#so it kind of halfway exists and i know for sure two people want it but it doesn't need to be on ao3 for them

[1mnobodywhoareyou]

okay so question.

if one was to write ralex smut

in the bex verse

but context wasn't *really* necessary

who would want to read it?

[breadbrobin]

the trees

clarisse la rue x reader — percy jackson and the olympians

[fem!daughter of apollo reader]

summary: you have a very specific skill set that helps your team with capture the flag, and clarisse thinks it’s fascinating. in fact, she thinks you’re as fascinating as you think she is.

warnings: swearing, arguments, fighting, PINING, heights i guess (reader is up a tree), possibly ooc clarisse but not too much i hope.

word count: 2.5k

(so the brainrot has (inevitably) spread to clarisse. there’s gonna be a part two to this as well, so lmk if y’all want it (tbh i’ll probably post it anyway but still). oh and also i love her and i am a clarisse apologist and lover until the day i die)

(sort-of-enemies to sort-of-lovers, but more like idiots to pining idiots (in a tree))

(part 2 here)

———————————————

archery wasn’t the only thing you were good at, but it was by far the best thing you were good at. a daughter of apollo: master of archery, mediocre of music and magical at making weird ass noises. bird calls, animal sounds, imitations—you name it, you could do it.

and those were useful tactics in capture the flag, for sure.

annabeth chase was a master strategist, and you had to give it to her: she remembered everyone’s strengths, weaknesses and alliances while you couldn’t even remember what you’d had for breakfast that day.

as always, you were tucked up in a tree, around halfway up. you weren’t too high, so that you could speak and people wouldn’t automatically know you were above them, but you weren’t too low so they couldn’t see you.

you kind of liked being in the trees now. after three years of capture the flag and around six months of freaking out every time you climbed above ten feet, you were finally used to it. it was almost calming; a way for you to relax after a stressful day and pretend that nothing around you existed.

until the red team came by, that is.

that’s what you were waiting for. the flag was around fifty feet to your right. your job was to be a lookout and a distraction.

it was your favourite part of the game, getting to trick people and shoot arrows at them when they came too close, allowing the blue team members around the bottom of your tree to pop out and disarm their opponents.

it wasn’t a trick you used every time—not even the ares cabin are that stupid—but when you did use it, you had the time of your life.

there was a snapping branch to your left. you straightened up from where you were leaning against the tree trunk behind you and peered through the leaves. you were perched on a thick bough, hidden by leaves and branches, but able to see enough through them that you could do your job.

you could hear voices, but you couldn’t see anyone.

you listened carefully. you knew that voice.

you realised with a start who it was.

clarisse la rue.

fucking clarisse, man. she drove you insane. and not for the reason she drove most of camp insane. no, unlike almost everyone else, you were attracted to her. in fact, you were, annoyingly, in love with her, you’d have to admit. it was infuriating.

you could hear her cutting through the forest. it was strange. she didn’t usually come for the flag. usually, she hunted in the woods and caught stragglers. she didn’t want the glory as much as she wanted the fight. to her, winning the battle seemed more important than winning the war.

regardless of why, you could hear her voice. she was talking to her siblings below you, creeping through the foliage.

the sun was warm on your face and you send up a brief prayer to your father.

from your lips slipped an almost perfect impression of your blue team guards. you’d used this trick last game, but clarisse hadn’t been there, so she wouldn’t know. “i can’t believe they put us on guard duty again.”

they all froze in their tracks, looking at each other, then ahead in the opposite direction from the flag.

you held in a snicker. “ugh, yeah, it’s the worst. i mean, why can’t we do anything fun? i wanna fight clarisse!”

you could see the smirk curling on her lips and you had to stop yourself from blushing.

you continued this cat and mouse game. the ares kids below you fanned out, aiming to surround you. it would have been a smart move, if there was actually a flag there and not just a tree.

slowly, they inched in, then leapt out.

“ahh!! you caught us! i’ve been impaled!”

they looked around in fear and confusion but clarisse looked straight up. she always did.

“hey, angel, nice voice,” she mocked. “wanna come on down?”

you shook your head. “no, thanks, i’m comfortable.”

she raised and eyebrow, seeing your arrow drawn and pointed directly at her. “that’s not necessary.”

“isn’t it?” your arrow flew and, though she hit it away, you teammates came pouring out of the foliage, having been waiting for your signal.

a fight ensued. it looked like it was going well for a short while, then the tides turned.

they weren’t as caught off guard as they usually were. hell, clarisse was even smiling!

with what looked like very little effort, the ares campers effectively destroyed your teammates. they were left disarmed and defeated, and you were stuck in a tree. typical.

as her siblings took their weapons, clarisse looked up at you. “you wanna come down now?”

you shook your head. “rather not. the view from up here is pretty good.”

she muttered something to herself, but you couldn’t hear her. then she spoke up. “what if we come up there?”

you drew your bow back immediately and an arrow pierced the dirt right in front of her foot.

she looked down at it, then back up at you, an amused smirk on her face. “right, silly me.”

that surprised you. she was usually cold and cruel in capture the flag, always taking no prisoners and leaving no survivors—in a technical sense. you’d seen people nursing their minor wounds after the games when your siblings forced you to help out in the infirmary (not that you’re much help in there, but regardless), and everyone heard the stories they’d tell of clarisse appearing out of the ferns and attacking ruthlessly. so why was she not being so ruthless today?

she was certainly cruel in her fight against your team members, but any other day, she would have thrown her spear at you or thrown one of your arrows back, or even climbed up anyway. instead, she just smirked up at you, content to wait.

“where’s the flag, bows?” she asked, using a nickname she’d only used a few times, one that referenced both the bows you used and the bows you sometimes put in your hair.

you shrugged. “dunno. they don’t tell me anything. i just get out here and told to be annoying.” your traitorous eyes flickered to the direction of the flag. you’d never been good at lying.

and curse her, clarisse noticed. she always noticed when it came to you, it seemed. whether it was catching you in a lie, catching you when you were admiring her or catching your every move when sparring, she always noticed.

she nodded at her siblings and they moved off. “i’ll wait here. try and flush our squirrel out.”

if they were confused or surprised, they didn’t show it.

once they were gone, clarisse plucked the arrow from the dirt and studied it. “this is new.”

“sam from hephaestus made them,” you said meekly. why would she stay behind? it didn’t make sense. you weren’t a threat, or even a good fight.

her face darkened. “oh. and where is your boyfriend now, then? hm?”

your cheeks flamed. “he’s not my boyfriend.” and it was true. he wasn’t. despite the fact that he liked you and made things for you all the time, your heart was decidedly with another. and she was right below you, tossing your prized arrow aside like an old tissue. “he’s on your team anyway. you should know where he is.”

she smirked again. “oh, yeah. i remember now. that’s right, i sent him to try and get our flag. he didn’t even make it five steps before he was attacked.”

her bitter laugh made your heart clench. was it pity for sam or your feelings for her, or both? you weren’t sure. either way, it was starting to get on your nerves.

it was silent for a long time. she looked up at you every few seconds, then at the tree, like she was gauging how hard she’d have to push you for you to die on impact. her eyes were sharp and her smile was sharper, and fuck you were attracted to her.

you cleared your throat and broke the silence, hearing fighting off in the near distance. you would go and help, but the only way for you to do so would be to tree-hop all the way to the flag, and while you could do it, it wasn’t the best idea. “why did you stay h—what are you doing?” you aimed an arrow at her.

“relax, angel, we both know you won’t actually shoot me.” she was climbing up the tree. fast. “and don’t worry, i’m not gonna push you out or attack you. i don’t like looking up at you.”

call you stupid or whipped or whatever, but you believed her. you lowered your bow but didn’t lessen the tension on your string. she’d almost reached your branch when you swivelled around to face her. you moved fast, your arrow returning to its holster and you body facing the trunk of the tree with your legs swung over each side of the wide bough. your dagger was swiftly removed from its holster and pressed under clarisse’s chin.

she laughed at you.

you faltered slightly. “what?”

“nothing,” she snickered. “i just saw it coming. now scoot back.”

you dropped your dagger and shifted backwards, glad the bough was strong.

she clambered onto your branch easily, sitting facing you with her back against the tree trunk, a smirk on her face.

you sighed bitterly. “you see everything coming.”

she shrugged. “pretty much. but so do you.”

“that’s the gift of divine premonition,” you grumbled. it could be useful sometimes, but all you really got was a sense, a feeling or, occasionally, a single frame of a moment. right now, though, your senses were so clogged with her vanilla-strawberry and leather scent, and with her, that you could hardly think, let alone experience a minor prophecy. not to mention the fact that if you did, you’d probably fall out of the tree.

she shrugged. “isn’t that useful?”

“yeah, when it actually works or doesn’t make me pass out.” you shrugged. “it’s temperamental.”

she hummed in thought, leaning back and crossing her arms. her knees were mere centimetres from yours.

“what are you doing up here, clarisse?” you asked.

she shrugged, but you could see a shift in her demeanour when she said your name. it was like the muscles in her shoulders relaxed for a moment, then tensed again. “didn’t want you to escape.”

“so you let your other prisoners escape?” you gestured to the ground, where your teammates were sitting around fifteen feet from the tree in a circle, plucking the grass.

clarisse raised her eyebrows at you in amusement. “oh, i think they’re fine. they’re too scared of me to do anything, anyway.”

you narrowed your eyes at her. “i don’t think you’re that scary.”

she rolled her eyes. “sure. but everyone else does. so you’re wrong.”

“it was my opinion. my opinion can’t be wrong if it’s my opinion.” that was another thing: you were never one to start an argument, but by god would you escalate it.

“your opinions wrong if i say it’s wrong,” she huffed, her jaw tight.

“not how opinions work, babe,” you said lightly, using your dagger point to carve away at the bark beneath you.

she smacked your hand to stop you. “you’re gonna dull it!”

“the point is already dull!” you protested, poking your finger to show her. it indented, but didn’t draw blood. “see?”

“so, what, you threatened me with a butter knife? i’m offended.”

“it’s the idea of it that cuts deeper anyway. the primal fear of being gutted by a dagger. in capture the flag at least.” you shrugged, carving a wonky flower in the bark. “it’s more about threats than action.”

clarisse rolled her eyes. “and what if a monster comes and attacks you, and all you’ve got is this blunt dagger?”

“you ever seen an archers muscles?” you turned slightly and flexed your shoulders. you could see her eyes follow the sharp lines of your shoulders and back. “i’ll use force. force is more effective than sharpness. you know that.”

“and yet, my weapons are all still sharp.” she snatched the dagger from you and pulled out a whetstone from a pocket in her cargo pants. she began sharpening your blade.

“hey, don’t—“

she smacked your hand with the flat of your own blade when you reached for it, and you withdrawn with a hiss, shaking your hand. she laughed. “i guess force is more important, huh, angel?”

your cheeks were hot. “don’t call me that.”

“why, you worried you might like it?” she looked up, teasing. her eyes narrowed at the look on your face and then she grinned. “you do like it.”

“no. shut up.”

she laughed again, but it was a little softer than usual. she looked back down at the dagger. “did sam make this for you?”

“yeah, w—clarisse!” you gasped as she dropped it off the bough. or, more accurately, threw it off the bough. “what was that for?”

she shrugged. “it’s not that good. i’ll get you a better one from the ares stash. don’t worry.”

you glared at her. “that was mine, though!”

“it was blunt and poorly made,” she protested. “it wasn’t good enough for you.”

the way she said it made you think there was a double meaning there.

“he’s not good enough for you,” she said, softer, proving you right.

your eyes were wide and your cheeks were flaming. “what?”

“you heard me.” her softness was staying, it seemed. if you weren’t mistaken, her hand was reaching for yours. “he’s not. you know he’s not. why do you like him?”

before you could respond, a horn blew in the distance and cheering erupted from around the forest. red team had won.

clarisse didn’t look happy. she leaned back—you hadn’t even realised she’d leaned forward—and glared at the bough between you both.

“congratulations,” you said softly. “you deserved the win.”

“yeah, we did.” her voice carried very little enthusiasm.

you studied her face for a minute, like you were committing every feature to memory. “clarisse…”

she didn’t respond. instead, she swung her leg over the bough and started climbing down. only when she got two branches down did you begin to follow her, hurrying in your attempt to catch up. you couldn’t. no matter how good you were at something, she was better.

she nodded at you as she walked off, your foot caught in a tight spot.

once you’d finally got down, your teammates were surrounding you. some asked you what had happened, some accused you of being a double agent for them, some asked if you were okay.

you answered them all absently as you all walked back towards the stream, but your heart wasn’t in it. what the hell was going on?

you’d reached the stream by the time you realised you’d left your dagger behind, and you were back at your cabin, trying to fall asleep, when you realised that it didn’t bother you at all.

(part 2)

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Emotion

Hey, remember Felix? You know, that minor character who is the entire reason Gabriel has all of Ladybug's other Miraculous? The writers remembered he existed more than halfway through the season.

Let's get into the eighteenth episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fifth season: Emotion

We start off with Marinette and Adrien getting ice cream, and just like last episode, right when they're about to kiss, Adrien stops at the last second. While we don't see it, it's heavily implied that Gabriel is behind this. It turns out that Adrien has to get ready for some dance for rich people. While it has a name and I think it was mentioned in a few earlier episodes this season, it's really just some dance for rich people, so I don't care enough to remember it. Of course, all of the rich characters we know are invited, like Kagami, Chloe, Zoe, and Prince Ali. Lila, on the other hand, wasn't invited. This might sound important, but nothing happens with her until the end.

Zoe isn't going because of the “character development” she's gotten, so she offers to let Marinette wear her dress to the dance, which just so happens to be a masquerade ball. Tikki asks why Marinette even wants to go to this party she wasn't invited to, but all Marinette says is that it's so she can tell Adrien that she didn't have to keep the dance a secret from her. Why didn't Marinette just call Adrien? Because then we wouldn't have a story.

At the ball, Adrien and Kagami are the king and queen or whatever because their parents are really determined to make their ship sail even though the two show no real interest in each other (insert your own joke about the writers here), but they're interrupted by Amelie, Emilie's twin sister and Felix's mom. She's worried because her son has been missing for weeks, but Gabriel couldn't care less about the little twerp.

At the party, we get a somewhat amusing joke where Chloe fails to recognize Marinette under her mask, where Marinette not only says her name is Zoe, but her “underling” is named Chloe too. But speaking of...

Chloe: How rich are your parents? Rich? Very rich? Immensely rich? Of course, otherwise you wouldn't be here! It's too bad we can't bring out underlings with us. I'm sure these tin cans can serve properly but we can't make fun of them! (grabs a drink from a butler robot before kicking it) So lame!

Okay, did the writers just stop caring about writing convincing dialogue for Chloe? This is a problem I've noticed a lot this season. Yeah, Chloe was bad in the last four seasons, but here, she constantly talks about how Sabrina is her “underling” (Passion), or how she finds Marinete's suffering to be amusing (Derision). It's not really out of character, but it's weird how she's so much more blunt when it comes to boasting about how full of herself she is. It feels like a lot of her lines this season were meant to be placeholders for stuff the writers thought they'd change later, but then they decided to keep it in anyway. And of course to show how stuck up the other rich kids saying the same kind of stuff Chloe normally says, which is somehow less subtle social commentary than Hop Pop shouting “EAT THE RICH!”.

Adrien and Kagami talk about how they're expected to follow orders, while pretty much saying that Kagami is a Sentimonster since the camera really wants to show off her ring.

Oh wow. what does this mean? Wow, this is such a compelling mystery with so many twists and turns. I am so very invested right now.

However, as the two talk, it's clear that Adrien isn't himself, literally.

“Adrien”: Let's leave, I dare you.

Kagami: Are you insane? We can't do that.

“Adrien”: Of course, we can. I can.

Kagami: (gasps) You'd do that?

