#so it’ll be worth the money
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Well. It’s Sunday so I’m visiting.
Without social media… I’ve done a deep dive of my finances. I’m not happy where I currently stand.
I want a new car. My family keeps telling me I need to get a new car. My car is a 10 year old Kia that I’ve run hard. But I’m trying to eliminate my debt from when I was unemployed.
So I’ve been spending the past three days drawing up charts and making plans and goals.
Good news! I’ve got a realistic plan that’ll let me move at a good pace to knock down my debt and improve my credit score (it’s good, but to get the car I want, I need better) without completely depriving myself of enjoying life.
Bad news! It’s completely useless and will need to be completely redone when student loans come back. Also, my law school debt is ridiculous.
I’m trying not to feel so overwhelmed. But, I think I’m heading the right way. It helps that with mine and my siblings efforts to diversify the farm certain food expenses are going to go down over spring-autumn.
#fury's life#money stuff#the car I want will last me longer than my current car#so it’ll be worth the money#I just need to make sure I can handle a car payment#especially#once student loans start up again
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LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.
and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠
I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.
I’m just. I give up.
this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭
#i hate that CT weed is so fucking expensive#half a fucking ounce shouldn’t cost me $250 …….. not when I can go to MA and get an ounce for $108 after tax ……..#but I don’t have a way to MA because my fucking best friend. who made plans with me OVER THE WEEKEND. HER. SHE INITIATED THEM.#canceled on me last second even though I texted her early the night before when I know she would see it 🫠#nope instead she waited from the text I sent at 6:30pm until noon the next day to cancel because her period is kicking her ass#NOT FOR FUCKING NOTHING BUT SO THE HELL IS MINE ???? AND IM ANEMIC ??? AND DEALING WITH ALL THIS EXTRA PAIN ON TOP OF IT ????#and I know I’m being irrational and insensitive because pain tolerance is a sliding scale for everyone#but like fucking come on you do this 3 out of 4 times YOU make the plans to hang out and I’m fucking over it.#plus I’m the one that always pays for everything and does she ever even OFFER to hit me back for the COUNTLESS ounces of weed I’ve got her#all because she couldn’t afford it so I said I’d cover it and she never paid me back. I’ve bought her at least a grand’s worth of weed#just over the last couple months and she’s never ONCE offered to pay me back for a single one#like ……… I don’t expect it. I give if I have it. but you can’t even just offer ??? like the invitation to pay me back would be enough to no#leave m ragingly pissed off and feeling used as an atm again for yet another ‘friend’ because they don’t even OFFER to be considerate#of course I’d say not to worry about it but it doesn’t even cross your fucking head to ask if I want anything towards it#like the next time you get paid ??? when you go and spend your own money on weed that day but can’t reimburse me for anything IVE paid for#oh and I always have to give her gas money if I even simply just want to hang out because she’s always fucking broke somehow#and she works in healthcare like bitch I know what you make and you can’t play that you don’t have enough to get by or throw me 50 bucks#towards YOUR weed that I’m buying every once in a fucking while when I’m already paying for everything fucking else#I’m so angry and I know I’m being irrational and bitchy but this is what happens when you’re tripped off your meds cold turkey#and one of them is a mood stabilizer that makes it so you DONT feel this way about people and aren’t so bitter when you’re let down 🫠🫠🫠#because now my rejection sensitive dysphoria is going to be triggered even easier than usual and I’m just.#I actually fucking give up. I don’t even know what to do here. the pain going through my body is so fucking intense#I keep losing my train of thought because everything hurts and then every once in a while a DIFFERENT pain acts up and throws itself in too#I just. I just can’t fucking win.#I hate fucking struggling with my mental state like this when I’m off my meds.#and because I have to be a month without my stabilizer/pain management/birth control it’s going to take me ANOTHER month to get readjusted#to those in my body so I won’t feel normal again until nearly fucking mid to end January the earliest#and that’s fucking bullshit. I’m going to fucking **** myself by the time I get back on these fucking meds since it’ll take that long#fucking hell I just. I give up. I give in. I’m self isolating and cutting myself off from everyone because it’ll be in THEIR best interest#for me to do so when I can’t control my mind like this. I’m so tired of feeling so fucking shitty and I’ve only been off them for two days
