#so it’ll take me a while
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must admit im a bit surprised by this turn of events. but what the crowd demands the crowd will receive. for who am i if not merely the hand which holds the pen, the paper which houses the words, the mouth which shapes the speech, the uttering which (my microphone cuts off)
the sudden influx of sdv fics im seeing from moots and just seeing in general is changing something within me .. do i dare attempt to write a shane fic that encapsulates the weariness of both his aging body and plummeting mental health on top of the recurring reminder of the deaths of his two best friends and how the guilt he has no reason to feel cripples him and how horribly ill-equipped he is to care for a child who he can’t look at without being reminded of them. hm.
#y’all r about to regret this decision#get ready to read about the most pathetic man in existence that even Shane is horrified#IM EXCITED#unfortunately im the kind of writer that likes to finish the entire thing before publishing#so it’ll take me a while#chitchat
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Do ya’ll even understand how much seeing Stolas cry fucking hurts
Like, physically hurts
#like this image keeps coming to mind and I want to scream#and his voice cracking when saying he didn’t realize blitz thinks so low of him#somebody sedate me#please 🥺 my heart can’t take this#helluva boss#stolitz#tabithaposts#in other news I just got my sister and her bf into helluva boss#I can’t wait to find out how they’ll feel about this#they’re only halfway through season 1 though#it’ll be a while
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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back from the dead
#god x godslayer au#trafalgar law#monkey d. luffy#lawlu#i have decided to reillistrate this format of godslayer to improve the art quality and keep it closer to the written version#i’m about half way finished writing this fanfic and thought i should commit to illustrating it fully#these panels are like… barely scratching the surface so it’ll probably take me a while#but i do intend on fully illustrating this fic to the best of my ability#i’m planing on posting illustrated chapters that are one-to-one with the chapters of the written version#but knowing me I’ll get impatient and drop random panels as i complete them lol
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I’ve slept on it, it’s a new day, I feel like can say that Sweet Despair is the best lore stream I’ve ever watched
#like what…. it was so unbelievably good I’m still stunned. the perfect emotional culmination of this long & beautifully tragic arc#so fun to watch as it unfolded over time- some of the most fun I’ve had in a fandom community tbh#it’ll take a while for me to recover#the stream literally destroyed me#many many thoughts in my brain#at the end of the day it’s all about love. always about love#im so sentimental ajsjdjfkgkh#qsmp#qsmp badboyhalo
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I’m finally actually out of the character creator. I think. Maybe. I went back and forth for a while but inevitably I went back to my death caller grey warden guy. When I draw him he’ll probably look preeeettty different but that’s okay I’ve made my peace with it. I am so happy to have shivana back though 🥰🥰 I missed her and her permanently unimpressed expression
#my issue with character creation is that i can never make them look like they’ve barely showered in a month#he needs messier hair and more intense scarring but it’ll be okay#da4#also he doesn't have a name that i like so for now he's just grey warden guy#It always takes a while for me to settle on a name#da4 spoilers#veilguard spoilers#OK now i actually get to play this game
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i have a quastion: reading about omegaverse, i've seen the term "drop" used when talking about alphas and omegas, what does it mean for an individual to go through a drop? is it an emotional, physical, or mental state? all three? super curious
my understanding of ‘drop’ as it’s used is:
drop is an altered psychological state induced by scruffing or overwhelming an omega with (usually a compatible alpha’s) pheromones. in this state, an omega experiences a state of deep relaxation and suggestibility similar to hypnosis. in some cases, this state can be induced to soothe an omega experiencing psychological shock, one near ferality, or one in extreme pain.