“Adrien”: Wanna bet?

Kagami: No, we can't.

“Adrien”: See? You're not as free as you claim. Don't you think we should be able to decide our future?

I'll get back to this later.

Marinette tells “Adrien” that she loves her, but Chloe figures out that Marinette crashed a party she wasn't invited to. Of course, because this is Chloe, we're supposed to ignore how unnecessary this plan was for Marinette. Seriously, Marinette crashing the party in “Gabriel Agreste”, as illogical as it was, made sense, because they needed to stop Chloe from showing Gabriel incriminating footage of Marinette. Here, Marinette had no real reason to crash this party when all she had to do was call Adrien, and Chloe, like her or hate her, makes a good point in that she wasn't invited. But again, since this is Season 5 Chloe, she could say she opposes human trafficking, and the writers would still find a way to make her look like the bad guy.

Chloe tells the other rich kids to help her expose Marinette, but because they're so stuck up and entitled, they refuse to touch her. I'll give you all a moment to groan from that unfunny joke. Then we get this conversation between Marinette and “Adrien”.

“Adrien”: All eyes are on you.

Marinette: They're looking at me like I'm a monster.

“Adrien”: Look closer, Marinette. (whispers into her ear) They're the monsters.

I officially take back everything bad I ever said about the Canto Bight scenes from The Last Jedi.

While I get what the episode's going for, we really haven't seen a lot of the 1% doing things that would actually warrant this level of scorn from the audience. Yeah, most of them were egotistical snobs, especially Chloe, but you can't really see this as a shot at the elite when it's aimed at their children instead of their parents. All we've seen in this episode is the rich kids being jerks (and even then, it's played for laughs), Chloe rightfully trying to get Marinette thrown out of a party she had no reason to crash, and Gabriel and Tomoe trying to pair their children together. If you want to show the audience how bad rich people are, you need to show them actually abusing their power and mistreating others. As bad as the aforementioned Canto Bight scenes were, they still worked because it managed to back up the point it was trying to make.

Compare this to characters like the Ferengi from Star Trek or the World Nobles from One Piece. These are allegories for the 1% that work because they do a better job at exaggerating aspects of them that can translate to how we see the elite in our world. With the Ferengi, they represent everything wrong with cutthroat businessmen who base their entire society over financial gains, and with the World Nobles, they represent the disconnect with the common people by being so arrogant, they wear helmets that prevent them from breathing the same air as the commoners. If you wanted to show how bad the rich were, especially considering what's going to happen in a few minutes, you needed to do more to make the audience not like them so we'd be more happy to see them get their comeuppance.

Marinette figures out that Felix impersonated Adrien once again (it honestly stops being impressive when he's done it during literally every episode he appears in), and he decides to transform using the Peacock Miraculous in public for some reason, calling himself Argos.

Argos' design is okay. The suit and coattails look pretty nice, and the coloring on his face works a lot better than Gabriel's. The only problem I have is the way the hood looks. It looks too goofy to go with the rest of the suit. It kind of reminds me of that salmon suit Squidward wore in that one episode of SpongeBob SquarePants.

Before anyone else at the party can do anything, Argos reveals a Sentimonster he created, Red Moon.

Red Moon is... a red moon. It's just a red moon that floats above the city, and it gives Argos the ability to make anyone bathed in its light disappear with a snap of his fingers. If anything, this shows how overpowered the Peacock Miraculous is, and that Gabriel was a real idiot for not trying anything like this while he was Shadowmoth.

Anyway, after making everyone think his cousin is a supervillain as part of his brilliant plan, Argos decides to tell everyone in the room about what his Sentimonster can do. He demonstrates this by, of course, choosing to snap away Chloe before targeting Gabriel and Tomoe. You really have your priorities straight, buddy. Argos then carries Marinette outside before throwing her in a dumpster, because if he snapped her away, than Ladybug couldn't fight him.

But then Argos decides to go to the streets, and decides to snap away a bunch of innocent civilians... while singing a jazz song. To anyone curious as to what it sounds like, I must warn you, it isn't for the feint of heart.

I take back everything bad I ever said about the Hawkmoth rap.

First off, I'm just going to say it, Bryce Papenbrook cannot sing. Argos is clearly trying to sound like a suave and confident villain like Doctor Facilier from The Princess and the Frog, but his delivery is terrible. It either ranges from flat monotone to trying to shout while dealing with a sore throat. The point I'm trying to make is that there was a good reason someone else did the singing voice for Adrien in the recent movie.

Second, this doesn't do anything to make us root for Argos as a character, because there's no reason for him to be doing this. I can understand why he'd use his power to get rid of Gabriel and Tomoe (even Chloe, given we know how much she's done), but why is he suddenly going nuts snapping a bunch of random people who haven't even met him before? The episode tries to make him a character who only does bad things because he has no choice to, so him doing this to a bunch of innocent civilians makes no sense.

Finally, WHY THE HELL IS THIS SCENE A MUSICAL NUMBER?! It's hard enough to see Argos callously wipe out a bunch of bystanders, essentially committing genocide, but the tone of the song is all upbeat and cheery, while the lyrics are about how Argos should get whatever he wants. What is the purpose of adding a song here? Are we supposed to find this funny? Is it meant to establish Felix as a wild card? Is the song supposed to make us like him more because of how catchy it is? What was the writers' endgame here? Like I mentioned earlier, this flies in the face of the characterization the episode is trying to establish for him.

Marinette transforms into Ladybug and arrives on the scene, confronting Argos over what he did last season.

Ladybug: You're the reason why I lost the other Miraculous in the first place! And why he took them! You gave them to him without any regard for the consequences it might have with the people of Paris!

Argos: True, except I work for no one. I only helped Monarch cause it served my plans! I needed the Peacock Miraculous and today I need yours and Cat Noir's so I can make my wish!

Ladybug: Your wish?! What do you want?! What are you trying to do?! You're destroying the world and we don't even know why!

Argos: When I merge your Miraculous together, I'll make a wish to create a better world! A free world, where no one will be under anyone's control anymore, where no one will be excluded like I was! A world without people like you to decide what's right or wrong! Who gets powers and who doesn't!

Dude, you're literally playing God right now by snapping away people who did nothing wrong, while singing a song at that. You have no right to lecture Ladybug on how to use power responsibly. And once again, even though we just saw him happily snapping people out of existence like the kid from that one Twilight Zone episode, the episode is going back to portraying him as someone who's only doing this because he has nothing to lose.

Ladybug tries to use her Lucky Charm, but gets nothing in response. This is because her plan is to get Argos to give up, but even in episodes where her plan was to get Akumas to give up, she still got her Lucky Charm (Rocketear, Qilin, Penalteam, Reunion, Perfection, Intuition), so this doesn't really make any sense. Ladybug calls Argos' bluff, so he wipes out everyone from existence. After running into Kagami and snapping Adrien back into existence, Argos is surprised that they aren't thanking him for wiping out all of humanity, and in fact, see him as a complete psychopath.

We then learn Felix's true plan. Earlier that day, Argos capitalized on a opening he had been hoping he would get for weeks, and then created Red Moon. Right after Adrien's date with Marinette, Argos ambushed Adrien, and snapped him out of existence with Red Moon's power. He then decided to impersonate Adrien so he could infiltrate the dance and snap Gabriel, Tomoe, and everyone else out of existence.

I think my feelings on this plan can be perfectly summarized by Tony Stark.

First off, why did he need to sneak into the dance? All Felix had to do was transform into Argos, and nobody would know who he really was.

Second, why did he need to impersonate Adrien? Felix claims he's doing this for him, yet all he did was steal his girlfriend and ruin his public reputation. As a matter of fact, why did he even snap Adrien away? You're already wiping out all of humanity, so I don't think temporarily doing the same to Adrien will earn you any goodwill.

Third, why did he waste so much time screwing around with Marinette and Kagami? I sort of get why he would try to get in Kagami's good graces (keyword being “try”) by trying to convince her to rebel against her mother more, but why did he dance around with Marinette while pretending to be Adrien? Felix later says he wanted to spare Marinette for Adrien's sake, but he barely knows her, and whether she finds out Felix impersonated her boyfriend or not, she's going to be pissed at either you or Adrien because of your galavanting. In fact, I don't think he ever told Adrien that he danced with Marinette while at the dance in the first place.

Finally, he really needed to wait for this for weeks? If your goal was to get rid of Gabriel and Tomoe, why didn't you just ambush them yourself instead of waiting for a public function? This isn't like has last few appearances where he needed to rely on his intellect. He has superpowers now. All he has to do is create another Sentibug or some kind of assassin Sentimonster and he can be rid of them easily. Instead, he waited weeks for a chance to steal his cousin's identity, dance with his girlfriend, talk trash about Kagami for listening to her mother when he's supposed to be helping her and Adrien, blow his cover in a crowded area by transforming, and use his killer moon to erase all of humanity from existence while singing. Remember, this is the show that usually makes jokes about Marinette's obsession with unnecessarily complicated plans.

Anyway, Argos tries to use his powers to bring Marinette back, but for some reason, they won't work. My best guess is that it's because Marinette transformed into Ladybug, but that shouldn't chance the fact that Argos snapped her with Red Moon's power. After trying to justify his genocide by saying he never wanted to hurt Adrien and Kagami, Argos remembers how his powers work and brings everyone back. After Ladybug lets him go scot-free, Argos goes to a private place realizes that he may have made a few mistakes for almost wiping out all of humanity, tearfully snapping Red Moon out of existence, calling it “his sister”. Because I guess we were supposed to emotionally connect to the giant moon that showed little to no signs of sentience this entire episode? Argos transforms back to Felix, and we learn that Amelie knew where he was the whole time, and she was apparently testing Gabriel for some reason.

After Adrien explains to Marinette that his father ordered him to not tell her about the dance, Adrien goes to talk to Gabriel about it. Gabriel, being Gabriel uses his control over Adrien to force him to never talk about Marinette again. Gabriel then gets a call from Lila, and even though she's been nothing but helpful to him since Season 3, he's apparently tired with her. Why is he suddenly rejecting the help of his most competent (by comparison) ally?

Also, the episode ends with the revelation that Lila somehow knows Gabriel is Monarch. Why? How? I DON'T CARE, BECAUSE THIS EPISODE SUCKS!

Oh my God, this episode was just terrible! “Derision” and “Adoration” definitely got to me with the way their stories were handled, but this was the first episode in a while to really piss me off. The plot was contrived as hell, basically being a repeat of “Gabriel Agreste”, and you all know how I wasn't exactly a fan of that episode. Think about it: Marinette sneaks into a party, Felix tries to scheme against Gabriel, and Marinette and Adrien end up getting caught in one of his schemes.

The social commentary about how bad the rich were just felt more pretensions than anything else. I get that it's meant to teach children a lesson about the real world, but the episode feels so confident in what its trying to say when it's not that deep, even by kids' show standards. Rich people are bad? Yeah, I think someone like me who lives in the same country as Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and Mark Zuckerberg knows that. Will you actually teach kids about the financial conditions that allow the wealthy to abuse their power or the cutthroat methods they'll resort to in order to turn a profit? No? You're just going to tell kids that rich people are jerks without giving any actual evidence in the same episode you're using to try and to teach them? Man, these writers just keep hitting it out of the park here!

This whole “Rich people suck” message also falls flat because Felix is the one pushing it. You know, someone who already comes from a rich family? It's not like Bruce Wayne where he uses his money to help the people of Gotham, as Batman or not. Felix just whines about how “tHeY'rE tHe MoNsTeRs.” when he's just as well-off as they are. The episode tries to do a subtle discrimination message as evidenced by his rant as Argos earlier, but it doesn't work because we have never seen anyone discriminate against Felix for who he is. Yeah, the episode once again tries to hint at him being a Sentimonster, but because the show hasn't just pulled the trigger and confirmed it, it's hard to really sympathize with him being “excluded” when we've never seen him being treated differently by others in earlier episodes, and even if he was a Sentimonster, nobody would know or be able to discriminate against him in the first place.

I don't know why the show keeps trying to excuse Felix's actions when once again, he pretty much committed fucking genocide yet the episode still wanted us to feel bad for him realizing his actions had consequences. If he actually wanted to own up to his mistakes, he'd either hand over the Peacock Miraculous to Ladybug or help Ladybug stop Monarch. For someone who claims he hates when people abuse power to make others suffer, he's no better, judging from how both times he's gotten to use a Miraculous, he's either screwed over Ladybug (Strikeback) or endangered a lot of innocent people. And if you're wondering why I didn't point out any double standards between the treatment of Felix compared to Chloe, that doesn't really matter. No matter how you feel about Chloe, whether you feel like she got screwed over or not, it doesn't really make how the writers are glorifying Felix any better or worse, as his potential “redemption arc” isn't off to a good start.

The plot was stupid, Felix was an idiot, and it felt like more effort was put into the musical number than the writing. In my opinion, this is easily the worst episode of the season so far.

Although at the very least, now that we have even more evidence that Adrien, Felix, and even Kagami are all Sentimonsters, I think I know what clip I can start using to describe my feelings on this plotline.

THE BIGGEST IDIOT OF THE EPISODE IS... FELIX

For someone who managed to outsmart Gabriel on multiple occasions with no superpowers, Felix's intelligence really took a nosedive the second he got the Peacock Miraculous. He came up with a completely unnecessary plan that involved impersonating his cousin's identity and mocking his friend when he's supposed to try and win their favor, he danced with his cousin's girlfriend without his consent, transformed in public, smearing his reputation even further, and proceeded to gleefully wipe out humanity through a musical number, and needed other people to point out how immoral his actions were. Of course, Marinette gets second place thanks to her plan to break into the party and later letting Argos get away.

[thetorturedbuckydepartment]

chapter three: the truce

pairing: Bucky barnes x plus-sized!SHIElD!reader

masterlist

summary: being a SHIELD agent, you have a knack for analysing people, particularly when it comes to attraction. you have everyone figured out, sorted away into the boxes you've created. But there's one man you can never seem to figure out, the very bane of your existence -- Bucky Barnes. On the field, he is a saint, helping you dodge bullets and taking knife wounds in your name. Around the building? Public menace number one, always poised to insult or to spar with you.

After being sent on a 6-month-long torture-cum-vacation with the very man, could all this change? Could you finally figure out what has been bubbling beneath the surface for years between the two of you, the juggernaut that you know you cannot stop?

warnings:  language, mention of being fostered and it being terrible, more hints to reader’s past, dead mother, mentions of sex and reader being dom

word count: 2.7k

taglist: @cjand10 @mcira @calwitch

PREVIOUS PART

A/N: I enjoyed writing this sm! as always, please let me know what you think, all comments and reblogs and likes are heavily appreciated!! love u all <3

You didn’t expect moving to be so much work, and…so much fucking tape. Ever since you escaped the hellhole of your foster house, you’ve been living in the Tower, only ever having to unpack a duffel and a suitcase full of clothes and shoes and makeup. 

The good news that comes from being so tired is that you barely have the energy to argue with Bucky, often falling asleep on the couch halfway through dinner. The TV will continue to blare in the background, and Bucky will continue to chew silently. He lets you take the naps, gently waking you up once he’s done, and handing back your freshly heated dinner plate right back at you, just so you never eat a cold meal. In all honesty, it’s been wonderful.

Somehow, he’s nice to you, now. The two of you haven’t officially called a truce, but it goes unspoken, you suppose. You find yourself helping him more than usual, and certainly have stopped insulting him. You don’t know why. Why he’s being kind, and smiling, even in the privacy of your own home, where nobody else but the two of you have been, so you know for sure that there are no bugs or secret cameras.

The neighbourhood has been pretty quiet, and it seems the Senator is currently on a vacation of some sort, so you haven’t had the chance to profile him in person, or his house. Your own is quite nice, large with a swimming pool in the back garden. It’s modern, and neat, and oozes luxury. 

