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oh boy if I accidentally died it would be so cool
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Anyway. Guess he鈥檚 having a bad time again. But now he doesn鈥檛 talk to me about it. At least before we decided to do this officially, I was who he came to every fucking time his mood dipped. Or maybe he just hates me. I have no bloody clue. I need my brain numb and I need it now. But I have no drugs. Yay.
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U Suck // CallMeKarizma
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You deserve the world. You deserve to be with someone who is proud to be with you. Someone who is proud to be themselves. And instead you have me. A man who breaks his knuckles beating up some guys face just because he called me gay. And then I came home to my boyfriend.. who I live with because yes, I鈥檓 gay... and hid in the bathroom and attempted to bandage up my hand so you wouldn鈥檛 see it.
You, Morgan, are someone special. And you deserve someone special. Not me. I鈥檓 so scared you鈥檙e gonna wake up one day and realize how much shit this is for you.
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Talked to both Louis and Harry today. I've talked to Harry here and there already. I wish I could make him not feel how he's feeling. I'm no good at the being a friend thing but I tried. Not sure how well I did. Louis was more nerve wrecking for me. Which was built up in my own head cause he was fine. I've missed talking to him a lot so I'm glad I decided to. I'm going to try to do that more. I miss those lads.
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9.7.17
We haven't really talked in a few days. And it's fucked my head up. I asked about it today and he said it was because of his mood swings and him not wanting to upset me. But the whole not talking to me about shit upsets me more. I literally never meant to care like I do. And he deserves better than this hidden stuff but I'm not ready. I'm just bloody not. Anyway. He fell asleep watching Hey Arnold with me. I got high, snuck out and got in a few fights. Managed to not get my face hurt since I have to be out in public later. I feel like I'm causing him more harm than good. He says I'm not but I'm not so sure.
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9.2.17
No one saw me side stage for Morgan. Thank fuck. I didn't even want to show up to sing for my set. Was high as a damn kite. Did anyone notice that? Probably. And then a meet and greet? Haven't done that shit since 1D. Do I gotta be sober? Am I ever sober?
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