#so lavellan will work it out eventually

[ohsweetflips]

not to be meta abt my rook and how i went abt creating them but there is something abt starting them solely with the idea of "you will have no relation to my warden and inquisitor, who are family and had almost a real-life decade of my life dedicated to developing their world" that really gets me going. like. from the very beginning you are on the outskirts. in-game, you were needed as someone new, someone out of the loop, and so narratively, your history is inconsequential. in-game, your backstory is murky at best, and so narratively, you will be by yourself until you find the people you will later be defined by. there is no intricate red string of fate weaving you into decades of families and history; you are the one on the outside who must be brought in. you have no family and thus the family of heroes that came before you will be folklore. you must learn what was inherent to them - what made them. you are thrust into a world that has already been crafted before you, and your creator has leaned into you being no one before your existence.

anyways. feeling so normal abt rhodes aldwir rn.

[trebuchet151]

WIP whenever: OC birthday edition

Happy bday Ithelanas! I do NOT have the spoons to finish any of this right now, planned to after work but so it goes.

(heavily censored for tumblr) horny art of my dragon age boys under the cut, and heres a link to (half of) a fic I wrote to accompany it. I just dont have the brain power tonight to work out how to make Suli's other hand look right or how to write smut

[thebookworm0001]

OKAY BUT WAIT YOU'RE ONTO SOMETHING WITH THAT.

Lavellan and Zev? I'm 100% here for it.

Oh my god the way that Ellana and Zev work is so damn good, and I do hope I actually finish some of their wips because the vibes are so chill.

Sorry I’m about to drop my plans about it under a cut/in the tags welcome to a short ramble

The short version of how it starts is that some of clan lavellan survives the attack on wycombe and, after they reunite, choose to become something of a menace to tevinter slavers. An eventual contact for their operations is one former Crow.

And turns out helping her protect people she cares about is a good way to win Ellana over. Isera, her younger sister, suggests that Zevran and her might be More Than Friends and, as younger sister often unfortunately are, she’s right.

It’s an uncomplicated and healthy relationship that really is just them being there for each other. And considering her last relationship was Solas (and the one before that left her effectively widowed) it’s refreshing. And Zevran is good at being flirty while also giving Ellana space to figure out what she wants (being demi, she takes a bit of time to grow attraction and it doesn’t always happen. though she does develop it for Zevran - and he is happy to indulge her).

Anyway it eventually becomes clear that, even as much as she cares for Zev, she ain’t over her ex and he bows out. He leaves Them on offer if she gets over him/realizes how dumb solas is (my words, not his - he’s much nicer than that) and makes arrangements for another well-connected contact to take over his work with the clan.

Anyway it’s very much a soft place for Ellana to land and silver fox Zevran is very pretty and if I weren’t so attached to Ellana and Solas I would absolutely have her fully move on with her retired assassin whom her younger sister thinks is nice and cool

[skullywullypully]

Imagine the city elf inquisitor or the Dalish elf Inquisitor doing an Odysseus on the people who killed their family/clan.

[loredrinker]

Lavellan Joining Solas in the Fade - the Least Risk for Thedas in the Long Run

Solas, as a former spirit, is a man who has to navigate emotions rather than embody them.  

Solas: A spirit does not work through emotions. It embodies them. Varric: But he isn't a spirit, is he? He made himself human, and humans change. 

His life seems to have been one of extremes. And spirits reflect so who he surrounds himself with matters - or lack thereof considering what isolation does to him.  

Like all humans/mortals, Solas’ has to deal with emotions but as a former spirit who embodies and reflects, then the presence of someone who understands him (sees him) is important.

Simply put, he needs help processing his emotions. (Don't we all though?) 

Logically, the best thing for Thedas in the long run is for Lavellan to be with Solas in the Fade. (Any high approval Inquisitor really - because they symbolize connection, friendship and some non-romanced Inquisitor players really cared for Solas.)

In the Atonement ending where Solas goes alone, he enters the Fade with a clear purpose and a healthier state of mind. This is good, yet Thedas is left to trust that his atonement will lead to lasting stability. Even with his resolve, Solas will still be alone in what he sees as a prison of regret. While he may have found some measure of peace upon entering, Thedas can only hope that years of isolation do not erode his convictions.

The Fade is fluid, shaped by thought, belief, and emotion. Left alone, Solas alone defines his reality – so what happens if, over time, his belief in himself wavers? If his purpose falters? 

I believe Lavellan’s presence benefits both Solas and Thedas - she is a safeguard.

