#so many emotions and I wish I could stay online!!

[sainz100]

2024 Abu Dhabi GP | x

[nicromancytarot]

WHAT WILL YOUR FANS THINK OF YOU?

This is a general reading based on a collective of people. Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. If you don’t feel the pile resonates with you, don’t be scared to try another, if it still doesn’t feel right, that’s ok! Maybe our energies aren’t as connected and my readings are not for you.

I do these strictly for fun and educational purposes. I do not charge for these readings, and I do not fake readings. I would tell you the cards I get for the readings, but I pull like 15-20 cards each reading and that is just slightly a strenuous task to write them all down lmao.

PICK A CARD TAROT READING

I asked my spirit guides what your fans would think of you if/when you become famous, pick a picture to find out what they have to say!

Pile 1 ———> Pile 2 ———> Pile 3

PILE 1

They’ll think you have a very good work ethic, and that you a perfect balance between what you show online and what you hide behind the scenes. They’ll respect you for showing your struggles and helping them stay motivated, you could teach them some valuable lessons, directly or not, it’ll stick with them for years. They may think that you’re a bit impulsive and quick to act on things. You could get into a fair amount of public disputes which stresses them out since they have to be there to defend you. Their may be some times that they see you as someone they want to become, however it seems they believe your life is so far out of their reach. They definitely gossip about you a lot on social media, to their friends or family, heavy energy of telling all third parties about you, whether they wish to hear it or not. They view you as someone who has everything, and they may sometimes think you are a tad ungrateful, that’s only for those of you who won’t share your personal struggles online, they’ll just be a few lines blurred between truths and their interpretations about you. The reason they feel all of this is because they see you working really hard to appease to your audience, and sometimes they may think you stress out about their perception about you, not knowing that they plan on sticking around for as long as you let them.

PILE 2

For a lot of you, you’re in an industry where your personal struggles are seen, whether you right music or books about your trauma, or you talk on a podcast which expresses your truest emotions, some of them pity you; not in a patronising way, rather a way or recognising everything that you were unfortunate enough to live through, and they respect your perseverance for it. They may have noticed that you popped up spontaneously, some of you could even be an industry plant and they’re confused about where you came from lmao. I see that they may gatekeep you for a while, making fun of anyone who didn’t know you before your most viral content/project came out and everyone started to recognise you as a creator or artist, you may need to control this to make sure it doesn’t spiral out of control and get toxic. They see you as someone they look up to and feel mentally, emotionally and spiritually in touch with, someone who understands them on deeper levels that no one else ever has, you’re their home. Your fans feel like you’ve lived many lives and you know the world like the back or your hand; they look up to you for advice and ideas, they trust your judgement more than anything, they do have the tendency to follow you blind. For some of you, they may struggle or flat out refuse to hold you accountable for your actions if you make a mistake, so make sure to remind them that you are human and they should call you out if you slip up. Super defensive over you, they will attack anyone who slanders your name - again, this can be good, however just ensure it doesn’t spiral out of control.

PILE 3

Well my pile 3, they feel a lot. Firstly, a large amount of them are parasocial, very sorry, just got to give that to you. You could be known for your appearance or something along those lines, and they are very, very attracted to you, which leads them to being a tad too parasocial here. I see they would defend you with sticks and stones if you gave them the chance, there is nothing to stop them from sticking up for you against those pesky trolls. They’re also keyboard warriors, so you may wanna ensure your fandom are not blabbing their mouths about other fandoms, just for the sake of keeping everything comfortable and healthy. Some of you, if not most could post vlogs or TikToks that resemble a FaceTime call, and this could make them feel attached to you and as if you are their friend. They respect your work a lot, they may constantly beg for you to release more of what you do, they’re waiting on their hands and knees for your next drop. They are making you a shit ton of money, rewatching all your videos a million times, going to all your concerts, travelling the world to be at your meet and greets. They’re very obsessive, so you may wanna back down a little on how much personal stuff you post. You could also be a streamer, and that’s making them feel more connected as they get to see the uncut 1-5 hours of your life, again feeding their parasocial desire. They have a name for themself that they go by, and a fair amount of them may call you a parental name “mother,” “father,” “parent.”

[beemochi-art]

For the Character: twitch 8, thrash 2, nightshade 18, hashtag 20, jawbreaker 21 and slipstream 14.

For the Ship Forte-verse Jazz/prowl D and for the author 🌍

2) First time meeting their best friend

Thrash first time meeting his best friends is when the Malto adopted him. Robby and Mo aren’t just his siblings but his best friends.

HOWEVER! Thrash was ecstatic to meet JB. They are connected to each other through an emotional bond and became friends quickly.

8) First time they took a risk, or the biggest risk they've ever taken

Teaching herself how to fly. None of the autobots fly, Wheeljack tried his best to help her but unfortunately he wasn’t successful at teaching something he doesn’t know. She had to learn herself, and with a lot of practice (and being a bit of an extremist.) she got it.

14) First time facing their fears

Slipstream isn’t necessarily scared of concepts she is instead more scared of certain people. She is afraid of Megatron most of all. She most of the time stayed out of his way. But When Megatron was going to kill Starscream she couldn’t stand by. She shielded Starscream with her body, this decision could have killed her but instead Megatron spared Starscream. She still got hit but at least her dad is alive, though he probably wished he was dead during the beating. Though she faced Megatron she is still scared.

18) First example of real character growth along their journey

(SMALL RANT. I am very upset on the treatment of Nightshade by both the fandom and the writers, l wont start on my issues with the fandom cause those issues aren’t relevant here. I wanted so desperately for Nightshade to be an actual character, and for season one they were but after that it was just over, no more problems, no more contemplating issues. Unfortunately like most Lgbtq characters, they are turned into a place holder, just a box to check on the pandering list. It seems like now nightshade is just the person with the remote that fixes everything, part of the reason why I like Earthspark Expeditions is Nightshades dialogue when you screw up. Nightshade pull no punches on making you feel bad, which is something that happened to me a lot cause I was really bad at those side quests. But even though they weren’t a playable character they still felt like more then a place holder, that bot can be sassy. And I loved it. But alas, it’s probably too much to expect a company to make actual Lgbtq characters like normal character. Regardless I feel like it is important to include lgbtq characters in media)

ANYWAY!! Nightshade came online and was alone, they saw the decepticons destroying everything/ some decepticons seeing Nightshade as vermin and the Autobots fighting back in a brutal way. They recognized that they were a similar species to the cybertronians but renounce they’re ferocity and brutal ways. Nightshade also learn the hard way that humans aren’t that different either. Feeling alone and confused about the world around them, they decided they would just live solitary. Until that option wasn’t available anymore due to the decepticons. Nightshade left with no better option followed Twitch to the Autobot base. Nightshade was stand-offish and sometimes mean. Throughout they’re adventures they learn that the Autobots are here to protect them and may not be right all the time but are trying. Nightshade connected with Bumblebee, they have many similarities. Nightshade also come to sympathies with some cons as well. Nightshade wants gets inspired to want things to change in peaceful way… there has to be a way.

20) First time they felt accepted/welcomed by another character

Hashtag had to be rescued from a M.E.C.H base. Being forced to fight both autobots and decepticons, She was very confused, aggressive and didn’t really know anything. She did know the bots she had an emotional connection with were apart of her in some ways and could be trusted. She didn’t really like humans either, so when Thrash took all the Terrans back to the Malto home she stay around the woods near their home.

It took lots of time but the Terrans as a collective brought her out of her shell and made her feel safe. They told her that technically she was the reason they all were together now. They may have never met if she didn’t call to them.

21) First major change in their life, and how they dealt with it

Jawbreaker leaving the decepticons. He had too. He needed to go find what was calling to him. But that wasn’t the only reason. He knew Megatron is wrong, maybe he was right a long time ago but now it’s wrong. Jb barely understands anything about the War but he has seen people get hurt, he’s been hurt.

Jb took a risk and left without looking back. He mostly keeps to himself about his decision but sometimes struggles with it and wants to go back. He’s not dealing with it too good, but he’s got his siblings to lean on when he needs it. He just hopes those he left behind are doing ok.

D) First kiss

After a couple of dates and Jazz egging Prowl on. Prowl went to kiss him, unfortunately there was more then his nerves getting in the way.

🌍 - First attempt at worldbuilding, or a notable piece of worldbuilding you're proud of

A personal series I have which has OOTALS AND OOTALS of of world building that I am proud of. I love this story and I’ve had it for years, probably one of the early stories I’ve made. It’s called Wolfram.

Tf stuff has definitely helped my world building skill.

[mallgothyamaguchi]

ive seen that all of your bookmarks are tskym and you dont have many of them (not that thats a bad thing!!!) could you give a bookmark tour and like give a reveiw of each?

ofc! tsukkiyama bookmark tour begin!

autumn by windofjune - this fic is ongoing but i'm just totally in love with the author's writing style. essentially, tsukishima and yamaguchi have had mutual feelings for a long time, but nothing was ever acted upon, so in college, they begin to drift apart from one another even when living in the same apartment. tsukishima faces an injury to his knee and yamaguchi gets dumped by his boyfriend, leading to their slow-burning reconciliation as they both recover from their emotional and physical injuries. everything is so beautifully written and i'm not-so-patiently waiting for chapter 8 hehe

Sleeping Habits by BlueColoredDreams - piece written in a series of vignettes as tsukishima and yamaguchi grow older, ending in their high school years. very sweet and very fluffy. i'm a snuggler, so any fic that involves sleeping and cuddling, i'm there.

(Not) A bad day by WhereDoesTheTimeGo - yamaguchi has a bad day, and all of his insecurities bubble up, so tsukishima comforts him. they both have their own self-doubts and insecurities unveiled, but everything's okay with a snuggle and first kiss. you will notice there is a pattern in my fic tastes, lol.

