of these translations include information in parantheses that add "rules" based on the above mentioned factors, that a casual reader or a new Muslim who doesn't know Arabic will consider to be authentic rules of the Quran, extrapolated from the verse, and not extra additions that are often derived from hadith. A very good example of this is the headcover verse, which you can see in this link.

Even all the hostility surrounding homosexual people has been derived from cultural influences and one set of verses. From around 6000 verses, just a single set passingly mention homosexuality. Don't you think that if it truly were such a great sin, God would have explicitly forbidden it? Also why would he create such a natural variation in sexuality and then forbid it? Why isn't it forbidden for animals then? Is all-loving God that cruel to create this natural and healthy attraction in them and then explicitly forbid it when straight people get to marry and live life in bliss? (Please don't say that "God also created pedophilia, and that's natural, so by this logic shouldn't we allow that too?" because pedophilia IS NOT HEALTHY, AT ALL. IT'S IS A DISORDER. Unlike homosexuality) I'm also not picking and choosing things to fit my lifestyle, as some might say, as I am straight, and the only reason I support the LGBT community because I have basic humanity?? And they're humans who deserve rights and joy and freedom and acceptance just like the rest of us.

There have been reformed translations of Quran which examine the verse without prior bias against LGBT people, and they have presented an alternate translation, that the verse condemns sexual assault, which happened to be homosexual in the particular story. Check out this link too, which explains how closely examining the words used could change the meaning from one thing to another.

What I attempted to prove in this extremely long post is that the practise of a religion isn't necessarily the reflection of its true nature.

There are progressive open-minded people who believe in Islam because it gives them hope and solace. People who believe because core beliefs of Islam aligned with their own views and simple logic.

NOT to say there aren't religious bigots who will totally use religion to manipulate people into oppressing themselves or other people. There are, there are a LOT of people like that who call themselves "scholars". And there are a lot of people who follow these extremely harmful regressive version of Islam without critically thinking about what they are following.

I've seen a post discussing the meaning of the word Islam, which means submission to God. It said that it implies total submission, without questioning what we believe.

That is an argument used by both religious extremists to further their beliefs, and by the opposite side, who say the religion is oppressive.

I wish to present a view that Islam itself tells us to think critically, to use our brains to question everything and anything we believe. And then to arrive at our own conclusions. And if you're a decent, kind human, those beliefs maybe align with Islam (not saying that if you're not Muslim, you're horrible, that is not what I meant at all). And if the opinion between people differs, there's always logic and reasoning behind every rule that is presented in the Quran. Don't believe me? Here's the verse that tells people not to blindly follow their parents' religion. And here's a list of verses about critical thinking.

The reason we (atleast reformist Muslims) submit to God is because we questioned it, we came to the conclusion that Hey! This is right. I can submit to my Creator by, who is basically the consciousness that created everything and is the source of all goodness, love and strength, because the rules mentioned here make sense and they privde a moral framework for me to base important desicions on. They feel right. And there is logic behind everything written in this.

I don't mean to present Islam as an all-perfect amazing religion everyone should believe and that I'm right, everyone else, especially those liberal atheists who criticise my religion are wrong and WILL BURN IN HELL. I consider Islam a perfect moral framework, and that's my business only. Anyone can follow what they want and it's none of my business. In fact there is no compulsion in religion at all, and people who say Muslim or go to hell are wrong imo.

What I intended was to paint a picture of reformist Muslims who are still out there, who follow the religion because they questioned it. And not the religion as this stringent rule book we all have to follow down to a t, micromanaging every aspect of our lives and living in perpetual fear of hell, but rather this basic moral guide that teaches us tact, compassion and justice, to bring us closer to God spiritually. I wanted to show that the majority isn't always reflective of what I think is the true core of Islam.

I feel that many practises in the name of Islam are highly questionable and should be criticized, but I also want people to know that the people who seemingly represent the religion, are not representative of the entire mass of believers. That sometimes the practises you might criticize might have nothing to do with the actual religion, atleast according to some of us. It was also for fellow Muslims who might be in the same place I was a few years ago, questioning everything I had learnt was part of my religion.

This is also NOT to undermine struggles of people forced to follow Islam and its seeming requirements like hijab. This is not to claim that nope, every Muslim is fine and ok, and we're all peaceful progressive people. In fact I wish to do the exact opposite, to show that people who enforce oppressive policies in the name of Islam aren't actually backed by the religion and neither should they be backed by other Muslims. I'm also not trying to say no one should criticize Islam. Criticism helps us grow. Criticism is necessary to uncover oppression and eradicate it. So by all means, criticize.

I'm so glad I found the subreddit r/progressive_Islam when I did because it helped me a lot, and opened me to other like-minded progressive Muslims, who actively hope to counter the negative effects of Salafism and conservatism that is overtaking Islam.

So yeah, I think I covered almost everything I wanted to talk about and here's a final link that pretty much just states my position on things.

PS idk why this thingy is in different colours it just seemed cooler and less boring to read

#religion #islamicpost #radfem #gender critical #muslim #progressive #change #critical thinking #sexism #feminism #feminist #allies #humanity #extremism #womenempowerment #freewomen #headcovering #mine

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theseerasures · 4 years ago

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For the meta thing, how about big sisters with absent mothers: Winter and Yang? Like, how they dealt with things differently and what a friendship between them would look like

anon i just want you to know that as soon as received this ask i barged into my girlfriend’s room to be like “is this you???” because this ask is so EXQUISITELY tailored to my personal interests that i was like “literally who else would cater to me like this” and it was not her, apparently!!! so thank you very much for this ask.

of course i have SO MANY thoughts about this topic that it took me a complete month to marshal them into something faintly coherent, if staggeringly long, so. i hope it’s worth the wait.

S(chnee)-side: how to lose brothers and alienate sisters

let’s start from some well-trodden ground: the season 5 character shorts, and their subsequent caricaturization via Chibi, which posit the Yang vs. Winter dichotomy as something like “Yang loves Ruby by diving into a monster’s mouth for her, and telling her she always has her back, and Winter does the same for Weiss by...siccing monsters on her, and telling her that she won’t always be around to save her from them.” much hay has already been made about the reasons why the two of them would act in the ways they did, so for the purposes of my own meta i’m going to skip over those, and concentrate on how content since season 5 has updated these conceptions.

and on Winter’s end of things, these conceptions have been updated by showing that she’s, uh.

...full of shit.

we’ve now had TWO instances of Winter going above and beyond to protect someone vulnerable. the first time was for Penny, with whom she has a sisterly bond, and the second time was for Ren, with whom she has...exchanged a few lines of dialogue. if she’s so ready and willing to hurl herself bodily into the path of an aggressor for someone who is basically a stranger, then why all the pageantry with Weiss about how she can’t (or won’t) save her? did she carve some kind of blood relative exemption into her saving people thing? does it only apply to people who wear a lot of green?¹

to properly address this question--and to bring in the Willow of it all--i think we should step back and ask: how does Winter actually feel about the Schnee name?

not Jacques’ name, mind. nor anything he did to besmirch it. Willow’s name, and Winter’s birthright.

because what has always been interesting to me is that while Weiss has talked about reclaiming or rehabilitating the Schnee name from their father’s meddling and still clearly wants to reconcile herself with it, even after being disinherited, Winter has only ever talked about distancing. it’s entirely possible that she had similar aspirations when she was around Weiss’ age and was just more thoroughly disabused of them, but my point stands: Winter shows a discomfort with the Schnee name overall in a way that Weiss has yet to. you don’t have to look any further than Winter’s combat style to see how this discomfort is telegraphed, as she barely uses any Dust, or Glyphs, and the one aspect of her Semblance that she does use and tout are Summons, which just so happens to be the part that emphasizes her own individual ability to conquer foes. something about the Schnee name feels irreconcilably tainted for Winter,² and while i’m sure a large part of it has to do with her father, who can make her explode into emotion confetti by just being in the same room as her for thirty seconds, a not-insignificant part can probably be chalked up to the fact that...

Willow Schnee was probably never all that good a mother.

granted: we’ve have exactly one scene (two if you count the 8.2 sneak peek) with her, so i’m fully ready to be called Boo Boo the Fool if we get a flashback and Willow was some kind of crusading super-mom prior to her descent into alcoholism, but. the idea that she hasn’t ALWAYS had to compromise herself and her children just to get by feels facile. this is not to victim blame, but to say that Willow is an imperfect person (in that she is. a person) placed into a horrific situation, which means that she could not always deal with the situation perfectly. it’s important to remember her agency--both before and after she became an alcoholic--but it’s just as important not to idealize it into something it’s not. Willow was by no means a co-abuser to her children, but she was probably always inconsistent, because living with your abuser for years on end does that to you. personally, i’ve always envisioned pre-alcoholism Willow as...well-meaning and much more perceptive and intelligent than people give her credit for, but beset with her own flaws that grew in proportion to her hurt and bitterness. she was capable of shielding her children from her husband’s worst excesses, and often did; but she was just as capable of retreating when she might have fought, of excusing Jacques’ actions to try to keep the peace, even of lashing out at those who shouldn’t have to handle her negative emotions.

her descent into alcoholism exacerbated these tendencies, but Willow has always been a complicated woman, and the idea that there was a prelapsarian time when Willow was an unmitigated good, before...idk, her Good battery ran out and she became Drunk Victim Non-Mom, is...well, it’s definitely something that a ten-year-old who had an ENORMOUSLY traumatic birthday would believe (and blame herself for), but Winter might disagree. i don’t think her view would be any more objective, if only because the day Winter Schnee has an un-myopic thought is the day i pass gracefully into the West, but her view is probably more complicated and less flattering, because Winter knew her mother more as a person, and that’s something we’re gonna talk about more with Yang and Ruby, later.

the point i want to make now, with Winter, is that her determined inconstancy, where she’ll readily jump into the jaws of a monster for her siblings in one breath and berate them and caution them against needing her in the next--that comes from her experience with Willow. the lesson she wants her siblings to learn is not just “the people who are supposed to love you are cruel, so get a helmet,” but “the people who are supposed to love you disappoint you, which is worse, so it’s better to not rely on them at all.”³ better for them to learn it from her than firsthand, but also--better for herself, because when she does disappoint them (and she did. she left.) at least she can take comfort in the fact that surely it doesn’t hurt as much; she warned them, after all.

in Winter’s mind, this kind of disappointment is an inevitability, so what’s paramount is to make sure that when it does happen her siblings are at least prepared for it. in the face of that the fact that she would actually risk life and limb to help them if they ever need it falls to the wayside; i don’t think it was a mindful decision that Winter consciously made--like, i don’t think she ever thought “i’m going to withhold the fact that i would die for them because that would contradict the whole social Darwinism thing i’m trying to drill into their heads,” because Winter’s just...not that kind of deliberate rational actor, in any arena. rather--and maybe even more damning--i think she just assumes that Weiss and Whitley already KNOW, that it’s a given for them the sacrifices she’d make for them in the same way it’s a given for her. but they don’t! because you have to say these things, and Winter has been force-feeding them the precise opposite.

ultimately all of these contradictory impulses stem from Winter’s deep-seated need for control--both of herself, and of the environments around her, and those in turn come from the fact that she was a) repeatedly wounded as a child and b) had to shoulder responsibilities far beyond her own ability as that same child, which...continues to this day. from this perspective, what matters is less keeping her siblings safe, and more her own ability to save them. she knows that’s imperfect, so she compensates by enforcing what worked for her onto them, and also by keeping them away from anything that could harm them, without their input. i never thought much of the contrast in environments for the character shorts--like of course Weiss would spar with Winter’s Summons at home like the untested shut-in she was--but what did take me aback was that in season 7, after Weiss has waltzed across an entire continent and been promoted to a full Huntress, Winter...still exclusively trains Weiss with her Summons up in Atlas, while Ruby and Yang are traipsing across Mantle killing ACTUAL Grimm. i have no doubt that this was for foreshadowing reasons, but still: it points to the fact that for all Winter loves Weiss and would fight giant monsters for her, there’s a part of her that...doesn’t trust Weiss, and wants to maintain control over her.⁴

this, i think, is part of the reason why Whitley treats her basically like an un-person: it’s not just that she left when he was too young and Jacques filled in all the gaps with lies and slander, it’s also that even when Winter was around the bigger age gap made it much easier for her to reconcile keeping him out of the loop, for his own good. she can’t ever be vulnerable around either of her siblings, but especially not Whitley, because he’s too young; he might let something slip when they’re around Jacques, and she shouldn’t be putting that kind of burden on him anyway. if he resents her when she’s just trying to protect him--except you said that you wouldn’t, Winter you absolute moron--then that’s his prerogative. it doesn’t change her own responsibilities. they can be miserable and Byronic in their own separate cubby holes and it’s fine.

(it’s not fine.)