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Applying for 50 jobs within 12 months and not getting a single offer is almost an accomplishment woah I’m so talented x
#it’s killing me j wasted the last 3 months of my life working full time unpaid (internship)#and I was like. j need to suck up this bc it’ll get me a job#and I’ve applied to 25 jobs since starting this internship and I have not succeeded in getting a job#I just want to kms I’m ngl#my current org has offered me a full time job buy for a salary that’s literally minimum wage#so. that’s pretty fucking crap#I applied to 25 jobs in the last month while working full time . like I am so exhausted#I had an interview yesterday morning literally the morning of my grandmas funeral and just got emailed now that I haven’t gotten the job#yknow? I’m just heartbroken at this point#and I still have 1 week left working this internship and there’s literally no point#I was literally a middle level manager in this current job for no pay even worker across a weekend once#and it’s literally for nothing 🤣🤣🤣#I have a masters degree !! and 4 months of full time work experience and another several years worth of working part time#it’s not like I’m one of those grads who’s never worked a day in their life#and like i know no one can get a job these days. like barely any of my friends have anything#but money is beginning to become a little terrifying. so shelving the corporate applications and time to go back to being a barista again#not that I’m even guaranteed getting a job in that.#just spent a week living with a friend in Boston who IS employed straight out of undergrad for a rly cool nonprofit#literallt living my dream yknow what that rly challenged my ability to just be happy for my friends#I just don’t know how I keep on going like this tbh
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home from work
#if I speak…#one of the girls walked out yesterday#the best worker we have is on the verge of blowing up on this bitch’s leaders bc since he can do everything quick and efficiently already#they’re putting 3 to 4 ppl’s workloads on him to see how far they can extend his worth and then they’re over his shoulder the whole time#micromanaging him so today he almost lost it and was literally walking around mumbling about his disrespectful they all are (facts)#and how if they don’t think he’s doing it right then they can do it and I know for a fact one of the ladies heard him#bc he wasn’t even trying to hide it at this point and like this dude is cool he has a lot of patience and helps out any way he can#so if HE’S on the brink of snapping then the rest of us don’t stand a chance LMFAO#anyways today was a fucking mess those leaders know nothing about our store yet so they have us making less than what we need until we need#it so we get behind constantly and they made prep a disaster bc again they think they can just prep a bunch of stuff in the morning#and it’ll last the whole day and yes that works in theory but the reality of the situation is every day is different and today#we sold double what we did yesterday so they had to move me to prep to fix their mistakes bc we were running out of stuff 4 hours in lmfao#and I’m the only one left who knows how to do everything on prep bc the other girls had never done it before#we’re supposed to prep 20 mac n cheese trays in the morning for the whole day#we open lunch at 10:30 tell me why I go into the cooler at 12 put more in the oven and there’s only 5 left#it’s been less than 2 HOURS and you’re already running out of macs which means those idiots prepped barely anything just to try and save mo#*money to cut down waste but that gag if you’re losing money bc now you’re short on everything and customers are leaving bc they’re having#to wait a long time for their food#and macs take 40 minutes to cool LMFAO#I get over there they’re out of parfaits they’re out of fruit cups they’re out of kale salads the front is coming in and having to take#stuff as I make it bc they keep getting orders and it’s all just a fucking mess#I have to make a custom wrap and what happens?? those morons didn’t pull the flatbreads out of the freezer like they’re supposed to every#night so now we have no flatbread and I had to run back there and put them in the warming drawer to defrost and we lost an order bc I had#nothing to make the wraps with <3#I go back there to get more cold chicken SPOILER ALERT they didn’t have anyone make any this morning so now there’s no chicken for the wrap#and salad and it has to be grilled and then chilled for 2 FUCKING HOURS before it can be used#they’re a fucking disaster like 😭#was the store perfect before?? ofc not but it ran quickly and efficiently as it should and now it’s literally just a mess#this bitch hasn’t even owned it for a full week yet and has already fucked it all up#womp womp!!!!!!