If you weren’t so fucked up, if you still wanted the ring and kids and picket fence, you would’ve loved it here. You can almost see it — a partner grilling an assortment of meats and vegetables that have been marinating in a secret spice mix for hours, kids splashing and playing about in the shallow end of the pool, you and other guests lounging on the chairs as the sun sets, washing everything in sight in hues of golden orange. Or if it’s just your family, maybe sneak some affection from your partner with a hand around their waist and a kiss pressed to the back of their neck. It’s perfect. Given that Bucky’s from the 40s, he must be losing his mind. He’s pretending, albeit, but he’s gotten the simple life he must’ve dreamed of and clung to. It’s a shame he’s with you.

Which brings you to right now, standing in front of the oven with your arms crossed, waiting for an old-fashioned timer to go off. You stare at it, at the minutes ticking by. There’s nothing much left to do. You’ve already unpacked all the kitchen crockery, throwing away the last of the cardboard. The blue frosting and white icing is mixed and ready on the counter, and you hate yourself. It’s March 10th, today. Bucky’s birthday. 

His kindness in these past two weeks has completely swayed you, so here you stand, baking him a fresh batch of cupcakes you’re going to be decorating, just for him. You don’t know why, it feels like you glanced at your new phone, registered the date, and all you did was blink and now here you stand. Bucky’s still fast asleep in his bedroom.

That was another relief of the house — there were two bedrooms. Thank God, the two of you sleep separately. You’ve shared a bed before, on several missions and attempts to get the two of you to enter a state of permanent civility, and oddly enough you missed those nights sometimes.

When you weren’t tired enough, so the nightmares ran rampant in the small area of your brain and the large expanse of your imagination. Sometimes you’d wake up pressed tightly against him, and you knew he must have held you to ground you. Other times, he’d still be fast asleep, and you would often trace all the intricate ridges and details of his vibranium arm. You’ve gotten adjusted to the sight of his brand new, human arm, but you miss the black and gold. You’d rather die than verbally express so, but you miss it. You miss the way it soothed you, distracted you. The way it created space in your mind for something that wasn’t torturous memories lashing out at you. 

If he knows about it, he’s never said anything. About the nightmares. Not even two nights ago when you had woken up screaming and trying to escape out the window, desperate to escape a phantom wielding a bloodied knife. He’d just calmed you down, talked you back to the centre of the room and held you.

He likes doing that a lot now, finding excuses to touch you. It’s comforting, like you’ve been on edge your entire life and are just now finding peace. You hate it. You hate everything about your current situation, but it’s simultaneously a humongous relief. To not have to constantly have your guard up and be ready to fire insults like they’re bullets. You can just be, and revel in the way he’s not treating you like he’d rather be anywhere else.

The timer goes off. The cupcakes cool. The recipe is something your mother taught you — your only remaining inheritance you carried with you. You smother them in frosting, writing HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUCKY with one letter on each cupcake, leaving two for free reign. You chose to simply put the number 107 on each of them, and arrange them on a wonderful, dark blue tray.

You let yourself smile, proud of the work you’ve accomplished so far, at only 9AM in the morning. And then, a voice grubbed over with sleep, yet not as annoying as you remember calls out.

“Whatcha bakin’ there, doll?” You turn to him, rubbing his eyes and yet thankfully wearing a shirt. His hair is still messy, and you move forward to fix it for him as he shoots you another lazy grin. This has become somewhat of another step of routine between the two of you. He always wakes up with messy hair he cannot be asked to comb, and you got tired of berating him for it. He’d complain theres no mirror around and being to pout until you huffed and fixed it for him.

You try and pretend like you don’t notice his conspicuous eyes fixed on your face like he’s desperate to memorise it. 

“Happy birthday.” You decide to keep your words simple, staring directly into his eyes, so blue that they make some long-forgotten muscle in your chest restart.

You turn around to ignore that feeling, heading back to the counter where your frosted treats await. You miss the desperate, aching look of longing on his face. It brings back memories of him, of how he acted the last time you bothered to remember one of the most basic facts about him — how he’d pretty much thrown your gifts across the room and stormed out of his own birthday party without so much as another word.

He swears to be different now. To be different to you. In all honesty, it didn’t take a genius to figure out why you dislike him so, but on the journey here, he was finally able to read between the lines. It’s pathetically embarrassing to admit why he acted that way towards you, especially now. He wonders if you’d laugh at him, shape it into another painful weapon to aim for his diaphragm.

“Happy Birthday, Bucky. I know being stuck with me isn’t ideal, well, let’s be honest, you’d probably rather be back in cryo—.”

“No I wouldn’t,” he replies all too fast, staring down at the tray in your hands. He tries to ignore the rampant beat of his heart as he registers that you finally called him Bucky, instead of literally anything else. He knows you do it to spite him, and admires that you’d still never call him the Winter Soldier, despite how deep the faux hatred between the two of you ran. Well, faux hatred on his part.

He’s been in love with you for years. And when he finally realised it, you’d already moved past trying to be nice to him. He’s missed his chance with you, he knows this. But he finds himself growing more and more desperate with every passing year to manufacture that chance. But every time he builds up the courage, it seems you’re too busy flirting or eye-fucking literally anyone who isn’t him. And it crushes him beyond belief, every single time.

Without fail.

“Oh, okay. Didn’t mean to bring that up. Erm, I made you these cakes. They’re my mum’s recipe, and as far as I know you’re not allergic to anything in here.” He plasters a grin right back on his face.

“Aren’t you gonna sing for me, doll?” God, you wish you could hate that nickname. But it’s a step above Butterface, that’s for sure. And as much as you hate him, it is his birthday. You don’t know how much you can bring yourself to deny him, especially what with all the kindness he’s been showing you recently.

“Do you want me to?” God, Bucky wishes you could love him back. That those beautiful eyes he dreams about so often, just stare at him with some warmth, some fondness. Like you did when he first got here, when he didn’t deserve your affection. But those versions of the both of you are long gone. 

“‘Course I do. It’s my birthday after all.” You roll those pretty eyes and huff, pretending to be annoyed. 

You grab the candles from the cutlery drawer you bought in a last minute impulse on your grocery shopping run, and stick them in two of the cupcakes, lighting them with your lighter — the only physical inheritance from your mother. You still remember that night, when she pressed it into your small hands and begged you to hide underneath the bed, before all hell broke loose. She always had a lit cigarette in her hand, and the smell of ashes always brings memories of her floating back to you. It’s a simple golden one, engraved with a venomous snake on the front and her name embossed — her name before she got married. It’s your most prized possession. Bucky watches as you run a thumb over it with that fond look in your eyes, and his heart catches in his throat. You’ve never been more vulnerable than you are in this moment, not even when you were on the floor crying over the thought of pretending to be married. All of your guards are temporarily lowered, and he sees how your hard exterior gives way to something softer and warmer, a version of you long buried under the stresses of your job and the malice you exude in his presence.

And he’s obsessed with the ring on your finger, the way you play with it when bored or pensive. Actually, he’s just obsessed with you. You begin singing with a small, yet seemingly genuine, smile on your face. He thinks it’s the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard. 

You have a lovely voice, even if it’s reserved for showers and to be lost in impromptu choirs. But his heightened senses mean he can still pick your voice out of the crowd, can still feel the weight of it wash over him like a perfect blanket. He wishes you’d cling to him like that, like the songs you sing when you think nobody’s listening or paying attention.

And then you call him Bucky again, and his heart goes out the window. He’s practically vibrating where he stands and clutching his fists to his sides in trying not to kiss you. You wouldn’t like that. When you finish, he closes his eyes and wishes for you like he does every year. 

He guesses a lesser man would’ve lost hope, after seven birthday wishes asking for one person, and yet still having them so close yet so out of reach. But he’ll beg, every year, until someone out there decides he shall have no more. He’d beg for you any time, in any way you like. His heightened sense of hearing, and the two of you living on the same floor, means he already knows how much you enjoy being begged for pleasure. How much you enjoy being in charge.

When he first got to New York after Wakanda, the only room that was available was across the hall from yours. He didn’t mind. Even though he’d completely forgotten how to talk to people he finds insanely attractive, so insanely enigmatic that all he can do is try his best to not let drool drip out of his mouth when he watches you do even the most mundane things like eat cereal with your hair still messy from a long night, in a sports bra and joggers. Showing off every inch of that perfect body he’s worshipped so many times in his dreams. It’s why he hasn’t moved out of there, because of the perverted side of him. Something he’d rather die than admit.

And of course everyone in the damn building knows, how could they not? When they see the way he looks at you when you storm out of a room, how he almost misses the punching bag when he sees you training weights across the room with sweat slicking your hair to your forehead. He thinks you’ve never looked more irresistible, and he’d do anything to get his hands on you, in any way you allow. Why do you think he asks you to spar so often? 

You grin at him. “Bucky privileges are only for these 24 hours, then I go right back to James. And I got you something.” You hand him the tiny box, gift wrapped in blue as he looks at you with an adorable blush on his face.

“You really didn’t have to do all of this, doll.”

“I wanted to make you feel more at home. And I needed to talk to you about something.” You’re wearing one of his old flannel shirts, folding your arms across your chest. You’d requested some of his bigger, older shirts to wear, and had told him it’s considered a form of deep intimacy in the 21st century. And those six shirts are all you’ve worn around the house, often with biker shorts on underneath. You know, just to drive him to ridiculous heights of insanity, of course. 

“We should call a truce. Officially. I mean, we’re being civil, and it goes unspoken. But officially, for the record, we should call a truce. At least, not be mean to each other. I wanted today to be the beginning of it, end date TBD.”

“Yeah, that’s fine with me. Now, can I open it?” You nod, gesturing at the box. You watch his face as he delicately unwraps your birthday gift, for any signs of discomfort on his face. If he’s truly okay with the peace you’ve proposed between the two of you. 

“Come here.” He commands. You’re surprised how quickly you comply, walking across the counter to stand mere inches from him. You wonder if he’s going to treat this gift like he did the last, and make sure you end up crying this time. 

“This is a wonderful gift, doll. I really, really love it. Thank you.” Before you can protest, he pulls you in for a quick side hug. You don’t miss how his blue eyes glow as he takes the New York keyring out of it’s container, running his thumb over the Statue of Liberty. 

He feels…so warm. And so cosy, all perfect for snuggling up. You find yourself wishing he hadn’t pulled away from the hug, desperate to feel more of his warmth against you than ever before. You suppress the need as it emerges, but you’re not strong enough.

“Yeah yeah. Whatever. What do you wanna do today? We could go out.” You try to remain impartial, but it’s proving difficult.

Keeping up all of your guards and walls is becoming more and more difficult with each passing day, and you find yourself becoming soft. The one thing you despise, but you also crave. 

You have no idea what’s happening to you.

And it’s terrifying.

NEXT PART

[alice-after-dark]

here's an ask/fanon take opinion: I don't think Alastor was needlessly cruel or violent to Vox except maybe for their breakup fight. Maybe they had a battle or two, but I don't think Al was destroying Vox's screen with his cane halfway through every conversation. Like besides the people he literally sees as enemies or his overlord takedown back in the day- do we even see Alastor hurt anyone except if you include pulling Husk's chain. But I doubt that actually hurt him. If Vox was really Alastor's close friend and confodent, I don't even think he would hurt him even in a confession rejection like the fanon wants to believe. Unless he had to desperately break things off cause his deal. They just treat Vox as this punching bag and literally the only person we see who had an indication or want when it comes to hurting him is Valentino. I like to think that Alastor poked and prodded at Vox with curiosity and teasing, and my guy is for sure handsy. But HURT Vox, like wound him. Even though Al is a serial killer, I just don't think he would do that to anyone he enjoyed the company of. What do you think? Cause frankly it just seems to be such a cold take on Alastor. We see this guy as bloodthirsty but he also has friends???? The mere presence of Rosie and Mimzy just show that he created compatible human connection, like the fuck? Kind of pisses me off if I'm being frank.

Thank you so much for the ask!

I do agree, though I can't say I've actually seen this situation before (about Alastor regularly hurting Vox during their friendship). I definitely agree though that Alastor isn't the type to just arbitrarily hurt someone he viewed as a friend.

Alastor's friends exist in a special circle. We see how warm he is towards Mimzy and Rosie. Even when he tells Mimzy off, he's not overly harsh about it. It's implied that he's effectively cutting off their friendship, but he's not cruel and he definitely doesn't get physical with her. He simply tells her to leave. Literally the most I can see him doing is knocking them gently on the head with his cane.

We don't actually even know if they did canonically fight when they had their falling out. It's widely assumed, yes, but we don't actually know if their falling out led to a fight. Valentino mentions that Alastor "almost beat" Vox but he doesn't actually say how Alastor almost beat him or when it even happened. I think it's pretty safe to say that it was probably their last encounter before Alastor disappeared, but we don't actually know that Valentino is talking about a fight. Alastor likes to play games, so we know fuck all about what Valentino is referring to.

Also them having regular physical fights is another thing assumed by the fandom. For all we know, Alastor has never physically hurt Vox and vice versa. The closest thing we see from them in terms of a fight is "Stayed Gone" which is essentially a glorified rap battle.

TLDR I don't think Alastor is the type to use any of his friends as a punching bag. I think becoming someone he considers a friend is a hard fought battle and he treasures them very deeply (which of course would make any betrayal to that friendship - real or perceived - sting all the worse).

[gloriousbookwyrm]

I’ve been busy most of today, but had a last minute idea for a Pocky Day ficlet, ft YuuMalle

Nonbinary Yuu, who is mentioned to have had a girlfriend at some point in the past

After the sun sank below the horizon, and the campus grew dark, Yuu stepped outside and waited by the gates of Ramshackle. Sure enough, the air soon filled with green sparkles, and Hornton joined them, holding a box of pocky, and explained why after he greeted them, “Lilia tells me there is some human celebration around this snack. Apparently it involves some manner of game, but he didn’t explain what. I don’t suppose you learned anything about it from your classmates?”

Somehow, Yuu was more surprised to learn Twisted Wonderland also had Pocky Day than they had been to find out they also celebrated Halloween. They answered Hornton quickly, “Actually this exists back home too. I can teach you the pocky game, if you want?” Hornton nodded smiling, and Yuu opened up the box and pulled a stick out. They had been harboring a crush on their charming, elusive visitor for a while now, but had no idea how he felt about them. They didn’t even know his name! And from some of the things he said, they had put together that he almost definitely wasn’t human, and was probably some kind of fae, which they had heard from a few people apparently existed in this world. Even if he was interested in dating a human, who knew if his romantic customs would even be recognizable to them, or vice versa? This could be a fun way to gauge if he shared certain things in common with them, and if he did, how receptive he was to those things, coming from them. “You take one end of the pocky in your mouth, and I take the other. We’ll take turns moving down the stick until one of us breaks it. Whoever gets to eat the most pocky wins.”

Hornton blinked, “That seems too easy for whoever gets the first turn. What’s the catch?”

“How about you go first and find out?” Yuu bit gently on the chocolate-covered end of the snack, sat up in the stone wall so he wouldn’t have to bend so far, and waited. For a moment, it looked like Hornton really was going to just take the entire pocky at once, but halfway to them seemed to realize how close their faces were, blushed, and stopped there. So fae did have kissing, and considered it at least intimate enough to embarrass him, even he had been a little slow on the uptake there. Equally interesting was the way even the pointed tips of his ears turned pink, and how his slit pupils widened when they made eye contact.

It was Yuu’s move now. When they had played the game with a now ex-girlfriend back home, they had liked to surprise her by making exactly the move Hornton had threatened, claiming the bulk of the snack and a kiss at the same time. Something about Hornton’s reaction made them want to draw it out little, though, so they moved forward by barely an inch. Hornton would have to draw in closer by his own volition, or else break off early.