R(ose)⁵-side: tonight, the role of Replacement Goldfish will be played by...everyone

let’s get one thing out of the way: Yang is a GOOD big sister, and some of the ways that she is good can be chalked up to the fact that she had a better home life, but only some. her character short ends with her promising Ruby that she’ll always have her back after spending the short proving it, and she has--until recently, and we’ll get to that--lived up to it. people get caught up on how much time Yang spends with Blake nowadays, but it’s important to remember that the entire impetus for Yang reuniting with anyone during the Mistral arc was about Ruby. so is the thing that separates a Yang from a Winter is that a Yang preaches what she practices, and isn’t firing a million zillion mixed signals at all times?

well--yeah, basically, but we’re gonna make a big thing out of it anyway.

what made Yang and Ruby different from the Schnees--even before the character shorts--was a sense of parity. in contrast to Winter insisting on maintaining a) the most unapproachable facade in the world, and b) a death-grip on every situation at all times, Yang was characterized from the outset as...chill (ironically). despite her Semblance being LITERALLY hotheadedness, Yang’s passionate energy never manifested in any real desire to take charge. the fact that she was fine (even happy!) with Ruby being bumped up to her year and then becoming leader speaks volumes to how much Yang trusts and respects Ruby’s judgement. rather than try to mask her flaws, she exudes this kind of...radiant fallibility and lets Ruby take care of her, or keep her in line. they complement each other: Yang takes care of more grounded concerns like individual fights and making friends, while Ruby--again, until recently--set more abstract goals and gave them moral direction.

a lot of this can be attributed to the smaller age gap, but i think it also comes from growing up as two motherless free-range children on an island--and the motherlessness is obviously a huge deal for both of them. when i started writing this i honestly thought i’d talk more about Raven, since she’s the mom who’s actually a character already, and her absence plays a huge role in how Yang deals with her abandonment issues in the present, but to be honest: the loss that cut the deepest for Ruby AND Yang is Summer, because Summer was actually around enough to be lost. despite the show frequently dividing custody of Team STRQ right down the middle between Ruby and Yang, where Ruby “gets” Summer and Qrow and Yang “gets” Tai and Raven, it’s the admixture of Rose and Branwen that makes the two of them who they are.⁶ Yang spent more time with Summer, but Ruby spends more time with Qrow, who is Yang’s blood uncle, so the dichotomy between nature and nurture is fascinatingly blurred.

i know this is an unpopular opinion, but i hope Summer really is dead, because the ways that her daughters interpellate their own identities from her absence drives so much of the story. that SUMMER was the first mother Yang lost--not Raven, because Yang didn’t even know about Raven until Summer died--is what shapes her relationship with Ruby, but also her relationship with Raven. what’s always simmering just below the surface of any Yang-Raven confrontation is that the person Yang actually wanted to find the whole time she was looking for Raven was Summer, because she wanted a mom, and a mom looked like Summer. Raven’s not stupid--it might be her one redeeming quality--so it’s likely that she’s always known and resented this. it’s not an accident that the moment Yang stopped looking for Raven for Raven and started looking for her for an easy conduit to her real family was the moment she actually found Raven.⁷ it was the first step to Yang outgrowing her old habits, of waiting for a mother to return--a classic “she needed a hero so that’s what she hurdy blah”

in a way that’s what she’s been doing this whole time. in contrast to Winter, who compensated for her mother’s flaws by ratifying them into universal law, Yang did the same by defying their supposed truth: people might leave her, but she won’t leave Ruby, and Ruby won’t leave her. it’s telling that whenever Yang leaves--even as a literal child--she always took Ruby with her, even if she planned on coming back. (it’s just as telling that when Winter left she didn’t.) she’ll always be there for Ruby, to give her the boost she needs to become the Summer they all want her to be, which means being a little of Summer herself--the part of Summer that baked cookies and slew monsters. and in return Ruby gave her...a sense of certainty, i think: that Ruby needs her and therefore won’t leave, but also that Ruby has the parts of Summer that Yang can’t muster herself--the grand heroic ideal, the moral certitude, etc.

...and now we’re finally gonna talk about the Schism, which i honestly think is the best thing that has happened to their relationship, development-wise. by the end of the Mistral arc Yang has arrived at a healthier perspective with respect to her relationships with everyone: now it’s not about indiscriminately giving herself away to people in the hopes that they might not leave her, but about choosing to give herself away to the people she loves and trusts. on one level this should not conflict with her relationship with Ruby at all, because Yang loves Ruby, but on another...the fact that Yang no longer feels obligated to perform unending support, to be the grounded complement, to fill in the parts of Summer that Ruby can’t--of COURSE that’s going to bring about conflict. because it turns out Yang never needed Ruby to give her direction or discipline. she’s now had time to think of the things she herself values, and those...don’t exactly match up with Ruby’s--or Summer’s.⁸ Yang, having known Summer as a mother, having been confronted repeatedly with the fallibility of mothers, is starting to outgrow Summer, and grow separately from Ruby.

but growing separately doesn’t have to mean growing apart, and i think Yang, at least, knows this. she clearly feels Some Kinda Way about their disagreement (and Blake’s implicit alignment with Ruby), but she’s also confident enough in her own beliefs by this point to commit to them. Yang’s taking charge instead of deferring to Ruby, and it turns out that...she’s actually not a bad leader herself, since she and Jaune have pretty much split a lot of those responsibilities. for her it’s not a question of losing faith or love in Ruby as a person, but about discovering what she herself fights for.

Ruby...sees it differently, because Ruby sees Summer differently. if Yang has always defined herself against Summer by deciding that she can NEVER fully be Summer, so she’ll make do with what she can, then Ruby’s always defined herself against Summer by marking Summer as the endpoint of her personal trajectory. what Ruby knows of Summer--that she was a person who enjoyed life and did not believe in original sin, that had a magical special destiny that was totally fine and awesome and didn’t drive her to her death, that she was a baker of cookies and slayer of monsters--is what Tai and Qrow--and Yang--told her about Summer, because Ruby was too young to remember the real Summer. so Summer for her is this abstract paragon to live up to, and no more. she can’t possibly exceed Summer, because the Summer Ruby knows encompasses literally all that is good.

when Yang tells Ruby “i’ve always got your back” in the short, a lot of it is about Yang, and the ways Yang needed to be there for other people so they’ll be there for her in return. but it’s also something Ruby really needed to hear, because Ruby needed the security and comfort of knowing that even if she screws up there are people around her who can help shoulder the burden. that security already took a serious hit after Yang lost her arm, but Ruby, kind and generous person that she is, was able to reconcile with that, because YANG HAD JUST LOST HER ARM. it would be ridiculous to expect Yang to have her back the way she used to, and besides--it was time she grew up, and growing up means becoming more like Summer, all of Summer, by herself.

and...she gets pretty far, is the thing, because Ruby IS a lot like Summer, and is incredible and amazing all by herself to boot, but the point is that no one should feel this much pressure to be All That Is Good, especially when you’re a teen. Ruby’s not ready to recognize that, partly because at this point so many people are looking to her for leadership, but also because being Summer’s heir is the only real link she has to her mom.⁹ so she hunkers down and does the best she can, in a situation that has far spiraled beyond anybody’s control...and then Yang tells her that it’s not working out, that this time it’s not that she can’t have Ruby’s back, but that she won’t. in Ruby’s mind, this could only mean one of two things: either Yang no longer believes what Ruby believes--what Summer believed, or...Yang no longer believes in Ruby, because she wasn’t good enough.

and well. it’s Ruby. it’s not hard to guess which reason she’s picking right now, especially since she pretty conspicuously refused to call the shots during the Amity heist.

but this is of course a false dichotomy. it’s not about which one of them is right, or even more right, and the show does a very good job with the framing to show that both of them have a point. similarly, what Ruby needs right now is neither confirmation that her long-held beliefs are objectively the best ones, nor that she is good enough to become Summer after all. no; what she needs instead is the knowledge that she’s allowed to fuck up, to deviate from what people have told her about Summer, to become what Summer never was. that’s something Yang can--and will--help her work out.

oh no this analogy is breaking apart: how they’d get along

...oi.

look, even beyond the fact that Winter doesn’t get along with ANYONE over much, i don’t think there’s any universe where she wouldn’t immediately rub Yang the wrong way. not only because Winter’d initially treat Ruby with the same cold tyranny that she (up until very recently) treats Weiss, but also because Yang’s partner is Blake, and--to say nothing of Atlas/Schnee-on-Faunus oppression--she was personally made collateral during the fallout with Blake’s abuser.¹⁰ i myself wouldn’t say that Winter abused Weiss, but to Yang’s protective and skewed view...

well, can you imagine Weiss trying to explain the way Winter ~~~trained her to the Bees? “oh, she sent a pack of Beowolves to hunt me! it was a meant-to-lose fight and when i started doing well she just moved the goalposts. one of her wolves almost ate me before i begged her to stop but it...probably...wouldn’t have...it was fine! my Aura didn’t dip THAT much. Winter’s the best!!” Yang’s hair would have been on fire after the first sentence, is all i’m saying. this coupled with the fact that Yang would very likely view Winter leaving Weiss and Whitley through the lens of Raven doing the same thing to her, and i think it would take a pretty long time for the two of them to see eye to eye on anything.

which is not to say that they have nowhere to go but antagonism, because at their cores Winter and Yang both have a) no hesitation whatsoever when it comes to protecting the people they care about and b) a tendency to define protection literally, often bodily. the difference is that Yang’s Semblance weaponizes these protective instincts for her, and she learned the limits of taking that too far. Winter...doesn’t, and hasn’t.¹¹ that COULD lead to some interesting conversations, but i don’t think Yang has quite the emotional clarity and generosity to reckon with that yet, and they’re not about to talk about it inside the Giant Whale.

a necessary part of Winter’s development is learning to respect the people around her instead of instantly categorizing them into boxes labeled “to fight” and “to protect and order around.” her friction with Yang could be an intriguing way to explore that; i have no doubt, for example, that Winter would have hurled herself between Elm and Yang just as readily as she had between Elm and Ren. similarly, i think if Winter ever were in the same room with both Raven and Yang she’d last about ten seconds before trying to rip Raven’s hair out with her teeth, because Raven is neglectful and casually demeaning in ways that are instantly recognizable to Winter (in the same way they were to Weiss).¹² the issue is that her doing any of these things for Yang--y’know, the same Yang who IMMEDIATELY gave Blake the cold shoulder when she tried to pull the whole “i’ll protect you” crap--is that she would only find it confusing and frustrating, and likely wouldn’t mince words expressing that.

Yang’s a big sister herself, and therefore knows all the big sister tricks, and Yang has a consistent pattern of not wanting to rely on other people, particularly people she sees as adults. so the best path toward a Winter and Yang friendship is probably not the head-on approach, but obliquely through someone else. that someone else can’t be Weiss, because Yang would be already hypervigilant about the way Winter treats Weiss--but it could be Ruby. even putting aside the fact that she is now one of the most important people in the world for BOTH her sisters, Ruby herself is very easy to love, and Winter loves very easily, despite herself. what they have in common--idealism and a martyr complex--would also engender some cool interactions, and Ruby would let Winter take care of her, if only to make Winter feel better.

i could see that being the impetus for Yang tentatively, grudgingly forming her own friendship with Winter, because there ARE things that Winter can give Yang, even if Yang can’t (or won’t) admit she wants them. it’s nice to try out being the kid sister, once in a while.

still, even if they get that far: i can’t imagine their relationship as anything friendlier than this.

¹ tbh neither would actually surprise me; what Winter does and doesn’t let herself do is only knowable to the Gods Who Have Forsaken This Land, and they’re certainly unknowable to Winter herself.

² maybe she knows that the whole “the Schnees were up-from-bootstraps-good-capitalists until that guy Jacques came along” thing is stupid!! i don’t care that he’s Santa Nicholas Schnee ain’t shit

³ this i think is why the current thing with Ironwood is such a bitter pill to swallow, because...she thought she’d been so careful. not in thinking that she’d chosen a man who couldn’t disappoint her, but in caring so deeply about him and investing so much of herself into him, despite the fact she’s only ever let herself call him “sir,” or “General.”

⁴ though i will say, to give Winter some credit: she actually accepts the fact that her sister is totally her own person now with a lot more aplomb than i’d expected, both in the “you stole an airship” scene and during all of Sparks. i wouldn’t be so generous as to read subtle treason into her disclosure of Ironwood’s Winter Maiden plans, but it does point to Winter’s desire for control being much more easily unlearned than that of her boss.

⁵ geddit? it’s a joke about handed-ness because now they both have the Hand Tremor

⁶ Tai is, as always and on purpose, the stabilizing agent. “appropriately underwhelming,” as Winter might put it, but absolutely essential.

⁷ of course then Raven had the gall to resent THAT too, because she’s the worst, and...see above, about Winter Schnee’s self-unknowing.

⁸ curiously, the values that Yang most espouses now--the importance of knowing what you’re getting into, protecting what is tangible, what is within your ability--are a) hard-won from years of taking care of Ruby and b) ones that she shares with Raven. the only difference is that Yang’s circle of protection extends far beyond Raven’s, which only includes herself.

⁹ weirdly enough the best person to talk to Ruby about this might be Raven, who has a very skewed perception of Summer herself (because Raven’s perception of EVERYONE is generally fucked up), but probably won’t hold back when talking about Summer’s flaws. Ruby won’t want to hear any of it, but i think she needs to.

