#so it ended up turning into an actual vent
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roommate!geto x reader. part two
cw: mdni. suggestive, masturbation, a little bit of choking?, oral (m!receiving)
a/n: got a little carried away here so it’s kind of long, also this is only my second time writing so I’m sorry if it’s bad!
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roommate!geto who lays in your lap as you run your nails thru his long hair, pretending to be asleep so you won't get up~
roommate!geto who catches you staring at him after he’s walked out the shower with nothing but a towel hanging low on his hips, beads of water clinging to his body. “like what you see princess?”
roommate!geto who listens to you vent every time you and one of your situationships don't work out "you deserve so much better baby" he says as he pulls you into a hug, planting kiss on your forehead >,<
roommate!geto who becomes more touchy since you started going out on dates again-
randomly cupping your face with one hand and squeezing it gently to make you pout mid conversation;
hugging you from behind while you cook to 'thank' you for making breakfast. "thanks for always cooking for me doll" he says as he wraps his arms around you, feeling his bare chest press against your back~
roommate!geto who when you're bored you go to his room to hang out with, but end up falling asleep on his bed-
roommate!geto who's mesmerized by your sleeping figure and doesn't have the heart to wake you up when he wants to sleep so he ends up climbing into bed with you.
suguru is hyper aware of EVERYTHING. how your hair smells, how soft your legs feel, the fact you aren’t wearing a bra- it all he can think about all night.
in the early hours of the morning when he absolutely cannot deal with his morning hard on anymore he goes to get up, but you grab his wrist, "sugu don't go" you whisper, dragging him back to bed~
roommate!geto who makes you getting ready cocktails <3
roommate!geto who you 'platonically' ask to practice kissing, because you haven't kissed anyone in a while and you don't want to disappoint this 'guy that you really like'-
roommate!geto who actually kisses you <3
as the cold metal of his piercings brushes against your lips, you lean deeper into him. his hand snakes up to wrap around your neck and you feel a wet patch forming in your underwear.
as the kiss turns into a full blown make out session, he notices you squeezing your thighs together- his hands move to cup your face and he swipes his tongue over your lips willing you to part them further. your hands begin roam, while his tangle in your freshly curled hair. instinctively you cup his erection through his pants. he let’s out a moan- almost a whimper.
he needs you so bad. he thinks about how good your lips would feel wrapped around his cock. how cute you’d look all messy and drooling over his length, batting your eyelashes up at him. he’d scoop all your hair up and push your head down further onto his erection. watching your makeup you spent so long on get more and more messed up eventually cumming undone in the back of your throat~
the kiss is languid, feverish and messy, but ends when the door bell rings and your date is here.
he watches you get up from the couch, tugging from at the hem of your dress, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand and attempting to smooth your messed up hair.
“have fun baby” he says with a smirk as you slip on your shoes~
roommate!geto who actually dies inside when you actually start dating this guy you met on tinder.
roommate!geto who just lets out a scoff when you open your birthday present from your boyfriend and it's a gold necklace- you ony wear silver.
"here princess," he says as he hands you a small jewelry box with a little bow on it. opening it to find a silver necklace~
"thank you sugu i love it!" you say leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. he doesn't miss the way your boyfriend rolls his eyes at your reaction.
roommate!geto who “borrows” your dirty panties when you’re not home~
laying in your bed, he wraps a lacy thong around his cock, slowly fucking his fist, thinking about how much better he is than your asshole boyfriend.
roommate!geto who cums in your panties and then puts them back in your laundry basket- who would ever notice?
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a/n: sorry it took so long to get this out haha, I was kinda scared to post it 😭
Im super open to feedback so please lmk if I should’ve done anything differently
I have part 3 almost ready, but it’s gonna be more of a drabble/one shot format!
#ari-sa#roomie!geto#geto smut#geto suguru#geto suguru smut#suguru geto smut#geto x reader#geto x you#geto x y/n#geto suguru headcanons#jjk imagines#jjk smut#jjk x reader#jjk headcanons#jjk suguru#jjk geto#getou suguru x reader#suggestive#suguru geto
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A marriage of convenience - Mr Reca
Gender neutral reader, sitting on this one for a while. Angsty ending, basically yet another example of poor communication and misinterpreted comments from both parties.
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"Oh, dear you need to get married soon! You still have years to get your career sorted, but finding yourself a good spouse is a different story!"
