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#so it was easier to just move to Canada
toucandrawz · 1 month
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I totally forgot I drew these while I was trying to figure out Nik and Price‘s poses for a retirement AU drawing (this time with my sona!! Who’s their son in it!! And the whole reason it’s set in Canada,,,) but the internet needs to see it, but only tumblr I’m too lazy to go everywhere else
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Daily Log
Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.
Activities: Badly carved an eye into an avocado pit with a nail cuticle tool thing. trying to think of better designs to carve into avocado pits. I don't really have the right tools, maybe should order some carving tools. I hate buying things online eeeeee..
Worked on translating a poem into Avirrekava (my constructed language for one of my fantasy species) so I can paint it onto a tapestry sort of thing I'm making, kind of in the style of medieval illuminated manuscripts? I do not have paintbrushes small enough.
Spent a lot of time thinking more about the story with an investigator tracking a doctor who's doing strange experiments and they eventually become friends(ish) after trying to kill each other a few times, lol (set in my fantasy world though, so magic is involved, etc. It's just interesting to think about testing the limitations of magic and what type of experimentation people would do, especially if you own a hospital or morgue or other scenario where you have access to bodies, or good cover for hiding them, etc. Plus worldbuilding religions in the world, what their ideas of morality would be, what an "investigator" or police force would even look like in that setting, etc. Two jhevona main characters in a city full of elves and the in-world politics of that, class war and royals, pretentious scholar communities and how they'd operate, actual magic combat between two advanced magic users and what that would look like (mixing illusions or higher level spells with minor brute force tactics, evasion, enchantments, shapeshifting, etc.) etc. etc. ).
Organized some of my plants, but still need to replant some fully. Succulents grow SO fast, I think I'll run out of room. Also one has burnt to a crisp during the heat wave last week.. my son.. ToT.
Edited a few costume photos then gave up because my camera is evil and I always have that thing where it looks really cool in the mirror but then the final photos suck, which demotivates me to even do anything with them/feels like a waste.
Still chronic health issue sick stinky as usual, plus it's still warm inside from the heat a few days ago so being hot makes joint pain worse... evil.. no energy. fell asleep on the floor for like 30 minutes.
Tried a new oreo flavor and ranked it on my comprehensive oreo ranking list. Mediocre as usual, but I'm too far in to give up now gghj.. I have to just try them all. A fool's labor.
Notable sights: found one 6 leaf clover, two 5 leaf clovers, and eleven 4 leaf clovers. Saw a rabbit, 3 cats in windows, and 4 ducks. Also at some point I was squishing gum in my hand and pulling it apart and when stretched out it would make these really cool spindly spider web patterns. The sky later in the day was hazy pink, purple, and blue pastel sunset.
Goals moving forward: Wake up on time even if I feel sick when I wake up!!! Focus on more immediate projects, don't get distracted. Actually make room for investing in social time and replying to people even with minimal energy reserves. Stay consistent with physical therapy exercises. Plant nasturtiums. Finish and upload videos, email doctors, edit pictures, post the poll adventure thing that has been sitting in a draft for weeks.
Notable foods: None today, but I have asparagus for later which is exciting... my new favorite vegetable whilst on the stinky Nutritionist Prescribed Special Limited Diet
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#I don't know the point of posting this publicly#maybe just makes it feel more like I'm doing somehting or easier to hold myself accountable making a public declarations#of my goals and progress or etc. lol#Weird blog content I think but then also this IS like.. my personal blog so#. technically I can do whatever. It's just an atypical format of personal post ghgj#ALSO the finding so many clovers thing is cool because just last week I also found one 6 leaf clover and a few 5 leaves and a#ton of 4 leaves. I hadn't found a 6 leaf clover in a few years until literally the past few weeks Iv'e found two of them#The most I've ever gotten is a 7 leaf. Maybe just one?? possibly two but I think just one of them.#so I guess the ultimate goal would be 8 leaf. if that's even plausible.#I don't know what to do with them all though. I put them usually in the book with the rest of my pressed flowers and then#move them into a container once they're dried out. I could make more flower arrangement type things (like gluing dried flowers#to a page in a pattern) out of them like I have a few times. Or use them with the wax seal stamps or something#but I have so many.. IF i OWNED AN ACTUal house or somehting it'd be cool to do like.. a Wall#a clover wall where I just post them up everytime I've collected some. and see if I can fill the whole wall over time#One day ... if I can ever be successful at the Game Of Resources And Capitalism enough to have a modest little#home in like.. Scotland or canada or something... I can finally paint walls and do interesting things#REALLY have always wanted to have a cloud mural on the cieling of a room or etc.#aNYWAY....#any other Clover Hunters out there.. tell me what you've found. the mythical 8 leaf?? or anything idk.#avocado pit carving tips. tell me what you thought about the Black Out Cake oreo flavor. etc. etc. hgjhghjb#daily log
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i swear when I graduate college and get situated im moving out of the country
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alchemiclee · 1 year
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what if I made an application for people to fill out to become my potential partner that helps me move to canada fbdndnej i dont get how people just meet someone and they start dating. I feel like I need a whole application and review and interview process to try to choose the best candidate ?????? 😅
#i feel like this is probably the most aroace thing ive come up with#but when i only judge people as potential partners by their aura/energy and how it interacts with mine.....#baaically how i feel around someone. if im comfortable and we match well. that makes it hard to know what i want in a partner?#if that makes sense. making an application form and thinking about actual characteristics could help#then the interview judges their energies#getting into canada seems impossible for me because im useless and they dont want me but if i had a partner there#its super easy. no braincells need to die. but it would also be nice to have a life partner too that actually matches me you know#the two friends i live with are partners and im their 3rd wheel but they really want me to live with them#and i cam help their financial situation with working so we can have our own place but another income would also help#why is this so hard. why am i useless with no degree or skills to get a skilled job work visas require#why am i unlovable and undateable and cant just easily scoop up a partner to make it easier#my one friend is on disability so she cant marry her gf so they keep saying i just marry her and get in that way#i am a bad liar and would ruin it but also feel bad because they do want to marry and id ruin the chance if it actually came?#like if laws chnaged and my friend can be on disability and also marry or we got good enough jobs to support her without it?#ugh i hate this. i just want to escape my shitty family and living situation. help their living situation. and LIVE WITH NY FOUND FAMILY#the type found family ive wanted in my for.....my whole life. the thing thats been my life goal since i was a lonely depressed child#byt of course they have to be in canada and im in the US and they dont make it easy to move there at all#lee rant#lee rambles#lee text
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pumpkingeorge · 1 year
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I’ve tried and failed to learn how to speak a new language. I’ve tried several times and they’ve all ended in embarrassment. I’ve tried French, Italian, Russian, Japanese, and Spanish.
Spanish was my most recent failure and I quit out of shame after I loudly, and proudly, declared that I was an apple.
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flemingsfreckles · 2 months
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Koala
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Synopsis: you surprise your girlfriend at her game after not seeing each other for almost 3 months
Warnings: none this is soft and fluffy
WC: 1.2k
A/N: okay this is inspired off the fact that this woman loves jumping into her teammates arms as celebration, so I wanted to write a little blurb about it.
It wasn’t easy sneaking around Jessie. The girl was too smart, she knew you too well. You also hated lying to her, but sometimes you had to. It was less lying, and more withholding information about your plans and your whereabouts.
She didn’t know you were in Montréal, she didn’t even know you were in Canada. But you were, you had managed to take the flight from London to New York, scheduling it for when you knew your girlfriend would be asleep and unsuspecting of your lack of cell service. You had then sent her a casual good morning text, she suspected nothing.
You hadn’t seen Jessie in ten weeks. You had visited her in Portland shortly after her move but only stayed for a few days before you had to return to London for work. Leaving her was the hardest thing you’d ever done. Walking through the airport doors and looking back to see her bawling in the front seat of her car was the most gut wrenching sight. You had almost quit your job at that moment.
But you couldn’t quit your job, that wasn’t realistic. You know you would move in with Jessie eventually, the two of you had already lived together shortly in London, but with her career, the potential of her moving in the future, you weren’t sure where the two of you would end up so you stayed in London at your stable job for now. Except you weren’t in London anymore, you had taken a week off from work to come watch Jessie play two friendlies before getting to spend the rest of the week with her at her childhood home. Jessie didn’t know that of course, she knew she was playing two games and then getting to have a break at home.
It was easier to avoid Jessie on a game day. It was typical that you wouldn’t hear from Jessie until after the game with the exception of maybe a good morning text, she was busy, captains meetings, team meetings, warm ups, practice, pregame, team meals, it took up a lot of her time, and you knew that. It just so happened that while you usually miss her more on game days, having less communication, it was the perfect excuse to avoid texting her.
When you left your hotel that morning you had thrown on your Canada jersey, an old one of Jessie’s, a pair of jeans, a hat, and sunglasses. You planned to stay hidden, undercover, until the game was over, you didn’t want to distract Jessie with the surprise, so it seemed like the best option.
Ashley was the only person at the game who knew you were there. The two of you had met through Jessie and had become quick friends, you had simply sent her a photo of your boarding pass with the text ‘Don’t tell Jess.”. She promised she wouldn’t and expressed her excitement for you.
You started to feel nerves as you made your way to your seat, a bubble of excitement in your stomach. You didn’t know how you were going to be able to sit through 90 minutes with your girlfriend just feet away from you, but you figured it out. You watched the game, mainly your eyes following Jessie around the field, paying less attention to any of the other players. It was weird not seeing her in weeks and then being so close to her without her even knowing.
The game ended Canada up 1-0, you watched as your girlfriend made her way toward Janine and the two of them started to make their lap around, thanking the fans. That’s when Ashley took the chance to come over to you, waving you down and helping you over the railing onto the field.
She gives you a quick hug before putting you behind her. “Just follow me.” She says before walking off in the direction you assumed your girlfriend was. You removed your sunglasses and the hat you put on, not needing a disguise anymore. You followed Ashley as she brought you to the middle of the pitch.
“Stay there.” She said before taking a few steps away from you. She pointed in the direction of Jessie who was gathering her things from the bench. “Jessie!” She shouted.
You watched as your girlfriend picked up her head quickly turning to face where her name had been shouted. She threw her hands up questioning what Ashley wanted, clearly not paying attention to you standing next to her. It made you laugh, your girlfriend was usually so observant, but leave it to her to not notice you standing there. Helping the poor girl, Ashley turned, her arms stuck out in your direction as if she was presenting you to Jessie.
You watched Jessie’s jaw drops, along with everything in her hands, her phone, water bottle, shoes, coat all thrown to the ground. Janine turns at the sudden crash of all her belongings, looking and seeing you. Suddenly Jessie was sprinting at you, full speed, her arms out in your direction. As she got closer you could see the giant grin on her face and suddenly she was lunging at you, jumping and clinging to you. You stumbled back a few steps before regaining your balance. Jessie grabbed you tightly, her legs wrapping around your midsection as her arms looped around your neck, she held herself up for a moment before your arms wrapped around supporting her back and butt.
The two of you just stayed there for a moment, taking in the feeling of being back in each other's arms, her tight hold on you and the way you squeezed her impossibly closer into your chest. She had her face tucked into your neck, your chin rested on her shoulder.
“You’ve got yourself a koala.” Vanessa says from behind you, referring to how Jessie is clinging to you. “Good to see you by the way.” She says before patting your back and walking away.
“Oh my god.” You heard Jessie murmur into your neck. She had been silent since jumping onto you. “What are you doing here?”
“I was just in town, figured I’d say hi.” You jokingly say back to her. She releases the hold her legs have around your waist and puts them back on the ground, leaving her arms around your neck, pulling you slightly over as she stands looking up at you.
“You’re here.” She’s got tears in her eyes as she blinks up at you.
“I’m here.” You nod, knowing your eyes looked similar to hers, overwhelmed with the emotions that were rushing through your body. Feeling Jessie’s body under your hands, hearing her voice, the smell of her sweaty kit, it all held so much meaning behind it, so much worth to you, you loved this woman more than anything.
You bend down, placing a quick kiss to Jessie’s cheek, knowing she wasn’t a big fan of PDA you withhold your desire to have your lips on hers. Hearing an ‘awwww’ from the side you turn to see a handful of Jessie’s teammates looking at the two of you.
“Shut up.” Jessie says as she tucks her head into your side, hiding the obvious blush she had.
“Oh please Jess, you two are cute.” Ashley says. The two of you pull apart and you tell Jessie you’ll wait for her at her car before heading out so she can finish her postgame routine. You can’t help but smile to yourself when you hear Vanessa teasing Jessie as you walk away.
“You’re just like a little koala.”
She probably wasn’t going to live that nickname down anytime soon and you knew you’d be to blame but you really didn’t care, letting her jump into your arms was the best feeling on earth.