i’ve added drop to my list of concepts to explore in greater detail on this blog, because it’s very interesting
#however comma#i am disabled tm#and writing the kind of smart brain good grammar stuff i do on this blog takes A Lot out of me lmao#so it’ll probably be a while#next Post tm is going to be scent pt 2#and i simply dont know when ill be able to get to that#ask answered#omegaverse#omegaverse headcanons#a/b/o headcanon#alpha beta omega#a/b/o dynamics#omegaverse headcanon#omegaverse dynamics#a/b/o verse#omegaverse worldbuilding#a/b/o
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Get dangled
Just a little bit of hand practice and slowly teaching myself how to animate. No reason at all. Totally not concocting an evil plan over here :D
Idk I made this a while ago so let me know how I did! (I have zero idea how to animate so bear with me)
#G/t#g/t art#Get dangled#Haha this was so fun#Even if it’s just like two movements#It was fun#Oh man can’t wait to actually learn how to animate#I have a big plan#But it might take me a while#But it’ll be worth it haha#Should I do more of these?#I’m just trying to practice really#love you guys ❤️
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HE’S HERE
#miku featured bc I know in my heart and soul Jin would be a miku fan#ALSO!!!! TAKAYA IS ON THE WAY#then I’ll save for chidori!! although it’ll probably be a while until I can get it lol#I love taking pictures of figures w the stupidest possible angles#I can’t believe I finally have the jin figure. this is a moment in history#yk what this is making me realize that I should push the Jin miku fan agenda more#idk it’s just funny to me#vocaloid fan jin shirato is so real to me#what would his fav miku song be though…let’s all sit around a table and discuss#persona 3#persona 3 reload#p3#persona#jin shirato#miku hatsune#hatsune miku
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I’m feeling quite sad about how much the active bts fandom on tumblr has shrunk and/ or how selective the community has become regarding content interaction. I’ve heard people pointing out a clique-building here lately, and while I’m well aware of closer mutual circles existing – and I can only speak on behalf of my friend group here – these pretty much develop naturally when there’s just no one else who reacts, reblogs from and talks to you anymore except for these handful of people. I don’t like that some people perceive these “cliques” as “exclusive”, for example to content creators only. that’s bullshit; it’s certainly not great to have only other cc’s support your work because they personally know how much time and effort it takes. also, knowing how lovely most of these people are, you’d get immediately followed back and showered with love too as soon as you’d even show a speckle of kindness on a regular basis, regardless of whether you make gifs yourself or not. ccs dedicating sets to each other isn’t a sign of exclusivity, but rather us holding onto and appreciating people who still give us at least some motivation to create and post in the first place anymore, because there’s quite literally no one else left by now.
#this is rather general so I’m putting more personal thoughts in the tags here#I really don’t feel like creating anymore :(#like I genuinely only post for birthdays or gifts cause I see no point in anything else anymore#at least that one person will care you know#I don’t post that much anymore but when I do I put so much love and effort into it#and it never feels good to click that post button anymore#also.#man it fucking stings to realise that people who follow you definitely scrolled past your own post#cause they reblogged sth from you that you posted before your self reblog#it makes me so so anxious and insecure#I’ve been pressuring myself to post so much only to be met with dismissiveness when I do#that doesn’t feel great in the slightest#I said a while ago that I don’t want to take a break and that I want to keep creating#but the disappointment lately was pretty drastic#I’ve been at this point several times before so it’ll probably pass again#but it’ll never not suck to see your days of work and creativity be ignored#it feels once again pointless to try to make original things#should just stick to 10 gifs of the same clip#or shirtless tannie gifs#it’ll get me the exact same recognition if not three to five times more#and takes so much less time
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NO WAY i literally just read liar liar on ao3 and boom you’re on my tumblr feed! i love the story so so much omg and i absolutely ADORE how mc is a total menace! plusss the way u write megumi and the dynamic between him and mc ughhhhh like oh my god???!!! anyways yeah ur amazing mwah
wait i feel like i’ve seen this comment before but now i can’t find it? 😭 idk if i’m going crazy but i swear i was gonna respond, i’m just a little lazy with it 😔✌️ (cringing at the idea that if it wasn’t actually you, this is gonna sound weird to you LMAO)
anyway, it’s like tumblr just KNOWS who my beloved little liars are that my shit is then magically appearing on ur feed (we love to see it 😮💨).