¹⁰ i do think Blake and Winter would have some interesting conversations, if Blake ever...was generous enough to deal with *gestures at all of Winter.* it’s easier to compare Blake to Willow given the shared nature of their interpersonal abuse, but Winter on the other hand knows what it’s like to be hand-picked and groomed by a charismatic man with a singular vision who ended up wholly compromising that vision for the sake of their personal ego. that the White Fang are a good force perverted while the Atlesian Military is rotten to the core would...make the conversation more lively? it’s probably fine?

¹¹ “i’m Winter Schnee and i have maladaptive coping mechanisms that i am currently clinging to, as a maladaptive coping mechanism”

¹² though there...probably IS a world where Raven and Winter end up getting along after the initial skirmish, and it disturbs Yang and Qrow to no end

#Anonymous #yang xiao long #winter schnee #rwby #tl;dr they both play vanguard when they play mass effect #helen writes meta

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razzle-zazzle · 3 years ago

Text

Whumptober Day 01: All trussed up & still nowhere to go

Bound + Barbed Wire

2338 Words; Sanctuary Island

TW for blood, mentions of slavery, and mild violence

This was not an ideal situation.

Not that Cole had really been in any ideal situations since being brought to this island, but this was more of a relative case. At least having allies nearby was better than being tied to a chair.

But, ideal or not, Cole was here, heavy metal collar held close to the back of the chair by a chain, and escape was not going to come as easily as the last time. The overseers were doing their best to make sure of that.

Really, all Cole had to do was stay alive and hope Artura didn’t attempt anything too reckless in his absence. All of the others had managed to disappear into the woods safely, and it’d be a while yet before their little makeshift fortress could be taken. He’d probably faced much worse odds on the mainland.

His restraints weren’t exactly uncomfortable, per se—he could do without having his arms pulled behind the chair over the back of it, elbows lashed tightly together with what had to be rope chosen deliberately for how rough and scratchy it was, his wrists similarly bound—his legs were tightly tied to the front legs of the chair, but the fabric of his pants prevented most of the friction currently chafing his arms.

He could definitely do without the ropes over his chest, and it would be very nice to get the metal collar off. But Cole refused to focus on the negatives here. He had to stay positive, and keep his eyes open for the opportunity to escape and rejoin the revolution.

So Cole waited, doing his level best to ignore the discomfort, flexing his arms to test the strength of the ropes.

He could snap them with his earth punch easily. That wouldn’t handle any of the other ropes, and he’d have to disconnect the metal collar from the chair if he wanted to lean down to pull the ropes on his legs apart, but it shouldn’t take too long to undo the lock fastening the chain to his collar.

The problem, however, was the collar. Cole wasn’t sure if it was intentional or not, but there were traces of vengestone in the metal—just enough to cut his strength in half, preventing him from actually snapping the rope.

Cole was stuck waiting until an actual opportunity presented itself, and the longer he waited, the more uncomfortable his position became.

First Master, his arms were aching. The back of the chair was digging into his back, and he couldn’t pull his arms up to alleviate the situation. His elbows being lashed so tightly together was starting to become a problem for his shoulders, too.

But Cole was tougher than that. He had to be. He was the rock of the ninja, so he could be the rock here, too. It was just like Jay said: the power of positive thinking.

Time passed. It probably felt longer than it was—Cole couldn't exactly tell; there wasn’t any way to tell the time. Just a small, windowless room dimly lit by an oil lamp on a table in the corner.

Honestly, the room felt more like a shed than anything. Maybe Cole was locked up in some kind of fortress, and maybe he wasn’t. It was hard to tell, but Cole was leaning towards torture room based on the tools hanging on the wall to his right.

Fuck, now his back was starting to ache, and he was losing feeling in his fingers. Grunting a little, Cole shifted as much as his restraints would allow—not much, but it’d have to do—in an effort to alleviate some of the pain.

Fortunately—or unfortunately, it depended on how one looked at it—the door opened at that moment, heralding the arrival of one of the overseers.

Cole recognized this man. The shiny badge on his top hat gave him away as one of the people enforcing the messed-up system on the island, but Cole recognized the man’s face from the few weeks Cole had been put to work in the fields.

The man opened his mouth to say something, but Cole cut him off.

“Oh good,” he snarked, “I was starting to think I’d been forgotten here.”

The man’s expression changed immediately, shifting from merely dismissive contempt to fury. He crossed the room in two steps and slapped Cole, hard. His head jolted to the side from the force of it.

“Hold your tongue, boy.” Venom dripped from the overseer’s voice, enough to kill a man. “Do not speak unless spoken to.”

Cole grinned. “So I can speak now that you’ve said something to me?” He got another smack in return, his head jolting to the other side this time. Cole tasted copper—he’d bit his tongue twice now.

"You have caused more than enough trouble here, on our fair island.” The overseer stated, adjusting his gloves.

Cole shrugged as much as his restraints would allow, swallowing the blood in his mouth. “Yeah, I kinda specialize in that.” He only got a sharp look at that remark, thankfully enough.

“And what, pray tell," the overseer snarled, reaching back to grip Cole’s hair harshly, "Makes you so special, dirt boy?"

"I'm a ninja." Cole said tersely. He flexed against the restraints. "Protecting people is what I do." Just grin and bear it. That should be easy enough.

He grinned again, past the taste of copper in his mouth, making sure to bare his teeth. "Of course, you wouldn't understand that, would you, slave-driver?"

He got a third smack for his sass. The overseer’s grip on his hair kept Cole’s head from jolting to the side again, but the tradeoff was a harsh yank on his hair.

The overseer huffed, letting go of Cole’s hair. “Well then.” He hissed, walking over to open one of the drawers to Cole’s left. “We’ll see about correcting this little… discipline issue. This little ‘revolution’ of yours ends here, boy.” The overseer held up a spool of barbed wire, face oddly impassive for such a pompous man.

Cole stilled. This was not something he’d seen before.

The overseer opened another drawer, digging through it before pulling out some cloth.

Cole wasn’t sure where this was going, but he was pretty sure it was going to hurt.

“I was going to ask if you’d learned your lesson,” the overseer began, closing the drawers. “But clearly you haven’t.”

“You say that like there’s a lesson to be learned, here.” Cole shot back as the overseer approached. Any further retort was cut off as—rather predictably, Cole would later reflect—the overseer shoved the cloth in his mouth.

It wasn’t a lot, certainly not enough to make his jaw ache any time soon, but it did muffle and garble his words.

Before Cole could spit the cloth out, the overseer was there, securing it in place with a length of barbed wire. Cole glared as the overseer looped the wire twice more around his head before calmly fastening it behind Cole’s head with a metal clip.

None of the spikes were directly digging into Cole’s flesh, but he could feel the edges of the points threateningly close to his skin, close enough to cut into it if he moved too much.

Cole growled through the cloth. He couldn’t actually reduce the man to ash with just a look, but damn if he wasn’t trying.

“Since you fail to understand simple instructions,” The overseer hissed, beginning to wrap more barbed wire around Cole’s chest and arms, “You will have to be educated in proper behavior.” The wire was dangerously tight around Cole, to the point where he could feel some of the spikes through his shirt. His bare arms were spared slightly by the width of the chair, but that didn’t mean much when what was touching his arms was forcing them tighter against the back of the chair.

“You refuse to hold your tongue,” the overseer continued, “so you will not be allowed to speak for the time being. He pulled the wires tighter, cinching the two ends together behind Cole… somehow. It wasn’t like Cole could really see behind himself. “And since you continue to be bullheaded,” the overseer spat the word bullheaded like a curse, “some long-term negative reinforcement is in order.”

Cole huffed, the sound muffled by the gag. Unlike the wire used to gag him, the wire looping around him was digging into his flesh at several points. He couldn’t feel any blood, though, so he supposed there were still small mercies.

Not that those small mercies really made the situation ideal.

The overseer, satisfied with his work—and with the way Cole was glaring at him, curses muffled by the gag—nodded, and then left, the click of a lock finalizing his departure.

Cole groaned. If it had just been some light torture or the whip again, Cole could have handled that. But barbed wire? Being left alone with the barbed wire to suffer for a while? In what basically amounted to solitary confinement?

You can bear this, Cole. Cole reminded himself, staring at the small crack where the door met the floor. You’re too tough to be broken by something so small as this. It didn’t make the situation less painful, but it did give Cole some confidence.

He was going to be aching for weeks after this, he just knew it.

There was something weird about the barbed wire, though. It felt like the spikes all had sharp edges along their lengths, instead of just a sharp point at the end. It was like being held in place by a bunch of tiny little knives—

Cole’s eyes widened. Of course! He’d have grinned were it not for the barbed wire against his cheek. The overseer had left him with exactly what he needed to get free.

Carefully, trying not to cut into himself further, Cole shifted so the ropes around his elbows and wrists were as close to the spikes as he could manage. He couldn’t see what he was doing, having to feel it out, and he could definitely feel one or two of the barbs digging in deeper, but he could also, if he strained his ears enough, hear the faint sound of metal cutting through fiber.

It took some more experimenting before Cole could build up a proper rhythm, but eventually he’d managed to free his elbows, with a lot of little cuts up and down his arms for his efforts. The wire was still pinning his arms against the chair, but it wasn’t holding his arms together.

A little more wriggling—there was definitely blood starting to bead up on his arms now—and Cole’s wrists were free of the rope, allowing Cole to separate his arms. It took some shimmying, and the barbs sliced through his flesh as he did so, but he managed to get his arms to the sides of his chest. This gave the wire enough slack for it to start to fall a bit, and a little more shaking and wiggling got it all the way down, the wire lying in several loops at his waist.

Carefully, avoiding the barbs, Cole twisted the coils around until he could get at whatever was fastening the ends. A little jiggling, and the metal clip came loose, allowing Cole to move the wire where he pleased.

Carefully, trying not to cut up his wrists, Cole lifted his arms out of the wire, freeing them up. Immediately, he used that newfound freedom to fiddle with the clip fastening the wire behind his head.

Cole spat out the cloth, tossing the wire that had held it in place to the side.

Of course, that still left the ropes around his chest and legs, and the collar—

The next step was the collar. Cole wasn’t strong enough to break it without his powers, but he couldn’t access his powers with it on. So he reached back, feeling around the collar for where the chain fastened to it for a weak point.

Blood had dripped down onto his hands while he’d been working his arms free, though, and it was making fiddling with the lock difficult. But dammit, Cole was not sticking around long enough to find out what else the overseer had in store for him, so he grabbed one of the ends of the wire in his lap and jammed it into the lock.

A click signaled the chain was detached from the collar, even if it was still on. Whatever. Cole would deal with that later. Preferably far away from this place.

Of course, he wasn’t home free just yet. There was still the matter of the ropes around his legs.

But Cole also had several coils of barbed wire.

After that, it was a simple matter to cut through the rest of the ropes. Cole was still bleeding, but he’d handle that once he could stand.

Finally free, Cole stood up. His joints creaked in protest after spending so long so tightly bound, but Cole pushed on anyway. He went to the drawers first—he’d need to grab a few things before he could make his daring escape.

First step: the cuts on his arms. They were starting to scab over, not that they’d been that big in the first place, but there was still blood dripping languidly down his arms. So he dug through the drawers for some bandages, and, failing that, some cloth that would serve the same purpose. There wasn’t really anything in the room Cole could use to clean the wounds, so he’d worry about that once he got back to Artura and Laina and the others.

Arms now wrapped with something resembling bandages, Cole moved on to the tool board on the wall, searching for a weapon. His hand-to-hand was usually good, but “usually” didn’t apply to arms covered in cuts and still aching from his bonds. So really, it was a question of which “tool” would serve him best here.

Cole grabbed a knife, examining the blade.

Yeah, this would do.

#whumptober2021 #no.1 #bound #barbed wire #ninjago #lego ninjago #zaz writes #blood #mild violence #slavery mention #cole ninjago #sanctuary island #the overseer #there's not enough cole whump in this sad sad world #kicking off whumptober with a bang!#and a 2000+ word piece #also; for organization within my blog:#tw blood #tw mild violence #tw slavery #yeah that's why i've been putting off doing anything substantial with sanctuary island #the fact that the plot is ''cole arrives on island at just the right time to spark the kindling for a slave revolution''#but hey i might as well just write the damn thing #as long as i tag it all thoroughly i should be fine #also damn cole's so sassy here #gotta get all that vitriol out while he can ig #this would be about midway through the story i think?#it's late enough that there's an actual revolution going on but early enough that the villains aren't taking it seriously just yet #the overseer doesn't get a name bc i refuse to give him one 😊

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mk-wizard · 4 years ago

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Rescue Bots vs. COVID-19: How would it go down?

Hello. This essay is to answer a question asked by the inquisitive @petrichornial who raised a question that would make for an interesting scenario that would definitely involve the Burns family and Rescue Bots.

Right off the bat, we know that the bots don’t need to worry about catching it because COVID-19 is a virus that only affects organic people not robotic organisms. However, they can still be carriers as the virus can latch onto them which would require lockdown, safety, distancing and sanitation protocols to apply to them as well to keep humans around them safe. As for the Burns family, Cody would be the one stuck at home while the rest of the family would be required to go out often because they are first responders. In fact, I think all of the kids would be under lockdown which means most communication between everyone would only be digital. The good part is that a lot of things in Griffin Rock are done by machines anyway, so some business and such would still go on, but for people like Huxley Prescott who is a reporter, coffee shop owners and such, their work would suffer immensely.