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httpsserene · 3 months
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𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐰𝐧 - 𝐥𝐬. 𝟏𝟖 | 𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫 𝟒𝟎𝟒: 𝐏𝐍𝐅 |
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𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫 𝟒𝟎𝟒: 𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 - 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐞
summary: after all of the trials, tribulations, and failed relationships of your life, you deserve your happy ending. content warning: soft launch and hard launch. sibling dynamics (bullying). reader's mom. puns. happily ever after. elden-ring dlc spoilers! (ik it came out very recently but we’re pretending it’s older in this universe). profanity. a couple suggestive lines. attempt at humor. alcohol (reader gets drunk on nye). pairing: lance stroll x fem!black!reader
from serene: the insane amount of work i did to make fake clips of a twitch stream…there’s most definitely an easier way to do it. unrelated: i did not think a lewham win was in the cards this year, but i'm so fucking happy that he did win silverstone! of any race, i'm glad it was that one. finishing up toasty part two today, so expect it to drop tomorrow or the day after that! and most importantly, enjoy this final installment of error 404: plot not found xxx
⌕ prev | join taglist | requests & feedback | table of contents | series toc ↻
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twitter • ynplays • december 27th
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instagram • ynfanaccount • december 27th
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liked by lancestroll, user35, user12, and 11,376 others
ynfanaccount: the three most popular clips from yn's twitch stream today! can you see a theme?
tagged ynplays
view comments
user1: lance liked this!!!
➥ user2: do you think he watched the stream :(
➥ user3: girl. i think he watched IRL. that was definitely a man's voice in the third clip! you can kinda hear him at the very start!
user4: don't know what's worse: yn lying to us about having a date for nye or yn gaslighting us into believing that was her sister smh
➥ yoursister: i'm not even at her house rn 🤔
➥ ynplays: whaTCHU OUT HERE BEING MESSY FOR??!
➥ user4: exposed by your own sister
➥ user5: L + ratio
➥ user6: ynnnnnnn who was thatttttttt
user7: so we can all agree that she was talking to lance in that last clip :o
➥ user8: um no. he's still in canada. yn seems like the type to have already moved on to a different man 🙄🥱
➥ user9: who the fuck are you? you must be new around here if you're deciding to talk crazy.
➥ user10: and how TF do you know that lance is still in canada? r u stalking him or smth? last clip, turn up your volume, clear as day you can hear yn almost say his name
➥ user11: worst take i've heard so far @/user8 delete your account 🤡🤡🤡
igstory • ynplays uploaded!
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[caption1; when he gifts you flowers just because >>>>] [caption2; wild baby sega posing pretty in the snow 🥺]
yourbestie: answer my fucking facetime neOWW YOU WHORE
yourfriend1: "he" as in lance stroll, the f1 driver that flew all the way from canada to see you and prove that a long distance relationship with him is worth it and he also begged for you to cuddle him live on your twitch stream, gifted you flowers just because? ynplays: he *allegedly begged for me to cuddle him. you couldn't really hear it on the stream 🤓☝🏽 youfriend1: OMG ITS ACTUALLY HM INN YOUR HOUSE U LYING SNAKE yourfriend1: oh your sister is going to kill you rip 😔
yourfriend2: oh wow lance...i didn't expect him to be a returning love interest at all (sarcasm) yourfriend2: put my niece on the phone 🥱 ynplays: sega is not your niece ynfriend2: PUT MY FUR-NIECE ON THE PHONE BEFORE I STEAL HER 👺
yoursister: omw. ynplays: m not opening the door yoursister: okay? lance will open it for me ynplays: not if he doesn't want me to die he won't ynsister: if he wants to live, he will. also you gave me a key ✨
lilymhe: can't wait to see you in the paddock next year 😘 ynplays: wtf. you know who i am😨 lilymhe: alex gossips VERY loudly with george liymhe: also i love the unedited skincare & makeup videos you make, they feel like girlhood honestly ynplays: going to faint rq brb
instagram • lancestroll • dec28th • where i'm supposed to be ⚑
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liked by estebanocon, chloestroll, ynbestie, and 675,432 others
lancestroll: reconnecting
view comments
estebanocon: seems better 😁
➥ lancestroll: yes you were right okay thank you
➥ user12: right about what?
➥ user13: think it's a refrence to esteban's reply on lance's previous post!
fernandoalonso: that pizza looks mid.
➥ lancestroll: what
➥ user14: IJBOL 😂😂😂
➥ user15: it feels like i just heard my parents using slang
➥ user16: that's my favorite rookie 🙂‍↕️
user17: okay yn's best friend liked!
➥ user18: soft launch radar: SCREAMING 🔊🎚️
➥ user19: does this count as a sl? it's more like a deluxe edition to an album
➥ user20: it's giving album repackaging
➥ user18: i think it's cute that he's still doing a sl !! i'm just happy they're getting back together 😌
user21: LANCE the bouquet you gifted her was sooo pretty!
➥ user22: my boyfriend has to step the fuck up (the location on this too 😭😭😭)
➥ user23: bro there's no conformation he even gave her those 😒
➥ user24: are you blind 🤨? you need to get your eyes checked fr @/user23
➥ user21: ain't it funny? how the non-believers have fallen so low into their delusion...
twitter • december 28th
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instagram • ynplays • dec 30th • happy ⚑
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liked by estebanocon, lilymhe, yoursister, and 179,674 others
ynplays: yes, i have a date for my new year's party: it's the 31st! 🥳🥳🥳
view comments
alexandrasaintmleux: i can treat you better than him 😩
➥ lilymhe: she's mine 😡
➥ ynplays: but pookies :( don't fight
➥ alexandrasaintmleux: okay kitten whiskers :(
➥ lilymhe: hmph. as long as you don't forget that you were daddy's first 😤
➥ user25: if i didn't know the shrek reference i'd be calling the cops
yoursister: you will send that poor man to an early grave
➥ yoursister: at least you're raising his blood pressure and not mine
➥ yourbestie: i'm just happy i'm not getting the video game rage texts anymore
➥ ynplays: haters (i love you both)
➥ yoursister: it takes the same amount of energy to love or or hate and i will always chose hate when it's you (i love you more)
➥ yourbestie: it's a consequence of cutting my hair off when we were three (ditch your man so we can have a sleepover please)
user26: lame ass dad joke in the caption
➥ ynplays: i thought it was funny 😕
➥ yourfriend1: it wasn't 👎🏽
➥ yourfriend2: should've asked the gc b4 you posted 🤷‍♀️
user27: so we all just ignoring her asking him for nudes…
➥ user28: and what about it???
➥ user29: you're just mad you don't have anybody to send you smth naughty
➥ user30: you notice how he didn't say no tho 👀👀
user31: nonchalant boyfriend core
➥ user32: nonchalant boyfriend & gamer girlfriend >>>
➥ user33: like, he just always in his own world, he rly quiet fr unless he know u
➥ user34: he funny asl tho if he know u type shit
user35: adding this to my lance stroll x reader fic
➥ user36: you couldn't WATERBOARD this info out of me 😭
➥ user37: lance stroll boyfriend aesthetic
➥ user38: ...aye dm a link to that fic LOL ☠️☠️☠️
igstory • ynplays uploaded!
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[caption; ui i Lov myy bfrikenddd!!!?! happy new yrsss, ocme give me a KISS labbceyyyy]
lancestroll: i leave you with your sister for 2 seconds to use the bathroom lancestroll: you're super adorable when you're drunk lancestroll: i'll get you some water and come give you a kiss mon coeur lancestroll: you're so pretty
user39: something tells me you will not be able to stream tomorrow
user40: PUT THAT DOWN !!! ts is bigger than your HEAD GIRL
instagram • lancestroll and ynplays • january 1st • my heart ⚑
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liked by lewishamilton, landonorris, twitch, astonmartinf1 and 3,492,125 others
lancestroll and ynplays: you guys haven't seen us together since last year 🤪😅
view comments
📌 lancestroll: yn's still passed out from last night but she wanted me to tell you guys that she will still be streaming tonight
➥ lancestroll: (you didn't hear this from me but she is definitely not going to be able to 🫥)
➥ user41: LMAO tell her to rest well
➥ user42: make sure she drinks lots and lots of water
➥ user43: thank u for the update messenger bf lance!!!
lewishamilton: happy it worked out for you man
➥ lancestroll: me too 😁
➥ user44: ik lewis mad as hell he didn't find yn before lance LMAOO 😭😭😭
twitch: now when are we seeing you two play overcooked on stream?
➥ lancestroll: she gets mad at me in animal crossing so i don't think it'll be in my best interests to play overcooked with her
➥ user45: yeah that game tears marriages apart
nhl: can't wait to see you guys rink side together - admin
➥ user46: nhl admin is one of us
yourfriend1: WHAT A HAPPY NEW YEAR ��🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
➥ yourbestie: glad to start the year knowing i will NEVER have to sit through another vacation fling ever again
➥ yoursister: well,,,what if i want to find love on vacay?
➥ yourfriend1: NO
➥ yourfriend2: UH UH
➥ yourbestie: H-H-HELL NAW ❌❌❌‼️‼️
user47: i love when soft launches only last for a few days
user48: i saw this and smiled like i had anything to do with them getting together
➥ user49: nodded my head like i know them personally 😌
instagram • ynplays • january 1st • where love grows ⚑
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liked by lancestroll, nhl, estebanocon, lewishamilton and 2,582,991 others
ynplays: yeah yeah yeah stream is cancelled tn (my head is about to combust) to make up for it, canada vlog is premiering tonight 💁🏾‍♀️
tagged lancestroll, segagenesisthedawg
view comments
lancestroll: do i get vip on twitch yet?
➥ ynplays: i'll teach you how to mod too
➥ user50: modern day love story 👩🏾‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻
➥ user51: discord mod and kitten ts
➥ ynplays: 🤢🤢🤮🤮
lilymhe: i got early access to this video, we are NOT the same xxx
➥ alexandrasaintmleux: i got it too, so we are the same x
➥ user52: damn they really tussling over yn???
➥ user53: can't blame them, i would do the same 💆🏾‍♀️
yourbestie: i feel like i should've gotten more screen time in this vid 🤔
➥ yourfriend1: speak on it bc when she wasn't with lance she was with us being annoying asl🥴
➥ yourfriend2: are we losing the friend group leader to a man? never thought she'd fall so far from grace...
➥ ynplays: friend group leader is CRAZY n y'all just happy to use me for clout huh 😤
yoursister: didn't realize we were returning to clickbait storytime yt era
➥ yoursister: sucks to see how unreletable you've become 😔
➥ ynplays: im going home and stealing ALL my clothes back
➥ yoursister: i misspoke, i apologize for my words *plays ukulele*
➥ user54: believe it or not this is love 🤓
yourmom: lance, thank you for giving my daughter the love and care she deserves x
➥ ynplays: mom this is my post???
➥ lancestroll: of course ma'am. i'll love her tirelessly
➥ ynplays: i'll love you endlessly baby 🥹
user55: HAPPY NEW YEAR YNNNNN
➥ ynplays: thank you my love! i wish you the best year everrrr
➥ user56: happy new year yn stans we up haters stay down
user57: i didn't think we'd get a vlog!!! ilysm ynnnn
➥ user58: best content creator out rn hand down
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© httpsserene2024
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dunnerlars · 2 months
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truth or dare - mat barzal
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pairing: mat barzal x fem!reader summary: summers are your favorite, but what comes after summer? word count: 2.7k warnings: alcohol mention a/n: and we're pinch hitting! this is for the lovely @writingonleaves for the #the summer fic exchange 2k24 hosted by the absolute kick ass @wyattjohnston! cobbled this together the last couple of days so i hope it's okay!
You coveted summers.
Summers were the only time of the year that you got interrupted moments with your best friend. Every summer it felt like he became more and more busy, with less time to spend at home so, summer was what you looked forward to and the little time he did manage to carve out and visit.
You’d grown up living just a few streets down from where Mat did, tucked away in a sleepy suburb, moving to the area when you were 10. It’d been hard moving to a new country, even if Canada wasn’t all that far from the States, things were just different. Making new friends and trying to fit in had been overwhelming, most girls already forming their friend groups and shunning outsiders, but when you’d met the boy down the street just a couple of years younger than you, when he came by your house one hazy afternoon asking if you wanted to play street hockey, well- that’d been it.
Despite the small gap in age, you two were inseparable and his friends became yours and it made the move easier- settling in seem inevitable instead of never ending. When he left only a handful of years later for Seattle to play hockey, it felt like everything was falling apart again. The infrequent texts and calls, trying to keep in touch through things like Facebook or Snapchat, was rough. You were 17 and sure Seattle wasn’t all that far but it’s not like you could explain to your parents why you suddenly needed to cross the border to see your best friend who’d helped you keep everything together.
Eventually things got easier. Mat’s friends were still yours, but you made your own. Went off to University, made more friends, moved to Vancouver, and got a big girl job but still summers were spent at home. With Mat.
And so: summers. 
You didn’t actually get the whole summer off, normal jobs were like that, but you saved all of your vacation to make sure you were home for most of it. But, well- you'd quit your job just before the beginning of summer. And you were set to start the new one in early September so now the entire summer was yours.