By being there, Lavellan acts as an anchor. Her presence prevents him from slipping too far in either direction, giving him someone to share the burden of his emotions - and hers as well. How many times do we feel better when we talk out our feelings with those we love?

Solas created the regret prison – that's how he sees it. But Lavellan changes its nature by refusing to see it as a prison at all. It’s why she tells him it won’t be terrible if they’re together. She reframes his exile, turning it from a sentence into something else - a path walked alongside someone. 

She sees him as a man capable of change echoing what Varric says: "...and humans change."

If she refuses to see him purely as a monster, if she holds to the truth that he can remember his original purpose and find redemption through atonement - then the Fade prison will bend to that belief. Which means eventually, I believe they can find a way out of it. If spirits mirror what they encounter, then being in the Fade with Lavellan means Solas is continuously reflecting someone who loves him, who challenges him emotionally, who refuses to let him forget his humanity. Someone who sees him. 

Lavellan was forced into the role of Herald, then Inquisitor - eventually accepting her path. She made decisions that shaped Thedas, choosing what was best for the world over personal preference or wants.  So how lovely, that a personal choice rooted in love now finally aligns with her role as a leader, continuing to protect Thedas. 

[ephemeralinstance]

Making community after Veilguard

It's clear that in order to heal Solas needs a community. He needs people around him, he needs to learn to trust and open himself up and allow others in. No matter how wonderful Lavellan is she can't be enough on her own, so the idea of them just being alone together forever in the Fade doesn't really feel right. So in my headcanon I instead like to imagine that Solas and Lavellan eventually reach the Lighthouse and set up something like a university there, reachable by eluvian for those who want to learn. They'll teach elves to reclaim some of the beauty and wonder of ancient elven magic. They'll teach mages to work better with spirits, cooperating and helping one another rather than living in fear. They'll teach spirits to negotiate the physical world without becoming demons. Students will come from all over Thedas to study with them. They'll bring in guest lecturers too - seers from Rivain, necromancers from Nevarra, augurs from the Avvar. Their students will learn to appreciate all the different magical traditions from across Thedas, and Solas and Lavellan themselves will also delight in learning new theories and new ways of making magic. They'll have a real flourishing community around them, a collection of like minds all dedicated to learning. Solas will have friends and loved ones, people who are excited to learn from him and people from whom he's excited to learn in return. In time he'll let his walls down and begin to truly heal. And as a bonus he will get to live out what is clearly his true calling, i.e. to become a professor. The Lighthouse will become a hub of learning and compassion, and Professors Solas and Lavellan will live there forever, helping to guide generation after generation towards tolerance and understanding.

[ar-ghilas-vir-banal]

When I first played DAI, I found Solas callous and cold. He aggravated me with how bull headed he was about his plans and not listening. Still does in that regard. But what upset me so much was how he treated the Inquisitor.

Just. Broke her heart. For nothing. And he was so scant with his affection that you can tell she drank up whatever drops he spilled out for her. Like in Crestwood when he touches her cheek, the woman is so touch starved that she touches her face in shock.

But now I realize what was happening with that enraging man and I can’t hate him for it. It was never meant to be cruel. He adored her. So much that despite knowing he had to follow through, he knew the price of it would be what shreds of goodness he still had. Even in DAV, Rook can accuse him of being just like Elgar’nan and all Solas says is “I know.” He knows what he is.

And that kind of person would only take Lavellan’s love for him and use it to control and eventually destroy her. If she’d been there the night Varric was killed, he’d have killed her in the heat of the moment. If she’d confronted him before he’d been worn down again, beaten down to the ground physically, it wouldn’t have worked. And he’s still trying to go through with it right up until Mythal, with her final key for the chains wrapped around and within that man, finally does something.

Solas didn’t leave her because he grew tired of her or “couldn’t be distracted.” He left because he was terrified of her seeing what he’d become. If she was close enough to see that, she’d be close enough for it to hurt, and she would either come to hate him or she wouldn’t even get that chance. He loved her. He couldn’t just let that happen.

When she snarled “Var lath vir suledin” at him through her pain, his reply was “I wish it could.” It doesn’t mean “our love is too weak for this.” It means “I am becoming something that will destroy what we have and even though ending it is cutting my own heart out, I’d rather this pain than for us to become what the Evanuris did. Remember me as Solas. You will always be my Vhenan.”