Though the main focus would be how people are affected socially in which case, the four bots plus some of the townspeople would represent the five categories/issues society faces during COVID-19.

Number one, you have Heatwave who stands for people who are in denial of how much danger COVID-19 poses and how much they openly resent the lockdown and all of the restrictions. He wants to be free to do what he wants and he sometimes shirks protocols like not washing as soon as he comes back, not keeping his distance and becoming stir crazy from being inside so often. He probably become very moody and hard to talk to snapping at everyone.

Number two, you have Blades who stands for the other extreme of people who are taking precautions too far to the point of paranoia and hysteria. He sees COVID-19 as this boogeyman who is going to come get him the instant he takes a foot outside, he would fear going out, he would be afraid to go near anyone even people who are not a danger and have trouble performing rescues because that involves touching or going near people. Blades would probably go as far as thinking he has it or someone around him does prompting him to panic even further.

Number three, you have Chase who stands for the people enforcing the lockdown and safety precautions to the point where he is being too severe. In an attempt to keep people safe, he is fueling the paranoia and actually angering the stir crazy people instead of handling things with a sympathetic touch and common sense. I can even picture a moment where he refuses to let Chief Burns out during a rescue as an attempt to keep him safe, but doesn’t realize that he is endangering the people on scene. I don’t say all this because Chase is bad. It is that he is very lawful and is paranoid, but in a different way from Blades. Chief Burns is an older man making him more vulnerable to COVID-19 and he just wants to protect him, but fails to realize that the virus doesn’t work that way and that Charlie made an oath to help people. I even imagine a moment where Chase forcefully “sanitizes” by spraying them with sanitizer and water anyone who is caught outside including people who are allowed to be out like truck drivers or delivery people. Maybe even the cat Mr. Pettipaws after saving him and even suggesting giving HIM a fine for being outside.

Number four, you have some people who are accepting the lockdown and such, and are at home, but they are becoming extremely complacent to the point of laziness and letting themselves go. People are becoming slovenly, the state of property is being let go, nobody is exercising and take out is at an all time high indicating that people are not eating right either. This raises concerns because while people may not wind up ill because of COVID-19, they will wind up ill because of self negligence and unhealthy lifestyles. Some characters will even wind up gaining weight or dressing like slobs. I can picture mayor Luskey being the guy who just sits around dressing like a slob and becoming fatter which also has a very negative impact on his marriage as his wife becomes disgusting by his laziness and listlessness.

Lastly, we have Boulder who represents the best of us trying to get through COVID-19 and he would be the star of this episode as he would also serve as the voice of reason especially at the end. Boulder is abiding by the rules, but he is being reasonable about it and while staying inside, he is making the most of his time by keeping up with his hobbies and even maintaining the HQ. He even helps Cody get around to taking up cleaning up his own space and even sorting out material things he never got around to before. Boulder would probably even encourage Cody to learn how to keep after himself and the importance of respecting your home. I can even picture this episode bringing in Ratchet as a special guest star since he is a doctor and can give medical advance to everyone, including the bots, for the physical and mental health.

In the end, it would be Boulder along with Cody and Dr. Greene who would bring the town back to its senses by ceasing to be extremes in any directions by reminding them that outbreaks have occurred before throughout history. Moreover, they would inspire the people to be mindful that surviving COVID-19 doesn’t mean anything if we can’t even survive ourselves and that we shouldn’t use the lockdown as an excuse to let ourselves go or cease being productive. This would bring also the other three bots to their senses and give them, especially Heatwave, new purpose by helping people maintain their properties since the bots cannot get sick. Also, Prescott would find new purpose by allowing people to send in how-to videos and other family videos to bring up spirits on his blog. Lastly, some people would even use this chance to at long last use the lockdown to get around to doing things they should have done a long time ago. In the case of mayor Luskey, he finally decides to get up from the couch and exercise alongside his wife hinting that he is on his way to getting in shape and patching things up with her.

As a bonus point, I imagine Doc Greene is using the lockdown to do more than just do experiments. Being the positive person he is, he wants to use the time to be productive so he is trying out all kinds of hobbies though some of them are not working out like singing where he is tone deaf, cooking though his food is worse than Dani’s, and he even attempts things like yoga and knitting. However, he has the right attitude in not sitting around doing nothing and he is still taking care of himself and his home. In the end, he does find a hobby that works for him especially when you consider what his wife does: botany.

And that is my take on how COVID-19 would go down in Rescue Bots. Of course, this is only how I imagine it. I am curious to hear what you think would happen.

Thanks for reading, have a great day and stay safe.

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nerdified · 4 years ago

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Procedural Notes: Patient #3 (FKA Hugo Jensen)

NOTE: [At the time of this audio recording, Mr. Hugo Jensen (NKA Norville Nerdlinger) has just begun the process, and is restrained. The identity of the speaker is unknown. This transcript is reproduced here in order to assist with identification of this man, who has since disappeared, absconding with an undisclosed amount of the process agonist. Efforts to locate him have, to date, been fruitless. If anyone knows anything about this man or his whereabouts, please report the information to Central Command.]

[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

Quiet, now. It’s no use struggling.

I’m not going to hurt you. Quite the opposite.

I see that look in your eyes, like you don’t think I could hurt you. You’re probably right. I’m not much of a fighter. But I know what you think of me, and other guys like me. I’ve been listening to you on the phone, you know. Hacked your telecommunications. What was it that you called me, on that call with the client yesterday?

Oh, yes, I remember. A walking pocket protector. I’ll admit, that was a new one for me. I’ve had “pencil-neck” and “four-eyes” and the good old-fashioned “nerd” lobbed at me before, but “walking pocket-protector”… Heck, it’s got a little poetry to it!

Shh. I know, it feels strange. It’s a little unsettling, at first, I’ll agree. But you’ll get used to it. It’ll go easier for you if you just relax and quit fighting it. In time, you’ll even begin to like it.

I’m sorry about the gag. Unfortunately, it’s just the beginning of the process, so I have to leave it in for…twenty-three more minutes, at least, if my calculations are correct.

Ha! Who am I kidding – my calculations are always correct.

I can see from your eyes that you hate my guts right now. That, too, will change.

You see, what’s about to happen to you isn’t out of the ordinary, or even very noteworthy. As far as I can tell, it happens to a lot of guys, especially those that zip through their twenties and then hit that speed bump called thirty, bank accounts empty and career opportunities shot. Those of us who didn’t win the genetic lottery couldn’t get by just on our looks and our charisma, like you did.

I remember how it felt when I was in high school, and guys like you were all A+ students and perfect jocks, too… gosh, it’s enough to make me swear.

But no. You couldn’t leave well enough alone. You couldn’t just be a jock, be good at sports, and leave the academics to the rest of us. We didn’t ask for much, you know. We just wanted to be left alone in our science labs, and in our tutorials, in our lives.

There's no escaping guys like you. You’re everywhere, and you’re spreading. For a time, we ignored it. Figured it was some kind of anomaly. But it wasn’t – it was a trend. And despite the fact that we didn’t see it coming, we are now prepared for its end.

Like I mentioned – it won’t surprise most people to see you change. Maybe a few of your close friends will worry about you. Express some concern. But by that point, you’ll already have accepted your new self. You’ll be able to say “This is just who I am,” and it’ll be their choice how to proceed. That’s a side benefit, by the way, of the process. You get to find out who your real friends are – and, spoiler alert: they’re not exactly big football fans.

You have to be prepared for some major shake-up in your life, though. The good thing about the process is that it won’t faze you in the slightest. Everything will be gee-whiz gosh-darn super-duper spiffy keen neat-o, if anyone asks, and for you, it will be.

Now, I know those terms are a little outdated. We’ve had to make a bit of an adjustment to the process in your case. The earlier version wasn’t quite strong enough for you, so we’ve had to over-compensate in a few directions. You won’t just be a little bit nerdy, you know, a couple of odd quirks, some new hobbies. For example, Derek – well, that’s his dead name, he goes by Derwood now – Derwood can sometimes get by in normal society. He even kept a few of his old friends. He’s just more into things like superhero movies, and he’s left behind all knowledge or passion for sports. I think I even saw him reading a comic book the other day, come to think of it.

But that’s not going to be you. Oh, sure, you might develop a taste for superhero movies, but if you do, it won’t just be a passing interest. You’ll become a rabid fan. I believe…obsessive…is the operative word, in fact. Yes, you see, that earlier version of the process would have worn off, and you’d have been back to your old self in no time, which would wreak havoc on your psyche, not to mention put our entire operation in jeopardy. We can’t have that.

It looks like some time has passed, but not quite enough for me to remove the gag yet. Do you feel your perfect white teeth shifting around in your gums, almost impatiently? Nod once for yes.

You don’t have to nod at all, not if you don’t want to. I don’t need you to confirm for me what I can already see happening in your eyes. Speaking of your eyes – how’s your vision? I can see you starting to squint every now and then. Trying to see past that blur? Don’t worry. I’ve already got your glasses, right here, for when it gets too bad for you to see. Talk about your Coke-bottle lenses - my calculations again predict that you’ll settle somewhere around…hm…negative six diopters, which is even worse than mine.

To put it simply: you won’t even be able to read the big E on the eye chart without your glasses on.

I know, you’ve never been to the optometrist in your life. You never needed to. And don’t think about getting contact lenses, either. I mean, go ahead and try, if you really want to embarrass yourself.

Oh, I can see it now: timid, nerdy little guy like you, shuffling into the doctor’s office – you say you want to get contact lenses, and they get you in the back for a fitting. They show you how to do it, you know, hold your eyelids apart and then just plop the lens on there. But you have to do it three times before they’ll let you leave with them, and you won’t even be able to get one in, because you’ll keep blinking it out. I wish I could be there to see it, honestly – you, all frustrated, trying to swear, but only able to say things like “Fudge!” and “Gosh darn it!”

It’ll be so beautiful. I’m getting teary just thinking about it.

I’m glad you’re starting to settle down a bit. Let me know when you need your glasses. Maybe while we wait, I’ll get started on your hair. That trendy fade has got to go, and so does that scruff on your face. At the start, you’ll have to shave a lot, but as the process continues, you’ll start producing more of a 5-alpha reductase enzyme. This will convert your testosterone into dihydrotestosterone, or DHT, which will actually miniaturize your follicles. Kind of like using a shrink ray on them! Oh, and there will be no taking of inhibitors, like finasteride or anything like that – our process contains a potent agonist, with an affinity of 0.25 to 0.5 nM for the human androgen receptor.

It’s all very scientific, I assure you. And with the miniaturization of your follicles, your sebaceous glands will begin to over-produce sebum, which results in – you guessed it! Acne. Pimples. Zits. I know you’ve never had to deal with that before, so I’m just preparing you for it now. Pizza-face, I think the popular nickname is. Get ready for a lot of that.

Let’s see…what else can I tell you.... Gosh, this is kind of like the orientation for a new job, isn’t it? Ah, yes. I know. Speaking of jobs...

Yeah, this is the tough part. It’s all very natural, I assure you. Just like with your friends, your co-workers will come to see you in a different way. I know you have quite a few cutthroat underlings who would eat one another alive to get your corner office, and the moment they sense you’re not as much of a threat as you used to be, they’ll swarm.

I give it two weeks, tops, until you’re gone. If you choose that road. Or you could make it much easier on yourself and resign. You won’t be financially ruined – not with all that new information surging through your brain – you’ll be an asset to the right company, the right department. Maybe IT will take you. Or accounting. Maybe you won’t work corporate. Maybe you’ll work retail.

God, that’s cruel even for me. I wouldn’t wish retail on anyone, even a jerk like you. But there’s no telling what could happen. For all I know, once the process has completed, you could end up one of those Geek Squad guys at Best Buy! Have you seen the uniform they have to wear? It’s company-mandated dress code. You’ve seen them, haven’t you? White, short-sleeve, button-down shirt. Black polyester clip-on necktie; black, pleated trousers; black lace-up shoes…and white socks. Yes, white socks, kept completely spotless and bright. All this is enforced, too, with routine inspections, to make sure you’re being compliant!

You see, there’s really an infinity of possibilities for you. If anything, this is a new chance for you – a fresh start. I know it feels scary, all this change. But change is the only constant. Everything is always in flux. Heck, every seven years, your entire body regenerates – every cell is new and different, so why shouldn’t your personality and identity change, too?

It’s logical, isn’t it? Nod once for yes.

Good! You’re starting to come around, aren’t you? Like I said, it won’t be so bad if you just accept it. If you don’t fight it. That sudden urge to position your tongue up behind your teeth when you say ess. Eth. Eth. How your voice keeps breaking, and in the most unfortunate ways, and at the most unfortunate times – all of this is being etched into your muscle memory as I speak to you.