There’s been something about this summer that’s felt different. Maybe it was the fact that you’ve been hiding something you’re nervous to share with the important people around you or that you were nearing a new decade in life soon, time changing, even if you felt like you were the same. Summer’s spent in the same childhood room with posters covering the wallpaper, fairy lights strung around the ceiling, polaroids tacked on your closet door full of memories and friends.
Mat had come home earlier than planned this summer, knocked out of the playoffs in the 1st round. You’d let him sulk for a week before you dragged him out into the sunshine with promises of ice cream and letting him beat you at tennis and then he’d left again- for Italy and weddings, relaxing far away from responsibilities and you. And then he was back. Back to soak up the last bits of summer before he flew across the country, and back to hockey.
It was one of the last days of summer and you were determined to make the most of it.
So, you packed a bag full of towels, sunscreen, books, and a million other ‘just in case’ items, and made the short trek over to Mat’s childhood home.
The front door was slow to open once you knocked, Mat appearing sleep rumpled and hungover.
“I thought you went home early last night,” you frown in greeting, pushing past him and into the house you were just as familiar with as your own.
“I did,” he groans, making his way to the kitchen and starting coffee, “Just tired. Are we really going to the beach this early?”
“It’s noon.”
Mat bangs his head against the cabinets at that and you snort, setting your bags down and hopping onto the counter next to him.
“You leave tomorrow. I leave next week. We don’t have to go, but I thought it would be nice. Everyone’s already down there. Charlotte’s made those sandwiches you like and Justin got you a whole case of only mango White Claws. And Hannah might kill me if we don’t show up and I’ll blame you.” You nudge his thigh with your foot, trying to get his attention as he watches the coffee pour. “Come on. Please.”
Once his gaze catches yours, he stares for a second and nods reluctantly. “Fine. Give me five?”
“Perfect. I’ll finish the coffee. You get dressed.”
You hop down as Mat shuffles out of the kitchen, doctoring his coffee into a to-go cup and putting the rest of the pot in a thermos you dig out of the back of the cabinet. 
As you tuck the milk back onto the shelf of the refrigerator, the sight of the photos littering the doors as you close them has you smiling. You’re in a handful of them, Mat tucked under your arm in a couple of them until he hit a growth spurt a couple of years later. One of you both playing street hockey the first year you’d moved to Coquitlam. Your favorite, though, is stuck under an Islanders magnet on the top corner from Mat’s draft day where he’s giving you a piggyback ride down the hallway of the hotel after a long day of shaking hands, phone calls, and endless press. 
Mat breaks the moment as he comes back to the kitchen, dressed in swim shorts and a long sleeve button down on, buttons completely undone leaving him bare chested. You have to take a deep breath, willing yourself not to say something stupid as he presses up behind you and hooks his chin over your shoulder. “Coffee good?” he asks, peering at the pictures on the fridge too. 
“Yep, uh huh.”
Leaning over you, Mat presses his finger to the picture of you both playing street hockey and taps it with an airy laugh. “Who knew, huh?”
You barely manage to swallow and nod before he’s peeling himself away and grabbing the thermos and to-go cup of coffee, tucking them into his own bag and waiting. 
“I don’t know what you’re waiting for, you’re driving. Let’s go.”
The drive to the beach is a short 20 minutes, Mat filling the time with his obnoxious singing. Normally it was something you’d give him shit about, but you were thankful he didn’t notice anything off about the lack of ribbing he wasn’t getting, lost in your own thoughts. 
Since you were both late, it was easy to spot everyone down near the shoreline set up near a haphazard volleyball net. Cheers of your names were mixed as you both approached the group, like they hadn’t seen you both in years, not hours since you’d all gone out last night too. 
Mat’s quick to pop open one of his mango White Claws once you reach everyone and you roll your eyes, setting up your towel and undressing down to your swimsuit. You were determined to make the most of the sun, knowing you weren’t going to see it too often soon. Hannah, one of your best friends who you’d met in college, lays out next to you and pulls out her book. 
“Are you excited for the move next week?” She asks curiously, turning to face you.
Hannah was the only one who knew your news, confiding in her when you’d gotten the job offer a couple of months ago. 
“I think so? I’m still so nervous and being so far away from everyone,” you sigh, “But it’s not like I won’t have anyone. And I still haven’t told Mat.”
Hannah’s expression turns funny and you realize why when Mat plops down near you both, “Haven’t told Mat what?” he wonders.
You scramble, looking around and catching Charlotte playing cornhole with Jordan and remember, “Charlotte forgot the sandwiches. She texted me on the drive over. Sorry.”
Groaning, Mat dramatically lays down and feigns upset. “Can’t believe you lied to me. What kind of best friend are you? Have the last 20 years meant nothing?”
“I still can’t believe you two have been friends for that long. I can’t remember the last time I could stand someone longer than a couple hours,” Hannah chimes in and you pinch her thigh with a scowl.
“Best 20 years of my life,” Mat says proudly and you glance up at him through your sunglasses, catching the grin spread wide across his face. 
“Okay ya big sap,” you tease.
The afternoon wears on. You finally finish the book you’re reading and switch with Hannah, reapplying sunscreen and choosing to drink water over alcohol. Mat never strays too far from you, choosing to lay out and play on his phone while you read or fetch new water bottles as yours deplete. It’s sweet and Hannah makes sure to make a big deal of it when he leaves, poking you in the side with a sly grin. 
Eventually you need to cool off and sure enough, Mat’s right behind you and volunteering you both for a game of chicken. It’s best out of 3 and you lose in the last round, Mat losing his footing and you both topple into the water, giggling. You can’t remember the last time you felt so carefree, at ease and not wanting or wishing for anything else. There’s no hurry for either of you to get out, so you both float around, chatting nonsense until Mat catches your ankle as you float past him.
“So,” he starts, and suddenly you know it’s kind of serious. “I know Charlotte brought the sandwiches, the jig is up. What uh- what haven’t you told me? If you don’t wanna tell me that’s fine, I just. Is it something bad? Should I be worried?”
You let yourself fall out of your floating position, trying to find footing in the bottom of the lake but come up empty, not realizing you’re so far out you can’t touch the bottom. Mat’s the nearest thing so you hold onto his shoulder, kicking your feet to stay afloat until he grabs you around the waist to hold you close.
“I, uh. I got a new job,” you tell him, nerves filling you up. 
He’s puzzled and you can tell. “Okay? Why wouldn’t you wanna tell me that? That’s awesome. What is it?”
“It’s at a publishing house in Manhattan,” you take a deep breath, starting the spiel you’d been practicing for when you finally told him. “And I don’t know, I’ve been feeling a little weird about it? I didn’t want you to think I was following you or something but like, obviously it’s benn my dream job and I know you know that but-”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. You got a job in New York? That’s amazing, holy shit!” Mat pulls you to his front, squeezing you tight and relief floods you as wrap your arms around his neck. 
For whatever reason, this was not how you pictured this going. You knew Mat- he didn’t like feeling stifled and that’s what you thought this decision felt like it might be to him, like you were encroaching on something that was his. 
“Really?”
Mat pulls away, searching your face in confusion. “Yeah, of course. This is gonna fucking sick. I can’t believe you didn’t say anything.”
“Well, I-”
You’re interrupted as Hannah yells at the two of you from the shore, “Hey, we’re gonna start grilling. Justin says you need to help, Mat!”
“Ugh. Fine!”
You both swim to shore and before you part, Mat grabs your wrist. “Don’t think I’m done with this. I have questions,” he tells you, waiting for you to nod before letting go.
Settling back on your towel, you turn towards Hannah who you can feel burning holes into your side. 
“Spit it out.”
“What was that all about? You two looked pretty cozy out there,” she teases. 
You shrug, still not sure how you’re feeling. “I told him about the job, moving, all of it. He was excited but then I think he realized I’d been keeping it from him and he might be upset? I can’t tell.”
Hannah glances over at the grill and you follow her gaze, both of you watching Mat and Justin goof off and she shrugs at you. “Maybe he’s forgotten,” she offers and you can’t help the laugh that passes your lips.
“Fat chance.”
Everyone gathers together to eat and discuss plans for after the summer and you’re pointedly quiet, still not quite ready to share your news with everyone. Hannah’s known and now Mat knew and that felt like enough. You still had a week, it would be fine. They all give Mat shit for going back all the way across the country and you’re thankful he doesn’t say anything, just gives it right back and tells everybody they’re welcome to visit. 
Once the weather starts to cool, everyone begins packing up. You’re still sat on your towel, wrapped in an old hoodie of Mat’s he’d grabbed you from the car earlier and Hannah comes to sit beside you, placing her head on your shoulder.
“Gonna miss you, ya know,” she tells you quietly. 
It’s hard, trying to hold the tears that are threatening to fall and you sniffle. “I know. God, we have a week left. Stop making me emotional and go home,” you tell her, voice wet and you push her away lightly. 
She clambers up, dusting the sand off her ass and wipes at her eyes. “Dinner tomorrow?”
“Obviously.”
She salutes you and you watch her make the trek back to the parking lot behind the beach before turning to find Mat. You find him easily enough, hugging a couple of friends goodbye and slapping them on the back. It’s easy for your mind to wander to when the time will come and you’ll all be doing different things, too busy to come together for the summers. Time filled with new families and friends.
Eventually, Mat makes his way back down to the beach and packs up what little is left: the rest of his White Claws and the couple of chairs you’d eventually brought down later in the day. He packs up the car but you’re not quite ready to leave, waiting for the sun to set. 
Mat’s quiet when he sits beside you, picking at the corner of the towel, and you nudge his arm with yours. “I’m sorry for not saying something sooner about moving, I-”
He cuts you off, shaking his head. “No, you don’t need to apologize.”
There’s a pause, and you can see him trying to gather the thoughts he’s been holding onto since you told him the news a few hours ago. 
“I think I just wish you’d felt like you could’ve told me,” he starts. “I didn’t even know you were looking at jobs out there. Like, we’d talked about it before years ago- you moving out there, but it always kind of seemed like a joke? And I guess it was, for a while anyway. But at some point I thought maybe you’d actually come out there and we could, I don’t know.” Mat shakes his head and you sigh, glancing towards the horizon of the setting sun and wonder if you’ve gotten something wrong here. 
He continues, cutting his gaze towards you. “I guess I just thought at some point you’d actually make the move for real and we could finally try something.”
And oh.
Mat looks serious and you suddenly feel warm all over despite the chill taking over, the breeze from the water rushing over you and giving you goosebumps.
“Mat…”
“Was I crazy to think that?” He asks, earnest.
You shake your head quickly, hands sliding out from the sweater sleeves and you reach for him, intertwining your fingers. “No. Not crazy.”
Sitting there, you both watch the sun finally set in the sky, the beach awash in a hazy blue glow and Mat turns to you.
“Truth or dare?”
“Dare,” you answer without hesitation. 
“Kiss me.”
The dare catches you off guard but Mat’s grinning, his smile stretched wide across his face and you lunge forward and press a kiss to his smiling lips.
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bloodyknucklesforme · 5 months
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Red Summer | Ghoap x F!Reader | Slasher!AU
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After breaking up with your long term boyfriend you take a job working as a camp counselor in Northern Vermont. Seven weeks of swimming, volleyball, archery and hiking. There's even a hot lifeguard. It seems perfect until you find something evil is lurking in the woods
Tags: Slasher AU, Ghoap x Reader, intro chapter, nondescript reader, dark fic
Chapter 1: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
5.5k words
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It smelled like Summer. Ozonic and earthy, carried into your car by the breeze as you drove North through winding roads. Montpelier was two hours behind you now. 
Despite the eighty degree heat, Vermont was lush and green. Only a couple more miles of shaded forest roads before you reached camp. At least you hoped so. Your maps app had been slow to load the last twenty miles.
The place was North, nestled between the border of Canada and the New Hampshire state line. It was gorgeous though. Anytime you thought about moving out of New England to somewhere cheaper the next season changed your mind. The trees just didn’t look as pretty in fall or the snow as splendid in winter. You just wished it was cheaper.
Suppose that’s why you took this job, as much as it didn’t appeal to you. Camp counselor for seven long weeks, the pay was shit but your food and board came free. After a bad breakup you didn’t have time to find a new lease so your life was packed up into a rented storage box with anything valuable shoved into the back of your car. 
A friend of a friend recommended it. She’d been working here for years, attended for even more. She was an old money New Englander. Boarding school outside of Boston and all that. She was nice though. Got you the job over any qualified candidates. It wasn’t nepotism but whatever it was called you wouldn’t complain.
Your car dinged. Low gas. Shit.
Scrolling quickly through the map you saw a gas station up ahead. You’d just make it… hopefully. 
You let out a sigh of relief as you pulled into the station. It was older with dusty windows and sun-faded posters for cigarettes. 
A piece of paper was taped to the pump.
“Reader broken. Pay inside” scribbled in sharpie.