I think that’s why Lavellan never stopped loving him. Because she knew he still loved her. Even if it was very confusing. But the beautiful unhinged Lavellan girl you are you’re own flavor of obsessed thing that Solas she sees him again, he reminds her of what he’s done like “I TOLD YOU, DON’T YOU REMEMBER WHAT I DID?!”

To which she snaps back without missing a beat: “I FORGIVE YOU!” and sounds so exasperated, like OF COURSE I DO!!

[dors-ee]

I really like the tragicness of Lavellan in dai. I don't know the other inquisitors well enough, sorry. But I really like Lavellan, even if the clan survives.

Actually in particular if the clan survives.

There's no "my whole family is dead and taken away from me". There's no "everything is destroyed never to be rebuilt", there's no "all of my friends are dead" ...

partially because being friend in the first place is part of the tragicness.

The inquisitor tragicness is a... personal one, an interior one. They are the ones going through it, more so than the world. They do close the breah they do get rid of Corypheus. They could technically go back home.

But they can't. Because they changed so much. As a person they changed, like themseleves. But how they've perceived is also changed, and this perception is changed and twisted and different for everyone.

The herald of Andraste for some, a dalish elf for others even after all of that... but for the dalish themseleves... what of the fact the inquisitor was helping the chantry? Affiliated with it?

They're a billion different persona, and yet none fits truly. And as a person they're irremediably changed to, left to be... something.

For Lavellan in particular there's also the whole elvhen thing -that adds distance with the other dalish but again... that's an internal thing mostly. I doubt Lavellan was going screaming about everything they've learned. They lesrnt things about the eleves, that distance them from the other whether they want it or not.- that can shake their feeling of seld. They sense of self sorry, for the actual term.

Their sense of self as an elf I mean. Everything they believed for about elves, about what it is to be an elf, have been shaken terribly. (that one apply to rook too and veilguard should have gone into that more, like everything else.).

Who are they? is now posed on the deepest level for them. It's not just a matter of identity but their, their whole species, existence is questioned. Who are they? Where they is "the elves"...

but also, if we go further, thedas. The world. Who are they, this world? The very law of nature they believed in are apparently not the real ones. It's a made up world really, in a way.

And yet, that is in between the inquisitor and eventually their close circle. It's them that knows it and is shaken.

Someone else explained the friend thing better than me, how the inquisitor is forced into this role and with those people. They didn't truly chose them did they?

not saying true friendship and love can't come out of it, but everything was basically forced onto them.

And those people, those strangers from the other world, from their oppressors, the oppressors of their people, are forced onto them. They have to help them or get killed, as an elf. The chantry is saying "help or die" to an elf, knowing the history that is wild to me.

Then they're like "you're our tool. Good. cool. We'll use you wring out evrrything out of you. We'll change you on a deeper level, then we'll abandon you."

or rather force integration into the chantry which again DALISH ELF, or wlel "leave ir all behind. What, despite being forced into this, you have managrd to build yourselfx what maaaybe you found some sense of comfort... or maybe some meaning -make it worth it to be forced there/losing everything- into, let it go."

And so you either betray yourself, the dalish elves, further or you give it up. And you are left with... nothing.

your friends leave you, everyone goes back to their lives. And you? What do you do?

Now that you are an entirely different person? Now that as a dalish elf you helped the fucking chantry?

like the elf vs chantry here really is fucking wild to me. I can't articulate ir well but the chantry foricng a dalish elf "die or help", to work for them, to help them. Then the elf do, the eld beteays themseleves, abandon themseleves -forced yes- and build something... and then it is taken away.

No sorry oppressed we used as a tool. Either integrate, or get lost. Happy to use you when needed now we discard you.

elevate you to a myth, a myth of a religion that is not yours, that actually had oppressed your for milleniums, force you to be this mythical figure but of our religion... then abandon you.

And there's no one to truly relate to that. There's no one that has lived what rhe inquisitor has lived, with the dalish/chantry, with being changed so deeply with all the revelations aboutthe elves and the world. (or maybe there is, for the others about the world, yes. So some people cna relate to parts of it, not all of it.

Even Solas, can only relate to part of it when you think about it.

The inquisitor is totally alone in the end. It is an internal tragedy mostly, but it is a tragedy.

They're incredibly tragic to me, how they lose their sense of self their home their world, everything is taken away from them, and... it's also the "how" it happens. Because again, in particular if the clan survive, technically physically things aren't taken away really.

even their friend leaving at the end, it's not so much a physicsl distance type of abandonment.