Home Is Where The Heart Is by Pepper_Moon - very short and sweet domestic fic about the two moving in together in a cottage in the countryside after marrying. artist yamaguchi and writer tsukishima. SO COTTAGECORE. the author is also currently writing a chaptered piece for day 1 of tsukkiyama week i'm very much looking forward to reading!

just ourselves by beefybuttlord - another short and sweet fic where hinata asks yamaguchi what his relationship with tsukishima really is. essentially it's a "what are we" fic. puts how i think their canon relationship is in 800 words.

hottaru-kun by palebluestings - very much plays around with the significance of names and naming conventions in japanese culture, and the different ways kanji can be read. tsukishima has started calling yamaguchi 'tadashi', but yamaguchi still calls him 'tsukki'. also, cue tsukishima being a little jealous of yamaguchi hanging out with his brother. it's a cute and thoughtful fic.

The sign on your heart said it's still reserved for me. by yamaguchiforpresident - as they get older, yamaguchi gets more and more attention from girls (and guys), and by their third year, tsukishima realizes he's in love with his best friend. lots of pining from tsukishima, and does he do anything about it? hmmm... a little bit of yamayama (at least from tsukishima's perspective), so yet again, jealous tsukishima >:)

Won't You Stay For The Ride? (The Views Will Be Nice) by xxet - self-hating tsukishima begins to have his walls broken down by yamaguchi as they grow up. tsukishima is totally whipped, and everyone knows. flips back and forth between past and present throughout. good mix of fluff and angst.

i wish to be found by TheFledglingDM - ok this one isn't in my bookmarks but i'm actually obsessed with this fic i'm shocked i didn't bookmark it. essentially a 'You've Got Mail' au, where yamaguchi is a small bookstore owner who took it over after his mother passed and tsukishima is a financial executive for a chain bookstore with aspirations to become a published author. when tsukishima helps to make the decision to put a store location near yamaguchi's bookstore, yamaguchi fears he may be put out of business. unknowingly, for a whole year prior, they've been online best friends over discord. mistaken identity, enemies to lovers, influence of and allusions to pride & prejudice, what more could you want from a fic? so skillfully written. i will never shut up about it. i finished it a month ago and i think about it every other day.

hope you enjoyed my thoughts on these fics! honestly, i haven't been reading many fics recently since life got pretty busy and then that makes me pretty tired and i've been very focused on writing my own fics...but! with all the entries for tsukkiyama week i have so much new content to read. i'm still pretty new to ao3 (it's been a little over a year since i started reading fics on there), so that kind of explains why my bookmarks list is pretty short, and also i tend to bounce between different forms of reading like manga to physical books to fanfiction. kind of just depends on what my mood is at the moment. now that i've started writing, i've really been fueling my tsukkiyama brainrot into that, lol. when it's slow at work, i'm collecting ideas in my brain for them.

bottomline: tsukkiyama will always and forever be my #1, so if there's a fic i'm reading it and if they have zero fans, i'm dead.

[black-arcana]

LACUNA COIL Announces 'Sleepless Empire' Album, Shares New Single 'Oxygen'

Italian metal titans LACUNA COIL will release their tenth studio album, "Sleepless Empire" — their first collection of new songs since 2019's "Black Anima" — on February 14th, 2025 via Century Media Records. The official music video for the LP's latest single, "Oxygen", filmed in Latina and directed by Daniele Tofani, that shows singer Cristina Scabbia in the lead role, will make its online debut today at 9 a.m. PDT / 12 p.m. (noon) EDT.

Scabbia commented on the track and her experience filming the video: "'Oxygen' is a powerful exploration of emotional struggle and inner conflict. The lyrics convey a sense of drowning in a toxic environment, both literally (in the video) and metaphorically, where attempts at salvation, represented by 'oxygen' are somehow futile. This song encapsulates the feeling of struggling to break free from what holds us down, when the journey is filled with difficulty. It's a raw anthem of vulnerability, resilience, and the courage to face what seems insurmountable. Having to stay in the water for so many hours during the video shoot was cathartic for me, the realization that the pleasant sensation of floating could in an instant become dangerous and deadly if I wasn't careful was very fitting with the song's theme."

Inspiration to create "Sleepless Empire" came during the sessions for "Comalies XX" (2022),the acclaimed remake of LACUNA COIL's breakthrough third record "Comalies". Writing and recording took place in northern Italy between Milano (the band's hometown) and Como, where SPVN Studios are located. As with their previous albums, production was done in house with Marco "Maki" Coti Zelati at the helm, and artwork was hand curated by the talented Italian artist Roberto Toderico. Two other very special talents enrich the album, namely the guest vocalists: LAMB OF GOD's Randy Blythe on the song "Hosting The Shadow" and NEW YEARS DAY's Ash Costello on "In The Mean Time".

As a token of the band's love for the gaming world (which we've seen in past endeavors such as their card game "Horns Up" and their collaboration with Zombicide for which they wrote the track "Never Dawn"),the band have created an oracle "game" to be played with custom made dice available only in the box set version of "Sleepless Empire".

The new album is comprised of 11 tracks; each one is a richly textured soundtrack to a specific time and place. With "Sleepless Empire", that place is dark, cinematic, and unmistakably true to the unique characteristics that have given LACUNA COIL such a celebrated entry in the annals of heavy music.

The band shares: "'Sleepless Empire' captures, through our eyes, the chaos of a generation trapped in a digital world that never stops, where social media consumes identity and every day pushes us one step closer to becoming soulless zombies. We find ourselves in between, having witnessed a full analogic world and the modern one, confronting the evolution and searching for a true meaning of it all. Throughout every song, the journey is an undercurrent of rebellion, a desperate cry to reclaim oneself in an era that seems to have lost its sense of time and reality."

"Sleepless Empire" track listing. 01. The Siege. 02. Oxygen. 03. Scarecrow. 04. Gravity. 05. I Wish You Were Dead. 06. Hosting The Shadow (feat. Randy Blythe). 07. In Nomine Patris. 08. Sleepless Empire. 09. Sleep Paralysis. 10. In The Mean Time (feat. Ash Costello). 11. Never Dawn

Later this month, LACUNA COIL will embark on a tour of U.K. and Ireland with Finland's BLIND CHANNEL. Tickets are available here.

LACUNA COIL played its first concert with the band's new touring guitarist — whose name has not yet been disclosed — on August 4 at the Rockstadt Extreme Fest in Râșnov, Romania.

This past June, LACUNA COIL announced the departure of guitarist Diego Cavallotti.

Cavallotti, who joined LACUNA COIL in 2016, initially as a fill-in guitarist following the exit of Marco "Maus" Biazzi, later said in a social media post that "this decision is not the result of my dissatisfaction or desire to explore new opportunities."

When LACUNA COIL announced Cavallotti's departure on June 17, the band wrote in a statement: "As we step into a new cycle, writing and recording our next album, we are parting ways with Diego 'DD' Cavallotti. We thank him for the many unforgettable moments shared over the years and wish him the best of luck in his future endeavours."

All future live plans remain unchanged and the new songs are taking form, we can't wait to share them with our fans."

LACUNA COIL recently completed the "Ignite The Fire" U.S. tour with support from NEW YEARS DAY and OCEANS OF SLUMBER.

"Comalies XX" was made available on October 14, 2022 via Century Media Records.

LACUNA COIL celebrated the 20th anniversary of "Comalies", by performing it in its entirety at a one-night-only concert on October 15, 2022 at Fabrique in Milano.

"Comalies" was originally released on October 29, 2002 through Century Media Records. The LP, which featured the band's breakthrough single "Heaven's A Lie", has reportedly gone on to sell over 300,000 copies in the United States alone.

Photo credit: Cunene

[seaweedbraens]

Hi! I've been following your fics for a few years now and I was just wondering, do you have any tips for new writers? Specifically for fics that is. Any advice from planning a fic outline to just general writing advice would be hella appreciated!!

hello!!! welcome to fic, we're super happy to have you here <3 i'd love to drop you some 'tips' (i am using quotes because i am not sure if im qualified to give advice - and i'm not sure if it'll work, but here is what works for me!)

when i outline fics, i almost always know what my starting and ending is. i've definitely mentioned this before but i always always know my endling LINE, i dont start writing a fic if i don't know where it's gonna end up. again, this may not be you, so dont panic if it isn't! this is just how i begin.

since my fics are on the...ahem, lengthier side, i usually have 'sections' of content between my beginning and end. i write down (usually by hand, but it doesnt matter what you use tbh) significant 'events' or 'goals' of the section. for instance, as i was writing my bigfic (we could walk straight through hell (with a smile)) one of my chapter outlines looked like this:

since this fic used multiple character POVs, i also made sure to label which section was being seen through which character's eyes. sometimes, as i'm making my sections, i'll get inspiration for dialogue, and i include that too. as you can see above, i also highlighted sections as i completed them, though that's just more to keep track than anything else.

i wish i could give you more insight into writing, but really the biggest piece of advice i can give is to keep reading. reading fic is good but reading books is even better because you'll learn so many words, absorb so many kinds of writing styles, and learn what you like and what you don't like and patterns that you'll settle into. i have to confess i dont read much these days, which i need to change, but i used to be a voracious reader, and that definitely helped me as a writer.

