#so like get ready for that or something

[nayruwu]

full entire analysis of The Shinya Scene in chapter 83

... because in all my years of being here i've only ever talked about it in bits, but now that he's back and my demons have caught up to me i guess it's time to look at the whole thing combined.

and yes, i will be talking about guren. a lot. because whether you like it or not, guren is the main character, and shinya's role to an extent revolves around him. yes, i also wish we knew more about him outside of that, but it is what it is. i'll work with what i've got.

i actually recently saw someone who was wondering why people shipped gureshin, or why they believe shinya is in love with him - and since this chapter was my personal 'awh fuck i guess this is what i'll be constantly thinking about for the next 6+ years'-moment, perhaps when you see someone wondering the same, you can send them this.

let's start with the basics! in case you forgot it all starts off with shinya asking byakkomaru for more power to try and save guren.

yay for character exposition!

normal people's personality traits aside, shinya largely turned out the way he did because of childhood trauma. if your friends are constantly taken away from you, eventually, you're gonna stop caring about others. if emotions like sadness or fear of death will make you more vulnerable to attacks, you're gonna stop being afraid out of pure necessity. the training facility required shinya to care about no one but himself and go through there with an absolute calmness and rationality that protected him but also turned him into an empty unfeeling husk that doesn't really know why it's even alive.

also, lovely touch that it's just always raining inside his heart. i'm sensing he might have experienced sadness of some sort.

don't really appreciate the "yet you still hold burning desires" without any indication of what they might be, although you can guess looking at the following pages.

i'll talk about this topic some more a few pages down, but it's quite interesting how shinya believes reaching for impossible goals is meaningless, pretty much says 'no one cares that you tried if you don't succeed', while simultaneously admiring guren so much for never giving up.

"Though you never managed to make mahiru yours, you still feel nothing." shinya expressed some jealousy in catastrophe about having his government assigned fiancée constantly talking about another kid, but he seems to acknowledge that such a feeling is useless, and eventually drops it. which is also probably how he could talk about it so freely to guren instead of letting it fester and turn into bitterness.

"It is believing that way which fulfills your desires." he knows it's not the only way to think, but it acts as a sort of defence mechanism which spares him a lot of the pain people that experience emotions normally go through. i imagine it feels quite relieving, to be able to save yourself from it.

and oh! byakkomaru asks him a question about himself and shinya grins and tells him he doesn't need to ask these things, because he's his demon, he already knows everything about him! how interesting. let's call back to that later.

interesting comparison here. i think what it really comes down to in the end is passion.

to be quite frank, shinya's entire existence is downright miserable. he was entirely on his own for most of his life, having no one to depend on, being constantly reminded of his worthlessness and stuck in that horrible place he knows he can't get out of. but that's just it. he knows there's no way out, and he doesn't question it anymore. he's accepted it. he doesn't outwardly want or strive for anything. (although of course, byakkomaru needs to draw power from somewhere. so we can assume those other 'burning desires' are sitting somewhere very, very deep inside to the point where he can't even put them into words - considering that when asked about his biggest wish in the official fanbook, he can't think of anything, and instead chooses something that might make guren happy. whatever he wants himself is probably so impossible to him he wouldn't dare reach for, or even dream of it. if you can't get it, 'the effort is meaningless'.)

meanwhile guren, despite the general degradation of the ichinose clan, starts out with much more, a clan that supports him fully, a parent that loves him, devoted followers and a beautiful home - which is all violently ripped away from him one after the other. he suffers so so much within the story, and yet he never stops trying, never falls into that sad routine, never accepts defeat, always burning 'like the sun' in a way shinya can't. and because he knows he can't, never could, he tries to help. he bases his entire self worth on supporting someone he believes to be good.

i do appreciate a good Guren Roast. guren acts strictly on his feelings, which is confusing but incredibly endearing to shinya, who would be long dead if he'd acted the same. which i suppose is why he's looking at him like... that™. a little reminiscent of shinoa longingly staring at yuuichirou and thinking "teach me more", except shinya is a guy, so he's not allowed to blush about it.

he then very casually mentions that he hates idiots, so therefore he hates guren. note this down.