He opted to move forward, but only barely. However, when Yuu responded in kind and moved an even shorter distance towards him, he huffed, and took enough of the snack that there was only a fraction of an inch between them. A moment later his fluster caught back up with him, and he blushed even further. His face was too close now to really see his expression, but from his eyes and action, Yuu could see he clearly wanted them to be the one to close the gap. They leaned in until there was barely any pocky left between them, and Yuu took in the way his pupils had blown out so large that almost none of the green of his eyes could be seen. Briefly, they considered taking pity on him and the way his lips had parted slightly in anticipation. Instead, they bit the snack in two, and hopped back down onto the ground before he could react. “Well, looks like you have the bigger piece! Want a rematch?”

“I— That is— ” Hornton stammered, but before he could answer, they both heard the raised voices of a pair of Diasomnia students who sometimes patrolled nearby, presumably looking for dorm mates straying out past curfew like Hornton clearly was. Instead he hastily bid them good night and disappeared, leaving Yuu with the overwhelming desire to keep teasing him, whenever they next met.

[a-really-cool-blog-name]

Did somebody ask for adventure forward head canons that may or may not interfere with the actual canon because I haven't played the games in a while?

No? Screw you, you're getting them anyway.

Warning ⚠️ I am cringe, but I am free so I feel like that makes up for it.

VERY LONG LIKE INCREDIBLY LONG YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED DO NOT CLICK THAT SEE MORE BUTTON UNLESS YOU WANT TO READ ADVENTURE FORWARD HEAD CANNONS YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Also I say head cannons but like halfway through I derail into my AU of what crown of shadows and vein reveal would be like so I still think it's really interesting but I'm very biased.

("I hate celesteal!" I say, before making a bunch of head cannons around him.) I really like celesteal as a character I hate him as a person but I really love him as a character

Do not expect this to be arranged well it will not be. This is not chronological this is not even like grouping a character altogether this is really messy, I'm just getting all my ideas out.

The two different canceled sequels are both different timelines (that I may or may not make crossover in my head) and I have different ideas for how each of them would go so I will refer to them as crown of shadows (COS) and Vain revival (VR) to specify when it is only for one of the versions.

Anshine and Stratosfear are happily married.

I don't know if this is cannon or not but Sheldon definitely made Miobot. And also accidentally made him sentient, oops, sure hope that doesn't come back causing both of you to get forcefully ascended to a higher existence.

Celesteal admire humans a lot mostly because he can't figure out where they keep coming from (he does not know how reproduction works) and he can't figure out how to make one.

VR! The shard saver is his closest attempt to a human looking mostly correct but having the little quirk of her having pink blood and also thinking it is normal for a person to not remember the first 15 years of their life (She does not know she is not human at first) The shard savior is also the only one of his creations that he considers to be his child.

It took Celesteal a couple hundred years to figure out how to make a sentient being at that point he was kind of already cuckoo bananas.

Yawgate was one of his earlier creations and often accompanied him to where he needed to go because Yawgate does the portaling.

The pure points did not learn how to speak English properly they were just imbued with that knowledge shortly after they were made. Unfortunately they are all British because of this. (Celesteal thinks that accent is the most quote on quote "cool" and therefore he speaks in it)

Celesteal refers to everyone using they/them most of the time because he does not know how genders work at all.

The first Star Savior is a 39-year-old closeted gay man named Stefan. (I accidentally stole that name from a fanfiction like 2 years ago, oops)

Mason is a 40-year-old and is also a closeted gay man. The main reason he became the mayor is because his father was the mayor and his father is now dead. The hat wears is his father's. He is also really tired of the may or may not jokes, yes he has heard it before it lost its funny factor since he was a child and heard it from people saying that to his father. Stefan doesn't think it's lost it's funny factor and still makes those jokes.

Mason and Stefan are childhood best friends and may or may not (Haha get it) have feelings for each other. Unfortunately, that issue won't be resolved for another 300 years. (Talk about a slow burn)

The second Star savior is a 28-year-old man named Nicholas (I also stole that name from the same fanfiction I read 2 years ago accidentally, oops) who has served in the military. His only remaining family members are his aunt, who he has a rough relationship with and his cousin who he has a fine relationship with, but he hasn't talked to since before he joined the military.

Anshine is really bad at naming things like "if he had a Dalmatian he would name it spot" type of bad at naming things.

Stratosfear for a brief period of time forgot his own strength because he didn't really have to do stuff like opening jars when he had to play the role of the star steeler and he's kind of been trapped for 300 years so not a lot of time to get used to how strong you are with objects and stuff.

Stratosfear is immune to poison and venom because he himself can make poisonous stuff if he really wanted to. He can also make red metal into any shape he wants, he just thinks scorpions are cool and so has a bunch of metal shapes in the shape of the scorpion tail, that is one of the very few things he got to choose for himself in that time loop.

Evon has somehow managed to in all her years of being a cashier, which is two, meet every single pre-point and not realize it. Evon goes by Eve. Whett is Eve's boss. Whett and Randall are friends.

Eve lives with her roommate Rose who has very obvious feelings for her and Eve is oblivious. (Would really be a shame if something were to happen to Eve which caused Rose to never be able to properly tell her her feelings, ha. On a completely unrelated note Rose is actually one of Nick's ancestors so maybe that's a good thing because he literally wouldn't exist if they were together oops. This just in, woman (me) who can't handle tragedy made another tragedy.)

Umbra may or may not be in a cult?? It's really unclear to an outsider if it's a cult or just a really dedicated group of people to studying the Moon. She does have powers from this because I think that's cool.

If Cynosura had a nickel for every time he has been brutally transformed he would have two nickels which isn't a lot but it's weird that it's happened twice.

He got cursed by a weird gem thing that was in his backyard when he was like twelve. Given the fact that he's already cursed he can't be cursed again so he goes out looking for those items to stop anyone else from being cursed. (Yes, he has ice powers I thought it would be cool for his pre point to also have them, shut up.)

Cynosura and Umbra used to be friends before Cynosura's cursing and then became penpals because they couldn't see each other in person they recently have started talking in person again. I feel it is important to mention that Umbra literally couldn't care less that he was cursed, she's more mad he didn't talk to her in person for that whole time. (They're like in their thirties I don't know the exact ages)

(Wow sure hope Umbra doesn't see something she's not supposed to see and go to run off to tell him and drag him down with her to be higher being of existence forcefully accidentally because she couldn't keep it to herself) (also Celesteal gets Cynosura pointified Midway through talking about how they probably shouldn't know this and how one of them might get hurt because he quote unquote "thought it would be really funny" Umbra tried to punch him in the face, to little success.)

Despair is an orphan and is also distinctly not human. (He's not exactly sure how to say what he is in English so he just goes with what everybody else calls him, a demon.) he also chose that name when he was an edgy teenager, his friends call him Dee because it's kind of hard to take the name Despair seriously. Despair still finds the name cool even though he is going to be twenty soon.

Cynosura offered him a place to stay shortly after he lost his parents at like 10ish. He takes up this offer randomly and then randomly leaves. They consider each other to kind of be like Uncle and nephew.

Eve, Despair, and Laoin are all friends.

Laoin is part dragon because I think that's cool.

Funny random thing I thought of, Laoin is friends with Trussy (I don't like that name that much I kind of want to change it but I don't know to what) who is friends with Sheldon And Laoin is also friends with Despair who is friends with Cynosura so when Cynosura needed house repairs once Despair mentioned that to Laoin who mentioned it to Trussy who then paired up with Sheldon to help fix Cynosura house while not knowing him directly at all.

Ixol gets pointified last and only gets pointified because his entire friend group mysteriously disappeared and he managed to -in his grief- figure out almost everything he had a board with red string across it and everything he was like one pin away from figuring out the identity of Stratosfear, I am serious. He figured out that the points probably where his friends because it's a little suspicious that each time one of his friends disappears there's a new guy with their exact personality who doesn't remember their past, this happened to him like four times. Cyalm when he realized what Despair had figured out was shocked and really impressed because he proceeded to do that and then never do anything like that ever again.

Yawgate is not supposed to let the pure points into other pure points dimensions but he does it anyway behind Celesteal's back because he feels really bad that they wouldn't be able to see each other any other way. (Celestial doesn't really care that much, he knows Yawgates doing it he just feels like it's not worth his time to stop it. Yawgate doesn't know that Celesteal knows about that) Only reason he didn't visit Stratosfear for that whole time is because Celestial specifically blocked off that pocket dimension.

Morword is surprisingly optimistic for seeing an infinite number of alternative timelines that the future could go into many of which includes people she cares about dying. But she chooses to specifically not think about that.

Pasless is one of the only people who knows about the infinite amount of timelines cause unlike the rest of them there is only one him and he is just split apart infinitely, he does a surprisingly good job at keeping the different parts of him separate and not letting anyone else know that he is constantly doing that. He talks to Morword about it occasionally though. Morword doesn't let him know how much it bothers her that those infinite number of timelines that she sees do actually happen in a different timeline.

That whole speech Morword and Pasless gave about how "you control the future but can someone else control the past and if so would we know" was incredibly pre-planned, they practice that for like a month straight once Morword saw that someone was going to see them.

(Yes, I am a sucker for them considering themselves siblings, how did you know?)

Stratosfear has PTSD.

The Red x did not have a name he consistently went by until someone else decided to name him (I want the first star savior to name him but I am not sure if that directly goes against the canon) and then once he realized he could change his name he went ballistic with changing his name. Like, come on he did it thrice.

Blueband is one of the few humans the Red x personally likes blueband is very loyal to the Red x and as a reward for his good behavior he gets to be pointified and keep his memories (he's the red guy who tried and failed to guard the elemental points) he's a little upset that he can't wear his hat anymore due to the horns. When blue bands pointified form I forgot his name and I don't care enough to look it up see stratosfear he exclusively refers to him as the star stealer, this annoys Stratosfear greatly.

VR! The shard savior is a 20 year old (or at least she thinks she is) named Charlotte (hooray I didn't steal that name form that fanfiction I read 2 years ago) who, as previously established, thinks it is completely normal to not remember the first 15 years of your life and is Celesteal's favorite creation. (She does not know this)

VR! Verfection (Yes, he is a pointified version of the second Star saver, he has lost all of his memories.) is best friends with the Voxier. (Their friendship is the poster child for extrovert adopts introvert) Verfection is one of the very few people that Voxier actually cares about and makes them actually want to exist and not return to the nothingness he (supposedly) came from.

VR! Verfection and Charlie freaking hate each other.

COS! Arrolin and Ixol freaking die. And on a completely unrelated note Compale loses one of his legs. (They're not supposed to be able to lose those but voixer managed to anyway) You see the joke is that it's not unrelated Ixol dies so Compale won't, haha. (This just in woman (me) who, once again, can't handle tragedies has made another tragedy.)

Still COS! Ixol also had the ability to see ghosts and was able to see Arrolin's ghost she was happy about this, Ixol was not. Ixol could always see ghosts, he just thinks he's really lost at this time, he already knew he was probably insane this was just the tipping point for him to actually realize it. Once Ixol is dead he also becomes a ghost and realizes he probably should have told the others before he kicked the bucket.

Also COS! geez I have a lot of head cannons for COS! Said crown of shadows is a corrupting force that corrupts the user and when in a room with only one person will attempt to attach itself to said person's head. Voixer would have without the crown of shadows never tried to actually kill the points just try to figure out a method to go back to the void it's only the crown of shadows that gave him the idea of killing the characters in the story to also kill himself to end the story. Not that the rest of the points will ever know this except for Nicholas.

You know what I'm just going to tell you when it's not COS! Anymore okay?: Oopsie Daisy, Nick, you killed the guy who the crown was on and you were the only person in the room, guess what the crown is going to try to do. That's right! Force itself on your head. So Nick any actively crumbling building thing starts getting pointified, uh-oh. Luckily for him he's in an actively crumbling building (a sentence that has probably been said exactly once) and the rubble knocks the crown of his head, (Yay!) it also cuts off his arm (Not yay!) because he is not fully point yet and he does not get the neat ability to regrow his limbs until after one of his limb is already gone.

He wakes up surprisingly okay for just being under a crumbling building, he's also a point now and actively missing an arm and there's also this evil crown trying to get on his head so in his panic he tries it to stuff it in his bag, this somehow works in stopping it.

A little meme based off of that:

He's going to go by verfection now because he feels a little weird in breaking tradition of choosing a new name when you become a point. He also got the ability to see ghosts, get haunted by your dead friends, idiot. Surprisingly this is good for Verfection's mental health because that means he can't completely isolate himself. Voixer doesn't directly haunt him because he feels a little still messed up in the head and also feels guilt, a lot of guilt, and shame, quite a bit of shame.

Verfection just went back to living at his house because he didn't tell anyone where he lived. Verfection is not doing well because even though he got the crown off soon enough that he didn't go completely mad he still isn't doing great mentally and feels a lot of guilt because he got the memories of Voixer and now feels like he killed someone who didn't deserve it. He's mostly just trying to keep the crown safe to stop anyone else from getting it put on their heads. Surprisingly putting it in a bag still is working. Just for safe measures he locked it in a specific room that no one is meant to go into as well as putting it in a safe in said room. He still has not told his friends he's alive because he feels a lot of guilt and a lot of emotions right now.

Also Signol just loses her memory again, don't worry she'll get it all back when they managed to figure out how symbol breaking works in the crown of shadows timeline which I haven't figured out how they're going to figure that out but I know they will figure it out.

FINALLY WE'RE DONE WITH CROWN OF SHADOWS FOR NOW

VR! Verfection was actually a scrapped idea that Celesteal had he scrapped it because he thought it was too similar to the first star savior's fate. However those scrapped ideas came out whenever the world started literally breaking.

None of them know how points work (except celesteal for obvious reasons) exactly they mostly got it figured out but sometimes they'll just figure out something completely new about how they work for instance,

Okay after this point I'm just going to specify when the vein reveal section is done: There would be a boss fight between Stratosfear and Anshine in which they would fuse and then not figure out how to defuse until after they were uncorrupted. After Celesteal was brought back he revealed but that's just a thing they can do and I've always been able to do he just never mentioned it before.

Despite the fact that Yawgate is on the side of "we need to bring celesteal back or else the world will literally end", it is important to know he is one of celesteal's top five biggest haters. Probably being biggest hater number two or three. He was often threatened with being erased from existence by him and over time him threatening to do that to people that you love and actually doing it at least once causes you to dislike a person over time.

In the final fight of "we shouldn't bring back an evil dictator who literally locked up a guy for 300 years cause he thought it'd be funny I guess" vs "okay but we literally need to bring him back or else the world will literally end we hate him too" Verfection accidentally cuts Charlie's arm off which simultaneously makes Verfection's symbol break due to the intensity of it all and causes Charlie to realize that she is indeed not human because her arm is bleeding pink and is shattering into shards that are actively rebuilding themselves in front of her. All of the same time celesteal is actively getting remade from the shards collected.

Celesteal did not intend to come back after being killed he did not think that the world would just shatter into pieces, he thought it would be more like a crown of shadows if anything. When he does come back he's like "Oh. Oh. I messed up didn't I? I made a miscalculation somewhere... :D Hiiiii Charlie! <3 My favorite creation! How are you doing? Oh, you've grown so much! What are they feeding you around here?" And everyone's just kind of standing there like "what".

ALRIGHT I THINK THAT'S THE END OF IT

I definitely forgot some of my head cannons (I have a lot) but this post is getting so like incredibly long I think I'm good with ending it here.

Ending notes:

"Why do half of the pre points know each other? It's not very realis-"

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫 I don't care. And they all live in pretty close vicinity just because that's easier for me. And by pretty close I mean no one is more than like a city away.

"Where are the elemental points? You barely mentioned them."

Shut up they're still there I just forgot their names and I don't have a lot of ideas for them all I know is blue bands pointified form I forgot his name was supposed to be guarding them, he failed at guarding them. They all want the crown of shadows because it is immensely powerful even though it's a corrupting Force I don't know what happens next I haven't thought about them nearly as much as the others.