You sighed and headed inside. 
It was dusty inside too. A couple aisles of brightly packaged food and walls lined with fridges filled with beer and soda. The man behind the counter glanced up from his book when you walked in.
He was handsome. Black with dark, short cut curly hair and big brown eyes. Much too handsome to be working in the middle of nowhere. He’d look more fitting in the corner of a bar, buying you a drink. He smiled up at you and your heart might have skipped a beat. 
“Pump three? How much?” He was English… strange.
“Just…uh… ten bucks.” You stumbled out. 
“It’s the accent,” he chuckled. “It throws everybody off the first time.” 
“It’s a strange place for an Englishman to be, I guess.” You swayed awkwardly. 
“I go to Middlebury. Easier to get a summer job than fly home.” He shrugged. 
“Understandable.” You weren’t an expert on Vermont geography but you swore the college was on the other side of the state. 
“Ten on three.” He said, nodding his head towards the window.
“Oh yeah. Thank you.” 
“You still got to pay, love.”
“Oh fuck, yeah. Sorry… uh… Kyle.” You read his name tag before digging through your tote bag, finding the last bit of your cash.
“No worries. What brings a girl like you out here.”
“I’m working at the camp.”
“Weldon lake, right?”
“Yeah. First time… I’m going the right way, right?”
“If you continue up the road. There will be a sign when you need to turn.” He handed you your receipt. 
“Thank you.” 
“Hey!” You were half way out the door when he called. “Stay alive out there. Heard the campers can be down right evil.”
“I’ll try!”
The rest of the journey was smooth, there was a sign just like Kyle said. Another one after that taking you down a long gravel drive and into a dirt parking lot. A couple other cars were there already. 
You made sure everything important was locked up in the trunk before grabbing your duffel bag and tote. You hoped you brought enough sunscreen. 
The sun was warm on your back as you made your way up to the main building. Two other girls were hanging around on the porch. They each wore matching white baseball shirts with red sleeves and trim, each labeled with STAFF on the back. 
“Hey, you’re Sophia’s friend, right? I’m Janie.” She jumped down from the porch fence. “I love your braids by the way.”
You’d done your hair before leaving, figuring it’d be easier to keep clean braided than fight for limited shower time. 
“I’m Natalie,” The other girl greeted. You introduced yourself, thanking Janie for the compliment.”
“I think your cabin is next to mine. I can take you over once you check in.” Janie said.
Check in was easy enough. Sign a couple more papers, show off your ID to prove you were you and get your cabin assignment, key and two staff shirts. Tomorrow was orientation before the campers arrived Monday morning. Tonight was for getting to know everyone. 
“So, where’s this cabin?” you asked, walking outside.
The girls grinned and led you down the path. Everything seemed to branch off from here. They pointed out where the dining hall was just past the main office next to the nurse’s station.
“Don’t expect much. They’re still recovering from when Covid almost killed this place.”
“Damn.”
“Yeah. They had to raise fees and a bunch of parents freaked out. Guess an extra hundred dollars really threw all the millionaires off.” Natalie laughed. 
Next was the pool, fully fenced in and surrounded by two tennis courts and two basketball courts on either side. 
“Hey lasses!” A man called from the pool, leaning over the chain link fence. Natalie rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. “Who’s the new girl?”
He had a thick Scottish accent. Lots of transplants for the area, you guessed. He was also handsome. Muscular with a dark mohawk and light eyes. He was shirtless with very short and tight red shorts on and a silver whistle around his neck. He was dripping water over the ground.
“You say that like you aren’t also the new guy, Johnny!” Natalie called, clearly annoyed already. 
“Nat hates him.” Janie giggled. 
“It’s been three hours and he’s already tried to fuck half the counselors. He’s a dog.”
“One I’d put on a leash.” Janie laughed.
Johnny walked over, still dripping wet. His crocs squeaked with every step. 
“Johnny,” he grinned, holding out his hand to you. You introduced yourself as he shook your hand excitedly. He had a tattoo on his side, up by his ribs. You couldn’t see all of it but it looked like a heart with someone’s initials in it. S and something else, you couldn’t tell for sure. “Beautiful name for a beautiful gal.”
Your cheeks felt hot as his blue eyes traveled over your body. 
“It’s going to be a fun seven weeks with all you bonnie lasses around.” He grinned. Nat looped her arm around yours.
“Down dog. We still have half the camp to show off.”
“You know where to find me. Pool looked like the lake when I got here.” He raised his hands up as he walked backwards towards the pool again.
“Come on, before we lose Janie.”
“He’s hot!” She defended. 
“You just like him because he got your name right on the first try.”
“He’s intelligent too!”
The cabins were next. Ten white painted buildings split in half with about eight beds on each side and a shared bathroom in the back. They formed a circle around a fire pit with log benches. 
You had cabin room 14. Janie was the building next door in 15 and Nat with 16 sharing with her. They took turns explaining everything.
“Your bed is the only non bunk and the chest underneath locks so anything you don’t want the campers to find should go there.”
“Basically all your shit. I had a copy of Crime and Punishment stolen last year. Fucking Crime and Punishment like any of these kids could read Dostoevsky.”
“Showers are in the back. Hot water is sparse so if you want some, move quick and early.”
“Breakfast is at 8. Coffee tastes like shit unless you pour half a pound of sugar in it.” 
“You can vape just outside but if you smoke you gotta ask your neighbor counselor to watch your kids. At least thirty feet away or they’ll snitch too.”
“Weed is only for days off because they'll either snitch or demand you share. That goes for kids and counselors.” 
“Days off are randomly assigned but you should get one every other week.”
“I don’t recommend sleeping with other counselors but if you must, go to your car.” Natalie said. 
“We’ll leave you to get settled. Dinner is in an hour. You can meet everyone else then.”
“Thank you guys for everything.” You felt overwhelmed just a bit. 
They left, still arguing about Johnny. He was cute but the break up wounds were still fresh. You didn’t want to sneak around either. You weren’t a teenager anymore.
You haphazardly dumped the contents of your duffle into the lock chest before shoving it back under the bed. You had seven weeks to organize it. 
The bed was okay. A plastic covered mattress with an old sleeping bag. You should have brought your own pillow. Maybe a Target run on your next day off whenever that was. 
The ache in your muscles from driving all day hit hard the moment you sat down. 
There was a knock on the door. 
“Hey sleepyhead!” Sophia came in. You rubbed your face as you woke up. Out the window you could see the sky looked darker, a blue summer evening. “I’m glad you ended up coming.”
“Yeah. Thanks for getting me the job.” You stretched, your shoulders cracking. “It’s nice to get away.” 
“I’m sorry about you and Ale.” There it was. She was nice but always craved gossip. 
“It’s okay. Just wanted different things.”
You shrugged. It wasn’t a bad breakup, no arguing, just a slow and painful demise. He’d even offered to let you stay with him when the lease ended and he found out you didn’t have a place to go. You chose this instead. 
“Well, let’s get you something to eat. The food is incredibly mediocre but I heard a rumor that the lifeguard has beer and weed for the fire pit.”
She was not wrong about dinner. Hot dogs with a slice of Kraft cheese melted on top with a bag of chips as a side. 
You sat with Nat, Sophia and Janie. 
“There are my lovely ladies!” Johnny sat down, forcing his way between Cel and Sophia. Nat looked like she wanted to kill him. “Coming out to the lake tonight? Hope you all brought swim suits or birthday suits.”
“Jesus Christ.” Nat groaned. 
“I think we’re gonna have an easy night. Some of us had long drives.” Sophia motioned to herself and you. “Just some girl time.”
Johnny pouted. 
“Fair enough but I do expect all of you at the bonfire tomorrow.” He pointed at all of them, even Nat. “Especially you new girl.”
He got up and jogged off to another table of girls. 
“Am I allowed to call him a slut?”
“What happened to dog?” Janie asked, raising an eyebrow. 
“Dogs can be trained.” 
You all laughed. You’d been worried that you wouldn’t fit in. All the other girls knew each other for years at this point. Janie and Sophia had been coming here since they were kids. Nat met Janie in high school and got a job as a junior counselor with her the first chance they got. 
It wasn’t a super attractive job and the pay was shit but it looked good on resumes and college applications apparently. Showed responsibility. Most of your experiences with camp were from horror films. 
The sun was still out as the four of you walked back. Sophia was your cabin neighbor, taking care of room 13. It’s where you all gathered. 
Sophia and you sat on her bed while she did your nails. 
“Red looks nice on you.” It was a bright cherry red. She’d picked it out, saying they should all match. 
The evening was spent talking and laughing. You asking questions about camp life and getting advice from the other girls. 
You had friends back home but you were glad you fit in so fast. Any anxiety and fear for the Summer slipped away as the sun set. 
“I’m beat.” Nat yawned. It was almost midnight now. Janie agreed and the two wandered off back to their cabin. 
“I’ll head back too. Thank you for being so welcoming, Soph.”
“Absolutely! It’s nice to get fresh meat every once and a while. It can be tough with the kids so some people get jaded. I hope you have fun this Summer and if you don’t you can blame me.” She laughed. 
The air was cool on the little porch out front. Most of the other cabins had their lights off by now and the center was lit up with fireflies, neon yellow dots. 
There was an orange dot out towards the back of one of the cabins across the way. A cigarette. The man smoking it seemed larger than any counselor you’d seen but it was dark and he was half hidden behind the building. It was Johnny’s cabin, you think. He was big. 
He waved and you waved back. He dropped the cigarette and stamped it out. The little corner fell dark and you went into your side.
You didn’t realize how quiet the world could be as you curled up in your sleeping bag. No hum of electronics or cars. No people yelling above or below you. Just the stillness of the stars.
It was an early morning. Johnny was running around the circle of cabins playing music to wake everyone up. He was shirtless again and his shorts seemed shorter than the day before. You wouldn’t complain. 
“So why did you choose this wonderful vista as a summer job?” Johnny asked, jogging up next to you as you made your way to the dining hall. 
“Needed a break. Get out in nature for a bit. I grew up in the suburbs and just broke up with my boyfriend so I guess I wanted to breathe for a bit. You?”
“Running from my previous life of crime.” He smiled. “Nah, just also trying to get away. Was military back home, knee injury did me in. Didn’t know what else to do. Hiked part of the Appliachian trail. You know, it's the same mountain range as the Highlands. Felt like I had to see them. Haven’t really felt like going back home yet.”
“You hiked alone?” You raised an eyebrow. You knew that it was one of the longest and hardest trails in the country. 
“Had a mate with me but I’m on my lonesome now.” He opened the door for you. Sure, he was boisterous but he seemed harmless one on one. Maybe a little dogish but he wasn’t going to hump your leg unprompted. 
“Shirts are needed in the dining hall, Mactavish!” Sophia called. He held up his hands in surrender before fishing out a cropped muscle tee that had been shoved into his pocket. It was a nice change of pace to be around a man that wanted to show off his own skin rather than try to get girls to show theirs. 
You told yourself before you got here that you wouldn’t look for that kind of distraction. It wasn’t worth it, especially not this early. You could look though. No harm in that. 
Bacon, Eggs and self-serve cereal was today’s breakfast. You joined back up with the girls from last night. Orientation was supposed to take up most of the day so they encouraged you to grab a couple pieces of fruit and a protein bar.
“Only fill up your water bottle in here. There are fountains elsewhere but I think they taste weird.” Said Janie. 
You were put in a group with Johnny, Sophia, and another guy named Warren. He and Sophia were long term counselors so they gladly took on the role of being you and Johnny’s tour guide. Johnny had been hired because of his lifeguard training so he already knew the layout of the lake and pool. You were scolded for not having proper shoes for hiking.
“What’s your size? I might have an old pair in my car.” Sophia offered. “If not I think there’s an L.L.Bean like two hours away. We can go on our next day off.”
You weren’t sure if you could afford brand new boots so silently hoped that Sophia did have that old pair and they fit. 
“Don’t want ya getting blisters all summer.” Johnny said. He was doing the hike in crocs but apparently did have boots back at his cabin. 
You didn’t do the full trail but Warren pointed out the different routes and how difficult each one was and which ones kids could do by themselves and which ones they couldn’t. The fields were next. A soccer field and baseball field were across the way from the cabins. It was a loose definition of each. One was a huge patch of grass and the other a diamond of dirt. Both looked a little off size wise. There was the sports supply shed that had all the equipment in it. Only a couple counselors had keys to it.
“People kept using it inappropriately.” Sophia smiled.
There was the art building, the rec hall, a path leading towards the archery field and riflery field.
“Riflery?”
“Yeah. We used to teach kids how to shoot. Mostly clay pigeons but it was one of the programs cut after Covid,” Warren explained. 
“Shame I missed it. Could have taught the kids trick shots.” Johnny joked, pretending to aim a rifle backwards over his shoulder. 
The horse stable was also closed. Too expensive to have horses here for even half the season. 