And idk. That makes them so... tragic. (not more or less than other type of tragedies. Just different.).

And like they can't escape it either. I mean, if they don't become the inquisitor, they die at the conclave (if my memory is correct.).

I don't know if any of that really makes sense or if they're just rambles. Other people have put the tragedy of being the inquisitor into words much much better than me.

I remember a psot about home, speaking of warden/hawke/inky and how inky lose their homes bc hero don't have homes. The being made a myth, a hero, is a big part of the tragedy.

Personally I put it into "irremediably changed as a person" here.

ah quickly I just thought about it but : the inquisitor foes leave home for the conclave voluntarily. And I think it's a neat parallel to Solas and interesting to think of. The other protagonists are forced to leave home, but the inquisitor at first does it voluntarily. They have no idea of what will happen, but they do leave by themseleves. Not relaly on topic but I just thought about it and needed to say it haha

[cussundria-nerd-kneal]

Not-So-Happily-After Fade Prison?

This is a purely indulgent solavellan musings, I will be honest, and I'm laughing at myself that this is my first technical post, but I've just had this thought running around in my mind, and I need to barf it out. I am also aware that these thoughts are coming from a place of my Inquisitor Lavellan's personality that no one has privy to but me, lol.

But, my thought is... I really doubt that Solas and Inky are actually going to be happy and sunshine rainbows in the Fade right away? And I am not talking about them working through Solas' issues while in the Fade Regret Prison. I've seen a lot of criticism and confusion that Lavellan is still not over Solas, and never moved on from him after 10 years when they basically had barely anything at all, and I'm in that ball park too. But instead of being like "Oh yeah, she hella got over to him, I'm pissed that canon Inky didn't." I'm more... What if Lavellan TRIED to get over this person that she barely knew, but had such a deep and intrinsic bond with that her stubborn heart refused to budge? What if she did date, have lovers, tried for an actual serious relationship, all in the hopes of getting over Solas, but it never worked? She was still forever chasing after him, and eventually gave up hope and went about her days silently pining for him, but still hell bent on making sure her love did not destroy the only home she knew? She was still the Inquisitor that saved the world from the Breach, and while the Inquisition disbanded/is heavily restrained, the world has not forgotten her or her status? So she's still VERY politically active, and Thedas still has its eyes on her.

I have my Inquisitor Lavellan essentially be a very driven and headstrong woman who shares a LOT of similarities with Solas (completely by accident, mind you, the more I think about and develop Emmerie Lavellan, the more startled I am at how freaking similar she is to the Dread Wolf), so therefore, she's angry at him. At breaking her heart, at taking the Anchor from her instead of trying to help her control it, of not even trying to convince her to come with him, of being so narrow minded and refusing to listen to anyone but his own regretful thoughts. She wants to grab his shoulders and scream at him that she's real, they're all real, and ripping everything that this fragile world has scrounged together apart is wrong. She's so blistering mad that he keeps running away from her, but still leaving just enough clues to keep trailing after him. She goes between thinking its wistful hope and spiteful mockery on why he would do that at all.

That scene in Veilguard, where she talks to Rook kinda nailed it for my Lavellan. She's torn but still angry after ten years. She's the definition of turbulent when it comes to the topic of Solas. It also feels like the first time she can voice her thoughts without abject scorn (funnily enough, considering Rook has Solas sneering in their head still at that point)

With all this set up... I wouldn't say there would be no way she wouldn't jump at the chance of finally being with Solas, after so long. I think she would be so desperate to stop him that she would say anything to get him to stop. But then he turns away again from her to continue on his destructive path, shattering her heart a third damn time, and it's only Morrigan/Mythal that finally gets him to stop. But she still goes with him... and I wonder if it was one last sacrifice on her end. She loves a 'monster', but she loves her world more. (I'm going in and out of my OC's thoughts and general thoughts on canon worldstate Lavellan here, sorry) So, maybe she is willing to take on this task of making sure Solas stays alive for as long as she can, and help him quell the Blight, and make sure this isn't fluke on his part and he truly gives up on his quest. She makes one last sacrifice to save her world, and walks into the Fade... and things are NOT hunky dory because of this. If any of these motives are present, of course they're going to come to light and Solas is going to find out, one way or another. They're in the Regret Prison and they're both airing out all of their dirty laundry. Solas has a lot to air out, but oh boy-- does he get to find out his Vhenan also has a lot of regrets she's been bottling up!

