#so like I'm trying to fill space
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Looking at stats on Steam. It looks like only 52.5% of players have made it out of Act 1 of BG3. Since the game's full release in August I've been doing everything I can to avoid spoilers. Which sucks cause I really want to see BG3 fanart and people's Tavs/Durges . But I had to stop following a few art accounts that reblog other peeps' arts cause they didn't tag spoilers nor BG3. I dunno. I'm not trying to make a grand statement. I guess Ill try to mark spoilers and I hope more peeps mark spoilers.
#I hope peeps use the tags#even if your reblogging#I'm sort of hesitant to mark this post as BG3#Cause I'm not sure if I want to engage with the fan community until I beat the game#but i like the tag system on my tumblr#so like I'm trying to fill space#so when I do tag#maybe it won't show up in BG3 anymore#although I'm always behind on how these systems work#i dunno#bg3
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This year's big web! This one marks five years of big web!!!
#finished product sans wip updates!!#it's a couple weeks later than usual this year BUT we've literally never taken it down right after halloween so it's fine lol#doing it around halloween is just an excuse anyway tbh. this isn't a halloween decoration this is a 'jay likes spiders' decoration#I do LIKE the free zone but maybe in the future I'll leave a little more space? 🤔 hm#also I could maybe have filled out more of the frame but 1) I'm at the mercy of Amount Of String On Spool#and I forgot I wanted to try starting a fresh spool for the spirals until after I was already doing them#and 2) honestly I'm so sick of doing it by the end of it anyway gkjhkfdg by the time the spirals are that big it's HARD TO DO!!#about me#my art#spiderweb#big web
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It'll never stop being funny how people can see something in fiction and recognize it's wrong but for some reason, can't seem to translate that to real life and see how those same things are reflected in their behavior.
y'all watch episode 2, you see Louis face horrific macro aggressions while trying to conduct simple business, you watch him rightfully get angry, you cheer when he kills the man for what is agreed to be a blatant display of racism. you watch him then explain to lestat what the man did and why he reacted the way he did.
and you clutch your pearls when lestat is dismissive, disregarding louis' struggles and calling him confusing, that he's too dramatic and he needs to get over the racism he faces everyday because they just can't keep having this argument about their differences lestat is tired of it! you question how he can be so flippant to a very serious issue that he previously claimed to care about.
But then you come on this tag, you see black people, frustrated and exhausted, calling out the racism they face, explain how harrowing it is, how isolating and sinister it is, and you roll your eyes, dismiss it and call it "fandom drama", we're overreacting and we should drop it already because we can't keep having this "discourse" over and over again, the carousel comes round again and you're tired of it!
I simply have to laugh
#try as hard as they can they'll never push black people out of this space#they sat in their comfort cushion stuffed with white supremacy flavored foam for decades#and now that they're being forced to directly confront the abysmal nature of the text they love so much#it feels like they've been dropped to hard concrete from the 16th story window#I'm just giggling#your 'peace' is irrelevant as long as these ppl continue to make this fandom hell for us#we will continue to call them out and if that's all this tag becomes filled with then so be fucking it#interview with the vampire#iwtv
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Just Admit It- Part 1
I've been playing around with possible friendship dynamics of the Beast Council for fun!! I love imagining what kind of childhood they could have in the Forgotten Land all together.
What if Carol and Sillydillo are the fun-loving extroverts? Leon is the introverted one who's been smitten by Carol for a really really long time but he's too shy about it? And Gori is the friend who is an excellent observer and will bluntly tell you what he thinks (and maybe has a tendency to get grumpy when things aren't easily going his way).