i've been writing fic for a long time, though. so when it comes to writing fic in particular, i am a huge advocate for a couple of things (and these are pretty general, not necessarily writing-related):

don't force yourself to write!! sometimes you just arent feeling it and thats okay. i write in insane spurts - as i wrote wcwsthwas i occasionally pumped out 10k in a single sitting - but i go months and months without writing in between. if you're in a rut i don't think you need to force yourself out of it, because more often than not i've found myself dissatisfied with my work when i do force myself to write. as creatives, burnout is common, but because this is fic we're lucky enough that we operate on our own schedule. we don't need to push ourselves to write if we don't have to. but trust me, when you feel the urge to start writing again, it's wonderful, and the words will flow out of you!! just make sure you

stay inspired! again, reading good books helps you expand your own vocabulary, and it'll come in handy when you find yourself needing to write descriptions. observe the world around you, learn movements and expressions and how things and people tick. explore writing prompts and see what inspires you best (i took one look at soulmate au prompts and never looked back). it's cool to be inspired by fellow creatives online (just make sure to give credit if needed) but also try to be inspired by yourself! a lot of my fics stem from my own experiences and thoughts and emotions, and i think to some degree that resonates with people, which is always great. try to examine things on a deeper level. draw on memories from your own life and they'll hit more often than they miss. think about what makes your hurt, and rage, and cry, and flinch, and smile. remember the little things that make interactions so special. when you put yourself in a character's shoes in a certain situation, question why they'd act or react a certain way. and make sure

you do you. if your work doesn't sound beautiful and prose-y, that's fiiine. it's okay to keep it simple!! it was a bitter pill to swallow and it took me many years, but i have finally realized that my strengths as a writer are in my dialogue and emotional dump-writing. i don't think i'll be ever to be one of those poetic writers who can pull words from the trails of your thoughts like a some kind of sick magical literary genius. i have some friends who just. they write so BEAUTIFULLY and i'm so envious of them, but that's their strength, and i have my own. remember that!! and please for the love of god

don't worry about stats. write for YOU. this may sound lofty but i can't stress this enough. i was unfortunate to start writing fic when i was very young, and as a competitive little brat i was obsessed with the numbers. i desperately tracked every comment and like and favorite and follow. i let that dictate my writing, because i knew that if i wrote a certain way, made fics extra fluffy or whatever, they'd draw in more comments. i'd force myself to write more, update fics to show how active i was as an author in the fandom, and in the end, that truly sucked out the joy of writing for me. i found other ways to channel my creativity for a long time and then returned to writing. now, i write when inspiration strikes, and to my surprise and joy people still want to read. i love when a fic does well, but it doesn't debilitate me if it doesn't. writing for yourself, and for the love of a good story, and for the love of the source material, and for the love of writing, will make you a better writer. and on that note:

quantity does not equal quality. i've been asked quite a bit how i write such long fic but that's largely because i like to read long fic. i like it when a story is build up and fleshed out and you end up knowing everything about everyone. i like drawing out moments, giving characters depth and thoughts and relationships. a lot of my fics are full of extra padding that goes into building character relationships and friendships, because as an only child they are super important to me. HOWEVER there is real fucking skill required to write a short fic. to fit a beginning and middle and end into the least amount of words possible. it's incredible, it's a skill i wish i had, and deserves every laurel that long fics get. as a writer, if you find your fic ending earlier than expected, that's fine. you don't need to add more words just for the sake of puffing up the wordcount. at the end of the day, if your story shines, that's all that matters, and readers will respond to it.

im not sure if this will help you but this is kind of the bulk of what i've learned all these years writing fic. at the end of it all, what works for me may not at all work for you, but i'm certain that with time, you'll find your groove and carve out a niche for yourself, just as we all have. just remember: have fun! the internet is batshit and sometimes not the best place but my time writing fic has exposed me to the most wonderful people. writing will help you learn and grow in ways you won't be able to foresee now - just go with the flow and take it all in as it comes! be positive, accept critique and feedback and learn from it, and stay enthusiastic about telling your stories. feel free to message me anytime, and please drop a link to your fic if you ever post :) i'd love to read it!

sorry for the late response, and for making you read this NOVEL, holy shit. haaave a good day/night <3

[football-and-fanfics]

Breaking Point - Mason Mount & Declan Rice

Who: Mason Mount, Declan Rice Prompt: Receiving (online) hate Requested by: anonymous Word count: 720 Warnings: mentions of mental struggle and receiving hate.

I need to see you.

Declan stared once more at the WhatsApp message he had received from Mason that morning. He had offered to videocall, but Mason had been adamant to make the drive from Manchester all the way up to London.

Declan frowned as he read those five words for the umpteenth time. It could mean anything, but somehow he had a bad feeling about this. He knew things hadn't been easy for Mason ever since his move to Manchester United, and he couldn't quite shake the feeling Mason had reached a breaking point.

---

Declan raced for the door as soon as the doorbell rang. He had barely opened the door, when Mason already pushed passed him.

"I've had enough! I don't understand why people would do this? What's the fun in being so hateful?! Don't they understand that we're people, too, with feelings?" Mason rambled uncontrollably, gesturing wildly with his hands, and pacing up and down the hallway of Declan's house. Declan closed the door behind them and slowly turned around to Mason. This was even worse than he had expected....

"Mase, calm down." Declan tried to ease his friend. "It's alright, I'm here. Please, tell me what happened." Mason stopped and fell silent. His hands shook with emotion and his eyes were wild. "I need it to... stop." His voice broke. "What, mate, what?" Declan asked desperately. He wanted nothing more than to help, there was no doubt Mason needed him right now, but if he could only find out what had happened to send Mason spiraling so out of control.

Mason ran a trembling hand through his hair, looking more disheveled that Declan had ever seen him. He gulped for air a few times, before he finally pulled his phone from the pocket of his jacket. He tapped on the screen a few times and then held it out to Declan. "Read it." Mason's voice sounded strained, laden with emotion.

Declan took the phone from Mason a little apprehensively. He wasn't sure what he was going to see, but he was damn sure he wasn't going to like it.

The screen showed the DM section of Mason's Instagram. Declan slowly scrolled through it and felt himself get more and more nauseous with each message he read. All of them contained so much hate, threats and wishes of all kinds of diseases upon Mason, each as revolting as the next.

"Mate..." Now it was Declan's voice that broke. "This is... beyond vile." Mason hung his head, slowly shaking it. "I can't take anymore. I need it to stop." "We're going to think of something." Declan recollected himself. "We'll make a plan on what to do. And, for starters, you're going to stay here with me for the next few days." "I can't," Mason sniffled, "I've got training." "No, you don't," Declan said resolutely, "I don't care how many calls you have to make, but you're taking a leave of absence, at least until after the weekend."

Mason glanced up at Declan. The man he's known for so long, whom he trusted with his life, and who knew him through and through. "I mean it." Declan looked dead-serious. "I'm not letting you drive back to Manchester in your current condition. Hell, it scares me that you already did it once!"

Mason blew out a deep breath. His shoulders sagged and his entire posture deflated like a balloon. The idea of crashing at Declan's for a few days, away from all those horrible messages and negativity, actually sounded like a blessing.

"Thank you." Mason swallowed hard to try and keep his tears in. Declan closed the space between them, resting his hands on Mason's shoulders. "It's hard, I know, but we're going to figure this out." Mason sniffled softly, before he nodded silently.

"Come on." Declan slung an arm around Mason's shoulders and guided him to the living room. "Take a seat. I'll make you some tea, and we're just going to take it easy for a little while, get you calmed down."

Mason couldn't even begin to express his gratitude towards Declan. But that was how deep their friendship went. Even left unspoken, they knew they meant the world to each other and that they could always rely on each other, during the good times and the bad.

Tags: @stonesyyyy, @footballffbarbiex, @football1921, @laurasstufff1, @juliabrghs, @nightlockcornucopia, @hbstre, @sarah10r-blog, @mountsgirlsblog

Add me to the tags list Mason Mount masterlist | Declan Rice masterlist | Full writing masterlist

[f1-disaster-bi]

could you do 'not wanting to let go hugs' & 'goodbye kisses' for lando and martin g? im kinda in a norrix craze rn 🥹🥹

Anon I am right there with you and this idea is so so so soft

His bags were packed by the door, but Lando made no move grab them. He had another few minutes before the airport transfer arrived and he almost cancelled it. He knew that on the other side of the door was reality, and he didn't want to go back to it. Lando loved his job. He knew how lucky he was to be where he was in his career when so many didn't make it, but that didn't make going back any easier. He wasn't just going back to his team and racing, but to the noise of the media circus. Back to the online abuse that would be throw his way for every little mistake, every time he didn't place above his team mate, and back to the comments that seemed to just be aimed at the fact that he exist. The break had been his sanctuary, and Lando didn't want to leave it or the man he had built it with. "Car will be here in ten" Martin spoke softly, pulling Lando out of his staring match with his cases as he looked at his boyfriend. Lando was still getting used to that term even though it had been months now. Sometimes he whispered it to himself when Martin was asleep, curled around him as if he was trying to protect him from the world, and Lando needed to hear the words outloud. The emotions in his chest were a tidal wave that threatened to drown him so Lando grabbed onto his life line as he pulled Martin into a tight hug. He buried his face in the other's shoulder, just trying to memorize the feeling of him in his arms. He breathed him in and tried squash the anxiety that was building in his chest at the thought of leaving him. Lando almost wished that he could leave the sport behind so he could keep this instead of shoving himself and Martin back in a closet until their next chance at stealing away together. He had joked once about retiring and being Martin's WAG that followed him to shows, and Martin had just pressed him into the mattress and told him he'd be the prettiest WAG before kissing him silly. They both knew Lando would never give this up until he was done racing. "Hey, it'll be okay", Martin whispered, holding him close, "It's not forever. Just a couple of weeks" Lando knew that. Realistically he did, but still, he held him closer because he didn't want to say goodbye. "Lando", Martin sounded so fond as his accent wrapped around his name, and it lodged itself in Lando's chest with the same warmth that everything Martin did, did. "I don't want to go", Lando mumbled into his shoulder as he squeezed his eyes shut. Martin's arms gripped him tighter. "And I don't want you to leave", he admitted as Lando sniffled, "but you have to" "I know. I know", Lando whispered as he pulled back and fuck why was he crying. When had he started crying? He hadn't really noticed it until Martin was brushing away the tears, "I just....I love you, yeah?" Martin's worried look shattered at the admission. A fond smile crept onto his lips, and there was this look in his eye that made Lando smile back as his stomach fluttered. "I love you too, dummy", Martin reassured, pulling him into a soft kiss, "We'll see each other soon, yeah?" Lando didn't answer as he felt his phone buzz letting him know his car had arrived. He just wrapped his arms around Martin's neck and pulled him into a long, slow kiss. One that all those romcom movies had people gushing over. Lando never saw himself as that type of guy, but Martin just brought it out of him. His phone buzzed again. This time with a call from the service. "Jeddah, yeah?", Martin whispered as he pulled back. Tongue brushing his bruised lips, and they both pretended not to see the tears in Martin's eyes as Lando wiped away the last of his own. "Jeddah", Lando confirmed, kissing his cheek once more before he turned away to grab his bags. It was time to return to reality no matter how much they both wanted to stay.