and here we have it. the fucking "person who is a stone cold rationalist but suddenly throws all logic out of the window when it comes to love" trope. in MY shounen manga. fucking wow. all that talk about shinya not feeling anything and only ever acting logically but when it comes to guren he starts contradicting himself. that's certainly not suspicious at all.

alright here we go fuck you fuck you fuck you.

i've yapped on an on about this page way too much, but just for completion's sake:

byakkomaru uses the word "恋" (koi). and i'm not japanese, i don't speak japanese, but my embarrassingly extensive research has concluded that as opposed to "愛" (ai), which is the stable, general and intentional feeling of love you hold for family members or your actual romantic partner, koi is an exclusively romantic term for when you've fallen in love with someone without meaning to, and whom you're not in a relationship with. or - oh dear! - "It can also have a meaning of longing for something or someone." sounds oddly familiar, maybe?

because what shinya actually responds here in the japanese original is "it's just 憧れ". and while this little fucker of a word can be translated to 'deep admiration' (which, of course, fits quite well), it can also be translated to 'longing' or 'yearning' - which is a word that has also been used to describe guren and mahiru's feelings for each other, in which case it has always been translated as longing. huh. funny that.

other than that, let's look at it in relation to what else has happened in this scene!

first off - "you're my demon, you know that!" byakkomaru doesn't need to make assumptions about him. he knows shinya better than anyone else, probably even shinya himself. knowing that, it seems more like he's trying to make shinya acknowledge it, perhaps to pull out more of that desire that he needs out of him, rather than an actual 'well MAYBE you're in love just saying. it's entirely irrelevant but it kinda popped into my mind right now'.

secondly, shortly before byakkomaru's statement, shinya does that cheerful intentionally-lying-through-his-teeth, stating that he hates guren because he hates idiots. which is obviously fucking bullshit, and everyone knows it. he knows it. byakkomaru knows it. guren knows it. hell, my fucking grandmother that i haven't seen since i was seven years old knows it.

but seriously - he spouts obvious lies in a sing-songy voice and laughs off everything byakkomaru throws at him. and we know smiling is shinya's way to deal with stress. (it's quite obvious, but was also explicitly mentioned in catastrophe). acknowledging something like this outright, that you might be in love with your best friend who's also your ex-fiancée's ex boyfriend, that'd be incredibly stressful, perhaps even scary, wouldn't it? especially for someone like him who we just established has survived by not growing attached to people and locking away all strong feelings for most of their life. who's to say that his "it's just 憧れ" isn't also just a lie meant to avoid a direct confronation about his own feelings that is obvious to byakkomaru but not to the reader?

once again we're talking about guren's passion and the fact that shinya really, really wants to help him. awesome.

what's also interesting to note is the part where he says "i completely understand why mahiru chose him over me". something similar is said multiple times in catastrophe, where he goes on about finally understanding what mahiru sees in him and why she loves him. could be 'girls love this guy that's so much better than me i wish i could be like him'. could also be kagami trying to sneak "SHINYA'S FEELINGS FOR GUREN = MAHIRU'S FEELINGS FOR GUREN" past censorship. who knows. not me. i'm just cleaning personell. anyone seen the broom closet?

"Do you intend to die here?" - "Good question." Thank you Shinya very cool.

he really just doesn't give a shit does he. insert another paragraph about how he doesn't have anything to wish for or look forward to. guren come get your passively suicidal emotional support animal.

the statement of never having had a reason to live despite him outright telling guren that his life had meaning because he got to meet him implies that this realisation only came as he was dying. he had to die to be able to see any meaning to life. which is really fucking sad if you ask me, but it lines up with his development in the novels - as soon as you accept weakness you accept that it will kill you. as soon as it all makes sense, it's over. can't have shit in owari no seraph.

despite everything, shinya hates losing to guren. this is something that's always been difficult for me to understand because i can't relate at all and it just seemed kind of childish, but we can actually explain it pretty easily by looking at the circumstances of his upbringing once again. shinya grew up in an environment where not being the smartest, fastest and most talented, where losing meant immediate death. if he's the best, he gets to survive. if there's someone better than him, he'll be disposed of. of course someone close to him that's a better person, is easily loved by so many different people (especially mahiru, who from shinya's point of view was the only reason he was even allowed to exist), can feel like a threat. it's what makes his characterisation so fun to me, because if i just look closely enough, i can explain most of what he does and says. i am nowhere near as good at understand whatever is going on in guren's mind.