I also have several au's including the previously established vein reveal and crown of shadows au's I explained above and several others including "pathetic loser villain OC makes Nicholas have a bad time" (ASK ME ABOUT HIM PLEASE) and "what if Verfection was a pure point" and other various ideas.

[mcflymemes]

AS SAID BY VARRIC TETHRAS  *  assorted dialogue from dragon age: inquisition

who designs a place that takes this many keys to get inside?

look at all the shit that's happened to you.

this shit is ruining my boots.

you've got to be kidding me.

i really am in the ass-end of nowhere now.

i'll take your word for it.

have we reached the stage where we gossip about each other's love lives?

we'll talk later.

nothing's stopping us from going back up.

one of those things would be impossible. all of them together? that's a miracle.

there was nothing simple about it.

you think we could take a couple of these books back with us?

my guess is another earthquake... that hits when we're halfway across the bridge.

i've had to write some letters.

no tantalizing secrets to divulge?

considering the company, i'm surprised it didn't feel longer.

does anybody else smell that? seriously? just me?

we're done here, right?

just take care of yourself.

i tried to warn you.

so it was just you, alone in the vast wilderness?

so we're getting the band back together? that's exciting.

let's try not to poke around someone else's grave, all right?

that had to hurt!

are you blushing?

let's not talk about it.

something about this place gives me the creeps.

i have no idea why places like this exist.

are we sure this is a good idea?

just because two people dislike each other doesn't mean they're about to kiss.

let's talk about your dark and troubled past.

i can almost promise you trouble when you arrive.

great place to get crapped on by a bird.

sounds like you two would have made a happy couple.

well, that screams "up to no good."

that's the seventh root i've tripped over in the last ten minutes.

i'm providing a service.

back me up!

how about dalliances? liaisons? illicit affairs?

you don't want to talk about yourself. i can respect that. so what do we talk about, then?

i'd also like to avoid falling.

i could help, you know.

i make up for it elsewhere.

are you going to blame me for that, too?

well, no one would peg you as a spy.

what? no! why would you even ask that?

let's try not to get eaten, shall we?

good spot for it. i wouldn't look here for anything.

my money's on this being a trap.

i'll keep that in mind.

maybe the locals will lend us a boat.

some things never change.

too attached to hitting things with your fists?

well, you've got to give me something.

personally i think it's some kind of compensation thing.

anybody else vote that we never come here again?

all this fresh air is making me lightheaded.

you remind me of someone.

are you all right?

i got to ask, does any of this shit make sense to you?

i'm not sure what that even means.

of course i'm concerned! i don't need you prodding me with a stick to prove it.

i hate caves.

thank you for not torturing me. i'm so much happier now.

we'll have to find another way.

how do you like being described?

poor bastards.

be still my heart. i've grown on you.

whatever it does, it's probably ancient and invaluable.

so what do we expect to find here?

you're asking me?

i'm hoping if i ignore it, it'll go away.

there's a lot of work to do.

just what we needed.

i didn't specify whose ass, did i?

you want to get shit done, right?

have you been reading the inscriptions?

it's just... all that niceness.

the only thing they seem to have in common is a tendency to burn things.

so there's a rational explanation after all.

well... that's gruesome.

where's the sneaking? the plotting? the subtle machinations?

most people are like cats. they either puff up to look dangerous or they crouch down and hope you don't see them.

it generally helps to respect local traditions now and then.

i've heard some people actually enjoy walking in the wilderness.

anyone know the name of this river?

someone remembered to bring water, right?

it's... hard to explain.

if they're busy staring at your hat, they're ignoring all your other flaws.

beg your pardon? i didn't catch that.

hm... i don't want to bore people.

how could you possibly be a spy?

ooh, that's a tough one.

look, i have to complain, or you'll forget i'm even here and trip over me!

how are you holding up? you've been quiet for a while.

i don't know what you're complaining about. you're taller than i am.

if you love a character, you give them pain, ruin their lives, make them suffer. maybe even throw in a heroic death.

you doing all right? i heard you breathing a little hard after the last fight.

no, no... that was good.

i will try my best not to do the impossible.

no argument there.

you seem the type.

you think i get any fun hanging out with them?

well, what you do doesn't make sense.

it seems like you're not having the effect you could.

keep acting like a big shot and hope it sticks.

[cookinguptales]

Okay so... clearly people want to make sure I saw the Hanged Man imagery in 5.05...

Putting aside that I think it's very funny that this is apparently what people associate with me now, the reason I haven't really talked about it is because I'm not really sure what I think about it.

Yes, I saw the post. Yes, I saw the imagery while I was watching. But what does it mean? It's not that I don't have any ideas; it's more the opposite? I'm still not 100% convinced that all this is being done on purpose (though... it's certainly starting to feel more pointed the more it happens) but if it is being done on purpose... god, it could mean so many different things.

I talked about what The Hanged Man means a bit in my WWDITS tarot series, but it's one of those cards with a lot of different implications, and it's hard to know whether these things are being applied to specific characters, the overall narrative, etc.

So... some possibilities that immediately come to mind:

Colin Robinson as The Hanged Man. He was one of the characters I seriously considered for this card, so like. I get it. Particularly in s4 he seemed trapped in a sort of transitional period, and he still doesn't quite seem to have his path figured out. Like he's said himself, he just kinda keeps on truckin'. CR as Hanged Man could be alluding to his feelings of alienation from both humans and the other vampires. It could be a reference to his looping existence that prevents him from ever fully moving forward. It could be a reference to his meditative journey of self-discovery. This could go a lot of ways, tbh.

Many people talk about the Major Arcana as a journey, and The Hanged Man appears about halfway through when a break is needed to self-reflect, reassess, rest, etc. It can allude to feeling "stuck" or like you can't find a place where you fit. It's a highly liminal card, which -- again, it can go a lot of ways. If this is being applied to the overall narrative, is this an allusion to the halfway point? To the last few moments of internality and thinking before everything goes to shit? To the fact that a lot of characters currently feel "stuck"? To the way that no one can quite find a place for themselves anymore?

If anything, in this episode in particular, it feels like The Hanged Man might refer to Guillermo. He's hovering between two states, human and vampire, and he definitely feels trapped there. He feels trapped by his physicality (unable to use and control vampiric powers but still being burned by the symbols/people that used to protect him), trapped by his decisions (The Hanged Man is also occasionally used as imagery about punishment), and feels utterly stuck. He currently cannot move forward and does not know why. He's being forced to reconsider a lot of the driving beliefs and goals that have propelled him this far, and he's not necessarily liking what he's discovering.

Can this refer to the characters as a whole? Most of them feel like they're at a midway point in their current journeys, still feeling out information but currently unable to put it together in a way that makes sense. Nadja investigating her curse/Antipaxon family. Laszlo investigating Guillermo's change. Guillermo living through that change and investigating ways forward. Nandor being deeply suspicious of a change that he can sense but cannot make sense of. He doesn't even know what to investigate. All of them do feel a bit stuck, not just Guillermo and Colin.

Could this be an allusion to the way that vampires are liminal beings in this show? It's made incredibly clear in this episode that they don't really fit in anywhere and have this trauma of knowing that any "home" will last only as long as they keep their secrets. They have this trauma of knowing that there is no place for them, and they exist outside all accepted societal boundaries. They hang between worlds, and the lives that they've built are kind of inherently temporary. They're kind of constantly in a waiting period, aren't they, and they never know how long it'll last. Guillermo is only just now understanding what he's going to have to give up to join them.

Speaking of which, The Hanged Man is also a sign of sacrifice. This is a lesser-used reading, admittedly, but still very common. Is it a reference to the way Colin Robinson wanted to stand and fight, even if he had to sacrifice his life? Is it a reference to Guillermo sacrificing both of his families to his ambition, and really quickly coming to regret that? I worry a little bit about how this particular reading might come back to hurt us all later.

Honestly... these are my initial thoughts, but it's really just the tip of the iceberg. The Hanged Man is a card with a lot of different meanings attached to it, and it could be applied very broadly to the cast and overall events of the season. I have a lot of ideas, but like... it's hard to know where to direct them!

in conclusion

[callipraxia]

Well, folks, here it is. The ATOTS review. It...really could not have been done together with the NWHS review, that was a silly idea. Here is a link to a Google doc with the previous S2 reviews arranged in chronological order, if you want to catch up on those (not sure many people saw the second part of the NWHS review) and don't want to deal with wading through tags and reblogs of reblogs and such. That said...

A Tale of Two Stans

1) And now here we are. A Tale of Two Stans. Aka, the episode that proves you can break the “writing rules” if you’re good enough, since an info-dump like this would normally be a no-no, and yet…well, here we go:

2) Aww, tiny Ford. Why would there be a boarded up stash of mesoamerican gold in New Jersey? Did you also do that thing Dipper does where sometimes he doesn’t really know what a big word means? Possible reference to the whole mesoamerican salamander thing? 

3) Oh, Ford did kinda make it into the opening sequence, didn’t he? Last picture to fall on the stack before the title card of the Mystery Crew. Kinda fitting, given that despite being very important from here on out, he still holds himself a bit aloof from most of the cast for the majority of that time. 

4) I know why the writers had to include that awkward “brother!” line (so people catching up would remember, “oh, yeah, Stan said that this person was the Author of the Journals and his brother…and then the camera revealed he meant twin brother,” and so they could avoid calling Ford anything for a little while), but it was just…awkward. We see in flashbacks that Stan did sometimes call him “Stanford,” so I have to wonder if anyone would have noticed had Stan gotten halfway through the word and then gotten socked in the jaw. Or heck, even just called him “Ford” - though I’ve gathered that enough of the fandom had already guessed there were twins and one was called Stanley by this point that they might have actually said “wait, what?” upon Stan bringing forth “his” rarely-heard second syllable at the sight of his brother. 

5) …And then you see that however clubby they were in the flashback, something has clearly gone Very Wrong in the interim. Or would that be apparent to someone viewing this in isolation, I wonder? Stan’s repeatedly remarked that he’s been working on his project for thirty years, and Powers had previously implied that the machine did…something…thirty years ago in “Scaryoke.” Perhaps someone thought Mr. Mysterious Man With No Name was just very, very confused…and then got to the rest of the episode. 

…Though once you’ve seen the rest of the series and especially if you’ve spent far, far too much of your life dissecting Ford’s character on a molecular level, it is noteworthy in its way that all he did was punch Stan. Does he have a bit of a “do not shoot people who closely resemble relatives” policy? Considering the things we know about the multiverse, such a policy could probably have gotten him killed fifteen times over even assuming he didn’t stumble into a parallel Earth where the Shapeshifter had escaped, eaten Stan, and set up shop just to wait for the person it *really* wanted to kill to come back���.

Hm. If the Shapeshifter stayed in one form for long enough, would it age the way that form would? I have no idea, my brain is wandering off on tangents again. Anyway, back to the episode. 

6) I am…unsure what to make of the fact Ford a) instantly recognized this individual as ‘his’ Stan, despite being aware of others existing, b) immediately figured out Stan is responsible for the portal restarting, without even checking to see if there are other people in the room, implying he isn’t altogether surprised that Stan would do this, and c) gets mad about it and launches into an argument as though picking right back up where he left off thirty years ago. And Stan goes straight from…all kind of emotions to sarcasm “some kind of…sci-fi sideburn dimension?”) with just as little hesitation. 

7) “Just because you’re family.” Dang, this makes Stan’s outburst at the end of the episode that much more painful to think about. 

8) “Stan, you didn’t tell me there were children down here.” That…would have been one of the upsides of giving the guy time to say…much of anything before you started yelling, Ford. Just saying.

9) Oh gosh, poor Dipper. Just…poor Dipper. 

10) “Also maybe the entire U.S. government.” “The WHAT?!” That…was some pretty impressive lede-burying, Stan. 

11) “Okay, it’s all right.” There’s Ford, never wanting to admit he’s completely lost control of the situation (I might not have noticed this, but happen to have reread the Ford essay of doom this morning)

12) Gotta compliment the animators on the scene where Ford (completely unaware he’s doing so) drops the bombshell that he’s not Stanley. The camera isn’t really focused on Stan in particular, but he has an utterly “oh [redacted] this is gonna go over like a lead balloon” expression on his face even before Mabel says his name is Stanford.

13) You know Stan was deliberately crafting his retelling of his childhood, focusing on the boat and how they were always a team and etc. Of course, we know from later sections that Stan isn’t necessarily telling the kids everything he remembers (he may not have narrated the scene with Crampelter to them, for instance) but his wording in the speaking bits are clearly trying to remind Ford of “good times.” 

14) If you look closely, when Stan jumps into the science fair picture, Ford momentarily looks…something. An expression of consternation is observable. Considering what he later says to Dipper about how being a twin’s a very claustrophobic experience, and the fact they both get called to the office when only one of them was wanted…yeah, I’m going with the theory that Ford wasn’t quite as happy as Stan might have liked to think for a while before the Incident proved the straw that broke the camel’s back. In the beach scene, Tiny Ford muses on whether there is a place where “freaks like me” fit in. I think this sums up a subtle but important difference in the characters: Ford wanted to find a place in society that would accept him, while Stan’s goal was just to get away from it and find a place where neither of them would need acceptance anymore. Which makes it interesting that Ford’s sometimes perceived as the ‘loner’ twin - Ford himself might want to think that, but truth is, he’s wanted to be amongst people since he was a small child, he just couldn’t figure out their social behaviors well enough to remotely compensate for having an unusual physical feature. On one hand, he can function much better when he’s truly on his own than Stan can, but on the other, one reason why Bill might have found Stan harder to manipulate is because of how very exclusive the list of people with opinions Stan actually cares about seems to be. He’s much more comfortable being an outsider…just so long as he has that little group of people on his side. Without them, however…not so much.

15) Why on Earth did the receptionist call “Pines twins” instead of just one of them? Was it just assumed Stan would show up whether called or not (if only out of confusion), or just a habit of everyone treating them as so much of a unit that even the school staff had to remind itself “oh, yeah, this isn’t actually some ‘person with two personalities’ deal, they’re separate people who are in fact capable of walking down hallways independently.”

16) Oh gosh, I just now noticed that the ears are drawn just as…blank things, and now I can’t unsee it. 

17) Hi, Principal Guy? I hate you. Just for the record. I think Caryn might agree with me; blink and you’ll miss it, but she clearly gives the guy some kind of Look when he gets to that “and his name’s Stanley” bit, and it could be interpreted as a glare.

(18) Seriously, this...the school sections just anger me for very specific reasons...not least of which is how, er, close to accurate it kinda is in some ways, regardless of how far off it is in others. I have relatives in the same age range as the Stans. One of them once had a teacher snidely remark that he’d pull the hood of his sweater up over his head, too, if he was as ugly as her; he then punished her for said rule infraction by making her walk home after school in the rain. The guy was eventually made to apologize to her very unimpressed and irate mother, but the fact remains – he felt perfectly comfortable saying that out loud to a student’s face in the seventies, just as Ford is the only person in the room here who seems to fully realize ‘wait, that was...not really so much a compliment to me as a setup for insulting Stan, and that’s kinda messed up from both directions.’ Now, I work in education, so I know the system is still seriously screwed up in lots of ways...but at least there would be a reasonable expectation of negative consequences for anyone who said something like that to a student or parent these days.)

19) Setting, briefly, aside how much I’d like to kick the principal character and then give him a lengthy lecture on why he sucks as an educator on every possible front...his remarks about Stan potentially not finishing high school are the reason why I’ve always favored the timeline which puts this in the second half of their junior year of high school instead of their senior year. If it was senior year, after all, then Stan could have continued to coast on Ford’s papers for the rest of the term, or – in the extremely unlikely event Ford just went straight to college without passing Go or collecting 200 diplomas or anything like that – just the school handwaving him through. It only makes sense if he had at least a solid, not-started semester left to fail spectacularly in, and a year left seems more reasonable.