The Lake was the last part of the tour. It was on the other side of the road so to get there was an underpass to get there. It was large enough for five adults to walk side by side comfortably but the yellow light from the lamps gave it a sickly vibe. 
It ended a little ways before the beach. There were several rows of Kayaks and another shed filled with life preservers and paddles. 
“Wow Johnny! You cleaned it up well.” Warren clapped him on the back. For a moment Johnny looked irritated that he’d been touched but he shoved that emotion out of the way to make room for his usual excited self. 
“Yeah. Cleaned up the best I could.”
“It looks great, Johnny.” You were impressed. He’d even sprayed the kayaks down, bright clean plastic in a rainbow of colors.
“Yer making me blush.” He laid a hand over his heart. 
The lake was gorgeous. Cream colored sand feeding into sapphire waters. You could just see the beach on the other side, a small empty dock with a path leading into the woods. The camp side had a floating platform about thirty feet into the water. 
“Campers have to swim there and back to pass the swimming competency test.” Sophia explained. “If you can’t swim on your own you’re stuck in the buoyed area.” 
There was a ten by ten foot area cordoned off by buoys, keeping to the shallow end of the lake. Made enough sense. No one wanted to fish a dead kid out of the water.
“Let’s head back. We don’t want to miss lunch.” Warren clapped his hands together. 
The four of you made the trek back to the dining hall. You did feel like blisters were starting to form on the back of your ankles. You’d have to put band-aids on them later. 
The rest of the afternoon was spent going over itinerary for the following week. Campers would arrive tomorrow between ten and six. It was a day mostly planned out for settling them in with an inaugural bonfire that night. After that it was seven weeks of regular old American camp adventures. 
You went back to your cabin the moment you had free time. Your ankles hadn’t started to bleed but they were bright red and throbbing. You applied the bandaids and grabbed another pair of socks to wear the rest of the way. 
There was about an hour and half before dinner and final orientation from the camp managers, who, you had been told, often made themselves scarce throughout the summer to avoid having to do their jobs. You settled on top of your sleeping bag. A nice breeze came in through the screen door. Janie had told you that it was the best way to keep the building cool.  
You thought about Ale. His smile and deep laugh. How he’d wake you up in the morning with kisses to the back of your neck. How he loved your hair and ass. How he’d whisper in Spanish to you. You still had the English/Spanish dictionary he gave you shoved in a box back in the city. You missed him. Your cowboy. He would have been so disappointed to hear the stables were closed. Maybe you’d call him after all this. Ask to work something out. 
You drifted off daydreaming about the scent of his cologne.
“Bonnie! You’re gonna miss dinner!” Johnny was knocking on the screen door. Maybe Nat was right in being annoyed by him all the time. 
“I’ll just miss it.” you sighed, rolling over on the bed. 
“You never know which meal is your last. Best not to skip any! C’mon or I’ll drag ya myself.”
You would have thrown a pillow if you had one. How did he always have so much energy?
He jogged literal circles around you on the way to the dining hall.
“How are your feet?” he asked.
“Huh?”
“You were limping on the way back to the cabins earlier.”
“Oh…yeah just blisters.”
He tutted at you. 
“Got to get you some good shoes soon.”
Dinner was the same hot dogs as the previous night with a bonus of a bowl of lettuce, cherry tomatoes and a slice of cucumber. 
There was an excited energy in the room. Most people who’d snuck in alcohol or drugs said tonight was the best night to use it all. An unspoken competition of who could drink the most and still function when the first campers started to arrive. It could be fun, you mused. You were never a big partier in college and what was this if not a perfect chance to make up for that. 
The boys built up a nice fire, each poking and prodding their own side with their favorite stick. You sat on one of the log benches next to Sophia and Janie. Johnny was across the fire, his arm around the waste of another girl counselor. Ceilidh you think it was. Pronounced like Kay-lee, she’d said. Pretty name, Gaelic. Made sense for him to go after a piece of home.
“Glad he’s finally left us alone.” Nat chuckled. 
“I think they’re cute.” Sophia said. You pushed down the twinge of jealousy you felt seeing her giggle at his joke. 
Warren came around with a cooler filled with a hodgepodge of beer. He was his fraternity’s president and one of his responsibilities was to get rid of any extra at the end of the term to avoid trouble. Dry campus issues. 
You grabbed a Modelo. Ale’s old go to and one you’d gotten used to drinking. It left a familiar warm feeling in your stomach.
You drank, you danced, you ate s’mores, you laughed with your new friends. The stars seemed so bright and clear out here. Janie had you all lay out on your backs in the grass nearby as she pointed out each constellation.
“That’s the big dipper and above it is the little dipper but Draco is the constellation between them. If you guys tell me your star signs I can point it out for you.”
There was laughter nearby and you glanced up to see Johnny and Ceilidh sneaking in the dark towards her cabin. 
You had another beer. And another. Maybe one more after that. 
Someone offered you a hit off a joint so you did that too. 
The four of you were laughing and stumbling back to Sophia’s cabin. You had no idea how late it was. The fire was dying out. Warren said he would make sure everyone got back inside all right. The designated driver of drunken counselors. He was a good guy. 
You found yourself laying on your side on one of the empty beds. Sophia and Janie were on her bed, half asleep against each other. Nat and you were talking about your childhoods. 
“I broke a bone three years in a row, each time in May. I missed field day every time. My mom once pulled me around in a wagon so I wouldn’t feel left out,” She laughed. 
“How did you break so many bones?”
“Catholic school where the playground was just a parking lot. I was a wild kid. I broke my arm tripping and falling against the priest’s car. I dented it too. I thought I was going to hell.”
There was a shrill noise. Loud and stomach dropping. A scream cut off. You and the other girls all jumped to attention. It was silent except for the crackling of the fire outside. 
“Fisher cat.” Janie said, trying to convince herself.
“Or a fox.” Sophia added. 
“Did you guys hear that?” Warren said, coming in. 
The four of you nodded.
“It sounded close. I’m gonna check it out.”
“By yourself?”
“One of the other guys is gonna come with me. It’s probably just an animal. If you see Johnny tell him to go check on everyone. I want a headcount before we all go to sleep.”
You all watched from the window as Warren met another guy holding a flashlight and a baseball bat. Sophia turned on the porch light. They disappeared between the cabin’s across the way. 
“Johnny and Celilidh went off together. Should we try to find them?” Sophia offered. 
“Maybe we should just stay here. Safety in numbers.” Janie answered. 
“Safety from what? It was just an animal.” Nat insisted. 
“Didn’t sound like an animal.” You thought. No one else would say it but you were all thinking it. A slide show of clips from horror films played through your mind. 
Four sets of eyes darted around, looking out windows and the front door, waiting for some masked killer to seep through the walls.
Bang!
You all screamed as Johnny flew through the door, clutching his stomach. 
“We have to go now!” He grunted. Blood was pouring between his fingers.
“Oh my god. What happened? Where’s Ceilidh?”
“Dead… fuck.. She’s fucking dead. Fucker came in through the window in the bathroom. I tried to fight him off. I’m sorry.” He gulped. “We have to go now!”
“You’re bleeding. Please let me look.” Janie reached out and he pushed her hand away. 
“Don’t have time. We have to go. Get my car keys. I can fit us all.”
“What about everyone else?” You asked. There was so much blood, it was dripping on the floor now. 
“I don’t know… when..when’s the last time you saw anyone?”
There was another scream from outside. Silence took you over again.
“Please… we can get out and get help but we have to go now.” Johnny pleaded. His bright blue eyes were watery and his tan skin was stained red down his legs. 
“I’m going.” Sophia said, grabbing her backpack. “Fuck this. I’m not fucking dying like it’s a movie. We’re all going. Johnny, do you need help?”
“No, I can manage. I need to get my keys though.”
“I have mine. We can just take my car. It’s an SUV.” Sophia urged, crouching down to look out of the door.
“No…no…I…I uh…I have a gun in my car.”
“You brought a fucking gun to camp?” Nat’s jaw dropped. 
“Old shotgun. It works. I’m trained for this. Get to the car and I… I can kill him.”
“You’re bleeding out, Johnny.” Janie cried, reaching for him again and once again being pushed away. 
“Come with me.” Johnny looked at you.
“I…I…I don’t know.” You were shaking. It didn’t seem real. Too cliche. A real life spree killer running around the woods of a Summer camp. Sophia was right, you didn’t want to die like it was some movie. 
“He knows I’m weak. He’ll go after me first. We’ll get my keys and if he shows up… you take them and run.”
“You..can’t sacrifice yourself.” Your voice warbled.
“It was my job to do that. If I can’t die saving my country, I’d like to die saving a group of pretty girls.”
Johnny was pleading. He seemed to know he couldn’t do it on his own. You thought about Ale saying you needed to stand up for yourself more. You never did. You didn’t stand up to bullies in high school, rogue professors in college or shitty demeaning bosses. You didn’t even stand up for yourself when Ale said he wanted a break. 
Nat was saying how you should all just run to Sophia’s car. She had her keys. Sophia was agreeing. Janie was crying silently. 
“I’ll go.” You forced the words out like vomit. It was that or actual vomit.
“Okay.” He almost smiled. “Sophia, turn off the lights. We’ll give you a signal when it's safe to come out. Then we all run to the parking lot.”
“What’s the signal?” Janie sobbed.
“I’ll whistle.”
You were shaking so much you worried you’d fall right down the front steps of the cabin. Johnny was in front of you, shoulders hunched up, his eyes darting everywhere. Sophia turned off the lights, leaving the two of you in near darkness. The fire was nothing more than orange smoldering logs. 
“You seem like you’ve done this before.” You said quietly, finding yourself holding the bottom hem of his shirt. 
“Like I said. It was my job.”
You walked on your tiptoes, trying not to make any noise. Your heart cried for the others. Even if you didn’t know them. You didn’t hear or see anyone. Maybe they all got out? They escaped already…or the killer was chasing them deeper into the woods.
You didn’t want to die. In the movies it always seemed so prolonged. The stabbings and bleeding out. Johnny had been hurt and he was still going on, trying to save you and everyone else. 
“Stay here. I’ll go check to make sure it's clear.” He said. You’d made it to his cabin, whole body still shaking just on his porch now. Your heart leapt into your throat as the door creaked open. 
“Be careful, please.”
He winked at you before heading in. You picked at the skin around your nails, a nasty old habit that you tried so hard to kick. You could forgive yourself for this relapse. It seemed an appropriate time to scratch out anxiety.
The step behind you creaked. Any light from the fire was blocked out. A arm wrapped around your neck and pulled you flush with a wall of muscle. You screamed for Johnny as a knife cut into your stomach.
It hurt worse than you thought it would. He was stabbing you over and over. All those movies and none prepared you for the sound that came from being stabbed yourself. The rush of blood in your head. You kicked and scratched the best you could, catching the gap of skin between his gloves and sleeves. Flesh caught under your nails and tore. The knife cut sideways across your stomach. Something wet and heavy hit the floor by your feet.
“Fucking cunt.” The man growled. You could have thrown up if it didn’t feel like your stomach had been torn open. 
You hit the porch face first, no strength left to even try to hold yourself up. Blood pooled in your mouth. He stepped around you and in the corner of your eye you could make him out. 
Large, well over six feet and bulky with large shoulders. A half skull mask covered the top part of his face. His head was buzzed. He had a hunting knife in his hand and it dripped your blood onto the wood and onto your face. 
“Johnny!” Your killer called. You’d doomed him too. He could have gotten away. Johnny would die and it would be your fault. They all would now and it was your fault. 
You closed your eyes as the throbbing subsided. You didn’t want to listen. He was so nice. He didn’t deserve it.
You didn’t deserve this. 
You closed your eyes and let yourself slip away. 
You heard music. Loud obnoxious music and singing from an off key baritone scot.
You opened your eyes and you were in your sleeping bag in your cabin. It was Sunday morning again. 
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Shout out to @ceilidho for being an inspiration to me to write darker fics and letting me use her name for a counselor.
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thirstywoso · 3 months
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Roses have thorns // Jessie Fleming x reader | part one
Preseason meetings
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A/N this will probably have multiple parts to it, soft, fluffy, angst maybe smut depends where it goes
Warning: none for this one
This is only short and introductory next parts will get more into it, wc: 1.5k
Part two
The first session of preseason was a struggle considering you'd only landed late last night after spending the off season back in your hometown. Like any professional athlete you had kept up with your fitness regime and was active even though you didn't have training, still you wasn't expecting to get so much of a sweat on. Then again it was always tough coming back into such physical training, you never did understand why the coaches went straight into the hard stuff instead of some prehab and gentle exercises.
Something you had missed about being at Portland was the amazing food that the team chef made. There was always an array of different choices and all of them were good. Delicious in fact. The other thing you liked about lunch was sitting with your teammates and catching up. Today you were particularly excited for as you hadn't seen much of your friends being back in London the last few months, not to say you didn't keep in touch it was just better in person. You were sat on your usual table when Janine walked up to the table to sit down.
