#so many useful tips i have to start writing them down. next post maybe.

[violentdelights-violentendss]

heyo !! could i get dazai, akutagawa, and fyodor with a reader who is super clingy and just overall loves them? like all over them just constantly hugging them and sitting in their lap and squishing their cheeks. just the couples being lovesick 👀👀👀 tysm !

That’s so cute omggggg!!! Here it is!!! I think this might have been slightly less fluffy than what you had wanted, but I hope it’s still okay…. please feel free to request as much as you want, and don’t hesitate to be specific so I don’t fuck anything up 🥹

(I seriously need to try and write more lighthearted stuff. I feel like everything I write is so SERIOUS)

BSD Men With a Super Clingy S/O

In this post: 🍪 Osamu Dazai, Ryonosuke Akutagawa, Fyodor Dostoyevsky 🍪

Synopsis: How would BSD Men react to a super clingy S/O

Ryonosuke Akutagawa

Akutagawa never truly understood why you wanted to be so close to him. The first few times you had grabbed his hand or thrown your arms around him in a hug, it’s as if you had hugged a frozen fish. He didn’t know where to put his hands and you had had to tell him it was okay to hug you back. And after time and time again that you threw yourself in his arms, the cold mafioso started responding quicker, wrapping his arms around you, but he still couldn’t truly believe that you wanted to always be touching him, in some way or another, because you truly loved him. He feared he did it not deserve your happy smiles and warmth. But with your ever-present clinginess, Akutagawa slowly accepted the fact that he was loved.

You huffed, bored, throwing your phone away from you. It bounced on the couch pillows, almost tipping over the edge. You barely even looked at it, your eyes now glued to your boyfriend, Akutagawa, who was sitting next to you, focusing on a book. His light eyes concentrated on the story unfolding in front of him, his mind miles away. Akutagawa was immersed in his novel, that he didn’t notice you crawling towards him, a small smile on your lips.

You slowly laid your head on his thigh, inhaling his sweet and familiar scent that had meant home for you. Akutagawa noticed, but didn’t seem to mind, tentatively placing a hand on your head. You stayed still for a few moments, enjoying the feeling of his long fingers getting lost in your hair.

You soon started craving more physical contact, as you always did, and gave yourself a gentle push forward, now having your torso lie in his lap. Akutagawa only moved his book to the side to glance at you for a second, before he returned to his story: he was used to you being weird.

Once again, you stayed on his lap for some time, counting how many pages Akutagawa flipped. And then, suddenly, you threw yourself up, sitting in his lap and throwing your arms around his shoulders, pressing an avalanche of kisses on his neck.

Akutagawa’s froze, initially, unsure of how to react. His eyes stuck to yours, the silence pressing around you. “What are you doing, (Y/N)?” He asked, staring down at you, his voice harsh. He was somewhat used to you being attached to his hip permanently, always needing to feel his skin on yours, but he still needed some time to adjust. His hands were rigid, frozen, away from your body. You grabbed his stiff arms and wrapped them around your waist.

“I’m cuddling you, what does it look like I’m doing?” You asked, peeking up at him through your lashes. Akutagawa stayed still for a few more interminable seconds, gazing at your loved-filled eyes, before he finally relaxed into your embrace, throwing the book aside. His hug was, initially, tentative, and slowly became stronger, to the point where he was holding you as if his life depended on it.

Akutagawa’s hugs were always like this, and you adored it: it was if he slowly let himself go to the idea of being loved. Yes, you were naturally a clingy person, but you also did it to help Akutagawa’s bruised heart feel all the love he deserved. Maybe the universe, to make up for all the affections he hadn’t received, had sent you and your warm hugs to him. As Akutagawa pressed you tighter against his chest, he could not help the small smile that appeared on his lips.

Osamu Dazai

Dazai was as clingy as you were, sometimes even more than you. He constantly searched for you, holding your hand, or wrapping his arms around you when you two were lying in bed. Anytime he could, he would lift you by the hips and place you snugly in his lap, and keep you there, like a warm koala, as he worked, or well, pretended to work. Whenever you initiated anything, which was almost always, he responded happily: you hugged him first, he hugged you harder. Dazai didn’t want to admit that constantly having to touch you was not only fueled by the disproportionate love he had for you, but also the constant fear that you could be ripped away from him at any moment. Dazai mind also plagued him with the knowledge that you were too good for him; having you constantly search for him, as if he were your oxygen, reassured him more than he would ever admit.

You tried finishing the report you had to hand in by the end of the day, but your mind was just too clouded, and writing a sentence felt like navigating through fog without any guidance. Your eyes kept anxiously sliding down to the clock on your desk: Dazai was coming back from a week-long mission, and you yearned for him. You needed to feel his warmth envelope him in a soul-crushing hug, you needed to feel his cologne, you needed him.

Kunikida, who had been walking past one of the large windows in the ADA office, glanced outside. He turned to look at your hope-filled eyes, and he nodded, a small smile on his usually stoic face.

You stood up so fast your chair toppled over, but you didn’t mind, sprinting down the hallway, almost jumping down the stairs instead of taking the elevator. You threw the front door open, finding Dazai standing there, in all his glory. His warm, brown eyes were tired, and had lost their usual sparkle. But when he saw you, a small smile danced on the corners of his lips. Dazai opened his arms, whispering, “Hello, belladonna.”

You threw yourself in his arms, hiding your face in his neck. “Dazai!” You cried. You felt his bandaged arm fall delicately around your shoulders, pressing you against him. The minute Dazai smelled your sweet perfume, he felt at peace; he knew he was home. The calm he felt when you were squishing him against you in a hug was only proof of what he already knew: you were his North Star, the reason of his existence, the moonlight in his dark life.

Dazai’s head rested against yours, and you could swear was shivering in your arms.

The minute Kunikida called him, leaning from the window, Dazai’s cheerful smile returned with strength, and his tiredness evaporated, his eyes no longer tired, his vulnerability covered by his perpetual joy. He pulled away from you, going to stand underneath the window to chat with his partner, but you knew what he was truly hiding and didn’t let his hand go.

For the rest of the day, you stood next to Dazai, holding his hand or his arm, and when no one was around, you wrapped your boyfriend into hugs, pressing him closer to your heart.

Dazai was used to having some part of his body always be in contact with yours, but today, more than ever, he was thankful that you were clingy, becasue he needed your gentleness and your warmth to not collapse on the ground and start shivering from all the darkness that he hid inside his heart.

After all, your clinginess was his salvation.

Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Fyodor, before meeting you, had never tolerated anyone barging into his personal space. If anyone suddenly touched him, he would make them pay the price of the disrespect tenfold (Nikolai could personally testify to that). But the minute you and your angelic smiles had stepped into his life, he suddenly had to get used to you constantly touching him, for one reason or the other. His personal space was no longer his, it was yours, and, with a small thump in his heart, he realized he didn’t really mind anymore. His cold body craved your warmth, and, of course, he would never, admit how much he adored your hugs, or the way you constantly needed him for such trivial things. Slowly, your ever constant need to be pressed against him has warmed his heart

Fyodor was sitting in front his computers, the blue light shining on his breathtaking eyes. He was concentrated, his fingers flying on the keyboard. You were observing him from the door, having cracked it open. You were debating whether or not he would mind if you waltzed in and started talking to him.

“Myshka, you’re letting a draft in. Either come in, or come out.” Fyodor’s sharp voice resonated in the room. You flinched: you had been almost positive he hadn’t noticed you, but who were you kidding? This is Fyodor Dostoyevsky you were talking about.

You sighed, slipping in and shutting the door behind you. “Sorry, Fedya.”

“No grave damage was made, my dear. What brings you here?” Fyodor asked, still typing on his keyboard.

“You.” You replied, sauntering over to him, knowing that if he had given you the chance to slip inside, and was engaging in conversation with you, he was okay with getting disturbed. You draped yourself over his shoulder, your face next to his. You kissed his cheek a few times.

“Me?” Fyodor asked, finally turning to look at you, his monitors forgotten for once. “Do you mean my body? If you are aroused, my dear, I fear I can only please you for a short while — ”

“No, not like that!” You chuckled. You gently spun his chair around, making him fully face you. “I just want to be with you!” You said, falling into his arms. Fyodor, who was used to catching you as you threw yourself dramatically in his arms, had already been ready. You giggled like child, looking up at your cold, evil mastermind boyfriend who no longer seemed to react to your behavior. You extend your hands, placing them on his cheeks.

Fyodor furrowed his brows, gazing down at you inquisitively. Before he could ask what you were up to, you smushed his cheeks together, laughing so brightly Fyodor was sure he had fallen even more in love with you, even if he only admitted it to himself with a pinch of annoyance.

No one could have had the honor to smush his cheeks and walk away alive and unharmed, but this was you, his (Y/N), and so he only looked down at you, raising an eyebrow sarcastically. “You look like a chipmunk!” You giggled, moving his cheeks around.

“‘M gld I’muse you drling.” Fyodor spoke, his words pressed together as his cheeks were. The joy that lit your eyes at the simple, childish joke, made Fyodor’s own heart tremble with happiness.

You removed your hands from his cheeks. “Had your Fyodor quota filled, milaya?” Fyodor asked.

“No. I’ll never have my fill.” You smiled at him, pulling yourself up, aided by your boyfriend’s cold hands, to settle comfortably on his lap, and wrap your arms around his neck, deciding to stay there a while, closing your eyes to relax.

Fyodor pressed a kiss to your forehead before he returned to his work, a hand slipped inside your shirt, tracing lines on your back.

Fyodor didn’t know when his personal space had become your space as well, but he couldn’t be happier that it had.

[mandalaysworld]

my angel.

writers note: hey yall, this is my first of many archived pieces ;))) i’m super excited to be posting. i’ve been nervous though, idk why! i kinda wrote this into a small series to lmk if you guys want it. please enjoy ;)))

pairing: momo yaoyorazu x black coded reader

content: black reader, lesbian coded (bisexual if you squint), fingering, strap on use, oral sex, intention was to use lower case writing , etccccc…

r&bsingery/n thinks about her modelgf!momo yaoyorazu all the time when she’s on tour. it’s hard to see her with all your shows meshing with her gigs. you guys call, text, email, facetime whenever you can due to your demanding schedules. you missed everything about her. it so happens you have a show in london and she has a gig in london, you guys took that opportunity. you was sitting on the couch in your luxury hotel on the top floor. you were busy tweaking your hook for your new upcoming song until you heard a knock on the door. you got up and ran to the door, hoping it was who you hoped it was. you looked through the peephole and smiled. you opened the door to your beautiful, raven haired beauty. you picked her up and swung her around. she giggled and grabbed your face.

“hey baby. i missed you so much mommy.”

she said after putting kisses all over my face and neck. you would smile and pull away, coming together again with a kiss.

“i missed you too angel. come on in.”

you said, letting her come in. she takes off her coat as she kicks off her boots. you take her coat and lay it across the chair you had at the bar.

“baby, this view is beautiful. i’ll never get tired of london.”

she said looking at the skyline in the windows. i giggled at her astonishment.

“im surprised you haven’t just yet. you been here so many times.” i said approaching her from the back. i snaked my arm around her waist and inhaled her scent. her signature floral notes hits my nose.

“yeah i know. it’s like every time feels like the first time you know?”

she rambles on as i place light kisses on her neck.

“yes i know baby.”

she sighs and cranes her neck to look at me.

“baby are you even listening to me?” she asked.

i nod my head.

“yes mama i was. i just wanna make up for lost time, you know?” i said as i turned her around.

she smiled as i leaned in for a kiss. her lips were so soft, instantly feeling butterflies in my stomach. your hands slides down her back and grips her round ass. you tap her ass and in instinct, she makes a small jump in the air. you carried her to your bedroom you’ll be residing in for the next a couple of days. you climb on top of her marveling at her doe like eyes.

“it’s like every time i see you, you get more beautiful angel.” i gushed as i unbuttoned her pants. she blushes and looks away.

“how do you still manage to make me blush and we been together for almost a year now?” she asked as i pulled her panties and jeans off, being impatient as usual. i grabbed her right leg and started to kiss her ankle.

“i don’t know. maybe because i’m like that for real.” i said i rubbed her other leg. i leaned forward and started to make out with her again. momo finds the end of your tshirt and pull it over your head revealing nothing but your perk nipples. she grazes her finger tips over your erect nipples and gave them a small pinch. you moaned, taking the opportunity to slip her tongue in. you two started to breathe more heavily.

“baby i need you—right now.” momo demanded in the kiss. i chuckled.

“when did you get so bossy angel?” she sat up on her elbows.

“ever since my girlfriend is being a slow—oh!” i winked from below her. she watched as i devoured her. she throws her head back with a moan.

“fuck y/n…i missed you so much baby. please….dont stop.” she moaned out as she gripped my afro. i reached up and rubbed on her slim stomach. she unbuttoned that single button she had to secure her plump breasts. i noticed she had them pierced.

“oh? you got your nipples pierced angel?” i asked as i replaced my tongue with my fingers.

“fuck, yes mommy surprise. pleeeeeeease….dont stop mommy. keep going!” she moaned out with her eyes shut tightly. i smirked as i watched her juices trickled down the palm of my hand.

“yes baby because you asked so nicely.” me listening to all her wet, squelching noises is music to my ears. literally. seconds later, momo cries in pleasure as she squirts everywhere from the bed, upper arm and little on my face.

“mm yeah angel. this is what i’m talking about! i miss this fucking pussy.” i praised on with a giggle.

kept pumping my fingers in and out until she was no more. she breathes heavily as i stuck my fingers in my mouth. she watched me seductively. “still sweet angel.” she pushed me over on the the mattress and hovered over me. “it’s my turn.”

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ *

fuuuuuuck me baby! you’re fucking the shit out of me mommy!” momo moaned out.

i had her bent over on all fours, pounding that pretty pussy. i bit my bottom lip as i watched her round ass bounce off my pelvis. watching her pussy grip my blue strap was something i missed seeing.

“yeah mommy treating this pussy real good huh? you love this dick baby?” i asked before i wrapped her thick black hair round my hand. i roughly pulled it back and made her look at me.

“look at me as i treat this little pretty hm?” she looked at her with her mascara streaked eyes. she was biting on her bottom lip until she let a small pleasured whine. placed my other hand on the small of her back to deepen the arch. all you could hear was her wet pussy talking to me. i smacked her already red ass twice.

fuckkk…flip over. now.” i demanded momo. she did as she was told and made myself at home in between her legs again. i leaned down and started to make out with her passionately. she moaned as i rubbed the blue mushroom tip on her clit.

“stop being a tease. give it to me.” she whined. i smirked as i impaled her through the mattress. she gasped. i started to kiss all over her face. “i did what you asked of me,” i whispered.

“now…are you going to continue whining or take it like mommy’s good girl?”

end note: so what did you guys think? i mean, ik i need to work on it a little more when it comes to my diction and stuff but still idk. also too, the r&bsingery/n is based off kehlani. so i hope i nailed it for now! thank you <333

[sojournerstales]

WF1999: Summer Heat ch.3

fem!drifter x eleanor

hey there. I think everybody has one of those hump chapters, but I figured some broader stuff out in writing this one. we're on loop 1, the year before the good end, btw.

03. I Like To Be Here

I can feel her breathing. It's through a layer of separation. That sensation of touch fed through the transference link. Eleanor's body against Mesa's. Mesa's hands on Eleanor's hips. Still it's there, body heat and a heart beating.

The last stretch home is made unscathed. We go down into the familiar underground, easily gliding by wrecks we have passed a dozen times before. Down here the soundscape changes. Everything feels closer and the roar of Eleanor's tomi echoes loud enough to drown anything else out.

Except there is that link between us. That psychic line kept open.

"Earlier. Back at the Zoo." I still sometimes worry that my thoughts projected would be seen as an intrusion, but I'm brave enough to start conversation.

"Mm?" Eleanor pulls back on the acceleration. The tomi reduces to a cruising speed and its roar pitches into a prolonged thrum.

"Something happened. I saw it. When you helped me up."

"Oh. That." Smooth turn. Eleanor and Mesa's body weight shift in sync to keep balance. We're almost home.

"Don't gotta tell me," I assure her, "But you can."

"You were being cute," Eleanor says eventually. She slows the tomi further. "I just wanted to eat you right up, my dear."