our main character is a little unhinged (a little is probably an understatement). you’ve only seen the beginning really, i’ve still got multiple flashback scenes i need to write out because her shenanigans didn’t just stop there (megumi would know 💀). i’m flattered that you love her character sm! writing it was amazing knowing that people like you would take the time out of ur day to send me a message about how much you adore her <3
this leads me to talk about her dynamic with megumi, you’re gonna make me cryyy, i’m touched that you really like it 🥹 it’s a lot of effort trying to get his character to mesh well with hers, i have to rethink sometimes and ask myself whether he’d really do some of the things i’d made him do, but then i’d backtrack and delete everything, you have no idea 😭 now i just chalk it up to the fact that no, he wouldn’t do any of these things (prank-calling his dad, writing a step-by-step guide for a girl about oral hygiene, fighting over a seat that puts some distance between him and a disgusting-looking child, laughing about literal mommy milkers, etc) at all. but yes, he would do these things if he was around such an influencer like y/n (majority of the time, she forces him to do stuff. he does enjoy it though.)
sorry this ended up being so long, i just get very giddy talking about this story with anyone. i love you anon <3
#you’re so lovely#like i could’ve sworn that someone commented this#somewhere on my page#word-for-word#but if they didn’t#just ignore me i probably sound like a literal psycho#ilysm#you are the sweetest#my precious little liar#my honeybun sugar plum#you’re my sweetie pie#pookie#promise the next chapter is being written#it’ll take a while to come out because of my exams#sorryyyy#megumi x reader#fushiguro megumi x reader#megumi fushiguro x reader#megumi x you#megumi x y/n#fushiguro megumi x you#fushiguro x reader#megumi imagine#jjk x reader
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LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.
and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠
I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.
I’m just. I give up.
this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭
#i hate that CT weed is so fucking expensive#half a fucking ounce shouldn’t cost me $250 …….. not when I can go to MA and get an ounce for $108 after tax ……..#but I don’t have a way to MA because my fucking best friend. who made plans with me OVER THE WEEKEND. HER. SHE INITIATED THEM.#canceled on me last second even though I texted her early the night before when I know she would see it 🫠#nope instead she waited from the text I sent at 6:30pm until noon the next day to cancel because her period is kicking her ass#NOT FOR FUCKING NOTHING BUT SO THE HELL IS MINE ???? AND IM ANEMIC ??? AND DEALING WITH ALL THIS EXTRA PAIN ON TOP OF IT ????#and I know I’m being irrational and insensitive because pain tolerance is a sliding scale for everyone#but like fucking come on you do this 3 out of 4 times YOU make the plans to hang out and I’m fucking over it.#plus I’m the one that always pays for everything and does she ever even OFFER to hit me back for the COUNTLESS ounces of weed I’ve got her#all because she couldn’t afford it so I said I’d cover it and she never paid me back. I’ve bought her at least a grand’s worth of weed#just over the last couple months and she’s never ONCE offered to pay me back for a single one#like ……… I don’t expect it. I give if I have it. but you can’t even just offer ??? like the invitation to pay me back would be enough to no#leave m ragingly pissed off and feeling used as an atm again for yet another ‘friend’ because they don’t even OFFER to be considerate#of course I’d say not to worry about it but it doesn’t even cross your fucking head to ask if I want anything towards it#like the next time you get paid ??? when you go and spend your own money on weed that day but can’t reimburse me for anything IVE paid for#oh and I always have to give her gas money if I even simply just want to hang out because she’s always fucking broke somehow#and she works in healthcare like bitch I know what you make and you can’t play that you don’t have enough to get by or throw me 50 bucks#towards YOUR weed that I’m buying every once in a fucking while when I’m already paying for everything fucking else#I’m so angry and I know I’m being irrational and bitchy but this is what happens when you’re tripped off your meds cold turkey#and one of them is a mood stabilizer that makes it so you DONT feel this way about people and aren’t so bitter when you’re let down 🫠🫠🫠#because now my rejection sensitive dysphoria is going to be triggered even easier than usual and I’m just.#I actually fucking give up. I don’t even know what to do here. the pain going through my body is so fucking intense#I keep losing my train of thought because everything hurts and then every once in a while a DIFFERENT pain acts up and throws itself in too#I just. I just can’t fucking win.#I hate fucking struggling with my mental state like this when I’m off my meds.#and because I have to be a month without my stabilizer/pain management/birth control it’s going to take me ANOTHER month to get readjusted#to those in my body so I won’t feel normal again until nearly fucking mid to end January the earliest#and that’s fucking bullshit. I’m going to fucking **** myself by the time I get back on these fucking meds since it’ll take that long#fucking hell I just. I give up. I give in. I’m self isolating and cutting myself off from everyone because it’ll be in THEIR best interest#for me to do so when I can’t control my mind like this. I’m so tired of feeling so fucking shitty and I’ve only been off them for two days