"Still no ring on your finger?"
"No bitches?"
These are comments various family members just kept asking you. It didn't make sense to you, your personal life was your own business and you didn't ever think to move on the comments. You'd brush them off, but after they never stopped you began to vent to your best friend, Mr Reca.
"Ah, why don't we use this as an opportunity to explore a marriage! It'll help be with my, uhh, my scriptwriting!" Your friend stumbled momentarily before rounding off confidently.
It made sense at the time - both of you were single, he needed 'script material' and you needed the comments to stop. It was fortunate you had the chance to work with your friend through this, and it was more likely he was just seeing this as a chance to see his next film idea come to fruition.
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As time moved on, and you got married with a large extravagant wedding - filmed on old cameras - you begin to realise just how infatuated you were with your husband. When he was in public with you, he would be non-stop gushing to people about how amazing he was for landing someone as amazing as you. The public affection, the fact he would take any chance to get you something nice.
It wasn't there as much behind closed doors, and it made you yearn for more private moments with him. He was a busy man, however, so it proves difficult.
You try, though! Making him packed lunches, kissing him on the cheek whenever you got the chance and trying to initiate hugs at home.
None of it seemed to do much, though. He wouldn't react, but it wasn't a good thing. It was like he was thinking 'yes, this is what a marriage should be, good job _!' instead of a quiet appreciation.
You yearn to have more moments, and it doesn't help that the press have clocked that your affections carry out privately as opposed to the public. People accuse you of being a gold digger, of being a leech that's too stupid to realise it's being a leech.
Once you get home after a particularly difficult day, dealing with dirty looks, you decide to bring up divorce with your husband. It breaks your heart how willingly he is to accept a divorce like it was nothing. It had been a while, you'd have thought he would care even if it was just for script-writing. Part of you thinks he's just wanting a sad dramatic end for this chapter, but he can write a much better ending than the one you're about to provide.
The paperwork gets signed and filed away, cameras around you as the two of you leave the building, and you turn to your now ex-husband to say some parting words, and to leave him with one last act of affection.
"I'm sorry, I fell in love with you. You're a wonderful man, you'll find someone who can treat you better than myself." You smile, Mr Reca seemingly only realising in that moment you actually had feelings for him. You grab him by his cheeks lightly, delicately yet passionately kissing him before pulling away, tears brewing in your eyes as you pull off your wedding band and drop it.
Before he has time to stop you, however, you run off into the crowd, the crowd swarming him for interviews now that he was a newly divorced man.
#gender neutral reader#honkai star rail#mr reca x gender neutral reader#hsr mr reca#mr reca x reader#angst
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Coukd you do Kiss number 19 with Blitzo please? That generally seemed like an interesting one!
prompt #19: a kiss underwater
There are plenty of sights you see on a mission, so often that you tend to take them in stride. Violence, gore, Blitzø thrusting his crotch mockingly towards whoever the target is. What you weren’t expecting was a booby-trapped fortress of doomsday preppers making your job way harder than it needed to be.
Jumping over one of the countless trip wires, you toss a bola towards the fleeing prepper with precision that would’ve made Moxxie proud if he hadn’t been too busy trying to find the actual target. The bola wound itself around their ankles and sent them crashing to the floor with a yelp. There was a crunching sound and a groan – but you were sure they’d agree a broken nose was better than a bullet to the brain. Blitzø didn’t really sweat the collateral damage, but the client had insisted that you only take out the one actually responsible for their death.
Skipping down to the end of the hall, you jump over their body and your tail catches hold of a door handle. You use the grip to swing yourself around in a wide arc and you continue down the corridor without breaking stride. You can hear the others further ahead, and you skid to a holt as you find yourself face to face with an indoor water reservoir. Moxxie and Millie have the target cornered…
Well, they have them in the room.
The prepper is wielding on hell of a gun, and you barely manage to dive behind the same load-bearing pillar Millie has ducked behind. She grabs hold of your arm and pulls you into her side, casting a glance around the corner towards the target.
“He ain’t firin’ ‘cause these are load-barin’ pillars.” she explains breathlessly. “But he’s got a lotta friends here we haven’t taken out yet.”
“Right,” you frown, watching Moxxie try and fail to line up a shot. The prepper fires a warning shot – giving Moxxie and the pillar a wide enough berth to avoid actually taking it down. Still, it blasts through the wall behind the three of you, rocking the room in a way that makes your stomach twist. “And Blitz is…?”