I feel a shiver and that gives me something to think about. It's my cheeks that feel hot, not Mesa's facial shell. I miss my chance to pick at it.

"Right-o. Last chance to brace yourself. I can feel the brooding tension of brother-dearest from here."

"So no chance of us just sneaking right through?"

-

No chance at all.

Mesa highlights two figures as Eleanor and I pull into the makeshift garage space. Arthur posted up by the task-board, his skana balanced with its tip on the ground and the hilt snug against the heel of his hand. Aoi sat cross-legged on the workbench next to Arthur.

"Lettie must be busy," Eleanor tells me. Her voice feels narrowed. I've learned this is the sensation of a private line. "There is no way she would miss this particular show."

We ride into center stage and Eleanor cuts the engine. Its final rumble echoes alone for a full second.

"You're missing a bike!" Aoi calls out at us, grinning.

Arthur grunts. It's a suitably dark and broody sound. He spins the skana once and then catches it. As far as I can tell, he's got all kinds of feelings about Eleanor and I getting close and I don't think all of them are good.

I have Mesa climb off the bike. She registers for my benefit Arthur's skana and Aoi's complete lack of conventional weaponry - highlighting then the metallic coils around Aoi's wrists. Before more detail starts to filter through I emerge from the frame. Mesa is rendered inert and I stand before her to begin explaining myself, "I wiped out. It's my bad, I --"

"While we appreciated the heads-up, I do not think you understood the sheer number that came after us. Or how fast." Eleanor's voice cuts through what I was going to say inside all of our heads. There is a brief, intentional pause for effect before she continues, "Personally I bless our lucky stars we got back here in one piece ourselves."

Arthur finally steps forward, "Maybe if at least one of you had stayed on communications --"

"Do you have any idea how far I have to go just for some peace and quiet? Apologies, brother, if I did not want one of you lot nattering away in my ear."

Aoi is about to say something, but she clocks the same thing that I do. Eleanor and Arthur coming face-to-face and a certain intensity about them. So Aoi gives me a look between the middle of them. I don't get the specifics of what she's trying to impart. I come from a world where thoughts and feelings are plainly spoken and Aoi just has so many expressions.

What I do get is out-of-signal radio static from Eleanor as her bickering with Arthur remains loud, but obfuscated.

"Listen!" I pipe up, trying to cut through whatever noise Arthur and Eleanor are immersed in. "Important part is that we made it, yeah? And lesson learned for next time. So why don't we just cool off?"

Aoi winces, but I think it's sympathetic.

Arthur scoffs and shoots me a look that could mean anything.

And Eleanor looks downright smug. I feel a small sensation in the back of my mind. A psychic nudge. Pat on the back? Soft elbow to my ribs?

"All I ask is next time you two decide to go walk-about, give one of us a heads up and stay. On. The. Line." He wipes sweat from his forward with the crook between thumb and finger, then addresses me specifically, "We're not on holiday here."

I hold my hands up in surrender. I'm not about to talk back to Arthur, not when he's worked up like this. I know how well Eleanor can needle him. We'll touch base later. He's already heading back into the mall proper anyway.

Eleanor is too, not turning to look at either Aoi or I. "Well I need a lie down. Ta-ta, lovely. And you, Aoi."

It leaves Aoi and I in the garage and she's looking at me. Really looking at me. And unfolding from her seated position and getting to her feet and coming up close.

"What?"

She smiles.

"What?" I whine.

"She left in a strop and came back in a good mood," Aoi muses, she shrugs her shoulders high and walks a meandering circle around me before coming back to my side and leaning on my shoulder, "You're good with her. Or..."

"Or..?"

"You are good... With each-other?"

"I don't know. Maybe?" I groan outwardly and slap my palms against my face.

Aoi takes my hands and pulls me forward a step. "Oh it's just so cute! You fixed the fumble, then?"

"I fixed the fumble." Why did I have to tell Aoi everything?

"Yay! We did not fix the AC!" Aoi delivers that like it shouldn't be bad news. It does soften the blow. "It's like a heatwave in there. Really makes me wish we had a pool. Or wish more than just my face and palms could sweat." Aoi looks down at her hands in mine, "Sorry," and her expression wrinkles. "Clammy."

"You're good." We let go of each other and side-by-side make our way into the mall.

Aoi wasn't kidding. Between the civilian population we had let in, the veins of infestation binding certain walls together, the sky lights, and everything else, it's a heatwave. "... I could have Yareli hose us down," I muse out loud.

"Is that the magical girl?" Aoi gasps, I can practically hear the sparkle-eyes emoticon.

"Yeah," I snort, "Criminal I haven't introduced you two yet."

"You will do that. One hundred percent. Once I am less busy. I might need to convince Amir that one of the arcade cabinets is to be sacrificed to the AC Gods. Or we find scrap parts from somewhere else."

"Anything I can do?"

"Ohh, you could hand out water bottles? You could..."

Work in the Central Mall never really ends. Even before we let refugees in. It's a place held together by spit, duct tape, and techrot. It's a home, too. I walk with Aoi to the arcade and see Amir challenging two kids at once on a pair of arcade cabinets. And in a similar vein there is a trio of young girls thinking they are being sneaky behind a planter as they all watch Eleanor walk by - fear and excitement. Arthur looks to be having an important conversation with Lettie. It's terse, until she puts a hand on his shoulder and I watch as both of them relax.

Finally - as I'm making my way back to my room - Quincy catches me walking by. Things are tense there too. He's still trying to figure me out. He nods before turning back to the pair of lads he was talking with. They've a box of merchandise between them. I doubt Arthur approves.

In some ways it reminds me of the camp Kahl had set up. Or even before then the underground networks of the last free people in Narmer space. And even before then I realize maybe this - this right here - is what Duviri's market square always failed to emulate.

Nothing here is so clean and tidy.

part 3 of 4?

prev

[delicatelypearl]

Journaling 101:

A guide for all your journaling needs, whether you’re just starting out and don’t know where to start, or if you’re looking for a way to stay more organized, you’re in the right place!

(disclaimer that this does include a lot of my personal experiences, and different things may work better for different people!)

-gratitude journal: keeping a journal including things that you’re grateful for really adds a new, and positive aspect to your life. Start by writing down a list of 3-5 things that happened that day that you’re thankful for, happy about, accomplishments you’ve achieved, or maybe even a special event you’re looking forward to. Doing so really reminds you of all the good things that come to you in life.

-shadow work journal: Shadow work journals are very useful if you deal with trauma. They make you reflect on your past and help you to understand the root of your trauma, leading to helping you heal from it. Shadow work journals ask certain questions that really make you think, helping to uncover your trauma and heal from it. You can’t heal if you don’t fully understand what you’re healing from! They sell certain books that specially come with the questions already inside, or for a cheaper and more easily accessible option, you can look up some shadow work journal prompt ideas online.

-dream journal: A dream journal is a perfect journal idea if you’re someone (like me) who has the most vivid and interesting dreams. I usually just write down everything I remember from my dreams into my notes app, but that can get cluttered easily, so I recommend keeping a notebook next to your bedside for easy access first thing in the morning. After you write down everything you can remember, you can begin to dissect the dream, detail by detail. Dreams have meanings & every single detail is a sign from your subconscious. I have a book called 12,000 Dreams Interpreted by Gustavus Hindman Miller, and it’s very interesting to read about, but sometimes my dreams are super specific and weird that I have to resort to using google!

-scrapbook/junk journal: This is one of my favorite things I’ve started doing! There are so many different ways to do it, but for me personally, every week I collect items (receipts, post cards, wrappers, movie tickets, restaurant menus, business cards, photos, napkins, letters, clothing tags, etc.) from that week and I create a weekly recap spread! It helps me document what I did that week, so in the future, it helps to look back and remember the small details too. Even as I’m scrapbooking at the end of the week, it helps me to reflect and look back on just how progress I had made that week. It doesn’t even have to be big events, but maybe just receipts from a small trip to the grocery store. Think of anything. Get creative! I really do love that you can get really creative with this! I also decorate the pages with some washi tape, stickers, markers, pens, and paper. Another idea I like is to just make some themed collages using stickers, paper, and other supplies. I started by watching some scrapbooking ASMR videos on YouTube and I enjoyed it so much, I just knew I needed to do it myself.

-spirituality journal: I love keeping a spirituality journal!!! This journal is what I write in to manifest, where I take notes about different essential oils, chakras, crystals, meditation techniques, and other spiritual tips! This journal is also where I write down my daily tarot readings, and I do a lot of spiritual growth and daily talks of healing and reflecting here. It’s kind of like a stream of conscious type of thing! I write however I’m feeling or what I’m thinking, usually with no second thoughts, and it does wonders after I put my spiritual thoughts out there onto paper. It helps to solidify however I feel. This has been my most used journal lately, and it really helps!

-sketchbook: A sketchbook is super useful for those who have a more artistic side to them and always need to be using their hands and being creative. I keep a sketchbook myself, and although I haven’t used it in quite some time, I still find them to be very useful. Whether you’re sitting in class and doodling while you listen to the lecture, or you’re trying to capture the beautiful landscape around you in the park, sketching is a very relaxing activity and a great creative outlet. Even if you aren’t very artistic, sketches are supposed to be a rough drawing, so they definitely do not have to be perfect. Plus who knows? Maybe with sketching, you will discover some hidden artistic abilities! I personally feel that it’s best to try my hand at everything, so I never turned down sketching to help myself relax. Plus, it helps to draw out any emotions you’re feeling in that moment.

-daily diary: Of course I have to talk about the classics. A daily, basic, diary. Perfect to just jot all your thoughts down on. It’s perfect to write in first thing in the morning. You can write about your hopes for the day, your current thoughts, and then revisit at night and talk about what occurred that day. Another option is to carry it around with you, like in a purse, and document when needed. This also makes for a good time capsule, and in a few years it will be interesting to look back on how your day-to-day life was at the time. You can also include any personal secrets, drama, and emotional turmoil you feel at the moment as that will also be something to look back on in the future, so you can see how far you’ve come since then. Trust me! Everybody loves the classics.

-shared journal: SUCH a cute idea for you and a group of friends to do! One way I’ve seen this one before, is one friend keeps the journal for a few weeks at a time, and writes down anything they’re thinking, documents whatever they’re doing in life, and just anything they want in general! Then, they send it off to the next friend and it just keeps going around the friend group until the journal is filled 🤍 This idea is great for people who have friends that live far away from them and don’t get a chance to see them all the time, as it gives them a way to still keep in contact other than being over the phone. And I can imagine that it’s very fun to look at what all your friends are up to once it’s your turn with the journal! I’ve seen people who have filled up multiple journals with their friends! I will definitely be starting this with my friend group! It’s like a sisterhood of the traveling journal for sure🥰

-bullet journal: A bullet journal is basically just an everyday journal to keep your notes, to-do lists, and trackers in! You can track your mood, the weather, exercises, how many books you’ve read, and so much more! I’ve seen people take it month by month, and each month they create a beautiful cover page that coincides with that month! I’ve never done a bullet journal before, and I feel like my artistic side is not as well developed to achieve the same looks as some of these bullet journals I’ve seen online! You can start one easily with a dot grid notebook and some pens and highlighters! There are so many ideas for spreads on apps like Pinterest and TikTok if you have trouble getting started Using a dot grid notebook makes it much easier to split the pages into equal sections. This is perfect for those who love to use a calendar and want to have it be physical!

-poetry/fiction writing journal: Basically self explanatory but a journal to keep all your poetry and fiction writing! Poetry writing is a great way to get your feelings down on paper and is also great a form of art! I enjoy fiction writing a lot, and it helps me to stay creative!

♡I hope this helped some of you get a new start in journaling and find what works for you! Feel free to send me any asks if you have any questions!♡

[the---hermit]

Garden gnome diary

This is just a random list of thoughts, tips and things I am learning as I am keeping a vegetable garden for the first time. I thought it would be fun to write down some things, and maybe what I learn can be useful for others too? I do have a bit of experience gardening, but I only even had herbs that don't need as much attention as a veggie garden does. At the moment my veggie garden has been up for a couple of months more or less, the weather hasn't been kind this year since it's been raining most days for the past few months. I'll probably make more posts like this and random updates in the future.

Starting small is always the best option. This year i decided to plan tomatoes, zucchini and some salad, and after the salad I planted will been eaten I won't plant any more because it was a failure. The combo of heavy rain and slugs has not been kind to it, so I decided that my energies for this year will be focused on the other veggies and that's okay. It's not something I can focus on full time, so having fewer plants to look after is good for me to learn. create habits and not feel overwhelmed.

No matter how little you plan to stay in the garden, or how small the task you will get dirt on yourself, so dress accordingly.

On the same note, having comfortable clothes that you are okay with getting dirty is a game changer. I have a pair of old shoes I don't really wear out anymore so those have become my gardening shoes. And most importantly I have a pair of trousers with lots of pockets that have become my gardening uniform. They are super comfortable, they are light so even if it's very hot I am not suffering too much and I still get total coverage so I can sit down, and avoid as many mosquito and other insects bites as I can.

Moreover I know summer is hot and the temptation to wear a sleaveless top is there, but the more skin is out the more bites you get, so for the love of god wear a baggy tshirt (note made by someone will regret wearing a tank top in the garden for the next week)

Also a pair of well fitted garden gloves is necessary and will become your absolute best friend. I always struggled to find gloves that were small enough for my hands, and when this year I finally did it made everything so much better.

Cleaning out the weeds that grow around the veggies you have planted makes up for most of the job. It's very annoying especially because they grow so quickly and take so much time to clean up. I recommend having an audiobook or a nice playlist on while doing this job because it really makes the time fly. Having a bucket or something to put them as you are plucking them will save a lot of time.

Also since you often have to pluck the weeds out by hand in between the plants find a comfortable position. Sit down, however you are most comfortable, because it will take so much time and you cannot afford to give yourself backpains just because you didn't want to get dirt on your trousers. I somethings almost lie on the ground because it's comfortable and I don't care if my neighbor sees me looking like an idiot half laying in the dirt. I accept myself as a creature of the garden and I couldn't care less if others think I'm weird.

The real enemy is not the weeds (tho they are so annoying) it's slugs. Keeping the garden clean of weeds and everything makes it easier to spot them, but especially when it's been rainy I recommend looking around, under plants and all and remove the little bastards before they ruin everything. I live near the woods so i just gather all the slugs and leave them in the woods near my house in the hopes that some hedgehogs will eat them.

Related to that I have been trying to get hedgehogs to move in/near my garden for a while. Last year I saw a few nearby so I am keeping it up, but leaving a couple of small pile of leaves and weeds (yep that's where all the weeds go) so they can sleep under there if they want to. And I also leave out the snails for them.

I finally understand why the steretypical old man with a garden is so grumpy, and it's all because of the snails trying to eat my salad, and the behated cats the people living nearby leave out that think my garden is their toilet. If you listen closely you can probably hear me curse like a sailor about that.

Writing down on a calendar when it rained and when you watered your plants is going to make things so much easier. I have terrible memory, my brain cannot remember these things.

If you have to build some sort of supportive structure like I did for the tomatoes, for the love of god find ways to make the edges of the structure as safe as possible. I am so clumsy and if it weren't for the precautions I built in the structure and the fact that I am always wearing a baseball hat I would have hurt myself so many times. The baseball hat basically just hits things before I do, or before I accidentally stab myself in the eye with something, because I am a fool and I will walk into stuff.

I don't think this is necessary but here goes nothing, for the love of god wear sun protection.

[headless-robot]

7-36 Abnormality Boss Guide & Tips

Hello again, I am doing a second run through of the last dungeon of canto 7 and will be recording my thoughts, tips, and making a little guide for the boss fights. Hopefully if you're having trouble with any of these, I hope this Unsolicited advice can maybe help you.

the two abno fights this dungeon were relatively easy compared to the Last Boss (which I Will try to write a guide on) leaving me with less to comment on them mechanically sadly. So I've decided to put them both into one post.

Lets Start with Hurting Teddy

"Expression of love" is the main Gimmick skill of the fight, and is pretty easy to deal with. when a sinner with more negative effects then the Teddy's "Faint Memories" stacks clash, they will use "A Sad Embrace" next turn. Just that skill next turn, then gets staggered.