It's messy. It's painful. Lavellan gets to see him, and she doesn't turn away, but by the Marker - is it hard to swallow all that he has done. And in turn, it's hard for Solas to swallow that the love of his life didn't really come with him because she loved him, but because she sees him as another obligation she has to fulfil to keep her world safe. I am so utterly captivated by this narrative. Where they're fighting, they're stuck with each other for who knows how long, they have no one else BUT each other - and they still love each other so much that a bonfire is cold in the wake of their fire. But it's so messy, and the Regret Prison makes it worse. But... I don't think think they end up hating one another.

I have the concept of a turbulent dynamic between two people who are still twin flames who relearn to fall in love with each other, and take accountability in their mistakes and learn to come together and accept the other completely. They go on adventures in the Fade. The Blight nearly kills them both. There's the unspoken weight that Solas' life alone is keeping the Veil intact now. But it's not a story that ends with them hating each other, despite how easy it would be.

I don't know. I like the idea of Happily Ever After in the Fade... But it just feel like that isn't what would happen between them, canon Inky or my personal OC Inquisitor? Like, it just doesn't feel the least bit realistic, no matter the narrative. I haven't seen anyone else post or talk about anything similar to this, so here's to me barfing out my indulgent thoughts into the void.

[teamdilf]

Rook finding out about Solavellan please?

This is a three chapter comedy fic centred around Rook discovering that Solas and Iris were an item and proceeding to snoop in an attempt to learn as much as possible, eventually finding the letter that Solas wrote to Iris!

Breaking into the Dread Wolf’s office took several weeks of work, including a threat to knock the door down (“that would be ill-advised,” the Caretaker said, calm as can be), before two wisps took pity on her and made themselves known, offering their help to get her in legitimately instead of “through criminal means”, as Emmrich described her “antics”.

What she expected she isn’t sure, but definitely more than a desk, a cot, a wolf statue and an ugly hat in a chest. Fuck, Solas is a loser. Staring at the metal helmet with the nose piece so sharp it threatens to puncture a hole in its wearer, she wonders how Solas ever convinced Lavellan to fuck him. Like, he would be uniquely unfuckable in this helmet.

She tosses the helmet into a pile near the door because maybe Davrin’ll want to try it on for a laugh. Or Taash can punt it off the edge of the floating island!

Dogs fetch, right? Maybe the key to defeating the Dread Wolf is to punt his shit off a floating island in the Fade.

[pixdoodles]

I’m not happily crying because your Lavellan has short hair. I’m not—

it’s so hard to find any art with short haired ladies

I love your work, thank you 🥺

AWUAH thank you! I think she just looks so striking all shorn to the scalp like that. I love her at all her hair lengths its fun to imagine how they changed over time with necessity of duty.

theres some variation between these but her hair changes up a lot following wicked eyes wicked hearts then she grows it out between trespasser and veilguard before she eventually shaves it all off on a regular basis. Something about walking the dinan'shiral idk ;)

[pikapeppa]

Felassan enjoyers!

Is anyone out there:

Thirsting for the handsome Slow Arrow with the world's highest cheekbones 🤚

Wishing they could have romanced him 🤚

Wishing he was still alive 🤚

Wishing for more lore about him 🤚

Might I offer you this nice egg fic in these trying times?

THE BASIC PREMISE:

It is canon that people who are killed in the Fade become Tranquil in the real world. What if Solas didn’t kill Felassan after all at the end of The Masked Empire? 

What if Felassan was made Tranquil instead, de-Tranquilized thanks to Cassandra Pentaghast, and sent to recover his emotions and his magic with a cranky ex-Inquisitor in post-Trespasser times?

If you want to read about Felassan and a very tired Lavellan sitting in a mansion talking and smoking and eventually fucking falling in love, then please feel free to have a peek!

WARNING: this was written in 2020 pre-Veilguard so a bunch of the theories don't match up with 2024 canon. So please don't look too closely at those parts HAHA.

[sometimesraven]

Rook Appreciation Week - Aldwir

Playlist || AO3

Watch Her Story In Progress: Twitch || YouTube

Origin: Dalish Elf Gender: Trans woman Sexuality: Lesbian, polyamorous Class: Mage Faction: Red Jenny, Veil Jumpers Romance: Inquisitor Lavellan, TBD (looking like Bellara so far)

Adris was a budding young mage of the Dalish clan Sabrae who made her own way shortly before the Fifth Blight took hold. While her clan travelled north to escape the plague of Darkspawn making its way toward them, a bright-eyed, ambitious and naive Adris decided to take her chances in the city.