Somewhat of a prequel to this other doodle comic about Leon and Carol- everyone here is still a kid ^_^
Part 2
#I know beast pack headcanons are so wildly up to interpretation! there's a few canon personality traits and lots of space to fill in betwee#I also just love stories about a group of lifelong friends all doing their best!#so why not play around with them and see what kind of stories about love and friendship they might experience? heehee.#and not all of them are about just Leon and Carol I have other plans!! this is just one of the first ones I have :P#these are quick and very self indulgent but I hope they can still be enjoyable hehe#friend squads for the win!!#also I feel like I draw the beast council a little differently every time I try lol. I'm getting used to them okay they are all so so shape#you should see the first drawings I ever tried to do of them. they are a little rough xD#I'm starting to understand why there's not a TON of content for them. Pretty much everyone except Carol are BUILT DIFFERENT#LEONGAR. WHY is your body and head proportioned like that?! you made me make up my own rules for drawing you!!#sillydillo and your funny little snout! I learned so much studying you! and I have so much work to do with all of you adjakflja#but I guess that's the definition of developing personal art styles huh?#so I guess these funny little stories have the added benefit of getting me more comfortable with the beasts!#ANYWAY that concludes this round of Jojo's director's commentary. like and subscribe#beast pack#clawroline#leongar#sillydillo#gorimondo#beast council#Kirby and the forgotten land#Kirby series#art#caroleon#????#sHOOT I still don't know the ship name I can't commit to one someone please tell me what it is I don't want to make one up ahh#ask me to tag it and I will happily do so sdjakfljdsla
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just some LoV sitting in the long lost bar in Ultra Impact in clothes that they didn't wear yet
#not art#bnha#ultra impact#shigaraki tomura#dabi#toga himiko#mr compress#twice#there's not enough space to put Kurogiri in there :(#I can do it but I'll have to make a sacrifice#just watching them talk is relaxing#like... they're all fine and I can literally fill the table with sushi#league of villains#got UR compress really recently#and it was raining Muscular and the other Compress before that#I have nothing against LoV rain but it was unexpected#I still wait for a day the final SR Dabi drops on the acc#for me to have a Dabi team just for fun#I think I have enough Dabi-themed memories for that#if not LoV centered once will come in hand too#I love the fact that LoV gets as much as 1-A and Pro Heroes#like accesories or ur and sr types of the characters#got second copy on Toga off the Valentines recruit#love her to bits so it was so sweet#still no other UR Tomura tho#and I keep trying every banner he gets a chance to rerun#I love the coat one but the variety of UR Tomura's is just...#I did get this one at all at least would've probably just gotten mad with the game otherwise#but I'm chill with this since I do have them#AND they have fillers
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by the lighthouse.
dividers
#alright i suppose i should tell what's up lately! im mostly posting this like a mini update or whatever haha#so - since i made that last post on my disappearance i worked endlessly to finish my animation project and thank goodness it's finally over#i had to take a break from trying to be social here and just stay in my own space and i did that by having a smaller side blog to ramble#the project was very... tiring - definitely took out so much energy from me post physically and mentally and i was just frustrated everyday#so i just took my time to be alone with a few close people and i like to think im okay now?#i like to think so - since i was able to deliver a few commission drafts today so i'm relieved that im back to my usual pace#I'll post a few of my doodles here i did during my project just to fill the void haha#i've acquired a minor familial from another video game and i care for him a lot :] idk ill bother to talk abt it here but yeah thats funnn#also indulging a lil bit of t.n.m.n content as of late also thanks to my friend who knows abt it hehe#soo yeah! I don't know if ill be active like the usual but know that i'm doing alright now! hope everyone's doing okay too xoxo#ill probably still stay in my smaller blog for a little longer but will occasionally pop in here!#sooo yaaa#~ art#💚 memoryshipping#also yea i think no.rton only had like. 10 days worth of being the blog brand here until i switched back to the usual guy lmaooo sorry 😔
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Anyway I got notified that I'll be getting a nice $$ bonus from work today and I wish that I could celebrate with someone in a way that didn't just feel like obnoxious bragging. Like beyond the financial aspect, it's just nice to be recognized for good work and I actually feel... good?? about this job??
But it feels so silly to say I want to celebrate when I just got back from what felt like my first real vacation in a very long time and am doing cool comic con stuff this weekend and am scheduled for a new tattoo next weekend. I am already doing lots of things to try to make myself feel good! It feels selfish to want more!
But I guess even with all of that, there's just still a hunger for external validation from trusted sources. Will I ever grow out of wanting someone to be proud of me?