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Seriously weighing my options on backing the cosmere rpg kickstarter because like… I want the lore book so bad and I love numbers and stats……. But it’s a billion dollars and like…. cw fuckbrains mention I don’t even know if I’ll be able to make it to the middle of 2025. Stormlight lore book objectively VERY cool but not the Stay Alive, It’s Almost Here! factor that wind and truth is
#luke.txt#drunkposting#suicide mention#I think giving myself things to look forward to is an investment worth a hundred bucks or two#but I’ll feel so guilty about it cuz it’ll be parent money because I’m between jobs
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So New York City in February is officially booked
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Whatta long night and day todays been ooof
#finally saw my northern lights it’s always been a dream#but my car decided to want to end its life#it’s fine but but goddamn#so glad we were close by the house#I'm glad I sit on my money so well and as much as I like to spend money I like saving more#all about the libra balance babe#but gonna buy a new car soon#it’s time#even though we’re trauma bonded#definitely gonna get our moneys worth in repairs first#time to drive across country#bronco or jeep or subaru#it’ll be a bit but gonna start looking soon#saving for other things too#yesterday was such a good day tho got my beach walks and then northern lights#always find the good#can’t wait to go home and be lazy lazy tho
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idk if this is specific to dragonborns or green dragonborns or even just this bodytype but
nyophe you don’t even have tits you’re a dragon. this is purely for the fucking snake necklace you dramatic bitch. i’m in love with u
(extra screenshot for fun)
#pov your party healer/de facto leader by virtue of being the only calm understanding person around is also barely concealing a melodramatic#and nosy gay personality. they tried to read gale’s thoughts and rolled a 5 which was really fucking funny. 17 wisdom but so nosy the wisdom#left their body#bg3#baldur's gate 3#nyophekeun#before anybody says it: YES my screenshots suck ass i’m SORRY my graphics card technically doesn’t meet the requirements for the game so it#looks kinda bad#which honestly i’m fine with bc when i get my new desktop means i’ll really get my money’s worth. immediately the hair will render right and#nyophe won’t be weirdly blurry a lot it’ll be awesome
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#my biggest red flag is acting on impulse before thinking about anything#so now I have tickets to see Niall in Amsterdam#no idea how to get there#and probably just enough money to book a bed in 14 people hostel room lmao#my mum is probably going to kill me but I’m sure it’ll be worth it
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#I had a negative Covid test this morning but I’m getting a lot worse :/#I think it might be bronchitis#my chest is so sore from all the coughing and I feel like I can’t breathe#it’s hard to tell when it started cause I cough a lot normally from the long covid#but my chest normally doesn’t feel this painful and tight#debating if the walk in is worth it or if it’ll be a waste of money#it seems like half the time they don’t want to treat you unless you’ve been sick for at least two weeks#I dont want to have to pay the copay twice if they just tell me to come back if im not better in a few days
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Me vs confusing gender thoughts vs mental illness
#my brain has been very loud recently.#been thinking about going on t. that was the whole reason I wanted to get a job but I was so scared to take that step that I didn’t talk to#the ppl I had to talk to and now I’m fired and broke again#so I didn’t go talk to the specialist lady my doctor recommended and now I’m broke again and I just want to go on hormones#I think I’d like myself more if I could be successful but I am not made for working#like in a sad way I think I was made to be a thirty year old in their mothers basement like I’m afraid I’m doomed to that even tho I know im#not I also just don’t like fully believe that I’m not destined to that even tho I’m the one that would have to change my actions. anyways.#I wish I was on testosterone and I lived further up north and I had an apartment or my car converted fully to a living space I wish I had#a wide array of friends who would let me spend a night and hang out and laugh and do stupid shit and I wish I could just travel and make art#and just try my best not to die before I turn 30#but money. and getting money. and working long enough and being educated enough to have a job that pays enough to make going to work worth#it because living is expensive even bare minimum and I feel like it’ll be hard forever and I’ll be stuck behind everyone else forever#but in my head I’m 21 living in my car traveling all over properly medicated (depression meds. testosterone. and weed.)
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I'm sorry you lost your spot. Maybe that info the nice cop (i guess there have to be some out there) gave you can be the first step to a wonderful journey of joy and positivity. I'm rooting for you, Princess.