There’s a crash and a familiar shout of “Fuuuuck!” and you turn just in time to watch the air vents above the prepper collapse in twisted metal and dust, a flash of red skin and black leather falling down on top of them.
You and Millie burst into laughter as Blitzø rides the prepper’s shoulders like they’re a mechanical bull, his claws digging into the flesh of their face before he digs his gun out of his holster and cracks them over the head with the butt of it.
The prepper collapses like a puppet with its strings cut, and you barely manage to catch Blitzø’s victorious grin in the second before the two of them land in the reservoir with a splash.
You’re still laughing as the three of you emerge from behind the pillars, and you fold your arms across your chest as Moxxie wraps an arm around Millie’s waist and presses a kiss to her temple. Your laughter tapers off slowly, your brow furrowing as you watch the water still.
“Does, uh… does Blitz know how to swim?”
M&M sober too, and Moxxie takes an uncertain step forward, eying the water’s surface. “I mean, surely…”
You sigh heavily, quickly toeing off your shoes and shrugging out of your jacket. “Satan… damn it.”
Inhaling deeply, you sprint to the edge of the reservoir and dive, the shock of the icy water almost knocking the air right back out of you. The dive takes you deep, and you find yourself thanking whoever’s listening for the fact that you’d taken your Envy Ring ex up on their offer to teach you to swim. The glow of your eyes breaks through the ink-black around you and you manage to catch the subtle glint of the gun still clutched in your boss’ hand below you.
Kicking yourself down towards him, your hand catches hold of the lapel of his coat, fingers burning with the cold of the water. Blitzø’s eyes open as he feels your touch, his gaze blurred and unfocused as the last of his hair leaves his lungs in a stream of bubbles. His hands clutch at your arms in panic, and you haul him up towards you, and press your lips to his.
Blitzø’s eyes widen in surprise and you part your mouth, breathing air into his mouth. His hands relax slightly and you kick hard, pulling him up with you, wrapping your tail around his waist. Your lungs are burning painfully as you near the surface, your jaw gritted and your muscles straining as they drag up your water-logged bodies. The two of you break the surface with twin gasps, and you feel hands grab hold of you and tug you towards the reservoir’s edge.
Blitzø doesn’t release you even as Millie and Moxxie hold the two of you up; he presses his face into the curve of your neck, his breathing laboured. He chokes out a laugh, and you punch his shoulder.
“Ow! The fuck was that for?!”
“Asshole!” you snarl breathlessly. “What the fuck were you thinking?!”
“Me?” Blitzø gasps, breaking off into a coughing fit. He spits up water, gasping. “You’re the one who kissed me!”
Moxxie and Millie interject in unison. “You what?”
“I gave you air!” you argue defensively. “I saved your life, idiot!”
“Yeah, you did!” Blitzø grins widely, and he leans in to smack a kiss obnoxiously against your cheek. “Someone’s anglin’ for Employee of the Month!”
“Ugh!” you push him away with a scoff, holding back a smile as Moxxie helps you out of the water. Blitzø manages to swat your ass as you do, and you immediately unwind your tail from his waist so he collapses back into the water with a yelp. It’s only Millie’s hand on his arm that stops him from going under again, and he scowls up at you petulantly from under dripping brows. You blow him a kiss mockingly, bending down to scoop up your jacket and fishing your phone out of the pocket. “Now can we go home, please?”
send me a prompt and either husk or blitzø
#blitz fic#my fic#blitz#blitzo#blitzø#blitz x reader#blitzo x reader#blitzø x reader#helluva boss#helluva boss x reader#blitz helluva boss#helluva boss blitzo#helluva blitz#helluva boss blitz#helluva blitzø#helluva blitzo#helluva boss blitzø
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feel like a loser and a spoiled brat cause i'm so jealous that my friends have gaming consoles [god i want switch so bad] and that they get nice presents and they can afford things ontop of getting expensive presents given to them like
i'm supremely happy for them too it's so cool for them and i'm so glad they get to enjoy drawing and playing games and fancy nice clothes like genuinely it feels so bad to feel jealous because i'm also so genuinely happy for them
but i can't help but kind of hate my life cause we didn't celebrate at all this year, and so my only christmas present this year was a cheap sweater from walmart from my grandma [i'm very glad i got anything though it's warm and i will wear it until it starts fraying and pilling and gets too gross to wear] and cotton candy. And I didn't even get to eat the cotton candy because my nephew took it and my grandma told him he could.. it... literally being half of the only christmas present i got, and he basically went 'well i want it anyway'
last year my only christmas presents were a steam game, and a big bag of doritos my nephew got me. I don't even gets cards or well wishes or 5 dollars or anything anymore really.