#stoned ramblings#life of faye#i swear I'm not as sad right now as this makes me sound just kinda lonely is all#work bonus#boss also said that if i wanted to take on more responsibility we could talk raises as well#and like most days I'm done by like 1 so it's not like I'm wildly overworked as it is#I'm going to set some aside for fun stuff and the rest is going in my savings#i am finally FINALLY trying to build up a savings again#it's probably a silly dream but I still want to save up for a house#so what else can i do but try and save?#rent's gone up so damned much everywhere that for somewhere halfway decent it costs about as a mortgage to rent anyway#the only reason my rent is semi-managable is because I've been here for 8 damn years so they haven't been able to drive it up as much#other apartments here start at hundreds more per month for new tenants#so i feel like I'm stuck here until i can afford a place#my one real hope is that I inherit enough from my midwest grandma when she passes to make a good down payment somewhere#sometimes to torture myself I like to go look at houses that I think are in my approximate realistic price range if i could cover the down#i want a yard for velma#i want to be able to open my blinds and/or windows and not feel like a whole apartment complex's worth of people can see me#i want a kitchen where all the burners work and I have enough counter space to work#i want a dryer system where my apartment doesn't get filled with warm wet air when the neighbors are doing their laundry#i want to do nude gardening#and have backyard bbqs with friends#i want enough dedicated space to do art that i don't constantly have to shuttle the easel around the living room and up and down the stairs#all pipe dreams i know#but hey the grandma did say that i was one of her three main inheritors in the will#so we'll see#just to be clear she has not passed but she's nearing 90 and keeps talking about it so it's hard not to think about you know?#anyway these are the sorts of things that i would talk about if I had someone to cuddle on the couch and talk to about my day#texts to nobody
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i'm overwhelmed by the amount of positive comments i got on my latest fic! my heart goes out to all the survivors of sexual abuse, and i'm glad my fic has helped many of you process your own trauma. <3
#personal#i honestly wrote it bc i was feeling quite Bad abt very Old Wounds haha as i am sometimes wont to do#bc of a person/event that reminded me of my abuser#i thought it may resonate with like one or two people but i mainly wrote it for myself#and i am so surprised that so many people have messaged me about it#also kinda sad bc that means they've Not Had A Good Time#however i'm very glad my fiction can provide some sort of relief/catharsis#it's an isolating experience to have very ambivalent feelings abt your own abuse#and to become aware of your own patterns of seeking to repeat it/seeking toxic dynamics that remind you of it#about 6 years have passed since i was last abused in such a way#and while i do get randomly sad about it and while it has affected my psyche in a very significant way#and while i still do get the occasional flashback albeit it is much more rare nowadays#and still do react to certain things quite disproportionately#i have to say it DOES get better#esp if you make a tangible effort to heal#you will get there#and while it is a part of you it is not who you are#and you are capable of living a fulfilled and satisfying life#sexually and otherwise#i used to be so upset about not being a Good Victim#but the best thing i've done is that i have given myself grace and stopped policing/moralising my own experience#(that does not mean allowing myself to engage in repeated self-abuse)#(even if i have slipped a couple of times bc i am human)#i have allowed the space for my toxic fantasies instead of trying to banish them#but i have sought to fill my life with other positive experiences#while not forgetting or erasing the negatives#and while my abuse will always be a part of me it will not prevent me from being happy#also kink has helped a lot as well as writing#but i advise ppl to tread VERY carefully with kink as esp as abuse survivors#it is a slippery slope and it can be dangerous in many ways
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my ex, who lives alone, is apparently about to buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom, 2-garage house. what. i'm getting stressed out just hearing about it. tf you gonna do with all that space, bro? how you gonna clean all those bathrooms???