[chaoticdaydreamingmess]

Should I post about my barely scratched at Smiling Critters AU?

(All of what I've done can/could change but as of right now..) The short run down is half of them are vampires (Catnap, Kicken, Hoppy, Crafty), half of them are not (Picky is a detective, Dogday and Bubba are Vampire hunters, Bobby is the determined "damsel".)

It is very Ship heavy because I like that stuff. It's main is of course Dogday and Catnap. Then there's StarStudent, then Picky and Crafty. Hoppy and Bobby are an iffy on if I wanna make it a ship or keep it as friends (probably will stay as friends in this AU.). But anyway... Um...

Some rambling kinda rant-ish under the cut I did to get my emotions out.

It has major shipping in it since I get sucked into that stuff easily when my brain goes "these characters are now going to be your main source of daydreaming, coping, and happiness and stuff" and while I follow people that make me feel good about shipping em all, and see so many people sharing in the varried possibilities and fun make believe, all it takes is that one post, comment, thing, to send ya back into a "stop it, your disgusting, don't do anything online, don't interact with anyone, you should actually hurt yourself for shipping them at all, blah blah blah" spiral, and the thing is you don't even feel that way towards the people you look at, just upset and mad at yourself and then more mad because that thing is the biggest reason you now feel you can't or shouldn't risk making an AU or having fun with the characters like you see so many others where they don't harm anyone.

Anyway this is me trying to convince myself to do it because I really do want to. I missed my chance at all my other fandoms since I'm no longer in that same high for them unfortunately, but my stupid brain needs some semblance of validation that I can indeed do what I want, I'm allowed to be weird, I'm allowed to have fun, I'm allowed to share it with others, I'm allowed to want to see others' reactions to it while wishing for good reactions and them to enjoy my self indulgence with me, not to mention this is tumblr I shouldn't hold back.

Anyway sorry about the rambling needed to get it all out. Saw something saying it was disgusting to ship Catnap with anyone and any of them in general, so that dampened my mood RIGHT when I was about to try and finally post something on my own kinda ship indulgent Smiling Critters AU. So this rambling is me deciding to be raw and also try and rise my mood a little bit.

Anyway that's all now. I'm done now. Just... I'ma go drown in the lovely art and posts of people I follow that ship the Smiling Critters, to try and feel better and less icky.

[pawpupster]

Sick Day

I had a dream the other night and realized I have been so terribly inactive on Tumblr and figured I could just put this out there. Completely take a turn in my account. So, I do realize this is so incredible niche. Do I care? No. Do I hope people like it? Obviously. Anyway, I hope this finds people who at least respect the vision lmao.

Summary: Y/N Swift-Styles (adoptive if you would please, bc shes like 16) spends the day in the Reynolds' house because Harry is across the world and Taylor has places to be and people to see (not in a bad way, she's a very good mom).

Disclaimers: nothing really, sicky stuff like sneezing and a puke bucket, no actual throwing up though. Other than that it's just cute family stuff and maybe a smidge of going crazy in emotional haze. Also, I totally made stuff up and did very little research. I am by no means pretending I know anything about these peoples lives.

Pay no mind to any spelling mistakes, sorry <3

Feel free to leave any constructive criticism, love that stuff truly

Sick Day

Y/N woke up with a very very stuffy nose. Not out of the norm if she’s completely honest, especially this time of year. Goddamn seasonal allergies amiright? However, the headache and full body chills is what allerted her that she could most certainly not go with her mom to the studio today and hang out doing online school like planned. 

Y/N walked into the living room where Taylor was collecting her sheet music and trying to put her many many sets of lyrics into order. 

“Moooommmm, *sniffle* I don’t feel good,” Y/N said as she plucked a tissue from the end table. 

Taylor whipped her head around when she heard her daughter's groggy voice. Quickly standing from the couch, she hurried towards her daughter and held her shoulder as she blew her nose. 

“Oh you poor thing, let me check your temperature,” rushing off to the bathroom, Taylor quickly returned with a thermometer and had Y/N put it under her tongue. Guiding her daughter to the couch, she grabbed the thermometer back and saw 100*f showing back. Grabbing Y/N’s shoulder and tugging her under her arm into a hug, Taylor began to think through her options. 

“Oh sweetheart, I feel terrible leaving you here alone like this, do you feel comfortable being alone, or I could maybe call Blake and see if you could go over to theirs?” Taylor made sure Y/N’s eyes were actually focussed on her as she asked. 

“No, I don’t want the kiddos to get sick *sniffle*,” was her response as she shoved her face into her mom’s side.

Little did she know Taylor was already ringing Blake to make sure her baby wasn’t left alone while she went to the studio. 

“Hey, hey, hey! What’s up?” Blake exclaimed as she answered the phone. Taylor was disappointed to hear that she was obviously calling from a car.

“Y/N is sick but I need to go to the studio and Travis is obviously not here, and Harry is pointless to contact because he’s even more so not here. I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind taking her for a bit just so I know she's eating and not going to pass out, but I can hear your driving– “ Taylor was cut off by Blake. 

“Oh my poor fifth child. I wish I could, but me and the kiddos are on our way to my sister's house at the moment. BUT! Ryan is home right now and I’m sure he’d be more than happy to take her. He’s just doing some last minute line stuff and making sure he’s got his shit together before his meeting with the Marvel people Thursday. Hanging out with Y/N won’t bother him at all.”

“Oh, no no. That’s not necessary. I wouldn't want to bother him with this, I got it handled– “ again Taylor was cut off. 

“Hang on girl, we’re your village right now. A village that's happy to help I assure you. I'll call Ryan and have him call you. Don’t you sweat,” Blake hung up before Taylor got the chance to argue again.

All Taylor could do was sit and wait for Ryan to call and hopefully convince him it wasn’t necessary and she could have her personal assistant stay with Y/N for a few hours then cut her studio day short. 

Taylor glanced down at Y/N, it seems she had fallen back to sleep against her mothers side. That was okay, as long as she was comfortable Taylor was happy. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by her phone ringing with Ryan’s contact popping up on the screen. She quickly answered and was prepared to start her speech but Ryan had begun before she could. She swore, the more she talked to him, the more it seemed like Deadpool was him and he was Deadpool.

“Hello Ms. Swift-Kelce, you've reached Ryans Daycare services, at what time will you be dropping off my fifth-favorite child (not that any of the other four are in any particular order mind you)?” He cheerfully greeted. 

“Ryan, seriously, as I told Blake, I don't want to disrupt you guys. She said you were busy, I don’t want to step on your toes,” Taylor responded exasperatedly, not taking the effort to comment on the Kelce name. She did however think to herself that she was happy she only had cats in addition to her one human child. 

“Um, no, sorry. The words ‘disrupt’ and ‘busy’ are not in my vernacular when pertaining to family and friends. Seriously, drop her off when you need to. I’ll get her set up in front of the tv with a bucket and pack of tissues and we can watch my entire filmography and it’ll make her good as new,” Ryan responded. Taylor swore she could feel his eye roll.

Heaving a sigh in response, Taylor finally conceded, “Okay, we’ll be by in a little over half an hour, I’ll have my driver take us by yours on the way to the studio. Thank you Ryan, I’ll make it up to you.”

“No thanks necessary, I will however accept a voucher that I can redeem on the day one of my kiddos graduates for a One Direction reunion at her grad party as payment,” he said cheekily, “see you in a half hour,” and hung up.

Once again heaving a sigh, Taylor resumed packing her papers into her bag while trying to keep Y/N asleep. Once ready, she began gently rubbing Y/N’s back to rouse her awake.

“C’mon hun, Ryans gonna take you for the day, okay?” Taylor put on her own shoes after handing Y/N’s to her. 

“Ooo! Okay *sniffle*, let me grab my phone and blow my nose one more time,” Y/N said as she headed back to her room. 

Once she came back, this time with her shoes on and phone in hand, the two made their way down to the lobby and were assisted into the back of Taylor's car.

Getting to the Reynolds house was quick work, though Y/N assumed that was mainly due to her hazy bouts of consciousness. God, she couldn’t wait to sink into their nice plush couch. 

There was something amazing about being taken care of like family by people who have no real obligation to you. Taylor and Harry were amazing parents. And Travis is iconic for sure. And Y/N was so so sure Kylie and Jason and their girls were gonna be phenomenal, but there was something so incredible about the Reynolds that has had her completely besotted since she met them. 

Maybe it was Ryans crack-head energy, or Blakes ever coolness, but they were definitely great people that Y/N was so happy her mom had in their lives. 

Speaking of, they were quietly pulling into their driveway now. Y/N could see Ryan opening the front door and standing there like a dork holding out a box of tissues like an offering. 

Taylor opened the door and made sure Y/N didn’t fall as she got out of the SUV. The two made their way to Ryan and Y/N happily took the offered box. 

“Sorry Blake and the munchkins aren't here kiddo, but you and I are gonna have the best movie marathon ever!” Ryan informed Y/N.

“You'll have more fun here than you would alone at home I’m sure, I’ll call the two of you when I’m on my way out of the studio alright?” Taylor got two nods in return. She made sure to thank Ryan a few more times, and kiss Y/N on the head, before making her departure back to the car. 

“Alright Y/N, let's get you set up on the couch,” Ryan helped Y/N through the door and lifted the fuzziest blanket she’s ever seen from the couch to make room for her to lay. 

After getting her situated, Ryan grabbed the TV remote and asked Y/N to pick what they’d be watching. After a few seconds of silence, Ryan turned to her and expected her to be asleep, that however, was not the case, and she was sitting there with tears brimming her water line. 

“Oh goodness sweetheart, what's wrong?! I’ve only had you five minutes and I’ve already caused tears,” Ryan sounded so in distress it was only causing Y/N to actually start crying. 