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#kathryn hahn#agatha all along#it’s been so long though it’s going to take me a while#a lot of time and effort and I am on holiday right now#hmmm we will see#or just ignore for no I’ll know don’t worry I can feel these kinds of things#literally no one asked or cares but it’ll help me decide I guess?#rambles
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If anyone remembers all the dental work I needed done uhhhhhhh three years ago and never went back and ran away forever…I’m finally going back to a dentist on Thursday to restart the process and face my deep and utter abiding terror. And I also scheduled my COVID and flu vaccines for a couple hours later. And my psych appointment to restart meds.
I figured get it all done in one day, have my miserable immune reaction on Friday that I seem to always get with Moderna COVID shots, and then flee directly into the weekend and never be a person again except when I’m on and off crying. It’s going to be so kind to future me to get these things done and I can do it no matter how much I feel like I am constantly about to Actually Physically Die.
#you can see why I’m restarting meds#my brain is constantly convincing me that my teeth are about to actually finish rotting out of my mouth and I probably have an abscess#already that is going to give me a jaw or heart infection#which is VERY unlikely#and that my dog is deeply sick and I should rehome her and give her to someone who’ll take proper care of her and isn’t me#yadda yadda#it’s been fucking miserable#the only good part is 1) I’m going to get the worst part over with (starting the process) and#2) even if I completely flee and refuse to go back I’ll have one dental cleaning at least helping with plaque buildup and stuff#this is so fucking EMBARRASSING it’s all so EMBARASSING#it shouldn’t be this hard for me and I know it’s irrational#I’m just so scared because it’s so triggering for me for NO REASON and#I KNOW that this time when we get to the multiple fillings and at least one root canal and also my impacted wisdom teeth that it’ll be#different and I won’t go un-numb or if I do again they’ll have better checks in place for when I panic lie to their faces#but it doesn’t help#and I’m so sure they’re gonna tell me I need three or more root canals because I’ve waited way way too long#and I STILL can’t consistently keep up with brushing and flossing#which is the most embarassing and shameful thing in the world and I KNOW#but I’m scared shitless of all of it and it’s all a sensory nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway I’m not going to be okay later this week and I’m not particularly okay now#so if I’m not around online much#that’s why#but I’m happy news Aoife and I are having some lovely walks this week and she’s very cute and snuggly and we played tug a lot of times yest#*yesterday and she also stayed sniffing a bush while a bike went past two feet away#instead of getting startled and needing to hop or bark at it and then calm down#I’m so proud of her#and I wouldn’t be able to do this at all without my very kind partner who spearheaded scheduling the dentist (and researching places)#after my jaw pain nervous breakdown last week#health#personal
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omg yesterday made me so tired but HOPEFULLY today i can write more for the fic & also begin rereading the jjk manga from the beginning :3
#i think . the two fics i want to focus on most are the cult leader geto one AND the gojo one… sniffles#IT’S JUST IDK WHAT SEASON I WANNA DO THE GOJO ONE FOR FNFNFNFNNFFN#kinda wanna do winter………. 🙂↕️ kinda wanna do autumn……….. decisions decisions#but above all i love the spring layout i have for that fic so 😭 maybe winter might be the move i feel like i could use those colors#for winter too idk#BUT ANYWAYS RAHHHHHHHHHH will also begin making my meta post but i’m taking it so serious#like TRUST i’ll be taking notes while reading the tcb scans 🙏🏼#the meta post will be for me and me alone i just gotta get my thoughts out there#it won’t all be gripes! it’ll be stuff i loved abt the manga but . i will touch on gripes/theories that would’ve worked so well also#(and mischaracterization……… my most Beloathed)#personal
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I decided to try designing a Metadede child and a Taransusie child, this is Meta Knight and Dedede’s daughter Cintia and Taranza and Susie’s daughter Clover. Before anyone asks how they exist, my lore for them is that both of them are clones, but instead of being cloned from one person they’re cloned from a combination of two people. I have more backstory about them and explanations for their names under the cut.