#he's like well i want one room for my home office and one room for my hobby and one guest room#add in a bedroom for him and that's still only 4 bedrooms? you have an entire extra bedroom????#plus an extra garage???#damn he thinks he's lonely now but dude just you wait until you spend every day ALONE IN A FIVE-BEDROOM HOUSE#trying not to project too much onto him but i really think this is absurd outside of my own preferences#he's been stressed living in his 1b apt bc his hobby takes up a lot of space#but i think this is just another example of his general propensity to treat the symptoms and not the disease#the problem is he's overcommitting & extending himself too much & he never finishes anything#that's what actually stresses him out#so him in a 5b house is just going to be him filling all that space with stuff until he's stressed again#anyway i have NO IDEA how to react to this because i think it's such a bad idea#i'm really bad at faking things i don't feel but i feel like it's too late to say 'wyd bro???' because apparently his offer was accepted#i did ask him how he's going to clean 4 bathrooms and he said he's just not going to use them#also it feels weird morally for a single (rich) man to buy an entire 5b house only for him in the middle of the seattle housing crisis#not like if he didn't buy it someone else would buy it and make it into affordable housing units so maybe it doesn't matter#still feels weird though and contributes to me not knowing how to react#if you have any advice for me followers...i am all ears#i've been really floundering on how to be a supportive friend to him lately#just really struggling with how to engage with him when it feels like he's his own worst enemy#and like it's not that he needs to have the same priorities as me it's just that he comes to me all stressed out and idk how to react#bc 'no shit you're stressed out. have you tried making completely different choices?' isn't a great option lol
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✨art✨
#Trying very hard not to be self conscious about the comic#Self consciousness is the inspiration killer#But I am very conscious that I am making A Lot of art and talking A Lot and I'm very conscious of annoying people#Or making people feel like I'm filling up a space so there's no room for them#I can be a pretty big personality when I'm comfoy and I've worked hard to let myself be but I worry about accidentally squashing people out#Because I don't want to do that! I want to lift people up with me!#Weh. I'm probably just ill and grumpy about it#Those of you who are out there saying really nice things about my art I love you#You keep me inspired#✨ ADHD ✨#This is why I'm a fandom lurker#But then people are nice and I'm like why am I worried so I make more things and thus the cycle continues#I like the things I'm making anyway and that's what counts 😤#Thank you for joining me on this journey
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Being unemployed and out of school in your early 20s is so weird. like I'm free I'm trapped time isn't real but neither is bedtime I'm making food from scratch I'm sweating over the price of groceries I'm entirely outside the rhythm of humanity while only now starting to see how it works. I'm living I'm dying I'm holding together my mental health with duct tape and one nice thing a person said to me 5 months ago I am running out of shredded cheese. yknow?
#voidrambles#posting in the vague hope someone else will Know because it's starting to feel like I'm the only one my age not Doing Something#''just get a job lmao'' look me dead in my eyes and say that again. ill kill u#(<- has been trying to since January)#anyway.#learning that it takes an absolutely herculean effort to connect with anyone when I have no daily routine that involves seeing the same ppl#the effort it takes to schedule things regularly or even just talk to people purposefully online without an obligation in common is#so much more than is sustainable to fill all my social needs#and I have never been a person with a high level of social needs#this is a temporary situation for me but it does make me wonder how many other people are similarly isolated#just by virtue of most of the adult world being too busy to create more community spaces other than jobs
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one of my favorite parts of strategy games like chess and advance wars is that feeling when you haven't quite won yet but the enemy has no real options so it feels like you're just sloowly wrapping around them like a snake. when all your enemy has is their king and you've managed to turn 3 of your pawns into queens, and all you've gotta do is get in juust the right position, and in the meantime all they can do is squirm. god, that's such a wonderful feeling. nothing quite like it
#incidentally i don't like it when versions of chess insist on enforcing a stalemate rule#honestly to a certain extent i feel like if your enemy has nothing but a king and you've got more than one queen that should just be an#automatic win. like exodia except instead of the individual pieces being useless they're all the most powerful monster card in the game#i think the favorite card i had as a kid was my five headed dragon. thought that shit was so cool. 5000 in both attack and defense???#it seemed unbeatable to my little kid brain. also it was a dragon. of course i loved it#i never learned how to Actually play yugioh of course. just what rules my stupid kid reading comprehension could understand#im pretty sure a monster has to be in play for you to be able to sacrifice it. i didn't know that so i filled my deck with nothing but#really strong monsters and i'd just sacrifice some directly from my hand to summon what i wanted#i stole a lot of yugioh cards as a kid from target. i'm comfortable saying this online because the statute of limitations has absolutely ru#out by now. i looked it up.#i remember for the first time i stole a box set that had exodia. i remember on my way home so i could open it... i genuinely felt like ther#was something mystical in that box. something ancient. there was something really special about that to my kid brain#i'd later steal quite a few more because i got the bright idea to fill a deck with nothing but exodia cards. i figured i'd always have a#first draw win. took me until actually trying to play it that i realized i'd often just get 5 left arms which obviously wouldn't work#so i took that deck and added some actual monsters to “hold me off”. it was pretty much just a normal deck with too much space taken up by#essentially useless cards. i don't think i ever actually won by drawing exodia naturally. what a shame#side note but i still get a bit anxious every time i go to that target. i haven't in years and i can basically guarantee they wouldn't#recognize Grown Ass Adult me as “that kid who stole a lot of yugioh cards”. it's been almost a decade if memory serves#i've grown a lot since then. both physically and metaphorically#i digress
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#a post thats in the tags so I don't take up space. Sorry for not being as active the last few days. got another thing piled onto the#'Kaden can't stop having things wrong with their body' So I'm dealing with bs. This one hit suddenly and I spent the day trying to get#into walk in clinics (and failed) they either weren't open or they were already filled for the day.#hoping I can get in sometime tomorrow and if not then its back to urgent care which is really something I'd not do as the wait times#are astronomically long. but if I have too I have too.#If I ever feel a little better I'll be here to bombard you with content and rb your stuff. please keep tagging me. i won't get to it#straight away but usually when I see I'm tagged I will rb it into my drafts so they don't get lost 💜#I feel like I haven't been existing lately irl and its really got me at an extremely low mood point.#sleep pain sleep pain eat/drink sleep pain repeat the cycle and I'm just so mentally exhausted.#I love you all /pl and I hope I can start being a little more cheery soon and I'm sorry a couple of my posts havent been. im just having a#real rough go of it rn#cosmic chatter
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friend got done with the fight and I was talking about the romance scene...But like. Soft faces?? love them. I just love the expressions in this game in general.