fuck
#sorry i hate venting on social media#but i started crying writing the first paragraph#so it ended up turning into an actual vent#instead of just a 'man i'm really happy for my friends so it sucks a lot to also feel jealous'#and i feel even shittier cause i can't afford to give anyone anything and don't have the energy o make gifts anymore#so i feel like an entitled piece of shit for even wanting presents#i dunno#im sorry
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y'know, given that I am a member of a faith with incredibly important central tenets of compassion and honesty - to the point that I am, technically speaking, forbidden to make promises because my word alone should be just as binding by default - it is incredibly exhausting, sad, and, frankly, painful, that fellow members of my faith are the very first people I have to suspect of dishonesty and deception
#me#at this point the moment I hear 'Christian source' I immediately get filled with doubt and I HATE that#What's worse is that 8/10 times the suspicions ends up being warranted#I'm just. I'm tired.#'the other people who follow the Don't Lie religion are the ones I can't trust not to lie if it's convenient' should NOT be my default#AND YET#ignore me I'm venting#<- my general venting tag you can actually interact if you so desire#I WILL immediately turn off reblogs if this breaks containment though
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i am going to fucking explode this class with my mind. what the FUCK do you mean NO POINTS for late submissions. killing stabbing biting maiming
#ive had eight hours of sleep total in the past four nights#including one hour last night#then i came home to get started on this fucking essay#and whaddya know i fall asleep like a goddamn idiot and wake up two hours before the deadline with nothing written#aarrghhhhhhhhh#do they know. do they fucking know how this no late submissions crap affects students#if im not gonna get any points for turning it in a minute late im not gonna even fucking bother#like you're basically just telling students not to fucking try because their effort is going to be meaningless anyway#i did send an email to my ta asking if they could still accept it possibly with points off#i submitted it at literally 00:00 so i don't even know if it fits in the deadline either#anyway. time to see if i can muster up enough motivation to actually finish the essay#and risk a second late submission that might be a fucking waste of time in the end#it's always the mediocre entry level classes with power hungry maniacs who do this shit#my fucking 300 level microbiology professor had 5% off for each day late outlined in the syllabus#and then you've got this literal 100 level gen ed course with its no late submissions crap#like. are you for fucking real#anyway i still haven't received a reply from my TA so who fucking knows i might end up getting a zero for this anyway#ugh#vent#college#mine
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GUYS ITS ALMOST HALLOWEEN! IT’S FALL TIME! IT’S OCTOBER! THAT MEANS ITS C!BEEDUO TIME THEY’RE SO HALLOWEEN CODED ‼️ ITS THEIR SEASON
#IM CRYING I ACTUALLY MISS THEM#IM THUMBS UP-ING BUT A SINGULAR TEAR ROLLS DOWN MY FACE#FALL WAS SO THEM#FOR SOME REASON IT HURTS. KNOWING ITS THE THIRD FALL#AND IT COULD’VE BEEN THE THIRD FALL WITH THEM#man I wonder if what would’ve become of them#if the dsmp was still going on and hadn’t ended so abruptly#omfg I’m literally gonna make myself explode#I need to stop thinking abt it 💀#man. It’s rlly sad to think abt tho#they would’ve been happy. It probably would’ve had it’s proper ending by now#I mourn all the lore and storylines and arcs and moments we would’ve had#how did this turn into me venting in the tags 💀#bye#c!beeduo#c!ranboo#c!tubbo#Michael_Beloved#my boy#man#dsmp
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yeah I'm not gonna talk abt it am I...