She quickly learned that life is not so cozy among Shem. Sickened by the things she'd seen and the way elves and commoners alike are left behind in a crisis, she became a Friend of Red Jenny before long, travelling across Ferelden to help out where she could -- and eventually following trouble led her to Orlais, which is where she met the Inquisitor.

They became fast friends (no better icebreaker than catching Lavellan falling from a rooftop) and then something more -- although their romance was always ghosted by the shadow of Solas. Still, Adris adores Lavellan; and if Solas returns, perhaps they could figure things out...

When she travelled to Arlathan forest in response to rumours of unusual activity, hoping to aid the Inquisition in their search for Solas, she found herself swept up in the Veil Jumpers' work; always more interested in the smaller picture.

Still, she got back on track before long, when she finally met Varric. By then she wasn't going by her clan name any longer, at least publicly. She introduced herself -- Adris Aldwir, after someone she failed to save, a long time ago (CW non-graphic CSA). Donned with the nickname "Rook", she set off to find, and stop, her lover's ex-lover.

@rookappreciationweek

[krems-chair]

I received a comment on one of my posts about how Solas and a romanced Lavellan aren't his most important or only relationship, and while I have been trying to work through the content we ARE given in the game (which is, unfortunately, mostly Solavellan focused and less expansive for Inquisitors who had a different relationship for him as far as I currently understand it) before moving on to other things I wish we'd gotten to see, I wanted to take a moment to emphasize that I do love and miss the connections forged in Inquisition. I look forward to seeing more posts delving into it once the initial torrent of emotions settles a bit.

I know that EVERYONE except Cole Greatly Disapproves at the end of Trespasser, but if Varric can overcome any grudge he had claim to against someone who (potentially) set in motion a series of events that killed his best friend, I like to think that even if we didn't get to see it in Veilguard, his other friends tried to help bring him home, too. Maybe in the form of helping out where they could, but at the very least through some meaningful little moments we could have gotten as codex entries (or can imagine for ourselves quite nicely).

My favorite is currently the possibility that in the skirmishes between agents of Fen'harel and the Inquisition (disbanded or not), little slips of paper get dropped/exchanged/found amidst the chaos.

Depending on your worldstate, Blackwall is potentially the king of "I made some REALLY bad mistakes, but exist as proof that with the right people around you, you can still do good." Solas admired him a great deal, and they had some of the best conversations in the game. I like to think he'd send letters both grand and impassioned as well as just short ones, maybe little updates on his life. "Helped an injured farmer repair his roof. Stayed for a fantastic meal. Never would have happened if I hadn't tried another way."

I know there was more to their relationship than chess, but I also would have loved if Bull and Solas exchanged a few more intellectual jabs through it. Solas wins, and wins, and wins, but I like to think that the closer we get to Varric finding him at the ritual, the more ground Bull eventually gains, until finally, panicked, Solas never sends an agent with his next move, and Bull knows he's faltering at the finish line.

And ofc I would have killed for absolutely any interstitial scene with a Cole who remained a spirit, arguably the character that understands Solas the most, talking to him in the Fade Prison. I think he really could have benefited from some compassion while he was busy manipulating Rook.

These are just my initial thoughts though. I know there's so much more that could be talked about (I'm still partial about a world in which Solas' worst nightmare in the form of Sera appears and for once they're on the same page because if he thought she annoyed him? Hoo boy is Elgarn'an even more susceptible).

Anyways. Yeah, I love Solavellan, but I love the entirety of his story and the relationships he formed, too.

[imakemywings]

The Regrets of Mythal

When Solas tilted his head to deepen the kiss, Lavellan delicately withdrew, as she had done repeatedly since they had entered the Fade. She had made no complaints, nor reprimands, nor in any other way indicated he was behaving inappropriately, yet in the past he had known her to have more tolerance for such things. Unable to suppress his concerns any further, Solas probed carefully.

            “You are distracted,” he observed, keeping his tone light. Lavellan was looking off into what constituted the horizon of their world. “What has ahold of your thoughts?”

            Lavellan hummed. “Nothing,” she said, matching his lightness, looking up at the sky as if there were something there of surpassing interest which he should also find compelling. Solas had grown accustomed to the tells of Lavellan’s lying, even if she had managed it more adeptly in this instance.

            Using a tack which was generally reliable for getting information from her, while keeping his voice gentle, he said: “I wish you would tell me what troubles you.”