There isn’t much longer now until I can remove your gag, and I can see that the physical alterations are beginning. Too bad all that hard work at the gym all these years is so easily eroded by our process, but then, those muscles were mostly for show, weren’t they? Well, no longer. It isn’t exactly sarcopenia, but it’s close. You’ll be at least one and a half, possibly two, standard deviations below the relevant population mean, and no amount of exercise will restore your former abilities.

Yes, the ropes are looser now, because you’re much smaller. Rapid onset muscle deterioration. You could struggle out of them. Maybe you could even escape. You could try. But there’s no way you’d make it very far without your glasses. Who would believe you, anyway? What would you even say?

Like I said, you might as well give in. It’s not so bad, once you get used to it. And you’ll have me. I’ll be with you for the whole beginning process, so you can acclimate to your newly nerdy life. You won’t be able to continue living in that luxe apartment you’ve got – no, you’ll be moving into a nice little basement apartment I’ve got fixed up for you, in the suburbs outside the city. The landlords have just got it refurbished, with some nice wood paneling, and there’s a spare twin bed that should be just your size! There’s also tons of room on the walls to put up all your posters. You won’t need much room for anything else, really. You definitely won’t be needing that enormous closet of tailored, fitted button-down shirts, or all those sneakers, definitely not those expensive Under Armour boxer-briefs. What a waste. No, the new you is way more frugal with his money, seeing as he’s paid so little of it. The new you doesn’t even think that much about clothes, or fashion.

This must be a lot to handle. Maybe I should have a little mercy on you.

Tell you what. I’ll let you choose your underwear. How’s that, pal? That make you feel any better? Nod once for yes.

See, I’m not that bad. That’s right. So, here. You can choose…Hanes, or Fruit of the Loom?

Oh, I see. You thought I meant what kind of underwear. Haha, no. You’ll be wearing tighty-whities from now on. Sorry, them’s the rules. Besides, you won’t need much support…down there, if you catch my drift!

Don’t look so horrified. You won’t even notice that it’s gone. Mostly. You’ll still have some length, just, you know, not a lot. You won’t be able to call it a “cock” or a “dick” ever again, either. Oh, look how cute – you’re blushing just hearing me say it! You might call it something else, like your ding-a-ling, or your wiener.

Okay, okay, I can tell you’re getting embarrassed, you’ve gone all red and blotchy in your cheeks. We don’t have to talk about the … “no-no place” anymore, little buddy.

All right. Here’s your glasses. I’ll just set them on your nose, for you…there. Wow, they sure do make your eyes look tiny!

I can tell you’re getting near to the end of the process, and I’m curious to see how big your two front teeth have gotten. From that bump in your upper lip…gosh, it looks like you might be giving Bugs Bunny a run for his money!

You’ve really been behaving better, so I’ll bring you a mirror, okay? So you can see for yourself. I must say, it’s already quite the improvement. I wasn’t expecting your hair to turn so red, or get so curly. Maybe if you can’t get a job at Best Buy, you could run away and join the circus as a clown!

I’m just horsing around with you, pal. Don’t pass out on me. You promise not to scream? I hate it when they scream. Nod once for yes.

You’re a little excited, aren’t you? It’s okay. You can tell me. I bet you get a little more excitable than you used to. Maybe you even get a little clumsy, with the loss of all that hand-eye coordination. Trip over your own two feet and go sprawling.

But who knows. There’s so much potential.

And you’re just the beginning, too. Let’s just say that my proposal for introducing you to the process wasn’t well-received by Central. What do they know? They have this power, and they don’t use it. Well, you snooze, you lose, by golly! If you have a gift, you use it, otherwise it goes to waste.

Anyway. Enough of the supervillain speech. You don’t need to know anything more. It’ll probably be wiped out in the massive crush of nerdy trivia about Star Trek and Star Wars that’s going to download into your brain soon, anyway.

So, this is it. Are you ready to see? Nod once for yes, and I’ll pull the cloth off this mirror here.

Alrighty, dweeb, you asked for it. Here goes.

Say salutations to the new you!

[END TRANSCRIPT]

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ginkgomoon · 4 years ago

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Victor’s Mercury Retrograde Call- Analysis

Saw this particular call and was inspired to do an analysis into what Mercury retrograde is and especially on what Victor’s views on these types of concepts are. Mercury retrograde happens tomorrow on the 29th to June 22rd. So I’d thought it would be fitting to post this beforehand. (And maybe foreshadow upcoming content....) Please enjoy! ❤️

Mercury

Mercury is the communication planet. It also talks about short distance travelling, governing your thirst for knowledge, your wit, negotiating skills, logic and rationality. In the Solar System, it’s the smallest planet (rip Pluto, you're still a planet to me) as well as one of the hottest. The name came from the Roman god Mercurius- the god of commerce, mediator for mortals and messenger of the gods.

Retrograde (Rx)

By definition, “retrograde” means that a planet is moving backwards in the sky. Really, it’s just an optical illusion. It comes from the Latin word “retogradus” meaning “backward step”. As planets orbit the Sun faster than Earth, they sometimes overtake our planet. This is what causes the retrograde motion to occur, making it looks like the planet is moving backwards from our view on Earth.

When planets are in retrograde in astrology, this means that we are stalling in the proceedings of the planet and the energies turn into itself, feeling the effects of one another deeply and more intensely. It can be shy, awkward, but can also progress great depth depending where the placement of it is in your chart.

What is Mercury Retrograde?

Mercury is the most well-known planet that goes into retrograde, normally occurring three to four times a year. Since Mercury rules communication, technology and rationality, people are often fearful when it is in retrograde as it’s known (and blamed) for various disruptions and misunderstandings to occur. But it’s so much more than just that.

When Mercury in retrograde occurs- just like the start of tomorrow, Mercury stops moving backwards on it’s cosmic path reminding us to do the same. This all relates back to the rule of as above, so below. This means whatever happens within our solar system will ultimately affect us here on Earth. (For example, the moon governs our emotions, and since our body is approximately 70% water, why wouldn’t the moon affect us too? But it’s not just us, it’s the moon’s gravitational pull on the oceans, in the same sense, it’s also the moodiness you may feel during full moons!)

Mercury in retrograde gets us to pause our own endeavours in its jurisdiction and review, reassess and clean up what no longer serves us. People from the past may show up, situations can repeat itself and things that have been lost may turn up again. Repressed issues, emotions or situations will come back and we’re forced to deal with them no matter what, requiring us to come up with new resolutions to old problems.

Victor’s Call

Victor: What was that message you just cancelled? MC: Oh sorry about that, I just sent it to the wrong person. Victor: I saw my name. It was about me, wasn’t it? MC: What? No, you must be seeing things! Victor: Really? Was I seeing things too when I saw all the incorrect data and typos in your report? MC: Sorry, I’ll revise that and I’ll have it to you first thing in the morning. Victor: As inept as you are, you never made such basic mistakes such as sending the wrong email or messing up data. What’s wrong with you lately? MC: I don’t know... just have been feeling really off, like I can’t do anything right. Victor: What was that? MC: Oh sorry, I shouldn’t be saying this to you. Victor: Didn’t you complain before about me not being a good listener? I’m listening now. MC: That’s okay save you listening for someone else. Victor: You might as well see you to my face if it’s me you’re going to complain about. MC: No, not complaints, more like constructive criticism you don’t mind, do you? Victor: If I minded, you wouldn’t have this chance. MC: Well, I’ve been in a terrible mood lately and with all this pressure from you... Victor: Terrible mood? Why? MC: Probably because Mercury is in retrograde. Victor: Mercury in retrograde? What the heck is that. MC: That’s when the planet Mercury... never mind, you won’t understand anyway. Victor: Don’t try to cover up for your inability to explain things. MC: Simply put that things happen with Mercury is in retrograde, all right? Victor: So you’re saying... Cosmic events have thrown your mood and work quality out of whack? MC: It may sound unbelievable but it’s true. It affects many people. Recently, my bracelet came somehow undone, I dropped my phone in the sink and just now I was tripped. Let’s not mention work. I don’t even know how I made the errors you pointed out. Victor: Are you sure it’s not because... MC: No, not because I was stupid but because... how do I put it... supernatural forces. It’s like an unseen hand leading you down the road of calamity. Victor: That retrograde stuff it’s all in your head. If you’re feeling unlucky that’s exactly what happens. Just like if you don’t think you can do the job. Don’t be late around by negative thoughts. If you’re truly struggling, take some time off if you feel overwhelmed, cut back on your workload. Oh and please feel free to call me to offer criticisms during Mercury’s retrograde.

Analysis

I did birth chart readings for Kiro and Gavin previously so before anything, I did a little check in on Victor’s birth chart and… wow. I was expecting to see some strong Earth/Capricorn placements, but I didn’t expect to see so many. This man has 5 planets in Capricorn! This means the Victor is dominantly Capricorn ruled- in most of his inner (main) planets as well.

This is relevant because this may influence how he views the concepts of astrology, which enforces the reasons why he doesn’t believe in it and relies on physical/ logic-based evidence, instead. This is compared to Gavin for example, who doesn’t have so many Earth dominant placements and he is all in about astrology and astronomy. But of course, this shouldn’t apply to everyone as other surrounding planets, placements and variables play a huge part in contributing to form their own opinions about these topics.

However, with Victor's dominant Capricorn placements, this manifests his disinterest and dishonesty for Mercury retrograde (and these types of concepts in general), refusing to believe in an idea or thing existing where there’s no physical evidence supporting it. Because to Earth placements, it’s more so the hard work, dedication and effort you put into something that creates the end result, more over a something that you can’t see.

In the call, MC is clearly not in the right mood to argue with Victor and knows that he wouldn’t believe her anyway.

Victor: Mercury in retrograde? What the heck is that. MC: That’s when the planet Mercury... never mind, you won’t understand anyway. Victor: Don’t try to cover up for your inability to explain things. MC: It may sound unbelievable but it’s true. It affects many people. Recently, my bracelet came somehow undone, I dropped my phone in the sink and just now I was tripped. Let’s not mention work. I don’t even know how I made the errors you pointed out. Victor: Are you sure it’s not because... MC: No, not because I was stupid but because... how do I put it... supernatural forces. It’s like an unseen hand leading you down the road of calamity. Victor: That retrograde stuff it’s all in your head.

Victor, MC is just understating the effects of Mercury retrograde. In fact, what MC experienced is probably one of the most mundane things that someone could think of when writing about what happens during retrograde- due to of its true complexity, it's rather hard to write about, perhaps. Though, I’m still incredibly appreciative that they included it in the game. Even more than once!

During Mercury retrograde, some good ideas are to double check your emails before sending them, to wait a bit more rather than sign a major contract, and have backups of whatever you need. (I’m literally backing up my drafts as we speak.) Don’t be afraid of Mercury retrograde because it’s here to help our growth, not to delay it. Ironic, but true!

This year, I was contemplating whether I would starting on posting Tumblr and finally started the day the first Mercury retrograde ended. So, always not a bad thing from the results of retrograde!

#mlqc #love and producer #恋与制作人 #mr love queens choice #mlqc translation #mlqc analysis #mlqc cn #mlqc en #mlqc victor #victor

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justanotherpersonsuniverse · 3 years ago

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Demon Alya AU: Half a Soul

Okay, maybe third time’s the formatting charm? I apologize for submitting this three times, but the formatting failure is something I’m taking a little personally.

——

Max raised an eyebrow at what his classmate was saying. “You want me to barter my ‘soul’ for ‘safekeeping’?”

“Well… basically,” Juleka admitted.

“I must admit this is a novel approach. Usually when I come across ‘sell your soul’ scams, they’re promising things like wealth, power, intellect, or greater sexual endowments. This is the first I have heard of someone wanting my ‘soul’ for the purpose of keeping it ‘safe’. I feel a need to ask why.”

“Yeah, those things were probably scams, just not in the way you thought… Basically, there’s a… demon… that has targeted our class with the intent to take their souls through bargain or trickery and make them into her slaves. My… benefactor… and I want to stop her.”

“And you concluded that the best way to prevent her from getting our ‘souls’ was if you already had them.”

“In a nutshell.”

“Such an action would be in character with what I have observed of you in the past, presuming your portrayal of the situation is accurate. However, I shall first need proof that souls exist and can be taken to even consider this agreement possible. If you can provide such proof, I shall of course have further questions on the mechanics behind such a thing.”

“Yeah, we figured. You doubt the existence of souls and refuse to use the term even as hyperbole, which makes it that much harder to trick you out of yours. The problem is the demon we’re worried about is apparently very good at pushing people’s buttons without getting caught and we don’t have the time to do this subtly. So… we’ve prepared a demonstration if you can promise to keep everything discreet.”

“Very well, let me get Markov to record this for my own records and review.”

“I hope you understand that this information is very… sensitive.”

“I will instruct Markov to engage ‘client confidentiality’ protocols. No one but us will know what transpires here.”

——

Alya tried not to squirm as Max seemed to dissect her entire explanation with his gaze.

“You’re claiming that Marinette managed to unknowingly cause a literal demon to pull a Heel-Face Turn simply by being a good friend?”

“Er…” Alya fidgeted. “Yes?”

Max nodded. “I find this imminently plausible.”

“You do?”