Janine was your best friend at Portland, she took you under her wing and showed you around when you'd made the move over from Man City. She was a familiar face and your bond became even stronger once in the States. As she joined you, you saw a small figure behind her who shyly sat down.
"This is Jessie" Janine hummed as she picked up her fork putting some scrambled eggs into her mouth.
"She's on the Canadian National team with me" she carried on as she swallowed.
You let out a short laugh "I know who she is Becks, I've played her enough times when she was at Chelsea."
"And even if I didn't know her from back then she's the captain of Canada and a midfield prodigy, plus Rob did introduce her to the team this morning"
Janine rolled her eyes "I know I was just introducing you to each other, I don't know if you've ever officially met. With it being her first day I thought she could sit with us"
"You know I'm right here" Jessie mocked as she stuck her hand in your direction
"Nice to officially meet you y/n"
You shook her hand and exchanged pleasantries, Janine had told you that Jessie hadn't found a place since making the move from Chelsea and that she was staying in the spare room of her apartment.
By the end of lunch you had planned to grab coffee with both of them after training and head to Janine's place to relax and catch up.
Jessie seemed easy enough to get on with and you found yourself looking at her a few times during lunch noticing how her dark curls were swept up out of her face and her cheeks were freckled with a slight pink tint to them. Something about her made it hard to tear your eyes away.
After lunch you had filed into the gym with the other girls, as soon as you saw the cones set out you internally groaned knowing what was coming.
The dreaded beep test, looking around the room you could see the other girls having a similar reaction. All but one, Jessie was sporting a wide grin.
"Clearly you've never done this before or you're just crazy Fleming" You joked.
"Oh I've done this plenty of times, I'm just really good at it"
"Is that so?"
"Yup" she popped the p not breaking eye contact with you.
"I bet I can last longer than you!"
"What's the forfeit?" Her eyebrow raised as she asked.
"Loser buys coffee later"
"You've got yourself a deal y/l/n"
You shook hands and lined up with the other girls.
The test started and it seemed easier than usual, you smiled to yourself knowing this would be an easy win.
As it became more intense you saw more and more of your teammates dropping out and soon it was just you and Jessie left.
Your lungs began to feel that familiar burn, one that you sometimes craved when you wanted to forget about something and worked out hard to clear your mind.
After a few more rounds your vision started to blur and even though you were usually stubborn you stopped doubled over with your hands on your knees gasping for air.
Jessie swanned over placing one hand on your shoulder and her other sticking out towards you as you straightened up. You shook her hand without saying anything.
"Well played y/n, do you want my coffee order now or later?"
You just rolled your eyes still not fully catching your breath.
"I'll get you next time" you finally managed to huff out
Jessie just giggled to herself
You showered up and got changed after training. You had cycled there as did Jessie and Janine. Collectively realising it was bad idea when your legs were too heavy to ride back home.
You opted to walk to the coffee shop and get the bikes tomorrow. Fortunately your apartment that was only a few blocks from Janine's wasn't much more than a 15 minute walk.
On the corner of your block there was a coffee shop that you and Janine would frequent.
"This is Charlie's, they have the best coffee and pastries in all of downtown Portland" you stated matter of fact to Jessie as you held the door open for them both.
As promised you bought Jessie's coffee and wasn't surprised to see that it was a fairly basic coffee order other than a shot of vanilla. Yours being *your regular drinks order*. You'd also picked up some pastries, insisting that Jessie try them.
Just as you thought Jessie enjoyed her coffee and the pastries, well mostly.
"Okay so first you have a croissant" you looked at her expectantly as she took a bite and gave it a 5 out of 5
Next she tried a pain au chocolat, again that got full marks.
The final item was a cheese twist, Jessie took a bite and contemplated for a moment before giving it a 3
"A 3?! A 3!?"
"You must be out of your mind!"
"It's the best pastry they have going" You continued on.
"Oh no" Janine hid her face in her hands
"It's not bad. It's just not what I'd chose"
You held onto your chest and feigned hurt
"I can't believe you'd insult Charlie's cheese twists like that"
Janine rolled her eyes "don't worry she's alway this dramatic"
"Oh I can already tell" Jessie laughed
You'd only met Jessie properly for the first time a few hours ago but you already knew you enjoyed her little laugh and the way her soft hands felt in yours those few times she shook your hand.
On the way to Janine's you stopped at your apartment to change into some more relaxed clothing as you knew you'd probably just be sprawled on her couch the rest of the evening.
It was almost as if you hadn't been away for the last few months, you easily fell into conversation about anything and everything. Learning more about Jessie and also what your best friend had been up to on her break.
Jessie had told you about some of her hobbies and passions. One of which being photography, she had shown you some of the photos she had taken back in London and at home in Canada.
"Wow Jess, these are seriously impressive"
"Thanks" she blushed
"No honestly, it could be a career after you've finished playing" you complimented
"Have you ever been to the Japanese garden here? It's beautiful" you said after thinking for a second
"I haven't actually" Jessie stood up and opened the door to her room and you peered in after her
"As you can see by the boxes I've not been here long"
"So you've never been to Portland before?"
"Other than to sign the paper work where I was pretty much in and out" she began
"Then I got here two days ago and have been so busy sorting out my boxes and getting a new phone etc set up, you know how it is moving to the states after being in the UK" she explained
"I don't envy you, trying to sort my bank and phone plan out when I came over here was rough"
"Same when I came to Portland, yet it still hasn't made it easier to help Jessie" Janine sighed.
"Luckily I'm almost sorted now and will be able to actually see some of the city"
"Well, if you're not up to anything on Thursday we have a day off and I can give you a tour if you like?" You said thoughtfully
You remembered what it was like to be new in the city and wanted Jessie to feel welcome.
"Sounds good to me! You wanna come to J?"
"I'm actually going out with Ethan to run some errands but rain check?" She apologised
"Yeah no worries eh"
As you looked back from Janine to Jessie your eyes widened when you saw the clock.
"Oh shoot is that the time? I better get going" gathering your stuff you got up and headed towards the door
"Sorry girls but I better get back and to bed it's already late and we have training tomorrow"
"Jessie, we can talk more about plans at lunch" You excused yourself and returned to your own apartment.
Today had been long and you were finally relived to be back in your Portland bed that you'd missed so much whilst you were away.
You popped your phone on charge as you got into bed, setting your alarm. As you were about to put it down a notification popped up.
[y/n_y/l/n4] _jessflem started following you.
You smiled to yourself and followed her back before placing your phone on your bedside table and rolling over falling asleep.
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youkah · 8 months
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Help a trans Texan move to Canada
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Hi everyone, my name is Cal. I'm a trans disabled Texan who is saving up to move to Canada with his boyfriend, not only to be with him but to escape a toxic/borderline abusive household. I have a guaranteed place to stay, but the issue is saving up for the time I won't have a job, since I have to pay for medication still and cover other expenses.
I work two jobs currently, both are contracts that end in May, so I'm hoping to start the moving process by June, if possible. Like mentioned, I'm disabled and use a walker, and at the moment while in America I'm seeing many specialists to try and figure things out, and the costs do add up, so if I get money to help save for the move, it'll be easier on my paychecks when I have to go to the doctor.
My goal right now is $2000 USD, but it may increase as time goes on. On my Kofi there's a goal tracker that shows how much I have left to raise.
I don't expect to raise money from just donations, I'm also taking commissions which are linked on my Kofi if it interests anyone. My art blog is @psychedex
Kofi link
PayPal link
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purpleyoonn · 1 year
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baby (you complete us) 11
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C H A P T E R   E L E V E N
Summary: Soulmates were a common occurrence, so common, in fact, that the world sought an easier way to find your other half: A bracelet that would scan your mark and match you with those who shared your mark. Within recent years, soul groups were becoming normal, and your own bracelet said you have seven matches.
Or where you wear your bracelet for ten years, and finally give up the hope you would find your soul group, only for BTS to put theirs on and see what they were missing.
Genre: soulmate au, idol au, angst, fluff, eventual smut,
Pairing: Idol BTS x Disabled MC
Warnings: angst, mentions of depression, disabled mc (Ehlers Danlos syndrome), eventual smut, fluff, lots of fluff, mentions of disability, simp bangtan
Chapter Warnings: protective bangtan, anxious mc, mc makes some friends, talk of injury, 
*Words in Italics are spoken/written in Korean*
beta’d/edited by the lovely @babyarmybias
masterlist // chapter 10 // chapter 12
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Previously on baby (you complete us):
When you finally pulled away, Jungkook leaned forward, trying to follow your lips. You were sat on his lap, his hands resting on your waist. You didn’t say anything, just stared at one another, trying to breathe and grasp what just happened.  After a couple of seconds, you break out into a large grin, moving forward and hiding your head in his chest.
Jungkook laughs at your reaction, wrapping his arms around your back and holding you close. He wears the biggest grin on his lips as he hears your laughter spilling from you. Your soul was warm, body filling with unrestrained happiness. It felt as though one hole in your heart had been filled, filled by the man you were laying with, laughing as if someone told a good joke.  
This laughter was different though.
It was pure happiness.
“Alright, we have some vending machines over here, and a little way down, there is a little café that Yoongi likes to get americanos from when it gets late.”
You had arrived with Jungkook after being dropped off by the lovely Songun. It was a little pass nine am and the boys were all slowly trickling into the building. However, instead of moving to the practice room the boys had booked, Jungkook decided to take you on a small tour of the floor, showing you where everything was and giving little tidbits of the boys while you walked.
You were shocked by the number of things they had on the practice floors. Each floor had a small nook where they could pick up fresh snacks like veggie and fruit cups. They also had refrigerated drink stands that had a wide variety of drinks. All four practice floors also had a small café towards the middle of the floor, something Jungkook was excited about.
“I guess I should have brought my card?” You thought aloud once you saw the little fresh fruit cups.
“Baby, you never need to worry about using your money when you’re with us. I can promise the others will get a little upset that you think you need to. Also, everything on the practice floors is free. Well, for us, since we own a lot of shares in the company. Which means you don’t ever need to pay for anything in the company.” Your eyes widen at his words. Everything the boys say or do just keeps surprising you, to the point where your eyes might permanently widen.
“Oh.” you whisper, reaching out slowly to grab a little cup of watermelon, still thinking that someone was going to make you pay for them, popping up from behind the cart.
Jungkook just laughed, thinking you were unbelievably cute and innocent. He couldn’t stop looking at you, happy and excited to be able to be with you and get to know you. He already noticed that you stick your tongue out a little when concentrating, and that your nose scrunches up like his when you laugh.
He noticed that you also tend to pick at your fingers when you’re nervous something that had him moving to hold your hand. Which is what he did when you realized no one was going to come after you to pay for your fruit.
“C’mon baby, I bet the others are already in the practice room getting ready.” Jungkook began to tug you forward to the room. He could feel the pad of your pointer finger rubbing over the top of his hand; a soothing movement, he realized.
I don’t care as long as she is with me. Jungkook thought.
Out of their soulmate group, Jungkook had been the most eager to find you. You were only a couple months apart and to know that he had spent the last ten plus years with their soulmates, enjoying life and the bond between them, while you had none of that, it had him aching to make it up to you. He had so much love to spread, and to have a younger soulmate who he could take care of and protect like his hyungs did with his made his soul sing.
Jungkook wanted to show you how great love and the soul bond could be.
In the hopes of getting your spirit up again, Jungkook began to swing your arms, slowly at first and then faster until your arms were going above your heads and your laughter could be heard from the practice room down the hall. Jungkook began skipping in place, going at your pace until you reached the practice room, door already open and Jimin and Hoseok peaking their heads out.
“Ahh there’s our baby soulmates!” Jimin exclaims, reaching out to Jungkook and pulling him in for a hug.
“Did you two have fun last night?” Hoseok comes and pulls you into his arms, squeezing you tightly as he walks backwards into the practice room where the rest of your soul group were.
“He watched Bride of Habaek with me!” You exclaimed, excited that you had someone to watch Kdramas with you. “And we had lots of cuddles. Jungkook is good at cuddling.” You felt so comfortable that you couldn’t help but to spill everything.
Well, not everything, as Jungkook seemed to beat you to the final punch.
He pulled away from Jimin and pulled you out of Hoseok’s arms, planting a big smooch on your lips and pulled away laughing at your shocked expression. “You’re spilling all the secrets!” Jungkook managed to say through laughter.
The rest of the boys were shocked, completely speechless, as they witnessed Jungkook kiss you. They weren’t expecting it, even with the soul pull they knew you experienced the previous night. In fact, they assumed you wouldn’t let them show you affectionlike that for a few months. They didn’t want to push you, but they now realized they shouldn’t have underestimated the soul bond.
“Hey now! No more kisses until we finish practice!” Jin yelled out, stomping his feet dramatically and stealing the attention from your blushing form.
When he caught your eye, he winked at you, not the normal one you’ve seen so many times on camera, but one letting you know he knew how you weren’t ready for everyone to try and shower you in the affection Jungkook was so easily able to give you. You nodded your head in thanks, moving to the side so you didn’t get in the way as they started to set up for practice.