If you want to speed-run the fight, you're going to want to let one of your sinners get stacked with as many status effects they can handle, then clash with this skill. Then you get what equates to two turns of free damage. That, or you can clash with all the other skills over the course of the fight to lower faint memories, which is honestly kinda easier to do.

"Clawing" and "Violent Clawing" are just some filler bread and butter skills. You should be try to be careful about who clashes with these, just so not everyone is stacked with attachment. Although maybe that would be better? When everyone has attachment it uses "And Old, Nostalgic Embrace" and only that skill. Even if it hits everyone it's really not that scary of a skill. If anything it kind of helps since you want some status effects on at least some of your sinners, and it does exactly that inflicting curse(if you don't break the first coin) and nails.

If you don't want it to use the big skill anyway, just let a sinner clash and get hit by it's counter skill. It'll drain the attachment from them and inflict them with curse and stuff.

This has a Event that I don't remember getting the first time, but I'll write down my result. You can either hug the teddy or not. I am not a monster so of course I give it free hugs, succeeding the lust check will heal your sinner's sanity by 30 and inflicts teddy with 1 perma clash power down.

the passive for it is written wrong I think, but when it hits the 30% HP threshold it will Both inflict all sinners with attachment, AND get 15 offense down. Don't know why it's written how it is right now. Probably to be left for a future bug fix down the road.

It has a passive that lowers it's own base power when your sinner is inflicted with 3 negative effects, stacking up to 3 times. It's called Please don't be sick. that is sad and adorable.

And that's the most I can think I can scrounge up on Hurting teddy. I like reading people's analysis and stuff on characters and abno's, but I'm not a huge Character analytic my self. I'm better with looking at mechanics. So going round a second time against teddy, I confirmed it's probably the easiest boss in the dungeon so far. But I do like how the mechanics try to show the Teddies personality that some people have pointed out. Despite the fact the bear "plays rough", it's not completely malicious. If a sinner too "hurt" with status effects, It tries to comfort them and wait's for them to heal before "playing again". very cute, but again, very easy boss fight.

Next up is The Rose Hunter

TBH I kinda F-ed up on my second go with this guy cause I also felt he was as easy as teddy, thinking "I won't even need to use ego with this guy, I'll just save all my resources for the final dungeon boss".

I made the fatal mistake of not accounting for unbreakable coins staggering a sinner before they could clash with one of his AOEs. I still beat him relatively easily, but uh, you should use ego here if you can.

Ok, so the Main Gimmick of this fight is one of your sinners getting "Lassoed" every turn. "Snaring Lasso" will inflict it's target with "Barbed Lasso" at the start of combat. This is kinda like those captured states some previous boss's had, but they can still act freely. They're just paired with a minion that will fix their speed to one as long as they're lassoed.

These minions do not have a lot of health, so the sinner lassoed can easily free themselves with almost any skill really. If you have more then once sinner lassoed, just make sure they're clashing with the lasso targeting them. Free them as soon as you can.

The most dangerous part of this fight is definitely the rupture it inflicts, and the free rupture your sinners are inflicted with in the dungeon event before the fight.

As mentioned this boss has skills with unbreakable coins, and a coin hitting will still trigger the rupture on your sinners. So as I will keep repeating (more for myself by this point), Watch your sinner's health bars and stagger points. If someone is about to be staggered, make sure they aren't clashing a big AOE skill.

Sadly, unlike the bleed effect stuff from the 7-34 fight, I can't really say there's a consistent way to lose your rupture count. "Spiked Whip" only inflicts potency, so if a sinner is gonna lose a clash, better to lose to that probably. "Whip Crack" isn't something you want to get hit with since it just refreshes and keeps your rupture count and potency up.

"Strangling crown of thorns" is also something you don't really want to get hit with since it deals sanity damage against your sinners (unless yknow, your running NClair or UmbrellaHeath) it's also harder to clash against if you took the Hemobar from the previous dungeon event, so don't take it unless you're using the new bloodfiend IDs and/or have ego to heal your sanity every fight. (I did take it with out using my sanity healing ego and that I think is what led to my big F up.)

"Withdraw Whip" and "Barbed Lasso" are it's two AOE skills with the unbreakable coins to look out for. W-Whip isn't a strong skill and can be dealt with any skill2/3, but if you're really scared of AOE damage you can use Ego.

It's better to use Ego on the B-Lasso. since it will inflict Rupture potency and count no matter what, it'll technically get stronger each use since it's coin power scales with its target's rupture potency. BTDubs, it was the unbreakable coin on B-lasso that staggered my sinner before they could clash W-Whip which then proceeded to kill 2 sinners. Remember, Check those Stagger Thresholds!

And that's about all I got on the Rose Hunter. Compared to Hurting Teddy, which felt like it was trying to use it's mechanics to get across it's "Character" and "Story", Rose Hunters Mechanics were trying to express "He's a dude on a horse, and he has a whip". The whip captures sinners, it slows sinners, it's kink-I mean spiky, so it inflicts pointy status effects and inflicts SP damage. The MD event included an apple the Rose Hunter was chasing, and I remember seeing people interpret how the Hunter was trying to make the apple follow the flow of the story. How that was representative the sinners following the flow of their story and what others expect of them, whether they have a say in the matter or not (Faust and Hong Lu being extra obvious, since they got the Ego). I guess you could say in this fight, you take the place of the apple, trying to fight the fate the Hunter and those at home have for you. Despite that it's still a pretty simple and straight forward fight.

Annnd there's no Camilla fight sooooo we wait till RR5 for that I guess, probably. maybe.

I don't mind the abnormality fights this dungeon being relatively easy, since it is story content and we want players unlucky with gacha or time to experience the story. they'll be harder in RR probably, though mostly cause they'll be higher level probably. Whats important is if they have interesting mechanics that gets across their "Character" and their "Central Gimmick". As I said i think Teddy gets across its kinda tragic character of a lonely toy that wants to play, but only knows how to play rough. The rose hunter just being a dude with a whip is a little uninspired I guess, but they do try their best to go "What can a boss with a Whip do to impose a challenge to the player".

I hope this post was enjoyable to read through and helped you in the fight at least somewhat. I hope to be back later and bring more Unsolicited advice to those who wish it be, if it were the flow of my story.

[naumin]

november updates

ok so i know november ended yesterday, i did think about titling this post december updates but i know december will be a whole different beast for me... just let me have this... it's been a really long time since i sat down and talked about all my recent projects and goings on!!!! so in case you missed what i've been up to, read on... :)

the free Laios/Marcille fanthology I organised is OUT!!! no tall towers to climb (https://naumin.itch.io/laimar) came out November 10th, and erm only 5 days later than scheduled... it's a big boy at 112 pages with contributions from 14 fans !! I had so much fun organising this and was really touched by the love and care ppl put into their works... fans are so powerful... it's free to download and read digitally or even print and bind your own copy (I am really excited to see your printed and bound copies if you have made them please dont hesitate to @ me...) I love books.. i love making books...

I don't have plans to organise a Volume II however I did start writing a post of my process to maybe help and encourage anyone else who'd like to start a project like this one. It got really lengthy though and I wasn't sure if it was helpful to anyone lol so when I have a minute I really gotta go and edit that thing down

also nobody asked me but the title is based on a poem by 12thc warrior poet Xin Qiji. i guess the tower reminded me of their dungeon misadventures hehe.

also did i mention it's FREE! !!!!!!!

7 months of subscribestar I've officially been making new posts on substar every single week since May ! It's been really fun tbh and I don't have plans of slowing down yet :) I really appreciate everyone who's visited and it makes a huge difference even just subscribing for 1 month or 2, just having that little extra to help out on months where I can't take as many commissions or I'm sick or away from home etc! You may have noticed I've added a tip jar tier ($2.5) for those who can't manage the $6 sketchbook tier... on principle I wanna make it lower but after fees it'd be zilch and I am kind of like if you have $2... maybe hold onto that. lol. maybe use that somewhere else. you can always make 1-time donations through substar or ko-fi (yeah, I have one...) my next projects...

Ballet Yuri Year One, the compilation book of one year of works on Ilze & Evangeline, whos 1st birthday was in September and I haven't had time to look at the files since October but I will look at them again soon-- last spot I left it, it was at least 30 pages... I think it will definitely be double that and could possibly be triple that (omg).

NERD SEX VOLUME III my annual NSFW sketchbook which traditionally comes out around January/February! I'm delusional that this one will be the simplest to put together and so it might be the next thing you see from me. It will be available for all subscribers as soon as it's ready. I also gotta remember to upload Nerd Sex I & II at the same time. for those who dont wanna subscribe, you can get 50% off Nerd Sex I & II in the meantime now :) also i forsee about 300% more lesbians in Nerd Sex III. It's the year of the dyke.

A collaborative NSFW anthology coming next year. This one has a longer production period to give everyone time to work and give me time to get organised lol. Hopefully you'll hear more about this one in the new year! It's for the boys and the ppl who love boys <3

the issues oh my god I've been having technical issues with my ipad the last month. I keep getting random lines and marks while drawing in procreate ! A lot of people said it could be my sweater or hand or case touching the screen while I draw but I don't think that is it, plus it's only started recently. It's not my pen and it's not my settings. it apparently COULD be a technical issue with my ipad model which would suck cuz I got this refurbished (from Apple still) so do i have like..... warranty? will they repair it for me :S? idk. I'll have to look into it though sooner or later cuz it's driving me bananas and slowing my output! AGH! I pray she heals on her own overnight. amen.

commissions I am NOT taking any new commissions in December (unless you are a $10 subscriber) but I am still doing the KISS YCH which also has a very cute wintery version up for this month only lol. same price! check it out if you wanna see your pookies under the mistletoe <3 would make a great present to you or someone u know...

alright that's all. thanks for reading my updates post. did anyone read this whole post besides me? thanks for being there for a while whilst i talked to myself before you presumably left and did something more fun and enriching. i love you.

[projecthipster]

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Oil on paper by ratsandlilies

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! / The world forgetting, by the world forgot / Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! / Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd."

I don’t think I was ready for this movie the first time I watched it.

Today’s Hipster Movie, much like the last one, and, for that matter, the one before last, takes us back to the early years of the century — no surprise there, of course. Those were the years of the hipster taking form. I ought to get this one done before the end of Valentine’s Day tomorrow, because the opening monologue to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind describes Valentine’s Day, 2004. 21 years past. This movie can drink even in the most puritanical states now. 2004, a year after Robert Lanham published The Hipster Handbook and (sort of) codified this uncodifiable culture. Strangely enough, by the way, The Hipster Handbook, though it's a source for many of the lists I'm following, doesn't seem to be, itself, on the book lists. Only know that I am aware of the spot it sits in the literature / American / humour section of the Central Library. It's near the end of an aisle, low down to the floor, near the bathrooms at the south tip of the second floor. Where there's a view of the freight tracks out the windows.

But back to Eternal Sunshine. That opening monogologue comes to us from toque-clad melancholy protagonist Joel (Jim Carrey.) Like Lost in Translation again, with Bill Murray, once again this early century movie features another actor famous for comedic chops, leading an unaware viewer to think they might be in for some laughs. You’d have to be pretty unaware though. Unaware of the existence of The Truman Show (to have its own post... eventually) and Carey’s excellent dramatic skills, for one. Opening on February 14, 2004, Joel tells us he hates Valentine’s Day, a holiday made up by card companies to make people feel worse. Preaching to the choir here - although I did buy my parents some cute cakes-in-a-box today and there’s nothing wrong with that. Generally speaking, though, I'm a bitter old codger and don’t like St. Valentine’s Day very much as well. Maybe I would if it focused more on that old Roman’s role as the patron of beekeepers: a day to eat honey. I don’t really like romance stories too often either. Now it’s about time for bed, but I want to finish writing about this trippy, melancholy Valentine’s movie before the day it’s all about comes to an end.

And like the book to be reviewed next (I’m excited for that one; it’s a doozy of a brick of a novel that I spent much of last year thinking about,) Eternal Sunshine starts at the end, leaving the reader/watcher in a bit of a fog of missed context and strange mental states before leaping back, all out of order, to piece together the story. Joel moves through this timeline in parallel with Clementine (Kate Winslet,) introduced on an intercity train (God I wish we had intercities here) in a clash of baggy orange hoodie and stringy blue-dyed hair. You can see how the morose young crooners of the ‘20s (trying not to name Billie Eilish specifically, but the offing’s too obvious to pretend) have taken their aesthetics from this scene, filmed before plenty of them were born I’m sure. Point is, despite Clementine’s attempt at colour, she herself says it’s a transparent attempt. There’s a bitter greyness to this opening beyond that of the winter Long Island beach, a feeling of something missing. But still there’s great sweetness and chemistry to our leading couple and their circling and re-circling meet-cute. There’s just more to be broken down.

At this point, in the movie’s adulthood, it hardly feels like I need to throw a spoiler warning in here for what we do discover in the flashbacks. It’s the sci-fi-ish concept that the whole thing is best known for. Joel and Clementine have both taken a service to erase their memories of each other, and so the pain of knowing about their soured past and crumbled future. Technically, the most part of the movie just takes place on the night between the 13th and 14th of February, as Joel has electrodes hooked up to his head, purging sweet Clementine from his personal narrative. The thought put into how this would work is interesting in itself. It’s a home job, so there’s no strange waking up in an office wondering what procedure you went through and why. Meanwhile your house is consensually ransacked, all souvenirs memory holed. There’s a touch of dystopian possibility here– we have always been at war with Eurasia, and you have never known a hair-dyed bookstore worker. Another story about this technology might be all about how it could be misused and lied about. This one is about the consequences of it going perfectly and being used honestly. A lot of us may think we want to erase memories of pain. But a lot of us have also read enough books to know that we only grow through memories and experiences, so what do we erase in ourselves by erasing that pain? In the mid-movie series of memories, like dreams in that night, we see the original relationship evolve– falling apart before blossoming for the first time, the order more or less chronologically flipped.

There’s an obvious parallel to be drawn here, in the non-chronological decay of a relationship, to (500) Days of Summer. The tone, though, contrasts pretty sharply. Back in my post on (500) Days, I said that it’s be a very different movie with a more sombre take on the story. Well, Eternal Sunshine, predating (500) Days by a few years, may be that movie. And of course the sci-fi aspect is totally original here. That reflects in some really totally original filmmaking. As many of the memory scenes show the relationship dissolving, the memories themselves dissolve and distort in subtle ways. Day turns to night. Books turn blank. Sets grow sparser between cuts, focus blurs out and sound gets fuzzy. It’s clever stuff, and so much more interesting than if it was some high budget CGI dissolution effect. Past and present — or past and further past? — interweave within the same scenes, and it’s thanks to Carrey and Winslet’s perfect performances that you can see the transition right away. 

Reversing the order of an increasing series of arguments is also an increasing reminder of what was lost in that dissolution, what came before, and a light shone on the far from irreconcilable personal flaws involved. We realize that to start out, Joel saw a little of that classic indie movie manic pixie dream girl role to Clementine. By the end (the real end, after the beginning) she tells him she’s more than a concept, which I think is always a tough think for anyone to wrap their heads around regarding another person. But it’s less about truly seeing someone all the time with the complexity with which you see yourself; more about accepting that your image, your concept, is inevitably limited and flawed, so you should expect as much when a person is more than that. It’s tough, but also easy, and also hugely important. Funny to think that this came out the same year as Garden State, too. It feels like a response to it. Another way Eternal Sunshine differs from (500) Days, not totally but definitely, is in the susprisingly hopeful ending, an indication that growth is always possible, that love is worth it, and that even what we may not recall in the moment has shaped us. The final lines of dialogue are incredibly simple- one word, back and forth a few times, and I shan't spoil what that word is- but packed with so much meaning and acceptance. I may not be a huge romcom guy, but that can still mean something even to my old cynical heart. In the end this time-bending mind-breaking movie is as sweet as a bright orange clementine.

I give this Hipster Movie five winter beach walks out of five.

Project Hipster is a futile and disorganized attempt to dive into the world of things that the internet has at some point claimed "are hipster," mostly through ListChallenges search results.

This review comes from the twentieth list, The 101 Best Hipster Movies According to Ranker.

Up next: as aforementioned, a proper beast of a book, and don't expect time to get re-stuck in the conventional order anytime soon.

Stay deck.