“Of course. Marinette is one of the friendliest people I know. If anyone could redeem a literal demon of Hell through the power of friendship, it would be her.”

“So you agree to, er, loan us your soul for safekeeping until it is safe for us to return it?”

“If you can provide sufficient evidence for the existence of a soul and your ability to collect it, I will agree to a 24-hour trial basis with Markov monitoring me. If Markov detects any significant negative deviation in my demeanor by the time my soul is returned at the end of this agreed timeframe, the deal is off. If this is completed successfully, we will discuss further terms at that time.”

“That’s my cue,” Juleka said. “Alya, I agree to relinquish my soul to you in exchange for its return in an unaltered state ten seconds later.”

“Agreed,” Alya accepted as she plunged her hand into Juleka’s chest and withdrew an orb the size of a billiard ball that swirled with purples, indigos, and a streak of solid brilliant golden light.

“Fascinating.”

Alya then began tickling it.

“Hey!” Juleka protested as she fought against the giggles this action induced. “S-stop that!”

“Nope! Mine for five more seconds!”

Five seconds later, after much uncontrollable laughter on Juleka’s part, Alya put her soul back and turned to Max. “Is that proof enough?”

“While I still have my doubts, it is good enough for now. I will agree to you taking custody of my soul for precisely 24-hours after which it will be returned. I will make no other conditions and instead judge your intentions - as recorded and analyzed by Markov - by what you do with such open-ended permissions. If Markov judges that I am in any way compromised by your possession of my soul, the it shall be Markov who decides whether to accept or reject any further deals between me or any other demon.”

“Wait, would that even work?” Juleka asked.

“I’m honestly not sure,” Alya admitted. “I don’t think anyone downstairs ever considered third party involvement in soul deals before… I guess we’ll find out together?”

“I suppose in the interest of mutual discovery we must proceed as-is.”

“Guess so,” Alya said as she stuck her hand into Max’s chest and tugged.

And tugged.

And tugged some more.

All to no effect.

“What seems to be the matter?”

“Your soul is… stuck,” Alya finished lamely before withdrawing her hand from Max’s chest in defeat.

“Stuck.”

“Forgive me,” Juleka interjected, “but how does a soul get ‘stuck’?”

“It doesn’t! Shouldn’t! It’s like… like half his soul just isn’t there!”

“You are saying that you can’t take my soul because half of it is already gone? That makes no sense.”

“No, it’s… You can’t just ‘take’ someone’s soul. Their soul is literally them in basically every way that counts. A person’s soul is bound to them as strongly as anything can be bound to anything. To take it, you either have to get the person to voluntarily relinquish that bond (whether they realize it or not) or you have to get them to commit a sin that is contrary to their sense of self to ‘loosen’ the bond (it helps if the sin is aligned to your demonic essence). It can actually get pretty nuanced because virtuous people are harder to convince to sin, while habitual sinners need a comparatively bigger sin to ‘knock their soul loose’. Having just half your soul means that the rest is anchored somewhere else, which means that I would need to loosen THAT bond as well before it will go anywhere!”

“What I’m hearing is that our… other demon… isn’t going to have any more luck taking Max’s soul that we are.”

“Well, yeah, but I just don’t understand!” Alya threw her hands in the air. “I mean, I’ve heard of this kind of thing, but it’s so rare it’s like an infernal urban legend! Sure you get artists ‘putting their soul into their work’ all the time, but that’s like a sliver at most! Something barely missed and easily restored in a week tops with a halfway decently healthy lifestyle! The number of people who can fully dedicate that much of their soul to ANYTHING are almost unheard of, and the side effects would have been debilitating! Forget the effort you put into your video games, this would have had to be on the level of a magnum opus the likes of which could never be repeated in your lifetime and involving an effort that would have nearly killed you!”

“Max was hospitalized from acute exhaustion after completing my construction and programming,” Markov supplied. “He was placed on three months of required bed rest and fluids before he was declared fit to return to school and was on a strict enforced sleep and rest schedule for a year before doctors proclaimed him fully recovered.”

Alya, Juleka, and Max all blinked.

“I recall that. I remember feeling like it had all been worth it because you were completed.”

“I too am grateful to have been completed.”

“Yeah,” Alya admitted after a moment, “that would probably do it.”

------------

third time's the charm i suppose.

#submission

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wisteria-lodge · 3 years ago

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burnt snake primary + bird secondary [model?]

Hi! I have been aware of the Sorting system for a long time now but I always get stuck in typing myself. I was wondring if you could shed some light on the process.

If we go by what I score at the test, it's usually a tie between Snake and Lion primary (most likely Bird last) and Bird/Badger secondary (most likely Lion last).

Internal primary / Built secondary, I can work with that.

If we go by the "favorite characters" test then most of them are Snake primary and/or Bird secondary. I also have found that Lion doesn't exactly mess well with me, most character with a Lion anything get on my nerves but that's not a constant.

Fictional lions can be exaggerated in a way that works as a power fantasy for real lions... but I’m mostly just interested to see if the ‘favorite character’ test works out.

I've also come to realise in real life that i absolutely hate deception or betrayal especially if it comes from someone I trust/close to me.

I mean... is there anyone who is like ‘yes, I’m totally cool with people I trust betraying me.’

I also have an issue with loyalty and honesty both so I can understand why Snake/Lion is tied for my primary. My issue with Snakes is that I don't think I have this "no matter what" support. I bond with people a lot but if they don't treat me right I will push back, I will cry, I will tell them off

Snakes might have more trouble than Lions when it comes to breaking with people who mistreat them... and they might feel more conflicted and “sticky” afterwards, since being loyal to people is the base of their morality. But they will absolutely do it.

Think about a Lion changing their mind versus a Bird changing their mind. They both *do* it, but since a Bird has access to all the levels of their system, it’s all very consciously constructed, and they’re used to poking at it - change isn’t usually *that* big of a deal.

But I’m a Lion. If I’m going to change my mind, I need to smacked over my head with the lesson, usually multiple times (although I’m getting better about that...) I’m going to have a mini existential crisis (those things clear out the cobwebs.) And then I’ll be emotionally recalibrated. Snakes are internal primaries just like Lion, so their process is more like that. Dropping people is hard and emotional and sticky, but when they are dropped they are dropped. Badgers, since their *reasons* for whether or not they are responsible for someone are much clearer and more accessible, have an easier time writing people off.

if I don't get the level of intense I'm looking for I will translate that as "not caring enough" and I'll break up or if that's not possible for whatever reason i'll be miserable.

You certainly want to get Snake loyalty directed at you, and if you don’t get it, you’re miserable. And the fact that something like that would make you miserable... is making me think Snake. This is very Snake-flavored angst.

A huge sourse of pain in my life had been some things that happened with my father that I translated as him probably loving himself more than me. I always see that Snakes stay loyal to their close ones no matter what and I'm like: why would I stay unwavering to someone that hurts me?

You wouldn’t. You shouldn’t. No one should.

I didn't abandon my dad when he was sick but I'm pretty sure I was Burned and resnting him 24/7 (sorry for the heavy stuff).

Being a caregiver is INCREDIBLY hard (there’s a reason you can hire people to do it, and they’re payed so well.) Being a caregiver to a family member is even harder, and being a caregiver to a family member who’s hurt you is probably one of the hardest things a human being can do. It’s really, really not unusual at all to resent the sick person, and you should not feel guilty about it.

You also mention that Snakes understand other Snakes when they put their loved ones first and maybe in real life I do it but I have a huge example of me watching a Snake primary character not cutting off his love interest when she was awful to him from my perspective (emotional manipulation, choosing others before him, rejecting him, generally not loving him) and being LIVID about it.

I guess what I would say to you... is that even though the other primaries show their love differently, it does not mean they love any less intensely. A Badger choosing someone in need instead of you does not mean they are *not* loving you.

Generally I tend to prefer couples that have things in common and two Snake primaries together will most likely be my favorites, most of my ships are like that.

There is something very attractive about two Snakes in a relationship together, but remember that all these different primaries and secondaries do balance each other out. I tend to think that *exact* house matches make unfortunate romantic pairings. They re-enforce each other’s negative traits, get too extreme, and sometimes get stuck because they’ve only got the one way to approach, and solve a problem.

I have been very adamant about my friends not giving manipulative people the 'get go' to do whatever they want with them because I can see the indiference and the manipulation.

Manipulation is a problem solving strategy, indifference is a motive. They’re not the same thing.

I get mad when they don't listen to me eventhough I turn out to be right. Most of the times I have cut off people from my life is the reason I said preiously, that I don't think they give as much support as I do to them and they end up after a point on my "I don't need you in my life anymore" list.

I’m starting to think you’re a Burnt Snake. You are clearly Snake, and you want to distribute Snake loyalty to the people around you. But it doesn’t feel safe (probably because of baggage left over from your dad - he hurt you, so you’re scared that they will too.) So you’re hyper sensitive to anything that doesn’t feel like the most extreme devotion. And just like a Burnt Badger rejecting people preemptively, before they have a chance to fail them... you’re rejecting people because it hurts less than them rejecting you.

I think Lion gets up high because I can understand the need for following a 'cause' but in my case it's not exactly a moral cause, it's simply that I always wanted to be an actress and generally expand my knowledge on cinema/TV/theatre so I studied it. I wanted to be succesful in my job and get better and better and better. I am interested in prizes but only if they come as a recognition of my skillset (if that makes sense). I always thought that people were my priority even though the goal of achieving my dreams was always guiding me but as I grow older I'm not so sure anymore. I just know I couldn't be walking through life all alone.

This sounds like a Snake with no people (who wants people.) Without people, Snakes take care of themselves, and that often look likes job, money, prizes. (It’s where the old stereotype of “ambitious” comes from.)

When I was thinking about what I wanted to do for a living, I wanted something that would wake me up in the mornings and make me feel that my time at a job won't be wasted.

As do we all.

But I also needed for everything to be a real job, not charity for the "cause" eventhough I have worked A LOT just because I love doing some things and not ony to get paid. But I guess these things are fueled by my love and I don't see them as "profession" per se.

People? Until in we live in the Star Trek socialist utopia, you need to be paid for the work you do. Even if you’re working for a charity and even if you’re doing something you love.

Another pointer towards Lion is that I do identify with the thinking of systems and how they play a part in people's lives and how they should be changed. But I'm not sure I always did this. I think I've been Burned as well at some point (not sure if I still am) so that makes things difficult.

Yeah, you’re Burned. And sometimes Burnt Snakes will latch onto a Lion Cause, the same way that Burnt Lions will latch onto an individual’s morality. That’s actually pretty common.

The secondary thing is pretty simple imo, I think I'm a Bird but I might be Burned? I don't know if that "useful/fun" situation makes a difference for me because I always think that whatever I have collected is actually useful to me and if I got new skills, they would be useful to me as well at some point.

I don't know what else to write really, I think it's quite a lot to read already. If you have an inclination about my type I'd like to hear your opinion.

You haven’t talked at all about how you solve problems. Which might relate to burning, or it might not. But if you tend to collect skills and tools, that’s at least a Bird secondary model. <3

#sortinghatchats #sortme #wisteria sorts #snake primary #burnt snake primary #snake pri

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floatingbook · 4 years ago

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On men, male-partnered ‘feminists’, and logic

- A lesbian perspective. (09/11/2020)

Just so we are clear about terms here, women are adult human females. Men are adult human males. Feminism is a movement fuelled by theory aimed at women’s liberation. Liberation means that we have to be liberated from something. If you have eyes and ears and are reading this, you are probably aware that women are consistently discriminated against on the basis of their sex by men and the institutions they have built and perpetuate, by among others (not an exhaustive list) of sexual assault and rape, control over our bodies and their reproductive capacities, theological lowering, persecution of lesbians, diminished economic and financial prospects, prostitution, pornography, the enforcing of strict norms over our existences, or plain murder. Men are doing this to us. Men are the problem we face if as women we want to live our lives free from oppression.

So why would women who are well aware of the source of our continued misery (men, if you needed a reminder) still want to date men? In the world we live in, there is no man devoid of misogyny (and if there was one, he would not be dating you, he would be spending all his waking hours trying to reform his fellow men, as anything less given the state of things is misogyny). So if a woman wants to date a man, knowing what she knows about men being constant oppressors of women, she has to not care about his misogyny. She knows, and yet she says “I don’t mind”, “It’s not enough of a deal-breaker”. How do you set the bar as to the level of misogyny you will tolerate? Is it enough if he doesn’t beat and rape you? Don’t you mind having to clean up after him all the time, being expected to do all the dishes, gaining no financial independence beyond some support as long as he tolerates you, his consumption of porn, his potential molestation of your hypothetical children? Is it fine if he is only a misogynist to other women and not you, talking over his female colleagues, doing nothing about the skewered wage gap in his favour, never voting for a woman in elections, saying nothing when other men are being predators? How do you make peace with the fact that you are reinforcing men’s expectation of a sexual partner and, quite often, maid as something they deserve just by being alive and breathing men? How do you enter into a partnership with a man knowing that in doing so, you’re upholding the patriarchal mean of control that is marriage, meant to pass women from father to husband as pieces of property, an institution that will do its best to sever your links to other women? No man is special; no man is free of misogyny.