“I want to watch the gay boys,” she admitted very quietly after a few seconds of sniffling and one blowing of her nose into a tissue. 

“Okay, ….I’m going to need a tad more information than that darling,” Ryan responded, feeling very confused, “Are we talking actually gay like Red White and Royal Blue, or Heartstopper, or something more underlying homoerotic like the Newsies, or Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes?” 

Ryan patiently sat and waited for a response, even if he felt quite out of his depth. I mean, who is he to judge what her comfort movie or show is, really. 

“I don’t know,” Y/N responded with a stronger burst of tears this time. 

“Okay, okay,” Ryan took a deep breath and tried to think. He’s a girl dad, he can do this. If he can’t even do this now then what does that say for his future with his own kids. He can do this, “alright! How about I make a wheel? A nice little one from google. We can put all the movies or shows you want to watch in there and neither of us have to choose, how’s that sound?” 

Ryan was feeling quite proud of himself with this idea, and Y/N seemed to be pretty on board, but then her face pinched up, and he didn’t know what he’d do if she started crying again. 

Y/N quickly grabbed another tissue and sneezed. God she hated being sick. It made her so emotional with all the overstimulation of feeling hot then cold, and the tissues becoming rougher and rougher on her nose, and her ears keep popping. Ryans idea sounded glorious. A wheel of her favorite things so she’d be happy no matter the outcome AND she didn’t even have to choose herself. Yes please. 

Finding her phone in the cushions, Y/N searched through her imessages to find the list of movies she had sent her mom to be downloaded to her plane's video software. Handing it to Ryan, Y/N watched as his form instantly relaxed and he began typing the titles into the wheel as he said. Once finished, he handed her phone back and also gave her his own so Y/N could spin the wheel. 

Clicking the button, Y/N watched the movies go around and around. Ryan even tapping a drum roll out on his thighs to make Y/N giggle. Y/N was quite happy when the wheel stopped on X-Men: First Class. Nothing better than some Cherik and Jennifer Lawrence for when you’re sick. 

Taking his phone back, Ryan quickly got Disney+ up and running to play the movie. If he was feeling a little jealous that she preferred x-men over his own Deadpool that he snuck onto the wheel, well, that was for him and nobody else to know about. He personally loved watching Deadpool when feeling under the weather. 

Hopefully his new project will make it onto the list of her favorite underlying homoerotic movies. 

Once the movie was playing, the two settled down to watch with rapt attention. Ryan would sometimes be disrupted by Y/N sneezing beside him, but it was pretty smooth sailing through the beginning. Ryan could see Y/N’s head turning into the pillow before jerking up to the screen again, but didn’t pay it too much mind. She’d sleep in no time.

Only, he probably should’ve kept a closer eye. The next time her head jerked up was when the youngins were all giving each other nicknames. It was quite a cute moment really. Only, Ryan turned to Y/N and saw more tears welling up. 

“Oh gosh, what’s up honey?” Ryan asked, trying to sound as upbeat as he could through his panic.

“I missed when Logan told them to fuck off,” Y/N responded with a wavering voice. 

Ryan again felt incredible relief, “oh thats an easy fix, we can rewind no problem sweetheart,” Ryan leaned forward for the remote and began to rewind back to when Charles and Erik began selecting mutants, all the while listening to Y/N’s cries lessen into sniffles. This also assured Ryan that maybe he would make it onto the favorites list…  everyone loves Hugh Jackman. 

Playing the movie from that point went fine. Y/N actually settled down to actually fall asleep after the Cherick gun-to-head bonding. 

Once she was asleep, Ryan felt comfortable running up to his office to bring his project outlines down to the dining table.  

This is how they spent the next few hours. Ryan woke Y/N to eat some soup he made, and then did end up putting on Red White and Royal Blue because he hadn't seen it. Y/N ended up falling asleep again around the group's Texas trip. 

Near the end of the film, Taylor called Ryan and informed him she’d be by in twenty minutes, along with another string of unnecessary apologies. 

Ryan decided to let Y/N sleep and welcomed Taylor in to wake her. The last thing he needed today was another bout of tears. 

After Taylor and Y/N hugged Ryan bye (with another round of thanks and sorrys) the two got back in the car and made their way to their apartment. 

“Did you have a good day sweetheart?” Taylor asked.

“Yeah, I had a good couple sleeps and food,” was all she responded with. Taylor figured that was good. Usually when at the Reynolds' she comes home with stories of the mischievous activities they got up to. Taylor can imagine that the lack of details means it was pretty tame, she’ll have to call Ryan for more details, but that could wait. 

Arriving at their building, Taylor and Y/N made their way into the lobby, both thanking the doorman of course, and up the elevator to their apartment. 

“Go take another nap sweetie, you look like you need it,” Taylor got Y/N laid out in her bed and got her shoes off her before tucking her in. Meredith even joined her in Y/N’s room and hopped up on the bed to begin her healing purrs. 

Kissing Y/N on the head, Taylor left the room to start making a light dinner. She’ll have to look into what it’d take the 1D boys to perform at James’ graduation party. She had like nine years, she’ll make it work. 

The End

[youremyheaven]

I’m a Pushya sun and my ex was Uttara Phalguni sun and rising. When things were good they were GREAT, however when things were bad it was an absolute nightmare.

He was extremely judgemental towards my body count and sexual history. I told him if it’s a problem let’s just break up bc I literally cannot change it. He told me that I “wasn’t just some girl”, so he’ll have to overcome it. Proceeded to spend the majority of the relationship berating me for it, calling me a slut and a prostitute. He said the cruelest things a person has ever said to me. He said 99% of men would never love me and he was the 1% of idiots that did. When I finally cracked and went crazy and shouted at him, he held that over my head and i felt terrible for it. At that point we were smoking a lot of weed, and I could barely even process my emotions, it was terrible. I explained all the terrible symptoms I was experiencing and told him I would stop. All the symptoms I said, he told me is what he feels like all the time for years (because he had been smoking like this long before he met me). He told me he would stop as well. That was a lie.

He got super violent, would beat me up so badly during sex, would also pressure me into having sex with him - he would ask over and over and over again until I said yes. He also knew he was doing this cos one time he asked me if I felt pressured by him to have sex and I said yes and he got so angry AT ME for him pressuring me. There was an instance where he hit me across the head and it hurt so bad I had trouble hearing for days and I told him that he hit me too hard, my ears are ringing and he just giggled and said “I know”.

A month before our relationship ended I found out he had a tik tok account where he would post alpha male podcast clips (keep in mind we’re grown adults) - had no idea about this the entire relationship. Also, he pretty much lied to me about everything (granted he has a Rahu moon) even the most stupid things like liking anime for example. I just thought it was cringe and I didn’t watch it at all, and he lied and said he felt the same - come to find he had like anime pfp for a bunch of his online accounts. Lied to me about his family, where he came from, friends, romantic and sexual history, his interests, likes and dislikes, so many things. I had also found a message from a dating app on his phone.

The relationship ended after I found out he relapsed again and completely lied to me about it and was cancelling plans with me just to smoke and play video games with his friends. When I broke up with him, he begged me stay, said no one had ever loved and cared for him this much except for his mother, all of these things. Made me even more confused as to why he treated me like I was the devil then?? I was past the point of conversation so it was just a bad ending. He punched my mattress and told me I would regret leaving him. That was the last I ever saw him.

Goes without saying I learnt a bunch from that relationship! I’m pretty sure he hated my guts but I took care of him and met a lot of his basic needs (Maslow’s hierarchy) so he kept me around to fulfil them. I think he was also just possessive; he didn’t want me but more than that he didn’t want to see me with anyone else. Some of the worst days of my life were in this relationship but in a weird way I feel like this was Saturn teaching me a lesson - I was an idiot who literally forgot who I was for this relationship, made it my number one priority, and had zero self-esteem or self-advocacy. So many points where I should’ve walked away but I learnt the hard way. Never again!!

I am so glad you got out of that relationship!!! Please stay safe!!! Thank you so much for sharing your experience because in my own experiences my yoni consort has been toxic and abusive as well (it does not compare to yours at all tho). I wish you so much peace and healing. You're so strong 🫶

Side note: have you guys ever noticed how a Nodal person seems to be proud of/brag about their interests if at all they have any?? 8/10 they'll be lying about the depth of their involvement in it too lol?? Is it bc Nodal people find it hard to connect to things so when they do, they're just like 😤imma make this my whole personality 😤my ex spoke about how obsessed he was with Greek mythology and how much money he spent on Greek mythology books but he could never talk about it at length?? (he also had substance issues so i attributed it to that tbh)

[danganronpadedication]

DAY 15: DANGANTOBER

Day 15: Discussing Ryota Mitarai (substitute for Royalty AU)

SORRY FOR THE LATE POST, HAD TO RETYPE THE WHOLE THING 'CAUSE TUMBLR DIDN'T SAVE MY PROGRESS LAST NIGHT, I'M GOING TO CRASH OUT-

Goodness, where do I start? I have very mixed feelings about Ryota, so I deeply apologize if this post comes across as me hating on him. I do like him, I think he's a very interesting character that has so much room to be explored by us fans. I also think that his character comes across as one of the weaker ones of the series, but with a few tweaks, he'd be amazing. For a character only introduced in the anime, there's much to discuss.

His relationship with Ultimate Imposter (who will be referred to as Touya with they/them pronouns for the rest of this post) and Mikan is very heartwarming, he's quite relatable as someone who spends most of my time online, and he has so many connections to so many interesting plot threads that I wish got more attention. For those of you unfamiliar with who Ryota Mitarai is since you haven't watched the anime, here's a brief explanation. Growing up, Ryota was someone who longed for escapism. He was bullied by his classmates, and he found solace in anime. He believes that the animation medium 'saved him', and he wants to create anime that would do the same for other people. He is scouted by Hope's Peak Academy, and becomes the Ultimate Animator.