#well thats okay. eventually itll come up naturally. and if not well. it doesnt make me feel very okay. but its not a big deal#and i guess ill meet ppl in the future who will curate a different idea of me and maybe therell be fewer misunderstandings#<- coward who CAN communicate to save their life but not in any lower stakes situation for their happiness n quality of life#we <3 repression n insecurity. maybe if i keep digging at the corner of this bit of the labyrinth with my spoon ill get out someday 😌#anyway.. theres my daily vague vent post got it out of my system#wanted to do it earlier but ended up not having much time after work n then called friends which was nice :^)#also i never have signal at work these days.. my boss has said shell get me on the staff wifi tho cuz i do need it for work reasons#its rare to need it for work purposes bc we all use work pcs n stuff anyway and not rly supposed to use mobiles in the lab#but yeahh.. god i have so much admin shit to sort out also gotta text family back before i sleep i forgot to earlier#its all good.. also my memory foam pillows turned up so i no longer have to steal my roomies extra one for my neck pain <3#ik she was missing it... not to sound like a creep but it was nice that it smelled like her a little. just familiar innit#we're always around each other so its just what being home smells like to me.. listen i have a sensitive nose 😔✋️#if we were a lot closer i would ask if i could sleep in her bed while shes away but we're not so it would come across sooo weird..#and i would feel rly weird abt someone sleeping in my own room without me there. well maybe not actually. as long as they werent snooping#<- guy whose mother used to go thru their shit all the time n struggles to not feel paranoid and distrustful when it comes to privacy#was thinking recently my ideal living situation w a partner would be separate rooms but we still share the bed sometimes#but not every night bc im a sensitive sleeper... but we can switch bedding so i can still smell them if i wake up in the night alone#like how new mothers trying to get babies used to cot sleeping each have a cloth or blanket and swap every night#so the baby is comforted by the blankets smell and sleeps more peacefully.. and momma finds it easier being apart from the baby too#sorry this is getting gooey and weird my meds have been wearing off the last couple hours im so sleeppyyyy 😭#well.... maybe everything can wait until tomorrow..... bed is calling..#goodnight everyone muah#.diaries
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hmmm.
#vent in tags#turns out my only friend is actually really ableist and queerphobic#like i guess i should have realised that when she called me a slur#but i just excused it#like i excused her being really mean to me#like theres a line between playful joking and trying to insult the other person#and she made a joke abt me being autistic (bad joke to make) so i told her i actually was autistic and she was weird around me the rest of#the day but then near the end she started beingreally rude to me#including saying something like “i have too small of a mental capasity to be a good friend” or something#and like#shes never said anything like this until i told her i was autistic#plus she has always been weird abt me not using excact labels and just referring to my gender and sexuality in general terms#and she was really really weird abt me being trans#and she was so weird when she found out abt my sh#and i actually hate being around her#she makes me feel so bad abt myself wtff#i put up with it bcs i have no other friends#we're not a good friendship bcs she wants so much more from me than i can give and she refuses to give anything back#idk what to do abt it bcs there is. no way ill be able to just stop talking to her#shes really good at forcing me to spend time with her#idk shes actually really manipulative
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Lose myself to you (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#ZEX#The Captain#Vent?? Maybe??#I've been having something of a rough time of it lately so I actually broke and made myself some SCII hurt/comfort for a change of pace#I almost never make hurt/comfort - more of a whump creator haha ♪ - but yeah I needed it#It ended up just being a short little 1.6k jaunt but I did do it all in one sitting and got some needed emotions out so thank you these two#I think it's also my first vent fic :0 So that's interesting!#As well as the first one that I inserted images into! I've been wanting to for a while but I never have! I know how to now! :D#Constantly thinking about how oddly on equal footing these two are despite being so different#It makes the way they differ so interesting!#They're both important figures in their respective military forces and yet the Captain is so young!#Not only a lack of experience leading to the blows hitting him harder proportionally but also just - that's just how teenage human brains do#(If the Captain is still a teen - it's gotten very stuck to me that he hasn't quite turned 20 yet haha)#But again again even still he's a very young and new adult - there's a lot of chemistry going on in his brain that makes the job hard#And so having ZEX as a partner and a mentor - it creates a weird dynamic! It's interesting to me#ZEX /is/ definitely weird towards the Captain haha but past a certain point he really does only have so much power over him#And I just like it better when he guides him over trying to control him <3 Usually anyway lol - in this instance for sure#Their weird dynamic being a source of comfort and escape ♥ Of ZEX being gentle with him while still working to his own ends haha#ZEX is such an interesting character; he's hard to classify and I like that about him very much
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#fretting over my future once more. i’m afraid i might actually kms if i go back to a regular school but i’m worried i’ll completely#fuck up my chances of getting into a university if i don't#turning to that cursed website Quora . i can’t do this i’m just TERRIFIED i’ll fuck up and only realize it a year down the line#i don’t want to think about what hasn’t even happened yet but i can’t just blissfully ignore the possible consequences either#i hate that this happened to me. i already had a Plan. a straightforward idea of what i was going to do and then i get ARRESTED omggg#why is it me that has to have my life disrupted like this‚ right? i hope hope hope things will turn out okay in the end but i am just sad#about everything that’s ever happened to me#i want to do the private candidate thing so badly but it means not finishing the last 2 yrs of highschool#i’d still technically be learning tbe same things but its more about the certificate or whatever that comes with it#and the friends‚ too ....#of course you only do this to me when i am almost at the finish line and ive found people i click with! thank you 👍🏻 salamat sa lahat 🤗#i need to do more research on the topic before freaking out . but i'm just. eugh so so sososososo sad#💭#negative#cw vent#edit: it is becoming more and more likely that finishing my edu in a regular school would be the best option but AHHH#i really. i really cant emphasize how much i dont want that for myself. i hate it#i miss my home so terribly. but whatever i guess!#also i relapsed so thats kind of a bummer ...#cw self harm
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💒 anon here again. To answer your question, no. I don't think that is normal :( I'm sorry.