[quinloki]

I'm hoping to get back into writing soon, but starting is always the hardest part for me. I have so many ideas but I'm terrible at executing them. Any tips/inspo you could spare?

Hmm...

Setting a timer or using a Spring Bot (on discord) is useful to help getting you to focus on "This Is Writing Time", but as often as it helps me focus it also ends up showing me how unfocused I am - nothing says "Maybe not today" quite like meaning to write for 30 minutes and getting 100 words out.

Or maybe that amount means you had to work to get your feet under you.

What I mean is, you want to try maybe once a day, or every other day, or as much as you can, but if those first 15-30 minutes don't get you into a groove, don't force it. Go do something else. Forcing it will just get frustrating.

Sometimes too I find it's best to just start with what I want to write. don't worry about the opener, the ending, the next chapter, etc. Just start writing. I have a few unposted WIPs where I have like mid-and ending chapters mapped out with snippets of full sections already wrote, with almost nothing mapped out leading up to them.

I got the words down, and at some point I'll sort out how to get there. I've jumped ahead even on stuff I do have posted. Passing Fascination is posting slow for now, but I have a lot of Down The Road stuff done and once I reach it the updates will happen faster.

But I'm not rushing getting there because I don't want to be disappointed in rushing the story just to get to the good parts.

It's also why I write more than one thing at a time. I've got something ridiculous like 14 open WIPs right now. In July I'm adding the Host Club AU to that list whether or not I've finished anything else.

But this lets me think about story stuff during lulls at work (or shower, or chores, or commute), and then go "okay today I'll work on this story because I know what I want to write" - whether that's the next chapter, or 4-5 chapters out.

Words don't expire, so it doesn't matter when I write what parts, just that I keep writing. And sometimes writing what I want will get my brain to realize what I need to do to get there.

And sometimes when I get there I edit/adjust what I had to fit in with the build up more smoothly. Words don't expire but they're not set in stone either.

And don't get frustrated if you write 5k words and then have to scrap it. You still got the experience of writing that, and you can use that to keep writing. It's okay. It's part of the process. It's not a straight line, it's a journey where back-tracking is perfectly fine.

I do like listening to music and having art up of whoever I'm writing about it - it helps ME focus, but it's not a for everyone type of thing either.

But that's off the top of my head. If I think of something more I'll add it... if any of that even helps ^^;

[karlachismylife]

I'm absolutely obsessed with your writing dude and I'm really excited to see all those ideas you talked about, your writing is so detailed and accurate to character, I struggle to stay in character. Like learning how a character acts so I can make what I'm writing about believable lol, I'm not sure how to practice either, do you have any tips?

You comrades really decided to blow up my brain with positive validation today, I'm literally feeling like an overly excited pup who got all the treats and bellyrubs and praise. Or maybe it's all that chocolate I ate, not sure. In other words THANK YOU??? *cue me crying every time I see someone on tumblr complain about people making characters OOC cuz I think it's about me*

So, as you can see, I am most definitely not someone who's confident in my capabilities of staying in character. Also, I have never, NEVER studied writing in any shape or form - I enjoyed my literature classes a lot, sure, but there is zero grams of purposeful theory studying in my gorilla head and I'm pretty damn sure it shows. Everything I write is super intuitive, and I can count on one hand how many times I made conscious desicions to adopt something for my writing style or smth. And it still was just "oh hey I like that thingy, want that in my text", no theory behind it.

So here are some

Juju's Tips on How To Maybe Stay In Character (Based On Guesses And Prayers To Gorilla Totem)

Simplify. Before everyone starts rightfully throwing rotten tomatoes at me, lemme explain: of course you won't go far if you actually take a character and shrink him down to a single trait. This is actually a very dangerous advice if applied half-assed, because this is how we get Bucky Barnes and those fucking plums (I hope this wasn't a Russian-fandom thing only). While it is good for memes and fandom to take one such thing and exaggerate, it's hurtful to the overall character image in fandom and your writing. Characters, while not fully-fledged people, are still multidimensional!

Why would I give such a shitty tip then, you ask? Well because it's a tip for your start. Take your character and try to put him in a few main boxes. Is he an unapologetically Scottish ADHD puppy with a sprinkle of violent tendencies? Is she a ruthless Mexican mastermind with ambitions that are worth more than any loyalty or morals to her? Or maybe a kind-hearted slightly shy talented tiefling blacksmith with a huge nerdy streak? An awkward Liverpool drummer guy who gets teased for his big nose and constantly gets in some kind of trouble? I bet you recognized at least some of them. This is the wrapper of your character (along with their appearance), this is what will almost always signal people that it's this lil guy. If you can at least keep inside that broad border, then you're already doing not that bad. Some stories don't even require more! Especially if it's comedy: comedy will want you to push into these things (as well as some smaller traits you can exaggerate to an absurd size), use them to paint a caricature or maybe play off of them with something opposite. But then again, maybe don't ask how to write comedy a person who cackles from pee jokes.

Next step is: know your character factually. As in, research their backstory, read their wiki, try to get and memorize as much information from their mother media as possible. Information can come from miscellaneous sources too! For example, I still beat myself up about the fact that in one of my earlier posts about domestic fluffy headcanons on Karlach x Soap I managed to make TWO factual mistakes just because I didn't check out Neil's tiktok first. If I did, I would've never said that Soap prefers showers and tea to baths and coffee. Luckily, I fixed it quickly, but yeah, it does help to see maybe what the actor/director/writer/creator mentioned in interviews or something. Fan pages are good too, but they might get flooded with popular headcanons (Soap's ADHD as an example) or lean too hard into that simplified image from previous step.

THEN is one of my favourite parts: learn your character like an artist would. Note their little mannerisms (Price's little hip movement? Iconic. Price is honestly STUFFED with Nik's cock these little mannerisms, courtesy one bery talented and well-versed in his craft actor. this shit makes characters alive, immediately recognizable, easy to parody. Or - Karlach's nose wrinkle that I love so much. Or - Bradd Pitt's character constant snacking on fastfood in Ocean's Eleven.), their habits, their quirks. If it's a character without visual, from a book, it might be even easier cuz such things would be brought up at least several times by the author. Sorry for a self plug, but my head is too empty for any other thing, but one of my characters in a biopunk story was constantly scratching her head.

This leads up to a thing you can finally write yourself: change them. Not just willy-nilly of course, but once you gather these three supporting beams (simplified wrapper, trivia knowledge and personal mannerisms/quirks), you can change them purposefully. That constant head scratching? Actually used it to show that woman's transition from hostile environment where she was oppressed to somewhere she felt accepted (people were forcing her to stop it and it worsened the habit VS no one chastised her for it and it became tame and unharmful to her). If Price constantly shoulder slaps his found family, what would it mean if he doesn't? Karlach wrinkling her nose out of anger in battle VS because she's laughing her tail off with friends? More obvious would be of course putting the characters against something like their important biography things (anything from the LONG list of abuse and torture Ghost went through, Karlach's past in Zariel army, Nikolai's Soviet upbringing etc). This is how you use already ready to go information to make a character look organic in any situation you put them in, be it bubble bath fluff or sci-fi porn au with snail tentacle aliens or fandom crossover or the most glass-chewing angst ever. Take something recognizable in hat character and either double down on it or change it - depending on whether you wanna show that they're in their element or the opposite.

Another very important thing (some might say it's actually more important than previous) is to build up off what we know. Since there's only so much a piece of media and even the creator themselve can tell us about a character, we should be ready to guess. It's rare that we're given some direct and extensive motivation for any character deeds unless we're in their head constantly (like in Dostoyevskiy's "Crime and Punishment" f.e.), and the less we're given, the more blank space we should try to fill in. If we know character's biography, we should try and draw conclusions on how their past influenced them. Ghost's trauma is the brightest example. OR the ADHD headcanon on Soap: we're given his actions, explosiveness and impulsiveness, his mannerisms and more or less type, and from that we build up that headcanon. It's not stated anywhere, but this is one of possible reasons behind him being portrayed the way he is.

In other ways, use logic, common sense and honestly - personal experience, I think it's one of the easiest things to make characters to feel alive, and alive characters always read as more "staying in character" than maybe very factually correct, but lifeless depictions - that's my lifehack btw (might be controversial). Try to deduct what lies underneath those mannerisms, think what consquencess would have character's past, simply imagine what reactions to a situation you could deem possible - one of them will be suitable for the character, I promise.

And it's already very loosely tied into all this, but since I mentioned personal experience and general believability - go do people watching. Notice their mannerisms, habits, quirks, reactions, experiences. Watch how shit's portrayed in movies, if anything; this will also help you to learn how to convey something deeper through small details (using allegories, metaphors, colour language and all that impressive shit).

Okay that's a whole load of yapping (probably more than you needed), but that's not all! Cuz there's also practice! And the only way to practice any writing is to write. Lemme give you homework :)

Grab those prompt/reactions lists and write away. What's their reaction to seeing a fat ol' spider right there on the toilet seat when they go for a midnight piss? Favourite dessert? Fill out the NSFW alphabet for them (dunno about y'all, but I always end up with some deep psychological portrait instead of masturbating material with those).

A little more advanced excersise in my opinion: try to write down a certain number of headcanons with no given theme. The trick is, you would have to justify them more or less (no, it's not oblgatory for headcanons in general, you can just have them for fun, but for this excersise you should). I say - Soap is SHIT at buying groceries. Why? Because he's easily distracted by flashy wrappers and shit. Why? Because he has ADHD. Why? Because [yada yada all the things I see in him from my own ADHD experience]. Unravel that chain, it doesn't have to be two-step thing, see, here I have sseveral steps between what we have (some of his traits like fidgeting, impatience, impulsiveness etc) and the headcanon (he's shit at buying groceries).

A couple more miscellaneous tips cuz I remembered them too late to build into the whole structure I have here (you can't see it but it's there):

The way characters speak is important, and it's not just accents. How much does this character swear? Do they mix languages? Do they prefer long or short sentences? Do they have a rich vocabulary, do they use slang, do they stutter, take long pauses, switch themes every five seconds? This is one of the "quirks" you should look into a lot.

Their relationships with other characters, the way your character views others and the way others view them are important. It might tell you a lot about how the character behaves with different people and in different situations.

All the other means of characterisation, including even the environment we see them, also will help to understand, dissect and thus adopt the character.

Use music, mate! I struggle with assigning exact songs to characters, I'm more of a "one song - one text" gorilla, but a lot of people have no such problems and you might very much benefit from it. Maybe the actor that plays the character has a playlist somewhere available?

Empathy and acting. These are my actual main instruments, but I put them in the very end, because I have no idea how to explain them or how to practise them. But the ability to put yourself in someone's shoes is everything. I am zero logic 100% emotions in my art, I will feel shit first, try to justify it second. I bet there are actually analyzing and logical processes going on inside my head when I do this, but it happens without my awareness. I just think "what if their partner gets horrible withdrawal after climax?" and then I'm like "well shit Ghost would freeze, and Soap would panic like a puppy, and SoapGaz would use humor, and Price would take extremely patronizing role on, and..." and then I'm like yeah that tracks cuz yada yada, good job Juju.

And my final advice is: you don't have to always stay in character. AND you don't always have to justify going OOC. It's art, it's fun, it's for your own enjoyment. These characters aren't real people, they cannot and never will have full-fledged personalities, that's not how media works, at some point complexity of a character stops making them deep and interesting and makes them bland and overly complicated. If you really wanna write Soap screaming like a girl at the sight of a caterpillar, or make all four of thesse guys into wearing frilly lacy panties, or say that Karlach is addicted to eucalyptus gum, or- I really don't know what to say here cuz all these don't seem too out there for me... OH OH HERE; if you wanna make Ghost bang a punk anarchist (and I do), you can. No one's gonna arrest you for going OOC and I promise, there still will be people who enjoy it. Some people won't care you went out of character, some people won't think you did. Some people will yell at you regardless (I think. luckily, I haven't been yelled at once yet, and I am very very happy about it. but I still take general and vague fandom-yelling posts personally so yeah).

Have fun. Do art. Enjoy yourself. Put love into it. Put strong emotions into it. But mainly love.

I have never encountered a fanfic that would be so horribly OOC that I couldn't read it. But I have seen works with so little love in them that nothing felt genuine and authentic, no matter how accurate it seemed. So yeah, love is all you need ✌🏼❤️🦍

[kindheart525]

Warning: Extremely Fatphobic Language

~~~~~~~~~~Several interviewers huddled around the table where the young actress sat, waiting in anticipation for what she would have to say. Their pens and notepads were poised and ready to collect answers, but the varying degrees of concern on their faces made clear that this was not going to be happy publicity.

“I can’t believe it.”

Triple Threat uttered, gripping her coffee tensely between her hooves.

“I got kicked off the show.”

A heavy, tense silence followed as she sat in deep contemplation. “I can’t believe it” was only the tip of the iceberg, she was shocked to her core but somehow at the same time not surprised at all. 

“It really was a surprise to many.”

The interviewers seemed less jaded by experience.

“It must have been for you too. Why do you think it happened?”

These ponies were friends, connections she had made through Bridleway Gossip and other interviews she had done. It was more than a purely professional relationship, hence the casual diner setting, but even they maintained some journalistic formalities for this.

“I know why it happened.”

TT gritted her teeth in barely-concealed rage.

“I knew it when I got the call and then when they announced my replacement the very next day. Like they had her loaded up all along. A thin actress.“

“A thin actress? Can you say more about that, this body issue?”

“No matter how talented she may be, even if she does deserve the role, I guarantee there’s nothing she has that I don’t.”

She wasn’t going to drag others down in her frustration, but she wasn’t going to sugarcoat herself anymore either.

“The only difference is size! And the fact that I actually pointed out that shit.”

For Triple Threat, this was hardly a formal interview at all, and not just because she knew these ponies. Unlike before, she didn’t feel like she had to express gratitude or keep a job. That hardly crossed her mind at all, she was pissed and needed to tell somepony, anypony who would listen to her. Anyone who would take her seriously.

“Here’s the post where they announced the new actress. Didn’t even mention me, okay? But listen to this!”

She showed them the new phone she bought for publicity, which now felt like a block of poison in her magical grasp from the vitriol that greeted her inside.

“‘Maybe this was for the best,’”

She started to read in a mockingly posh tone.

“‘Foals look up to Bridleway stars. They might think being unhealthy is okay.’”

“Unhealthy!?”

These comments were no less shocking to Triple Threat than when she first read them, freshly hurting from the loss of her job. But now what was once tears was turned into rage.

She pressed her lips together and made herself read on.

“‘I feel sorry for her, but I go to the show to see beautiful ponies.’”

The ponies around her cringed at this insult, but she just laughed bitterly.

“You think that’s bad?”

“‘Seeing Triple Threat in a dress that tight made me throw up in my MOUTH!’”

“And all these comments are real, Ms. Threat? Things that audience members have actually said?”

“YES!”

She yelled out indignantly.

“‘It’s good she was kicked out, maybe when she’s on vocal rest her mouth'll be closed long enough to lose some weight!”

The unicorn’s coffee spewed all over the place in the grip, hot like the burning rage she felt inside. 

“They want us to FUCKING ROT!”

Ears pinned back and nostrils flaring in rage, she stomped on the table so hard that everypony in the room jumped in their seat. 

“They’d rather we DIE of starvation! They don’t care about my talent, or my feelings, or anything! Me or anyone else who DARES to live life while fat! If you get lucky enough to ‘make it’ you’re glue to them as soon as you even THINK of acknowledging there’s a problem! Like they did me!”

The interviewers were writing down everything Triple Threat said, everypony else was staring at her. She was making a scene.

Good. 

“This shit isn’t okay! This shit KILLS ponies like it almost killed me!”

It hurt her to think of all the ponies before her, all the ponies coming up after her, experiencing the same hatred for their fat bodies. This stuff destroyed dreams, lives even. And it hadn’t gotten any better as far as she could see.

“We don’t deserve this shit! We’re not fucking disposable!”

How much would it take for Equestria to wake up and do something? How much would it take to be accepted?