You weren’t sure what song they were practicing, or what they were practicing for. You tried to get the answers out of Jungkook, but he still held that shit-eating bunny grin on his lips which irritated the hell out of you. Not even kisses seemed to get him to give up the so called “secrets of practice”.
Yoongi came over to you as the boys began to stretch, taking your hand and leading you to a nice little sofa that sat off to the side in the back of the room. He sat down with you and turned towards the small, circular designed table that was to your right. He handed you a small gift bag and gestured for you to open it.
The bag held a cropped t-shirt with the word “Bangtan” on it in a design you didn’t recognize. The image was similar to the Army and BTS symbols but like it was smooshed together. It looked really cool and you could tell this was new.
“This is what we are practicing. Since we’ve returned from the army, we have wanted to do a tour representing our time as Bangtan, and everything we have done in our ten years. Since this coming year, 2023, will be our ten year anniversary, we want to do collective world tour. Songs from each of our albums.” Yoongi’s voice is low, as if telling you a secret, despite everyone in the room already knowing about it. You hold the shirt in your hands, unable to believe that they are already planning a tour since they have only been out of the army for a couple of months.
The boys had enlisted in the army as a soul group in June of 2020, during the pandemic. They wanted to give Army one last festa as a group before their enlistment, so they waited until June 22nd of that year. This meant they had only been out of their enlistment since March of this year, 2022. It was almost August now and the weather was only getting colder as fall began to arrive.
“We have a couple of new songs, one of which Army has waited a long time for. But our album is going to be called ‘Proof’, as proof that we are still here, we are still a group even after coming back. We also have solo songs we are going to introduce from our own solo projects.” Your eyes widened at his words, shocked and excited at the prospect of their solo endeavors.
“The shirt is a pre-release that the boys and I have received in order to see if we like it or not. We wanted to give you one as well. Jiminie and Taehyungie said you had a lot of crop tops in your bags so we picked this one for you.” Yoongi told you, reminding you how Jimin had picked your outfit our for you the day before.
To be honest, you packed a lot of crop tops because you get hot easily, even in colder weather. You always have. You didn’t know what your plans were going to be, but you always pick comfort over fashion and brought enough for you to wear every day for two weeks. You, however, did not feel comfortable enough with your body to wear them in public, let alone in front of the boys yet.
“Thank you, Yoongi. I appreciate the gift.” You feel so lucky to have the boys as your soulmates. They were so thoughtful and seemed to want to include you in everything. You lean forward and kiss his cheek, pulling away before putting the shirt back in the bag.
Yoongi, on the other hand, was a blushing mess. For once it wasn’t you that was flustered this time. He couldn’t help but smile wide at your kiss, even if it was on his cheek.
“Yah! Yoongi-hyung stop sitting and come practice so we can take our girl to dinner later!” Taehyung yelled out, his voice reverberating throughout the room as he interrupted your small bubble.
The rest of your soul group laughed when they saw you both blushing. Yoongi rolled his eyes before leaning forward and returning the favor, kissing your cheek with a loud smack before jogging off and getting into the practiced formation as the music starts.
The music starts with a really cool guitar riff, extremely upbeat and you could tell this was one of the new songs. The song could have been Fire’s younger sibling, the style seemed close. Yoongi started off the song and oh. my. goodness. You knew for a fact that this song was going to drive Army insane. Absolutely insane.
You needed them to practice this seven times, so you could focus on one member each time. You were especially in love with the chorus. You almost couldn’t help but clap after the song was over, eyes lit with excitement.  
“I…oh my. Oh my. That was…..amazing!” You tried not to shout out the last word as the boys turned to look at you, Yoongi’s signature smirk resting on his lips.
“You liked it, baby?” Namjoon asked you, knowing how dumb his question was as your excitement was written all over your face.
“Of course! That might be one of my favorite songs yet!” Namjoon chuckled, glad that they could make their soulmate happy.
“Well, we want to surprise you with our other songs later. Are you okay with having Songun take you exploring? Maybe to the café?” Namjoon held your hands in his, noticing your excitement die a little at not being able to see the rest of their practice. But you understood completely.
“No, that’s fine. I want to share the excitement with Army! I’ll bring you guys something back from the café!” You grab your things and put your lanyard over your head as Jin tells you that Songun should be in the hallway waiting for you.
After tons of goodbye hugs, you finally left the practice room only to see that Songun was not in the hallway. You almost turned back to the room, to see what you should do, but you didn’t want to bother the boys when they obviously had things they needed to do. So, you put your big girl pants on and decided to try and navigate the building by yourself. You didn’t want to have to rely on someone else to help you forever.
You decide to turn left, after doing eenie-meenie-minie-mo, your eyes alert as you try to take everything in and remember the way you came so you can get back to the practice room. You only see a couple of empty practice rooms before you turn the corner and bump into someone’s chest.
“Oof! I’m sorry.” You apologize as soon as it happens out of instinct.
“It’s okay.” You were a little proud that you remembered your Korean and was able to understand what the man was saying, but you froze once you recognized the familiar voice.
Choi Soobin was standing in front of you with the rest of Tomorrow x Together behind him. They looked like they were just finishing their practice, sweat dripping from their hairlines.
“Oh! Y/n noona! I’m so sorry!” You were shocked by the honorific, not having heard it yet, let alone expecting to be addressed by it. You watched as the boys all began bowing to you, giving you their greetings.
“It’s okay. Please, you don’t need to bow!” You panic a little, the entire situation being new to you. You weren’t quite comfortable with this part of the Korean culture yet. In your own culture, greetings are done with handshakes, especially when first meeting someone, so it’s gonna take some getting used to.
Once the boys stopped bowing, they introduced themselves one by one, Heuning Kai going last.
“We were so happy when we saw the announcement. It’s nice to know our hyungs soul group is complete now.” He spoke in English, making your body relax a little given you still were in the beginning stages of learning Korean. He then looked behind you, noticing no one with you and the slightly lost look on your face.
“Noona, are you lost?”
“Uhm, I was trying to find the café.”
“We can take you noona! We were just heading that way!” Soobin spoke and Heuning Kai repeated his words in English for you as Yeonjun put his arm around your shoulders and turned you around. So, maybe your eenie-meenie-minie-mo tactic hadn’t been the best idea after all. You laugh a little nervously at yourself before letting them guide you to the café.
“So, Noona. How are you liking Korea so far?” Yeonjun asks you as you walk back down the hallway.
“I like it so far. I got to do a little exploring my first day before meeting the boys in person. I went to a convenience store and made one of those videos like on TikTok!” You bring your phone out and show them the video, receiving “oohs” and “ahs” from the boys.
“You haven’t done anything else? How long have you been here?”
“I’ve only been here a couple of days. I’ve spent most of the time bonding with my soulmates. We also had an appointment with the Soul Registry to finalize our bond officially.” You tell them, the boys listening with full attention.
You found yourself feeling comfortable with the younger group as you all walked to the café. You didn’t find yourself stuttering with nerves or quiet with anxiety. It was nice and the boys were all so attentive and full of life. It was a nice change from what you were used to at home, and you felt yourself growing to think of the boys like little brothers.
You even found yourself going along with their antics, letting them convince you to learn the choreography to their new song and film a TikTok with them. It took you a lot of tries but you managed to learn the choreography without hurting yourself. You felt your right knee giving you a little trouble but you pushed it aside in favor of having fun with the boys.
“Thank you for doing this, Noona! We will tag you when it gets posted!” Yeonjun exclaims once you were done filming in front of one of the portraits outside of the café.
“Thank you! It was fun. I could really go for a drink now though!” You laugh as the boys agree with your statement, Taehyun and Soobin pulling your arms and dragging you into the café.
Next Chapter
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sleepymccoy · 7 months
Text
Please choose your favourite of my (imo) niche star trek headcanons
Now that I'm writing these, I wonder if any of them are straight up canon that I've forgotten lol
I'm gonna further defend my headcanons under a readmore, but it's up to you if you want to read that or just vote on the summary 😘
Scotty's actor is Canadian. Also he's so Scottish? Like, he's called Scotty, he drinks scotch, he is Scottish, so on. Too much. I think he has Scottish heritage, maybe his mum is Scottish, so he knows the phrases and his accent work is comedic but solid. But he himself was born in like Quebec
I have a whole post on McCoy's ex wife being Vulcan, it rules, give it a read here
The way America crumbles in trek history I think opens them up to invasion. I don't think Russia is still in charge, I think they've moved on from that and country borders are less political more cultural in TOS times. But I think briefly Russia had everything and Chekhov is joking about that when he says shit like that saying is Russian. We know, Chekhov, everything was Russian once, get over it. His joke is less about things being Russian and more like someone making the same joke about how everything was Roman once
TOS writers had a little cheat sheet of characterisation rules I saw here once and one said that Sulu has many varying interests, so if you need an info dump that's not one of the other main guys things, use him. So I've taken that and gone with he isn't actually into plants, it was just a six month project to better learn how to take care of them. He spent a lot of time complaining about them to Chekhov. Basically a hyper fixation and once he figured it out he lost interest, but retained all the knowledge
Cos Rand has that trick of heating up the coffee with a phaser on low. That's resourceful with ship technology that uses batteries, not mainframe power. I think she knows what matters when a ship breaks, and food and comfort need prioritising cos she grew up on a ship that was always broken. Broken ships are easier to tolerate if the coffee is served hot
I think Chapel's fiance kinda sucks in that ep, even if it was just a robot copy, and I think she loves being in space. I think she feels both relieved and guilty about it all, it's bad
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judysxnd · 1 year
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Hi it's me again
I have an idea for pedro×reader
The reader is an actress and she is going on tour for her new movie so the videos came out of the two of them joking around and her Co star putting his hands on her waist so pedro gets jealous and call her or maybe show up to her hotel
I debated a long time to find a co-star. I didn't want someone too young, but not too close to Pedro, I wasn't happy. So I ended up putting Y/c/n (your co-star's name) Y/c/l/n (your co-star's last name).
I wrote this a long time ago, and I re read it before publishing it. I saw I rushed the end a lot, so I had to write more. I don’t really think I did more but it really felt rush. ANYWAY. Enjoy.
PS: I do not forget about the requests, I already said before that I was taking my time writing them, and that I would write them by the inspirations and ideas, not by date. Also, this past month I was trying to write most of them before publishing progressively because I didn’t want to be overwhelmed by the requests, but it’s really hard, I still have like 6 requests! Don’t worry I’m on it! The requests are still open. Thank you for everything!!
———————————————————————————
"Today we're in the company of Y/n L/n and Y/c/n Y/c/l/n for their latest movie coming out on the 1st of August." The interviewer said to the camera. "Hi" she said this time to the both of you.
"Hey" you said in unison
"How are you doing today?"
"We're great" you said with a big smile "How are you doing?"
"I'm great thank you!" She looked at her papers. "So.." she looked up at the both of you. "Pretty excited about the premiere?"
"Oh yes!" you enthusiastically said, moving your arms up, almost hitting your co-star, making him laugh
"A little too much, I am scared for my life" he joked, pretending to be scared and moving a bit away from you
"Oh come on" you laughed, hugging him from the side "why are you acting like I hit you" you were both laughing. You pretended to hold his neck
"She is very nice and gentle with people" your co-star said to the camera. Everyone was laughing
"Okay let's be serious for a second" you said, sitting straight on your chair
"So yeah you seem pretty excited" the lady said laughing
"Yeah" you chuckled "yeah" you said again more seriously
"The story is set in strong environments, was it hard to film in those different places?"
"For me it was in Egypt." Your co-star started to answer. "It was too hot"
"Too hot?" You asked confused "like the negative temperatures we had in Canada were nothing?" you chuckled
"all of them were challenging, but it was better in Canada then in Egypt"
"oh hell no, it was better in Egypt, living in the cold out there, no thank you"
"It's easier to get warm than to get cold"
"true, but it's too cold outside you can't do anything but stay inside"
"Same with both" you co-star kept going
"We're having a huge debate" the interviewer added in between
"no, you can do things outside, also you wear less clothes, you can tan, eat outside and swim, you know, just little pleasures" you listed "I can add more things if you want" you said, turning a bit towards your co-star.
"no no I think we get it" he laughed "you win"
"as usual" he tilted his head
"sure sure" he said patting your thigh "what makes you feel better"
"oh shut up" you both laughed
"You seem to have a great chemistry, did you hit it off right away?" your co-star put his harm on the back of your chair, making him turn a bit towards you. You looked at each other.
"Yeah I think so" he said
"What do you mean 'I think so'?" you laughed
"Well, we met at the read-through, we had to get into our characters right away, at first we mostly filmed during the time"
"oh yeah yeah"
"and we were simply like filming-eating-sleeping" you chuckled "so we didn't have time like to really know each other at first"
"yes that's true"
"I see" the interviewer said "but it didn't change anything for the chemistry in the movie?"