How do you call yourself a ‘radical feminist’ and say that male-attracted women shouldn’t be expected not to date, partner with or marry men, if we ever are to achieve women’s liberation? What is your logic? Are you saying that women cannot be expected to survive without regular sex? In which case, how can you then tell ‘incels’ that they are not entitled to a woman’s body? Because your logic then is that sex is a need. Or are you saying that women can have no life without a man`? In that case, why are you even concerned by women’s liberation? By your logic, it would kill all male-attracted women. Or are you saying that women can have no fulfilling life without a man? In that case, maybe talk to all the celibate male-attracted women who are celibate because they have realised that men are nothing but a danger to us, or to any celibate woman really. Our lives are good. Plus, do you see how reductive that reasoning is? You can have a perfectly fine and happy and fulfilling life without tying yourself up to a man. You are a full person in your own right. You don’t need a man in your life to have succeeded at at the game called existence. Especially given the circumstances and the fact that any men will likely make your life worse.

So if you know, why do you insist that choosing to date men is anything other that a negative choice for yourself and the women around you? Sure, we don’t make our choices in a vacuum, and for most women that means never questioning the logic behind dating men. But we also don’t make our choices in a vacuum, and that means that if you do know what your decision entails, you are supporting misogyny and patriarchy by dating men. Heterosexual partnerships are not neutral relationships in the world we live in. Because in most countries, and certainly for most of the women reading this, women can now have their own finances and are no longer forced into marriages to survive. What is your excuse? Because, while you would not be to blame if a man abused you, if you are aware of the danger, you should act to prevent that danger of harming you. Think of it like vaccines; the probability that you will ever encounter some of the diseases we get vaccinated against are extremely low, but we still get vaccinated to prevent harm. Maybe he won’t abuse you, maybe he won’t be an overt misogynist to you, but he will still be a misogynist. So why risk it? Why? What’s your logic, when you’re on the other hand pretending to want women’s liberation?

Note, before anyone starts clowning, that lesbians criticising heterosexual partnerships in relation to women’s oppression are not advocating for male-attracted women to date us instead or being jealous because they are single. We are tired of the constant misogyny and homophobia in our lives and are trying to do something about it.

#on men #on male-partnered so-called 'feminists'#on logic #women's liberation #a lesbian perspective #why do you keep insisting that your man is more important than women's liberation?#none of our choices are devoid of consequences #we don't live in a vacuum #the personal is eminently political when it comes to partnering with men #you don't need men

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chaniters · 3 years ago

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Intermission

Cyrus agrees to modify Riley's feelings, gets confronted by her, then remembers some of his worst moments at the farm and discovers Ortega's Epilepsy. All in the same evening. TW Suicidal thoughts. TW Motorbike accident. ------------------------ “Are you sure you want me to do this?” you ask, hoping he’ll change his mind.

The look in his eyes tells you he won’t take no for an answer on this.

“Please don’t get cold feet on me now Cyrus. You already told me you’d do it...”

“Yes, I did… Fine. I’ll do it. Whatever.” you shrug as he stops the bike.

The mansion is far from the city. A little spot of private heaven, paid for with taxpayer dollars by the look of it. The Carters have been in politics for long, and public officials are often very rich in Los Diablos’ corporate government.

You can’t help feeling out of place here. Every time you’ve been at a place like this, you were wearing a disguise, maybe a junior janitor, bellboy, or waiter. Always an extra layer of protection to keep people from looking at you.

But coming here in a hero suit, drawing everyone’s eyes?

That’s… something.

The door opens as you approach, with who you assume to be Riley walking outside, a wide smile on her face.

“Ric, so glad you stopped by...!”

“Sorry I didn’t call first, I was in the area and…-”

“And you wanted to apologize for what you said last time! It’s ok silly, I forgive you!

” she says, wrapping her arms around him and giving him an intense kiss that he doesn’t seem to be returning, not that it's stopping her, with her hand going lower and onto his butt.

“Rye, I just wanted to … Rye… Rye, I didn't come to apologize. I told you it's over… we need to talk...” he keeps trying to talk through the awkward kiss.

“I know you didn't mean it!" she laughs "Come on, say it! You missed me!”

“Rye… please cut it out...”

“Hmm.. now why would I do that…”

This is new. You’d have never expected to see Ortega look so helpless...

You imagine this would be what Anathema calls cringe.

She pauses as she opens her eyes, noticing you standing right there, staring at them. Her smile suddenly loses its intensity, looking just like something that’s splattered on her face.

“Oh. And you brought Sidestep.”

“Hello” you wave, trying to fit into the awkward moment, extending your hand.

“Hi. Riley Carter pleased to meet you” she replies, putting herself back together and letting Ricardo recover his breath. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“He’s my ride,” you point at Charge. He’s the culprit here, not you. Her mind is far too intense, and this is going to be hell…

“Like I said, Riley… I need to talk to you about something. Something important.” Ortega says, his voice more serious now.

Coward. Is that another reason he brought you, to rescue him? “Oh” Riley seems to have finally paid attention to what he was saying. “I’ll give you two some space,” you say, returning to the bike. Ortega looks alarmed by you leaving, but you have enough range that you don’t need to be right next to her to do it.

You lean on the motorbike, taking some chewing gum from your pocket as they start walking around the gardens, your mind following hers, and the conversation from her end. Ricardo tells her about the last events, how Psychopathor managed to assemble a tank in prison and blow the walls in his escape, the clash that happened afterward, and how some heroes and villains ended in the hospital. Or dead, like Darkfist, and Dr. Incredible who were vaporized in a plasma blast when the tank exploded. He then goes over the investigation that determined it was built using nano-construction techniques, and how the only portable device available for something like that was in the rangers HQ before it got stolen, without anyone knowing who told the thief it would be there. The trail ends with her... She stops him there, asking what does any of that has to do with her, asking him if he’s accusing her of something so ridiculous. Shouts at him that she didn’t know about any of it, and that’s when he decides to bring it out to show her. The bug that was placed in his communicator. The expensive, unique bug that was made to blend with his insulated tech. The bug that could only have been placed by someone really close to him… A pause in her mind. Hesitation…

She denies it. He insists. He tells her Steel had everyone’s hardware analyzed and only his costume was affected… and that there was only one person he had left the costume with.

That’s when she breaks. She tells him how she got tricked, how someone she met at a party told her he was cheating on her. How they told her where to get the bug… how to apply it… He yells at her, and you begin to feel like perhaps you shouldn’t be watching this, you shouldn’t be listening in…

But he wants to know, and you said you’d do it, so you stay hooked to her thoughts, like a parasite, feeling emotions you’ve never experienced herself. Guilt. Remorse. Shame.

She tells him she’s so sorry, that she didn’t mean for this to happen, that it’s all her fault… She starts crying, apologizing, asking him not to leave her…

Thinking she should kill herself.

The thought doesn’t get said out loud, but is so intrusive and enforced by so many negative memories that you have to block it out, pull out of her mind, run away, hide inside your own thoughts and lock down your shields so it doesn’t follow. You got the answer he wanted, so you can go back to feeling like the little guy chewing gum by the motorbike. But you’re crying too now. You’ve heard similar thoughts before, but not without the drug cocktails they gave you. Not without a team of specialists helping you scrub your mind of awful thoughts you took from people.

Your trainers told you plenty of times that humans get too emotional about their partners, and that you should stay clear of such thoughts. You should have listened. Now that you had a taste, you can tell they were right because It’s terrifying.

You open your eyes to see Ortega hugging her as she keeps weeping.

Blinking doesn’t make it go away.

Why? Wasn’t he angry at her a moment ago? You can’t understand it...

But you have to go in again.

You agreed to do this, and the answer was only half of it. You can’t walk back now…

Can’t help asking yourself again why did you agree to this...

Gathering all your strength, you focus and plunge deep into her thoughts once again.

It’s terrifying in there, like a building that’s falling apart, only held together by Ortega’s arms, or at least that’s what she thinks. She thought they would get married. She thought they would have children.

SHIT.

It’s getting to you, like a flood, and you’re drowning under it…

Is this love? Why can’t I be without him? Why does it hurt so much?

She doesn’t know, and you have no clue about these questions. “ Have you ever been in love?” She asks.

“No. I haven’t” you reply, because she’s right there. She can sense you now because you’re lost, and your training is useless here.

“But you have,” she says, pulling one of your own memories. One that you locked deep below, where it would never see the light of day. “You were in love and you made him go away.”

“ Stop. That’s not true! ” “ You loved him and you made him go away because you were afraid. And now you are going to make me go away because he is afraid. Afraid of me. ” This shouldn’t be happening. She shouldn’t be able to hurt you like this! But she isn’t… she’s just making you remember… You’re the one hurting yourself.

“ Oh my god, he’s such a coward … so you’re going to do it, no? ” she asks, bitter and relentless.

“ I told him I would,” you reply, elevating yourself above the flood that is her defense. Regaining control. Out of her grasp. “ Then do it,” she asks. “ Make me stop hurting .” Standing tall now, you can look down and see that the demons in her mind are many… Ortega is wrong. How is this going to help at all? “ DO IT, YOU FUCKING COWARD !” she dares you. “ DO IT !” The waters begin rising, trying to drown you again, but you’re ready this time, holding her back. burning deep, modified thoughts into her mind.

Turning her love to indifference. Annoyance to hatred. Breaking down her image of Ricardo to pieces, and scattering them through the waters, where they’ll never get put together again.

How far can you go?

Not much, you can sense an incoming migraine, a hard stop to your powers.

You keep going as much as you dare and then erase your own presence as well. Just like they trained you, replacing your thoughts with a tired rage aimed at the horrible boyfriend that made her cry.

You retreat for the second time, feeling your head hurting as never before. Your pain gate is no use, there’s no stopping it once it’s already inside the brain.

With a last effort, you awaken her, bringing her back to reality.

She stops weeping immediately, pushing him away, staring in shock.

What have you done?

You’re tearing up, as she looks at him with eyes that show no little recognition, before muttering a curse, telling him to get off her father’s property and going back inside, leaving him alone at the footsteps.

Why did you do this again?!

It made sense last time. You would have been discovered and reprogrammed. He wouldn’t stop having feelings for you. It was wrong.

So you reprogrammed him yourself because you couldn’t bear them doing that to him… NO!

No, you were just trying to save yourself. There’s nothing else to it.

Why did you do it again this time? Just because he asked? He’s not your handler! You know that.

Should have said no… why agree? You don’t have an answer.

His eyes are reddened as he gets closer, and by the look on his face that he’s equally shaken.

“Let’s go,” he says, without another word. You’re too weak to argue, and so you sit behind him, as he starts the engine, speeding you both away

________________________________________

The Carter mansion soon disappears in the distance, wind flowing heavily against your suit as Ricardo goes full throttle. Too fast to be able to talk normally, so you switch on your helmet’s intercom.

“We’re going really fast… are you ok?” “No I’m not ok” the reply comes a few seconds later. “Did you get anything?”

“I did,” you reply “Then hit me.” “As far as she knows, she didn’t lie, so they must have manipulated her into planting the bug..” He relaxes slightly as you say that, slowing down the bike. “That’s… good to hear,” he says at last.

“Did you really suspect her of being behind this?”

“Not her. Her father… he’s dirty and…” he sighs. “Mierda. That’s why it’s so hard to be in a relationship, you know? They’ll use anyone against you. They’ll do anything to get an advantage over you.” “She was still spying on you.” you point out. “And you still hugged her after she confessed.”

He doesn’t say anything else for a while, so you focus on the road ahead. It’s dark, and you can’t see much beyond the bike’s light. The city lights shine in the distance, but you still have above an hour to get there.

“Did you do it?” he asks in a shaky voice when you had started to think the rest of the journey would be silent.

“Yes. Yes, I did.” is all you can say.

“Thank you.” he lets out as if this had been a simple favor. Just some mind-trick, like making someone’s gun point the wrong way. Like finding out who’s looking at us…

“How was she?” he asks, not letting it go.

“What do you mean?”

“Her mind… how was it from the inside?”

“It was… I… You know I’m not a shrink, right?”

“Just tell me, Cyrus. Please” Shit.

“It was… bad. Like real bad.”

“How bad?”

You tighten your lips. That isn’t your memory...

“Cyrus, I'm only asking because I want to know if she’s going to hurt herself!”

“I did what you asked! I’m not a shrink, I just changed her feelings! She’ll stop trying to get together with you. That’s all I know!” you repeat, a lot louder this time. “Just answer the fucking question!” Deep breaths. “You don’t get it,” you complain, to no one in particular, because of course, he will never get it. Doesn’t he understand that you don’t want to think about this? It’s her thoughts, not yours, and you want it to stay that way!

“Tell me Cyrus, or we’re going to have a problem.” Your handler’s words coming from his mouth, making your skin crawl. Making you want to throw up.

Tell him. It’ll be easier.

But it’s not easy. The thought is charged with deep shame, now your shame and she rattled your own memories...

“Yes, Ric! Yes, she thinks of it sometimes. She thought of it today when you started yelling at her! Is that what you wanted to hear?!” “Yes.” he croaks through the intercom “Yes, I needed to know,” he says, the life sucked out of his voice.