~~~~~~~~~~

Previous: Op-Ed Next: Old School Marm

Background from Reddit

The fatphobic comments are heavily based on actual social media comments that @glitterfleshgum and I have observed

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Ok I’m just gonna merge and put my response to both responses here so I don’t keep double sending stuff into your inbox LMAO

Tbh from what I’ve seen he’s still a pretty volatile player (maybe he’s got brother trauma too) so your kiyora probably cooks LOL

TRUE I do enjoy the Prince yuki duo…imagine Chris giving him tips on training to help him build up stamina so he doesn’t get as tired and strain his eyes as much I’m crying….pause Chris cameo in yuki oaeu….youre onto something

FS I lowk forgot about kurona for a min (sorry bro) but Reo’s physicality esp after the training with Chris would seriously up the plays that Isagi could make too omg I have to admit I’m mainly in it for the character development though LMAOO like Reo and Isagi becoming besties /hj Id honestly love to see them interact more on good terms because a good chunk of what we’ve seen now is Reo being like “Isagi give me back my loser” I dying with the nagi slander hiori would totally be like “if he can haul his ass out of bed to kick a ball maybe I should start moving too” but LMAOOOO I actually laughed out loud the “your mom” comment is BRUTAL I can totally see it happening like Kaiser crumples on spot gripping his next and Nagi’s just standing like wtf is “your mom” that powerful maybe I should try “deez nuts” next time (imagine he does and Kaiser just stares at him like wtf are you 12) Noel noa and Nagi being the ceos of no thoughts brain empty to the point that they have no other option and it forces a Nagi awakening…

I’m just imagining a mean girl powerpuff trio….i guess by color default Rins buttercup and hiori is bubbles so Nagi’s gotta be blossom LMAO I see the vision though

I can imagine asks being distracting especially since our convo is always so long LMAOO (I live for it though) Mira on that grind…flashbacks to your mention of that one baby Justin Bieber audio (I love how I can remember this but not whether or not I’ve sent in an ask)

OH IM WALKING ALRIGHT let’s go grab coffee while we’re at it I think you’re gonna wanna sit down for this convo…ok but wait this is actually dangerous you can’t just drop this thought into my mind and dip!! Yotd x bllk crossover…hold on….im ngl it has been a bit since I’ve watched but imagine aiku or Otoya as jaeha too…both personality wise and color…

Ok now kiyora notes response response LOL

OFCCC and tbh I figured you’d be on the mark with his character (as usual) LMAOO miraverse just too powerful…

Ok wait I think the street fighter thing fits with him perfectly…like he’s always raring to go with breakdance battles and whatnot so I can lowk see it? He lowk would be a street dancer I feel in bllkverse so not that far off in terms of vibes I feel…we also saw him straight up squaring up with Nagi (soccer wise though) in epinagi LMAO so definitely a relatively combative character

LMFAOOOO that panel is so funny but FR thinking back on epinagi where Karasu insinuates that Kiyoras the weak link of the team and kiyoras like “you wanna go bro??” it all makes sense…makes me more excited for epinagi though I wanna see how they interact mid match!! Maybe Karasu and Otoya really were carrying their team (as expected) I’m also crying because from the clip I saw the HEIGHT DIFFERENCE the top of kiyora head reaches like the middle of Karasu ear they really said “ok time to really show how small he is”

- Karasu anon

HAHA i’m abt to post in the next hour or so i hope so you can see for yourself 🙂‍↕️ also side note i can’t stop using the head nod emoji JFNSKKS

AWW no because chris somehow getting involved and teaming up w aiku too?? he gives very blustery sweet but embarrassing uncle vibes where he def has no clue what’s going on but he’s doing his best…gasses up yuki whenever he sees reader meanwhile aiku is giving yuki tips to pull…absolutely insane combo LMAOAO honestly the best part of the oaeu is how many random combos that i can write about (for example i think the premise of the nagi one is going to be that aiku’s going on a double date and he needs another guy who’s going to make him look good in comparison so he picks nagi who’s like tall/cute/athletic enough to not embarrass aiku but uninterested and weird enough to not steal aiku’s thunder but then he accidentally DOES steal aiku’s thunder so he becomes aiku’s opp 😭 aiku turns into the anti wingman fr meanwhile reo and chigiri are like “nagi likes a woman???” so they’re beefing w aiku as well because they need nagi to touch grass FJDJSJSJ)

EXACTLYYY it would help isagi develop as a player and reo develop as a person >>>> no because hiori is def like hold on if THIS idiot can enjoy himself playing maybeeee it’s not thatttt bad 😩 PLS nagi thinks kaiser is just weak to fortnite insults so he’s like “kaiser do you know what happened to candice” and kaiser is like ? who IS candice ? and nagi’s like “candice nuts fit in your mouth 🤣” kaiser considers ending it because wdym he has the most fuck ass immature teammate ever 😰 also wait imagine wildcard kunigami but with nagi instead of isagi 😭 he’s all emo and traumatized and nagi is just like wow you have big muscles it reminds me of barou 👍 or he’d accidentally bring up how he beat him in the 3v3 and it would make poor kuni spiral 😓 also a nagi + kunigami bm vs rin + shidou pxg feels like such an ultimate second selection get back like they def wouldn’t win because plot but it would be insane!! LMAOOO forget nagi developing a new ego because he’s creative or curious he’s forced to because noel noa is NOT abt to help him in any way shape or form 😟

LMAOOO no i love our convos but sometimes i have to just lock in 😩 HAHA the justin bieber audio is a miraverse staple like that’s literally me writing about sooo many random characters it’s unreal (but very enjoyable!!)

i thought abt otoya for jaeha but i feel like jaeha is more extroverted than otoya (plus ponytail) so i thought reo fit better!! although i can def see the aiku vision especially because jaeha is much older than all of the other dragons…also lowkey kaiser kinda serves soowon (cunty blond) it’s too perfect HAHA i’m just thinking yk 🤭

miraverse always ends up connected to canon even unintentionally 🤫 i do agree considering he likes when people provoke him it just made sense to me to put him in that au!! and yeahhh bro karasu is actually kinda mean to kiyora but honestly that’s just the tabito signature like love him but he is top ten assholes in bllk (he’s just joking around though so it’s okay) HAHA okay wait kiyora and i are almost the same height (he’s 165 cm and i’m 163 cm) so that’s good to know for ah…research purposes…hehe so basically i’d barely even come up to the middle of karasu’s ear 🤗 that checks out though because i knew a guy who was 6’3 (nagi’s height) and i deadass had to actively look up to talk to him it kinda made things awkward though because even hugging was lowkey a gymnastic endeavor 😭 i’m perfectly alright w lime 5’9 that’s still tall to me (also that’s otoya’s height i believe…so basically more proof that miraeita 🔛🔝‼️)

[bidaryl]

too lazy to post the incomplete 28k of this but writing daryl interact w kids is actually a passion and a hobby of mine and i don't think i'll ever stop. thanku.

“you good?” he asks, not knowing why he gives such a shit about this whole situation, just knows he does. 

went from thinking her dad was a piece of shit, to thinking maybe there's something going on, with the way he looked when he said he didn't have a choice. hasn’t figured out whether he believes him yet, but aside from sitting shotgun to drug runs, this kid seems well-loved. still, doesn't hurt to keep an eye out. daryl knows too many kids that got caught up in this shit from lowlife parents, grew up right along side them. most of them never got out. daryl barely has.

“i love nuggets,” is all she says, then she holds one out for him.

“nah, i’m good. all yours, kid,” he waves her off.

she grins at him then looks down at her feast, fingers hovering over which nugget to pick next.

“daryl. do you have bar-bee sauce?” she asks next, screwing her face up when she can’t get the right word out. “barbie sauce. bee-bee?”

“barbecue sauce?” he offers, watching her eyes go wide and her head start nodding frantically.

“yes! bar-bee-que sauce! daddy says it’s his favorite, and he hasn’t had it since before,” she explains, sorting her food out and splitting it all in half, placing some on the lid side of the box and leaving the rest in the container part. “and he hasn't had nuggets, or fries, or ice-cream, or cake, or pizza. daryl,” she asks, looking up with a confused look on her face, “what’s pizza?”

daryl stares at her blankly, trying to keep up with the conversation. the past two times she’s barely spoken to him, this is a whole new side of her.

“uh, pizza’s like–i don’t know,” he shrugs, biting at his nail when she gives him an unimpressed look. “just pizza, i guess.”

“that means nothing to me,” she sasses back, all attitude.

he nods to where she’s arranging her food, “you gonna share that with your dad?” he questions, trying to figure out what she meant when she said ‘before’. before he started working for jack? before he moved to georgia? before he had a kid? feels weird to stop having pizza, of all things, for any of those occasions, though.

“yep. he’s gonna be so excited. he’s always puking, and i’m always holding his hair back. but he says if todd gave us good food that wasn’t moldy, then he wouldn't be sick all the time, and he could eat. daryl, is this moldy?” she asks, holding up a fry, reaching her hand out as far as it can go so daryl can inspect it closely.

daryl takes a long and hard look, all for show, then gives her a thumbs up. “all good. no mold.” 

she grins up at him again then starts eating from her stash. “good.”

“you want me to get some barbecue sauce for you? so you can surprise him?” he asks awkwardly, not really knowing what to do now he’s pretty sure she's not like, actively being abused and in need of help.

“oh please! please please please! yes!” she shouts, almost tipping the snackbox off her lap. 

daryl snorts then nods at her, telling her to lay low again and he’ll be back. thinks her dad will probably be back out soon, since he always seems to be straight in and out, no fucking around.

ducking back in the kitchen, he grabs a few barbecue sauce sachets, then at the last minute, grabs another snackbox and two sodas.

heading back out to the truck, he presents the kid with his haul.

“more nuggets!” she yells, before her eyes catch the drinks. “wow, what are those?” she asks, mesmerised.

“soda,” daryl says, passing her one. he watches her shake it and turn it around, looking at every part of it, then look back up at him. 

“what do i do with it?”

daryl feels himself stare at her. knows she’s a fucking kid, and by the sounds of it, a sheltered one at that, but still. how can you not know what a can of soda is, let alone how to open it and drink it. her dad’s a fucking drug dealer, you can't tell him that he’s one of those freaks who doesn't allow sugar in the house.

[simlicious]

I always plan on chiming in on these topics, then I write a mammoth post and am afraid to post it because maybe everyone will skip it. But I will post this one and if you feel up to it, please read it, you might get valuable info out of this.

On Reducing Polygons: I absolutely agree that optimization is key and we could do a much better job with it. The methods of removing stray vertices should be standard practice and I always wonder why people do not do that in their workflows. Removing doubles on everything is not always a good idea, especially on clothing, but it might be different for objects. Still, I see a lot of disconnected faces on meshes that should be connected and not just a bunch of single faces next to each other. These kinds of pointless doubles and unnecessary split edges should definitely be removed too.

What I am doing to help I'm working on a tutorial right now showing another method you can use to reduce polys that gives you more control and better quality than decimate 💪. You can get to lower poly counts without so much quality loss too, but it requires some manual work, not just the push of a button, but it is super worth it! Keep your eye out for that one.

On conversions/learning/creating meshes: Tbh, even 7k is still madness for a clutter object, it shouldn't be above 1k. Even 1k is still high compared to EA's clutter meshes! We have lost perspective if we keep judging against insanely high polys and think that a 6k clutter object is low-poly. Nope, that is still insane in Sims standards (no matter the iteration) and you should not be using that either in your games if you care about game performance. Clutter objects made by EA are mostly under 500 vertices in the Sims 3, so if our goal is to have meshes that have only minimal impact on game performance, we need to seriously cut down on those vertices and polygons. We have to remember that a lot of vertices are also added with sims, and especially CC hairs are extremely too high. Most EA hairs for Sims 3 are only between 5-7k polys. When have you ever downloaded a CC hair that only had 5k? Granted, most of these hairs look pretty jagged and we got very used to the smoother high-poly ones that have at least double the polygons. but if keep those in our games, then we should pay even more attention to keeping the rest of our CC as low as possible to counteract that. It's about balance, how many high poly objects are actually rendered at once. The best tip would be to use high poly meshes sparingly, and for that, we also need low poly CC to balance out those high hitters we do not want to live without, and we need transparency from creators on their polygon counts. On conversions and learning how to mesh: I think a lot of people think converting is super easy and they do not have to learn much to do so. But actually, if you want to do quality work, you have to put in the work, read up on tutorials, and learn how to actually use the meshing tools, even if you do not create your own meshes. You still need to know how you would do them to make proper conversions and fix broken meshes along the way. It's definitely easier to become a creator first and then a converter, because you get a good grip on the basics first, learn what a standard mesh looks like, and learn best practices for the game you are creating for. You learn what needs fixing and then you can focus on how to fix and convert meshes that are structurally entirely different from your target game. It also helps to know what kinds of issues you guys are struggling with, so I can work on addressing them and make tutorials that are actually tailored to your needs. Also, if you have a problem, google, watch tutorials, ask people in the creator's discord, or people like me who have an open ear for those questions.

To get started in Blender, I recommend Blenderguru's Donut Series for Blender 3 and 4. Those teachers on YouTube know their stuff inside out and will give you valuable tips that you won't find in a Sims tutorial. You also learn how to make renders, do a simple animation, and light your mesh too, which are things you do not necessarily need for making meshes for the Sims, but are good to know for creating renders or fancy snapshots of your WIPs or something like that and helps understand what 3d tools can do and can be used for. The lighting tips you'll learn can also help you set up lights in your Sims game to make your creations stand out more. Google search some important techniques and practices like good topology/topology best practices, Uvmapping game assets, baking maps in Blender. If you want to create your own textures by generating, not drawing or copy-pasting them, you can look into sculpting tutorials and retopology, but that is a bit more advanced. You do not always have to start with a Sims tutorial either, in fact, I would highly recommend starting with a general meshing tutorial that covers the basics on modeling (for games), UV mapping and baking textures before focusing on sim specifics.

I get that a lot of tutorials out there use older Blender versions. But please do not shy away from using the newest Blender versions. Anything you can do in an older blender version you can also do in the newer one, and you can google how to do X in the new version and will find answers, you do not need to keep using a version just because you read a tutorial that used that one! Focus on tutorials that use at least Blender 2.8 or higher with the new UI, they will be much more translatable to the current versions. If you are searching for pure Blender tutorials, prefer the newest ones you can find that use the current Blender generation, and learn to use the most recent version of Blender. Update Blender regularly too. It is easier to keep up with new features that could make your meshing life easier if you go with the flow! You can export use older Blender versions along with new ones and keep old Blender Installs parallel to your new ones (they do not get automatically removed, just create several shortcuts to older versions if you want to keep using them), but Blender has come such a long way and has become so much easier and more intuitive to use. And there are tons of helpful plugins too, but Blender itself has become so good that you don't need to have them at all. Take the leap! CC creators that actually make great high-quality, low-poly stuff also learned that from somewhere else and practiced until they got it right. You gotta do the work, and it's fun to actually make progress and understand what you're doing! I cannot do the learning for you, but I can provide you with more of my knowledge to help you along the way. The most important thing is not to just blindly follow tutorials but to really understand what you are doing and why. My personal projects and goals I am building my first Blender plugin at the moment. I'm so excited about that because I can't actually code in Python, but I am getting the hang of directing Bing's AI to do my bidding and the addon is actually working so far! Hopefully, it will do everything that I want it to do by the end and I can share it with you🤞 This year, my goal is to create more tutorials. This will be the year of tutorials or something like that (let's see how long the New Year's motivation actually lasts). It's been on my mind for so long and I just can't bear to watch people blindly stumbling through their meshing adventures around me without doing something to help them out! And I also want to tackle the big topic of polygon counts this year and how we can better judge what is suitable for our games and what isn't. It's a big topic with a lot to cover, but if it works out the way I envision it, it will be the ultimate guide🤞It's been in my head for a long time, just getting stuff done in a streamlined manner is hard with mental health problems ND traits, and you may know this already from me, stuff takes me a lot of time to get done, but I am doing what I can to make everything as good as I can so when I do deliver you're in for a treat! If I was more organized and streamlined and my fears wouldn't hold me back, I would have created a YouTube channel and a Twitch channel by now so we could hang out and I make video tutorials for y'all 😫 but I hope I can overcome some of them and realize some of my more ambitious goals this year despite my fears!

Thanks for reading this huge wall of text, you're the best! I hope you found it a valuable use of your time.