He is placed in class 77-B (the SDR2 cast). He regularly skipped class, choosing instead to work on his anime in his dorm room. One night, he went out in the hallway, and collapsed from starvation. Touya heard the commotion, and went outside of their dorm room to get Ryota back to his. The two of them work out a deal. Touya would assume Ryota's identity and attend classes in his place, so Ryota could stay in and work. In return, Touya would regularly check in on him, make sure he was eating, sleeping, and generally healthy. This system went on for a year or so, with Touya bringing Ryota food and checking up on him all the time.

At the start of the second school year, Ryota became even more involved in his work, and collapsed again. Touya went to go get Mikan so she could help, and she finally got to meet the real Ryota. She told him to start going for checkups at the school hospital. It was at one of these checkups that he had a "despairfully fateful encounter."

Original Uploader: Celestia's Berg on YouTube

In defense of anime, he brings Junko and Mukuro over to his dorm to show them his unfinished work. They are moved to tears by it, and when Junko asks why his work had such an effect on them, he reveals that he puts subliminal messaging into his work in order to get the desired emotional response. He equates it to brainwashing, giving Junko billions of evil ideas.

Ryota leaves a note for Touya in his room, and then moved into Junko's secret lair so he could work for them in peace and relative comfort. Touya grew concerned about Ryota's whereabouts, and Mikan went to go try and find him. She was promptly kidnapped by Mukuro, and brought to the lair to be later brainwashed. Junko and Mukuro then went to go start the student council killing game without his knowledge. After a while of working for Junko and Mukuro, he started to grow a bit uneasy about them.

Eventually, he finds the video clips from the student council killing game, and he is immediately disgusted by this information. Junko decides to blackmail him, saying if he runs away, she'd conduct another killing game with his classmates. Ryota gets the chance to escape when Chiaki, Nagito and Chisa come across the lair.

Ryota is eventually found by Junko and a group of reserve course students, with Junko saying she wants to thank him for the new brainwashing technology. He says his work was supposed to inspire hope, not create despair. He is allowed to run away, since Junko knows the memory of him running away from her will haunt him. He survives the Tragedy alone, hiding in abandoned buildings until eventually being found by the Future Foundation.

He is hired by Future Foundation, and rises through the ranks, becoming the head of branch 10, based around education and culture. He attends Makoto's trial hearing, and ends up in the Future Foundation killing game. He mainly sticks in Kyoko's group, and when she passes away, he goes with Makoto's group. At the end of the game, Ryota gets a message from Tengan, who was the mastermind, saying he entrusts the world's hope to him.

Tengan's plan was to create this entire killing game to bait Ryota into unleashing his new Hope Video on the world. It's meant to do the same thing as the despair videos, except instead of overwriting everything with despair, it's hope. Makoto and Aoi point out that it'd be no different than what Junko did, no matter what, it's still brainwashing. He manages to brainwash a lot of Future Foundation agents, including Aoi temporarily. He resolves to broadcast the video to the entire world and spread hope that way.

The video begins to broadcast, but right in the nick of time, the rehabilitated Remnants of Despair arrive, and convince Ryota to stop the video. He believes he is guilty for a lot of what happened in the Tragedy, but they manage to comfort him by saying that they'll atone for what they all did, together. He cries, and gets reunited with Touya.

"A brief explanation", and then I proceed to write paragraphs. I am the Ultimate Yapper.

Let's discuss all the things I like about Ryota. First of all, he's an utter cutie pie in the anthology manga he's in.

Secondly, I love what he does to flesh out Mikan and Touya, but ESPECIALLY Touya. I firmly believe that without Ryota, we wouldn't have really any information on them as a person. Their friendship is one that I think is so sweet and heartwarming. Touya doesn't discourage his interests, and still looks out for his well-being.

Besides, I can't deny that this picture depicts my two moods when I'm working on my computer all day.

Introducing Mikan into the mix is also great. Their little trio is so sweet, with Touya and Mikan being a very good support system to Ryota. I wish we got more content of those three together. One of these moments that does come to mind, is in the anthology manga. There's a story in there where Mikan and Touya are trying to make Ryota a nice soup, but because Mikan's clumsy, the soup gets ruined. He still likes it anyways, up until he learns about the mess up.

Get yourself a set of friends who will not shame you for your interests, but instead make sure you are happy and healthy. The wellness checks, the regular deliveries of food, you can tell just how big of a heart these two have, and Ryota is the lucky and grateful recipient.

Another positive for Ryota as a character, is how they explore his guilt over his role in the Tragedy. While Danganronpa doesn't focus on it much in other cases, it doesn't shy away from realistic depictions of trauma responses. Ryota is no exception to this.

A large part of Ryota's character is his guilt over helping Junko. Without his knowledge, she uses his work to brainwash Mikan, Chisa, Tengan, the Remnants of Despair, the reserve course students, etc. Then, his work comes back in the Future Foundation killing game, resulting in the deaths of his colleagues. With each incident that he can connect back to his work, his guilt grows.

Guilt can blind a person to reason. This is seen with Ryota when Makoto and Aoi try to tell him that the hope video will just do the same thing the despair videos did. Brainwashing isn't morally correct, obviously. But because of his guilt, this is the only way to fix things in Ryota's mind. To him, this video will reverse everything his original videos did, and make everyone happier for it.

Danganronpa has a bad habit of making its characters seem larger than life. They are all resilient, they can all bounce back from traumatic events, even if they are silently living with the consequences. You tend to forget that these characters are in their late teens, and twenties. As someone in that age range, I don't think I'd be as resilient as majority of the cast.

Ryota isn't a character that will bravely rush into a warzone, or give a passionate speech to inspire everyone. He is visibly suffering from this trauma, and the most he can do is support from the sides. He is realistic in his depiction of guilt. He unknowingly gave Junko the tools she needed to enact her plan, and now has to live with the results of that. It's not his fault, he didn't rub his hands together like an evil mastermind and regret it later, he was taken advantage of.

On the other hand, it's no secret how I feel about brainwashing in Danganronpa. It's icky, it's despicable, and the moral ramifications of it call into question the morality of anyone who uses it. Unfortunately, all of Ryota's screentime links back to brainwashing in some way, shape, or form. That's his purpose for existing as a character. To explain how Junko was able to brainwash and manipulate everyone, from the Remnants to the reserve course.

It'd be more forgivable if Junko somehow tricked him into applying his skills towards that, without him knowing that he was working towards brainwashing all along, but that's not the case. Before he begins working for Junko and Mukuro, he uses subliminal messaging in his work, and equates it to brainwashing, before skirting around the morality of that action. He was already doing it before her. Honestly, the anime shows a lot of ultimates using underhanded methods to make people respond positively to their work. Makes me wonder if they're worthy of being called ultimates without those methods.

Ryota also has the energy of a character who was written to fill gaps in the plot. He's supposed to be a classmate to the SDR2 cast, and yet there isn't a single mention of him beforehand. I know he wasn't an ultimate, and probably didn't know about what was happening on Jabberwock Island, so there was no need to talk about him. But he still feels like he came out of nowhere. In the anime, we get to briefly hear about how AI Chiaki came to be, and she says that the Future Foundation tried to find someone they were all connected to for the simulation. She expressly states that they found no one else that would garner the same results as Chiaki.

Even if they were outnumbered, how come Mikan and Touya's memories didn't yield any data of Ryota? Especially Touya, since they were close friends, closer than any of them were to anyone else. Even just a throwaway line would've worked, saying Chiaki was the one that would get the most results, or during the game itself, in one of Makoto's emails. Any line would've worked, and Ryota would feel like less of an afterthought.

You didn't even really need him to explain Junko having brainwashing technology. In Danganronpa Zero, you meet Junko's childhood best friend, Yasuke Matsuda, the Ultimate Neurologist. Someone who studies the BRAIN. He's already the reasoning behind why Junko has the ability to alter people's memories. Why couldn't we also tack brainwashing onto him?

Finally, and this could just be me, but Tengan's plan to bait Ryota makes no sense. The entire Future Foundation killing game was meant to get Ryota to broadcast the Hope Video, but the video Tengan sends Ryota as an explanation also says Ryota didn't need to attend. It says the plan would've worked, even if Ryota didn't attend the hearing. After all, I think only twelve showed up for the hearing, and there's at least 14 branches of Future Foundation, so its not like he was required to come. What's the point of mentioning that?

I think a lot of the issues surrounding Ryota's character could be solved with a simple rewrite. So, here is how I'd rewrite Ryota Mitarai. Everything with Junko would be the same, he'd work for her and give her the means to make a brainwashing video. But once he manages to make it into the thick of the Tragedy, that's when it starts.

After getting picked up by Future Foundation and joining, Ryota would have to attend meetings about what was happening in the world. This means he was seeing a lot of news about the Remnants, and his already existing guilt would begin to grow. He didn't know the people who became the Remnants, but when Touya brought him food, they would always tells stories about them. Besides, he'd see what his friends Touya and Mikan had become, all because of his work.

As each day goes by, this feeling of guilt would get worse and worse. Everyday, he has to hear Munakata and the others call the Remnants 'monsters', and he knows they are. But he can't process how Touya and Mikan and their friends could possibly have fallen from who they were before into this. He knows his work is responsible for it, and he wants to change things.

Somehow, he'd find out about Makoto's growing sympathies for the Remnants. Maybe his technological prowess leads to him seeing the emails between Makoto and Munakata, maybe he put two and two together when he heard about Makoto rescuing a group of Hope's Peak alumni. I said earlier that Ryota would be really good working from the sidelines, and that's what he does.

He'd hide any helicopter flight records to Jabberwock Island, he'd send covert supply ships out with food and medicine. He'd even aid with avatar reconstruction, using his very few memories of the class and his many memories with Touya to create a basis for the Neo World Program. That's why he would attend the hearing for Makoto as well, he was also working with him. It'd highlight the pre-existing divide in the Future Foundation anyways.

This would also make his reunion with Touya in the final episode more heartfelt. After all these years of guilt, all these months of work, he finally gets to see his friend as themself again.