20) This would, however, mean that Filbrick did not kick one of his kids out a couple of months before the kid was eighteen (which still would have been a deplorable thing to do), but a sixteen-year-old. So yeah, kicks and lectures to Filbrick, too.

21) Stan, you’re breaking my heart here. How. Many. Times. In this review set have I mentioned that you’d solve a lot more of your problems if you just told people what they were instead of being defensive and making attempts at jokes and just generally deflecting the situation. I mean, you probably weren’t going to get the outcome you wanted even if you had communicated, but you might have not, y’know, gotten disowned as a teenager, thrown out on the street, and left to fend for yourself and therefore almost inevitably slip into a life of crime.

22) If Stan didn’t intentionally smash the thing, he...probably shouldn’t have phrased the lead-up to the Science Fair Incident that way in his voice-over.

23) it’s kind of interesting to note how far back Stan’s tendency to talk to inanimate objects goes - one assumes he was projecting Ford onto the Journals when he would seemingly monologue to those, but who was he really talking to when he told the machine it was “all your fault!” Thinking back on what I said in my “Little Gift Shop of Horrors” reviews…his attempts to dissociate Ford’s academic giftedness from his base personality, his inability to communicate…it’s tempting to wonder if he’s kind of speaking to Ford when he’s ranting at the machine, too. He might not realize it consciously - would probably go to any lengths to avoid recognizing the fact, actually - but….

24) A lot of people have commented on how stupid the college admissions board bit is (how it’s extremely implausible that they wouldn’t at least look over the work he put into the thing, how they give their school a bad name being rude, etc.), but have an extra point from me: why was an asterfladjik perpetual motion machine being kept right out in the open with the other science fair projects, anyway? For all we know, Crampelter did the majority of the damage in the interim just for spite or something. Or Blendin, or...get the picture? The irresponsibility of whoever was in charge of the exhibits is probably at least as much to blame as anyone else for things going awry there.

25) Stan cost “our family” potential millions. Not “your brother.” “Our family.” The Pines tendency toward groupthink really isn’t just a Stan and Mabel thing, they all have it to some degree – unless, of course, one interprets things as uncharitably as possible, in which case Filbrick and Stan might both use “our family” and “this family” as a cover for “me,” to make a totally selfish objective look better….

Yeah, I know I say I have fun doing it, and I do – but too much character analysis can…kinda start to get to you after a while. Become involuntary. Prompt you to put forward these possibilities in public, as if you were still in English 400-something…Engage with caution, kids.

26) Pity Stan didn’t actually, y’know, go into sales. He managed to a) come up with a convincing-looking product as a teenager with no resources, b) presumably talk his way into an opportunity to pitch it to TV, and c) actually sell what looks like a decent number of fake clothes cleaners and shoddy pitchforks. And then just. Keep. doing it. Over and over again (the map showing glimpses of his travels indicates he got into horse racing at some point, doubtless losing his shirt as one generally eventually does when gambling, and…we probably don’t even want to know why he was being chased by guys with machetes outside the country, do we, but apparently he was also hawking lousy tennis rackets in his twenties along with the previously-viewed StanVac.). In a legit sales job, he might well have done all right for himself….

Except, of course, for it being…tricky to get a job outside of manual labor/something in a plant or mill without a diploma, and, perhaps even more importantly…Stan being Stan. His personality would render him utterly unsuited to joining a sewing plant or a cotton mill, at the very least, even if he’d been so inclined (I don’t know much about meat-packing plants or anything like that, but three generations of my family worked in the same sewing plant; decent living, but you had to have social skills more advanced than any of the Pineses demonstrated to flourish in such an environment, and of course you’d never get rich at it), and possibly for working closely with others/in a subordinate position at all. Despite his lack of self-esteem, Stan does not take orders especially well; we see when he tries and fails to call Ford for help (and then lies about it to the kids) that he’s proud as well as touchy and someone who just fundamentally…struggles to stay within the lines dictated by normal society, really. Perhaps it’s a mental illness or other mental issue (his shoplifting could well be indicative of a compulsive tendency as well as his depression and possible Issues post-homelessness, and when his behavior is looked at as a whole, I imagine it would be quite easy to make a case for him as someone with one of the major personality disorders, especially given his extreme emotional volatility. He could also reasonably be interpreted as having ADHD, with an emphasis on the poor-impulse-control aspect. Most likely, there’s more than one thing a psychiatrist could put a label on going on with him, really), but one gets the impression that Stan just…cannot help himself, or at least finds it extremely difficult to do so. Independent business probably really was his best option, all things considered - though under better circumstances, it might have consisted of something like “eventually taking over the business from the old man” or some joint venture with one of his brothers, not, er, endless con games and dodgy product sales. 

27) I do not wish to recall how much time I spent trying to google “universities that were viewed as always second-choice schools in the seventies” and similar terms, trying to pin down where Backupsmore might be/what it might be vaguely based on. 

28) It’s also interesting to contemplate…sure, a kid might want to go to CalTech, and, for whatever reason, might not manage. This does not mean said kid could not still get into a really excellent school which could just as easily be someone else’s first choice…which, frankly, it’s hinted Backupsmore…might have been, looked at from a more objective perspective than Ford’s? Perhaps it didn’t have the good publicity of some others, but Ford seems to have flourished there both academically and (by his standards) socially. That’s where he met Fiddleford, someone he considers even brighter than himself. They had a DDMD group, and this resulted in him noting in the Journal that he had ‘friends’, plural. He made rapid progress in his studies and wrote a nationally-ranked doctoral thesis in at least one of the hard sciences at an age when a lot of folks are still working on undergraduate (we’re never given an exact number, but based on a combination of him noting that he is “in his thirties” six years after arriving in Gravity Falls and a lot of googling about how long standard programs in various areas last, I’m…guessing that to be as far ahead as he says he was, he was probably around 23-24. At most.). This is where he also apparently, for reasons unknown, a) participated in a competition to invent mind control devices for a politician and b) even knew that was what the competition was for, which was…interesting (in a fic, I made this a plot point by saying the people who sponsored that program were from the same government agency as Powers and Trigger). It’s understandable why he might be bitter about having a golden opportunity to go to The Very Best snatched away almost as soon as it was presented to him, but it doesn’t seem like Backupsmore was really all that bad of a school. The dorms comment…I never lived in a dorm, but my understanding is that it’s quite common for them to have these sorts of problems, even at good schools. Just one of those “communal living” things, particularly when the residents are at one of those ages where a lot of them are not much invested in keeping their environments clean and tidy. 

29) Tea club represent! (I am…quite enthusiastic on the subject of hot tea, so I notice when characters have it. Especially when they are Americans, as this can imply that some thought was put into the decision to draw that instead of a coffee cup)

30) “Just…going to ignore that.” Oh, gosh, poor Dipper. It’s funny - if you just watched this episode, you’d walk away with the impression Mabel and Ford were going to get along fabulously while Ford thought “...what is wrong with that one?” about Dipper. But for Gompers, I guess….

31) Just saying…Fiddleford apparently had a pretty nice house. Unless, of course, the implication is that he, Emma-May, and Tate were literally living in the garage and that the house belonged to someone else, but this seems unlikely. He also seems to have had some business going on his own already, plus whatever Emma-May might have brought in (I’ve written her as a schoolteacher before, and there’s no reason, really, why she shouldn’t be in much any profession one might wish to place her in. It was 1980. Everybody was on the Pill and women were allowed to have private bank accounts even after marriage. Maybe she was the breadwinner, I’m just noting that Fiddleford hardly seems to have been a starving visionary, one way or another)

32) I love the implication that Ford didn’t bother with comments like “hello” or “this is Stanford,” but just sprang “multi-dimensional meta-vortex” on Fiddleford in the first sentence…and Fiddleford just instantly did the calculations in his head to determine it “mathematically feasible” without missing a beat. 

33) In the field of detail work - it could be interpreted differently at the time, but we see Fiddleford being a little sloppy with where he put his feet, and them both looking grim just before launching the dummy - all in keeping with the eventual reveals that they were both extremely sleep-deprived and had just had a nasty quarrel the night before. 

34) Hate to say it, Stan, but…frame of mind your brother was in at the time, I wouldn’t have entirely ruled out biting under the right circumstances. 

35) Stan is the quickest man on two feet with a snappy comeback. Not always to his benefit, but guess you gotta work with the skills you have.

36) Ford, on one hand, you’re quite right - Stan really does have no idea what you’re up against. He exists, at this point, 90% in the mundane world, where things are…usually not as dramatic as they are in yours. Out of context, it sounds like you’re just complaining that you have dangerous enemies; Stan’s response to the mailman a few days earlier was to grab a baseball bat on the assumption that anyone who knocked on his door would be an enemy, so that much, he gets completely. On the other hand, Stan is also right - you really do have no idea what he’s been through. Heck, you both robbed the United States government and he’s the only one who got caught for it; I highly doubt you’d been to any prison (at least at this point), much less a South American prison in the seventies, and things were going pretty well for you until…well, frankly, they hadn’t been going all that well for the past two years, but you didn’t realize it until much more recently. On yet another hand, though, Stan - you looked concerned a mere scene ago that Ford might be going off the deep end, and you were kinda right about that. Man answered the door rambling about people stealing his eyes, and he just handed you some tatty, ragged-looking handwritten book that he’d glued a silhouette of his own hand onto like some kind of grade school art project, all while rambling about how you had to take it to the ends of the Earth to prevent terrible destruction. If you know about Bill, of course, this is all perfectly logical…but without that knowledge, Ford doesn’t look like someone being insensitive here, he looks like someone suffering from severe paranoid delusions, possibly having some kind of psychotic episode. Either way, it’s quite obvious there’s something…Very Wrong. 

But then we get back to the theme, boys: communication. Do some of that sometime, won’t you? I mean, you’ve tried everything else, you might as well give this a shot, yeah?

(In real terms, though…this scene is one of the painfully realistic ones. Neither party is thinking straight; for various reasons, neither party may be capable of thinking straight for a sustained amount of time. As an adult who’s seen some Stuff, Stan realizes that there is something…wrong…here…but even leaving aside how frightening it would be to find a relative in that state, and how much you’d try to deny it was as bad as it was by analogizing it to Caryn on a caffeine overdose, this is just Not Something Stan Is Remotely Equipped To Deal With, and wouldn’t really be equipped to deal with even if he didn’t have so many issues of his own. We don’t know how long he’s been traveling, but traveling will wear you out quick enough, and we know the state Ford was in. Neither of them was in anything like any condition to control his temper well even if either had had a better track record than they do, and so, you’ve got two people with anger issues who are playing with incomplete decks here, and who have a lot of personal history…one starts talking over the other, they’re exchanging shots now instead of actually discussing the issue, then next thing you know…yeah. I’ve never actually had it come to blows, but I’ve had a lot of arguments with relatives which played out depressingly similarly, where you’re trying to make a point and the other person jumps in with something else and next thing you know, neither of you is talking about the original subject at all anymore, you’re yelling about something seemingly unrelated. Or possibly even two totally different subjects at once, even though both of you think you’re on the same topic. That’s always…fun….) 

37) I know I was defending Backupsmore a few items ago, but, uh…they didn’t have a single lab safety class in there, Ford? And/or they let you in the lab after you failed one in epic fashion? Cause everything about this screams “I never read the lab safety rules in my life!” 

38) I also have to wonder if…more than just errors that are attributable to Ford being bad at lab safety was at work here, though. Fiddleford put half a foot over the safety line and got sucked in; Stan ran over it and almost to the base of the thing without it affecting him even as Ford, in the same moments, a) could throw a book hard enough to overcome the gravity suspension but b) could not stop himself from going through the Portal. 

39) “That’ll be 99 cents.” Ways You Know This Was Set Before I Was Born….

40) Y’know, I never realized it, but…Lazy Susan changed the course of history. Stan presumably would have either left the store without buying anything or (it is Stan, after all) tried to punch Ma Duskerton in the face before running out the door with the loaf of bread in question if Susan hadn’t happened to mistake him for Ford…and then Toby and Blubbs started telling stories about the “mysterious science guy”’s reputation…and next thing you know, Stan has created the basic idea for the Mystery Shack out of pure desperation. If that hadn’t happened, then nothing else in canon could have proceeded to happen: Stan would probably be dead or permanently in prison by now, Ford would have mysteriously disappeared without a trace when the Northwest Realty people finally came to knock down the door to demand overdue mortgage payments, and Dipper and Mabel would never have come to town. Aside from issues of prophecy and destiny and all that, there’s also just how it’s implied this is the first time Dipper’s had friends…basically ever. They both do a lot of personal growth over that summer, especially him, which they wouldn’t have had otherwise. All because of Lazy Susan, of all people. 

41) 1982. Bread costs 99 cents per loaf. And they all just forked over fifteen dollars apiece. That was rather good money in those days, no wonder Stan’s eyes did that thing upon seeing it presented to him. 

41) Oh, Lazy Susan also inspired “Mr. Mystery”? Dang, Susan, you are surprisingly important! 

42) I’ve noted it before, but I’ll note it again: look at the surroundings of Stan’s mirror in the aging montage. At first, we see a bunch of papers about Stan himself. Next shot, still a lot of papers about Stan/his business, but he’s also taped a picture of himself and Ford as small children to the wall beside it - motivation, I suppose. Then in the final shot, he’s replaced his own “Employee of the ‘Month’ plaque with one declaring Soos the Employee of the Year, and where the picture of himself and Ford was, there’s now a framed photograph of Dipper and Mabel on the fishing trip. I’ll be the first to point out his occasionally questionable motives and ethics and multitude of character flaws, but credit where credit is due: man built a life for himself through genuine work (hey, making up tall tales is a valid job, what else do you call what authors do?)...and then was prepared to throw it all out the window, as he *had* to know that there were going to be…issues…with having killed off his original identity if he really did get Ford back/when Ford got back and saw the length of ‘his’ alleged rap sheet for the past thirty years. He had some personal motivations, of course (he felt guilty about what had happened; he wanted the relationship they’d had as children back; etc), but considering how much he had to lose by 2012, it’s hard not to give Stan some credit when deciding whether or not he genuinely thought he was doing the right thing. 

43) “The town. My family. Your parents. Even you kids.” Ah, this is why I assumed that Stan was just airbrushed out of the family’s collective memory after his disownment and that nobody knew he was really Stanley all those years - he lumps ‘your parents’ and ‘you kids’ together as distinct units, implying that ‘my family’ would mean his own parents and presumably the twins’ grandfather. Also, I find Ford’s expression very difficult to interpret here. 

44) And then there’s one of those moments when it’s hinted that Dipper and Stan are a lot more alike than either of them might be fully comfortable with - as soon as he’s heard the story, Dipper instantly apologizes for his…actually extremely reasonable doubts and anger in the first part of the episode. It’s not just that even Stan would have trouble believing a tale as tall as the truth of his life: it’s that Stan never told them a tale to begin with, which just left them to draw their own conclusions. I…really can’t think of a sensible interpretation Dipper could have reached other than “this guy is a murdering identity thief who isn’t related to me at all and…even if he doesn’t want to end the world, this is still probably not good, whatever he’s doing” with the evidence he had at the time, especially after the conversation in “Scaryoke” where Stan ‘fessed up to lying about the town and promised that was the end of it. It would, to some extent, be fair to be a bit upset with Stan about this even after learning the truth…but he isn’t. It really was for the family, then? Oh, ok, we’re good. 

45) I know the random utility of the totem pole is a bit contrived, but I’ll give ‘em their due: we did see in “Scaryoke” that Stan had security cameras showing the exterior of the property on monitors in the lab, so that’s actually a reasonably sensible place for some electronics to have been after all, I guess.