Hello guys! First of all happy new year ! Hope you had a great time out there :) 🎆

Today I'm writing this to explain why decimation of Sims 4 meshes is paramount while converting stuff. You know me, I don't like to make statements as english isn't my first language and I find it difficult sometimes to actually write things down - even in italian I struggle sometimes lol. BUT I think this would be useful to all the cc converters and creators out there. So please, take this as an advice, for the sake of our oldie and beloved Sims 3.

Little backstory: I was casually browsing tumblr the other day and stumbled across a beautiful food set converted from Sims 4 - which I immediately saw was high quality. Just for curiosity I downloaded it, checked the polycount of a random object (if you're new here it's the total number of polygons found in a three-dimensional model) and it had way too many polys: 28k vertices - 34k faces + 4096x4096 textures.

Sims 3 is quite an old game now. Every player had experienced lag and glitches at some point so it's very, very important to make the stuff you create/convert from other games suitable for it! Here comes to the rescue a super useful tool in blender called decimation. It basically "allows you to reduce the vertex/face count of a mesh with minimal shape changes", as said on blender website. In just 2 minutes and with not so much effort I was able to reduce those polygons down to 8,4k vertices - 7,4k faces. Do you see any difference? I don't honestly.

Optimization is the key. Converting from sims 4 is not just taking the mesh and textures and putting them all in Sims 3. I wish it was tho!

You're free to put whatever you want in your game but you have to think about the game performance as well. There are people who still play the game and as an ex player I got really upset when I had laggy gaming sessions.

Having said that, here's a tut about blender and the decimation tool, done by @simaddix and which I think covers every important aspect of that useful tool.

If you read this all, thank you! Now I can go back to convert new stuff :D

-Marta

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

Hey 👋

I swear I'm addicted to your writing😁 Thank you for the amazing post❤

Can I request a usually calm reader coming home to Hanni and Wil with n bruise on their cheek and/or blue knuckles from n fight. And when they question reader they find out reader defended their relationship.

Or

Them reacting to reader with cigarette burn scars from childhood or self harm scars.

Sorry if it's specific I had a dream about the first one and I'm insecure about my scars😅 Also if it makes you uncomfy ignore me🤣

Have a wonderful day/night/afternoon💕

Hey anon, sorry it took me a hot minute to get to this. Hope you enjoy!

Gender neutral y/n comes home covered in bruises. Their lovers Hannibal and Will need to know why.

trigger warnings: blood, threats of violence, mention of firearms, stalking

You spit a mouthful of blood into the snow before you even thought about turning the doorknob. Any random passerby would look at you and think you were attempting to rob the place. You couldn't say you disagreed, though: your hood was pulled over your head and you held a tire iron in your singular non-bleeding hand.

You knew it wasn't wise to let the old-money Baltimore socialites catch you in such a compromising position, but you had to double-check your mental map of the house one more time. Hannibal would undoubtedly be cooking; hopefully so in his element that he wouldn't notice you slipping by. Will was the one you had to worry about. When it came to you, he'd become as alert as a German shepherd with protective instincts to match. Where he was in the house was anyone's guess, so you needed to be on guard.

You removed your heavy boots and opted to leave them outside. You then tossed the tire iron behind a nearby planter and slowly, quietly turned the knob. The door creaked as it opened, making you cringe. The sight of neither of your partners immediately running up on you was a bit of a relief; you hadn't been discovered quite yet.

You just needed to make it upstairs so you could barricade yourself in the master bathroom and use that oh-so-rare sliver of privacy to cover up your bruises. Then you could climb down the trellis, grab your shoes and make a proper entrance with hello kisses and whatnot.

"[F/N]?" Hannibal called out before you could even breach the threshold.

With no thought on your mind other than "fuck", you turned your head away from the direction you heard him. "Yeah, I'm home."

"I'd rush to give you a kiss, but I'm a little tied up at the moment." He said, undoubtedly grinning to himself as he trussed a chicken with sturdy cooking wire. "So you'll have to come to me."

"Oh, yeah." You called back. "Let me just get cleaned up first."

"If you insist." He said with a dramatic dip in his voice. "But hurry right back. Dinner is almost ready."

Hurdle one was cleared. Now all you had to do was clear the second, much higher hurdle.

You ascended the stairs, but forgot to skip that one consistently creaky step that always alerted the dogs. A small army of dogs came pouring into the upstairs hallway, blocked only by the baby gate Hannibal had installed as a compromise. Enthusiastic barks filled the foyer as you desperately tried to calm them down from the top step.

"Winston! Max! Harley!" You rattled off as many names as you could remember. "Hush, please!"

"[F/N]?" Will said, turning the corner.

You momentarily considered throwing yourself down the stairs. It would be easier to explain the bruises and you could still soak up that sweet, sweet throuple affection without having to tell a story that even you didn't entirely believe. Common sense, however, kept your feet firmly on the ground.

Will appeared in your line of sight. You pulled the brim of your hat down and stuffed your hands into your pockets. "I, uh- forgot how to open the gate again."

The dogs parted in Will's path and he looked at you with suspicion as he effortlessly opened the gate. "Is everything okay?"

You turned your head to the side. "I'm fine. It's just really cold outside."

"I'm sure those wet clothes aren't helping." Will cocked his head. "We can start by throwing that hoodie in the dryer-"

Before you could pull away, he pushed your hood and your hat off in one fluid motion. He knew what was going on.

"I'm no doctor, but I don’t think busted noses and black eyes are side effects of low body temperature." He said, folding his arms.

You put your hand up, unintentionally revealing the bruises on your knuckles. "You learn something new every day."

You tried to scoot past him, but he grabbed your hand and pulled you back.

"[F/N]--" Will said, a blistering fury beginning to percolate in his chest. "Who did this to you?"

"I ran into a bus stop." You lied, not even trying to make it sound believable.

"That bus wouldn't have happened to be headed to Dacula, would it?"

Your silence spoke louder than any excuse you could think of.

Will sighed. "Right. I think I know what happened."

"Will, I-" you protested.

"Save it for dinner." He scolded. "I'm sure Hannibal would love to hear this."

You'd been found out it was much worse than anticipated. You felt like you were on trial, which, given the circumstances, you could have actually been on trial in a real court of law on the charge of aggravated assault. However, that didn’t make you feel any better.

Hannibal demanded an explanation and couldn't wait until dinner. He was willing to let one of his culinary masterpieces burn in the oven, knowing of course that a much rarer delicacy was in the cards once you gave him a name.

He brushed his finger over an open cut under your eye. A light click of his tongue reached your ears as he examined your face.

"Give us a name, love." Hannibal probed, holding your jaw between his fingers and following the trail of bruises down your neck. "Who did this to you?"

"It's not a big deal, really." You assured him, squirming against his grip. "I started it."

"Now that, I find hard to believe." Hannibal contested. "You're not a preemptive strikes kind of person."

"Nor would you go all the way to Dacula to throw a few punches." Will added, approaching you with an ice pack.

"Okay, so maybe I finished it." You corrected.

Hannibal smiled proudly to himself. "That's more like it."

"What exactly did you finish?" Will asked, gently placing the ice against your bruised knuckles.

You sighed. You mentioned Dacula once and they already knew the answer. They were just waiting to hear you say it.

"My ex-boyfriend, Sidney." You leaned back on your one good wrist. "He was a being a completely irredeemable shit, as usual-"

"Details, darling." Hannibal said in too singsongy of a voice than was really appropriate while wrapping your hand in gauze.

"Acting entitled, talking like I belonged to him-"

"You have no idea how little that narrows it down." Will shook his head.

You were compelled to agree, but couldn't bring yourself to admit that and the fact that you ever dated Sidney in the first place. "Right."

"That isn't out of character for him." Hannibal said.

"And certainly not enough to make you willingly drive back out to cousinfuck nowhere to beat him up." Will finished.

"I didn't go out there with the intent to beat him up!" You contested. "He said that if I could meet him for coffee he'd never speak to me again. I know it's a lot of gas money, but I really was gonna hold him to the whole 'never speaking to me again' bit."

"So what happened?" Will asked, growing impatient.

You looked at the ground, embarrassment stopping the words at the tip of your tongue.

"Somehow, he caught a whiff of our... arrangement." You tightened your hands into frustrated fists. "And he made some really shitty comments about... you."

Hannibal and Will exchanged looks. They let the silence linger, urging you to fill it.

"He went into obscene detail about how mmf threesomes are his favorite category of porn," you tried not to gag as you recalled the disgusting details. "And then said if I 'let him watch', he wouldn't tell the local baptist church that I was a whore-"

"The man is a pig." Hannibal said, matter-of-factually.

"I got up to leave." You continued. "Obviously. Then he said he knew where you lived. Announced it to the whole diner. Started to go through his list of semiautomatic weapons. So to make sure he knew I meant business-"

"You threw the first punch." Hannibal finished the thought for you.

You nodded. "Naturally."

Will smiled to the floor and pushed his glasses up his nose. "I would have loved to see that."

"As much as it pains me to say," Hannibal began, resignedly agreeing. "It's only fair that you stand up for us the way we stand up for you. From time to time."

Will brought your bruised knuckles to his lips. "Though we desperately need to teach you how to dodge. Because the next time you come home covered in scratches, someone will pay."

You took both of their hands. "I should get beat up more often."

[cjsinkythoughts]

The Conversation

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 7661 (Don’t come at me - you guys asked for it)

Warnings: !FATWS Spoilers!, Cursing, Fluff, Feelings, I Dunno What Else, This One’s Pretty Chill, Except The Ending, But You’ll See When You Get There

A/N: Here it is! I was hesitant about posting it because that means we’re getting closer to the end and I’m such a nostalgic bitch! I’m definitely gonna cry next week when the last episode comes out! Anyways, I’ve got a few things to talk about:

I think this is one of the most important chapters I’ve written and I’m excited to see your reactions to it. It is longer, but you guys asked for that, so you got it! Also, I’m loving the Asks, Comments, and Reblogs. I try to respond to all of them. I have work in a little bit, so I won’t be able to until after, but I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Ask me anything; about my series, the show, any of the movies, personal stuff, I really don’t care. If you’re not comfortable, that’s totally fine! Every like means so much to me!

I know it’s not the end yet - we’ve got one more episode and a list of One Shots to get through - but there’s a definite feeling of this series coming to an end, and I just want to thank you all for the support and love you’ve been giving it! I’ve really enjoyed writing these characters and this story! It’s very, very special to me and I’m glad I’ve been able to share it with you lovely people!

On that note, be kind to yourselves and others! Thank you again for reading! Excuse any mistakes - this isn’t beta’d! Enjoy and stay tuned!

FATWS Masterlist

cjsinkythoughts Masterlist

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT! (Sorry for the gifs I just love them so much and he’s so pretty and this part is technically two parts so...you get four!)

“Louisiana.” Bucky hummed, looking around the airport.

You rolled your eyes. “You’re not gonna find anything interesting about Louisiana in here, doofus. Let’s call an Uber.”

“An Ooper? What the hell is an Ooper?”

You giggled, shaking your head and grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the luggage carousel. “Uber. It’s like…a taxi service. But there’s an app on your phone to get a driver instead of waiting for one on the street.”

“Oh.” He blinked, tilting his head. “That’s…helpful.”

You laughed again, stopping in front of Carousel 3, where your flight from New York was assigned. You went back to New York to grab a bag with clean clothes and other necessities, along with taking a real shower for once. It was nice to be back in the States, as much as you loved traveling. It’d been a crazy few weeks and you were ready to just relax.

“Do you think there were any problems with Sammy’s present?”

Bucky shook his head. “Nah. Especially considering they know who we are.”

You snickered at his slight grumble. They had had…problems at the other two airports - first the one in Sokovia then JFK in New York - considering Bucky’s entire arm was metal. It’d taken a full hour before they actually let you go, and by that time they had to give you a new plane because yours had left.

“Seriously. Who else has a fucking metal arm and has 1917 listed as their birth year on their Driver’s License?” You giggled again. That was also true. They thought he was messing with them. It wasn’t until you stepped in a few minutes after they asked Bucky to step to the side, seeing Bucky get frustrated, that they realized Bucky wasn’t pulling their legs.

“Well, we’re here now and that’s all that matters.”

He nodded in agreement, watching for your bags, his hand finding yours when he realized how many people there were. “Do you know where he lives? I didn’t even think about it.”

“Yeah, don’t worry. He invited me over once. I declined, but I saved the address.”

“He…invited you over?” Bucky frowned.

You gave him a look. “I’m sure he invited you, too. You just never checked his texts.”

He licked his lips, tilting his head. “Yeah, no, I know, but I mean…why didn’t you go? Weren’t you two just talking about how you wanted to meet his nephews the other day?”

“Yeah, but I had gotten a tip on Wanda at the time and I didn’t want to miss the chance that she was there. He told me it was fine. I still felt really bad. I could tell he was a bit disappointed. I think it was one of the boys’ birthdays. Or something. I don’t remember. Is that bad? Yeah, probably. I really should remember. Maybe I should keep track of birthdays on my calendar or something.”

“Doll.” You looked up to find him giving you a magnificent smile, teeth and all. “You’re rambling.”

“Oh. Am I? Sorry. I didn’t realize.”

He shook his head quickly, squeezing your hand. “Don’t apologize. It’s cute. I’m just not used to you talking so much. You kinda did on the phone sometimes.”

You shrugged, pushing down the heat crawling up your neck at his words. “I rambled a lot to Steve.”

“Oh.”

His face fell, making you scrunch your eyebrows up in confusion, nudging him slightly to grin at him. “It’s nice to have someone to ramble to again, though.” There was that smile again. You were stopped from saying anything more when you noticed some kids pointing and chattering excitedly at a gleaming silver box coming around the corner on the conveyor belt. “There it is.”

He looked over his shoulder, dropping your hand and stepping over to grab it, lifting it effortlessly. You didn’t know what was in it or how heavy it was, but you were sure it felt like a feather to him.

“Alright. Got our bag, sweetheart?” You lifted up the duffle in answer and he jerked his head towards the doors. “Let’s get outta here, then. Call that Booper or whatever.”

“U-B-E-R! Ub-er!” You threw your hands up, following him as he started walking towards the exit. “What’s so hard about it?!”

He just gave you a little smirk over his shoulder.

***************

Bucky kept asking the Uber driver questions about his job. The guy was super nice and patient the whole time, a thick southern accent lacing his answers. Southern hospitality was no joke and apparently had no limit as Bucky asked about his experiences, listening intently and telling him his own stories of taxi drivers in NYC.

When you got to Sam’s sister’s house, Bucky, being Bucky, tipped the driver half of what you paid for the ride, thanking him for his time and energy, before getting out.

“You’re so adorable, you know that?” You teased him as you stepped up the porch stairs and knocked on the door.

He rolled his eyes, a tint of pink dusting across his cheeks. “He was nice.”

You hummed at his defense, the smile never leaving your features. After a moment, Bucky raised his fist to knock again. “Jesus Christ! Don’t fucking knock their door down!” You grabbed his wrist and lowered it.

“Sorry. I forget sometimes.” Bucky informed you absentmindedly,  tilting his head to peek in the window. “I don’t think anyone’s home.”

“They’re probably at the docks, then.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “The docks?”

You nodded, gesturing for him to follow you. “Yeah. They have a boat, remember? He talked about it last week.”

“Oh right. The one he’s trying to convince his sister not to sell.”

“Yeah.” You confirmed. “I’m pretty sure it’s that way. I don’t know how far, but we can call the Uber back-”

Bucky scrunched up his face and shook his head. “Nah. I don’t wanna bother him again. We can walk.”

You gave him an incredulous look. “It’s literally his job to drive people around.”

“Well, yeah, but what if he’s got other people to drive?”

You lifted his metal knuckles to your lips. “Trust me, Buck, I’m sure he’d rather drive you than anyone else.”

“Thank you?”

Swinging your now linked hands, you gave a firm nod, letting him know it was, in fact, a compliment. “You are so very welcome.”

The walk was a lot longer than you thought it was, and you ended up on Bucky’s back after he kept complaining about how you “shouldn’t be walking this long” and you were “injured” and you “needed rest’”. You’re not sure how a shoulder wound affected your ability to walk, but you relented and let him carry you the rest of the way to stop his whining.

“You forget, you did pull your thigh.”

“That was, like, three weeks ago! Yeesh!”