            There was a lengthy pause, while Lavellan tugged at the sparse Fade grass around them, debating whether to make another effort at lying. Finally, she spoke.

            “Do you remember when I drank from the vir’abelasan?” Solas snorted in disapproval.

            “Yes, I would not forget.”

            “Well, that piece of Mythal…she is with me still. She does not make herself known often, but she is there. And she is…most …vocal when you and I are close.” They were close more often than not these days. There was no one else for company but the spirits.

            Solas cocked his head to the side, intrigued.

            “Perhaps it—the fragment—is responding to something,” he said. “A memory of Mythal’s, or some association she once had?”

            Lavellan hummed again, in the way she did before she drastically understated something. “No, I don’t think that’s it,” she said, still picking at the grass and not looking at him. Solas studied her profile a moment.

            “What do you think?” he asked, since she was the one with a bit of Mythal in her head.

            “Ah…” Again, he watched her consider lying. Again, she eventually fell out on the side of cautious honesty. “I believe she is…uncomfortable developing such an…incarnate knowledge of you.” 

            As usual, Lavellan phrased herself so obtusely that Solas had to consider her words a moment before grasping what she was putting so tidily.

            And when he realized, he could not stop himself from laughing.

            “Has the fragment spoken to you?” he asked.

            “No,” Lavellan said. “But the sentiment is present.”

            “And what is the sentiment?”

            “I imagine it is similar to how I might feel about suddenly sharing a mind with my sister-in-law,” said Lavellan, and Solas let out another burst of laughter, briefly consumed with the thought of Mythal’s expression at having to be party to Lavellan’s experience of his romantic advances, then sobered as he realized the problems this presented. “I am working on soothing her,” said Lavellan. “But she is still…fussy.” She exhaled loudly. “I must admit you were correct when you warned me that there would be consequences to drinking from the vir’abelasan of which I had not yet conceived.”

            “And I will confess I had not foreseen this particular consequence myself,” Solas replied.

            “Well,” Lavellan sighed with some chagrin, at last turning her attention back to him directly. “At least we have quite some time to sort it out.”

On AO3

[cosmiccrushes]

What If

Solas x Lavellan | 1.5k words

What if Solas had told her the truth when he meant to?

Solas exhales a deep breath, one he might have been holding since before he led her into this glade. Since before he made the decision to bring her here. Since he held her hand up towards the sky to wield a magic she should not even have. 

He relishes the way the moonlight dances across her freckles and vallaslin. In the beginning, seeing those markings on her had only brought him a detached sort of sorrow, having seen them adorn the faces of many Dalish over his long, endless centuries. If there existed a vallaslin for Fen’Harel, he wondered what he would feel if she had chosen it. Would she choose him now, when she knew the truth of her peoples’ Old Gods?

Over time, as he came to know her, those markings had tapped into a deep well of rage within him- and shame. Unbearable shame. He was the reason she wore those markings on her face with no idea of the heinous past they truly represented. He was the reason she bore an ancient magic upon her hand that would eventually kill her. He was the reason her sky was torn open and every day of her life was a fight to survive now. He was the reason and she deserved so much better. 

Thus, she was the reason he was standing in this glade about to make a choice. A choice that would forever change his trajectory. A choice he cannot decide if it is brave to make or incredibly selfish of him. 

But she changes everything. He tried to resist it but with her every curious question about the Fade she worked her way into his heart. With every act of compassion she showed towards spirits, she embedded herself deeper until he found that she had lodged herself next to that well of emotion he had not drank from in centuries. Suddenly he felt. He felt fear and anger, joy and hope, grief. He felt it all, with her, for her. Solas realized it like a bright, clear sunrise dawning on him after centuries of clouded night. He loved her. And if he loved her, the only way to show it was with the truth. 

That truth, well, it may be the last conversation he is ever privileged to have with her. But she deserves it and he needs it. He needs to know if he has been…wrong. If there is another way that his pride prevented him from seeing. The path he walks, the Din’anshiral. It is one he would protect her from at all costs. But perhaps…it is not one he needs to walk at all. What if… What if this feeling blossoming in his heart… What if this seed of possibility sprouting roots inside of him… What if it meant everything was allowed to change? What if he was allowed to water it, nurture it into a future he had never considered before her?

“I was trying to determine some way to show you what you mean to me,” Solas says to her. 

“That’s not necessary, Solas. You’re my…” She trails off, a question in her eyes. Her brows scrunch together and his fingers ache to reach out and smooth them down, to remove any weight of doubt from her mind about what she means to him. 