46) Ford admittedly did a decent enough improv job right up until he fumbled the technology, but it was a good thing Powers and Trigger were a bit dazed and confused - otherwise, they…might have noticed that his “very real report” was actually a picture of Mabel, outlined in flames and apparently laughing maniacally beneath a caption of ‘what hath science wrought?!’, considering it was in plain view of everyone for several shots there. 

47) I just realized that the timeline I established once means I almost certainly wrote three novels where Ford is stuck in his just-left-the-Portal outfit: aka, high-collared black rags that make him look a bit like a vampire that’s recently been in a knife fight. I’m…sure this did wonders for him all the times it would have helped him out to be perceived as a Respectable Sort Of Person We Should Listen To….

48) Anyone else really, really want to know what they were talking about for…at least a while, considering it was sunset (but still very much not dark at all) when Soos left the porch and full dark with stars out when it cut to the infamous mirror conversation? Especially since the fact that they were still talking fairly civilly - even joking - at that point meant that the previous conversation…probably was actually going reasonably well, or at least as well as could be expected, all things considered? 

Well, there. I did it. A Tale of Two Stans, a full reaction. It only took the entire day….

....Eh, worth it.

[kiisuuumii]

cw suicidal ideation mention

hope for any kind of livable, long-term future has been dwindling quickly. becoming worse in the last two months than in the past year as a whole.

the global south is burning, permafrost in the north is melting. im being asked to choose between a cult leader and a genocidal dementia patient. our supreme court told companies that they can dump whatever they want into our food, water, and air, that /actually/, experts in our government dont know what theyre talking about. they made the president a king. anti-homelessness infrastructure keeps being built, and homelessness is rapidly being criminalized. slavery still exists under the guise of a prison system. h5n1 is on the rise, and covid is a permanent mainstay of american culture. microsoft wants me to download what is essentially spyware, in an increasingly surveilled society. flint STILL doesnt have clean running water. they wanna build oil pipelines through the great lakes. my tax dollars are going to maim and kill families halfway across the world. and i dont have free healthcare or education, or anything that would make any of this even a little bit better.

somehow even still, my biggest worry is whether im a good person or not. if ive made decisions i can be proud of or not.

and i dont think i am, or that i have. its not even that im beginning to think this. its that, at this point, i dont think im redeemable in any way.

i dont let something good be good. i will always do something to push it so very far away, because its not exactly what or how i want, or beat it to death, in the name of wanting to love and care for it.

i used to tell myself that i was very glad that i didnt kill myself at fifteen, because i wouldnt have found sleep token, or the people i love now. i wouldnt have learned how much i actually love writing. i wouldnt have seen my dogs grow up. i wouldnt have ever played d&d, or tried some of my now favorite foods, or experienced the magic of the stupidly mundane things, like pill bugs, or seasonal flowers, or whistles in the wind.

now its hard to be so sure. even despite the things thatve made me happy. and i keep thinking about something someone told me. how they wondered if they shouldve indulged more in similar thoughts growing up. or something to that effect.

and im starting to wonder now too, if i should have.

[rox-and-prose]

Audio drama post questions:

8, 15, 19, 20

i am READY babe

8. If you could have a crossover between any two shows which would it be?

I've answered this before and said Midnight Burger showing up in any show would be great and I stand by that, but I wanna give another possibility as well.

Well I started to flip through what I've listened to and an idea struck me that was so silly and involved shows with two such WILDLY different tones that I had to share the idea: The Amelia Project and The Silt Verses. I'm not tagging either show in this because I'm not sure they'd find it as amusing as I would, but it would be very funny to me to hear the Interviewer try to work out how to fake a death in such a way as to hide it from a body horror god. Oh ohhhh my god what if he was trying to fake the death of a Saint. Okay sorry this is so silly and it probably would have to be comedic all the way through to work so it would take away from the weight of TSV but also it would be so funny.

15. Uno reverse! What’s a question YOU want to ask everyone else about audio drama?

I'm not sure actually. Um. Mostly I ask people about like, hey have you listened to this show or was this bit as poorly done as i thought or what are your thoughts on dropping people who purposefully put wet mouth sounds into their audio-only medium into a pit of broken glass and lemon juice.

I guess maybe I'd ask what kind of things they let audio dramas get away with. Subpar acting or writing or sound design that sort of thing. Idk why that interests me but it does. I like audio dramas on their merits and I find it interesting that I don't often worry as much about their faults as I would in other mediums.

My other question would be if the podcast company Realm makes people as irritated as it makes me, but that's probably just a personal thing.

19. Which podcast do you think would make a great TTRPG book?

This is another one I've answered before and said Valence, but I'm gonna try to think of another real quick.

I'm ignoring actual play podcasts and ones based on existing ttrpgs because that seems fair. I'm also gonna disqualify improvised shows because they're halfway there already and that feels like cheating a little.

I could say the reallt easy answer a bunch of people probably already know, but instead I'll say probably The Beacon ( @thebeaconpodcast ).

20. Which podcast character do you think would have their own podcast in an AU?

I'm not entirely sure if I've understood this correctly but I think there's a world where Mrs Sheffield from Oz 9 has a spinoff series.

[kitausuret]

harryflash

Hehe.. hehehe.... If you guys thought I shipped parksborn, you ain't seen nothin' yet. This is a ship involving Flash Thompson. So yeah, I ship it. You know I ship it. You KNOOOOOOW.

(Webspinners #3... "Flashster".)

What made you ship it?

Honestly, it was an old fic by @amaronith that had literally like, one mention of HarryFlash, but that's all I needed. Ama is one of my most trusted Spidey writers, and while it wasn't for years more than I would start shipping them in earnest, she kind of planted the seed.

Hilariously, similar to my thoughts on Parksborn, it was an early issue of ASM that made me really love the idea of them - Flash throwing himself (stupidly) at Kraven to try and protect Harry is just so funny and endearing. I love him. He's DUMB.

(Amazing Spider-Man #47, Lee & Romita... you guys have no idea how much I want to own this issue.)

I think also though I'm really intrigued by the idea of HarryFlash because Harry is soooooo different from literally everyone else I ship Flash with. BUT. The more and more I read, the more I'm just like "well I guess Harry is just the exception because he's just that special and amazing and lovable".

What are your favorite things about the ship?

I'm not gonna lie - there's a lot of hints throughout the text about Harry having had a crush on Flash in early college and maybe even high school. And I think it's adorable.

(Amazing Spider-Man (2015) #13.. thanks, @hellomystraightlacedfriend ! Hilariously, this is both a Parksborn and a HarryFlash moment. I really couldn't lose with this stupid joke.)

There's also THIS silly moment from Untold Tales #4 which is like... Harry. Mr. Osborn. How would YOU be able recognize at a glance a football star from another school. Boy you are not that into sports. Are you on Flash's MySpace. Are you?

Anyways I know that's a stretch but I just think it would be funny.

Flash being weirdly jealous of Peter is also like. A LOT. (Panels below from Spider-Man Blue.)

And of course there's the GOOD stuff like the roommates era!!! I love Harry and Flash roommates.

They're so funny and Flash was trying so hard to be supportive... right before Liz snatched Harry up lmaoooo

(that's okay, I low-key ship Harry/Liz/Flash. Maybe not so low-key. You guys know me, I don't ship anything halfway. I mean... the "Flash is their third" vibes are STRONG here:

Okay I am getting carried away with these panels and too lazy to properly label all the issues they come from SO. Overall I just think they're really cute and they have so much history, and such a long, long, LONG friendship. And Flash clearly adores Harry. There's nothing Flash wouldn't do for him.

Even when he's at death's door, Flash is there to save his friend. If that's not love, what is? (ASM #800 below)

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I don't think this ship is popular enough for any of my opinions to be unpopular. I'm sure there are plenty of people who don't understand where this ship is even coming from, because it's not hardly hinted at in almost any adaptation. But like all my ships, I would never want to see HarryFlash exist in a vacuum. I still would want all their other canon relationships to have happened, particularly for Harry, because his family is really important to me. Similar to how I feel about Parksborn, the journey of their relationship is critical in my eyes.

I also have not one but two Flash/Venom Symbiote/Harry WIPs right now so.. like.. LOL. I'm pretty sure that's not popular at all. Fortunately, I don't care that much what people think about my ships.

"Why Harry?" There was no malice or exasperation in the symbiote's question; just genuine curiosity. It rarely, if ever, objected to Flash's choice of partners, and certainly had access to the full array of his memories about them. But sometimes it did seek clarification, and Flash was happy to provide.  "What do you mean?" he asked aloud as he carefully dusted a shelf. On it sat a small, nondescript box, a Spider-Man lapel pin, and a couple framed photos. "Why did I ask Harry out on a date?"  "He is… very different from your usual choice of partners." "So are you, pal."

Flash is very silly. 💖

[regicidal-defenestration]

KaF3Countdown - A Client and A Case

He hadn't expected actual fairies.

Oh, sure, the little ginger man in the big coat - he'd introduced himself as Cain maybe? - had warned him that they'd be dealing with magic. He'd said there was "probably" no danger, with the "don't sue me, I can't afford the legal fees" heavily implied. He'd even - fuck, it was spelt weirdly wasn't it? Kane, then? - given him two small silver coins for protection, which he'd taken to show willing.

But Feels hadn't expected actual, real life, fairies living in an old lady's garden, curdling her milk and scaring the neighbour's cats.

Kane had been called up by her to have it exorcised, although, as he was keen to point out, exorcism would have likely made the fairy problem even worse.

Feels had come along because he'd seen Kane's advert in the paper - wanting a partner in his "paranormal detective agency".

It had sounded interesting, or something that'd make a good story at least, and more than that it paid well, well enough to have gone out with him after for a meal at an actual restaurant.

"Is this, like, your day job?" he asked around mouthfuls of chicken vindaloo.

"God no!" Kane laughed, then at least had the grace to look embarrassed about it.

"Do you know how many people think I'm just conning old ladies out of their life savings?"

"I thought it was a front for selling drugs," Feels admitted.

Stopping with a forkful of korma halfway to his mouth, Kane gave him a baffled look.

"And you still came?"

A shrug.

"Didn't have anything else on today. Anyway-" Feels pointed at himself, then back at Kane. If Feels was built like a solid log, Kane was barely a twig. 

"- I reckon I could take you in a fight, magic or not."

Kane paused, barely.

"That's exactly why I want to offer you a job."

That's exactly why he-

What?

What?

Feels couldn't deny he'd enjoyed the day. Or, enjoyed was possibly the wrong word. Worried for his health and/or sanity, maybe. Enjoyed bargaining with the fairies to get them to leave in the same way you enjoy coming face to face with an unexpected bear, but only afterwards when you live to tell everyone about it.

He'd definitely enjoyed the food. Even enjoyed Kane's company when the man wasn't being a prat, which amounted to approximately half the time they'd spent together, rounded up generously.

And instead of saying any of this, Feels asked instead:

"A job?"

"I can't promise it'll be safe," Kane said quickly. 

"There's no guarantee we'll even find clients, or that they won't all be dead ends or pranks."

"Job in the loosest sense of the word then?" 

It hadn't meant to have come out so sarcastically, and Feels felt bad at Kane's grimace.

"If it doesn't work out, you can forget I ever existed. But I know… I know there are people out there who need, actually need the kind of help we can give."

Kane spread out his hands.

"So, what do you think?"

And Feels realised he didn't need to think about it.

"What's our next case?"

[thelibrarylesstrektraveled]

Nightingale Chapter Four - This or That

Summary: Jensen Ackles seemed to have it all. A hit television series fifteen years running, a budding music career and a stunning wife. To the casual observer, his life was perfect. But it was a façade. No more real than the supernatural world created on a soundstage.

That day on the lake had started with uncertainty, but when he pulled you from the water everything became clear. The truth was, he’d been the one drowning.

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader, Jensen x Reader, Jensen x You

Characters: Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Genevieve Padalecki, Misha Collins, Reader

Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Hospitals, Drowning, Fluff, Angst, Smut, unprotected sex

Chapter Four: This or That

Word Count: 3398

Author’s Notes: This is a complete work of fiction about a real life person. The circumstances are totally made up and are in no way a commentary on the fantastic Jensen Ackles or his family.

This is also a unique reader insert story as I have given the reader a physical description including hair color, eye color and body type. Hopefully you can still lose yourself in the utter fantasy where Jensen is the hero and you are ripe for rescuing!

Masterlist

Nightingale Masterlist

You hung up the phone with a disgusted huff and rubbed at your temple, trying to massage away the ever-present headache. You were frustrated and disheartened. It had been one week since your accident on the lake and you still had not regained your memory. Lord knows you tried, but that only seemed to agitate your concussion and add to your anxiety. You felt like an idiot and a burden. Your sleep schedule was non-existent. You’d toss and turn at night then pass out in the middle of the day for hours. Usually during a movie, sometimes in the middle of a conversation. Like a cranky toddler, it was downright embarrassing!

You tried to help around the house doing laundry or dishes only to be thwarted by your knight in shining armor. Jensen had to be the most dedicated caretaker in the free world. He never seemed put out or annoyed to be helping you. He gently shooed you away from anything strenuous. He was so easy to talk to, although you often felt that you weren’t doing much to hold up your end of the conversation. He flat out refused any effort on your part to contribute in some way aside from cuddles. Which was another thing, there was an easy affection between the two of you.

“You don’t mind, do you?” He asked one day. He went to wrap his arm around you, as he had many times before only this time he stopped halfway. “All you have to do is say, I won’t be offended.”

“Mind what? Cuddles?”

“Yeah, I’m kind of a touchy-feely guy,” he ducked his head like a bashful little boy. “My family’s the same way, big huggers. Call it southern hospitality. I know some people aren’t comfortable with it so just tell me if I cross the line.”

“I haven’t noticed any line crossing. Plus, I’m like ninety percent sure that cuddling is crucial to my recovery.”

You were worried that you were becoming too comfortable, too dependent on him. Add it to the list of things you were worried about. You worried what would happen if your memories never came back and you worried what would happen if they did. Either way, this arrangement wasn’t going to last forever. Eventually, Jensen would want to return to his normal life. He had a career and family, friends. No matter what reassurances he gave, you knew you were an obligation to him. He liked you sure, but once he felt it was fulfilled, he’d send you on your way. He’s a great guy, a prince even, but everyone has their limits.

Every day when you woke up with no memories of your life before the accident you felt tightness in your chest. Like being weighed down with a ton of bricks and someone kept adding to the pile, crushing you. As the bruises slowly but surely healed and faded away, your anxiety grew. Your body was healing, but your mind was not. What’s worse is that there seemed to be nothing you could do about it. It was maddening and at times, terrifying.

There was one thought you kept coming back to; if it was this bad with Jensen around as your support system… how bad was it going to be when the time came to leave? How were you ever going to cope with being on your own after this?

Jensen walked into the kitchen in time to see you toss the phone on the counter, “No luck?”

“Voicemail.”

“Again? We should swing by after your check up.” he suggested, pulling on a denim jacket over his t-shirt. “You’ve left tons of messages and they never get back to you.”

“I just don’t think it’s a priority for the Vancouver PD. There was no crime committed. They ran my prints and came up empty. Until someone comes looking for me, I don’t think there’s much they can do.”

“Still seems like a bunch of bull to me.” Jensen held out one of his spare jackets.

You put your arms through the sleeves as he brought it up over your shoulders, trying to hide the wince as your ribs pinched. “Hopefully the doctor will have some advice on how I can work on my memory problem. Then I won’t have to wait on Vancouver’s finest.”

Jensen hummed under his breath as he pulled the jacket closer around you and zipped it up all the way to you chin. He was always humming and usually not even aware he was doing it. It was one of his more adorable traits. When he finally met your eyes he realized he basically dressed and fussed over you like you were a little kid. You raised your eyebrows expectantly and he cleared his throat as he released you.

He grabbed his phone and keys from the counter, trying to be casual. “Let’s hit the road.”