I wanted to give Cintia a moon-themed name (because of the moon theme in the final battle against Meta Knight and Dedede in Kirby Fighters 2), and I also wanted her to have a Spanish name because of Meta Knight’s accent in the anime. However, I didn’t want to call her Luna since she’s a princess and I didn’t want anyone to confuse her with the My Little Pony character Princess Luna. Cintia is the Spanish version of Cynthia, which means moon/is related to the moon goddess Artemis, so I called her that instead of Luna. The little gold and black design on her crown is supposed to be a crescent moon to further convey the moon theme. I feel like Meta Knight would call her by her full name most of the time but he might call her “mija” (“my daughter” in Spanish) or “pingüinita” (“little penguin” in Spanish) as a little affectionate nickname lmao, Dedede and most of the other characters would just call her Cindee.
For Clover, I wanted to give her a floral/plant themed name since she’s the princess of Floralia (in my AU of things Taranza becomes the king of Floralia after the events of Triple Deluxe, so that makes Clover a princess). Four leaf clovers are also symbols of good luck, and each leaf of a four leaf clover represents luck, faith, hope, and love, so I thought that it would be a nice meaningful name for her. Her full name is Clover Maxine Haltmann, she has Susie’s last name since Taranza doesn’t have one and her middle name is Maxine in honor of her grandfather Max.
Clover is the first one to be cloned, when Taranza and Susie are engaged and are preparing for their wedding. They go visit another planet to establish diplomatic relations between Floralia and the aliens on that planet, and after they mention that they’re getting married soon the aliens ask them if they’re planning to have kids. Taranza and Susie explain that they can’t have kids the usual way since they’re different species and that wouldn’t work, but the aliens are experts at cloning and have technology that allows them to clone children for couples who are different species. The aliens clone Clover as a wedding gift for Taranza and Susie, not realizing that the two of them saying that they couldn’t have kids didn’t necessarily mean that they wanted to have kids lmao… it all works out though, Taranza and Susie didn’t expect to get Clover but they’re still happy to have her and they return to Popstar with her. After seeing Clover, Dedede and Meta Knight decide that they want to have a kid, so they go visit the aliens and ask them to clone one for them, and that’s where Cindee comes from. I drew Cindee and Clover as little kids here so I could give them some outfits and convey their personalities a bit, but I’ll have to draw them again as babies.
#Kirby#Kirby fanart#my art#my OCs#Metadede#Taransusie#I hope that they look more cute than cursed lmao I tried my best to make them not look cursed#I thought that I’d give Meta and Dedede a daughter since all the Metadede fan kids I’ve seen have been sons#and I’ve never seen anyone make a Taransusie kid so I thought I’d give it a try#I tried to make both of them look like even mixes of their parents but I think that was easier to do with Clover than with Cindee#I think Cindee looks too much like Dedede lmao she’s basically just a Dedede recolor with bat wings#I’ll have to draw more of them in the future but I really need to stop getting distracted from drawing Knightfall in Dream Land lmao#sorry it’s taking me a while to finish the next page I’m working on it and it’ll be worth the wait
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