"no not really" you said" we're professionals" you joked. Your co-star was looking at you, eyeing your face. And that's when he couldn't take it anymore. Pedro closed his computer, rolling on the bed to get up. He sighed, then left the bedroom.
He missed you like crazy. You left two weeks ago on tour for your new movie and he was struggling. While you were filming the movie, he was at home, and while you were finally home, he had to leave to film too. You were both busy, and the only thing that kept you in touch was mostly texting and some phone calls here and there. When you both got back, three days later you were already gone on tour.
And now Pedro was home alone, missing you, and seeing you being close to your co-star like that made him pretty jealous to say the least. He isn't able to make you laugh, to touch you, and he can? That's the perks of being actors you might say, and yes that's true. But sometimes it doesn't make it easier.
Once Pedro was in the living room, he grabbed his phone, and tried to call you. It was ringing for a long time, he didn't think he would get you, but you finally picked up.
"Hi baby" your soft voice made his heart beat fast. He wasn't thinking rationally anymore, he had to do something, he couldn't take it anymore.
"Where are you staying for the week?" he quickly said, hoping he could join you, but fearing the answer, like you would be moving in another country for the next interviews, or that you would just say no.
"hum, wait I don't know the name of the hotel" he could hear you get up. You were probably in bed. "It's the Hestia hotel, actually not far from the airport" you paused "why? are you planning to come?" Pedro heard the excitement in your voice, reassuring him a bit.
"Yes, I don't have anything planned for the next week and I miss you so I wanted to join you, if you want to"
"of course I want to! I miss you too much" your voice gave a hint of sadness. "It's been some hectic days here, and it's been too long without you"
"tomorrow I'm here"
"good" there was a pause
"I'll see you tomorrow cariño"
"can't wait" he knew you were smiling "I love you"
"I love you too" you both hang up, going back onto your lives. Pedro already felt better after the call. He was getting very excited. The next hours were going to pass slowly as he couldn't wait to finally be with you.
Hours went by and Pedro managed to fall asleep pretty quickly, but moved a lot during the night. He woke up at 6am and left to the airport around 7:30am to get on his plane an hour later. He arrived a few hours later. As he was walking towards the exit, he noticed someone he knew. It was you. Neither of you said anything about picking him up at the airport, but you couldn't wait, even for just a few minutes more.
He stopped when he saw you, relieved. You were there, standing in front of him. He dropped his luggage when you ran to him. He picked you up in his arms and held you tight.
"finally" he muttered. Once he decided to let go, he kissed you passionately, his hands on your cheeks. It felt surreal. You saw it in his eyes when he looked at every detail on your face, as he still held it. Your hands were on his waist, and you brought him closer to hug him again. You left the airport hand in hand, feeling nothing but happiness. You were finally reunited, and it was going to be at least longer than before.
“What made you come so suddenly anyway?” You asked as you both entered the car.
“Hum, I just missed you a lot” he half-lied. It was true, he missed you too much, it was unbearable, but he also couldn’t stand having someone else touch you and be close to you like your co-star did.
Pedro thought he got away with it, but when he turned to look at you, you were eyeing him. You do know him too well.
“I appreciate it but I can feel that’s not the only reason” you stared at each other
“How’s Y/C/N?” He tried to change the subject
“Oh he’s fine, we were about to have a little dinner together”
“Just the two of you?” He shyly asked, feeling his confidence running away. You started to drive back to the hotel.
“Yes, and then we were thinking about heading to bed you know to have a little fun” he looked at you with big wide eyes. “So that’s the other reason” you joked
“What?”
“My big jealous man” you said caressing his chin for a second
“You weren’t really going to go to bed with him, yeah okay I see the sarcasm” he rolled he eyes, looking at the road, avoiding you.
“I’m not cheating on you Pedro”
“I am not doubting you”
“But you flew to another country because you trust me so much”
“I trust you” he immediately looked at you “it’s the others that I don’t trust”
“Like who?”
“Like Y/c/n? I saw the interview, hands on your thighs, the way he looked at you”
“He doesn’t even stand a chance” you joked
“That’s not the problem, he won’t stop”
“He is just being friendly” you looked at him from time to time
“I’m sorry, it’s just- I didn’t get to see you a lot, I really missed you and it drove me crazy seeing this” you put your hand on his thigh
“I know I know, and I missed you more” his heart was beating fast because of nervousness. He hated feeling vulnerable, but especially showing it to you. Jealousy can be perceived badly, like not trusting the person and such, but it’s not true.
Once you arrived at the hotel, you were met with your co-star on your way to your bedroom. He did seem confused and a little sad when you cancelled the dinner with him. But none of you talked about it and decided to move on about that. If he was interested he definitely knew he had no chance now.
The next few days have been perfect. It was getting calmer, and the fact that Pedro was here helped you a lot. You didn't have this anxiety of being away anymore. Pedro wasn’t feeling jealous anymore but he was still watching your co-star from a distance. At the end of the week you were getting nervous because Pedro was about to leave again. But, as a surprise (not really you discussed it), he actually stayed longer. He had nothing to do that couldn't be done on the phone or on the computer, so he stayed for the rest of the tour.
Being in each other’s presence was helping you. He calmed your anxiety, and he was reassured and not jealous anymore.
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opinated-user · 6 days
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I feel like it's time to shine a light on MOs immigration again:
For the uninitiated: November 2022 is when LO asked her fans to donate money for this process. December 2023 is when one fan finally asked what happened to the money (they gave a good amount) and LO claimed they had at this point submitted all the necessary paperwork and are in the background stage. It is Now September 2024.
All the following information is taken directly from the official Canadian government page:
1. During the pandemic average waiting times spousal immigration was around 12 months, it has since gone down to ten. MOs immigration therefore should be going through within the year.
2. Once you've submitted your paperwork you are eligible to apply for a working visa, that is easier and quicker to get than normal if you link it to your immigration, and move to and work in Canada. This will also show the authorities that you are willing and able to support yourself in your new home, thus have a positive impact on your process.
While we don't know MOs circumstances, she very clearly loves LO and wants to be with her + her living conditions in the US are very bad. So I'd assume she'd want to move asap.
The fact that no further updates have been given to fans who gave them money is already suspicious. Best case scenario these two are not very good at navigating government sites, worst case scenario LO is stringing her along and pocketed the money raised. Also LO claims to have a lawyer on standby, who she could then theoretically consult about any questions about the process. Weird all that.
(while I do not necessarily think moving in with LO would be good for MO, I even more do not want her hopes and dreams crushed)
actually, that is not all. it's my belief that LO not only does not have any intention of moving MO with her, she also has already misused the money that she gained from her followers for her own gain without any disclosure.
in that post i showed, with evidence that i gathered myself and LO herself provided, that is highly likely that LO spend the money from that fundraising on a desk. not only that, at the same time that LO was bragging about getting this new desk (two days after making that fundraising, then lying about it), she was also talking about getting a another desk, a more expensive one, for MO. a desk that only LO would end up using because, again, they don't live together. all of this we were talking about at the start of this year and nothing has changed.
for the record, if LO had just said openly "guys, i need urgently a new desk, i need to use this money", nobody would have a problem with it. if LO had done a fundraising for a new desk in the first place, nobody would care. streamers and youtubers ask donations from their fanbase to get new equipment all the time, that is normal. the lack of transparency is the issue here.
the issue is that LO over two years now promised, both to her audience and to MO, that she'd be working on the immigration process. she used other people's money in order to do that. they deserve to know what happened to that money.
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sysmedsaresexist · 3 months
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As someone who remembers how vile syscourse was just a few years ago, when I heard this blog experienced character devrlopment, I was shocked at first. When I found some posts explaining it, I was even more intrigued.
If anyone is open to it, I wouldn't mind a link to any explanation of how you fell into sysmedicalism and how you started unlearning it. I'm genuinely proud of you for that development, because changing your entire outlook on a topic is difficult, especially when you have people who support that old view but not the new one behind you. This isn't meant to be condescending, in case it is read that way.
Syscourse has only gotten more vile, honestly.
This ask kind of comes at an interesting time. Last night, I made a post about the TPA and my extreme hatred for them (that'll never change), but I linked a post from my second Twitter account, which brought me WAY back to my first active move in syscourse.
First off, hi, it's not condescending. I found it's a lot easier to talk about than I thought it would be. It doesn't hurt as much as I thought to say, "I was wrong and being hard-headed." I was expecting ego death, but instead, everyone has been so kind.
I was asked what made me switch sides, but as for my humble beginning...
I spent a good couple years just lurking and watching. I was out in therapy and quietly taking all these questions to my therapist. "Are endos real? Is DID really trauma based? Could I be endo? Is that what you become when you heal from DID?"
Suffice to say, not the healthiest questions. There was a lot of misinformation out there. Through talking to my therapist, I believed I was in the right, and I debated for a long time getting involved to talk about some of the more prominent myths about DID.
But then.
Then.
I met Bethany.
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Well, I didn't meet her. She blocked me immediately. She was a social worker, and a pro endo, DID system, but I really didn't like the way she talked down to CDD systems.
She was actually huge on Twitter, she had her own website and everything for sex positive therapy, she was doing interviews, she made wild claims about what kind of work she had done in the field, sob stories about clients that didn't make it. She had just started something called the Dissociative Society of Canada.
She was BIG.
And she was a liar.
I'm actually genuinely curious if anyone remembers this, it was seriously a huge, DESTRUCTIVE event to hit BOTH communities.
The Dissociative Society of Canada was real. She started it. But she was not a social worker. Her stories weren't real.
Having done all the same schooling myself, in the same province, with the same rules, I knew she was lying, and I called her out for it.
The pro endo AND CDD community attacked me HARD. I was told I was harassing and stalking, I remember reading the post that called for people to mass report me and I remember the emails starting to flood in from Twitter from countries that required the email be sent for reports. The only posts I had made on Twitter had been about Bethany, but people were talking about who I must be as a person and why I was so angry and jaded and terrible.
Eventually, Bethany admitted it. She never publicly apologized. She made her board of directors do it for her in a letter about shutting down the society (they hadn't known either). I was able to get her listed as an unlicensed therapist to avoid (she's still on there). The Dissociative Society of Canada was shut down after only a year.
And I felt terrible. I hated myself. The posts that came out afterwards about how much people had loved Bethany and how their trust had been destroyed, people that had done therapy with her and were permanently damaged by the lie. She had given a lot of people hope, but it was all a lie.
That was my fault. If I hadn't said anything, I don't think she would have been caught. She was still in school to get her education, she wanted to become licensed, she just wasn't yet.
But it was illegal for her to be providing therapy and telling everyone she was a social worker. She used this title to shut down anyone who disagreed with her, even when she was clearly wrong.
It was a clusterfuck. I came out of it DESPISING endogenic systems for the harassment and misinformation, and the lies about ME. I hated the desire to ignore her unlicensed, illegal actions simply because she had been a prominent voice for the pro endo community (seriously, people wished I hadn't done it, that she had never been called out and had continued her work).
This was my first real interaction with the pro endo community. A lying POS and a bunch of endos lying about me.
I started JAS around that time, and we all know what happened from there. My first post was about the myth of the 10% non-traumagenic in the DSM (it's a misquote).
I don't want to say I wanted to replace Bethany-- I wanted to show how someone who wasn't licensed could still advocate without lies, I wanted to provide that same level of educated discussion, I actually heavily considered putting together a licensed team to start another dissociative society. I debated getting licensed to do it myself.
Unfortunately, life doesn't always work out that way.
I did get her Twitter url out of it when she deleted, though. My trophy.
Ending on a sad note, I suppose.
I was distrusting of the endo community, I was angry. I didn't trust anyone for a long time after this. Who would just go online and lie like that?
It took a really long time to get over it and let go of that anger and hurt.
Remember, don't trust anyone or anything on the internet. Fact check everyone and everything, even if you think you already know the answer, or think you know who someone is.
If she hadn't been such an actual bitch to people, I wouldn't have noticed. Seriously. This was the tweet that caught her, no therapist should talk like this to anyone. The concerns raised in the first image mirrored my own exactly, and I would not have appreciated being spoken to that way. I thought, if she IS licensed, she should be reprimanded. But I couldn't find her license, and thus began the downfall of Bethany Killen.
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TL;dr if you're lying on the internet, be nice to people :)
While I didn't always live up to my own standards of civility (I can admit that), I TRIED to speak to endogenic systems as respectfully as possible, and my only goal was to NOT be like Bethany. Sometimes I failed, but at least I never claimed to be licensed.
The point is that I'm trying to be better every day. Finally admitting that I was pro endo made it a lot easier to be nice. I wasn't trying to hold up this charade anymore.
And finally, I want to remind everyone that it's not just "the other side" that can do damage or spread misinformation. Our own community can do damage if we don't call each other out, too.
The most damaging thing I've ever seen in syscourse came from another CDD system.
I think I've rambled enough, thank you!
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