You finally got to the docks, which were bustling with people. Bucky set you down and raised an eyebrow which you shrugged in reply to, before heading over to where you spotted Sam with a few other older men.

“How do we get it off the truck?” You heard Sam ask, pointing to a large boat engine part in the bed of a beaten up truck. Scoffing as Bucky lifted it up without breaking a sweat, you leaned against the truck. Bucky grunted and set it down, looking at Sam.

“You’re welcome.” What a punk. “Just dropping this off.” Bucky lifted the case and set it where the engine was previously, Sam coming to stand on the opposite side of the truck as you. “You can sign for it and I’ll go.” You snorted, shaking your head, making Bucky shove your shoulder - the uninjured one - playfully. “I called in a favor from the Wakandans.”

Sam looked at you curiously. You shrugged and shook your head. “Don’t look at me, Sammy. He wouldn’t tell me what it is. He’s all hushy hushy about it until you say so.”

Before Sam could reply, there was a squeak and hissing over at the boat where steam was coming from a few pipes.

“Sam!” You knew that was Sarah from pictures Sam showed you. You stayed up by the truck, pulling yourself onto the bed while Sam tried fixing the pipe, Bucky butting in to show him how to do it properly.

“Why didn’t you use the metal arm?”

You saw Bucky lift up said metallic limb. “Well…I don’t always think of it immediately. I’m-I’m right handed.” Letting out a laugh, Bucky turned around and scowled teasingly at you. “And what’re you laughing at?!”

“Nothing!”

“Well then get your ass over here!”

You rolled your eyes, hopping down from the truck as Bucky asked if Sam wanted help with the boat. You leaned against a wooden post, grinning when Sam looked at you.

“I don’t have any plans.”

Sam gave a small smile, jerking his head back. “Yeah.”

You jumped down onto the boat to follow him, looking over your shoulder and stopping with an amused eyebrow raised as Bucky introduced himself to Sarah. “I’m Bucky.”

“Ah…Sarah.”

“Sarah.” Bucky repeated her name, before walking towards you, a grin still on his lips.

“Careful, Barnes. That playboy Steve warned me about is coming out.” You nudged him with a smirk, ignoring the feeling of your stomach dropping.

He rolled his eyes, kissing your head as he passed you and Sam to go where Sam was gesturing. “Don’t worry, Y/N. You’re still my doll.”

Sam raised an eyebrow, falling into step besides you and lowering his voice. “Conversation?”

“Hasn’t happened.” You informed him through clenched teeth as he groaned.

Sam gave you a list of chores that needed to be done to clean up the boat, giving you a quick tour and letting you know where all the tools needed where. You set to work immediately.

Sanding down, replacing old parts, cleaning, polishing and painting over the things that didn’t need replacing. They didn’t let you do any heavy lifting because of your stupid shoulder, but you were still able to help.

Sam had turned on some music for you to listen to, so you danced around the boat while cleaning. Turning your head when you felt a pair of eyes on you, you smiled when Bucky snapped his head back down to the wood he was sanding down.

“Gonna dance, Barnes?”

He looked back over, shaking his head. “Nah. I’m good watching you.”

Rolling your eyes, you got back to work, continuing to bop to the music, fully aware that he was watching you now.

A little while later, you were repainting the edges of the boat orange, when you looked over and noticed Bucky playing around with a paint scraper…sitting right on the edge that you had just finished repainting a few minutes ago.

“Buck!”

He looked over, eyebrows raised. “Yeah?”

You bit your lip, trying to hold back your mischievous grin. Shaking your head, you waved dismissively. “Never mind!”

He gave you a confused sort of pout, before shrugging and continuing to fidget with the tool. It wasn’t until later when he got up to help Sam tear the metal plating off the edge that it came to light with Sam chuckling and raising an eyebrow.

“Sit in something there, Barnes?”

“What?”

Bucky craned his neck back, eyes widening when he saw the orange paint on his ass, contrasting with his jeans. You let out a cackle and he whipped towards you, pointing at you accusingly, although the small uptick of his lips let you know he wasn’t really mad.

“Y/N!”

“No, no, no!” You laughed, sprinting across the deck, shrieking when he grabbed your waist and spun you around. You gasped when he grabbed a paint brush and painted an orange stripe right down the front of your shirt. “James!”

“Justice, sweetheart.” He breathed in your ear with a chuckle.

You shook your head, wiggling out of his hold. “This is a nice shirt!”

“You should’ve thought about that before.” He smirked, crossing his arms. Your eyes caught sight of Sam behind him, who raised an eyebrow and the bucket of paint he was holding. You nodded with a little giggle, making Bucky’s eyes narrow. “What’s so funny over there, do - holy shit!

You guffawed as orange paint dripped down his head, Sam standing innocently behind him with the now empty bucket behind his back. “Samuel!”

“Oops?”

“I’m gonna kill you!”

“Try me old man!”

“Fuck!

“Doll!”

“Oh my God!”

Paint, orange and white since those were the only cans they had out, flew across the deck, paint brushes being used like fencing swords.

You found out too late that wet paint was a little bit slippery and you slid on a huge puddle, sending you, not onto the ground below, but over the side of the edge into the water. 

“Doll!”

“Cher, you good?!” 

The three of you looked at each other, stunned for a moment, before bursting into fits of laughter and you nodded. “I’m good!”

The boys helped you get back up onto the dock, Sarah appearing with towels she conjured up out of thin air. “Let’s get you into dry clothes. Do you have-?”

“We’ve got some. We got a bag.” You told her with a grin, facing the guys. “You two should clean up some, too. Sammy, you’ve got a little something right there.” You pointed to your cheek, his own having a giant white splotch from his temple to his jaw. “And Buck?” You sniggered, gesturing to the whole of him. “You’ve got a lotta something right there.” 

“Ha. Ha.” He looked down. His top was practically tiger print, drenched in orange with white here and there, and his ass still orange as well. His hair, which had been plastered to his forehead, was starting to dry now, and it only made you laugh some more thinking about what a pain it’d be to get it out. For him, at least.

“God. Can’t even have a relaxing day on the boat with you two.” Sam jested once you finished up and joined him and Bucky, who had just finished dumping out some water buckets. Bucky had changed his shirt and it looked like they tried wiping their faces, but Sam still had small lines of white down his face. “How ‘bout a couple of drinks? Surely you can’t ruin that too.”

“Ruin?” You gasped in mock offence. “Sammy! I just made the day more…interesting.”

Sam chuckled, ruffling Bucky’s hair, which still had orange streaks in it. “Let’s go get some beers.”

************

You chatted for a bit, mainly you and Sam with you asking how Sarah and the boys were while Bucky with your legs in his lap, just listening to you two and sipping at his bottle. You had his hand in your own lap, wiping it down with a rag due to the paint that got on it.

“You’re lucky this is vibranium, you know.” You commented off handedly. “If it was your other one, it’d definitely get stained.”

“And who’s fault is that?” Bucky shot back with a teasing grin.

“Sammy’s.”

Sam spluttered. “Wh-what?! You started it!” You laughed, shaking your head.

Falling into a comfortable silence with just the water and birds chirping as your soundtrack, you downed the rest of your drink, which Bucky took as finished. “Well,” you moved your legs to let him stand up. He leaned forwards to clink his bottle against Sam’s and you stood up and stretched. “Gotta catch our flight tomorrow. Get a hotel room for the night.” Sam gave you a look to which you rolled your eyes at as Bucky set down his bottle and grabbed his jacket. “Crash, you know?”

“So you’re just gonna set me up like that, huh?”

“Well I don’t wanna make it weird for your family.”

“Just stay here.” You laughed as Sam babbled on about how nice the people were here, grabbing the jacket Bucky handed to you. It was getting a bit chilly from the breeze on the water and the sun going down. Plus, that water was cold.

“But don’t flirt with my sister.”

You cackled at Bucky’s face, that turned serious, his head shaking. “No.”

“‘Cause if you do I’ll have Carlos cut you up and feed you to the fish.”

“Can’t hold back the dog, Wilson. It’s been stuck in a kennel too long.”

Bucky turned to you, grabbing your jaw and squishing your cheeks together. “You know what? You need to shush. You’ve been snippy all day.”

You just smiled as innocently as you could with your lips being held by his metal fingers. “You’re too fun to mess with.”

He pecked your nose. “As long as I’m the only one you’re messing with. I’ll be right back.” He let you go and spun around, maneuvering around the boat in a way only a trained assassin could do.

“Oh my God, please! Please just put me out of my fucking misery! You’re killing me, cher.”

“What?” You gaped at him.

“Don’t act innocent!” Sam huffed, giving you a pointed look. “If I have to watch you two make googly eyes at you one more fucking day with neither of you doing anything about it-”

You rolled your eyes. “Oh come on, Sammy-”

“Don’t ‘come on, Sammy’ me! And don’t come at me with that ‘he doesn’t like me back’ bullshit. If you think for a second that boy wouldn’t follow you to the depths of the fucking ocean, you’re blind as a bat, woman.”

You shrugged, pushing up the sleeves of Bucky’s too big jacket. “It just…hasn’t come up.”

He deadpanned, shaking his head and standing up. “That’s it. I’m done. You two are driving me insane. I’m gonna lock you in a room until you have the conversation that needs to be had the next time either of you does something stupid.”

“Yikes. That’s gonna be quick.” At his look, your smile dropped and you nodded. “Okay, okay. I’ll…I’ll bring it up later.”

“Tomorrow or nothing.”

“Sam-”

Sam tilted his head, brow creasing. “Is it still Steve? Is that what this is still about? Because he’s gone, and he’s been gone and you need to get over it-”

“No. It’s not…” You sighed. “It clicked the other day. When we were hanging out. Steve left and, yeah, I might always love him, but Bucky…God…I love Bucky, Sam.”

The man grinned proudly. “I’m glad to finally hear you admit it. So what’s the problem?”

“It’s still complicated, right? I mean…he’s his best friend and I’ve never dealt with stuff like this before and-”

Sam’s smile dropped and he groaned again. “Imma head out. I can’t take this. Dumbass and dumberass. I swear to God.” You sniggered a bit as he grumbled, walking towards the ramp to climb off the boat, just as Bucky reappeared.

“Hey-”

“Nope! Not right now, Barnes! I can’t handle it! I can’t!”

Bucky gave you a weird look. “What’d you do?”

You chuckled, shaking your head. “Nothing.”

“Well, c’mon, doll. Sarah said she’s gonna make gumbo for us, whatever that is.” He held out his hand as you walked over. 

“You’re such a city boy.” You teased lightly, taking his hand and letting him help you pull you onto the dock. You shoved the sleeves of his jackets up again since they slipped from the first time. “Let’s go get some dinner. I’m starving.”

******************

“We have the couch and a mattress we can pull out, I just have to make Sam get it from the attic-”

“That’s alright. The couch is fine.” Bucky waved dismissively while you nodded in agreement.

Sarah raised an eyebrow at you two. “For both of you?”

You blinked, exchanging a look with Bucky, before shrugging and turning back to her. “Yeah.”

“Don’t fight it, Sarah.” Sam peeked out from the hall. “They’ve got a weird relationship.” You stuck your tongue out at the man while Bucky rolled his eyes, dropping your duffle bag by the couch. “How mature, Y/N.” Sam mimicked your action.

“Uhm…okay. Let me set up the couch for you then.”

Once everything was set up, you and Bucky thanking her for dinner - delicious and you’d never seen Bucky smile so much, the boys having kept him highly entertained throughout the meal - and for letting you crash, Sam and Sarah headed to their rooms, the boys already having been tucked in for the night.

“Are you gonna sleep on the floor?” You asked quietly, sitting down on the couch and doing the things for your night routine you didn’t already do in the bathroom.

“I think I’ll be okay.” He sat besides you. “I’ve been doing fine the past week or so.”

You smiled at him. “That’s good. Alright.” You stood up and stretched. “Let me just make sure everything’s in the bag and ready-”

You yelped when his arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you into his chest, shifting down to lay against the couch’s arm. “Do it in the morning.” He yawned, looking up at you tiredly. “I wanna go to sleep.”

“Then go to sleep, Buck. I’ll be right back.” He shook his head, his hold tightening as he sunk deeper into the couch.

“No. I fall asleep better with you.”

You rolled your eyes but grinned, settling down with your legs between his, your chin resting on his sternum so you could still look at him. He beamed, but you could see the exhaustion settling in, and he grabbed the blanket Sarah left over the back of the couch and draped it across your back, over both of your legs, before his arms crossed snugly under the covers at the small of your back.

“Dinner was nice tonight. I haven’t had a meal cooked like that in ages.” You hummed.

He nodded in agreement. “I think that’s the first time I’ve sat around a table with a family since the 40′s.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Did you like it?”

“Yeah...kinda makes me wish I had my own.”

“Your own what?”

“Family.”

You bit your lip, shyly avoiding his gaze. “You’re my family, Buck.”

A light kiss was pressed to your forehead, his fingers bringing your gaze back to his. “There’s no one else I’d rather have.” The room lapsed into silence again, the clock ticking on the wall, the low sound of crickets outside.

“You have really pretty eyes.” You mumbled, tilting your head slightly as you studied them. They always held so much emotion in them, especially in contrast to when you first met him as Soldat. They matched the water you fell in, and you wouldn’t mind falling over and over into them.

“Yeah, well, you’re just really pretty inside and out, so I think you’ve got me beat, doll.” He whispered back.

“You know who else is pretty? Sarah.”

He nodded with a hum. “That’s true. But I meant what I said. You’ll always be my doll.”

“So you’re not gonna ask her out?”

He gave you a weird look as you traced his sharp jawline absentmindedly. “Nah, sweetheart. It’s just…some harmless flirting. Except on Sam’s part.”

You gave a soft huff of laughter. “Yeah…he’s gonna strangle you. It is nice to see you like that, though. Flirty. Relaxed. Happy.”

“You make me happy, sweetheart.” He hummed, nosing your temple. “The road trip helped. I’m learning everything from you. Maybe not the flirting, but the carefree part.”

You blinked at him, finger stopping for a moment as you thought. “Oh…”

You felt his fingers dance up your spine, making you shiver slightly. “What I would give to know what’s goin’ on inside that pretty lil’ head’a yours, doll.”

“I just think it’s funny you’re learning how to be carefree from me…when I just started learning how to do it myself.”

“Oh yeah?”

You nodded, your finger continuing its path down his jaw. “I think it started with the goats.”

“The goats?”

You nodded again, resting your cheek on his chest, watching your finger move up from his chin. Once you got to the end of his jaw, you lightly scratched his scruff. “In Wakanda. Our goats.” You weren’t looking at him, so you didn’t see the way he physically melted at your words, his eyes going soft, his lips turning up slightly.

“Our goats, huh?”

But your tired brain wasn’t really processing what he said, instead focusing on the features your finger was now tracing - over his lips, up his nose. “You’re pretty too, Buck. Did you know that? Inside and out.”

He craned his neck to kiss your forehead. “Go to sleep, cuddle bug.”

Nodding, you nuzzled into his chest, finger feeling over the bumps and indents on the dog tags resting near your head. You tried going to sleep, but you kept shifting, your mind not shutting off.

“Hey, sleepyhead, I’m trying to, you know, sleep.”

“Sorry.” You apologized meekly. “I just…I dunno. I can’t.”

“Are you comfortable?” He peeked open and eye to look at you questioningly. You nodded. “Is it too hot? We can take the blanket off. I know I’m a walking furnace-”

You shook your head. “No. I don’t know why. I just can’t sleep.”

He licked his lips thoughtfully, before cradling your head and guiding you back down to his chest. “Lay down, sweetheart. Relax.” He stroked your hair, moving his head down to rub circles in your back muscles, pressing down harder when he felt knots. 

You hummed, your eyes closing. “That feels good.”

“Shshsh. Just go to sleep.” His lips pressed against your head once more, lingering a bit longer than they usually do, as you felt yourself drift off. You cuddled his side, throwing a leg over his waist, before nodding off, only barely hearing his words. “Attagirl. There we are.”

******************

“Doll?” You felt a shift underneath you and groaned, your eyes barely cracking open. “Hey, sleepyhead…it’s okay. I’m just gonna slip out from under ya, alright? Gonna go help Sammy with somethin’.”