anyway. do i think shinya is in love with guren? yes. i don't think any author would put this much thought into something that in the end is just there for shits and giggles. there's the drama cd too, where shinya uses a phrase that is commonly used in writing to subtly confess to another person (i actually only recently realised it was used in The Stranger by the Shore as well, which is straight up queer literature). his fanbook entry states that he is not interested in women. he can neither sit nor stand up fucking straight. there are so, so many hints if you just look for them. now, do i think it will lead anywhere? although i wish it would, nope. everything that nods to romantic feelings is from shinya's side exclusively, and he's far from the only one that fell for guren. but what i am certain of is that he is meant to be read this way.

aaand this actually concludes my little essay! thank you very much for coming everyone. it was a blast. feel free to leave some marzipan in the tip jar by the door. toodles!

[icewindandboringhorror]

(also feel free in the tags to clarify Why you made the choice you made!! :0c)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Who is this sassy lost child?

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[densewentz]

trying to enjoy Veilguard in the ever-incendiary Dragon Age fandom like

[just-null]

Do you ever do requests? If so, do you ever plan on drawing some Yandere with the Hantengu clones? :D hope you have a good day/night!!!

Mentioning an unfamiliar name

yes!! I love yanderes.. and these guys.. these guys are such good material...... nods nods..

I'm not sure about requests..I assume you mean drawing requests? I suppose if it REALLY catches my interest enough, I'd do it, but it'd probably just be line art/sketches.

[tiger-balm]

chivalry isn't dead <3

[gunsatthaphan]

mr. thanawat, I can't help you anymore 😔

[sevastiel]

since Stalkers old lair is abandoned, and Hunhow is ls close enough to look in the window, do you think its possible to give him a tv or something? or a game system?

Anon your brain is immense and deeply wrinkled.

Also, about that game Amir was working on...

I bet the drifter makes it a point to bring hunhow new games whenever he can, only to find that hunhow, the sentient machine who can exist in the weave and turn himself into code, has already started making his own. He still plays the ones the drifter brings him anyway, though.

Transcript below

D- "Hey Amir, can I have your help with something? Its game related."

A- "Sure, whats up?"

D- "Gist is this. Say you've got a sentient world terraforming space machine who helped you out a lot, but is on his own for most of the time. What game console and-slash-or games do you think he'd like?"

D- "Its a serious question! Don't look at me like that!"

Box text reads- "Hunhow and the Acolytes enjoyed Mario Cart 64 the best. Models/data were obviously edited"

Then, in the second one,

D- "So Hunhow had a couple of playtesting notes. Said he liked it a lot."

A- "Just a couple, huh..."

[bunnieswithknives]

I feel bad for neglecting Hazel so much, I do have many thoughts about her.. and also a mermaid au that im probably not going to do anything with

[screwpinecaprice]

Alternate timeline where she didn't meet Steven. I may be exaggerating lmao

Yapping under the cut because I'm waiting on a line rn

Okey, so. Entertaining the thought: An introverted feral kid and a girl who gets a sort of high off adrenaline; but was taught to be polite and proper. You know, all that perfect girl stuff. We would also consider how her empathy level is questionable, based on how she just casually suggested cutting off his arm when it got stuck. (Still not sure if immediately being excited seeing swords is just amazement or 'OOH How convenient!') So perhaps she would learn to understand empathy in a practical (not sure if that's the word I'm looking for) way rather than in an emotional way.

Thankfully she was coaxed out of her shell and she had outlet early on. Also, to have genuinely learned friendship power! 😊

But what if she never got that outlet. 🤔 I mean, she could have gotten out of her shell in a different way. But, like. Imagine if she had to bottle it up all these years. It could go south or she'll be able to manage it because it ain't as bad. Just fun to think about the former.