Thank you. That’s, unfortunately, what I thought. I just didn’t know if maybe I was the one being weird, cause I might be. The other thing with her is the hypocrisy of commenting on other girls “wearing nothing” or “putting out” while telling me to wear something “sexy” or “mature”. I just really don’t like it.
#💒 anon#answered anon#answered ask#vent in tags#I fought with her around Halloween#she was buying me my Halloween costume#she gave me a few options for the character I was going as and I picked one#and she was like#‘don’t you want something more grown up? like this one’#and showed me the most revealing one#one that probably would’ve gotten me sent home from school tbh#like it was that bad#but you know when your mom suggests something it’s not an actual suggestion#so I said sure#the costume came#I tried it on#and I cried#I hated it#I hated how it fit and how it looked on me#and she got mad at me because I was upset with how the costume I didn’t want looked on me#turned into a whole fight#she ended up buying me the one I wanted in the first place#but honestly I was so confused#because why did she pressure me to wear probably one of the most revealing costumes she found for that character?#it’s weird#tw sexualisation#tw sexualization#tw sexualization of minors#I think that applies here
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we have a dentist appointment tomorrow and on the plus side we're not really anxious about the appointment itself because the dentist was so nice last time and actually took our medical trauma into account.
unfortunately though we do have to have anaesthetic which makes us feel like shit for at least the rest of the day, and no matter how considerate the dentist is, having a medical professional touch us at all does still trigger certain trauma and then I end up having a bunch of panic attacks at some point within the next few days and it's a really shit time. I really don't wanna have to deal with that and the concept of it is making me nauseous
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#<- kinda#medical trauma#(this turned into a long rant about medical trauma and consent so here's your warning for that if you read the tags)#I didn't like medical professionals touching me anyway but ever since the stuff last April when we went to the hospital#it's been a way bigger issue and I end up being an absolute wreck for a while because of it#I cannot begin to express how much I do not want a medical professional touching me at all but especially not in my mouth#and any other situation where someone shoves their fingers in your mouth when you don't want them to would be considered really violating#but because it's for medical reasons and we have to put up with it if we actually want treatment nobody around us seems to see it like that#same goes for various other medical procedures where it's like if a stranger touched me like that when I really didn't want them to#in any other situation that would be assault but because it's a medical setting I'm expected to just be okay with it???#idk I probably haven't explained any of this right but I just don't like that people treat medical stuff as a special scenario#that's exempt from causing the same distress as any other scenario where someone touches you when you don't want them to#even though our brain is processing them the same way and we can't magically make that not happen#I know technically with medical procedures you (usually?) consent#but it's like... the choice is either consent to it or have your health keep getting worse#and once again in any other situation if your choices were to either consent or experience physical harm#that wouldn't really be considered consent and would be really distressing#I'm literally only consenting out of fear of what happens if I don't which... technically isn't consent but what choice do I have#idk this stuff is probably an issue specifically because of our trauma#but even still I would like to be taken seriously when I say I feel violated after medical procedures
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aaaaaaand it's starting. mom's bestie just texted me asking to come over this weekend cause it's Bad and it's probably the last chance to talk and maybe say goodbye to my mom's husband and i need to take care of her. god. i wont get through this weekend unless im high or drunk istg.