This was the first time you’d ventured out of the apartment since Jensen brought you home from the hospital. It felt good to be out even though the bright sunlight had you squinting. Jensen tuned the radio to a country station while he maneuvered through the downtown traffic. You tried to analyze the street signs and buildings that passed, hoping for something familiar. Something to jog your memory. Hell, you’d take anything at this point! The longer the amnesia persisted, the more adrift you felt.

“You look a little blue over there,” Jensen said, pulling you from your spiraling thoughts.

“I’m okay.”

“Come on, Y/N. Tell me,” he prompted, pulling up to a stop light. “I can’t make it better if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s not your job to make it better.” Annoyance edged into your voice. It wasn’t his fault, but you were tired of keeping up a positive front. It was almost as exhausting as the injuries themselves. You were grumpy and angry and scared.

A few minutes of silence stretched out between the two of you. “It’s this car, isn’t it?” he blurted out. “You hate it.”

“What?!”

“I know you were probably expecting a big muscle car like the Impala or a pick-up truck or something. Not every Texan drives a gas guzzler, you know!” He gave a Dean worthy huff, “Some of us care about the environment, contrary to the stereotype.”

You knew he was trying to charm a smile out of you, but you refused. Instead, you doubled down on the stubborn. “Ride a horse. Conform to one stereotype while you contradict another.”

“Oh honey, I’m a natural born cowboy. How else do you think I got these bowed legs?” He exaggerated his Texas drawl and winked at you.

This time his antics succeeded, you smiled in spite of yourself. Shaking your head, you looked away, “Shut up.”

“Oh! Hang on, it’s your jam!”

You groaned as you recognized the cheesy country song. “No way, no. This is not my jam!”

Jensen laughed and turned up the volume, “I seem to remember you singing this in the kitchen yesterday.”

“That was you!”

“Loudly!” he added, grinning as he sang along. Egging you on from the driver’s seat.

Your sour mood dissolved, powerless against the relentless good nature of Jensen Ackles. You rolled your eyes dramatically and sang along with him. It was a ridiculously cheery song, and you kind of loved it. God knows why. Probably because Jensen made it so much fun. He was a complete dork, and an absolute goofball. He was happy to make a fool of himself so long as it made you laugh.

The doctor’s checkup went well. He seemed pleased with your progress and officially released you from his care. Naturally, he had no advice on recovering your memory.

“You are only one week out from a serious head injury. The human body is remarkable in it’s ability to heal, but it does take time.”

“Shouldn’t I have something by now? Maybe not my SAT scores, but… something?”

“Y/N, there is a lot we don’t know about how the mind works. You may get it back little by little, or all at once, or…. Perhaps not at all. Please, try not to focus on it. I know it’s difficult, but the less stress you put on yourself, the better off you are.”

After the hospital, Jensen drove you out to Lake Cultus. Convinced that a nice drive in the country would do you both good. Plus, you could check in the ranger service to see if anyone reported you missing.

It was a little like being in an episode of Supernatural. The two of you questioned everyone from the park rangers to the shuttle drivers asking if you looked familiar. Check to see if any vehicles had been abandoned or left in long term parking. See if you’d rented a locker or purchased a kayaking pass. Rummage through lost and found for anything that you may have left behind that day.

The only lead you got was from the clerk at the conservation center who said you stopped in for a trail map. But as they were free, you had no need to use a debit card. It was like you dropped out of the clear blue sky!

God, where were the Winchesters when you needed them?!

By the time the two of you returned to the apartment, it was well past seven at night. You were exhausted and your head ached. All you wanted to do was curl up under the covers and cry. Jensen, as always, was determined to take care of you and insisted on dinner. He reheated the spaghetti and meatballs from the previous night. Effortless in his movements, chatting away about his mom’s recipe for apple crisp that he was certain you would love.

“Let’s give it a shot tomorrow,” he took a swig from a long-neck beer bottle. “I think I’ve got all the stuff for it. My brother and I usually have it cold for breakfast when we’re home for Thanksgiving.”

You were sitting at the breakfast bar, letting your tired mind wander while he was talking. That one word stuck out to you. Thanksgiving. It resonated. You knew what it was, of course. It was the details of your life that were lost, not basic information about life such as holidays or how to tell time. But Thanksgiving, that did something to you. Not a memory, but more of a feeling. Warm, happy, secure, loved.

Family, you realized. Thanksgiving felt like family. Your family.

It was so close, just under the surface of your mind. You could almost smell it, almost taste it. It was right there!! You tried to trace that feeling, follow it to its source. The closer you got the more it slipped away. Like grains of sand slipping through your fingertips.

“Y/N?”

Suddenly aware that Jensen had been talking to you. You blinked and looked up, “Sorry, what?”

He studied you for a moment, concern crossing his face. “You alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

He held your gaze for a few seconds then nodded. “Okay. Well, let’s eat.”

He picked up your plate along with his and headed towards the living room. The two of you usually ate in there. Jensen insisted it was more comfortable for your ribs, but you suspected it was more because he was addicted to the Great British Baking Show you’d been binging.

“Hey, would you grab my beer on your way?”

Thinking about your forgotten Thanksgiving would have to wait. You stood with a sigh, and everything went a bit gray around the edges. Fuck!

“Y/N?”

When you didn’t reply, Jensen looked up and saw you begin to sway. He always had been quick, even as a kid, a useful skill. He was up and at your side just as your knees gave.

“Whoa! Easy, easy, I’ve got ya,” he picked you up and carried you through to the living room. You groaned softly when he deposited you on the couch. He ran a worried hand over your forehead as he knelt in front of you.

Your face was chalk white and you were breathing through your nose like you were trying not to get sick. He knew you weren’t feeling well, you’d been off all day. You’d been unusually short tempered and cranky. Going to the lake had obviously been a mistake. It turned into a much longer trip than he had originally planned. It had been too much all at once.

This was his fault, damn it. He felt like kicking himself.

“Talk to me, Sweetheart. Are you with me?”

The pain radiating through your skull was intense. An instant migraine, it knocked you to your knees as soon as you stood up. Just the thought of opening your eyes caused your stomach to clench so you kept them firmly closed.

You brought a shaky hand to your head, “This has got to be the worst headache I’ve ever had. Not that I can remember any that I’ve had before. I keep trying though. Something feels familiar and I chase it, try to trace the thought pattern to a memory and it all falls apart.”

“You shouldn’t try to force yourself to remember,” Jensen gently advised, keeping his voice low. “The doc said to rest, that means your mind too. I can’t have you keeling over on me.”

You were so frustrated she couldn’t help the tears that gathered in your eyes. “What if I never remember?”

“You will. It will all come back to you, you’ve just got to give yourself some time.” He wiped away the tears that spilled over your lashes and down your cheeks with the pad of his thumb. “Don’t cry, pretty girl. It’ll get better, I promise.”

You shook your head woefully, “What if I’m not remembering because I don’t want to. Because I’m some awful, horrible person with a sad life.”

“Not possible.”

“You don’t know that, I could be. What if I’m an asshole?”

“Y/N…”

“What if I’m a vegan?!”

Jensen laughed then, and you broke into a smile and laughed with him. Sniffling back the remaining sadness, “It’s just… I know nothing about myself. It feels like I’m not a whole person.”

“Hmm.” He gazed at you thoughtfully for a moment then moved to sit beside you on the sofa. He got comfortable then opened his arms to you, “Come on, bring it in.”

You leaned into him, tucking yourself against his side, your head came to rest on his chest. He wrapped his muscled arm around your shoulders and took a deep breath.

“Close your eyes,” he instructed. When he felt you relax slightly, he brought his hand up to cup the base of your skull and gently massaged.

His wide fingers were warm against your scalp as they moved in small circles. God it was heaven! Tension held in the muscles of your neck melted slowly away as he followed the slender line of your neck to your shoulders.

“Are you sure you’re an actor? I think you should do this for a living.”

You could feel the chuckle deep in his chest rumble against your ear. He continued working out the knots he found, pleased when you grew heavier against him. “My mom gets migraines but she’s allergic to most of the stuff they prescribe for it. This was the only thing that seemed to help her.”

“You’re a good kid,” you slurred slightly. Jensen was nice and warm. He always was. Just being held helped you relax. You began to realize how tight everything felt, no wonder you stressed yourself into a migraine.

“Yeah, well if you ever meet my mom, ask her about the time I snuck out of the house and crashed her car.” He smiled against your hair, “Her brand new, anniversary present, just delivered from the dealership, convertible.”

“Why’d you steal it?”

“Borrow. I borrowed it.”

“Mmm Hmm.”

“I was trying to impress a girl.” He admitted with a sigh.

“Bad boy. Did it work?”

“I got my first kiss. Then I got grounded for two months and had to clean the gutters.” He shook his head at his youthful folly. “Worth it though.”

“Wait, first kiss? How old were you?”

“Eleven.”

You choked out a laugh, “Eleven?! How’d you even reach the pedals?”

He shrugged, “I hit a growth spurt.”

“I’ll bet you did,” you murmured, cuddling closer.

“You’re wrong, you know,” he said after a beat, “You’re not a horrible person or less than a person because you can’t remember. I know exactly what kind of person you are, even without a last name.”

“Jay…”

“You’re funny and smart. You are a terrible cook. You like your tea hot and your coffee iced, which you still aren’t supposed to have, by the way. You have a tender heart. You have to change the channel any time that Sarah McLachlan-save-the-dogs commercial comes on.”

You huffed in agreement. “That is the saddest commercial ever broadcast. They need to put out a trigger warning before they show that thing.”

“You’ve got a pretty voice and you naturally harmonize, not easy for most people.” He rubbed his hand slowly up and down your back, “And you’ve got the biggest blue eyes I’ve ever seen.”

You didn’t say anything. He made you sound lovely, beautiful. He saw past the bruises and mood swings and found something worthwhile. Someone worth knowing.

“There’s more and I bet we can find it easier than you think.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s a game, a getting to know you game,” he explained. “I’ve done it a few times at roundtables for Supernatural. It’s called This or That.”

“A game?”

“Yeah! It’s no thinking, just instinct. Say the first thing that comes to mind. Like… chocolate or vanilla?”

“Chocolate or vanilla what?”

“No, like which do you like better? Chocolate or vanilla?” He clarified.

“That would depend on the method of delivery,” you countered. “If it’s cake, chocolate. If it’s coffee, vanilla.”

“Ice cream.”

“Oh, then neither. Lemon.”

“Lemon?!” He repeated, incredulous. “Ice cream?”

“Palate cleanser. I don’t really like ice cream.”

“Wow. Okay, fine. Hot dogs or burgers?”

“Burgers.”

“Good answer. Baths or showers?”

“Bath. No, wait… both. Can I have both?” you asked, pulling back to look at his face.

The slow smile he gave you made you feel warm all over. “You can have whatever you want.”

That warmth rose to your cheeks. Feeling shy, you tucked your head against his chest again.

Jensen began rubbing your neck again, making sure that you stayed relaxed. It was almost a hypnosis, a way to keep your stress at bay so you could answer without having to think. “Summer or winter?”

“Neither.”

“Fall then, that seems to be everyone’s favorite.”

“Sort of.” You closed your eyes focused on the fingers massaging your scalp. “There is this two-week period in October when the aspen trees in Colorado turn colors. It’s also when the first snow fall comes over the mountains. If you are lucky enough to be there at the right time, you can literally see the change of seasons.”

“That beautiful.” He knew you could do it. You’d done it before, actually and probably never even noticed. Every once in a while, you’d rattle off a trivia fact. A statistic. Something that most people wouldn’t know. It was as if your subconscious mind was trying to send out hints. Clues that would lead you back to yourself. It fascinated him. You fascinated him.

“Dogs or cats?”

“Dogs. I’m allergic to cats.” You uttered the words before you had the thought, and then it all clicked. It was just a flash, the briefest of pictures in your mind. You were young, maybe six or seven. Your arms and legs covered with hives while you played with a fat, orange tabby cat. An adult voice scolded you.

Y/N! Baby, you know you’re allergic to cats…

You sat up then, the blue eyes Jensen liked so much, wide and shimmering. “Oh my God… I’m allergic to cats!”

Jensen grinned along with you, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “See, you’re still in there. You just have to give yourself a chance.”

“Thank you, Jay.” You said, taking hold of his hand and lacing your fingers through his.

“Anytime, Sweetheart,” he replied, pressing a kiss to your temple. “Anytime.”

[constantviewings]

A (Not So) Weekly Wrap-Up - Black Mirror Special

FULL SPOILER WARNING FOR SEASON 6 OF BLACK MIRROR

Overall Thoughts

I think I’m done with Black Mirror, and I think Charlie Brooker is to because most of these episodes completely disregard the shows formula and message to the point where it’s unrecognisable outside of the title screen. Every episode runs at least ten to twenty minutes too long and somehow leaves concepts unexplored. At the end of every episode I was left unsatified at the lack of exploration into the consequences of prior events: How does Davis feel about the fact that he was raised by two serial killers? etc. I’ll review every episode, but you’ll be able to tell that I on;y really enjoyed two of them...anyway

Joan Is Awful

An average woman is stunned to discover a global streaming platform has launched a prestige TV drama adaptation of her life - in which she is portrayed by Hollywood A-lister Salma Hayek.

By now, I’m sure you’ve heard all kinds of jokey titles like Joan is Awful IS AWFUL, and I’m not here to repeat them. The concept is a little conceited but is pulled back around by the reveal at the end that we are watching one of many realities. Like I mentioned in my overall thoughts, the episodes fails when it comes to expanding on the consequences and how it impacts the characters. for example: imagine being layer 1 Joan and finding out you’re entire existence is fake and you’re actaully the digital likeness of Annie Murphy, that would fuck you up right? But we don’t see how that makes layer 1 Joan feel and I wish we did.

Loch Henry

A young couple travel to a sleepy Scottish town to start work on a genteel nature documentary - but find themselves drawn to a juicy local story involving shocking events of the past.

I can easily see how this and Beyond the Sea would be people’s favourite episodes of the season and, while this one’s up there, it isn’t quite my favourite (we’ll get there). While this episode has one of those gut-wrenching twists akin to The National Anthem and Shut Up and Dance, enough happens after the reveal to distract me and it left me unfullfilled. I also feel like it meanders too much before starting the story proper and then doesn’t set a solid tone. It tries to be scary, then shicking, then emotional but it doesn’t sit with these long enough to quite grasp any of them. 

Beyond the Sea

In an alternative 1969, two men on a perilous high-tech mission wrestle with the consequences of an unimaginable tragedy.

FINALLY WE’RE EXPOUNDING ON THE CONSEQUENCES....sort of. I have the fewest notes on this episode, because it’s the most ‘Black Mirror-y’ of the season. I want to immedietely sing Aaron Paul’s praises, I had no doubt that he was going to deliver on an insane level. Calling back to my overall thoughts, the episode is just too long and I was bored just after the halfway mark; maybe that’s a me problem, maybe that’s the episodes problem.

Mazey Day

A troubled starlet is dogged by invasive paparazzi while dealing with the consequences of a hit-and-run incident.

This was the point in the seasonn where I just about gave up... now I know you’ve seen endless amounts of criticism for this episode and it is entirely warranted. Plainly put, this is not a Black Mirror Episode, this is a rejected Twilight Zone concept and I half expected Rod Serling to start talking as it zoomed out of the diner at the end. I also would have loved to have actually watched the transformation, but it was accompanied by TWO WHOLE MINUTES of flashing lights and I would prefer to not risk hospitalisation when watching a TV show thanks :)

Demon 79

Northern England, 1979. A meek sales assistant is told she must commit terrible acts to prevent disaster.

We have reached my personal favourite episode. Is this a Black Mirror episode? No, it’s an extended Inside No. 9 episode. Did I have a lot of fun watching it? Yes. This episode has some fun humour sprinkled through and the dynamic between Nida and Gaap is great.