She would be like: This thing I'm reading is SO morbidly interesting! I wonder what it feels like in a personal level though? Could I do it? Could I do it better now that I have the knowledge of foresight? But what if I still mess up? I can't have a negative record! And the curiosity and the adrenaline just mixes up together. Lol

Haha I'm not really seriously headcanoning that is exactly what's gonna happen. I mean at least not to an intense extent. It's so fun to think about.

[aashidoodles]

Domestic Shiguang Yingdu Edition: Part 5

Except every time Lu Guang makes an error in the timeline something chill(?) happens

[mishiami]

good morning tetro community

@jubileedeeznuts-posting dragged me into this because he's a dastardly awful terrible unforgivable wretch and i HATE her

[superbat-lmao]

Pt. 2 of this (back by popular demand).

When Jason wakes the following morning he feels gross. His face is tacky and he’s smushed in an uncomfortable position where he feels like he’s rolled to the edge of his bed.

When he blinks up at Bruce, the events of the day before come crashing back with alarming clarity. He goes rigid and Bruce immediately opens his eyes to check on him, pulling back slightly to give him space.

And that makes Jason’s chest hurt. Because everything that had made him uncomfortable Bruce had fixed. Because Jason had been telling Bruce what he didn’t like about him the whole time.

Jason had started to like Batman. He’d gotten dry reports about life in the alley from the guy but he’d also gotten questions about what more could be done to help out alley kids. He’d taken all of Jason’s brash criticism and actually tried to fix things. Jason had started to really like the guy.

And to now be faced with the fact that it was Bruce, the guy who read like, an actual newspaper in the morning and asked about his interests like he was having teeth pulled, it still couldn’t quite compute.

Bruce couldn’t seem to figure out if Jason was comfortable on the cot, so Jason solved his problem for him by tucking his face back into his shoulder. He knew they would have to talk about it. How Jason had been kidnapped and watched his- watched Bruce get shot and then cried about it. But that conversation was going to be exhausting, and his body wasn’t sending him into a panic being this close to Bruce, so he was going to enjoy it while it lasted.

Bruce seemed to get the message and started running his fingers through Jason’s hair again.

When Alfred came down with breakfast for the both of them, Jason knew his time was up. That they’d have to talk about it all. He wasn’t sure what they would do now that he knew, send him away? Or no, they’d need to make sure he never told anyone. Never let him leave?

Before Jason could spin out too badly, Bruce started explaining how he’d wanted to protect Jason by not telling him about his nightlife. How it was a dangerous secret to know since it could put people in danger.

Jason scoffed at that since he’d been abducted for his connections to Bruce Wayne, like that was any safer.

Bruce paled pretty quick at that but had that look on his face that said he was determined to get through this. Jason wondered which he actually preferred more, conversations or going to the dentist.

But Bruce continued to explain that he’d had concerns over Jason’s ability to trust adults and was entirely out of his depth on how to begin to repair that trust. That he thought Jason needed someone to talk to that would try and resolve his problems. And Batman could do what Bruce couldn’t. He had been scared Jason would run if he couldn’t convince him it would be safe, and that scared Bruce most of all.

And Jason had to acknowledge that Bruce wasn’t entirely wrong. He probably would have run if Batman hadn’t been checking up on him, at least in the beginning. Because Bruce didn’t make any sense. He wasn’t like any of the other adults Jason knew. His body wouldn’t calm down even if he knew he was safe, and he probably would have run from that feeling.

Most importantly, Bruce apologizes. For keeping secrets and also for getting shot in front of him in a “sorry you had to see that” sort of way.

And yeah, Jason could’ve done without watching the guy that’s almost his Dad get shot in front of him, but it wasn’t really anyone’s fault.

And Jason, like a dork, apologizes for crying on him and not being able to handle it.

That makes Bruce’s face do something complicated that Jason had a hard time reading.

Bruce tells him that it isn’t actually normal to not react to someone being shot in front of you. Especially for a child, crying is a very normal response and nothing to be ashamed of.

Jason comes to an odd realization that he isn’t the first kid to know Bruce’s identity. He remembers talk in the alley of Robin, the flashy distraction to Batman’s silent stalker approach.

He asks Bruce if Robin was Dick Grayson, his ward. The supposed “brother” he had yet to meet. He wasn’t sure what Bruce was waiting for there, but he supposed if the man wasn’t even sure if Jason actually wanted to stay that it would be fair that he was cautious about introducing him to everyone.