#Img: Talilah Bluethorn#Character: Talilah Bluethorn#I just really like how soft their expressions can be#but also how raw they can be too??#I'm just obsessed with the faces in this game ok#I got this game bc it was pretty#so that's why we're here#also I am rambling in tags to try to push tags back#in order to keep people from interacting with this due to my image tags#so like. SOFT FACES AMIRITE#gdi I need like. ten more tags#you guys know I wrote a fic where she helps him get cleaned up afterwards#bc I wanted her to wash his hair#but there's also sass of course#this couple doesn't exist without sass#omg five more tags I feel like I'm filling dead space#I really need to write some more fics. that'll be my thing tomorrow along with replies#I just enjoy them picking on each other that's how it rolls#why did they give him such a unique name#I am suffering here#Others: Astarion
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it actually makes me so angry that people are not there for you the way you need them but in a way that wants to make them feel good
#i'm pissed my friend just came to visit me at midnight on her way home bc she's leaving for california when i told her not to come#*she's leaving for california tomorrow#my uncle had to be taken to the hospital over the weekend and has been on the ventilator and she didn't call me at all to check in on how i#was doing and sent a text super late with a general how are you text because i've also been working on my qualifying exams#and i told her that was i was surprised she hadn't called me then and she said she was trying to give me my space (???????????)#meanwhile i've been dealing with stupid roommate drama and she knows that it wouldn't be ok for her to come and told her multiple times not#to and she thought i was being polite or something? when i said 'i literally do not want you to come'#there's actually been so much shit going on in my life and instead of coming when i needed you you're coming now that you have no other#time to come. i needed her this whole time and she's just been unavailable and socializing with other people and otherwise preoccupied#i do not need you to come at midnight to show me that you care it feels so disengenous#meanwhile while she was doing her phd apps i was literally glued to her side read her drafts was there for her emotionally was there#IN THE MOMENT as she was submitting them and even when she was finding out from programs and i was upset with her i was following up with#her and calling her every day. i really hate everything#i'm writing all this because i'm angry and i'm angry that i feel guilty for being upset with her when she just came over even though#i literally told her i didn't want her to come and suddenly it feels like it's my fault even though i know it's not#even today while she was on the phone she was just talking about shit going on in her life maybe to fill in the space that i wasn't filling#but like are you serious?#god i'm so upset i already can't concentrate on my work
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girl help he's an evasive flirt that understands me better than i do myself and the only person in the world who knows how to get to me and his energy is so strong it just fills me with so much desire and he's the only thing that gets me out of my head and into the world because i can't predict anything about him and i'm living on pure adrenaline and hanging from his every word and yet he makes me feel so safe and calm and my head has never been clearer... if you even care.
#i'm just gonna live on feeling and try to not overanalyze it because people spend their whole lives wanting this chemistry#and i spent my whole life feeling lonely#and there's this comfort i feel with my friends because we're the same and that's why we're so friendly#and he's like me too but like a mirror image and he just fills the empty spaces in my reality#i know i'm supposed to be cynical and conduct my love affairs like i work in hr but i just don't wanna.
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