Imagine how awful Ryota would feel. Touya did a lot for him, making sure he was healthy and eating well, and the last thing Ryota had done for them was leave a vague note before leaving to work on the brainwashing video for Junko.

Finally, after a long time of trying to atone for what he did, and working towards getting the Remnants stable again, he gets to enjoy the fruits of his labor.

And it's cathartic.

Ryota was a big inspiration for my Danganronpa OC, Shin Ikari. I'm just going to talk about the similarities between Ryota and Ikari, since I plan on giving him his own post in November. First of all, both are ultimates with unhealthy habits. As the Ultimate Theorist, Ikari tends to stay up for days on end, doing research and descending down mental rabbit holes. After a few days, when his friends find him in his dorm room, he looks like this, conspiracy corkboard and everything.

Ikari also feels partially responsible for the Tragedy, since his research on talent and the human mind was used without his knowledge for the Kamukura Project. He survived the Tragedy, and eventually went to work for the Future Foundation. While his talents are more suited for management, his guilt drives him to be trained as a field agent instead. He has a deep connection to the Remnants, having known them before Junko got to them. I honestly can't wait to yap all about him.

Aside from the points I made earlier, I think Ryota is a very interesting character. With some rewrites, he becomes a very compelling and realistic character, dealing with the effects of guilt over his actions, and growing to appreciate the friends who stuck by him all this time. Now, a Ryota pic for the road?

-Mod Tsumugi

[scribblespirit]

Happy Valentine's Day!! 💝 (+ long personal ramble lmao)

Well I did intend on posting earlier than this, but I wanted to wish a big happy Valentine's to everyone who actually follows along with the random crap that I post on this site-- and an especially big hug to all of my fellow aspec, arospec, and aroace lovelies!! I've always valued the celebration of all forms of love on February 14th, whatever dumbass society that we live in who decided that it's strictly a holiday for romantic couples can show themselves out the mfing door. Romantic love, platonic love, familial love, s*xual love, queerplatonic love, polyamorous love, animal love, ALL types of feeling & showing love are so wonderful and deserve to be celebrated!! If you feel sad about being single on Valentine's Day, don't let our stupid economy blind you to how loved you are in many different ways by many different people!! 🫶

On that note, this year marks a very meaningful occasion for me personally. I'm currently 21 years old, I learned I was asexual when I was 16 and didn't understand that I was arospec too until I was 20. I've always been totally content either celebrating Valentine's Day with my close friends, or basically ignoring the day all together. But as of last summer, I am now in my first Queerplatonic relationship with my incredible partner @rubinaitoart (and our beloved @lovelucigoosey, who is always with us 🎗️🩵) and I thought that today would be a fitting day to finally proclaim my cheesiness online lol! Rubin, I love you so so much and I'm seriously so lucky to have you. Thank you for being my very first Valentine's Day partner, for making me feel so loved I nearly happy-cry every time, and for just always being your supportive, talented, caring, funny, amazing and beautiful self!! 💜💜💜 /p

My patience to see your smile and give you the biggest hug face-to-face is dwindling with every day, but also knowing that we will get there someday is one of my favourite things to think about :'D To my online besties, Checkmate or otherwise, thank you for being the best long-distance found family I could ever ask for!! Every one of you guys means the world to me, I'm so grateful that you all put your care and energy toward a little chatty bundle of emotions like me. My bucket list purely consists of a list of each of you guys, and I will not quit until I get to properly see and hug all of you or else your name is not getting checked off of the bucket list!! But yeah fr thank you guys I fuckin' love my friends I don't know how I got so lucky 🥹💕

To my kittens (not that I expect they'll be reading this), thank you for being such little fluffballs of joy and chaos. Thank you for coming upstairs and insisting to check on me when I have been face-deep in homework for 6 hours, and for dragging me away for cuddles whenever I need it. To my parents (who definitely won't be reading this XD), thanks for being some badass and wonderful parents.

To Luci, I mean I check in pretty often so you probably already know what I'm gonna say. I hope you're happy, I hope you're smiling, I hope you're running and I hope you're free of pain. Love you always boo 🩵

I just have so much love in my heart that I wish I could share as much as possible. I love my family and my kittens and my friends from university who help keep me somewhat sane. I love my Discord friends/found family who help keep me very sane, and are always there to make me laugh and to celebrate achievements together. I love my queerplatonic boyfriend/partner, I love his voice and his hair, I love his obsession passion for The Arcana, I love his fluffy puppy Aster, I love how he makes me smile and that I'm capable doing the same.

Thanks guys. I really really love you all ❤️

...

(Also I haven't slept in like 38 hours and I'm struggling to stay awake as I write this so I hope it is at all legible, it's probably too long but quite frankly if you read the entire thing and made it all the way down here then massive kudos to you. I did warn that I was chatty and emotional, those two traits never go well together 😂)

[marinazone]

What's been bugging my brain recently

Boy oh boy where do I start. Well I suppose I'll start with a little bit of context. Hi! My name is Hunter (if you never knew my real moniker, not many do even if i tell them); and I have been in a disastrous...what could only be described as love illness, since February 28th. Before i explain why (if you dont already know) allow me to provide my full experience with love. When i was in 12th grade i was used as rebound for a girl named Nicole after her boyfriend had broken up with her. It was the first time i had ever gotten to feel love, the expectations of what i should expect were to be established from then forward. We talked a lot asked eachother how we were doing shared similar interests that kinda shit. It was cool, the sex was lukewarm at best but it felt nice to feel appreciated. Thats when her emotional manipulation began. She would be in low points that i attributed to depression. I always told her "go get help for your depression, itll only get worse" all of which she militantly ignored to the point where she told me she was being physically abused by her family. Naturally, stupid me, believed her and grew more and more attached and protective and i didnt find out til after we split up that she was full of horse shit. It was during this point that she would take opportunities when she was "moody" to punch me across the face. Why did i take that shit? I dont know! I guess i was too fucking scared to lose someone i was attached too. Two years passed and i realize she started to ditch me to hang with some dude named Paul and was cheating on me for months. I finally asked firmly if she was and she admitted it, playing sap. I was devestate for about three months afterward. I had planned to kill myself numerous times but always remembered how much my friends would miss me. It was during this time around 2013 that i took up a habit of walking a mile to a nearby bridge on a "private walk" over an artificial lake to just gaze into and get lost in what seemed like infinite thought. I eventually got over her, but only after deleting all contact with her.

Second is someone online i will just call Saber. A very basic ass relationship. No emotional fulfillment for me and only sexting. He was a bit different in abuse in that it was more a financial abuse than anything else. He relied on me to pay for his ffxiv game and subscription and shit cause he didnt live in NA and i didnt see a cent back. The separation was far more a fade then burning out. We just stopped talking and i stopped giving once i realized i was being used

And the third ex is actually criminally dangerous so i will avoid any details at all about them! Just know theyre in jail still i think and they dont know my address

So we arrive more recently, I dont want to use exact names as im still in contact with them and are (presumably) friends and i do not wish to expose information given in confidence. I will just be using first initials as follow: A, B, T, and W.

So it began with a message I'd received from B (all this was when i was freyacrescentshangover on here). He messaged me because we were into the same shit and asked if i wanted to rp. I figured sure! Why not! Well he was pretty chill and nice and i would eventually tell him i had a crush on him. He said "its cool we have similar fetishes but lets just stay friends for now ok?"

It didnt upset me to much. Then W entered my life and boy is she a treat (not sarcastic, mostly). She contacted me for much the same reason. We were into similar shit. We'd spend a lot of time back and forthing this stuff and getting to know eachother and then i finally told her i had a crush on her and her answer is something to keep in mind for later. She didnt say yes, but she didnt say no. She told me things such as ne being cute and how she enjoyed how we had similar kinks and said she'd be down to be more flirty sometimes. I had no fucking idea what this meant (No offense W) so I was more just in a state of confusion where our relationship was. As for why i admired her? She was passionate. Her interests were so emblazoned on her soul that is was visceral just being in a conversation (still is to an extent). Yet she's also so cool and mysterious. It felt like she was someone i had to learn about, someone that i could listen to their passions for hours in complete awe and admiration. Thats still what i admire about her to this day i suppose, but ill get onto that more in a bit.

This was also around the same time i had developed a crush on A. A is super cool and chill even to this day. Never afraid to be herself or says what she feels and that is truely admirable. She'd contacted me because, once again, we were into similar fetishes. We did the old exchange weird stuff and talk until i noticed she, by complete fucking cosmic coincidence, lived in the same town as me. You guessed it! Got a crush on her. This rejection breaks the mold a bit though in that she reciprocated the feelings but felt she was in to many relationships and couldnt provide me the emotional support i needed. Didnt bother me too much.

Well, that is until a couple months later A and her wife formed triad with W. It felt so.....bad if im being honest. I feel guilty to say it and i am really happy for them still! But there's always been a part of me since then that sorta felt......jealous? Short changed? I dont know, its hard to find a word for it. Its like when you taste something super fucking sour but you like expected it to be sweet. My self worth sorta plummeted from it all. Like i just wasnt enough for them..

Cut to later and i met T. Shes super sweet and funny and boy i got a crush on her too! She got into contact with me because......you guessed it! Similar fetishes! It feels like im just gifted with a power that lets people confide their weird fetishes with me. When i told her she told me essentially "Same fetishes dont like you that way".

Now we cut from 3 years ago to a month ago. I get feelings spurring up again for T and W (Probably A too but after how this goes I dont wanna be crushed ever again). I tell T first i have a crush on her. She says something similar to before but elaborates that romantic feelings are very hard for her to obtain. Then I tell W again. She says "We have similar fetishes and thats cool but i dont like you that way". For some fucking reason, this was an emotionally devastating breaking point for me and im not sure why. i got over T in like two days. W on the other hand? Were a month strong in and I still cant stop being depressed about it all. What happened here? What went different here? Was it because of the awkward response id receive years ago? Was it the jealousy-like feelings i still harbored? Is it just because i wanted to hear more about her and her interests and passions hidden under that cool (and sexy) exterior like i had before? I dont know. Probably never will. Likely a combination of all those though.