🤗
#I mean to be honest I’ve been desperately wanting to change my routine#especially at nights#it’s fun for a little bit but driving home at 4:30/5 when I’m tired isn’t ideal#also falling asleep in my car isn’t really ideal either#so I’ve been wanting to get an erig#but I’m waiting for my fucking tax return to go through so I have some money so I can get it#cause once I have an erig then I’ll be able to smoke in my room and that’ll be a GAME changer#but yeah you’re right#just gotta push myself to actually look into these places and if somewhere sounds interesting I have to…. call them#which is daunting#but hopefully it’ll be super worth it in the long run#I just want to be happy and healthy#thank you so much for your sweet words 💖💖💖#I need all the encouragement and positivity I can get right now#you’re a sweetheart#thank you 💖#ask
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should i rent xanadu for $4 cause i’ve never seen it and i’m high so it’ll be easy to follow or should i try and continue neon genesis evangelion sub
#i’m leaning more towards xanadu cause it looks so fun but i’m not sure if it’ll be worth the money#i’m so spoiled i’m like ???? i have to PAY to watch a movie ????#talk
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#this isn’t the place to complain about this#but on tiktok there’s this ‘de influencing’ trend#and it’s partly people just talking about why you should resist being influenced so easily#and partly people going into detail about trendy products they don’t think are good or worth the money#and that’s fine#but there’s also a group of people who say ‘i love deinfluencing so here are products I DO think are worth your money’#and like#just because you’re contrasting them with more trendy products; it doesn’t mean you’re not trying to influence people to buy something#like deinfluencing has absolutely no space for promoting products#like the whole point just went straight over these people’s heads#just make that post and don’t use the word deinfluencing because that’s not what you’re doing#but deinfluencing itself has become a trend#so of course like every other trend; there will be people who do it wrong or miss the point#and eventually it’ll get remembered by what it becomes#instead of what it was about in the first place#that’s something I really hate about the internet#how fast jokes and trends and sounds get old or misused and how permanent the misuse damages people’s memories of said thing#anywho#it’s just been bugging me
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Every day I grow closer to throwing my phone into the river and when I do I won’t fucking regret it
#i have been. dodging scams all morning#i don’t have any fucking money please just leave me alone#my friendships have been rotten to the fucking core#my mind poisoned#what the fuck is the point in having a smartphone when a fliphone still lets people contact me but doesn’t fucking make my life worse#not that I could afford a flip phone anyway. or service. why would someone want to scam me specifically when I posted my account overdrafted#you can SEE I don’t have money why do you BOTHER#SCAM SOMEONE RICH YOU FUCKIN MORON#alas that the desperate make for such easy targets for the heartless#it’s been so hard to keep going and every day for two months something has happened to convince me it isnt fuckin worth it like its ONLY bad#but god or fate keeps dangling juuuust enough hope in front of me that I keep going. it’s been like that for eight years#and I’ve fallen apart in that time completely. my hair is gone and my teeth will be gone soon too#my bones and joints will follow suit they’re already deformed and weak#the ringing in my ears only gets louder. i haven’t known the familiar peace of silence in years and it’ll only ever get further#and I’ll never afford the medical or psychological care to actually help those things#why bother??? I’ll keep bothering out of spite and stupid foolish hope but I still don’t fucking know why I bother when it never gets better#and it might not! hope is called hope for a reason sometimes shit just doesn’t work out#i could suffer on for abother year or five just to have it all fall apart even more. no payout#hell does exist on earth for some people. if I die and there wasn’t ever joy enough to outweigh everything then my hell was real all along#and I will have been fuckall stupid enough to suffer it for years instead of dying in high school like I planned. or college. or after.#so many times life pushed me to the edge and I crawled back just for things to get worse. every time#and still I hold onto my hope like it’s all that ever mattered. and if life turns out that way maybe it’ll be all that ever did#false hopes and a terribly misplaced heart#fate willing we all find peace
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I really can’t see anyone paying the 100€ that sporting want for him so it’ll be interesting to see what happens with him in summer
at first I’m like…me too..that price is ridiculous but then remembering the state of the current market and how greedy, thoughtless, and careless a lot of these clubs are…(esp those who can spend that much without thinking about it)… someone’s bound to scoop him up lmao
#answered#whether it’ll be for that much…who knows but it’s a goofy ass price#but there’s been so many goofy ass transfers & clubs spending a ridiculous amount for a player that isn’t worth it (ahem)#but yeah it’ll be interesting…hopefully they get their moneys worth bc this hype is ridiculous who knows how he’ll be in a diff environment
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