#time to slightly overdose my depression meds again ig lol#anyway. it is a little better with me these last two weeks. turns out the meds do work when you actually take em regularly#but first my best friend's break up that she's blowing up to unimaginable size#acting as if she just got divorced with the love of her life after 20 years#and not ended a few months long relationship with a guy who's been the source of most of her troubles since the moment they started dating#(ofc she's valid and id never tell her that because like. i get it. some people feel stuff more deeply. but its hard to be supportive#when you genuinely feel like this is the best possible outcome for her and that the relationship was only dragging her down all this time)#and now this. and this is gonna be infinitely worse. and then it's gonna get a million times worse when he actually does die.#and i feel like the worst most selfish person ever which like. probably am. but i did tell my cousin who actually knows my mom really well#and she said she understands and that my fears ARE valid because SHE'S terrified of how she's gonna handle my mom#and she wouldn't wanna be me in that situation cause it's gonna be so much worse for me lmao#like i feel like people who know my mother casually really dont understand just how unhinged emotionally she is#anyway. i feel so overwhelmed. i cant handle this jesus.#but im also emotionally unavailable and refuse to actually confide in another person because i dont want to be a bother <3333#god i love tumblr. i can literally type anything in those tags lol it's the perfect form of venting since you can just scroll by#but i will still have let it out of myself anyway uwu i literally dont need that therapy fr#anyway. i feel so unbelievably fucking lonely and on one hand it's my own fault for withdrawing and refusing to ask for help.#but on the other hand. i AM alone. like there's no one who can help me in this particular situation.#i have no siblings. obviously my dad isnt gonna help. it all falls down to me. good god. i wanna throw up.
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A hard conversation with teenage me. Their whole life revolved around a specific goal, and now every sacrifice they made for it, is wasted.
#really young me might refuse to hate me#But teenage me would be absolutely distraught#Theyd find it so hard to even comprehended the way I've failed all their plans#The way things have turned out#And the wost part is I absolutely agree they have every right to hate my guts and I wish thry could punch me ya knoe#They deserve it honestly#They dont even know the half of how hard they end up working and the shit they have to get through#To make it so close to their goal only for thr ground to crumble beneath them#AceofDragons#conversations with past me#vent art#actually disabled
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Yknow I gotta say, I love sewing and a lot of ppl find a lot of body confidence or whatever from sewing. But for me I never felt bad about my body until every pattern I find is telling me I'm meant to have a 26 inch waist.
#I have a 30 inch waist for reference (I would use cm but none of these patterns use them!! Driving me nuts!)#(26in=66cm and 30in=76cm so you can see why I might feel a bit bad lol)#It's just frustrating bc it literally makes what I love doing SO much harder bc I can't fit standard sizing#And it makes certain things look SO weird on me#Like I'm lucky that I don't have to go through the hell plus size ppl have to but damn I just wish my proportions were normal#The reason my waist is so wide is bc I have high hips so I have hip dips and my waist measurement is basically the bottom of my ribcage#Which is so hellish bc if things are too tight around my waist or designed to compress it HURTS so bad and I can't breath#ON TOP OF THE SENSORY ISSUES!!#So I have to shorten patterns and expand the waist a full 10cm or bring in the bust 10cm#And I always just end up looking like a rectangle and not in a deliberate or nice way#Like I got into sewing bc I wanted things to FIT ME and I THOUGHT I was fine but turns out!#Fuckin everyone is a goddamn hourglass and I'm misshapen or some shit#And it fucks me off bc the only time I see ppl make adjustments its to expand the bust like everyone I see making these patterns#Is an hourglass and it drives me nuts bc still nothing fits me right and I'm a novice and it's so much extra work to try desperately to#get things to actually fit and I've never felt so bad about my body in my entire life#It just kinda sucks#Vent#Body image issues#Yeah damn not even cotton on made me feel so shit about myself#I think this is bc it's not even a beauty standard it's just a practical issue that makes things harder to do#Yeah sorry for the whining I'll probs delete bc this is so embarrassing like imagine complaining bc you don't have a tiny waist#That's so vain#But fuck I just need to get this out and if I talk to mum (only person I have to talk to) it will end w her yelling at me#I love her but she makes me feel worse about everything#Just super sucks bc I can't even use a garment designed to compress the waist#So then I don't have to modify every single goddamn thing#Just gonna be a sad rectangle forever
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