“Fuck you.” you let out, feeling the beginning of the migraine, overloaded with too much baggage that doesn’t belong to you. “Can you help her with that?”

“FUCK YOU!” you scream louder.

“Cyrus, if you can help her with this then…”

“Help her with this? Listen to yourself!”

“I just want her to stop hurting!”

“And what? You want me to rewrite her into a better person, is that it? Newsflash, I can’t! I can’t handle my own problems and you want me to fix hers?” “But…” “You think I have some fucking magic wand? You don’t know what it’s like! It hurts both ways!” “I just wanted to help…” “FUCK YOU! All you want is to feel better about yourself!” Your head is about to explode, and you’re tearing up under your helmet, your eyes drifting onto the white lines on the road, going one after another in quick, endless succession. Focus on them. That’s safe. You can feel him sigh as you hold on tighter to his skinsuit, feeling him take a curve, with another incoming in the distance or so the signs say.

“Slow down. I want to get off…”

“We’re still far from the city.”

“Do you think I care? Let me off!” “I… I’m…” he’s mumbling erratically, the white lines on the road losing cohesion.

... something’s wrong! Your eyes widen as his hands begin slipping from the handlebar. There’s only a massive surge of static where his mind should be. Not normal, even for him.

“Wait, don’t do that!” You try to wrest control of the handgrips, but you’re not fast enough, and the bike goes sideways on the incoming curve, off the road, and down the cliff.

Down the cliff.

You barely manage to brace for impact, covering your head during the fall, bumping and rolling several times until you land on your stomach, the bike falling next to you. You stay there, immobile for a few seconds, internalizing what just happened. Wondering if this is where you die…

The question lingers until you struggle to sit up, finding you are still pretty much in one piece. Taking off your helmet reveals it’s cracked on several spots.

Shit.

Standing up is a chore, but your pain gate hasn’t activated. The suit must have spared you the worst, it would seem.

“Charge?” you ask, looking around in the darkness. The motorbike’s nearby, and you walk towards it, struggling to get it back to a standing position. You maneuver the wheel to point the light around, looking for him in the direction of his static, until you find him lying on his back.

You leave the light pointing at him as you get closer. “Are you ok?!” you ask, but there’s no answer. His neck is trembling, as are his hands, emitting pitiful noises… You try to hold him down, but a bolt of electricity almost catches your hand. It takes a moment before you remember that your suit’s gloves should be sufficiently insulated.

You kneel next to him, making sure only the gloves come into contact to take off his helmet, cracked just like yours. Underneath, his face is contorted to the side, trembling and breathing noisily.

“Seizure,” you say, immediately starting to follow the guidelines they implanted in you. Left arm bent to the side and out of the way, right hand on his cheek, right knee raised and bent, and then roll him over on his side, then steady his chin up to clear the airways… That’s about all you can do without getting caught in the current… but what if it doesn’t stop? What if sets his emitters to a higher setting and fries you?

No. That shouldn’t happen, he can’t accidentally change the power setting in this state.

“Breathe. Breathe. Keep breathing” you say, holding his hand, going wildly against yours.

You keep him steady, hoping it does stop, until after two minutes, he finally does, going limp, breathing noisily. His emitters die down too, thankfully.

“Hey…can you hear me?” you ask, tapping his arm.

He can’t, so you repeat the question a few times, waiting. Waiting for him to come back until he finally answers with a quick nod, pressing the hand you’re holding.

It’s a relief to see him coming back to his senses somewhat, but it presents a different challenge because he’s also been in an accident on top of the seizure and you need to check if he’s ok. So you start asking him questions about his arms and legs, getting one-word responses with a delay, as he’s close to non-verbal.

Head hurts. Both arms fine. Chest fine. Right leg fine. Left leg hurts.

Nothing seems broken, which is a relief.

You try your intercom, but the pieces are broken and you can’t reassemble it without tools. You take his helmet but the inside smells burnt, he must have fried it.

“I’ll be right back,” you say, stepping up to drag the motorcycle closer to see what the damage is. That’s when you notice the rear wheel is completely bent.

Great.

“Now this thing has to have a radio…” you begin checking the features “YES! Here!” You kiss the small device, looking for the on the switch to…-

“Wait,” he says, a hand extended towards you.

“Wha… why?”

“They can’t know I had a seizure…”

“You don’t want me to call?”

“Please no,” he asks.

You look at him, finally starting to understand what’s going on…

“You're epileptic!”

“I just missed a few doses! Haven’t had one in years! If you tell them...”

It’s all too clear what would happen. If the media found out the Marshal had a seizure while speeding on the highway...

You keep staring back at him, in shock, before tossing the radio down and sitting back next to him.

“Alright… I won’t call them. It’s ok” you reassure him. “It’s going to be fine.”

He replies with a pained “Thank you”

“I’ll… I’ll fix this. Somehow.” Why are you doing this after what he just pulled on you earlier? Why do you care so much about this asshole?

Why do any of it? The answer comes almost immediately. It seems you’re not THAT dense.

It almost makes you laugh, with the absurdity of it all.

Luckily it takes you less than an hour to get a car to stop to take you back to town convincing the driver that you’re just wearing costumes for a party and crashed on the way. He asked you what kind of party this late at night and Ortega decides to intervene, claiming you’re strippers for a bachelor’s party. That works like a charm, he can make up all the answers he needs in his own mind. Ricardo is silent through the rest of the journey, you don’t know if he’s still recovering or if he simply has nothing else to say. It doesn’t really matter, because you couldn’t be more thankful for it, as the migraine explodes in full force. ____________________________ My Fanfiction: https://chaniters.tumblr.com/post/181692759294/my-fanfiction-for-fallen-hero

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction using characters and the setting of the Fallen Hero: Rebirth and upcoming Fallen Hero: Retribution games written by Malin Riden. I do not claim ownership of any characters from the Fallen Hero world. These stories are a work of my imagination, and I do not ascribe them to the official story canon. These works are intended for entertainment outside the official storyline owned by the author. I am not profiting financially from the creation of these stories, and thank the author for his wonderful game/s, without which these works would not exist. Full fic is on AO3 as well https://archiveofourown.org/works/30292125/chapters/81514135

#FHR #Fallen hero Retribution #Fallen hero Rebirth #Fallen hero fanfiction #Chargestep #Ricardo Ortega #Riley #Fallen hero #Fallen Hero Spoilers

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hiriajuu-suffering · 3 years ago

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Reasons I believe in Polyamory

I’ll preface this by saying I’m not attractive enough to be able to have more than a single partner at once, but there is a reason for that, and really, the thesis of this wall of text below: heteronormative relationship standards in every culture have always been, and will continue to always be, more about possession than love in a post-imperialistic world.

Personally, I’m a huge proponent of engendered sexuality variance to the tone of males have a constant slow drip of libido and a female’s sex drive hits them like a freight train once a month (in mammalian bioepigenetics, this makes sense). I’m inclined to infer, because I’m not idyllically normatively attractive, only a fraction of a percentage of women will be attracted to me 24-27 days of any given month. As a cisgendered man who is regrettably straight, having the least attractive genoethnic identity intersection (South Asian Muslim) in Western culture, I’m never actually presented with the choices to act on a poly mindset (in fact, I would be ridiculed for it because people think it aligns with some other gross tribal stereotype when it couldn’t be further from the truth). In retrospect, I have everything to gain from interpreting the main benefit of an intimate relationship as ownership like heteronormative culture generally does yet I still think disavowing poly as a legitimate personal choice is immoral.

I know saying monogamous relationships are more about possession than love will offend lots of people, so before you throw hate at me for your emotionally defensive skepticism, hear me out. An unflinching, unyielding love is seen as the highest parameter in any type of romance. So why is it cheating is so much of a bigger problem than a dry spell specifically? Is it because it’s legitimately a breach of trust, or is it more about “if I can’t have you, no one can”? More importantly, does it go a step further and say “if I don’t want you, no one should”? To me, any sort of dry spell (whether physically, emotionally, mentally) signifies a much larger breach of trust than simply having been shared because it shows said commitment in the relationship was not unflinching, not unyielding. The monogamous lens looks at others like: I want to have the best partner, not just so that I’m happy, but no one else can receive the specific happiness I get. Doesn’t that whole mindset come off as brutish? Just me? Well, maybe your pitchforks will start coming down when you realize monogamy is a function of toxic patriarchy on both feminine and masculine ends.

There are bioevolutionary reasons for toxic femininity to value the possession aspect of a relationship over its substantive “quality of life” components, the birth-giving gender in any animalistic specie always had to be beheld to a provider they reproduce with. Does it not then represent a sense of feminine fragility when a single mother immediately demands a long-term relationship and nothing else? If I’m to believe said woman is capable of genuine lust in her system, having a child shouldn’t evaporate all carnal desires completely and, therefore, should leave room for compromise. Said stance also indicates she made some sort of error in judgment of her chosen reproductive mate and feels entitled another man ought remedy her strife even though, evolutionarily speaking, he has nothing to gain from helping to rear offspring not of his kin. Harsh, to be sure, but it does show in the obnoxiousness of the connotation of becoming a stepdad being a positive one and becoming a stepmom assumes the motivation of some gain in status (wealth, fame, power, etc.) which I would argue is negative. Where does toxic masculinity come into play? Desire for possession on the part of a male promotes the viability and exclusivity of his own children with his most desirable partner. While that’s damn near nowhere as compelling, it has to be stated because there are always two benefactors to patriarchy. Patriarchy is not a zero sum game, patriarchy seeks to concentrate all familial social benefits in the monogamously-driven, heteronormative genus, away from those who deviate from the ideal picture of stereotypical gender roles. The ill effects of patriarchal standards exist in every human civilization, but the ontological root to the specific brand of patriarchy that oppresses all genders today was spread by a culture that uniquely preached monogamy.

Polygamy, in a historical sense, was a testament to the more status a person of the provider gender could achieve, the more their genetics would proliferate. Many cultures globally practiced this, the issue is, the ones that didn’t were the ones who, often violently, “conquered” the ones that did. Christian fundamentalism is in every fiber of international morality, whether the nation in question believes in Christianity or not is often irrelevant. Monogamy is enforced, anything outside of that is deemed as necessarily being deviant (whether choosing to be alone or choosing more connections than a monocule). Fetishization of the step relation is eluding to this deviance in a not-so-subtle way because it’s something where its allure is derived from its forbiddenness moreso than its convenience, every one of these scenarios has a subtext of implicit gain, not loss, in engagement. Meaning, the idea is planted because a hot person is there not because a person in general is there and can satiate an urge. Tl;dr - we believe polyamory is a morally negative act because the Holy Roman Empire did and every nation that spawned from it spread, imparted, and coerced that ideal on every culture it came into contact with. Before the Holy Roman Empire, no historical documents made distinctions to behest multiple lovers as desanctifying of life itself, not even the coalescing of nations that made up the Holy Roman Empire before its inception.

We are now in an era when women have access to full reproductive control, yet we still see men lust more than women, e.g. archetypal lesbian tendencies versus archetypal gay male tendencies. Do we not question why this is the case? All lifeforms are hardwired with a desire to survive and reproduce, so why does that drive not reach equity when risk does? There are two answers, and it could even be both: women are only socially conditioned to have sex via patriarchal pressures and don’t have as much inherent desire to reproduce OR sex is a means-to-an-end to exclusively possess a desired provider, whatever said person provides. If said person has a trait valuable enough to want to possess, is it not self-contrived to keep that quality to oneself, not share it with the world where it can provide more utility? Heteronormative relationships, in a sense, are anti-altruistic at their very core. As facetious as this sounds, either of these trains of thought are validated by men being more willing to engage in polyamory than women, not because men are somehow any less loyal than women. On its own, I feel this line of reasoning is enough to justify a vehement disgust of polyamory as immoral, but I want to conclude on the most pivotal facet to this conversation and not just heavily imply monogamy encroachment on moral turpitude is problematic at best.

As I mentioned a few times, I am likely to be a spoke on a polycule, not a member with multiple connections. Exclusive possession is something I probably stand more to gain from than any woman, logically and realistically, given the current social climate and general global beauty standards. My advocacy of polyamory stems from me accepting I may not be enough to be the full extent of happiness my romantic interest desires. That doesn’t even come from a place of insecurity, it comes from a place knowing I could never be perfect even if its pursuit is a righteous cause. I see real insecurity as a fear of loss when the rules of engagement you put into place were exclusivity: you don’t want your partner looking at anyone else because it’s disadvantageous to you, meaning you’re not fixated on their best interest and looking at relationships in said manner is deliberately selfish. To me, the best frame of reference to morality in interpersonal social connections is altruism. Yeah, self-love is important and knowing your own boundaries is beneficial but everyone else’s boundaries don’t have to match yours. I’m not anti-monogamist, really. I’m more anti-polyamorist discontent.

Not having thought this deeply isn’t an excuse, either.

#personal #polyamory #polyamourous #polyandry #polycule #polyam life #polyam relationship #polyamourus pride #polyam tag #polyamorous #polyamoury #polyamorus

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