Bruce’s face shuts down almost entirely at the mention of Dick. He seems to catch himself pretty quick though and picks a spot over Jason’s shoulder as he starts to explain the last time he talked to Dick outside of mask business. How scared he had been his- his ward would be hurt. How he’d fired him from being Robin. How he’d gone off to Bludhaven to be Nightwing. That Bruce hadn’t seen him since he left.

Jason takes in as much of it as he can. He can’t quite process what it would mean to be a vigilante, to be Robin. He still feels dazed from yesterday and the environment of the cave is strange and foreign.

He asks what the plans for the day are and Bruce huffs. Says that he’s on strict orders from Alfred for bed rest. That there will be conversations, a debrief, about what had happened, but that can wait a few days. They will also have to talk about formalizing Jason’s living situation here and registering him for school. All sorts of things, if Jason would like to stay.

And Jason does.

Later, Alfred comes in to re-wrap Bruce’s bandages and move him upstairs. Jason hovers awkwardly, wanting to help but not knowing what to do. Alfred gently directs him in helping get Bruce back to the living room. He says they can move him to his bedroom later but it’ll be easier on his mobility if he stays on the first floor for a while.

Alfred also informs them he had taken the liberty to inform Dick, Barbara, and Clark of the incident, so there will be patrol while Bruce’s shoulder is healing. Bruce goes rigid at this information.

Alfred asks if Jason will accompany him to the kitchen and help carry out their lunch.

When they’re alone, Alfred apologizes for keeping their identities from Jason, and how happy he is the boy is safe. He’d been so concerned yesterday at the car but hadn’t had time to do more than bug the vehicle.

They talk for a bit about identities and Jason accepts that it was kept from him, but now that he knows, he’ll stay in the loop.

Alfred also asks if he wouldn’t mind helping keep an eye on Bruce and make sure he doesn’t try and sneak back down to the cave without medical clearance. If he’d be alright to watch a movie in the living room with him, or a board game maybe.

Jason recognizes the ploy for what it is and plays along, grateful he doesn’t have to go worry by himself in his room or in the library.

When they bring the food out to the living room, Alfred shows Jason their selection of movies and makes sure they’re settled in before going off to take care of dishes.

Jason and Bruce start out sitting on opposite ends of the couch, but by the end of the second movie, Jason is stretched out in a way where they’re almost touching, a pile of pillows separating them.

Jason falls asleep during the third movie.

Dick arrives at the manor halfway through the fourth.

Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3 Pt. 4 Pt. 5 (sold separately)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Teehee! (Spritesheets your Wangxian)

[scoriarose]

Baby that is not an enrichment activity

Baby... Baby no you... Child...

I know you like to play with crinkly things but...

Aaaand into the messenger bag she goes.

[screechingfromthevoid]

You know what I love about the kiss? How fucking joyful it was. It was so light and so happy and so freeing.

The confession was so heavy and came at the last possible moment. Dorian was in his lower register, careful and eloquent. Orym had folded in on himself, shy and quiet. They have the weight of the world in their shoulders and they just needed a moment alone together. To say I love you. To let the other know. It all hinged on the moment before there was no going back.

But this. The kiss. It was after laughter and wedding planning and appreciating little things like lavender honey. Everyone was smiling. Everyone was feeling good. For whatever reason it didn't feel hopeless then. In that moment futures existed. Tomorrows existed. And Orym had one. Orym had a future and a tomorrow in Dorian.

Orym was so moved by all the happiness in the air that he confidently took Dorian by the hand to bring him out to the hall, told, then asked, him he was going to kiss him. All of Orym's fears melt away for ten whole seconds. Dorian stuttered and fumbled his words and kissed him back.

It was so cute. It was so joyous.

You know what it reminds me of? The stolen century. After Lup and Barry fall in love over years and years and they play this beautiful duet together. They lock eyes and smile at each other and steal away, running up the valley, away from it all. That moment of holding each other and just keep on not letting go.

The unrelenting giddiness of it all. The excitement. The glee. The promise of future. Wanting a future. Especially if it's together.