You raised an eyebrow, letting him move you against the cushions as he sat up on the edge of the couch. “Sammy?”

“Yeah.” He bent over and kissed your cheek. You stretched out your limbs, about to rub your eyes, when he stopped you, kissing the inside of your wrists. “No. Not you, doll. Go back to sleep.” 

“Bu’...’m gonna help.” You slurred out, looking at him with confused, squinty eyes.

He chuckled, shaking his head. “It’s okay. Rest. You can help when you wake up again. Okay?” You mumbled out an “okay”, bringing the covers up to your chin and snuggling deeper into the cushions. “There ya go, cuddle bug. Good girl.” There was another kiss, one to your temple this time, before you slipped back into unconsciousness.

******************

The next time you woke up was because of a clatter in the kitchen. You yawned and sat up, stretching, eyebrows furrowing when you realized Bucky wasn’t with you. It took you a moment to remember your conversation, which you half thought you dreamt.

“Boys!”

“Sorry!”

You chuckled at the shouts, rubbing your eyes. “I am so sorry!” Sarah apologized, looking over at you from the stove. Trying to make the boys breakfast before school. Do you want anything? Eggs? Cereal? Toast?”

“Uh, cereal’s fine.” You stretched out your back again, before throwing back the covers and standing up, a little shakily.

“You wouldn’t happen to know where Sam went, would you?”

You raised an eyebrow. “Uh, I think him and Bucky went to fix something on the boat. I don’t for sure, though.”

Sarah groaned. “He probably went to fix the stupid water pump which doens’t need fixing. Dumbass.”

You chuckled, padding over into the kitchen. “Yeah. I just work with him. I can’t imagine growing up with him.”

“Trust me; some days you want to throw him in a box and send him out to sea. Bowls are in that cupboard.”

You snickered, moving over to grab a bowl from the cupboard she pointed to. “That’s how I feel with Bucky. Sam is less often, but when those two get together…it’s a full zoo.”

She laughed at that, nodding as she got out the milk and a few boxes of cereal for you to choose from, handing you a spoon. “That I believe.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

You started pouring your cereal, watching in slight amusement as she got the boys ready for school. “Bus is here! Get out the door! Bye! Love you! Make sure you take those extra lunches to-!”

“Yeah, mom! We know! Love you too!”

You gave a slight smirk as she huffed, looking around the kitchen at the pans and dishes left out. “Kids, huh?”

She gave you a smile. “Yeah. They’re a handful, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything. How about you? Any thoughts of kids?”

“Me?” Your eyes widened, nearly choking on your food. “Oh God no. Not right now, at least. I don’t even have a solid house right now. My life’s too off the walls for that.”

“And Bucky?”

You raised an eyebrow as she leaned on the counter. “Bucky? What about Bucky?”

“Does he want kids?”

“Uh…I dunno.” You shrugged, clearing your throat as you remembered your talk last night. “Kinda makes me wish I had my own.” You quickly pushed his words aside. “He hasn’t told me.”

“Wait, wait. You two…aren’t together then?”

You blinked, your eyes widening again. “Together? Me and Bucky? No…why? Did Sam say something?”

Her expression morphed into one of disbelief, crossing her arms. “Sam didn’t say anything. You guys did. Are you seriously expecting me to believe you aren’t together?”

“We’re not! I mean - he was flirting with you yesterday-”

“Right, okay. Honey, that’s flirting. And it’s harmless. The way he follows you like a puppy and you look at him like he hung the stars? That’s feelings. And that’s a lot more impactful than flirting.”

You frowned in contemplation. It was really that obvious? You were really that blind? This whole time? You knew Sam knew - but you just figured that’s because he’s been there since it started. And Sharon knew for the same reason. But Sarah? The woman you just met the day prior and had barely had a conversation with?

“It’s, uh…” You chewed on your cheek, swirling your cereal around. “It’s complicated.”

Sarah didn’t look impressed. “Do you like him?”

“I’m kinda in love with him-”

She shrugged, not letting you finish your bashful statement. “Then I don’t see what’s complicated about it.”

And that was that. She turned to clean up breakfast, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

You thought it was more complicated than that. I mean…you were in love with your best friend. Who left you. With the guy you had feelings for who just so happened to be your best friend/crush’s best friend. And now you were completely in love with your best friend’s best friend, but your best friend still had a piece of your heart.

But…you loved Bucky. And he was here. And Steve was not. And when you put it that way…you guess it wasn’t so complicated after all.

******************

You snickered as you walked up behind Sarah, the woman berating the men for not leaving the water pump along like she asked.

“Hi, Sarah.”

Sam shot Bucky a warning look, who grinned, but you were surprised to see Sarah ignore him, sending you a knowing glance instead, before turning back to Sam. “I told you specifically that the water pump was not the problem, and yet, here you are.”

“Yep, Samuel.”

You chuckled, Bucky shooting you a wink. “Yeah, Samuel.”

Sam narrowed his eyes at you, turning to Sarah. “In our defense, you were supposed to be done long before you woke up.”

You nearly facepalmed at his “defensive” and you were trying so hard to hold back laughing as she told Sam off, sending them away.

“I don’t wanna hear a peep from you.” Sam pointed at you, but that only made your chortles come out, and you didn’t even bother hiding them. “She’s a very mean person.”

“It’s tough love.”

You giggled as they started arguing, slipping an arm around their waists, their arms instinctually coming up to your shoulders.

“Oh my God. A prowess?”

“Yes, Y/N. A prowess.”

“You know, maybe if you someone let me help-”

“Hey, woah! You were tired! I let you sleep! I was being nice!”

“Too late now. I’ll be lucky if Sarah lets me within a hundred feet of it!”

“She got you so good, Sammy!”

“I agree with Buck for once! You’re too snippy right now! And c’mon man! Stop flirting with my sister!”

“It’s my natural charm.”

“Charm? What charm?”

“Ouch, doll! That one hurt!”

****************

“Okay.” You stepped out of the bathroom, walking over to the couch and setting the bag down on it. “I’ve got everything packed. We’ve got a little over an hour until we need to head out which gives you two time to go set something up for Sammy and maybe even a bit or training before we leave.” 

Bucky frowned. “You’re not gonna come out?”

“I will in a bit. I just got a phone call I need to take.”

Sam narrowed his eyes. “Government call?”

You gave a mocking smile. “Can you guess what they want to talk about? It’s okay. I’ll survive. It’s only a phone call, so I can always hang up. Pretend I didn’t have good service. I do it all the time.”

“I’m sure you do.” Sam chuckled. “In that case, I’m gonna go grab some stuff and get the shield.” As he walked out, he made sure to mouth at you behind Bucky’s back ‘conversation’ making you swallow thickly. You were planning on talking to Bucky anyways, and with Sam’s insistence…

“Okay, so, I was thinking when we get back-”

“Can I talk to you?”

Bucky stopped digging through the bag, blinking at you in surprise at your sudden burst. “Uh…well, we already are, so yes.” He chuckled, straightening and crossing his arms.

“I wanna have the conversation.”

He was left stunned, once again, his mouth opening and closing and his weight shifting form one foot to the other. “Like…that conversation? R-right now? Are you sure?”

You winced at her nervousness. “Sorry, sorry. I know it’s kinda…I just…I need to talk about it. Now.”

“Okay, okay. No, that’s fine. Don’t apologize. I just wasn’t expecting it.” Bucky cleared his throat. “That’s all.”

“Okay…” You breathed with a small nod. You opened your mouth, but Bucky shook his head.

“I hafta say this first; I didn’t mean to hurt you by telling you about Steve. I-I dunno what I thought. That it’d give you closure or something. I dunno. But it hurt you and I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intention.”

“Buck-”

“I was jealous. And guilty. And mad. And upset. I still am. Kinda. I guess. I dunno.” Bucky shook his head, running his hand through his hair and all you could do was gape at him as he started confessing to you. “Remember when we danced? In Madripoor? Doll…I don’t wanna dance ever again if it’s not with you. I fucking love you, Y/N. And not in the way we’ve said it before. I’m in love with you. I have been for-for a while now. I just - you were Steve’s. Steve loved you and you loved Steve and that was that and I was just the broken childhood best friend. But Steve left and he told me to take care of you and I didn’t know what to do with that, because you still love Steve. I think. I dunno. And I didn’t want to break what we have because you’re all I have left of him. You and that stupid shield. You’re my family. My home. I really meant it when I told you that. And that’s why I couldn’t tell you. Because it means too much for me to break what we have because I fell in love with my best friend’s girl. You know?”

He looked at you with pleading eyes, begging you to understand, but your brain was still trying to process what he was telling you.

“Oh God…” He groaned. “And now I just told you everything and you’re looking at me like that wasn’t what you wanted to hear and now I’m thinking this wasn’t the conversation you were thinking it was going to be-”

You were moving across the room before you could stop yourself, pulling him by the teal Henley you knew was comfortable having worn it to bed before when you visited him in New York, and slanting your lips over his.

His breathing hitched and he froze, and for a hot second you thought you made everything worse, but then he was kissing you back and his hands were on your hips and he was pulling you closer and it felt so fucking good you didn’t want to pull back for air.

“Shut up.” You muttered when you finally did pull back, your forehead against his, your eyes clenched shut. “Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.” You pulled back to look up at him, chests heaving against each other, your eyes prickling. “I’m not good at this. I’m not good at opening up. I only ever was good at it with Steve but Bucky…I’ve been doing it with you. This whole time and I didn’t even realize it until the conversation in the car.”

He reached up to cup your cheeks, wiping away the relieved tears that were falling from the weight you were finally getting off your chest.

“I love you. I’m in love with you. How could I not be? After all that time in Wakanda? I was never Steve’s girl, Bucky. I wanted to be. Dammit, did I wanna be, but I wasn’t. Not really. And he’s gone. But you’re not. And I don’t know why it took me so long to see that. That you’re the one in front of me. You’re the one who held me when I needed it once he left. You’re the one that would listen to my rambles that I’m just realizing was most of our phone calls. You’re not just the broken childhood friend. Don’t ever think that. I don’t pick up the phone at five in the morning after searching for a friend until two for just anyone. Even Steve’s best friend. And I’m such an idiot because I’ve been pushing away my feelings all these years for Steve and then I let them out with you at the wrong time, because I love Steve, Bucky, but I’m not in love with him. Not since I fell in love with you. And I know it doesn’t make sense, but Steve was the first one I cared about and that’s just how I feel and I can try to explain, but-”

His lips crashed onto yours again and you could taste the salty tears that were pouring down your cheeks, but you didn’t care. He was holding you and he was kissing you and it was even more perfect than you thought it’d be.

“You’re adorable when you ramble, but Jesus Christ, shuddup, doll.” He breathed. “Just tell me you love me. Tell me you love me just a fraction of how much I love you.”

You looked up into those ocean eyes, your own shining with earnest affection. “James Buchanan Barnes. I love you.”

“That’s all I need to know.” He murmured against your lips, holding your head against his, still wiping away your tears. It felt like with each one that fell, you felt lighter and lighter. Like they were taking away every fear and anxiety you held within you for the past six months.

“Alright! I was thinking we could just set up in these trees out here - holy shit! Is it done? Did you do it? Did I miss it? Has the conversation been had?”

Bucky chuckled as you giggled. “He has the worst timing.” The last two words were loud enough so Sam could hear, although the man heard the whole sentence. 

“I’m gonna take that as a yes!” Sam cheered. “Halle-fucking-lujah! Finally! I was that close to locking you two in the attic.”

You shook your head at Sam’s personal celebration, drowning the rest of his words out as you looked at Bucky, who swept his thumb over your cheek catching one last tear, before pecking your lips.

“I finally get to kiss where I really want to.” He spoke softly, kissing your lips again. “Are you mine, doll?”

“I thought you said I’d always be your doll.” You answered cheekily. He grinned, kissing you again, pulling you against him by the hips.

“Okay, okay! That’s enough! We get it! You’re in love, finally, but I don’t wanna see it anymore! Now will you come help me with this shit?”

Bucky left one more lingering kiss on your lips, before you pushed him away reluctantly. “I’ll be right out.”

He nodded, moving over to help Sam carry the things he’d gathered.

You watched them put it all up from the window, gnawing on your cheek as you spun your phone in your hands. Coming to a decision, you tossed your phone in the duffle bag and walked out with it just as the boys finished.

“That was a quick phone call.” Sam raised an eyebrow.

You shrugged. “Didn’t call them. If they really need me, they’ll find me.”

Bucky grinned as you set the bag down under a tree, pecking your lips when you got close enough for him to grab by the waist to hold you against him. You rolled your eyes, shoving him playfully away and giggling as Sam let out a groan.

“Alright. Let’s see what you’ve got, Sammy.”

~

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

Bucky knew he needed the tough love talk Sam was giving him. He needed to hear it. Because, deep down, he had known it all along, he just refused to believe it. He tried doing it. Making amends. He knew he wasn’t though. And of course he knew immediately who that one person would be.

“And hey.” Bucky looked at him. “Let me tell you what. Telling my girl all that you told her? That’s a good start. I’m proud of you. Both of you. You’re already happier. I can see it in your eyes.”

Bucky chuckled, shaking his head as he thought of the gorgeous woman he nearly let slip through his fingers. He looked over to the house, where she was inside somewhere getting ready after suddenly deciding she needed to shower before they left. “I was stupid.”

“Yeah you were. You both were. I’m so relieved it’s over.” Sam nudged him. “Treat her right, Buck. She deserves it.”

“I know…I just hope I can.”

Sam shook his head. “Uh-uh. Don’t do that. You were just starting to use that cyborg brain of yours! She chose you. And before you say anything,” Sam cut Bucky off from speaking as he opened his mouth to object. “She chose you before Steve left. It just took her dumbass this long to realize it.”

Bucky nodded, a small smile on his face. “Yeah…okay…” Before he could say anything, the goddess herself stepped out, jogging over, looking absolutely amazing in her jeans and his t-shirt. “Good talk.”

Sam laughed at his quick ending of the conversation as she came up besides them. “Talking about me?” She asked cheekily, eyes shining. Bucky couldn’t help but take her under his arm, pecking her lips. Now that he could, he didn’t think he could stop. He was addicted to say the least.

Throwing Bucky a wink, Sam shrugged. “Just all the things that get on our nerves.”

“Ha ha.” She rolled her eyes. “We better get going.”

Bucky and Sam clapped hands. “You know Karli won’t quit.”

Bucky smiled. “Ah. You call us when you have a lead and we’ll be there.”

Y/N stepped forwards to give Sam a hug. “Anytime, Sammy.”

“Eh. Anytime between noon and midnight.” Bucky corrected. “Or noon and ten. Noon and five…you better just call at noon to be safe.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Sure, sure.”

“Not necessarily as a team.” Bucky continued, grabbing the bag, getting Y/N back in her spot at his side under his arm.

“Nope!”

“We’re not that good.”

“Definitely not.”

“We’re professionals.”

“Definitely.”

“And, uh, we’re partners.”

Sam snapped, pointing at him. “Coworkers.”

“But we’re also a couple of guys with a couple mutual friends.”

“Ones now gone and you’re dating the other.”

“So we’re a couple of guys…with a badass to help out.”

“I can live with that.”

“Perfect.”

“Oh my God.” Y/N let out that laugh Bucky could never get enough of, shaking her head at the two of them. “You forgot dumbasses.”

Sam shook his head. “Nuh-uh. That’s your couple name.”

“Dumbasses?”

“Oh yeah.” The three of them came to a stop, Bucky and his girl - God he loved confirming it now - facing Sam. “Thanks for the help, guys. Meant a lot.”

Bucky patted his shoulder. “Of course.”

Y/N shot him a wink. “Until we meet again, Sammy.”

“Until then, cher.”

Bucky couldn’t stop his grin as she wrapped her arms around his waist, the two of them starting to walk to the main road where she already ordered an Uber. He looked down at her, kissing her lips for the nth time in the past hour.

“I wish I didn’t wait so long,” he told her seriously. “But I’d wait a thousands more centuries if it meant I get to call you mine.”

She giggled, shaking her head. “You’re such a sap! But…” she moved up to kiss him and his heart stuttered. He knew he had a goofy grin on when she pulled back, but he couldn’t help it. Especially when she laughed again. “I have to agree with you on that, Buckaroo.”