“That is the question, is it not? For now, the best gift I can offer is the truth…” Solas braces himself against the spike of fear. Would she still want to name what they are to one another after this? Would the only name to suffice be monster or enemy? 

“You are unique. In all Thedas, I never expected to find someone who could draw my attention from the Fade. You have become important to me - more important than I could have imagined.”

“As you are to me,” she responds, her eyes sparkling. 

“Then what I must tell you… The truth.” 

She watches him expectantly. Her fingers reaching out to lace with his own. Her touch sets off a sparking current of desire through him. He forces himself not to pull her closer and to look into her eyes as he says, “I am not who you think I am, vhenan.” Her lips part in confusion. “Or,” Solas continues gently. “I am not only who you think I am.” 

“Solas,” her fingertips brush his cheek. “What do you mean?”

Solas briefly clasps her fingers against his jaw before drawing her hand away. He swallows hard at the look of hurt that flutters across her face, but she did not know whom she touched. Not yet anyway. 

“I have spoken to you of the knowledge I have learned of through spirits in the Fade. And that is the true origin of some of my knowledge. The rest…” She nods slowly up at him, encouraging him to go on. “I was there, vhenan. Many millennia ago, when what your people call the Old Gods walked the land.” 

“Solas, I don’t…” she shakes her head, takes the smallest step away from him that threatens to shatter his resolve into panic. 

“Solas came first,” he says. “Fen’Harel, the Dread Wolf, came after.” He watches her so closely, studying her reaction like she is the Fade he has spent centuries of his life devoted to understanding. 

“Fen’Harel,” she whispers the name, his name. Then she takes another step, this time towards him, and it is the most important step in Solas’ long life. “Tell me, Solas. Tell me everything.” 

And so he does. The words spill from him, painting a picture of his life across a canvas that she watches with the curiosity and compassion that he has come to love her by. She does not flinch away when the colors grow dark and the shapes become jagged. Does not reach out in grief to shred the portrait of a false god that undoes every single thing she has been taught. 

When he tells her the truth of the mark upon her hand, she squeezes his own with it, the mark pressed between them like an oath to own this mistake as one. When he finally lifts his brush, his words running dry, she steps into him. Her hand lifts to cup his face again. Tears glisten in her eyes, falling silently down her cheeks. 

“Ma vhenan, we will carry this together.”

There is a fire in her voice that warms the icy waters of numbing grief Solas has drowned in for so long. It is a gift, her words. A gift Solas cannot believe he is worthy of receiving. A magic he did not know if he dared to wield. But she changes everything. And she can, they can.  

He reaches out, wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her to him. “Ar lath ma, vhenan,” he tells her. One last truth, as he weaves his hand into her hair, tilts her face up to his. 

“Ar lath ma, vhenan,” she responds, a glorious smile alighting her features.

Solas captures it in his mind, then with his own lips. A hunger breaking free of the reservoir he has kept it bottled within, eager to be quenched. She meets his passion, her arms winding around his neck. His hand roams down her back, pressing her tighter against him. She gasps his name, Solas, against his lips and he is undone. She exists and she sees him and she is choosing him. 

He pulls her to the forest floor with him. As her hands brace against his chest, her hips bracketing his own, his hands tangle in her hair as she hovers over him… As her lips crash down over his and Solas experiences a jubilation he is not sure he has ever known…

The Dread Wolf wakes up. No weight against his body. No warmth against his lips. The frigid well of his regrets, his shame, his grief, are his only company and absolutely no relief for the thirst her absence parches him with.

This dream comes to Solas often. Haunts him with the ghost of a choice he almost made, but did not. In another world, perhaps he would have known her love like that. She would know all of his names and he would give all of his heart. Despite the pain this dream afflicts him with, he cannot bear to will it away. He does not believe Fen’Harel deserves her love, because she does not deserve the hurt it would lead her to. Solas had a choice once to envision a different path. This dream reminds him of that. Though it tortures him, he believes this, Fen’Harel, does deserve. He had planned to tell her everything then, regardless of whether it was brave or selfish, because she deserved to know. He did not, so perhaps he deserves to suffer for it. 

Solas stares into the darkness of his room for a moment more. Letting the memory of her lips whisper a what if against his soul. What if he had chosen to trust her? What if he had let himself love her? What if he had let her love him? What if he was not so alone? What if he had done what she deserved from him? What if he was wrong?

He gets up. The time for what if’s long past. Solas had not done what she deserved and the Dread Wolf has work to do.