So here I am, on this weird precipice of loneliness, ready to die any second because my self worth doesnt seem to improve no matter what I do (and ive been doing a ton lately). Will I be able to work up the courage to take another final shot at A? Probably not, my body can't take another hit like that. Atleast not so soon. Will I ever get over W? Im not sure. The last time i felt this bad was with Nicole and I had to cut all contact with her to feel better, but the thought of doing that with W makes me even more sick. Maybe I'm just SOL and my emotional and mental stability doomsday clock is finally reaching midnight (sure hope not! I have Marinas to bully!).

Apart from all this, with how spurred i feel and such. I find it harder and harder to get out of bed every day. To do the things i like keeping myself healthy. Eating. Showering. To live. And yet I move.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #239

Have you ever had the chicken pox? No.

Have you ever been evicted? Yes, because Mom couldn't keep up with rent.

Would you grow your own garden? IDEALLY I would like to... but I know I wouldn't be consistent with it, so.

Do you know anyone who snores? Me, my mom, I know my dad did when he actually lived with us.

What is your favorite font? I like Garamond.

Would you have liked to have lived during the Victorian times? Hard pass.

Do you like deviled eggs? Absolutely not, I won't touch the yolk.

What time do you usually wake up? Lately it's been like, 11-ish, which is wild when you consider how early I go to bed. I think it's because I have absolutely zero desire TO wake up lately, my body just sleeps until it can't possibly sleep anymore.

What made you feel most accomplished in your life so far? Healing from my trauma as much as I think is possible.

What can’t you afford but wish you could? I wish Mom could have a new car. I wish we could afford a house we actually like and feel at home in. I wish I could afford insurance that isn't Medicaid because good doctors don't fucking take Medicaid apparently. I never wouldn't lost my irreplaceable psychiatrist if I hadn't lost my old insurance.

What is your favorite type of museum? Those with fossil displays.

Have you ever been inside the Statue of Liberty? No.

What is your favorite book you’ve read this year? I THINK I read The Testaments by Margaret Atwood in the past year. That was great.

Do you think animals really have emotional feelings? Or do you not? Yes, or at least some semblance of them in their own way.

Have you ever written a movie review online before? Which movie(s)? No.

Do you ever feel super shitty about your appearance? Daily.

Do you know any computer programming languages? No.

When was the last time you were in a really bad situation? The past month. I've been in the worst mental state I've been in since 2016.

When you were a teenager, did your parents set rules about dating? I mean, I had a curfew when I was out with somebody. That's about it.

Have you ever committed a crime that directly harmed another person? No.

What is your biological sex? Female.

Are you in a heterosexual relationship? I'm not heterosexual, but my relationship technically is. It's a cis woman and cis man.

You and your best friend get in a fight. Why do you think that is? It's hard to say because we haven't gotten into many arguments. But if I had to make a theory judging by our past ones... maybe an insensitive joke was made and my feelings were hurt.

You see the person you fell hardest for. What do you do? Avoid him.

Have/are you depressed? I have chronic depression and have been extremely depressed lately.

Did you grow up in the United States? Tragically.

Do you call anybody ‘baby’? Rarely Girt, and I regularly call Venus (my snake) "baby girl."

Do you wear earrings on a normal basis? Yes.

Would you pay someone to kill the person who hurt you a lot? I would never do such a thing.

How are you feeling right now? Today has - VERY THANKFULLY - been better that any day in like... the past month, so I'm extremely grateful for that. I'm cherishing it while it lasts.

Are you drifting away from someone you were close with? Not currently.

Is there someone you’d like to fix things with? No.

What are you listening to? I'm watching/listening to a let's play of jacksepticeye playing Still Wakes the Deep.

Have you ever stayed in a hotel? Yes, but it's been many years.

Have a best friend? He's my boyfriend, so I don't know if that "counts" in your eyes, but yes.

Does it bother you when your best friend does stuff without you? No, he's allowed to have his own life.

Last person to send you a text? My little sister. I saw her today so I wanted to say how happy I was to hang out with her for a bit and that I love her.

What were you doing at 8:00 this morning? I initially woke up a bit after 8:00 and went to the bathroom before fighting for more sleep because I had no desire to be up.

Have you done anything embarrassing lately? Today, but I'd rather not talk about it. No one wants to know.

Do you trust easily? lol no

Do you like cookies n’ cream ice cream? Sure, but it's not what I go for.

What color shirt are you wearing? I have on a red tank top.

Are you a mean person? I definitely don't think so. I don't think anyone is exempt from being able to do mean THINGS now and then, but I don't think that makes them a mean person overall. We're just humans that don't always do the right thing, no matter how hard we try.

Does anyone hate you? I can name two.

Do you usually tell people when you’re mad at them? No.

Have you ever liked someone older than you? Yes, but not too much older. At least for people I seriously liked, not any celebrity "crushes" that don't even really count.

Have you ever played Marco Polo? Yes; my sisters and I played this a lot in the pool as kids.

Do you know anyone who is a vegetarian? Uh... I might, idk.

Who was last mean to you? My mom was recently extremely upset and verbally took some frustration out on me when talking.

What was the last video game you played? The Resident Evil 4 remake.

How do you dry your hair? I towel dry to start and then just let the air take care of the most of it.

What did you have for breakfast? Are you even a breakfast person? I had Reese's Puffs cereal, even though my breakfast routine has been so fucked lately because I haven't been wanting cereal AT ALL. I haven't been wanting a lot of food options lately, which has really sucked because I'm having to force myself to eat.

Have you left the house at all today? Where did you go and what did you do? Yes, thank god. I went with my mom and sister to El Tap for a late lunch/early dinner.

Who was the last person you spoke to online? Do you know them in person or not? Girt, and yes.

If you could change any law that exists in your current country, what would it be and why? Abortion is legal fucking nationwide again. I still cannot fucking believe we ever went back on this.

What's your favourite way to eat potatoes? As French fries.

When was the last time you met someone new? What were the circumstances and did you get along? Recently, when joining the Linklu server. I got to meet lots of Pancake's friends. <3

What will you be eating for your next meal? Will you be cooking, eating out or ordering a takeaway? My next meal will be breakfast tomorrow, and realistically it'll probably be cereal, even if I haven't wanted cereal.

Which Harry Potter film was your favourite? What about your least favourite? fuck that entire franchise

Are you afraid of walking alone at night? I WOULD be terrified if I actually did this.

Favorite dried fruit? I hate dried fruits.

Would you rather wear a dress or a suit on your wedding day? Dress.

If you chose dress, will it be long or short? Long.

If you chose suit, will you wear a bow or a tie? N/A

Have you ever wanted to be a police officer? Big nope.

Do you have a nut allergy? No.

How often do you cook dinner? Literally never.

Ever had bangs? I did as a child.

Have you ever dated someone LGBT+? Yes, a demisexual.

Last time you went to Pizza Hut? It's been years I think, Pizza Hut definitely isn't a go-to.

Do you hear owls or crickets at night where you live? Crickets, yeah.

Are you scared to ride public transport alone? Why? I WOULD be if I took public transport.

Did you own a dollhouse when you were younger? No, but my younger sister did. Dolls weren't my thing.

Do you have a favorite sibling? No.

Best year of your life? 2017. It's WILD to me that year started with a suicide attempt.

How do you like your eggs if you like them at all? Only scrambled.

Are both your eyes the same color? Yes.

Opinion on brussel sprouts? Fucking disgusting, I will not touch them.

How many followers do you have on Instagram? Not very many on my personal, it's private and I have to approve whoever even tries to follow me.

How about Twitter? Fuck Twitter, I don't use it.

How much would I have to pay you to get you to do karaoke? A fucking ton, I'd be humiliated.

What is your religion? I'm an atheist, so I don't have one.

[nikolathestranger]

There is something so deranged about seeing a former acquaintance of mine claim that I used to be enbyphobic, when I was maybe 14 at best and had no understanding of gender like I do now, there is in fact something so deeply fucked up about someone still talking about you, sharing your issues anonymously on the web, kind of like a "fuck you for being a bad friend when you were in an incredibly dark place, when you were 14, later 17" and now seeing that person in the same fandom you are in. I don't even know what to say. For a long time I was afraid to even go online, because I truly, honestly believed I was the devil for calling someone out IRL when they used to shit talk me, my work, my characters on their old Tumblr, gaining pity and sympathy from their friends.

Funnily enough, the only reason I contacted them was because I was worried, as they were vague posting about potentially hurting themselves, or at least feeling the urge to, so I approached them. They then, in turn, maybe to make themselves feel stronger, threatened that their friends would rip out my throat, maybe they would do it themselves. I don't even know what to say to this. They then abandoned their old account, claiming their safe space had been breached, and made a new one, it seems.

I found it now because I saw some of their TMA art, thought it looked familiar, and it turns out it is the same person. I don't even know what to think, I just have a headache.

To be clear: Between the ages of 14 to 18ish, I was not a good person, but I wasn't the devil either. I grew up in an abusive household, struggled with depression, eds and many undiagnosed issues. I did not take rejection well, I did not understand how to put out boundaries for myself in a proper manner and I did not understand how to handle mental episodes. I thought this person was my friend, they claimed to be, but when I read on their account how they thought I might be exaggerating my issues, how they only stayed with me because they felt pity and how they did not view me as a friend at all I was heartbroken, furious and just overall spiraled.

Furthermore, I became a very passive-aggressive person, and just overall drew away from them, hoping I could hurt them the same way I was hurt by their actions.

Since then, I have had episodes where my brain does this thing, being a chameleon and trying to copy people, sometimes I tried to copy them, in order to maybe become someone they would like again, before extensive therapy on my part.

Additionally, I now moved out of my parent's place and after a year of homelessness had the time I needed to heal, I can now confidently say I am not the person I used to be, I just wish they would accept that too, and stop calling me their abuser, or still spread weird things about me, it is so tiring. I know tagging them would not help, they would simply block me and feel confirmed in their emotions, this is just me, getting something off my chest, so I can breathe and live on.